Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 45: Kingshammer (The Frostwind Chapter)

Episode Date: January 10, 2019

It's a clash at the gash as the Band of Boobs attempt to thwart Akarot's plan to break the world! Moonshine bullies a powerful geomancer, Beverly goes anti-anti-paladin, and Hardwon returns to his dwarven roots.  Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music / Sound Effects Include:"Earthquake" by OGsoundFX at Freesound.org. "The Eye of Akarot" by Emily Axford. "Bash at the Gash" by Emily Axford. "A Sight For Sore Eyes" by Emily Axford. "The Kingshammer" by Emily Axford. "The Bronzebeard Name" by Emily Axford. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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with brush processing. Code P-A-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, Sweeties. Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Welcome back to Bahumia everyone. Bahumia. Bahumia. Bahumia. I'mia. Bahumia.

I'm your dungeon master, Brian Murphy, joined by Jake Herwits. Hard one, sure foot. Emily Axford. Moon Chien Sabin. Midwife of life and doula of death. So good. She's good at it. Thank you.

You got to start 2019 off, right? And follow that called Well Tanner. Beverly Toe Bowl the fifth anti anti-paladin Double neck, you know just two different categories you guys both get a Competition you know everyone's just thriving to be there. It's a cooperative game. I live at my solid B Hard one every week just comes in there with that fucking slow fastball down the middle. 3.0 baby.

Yeah, slow and steady. All right guys, so let's do a little recap. Last week, you guys had just jumped off a cliff escaping the no-oll tunnels and the purple worm. You survived the fall, but a few of you were knocked out. You then trudged your way to the last tower, a winter wolf guard post at the base of Mount Forge and saw that a terrible battle had taken place there.

There were dead rangers and hill giants, but conspicuously, there were only a few dead bronze beards. Moonshine defrosted a frozen bronze beard corpse, a bronze beard balnornor as it were and Looted a flying potion and some meth-like Pepsi sticks off of him you took the Pepsi sticks and had a meth-fueled mammoth smorgasbord And downed the flying potions and took off for the top of the mountain. As you neared the crack in the material plane, however, the weather got crazy and you were forced to land in a frosty cave near the peak.

There, you witnessed a Mexican standoff between the bronze beards, Hurrog the Hill giant, and Toma the Winter Wolf. A battle ensued during which hard one was able to briefly get through to Heroic but unfortunately rust bronze beard, hard one's high school bully, finished him off before you could save him. What a dick. And the reason you didn't read. He bullied you into illiteracy. Truly. Meanwhile, moonshine had gaseous form to throw a stone wall to pursue Wilhelm Bronzebeard

who had fled during the battle. After the battle was over, Tomover revealed that the Bronzebeards had ditched the winter wolves during the battle at the last tower when a dragon had made an appearance and that's where we are now. What a long day we had. Yeah, it has been a long day. He has fought the sickle really extend long day. He has sickle really extend your day. He has fun the purple worm today. He keeps sounding like heartburn medication.

This is going to definitely stunt Bev's growth, which is saying something. Beverly could grow to three foot six, but he's only three foot tall. Okay, so we'll start with moonshine, because while moonshine has been pursuing Wilhelm Bronzebeard, Tomas talking to you guys, you guys are arguing with Rust and such, so hard one in Beverly are kind of off finishing this battle while moonshine is in pursuit of Wilhelm Bronzebeard. So moonshine, you are in this tunnel of ice. It is eerily quiet. All you can hear is the sounds of your friends finishing the battle behind you

on the other side of this wall. You have just cast Locate object on Wilhelm Bronzebeard's Warhammer. You are getting a ping down the tunnel to where the cave opens up again. And you can see daylight mixing with a purple glow there. Good luck, my child! I'm chasing them down. So you rush through the tunnel chasing after your ping, you feel getting warmer and warmer and warmer and you enter a cave. I like the idea that locate objects is like hot and cold. Oh, yeah

You're burning up. I shed my sideclops polar bear You're on fire Pop-Op-Op starts putting it back on you. Rain. Rain. Rain. Rain. Rain. Pop-Op, I'm fucking on fire. You're trying to explain how to thermia to you. Bulldog and hot tub. It's too apt. I'm afraid you're gonna actually catch on fire. Yeah, to you. Bulldog and a hot tub. It's too apt. I'm afraid you're going to actually catch on fire. I know.

So you enter a cave of pure ice. There are thick walls of frost behind which lie various glittering treasures buried deep within. As I'm approaching the cave, I'm preparing for some sort of chase. So I'm casting Long Strider on myself, which means I'll be running 45 feet. Okay, you cast Long Strider on yourself. If I see him running, I've got some shit I'd like to do. However, if I'm encountering a new terrain that I don't know what it's like, then I'm going around corners, Catherine Zeta.

So you get to this room, you Catherine Zeta around the corner and you look into this room, this cave of pure ice. I have a really flexible back. Okay, go on. You really arch your back as you look around the corner. Oh no, there's a laser grid. The room is circular, about 80 feet in diameter, and there is a beam of purple light that converges in the middle. You look up and see that if you 100 feet up, there is a hole to the outside, through which the glow of the gash is flowing through.

You can kind of deduce that this is a white dragon's layer. You also see about 30 feet above you is a Wilhelm bronze beard climbing the walls towards the peak. The geomancer is commanding the stone behind the ice to burst out Creating a spiral staircase for him and he's just and this is a wide rib so he's just booking it Just like heavy dwarf just fucking Stones coming out as he runs across the cylinder towards the top got them So much more exciting stuff to do,

but I really wanna do something stupid right now. You said, would you say he's in a precarious position? Yes, I mean he's. I gotta look, wait, you said he's 30 feet for me? He's 30 feet above you, yes. Ah, fuck, I'm just gonna, ah. No, let's get dumb. Trippin'. I wanna get you. Yes. Ah, fuck, I'm just gonna... Uh... No, let's get double-trippin'. I wanna get double!

Stupid! Okay, I'm just gonna try and thorn with him. Actually, no, I wanna infest him, just in case. Yeah! And, oh, you wanna try to use like bugs to knock him off? I wanna do that thing, because you know how like when it hits him, he has to roll a dice and it says whether or not he goes in a certain direction. I mean, he's on stairs fucking going through a cylindrical

K. We discussed if he fails his dex throw. It's actually a constitution saving throw. He's a dwarf, but I just really want to Listen, we've established that there are frost wind nanorflies. So just letting you know, all right, they're frost flies I thought yeah, yeah, okay, so moonshine you are going to cast Investation So you peek out from behind you see this this dwarf who's just had you see the look on Wilhelm Brunsburg face is just this dude who has gotten in Way too deep He's just booking it so hard up you lift your hands up. you see frost flies, begin to fly around your hand, and you fling them out towards him.

He makes a constitution saving throw. Yeah. Eight. Ha ha ha ha. All right, roll a D4, and then that'll be, okay, so he moves north, and he takes four poison damage. Sweet, north is right into the wall. So bugs go all around him and he goes,

what, what, what, and he flies forward, bangs his head on the wall and begins falling back towards you into the room 30 feet. Okay, I wanna catch him with my Thor and whip now. Okay, I'll allow, go ahead and make an attack roll to like catch him and bring him down Hard one you want to just fight a hot spring 16 16 is not enough to hit his armor So you go you go to whip him down and he just goes

Crashes down onto the ground for 12 damage. This guy's had the worst day. Will Helm Bronzebeard lands on the ground, just like super beaten up and bloodied, and he goes, what are you doing, you fool? You're after the King Samor, I'm after the King Samor, you might as well work with me,

because guess who I'm fighting for. I'm fighting for Earl Oofgar. Oofgar? Oh, you're not a dwarf. I'm fighting for Earl Oofgarh. Oofgarh? Oh, you're not a dwarf. You see, he's this very proud dwarf. He stands up and he starts patting his legs off and stuff. I am Wilhelm Bronzebeard. I fight for the dwarfs.

I cast infestation on the cat. Ah, ah, ah. He just starts patting at his side. I hate dwarfs. I was surprised. My wanna learn what I'm having. You and I could have it out right now. Is that what you really want? Because I'd much rather work with you, because I am on Ulf Garz side, and I see him as a

key to helping maintain peace in this world. Ulf Garz, not even Ulf Garz is a warrior. Okay, I am Wilhelm Brott's beard. I need to get that hammer. My family needs to have that hammer. We need to get it away from that demon. You want to work together? Yeah, I want Wilhelm Brott's beer. I need to get that hammer. My family needs to have that hammer. We need to get it away from that demon. You want to work together? Yeah, I want to work together.

Well, I need to go up there. All right then, let's go. All right. Can I actually, I'd like to put a leash on him. I don't trust you. You're not going to put a leash on me. I don't, how do I know that you are working with me? I am just an honest person.

I ooze earnestness, but you, you're shady as fuck. I don't have time are working with me. I am just an honest person. I ooze earnestness, but you you're shady as fuck I don't have time to deal with this. This is bigger than you. This is bigger than any of us Look at how hurt you are you really want to go at it right now? I Don't think any of us are going to make it out of today alive I just need to make sure that the King's Hammer doesn't end up in some devil's hands or worse some some poor person or someone who who who isn't even a person. Yeah. I invest in again. Cut it out. Cut it out.

I really, everything you are saying is giving me pause, but I'm gonna ride this out. Just know that. I've gotten eye on you. And when we get that King's Hammer, if you are greedy with it, if your little mittens get sticky, there's gonna be consequences

because I got a lot of ranged spells that I don't think an undextressed folk like yourself could escape. Oh, is that right? Where'd you learn that one of your little stumps? Yeah, actually. Yeah, we got learning stumps. Oh, is that right? Where'd you learn that? One of your little stumps? Yeah, actually. Yeah, we got learning stumps. Where are y'all learn?

Is that abnormal? That in a tree. You've learned in a tree. Yes, it's weird. Where do y'all have your school? In a school. Yeah, what do you call it? Will you put them in?

Mountains? Yeah, we build rooms. That's ridiculous. Are these mountains? He starts like you feel the Earthquake around you. Nowins are not ridiculous. You're ridiculous.

Nowins are for covert trists. I don't have time to deal with your insane Elven ways, okay? All right, we're on the same side. I'm going up. Can we at least hug it out? No. Fair, you got a lot of bugs on you anyways. I'm going up. Can we at least hug it out? No. Fair. You got a lot of bugs on you anyways.

I don't want to catch you with everything. Get out of here. He pushes you off him. He wipes the bugs off him. And he begins running back up the stairs. What are you doing? I just want, I'm going to follow him. I'm going to say here's a little trust exercise.

You're controlling these rocks. Let me roll up. I got to warn you, I'm fucking fine. If you take the rocks out from underneath me, I'll be fucking fine. I got spells. But it's a little trust exercise to see if you leave the rocks round long enough

to help your friend moonshine. As long as you don't get in my way, I don't care. Okay, I get to go first, I think. I go first. You go first, okay. But I go first. You go first, okay. You start. But I keep an eye over my back. I think, oh, here's what I'm doing.

Papa is my eyes in the back of my head. Great. So he's like, I'm wearing him like a little backpack. He's spying on the back. He'll sue you to hell it back. Papa pokes out of the little bag and is just looking at Wilhelm Bronzebeard so judgmentally. Rhea, Rhea, the hell is that? Get that thing out of the little bag and is just looking at Wilhelm Bronzebeard so judgmentally. Rang, rang, rang.

The hell is that? Get that thing out of here. He's the sweetest creature you ever seen. Very litigious. Moonshine, you start climbing up the stone steps that Wilhelm had summoned as he was climbing out of the cave. When suddenly you see at the top, way above you, giant white claws perch at the top of the opening and a huge white dragon

sticks his head down into the cave. Giant milky scales covered in frost but its eyes are missing. It's got the sunken in, foggy black eyes. You can take a moonshine of one of Ackarot's minions. And then finally you see the red pupils emerge, the eye of Ackarot as he clocks you and bronze beard. I flash him. I pull your tits out. And with a start, the dragon starts flying down

into the cave towards you. Go ahead and roll initiative. Ooh boy. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh my god. I got a four. The dragon goes first. The dragon flies down a full dash action, 180 feet.

It is about 30 feet away from you. That is your turn, Moonshine. Fuck, how do I get this motherfucker? As a bonus action. Can I put a grappling hook around the fucking leg of this dude? Around Wilhelm Bronzebeard? Yeah, I just want to like Yeah, I'll let you as a bonus action if you want to grab him and help him. I want to grab him. Okay. Yeah It's gonna be a little bit of a strength check to bring him with you. I said, I made all this fucking whole blue about trust. So yeah, I'm going to, I'm going to try and use a dash action

and with it, I'm going to try and drag him with me. Holy shit. Okay. He is a heavy little guy. Go ahead and make a strength check as you go to scoop Wilhelm Bronzebeard and a run. It just feels so wrong to leave him as a pawn for the dragon to destroy.

This is insanely kind, but I think this really speaks to Moontine's character. Go ahead and make a strength check. This is very hospitable. Okay. And what a way to go out. Ah! Also, we're gonna need all the help we can get. I got a 12. Bittable Okay, and what a way to go out oh Also, we're gonna need all the help we can get I got a 12. That's 12. That's not gonna do it Oh, okay, you go to scoop him. Okay, you go to scoop him. He goes

What are you doing dragon is flying down? You can choose to fall off the stairs if you would like and push him with you I'm gonna yeah, I'm gonna misty step in in the process of misty stepping, I'm gonna shove him off. Okay. Hopefully, he'll take a little more damage and then just get knocked out. So he said, we said his stairs were about 30 feet up, so he would, he pushed him. You go to try to scoop him, he starts to like falter back a little bit like, don't touch me, you filthy elf.

I, you instead push him off the stairs. You misty step down, he just goes, ah! Crash is on the ground again. Could she not catch him once you misty steps down? You could try to catch him. I'm gonna choose not to. Okay.

But with good reason, he's not a good guy. I'm not gonna save him, but I don't mind if he gets knocked out because it'll be easier to save. True. He crashes on the floor. He's not knocked out, but he takes a decent amount more damage. That's good.

I want him weak. He's a slippery. So now this dragon is up now about 80 feet away from you. And you and a bronze beard are at the bottom of the cave. That is Wilhelm Bronzebeard's turn. He does not return the favor and try to scoop you. at the bottom of the cave. That is Wilhelm bronze beard's turn. He does not return the favor and try to scoop you. He just bolts down the tunnel and takes a full dash action. So he just, he goes,

I'm gonna take my full dash action and just pass him. But that is the dragons turn. So on the dragons turn, the dragon flies down into the cave and it is going to take a claw attack at you, Munchine. Bring it on. I hope you don't attack for 69, which is my hit point. 18, thank you. 18 to hit, nice.

That does hit. And last my shield of faith is still working. It is not. The faith is still working. I don not. The faith is still working. I don't know. I feel like that was a strong penalty. Crazy undetected. Tracking it.

Tracking flies down, scratches at your back as Wilhelm Bronzebeard like a fucking coward, just like bolts. Okay. Honestly, that was the off. I needed to like not feel like I needed to save him. Nine damage on the first hit. Okay. Then he takes a second claw attack.

He misses, he rolls a three. Okay. And the last one is going to hit another 13 damage. Okay. And this is like a white dragon whirming, right? Just like a little guy. This is an adult white dragon. Okay.

This is the strongest dragon he gives a fought by far. Okay. Scratches and gir back. And we have a dull of taste. Again. He does. Okay. Scratches your back. And we have a go at taste. Again. He does. He is here fine. And let the watch porn everyone's in the wild.

Wow. Yes. All the only ones in a while, that is no. How many burlesque shows is this dragon going to? I go to, I have a monthly burlesque show that my partner does that I go to occasionally, or at least I did before I was turned into an acolyte of acarote.

Maybe this is weird, but I am wearing one nipple tassel. I'm moonshine, that is your turn. Okay, I would like to just use a full dash action, but I would like to try and trip will have. Can you slip under Nipple? I'm going to say I'm going to allow this no matter what because you're way faster than him and he's just booking it and he's a dwarf.

He is not. Not now. I feel like the trust has been broken and I don't have to save him anymore. You guys start running down the tunnel together. You run out, you trip a little bronze beard, you go, ah, ah, slips on the ground. You run 90 feet. Am I in the caverns now?

You're in the tunnels now. So you see the dragon can't quite reach you. But it is Wilhelm Bronzebeard's turn. And on that turn, the white dragon is going to take a legendary action. And he does a tail whip at Wilhelm Bronzebeard's. By the way, Wilhelm Bronzebeard is prone. Yeah, you trip them. He has fallen prone and he goes, what? Drenchery, you work for the devil. You work for the demons! China's gonna be so madly killed her dad.

You see? But he, like, China's gonna be more pissed that her dad killed her sister. Fair enough, yeah, priorities. You see the white dragon sticks its head in, tries to fit in to follow after you, but can't, turns around, whips its tail around, tail goes around Wilhelm Brogge's beard's ankle,

grabs him and starts flying up the cave. Wilhelm just goes, save me! Okay. Oh, y'all. Okay, can I just real quick open up a question to my comrades? Meanwhile, okay, so we have a more small, meanwhile the concentration on the wall has broken.

Okay. Wall suddenly comes down while Bev and Hardwan, you are talking to Tomas, she's just mentioned the dragon to you guys. You guys have been arguing with Rust. Did you say dragon? Can we say that I kicked the wall really hard just before it goes down?

So Rust also punched it at the same time. I did it. I knocked it down. Hard one wall breaker. You saw that right. I did it. I was kicked. It was me. I bet really you saw it. Oh, yeah. You guys see moonshine like 80 feet down the tunnel. Okay, you know what I'm gonna do?

Is it up to my turn on the, um, onto the yeah, combat is pretty much out. I mean, this thing has so much flying. I was gonna do one last thing of trying a Thorne whip and we're away from the, from the dragon. I will allow that on your turn. If you'd like to try to grab him back,

go ahead and do a contested strength throw against the dragon. Okay. Come on, next one. Love the amount of, now's the time. Oh. Come on, next one. Love the amount of. Now's the time. Now's the time. Oh, that's gonna be a Matt 3, turning into a Matt 7.

Okay, you earnestly try to save this man that honestly does not deserve saving. That's why I use the can trip to save him. You go to whip him, Thornewip goes around his wrist and he goes, yes, yes, good, good, good. But the dragon pulls him away, flies up off the table. I really gave it my best. I tell you what, that was a fourth level spell.

That's our moonshine. I was trying our best. moonshine runs back down the tunnel and joins all of you guys. Did we all time for a short rest while this was happening, or... This was all happening at the same time. Okay, so now. So you guys, I'll say that like with the few minutes

of like downtime you guys have had, I'll allow a short rest. A full short rest? Yes. Okay, cool. Not for me though. Y'all, I want to tell you there is a dragon down there, so if anyone has any sort of dragon slayer sword,

now's the time to brandish that bitch. Oh, perfect. Yeah. I tap my pockets. And I pull up my wood block. What an easy rust turns to you, Moon Shining goes. What happened to you? Did my dad kick your ass?

Did you try chasing him and my dad just like kick your ass? You're your dad. I tried to save his ass twice twice and he got hurt because he wouldn't let me save him And because he wouldn't let me save him he got swept up by a fucking dragon And now he's in the talents of a dragon What my dad's in trouble. It's actually your uncle. It's my dad man. He's my dad Last thing he said was I only regret that I leave behind my two daughters. Left it at that. Go ahead and make a decision.

Check. I got a 15. Better than Russ's intelligence. He goes, what? He wanted to say that. Dad, dad. You see Russ pulls out one of these peps sticks, stabs himself in the thigh,

and begins running down the tunnel. Does it? Does it? Yeah, I was gonna say, just the cards were just fall with any left in it. No, there's nothing left in it. Cause I'll suck from a dry eye. Yeah, I'm not about that.

You see the cleric turns you guys. You guys are in this room now with you've got Toma. You've got the cleric, and you've got the night, the bronze beard night, and the cleric turns and you've got the Knight, the Bronzebeard Knight, and the Cleric turns to you guys. He's been very pragmatic throughout. He's just like, we all agree that Rust is gonna go die, right?

That he's doomed. I really wanted to be the one I killed him. Ah, yeah, I, Rust, I don't give a shit about. I tried for some sort of diplomatic reason to make Nice with Wilhelm, but he's also a lost soul. I think we might need as much help as we can get to kill this dragon that is possessed by the devil. I'm gonna go run and tackle Rust.

Okay, hard one, you're gonna try to tackle Rust. Go ahead and give me an athletics check against Rust. 27. 27, hard one. You get at his ankles. You knock, rust down, he goes, What are you doing? Just like on the sch'm a trying, I'm fucking dearly to try. Dude, I think you're a huge douchebag, but we don't have a chance of beating this dragon if we don't work together.

So just cool your jets and work with us, all right? Go ahead and give me a persuasion check. Nat 20. Whoa! Shit. I should've at least did this. I want to be rolling on that. Okay, I actually think it's good to have another person.

He just did a fucking pet stick. Okay, all right, cool. And so I don't, I want to persuade him by like just saying all that, but like while I'm flexing my triceps, it's really hard. See, see Rust is also flexing his triceps, really hard and everything, and his leg muscles, because his pants are down, and he very pridefully pulls his pants up, and he goes, yeah, I mean, I guess we just like tag teams

that fucking stupid ass giant. And the wall. And the wall. Until the wall. So like wall. And the whole wall. So like, I guess like, yeah, we all need to work together to save my dad and fucking restore the bronze beard name. Get the hammer for fucking Jaina or my dad or whoever my dad wants the hammer to have.

That's cool with me. I'm on board for a portion of that. Yeah, I tap him up. All right, he taps him. Ah, man, meanwhile the cleric goes, now look, you all are probably better fighters than I am. I have more of these dwarven pep sticks, and you see he pulls out more of these little brass cylinders.

And he goes, if you've already taken these today, they're quite dangerous. So I could possibly heal you up or I can take one myself or I can give you one. If we're taking a short rest, I don't need a pep stick because I can go into my zealots trance and I can get a little bit of hit points back and I think that's going to be enough for me. Okay, yeah, you guys, I'll say all of this is taking like a few minutes. I'll let you guys take a short rest and come like I end up your wounds and stuff.

Tweak on the nips. Go ahead and roll your hit dice for your short rest. Cool, I was able to roll mine. I'm back up to full. Sweet. Same. Did all my rolls back up to 69, and I only got six spell points left, so I put them into two third level spells.

Okay, Ballinor takes you to short rest. He goes back up to full. The only thing you guys are missing, you guys will be missing a few spells, but other than that you're pretty good But you guys instead of you know chasing right after this dragon you guys take a little time You take 10-15 minutes kind of catch your breath bandage up your wounds Cleric helps the night out heals him up a little bit before he stabs himself with the long rest before he stabs himself with the long-rest cylinder. Tell me how you doing. I'll say with her hit dice and the help of the cleric,

cleric is able to steal her up. And Oscar? Oscar is healed up as well. Thank God. Yes. Tell me, what do you know about this dragon? Is there lore of this dragon? Yeah, what kind of genitalia does it have?

Yeah. I know that Sometimes white dragons make ice caves in mountains out here I don't know this particular dragon with the not normally climb amount forge. This is Fucking crazy, right and I guess what do you think of dragons in general? Are they sad? I guess what do you think of dragons in general? Are they sad, accursed people sometimes, or do you usually kill them? White dragons, stupid fucking assholes who collect things and are cruel and mean

and are just a fox. Y'all think that we should set up some sort of trap and try and drag that dragon? When I saw a dragon, dragon was eyeless, seemed to be working for. Yeah, we gotta, we gotta. I gotta, I'm having too much sympathy today. We gotta send this dragon to the Humane Shelter Upstate. Yeah, oh, oh yeah, wow, okay, yeah.

Yeah. Too close to home. Too close to home. See the cleric just puts his hands out and he goes, are we thinking about having sympathy for the dragon right now? Yes, I'm sorry. I'm having a beautiful, empathetic day.

It is a full on devil dragon though. It's a dead, I get to be being inhabited by acaret. But don't y'all sometimes like see the beauty whatever, let's kill it. Yeah, let's get to the gash. All right, to the gash. Get us to the gash. You guys, for the gash. We gotta save my dad. Right, that's what we're

doing. Right guys. Yeah, you're oh, oh, I, brust, I'm glad that you mentioned that the dragon made a beeline for the gash with your dad. Okay, we need to get to the gash. Yes, and your dad was screaming, let's make sure we don't whack this gas our main goal is to save the bronze beard name Well, it's it's to prevent the the world from ending But gives you a dead arm fuck you dude. You care about other people your dog, dude I thought your friends were said. No, we're not dude What how do you love to read I don't?

Reading for losers Papa looks at you with so much sympathy. Ram, Ram, Ram, Ram. Ram. Ram. Ram. He's still in my back, so it's still from my back. I know, Papa. Ram.

It's a deep wound. Should we get Gonya? Yeah. Cool. I got a sack tap rust on the wall. Let me know, let me know whenever we're in 300 feet of the gash. OK, you guys run back down the tunnel where moonshine just was and you enter this big circular cave.

You see the beam of purple light is shining down into the middle of it. And above you is the open air and some of the stairs that Wilhelm Braun speared was using to try to get out. And it only goes about halfway up. Those are tasteful. Half way up and then someone go around my waist and I'll form with us the rest of the way. Sounds good. I clutch on. Yeah.

I'm both go to grab. No, you first. You're way later. That makes. No, but we got to get hard one up there. We do have to get him up there. I gotta grapple he hooks. Yeah, can we give him big axes and he can do some ice climbing? Yes, you guys can do ice climbing.

This is why I fucking play, man. You were made for this. Let's you go ahead and do a athletic check against Russ to see who gets up there first. 20. He only got a 17. Yeah.

So you guys begin going up the stairs. Moonshine, use your Thorn whip to go up. Hard one. You start using your ice picks to climb up. The night and the cleric and Toma follow suit. I guess probably Toma, once you get to the top, has to like put a rope around Oscar and like pull him up. She does. He just like has his tongue out. Oh my gosh, that is so annoying. It's very cute. Can we say we bagged Balnor for this? Yeah, you bagged, but Balnor is also strong enough. Balnor's got plus five to strength at this point of the week.

He's in you eight, so Balnor uses his picks to go up. Really lead. Yeah, I know, I guess. I've been eating nothing but tuna. I've got mercury poisoning with me. I whisper to the blue chat. Do you notice there's like some of Balnor's hair in the front of his head is growing back?

Yeah, it's kind of creepy. Yeah, it's like a... Balnor's got a Jeff Bezos thing going on. He's like, has more hair as he gets older. He's starting to grow hair back in the front. And he climbs up. Toma joins you guys. Hard one, you get up first just before rust.

Man, we were racing, man. I was being careful. I was being fucking careful, cause I need to save my dad. That was as slow as I could go right. I don't believe it. You probably read a book along the way, huh? I clenched my fist thinking about reading. Where's you guys?

I just think about hard one's sad life for a second. I feel like deeper empathy for him. I just love stories. Digging his heels into not reading because of his high school bully. Just, you know for sure that Rust is an idiot, but you're still competing with him at his level. I love it.

So you guys all emerge from the cave and reach the peak of Mount Forge. But you're still competing with him at his levels. I love it. So you guys all emerge from the cave and reach the peak of Mount Forge. The wind blows like a cyclone around the crack in the material plane. The weather is a crazy mix of everything as the arcane powers of the planes clash with the already extreme weather. Snow blows in strange patterns, instead of simply falling down or at an angle, it blows with pulses in the crack. You'll see the purple light shimmer and then the snow will begin circling the other way.

There are occasional flashes of lightning. It's difficult to hear anything up here, but you do hear a booming voice Begin speaking. Uh-oh. You're all just in time How many people can say they were there for the end of the world? Oh boy, I hate this guy. Oh, do we see the fucking King Tamer? You don't see the King Tamer yet. Yeah, you do you turn and see Walking towards you from across the peak traversing jagged rocks is a carot.

He wears solid black armor and a small blackened iron crown. His face is covered in dark wraps and unlike his hollow bodies, these eyes are devoid of any humanity. There aren't irises around peoples. are devoid of any humanity. There aren't irises around peoples, there are just glowing orbs of fire glowing from a sunken in emptiness behind the wraps. And behind him you see the eyeless white dragon lands from a hover with Wilhelm Bronzebeard silliness claws. You see the dragon squishes the dwarf into the ground with his claws as he lands. He's still alive. He just goes, help me, bro, Chad, help me.

I have some festation. Just start scratching bugs off of him. You see, Akarot speaks up and he goes, I suppose Heroic didn't give you much trouble. I'm not surprised. He was never really a revolutionary. No. He was just my career. Hanging on to the hammer until the exact moment I needed it. You see,

creating hollow bodies is a messy process and I was worried I would destroy the relic. Only a true champion of Moriden can wield the King's hammer. So I had to become a dwarf. You see, cresting above a jagged rock behind Akaraten and the dragon is the pale prince. Bearded a strong white beard, not from age, just from being a frost or through and through, just a true silver fox. His skin is light purple, his muscles rippling. Is Anderson Cooper a shaped frost dwarf?

You have not seen a dwarf is ripped as this save for maybe off-guard. Told you guys he was a winner, right? He holds the Koldane King's hammer over his head. This beautiful weapon crafted or at the very least blessed by the gods adorned with gold and silver from it emanates a constant aura of cold blue energy. The peak that you guys are on is already freezing, but it is noticeably colder now that you're in the hammer's presence. You can just make out through all the wind and snow that the pale prince shares the same face as Akarat.

He's been transformed into a hollow body and Akarat has found a work around for not being allowed to touch the hammer. Am I within 60 feet of him? Yes. Okay. I am going to cast heat metal. On the King's hammer? King's hammer. Oh, make it hot. Holy shit. That's great.

What does he have to do? So, he is going to any creature in physical contact with the object takes 2D8 fire damage and he needs to succeed a Constitution saving throw or he will drop the object. Okay. I will roll in front of the table. I'm gonna meditate on the number one while you roll. I'm gonna hum. Pale Prince has only has a plus two to Constitution.

Coward. 9-20. Oh my god. Motherfucker! You see, Aarachus laughs. Oh, you think you could stop my most beautiful hollow body with what level spill is that? What level even is that? He still took 10 damage by the way.

He still took 10 damage. His hands begin steaming. Oh, cut it out, cut it out. We're gonna have to roll initiative if everybody's fighting right now. Okay. Could I not do this as a surprise? No. Okay.

I rolled day 16 for initiative. I got to five. I got to five. That is the dragon's turn. Dragon is going to breathe a cone of cold breath onto everyone. Everyone go ahead and give me a constitution saving throw. You see the dragon just leans forward, roars, lets out this icy cold breath at all of you guys.

12. Re-rolled my one for a 15. Don't forget to add four everybody. We're all grouped together. Oh, 16. 25. I got a 19. 19 was what you had to beat.

I did not. Okay, moonshine, you are. 19 was what you had to be. I did not. Okay, moonshine, you were gonna take the full brunt of this. Oh man, he made a little bit of so cool for the work though. Yeah, that would have been perfect. That's the stupidest net 20 you've ever thrown. 40, 46 damage. That's rude of you. 46 damage.

So rude of you. Wow, we, 46 damage halft for the people who, okay, who passed. And Pell for moonshine. You see the night is on Death's Door, 46 damage halft for the people who serve who and Paul for 23. Moonchan. You see the night is on Death's Door, the cleric is on Death's Door, Toma is very hurt, and the Winter Wolf is very hurt.

That is hard once turn. Great. I'm gonna take a full dash action. Run. Run back to the door, Penich. Throw up in my bed. try to go to sleep. So, if I attack the dragon, can I make a bonus action and try to stab somebody with a pep stick if I know where the clerk was keeping them?

Yeah, you can ask the clerk to give you a pep stick. Did you say that the pep stick doesn't work? It's not gonna work in combat. Right, but maybe if somebody just like took it and rolled out of the way for a little bit. Maybe if someone took it and then you shook them up. Yeah, like a cocktail shaker. I'm still gonna ask for one as I'm running at the dragon.

Okay, toss me a pep stick. I just wanna have you. We're in over our fucking head here, man. Heoss me a pep stick. I just wanna have. I'm gonna have to. I'm gonna have to. I'm gonna have to. I'm gonna have to. I'm gonna have to. I'm gonna have to.

I'm gonna have to. I'm gonna have to. I'm gonna have to. I'm gonna have to. I'm gonna have to. I'm gonna have to. I'm gonna have to. I'm gonna have to.

I'm gonna have to. I'm gonna have to. I'm gonna have to. I'm gonna have to. I'm gonna have to. I'm gonna have to. I'm gonna have to. I'm gonna have to.

I'm gonna have to. I'm gonna have to. I'm gonna have to. I'm gonna have to. I'm gonna have to. I'm don't yeah, I don't think what you're all I don't think a 15 is gonna hit that thing okay, okay, it's not Okay, that will hit 27 27. Yeah 10 damage 10 damage okay is it looking fucked up he looks fine all right? I'm gonna take a second second attack You see Wilhelm bronze beards pinned under the dragon good job, so I'm really proud of you I fucking hate you. No dude. You're doing a great job. I chew the pride of the dwarves flows through you Do you guys hear that?

Crab is approval You guys do everybody go ahead and give me a perception check It's a 22 for me. It's a 12 for me, 18 for me. Okay, hard one and moonshine. You hear as if through like radio static, just something trying to speak to you guys, but can't quite get all the way through,

being like tall, tall dwarf, tall, tall dwarf. Tall, that's it. Hard to tell you here. Point to my own face. You're the tallest dwarf I know. What, where's that coming from? Maybe it's Morden. We're at the gash.

Might as well make some, might as well make some please. God, yeah. Your old religion. It's not court, is it? Hello second role my second attack was a 20 that hits Moose 14 damage 14 damage sweet instantly beheaded and why not I'll take my action surge now if not on a dragon when good job Prime prime me from him son my son in law What did you do to your daughter and I'll for you? He definitely killed his own daughter 26

That hits I think I've turned on saving us Yeah, I didn't kill I didn't kill my own daughter look everything I did was in defense of the realm Great tell me more. I'm about to hit this dragon if you if you tell me 15 damage 15 damage. 15 damage? You want me to take one more swing out of him? Tell me everything. Look, this demon tricked me, okay? He told me that he would help me secure the hammer for my line.

And you see Akarot turns to him and goes, Oh, it's never part of the deal. It was just killing the pale prince and Gemma. I'm having a hard time. You're dead. Oh, Malora, even Malora's indifference cannot make sense of you killing your own daughter. I did it.

I didn't kill anyone. My last attack is a shout out to the two crew, but can I just kick Will Helm in the face? And you kick him in the face. Ah, just find him about a bad day. Dragon's gonna take a legendary action. Sure. Swipe at you.

Give it a go. You know what? He's gonna do a wing attack. So you see the dragon begins flapping its wings. Everybody give me a dexterity saving throw. Mm. Oh, I get that for. 19.

15. Okay, so that is 11 damage and you get knocked prone if you failed you only take five okay um the cleric and the knight fully die they fly off the mountain no did we have such a shitty showing did we take all the cleric's pep sticks? No. You took it. Well, we didn't have turns to do it, so. No, that is Akarats turn on Akarats turn.

He's gonna cast Banish on hard one. Go ahead and give me a wisdom saving turn. Just say what? Motherfucker. I did get a 19 naturally. What do I add? Oh, so then you add. Are you close to?

Zero to wisdom. You're within 10 feet of me, right? When 19 is good though. 19 baby. Oh yeah, but you also are near a 5, so it's a 23. 23. Okay, 23 is going to make it. You feel yourself for a second shift,

for a split second you like blink into a Dema Plainer prison like Ulfgar for a split second. And then you come out of it. Whoa, I just had a logical visit with Ulfgar. You just associate. And then that is Will Helm bronze beard's turn. And Will Helm bronze beard's turn. It's truly a victim in all this.

I'm eyeing him. I'm eyeing him being like, I try to save you several times. And he looks up at you, Moonshine. And he goes, there is no saving me. There is no saving. Any of us.

And he turns to Akaraten. And he goes, I'm the real victim in all of this. Demon, you tricked me. That hammer was supposed to secure my family's power for generations. Well, if the bronze spirits can't have the hammer, then I suppose I'll just be buried with it." And he lifts his hands up, and he casts a Wilhelm, and he casts an eighth-level earthquake

spell. Ooooooh! The entire mountain begins to shake. You see Acaracos, whoa, no, no, no, no, no, Brad I do, can't, Brad I do, can't. See the entire mountain begins to... Glad I didn't kill him, huh? He's on the side.

But the arcane chaos around you, you hear the rock cracking beneath you, it is impossible to stay standing. You are flung to the ground scrambling, trying to get your footing to stop from falling in a deadly fissure. You see that the abrupt shift of the earth has caused the pale prints to stumble and fling the king's hammer into the air.

It begins sailing down the mountain away from you as an entire half of the peak breaks off and begins sliding down the mountain away from you as an entire half of the peak breaks off and begins sliding down the mountain. So the hammer has been flung. It is flying off the mountain right now. I'm going to tell you guys how the rest of this battle is going to work. So right now the hammer is 300 feet away. It is sailing off the mountain. Half of the mountain has like broken off and it's starting to like fall down avalanche style. So every turn on initiative 10 and on initiative one it's gonna fall two more D 100s. You can jump down the mountain up to 500 feet. You can just like jump and take the damage as much damage as you want. But there's no max the amount of damage you can take.

So you can take 50 d6 damage from jumping 500 feet. But you can jump as your movement or as your action. Or you can just run, you can just take dash actions and be like anime style like jumping down the rocks. Would that damage be bludgeoning, piercing or slashing? I think it would be bludgeoning damage yeah. That is, so the hammer has been flung down. You see that entire half of the mountain

begins fucking crumbling and falling down, rocks and snow falling. That is the pale prince's turn. The pale prince, you know what? He's gonna take his full movement action. He's a hollow body, right? Got them hollow. He's a hollow body.

So he's got bird bones. He's gonna take body, right? Got them hollow. He's a hollow body. So he's got bird bones. He's gonna take, he's gonna run 30 feet. So he starts like sliding down the mountain after the hammer for 30 feet. And then he's gonna jump 200 feet and he'll take 20 d6 of damage. He really wants it. 20 d6.

Wow, wait. For going 200 feet. Yep, he takes 68 damage. You see him just like, no, just full akarat face jumps off and goes after the hammer. You see him slide about 30 feet down using his speed, and then he fully jumps after the hammer, but the hammer's a little bit out of

reach and he crashes into the rocks below but he's getting closer to it. He's only 70 feet away from it now. That is Tomas turn. On Tomas turn, her and Oscar going to take full dash action slide down the rocks. Maybe you will scoop up some of us. Do you want the come with me? Yeah. Okay, she scoops up moonshine.

I'll say. Wait, am I gonna take damage? No, no, not from a dash action. Okay, cool, yeah. So, Tomas scoops up moonshine, throws her onto the back of Oscar, your mom helped me long time ago. I like Crick-Earth, you good. You know, it's so refreshing to hear

because a lot of people have negative foundation. You know, I like Crick-O-F, you good. You know, it's so refreshing to hear because a lot of people have negative foundation. You know, I like a blue color elf. And I, all of them, have been talking about how great you are. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. I'll ask her just like, bouncing from stone to stone as you guys like run anime style down the aisle.

I'm gonna be able to keep her. You guys go 80 feet. That is Rust's turn. On Rust's turn, he just runs forward and just starts, like just starts taking a spear You guys go 80 feet. That is rust stern on rust stern He just runs forward and just starts with like just starts taking a spear and stabbing At the claws that are holding will help them down dad. I'll save you. I sort of got a freaking save you He rolls a five. He misses on his first stack. He rolls a four. He missed on his second time He rolls another four. He's just like failing and will I'm just going, you're feeling rust.

You're always failing. I hate to see that. You trying to make me feel for rust? That is moonshine's turn. Surprisingly innocent in all this. What I'd like to do is I'd like to jump over the edge but then right before I go for the 500 feet but then right before I hit gaseous form. Yeah, you can do that. And you'll need to use an action.

Okay, and it also says the target can't fall and remains hovering in the air even when stunned or otherwise it can pass. No, Sean, you can fall up to 500 feet. So you can jump at the hammer. You can try to grab it. I want to jump at the hammer with an athletics check. Grab it and gaseashes form. Okay. Okay. This is gonna be a DC 25 athletics check to grab the hammer for every one that you're off That's five feet that you are away from the hammer. Okay So you jump off of Oscar launch yourself. I got a 17 17. Okay, so you jump You go to grab the hammer and you miss it by like 10 feet. You jump over the hammer Launch yourself. I got a 17. 17. Okay. So you jump.

You go to grab the hammer and you miss it by like 10 feet. You jump over the hammer. You land below it about 35 feet out of the gasses form. I still want to, but I am immediately come back out. Oh, gash is warm. Right. I'm about to land so I can like land really gently. Okay.

You come out of gasses form. You're on the side of the mountain. Rocks and snow are falling above you You do not take damage yet. I'm holding my hands out in case I can catch that thing. It is Flung it is your on a mountain and it's just banging down the mountain. Do you put the jersey out like it's a net? Oh hell yeah, like I'm like an old Russian woman collective strawberries That is how they wear jerseys and collect I've never been to Russia Collective strawberries. You know how they wear jerseys and collects you. I've never been to Russia.

That is Boundorse turn. I guess on Boundorse turn, Boundorse is going to take two swings of the dragon. Cool. I don't know what to do here. Boundore, you hurt. Do you need to look at my amulet? He crits. He's not hurt to go.

Boundore, you're fine. You do. You. He does 15 damage to the dragon, who still looks fine. Hardy. Still looks hard. Probably shaking though.

How many feet does this thing fall? 2D 100s on initiative 10 and 1. Oh, okay, but you roll that. Starting it. Starting it initiative 1. It might be like 80, it might be. Yes, exactly. Okay, how far is it falling?

Best turn. 300 feet. It's falling 300 feet. Who's still up on the mountain right now? Acarot, the dragon, Wilhelm Bronzebeard, pinned down, rust, hard one. The only people who are down are Toma and Moonshine. I'm just trying to decide if I should go

for the hammer or if I should stay here and just like serve as a blocker. You guys also know that Moonshine can't like wield the hammer. Oh, that's true. I can't wield the hammer. I'm here. I've basically got down here to like be defense. Although wait, you're the only one who's fucking blessed. Hard ones the only one who's blessed by murder in I bet. If I am, I don't even know. If you are, it might be a fun time to find out. Yeah, now or never, baby. All right, you know what? I start spinning my green sword. It's glowing amidst the hazy snow, and I walk towards Akarad.

Hell yeah, go after him. He was tempting you like a little wicked bitch. You absolute fool. There's a lot of weak people around here who fall for your tricks, but I'm not one of them, because I love tricks. Ha ha ha. You see Akarad turns to Russ, people around here who fall for your tricks. But I'm not one of them because I love tricks.

You see, Akira turns to Rust, and he goes, you seem like you don't have a good father figure in your life. Would you like to be someone's little brother? Rust, something to do. What? There's got to want to be my dad. That's not what he said at all. He said he wants a bad listener. He wants to be my dad. He said he wanted to be your big brother, which is pretty cool, but not the same. No, it's just, I'll be your dad, man. Rust is so pitiful.

Am I close enough that I can just like dash and block your rod? Yeah, you can attack Acherot, certainly. All right, I am divine smiting Acherot. Sweet, go ahead. Yeah. Attack. Uh, that is 16 plus 824. That hits.

Alrighty. Um, fuck it. Second level, let's do this. Yeah. Alright, so that's gonna be 28 damage total. Yes. For my first attack. Woo!

For my second attack, I'm gonna do an amulet punch. Okay. See what happens. Maybe not, that's going to be a 15. He smacks the amulet out of your hand. No! You're fool. And it bounces off the rocks. What is that?

That's very valuable! Wait. Is it just gone? It's off in the sky. I'm down here, I'll try to catch it. No, no, no, it's not it's like on the rocks on the cake cool Yeah, that is the hammer the hammer is going to go 2d 100. That's 100 That's 90 that's another 190 feet it is

490 feet down that is back up to the dragon dragon is is gonna toss fucking Wilhelm Bronzebeard aside and then fly down, take a full dash action and go 160 feet flying down towards the hammer. Oh, Malora. That is hard one's turn. Can I use my grappling hooks to aid my jump in any way, shape or form? No, either jump or you don't. Or you can take dash actions. I guess I'll... Here it's a C4.

Yeah, I think I'll jump 150 feet. Okay, so you can run, what is your speed? 30. So you slide down 30 feet and then you jump off the edge and then you'll take 15 d6s of damage. Let's hope I don't die. Huh. How was your HP before?

It's. You should aim for me so if you die, I can try and scramble up and heal you. Can I look at Beverly's amulet before I jump? The amulet's gone. Oh yeah yeah, amulet has been knocked out of Sorry cool. Can I see it on my way down? No, you don't know where it is great you take 52 damage still standing still standing baby Still sliding down that rock oh

So you you are a hundred and eighty feet down. Oh, and I can use my second wind right here As a that's about a thousand years. All right cool. Yeah, as I'm sliding down and I can use my second wind right here. That's about a thousand. You can use yours. All right, cool. Yeah, as I'm sliding down. And you've already used your action surge, right? Yeah.

All right, hard one uses a second wind, jumps down. That is Akarot's turn. Bev, give me the post strength check against Akarot. Cool. Oh, I hope he's so weak. He sounds weak from the way he talks. He got a 19. I got a 22 so weak. He sounds weak from the way he talks. He got a 19. I got a 22.

Yes! Yes! Akarot! That's a strong young lad! Akarot reaches into your pocket. Grab the coin of Akarot. Goes rust something for you so I can be your dad. That's my property. You gave that to me as a gift. Beverly, you reach up and grab his wrist and pull it away from him

And Akarad goes you fool. What are you doing? Nonetheless my hollow body my perfect Perfect pale prints will do the job don't look a hollow body in the mouth and he disappears oh in black smoke and fire I got a form of Akarad Dang it, but he does not get the coin off to rust what you was trying to do. Rust goes, what was that? What was he trying to give me? Don't worry, it's worthless. I fully fucking believe you. It's got sense of mental value, but nothing else.

That is the pale princess turn. Pale princess already taken a decent amount of damage. He is going to hold his turn and wait for the dragon. You see that he looks up to the dragon. That is Thomas turn. I'm going to rush another 80 feet down with Oscar. That is Rust's turn. The dragon has just thrown Wilhelm.

So Rust turns and looks at Will Helm and goes, DUD, what do I do? And he goes, you fool, get the King's Hammer! And Rust runs off and he's just gonna start jumping down the mountain, I guess. Okay, so he's got 30 feet of speed, so he'll run 30 feet. And then he sees hard one down there. Hard one, how many feet did you jump? 150?

He's gonna jump 160. I could jump further than you prick. Let's see how much damage he takes though. 64 damage and doesn't look great for it. You see he just like bashes into the ground right below you hard one. 64 would have knocked me out. So I'm glad I did. I'm gonna save the dwarves, hard one. God, you broke both your ankles, bud. That is the hammer. Hammer is going to fall another 160 feet. Gun land, some time. That is Wilhelm Bronzebeard's turn.

Wilhelm Bronzebeard is going to run over and hop on Beverly's back. Come on, we need to go. We need to get going. You're need is, we need to get that hammer. You're so much bigger than me. He's so. He's like fully waiting you down.

All right. So, the choice. It is your job to secure the future of the dwarves in the whole realm. I use my feet like big snowshoes and I start like skidding down the mountain. Sweet. Moon shine, that's your turn.

All right. I am going to right now save my second gash's form for a future jump. So I'm not going to do that right now. Instead I'm going to turn up and see the pale prints that hollow body and I'm gonna lighten and bowl him. Okay, go ahead. Cool. So he makes the dexterity saving throw.

12. He does not save! No, don't do it. Watch out. You fool. He takes 27 lightning damage and anything on him catches on fire. Okay.

Ooh. You see his, yeah, his clothes catch on fire. How's he looking? I think he looks pretty good. He's pretty buff. Is he naked? He is not naked. No, he's got his arm around.

Okay. He's got plate mail on. And then I think ass a... Oh, on a bucket, I think I can't go into it. Okay, how far can I safely move? You can move your speed. So I do move 35 feet down. Okay, you're at 535 feet.

Hammer is at 660 feet. Nice. I have only rolled above like 70 feet. It's been insane. Yeah, bummer. That is Boundor's turn. Boundor is gonna try to jump onto the dragon. Yeah, let's go for it!

I'm gonna say DC20 athletics check for a boy. If not, he'll just hit the damage. Yo, you got this, Boundor. So it's 180 feet. Also, he'll just land on the rocks for that many d6 of damage. All of us need to say, I believe in Balnor. I believe in Balnor. I believe in Balnor.

Balnor gets a 21. Balnor. Yes, yes, yes. Oh, Munchan, I'm coming for you. Jumpstown grabs onto this dragon. Balnor on the dragon's back. You have captured our hearts in your bag. And then that was his movement, so it'll take a tag.

Oh, because I hope that bag is big enough for all this admiration. He misses on both attacks, and the dragon does have legendary actions that has not gotten to use, because it's not near anybody. It is going to take a tail attack against Balnor. And misses, actually.

Yeah. No Balnor. He is. He is. He is. He is. He gonna go Valnor. This is a mystery. Bev's turn. Okay, so I've got, I'm piggybacking Wilhelm right now. Yes. What I wanna do, I wanna grab my amulet. Okay, and go ahead and do a perception check to find it.

Okay. That's gonna be a 13. Okay, yes, you were able to find it in the rock sneer you. Okay, so I grab that and then I'm having a dad party me and Wilhelm are gonna jump down onto the dragon as well. Sweet. Go ahead and give me an Athletics check. DC 20. This is not what Wilhelm wanted to do is it. Wait, do I get to reroll twos for stuff other than attacks with my I think so. Yeah, yeah, hapling looker. Oh With my sword wetstone. I think it's just, yeah. Halfling, lucker. Oh. With my sword, wet stone.

I think it's just on attack rolls. Well, then shout out to the two crew. Oh. You know what, and Lil. But also, wait, hold on. I guess I, it was DC 20. Yes. Yeah, I, I, I flub that.

Okay. So you fall 180 feet. Uh-oh. Down onto the rocks. Can I wait? It's not bad going on. As I'm falling, can I touch hands myself? Oh no.

Yes, I'm not. You're looking right at the amulet. I'll let you do that. Sir, I did get the amulet back. I want a shout loud enough, so hard one, and Beverly can hear. If they get the hammer and end the world, we'll figure this out.

It's gonna be okay. We're all gonna suck anyway. We can work around that. This thing to hear in battles, we'll figure this out. We'll figure this out. We'll make do. We always do. We always find a way.

We'll carry on, we will. Make a new world. Yeah. You take 71 damage, Beth. Jesus, fucking Christ. You are not standing, are you? How much damage 71 are you standing? Yes I gave myself 20 H. That is beautiful We'll touch hands and 74 HP. Well, what about Wilhelm bronze beard? Okay, so Beth you jump off

With Wilhelm bronze beard on your back and he goes that's it. We're gonna save the room We're gonna save the room for the broadspear. You overshoot the dragon and you keep falling and will help broadspear just brains himself on the rock. Just like is fully fucking dead. His head explodes. Brain's shoot all over you. I do not think you'll hear me a lot. I do not think it did. Oh, I did not mean to kill a dad. I think that's okay. I think that's okay. He's better the rocks did it than us.

Oh, myth is from the songs. Okay, I will. All right, P. I took 71. Yes, I'm at 3HP. Even though brains bashed against the boulders is a pretty catchy diddy. Yeah, that's a litterative, for sure. That is the hammer. the boulders is a pretty catchy diddy. Yeah, that's a litterative for sure.

That is the hammer. Okay, that turned to just move to 60 feet, so it's at 720 feet. This episode of NADPOT has brought to you by Bird Dogs. They're a company that makes pants and shorts, so no matter where you fall and the age old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered. Now we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's gonna be difficult! Luckily Bird Dogs has made the decision of which pants and shorts to buy a little easier.

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Dragon is going to fly down, scoop the pale prints and move down to a 360 feet. It is exactly halfway to the hammer. That is hard one's turn. All right, so I'm already at 180. Yep, from last time. I think I'm, so I'll use my movement to get to 210. Yeah.

Okay. And then I will try to jump on the dragon too. Oh, I'm gonna try to, I'm gonna try to jump on Balnor. Ha, ha, ha, no. Oh, okay. I'm gonna swan yeah, I'm gonna try to jump on Belnor I'm gonna swan dive into the bag That's my that's actually good. I'll say DC 20 athletics check. Oh, okay That is exactly a 20 hey Everyone you jumped out land on top of the dragon with the pale prince and Belnor Hey Belnor goes. Oh, it's good to see you, but. Yeah, good to see you too, Balnor.

This guy's kind of a do-eat, right? You don't know what you think. Oh, I'm the perfect hall body. Do I get to attack? You don't, because you used your movement to go an extra 30 feet. Cool. So you used your action to jump.

White dragon is going to use a legendary action to snap his tail at ya. That is a 27 to hit. No, this is. But, if you're not, believe it or not, that's not gonna do it. Hard one's not having it today. Hard one's bad.

You can use a bonus action if you'd like to see Bev's amulet because Bev has jumped at this point. Oh yeah, I'm kind of slow right over the drain. Can you grab your edge? I got it, yeah. I'm actually okay, because over the dragon. Did you grab your edge? Turn away from the ground? I got it, yeah. I'm actually okay, because I took my second win. Okay.

But I will be tracking. He does 12 damage with the tail whip. 12 damage with a tail whip. That is the pale prince's turn. Pale prince on the back of the dragon runs towards you hard one or rather crawls towards you on the back of the dragon It was pretty fucking mental hot dude. What do you think? I don't know. I think you're kind of a dick.

Here's in this guy cut. You see Akarat lifts up the pale princess shirt and you see his like 16 pack abs. That's pretty good. This guy rolls me off. Yeah, it's a lot of definition. He's like a have. He's fucking rolled. He rolled. This is sort of more like mass. I bet that he rolled. All right, he's fucking vascular. He's fucking vascular.

He gets a 25 to hit on the first attack. That's 12 damage. I'll cut out love showing off his action figures. Second attack. Miss figures. Second attack. Misses, third attack. Shout out to the two crew. Oh, ho ho. That is Tomas turn.

Toma, not doing much at this point. Yeah. Just fucking continue to charge down on Oscar. Isn't that range weapons? Not this kind of. She does. Yeah, she can shoot. Yeah, she'll shoot her crossbow at the.

Um, thanks, Blue Giant. Thanks for talking to her. She does have. She shoots. I reminded her on the ride down. I was like, I do have a crossbow. You are a natural leader. She does seven damage. I'll take it. Um, and she misses on the second crossbow shot. Um, but the white dragon is going to take a legendary action To flip up and tail attack hard one hits with a 24 to hits

That is nine damage, okay? All right, you mean it is there. Yeah, I mean, I'm looking at healing words range, but I'm feeling good about where you're at That is rust turn also glad that you're at. That is Rust's turn. Also glad that you're all on the dragon head in my way. Rust is going to try to jump on the dragon with you guys. Oh no! This is the end of Rust ain't it. Rust yells down after you, Bev.

What happened to my dad? Is he okay? He's great. He's good? Oh yeah, he's fine. Go ahead and give me this after you check. He doesn't have to., he's fine. Go ahead and give me this after you check. Ha ha ha ha. He doesn't have to. Your uncle's dead kid.

What? No, no, no, no, he's fine. He's just sleeping. I got it in 19. I'm 19, okay. That's enough to pull him. He wants you to focus on killing this big old dragon. You got it, dad. I freaking promise you I'll kill it. So pitiful. He's gonna make an athletics check. Um, and he rolls a natural 18. He's definitely gonna be able to beat a 20 okay? Rust jumps down lands on this dragon with you hard one and he goes I did it. I'm just as good as you punk. Yeah, fucking brick. Well, you're not as smart as me That's your dad's head on the wall. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah

The dragon killed the man I'm gonna make this happening. There we go. That's isn't that the truth Kind of yeah Shout out to the two crew no dude. I tripped. Oh No Shout out to the two crew no dude I tripped oh No He goes you're lying. What do you want to be our restaurant? Forward and he's gonna try to attack you He misses shout out to the two crew second attack is a seven he misses third attack is a

Boba 18 hit which doesn't hit you does not But he's swinging out you furiously, he misses. It's tragic dumbass. Cool. I'd like to just imagine that I didn't try to dodge your parry or block. I just let him hit me and it didn't hurt. That is the hammer. Okay. A hundred feet.

It's slowing down against all physical laws. Friction. It's more snow. Mm. Oh, there you go. Yeah. That is Moonshine's turn. I'm at super low health. I guess I'll just heal myself. Yeah for cure wounds. Cool. We are all falling. Yeah Gashes and getting We have avoided that. Yeah, no one's in range just To spore. So yeah, I can't really do anything.

Okay. Oh, that is Balnor's turn. Balnor's super hurt from the wing attack before and from the frost breath, but he's still alive. He's just going to take some cracks at... Shit. Who the fuck did he take cracks at? I guess the pale prince.

He jumps forward and he swings. He hits on the first attack. He misses on the second attack. He does a big 10 damage. Nice ballarm. Every little bit counts. That is Bebs turn. Okay, here's what I want to do. I want to jump towards the dragon. Okay. And as soon as I get close, I want to misty step onto the dragon. And then when I land in exuberance, I want to slap my chest and use the rest of my touch hands. I think you should grab both butt cheeks.

Absolutely. Beverly, let the record show. You jump towards the dragon. You go ahead and make an athletics check to try to land directly on it. I thought the athletics check was to find his narrow, tight little butt cheeks. Oh, there they go. At these heights, you definitely want to missy step anyway, because you'll crotch yourself pretty hard. Yeah, I got an eight, so I should probably missy step.

Yeah, so you overshoot the dragon. You start falling below it, you missy step back up, land, atop the dragon, with rust. Hard one. Rust is hysterical going at hard one. You're long to be mad. No, no, no, your dad is really dead. Rust is going.

Hey guys! Going at hard work. They have up here's there with Boundorm, that washboard ass. And he heals himself for 20. Drop it like it's not. I've been selfish with my touch hands. I apologize. That is the hammer.

Hammer only falls 30 feet that turn. Great round for the hammer. That is. So hammer's 850. Yes. 8 Fitty. That is the dragon's turn, dragon. Goes another 160 feet. It is at 480, about halfway to the hammer.

That is hard one's turn. Hard one you're up there with rust. The pale prince, you got the dragon there. Balonor's on Death's Door, Bebs there. I think I'm gonna swing it rust. Okay. I've had enough of your bullying. I liked books, you son of a bitch.

You liked that, and that's Lenny! Yeah! Reading is good! Drugs and reading are good, that's the message of hard one. Wow, yeah. So conflicting, but drugs and drugs, kids. 30 damage on the first.

He's very hurt. Cool. So you're just crying. You're a fucking nerd, man. Not a nerd, you're a bully. 26 to hit. That hits. 14 damage. 14 damage.

14 damage, okay. He is very hurt, not dead yet, but very hurt. Can I look at Bebs' ass and amulet? Yes, yes. I see if I can find his ass, but it's sort of like a piece of paper, turn to the side. I'm clenching the amulet between my butt cheeks. Can't you see it?

I see a thin white line. So pale. It's almost like a dimple floating in the air. Someone drew a line on a piece of paper. As a legendary action, the dragon is going to do a tail attack. So I want to do a tail attack. So I want everybody on the dragon, including Boundor and Rust, are going to roll just pure luck checks to see who it attacks. Because for some people, this is like deadly at this point. Whee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee got a 10. I got an 8 11 11 okay so Beverly gets attacked by tail goes up to attack Beverly only rolled a 14.

Whooo! Mrs. Arradi. Whips up at Beverly Beverly moves out of the way. I don't take second. Okay cool that's not a half damage one. No that does not. You do not take damage. That's an easy one. Pale Prince is just gonna take swings at hard one. What? Someone's fighting your little bully, you fool. This is so much history. This is like a nightmare. I mean, the middle is something.

Yeah, my ex is fiancee. And your high school bully just like wailing on you. You're somehow in your underwear. Nine damage on the first hit. Okay. Takes a second attack, hits with a 25 to hit. 14 damage on the second hit. Third attack, shout out to the two crew.

Hail Prince misses. Yeah, just keep up enjoying me. We can thwack the gash together. He's, your arms are so vain.. We can black the gas together. Your arms are so vany. How do you get the blood pumping that? I don't know. I didn't do this myself. Can I...

May I see your calves? Ha ha ha. Lift them up. They're so vany. Oh my god. That is Tomas turn. Toma, I'll take another 80. And continue running down to crossbow shots at the dragon misses once hits once nice For nine damage Thomas being steady

Yeah, you know respect, tell me sure and steady wins the race Then the dragon is going to take tell him is gonna end up with the King's hammer also that three hours Dragon dragon takes a legendary action. Guys, go ahead and roll me luck check. See who it attacks. Uh-oh. Another 11. 11 as well.

Shout out to the two crew for Balnor. Oh, no. Tail. Thwax, Balnor in the back of the neck. You see he collapses onto the dragon. I'm gonna do just pure athletics check. Just like, I guess pure luck check. I'll say, I'll roll in front of the table. 11 through 20, he stays on the dragon I'm gonna do just pure athletics check just like I guess pure luck check I'll say I'll roll in front of the table 11 through 20. He stays on the dragon. Otherwise he falls off

I can't grab him 13 maybe 13 stays on the dragon. He just falls backwards Bound the words knock the fuck out one do you want those pep sticks? I sure fucking hell yeah. Oh yeah, that pep sticks going into that half lunge. Step that dead. That is a rust turn. Rust is fighting hard one. Gonna swing it hard one. Hits.

Rolls-a-match. Can we all twerk together and kill a dragon? Wouldn't that be fun? Bev, I'm in the middle of something. 12 damage on the first attack. It's a really good scrapbookable moment, I think. This is like the modern hero's quest. This is like if Joseph Campbell wrote it now,

he'd be like, that must kill thine high school bully. And that X is fiance. I've forgotten all about the dragon. This is my friend. 19 to hit on the second attack. God damn it. 8 damage on the second attack. It takes a third attack.

Rolls of seven misses. Misses big time. That is back around to the fucking hammer. Hammer falls 40 more feet. So is that 890? That is moonshine's turn. All right, I'm at 500 feet. Dragons at 480 feet.

I can jump onto him, right? moonshine, with the dragon only 20 feet away. Yeah, you can go ahead and make an acrobatics or an athletics check to catch. I'll, to grab it. I'll say 15. Okay, I'm gonna go for it. Do it. Oh, I'm on. What's your name?

I got a 25. Nice. Moonshine, get on the dragon. Launch up. You do like a 15 foot fucking vertical and jump five feet over and join this fucking group of misfits. Half of them are knocked out. Rustin' hard when we're going at it. Just completely eyes off the prize.

You hear the static voice just being like, get the hammer, hammer, hammer, hammer, hammer. Hey Moonshine, welcome to the party. One second, voice. Y'all, I do, I am concerned about this fucking dragon though. A little bit, yeah. So I'm gonna also, I'm gonna use my action to put my hands on either side of his little ears

and lightning bolt his brain. Okay, sweet. Yeah, so do a dexterity save and throw. 10. Okay. 29. Welcome to the party, Zard. Yeah, so do a dexterity save and throw 10 okay 29 welcome to the party's art. It's my final third level spell down to three fourth level spell Okay, first level spells can you just go barbarian? No, yep, all right cool Yeah, you know what I got a bonus action. I'm gonna fucking go barbarian. Okay, you go on a rage I actually know cuz I gotta go in the fucking fungal form

And I can't do that rage so I don't give me luck checks see who gets whacked with the tail Damn another 11. Oh god of five six. Okay, um Bev is gonna get attacked You know I see in this right that is an 18 hit that misses right? Oh, it does my AC's 19 bev gets out of the way That is Balnor turn Balnor is gonna do a death saving throw. That's a seven for Balnor. That's a fail Oh, for Balnor that is Bev's turn all right. I'm gonna run over to Balnor Okay, I'm gonna just like get my hand on him I'm gonna hold him so that he doesn't fall off this damn dragon. Okay with my other hand

I'm just gonna take my sword and divine smite right into the spine of the dragon. Okay, great. Um, go ahead and make an attack on the dragon It does 21 hit it does yes, okay And it is undead so it'll be an extra D8. Oh shit. Can I have spores to my dude also for six? Just take those six boars. Please, that emergency. Yes, it is. Please, that emergency. 25.

Dragon has taken a decent amount of hits, but it's still standard. A fucking dragon. It's still a fucking dragon. Continues to be a dragon. Continues to be a dragon. Can I take my next attack? Yes, go ahead.

Cool. That's going to be... The dragon is like fully fucking waged down. No, it's like, is it falling faster towards the hammer. You know what? I think new I think that physics say that it wouldn't fall faster, right? Well, it's flying right now. Oh, I think I'm the dragon's next. You right. Yeah. Okay, so that's going to be a 23 to hit 23 to hit. Okay. Dragon that 480. the hammer's at 850. That's going to be 11 damage. That is the hammer. Wasn't that fucking 80 feet. Jesus.

Alora. I don't mean to take your name in vain. I know you don't care though. All right. That is the dragon's turn. Dragon's done fucking around. The dragon is just gonna let its wings go and fall the full 500 feet towards the hammer. It'll make an athletics check to like line up with the hammer. And it succeeds. It gets a 25, it's got a lot of strength. You guys on the hammer, everybody give me like deck saves to stay on the dragon. Can we say that I stabbed my sword in and I'm holding on with my sword?

Uh, you did just a tack it. I'll allow you to do that and I'll allow you to hang on a bell door. Okay. I'll give you advantage on the roll in that case. Nice. Do we get, do we add Beb's thing? Yes. Great. So that's 20. Ooh! I got a 20 as well. I got a 24. Perfect. Yeah, great. So that's 20 I got a 20 as well. I got a 24 perfect you guys all hang on as you guys see the things wings go in and it begins to

plummet and you guys all grab on I'm actually gonna have rust. Oh, no, do a dex check So as hard one has just been like attacked by the pale prince from behind, rust pulls up his spear and he goes, oh, oh, fucking idiot, got distracted. And he begins to lose his balance. Hard one, what do you do? Oh, no. He's not helping us. I grab him, I grab him by the forearm with my with my right hand, and I say just like on the school yard, right buddy, and then I twist his nipple, really, really hard, and push him off the back of the house. Yeah!

He was just attacking us anyways, and we literally don't have time. Every single time we fought, my empathy fucking fizzles when he all started attacking us. You purpled, nerpled, rostom throw him off the dragon He was like falling back anyway last I'm gonna kick your fucking ass man He's just spray on the rocks just legs break as soon as he hits them

I can still be overcome by rock go to the frickin forge his last two sensations where humiliation and a purple nerple So elation, really infinite. And now hard one is committed to learning to read. Super gone. Okay, the dragon has flown within, I'll say like 10 or 20 feet of the hammer now. That is your turn, hard one. It is falling like parallel. Like the dragon's not stupid enough that it would like lead you right to it. Like the pale prince is quite clearly going to like jump to it or something on his turn. But hard one, you are

falling parallel to the hammer right now. Okay. This is you. This is you tall, Dwarren. I guess I'm going to jump at the hammer. You're going to jump at the hammer Duro. I'm on. I guess I'm gonna jump at the hammer. You're gonna jump at the hammer? Yeah, I'm gonna jump at the hammer. I'm here to hear you, something goes wrong. You got your feather fall ring. I'm gonna say. Oh yeah, I'm gonna also down my feather fall ring.

Oh my goodness. Put it on my pinky. Okay, that's a very good thing. Okay, hard when you jump for it. I'm gonna say, go ahead and give me a DC-20 athletics check to try to grab the hammer as you jump. That is 22.

Oh, it's pretty good. Hard one, you jump off of the dragon. I don't know if I should be excited because this hammer button Kill me or explode You're the only one that could between all four of us. Yeah, yeah, but I could include a bowler. What about Toma? Thomas so far. Yeah, yeah, Thomas just air shooting off arrows. Just Toma give you a quick thumbs up. We need to know. Good, good, very good. Harman, you jump off the dragon. You grab the hammer in the air.

What do you think or say as you grab it? I'm more than stick. So that day. So that hot molding. I'm thinking that I've known nothing but dwarven culture and more in my entire life and I'm just trying to channel any bit of dwarven heritage that I have innate in my body from growing up inside the mountain. Go ahead and give me a...

I'm saying this is a religion check but you can use like your strength. Like a true dwarf. He's still got a luck point by the way in case he needs it. And I think I'll is a religion check, but you can use like your strength Like a true dwarf. He's the guy luck point by the way in case you need it. I think I'll take a luck point. Ah 28 Holy shit Hard one you grab the hammer and You are instantly Surrounded with a frosty aura, but strangely, it warms you.

The hammer feels right in your hands. Sick. Uh, you hear the voice, you hear the voice that was calling out to you guys, trying to talk to you guys through the planes that kind of sounded like radio static or something, suddenly comes through clear. You hear a voice whisper, Gemma's voice.

I tall dwarf, and you grab the hammer. Suddenly three dwarven spirits emerge from the hammer. The original dwarven kings, Koldane, Bronzebeer, and McGannis. You land on the side of the mountain, and you start to slide down and you're running down kind of falling along with the drag and you've got this hammer out. You see Coldain, sort of the main spirit comes forward because it was his hammer and he

goes, you are human. Why do we fight for you? How do you even wield this hammer? Your guess is as good as mine. I'm just a summer boy, but me and my friends are trying to save the world. You see the ghosts like look up, see that you've just like jumped like fucking 40 feet off this dragon, this dragon's falling next to you. You're sliding down the mountain, mountains all crumbling, and Colton goes, well, you might be a summer boy, but you've got the big frills in the balls, a little fight. Yeah. And you've now got a fifth-level spirit guardians

around you. Fuck, yeah. So you've got spirits of dwarves going around you. That is the Pale Princess turn. The Pale prince jumps off the dragon and he's gonna take that spear guarding damage, huh? He gets a 26. He lands right next to you. He is going to take the spear guarding damage. Go ahead and roll 5d8. Kick his ass, spirit daddies. No, he's not a dwarf. He's not a real dwarf.

23. 23 damage. Spirit daddy's He's not a dwarf. He's not a real dwarf 23 23 damage Palprin's is looking Very fucked up, but he's still alive and he landed right next to you. He's gonna take Three swings at you First one shout out to the two crew. Yeah, second one Shout out to the seven Plevens Third one my favorite the n, blevins. Third one. My favorite.

That's gonna hit. That's a 24 to hit. Cool. 10 damage. Sweet. You okay? Yeah. Okay.

I'm emotionally shook up. I heard your voice. Sure. That is Thomas turn. Thomas is so far away. If she heard that, that means that she's watching. Yeah. Right?

That's gonna make you flex them, Pecs. She ever watched this. Ha ha ha. Thomas very far away. But if she heard that, that means that she's watching. Yeah. Right? That's going to make you flex them, Pecs. Gemma watch this. Ha ha ha. Thomas is very far away. Thomas is just going to run down and take two fucking crossbow shots with the dragon. Oh, go at the guilders fucking dragon. You'll be glad at the end that I helped.

Keep withlin. Keep withlin. She rolls two fives in a row. She binks off and misses so bad. Sorry, I don't want the wolf to roll an ankle. Tomo you don't apologize for anything. Thank you so much. Thank you so much.

Munchan that's your turn. You're on the back of this dragon. OK is there any chance I could use animal handling on this dragon? He's a demon dragon. OK you got to ask you know I guess I'm just going to go barbarian and attack. Cool.

You also have, yeah, you've got Rosalene, so you'll do an extra D6 if you hit. Yeah. Yeah, go ahead. 23. That hits. Yeah, baby. So you do three D6s with the explosion of fire

from Rosalene. So that's gonna be, that's gonna be 18. 18? And then I'm spores him for six. Okay. So just a nice little 20. He's looking pretty messed up. He's going to swing up.

I'm gonna say, it's just Beverly Moonshine on there. Guys roll to see Laku. He legendary attacks with his tail. 15. 16. Okay. Sorry.

I'm having nox, okay. I think I can having knocks okay. I do moonshine I can sustain a hit he does hit He hits for 18 damage still standing are you raging? Yeah, okay to nine damage So that's good yeah, that is Balanore's turn Balanore is gonna go ahead and do a death saving throw It's a 12 that's one positive for Balnor. All right, that is Bev's turn. All right, I'm just gonna keep holding on to him,

and kinda like whisper to him, like, hang in there, bud. We'll get you through this. And then I just keep kinda like, just sowing a garden of discord within the spine of this dragon. All right, so this is gonna be my last divine smite of the day. No, it's not. That's a three. Okay.

So let me roll my second attack. That's a four. 12 doesn't hit. 12 does not hit. Oh god, two misses. Shit. So bonus action I can do? Do some stand-up.

I tell my best knock knock joke to Balmari with sprinter. Ugh. Just quick goofing around. Um, okay, as a bonus action, can I cast Shield of Faith on Moonshine? Yes, please. Cool. That is the Dragon's turn. Dragon is going to fly down at hard one. These spirit dwarves come and start swinging hammers

at this dragon as it comes. You got yourself into some fucking shit here, man. Yeah, dude, this happens to me all the time. You're gonna have an awesome time. Fucking my skin. Sorry, it's cold day and it was just fucking hanging out and just throwing the reman. Really?

Yeah, cold day, come on. We haven't gotten this much fucking action in a long time, man. So go ahead and roll your 5-D-8 as it enters the aura 27 dragon looks quite fucked up, but it's not dead yet dragon takes three claw attacks against hard one first one 20 to hit that hit 12 damage. Oh second attack 29 to hit.

That is 14 damage. This is 12 plus 14. Third attack. 28 to hit. God, that's a strong dragon. 15 damage. Still standing baby. A.

Hard one stays up. That is hard one's turn. Hard one. In order for the spirit guardians to work, you need to like drop the axe or put it at your side. You need to use the hammer. Yeah, I'm gonna buy it with the hammer. I was gonna tell you to anyway. Yeah, I'll put the axe by my side for a second.

Okay. What's this hammer do? This hammer does 1d10 of bludgeoning damage plus 1d6 of cold damage and it also lets you do spirit guardians occasionally. I'll fill you in on that if you decide to keep it a bit. Oh, okay, let's, I think we should pawn it. And I'll say, Gemma, wherever you are, watch this.

Yes. And I rolled a matte one. No! No! Lie! Oh, you have a luck point, though. I'm gonna use the luck point. I just need to get really poetic.

Are you going to do the dragon or the pale prince? Oh, pale prince is quite hurt and the dragon is quite hurt. Go for the prince. I'll go for the prince. Dragon also has legendary actions. Mmm, mmm, mmm. Yeah, but I feel like these guys are on the dragon. I trust my comrades.

Okay. I'm gonna go after the thank you. Okay. If I can hit a gemma, anyway, as I was saying, I slipped for a second. Watch this. It's okay. That's a three. Oh no.

Oh, but I get a second attack. Make your second attack. There we go. That is a 29 or something. Okay, 29. Go ahead and hit the pale prints. 21. Hard one.

Finishing. So sick. All right. Gemma's totally watching. Yeah, that's why I'm going to say pale prints. I respect the body that you've created, not the devil that you've become. I know this isn't what your jacked calves would have wanted.

And I'm gonna, I'm gonna decapitate him from the eyes up, leaving him to body perfectly intact. Hard open task. Beautiful, no respect for the brain, only respect for the body. You use, yeah, the King's hammer just like, fully bashes in his face, so Akarot's face is not there anymore, but you maintain the beard, it's perfect.

That's exactly what I wanted. You see his body falls back into the snow, and you just know somewhere under there it's preserved, as the avalanche like you soon see. I hope it freezes. They'll find you in the future. Rest in the forge. And then at the end of your turn, the dragon's gonna take a legendary action.

Ah! That's gonna hit. That is a... On who? 22 to hit, on hard one. All right, well let's see if he does more than four damage. Yeah, right, he can. Impossible.

An undead dragon, yeah, right. 20 damage. I am down hard one goes down Oh, I'm magnificent around though the pale prince is done RIP jarard coldane, Toma hunter turn It's gonna continue to run down. I was gonna take two shots at the dragon misses both times. She's so sorry at the end of Thomas turn Dragon is going to take a tail attack legendary action on Buh-buh I guess us yeah, you guys are on its back. So just roll see it's just kind of like oh 12 as well

Roll off guys. Oh fun. It's unlucky enough to get Swipe 15 15. Okay, all right. It goes after you, Bev. That's a 22 to hit. That hits. Uh-oh. I think Bev might be down. 22 damage, Bev.

Bev's up. Oh, nice, dude. Okay, okay, okay. Bev, you get whipped by the tail. Okay. That is moonshine's time. Okay, so are we close enough that I could jump on the hard one? Yeah, the dragon's fighting hard

So what I want to do is I'm going to come out of my rage bonus action Healing word Balnor and then I'm gonna jump on the hard one and stab him with the pep stick action Awesome Hell yes, okay, how much do you heal Balnor before okay? My action. Awesome. Fucking hell, yes. Okay, how much do you heal Bal Noir for? Okay, so it's just a healing word, but it'll get him out of decedies.

You don't get him to not have to die. What's the word? The healing word is, this is just as a friend. I didn't hear that pop sang up with a little stint. Healing word is platonic. I heal him for 10, and then I'm jumping on to hard one and stab him in the chest We fucking pep sticks have him in the chest hard one you wake up with a start The craziest dream. Oh no, what's happening still? You're just you're just at one HP right now, but you're awake

You will eventually get your HP back, but at least you don't have to do death saving throws this turn But you are awake. You you, Moonshine. You are awake. Dragon is going to take a legendary action and swipe at Moonshine as she jumps down onto hard one. Okay. That's a 23 to hit. That does hit.

17 damage. I'm still standing. Moonshine's still standing. Way to go. That is Bound or is turn. Bound or is going to take two swigs at the Dragon. Just Bound or just covered in blood as jumped on top of this guy. He's been knocked out for half the fight. Mrs. on his first attack hits on his second attack.

For 10 damage. This dragon is right fucked up. Bev, that is your turn. Bev, you are riding this fucking dragon. You guys are plummeting down this dragon is so desperate It's just like acroids doesn't even have a way to thwack the gas anymore. This is just pure spite pure I'm gonna fucking kill you So as my bonus action. I'm gonna go ahead and use my amulet to heal up a little bit for my one HP Oh my god, hey man. I'm at two as a free action Can I minor illusion a cowboy hat into my hand? Yes.

As I yippee-kaya this dragon into the ground. And in my other hand, I'm just gonna stab down. It's hard as I can. Go ahead and make an attack. 21 hits. Super hits. All right, great. Okay, well that's eight damage.

Eight damage. On the first hit. Okay. Very, very, very hurt. Let me do one more attack. Come on, kid, come on. Does, oh shit, does 15 hit? 15 does not hit.

I'm trying to spore some next round. Okay, that is the dragon's turn. He's going to take, I guess, a bite attack against one of you and then a claw attack against the other one. Bring in. I'm not on the dragon anymore. Remember, I'm on hard ones. Yeah, but you guys are getting attacked.

Okay, so, he'll do a bite attack against Moon-Chine to start. 15 to hit. Fuck, this is it. Don't hit. Yes! Oh, Malore is a different. We'll claw you though,

and hits with the claws. I'm down. Wait. difference. We'll claw you though. And hits with the claws. I'm down. Wait. I have two hit points. Okay, five, 11 damage. Okay, I'm down. Okay, Moonshine goes down. Gonna take his last claw attack against Hard one.

Do I have one hit point? Oh yeah, what is Hard one at, isn't he? You're at one hit point. Oh goodness. And he's gonna hit hard one So he hits hard one for 11 damage hard one goes down I'll say the spirits stay up, but they won't do their attacks basically like the hammer kind of gets flung back as hard one Falls back so hard one goes down hard one. That's your turn. I Get to give a death saving go ahead and get a death. Yeah, all right great. Oh

That is a seven are they close enough to my aura? I'm on the dragon, they're not. Shit. You're right next to him. Yeah. Okay, yeah. Great. Plus four then. 11. Okay, that passes. That was very... Woo! That's a Moanchan turn. Go ahead and give me a death save. 13, but then it's actually 17.

Okay, Moanchhine's good. My friends can't die. I still have to teach them how to read. That is Balnor's turn. All I need is to make sure that they get a library card. At the end of Moonshine's turn, Dragon's gonna take a tail whip at Balnor hits. God dammit.

And rolled two ones, so that's eight damage. Ha, he's still standing. Valnor is still standing. I give him 10 hit points. Valnor is good. Valnor is going to jump down and he's going to try to resuscitate, who will he try to resuscitate? I guess he'll try to resuscitate Moonshan.

And he gets an 11 on a whist of Jack, so you're good. Nice. He said, by doing actually. Yeah, that is Bev's turn. I'm still on the dragon. Oh, actually, at the end of the dragon's turn, or at the end of Balnor's turn,

drag is gonna take a legendary action, hits Balnor, Balnor whwipped with a tail, Balnor goes down. Oh no, so wait, but Moonchan is stabilized. Yeah. But I'm not awake, I can't heal people. Dragon is on DesiDore. So you're just watching this all happen. No, I'm not, I'm unconscious. Yes. Oh, she's unconscious.

We're all on good. What are you at? I'm at 38. Oh, okay. My amulet, got it. Okay. Which is nice. Okay. Okay, well I'm going to pray to Pelor and see if I can get

an assist from Morton. You got two hits, two hits, baby. You see yeah, rocks and snow are just falling down all around you. You guys have kind of like gone so fast and jumped so far that you've passed where a lot of like the mountain has fallen. So like the direct area that you guys are on isn't sliding off yet, but like rocks and snow

are falling from above you. I gotta make more space for this roll. I feel like it's bumping up against cups and stuff and that doesn't count unless it's a 20. It's a 19. That'll do it. That'll do it. That'll work.

All right, let me roll. You got to end up buying, you got to smite the- I'm not a smite, unfortunately. Okay, that's fine. I hit the track with your blunt ass. It's hard and flat. That's 10. 10 damage?

Yeah. Beverly. Finish him. I steer the, I like, plunge the sword into its brain. Crash the dragon and a controlled crash landing. Right next to the hard one. I take hard one's hand and put my tiny sword into it and then I finish the dragon with one final blow from hard one.

And I forevermore will be known as hard one short put the dragon slayer. I have anyone proved that story. Akurat. No more. What a fucking thing to add to your end. Aka-rott. A-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p- agreed if you could spread that in the afterlife I think that would be really good for our friend right now I Can I see the spirits you can see this dragon in my sleep so Beth you land next to hard one I'm gonna have you go back and forth and yeah, so bound or is also out So this is going to be rounds of you trying to my goodness them back. So I'm like hot potatoing you're about to like.

So wisdom rolls. Yes, Ben. And Papa do a wisdom roll on one of them. Sure, sure. Papa, it's up to us. Papa's gonna scramble on my bib. Papa scramble's out of his bib and he'll try to help Balnor. Papa, get your scrub on.

18. Balnor somehow manages to do fucking chest compressions on ballinor. I got I got an 18 as well. Okay Papa and Beverly successfully Recessitate hard one in moonshine you guys are beaten bloodied You guys are all there kind of like catching your breath.

You guys are at the fucking edge of the world here. You guys have just defeated Akarot and saved the world, but this mountain is collapsing all around you guys. And you see an avalanche headed towards you from above you. And hard one has the hammer and you hear Koldane goes mountain always tries to kill dwarves but dwarves we survivors. You see bronze beard flies over to Beverly and goes, eh, sorry that some of the people in my family

are kind of pricks. I'm going to, you know. Hey, you know what, it's all water under the crab water. It got away from us. Water under the crab. He puts his arms around you. You don't buy a chance, you need another dad, do you? I would never say no, getting lined, bud.

Don't twist my arm. Beverly, you start to feel very cold at first, but then you feel warm and you lose consciousness. Moonshine and hard one, you see that Beverly has just turned to ice, like a rock around him. The Bubble Boys become a block boy? Yes. Then you see the ghost of McGannis' ancestor goes over to Balnor, turns him into a frozen

block of ice, and then Col d'ane leaves the hammer and goes over to moonshine, and he goes, ugh, elf, you're very attractive, you married me, maybe. Yeah, I think we could probably work something out. We worked something out. Currently my finger is vacant. Do you want to make out? Yeah, I could do that. You're not as socubus are.

You have been tricked in the past. No, just the ghost. Okay, yeah, I'm at it. Moonshine and- You're gonna dangle the bait, I'm gonna bite. Moonshine and the first king of the Frost Dwarfs make out. I lock eyes with Boundor staring out from his eyes, kid. Yeah, well, I can't realize it.

What is that, I can't open it. Are we unconscious? Yeah, you're unconscious. Oh, damn it. Boundor sees everything. Boundor, we know Boundor sees everything. Moonshine, you turn to a block of ice. And hard one, you're just by yourself as the rocks and the snow fall around you

in the avalanches. You see a few rocks hit the Beverly and Balnor stones, and you see it looks like they're going to be safe. They're going to be hardy enough to survive this. But it looks like you're probably gonna die. Great, no ancient kings want to make out with me, huh? After a second, the ghost of Gemma Bronzebeard appears.

And she throws her arms around you, like from behind, like a boyfriend hug, and she goes, don't worry, hard one, I'll keep you warm. And you don't feel cold, you don't feel uncomfortable, you don't feel scared, you just feel like you're back and iron deep, cuddling by the fire when Will Humbrod's beard has gone out for the night and you've snuck into her apartment. Does he have a hard one? Oh, I'm raw. She will make a second baby. She pretends not to notice.

But hard one, everything goes black. And you wake up. You're on the snowy plane In one direction There's nothing snow just goes on forever and in the other direction You see the crack in the material plane It puts up a purple barrier of light and on the other side of the barrier you see Gemma wearing all white And her beard looks majestic as always blushes she goes, hard one.

Gemma. She reaches her hand up to the barrier. I put mine there. You can't quite touch her, but your hands are both up against the barrier. And she says, And she says, packed of the gods for Bids Mordyn or any of the other primordials from interacting with living beings directly, but he sent me, so I'm going to look after you. Just like I couldn't look after you. It's okay, hard one. I'm so sorry. There's okay, hard one. I'm so sorry.

There's nothing to apologize for. I'm stronger now. I have more purpose now. There's so much to learn here. Our connection is stronger here. So I don't think we'll get to see each other soon. And I imagine you might be mad at me about this, but I reached out to my sister in a dream, and I told her to turn around.

Why? Because she has to save you. You selfless queen. Well, you see, she kind of blushes. She's like hard one. I mean, now I can just get to be an angel. You see, she's like, angel wings come out behind her dress. God, your beard is so full.

I mean, come out because it lift up her dress so you can see her hiding. No, she your beard is so full. I know. And they come out as a lift-up redress, so you can see you're hiding. No, she's got to fit it for that. Oh, okay. There's a backless dress. I wasn't sure how quick you get that shit sorted out once or when it happened.

I wasn't pulled though. I was pulled though. Yeah, and she goes, my family has a lot of pull here. We were favored by the gods. And there's a lot of room at the top. Now that my dad is, my dad's fully in hell, just to let you know.

He's not here. He didn't come to say anything, but yeah, he was, yeah, I know now. You know everything. Yeah, cool. Sorry that I ever listened to him or anything, but. Yeah, just so, it's weird. He thought I wasn't good enough for you.

I don't think I think he wasn't. She nods and she laughs and she says, Morton's getting a little jealous of Cord because apparently, you know, there's a little bit of a back and forth. But if you decide that you want to be part of Mordans forage in the end, there might be a future for us. You don't have to make a decision now. Oh, great. Yeah, I mean, it's not hard, but why don't I think on it just so it's superficial when I do decide?

You know, if I was mortal, I would call you a fuckboy right now, but I just kind of have infinite knowledge. So I understand where you're going through right now, but I just kind of have infinite knowledge. So I understand where you're going through, and I've endless sympathy for you. Like a huge commitment to ask from someone, spend the afterlife with me. We can have like an open thing if you want. We'll figure it out. Because the pale prince is here, and you know he's hot, so.

Alright, well, okay, that makes my decision super easy. You see Gerard no danger in the background. Man, thanks for killing me. Oh, leave shit, your biceps are rippling. Were you just doing curls? No, actually, I was in kind of an in between world sort of a hell situation, but you've freed me. Super appreciate that.

You look great. Hey man, you look great. He also puts his hand up. He puts his biceps up vice up the bear with you. Yeah, yeah, I tap it. Yeah, you tap it. Gemma goes, okay, that's enough. And she turns to hard one.

She goes, until we meet again, if we don't, it was fun. God, you're cool. She winks and you see her start to walk off. Hard one. You wake up. You are in the real world again. Back in the mortal plane. Everything is dark until a hand bursts through the rocks and pulls you out of the rubble.

You stand atop a mini mountain of fallen rocks with Jaina Bronzebeard. The SS Stormborn hovers above you with a rope ladder hanging down. Moonshine and Beverly, you guys are already up there with Papa and Balnor. You guys got like space blankets on and like, oh, oh. I got soup and one hand cocoa on the other. Yeah, it's double-faced and warm, Beverly.

I want some savory cocoa. Yeah, you see see you guys have a bunch of old friends up here Some of the white nights Maddie Big Crits is up there Little how Maddie the bronze grits the bronze beard cousins that you guys made friends with at the party like Razzden are there Everybody kind of walks over to the ship and waves to hard one down on the ground. And Jaina helps you out, part one, and goes, she told me that I would find you here. She told me that you were going to come looking. Do you think she knows everything that we do? Because that's a little unsettling. My mind goes straight to my cabin with a porch.

I don't think she knows everything. Can I pop out and do a kiss the girl? I'm not sure I'm set up hard one in Jane. I pull her back. Give it a minute. There we go. I got one here point. I'm acting bad.

What's Jane at the beard? Like she doesn't have a beard. I don't know. It keeps it. Did you just make a beard like? She doesn't have a beard. Oh, yeah. She keeps it. Did you just make a slight disgust? I just saved your luck. No, no, no, no. Okay, I just feel like you're having an eternal monologue.

I'm not. It's good to see you. Did you hear I killed a dragon? I did. Yes. My friend killed a dragon. And his sleepard. Jane, I'll hold you in.

Gives you a big hug. I hug her too. It's good to see you. It's a slumber slayer. It's good to see you. It's a slumber slayer. It's good to see you sister. You see me, Mom? What happened? You guys all go back up into the boat.

She explains to you that she was visited by Gemma and a dream and she turned back. All right, to each their own. Well, now that we're all safe and warm up here, do you all want to have a cursed item slash gem destroying party? Yeah, that's probably a good idea, huh? Is there like a, you know, we are at this gash. It is a sort of a folk rum or center or geyser of of a deities power.

Perhaps we could destroy some of these cursed items. Hey, I got something to thwack too. I take off my necklace. Yeah. It's time. It's time. Oh, cannot decorate the boat like a Keen's in the air. It's a smash party baby. The fucking rowdy cusses are so important for this hell fucking

you. Everyone, welcome to the smash bash. Jaina Rassen, I need help with the papi amache. I don't know what that is, but okay. Okay, come over here. I can tell. The whole word slice the two to slow, which is into the fourth.

Can we make the pinyata look like paupal? What? A ppapah. We should make it look like Akarot. Okay, that's key too. Beverly uses a minor illusion to make a pinata look like Akarot and you put your gem necklace inside it. Hard one, what would you like to do? I guess I want to wind up like Babe Ruth, call my shot and thwack the pinata. Hard one, you thwack the pinata.

And there's this explosion of power. You guys all thought like all the kins and ure like decorations get knocked back. You guys all get thrown back like who? Janice is strong, so she like hangs on. Someone grabbed the good gags. Some of the other nights get like thrown up against the wall It is this big explosion

The pinata is completely destroyed Ulfgar fucking emerges and pounds into the ground rocks the whole ship and He looks up at you guys and he goes Let's go kill some chosen. And that's where I'm at. That'll lick, yeah. Get this guy some quick water. Oh my goodness.

Holy shit. What a roller coaster dude. Let's all put on diapers and not take a piss until all the shows in our gone. Yeah. It is the clean up tour. Sweet guys, that was fun. We'll talk more about it over on the short rest, patreon.com.com slash mad pod.

Join us. I really, I felt every single emotion during that episode. That is why D&D is the best game ever. Guys, we'll talk about basketball. We'll talk about this more on the short rest. Fuck basketball. That's the tagline version. We're talking more on your basketball.

D&D will teach you that basketball blows. Fuck soccer, fuck Dota. You guys got, you guys got slightly fucked over by attacking Akarat and crew early. Yeah, but. Because Wilhelm was gonna do the earthquake thing, but you guys have no fucking way of knowing that. But when that first happened, I was like,

shit, drag and just gets a free attack. These guys are all gonna die. I mean, we also though, like, our lucky, we didn't kill Hill Helm because he was, his actions were begging you. That's true. It was a pity I felt that was not rational. Like, I felt like I was going against what a smart fellow

would do by leaving him a lot. So, we should talk about this more in the short rest. All right guys, as we end the show, we have to give a special shout out to our friends Harry and Elise. Oh, Harry reached out to us and let us know that he was proposing to Elise on January 6th, just a few days ago. So congratulations, Harry and Elise. Yeah. Way to go. Hey, let's all roll to see how good their marriage is going to be. Yes, really. Oh, Harry and Elise. Way to go.

Let's all roll to see how good their marriage is gonna be. Yes, great idea. Oh, I love that. I rolled a 15. I got a net 20. Me too. That's insane. I got a net 22.

What did you actually get? A six. A six, okay. You know, I got a 15. A six. Two net 20s is insane. That's wild. That is the God's fucking blessing.

Two people. Two twenties. I believe Polora, um, Molora and Moriden are gonna be fucking jerking off to your conical wedding. Hey, shout out to this two crew. Yeah. Oh, that's sweet. That's so cute.

Marriage is the best two crew. Oh yeah. Unless you, well, but also could be a three crew. Yes. Four crew. Sure. You know, down at the crib, you can get up to 10, the crib, right?

So congratulations, Harry and Elise. That's incredible. Thank you. Way to go. Thank you for listening. Guys, we have a lot of people to thank. So many people sent us presents over the holidays. For sweet of everybody.

We love them. A long list of people to thank. First off, Rob, Sarah, Jeff, Korman and Emmy, and all our friends at Wizards of the Coast for the stickers and the badass canvas prints. Oh my God, that dragon. Oh yeah, dude, we have friends at Wizards of the Coast. Oh yeah, a cooler.

A cooler, a bigger, bigger, bigger, official. We also want to thank Maddie aka Winter Rose the second. Thank you for the D20, the mushroom and the art that is Winter Rose underscore I-I on Instagram. Then our friend Danny sent us a ton of art and a very nice note. We'll definitely be hanging the portraits of Bev, Hardwan, Moonshine, and the Cobb Squad.

Oh, goodness, they're so good. In the studio. Yeah, they're so good. Danny also studio. Yeah, they're so good. Danny also collaborated on a water color with our friend Jackie. You can follow Danny at Danny Doodles 8. That's D-A-N-I Doodles 8 on Twitter. And you can follow Jackie at J-A-C-Q-Q underscore

ATT-A-C-K-K. We also got a very nice note from Danny's twin sister Amanda. You're all very lucky to have each other. You're both so nice. Thank you, Amanda. You follow Amanda at Amanda the Shark. Kaylee Holcomb sent us four kinds of honey and beeswax candles. I guess what that honey went into.

Okay. Already the honey's gone into a pumpkin pie. You're about to eat. Me too. And a ginger simple syrup. Mm-hmm. And then I slathered some on my body. That's true.

And then you used it to attract flies. Exactly. And they tickled you to your delight. And thank you to the client family for the Christmas postcard. You all have a lot of cats and we appreciate that. That's how yeah, always. We stand cats. Thank you to Christina C for the Christmas card,

your dogs and dog sweatshirt are lovely. Thank you to Scott for the Christmas card featuring Santa taking a shit. Oh yeah. Thanks to Dan Collins for making us pewter rings. Whoa, I'm wearing mine right now. Oh, what was mine? Yours is up on the shelf.

Oh, that's it. For the time. For the record, I'm wearing my pewter ring Where in mind right now? Yours is up on the shelf For the record for the record. I'm wearing my pewter ring and I've been wearing it on my forefinger And it makes me look like Russian mafia. It's awesome. Thank you to Scott Anderson who sent us some symbols of melora It's really sick. I just put it on it's fucking And finally thank you to Chris Hesley We're Hesley who sent us a pillow, dice bags, and pajama pants. That they all sewed, I believe.

Yes. Oh, hell yeah. Thank you, Chris. And let's sketch, send a mushroom mug that I've been using non-stop. Yes, it's real cute. It's got a recipe on it. Yeah, a recipe for mushroom soup.

Thank you to everyone. All of your presents and support are so sweet. We super appreciate it. If you want to send us stuff and join this elusive club, it's 1920 Hillhurst Avenue, number 222, Los Feliz, California, 90027. Oh yeah. I love it all.

Tues. And guess we have some projects to plug. Watch hot date on Netflix, me and Emily Sketch show. You can check out our book. It's called Hey You Up, had to turn your booty columns, your emergency contact. Get in on Amazon, but it's also on Audible Netflix, me and Emily Sketch show. You can check out our book. It's called, Hey You Up, Had to Turn Your Booty College, Emergency Contact, No Bull. Get it on Amazon, but it's also on Audible,

and we had an Audible ad. I searched if it was on there, it was on there. It's pretty cool. Oh yeah. And you can also watch us on Dimension 20, on College Tumors Dropout, Streaming Service, another Dendi Play Show. Call it, though, what do you got to play?

If you're listening to this on the day it comes out, January 11th, there is a new episode of Big City Greens. It is a two-part special and it stars our new character which is the kid's mom who is back on the show now. We have a new character and I'm very excited about it. I please watch. Don't. Love Mommy figures. They're underrepresented in.

She's a cool ass mom. And Jake. What do you have to plug? I think this week or next is the last week that we are We're at least seeing new episodes of season two of Lonely and Horny Which is also on dropout So check that out and as always on selling beer to oil at brothers Please do. Without work on my head. You know what, we got a new product. What about eyebrows?

Girls are always trying to get more eyebrows. Yes, it works on all of your hair. It works on your skin too. It's, I will, we'll talk off my, but it's great. I don't, I don't like it, it's for shit. Okay. Y'all, put it on your eyebrows maybe. Give that out.

I, your eyebrows and not to be too uncouth, but it's great for your peeps. Oh, God. Silky smooth peeps. Better than honey. Well, it doesn't taste as good, but it makes it feel better. Less flies and scarabs. Great, guys.

Follow us on Twitter at CHMurf is me. AdColdie is called the whole adixtro dezemily. AdJCurve which is Jake and Tweet about the show using hashtag nadpod. That's any DDPOD. We are, we are. The youth of the nation. the nation, we are the youth of the nation. Welcome back, Ulfkar. Hello, we would like to thank our benevolent counsel of elders, starting with Brad D, the only pebble pot that isn't

Craven, once had to cancel a family reunion at the park because Denny was afraid of the squirrels. Of course, J. Lomus, 72, aka Steelbreaker, hard ones gym inspiration, and the Pale Prince's gym inspiration. Gerard is just up there in heaven looking down at J. Lomus' massive shoulders and giving an approving nod. Yeah dude, the Pale Prince was vascular as hell. They are in heaven looking down at J. Lomis' massive shoulders and giving an approving nod. Yeah, dude. Pelprinth was vascular as hell.

Dylan B, a sword-wielding wizard who accidentally invented blade-singing, once did a duet with Jens Lindell at his monthly bird-less show. Now that's hot. Danny P. Bahumi is resident artist, painted hard-won senior portrait at the Dwarf inage, also painted a rendition of Beverly killing the dragon, which Hard One has threatened to destroy. Yeah, because I killed the dragon. I killed the dragon. Tom P, father of the realm and serenader of Sleeping Babies, Tom is currently on the SS Storm

Born and provided the space blankets and cocoa for the band of boobs upon their rescue. How sweet! Thank you as well! To Spencer Caskbrew, patron elder of libations, ale maker to gods and heroes of Bahumia alike, nailed Gemma's very specific and complicated drink order in the afterlife right on the first try. Now, that's heaven, baby. Griffin, SD, aka the stranger, the silver dragonborn Eldritch Knight, ex-owner of the Badgers

Point in and Tavern and current owner of the Silver Hypothesis Gym. Unfortunately, the gym was located at the base of Mount Forge and was likely destroyed, but we're really hoping 2019 turns around for Griffin, SD. Also thank you to Beard Mandan, the longest beard in all of Bohumia. Beard Mandan's beard is so long that he actually scooped Tomah with it and saved her an Oscar from the peak when half the mountain fell down. Now that's noble, as fuck. Thank you, Scott D, the crack goblin. No, not a goblin that does crack cocaine, but a goblin that guards the area near the crack in the material plain. AKA, the gash.

A gash goblin. Scott is working on getting the name changed. Yeah, there, none of them are actually great, I see. Aaron, see the homeless man that was used by the band of boobs to distract the chosen back in Galatoron. Aaron felt so inspired by his own performance that he decided to take up acting and currently performs uncomfortably religious plays for the chosen in Galatoran. We're gonna free you from that, we are, we promise. Hennanmeh's W, the Bat King, wields the Bat King's King's hammer, which is protected by Bat Ghost.

They won't fight for you, but they will shit everywhere and ain't that just as dangerous if not more so. RJW, a little carrot person who lives in the Feywild and is frequently hunted for their vitamin A. Aww. Spartus, a gladiator who once gave Russ such a devastating wedgie that he forgot how to read. Oh my god, Russ was bullied himself. I don't feel bad.

Adam R, the R-rated assassin. Adam R is a professional wrestler in Iron Deep who once tossed his sweaty singlet to a young hard one, surefoot, inspiring him to one day become ripped. Awesome. Cassandra. MHP, aka Cassandra Max HP, Cassandra has so much HP that she stood under the collapsing mount forge and just held her tongue out like she was catching snowflakes.

She caught a lot of shards of rocks and it didn't even hurt her. Danielle, the dastardly damn Danielle is so dastardly that she dug up Russ's corpse and told him one more time that his dad doesn't like him. That's what's up. Thank you Danielle. That was dastardly as hell. C. A.K.A. Haldor Frostback MVP of the Giant Wars, Crude on SS Stormborm, and Fod alongside Elias and Red, Haldor hit a secret compartment somewhere on the ship that is full of where there's originals, will the band of boobs ever find it. I think... I think Hardwon found it, emptied it out, and now has his amateur oil painting porn in there. Many the mundane, accidental deity who got in the way of a liches spell to reach divinity sure oil painting porn in there. and hopes to steal all of his many faces, good luck to Daniel on not becoming a Hellmanian. I think you got it in you kid.

Jordan DJ, legendary DJ of the realm, fun fact. It was actually Jordan dropping a super nasty beat that destroyed Mount Forge and not Wilhelm's earthquake spell. Yeah dude, you got to wait for that beat and that mountain to drop. Jeffrey S, Lord of the Ford, born of the sword and wearer of Cords. Jeff regularly worships Cords in Cords.

It is fitting, and so are his pants. Cutter W. A high-elf, dandy-turned-quick, architect. Cutter was recently sued for designing a stump school with no emergency exit, but Papa represented him in court, and he got off. Scott free. Hooray! Lex sketch. Lex's most recent masterpiece is a pencil drawing

of Rust Bronzebeard's escape from the mortal plane by smashing his head and face against the side of a mountain. I'd like to buy that piece. John S. aka Shubbert the Mushroom. Officially, Shubbert is tired of being Bohumi's cutest mushroom. Shubbert is now hitting the gym hard and is already looking like he could become the realms' most jacked fungus.

Look out, moonshine. Ryan M, aka hard one's ram, who actually after the band of boobs snuck away, Ryan went into the cave and killed Yanoba. That's right, Ryan's invincible, the Rams gonna live forever. Elena C. An Ork Bard who is super into slam poetry. Elena C. Regularly brings down the house in taverns and inns with their rhythmic storytelling. Elena's biggest hit is the Ballet of Maddie Big Crits. I'd love to hear that one.

Andrew M. Beverly's personal trainer that his parents got him from middle school graduation present. Andrew M. Beverly's personal trainer that his parents got him from middle school graduation present, Andrew M. spent the better part of two years helping Bev develop a rigorous routine to flatten his ass. Michael Mick D. Head mixologist at the Blue Monot Inn, trying their hand at the famed Scorpion from Smuggler's Bounty, and it is a huge success, even though at least a dozen patrons of the bar have been hospitalized from stings. Any publicity is good publicity, baby. Victor T. Balnor's boy, whose loving dad was ripped from his family and transported to another world.

Victor T. cries himself to sleep every night. He has not slept this poorly since the Bosnia crisis. Henry A. A thin-legged coal coalballed with a jacked upper body, who is Josh's workout partner, they were a great team, and together, they had one perfect body between them. Justin I, a warrior who wields four crossbows. Justin I, isn't a great shot with the two crossbowl bows he wields with his feet,

but it's still pretty impressive nonetheless. Clayton M, a claymation, Dalmatian. When Clayton is happy, they will wag their tail and give you a puppy kiss. Now that's a sensation. The Poe-Fessional. The only lawyer to successfully beat POP-POP in litigation. POP-POP lost the jury in his closing argument when he said, rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Rereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereereere catch-em-player from the Dwarf and Hitch who holds the record for scooping the most Dwarfens. That record? 9. Gone Off has Gone Off Broadway and off book. They started a play and just totally did their own thing during a soliloquy. No one was sure where it was going, but by the time Gone Off finished the entire theater was in. Tears. McPucks, the co-master who created our amazing website, Nadpod.com. McPucks crits on every bug and re-rolls his ones and zeroes.

Earl and Kathleen L, a pair of bonded to Baxi, they sleep next to each other on a sofa and clean each other. It's just so gosh dang adorable. Dylan M, talented executioner who kills people with his broadsword, clenched firmly between their butt cheeks. Beverly has looked on in awe at one of these executions, not because the feet of athleticism or because of the macabre nature of an execution, but Bev just really admires the plump rump.

Jive G, a powerful bard who plays music by eating a fiddle, then farting. That is it. They just eat a fiddle and fart, and angelic music comes out of jibes ass. Awesome. Crazy. What? Corbin A. Once we all did the King's hammer, but mostly activated it's once a day spirit

guardians to use the carpool lane. Very smart, very effective. Atlus Stormreaper, despite their name,, Atlas has notoriously bad sense of direction. One of the few adventurers that actually has to stock the no direction can trip. Wow. But you're powerful in every other regard. Justrich, the ostrich whose uncracked eggs made it into moonshine, hard one, and Bev's mammoth chili during the infamous Pepstick bender.

Oh, dope, dude. E.L. Drag, aka the Drag or not. An airship pirate who plunders unattended airships and steals their sound system, which, in Bahumia, are exclusively red solo cops. Scrush a bit, little bit, roll it up. Cameron, see a human accountant who after doing it, 23 and me type DNA test, found out that they were one eighth faye.

Since then, they've been experimenting with minor illusions and trickery, but so far has only been able to make a banana look like a plantain and vice versa. How about you make a comma look like a decimal point on my tax return, you know what I'm saying? Ha, PJ Wall, Chero Arcadia's, a tiefling warlock whose tale has a mind of its own. Chara once nailed the stealth roll only to look back and see their tale conspicuously

playing a game of double dutch with their enemies tale and an unknown schoolchild, borderline, illegal. Damual R, ram Daniels, evil, twin. Damual R sold out Ryan to the Noles in exchange for freedom, then use that freedom to stick around and watch the Noles sacrifice Ryan to Yanoba. Yeah, right. That did not happen. Nicholas R took over the hungry trout in and tavern

after Mishka's unfortunate demise, tried to give it a sort of blue monon in makeover, but the local barbarians rioted, which yeah, that makes sense. It's not really a fancy, fancy, pants kind of place. Jennifer V, star of the beloved nomish critter film No More Dbound, Jennifer V is a talking golden retriever, awakened by a druid to light up the silver screen. I gotta see that film. Destin C. Akarot's personal hollow body trainer

literally took the week off when Akarot was using the pale prince's body because dude is so cut, so vascular he didn't even need the training. Don't tell hard one. Well, looks like somebody just did. Devon B. A. K B, aka the Necro-Dancer, awakens and manipulates zombies and skeletons alike to light up the dance floor. Uuh, ah, Michael L, a frost dwarf who is currently roaming the creek with a frost fly in a jar

trying to procreate it with nanoflyes. That's gonna be some fucking crazy sex and some sweet look in little nanofloss Sam H a landlord in Trinaville who has no clue Jenslandell is harboring two to three more roommates than his lease allows It's okay. Nyak sleeps on the roof Kevin noodles a pasta elemental cast things like in snaring strike thorn whip and entangle but with noodles now that is a dude I want to hang with. Christian H. Sergio Salazar Solomon Sakuraiya's to see Sisyawani 7th of his name. Oh my god, a sexy Peruvian snakeboke. With sweet snake patterns on his skin, Sergio oozes sexuality so many asses in this, but has to make sure they don't go out to dinner on first dates as most people are pretty turned off by seeing someone house a live mouse

and swallow it whole. Not too sexy if you ask me. Max L, a level 20 bard who brought skanking to Bohemia. You villain. Unfortunately, Scott Music doesn't exist in Bohumia, so they do it mostly to lutes and boyquires. I wouldn't say, unfortunately, Scott music doesn't exist. You would think that'd be relatively fortunate. Anyway, Traylay, the cray-fei, who slays, but never appropriates, kimonos, moccasins, bindi, you won't catch Traylay in any of these at feccella. Now that

is a woke ass fay. Grace H happened to be snowboarding at Mount Forge when Will Helm caused the avalanche, but they are so good at shredding powder they didn't even notice. Awesome! NAR dude, absolutely friggin' NAR! Air and G has gotten so good at the banish spell they use it to get everywhere now. If they're in bed and they want to make breakfast, they just banish themselves to the kitchen and banish some eggs into a frying pan. Banish, banish, banish, yami, yami.

Eric B goes by the name Eric B because they don't want people to know their last name. Bahumya. That's right, Eric B is the heir of Bahumya, but don't tell anyone they're trying to make it without the help from the family name. Thank you very much. That is very, very arrogant of you, don't you think?

Jory S. Manager of the farm upstate where all the cursed anti-paladin wolves go when they get critted on. Jory makes sure they get all the love they deserve and also gets bitten several hundred times a day. Yauch! Alucard, a blue frost wind mushroom that sprouted from some of Moonshine's wayward spores. Eating one will give you resistance to frostbite, but also make you think your skin is on fire. So yeah, that's a win-win, I would say.

Baby doc, an incredibly skilled 9-month-old surgeon, the only doctor to have ever performed their own C-section. Whoa, dude, what did you do with the umbilical cord? Awesome! Adam H. Pelor's personal trainer Adam Spotsam when he bench presses planets and personally mixes his post-workout strawberry Pelloritas. Kyle, Mick Q runs a dwarven hot spring in Frostwind it is very successful but Kyle does have to close the spring every other week to remove all the beard hair clogging the drain. That's gonna be what happens when you run a dork and hot sprint with spring bud.

Colin G, a freshly hatched white dragon, Colin's eyes and mouth are wide open as they wait for their big strong mama to come home with some freshly killed adventures for breakfast. Oh dear, such bad news. Oh, here we go, though. Another Ryan, hard one's ram, who's on a quest to find their fam. Ryan just made it to the field and is currently helping Apple Scrumper win the Battle of the Bands to save the local teen center. Awesome. Big Buck, a massive frost wind moose who may or may not be the father of Polymorph Moon Shine's caribou baby. They're currently consulting Venerals' genetics screening and crossing their hooves.

Pullin' for ya, dude. Richard F. A delightful Crick Bullywag, who is eaten by a giant swamp snake, Malora took pity on poor Richard and reincarnated him as a frog he-meth who promptly ate the snake that ate him in a previous life. Justice. Richard now spends most of his time hiding from any creature slightly bigger than him to avoid a multi-generational fly swallowing paradox loop. That is actually very, very smart.

Thank you for doing that. Taylor S. aka Trast, the 20th level bard who only casts prismatic spells because he loves putting colors everywhere. Trast makes the Aurora Borealis look like the Snorra Boreeing Alice. He's that good. Wow, that was nice. John W. G. The Hogi Rogue, a dastardly thief who steals only sandwiches. If you're picking in Bohumia, be sure to pack some extra banana peppers because John can't stand them. Troy Mick C. A human servant whose master was cursed for being rude.

Now Troy lives their life as a talking coffee pot who sings songs about beans. I hope that master never learns their lesson because Troy's voice is a treasure. Cannibalistic Cthulhu, Gobbler of Goblins, Quaffer of Halflings and Cheafer of Teaflings. It's if it's edible and sentient, Kathulu has eaten it. Yum yum. Sam L, an Elven Ranger, who specializes in underwater prey. Some people say that Sam is just going fishing and hunting for monsters of the deep, but those people are super rude and shouldn't be listened to.

Jim Jam Flam, a one-man traveling band, who clicks and clams and slams cans. It's like Stomp, but with a lot more elves, because Stomp didn't even have any elves, so even one elf would be a lot more. Dom R, one of Eguine's friends from Galatoron, Dom fights with a super long curvy Gandalf pipe that's also a bow. They fire arrows through smoke rings.

All Dom's victims agree it is 100% the way that they want to go Matt H in Goliath with a passion for making doll furniture ain't that cute all the other Goliaths made fun of him But until Jonathan Tinkle showed up and needed a place to sleep. That's right doll house Goliath furniture is just about Jonathan Tinkle size Josh S deep within a secret lab in Ezri, Josh S, the revived cyborg version of Josh, the cobalt was born, his bionic muscles bulge and his metal tail slams the ground menacingly.

Watch out, hard one. Josh superior is programmed for revenge. Bring it, dude. Absolutely bring it. Blitzbrig, Dmitry, the Kanku King, vengeful ruler of the flightless Legion. If you cross them, Blitzbrig, Demetri, the Kanku King, vengeful ruler of the flightless Legion. If you cross them, Blitzbrig will literally make you eat crow. Well, I miss you, Riva.

Caleb Storm, a valet at Smuggler's Bounty. Caleb accidentally scratched Snot's yacht while they were parking it and Praedy wouldn't find out you are welcome, Caleb. Andrew A. The Banana Wizard. Andrew uses all their spell slots exclusively to produce bananas. Want one of Banana, Banana and Drew's fantastic fruits? Get in fucking line.

That's right. Thank you, everybody. That was a Hate Gum podcast.