Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 5: Dark Ritual (The Moonstone Saga)

Episode Date: March 8, 2018

Can the almost-heroes (aka the "band of boobs") save the Green Teens before they're ritualistically sacrificed? ...Maybe! The party splits up to sneak into the keep and finds a creepy scene. Beverly lets Moonshine call the shots after a series of bad decisions and Hardwon finally climbs something successfully. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a Headgun Podcast. Hey everybody, it's Emily here to talk to you about Adam and Eve. Who wants better sex? And who wants to start having better sex immediately? The best way to level up your sex game is to go to Adamaneeve.com right now. Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item. Plus free shipping, which includes rush shipping. More than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus 100% free shipping

with rush processing on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy, all will be packaged and sent discreetly. So don't wait, Better Sex is just a click away. That's 50% off one item, free shipping with rush processing. Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to Adamineve.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire. Just enter offer code PAPA at checkout.

That's P-A-W-P-A-W at Adamineave.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to the podcast, so be sure to use the code PAPA to get your discount 100% free shipping and get it fast with brush processing. Code P-A-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, Sweeties. Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Welcome back to the realm of Bahumia.

Bahumia. Bahumia. Bahumia is showing us a... I'm showing you no love. No love. I'm your uncle master, Brian Murphy. Here's Jake Harwitz called well, aka hard one short of foot, called well-tanner, aka Beverly Togo, the fifth,

and Emily Axford, aka Moon Shines Island. Actually, a Moon Shines Island, aka Emily Axford. That's what's there, it is. That's the credit. The adventure continues. I'm really a moonshine Sibon AK and Leaxe. That's what there it is. That's the credit. Yeah. The adventure continues. Yeah, so last week, the gang fought some bully wugs at the bully wugs camp. Fade into boobs.

That's what we are. You guys. The end of boobs is fucking cool. Yeah. Band of boobs. You guys are the band of boobs. We are the first of them. We are the first of them.

We are the first of them. We are the first of them. We are the first of them. We are the first of them. We are the first of them. We are the first of them. We are the first of them. We are the. Three boob. Perfect. Well, last week you guys started yourself off in arguably a worse situation than you're in now, maybe. Maybe. I hope, I hope. It seems to be escalating.

So you guys were at the bullywok camp. You were face to face with the bullywoks, but you all rolled super well and were able to run off into the swamp. And then for the rest of the episode. We're gonna be in towers. Yeah. But that's how you guys were able to.

You were all well when we make Craven moves. The moves. You Craven bastards went and hit in the swamp, but we're ambushed by some bully wugs. We're able to kill three of them, and then you took one of them hostage, and questioned him. Are you just going to torture him?

Arguably tortured him. You did kill him. Yep. After he gave you guys the answers that you wanted. But we killed him with a deadly kiss, which is pretty beautiful. Pretty true, in a way. In terms of public executions, I would want to see my criminals go that way. That's how most people would want to go.

So this bully wug told you guys that the bully wugs were going to trade the green teens to the cobalt's for weapons. The next morning you guys stealthed and you saw this trade go down, you followed the cobalt's into their half-sunkin' keep as they dragged the kids into there. But their half-sunkin' keep being a castle that we considered squatting in.

Yes, briefly. Before we knew it was... You guys almost went there at night and tried to sleep there. I'm quite glad. And definitely would have been shot by crossbow bolts as you entered. They did good at night too. Thank God we didn't do something stupid. So, Moonja and Stealthden saw that the cobalt were cutting up banquet tables

and bringing them into the back of the castle. To make solar tables. As she tried to sneak back, the guards spotted her up in the guard towers and started shooting down at them. Because I rolled like goddamn junk. Yeah. She rolled like junk, and she joined a Beverly and Hard One in the woods. I would like a boob. You guys.

I don't like a thing. The band of boobs. Then went around the east side of the castle to case it. They saw that the southeast corner was a little bit more sunken. So Beverly, cleverly. Try it. Cleverly at first.

Cleverly at first. Beverly cleverly. That's like his suddenly sews into the show. That's my favorite young adult author. So Beverly cleverly tried to swim into the keep, but on the way he was attacked by a crocodile, Beverly first tried to cartoon style, put a stick in his mouth so that he couldn't open it.

In his youthful, exuberant, heaches. Yeah, he wanted it in his mouth so he couldn't. So he couldn't buy that. It's definitely something I saw in a punch punch in Judy show as a kid and like really wanted to be located. Oh like some puppeteers in the town square. No, my private puppeteers. It's the funny move now that you think about it because like the last thing you'd want

is for the Crocs mouth to be like exposing the razor sharp teeth. You'd probably want it to be closed. Yeah. Well, no, I desperately want to steal its teeth. So I wanted it open, of course. You got a thing for teeth, man. So basically, you're a sick fox. You know what it is though?

It's because he's got his own braces, so he's like obsessed with other people's nice glasses. I'm in India, yeah, that's right. What's up, I'm Beverly Togel, and I'm a sick fucking a good boy. So Beverly was able to grapple this crocodile. He started wrestling it and decided to pull it up to the surface right under the castle where he thrashed and wrestled this crocodile,

attracting all of the guards who then shot down on him. It was a fascinating decision. Beverly was then able to stab the crocodile and kill the crocodile and then in a brilliant performance, pretended to be eaten by the crocodile so that the guards would leave him alone. He did a great move. It was a great move. I'm a theater kid.

Unfortunately, it was too convincing. It was too convincing. He was good. He got a 19 and I gave hard one and moonshine advantage on their roles, but they still failed their perception checks. They do think Beverly was just eaten by a crocodile and so that is where we join our party. Ranshine has run and dove into the water.

Okay and hard one what are you doing? I'm going around to the other side of the castle. Okay so you're just letting this happen. She's got this. She's got this. That's gonna create a There's there's Beverly needs to be saved But the rest of these green teens are in danger too great. Yeah, okay, so hard one starts to make his way around the outside Beverly meanwhile, what are you doing? Okay, I think before I have been in the gator

I do as I mentioned wedge a tooth out okay to add to my collection got a gator tooth Gator tooth now that Trace teeth, that's trace teeth. Yeah, nice. What is the teeth you have? I have a snake fang, a chipped bullywag tooth, and a... It's so sad to see it in a chipped form, because it doesn't represent their perfect... Yeah, like, their lustrous...

Tom Cruise smiles. That's it. One cent or two. $1 million. So that's bullywag's. Tom Cruise's perfect cent or two every Bollywag, too. I think they have a slight iridescence to them almost. They're like a pearl.

Nice. The moons don't, the moons don't, the moons don't, they actually a Bollywag. So yeah, now I got a crock tooth. I think I probably head towards. So I'll say as you're trying to pull this tooth, Moon Shine is already making her way underwater. So Moon Shine, why don't you go ahead and give a perception check to see if you can find them.

Okay, I would just like to quick say that before I dove in, I took as big a gulp of air as I could because I'm thinking I'm gonna need to administer it to this child. This youth. It's gonna be at 21. Ooh. Okay. Yes. You travel through the murky water. You're able to kind of. I'm at home in the murk. You're at home in the murk. You love the murk. It

doesn't even it doesn't even have here my vision. I was born in the world. I slept in the creek bed. So luckily Beverly's making quite a big commotion under the water trying to wrestle this Gator's tooth out. And I understand that Beverly's okay. Well you just see him struggling. So I think the Gator's, I attack the Gator. Okay, you're gonna have the Gator.

Beverly what do you do? Moonshan just starts like whacking at the gator with his trimmer tar just stabbing it. I'm probably shocked, sure, but I'm not giving up on this tooth. So, tooth is the priority. I guess I probably will. You get the tooth out, you get the tooth out.

Okay, cool. Well, since I do have as previously established excellent acting skills, I can't to mind that I'm okay. Okay, great. And then I grab by the excellent skills for you. Just, it's a hand gesture. It's a hand gesture. We just give her a thumbs up. I give her a thumbs up. I pantomime then I'm okay. Okay. And then I grab by the excellent skills for you just Hand gesture. It is just give her a thumbs up. It doesn't have to be a one-man show the thumbs up convey so much more So I do that I get the tooth I grab her by the hand and lead her towards the nearest like window

That I can see okay real quick then after I see his thumbs up and I realize the gator is dead I do one of those that I close see? Oh, okay, real quick then. After I see his thumbs up and I realize the Gator is dead, I do one of those that I close his eyes respectfully. I see his eyes respectfully. Gators are respected at the creek. You know where I come from, they're like taxi drivers. You hop on a gator to get from one side of the creek to the nest. We call them log fathers.

Yeah, you got to tip tip them in bird eggs. Bring a handful of robins eggs. Close his eyes, you hear a spirit say, thank you. As you sing to the bottom. Oh my Lord, show this gator a beautiful reincarnation. That gator's eating boys in heaven. May come back as a crocodile.

May come back. All right, so you guys are underwater. I'm probably running out of air, so I'm gonna like, no, you can buy some from my mic. The whole, the whole mic just takes a couple of seconds. You can hold, I believe you can hold your breath for the number of minutes equal to like your constitution. Oh wow, okay.

So you guys, you guys can still hold your breath. Okay, so let's kind of like swim over tour. Do you want to swim to the wall? Yeah tour, do you want to swim to the wall? Yeah. Yeah, we want to swim to the wall. Okay, go ahead and do an investigate check to kind of feel along the wall. That's gonna be a 14. Okay, yeah, you got Crick Eyes, I got a three.

So you got a three. Okay, moonshine, as you're feeling around, you see that there is a hole in the wall and you would be able to swim under cool okay I grab Beverly by the wrist like he's some unruly little crit child and I just drag him under cool I submit Beverly directly is pop up what's going on with Papa at this point? Papa's just holding his breath. He's here. If he's running out of breath, I have some of that breath that I had saved for Beverly.

So I can, I can admit. So he's are giving him mouth to mouth. What a world style of kiss. How many two Bollywigs and your possums? Yeah, but this is a good kiss. You're holding your holding moonshine's hand as you swim together under this wall. And moonshine begins giving mouth to mouth. What looks like she's just making out with pop off as she puts her entire mouth over

his face. I think I probably start to barf. But that really just starts barfing, but it's flies. But it's like the same color as the mug. It's just a cloud of brown that that surrounds you. This is a place to do it. Wait, what did you eat last night when we were... Oh, rice biscuits. It's just orange and brown vomit fills the water around you.

Man, you have a bad diet. Even, even mercier than before. Okay, so you guys, you guys swim up and you guys are now in this flooded room. You see that you're in the middle of this long flooded hallway? Yeah. When you turn to your left, you can see the southeast guard tower,

the lower one that the winged cobalts were in. And then down the hall to your right, there is no roof, yeah, but it does go up to the second floor. Can we get to it? You could climb the rocks. So to the left is the guard tower with the winged cobalts. Have they roosted? Can we see?

Yeah, can we do a perception check for roosting cobalts? You can do a perception check. It would probably be tough. Oh, I hear them in the distance. They're like, I got a freaking roost. I did get, just so you know, I did get a 21. Ooh, perception check. I got another three.

Okay, they are not being super stealthy. And you guys know they were shooting at Beverly from the tower. I'm just gonna have roosted. They are up in the tower. Okay, cool. I think maybe I turned to you and say like, we gotta take care of those the towers

So that hard one will be safe. That is a good call like that. Okay, that is in the opposite direction that hard one is going Okay, hard one is going towards the back of the castle, but those little flying Motherfuckers, there's wing and ones. I'd love to take them out. Yeah, although the second we attack them They're just gonna fly away. Oh, well we're gonna have to be well. No, they'll have to roll initiative It'll be a fight. Yeah, we'll have to roll initiative, it'll be a fight. Yeah, we'll have to do our favorite thing, which is stealth. But I think it'd be nice to meet up with hard one. Hmm.

Uh, okay. I've been making a lot of bad decisions lately, so I'm gonna let you take charge. I already had this tooth. Okay, so to the right of us is the, but we'd have to climb to get up there. Yeah, yes, you would need to climb to get up to the second floor. Fuck dude though, you know what, those guys though,

they are surveying the grounds. Yeah. And once we're inside the castle, they're surveying the grounds. They're almost not a non-issue. Yeah, but wait, there's like the castle, the keep is like open air though, they could see us from above, right? The keep is open air, the towers,

they're probably gonna be looking out though. Okay, what you need to worry about climbing up is somebody on the first floor possibly seeing you. If you guys are careful, you can probably peek your heads out and kind of see what you're looking for. Yeah, I mean, we're going full metal gear solid at this point. Yeah, so I think that we're focusing on the castle

and those winged guys are more surrounding area. So let's go to- Yeah, you've penetrated the castle at this point. Okay. We've penetrated the castle and let's just get deeper. So we should head for the second floor. What are we? The utility coming back out.

I don't know if we know. Sorry, I don't know where that came from. Hard one is making his way around back right now. And you guys, if you were to climb up this wall, you would also be heading to the backside of the castle. So we'd be able to meet up with him there. We're doing that. Perhaps.

I don't know. I think we're doing that. Great. We'll do that. Cool. So you guys are going to start to climb? Yeah. You guys start to climb the wall.

Cut, too. Meanwhile, hard one, shorefoot. All on his own. Thick of beard, quad, and calf. Yeah. Scout master. Make it. Scout master.

The twice killed. The twice killed. Snake Ender. Hard one. Scout master, the twice killed. The twice killed. Snake Ender. Hard one, you sneak around. The header of snakes. The back. And much like the front. Much like the front.

Enemy of the Bollywood. There are two guard towers. Okay, all right, around back at the two guard towers. You see two guard towers. And you can see that the second floor is still there on the left side and it is gone on the right side so the wall goes higher on the left side but the guard towers are still intact on both sides on both sides do you want to do a perception check see if you see any cobalt in the so he would still if he wanted to get to the second floor

he still like climb up a tower right he could yeah he'd have to climb I mean I've heard him say before he's great at climbing. I was born in the mountain. I've heard him say this, it's true. He does talk a lot. With the dwarven rams. He does love making claims. That's a 16.

16, pretty good. Yeah, great. You are able to see in the guard tower to your left, you see some movement up there. You see that there are a couple cobalts up there. And to your right on the other side, you see a couple cobalts up there too. Great. Cobalts all around. Cobalt to the left. Cobalt to the right. Everybody, no, we're gonna keep it surrounded into a fight. Water in a bit of a clearing. So right now, you're in the trees. You can kind of do what they did and swim under

if you would like. It's up to you. You know that these guys have sunlight sensitivity. It's kind of tough for them to see. But if you splash around or roll like a two, you will be seen. Yeah, I got it. I guess I'm going to try to go in.

Great. So are you going to try to climb or what do you try to do? Yeah, you know what? I'm not a swimmer. I'm a huge thing. Probably not. Are you gonna try to climb in over into the first floor? Are you gonna try to climb the guard towers? Are you gonna try to go to the second floor? I'm gonna try to climb into the first floor. Yeah, okay. I thought at least resistance. I'm just trying to get it in. So you're going to the right. You don't have to be hero, you know?

So you jump into the water. I'm gonna give you So you jump into the water. I'm gonna give you roll a stealth roll, but you have, unless you're like splashing around a ton, you're gonna be fine. That's an 11. Cool. You splash around a little bit. You splash around a little bit, but.

You just enough to have fun. Yeah. I'm sort of turning this into a half bath. These guys, if you're not seeing a lot, hard one to poison that ball. Hard one takes a big breath, goes underwater. You swim until you meet the stone wall of the castle.

Ah, stone wall, the ancient golem. So you are now up against the castle wall. You have a guard tower to your right that you're like right next to because that's where the first floor wall is. And then the guard tower to your left is further away and that's where the first floor wall is and then the guard tower to your left is further away and that's where the second floor is. Is he closer to the kitchen or like the media room? He is closer to the Rumpus room. Okay cool. The Rumpus room. What the heck is a Rumpus room? I asked where he keeps like your board games. Can I just try to climb the wall that I'm close to

without trying to climb one of the towers? Yes, here's what I'll let you do. Make an athletics check, and if you succeed wildly, I'll say that you climb so smoothly that that counts as your stealth check. But if you don't get a good climb check, I'm gonna make you roll a stealth check. Okay, so I think I understand. You should fucking succeed. I wanna see that smooth.

I don't think that's a D20. It's not. Yeah, definitely roll a D20. I swear, I think I've been rolling that's a D20. It's not. Definitely roll a D20. I swear, I think I've been rolling about the whole day. The last few weeks. Dang, keep getting 12s. That's a 20.

Oh, okay. That's a 20. So you Catherine Zeta Jones style. Yeah, baby. It's very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, Your back is so arched. Your back is so arched. Your back is so arched. You're able to climb up the rock wall.

This is what I've been fucking waiting for, man. This is what I was thinking. Look at this. From fucking, from beta to Zeta, there you go. I'm sorry. Just like that. You get up and you peek over this wall. You can see to the left of you,

there's a chapel, like you're basically, I level with the second floor now over this wall. Yes, get quick. So you see to the left of you, there's a chapel. You see that there's in, on the two. Do we know who it's a chapel to? Would hardwifed. I'll tell you whether you know it or not.

You see an altar in the center of the room and you can't really see along the wall so you can't see what's back there but you do see that cobalts are setting up tables near the altar. Oh Lord. You see they're setting up a couple tables near the altar. I also see that there.

This is the sacrifice they were talking about. The bullet, okay. You also see that they're building a pyre. Are they putting a altar? Oh, okay. Oh, you also see that they're building a pyre. Are they putting a... Oh, that's what they're talking about. Oh, that's what they're talking about. This all looks fine. Are they putting a seat?

You see below you? Yeah. It looks to be the cobalt's like sleeping area. You see pelts everywhere. You see some barrels along the walls and stuff. And you also see a ladder going up to this room on the second floor. You can see that there are cobalts working together to carry things up the ladder as they

prepare. You see the leader robed dude is kind of yelling at guys in cobalt. Are they singing a little cobalt songs? Yeah, they're saying. They're singing cobalt, cobalt. We they singing a little cobalt songs? Yeah, they're saying. They're singing cobalt, cobalt. We're gonna sacrifice some kids. Yeah, that's it. Moonshine has not seen this yet, but Moonshine was feeling sympathetic towards the Bollywarks

and in fact would consider dealing arms to them in the future. But cobalt's written off. Moonshine's ready to just murder. They're gonna get it. But not that she's seen this yet. Right. So we're gonna leave hard one, shorefoot hanging off the side of the castle. Take that ball in. Peeking over.

You see so much activity. Great. And I don't see Beverly and Moonshine. No, I see Beverly and Moonshine. Because Beverly and Moonshine are on the other side of this chapel, they are trying to climb the wall to get onto the second floor. Oh, we do see the chapel though.

You guys don't see it, yeah, okay, cool. We haven't climbed this one. You guys are on the first floor. I got climbing the wall. Okay, so yeah, I would like to climb the wall. Athletics check? Yep, everybody give me an athletics check. I'll do the same thing as I did for a hard one,

which is if you guys succeed wildly, you won't let do a stealth. Does a, um, oh Emily look. Does a five count? That's exceeding wildly. I got a seven, but we did both roll twos. I got a five. Five and a seven.

Jesus. Uh huh. You guys start to climb up and it's so easy. You see to you're gonna give you a little sample. Go ahead. Yeah. You guys are groaning, you're real tired. This has been a tough day.

We only had half a night's sleep. Yeah. So you guys are climbing up. You start to slip and you make some noise, some rocks break off the wall and you see to your left, moonshine, this is the main room that you were some noise, some rocks break off the wall, and you see to your left, moonshine, this is the main room that you were in before, this mess hall that the cobalt are carrying tables through. You guys can also see this sleeping area

as you're making your way up to the chapel. Uh-oh. You guys are gonna give me stealth checks, and I'm gonna get to perception checks. So let's sleep in lizard's lie. Holy, I'm getting bad rolls. I got a seven. Stealth check, you said? Yes. I got a seven. Stealth check, you said?

Yes. I got a 15. OK. These guys roll the disadvantage because they have sunlight sensitivity and they rolled A1. Are they? Are they?

They don't. Yes, little bitches. I'm glad we came for you not the Bollywog. I love the Bollywogs. I'm going to deal them on. So as you got to respect the Bollywogs, they respect the Bollyw bully log a rich history of family Family tradition beautiful smiles. Yeah, you did see them. They did have that crick-pully wug on a leash though. Oh

Fuck I forgot about it. Yeah, it's true and they did kidnap the kids Maybe that's great at them crossbows. Maybe that. Maybe that Crick Bollywag was a criminal. I was being taken to execution. I mean, they get into trouble, though. Yeah. Where I'm from. OK.

So the ones that we almost awoke, yes. They're below us, but where are they below us? You guys are basically, think of it as being divided into four parts. Yeah. OK. So in the bottom left corner is this mess hall as being divided into four parts. Yeah. Okay. So in the bottom left corner is this mess hall where they were breaking the tables.

Yes. In the bottom right corner is the flooded room that you guys were just in. Gotcha. You guys are climbing up to the second floor in the back right. That's where this chapel is, that hard one saw. And then in the back left is this sleeping area where these guys have a ladder up to the second floor and are carrying stuff up. So you guys make it to the top.

Yeah, we make it to the top. Yeah, we keep climbing. You guys are lucky, self-draw. Heak over. Hard one. Go ahead and do a perception check. See if you see those guys. And you guys give me perception checks as well.

11. 11. 19. 19. I got a 15. Munchine. I do a faint nose whistle. Would you recognize as my call for pop off?

It's so high pitch, so faint. Are you, are you really doing a nose whistle right now? It's so, it's so. Nope, you got to do a performance check if you're going to do a nose whistle right now. Okay, I'm not going to do it. It feels cowardly to back away from a move. I'm using the challenge, but you got to think

of the green teens, okay? I know, I know. Moonshan sees hard one, but hard one is hard at work. Just looking around at everything. Okay. So you guys, fire it. I admire his climbing. I'm like, oh, that's the good climb and he's been talking about.

Look at those delts, thank you guys. I didn't get to show you in the swamp. That's great. Yeah, it's that weird thing where a couple of you can see your friend. He's at a coffee shop or something But he doesn't know you're there. Yeah, that started the situation It's hard one like only time hard when succeeds is when no like you when people are watching him He tries really way too hard. Yeah, it's hard one like pick his nose or anything

Somehow somehow even though he's climbing. He's only peeking over you see him pick his ass So he's dangling with one arm, which is cool, but with this like he's picking hising over, you see him pick his ass. So he's dangling with one arm, which is cool, but with this leg, he's picking his ass. Yeah. And you see him eating boogers. Oh, Lord, I'm afraid I'm a lorah for him. OK. So you guys can now see into this chapel.

You see that there's an altar in the center of the room. You see a banner that has been put to the table. It says welcome to the sacrifice. Are they putting out crispy cream donuts on the tables? There is could just be like an after-church service. It has clearly been catered by Tim Horton Moonshan's stomach rumbles. Oh bad time in but these cobalt are Canadian Words kind of cobalt so you, you guys see these banners with dragon hyroglyphics?

Strong on them it looks like maybe they were to a different God. You guys can do a history check if you want to see if you can kind of determine who it is. I got a 13. Okay. You got a 3. I got a 3. The 3 triangles in a tight formation. This was at one point a shrine to Osmodeus, who is the devil.

Okay, but since I rolled a three, what do I think it is? You think it is the Illuminati? You think all of the U.S. presidents are down there? It makes so much sense. Emily thinks it is the dark Lord Tim Horton himself. Tim Horton's behind it. I knew that's why I never drank his dark mud. The skirt jumper, who am I? She calls coffee dark mud. I only drink crick water. And I know that you guys have been in crick water.

Besides this, it's like three red bowls worth. Besides this banner. It's a four-load girl. It's also seen that there's a big stained glass window. Orgis, beautiful. It's like amazing that it is still preserved, but it's perfect. And you see an image of a dark sorcerer

glowing with black and purple. Oh, fuck yeah. You see the wall. We need to, I'm already drafting a petition to have this historically preserved. There is no wall to the left at all that it just goes down to the first floor because you see these cobalt's coming up the ladder. You see in the back right corner

is this other guards tower. And you see about 10 cobalt's in this room reading it. You see the altar, you see a pyre, you see three tables being set up, three small tables. Now, I have 10 cobalt in there. Now, as modius was the sorcerer that- The devil god that was killed. That was killed by theala and the others.

Yep. Okay, I'm a big fan of theala, because they were a cleric of pellor. So, like, I probably got a tapestry of them up in my bedroom, for sure. You definitely have a poster of them. And who is the dwarf? Ulfgar. Ulfgar, yeah.

A big Ulfgar, yeah. He could be, well, I mean, he wouldn't be your dad, but you wish that he was your dad. Yeah, I don't know my father, right? Maybe he is? Okay, um. The shirt of the mountain, it could have been him. He doesn't dwarf blood in me after all. I have a pretty good idea.

You are only three feet tall, which is not dear to you. Which is not far from you. I have a pretty good idea about like what maybe the sacrifice is intended to do. Okay. We can't let it happen. I know that.

Yeah, I think that we got a kind of plan. What our attack is here. Yeah, I've hired one. Give me another perception check to see if you see those guys yet. You got it. Uh-huh. That's a 17.

Woo! You clock them across the. Uh-huh. So you guys can't communicate. I throw him a thumbs up, but awkwardly, like I've never done it before. I just learned it from Beverly. I do the biggest wave.

The point to my eyes and then to them, but it's the same hand that was picking my ass. Uh-huh. Oh no, you got to clean that thing before you do it. We definitely have four guys. I'm running through all the time. I'm really nervous to die. Wait, no shit, make him do that.

Roll first die. I feel like I'm going to turn to moonshine and be like, what do we do? Should we attack? Should we try meet up? I think we should attack. Okay, I have a plan. I have a plan. I'll say that again, there. So I'm going to-

Me to me. I say that we knock out the ladder. I'm gonna put one of their mouths open with this here, broken spear. Yeah. Let's knock out the ladder so more can't climb up. That's a great call. That broken spear. Yeah. Hahaha. Let's knock out the ladder so more can't climb up. That's the great call.

That's the extent of my plan. That's a great call to it. I can't do it right now. Okay, I'm gonna do it. Chop them the tower. Before I- I have a like to do something while he does that. Okay, cool.

Before I do anything, can I get a look inside these teeth? What got a teeth decobolds got? They've got little, very curious. Little sharp teeth. Okay, a little sharp teeth That's sharpies. That's doing very little for me. Yeah All right, I'm gonna kick down a lot of them. Okay, so then you are gonna need to climb up onto the second floor And you're gonna need to give me a stealth roll. Okay, so I'm gonna still try gonna you guys are gonna lose your surprise around if you get caught Okay, everyone's just gonna have to roll initiative. Yeah, I think we stealthers long wait. Oh, no, I don't have stealth advantage right now

That's okay. Yeah, we're no longer in a bog. Yeah, here we go. for as long as we can. Do you want, wait, oh no, I don't have stealth advantage right now. That's okay. Yeah, we're no longer in a bog. Yeah. Here we go, I'm gonna roll. Okay. That's like the fourth three I've gotten. Insane. Yeah, that's a way to die.

But with plus, with my plus two stealth, got it. Okay, still bad. So Beverly starts to crawl across the Florida get there and he is stepped on by a coal bald who then calls out to the rest of his buddies. Everybody roll initiative. Okay. Sorry. Ooh, baby, I'm looking at a 21.

13. Had a 22 and it took me that long to do the math. Ooh, 22. Okay, we're starting off with good initiative. I know that I wrote bad stealth, but I don't think that I would like get stepped on. I just said that for, would you rather it,

you make a tiny sound. The cobalt are alerted and they attack you. No, it was funnier before, you're right here. Sorry. All right, here. I'm sorry. All right, Mr. Stick a stick in a fucking alligator's mouth. So a hard one. You are on the opposite side of this room hanging over the wall. Nobody has seen you yet.

Cool. But it is your turn. You get to act first. You see, in this room below you on the first floor, there are about five or six guys. There's a guy on the ladder and then up in this chapel area there are 10 cobalt. It's one sorcerer. Cool. Can I kick the ladder below me so the volleyball is below me?

So yeah, so you would climb up and then you could kick it off and that would be your action. Great. I'm going to try to eliminate or keep as many people away from getting on. So get up there and then roll me a strength check just to push the ladder over. That's an 18. Do I do a plus plus my strength? Yeah. Which is of course.

That was a no-sister. You're fine, you're just pushing the fucking ladder. So you come up, you see that the ladder is tied to the wall. You like push it off that way, hurt if you need to? Kick it over as the cobalt is. It is the other side of a castle. All I needed. You like push it away, heart, if you need to. Pick it over as the cobalt. It is the other side of a castle. All you needed to do was push it.

That is moonshine. OK, I would like to, so this pire that they're building, that's on the second floor, right? You guys are all in this chapel, yeah. Let's go. Don't worry about floors now. You're all on the chapel. But are there cobalt's gathered around the pyre?

Yes. So I would like to do thunder wave. Okay. And if I, I would like to hopefully put, because I push them 10 feet away from me, I'd like to push them into the pyre. The pyre is not burning yet. I know, but I'd like them to,

I'd like to push people into the pyre so it scatters the pyre. So you would be doing a thunder wave up by the altar and the pie, you see the sorcerer and three of the cobalts are up there working on it, so you can hit those four with the thunder wave if you'd like to try that. That's what I'm gonna do.

And there are two guys at each table, so 10 total. So they have to do a constitution saving throw. And they gotta beat my 13. They got a nine, so they failed. The sorcerer passed. OK, but some of them got hurt. Sure. Yeah.

Wait, sure? Yes, they did. OK. I need some, you know, definitiveness. OK, so it is a 2D8. 2D8, OK. Mariff, how do we know what the sorcerer is He's the only one in close. He's wearing a robe. Oh, okay, so it is the leader as well. Yeah, all right cool Okay, so they take seven damage and get pushed ten feet and scatter the pyre you fucking toast

Three of those cobalt's Why are we so worried? But this the sorcerer only takes half he is very much still Oh, there is a fucking kill. Why are we so worried? But this sorcerer only takes half. He is very much still alive. Ah, okay. Okay, so we should target him. You guys did kill three of them.

Then that is going to be the sorcerer. Master of the Star. The sorcerer is going to cast scorching ray. You see him. Sounds weak, cowardly. So see him shoot a beam of white hot flame. Just fight me with your hands. As moonshine.

Coward. No, you know what? At Paw Paw. Just kidding, just kidding. I'm just kidding. I was about to like, I know you were about to walk off. I was about to drop the mic and just like drop the ball.

And just, just dive over the table and tackle me. It's on a stand. Oh, I have to wrestle it out of the stand. You have to unplug it and slam it. It would take you a full minute to drop the mic. It'd be a very thorough protest. Considering how my eyes would be bleary with tears, it would take me even longer.

Emily would act actually interested in me. He actually gets to shoot three rays of fire So he is gonna shoot all three at Moonchen or you know what he'll he'll take it one by one good I might drop Okay, so do these automatically hit me no plus four to hits and he does hit he gets a 17 on the So the first for the first, you are going to take five damage. He shoots a second beam. Add disadvantage because they haven't surrounded you guys yet.

Oh, two and a three, he's gonna miss that one. And the third one. Be a dude. He is going to, nope, that's only a nine. Okay. So he misses the last one. Thank Moora! So that is Beverly.

This episode of NADPOT has brought to you by Bird Dogs. They're a company that makes pants and shorts, so no matter where you fall and the age old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered. Now, we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's gonna be difficult!

Luckily Bird Dogs has made the decision of which pants and shorts to buy a little easier. Bird Dogs stretchy khakis are designed to fit slimmer through the thigh and leg to give you a truly sculpted look. And instead of making their clothes out of restricting cotton, Bird Dogs invented a cloud knit fabric that looks just like khaki, but stretches so you get a way slimmer fit without having to sacrifice movement. And trust me, you are going to need all the movement you can get when you and your brothers and legs are out there on the battlefield kicking the shit out of your rivals. So when the lower body battle begins and brother is forced to kick brother, make sure you

are wearing bird dogs. To get yours and a free Yeti-style tumbler, go to birddogs.com slash pop-off or enter promo code pop-off at checkout. That's birddogs.com slash pop-off or promo code pop-off for a free Yeti-style tumbler. You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay, that's it for me, Go team pants and enjoy the show. Who have you or near moonshine? You are closer to the six guys that are at the tables. Okay, all six of them. All six of them. This would be a much more fun encounter if any

of us had any spells. So I guess I'm just going to, uh, you got spells because you got your elf sleep, but I got nothing. So I guess I'm just gonna I've spelled you got spells because you got your Elf sleep, but I got nothing so I'm just gonna go slash I guess great cool slash You're a powerful good boy. Yeah Get their teeth get their teeth get those teeth your teeth are mine ice cream That's a 12 that does hit nice great. Well, you damage. All right cool. I'm so glad we came after the cobalt and not the Bolly logs. They're stronger. And they were kind.

That's a 10. They weren't kind. They were family-fold. They were kind of each other. They respect their elders. They're elders. They were romantic. They were romantic.

I got a 10. You cut them out. They're high-g. Cool. Nice. OK. That is going to be the cobalt. romantic. I got a 10 you cut him more than they're high G cool nice okay that is going to be the coal balls so two of these guys are gonna surround Bev and three of them are gonna go after moonshine yeah first the guys will go after Beverly this first guy takes a swing and he's gonna miss.

He misses big time. Second guy comes up, he takes a swing and he hits. It's fine, don't care. He is going to hit for six damage. Six damage. I can take it. These other three guys are gonna surround. Moonshine.

First guy is going to hit. That's gonna be the end of Moonshine. That's two damage to Moon Shines. Okay, she still stand. The other guy swings. Wait, did you have a potion? He's going to miss. Third guy takes a swing and he crits.

But they don't hit for that much damage, but let's see what happens. Well, I have three hit points, though. Does seven damage to you? Uh-oh. Bye, bitches. Moon Shines goes down. Papa nudges your corpse.

Yeah, I wish I could have as a leaking of face. You have been with that question. Can Papa open the potion? Open the potion in my pocket and pour it into my mouth? You should say no, the answer is dead now. It has not come with that yet. If you guys are knocked out one time, Papa's really, if you guys get a total party kill

and you're all knocked out, I will roll for Paw Paw. I'm a Ron Telepon. I'll do charades. He can do this. I know. Some saying. Backer and a hard one. So hard one. You've got five cobalt's left, regular old cobalt's,

and then the one sorcerer. Cool. I can't tell if I should throw my throwing axes at the little one surrounding you, or if I should go for the sorcerer, dude. You are on on their level so you don't need to throw axes. If you don't need to throw axes. No you're on their great. I'm gonna do great axe at the sorcerer. Okay. Yeah. And that is a 11. 11 to hit that does not hit. I believe you. Oh can I but oh wait did I rest long enough to do

Yeah, you got a short rest you got it you can do an action search if you want to swing again. Let's go for it again cool Fuck me and that's 12 that does not hit he moves out of the way god damn it That is going to be moonshine moonshine go ahead and roll me a death saving throw D 20 my Go ahead and roll me a death saving throw. D20, my picture. That's what's up. That is two successes. You see a spiritual version of Papa comes to you. Papa is giving you mouth to mouth right now.

Papa in your dreams sounds like sorcerer. It's just clawing at my chest. The sorcerer so that he does not get disadvantage is actually going to shoot at Beverly instead moonshine It's me pop off you must wake up moonshine that's a deep voice All right, he's gonna shoot at you Beverly bring it to 20 to hit that does hit

Okay, you did don't bring it so much for damage on the first game Okay, you did don't bring it so much for damage on the first game He's gonna hit again. That's a 23 to hit that's Another seven damage. Oh, are you are you still wait is that seven plus four? Yes 11. Oh, I'm down Bev goes down. Okay, he's gonna be a disadvantage, but he's gonna shoot his last one at hard one He misses. This is hard one. Hard one does a really cool barrel on the way. So, these kicks the ladder again. So, that's for fun.

Hard one. Your two allies are down. You're in the middle of this dark chapel. So hard one, there are five left. Five regular guys and the sorcerer. And it is going to be the cobalt's turn. Cool. What do you add HP-wise?

You still have your second win, right? I think I still have my second win. Yeah, you do. Because you get it after a short rest. HP-wise, I don't think I've been hit. Great. I'm 19. You very well might survive.

You guys. What have mine been? What's the big one? You might not get it. Total party kill. OK. These cobal. Okay, okay. So these cobalt's, these five run up to you, surround you. First guy takes a swing.

And he misses. And he, I'm so sorry, but he hits. Okay, all right, all right. But he hits for a very little. He hits for two. Okay. Second guy takes a swing. And he fucking hits.

He just rolled the goddamn 17. And he hits for five. This has been really fun y'all Fun little treat me missus the third guy misses. All right fourth guy misses. Hey, hey guy There's five 18 ahead that definitely hits. That's another four damage. Got it. So that's nine total It's nine total really wouldn't he used all my brings me down to 10. Okay, so that brings us back around to hard one. All right, so there's just Hard one guys. Okay. I would say help I've really up because I've got two These guys are all gonna get opportunity attacks on you. Okay. Hmm. Try to get away

But they don't they don't hit for much. So you'll well probably so maybe stay where you are and keep fighting them Because if you could take one out, and then that's one less person hitting you. And if I can get back to life, or me or Beverly can get back to life. Shitty also, maybe like if he takes out the leader, is there a chance that they will all succumb? Perhaps.

Or they'll all, you know, turn tail and flee. So a hard one, here are your choices, basically. Yeah. You can swing at one of these guys, either the sorcer or one of the cobalts that are surrounding you or You can run over to moonshine or Beverly and feed them your potion. God. Well, he gave me his potion My potion is on Beverly's person. No, I used it. I have a potion on my personal Okay, so you could go run to moonshine, but these guys will get a chance to try to hit you as you run away. The sorcerer will not be able to cast a spell, and opportunity attack is just a swing.

Got it. Hmm. I think you know these guys don't hit for a lot, but you know, five of my only I've 10 moonshine. That's true. Two more chances. You can also, you can do second wind and then do it. Yeah. I'll do second wind and rescue.

That's it. Okay, second wind. Go ahead and roll your d10. That's the biscuit. That's the butter biscuit. That's the big butter biscuit right there. Big ol' square butter on a biscuit. Chomp into that successful strategy. But you guys were doing that for a bit

because I didn't know which one the D10 was. This guy was starting to run. That's an eight. Ooh. So 10. Spud your fight on the level. Hell yeah. Great. 10. So you're back up to 20. Ooh! So 10. So 10. It's supposed to be a level.

Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Great. 10. So you're back up to 20. Good shit. Cool. So now are you going to do this?

How does this happen in fiction? Do you just go like, like, pencil? Yeah. Yeah. What does second-win look like? Uh-huh. He just gets real amped. Does he just like do push ups?

He chugs a monster energy drink. Does he just like do push ups? Like the like, angsty teenage son that like gets beat by his dad? I think he likes to beat him up. Yeah, he just punches a wall like Billy and Stranger thing. Yeah. He thinks about all of the abuse that he sustained at the door of an edge. He finds just kidding. They were very nice to you. They were very nice to you.

He finds the nearest locker. As nice as they could be. Yeah. They're a loving group. Almost, almost bully walk level. I don't know how we got to the bully walks being nice out of all this. I mean, just a, just a perfect example of family. Yeah.

Captain. Family first. We could all strive to be more like bully walks. A tight knit. That's beautiful community. Smash catcher them getting dragged to the swamp. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. This is good. to the swamp. This is good, these are the dragging teams to the swamp.

Heroic. Yeah, thank you. Appreciate it. This is your moment. This is why I left the mountain. To have this time of the fall. OK, so are you going to run for moonshine or are you going to fight the horse?

I second-win running for moonshine. OK, that's what gives me these guys an opportunity to attack on you. So they're going to swing it. First guy hits a cool, cool. OK, five they're gonna swing. First guy hits. Oh, cool. Cool. Okay, five damage.

Good Lord. That's fine. Thanking guy. Misses. Third guy hits. Four damage. Oh, four damage. Fourth guy.

Nine damage so far. Fourth guy hits. Oh, two damage. Fifth guy. 11 damage. Misses. Hard damage. Mrs. Hardware and the sorcerer. You just gonna swing, but he misses.

11 damage. You run over. You run over the most. That could be a nine. Yeah, you're a nine. You run over to moonshine. You find a potion on her. You put her head in your lap.

Pour some potion down her throat. Paw paws, licking at her face. And moonshine, you pop-op. Sad about pop-op. Pop-op is just fighting at your hands. He doesn't understand what's happening. Yeah.

The things you're killing her. Roll 2D4 plus two. Hard one just ran through like a car wash of violence to get over to moonshine. That's what I look for. Yeah, you did it. Six. Okay, moonshines, back up, back at six.

Hell yeah. Hard one, you have a little bit of movement left. Would you like to move away from Moon Shiner? Do you want to stand right by her? Move, uh, what I move away to like give her space to attack people or what I move away to run away from the violence. I'm no craving. You're no, you're not a craving man, but do you want to move out of the way so you don't both get hit by the same spell? That'd be good. That's not smart. So you combat roll out of the way after and you guys put some space in between you two and That is going to be moonshine actually. All right. It's time for some biotic entity. That's right. Oh Turn into a fungus and there is a fungus, a mongos. That's what the cobalt's screaming at, and it.

Then gives me six extra hit points, so I'm up to 12 people. Hell yeah. Oh, nice right. And I'm just gonna fucking go at the closest person near me with my cimitar. So you just need to run into the thick of it because the cobalt's are, yeah.

The alter. So there's five cobaltts and I'm going after it. None of them are hurt, right? None of them are hurt. Are you going after the little ones or the sorcerer? I'm going to go after the sorcerer. She's going after the sorcerer. Yeah, go for them.

If you turn into a giant mushroom mama and kill their- I got it too. Okay, I did not hit. You whiffed big time. But I'm going to spore six hit points at the sorcerer. And then use my bonus action, the healing word. Oh! My boy, who just healed me, hey.

What? Let it be known, if you heal moonshine, you get healed. That's Crick-Hospitalin. That's Crick-Hospitalin. You don't wanna heal me. So I'm gonna do, oh shit, you're right, I really should. You're right, I really should. Okay, I'm gonna healing word, I'm so sorry. You just, wanna heal me? So I'm gonna do, oh shit, you're right, I really should. You're right, I really should. Okay, I'm gonna heal him, I'm so sorry.

You just, you heal him. You got hard ones, hope so. He raised his hand for a high five and then you realize Beverly is. It's definitely funnier if you heal hard one over my lifeless corpse. Yeah, that's two- Absolutely, no.

Wait, Beverly up, we need him. Yeah, I can't be. The thing is, this is a distance healing, so it's like not as good. It's only like 1D4 plus five. I'll take what I can get. You boy Beverly is in a real bind. Eight to Bev.

Okay, nice. So I just get eight HP. Yeah. Oh nice. Cool. So Bev pops back up. At least now with three targets. We're three targets, right?

I pop back up and like, as if I was clearly had a wet dream. Yeah. I swear you don't dream of Irland. Yeah, I pop back up and just scream. I lied. Irland was in my wet dream and I was in his. You hear a distant halfling boy, boys, yell.

What? Now it is the sorcerer's turn. He is going to hurl a little fire bolt at moonshine. Boo. And he's gonna miss. Yeah, that's right, bitch. Bev, you're up. All right, hard ones out of it right now.

He's like 10 or 20 feet away from the cobalt. moonshine is surrounded by cobalt and the sorcerer. I draw my sword, okay? I get into the grave, I de- Directly on the leader. Okay. I step, solid little twern and stain on your breeches. Ha ha ha ha.

I take off my sash and tie it around my waist so you can't see my little stain. And my little stain? You should be arrested for saying that. It is the size of a vehicle. And you are under arrest. Well, regardless of the size, no one can see it. I step firmly, I'm with purpose towards the head cobalt.

And I recite the six tenants of the green team. A green team is a keep of the light, and a water of the blight. They know the words to heal, and tin the earth was heal. They're aware of what is just, and they're sword. I hold my sword a lot. He is free of rust! Suddenly during that time, everyone had time to notice his little stain.

You see the cobalt turns to you. Did you come, man? Is that pretty good? Yes! You get a little drizzle. Rollin' attack, girl. Okay. Yes Roll rolling attack roll God damn it

You know what roll with advantage because that was beautiful I did write a poem at my lunch break today, so I'm gonna just pull this closure on how that went down. Oh, 18. Great. Oh, plus five. You hit, you super hit. Yeah. Well, you're damaged, baby. All righty.

It's a three plus five that's eight. Don't. Nice. This dude's looking pretty damn fucked up. Uh-huh. It's grim. Kind of was hoping for the finishing blow. For the kill.

For the kill. This guy's quite a bit tougher than his little his little brothers Sure You see that he works out. He's got some like decent shoulder definition. Yeah, wow his traps look like mine He's like a wrestler in the like 110 pound division Do I at first from far away? You think that he's just a skinny guy But then you see how tony is once you get up close with my slash do I like remove his robes? I can see how toned he is once he get up close. So with my slash, do I like remove his robe? So I can see how he is.

Yeah, he removes his robe and he is cut. Like what? He has an eight hat. Like you don't expect like spell packs to be back. He don't expect somebody with scales to have an eight pack. Yeah, you're a spell, man. What's maybe keep him alive? What's like knock him out?

Everyone go ahead and roll for Horniness to see how Horniness is going to be. We are for sure. Seeing this very ripped cobalt. What do we add to that? Oh, we're pretty sure. That's a charisma check. A constitution maybe.

OK. I'm going to go with charisma, because I have a plus six. That's going to be 19. I got a 19. 19. OK, you just see wet spots. Yeah, I have a 20. I got a 22. Just wet spots.

The more I fucking don't need it. Emerging the pants of all our heroes. Tiny little stains. Everyone's wet for this cobalt. Everyone makes a tiny stain. A little stain. Tiny stains all around. Little stains is another good name for our party. I'm gonna stay in the middle of the stage. I'm gonna stay in the middle of the stage. I'm gonna stay in the middle of the stage. I'm gonna stay in the middle of the stage. I'm gonna stay in the middle of the stage. I'm gonna stay in the middle of the stage. I'm gonna stay in the middle of the stage. I'm gonna stay in the middle of the stage.

I'm gonna stay in the middle of the stage. I'm gonna stay in the middle of the stage. I'm gonna stay in the middle of the stage. I'm gonna stay in the middle of the stage. I'm gonna stay in the middle of the stage. I'm gonna stay in the middle of the stage. I'm gonna stay in the middle of the stage. I'm gonna stay in the middle of the stage.

I'm gonna stay in the middle of the stage. I'm gonna stay in the middle of the stage. I'm gonna stay in the middle of the stage. I'm gonna stay in the middle of the stage. I'm gonna stay in the middle of the stage. I'm gonna stay in the middle of the stage. I'm gonna stay in the middle of the stage. I'm gonna stay in the middle of the stage.

I'm gonna stay in the middle of the stage. I'm gonna stay in the middle of the stage. I'm gonna stay in the middle of the stage. I'm gonna stay in the middle of the stage. I'm gonna stay in the middle of the stage. Beverly, one swing, and that's going to be a 15 hit, Mrs. No. Nothing to do. Beverly's got that A 16 hit. 16 hit. Beverly's starting. He's got an 18. Oh boy.

Okay, so these are the three guys you're going to have to move shine. Bring it on. 15 hit. That's going to be a hit. Oh no. That's a, that's only two damage. Yeah.

Second guy swings. He's going to hit four damage. Okayaking guy swings, he's gonna hit four damage. Okay, next guy misses. Yeah. Okay, and then that is hard one's turn. Hell yeah, going after the sorcerer. Cool, go for it. That's a number. You have to put six to fucking 18.

Hey, then I have to do, oh wait 12. He's cut and now he's cut. That's a fucking 18. Hey! Then I have to do... Oh wait, 12, yeah. He's cut, and now he's cut. Fuck, yeah. That's a 16. Yeah! Oh! Oh!

Bitch! And this fucking jacked ass dude is about to get decapitated! Hard one. Finish him. Oh, kill that jacksword. Oh my god, I'm helicoptering the crates out of my head. Say, you saw what I did to the bully wags, to the greatest, to the snake, to crook.

Your next boom, capitating. Before he dies, he said, I didn't actually see any of that. I was talking about him. I'm sorry, who's crook? What are you saying? Oh! Yes! Ah!

Deck blood spurting out of his neck where his head used to be. Oh, hell, yeah. His head is removed. But I feel like he does like one last rep before he dies. You don't fuck with the band-boot. Yeah, he's his body falls perfectly sculpted to the floor. As the rest of his robe comes out,

and you see that he has an 8 inch flaccid bean that he is hung, he is tight, he has a grower and a shower. You can only imagine what that thing would be. Moon-jange shivers. I feel like it's due to his two feet tall. No wonder all the other cobalt's following. Yeah. Wait, so his dick is like half the size of it?

Yeah, his dick is a quarter of it. Yeah, it falls to the ground. Munchine reverse shivers. First she like shiver down and then it shivers back up. She shivers back up. That is going to be Bev. All right. Wait, but that's Munchine.

Oh, Munchine, I'm sorry. Yeah. It is your turn. I thought it was a sorcerer's turn, but no, we were just talking about his dick. Yeah. Go ahead moonshine. Who's in front of me?

What is it? How are the cold bulbs reacting to this? They are scared. They're scared. They're scared, but they're going to try to kill you. Yeah. OK, they're still fine. So I'm just going to attack your person in front of me.

Cool. So they're so sad that they're strong wizard dad is dead me 13 That does hit oh yeah Okay, so that's gonna be one these Nine he's gone Bye, and then I looked at who's who looks the saddest about him dying of his friends. You see one cobalt, Wimper's. It was definitely his best friend.

He's clear at the frame. I look at him and I say, don't worry, you'll see him soon. Blow my sports. His horse is nice. Well, his horse is nice. Yeah. Finish him, he's dead. Six.

Woo! Mushrooms burst through his brain and his head exploded. It's really beautiful thing. And he falls down. He has an all of a sudden speed. And he falls down. He wasn't wearing a robe. He was just nude, but yeah, he had a tiny little dick. That is going to be-

You know, Shine feels fine about this. He's like, what use was he to me? Beverly, you're up. Okay. I guess I want to do a quick scan to see if anyone else is wearing like friendship lockets to denote their Companion ship levels. They're all yeah these three guys are triplets

They're not only siblings, but they're close Because they're all holding hands they hold hands while they fight That's so cute. You should use your sword right in between two in their hands and their names are fillin little like the rug rats and then there's a there's another one named Bill Bill and Bill go for fucking little man. All right. Yeah, go for a little yeah, fuck little Yeah, little lizard big damage here. We go. Oh Get lucky that's a one, but I'm gonna get lucky There you go. Oh. Get lucky.

That's a one, but I'm gonna get lucky. Okay. Can you put the death punk song in, like, can you play that? Absolutely. Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, six. Cool, that's enough. That's enough, yeah. You bash Lil to death. Uh-huh. Oh! Let's just note that she was standing in the middle.

Is that you standing in the middle? So their handhold is broken. Phil and Bill are destroyed emotionally. There's a whole beyond to her severed hands. Ah! Okay, so it is Phil and Bill's turn. And you see they're going to disengage and just full on Jump into the water

Back down under the first floor And they just just jump off let the cowards run. They have no organization. We've taken their leader. Oh, yeah I agree so you guys Go find the youngins so you guys I'm saying and you guys are in this you staying in the chat hall with his dead sorcerer with this huge stick. And you also see, you've got the Northwest Tower is,

there's a staircase leading to it in the right corner. That's got to be young and central. Yep. Or North, North Star. I'm staying fungal. I'm staying fungal because the second I'm not fungal, I will be dead. Stay fungal. Stay funky. Yeah, you don't have any I could also cure wounds myself right now. That's probably good. Okay. I'll cure. I'm gonna cure wounds myself. I have eight HP. What's Everyone's HP? Quick. I will be the second. I'm not a fungus. I'll die. Okay. I'll probably cure wounds myself before we leave this room. I'm gonna take the robe and cover

We like hard ones creating his neck the entire time For the dead god, that's a thick hog do the size of my cap. Can I say some can I snack some Tim Hortons before we go? Yeah, you grab a couple donuts and some coffee. Do those, does that revive me at all? No. It's not even actually there. I get a... You're just hallucinating because you were just knocked out.

You do have CTE. Yes. This FYI got 11 hit points. Oh, cool. Hell yeah. So it was nice. So you guys have the back right towers, the one you're closest to, you're on that same level, the other tower, the back left tower,

you'll have to climb down, go onto the first floor and then climb the stairs and go. Or hijack, the second floor is, although you could climb across the wall too. Yeah, or hijack a winged Cobald and fly. Yes, I'm just gonna put out there that I think we're all a little low on hit points and We have no spells left. Yeah, I don't know if there's like a place in here that we could successfully

I don't think there is right with do I have I used my second win? Second when you did it did Okay, so I'm just saying that we should fight really consciously. Yeah, we should be right and we should stealth into shit And try to avoid confrontation. So which way are you guys going? Are you guys going to try to climb across, like where hard one climbed up and go to the tower in the left corner, or are you guys going to go to the tower

that's in your room? We should probably check the nearest tower, right? So we can't see into either one. You cannot see into either one. Even with my cyclist. They're still higher up. Got it. So let's go to the other. You can certainly stand to either one you cannot see into either one even with my spyglass. They're still higher up Got it. Okay, so let's go You can certainly try to stealth maybe we should do the closer tower. Yeah, okay guys climb up the closer tower Do you want to roll stealth rolls? Yeah, pretty safe to assume that cobalt's know you're here, but you can sneak up on them

14 14. Yeah 14 as well. I got a 10. Cool. Just a stealthy bunch of dudes. Season stealth. Double did yourself. You're stealthy when you're six, but stealthy, healthy, wealthy and dead. You guys climb up the stairs. You see a cold-balled sees you guys right away

and you see he runs back in the tower. Get him, get him, get him, get him, get him in the tower. He runs back into the room. You guys are like climbing a spiral staircase. Can I throw my throwing axes at him? Yeah, go ahead and throw the throwing axes. Oh, damn, that's 25. Yeah, throw damage on your, it'll be less than your hand axe or your grade axe.

Yeah, that's six. Six, you kill him. Oh, my. Axe hits him in the back of the head. It's just goddamn brainstem. Damn. Bank falls under the floor. Cool.

Whoa. Protect the Tim Hortons at all costs. Okay, let's keep Sultan up then. Yeah, yeah, we can, now we can keep on Sultan. Okay, give me another Stealth roll. It's a 16. Okay, 16 for me as well. Hey, Stalk Twins.

Dope, you guys sneak up. You guys get to the Scout Tower and you see three green teams. Is it Erlin? It is. Is it Erlin there? Erlin, Durlin and Cran are tied up on the floor of this tower and you see one extremely fucking scared cobalt. I go and I push him over the edge. I want to go push him over the edge.

Roll it up, straight. Oh shit, I rolled really poorly, I got him for it. You see, you go to push him, he takes a low stance and just tackles you as this cobalt and moonshine start to wrestle. I want to like stab him in the back while they're wrestling. Okay. Roll. Roll. It's 15.

Stab him in the back. Roll your damage. That's going to be 6 plus 5, 11. Super dead. Oh my god. Now I just cobalt blood pouring all over me. I love it. I can't even.

Ooh, my sweat better than mud. Murf, can I paint the picture? Sure. I pull my blade out of this cobalt's back. I wipe it on my arm and then like kind of wipe some of it off my face and then I turn to face my peers. Whoa. And then like after a beat, I just go, kind of wipe some of it off my face, and then I turn to face my peers. Whoa! And then like after a beat, I just go,

hey guys, how's it going? I see Cran, Irland, and Durlin are so beat now. They have had the shit kicked out of them. They're definitely, they're probably at about 1HB. You see Cran is sort of the... The nap is super fucking epic. These guys are like as cute as Beverly. Cran is basically a little Cindy Luhu halfling

who has little blonde curls and freckles. And she just looks super dirty and super hurt. And she's got her mouth is gagged and you see she's hog tied. And you see, Irlin is skinny, like ginger halfling boy with red hair and freckles. And he's also tied up and really hurt. And you see, you see Durlin,

Durlin kind of looks like the kid from up. He just is big kind of a jumpy. You see Durlin is unconscious. Oh no. We got no healing. Yeah, can we just like check to make sure that you can do a healing check? Yeah, okay.

So Beverly, Beverly runs over and starts doing like chest compressions on Dirlin. On Dirlin. And Irland just as an excuse to touch him. Yes, so that's 19. Ooh. Yeah. We start doing chest compressions.

Uh-huh. Pallor, pallor, pallor, pallor. You do chest compressions. Suddenly, Dirland starts coughing. But he still got the gag on. Okay, I take the gag off. I send Hoppa over to Na off their hog ties. Hoppa, Na's off.

Hoppa, do what you do best. Make holes. Make holes. So he runs over. He runs over. He gets me more sweaters. He gets way too deep in their mouths, like biting at him. You see they're terrified. Their eyes are wide open.

We should have just tried. Papa opens them up. You see, you see Irland runs over and instantly hugs Beverly. Beverly. Irland. Oh, dude! Dude, what's up? And then Durlin and Cran also run over and hug Beverly.

Oh, the hug. Munchine takes notice of the hug between Irlin and Beverly. I turned it along. I turned to Irlin and I fished up like, oh, hey, that reminds me. And I fish the gaming set out of my, out of my pack. Sure.

Like, you lent this to me back in town and I've been hold on to it for you. Oh, thanks, Beverly. Yeah. Oh, man. We got our boots kicked out there by those bully wugs. And I lost my cooking patch. Oh, no, you're cooking patch.

God damn it. You were gonna teach me how to, you know what, that's okay. You know, okay. My new scout master. Oh, I was gonna say kid, I think we saw it back in the swamp. Yes, got master, didn't you pick it up? Oh yeah. Did I pick it up?

Truth be told, yes I did. I was honestly gonna sew it onto my overalls. It's not the most moral moment of my life But now Melora has given me a chance to write that wrong. Here's your cooking patch These stupid kids are all so pumped about this patch even though they're half dead and in this A bunch of naked dragon people all around us And in this tower, there's still a bunch of naked dragon people all around this guy. Hocus-haw! Shhh!

Uh, do you, do you children, you know, have any sort of fighting prowess or healin' prowess or any sort of gifts that might, uh, aid us in combat? Well, we're all little paladins, so we can heal each other and you see they go everybody touch Hand in like a little triangle with Beverly in the middle and they all lay hands on each other These guys are only level one so they only do five-hp to each of them. Yeah, but they're back up to like seven each day. Munchine barbs over the sock. Yeah. Munchine barbs over. Touch hands.

Thank poor. Thank we love for lore. I think that we all do like a little dance. We definitely all do. We guys all do a great team dance. Oh, if y'all, if y'all youngins are gonna dance, I'm gonna play the wine. Munchine play the one. I'm gonna play the one. I'm gonna play the one. I'm gonna play the one. I'm gonna play the one. I'm gonna play the one. I'm gonna play the one.

I'm gonna play the one. I'm gonna play the one. I'm gonna play the one. I'm gonna play the one. I'm gonna play the one. I'm gonna play the one. I'm gonna play the one. I'm gonna play the one.

I'm gonna play the one. I'm gonna play the one. I'm gonna play the one. I'm gonna play the one. I'm gonna play the one. I'm gonna play the one. I'm gonna play the one. I'm gonna play the one.

I'm gonna play the one. I'm gonna play the one. I'm gonna play the one. I'm gonna play the one. I'm gonna play the one. I'm gonna play the one. I'm gonna play the one. Do you know how to use do you use an axe get away from me man? I mean this is so hard Is this is your scout master some I knew scout master scout master Denny when he left He said that we had other scout masters that we would find in the swamp Yeah, this is one of them wow. I am your scout master That's correct. Cran, Wax, Cran, Aril and Dirlen all surround you and they yell again, touch here!

We don't have to yell that, dude. Nothing magical happens this time. They're just high-fiving in a triangle around hard ones. So are we all healed? You guys, what, no, they only, they only, they only, they only, they only held each other They think they were almost dead. Yeah, it's fair. I'm almost dead So they use their lay on hands for the day. They're all at about seven HP. Okay, they're not as strong as Beverly Do you guys have any potions or anything or did the cobalt's take them early in turn?

See you and he says yeah the the the bully wugs pretty much took all our stuff they they said that They I overheard them talking to the cobalts and they were giving them to the cobalts for them to sacrifice us to the dragon. The dragon, the dragon. Where's the dragon? I thought the dragon was killed by the dragon. He's in the dragon dead.

Cran turns and she says, apparently they have a little egg. Oh my God, we gotta get that egg. Look, I'm not ready to be a mother, but I'm ready to be an adoptive mother. That's responsible. It's like getting a puppy. Exactly. Each kid, each kid pulls at your wastes saying, are we gonna get a dragon egg? Are we gonna get a dragon egg? Don't touch your skeletons. Mr. Hard one, are you gonna get a, Scout Master Hard one? Shh. Shh. I'm like very excited and cheerful about this,

but I just have a tinge of embarrassment, I guess. Wow, Beverly's growing up. Yeah, that would be cool, I guess. Growing right up. I feel like I turn to Arnold and be like, guess how many people we killed? Did you kill somebody? Yeah, like 15 people.

That's awesome. I know. I know. Honestly, your friend Beverly here is like a serial murderer. That's right. So by the way, the Jemperine is canceled. Jemperine is for now. For now, Scott Master Denny said that we were gonna try to have the jimper in any way.

Scott Master Denny is a piece of shit. I don't know, to tell you. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. I don't, you know, as much as I, I think that you should raise children with the truth and the truth is that Denny is a craven man who deserves little more. Nothing close to respect. Tell you what, we came across the Bullywag King

and Scab Master Denny and the Bullywag King is fucking cooler than that. Yeah, that is true. All I know is that if I can get my dragon rearing patch, then I will without a doubt, beyond my way to becoming a six point green teen and a junior paladin, to boot. Well, let's go get you that fucking dragon. Yeah!

Yeah, I think the question is, do we want to, like, what is the cobalt situation in the rest of this? Yeah, I think we may be asked. Castle. The teens, they think. Like, how many do we think are left? Cranger says, I was in a bag.

Go for you, Cranger. So yeah, it's all, I was in a bag Go for you cramp very It's all I was in a bag for 24 hours nice cramp. Hey, really Yeah, how many of you green teens were there when you were captured just us Sweet just you oh Any green teens great everyone's a lot moonshine chest bumps Everyone one of the kids fall down. Everyone's a lot. Munchine chest bumps. Everyone. One of the kids falls out of the tower. Everybody's so excited.

Okay. So we got, we did it. We got the green teens. I'm going to come clean and say, I'd love a full night rest. Yeah. We're all free to sleep. We're all free to sleep in the tower. The cobalt's live here.

Yeah. Kids. We're probably not going to do that. cobalt's live here. Yeah. Kids, we're probably not going to do that. They dragged me in a bag. Yeah. We've heard about the bag. We heard about the bag. We touch. No need.

No need. I wasn't magic that time. Yeah, no. I was saying that. I was saying that. I was saying that. I was saying that. I was saying that.

I was saying that. I was saying that. I was saying that. I was saying that. I was saying that. I was saying that. I was gonna pretend. We're gonna pretend. The best. We're gonna pretend that we are cobalts and put you in the back. Let's put the kids in the sacks and try to sneak out. Are you guys actually gonna put the kids in the sacks? Yeah, we are. Do I have to go in a sack?

No, you're one of us, Bev. Sorry, sorry guys. Erlin turns to you, Bev. Do I really have to go back in the sack, man? I mean, like the scout masters to go back in the sack, man? I mean, like the scout masters that you go in the sack. The scout masters, like, yeah. You're a Beverly decapitated bunch of people.

He's proved his worth. Okay, I'll go in the sack. Couch! Sacks! I give him some, I give him some Ritz bits. Oh, thanks, man. Yeah. Ritz bits.

Dirlin just, what were you after, this. Dirlin just let me off some more. Dirlin has such a thick sack. Yeah. They climb in the sacks. Yeah. Okay. Who's carrying Dirlin? Because he weighs a little more.

Oh, okay, Dirlin. Yeah, I'll carry Kran. Do I? I guess you can carry Kran. You're going to have to carry Kran. You're going to have to carry too. You want to piggyback Dirlin? I don't think you need to pay. I mean, they're just halflings. To ease. I'll carry two. You can carry two. You can carry two. You can carry two. You can carry two.

You can carry two. You can carry two. You can carry two. You can carry two. You can carry two. You can carry two. You can carry two. You can carry two.

You can carry two. You can carry two. You can carry two. I don't think I'll carry two. Can I do a sack racer with the Rellon? We both get in the sack and just bounce around. Yeah, you can. You can.

You can. You can. You can. You're starting to do that in hardwood. You can sit her. Should we consider? So we are currently on this tower. Should we consider belaying down with a rope? Oh nice. Eggs at the tower and like make camp and sleep a full night and get some rest. And then you have the tower without going by the air. Yeah.

And then come back for the egg. Yeah. OK. Cool. Yeah. I guess like, do we? Are going to try to belay the rope down? Yeah.

And try to climb out. Yeah. We tell the kids in the sacks we're lowering the rope down. We're in the sacks. Are you guys lowering one at a time? Are you guys climbing down the rope kind of fast? We're climbing down the rope fast. Everybody give me a, so you lower the rope down?

Let me see if anybody sees that. OK. I love the look. Everybody give me climb checks with advantage because you have the rule I got a Acrobatics or athletics or does it matter athletics? Okay, I got 17 Okay, I think I got a 13 okay, yeah, so you guys start to climb down you guys are all

Okay, cool. So you guys start to climb down. You guys are all successfully climbing down. Hard one has two halflings over his shoulder. Moonshine has one and Beverly takes up the rear, but the cobalt's in the other tower. Do see you. And they are gonna take disadvantaged attacks on you guys. And they roll the goddamn 19 and an 18.

Oh no! Okay. He's gonna shoot a bolt at Beverly who's in the back, four damage, and then the other guy takes a shot. Uh-oh. And he rolls, he misses. So the other one being soft the side, you guys are able to, you guys get down into the water,

are you guys just swimming out into the swamp? Yeah, we gotta run. Okay, we're swimming out. These guys in the tower are gonna take shots at you guys get down into the water, are you guys just swimming out into the swamp? Yeah, we gotta run. Yeah, I think we're swimming out. We're gonna take shots at you guys one more time as you guys disengage. The first guy misses, second guy misses. Nice. You guys get off into the swamp with the green team.

Oh, it's nice. All right. Nice. And that's where we will end this session. Now it's like Ouvia. The green teams have been saved. Woo! And the players have reached level three.

Oh! Oh! It'll be level three. Hell yeah. Huge baby. We're all level three, baby. We're all level three, baby. Okay guys, thanks for listening.

Please rate the podcast. Give us five stars. We really appreciate it. Let us know which one of us you want to give you a shout out. You can get a shout out from moonshine hard one to Beverly. Get a shout out from the character. Give us a good rating. I can dirt with shout out. If someone wants a dirt and shout out, I am more than willing to give it to them. Yeah, thank you guys for listening. Follow us on Twitter. Or that meaty hog, the cobalt. Oh, that's right, the source for it.

Nobody asked, but his great character with lots of depth. Yeah. Nobody asked, but his name was porn. Yeah. Very clever. Yeah. That is what people tune in to here. And that is what we give them.

Names like porn, the big dick cobalt. That is what people tune in to hear. And that is what we give them. Names like Horn, the big dick cobalt. That will be on Milwaukee for sure. The Ben Goose. Check out the, not another D&D podcast. We'll know together. Are not another D&D podcast. The last day.

The what? The little stings. The little stings. We've been in this room a while. Are not another D&D podcast. that's D-N-D, the letter N podcast. A-Hash Tag NAD pod, baby. Hashtag NAD pod N-A-D-D pod.

If you want to tweet about it, tweet at us. Thank you guys, we'll do shout outs at the end of this here. May the Bobbi Yawg and I take you this night. May the Bahamut keep you. Hey guys, thanks for listening. We're going to do our shout outs now. Remember, if you want a shout out from us, leave us a five star review and request

who you want your shout out from. So this week, I got a shout out, Brando Two Shoes, who's a bit of a goody two shoes because they asked for a shout out from the DM himself. But I respect that. You could ask for a flashy character instead you went straight to the source. Also got a shout out Maddie McGee 506 who asked for all three characters to shout him out in Perfect Unison. We can't do that

because we record these separately so you'll just have to settle for me. Maddie McGee, I also want to shout out Perfectly Virgo and Pyle who asked for shout-outs from Dying Bullywug so here's one getting disembowled. Also Darryl Fett's requested that I sing more POD, so here I am. Wasn't that beautiful? Let's join our characters. David Park, I battle, laugh, and drink by your side. Fischy Phelps won the lucky rod of the river.

Your trout is second to none. MDKSS12, the creator of the Watch This Tracker, know that there are more to track. I appreciate you. Michael Koon, the bastard at the mountain has no known blood relations. Nonetheless, I consider you family. Emory 222, your quads are almost as good as mine, which is saying a fuck ton. Emily Lee 2N4, friend of the dwarves of the deep, and Ally is sure as my foot.

Corey Olson, of the proud Olson clan, your honor knows no bounds. Caravaposta, you are the sustenance that fills me so far from the deep. Farham, 31, a stalwart comrade, the pride of Iron Deep owes you his thanks. Bullet 6377, our bond is as fierce as my delts. Closet nerd 32, a nervous cave dwelling dweeb. Come into the sun, feel the light of the world on your face. Luke G, share my wine skin, let us embive and sing body songs of the beautiful dwarf maidens of our youth.

Zara Gobern, back to back we fight, side by side we ride. In FL Jeff, in F. Jeff, Lord of the Stronghold, my axe is at your service. The real McAvoy, I will proudly decapitate any false McAvoy, that is my solemn vow. Michael McCauley, swift with the spear, strong with the sword, I'm proud to call you friend. Goodness gracious, you are all that is true in this world. It is for goodness and grace that I defend Bohemia. Henning, I X, the clenched fist of peace. I fear no living thing but you.

You do make me nervous. XJXVX, the night stars above Bohemia have stirred the hearts of countless wanderers, but nothing moves me more than looking into your eyes. I thank you. An excerpt from the journal of Beverly Togold, Fifth Leaf Green Teen, and fourth place participant in the seventh annual Upper Glateron Church of Pellor Talent Show. Dear Diary, my new Scott Master Moon Shine has a pet possum named Pop-Op that is just great.

His favorite activities are sleeping, nestling uninvited in people's bosoms, and screaming at objects. Here's a list of potential names for if my parents ever let me get a pet. If it's a dog, either podcast reviewer guy, KK1618 or Walrus Man01. If it's a cat, hmm, code Adam, LeBron Jonah or Ultimate Nerd. And if it's the enchanted golem I asked for last birthday, dad. Something like... 2018.

Yeah. Fingers crossed. Pop-os choking on my ink bottle again. So I'd better go. Farewell for now. Your friend Beverly. Hey y'all, moonshine here. Just wanted to shout out some of the great folk I'm proud to call my fellow crit kind.

Kyle Marshall, alpha-delta-1-2-3, Kappa- rock, red or 18, Quinn, Calcogno, be crawls, Sarah great, Matt Sedge and Adalia of yarn. You lot are more fun than a cracked dial chasing his tail. Now before I let you go, Papa just handing me a note imperfectly executed script. It says, a most tender possum greetings to pop-a 6969 and Brad the human 8771. Tender indeed, little guy. Tender indeed. That was a hate gum podcast.