Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 37: The Man Who Threw the Knife (The Frostwind Chapter)

Episode Date: October 25, 2018

The Band of Boobs follow the mean teens into the crypts and meet the ominous figure known as "The Boss." Moonshine has it out with Bahumian Rufio, Beverly meets someone who loves his dad almost as much as him, and Hardwon seeks revenge. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music / Sound Effects Include:"Violin Variation" by Howard Geisel at Freesound.org."Crackling Fire" by sagetyrtle at Freesound.org."Unknown Tome" by Emily Axford."The Purge" by Emily Axford."A Tempting Offer" by Emily Axford."Descending" by Emily Axford."Desecrated" by Emily Axford.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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New one. I'm your dungeon master, Brian Murphy. Bahumyeh. Bahumyeh. New one. I'm your dungeon master, Brian Murphy, joined by Jake Merwitz. Hard one, surefoot. Emily Axford. Ming Shan Sabin, Chef, both two and of rodents. Ha ha ha ha. And Carl Doltaner.

Beverly Togo, the fifth, the bad lad with a lot of dads. Ooh, very cool. It's a long drive, y'all, I can't stress enough. I mean, I guess you do cook for Paw Paw, right? Yeah, Paw Paw's a rodent. And I cook for him. When you cook for him, like little insect treats. Oh, no.

I cook mostly seafood. We follow pretty Mediterranean diet down at the crib. That's cool. Good for our hearts. A lot of hummus. Yeah, pop-up school extra was amazing when he goes for his general checkups. All right, guys, let's do a little recap. So last week, you guys investigated the death of Gemma Bronzebeard.

You began by examining the knife and confirming that it was made by the Venerable family. You then snuck into Venerable's gems and geodes and ambushed more and Venerable in his workshop. More and used his geomantic powers to hide in the wall for a while, but eventually you are able to get him out and intimidate him into giving you information. This just sounds like you guys are bullies right now, but more and it's not a great guy. You were a bit emotional last episode.

Yeah, it's hard to lose a loved one. Yeah, it's hard to see a loved one, lose a loved one. Moreon informed you that important clients with a legal business often sent dwarfen messengers to buy weapons anonymously. You then stopped by the Fox and the Thrush, a tavern where you were supposed to meet Jaina Bronzebeard to get her read on the situation, but it was getting late and she had yet to show up. So you left Boundor and pop out a wait for her. Meanwhile the three of you headed to the Frostwind slums, an area known as Frostbite.

There you encountered the Frostwind Adorfinage where you fed some hungry dwarfins, then gave them some money and some much needed play time. Katia, the oldest, informed you that when their caregivers died, a lot of the kids had moved out and begun living in an abandoned chapel in the cemetery. There, they've been taking on odd jobs for unsavory individuals and working for someone called the boss. She also informed you that her brother, Doris, was one of these kids and that he occasionally came back to the Dorf and Edge to give them money.

You said you're goodbyes to Katya and the Dwarf and headed to the cemetery where a hard one was quickly discovered by the rude and rowdy teens. Come at me. Rather than being intimidated, hard one simply scooped a teen and started running. Moonshine followed suit and grabbed another one. But when Beverly tried to scoop the child, follow me. You say scoop, I say which teen.

But when Beverly tried to scoop the 13, he was grappled and quickly surrounded. Beverly quick to act, launched Operation Rad Lad and pretended to be another bad teen who was owed money by the kid that he was fighting. Beverly kicked the kids ass, but then used lay hands to heal them up. This greatly impressed the mean teens who quickly fetched their leader, Ruskack, a Rufio type, and informed him that Beverly had the touch. Ruskack informed Bev that they worked for Hell

and for Il said, and then led him into the chapel to meet the boss. Cool. Meanwhile, hiding behind some headstones, Moonshan and Hardwan were still grappling their mean teens. One of them informed you that Beverly was being led down into the crypts and then mentioned that

Joris would make them pay for attacking them because he quote, just did a big job and he's about to be inducted and that's where we are now. Ooh, from green teen to mean teen, let's see how far we've come. The car ride is long, but the rhymes are good. Okay, so hard one and moonshine, you guys are still off to the side here. You do see this group of teens and this Ruffio type this rustic kid who you don't even know his name because you guys haven't been introduced to him But he does have this skull mask and this big hooked sword takes Beverly into the chapel

Do you guys do anything or are you guys hanging back? I would like to real quick first grab a handful grave berries and what berries? I would like to real quick first grab a handful of grave berries. And what berries? Grave berries, the kind of berries that grow from the corpses, from the ripe soil of corpses. They grow wild all across cemeteries. But if you might know them as their colloquial name, Booberries, first I'd grab a handful of Booberries.

Yeah. Boo because of the spooky cemetery. I was like, I'm a boobie. I was like, I'm a boobie. I was like, I'm a boobie. I was like, I'm a boobie. I was like, I'm a boobie. I was like, I'm a boobie. I was like, I'm a boobie. I was like, I'm a boobie. I was like, I'm a boobie. I was like, I'm a boobie.

I was like, I'm a boobie. I was like, I'm a boobie. I was like, I'm a boobie. I was roll, can you explain what you wanted to do with the grave berries? Fell off the table, done count, doesn't count. Unless it's 20. It was a five. Beverly is dead. Oh no.

Okay, what do I add to it? He said it had to be a mad 20. It had to be a mad 20. Well, I did get a four. You got a four, okay. You pick up dirt. You find a grape, weirdly enough. Okay, that'll work out. Some of these kids are rearing grapes.

I don't work. That is my grape. Some of my grape. My little bag of grapes fell out of my hoodie. Well, here's a free life lesson sharing and I just take it. And then I would like to cast Goodberry on a couple grapes and give one to hard one one to me. Oh, to have like one HP berries to like feed to somebody if they pass out. Yeah, smart. Okay. Cool.

Uh, then are you guys doing anything? Cause Beverly's going in. Uh, I'm saying hard one. I'd, I mean, I think Beverly is very self-sufficient. I'm very impressed with him, but we got to get in there. Yeah. Should we kill these kids? Um, you know, hard one, we have a lot of kids. You can't kill me, fuck you. I like them. I like them. You know what, hey kids, uh, why don't come with us? We're gonna go on an adventure.

What, I don't wanna go on an adventure with you. You're just stupid. Okay. These kids are gonna learn everybody that we're here. Here's five bucks, scram. Um, I, for five gold, I will scram. Okay, I give them five gold to scram. These shitheads, take the five gold and just run off in the opposite direction.

Okay, yeah. Fuck you. Nice diplomacy. Oh yeah. Just, you know, I didn't want to kill the kids. Yeah. Yeah, I was just intimidating. I know. I just like I said, I didn't want to kill the kids. Yeah, yeah, I was just a diminishing. I know I just

He just here one plow down bed in the distance. I love I love your fat and spirit right now But let's save it for the adults. Oh, yeah, I'm pissed. Yeah, okay, do a quick set of push-ups Yeah, do it get a pump on You could do a quick set of push-ups. Yeah, do it. Get a pump on. Yeah. Yeah. I'm doing a wall sit against a tombstone.

Oh, I want to do a wall sit too. I love a wall sit. Let's get the glutes firing. Guys, Beverly is dead. He's just dead. All right. I want to one of the two strong ass quads. So you guys are sneaking in.

Yeah. Okay, behind the crowd. We're sneak wall sitting. Okay, there are a ton of kids, but they're going gonna be a little distracted by this cavalcade of people all around Beverly walking to the back of the chapel. So go ahead and give me a stealth check

and I will let you know if it's good enough or if the kids inside are alerted. You guys should crouch so you look like teens. Okay, I have got a 14. 18. Okay, so as you guys see this crowd go into the chapel you guys sneak up behind hiding behind Headstones and you guys slip into the church and kind of try to hide off over to the side That's how we get the wall sits in yeah, so we're behind the headstones, but not like crouched

We're sort of like wall sit. Yeah, you guys have like an eye on them as they enter and then you're able to slip in And hide behind some debris I hope my friends are safe and that their quads are burning. So Beverly, yeah. Russkack leads you into the chapel. The chapel is this large building made of stone and wood in the center, the main area where the pews would be. You see that those have all been destroyed and broken down to make firewood.

There's this massive fire pit in the center of the room. The ceiling is very tall and up in the wooden rafters, there are little purches that almost look like tree houses and teenagers swing on ropes from perch to perch. Oh, my Lord, this looks fun. Oh dang, a ropes course. Yeah, and they're looking down at you, you Beverly as you kind of walk through near the fire And kids are just like peeking out over their little nests and stuff. Yes, the touch the touch the touch the touch

What up? Hey fuck you dude fuck you I blow on my kiss. He blows you a kiss back. I love you. I give him I give him the suck it back. I love you. I give him, I give him the suck it. Oh yeah, dude, that guy looks like DX. So keep, so keep, break it down. Break it down, break it down, suck it. Oh wait, you guys worship, uh, D's nuts here. What's D's nuts? Oh, so cool. Fuck you, man. You rule. So, uh, you guys see at the other end of the chapel, there's a giant stained tabard that shows the hammer of moradin, but it's been graffiti. It has a bunch of ribs in it. And then where an altar should be is a crude throne made of bones.

Bound throne. Bound throne. Bound throne. Pretty tight, pretty sick. Oh, I mean, I know my butt is burning from these wall sits and I would love to just relieve it on that bone throne. I ask, Russkack, that's your chair? Yeah, that is my throne, hell yeah, dude. That's right, it's hell. I stole those bones from the crypt, man.

Ah, what? You didn't kill them yourself? I mean, that's cool, I guess. I could, yeah, dude. I killed it myself, man All right, I believe you do you I duck my shoulder off good whisper to Moody's kid's are kind of pose or something I should point out that I am wearing like a beautiful white fox cloak And I have my face painted like a jug alone Did you kill that fox, man?

Pshh, didn't need to. Killed itself when it saw me. Oh, dude, yeah, that's what happened with me and the bones. I was just walking around. That was just a regular chair. And I was like, I love DX. I love wrestling. I'm going to hit you with the chair and they just died.

Tight, that's what's up. That's what's up. Yeah, fuck everyone, dude. I punch him in the shoulder. Hell, dude, it's awesome. She was just like wipe out this compound of teens. I think we should murder them all. We could.

Let it just be known that I believe we could. I'm secretly thinking, I hope hard-wired want to moonshine, don't kill my new friends. So I never put them out of their misery, right? Right. I mean, what is their future? They're moderately charming as teenagers, but what are they gonna grow into?

Yeah, it's bad. So you guys are talking loudly enough. I'm saying this for flavor just because moonshot, you guys needed to get a 15 or higher to not get spotted, but moonshot got a 14. What if I got like a 14 that looks like a 15, if you know what I'm talking about, if you've been in the mall.

So Beverly, Russkack takes you like behind the throne and there's this little back room, but as you guys round the corner, some of the guys in the back of the group, over here Moonshag in hard one talking, we weren't doing anything except planning on killing them. We were merely plotting their deaths and doing mollases. And the one kid turns around and goes,

hey, we've got company. And then Beverly, you hear that. And you see Russ Gat goes, let me handle this friend, oh, and he turns around and hardwired it or actually they've only seen moonshine. Okay, so I see them see me. Yes, a bunch of the kids start to walk over to you and I guess I'm just gonna strut out and say who ordered the stripper? Go ahead and give me a performance check. Jesus are you gonna strip for children please don't for the love of God fail?

Are you gonna strip for sure please don't for the love of God fail? I'm not gonna strip for them. I'm just gonna dance like I'm about to strip but that being said I got a seven So it should be convincing but the dance just isn't good That's my pitch to you You come out and you start like strutting and saying, who ordered the stripper? And Russ Gack comes out and he goes, the weird, very serious operation here. We work for hell with not knowing the order to stripper.

Oh, I'm. He gets like real, you see, he gets a real red face. We did not order a stripper. Oh, I'm sorry. You all know what? I think that sometimes people prank people about ordering strippers to their, each other's houses. Maybe that's what happened.

What are you really doing here? Okay. God, how many times I gotta pivot this? I'm looking for someone to kill my husband. There you go. Okay. You'll find our hideout. I have to bring you to the boss okay all right tie her up oh okay yeah fine show hey let me do it give me a

persuasion check by the way it's been really really hard not for me not to jump out and say who ordered a stripper I just want to do it for the joke. That's a 19. 19, okay. I make rope appear with minor illusion. Oh. And I'm like, let me tie her up. I've got a way with knots.

Oh, god, it's chafing on my wrist. I tie it super loose. And also it's magic. Cool. You tie a magic knot around moonshine, but she looks to be bound. Mm-hmm. It's hard.

Now we have a captive. Cool. We're very bad ass. Yeah. Break it down. DX, D generation X. Oh, my, I should be a pro actor. Yeah, I'm one rotten ass.

With the Russian accent. Yeah, what? This is the boop boop. This is the boop. This is the boop. One kid has a BMX bike and just hops over the fire. Whoa, it's so cool, man. It's like you're beginning a free willy.

I am praying so intently to pullore in my head right now. Oh, I'm just apologizing for being a bad teen. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry about that. The boop boop. Also just generally like asking for protection in this moment, right? You see how Russ Gack turns to you, Moon Shine, and he kind of grabs your arm and your shoulder and he goes, strength to see an elf in frost wind. Yeah, well, I'm a dirty grifter. So it's a good thing y'all got me bound.

All right, well, we'll see what the boss has to say about this. Yeah, who's your who's your boss? By the way, I work for hell. Yeah, we work for hell. We work for hell Are you scared? I should be scared honestly the person I'm scared of stuff is that little one because he is a rough with tying me up meow Did you just meow? No, what? Honestly, that was terrifying. Straight cats.

They got nothing to lose. That was scarier than anything. All right, you're all coming. Let's go. What is your name, by the way, new kid? Oh, you just call me skinny D skinny D. Yeah, cool name. Very cool.

Thank you. Thank you. My name is Russ. Cat. I'll Russ. Cat. What's up, my man? Hey, what's up? Can you call me devil D? No, you are a cool. Thank you. Thank you. My name is Russ Kack. Oh Russ. Kack. What's up, my man? Hey, what's up?

Can you call me devil D? No, you are a You're a prisoner. You're a prisoner. Come on So Russ Kack grabs moonshine Bev kind of grabs moonshine on the other side And he takes you guys behind the throne and hard one. I'll let you continue to use your stealth check You're stealthing up behind them. There's plenty of fucking trash that you can hide behind, just like broken barrels, half pews,

and everything that you can kind of sneak behind. And these kids aren't that smart. Or good. Believe it or not. Believe it or not. But you just throw some quick water out to them. So you're able to sneak behind them as they're rounding the corner.

So Russ Gack takes you guys to this little back room behind the throne. It's got a statue of a dwarven warrior. It's cracked and it looks like it was holding a hammer at one time, but that's long since been broken off. Russkack goes, I fucking broke it off. I used to carry that hammer around,

just say it was my hammer. Oh, is it your hammer where to go? I freaking broke it, dude. Just like a piss and I just choked it at a wall and it broke. Pooh! Up top, up top, up top, dude. Up top, I'll drive you. I sack tap him.

Oh, look, you man. Very good, very good. Bev, go ahead and roll a perception check. Okay. Oh no. Can I roll a perception check. Okay. Oh no. Can I roll a perception check? Yeah, that's a six. Okay, I really committed to the tap. 22.

22, okay. Moonshine, you see that Russ Gack is holding the okay sign on his leg and Bev's about to look at it. Oh shit. Oh no. What's that on your leg? Shit. Oh.

Hey, dude, it's got you back. Last time you did perceptive check, you murdered my girlfriend. This time it was just, just for a sweet little game. Huh? So sorry, Beb. Reporters, we're not enough. Otherwise, I wouldn't warn you.

I kind of like look at you and mouth. It's okay. Okay, so you guys see this crack, dwarven statue. On the one side of it are lines of prayer candles that have long ago melted away. And on the other side of it is a dark stairwell. There's an unlit torch sticking out of a handle in the wall. Smells like B.O.

Yeah, man, it smells like shit in here. When people die, they smell like shit, dude. Yeah, I hear they crap themselves. Yeah, man, I've never seen a freaking person die, not that I mean, I could imagine whether it would be like, I've never seen it, but I've seen lots of bones and bone smell like shit, dude. I've becautated like five people.

I'm rolling my eyes so hard. Yeah. Do they notice? Yeah. Your eyes are rolling. You were still checked for your eye roll. So the other kids kind of start to look nervous and they start making excuses.

I'm freaking hungry as hell dude. I need to get the fuck out of here dude. Let's go fight man. I'm gonna go look around for people to fight because I don't want to fight. Uh, and a bunch of- they just make stupid bullshit excuses of like why they can't go in. And slowly the crowd dwindles until everyone's just like back in the main room hanging out. And it's just, uh, moonshine, Bev, and Russkack. Mmm.

And you see Russkack grabs this unlit torch, uh of a handle in the wall and he lights it and he goes Now we go meet the boss About time about time you ready for this prisoner Yeah, yeah, actually, I'm pretty excited. I love me and anyone who's sort of started a business or an enterprise I think that sounds exciting. I did not know what you'd fuck you. So he starts to go down the stairwell. Hard one, are you following?

Yeah, I'm gonna follow you. Okay, go ahead. So you know what, I'm really fucking hungry. I'm gonna go outside and look for a lot. Some people to fight. Some people to fight some boob areas. That would be, I'm gonna go ahead. Hard one is kind of the grown up version of these badass kids. No to make a bite some boob airy. Not with the oven. I'm gonna go ahead and just kind of

the grown up version of these badass kids. No, I am not. You take that back. You're not the grown up version. You're not, hard on wasn't this kid at some point? I was never a, I was never a winter dwarf. He's fucking weirdos. The summer boys are harder than this.

Okay, I go ahead and give me a stealth check. Ugh, and I'm gonna have a breast gag to a perception check. As for descending I'm gonna have Ruskac do a perception check. As we're descending, what's my evil sense telling me? Evil as hell. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, okay. Just nine. You got a nine.

Okay, so Bev, Moon Shine, and Ruskac head down the stairs, the glow of Ruskac's torch lighting your way. You guys go through spider webs as you reach the bottom of the stairs and push open a large wooden door. Ruskak waves the torch and you see that you are in the crypts. There are vaulted ceilings with columns separating the individual crypts and cobwebs hanging over them.

There are cracked statues of dwarves next to sarcophagi, many of which have been opened and desecrated. Ruskak points one. The fucking desecrated that one, dude. Oh, tight. I hump one of the corpses. Dude, this is so funny.

That's so sacrilegious, man. Yeah, I can't believe I'm doing this. It's a little bit like it's burning you slightly. So it is extremely quiet down here. And these little dwarves and this little elf did not have to push the door open all the way to get in, but hard one sure foot did. So suddenly there's a creek behind. Ruskack snaps his head back and he goes, what was that? I had him a dark.

Can I cast Earth Trimmer so that it just seems like there was a drummer? Sure. So I cast Earth Trimmer. Okay, go ahead and give me a deception check. Nine. Nine. So moonshine, you need to do like a verbal thing for this earthquake spell. So you start like whisper.

But I'll do it under my breath. You're doing it under your breath. Russ gag, after turning and seeing someone enter behind you. He turns and sees you whispering as the ground begins to shake. And he goes, what are you doing? You are prisoners, you do not cast spells. Okay, I'm sorry, I didn't understand

that when I entered this prisonorship. He pushes you. All right, I just fight him. I go in a rage and I smack him. Oh, go ahead and roll initiative. Okay, it's gonna be 18. 18, okay, you do go before Russ Gack. Do I roll initiative?

Do you wanna fight? Yeah, yeah, I wanna jump in. Okay, so you guys are just, you guys are just attacking the deep wall, sit in the dark. Okay, so hard one is still hiding in the dark. I'm hoping they can just like put them in order. I got nine. This kid pushes moonshine and moonshine rips off the ropes.

The jig is up, moonshine that's your turn. All right, I'm not a symbiotic entity, but I will just attack him. I'm in a rage though. Okay, so you're gonna use a bonus action to go in a rage and I'm just gonna like pull back a sword. I guess we'll say you had it like under your coat. These kids didn't check you.

15 does hit him, yeah. Oh, and I have extra fire damage, right? Yeah. Ooh, rascal, you fucking loser. Okay, so I do. Still a teen, still a child. I hit him for 19. Do you wanna kill this kid? No this kid pushes you like

Fuck you you pull out a sword go into a rage and slash him across this deep cut across the chest And you see blood just coming out of his mouth and he goes He collapses. Hook. Hook killed Rufio. This is how the movie goes. Okay, I cur him. Do you have a spell?

Yeah, I have two, I have two first level spells yet. Really? You like spell? Actually, can I give him a good berry? I'll give him my good berry. Okay, nice, yeah, do that. Okay, you pop a good berry in his mouth, he choose it. Good berry for a bad boy.

He comes back into consciousness, and he's just like barely there. He's just like, what did you, why did you, where did you have soared? We should have frisked you. This is what I hate when we interact with teens, because I can't just, if someone pushes me, I can't get out of here.

Why did you use soar? That's a crack up. I'm real sorry about this. You pushed me. I'm real sorry about this pal. I'm not the bad guy here I thought you were way stronger you've been talking a big game. I fell for it anyone with my soul I healed you I healed you I am still so hurt. I got a baby. He's so hurt. I got a baby. I got a baby. I got a baby. I got a baby.

I got a baby. I got a baby. I got a baby. I got a baby. I got a baby. I got a baby. I got a baby. I got a baby.

I got a baby. I got a baby. I got a baby. I got a baby. I got a baby. I got a baby. I got a baby. I got a baby.

I got a baby. I got a baby. I got a baby. I got freaking fine. I'm, fuck you, fuck you all. And he runs, he runs back and he runs up the stairs. All right. I grab him. You grab him. He's not gonna go up the stairs. Yeah, there's a call.

Why are you, why are you, why are you here? Moonshot, I want me to finish him. I know. I don't want to hurt my axes. I don't want to hurt my axes. I don't want to do that. I don't want to do me. I don't want to. Say the word Beverly, he's done. I love what the gilvy. I thought.

Say the word Beverly, he's done. I think that's probably okay. You're kidding. You talked a real big game. I've never met the boss. I just, I walked him through the crypts and then they walked down. George is gone down there. He's the tough one.

I'm not tough. Okay, I'm a bitch. You are a bitch. I suck. Actually, this is worth it. I'm good, I hate you. I know. Okay, I don't actually, I bring them down to the crypts.

All the other kids think I go down and I talk to the boss, but I don't talk to the boss. All right, I'll tell you what, here's my piece to offer in here. Here's my olive branch or my, you know, Brambleberry branch I'm offering you I won't tell anyone that you've been lying Really yeah, I'll keep your secret. I'll say you were so bad as

Down here, could we say that the reason that I have this cut is because I thought both of you tell you what man I'm actually gonna give you another option. Okay. I'm gonna chop your head off. If you don't go upstairs and tell all the kids up there that you're a little bitch, and then everyone should go back to the door for an agent, take care of the youngins.

Arr, go ahead and give him. You guys are all little bitches. Give me an intimidation check with advantage. That's a nat 20. Oh my God. You see this kid fully pisses himself and he goes oh my god I think that if we do that then the boss is going to be really bad And he's I think

Joris said that it's very scary His door is down there right now Joris is down there right now Sometimes many I've talked to minions come up sometimes and talk to people And he hit oh I do not want to make a man Now sometimes me I've talked to minions come up sometimes and talk to people and the heat Oh, I do not want to make it mad. I'm sorry. He pisses himself more You attack me with so I didn't tell me Make me you're in it. Okay. Just go upstairs and tell all the kids you're a little bitch

You don't have to leave okay, but just go up there and tell them that they're no good I say that I'm just not strong? No, you know what I'm on the hard one side. I'm gonna say I'm a little bitch. Just say that you're a little bitch and tell them that they're all little bitches. Oh, thank you. You guys are all little bitches, aren't you?

Sorry, but that's just how it's gotta be. Fuck you. You're the weak little winter. No, you're a summer door. I'm gonna go. I think I'm You're the summer door You're the summer door I took it right out of the summer door I take a skull mask off and a bitch lapping with it How I spank them with the blood side of my ass

It is spilling I give them a handshake and I say hey man You know, good sportsmanship That was cool between us Okay, I like you the most Even though you almost killed me. Alright get the fuck out of here. Okay.

Uhhhhhh. You sprints up the stairs. I have these little teens. So now we gotta stealth down into this crib, right? That's where George is in for the better. These guys didn't know shit, they never even been down there. Yeah. Yeah, they were talking a big game.

Let's lock that door behind us though. Smart. Let's do it. I feel strong when I fight teenagers. Yeah, absolutely terrible. It's deeply distressing. We gotta delve into that later. Hardware didn't need to kick somebody else. Hardware didn't kick somebody else.

By the way, I'm so glad that y'all are back. Whoo! Being nasty is hard. I give Beverly a rad lad handshake. All right. Yeah, I tap hard one sec. I say Beverly a rad lad handshake. All right. I tap hard one sec. I say Beverly. I don't flinch. Oh, oh, oh.

That's a steel brother. Quietly throw up a little bit in your mouth and swallow it. I say Beverly, do you maybe want to apologize to that corpse? You threw us your junk in the face. Absolutely. Yeah, I think maybe you have a little bit. I prostrate myself in front of it. I'm so sorry for you and all of your descendants and ancestors.

Yeah, I just think it's good juju. Absolutely. Breezy cave wind comes through and the boeing hand just spanks your butt. Ever so slightly. I deserve that. Fuck you. Shall we descend? Yeah.

I think it's time. So you guys keep walking down through this first level of the crypts and you walk to the other end of the hall and you see another stairwell. And you see down the stairwell, you see like a little bit of a glowing light in the distance. Just regular light, yellow torch light. Oh, but it's like, it's clearly like you got to descend down the stairs and maybe there's

a door closed down there or something. It's not bright. Let's creep. Yeah. Cool. So, hello, everybody. So you guys descend to the stairs and the light at the bottom gets brighter and brighter as you get closer to the second level. You find another doorway here, but this one does have some light underneath. You see the glow of torch lights and you can hear footsteps on the other side. Maybe let's uh maybe let's listen and and see what we can hear. You get everyone to do a triple press on the door? Yes. Triple press. Okay, hard one on top.

Everybody. Everybody give me a perception check. Hell yeah, I got a net one. What do I perceive? I got your footsteps. I got it. I said that in the description. You don't hear it. 20 not net. Okay. Also 20 not net. 20 not net. Okay. Not net. Not net. Bev and hard one. You guys hear Bev and hard one you guys hear very very very very very faint chanting You're in that sounds like very very very faint chanting. Yeah, I can barely hear it But it's definitely chanting yeah, I also hear that nice Like I'm like, good, good, good. Just listen.

Yeah, what were you saying? I think it's like, chant, chant, chant, chant, chant. Chanty? Chant. Someone's singing a chanty song down there. Yeah. Yo ho. Moonshan in her head just replays slashing a teen across the

chest. That's hard. Just. Oh, I can't believe what I did in that youngin. I can't believe it. Now it's okay. He'll lie about that scar and everyone will think he's cool. That's true, you know what?

I made a more beautiful scar. And then it'll be a beautiful thing. Sounds like this guy might be calling the devil up, right? Some chance. I mean, yeah, can we do, is it loud enough that we can do a check? It is clearly not in this next room. So you guys were the 20 were able to faintly hear,

you hear a sort of hypnotic, repetitive group talk. Cool. Let's creep into this. Yep. Er. Okay, go ahead, is everybody going at once? What are you guys doing? I'll go first.

I'll go first. Bev, go ahead and give me. Bev, look in the conga snake. Bev, give me a stealth check. Chachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachach You creek, open the door, and as soon as you do, this dude wearing a black robe with his hood over, like it just happens to be like walking by at the exact moment. You see he turns and looks at you, Bev. Same white skin and missing black sunken eyes.

Oh, not these pose-os again. Yeah, that you saw at Smuggler's Bounty. Yep. You see he looks at you with these vacant eye sockets, and then suddenly he gets these like flaming pupils, and then they go away, and he goes, I will take you to the boss now. I'm ready. I guess I kind of like behind my back, like signal free all to follow follow but stealthily hard one and moonshine go ahead and give me still checks God damn I'm rolling well 21

16 Hmm Bev you begin to be led down this hallway moonshine and hard one you guys wait for a second You see that to your left. There's just one room there and another robed dude comes out and follows behind where like Beverly is. Hey, hard one. I think we need roves. Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. Is there only one robed guy? How many do we see any roves? All you see is you guys are like at the end of this hallway. To the left, you see one room

that this guy just walked out of that did his perception check and failed it to see hard one and moonshine, walks up and joins the guy who's kind of escorting Beverly down the hall. But is he trailing behind? He is trailing behind Beverly. I think we could share a robe, right? Or we could just take both of these guys that are with Beverly.

But one of them is leading Beverly. So we need him to lead the way, right? Or we could just take both of these guys that are with Beverly. But one of them is leading Beverly. So we need him to lead the way, right? Do we? I don't know. Interested. Okay, yeah, let's go for it. We could also just let them or they'll see if anybody else can do it.

Okay, yeah, yeah. Okay, so you guys are following Beverly and yeah. I'm too curious to see you guys So moon shine and hard one start following bev and these two robed dudes down the hallway You see the walls are lined with stone with torches lighting the way you see as Beverly walks with these two guys ahead. There are more guys with robes walking in the corridor ahead of you guys. You guys begin to catch up to these other guys. You see a lot of the guys with robes are entering double doors at the very end of

the hallway and you hear when they open the doors the chanting gets louder. But to the left before the double doors is another door that's being guarded by these two dwarves in like blackened leather armor with daggers at their sides, these guys all have like the missing sunken in eyes and pale white skin. And these roped guys open the door and gesture for you to go in. Alone? Who else would you go with?

T. Obviously with the hatred of the living in my heart. for you to go in. Alone? Who else would you go with? Obviously with the hatred of the living in my heart. I walk in. Okay. Oh shit. So Beverly, you enter a surprisingly cozy room. It's lit by a burning brazier that gives it an orange glow. There are bookshelves lined with books. Many of them stuffed with notes and mismatched papers. by a burning brazier that gives it an orange glow. There are bookshelves lined with books.

Many of them stuffed with notes and mismatched papers. It looks more like somebody's notes and maps than someone's literary collection. There's another door at the other side of the room. Then there's this big oak desk with a pale human sitting at it. He's got slicked back black hair and wears full black plate mail. He's got slicked back black hair and wears full black plate

male. He's got this big glaive on his back and his features are very fair and elegant but his eyes are red. You see that his pupils are normal but in the red iris there's a little bit of movement to them as if his eyes are a light with flame. He's sitting in this large chair lined with deep purple cushions and as you walk in he gestures to some chairs on the other side of his desk and he goes, please sit down. Sure thing. I said, you see this imposing figure looks at you and he goes, would you like anyone? I depends do you have red or white? I have red I have an elven red oh that sounds lovely

he pours you some wine and he passes it across the table. Skillate home vintage? It's from Glade Home. This is good stuff. It's very good yeah so you're a paladin. I mean, in some ways, what does that mean? I mean, I've devoted myself to certain pursuits. What did you devote yourself to, boy? I clenched my amulet. I pray to Polore in this moment asking for what to say. Go ahead and give a religion check.

I knock on the door and I say housekeeping. I'm just kidding, I'm so excited. Okay, I got a 18. You can kind of gather just logically and maybe this is Polore speaking through you or maybe this is just you scrambling to think of something to do or say in this moment. There's no real good way to go about this.

Uh-huh. Okay. I chuckle a little bit. I devote myself to the highest bidder. Hmm, not much of a pellet in then. Supposed not. But in these times it's hard to be much of anything. Go ahead and roll a deception check with disadvantage. I can sense your holy power boy. Shout out to the two crew. Ah! Devastating, too. You know, the two was always show up in the...

The other one was a seven- We should get a two tattoo. I know, I know. I think that's the way it is. It bulls haunts in the lights, yes. It's the two, Barry. I really wish I didn't have to do this. I wish you were a man of honor.

Uh, any cast's zone of truth on you. Go ahead and make a Christmas saving throw. Oh shit. Oh, what? Bips cares, Maddick. And you get to add four to those two. Yep. Oh, it's plus seven.

So that's 24 plus extra four, 28. 28. Okay. So he knows his zone of truth fails. And he kind of looks at you impressed. Well, you're stronger than you look. People say that. It's not often that we get a pallet in of your caliber.

I like to say paliper. That's just me. Do you know that? Yeah, do you? I like to keep it light. I like to keep it light. I like to keep it dark. I think I'm gonna like working for you. So you see, he kind of gets up and he starts pouring some wine and he goes, there's no

need to lie, we've already met. Oh, I feel like I'd remember your face. You didn't see my eyes looking at you? You didn't see any of my minions? Any of the members of the order? You know why they don't have eyes, right? That was like aesthetic, like they were in like black contacts or something? No, no, no, no, their eyes are my eyes.

Hmm. So you know. I know everything. Tell me, Beverly, have you ever heard of an anti-paladin? I mean, from context clues, I can gather, but no. The dark lord offers a path to power to anyone who would follow him and forsake their current God. You'd become much stronger. These minions I have out here, these isleus men, they get little tricks that the Dark Lord gives them, but a pallidon of your caliper, you would be strong, you wouldn't be a minion, you would be an ally.

Would I be able to protect my friends? The Ola thinks that she's winning this war, but we lurk in the shadows, and when the nine hells come for this realm, you want your friends and your family to be protected. I clench my fists. What's your plan? Hmm. I think it's important I don't divulge too much at this moment. Play close to the chest. Caesar, about as smart as you look. Thank you. Do you like this form of mine? Caesar, about as far as you look.

Thank you. Do you like this form of mine? I mean, I'm always game to see a costume change. Hmm. There are the eyeless, but then there are the faceless, the hollow bodies. This is a hollow body. This is not my prime body. Who's your tailor?

My tailor. Renée. Renée. I've heard of Renée and S.R.E. This is not my prime body. Who's your tailor? My tailor. Renee? I've heard of Renee in S3. Yeah, they're great. They're, wow, yeah. Listen, I might need to chew this over. This is a big life choice for me.

Hmm, perhaps you haven't undergone enough tragedy in your life yet. For you to choose this path, but there will come a day when Polar will prove himself weak and you will turn to me and I will grant a miracle. And he reaches into his pocket, he pulls out a gold coin and it's got an engraving of a triangle with a circle in the middle. It looks kind of like the symbol of osmodeus, but it looks like kind of a new take on it. This is kind of a new take on the symbol of osmodeus. Rebrand, yes.

My dad made it. This is my dad's symbol. Gritty Reboot. Mm-hmm. Rebroot. Any hands at you? Don't hesitate to call me if you're ever in trouble. I hope that I'm never that unfortunate. Hmm.

Then I guess we all hope for that, huh? We do. Now, go get your friends. This is silly. This episode of NADPOT has brought to you by Bird Dogs. There a company that makes pants and shorts, so no matter where you fall and the age-old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered. Now, we all know when the legwear war begins, and we're forced to choose a side, it's going to be difficult. Luckily, Bird Dogs has made the decision of which pants and

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To get yours and a free Yeti-style tumbler go to birddogs.com slash pop-up or enter promo code pop-up at checkout. That's birddogs.com slash pop- promo code Papa for a free yeti style Tumblr. You won't want to take your bird dogs off. We promise you. Okay, that's it for me. Go team pants and enjoy the show. I guess I walked to the door. How's keeping? My butt is super clinched? I'm coming around collecting the robes. Can I throw a do-a-load of wash?

You all need that, Lennie. But can we just say that Moonshan and I walk in sharing a little bit? I'll say that you guys hit around the corner and a guy had gotten his robe kind of stuck on a nail or something and left a rip to robe and you guys are sharing one one of them I get. I have flames for eyes and I'm one of you. Oh boo. I know. Oh okay sit down please. All right can I keep the robe on? Yes, I can look fetching on you. Yeah, I came in here prepared for battle, but it looks like we're just having a meeting. Yes, would you look some wine?

It's an elven red, complete home. Do you have any, uh, creek vintage? Creek vintage? I start rooting around. Haha. Do not root home. Haha.

She's looking for a creek water. I thought this was a classy establishment. That's a good point. Well, this is kind of like a foreign experience, you know. We're trying something new. When in hell. Yeah. We aren't in hell proper, by the way, right?

Does your in a basement, what are you doing at home? There could have been like a portal. What am I doing out of hell? Yeah, bud Give me the dwarf What dwarf I know you have him Everywhere no we uh no he's on the ship interesting. Yeah, would you trade him for some information? What kind of information do you want to know the man who threw the knife? I already know the man who threw the knife? Do you? Yeah, that's

information. That's more in general. That's hilarious. The wall master himself. What is it matter? What does it matter who killed her? Does it not matter to you? I don't give a shit. She's dead. We were broken up. This is good. Hard one. I'm impressed. Don't let your emotions tempt you into some sort of deal with this unsavory character. I am over that dwarf. Go ahead and give me a deception, Jack. Shout out to the two crew. Oh, boy.

You seem a little torn up about it. I am crying a little now that I speak of her. Ha, ha, ha. Very well. Then if a trade's not possible, I'll have to kill you. I, I, I, wait, I go to bed and I say, this is ill said in hollow body. I think so.

Okay. All the way. You mentioned your father. My name is Akarad. Okay. I'll read your letter. Did you I can read yes? I know you stole my gem I bought that gem fair and square. Thank you very precise In fact you've rooting around through my drinks. I need to reorganize these enough bettical order is your father Il-sid or is your father my daddy is ill said yes

Your daddy is ill said yesit yes your daddy is ill-sit yes I thought you know what well I won't take out my personal grievances with ill-sit on his son right you're lucky I don't kill you all right no you've stolen from me I'm offering you an out because your daddy stole from me what did he steal from you? My aunt. Slash maybe my mother but don't tell. Wait, why are a bell? Yeah. Are you familiar? I'm very familiar. Well good for you. We both lived in hell. Yeah. Should have down the street for me. Yeah. I'm the same cold as sack probably. Same cold as sack. We were both really rude because it was hell. Yeah, I am not surprised. And you know what, you know her better than I did,

and that is your dad's doing. So maybe we can just trade the dwarf from Maribel. I spill some wine. Shit. I can bring back Maribel, but not for the dwarf. The dwarf is mine. If one of you were to pledge yourself to the Nine Hells, I would be able to grant a miracle.

And he looks right at you, Hard one. What sort of miracle could bring someone back? Anyone? As long as we had a piece of their hair blood. In general, I would like to just put out an opposing idea that death is as beautiful as life and our living forms and our dead forms may all be part of a beautiful cycle and death may just be the day new month of a very good story just muddle that over. That's true, but we're talking the hilt of the knife, they killed Gemma.

Anybody. The only one who can grant true resurrection on this plane is the all. But if I have blood or a body part, I can help you resurrect her. But you wouldn't resurrect her as Gem of the Dwarf. She might be something else, right? I could bring her back as some kind of twisted nightmare version of herself just on my own. But if one of you were to join me, I would bring her back as she was. Y'all, do not fall for this.

Hard one goes to his knee. I want you to come back. But I can't, I can't, reasonably reasonably bring her back and know that she's not safe. You have to tell me who killed her. Who killed Gemma Bronzebeard? Is it the man who paid for the hit? The one who gave the order? Both. The man who threw the knife. All. The one who snuck in the man who threw the knife. Everyone. Dang, this is a common conspiracy.

Yeah, it's real pipeline. Yeah. Give me a list of all their names. If you were to join the order and dedicate your soul to the Nine Hells, then that would just be company business. You would be privy to that information. You'd be in the inner circle. Hard one.

I can't, I can't join the club without knowing the information. I don't trust you. Not any more than you trust me. I'm a man of my word. Give me one name. Do you wanna meet the man who threw the knife? I have him in the next room. Yeah, bring him in here. He's not in position to be brought in.

What the hell is that? He's sleeping. He stands up. He walks to the door at the other side of the room, and he opens it up. And it's pitch black in there. He grabs like an unlit torch, and he lights it for you, and he hands it to you.

OK. Okay. Be cautious in what gifts you accept from this trickster. BRB. I give a weird peace sign and I go into the room for a second. I give a weird peace sign but I do it like really really heartfelt. I do deep nod to the weird peace sign. I feel it in my heart. I held out my entire hand. I feel it in my heart. Hell on my entire hand.

I can't even try. I try, I do a weird hang loose. And start to shake it arithically. We're hanging tight. Can we go in with them? Yeah, you mind if I poke around in there? What do you say, accurate? Very well, but you'll stay back here with me. I don't want anyone escaping sure. You smell nice. Is that murder?

It's ax body spray. That's all we have in hell Can I open another open bottle of wine? Let me open it. You're doing it wrong I got it. I got it. I pulled it out the cork Great. You should let him use the rabbit. No, I dig it. I got it. I got it. I pull it out the core. Oh, this is too great. You should let him use the rabbit. No, I'll dig it out. I'll dig it out with the core. You're getting the core. You're getting the core. Just don't let it to cast. You got to drink it straight away. So, Akarot kind of puts his hands on Moon Shine and Bev and holds you guys at the back of the room up against the wall. Hard one.

You have this torch here in this dark room. I guess I cast some light across the room. Cool. You see that there is a dwarf tied up in a chair, hunched over. Hair covering his face in the middle of the room. I'm going to go over to I'm gonna go over to him. You go over to him, hunched over. He seems like he's knocked out or something.

I wanna cat, is there anything else in this room? Can I wave the torch around to the other walls? Empty room, it almost looks like a prison cell. Like it's all stone. Gotcha. All right, so I'm gonna rip back his hair. There's no face there. Suddenly Akarats face appears in the dwarf's face

and he goes, should've given me the dwarf and he stabs you in the ribs. Shit. You see like on his hand is like a ring of feather fall, the body that he used. Oh shit. The Akarot killed her. It was Akarot.

So hard one, you are stabbed in the ribs. Moonshine and Bev, you guys see this. No! Hard one! Hard one! I go into a race just from seeing that. Okay, this dude auto-crites because he's an assassin. Hard one, go ahead and give me a constitution

saving throw to see how much the poison hurts you. Okay. 23. 23. Okay, so you only take half of the poison damage. Okay, that's us. And batting bad. Still a lot of dice. So many dice. I hate bad noise. So you take 22 poison damage. Yau Kiuwa. And another 32 damage. Wow. 32 plus 22. 54. Yeah. So you're still up. Yeah, I'm still up. That's Yeah. So you're still up.

Yeah, I'm still up. That's good. Okay. Everybody roll initiative. All right. You guys see next to you is this other acarod body. You see he just has this void face, just this foggy black face. But he grabs a giant glaive from his back.

Okay. So we got two bags, right? So you guys got two bags. Two bags. I got two bots, right? You guys got two bots. Two bots. I had 22 for an issue. This bot got a 16. I get to reroll ones. You should call this the bot.

You should call this the buddacious battle. I rerolled my one and got a two. Two, okay. Shout out to the two crew. Some devastating two. Fuck you to the two crew. Hard one, I love you. Hard one, you go first.

I think I'm going to swing my axe at this little dwarf bastard that stabbed me. Go ahead, it will hurt me. 28 to hit that little bastard. That hits? Yeah. Murph is the face hole, is it like hollow when there's not a face on it? It is like foggy and black. It looks like the way the minions eyes look. This guy has a full foggy face.

And you see that it is not in complete control of its faculties when he's not controlling it. Yeah. As opposed to like the eyeless, as opposed to the eyeless guys who are kind of like, you know, very intelligent, who are kind of just like intelligent zombies who can like follow orders and speak into all of this,

this dude can't speak very low AI 13 damage for that guy 13 damage. Okay, take my second attack and I think I'll re-roll So I can try to hit him and I rolled a four again key Definitely dodges the second attack. I'll use my action my action surge to try to hit him one more time. I'm messing around. 21 hit. 21 hits.

You're not going to be able to kill us all. Give us the dwarf. 13 damage. And my second attack. Is a natural born one. So hard one is just bleeding out, so tempted to resurrect Gemma in that one moment. It's just swinging like a madman against this little dwarf

who's just like doing little rolls. Kills my girlfriend. I did not kill her. I did not put in the hit. It brought me no joy. We're basically officially inside of a bitch. That is moonshine's turn. So moonshine, you're in the back of the room next to

Akarat's armored body. All right, I'm going after that bod. OK. Does a 17 hit? 17 does not hit. Damn! All right, well, I'm still going to, I'm still going to Aelo Sporzen for 12.

OK. Does he take it? He does take it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Doesn't he enjoy it? I hawk a poisonous luge God is good to be oh that's gonna stay in the armor for sure

That is that guards turn he's going to Swing down on moonshine he takes three swings with his blade And he's going to he hits twice And he's going to he hits twice. Glaive a sword or a sword. What's he doing? Okay. He hits both times. He hits twice at a three times. He got 17.

Yes. Oh, that's a- He got a 21 and a 19. Impressive. Very good. People are good just like you guys are good. It's been a while since we had a real fight I guess. Yeah, you know, she's having me as to fight in teens, I guess.

She would have did to their leader. He does 22 damage to you. What kind of damage? Regular old slash and damage. Then do an eye only take half of them, right? You take half of them, right? Oh nice. Moon shine.

Moon shine. Are they stronger or less strong than a rustgack? A little stronger than a rustgack, you can believe it. Just this void-faced zombie weirdo swinging haphazardly into moonshine manages to slash twice. He got three attacks if you can believe it. And that is the assassin's turn. He's going to back up from Hard One. Hard One go ahead and make an opportunity attack.

Yes. Don't run for me, you little bitch. I crit on him. You crit. Yeah. Yeah, next one. How's it feel to get all the dice rolled on you? It doesn't feel good.

It feels great. Cut me down. 34. You like fully chop off one of his arms and just unfazed. He hops back and he throws a dagger at moonshine. Don't I get a second attack? No, it's just an opportunity attack. Bring it on, come on.

Because he's trying to get. You identify me. Get that sneak attack. As a strong opponent. 21 to hit, that's gonna hit. Got damn. You identify me as a strong opponent. 21 to hit, that's gonna hit. God damn. He only gets his assassinated ability of auto crit

on the surprise round, so this is just a normal sneak attack damage. Akira, I hate how much you love your dad. I love my dad, I just want to please him. Ah! Go ahead and give me a constitution. Go ahead and give me a constitution saving throw him a trend. 15. That's not weird though. Go ahead and give me a constitution saving throw I'm gonna try.

15. 15 does not do it. Alright. Oh wait, yes it does. Yay! 15 does it. Okay so you only take half of this poison damage. Yeah.

And a quarter. That's right, bitch. You think I don't know poison? I don't know poison. You don't take a quarter of it. You just take half. You don't get hit against poison. 13 poison damage. That ain't nothing.

And then 26 other damage, so 13 more damage. 13 more damage. 26 damage is all you're trying to do. He throws another dagger at Moonshine. Bring him on, come on. And he gets an 18 hit. That hits. Go ahead and make your constitutions.

I can throw. 13. OK, that fails. 29 poison damage. That's just straight damage. And then another 15 damage halft. So 7. Okay.

And that is Bev's turn. Alright, I'm going for the armor. Okay, go for it. Yeah, alright, I'm going to start with a divine smite. Cool. I guess I'll just do a normal attack. Watch out. This is one nasty lad She's nasty. I won him on my team. He will join me someday hard one 21 21 hits all right

So with this I'm going to do a divine smite for my first attack. Okay, go ahead. I Launched towards him trying like get in under the armor as best I can. Let me roll the damage. It's 11 for normal damage, and then, let's see. Oh, that's gonna be 3D8s. Shit. Because he's a fiend. He's a fiend. So 11 plus...

I'm a little fiend. Don't say like that. Little fiend. 16 plus 11. Okay, 27. Yeah. 27 damage. Yeah.

Sweet. Well done. And, 27. Yeah, 27 damage. Yeah. Sweet. And for my second attack, I'm assuming I'm moving close range now. Yeah, of course. I grab my amulet and I want to shove it inside the hole in his face and just hold it there for as long as I can. Oh my God. Okay, go ahead and give me a, give me a spell attack roll. Okay. That's 18 plus seven. That's gonna hit. Woo! Nice.

As I'm punching in, I say, loving your dad is kind of my thing. Ha ha ha ha ha. All right, I'm going to let you do divine smite damage on him here. So yeah, you shove the amulet into his face. It explodes in white light. Go ahead and do another 3D8 damage. And you see his connection to the body is like broken. This thing collapses.

Woo! So he's not able to control both at the same time right now. But do 3D8 damage. OK, Rich. Plus the just damage for the punch. Just or just time right now, but do 3D8's damage. Okay Rich. Plus the, just damage for the punch. Just, or just 3D8's. Just do 3D8. It's a free spell attack, basically.

You don't have to use a spell slot or anything, but yeah, that's awesome. 17 damage. 17 damage, dope. So you, yeah, you shove the amulet in the dude's face, explosion of white light. You see some kind of spell is broken and this body collapses Okay, if you would like to like use your turns to just hold this amulet in this dude's face. Hmm. I'll allow that

Okay, cool. That's my turn. I think I've got an idea for what to do next time. Okay sweet Hard one. That's your turn. I'm gonna attack the assassin. You don't want to do this. I create on him again Yeah, Jesus Christ. I do want wanna do this. I create on him again. Oh, yeah! Jesus Christ, you wanna do this. I think I do. I liked my girlfriend very much. 23 damage. Finish this assassin. Oh!

Hey, hey. Oh yeah. You know this one hurt me, and this won't bring her back, but I can bring her back. Or rather, I can help you bring her back. Oh, my God. Tell me who ordered the hit.

Why would I do that? Just clearly said. You're not in the order. I'll go, I'm gonna join the order. I'm gonna join the order right away as soon as you tell me who ordered it. Just kill this useless hollow. Ah, fine, I fucking.

Ah. Ah. Chop off his head and kick his dumb little face over to the guy with the void head and the ambulance. Oh, whoa! Hard one, very unseremoodyously beheads him and kicks the head. And you guys are out of combat right now. His head does not regenerate while Bev has thev has the amulet in his face.

Keep the amulet in his face. Let's go loot around his fucking office. It really tingles. Yeah, that's good call. Let's dig through his office. Okay, so you guys... I'll stay here, I guess. He's really heavy.

Yeah, should we try to help out the kid? Oh, should we kill? Okay, so yeah, yeah. Well, I, so we still have to kill his body. You do whatever you'd like. I just want to go to town on this body and just chop it up make make some a hollow body sashimi Let's turn this fucker to mince me Did someone order a tartar? Eric cat Negamaki

No, for real. We should eat this guy You guys carve up this body and he does not come back. Hey, hard one, what size armor are you? Extra, extra long. What size armor is this? It's just regular large. It's a regular extra large. Well, I mean, let's take this armor, right?

Yeah, it's just black plate mail. Is it better than what hard one's made? No, it's just regular plate mail. Ah, whatever then. I kick it. Hey, hard one, you wanna kick some armor? I'm going to go ahead and look at your amulet. Oh yeah go ahead and get some HP back. I'll take a glance at the amulet too. Take a glam and then can I prop up this armor and just sort of go out

like a punching bag. Yeah. I saw some anger issues. Yeah you guys just carve up this body. You didn't have anything special on the body, did he? Like any items or notes or anything like that? You do not find anything on the body. Okay. I do want to use my Mage Hand to grab the feather fall ring off the assassin though. Okay.

Oh hell yeah. Cool. Anyone want that? Yeah. I don't really need it. Hard one probably needs a more. I could use a pinky ring. Yeah. Wait, no, put it on your toe.

Oh, it's true. Like a true summer door. It's so sick. Embrace it. I love DMV. Wow, it's a perfect fit. Holy shit, it looks so good on your second toe. Into me.

Yeah. Now your left foot is always a little on your second toe. Into me. Yeah. Now your left foot is always a little above your right foot. Uh, good. I'm gonna also swipe some of this Elven wine. Well, yeah, you see good. You swipe some wine. Okay, y'all. There is some sort of demonic operation outside of here.

Yeah, Joris is still here and we did say that we would help catch it out as best we could. That is a good call. Oh, he was being initiated. He's probably in that room with all the hooded fuckers. Yeah. All right. We should have there, but first, can we do like a quick scan of this room

to see if there's anything worth taking any notes, any documents, especially maybe some robes so we can sell that way into the show. Robes anything possibly magical? Go ahead and make investigate checks. Ooh, I got a 18. Only two. And I got a shout out to the two crew.

Ah, wow, a lot of twos is so strong. You know, if you're not going to get a good one, you might as well go to shout out. Ooh, a lot of juicy two berries. know, if you're not gonna get a good one, you might as well gotta shout out. Ooh, let it juicy two berries, plucked it from the patch. Yeah. Moonshine, you find a small wardrobe with some robes. Is there a double XL in there? Yeah, oh, but it's for a dwarf.

Ha ha. It's for a dwarf, so it's really wide, but it's kind of like not tall. So Moonshine is able to find these robes and then Bev, you start looking through the book case and you're kind of flipped through some of these books. You start pulling out like some of these notes and stuff that are kind of stuffed in some of the binders and books. And the name Jim Abronsbeard sticks out to you.

And you see that there are notes and you see that it is written in kind of like broken common, like this is not this person's first language. I can't speak another language. It's a little, it looks like somebody was just taking notes, like watching somebody, because they're the names Gerard Coldain and Jim a bronze beard stick stick out to you. You see it says welcome party, Vineril. It also says Cold Iron Keep. Second floor, it has a little picture of like presumably like where Gemma was staying in the keep. And then you see under Gerard Coldain, you see hunt, you see like a little map of like a hunting lodge beyond

the walls and you see written winter wolves and arrow pointed at it. Guys I think that Gerard is with the winter wolf somewhere. He was supposed to be on a hunt but that means he's safe then, right? I scan the note to see if there's an indication that he's still alive. Everybody give me an insight check. Okay. 11. 18. 13.

Hard one. You don't know how to read. There's a map. There's a map. There's a little map. And Bev, Bev kind of reading the note to you. You realize that this was obviously some kind of spy following these people. So whether or not like Gemma's notes

are from when she was alive, you know nothing about what's going on with your art cold day. Listen, you don't take someone out on a hunt if you're planning on keeping them alive. As far as assassins will. So winter wolves. I don't, I don't know who to trust in this town anymore. The winter wolves might not be behind it,

but somebody's keeping track of their every move. Yeah, that's the time I'm thinking, yeah. He's got his dirty little fingers and everything. Yeah. I think chances aren't good, but we got to follow up on this when we're out of this citadel. Suddenly you guys hear a beast wailing. Do you hear that beast whaling?

You've always got initiated. Uh-oh, just auroring. Yeah, I pocket beast. I just could go towards the beast. Yeah. You guys just running or what are you guys doing? Yeah, let's run to the, let's. I guess, let's see.

Or do you want to put the robs on? Ah, put the robs on. Yeah, I think we can make a bee line for the beast sign. Cool, robs, you can put on pretty quick. So you guys throw these robs on ever so quickly. You guys open the door. You see that the two guard guys that were outside the door are gone now. You hear that there is now loud chanting coming from these double doors. Should we bust in? Yeah. Well, we're not the bus. We just walk in like... SORRY! SORRY! Let's go into this piece of crying and screaming.

Let's walk really fast. You guys first through the Double Doors Power Walking, and you see that this room is a cave essentially lined with candles. The ones on the floor are lined up to make a giant triangle with a circle in the middle, like the coin that you got there, like the coin that I got. And in the middle of this circle is a dwarf teenager in rags chained to posts sticking out of the ground surrounding him are a dozen eyeless acolytes in robes and these two guard guys at the door on either side of you. And approaching him is this disgusting swollen, bulbous beast

with dark, empty eyes that droop in long bags of loose skin from its eyelids. And you get the immediate sense that this is how these eyeless motherfuckers are made. And it is just crying and roaring these large oozing black tears as it begins to approach the unconscious lad on the floor. Hey I'd cry if I looked like that too. And that's where we'll end our session. Oh I want to play more. You evil bastard. Daddy let us play. Daddy. I can't believe you put a fucking amulet in the guy's fucking face. That was supposed to be such a hard fight. Some solid stuff.

Yes. I mean, I still got warmth. Uh-huh. You guys still might get warmth. Oh yeah. We're still getting a good stitch. Still plenty of room. We gotta fight this sleepy beast.

You gotta fight this. That was a Nazgul shit. Sticking that in, like, you know what I mean? I was really hoping it was gonna like permanently scar my hand or something like that. There's still hope for you to have a permanent scar leaving this room. I mean, I already have one.

I guess I'm trying to, you know, collect those two. I can't scar this. Scar's dead. Scar's dead. Oh boy. Save it for the short rest, everybody. Yeah, seriously.

Save it for the short rest. Okay, guys, thank you everyone for listening. You can head on over to the patreon.com slash nad pod. That's NADD, P-O-D. Don't see that. Sorry. To listen to our after show. I sang.

You sang. You sang a bitch. I sang, man. And then we got a bunch of fun stuff to plug. Guys, hot date. Me and Emily Sketch show is on Netflix. Oh, I saw Netflix, baby. Watch it, you'll enjoy it by our book.

It's called, Hey You Up, How to Turn Your Booty Call on Your Emergency Contacts, the typical relationship advice book. It's available on Amazon called, well, I guess, stuff to plug. Ooh, yeah, watch Cartoon Hell on Dropout. Yeah, we got a lot of stuff on Dropout. We also have Fantasy High, the D&D Play show

that me and Emily are a part of. Yeah. Jake's got Lonely and Horny with Jake and Amir. If you want a free trial, how do you do that, Jake? Sign up.dropout.tv slash nad pod. So easy. Just slam that into your Mozilla. Make sure they know we sent you.

And guys, we hit one of our Patreon stretch goals. We love you. We love you. We love you. Which which means next month we're gonna start doing an extra bonus episode every month Do we want to announce what it's gonna be with the first one? The first one is gonna be our our young Beverly Nandio DM. Oh my goodness shit Bebs gonna put on his DM cap and our mix bag of holding over on the Patreon is gonna be a session zero for that. I'm very excited to welcome you all to the land of Trinnovale.

Oh, Trinnovale. Oh, we have to come up with a new intro. Trinnovale. Trinnovale. It does need something else. Trinnovale. Yeah, totally Optimus Prime. Yeah.

Welcome to Trinnovale. Hey, save it for the mix bag. Yeah, you're right Prime. Yeah. Welcome to Trinibar! Save it for the mix bag for all of you. Yeah, you're right. Okay guys, follow us on Twitter at CHMurf's Me, at Jake Herwoods' Jake, at E-AXford is Emily, and at Call Thee is called well, and tweet about the show using hashtag NADBOD that's NADDPOD. We are, we are, youth of the nation, we are, we are, youth of a nation! We are we are! Youth of a nation! It's the end of the show everybody and that means we need to shout out our benevolent council of elders.

Oh Polar's children! Starting with Matthew M. the bullywug prince horrifying fact. Matthew actually sold his soul to Acarot, and that's how all bullywugs got their perfect teeth. Man, worth it. Brad, D, the only pebble pot that isn't Craven, once bravely took a nut tap from Denny and didn't retaliate because he knew Denny might literally die if he did.

J. Loma, 72, aka Steelbreaker, hard ones, Jim Spiration, wears an extra, extra, extra large t-shirt to hide his rippling muscles, one size larger than hard ones. So modest. Andrew A, aka Feldspar Li-Garden, the half-elf. Andrew is half-elf, half-cat. It's hard to tell at first because you assume Andrew's ears are just pointy because he's an elf, but then you get up close and you're like nope that dude It's a little furry. Taylor, Papa the 6th, a legendary bard to whom no item is in an instrument can play a blade of grass as if it were a flute. Or a rock like it were a drum. Or even a rock like it were a flute. Don't ask how it works. It just does and it sounds beautiful.

Dylan B is super weak wizard who wields 12 swords. Does a pretty freaking decent job wielding like 3 or 4 of them? Which begs the question, why so many swords? Dylan? Why so many swords? Simon W, the bootleg of Hard One Soft Loss, unlike Hard One Soft Loss, did take the deal with Akarot to resurrect his murdered ex, and now Simon is a cool ass hell night with a girlfriend.

Nice. Danny P. Bohumia's resident and artist painted hard one senior portrait at the door finish, took an extra 12 hours because hard one wanted Danny to paint out the hat hair that hard one got from his work helmet. He's very vain. Tom P. father of the realm,

serenader of sleeping babies, and disciplinarian to all mean teens across Bahumia. If chapel dwelling teens cause trouble in your neighborhood, Tom P will be there to slash one moon giant spot. Oh bro, it all's benzer, cask brew. Patreon elder of libations, ale maker to gods and heroes of Bahumia. Like once made a beer so strong, more than got tipsy and his friends had to steal his keys. Pedro E. Barred of the mountains likes to play a loot while shirtless and wearing a duster that blows in the wind.

Pedro gets very cold, but damn, it looks cool. Griffin S. D. A. K. The Stranger, the silver dragonborn eldritch knight and owner of the Badger's pint in in Tavern, since Griffin's falling out with the Badger. The Badger has sued him and Griffin has since counter-sued Papas taking the case to court, but the Badger's lawyers requested it be held outside of the creek to find a neutral ground. They're discussing the field as we speak.

We'll keep you updated as the story develops. That story's getting convoluted. Beardman, Dan, the longest beard in Bohumia, twice as long as hard ones, no not hard ones beard, hard ones body. Oh, that's how long beard. Scott D, an Iron Deep dwarf who actually trademarked the phrase, Summer Dwarf, and sells Sun Tan lotion with a picture of a dwarf being pants by a ram. Aaron C kicked Rodion's ass even worse than Bev did.

Not only did Aaron pop him in the nose, he also socked him in the stomach and slugged him in the chest. Nice. Hermes Dubya, the Bat King, update. Hermes has actually created a Bat Empire and is now a Bat Emperor with many kings working under him.

The Bat hierarchy is getting confusing. T. Alex, a Crick elf who's traveling with the other Cricks to Glade Home, T. Alex and Olcober doing stand-up in different towns along the way calling it the Crick Water Comedy Tour. Parker E is immune to arcane, try to once with a bunch of friends and just sat there being like, I don't feel anything while all their friends were winging out and exploding. RJW is nicknamed RJW down at the creek, hooked up with moonshine in the

timeout bag, or at least thinks it was moonshine. Might've been, might've been. Spartus, a thief who had their hands chopped off by the iron dwarves after stealing bread and frost wind. That's hands plural. It was two separate incidents, dude, just loves bread and does not learn a lesson. Adam Rust, real name, Adam Shini, but Adam's armor hasn't been buffed in a while could really use a trip to Renee. Oh, you gotta go to Renee, she did my wedding tux. Brent B. Tott Alonus magic, not wizard magic, though, the therapeutic magic of arts and crafts.

Sure the other members of the legendary party are either captured or deranged demigods, but Alonus is getting through it all by basket weaving. Cassandra MHP is a goblin that's so attractive they keep getting mistaken for a gnome. Hot, hot, hot. Danielle the Dastardly Dame Danielle is so dastardly she volunteered to be a void face hollow body just so Akira could help her stab more people so dastardly Hugh C aka Haldoor Frostback MVP of the Giant Wars Crude on the SS Stormborn and fought alongside Elias and Red the politics behind the giant

Wars have been kind of muddied over the years so Hugh just tries not to talk about politics when he's out at the tavern. You know that's a choice he can make. Man he the Monday and accidental deity who got in the way of a lichest spelt, reached divinity whenever you unload the dryer and there's very little lint in the filter? That's many, cleaning it out for you. Thank you, Mani.

Daniel Yu, aka Multifor, a druid who recently awakened his raccoon animal companion. Unfortunately, the raccoon was a huge fan of big bank theory and now just as Bazinga, like all the time. Wow. I mean, you hate to regret an awakening because it does cost you XP. Jordan DJ, a legendary DJ of the realm, DJed the Boy King, sweet 16,

at which the Boy King requested Hey Solsister 16 times. Jordan is such a good DJ that he managed to keep the party going. Jeffrey S, Lord of the Fjord, born of the sword and resident of Dorn. That's right, Jeffrey is a character in the Game of Thrones universe who also exists in Bohumia and we're going to get sued. Cutter W. Hi, Evdandy.

Turned Crick, Barcatect. Remodels stumps by setting them on fire and just kind of hoping they burn in a way that opens up the floor plan. Lex sketch a master escape artist who rarely gets to use their abilities because they're a really good person and rarely get arrested. Has been J walking like crazy in Frostwind and hoping for the best. John S.A.K.A. Schubert the mushroom has no idea that the Ella is wreaking havoc and glater around just above them and just imagines that all is friends, Beverly, Moonshine, and Hard One are up there living peacefully. Nobody tell them the truth.

Ryan M. A legendary coward, even Scoutmaster Denny has Ryan M's playing card on his nightstand table. Wow. Elena C. A paleontologist in Bohumia. There's no dinosaurs in Bohumia, but there's bones to suggest their once were. Wow Andrew M the calligrapher who coached Akarate is now iconic impeccable handwriting Andrew M is a brutal teacher who will wrap your knuckles with a quill. Oh, that sounds like it feels good though

Ricky, okay, check your Ricky of the crickie does slight of hand for the young, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, a kid, kid, aistic Kthulu, former crew member of the SS Stormborn called the Cannon Sniper. Word has it he can hit a hell-dolphin through the blow-hole from a mile away. Michael McD, head pick solider, said the blue mon in, even though Michael has invented some of Bohumi's most intricate cocktails, he still likes to unwind at home with a bud light. You gotta be sure to yourself. Victor T. Boundore's boy, whose loving dad was ripped from his family and transported to another world. Falls asleep every night.

Worrying that the allies are creeping closer and without the help of his brave father, the central powers will surely fall. Shasa! of his brave father, the central powers will surely fall. Shaza. Henry A has featherfall and often uses it to belly flop off of towers for his own amusement. Oh, that does sound fun. Lance W. Ackarad's penmanship teacher. Ooh, we got two. Really upset with the way his student turned out and pretty much every regard, but got

damn, he's a good grab. Justin I, the Iron Dwarf dog, yes, he is harrowing to look upon. Yes, he could tear your guts out through your anus, but damn he's a good scrap. Just an eye the iron dwarf dog yes he is harrowing to look upon yes he could tear your guts out through your anus but inside he's actually a big sweetheart who thinks he's a lap dog has crushed many laps because of this. Caleb is a warlock from New Jersey so you know a warlock he uses his powers to heat up gas station to kiddos on the garden state per week. I think I've met Caleb Clayton M. A Claymation Dalmatian,

currently battling inflammation. That's right, he has joint pain. Well, you know, when they make crossbreeds, Claymation and Dalmatian, you know, I can, TJ M. a hill giant bird that plays soul-crushing mandolin solos on a mandolin that's the size of a human upright base. And in his band, the upright base is pretty much as big as your house. The professional, the only lawyer to ever successfully beat Papa on litigation,

Papa later won an appeals court but the defeat still stung. Oh I like seeing Papa get the win at the end. Jacob C was the plaintiff in one of Papa's more successful lawsuits. He sued the Fox and the Thresh for making a hot dutty that burned his tongue and now lives a very comfortable life and doesn't even have any lasting tongue damage. Alaina Am, signed Ilsa's book in blood, and when he came to take her soul, she not tapped him and he cried. Nice.

Gone off, recently stumbled upon a bunch of dwarvens, eating rats and frost wind, and a gifim and idea. Gone off decided to open up his own rat truck, a food truck serving exclusively rodents. It's not a great idea. McPox, the code master who created our amazing website, Proud Owner of a King's Hammer, which could easily free Ulfgar, but McPox uses his hammer

exclusively to hang tasteful little gallery walls in his house. Ooh, Earl and Kathleen L, the frost-wind power couple that was invited to the Venerable Wedding Welcome Party weekend, and decided not to go because the Venerables quote unquote have no class. And they were right. The classless fucks let Gemma get murdered. You know it's easy to tell which one's J-Crow. Dylan M fights using no sword in two shields. It's a pretty badass look. He often uses two shields to make a sort of scissor-like contraption to to capitate his foes.

J-G talks a lot of Jive. He once killed a guy using entirely smacked-alk. Corbin A. A talking bird who's also a bard. Currently writing the world's first, a rock-ra, rock-op-ra, rock-a-ra. Atlas storm reaper, Atlas reaps storm so you don't have to head to their new brick-and-mortar storefront in Ezrean, treat yourself to some of their organic, hormone-free, lightning. Jostritch and ostrich, Jester, who holds the record for longest stint entertaining the boy king before getting beheaded. Luckily their skinny neck slipped out of the guillotine hole at the last minute and now

they're on the run. Jod speed, Jostritch, Jod speed. Jod speed indeed. Cameron McKee, a gold medal mud sletter from the field, currently trying to pull a cool runnings and compete in an upcoming Frostwin Bob sledding competition. Eel Drake, aka the Dreg or not, a Crick L famous for their oops, all drags wine that's literally just the sediment, it makes your teeth look nasty but it gets you fucked up. I would chew on some wine.

Cameron C. a Bohumian bug collector known for their massive collection of scarabs. Even Cameron doesn't know why. There are so many scarabs in this world, but they ain't complaining. PJW buys beer for the mean graveyard teens, also buys beer for the door friends, but only charges them half price. Truly a public service. Damn you are, a sorcerer who has dedicated their life to the dark pranking arts.

After years of study, they have finally mastered the art of black-grow-mancy, and can now make people puke on command. Quentin J. A demon who grew up in the same hell cold as sack as Akarat, they used to go fishing together in the lake of eternal sorrow. The bastard of Norvija, not actually a bastard, they just put that on their college application to Norvija State. They even wrote their essay about being born out of wedlock, honestly for someone that's

not a bastard, they're a pretty big bastard. Jeff of the North, one of the four elemental Jeffs. When all four Jeffs combined, they formed a big, a being of immense cosmic power known only as Jeffrey. Jeffrey. Joshua S owns a boutique clothing store that specializes in clothing for giants. Or at least they want to one day. As of now, they've spent the last five years making a single pair of jeans.

Dom R, a half-ling drill car driver, whose exploits have been chronicled in the popular stage play, the Vestidius and the Furry footage. Jeremy B tried to join the anti-paldans, but got kicked out because their contact lens lenses kept falling out of their eye sockets. Logan C commissioned a Thanos gauntlet from Morin and Oleg, it looks super dope, but Logan

couldn't afford to put in any magic gem, so currently it's just got a bunch of knuckle-mounted Google eyes. Babydack, a cute cuddly version of the Babadouk. Visit children who are feeling lonely or sad and then eat their souls. Jennifer V, a Naga assassin known as the Vicious V. Since Nagas are half snake, Jennifer's body is pretty much 90% core, which means their V isn't just vicious, it's downright deadly. Yum! Colin G. The God of all Collins. It is thanks to their generosity that the world has been

blessed with the heavenly radiance of Oscar award-winning British actor Colin Firth. Thank you, all Colin. Thank you. And finally Matt H, the only chosen night who Luna actually likes. Remember Luna, she was aware of what we met at the Cric. We haven't heard from her in a while, so I thought I'd give her a friend. I did forget about her. Excuse you.

Thank you guys so much for listening. You guys can go over to the Patreon and listen to the short rest. Now, thank you to all of our Patreon subscribers and thank you to all of our listeners. We will catch you guys next time. Bye bye. Bye, Sweeties! That was a hitgun podcast.