Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 50: Nightcap (A Faerie Tale)

Episode Date: February 14, 2019

The Band of Boobs accept an invitation from Biggen the Gnome and head out to the club! Moonshine grapples with her pre-conceived gnome-tions, Beverly does some underage drinking, and Hardwon loses himself on the dance floor. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music/Sound Effects Include:"Monster Beats" by Frankum at Freesound.org."Techno Pop" by Frankum at Freesound.org."Love, TechnoHouse, & Peace" by Frankum at Freesound.org."Sunday Acid Jam" by Georgeke at Freesound.org."Heed the Mushroom's Call" by Emily Axford."Schubert's Song" by Emily Axford."Jolene the Green" by Emily Axford."'Neath a Ceiling of Stars" by Emily Axford."Rolling Deep" by Emily Axford."Sea Beast" by Emily Axford."Great Crone of the Sea" by Emily Axford."Wooded Wonders" by Emily Axford."Fantastic & Fuddling" by Emily Axford.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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The worst Superhero team in history. It's biblical, it's biblical. Yeah, bombed at the box office. How? It was a DC property. Can't believe it. Okay guys, let's do a little recap.

Okay, last week you guys defeated the Bear Prince, freed the Honey Goblins and Dryads, reunited, Durlin and Cran. It turned out that the Dryads were actually a ladrin, the fey equivalent of high elves, whose personalities and appearance are supposed to change depending on which season they were in. However, despite being in spring,

these were winter a ladrin and were sad as hell. Insufferable, really. Yeah, they had a very bad personality. I just want to pet your dog. I mean, yeah, they're introverts. It's fine. Some people need to recharge for a thousand years. Cran surmised that the curse of Queen Serilla

must be quite mighty for it to be affecting even a lager in this far out. You were then horrified to find out that many of the Honey Goblins you freed were actually gnomes. You know, it's a teaching moment. Sometimes you free a Honey Goblin and it's a gnome. Life is a box of Honey Goblins. The gnome's offered to reward you by taking you to their tavern

in the nearby city of Free Spire. It took some serious convincing by Kran and Darlin for you to agree, but you finally did and set off leaving the grown-up couple to bone in their new hideout and protect their family while the rest of you set off to find Bev's dad. And that's where we are now. Great, can we begin writing their chambers? Yeah, can you just roleplay it up by yourself?

Yeah, so Kran is writing Dirlen. Oh, okay. Oh, okay, yes, okay. Yes, girl. Yeah. So, let's cut over to you guys. You're walking with these gnomes to the city of Freesbire. The gnomes explain to you along the way that this is a free city, not pledged to the Seely or the Unseely court.

And this is in the exact same location that Frostwind is in the mortal plane. So, you guys hike for a bit through the forest. You see some actual dry ads and some more like streams and actual dry ads? Yeah, certainly. I'll definitely stop and chat one up. Oh my God, hey. Hey, Moonchan, what's your name?

Treena. Treena. Treena. Treena. Is there like a apostrophe in there? No, it's just like tree and then thereena. Treena. Treena. Treena. Treena. Yeah. Is there like a apostrophe in there? No, it's just like Treen and then Ena. Oh, my apologies. Yeah. Well, Treena, we were gonna hit up, but I don't know if you ever heard of a little club called the Nutcap. La, I'm the bartender. Oh my God, you know the bartender there? Yeah, he's gonna hook us up with free drinks. We've kind of saved his life and the lives of his people.

Anyways, I'm gonna be there. So just do what you will with that. Yeah, if you guys want a roll deep. Go ahead and make a persuasion check with advantage to get these dryads to roll deep with you. I got a three and a four. Oh my God. We love no good.

Can I spike the earth with magic to help this dry add? Oh my god, do you know what this means? Is that my love affair with Tris? Even though I was stringing her along and not emotionally invested with her, it was still me being fucking hoodwinked and manipulated. I can't land someone on my own good graces. You see, Trina just kind of goes like,

that's really cool. We're actually kind of busy tonight, but what's your name as she looks at the gnome? It's Budden. Maybe we'll swing by sometime, I don't know, but like not tonight, we're just like kind of busy. I'm sorry that our magic dog is peeing on you. Yeah, that was part of it.

That'd be nice. I drink the flask like a baby goat. Just like, I'm going to town. I pat her on the back. It's okay. You got a game. Don't worry. I catch up with moonshine.

Dude, that was epic. Doctor Treena. How are you? Yeah. You're just like, yo, rolling, like that's fucking sick. Hard one, I noticed that you were just staring directly forward the whole time. I was trying to do that like smoldering thing.

I was giving him the shark eyes by accident. Just the dead eyes. I'm sorry. I'll do it a little bit. Yeah, I was standing behind Moonshine and I was like, you know, three of them, three of us. But yeah, I goofed it too. So Moonshine, sorry for making you less cool.

Yeah, honestly, it just kind of tickles my heart that you're even impressed that I went up there. That kind of makes me, you know, I feel more confident. Moonshot is a lot of bravery to shoot your shot. Yeah, and shoot it I did. You know what, I'm gonna say a normal thing. We're getting you late tonight.

Both of you. Okay. Are you talking to Moonshot and Balnor? Moonshot and me. I'm kind of like looking past everyone so I don't have to make a proclamation. Oh yeah! I'm fixed, Ben's hair, and we go on.

You guys continue on, and you guys get to free-spire. The city of unaligned creatures of all different types, but you do see like frost wind, there is a giant wall, but their wall looks very different. It's still springtime here, it is still, sun is still constantly in position of like a sunrise. And there's this big stone wall here exactly where the frost wind wall is, except this one is stone and covered in moss

and plant overgrowth, it's quite beautiful. You see the gnomes go, come on, let's go inside. All right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You see they walk over, Bigin walks up to some of the vines. You see the vines shoot up like your grasping vine moonshine. Has like my passport to Villa. Yeah, kind of like, and it gives like an intelligence swivel. And Bigin goes,

we're living the gnome district, I own the Nutcups, these are our guests. And you see the vine kind of nods. The vine start grabbing the gnomes and passing them up. What do you guys do? I place my ass on the vine. Raps itself around your ass

and like your crowd surfing, but up you are passed up the wall. I try to put my ass on the vine, but I slip off and kind of go sideways. Yeah, you see the vine tries to grab your ass because clearly that's what you want, but it can't get a good grass weather. It's right there.

There's no meat there. It's right there. Grab your legs. That's the cheek. That's the cleft. You get dangled by your ankles up high. All right, I'll pass by these vines. Hard one, can you show me how to do squats?

I thought you'd never ask it. I jump into the vines and just dead weight them. They really will aboard his sleep, push you up. You just look like a dead maiden or like a sleeping possessed person. I'm like trying to do it right and think I need to do as little as possible, so as not to interfere.

Yeah, the vines push you up. Moonshine is last. You guys get past over the city walls into the city. And you see that this is truly a bizarro version of Frostwind. Everything here is made of stone, and covered in green moss, including the cobblestone streets, where a normal city might have planters with trees lining the street. These trees seems to just grow naturally

out of the cobblestone perfectly. It's this beautiful marriage of nature and urban life. You see dry ads and trolls, spring of labyrinth and goblins living amongst each other. Sounds like a green teen wet dream. Yeah, this is, this is Jarman S.L. This is a green cream if ever have seen. Yeah. Yeah it's a pretty nice place huh gang? Yeah it's lovely. You guys from by the way. I haven't seen you around here before. I'm from inside of Mountain. It's on a mountain. Yeah it's

strong. I earned deep. Oh I don't know where that is. Have you heard? Yeah we're from Bahumia. Oh yeah we're from parallel universe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's no loop. Mortal plane is a little derogatory, but yeah, that's where we're from. What do you call a larpa? The Feywild? Oh my god.

Oh, wait, when you call it? No, it's just that we call it the gnomew. Oh, okay, I like that better. I like the sound. Yeah, embrace it. Own it. What's your deal? Me.

We're going to find out tonight. Oh, I'm from the creek. Yeah, embrace it own it. What's your deal? We're gonna find out tonight. Oh, I'm from the creek. Oh, I met just like in general, like what's your deal? Oh, oh my. You know, I'm just sort of, I'm very fertile. I got to put that out for all my partners. I got to put a little more.

Yeah, that's sweet, sweet, sweet. I don't know if I'm messing or looking for that. But, you know, I'm also just like, I'm living life. I've been engaged many times, but I've never been a wife. You know? You know what, that's normal in the normal, baby. Yeah. You know?

We're all always at fiancee, never the bride. Yeah. But choice. Maybe we could change that tonight, huh? Ha, ha, ha. I mean, I'll take on another fiance, but I ain't taking that leap. You see the gnomes take you to a little area of town. The houses start to get smaller.

There is a little gnome district where there are more gnomes and goblins and fairies that aren't total assholes. Are the honey goblins or just normal goblins? Normal goblins. The honey goblins were like... Are they milk goblins? They're not milk goblins are just normal goblins. Normal goblins, the honey goblins were like, are they milk goblins? They're not milk goblins.

They do have like, they are more like colorful than goblins that you would see in Bohumia, instead of being like green or gray, or like dark blue or something like that. These have like brighter colors, colors like they're like purple and red. Skittle goblins. Skittle goblins as they are.

Ooh. So the gnomes take you to a little tavern called the Nightcap. And you see that there's... Nightfrizz in there, little tavern. You have to bend bound, but you can certainly fit in. You see a swinging wood sign with a little gnome face with a cone cap and it's got a crescent moon and stars on it. And you see a Bigin walks over.

It pulls out a little set of keys, and unlocks the door, and opens the door. And you see the gnomes go, all right, let's have a drink. I'm excited to have anything that's not honey. They all charge in. And you see Bigin goes, come on, gang. All right, let's do it. Let's do it.

I think the charm of the city is helping me get rid of some of my preconceived Nomshunds and they work. Oh, yeah, we come from a different world. Yeah, I got to be honest big and I have met some very deceitful Noms in my time I mean we like to pull pranks Do you guys like to pull pranks? They know we do Pranks and and and Murder we've got some their murderers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're murderous We do pranks and murder.

We've got some nerve murderers. Yeah, yeah. Their murderers, they'll turn on you. And actual Ken and episodes, have you met gnomes that are murderers? Yes. Yeah, really? Yeah, we've tried to work with some

and then they backstabbed us. Did they murder someone? I don't know if they murdered anyone, but they had murderers intent to be sure. Yeah, they did, they backstabbed us. Yeah. And they froze to others. What did they did. They backstabbed us. Yeah. And they froze to others. What did they do? And then what did you do to them?

Listen, it's been a while. I don't entirely remember, but I do know that we put our faith in them and they turned their little gnome backs on us. Oh, you are showing me. Send up in the comments. Cool. Yeah, well, you guys saved us, so I'm just gonna hook you guys up with some drinks, and if you guys wanna stay, we got some rooms upstairs. That's cool too.

Yeah, cool. How big of bed do you have here? It doesn't seem like we're gonna get too big of bed. You can get a big bed here, it's pretty magical. We eat those, they're pretty magical. Thank goodness. Okay. Well, I raise a glass and I say to new beginnings.

To new beginnings. Yeah, let's raise a glass once we get inside, huh? Sounds good. We're gonna get to you. We're gonna get to you. Yeah, outside. I raised the flask and then realized I'm about to go into his bar with outside liquor.

Yeah, so I try and pocket it. Yeah, you see there's just like one of the nomes is like, I'm actually the bouncer here. If you could not bring that in, that'd be great. Yeah, I'm gonna have to search your bag. I put it in the bag. Yeah, try try searching the bag a hold Okay, I don't have to do this you see big and my pulls you back Really weirdly hostile folks, but they saved our lives

Banzers have such a complex Valnor is just giving them the shark eyes. We have a heart exterior. Don't worry. We're honey soft inside So you guys enter the nightcap. Don't talk about honey. Oh, sorry. Oh, geez. Get the honey. Oh, oh, God.

Can't shake it. You guys enter the nightcap, and you see inside is a nightclub, quite literally a nightclub. You see, as it opens, this room is like a magical, so it expands. So hard one, you need to like duck to get in, moonshine you need duck to get in. Once you're in there, it is so much bigger.

It is. It's TARDIS rules. Yes, huge room. There is a glass floor, and underneath it, an endless night sky full of glittering stars. Occasionally you'll see one shooting across the floor. The club itself is dark, but there are floating white yellow warps that look like stars, music

thumps, and the lights thrum in sync with it. The gnomes lead you over to the bar. They leave the door open so that like other patrons can come in and stuff. Right now it's just you guys and the gnomes, super excited, everybody's ready. They're like, take this, I'll take this kind of portion, I'll take this. Give me a flying portion, give me a healing portion, I'll take this. We got to the bar really early. Yeah, exactly.

That's cute and amazing. So they rush over to the bar. Is it happy hour? Oh yeah, big and gets behind the bar. He's like, for you guys, you're drinking on moon. Do you have anything in a collector's mug? Hell yeah. I've got a collector's mug for you.

Okay, whatever comes in that. You see, he pounds a mug down in front of you. Does like a little flick of his arcane wrist? You see it instantly fills up with L and he goes pound that buddy. Yes, sir. I do it Go ahead and make costumes saving throw because you're just a boy I'm serving minors. That's a one. I'm gonna rule that Be immune to alcohol. Oh, I'll say you'll have resistance to it. You can go with advantage.

Ooh. That's another one. Don't get to re-roll one's multiple times? No, just one. Okay, so. But you get it with advantage, so roll a second time. Okay, so here's what happened. I rolled a one, I re-rolled that, I rolled a 15,

and then I rolled a one. So you got a 15. Yeah, okay. And then constitution is 017. Okay, Bev pounds a beer like a champ. He gives you this souvenir mug. It looks like a gnome face, and it's got a top that's like a little gnome hat.

With the cone hat, a little night cap. Like a tanker? Yeah, it's a tanker. Oh, Ron, Erlin is gonna love this. You push it open, you down the beer, you place it down, instantly fills back up with ale. This is an endless tanker to ale.

Okay, wow. It's a long night, Bev, so you just take it nice and easy. All right, do I have to chug this one? Let's get the kid drunk. This is the eternal question. Now, would hard one need two still, even though it's endless. I'll have to, that's exactly what I would.

You guys want something fancy? What's your deal? Looks at Moonshine. to. That's exactly what it would. You guys want something fancy? What's your deal? Looks at Moonshine. Wow, he's single me out. Yeah, well, you know. I kind of like it a lot, because you're putting that there. You look like in a last drink,

but you're different. It's kind of cool. Anyway. What's the, what's the, what's like the nom drink? Nom drink? Yeah, like what? You know, really like all different kinds of stuff. I'll give you something I think you're gonna think

a lot of fun. Okay, yeah. I like it. You think you know me already? Fun little test. You see he puts his mouth on this like little vial of blue smoke, sucks it all in, and then picks up a little vial of yellow smoke, blows his mouth into it, turns into a little vial of green smoke. He pours it into this drink. You see there's this like little red potion that combines with this green smoke. He pours it into this drink. You see there's this little red potion that combines with this green smoke. And he hands it to you, Mojang.

Bev clocks the sea rating from the health board on the wall. I'm letting, how old are your kids? That means his place is cool. I huff it up in one huff. Okay, you start to huff it up. You inhale and the smoke fills your cheeks and he goes, now think about anything that you want to crew it with the smoke ring. I want to create a little runway. So Bob, Bob, can have a little fashion show on a little runway in the club so that I can have a facet.

So Moonshine, you exhale and this little, not a red carpet, but like what would be a red carpet of smoke unravels from your mouth and makes this smoke carpet. And you see Papa looks at Biggin, rare. And he goes, girl,, grrr, good. Wait, I need one more. I need one more from you right now.

He goes and makes you another one. And he has to. And I blow out some little outfits for Papa. You get like a nice little smoke scarf for Papa that goes over his neck. And Papa stretches stuff on the runway, rare, rare, rare, rare. He walks along the magic smoke, and you see the nooms are all cheering.

Cameron loves you. Oh, I love the noom folk now. They showed love to my baby. Let's get the possum drunk. Why are you looking for a bad, I like to see you hard one. You know, I like an upper. Or a okay. Yeah, something like a vodka Red Bull

Sure, sure sure This is gonna look weird But I'm gonna make something that I think we're gonna like Trust him cuz I love what he made me okay. Yeah, but I'll mean hey, you're talking to the honey man here All right, if you know somebody. They just has our can I'll do that too. I don't know what that is okay forget it I he gets down. I was asking for Balnor. I see he gets down. I look judgmentally at Balnor He gets down and he starts furiously doing push ups So do I you get down you also start doing push ups. He goes like oh this will actually be less gross

He goes over he takes a bar towel. He wipes a bunch of sweat from your back He goes over, he takes a bar towel, he wipes a bunch of sweat from your back. He takes it, he rings it out, he puts it over a potion vial, he mixes it with this blue potion, and then he mixes it with his red potion, and he gives you this little purple drink in this little cocktail glass.

Cool. So yeah, I feel after that one, buddy. See you guys tomorrow. Alieu, you take it, it works like a potion of cloud giant strength, your strength shoots up to 27, Oh, hell yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, hell yeah.

Oh, hell yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, hell yeah.

Oh, hell yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, hell yeah.

Oh, hell yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, hell yeah. You said it was a club, but this I'm feeling like Corbin energy right now. You're making me forget them dry ads. Oh, Balnor, you want to take a lap? Yeah, can I can I get the same thing? That's true both of you all need to take it and then work the runway. Oh, shit Bound or a little bit of Bound or Pound toy back Bound or it gets just so fucking fit like Bound or looks like or pound toyed back, Bound or gets just so fucking thin. Like Bound or looks like one of those world strongest men, guys just with the power gut and just enormous arm,

he's just busting out of his arm for a little bit. Yeah. What? Why am I gross? Why am I gross and I do it? Can I also get one of those so we can just do like a beefy run walk? Yeah.

Okay. Gives it to you. Puffs you up. Gives you on a bev. Bev's all buffed up. All right. That looks ridiculous. You have no neck now.

That's my head's the same size, but I have a human body now. Just enormous pecs. I want to have a really like intimidating eight pack. God, we're like a deviant art page. How long does this last for? Just an hour. Oh, okay. Our hard one is devastated. Do you,, how long does this last for? Just an hour. Oh, okay. Our hard one is devastated.

Do you, why can't you give me the one to go? Yeah, I'm gonna say we got a flask, no offense. You got it. I'll give you guys a couple of things on your way out. Is anyone super evil within an hour of here? Oh, yeah. Okay, just get the dough. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know what sort of neighborhood politics y'all got going on, but if you got like maybe like a mafia kingpin you want us to rough up we could always do that Yeah, honestly, I haven't been too involved in the local Politics because I've been a honey goblin for like six months Sure, so I just can't have my business back honestly, dude. I just came here to dance Like we're gonna thrash so hard now that we're our strength is so high. Oh my god yeah. Yeah, that's the case like prodigy. Like put on like something insane. Oh, does it feel justice? It's gonna play it more. Yeah, blue Monday. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do

Yeah, blue Monday How does it feel like this as this bar filled out? Yeah So after like a little bit you see that there are like some goblins and some trolls and some other gnomes and stuff come in Being good to see that you're open again More people come in I shout from the dance floor. Yeah, we saved them, no big deal. What I'm big and send another one my way. We're in the center of the dance floor, right? Yeah. Bev is doing that like super sweaty teen dance

that teens do at Bar Mitzfos. We're like, they're all kind of dancing in a circle and like freaking out. Ha ha ha. Just like so, so like ripped. And you just have so many emotions going through right now. So much weird testosterone. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mojana is getting so low and she's like all, like thrusting hit. Hard one, my balls went back up, is that normal? I'm like doing like, I'm doing like, I'm doing like, it's good. It's better than normal, it's good. And then like, grind in the ground. And then doing like sort of like the lizard pose

where like one leg is up and then grind in the ground. Oh you're like doing the cry baby. Yeah. Founders like, even less flexible than usual. He's just like so ripped. He's trying to take a wide stance. He just can't. Oh no it hurts. It hurts to be me. I keep him propped. You guys see after a bit there are more and more people filling into the club and you do see a crew of hobgoblins enter You know hobgoblins to be more militaristic and intelligent than normal goblins These ones have red skin and black hair tied up in knots and long on the sides. I like this vibe Yeah, yeah, they're wearing plate mail. It's sort of mismatched looks like there's some kind of warriors But probably not from a single kingdom. There are five of them and they plop down at the bar.

Okay, I've got a taste for these small folk at this point so I'm just like going over. I'm like, what's it called when you do like the little train dance? Oh, the concolla. The concolla? Yeah, I'm like doing a little concoline over there way, being like, get in on this. I pour my endless challenge. No, I pour my endless tanker into each of their cups. Yeah.

I had my eyes shut on the dance floor, thinking that Moonshot was right in front of me. So I have not, I've... Ha ha ha. I put my fist really hard, open my eyes and just go on. You go and you pour a beer for those guys, and those guys go, I like that. You know how to get around paying the bartender. Yeah, I love beer. Do you guys like beer? We love beer. My name's Daz by the way. I'm a paladin so I shouldn't be able to get drunk

But like I've had a lot of beer and you're you're fully a kid man. No, I'm buff. I'm an adult. I'm a big adult man Me as just like I work so hard. I'll like never take down to myself. And tonight is about me. It's about dancing, it's about cutting loose. It's just like one of those things where you're like way drunker than the people you're talking to. Yeah, totally.

I scream. I'm just like, what? I scream, this is self-care. And then I break a table and have. Oh my god, I start crying. And I'm like, you're right. I'm just so scared. Okay, don't cry.

You know what, you say, you're scared. And I'm like, you're right. Okay, don't cry. Hey, you know what? You gotta say, you gotta hear me. Big and walks over to a hard one. And Bal no one goes, let's beat my chest. Do you guys wanna go upstairs? Yeah, we gotta go to the room. The little drug didn't go in the room. Yeah, get a free room for you guys.

Okay. Cause we got the kids down here. He's breaking tables. Okay. I need chicken. We have chicken Yeah, we got chicken. We're gonna send some fruit up. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, we're gonna go We're gonna go up there and rally all right You're gonna send some food up. I go behind the bar. Okay, so I'm gonna help you

Thing is I actually know how to cook pretty well, so I actually probably help you I've got some snacks up my sleeve. I can increase your yelp ratings in one night. Um, uh, Bruin Shine, I know you're, why don't you just have some water? And why don't you just go upstairs for a minute. We're giving you a free room. You just take a quick power nap, hard one pivot and walks out back under the dance floor.

I love you, I love you, I love you. Bruin Shine sees hard water, it's like that looks fun and then she goes out and dances more. You go back out of the dance floor. I love your music. I love giant seas hard one. It's like that looks fun and then she goes out and dances more. You go back out on the dance floor. I scream at Balanar. Balanar, talk to the hobgoblins. They seem like they have pertin information. You see Balanar goes, all right. Mostly just been drinking white russians, so I'm not that sure.

Just really gassy. Yeah. Oh, I actually need the bathroom. Where's the bathroom? He has a beacon where the bathroom is. Oh, Balanore's the milk boy today. Balanore goes relieve himself, and then he joins the Hobgoblins at the bar. What do you guys do?

I guess I will. I probably have like, sweat out some of my drinks. I come back to the Hobgoblins, and I say, hey, sorry for the, you know, Y'all know, y'all look like a military folk y'all know about working too hard playing too hard that sort of dichotomy you caught me at the playing too hard moment but here I am sweat out a bit of my mischief and hey we're between jobs we're just trying to relax here you know okay awesome I know how it is what jobs do we between because we are

actually from the mortal plane and we're just trying to, you know, get our bearings. Or a plane, really. You don't catch a lot of people from there. I know, that's why I led with it. I thought it was kind of an interesting tip. That is interesting. What's your deal? My deal? Yeah.

I mean, I'm doing well in the Feywild. I might as well just stay here. It's just a little goblin. Well, I mean, I'm into the small folk now. They have a good lifestyle. My deal right now is primarily I am interested in finding that young and I point over at Beverly who's probably a humping a table that he broke.

I think I've got a torta at this point. So I'm going like, I'm on the floor munching a torta. Beverly's eating a torta. You can tell that the innards of the torta have fallen out on his lap. I'm just the floor munching a tortilla. Beverly is eating a tortilla. You can tell that the innards of the tortilla have fallen out on his lap. I'm not seeing it. Okay, Megan's running over there. Oh, Rorco. I'm holding the plate, giving Mochina bad thumbs up.

At this point, Balnor is pounding bud heavies. And he's starting to get a little wild. So who wants to arm wrestle me? Which one of you have, Collins? What's the arm wrestle? The good chili mad deal is that I'm trying to find this young and father and we're on a bit of a trek. And it's basically, it's taken us in the direction

of the unceiling. I'm curious if y'all at free spiral have had a deal with the unceiling. Cause I think we might be in for some trickery. Yeah, we actually, yeah, we work with the unceiling from time to time. I mean, technically, you're sort of a mercenary. Yeah, we actually, yeah, we work with the unceil-y from time to time. I mean, technically. Oh, you're sort of mercenary. Yeah, we're mercenary, yeah.

I see, see. What kind of worker they send in y'all out for? Hey, you know, a little of this, a little of that. They've been short on manpower recently ever since they sent a bunch of troops to go deal with the ceil-y over in the summer court. Why? Why would they be deal?

I don't mean to be insensitive, but the ceil-y are currently frozen, doesn't seem to need to be dealt with. No, well that's exactly the point. So it's just kind of open season over there now. They got a bunch of frozen halfling nights. Can't do anything. Winter at Lager and can't hold the city by themselves. So... Oh, Malora, that is petty! So just to give you guys kind of a timeline based on your geography, you guys are up in the spring court, which is up near where Frostwin would be on the

material plane. South of you is the ocean that you guys spent several days crossing in your airship the first time you went up to Frostwin. Then to the east is the summer court where later on is in the material plane and where the green nights are frozen in the Feywild. So for the unceilig Fey, to get from the winter court in the West, to the summer court in the East, to attack Queen Cerilla, you can deduce that it would probably take them six

or seven days. So that's pretty soon considering how far away you guys are from both. Well, shit, y'all. I mean, this sort of begs the question, what do we do? I mean, do we try to go defend the Sealy from the Unsealy or do we go to the Unsealy to try to stop the root of the problem

and maybe try to pay off these mercenaries to go defend the Sealy for us out of our shallow sad pockets? What would your rate be for defending a city? I mean, you're talking about the Unsealy army, so that's, you know, thousands of troops. We can't get thousands. So there are thousands of soldiers marching on the Seely Army. Yeah.

I mean, there, what are there to like, I don't know, like 50,000, 100,000 guys. That makes it very bad. That's bad. We have to go straight to the Unseely and see what you break the curse. Yeah, but we should send in, we should send an animal messenger to Cran and Dirland to be like,

like, what are y'all thinking? Or do y'all need a night's sleep before we talk about this? Why don't we talk about it as we're falling asleep in one tiny little bit? Oh, that's so cute! Oh, that's so cute! We know I'm just gonna start talking about like, what are y'all like really? Like, what is happiness to y'all?

Yeah, that's cool. So, big and walks up to you guys and he goes, you guys calling it a night? Yeah, I'm starting to get hungover already. Yeah, we just get a bunch of apps sent up to our room. Yeah, I can do that. You see, he gives you... We don't need pillows, we'll use apps as pillows.

He gives you a tray that's like a room service tray and he shows you that Anytime you open it there's new food there. Whoa, so open it. There's lobster Open it massively, so there's just yeah slide off Slide off, but he brings you guys up to the room And you guys see that the room is exactly like the bar It just looks like you're out in space. Like the way that you would see,

you know, like the walls of an aquarium is just like glass and then you can see the water and everything. It's that, but space. So there's that on all four sides of the room. And there's one big bed sitting in the middle of the room of this just insane space room. Yeah, wow, yeah.

One big bed. We have trolls here sometimes, sorry. One space bed. One space bed. One big one. We have trolls here sometimes, sorry. One space bed. One space bed. One space bed. One space bed. I jump in the middle.

You guys all get into the center. So you guys all get in a bed and settle down for the night? I'll line my back and then I'm like, okay. It's time to talk. It's time to have some sleep over deep talks. I giggle a little bit. What? What are we going to do? Are we going to try and do something? Are we going to try and out-fay the fay, or are we just going to go on some sort of offensive?

Well, we are in a court full of gnomes that are great at tricks. Maybe we should ask their opinion in the morning and see if we can get some potions that would help us in that regard. This is wonderful thinking. Yeah. All right, now what's everyone's favorite song? I like sunflower by Ghost Malone. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ghost Malone.

It's sunflower! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Sweet, so you guys all go to sleep for the night. You fall asleep under the glow of stars. Yeah, because we're really, really full. Yeah, I've got the spins and I can't tell if it's because I'm drunk or because the room is starlight and clouds on all sides.

It's a little, I think it's a little bit both. I did have 12 bud heavies though. So it looks like you called one up from the magical broom service point too. Is there a bowler? Is there a bowler? Is there a bathroom? Do you guys think I could just go

and I was just falling to space? So P towards that moon. You think so? I know. I don't think so. What you're on the inside of the bed, you should really be outside. I'm not gonna do it in the bed.

I'm gonna try to do it in the room though. You wanna be, okay, who wants to, you see, the bowler is a little bit drunk and he stands up. Who wants to bet that if I just go on the floor right now, it'll fall into space. I say it does. I say it does, it does. Let's bet.

What do you think? Oh, I'll back up Balnor, why not? Okay, and you see, you see, you see, you see, Papa, Joyan's bev and Balnor goes, Rian, Rian, Rian, Rian. Papa, what is this?

You're so fierd, democratic. Privilege. Rian, Rere, Rere. Papa, what is this use of your democratic privilege? Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere. Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere, Rere Okay, he turns around I was already turned around you mean you want me to turn around and watch Oh, no, sorry, I'm a stomach sleeper Go back around go back around Bound or relieves himself and he goes it's going it's going. It's falling into space. It's falling into space What oh and there's a just little bound or turd just blow it off? You fucking you didn't even just piss, you shit.

You did, you did, what did you think of? What did you think of, what did you think of, did it? The absolute dad man, you did it. I can't believe you, this is so cool. I'm glad it's floating away, but I can't smell it. Yeah, that is true. How about that? He gets back in bed.

Aliens will discover that. Why you bet, Liens? Yeah, just because you should have been white. I'm from the crack and we at least wipe there. We take a we don't wipe a thick. Are you kidding me? We take a thick piece of bark and we go at it. I what you think I don't have wipes in the bag.

Oh, yes, I used them. I use them. You can't even wipe through the mithril armor. You have what you love and put the way away. They're in a package. You go to a grocery store. You buy some wet wipes. You buy some food.

They can be in the same bag. It's fine. I don't tell Boundor this, but I'm very close to taking the bag. It's sealed. I open up that magical tribe for another fucking drink. It's that much as a hard Martina on the rocks. Nightcap.

Nightcap indeed. I just noticed that what we thought were sliders were actually nomish hamburgers. Y'all, that's so funny. That's so cute. I love these nom vogue now. Now we're gonna go back to Bahumia and I'm gonna come with open arms for these nomes and then the nomes of Bahumia and I'm gonna like come with like open arms for these gnomes and then the gnomes of Bahumia

Are gonna fuck me over. Don't think about that right now. Don't think about that. As we're drifting off, I think you know what actually that thrifty schwifty is the reason we have balknor so maybe gnomes are so bad Huh really makes you Instantly pass out balknor is snoring so loud because he had so many drinks. Just a real bad start. I just keep whipping the, I just keep grabbing the pillow off. Can I do a medicine check to see if I put a breather. It's pretty hot.

That's a 20 nice. Yeah, you successfully get Boundore to stop snoring. But a breather I straight on his nose. And he starts breathing normally unrestricted. Perfect. Do we get extra HP because of how good a night's sleep we get? Yeah. No.

We get a bonus. We each get a bonus plus one to our AP for the day. So he's plus just one? Yeah. You all won HP for the day? We all won. I'm trying to have a good night's sleep. Sure.

One 10-B HP. Everybody had one 10-B HP for the day. I'm having a good night's late show. One 10 BHP, everybody had one 10 BHP. Hell yeah. So you guys get in your eight hours in this nice starry room. And after eight hours, you see Bigin shows up with another tray. And he goes, hey, I got another tray of breakfast food here.

Bigin, you all have to get this good garabas. Hey, you know, we believe in hospitality. This is a here. Biggest open that should up. It's good, give us. Hey, you know, we believe in hospitality. This is a trip. This is a trip. I open the train. I open the train. It's got eggs and sausage and bacon.

Oh, sorry. I didn't trust you, man. I thought you were a prank. This is the best hospitality anyone has shown us in our entire travel. Hey, where's your help? You help us out. So we get our beer out.

Well, where it come from? The Crick. We are all about hospitality. It is our fucking modus operandi. And here you are, a shining example of it. Hey, you know what? Here in FreeSpyer, where we are? We take care of you.

Small guy, big heart. I get the name now. Yeah. Thanks guys. Oh wow, it's beans on toast. Yeah. It's a full no-mish. Beans on toast. Okay.

Some things to work on. So, wait, where are you guys planning on heading? I know you're not from around here. Are you guys planning on sticking around for a while or? Yeah, we actually want to talk to you about that. Yeah. Yeah. Wish we could stick around, but.

Okay. Um, I want to know if I have your confidence. Yeah, I won't tell if I have your confidence. Yeah, I won't tell anybody anything. We are trying not to align ourselves with fake politics, although we may have somewhat metal with the free folk politics, but that aside, that aside. We did a minor genocide.

Oh, the fairy's up on free fairy mountains. So those fairies to you are what the gnomes are to us in our rule. Yeah. Anyway, they probably just came to themselves as long as they're there. Yeah, I agree with that. We're going to say that. Yeah. So basically, basically, I have a breakfast break.

So basically, I need to ask y'all, we are not trying to pick sides with a ceiling, the unceilier. Any of that kind of business, however we have some friends whose children have been frozen by the dalliances of the unceilic court. Right. Can we go to the unceilic court under false pretenses? I could give you some potions to make you look like goblins or something. That would be...

Could you hook us up, please, kind sir. Look at that. Definitely. I had to. Yes. And I appreciate, again, I appreciate your confidence. Yeah. Thank you. It's my people. They've been cursed by the unceiling. We have to do something. You're friends on the summer court?

Exactly. Yeah. I hold up the iron pendant. Mm. And we heard that the unceiling is marching on the summer court? Exactly. Yeah. I hold up the iron pendant. Mm. And we heard that the, the unceil-y is marching on the ceiling right now. Do you think the fastest way to stop them is to go straight to the unceil-y court? I don't think anybody's going to stop them. You think that, yeah.

Right. But we can't take that. We can't take that army on our own. Our instinct is to try to Stem the problem where it is originating from which is the unceiligore try to be a little more surgical as opposed to a buzzsaw approach Thank you, that was so to sing the way you just condensed that I have my my speech I have my speeching I have my speeching

The astral bathroom I think it's a puke Oh, you just go anywhere it just falls into space see I told you It wipes for you to it's like a bidet star does just goes up there. Okay, see, it only has to wipe. You said you did wipe. Yeah, actually is using one of those wet wipes. Is that going to clog up the galaxy? Oh, you can't throw those in space those old like run into a star I finally Give us a basket

I take the bucket from Belgnart what you're abusing it there It is nice though as the way you were acted with that potion man. You've called so many tuna sandwiches and butt-haves up here Did you really need to call to live man? I was a card. I was a goddamn card At least at least get it to the melt. Have you read a tuna man? I don't have any fucking steak in this At least get it to the melt. Have you read it to the melt? I don't have any fucking steak in this. Just falling you guys around, dragging you around doing chest compressions.

Let me have a goddamn butt heavy. Bound or? Give your dad a damn butt heavy. I want you to give it to me. Bound or? Bound or? What? Have you had a tuna steak?

One with some soy sauce, and that shit soy sauce and ginger on it. Incredible, some sesame seeds on the side. I'd get a tuna steak for him. Awesome, yeah, you are. Rare in the middle. You just really concentrate and think of a tuna steak and you pull open the platter.

There's a tuna steak there. Bound or instantly cuts into it, grabs a butt heavy, pours himself a nice glass with it. Pear's really well, it's delicious. nice glass with it. It pairs really well. It's delicious. Okay. Definitely with the sushi chef was planning. Ha ha ha ha.

Okay. Yeah, you want to hook us up with some potions, Biggin? Yeah, I can give you guys some potions and just a heads up, it's probably going to take you guys like six or seven days to get across the ocean to the summer or the winter court and based on the mercenaries timeline, that sounds pretty tight. That's a pretty short window. I pull four butt heavies out of the platter.

Let's crack these open and go to the on-sealie court. Okay, yeah. That's what my gut says. My gut says that that's what we need to do. You gotta go with your gut. And my gut is roiling from all of the sliders in torteaux I.A. So you see, honestly, you mostly is roiling from all of the sliders in tortoise IA So you see honestly you mostly ate the bread most of the film fell out

I see big and big and goes I mean other your guys my life so if you need a boat you can borrow my boat You had a boat? Yeah, I got a little boat. Oh wow Is that gonna help us get there a little quicker? No, it'll just help you get there period great because Okay, cool. Great, because you gotta go across the air. I'm pretty good at driving ships. It's kind of like a little gnome party boat, but it can hold like 14 or 15 gnome, so you guys will just kind of like sail your head

to be kind of fun. Oh, there's a little party boat. Like a little pontoon? Yeah. Doesn't have a sound system. So how ya, dude? All right, Biggin. Yeah.

I just want to thank you for your hospitality, and I give him a real wet smooch. Oh shit. Yeah, Biggin. Yeah. I just wanna thank you for your hospitality, and I give him a real wet smooch. Oh shit, yeah, you guys make out. So you guys, No, it's not a make out. I give him like a wet smooch that leaves him wanting more, and then I'm like, thank you. Until we meet again.

Yeah, for real. I put my arm around Balfour and turn him around. Wow, why does she like him so much? We kinda look similar. Yeah, he's got like a little handlebar mustache. He is, Bigin is like a little cooler guy. He's like a little hipster guy. But also Bigin has really shown up with the hospitality.

Yeah, Bigin, may I, may I scoop you? Yeah, am I right? That's fun. I scoop Bigin and I give give my kiss on the lips. He makes out with you briefly. Whoa, all right. I thought we were doing it. Oh, that's cool.

I thought we were going for it. So we made it go. Come on, live it up. I'm glad somebody got fresh to the color of it. I give him a handshake. Sorry, I'm tearing. Yeah, that's okay, you're super young. I guess also that. Yeah, it's problematic. Yeah, a lot of reasons, a lot of factors. Yeah, that's okay, you're super young. I guess also that.

Yeah, it's problematic. Yeah, a lot of reasons, a lot of factors. Yeah, it's okay. But you too, looks a bit hard on moonshine. Either you comes back in town, say what's up. Yeah, no, for real. I mean, we gotta return the boat, right? I put a business card in the fish bowl

to see if we'll get free drinks next time. Ooh, you can drink for free anytime you come by. Okay, yeah, free lunch. I put a business card in the fish bowl to see if we'll get free drinks next time Yeah, you guys drink for free anytime you come back. Yeah free lunch See you guys see big and takes you guys downstairs. It makes us a couple potions for you gives you guys Four purple potions you guys take these and you will look like moon goblins for 24 hours tell me about moon goblins because if I'm gonna go in there pretending I'm a moon goblin I'm gonna have to know a little bit. Get a walk the walk. Okay, think of them as like gnomes But with like bad luck just real low status of that match son. That's gonna be a real hard pull for me. So how do you get how do you endear someone if you're low status? Goblins tend to just kind of worship the people above them people in power

So we're just like super ask us. Yeah, you're gonna be like minions Essentials just pedants. Yeah, okay. Yeah, and What do they want to get approval money? Get the money get the money like that Okay guys is kind of give me terrible flashbacks. I'll fucking with you man. I'll just call you like Briggs. I do, I do.

It's watching down a little clapp of money on. Good man, good man. So can you point us towards your boat? Yeah, so he throws you some keys, he goes, so it's kind of a little steampunk looking boat. It's got little motors and propellers. You guys, it sticks out, you'll see a... Bev has never heard of steampunk, and you say the word,

and he's like, that sounds kind of cool. That's pretty dark. Steampunk, huh? There's gonna be some platform dock martens on this boat for you to try out. The Craig for sure invented steampunk. So Moon Shines just like, yeah, steampunk, yeah. Whoa.

It's where you find an abandoned car and you make some art from it. Bed finds a hat with goggles. He's like, does this, this is work? That's good. You like this? What about this, like, what do you guys think if I start carrying like a revolver, like a musket?

Hold on. That's kind of cubs. That'd be awesome because honestly, we haven't been traveling with any Rangers and I've got this spell that I really want to win a chance a Ranger it's called like a flaming something yeah um uh that's a great question big and do you have a gun for our dad so you want me to just get your dad a gun good you have well you give a dad a gun that's like of equal strength to what he's wielding. Oh yeah, why not?

Well you, yes that'd be awesome. Yeah, I got something in the safe. Now hold on, now hold on. I started to be the green team in the room but he needs to take a safety and certification course first and then we can go on the boat with our gun dad. Okay, I got time for a safety and certification. I'm assuming that takes about 20 minutes.

Yeah, it's just the video. The unceilier has killed the entire ceiling court. Bigin takes about an hour. He goes down to this little safe. He pulls out this little like flint lock pistol thing. And he teaches Balnor how to use it. Balnor now has a little gun. Does he try and spin it around?

Oh yeah, he shoots it off into space. Whoa, can do that. Easy there, easy there. You shot your shit. Balnor, where'd it go? All right, he shoots it off into space. Whoa, can do that. Easy there, easy there. You shot your shit. Down there. Way to go. All right, let's get on this boat. Yeah, let's get absolutely.

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You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay, that's it for me, go team pants, and enjoy the show. You all say you're goodbye to Big In and the Nomes and travel down to the docks of free spire. They're easy to find. You just head towards the ocean. There are many boats, sleek, elven boats with ornate architecture of various sizes, and you also see very strange vessels, these beasts, big whales, and to wake and see turtles just like waiting there. He said dragon, the dog.

No, not a dragon turtle. I have animal friendship stocked. You can try to steal a boat, if you'd like. But can I try and steal one of these turtles? A turtle to shuttle us? Do you want to cast animal friendship on a turtle? Yeah, because it's a fucking last for 24 hours. I can keep casting and I'll get going and cast it.

Uh, choose a beast you can see within range. It must see and hear you. The beast's intelligence is four or higher the spell fails. It's intelligence is higher than four certainly. In fact, you walk over to it and it goes, oh hey, how you doing there? I'm waiting for my friends to come back. Okay, we should beat it. Choose it. Choose it. Well, I might not even need a spell.

You know what? I'll give you a shot. Hey, I'm going on a holy righteous conquest. Okay. And I'll love to enlist your Lembert Lins. Well, I am a boat. Yeah? I'm supposed to stay with the Eladron that brought me here. Have you ever thought that your life had more meaning than just ferrying an Eladron around?

Yeah, I don't think we should steal boats from the Eladron. I'm just gonna let this guy be. Maybe true. I'm gonna go to one of those like little like candy candy dispensers for Seat creatures like ducks and fish. Yeah, I've really ducks and fish and just like feed it and then like Yeah, all the puntings if Mooshine's morality detector says that's a bad idea. I'm gonna trust that

I say yeah, you guys find Bigin's boat. It's this little speed boat with a motor and two big propellers on the back. There's a bubble that protects the driver and the passengers, but that opens up. As soon as you guys get close with the key, you see the runes glow. You can all fit in because it's meant to hold a bunch of gnomes. It looks relatively simple to operate. There's a keyhole and a little gear stick. Technically, we should take a certifish. we should take a sort of who's driving the boat I'm driving the boat

The wheel is so teeny in your hands You're driving a go-kart. Wait, is it so cute? Can hard one teach me how to drive? Yeah, so you just sort of jiggle the room. Okay. There you go. Okay Ten and two yeah really high-noon baby. I sit in his lap This hand goes out the window, just like that. Just like that. We do. We do like that.

So you guys travel into the beautiful pristine clear sea. When you look off into the distance, it looks blue. But all around you, it's like completely clear. The weather is perfect. It is a spring day. You guys probably lower the bubble and you guys are... Bubble down, see air in your hair. You got the see air in your hair.

Every day I'm casting good berry, and every day we're getting a bunch of good berries. So you guys are sailing southwest towards where you know the winter court to be. This trip is going to take several days, so you're needing to kind of put it on autopilot and rest. We drag a little net behind us to see if we can catch any crawfish.

Ooh! Yeah, go ahead and roll for. Oh, I don't trust it. No, I don't want to roll for. What you catch? All right. So I guess in. I got an 18.

What do I add to it? Like nature? 21. 21. Okay. So you guys kind of like put it on autopilot and have it just going south You guys all go to bed you wake up in the morning and there are Murfolk in your net like

Insectoid looking fish people but with the heart food. I'm gonna have a little more. I'm trying to get half a bad story for sure. So the word mood, John. I understand hard one and I respect your hunter spirit, but I cut him free. We've gotta eat. You got it.

But we'll find other things to eat. You guys see, as you guys are traveling for days and days, you have runnens with so much fable shit. You are called to by like sirens on islands of rock. You know, you just kind of like roll the windows up and you don't listen. You keep going. Well, hard one swim straight for the rock. I have to be physically restrained.

And then I have to cast charm person on hard one to get them to not follow the sirens call. Yep. I can't just like, guys, your boat boat is so cool you should come over here. Hard left. Hard left. John person, animal friendship, everything I have on my phone. I was saying, my dad, bye. You guys see various like Murfolk cities and stuff like under the sea because the sea is all clear. I see giant. Quick, quick, quick, huddle up. I want to explore a murphy city. I bring it underwater.

I have a spell that y'all can breathe underwater. Normally you know I am the first one to be down for this bull honky but my daddy is in big trouble. I know our timeline is so stringent. It's very tight. Okay, I go underwater and I leave a note with my number on it It's just like instantly the the paper gets so wet It gets so soggy you see a more folk grabs it and reads it Would they would they call her even if it wasn't There's no way that you guys don't have numbers.

All of this is nonsense. I was speaking stuff. I'm you guys see that there are these like, giant porous sea sponges and coral turned into little rooms and homes and like various buildings and stuff in their little Murphoke cities. I love it. All lit up under the sea.

Yeah, you see a bunch of Murphoke wave to you. It is so hard to just be passing the ship. So after a few days, you see on this little clockwork navigation device that's in the boat that you're about halfway to your destination, but go ahead and give me a perception check. 17. One is worth that, 11.

19. Okay, so none of you guys feel this until it gets pretty close. This thing is swimming deep deep in the water Not really affecting the waves or anything too close to you guys, but you suddenly see swimming parallel to you guys under you is this giant dragon turtle This like big sea turtle that you guys saw that was docked in free-spire Was like a big creature like you could fit all of you guys

and probably one or two other people. This thing is gargantuan. This is one of the biggest things you've ever seen next to like the purple worm. Just this gargantuan gray sea turtle with the face of a dragon. Its skin is covered in bumps and spikes. The different sections of its enormous shell

are all pointed into like little spikes. It's got algae growing all over its shell. And there's little feeder fish like picking away from it. I kind of give it the like wave that you do and you see someone in a car. Cool. He, or on a boat. He nods.

He nods at you. The dragon turtle surfaces. He or on a boat he nods he nods at you the Dragon Turtle surfaces gives you guys with its fin the little roll down the window signal Hard one could you yeah, yeah, I pop the top beautiful afternoon there, buddy It is isn't it You all have been summoned by the great sea chrome. And you'll need to go see her now. All right, give her our best.

Thank you very much. I want to know more about this. I was specifically told not to tell you any reason. How long is this gonna take? I ain't been messenger. Are you gonna come or do I need to knock you out of the tree with me? I was forced, boys, and I say maybe we just fucking pretend we're gonna go. Okay, or does anyone know? I love I love like or should we or should we just straight up go?

Let's try to fogo and then see what happens. Okay, okay Yeah, just gotta spin this puppy around once sec cool. I'll follow you You do see that the dragon turtle is keeping pace with your boat. Just be out of park the boat somewhere. You guys are still going down these. Just trying to figure this out. I'm new to the boat.

We gotta find a ramp. You see the dragon turtle goes up and bites the boat. Grabbs it, the boat completely stops. Well, it's wholeheart. Everybody's calling me. All right, well I'm glad to thank you for well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, turn him into a sweet gold retriever. What is the language of can you do it to a dragon? The spell transforms a creature that you can see within range into a new form.

An unwilling creature must make a wisdom saving throw to avoid the effect. Got it. He will make a wisdom save throw. He will pop these right in the book. You got a 19. Then he's gonna pass. Okay.

Everybody roll an issue. Yeah That would have been so go Oh, good. Thank you. No, no, I got a three five. I got a nine That is the dragon turtles turn on the dragon turtles turn It is going to let out a steam breath on all of you guys go ahead and give me a constitution saving throw out a steam breath on all of you guys, go ahead and give me a constitution saving throw. Oh dear. You see just this spiral of steaming hot water

explodes out of its mouth like a cyclone and comes at the boat. 18? 13 for moon. 22. What did you get, Bev? 18. Okay, you save.

You just save. Moonshine does not and Balnor does not. Is it a half damage situation? It is. Okay. And you're little Ron a lot of dye right now 51 damage okay that's a half for so 25 I'm assuming that's a once a day Balnor is extremely hurts moonshine is extremely hurt that is that bless that one. The boat is insanely fucked up.

You see one propeller, ugh, completely breaks and goes off. All right, now you're fucked, because this isn't even our boat. That is moonshine, sis. This is a rental. Y'all, should we just fucking go with them? Or am I being a coward?

No, I mean, we're- No! We gotta come with me guys. Why? Because the sea crone said you have what is the sea crone want us to do you have to give us more information I don't have to see say anything she rules the sea Well then I'm gonna fill your gob with bad wishes and bad dreams and also a blade. I like to see you try Okay, I'm gonna do a fourth-level lightning bolt. Okay. Oh, yeah, watch it Wash a fucking crack call some fucking light name bitches and

He's got to do a dexterity saving throw. Okay God imagine if it was just a golden retreat 14 14 does not say bitch So 29 damage and then another six. So 35 damage. Awesome. It gets right in his eye. Oh, not cool, man.

Bound or just gonna shoot his gun. Oh, shit. Yeah, the gun dead now. Bound or shot dead. He misses on the first shot. That's a new one. That's a new one. That's a new one.

That's a new one. That's a new one. That's a new one. That's a new one. That's a new one. That's a new one. That's a new one. That's a new one.

That's a new one. That's a new one. That's a new one. That's a new one. That's a new one. That's a new one. That's a new one. That's a new one.

That's a new one. That's a new one. That's a new one. That's a new one. That's a new one. Healing Energy radiates from you in an aura with a 30 foot radius until the spell ends. The aura moves with you, centered on you. You can use a bonus action to cause one creature in the aura, including you to regain 2D6 hit points. Cool, that's a concentration spell, so I've got to keep it going. I guess that's my turn. I'll take any other bonus stuff. Okay, sweet.

That is hard one's turn. I'm going to run to the edge of the boat and throw my javelin. Javelin, you can just hammer him from back there. He's right there. Yeah, but I think I wanna throw the javelin because I wanna call the lightning. Yeah, yeah. All right.

Ooh, yeah. Watch a dwarf call lightning. Dude. You're gonna get zapped, dude. Zapped as loser. That's a fun point. Okay. Ha, ha, ha.

27. Oh, my point. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Uh, 27. Oh, that hits. Yeah. Alright, so I'm gonna, and I'm gonna call lightning. So that is one day. Oh, the feeder, you hit some of my feeder fish. Uh, another 17 damage. Shit.

Woo. Woo, woo, woo. Do I get another attack? Yes. With the same javelin. That javelin's gone. In the turtle. It's in the turtle. You should hammer strike.

I'll let you, if you want to take an action, if you want to use your second attack to go grab your javelin back, I'll let you climb under the turtle with your movement and grab the javelin back. OK. But otherwise the javelin's gone. All right, so I want to go get my javelin back. Cool.

You go do that. You're on top of the dragon right now. So now I'm on the turtle. OK. And I'm going to use actionge and hit him with the hammer. Sweet. Very good. Woo!

18? Does not hit. Are you banging into the shell? Strong ass turtle. You gotta aim for the soft. Shit, I'm gonna use a luck point. There you go. Yeah.

Hard one, aim for a soft soft meat. Yeah, I'm gonna try to hit the neck Good Lord 15 15 does not hit. Oh I am rolling like shit. Okay on the dragon turtles turn it is gonna swim 40 feet with me on it with hard one On it in the opposite direction It's gonna turn upside down. Bev, I touched you to drive the boat. Why?

Put hard one in the water, and that is gonna tack hard one three times in the water. Oh. Three times? I'm sorry, Bev, this is just like so insane. Hits on the first attempt. We're not given up yet. Believe it or not.

That's hard one, sure of what. He's 40 feet away, right? The dragon slayer, the honeybeer. The boat can get there.ayer, the honeybeer. The boat can get there. He is the honeybeer. But also someone who can breathe underwater and has misty septic.

26 on the first hit. That was its bite. Now it's going to take claw attacks. Okay. Hits with the claws. Another 18 damage. That's think strong. And then takes its last claw attack.

21 to hit. It hits. Okay. 15 damage on the last attack. All right. So you see hard one is in the water with this thing about 40 feet away. Moonshan that's your turn. Okay I am going to misty step 30 feet, basically to get closer to the turtle, so that then I can use my action, or my movement to swim to the turtle, and then I'm gonna attack them to get them off hard one. Sweet, you'd only need to swim like 10 feet,

go ahead and make your attack. Okay. Does it, I don't know. Ha ha ha ha. Does a 13? A 13 does not hit, you hit the shell. When you're doing me music.

Whoa, I said, well, I still book it, Sporzen for six. Okay, you're spores and for six when you're doing the music You should add a record scratch I will never dishonor moonshine that way that is bale Norse turn Bale Norse Shoot it! Shoot it! Alright bud, he'll shoot. Let's see. Crits. Yes!

Yes! So Balnor is gonna do, we'll say it's like Javilan Damage, it's like a D6. So he does 15 damage with a crit and then he will take a second shot. There you go, good. Builds a naturally teeny hits. Crack shot. He's for another nine. uh Beverly you're still on the boat with them you see he blows the smoke off the top of his pistol dang dad cob oh that is

Bev's turn I want to um like a night on horseback slice him while driving the boat. Okay, great. So you basically use your movement, you get down into the boat. A jump. The boat has kind of same movement as this dragon turtle. You are able to ride him next to him, go ahead and make an attack. Cool. Uh, does a 22 hit. It does. Woo!

That's 11 for the hit. And then I'm gonna do a, I'm gonna save my last lot for Revivify just in case. I think that's a good idea. Yeah. I think that's a good idea bud. All right, but I do, I am gonna do a second level Divine Smite,

which is 3D8. Sweet. Because I'm not like super ready to go on like a just let's save someone's life quest yet. No, yeah, I'm invested in the current quest. It would be a bummer to not see your dad because we had to bring one of us back to life. Especially if it was Baldor.

What? That was off my, dude. That was off my, dude. It was 18. 18, sweet. And then did you get the first damage I did? Yes. So that's my first attack.

Awesome. Hello. Cool. So that's my first attack. Awesome. Hello. Go ahead and do another one. Um cool Does a 21 hit it does great. Uh, should I just do another divine spike? Yeah, I'm gonna do it cool Absolutely. So I'm basically like I take the slash and then I you turn around and slash again Okay, so that's gonna be 12 damage and then let me add 3d8 to that. Cool. 11. Sweet. 11 extra damage there.

Okay. I want everyone at home to know like the look that Emily has. What the fuck? Gallonons do a lot of damage. Yes, when I get down to business, when the ads are on the line, I'm not done. I'm not done. Do you have a bonus action?

Yeah, as my bonus action, I heal Bound or using RF Vitality for 26 hit points. Eight hit points. Sweet, cool. That is hard one, Stern. Hard one, you are in the water. This giant dragon turtle just fucked you the fuck up. Cool. All right, sweet.

So I'm gonna call my spirit daddy's by saying, uh, Gemma, hey, me again. Send the Guardians. Guardians show up also in, me again. Send the Guardians. Guardians show up also in bathing suits again. We have another, yeah, we had another dragon to kill. Oh, oh dragon, third though. We're gonna die. No, we're gonna be good.

Cold day and you're crazy. Oh, you're a little faith. You're crazy. Okay. And then I'm gonna use a bonus action and look at Beverly's. Sweet, oh wait, you know what? Actually, I'm gonna use my second wind. Nice. Okay. That is dragon turtle

General roll to see if he gets his breath back. He does on its turn flip back over Hard one and moonshine you guys go into the water Flips back up. Yeah, everybody give me a constitution saving throw for the steam breath. Okay Oh, I'm gonna reroll that one. 16. 20, sweet. A natural 20. 26.

That's a roll to 1 and then 20. That always feels good. Moon shine and Balnor take the full thing. Fuck. Uh oh. How are you doing? Not good, Bob. 51 damage.

I'm down. Valnor goes down. Bowdy's destroyed. Fully destroyed? Yeah, it's like wrecked. It starts sinking. Alright, so it's just me and Marwana. That is Moon Shine's turn.

Moon Shine, go ahead and give me a death save. Hmm, I don't like that. 14! 14 is a pass. Let's see if Valnor can do the same thing. He's gonna roll Deathsafe. And he does do the same thing. He also gets a 14.

Keto. That is Bebs turn. Hard one, what should I do? Fucking. We're just gonna go see the sea, Kron. I don't wanna kill your friends. You guys don't have a boat anymore, I could take you. Yeah, you can take-

Alright. Even if we win the battle now. I lay down my sword. Schmort move. He looks over at you, hard one. You put your weapon down too, and then you can get on my shell, and you can heal your friends.

Okay. We'll put our weapons down. Well, you guys put your weapons down. You can lay hands, you can do your fringe. Okay. We'll put our weapons down. You guys put your weapons down. You can lay hands, you can do all of your stuff. You guys heal Moonshine and Balnor back up. I feed Moonshine some of the good berries. And if you do the big ones, Bigins Boats Sinks.

Oh, RIP. I'm never gonna get laid. It's good. Ha ha ha ha. I healed them up for 20 each. Okay, so let's get the story straight. There was a rock outcroping. We tried to avoid it. The boat crapped out. What have we just said pirates? That's a good one. Oh, that's good too. Pirates. You could just say dragon turtle. That's pretty cool. You believe that. Yeah, that's true. You just tell him the truth, huh? You know what? I feel

wrong. What do you see in that guy? All right, all right, just in general. Do you see that guy? Yeah, he does, and give you a gun. Yeah, his hospitality just moved me. And I think you blew it when you shitting in front of all of us in the hotel room. I would say, yeah, that was awesome. Yeah, that was very drunk. That time we're in here.

Right ahead, 12, but heavy. It's the magic potions, give me a break. I love it. Give me a goddamn break. I love disalbing boundaries and personal relationships, but I guess shitting in front of someone that you ever went to, I mean, right, you're saying like, what went wrong when you shit in front of her? And that's you hear the dragon heard, it

goes, where you shit in front of her? It was a magic wall. It was kind of iffy, whether or not. Yeah, it was into space. Oh well if it was into space, it's one thing. Can I use a little less touch hands? Cause I know that moonshine can heal herself up. Yeah, yeah, that's cool. Okay, yeah, I guess I'll do. You guys can take a short rest while you're riding this. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna use all my business

to get up to good again. Oh, if we're doing a short rest, then I'll just use as much as necessary. So you guys sail off to the east and after about a day, though the sun doesn't change at all, but just after about another eight or nine hours. So are we going in the opposite direction of where we need to go? Yes. What a fucker. Okay. I'm when Chann is going to turn to the dragon turtle and say, hi, sorry to bother you you mid swim. I was wondering if this

powerful crown has any way to sort of bend time or help us recompense this detour. Well I don't totally know about that but the C-crone is extremely powerful. Munchen go ahead and give me an insight check. Munchine, go ahead and give me an insight check. You're gonna like that. Uh. All right, okay, that's gonna be a 22. Munchine, the fact that this dragon turtle, this enemy that is the strongest thing you've ever fought is acting as a glorified messenger boy for whoever the sea crown is, is pretty

telling. Does the dragon turtle seem impressed that we did so much damage to it? I thought you guys would just give up or like maybe get a couple attacks in and maybe I'd do like one steam breath but you guys were pretty good usually at his own people like right away. Yeah it felt good to swap pain with you. Yeah that was good. I was got have, if I'll be completely honest, I have 341 hit points, and you guys got me down to 215. So this is the worst I've felt in a long time. I see this. I kind of like, rub his head a little bit.

You know, no love loss. Thank you. Can I put some, like, do you want, like, maybe a little graffiti or like a decal on your shell? That would be a great dishonor. Oh. Do you want graffiti griffini? The grouper fish like to eat the algae off of me

if you'd like to just eat some algae off my head or something. Can I eat your algae in a way that sort of griffini's you? Why do you want to griffini me so bad? Just eat my algae. I think it's an honor. I just eat the algae. You just want to write something on it.

I eat the algae in the way that it says, Crick on the side of his show. You deface this ancient beast, and finally, this dragon turtle gets you to your destination. A small island with three ram shackle huts. There was a single tree there with brown dead palm leaves. He pulls up to the shore and he signals for you guys to get off. Well, good luck with the sea cron. I wish you the best on your journey. He pulls up to the shore and he signals for you guys to get off well

Good luck with the sea Cron. I wish you the best on your journey. Oh good Well, thank God I hate my fucking boat and brought us to this deserted island Not your boat. I did not Deserted he's a loose cannon. Don't worry about him I stand in front. you. Hold me back! Hold me back! Alright dude, it's over. It's over.

It's over. I hold hard one back because I know that that's what he needs right now. I'm gonna kick this guy's ass. I kick by ass. I hold hard one back. One V1 me dude. I'm gonna kick this guy's ass. One V1 me dude.

One V1 me. I'm gonna kick this guy's ass. I'm gonna kick this guy's ass. I'm gonna kick by ass. I hold hard one back. One V1 me dude. I hold hard one back. One V1 me dude. One-Z one-Z. Thank you. Suddenly, you guys see over your shoulder while you're talking to this dragon turtle. You see this old seahag, hunchbacked, and blue-skinned. She's got long, stringy hair like seaweed that sticks out from under our cloak, this patchwork fabric of sewn together rags. She cocks her head and smiles at you with rotten, yellow teeth, and suddenly, you guys are cuffed

at your ankles and your wrists with dimensional shackles. Oh, no. These gold chains covered in runes that crackle with energy any time you move. And the seahag is suddenly over your shoulder. She went from smiling at you to suddenly at the edge of this island. You don't look like you have any where there's originals and that worries me.

I don't! You're all gonna come with me! What do you want? What is it you desire from us? Shut the fuck up! She's smacks you. Oh, alright, you're all coming with me! You see two more arms, a burst out of her chest and she grabs each of you by the back of your necks. You are powerless to stop her as she drags you off towards one of her huts.

But on the wind, you catch the faintest hint of baby's breath and lavender. Wait a minute, hopefully shit. And that's where all the guys are. No, man, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, the best. No way, no, no, no, no. Dimensional shackles? Oh no, she's in another plane. Ah! A lot of...

You do, we're not ending this episode. We're still playing. Let's finish this episode though. Let's wrap it and we'll keep playing. Okay, okay. Yeah, guys, we'll talk about all this over at the short rest. Go over to patreon.com slash mad pod and a ddp OD I shant singing I shant singing

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Perfect, we got it, let's record another episode. Go, go, go. Go, go, go. Go, go, go, go. It's the end of the show, everybody, and that means I need to shout out our benevolent council of elders starting with Brad D, the only pebble pot that isn't Craven. Brad spends most of his days watching movies to make sure they don't have jump scares

and are thus safe for his cowardly relatives to enjoy. J. Loma-72, aka Steelbreaker, hard ones, Jim Spiration. Instead of using a standing desk at work, Steelbreaker just does a continuous 8-hour squat. Dylan B. A sword wielding wizards surrounded by a floating army of blades at all times. Sometimes before killing a foe, Dylan gives them a stylish haircut, just in case they were planning on having an open casket ceremony. Danny P. Bohumi is resident artist, painted hard one senior portrait at the dwarf niche,

but did it in a super abstract, neo-cubus style, hard one hated the piece and returned it to Danny, who later sold it for 5 million gold. Tom P, father of the realm and serenader of sleeping babies, Tom is the only person who can successfully use sleep charms on Faye babies or as he calls them Faye. Spencer cask brew, patronel dwarf libations, ale maker to gods and heroes of Bohemia alike. Spencer actually invented Budweiser beer. The only thing Anheuser bush invented was jumping through a dimensional portal in order

to steal Spencer's recipe. Griffin SD, aka the stranger, the silver dragonborn, Eldred's Knight, ex-owner of the Badger's Point in in Tavern, and now the proud owner of a cool, fixy bike. Unfortunately, their tail gets in the way when riding it, but now they're in the best shape of their life. Maybe Griffin will finally start dating again, tune in next week to find out.

Beardman Dan, the longest beard in all Bahumia, you could wrap, beardman's Dan, beard around beard in all Bahumia, you could wrap. Beardman Dan beard around the globe three times and still have enough beard left to dip in your soup, which is exactly what Dan does every time he's hungry. Scott D, a fancy pants practitioner of Pranso Mancy, it's a very silly skill that Scott uses to thrill and also kill. That's right, Pranso Mancy is no joke, Scott has taken hundreds of lives and must be stopped at all costs.

Air and Sea, the homeless man that was used by the band of boobs, to distract the chosen backing galator on, Air and later bought the sandwich cart where Beverly bought his Rubin Sandwich and changed the name to Howlin' Hobo's Hogi Hut. It was recently voted Bad by the galator on Freebeacon. Hermes W, The Bat King. As a king, Hermes is too lazy to hunt for food. Luckily their friend, the Bat King, hooks Hermes up with free crickets on the regular. RJW, a regular at the nightcap.

RJ was the first person to ever take a piss into space. They thought about taking a shit, but realized it'd be in poor taste and decided to hold it. Spartus, runs a barbarian pizza shop in freestyle called Soparos. The secret ingredient is the fresh blood of their victims and also cumin. Atomar, the R-rated assassin currently teaming up with their old partner, the TV-MA Marrarder, in order to kill a politician who is currently trying to outlaw porn. Cassandra MHP, aka Cassandra Max HP, sometimes during the heat of battle Cassandra will cast first level cure wounds on themselves just to lighten the mood.

It's a guaranteed crowd pleaser. Danielle the Dastardly Dame, Danielle is so dastardly that she positioned all the frozen green nights in embarrassing and sexually compromising positions, poor form Danielle. Hugh C. aka Helldoor Frostback MVP of the Giant Wars, Crudon the SS Stormborn, and fought alongside Elias and Red. Hugh actually invented a putting your speaking stone in a cup and making it sound louder for parties, a true legend. Mandy the Monday, an accidental deity who got in the way of a lichest spell to reach divinity. If you're driving home and Google Maps says they found a new route that will save you

5 minutes on your commute, that's many personally bashing cars to a pocket dimension to get you home sooner. Daniel U, aka Multivore, the many face magician, one of Daniel's many faces is actually Mani the Monday. If you're in line at the airport and then someone who looks like Mani cuts in front of you and steals the last overhead bin, that's Danny, baby! Jordan DJ, legendary DJ of the realm, Jordan spins every Tuesday at the night cap and doesn't even charge, they're in it for the infinite sliders. Jeff Reyes, load of the fjord, born of the sword, and member of the horde,

that's right, Jeff is actually a 10-foot tall, giant orc with beautiful pierce tusks as or off as yours to claim Jeff. Good luck. Cutter W, a high-elf dandy turned to Crick a bark attack. Cutter's dream project is to turn Yagris Yadrissel, the world tree, whose very branches hold loft the many plains of existence into one big-ass Bukitabepo. Let's sketch the escape artist has never gotten the record time on an escape the room. John S. aka Shubber the Mushroom, sometimes when he gets cold in the caverns of Cragwater, Shubber will saute himself a little to chase the chill out of his bones and get a nice

hearty stink going. Ryan Am, a cobbler of Elven Leaf Boots, you'd think they're sewn together with gentle threads of dandelion fuzz, but actually no, Ryan uses an iron mallet and nails forged in the flames of hell. Alain Acy, forges iron mallets and nails in hell. Andrew M. The Toe Gold's personal toe painter recently caused a stir when they encouraged Martha Toe Gold to wear an uncharacteristic silver polish at the Hylm Home public pool. Michael McDee, head mixologist at the Blumana Inn, recently did a very sought-after residency

at Savannah's beloved jalapenos, where they introduce everyone to their newest creation, the old-fashioned Rita. It's where you make an old-fashioned and just unceremoniously dump it into a margarita. Victor T, Bounder's boy, whose loving dad was ripped from his family and transported to another world is currently weeping over a letter from his father that can now be found at Vienna's

Military Museum of History and an exhibit titled Letters from the Front Line of World War One. Just an eye, a non-violent barbarian who's channeled their primal rage into a very successful demolition business, is currently making a killing off all the public works programs The All has Been Commissioning. Clayton Namm, a claymation Dalmatian who just lost their job at the fire station their tender clay body just kept melting on the job. The professional the only lawyer to successfully beat Pop-On litigation the professional was so confident in their defeat they actually appealed their own

victory had declared a mistrial then went ahead and beat Pop-On again in the retrial. Jacob C and Ethical Drewid, who makes a vegan jumble-eye, are so good, moonshine couldn't even tell the difference. Elena M. Abard, who pedals exclusively in dirty limericks, some of which are so well-written, they'll bring you to tears, not of laughter, of beauty. Mick Pux, the amazing co-master who programmed our website, was working on the Bear Prince of SoundCloud, but after last week's episode terminated their contract. Earl and Kathleen L. A mix doubles tennis team, whose recent upset in the later on open

got them a three-foot tall, mid-throw trophy and also saved them from execution. Jive G. A honey-tongued philanthropist, who maxed out their charisma modifier, just so they could more effectively solicit donations for the dwarf anage. Corbin A, samurai living in Bohemia, but since samurai aren't a thing in Bohemia, everyone just calls Corbin a noble sword dude. Atlas Storm Reaper, a super powerful warrior who unfortunately shares their last name with Bohemia's favorite Gatorade flavor, Gray Storm Reaper. Jostritch, a jazzy ostrich.

They're one hip-cat, but you know, also an ostrich. ELDRAG aka the Dragernaut, the inventor of the eponymous NOT a Dragernaut, which every green teen is required to know, it's a NOT that's tied loosely but looks tight and is exclusively used in scenarios when you're pretending your friend is actually your prisoner to get into the good graces of a foe. Cameron C. an Asimar, who fucking hates the show, Angel, swears David Boreannis is not believable as an Angel. PJW aka Charoar,

Caudius, a teafling warlock whose tail has a mind of its own. In fact, Charoar's tail's mind is so keen. It's currently getting its PhD in the Anthropology of No-Mesh Tinkering at Glateron U. Demiol R. Ram, Daniels, Evil Twin, Demiol offers those who wish to travel to the Valley of Fragidaith a ride, then if they accept says, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, right, I was joking idiot and hoops away kicking as much snow in their faces as possible.

Nicholas R. aka St. Crickalus. Chris crosses the skies of Bahumia being pulled by a glorious zombie griffin. They also keep glads mummified corpse up front riding shotgun. It's adorable. Jennifer V, a very tiny free fairy with a real big attitude. Jennifer is so small that travelers often confuse them for an inner fly. Destin C, a hollow body that was just too hot for Ilsa to inhabit. He tried, but no one to bohumi could stop hitting on him when he inhabited Destin so he had to bail. Devon B manages a really chill bodega where Boundor buys all his tuna.

Devin's bodega has a tabaxi lounging in the window and has sold a big winner and the glitter on scratch off sweepstakes. Michael L and Ezri Bubbleboy, who literally lives in a bubble, it's kind of like the Jetsons only Michael has way cooler clothes because they shop at Rene's. Sam H and Alchemist who invented a lannis's scent.

One time, Ulfgar wandered into Sam's shop just to see what was up and then suddenly broke down weeping, it really weirded Sam out. Kelvin Noodles, a pasta elemental, doesn't have a water daughter, but does have a nokey blokey and an angel hair angel. Christian H, aka Sergio Salazar Salaman Sarkar, it's a carous date, a C-Q&E. Seventh of his name, a sexy Peruvian snake folk with sweet snake patterns on his skin, when the band was running from the Free Ferrys. Christian offered themself to help the crew swing across the ravine, but they jumped like

a bunch of dots. Traylee, the cray-fay, who was recently spayed? Why? Aaron G. Master of the banishment spell. Eren banishes airlines that charge people to bring a carry on. Fuck your hidden fees, says Eren G. Eric B, an iron dwarf who is currently on vacation in Smuggler's Bounty. Just a big, hulking iron soldier in a big suit playing a VR snowboarding game picture

that. Jorious, defeated a dragon turtle and now lives inside his whole king shell. Jory saved a lot of money sourcing material by killing his house in battle rather than going to home Depot. Alucard reversed Dracula who sleeps standing up and turns an old human from a bat. Alucard also has inverted fangs and wears a bowloh instead of a bowtie. Baby Doc, the only doctor to ever perform their own C-section, also a licensed loyal who performed their own brissection, also a licensed loyal, who performed their

own bris, mausletov. At a M-H lost 15 pounds on Josh fit, then found out they were eating halfling and stopped, but then saw some of their gut back and shamefully went back on the diet, Adam looks hot as hell. Kyle McQ, a bard and a punk rock band who once played Old Betsy during their cover of Ocean Avenue by Yellow Card. Colin G used to be the funniest guy at the creek until Old Cobb came around. Ryan, Hardwan's Ram, has the thickest quads of any goat in the realm and it's all thanks to his loving human, Hardwan Shorefoot, whose sheer girth made Ryan's legs swell with muscles

and with pride. Big Buck, a sexy ranger and a two-piece safari suit who loves a showcase all the rams they've killed by motioning to them in a very ineligant way. Richard F. Anome, who party too hard at bigons and choked on their own puke only to wake up as a honey goblin, get the honey! Taylor S. aka Trass the Traveler, though Trass always travels while playing pickup basketball they roll so well on their deception that the ref never calls it. Everyone hates playing against Trass but they love blang with them.

John WG, the philanthropic rogue, who uses their sneak attack to give their pals a quick neck shave when the line is looking a bit raggedy, thanks for the edge up, John. Troy McC uses the bodies of their dead foes as a shield and as an extra passenger so that they can use the HOV lane during rush hour, now that's rolling with advantage. Cannibalistic Cthulhu usually feasts on the madness that dwells in the hearts of mankind but has been trying to cut back, they recommend Oat Madness. It's a little price here, but is equally drenched in the internal suffering of humanity. Sam L. is super cuddly bugbear called the snugbear, despite their downy soft appearance and friendly

giggles, they will still suffocate you to death at a moment's notice so heads up. Dommar, a 1HP zombie skeleton who dips their bones in a multimithral, currently looking to join a campaign in the hopes of finally crushing your dungeon master spirit. Josh S, the revived cyborg version of Josh the Colbald, has piston-powered packs that can perform nearly 60 flexes per second. Blitzbrig Demetri, owner of Dorgers Big Borgher, after being briefly shut down for a rat-related health inspection, Blitzbrig is back, and better yet, the rats are in a union now, a solidarity,

my squeaky brothers. Caleb Storm, the love child of court himself, Caleb's legendary strength, comes from years of celestial rough-housing. They are now on a quest to grow strong enough to defeat their father or at least force him to tap out. Andrew A. A. Faye Wild B. From another colony. Andrew hates the Big Bang Theory and instead watches nothing but don't trust the B's in apartment 23s. Nicholas C. has starred in every single movie ever made in Bahumia, currently filming leaving Las Vegas on a site in the Feywild and is expecting to wrap in 40 years. Matt L, the only chosen Knight who has had sex, they were later personally executed by Theala

for being super badass in an absolute player. Targot, owner proprietor of Bahumia's beloved general store, Targot, the best place to find modern home decor and electronics alike. There's currently a special on mushroom glow lights, but don't worry, Schubert, there are official. Mike H, a Feywild bullywug, to the untrained eye, Mike looks like a regular frog, but to the trained eye, Mike looks like a regular frog with a very large knife. Kevin asks the turtle dragon not to be confused with the dragon turtle. Kevin is just a regular sized turtle with wings who steals cabbage from farmers.

Tribble, a three-beak duck that guards an enchanted pond in the middle of Hillhome. Nenna kindly feeds Tribble bread every day, but keeps refusing the magic swords they offer her. Garrett M, a fearless knoll who rides you know but dune style, they also have a beautiful head of luscious locks and looks like a young, coyome a glocklin if you were also a dog. Matthew E, a famer made who was looking to offload a few plus five magic weapons to the first party of adventurers that sailed by, I guess you could always sell them on eBay, huh Matthew? Samuel B. the world's hottest vampire. Unfortunately, Samuel can't see the reflections,

although never know how truly hot they are. Trust us, though, Sam. You smoking. Be money. A fast-talking deal-making money goblin. There's only one thing this goblin's after, and it sure is hell ain't honey. Tilford G, the only person in the nightcaps, thousand pint club, Tilford has drained so many of big and sweaty push-up cocktails that their strength is now permanently 30,

also they can't fit through doors anymore. Kesa, wait-class winner Zach A. It's the only keyblade wielder in all of Bohumias. Zach is desperately trying to save people's hearts from darkness, but keeps failing miserably. Zach also hangs out with an actual dog and duck. They call goofy and donald and honestly it's kind of sad. And finally Matt C. aka Mattie Big Critz, Mattie choked on a huge meatball and almost died. But then he rolled a nat 20 on regurgitating that bad boy and now he's back.

For Matty's next crit, he's going to reevaluate the way he was living his life and finally finished that novel he's been working on. And that's it guys, there are so many of you, I've completely lost my voice. Thank you guys so much for listening, we'll be back next week with another episode, head on over to the patreon patreon.com slash nad pod to listen to the short rest we'll catch you guys next time goodbye