Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 54: Killing Blow (A Faerie Tale)

Episode Date: March 14, 2019

The Band of Boobs escape to the Autumn Court and make plans to face the Hounds! Moonshine has a heart to heart with Bev Sr., Beverly becomes an official Green Knight, and Hardwon faces the co...nsequences of his actions. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music/Sound Effects Include:"The Autumn Court" by Emily Axford."Fantastic & Fuddling" by Emily Axford."A Haven Away From Home" by Emily Axford."Spooky Shafts" by Emily Axford."Beverly's House" by Emily Axford."Moonshine's Stump" by Emily Axford."Forsaken" by Emily Axford."The Blows of a Friend, and Not a Foe" by Emily Axford."A Sight For Sore Eyes" by Emily Axford."The Widow" by Emily Axford.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:01:33 This is not another D&D podcast. ["Murphy's World of the World"] Welcome back to Bahumi, everyone. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Nice. I'm your Dungeon Master dungeon master Brian Murphy joined by Jake her wits hard one sure foot Emily Axford Oh you might have been busy doing math. I was the milkman last episode. Oh, yeah. You were juggling, you were juggling pirates who were fighting your own men. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah. There were like four battles going on. A lot to give me. We also have called old Tanner. Oh, Beverly Toggle, the fifth, the sad lad
Starting point is 00:02:20 whose dad's gone mad. It's I like your dad's look. It's a good look. It's a good look. But yeah, it's a good look. Your dad's insane. Mine's dad so. Yeah, I don't know who my name is. Give some, take some. Hey, but you guys all have Balnor so. That's right.
Starting point is 00:02:35 You all have it. That's very true. That's true. You got a dad in me. You're more of a peer relationship to me, Balnor. Yeah, I gotta be honest. I can't put you in a father figure role, Belnor, given what happened with the sucky-bye.
Starting point is 00:02:48 I would say, I understand. Yeah. I would really love to see who you would consider a father figure, moonshine, because like, you're so maternal and you use around yourself with such maternal figures, but like for you to like shine through the darkness and identify a dad, that's gonna be a big day.
Starting point is 00:03:03 Yeah, it's gonna be a real mind fuck. Is there any, don't touch your nipples when you say that. Is there any other D&D podcast that opens the show with in character therapy sessions? Then does the recap, then gets into it. I don't think so. And that's why ours is the best. Oh yeah. Guys, it's still a little recap.
Starting point is 00:03:23 So last week you hatched a plan to rescue Queen Cerilla from the chosen soldiers who were searching for her in the castle working off some info given to you from Tereth the ghost Aladdin girl your plan was to grab Cerilla then escape through a transporter located in the old Queen's quarters you then snuck into the old castle, killed a few guards and hid in the basement. Moonshine scouted ahead and found a staircase to the upstairs while hard one distracted the guards by offering them a cask of milk.
Starting point is 00:03:54 Come brothers. The God I said bless those. Come the tea of the goddess herself. Meanwhile, Bev, Bev, Senior and Balnor were able to sneak in and grab Cirilla. All hell broke loose when hard one was finally caught in his lie, but he was able to use the horn of all Hala to call forward ghost pirates to cause a distraction. You guys all then killed a bunch of foot soldiers on your pass to the transporter and quite impressively also killed a few angels.
Starting point is 00:04:28 Finally, with chokes. Birds, sure. Birds. Finally, with chosen bird angels breaking down the door, you made it to the old queens' private quarters with Cyrilla in tow and escaped through the transporter to where exactly. We don't know yet. Oh! Tell us we're falling. through the transporter to where exactly? We don't know yet. Oh!
Starting point is 00:04:45 Oh! Tell us we're falling. But that's where we are now. Ooh, huh. So you guys spend one full week just in another realm. Oh! Did we jump into a prison gem? Yes, you guys are all caught by Acarot.
Starting point is 00:05:03 This was his plot. That's a, where you get used to the ghost. This was his plot. That's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, up here outdoors in autumn. Yeah. How the color color trees. Did we land in a big old pile, leaves?
Starting point is 00:05:28 There actually aren't leaves around you. Let me describe the scene. So a brisk breeze hits you. You're surrounded by giant trees filled with leaves of deep reds, yellows, and rich browns. You'll see the occasional leaf fall from a tree and gently feather its way to the ground. It is sunset here.
Starting point is 00:05:46 You see the sun in the distance, half vanished beneath the horizon. With the cover of the trees, the sunset gives the thick forest a creepy, beautiful orange glow. You've appeared on this transporter and see that you're in a small gazebo, in a little garden of sunflowers. There is a short natural fence of what looks like tree roots that surround the garden. There is a bench here, a small table with two chairs, a wine decanter and two glasses.
Starting point is 00:06:16 You notice that the leaves as they fall seem to avoid this garden, but leaves cover the ground outside the garden. It looks like the old queen designed this garden so that she the ground outside the garden. It looks like the old queen designed this garden so that she could sit and look at autumn while still kind of maintaining summer. Like this is her own kind of personal place. Like an opera box. Well first off, y'all it's hoodie weather so get out your hoodies. Oh, fair enough. Yeah. Yeah, this is it's it's funny because as I was
Starting point is 00:06:44 writing this and everything this feels like so seasonal and cozy and autumn, but we could not be further from this. So everyone just embrace Halloween vibes right now. Oh, yeah. And embrace it. I smell the burning leaf piles. Yes. Beverly pulls out a big bag of mellow cream pumpkins that he's been saving. Oh, moonshine goes to the nearest Walgreens and starts making impulse purchases of decorative pumpkins. Look at that tiny little skeleton, man. Moonshine is gone for 10 days. She is killed by the hounds.
Starting point is 00:07:16 So you guys actually see, as you appear in the transporter, you guys take a second to take in your surroundings. You see the little Aladdin girl appears with you guys. Hey, Darius. Oh, Darius. And you see she, she doesn't appear through the transporter. She appears like with the bow. Moonshan is holding the bow right now, I believe.
Starting point is 00:07:37 Yeah. So she appears like with the bow. And you see she has like a little ghost version of her bow. And she looks super excited. And she's like jumping up and down She starts she like looks out into the open air. She's super excited. You see she runs jumps over the little natural fence And she begins playing with the leaves and you see that she's able to like interact with them You see that the leaves are actually like going up can I throw something small at her like a bean and see if it if it jumps off or I'm gonna see? Or one hands moonshine a bean.
Starting point is 00:08:10 I want to see if it's like a property of the material here or if it's a property of her now that she's here. I'm just gonna. You throw a... Filter with a lentil. You throw a dried out lentil I guess there. Yeah. How much damage does she take? She's gonna take 10 dAs right in her ear. You throw a little bean at her and you see that it does hit her. And she just like looks chocked for a second,
Starting point is 00:08:36 she turns around, she looks at you. But then she smiles and she gives thumbs up, she's super excited. I was a blame pop-off. Papa, right at the lentil. You know, Papa tries to explain it, I was a blame papa papa I'm so curious why jump. Nice. Beverly jumps out. It's our plane to leave in the leaf piles with tariff. I'm so curious why take can I want to go touch her. I should have done this before I pelten her with a bean I can touch her. Yeah, okay. Well, we've had a guy. She's been giving me thumbs up So we brought the bow into the into the real world right to the into the real Fey World She runs over and hugs you and you see her curses lifted you feel that there's something um she doesn't quite feel totally you know human or eladjren she doesn't it's not exactly corporeal but you feel a little
Starting point is 00:09:34 something there there's like a substance it's almost like an air elemental or something you feel like concentrated air yeahed to her shoes. Yeah, and suddenly you guys see another Aladdin ghost appears. She looks to be in her late teens. A peltar with a bee. She catches it very quickly. I was joking. Right away.
Starting point is 00:09:59 She winks at you. That's dinner by the way. So just save a couple. Easy on the beans, all right? You see Togolds Beverly Togold seniors just eaten hard beans. Yeah, those are dry. That's good. Those are hard meals. It's good, pop in notice. You see that this other Aladdin Ghost girl She's wearing an almost identical outfit to the little girl tight pants with a loose tunic
Starting point is 00:10:24 And she's got a big bow on her back. It looks like a bigger version of the one that the little girl, tight pants with a loose tunic, and she's got a big bow on her back. It looks like a bigger version of the one that the little girl has. The little girl looks so excited. Derek, is this your big sister? She nods and she rushes over and hugs her. The older girl picks her up and starts spinning her around. I pretend I'm not crying.
Starting point is 00:10:44 I pretend I'm not crying I pretend I'm not handing you a handkerchief Thanks, I have a stuffy nose What do you all think about green team ghosts? Starting a ghost chapter of the green team thing. I think you definitely should okay. Boundore is full-prick Bev's dad's just looking at them being like, yeah, just normal, fair wild stuff. You know, goes for you, night. Do you eat your mouth closed, Dad?
Starting point is 00:11:11 Nah, nah. Just eaten crunching on being so hard. Definitely chipping some tea. And you see the teenage Aladdin ghost walks over to you guys. And you see her mouth doesn't move, but she begins speaking to you in your minds. I'm so pleased to be here with you guys. I'm so pleased to be here with you guys. I'm so pleased to be here with you guys. I'm so pleased to be here with you guys. I'm so pleased to be here with you guys. I'm so pleased to be here with you guys.
Starting point is 00:11:32 I'm so pleased to be here with you guys. I'm so pleased to be here with you guys. I'm so pleased to be here with you guys. I'm so pleased to be here with you guys. I'm so pleased to be here with you guys. I'm so pleased to be here with you guys. I'm so pleased to be here with you guys. I don't know what that is, but I'll assume it's something like this. Yeah, it's like this, but with mushrooms instead of...
Starting point is 00:11:49 Oh, that's not fun. Whatever you're... Are you using mushrooms? I don't smell the stink. Oh no, no, no, no. I'm actually supposed to kind of return to the land. I'm supposed to be a piece, but I was waiting for my sister. Ah!
Starting point is 00:12:00 And you see, Tara comes up and like hugs her leg. I ain't that nice. Family is important. Yeah. That's right. There like hugs her leg. I think that's nice. Family is important. Yeah, that's right. There's nothing more important than family. That's right. But, you know, it's also the family that you make. Yeah, I was just gonna say.
Starting point is 00:12:14 Family of juice. The family you choose. You have the juice. Blood family is cool too though. Well, you know, but, yeah, who even knows who their dad is? Everyone's your family if you think about it. I doubt you're trying to throw.
Starting point is 00:12:29 Yeah. And you see, um, Boundor kind of like looks afraid over at the, uh, transport or any goes, uh, gang, are we worried at all that these guys are going to start coming through the hounds are going to show up at some point. That is a valid concern. Um,
Starting point is 00:12:45 Tarath and her sister. Um, my name's Tabitha. Tarath and Tabitha, listen to that. Ain't that cute. I bet y'all were popular at school. Are you all safe? Do you want to come with us?
Starting point is 00:12:57 Can you be hurt by something called the hounds? Have you heard lower of the hounds? I have heard of Queen Ezra's hounds. Yeah. Yeah, I You helped my sister so I owe you a favor. You see she gets down She kneels before you guys. Oh, we're doing this. Oh great. We're guys. We're running low on beans I could give you beans or I can I can buy you some time if somebody's after you. Time or beans.
Starting point is 00:13:26 I don't wanna put you in danger though. Oh, I'm a ghost, I'll be okay. Okay, if you're gonna be okay then yeah, why don't you and Tara are really good at town. You see Tara looks like super pumped. She pulls up her little bow and she like aims it at the transporter and she gives you guys like an affirmative nod.
Starting point is 00:13:44 Queen, do you want me to help you set up some like home alone style pranks for when they come through? I think Tara Tho' be able to handle that. Okay. All right, I'll give her some of my blueprints. Ah. Do you want us to do something with this short bow, by the way?
Starting point is 00:13:58 We're making a memorial bench out of it. If the memorial bench idea isn't the number one, if we just wanted like an alternate idea in case the Memorial Bench, isn't what we're doing? I thought Tariff really wanted the Memorial Bench. She begged us for the bench. You see Tariff looks at you like she doesn't remember what you're talking about. She was just like agreeing to a fun idea. Tariff, you got so amped.
Starting point is 00:14:21 I literally re-listened to this episode. You got so amped about it. She looks super confused Okay, so you guys are gonna buy us a little time shoot the hounds with the arrows Where where do we go? Bev senior. Yeah, yeah, Bev's Bev senior just crunching on beans and he goes well, we should probably get to the Probably our only option here is to get to the autumn court, get behind their walls. That would be most helpful. Okay, which way? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:47 Yeah. You see he looks around. Well, not really sure where we are. And Tabitha speaks up and she goes, if you want to get to the autumn court where the princess is, just make sure the sunset is on your right when you walk and you'll get there. Okay, I do. It's about a two day hike. It's about a two day hike.
Starting point is 00:15:06 It's about an eternal day thing, like the sun doesn't change because it's in an eternal, ah, it's in the evening. Now this princess, is she also a giant grizzly bear? No, okay, what's her deal? She is half a ladren, half sunset goblin. Sunset goblin. Sounds sexy to me.
Starting point is 00:15:24 Yeah, I'll be pet. All right, enjoy your time with your sis. Yeah, have some fun. You know, try and make it fun. They both nod excitedly. She loves charades, okay? Ha ha ha ha. Tarath runs up and gives you guys a hug, goodbye.
Starting point is 00:15:41 Oh, goodbye, young thing. Peace. Thank you for your help. She gives you guys peace signs and gives you guys a hug goodbye. Oh, goodbye young thing. Peace. Thank you for your help. She gives you guys peace signs and gives you guys thumbs up. And she goes over to you, Moonshine, and she holds up her bow. I hold up her bow. And she points to you. I'm gonna, yeah, I'm gonna make it into a more moral bench.
Starting point is 00:15:59 Tabitha goes, I think she means you can keep it if you'd like. Is that what you wish, Tarith? Tarith nods. All right then, we're gonna scrap the memorial, Ben. Do you, I guess. You see, I'll be honored. You see, Tarith looks at her bow, sees that you have the same one,
Starting point is 00:16:20 and sees that her older sister has the same one, and just gets so little kid pumped. And she starts going around. Bring them bows in. Just starts like cheers. Throw the bows, you guys all cheers bows. Bow bitches. Yes, bow bitches.
Starting point is 00:16:35 Bow bitches, bow problem. And Bounder goes, gang, we better get going. Yep, all right, all right. Let's battle. Boba grade, we out. Sweet, you guys say you're goodbyes to Tabitha and Tarith. And I think the bow over my back.
Starting point is 00:16:52 I like it, it's like a baby backpack, but it's a bow. It's like diminutive in a fun way. Oh yeah, you're right. It's cute. Oh dang, I look cute, I look Hawaiian. I would say you look so gory, in fact. Oh wow. So you guys take off into the forest, keeping the sunset on your right.
Starting point is 00:17:12 The woods are dense enough that the sun never gets in your eyes, but there's enough glow that you can see well and the leaves crunch under your feet. I think every, every couple steps, I'm like pointing at the leaves and being like, oh look at that one. Oh, I need to go on. Are we leaf peeping? I think we're leaf peeping. All right, I get it on the peeping.
Starting point is 00:17:33 I hold up my, no, I don't have it anymore, but I tell you about my leaf peeping bench. What are the people who go, who like vacation, is it leaf peepers? Yeah. Fully a chvoke. Fully a chvoke, right. People who vacation to go see leaves. Oh, like vacation, is it leaf peepers? Yeah. Foliage folk. Foliage folk, right.
Starting point is 00:17:46 People who vacation to go see leaves. Treesseers, right. You see, yeah, Bev Senior goes ahead and he's gonna summon a steed. He summons like a majestic elk. I'm not gonna burn. I mean, I wanna do a wild shape but I don't know what's in store. So
Starting point is 00:18:07 Mochain really excitedly. I shrink away a shame that I can't provide my pregnant elk. So as you guys are trotting along keeping the sunset to your right towards the autumn court, you know based on what Tabitha says that you guys got about a two-day hike. So you see Bev senior pipes up and he goes, so these hounds are kind of no joke. Are we doing full court press and just running for two days and wearing ourselves out and trying to beat them there? Or do we want to take a rest and try to fight them? Hope that Tabitha can hold them off long enough that they're behind us six or seven hours. I don't think we wanna bring this fight to the city.
Starting point is 00:18:50 I don't think we wanna endanger anyone like that. I think we should try and get arrested and then snuff out these sniffers. Yeah, let's snuff the sniffers. Yeah, one last stand. Yeah, a ground or is so pumped up. I think that we need to take a rest, get some shit back.
Starting point is 00:19:04 Worse comes to worse, I'll do a Zeld's transfer if they come too quickly. I think that we need to take a rest, get some shit back. Worse comes to worse, I'll do a Zellage Trans if they come too quickly. I think that we need to booby trap the area and do some kind of thing like that. Alright, hard one is building a lean too. I'm digging a hole and I'm sharpening a lot a little toothpicks. So, you guys, we're gonna fight the hounds? Bounder, what do you think? We're gonna fuck up the hounds. We gotta fuck up the dang hounds. They don't know who the real hounds are. Youard, what do you think? We're gonna fuck up the house. We got to fuck up the dang hounds.
Starting point is 00:19:25 They don't know who the real hounds are. You got the little bulldog here. You're a barker. You're a barker. Come on. Hold him back. Hold him back. That's right.
Starting point is 00:19:34 We're sending these hounds up today. We're sending them to the big farm. Hello. And you guys see, as you guys are walking, and you guys have made the decision that you're going to try to fight these hounds Boundward gets super pumped up. He starts barking with hard one. He's looking around and then suddenly his eyes wide and he goes I know where we are
Starting point is 00:19:59 we're We're not we're not far from my old village Oh my goodness We're gonna make a stand. We should do it goodness. Do you know what it is, are you? If we're gonna make a stand, we should do it there. Okay, yeah. Seems fitting, yeah. You see, Balnor starts taking off into the woods excitedly.
Starting point is 00:20:12 What's going on? All right, yeah. Okay, you guys follow Balnor into the woods. At first, it just looks like this very colorful, autumnal forest, you can't make heads or tails of where you're headed because it's all just very bright. But then you do start to see some landmarks.
Starting point is 00:20:30 You cross various streams and walk parallel to rivers. In fact, Moonshine, go ahead and give me an insight check. Oh, whoa. I got a net one. This is a pretty forest, Bruce. I, wow. We gotta keep moving, can't go on. So I'm taking a picture of me next to this pile of leaves.
Starting point is 00:20:51 I'm trying to cultivate a follower. Does she, with a natural one, does she like trip into the water and notice something? Yeah, do I trip, hit my head on a rock and then have a, I'll say, I'll say Bev is pretty good with like nature stuff and everything. So Bev, you can go ahead and give me minutes.
Starting point is 00:21:08 I'll take a call. I got a 14. Okay, so you know that your sort of south of where like later on isn't stuff in the autumn court or this land that's like under the jurisdiction of the autumn court. And you're seeing all these streams and everything. And you realize that Fowler kind of lived at the creek.
Starting point is 00:21:33 Poundor. You're a folk. You're from the good land. Yeah, I scoop some of the water and then like I pour it in a mouth. It's just like really refreshing water It tastes like Wait, no, what I try and do I take out a match and I try and light the creek on fire what happens? It doesn't light on fire
Starting point is 00:21:54 That's unfortunate. Oh, well, you know, not everyone is blessed the way that Laura pisses in the creek is what we say So a bound or continues continues to lead you guys. And finally, you see these trees with thick, thick layers of leaves that go all the way down near the base of their trunk. Balnor pushes past them. You guys swim through these branches and leaves until finally you reach a clearing. This little hidden spot, you hear streams babbling
Starting point is 00:22:27 in the distance, Munchite now, this kind of sounds like the creek. You see the sun pierces through the thick leaves and creates a ray of sunshine in the clearing and the balanor stands in the middle of it. This is it. This is the place. Really, it's beautiful.
Starting point is 00:22:45 I never think of taking on a bunch of quick folk here, maybe starting a new or starting another, rather a new, seems to imply. A different. A different. Boundore begins weeping and falls to his knees and grabs all. I would love to do that. I think we should do that.
Starting point is 00:23:05 Well, you, I mean, you know, not together, not like that. No, not to, oh no, we broke up. We broke up, we broke up. But this was a wonderful place to grow up. This is where I had my first kiss with Mary Ann. You see, he walks over to like one tree, next to like a little stream. Was she in mean doughed? Not at all, I'm relieved.
Starting point is 00:23:26 She's a halfling. Oh. Yeah. Yeah, this is where these are the bushes. Bobbi used to get in these bushes. He walks over to some very prickly bushes. Ooh, prickly. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:37 This is where I used to have my little halfling hole. I look into the stream and I see a big fat tuna swim by. Ha! Oh, the river tuna. I look into the stream and I see a big white egg fairy. It looks like It looks like a big, but it's just full of white I pop one in my mouth. I never want one everyone everyone have a mayonnaise Calories and this is a beautiful place to build your home. This is better than runners-jell It's the best dad's to just pop it on. I like kind of almost bored at this point
Starting point is 00:24:30 point of the tree and I go like, the leaves are bred. Make sense. This place rules, the leaves are bred. Wow. It goes, pulls down, it makes like little, like, lower to the ring style, Elvin Elven sandwich with some tuna in the middle. Lambus bread. This is the best tuna sandwich I have ever had, Belnor.
Starting point is 00:24:50 Fresh, right? Yeah, I have to be honest, I was skeptical of your love of tuna, but I'd never had a fresh sashimi tuna sandwich. And this delicious, this mayo tree, these mayo nuts, they're so, I don't know, they're so creamy and so rich and tangy. Here I thought that mayonnaise was a combination and a multiplication of oil and egg, but all along it was its own individual entity.
Starting point is 00:25:14 It's the fruit of a nut. Wow. It's the fruit of a nut. I tell you what, I could definitely see some cooters and petries getting wild in these woods. Yes ma'am, answer. Well, first we got a deal, the matter at hand. I do enjoy them mucking up stuff for the high elves,
Starting point is 00:25:31 so I'm not gonna call them off just yet. Seems like they're having a good time in the moment. Yeah, okay, I'm gonna get right into trancein' because I wanna try and get my four hours to try and get a long rest. We should do some shifts though I'll say you guys can take some time to You know like talk a little bit and it'll count as resting before you go to bed I'm actually I'm gonna go ahead and roll a D12 see how many hours Tabitha is able to kind of set them back
Starting point is 00:26:01 Gotcha, she's definitely you know these guys are tough So you know she's not gonna be able to just like, kill these guys for you, but you can imagine like, they might need to take a short rest after she shoots them a bunch, or she might shoot them a bunch, hide, they got a chaser, etc. They're also getting shot with ghost arrows, right?
Starting point is 00:26:17 Yeah, that's gotta come for something. Maybe they get shook, maybe they run away. Yeah, I mean, if a ghost was also shooting arrows at me, I'd go back to go later on. You guys beat up a ghost at like level five. Sure, but they didn't shoot arrows at us. True. She was better than the ghost.
Starting point is 00:26:36 Yeah, she was better than the ghost. Yeah, she was scrappy. She was scrappy. Okay, I have rolled. I have rolled Tabitha's fate has been decided. Yeah. You guys start setting up a little camp. Not much of a camp, probably just take out
Starting point is 00:26:49 your little bed rolls and stuff. And as you guys are kind of sitting down, winding down, getting ready to go to bed, he's see balanore's just like looking around. Like, you know, he looks serious and ready for the task at hand, but he's like visibly like excited, like he's excited to be here to fucking defend it this time. But yeah, you guys are in this camp.
Starting point is 00:27:13 What do you do? I guess I wanna talk to my dad about like, what he's been up to, like where he's been? Like I know he was in prison, right? You were captured, are you okay? Yeah, you see, he gives like a like a long balanord like thousand yard stare Electro shock therapy. I could experiment with some electricity You know what I might take you up on that a little later
Starting point is 00:27:34 Fantastic. I got I got lightning bolts so I can just kind of try and do a gentle lightning bolt on your temples. No, so actually all these things the chosen coming in through the material plane and King Leastaborn disappearing, Queen Serilla having her heart broken and all of the green teams and green nights being frozen, they all kind of tie together. So I was actually doing a bit of sneaking around the unceiligord, the winter court to kind of find out what was going on. And I was able to get some information. Now I don't know how she did it, but somehow
Starting point is 00:28:16 theala was able to brainwash King Leastaborn. See, since Galatoron and the summer court exist in the same place, but on separate planes, she somehow must have been able to use her powers to affect him. So we didn't just ghost Sarilla on his own accord. Interesting, because I did have this sneaking suspicion, like, are we just involving ourselves in a breakup, in a one-sided breakup? Sometimes people just need space. Yeah. Did you know it's not just drama?
Starting point is 00:28:48 Yeah. No, no. It's, well, it's pretty dramatic, you know? Uh, it's, it's externally sort of supernatural drama. Yeah. Right. So, Theala obviously knows that the Green Knight escaped here during the Civil War in Galatoron.
Starting point is 00:29:05 She is plotting through King Lestaborn to work with the Unseely to take over both courts and steal the Seely army for her own. That sounds bad. Wow. So she's really just dropped the facade all together, like influencing people's brains, trying to take over courts. That's not right. Just in any way.
Starting point is 00:29:26 I don't even understand that. You know what? You were listening in Sunday school, Beth. It appears though that she is still keeping up with us. I though because none of the life folk said to us. Oh, yeah, this is the all is doing. So like the life folks still think, oh, there's just there's drama. Yeah, she's pulling the strings.
Starting point is 00:29:43 She's being devious. That's not the way of the light. I'm sorry. there's just, there's drama. Yeah, she's pulling the strings. She's being devious. That's not the way of the light. I'm sorry, it's just not. You know what, you're dang right, Bev. I'm sorry, I'm going on a tear. Oh, you know what, going on a tear son. It's a tear, young and tear.
Starting point is 00:29:55 So apparently, Queen Ezra, the unkind, has this alliance with the Aula. And apparently, the agreement is that Queen Ezra will get to run both courts in the Feywild whether or not the yalla plans on actually fulfilling this promise that seems to be Where we're at isn't there any temptation and anyone else is hard to just go straight to Queen Ezra and fuck a rip I Think that eventually might be go straight to Queen Ezra and fuck her up. I think that eventually might be what we need to do. Okay, but not straight. I'm saying straight.
Starting point is 00:30:28 I'm like, maybe we go right now, but you're saying, no, let's take a detour, do some stuff. Well, we got the hounds to deal with. They're on our tail. That's true. That is unavoidable. Work our way up. Every path that we take. But I actually, while I was sneaking around the unceiligord,
Starting point is 00:30:47 I did find out that she keeps King Leicesterborn locked away in a tower. He's paranoid. Oh, he is. So she's like, got him whipped, huh? He is. Yeah, do you mean like a metaphorical tower? Like he can't go out with a voice?
Starting point is 00:31:02 He is quite literally locked in a tower. Like locked in a tower? Like he can't, like with a voice. Quite literally locked in a tower. Like locked in a tower like he can't like she's letting me fast food. Wow. Locked in a tower. Right, right, right. Actual tower. Like she chooses all the TV shows.
Starting point is 00:31:15 Yeah, like she knows the cat code to his phone. Oh, definitely. Yeah, she's like unfollows people on Instagram. Yeah. I get it. I see what you're saying. It's not a good girlfriend. Can't be tied down.
Starting point is 00:31:27 But, you know, that's sort of macro problems. Micro problems is that we've got the Hounds coming after us. And I just, you know, these guys are, they're sick puppies. And he takes a deep breath, gets a serious look on his face. He takes a deep breath, gets a serious look on his face. There's apparently four of these guys, and the main one, Zalik, can smell magic, and knows if anyone's lying, and it's very easy for him to see tricks. So anything we do to try to trick them
Starting point is 00:32:10 needs to be layered. You know what I mean? Gotcha. And so on top of that, he also has this thing called a death lance, and if he knocks you out with it, you die. Huh, that's new information then. Pretty fresh information.
Starting point is 00:32:27 Not safe. Not safe. Well, with the mayonnaise. And he doesn't like tricks. Save your, say whatever level for revivification. Oh yeah, I'm saving them all. I will stock revivification. I will study my spells this evening.
Starting point is 00:32:40 Thank you for that information. It's a good call, Bev. Okay, so traps might not work unless we layer them in specific ways. Is there some sort of decoy we could do? I was thinking we could try and hide in these leaves or make a natural cover, but that might not be enough.
Starting point is 00:32:53 I think, yeah, he'll be able to smell us. Well, that's a nice thought to go to sleep with. Yeah. Oh. Death lance, huh? Death lance, guy doesn't like jokes. Shouldn't be a problem. we take ourselves pretty seriously. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:07 Here's a tough fact, gang. We're automatically to disadvantage because we care about each other. So just know that if they got a knife to my throat, do what you gotta do. Bev takes a walk. Yeah, I'm I got to be honest. I will I will fight for you. If I will fight for you. Like what I've got to do is fight for you. So there's no there's no scenario where I let you get killed. I will get killed before you get killed. Bev is like a yard away stomping on leaves, having trouble processing any of this.
Starting point is 00:33:45 Hard one is sound asleep. Hahaha. Sleeping really well and deeply. Yeah, snoring just a little bit. Uh, Bev walks back up. We just got you back. And even if that's a weakness, we'll work through it.
Starting point is 00:34:01 We've done it before. The chinks in our armor lead right to our armor, right to our heart, and there's nothing stronger than that, okay? No, you're right, Bev. I'm just saying they're gonna try to use us against each other. Do they have any sort of like mental, mirage sort of, very, very,
Starting point is 00:34:20 I've only heard rumors. They've got a mage with them. They've got a mage with them. They've got a dryter with them who's like a half-drow, half spider, and they've got a champion guy who's just very strong. Well, I gotta be honest. If they're gonna try to, like, try to use us against each other, like, I'm not, there's no smart decision where I let them kill you. Like, that's just not an option that would be betraying who we are To an extent that we're just not willing to do there's no strategy to
Starting point is 00:34:51 Like betraying who we are See that's not a move bebs in your nods. I'm just saying, you know if they go to kill me It's like a 85 years old, you know, you're 16 15 like a 85 years old, you know, you're 16 about it. But like the Newtie mags? Everyone's tired. Listen, if you were on a big business trip out of town, and I think she was lonely and I was 11 and I didn't know what to do about it. But I don't think you have anything to worry about with mom.
Starting point is 00:35:42 All right. I gently removed myself from this conversation. Yeah, you guys all get ready to go to bed. And you see, uh, Bev senior walks over to you, Bev, and he goes, um, Hey, you know, so, um, hopefully when this is all over maybe since time is Different here. Yeah, maybe you guys just relax and we can hang out for like a month or something I'd like that I'd like it too We've got a lot of catching up to do honestly. Yeah, you more than me, but I don't know we've had quite a month
Starting point is 00:36:23 I've had quite a 25 years. Do you want to start now? Yeah. So you guys stay up a little bit. You guys trade stories before falling asleep next to each other, father and son. Boundor sleeps, puts his bed roll near where his old little house was and goes to sleep. Hard one's been asleep for hours at this point. And Moonshine, you do your trance. So while I'm in my trance, I need to commune with Melora, her in different self, her in different self and say hey girl, I know that you are busy, I know that your calendar is
Starting point is 00:37:16 Marked the fuck up, but I need your help right now. I need some insight. All I need is just a little bit of guidance Maybe I'll like make a circle around myself with some of this like nice water out here. Okay So you you do know that here. Okay, so you do know that Melora exists on the, she kind of like wanders the material plane almost. So it's, it's near here, but it's not quite the Feywild, but go ahead and roll a religion check. Nine. So with a nine, you're not going to get anything super specific, but you do see a brisk breeze blows through. And you see laying on the ground like near Balnor, we'll say Balnor has been carrying Queen Cerro, we haven't talked about her much. She was probably on Bev's senior's mount as you guys are traveling. You see, brisk wind goes through her hair as she's on the ground there. Okay, I had actually a very specific question, but Malora, you know, thank you for your guidance. Thank you for stepping in. But that does bring
Starting point is 00:38:20 up a question I was going to ask to, I was going, I'll just ask my questions to the group. Yeah, so you guys, you guys all wake up, you guys have gotten your six, eight hours a day. I have to say something that I think is like, I feel a little bit bad about saying, which is that I'm much more concerned with protecting y'all than I am with protecting Queen Zerilla. Oh sure, there's a hierarchy.
Starting point is 00:38:43 Yeah, we're on point with that, no? Long die the Queen. I know that protecting Queen Serilla. Oh, sure, there's a hierarchy. Yeah, we're on point with that. Long die the Queen. I know that it's not right. I know that it's not right to say that, but I just don't know enough about her court politics. I don't know. I'm not ingrained in her world. I can't say.
Starting point is 00:38:56 Well, what you do know based on what has been conveyed to you is that if they get Queen Serilla or if somebody bad puts on that crown, then essentially all of them become evil. Essentially. Yeah. Can I put on the crown?
Starting point is 00:39:13 You could. Then you'd be bound to the Feywild, but you could potentially do that. I don't want that future, but it's interesting. Politics is a hell of a drug. Munchen, I understand that we're the priority, but if Cyrilla goes down, if she dies, then all of the green nights go with her. Well, it sounds like her crown is actually the bigger liability.
Starting point is 00:39:34 It sounds like if they don't care if she's dead, they just want her crown. So I might not be as concerned about protection. Her, yeah. It might be the sort of thing that like it would involve some sort of ritual to remove it, or even if they killed Yeah. It might be the sort of thing that like, it would involve some sort of ritual to remove it. Or even if they killed her, it might unleash some sort of,
Starting point is 00:39:50 I don't know. Yeah, you don't know if it's quite as simple as like, you stab them and then you just like get a crown. It might be booby trapped, you know? Might as some sort of curse. I poked her head really, really lightly, just to see if she's awake. You see her crown is fully like part of her head.
Starting point is 00:40:06 Okay. Okay. Now I just sort of like jab her shoulder really. It's less of a crown and more of those sleeping, yeah. Hey, hey. I think she's, she's good, I think she's out. But hard one, I think it's less of a crown and more of a body mod actual.
Starting point is 00:40:21 Got it, got it. Yeah, it's like a big piercing up in there. Just kind of hoping that she would wake up. She's a awakens with a start. She's never heard something. Oh, wait, wait and try all kissing her. Yeah. Queen's a real it.
Starting point is 00:40:35 Do I have your permission to try to kiss you to wake you up? Silence is not consent. Moonshine. I don't think she did not reciprocate my feelings. Yeah, you see, Bev Senior goes, as a night of the summer court, I feel extremely uncomfortable with using her as bait. I would prefer to like build something to like defend her in or something like this. Wait, I think a trillis might be like a cat. What did we use in Tangle plus nature's rack
Starting point is 00:41:06 to make her like a cocoon? A cocoon's a good idea. Okay. Cool. Balnor, this is your home. Really? Where did Bobby use to hide when it was time for him to come home?
Starting point is 00:41:18 Not to bring up any memories. Oh yeah, it gives a thousand yard stare. Balnor, tell me a little bit, tell me a little something something I want you to do something painful, but it's gonna pay off It's gonna help these he walks over Near where he told you his like old Little half-ling house was it's near this one tree and there's some there's a little set of pricker bushes near it And he goes like these suckers are nasty I used to try to cut the thorns off them bad boys But you know they always grew back you got half roses you got to have thorns no norm all right I'm gonna try and speak the thorns off them bad boys, but you know they always grew back. You got to have roses, you got to have thorns, no more.
Starting point is 00:41:46 Okay, all right. I'm going to try and speak to these prickler bushes. Okay. You're casting speaks. I have broach. Yeah, I want to like regard them very reverentially and just be like, oh great prickler bushes of this beautiful streamside property. I have heard lore of your pricks. Finally a little respect around here.
Starting point is 00:42:14 You are surrounded by, you know, Leap and Tuna and bread trees and mayo nuts and yet Bread trees and mayo nuts and yet I only have eyes for you and I need you. And you'll pledge yourself to me. Absolutely. I get down on one knee. That's the need. What's your first push? Yes. Oh, great.
Starting point is 00:42:41 Pricker push. I've been the knee to in service of you so that you might extend to me Just a little bit of your ability. We serve noble kings and queens Go ahead and make a persuasion check with advantage. Okay Shout out to the two crew, but I'm gonna go with the 14 so 16 you see the bushes begin to move, and these little thorny branches pop out almost like
Starting point is 00:43:11 little tentacles. The pricks are growing. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Actually, what I need you to do is I need to bequeath you, the most valuable thing on my person right now, and I need you to defend it I am a powerful bush. Yes. I need you are the safe behind which I want to store my most precious gems Many a pair of pants has been snagged upon you You see Balnor looks super nervous around this bush. We sure we want to do the we want to trust this bush gang
Starting point is 00:43:45 Oh, I trust this bush. We sure we want to do the, we sure we want to trust this bush gang. Oh, I trust this bush. Trush the bush. You see it extends branches out to you, and you see the thorns fall off those branches. Good sign. And thick wheat, I mean, and prick we trust. And I put cerilla on its little tentacles. You place Cerilla in these branches
Starting point is 00:44:10 and you see they wrap around her as if to hold her. And then almost like a giant spider spinning a web around something, they start to grow roots around Cerilla and put her in like a little cocoon and then you see the leaves of the bush like grow around her and then a few other bushes sprout up. I get onto both knees and I kiss the ground from whence the roots grow. A few leaves from the bush come out and I guess kiss you as much as a bush can kiss someone. I just love a little tongue, little tongue.
Starting point is 00:44:48 We're going into battle, little tongue. You make out with this bush. Turn your head, turn to Beth. Damn, moochine is cleaning up on this adventure. Her lips look really red now. That is poison ivy. Hard one that is absolutely poison ivy. Swollen infected lips.
Starting point is 00:45:04 I'm gonna have that taught. You see Beth senior looks at this and he goes, That's a really bad one. That is absolutely poison ivy. Swollen infected lips. I'm gonna have that's hot. You see, Pep Senior looks at this and he goes, well, yeah, yeah, they're very least. They'll certainly get tripped up trying to get to her. We'll hear them coming if they're trying to grab her first. We can buffer it further. Yeah, I could cast Nature's Rath to kind of create
Starting point is 00:45:20 an extra barrier. You gotta see, she's under like a bunch of bushes right now. Unless these guys can come in Incinerate these bushes and grab her and run without you guys doing anything. She seems kind of safe Yeah, okay, this is Bush Bush on Bush on Bush. Let's just lay in wait and see if these guys come Should we go in the trees right above? Yeah, let's go. Okay, so you guys wanna climb up a tree? Not yet. Before we do that, I turn to my dad
Starting point is 00:45:50 and I ask him if he will adorn me in the traditional Green Night armor and face paint. I've been wearing, like the green, I've been wearing green teen armor a little now. I've been wearing the junior Green Night. I'm asking him to like confirm me fully as a full Green Night in this moment. Wow, it's been a long time since I've been wearing the junior green night. I'm asking him to like confirm me fully as a full green night in this moment. Wow, it's been a long time since I've done the ceremony,
Starting point is 00:46:09 but yeah, babe, I think you've, I think you've earned it at this point. We can do the abbreviated version. Yeah, I talk to Alonis and she spoke very highly of you. It's like pretty much the best parent-teacher conference you've ever had, son. Did I get all S's, all satisfactory? You got all satisfactory, you got S pluses Wow. Yeah. All S's all satisfactory.
Starting point is 00:46:25 You got all satisfied. You got S pluses. S pluses. Yeah. I blush. You bend the knee in front of your dad. Plus impressive than a bush, but you know. You're at her right.
Starting point is 00:46:38 And your dad takes his sword. He holds it aloft. You see it shines with green energy. He places it on your left shoulder. He places it on your left shoulder. He does it on the other shoulder. And then he touches it to your head and you get like a little crown of leaves and branches around you.
Starting point is 00:46:57 And it forms your green head armor. I'll shelter the light and protect the ways of the engines. Damn, Sam, you look good. He's like this, I love it! Pretty floral, yeah. Papa's skin is important. That's the thing that your forehead is really low to you.
Starting point is 00:47:11 Yeah, it's good for the skin. Yeah, the light's good for the skin. Right off the ground just hides all the acne up there. It's great. Yeah. Can I take Bev's senior's side? Yeah. I just want to take Bev's senior's side and be like, Bev's senior, I'm going to say something
Starting point is 00:47:26 that might come across a little sassy. Sure. But the way you were talking earlier, is sounding like you had a death wish. And I just want to impress upon you that you have a son who still needs you for longer and a wife who is counting on having a nice little retirement with you. So, you know, I know that a
Starting point is 00:47:47 hero's death can be very romantic, but you got people who need you. And sometimes the most heroic thing to do is to live on for those people. You're gonna die an old woman warmen her bed. You see, Moonshine, Bev, senior nods, Munchan, a bad senior nods and he goes, She's got me worried about my friends, that's all. I understand that, but you guys are still young and I just want to make sure my son doesn't do anything crazy because...
Starting point is 00:48:19 I know, I know you're coming from the right place. These people, these unceiligly they're nasty, Moonshine. And you see, she does it away from Bev, but he lifts up his armor, and you see scars all over his body, like deep slash wounds and stuff. And he goes, I've seen what happens in war. I've been captured by them.
Starting point is 00:48:51 I've lived a long life. I know, but you just still have more to live is what I'm trying to say. And it's very important to me to get you back to Martha Toe Gold and keep you in Bev's life. He just really missed you. You see, he nods. I know that these may seem like childish needs in a time of, you know, epic.
Starting point is 00:49:15 Oh, there's nothing. There's nothing childish about any of this. Okay. Just want to make sure that your head was in the right place. You know, he kind of turns his head and looks at you moonshine. I kind of thought that he and the other guy were goofballs and you first showed up in my house with my Suns broken walk and stick but a hard one's juggling eggs Beth goes up to hard one and says how's my ass looking?
Starting point is 00:49:41 Well, well, you ain't no chump. I think it's all the mayo nuts. Ben Senior looks over. We play a quick game of grab that. That's good. I have been in the conversation and enjoying my grab that. And then come back to Ben Senior. Sorry, well, we say.
Starting point is 00:50:01 I was just going to say that you're just about the best scout masters a dad could hope for his son. That's very, very nice and I hope to live up to what you just said. I think you already have. Wow. Alright, bring it in here. I trust, okay, I just needed to check in with you. Had to have a little pre-battle check in.
Starting point is 00:50:20 Okay, it gives you a hug. Okay. This episode of NAD pod is brought to you by Bird Dogs. There are companies that make pants and shorts so no matter where you fall and the age old battle between the two, you can rest assured that bird dogs as you covered. Now we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's gonna be difficult. Luckily, Bird Dogs has made the decision of which pants and shorts to buy a little easier.
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Starting point is 00:51:44 Alright. Let's climb some trees. All right. So, yes. So, are you guys all going up in the same tree or different trees? But I'm wondering if we should like have one tree with all the magic folks in it and then two pincer trees with Balnor and... I was thinking since you know Featherfall and Hardwon has the ring of Featherfall that I could cut, that we could go up super high. Oh, got idea. That way. And then just Featherfall, that like I could go up super high. Oh, good idea. That way. And then just feather fall, that like I could go on
Starting point is 00:52:08 hard ones back while he feather falls. That sounds great. Let's do that. And you have someone go on your back while you feather fall. Yeah, I think I could support Belmore the feather fall. I'll say, if you're gonna be carrying someone your own weight, I'll say if you have like the bag a hold then you can carry somebody down with a feather fall. You can carry two people down with other fall if you.
Starting point is 00:52:27 Ball marg. Could I take the bag? You know, just this once, I had a lot of um, milestone fatherhood moments here and I feel like this is another one. It's heavy. How do you carry this thing? I know right? it can get up to 15 pounds so Really you'd be surprised how tired your shoulders get Actually, I've got a new strategy and I looked at the two half wings and I say three halves Let's get up in the street Three halves make a hole you guys you guys all scramble up into so are you guys so here's what I'll say so draw Have like sunlight sensitivity.
Starting point is 00:53:09 So, if they're in direct sunlight, they have like disadvantage, but I will just say for all of like the rules, lawyers and stuff at home, since it is eternally sunset here, the sun's never gonna get directly in their eyes or anything, so we're not gonna have a kind of... But what if someone casts daylight?
Starting point is 00:53:22 The daylight spell? That would affect them if you were to cast that. What is that like a 60 foot orb or something like that? Okay, that's a good orb. That could fuck them up possibly. Great, solid orb. But they could also just like avoid it, but it might be a good way to defend Queen Serilla.
Starting point is 00:53:39 Yeah, yeah. And they're all fake, right? Yes. Okay, so are you guys, you guys are in two separate trees trees haplings and one tree and the rest of you and the other? Yeah, okay, so these trees are like abnormally tall So if you guys wanted to go like 50 feet up in the tree you could do that. Yeah, I think we could still get some like good momentum from 50 Yeah, all right. Yeah, we'll do 50 and then I'm keeping an ear out and the second I hear What I think could be them?
Starting point is 00:54:04 Or the second I see anything, I'm going to go into fungal form. Cool. I'd also like the whole reaction to activate my sword. Got it. Using the wet stone. I'd like to do some pull-ups on the branch. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:18 Whisper across to Balnor. Just like get a pump on. Get them. Get a pump. The pull-up. The pull-up. I'm backpacking on you like a weighted vest The real ounce
Starting point is 00:54:27 Dog pound The real ounce the dog pound Bound or Look at how big the mayo nuts are up here Oh they're huge Just like big coconut size mayo nuts This is on the normal Just bound or is a quick elf essentially
Starting point is 00:54:41 Oh look this is got all this weird shit You see nanorflies start to fly. What? I can't get a couple. You can't get a couple. Are they glowing nanorflies? Yes, they sell you guys out. Did they glow with the sunset?
Starting point is 00:54:54 Yeah, they're like orange nanorflies, yeah. They're more like orange flies, I guess. Oh, they're cute flies. They're cute flies. Alora. Give me that cute fly. All right, so, all right. You guys wait, game phase.
Starting point is 00:55:06 I'm gonna start doing some rules. Okay, so you guys wait. You guys are up in these trees. You guys have asked the Pricker bushes below to protect Queen Serilla. She has been cocooned by roots and is under these bushes. You guys wait for a bit.
Starting point is 00:55:23 Cause wait for hours, several hours. You guys have now been up there, I'll say five hours up in this tree. Maybe that twin-aged goat's killed everybody. I think so. Very likely. It's just head on, I'm caught, I guess. Can I do an investigation to make sure
Starting point is 00:55:39 that there's not someone sneaking up invisibly or like, sure, go ahead and do it. Well, you wouldn't be able to tell that no like we do like a survival or nature to like try and listen for yeah You guys can do perception checks if you'd like 21 20 20 these fey these hunters these sniffers. They're evil right would my evil sense detect them my divine sense you do get a a waft of a little bit of evil stank. Ooh. What's the direction of that wall?
Starting point is 00:56:09 It's like a serrano pepper. Wall from the west, wall from the east. Where am I getting that wall? It's not quite as direct as you can pinpoint, but like they're on ya, and you kinda don't know where. I kind of report spores the letter of Renault that they just like, I guess, heads on a swivel, they are imminent.
Starting point is 00:56:28 All right, our fungal form. Or they're here already. They might be here already. They may be like waiting for us to make a move. Let's fucking wait for them to make a move then. Okay, are you fungal forming or no? Yeah, I fungal form you. How long does fungal form last?
Starting point is 00:56:40 An hour. Okay, okay. So you guys see, you guys are all up in these trees. Bev gets the little hint of evil. Signals to you guys, or report sports, you guys can talk. And after little bits, you see a toad begins hopping out into like the little clearing area. From where?
Starting point is 00:57:01 I should have moved. From the woods. I mean, I'm gonna be straight. I can't bring myself to just like bow and arrow toad. Yeah, that could be a bully walks in the ancestor. Exactly. Or it could be like, yeah, the ancestor, one of my first boyfriends. Well, shit, I'ma have to do it.
Starting point is 00:57:22 Hard one, the beast killer. Oh, the wood this blow, this might be to lure us out. They may have to scent this fucking toe to try and get us to attack it. I have my javelin fully cocked, ready to throw, and I all I hesitate. It could also be just like a scinty or a scout. If what if I could try and move like to another tree farther away, shoot from there, they'll think that we're up there and then you guys could still get a surprise. You tore that in yourself. Also, do we have any more lentils?
Starting point is 00:57:58 We have some poison berries that we saw. You guys see the toe begins to bounce towards the bush with Cyril in it. Oh, we gotta stop it. We gotta do something about that. What do you guys see the toad begins to bounce towards the bush with Cyril in it? Oh, we gotta stop it. I gotta do something about that. What do you guys do? Uh, oh, do we have any jars that we could drop the toad? We're so high up in the tree. Mine is kind of like a nanofly luxury apartment at this point.
Starting point is 00:58:16 It's true, yeah. Toad hops into the bush. I throw it by javelin. Yep, you throw your javelin. Go ahead and make an attack roll. 23. Okay, so as he's throwing the javelin and tandem, I'd like to cast Daylight on the bush.
Starting point is 00:58:29 Yeah, you better not just be making me kill a frog. Okay, hard one. You see javelin goes down, hits this toad. You see, as you hit it, it turns into this little like monkey demon thing and you kill it, it's like, it's like, and it spazes out and dies.
Starting point is 00:58:50 Moonshine, cast daylight on the bush, whole area lights up with light, with unnatural sunlight. That's for an hour, baby. So light radiates from this bush 30 feet on each side. So a hard one, you just killed this toad that turned out to be a demon. I killed the demon, not a toad.
Starting point is 00:59:09 You killed a, okay. Okay, that one though. You killed a little frog? I wouldn't have thrown that, the javelin, if I had known it was a demon. I was a frog. You saw it was a demon. I was just frog hunting.
Starting point is 00:59:19 What did you do to that frog? You transformed it into something wicked. I saved the queen. Ha ha ha ha. All right, I guess we're keeping our eyes peeled. Should we just send you out? you do to that frog, you transformed it into something wicked. I saved the queen. Ha ha ha ha. All right, I guess we're keeping on our ice peel. Should we just send you out or should we keep waiting? Make the obvious you know we're here now that we've thrown a javelin.
Starting point is 00:59:33 I mean, I want them to fight, so let's just give it. So I'm out. Let's give it another couple minutes, see what they do. We try and like put out any lures, we like respond with a toe to our own. Do you have one? I can like mine our illusions, something. Yeah, any tree toads, any treeures, we like respond with a tote of our own. Do you have one? I like minor illusions something. Yeah, any any tree toads, any tree frogs, we could just throw down there.
Starting point is 00:59:51 Go ahead and do a search for a, yep, toad search. I got a, what do I add to it? Nature? Uh, just toad. Perception. Perseasion. Uh, perception or nature? Perception, persuasion, survival, perception or nature. 20. Yeah, you find like a squirrel, a chipper monk. I don't know if you'll good to just throw in a chipper monk down there. I do it. I, okay, I've had hard one throws a chipper monk
Starting point is 01:00:16 down the tree after throwing the javelin. Our position is well known at this point. Let's just go down. So Hard one You've just done this javelin you just throw in this chipper monk All of a sudden you feel like you're having a hard attack you're like Go ahead and give me a constitution save Jesus let he who cast the first squirrel. Yeah, I guess I'll use a luck point. Okay. I had advantage on that thing through and I rolled two twos.
Starting point is 01:00:45 Shout out to the strong start. 17. Not gonna do it. Hard one, you take 33 damage from the harm spell, and your max HP goes down by that much. So you cannot be healed by that until you are cured of your disease. Your heart keeps stopping. It's like fucking terrifying. Did you say disease? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:01:06 Then I cast lesser restoration. Cool. Nice. Um, hard one. Your disease is cured, but you do still take this 33 damage. Got it. Everybody roll initiative. 10. 23. 15. Moonshine. You are up. That is your turn you have not you guys can never get a surprise round though before it we going to initiative I use my restoration yet so now it's your turn but you don't see anybody you just know that hard one just got hurt and you don't know that they know where you are
Starting point is 01:01:39 you know that hard one through the javelin and you put the daylight up but a javelin has a much more obvious trajectory than a spell one. Hard one I think our covers blown you cool jump down there. Yeah let's do it I don't have another hard attack. I shove hard one and we leave down to the daylight. If Hootin's gonna shove me I want to amend my answers so say that one more time. Yeah hard one our covers both I think we should jump down. What? And I shove them so that we feather fall down. guys both feather fall down. I'll say with like 50 feet I'll let you guys do some bullshit with the ring of feather fall and you guys don't take any damage you guys land on the ground You land in the daylight
Starting point is 01:02:16 Moonshine there's nobody there we circle up. Yeah circle. You guys are love you like hold the reaction seem smart Yeah, that is hard once turn. I guess I'm I'm gonna hold the reaction. Seemed smart. Yeah. That is hard one's turn. I guess I'm gonna hold the reaction as well. Okay. But we're gonna start sort of like circling. That's gonna just look cool. That's good flavor for us. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 01:02:37 They're intimidated for sure. That is the Hound's turn. Rut-Roh. They don't hit me. Queen Cerilla. I. Queen Cerilla. I'm Queen Cerilla. Ha ha ha. Heart-Roh, play along.
Starting point is 01:02:49 She's Queen Cerilla. Ha ha ha ha. Ag I really want to defend me. I'm there to defend Ruth my life. I'm there to earn. I'll say moonshine and hard one go heading to me perception checks. Okay.
Starting point is 01:03:03 12. Uh, 20. Hard one. and hard one go ahead and give me perception checks. Okay. 12. 20. Hard one. With a 20, you catch this spider woman, this half-drow, half spider. She wears silver scale male and a silver band to hold back her hair. She's got white hair and blue skin.
Starting point is 01:03:23 Her lower half is a thick spider torso. Her top half looks like a dry elf. You see she's got two swords but right now she pops out behind a tree and casts darkness over the area. Oh well maybe I can cast a spell magic as she's doing it. Is that what you would like to do? Yeah I might just spell magic. So you cast a spell magic as she's doing it. Is that what you would like to do? May have some. Yeah, I might just spell magic all. So you cast a spell magic, you undo the darkness. Yeah, bitch.
Starting point is 01:03:51 Daylight beats the darkness, bitch. I'm going to smash her in the face. She's far away. Then I pick up my javelin that's in the circle and I'm going to throw it at her. Okay, you're going to use, okay, I'm going to say she has half cover. So go ahead and make a javelin through there cool
Starting point is 01:04:07 Shout out to the three creed See three creed Javelin flies out hits a tree and she skitters back Go ahead and give me another perception check guys Okay, ooh 21 Hard one 21 is well you see a Okay. Ooh, 21. Um, hard one. 21 is well.
Starting point is 01:04:27 You see a buff, Drow elf. He's like an athletic Drow. He's got his long hair up in a bun and flowing down on the sides. He wears a black cloak over chainmail and he's got a Symitarn one hand and a whip in the other.
Starting point is 01:04:43 But he holds his hands up and he's gonna cast darkness on this area. Y'all suck. Keep the spell alive, keep it going. I throw the body of the toad at him. Ha ha ha. So the darkness takes over and I'll say
Starting point is 01:04:58 with the darkness and the sunlight, they're just canceled out and it's just back to how it looked. Oh, that was a good idea. Made them burn some spell slots, I guess. Yeah, someone tells me they got tons. And then, suddenly, hard one, you are stabbed in the back by an invisible lance. Why wouldn't I be?
Starting point is 01:05:21 21 damage on the first hit. Two second attack. Misses on the second attack, even with the advantage of being invisible. Great. Misses on the third attack. Awesome, I clinched my ass really, really tight. And I trapped the lance in there so he can't remove it.
Starting point is 01:05:41 The assman's gambit. He won't stab me again. You'll have to fight me like a man because your lance is in my ass. The clap trap. And then you guys see a mage in like a black robe with like red trimming comes out and is going to call, or is gonna lightning bolt, not call lightning. Hard one, go ahead and give me a dexterity saving throw.
Starting point is 01:06:10 I am rolling so bad. We need you down here so that we can get your things, but I shout that out of Trey, that's not it. I guess I'm gonna use indomitable, right? To reroll the saving throw. Great, they're called. I still don't think I'm gonna give it. 14. Indomitable right to you roll a saving throw great. Oh, I Still don't think I'm gonna give it 14. I just want to say y'all are Even if y'all win. This is some pretty unimpressive fighting y'all seem like cowards
Starting point is 01:06:38 This is not something that I would that the barbs at the taverns would write poetry about. Yeah, this is Sneaky, this is Bush League. Yeah, this is like trashy. Your other drought trash. I'm not trying to learn anything from what you're doing. You take 24 damage. I'm looking to hurt. That is Bev's turn. I think God, can we say during the five hours that we were up in the tree that I cast aid
Starting point is 01:07:04 on Balnor and myself and- How long is it last for? Eight hours? Can we say during the five hours that we were up in the tree that I cast aid on Ballon or and myself and How long is it last for eight hours? Sure. Yeah, cool So we all just have X five extra HP. Okay, okay, so yeah, I'm going to cast feather fall on myself I'm gonna put them in my magic sack and I'm going to jump down almost like a Mary Poppins with a big bag instead of a Numbrawa and I'm just kind of going with my hand extended ready to touch hands hard one Sweet Do you have is featherfall bonus action spell? I think it's a full-on action then you can't do lay hands
Starting point is 01:07:36 Oh, no Let me double check you can just jump out and take five d6 damage your 50 feet up You can use your half your movement I think to climb so you can just climb down and it. I'll let you just climb down and jump down if you want to use your Move that you do that sweet. I'll catch bev too, so it doesn't get you ground. You jump down Hard one catches you You can go ahead and heal hard one. How much you need? Is you know, whatever can I be like 30 that'd be great. All right. I'll save some for like jump starts But yeah, you get 30 pick pick the lance from my ass, please
Starting point is 01:08:08 It's in there good So I am Queen Serilla's little brother. Oh, yeah, thank you as me Queen Serilla and my crown I'm ocean to Mastra has you just hear some whispering and drown You just hear some whispering and drought. Is that her? Is that her? No, stop. It's like... Anyways, Queen Cerillo would like to invite you to have a real fight. So as you, I'll say as you heal hard one, Bev Sr. and Boundor roll out of the bag, and they look up at you hard one, they go, which way were they? It was directly behind me, but there's a friggin' spider over there and a scrawny weird
Starting point is 01:08:44 looking drought guy over there We'll go after the scrawny guy I can't imagine they have great HP considering how much they had Bound or a bad senior are gonna go and do perception checks much a lurkies sure to them Bev senior finds one of the guys finds the mage you see goes Oh you goofball china hide are you cast and spills from your little tree uh runs over grabs him out from behind a tree and him and Balnor start taking fucking wax at him yeah bitch take that
Starting point is 01:09:17 see you should have pissed off our dads that's how you fucking fight a real fight. Told our fucking dads on you, man. I call my dad. Yeah, you hear Whisper from the invisible guy. Oh, you're gonna call your little dad, so I'm sorry. Yeah, my dad can beat up you and your dad. Call your dad. Let's get all our dads in here. I don't think their dads will show up because if I were your dad, I wouldn't be too proud
Starting point is 01:09:41 of you. Well, don't say that. You don't know my dad. Your dad is a daddy long legs. Ha ha ha ha ha. No, that's my girlfriend. Is it all those long legs to walk out on you? So, Bebs dad is going to take two swings,
Starting point is 01:09:55 hits both times. This dude does not have a lot of armor. This is the mage. This is the mage that they're going after. My dad, you see, his dad strats. He does 22 damage on the first attack. Oh, dad will master slash into this one guy He looks starts to look pretty messed up takes a second attack does another 21 damage this guy is Right fucked up. Oh hell. Yeah, that's my dad
Starting point is 01:10:22 Jesus, okay, and then Balnor's gonna take two swings. Crits. Yo! Joeper Bobby Balnor. You just see, you just see your Balnor go, ah! Ah! And Flawn decapitates this mage.
Starting point is 01:10:38 The end? Yeah! Is the mage one that gave me the heart attack? You hear a whisper from the invisible one. No, that was me and I liked it. I'd do it again. I Far down his land Oh, if I could smell that stuff of a very sensitive nose You know, we have a little saying back and go later on you messed with the dad you end up dead
Starting point is 01:10:58 You go for ghosts. That's right. You know a goof a ghost or a god or a buddy, right? You go for god's sake. I just want to point out to y'all cowards what happened to your brethren. He was the weakest. That's what you get for slinking. Don't be a bunch of slinky sallys. Can't slink. The invisible guy whispers in your ear.
Starting point is 01:11:19 I'm kind of the leader of the band. We have like a rotating line up. He's not an original. Oh yeah? Yeah? You're the leader, you're the front man. Oh yeah. Well your chemistry can't be good if you're rotating it and out.
Starting point is 01:11:31 What do you like some sort of like John Marin? You just have like a bunch of people that back you up? You have to be a singing drummer. Yeah, what's wrong with that? You keep the beat and sing. Munch on that's your turn. You think you're a Rob Thomas? You're not.
Starting point is 01:11:44 Holy shit. Wait, the mage is dead Yeah, this dude appears behind you guys He doesn't take an opportunity attack cuz he was just right there. This is this is Zalik This is the dude. He's got like black and leather armor. You see he's got a two rapiers at a side But he's got this lanch this like Pull with like a knife on the end of it. It's got like black smoke and you see little faces in it, like almost like captured souls.
Starting point is 01:12:11 And he's got this red band around his eyes. And he suddenly appears after the mages did. I forgot that that's a concentration spell. Hey buddy, we see you. I guess that wouldn't, you wouldn't know what that's like though. That's Moons Moonshan Stern. I would like to cast blight on him. Okay. What does that do? So he's got to do a Constitution saving throw got it 16 He saves okay, okay, well he still takes half okay. What is blight? Is that like a rash?
Starting point is 01:12:41 Boyle It's kind of like a you see yeah, you see Zalik sniffs the air. Blight incoming. Don't say it like that. Blight incoming. Blight me. Blight me, mommy. 33.
Starting point is 01:12:57 But he takes half of that. And then I spores him for 12. Oh yeah, you got that. I'm lightem, poison him. Blightem, poison him. I'm chop them. And then I just want to just want to dress them down. Yeah, dress me down. Is it like potpunk? Is that what it is? Your band? Yeah, just trying to figure it out. Yeah, you're like a huge, straight up a Brendan Uri all of your bandmates straight up left you bud. That is hard one Stern. I guess I'm gonna oh you know what I'm gonna
Starting point is 01:13:32 whisper into my Queen Samor. Oh, yes, thank you to somebody on Patreon, Twitter, or Reddit. And I'm gonna say, Gemma, baby, you up. Ah! Ah! Ah! I suddenly, the three kings appear in Colday and Luke's sleepy. Good to go from Gemma Angel. What?
Starting point is 01:13:56 Oh, no! Yeah. You're in it again, though. Oh, yeah. And this guy's in a band. Rise and shine. Oh, hit music, hit bands. I love that these guys thing that you would call them
Starting point is 01:14:05 for anything other than trouble. That's a real call. You keep saying it. You call him me, third. You say hot tub. Then you want to fight someone in hot tub. I thought the baby would just hang out one time. Tell you what, you helped me kill this motherfucker
Starting point is 01:14:18 and we will definitely just chill in a hot tub. All right. I've got some very expensive Elven wine you can invite. Ooh, I like that. Some between the hammerhead. That's an action. Oh, got it. Oh, all right.
Starting point is 01:14:30 I call the daddy's. Then can I use my action search? To then do two attacks, you mad. There you go. Shit. 24. 24. Oh, that hits.
Starting point is 01:14:39 You know what, guys? I got fucked up by Goofs because I wanted the invisible guy to be able to whisper to you guys, thus establishing that he's close to you. So I kind of got Goofed here, because he could have just attacked you and pieced. Whoa, so you tried to goof. I tried to goof. You never goofed.
Starting point is 01:14:56 It's what it's like. The boofs. You goofa boof, you end up. The band of boofs. 16 damage. But then I add, oh, then how does the, how do my little King's, King friends work?
Starting point is 01:15:08 They'll attack on his turn. Got it. Nat 20. Yeah. Yeah. That is worth all the saves he missed. Right. I was feeling so sorry for myself.
Starting point is 01:15:21 I was getting stressed. I was at a deep dark hole in the person. Your butt unclenches. Pretty stressed. 44 damage. Yeah. You see, he still looks like very confident. And he's doing all these like dare devil dodges.
Starting point is 01:15:35 And then you just smash him like right in the gut with his hammer and he goes, oh shit, is that a title track of yours? Get me, hit me order Ah, that smell Good I bet you're a nightmare of date I bet you know a lot about wine
Starting point is 01:15:53 I bet all the 17 year old girls you date I smell a fine eladren vintage Ha ha ha Ah That is... Their turn Azzatik yells out, Trista, Elix, get out here.
Starting point is 01:16:08 Whip me, Elix, whip me. And you see, you're a sick fuck. You see, it's like that, huh? Elix, the big buff dude runs out. All right boss, I'm coming for you daddy. Runs out, he's going to swing his- to what swing a little voodoo dollar something. No, he's he's like a big strong hard one dry with a man bun Wait, you gotta got respected. He looks better They're both hot and a different way. Oh guy your hell is rebuked
Starting point is 01:16:40 Yeah, I'm gonna tie a Who do you have a preference for, Loki or Thor? That's kind of the question. Oh, that's a tough thing. Okay, so he's gonna take two. Two swings with his long sword on hard one. Focus your fire. Shout out to the two crew on the first swing from Elix.
Starting point is 01:16:55 Hits on the second one. So, do my guys attack him? He does enter. Yes, so he's gotta do wisdom saving throughout. He fails, so go give her all. That's such a nice combination that you call the spirit guardians and then action surge. Yeah, I like that a lot Go ahead and roll out 3d8 Don't do and they just he's just gonna take this damage because he failed
Starting point is 01:17:15 Thank you. He's looking beefy though. Thank you kings 21 21 great you know jemba's out there saying you guys have open thing Yeah, yeah, she's doing her thing I'm doing mine. I met this girl named Triss last week He looks full stabs you. Oh He is gonna do a cemetery doesn't do to oh actually does do a lot of damage. I'm wrong. I'm wrong I'm sorry did Zalik getting whipped do something you'll see in. See, was Zalik? Yeah, I just hate saying that word. I know.
Starting point is 01:17:47 It just falls out of my mouth like a bunch of grapes. You get hit for 17 damage, and then you see, Elex does indeed whip Zalik in the back. Yes, whip me again, whip me again. Hey guys, save this for after the fight. Yeah, yeah. And then Zalik is going to, he's gonna make a wisdom saving throw. He does pass his wisdom saving throw, but he'll take half damage.
Starting point is 01:18:11 Go ahead and roll your 3D8 because he started his turn there. Cool. You know, most bands just have like fireworks at their show. The whipping thing is weird. No, it's like our thing. Well, yeah, I have to say it's a bit engaging. It's the most interesting thing you've done so far. Much more interesting than you've been hiding.
Starting point is 01:18:26 Are you met a commenting on style of this fight? No, I'm sorry, I wasn't. I was trying to be mean to them. I'm like, 11. Can we meet in my ABCs? 11? 11. So half of that.
Starting point is 01:18:38 Cool. OK, five. I guess I just prefer like a burlesque performance or something if we're really getting down to it. Yes, true. If you're going to break out the whip, but like at least get some tassels in there. Ah, Salik is gonna attack with advantage because he was just whipped. Oh, because he's a good, he's a dirty little boy.
Starting point is 01:18:55 Super dirty daddy. Uh huh. Ew. He hits with his death lance. I'm gonna use, I'm gonna tie my hair up and use my Elisha with my ear. Nice. 29 damage.
Starting point is 01:19:10 Do you do a hellish review? What is that? I think it's a wisdom saving throw. Or deck saving throw, I think. He rolls an at one no matter what. So it doesn't matter. So he'll take the 2-D 10 damage. Cool.
Starting point is 01:19:20 Did he hit with the death lance? Yes. Is that like, how does that work? He has to knock you out to kill you. All right, cool. So it's not like you have to pass a check every time you can hit with the deathlands? Yes. Is that like, if he, how does that work? He has to knock you out to the camera. All right, cool. So it's not like you have to pass a check every time you can hit with it. It's only six damage.
Starting point is 01:19:31 Six damage, okay. Oh, so if he knocks me out with the deathlands, I'm dead. Correct. Damn. But like, I can still revivify though. Sure. Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 01:19:40 He's gonna make a second attack. Hmm. If he wants. That's a 23 to hit. He hits 24 damage. Oh my god. And then he makes one last attack. 25 to hit.
Starting point is 01:19:55 Well, if he does more than seven, I'm gonna be dead. Okay. Tides a shifton. You guys see...alik stabs hard one through the chest with his death lance. And you see all of the life drains from hard one's sure foot. You see the ghosts dispel in the King's Hammer as Hard One drops the hammer. You see all of the blood drain out of his face. Hard One, do you have any last words as you your bad socks. Hard One dies and he pulls the lance out of his chest and tosses him aside.
Starting point is 01:20:48 You are not getting an encore. That is Drisdus' turn. You see this spider last. Your friend's dead. And uses her little spider legs to climb across the trees and everything and get over to you guys and she'll take some attacks on Beverly. Mrs. on the first attack. Mrs. on the second attack.
Starting point is 01:21:16 And Mrs. on the third attack. You see she's, you're straight up Lord of the Rings. She's stabbing down at you and you're rolling, ducking back, rolling out of the way. Probably somewhat horrified and inspired that a hard one, a hard one died, hard one's dead right now. I'm focusing on that, but I do have a big rolled
Starting point is 01:21:35 up Newspaper and I'm like whacking her with it. Okay, that is Bev's turn. All right, cool. Zalik is still next to hard one, right? Zalik is still next to hard one. Just, you've just seen Zalik is still next to hard one right Zalik is still next to hard one just you you you've just seen Zalik stab hard one to the chest all of the life drain from hard one and then he tosses him off Okay, so here's what I want to licks the blade of hard ones blood. Oh gross. Glad I wasn't allowed to see that
Starting point is 01:21:58 How's his blood taste like slice sicko and I hate sliders. Oh You're just pressing all our dank buttons. Okay, I am going to just do the biggest disengage possible. I'm going to take every opportunity attack that I can. I'm activating my Aby's Gibby boots and just bolting towards hard one so that I can defend his body as I attack Zalik. Sweet, okay.
Starting point is 01:22:23 So, a juristate gets an opportunity attack but she misses okay So yeah, go ahead and you can make an attack that's 19 19 hits all right good I'm gonna go ahead and I feel like there's no reason to hold back on smites right y'all yeah I think that this is the guy that we need to kill the most just cuz he unless we want to just burn all our Really good eyes? Okay, so I'm gonna do a second level smite. Real quick here, if y'all don't mind. All right, it's 22 damage on the first hit.
Starting point is 01:22:51 Okay, he still looks pretty good, but he's not like at full health. Like, Elix is at full health. That Elix looks good. Thanks, man. Hey. I just feel like, you know, like you could be using that whip for a lot of fun stuff.
Starting point is 01:23:05 Like you could start your own little circle. This is fun. Whip me, Elix. Just shh. Ah, you could be doing like cool little rope tricks. There's a lot of opportunities that don't involve beating up your friend. That's a natural 20. Yeah! See, that's how you're anything.
Starting point is 01:23:21 You need to attack. Uh-huh. I am absolutely gonna do a smite. I am upset. Not only did I see hard one get killed, I saw I'm killed in a way that involved with filmagics and just bad stuff, and I don't approve. Yeah, you see, Boundor is doing the like slow motion,
Starting point is 01:23:37 hobbits getting pulled away as Gandalf's die. Yeah. Ah! Ah! Let me take a moment. It's gonna be a second level smite. Okay, so that's That'll with a with the crit it'll be 60 it'll be six plus it'll be eight D8s D8s and then plus your modifier once I think what happens is like
Starting point is 01:23:56 Flowers start blooming on my crown But they wheat blood And I say I don't know what your problem is, but that is my scout master, and I need you to watch this. Ooh, hell yeah, flowers bloom on my dead body too. Also nice to say watch this after you've worked. You know, because it's what pressure's off.
Starting point is 01:24:18 You know what we've learned, dude? That's 40 damage. This dude's looking right fucked up. You see, he was like,'s getting all these like kind of flesh wounds from the whips and everything Be like yeah, I love pain and then you just like stab him right under ribs goes Yeah, if you know that a real pain fan would have loved that It's a spectrum you know, it's like the the pepper chart. Is this too much for banana banana? That is Bound or a Bev senior's turn you see the two half-ling dads are just like no hard one
Starting point is 01:24:55 And run forward at Zalik The pen your sir gets on Get away from my son you sick son of a bee. Oh, yeah dads versus daddies Bound or hits on both attacks. Bounder does 16 damage. This dude looks right fucked up. You've killed so many important people to me, you son of a bee. Then Bev's dad goes, Bev dad rolls in at one.
Starting point is 01:25:21 He misses big time. So good then. Does hit on the second attack. 15 damage. This dude looks insanely hurt, but he is still alive. Moonshine, that is your turn. You see, Zalik looks frazzled now.
Starting point is 01:25:38 And he looks at you, Moonshine. He goes, look, these are tough for you. They're tough for me right now. I'll call the rest of them off. What are your allies, you're dead. You're about to get your ass kicked by Queen Cerilla. But then actually what I want to do is I want to cast Heat Metal on his death lance to ideally cause him to drop it and then use my bonus action to go on a rage and jump on it
Starting point is 01:26:02 to try and wrestle it away from him. Very good. I will let, if you do Heat Metal, he drops it. You don't even need to wrestle it away from him. I'll let you grab it. Yeah, so I want to steal. Heat Metal? Okay, so he needs to do a saving throw, right? If he's holding or wearing the object and he'll take damage from it to begin with, no matter what, but if he has to succeed at constitutions, saving throw or drop the object, but even if he doesn't drop the object, he'll have disadvantage on attack rolls and ability checks until the start of my next turn.
Starting point is 01:26:33 So he takes a little damage. He could just die if I'm a key one. He's gonna take damage and I'm also gonna spoil it. He passes his saving throw, but. Okay. He's gonna take 11 damage. Okay. And then I'm gonna take 11 damage. Okay. And then I'm gonna spore him for 12.
Starting point is 01:26:47 So he takes 23 damage. Wouldn't you finish him? Okay, so I'm gonna take Hard One's hand and let his dead hand start attacking him, but then I'm also gonna call Balnor over and be like Balnor, curb stomp. I toss the bag to Balnor. Balnor takes the bag, he walks up to Zalik. Zalik goes no no we don't need to do this look
Starting point is 01:27:10 You still got do you have any but attacked? Drista you haven't even attacked Elex one of your companions is dead and he's like you're damn right One of our Companions is dead and you killed him you killed myrogate son, you killed my boy Bobby and you ruined my village but you're not gonna get away with it this time. And he uses a sword, he cuts off one of Zalak's arms and Zalak goes, you can't do that, you can't do that. Cut off his other arm and then Boundour grabs him and he holds his face close to his
Starting point is 01:27:42 face and he goes, takes 10 minutes to suffocate in the bag. Oh, yeah! Yeah! Yeah! You think you'll bleed out first, and then you just shove some in the back and tie some up. Oh, yes! I whispered a hard one's dead body.
Starting point is 01:27:57 I wish you could see this right now. You'd be so proud. And, Zalik fucking dies, but these other two guys are here. And those guys are sick fucks. And you see, when Boundore brutally kills Zalik fucking dies, but these other two guys are here. And those guys are sick fucks. And you see when Boundor brutally kills Zalik, Eelix and Drista are like, oh, this guy's cool, yeah. Boundor just turned into Nicholas Cage from Mandy, and I love him.
Starting point is 01:28:18 That is hard one's turn. Death save. Death save? Oh, I thought it was automatically dead. Oh. Hard one's turn. Ah. Death save. Death save? Oh, I thought it was automatically dead. Oh. Hard one. You are in this strange, in-between world. Like the Feywild right now looks like an oil painting.
Starting point is 01:28:37 Like it's gray and white. And you can vaguely see what's going on. But it's all blurry. And you hear a bunch of voices in the distance. You hear the voice of Gemma in the distance going, hard one, it's not your time yet, hard one, hard one, we'll be together, but not now, Gemma. You hear another voice calling to you. Son, join me in the halls of his guard.
Starting point is 01:29:02 And from somewhere else, you hear dissonant whispers, but amongst them you recognize the voice of his guard. And from somewhere else, you hear dissonant whispers, but amongst them, you recognize the voice of the widow. We can get out together. We can get out together. Mother. Hard one. You're hearing these from all directions.
Starting point is 01:29:16 It sounds like your dad and your mom are in separate places and gems in a separate place. You're being pulled in all directions. One light is trying to take you to like Morden and one's trying to take you to cord. You keep flashing from the Feywild plane to somewhere that looks like the autumn court, but it's all like dead trees and it's all dark
Starting point is 01:29:35 and it's all like desolate. And yeah, you hear your mother being like, we can get out of this place together. That is. Ooh, what a bad dream. Elex. Elex and Driz does turn. They're going to take swings at Beverly
Starting point is 01:29:52 because he just had this great showing. So Elex is gonna just take... I'm your new band leader. He's gonna take a couple attacks. Come hit me, it only makes me stronger. Whip me. Wh hit me, it only makes me stronger. Whip me. Whip me, daddy. But no, how old are you?
Starting point is 01:30:11 No, you liked it when you, hey, yeah, I saw him, you doing it. How old are you doing? What are you talking to this adult about? Don't knock this stranger, it's just kill that. It's in intimidation, dad. It's intimidation. 17 damage on the first hit. OK. Takes a second attack.
Starting point is 01:30:29 Hits on the second attack. 17 damage on the second attack. And then is going to whip Drista. I'm going to whip you on. You're a little spider ass. Oh, yeah, I like that. How many eggs fall out? I just get a lot.
Starting point is 01:30:43 So many. She takes, you see they're taking like a little bit damage when they get whipped. Down or those are not mayo nuts. That is. Down or is busy, he's got a body just kicking in the bag. Yeah, just wriggling. That stris does turn, she's gonna take three attacks on Bev. Mrs. On First Attack.
Starting point is 01:31:04 Crits on the second attack. Oh, 21 damage. Okay. Yeah, you see she slashes you and then like bites at you with her spider pincers. You missed up my crown. Yeah, you got a stupid little crown kid. No, this is the new look for the band.
Starting point is 01:31:19 No. We're all wearing this now. You're not in the band. We're kind of doing a 60s thing. They don't need a singer, are you a singer? Yes! Wow, would you a singer? Yes! Wow, would you be like the darkness? She does hit on the third attack.
Starting point is 01:31:31 I don't hate that. She hits for 11 games. Yeah, I would definitely pay to see that. That is back around to Beth. Okay, so I think what I do is I prepare a vilify. I take one of the components, and I guess I swallow it. I've never done this before. Sure, yeah.
Starting point is 01:31:47 You don't have to do that, oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. It fills you with magic energy and you feel powerful enough to cast this spell now. I rub my hands like a defibrillator. Yeah, yeah. And then I do the strongest, most powerful touch hands I've ever done.
Starting point is 01:32:00 What? Touch. Ah. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. So. yeah, brother. Guys, our resurrection rules are that you have to re-roll your death saves to come back to life. So, hard one, to not die forever needs to roll it.
Starting point is 01:32:18 So, hard one. Let me set the scene for you. So you are being pulled in three separate directions. You feel your mother in this like alternate dimension. You feel jamma and your dad calling you from two separate places. And then you suddenly hear in the distance, touch hands.
Starting point is 01:32:38 Go ahead and rule your first death save with advantage. And you don't get beves plus four. You're just in like another world. I got a 15. Okay, that's what I'm, shut that. I have with advantage. And you don't get Beves plus four. You're just in like another world. I got a 15. Okay, that's one. Shut up, I have an advantage. Well, both staying in case you quit. 60.
Starting point is 01:32:52 Okay, so you pass your first one. Go for number two. Oh, that's all it wants, wow. Yeah. 18. 18. Oh yeah. I'm in the positive column.
Starting point is 01:33:03 Five. Five, that's a fail. Oh. So you just gotta get one more to, you gotta get one more to get up. I could also use a luck point. Or you could use a luck point if you get a one. Right.
Starting point is 01:33:14 Yeah, I'll do that. 16. Yeah. Hard one, you can decide where you wanna go. You hear Beverly yelling touch hands, you hear your mother calling to you in this alternate dimension. That seems-
Starting point is 01:33:30 Just to try to entice him, can we say that? Like, I'm like leaning over him and my boots like in his face. Right. This is trying to tie some back. My hands are on his nipples. And then moonshine is leaning over. So there's a lot of play going on.
Starting point is 01:33:50 I'm going to say, um, mom, I'm coming for you someday. Dad, we got some unfinished business too. And Gemma, I love you, but I'm still a little bit of a fuck boy. Hey, moonshanin, you are hard one comes back to life. Oh, Laura! You are dead! You are super dead! Don't worry about it.
Starting point is 01:34:20 Don't worry guys, I'm alright. Can I do one of those hand, yeah, a kick up thing? Yeah, all right, cool. Hard one kicks back up. You got to get your roll to see if I actually land though. I'm gonna say with disadvantage, you're at 1-HV. Yeah, cool, so that's a nine. Okay.
Starting point is 01:34:38 Ooh, and then that's 1-HV. Ah, oh, yeah. It's a hard one kicks up, and and then immediately like all the blood goes to your legs and you just like fall backwards and you're at one HP you're just like catching your breath you see. We steady. Is it okay? His cheeks get rosy again.
Starting point is 01:34:55 Yeah, I was up for a second. I was up for a second. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys still have this crazy death spider over you and this big buff dude. That is Bev Seniors turn though. In the game. He's going to take a couple swings at this buff guy with the whip. And he hits once for 23 damage.
Starting point is 01:35:16 Foxes guy right up. Bounder's going to take two swings. Oh, it's so good to see you, Gadson. He gives you a big dad smooch on the cheek. He hits both times. He's gonna do 16 damage. Elyx is still looking pretty healthy. That is Moonshan's turn. A. I think I'm just gonna go ahead and do a... I can look at Bev's amulet too. So if you want to fuck somebody up.
Starting point is 01:35:45 Okay. Totally should. Cool. I'll become barbarian and attack the spider. Sweet. Wait, have we attack, oh no, we've been attacking Elix, right? Yeah. An attack Elix.
Starting point is 01:35:55 Okay. Yeah, we gotta get rid of that whip. Does a 28 hit. Yes, believe it or not. 21 and this four is for 12 so 33 Yes, yeah, you fuck them right up. Yeah, it's hard one. That's your turn all right. Thank God you saved some for me The goofs are in the bag. We put the goofs away for this one. Goose are gone. I know that funny about this I
Starting point is 01:36:21 First of all hug bev and moonshine just for a Miss you so much I feel like I feel like I could I could have been hugged uh uh I'm just kidding I'm kidding I was in the bag
Starting point is 01:36:33 yeah oh he opens it a little bit you see this dude with no arms squirming in there I doubt you're gonna face really quick oh um alright so I'm going to
Starting point is 01:36:43 swing my queens hammer at zeelix the one that we're we like see Alex alright 19 19 hits Kewelie fucking hard one died So you're once welcome pointed down you're not gonna be able to do this all the time, but nope it's well I got him out this time. I guess Bev has a new collection task now. Hard one's also the best person to die with the luck points. Because if things got real dire, 23 damage. Okay, Jesus, good shit. And I'm gonna swing the hammer eight second time.
Starting point is 01:37:18 Speak. I'll use a luck point. Okay, burn him. Glad I did, 24. Yes. For 25. Yes. Fuck, did. 24? Yes. For 25? Yes.
Starting point is 01:37:27 Fuck, Dandy is fun. 21 damage. He's super hurt. That's too stressful. Okay, this is a little too heavy for me, brother. What do you say we call it quits? Call it a tie. Yes, this is a risk.
Starting point is 01:37:40 No, we're definitely going to kill you, but I do need to hug my friend one more time. I go back and hug Bev and look at his amulet Get up in there. Thanks kid. Go ahead and give it a smooch real quick. Oh, where do your parents live? Because we need to know where to deliver your body Actually don't have a great relationship with them That's right. Sorry of that They're gonna go ahead and take a tax e-licks will take two cracks at bev if he whips me and take attacks. Elyx will take two cracks at Beth.
Starting point is 01:38:03 If he whips me, will I get advantage? It's only if it's an ally. He actually misses twice, though, but he is gonna whip to his gun. I like persuade him to whip me. Ha ha ha. Okay, that is Drizz does turn. She was just whipped, so they're into that kind of thing,
Starting point is 01:38:20 so she's gonna take a attack with advantage. I do respect, I feel like, you know. Yeah, don't kink, shame on them. Well, kinks like them. The thing I don't respect is that they're killing people. It's not the right route. Right, it's between them, it's fine. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:38:34 She doesn't bring other people. 17 damage on the first attack. Okay. And that she's taking two more attacks. Misses on the second attack. Misses on the third attack. Ooh. That is back around to Bev.
Starting point is 01:38:45 Okay, I'm gonna look at my amulet. Okay, for a little bonus, hey. I'll get that addition done in a second here, but for now, I guess I'm gonna keep hitting Elix. Sweet, take away that whip. Okay, say like, hey, slice him off a piece of that. I could be your little cabana boy. No, you're so young.
Starting point is 01:39:03 You wanna hang out in your cab? Stop, no, this isn't young. You want to Ike you want me to hang out in your cabin? Stop. No, this isn't cool. Invite me over to your private club in Washington DC. I've turned to Bev's dad. You should be very proud. What is going on? What are you teaching him? It's comedy, Dad! All right, take your swing. I'm going to do a second-level smite Okay, 27. Yep, great. Okay, that's going to be 25 damage. Beverly finish him. Oh, my elix. Okay, I think I wait for him to try and whip me, and then I let it wrapper on my sword, and I rip it out of his hands. Wait, no, that's my whip.
Starting point is 01:39:44 And then I toss it to moonshine and let her melt metal it. Oh, he metal it? Yeah. Yeah, okay, I heat metal it. And then I whip them across the back with it until he dies. Oh, Jesus. Jesus.
Starting point is 01:39:56 Just these horrible, open gaping wounds of radiant light that completely fill his body. You see the whip opens a wound. And then, yeah, radiant energy goes all through his body, and he explodes. Is that too much? Did I pass the safe word? He's dead, kid.
Starting point is 01:40:12 Yeah, I mean, you're done good. Okay, looks like you're a solo act. You've been seeing your charges forward. Hits on one attack. He does 25 damage. Drist is still pretty healthy, but she can't take a million attacks from all y'all. Boundlar hits once for nine damage. That is back up to Moonshan. Okay, hard one. You need a big carrot or connective Rageon. Rage. Alright, our Rageonner honor. Queen Cyrill is coming to rage at y'all.
Starting point is 01:40:46 Long live the queen. And I'm assuming that a 24 gonna hit? Yeah. Here for 21, then spores are for 12. Ah, sweet Jesus. 33 again, 33. She is my lookin' no matter what. She's super messed up, hard one that's your turn.
Starting point is 01:41:04 All right, not super messed up, messed up. I'm gonna go try to smush this spider. Yeah. 19. That hits. 21 damage, she's very hurt. Swing it again then. Cool.
Starting point is 01:41:17 I'll use my final luck point. Sweet. No. Two fours in a row. Okay. Huh. That went so often. You know what, he came back to life. Yeah. Two fours in a row. Okay. Huh. That's so often.
Starting point is 01:41:26 You know what? It just came back to life. You should go easy on yourself. Yeah, that had a long day. Trista looks at you guys. It's been fun guys, but I'll just have to see you all again. No. And she's going to cast darkness.
Starting point is 01:41:43 The area is covered in this fog of darkness. It's tough to see her. You feel her like dark away. You don't know how far she got though. That is Bev's turn. Oh, I mean, she's given up an evil sense. I can probably trace her. That's true.
Starting point is 01:41:58 Okay, I'm going to make a perception check. 16? 16. Okay, yeah, you see, let me see how far dark. We want to track her down, 16? 16, okay, yeah, you see, let me see how far dark. We wanna track her down, right? Oh, yes. She's definitely not getting away. Yeah, this spider, you know, this spider's trying to like crawl under your printer or something like that,
Starting point is 01:42:16 but I'm not gonna let it. And sometimes I'll put a cup out, slide some paper under and bring the spider outside. Not this one, this one. Sometimes the spider is just too scary to live. Yeah. Okay, so it. This is not the spider, it's just too scary to live. Yeah. Okay, so it's only a 15 foot radius,
Starting point is 01:42:28 so I'll say she was able to kind of like avoid the opportunity attacks around her, but you see her skittering off into the forest. She is about 30 feet away. I missed a step to her. Sweet, you're right up next to her. Oh, wait, shit, I'm out of second level spells. Okay, I'm at the top.
Starting point is 01:42:44 Then I guess I sprint towards her. Okay, and like I wave my glowing swords that everyone can to where I'll wait shit. I'm out of second level spells. Okay, I'm at that then I guess I sprint towards her Okay, and like I wave my glowing swords that everyone can see where I'm going. She's still close enough though Yeah, you got your hippie skippy boots your fastest. How oh yeah, that's true. Go ahead cool Well, I do wave my swords with people know like the direction ahead sweet Um, and like the tour guide yep This way folks this way we're headed to the library. It's a lovely library. The glowing nanoflyes are loving this. Sunset nanoflyes, right? Why do we call them cutie flies?
Starting point is 01:43:09 Cutie flies, cause I got a little orange butt. Cute. Um, can I attack? Yeah. Oh cool, yeah I'm gonna try and spill some eggs. Go ahead. Yeah. Shout out to the two crew, except I ignited my blade.
Starting point is 01:43:22 I get to make a little bit of a blade. Nice! When does that ever happen? I'm looking to make omelettes, so give me some eggs. I don't know if they're gonna be good, but we'll try 22. Yeah, great. I'm definitely gonna eat a spider omelette.
Starting point is 01:43:37 Okay, that's a 13 damage. Okay, and I'll go ahead and divine some sweet. So 2D8s, if you're doing a first level. That's gonna be 22 for my first attack. Cheese, she's quite hurt. Cool, I like, I kinda like using this whip for my smites now. But the whip does less damage.
Starting point is 01:43:58 It's like, yeah, oh it does? Yeah, it's a d4. But it still makes you feel like a bad bull. Okay, what I do is I attach my sword to the end of the win. Ha, ha. Okay, 27. I hits. Yeah, great.
Starting point is 01:44:11 One more smile. Yep. One more smile. Yeah. 18. Beverly Finisher. You see this spider woman is like skittering away. Catch you next time.
Starting point is 01:44:23 Ha, ha, ha. I say to her, it's time you heard some real music and I summon Polora's four lieutenants, the Beach Boys. We're gonna kill you right here. Kill, kill, kill. Kill you with play hates and we all stab her. Great, you and Brian Wilson, in tandem behead her, Brian Kielsen. While Micah loves, looks on, makes you a thumbs up. Mike Dea.
Starting point is 01:44:57 Mike Dea. Great stuff. You should have advantage Brian a little bit, but you're still cool. Yeah, so you guys, Beverly chases down, just like, you'd be skipping boots like sweat and chasing down. This lady jumps up onto the back of her thick spider legs, stabs her down with the help of the beach boys, of course.
Starting point is 01:45:19 And then comes walking back, covered in blood. What's eggs? and comes walking back covered in blood. What's eggs? I pantingly take out a frying pan from the bag where what's his face is still lying. Where's the alic is still lying out of it. And then I just make a little fire and quietly make some spider omelette.
Starting point is 01:45:44 As much as I make the spider omelette, you see Balnor pours Dalek out of the bag. He's bled out just this dead, drow elf with no arms and no eyes laying there. I can help you solve his head if you wanna make a little keychain, like I did with Miami. You can shrink it, it'd be kind of a fun project.
Starting point is 01:46:04 Can we also say that I made the yokes in the spider's eggs say, welcome back for Hardwa. I weep. Happy death day, bud. Yeah, you guys all see it, you see. I've done it before, but not like that. Not like that. That seemed extra real.
Starting point is 01:46:19 Boundor and Bev's dad kind of like collapse back gas per layer. There's just like blood everywhere. Ballnor looks at like his old halfling village. He's like, we did it. This blood will enrich the soil on one day a beautiful village full of so many mayo nuts will grow here.
Starting point is 01:46:38 Bobby's blood did not flow here this day, Ballnor shall it. You see. That looks blood, didn't, instead. Thanks, guys. So it's meant a lot to me. And you see, Bev Senior looks at you. Hard one, he goes, what's on the other side? But what's on the other side, Hard one? Hard one, don't get my dad to jazzed about death.
Starting point is 01:47:00 Yeah, it's nowhere you wanna go. It's sort of like a gray scale oil painting I heard some voices that I wanted to voices. Yeah So so they're coming from different directions my old man's over there my girlfriend's over there It's talking to my mom for for a bit I was talking to my mom for a bit. And we know? Yeah, the widow was saying we could get out of here together. It looked, the terrain kind of looked like this,
Starting point is 01:47:35 except everything was dead. You see his eyes go wide. Shadow fell. The plane of shadow. She's a lost soul. Yeah, and that's kind of my fault. I packed a lot of that. And that's where we'll end our session.
Starting point is 01:47:52 Ah! Ooh boy! We're gonna save my mom! Monty Quest! Monty Quest! Hey, that's all! Someday I can't believe parents. I believe her soul, not SOS, SHS.
Starting point is 01:48:04 Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Someday I can't believe parents. Her soul not SOS as HS. Shh. Shh. She's this. We got a lot to discuss on this. I know short rest is gonna have to be kind of like a therapy session for me today. Yeah, I feel like that gave me like an ulcer. I'm glad cause you guys weren't verbalizing it as much
Starting point is 01:48:20 and I was a little nervous. I was like, did we just take all the stakes away with the resurrection spells? No, when we have a big, you were made it very clear that this was gonna be a hard fight. And when that happens, I just get quiet and focused and stressed. Yeah, it's just like hard once, dad.
Starting point is 01:48:36 Okay, time to get serious. I knew someone was gonna die. So that wasn't a surprise, but it was still very, very stressful. Well, I was sure it was gonna be peff senior That was like equally stressful. This is all good fodder for the short Say all right guys, I'm giving me gray hairs head on over to patreon.com slash nad pod that's any DD POD listen to us talk on the short rest don't sing yet that's NADD, P-O-D, listen to us talk on the short rest, don't sing yet. I'm taking up good vibes.
Starting point is 01:49:07 For more Beach Boys theories, guys, we got some things to plug. Watch hot data on Netflix, meet an Emily sketch show. You can also buy our book. It's called, Hey, You Up, How to Turn Your Booty, Call in Transmurgency Contacts, Available on Amazon and on Audible. Call the way you get the plug? Watch dropout I got a show on there sweet. Uh, Jake we got beard oil every week. Oh, yeah, the body oil the sister Mr. Is that brother sister code? I use sister mister. You just let me know when you need another bottle I got him at home for you know it comes with a decent amount so I'm doing good. Oh, yeah, thank you for the review
Starting point is 01:49:42 All right guys follow us on Twitter at CH-Murf is me, at call the as-call-doll, Adi-Actra is Emily, at Jig Herwitz's Jake, and tweet about the show using Hashtag Nad Pah, that's N-A-D-D-P-O-D. We are, we are, the youth of the nation, we are, we are,
Starting point is 01:50:00 youth of the nation. I love you, mother. It's the end of the show, everybody, and that means we need to shout out our benevolent council of elders. Y'all so sweet. Oh, yeah, starting with Brad D, the only Pepple Pot that is in Craven, and the only Pepple Pot who could get through the scary part of Moana without anxiety meds. Wow. J. Loma 72 aka Steelbreaker Hard One's gym inspiration
Starting point is 01:50:28 always uses the free weights and is known to chuck free weights at exercise machines. Dylan B. a sword-wielding wizard surrounded by a floating army of blades at all times. It's a good thing the blades float because Dylan has cut both their arms off. Wow. Danny P. Bohumi has resident artist,
Starting point is 01:50:45 painted hard ones, senior portrait at the dwarf anage, also painted a tasteful nude of the bully-wug king. Tom P. Father of the Realm and serenader of sleeping babies, Tom has plus tend to stealth when sneaking next to a cradle to cradle to admire his kin. And much admiration is called for. Spencer, Cask Brew, patron elder of libations, ale maker to gods and heroes of Bohumia alike,
Starting point is 01:51:09 brewed a Feywild, a IPA, and you better believe it, hoppy. Griffin SD, aka the stranger, the silver dragonborn, elder tonight, ex-owner, the badgers' pint in and tavern, and also the owner of the badgers' pint in and tavern. That's right, they just bought a new tavern and named it after the first one. Hell yeah, beard man Dan the longest beard and all the whom you beard man Dan's beard is so long, it could cocoon, Cyrilla, Thornbush style.
Starting point is 01:51:35 Scott D, the only bully wug to ever have braces, a great shame to their family. Hermes W, the Bat King, just announced their bid to run for Bat President in 2020, which is weird because Hermes is already king. Spartus, a Glyath fighter with a bird familiar, bigger than hard one, and kinder to birds. Adam R, the R-rated assassin, does most of their killing to uncensored rage against the machine songs. Cassandra MHP, aka Cassandra Max HP, Cassandra has so much HP they don't die when they're hit by the death lance.
Starting point is 01:52:06 Danielle the Dastardly Dame, Danielle so dastardly that she hid behind a tree and pretended to be the voice of his mother when hard one dies. Q-C, A-K, Halder, Frostback, MVP of the Giant Wars, Crud on the SS Stormborn and Fautelog Side, Elias and Red also fought against Elias and Red occasionally because they could be quite messy and honestly not the best roommates. Many the mundane accidental deity who got in the way of a lichest spilt to reach divinity, when you order one thing of fries and the drive-through person gives you an extra one by accident, that's many given you some of his.
Starting point is 01:52:40 Daniel U, aka Multifor the many face magician, each of Daniel's faces is more terrifying than the last, which is saying a lot because number 6 is a doozy. Jordan DJ, legendary DJ of the Realm, fun fact, Jordan is actually deaf but can smell music. Cool! Jeffrey S, Lord of the Fjord, born of the sword and challenger of Bjorn. Bjorn is a big Viking dude and Jeff kicked his ass in a bar fight. Hell yeah, Cutter W, a high elf, dandy turned quick, bark a dick, just redid Glade Home Castle without anyone's permission. John S, aka Shubert the Mushroom, Shubert was actually brainwashed
Starting point is 01:53:16 by Fiala and is now a giant religious mushroom hellbent on taking over the world Oh no. Ryan M, the namesake of hard ones, Ram hard ones had a friend at the dwarf image who he neglected and forgot to call after they'd made plans. Elena C, a chosen soldier, so wholesome that they won't drink anything but whole milk. Andrew M, a bard with a knife, a knife, a fife that will kill you. Michael McD, headmaid'sologist at the Blumana Inn,
Starting point is 01:53:42 will straight up mock you if you order a mocktail. As a mocktail, Victor T. Belnor's boy, whose loving dad was ripped from his family and transported to another world, now who's going to teach him how to dance the Landler before the Macharra ball? Just an eye is a bird so big, they're often mistaken for a chosen angel. Clayton Amis, Claymation, Donation, who's in prostration. Bev. Well, the professional, the only lawyer to successfully beat pop-on litigation. Sadly has lost every single trial since then, including their trial for cheating in their case against pop-off. Jacob Z. A half
Starting point is 01:54:17 orc. Dark Jacob Z. Eats all their meals with a sport. Elena Am. A high elf. That's right. Alana smoked her up. Make pucks the amazing code master who programmed our website currently commissioned to code some dice that never rolled a two. Earl and Kathleen L. a gnome couple who actually went through with the four way with the suck you buy and it was hot as hell. Yum yum yum yum. Jive G. A centaur that invented horse pants. That's four legholes and they're cute as hell.
Starting point is 01:54:47 Corbin A, the only barber who hard one trusts to cut his hair, hard one has never met Corbin A, which is why his flow is so righteous. Just rich the jock ostrich after getting lots of swirlies in high school, just rich decided to hit the gym hard and now they only drink toilet water cause they like it. PJW aka Chara Arcadia, a tiefling warlock whose tail has a mind of its own, also has its own tinder profile and it has a fuck ton of matches. Daniel R. Ram Daniels, evil twin you can always tell which ram is Daniel, because they're wearing tiny little black things. Nicholas R. aka St. Crickless instead of milk and cookie, St. Crick prefers if you leave
Starting point is 01:55:26 out lukewarm crawfish and some crick water. That's gonna be another yum from me! Jennifer V. Maker of the THC Wörther's that Nanakine Leaf loves. Bet you didn't know that kid! Destin C. Winner of the new hit TV show in Chosen Rules Galator on so you think you can prance. Devin B, the Bodega Lord, their kingdom is open 24-7 and people have a general mistrust
Starting point is 01:55:51 about their tuna. Michael L, a swashbuckling rogue who only steals your heart. Okay, Sam H, the Griggs first ever accountant. However, no one does their taxes, so Sam stump is not that busy. Kelvin Noodle's Apostle Elemental has an angel-haired daughter and a son named Riga Tony. Oh, I like it. Sergio, Célezare, Solomon, Sakurai, S.D., Sukuni. Seventh of his name is sexy Peruvian snake folk with sweet snake patterns on his skin.
Starting point is 01:56:19 Recently shed his skin and guess what's underneath more hot snake skin. Traylee, the cray-fay who loves filets, fish, chicken steak, it don't matter as long as it don't add bones, Traylee is on board. Eren G, Master of the banishment spell. Instead of throwing away trash, Eren just banishes it to a pocket dimension. They still recycle though, because come on, they're not a monster. Eric B, the only uber driver in all of Bohumia, Eric Saturday nights are fucking packed. Jury S, found the pressed penny spell component that Beverly foolishly tossed away and used
Starting point is 01:56:48 it to save their ailing friend. Unfortunately, their friend was a chosen angel. Good go, and Beth! Alucard, a reverse Dracula, they can enter your house at will, but aren't allowed to leave until you tell them to. Luckily, Alucard always shows up with a six packs and no one really minds. Baby Doc, the only doctor to ever perform their own C-section. They celebrated by smashing their entire face into a large birthday cake.
Starting point is 01:57:09 Adam A. Chakrik Elf, who mixed things up by sleeping in a giant pumpkin instead of a stump. They own a throw pillow that said, home is where the goo is. Collin G, a winter alladron who wears shorts, no matter how cold it gets outside. It may sound cool, but in alladron society, it's actually a crime and it's punishable by death. Ryan Hardwan's Ram, who was brutally killed by Knowles when Hardwan abandoned him,
Starting point is 01:57:31 Ryan tasted so good that Knowles opened a slider restaurant named Ryan Ryan in his honor. Ryan Ryan, that's canon now. Big Buck, the only donkey to ever be vindictively killed by a DM. Big Buck recently went to hell where they kicked Acker out in the mouth and ruined his perfect face. Richard F. Acau who died trying to escape from the chosen's milk farms. They were later reborn as a penguin which ironically is one of the few bird species that produce a milky protein rich substance for their young. Taylor, S-A-K-A, trash the traveler, whenever they start a journey, trash always packs light,
Starting point is 01:58:06 one bag of holding two changes of clothing, and of course one washing machine dryer combo to wash said clothes. John W.G. invented the face shuffle, a more stylish version of the face step. It burns all your spell slots, but it's also a real showstopper, so win-win. Worth it, Troy McSeedy,y only ill-behaved green teen. Troy wears their badge sash as a belt, which caused Beverly to faint out of discuss on no less than three separate occasions. Cannibalist of Cthulhu, if you're ever over for lunch and Cthulhu offers you a hand-pie, say no unless you like the taste of human hand meat, then go freaking nuts. Sam L, a quick nannier fly fly who flapped their wings and caused a hurricane
Starting point is 01:58:45 in Smuggler's Bounty. They also farted, so the hurricane smells super rank. Dom R a powerful drow hunter who can sense magic purely by taste. They are known across the Feywild as the liquor. Josh S the revived cyborg version of Josh the Cobalt. Robo Josh is 10 times as strong as normal Josh, but is very susceptible to us so be sure to stock your water spells. Let's bring Demetri, owner of Dorgers Big Borgher, stop in now and try milkshake and they're all new cursed collectors cups, one in a thousand cups, traps your mind and body in the body of an ancient worm.
Starting point is 01:59:20 Caleb Storm Cup Bearer and Cords Great Hall, Caleb is accompanied at all times by Olive Boy and Vermouth Youth, the celestial twins who supplied Cords with martinis at a moment's notice. Andrew A. The new mayor of the crank, Andrew's first move is to install a high-speed quail. If you catch it, you get free crawfish for a year. Nicholas C. has starred in every single movie ever made in Bahumia, currently playing Berrick Briston in Battle Angel Theola. And yes, there is Oscar buzz. Matt Ella, chosen night who was ex-communicated
Starting point is 01:59:50 after introducing their brethren to a most sinful creation, the milkshake. Tar got owner and proprietor of Bahumia's beloved general store Tar got where hard one buys his Boston cream pie Yankee candles. Mike H, a former hound who, upon adopting a kitten, realized they were a cat person all along and also that they didn't want to murder anyone anymore. Kevin S. the glater on News Anchor who made headlines when they turned what was supposed
Starting point is 02:00:14 to be a fluff piece on the Allas New Infrastructure Initiative into a referendum on the shortcomings of her proposed budget. Trouble, a tiny mouse warrior who uses a needle as a sword, a thimble as a helmet, a press on nail as a shield, and a subway rat as a horse, adorable, and formidable. Garrett Am, a ranger who doesn't know how to track monsters but is amazing at following, the latest trends Garrett absolutely slays, the Pinterest game. Matthew E, the Oprah of Trinnyvale, similar to Oprah, Matthew E has their own magazine to which Gens subscribes religiously.
Starting point is 02:00:44 Samuel B, a dwarven ghost who's been spending a lot of time with Gemma lately, making some power moves like saying, who's he again? Anytime Gemma mentions hard one. B. Money, the official currency of the Bazinga B's is actually the most stable currency in the Feywild. Tail for G. A wizard who created a magic skinny T. That's basically some herbs that they cast reduced person on, and is considering using Onyx's Trinstagram influence to pedal it.
Starting point is 02:01:09 Guardian of Light, Zach H. Bohumi is only keyblade wielder, mostly uses it to help loosen people's back yard gates that have gotten rusty from rain. Mitch D. and Enlightened, Drunken Master, Water Genossi, named Dach Affa. Once they absolutely decimated the hounds, but it was at a game of darts. Curtis S once competed against and beat Onyx Lumiere and Obsidian at a showcase for Moonicorn Dressage. Coulton B also wields a mysterious shard that whispers into their ear, but unlike Onyx,
Starting point is 02:01:41 Colton's shard mostly tells them to buy Nabisco products. Barrett K. Barrett, Brisden's personal milk sommelier, anyone who's tried at Barrett's Barrett Kay's nipple nectar will praise its earthy musk and fein aftertaste of manure. Jen's Christian tea, another Trinnevellian. Jen's has suffered months of online abuse from Jen's Lindell, who's been trying to buy the Trinstagram name Jen's to the rescue for months. Gage M has the thickest ear gauges in Bahumia, unlike Jake they never get in fact to be,
Starting point is 02:02:08 but only because of an unholy deal they made with the olive in exchange for their unflinching loyalty. Montana monarch, recently weathered the cold spell in their kingdom with a ninth level heat metal. Melony F, aka Tiavina Seragon, and Asimar Paladin who drunkenly swore a blood oath, but forgot what for, maybe it was to a vampire? Maybe it's a literal blood oath? That would explain why they're so dizzy right now.
Starting point is 02:02:34 Eat a cookie and grab some juice, Tiavana, then let's get to the bottom of this. Ray Lee PS, a Feywild Gardiner who's really fucking sick of finding royal bodies in every bush they try to weave. And finally, Erin Cia, Somalia, so esteemed, they can tell with just a sniff whether the Moon Wine came from the Big Moon or the Small Moon, and that is it for this week, everybody. Thank you guys so much for listening. You can head on over to Patreon for the short rest. Patreon.com slash an ad pod, and we'll be back next week with another episode. Bye, sweetie. Bye. an ad pod and we'll be back next week with another episode. Bye Sweeties.
Starting point is 02:03:05 Bye. That was a hate gun podcast.

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