Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 44: Dwarves vs. Giants vs. Winter Wolves (The Frostwind Chapter)

Episode Date: January 3, 2019

The Band of Boobs escape the gnoll tunnels and make for Mt. Forge in pursuit of the Bronzebeards and Hill Giants. Beverly experiments with drugs, Moonshine has a Paw Paw scare, and Hardwon confronts his high school bully. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music / Sound Effects Include:"The Purge" by Emily Axford."Skybound" by Emily Axford. "Apotheosis" by Emily Axford."A Giant Among Men" by Emily Axford."The Mithril's Run Dry" by Emily Axford. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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brush processing. Code www-A-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, Sweeties. Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Welcome back to Bahumi, everyone. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Ooh, he's cold and I like it.

We are here with Jake Hurwitz. Hard wancher, foot, Emily Axford. Moonchang 7, woman of both warm and web. Oh, very good. Liberation. And called Walter Tanner. Beverly Togalt the fifth survivor guy. Falling again.

Yeah. Yeah, survivor guy. Check it out on Spike TV. We, oh I have a name for you. Fether Fall, hello. Oh, I like that, that's better. We also don't know if you're a survival guy yet. Yeah, we don't know.

We all be dead guys. Yeah, yeah. I'm hoping I can influence Murf by singing up top. Beverly Togalt the fifth. Oh, lie. Fifth. We'll find out right after this. Let's do a little recap. So last week, you guys continued your journey through the

Nole Tunnels HK, the Nole Holes, and ran into some trouble along the way as the path is always changing based on the purple worms movements through the mountains. You are attacked by an invisible spider who sucked you down into her invisible web after a very confusing fight. You defeated her and escaped it all the while. Balnor kept an eye on Bastion who kept trying to steal from your bag. Finally, Bastion led you to the end of the tunnel and you could see a bit of daylight

through a fissure. Bastion thought you were home free until you were ambushed by deep bragging his no-al followers. Bastion was killed instantly, then you guys were covered in blood by the no-alse above you, calling you no-alse to come and feed. An extremely close battle ensued, but eventually you overcame the no-alse and rushed across the bridge to escape and hopefully avoid the still feeding purple worm who had nobody left to eat but you. Munchine drew the short straw and was swallowed whole by the beast.

Having a symbiotic entity just to get the extra HP and stay alive, hard one then jumped into the creature's mouth and entered a strength contest, rolling a nat 20 and pulling Munchine out. Nice bev! Hit the gargantuan beast with an ensnaring strike, temporarily slowing it, and you guys rushed out of the cave and into the open air, where you found yourself on the edge of a cliff.

With Yanoba roaring behind you, you had no choice, but to jump and hope the snow below would soften your fall, you held hands and stepped over the cliff, and that's where we are now. So, you guys are currently falling off a cliff. You have just jumped out of a cave hole. I know the hole if you will, to escape. You know, but guys go ahead and so hard one has the ring of featherfall on. So you guys are so heavy. All four of you holding hands

having just leapt. These other guys are so heavy. All four of you holding hands, having just left. These other guys are pulling you down fast, hard one. But I'll say it'll save you a little bit of damage. But you guys are gonna hit snow. Well, can I send an entangle so that we, can I cast entangle so that we like almost like slide down on a vine? Go ahead and use a spell and then give me an arcana check.

Spell and then an arcana check. I got shit arcana. Well, let's not do it. Let's just fall. Let's not. Okay, so guys, go ahead and roll two D100s to see how far you fall. Two D100s, one, 70 and 80.

So 150 feet. You guys, easy. Plum it off this cliff. Plum it kind of slowly. You're pulling hard one down. You guys crash. We're all making our legs go. No, I think we're all grabbing our hands like skydivers.

Ooh, I like that. You hit deep snow, but you fall very far. So just the, you guys probably bang into each other. You're right next to each other, bound or like lands and is armor still moves. It's just insanely painful. Is this sort of thing we're like, we're all screaming and then we cut super wide and you see us just go,

woof, woof. Yeah, you guys just land in. Puff of snow. Deep, deep snow, but you guys take a little bit of damage. When I say a little bit, I actually mean a lot. Huh. Teen, you guys take 17 damage each. Bounder is knocked the fuck out by the fall.

I also am knocked the fuck out. But hard one is knocked out by the fall. Bounder and Hardwood instantly bang heads and are put just out in the snow. I feel like I would have survived except for Balnor landed right on my face. Yeah, Balnor fell a second behind me. He was like the last one on the chain.

I love you guys. I never told, just, you just see black. Okay, I heal hard one for 10. Hard one. Can we say that I'm touching him, but I'm doing like CPR just to make it with an automatic looking. Clear. That's the one. Can we say that I'll touch hands, Balnor. Four.

Four, five, HP. Sweet. Which is all I have left. I kind of slap his cheeks. Ugh. I think I pop. We're all alive. And Papa comes out of your overalls, Munchain.

Oh. Oh. How you doing, Little Road? I know. I gotta be honest. I'm out of spells. I feel I'm feeling pessimistic I'm here He's being really pragmatic right now, but you can tell he's a little worried

Yeah, maybe we don't beat him on the battlefield. We beat him in the courtroom. What do you think papa? Papa was also briefly inside that worm. Oh, yeah. Oh My god. Thank God. Yeah, she didn't digest him He wouldn't have been able to take nearly as much damage. Oh my goodness. That's not That's not 20 in history. You're right. Let's sue that worm. You heard it here folks. Ramm. Papa. Papa's drawn up the I'm not I hadn't even thought of that come here a little rotted the world almost took you away from me Come here and give me a little cheek kisses

He's just like the tightest hug you've ever gotten. Oh, and he to get his arms around me has to go around my neck. Oh, the whole door clenches his fist. Dude, no, it's okay that you're child. You have to chill. I'm willing to take responsibility. I'm willing to take papa on.

I think I'd be a good dad. Papa's papa. So you guys are in this deep, deep snow. It is deep. Because it feels like we're in deep, deep shit. guys are in this deep deep snow. It is deep in there. Because it feels like we're in deep deep shit. You are in deep deep shit. Uh huh. So you guys have spent six hours or so hiking

with Bastion through the cave. RIP. Then you guys fought a worm and everything. So it is now like mid afternoon. You guys. Beautiful. I'm feeling a C.S. though. Yeah.

I don't know about y'all, but I think we eat a little shark cooter and take a nap. Hey, do you want to just like fall asleep in the snow? You want to pass out in this cold? I think that is how people die of hypothermia. No, it seems really warm. You know what? I feel warm.

I hear you. We all had a few concussions. I'm sleeping. I start taking off my boots. No, no, this is... It just makes no angels and then stop forever. Everly, I know you've I start taking up my boots. No, no, this is I just make snow angels and then stop forever Everly I know you've read I know you've read books about hypothermia. You see what hard ones doing this It's so weird cuz snow is almost like mud except it's like little crystal gravel

Yeah, it's like big mud pillow. Oh, yeah, it's big mud pillows You see pop-os getting hypothermia. He's just starting to take his fur off and go to sleep in the snow. That's right, Papa. It's hot. Oh, that's a dead poshemus. What that is, he picks up Papa and puts it back into Mourn Shines overalls.

We gotta go, gang. All right, all right, fine, fine. One more stop, but then a bedtime. Because they're all so tired and cold and hurt. I love that too, if you got knocked out from the feathers. You're right, we'll find a bar and then we'll go to bed. Is that what you're saying, Ballon? We're all very concussed.

I also have a concussion. Hard one tries to climb into the bag of holding. Oh, you carried me for a day, I'll tell you. We good for a day, I'll tell you. I can't sleep, but you can't breathe, bud. So you guys spend much of the evening hiking through this thick snow. At first, you guys are in deep, deep, deep snow

that you landed in. It was like 15 feet of snow. It was nuts. Can we take a short rest? Oh, I go down then. I'm down. Before I come out of fungal form, I'm down. My temporary hip points.

So I'm down. I guess we take a short rest when she goes down. You can't take a short rest buried in snow. I guess that's true. OK when she goes down. You can't take a short rest, buried in snow. I guess that's true. Okay, so as you guys are making your way through the snow, moonshine goes down when she comes out of her fungal form. Does anyone have a way to heal? I can't use the emula, can I?

She already chilled at it. She looked at it. Do we have a good bury? Do we have any more healing spells left or anything? I, you're all out of spells. I'm out of spells. Okay, everybody go ahead and make, we're gonna just go around and hope that we get

a successful stabilizing check before our moonshine dies. Well, don't I get to throw a roll that we have? You will roll dead saving throws. So everybody roll initiative on saving moonshine's life in the snow. Oh boy. I got a 17. That's bad. I know. Boundore got a

18 I got a nine. Okay. I got a five. Okay, so Boundore will go first I'm gonna roll in front of the table with his Boundore add to wisdom Nothing. He just got to get a 10 ten or higher Boundore stabilizes you on his turn Eight Boundore is too emotional. You see PR don't die on me now That is moonshine's turn roll of death save Eight. Ballon or try to give you CPR. Don't die on me now. That is Mochai's turn, Rolla Deaths Save. 15. 15, that's one pass.

That is a hard one's turn. Hard one, ten or higher on a wisdom saving throw. Okay. I heard not wisdom saving throw, wisdom check. Put my hand on Ballon or his shoulder. You're too close to this one pal. I Got a 19 there we go hard when you stabilize her You you learned first aid at the doorfinage it was really responsible kids would pass out in the mines all the time

Wait, so now I just did CPR on you and now you do CPR on me You told me how to do it. I learned from watching you. Moonshine has passed the fuck out. She's gonna need to be carried. I'll carry her. Hard one. Takes out Moonshine. Just draped over.

I gotta warn you my huge tits are heavy. There's one on either side of my neck. It's just fireman carrying her. It's just one boob in and front one boob and back. They sway in. Like, you be my ears warm. Hard one. There's probably a brief period where you're hanging

on to everyone because the snow is so deep that Balnor and Bev have to like hang on over you. Right in my legs. But you guys end up spending much of the evening hiking through the snow. It starts getting more manageable deep, like four or five feet. It feels like when you go off trail on your skis, like on a ski mountain, you're cross-country. This is fucking tiring.

This is awful. You French fried when you shoulda peed to it. You French fried when you shoulda peed to it and you went off the trail. You lost a ski. Finally, you guys get out from this plane of snow and you crest over a hill and now you can see the base of Mount Forge, less than half a day's hike away. It is getting to be evening, but with the light of the gash, as it were, you can't really even see the sunlight.

It just kind of always looks like twilight here. In the glow of the gash. You all see the glow of the gash. The gash light. There you go. Cool. You see the gash light. The gash light district.

There the gash. Would you say we're in the gash light district? I was saying I quit gash light anthem. Yeah. So you can also see the last tower, which is supposed to look like the first tower, the winter wolf's tower, the last sort of haven before Mount Forge.

But you see the light atop of it has gone out. There's no fire up there. Bev and hard one, go ahead and give me perception checks. Can I get, can I roll to see if I'm having a good dream or a bad dream? Yes. Oh, I got a five. Bad dreams. Ah!

Poppa, poppa. You are inside the purple worms belly and you see poppa falls out of your bid into the stomach acid below and deteriorates and turns it into a little possum skeleton. Oh my God, that's like a one roll you monster. You don't wanna know what I would have said if you got a one. So I'm 19. I got 19.

Yeah, I got a five as well. Five, okay. I just look at moonshine. You also, yeah, you see moonshine just thrashing like crazy on hard ones shoulders. Hard one really not perceptive on that, but very perceptive on looking at the tower. Hard one, you can see even from this distance

and it's still a few miles away, you can see that there was a battle here. That the tower is partially destroyed and the corpses are so big, you see a few hill giant corpses and a few other dots, which you can assume to be dwarf corpses. I relay that to my team, who is awake?

Who? Okay. Well, I guess more room for us, huh? Buh, buh, buh, buh. She's not doing great by the way. What do you guys say we go sleep in one of those giants? Ha ha ha ha. Not in the tower. We'll drag the giant inside.

Oh yeah, I guess that makes it. So I'll say, as you guys continue to walk towards the tower, Moonshine, go ahead and roll one hit dice as like a quarter of a short rest to just be conscious. Ooh, can I roll my barbarian hit dice? Yeah. Yeah, baby. Three, oh, plus two.

Bye. You pop up for three. All right, Moonshine, plus two, five. You pop up for three. You're over the line. All right, Moody, now you carry me. I do. I have bladge. You pass out again. My compatriot.

So you guys continue to hike, just beating down. You've had a hell of a day. One of the most intense days in memory, saved for maybe when you took the drill car up and fought galad and saved mev's dead in the day. This is number one or number two tiring day. We like big days around here. This is a big day.

This is not my favorite day. I need to do a little journaling and reflecting. As you guys get close to the last tower, you see that a terrible battle has taken place here. Heavy losses from dwarves and hill giants. The tower is badly damaged. You see as soon as you arrive, it's this big, you know, watch tower

that's like built of stone. The other one had this great kind of bonfire up top to be able to signal to people. Bonfire is out. You see, burst through one of the walls is a mammoth, but the mammoth is dead. Just a big mammoth corpse there. Strangely enough, the top of the tower is half destroyed.

You see up where like the beacon would be, where like a guard would be posted. It's half destroyed and covered in thick frost. And on the ground, you see dead winter wolf rangers, dead wolves, dead hill giants, and if you dead bronze beards, way fewer bronze beards than winter wolves. There are several hill giants and dwarves that are frozen in place. Like they were frozen during a battle.

Like dead and just in stasis. Is that like arcane freezing or can we tell? Let me know how you guys are approaching these guys Like what kind of arcana checks you're doing et cetera investigation I mean, I want to do like in general like a general sort of like nature check to be like is the is this ice natural or is it magic? Cool go ahead and give me investigator or arcana or nature 13 investigator or orcona or nature. Yep, nature. Yes. 13. 13.

You can't tell what it's from, but the people who are frozen in place were not frozen by natural means. Yeah, I assumed that's my... It's a whole magic scenario up in here. Pfft. And... So I thought that, I thought that between us,

yeah. I thought that the guy we were most worried about was Dylan and Flane. Wasn't he enchanted to Dylan? He rugged, yeah, he rugged Jr. He rugged Jr. Seems like maybe he's being opposed by someone else. There's a fire and eye situation happening.

Oh, y'all, that's, I mean. I think that he might have a Jon Snow. I know that these are serious times with dire consequences, but that's dope Well, I imagine that there might be like a frost giant trying to oppose him I hope they are also in love though. Can I oh yeah? I'm gonna inspect the bed and they keep to make sure nobody was fucking there on there I would also like to, for the same reason. You look in, it looks to be more of like season one through four.

Yeah, I got it. I got it. Where it's like the inside is mostly lannister. No more. So the north is fine. Can I do a quick com check? Yeah, you can check for com. Can I look for bear skin rugs that

have had that super hot girl that was with Rob Star? Oh, yeah. Like her sweet cheeks on it. Yes, again, season. Oh, I got a 19. Season four, so yes, she was recently here with Rob and they took a break from planning the war. Several nobles, I have sex in this tower.

A young prince of the North. What do you guys do to save the world in the St. D.G. Oh, right. I did want to do, I wanted to do a percent, like this place is deserted, right? Like there's, there are no, yeah, a lot, there are no people who are alive that you can see.

Okay. But let me know how you interact with everything. I want to chisel one of these people out. One of the winter wolves or the? One of the frozen, one of the frozen winter wolves. You want to chisel somebody out? Moonshine. Oh shit, I got Purdue's flame.

I forgot cantrips, I don't need spell slots for. So there are two full Hill Giants that are frozen. There's one that was like mid-battle with a winter wolf that was riding a wolf with a hammer. They were about to go out each other, both of them frozen. You see another Hill Giant just has his club out frozen. You see a bronze beard dwarf that was like looking terrified and reaching into a bag is frozen. And you see a few other like winter wolf dwarves frozen and then one like wolf that is frozen.

Okay, I'm taking my produce flame and I'm holding it up to melt just around that bag that that bronze beard was going all right sweet um you you see this brown bag and bale nor so careful with my produce flame. It just bronze beard looks weirdly like he's sort of like the bronze beard bale nor he's holding that he's got a little beard but it's tight. I would have done the same thing moonshine it's It's important to check the bags first. Yeah, sure, sure. What's the Dwarven equivalent of tuna? Macarol.

Yeah. Oh, man, it's so easy. Some like blind cave fish, like salt kippers. Some moon shite. Bottom feeder, for sure. You defrost this bag, much too bound or is delight. Does it sound like a really cool like off lame torch? What do they call those blow torches?

Like a blow torch? Yeah, you blow torch. Munchan blow torches the bag. Munchan, you open the bag. I give her my goggles while she does it. Do we have anything from Jemma or Jaina that isn't a murder weapon that we could use to prove our allegiance to the bronze beards?

No, it's just the knife that murdered her. Yeah, just that. So anything that sort of proves the opposite. Just our good word, huh? All right, good words to that. Okay, okay, Moonshine, you blow towards the bag. You find in it two potions with a milky white liquid and two copper cylinders.

Hard one. Looking at that, go ahead and give me a, I guess, history check with advantage. Eight. Hard one, you have no idea what these fucking cylinders are. Do I know? Oh, let's pocket them. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Young kids. What kind of check do you wanna do at it? Do you wanna investigate it? Do you wanna know if you've read about it? Like, what kind of... I mean, Bev was definitely like a young kid who was playing with like, connects and shit like that. Yeah, I had an erector set for sure.

Can I do a history check? Sure. Yeah. Ooh, that's a 19. Bev, you look at it and you know that from your studies of dwarves and such, that dwarves are so hard working that occasionally they'll like inject themselves with magic serum so that they can like

keep mining into the mountain. And it makes them a little crazy. But. So I definitely have like, so experienced these, but they were always already being like jabbed into the back of my napkin. I never saw. You've basically heard the older dwarves talk about them.

They're like pep pills, but probably like you're like a trucker son. They won't tell you what they are. They're just like, yeah, they're dead. He's happy pills soon. So you've like hurt. You've seen like dwarves use this. And as soon as Bev starts bringing it up, like, ah, maybe this is some kind of like injector thing or something.

And you press it. Yeah. And you see that, yeah, a little needle pops out. Hey, you must have been a diabetic. And hard when you recognize it. Yeah, I know what it is. As being kind of like d'orven, little d'orven pep. Got it.

You got to be real careful with this stuff. Interest. And the, I like drugs. The mechanics of this thing is that it lets you take a long rest in the time that it would let you take a short rest. Ooh, I think, y'all, that we should save it though. I think we should get an honest long rest and save these because there's only two of them.

And- Hard one, our drugs, good. Not for you. Okay, all right. Well, you're in an, when you're an adult, and you can make informed decisions about when you inject yourself with say arcane. Uh-huh. Yeah. When your beard is as long as mine then I'll do arcane. Oh.

Gosh, I can't wait. All right. So I guess can we like keep on casing the joint? Sure. Go ahead and give me you guys have plenty of time. So give me investigation checks with advantage. Shout out to the two crew. And shout out to the fun ones. 16. Valnor got a 19. I got a 19 as well. Sweet. Advantage is so weird when you get up three and a four. It really feels inefficient. It means you just suck. You guys are all going around, Bev and Hard One. You guys are looking at the Hill Giants

and the Winter Wolves and everything. You see as you go through the Winter Wolves stuff, they all have very practical things. They have throwing axes on them. They have crossbow bolts. They have crossbows tied to their backs because they died with hammer and hand. They have food on them and things like that.

All things. Kind of beautiful about this. Like all these statues of people in their last stand. We're in like a living garden. Yeah, I feel like we're in a statue garden. There's like something about me that, I mean, maybe it's because I just faced in a very acid filled death, but right now

I'm feeling some reference. Bev Underers breath says, it's like one of my dioramas. Oh, I love a diorama. Um, Moonshine and Balnor, you guys loot a couple of bronze beard corpses. Of course, nice. You see there are three more bronze beard corpses here besides the one that was frozen. One of them has nothing on them and it looks like his stuff has been picked clean like somebody already took his stuff.

What? Wait, okay, tell me more about this one that looks like picked clean. Does it look like he's got like the insignia of being a leader carrying the most important stuff? He doesn't, he just looks like a regular knight. Okay. But you go through these other two bronze beards

and you find another of these potions with Milky White and another copper cylinder and Balnor finds the same thing. So we have four of these potions and four of these cylinders. So we got four pets. Yeah, okay, so let's just distribute it. Everyone's got one pet system. Everyone's got one pet system. Can we call them boob tubes?

One boob tube, Yeah. One post. What do you guys think these, these postures are? I feel like in my, in my research, I've seen that these can give you some sort of like extra boost if you're really tired. A lot of the, the dwarves would use them when they were hollowing out the tunnels of iron deep. Isn't that right, hard one?

Hey, that's right. What about the potions though? Oh, sorry. Not to mention maybe seals would use them. Does that trigger anything in you? Bound or? Bound or? Down periscope. No, I don't know. Anything man. No. No, just not at all. Okay. All right. Go back. Do you like I'm from within universe?

I don't know. Okay. Maybe from within universe? I don't know. Okay. Maybe not this planet, I don't know. I think I exist somewhere, you know, I don't know. Who knows guys? Milky. Yeah, have we inspected these yet? Can I take a look at it?

Can I kind of do a history or arcana? Can I touch something to my tongue? Do you want to touch something to my tongue? Do you want to do that? Touch something to your tongue. Just a drop. Oh yeah, I want just a short rest. I really, it's a tiny drop, not taking the whole potion, just like a taste.

Just like you do with our kin. You put your pinky into the milky liquid, dotted on your tongue, and you hover for a split second. Like you hop off the ground. Oh, oh, I was love it. Tating everybody. Did you see that? Yeah, I love it. I love it.

Tating. Y'all, Keto, you're looking so light. Yeah. You see, I ran out of biscuits four days ago. So I think I just entered Keto's. Down or walks around to the corpses and he goes, I don't see Captain Tomah here. And are these all of the bronze beards hard one?

Gemma's dad ain't here. That's for saying. That means they could have fucking pulled a fucking fuck you on these people. Oh yeah. Do you think they'd be trade their own? It is growing increasingly clear to me that the bronze beards are very bad.

I mean, I always say to Gemma's dad, he was a piece of shit, but seems like he might be a criminal piece of shit. But you know, so much seems honorable, didn't you? Yeah, maybe they could have her prisoner. It's true, or she might just be. She didn't look like a prisoner though. She might be a prisoner.

She didn't look like someone that gets taken prisoner. That's very true. She might be a prisoner of, you know, the whims of the bronze beards, just trying to follow orders, which I don't know. We got to find them though. I don't have any strength left. I can't do a locate object.

I don't know how close we are. I mean, they're probably getting on their way to the gash though. Yeah, they might be on their way to the gash. Do you think they flew the coop right up to the gash? Did we investigate inside the tower? You have not. Let's go inside the tower.

Yep, cool. You guys are going. Let's be stealthy. We'll be in there. Yeah, cool. You guys go inside the tower? You have not. No. Let's go inside the tower. Yep. Cool. You guys going to be stealthy. We'll be there. Yeah. Cool. You guys go inside the tower. It looks the same as the first tower except very destroyed. A mammoth has crashed through this little mini mess hall down here. A bunch of tables have broken. It's a mess in here. You see there's another hill giant in there that's dead with like three winter wolves around him including the wolves. You see one winter wolf went down fighting the mammoth that came through the wall. You guys go upstairs to that little bunk area. Completely undisturbed. There's a crossbow that was

left up here by presumably somebody who just like tossed their crossbow and ran down stairs to help. up here by presumably somebody who just like tossed their crossbow and ran down stairs to help. When you guys go to the top, you see half of it is destroyed. There's just frost all over the one side of the tower. And it's a little bit, everybody give me an insight check. Hmm, 12, 17. 13. Hard one.

It strikes you as very strange that the bottom and top of this tower is insanely fucked up and the middle is fine. Can I look at the angle of the ice that's been fired onto the top of the tower? Sure. So I can calculate what the trajectory was. You little boys get up. I pull out a I pull out a Protractor yeah absolutely

In the wire Bunk of McNulty just keep on saying shit cool. Go ahead and give me give me an investigate check with advantage, okay There we go investigate Where's that oh it's zero 14 though you bust out your protracttractor and everything, but the answer is not super mathematical or complicated. What you see is that, I pretend it is. You pretend it is. Whatever did this seems to have attacked from above. You see that the ice is super chunky up top

and it seems to be like dripping down, like it's less thick down below. And only the bronze beards had the flying potions. Correct. Okay, it seems like aerial assault. All right, y'all. Who wants to fucking do some drugs? And I'll open it out without my pep stick.

And I say, where are we sticking? Dude, I class Boone Shrine's hand, and I stick mine in her arm. Stick mine in his arm. Stick my his arm. I pull down my pants and ask for one of them to inject it. I nudge Moonchine. I encourage you, Ballon, or anything. I miss father.

Ballon are very carefully. Okay, ready? We're gonna go three to one. And then we're gonna break it on the birthmark. Three to one. Then we're gonna break it. Okay, three to it. He doesn't have to. It's okay. Hey, you're gonna break it on the birthmark Three two one then we're gonna break it right here. He does it It's okay. Hey, you're gonna be okay, but

On the buttocks No, that's what all the meat is that's where all the meat is found That's probably me is found or pulses band down Beverly has a notoriously flat ass Straight to the phone. Straight to the phone for Bev. As like cardboard. Bound or stabs his own ass. Drop it like this flat.

As like a bullet to the board. You guys, you guys take it and you're like, oh, fuck. And you go and you sit down, and you just feel super relaxed and slowly you get more amped and more amped and more amped and more amped. And after like half an hour you're like,

I can go, wait up for the day. Yeah, I'm up for the day, man. Man, it's good. Yeah, yeah. I know. I got all these ideas. You know what I'm doing, man? Yeah, I got, where is the kitchen in this place

that are all these ideas for John the Lion recipes. What about mammoth? We got a bunch of mammoth. Hey, with you try. We've been into a frittad. Yeah. John the Lion. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You guys are all on man. You guys are all on man. Munchine, I'm Romeo cooking check. Double advantage, roll 4D20. Hey, Munchine. Munchine. I'm solving a math problem with pop-up. Yeah, what do I add to cooking? Nature or something? Yeah, nature.

All right, I got 18. 18. Moonshot, you very carefully make a beautiful dinner for everyone. Hard one. Punch me as hard as you can. I punch Beverly as hard as I think I can. And I, it is very, very, very, so. You're thinking about math. Oh, I'm not hard as you can. I punch Beverly as hard as I think I can.

And it is very, very sad. Hard one, you can read right now. Whoa, very bravely. I am reading voraciously. Yeah, yeah, I got Mame Achilli. Can I give you one? I was Mame Achilli. Put him up.

No please. I'll have some. I'll have some. I put my head in the cauldron Valnor starts lab. Moonshine are these are these whole eggs in here? Yeah Anything you know cookens about texture when it comes down to it People think it's taste, but it's about texture people don't talk about that good You guys you guys kind of come down from your tweaking a little bit after like an hour And you guys are fully rested.

Alright. So, so you guys get your spells back. Come, Laura. You get your health back. For me. After these insane bronze bearded drugs, these guys came packing with stuff. And we also, it's like after like a really intense drug trip, we're all closer friends, even more so than before.

Absolutely. Yeah. We all were. We were the first time doing it up or. You're more of a downer guy, even more so than before. Absolutely. Yeah. We all were. We were the first time doing an upper. You're more of a downer guy, yeah. That makes sense. Balnor, you were insane. Balnor with the bentos.

You kept Balnor kept doing squats. Sweating so much. I was getting deep there. You're looking. That felt good. I should do that all the time. Your knuckles are so bloody. I could I should do that all the time. You're knuckles are so bloody. I could do squats like that all the time.

Papa has just been chasing his tail for an hour. Wait, no, Papa didn't get it. But he licked some ups. Oh, absolutely good. I like one of my babies involved. Hard one, yeah. Drugs are good. We gotta learn how to make it.

There's like several paragraphs in the green teen handbook about how they're bad. The whole book seems like maybe it's a wash. I don't know. learn how to make it. There's like several paragraphs in the green team handbook about how they're bad. The whole book seems like maybe it's a wash. I don't know. I'm gonna burn it. Everybody give me an insight check. 10, 7, 8, Oh, pardon me, I got 11.

Guys, this is great. You guys could probably never sleep again and just keep doing these. Awesome, dude. Forget everything that Denny ever taught you. Yeah. We're your step masters now. We gotta find these bronze beers.

Find out where they make these suckers, huh? I know, I'm just saying, if you love something, you gotta learn how to make it yourself because you don't wanna be dependent on dealers or... Resourceful. Cut out the middle man. Yeah, or in business.

Because we need to act, we need to act. Hard one chugs his, it's my flying potion instantly chugs it hard one you you you begin flying up inside the tower I so I wanted I want to chug it as I'm running out the window watch this Hard one like ease in fucking jackass hops out the window chugs his potion fully on drugs everyone looks out the window like, oh shit! And you begin flying and you float. Can I check my flying potion but do it inside so that I fly up and then hit the ceiling? Yes.

Mochan, you fly up, you hit the ceiling, you kind of swim up there, go up the stairs. Charlie on the chalk, the victory style. Go up to the top of the tower and begin flying out, Balnor jumps out of the tower. Do we just float? Do we grow wings? You just fly. Okay, cool. Yeah. So you guys consume the potions of flying

and you instantly begin hovering. Then are you guys just going up? I think let's go to the gash. Straight to the gash. Straight to the gash. Straight down. You gotta go straight to the gash. Don't push, you're putting around.

Gotta get to that gash. You guys shoot off. You didn't down, push, you're going around, gotta get to that gash. You guys shoot off. You didn't get into the gash. This guy. So the harder I clench my buttocks, the faster I fly. That's exactly how it works. Left buttocks to go left, right buttocks to the nice.

And I can fire my glutes at will. The rocker tier rules, yeah. As it works. As it works. I'm just experimenting. Left, right, left, left, right, right. So you guys fly up towards the gash. I go feet first.

You go feet first. It looks ridiculous. Bob Slut. Bell nor has to like keep you on track. But you're just insanely high, because you're a child. I'm skeleton-loo-ging. The wind bites you.

It's bitter cold, but you rock it upward in defiance of mother nature herself with the potions you can fly for an hour. And you do. Did Papa have a little bit of the potion or is he in here? He's just in the overalls. No, he's just in the overalls.

I'm turning my body into like a little plane though that he can pilot. Oh, he's got little goggles and like a little. Got a little, yeah. I'm doing the best style. A little cast in Tadon. A little goggles and like a little yeah, I'm doing the best style Little cast in Tattoff like Like feet first and then he's popping out the overall bib and then pulling my overall bibs

To sort of control. Yeah, he's like he's like Snoopy. Yeah, oh man, and that's soft with camel. Oh, yeah So in you know minutes in an hour you guys climb tens of thousands of feet Because you guys have already fucking walked through the tundra a bunch. Who wants to fucking listen to you, climate change? You sure you don't want me to do nine more counterchecks? You don't need to do any more counterchecks? Can I roll, I take a pee? Sure.

Do you want to roll for it? It's a freezman, eh? Do you see it in your dick? Freezes? No, but your pee is going to fucking freeze me in air and then fucking icicle spear some poor little rabbit hair. Oh, I don't want that. I just wanted to pee.

Do we want to see if his icicle spear's killer's ram back on the other side of the house? No! They fly over and they hit Ryan for... That's my ram. Tendi, say it again. You asked for it. No, let's call that, let it in out.

That's out. That's not Ken and Ryan's fine. My piss javillon hit something. Okay, nobody peas. Feel a little bit. Yeah, you piss a little bit in your pants. You guys climb tens of thousands of feet into the air quickly approaching the gash. You break the clouds and the weather becomes instantly insane. You're being blown off

course, rain mixes with hail, you're almost blinded by the brightness of the crack and the material plane and your potions are getting close to running out. And in addition to the crazy weather, you see something is affecting the mountain here that is not just kind of natural weather. You see something is affecting the mountain here that is not just kind of natural weather. You guys are getting close to the peak but you're still like a thousand feet or so off. And you see that the mountain would be near impossible to climb here. But below the peak just above the clouds, there is this hollowed out cave entrance. It's very wide. It's covered in frost and ice. The entrance is long with thick icicles

hanging from the ceiling like stalactites and growing from the base like stalagmites. I point this out. I'm gonna... They're giving me a stalagmite, right? Oh, I'm gonna take my produce flame and try and melt them. Cool, you go up, you do produce flame on a couple of stalagg tites and they start melting. Now see a hard one, stalagg tites clang tightly to the ceiling and stalagg mites are on the

ground with a little bit of light. So stalagg tites clang tightly to the floor and so I might it's could click mightily to the center Understand I was like wow Hard more of a way to remember it and yeah, it's a it's just a little like rubric. Yeah, I mean I think it's stupid I swing my accent one You chop it right off ice falls down. It's just ice. Okay. I see this I attack it yeah we win you chop down another icicle I lick it I guess we landed we roll to see if your tongue gets stuck to it if it does I'm not standing constitution save 70 plus four you're fine oh I do it

good long legs back so we yeah let's land in this cave we're here cool you guys enter the cave do I get any What's my evil sense? What's my malice detector doing at the moment? There is some evil shit going on. Evil's a foot, y'all. All right, y'all, let's, let's fiddle up. So, so mama moonshine can pass without trace, y'all. Okay.

I send moonshine my buttocks. Everyone, I hold on my hands, I say everyone, give me your my buttocks Everyone I hold on my hands. I say everyone give me your damn buzz Okay, you're like spank us. Yeah, all right. I do like a gentle cup I was gonna say an appreciative hat but a cup Cool it's like when like your your partner is doing the laundry and you're stays there. Cool. It's like when like your partner is doing the laundry and you're going, hey, I acknowledge that you do this for us. Sweet. Okay. You guys enter this cave. The wind from outside blows into it echoing into this giant hollow room causing a consistent consistent hum in the air. Just whom the room is bright white. Your eyes adjust just being in there. From all the snow and frost, it's almost creepily so. It seems weirdly peaceful.

But you do see a trail of blood on the floor that leads to a tunnel at the other end of the cave. And you guys hear in the distance people yelling at each other, like groups of people. Y'all, this might be a fucking crazy thing to do. And I know that we should probably just pursue these yells, but should we do a divination of whose blood this is? Do you have that ability? I love all spell.

I feel like we're gonna find out who's blooded is real quick Should I do locate object or do we also think we know or what's going on? Let's pocket these divination types of okay for now. Let's just see if we can peek around the corner Okay, so you guys are gonna sneak into the tunnel? She's so tempted, right, babe? You just wanna use all these spells. No, I don't think she's ever gonna use. How do these fun little tricks really help for me to not have anything?

You guys are gonna follow the blood. Never tempted. Are you guys gonna follow the blood? Yes, but we're sneaking, we're still. Everybody give me a stealth check. Are there any other... Plus 10, my friends. There's just one entrance.

You guys have entered this big room and then it sort of narrows into a tunnel. I got 20. I got 17. Cool. Should be good enough. Everybody's quite distracted. Cool.

I just rolled her a few people. You guys... You guys... You guys begin... Sneaking down this icy tunnel being ever so quiet, but you hear echoing through yells. You hear a bunch of voices. There's like a three-way argument going on. This is just a crit conversation, you know. You hear one voice. Sounds like some kind of hill giant going. You will not pass! That's my boy, that's what I say! And you hear

another voice which you recognize to be Toma of the Winter Wolves being like, Summer Wolf Trickery, you ditched us, you left us to die, you left my brother's sister to die! And you hear another voice hard one that you recognize to be Wilhelm Bronzebeard. Calm down, we have other things to deal with. The dwarves need to be on the same side. We have demons to deal with. We'll settle our own problems later. Just this three-way Mexican standoff argument

as you guys are in this tunnel, what do you do? Can we pee, can see if it is a literal Mexican standoff or if they're wet and strong? So you got Sneakahead, who got the best stealth role? I had a 28. You had a 28 hard one. I don't know what Baldor had though. Okay, Baldor had a 19.

So he's back there with Bev, kind of being like, let's not ruin it, Bev. So Moanshine is kind of behind hard one, hard one. You here, Wilhelm Braun's beard's voice, and your ears kind of peak up. I hate this fuck here. You sneak into the room, stick your head out. Everyone is very distracting, does not see you.

You see this room, it's kind of built like this other room. It's like white covered in ice, icicles hanging down and growing out of the ground. It's shaped like a cone or a V, where it it's wide and then it gets very narrow at the end. You are at the widest part at the entrance of the room and it narrows as it gets further. You see blocking a tunnel at the other end of the room looks at first glance like a fire giant but from your own knowledge is probably heurug. He's this beastly hill giant.

He is shirtless despite the cold, just enormous, ribbling muscles, skin so pale, it's nearly translucent, thick fangs pumping just beneath it. His pupils are bright red and he's got matching red hair glowing with a very unnatural color. I can't help but whisper fuck yet. Yeah Hard one go ahead and give me an insight check. Can I do a report for a silver one? Yeah, I want to report for some be like y'all remember We got that hill giant coin from his papa. Yeah, 18. 18. Hard one. This dude made his deal with the devil.

This guy is sick. This dude is some kind of demon though. Never mind. Is that where my evil sense is coming from? Part of it, certainly. You feel evil in this room. All right. Hard one.

You see he is carrying two enormous shields lined with spikes and they are on fire, just consistently on fire. And you see, it's kind of, it's magic, so it's not like melting the floor or anything, but you do see, you know, there's steam coming off the ice around him just by him being here, but you see, next to him are two, eyeless, winter wolf rangers.

Oh shit, you guys know who that is. Oh, that's good. Oh, with two eyeless wolves next to them. Even the dogs? Yes. And he is currently in a standoff with two other parties. Hard one, you see to the right of you in the right corner of the room is an injured toma.

You see the blood trail goes to her. You see she's been like injured in a battle. You see that Oscar is also hurt. You see his jaw's hanging a little low, like it's been broken. And she's just screaming at the bronze beards, just like, summer doors, you leave us to die. And you see to your left in the other corner

is Wilhelm bronzeard and his knights. You see Wilhelm wears a thick bronze cloak with intricate scale armor underneath, and here's a hammer at his side. He's got a big bushy red beard with a streak of white in it. With him are three bronzebeard knights in plate wearing the bronzebeard tabards. They've also got a bronzebeard cleric

in similar regalia, but he's got a pendant of Moriden. There's also a beefy dwarf with a patchy red beard. It's long, but like a lot of patches have been ripped out. And hard one, you know this to be a dude named Rust. Rust is Wilhelm Bronzebeard's nephew, who he took in after his brother died. Rust's mom was a commoner, and thus Rust is an embarrassment to the family.

But nonetheless, he is desperate to impress the other Bronzebeards, and he is a dumb, sick bastard who definitely bullied you when he was a kid. He's got like, the patches in his beard ripped off. He, when he gets mad, he rips out his beard. Ah! He is a sick fuck. Like you probably don't know how to read because he made fun of you for reading a book. Yeah.

Like this guy is a fuck. All right, cool. He's more chips than shoulder at this point. Yep. So I get a little scared when I see him and not the huge fiery hill giant. How many people, how many dwarves are there? It's rust, the cleric will helm and then two guards.

There are three knights, a cleric, Rust, and will helm. So they've got a party of six. You've got Toma and the wolf in the other corner. And then you've got this insane demon giant with two huge shields. Just looks like Bane had fire powers and were 15 feet tall. That's honestly what the movie was missing. There you go. And also at his side, it was only fine. Presumably on his side are Eilish Winter Wolves. I feel like maybe we'll let them play this out and then kind of

clean up. We go on clean up, Doody. Yeah, I have like a slight concern that all of them were doing wrong. I originally thought that Toma was a real cool lady. I think Toma could still be cool. I. Because Toma got ambushed. Yeah.

Toma tried to defend the winter wolves at the wall. The bronze beards are at the tower. And it sounds the the bronze beards flew away and left them to die. Yeah, Toma But they stole they stole Toma and brought her here No, I think Toma came here to like confront them or something of all three of those in there I'm putting my money in Tomas corner. I agree, but my question is are all three corrupt This episode of NAD podOT has brought to you by Bird Dogs. They're a company that makes pants and shorts, so no matter where you fall and the age old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered. Now we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's

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promo code pop-off at checkout. That's birddogs.com slash pop-off or promo code pop-off for a free Yeti-style Tumblr. You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay, that's it for me, go team pants, and enjoy the show. Well, let's go in order. Heroic, I think, most corrupt. Yeah, absolutely. He clearly made the deal with the devil.

Yeah. We have that coin. We could appeal to his giant tanity. I wonder if there's anything in there to appeal to. Perhaps not. We know how the devil works. Yeah, I think a deal with the devil kind of wipes you of them sort of mortal sensitivity.

Yeah, yeah. And bronze beards number two bad. Yeah. He was also kind of a piece of shit to me as a a piece of pain to me. It pains me to see a bad dad, but that's a bad dad. He's a bad dad. Y'all, do we just make a noise out here

and get them all jumping like a flea's in their foot? Could we? Oh, do you want to try and incite them to violence with like a shot of something? Oh what? We like fire a stray shot so they think that one of them we end this Mexican standoff. And then we watch them fight. We run the simulation. Does anyone have like a wand drawn or anything? That's a good question. You kind of don't fully know Wilhelm's powers. He doesn't have his hammer out for some reason, which is a little suspect.

The other night certainly do. The cleric, you kind of don't know what his deal is. You don't really know Thomas Powers. And Thomas just thereby herself with the job. She and Oscar are just like bearing their teeth at both corners. And Wilhelm Bronzebeard, the conversation happening right now is the Bronzebeard's being like,

fuck what happened, we need to work together right now or we're all gonna die. He's saying that to Toma. He's saying that to Toma. To get by this giant. Yes. You hear them yelling back and forth, Wilhelm's just like,

forget anything that happened, we need to work together. I'll never trust you again, Summer of the Wolf. You just fly off and leave us behind. They're just yelling back and forth. All right, y'all, should I hurry a little flame when my produce flame can trips? Some of my think that Heroic did it.

Wait, should I use an illusion? Yeah, I don't. Why not? Yeah, let me use deception. Let's stack can trips, y'all. Okay, if you wanna do a minor illusion on her spell, I'll add Bev to the... Deception rule?

Deception rule. That's a 13. Uh-oh. You guys shoot the fireball out. You see instantly Wilhelm and Toma turn back there and they go, more fire giants, that's way, do what the fuck. And Will Humb goes, we need to work on the same side.

They're surrounding us from both sides. Ooh, that's smart. Now we got them sure. Okay, okay. Do another fine thing. You see, during this distraction, your rug rushes forward at the bronze beards. Oh shit, now we have to choose this side, though.

I want to turn to hard one and cast protection from energy so that he's protected from fire. And he has resistance to fire. I give Mochina really bad thumbs up. Awesome. And then after that, I fucking fungal form and that's all. Sweet, can we while we're kind of prepping stuff, while this battle is going on, can I also cast

Shield of Faith on Moonshine? Sure. Yeah, get that AC. Cool. So you guys distract the dwarves. They turn around towards you guys. You see, heurog launches forward with his two shields on the ground like a snow plow, just like coming forward, melting the snow around him and collecting snow. Goes after the three nights.

He is going to hit on a shield charge, 20 damage on the first hit. Mercy. So he can actually hit multiple people in a row with his shield charge. So he's gonna keep running through dudes and they're gonna make strength saves. He plows through the second dude.

And he plows through the third night. He plows through the second dude, and he plows through the third night. He plows through the cleric, and will helm bronze beard and rust. And those guys all take 16 damage. He's strong. Yeah. Yeah, I don't wanna fight him. Pure Og makes a second shield attack

on the first guy he hits, and he is going to hit. He does another 30 damage to this dude, and you see one of these guys is just pounded into the snow by a shield and looks insanely hurt. Hard one, you recognize this as being like one of Wilhelm's guardsmen, these are strong knights. These aren't like weeners.

Okay. Are they weeners, hard one? They're not weeners, they're no cold princes. That is Thomas turn. On Thomas turn, she rushes into the hall riding Oscar and sees you guys and she goes, the fuck are you doing here? Shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shh, shh, shh, shh,

no time for that. Let's get this giant. Run your side of your honorable. The fuck, I don't know who to trust anymore. Michelle, I opened the bag of holding and I show her the giant axe. We still have that, right? Yeah, like a frost giant axe. Yeah, we took this from some fucking dead giant

that we slept in. We're on your side. Honestly, I'll take anybody I can get. It's honestly very good to see you guys. All right, let's go You are a crick-a-lf I like you you long dwarf sure I'm a big tall server door. Let's go fuck up some giant Go time let's go so Thomas sees you guys Everybody roll initiative. All right, why not Nine 18 I got a 16 so So that is Tomas Turn.

Toma has seen you guys brief back and forth. You see her and Oscar go towards the giant. She else to the bronze beards. You and I still aren't cool. I'm gonna the fucking kill you flying away with your stupid secret potions, you fucks. She's gonna attack and just bam, bam, two hammer hits in his back and then Oscar jumps up and Bites him in the ass like rips off a piece of his ass just flames flames coming out of his butt

She nice char to ask for you. You'll never stop me You can't stop the cause you'll never stop us the hill dines will be free You can't stop the cause, you'll never stop us. The hell dives will be free. And you'll never sit properly again. As, as, as, as, as. That's true. Try and fight, you're gonna have to get, you're gonna have to get custom made chairs for that.

You're gonna have to get one of those little inflatable donuts. That's turn. Ooh, I get to go first. Ooh, yeah. So bad. You say? So you've got the corner with the bronze beards all womped, they've all been knocked prone by Hearrog

with his two big shields. You've got, Toma is fighting Hearrog. The bronze beards haven't gotten active yet. They haven't done anything. And then you've got the other end of the room, Ilus Winter Wolves. I'm gonna head towards the Ilus Winter Wolves

because I think I can affect damage on them the most effectively. Sweet. Cool. I'm going to cast a first level. Oh, for Scare undead, right? They are dead. Yes.

Yeah, I'm gonna cast Divine Smite on one of the Winter Wolves. Sweet. Talonins. Or a Ranger. There are two Rangers in two worlds. I'm gonna avoid the wolves as best I can. Oh, right.

They are ponds. Most of all in this. They are dead. We are dead. We will kill you. Cool, that's 11 that probably don't hit. 11 does not hit. Okay, let me try again. We were on the hunt with pilgrims. Oh, yeah, you hate to see that happen. I'm gonna send you to Morden. That would be wonderful. Okay. I'm gonna send you to Mordyn. That would be wonderful. Okay. You're in constant hell 19 19 It's us. Okay cool. I do a ceiling strike. He sent them back. Wolves are also talking with them Where's the palprits palprits? I cannot tell you

Come on If hey if I send you to Mordyn will you tell us yes, okay? I might be lying. I'm a demon. That's true. It's a demon. All right. That's 13 damage 13 2d8 and then I think it doesn't extra d8 because they're on dead. Yes, all righty. Nice dude. So that's six Seven seven stop So 14 plus six is 20. Oh, plus 13. Sweet. So 33.

Wow, good damage. Good job. Give more than a kiss on the butt for me. That is, moonshine, sir. All right, I'm running up to here, I'm going after him. Does a 18 hit? 18 does not.

Oh, there's one thing. Wow, he's Christ. I'm both seen naked, but I have two very big shields. 18 hit Mother fuckers Wowie Christ I'm mostly naked but I have two very big shields I will at least spores him for 12 Oh Enemy of the cause You must love law and whatnot You're one of those people who just follows the rules and does everything straight by the book aren't you?

Yes sir! That's kind of how I... See myself? Fuck me like I followed the rules of Malora. The rules of Malora. The rules of Malora, but I don't know who that is. Somewhat chaotic. You know Malora?

Root. Root is a reverence for, you know, if you see weeds growing, you don't make a move. Everyone shut up. You see as a hare bursts into a streak of fire. That's Balnor's turn. Balnor will rush forward, take a couple cracks. It's here, rock. Misses on the first attack. Miss, take a couple cracks. It's here, Ag. misses on the first attack.

This is on the second attack. He's hard to hit. That is Rust's turn. Rust gets up from being prone, and he goes, Don't worry, Dad, I'll help you, man. He attacks. Another big strong adult son. He's like a shitty Jon Snow. He's a Ramsey. He's a Ramsey Bull. He's a Ramsey Snow.

He's a turn bolted. Is he a bolted yet? Did they call him Bronzebeard? Yes, he is technically a Bronzebeard. He's a great shame to the family. He does not hit on his first attack. He takes a second attack with his spear. He has a spear. He missed on a second attack. He hits on his third attack.

Oh, God, he gets three. Yeah, you know, he's strong, hard one. He does 12 damage to Heroog. That is the Isle of Storves and Wolf's turn. They are going to rush forward and go after Bev. Bring it. Um. You are aberrations in the eyes of the Lord.

Ha ha ha ha. We feel like we are still people, even though we are demons. Well, it's, you have very narrow definition, I suppose. Well, you know, fuck you, man. I guess it's really more of a philosophical discussion. I wrote two twos on my attack.

Second guy goes, he hits on one attack. Yeah, you see he's got a hammer. I still on my attack. Second guy goes, he hits on one attack. Yeah, you see he's got a hammer. That still used my hammer. Hit the one that reminds me of when I was alive. Oh, that's just real tragic. 10 damage. Oh boy.

And then one of the wolves is going to take a bite at ya. That's 18 to hit. The knit doesn't hit. Misses. Second wolf takes a bite at ya. And Mrs. So they just like bounce into my shield. Yeah, courage, they're mostly fighting.

They're furiously biting at your shield. That's awesome. So picturing like wolves just like not being able to get like just like going against your shield. My hand is like quivering above them and being like don't pet, don't pet. Ha ha ha. Oh.

And you see as. They're all snog dogs. As you guys run in, there's such a flurry right now. This has all happened in a couple seconds so the bronze beards haven't even seen you guys yet, but that is your turn, hard one. Ah, okay, I'm gonna come in and can I do two things? One, hold up the Hirag coin.

Ah, okay. And two throw my javelin. So I wanna say at here, your dad would be very disappointed in you. You're gonna throw a spear at him. Roll a persuasion check with disadvantage. Is it persuasion? Is it persuasion or it?

Because you're holding up the coin but then you're attacking him. I think you should. Oh, I see. I thought it was a distraction. Okay. No, I guess I just wanted him to know that we knew his damage.

Okay, cool. But no, all right. So now that I'm thinking about it, go ahead and roll a persuasion check with disadvantage. Okay, fine. This is what you did. Yep.

Nine. Nine. Nine. You hold up the coin as you pull up your javelin. You see, he hurried turn soon goes, I don't know what the fuck that coin is. Javelin flies out and I'm going to make an attack with the javelin. You see here our turn soon goes, I don't know what the fuck that coin is Javelin flies out. I'm going to make an attack with the javelin great Shout out to the two crew. Oh

Terrible javelin flings into the wall. You have a second attack. Hey, I'm not at rust Cousin rust wait, what are you doing here, man? That is in that one You dank hardcore and you miss. Um, and you see, as soon as you show up and start firing at your rug and stuff, you see Rust goes, Dad, Dad, he's here. He's the one who killed Gemma. Uh, and Will Humbos, how dare you come back here. You've come to ruin us again, have you? We'll settle this after this. We've got bigger things to deal with.

You always meddling in everything. Hey, at least you've got some big money. I wait, big money. You feel like the call? Oh yeah, I got big money. Wilhelm, Bronzebeard, scolds you. And he's gonna take his turn. He's going to start running towards like Bev towards the winter wolves and the other guy

He's gonna take an opportunity to take an opportunity He takes an opportunity to attack from here, Rog and he takes Shoot he takes 15 damage Hmm, but he keeps running over towards Bev and he's going to go ahead and take a crack with his hammer against one of these wolves. I don't know who you are, but if you are involved, my daughter's death will settle this after.

His daughter seemed very nice. And he hits this one dude, and he does 11 damage to the wolf. He doesn't seem to have a problem with hitting a wolf. Mr. Wilhelm, sir, anyone that's French to my friend is a good person. That is the cleric's turn. He's going to go ahead and- I was probably take care of this fella. He's going to go ahead and cure the dude who got fucking stomped.

He's on our side right now. I don't think he's going to heal us, but yeah. You see this guy who's on the ground who's been shielded't think he's gonna heal us, but yeah. You see this guy who's like on the ground who's been shielded into the ground, gets healed a little bit more by this one cleric. Prismore, then Prismore, then Prismore, then just fear in his eyes. Like in Lord of the Rings,

waiting at the gate for the trolls to come through. Oh, that is the night's turn. They are going to get up from prone and they are going to get up from prone and they are going to take cracks in Kurog. One guy hits for 13 and another guy hits on the second attack for another 10.

Kurog looks fine. That is Kurog's turn. You little folk, you screwed with his ill giants back in the day and you're messing with the boss's master plan here. The ill giants will raid supreme. And he takes two cracks at this one night that just got healed. The poor god damn guy. Praise mornin.

Yeah, the cleric is doing last rights for him. What are his last confessions? This was morally great! Get shoved into the ground. You see his neck is broken as he's like a cordy into the ground. Then he's gonna take his second attack against the another night next to them. He's gonna hit and he does another 23 damage to one of these nights, badly hurting him.

Wow. I just eat some gorp while this is all happening. It's gone. Taken it in. That is Toma. To-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to She hits once with her hammer one time for 10 damage, and then Oscar's gonna take a bite. Oscar misses with his bite. Aw, come on, Oscar.

Bebs turn. Once more, Smite into the night. Sweet. Ooh, that's the 19. Smite smite against the dying of the light. 19 plus eight, that hits. Smite against the dying of the light. Yes.

Moonshine, can I hire you as my writer? Yeah, I don't know how to do that, but I can dictate the pop on. He can term my words. Okay, we'll get him a typewriter. Okay, so that's going to be 13 damage. He's looking pretty messed up, but he's not on like DeathStore or anything.

And that's my first attack, sweet. And then does 21 hit. 21 does hit. Yes. Cool. We are just playing our Wolf Cloaks. We were very proud to get them when we got them. I feel like you guys would be great in an Acapella troupe.

Can you do some beach boys? Or like a Greek chorus? Oh yeah. Oh. Guys, you don't want to hear it, you don't know what to hear it. You don't really know what to hear it. Yeah, it's enough. I slash for 13 more damage.

Sweet. Oh man, these dudes, very hurt. And then on this one, I'll do my Divine Smite. So that's going to be three extra D8s. Do it up. Oh yeah, let's take one down, baby. It's four. Four.

Seven. So eight and seven, that's 15. 15, yeah. four seven. So eight and seven, that's 15, yeah. Stude is on death, she's doing whatever. But he's alive. Let him in, death. That is Moonshan Stern. I'd like to spores the guy who's on death's door. Okay, Shuragi's gonna get an opportunity attack

if you go join. No, no, this is range. I got 10 feet. It's further than 10 feet here. Bevere and across the room. I'm gonna say, bev used as speed. All right, I'm just gonna attack here. Very fast.

Unlike a green song. That's funny. Oh, man, I create with Rosalene, does that mean I got a charge? You do get a charge up right here. He, Rosalene, glows bright. Unfortunately, unfortunately, Alas, he is immune to fire damage. So you're just gonna roll 46s for Rosaline.

I'm really sorry, I don't mean to disappoint you. 23! 23! 23! 23! 23! And then I'm gonna go ahead and spores him for 12. Nice! He's still looking pretty healthy, but he's pretty hurt. So 35. Dope. Good turn. You wouldn't take my fucking fire damage, but. Wait, do you have chill touch equipped?

I do, but that's necrotic, not like. Oh yeah, you're right. Also, these guys tend to just have immunities. They don't have like... But also, I'm in rage right now. Which is like partially for like resistance. Like whenever I get super fucked up, I can come rage right now, which is like partially for resistance, whenever I get super fucked up, I can come out and then do spells.

Well, Nart takes two attacks, this dude just has too much AC. Nart is doing good, but this dude's just blocking with his shields. Keep that at a bell, Rast. Wait, can I just look at Rosalene and be like, how many charges do you need? Like I wanna do some kind of insight,

be like, what's the point? You wanna do insight, go ahead and do it. Yeah. 16. I see. Like I wanna do like some kind of insight, be like, what's your secret? You wanna do insight, go ahead and do it inside check. Yeah. Yeah. 16. You remember that the way Galad used Rosaline was to create other scrying swords.

That's why I created another scrying sword. Ah. And that is the trickery unfolds. That is Rust's turn and on Rust's turn, he looks at hard one and he goes, oh, dad, dad, who should I kill? Should I kill this little fucker? And he looks over at you like a bully.

You're like fucking four feet taller than him. But he's super good. And I go, psh, but I'm like scared. And Willa goes, deal with the giant first, you fool. Hit the mess. And Rust takes some attacks. He hits with his spear once on Herog for seven damage.

Wow. I'm like, sorry, Rust, no offense. I know we're in the middle of battle, but I just did 35. And he did. Like I care. Seven. Whatever man.

I just want to be clear, you did do seven, right? When you talk, I can see so much of your gun. This dude loves reading, he used to read all the time. Yeah, it's a hard one. Readin's very cool. I'm trying to run down. I never read what's in my goddamn heart. Yeah, he read though, I saw every way he wrote one time. I saw him read you, but he gives you a dead arm Readings very cool

Seriously Okay, um that is the Winter Wolves turn. I'll say one wolf goes after Bev. Misses, one Ranger goes after Bev. Misses. One Ranger goes after Wilhelm hits. And then another Wolf goes after Wilhelm and Misses. You see, he dodges and uses his hammer to hit its face. Cool.

That is hard one's turn. You gonna read a book on your turn, man? I can read a fucking book. Yeah. I'm not reading a book. I turn to Mocha. You're the dwarvenish man. You don't have a dad or a mom. I actually found out who my dad and my mom.

Oh yeah? Yeah, and they who my dad and my mom. Oh yeah? Yeah, and they were fucking kings and go later on. I winked at Mocha. Yeah, my mom was super hot. I'm just sent you in check with advantage and he's gonna roll that tells you to check with disadvantage. Wow, 20.

20, okay, he rolled eight four. He turns to Willum. And Willum is fully not his dad. Rust turns to Willum and Willum is fully not his dad Rust turns to Willum and goes like daddy are no you said he was a bastard And then he was no good for Jebap, but he said to his mom and his dad are a king and queen Jason it's they're not Stop listening to him Now that's your turn hard one you okay. I'm gonna take a swing at your hog with my axe cool Seems like you guys have something going on maybe attack someone else, huh?

That is 13 I just did with this big shield Jesus Christ. You're so intimidated in front of yes I'll try one more time. Did he psychically damage you so much that you forgot how to read 16 That doesn't hit either blocks it with this shield That is will helm Bronze Beards turn. On Wilhelm Bronze Beards turn, he is going to make a break for the tunnel. He takes an attack of opportunity from a ranger who misses and a wolf. The tunnel we just came from, or a new tunnel that we have been in.

Oh, on the other end of the room. He takes a little bit of damage. You see Wilhelm is starting to look a little fucked up and frazzled. He's been hit by Heurog's shield. He's been bitten by this wolf. He's been attacked. But he makes it to the other side and he makes it through the tunnel. And he looks into the cave and he it to the other side and he makes it through the tunnel and

He looks into the cave and he yells to the other bronze beards. Your sacrifices will be remembered rust do what you need to do I'm proud of you and he puts up a wall of stone and you don't see him anymore. Tunnel is blocked You mother fucker. I told my what's he doing? You see the bronze spirits look shocked except for Russ, who goes, oh, he's fucking proud of me, man. That is the cleric's turn, who is now insanely concerned. Oh fuck, we're gonna die. We're gonna fucking die here. That's the spirit. Uh, we're gonna lose.

Uh, he's gonna go ahead and cast a cure wounds third level last third level he has He heals one of the guys who's very hurt that is The night's turn they're gonna keep taking cracks at Herog one hits For another 12 damage. I'm kind of brave. Telling yourself that why? Why did our Patriarch did just, man? And then the other one misses completely. That is back around a hero log, takes one attack, boom. Flattens the dude who is just healed.

Okay, turns to, you know what, I'm gonna roll a D20. I'll say 11 through 20, he keeps going after bronze beards and not one of you guys who's up there in the middle. Great dice, D20. Three, he goes after hard one. You know, I technically haven't hit you yet. Wait, but you have protection from flame. I do have protection from fire.

Okay, first attack on you, that is a 26 to hit. Misses. 21 bludgeoning damage. 10 more fire damage. She only take five. So five more to that. So five more to that. Total.

26 total. And then an extra four piercing damage. So 30 total. Yes, so he takes a second shield attack. And he misses. He rolls a three. Thank God. Yeah. Who? What do you add? 68. Okay. I guess you're learning that in your castle, huh, man? Uh-huh. Rest class. You know, Russ, that was a pretty you my whole life, but now I feel kind of sad for you. Why, man? It's mostly your large gums. Yeah Dude, I'm gonna save the world man when Jaina gets the King's hammer. We're all the bronze viewers are gonna be fucking set man

It's just you have a beard and then gum and then teeth you think that the mustache would cover the gum I'm just so confused Jaina doesn't know that she wants it, but so she doesn't want to get married, but if she comes to Frostwind and if Jaina's not there anymore, then Jaina is gonna have to get married. And if Jaina is the warrior in the relationship, she'll get the hammer.

So she's gonna get the hammer and that's really good for the bronze beards. Okay, that's really interesting information, but can we just shine a little light on the warrior in the relationship? That's kind of cool. Yeah, I don't know a lot about that. Yeah, my dad will super woke.

Well, you're really good. You're uncle. My dad, man. Well, not really. Yeah, no. No, yeah. It just makes me re-examine every relationship I've been in and being like, was I the warrior. Oh, yeah, you were always the warrior. Yeah

I got that you thought about dynamic. What the fuck are you talking about? Yes, he told my just bleeding. It's just everywhere. Listen to another crack She misses both her hammer text and Oscar does hit on a bite for just a little bit damage is free Was Toma the one that was bleeding along the trail Yes, okay just confirming that is best. Yeah, I'm gonna keep working at these these anti-nights these anti-paladins I don't like your look Hey, the no eyes. It's a bad look You should wear glasses or something like that. I do have an extra

I kind of like it, but I don't like what, how you wear it. I minor illusion a pair of googly eyes on them. Thank you so much, it's honestly hell. Yeah, I just came. That's really funny. You look good. You got your confidence back. That's a 20. 20 hits.

How the anti-pelladin's got their group back. Alright. That's going to be 13 on the first hit. Sweet. You fully kill one. Oh cool. And the only thing you can cleave in too is the eyeless wolf next to it.

No! All right. Oh! How much damage did they take? 11. All right, cool. Just let me know when they're almost dead. And I'll put them down gently.

You're like, knock them out. Cool. All right, on my second attack, oh shit, does a 15 hit? It does hit the wolf, yes. Okay. Because you had, you and Will Helm were like taking a, he had a wolf in a range of you to wolf in a range of you. Is the other a range or dead?

If you want to fight the other range, you're going to need to take an opportunity to attack from this wolf. It's a devil wolf. All right, I'll kill the devil wolf. I'll send it to the farm upstate. Oh. 15, does that it? Yeah, cool, I'll kill the devil wolf. I'll send it to the farm upstate. Oh! 15, does that it?

Yeah, cool. Put it in the foster care. All right, that's going to be 14 damage. Cool. Is it still alive? Yes. I'm not going to use a divine smite on this. You can't.

Yeah. Okay, cool. That's my turn. Sweet, that's Moonshester. All right, I think I'm gonna take the opportunity attack and run towards the stone wall and gash his form through it. Oh, dope. I think I'm gonna chase down that boat.

My AC is a 19 right now, remember? Uh, he gets a 14, he misses. Ha ha! Cool. And then I'm running to the wall and I'm gashes forming through it. Cool. You will need to, so you are over by your rug. Mm-hmm.

He used one turn to get halfway across the room, then ran the other way. So you can't do spell and dash action in the same turn. Okay, then I'm just gonna run as far as I can and right when I get up to the thing I'm gonna at least because now am I at least near that dog you can get to the wall Yeah, but am I also passing the wolf along the way? Yes, then I'm gonna I'm gonna spores it on my way for 12. Okay, still alive And then I'm gonna and then I'm gonna get to the wall cool you get up to Willum bronze beards wall stone wall That is Balnor's turn Balnor just gonna take some cracks if you're wrong Mrs. Both Times. Fuck him up, Belnor. Guy is tough. Take into the action surge. Hits.

Hey, here we go. This guy has a lot of damn AC. Does eight damage, don't you? Use that fatherly stubbornness, Belnor. He's looking. Herox looking pretty messed up. Belnor, if you do fight... What do you, what do you ever get to see against heal giants?

Just, you just have something against heal giants that made a pact with ill said, that's kind of it. I shout from across the room. Don't tell him how we slept in the body of a Hill Giant. He didn't do that. What? He slept in one of my brothers. No, it's the inside joke.

That's Rust's turn. Rust is going to... He must have a custom size to For those a little poor lease on rust turn. He sees that like Hurrog is a little bit hurt And he turns and he attempts to stab hard on with a spear. Wow He misses shout out to the two crew You get your fucking top now man. Stupid little bastard. You're still a. You think you're fucking tough now, man? Stupid little bastard. You're still a fucking dick, dude.

You're still a fucking turd. I know it. Did you just miss me both times? Nope. All right. On my second attack, I got 10. Okay, yeah. I blocked that.

I feel like there's no heat to 10 damage. Oh. He got like a 20 to hit. Got it. And he got a 22 to hit on a second. You're disobeying Wilhelm. I thought he missed the first one. He missed the first one. He hit with the second one and he hit with the third. Oh, he has a third. Yes. So he does 14 damage on the last attack. Okay. Fight me, man. That is the eyeless Dorf's turn. One of them is dead, so the one is just gonna take a crack at Beth.

Missing it. Shout out to the two crew. Two wolves. One misses. Second one misses. That is hard one's turn. Okay, I'm gonna try to attack Heroic. You're ignoring the taunts of gummy rust? Yeah, I push his gums out of my face. What? Not get off. But you're either normal sized. 18? It's not that it's... 18 does not hit. Of course it doesn't. All right, try again.

19. 19 does not hit. Okay, I'm gonna take a look at Bev's amulet. Shree. And then I'm gonna action surge on, yeah, I'm gonna action surge on... Yeah, I'm gonna action surge on Rust. You action surge on Rust? I'm tired of you pushing me around.

You gonna pop him? Yeah, I'm gonna pop him. You and Rust are fighting back and forth. You see the cleric and the other knight that's still alive. Or just like, what the fuck are you doing? You fucking idiots! 18 hit Rust. That does hit Rust.

Oh God. You know, bring it, man. I just want to hit some 18 damage. Let's settle this. Yeah, bust this rust. Get him. I'm gonna try to hit him again. Cool. 25 25 hits. Why wasn't I doing this on the fucking giant? It giant has a lot more easy than rust. 14. Kick his ass. Hard one. He's still looking pretty good. Yeah, I just wanted to let him know I could fight to him. Yeah, clear it, it's just a midline. What the fuck are both of you doing? We're gonna die.

He started it. I don't sound like that. Both of you, both of you. He is going to... Hard one. Give me a opposed charisma check against Rust. He has eight. He better beat those. Mariness eight. He better beat this.

Marinas too. All right. 15. Cool, he got an eight. You see the cleric does a second level cure wounds on you. Heels you up for 15. Damn, don't. And he goes,

She'll too. Stop fighting. Stop fighting your fools. We'll figure this out later! Uh, he started! Why did you heal them? I'm gonna tell Dad! Dad's gonna be pissed at you! You know what I'm talking about?

Tell your uncle! No, it's not my uncle! I thought my nose had him. Fuck you! You slap him! You slap him! Um, that is the other night's turn. The other night, uh, takes two cracks at...

Oh, he crits! 16 damage to Herog, not insignificant at all. Not a bit. Hirag ain't looking great. And that is Hirag's turn, unfortunately. He is going to, what was he who's going after hard one already. So I'll take his shot. So what was he going to do?

Ooh, 18 to hit. Does not hit. Does not hit. Good. First attack misses. 16 to hit. Good, not hit. Second attack misses.

All right, so I'm dancing. You see? You might tongue out at the thrust. Hard one. You see as shearog is swinging at you. You see the look on his face, just this look of pure determination. And you see it flashes between like, I will free my people and like flashes of like,

I will destroy all living things. Just like this tense, two-track mind as it were, I suppose. Oh shit, he's gollaming. And that is become smegel. Is he binary? That is Thomas turn. Toma takes two attacks and hits once.

Shit, does 12 damage to hero, heroics look at real fucked up. Oscar misses his attack. That's Bev's turn. All right. We got one hollow in the left. One pretty hurt, wolf, one full health, wolf, one full health, dwarf. All right, I'm going for the other dwarf.

Keeping these guys off of your case, you go for Heroog. I'm sending them all up to a big nice farm where they can play together. Yeah. I'm sending up to Moridan's trailer park. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, maybe not that to Moridan's trailer park. Yeah. Yeah. No, maybe not that time.

That's 14? Wait, no. 14 to hit? Wait, what is 8 plus 8? It's a dog. 6 is 14. Yeah. No, he attacked a dwarf.

Does not hit the dwarf. Blocked him in a shield. Let me do one more. OK. Oh, all right, that'll hit. That's 22. 22 hits It's gonna be 12 damage, okay, and I would like to divine smite

Sweet and you know what other fuck not I'm gonna do a second level on this one I'm good What ever man do you want to go to my dead? I would love to go to heaven. Yeah, we're gonna play touch football Oh you ain't going to heaven'm already dead, I would love to go to heaven. Yeah, we're gonna play touch football. Oh, you ain't going to heaven. Me? What did I do wrong? Well, it's dwarves believe in heaven, I figured you could believe in Mount So,

I'm believing becoming part of more than four. Yeah, we like heaven to me. We just dip you into a big hot vat of molten holy lava. That'd be wonderful. All right, cool. So much. So that's gonna be 48, I guess.

That's seven for the first one. Shoot. Five for the second one. So 12. Okay. Plus six, so 18. Plus another six. So 24.

He's quite hurt. All right, great. That's my turn. That is Moontan's turn. Well, first off, Amat Within Range 2. Is there anyone within range that I can just do a quick? You have enough room that you can run back a little bit towards Bev,

sport somebody run back in gaseous form if you just wanna get through the wall. There's a hurt wolf, dude. Yeah. Okay, you wanna go, sport's the wolf? Yeah. Cool, wolf is still alive. No!

Why won't you give me any zombies? All right, and then I run to the wall So, sports the wolf? Yeah. Cool. Wolf is still alive. No! Why won't you give me any zombies? All right. And then I run to the wall and I gash his form through. What do I see? You gash his form through. Empty tunnel. There looks to be another cave down the way.

You do not see Wilhelm Bronzebeard in here. That is Boundor's turn. Boundor. I'm just going to take some swings at Heurog. Take some chops. shops misses both times that is rusts turn Rust is gonna hold the reaction to see what hard one does Smart yo you piece of shit. Oh, does he with the full? Coward you're a flinch man. You're gonna flinch. He like flexes his shoulders at you

That is the eyeless dwarfs in Wolfstern. We'll take a crack at Bev. Guy hits on his first attack for 11 damage. Hits on his second attack for 12 damage. And then the one wolf is going to hit for 12 damage and then Bev, I am going to need you to make a strength saving throw. Aha, that is going to be a 21.

Sweet, okay, the wolf light goes to pull you down to like knock you prone and you push it off you. That is hard one's turn. Cool, I hip check, rust, out of the way, fucking jerk. A nice swing at Huron. Okay. Finally, Nat 20.

Woo! There it is. Is that hit? Yes. You asshole. Certainly hits. Great. 29.

Hard one. Finish him. No, no, no, no. I didn't know if I wanted to. You can choose how you want to do this. Yeah, wait. We're just down. I think we could get exercise him. Hero, you made a, you have a noble cause, but you made a bad deal. This is me, I guess, wrestling him, holding my axe to his throat, trying to get him to submit.

Okay. So you, I'm gonna say that with that within that 20, he's this big fucking dude. So you like crack him with like the end of your axe, almost using it like a bow and you do a ton of damage, you like break his nose, he's super fucked up. He starts to fall back and you go and you like start to pin him down. You know what, maybe I can I sort of do a leg lock around his neck. So I'm spraying it. I can't get my arms right. His neck about my legs are just big enough. Just fucking tap. That's so good.

And you're just like looking down and like trying to give him a pep talk. Yeah, what's bringing his ear? He's refusing to tap. I talked to your daddy, made me a fucking daiquiri. This is what he wanted. I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say with a nat 20, I'll let that also be like your persuasion check.

So hard one. You break his nose with the. So hard one. You Break his nose with the side of the axe. You see he's already like greatly injured He's been fighting all of these guys. He's hurt so many dudes. He he fought earlier today You know he was in you assume he was in the battle At the base of the mountain as he begins to fall back you jump on him you get him in like a triangle choke You're trying to like choke him out with your legs and you're like begging him like, I know your dad, I know you're not like this.

And you see, he's got this like insane face of fury and you see the thick veins and arteries underneath his skin pumping. Like this dude is just sick. He's got some kind of insane curse but when you mention his dad you see for a brief second his eyes go from red to brown and he goes my dad's alive your dad's a fucking bartender, baby. A bartender, where? Smuggler's bounty. I don't know where that is.

Whatever, I needed the power. I needed the power to help my people. You had a noble cause. I needed the power. You made a bad deal. I needed the power. You can still have a different power. Suddenly, rust stabs him in the back of the knife.

No! You fucking bully. And you see, here are his eyes just still. And he's just dead. We could have saved him. We got a man tag team. You've always been a dick rust. He's a fucking bad guy, man.

He's a giant. Giant's our bad guy, Sidious. The world is not that black and white. It is, I got my bad guy. Because I'm a bastard. Yeah, you're bad man. That is the cleric's turn. See, the cleric is just like,

I don't know what just happened there. And he runs over and he's just gonna take a crack at these eyeless guys He hits the wolf he just does a little eight damage that is The single night who is still alive who goes like you guys seem like you so they should work out good job Taking him out gang. We're not a gang. We're not a team. No, no, we a tag team. We're not a tag team. I'm part of the tag team a little bit. Yeah, we did it, guys. He runs over.

And he is going to hit the wolf. Wolf is on death's door. That is your rock's turn, your rock is dead. Oh, no. Toma goes. She rushes over and she says, to put my brother and sister to rest, join Muradin's forge.

She attacks, cracks the wolf, sends it to the afterlife. Big old farm. Ooh. A big hot farm. Big hot farm. No big cold farm. What are your cold?

I just realized if I'd be able to turn one of those wolves into a zombie, could I even have, because it was already undead. I might have allowed it with some fuckery. You see, she hits the... I've got the mushroom eyes. What is there? There's another wolf and there's another guy. She hits another dude, she hits the guy for another 10 damage Oscar misses that is Bev's turn okay

Tomo let's send them let's let them swim forever in the love of the forge as One big orange goop. Have you read our holy books? I got a 20 the orange goop Yeah, if you want to smite that's double damage as well. Oh, yeah, 20. No, yeah. Yeah, if you want to smite, that's double damage as well. Oh, yeah, sweet. I want to end them. I want to do a Morid and Pelor team up. Dope. All right.

You do Marvel vs Capcom with Toma on the Ranger. Oh, shit. Do we like team up when we do like a double damage? Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah. 23, 20, shit. Yeah. Yeah. 23, 20, shit. Shit. 27.

Fully kill this dwarf. It's just the wolf left. Okay. Did he cleave? Yeah, he did three damage to the wolf. Nice. Toma, you have a affinity for these wolves and you know where they desire to go in the afterlife.

Please send him. Hmm. On my next turn, I will. Ah, that's Moonshine's him. On my next turn, I will. That's Moonshide's turn. That was my first attack. Oh, I'm gonna take a attack. I give you permission to do it.

Thank you. Want to die. These are the, let my brothers and sisters rest. All right, that's going to be a 26. 26 sets. 11 damage. 11 damage, sweet. That is Moonshide's turn. Okay, I would like to cast Locate Object

on Wilhelm's shield or whatever. I remember. Like something that I saw on him. Okay, last turn, Wilhelm took a dash action, clearly. Yeah. And he is, you cannot see him, but you can assume he's in the cavern that you can see down the way.

So it lasts for 10 minutes, this low-K object. So I can kind of use it to trail him for up to 10 minutes. A homing bee. Is that right? It's a duration, up to 10 minutes. Okay. Okay, so I'm just booking it for him. Okay, that it's Balnor's turn. Balnor. Rested up and joins Bev. Kind of doesn't know what else to do. I guess if you want to kill a dog, you can. This is a bad dog.

It's a bad dog. Confirmed a demon dog. Yeah, I know. I know Still a puppy though. It's just it's rough. It's not the puppy. It's a wolf Balnor does 14 damage to this puppy. It's here's are still kind of soft and velvety is the issue that this true They do still feel like little rose but I was gonna flick that little ear, you know, that is Rust's turn. Well, I know one guy that won't mind killing a dog even if it wasn't a demon. Ain't that right, buddy? Rust is going to kind of hold the reaction to see how hard one reacts. He kind of gets up in your face, he goes,

what, re-friends with giants, man? You fucking friends with giants, dude? All I know is that I'm not friends with you, Rust. Yeah, you're damn right, you're not friends with me. I headbutton. Yeah. He attacks you. Oh, no. Yeah, you're damn right, you're not friends with me. I headbutton. Yeah. He attacks you. Oh no.

He'll take his attacks. He hits. Right, why wouldn't he? 13 damage on the first hit. Second attack. Misses, third attack. 19 a hit. 19 hits.

Okay. 12 damage. Cool. That is the eyeless, just the wolf left. Wolf goes after Bev. Okay, so the wolf hits for 10. That is back around a hard one. I'm gonna try to finish off the wolf.

Okay. My shoulder bump, uh, rust as I walk away. Rust is gonna get an opportunity attack as you run away. Jesus Christ, fine. He hits. Let's see if this cleric will heal me afterwards. That is 11 damage. Oh, okay.

He's so weak. I crit on the wolf. Dope. Can I cleave through the wolf and hit Ross? Why do you hate him, Ross? No, Rusted Rusted is far away. I crit on Animal. I'm not sure if it.

Hard one just finished the wolf. The wolf is pretty hurt. And yeah, Animal. I'm sure for it. Hard one just finished the wolf. The wolf is pretty hurt and yeah, you've killed it. Finish it. I respect the fully pleased Thomasus. Sweet. I use my throwing axe and I do like a really, really quick kind of like kosher kill right on the vein. Yeah, Nett the Vain. Nett Stark style.

Yeah. Just like pet it and do the knife. And how you kill something with honors. Yeah. And I make eye contact with Rust. What? It's a fucking bad dog. You just kill it. It's lived a good life.

So you guys are out of combat. Cool. It is. Am I out of combat? Rust keeps on attacking me. Yeah, you guys are in sort of a tense situation. Moonshine is in the other room. You guys have this wall up.

You guys are trapped in this cave. It is you guys, Toma, the cleric, a knight, and Rust. And Moonshine's in the other room, chasing Wilhelm.

And Rust goes, what are you guys doing doing dad said to do what we need to do and we know that hard one killed Gemma because he hates our family And he wants to ruin us. So what we have to do is get hard one. You don't know but dude. You don't know what shit I need killed Gemma. You don't know but man. You don't know but don't copy me shut up. You shut up. Fuck you man you don't know but you shut up you shut up fuck you fuck you man flashbacks to the door for me I kick a shin you see you see I told my goes I did not trust anything you red beards have to say you had us lead you through the mountains escort you to mount Forge then as soon as dragon shows up you fly away. Huh? Dragon you say?

Do you come again? And that's where we'll enter our episode. Ah! Huh. Okay. Unlikely alliances. That change of shit. Did not expect a dragon.

Does cast some new light on what the fuck was going on. Yeah, yeah. Well, let's fret about it on the short rest. Yeah, okay. Save the frets for the short rest. Yep. Fretz on the rest. Fretz on the rest.

Felt so good too. We'll talk about this on the short rest, but Rust getting to be such a dumb bastard and just curfew. Virag even after you got to turn. Oh, yeah. Such a shithead. I hate Rust so much and he's dwindled my health quite a bit.

I, we need to have a master class with Murph on designing shitheads. The problem is that he's not, not strong. He'd like, he sounds dumb, so he's stabbing you in the back. He's a winner. No, he's strong. Yeah, that was cool. I liked the way the dynamics of that kind of Mexican standoff situation was really fun. Yeah.

We'll talk about it more in the short rest. Yes, we will. Let's please. Yeah, thank you so much for listening. You can head on over to patreon.com slash nad pod to hear us talk more about this episode. Oh, yeah. Very eventful.

Mm-hmm. And we got a bunch of stuff to pull out. Guys, watch hot date on Netflix. Me and Emily Sketch show. show can also buy our book It's called hey you up had a turn of booty call inter emergency contact get on Amazon or audible And you can watch us on fantasy high on college humors drop out streaming service To dnd play show you guys also have things on drop out very much do We have cartoon hell, which is a show I do

with a Jonathan Tinkal himself, Nathan Yaffe. We have some fun guests coming up on the show soon. The timing is weird because of how we record these, but I think Adam Connovers gonna be on an episode coming up as well as Lisa Hannah Walt. I'm very excited for both of them to make their appearances within the Hell Realm. Jake, you've got a show on the net as well.

I'm here and I wrote Lonely and Horny. I directed it. I'm here stars in it. It's very fun. It's on Dropout. The sign up code for all this, so College of Immunos, we sent you is signup.dropout.tv slash nad pod. Tell them pop off sent you.

Check it out, guys. Tell them, rrr ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. Yeah, use coupon code, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. Guys, follow us on Twitter at THMRIFFSME, AdiExpert is Emily, ad called he is called all and Adjikurowitz is Jake and tweet about the show using hashtag, nadpod, that's n-a-d-d-p-o-d. Oh, we are, we are, youth of the nation, we are, youth of the nation, we are, we are,

Youth of the nation. It's the end of the show, everybody, and that means we need to shout out our benevolent Council of Elders. Y'all treat us so right. Starting with Brad D, the only pebble bot that isn't Craven. Most people resolved to spend more time with family, but Brad's 2019 resolution is to completely cut them up. J-LOMAS 72, aka Steelbreaker, hard ones, gymspirations, somehow grew another two abs over the holidays. Oh, that's hard with all that good food, and yet J-LOMAS, Dylan B, a sword-wielding wizard

who accidentally invented blade-singing, played a beautiful rendition of old Langzain as the ball dropped, then accidentally flung a blade and cut it in half. Ruined New Year's, Danny P., Bahumiya's resident artist painted hard-one senior portrait at the doorfinage, also painted rusts senior portrait, but just did a stick figure so he wouldn't have to hang out with rust for so long. Yeah, yeah, rust ain't great. Tom P, father of the realm and serenader of sleeping babies, Tom invented the dwarven

pet packs to keep up with his kids. Go easy on that stuff, Tom. Spencer Casper, patron elder of libations, ill-maker to gods and heroes of Bohemia alike, set up a ski-lodge-style outdoor beer garden at Totmount Forge. Morrodan occasionally reaches through the gash to have his drink freshened. Oh, a frosty cold weather beer garden signed me up. And of course, Griven SDAK, the stranger, the silver dragonborn Eldridge Knight, an ex-owner of the Badger's P in Tavern, Griffin's new gym, the Silver

Hypothesis, is killing it in the new year, destroying the Badgers orange fitness. Here's hoping the Silver Hypothesis members stick with their New Year's resolutions. Beardman Dan, the longest beard in all of Bohemia, stretches so far it reaches the Fey Wild once tripping Bef's dad into an enchanted flower bed. What a nice landing. Scott D, a go-man with a healthy sex life, likes to get down like two or three times a week, just keeps up a good pace. That's healthy.

Aaron C, the homeless man that was used by the band of boobs, to distract the chosen back in Galator on. After burning down the food truck, he was arrested by the chosen, but later escaped through the drill car hole and is currently tracking the band of foods. Oh no, I hope that ain't true. Hermes W. The Bat King. Fun fact, the New Year's bats don't watch the ball, because they can't see it. So Hermes sends out a sonic signal at midnight that makes them all shit themselves.

Oh, interesting. RJW, a dwarf in who made it out of the dwarf inage and got a great job as a dwarven engineer, building mine carts that are fueled purely by his love of iron ore. Spartus, a dwarven warrior who bullied Russ to ask a kid kicking off a horrible cycle of abuse in toxic dwarven masculinity throughout the dwarf inage. Charifying, Adam R, the R-rated assassin, the arch enemy of Radom A, the G-rated assassin, the aw-shocks to Adam's aw-fuck. Here's hoping Adam kills that fucking nerd this year.

Hell yeah, let's keep R-rated in 2019. Cassandra, MHP, 8K, 8. Cassandra, max HP, Cassandra has so much HP she actually took a long rest in the deep snow of the frigid north and didn't even notice when the band boob's plummeted on top of her. Danielle, the dastardly dame, Danielle, is so dastardly that she spotted rust while he killed Yurag straight up assisted him on his lunge so he didn't pull a rotator cuff. So kind. You see, aka, hall door frostbuck MVP of the giant wars,

crude on the SS stormborne and fought alongside a lies in red, used to spit off the airship as a goof until the velocity killed a halfling. The memory haunts him to this day. Mani the mundane, accidental deity who got in the way of a lichest spell to reach divinity. When you go to pay a parking meter and realize it's free on the weekend, that's Manny spotting you two bucks.

Ooh, or if there's like 15 minutes left and you're just running in for something, thank you Manny! Daniel, you aka multi-for the many-faced magician. Unfortunately, also the many stomached magician, multiple has to eat enough meals for each of his faces and it's getting expensive. Jordan DJ, legendary DJ of the realm. Jordan is so fearless, so avant-garde, they waited until 1201 to let the beat drop. Such a tease like edging, right? Jeffrey S. Lord of the Fyard, Bon of the Sword, and up to his Jorzen Chores! Jeffrey S. is starting the new year with a to-do list, people!

Cutter W. Ohio of Dandy turned Crick bark attack. Cutter's 2019 intention is to finally launch the first stump ship. Cutters got the design already to go. It's just the engine and atmospheric pressure part that's tripping them up. Stumps in the sky, my friends. Lex Sketch aka the escape artist. When the bands of boobs doesn't know was that Lex had actually jumped out of the cave seconds before them, but definitely dodged

their falling bodies at the last second. John S. aka, super the mushroom. Super's New Year's was great. They tried LSD for the first time, which is great, because they haven't been able to do hallucinogenic mushrooms due to that being cannibalism. Yeah, right, for real. Ryan M. aka, hard ones, ram.

Quick update on Ryan. Ryan was chased down by nose only to stop, stand on their two hind hooves and deliver a passionate speech and defensive they're right to live. The nose were so overcome with emotions. They declared Ryan, poet laureate of the Null folk and now Ryan has a bookdale. Alaina C. Alaina spent New Year's in the Fey Wild, which was a total rager. But since time is a femoral and ever-changing there,, Elena won't show up again until April. You know, get a late start on the year, why not? Andrew M went home to the Creek for Creek's most break and immediately turned into their

teenage self. The parents thought they were just enjoying a lazy break, but actually Andrew was cursed by a witch he didn't tip. Michael McD, head mixologist at the Blumana Inn, the Blumana actually overbooked themselves for New Year's Eve after offering all you can eat tapas and their Yelp page is absolutely abysmal. You promise so much if you don't deliver it, you know.

Victor T. Boundar's boy, whose loving dad was ripped from his family and transported to another world, Victor T. sadly had to celebrate Holy Sylvester, the night of food, frolics, and good times without his deer papa. Sadly, Victor had to eat his lentil soup, vener, verchtern, and newburger fondue without the company of his loving father. Henry A, the intelligent ape, Henry was an ape who adrewed awakened only to discover the

ape was already awakened. They just didn't speak common. They were fluent in orcish, Elvis, Dwarvesh, and Mandarin. They just hadn't gotten around to common. Just an eye, wears an eye patch on their good eye. It's really badass, and their empty scarred oversake is super intimidating, except their darts game has really suffered. Clayton and McCleamation Dalmatian, we don't talk about it much, but since Clayton has

made out of Clay, Clayton can look however they want. They just choose Dalmatian every morning. Now that's love. The Poe Festival, the only lawyer to ever beat pop-on litigation. This is the Poe Festival's busiest time of year. As New Year's Eve results in many lawsuits down at the crack. They really like fireworks. Jacob, C, owner and proprietor of the charred bard,

the beloved barbecue franchise in which the spiciness of the sauce ranges from meek to wee, and all the waiters are looking for commercial representation. Elena M. A legendary cricket player. That's Crick Quidditch, where you roll around in the mud with a broom and try to swoop prosome turds into tree holes. Elena got a full ride to Crick you off their crick quidditch finesse. Gone off has gone off the radar, no one has seen Gone off since they shouted, I'm gonna live forever and ran naked into the icy waters at Frostwin's annual polar bear plunge.

You know, pray to whatever guy you believe in, I think. Mcbugs, the codemaster who created our amazing website, McPucks is not related to the famous director, McGee. Yes, both their names start with Mick, which in Bohumia means your siblings, but you must remember that McGee does not exist in Bohumia and McPucks is only in Bohumia two months out of the year. Erlin Kathleen L are a pair of married orcs whose lovemaking is so athletic they order their seal, blubber, lubricant by subscription. Yummy! Dill and M, a talented executioner who kills people with a broadsword clenched firmly between their buck cheeks.

It usually takes Dill in three or four times before they actually sever the criminal's head, so if you go to one of their executions, be sure to bring a poncho. Jai G, the bullywag duke, Jai's title might not be as impressive as a bullywag king or prince, but they own a sizable swath of Swampland and have their own private dentist all the same, so don't worry about Jai, they're doing okay. Swath is a beautiful word I wish there's in more things. Corbin A, a literal barfly that hangs out at Joe, the praying mantis' favorite bar, whenever Corbin comes in, everyone shouts,

"'Corp!" and an invisible audience of next, cheers super loudly. Atlas Stormreaper, the Bohumi version of Thor, except hotter. Atlas never wears a shirt and wields two magic hammers. If you pray to Atlas and Rolla 20 on your religion, check your pecs will bounce involuntarily until your next long rest.

That's distracting possibly. Jostritch, a jovial ostrich who used to open for ol' cob back in a stand-up days. Cob and Jostritch actually wrote and starred in a pilot together called the cop couple. But much like a flightless bird, it never got off the ground. EL Drake, aka the Drag or not, a boat with a face. You might think that's pretty cool, but Drake can also fire cannonballs out of their mouth. That's right, their loose lips literally sink ships. Impressive, better than Helen of Troy, huh?

Cameron C, a candy-making gnome who lives in Nanna-Kindleaf's purse. They dream of one day making something other than where there's originals. PJW aka Charo Arcadeus, a tiefling warlock whose tail has a mind of its own. Charo was granted warlock abilities moments from death. The only caveat being that his tail would constantly be trying to steal pies, cooling on window sills and throw them at his enemies. It's a real monkeys paw slash tail situation. Damn you r.

Ram Daniels evil twin their fleeces pitch black their eyes glow a putrid yellow and their hooves are Super well manicured and painted a tasteful shade of lilac Daniel may be evil, but their fashion is on point Nicholas R took over the hungry trout in and tavern after Mishka's unfortunate demise They kept the menu pretty much the same, but they now offer a memorial cocktail That's just dirty water in a shot of tequila RIP Mishka gone but not for cotton. Oooo that's like when you take the bar mat and you pour it into a shot glass and you drink all the leftovers of.

Jennifer V star of the hit nomish booby trap film Nome Alone. The only difference is that in this version the burglars die a horrible death five minutes into the film. Jacob J the world's only dragon that wears pants it It's a weird look, but Jacob pulls it off. Nice flex, Jacob. Destiny's Sea, Akarats, personal hollow body trainer. They have a huge gem full of buff naked men tossing medicine balls at each other.

It's a weird gig, but the hell economy is super bad right now, so Dustin can't complain. Devon B, aka the bastard of the fountain, another iron-deep dwarf in whose super thirsty all the time, way weaker than hard one, but also way more hydrated. Oh, but I see hydrated and hydration and strength they play off each other if there's anything I've learned from our swole. Yep. Michael L, the lobster mobster, a huge ducking crustacean that used to hang out on the SS stormborne until they were fired for accidentally snipping the sails over and over again.

Sam H. A thrill seeking knoll who used the holes carved by Unova to create Bahumiya's first indoor noller coaster. It was a huge hit until Unova 8 and entire church youth group. Wow. I mean, but can you really be mad at Unova? It is an impersonal deity that I will defend. Don't bring your own personal politics into the council building. Kelvin noodles are pasta elemental.

They run a small but well-reviewed Italian restaurant in the elemental chaos. Breadsticks are unlimited and young and eat for free every 1000th Wednesday. Christian H aka Sergio Salazar Solomon, Sackarius De Sil Silva, 7th of his name, a sexy Peruvian snake folk with sweet snake patterns out of skin. Sergio sleeps in a huge sock inside it even bigger drawer. It's a little weird when he brings over lovers, but it always works out because he's a total freak in the sock. Yummy! Love to get rolled up in a nice tube sock. Max L. a level 20 barred who knows almost every Dave Matthews song on violin staying true to his New Year's resolution he has recently up in a nice tube sock. Max L, a level 20 bar who knows almost every day of Matthew's song on violin, staying true to his New Year's resolution he has recently forgotten dancing

Nancy's. Traylee, the cray-fay who always gets their way, Traylee has never rolled lower than a Nat 20 on a persuasion check. Grace H, the graceful Ace, an airship pilot who was perfecting the barrel roll. Grace H has lost many accrues member this way. Aaron G. A very powerful and deceptive gnome who actually lives in Jersey City posing as a lawn ornament. You can never trust lawn ornaments.

They are often deceitful. Eric. Eric. Eric. Eric. Be a rock elemental who loves classical music. It's incongruous as hell, but that's what makes Eric B so rock and roll. Jury S. A warrior who refuses to use any weapon but his fists is partly because Jury

stuck a bunch of tiny knives in his gloves like Wolverine, but they could also kick ass bare-knuckled. A. Luke Card, a medium-sized mushroom who lives with Fungan. Most people fall in love with Schubert because he's so small and cute, but A. Luke Card has a cuter personality. Baby Doc, a babyface doctor who is actually a thousand-year-old high-off, not a wrinkle on him. Ooh, okay.

Adam H. legit the hero who trains Polora at the gym. Polora is a jacked Santa Claus because Adam makes him grind it out on the bench press. And Polora's tank is Adam applies bronzer to his pecs. Kyle McEw, a heroic knoll who just returned from the frigid tundra with three freshly killed rams for their sweet little knoll family. Ooh, which three. Which three.

Which three. Colin G and Iron Dwarf was on their way to becoming a real boy. Colin G experienced empathy this morning. When they gave a friendly dwarf a parking ticket. Tomorrow, Colin will pet his iron dog and try very hard to experience camaraderie. Ryan, hard ones Ram, who just barely outran Kyle McQ, though all Ryan's friends were murdered, Ryan has made it to the mountains and they are safe from harm and on their way to be reunited with the Ram family, long live Ryan.

Wow, and the answer is delivered. Big buck, the richest elf in Glade Home. Even though you'd expect Big buck to be stuck up, they're actually very down to Earth. Big buck lives in the only stump in all of Glade Home. Richard F. Shot out of a cannon in the late 1880s and killed when they landed in the mouth of a hungry lion, a benevolent god-ranked, carnated Richard as a crick-bulley wug. Richard lives a happy life as a bully wug and has never been kicked.

Taylor S. AKA Trass to the 20th level bard who only casts prismatic spells because he loves putting colors everywhere. Recently did a stint touring with the Bohumian play, Polore and the Technic Color Dream Coat. John W.G. a teafling warrior who lives in a giant fancy cat tower. It's a hundred feet high and made entirely of carpet. Troy McSee, a most thoughtful night.

Troy is a member of Janez's party and is riding with her on the SS Stormborn. Troy found hard ones poetry in his cabin and is such a kind person that they haven't told anyone about it yet. And finally, cannibalistic Cthulhu, known all around Bohumia for competing in the annual hot dog eating contest. So cannibalistic cthulhu mostly eats other competitors. They're the only one who ever does it. But then you get all the credit for the hot dogs they eat.

It's a good strategy. It's a good cheese. Thank you guys so much for listening. We're also next week we're going to do some shout outs for people who sent us some nice stuff over the holidays. Oh yeah y'all kept our y'all kept our P.O. box nice and toasting. We thank you for that. Yes, but we're going to wait until we have everybody, so we make sure we've got the list and everything because we had to bank some episodes so we don't have everybody right now. But thank you to all of our listeners and thank you to all of our Patreon subscribers. Thank you to our Council of Elders.

You can go on over to the Patreon and listen to the short wrestle back next week with another episode. Thanks everybody. We love you and we look forward to spending 2019 with you. That was a HitGum podcast. you