Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 39: Red-handed (The Frostwind Chapter)

Episode Date: November 8, 2018

The Band of Boobs install Joris as the new head of the Thieves Guild, then head to the tavern to find out what's become of PawPaw and Balnor. Moonshine summons a vine bartender, Beverly comes clean, and Hardwon gets a close shave. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music / Sound Effects Include:"Crackling Fire" by sagetyrtle at Freesound.org."Unknown Tome" by Emily Axford."A Tempting Offer" by Emily Axford."The Mithril's Run Dry" by Emily Axford. "Incriminated" by Emily Axford. "Mee Maw's Burden" by Emily Axford. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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get it fast with brush processing. Code P-A-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, Sweeties. Hey guys, a few announcements before we begin today. First off, we hit our Patreon stretch goals. So we're gonna be releasing an extra episode every month, the first of which will be DM'd by Caldwell for a bonus campaign designed by him. We're gonna be doing a video stream of that episode

over on the Patreon for all our patrons on this Sunday, November 11th at 1 p.m. Pacific time. If you are not a patron, the episode will be uploaded in audio form to the feed, so don't worry. If you wanna see the stream, join the Patreon. It's patreon.com slash nad pod and the video will be available during and after the stream for all our patrons.

Guys, the holidays are coming up. So our schedules are gonna be a little bit funky with travel and whatnot. We are not taking any weeks off, but we are going to be doing a few non-campaign episodes over the holidays. So here they are on Thanksgiving. We'll be releasing another hard side chat

where we'll be answering your questions and talking about the campaign thus far. On Thursday, December 20th, we're gonna be doing a crick miss special, which we'll see the band of boobs go on a crick miss adventure. And then on December 27th, we'll be releasing a year end episode where we're gonna share some mold wine

and talk about our favorite moments of the adventure so far and Discuss the year ahead, but that's a few weeks away for now. Let's get into today's episode Welcome to the campaign after the campaign this is not another D&D podcast Welcome back to Bahumia everyone. Bahumia. Bahumia. I'm your dungeon master Brian Murphy joined by Jake Herwetz. Hard one sure foot.

Emily Axford. Moon Shine Sabin. Collar O'Lightenon. Keeper of the Trident. Pretty fucking frightening. Oh, what? You grabbed your head and leaned back, were you trying to think of your poem for this week. Yeah, I had so much time.

And of course, called all Tanner. Beverly Togo all the fifth, looking to get hammered. Oh, okay. Or find a hammer, one or the other. Both. Yeah, I walked me down. What the heck not, right? It's been a long day.

Yeah, you guys should just get drunk. Nothing battle happened. So let's do a little recap. Last week, you guys faced off against the Harvester Beast who was attempting to perform a dark ritual on a dwarf and named a Joris. After a close battle with the beast and several of Akarats' acolytes, you rescued Joris, but the lads suffered

a devastating injury during the battle and lost one of his eyes. Beverly and moonshine performed an exorcism on him and prevented him from becoming one of Akarat's eyeless footmen, and you saw Akarat's eye retreat from Joris' empty eye sockets. You fashioned him an eye patch, and he filled you in on what info he knew. Joris was promised 1000 gold to the frost wind, Dwarf and Edge, provided he tracked Gerard Coldain and Gemma Bronzebeard as well as help Akarot infiltrate the wedding welcome party. During his time working with Akarot, Joris overheard the man who ordered the hit on Gemma

and Gerard, and you learn that Akarot did the hits in exchange for the Demi Plainar prison gemstones. You learned that when Gerard, aka the pale prince, was killed out on a hunt in the tundra he was wielding the King's hammer, which the man who ordered the hit was not happy about. You then searched the rest of the underground tunnels and found a bunch of acorots failed hollow bodies that acorot was able to inhabit to talk to you, but weren't powerful enough to attack you with. There, he informed you that the King's Hammer was in the possession of the Giants, and that they planned to use it to smash the Plainar Crack in the sky

above Mount Forge and bring chaos to the realm, and that's where you are now. So you guys are in this room full of graffiti, painted signs of acoroth all over the stone room with torches and candles lighting them, this triangle with a circle in the middle. You've chopped up a bunch of these failed hollow bodies, but there are still about three of them left, one of which Acarot is still inhabiting. Oh, he's still in there. And the great chaos to the realm, and then we'll bring order. Acarot, why don't you say you turn over some of these hollow bodies to us and we'll use them as hollow buddies.

That was a great pun. We love puns and hell. That makes sense. You should join me. Join me, sweet sister of hell, sweet lover of puns. I'm gonna finish off the hollow bodies, I think. Yeah, that's right.

Let's go to town. Can we take one of those salad choppers to them? You know when you get a bowl and it's like a curved blade. Like when you go to chop? Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, man, I missed the chopped and go later on. I have some salad tongs in the other room if you wanna just toss me around.

I think you would hate it. Hold on, wait, I love you. I do love order. I do love order, but it's after chaos, for chaos. I'm going to eat the seldon in order. Oh, gosh. Can I roll to Mortal Kombat style, reach into his chest and grab out his heart?

I'm not sure. Yeah, you pull out just this gray heart that is ever so slowly beating. Oh, really? ever so slowly beating. Oh, really? Ever so slowly. I definitely look over to hardwarned Bev because I look pretty cool right now. Yeah, I take a mental snapshot.

Yeah, thanks. Yeah, I could ever remember that because I'm gonna need pop outta here about it. I'm not a storage on my speaking stone. I'm gonna go with this. I'm worried he's enjoying this. Oh yeah, you have all those texts to Gemma. I'm worried he's enjoying this. Oh yeah, you have all those texts to Gemma. Because you won't delete your long history.

Oh yeah, and it's a Tuesday, so you don't get the weekend plan. Yeah, yeah, I was gonna publish it all into a scroll for her. I get the feeling that he's kind of enjoying this. Yeah, his face is still there as the veins and arteries are pulled. Oh, this hollow body. You know what? Maybe, okay, I shove it back in. Thank you.

Do a hasty patch up. Okay, I report sports, my friends. You're out of report sports for the day. It's been a long day. Oh, motherfucker. Whatever you're gonna do, just go for it. All right, I'll just say it. I'll just say to y'all I cover

Akra's eyes You see Joris just looks up at you with his one good eye. We could just leave the room Right, I know but I feel like us killing these hollow bodies is kind of getting them off So I'm like, what is the opposite of killing these hollow bodies? It's taking them out on the town Should we take an aquarot out of the town? Let's take an aquarot out of the town. That's a great idea. Let's take, oh wait, but it will,

aquarot will be in it, right? Can he, like, retreat from it? Can we just take one of the ones that doesn't have a space on it? Sure. Is it like a dead body? It looks like a dead body. Oh, it's not an animal.

He'll be able to get into it. Not all of his faces are animated. You know that from what you saw of him using the assassins body, from what you saw of him using the pallid in body, his face like appears in them. He can only do one at a time. So he's in this one that moonshine just ripped the heart out of. But I put it back in. All these things are like little spies for him. We shouldn't have one among us. Yeah, no. I just wanted to insult him in some way. And I thought promenading him about town might be a little bit.

If you can't insult me, a matured little boy. I want to be insulted. Fuck order. What? I start shuffling a deck of cards. Well, that's fine. It doesn't upset me. The ACEs, all four of the ACEs were in order. I was gonna do a magic trick. I like untuck my pockets.

Oh, stop. I'm taking out my mess up my hair. You're just doing this because you're gonna fix it, right? I open up my coats to reveal my traveling spice rack. Oh, I just, I just found an apple, bitter at all. This is terrible thing.

Or even, are- Let's see, we got turmeric, dill. Oh, you can't put turmeric next to deal Ginger wait that one's just Gorn good. I don't think that's a real spice. Yeah, pop-up all wrote him. Okay. That makes sense. Yeah, okay Trust a lump. What are these? I? Don't know some of them are exotic tastes from the creek and other than our nonsense. This one is just asked with seven S's Yeah, I'll seven S's. Yeah.

I'll have that one. Yeah. I'm gonna swing my accent and kill all these guys. Yeah. You go and methodically chop the heads off. Not methodically. There's no order to it. I do it randomly.

Oh, don't do it. I'm gonna go. I chop the heads off. These three hollow bodies. Can't hardly get a beat on this guy. It's tough because now if someone came down and saw this crime scene, they would think it was a crime of passion.

A little bit. And I don't feel any passion for Akira. No, that's true. He doesn't deserve my passion. I actually feel pretty passionately about killing him though. Oh, come. You're my girlfriend.

True, true, true. And we were basically official. Ha, ha, ha, ha. He's saying that. You see, Joris looks up at you guys, and he goes, are you planning on going off into the Tundra? I think first we need to check back up with our friend at the bar.

Yeah, I got this skanky little rodent. I got to make sure is in tip tap shape. Actually, I've been letting you say rodent. It's more soupy, old pats. I know, I know, on Must Beacon Stone. People on a Twitter told me all about it. That's a, the Cricks favorite social media ad. It's an actual order that swims up and down the Cricks.

Be like, why y'all? Why you ask if we're going to the Tundra? You got any advice for surviving out there? When I was tracking, pale prints, I had to find maps for winter wolves and stuff. And also this used to be thieves guilds, so they had all kinds of information. If we go back to Boss' office, I could probably find something for you.

Let's load up. Yeah. Let's get some maps. Yeah. So you guys walk down the hall and enter the office that Akarat was working in this warm room with a glowing brazier Joris rushes over to the bookshelf and begins yanking out books searching the papers that are stuffed inside Until finally he finds this aged brown paper that appears to be a map of the surrounding area of the city, displaying the winter wolves, towers, and hunting lodges out in the tundra. And he goes, so there is a wall around the city.

Wall is about 300 feet high, made of iron, and has lots of ice on it, very hard to climb. Not for me, but go on. If you can climb it, there's some magic way to get up there that might be a good way to get over it, get into Tundra. We're not so good at climbing, we're super good at falling.

Okay. Well, actually we are good at climbing. Mm. Even if we don't have any spell slots left. Tomorrow we're gonna be real good at climbing. Sounds great. You know any of other ways through the wall? Yes, you can also go through the wall.

There are tunnels, but those are guarded by garrisons with soldiers. Some of them are winter wolves, some are frost wind city troops. You can see which are which on the map and kind of points them out to you. Factions, cool. Yeah, thank you, Juris.

Yes. Are there any secret thief tunnels that could take us right there? Secret thief tunnels, we are in secret thief tunnels. Okay, where do the secret thief tunnels go? You've seen all of them. Okay. They were just carved out under a thief's killer. You know what, Juris, in 10 years,

we'll be back here and the thief tunnels will have expanded. They will be like a little subway tunnel. Are we going with that to plan? Am I going to be thief? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. We're putting a lot of faith in you. We're expecting a little bit.

It turns out Rosgac is a tiny little bitch. So you're a new leader. Rosgac is under the bitch. Yes. Okay. So you can either go through the wall through one of the garrisons or you can climb over wall

least man the garrison is Southeast corner of the city that is where Winterwolf trainees are there older trainees and young cadets that is because there are no That's where the puppies are that is where there are puppies there There are also but also the winter wolf. I mean the winter wolf brigade is going to be more reasonable to talk to than a frost wind. Yes, winter wolves. A main job is to hunt and to fight giants. They do not care about city politics so much. Great. You do not want to go talk to city guards because Iron Gollum's will,

where Iron Doors rather will come grab you. Right. Harder to negotiate with a robot, I would say. Yes. Sure. Sure. Real quick. Do y'all know anything about winter wolf training?

What's it called in fraternities when they're hazing? They do not haze people, but they train them. It's a called in fraternities when they're hazing. They do not haze people, but they train them. It's very impressive. It's not fraternity. They're leaders of women, they're very woke. They're hard ones these bootchains is holding a paddle. I do hear that the iron golems haze a lot. A lot of them die every year.

It's very draconian. The iron door is very fratty. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Should we head back to the tavern and check on our or marsupial friend? We gotta go see our dead friends, George. Pop, Pop-Op does like to be called a rodent by the way.

Okay. Pop-Op I asked that in perfect handwriting. Joris Robin Hood rules steal from the rich, give to the poor, protect the dwarf and we're gonna come back and check on you. Yeah, we want to come back and see the rich of this city absolutely bankrupted and the dwarf and edge killed it in gold. We will kill the boot liekers. No, we'll take it and don't kill the boot liekers. We will kill the bootlickers. No, we'll take it in. Okay, don't kill the bootlickers. We will kill all the windows, all of the cool Danes, every person would go to the cell.

No, just maintain balance. No, maintain balance. And pick back at it, not killing. Interesting. Okay, yeah. We're gonna come back and check on you, Doris. Okay, I would say mostly focus on creating like a metropolitan underground system of tunnels

That seems like a good use in tourists. You have a good heart You wanted to steal for your sister. You wanted to protect the doorfinage. We're giving you that opportunity You do it yourself. You don't have to work for the goddamn devil. If somebody has like a billion gold you could probably kill them Million gold leaves them Okay, I will not kill anyone unless they have a billion gold. Just saying it that way. No matter who they are, as long as if they were very, very rich, I'm allowed to kill them, I understand.

You might be right, Bev, actually. Any kind of, like, accumulation power. I shut them out the door ahead of me. I've been up close to it. It's not ethical. Yeah. Yeah, I've taken on team Bev for this one. Kill them.

Kill the bootleggers. You guys just quietly do them stuff. Kill the bed for this one. Kill them. Kill the book. You guys just quietly do them stuff kill the bootleakers kill them kill all of Inreth. You guys You guys We did good in there real quick. Fuck you. I love you. Fuck you. I love you. You guys walk back up through the crypt back to the first level of the crypt on them back up into the chapel and you see that when you walk back up through the crypt, back to the first level of the crypt, and then back up into the chapel.

And you see that when you walk back into the main room, only about half the kids are still there. You see the big bonfire is still going in the middle of the room. The pews are all broken, there are little purches and tree house-like structures up in the rafters. But you see that the kids aren't swinging around in there. Everyone's just kind of huddled around the fire, looking kind of concerned, and then they look up at you guys. And you guys also see Rodion, the kid who Bev kicked his ass, is now wearing the

bone armor that rustic was wearing. Oh, great, here we go. What's going on, you little shits. You see one of the other kids that's not Rodin goes up and goes George, what happened are you okay? Did you you were inducted to the boss take you and Joyce goes you fucking pill me man and he falls off his eye patch She's his big gaping old eagle whoa holy shit that is fucking hardcore You see the kids start to gather around a jurist, extremely impressed, to Rodion starts to look jealous. He goes, hey guys, I'm the fucking leader now.

Rodion says this. Rodion says this. Can I just push him really hard? Can I tabletop Rodion? Yeah, go ahead. Oh, can I kick a little pile of rat shit so when he gets tabletop to go face worse than you

Yeah, go ahead and roll I guess athletics checks to a tabletop rodeo and into some Oh, I got a Grat shit you quit Jesus Christ he rolled a three on his I don't know a 15 but plus my athletics which is four so seven you have all you plus my athletics, which is four, so seven. You have, all you, Ben is just the tabletop. So, I'm probably good.

Ben gets up behind Rodeon. Moonshot, you're putting a rat shit down. Just, no, no, no. You just carry a rat shit. Is that in your spice cabinet? I'm kicking it, I'm finding it in the closet. You're finding she has an uncanny ability to find rats or the first she is.

We know whether it's to feed or humiliate. We know that moonshine can easily find shit. I wanna do like a really nice like soccer kid. No, I just like right on like the inside of my moonshine crisp, crisp pass. Let me lay it out for you guys what happens. So all the kids are gathering around Joris like excited to have him back.

Rodeon is trying to get everyone to pay attention to him. Bev sneaks up behind him, gets in tabletop position. Hard one pushes him insanely fucking hard. He's fully airborne, flying through the air. Moonshine kicks a mound of shit. Some just like, shit head kid took a shit in the corner. Moonshine found a mound of shit kicks it Rhodian turns and yells at the exact moment that the shit is kicked at him and a bunch of shit goes in his mouth

And he starts hurling and all the kids start laughing at Rhodian. Oh, Rhodungian, more like. Nice. Very good. Nice. Look, you can. Cudian. All right, y'all. Joris is your leader now, and you're all a little pack of Robinhood thieves.

Yep, Joris is the new boss. We're going to come check on you no matter what anybody says. Don't kill the bootlickers. You're just robbing them. Joris. Just steal the fleas from their pants and use it to lie on the doorfinage. That's right. Will you gonna wear thieves now. Yeah

Oh, yeah, okay, your thieves guild y'all get to wear cool hats with feathers in them But you don't work for the devil you work for joris. Oh, actually I second what Bev said If we come back here and there is in a complex series of subway tunnels and you're not wearing feathers in your hat Then you fucked up. Somebody give me a persuasion check with advantage. That's all you need to make for moonshine. That's gonna be a 23 per bell. Okay, great, that was the one that needed to roll well. Yeah, okay.

So you guys see that these kids are fucking pumped at this idea. They all start jumping up and down. We're going to run this fucking town man. Where's the boss is? Did you kill the boss? How did he let you out of there without becoming one of his minions? I lick the blood off my hand. Oh Fucking so fucking hard to poor man. Yeah, dude. That's devil blood. I get down suck it. It's basically alcohol So sick. These kids all crowd around, and Joris goes,

all right, I am leader now. And we go to for us when Dwarf and Engine, we get other kids. And you see one of the kids goes, those kids at the Dwarf and then they're fucking lame. You see, Joris just bitch slaps it. And suddenly, you don't talk shit about the other Dwarf and

we're on the same side as whole, and everyone goes, okay, man, I'm fucking... I started, George. Chant. George. George. George. George.

George. I'm gonna lift it one-eyed bandit. One-eyed bandit, a very cool name. Yeah, it's kind of like a penis metaphor, too. It's like, it works on both levels. Oh, dude, these are very young kids. Yeah, you see, George like a penis metaphor too. It's like it works on both levels They're very young kids Here's the one-eyed snake oh One-eyed snake

The leaders should have a little bit of levity. I don't guys come on, please They're all chanting one-eyed snake and the idea why it's bad chanting one-eyed snake and the idea why it's bad. Joris is like 17, so he does. Guys, no, I'm not the one I, he is the one I'd snake. We love him. I'm flashing him a bad those up. Don't fucking kid, man. Okay, we're going to Dwarf and Inch.

We're going to get the other kids, thank you. And he looks at you hard one. He goes, I am sorry for part I played in killing your official girlfriend, even though she is a bootlicker. Hey, I played a part two, but our parts aren't over yet. He gives you the predator handshake. Yeah, dude.

Like the bootlickers would be like in the middle. True. The people at the very top wouldn't be looking anymore. She's just the boot, right? Yeah, there you go. Kill the boots. No, no. I grabbed Bev and I leave.

Fire man carrying Bev out the three. Hey, take. I'll send you some charts. Yeah, you guys, so you guys start to leave the chapel. You see that a bunch of the kids start grabbing their stuff and moving into the crypts, but there is a crew led by Joris that heads out in the same direction as you guys

heading towards the frost wind at Dwarf and Edge. Should we stop at the Dwarf and Edge? Or should we head right for the tavern? I trust it. I'm getting a little nervous about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So. It's funny to imagine Bound or being tortured

as we were shoving a kid piece of shit into a teenager's mouth. We've been in power. We don't understand, I just believe it would. It would. Balnor understands when you put something inside of something else. That's all he knows.

We turn that kid into a shit bag. Literally shit bag. All right guys, let's get to the tavern. Okay, are you guys going to the tavern? Yeah, but we're sneakingvern. Okay, so you guys are going to the tavern? Yeah, but we're sneaking there. Okay, so you guys exit frostbite. I'm hugging every corner of every... Zeta, Zeta, Zeta, Zeta,

Zeta, Jonsing across the board. I'm humping the shadows. So you guys sneak out of frostbite and you guys head back towards the more working middle-class area in the center city. back towards the more working middle class area in the center city. These are the bootlickers. These are the bootlickers.

Here we are. Yes, we were talking about the boots. Yes. So we're in bootlicker alley. The city is eerily quiet at night. The snow softens the sound. You just hear the quiet winter breeze. I'll say as you guys are walking through frostbite and stuff and leaving the chapel and heading back towards the fox and the thrush, you guys can take

like a short rest. Oh, can I do my zealous trance? Yes. Okay, I'll just it'll be casual. Okay, right, just kind of a walking trance. Just a walking tweak. Yeah, you guys get like a full short rest. And you guys arrive at the fox and the thrush.

You see the hanging tavern sign with a painted white fox and a bird with brown spots on its breast. It's this two story building. The curtains are closed on all the windows, including the big one out front on the first level. But you do see a little bit of glowing light behind it. On the first level?

On the first level. Okay. Should we go in through the front door? Can I try and hop up and peek in the window? That's not a bad idea. Sure, you do see that the curtains are closed on the other windows. On all the windows?

Yes. All right, let's just go listen at the door. Yeah. Yep. Okay. Yep. Okay, go ahead and give me a perception check. I always look at my, it's zero. 11. I got an eight, 17, 17.

Hard one, you hear some whispering, but you can't tell exactly what it is. I actually just realized I got a 19. Do I know now? You don't. Wait. This is, I know, I know the stink of my baby. Okay. I would like to sniff under the door

to see if my baby's in there. Just putting that nose fully under the door. Go ahead and give me a perception check. Oh, I must have a stuffed nose because I only got 12. It's cold out. Yeah. Oh, you do not smell pop off. Uh oh.

Should we burst down the store? Oh, I think so. Yeah, I'm freaking out of pop-bos in there. Well, it's a bar. We're just gonna go in like we're normal patrons. Cool. So you know what? Sorry, you guys should go in first

in case there's bronze beards there. Okay. As the hell. The bar is open, right? No, the bar is closed. It in case there's bronze beards there. Go through the hall as the hell. It's the bar is open, right? No, the bar is closed. It's like two or three in the morning. Okay. Well, we'll just say that we're going to our hotel. We have a room.

We have a room. Yeah. You guys have a key because you have your room key. Right. All right, let's go in. Bev uses the key, opens the door, moon shining Bev. As soon as you guys enter, you see two dwarven nights in plate mail with hammers at their sides

They are guarding the stairs going up the stairs They have bright red beards and wear the bronze taverns of the bronze beard family You see at the bar Sits another red bearded dwarf. This one is in a chain shirt with a dangling amulet. It's silver, a pendant of moradin. It's an anvil with a bit of fire coming off of it. He looks to be some kind of priest or cleric. And then at a table dimly lit by a candelabra is Jaina bronze beard. She's in full armor. Her hammer is out and sitting on a chair next to her. She's just palming the bottom of it, ready to grab it on a moment's notice.

And you see in the flickers of candlelight, these heavy bags under her eyes, like she's been crying, but she's just got this look of pure determination. And as soon as you enter, she goes, I recognize you from before, you sent the owl. Yes. Yeah. That was us.

Come sit down. Where are the pair that we left for you to meet? They're upstairs in their room. They're safe. Yes, they're safe. Oh Thank goodness. Thank Melora! Hard one, you see that one of these nights is about to close the door to the tavern. All right, I walk in. Hard one, you push past the bronze beard nights and you lock eyes with Jaina Bronzebeard. She lets out a little sigh and shakes her head like she was expecting you and she goes, hard one's sharp foot.

Sit down and convince me not to kill you. I walk over to the table and I go to my knee. I remove my goggles and my charisma hat. Oh, I don't blind. I say, Jaina, for the love that you know I had for your sister, you must know that I had nothing to do with this. And I want more than anything to help avenge her.

You can kill me if you want, just leave me alive long enough so I can kill whoever did that to her. You see she nods. She looks over at the other guys and she motions for them to close the door. So you guys all sit down at this table with her and she goes, I don't know why you would be here and why my sister would end up dead on the same night, but I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt.

So we're going to conduct a private investigation away from the iron doors and the cold dames and the iron inquisitors. This is just a bronze beard affair. The young bronze beards who I can trust my father doesn't know about this. I give them my axe. Jaina takes the axe and she places it on the table in front of her and she goes we worked out a deal with the owner of this establishment. We paid her well and she found different lodgings for the night. So, this whole place is ours. The beds aren't very jumpy. The beds are indeed quite stiff, but I don't exactly feel like jumping on a bed tonight.

You don't mind if I get popped down here. It's kind of an emotional support animal and it's been a hard day. He's a brilliant, brilliant creature. It's true. This is like the longest you've ever been without day. He's a brilliant brilliant creature. It's true This is like the longest you've ever been without him. I know and I feel naked Which usually I like that feeling but right now, I don't feel right when I came in before There was a possum and there was a man wearing a cloak a little halfling. It's Beverly's third. Beverly's third dead. That's our squad, okay.

He's gonna have to stay up in the room, but we can send you the possum down. That's fine with me. Okay, he's probably tired. She motions to the guards. One of them goes up, comes down, a couple minutes later with Papa, and Papa's like, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam,

I wish I'd have come, Nussel. And he jumps into moonshines overalls. Got a real sweaty for you in there. And she goes, you are already suspects. There are two running theories. One is that the Venerables had something to do with this. Svetlana and Rory V Venerable have already been brought in to the iron inquisitors for questioning.

And the other theory is that you all had something to do with this. They know that you're here, hard one. I know you were sneaking around, but they know that you're here. Crazy disguise. I turned them into a wall, but it was pretty odd. Is that how you did it?

Yeah. No, that's not how we did anything. That's how I got invited to the party. All right. We have a third theory, and it does involve the devil's son, but the devil's son did it. It's not a theory, it's a fact. That being said, the devil was working with someone.

Someone. Yes. It fits into the first theory. Second theory. It nestles nicely into the theory kind of like pop-ball into moonshine's breast. He's squeaking in there. All right. I mean like his body is squeaking against. I Was sloppy one time tonight and you see she looks down and I will not make mistakes again. We are going to be served.

Don't have truth us all you want. You see, she calls the Knights over and she goes search them. We willingly submit. Well, hold on. What do you have to hide? We don't have anything to hide. We just haven't gotten the chance to get to the fact that we have the murder weapon which led us to the minerals to begin with. Do you have the murder weapon? to the fact that we have the murder weapon which led us to the minerals to begin.

You have the murder weapon? Why do you have the murder weapon? Because I was there to find out. I was there when she was killed, Jaina. I knew you had something to do with this. You lured her out onto the balcony for what? Yeah, you know what? That's right. It's my fault. I take responsibility. I lured her out onto the balcony for what? Yeah, you know what, that's right. It's my fault. I take responsibility. I lure her out onto the balcony. I was with her when she was killed.

I didn't protect her, but I ain't killer. I just didn't stop the knife that did. So if you wanna hear the story, if you wanna hear how it all went down, then you just have to calm down and listen to us. Search them! And you see these two other nights come over and start going through your guys stuff.

I'm on the other side. I told them we have it. We're an ally, so search away. Yep. They grab your bag of holding, which we established on a text train that you guys had, because otherwise Balnor would have it and they would already have this stuff.

So, they take the bag of holding. There's Kirsta Smith or Armer in there. They pour it out onto the table. And there's just this hushed silence as Jane had just looked at it in total disbelief. There's the Kirsta Smith or Armer that ruined her family name, a Kirsta book of the Nine hells. One of the guards reaches

into your pocket bev and finds the coin of Akarat. They might not know what the symbol is exactly, but it looks a hell of a lot like the Sinavaz modius. They're also able to find a bunch of fucking teeth. They find teeth. They find a note about Gerard Col d'ane and Gemma Bronzebeard like someone following them. And she just looks at all of this and she goes, you have the, you're obsessed with my family. You have the cursed, mithril armor that doomed my great- great grandfather. I've had a weird summer, okay? It's like you've never seen a wedding gift before, God. Now that this was gonna be gifts, we're just sort of,

we're like kid detectives who are grown up. We're like brown comars, we're going around sort of just collecting evidence and trying to figure out what has got Bohumia turned all, all sorts of wrong. We are willing to separately, all three of us walk you through how we found each how we came upon each of these artifacts and you'll discover by separating us that we all have the same story and there will be consistency there and you will understand that we are not we even tails.

Go ahead and give me a persuasion check. Oh, okay, well, there goes that idea. Ten. Shout out to the ten, Den. Oh, good name for the room. Shout out to the ten. Nice. She goes, I let my guard down once tonight,

and I won't do it again. And she grabs her hammer and she goes, arrest them! Everyone roll initiative. Okay. 12, 22. Seven. Hard one. You know, Jaina, as someone who usually plays by the rules,

unlike Jema, she was never really rebellious and was definitely her father's favorite, but she was always willing to give people the benefit of the doubt. She always gave you the benefit of the doubt. But here here she is a woman possessed. She's looking at the evidence after what happened tonight She's trusting her eyes instead of her heart and she goes to grab her hammer and take a swing at you You see the two nights at the stairwell start charging at moonshine in Beverly and the priest by the bar runs to join Jaina hard one You are first

I'm gonna tackle Jaina. Okay, go ahead and make an athletics check. All right, I just wanna grapple her. Okay. 16. She got a 22. Oh, okay. You go into, she's like ripped.

She is an athlete. You go to tackle her. She gets real low and she kind of grabs you with like a wrestler stance and she goes, what are you doing? Fight me! Now for your life! I won't fight you! She swings her hammer down on you. This is your fault! You just need a hug. She misses swinging emotionally. She tries to steal her resolve and she hits on the second hits. Jesus. 23 damage.

Oh. She's good. And a third swing with the hammer. Just lets out this mighty dwarven roar. I deserve it. And rolls a one. She likes slips as you guys are kind of wrestling back and forth and she's trying to swing her hammer at you.

Hard on what's the deal? Are we fighting? Are we not fighting? That's Bev's turn. OK. I asked that question. If they're fighting you, you've got to fight them. Just don't kill them. OK. her hammer at you. Hard on what's the deal? Are we fighting? Are we not fighting? That's Bev's turn. Okay. I asked that question. If they're fighting you, you gotta fight them.

Just don't kill them. Okay. I'll yell that. Don't kill them. I'm gonna do some shield bashes and also going to use channel divinity to call little nature's wrath and try and capture someone. The way this works again is I use spectral vines to spring up and in snare creature within 10 feet.

Okay, sweet. Probably these nights are kind of coming out you guys. I'll go for one of the nights. They probably have worse stats. So they roll... Strength or decks. The roll strength. Why not decks?

He fails. Okay, cool. So you, as these nights go, my lady, we will defend you. They start running Beverly Shoots of Vines that explode from hard shine, then detach and connect to one of the knights, trapping him in a web of green. The other guy keeps charging though.

I try and trip the other guy. Okay. He does not trip. That is the priest's turn. He's going to run up and take a swing with his hammer at hard one. Yep. He only gets one swing and he misses. Oh, wait. Shit. As a bonus action, could I have used my spectral mage hand to try and trip him? Maybe. Try next time. Okay. That is Mootranston. All right.

Um, first off, I mean, you use my action to revert into my fungal form again. Let's get fun. Short rest imbued me not with rage, but with fungus. Um, and then ask my bonus action. I'm going to cast similar to Beverly, a fourth level grasping vine. Okay. And so I say, I hope we got a bunch of gold in that bag of holding because I'm about to cause some property damage and a vine sprouts from the earth and it, and I'll read it to you. You conjure a vine that

sprouts from the ground and an unoccupied space of your choice that you can see within range. When you cast this spell, you can direct the vine to lash out at a creature within 30 feet of it. You can see that creature must succeed on a dexterity saving throw or be pulled 20 feet directly toward the vine.

Until the spell ends, you can direct the vine to lash out at the same creature or another creature as a bonus action on each of your turns. Shit. And it lasts for a minute. Do it for the vine, bro. It does require concentration. Okay.

So I call for this vine and I say to, uh, Jaina. My name is Jaina. God damn. I'm sorry. From the crit. At the crit, you will be called Jaina. Eat vina's, Jaina. Eat Vina's Jaina? Yes, that's...

My sister was killed tonight. I know, I know and I want you to know that I'm... And you killed her. I am doing this, I did not kill her and I want you to know that I'm using a fourth level spell. Do you know the kind of damage I could do with a fourth level spell? And I'm not doing that. Instead, I am merely restraining you so that we can have some more time to talk. And then I lash out at her with a grasping vine.

It does not hurt her. Okay. But it will hopefully restrain her and get her off of hard one. She gets a 15? Fuck, that's 15. She bursts from the vine. She said, sad and strong.

I'm so sad and strong. Well, actually Dexter is not strong, but okay. She dodges the vines. I'm Dexterous and sad, sixthress. That is the night's turn. The one guy, I guess we'll charge forward and we'll swing his hammer at. I'm a fungus queen by the way.

You're a fungus queen. Uh, those swing their hammer at the fungus queen. Uh, he misses on his first attack. When he misses, when he misses on that first attack, I react with my- I mean with my regular spores atom. I got spores in for 12. So as this dude runs up to swing on you, you shoot boys into spores Adam and he goes,

ah, ah, foul monster, you killed our princess. See, Jaina, I don't really care about this shmuck. I'm looking out for you though. That is my cousin, I love him. Okay, well, I'm not sporesin and to kill if you know what I'm saying. He swings once and misses. He's gonna swing one more time and he misses again. Yeah. He has a good asus.

Hard one, that's back up. Or is it in my back pocket tonight? That's back up to you. I will, I can't swing on the, they're my people. I give Jaina my axe that I guess was on the table Jesus, do you toss it out or kill me if you think I would have done that to your sister if you can kill me Then then this whole entire thing is pointless But remember don't kill him just because you're angry only kill him if you really think he did it

You really think he did it? Our baby is really incriminating her. On, Janice turn. She takes your axe from you and drops her hammer and she kind of looks shocked for a second, but quickly hardens her expression. If you choose to die by your weapon and so be it. Jaina kicks the back of your knees so you collapse to all fours. She raises the axe over her head and lets out a mighty, dwarven roar. Hard one go ahead and give me a persuasion check with advantage. And roll well.

Hey Hard one, what the fuck, dude? I'll trust ya, I'll follow you hard one. 16. 16. Oh, to be a goddamn bard right now. I'm be able to wink at you. You need some bardic inspiration. Seriously. To be a true bard, I'm gonna roll insight on her. With some kind of advantage because she should be able to be smart enough to know. Hard on Surefoot. You've got your head down. The hair from your braid has come loose

and it just hangs in your face. Beverly and moonshine from across the room, you hear Jaina let out this horrible battle cry and she swings the axe down. And at the last second, she jerks it and bangs it into the floor of the tavern. You missed dumbass. Fuck you and she goes,

I love you. Ah. Ah. dumbass. Fuck you. And she goes, I love you. You see, Jaina looks rattled. She's kind of catching her breath and her eyes are wide. But then she shakes out of it and she turns to her men and she yells, stop! The men look confused, but they lower their weapons, kind of keeping a side eye on you while they turn to her to listen to her command. I release the vines.

I actually, I used a fourth level spell on this, so I'm gonna keep that vinyl around. Can I just have it start? Can I just go to the tap and start pouring drinks for us? Yeah, that looks gonna make this a popular bar from now on. It's just like an Audrey too. Yeah. So the vine makes everyone some drinks.

Does the vine know how to mix a drink? Some like egg white cocktails? Go ahead and roll in our connoisseur. Ooh, I love it when you make me roll. That's gonna be a three. Ha ha ha ha. The, it just starts cracking eggs all over the place. Oh, boy. It gives, the jane, it just doesn the place. Oh, it gives

Jaina and you learn no intervene let him learn This is honestly insanely impressive just that you have this command of the vine just this amount is very impressive This vine's father was a grapevine so you know Very good. I would laugh And so, you know, very good. I would laugh if my- It's the greatest vinyl ball time. You see she waves off the nights. I don't think they did it.

My lady, they have the murder weapon. And they sent me a messenger to share information. And you see she's kind of putting the pieces together. I mean, what other choice do they have? Go to the iron dwarves? I don't know why they came here and you see she kind of gives hard one the side eye and but then she looks back at her man and she goes, but I don't think they're murderers. You can go upstairs. I can take care of myself. I don't know why the fuck he has all of this shit, but they didn't do it. I had a weird summer. I already told you. He had a weird summer.

And you see those guys. Hey, what happens at the Jamboreen stays at the Jamboreen? For real, we've been on a Jamboreen for a while now. You see the other guys, For real, we've been on a jamboreen for a while now. You see the other guys, exchange looks, then grumble and head upstairs. And she just throws her hammer against the wall and she's holding back tears. And she goes, just tell me the truth. I trust you, hard one. Maybe that's stupid, but I think Gemma would have wanted me to. I loved her, and I failed her. I failed her as a knight of iron deep, and more importantly, I failed her as my sister.

I failed her too. And I think that's, I wanted to take it on on you. Trust me I'm taking that on myself too. Now why do you have the fucking armor that cursed my family, and what is this book, and what is this coin, and what is that around your neck? I have the vine pass me a beer. Just over the foamiest pour, the foamiest pour you've ever had. I think you're getting better, huh?

A lot ahead on this, Jaina. You take that. So we've poured each of us a beer. I take off the gem and I say meet Ulfgar true axe Why is Why is Ulfgar in a gem? We stolen from a guy that was trying to sell him to the devil I think yep and the devil's the devil's son wants Ulfgar, although what he wants to do with him

we're a little unclear. We don't know why he wants Ulfgar, but the reason the price for Ulfgar was gemless life. As well as the pale princess. So Gerard Codain is dead. Oh yeah, unless he's dead. That is what we were informed of. I mean, it's kind of a weener, so I can't really imagine. Gerard Codain is one of the greatest dwarven warriors, I shake my head, I'm shaking my head. I heard he's pretty weak.

From a reliable source. Yeah. Where would you, his well known, what the dwarfs said? I don't know what goes for the strong. I should be as good, is well known, what the dwarf said. I don't know what goes for the strong. A strong, I don't know what goes for war here, a strong name. I don't know what goes for war here, a strong name.

I don't know what goes for war here, a strong name. I don't know what goes for war here, a strong name. I don't know what goes for war here, a strong name. I don't know what goes for war here, a strong name. I don't know what goes for war here, a strong name. I don't know what goes for war here, a strong name. I don't know what goes for war here, a strong name. I don't know what goes for war here, a strong name.

I don't know what goes for war here, a strong name. I don't know what goes for war here, a strong name. I don't know what goes for war here, a strong name. I don't know what goes for war here, a strong name. I don't know what goes for war here, a strong name. I don't know what goes for war here, a strong name. I don't know what goes for war here, a strong name. I don't know what goes for war here, a strong name. I don't know what goes for war here, a strong name. I don't know what goes for war here, a strong name. I don't know what goes for war here, a strong name. I don't know what goes for war here, a strong name. Are you talking about his brother? Out. Who's his brother? His younger brother, Cyril. Oh, yeah.

He's the paler prince. He's kind of a leaner. The paler prince is kind of a leaner. I just sit around, I'm eating graphics scrolls all day. Yeah, he's kind of well about children. I didn't know anything about this paler prince. It's a notable. Doesn't that sound like someone that you wouldn't trust?

A younger brother looking up to his big, tough warrior brother always wishing to be more like him and yet stuck behind the scrolls physically limited. There's nothing wrong with graphics scrolls. It's a no for suit. But I mean, I don't know him. What do you think, Jenna? I don't know him very well at all. But my father wants me to get to know him because...

Oh, say no more. I got you. Yeah. Pains of royalty, we've already talked about it. My sister's body is still warm and we've already talked about that I may need to step up as it were. You're no princess. You're a naughty. I'm a naughty. Exactly. I'll be honest. I know no princess, you're not a warrior.

Exactly. I'll be honest. I know lady to be married off. I'll be honest, I've had a lot of proposals in my day. And I prefer to travel alone or with multiple companions. Now just one. Did you initiate some of your proposals? No.

All right. They all get initiated on me, I believe, although sometimes I use them as bargaining chips, but let's not burden John with the... We're in the woods again. All right, yeah. My name is Jane. My name is... I'm so sorry, it's a quick thing.

I hate to interrupt, but you'll try the... the leaves on this vine. They are spearmen and they are delicious. Grasping vine. You all come with your own us. Oh, okay. You said you know that the pale prince is dead. That's the information we're working with.

Yeah. That is what the son of the devil, we just had an awful encounter with the son of the devil and he informed us that the pale prince was successfully killed. However, we do not know whether or not to trust him. It was our first time meeting him and I can't get a read on if he's full of shit or not. Tell you what, Jaynut, let's start at the beginning. So I walk into the hungry trout.

Okay. So you go ahead and you tell her the whole story of the campaign. Okay, so that's how you got the cursed armor. So that's how you got the cursed book. So that's how you got the cursed book. Understood, understood, she looks in. She is the, would you pay five gold to learn a little more about the campaign?

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it for me, go team pants, and enjoy the show. So yeah, you guys go through, you explain the whole situation with Acarot and Joris and all of the things that you've observed in the city and suddenly your big bag of incriminating evidence now provides proof that you're not lying. She sees the notes that Joris kept while tracking Gemma and such. I just want to say something real quick. I know that you just lost your sister and you are processing a lot of stuff, but I want you to know that at some point.

This isn't going to mean anything to you right now, but maybe down the line it will, just know that she's not gone forever, she's just returned to the cycle. Do you know a way to bring her back? I mean, I can cast a spell on her that would sustain her for 10 days until we could find someone who could resurrect her. I cannot speak to that spell and if it is a satisfying thing, in fact, I would hesitate to use it, although this is an unnatural death, so. You see she grabs at the book of the Nine Hells

that you guys have on the table, and she pulls it towards her, and she goes, you're blood, your name, my power. What does this mean? No, no, no, nothing. You don't need to put your blood in a devil's book. We can take you to Mimaw. Jaina, we already explained this whole thing. Remember Maribel and the Crick and Old Cobb,

the vicious V? Yeah. Right. This isn't who you are. But if Maribel wanted to, she could have brought somebody back, I bet. OK, Jaina, you're jumping towards the devil. When, honestly, if you really want, I can

cast gentle repose on, if you have her body intact, I can cast, even if you have a piece of her body, I can cast gentle repose on her, will bring what remains of her to Mima. If that's what you need, there's no reason to make a bargain with the devil. There are better ways to do this. The only way we can avenge her is if we band together and fight. Speaking of which, what is this devil coin? Oh, didn't I tell you about that? No, bad.

Yeah, the devil's son gave that to me. What does it mean? Did he, were you selling Snickers bars or something? It feels like something you could have mentioned on the walk over here. I think we're doing a lot of work. Rest in, I was tweaking. Keepin' a lot of information from each others.

I'm telling you guys everything. You know what, can I, just like in the spirit of it, I want to pray to Polar, I don't have any spell slots up, but I wanna cast Zone of Truths or so we can get everything out in the open, have a real sweat lodge moment And pretend like I it was gased on me. It's like a religion check maybe yeah, go ahead and do a religion check It's gonna be

15 okay, okay if we're doing it then Y'all I don't know if Mayor Bell was my mom or if me was my mom. The devil tried to offer me a coin and he accepted it and I don't know what to do because it's a lot of power and I could have really cool wings like the y'all and I don't know I just I just worry a lot of times and I won't be strong enough to save you or early or my mom or my dad. They're gonna be lost forever, okay? Jerard Cole Danes the fucking man. Alright.

He's the fucking man. He's buff his hell. His beard's thick as shit. He's a better warrior than I'll ever be. Fuck. Akira's super cut, okay? He's super cut. I mean, what if my mom, what if my real mom's dead?

What does it mean if Maribel was my mom instead of of me mom join the dead mom's club? Is it possible that the devil is my dad? shit Anyway, I'm trying to how you do know Gina guys my name is jane. I'm first off Secondly, you've shared quite a bit with me, so I can tell you what I know. Actually, if the pale prince is dead,

then that, I think my father might be in danger. After Gemma was murdered, the king finally opened up to us. He'd been dodgy about the pale prince's whereabouts for days, but now he really fears for his son's life. Koldain told us that the prince has the king's hammer and that he, along with the rest of his hunting party, went missing near Mount Forge. My father quickly volunteered himself and a bunch of his best men and they went off with the leader of the winter wolves

and some of her rangers to try to track him down. Akira told us that the giants may have gotten their hands on the hammer and seek to, I believe it was, to bring chaos into the world by throwing it into that purple chasm. Yeah, they want to thwack the gash. I know there's a lot going on here. I'm so sorry. But yes, just if you remember one thing, remember thwack the gash. And forget everything I said about the radical day in the man.

And and Maribel possibly being my mom. Yeah. Not that you know any of them. I'm a virgin too. I feel like just while we're talking it out. Same. What? Sorry. Son of Struth still on me, I guess. You lose that shit quick at the crack. Based on this entire compelling campaign story that you just hold me. There was some kind of setup by this ackara character involving the giants than my father and the winter wolves could be walking into a trap. I got a question. I got two thoughts. I don't know why. I know that the

alla doesn't want y'all consorting with each other. Is there any possibility that the alla and her legion could be working against a conspiracy of y'all making each other stronger? But theala work with the forces of hell? Perhaps in a secret way. These are strange times. They really are. But I got another question for you.

We've got this cursed armor. Do you see that playing into anything in any way? Or do you want us to just keep it away from you? This armor belongs to my family, and I would like to take it. Okay, I mean, we don't have rapport scores, so I'll just power out loud. Sure.

That's fine with me. I'm all about returning relics to whence they came. Yeah, it's greasy with Bev. You can have it. I just want you to exercise a little bit of caution here. This armor in the wrong hands is very dangerous. That is a good point for half. You're proposing taking it into the belly of the beast.

This can be your armor, but I think we should find a safe place for it. Yeah, you're ready. I think a safe time too. I think that there's probably a grieving window in which you don't get to play with cursed armor. That's what I personally I'm not gonna show it to my father. It's a last resort, but I would like to have it

Mmm, I'm gonna have to insist All right after everything we just Yeah, you've trusted us on a lot of stuff Do we do we give it to her? I don't think so. I think that we I think we should wait I mean I want to return it to her? I don't think so. I think we should wait. I mean, I want to return it to them, but she's very erratic right now. She was trying to hand-cock that book just a second ago.

That's true. Jaina, you're a little too close to making deals with the devil. Trust to trust you with the cursed armor. Have a hit of Chino. Oh, let the vine get it. When do you guys give me a persuasion? Final. Somebody give me a persuasion check with advantage,

just one person. Oh, that's a one, but you have to re-roll those. Uh-huh. Okay, so I got a nine, but my persuasion is seven. Is that all right? Okay, yeah, 16. Yeah. She nods and she goes,

maybe it's not the best time for me to have access to cursed armor or cursed books. Can you put this back in the bag? Yeah, we're gonna put it in the kitchen. Yeah, but we'll give you a little luggage tag for the armor. How do I owe you? Yeah, that's as good as the armor.

Jane, I have one more question for you. This pendant that Ulfgars trapped in, there's more than one of them. Do you know who could possibly make something this powerful? Because that is the person we need to find because they're the one that was making deals. Are they at least are the person that has the connection to the person that was making the deals with the devil's son? Let me go ahead and do a little insight check for Jaina. Ooh, okay.

You see she examines the gem and she does kind of a double take. And she goes, I've only seen a prison gem one time. It was in my father's workshop. He was trying to make one. He thinks that all dwarves should know how to swing a hammer and how to command the earth. He said it would be a powerful weapon for defending iron deep. Any other times? Sure.

Yeah, just that once. Orgine one. I mean, that's real cool. Your dad's very talented, but he doesn't. But there's other people who can make these. Sure. Plenty of people. I put it back around.

There's one thing I've learned from watching the CW show Riverdale. It's that you always gotta suspect the father. I top off her beer. It's not for him. It's a fine beer. It's a fine cat. would be so good. It's a vine batter, you know. It's a vine. It's the vine. Foam pours everywhere. She's just looking forward.

The grasping vine has a picture of just pure foam. Drops it on the way over. It was, it could have been someone else. It could have been another GM answer. It was a long time ago. Do you feel like prancing into the, into the night trying to meet up with your dad? You could also rest for the night. I'm assuming y'all fucked up Balnor.

We didn't we didn't fuck up Balnor. Oh, thank God. He did. He approached me and he said, I have a room for us and I popped in one time in the eye because I thought he was a pervert. Little horde guy. He is. He is a pervert. He's understandable. But then he explained himself and we just took him up to the room.

He was up there with two more guards. Okay. Let's sleep on this. All right, because I'm sure there's plenty of explanations. Yeah, I wise need to get back to the cold iron keep and do you the Venerables are being questioned right now do you based on all of the things you've told me all the extremely compelling stories? I do not in the underground you think the Venerables may have had something to do with this I do not know that they had anything to do with it, but I do not think that they are allies.

They may not be the enemy, but they may also not be allies. Yeah, their toes are covered in the stink. Maybe not all the way in the bath. The toes. But they got stinky toes for sure. Stinky toes. That's a halfling expression.

Right. I guess what I'm saying is. Now I get a great expression too. I think there are a couple venerals that might be being tortured right now. That's cool. Oh. Should I try to stop that? Yeah, call that off, though. Call that off. I think there are a couple of minerals that might be being tortured right now. That's, should I try to stop that? Yeah, call that off though. Call that off.

It was, it was Acrobat to kill Gemma. We just need to find out who ordered the hit. But we believe that whoever ordered the hit may be more surprising than the minerals. She nods. But remember your sister's just returning to the cycle of life and death and you know, maybe she'll come back a flower. Also maybe your dad didn't do it.

Which would be crazy. Why? It doesn't even make sense. Why would my... It doesn't. It doesn't make any sense. Toads. You see, she looks at the armor for a long time.

Are you sure I can't take the armor tonight? Yeah. I think given everything we've established here. It's just a grieving thing. It's not anything about, it's gonna be yours, but you are grieving right now, and that's when temptations. You see she jumps for the armor. I don't know.

I was a grass-been-bind, grass-been-bind. I think grass-been-bind grass-been-bind. I'm cool, I'm cool, I'm cool. Classic Bilbo in the fellowship. Yeah. I'm sorry. I think that's fine, Grazor. I'm cool, I'm cool. I'm cool. Classic Bilbo in the fellowship. Yeah. I'm cool. Let's get you to bed. All right, I need to go back to the cold iron keep.

We had to sneak here separately and everything. The iron dwarves do have your ship. They are after you. So. They got our ship. They got your ship. They got your ship. Yeah, I mean, I guess it goes with the territory.

I would grab six hours of sleep at the most. That's it. Yeah, I could definitely focus. You do not want to be seen on the street. All right, they are looking for you. And you think we're safe here? Wait, hang on. Did you tell me everything that happened out on that balcony?

You just kind of said that you guys went to the party, that you were a dog, you, what happened when, why were you out of the balcony? Hopefully he was also a dog on the balcony. Oh, okay, that's my dad's sister. Right, what's he, he's a shit. Stop, you know what, I'm sorry. Harb, did you not tell her that you smooched her real hard? It was nothing. We just needed closure and...

Jesus. You frinched it big time. You were telling us. You're saying that you guys were basically official again. Yeah, very tasteful. Kiss. Goodbye. Chew to hell. Okay. That was a truth, baby.

If the iron dwarfs catch you and the iron inquisitors question you, they will find that out and you will die even if you are innocent of this crime. So for sure don't get caught. I'm gonna go to the cold iron keep and pretend that I was in my room the whole time. Should we go with you? No. Okay. You should not go anywhere near the castle. You wanna rendezvous in the morning, get some, uh, eggy sandies. I could, yeah. I could have some preps for you to know or something. Ha ha ha.

Where do you, how do we make sure that you're a sage? You know? This is a really dangerous time. I've got my men here. Everyone's on high alert. It was my job to protect Gemma and I failed. It's your new job to avenge Gemma.

Don't get yourself killed. Beautiful. All right. Well, be safe, y'all. You're a huge woman. You as well. You as well. She gives you guys a hench ache.

She looks at that armor. We'll keep it safe for you. We got a guy with a really good bag. I got some, I have like a little baggy of like freeze dried crawdettes, like astronaut food style. I'm like, hey, these always made me feel a little better. In these times, you just got to take the little pleasures.

She goes, I am a knight of iron deep. She gives you this whole talk while she slowly puts in her pocket. I am Jaina Bronzebeard, Avenger of Jema Bronzebeard, King's Guard of King, Grimthorne, McGannis. I do not dabble. Thank you. I think the vines are just pushing her out the door. Absolutely.

She's called the brad. Loud and clear. She calls down. She calls down her nights. You see the priest guy comes down Two of the other night guys come down and then two more of them come down. You hear Balnor go, oh Pete Ed. Don't leave guys. Come on. Oh Definitely thought he might be down I definitely thought he might be down. You see, Balnor pokes around the corner. He's still got like, guys, we didn't finish the hand. He was playing poker with them. Oh, he's definitely losing.

He definitely... Guys, that longs... All our money. Yeah, thank God we took the bag of all of our shit. Move over, we're going to sleep. He's definitely got like a pair and things that's really good. He's like, I've got a high pair. Oh no, that's a deck of many things, Belmer.

What are you doing? Oh, jeez, I'm back in the deck. I'm in the deck. It burns and you guys. So you see, Jaina and the Knights of her house, Leaf, they take off. And you guys are left in this in by yourselves. You guys have round of the place. Kind of cool. Nice. Downward goes, kind of cool, right?

Yo, hungry? Can we just fudge the rules and say that my up to a minute grasping vine is just still around cooking for us like a bad old vine? I feel like my my divine channeling is allowing it to exist longer. You know the line is making you guys terrible snacks. Just nachos, somebody broken chips. It's ants on an actual log. And Balanore goes, so you know, at first those guys were really scary. They came in and I said to Jaina, hey, I've got a room for us. She popped me in the face.

Of course. Yeah, we heard. Yeah, that's really purple. And then I said, hey, hey, I've got a room for us. She popped me in the face, of course. Yeah, we heard. Wow, yeah, that's really purple. And then I said, hey, no, I'm a friend. You can't do Bruce easy. Yeah, it's super, it's yellow already. Look at it. Then she dragged me up the stairs, and then some more nights came, and they said, we're not going to hurt you,

but you got to sit in this chair. And I get to talk to them with the other two guard guys that were up there with me. Good solid fill us. Salt to the earth huh? No, not to the earth. Yeah, there's anything interesting. You know they were excited about the wedding. They're bummed about their family member being killed. Sure.

On the standable zone. Match. Yeah, they good at poker. Fleeced me. Yeah. I did keep some of our money. Yeah, you know. How much money did we lose

100 platinum No, I'd actually brought I found out I brought with me in a secret pouch 10,000 gold kind of void and I lost all of it Do you mean silver dollars from from Fort Knox of course from the Ottoman Empire? Gases off into the distance. Are you from Austria of Valnor? Dionys when I say Prussian what is the media? So what happened? What? Well we met the devil's son. Cool yeah you guys you guys give Val or the host is Bound or in the zone of truth now. Yeah Guys I wasn't lied to you. I straight up don't know what's going on

Okay, I gotta be honest. I eat I eat to do to say which is at night I go into the freaking bag I know I was supposed to guard the bags, but I go in in the freaking bags and I'll open the chips and I'll put glue And I'll seal them back up pretend that that's just there's just not a lot of chips in the bag. Part of what makes you bingey is the shame of binge eating. Just tell us you're doing the eating and stop sealing up the bag. I don't know if you have chips. I have for one can hear him chewing throughout the night.

You guys also took very obvious. You wake up with so much tune on your hands. You're gained 15 pounds since we started our journey and we're walking a lot, Belmer. It's just usually my wife makes me watch my debt. It looks off into the distance. What diet? I think he has mercury poisoning from all the tuna.

Also fair. None of this may be factual at all. It's just a tuna loving man's dying dream. Alright y'all, so are we going to, first off, just going to throw it out there. I would love to fucking snuggle up with young pop-up and get my six. Yeah. But tomorrow, are we gonna traverse the wall? Are we gonna, should I be stocking spider climb? Yeah, we gotta go over the wall tomorrow. So let's get to Gerard and that hammer

before whoever ordered the hit does. Yeah. Okay, so that's our next mission. Get that hammer. We gotta get that hammer and probably keep this armor away from Jaina for the time being. Yeah, yeah. She's next mission, get that hammer. We gotta get that hammer and probably keep this armor away from Jaina for the time being. Yeah, yeah, she's self-destructive right now.

Understandable. Yeah. Unfortunately, I checked out the bed. It's just a regular sized bed. One regular bed. One regular bed. One regular bed. One regular bed.

One regular bed. One regular bed. Rachel is doing pop-up. I was doing pop-up, I am bell-na-s. You guys get up and you guys hop up Ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, That's exciting. Let's go ahead and roll in our con to check to see how early precious your teeth. Ooh, 17 babies. Oh, that means he's blossoming baby. Oh yeah. He does a pretty good job. Yeah. Bound or just not?

He's fucking like a quip level getting in there. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. The point. You see, Bound or it goes, huh, I'm not gonna want to have a midnight snack

after this. Jesus, I feel minty. I check his breath. It smells minty. Yowza. Minty tuna. All right, I slip into my train. Well, first off, I say, Papa, how was your night?

Hmm. Are you mad that I left you here? Or were you happy to be able to guard, bound, or make sure he was okay? Yeah, actually, Papa did some loyering. At first they tied the up, but he put the shoulder pads on. Oh, did he have to break out the shoulder pads? Yeah, he had to break out the shoulder pads. He really went to bat for me.

I give him, I know how heavy those shoulder pads are, so I give him a little paw massage. Right, right, right. Hey, the world is on the shoulder pads. Ha, ha, ha, ha. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the coin. Where? Where, where, where? Hey, the way the world about me being a virgin was like, I've never made love. I've definitely fucked, but I've never loved it. I've never loved it.

All right. I can absolutely understand that. Honestly, I'm probably a virgin then too. Sick, I'd tap you up. I definitely understand the distinction, but you can explain to me further tomorrow. I think that falls under the purview of your scout master duties.

And this is on perm. I roll over and don't fall asleep. You know, I dream of hell. He goes, I'll go to bed. You all dream of hell. I go into a slack job, Trance. Mojangles is just drooling while trancing. Do we, do we like, drift, do we like kind of like,

grays off of her trance when we're near her? Sure. Yeah, I like to think that my trance has an aura like Bev Stinky aura. Oh yeah. And Bev, when you go to bed, you do. I think it has a palliative aura. You do dream of hell.

You're suddenly in the middle of this lake of fire. I'm never saying a joke to you ever again, with acarox. You guys are on like pool tubes, like in the middle of a lake of fire. It's a river. Yeah, it's a lazy, lazy river in hell. And he goes,

this is what it could be like. You have a lot of dads, but you don't have an older brother. How freaking cool would it be? Would you let him have a superlake? Would you let me take the first controller when we play rune games? I am the first control. Ah, I Don't know no deal man showed them the coin

You shouldn't have showed them the coin boy. I Didn't have a choice They're my friends if I can't share that with them then What's the point of having friends at all? Maybe that's something you wouldn't understand. I don't think you have any friends. Oh Shit Maybe that's something you wouldn't understand. I don't think you have any friends. Oh shit! Oh shit! And then I'm in the dream now. And then I'm gonna shine, dancing into the dream.

Get her out of here. Get her out of here! He starts to like, wow, wow, his two lips. I use Dream Magic to turn my tube into a jet ski. Oh shit, you jet ski off. You don't have any friends, dude. You jet ski off the wave that your wave runner makes, knocks his tube over, and he's like, a freaking dingus.

I thought about it, man. His ass pops out from under his bathing suit. Revealing his tiny nub tail. I thought about that power, man, but there's better power. There's stronger power than you'll ever know. You don't know, dude, as you take off. As I'm doing donuts on my jetski, I say, you'll never know true friendship until you sleep

in a big bed with your friends. That's the true power! And I wake up super-eracked. I wake up to a letter from the green teens. Disbarring me from ever being a scout master. Yeah, bound our wakes up. Okay, not one big bed. I'm gonna go sleep in the chair.

It's four in the morning. You're like, what's over it? Fall asleep in a rocking chair. Classic dad. Only a dad can sleep in a chair. Wow, that's very impressive. He falls asleep instantly. That's how I know all my spells, lots of recharged.

You guys sleep through the night. Okay, I trans. You trans, you trans to the night. You guys went to bed pretty late. So hard one in Beverly need to sleep for like six hours so they can't get up until like nine a.m. ish. But moonshine, you only need to transfer like four hours. So at around seven a.m. moonshine,

you hear a knock at the door downstairs, like a loud banging. All right, I'm gonna do the whole thing where you open it, but still locked. Okay. moonshine goes downstairs. A peek out. You open the door, you peek out. So is this delivery someone order post-sign? You see it is.

Jaina Bronzebeard looking like she has not slept. She usually has like rosy cheeks, but she looks like pale. And her eyes are like kind of sunken in. And she goes, let me in, I need to talk to you. I don't want the orange or something to see me. Can I do an inside check to see me if she's like offer rocker or 14? 14, okay. She definitely seems distressed, but she's like,

She's not. I want to talk to you about your Mima. Oh, yeah, come on in. Okay, Jaina walks in and she goes, That was a tactic, it was a good one because it definitely disbarred my defenses. You opened the Okay, Jaina walks in and she goes, That was a tactic, it was a good one because it definitely disbarred my defenses. You opened the door and Jaina goes in and she goes, you said, your Mima could help Jaina.

I believe she could. She knows a powerful spell called reincarnate. However, I do believe it may be a spell that is less satisfying than it sounds. I believe it may bring her back in a different form. I just want my sister back. Where is your Mima? She's currently in Glade Home. Okay. I will send a message to her. I will send an animal to her, telling her

that y'all have my blessing. But I do want you to know, I do want you to talk to her. She's a very wise person and she will help you decide if this is the right decision. I will give you everything you need and I'm gonna trust that you're gonna take the decision seriously. I lost everything last night.

I understand. And I need to bring her back. And I asked around, I went to the church, the first thing in the morning. There are no priests or clerics in this town that can help. I don't wanna have to turn to the nine hells. I don't wanna have to turn to some... I don want to have to turn to the nine hells. I don't want to have to turn to some-

I don't want you to turn to the nine hells, which is why I want to give you every tool you need. However, you need to ask yourself, will you still love her if she is like a hairy knoll? I don't care. Okay, do you think that she would- Do you think that she would be happy to be brought back as a hairy knoll? We can ask her when she comes back.

Okay, okay. Then you bring me your body. I will cast gentle repose on it. That will give you 10 days to get to glade home. How much everybody does she need? It would be very hard for me to steal the whole body, but I did visit her. I think all of you. I got this. You see, she pulls out just like a handful of hair.

Huh. You know, that's gonna be enough. I need to get there quickly. By ship, it's gonna take me a long time. You need the airship. I'm gonna need to borrow your ship. And that's where we'll end our session. Oh! I'm glad you're ending it now,

because now I can talk to Jake Off-Mike and be like, is it cool if I end out your airship? That's my dad's ship! The kill me! And I do this dead, whatever! I walk downstairs and I'm like, oh, Balmour's hogging the bathroom. Whoa, what's going on?

Still full, Boenner. Hahaha. Would you really shouldn't be sleeping next to me with? Oh my goodness. I face East, don't worry. Okay, good. Will, can I cast gentle repose on a piece of human? She's only been, she has, if she has the...

No, I would need a full, oh, you must touch a corpse or other remains. So I could just touch those remains. And what does that do? It basically means that it protects it from decay or becoming undead for the next 10 days. That's cool. Reincarnate works for 10 days anyway. Okay.

How does reincarnate work? Is it like, it brings you back? This is great fodder for the short rest. Oh, sure. Yes, we'll talk about it more on the website. Let's say the villager read head on over to patreon.com slash nad pod that's n-a-d-d-p-o-d don't sing yet That was good

Guys we have things to plug watch hot date on Netflix. That's me and Emily sketch show Bye our dick hey you up how to turn your booty call and turn emergency contact. It's on Amazon, non-audible. Call it well, what do you get to plug? Two things this week. I was on another podcast. I was a guest on a show.

What the fuck? That's right, as a guest, this is getting edited out. I'm so sorry. No, I plugged our show. They are also fans of our show. No great. I was proselytizing. I'm so sorry. No, I plugged our show. They are also fans of our show. No great. I was proselytizing. Let me correct myself.

It's called, is this adulting? It's a mental health podcast. Oh, that's cool. That's a lot more noble than our show actually. It was. I'm a saint. And you should all respect me more. That's not an inner podcast, too.

I did. I scream about the respect that I need and crave at any opportunity I'm given. Also, we have two new items in our merch store. Oh God, they're so cool. Yeah, we have a Moonstone Jamboreen t-shirt designed by Toth and Tinkle himself. Oh my God.

Can we get it, Asa? Can we get it as a bag? The Moonstone shirt? But the Moonstone design. Yeah. That does Shopify do that kind of stuff? Yeah, we can make that into a bag. Fuck, I want it as a bag.

If you want it as a bag, let us know. We'll make it as a bag. We can take a toast. Speaking of totes, we also have the Bound World. This is a better toad. Number two, Dad Toad. Yeah. Featuring some art of everyone's favorite dad, right up on there.

We can totify everything though. We have a heart. I think it's just a little toggle thing. Let's make that website. We can totify it all. You go to totify.com slash balmore. I think it's at all the stuff's at naddpod.com. It's at shop.naddpod.com.

There you get. There's a link to the shop on the naddpod. And we're going to have New Merch coming pretty much every month for a while if all goes as planned. Oh, we have so much cool jet people. Watch the store. Oh heck yeah. Don't be a Balnor, watch the store.

Ooh. I don't know why it was mean to Balnor, how apologize it dropped. We've got a bunch of stuff on dropout college, humorous streaming service, Emily and I are on fantasy high, a D.E.E. play show. Fagan Rizz. Fagan Rizz. Caldwell's got Cartoon Hell with Nathan Yaffee, on Dropout College humorous streaming service, Emily and I are on Fantasy High, Dini Play Show, called those. Fagan Rizz.

Fagan Rizz, called those got cartoon hell with Nathan Yaffe, our very own Toth and Tinkle, and then we've got Lonely and Horny. Season two premiered two day, which is two days. Which is two days on my day. The Jake this week, someone else. Yeah. And you posted a weird picture of you and a mirror on a motorcycle. Yeah, we did like a photo shoot and that was like one of, it's such a long story.

There's no reason for me to be in that photo. But we're like, the light was too good. It was really funny. So we're like, all right, we're gonna take this dumb photo of our motorcycle. You look like a colonad. And Amir does not, and it is incongruous. It's very incongruous.

And guys, follow us on Twitter, at CHMERS. Oh, wait, I have to take the plug. Oh, sorry. What do you think it's like? Whoa. This is rare. is incongruous. It's very incongruous. And guys, follow us on Twitter, at CH Mercer. Oh, wait, yeah. Oh, sorry. What are you thinking about? What? This is rare. Bump these up earlier.

Bump these up earlier. Put this up right in the middle of the Jaina fight. Yeah. Yeah. One, my lovely sister-in-law, it's her birthday. So I just want to say happy birthday, because she is a huge fan of the show. Happy birthday.

Does not listen to the show. I hope that she gets all the scoopings. I hope her sister doesn't get assassinated. Wow. Jesus Christ. Two lovely wishes. One forgetting lots of scoopings and the other one for not having someone you love dying.

That's my fucking wife. They're talking to the show. Yes. And also, my sisters and I launched a straight up product. We are making a beard oil. So if you have a beard that you want to be as luscious as hard ones, you can get it at brothercisterco.com. I have a question.

Yes. So I have very curly frizzy hair. Would beard grooming tincture work on my hair? Yes, it would. And my sister actually told me that people that don't grow beards I heard grooming, tincture work on my hair. Yes, it would. And my sister actually told me that people that don't grow beards use it in their pubic hair. I mean it like makes them tangly natty hair and it just makes it kind of luscious and rich,

nice and smooth. All right, I'm going to have to get some in. I'll put it on my face. It's great. On my beard like head. You should try it. I'll give you on my face. It's great. It's great. It's great. I'm my beard like head.

You should try it. I'll give you a bottle. BrotherSisterCo.com, that's it. Bye. Awesome. I can't grow beard, but it might work. Really? Yeah.

Wait, will it make me grow beard? Yeah, the best time to use it is before you grow beard. I just can't absorb it. You're skin absorbed and it makes your follicles nice and, uh, I don't know, my sister knows all this stuff. Oh, wait, I should say that both of my sisters do this. Rachel, Ancero, shout out to them. Isn't it like a holistic thing too, or isn't it like a kind of like a hippie thing?

Like it's like all natural and stuff? Yeah, it's like argon oil, coconut oil, and jojoba oil or something like that. Ho, ho, Bob, but yeah. Those are good oils. Ho, Bob? I think so. Wow, damn, but yeah, I'll show you.

That's how I've heard it. It's very holistic. If it can make my, I think you guys. damn, but yeah, I'll show you it's very holistic if it can make I The Irish face grow beard hard one automatically gets bumped to level 20 Cool thanks everybody for listening you follow us on Twitter at CH Murphy's me at Colt He is called well at the expert is EmilyJayKherWits is Jake, and Tweet about the show using hashtag NADPOD that's NADDPOD. Now we can say...

We are we are... Youth of the nation, we are we are... Youth of the nation... It's the end of the show, everybody, and that means we need to shout out our benevolent council of elders. It's just me this week, your dungeon daddy, Brian Murphy, and I am bringing that DJ energy, starting with Matthew M. The bullywug, Prince. Fun fact, Matthew is actually a Crick bullywug, and a Prince is just someone who uses toilet

paper down at the crick. Brad D, the only pebble pot that isn't Craven, the only sport Brad D can't beat his family at his track and field since they are so adept at running away. Jay Loma, 72, aka Steel Breaker, hard ones, gym inspiration. Steel Breaker's neck muscles are so thick that even Jayna Bronzebeard couldn't cut off his head, should she really want to. Andrew A, aka, Feldsbar Ligarden, the half-elf. Andrew is actually the product of two half-elves, so instead of some super romantic and tragic tale

of a human falling in love with an elephant being ostracized, he just has two super well-adjusted parents who understand what he's going through. Taylor pop on the sixth, a legendary bar to whom no item isn't an instrument except the loot, weirdly enough, never learned the loot. Dillon B is Super Week Wizard who wields 12 swords, accidentally invented blade singing, the act of whirling your sword so fast that it makes a DJ scratching noise, wiki wiki waw, indeed. Danny P, Bahumi is resident artist, painted hard one senior, bordered at the dwarf image.

Hard one asked if Danny ran out of paint trying to paint his quads and Danny lied and said yes because it's a good person who can tell when someone's going through something. Tom Pee, father of the realm, the serenader of sleeping babies, Tom Pee used to make house calls to the frost wind dwarf image, and now we'll have to do it for the new and improved thieves guild that does not murder. Spencer Casquebrew, patronel door of libations, ale maker to gods and heroes of Bahumia alike, Spencer carries wine so vintage, old Cobb would say it's old as shit brother. Pedro E, Bart of the Mountains, also Bart of the Sea, and Bart of your local Applebees

on the last Friday of every month. Griffin SD, aka the stranger, the silver dragonborn eldritch knight and owner of the Badger's Pint in Intavirn update on the Badger V Stranger case. The Badger was found murdered in his burrow, whether or not the stranger had anything to do with it is yet to be determined, but Pop-Paw is on the case. Beard Band-An, the longest beard in Bohumian,

also the most luscious. Pop-Paw can scramble around in there without getting caught because there's so few knots in there. Scott D is a caterer who works for court and began making some sliders for hard ones arrival when his head was almost chopped off this week. They're currently in the freezer. Aaron C. Imagical Bard who just assumes he's a really good musician.

Unbeknownst to Aaron is music is terrible, but in chance everyone around him nobody tell him his life rules. Hermes W. The Bat King was recently murdered by a young Bat You Surfer, but was then raised from the dead John Snow Style. Hermes tried to hang the Bat Trader, but the Bat just flitted its wings, so Hermes had to bite it to death. T. Alex, one of the greatest wrestlers in all of Bohemia and thus one of the greatest lawyers down at the Crick.

Parker E. Papa's dad just straight up a possum that had sex with Ma Ma. RJW, one of 3,000 RJs down at the Crick, hence RJ having to go by RJW. Spartus, a hill home half-laying who runs the local paintbo range. Beverly had his 14th birthday there, he realized soon after that he was deathly allergic to latex paint. Atom are, the R-rated assassin, they pursue their targets totally nude, and once the job's done, they leave their victim posed in a very sexually explicit manner, and they say, fuck a bunch. Cassandra MHP has so much HP, they sometimes grab their sword from the wrong side, and don't notice until their enemies point it out.

Danielle, the dastardly damed, Danielle is so dastardly they once posted spoilers for an episode of NAD pod two minutes after it posted. Hugh C, aka, Haldor Frostback, MVP of the Giant Wars, crewed on the SS Stormborn and fought alongside Elias and Red, even though they've got a super tough hide, Haldor still doesn't wear shorts in the winter, because they know it's a bad look. Mani the mundane, accidental deity who got in the way of a lichest spell

to reach divinity, when you fall asleep in class, and your teacher doesn't notice even after you start drooling on your notes, that's mani making sure you get the extra winks you need. Daniel Yu, aka Multifor, the many face magician, Multifor can't be snuck up on, but also can't use facial recognition on their new iPhone, but thatifor, the many face magician, Multifor can't be snuck up on, but also can't use facial recognition on their new iPhone.

But that's life, you know. Jordan DJ, legendary DJ of the round, their base drops are so powerful, you need to pass a DC-25 constitution to avoid getting permanently turned. Jeffrey S, Lord of the Fjord, born of the sword, and chairman of the board, congrats in the promotion, Jeff, it's gonna be a kick-ass quarter now that you're in charge. Cutter W a high-elf dandy turned Crick a bark attack since everyone left the Crick, Cutter has started selling time shares to to chosen soldiers looking to let off some steam and flog each other in atonement for their sins. Lex sketched the escape artist can escape an extra plain-hour gem prison with ease all you have

to do is pop your shoulder out of a socket, then transform your soul into a microscopic mesh, a pure determination capable of transcending any arcane barrier, kid stuff. John S. aka, shupered the mushroom after months of nagging from fulgin, John finally decided to move out of crag water, they found a nice little rotting corpse right near the glater on glade, so stop by if you're ever in the area. Ryan M. Theol is younger sibling, Ryan's not sure they agree with her approach on everything, but she did get them a job as the Mayor of Ezre, so they aren't complaining.

Elena C. A Frostwin giant who runs a massive petting zoo. They haven't had any ice-drake-related deaths in over two months. Androm, a crick-meat vendor who sells salted rattlesnake jerky called Slim M's. Sometimes the snake's still alive, but that's just part of the fun. Ricky, aka, tricky Ricky of the Cricky recently drank and expired arcane energy drink and became a being of pure energy they now go by. Richard the Lichard. Michael McD, head mixologist at the Blumanna Inn.

Also an amateur mime who performs comedy asologist at the Blumana Inn, also an amateur mime who performs comedy as part of the Blumana group. Victor T. Boundersboy, whose loving dad was ripped from his family and transported to another world, he later wrote a best-selling novel about the adventure he imagined his father went on called The Boss of the Bags, or there in Dad again, a Halflings tale. Henry A. A philanthropist who started a big brother big sister type program called Hollow Buddies, where Hollow Body spent the afternoon with dwarvens. Lance W, a team dwarf who actually has parents, but has been marauding as a dwarven to get

street cred with the teens that hang out at the cemetery. Sometimes pretends to be going off to brood, but really they just have a family dinner they can't be late for. Just an eye, hot off the success of Faye Chela, just an eye is spearheading the newest festival to hit the Faye Wild, South by South Faye. Caleb is a super loyal warlock whose packed steam and got ousted by a bigger batty, but Caleb remains in their service anyways, even though they have no powers now. Clayton M, a Claymation Dalmatian, well if we're being honest, Clayton M is a mudmation Dalmatian, well, if we're being on, Clayton M is a mudmation

Dalmatian, which is a stop motion animation from the crick. TJM, Acherotch, Childhood Best Friend, who got a girlfriend and just kind of stopped hanging out. Maybe things would be different if they'd just stuck around. The professional, the only lawyer to have successfully beat Pop-On litigation won their client a healthy settlement for a hot coffee spill at the Dorgers Big Borgers Drive-Thru. Jacob C. The water elementals real child is super pissed that moonshine keeps calling

their parent mom. Alaina M. A barbarian who is so reckless they took a level of cleric because the half damage just wasn't enough. Gone off. Both the most luscious crick-nots in all of Bohumia and surprise they're a high off who's just trying to piss off their parents. Mick Pucks, the code master who created our amazing website, also built Akarot's website back when he was trying to be a DJ.

The website was amazing, but even that couldn't save the fact that Akarot couldn't spin for shit. Earl and Kathleen L, the dwarven couple whose engagement rings have a stone from minerals minerals that does a plus D6 of fire damage. Dillon M operates the only hot tub in all of Bohumia. It's crazy that there's only one, but it's because Dillon M got a copyright and is very litigious. Jive G, a trumpet soloist in Bohumia's beloved scob and real big mish.

Corbin A, an all-star athlete who took the Glater on all-state track meet by storm but was later disgraced when it was revealed they were using Long Strider. Atlas Storm Reaper, a super chill person who neither storms nor reaps, but what can you do we all bear the burden of our parents sins. Jostritch, a jock ostrich who's remaking the movie Juss with an ostrich. Cameron Mickey, an interior designer at the Crick, who brought carpeting to a previously mud floor only society. EL Dre, Gage, the Dregarnaut, a hop goblin who loves beer so much that he finishes the

drags of every glass at the tavern. Cameron see a warlock locksmith, rather than smithing keys and locks he just casts spells to open doors. It's pretty cool, but not that helpful for people trying to change their locks. PJW, the anger ranger. He's a half-elf ranger who's currently lost in the woods and it makes him very upset. Damn y'all are. Probably best known from the Bohumi and Viral video, Dan Damial.

He was recently on Elfin, the Bohumiya equivalent of Ellen, and indeed he was back at it again. Quentin J started the beloved Crick, a Tumnel tradition of cricks giving where you have your whole family over at your stomp and eat crawfish as you argue with your loved ones about if theala is a good leader. Joss S, a dwarven baker who invented donut holes, he gets very insulted if you call them munchkins though. Dom R, a fearsome bard who places violinin with a sword he's constantly ruining his instrument but it's badass as hell.

Jeremy B. A retired tiefling adult film star. Jeremy B. is perhaps the most recognized man in the realm. Logan C. The Opossum Veterinarian who, during a routine check up for saucepots, caught a Malignant tumor and its very early stages on POP-O. It was successfully removed and POP-A has been medically cleared for both Scramble and General Mischief. Update, PAPA believes his tumor was caused by prolonged exposure to the fog by the crick and is currently suing ill-set. BabyDoc, now, a really tiny dock where small canoe airships park their vessels, BabyDoc.

Jennifer V, the coach of an elite, catch him from the door of an edge, introduce the flying V as it means of producing the most scoops during the game. Colin G, the G stands for Glad Sucks, Colin, is so smart that he saw how much Glad Suck from the moment he met him so much so that he legally changes his name just to troll him. Matt H, an orc dork, he's big and scary and strong, but secretly loves to spend time reading graphics, scrolls, and playing nerdy games on a speaking stone. Jacob J. A rat folk model. Normally, rat folk are scorned and leared upon, but Jacob pulls that shit off so well

that Renee begged him to model a spring line at the latest Esri fashion week. Destin C. The only other guy in Bohemia that is the same size pants as Hard One. Destin's calves don't hug the leg quite as tight as hard one, but he's the only dude who comes close. Devin' B, a powerful cleric who every time he heals someone be they friend or foe, gives them a lollipop. Nicholas R, once spent a night out beyond the wall with the winter wolves and refused to sleeping bag,

they all thought he was insane, but in the morning they woke up and there he was just drinking some coffee asking why they slept so late. He called them summer dwarves. And finally, Jack W is actually a Jack Russell Terrier. He is straight up wishbone and he lives in Bahumia. Thank you guys so much to all of our Patreon subscribers and all of our listeners head on over to our Patreon.

to the short rest and catches next week for another episode. Thank you, everyone.