Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 41: Attack at the Tower (The Frostwind Chapter)

Episode Date: November 29, 2018

The Band of Boobs are caught between the Winter Wolves and an army of Giants! Beverly enters the Hill Giant psyche, Hardwon gets caught up in a dick-measuring contest, and Moonshine goes 1 v 2 against some big nasties. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music / Sound Effects Include:"Crackling Fire" by sagetyrtle at Freesound.org."Gypsy Violin Variation" by Howard Geisel at Freesound.org."Tundra Trudge" by Emily Axford. "The Valley of the Frigid Death" by Emily Axford. "Tower of the Winter Wolves" by Emily Axford. "A Giant Among Men" by Emily Axford. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a Headgun Podcast. Hey everybody, it's Emily here to talk to you about Adam and Eve. Who wants better sex? And who wants to start having better sex immediately? The best way to level up your sex game is to go to Adamaneeve.com right now. Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item. Plus free shipping, which includes rush shipping. More than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy.

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so be sure to use the code PAPA to get your discount 100% free shipping and get it fast with brush processing. Code PAAW-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, Sweeties. [♪ Music playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing knew? I'm your dungeon master, Ryan Murphy, joined by Jake Herwitz. Hard one, shirt foot. Emily Axford. Moon Shines Saban, the gaseous less. That is a double entendre because I cast gaseous form, but also I am gash bound. Oh, gashward bound, yeah.

I think you're going to say because maybe Papa's gassy. And I'm flush with gas. And called old Tanner. Beverly Togo, the fifth, the hottest boy in the frigid north. Ooh, yeah. In up, that's right. I'm just always running at a steady 101 degrees. Boundle runs hot too.

We established that. Yeah, we can rock short. Oh, he's a furtis. Yeah. Yeah, Boundal or Sleek's hot. Oh, he's a furnace. Yeah. Wait, a furnace? What's a furnace? A furnace.

Oh, a furnace. I thought that it was like, you said furnace. And I thought it was like a fur person. That's not a furnace. I wanted to know more. He's a furtive furnace. Oh, he's a pervert. Yeah.

Fertis is an NPC that you guys met in Moonstone. That's a really good D&D name. Fertis. Fertis, guys, I'm pregnant. Fertis Lombardicus. I mean, the green teens, I didn't come to the Jan Bering, is that cool? Oh, it's very cool, Fertis.

I stayed home. Fertis went to the tackle shop and just stayed there. Fertis Lombard. I did or invited it. I went fishing instead of going out on the boat. All right right guys, let's do a little recap and get into it So last week you guys snuck out a frost wind and over the city wall with hard one in gaseous form Holding the rest of you in the bag of holding you had to stop atop the wall to take a breath when a goof by bev Alerted the guards to your presence

a breath when a goof by bev alerted the guards to your presence. You were, however, able to reach the bottom of the wall and hide in the snow until the guards were called off. You know, I didn't mind the goof. I didn't mind the goof because it was just a chance to hear more from those cute dwarfs. You guys have such what those views on how much frost wind rules are sucked. I think frost wind is a duality. Emily loves it, JK's it, called, well, thinks it's fine. JK's it's awesome, hard one hits it. Oh, got it. You then lost him, guy.

Yeah, I don't know if moonshine loves that as much as Emily does. You then wandered off into the tundra in search of the first tower, a hunting lodge, slash guard tower that houses winter wolves. Moonshine turned into a pregnant elk and led the way. Though one of her survival checks was quite subpar, so you're not sure if you're totally on the right track. You guys then encountered two frost giants beating a chained hill giant and jumped in to help after a goof filled battle that almost resulted in your deaths,

you managed to defeat the Frosties and revive the injured Hill Giant who explained that many of his compatriots had escaped slavery under the Frost Giants. He said the Hill Giant Rebel Leader, brother Hirag, had a newly attained ability called the Fire Touch and was going to break the world with the King's hammer and that's where we are now. You guys and this Hill Giant have just finished pissing on the corpses of these

Frost Giants. You're in the middle of the open Tundra and you're here with this big dumb guy who just went on this long rant about Brother Heroog. Long live Heroog, Jr. Heroog, the second. I predator handshake him. He has a huge hand. He doesn't know his own strength. He just like kind of scoops your head. Arrow handsheaks. Do I perceive any like apprehensiveness

or any holding back in hard ones predator handshake? Am I like, oh, that's not like a fully committed one? Hard one, how do you feel about that predator handshake? I'm trying to doop this guy into trusting us to tell him, so he will tell us where we can find Herog. Okay. So I wink at moonshine. Okay.

Okay, go ahead and give me a deception check on this guy. Oh, wait, and then we don't have in the door for a deception check? 13 13. He's not smart He goes you know for little folks you guys are actually pretty cool. Yeah, yeah, I hate doors you guys aren't dwarves right? No way you guys fight doors. We have a lot. Yeah, I actually I hate the frost twin doors Maybe as much as you do. Yeah, they kicked me out of a bar for no fucking reason Their princess a weener. Do you know that right? Fucking dead man is he

What happened? You didn't know I was gonna kill that mother This guy's so fucking stupid how many sources do you have for the information? You know, the Hill Giants, once we had our rebellion and a bunch of us escaped, you know, I ended up getting caught again, but the other guys, they had a real run with it. And uh, brother Hirag, he talks to this dude, who fucking rules, who, who set us up so that we would know where this pale prince punk was gonna be and then a bunch of those guys and again I wasn't there because I got caught again I like ran for it and

I just wasn't fast enough that I freaking tripped I beefed it hard and these guys just came out and they kicked my ass to put me back and they said they said you talk to those guys right you knew where they were going and I said yeah I know where they're going and then I took them here and then they kicked my ass then you guys helped me and then I pissed on them So who's stupid now? Yeah, where are those guys? Let's take you to meet up with them. Oh, yeah, let's all go We're going to the mountain. We're going to Mount Forge. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's where the that's where the crack is. Yeah, we're gonna punch the freaking gas. Yeah, the gas. You gotta watch the gas. Yeah, you gotta do that Beverly. You're grounded. We see any tours along the way. We'll kick the rashes. Wait

for a while. Who killed Colday? She's your organ gonna know those guys. Okay. Cool. Who told them to kill Coldain? The freaking guy who gave Sheurog the Fire powers. He has Fire powers now? Yeah. Damn. Got that feeling about that guy. That's good, especially when your enemies are frost giants.

Damn, this guy's got to figure it out. Yeah. Do you know what that guy looks like? Well, oh, I didn't see him him all right, but I heard about him I mean I'm not a pretty cut. I heard I'm not a betting woman, but I think I'm a bet on your side, huh? Yeah Seems like y'all are the winning team win win win win you guys plan on whacking the gash They're not trying to whack the gash right now They're trying to climb it. Yeah,, hey, they better not do it without us.

It's true to us. Yeah, I heard it's like a pinata. The more you whack it, the more fun stuff comes out. Hey, all right. So, we're friends now. We're all going to whack the gas together. Let's get tattooed. What if we thwack it?

I'd be down to thwack it. I'll thwack the gas. Yeah. Can we smush it? Um, no. OK. Fair enough. You attacked, whacked, or thwack. The, no. Okay. There are no tag black or fine. The first time you wasn't agreeable. It's a good falling, you know.

All right, let's lead the way, sir. What's your name? My name's Huey. A lot of H names up here, huh? I like the name. We ransacked these frost giants for some cold weather stuff. What's in those giant cargo pockets? There's gotta be a cool stuff in the giant cargo pockets.

There's gotta be a ton of stuff in there. Maybe a very big berry, like a basketball-sized berry. We should have looked before you guys pissed on them. No, now it's purified. I didn't even think of it. My hand is already like deep in a pocket. You guys go through their stuff and you see, you know, these guys are wearing patchwork armor. They do not have any like awesome stuff. They have giant axes that would be impossible to wield, but in their pockets and stuff, they just have, they have more shackles and chokers and things you would put around somebody's neck.

Y'all do think there's anything to the idea that we put these little shackles around their neck and drag them in with us? Well, I don't think we'll be doing any dragging. All right, how to throw it in there. Could we put their giant axe in our bag of holding? Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, we do that. It's awesome. Cool. You throw a big giant axe, it weighs 50 pounds. If you want to drag one of these giant's, maybe we could ask this other giant. You, yeah. To help us.

Yeah, I'm not trying to think of it as like a diplomatic move, but usually whenever I make a diplomatic move, it back fires terribly, so what's not even tried? Can we roll preemptively Yeah, where are we going? I don't know where the fuck we are. Oh, you don't know where the gashes? We can't see melt for it. Yeah, I see it There's the gash over there. I guess we walk over there. You see it just like blowing wind everywhere.

You see something like vague purple in this guy. We probably need to rest, maybe some kind of log. Yeah, the hunting lodge nearby, hopefully, right? We were headed with a giant though. Right. Presumably. Presumably. Hey, how good are you on making camp?

Oh, he's dead. Presumably, presumably, hey, how good are you a making camp? Oh, he's dead. Usually we sleep in the stronghold the frost giant stronghold. We could try to find a cave or something How do you feel about sleeping under like a garage or like in a stable next to a very warm cabin that we're gonna be sleeping in. Oh yeah. No, that sounds fricking awesome. All right, all right. We got ourselves a plan. All right, we're gonna have to try. How do you feel about sleeping in a big pile of dogs? My little sleeping and shit man, that's fine with me.

Okay, so we're gonna try and go to the Hunter's Lodge. All right, yep. If people are there, maybe we don't go, but we'll see. So you guys, we can walk in, go ahead and give me a survival check. Back on the All Grind. 26. 26, very good. Back on them good rolls.

Yeah. So once again, Balenoers looking at the map, I know you can't read. So that figure we can feel. Yeah, but I can feel. But you can feel. Right. Can I be the compass companion?

Sure. Yeah, Bev, you've got your compass out. You guys know that you guys are kind of heading northwest. So you're able to follow the compass companion? Sure, yeah, Bev, you've got your compass out. You guys know that you guys are kind of heading northwest. So you're able to follow the compass, Boundoors reading the map, and moonshine's kind of leading the way. Everybody give me constitution saving throws as you're out in the cold.

Mm-hmm. Nat one. Uh-oh. One. Uh-oh. You're just gonna take full damage, just not. Did you add the plus four to it?

25. I mean, technically it'd be seven, but... Mochine, you take 16 damage? Okay. I gotta, uh, uh, wait, no, 18. 18, okay, you take half. So, eight. Eight.

Eight for the people who take half. Uh, go ahead and give me an encounter roll, Jake. Goddamn, I just gotta pit in my stomach. 13. You guys can choose. Can I take the moment to get myself a cure wounds? Yeah, go for it. This is a fucking hard walk.

This is the most kind of survivalist thing you guys have had to do. Maybe I am a summer dwarf. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mochane, give me another survival check. Ooh. 23.

Okay, great. You continue along the way, Bev reading of his compass and Boundore reading the map. This big dude, Hughie's just gone, this is fun hanging out with friends, guys, huh? Yeah. Yeah. Hey, what is your guys' names? I'm, I'm Jaina.

Hi Jaina. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Your name's like Bojaina, this fucking hilarious. China Your name's like vagina this fucking hilarious. It's a common quick name. Yeah, I have a giant name actually I'm whenus It sounds like penis you fucking idiot So you don't do what your name penis

Hey, you want some ritzpitz? Yeah, open your mouth. He opens his mouth. I toss some Ritzpitz in there. Bounder never lied about his name. My name is Bounder. Oh, come on, man. What? You've been doing dramatic pause.

You guys walk for the full 10 miles in the deep snow. Crunch crunch, and you guys still do not quite see. What? The tower. Everybody suffers one level of exhaustion. Mm. You guys now have disadvantage on checks. Exhausted in a tundra.

I mean, should we just like make up camp or something like that? Like we're having like exhaustion? Hanzo low inside the inside of the giant. Yeah inside the tahton. Yeah, I think so. We got I say yeah you go you go first. I want to pray to Polora and see if he has any insight on whether or not he should- I'll pray to Polora too, I know.

Yeah, let's do like, we'll do it. Do we get disadvantaged when we pray to our gods? I know. Do you wanna do a pray off? Okay, let's pray off. I'll pray to a cord. There's a storm out there. I rolled a bun.

I rolled a two. I got a 17. But I get plus three, so five. Okay. I know you're busy and you don't really like being bothered, but uh, is it okay if I kill this giant and sleep in his corpse? You guys pray to your gods in the middle of this tundra, extremely exhausted at the edge of the world, and you don't hear a response back from any of your deities, but you do hear Huey go,

come on, King, let's go. We're gonna break the world, right, bros? That's the gods, right? That's the gods speaking through Huey. It sounds like chord to me. It does seem pretty jazzed about breaking the world. All right, attack them. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha. We will never speak of this. No, I make the first Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha We know exactly how much HP doesn't have very much. Yeah, 25. Ben hits. I'm gonna hope that he dies before it gets around to my turn to attack. 13. 13. He's on Death's door. I'm gonna choose not to spore him. Because I want to be the one to kill him.

You stab him and he's so hurt. What? Why? Everybody roll initiative. He did what? He wanted to end the the world like his mission was to end the world I rolled a one Okay, I got 11 hard one the first You know YouTube penis

I know you know you two penis He is what did you call me don't you penis I roll the one? You get emotional You swing wildly You can't do it. I know you can't take my second attack come on one you can't do it That's 20 20 that hits Yes, two H.B. Okay

I I tell harbour to look away and I take the bag of holding and I put it over his head He starts to he pushes back against it for a while like He keeps moving and struggling until finally his body just goes stiff and he claps on the ground. Tell her, forgive us. This is so fucking stupid. This is by far the worst thing we've ever done. It's the dark champ. It was a goddamn murder. We killed an unmeritor.

We killed an impartial god I mean yeah do you feel like we should just try and find the hunter's watch I got a second win filled inspired I yeah I guess I'm gonna eat some giant flesh Jesus no wait let's try to let's let's uh we can let's take a short rest inside the giant try to recover our's, let's take a short rest inside the giant. Try to recover our exhaust. Hey, there's no use crying over spilt elk milk.

Ah! Taking a short rest in the giant is so funny and fucking disgusting that I'm gonna allow it to cure your exhaustion. Yeah! Even though I believe you need a long rest to do it, but can I sell strength? Yes, you guys take, you guys take a quick short rest inside We're not even giving this giant the dignity of a full night sleep the boundar boundar just gets in there and just saw them open he's like a Like a dad squash and a spider for mom

Kids stand back you shouldn't have to look at this. He just like carves him open all the guts spill out Thank you boundarard bowler gets inside. Oh He's out on the inside right huh? Is that a reference? You guys have been bowler have you guys seen that wait? He looks off in the distance the Empire strikes back Okay, so you guys go ahead and take your short rest. He'll love I was it philich I

Didn't need to do this. Hard one. His eyes are wide open as you sleep inside of them and they're just looking at you. I can't take a short rest guys. Bound or instantly falls asleep. It was too easy. So I'll say you guys have cured your exhaustion inside of this giant. This was dark.

This is like waking up after a one night stand. What did we do last night? Get believe we just found this corpse out in the middle of the wilderness. Can we boil some water and take a quick sponge bath? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Can I like produce flame? Sure. Just like meat. Melt some snow. Oh, let's take a little hot tub.

Yeah. Oh, turn the giant into a hot tub. Can we carve open his skull and make it a hot tub? His head's not bad, man. You could make a foot bath. Okay. We can. Gold. Balloon needs bath. Okay, we need a foot bath. Gold, Belor needs that. Yeah, puts some, my corns are hurting. Yeah, let's get some epsom salt in there for you, bud.

All right, so go ahead and roll a survival check. Not with disadvantage. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Moonshine reinvigorated after helping murder this dude and sleeping inside of his body for a quick nap. Just scrupping it as murder makes it so nervous. Just a quick quick couple hours. It isn't it was. It was justified. But finally as the sun begins to set you guys finally write, and you can see the first tower. There's this massive fire atop it,

like a beacon for the weary, winter wolves, the Rangers. It's this big stone tower. You can see through the little windows and arrow slits that there are torches and fires lit inside. And are you guys kind of approaching? Or are you guys saying it was a winter wolf tower? You guys know it to be one from the map. Okay, cool.

Unless somebody else is in there. Are we still by the giant? No, no, no, no, this is blocked. We blocked, okay. Yeah. So you don't feel like we kind of gave him like a worthy death, you know? Cause like if we had brought him to this lodge,

they probably would have killed him. Yeah, I was just thinking, You know, because like if we had brought him to this lodge, they probably would have killed him. Yeah, I was just thinking, I wish we like brought his head or something, like something to prove our... I can say you've done, you did that. If you would like to have done that. Great, I would have liked to have done that. You have a giant head with a dragon, a giant head along.

So I've got a glad set and this giant head dragging on the snow behind me. I've got quite a collection going there, bud. You thought you were cool when you were a teeth. I got full sets of them. I'm wearing those teeth though, I'd jangle them around. It looks good. It looks awesome.

So are you guys approaching the tower? Yeah. Okay, just go straight on. I think yeah, let's just like say, we know their plan. So as you guys get closer from afar, you were able to see the giant torch up top, just this giant bonfire, this beacon. You guys get closer to the tower.

You see that out in front. There are pens of rams and wolves, separate of course, otherwise wolves. Might need those little rams. That's probably one of those wolves. Yeah, a ram stuff. That's true. And if you needed to take the one of the rams. Yeah, that's probably one of those wolves. Yeah, a ram stuff. That's true. And if you needed to take one of the rams across the river, you would need to make sure that

you kept them separate on the boat. Correct. You do see various fires around and you see winter wolves sitting around them. None of them have the head dresses and actually everybody go ahead and give me an inside check. Oh shit. That's a natural 20. That's a nat 20. Yeah.

Thank God because I'll take it. I got a nat 3. I got a nat 3. You look like a high five. Nat 3. Okay, you guys are peeing again. You got a nat 3. Bev, you look at these guys and you can tell that these are some new,

but ass winter wolves. They look like kind of nervous and young. Are these some rosy-cheeked frost-winded dwarves? These are autumn pups. Autumn pups. These are fall fightos. Are you guys being self-hearing or anything or are you just walking right up?

Like we're being cautious, but. What if we're being like kind of like, what if we're like putting on a disguise, but it's not to hide? Okay, like we're putting it on an air. You guys were just like walking up like you belong. Yeah, cool. You guys walk out like we've been there before.

And you see that there are some, there is community beyond the wall. There are some of these winter wolves guys sitting around fires outside. One of them was eating like a drumstick near the fire and he drops it and wipes the sauce on his hands and then walks up to you guys. He goes, what are you doing?

So this is Winter Wolf Tower. You're not even dwarves. What are you doing? We're doing your fucking job for you. I throw the giant head. You throw a giant head. He catches it. Thomas sent us.

Alpha Wolf sent you. Yeah, we're friends with her in Oscar. Yeah, I can say, tell him on her dog. Go ahead and give me a deception check with advantage. Deception or persuasion? Either one. Okay, it's eight plus seven for persuasion, so 15. Okay, good enough for this noob.

Ha ha, he looks at it and he goes, I'm kinda new here. I don't know to, I've never really talked to Tomas my first time out on the ranging mission. Good rats. But you should go and you should talk to Ernim. Ernim? You should talk to Ernim. Well, you should probably introduce us.

We can't just walk up to Ernim. Yeah. You know that. Oh, yes, you're right. That would be so stupid. Yeah, well now I want to show you for real long probably introduce us. We can't just walk up to earn up. Yes, you're right. That would be so stupid. Yeah, well now I want you to hurry along and introduce us. Oh, you're right. Yes, sir. Oh, hey, take this with you.

I give him a Chlorox dainstick. Oh, thank you so much. He did it all over again. Please introduce me as the Fungal Queen. Yes, sir, Ms. Fungal Queen. And we would introduce me as the captain of the SS Stormboard. Captain of the SS Stormboard. And I'm penis. And penis.

I love you. Okay. I'll take you inside, right the way. And you see this newbie guy leads you guys into the tower. You see a lot of these guys are kind of giving you the side eye, like kind of confused, not quite knowing what's going on. They probably think I'm a giant. eye, like kind of confused, not quite knowing what's going on.

They probably think I'm a giant. Nope, just six foot six, everybody. He'll giant. Not quite. Tiny, he'll giant. Real close though. So tiny. Not tiny.

They're tiny giant. Tiny giant. Tiny giant. Who's that tiny giant? He's running in. He's a giant, but he's tiny. Bite it down. So you walk into the tower with this newbie guy.

You see this kind of a watch tower meets hunting lodge. There's burning of brazeers, lighting and warming the room. There are peltzer various animals on the ground and lining the walls. White tabards on the walls with wolf insignias on them, and various weapons stored on racks, hung about. You see a spiral staircase in the corner. This room also serves as a sort of mess hall.

There are a bunch of long wooden tables with some weary looking young winter wolves sitting around them, quietly eating stews and meats. And you see the young dwarf brings you over to this one guy, the only one with a full wolf headdress. He's an ugly, grizzled dude with a giant axe wound across his face. A big part of his nose is ripped off and he's just got two little slits there. And he's just sipping some soup out of the bowl.

You see the young dwarf walks up to him and goes, oh, uh, sir, she's done fucking eating here, man. What the fuck are you doing? They get a, oh, and he looks up at you guys and he goes, now what the fuck are you doing outside the wall? We're trying to stop the giants from thwackin' the gash. Uh, he gives you a side eye. What do you know about the gash?

What do I know about the gash? What do you know about the gash? I just killed somebody who's trying to thwack it. While you're in here drinking soup, you summer dwarves. Do you get, oh. while you're in here drinking soup, you subreddorbed. Do you get, oh. Oh. You see, you hear just like a hushed quiet

around the room. He called him somador. I've got a somador. I got him rolling it. Go ahead and roll and intimidate check, I guess. Okay. Winshine. While he's rolling,

I wanna like reach into your cloak and pull out some spices I think would be good for his soup. Do it up. 16? 16. This man is not easily intimidated. You see the whole room gets kind of quiet as you say that to him. And he stands up and he goes,

Do you want to see who is real summer dwarf? Oh, 16 wasn't good enough, was it? Who is it? I wanna see who can stop the giants from thwackin' the gash. I'm not trying to swing our dicks around. We all know who has a bigger one. Yeah, it's me.

I have a very big dick for a dwarf, maybe. Oh, interesting. Yeah, y'all never seen a human dick? Holy grow. All right, I don't talk enough too much. Okay. Lift it out. Dig it out.

It's all come to this. Hard one, only for the size of his dick, hasn't it? Wait, can I, can I cast in hands of Billy? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, you can. Wait, oh, minor illusion. Yeah, minor illusion. There's never been a role that I was more willing to use

a luck point on, and I'm including the one where my girlfriend died. Does he get to, does he add anything to it because Enhanced Ability, I need to decide what I'm adding to. Is it like dexterity or colescoma? Constitution. Constitution. Yeah, so that's probably gonna be both strength

or bears endurance, I bet. Okay. It's a goddamn 22. 22. Oh. Okay. Do I have a bigger dick than that one? What do you want?

Do you do anything? Yeah, I do minor illusion. Okay, you do minor illusion. I'd like the record to show that I didn't need it. The illusion, hey, nerf, yeah. The illusion is anything but minor. Okay. Okay.

Hard one pulls out his illusion's dick. Boogie night style. Look away, does he? He's like, hey, you see? This dude also whips out his dick. He has like a freaking ten inch flasket hog He looks at you're like insane minor illusion like 14 inch day goes

And you see he He knots his penis back Yeah, what gonna say man when you beat your beat You got a nice dick starting to like frost when I For some time I think I'm here. I For some turmeric and give me soup. Oh, what is this? God, I think you're gonna like it. It's good for your constitution. Yeah, it's good for it. It'll add an inch general It'll wait. We'll resist It'll weigh well, Rick.

It'll weigh well, Rick. It'll weigh well, Rick. It'll weigh well, Rick. It'll weigh well, Rick. It'll weigh well, Rick. It'll weigh well, Rick. It'll weigh well, Rick. It'll weigh well, Rick.

It'll weigh well, Rick. It'll weigh well, Rick. It'll weigh well, Rick. It'll weigh well, Rick. It'll weigh well, Rick. It'll weigh well, Rick. It'll weigh well, Rick. It'll weigh well, Rick.

It'll weigh well, Rick. It'll weigh well, Rick. It'll weigh well, Rick. It'll weigh well, Rick. It'll weigh well, Rick. It'll weigh well, Rick. It'll weigh well, Rick. It'll weigh well, Rick. It'll weigh well, Rick. It'll weigh well, Rick. It'll weigh well, Rick. It'll weigh well, Rick. It'll weigh well, Rick. It'll weigh well, Rick. It'll weigh well, Rick. It'll weigh well, Rick. It'll weigh well, Rick. you here? You're not the winner wolves. We know that the giants have the God hammer and they're planning on using it. We don't have time to waste. Y'all know that, right? Or is this new information to you? No, I know about the King's hammer. What do you know about? What do you know? What do you know? Outside there's no about the King's hammer. What do you know about this? We know that the giants have it and they want to

thwack the gash and bring about the end of the world. They want to thwack the gash. You know what I'm talking about. Yeah, they want to want the whole. They want to want the world. They want to ring the world's bell. Possibly ring the world's bell that's not to be good. ring the world's bell that's not to be good. Suddenly you guys hear a horn Blair and you see a French horn yeah just here a French horn playing the entertainer. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. The bell is wrong.

I just totally slapped my knee and rhythm. You hear just a regular old sounding the horn. You hear the horn go off once and you see all the rangers, all the men snap to attention. And then it blows again. And you see, Ernim looks like kind of concerned and then you hear it blows again. And then concerned, and then you hear it blows again. And then it blows again.

And then it blows again. He looks up at you guys, he goes, when the blow for each giant, fuck me. And you hear the horn keeps blowing, and he takes off, and he runs up the spiral staircase. That damn, it's fucking herog. It's someone. And he has cronies.

Yeah, and they're mad that we slept in their friend last night. That damn is fucking hero. It's someone. It's been his cronies. Yeah, and they're mad that we slept in their friend last night. Don't remind me. Can we all rewrite history and pretend like we didn't do that? Oh, that's a pretty cool order. Yeah. You see these other guys at the table, grab weapons, grab their hammers, grab crossbows,

and start running outside the tower. Do you guys go up the stairs? You go outside? What do you guys do? Let's go up the tower, right? Yeah, I guess up the tower. Do you guys go up the stairs? You go outside, what do you guys do? Let's go up the tower, right? Yeah, I guess up the tower. Cool. You guys run up the tower. You see that there's another level that has like bunks

and such, but there are also little platforms and arrows slits. You see that there are several rangers standing at them with crossbows drawn, but you see Ernam is ahead running up towards the roof. I think you, I'm going to keep on going. Okay, so you guys, Ernum is ahead running up towards the roof. I think you, I'm gonna keep on going. Okay, yeah, you guys, you guys, you guys follow Ernum up to the roof, you get up there,

there's this giant blazing fire crackling, it is hottest fuck up here. There's one look out up here, this young guy who's got the horn in his mouth, has just blown it one more time, he's blown it like nine times, very bad. Good cheeks. And he's looking through this retractable little

metal telescope thing, very steampunk looking. Cool, this is like Mad Maxi. Yeah, and you see Ernem runs over and he kind of pushes him and he goes, give me that, do you fucking idiot? And he looks through it and he goes, Hill Giants, and they're riding mammoths. He lowers the eyepiece and you guys look out in the distance and you see about 10 of these giant figures emerge.

Two of them riding mammoths that are charging towards the tower and earn and begin shouting orders. Everyone jumps up in action. He frantically grabs you guys and he goes, you guys want to share a fucking fire tonight. You guys gotta fucking help defend it. If there's still a tower after tonight, you are welcome to stay here. Okay, I guess we can do a war. You guys got time for a war? Yeah, I can do that.

I don't love this necessarily a war. There's 10 of them. I mean, we could still die. It's a battle. It's a skirmish. Sully a skirmish. Yeah. Let's skirmish. All right of them. I mean we could still die. It's the battle. It's a skirmish Sully a skirmish Yeah, let's skirmish. All right. Yeah skirmish. All right. Let's tuck in all right Fuckers. I love you. He kisses you on the cheek. Fuck you. I go in the you I go into fungal form And rage let's start off there right you guys rush down the stairs You pass this second level of guys who all start to let loose their crossbows and fire at these Hill Giants You guys run down to the first level you guys get out in front in front of the tower

You see that all of these Rangers look super nervous like these are super Noobies and there's just a fucking mammoth Charging towards them and charging the tower and you see Ernim turns to all of them and he goes Put on the god damn brave face because when you die and you're frozen in the ice that will be the last thing And they won't remember you for put on the brave face you fuckers and also if you try and whisper in their ear it won't work Yes, don't If you try and whisper in their ear, it won't work. Yes, don't, I just, yeah, don't do that either. I'm happy for the inner ears.

Don't fucking do that. Yeah, don't mess with their inner ears. You guys see this one mammoth and this hill giant charge forward. You see Ernim runs at it with a bunch of rangers at his side. They're shooting crossbows. You see it was like trampling forward. It like bashes in Ernim. You see him fly back into the snow.

He tramples a couple other guys, you see like fully crushes one dude's head, and then starts swinging down, urnum gets up after being knocked down and they start going at it, and you guys see another mammoth heading towards you guys and a group of rangers, and some other hill giants behind him,

go ahead and roll initiative. All right. Oh, that's 22. Shout out to the two crew. So hard one. You guys have and you're immediate vicinity. One mammoth charging at you with a hill giant on it, and two guys kind of running behind it, trailing them.

All hill giants, all these bundled up dudes. I guess I'm gonna, am I close enough to swing at them with my hands? Yeah, you could like run towards them certainly. All right, cool. I am going to attack the mammoth. Okay. Save the big one for me.

Okay. I'm gonna swing my axe right at the mammoth skull. Wait, the mammoth didn't do anything. Yeah, exactly. That argument's not gonna work on us today. 14. 14 hits. The mammoth, all right. It's just a big elephant. Cool. Oh, I'm worried about it. It looks 14. 14 hits. The man, all right.

It's just a big elephant. Cool. Oh, I'm worried about it. It looks at you so. Time come and dear him. So intelligent. Oh, yeah, I feel kind of bad. I just wanted to like, AOMARE this thing

and like have, have been buffed as riders. I have a say with this thing. Murf, can this mammoth paint? Uh, no. Like if you put a paint brush in, it's trunk would it be able to paint a little picture? If you'd like to use an action to do that, yeah. Twelve damage on the wise mammoth with the lemon memory.

He'll remember that forever. You slash into this mammoth. You see there's a baby mammoth in the background and it just lets out a sad sound. Does this mammoth bucket's rider? No. I guess I'll tack it again then. Okay, go for it. 22. That's, yeah. Yeah, I guess I'll tack it again. 22. Yeah, I did. Of course.

15. You slash into this mammoth still looking very healthy. Just big, wise, kind of ancient creature. I endangered fully regret attacking the mammoth. I'd like to apologize to everyone listening. That's Mochester. I want to do one of those aerial cartwheels. You know where you do a cartwheel. No. A bright lip, flip. Those are called flips.

OK, you do a flip. Continue. I know. That's it. Full flip. You do pass the rest of my turn. OK. What's the thing where you put one foot and then I passed the rest of my turn. Okay. What's that thing where you like put one foot

and then you put the other foot after it? Okay. Munchang, you flip. Go on. And then I'm just gonna attack one of the giants. Okay, one of the ones that's not on the mammoth. Right. Okay, cool.

I feel so bad about the mammoth. Ooh! 25 gonna hit. 25 is gonna hit. Yes. 21 hell yeah, 21 damage. Nice. And now we'll follow up with 12 spores. Oh shit, you're in foggle form, right? Yeah. My God. That's a fun amount of spores. Yeah.

And hopefully when I'm sporing him, I'm being real sloppy with it to try and get some spores out in this tundra Off to that, ma'am. Yeah, this man with this charging forward you guys run right back at him hard one Brutally attacks this majestic creature a moonshine go Once again, he hates animals Jake the person hates animals. I killed so many horses Jake the person hates animals. I killed so many horses. Moonshan runs forward in her fungal form. That was an aerial.

Strikes out one of the hill giants to the side and it spores him. And then that is- Can I use my bonus action to do an aerial? You want an aerial? Yes. Another one. Back to where you were before.

Cool. So the giant you're like, we're going to flip. The mammoth is going to continue to go forward towards like the tower. So you can get an opportunity attack on him if you wanna attack him, you sick fuck. The mammoth.

The mammoth, yeah, it's his turn. Yeah, okay. You wanna attack the mammoth. You can always attack to not kill. Yeah, I know. I attack the man. You can always attack to not kill. Yeah, I know I crit on the man Yeah, I rolled the 19 you know that many of these left man. Oh God I rolled a fucking 12 on the first roll

10 it's good. He's not a good guy 32 32 30 38 hard one mammoths have enough emotional intelligence to decide whether or not He's not a good guy. 32. 32, Jesus. No, I know it. 32, 38. Hard one, mammoths have enough emotional intelligence to decide whether or not they want to be evil. That is true, the more intelligent they are, the more autonomous they are. That's true.

They complicit they are. Thanks, save it for our campfire tonight, right? Are we sleeping a giant again? We're sleeping in the man with the map. The mammoth charges forward, pass hard one, and full charge is gonna gore balnor. No, balgor and hits. Jesus.

Balor, he used the amulet. Yeah, and he had a short rest. He's at full. Our dad's looking strong. He's just got gored by a fucking mammoth. He takes 22 damage. Okay, still standing. Still up. Final ball, nor still standing.

I'm still still, and he's going to make a strength check and he fails. He gets knocked under the mammoth and then the mammoth takes a stomp. He's trampled? Yeah. He has advantage when he does. And everybody may be full of that for killing the mammoth for trying to. And the mammoth crits a stomp on Boundor.

Bum-bum-bum. Crits on a stomp. Jesus Christ. 45 damage to Boundor. You see this? This mammoth charges forward, goes Boundor or you see a horn that like pierces his abdomen Oh, and he goes oh someone already said balgore, right? Yeah, we got it. He got balgore He gets tossed down onto the ground and then this thing goes over and

Stomps him into the snow and you just see Bound or Pukes up some blood does he look like Wayne Knight in Space Jam? No, he looks like he's gonna die. Oh fuck, it's not cute. Not cute. And that is, no, that is the Giants turn. So then that giant is going to, what is that giant gonna do?

I mean, he's not gonna get off his mammoth, the balanor is right there, he's gonna hit balanor while he's down. Oh god damn it! And he just cracks his club down onto balanor, balanor one failed saving throw. He takes a second swing down on balanor, throw. He takes a second swing down on Balnor. He rolls with advantage because he's out, but he misses. So he swings twice, so he misses. That's Balnor's turn. Balnor has one failed saving throw. Balnor rolls again. He rolls a 16. He's still alive. Let's try to have fun, Merv, okay? Okay. Ah! Ah! Ah! Actually, that's not Bev's turn. That's the other two giants. Hardware workout is dick again.

Ah! Ah! Oh, those simpler darts. Ah, so the one. I can't come out of rage. I mean, I don't want to come out of rage. The one giant was just struck by moonshine. He's going to swing at her.

Bring it on, come on. That's a 17-hit? That is more in real class, yeah. Okay, he's got this big club, I guess it. But I'm gonna take half damage. Yes, you are. Fucking so sick. Barbarians such a good club.

23 divided by two, so 11. Ha, ha, ha. He takes a second swing with his club, and he hits 15-7 damage. The second guy, I guess he's... Okay, so hard one was after the man, so I'll say it was a little forward. I'm saying this other guy is going to go after Moonshan as well. He goes forward.

He misses on his first attack and he rolls a 2-1 attack, shout out to the 2 crew. That is... Bev's turn. Nice one. That is... Bev's turn. Finally Bev. Okay. I can send B-lining. I'm Bev-lining to Balanor.

I'm gonna try and stabilize it. B-to-B. Balanor's in such a bad place. He's in a bad way. He's in a bad way. Bad Nor. What would you like to do to Balanor? Shit.

I only have like a little bit of touch hands left, but I guess I'm gonna use it. Okay, that'll put him back. Yeah, I'm gonna stabilize him. I'm a bad idea. Yeah, I'm gonna stabilize him with my remaining 5 HP. Okay, Balnor pops up for 5. I'm dead. No, you're alive.

I died. Run into the keep, Balnor. Toss him my way. It's not him. Oh, we know, fuck it up. I died. Run into the keep, Belmore. Run, toss him my way. It's not him. Oh, we know, fuck it. I can't, I can't come out with it. I can't. Can he run away without, like, no, it's guy, he's got to do something not as his turn.

Also, Belmore is brave. He's not going to run away. All right. Is that chance of bonus action? It's not. That's an action. That's a full-on action. Is there anything that can do as a bonus action?

Shoot. Can I, I can't use Misty Step to teleport Boundore away, can I? You can't bam somebody else away. I'll let you, if you wanna like push Boundore in the, out of the way and like getting in front of them or something, I'll let you do that. Okay, yeah, let me like prepare a reaction to defend Boundore.

Okay, cool, cool. I will allow that. Great. That's back around to hard one. Now that's a good son. Shouldn't have come at me with your ugly ass elephant. Who are you, are you going going up going up to the elephant? The elephant.

Yeah, I can't help but 18 to hit. 18 hits. Ooh. 18 damage. Cool. Can't finish him yet. Nope. Let's hit him again.

Sorry, these guys are really strong creatures. Strong and no bar. Shout out to the two crew. Oh. Swing any mess. It's a strong no-bar. Shout out to the two crew. Oh, he's swinging he missed. It's caught in a tusk. It's where they use the tusk for. That is moonshine stern. All right, guy who hit me is the one I already hit, right?

Yes. All right, I'm going after him. Shout out to the three crew. Shout out to the three crew, does 11 hit? 11 does not hit. Okay, well, I'm still's spores and for 12. Well sports. That is good. Yeah that's gonna get a good automatic damage. Yeah that is that's right. Again doing it sloppy so I'm making little

sport gardens. That is an aerial cartwheel still. That is the main. I forgot. Yeah I aerial cartwheel. Spores him. Why would that Yeah, I Ariel Why would I sports and while I do an aerial cartwheel? You aerial cartwheel miss everywhere this mammoth is gonna back up and try to take Another Charging gore, but that means I get an opportunity that means you get an opportunity attack bev gets an opportunity And balanar gets an opportunity attack. Oh Opportunity attack, Bev gets an opportunity attack. Oh nice.

And Balnor gets an opportunity attack. Ooh. I like fucking up. I point Balnor's sword in the right direction. Balnor just like, oh, my eyes are so foggy. 15 hit him. 15 does hit him. Balnor does a 11 damage.

27 is probably gonna hit. That's super hits. Okay. I do 16 damage. Dope. Ooh. I do 13 damage. Cool.

This thing is on Death's Door, but this giant is gonna ride him to death. And that's cruel. Betray your master. Buck your master. Don't you see what he's talking to you? Buck your master. What no, the masters are the Frost Giants. You guys are getting confused.

Oh, wait a second. What? The Frost Giants are sending the Hill Giants into this battle. What no, frost giants are sending the hill giants into this battle. What? No, we escaped those guys, idiot. And you see the man that started fighting for you. Explain your entire hierarchy and structure right now.

Yeah. Fuck you, I love you. The man that is going to try to go or you, Bev, because you're in front of Balnor. Bring it. And he hates Balnor. How could anyone hate Balnor? Such a simple and beautiful creature.

19-hit? Oh, that's exactly right. I see, in fact. Okay. So it gores you. Fine. Fine. No.

It's no more me. 29 damage. You just don't stop him. I think give me a strength check. Just a checker does that. Ah, saving throw. That's 12 and then my saving is plus four, so 16. 16 does not do it.

Oh, I know. You get gourd, you get knocked over, and then this guy is. Are you saying I've been rocked? You've been, you've been, you've been wamp, too. Oh my goodness. And he hits with his stomp, but he doesn't crit with his stomp. That's nice. This is nothing compared to what my dad endured.

That was bad, Beth. He stomped on my goddamn head. We didn't know which daddy was talking about for himself. We dad deserves a strong son. 35 damage on the stomp. Woo! Then that is the Giants turn. The one who is aboard the mammoth

is gonna swing down on Bev. 15 misses, another great club attack hits with a 23 to hit. That's a great, not so good. Bad club. Not so good. 14 damage. Then that is these other two guys who are back with moonshine.

Yeah, bring it on, come on. Oh, guy, too. You're pretty brave for being a little elf. What are you doing all the way out of here? Uh, my mushrooms told me to come out here. He crit. What? No!

Sorry, I was just making conversation that I got excited. Who ordered this attack? Don't worry if you die out here, a lot of mushrooms will grow out of your body. That's true. You can kill me but you can't kill the spores. Optimism! I'm so fertile with spores.

Oh, that's why your edders were so big. 32 damage, so 16. Okay. Haft. God damn, it's fucking good. It's really good. 17 to hit on the second attack. It does hit. It does hit.

It does hit. 24, so 12. How was everyone? HP wise. I haven't been hit yet. This other guy swings. This other guy swings at you. OK.

He hits on his first attack. How are they all hitting me? What the fuck? They're giants. They have plus and I need. They are big baddies. 24 damage or 12 Second attack not one

That is Balnor's turn fuck me love me Balnor goes hit them and run away Balnor fuck this majestic creature And he lands he runs at the mammoth and he hits the mammoth. Downward brutally cuts off one of the mammoth's legs. Oh! Let's out this horrible yell and face plants into the snow and dies. And then Balnor charges at the... Looks like we're having mammoth sandwiches for the rest of the trip. Ooh, and then Balnor charges at the... Looks like we're having Mammoth Sandwiches

for the rest of the trip. Ooh, Mammoth Sandwiches! Mammoth Sandwiches! And Balnor crits on the giant. Hell yeah! Mammoth Sandwiches. He does 16 damage to the giant. Now he's tapped into the dad force.

He's awakening strength within himself. We didn't know even existed. A Mammoth Sandwich sounds really good. Yeah. It sounds really good, right's a good sandwich, right? Like elk or bison or something like that. I picture it sort of as like almost like a swarm butt. Yes, that's not a picture in two.

Now dude, it's that giant rib from the Flintstones. Bed, that's your turn. Okay. Two shitty pieces of toast. Who we got? We got a mammoth that's kind of a dead. The mammoth's dead, oh great. So you are, so moonshine is kind of

on the other side of the battlefield with these two giants. She's 2v1ing them. And you and hard one are near this mammoth guy. The mammoth just died. Okay, so I should probably attack the mammoth guy. Sure, yeah, I'm gonna do that. I'm going to attack, I'm gonna try and pull off a wrathful smite.

Cool. So I'm feeling wrathful. Eight. What does six plus eight? That's 14, yeah. That hits. Oh great. Cool.

A wrathful smite time. I'm just wearing a North Face man. A fleece too. Not even insulated. No, I mean, I like a coat. Is there any Gore-tech in that thing? No, none. No lining.

Not even weather resistance. Yeah, I know. It's honestly a stupid jacket to wear in this climb. Yeah, I was kind of forced. It was a prisoner. He fucking asshole. Would 15 damage help? No. Well, I'm sorry.

I have to get rid of it somehow. Fine. OK, so you take 15 damage. And then I'm going to activate this raffle, smite. The next time you hit with the melee weapon, during this spell's duration, you're attack deals an extra 1d6 psychic damage. If the target creature, oh, sorry,

additionally, if the target is a creature, it must make a wisdom saving throw or be frightened of you until the spell ends. Shit. Yep, he's not smart. Cool, he's so... Oh, it's a little kid's kids weird man. That's right. What your fucking deal dude. You're fucking weird. We're just right here.

Out here in the snow. I want to be inside your head. It's like out here in the snow. What's your fucking deal. I'm a little worm. I'm a little worm. I'm coming for you. I hate little worms. That is hard once. Do you want to slither? Wait, no, I get one more attack. Oh, okay, go for it. So, let me go and roll. You should have a little enough. You should have a little guy.

I got a 18 plus eight. I great. We move on. I walk towards him. My sword is glowing green. What are you saying? I'm gonna ask you a little caterpillar. I'm gonna get up inside your crevices. Don't get

inside my crevices you fucking weird little kid. That's 15. 15 damage. Yeah. Jesus. Okay. You slash right into him. He does not like that one bit. He is deathly if I'm wiggling. Stop wiggling. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Mammoth, Mammie, wake up. Get me out of here. Here's those beautiful creatures.

Mammoth. Hard one, that's your turn. Bev is scaring me at this point too. So I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. My game's dude. You keep on caterpillaring this guy. If he turtles, I'm gonna caterpillar.

Can I attack the giants that are hurting Mootgein? Sure. This one, the frightened one, takes a frantic swing at you as you leave his line of sight here. With disadvantage? He does have disadvantage. He does still hit. He rolled a 13 and a 16 and gets plus nine to hit.

Okay. So he clubs you in the back like a fucking coward. Just assholes. I'm still strong. I love hitting people in the back. Nobody's scared of the tiny teenager a fucking coward. Asshole. I'm still strong. I love hitting people in the back. Nobody is scared of the tiny teenager, not me. You took 22 damage. That hurts a lot.

Yeah, I'm still strong, but I'm scared. Nobody who survived has ever said, I'm still strong. I'm still strong. I'm sure you're the one who run over to the giants that are attacking me John cool. Oh Hey, who are you? One of them is so close to death right no

What I mean they're they're pretty hurt but they're uh 15 hit 15 hits who's Fingo just a big guy Losing a hit so my 16. Oh, you're kind of little to me man. You haven't seen my hog So my 16 oh you're kind of little to me man. You haven't seen my hog Hard when I can't do minor illusion right now Really Earn him yells. Hey did you got spell on his dick 25 to hit 25? That's 18 damage 18 damage. He is on he pulled up outside of Death's door. So Death's curb. He doesn't, and he's like, he's on death's curb.

He doesn't feel like he needs to get onto the stairs. Yeah, he like checked Death's mail for Death, and he's gonna bring the mail into the house. I have, does the action search come back? Action search does come back after a short rest, yes. I should have used it on the mammoth, I'll use it now. Ha ha ha ha. 15 hit.

That hits. Nine hit, that hits. Nine damage, nine damage. Take that second attack. He's pulling up to death, dude. He's just gotten out of the car. Okay, he's like getting frustrated. He hogs, he's like, why did he do it here? He's like, really, really, really, come on.

Really after going, you're dead. You see in the movie, the movie's a lot of point. We're going to see Grinch. We're going to see the freaking Grinch. Those billboards are so funny. 17 to hit. Pissed about traffic and stuff. He says he loves traffic.

17 to hit hits. 17 damage. He is pulled up to death's door and he's banging and he's saying, Bernie, the Grinch is about to start. I want to see the other freaking cartoon trailer. I really want to fucking kill this guy. I want to see if there's a new Ice Age movie coming out. That's Mochart Stern.

All right, first things first. Can I do my 12-sport damage to this guy and make it look like hard-wounded it? Mochart, first. Oh. Great. I just like, I kinda sneeze in his direction and make the spores seem really subtle,

so hard-wond just thinks that he failed him. Another giant killed by hard one, Sherfwood! Whoa dang nice work hard one! Yeah hard one you've slashed into this dude's chest he's still talking and that's suddenly a full like three seconds later he just claps his dead. I look at my axe and I kiss it. Do you see that arm? Yeah that was pretty good.

Yeah. Good one, but it won't look the big hug. Sure was. Sure was the magic hug. Hard one sure acts. A giant slayer, the 14 incher. Hard one sure dog. Hard one sure dog.

Hard one sure dog. And then I'm going to attack the guy who's still standing. Yeah, there's another guy. Is a 16 going to hit. It is going to hit. Yeah, bitch. And then this time I'm gonna attack the guy who's still there. Yeah, there's another guy. Is a 16 going to hit? It is going to hit. Yeah, bitch. And then this time I'm gonna fucking do my damage right because I undersold it last time

because I forgot I was raging and in a funcule form. So. Get your full barbarian bits. Oh yeah, with your fire damage on Rosalina. Oh yeah. 22. Jesus.

Woo. I'm trying to slash into this dude explosion. I slash into dude explosion fire I'm doing an aerial Nice you're ill I love Ariel. I've ever seen the little mermaid I do an aerial I mean I just I just erect my back on a rock Wave splashes You're cool. He swings a club at your head

I love these big dumb guys. He rolls a three. He misses. Yeah, but he hits on the second one He's definitely a big dumb guy good stats on me 25 damage. So 12 damage I can take it. Okay. The other one is up with Bevin Balnor, so I'll swing at, oh wait, no, he's feared. He's a feared. He takes a full dash action to get away from the... Where are you going? Just getting small and weird, he's running around, he's got his little green swords and he's

a worm. Absolutely no fucking thanks to that. He runs around the tower and he has that brown. So he can't see you. He rolls an 11 on the Swiss, I'm saving throw. He does not get it, he is still scared. I'm still fucking scared. I want to kiss your mind.

That is Boundorse turn. Boundorse. Let's kiss your mind. This dude is like huddling, turning away from Bev and Bounder, because it's to stab him in the back. Any hits? Nice work. No mercy. 12 damage.

We'll wait past that. Second swing hits. We are brothers of the Carcass. Does another 11 damage. This dude is looking pretty, pretty. That is bev's turn. Okay. Let me see if I can send this guy to the movies. Yeah. I don't want to go to the movies man. That's a 29. I just want to see the Grinch by myself. I don't want you to That's good. That's just a 20 to hit. That hits, yeah. OK.

I will just do another, you know, I'll just do a divine smite. I haven't done that yet. Cool. Cool. I'm just trying to get to the Grinch now. I can't wait till it comes out. That's an eight. It's awesome that it comes out in November

so that you can see it before Christmas. Yeah, you can see with your family. I can see every family over Thanksgiving when you go home. You don't kill them, Bev. This is God of the God. They killed you can see with your family. Oh, thanks for your family. Oh, thanks for giving me one. You got to kill him, Dev. This is coming from the guy that killed the holy man with two. This is too relatable. What everything you say. No.

I'm excited to family movies. Fun for all ages. How close is he to death? How much do you just do? I just did. That's just eight damage right there. But I've never done my defense. He's pulled, he's honking outside Death's door.

All right, I'm going to do it first level then. So that's gonna be 13 more damage and then on Death's stoop and then nine damage. He is on Death's door. Okay. That'll just do a regular attack and see if I can't get him there before the preview start. Oh, yeah Come on babe. You should line up the green band. Yeah, take me to the previews of the Grinch I want to see if there's a new peanuts move or anything Easter that her is having Beverly I Just want to see the great. He just likes talking to himself. It's pitted a cumberbatch voicing him That's freaking hilarious. That guy's sure lock he's dead.

That's it. And that is hard group three sizes that day. Goddamn, I'm fully on the giant side. I climb up his body and I stab into his brain. And I whisper the plot of the grinch. That's quite weird. You hit, you see just drool coming out of his mouth and he sees the grinch playing the whole CGI grinch.

The new grinch. No, the old one. He really, he's just laughing to himself. He took him to the gym carry room. This is a classic for me. You're gym carry room. This is really funny. You're a Marine one. Mr. Grinch. This is just like the classic one.

It's kind of fun because it's CGI. Like when things get updated. It's nice that we're doing the Grinch in this like, Tundra right around Christmas. I like having three Grinch movies. I can't Christmas everybody. I'm so excited for people to listen to this in two years. And be like, what the fuck? He's talking the fuck He's fucking about how can he dies?

That is Hard ones turn cool. Um, there's another giant that we're gonna send to the Grinch I'll swing at that one. I'm not as excited about the Grinch man. I like it dragged but I don't care. 21 that hits Fine, okay, I want to I want to fucking see it. 18 damage. There's one it looks funny. See the blue who yeah, she's adorable. She's cute.

22 to hit that hits. 15. He is pulling out side death store honking. Fine, I want to forget to see the Grinch a lot. I want to see it real bad. He's not a dead store, he's not a dead store. He's not a dead store, he's not a dead store. He's in the Contestant.

And you better believe he's got an AMC stuff. He's in a long line or dole-jav the freaking credit card. He has to let me in. Oh it's not a good. It's 27 hit. It's 27 take him to the Grinch. He's got movie pass. Not yet. Oh, yeah. Does your movie pass work for the Grinch?

No, it's new. No. All right. Well, I'll pay anything. Honestly, they're trying to think of a single other movie that's out right now. And I'm gonna be a 20. Okay. Take them to the Grinch. No, he's still. And I'm gonna spores him for 12 more to take them to the Grinch. He's right to the Grinch. No, he's still. I'm gonna spores him for 12 more to take him to the Grinch. He's right outside the Grinch, but he got there, he got there super early and the answers are still cleaning.

Do you have to start with the previews yet? No, sir. We got another 10 minutes, you got me really. Now he's like on social media with the Grinch hashtag. He's got a bunch of Grinch Cont. It's getting such Grinch content. He's the only person who retweets the promoted tweets from the Grinch's official account. hashtag AMC Theathe.

It's funny. It's funny. He's upset about Christmas. He swings his COVID moonshine. Oh no. He rolls a wand. He rolls a wand. He rolls a wand.

He rolls the second one. I'm joking you to the Grinch. And he misses, he misses again. He got for you though, you can tell us if I went to the Grinch without you. That's a Boundary Stern, some of the Grinch Boundor. Get some snow caps,

some non-parales. My favorite movie snack. That guy hated Christmas, and I love Christmas you son of a bitch Ballon or hits, Ballon or absolutely loves Christmas for nine damage Ballon or beheads this man. Yes Ballon or make sure you whisper the plot of the bridge no You doesn't deserve to see it the true the most cruel thing we could do is not take him to the bridge No, how then Ballon or is absolutely a Charlie Brown Christmas guy The true, the most cruel thing we could do is not take him to the Grinch. I'll never know how it ends.

Valor is absolutely a Charlie Brown Christmas guy. This episode of NADPOT has brought to you by Bird Dogs. They're a company that makes pants and shorts, so no matter where you fall and the age old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered. Now we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's gonna be difficult! Luckily Bird Dogs has made the decision of which pants and shorts to buy a little easier. Bird Dogs stretchy khakis are designed to fit slimmer through the thigh and leg to

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To get yours and a free Yeti style tumbler go to birddogs.com slash pop-up or enter promo code pop-up at checkout. That's birddogs.com slash pop-up or promo code pop-up for a free Yeti style tumbler. You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay that's it for me, go team pants, and enjoy the show. I love that little tree. So you guys, you guys single handedly kill

three of these giants and this mammoth. You see, Ernem has killed his giant, bunch of these Rangers have worked together and shot down this mammoth, this majestic beast. Hard one has to run over and kick it, just kind of help out. That's good work. That happened.

Oh, wait, and that one helped. And you see the Rangers are able to, with your guys help, beat back this force of giants. But you do see that a bunch of the Rangers did die. They were probably about 30 guys here and like six or seven of them went down That's tragic you see a bunch of the Rangers go and a couple beds open up Some of the Rangers go and start to like collect their dead and

Earn and walks up to you guys you goes Nasty business giants You don't usually seem on a main with like that. No, not usually Apparently they like hill giants more than they like frost giants memaths usually don't let frost giants Rudd them this is very unusual hill giants attacking usually frost giants. I think they've, I think they've, what do you call them? A lied? No. Brainwashed? I think they've radicalized. Yeah. Oh dear, that's even worse.

First off, thank you. I love you for helping doing that battle. We were the last. Yeah, fuck you, you're the last. Fuck you, fuck you. Yeah, he nods like very pleasantly. Fuck you, go to the Grinch. Fuck Yeah, fuck you, yeah, he nods very pleasantly. Fuck you, go to the Grinch. Fuck you, fuck you, go to the Grinch. I fucking hate the Grinch.

That's a giant movie. That is giant movie. Yeah, we're a small-foot family. Thank you. And he goes, we would have lost more young pups out here without the ear help. So I appreciate it. And welcome to share our fire with us.

We want nothing more. Let us help you bury your dead. Yes. I know a decent amount of death rituals because I'm not afraid of the darker side of life. You see, you're not afraid to walk with the Grinch. I always stop talking about the Grinch that's good. So I walk through the walk with the Grinch. He's not afraid to walk with the Grinch. He's not afraid to walk with the Grinch. He's not afraid to walk with the Grinch.

He's not afraid to walk with the Grinch. He's not afraid to walk with the Grinch. He's not afraid to walk with the Grinch. He's not afraid to walk with the Grinch. He's not afraid to walk with the Grinch. He's not afraid to walk with the Grinch. He's not afraid to walk with the Grinch. He's not afraid to walk with the Grinch.

He's not afraid to walk with the Grinch. He's not one, the one is fun. You have, wow, you don't need three, three grinsches. Give me a fucking break. And you see he's snot rockets out of his little pig nose. You're a wonderful life guy. Thanks, man. And you guys collect the dead. And you see they take the bodies and they start burning them.

Oh. Fire. I think I sing a real guttural song, like just like a real throaty, almost chant, and I play New Betsy, and it's like all in honor of, you know, the mystery that is the other side of life. Give me a performance check. Oh dear.

Babe, would you like to help with your beautiful boy voice? Absolutely. I got a fire. I'll give you two. If go ahead and do it. I'm gonna go ahead and do it. I'm gonna go ahead and do it. I'm gonna go ahead and do it. I'm gonna go ahead and do it. I'm gonna go ahead and do it. I'm gonna go ahead and do it. I'm gonna go ahead and do it. I'm gonna go ahead and do it.

I'm gonna go ahead and do it. I'm gonna go ahead and do it. I'm gonna go ahead and do it. I'm gonna go ahead and do it. Oh, that's a natural 20. Okay. So, moonshine starts to play new Betsy and sing this song. And it's a little out of tune. It sounds like a little change. It's in Crick-Tune.

It's in Crick-Tune. Bev has dropped it. Bev has recently spent some time at the Cric, so he knows all about Cric dropped it. So he is able to match Moon Shine's tune. And you guys are perfectly in tune, and you play this beautiful, kind of haunting song that celebrates the life of these young managers' loss.

And death. More and then, more and done. Ooh, yeah. More and then, more done. Ooh, yeah. More and then, more done. They do the sign of the Anvil. And Ernam walks over to you guys and he goes, we had other visitors come by today. Who visited?

Summer Dorf, Thomas, Alpha Wolf. Yeah, you know her. Yeah. She come Thomas, Alpha Wolf. Yeah. You know her? Yeah. Yeah. She come by, and she's our commander. She come by, she take a bunch of the seasoned winter wolves, and they keep heading north. They're going to Mount Vorge. They're headed to the gash.

I don't know if they're heading to the gash. They're trying to find the pilgrims. Pilgrims was lost around Mount Vorge. Oh. As far as I know, he was not climbing it. He was just... I thought he was just being hunting with the Winter Wolves. Do you go with other Winter Wolves? He went with other Winter Wolves and they are missing as well.

Do you think there's a chance he's still alive? I think you go missing out in the Dundra. You'd have to be pretty hopeful to go live after all this time. I've heard he's absolutely stacked, though. He's pretty fucking stacked. Yeah. Yeah, he also has a big idea.

I don't know why I'm a dick. It's so small. I thought it was pretty big. He saw you. He wants a small. It was your smaller than the pale princess. It was smaller than the pale princess. And I knew that they wasn't using any magic.

It just was a fact that he just wasn't the magic. I rolled the blackening. Yeah, just decided beef that guy. Yeah, just the minor illusion was the real side that I used to was. The minor illusion was to fill in your sparse moods. You were a little more shaved than I would have thought. All this hair in the face, I would thought you would be... All of my hair is mostly waisted out.

Just a lot of care taking down sparse legs. A lot of care taking down stares with you human. What can you tell us about the relationship between the frost giants and the hill giants? The guns I do with dog.. The guns are the dog. We have some male with dog. Okay, sounds good. We have some male after battle. Important for these pups to good men,

good women out here, fight hard. Yeah, blood and ale. To taste. Blood and ale. Important they learn about loss. They will be hardened. They will be dogs before long. Moonshine, bring that turmeric.

Yeah, I'll bring the turmeric. Also, if they need to know a little more about loss, I've got more songs about loss. And we are okay. Thank you. That was my best friend who went to Wolf's together. We said we were going to climb mountains together and see the world away from Frostwind.

I play a happy tune about how they will all join the fire under the forge of Mora Dan. Perfect. I play a dark tune about how dev is a beautiful thing. I just scream the word friendship while playing my flute. Erinem goes, the lid's going inside. Okay, yeah, yeah. He's too weird. I love you. He brings you go inside. It's too weird.

He brings you guys inside. He pours you guys some mail. You guys sit around the table. And he goes, first giants and hill giants. First giants in slave, hill giants. First giants have stronghold. They have a strong leader named Ultras. He commands Frost Giant. He used to, he was big time leader, big instigator, doing giant wars was never killed. It lives out now in

frigid north, still commands, Frost Giant's. But, he'll giants, after Hill Giants, after Giant Wars, seemed to kind of lost their will to live. They were imprisoned by Frost Giants, but just past few days, past few weeks, Hill Giants attacks, not too much from Frost Giants. Frost Giants have not been attacking us so much. More Hill Giants recently seemed emboldened by something, they must have... have not been attacking us so much. More heal giants recently. Seemed in boldened by something. They must have, they have also nots, like he knows what's going on. Yeah, this kid knows.

He gets it. He gets it. Yeah. Thomas is very strong. She take lots of good rangers with summer dwarfs who go, what summer dwarfs did she take out there? She took Will Willem bronze beard bunch of strong orange beard all the bronze beards all the cousins yeah bunch of willem bronze beard went

out with Toma and when did they leave they left this morning are you all worried about Are y'all worried about Willem being out there extremely What do you know what's what's wrong with the willem? Oh, he's cool. He's good. Yeah Everything's chill hard to know who to trust in the tundra. Yeah, that's kind of the point I know that they trust the winter wolves adjust wolves. You see he was trustworthy I Didn't really mention it at all, but he does have a wolf with him that was helping him fight. Oh, cool.

Yeah, that was dope. I should have mentioned that. I hate his wolf. Yeah, this is pinio. My name is pinio. Eating something I throw into the wolf. Yeah, yeah, he starts eating it. He loves it when the dorm is scraps.

I give him chinny robes. He tilts his head up and he takes a little scratches. I'm just kinda like, when the dog lies down, Bev is kinda lying on the dog like it's a sofa. That's a little munch, Bev. It's okay, he's a big dog, he likes city, likes the cuddle. Fuck it, be honest, I mean, he starts to tear up. I feel like I'm not affectionate,

I'm not food sometimes. No, it's hard. No, it's hard. I'm just trying to be tough for the pops out there. I lead a couples massage for him and his wall. Okay. He pets you. Can I speak with animals to help do a couples counseling? Sure. Hey, Pinho.

Hey, how are you? I'm great. How are you? I'm doing pretty good. Erna is a great master. Wouldn't you agree? I think he's good. I'd say he's more of a friend than a master, but you know what? I think he could scratch behind my ears a little more often, especially after I help him kill Mammoth. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. If you could tell him that though, the patient. Yeah, about my ears, which ear specifically? Left ear please. Left ear, all right. I'm gonna give you a little bit of that right there.

Appreciate that. A hot, dear, yeah. Any other scripture? You know what, this sounds weird, but like a butt scratch. I think every dog likes a butt scratch. Like all your animal wants, just give them scratch. Everybody, you like, like, right on those little burls that dogs have?

Yeah, just right back there, man. That's a little weird spiral-y bitch thing. Oh, that's good. They have right on the butt butt give me a spiral butt scratch Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, thank you. I love you. Fuck you either rat Are there any rats around here? I give him a rat. He eats down the rat. Thank you. This is a great sign of respect in my I passed this information along to earn him. Oh, he likes in the years All right, you got All right, Ben.

You got to counterclockwise on this little butt for all. Yeah, counterclockwise. Sorry, this is so used to killing things and everything. So the gash has been thwacked. The gash. I'm just seeing the sky replay open. Oh, sorry. Sorry, I was just kidding.

So I need to stay here with pups, because I'm only a senior ranger here. OK, this is a crazy questionanger here. Okay, what? This is a crazy question. What time is it? What time is it? A couple hours after sundown, you might want to get some rest dangerous

in Tundra at night. Yeah, what's the, are you planning on heading north towards Mount Forge? Yeah, we got a meetup with all of them up there. Okay, I could give you some information. You have a map, or you need a map from me. We do have a map.

Let's take a second map. We could always use more. You could update our map. It's covered in a lot of blood from a, you know, some weird bodies we saw. Okay, it's covered in blood and elk milk. Right, elk milk, yes. You find that on the dungeon very normal,

very normal thing that you would tell me. I love where my, where my utter was. Okay, this woman's strange, very normal, very normal thing that you would tell me. I remember where my, where my utter was. Okay, this woman's strange, very strange. She's just got a phantom utter. I don't know. Honestly, that's the most normal thing she's done in a long time. Rang, rang, rang, I don't even know what little rats is. Little rats is here.

He is her friend. I don't know. It's the most educated one among us. Yeah, honestly, we show some respect. Okay, that's a goddamn ass choir. Then I will show you a rat, the map. And he puts down this map and he goes, and you should probably stay here tonight because fast as the way to get the Mount Forge,

you go through Valley of Frigid Death. There is purple worm. It sounds hospitable. Yeah, not very hosp do valley of frigid death. There is purple worm. It sounds hospitable. Yeah, not very hospitable, not a good place. You have a purple worm there, burrows through the ground, through the cave networks down there, but comes up any hunt set night, where he stays down during the day.

Ah, from one worm to another, I respect that. Yeah, worm, I did not know you. You just did during the day. Ah, yeah. From one worm to another, I respect that. Yeah, worm, I did not know you. You just did during the battle. It was the whole inside joke. You need to yell at it. You need to project what you battle so that I can hear all the jokes. I do need to work on my battle cry. My battle goofs.

Yeah. Yes, very goofy doing battle. I love you. Either way, go fuck yourself. And he goes so my toes. Okay, but that, the dog starts looking at your toes. Do not do that, Pinho, that's weird. You can do that, Pinho.

No, don't, don't tell him to do it. It's gonna do it, it's gonna be weird. Now, he's just like in a sweat off, that's fine. No, stop, Pinho, get out of here, go. He goes. I'll get you later, pinio. You have to worry about the purple worm at night. You have to worry about noles during the day.

The noles worship the purple worm. They feed it during the day. Sounds normal, yeah. That is why it doesn't hunt during the day. It's only hunting at night. The noles live in a series of tunnels and caves. And if they catch you, they'll probably try to feed you to the worm.

They've done that too. Some of my brothers and sisters. Hey brother, you gotta feed the worm. That's just life. You gotta feed the worm. You have very into worms, very strange, very strange boy. But there is one role who is friend to winter wolves. Who?

I say, his name is Bastion. He is weird. I say friend, but I hate him. He sucks so bad. He's such a bad dumb guy And I hate him and he sucks so bad, but he likes to try to impress Humanoid types. He likes to try to impress dwarves and humans and stuff He lives in a little cave next to the cave network where the other nose live. The other nose respect him because they tried to sacrifice him to purple worm in the past, but purple worm regurgitate him. So they think he's a passion was inedible, but now he's a here. Bestian disgusting fuck who cannot be swallowed. So gross that a fucking thank you. Thank you exactly so fucking stupid noles

Think he's some kind of God or something he who has been Ralph. He has been barfed up like a fucking idiot I hate that dumb ass. He sucks. He sucks so bad He's helpful why because you can guide you through tunnels through no tunnels You come out on another side You'll be closer to Mount Forge than you would be if you went through Valley or if you went around the valley The same way that the bronze beard and the and the other the rest of the party girl That is the way that they would go. So we must venture into the null hole So the pale prince went through all this just to go hunting

Yes, wedding hunt is very important. Me and very much, especially it's someone like Pilprin's royal wedding, wants to kill giant at the base of mountain where ancestors pulled kings hammer, kings hammer. Very powerful. Very powerful, very powerful in their cracking material plane at this very religious religious for our people. So he was taking the marriage pretty seriously. Yes. I heard they were pretty hot and heavy for each other. I heard

they were pretty serious. I went to Mount Forge and let his fiance ever murdered. Yeah. I guess when you're a child. When you're absolutely sliced as the pale princess, you probably just need to do it. He was constantly moving constantly looking up. I mean, I would think that nobody has bigger hug than this guy right here. He points to you hard one, but pale prince.

I'd be right. Little bit would be right here. I don't know. That's all good to sleep. Too big a day to have a sleep. It's the long day ahead of us tomorrow. Too bigger. I don't know. That's all go to sleep. Two biggest dicks I've ever seen. The long dead of us tomorrow. Two biggest dicks I've ever seen.

Number one, Bill Brinsts. Number two, the number one right here. Number two, and absolute tie. So the royal who leads your country came here and showed you his penis. It's not, I mean, he's a broad. He knows he hangs out. Okay, yeah. He was razzin' me. He was razzin me said the whip it out man

Whip it out and I said pretty quick to ask that of most people I barely learned your name You get I thought I was I thought I was special you get bored out in the tower You know now that I'm thinking about it I did see a bunch of tabloids in town and they just had pictures of the Pilprints' penis everywhere. Yeah, I mean, it's not okay for me. So it's got to eat. I'm just, I have, my face has been axed.

It does not matter if I take my penis out in the wilderness. Pilprints, maybe it should not have done that, but you know, why don't we all go to bed? We'll go and people, people are all tired. People have died tonight. He just gets very serious and just stares off. Ballon or goes, I'm still here. Should we go to bed gang? Yeah, what's the biggest bed you have?

Yeah. Oh, we have... Oh, we're in giant territory. They're all going to be one big bed. Well, we don't have... We don't have house giants. We don't have giant bed. Oh, okay. Can we push a bunch of little ones together. Yeah, you can have two dwarf beds I get some dogs on the bed. Oh, yeah, we get to do on to sleep with my dog. Yeah

Yeah, one big dog one big dog one big dog Ernam helps you guys push together to dwarven beds. It's very fat Ernham helps you guys push together to dwarven beds. It's very fat, but not very long. So hard one, your legs are just like, you're basically cut off at the knee. Your legs are just like touching the ground, your feet are full on touching the ground. Yeah, it's like a fully reclined recliner.

So yeah, but Balnor fits in just right. Moonshine, your feet are probably hanging off the edge of the bed, but you're there. But I'm also just trancein. Yeah, you're just saying. Actually, maybe tonight I'll take a, maybe tonight I'll sleep. Yeah, I'm gonna sleep tonight. You deserve it.

Yeah, when you're a barbarian, you deserve a really good night rest. And you guys all go to bed. Love it. Love it. Oh no, something's gonna happen in the night. You guys all go to bed. Let me roll. See if's gonna happen in the night. You guys all go to bed. Let me roll. See if you guys die in the night.

You guys wake up the next morning. Sun rises, it peaks through the windows and the arrows slits. All of the other rangers are stirring around you guys. Oh, good morning. Good morning. Good morning. Eaterat. Good morning, Eaterat. Love you. Fuck you. Eaterat, go revenge. Eat good. Eaterat. Love morning. Good morning. Good morning, either at. Love you. Love you.

Either at. Either at. Love you. Goodbye. You see, these guys get up. They grab their hammers and their crossbows and everything. Start getting dressed and get ready for the day. And Ernam goes down to you guys.

He goes, you going to Hadoff now. Yep, heading to an old town, I guess. No, it. Be careful. Get everyone to bastion too, he's a fuck. Yeah, is there any... you have any gear for us? Anything that we can take into? Yeah, I'm just gonna say purple worms. Do you want climbing gear?

Ooh, yes, but does the purple worm have any kind of poison or anything like that? Like, do we need any kind of antidote? Do not fuck with the purple worm. Purple worm will just swallow you whole. All right. Three of you kill three giants and kill men. It's very strong. Purple worm's stronger than that.

It would be very tough fight for you. I would suggest not fighting him. Okay. But I could get you some heavier cloaks. Yeah. Yeah, if you got like a bottloat of carabiners, we take those two. You saved a bunch of my men.

If you would like some rams to help you walk through. What about some of those little squeeze packs of food that marathon runners use? Did you have any goop? Would you like some gorp? Yeah, we have some trail mates. We got some good old raisins and peanuts. We call them.

Yep. We will take as much gorpas as you can bestow. We give the and the cloaks down to the good too. Don't just get hung up on the court. No, just all the court. And we're also not gonna put the gorgas inside my cloak. All right, we go out and freeze the death on a full stomach. It gives you just a ton of good old raisins and peanuts.

A barrel full. Go into the back. Give you guys a bunch of cloaks, and he walks you guys out to the stable. Are they wolf cloaks? Are they wolf cloaks? Are they winter wolf cloaks? Are we honorary winter wolves?

I can not give you full wolf. The pups don't even have that. We got rags, we understand. Come on. I can't look. This you. Fuck you, I love you. I can't look This you oh fuck you. I love you. I cannot give you I tickle them under his arms. They're not they call me I'm gonna have been the bite your head off stop. I'm giving I'm giving you a damn ram. I'm gonna take your damn ram away

All right, I will take the ram. They take the ram? Yeah, the ramps. Ramps good for mountains. You need a big ramp, because you have big cock. Yeah, smaller than bell prince, but big cock. You have second biggest cock I've ever seen. First, but number one, what a round called day number two. This guy right here. I'm gonna show you guys that's the biggest ramp. Second biggest ramp for the biggest cock.

Yeah, you can see there, they're chiseling hard ones name on the wall over there. Yeah, number two, guys, put them up on the wall. I don't wanna do number one or two. We just do a big cock generally. Yeah, they, you guys see, there's a few of these white rams that are grazing. They grab like a couple smaller ones for Bev and Balnor. Kind of a medium sized one for Moon Shine and just this big dumb one that's like smashing

his head into the wall for hard ones. That's my kind of ram. He looks at you and he rams you with his head. That's what's up, I remember with my, Ram and with your head, I ran mine with my head. I pet the burls on mine. He gives like a little,

oh, he kind of rolls his shoulders. Yeah, you go. Oh, your tense. And what down? He gets hard. No, it's not. No, it's not what? He gets hard. No. Stop was sashing your kids. Hey, kids, stop.

No, no, no. It's not what we do to animals, but. I didn't want to, I didn't want to. Yeah, no, we just, we just ride the Rams, bud. He should be. We just, we just, yeah, no, we just ride the Rams, bud. Straight into the, yeah. We can try, we can try.

Okay, you guys try, yeah, you guys try. You guys try, you guys try. I'm so good. I'm not sure I know on Okay, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade, you guys trade and you find our prints you bring them back here if you can't do that You get hammer back Get fuck get kissed get the kid kiss you the rat fuck you. Yeah fuck you. All right, all right So it's just a shot of us kind of like riding off you guys walk off as you just fuck you off as you just fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.

Can we say that? All of them came out and started whispering, fuck you. Fuck you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. You eat a rat. You guys ride off north on your rams, them skipping deftly as the terrain gets rockier. As you guys see, the Winter Wolf trainees fade behind you guys. You see that they're like a little bit more hearted now that they've seen their first like real battle.

And the band of boobs heads off again into the tundra towards the valley of the frigid death. Oh, yeah. Don't even, don't even, and that's where we'll end our episode. Oh boy, give me that fucking worm. That was a fun one. I know, let's just wait for night and just immediately first night

get into a fight with the purple worm. I can't believe this is the same episode that you guys murdered that lone giant. Oh wow We sacrificed yeah, we sacrifice it's good that that happened at the beginning of this episode and later the Hill Giants attacked the winter wolves Because otherwise that looked like it would have been a real bad look of like at the end of last episode You just killed that chill dude in the dungeon. I still, even though they attacked us, they still don't know if they're like bad. It seems like they were doing that under the dress maybe, but we can save it for the short rest.

Same for short rest. Yeah, we'll talk about short rest guys. Go over to patreon.com slash nad pod. We'll talk a little bit more about the episode. We got stuff to plug, guys. Watch Hot Date on Netflix. It's me and Emily's sketch show. You can also check out our book.

It's called Hey You Up, Head of Turner, Booty College, University Contact. Also hot. It's on Amazon and Audible, call well what you got to plug. What you watch Cartoon Health, if you don't mind. Oh yeah, that's on.

It's an issue on Dropout. That's on Dropout, that's College Humor's streaming service, you can also watch me and Emily on Fantasy Heights, D&D, Play Streaming Show. Jake, what do you got to plug? Lonely and Horny also on Dropout. I think all of our URL is signup.dropout.tv slash NAD pod.

Yeah, and I'm selling beer toil. So yeah That's just a real life product that you can buy and put on your face brother sister co.com Boyfaked. Oh, Colble. What's the PO box? Oh, it is a 1920 Hillhurst Avenue number 2 2 2 2 Loosefully, California 90027. Yes Appreciate things you guys have been sending us. Yeah, if you want to send us any Yes, appreciate things you guys have been sending us. Yeah. And if you want to send us any little, little, little trinkets or anything.

The studio is looking nice right now. Let's just describe it for everybody. Listen to that. Okay. We've got a sword behind. Yeah. We've got a great sword, Rosalene style. Mm-hmm.

Got a wall. And we'll go clockwise. Then we have a Targaryen banner. Targaryen banner from Game of Thrones, three-headed dragon. We've got behind Murph sort of like. Tassled the lore curtains. With like a sprinkling of string lights,

yeah, glowing behind you. Then we have the Lannister banner followed by Gemma, like Mounted Axe. Yeah. And I know I can't see, because it's directly behind me. Well, then we got some arrows and some lanterns. Lannister. Hanging lanterns.

And then we got a fucking dragon painting. A trip tick of a dragon painting. A pop. Dragon painting. And then we have a bookshelf here that is full of things that people have sent us. Trinkets and bobbles go low. Yeah, our top shelf is just pop-offs.

And there's at least two shelves for more shit. Yeah. Oh, and on the ceiling there's a fan, which isn't really themed. We don't need to turn that on because that's just a little bit. Well someone could buy us a candle log, bro. Which is definitely replace this thing with. Cool, guys. Definitely replace this thing with. Cool guys, well follow us on Twitter at CHMRIFUSME, at Caldwell, at EXFORD, at Emily, and at Jake Herwitz, is Jake, and tweet about the show using hashtag NADPOD that's NADPOD. We are, we are, youth of the nation, for the over and over.

Eat the rats. Eat the rats. Eat the rats. I love you. It's the end of the show, everybody, and that means we need to shout out our benevolent council of elders. Oh, molores shines on y'all! Starting with Matthew M. the Bollywag brins.

They wear a beautiful crown made out of dental crowns, which would have been pricey if their royal insurance didn't cover it. Brad D, the only pebble pot that isn't craven, takes luxurious bubble baths every night because his cousin saw a spider in the tub once, and now the entire clan only takes showers. Well, look at that, J-LOMO 72- aka Steel Breaker hard one's Jim Spiration can enter ketosis at will even after eating an entire loaf of milk soap banana bread. Insane Andrew aka Philtsbar Ligard in the half-elf be sure to look for Philtsbar's new crick-miss toy the half-elf on a bat's shelf an aquatic action figure that teaches kids about hygiene and also

Santa? Felt spotted really think this one through. No, he did it. Dylan Beas, sword-wielding wizard who accidentally invented blade singing. Dylan recently learned how to do the Fortnite floss dance. Hundreds were killed during the process. Danny P. Bohumi is resident artist, painted hard one senior portrait at the Dwarf Nage. Its eyes are actually hollow, not because you can look through them and spy on people,

though Danny just ran out of time. Tom Peabah, father of the realm, the serenader of sleeping babies, once drove the entire Dwarf Nage to McQuannalds and footed the bill. Love a McQuannald's crappy meal. Spencer Caskbrew, patron elder of libations, ale maker to gods, and here's a Bahumia like. Spencer's October fest ale is so good that the gods' rewrote existence

so that every month is now October. A lot of crops died, but honestly it was worth it. Interesting, because we haven't really addressed, you know. No, that'll be later, that's the next, the no crop chapter is next. E-intro-expector. Pedro E. Bought of the Mountains. If you ever hear the wind whistling in a mournful dirge throughout the mountains of Frostwind, that's Pedro E.

If you ever hear the wind whistling, a cover of ELO's, Mr. Buzky, that's also Pedro E. The Barts got range. Griffin SD, AK, The Stranger, the silver dragonborn Eldritch Knight and X owner of the Badgers Pine Inn in Tavern after months of hard living and taking odd jobs from the highest bidder Griffin received a call from a familiar face the Badger. It seems the Tavern the Badger stole from Griffin has been repossessed by their greedy landlord so it can be redeveloped into an orange theory fitness center.

Now these two sworn enemies must team up and save the bar they love. I thought the badger was dead. There is a retconny going on. It's a whole campaign going on with Griffin. This has been retconned. The badger was resurrected by theala. A beard man dan. Dan's beard is so long that they don't even need to wear clothes anymore. A fact that Dan has explained to the manager of the local cheesecake factory multiple times, but to no avail.

Scott D the doorfish owner of a mattress store that just started selling giant carcasses. Their slogan is, Fee-5 foe farm. When you sleep in a giant, your whole body goes numb. Wow, Erin See a Crick-Ell who decided to leave home to go live in a crevice on the side of a mountain. To this day, Young and Tale, the tale of Erin See Bohumi as first crack-Ell. Hermes W. the Bat King, much like a rat king. Hermes is actually just several bats who got tied into a knot.

The only difference is that Hermes really pulls this look off. T. Alex, the horse or a powerful wizard who can turn anything into a horse, including themselves. Of course, they were a centaur to begin with, so I guess it's not that impressive, but still, now they're 100% horse and look every stamp and second of it. Parker E. A master's survivalist who was watching the band of boobs as they tried to traverse the frozen tundra.

Parker was just about to offer them help, but then they cracked open a giant and went to sleep, disgusted. Parker checked into the nearby Frostwin Marriott and spent the whole night puke into a nice bucket. Why, why puke? RJW of Frostwinfly who was always unlucky and loved. That is until a very special, elvish matchmaker set them up with a banana bug of their dreams congrats, RJW.

We know you'll be very happy together. Are they W was eaten? We've established this. Spartis, a hill and Frostgiant hybrid known as a chill giant. Spartis spends their days binging TV shows smoking huge doinks and mourning their people who are all brutally and efficiently slaughtered by the dwarves.

Atomar, the R-rated assassin, like the pale prince and urnum, is frequently nude on the job. Cassandra MHP has so much HP that just takes short rests every night, insanely tired, though. Yeah, that's a lot, but you know, coffee can take you from one short rest to the next.

Danielle, the dastardly-day in Danielle is so dastardly, they once killed an innocent giant and didn't even have the decency to use it as a sleeping bag. QC, aka, Haldor Frostback, MVP of the Giant Wars, Critt on the SS Stormborn, and fought alongside Elias and Red, invented Bohumiya's version of the boomerang after getting sick of losing all those javelins he threw off the airship. I mean, sometimes the most exciting things come from is just a solution to a problem. Mani the mundane, accidental deity who got in the way of a lichest spell to reach divinity, whenever you need a quarter to do laundry and you final one in your little desk drawer, that's man I keep a new refreshing clean.

Daniel U, aka Multifor, the many faced magician. Like Jackin from Game of Thrones meets Chris Angel. Does a very gaudy Vegas show where Daniel turns into different shirtless people and performs illusions? Yummy! Jordan DJ, legendary DJ of the realm, is currently crafting a sick beat dedicated to Bound or called the mammoth dad stomp Jeffrey S. Lord of the Fjord born of the sword whose hair was shorn. That's right Jeff's just got a haircut and it's looking tight He went to Renee. That sounds like he went to Jarrett's he went to Renee

Cutter W a high elf dandy, current turned, Crick architect, Cutter got sick of the chosen hanging around the crick so he sold them a bunch of stumps full of juicy bugs, the crick spursion of bed bugs. Cutter is now on their way to meet the other elves in Glade Home. Lex sketched the escape artist recently used their skills to slip out of frost giant chains, very impressive, but now they're just lost in the middle of the tundra. Good luck, Lex. Oh, okay.

I mean, good luck on those survival checks, because exhaustion comes like a mack truck. John S. A. K. A. Shubbert, the mushroom. Shubbert has been working out recently, and it is now 6-6. Basically a big, Rudy Hardwan. It's freaky. Ryan M. Straight up, Ryan is the big dumb ram that Hardwan is currently riding a hardy head bash to you, Ryan. Elena C. wears an arrogant cloak when they go out to bars and breads harder than Boundore

and Hardwan combined. Andro M. A Halfling Boy who had sort of an iron giant relationship with Huey the Hill Giant, is going to be very upset when he gets the news. Ricky A.K.A. tricky, tricky, of the tricky straight-up kick flipped off the wall and frost went so sick. Ricky is in critical condition in the frost windhouse. Just no way to land right there. Michael McD, head mixologist at the Blumana Inn, once mixed a drink so tasty, even

earn them smiled, and for a full minute he didn't say fuck you. Well, well, well. Victor D. Bounder's boy, who's loving dad, was a ripps from his family and transported to another world. When Bounder was stomped by the mammoth, Victor got heartburn and doesn't know why. Henry A has a magic guitar that resurrects the dead via guitar solo. Henry has had to quit playing since his sick riffs were leading to overpopulation. Lance W is nicknamed Dance Lance at Moonstone because he dances for copper at the hungry trow in.

Was the least popular person in Moonstone until Danny moved there. Justin I, a swamp troll in Moonstone who is doing a version of the Josh Fit diet where you only eat chaotic evil half-lang, sort of an ethical carnivore. Okay, I can see that I could get into that. Do you think they got chaotic evil cows I could make a steak go? Kayla, but Alonus' wizard assistant dresses up like a magician's assistant in a full tux and cape and frankly, a lonesys slightly embarrassed.

Clayton Am, a claymation Dalmatian, often lets people sleep inside themselves, but because they are made of clay, it doesn't brutally murder them to do so. TJM currently concocting a magical hex that prevents any magic user from using minor illusion to enhance their member, as it is a problem that is rampant in Bohumia and causing unrealistic expectations for the youth of this fine nation. to enhance their member, as it is a problem that is rampant in Bohumia and causing unrealistic expectations for the youth of this fine nation. The professional, the only lawyer to ever successfully beat Papa in litigation actually scored higher than Papa in the LSATs, but only because Papa's essay section just said

mo. Jacob C. Adorven Beger, who makes a delicious knotted pretzel rod that everyone affectionately calls Ernim's bounty. Alaina Am is a wizard that took a bunch of barbarian levels and dukes it out with two summoned mage hands. Dope. Gone off runs a mammoth nursery to rehabilitate mammoths that have retired from a life of warm battle.

Also has a little side hustle where they do mammoth sitting and mammoth walking for the busy on the Go Hill giant. McPox, the code master who created our our amazing website rumored to have the ring of Python which allows them to cast a second-level web at Will as a cantrip. Earl and Kathleen L are a couple that belong to the off-spoke of but rarely seen Frost Faye. Frost Faye are tricky, bewitching, and covered in shimmering goose bumps. Dylan M., a talented executioner who kills people with a broad sword clenched firmly between their butt cheeks.

They also use their butt cheeks for normal everyday things, like opening jars of mayo and indoor rock climbing. J.A.B.G., the guy who is the first to set up his Christmas decorations after Harvest Bounty, so a bunch of of time-out sacks together and inflated them to be a giant ornamental Santa Paw. Aww, so cute. Corbin A. The preppiest elf at the crick cuffs the bottom of their overalls and pops their flannel collar.

Wow, okay. Atlas, Stormreeper, and Outdoors person who actually started an outdoor gear company called North D-Face, which specializes in hill giant carcasses that have been converted into sleeping bags, currently thinking of suing the band of boobs for copyright infringement. Oof, Jostritch, and Ostritch with the beautiful square jaw of Henry Cavill dimpled in everything,

100% of bird, but with the strong jaw of Superman. And of course, ELDRAG-AK, the DRAGORNOT, a Jolly Ork recently went vegetarian. It's been hard, particularly when they're out with their friends who are enjoying halfling and gnome stakes, but the DRAGERNOT made the change from moral reasons, so it's helping them stay strong. Cameron C. a snowboarder who's been staying at the Winter Wolves Tower for about three months and didn't know until this battle happened that it wasn't a ski lodge.

PJW, a mind flair who is so good, they got their own show on Food Network where they teach everyone the best way to flay the most juicy and succulent mind. Damial are probably best known from the Bohumi and Viral video, Dan Damial. It's honestly a curse more than a blessing, as Damial can't go anywhere without stranger shouting back at it again with the white rams. Quentin J started the beloved, quick tradition of Krickmas caroling. That's where you loudly sing Jumble Wombon someone stoop until they give you a whiskey drink and a vodka drink.

Josh S. A.K.A. Josh Scoff, a legendary bard who gives a bardic inspiration with a scoff. It feels insulting, but then you nail your next attacker, a performance check, and feel like you really showed Josh. Dumb R and Assassin who doesn't use other bodies like that coward Acura. Dumb literally tells you their name leaves a business card in a headshot because they don't give a fuck. Jeremy B, the cobbler goblin. Also known as the cobblin, he repairs shoes and Esri's, a cobblin goblin who will keep

you from hobbling. Logan C. Baby Ork Barbarian, powerful adorable fierce prococious. Baby Doc, Logan C's best friend, these two babies travel Bahumia together, Logan cuts people apart, and Baby Doc puts them together again. Aw, sick business. Nicholas R, a succupist driver, tore a Bohumia driving a giant orgy bus. Jennifer V. The owner of the biggest stump in Gladehome. Everyone else lives in incredible stone castles and ancient mansions, but damn if this stump were at the crack. Colin G. Also cut open a giant to sleep inside them and it was like 70 degrees out.

There was no need. Who's the monster now? Matt H. and Elvin Monk who loves the show Monk so much Monk references in these Once thought they saw Tony Shalube in a tavern and asked for his autograph per turn side it was just an ogre It's all to why why are we taking shots at Tony Shalube here? Who wrote this? Jacob J a powerful fire giant who wishes more than anything that they could try ice cream. It's both hilarious and tragic that Jacob J. will never know this delicious frozen tree

as it always melts before they can taste it. Destincy, we all know about the bug bear, but Destincy is Bohumi is only bear bug, a tiny little bug sized bear. Cute, Devin B. A jet black cancub barred from and frontman for Glateron's newest folk rock band, The Counting Cancouce. Jack W is super fast sent or who wins the Bohumia Derby every year. He needs no jockey and spends all his prize money living it up in Smuggler's Bounty. Nice.

John WG once bungee jumped off an airship, also tried doing it off a regular ship, but just ended up going for a swim. Aaron Kay, the onion god, Lord of the Gord, the venerable vegetable, created fried cylinders of his crop, which are now served at every tavern in the realm. Aaron Kay is also known as the Lord of the Rings. Michael L. Gem is personal beard groomer. Michael L. had the distinct honor of braiding and brushing the young princesses' lusterst beard every morning until she was unceremoniously killed in cold blood.

Sam H. the richest man living outside the bubble in Esri, he has 11 copper. Wow, I mean, it's...tripped to the strip club. Kelvin Noodles, owner of the newest tavern in Frostwind, Vine and Wine, where he's employed the hottest bartender in the realm. Vineard, they are cleaning up. Christian H, aka, Sergio, a very sexy, Peruvian snake folk, basically a hot Enrique Eglaceous look like with sweet snake patterns on their skin. Is a deadly cortison.

Left the cortison life behind to find people who don't just want his body, gets hit on an every bar with one-liners of varying quality. Max L fights every battle from a seated position to show how incredible they are at sword fighting and how little they respect anyone who thinks they could beat him. Traylee, the biggest winner and Bahumi's Powerball history,

used all of their money to buy the Dwarf and Christmas presents. Oh, that's so sweet. Andrew R is currently successfully breeding Nannarflies. It's very hard to get them to mate, but Andrew R plays some really sexy mood music that gets them going. Oh, yeah. And on that juicy note.

On that juicy note, we're done here. Oh. Thank you guys so much for listening. You can head on over to our patreon patreon.com slash nat pod to listen to the short rest. Thank you to our council of elders. Thank you to our listeners and we'll catch you guys next week. Goodbye.

We love y'all. That was a hit gun podcast. That was a HitBum podcast.