Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 2: Into the Muck (The Moonstone Saga)

Episode Date: February 16, 2018

The party deals with the aftermath of their brutal bar fight with the barbarians, then heads off into the swamp to save the Green Teens. Beverly tries to salvage the Jamboreen, Hardwon is increasingly annoyed by the antics of Scoutmaster Denny ("a craven man"), Moonshine falls in love with another druid, and PawPaw hates his leash.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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podcast, so be sure to use the code PAPA to get your discount 100% free shipping and get it fast with brush processing. P-A-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, Sweeties. Greetings, goblins and ghouls. It's your dungeon master, Brian Murphy. On behalf of the party, I wanted to thank you. We are overwhelmed with the response. The fan art is so cool.

Guys, in the future, use hashtag nadpod. That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D so we can have it all in one place. And everybody check out our subreddit are not another D&D podcast. That's D, the letter N, D podcast. As of right this moment, we already have 225 reviews, which is a great start, so tell you what, if you guys can get us up to 400 reviews, we'll release a bonus episode where we will answer your questions about backstory or the characters or the adventures so far or D&D in general whatever you want.

Additionally, we're going to start doing shout outs for the people who give us five star reviews and that'll start next week. At the end of the episode, the party will do shout outs for all our new five star reviews in character, so be sure to include which character you want to receive your shout out from. Great, now let me give you guys a quick recap of what happened last week. In future episodes I'll do recaps with the whole crew so that they can comment, but we didn't do that this session, so I'll do it real quick here. Hard one, Beverly and Moon Shine showed up to the fishing village of Moon Stone and Met at the Hungary Trapped Tavern. They were alerted by Beverly Scoutmaster Denny that his troop, the green teens, were captured by bullywugs and dragged into a nearby swamp.

But before they could go off to save them, they got into a bar fight with some barbarians who have been wreaking havoc on the town. The party bravely decapitated the brutes, then were aided by Mishka, the half-work bartender, and hiding the bodies, and that's where we find ourselves now. Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Welcome back to the realm of Bahumia. I'm your dungeon master, Brian Murphy,

joined by Jake Herowitz, called well Tanner and Emily Axford. Who's Emily Axford? I'm Moonchan Sabin. And I'm a hard one, sure, but. Hello, Surs and Mams. It's me, Beverly. Ever proper.

Beverly beheaded someone last week. In self-defense. If I may, I believe we all took a chance at beheading someone. Everyone does have one beheading under their belt. Except for a hard one to wear too. Moonshine was already dead. So the, you know. Let's say I could beheading was more of an execution.

Yes, Beverly did aid in an execution. I politely requested that you not execute the man. I had already gotten my required beheading for myself defense merit patch, but my scout master knows best and proceeded. You caused me this scout master. Scout master, Danny made you temporary scout master. Yeah, we're both, remember I helped a Lugie and slapped my

a so lucky pride of the mountain scout master. Yeah before I had but one scout master now I have three oh lucky day. Okay, so you guys beheaded these barbarians that you got into a bar fight with Barbarian bar fight after after killing them outside after killing two of them outside of the tavern That's where the word barbarian comes from it's actually bar fight bar fight. Yeah It's it's actually- Bar fight. Yeah. It's short for barfitarian. Barfitarian. Barfitarian.

Perfect. He's bears in a bar. So you guys killed these barbarians that were trying. They were fleeing. You executed. You executed fleeing that. I feel like I should point something out about Moonshine Sibon, which is that when she is in symbiotic entity mode,

she has a savageness and she loses all of her crit hospitality. Sort of a crud lust. Yeah. Yes. But that's nice. Yeah, you like it? Or sludge lust.

Oh, sludge lust. She gets to sludge lust. Your hospitality sort of like took a new shape too. Like you had to be hospitable to Beverly and me and like all of your new friends. Like these people are trying to kill us. But most polite thing that you could do is kill them first. I turn into like a sort of like a sport. I have a sport mentality and you guys are part

of my fungal network. Right, yeah. So then I'm defending the fungal network. So that's your maternal instinct in kicking in. You probably have. You've infected us with your spores. Yes. But just like at a surface level, so you know where we are

and you can track us, but you have it infected as properly. Oh, DM, can I secretly put some spores on all of them? So I could always track them. Just light of hand check. Not a secret. Now I suppose, a stealth check. What do you got there? But I'm asking you before I do that,

if I secretly put some spores on them, could I track, could I have like advantage on tracking them in the future? Perhaps. We could wait. We'll, we'll, depending on the situation. We have to be okay. We brand this thing because if you think about it, we just killed a bunch of people that asked us to buy them a drink.

And that's, yeah, it's similarly executed, I believe. Yes, so here's where we're at right now. There's some beheaded barbarians that Mishka, the half or a bartender, and some of the fishermen that were also in the bar, kind of helped you pull inside. They helped clean up the tavern. They're clearly tired of being pushed around

by these barbarians as well. So they help you clean up after your murder. So you guys are standing in this now cleaned up tavern. Mishka's just closed the door. It's you guys, the three fishermen, and the old bard who is there. And Mishka, you know, she's got these scars all down the left side of her face.

She's all burned up. Real quick, I'd like to say, hey, Mishka, real quick, I just kind of wanted to know who these people are. So I just hold up their heads one by one and ask their names. She looks at the head of the main dude, the bigger guy who gave you guys some problems. And she says, that one's name is Kruk.

Kruk. Her name was Kruk. Kruk, okay. He doesn't have a use for names anymore, I guess. with a you well, you know death is kind of cycle alive So he'll it'll be back in his own way. Maybe as a tree. Oh, yeah, or a giant mushroom You see she walks over and she pulls open his mouth And she shows you guys that he's lost a bunch of his teeth and she does the same with the other two barbarians and she says...

That's nothing. They're called the Crack Tooth Clan. Ah! They've scared off the citizen militia and the barbarians pretty much run the town now. Well we just killed their leader, right? Was it their leader? Was this their leader? Was Crack the leader?

Crack is not the leader shit he was pretty powerful yeah it was hard to kill the leader is one they call garech he is living in the mayor's old house is that what the G I don't they didn't spell it for you okay I'll just guess I'll just do my best oh wow look at that script He's running in a call for you. Were you afraid of is it the the Bollywigs? I am not I'm not afraid of the Bollywigs and you see the old bard comes up and goes Mishka here fought a dragon

Oh Accident I can't see it. I assume maybe you flipped a fish to energize it. It's like one climb to completely white Milky Eye. Hard one is pretending not to look at it. Oh, I see something maybe small. I don't know. And she goes, yes, it is true. Before the heroes came, band of us here from the village tried to face the dragon. And I was the only one who survived. Beverly thinks about asking about dragon genitals, but says nothing. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha about a vicious slightly scout master daddy's just like hold on there now but I pull out my book about dragon and daddy you're starting to like point to

the dick and ask about it slowly pushes the book down well I mean I'd say mishka I heard you get that some boy walks took up these took up some scout youngins and we're probably gonna go save them because boy walks I mean we got boy walks down by the creek they come up about knee-hat as a green teen I am to get some Scout youngins and we're probably gonna go save them because Bollywag's, I mean, we got Bollywag's down by the creek, they come up about knee-hat. As a green teen, I am loyal to my fellow green teens and I must rescue them. It is my sacred charge as provided by my three Scout masters.

Yeah, and this guy gave me a bunch of gold, so I was gonna, I was gonna go too. And I got a green tea. Yeah, a fine Scout Master indeed, you are, Mr. Hardwa scout master indeed you are, Mr. Hard one. Thank you. I'm proud to serve under your allegiance. You see, Mishka turns to scout master Denny

and disgust. She goes, you should have never brought them out onto the bay. That's where they are. But that's where the moonstone is. They shouldn't have gone out there with this little coward. But that's where they see scout master Denny just says to be honest, she's correct. We should not have gone out there with this little coward. But that's really easy. Scout Master Danny just says, to be honest, she's correct.

We should not have gone out. But this is what I definitely just, just swear back as soon as I saw them. Yeah, good shot. You made your finger like I object to be called the coward. But this is where the Jamboreen is. Surely you heard about it. There's a lot of flyers up.

The Jamboreen was canceled. People keep saying that. And I guess I have, I have any trouble accepting it, but, well, if the jam, maybe if we can get the scouts back from the clutches of these nasty bully wags, the Jamboreen can be back on, because I'm sure it would be a great source of economic growth for the town.

You know, I've got a washboard and two pieces of leafs. I can put on a one woman show for that jambering. Perhaps you should help these the green tins before they are ritualistically sacrificed. Oh yeah you mentioned that. Let's we should go do that. No I love ritual but sacrifice is no good. Let's go gang. Are we gonna need a boat for this or can we kind of just wait? You can take one of the boats down at the dock. That's probably the fastest way around.

Or you can walk north around the bay and get to the swamp. Boat, we gotta go boat, right? Yeah, definitely boat. I do have my boat, Merit Patch, so I would happily steer the boat for you. Not exactly, you've been in a boat or you've seen a boat. I have read a book. I've read three books about boats. Don't worry.

So to be clear, he hasn't even seen a boat. Because you got your Bollywag patch because you dissected a boat. Not because you bought one or a scene one or a boat. I steered it intently at one. Yes, this is true. You've also steered it intently at a blueprint. Galatoron is landlocked. Right. It's easy. I'll just put Papa out the back of the boat and he can kind of kick and just

like be like a little engine to move us along. I was raised inside a mountain so that sounds fine to me. If that's what a boat is, let's do it. I'm just so excited to see a boat. Sounds good. Mishka just shakes her head and she says, you might want to stop by the temple and talk to one of the druids before you go. They might be able to help you heal you up,

maybe give you something for your journey. Okay, let's go see that guy. I have a super deep axe wood in my shoulder. You are bleeding quite a lot. Yeah. Also, as a druid would love to hang out with a couple of druids, maybe swap stories, runes, whatnot. Yeah, as an aspiring green knight,

I'm always happy to learn from a druid. Just so you know, she's gonna be so angry that you're here because she already told this one and she points to Scoutmaster Denny that the jamboreen was canceled and that he should have go out on the bay, but then he went out on the bay and now a bunch of kids are missing. And Scoutmaster Denny goes like,

yeah, that's right. Ken raising his one second, that is true. I'm so excited for my first mission to save the Jamboreen! So Scoutmaster Denny goes, I can show you the way to the temple if you guys want. Yes sir! Yeah that'd be great! Mishka looks at you guys as she opens the door to let you out. And she says, the barbarians probably won't notice that Kruck is gone for the night.

He's a drunken idiot. It's not unheard of that he would get, it's not their most powerful. No, not even close. Okay, even though he was like real powerful though. That guy was really cool. So these men that you killed, they might not notice the missing for

12, 16, 18 hours a day. The green tea and the- The green tea and the green tea and handbook likes to use the term mortally corrected? Not killed. Just please if you don't mind. You see she just turns from Beverly and just turns right to hard one completely ignoring him Hard one knots that makes sense. Okay, oh bad and the scout master Denny just goes like all right campers of the light Let's go hooray

Alright, I know about this guy Oh, right. I know about this guy. I'll take the rear. He's scum. And Beverly start like marching off. They went cars and started locking up and hard one and Mooghead are just so disgusting. I think we start marching off and then I like turn back around and like, come on, come on. I put pop on his leash.

Good. I'm sorry, pop,, come on. I put pop on his leash. Good, good, good. I'm sorry, pop, pop, but he's gotten dangerous. You need to get hitched. Pop on. Oh, yeah. Just nice scrambling foam. So foaming at the mouth, trying to just running the full length. He's going crazier now that he's on a leash.

He's running like the full length of his leash and just yanking at it. Yeah, it's like a viny straight jacket. So we're going to a temple or... Yes, it's a temple to Melora. Oh, this is good. I was actually preparing some things to teach you, but I never had a chance because the green team's disappeared.

I pull out my notebook. Of course. Hard one just rubs his forehead. So, alright. Just can't believe. You know, you could have sided with the barbarians, but you made your bed. This is my crew. And now you got to lay it.

Now you got to lay in it. That's a Scout Master can. But I remember, I'm hot. Yeah, yeah. I'm attractive. That's what I keep on reminding myself. I'm reminded. She's covered in muddiel, but she might take a shower at some point.

She might take a shower and the spores might come off. I don't know So scout master Denny says now the druids here the town is run by a druid circle and a town council that is the mayor and a Group of people within the town who help make decisions now as know, the mayor was run out of town by the barbarians, but there's still a druid circle. Now, the mother thistle is at the head of the druid circle, but I did not get to talk to her, because when I went to the temple,

Shay, who is part of the druid circle, told me to leave and said that the Jamboreen was canceled. So now we're gonna go back to that temple. They also told you not to go out onto the bay. And they told me? That is the... Yes, yes, they told me not leave and said that the Jamboreen was canceled. So now we're gonna go back to that temple. And they also told you not to go out onto the bay. And they told me that is the... Yes, yes, they told me not to do that. Why did the Bollywag spare you? Oh, I ran.

I ran as soon as I saw them. I just jumped on my own boat and I left the teens. I left those teens by themselves. You are a craving man. I got a... Yeah, I got a beyond. I don't think I'd treat young as that. I'm more of a poor guy than a paladin really.

It's true that a green teen is taught never to run, even especially when his friends are being left behind. Oh, you know what? And that's just why you're gonna make a great junior green guy. You were testing me. I'm testing you. These are your new scout masters They're the ones that are gonna take you know we were part of this So we're gonna take you off this guy to a temple of Melora

Yes, maybe when you drop us off you I don't know go get a drink and go to bed Okay, I think they might not want to see your face. Yeah, thinking that you might make us look worse than you come with us. You see he holds up his finger. That is absolutely right. Yeah, okay. The lady drew a chain. She said that she did not like me and then I was a coward

and to not take those teens anywhere near the bay. what did I do I took them near the bay and then you ran away with the ball and then I did run away. Okay, okay real quick I take out a straw hat and I say just put this on and sort of like pull it over your eyes and you know and wreck your asses. Yes, and you see his downrest or Danny puts the hat over his face and he starts leading you guys down to the temple You guys were walking I whisper to him. I forgive you Thank you so much, but I don't forgive myself So he takes you guys to this round stone structure that's kind of like a dome and it's completely covered in moss and

flowers and you see a little hut next to it which you can assume is probably thistles like original hut and now there's a temple next to it. I pluck a little bit of moss and eat it. It tastes like Taste like Dirt I just chew on it sure you just start chewing I I would like to scout master Danny Tercey who just goes like, oh please don't do that this well just eating anything Do I know anything about like the history of this as a green teen you would know that this was a temple to Melora Who is the nature god, sort of the neutral god who, you know, was kind of just like, come what may, there are, you know, predators and there are prey. Nature is just right. Yeah, exactly. So it's kind of neither good nor bad, just more like of the land.

And you know that there is also a little structure that is for Polora, which is your God, the God of farming and agriculture is a light. Nice, nice. Nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice to acknowledge that's in the back. Who is it? I have a question.

I have a question. How much would I know? Would I know, I asked like a trick off druid, would I know, Melora? You would definitely know Melora. And who's my God? Probably Melora. Oh, come and join me. What do I have a God got you would probably worship a dwarven god moradin is the creator dwarf guy

I think as we're walking up to this moradin lordin. Okay, so if we're going if this is my god I take a Fingerful mud and I make this shape of Melora on my forehead. Okay, it's like a wave Is her symbol okay cool. Yeah, so I draw and I draw the shape of Malora on my forehead. Okay, cool. It's like a wave, is her symbol. Okay, cool. Yeah, so I draw, and I draw it on your face too. Just like as strange as that. So you see, Scalm Estadianny Bowles, just this little halfling bow,

just this stupid coward in his draw, and his bowels and plies in the temple, and goes, as you requested, I will not follow you inside. Yeah, go get good nicely. Okay, good night everyone. You don't come back tomorrow. I'll try to pay a hundred to find your bodies. Guys, sir, good night.

I hope he can't rest that well. I hope he has at least a hard time following his schedule. Scout Preston Danny still has like a skimp in his step. He can tell he's totally, totally bassoosious, the pillow. I gotta hope he- You shouldn't know this as not the DM, but he does fall asleep as soon as he gets the pillow.

I kinda hope he just leaves town and goes to another town and just starts an after school program and does something else for this life. Oh, do you have any references? Uh, nope. Diny definitely fails up. Terrier wise. Definitely also has a rich dad.

He's definitely a like 22 year old junior green knight when he should be a hero by now. He should definitely be so much gold to pay. He's a coward. He's a coward. I Straight up. So you guys are now so Danny Danny with a skip and a step just skips away And you guys are now standing in front of this little temple of Malorra. I there's no door. It's just open as he's leaving. I say our dads are friends That's right Bye. All right, so as I go as I go in I say our dads are friends. That's right. Bye. All right.

So as I go in, I take my two blades of grass and I begin to play a song to Melora and Melora's honor. Oh my God. Roller performance jacked. Oh shit. I believe I should have some kind of, I mean mean I'm proficient in my musical instrument. Are you? Yeah. I have a tool proficiency in musical instrument. Oh, sweet. So what do I add?

Oh, I have my proficiency bonus. Okay. Oh, baby. Oh, two. She's probably one. Three exa out. She plays this. She pulls up two grass blades to her lips. Hey, what are you doing? And she's been a fucking nutcase at this point. She's got a possum on Elise just just absolutely nuts.

She just ate a handful of moss. She starts playing hard one since ear for ear. You live with a dwarf. So they're not like as musical or sentimental. And halflings like enjoy a good. Oh, sure. I think that I would probably accompany her with my angelic boy voice. Sure. So these two just start singing a beautiful duet. Uh, he's singing about Polora and she's playing this beautiful. It sounds like a flute.

Nothing like that. Nothing like this. It sounds beautiful. It's one of the most probably the most beautiful song you've ever heard as you guys enter this. Is it affecting animals as we walk by? There are no animals out. It's like your papa. You can see there are like flowers and stuff in the culprits.

Yeah, no, yeah. Papa calm down. Oh, yeah. Papa calm down and he like got up and he's furiously licking your face. This song and it is really hard for you to play and maintain concentration because the song is going in on that cheek. Yeah, it's called Papa's Melody. Papa's Lullaby.

You guys enter the temple, and as you step inside, you see moonlight shining from the top of the domed roof. There's a circular window at the top that lets light shine down onto the floor of the temple. Can I sparkle in moonlight? You can go step under the moonlight, I think. Probably you would look pretty majestic. I mean, I just want to bounce it off the ceiling.

Yeah, yeah. You're doing. So the moon, the moon light bounces off the shroom, is making. Moon shine just look radiant. Yeah. So under. She is really hot. Hard one's like, she had if she took a shower, Beverly is uncomfortable and washes his hands.

Beverly just goes to like a holy fountain and starts washing his hands like it's taking a bath. It just takes a bath and a bird fountain. Okay, so you guys see that like under this window that shining moonlight There is like a garden on the floor of the temple with like soft green grass and flowers. Oh There are wooden bookshelves along the walls and like various tables with like scrolls and potions And then there's an altar below a hanging tapestry with the wave like symbol of melora And you see a white haired ageless looking druid woman.

Like a yoga mom? I would say. Okay, like a yoga mom. It's like a drinking dream to be white haired and ageless. So she's white haired and ageless and she's meditating in the moonlight. Right, even as you guys play this song and everything, she's just paying you in the moment.

Is this just a Moonshine I have to be yeah Moonshine Emily knows that I'm talking about Moonshine like when it's Peltro Yeah, this she is she is goop this is okay So is that her name? No coming into this they told you that her name was she coming into this I did not know moonshine sexuality,

but moonshine is desperately attractive. Sure. Her ovaries are like, are like, she can feel the rubbing against her stomach. Throbbing and throbbing. Does that play into like your fertleness? Yeah. I like to imagine they're like,

just like releasing eggs that looking at her. They're just like cartoon maracas. So you guys show up and Moonshine is just, everyone's just lustily looking at this droid woman who's meditating on the ground. As if it was just hoarding. Everyone's just standing there. Everyone's standing there very early.

So we're already hoarding. Yeah. Totally forgot. Yeah, Moonshine, why don't you go ahead and roll for Horniness to see how we're going to work? Yeah. A for Horniness? See how Horniness is going? Yeah. Eleven. What do I add to that charisma? Yeah.

And I'm also proficient in it. Oh shit, proficient in Horniness. That's a 15. That's a 15. Okay, she's pretty Hornie. Okay, as Beverly takes a bath in the bird bath, watching you hands, M.I. feet, and you see she's meditating and without opening her eyes, she says, I told you kids the gemberlein was canceled.

We're here to save the gemberlein. Okay, okay, actually, um, hi, Munchan Sabin, a friend of the fungus lover of DK. Um, I, we're actually here because we're going to save the young ins from the Bollywarks. Yeah, yeah, we're not here for the jerry. We've been charged with a sacred quest to save my fellow green teens. You see, she opens her eyes, she's still sitting with her legs crossed,

and she says, what do you mean they got taken by Bollywigs? I told that little idiot not to take them anywhere near the bank. He took them very close to the bank, so he can teach them about the moonstone. Don't worry about him though, he's fine. He's right away. Scott Master Danny sleeping in one of the rooms above the hungry crowd. With like a hot, a hot milk next to his. He just like really enjoying himself. He's definitely is wearing his sleeping dreams. He's staying in the biggest room with

the King bed because his dad's so rich. So feathery, he's wearing a night cap. Absolutely. He's got is wearing his sleeve. He's staying in the biggest room with a king bed because his dad's so rich. So feathery, he's wearing a night cap. Absolutely, he's got a little candle next to his bed that he's blowing out. Yeah. Okay, see. We have come here seeking healing and supplies for our journey to save the Jamboree.

Save the kids. The young ends. We're here for the young ends. The Jamboreen will be saying you see she turns once again turns away from the other two and just looks right in hard one and says no I was saying we're saving

the young and I'm on your side hi fellow worshiper of melora I reach out my hand she reluctantly takes your hand I hold it I hold that I start my hand my hand starts crawling up for my god I It takes your hand. I hold it. It's a whole other two lollipop. She gets a sports underhand. My hand starts crawling up her nose. Oh my god. I love his back.

I offer her some hand tonic to clean. It's the fantasy equivalent of Sanitation gel. I hand her some of that to cleaner hand. Do you like a persuasion? Oh, yeah. OK, I have a plus six in persuasion. See if this woman like you. All right. 18 plus six. Oh, she's a, okay, I have a plus six in persuasion. She has this woman like you. All right.

18 plus six. Oh, dope. Okay. So she's a, I am a very good boy. Beverly is a very good boy. Yeah. So you see she turns and you hand her, you hand her some like hand sanitizer.

I think it's like an aloe leaf. Okay, you hand her an aloe leaf and she breaks a glass and she t an aloe leaf and she breaks in the last minute. She tussles your hair and she says, child, I'm a drool of malora. I don't need to wash my hands. I'm okay with this. Okay, I just, they look dirty.

It's cut across. Okay. Now, I'm rolling around in the mud. I'm going. Okay. I, once again, she just turns, she just turns the hard one. No, she turns the hard one. Talks Beverly adult in the No, she turns the heart on me.

Talks Beverly at the room, rolling in the butt. She says, I need to be here to protect the people of this town, especially with the barbarians, so I can't go with you into the swamp, but if there are children in trouble, I will help you as best I can. And you see, she heals you guys fully. She's a powerful enough druid.

How does she heal? Is it like distance or touch? You will be. You touch the pet. She heals Beverly Vintouch. She heals Hardwood Vintouch. She heals you by distance. I'm like, oh, I think I might not be fully healed.

Maybe you want to do one of those touch heals on me. Beverly does not like the touch. Oh God. Okay, so she looks at you guys and she says, I can give you some things that will help you on your journey, but please be careful while you're out there. There's worse in that swamp than bully wugs. Like, like what?

Like what's worse than like two bully wugs? There are many bully wugs. Okay. There is, they usually have a king of some sort some type of shaman Yeah, there are trolls Nothing like prick bully wugs. I don't know what the bully wugs are like in the prick but out I Tallah the knee high here. Oh I'm knee high. You are Nihai little one.

You're a very good boy. They make a lot of noise at night. It's kind of a noise. Sure. Well, I'll give you these to help you get across the bay quickly. She hands you these three scrolls. These are scrolls of water walking. They let you walk on water for like 20 minutes. She hands you guys scrolls of water walking. They let you walk on water for like 20 minutes. She hands you guys scrolls of water walking,

and she also gives you guys each a potion of healing. That's awesome. Right, that's good. She guys are all healed up to full health. Can I, I would like to just take her aside. I'm not gonna do anything creepy. Sure. I'm just saying, I come bearing the spore of the creek

and I'm trying to sort of spread it to spread our word, spread our message, spread our people, we're a hospitable people. I would love to plant just a handful of spores in this beautiful garden. You're more than welcome to leave your mark. Thank you so much. I approach her with my, I have a little booklet that is labeled interfaith relationships. And I say, I'm working on my interfaith relationships, Merit Patch.

Could you please sign this to say that I have communed with a hostess of Melora. As a representative of Polora, it is important for our two faiths to intermingle and work together. Absolutely. Yes. I see. Yes.

And she says, who should I make this out to? What's your name? My name is Beverly. Beverly Toe Gold, the fifth. Beverly Toe Gold, the fifth. I'm going to sign this for your little book. Beverly, I have to sign that too, as your scout. Yeah, everyone needs to sign this.

Everyone sign it, please. Oh, you're the scout master. You do know that it's canceled, right? The whole retreat. It's not coming back do know that it's canceled, right? The whole retreat. It's not coming back on. It's temporarily canceled. Yes. It's permanently canceled. Uh-huh. For now.

Yes. I expressly, I specifically told the scout master, Danny, that it was canceled. He's a bad guy. For the time being, yes. Uh, when you handed, when you hand it to moonshine design, she looks really confused and tries to pretend like she knows how to write. She kind of just scribbles with both hands. She just makes her mark.

Yeah, I feel like I like whisper to you, like, an ex is fine. Okay, so she shows you guys out. and as you guys are leaving the temple, she looks at you guys and she says, Good luck, Mae, Malora, bless you. And Polora keep you as well. She nods. Thank you. This episode of NADPOT has brought to you by Bird Dogs.

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Do you want one of these little mud spots I did? No, actually, I do not. Okay. It's actually pretty soothing. It's nice. Yeah, it's working well on my acne. It's the love of Melora. I'm very, really, is comforting acne.

I'm going to be a little more patient. Yeah, it's working well on my acne. It's the love of Melora. I'm very, really, it's comforting acne. You do have a lot of that. Uh-huh. So, should we head for the bay? Yes. Let's go to the bay. Hooray!

Let's do it. So, you guys, you guys walked through as to do the link times. Yeah. I try to link arms with both of them and skit. I'm good. You guys walk through the village and as you get down to the docks and the bay, as you approach the water, it gets brighter and brighter. You can see the water lighting up and like a bright translucent white with a pale blue

glow. And even from here, even from like 20, 30 feet away, you can see movement in the water of like the various fish swimming around. By the dock, you see that there are several like small fishing boats docked there, and sitting on the dock is a singular half-work barbarian with a ponytail, and he looks more like a shaman,

he's got like pelt and stuff, and you see he's kind of meditating on the dock there. We could try to charm this guy, although if he's a shaman he probably has. He's meditating, right? Can we just see? You see him just right now he has his back to you, he's looking out at the water. We have water walk though, bitches. Yeah, all right, so he's... That's supposed to be like, should we say that in case

something happens? Just to paint a picture, he's at the end of like a long narrow dock. Is that what we're saying? Yes. Why don't we just like walk off the side of the dock and go around him? You can literally do what everyone.

Do you want to avoid him? Do you want to speak to him? What do you want to do? I feel like if he's a shaman and he's meditating, I feel like we could maybe. What if we just left a note at his He does have the same he does have the same ponytail of like the other barbarian dudes So he's definitely with them. All right from what you can tell. Yeah, we should we try to sneak I think we should just

Let's take it on the street. Yeah, should we try to give him a wedgie? No That was called while talking. Every good boy. So you guys want to take the kind of long way around. No, the super long way. I'm thinking we just kind of like start from the beach and like tiptoe water tiptoe around this guy. Okay. And stealth. So you guys walk far away. Are you guys going to use the scrolls or you guys going to try to take a boat? I vote, I vote boat. And then we got I think that's a good idea because we got to put the kids in a boat. I vote boat and then we got. I think that's a good idea.

Because the skulls only last so long. Oh, use the skulls as a backup. Yeah. Murph, double checking the explorers pack. Does it have a telescope in it? A little spyglass? I, you can have a spyglass if you like. Sure.

Oh my gosh, we should get a boat that looks like a fishing boat. So if he sees us, he thinks we're just late night fishing. Yeah, good, good. All right, so there are only kind of small fishing boats since his village has kind of constantly been in peril. There's never been a time where they've had like big commercial fishing boats or anything,

but you guys can take like a small fish without a boat. Yeah, and we're gonna set up the fishing line. So it looks like we're just like... Little trawler, okay. Cool, so you guys kind of buy... Just like you pretend you know how to write. I pretend I know how to set up a fishing rod. So you guys bypass this dock

and kind of get away from this barbarian dude and you guys walk further and further down the bay. Somebody wanna give me a search check? Yeah. Yeah. Who's good at it? Search a skill. Why do I keep telling you guys to do that?

Search is a perception? Perception? Yeah, go ahead and give me a perception check skill. Why do I keep telling you guys to do that? Search is a perception? Perception? Yeah, go ahead and give me a perception check. All right. I got 18. 18. Great. You're able to find the fish.

You're able to find a ship. You find a boat that has some getting goals, like tucked under the seat. Well, about some worms and some bait. You do not find that. They're not just going to leave their worms in their boat. I leave a note and some gold. In the boat that you're taking?

No, in the fishery. Oh, OK. In the boat that you're taking? No, in like the in the fishery. Oh, okay. To say like thank you for letting us borrow your equipment. He signs his name for some reason and I cross it off. You write a different name. So you guys. Jenny. Is this my nickname? So you guys take off on the boat. Uh-huh. You guys get out into the bay as you are riding across the bay, you can see all the fish swimming up. And it is so easy to fish here that literally big yellow fin tuna and stuff are like just like jumping into your boat, flapping at you and smacking you in the face. I mean, I'm just swimming them out. I'm kicking them back out. I feel like we should hold on to them. We could maybe use them to bargain with later on

or eat or eat. I think you guys can hold on to them. I'm probably just kicking them back out being like get get I thought it's just furiously eating a halibut I'm airing at one. Yeah, I feel like I um how long a journey is this? Not not super long. Okay, so I wouldn't have time to like skin a fish and like be like it probably be like 15 minutes I could skin a fish in 15 minutes. Okay. We in sushi. Yeah, I prepare sashimi forever.

Great. Beverly makes some really great sushi that everyone gets super sick from. Roll for how many bones you swallow. So you guys get to the other side of the bay and you find this abandoned dilapidated dock You see that the wood is soaked through with water damage. You see spots of green moss and fungi a few jagged plants stick out across the walkway Can I can I collect some of that fungi sure you go over grab some fungi? Mm-hmm. Oh, what kind is it? Let's see, let's roll and see if it's poisonous. It is safe to eat.

Well, I'm not eating it. I'm just gonna put it in the Spore Library. Oh, okay, yeah. It's like a blue cap, so it's like a little island? No, so it's a bay, so it kind of is like a sideways horseshoe into the land. So south of the bay is, the south side of the bay is a village and North of it is the swamp. Oh, it's this big expanding swamp. So you guys standing on this

Delapidated dock Facing out from the bay. You see this great expanding swamp and you see the hanging leaves of like the mangrove Grove trees and the weeping willows make it like impossible for you to see through. You do notice though at like the edge of the swamp you see a broken spear and a long sword stuck in the mud. Broken spear and a long sword stuck in the mud. Okay, so presumably that's some sort of like warning to like stay away. Or an entrance. Or there could be like people guarding that area and they just like went to take a pee or something. Can we do like a perception check or something? Yeah, I do like an investigation check. Murph, while Emily's doing that, you guys can all

roll for investigation. I got 18. Perfect. Oh, yeah. There was a fight here. There was clearly a fight here. I got a pee here. I got a four. So hard one, look around and take a seat. Hard one doesn't see shit. Yeah, he still thinks that maybe somebody left it as a mark that it's the entrance It was definitely a struggle here. You see that somebody was dragged into the swamp. Got you. Do I see anyone like in the trees or anything like that? No, do we see maybe any torn necrot chips or Merid badge sessions you do not hear but you know you do notice that when you pick up the long sword You see that it is identical to your green teen long sword. Huh.

Guys, this sword is identical to mine. What do you think that means, Beverly? Hmm, Beverly thinks for a little too long about it. A full... Someone hasn't silent minute. Someone hasn't gotten his critical thinking badge yet. Still working on that one. I think that the green teens were here. Man, someone hasn't gotten his critical thinking badge yet. Still working on that one.

I think that the green teens were here. Before we proceed, I want to ask, when Shay healed us, did that replenish our spells flots and whatnot? No. Okay, cool. Great. Cool, good, good.

Anything to do with my acne either? I feel like it cleared it up a little bit. He's looking fresh faced, looking good. All right, hmm, I wonder if I could, I don't think there'd be magic on these bully wags. I don't think I can like use this. I don't think I could detect an aura on the sword or anything like that.

Although, could I detect the magic from the other green teens? No. The purpose of detect magic is to like see if something is magical. Like if you go to a door or something and it's sealed closed, you can see if there's a spell holding a close. It's not to like, try okay. We're going in blind.

Yeah, I think we got a stealth in, because I'm getting goose pimples. This place is not real. So you guys do see her investigation check was really good. You do see someone was, was dragged in there. And you do see that it is pretty easy to follow the tracks because it's Super thick muck. Okay, can we stealth in a boat? You're not in the boat. Yeah, we're walking through the muck now. Yeah, we're off the boat. We're in the muck Yeah, let's follow the track nice and stealthy. Yeah, okay, you guys are you guys are still thing everybody go ahead and

So tell me in what order everyone's going is somebody like scouting ahead or is Who is the best stealth? I have nimbleness. It would probably be me. I be it should say you have a Steltsfield. You're also wearing heavy. Yeah, you're not gonna be great at stuff. I still this plus two. I'm only plus two No one's good at self. It's under decks. It's a plus four. Okay, okay So maybe one goes first then I'll go and then we'll keep going. So are you guys following it enough of a distance that hard one's gonna kind of run into any trouble before anyone else's or you guys close together. I feel like we should let hard one be the scalding party. All right, so you're like

20 feet ahead. Yeah, okay. Are you cool with that? Cool. So you're gonna be the part of your stuff. You're gonna kind of you're gonna be the primary stealth role because you're the one that's kind of scouting ahead. So hard one Starts going after these chains. Oh That's a that's a nine Huh, that's yeah, that's That's not a I should have wait a swamp wouldn't count as woods, right?

Mask of the wild wouldn't have any effect here. Mask of the Wild? That's very cool. Yeah, that that counts. It means in woods it's easier for me to hide. Oh shit. Oh yeah. I should have gone first. We'll know for the future. Yeah, but for now hard one, it's making loud sounds in the moth walking. It's like sucking at my boot. Yeah, hard one like Sneaks forward two steps then like steps on a bird So hard that would have happened to anybody hard one as you walk ahead you turn Just in time to see a spear being thrown at you as you're heading right towards you and That is going to be a 17 to hit does that hit you what's your AC 16? It does hit you.

Damn it. Uh-oh. Sounds like we're about to hit that niche. Yeah. You got hit for seven. Oh boy. So you got hit with a spear for seven. Everybody go ahead and roll me initiative. All right. Okay. Actually wait. There's two of them. Sorry. The other guy's a spear at hard one and a surprise. Oh cool And he's gonna hit to I'm so sorry hard dude. No That's 12 total 12 total. Oh boy. Okay, so everybody roll Just like collapses like don't worry guys. I got this This is such a good turn from hard one in episode one where he was so confident and cool.

Hey, no. Right after I got fully healed by the druid later too. I got a tin. I got a 11. What'd you get, hard one? 11. But is that plus your decks? 4.

No, so 15, 15. Hard one. You get to respond. Woo! You turn and you see these, you see these B-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D Frogman who are probably like four feet tall and kind of burly kind of like the worst I was bigger than a crew bully walk I point to them and say those are bully wugs Thank you Beverly So you can swing on them if you want or you can do whatever you like yeah, I'm fucking piss okay Great acts coming out straight for this dude's dome try to split them in half from the head

Yeah, you hit. Hell yeah. You hit the dome in the brush. 17. Oh man. So you hit for 13 total. You do fucking cut this dude. It just smashed this fucking clock.

The other one like fucking boy. Big boy. That is moonshine. You're up. Okay. I'd like to cast entangle like with the main grove. There's only once. Oh there's only one left. One is dead. So these guys are not this you know this seems like a scouting party or there's some sort of a exploratory vessel. I think Beverly would be correct in

assuming yeah. I'm just gonna straight up try to hit him with my cemetery just keep it simple. Moonshine runs up. That's a two that you're rolled. That's gonna bid two, but I am still gonna halo spore him for three. Because I'm not. Oh, okay, you can still do that even when you're here. I'm not simple, like entity, but. Got it.

Okay, so you shoot some spores at this dude and he looks, he does not like it. He does not like it one bit. Does he sneeze? Uh, yes, he sneezes a little bit. He just a little. Two. Uh, Beverly, you're out.

Okay, hard one, what's your HP? A bit. 10. Looks like half. I'm going to kind of run up and latch onto his back. And I hate when he does this. Yeah, it's never happened, but you know that you hate it. I'm going to use Touch Hands.

Lay Hands, you mean? Lay Hands, Touch Hands. He's gonna touch him. Just wants to high five. Oh my god. I high five him. Grand, and he's gonna touch him just let's die five. Oh, yeah I high five him grand and he's healed. I believe it's 10 health a back that's me on the back Now it is this little young in his powerful. He's gonna take a swing I don't make young and like you take a swing another swing it Beverly or not Beverly hard one

I'll save that there's dude a freaking dink to off your axe you were able to swing it back around and block this dude After getting his ass kicked by some frogs a lot of noise again take it to I do remain on his back. Oh, yeah swing it for the dudes throat What is that a 14 total 14 to hit that does not hit fuck me this dude you swing your axi Blocks it he has a shield that takes us to moonshine. How big all right moonshine's coming with our simmitar again do it up 18 For hitting him for three Another sport a fake kids dude fucked up, he's on Dad's door.

So that's it. It was pretty hurt. That's you, Beverly. From hard one, shoulders, I ready a javelin. OK, so that's plus five to attack. Let me roll. He's just going to toss a javelin out. Yeah, OK.

Actually, well, I already rolled it in his 18. OK, yeah, he did. Yeah, so I throw that. is that gonna be a hit? Yes, definitely. That's going to be a D6 plus five, that's eight. Eight, okay. Oh, it's only plus three. It's only plus three.

It, uh, no. Oh yeah, that's what it's a six. Okay, so six. So still, this dude was almost dead. Uh-huh. You see, he was like coughing from all the toxic sports. Just gets fucking javelin through the head. He sticks to the tree behind you.

Oh, that's awesome. Is he dead? He's super dead. Okay. Can I search his body? Yeah, raise any interesting fungi? Yes, we should do it, search. But he definitely does not have any interesting fungi on him.

But he has some uninteresting stuff. He does have, he's got like a little shield. He's got a little wooden shield. He's got his spear and he also has a Burlap sack. Let me go through that sack. Yeah, you open up the Burlap sack. Hope it is most rooms and it is empty. Can we take the other one the other guy also has a burlap sack. Why are they empty? I just wanted to see if they had any affiliation sigils or perhaps like a tattoo or any sort of like identifying marks that would give us information about the larger clan? Nope. They're just frogs.

They're just frogs. Huh. I can't believe their burlap sacks were empty. What were they going to put in there? You know, I think that these might be good for a jambalaya. Okay, if someone's gonna talk about jambalaya, I'm gonna make a bonfire, make that some... Are you making a bonfire right now?

Let's focus on the kids. Okay, that's good. No, you're right, the young-in. Uh-huh, I'll do the young-in. Yeah, yeah. However, can I rip off one of their legs so I can later make a bollywag jambalaya? Yeah.

I'm like, uh, I guess... Let me sniff at it and see if I think later make a bullywag jumble. Yeah. I'm like, let me sniff at it and see if I think it's like, they smell so rank. Okay. These guys are disgusted. You got to cook them first. I tussle Beverly's hair and I say, I don't think this is gonna be the best jumble.

I don't get that cooking merit patch yet. Not today. You hang around with me, you're gonna get a lot of patches. All right, guys. All right guys I just focus up focus out Okay, on work. Happy that matter Beverly cuz he healed me you travel through the muck You're pushing like the hanging leaves out of your face hard one in moonshine the mud is up past your ankles and Beverly You're like me

Can I ride on hard ones track? Is that cool with hard ones? He hates it, but yes, he loves it. Okay, he loves it. Oh, now you just, you just trailed Muck up Hardland's track. Thank you, sir. So you guys are following the tracks left by the bully wugs. It's kind of easy.

These guys are stupid. And they just like left these big tracks in a straight line. Can I go first? I've got mask a wild. So I'm using that to like lead the group to because it makes it easier to hide than in the woods. Cool. So yeah, as you guys are traveling, moon shines, taking the lead, a little bit more stealthy than hard one was. Hard one is now just carrying Beverly. I'm like Catherine Zeta Jones in entrapment level like stealthing. Okay, great. It's like unnecessary.

and Zeta Jones and Entrapment level like stealthing. Okay, great. It's like unnecessary. Yeah. Just like getting down in the mud, just covered, covered in freaking swamp water. So you guys are able to follow these stupid bullywugs tracks because they were pretty careless

as they went through the mud. But then suddenly things get a little bit more difficult. It looked like they were all walking in a straight line, but now you see that the path kind of diverges. You see to the north a giant puddle, like a big puddle, followed by like a six foot wall of mud, and the tangled roots of like a mangrove tree hanging out of it. And you see broken roots and like a little froggy footprints

on the side of it. So you can see that some of them clearly like climbed the mangrove tree and you see to the right a path in the mud where it seems like something big was dragged Hmm What tell me about this puddle What are you doing in the puddle? I'm at that puddle. What are you doing in the puddle? I would like to get to the edge of the puddle and just like look in. Cool. It's just trying to sense depth or what it's made of or anything like that. Sure. It's it's pretty murky. You're not gonna be able to tell how deep it is by looking at it but you can stick your

foot in or you can put your hand in or something like that. I'm gonna stick my staff in. Oh. You stick your staff in. It is not that deep. Okay. It's like two or three feet. I want to inspect the like, dragging trail to see if I can discern what was dragged.

Go ahead, give me an investigation check. Okay. Let's say nine plus two. A level. Cool. Let's say nine plus two. 11. 11. So you don't see any like frog footprints or anything going this way. You just see whatever was being dragged was so big that it's sort of cleaned up behind

it. And it's just this one kind of mass that's getting dragged. So like a big burlap sack full of kids to me. I big so. Or a sled or something. Uh, just yeah, okay. So I can't. A sled is very optimistic. Yeah. Bollywag just captured them for a slide ride. So I can't tell if it was a creature or if like it was a sack.

I, I do know that something big was dragged this way. That's what you get with a tin. Fair enough. Okay. That guess maybe we follow this, right? Yeah, we follow. Okay, so you guys start going. Wait, what was that wall that they climbed up? There was, so there was like a muddy wall when we were in the head. There was to the north.

You saw, it was like the mangrove tree that was hanging off that six foot wall with frog footprints going up, up it like they climbed it. And then something big was going to the right. Oh, maybe I could, I'm a good climber. I could also turn to a giant lizard in which case I could climb as well. That's true, too. We should follow the track,

but I do wanna see him turn into a giant lizard. We just have to see what's over the wall. Yeah, so yeah, what's over the wall? Then maybe we won't use it, but if we just need to see what's over the wall, maybe we just use your climbing skills. Yeah, do you wanna check what's over the wall before we proceed? Yeah, watch this Give me give me a climb check am I still on his back?

I Was Is he just grabbing onto roots? Because I have I got a plus something there. That's a six I got a plus something there. That's a six. That's a six. So hard one very confidently leaps over the puddle, grabs onto the mangrove tree, a branch instantly breaks off and he falls back into the puddle, soaking himself, ended Beverly.

I offer him. Go ahead and give me both of you guys give me a perception check. Actually, all three of you give me a perception check as you splash into the little puddle. Of course. I got a- 17. I got an 11 plus, yeah, just a straight up 11. Okay.

I can't find it. Oh wait, 19. 19. Okay. You, as you splash down in the puddle with hard one, you see in the mud a patch, a cooking batch. Ooh. Oh, and I'm so tempted by this because I don't have that patch. And like my first thought, my first immoral thought is just a fix it to my sash and claim it as my own. But I think better I've been say. I see this because we had just talked about it.

And I put a hand on Beverly's shoulder and I say you're better than this you're right friends the green teens have been this way this patch this could have been early crann or German one of the three they're the only three in our troop that have this patch so it was just in the puddle right it was still don't know if it if it went if it was a lost Climbed how desperate are we to see over this it was closer. It was much closer to the wall than it is to the track to the east I'm gonna get up tonight. Okay, so if I turn into a giant lizard can I shuttle them over? It's not a hard climb. He just rolled a two

You don't need to try to do it without even turning Everybody just give me climb checks Watch this is gonna be beat at 10. Is that acrobat? Yeah, it's athletics. Okay, 15 you got it. You I Looked out a hard one from the top. I got a chick. Okay Moonshine I looked out at hard one from the top. I got a shake my head. Okay Moody Moody Moody gets up there easily hard one follows up Head hanging down to check and Beverly follows up easily behind hard one the only one who did not get up on his first try

Was hard one sure I said we want to be known sure, but we know that sure foot is the one who fell So fucking hard one the trick is to take it slowly and steadily So as you guys climb up you're able to pick up the tracks again the bully wugs were clearly here Huh, and you continue to follow for a bit. What what order you guys walking in how are you guys First And then we're hanging back so you guys are Walking forward following the tracks and the muck is getting deeper

and deeper. Hmm, shit. Huh. Well, I'm back on hard one shoulder. Okay, you're back on hard one shoulders. So you guys, you're like, that's why it affected my climbing because you actually kinda hurt my shoulder before.

So that was a plank. I've got my spiked last out and I'm patrolling Like, that's why it affected my climbing because you actually kinda hurt my shoulder before, so that was a blank area. I've got my spyglass out and I'm patrolling the area. Okay, spyglass, go ahead and give me a perception check. Okay. That's a three. Can I? Can I?

The spyglass is very muddy. Can I do a knowledge nature about this rising muck, if I'm like, I don't know how the terrain is changing. Sure. 20. Whoa, damn, you're gonna know everything. You see? He gives us a 20 minute lesson about swamp by all the time.

You see, as you're walking through this mud, you see ahead of you, this pool of muddy water and the tracks stop. You think that that might be like quicksand. Oh, okay. But you do see tracks. You see tracks up on like a hill ahead without burning my- Is there a way to get around that? Can we skirt that pool?

You could take the long way around, but you'll need to do some nature checks and stuff to see if you can keep tracking the bully wugs. Can we check? I want to like investigate. Can I? Can I? How big is it? It's about 20 feet. Okay. Can I then cast shape water on it and freeze it? I have a 30 feet. It says 30 feet. Yeah. Would we know if this was like magical quicksand or if it's just normal for trying to detect magic on it? If you don't know if I want to burn detect magic on this, gotta be honest, it would be a great use.

Oh, okay, but it does say you can freeze the water provided there are no creatures in it. Are there creatures in it? Well, should we yell at the puddle? Can I stick my staff in and see if there's... Are there any...anyone there? You stick your staff into the muddy water. You do not immediately feel anything. Okay. Then I guess I'm going to cast shape water. Yeah. It's only a cantrip, so I'm going to cast shape water and try and freeze it. So moonshine summons the elements and you see

Frost coming oh Frost coming off of her hands as she shoots like a rain washboard She's summoned you play she she strums her washboard in a beautiful icy tune. Shamanic. You see the muddy water freeze and then a giant fucking snake. I'm burst out of it. And everybody roll initiative. Shit. Fuck it, snake.

Melora, fucker. Not a magic snake, though. That's gonna be a 20. Good Lord. I rolled a what? Okay, you gotta get you gotta swap out for some new dies. I gotta I gotta 12. Okay, okay garbage. What'd you get? What'd you get? Moonshine? Oh, I got 20. Okay. I want. You go first. Okay, I would like to cast Thunder Wave. Okay, go ahead. He does a constitution saving throw. Okay.

Or he takes 2d8 damage and is pushed 10 feet. Okay. He got a nine. That's probably not going to do it. Nope, okay. Okay. 2d8 damage. So how much 2d8 damage?

Yeah. Go ahead and roll. One, eight, so nine plus. So nine and then he gets pushed 10 feet. Okay. 2d8 damage. Yeah, go ahead and roll 1 8 so 9 plus 9 and then he gets pushed 10 feet. Okay, and then I'm also gonna Sporum spores ass dude. You shot him. Yes, you got a story more cool 12 bitch Biggest thing. He's probably like 15 feet long. He's a big ass. How wide? Touch me? That's what's a big ass. How wide. Talk to me about the earth. That's what's big.

He's thick as fuck. It's too thick, honestly. He's as thick as your neck all around it. He's as big. That is going to be you, Bev. OK. Do I know anything about this species of snake or any details in particular?

No, you can roll me a nature check. All right, cool. Nature check. That's a one. You don't know shit. You did not get a nature check. All right, cool. Nature check. That's a one. You don't know shit. You did not get your snake bed. That lizard is missing its legs. All right.

So I will say, you can kind of do, like you guys have kind of already figured out that you guys might sink if you go in this mud. So if you run into slash this dude, you did not freeze it. It does not work when there's an animal in there. Oh, okay. Yeah, so there was a creature. But I pushed him 10 feet.

Did that push him out of the water? No, he's back in there. Okay, 20 feet long. You can prepare an action that when he snaps at you guys that you swing at him. I got you. You can do that. I think I'm going to, I'm going to use it.

I'm going to throw a javelin. I'm going to launch a javelin from hard one shoulders again. Cool, cool, go ahead and throw it. Okay. That's a six plus five, so 11, 11. Yeah, you throw the javelin, it misses the snake lands in the mud and you just see it sink. That's it, it's gone.

And as a bonus action, I'm going to cast a shield of faith. So a shimmering field appears and surrounds a creature of your choice within range, granting it a plus two bonus to AC for the duration. Hard one, that's gonna be you. What do I do? You get plus two AC. So you're at 18 armor class for now.

Cool. Yeah, it's going to be the snake's turn. He is going to snap forward at Beverly who just threw the javelin at him. And he rolls a fucking wand. So he just like fucking face plants as Beverly who scoots out of the way. Does he, does his like little tongue flick my face?

Sure, yes. Absolutely. In fact, you just like it. He just, huh, gives you a nice little lick and you think he's being friendly. Give me a little snake kiss. That takes us to a hard one. What happens as I rolled that one?

Do I hear you? You're last. were last your last so now you just go great 12 plus four what is it 16? Yeah, no, no, you got a 18 hit so yeah you hit nice go ahead and roll your damage Whoa Baby 12 plus four so 16 damage damn Whoa! That's a 12, baby. 12, maybe 12 plus four, so 16 damage, damn. Yeah, you fucking slash at this dude and... Did I do something with my two little axes?

No. Oh, well, you can, I mean, you could have made your attack with your throwing axes, they do less damage. Fuck it, never mind. No, no, no, no, no. You can like twirl the axes, it would be like twirl them if you'd like to just do something for show. Yeah, yeah, that's what you're saying.

You slash them with your big axes, he rears back and screeches it. You just twirl your axes. I'm not gonna be- You're drug sticks. I'm not gonna be satisfied until we sepher off this snake. Cool.

Yeah. That takes us back to Munchain. Okay, I will now use my cantrip chill touch. And there's nothing chill about what's gonna happen. Okay. I'm gonna make a ranged spell attack. Okay. I hope it hits.

It's gonna be 21. That's super hits. And now he takes one D8 Necrotic damage. He's not undead, is he? He is not undead. He's just a snake. All right, well, he takes three damage. He takes a big three damage.

But, man, I just say, man, I just say a ghastly skeletal hand came out and grabbed. Oh, he's spooked. Yeah. He's super spooked. He did not like it. He did not like it. He did not like it. He did not like it.

The hand clings to the target until the next turn. So it's clinging to him. So a ghastly skeletal hand just kind of lightly slaps him. Yep. Oh, okay. Just give him a wet willy. And icy willy. Stop.

That takes us to Bev. Come on, Bev. Okay, I feel like I'm just going to. You are only hope. Ha! Never leave. I guess I'm just going to try come on Dev. Okay. I feel like I'm just gonna you are only hope Okay, I guess I'm just gonna try and slash at the snake. I'm out of spells slash him. Let me slash at that snake take a swing All right, take a swing, baby. I'm aiming for his gully cool 16 that's gonna hit on Roll your D8 D8 That's a 7 plus 5.

So it's wail. He screeches. He's pissed. I did it. He sticks his tongue out at you. Guys, I made the snake mad. That is, oh boy, that's a snake. Uh-huh, snake, that's.

He's gonna try to bite at. Actually, he'll probably try to bite at a hard one because you're on his back. So he's not just gonna go for Beverly. Our plan is backfiring. Our tower of power is drawing unwanted attention. That's an 18-a-hit and I believe that's your armor class so that is gonna hit. Wait. Oh yeah shit even with a plus two. Yes. So he swings down and attempts to grab hard one. Oh yeah, you're right. And he does seven.

He does 13 damage to hard one. Oh, yeah, you're right. And he does seven. He does 13 damage to hard one. Wow. And the target is grappled. So you are restrained. So he has wrapped himself around hard ones. Good, good, good, good. Now I'm not good for a hard one, but.

Now it is hard ones turn, hard one. You can not make an attack this round. You can just try to get out of being constricted by this giant snake. Cool. Flexing every fucking muscle in my body. Hahaha. You rolled a one. Hahaha.

Hard one. Hard one. Hard one. Every time I feel like this. I feel like this. Hard one. This. Murph.

Can you roll to see how much hard one shits themselves? Wait, was that the right dice? Yeah, you rolled the one. Oh, I was in hand, I didn't know. Yeah, Eos watched this and it just meekly goes, Ugh! And you hear a little fart let out. You try to stick that out.

Uh, that's you, moonshine. Okay, oh, I'm just gonna make an attack. That's all I can do. What is your hip point that? I'm at nine I have the I have that potion that I could okay, I'm gonna hold up I do have I'm saving a first-level cure wounds for you, but I don't know if I'm gonna use it quite yet Appreciate it. I just saved everything you have for me. I'm trying to get rid of this So I'm gonna try to do capotating with my Zimichar.

Very good. 14. That hits. Six. Cool. And then, he looks pretty good. Three more spores. Oh wow.

Okay. He's pretty fucked up. Yeah. Back to bed. Make his upset. It is Bev's turn. All right. So I did into capotating.

Am I also constricted or am I like kind of, I imagine I, you're out. You were able to jump off hard one as the sick. So what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna draw my sword and I'm going to run along the spine of the snake, kind of spiral up along the constriction. Aladdin style. 100% Aladdin style.

And I guess I'm just gonna try and stab the snake wherever I can get a stab in. Yeah, go ahead and roll for Aladdin style. All right. I scream, Opa, Aladdin style. And nobody gets it or laughs. All right.

It's a hard one for us again. Oh no. What you get? It's a four. What's my shit? What strength? So it's nine. You run off and just slip off

Hard one just knows that Beverly could have saved him if he had just won his goddamn sword He held open lad and style ran up and slipped off after you just parted She's all a little bit. I definitely far as well, but not as much. I do a lighter fart When I was just like oh my god try to keep up. He's fucking idiot Okay, so this do I fall into the into this quick sin? No, no, you're okay That was just for labor Okay, this dude is going to round fucking squeeze hard when I go Okay, he doesn't manage to like he's squeezing and you're fucking flexing your muscles so hard This is a condo hard leave a fight back

That is gonna be moon trying to get okay Moosh is gonna attempt to decapitate him again. Oh everyone's trying to Look in the snake eyes and be like, you know, we do with snakes down at the creek We turn them into stew. And then she raises her cemetery and she goes up three. A lot of threes, damn, he doesn't miss so many times. And she loses her grip of her cemetery. She raises it overhead and doesn't do anything.

Oh, I forgot, but then I do blow spores. I still blow spores. Okay, throw more damage. Just dudes actually looking real fucked up. All right, hard forgot. But then I do blow spores. I still do blow spores. I do blow spores. Okay, just dude's actually looking real fucked up. All right, hard one. You get to try to get out. You get another strength check. Watch this.

17. 17. All right, burst out of the snake. Boom, baby. Hard one escapes. That's Bev. Huh, I guess I'll also try. You know what? I'm not going gonna try to decapitate it.

I'm just gonna just try and get as close to the snake as I can and swipe. I do want to cut it in half. Okay. So you guys are getting fancy for. Alright. I know you're gonna be a real fucking idiot. It's all just a fight for us.

It doesn't matter. It's just really funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna cut it in half while the hard ones like dead. Hard ones just like my arm is broken I scream this is for the green teens It's a six plus five Does that hit that does not it?

Keep aiming for the bleachers and it's not working for us The snake is gonna try to bite hard one now that he got out. Oh, god he hits. Oh! One. How many HP does hard one have? Hard one you take 13 damage. Does that mean I'm dead? You're knocked out.

Oh shit. Wow. The hard one goes down in the mud. Can we like administer a potion to him? Yes, I can also cure him. Okay. I can't. Just kill the snake, kill the mud. Should we like administer a potion to him? Yes, I can help you. I'm your turn, sure. OK. But I kind of want to, I still can't.

Just kill the snake, kill the outdoors. Sneak the outdoors of death. Yeah. OK, moonshine. All right, I say once again, you know what we do with snakes out of the creek, we chase them out of our buckets. Ever. Go toilet in.

OK. moonshine snakes don't have ears. He can't hear you. Well, maybe he can read my lips and then I hit him for 17 that hits that hits okay, okay, I go To do for four four No spores, okay, he's he's super super super He's not dead yet, but he's super you just constantly blow spores. Yeah, she gets to return. Oh, man It's my reaction Yeah, but he's you can you just constantly blow spores. Yeah, she gets to return. Oh, man

Okay All right, I'm just like you will have to roll death saving throws to see how you like recover I'm just like in this snake's face blowing spores at him while he like is surrounding moonshine's got the snake I'm gonna run over to hard one and cradle his enormous head in my hands and I guess try to administer this potion to him. Two D4 plus two HP two D4 to our friend. Hard one. Four. Four. And keep growing. She has really good potions. Six plus two. Eight. Okay. So you you come back back up with eight HP. Yeah, all right. Maybe I'll do my health potion on myself now. It is not your turn. Of course.

It is the snake's turn. I say, can you stand? The snake just bites hard one. What? Why did you wake me up for this? He feels like he's like got something for you. He actually misses hard one. Oh, yeah.

Pops back up to life. Instantly combat rolls out of the way. After yelling, watch this. Now it is hard when it's turned. Great. Sweet. I'm gonna kill this little piece of shit. Don't let's get him.

Oh, it's too moving damage. You do 12 damage. Oh, OK. OK. Tell me how you kill this thing, because it is dead. Hell yeah. Oh, okay. Okay, tell me how you kill this thing, because it is dead. Hell yeah. Oh, that's a nice.

Yes. Hard one. What a glory hog. The slow stride, the slow stride comes back. Great axe over the head. And I go straight between his eyes and I say, what was it? Opa snakes that.

Opa Aladdin's not. Oh, but Aladdin style. Oh, but Aladdin style. Oh, but Aladdin style. Hard one, doesn't even know what it means. He just makes it sound cool. So I have to tattoo that. Yeah. Do he split that snake?

Oh, he splits that snake right in half. Aladdin style. Whatever the fuck that means. Do he split that snake? Oh he splits that snake right in half a lad and style Moonshine immediately goes over and starts skinning some of the scales off so she can make a cube and And as you guys we're gonna end the session with Opal Aladdin style everyone covered in muck and snake guts as moonshine just starts digging into this giant snake I would like to You jump a lot. Yeah, you're a volleyball like Oh, yeah, snake said yummy yummy. This make a good jump a lot. I'll snake me. Oh my god

No, they're all swamp creatures who'd make terrible jump a lot. Oh, yeah, a little spice to it Okay, roll to see okay here. I'll roll to see if this could be a good jumble. I If it's higher than a 15, it'll be delicious. It's a nine. It's fine. It's a 9. It's a 9. It's going to be OK.

OK, we're making a job. Yeah, you guys are going to make a soup. Soup is on. I would like to take maybe one of the snakes' teeth. Sure. You can write down a snake tooth. Can I go through a gut and see if it was pregnant? Oh. Yeah. Can I go through with guts and seaboos pregnant? Oh, shit. We should go through with guts and seaboot

eight and a half. Oh yeah, that's a good point. Are there any lumps in it? You go through its guts and it does not have any halfling children in it now. Oh, thank God. About its own children. It did not eat its own snakes. No. Was it, yeah, was it a male or a female snake? A snake wouldn't have been pregnant. Didn't have it like your giant snake. Was it a male or a female snake? A snake wouldn't be pregnant. Did you have it like a giant snake?

It had a huge snake pussy. Ha ha ha. I just marked that down. Great. Is it's clip? Yeah, you have it. Is it just clitoris fork? Yes, yep, yep.

That's exactly what it is. It's a giant fork snake pussy. Go ahead and mark down snake pussy. You guys have a snake pussy? I'm just taking the fork. Yeah, great. I think by mark down snake pussy you guys have a snake pussy I'm just taking the Ford Yeah, I think by identifying the snake pussy. I do get my I do get my snake identification Badger the Ford Clitoris in their bulls good luck for a year. Oh my god. Oh god. I have it Okay guys, please rate the podcast because this is gold. Let's be honest Give us a give us a good rating.

Follow us on Twitter, add Jake Herles, add call to the, add e-axford and add CH-merf. Yeah, that's anything else, guys? Oh, if you want to send a shit for this or a bit book club, you can do it at 1920. He'll hear seven new, number 222, Los Feliz, California, 90027. Yeah, baby.

Anybody got anything else to plug? Watch, or listen, if I were you, rather? If I were you. Yeah, if I were you, a Jake and a mirror. Watching Netflix is the fall. We all really like it. It's good. Crowns good too.

Watch Drawfee on YouTube. And bye, me and Emily's book. Bye, our book our book buy my book It's called hey you up how to turn your booty call into your emerging emergency contact satirical relationship advice book coming out February 13th, so please check that out and We'll catch you guys next time the Bobby Yaga not take you this night. Maybe I'm it keep you farewell That was a hate gun podcast not take you this night and maybe I'll keep you.

Farewell! Peace! That was a Hate Gum podcast.