Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 40: Into the Frozen Tundra (The Frostwind Chapter)

Episode Date: November 15, 2018

The Band of Boobs say their goodbyes to Jaina, then attempt to escape the city and travel beyond the wall. Bev achieves peak Beverly, Moonshine embodies a pregnant elk, and Hardwon gets called "tinyfolk" for the first time in his life. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music / Sound Effects Include:"Crackling Fire" by sagetyrtle at Freesound.org."The Purge" by Emily Axford."A Hospitable Farewell" by Emily Axford."Frostwind" by Emily Axford."Trust the Gust" by Emily Axford.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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PAPA at checkout. That's www.atamineave.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to the podcast, so be sure to use the code PAPA to get your discount 100% free shipping and get it fast with brush processing. Code P-A-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, Sweeties. Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Welcome back to Bahumia everyone. Bahumia.

Bahumia. I'm your Dungeon Master Brian, joined by Jake Herwits. Hard one, sure foot. Emily Axford. Moonchind Sabin. Womper of miners and conjurer of vinerd. Oh. Wow.

Thank you. Thank you. That will be me for this episode. Oh, she's going to sleep. She's trancing again. And of course, called all Tanner. Beverly took all the fifth Prince Hunter. Ooh.

Yeah, that's a graphic novel. We're really just sleeping because you want to find him. You don't really kill him, right? That's what I was about to say. It's fun to say Hunter about something that you're looking for for a good reason. Yeah, you're hunting for the Prince.

Like, deal Hunter. The Prince was also on a hunt. It's just he is the Prince Hunter. Quackomoli Hunter. It adds an air of urgency. Okay, that's the name of the episode. Wackomoli in Bumia. That's a very good question.

Absolutely. Absolutely not. We have sliders. There's definitely been some guac on a slider. Do you have guac on sliders usually? Yeah, you have it as an appetizer to the sliders. You have chips in the guac for the table and then sliders. Hey, you guys have to fucking order in, man.

You guys, this is a give and take, D&D. So if you guys want some guac, you gotta order some guac. You gotta, listen, you need to leave gaps in your map, you need to leave room for guac. Yeah, I've been leaving room for guac. You guys haven't been asking for that. That's actually a good advice for just going

to a restaurant, leave room for guac. You can come for guac every time. Yeah, you guys have had salsa. When you go to a restaurant, you are telling a story with the waiter and you need to make sure that you're collaborating with. Yeah. Okay, everyone, enough talk about guac and salsa.

Let's do a little recap. So last week you guys installed Joris as head of the new Thieves Guild. Well, who left for God? And convinced all of the Dorfans to move into underground tunnels. You also tabletopped a teenager and kicked shit in his mouth.

We're good and smart. I prove it. See, I feel like by calling him a teenager, you're not like calling him what he really was. He was a shithead, so now he has a shit mouth. You guys then headed to the Fox and the Thresh, the bar where you were supposed to meet Jaina Bronzebeard.

Once there, you were confronted by Jaina and her men about your involvement in Jema's murder. The night searched you and found a ton of incriminating evidence, including the murder weapon, some cursed armor that drove one of Jane's family members insane, and various other artifacts of the nine hells that you picked up along your journey. Sure.

Should have left the bag outside. Oops. Yep. Should have put that in a trash can outside and gotten it later. We need, you know, we need for the bag of holding. We need, um, we need a false bottom to the bag of holding. There should be a bag within the bag. You guys need a box of art.

That's the smart thing. Yeah. It looks like a padlock or something. We need a trap bag. Jaina and Hermann attacked, but you guys restrained most of them and refused to engage in actual combat. Finally, hard one offered his neck to Jaina, who almost took his head off before thinking better of it. Jaina ordered her men to stop, regained her senses, then you guys talked her through everything that has happened so far.

She informed you that her father, along with some bronze beard men and winter wolves, had headed out into the tundra to look for the pale prince and the king's hammer. You also asked Jaina if she had ever seen a prison gem like the one containing Ulfgar before, and she said only once in her father's workshop. You bid your goodbyes for the night, but then Jaina returned in the morning to talk to moonshine.

moonshine had mentioned earlier in your conversation that Mimaw had a high level druid spell that could possibly bring Jema back, and Jaina was desperate to try it and asked to borrow the airship so she could find Mima and that's where you are now. Oh right, I got an Asgard wand from the airship. So Munchine, you are in this empty tavern with Jaina. There's a little bit of daylight pouring in from behind the curtains but otherwise it's pretty dark in there. Jaina hasn't slept, she's very determined and manic.

She's still holding the clump of hair that she's pulled from Jenna's body. I have a question. Would lesser restoration suit her sleep crazies? Perhaps. Only perhaps. It would help a bit. You still got a sleep.

You still got a sleep. What about a lesser moisturize? That would certainly help with the bag. I'm sure. So can I, yeah, you see she like is clenching the hair in her hand. Should we go ask them? Should we go upstairs?

Back in level spells were at the bit. Yeah, follow me, follow me. And you know, you kind of were a bit. You were toasty with a hard one last night. So you might want to take a calm, smooth demeanor tonight. Right. Okay. Yeah. Of course.

Yeah. She kind of tries to steal herself. Okay. She gets a very serious face on. So we creep in. You guys creep in. Or we're just going to, we're not going gonna like do a big wake-up of a hard one We're just gonna kind of like like wake him up But without like actually wake him waking him up for the day

I'd like to say for the green teen board that I were Beverly and I are sleeping head to toe Head to toe you must go I sleep head to toe all night? Yeah, China. He's a real good scout master. And Balnor is just snoring so loudly in the corner on the chair rocking. Rrrr.

What's the, I'm like choking. He's got sleep apnea. Sleeping in the chair is such a great dad move. Yeah, yeah. What's the wardrobe situation? Hard one. Shirtless, but pants. Always wear the pants. It's all late pants. Sleep? Hard one. shirtless but pants. Always wear the pants pants.

Oh late pants. Sleep next to Bev, I wear the pants. But Bev's got a yid and yang thing, so he's shirtless. No pants. But shirt. It's a long shirt, but still. Like if a strong breeze came in, it'd be trouble. Bev definitely sleeps in a long shirt.

Yeah, kind of cap. Oh, he sleeps in one of hard ones shirts. Oh, it's from a conference you went to. Oh, they're PJs for him. Yeah. Or moonshines, one of moonshines shirts. He's a teeny man. Yeah.

No, I had the hard one. And you do have huge breasts. Yeah, he's got a real bat, just a really wide shirt. That's right. I'm trying to do the hard one, should share shirts. Yeah, I was gonna say men with broad shoulders actually can fill out moonshines. Oh yeah.

And we both have pedonco dogs. Yeah, it fits. Really the only difference is the height. Yeah. Yeah, the upper part of the shirt fits great and then it just shows your mid-drip. If you wear moonshine shirts. So, Janice, Janice is like,

we get right up into Harwan's face, but we do that thing where he doesn't have to wake up. It's like we're leaving for a flight. You know, it's kind of like slowly touching his shoulder. Harwan. Harwan's face, but we do that thing where he doesn't have to wake up. It's like we're leaving for a flight. You know, it's kind of like slowly touching his shoulder. Harwan. Harwan. Harwan, can China borrow your airship? No.

I put my feet in Roon Shine's face. Oh, God. Harwan is in the middle of a dream and just says, mm-hmm. Okay, this feels wrong. I'm going to wake him up a little more. I'm going to wake him up a little more. I'm gonna wake him up a little more. Janice slaps you across the face.

Hard one, we have a chance. We can still save her. I have her hair. Hey, oh, I see, I shoved the ball of hair in your mouth. Janice, what I say about that delk dimper? Well, you know, we only have nine days to bring Gemma back, but we can do it. My God.

We can do it, hard one. It's like my hog, Ocarot. Hey, wait, what's up? It still smells like her. Right? Hard one. Jaina wants to borrow the airship, so she can go down a memo and try and turn this hair

into a living person. Because, you know, hair is just dead skin. You're talking about reincarnation? Yeah. Oh. Where could you use the devil book? Jaina, whatever you need to do, take the ship. The SS stormborn is yours.

I'm telling you, I think that if you bring her back in a good way, in an honest way, in a wholesome, earth-loving way, it's gonna be a better life for her. I agree. And you know what, my father ordered me to stay in the castle and get to know Cyril Colden, but my first order was to protect Gemma.

So in a way, I'm not even breaking an order. In a way, I'm being the best iron deep knight that I can be. That's right, but China also, you gotta get into disobeying your father. Yeah, I disobey people all the time. Cool. Right, this kid knows.

Yeah, what? I love to disobey a dad. Yeah, what else do you need from us? If I have your blessing, there's some, you know, nights from Galatoron that came with us. I think there's probably a few guys that I can trust, probably that know their way around in airship. Keep it close.

Yes. Papa. Rare. We got one of the most important letters we've ever written to be right. Rare. All right, so I'm gonna dictate. Y'all gotta pay.

Papa's gonna roll an intelligence check. Shout out to the two. Wow. How was the dice so fucking poetic sometimes? Papa, Bev, you look over and you see it's I don't know that he rolled a two, so I'm just going, dear Mima. I send.

Dar Momo. Okay. Hard one's noting approvingly over by the other. This is just the routine. It's like they're all doing this and I'm off to the side writing the actual matter. I have dispatched a close personal friend who bears a close personal artifact

that represents, okay, we need a reincarnation spell and this girl is coming with my blessing. They are good people, they are good stock and this is a soul that this world deserves back. You see Papa is just sucking on the feather pen. I'm so proud of him. I'm so proud of him. I made a duplicate. Papa tell her'm so proud of him. I made a duplicated.

I'm a duplicated. Tell her that it's my girlfriend. Oh yeah, maybe like a PS to Mama, say PS, Mama, this is hard ones girlfriend. Can you write official, Papa? He's there. He starts spitting up the ink on it. Good boy.

So like just in case for legal reasons, I did make a duplicate. Okay, I throw it in the grocery. Oh no, why don't we, you know what? Why don't I take both? That would be good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll say a call, a call.

Hard one, did you in the dwarvenage, do they not have classes? They did. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, just checking. I read right away, it's the best of all. Sure do.

Also, can we unload a couple of nanophiles on you? Okay, just checking right right with the best of both you sure do also Can we unload a couple nanoflyes on you? I don't know our breed in my crazy Roll the see how many nanoflyes are in we do roll a real a detour to see how many nanoflizer in your jar right now Oh no! Did you know the one? Did you stink shit? Well, there's only one Nannerfly in there now. A extinction level of min. Absolute worst number you could have rolled. All right, I got to at least mix this Nannerfly with other flies.

Hard one. Where's the frostflies? Where's the frostflies? I'm looking for a frostfly. Are there no more Nannerflies at the creek? They're probably are, but right now I'm worried about getting this guy's little weiner into something. My shister is dead and you're talking about nanoflives. She's not a hard one again.

Well, I investigate for frost flies. To see if there are frost wind nanoflives. Yeah. To see if there are things. Yeah, it doesn't need to be a nanoflives. I just am looking around the hotel room. Sure, roll a search chat or a nature check. Apologize to Gina a little bit. I'm like, we do grief weird. Just to fly. Just to fly. Just to fly. Just to fly. Just to fly. Just to fly.

Just to fly. Just to fly. Just to fly. Just to fly. Just to fly. Just to fly. Just to fly. Just to fly.

Just to fly. Just to fly. Just to fly. Just to fly. Just to fly. Just to fly. Just to fly. Just to fly.

Just to fly. Just to fly. Just to fly. Just to fly. Just to fly. Just to fly. Just to fly. Just to fly. Just to fly. the jar with my nannervly and hope that that happens. You see it's furiously trying to get away. The nannervly just bites it in half and starts just ripping it apart. I was hoping for a Jon Snow Daenerys sort of situation. I think I'm going to give Jane a my captain's hat. Oh, if she's captain of the stormborn, you'll get this back someday, hard one.

Good. I'm going to go beyond the wall and I'm gonna find the Pelprints and we're gonna figure out what the hell's going on. Why do big stuff going on? Yeah. I'm just one last dumb thing. Don't go into. There's a secret compartment in my room. Don't open it. Got it. Yeah. We good. Of course. Yes. You have my word. And I don't break my word. I said that I was gonna protect Jemma, and I'm gonna protect Jemma. Good.

Oh, just to piggyback off a hard one, he did have me put some spells around it in case, I guess there's, you know, birth certificate or something in there. It's a birth certificate. Yeah, so it's a trap door. Go ahead and roll out a deception check. Fuck.

Either one of you guys. 11. Okay, let's use trap door. Go ahead and roll that deception check. Fuck. Either one of you guys. 11. OK, let's use her 11. You just kind of nods and goes, yeah, I'm not going to dig through your stuff. To whatever you do on your own time is fine. Until we meet again, Jaina. Until we meet again, hard one.

Thank you. I would say I owe you my life, but really we kinda got her killed by letting our guard down. Oh, totally. When she comes back, let's just beat the shit out of each other. Yeah. We should just pound each other in the face. We owe her that. Yeah.

This is beautiful. All right, we'll wrestle when we return. As she leaves, I whisper, you know they're all gonna call you Jaina there, right right? I that's fine. I'm proud of you. Godspeed, Jaina. Jaina, Jaina gives you guys all hugs and more speed pardon me. And she goes, thank you. You've given me a reason to live. You've given me hope. I'm telling you, you are taking the righteous path. You are not going to regret this. You would have regretted any dalliance you had with that book, but you will not regret taking a righteous path like this.

Morton's beard sheds upon you. Yeah. Thank you. It is a luscious beard. Well, I heard he's got a brother's sister's grooming. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Great plug. She punches Moonshine in the stomach, and she doesn't know why. Well, I'm so sorry.

I don't know why I did that. Why, that was so smart. She punches hard one in the face. I, she misses good, but you're just so loyal. I feel compelled to do this. Somebody else is making me do it. I don't know. And she goes, she looks at you so seriously, Moon Chine, and she goes,

if your Mima can bring back my sister, I will protect her with my life. I will make sure your Mima lives to be a very old elf, and you have my word. My Mima is the most powerful person on this, on this goddamn green and brown place. But I do want to warn you that you are quite emotional right now. And I think that a night's sleep will only help you bring your sister back in the healthiest way possible. I worry that the longer I wait, the more chances are that somebody will try to commandeer the ship,

the king might want it for so sweet. I understand, I absolutely understand. I thought you- Right now I scoped it out this morning. I went- Our territory of being your own worst enemy. I just happened to pop, I popped by there at like 6am, like an hour ago, there are a few iron dwarves on there.

I think I've got enough pull around here that if I get some of my men, I can maybe get the iron dwarves off the boat for a second and we can kind of shoot off. We have to, we can help them get that. We're gonna have to roll us out. I think that might not be the best idea for you guys. But I think it might be the best idea for you.

Trust me, I can do this. All right. Okay, yeah. You got nine days, get your first night rest on the ship. Yes, yes. Don't fly tired. I'll let one of the people from a go later on fly it. I'm not planning on.

All right, I'm not a captain. Okay. Can I give her like a quick touch hands to like give her a little pep? Sure, but if you guys wanna do, you guys can do healing type like canned trips. You guys don't need to waste any of your actual stuff. Cool.

Yeah, we do that. Cool. You guys just kind of use your holy oras and stuff. You say a quick prayer with her. She says a very stern, like, she does like a very stern reading of her iron deep oath. I pour a cup of coffee and then I scream the word pellore into it over and over again.

I write Malora in griddle cakes and burn it a little bit and then pour more griddle cake on it so that then when I flip it over, it says Malora on it. She just pounds a pancake breakfast and drinks so much coffee, and you see she looks a little bit better. I write her name on the cup, and I do spell it correctly. Mom.

Thank you, I really appreciate that. I understand. You guys can call me Jaina if you really want. You've given me a- I can call you by your first name. My name is Jaina. God, David. I'm sorry, I'm actually not ready for it.

Just please call me Jaina. If you want to, when I'm not here, call me Jaina. That's fine, but just in general, Jaina. But thank you. Be safe, be on the wall. Hopefully there is a world for us to meet up again in. We will. There will be.

Be smart, get some sleep, and there will be. You better come back, because you got my goddamn hat. She nods and puts the hat on. She looks really silly in it. It's my hat. You have a big head. Damn, right I do. Yeah, she just looks like an old timey football player.

It just goes way too low. And you see, Jaina bronze beard, heads off. All right, y'all, you think we should follow her? I think we gotta wake up Val Noreng and get ourselves over the fucking wall. Yeah. Y'all don't think that we need to like follow her and just like maybe spy and make sure that she.

She has a meaningful mission. She wants to bring her sister back. She doesn't have the foot, she doesn't have the armor. This is what she's saying. But I think she's- I think it's a righteous unhinging. Yeah. It's like kicking down a door.

I'm okay with her amount of on hand. It's like a scarecrow without its stuff in, you know? It's creepy. I feel the same way that she does. I'm just better at being chill about it. Yeah, you seem real chill. I got a full nine last night. Kid Cudi is still blasting.

Kid Cuddy is still blasting. Kid Cuddy. Mr. Solo No. Yeah, I want to help her, but we can only help so many Royals in this town. You know what? That's a beautiful point. I stand down. And we got to get that hammer because if the Giants get it,

they're going to just destroy the world. And I really hope that that Jane is okay, but I feel like saving the entire world is maybe a higher priority. I'm just as worried about this fucking will helm guy getting it. Oh yeah, I mean, Gemma's dad was always a prick, but he straight up might be evil. There's a chance.

I don't know any other geomancers. I'm wondering, so speaking about this hammer, I have an ability called Locate Object. I don't know if that would be helpful right now. We might need to get a little closer. Have you seen it before? Would this hammer be familiar to me? From my studies.

I will. It's only three in the whole world. Yeah, I'll let you roll a history check. Okay. I'll say DC 15 to be like familiar with it. Come on, that's fair. Let's do it. It's so fair.

My history's plus three, firm, firm but fair. Yeah. All right, that's a 16. Okay, cool. And what's the range on it? A thousand feet. Damn it. It is not within a thousand feet of you.

Okay, can we say that like I did the roll and like I know what the hammer looks like. So I'll know how to find it when we see it. Yes. I also have low cake creature. We could use that on the winter wolves. Oh, there's got a lot of winter wolves. I don't know if that would be helpful.

You know, Toma, you met her. Oh yeah, so we could find out where Toma is. And they're at least good at tracking and they know about everything. It's only a thousand feet though. Let's head to the wall first and then let's revisit some of these cool spells. Well, yes, I'm glad that we had a little powwow.

Cool, it's like we started, we like turned the key into the ignition but we didn't turn the car all the way on. Bundle up, Belnor, it's about to get cold. Belnor wakes up. Oh, dude, we got our full six. I feel great sleeping in a chair. Oh, my back.

Do you want some flapjacks? Uh, yeah. They all have Malora branded into them, but I can write Polora and syrup if you like. I'm not really a Polora guy. I'm not an anybody guy. I'm not a Jesus Christ. I'm a, I'm agnostic.

I believe there's like somebody. So with the crunches. I believe there's somebody up there, you know, like there's some gods, but they aren't necessarily like Polo or Osmodeus. I have walked out. I'm not. I've found that we're talking to themself.

I tap them up. So what is your guys plan for getting over the wall? Because you guys have this map that Joris gave you. Joris mentioned the Southeast Garrison, I believe. So the way the wall is set up and based on what Joris told you and based on what you can see in the map, the wall is basically a series of towers and then like wall that connects it.

So at the bottom of the towers are these garrisons. Some of them are winter wolves, some of them are city guard and like troops of frost wind. Yeah, I don't want to go through this part around here. Based on everything you know, going, trying to go through a garrison tunnel that the army is stationed at, it's probably the worst idea, but you'll either want to probably climb the wall

between towers so that you're not up in people's business as much, or you'll want to try to sneak in a tunnel. So I could make three of us invisible. Oh, or? But I was worried about the climb as well, so. Was I? Because I think that if we have ropes, it makes it easier for all of us to go over. Going one by one, just.

You can lead climb. That's just saying yeah. Yeah, we can do that. Or you three go over. I go over. I just keep on hammering in hooks as I go up. I mean, whatever you guys want to do. I think if we can, if three of us can be invisible at once, that kind of changes

things a little bit. I think we could at least get you three over and then tie me and then you just pull me over as you slide down the other side of the wall. Sure. What about me? You're coming with me. Yeah. Oh, you and I are going.

Oh, yeah, I can go in the bag. How long can I? How long could he survive in the bag? 10 minutes, I thought it was. It's not long enough. Is there anywhere we could buy hang gliders? I can just pop my head every once in a while and grab some air and just a little face

will appear in the middle of the wall. I think they probably won't notice that. Boundore, allow me to bear that responsibility of opening up your breathing hole. I guess we could both go in the bag and then there would only be, oh, that'd be good, because I don't really want to use

like a fourth level spell, because then that wipes out my other chances of using it. I mean, all of us could go in the bag, and then Mochuk just turn herself into a spider and take it in the bag. Let's do all three of you go in the bag, and all go in physical weight.

One big bag. One big bag. One big bag. One big bag. Weep, but you're actually a better climber. So I, I, I, I, I, I, I cast it on you and then I go in the bag. Will the bag affect my concentration? No.

Okay. I'm gonna do the bag except concentrate. Yeah. Okay, so for the bag of holding breathing creatures inside the bag can survive up to a number of minutes equal to 10 divided by the number of creatures Okay, okay, I think that One of us should gash his form through

And then the other one should carry the bowel nor bev in the bag That's five minutes they'd have that's five minutes wait We've five minutes. Oh, yeah, that's true You can't climb 300 feet in five minutes probably not hard one sure I Humus All right We're at a tavern, right? Yes, I go behind the bar and I get some straws Problem solved very nice

We'll just breathe out of the straws. Problem solved. Very nice. We'll just breathe out of the straws in the bag. If you like pia coladas and breathe in in a bag. Okay, so you look behind the bar, you find some fantasy straws. Jumbo straws, like you would use for like a boba drink. I think milkshake.

Or a boba drink. And curly. Let's order milkshakes. All right, so you find some straws. I'm gonna say for the purposes of this invisibility where you guys are really far away, people probably won't see two straws going up like a wall. But I will say in the future, this shit is not gonna fly.

She's kind of like, if you try to sneak into like a vampire's mansion as like two straws, no. But we established that we're in a bar that would have straws. That's the only reason. Yeah, the negotiation. Okay, but what if I throw another, what if I throw another second level spell at you?

I'm fine. So that's third level. I'm fine with the straw. We don't. No, but what if I sweeten the deal? Sorry, so yes, don't throw away your stuff. I'm going gashous form. Hard ones going invisible. I add a little plant growth to make the... by, sorry, so. Sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so,

sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so,

sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so,

sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, so, sorry, I'm gonna do like, we're gonna sneak right up to the precipice. Okay, probably get as close as we can, yeah. So, you guys... Oh, we should go ahead and pass without trace, Natch.

That is a good call. Very good call. Natch without trace. Moonshine casts, pass without trace on all of you guys. You guys exit the tavern, you begin traveling to the eastern part of the city from the Fox and the Thrush. The city gets fancier, the more east you go,

but as you begin to approach the wall, it begins to get more militarized, and you see your first squad of iron dwarves, you see two big ol' iron dwarves, and an iron dog moving about, guys go ahead and give me stealth checks 25 that's a natural 20 Wow 30 on the stealth check I got a 28 Wow, okay

You guys you guys slip right to down this guy within natural 20 could I sneak inside of one and pilot it? No, all right. You guys like duck into an alley as the iron dwarves go by, Bev with your nat 20, I'll say, the dog starts sniffing the air and starts to go into one of the alleys and you're like spider man, legs, blade between two walls. And the dog would notice,

but my butt is so skinny, that it's just like that extra amount of space, salty-ness. I'm about skinny, too. And he's ironed orbs. Get that mouth strap at. He's ironed orbs, pass you right by. And so since you guys are going over the wall, I'll give you guys the benefit of the doubt.

I'll say you guys aren't near garrisons, so there aren't a ton of guys around, but you do see some frost wind city guards around. They're these knights in full plate mail with they've got white tabards on, they have like a blue fist, like a gauntlet fist, which is the sign of House Coldain. Fuck the cold days. And you see the massive wall, this wall, far taller than the other buildings in the city, about 300 feet high. Under mounds of thick ice and frost is blackened to iron.

You can still see some of the darkness of it coming through. You guys do see that there are some people working on the wall, like around it. They almost look like window cleaners, on skyscrapers all that are up there, wall washers. They're breaking off like big chunks of ice and like polishing the iron underneath. And yeah, you guys see like a few of these guards around and stuff, but nobody has spotted you guys yet. Let me know what you guys do as you approach the wall. Okay, so y'all, I just read that gaseous form. You transform a willing creature.

You touch along with everything it's wearing and carrying. Oh. So I can carry the bag. And oh shit, but it is concentration. You can gaseous form one person and everything that he's holding. Everything that they're carrying. So if I'm holding Bev and Balnor and you gash his form me.

Yeah. Oh, but you're not gash his form, it would just be. Well then, why don't you get in the bag with us? He's just gonna gash his form right through the wall. Is there any kind of saving? One big bag. One big bag. Are there any, are there any kind of a saving throws that happen?

Actually, you know what that takes concentration. So never mind. Okay, yeah, let's do it. We're gonna just gash his form. We're getting gassy. How thick does this wall look? Oh, yeah, I Will say it's about 50 feet thick. Okay, so someone moving through a 50 foot wall at 10 feet at a speed of 10 feet can get by in Like pretty quick, right? They're moving at a speed of 10 feet

So then they would move they would take a full dash action in like pretty quick, right? They're moving at a speed of 10 feet, so then they would move, they would take a full dash action, so that would be 20 feet per round, it would only take them like a minute to get through the wall. Cool. My speed's faster than that too.

But as a gas, you'd only have 10 feet, is what you sang I think? Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah, that's what your speed is. So we're just gonna need to hold our breaths and hope that you don't get way laidid by some other gaseous form. All right then. Buckle up.

Y'all, let's dive into this bag. One big bag. One big bag. One big bag. One big bag. One big bag. One big bag. Balnor can't involve into the bag.

He's so excited to be in the bag with you guys. A jackknife. Bam, dives in. What with you guys. I jackknife. Babe, dive's in. What do you do, Mochine? I do like a beautiful Olympic dive. Ooh. Yeah. Perfect form.

Usually I'm used to landing in like a big pool mud. So this is like a new feeling. I use minor illusion to hold up a two. Hahaha. Mochine jumps in the bag, bound or instantly farts a little bit. Oh, wait, shit. I popped out of the bag and bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy.

I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy.

I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a old guard. Yeah, old guard. Boundore's just like, what do you guys think's going on out there? What's old guard's world like? He is a gem as a gas around my neck. So hard one, you are gas. All right, I guess I'm going to take a quick tour of the city. I'm a non-coloidal solid. No, I'm going straight through the wall. We're not, we have to navigate like cracks and stuff

like that too. Oh, do you? Yeah, because we're going through like cracks through the wall. We're not, we have to navigate like cracks and stuff like that too. Oh, do you? Yeah, because we're going through like cracks in the wall. Small holes, narrow openings, cracks. I think you just like, it treats liquids as though they were, though it treats liquids as though they were solid surfaces. Wait, ice is a solid. Yeah, I think this doesn't work.

Okay, so because there are not enough cracks in the wall, you think that we can't get through. Like I think I was picturing it being like sort of like a naughty earthen wall, but if there is steel iron, you think that there's not. I was picturing it as like just the straight up game of thrones, huge wall of ice and iron. Yes.

Yeah, there was cracks in there. Right, so there's no cracks. So you're not gonna be able to go through it based on the language of the spell, but you can go over the wall. Okay. But if you guys are in the bag, you guys, you guys will need to take a break

when you're on top of the wall and do like one stealth check before you can gash this form again. I mean, I'm sure it'll be beautiful up there. So we'll probably want to take the moment. You guys might want to take it in. Harwankan plop us somewhere that gives us the best stealth roster, right? Yeah, we're in between garrisons.

Just so you all know, we're not going to have passed without trace once we reappear. Maybe if there's like a big barrel, you could stealth us into the big barrel. Yeah, I'm sure there's like a litrine up there. Yeah, still listen to the latrine. There's definitely, you guys can kind of surmise that they'll be, you know, supplies up there and things like that. Our first gasp of air is just gonna be a nasty latrine. Take a big breath, oh no. Oh god, I'm always scared of snakes in here.

Oh God, I'm always scared of snakes in here. Okay, so- So I reach a hand out the bag, touch hard one. Yeah, I just bet. Are we all like sitting in each other's laps? Yeah, it is tight in the bag. You guys are in like a tiny room. You guys are on a real small flight. All three of you sitting next to each other.

I'm making sure Bev is in between me and Balnor. So we just have good ideas. What, I heard stuff happen in the time out bag. I wasn't sure. Making sure Bev is in between me and Balnor. So we have some good ideas. What? I heard stuff happen in the time out bag. I wasn't sure. I'm a barrier boy. Yeah, so true. Yeah.

Beverly's here. Let's not. Balnor definitely popped a mitch before he did it. Yeah, he did that Steve Erkle of the spring. Hard one. You turn into gas on the wind, as the poets say. You begin floating up along this wall, passing workers who are breaking ice on the wall and kind of polishing it and working on it.

You see the city behind you kind of fade away, all the keeps and castles and shops and everything. You begin to crest over the top of the wall. You see that there's this walkway with like elevators and such for the scouts and the guards to get up and down. It's just a beautiful fart cloud climbing a mountain. Yes. Yeah, and as you get over the wall,

you look out as a gas, with your gas eyes. You see all the snow covered mountains in the distance and the big purple crack in the material plane. It lights up the sky even in the daytime. Someone's like, that gas over there has a huge ass. Damn, right. You take it in for a moment. Meanwhile, your friends inside are choking.

They have just run out of air. Guys, go ahead and do me a roll and see, because you guys are between Garrison, so there's only a few guys on this part of the wall, and there are some like barrels and various supplies. You see that there are a few like arrows, silets and stuff, some guys have crossbows and everything, but the crossbows are just kind of laid up against the wall.

Guys, go ahead and give me a roll to see how like, diligent the guards are. If you guys do, if you guys roll- Are you gonna choose this rollin'? No, no, just one person. Okay. So if you guys get like 15 to 20, then these will be some real fuck around boys,

and they won't even be looking for you. Jake, you're the guy's daddy. I should roll. Oh boy. Shout out to the core four. Oh, no. The core? Hard, hard one.

You get out of that. What do I add to it? Nothing. That was just a look-roll. That's okay, guys. That's okay. I can make this work. Hard one.

You fly up and you expect you're thinking, like, these are the guards between garrisons. These guys are going to be taking their job that seriously. They are the last lot of defense, but you just see. I fly up. Thank you. These are the dinky dwarves. Four, just super ripped, cold-daying guards looking out

into the snow, not talking to each other. Oh, no. One of them turns the other one goes, have you seen giants? No, I have not seen giants. Anyone next to us? No. Good check. Good check, brother.

Good check. Check next to you. Anyone there? No. No one there. Just the most diligent men. I'm glad they're diligently looking in the opposite direction that I'm coming from. So you plop down and you can hide behind some like barrels nearby. Let me know when you ungasher swarms. Yeah. Yeah. I hide behind some barrels

far away. Everybody go ahead and give me a stealth check. Ooh. I'm sorry, but you guys remember when I say I've built a cop with a roll, that was pretty cool, right? Would you get this time? 16. These are insanely diligent guards. I only got eight. These guys roll the one.

Oh, yeah, I had a spell that I was like, they're looking in the wrong way. What are them pulls out of vape? They are insanely diligent, but they are just watching the wall. I hate giants. Do you see any giants on the horizon? No, no. I do not. We should look that way. Perhaps we should look east together, brothers. They all look in turn like clockwork and the same direction. I feel moved by them.

I barrel into them and push them all off. We serve our city with pride. Oh, I'm going to leave a little mushroom for them. You make a little human instantly grow some isacles. And check around for frostboss. No. Get back in the bag, Mochang. I'm back in the bag.

We opened the bag and you instantly made a mushroom and went fly hunting. And I reached my hand out. I gash his forearm hard one again. Oh yeah. Hard one, you turn back into a gash. And I remember your voice becomes gashes. Thank you. I guess off the wall right between one of those guys.

As we're leaving in a dwarven voice, I say, Frostwin sucks. A slid Beverly, young Bev. Go ahead. They had a nice brotherhood going. Go ahead and give me a deception check. Oh, come on. Oh no, Jesus Christ. That's a seven.

Okay. You say Frostwin sucks as Hart one turns into a gas and you go back into the bag. And one of these diligent dudes gets up and goes, what? Someone's on the wall! Someone's on the wall! And they grab a horn and they blow it.

No! Everyone starts to like rush into high alert mode as you guys float down the wall. Come on, Mark. We're still just like floating at a really slow pace. You guys are floating at a really slow pace. We're not even going at a falling pace. We're going at a floating pace.

You see the guys atop the wall are like furiously like looking for who it could have been. Everyone's gonna be mad at me now. Below on the ground, you guys. I'm moving Beverly in the back. You guys see these big lumbering iron golems? They are moving very slowly. They look like big iron dwarves. They're like giant size and they're just boom, boom, boom,

pounding along the snow. There are iron dwarves out here. There are winter wolves You see frost wind city troops riding like white rams You see a bunch of guys in like formation doing drills and everything and When the horn goes off like everybody starts like turning to attention and stuff You guys get to the bottom and you guys can't breathe anymore. A lot of guys. Is there any tree cover? No, there's not going to be any tree cover near the wall. But how far away is the tree line?

Pretty far, it's kind of like open tundra. Cool. I dive into the snow as deep as I possibly can. Okay, yeah, okay, so you're like getting down in the snow. It's just like hiding. I'm making a gosh dang snow angel. I like that move. Okay, so you're like getting down in the snow, it's just like hiding there. I'm making a gosh dang snow angel. I like that move. Okay, yes. So you go down as the gaseous form,

you get like kind of deep under the snow, like a couple feet, and then you ungaseous form, and you guys are all just like, hey, you're just like a joke, a joke has snow. Bounder's just grabbing, Bounder just fiercely swallowing snow What is this hard mud? What an ungashous form can I was big enough that I sort of created a little bit of a

Cavern right and I like what actually happened is you guys just kind of buried yourselves in the snow So you're just like laying in the snow after after like a little bit you hear like another horn go off and you hear the guy yell, sorry it's false alarm, I like to be diligent. And everyone just crumbles to themselves. Dilligence, diligence. I'd like that dwarf to be reprimanded because he heard a whisper that said, frost wind sucks and then... Yeah, that guy knows he'll be reactive.

He's crazy. He's clearly losing his mind. I like them. Frost wind does suck. He got the cutest little voices. People know that like magic exists in the world and stuff. So when someone says something behind them and then it's gone. I figured that he would think that one of his brothers had said that and then they'd all fight. They would never. That's what the deception rules for. Yep. Sometimes you make a good role. Sometimes you make a bad one. Sorry about that, guys.

I don't care. There's anyone needing. There's anybody through, Dynah might have a dragon. Nice job being Dilligid's brother. They yell up in the wall. They're just yelling back and forth about how much they enjoy being Dilligid. See, now this is beautiful.

Now we have to lay here until it's nighttime. He's just freezing in the fog. Our body warmth will keep us warm. Head to toe, Beverly. So you guys are kind of leg really low. You kind of like covered yourself

in snow. There is so much land here. It's kind of game of thrown style wall, although the game of thrown walls like 5,000 miles or something fucking ridiculous. It also has a big forest near it. It also has a big forest near it.

This one does not have a big forest near it. Fine. This one big forest near it. This one does not have a big forest near it. Fine. This one is just tundra, kind of, hot style. But there is, after a little bit, you see the wind starts to pick up and a lot of snow from the ground, it starts to go into the air, and it gets very foggy and windy and dusty,

and you guys are kind of able to stand up and you just pull your cloaks over and from a distance, there are a lot of people out here, but there's not enough to cover the entire area of the wall. You guys are able to head off into the tundra. Cool. So we're just in the middle of a giant tundra now. A literal giant tundra.

Oh. Okay. So you guys have this map. Joris had explained to you that there are hunting lodges along the way. Oh, right. Do you guys want to pave your own way or do you want to stop at those lodges? I like to give a ludge. I mean that just sounds toasty. I want to go there I will say this is going to be this is gonna be a little different for us is kind of kind of be the first time You guys have ever had to do survival stuff

and been out in the elements. You guys can get lost and you can just fucking die out in the snow. So you can try to avoid people entirely and just like lay low and like unmarked caves. Moonshine is a social creature, the nature of mushrooms is sort of a community kind of vibe. Mushrooms don't grow here.

Oh my God. I dropped my knees, I start digging in the snow to try and find mushrooms. Papa, Papa, Papa starts digging. Papa, we gotta prove wrong. I guess there would be like a cold weather likein'. Is there a cold weather likein'? Tell me there's some sort of cold weather mushroom.

Yes. Tell me there's a big, tell me there's a big frost mushroom the size of a big, frost mushroom, the size of a tree. I don't care if you have to lie to me, Murph. You see a big frost mushroom, the size of a tree. It looks at you and it speaks. Laura. I know, frost mushroom.

Moonshens got frostbite. Yeah, she's already dead. Fulgans father. So you guys head off into the tundra. The only thing allowing you guys to walk in all the snow is that the snow is so thick and icy that there's barely any give to it. It's just thick, crunchy snow.

The wind blows in your face like a frigid kiss of 1,000 needles. Your cloaks blow until they're completely horizontal. And you guys head towards the first tower, the first winter wolves tower. It's about 10 miles away, normally, if you guys were just doing a normal day hike, you guys could normally do like 20 miles in a day.

This is gonna be hard terrain, you're gonna move at half speed. So if everything goes all right, you guys won't get any levels of exhaustion, but you gotta get there. Can I use fine steed to summon a spectral elk for us to ride? For one person ride, certainly. Elk's pretty big.

I feel like two of us get it. Again, can I misty, I mean, can I wild shape into an elk? Ooh, yes. If you want a summon to steed, and if you want to turn into an elk that hard one rides, that's cool. Oh, elk squad. Our one, hop on me.

I still have a grape dog. I'll say that, I'll say that, Bound. I have a bomb before you're an elk. You break motion, it's back. Whoa, hard on, buddy. Geez. Hold on, because it's gonna be a whirlwind. Okay, so.

This is even better. Bev, you summon Majestic Snow Elk. Beautiful. It's albino. What kind of elk does Moon Shine turn into? I turn into a real gnarly one. It's the most beautiful creature I've ever seen. Just big buck teeth on this otherwise completely majestic elk.

This elk has got like British teeth. Like, yeah, huge pregnant honor. It's super pregnant. It's an animal. It looks like a waffle prize. Are you pregnant Moon moonshine? Does that, is that what this means? Lord, I hope not.

Malora, visit me. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Visit me and relieve me of my sins. So you guys have, I'll say, I'll say Boundor and Bev can go on the same elk and moonshine turns into one. Hard one hops on. And you guys are just a little deer crew. Yeah, sweet.

Cloven crew. Guys, so here's how I'm going to handle this. You guys are gonna roll an encounter, check, and you guys are gonna roll a survival check every two miles. So you're gonna make five checks before you get to the tower. So whoever's taking the lead, whoever is looking at the map and is like, we'll go this way, that person does the roles. We're not gonna have everybody do it.

My survival's plus seven. Survival or nature? Survival. Whichever one you want to use, I'm saying. Survival is plus seven. You should lead the way. You should do that. Okay.

And that makes sense. You're the lead elk. Alright. This gnarly elk takes the lead. Let your otters sway in the direction of righteousness. 13. 13, great. Okay.

You see Balnor's got the map out, and he is dictating it to moonshine, and moonshine is leading you. You guys are just in this fucking plane of insane snow. You guys don't know yet if you're on the right track or not, but you guys have traveled two miles, go ahead and everybody give me a constitution saving throw as the wind and the snow is beating down on you. My aura works for this, right?

Yes. Great. Oh yeah, I'm everybody's close. I'm like a... That's gonna be a 23 for Moon. Nice. For Elk Shine. 24.

I'd also like to announce that at my new fighter level, I get advantage on Constitution saving throws. Sweet. Ooh. I got a 12-year-old. But I just found out again. So Bev, you're getting fucking chilly, dude. But everyone else is warmed by my presence.

Everybody else is warmed by your presence. It's like that old joke about the clown who goes to the doctor. Yeah, it's that, but it's you. So you take 13- But Doctor, I am, or of protection. Exactly. You take 13 damage and you guys, I'll take six. 13 damage?

13 damage. I think that's just out in the, you guys are out in the elements. This isn't, it's not, you know, damage of being like stabbed. It's just like wearing on your body. Like you feel shitty. Yeah. All right.

Go ahead and give me an encounter roll. Just roll a D20. One through five is bad. Everything else is, everything else is uneventful. I add my survival. Nope, nothing. This is just encounter. It's just long.

Okay, so Jake's rolling for it. That's the style. Nope, that's it. That's it. All right. I got a way out of there. Cool, nope,'s rolling for it, that's the style. Nope, that's it, that's it, that's one. All right, I got a lot of it though. I think I had 17. Nope, just one person does it. Okay, so-

I do survival, you do encounters. You guys successfully go your first two miles, you think, go ahead and give me another survival check. 11. 11. Okay, you guys continue along. Everybody give me Constitution saving throws. I'm wrong dogs in here. Ooh, that's my second natural 20 of the episode.

Oh, dope. Uh-huh. I'll say natural 20, you're able to warm up. You do that kid thing where you put your hands inside your coat because they were getting really cold. But you had to warm yourself up. That really had mitten's clip too too, as cloak the whole time, and you didn't have his hands in them. What do you guys get? 22.

16 and 22. Okay, you guys only take half, you guys take five damage. Hard one, give me an encounter roll. One through five is bad. Five. Five. Hey. Probably the worst.

Okay. Maybe a luck roll? Oh, nope, nope, nope. This is just what's going on around you. This has, can't control the world outside you. Okay, we roll like shit, haven't you met us? Yes. So, you guys are traveling through the Tundra.

It seems like moonshine, you feel like you've got like a good bearing on where you guys are going and everything. And suddenly the wind and the snow starts to pick up and it is so fierce that you can't see the mountains in the distance as well as you have been seeing them. Mine are only elk legs are kind of shaken underneath me. Yeah. So go ahead and roll your next survival check

with disadvantage. I got a one. You got a one, okay. Huh. But that becomes an eight. A one becomes an eight. Okay. Y'all, we are definitely in the wrong direction.

Okay. You guys are kind of like snow blind now. There's so much wind and snow. Go ahead and give me an encounter check hard one. Oh, no, no constitution check thing. Oh, yes, sorry. Everybody give me constitution saving throws. Thanks for reminding him. Sorry.

18. 18. 16. Okay, everybody passes. You guys just take nine damage. I've got, my body is so cold, but my cheeks are so rosy. If you touch them, you will be instantly replenished. That's the same thing about my huge tits. Your huge elk and otters?

Hi, yeah. They're so chaps. My huge prick. We got to get some bag ball on those. And how your elk boobs are smaller than your actual. Go ahead and give me your third encounter check. Jake, 17. 17.

You guys continue walking for like another two miles. You see the snow starts to clear up and moonshine you're able to get more of a bearing. And actually, everybody go ahead and give me a perception check. Mm. Mm. check. Mmm. 15. 13.

Okay. Man, I've been rolling like shit. I used to have good luck with rolls. Oh, 16 actually. I rolled a three. Okay. Oh, sorry. I'm sorry.

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that has like a chain around its neck, almost like a leash. Oh. They're holding. You guys aren't close enough yet to totally get a read on that situation, but tell me how you proceed. Ice cream is this your king. I don't, I don't actually know. Okay.

Because sometimes I say things, and they're taking fully seriously. What do you think we should do? They're coming towards us. They're coming towards us. I mean, do we just try to be naked and honest and hey, we're on your side? I feel like they're probably mistrustful

of smaller folk. Absolutely. We could hide your side. I feel like they're probably mistrustful of smaller folk. Absolutely. What if we could hide? spy Hide and spy seems pretty good. Hide and spy. We have this by so you guys are kind of just out in the tundra But you guys are much smaller than these giants So if you guys just like kind of duck if you guys just lay down in the snow it's very hard This is like Frodo at the gates of Mordor style. Yeah So you guys tend to be trees you guys just lay down in the snow would to be very hard. This is like Frodo at the gates of Mordor style. Yeah. So you guys tend to be trees.

You guys just lay down in the snow. And after a bit. Again, it's like a time today. Second time, you guys are just like craft out in the snow. Just cowards in the snow. Like I just, I was in the Pruma Frog. This did shock so much.

I was like, I was gonna shut my eyes and just fall backwards. Put cross your hands over. Like a trust ball where I know no one will catch me You guys see the worst bachelor party weekend ever You guys hear yells in Giants you don't know the language, but you just hear like No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Do these giants look different? Like are two of them frost giants and one of them is like a hill giant? You'll have to get closer and do a search. Oh, this is what Heroide was talking to us about, right? I think so.

We banished all the giants north of the wall, but there's still like giant fractions. Sure, yeah, there's a lot of different types of giants. All right, I'm willing to, I'm willing to, my boy, we did with the trees. Yeah. I wonder if we could do that with giants. Yo, giddy up, steed, let the attack us. What the fuck? Do do do if we could do that with John yo gimme up steed let the attack

fuck dude dude dude dude dude dude dude

dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude

dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude

dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude throw up. He rolls a 16, he swallows his vomit. There you go. I think he's a little hot. Or maybe he just got over the crush that he had in motion. Yeah, I guess I pat Vichelka, which is the elks name. Okay. And we ride into battle as well. Sweet. I kick Moonshine with my heels, but not like hard, just sort of like a gentle like this. Just like almost like a fist bump rather than the moment.

Is there any milk coming out? Should I roll? Yeah? See how fertile I am. What am I add to that? A plus five Okay, 11 not that not as fertile So the elks take off towards the giants and as as you guys get closer, you see that there are two frost giants. They have these giant axes at their sides and wear patchwork armor, but they're built for the cold.

You see they've got light blue skin and scragly white beards, but they're not wearing like heavy coats or anything. They wearing shorts even though it's winter. Yeah, they're wearing cargo shorts and sandals, believe it or not. I respect their... I respect their... I respect their...

I respect their... I respect their... I respect their... I respect their... I respect their... I respect their... I respect their... I respect their...

I respect their... I respect their... I respect their... I respect their... I respect their... I respect their... I respect their... I respect their... I respect their... I respect their... I respect their... on patched together from rags, kind of looks like the giants. Not cool. The wild one of the giant guys holding the leash. And give it right. So they're not built for the cold.

He's bundled up, but you see, he's getting the shit kicked out of him. All right. All of a sudden these fucking elks turn up and you see these two frost giants turn you and go, look the fuck. I'm showing up my final leap, a transform into moonshine. Oh yeah, and I like,

and I leap off of her back just as she transforms into that. Do a performance check. Do a performance check with advantage. Okay, I got 15. Okay, and I got a 12. Okay, you see, and I got a 12. Okay, you see one of the guys like Nodz and goes,

ugh, pretty good, pretty good. The other guy goes, that's fucking bullshit, that's in cooler. Fuck you guys, everybody roll initiative, they go to grab their axes, tiny folks, I hate little folks. This one's the little list of all, he points to hard one.

You haven't seen my legs I see a leg 19 12 12 sweet you guys all act before these frosties Oh, yeah, but we're frosty, but you're not keeping it frosty. Oh, you don't know We're keeping it so frosty. Don't know how what it's like out there, man Yeah, we were the were there frost giants and smugglers bounty. Yeah, but they were they were bastardization Okay, they were like programmers who were never seen a frost They have beanies on whereas these guys have cargo shorts on right Do they do they have frosted tips though? No. Ah.

Do they have frosted hair that looks like tits. No, the top half of them is very serious. Looks like kind of a classic fantasy giant. But the bottom half, it is a party down below. I like that. Hard one you're first. Cool. The one guy's clapping and kind of the other guy's

insulting your performance. I'm going right for him, man. Come on, Ben, he was pretty good. No, fuck that guy, he sucks. Yeah, you suck. You do. You're about to suffer the wrath of a summer dwarf. Yeah, that's right. Does that 13 hit him?

13 does not hit him. He just grabs, he does that big brother thing where he grabs your head. So you're just swinging your axe, but out of reach. I'm really big where I come from. Are you a dwarf? You look like a dwarf to me. Oh, Yikes. Okay, that's a 25 to hit him. 25 hits. Good. You just like straight up cut a finger off. Yeah, you're just whacking at his toes. Talk it off. 15 damage. 15 damage. You slash at this guy's hand as he was bullying you.

Oh, you cut my fucking in. You know what, I'm not done actually. I'm not done getting my action surge. Yeah. Yeah. Murphy's so good at getting hardwend to take his action surge. My action surge. Yeah.

I crit. You can't hit it. Woo! Ah! Serge and Grinton. You cut into his hand even worse. Stop hitting my hand. This is my bad hand now.

You give him like the worst paper cut he's ever had. 36. 36 damage. Yeah, I was a full on cut. Three of his fingers off. Oh, did my life. Hey, each of these are. Hey, if I can get my life.

Are you a piano player? Yes. He's a professional twitch player. I like to twinkle the Ivory's. Mochine, he needed these to hold the leash. I play. Fair point. Yeah, I love yank and that ill giants.

Fuck these guys, he kicks the guy on the ground. Oh, cool. So this was a hate crime. I missed it with my second attack. OK. You're so disturbed by his casual kicking a thug conscious ill giant on the ground that you miss. Moonshine, that is your turn.

All right. These guys seem like they could use a little, little taste to slow. Ooh! We're already slow. Yeah, well, I think your A.C. is gonna get worse and your reactions are gonna go B.B. Is that right? Yeah. Okay, what did they roll?

Wisdom saving throws. I think it's a plus zero, they're normal. Gotta go slow. We have average and diligence. We got a 16. They both got a 16. I just rolled for, oh, you know what I'll roll for both of them. One guy got a 10.

All right, one of them slow. Okay. Which means, minus two on AC and X-terradi saving throws and it can't use its reactions. Okay, wow. It only gets one attack return. And that's the one that I attacked, right? Yeah.

Hell yeah. It takes in a full minute to turn it to head. Oh, and then I'm gonna spore that guy who's missing three fingers. Spores, I'm gonna spore it's just going to- It's only for six, because I am not in control. Does he grow little mushrooms from the nubs? Yes, I got to populate this fucking tundra with mushrooms. Spores brutally go into his finger nubs and mushrooms start exploding out

Oh, this is the worst fucking paper gun I've ever had. It's beautiful. Think of it like flowers. I can't believe y'all don't have Mushrooms appears That is Beth's turn some new digits. Okay, so what I want to do is I want to a misty step Up to one of the giant's heads. Okay, so what I want to do is I want to misty step up to one of the giants heads. Okay, so you just disappear night crawler style and then appear next to his head. In the brief moment that you're going to go, oh, I guess that kid blew away. He was a little kid. Wait, but the little kid. But the little kid.

Can we say that since I also know misty step, I can give him a high five as he's misty step. Absolutely. I can give him a high five as he's misty step. Absolutely. You catch him on the wind in the extra dimensional plane that he travels satisfying as hell. You slid me some misty digits. Cool, you misty step onto his head. All right, and then yeah, I just wanna

I wanna whale on his inner ear. Okay, and he's really slow. Cause then he might follow over. Exactly. Yeah, can I just like toss a javelin into his inner ear? Yeah. Yeah, you can try to stab him in the ear.

All right. Well, maybe not that time. That's, what's there AC? I got a... It's a 13 cause he slowed. Oh, fuck, I got a 12. Damn it. No!

You pop up there, you're like, huh, try this on for size. Try keeping your balance with your eardrum, you just like say too much and he very slowly swats you. I think I throw the javelin and it goes through his nose and gets him a cool septum pierce. Thanks man. Damn that looks awesome.

That looks pretty cool. Thank you. I'm gonna try again. Go ahead. All right, 15? 15 does hit. All right, 15? 15 does hit. All right. Woo.

Okay, so yeah, I just want to stab a damage. I need your damage. Ooh, 15. 15. Yeah. Okay. You stab him in the ear.

And can we say that as I stab him, I kind of like lean in on the thrust, and now I am inside his head? No. We can't say that. You don't get to just kill him in one hit. I don't, no, I'm not trying to come one hit. I just want to be in his brain. No, I want to get like inside his ear. I'm kind of like hanging onto his ear.

Okay, his ear is nuts. How big that head? How big that head? I'll say his head is two and a half feet tall. Okay. So his ears are maybe half a long? I don't know. Six inches long.

Like two subway sandwiches long. Sure. A subway sandwich long. Okay, so I can't get all the way in there, but I can like, I can you put your mouth on your nose in there? Yeah, that's what I want. Yes.

So much ear wax goes in your mouth. Hey, how's it going? That Yes. So much ear wax goes in your mouth. Hey How's it going? That is Your conscience there turn So the non-hurt guy is going to swing down on moonshine I see that you slowed down my friend and he's really annoying when he's slow Oh, so you got an understanding of spells and whatnot? Yes, I met the gaming a little bit. That's what I was about to say. Uh, he hits, he gets a 22 to hit.

Oh, but my AC is 300. Oh, shit, no, you're actually not fine. Yeah, sorry. God damn, that's a thick cowhide. Yeah. Uh, 21 damage. All the utter. 21 damage.

Okay. So, this Frost Giant swings his axe down on you, moonshine, go ahead and give me. Another one? No, no, no, he got the one attack. Go ahead and give me DC 10 concentration check, Con saving throw. Nat 20, baby!

What does that mean? Does it help me in any other way? You are so concentrated. This almost always wasted net 20. Yeah, only that came out when you were doing the milk from the udders role. That would have propelled you forward. You would have had milk jazz.

We would have been running on the udders. I would have been making an extra slippery for the giants. And we wouldn't have needed to attract your inner ear. I'll say, you keep your concentration by just pissing milk everywhere. That's where it was. Yeah. You just release everything.

I actually, I hate it. I hate it. You're an old man. You're an old man. As much as I hate it. Does the transformation take a while though, so you still do have the utter? Yeah, yeah.

I think it does. With the Nath 20, you can keep the utters. Sweetie! Yeah, I think it does. With the Nat 20, you can keep the others. Suly! Yeah, that's a fry. It is not cannon for the rest of the camp. I should eat my huge tits and my huge udders. Okay, he takes a second attack. He tries to cut your udders off.

Fair. Oh, I don't think he's gonna hit on that one. That's just a 13 ahead. He rolled four. He whips big Todd. I don't know what this is. This is confusing for me. Brother with a nat 20, you can keep the others.

This other guy who is slowed is going to... I have only one attack. Yeah, he's gonna swing it beverly. The one that's... Oh, he's gonna like punch his own head. I mean, you're not in his head. No, but I'm on his head. He can swing, he can make an attack on you.

All right, he hits. Okay. So how hard does he punch himself in the head? Does he knock himself out? No, you're on his shoulder. He has an axe. He swings up behind him and he hits you for 32 damage. Oh, 32 damage.

Yes. Okay. They're strong. All right, y'all, we're starting to get in the healer. All right, 32 damage. Yes. Okay. They're strong. All right, y'all, we're starting to get in the heal. All right, Balnor. That is Balnor's turn. Don't worry, everyone. I'll save you.

Balnor runs forward and swings at the slow guy. I'm going after the easy one. And he rolls six. Balnor hits the heal side. Oh, wait. Does Balnor hit with the six? No, he misses. Belnor misses on his first attack.

And Belnor misses on his second attack. Belnor get back in the bag. That was hard to do. I'm gonna punish myself again. Belnor crawls back in the bag. Just make sure that the hill chide is okay. Hard one that's your turn. All right, I'm gonna keep on attacking

the guy with mushroom fingers. Okay. Don't call me mushroom fingers. 19 to hit mushroom fingers. Thongle fingers, but my name is Frost mushroom fingers. Okay. Don't call me mushroom fingers. 19 to hit mushroom fingers. Thongle fingers, pop up up up. My name is Frosty Fingers. Yeah. Now anymore.

Wow, I rolled a one and a two. Now I roll that. Great. 14 damage on the first attack. Shit. My father named the me Frosty Fingers. Not gonna have sympathy for a guy that has a guy on a leash. He kicks the guy on the ground again.

Look, this guy, 24. He walks on him. 24, I'm gonna hit him, we're doing that. He like, cut, he brutally cut his calves. Ah, 14 damage. Jesus, okay. Going after the calves, the calves and the calves knots. That's Moon Giant Stern.

The Giant's too slow to get that joke. You know what? Oh yeah, you're like, what is the move here? I, you know what? I kind of like Bev going after the inner ear. You get it? I'm gonna miss this step up to the other one and attack his inner here.

Good those my ears. Strategic as much as I see what Carlwell's going for, and I want to manifest. You're picking up what I'm putting down. We are canal pals right now. They're just going out there and swinging out his head. Yeah. Okay.

I'm going, not his head, his inner ear. Your inner ear. Your inner ear. Your gonna pierce his ear. The anvil or the stirrups perhaps. It's gonna give him a gal dang infection. He's gonna need tubes after this. Old frosty fingers, having the bad ear day.

A bad ear day. What'd you roll? 11. That does not hit. You pierce his ear. Oh, thank you. It's got his pierce set for pierce- I was born in a year. Is she born in a year? Are you on the same giant? Are you on the, another giant? You pierced his ear. Oh, thank you. It's got his pierced septum. I really spores his inner ear.

Is she spores his inner ear? Are you on the same giant or are you on the, another giant? She's on your giant. Oh, you're on the other giant. Yeah. Oh, okay. I think 11 still wouldn't hit though.

No, 11 definitely. He has made him way too fashionable though. Okay, but you pierced that guy's ear. But I also spores his inner ear. That's more important. I hear poison. But only for six. And I hate ear. That's more important. I hear poison. But only for six. And I hate it.

That's Beverly Stern. OK. Can I try to be his conscience and tell him that what he's doing is wrong? Sure. Go ahead and use your action to do that. OK. Hey.

What do you think you're doing, man? This is a hate crime. You know this is wrong. Are you doing any spell? I'm using my persuasion. Okay. I have a backup plan of this fails. If you get a fucking D-Dormer, he's gonna have to eat his little ass too.

Oh, it's just a mat toy. There's no... It's gotta be a natural 20. I mean, you get to need like a 40. This is just convincing someone. Wait, we have to pray, okay. All right, that's a five, but my persuasion is seven, so 12.

He says, I don't care about things. Vin as a bonus action, I use my mage hand to reach inside his head and grab his inner ear and pull it as hard as I can. This is our now these spells work. He takes a crack at you. He rolls it too. That's right.

Stop grabbing justice. Divine justice. He really are butchering this fight. These guys have like 200 HP still between them This one guy takes to swing that moonshine I'm honest shoulder those who is hitting himself sub in yourself I'm letting you guys climb on them for like funny stuff. They can still hate you They can still hit you you don't become invincible just because you're on.

This is not, you're not a daffy dog. I just think you would take some damage if you was in it. He hits you on the second. That's a big act. You think he'd at least like chop into his dents. Y'all are probably gonna go down right now. Oh wait, really?

Do you need to look at my amulet? I wish I could. I don't care. I don't care. 26 damage. I'm down. Oh bang! Hits Moonshine with the axe.

He flies off. I got a damn fly. Would you have the featherfall ring? It's like 20 feet. You're fine. Okay, I landed the snow. Yeah, it's fluffy snow. Ballonor goes, no!

My girlfriend! I even from the afterlife cringe. I just shake my head. Ballonor runs forward emotionally and tries to swing it. This guy, and he hits. Oh! All right, use it, Boundor.

Uh, he hits it. He's a better 10. Whatever it takes. And he takes a second swing, and he hits on the second swing. He just, he's just, he's just using pure dash tracers. Oh, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Just so jerky. Fight for your love, Belnor.

And he doesn't have the pen. Defender honor. Has it worked the start since he tried to get the lawnmower to start? You guys just here, you guys are working on the other giant. You just hear loud grunting over the blizzard wave. Does, does Belnor have action surge? Belnor does have action surge.

Seems like it's not. It is. I'm, I'm going for it. He hits again. Wow, what a turn. Things are looking up for Bounder. Bounder hates these clowns. I hate this damn clown. He besmirched her honor, Bounder. He crits. Really? Yeah, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, Achilles like climb up side stab into the guys neck goes This little fucking guy jumps off eating a tuna sandwich Stabs into it. You should have hit his inner ear Bell nor Actually, I think you shouldn't I think we're barking up the wrong tree

It was a giant. Yeah, that's true. All right, so I'm gonna try to whisper in this guy's ear. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Nine damage. Nine damage got it. Okay. He is quite hurt. Great. I'll swing my axe out of me again then go for 24 that hits He's lost so many fingers 15 damage 15 damage. He is on death's stoop The door give me a death saving throw 19 there you go. That's a pass. That's gonna be a success. That's a pass. That's a pass. I'm really awkward.

I'm really awkward. Bring her back with the coin, better. I'm really regretting going for the inner ear. Because I knew what the right decision was was to summon a bunch of giant insects. But you shouldn't put the- I'm gonna put the- You could have put bugs in his ear.

It is, it's like Beverly convinced you to jump off a bridge But you should have put down your thighs. You could have put bugs in his ear It is it's like Beverly convinced you to jump off a bridge and he and he landed gracefully in the water and you landed on a bunch of rocks Everything's your turn. Okay. Um, shit. I should probably get down there and he'll moonshine huh? Yeah, that's true. I could contribute more. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Okay, I'm gonna, hmm. I can still just jump down that unseems smart. I'll let you do an acrobatics check if you wanna try to like launch off of him. So you're fast enough that he can't grab at you.

All right, yeah, let me try and just like acrobat down. I'll take the opportunity attack if I need to. Okay, go ahead and give me an acrobatics check. Okay, cool. I don't know if I have to go down. But if you do go down. That was, can I roll that again? Sure. If I, if I do go down, if you do go down. Can I roll that again? Sure.

If I do, it's 20 though. That's a 20. Yeah. You launched. Wait, what was that when I was trying to be his conscience? Honestly, this is probably more important. You launch yourself off this dude. Do I run along his axe?

Sure. He goes to baseball swing you. You run along as Axe and hop over to Moonshine, land in the snow right next door. Touch hands, baby. I touch hands on your utter. Oh, thank you, my pregnant utter. How much are you healing her for? I have 40 to give. Do you want 20? That would be, yeah. All right, I give her 20. I give her half of my search for the day. Cool. Wow, thank you, young man. You's it. Alright, I give her 20, I give her half of my search for the day. Cool. Wow, thank you, young Ben.

You deserve it. After all I've put you through. After being canal pals. Canal pals look out for your character. I whisper in your ear, this time we're gonna make it work. You effectively infiltrate my brain. This is a new character. You're a good person.

You guys are just whispering in each other's ears. My conscious is speaking to the teacher. The frost shiits descend on you. Oh wait, can I, as a bonus action, can I use my amulet on myself? Oh yeah. Cool. So you heal up with your amulet.

This hurt guy chases you down. I want to do baseball swing you, you stupid kid. And he swings at you, and he's going to hit. It's 23 days. Sorry, but I'm a bit of a curveball You're funny you'll be funny or when you're dead oh No 36 32 damage on the first hit the first hit I'm still standing he takes a second swing

That is a 19 to hit. Oh, that's my AC. It's AC, so he hits again. 28 damage on the set. Oh, I'm down. No. It's okay, I'll heal you. Cracks Beverly, acts across the chest.

Beverly flies into the snow. That's the other Frost Giants turn. He's gonna swing down on Bound or, because Bound or has been getting his cracks in. I respect you, and though, you would die. He hits Balnor. On the first swing, cuts into him for 25 damage. Oh God, what is Balnor's HP?

59. He takes a second swing at Balnor, and he rolls a one. He whiffs big time. Balnor is what you get. Balnor does a back bend. Oh my back. You hear a crack. Does it fix it? Yeah. In your role. Oh wow. My, you know, we're all to see if his back problems are fixed forever. 19. Yeah. That's a Balnor effect. Wow. Feels like going to the old chiropractor. That's what Balnor is looking pretty robust. Yeah going to the O'Kyra Bractor. That's what Balnor is looking pretty robust. Yeah.

Balnor is gonna swing on this guy. Balnor has been kicking this dude's ass. He hits. Someone took this seriously. Uh, just be funny myself. He only does six damage, but he takes a second swing. He hits again. Wow.

It's not even a good couple turns. He does 11 damage at a time. Way to be, way to be, Bal hits again. Wow. It's not even a good couple turns. He does 11 damage at a time. Where'd it be? Where'd it be, Belnor? All right. That is back around a hard one. I'll swing my axe at the hurt guy. OK.

He is so hurt. He has no fingers. He has just cut Beverly down. He's just like really proud of himself, though. The hill giant. Yeah. Is he like incapacitated? Yeah, he's knocked the bulk out.

18 hit. 18 hit 18 hit that hits Nine damage. Uh, he is on death's door Let's see if we can bring him he's knocking on the doorway. Yeah, let's ring that 19 that hits Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're gonna be able to do one damage though. That's the question. I did another nine baby Hard one finish him. I hand my axe to Balnor the brave Balnor of the bent back Balnor takes the axe takes an opportunity attack from the other guy gets axe in the back dies

You get him down to one HP Balnor throws throwing axe, and no look throws it through his eye. And then Balnor turns, he goes, wow, wow, that worked. That's cool. You're the man, Balnor. Hey, I pretend to still be dead so I don't have to compliment it. Moody, I just see that. Balnor, enter up.

You're right. Sarah, I've been dead. Yeah, no, I'm up now, but. You've heard a ride in the bag. The first giant punches him in the stomach. Oh, he farts He's back. I was out again his back. Yeah, his back cracks I'm gonna try that's your turn. Okay, I'm a heel-yong babe. Okay Well heel train

Care wounds fuck it. Dude. Let's do it. Let's do a fourth level fourth level Your what's the fun? Long bed. I need it. You're insane and I love it Did you see me no look the hard one you saw had let's just beat chill about it Right, but if I'm doing a high level cure wounds I only add my spellcasting ability modifier. Yeah, it's 4d8 once Yeah, oh Do the d8 then that I think I might not do a fourth level That's fine Do a second level and then just do two two of them on you because then you'll oh more

Do what you got to do I Am not being picky bad 11, I'm sorry. I rolled. Bev pops back up. I'm up. That's good. I'll roll, I'll heal you next time. Okay.

And then I'm also going to throw my body in front of young Bev so that no one can come up over him. I'm going to like tortilla over him. Alright, sweet. Munchine, you're a good person. Munchine in front of Bev. Otters in front of moonshine That's true my utters are like a listen to your little listening to your little Beverly cricket Don't let anyone tell you wrong. You got a good heart

Conscious is being con today. Is it my turn? Yeah, all right. I'm done fucking around. It's time for a wrathful smite No, not a wrathful smite. It's time for a searing smite. Oh Rathful smell no not a rathful smite. It's time for a searing smite. Oh That's flames baby. Oh, and I also I also Spores him spores the guy yeah, I remember fire daddy my heart But not well enough That's an 11 okay, I think a spite you don't have to waste a spell. I think yeah Yeah, yeah, it's only if I only if I attack Let me try my second attack.

You just think of Fire Daddy for no reason. What are we doing? I'm doing well, my son. He doesn't have a Russian action. Nope. You've been talking about Russian action all day. I can't speak in character voices. I love about Russian.

I love about Russian. OK, that's going to be a 29-net. Yes, that's super hit. All right, searing to my time. Cool. I'm just wearing a T-shirt out there. It's not even cold to me. Your friends dead and all you're talking about is how it's not cold. Oh, frosty fingers. No. Whatever that guy sucked, he kicks him too. Was he really a piano player? Yeah, he's beautiful piano player.

Now, he was a rune gamer. I've watched his streams. That was a 13 damage, and then I believe the way this works is. All right, Attack deals an extra 1D6 fire damage to the target and causes the target to ignite in flames. I fucking hate the fire. Yeah, I didn't think you'd like it. So let me do that 1D6. That's a 6. He just lights on fire.

It just looks really neat. Like, you smite him. It's this grand attack, just like this burst of arcane energy. He gets hit and then like a full 10 seconds later, there's like a little ember and then, and he just starts crackling. I turn around as the flaming knights

and say, let your constant get you fried. That's a very sweet say. Oh no! I'm super dead! Oh no but my body I tortillaed around Beverly. Buddy ran forward in the attack. But I tortilla. Alright, he'll attack Balnor.

I tortilla around Balnor. He rolled the floor anyway. He missed. Look in the floor anyway. He missed. Look in the DM guide about tortilla. Yeah, Beverly's invincible right now. He can't be attacked. He hits Balnor. He's gonna fuck me.

He's gonna fuck you killer. No, no, he's not Balnor Mike enough. I had tortilla around Balnor. It's a double gorida crunch. No, everyone can't tortilla. Not everyone can got damn it. You say that until we torteer around you. Can you love it?

He fucking loves it. He's smiling. 20 damage. Palnor is on death's stoop, but he's okay. I'm just on the stoop. He's checking his male on the stoop. Spits blood out. Can't kill me, you son of a bitch.

He seems fine. He's doing fine. I heal Bev again. Move, Chin. Blow him a kiss. He's the last swing ever to take him to take me to hell with me, piece of shit. He's like, all fucked.

He's just completely fucked up. I wipe my underarm and then blow it out him like a kiss. He's so inspired. He misses his first attack. He hits with a second attack. Great. That was when he saw the, that was when he saw the

a dream blown armpit. Heck at the fury like a dad scorned. Cool. That is back up to hard one. OK, I'm going to go and swing at this giant too. Cool. I'm inspired by Palnor. Don't forget I got this amulet, by the way.

Great. If anyone needs help, I don't need it right now, but I did, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,. Along with Boundore. Oh no, it's a crowded stoop. Just Boundore spits blood on him. It's like the bloodiest sesame street. I'm gonna kick your ass, bro. Moonshot, sir. All right, I'm gonna start with my reaction and spore them. Okay. Is he dead? No.

Mother, mother. He was only on Death Stoop. Now he's at Death Stoop. All right, Bev, I will hit you up with the heels later, but I feel like we gotta try and finish this guy so I'm gonna attack him. I got you. Rosalene.

Strike, too. Ooh, got those. 17 though. That hits. Woo! I can hear that thud. I know. Bracking about how he's wearing a t-shirt

and you should get stabbed through the heart. No. You should have not worn that. Hit him for 15. Moonshine. Finish him. Alright, I would like to prop the herbivory up in his ear and say, just make him feel so bad he dies.

And then Beverly can speak as his conscience. You should have been a better person. You're absolutely right. He cuts himself in half with his axe. It's shockingly easy. Oh, he just like, He already carries. He rips apart.

He doesn't have organs. It doesn't. He's one big ham-hawk. The motion that he uses is so insane. He just has the axe in front of him and then he just uses wrist-powered spin it around. But you hear his bone snap as his wrists turn 360 degrees and he cuts himself in half and he just blobs on the ground. Wow, we should have done that for the beginning.

Yeah. I guess Bev did try. Yeah. Yeah, it was a good plan after all. All right. Just took some time. Just took some doing. How about some heal? How you feeling, Bev? I am feeling about 11. Yeah, let's get you some heal. I feel like 11 to do fine. Spits up some blood. Okay, I'm gonna do a second level heal for Bev. So that's gonna be a good day.

Here, Boundore, suck on this Abuelant. Yeah, I've just been belled over his head to the Abuelant. Okay. Bev, I just fucking maxed out on you. Wow, what do I get? So that's gonna be 15 plus 8, 23. 23, perfect.

Cool. Down to our heels up too. He's looking pretty healthy after looking at the ambulance. Oh, okay, he doesn't need anything. He could use like a regular, he could look too healthy. Like a first level? Yeah, first level, we're gonna back up.

I'll take a gandor at the ambulance. 11. Okay, he's back up to full. While you guys are kind of healing up, you hear the raspy breath of the hill giant. Oh yeah, you're here. You hear him kind of like choking. Can I grab that Samuel and show that?

Oh, good idea. Cool. I could also touch hands him. Whatever you would like. He's at like zero HP. He's super fucked up. Hard one, let me touch hands him. I you would like. He's at like zero HP. He's super fucked up. Hard one, let me touch hands him.

I feel like that's a more personal approach. Sure. Cool. How much do you want to give him? I'll give him 15. Okay. Bev, you walk over to this badly beaten giant. You see, when you see this hill giant's face,

besides the hill giant bartender, you haven't seen too many giants. You see that he's got, you's got kind of just exaggerated human features. He's just got like, you know, a big rounded red nose. He's got like big kind of droopy ears, very red face, and he's all bundled up. But his nose is broken. He's all super fucked up. You hold your hand over him.

You touch hands him. His breathing goes from raspy to and he looks up and he sees this little halfling and he goes, who are you, what are you doing here? Hello, you see he like kind of scrambles back. No, no, it's okay, it's okay. We're not friends. We just released you. We just killed your jailers. He looks over at us. We're friends with those guys either. Where are you?

Frost giants. He goes over and he just starts pissing on one. I like this. I like how you do these guys. Do the same. You're a piss on him. All right, I piss on him too. You guys are.

I'm a squad. I use one of those little like fan funnels. I was wondering what you've been keeping that for. Do you use the horn that we can use to summon spirits? Yeah. Okay, so as you guys, as you guys piss on these frost giants, this dude does not like tiny folks, but go ahead and give me a persuasion check with advantage

because you're, you're pissing on the ice. Yeah, boy. Just one person. Okay, can I do it? I rolled on that 20. Oh, shit. Did you really? Yeah. Okay. persuasion check with advantage because you're you're pissing on the boy just one person That's 20 oh shit. Did you really yeah, okay, perfect he wouldn't lie about that no one lies about a net 20 I have way too much on it She was a frost giants too did time you know fuck these guys Tastes tell the world's gonna be a lot different when we're fucking done with it man. These guys here They wanted me to sell out brother here rock, but I lied to them and I brought them out here in the tundra They wanted to know where the hill giants were where we escaped to but I fucking told them a lie I brought them out here

I was gonna let them kill me before I betrayed the cause That's metal. I take out the coin from From our dude at smuggler's Bounty. The world is full of unlikely friends. Mm-hmm-hmm-hmm. He looks at the coin and he goes, oh, from when we used to have our own cities, where'd you get older this one?

Heroic down in Smuggler's Bounty. Shurugs, not in Smuggler's Bounty. Herogg's not in Smuggler's Bounty. Herogg's climbing the mountain. He's gonna break the world. Oh, so- So, Herogg made us a really mean scorpion. Does Herogg have a son or anything? Yeah, or a- Yeah, son. No, he has a wife name, or-

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, his son's name is Rhyr Agu, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That- That's your Rhyr Agu. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, his son's name is Rugg too, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That is your rug. Yeah, he's going to be Rugg Jr. Oh, here, Jr. Here, Jr.

We are going to break the world, and then the Hill Giants will finally be on top. No more little folks, bossing us around our frost giants. That's a really pessimistic take, and I don't think you're entirely. It's a slightly nationalist, yeah. It's just like not that well.

We're gonna mix it up. God, you piss for a long time. This continues to pass. Hey, you know what I mean? Use your hands. I don't agree with your stance, and also mix it up is not a great slogan. So let's work on that first.

Yeah, I think what we really need here is a PR intervention. I would say. Brother Hiragar leader inspired us. He has the fire touch and he will lead us to greatness. The fire touch. And that's where we'll end our session. Woo!

Wow. Brother Hirag, the prodigal son. The Svartids. I can't believe it. Just trying to fire touch me. I'm not going to be aligned with the Giants. Hey, maybe we can be. I know.

I'll break the world. Maybe we chose the wrong side. Maybe we should have run into that situation and helped them destroy this house. I think this guy seems very, very possible. Now that I think about how we killed a bunch of guys and cargo shorts, I think this guy's house. It seems very, very possible. Now that I think about how we killed a bunch of guys and cargo shorts, I think we were in the wrong.

They were bad guys. All right, well, hey, don't tell us anything until we're on the short rest. I'm sorry, I don't know how to talk. I'm sorry. Whether or not violent slave-holding frost giants are bad guys. Sure.

We'll talk about that over on the short rest. Spoiler alert. patreon.com slash nad pod. It's gonna get political. Yeah. Guys, we have stuff to plug watch hot date on Netflix. I mean, I'm gonna get show by our book. It's called Hey You Up. Had to turn your booty call into your emergency contact. A theoretical relationship advice book of it written by me and Emily available on Amazon and Audible called well.

Just watch Cartoon Hell. That's all I got this week. Yeah. We all have stuff on dropout, College and Restreaming service. You go watch fantasy high with me and Emily, watch Lonely and Horny with Jake and Amir. Jake, you got anything else to plug?

Just beard oil, man. Yeah, you better leave that. You better leave that. You better leave that. You better leave that. Where could people buy that beard oil? You're the oil man. Yeah, you better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on.

You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on.

You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on.

You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on.

You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it on. You better leave it every while with it. Put in your damn salad. Are you trying to expand the real state of your beard? I genuinely do put it all over my face. That's not good. No it is. Because it's like moisturizing.

I do. Yeah, it's. I'll read you guys all about the benefits of these oils after off mic. I don't know if I was just come to the website. Can we talk about them there too? I tried to punch Jake earlier. My fist just lit right off of him.

Yeah, damn right. It did, baby. You lost it in my beard. Beard came alive, Skittle's style. Oh, you guys know those commercials anyway. That's what we're gonna end the episode on. We are, we are. Follow us on Twitter, guys.

That's CHMRIBZME.com called these called the Ladiaksword Assembly and Ad Jake Her, which is Jake and Tweet about the show using hashtag NADPod that's NADDPOD. We are we are! The youth of the nation! We are we are! Youth of the nation! It's the end of the show everybody and that means we need to shout out our benevolent council of elders. Oh the people of Bohomia thank you, you bring them to life. Starting with Matthew M. the Bullywag Prince is being married off to a lizard princess,

they're both disgusting, but luckily they both find each other extremely attractive. Yummy, Brad D. the only Pebblepod that isn't Craven. Once had to kill a spider for Denny. That spider? Charlotte from Charlotte's web. That spider is not scary. J. Loma 72 aka Steelbreaker, hard one's gymspiration, always pops his shirt off during a run even if he's in the frozen tundra.

Yeah, but if you're really strong, you rip your shirt off. So, Andrew aka Phil's Bar, Ligard in the half-elf, Felds bar, half-elf, half-super-dilligent Frostwin Guard. Andrew's parents made it a top-the-wall, and his father kept an eye out for giants the entire time. That is being diligent. Taylor Pappa VI, a legendary bard to whom no item is in an instrument, Taylor once played a song so chill, even the Frostwin Guards let their guard down.

Thirty men lost their lives that day. Dillon B is a super weak wizard who wields 12 swords, accidentally invented blade singing, juggling all those swords together, creates a kind of wind chime sound as they were in the wind. Danny P. Bohumi is resident artist, painted hard one senior portrait at the dwarf an inch. Danny painted hard one as a frost dwarf,

as a goof, but it made hard one cry. Danny felt bad, so he drew him super ripped to make up for it. Hard one just cries at the drop of a hat, you know. Tom P. Father of the Realm, the serenader of sleeping babies. Tom P.'s methods are so effective, his family slipped through the hole, go later on civil war. Things were quite different in the morning. Spencer Casper, patron elder of libations, ale maker to gods and heroes of Bohemia alike

made an IPA so aromatic that even Galad had to break his vows to have a sip. Mmm, just a nose full of hops. Pedro E. Bart of the mountain likes to take a tiny amp and just rip it on his guitar in the middle of the valley. Gets a great sound out of that thing. Griffin SD, aka the stranger, the silver dragon born Eldredd's Knight and owner of the Badger's Pine Inn and Tavern update on the Badger V Stranger case. The stranger has been arrested for the Badger's murder, but Papa believes he's been set

up. We'll give you more info as the story develops. Beardman Dan, the longest beard, Bohumia. Beardman Dan the longest bearded Bohemia. Beardman Dan's beard is so long that it crosses planes. Bev's dad tripped over it in the Fey Wild. Scott D has been to all the same cities as the band of boobs, but took the time to sample the guacamole in each. Oh yum.

Aaron C the strongest being in Bohemia for their size. Aaron however, is the size of an ant, but ants are pretty strong for their size, and Aaron's even a little stronger than them. Stronger than an ant, Hermes W. the Bat King was asked by some Northern Bat Lords for help in a military skirmish with some southern fruit bats. Hermes refused unless they bent the knee, and when the proud Northern bats didn't, Hermes took their heads, a brutal dictator. Merv, will you please introduce a giant fruit bat?

Just an honorable fruit bat? No. Oh, T. Alex, a bar to place jazz at the boo man in. Feels pretty conflict about it now that the chosen have moved into town, but those nights have a lot of coin and he just bought a condo. Parkery, a brave journalist who wrote in Exposant theala for the Glateron Times, won a Pulitzer, but was also beheaded. RJ, W, a wolf man who's been hanging out with Luna.

They say they're just friends, but I don't know, they hang out a lot. Spartus successfully used Mage Hand to pull a giant's brain out. A feat Bev could only hope to achieve. Bev is slabbering over that. Adam R, the R rated assassin. He's rated R because it says Ass twice in his nickname. And he's thinking about N the third. Adam R rated Ass Ass in.

Cassandra MHP turned into a gaseous form to escape a dungeon, but dug the freedom so much that she stayed that way. She's currently roaming the world as a gase. Must feel nice. Danielle, the Dastardly Dame. Danielle is so dastardly, they once tabletopped a teenage dwarf and threw shiden his mouth. Can you imagine anything so sinister? I can't.

You see, aka, how the frostback, MVP of the Giant Wars, Kurt and the SS Stormborn, and fought alongside Elias and Red. In fact, the two giants, the B.O.B. just fought, both had their asses kicked by Haldoor back in the day. If anyone had thought to mention him, the giants would have just run away. Oh, okay, good to know for next up. Many of the Monday, an accidental deity who got in the way of a lichest spell to reach divinity

when your meter runs out and you're sure you got a ticket but you get back to your car and you don't have one. That's Manny delaying the meter me. Daniel U, aka Multifor, the many face magician in addition to their magic show, they also put on a mean ventriloquist act. Very creepy! Jordan DJ, legendary DJ of the realm. Their bass drops are so powerful. Hard one is thinking about getting rid of all the cannons on the SS Stormborn and just blasting out Jordan sick beats from a ship to rock his enemies off course. Jeffrey S, Lord of the Fjord, born of the sword and cutter of the cord. Jeff has been thinking

about opting at him as cable package. Good on you, Jeff. Cutter of the cord. Speaking of cutter, cutter W. A high-elf-dandy turned quick-barcatect. Personally designed old cops home gym, where old cops went to do one million crunches

to get his perfect V. Lex sketched the escape artist. It's not what you think. People often commissioned Lex to do artist renderings of famous escapes. He's currently working on one where the band of boobs flee smugglers bounty. I would love to see John S. A.K.A. Schubert the mushroom. Since the band left Schubert, he has quadrupled in size. He's just as adorable, but now he's huge. Ryan M. Already proving himself to be the best pickpocket in Frostwin. It's only been a few hours since the Thieves Guild was established, but he straight up thieved with thousand

gold from the bootlickers. Alaina C, the lone party animal who continued to keep the dance floor alive even after Gemma was killed. A lot of folks said it was uncouth, but no one could deny that Alaina had some awesome though insensitive mood. A true monster, Andrew Am, the Bohumia record holder for holding his breath in the bag of holding, Andrew Biglong they call him. Love a Biglong, Ricky A.K.A.

Took you Ricky of the Cricky, Ricky inhabits the tallest stump of the Crick, so tall that other people might even call it a tree, but don't let Ricky hear that he's very sensitive. Michael McD, head mixologist at the Blumana Inn recently did the entire realm of service and outlawed Yeager bombs at his restaurant. Okay. Victor T. Boundlor's boy, whose loving dad was ripped from his family and transported to another world. He misses his dad most during the long Austrian, during the long Austrian hungry winters.

When he and his father would sit by the fireside and talk shit about the Balkans. Henry A. A Superbuff Halfling was often confused for a thin dwarf. Lance W. A fierce tabaxi that's using a ball of yarn as a mace. His opponents think it's cute, but then he strangles them with the yarn. Justin I. Beholder Optometris who specializes in oversized contact lenses. If you got big eyes, Justin I is your Justin guy. Love it. Caleb was the first dwarf to ever refer to the dimensional cleft in the frost wind mountains

as the gash. They were personally tossed off the tossed off a cliff by Morden. With good reason Clayton M a claymation Dalmatian tried out to be a winter wolf, but the cold weather made their malleable clay skin far too brittle. Too bad. TJM aka Toe Jam Mage, a super-disgusting wizard who uses Toe Lin as spell components, currently hunting Frost Giants to prepare for a 9th level incantation. The professional, the only lawyer to ever successfully beat Pop-On litigation, also the star of

the hit video game series, Pro-Po-Secutor, Professional Plossum. Oh my goodness, so cute. Jacob C. A dwarf with super long legs, they are beloved by all in the mountain for their ability to reach stuff on the top of the fridge, but they have to get all their pants custom made. Elena M. Amunque loves Monk, the TV show, currently studying the way of the Golden Globe to be more like their hero, Tony Shaloub. Gone off a city hafling whose feet tattoos

go all the way up to their head. It gets real inappropriate about halfway up too, but gone off don't care. They're gonna be a pro skateboarder when they grow up, so it's fine. McPox, the code master who created our amazing website, once part took in a dark ritual to make Clippy, the Microsoft Paperclip reel, it did not go as planned,

and McPox has the papercut scars to prove it. Ooh, future enemy for band of babes, maybe? Perhaps. Earl and Kathleen, Ella, couple of warlocks who found a loophole in the system by becoming each other's pack demons. It's a sexy or a boroughs of unlimited power, and ill-set is fucking pissed and think of it first. Dylan M. A talented executioner who kills people with a broad sword clenched firmly between

their butt cheeks, known throughout the land simply as the Bumble Beheader. Okay. Jab G. Wizard who invented the incredibly popular spell Goopy Form. It's much less useful for sneaking into places, but kids love it. Corbin A. An Arakakra who graciously donated all their feathers to the Frostbite thieves guild

so that they could have super dope banded hats in exchange. Joris stole them, the King's warmest down-ski jacket. Atleast Stormrepa has hidden journals all over Bahumia, only by finding them will you be able to uncover the secret of why they keep losing their goddamn journals all the time. Jostritch, an ostrich named Jocelyn who loves travelin' and javelins. I love both too, Cameron Mickey. The Bongo Bastard.

Next time you're trying to make a stealth check, watch out. If you roll one, Cameron's gonna pop out and go to town on their bongos right where you're standing. Eel Drake, aka the Dragonaut, a party goblin who was cursed by a cord and turned into a sentient beer keg. Sure they can't speak or move, but they never get hangovers anymore and they're always the life of the party, so it's a pretty even split. Kim and C, the T-T-flank, makes the best couple leaves in all of Bohumia.

It's so good you'll want to eat the bag, and you'd be right to! PJW tried to gash his form across the frost wind wall, but took too long. It's now permanently stuck in a barrel of oil waiting for the dwarfs to stop being so damn diligent. Damn you are probably best known from the Vihumian viral video. Damn, damn you. Not a lot of people know, but the white bands they're so famous for actually give them advantage on deception roles. Quentin J started the beloved Crick Summer tradition of 4th of Crick Lie, where you have your whole family over to your stump and set off fireworks until someone's stump catches on fire.

A beloved tradition. Josh S, the award-winning documentarian who bravely filmed and photographed what was happening in the East Crick for the film into the fog. Dom Arra, half-orc, whose other half is half-ling. They jokingly call themselves a quarter-ling, but only to mask the pain, the orcs look down on them and the half-lings are all scared of them. They just don't know where they belong. DRAGIC! Jeremy B. a goblin who is so attractive, they are constantly getting mistaken for a gnome. Logan C. invented the hot dog in Bohumia, sure we think it's really commonplace, but in Bohumia it's a freaking big deal, they even make hot dog sliders there.

Why don't they make hot dog sliders? We could learn a lot from Bohumia, Baby Doc, is the crick-smost beloved rom-com storyteller. Baby Doc spends hours by the fire weaving tails of polyamorous meat cutes and romantic orgies in the time out, Zack. Jennifer V, the owner and proprietor of the now-shuttered ice cream shop, Scoops,

which was hemorrhaging money because everyone in Bohumia was coming in and scooping then at MiniCoupin without fan. Collin G, a libertarian who believes kings have gotten too big and powerful and wants to go back to a simpler time when power resided more locally with the feudal overlords. Sure, Matt H, lead guitar and vocals for the Bohumi and Jam Band Slider party. Matt H. has super high constitution, which lets them jam for hours without needing a break.

Jacob J.O. Wizard who's going through a warlock phase because their parents are getting divorced. Destin C. Joe the praying mantis is most trusted advisor. As the most popular praying mantis at the creek, Joe has a lot of responsibilities. Heavy is the head that wears the crown. But Joe wouldn't be able to get through his day without the advice of Destin C. There'd be a dangerous mind-style teacher who's been taking on Bohumi's greatest foe

one student at a time, illiteracy. It hasn't gotten around to the band of boobs yet. Nicholas R. the Elk then impregnated the pregnant Elk moonshine wild shaped endo. Yum, Jack W. On's a very chic chain of ins called the W in there are the only ins across Bohumia that each come with an Olympic-sized swimming pool John W. G. is a theatrical bard who got all the other Barts together and started bag the bar to actors killed they have great health care and decent over time rates Aaron Kay.

I love all these mundane ones. Aaron Kay, the mortal who once worked at a Mexican restaurant and was so good at making table-side guac, the eldritch gods stole them away for their poolside cabana. Aaron Kay is so skilled at table-side guac they can chop an onion without shedding a tear. It does send them into fits of laughter though. Michael L, neither a frost giant nor a hill giant. Michael L is instead a meadow giant. They are huge, buff and so peaceful.

Meadow giants are beefy pacifists who much prefer to flex their impressive feziaks on some devil sticks or a hacky sack. And finally, Sam H, an ent that is also a treehouse so you can literally live in your best friend live in your best friend and you're all my best friends and I want to live in you Thank you guys so much for listening. Thank you to all of our Patreon subscribers and our council of elders catch us over on the Patreon for the short rest and next week for the heart side and next week for the heart side chats episode. We'll catch you guys next time.