Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 62: The Knights of Penance (The Shadowfell Saga with Brennan Lee Mulligan)

Episode Date: May 23, 2019

The Band of Boobs and Deadeye meet the Knights of Penance, then hatch a plan to save Hardwon. Beverly meets yet another father figure, Moonshine converts to a new religion, and Hardwon loses control. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music/Sound Effects Include:"Crackling Fire" by sagetyrtle at Freesound.org."Gutless" by Emily Axford."The Montgomerys" by Emily Axford."The Red Fen" by Emily Axford."The Fat Monk" by Emily Axford."Sea Beast" by Emily Axford.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Welcome back to Bahumia, everyone. Bahumia. Bahumia. Bahumia. I'm your dungeon master, Brian Murphy joined by Jake Herwitz. Hard one, sure, foot, I guess. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Sort of.

Emily Axford. Moonshine, Sabin. Find Lil Philly in the fill. Ooh, love it, love it. That would be a post-refeat fell. Of course, of course, for the Shadow fell. The Shadow fell. The Shadow fell. The course, of course. For the trans-friar, the shadow fell. The shadow fell.

The fell is what they call their reality show. I wanna watch that. And called the little Tanner. Beverly Togo, the fifth. Walking around like he thought he knew who his daddy was. And special guest, returning Brennan Lee Mulligan. Did I sub in a gutless liar scored by fire? Ooh, yeah.

You're still don't like you, but it's good. I do like you, but it's only because you're my sibling. If you had just been a random NPC, I might, but Moonshine's so desperate for a sibling. Oh. You guys really do hate NPCs. If an NPC did this to you. You would kill me.

100% dead. This is honestly no-mish behavior. Yeah, you kind of gnome this. Yeah, you gnome this. There's not a major thing we could say. But since you're a problematic sibling, we freaking love you. Oh man, well I'm sorry I gnome Joe. Alright guys, let's do a little recap. So last week you all headed to the Red Fan to meet with Dead Eye's mysterious contact.

What you found there was a vampire club where desperate young mortals drink for free while vampires eagerly prey on their blood. While the band of boobs sat at the bar, Dead Eye went upstairs to talk to his contact, who turned out to be Beaumont Gummary, the youngest son of the most powerful vampire family in Grimhawk. Dead Eye received a box of bullets from Bo, which Bo claimed could permanently kill a revenant if it wounded them. If Dead Eye would use them to kill the leader of the Knights of Penance, Bo said that he'd

get him a magic lantern that would help him navigate the fog and exit Grimhawk. During his meeting with Bose, did I ignore Dessandi, the girl that you'd been trying to save? She was tied up and looked to be Bose next victim. Following the meeting, you all came together, but before heading out, Bevin Hardwan were summoned by two other bar patrons, Whalen and Scarlett Montgomery, two more members of the powerful vampire clan and blood suckers of discerning taste. Hmm, indeed. And we all know how that went.

The Montgomery's insisted that hard one in Bev join them upstairs, hard one called them freaks, and a fight broke out. During the fight, Scarlet Montgomery killed hard one, thereby infecting him with vampirism. Wait, what? Yes, that happened. I don't remember that. Did that happen off-my- You know what? Yes, that happened. I remember that. Did that happen off-my- You know what?

Can you recap what happened with Belnor? Or was he not around for the entire time? Do you want me to also recap what happened to like all of the other vampire spawn that were in that room? No, I don't. Then I had to like go ask backwards to figure out how to not kill you all. Backed into a corner, Dead Eye revealed himself as an ally of Beaumont-Gummery and showed off his new magic bullets. Scarlet agreed to let

Dead Eye use Hard One for the express purpose of killing off the Knights of Penance. You then dragged the unconscious Hard One out of the barn, revived him only to learn that he'd indeed been turned into a vampire spawn. You had it out with Dead Eye, who slowly began telling you the truth that the Revenants, the Knights of Penance were not actually as bad as he said they were. He just thought working with the vampires would be the quickest way out of Grimhawk. You gave him a quick pep talk about hope then began. Hoping God there was some talk about religion and such. You guys, the band of boobs kind of got their groove back. In a way.

Sometimes you need to go to the deepest, darkest place to find hope. I think that I was such a pessimist that it made the band of boobs optimists again. Yeah, we horseshoot. It's also very funny to play a character who truly legitimately had fucked you guys over, but was so obviously sad that his betrayal turned into you guys giving him a pep time. That's true. This is setting up an abusive dynamic.

Hashtag.dei is problematic. You guys then began heading to our Lady of Penance, the Church of the Revenants to try to get some help. And that's where we are now. So you guys are approaching this church. You see that it's a little bit bigger than a chapel, but still very modest. It has been badly vandalized. The broken windows have been covered up, all like boarded up.

Is there any graffiti? Yes. Can I have Papa dictate it to me? What does it say? Sure. Papa is going to do an intelligence check. Young scholar. I need your eyes on this. Oh, riririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririririr like dried blood, it's quite obviously dried blood, looks to be some kind of infernal language or just it's it's it's just stinks of vampires being bad.

Mm-hmm. Top body, you want to leave your own mark? Rainier. He leaves a respectful mo. I was just a classic lawyer. He starts licking the blood off the uh. Yeah, this red light in here. I whisper to Dead Eye.

That's his website. Wow, I mean, this guy's so he's incredible. This red lighting here. I whisper to dead eye. That's his website Wow, I mean this guy's so he's incredible. What what a what a If you ever have any legal problems come to pop-off I actually do Outstanding parking ticket. I have a Well, I I have a contract with the former lord of the shadow fell that I would love to get out of. Honestly, I push Papa towards him. So the parent, Papa looks a little bit worried. Rare.

Papa is a shark in negotiations. For the first time, Dad, I'm gonna take my hat off and put it over my heart. First of all, sir, I want to thank you very much for the opportunity. I really appreciate you taking time. I obviously, you know, sir, I want to thank you very much for the opportunity. I really appreciate you taking time. Obviously, you know, anything, I don't know how your payment plan is structured or if this is a pro bono situation or anything. Me, me, me, me, me.

Well, all right. Basically, I entered into a contract with an individual sort of entity, spiritual entity, Lord of the Shadowfell, and it's unclear to me whether the terms of the contract were ever satisfied or indeed if the contract is even still actionable because that Lord of the Shadowfell is gone. So I'm not sure if the contract holds with the new Lord or if it is, you know, washed clean. If it's kind of the word, the title inherits form legal obligations.

Does that make sense? You see, Papa is chewing at your ribs. You see that? I'm Papa's legal assistant in training. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm studying for the bar. The bar that Papa's currently chewing on. God, God!

I massage Poppah's tail face. Damn. So, this, this, this, Lord of Shadowfell, is it among gummiers or is it someone else? No. Lord of all Shadowfell not just Grimock? All of Shadowfell. How did you meet this Lord? Did you meet him on the material plane or?

Originally on the material plane, but the Lord of Shadowfellfell is going through and replaced by your buddy, Galad Roselle. Galad Roselle. Yeah, here we go. Yeah. So I didn't sign a shit with Galad Roselle, so I'm wondering if I can maybe pop off these away out of this. What'd you sign that contract in? Or was it more of a verbal handshake agreement?

This was a true handshake deal. I mean, real simple. I was on my knees in a cave. You know, I asked a question. The former Lord of the Shadow fell reached out. Bing-Bang-BOOM. Agreement was made. Yeah, so you, yeah, Balnor speaks up under your gun.

Oh, Balnor, you hear. Wow, yeah. That gun of yours sure is cold. Yeah. Yeah. I was one B-Warning. It's a vampire spawn in the background. You guys didn't see it. It was easy my sword was very quiet. You said something about some magic gun that sent you here from Esri. Yeah, we should we could we should circle back on that. I will come clean, okay? And I appreciate that. I made a bargain as a younger Crick

and as a result of that, I entered into an agreement which stipulated that I would never die unless I was struck down by the bullet of a Crick elf. And so you can imagine that I spent some time avoiding Cricks given that prophetically had been the... Ah, hence your strange reaction to Old Cobb. Another gun-wielding Crick.

There's a lot of reasons I've avoided Old Cobb. Point being, I was in Esri testing an experimental weapon and it misfired and a bullet flew off and hit me in the head. That cannot satisfy the, I did not, I don't pop my throat, his hands ran. Shrugged, there was a wiggle room in here. There is some wiggle room in this thing here.

You gotta listen to me, I'm gonna do you, I gave of everything. I'm gonna walk towards the church. Sweet. Dead eyes start walking towards the church. Yeah, you guys do see some of the vandalism isn't in demonic language or anything. Some of it is like stay dead and things like that. Just a lot of anti-revenant stuff.

No like actual magic, just kind of like slurs. Yeah, just like, you know, you guys saw when you guys were at the Red Fan that there are a lot of just shit head vampires that aren't necessarily fighters. Dumbass, artisans, party girls, townies, sure. Fuck boys. Fuck boys.

Suck boys. Suck boys. Fuck boys. Fuck boys. Fuck boys. Fuck boys. A lot of suck boys. And yeah, you guys see more of these. You guys saw them in the graveyard last episode. A lot of these angels that are headless, these stone statues. And it looks like somebody took the head off,

like it's been vandalized. Hard one, are you going in? Are you trying to go into the church? Yeah. Oh, no. Just have one foot in. Hey, hey guys. So what we know about these folks, these remnants,

I don't think they like vampires, aka me. Currently. Currently me. Do we think they can sense that he's a vampire or if he like covers his mouth, will we be fine? I mean, I, I, I report sports just bad and I say, look at the, look at his skin. It's fucking translucent.

Yeah, I really got. I know what they're saying. I say, I look at my skin. It's fucking translucent. You can see the veins. Okay. Hey, man, you know, I know this is a, you got a bad beat on this hand, I understand this.

Oh yeah. But brother, you know, you don't have holes in your face. You're looking, the quads are looking good, just a little ice here than normal. Yeah, ice in the veins, that's good. Yeah. Pat my legs. They're still there.

We're gonna have to find an alternate protein source for you. Right. We'll definitely have to get there soon because I'm starving. Oh no. Oh, I've reached out my little paperclip finger again. That's not gonna slip somewhere. I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I, could, I could, I could, I could, blood a little bit. That's a really sucking at it. Just a nip, just a little nip.

I'm gonna tie you over. I'm gonna move the bush if you will. I don't know if I should go into this here church. I think they might all try to kill me. Do I know would he even be able to set foot in a church? So this church is a place of worship. Normally, you know, skaters can't go anywhere that they haven't been asked to with the

exception being public buildings. So I guess maybe you could go in if you felt in your heart that the dust mother had given you leave to enter. But I don't know your relationship with the divine that well. Hard one sits cross-legged on the crowd. You wait by the car. I give you Ulf Gargose punch. I don't know, maybe you do a little light reading. Thanks, thanks, bud.

Before we go in, I do wanna investigate the statues that are missing their heads real quick. Sure, can I just like maybe just do a general investigation? Yeah, go ahead. It's going to be a 12. 12. OK, you see this headless angelic humanoid reaching out as if to lay hands or heal somebody.

I touched the hands. There's some stony hands. OK, it's just a statue. Liking on there. Well, Moss, a little algae. No. OK, cool. I think it's granite.

I don't know if anyone needed to know that. I was curious. But I think it's granite. I don't know if anyone needed to know that it was curious but I think it's so much bev I fashion him I fashion him a little badge for rock identification. You know it's it's placebo but it helps and you also see like a placard under the statue that says our Lady of Penance. Okay, the name of the church. Okay. And you guys see, even though there are windows that have been boarded up, the doors are still, they're not open all the way, but they're cracked and you can see like candles inside. All right.

Y'all, I think we gotta put our best foot forward going into this. I don't think that we should do necessarily operation on as lad and go in there and lay our hearts out there. I think that we should just try to, you know, go in there real friendly like. Yeah there. I think that we should just try to, you know, go in there real friendly like. Yeah. Put on a good face. I'm going to look over at hard one and look over you guys and say, you're trying to put your best foot forward and maybe I can stay out here

and keep hard one company. Oh yeah, that's also fine, did I? That actually be perfect because I don't know how to read this Oh Simple so words are basically Screams that have been turned into shapes Oh So we cut over to finally get and Moonshine and Balnor and papa as they go to enter the church of penance. Yep. Yeah As I'm going in, Bev, we want like some sort of story or are we just going in saying, hey, I'm moonshine in this Beverly.

I think that my sword has given me an inkling that may be very at least familiar and friendly with Polore. So I'm happy to kind of lead the way. Should we be like little Jehovah's Witnesses for Polore? This is like if there was like a cross faith jamboree is what we've got going on here. All right great great. So we just go in and I'll just pretend to be a follower of Polora myself. Yeah this is like when the white knight. Honestly wouldn't mind. No I think that Melora is definitely

open to that. This is like when the white knights and the green knights would have a big picnic every year and go later on. Okay great. right, so I'm happy to lead the way. I'll light my sword and kind of say that we come in the name of Polar. Perfect. We are ambassadors from the mortal plane. Okay, amazing. Just a new minor illusionus

into little Jehovah's Witness obviously. We are wearing white shirts and very thin black ties. We're holding the book of Polar in our hands. Thank you. Okay, thank you. So you guys open the door. It opens with a loud creek. And you guys see broken down pews on both sides

of the aisle as you enter the church. The pews in the front seem to still kind of be intact, but they aren't lined up perfectly. It looks like maybe somebody moved the intact pews to the front, even if they were in the back originally. Like a bearer cave. No, not like a barricade. It's almost like, um, like it was built a certain way, like stuck to the floor. Oh, and then ones in the front got broken down or vandalized somehow.

And then people like unscrewed it, moved it to the front. DIY. I love it. Yeah. Um, you guys see, uh, there's a big window in the back over the altar that is all boarded up. It looks like at one time maybe it either looked down into the graveyard. It was some big stained glass thing or something. And all of the windows on the sides are boarded up.

The one thing that looks very well preserved is the altar. And here there is a statue of an angel holding her hands out as if to heal or comfort somebody. Looks like the statues you guys saw outside except this one is intact. And she has a head. Do I recognize the head? You don't. It just kind of looks like... Are you scared it was Theala? Very. Very much not Theala. I don't want to use the word Wimple again.

I wish you would. I wish you would. But it's more like clerical than like a warrior. Got you. Look, that's Wimple. More like a habit. Yeah, exactly. And you see in front of this altar on the statue is a padded prayer kneeler. And there are candles lit all around.

And between the pews and the altar you see several cots and blankets and hanging on the wall nearby are these copper masks and a few robes but we don't see anyone. You guys do see somebody sitting in the front. You just see this figure that is human-sized but kind of large and kind of imposing like hard one, like broad shoulders, and is down on his knees looking at the statue. And without looking up, you hear this guy go, can I help you, travelers? We are ambassadors with Polar hoping to take a moment solace and pray with you. Yeah, we're trying to spread Polora's blessings

on other planes. Have you heard the good news? Have you heard the good news? Polora's good. Polora's good. Polora rocks. He's got an infinite buffet full of shrimp and good tidings.

And you're invited. You see, he's still staring forward. And without looking back at you, he goes, oh yeah, I know all about Polor. I also know about three of my revenants getting turned into dust tonight. You two adventurers wouldn't have happened to have anything to do with that, would you?

Nah, nah, you're just liars. Talking about the gods coming in here, spreading lies. You're not spreading the word of pallor You're spreading falsehoods. This sins. You know what we're in a church right now, and I can't lie to you It is true. We are not we we are responsible for three of your remnants get in turn to dust It's true We met them on bad terms But I believe we were in the wrong and we're here to admit that. Is this not the temple of penance? We were yes. You see

Stands up and turns around and he goes your damn your damn right is the temple of penance and you know what you You admit that you're wrong and that's the first step and becoming a better person. Thank you We were acting on bad intel your proud Thank you so much. I'm proud of you guys. You're proud. Thank you so much. I'm proud of you. You guys. I'm proud of you. You guys. I'm proud of you.

You guys. I'm proud of you. You guys. I'm proud of you. You guys. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you.

You guys. I'm proud of you. You guys. I'm proud of you. You guys. I'm proud of you. You guys. I'm proud of you. You guys. I'm proud of you. You guys. I'm proud of you. You guys. I'm proud of you. You guys. I'm proud of you. You guys. I'm proud of you. You guys. You guys.

I'm proud of you. You guys. I'm proud of you. You guys. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of it is missing on the one side where there is a large scar. And on the same side is the scar he is missing an eye. It looks like there's either a sword or an axe wound that much like dead eye. It's just the damage is done and he's just like that, but he should be dead. Hmm. I would just like to give you a little more information as to why we did what we did and why we're coming here now. We were given bad intel by sort of vampire sympathist if you think about it. I know all about vampire sympathists in town. See out there. See out there. No, I agree. You can hear a, you hear a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, into the shadows. And Vendor was me.

He's not out there, we killed him. He's not out there. We took care of the vampire sympathis, but here we are, and I guess we're coming to you, but this is- God, give me a deception check. I spores the moonshine. He's pretty good at telling when we're lying.

Yeah, I don't know. I don't wanna condemn our bud here. Yeah 14 you see he Sniffs smell a lot. Fuck I'm sorry, okay It's just distrust You gotta be honest if you want to become a better person come to the goddess come to the dust mother Okay, dust mother. I'm very sorry that I told a lot I was trying to protect a friend. I killed that to her. Don't tell that to me. Tell that to her. Don't tell that to me.

I turned to the statue. I'm so sorry a lot. My mouth. You know, I'm proud of you. He starts whispering in here. That's definitely you. No, that was her. sorry. I'm lying. I'm a bad person too We're all back you pray to the statue. Thank you to the mercy of the dust mother gets to us knees everyone prostrate Let's just do it. Come on real quick. I've brought you also prostrate. I'm starting you amazing grace Dead eye and hard one you guys just hear this cacophony of idiocy from inside the church of just people yelling about the dusk mother. And it sounds like they're instantly converted. So, my little sister in there in slim with the gift of pedal, are they?

Oh, they could stay in on task. Um. I trust him to get it done. the gift of pedal or there. They could stay in on task. I trust him to get it done. Okay. All right. So prostrate. Dad has that all the time. You guys.

Cash is dad, just does it. Because if I didn't know better, I would say that they went in there to sort of get some info for us. And it sounds like they have meaningfully and genuinely converted to the faith of the destiny. We love our Tuskegee mommy. So the kids flat ass is up in the air fully prostrated.

I imagine the elf is fully naked. We are the lot that we find in the dark. On three, everybody give me four the lot. One, two, three, four the lot. Yeah, so this will be them for a little while But I swear to God one like interesting dust moat blow through a window there. They'll be distracted They'll be fine. So you see so hard ones like kind of like joking around having a little fun like let this hair down talking to dead I it's almost forgotten the fact that he's a vampire spawn.

Dead Eye, you see in like the crack in the door, Bortram kinda walk by, and suddenly, hard ones eyes go white, and he pinches your shoulder and goes, take the shot, take the shot. Whoa, shit. I'm going to look at hard one and say, you got it, brother. Stay crouched outside of tombstone,

you're staying away from the door, all right? I'll be back out in a minute. And- Oh, shit. And Dad, I was gonna sneak into the church. Sweet, go ahead and do a self-check. That's gonna be a 24 You are able to slip in and get behind

Kind of some of the debris from the broken down pews in the back Can I do a roll with disadvantage to see if I notice him sure? Yeah, this will act as your passive perception a roll with Disadvant add to it? Perception. I got a 24. Wow. Whoa.

I got an 18 to 16. My perception is plus eight. Okay, you, Moonshine, as you guys are all rejoicing and Bortram kind of has his guard down. You do see Dei slip into the church. Whoa, I kind of did it as a joke, but. Whoa. I think I'm not going to do anything about it. Okay. I just love it when it goes off. Am I. I think I'm not gonna do anything about it.

Okay, I'm just gonna give it a try. Are my eyes still white? I'm still not me, right? You are not you right now, hard one. So you, as yourself, don't really know what's going on. Cool. I'm just gonna slink out of the shadows right amongst the three of them

with a finger up across my lips. Do I notice this? I exit, I'm exiting hiding. But I'm coming out with a thing over my lips to the three of them being like. I'm gonna report for his dead eye, Bortram and I'm gonna invite Bortram into the group chat.

Wow. You see Bortram is a very confused to see dead eye pop up because as far as Bortram's concerned, he's just some shit bag vampire sympathizer. What, what are you doing here? Bortrum, school, school, school. Hey, we're all thinking in our brains right now. Yeah, it's, you know, it's a good thing.

It's not some sort of necromancy or witchcraft or anything like that. Why do you people talk over the report, Bortrum? I'm gonna go, y'all better keep singing. All right, I keep singing. We are the lies. We are the lies. In the darkness. We are the light. We are the light. In the darkness.

We are the light. I'm saying I hate this truth. In the darkness. We are the light. I can't tell you new. In the darkness. I think I have a new Betsy and I play her like a guitar. OK, so while we're all singing,

let's have a little chat upstairs Because my friend dead I here just came out with a finger to his lips and we just went through something So I trust him hard ones outside right now. He caught a glimpse of you Bortram. Look I'm gonna tell you this straight If you try to hurt him I'm gonna blast your ass in such a way that you ain't ever gonna come back from the dust. You understand? I respect the honesty. You know what? I'm proud of you. I don't give a shit if you're proud of me. You're not my fucking dad. Oh, good.

This is the first step. And it's- Don't make me cry out of my dead eye. Just let it in. Let it in. My dead eye just starts steaming with a painful mist. Ah! That's good. Tell me how bad you're gonna fuck me up.

Oh, sorry, I cursed in front. I'm so sorry. We are the lie! Come on, come on, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, It's okay. Let's all be proud of you Scarlet Montgomery spawned these two's friend back at the red fin now I think These are this kid over here slims chosen by Pellor Mrs. Is chosen by Melora if anyone could find a way to crack being a spawn I'd trust the two of them so I'm not trying to ash their friend outside right now

But he did catch a glimpse of you and he went white in the eyes and gave me an order of sound of like it was coming from the Montgomery's. So we gotta be extra careful. You can't show your face near the building. He's like a nest cam for the vampires. And at the moment, he is on their clothes network. So yeah, we gotta get one of those for the church. Ha, ha, ha. You don't think so? So yeah, we gotta get one of those for the church

That makes things so complicated You see what I'm saying about I just go right online with moonshine She what I'm saying though he hears about a creepy vampire spine network and says I gotta get me one of those all these panopta Con motherfuckers. They're all the fucking saying man I mean the likes of panics are better than the vampires a little bit Kind of fucked up the reports for ising on like sort of a just a one-on-one thing Why can't we go also have a group of course Look at had each other Take it to DMs

I'll look at Bortram and say through the rapport spores Look friend. I am a no-bone about the fact that we ain't friends. We ain't gonna be Biff sorry Come on I left in the thread wait first of all what's everybody's names here? Let's all go around Sarah needs my name is Bortram. Hi Bortram. My name is Moon Chan Sabin Moon Chan Sabin nice to be I'm a Crick L From the material plane I am ovulating I Would say about 30 out of 31 days of the month. So stay away. I am ovulating. I would say about 30 out of 31 days of the month. So stay away. I am sterile. I am a revenant. I'm not an alive person.

Okay. Yeah. She gives that warning to everyone. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of stated. They all go to the fifth. Y'all are thinking about six a lot and I would like to remind you that we are in a place of worship. Yeah. Okay. Everyone just get. Hey, everyone get their head in the game. Try to get it on it. He's trying really, really trying. So basically we came to you because we believe that we could be allies in at least this mission.

If your goals take out the Montgomery's, that's my goal. I have been sent here by the dust mother to protect Grimhawk and I'll be honest, we haven't been doing a great job as a lady. You've got your work cut out for you, though. I'm kind of work cut out for us. Used to be a bit easier, but somehow the Monk Umries were able to snatch

an extra bit of power, and lately they've been able to destroy my revenants permanently. Yeah, I believe we might be tapped in. They might have some special weaponry that's allowing that to happen. Now, here's my question. What have you tried against the Montgomery that has failed? Sometimes it's good.

Help us learn from your mistakes. Yeah. Oh, well, you know, just kind of marching into the red fan, starting fights. One time we went in, we kind of pretended to be interested sexually in a wailing and scarlet, all went to heck real fast. A bunch of us just got ashed right there. That was before they could just kill us. Yeah, cross that off the list.

Yeah, mostly now we're just doing our best to minimize damage. That's why we got people running around in masks, doing vigilante justice, trying to stop young people from going out and getting turned by the vampires. If we wanted to take out Scarlet, what would the best way to do that be? Is there a time when she's alone or when she's... Yeah, essentially if you wouldn't mind like opening up your intel folder on Scarlet for us. As far as I'm concerned, having y'all here is, it's like that he starts crying.

It's like the Dusk Mother sent you. Why are you- How could you not believe? Why are you giving credit to some fucking statue over what we actually did? If you want to thank somebody, thank Moonshine and Ben. I'm just saying, well- You understand how psychotic it is for you to thank a goddess who hasn't done shit when there's actual people putting their lives on the right. I'm gonna

we're not gonna say the S word talk about the dust boat. Shit fuck ass. Shit fuck. This is all happening in reports. Okay, okay, just wanted to make sure. Getting naked. I don't know what the rules are with report sports, but good enough, good enough. Yeah, but I think that was sacrilegious.

You didn't even see the tea written in that word. You've only heard it. I wrote it down when she said it and I got confused. Your nose is bleeding. Look, if you want to get at Scarlett Montgomery, she's one of the easier Montgomery's to take out because, um, Whalen and her and Bo are always at the red fan pretty much every night. What's her connection to Whalen like? Do you think that that could be a source of weakness for her? It seems as though they

have some sort of incestual relationship. might she act out of character if Waelin were in danger? I don't know that they have the ability to feel love. I think they're just... Oh, vampires can't feel love. I don't know that that. I have, you know, I've read about, you know, a vampire or two who might have, you know, gone on to live really nice lives.

You see, he looks at that. I just, just a super force board stand up with that. I know I haven't people just been rotten. I'm not really a band people. No, I know everyone's here's bad. Seeing a good vampire in my life and I've been here for like 800 years back to everybody. Yeah, you know, maybe we can get your friend back and it'll all be good. Does mother willing, seen as y'all are in town,

our numbers are never gonna get bigger than what they are now. I mean, adventurers come in to Grimock, this happens, well, never, this has never happened. Getting people coming in from the mist. So, I think getting Scarlett is step number one because we had to get a hard one out of the funky's in.

Yeah. And also we need, I mean, he's currently a liability to us to have the person that we are trying, that we are plotting against having a 100% direct access to us. Do you think is the plan to just try and siege the red fin with all of the, the revenue hours? I mean, that's what the Revenants have done. It ain't worked too good. to just try and siege the red fin with all of the the revenue and hours. I mean, that's what the Revenants have done and it won't work too good. Look, the reason I've been pinned down here for over many years, I've been down in Grimmhawk is exactly because of this. Revenants stay hold up at the church, Vampires stay

hold up at the Red Fin, and you got to have an army to go against either of them. So we got to do this smart and not done. I think we got to draw them out. Bortram speaks up and he goes, yeah, and just so y'all know, turning these vampires to mist is only step one. After we beat him, we still got to get to their resting place at Grimhawk Manor and finish him off. If we mist one, it'll take about 24 hours from the regenerate if it gets to its coffin.

Revenants take about the same amount of time. So, Ginny and Rosa, the halflings you guys killed and Schmorg, the big guy, aren't going to be back till later tomorrow. That's the timeline we're working with. As soon as we act, we got to do everything within 24 hours where the vampire start coming back. Okay. You guys see Balenoir's over by the door and he cracks the door open and he goes, where was hard one? Let's, I run outside. I'm gonna run outside too. Yeah, you guys go outside and you see

Ulf Gargo's punch on the ground and the Queen's hammer is on the ground. Oh, no And then you guys see cresting over a hill Coming towards the church is another revenant on a blue cloak and a brass mask. This little burly dwarven-sized dude gets up near the church and Jake, would you like to introduce your new character? What? A very thick, stout burly dwarf. He's wearing a copper mask, but you see the beard flowing from under it.

Is this a dwarf raised by humans? He basically looks like hard one except cut in half and side by side. He's really something. He pulls off his hood and you see a like a foot high mohawk. He's got a scar on his face, but it doesn't look like a mortal wound. And he takes off his copper mask. Oh, hi.

Hey. Hi. Hi. How was your mission, son? That was fine. Yeah, it was quite nice. So the other, I feel the Dracula. Hi. Hi. How was your mission, son? I was fine. Yeah. It was quite nice. The other, uh, the other, uh, the other, the other, the, the, the call, the call, they're

called vampires here. Yes. Uh, why don't you go ahead and, uh, these are, these are new friends. Uh, this is a dead eye, uh, moonshine and Beverly. What? Dirlin? I'm sorry. Say, come again.

Dirlin? Dirlin? Dirlin. Do you sound like he's trying to say, G-D-Lirlin? Sounds like he's trying to say J-D-L-N. Sounds like you're trying to say J-Avlin. Like a throwin' spin? That's class. I just give him a piece of paper. So it's J?

Uh-huh. V-Y. Okay. Whoa. Oh boy. Il? I'm just gonna call you J. How's that sound?

Yeah. How about you J? Sure. Sweet ass. Ah. Yes. Please do me J. He's our newest recruit. Yeah, how about your J? Sure, sweet ass. Oh, yes. Please don't meet J. He's our newest recruit.

He came in about a month ago. It was a pretty nasty guy, but you know, he's coming around and trying to do better for himself. I hear that. Where you come from? Are you from Bohemia? Yes, yes. Where? I'm not really from anywhere, but I was in the

mountains outside of Gladehound. Oh, okay. Yes. Gladehound, okay. So with a red tag, a bunch of our thieves, cutthroats and bandits. Oh, you definitely have like a cutthroat bandit vibe about you. Yeah, I'm lying. I was very scared. I look to our lady mother of penance and I quietly apologize for that lie. Back then I was quite a barbarian. Oh, okay. But I've calmed down. My group kept me in a rage.

They wanted me angry because I was more effective. But since then the dust mother made me a bit more chill if you will Yeah, we use our you know we use our rage as a shield not a sword. Yes. I was a weapon, but now I'm a shield Oh, that is beautiful, you know, I'm a little bit of a barbarian myself. Oh, yes. Yeah Yeah, I love when characters have a philosophy They might with Conoclay you see just on the ground like, hard ones gone.

Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Yeah, you're right. I'm so sorry, we just lost our friend. Yeah, you're friend? Go on, see. Tell him you hold it about him. Well, you know, he was a great guy.

And he just, I don't know, he got into some trouble. And I'm a little worried about where he is right now. He got bit. Can I do? Pretty far back. Jivelin, you saw a guy fitting hard ones description. Glazy white eyes just full on sprinting towards the red fence.

Tall fill. No pupils? Yes, he was sprinting that way. Just amazing ass. It's great, Glews. Hey, fellas, we got a talk. Hard one is sprinting towards way. Just amazing ass. Huge ass. That's great, Glitz. Hey, fellas, we gotta talk. Hard one is sprinting towards his mistress right now. He knows what we were doing at this church.

If we're gonna make a move, we gotta make a move right now. Yes, let's go kill him. Let's go kill him. We gotta kill him. Whoa, kill him, I'll kill him. No, hey, who the fuck? Okay, I'm Jivelin. All right, JV, you know what I'm saying?

Yeah, listen. Because we're not going to kill the guy you saw running. We're trying to save his ass. Oh, okay, yes. Yeah, yeah, we're not gonna kill him. We're trying to save him. It's our friend, I think a good person gets turned into a bar.

We'll play by here when we see him. We'll get in there and we'll be like, okay, we're gonna give him a chance, we'll say put down. Okay, so I guess we just gotta go start a fight at the red pen. And if we can get Scarlet's a turn into Miss, then we just got to go start a fight at the red fin and if we can get Scarlet's Return into miss then we just go to her house. All right. Yeah, we got enough of a plan. You see work with will have 24 hours to come up with a plan after Scarlet's gone. We got to get the jump on them. All right

I'm gonna start running towards the roof and sweet JV yes, you're you're a revenant. a, a man of the cloth now, is it worth? Everyone's just like jocke briskly. Y'all, is there anything to me turning into a raven and pretending to deliver and trying to catch him off guard by delivering some kind of like note to them? What if we write a note? We try and forge it as best we can in one of the vampires, scripts or signatures. And we make it say, there's a fresh virgin

waiting upstairs for you, Scarlet, like, come alone. Curdacy of, one of her, courtesy of Ambrose, okay. Let's write that note. I'll turn into a Raven, and we'll have it to, we'll deliver it. I'm writing and running. I'm gonna wild shape into a Raven. It should say, there's a fresh virgin for you, PS PS you are always my favorite love Ambrose. Yeah. Even if

she reads it and doesn't buy it you'll be there as a Raven to watch her not buy it. So we just I just we just need to get the drop on her. Yeah. Okay. So if she's in there I'm gonna after I deliver it, squawk once, and if she's not in there, I'll just come out. Or just stay with me in the rapport spores, and if you see her in a room, just give me the heads, just all I need is to know what room she's in. Yeah, great. Okay, great. Let's also make sure just to clarify, I picked up the Queen's Hammer and Ulfgar goes a bunch of $ back in dollars back.

It's back in the bag. Yeah, great. Thank you, Beverly. Cool. So you guys are all rushing along. Moonshine, you go a lot quicker as the Ravenflies. Yeah, I do that thing where I'm running, but then I ask I'm running,

I turn into a falling Raven. Oh, yeah. You're an animal? Yeah, I animal. That elf just turned into a rifle? Yeah, we're pretty good. And moonshine, go ahead and give me a perception check as you start to get close to the red fan. 15.

15. Okay. This is pretty obvious. The Montgomery's are pretty easy to spot because they usually have a little posse with them. And you do notice walking away from the red fin, maybe like a few blocks away going towards the crimson hills, which is like the mountain that Grimhawk Manor is.

You see a little posse of vampires walking. I guess I fly and see if Scarlet's there. Moonshine, you fly over them. You see this crew of vampires. You see Whalen and Scarlet Montgomery surrounded by their vampire spawn, like the five vampire spawn that we're defending them and that fight you guys had with them before.

And hard one is with them just kind of like in the posse of vampire spawn. I land on her shoulder and deliver the note. Go ahead, who wrote the note? Bevded? I did. Go ahead and give me a persuasion check with disadvantage. All right, so I got a 17 and a 4, but it's going to be a 12.

Okay. Believe it or not, these vampires do not have a very loving relationship. You see, she, the Raven lands on her shoulder. They have like messenger bird, so it's not that strange for this to happen. She looks over and she goes, oh, what do you got for me here, little friend?

Reaches out, reads the notes. Moonshine, go ahead and give me an insight check. Net 20, baby. Mochad, you realize instantly that she like doesn't buy this. What do you do? I fly away. Okay, cool. You won't even need to do a deck saving throw with a Nat 20.

You hand it to her, she looks at it. No fucking way, dad would say this. Who the fuck are you already on? Okay, I fly back to you guys. I'm like, it didn't go well. So by this point, you guys are like starting to get get into like uptown. You guys are getting near the red So they're not at the red fan though. So they're up okay, we're gonna wait a minute Wait a minute, do you know what we get to do? I haven't done this. I haven't done this boy in a long

Long time in a long, long time. We're gonna cut them off at the pace. Oh! Oh! You see Bork's him get super rum. I love cutting them off at the pace. I love all the boards from I'm a huge fan. This is the first thing I've seen.

I gotta get in there, just that line. I gotta hit him. You gotta cut him off on the pace. JB, you know what I'm talking about. Yeah, quite an amazing guy. He's got it. JB, just a little reminder, we are not killing hard one. I draw a quick sketch of hard one

This one the one that looks like me, but stretched out. Yeah Yeah, like you were made a taffy and someone just stretched out. Yes, yes lock that one in okay Yes, guys, I'm so sorry that my penmanship was not enough for the plan to go off I apologize. I will work harder Papa I need to train with you. Ring, ring, ring. Bev, you tried your hardest. We had to try. Glad we tried.

I just thought that- When Papa comes out, JB shrieks. Just like, totally normal. JB, yeah. That's the thing that killed me. What? That's what killed me. You were killed by a possum?

Yes, yes. Was his name Mama? I don't know what it's named. It was. That's what killed me! You were killed by a possum? Yes, yes. Was his name Mama? I don't know what it's named, it was. We descended on a pack of elves. You gotta be. And we tried to ambush them. Oh no.

And it was an old one and he shot my friend in the face. There was an elk that turned into a woman. I get onto one knee and I say, Mama's a laughing whale. Breathe. That possibly, she tore up my throat. I looked at my beard and you guys see my throat is just shredding.

Oh my God. I wipe it here for my eyes. So yeah, our friends killed you. That sounds about right. Yeah, but definitely our lady mama. Uh-huh. Rages of shield. I just I deserved it. I did Hey, that's you know what? That's that forget being honest is the first step to forget this Let's cut these people off at the past. Yep, cut them off at the past. I say we try and get ahead of them. They're going slow. We try and get ahead of them.

And we can sort of do some things to them before they even know that we're there. Oh, this sounds like a pass without trace. Everyone give me your butchies. Yes ma'am. Let me cut them real quick. JV just put them out. Yeah, just kind of.

Did I? You got a good butchie down there? Is it all bone? Oh, a little misty tear tears, teams off of my eye. It's so, I mean, I mean, I used to be dummy thick back in the year. A long girl I'm afraid. I DM with moonshine, it's like a deflated balloon.

That's so sad. Yeah, bad, bad, it is sad. Ha ha ha ha. I'm just gonna give you a firm handshake if that's okay. I'll cut this butt. Oh my goodness. Hey, well, we're getting friends. Bortram, I've been, it's been a long day for us.

So I'm feeling a little low on my holy juices. You wouldn't happen to have anything that could replenish me so that I could smite with the truth of the dusk mother and pelor side by side, would you? He puts his hand on your shoulder and he goes, yeah, I got some for you. I'm proud of you, son. Showed a lot of hustle out here.

Thank you, sir. I take it knee. He bats you on the butt. Oh, wait, I am cool with this. We do pat each other on the butt. All right, let's get this pass without trace going. Babe, this guy said, you don't need this from his. Guys, listen, no dad's, no masters.

Yo, I think we should go to me me I think we should go roof to roof I think we should travel via roof. Hell yeah are there roofs? I don't know yeah yeah we should travel via roof to get ahead of them sweet hell yeah everybody go ahead and give me um climb checks so hey just look at Davie just along for the ride. Oh, this is 20. Nice, dude. 13. 19. Sweet.

24. You guys all successfully climb up. Dead eye for once is a little bit slower than everybody. Wow. I'm like, my like midsection torso missing. It may as making this really hard. My balance is not great. I'm like, you fall, but then are caught

by your own rib cage on something. Everything that makes me look cool when I'm walking on a flat surface makes me look like the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz when any difficult terrain happens. You know what I mean? You show him how to use his core strength. Yes, you have to go from your ass.

I'm joking. There's no muscles don't connect anymore. The glutes are firing. I'm sorry. All right, JV, I love you, bud, but you were killed by a possum, right? Yes. They were very strong.

It's just me, Bortram. He was actually killed by one of the most powerful creatures on the material planes. Right here. Right here. I was checking yourself. Right here. Right here.

Right here. Right here. Yeah. Why is it merciful. I would check youself. I would see you. I would see you. Why is it merciful, Kills? So you guys all climb up onto this building. The buildings are more packed together in this uptown area that's kind of like vampire sympathizers and vampires themselves live down here. So there are like shops and homes and everything that you guys can hop from roof to roof.

I'll say these guys are walking, not running. We're running, we're leaping, we're just shadows leaping from roof. You guys to run across the roofs, hopping from rooftop to rooftop, and as you guys start to get close, tell me what your kind of strategy is going forward. Okay. You clock them with a dead eye and moonshines, elven eyes. You guys are able to see that there's the two vampires,

and then four spawn with them, and then hard one spawn. So, quick question, and this, just full on sidebar, when Coach Bortram slapped my butt, did that do anything? It inspired you. Okay. I have zero spell slots.

I don't know how much holy light I'm gonna be able to sling outside of just the... Hey, it's about what's inside. It's about... It's about grit. Okay. Well, keep that wishes and prayers going, but also we gotta, we gotta,

did I with them blessed polar bullets. That's true. I know a lot of spills. You know spills? Oh, okay. No, no, no. You got a holy light? No, that's okay.

I'll keep in mind. As long as we're... This we're a little human as long as we're focusing our fire It should be all right as long as one of us is hitting them with something holy as we're all going on after them We should be okay. Alrighty. I want to be dead. I want to be you just kind of stay up on the roof and be firing from there Well, I don't want to keep my ass from getting kicked in this shindig, but yeah, maybe I'll stay posted over here. If you've got the most potent bullets to use on Scarlet, we don't have a lot of long range options. All right, I'll stay posted up on the roof, you guys get down there in the shit and kick it out. All right, so you all want to start, you all want to kick this off with a title wave or would you like to fire a

bullet first? I think I'll ring the bell if that's all right. Yes, it seems to be your shit. Okay, well, you guys can potentially all get a surprise around the way I'm gonna have this work is I'm going to have you guys roll one more Stealth check as you guys start to get near them and then I'm going to check their passive perception and anybody who passes it will get a Free surprise round everyone add 10 to their... Still? To their stealth.

I got a net 20! Dope. 27. 28. I got a 20 on a net one. Wow. Can I use my net 20 to forgive his net one? Okay, I'll say for that, you'll get disadvantaged on the attack roll, but you'll still get a surprise round.

So you basically roll your ankle as you're stealthing along the roof. We all have our bad days. Alright, so everybody gets a surprise round, except for Bortrum, who, when it's his turn to go, they're going to be well alerted. Who got the highest score? I got a nat 20. going to be well alerted. Who got the highest score? Are you out of net 20? Okay, Mochai. I myself, but I would like to hold my action until after everyone else is gone. Got it.

Everyone else in the surprise round has gone. Doesn't really make a difference, so I'm just going to say, Mochai is holding an action Bev. What do you do? Okay, I want to use my super scope so that I can true strike. Sweet. And I'm going to use it on my javelin so I can do a distance throw.

Okay, is that a bonus action to use my scope or is that just a thing I declare? I think it's just a minor action. So, okay, great. So I'm gonna do that. Whisper a quick prayer to Polar. I say, guide me through the mist, your gray night, your chosen sun.

And I launch this javelinin right at Scarlet. Sweet. Go ahead and make an attack roll. That's in that 20! Nice. All right. Good on the beat. I will say, so normally, they have resistance to non-magical damage and your javelins are not magical, but I'll say you whispered a little prayer to Polore and you got an at 20

so you can do full damage. 15 damage, nice. Nice. First hit. Jeez, with a regular old javelin. Yeah, bev's up on the rooftops. Real quick, pulls out this javelin, throws it down. At first it looks like maybe it's not gonna hit.

Whisper's a little prayer to Polore. You see it writes itself. Yes. Knicks her shoulder, cuts a big chunk off of it. She looks like feral for a second, like, ah! And she looks and goes, you motherfucker,

don't know when to quit. Can I do a stag? Go ahead. Yeah, do I get a stag? How won't you do? Yeah, go ahead. I, after launching this javelin and seeing that Scarlet has clocked us, I pull out my sword, gray light pouring off of it.

I jump down, aim for the awning below, bounce towards her and slash again. Sweet, go ahead and make an attack roll. Bev just gets right up into the fucking mix of all these spawn as they bounce back. That's going to be 27. Super hits. Yeah, these new dice are doing good. All right. That's going to be 10 damage.

Sweet. Bev gets up in the mix and slashes down. And as a bonus action, I'm going to declare a vow of justice against Scarlet. Okay, that is the Grey Knight flavor for the vowel of Initi, which is the oath of vengeance Pact that I have now. So now I get advantage on the tack rolls so my next turn's.

Hell yeah. JV, what do you got for me? All right, JV is gonna slap his cheeks. Excuse me, everyone. I'm gonna send himself into a rage. Okay, just gonna go into a quick rage. I bloody hate Dracula. I'm gonna jump go into a quick ride. Bloody hate Dracula. At all vampires.

I'm gonna jump off the roof and swing my axe. Murf the title of this episode is what we do in the Shadow Fells. 23 super hits. 14 damage. Nice. And I'll swing again. Take this. This polite little dwarf is just like speaking in the t it. There's polite little dwarf.

It's just like speaking in the tiniest, most polite little voice. But just so red. So red. I'm curious. 21, super hits and another 14. That is dead eye. Yeah, I'm going to fire Lou Ann on this first round.

This is not going to be a violent shot. I do have advantage on this. Okay, so it equals out. That's going to be a 21 to hit. Super hits. Can you do a roll for Yeehaw, please? Yeehaw! So that's gonna be these two here.

And then she's in melee with Beb now, correct? So I do think I get sneak attack because, yeah, you get sneak attack anyway, because she didn't see you coming. Gotcha, cool, cool, cool. That's 27 points of damage. She was a, yeah. On the first attack,

I'm gonna roll this second attack with Luan. Why is everyone going after me? Just, a scarlet just getting blasted from all angles. Did I do something? You came to the bar to get fucking eating. Shut your pointy mouth. I have a free object interaction. I'm gonna switch from Luan to Reba.

Okay, just a rifle. Grape. And this. Grape. Grape, Reba. This is gonna be a violent shot. Okay, so spending a grip point And this is about Reba. Grape, Reba. This is gonna be a violent shot. Okay, so spending a grip point, never forget about Reba.

15 plus 11 is 26. Sweet hits. That's gonna be 53 damage on that attack. She's, yeah. For the people at home who are paying attention to the mechanics, what is that? Yeah. So, okay, for the people who want to pay attention to the mechanics, what is that? Yeah.

So, okay, for the people who want to pay attention to the... So for those that are asking, Dei is a level seven gunslinger, level three assassin rogue. He gets advantage versus surprise creatures, and he auto-critones surprise creatures. The rifle he's using is modeled off after bad news, shout out to Matt Mercer. So it does 2D12 damage.

Violent shot spends a grip point prior to the attack. You add another damage die as a weapons type. So now it's doing 3D12. So multiply by 2L on double damage. When you crit, got it. 6012 plus his, Dr. D'Aryne modifier, which is five. And he added, in the first attack that round,

he added his sneak attack, which was also double because it was a crit. Thank you, Matt. You guys instantly vaporize her. Oh! Oh! You guys just hit her for fucking all angles. Wait a second!

So then I still... Hey, babe! I still have my surprise round. You still have your surprise round. So I'm actually gonna use my surprise round to jump, grab hard one, and polymorph him. Ha-ha-ha! Thank you. What I'd like to do is look into my overall bib,

say, make room papa, Polly Morph him into a possum. Show him in and then zip it tightly close. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Normally you're not allowed to do small creatures, but since this is so dope, I'm going to roll the wisdom, I'm gonna roll the saving throw for a hard one, and then I'll have you do an Arcana Jets.

That's so good. Okay, he got a six. Yeah, he definitely failed. Okay, so he fails, go ahead and roll on Arcana Jets. Okay. I'll say he's gonna turn it into a very big puzzle if- Plus zero to Arcana. This is a man-cune puzzle.

And eight. And eight. A enormous puzzle. If eight. And eight. A enormous, posse. It's a big bear cub-sized possum. They're cub, though. That'll fit your overalls. Will it?

Musha has huge boobs. Not in your overalls, but you can carry him very, very labored. Okay, real quick. Real quick, I put him on a leash. He is heavy. Real quick, I whip out the rope and I hogged out and make a little. Okay, I have no idea what you're trying to do so I just go, that's the way he would have wanted to go, Moonshan. I'm trying to keep him. Yeah, kill that vampire.

You got him. I'm assuming that Scarlet still has some sort of control over him, so we just need him restrained so we can't be running back there. You got it just trust her. But I want him out of harm's way. That's possible. You see, you guys have jumped down fully ambush these people. You turn her into a miss.

She disappears before she can even have like a fucking witty comeback. But you see Whalen. You see Whalen turns to you guys. Looks right at you, moonshine, and goes, you guys just don't turns to you guys looks right at you moon shining goes You guys just don't learn every time you come at us we keep coming back and we're just gonna take one of yours Everybody roll initiative. Here we go Two 17 shout out to the two girls devastating Devastating, dead eye. Devastating. 15. This episode of NADPOT has brought to you by Bird Dogs.

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Nine points of piercing damage. Nine points of necrotic damage. Okay. As he bites into you, I guess you're next. I'll be taking both of you home tonight. That is your turn, Moonchine. And I would also like to say for the people at home, I know everyone remembers that I forgot about

Bound or last week. Bound or did not roll high enough for the surprise round, but he is in this fight. I do remember him. Our old initiative for him, he is there. I'm here, guys. Don't at me. Don't at me.

Mochelle is your friend. He's really in his head having another gun slinger around. Um, it's just real quick, Waelin. Are you and your sister like fucking, because it's like, that's kind of the vibe I get. It is so rude to just come up to a stranger and start asking them about their sexual proclivities. Well, I mean, if I was just... Say what?

Yeah, it's clear. It's clear. It's your sister, it's not about sex. Anyways, I titled Wavetown. You see some of the mist is just like in his hair, like tussling him, like chewing, lightly chewing at his neck. You can't play that.

I titled Wavetown. I'm like standing right in front of all the vampires, so I just titled Wavetown. Okay. But obviously, like, hard one, possum, possum hard one is on a leash behind me Great Pop-pots trying to wrestle

Pop on is hard one is hard one keeping the mad harms way okay, so they need to do what saving throws dexterity saving throw okay So they need to do what saving throws dexterity saving throw, okay? So oh my god, I just rolled I did for all the vampire spawn that all rolled below 10 But whalen does save all right, so they all take 16 damage and whalen takes half that and then they're all knocked prone except for whalen Nice and then I spores that bitch whalen again I'm like just I do it and I do it in kiss form to be like, just so you know, like there's like other people out there other than you know, your siblings. You don't kiss nearly as well as my sister.

I'm cool. I see that's so gross. I know you think that's a diss, but right now you just kind of. No, it's we drink blood together and sometimes our mouths touch. It's fine. I used to say it. Mist is just like rubbing behind his ears just like have you tried to date someone else? where's this guy from what's his deal? it's from Glade Home got killed by a pawson he's kind of had a car ride by a pawson

how was he? these vampire spawn getting knocked over, wailin takes a little bit of damage and then he gets spored. At the end of your turn, he is going to take a legendary action. I guess he'll spend two of them actually and he'll take another bite on you, Moonshine. He hits, that's a natural 17, so he's got it. So 26. Eight piercing damage on the bite.

And then the necrotic damage which will come out of your hit point total is only six. Maybe you could start with like kissing a cousin and then work your way out from there. I'm eating this person. I mean isn't this this isn't sexual to you all just like furiously like a dude eating just a giant messy sub just I mean honestly I would if this is what you're into, that's fine. It's the fact that you do with your sister. Oh, roll concentration checks on, give me two concentration checks on keeping Polymorph. 11.

Ah, fail. Oh, you see, um, the giant, awesome turns back into, um, feral fucking vampire spawn hard one who starts freaking out. He's still on a leash. This is still on the tail. That is, he does still have a tail just for fun. That is dead ice turn.

Man, what a fucking. Dead off from the roof is going to look at the confused spawn. He's gonna switch out, Reba over his shoulder, sling Reba over his back, Whitluann out and fan the fucking hammer. And they are, I don't know if you already get advantage through some fuckery, but they are prone. Hell yeah, I do get advantage through some fuckery, but it's nice to know that even if I wasn't doing

fuckery, I still get advantage. Is this gonna do extra damage because of the Pellor's blessing? You guys don't really know what the pelors blessing does at this moment. We're gonna spend a grit point to make this a violent shot. Okay. We are. First attack. That's gonna be a 28 to hit.

Super hits this vampire spawn. You see, Whaling just looks bored. Why do you always wanna fight? I'm just gonna go sleep this off. That's fine. There's more to life than just sucking and fucking. You know, maybe we're trying. Who the hell is it?

Maybe I got to side with Wayland. Thank you. Sorry, Beth. But. Oh, a tree, I don't know. Wayland is currently eating you, man. I can tell you've been sucking. I love sucking.

I can tell you. You actually haven't been fucking as much as you would think. All right, all right. No, I don't know if you- You know at some times that take more pleasure and bring someone else to the edge than actually get enough myself. I don't really taste anything here.

There's nothing too spicy in here. You don't taste a couple true- You don't taste a couple true- Wait a minute. Couple engaged, man. You a church girl. First attack is 39 points of damage. For you.

For you. For you. Oh my god. 39 points of damage. Oh my god. 39 points of damage. Second attack. So that's on one of the spawn. This fucking spawn is just like in water, just freaking the fuck out.

You just like blow his shoulder off completely. Still alive? Or still on a line? At the end of his turn though, he's gonna take 20 asses. Yes, yes. This is gonna be my last grit point. I'm gonna make this a violent shot as well It has a 28 again, okay that hits my let the lights baby This one's 29 points of damage to that spawn Jews up. He's dead finish him

Yeah, it's just fanning the hammer He's dead finish him. Yeah, it's just fanning the hammer. BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM. And then I'm going to action surge, move on to the next. It's all out of grip points, but I still get advantage. 18 plus 12 is 30. 15 plus 6 is 21. Nice.

Still good. Last attack this round That's a 28 again rolling 16 left and right bones and for that next spawn this one's gonna be a 11 11 11 Large but humane amount of damage after you fucking unloaded to the spawn wailin looks up at you I thought you were one of the smart ones around here. You joining these church folk now? I'm not joining the church folk.

Oh, you religious now, you singing songs? Hey, I'm not singing songs. Why are you kissing your sister? We are not in the darkness. We are not in the darkness. I'm gonna end my turn bonus action hide. Oh. Good.

I'm gonna jump off the roof bonus action hide and this stealth courageous is going to be a 26. Cool. I think you'll be fine. Where'd he go? You'd love it if all the blood went to our head, wouldn't you? No, we're dumb and proud. That's the end of Dead Eyes turn.

Dead eye, are you hopping down from the roof or just hiding behind the other side or something? I think I'm gonna cowboy roll over to some barrels or, you know, something like that. Just get down on the ground. Okay, cool. Okay, um, Dead Eye gets down to ground level. Not gonna barrel roll up excess of cowboys.

That is zombified hard one spawn turn. Uh oh. He is going. He's on a leash. He is on a leash. I'm leash. some cowboys that is zombified hard one spawn turn He is gonna leash he is on a leash attached to Moonshine tail wagging awayland goes hey buddy. I'm down to share I wanted to share a room with you before why don't you get in on this? I do you see vampire spawn hard one? Hard one takes a claw attack. Shout out to the two crew. Yeah.

A crow in the view. You're deep inside. Deep inside, you see for a split second, hard one's eyes go like kind of clear and he hesitates for a second. What out of out of habit? Pop-offs holding onto his wrist, swinging back and forth.

Free. Out of habit, I pretend like it hurt me for hard ones, Ego. Ow, that really hurt. I'm going to be back at fourth free. Out of habit, I pretend like it hurt me for her one's ego. Ow, that really hurts. Hardwood smiles a little bit. Ha ha ha. And then a hard one is going to take a second attack. This one does hit, it's the bites.

He takes a bite, he's not as potent as whaling yet. He's still learning, guys, give him a break. Come on in, bring it into Moch into the moonshot rest five damage of piercing. He still has his baby vampire teeth He's just has like little ones. That's alright man. They'll grow in they'll grow in you're good. How are you doing great? I feel so threatened oh And then you actually take ten the chronic damage that goes off your total How are you looking at HP wise? Moonshine?

Um, I'm at 32. Don't let one of these fucking battles. I don't have any rage left so I can't take it. I don't get to do any resistance. At the end of Hard One's turn, Whalen is going to use legendary action and is going to take a claw attack against Moonshine. That's a 24 to hit. This is not as much damage as the bite, but you don't got any bites left.

This turn, that is going to be 11 damage. Moonshine just piercing. You know, I just live to feed. I live to serve a good meal, and that's what I'm doing right now, so... You're a double-eye. That is our new friend, JV. Oh, okay. Look at this guy's quads, eh?

They're almost as big as yours. I'm going to run over and I, can I, I'm gonna reckless attack. Okay, can I try to like hip check moonshine out of the way to shield her from Whalen? You can try something like that. I mean, he's got movement like everybody else so he can just... Alright, so I'm gonna do my best to just get my wide body. Okay, what?

Between moonshine and Whalen and I'm going to... You're a wide little guy. Yeah. Yeah? Yes? It probably tastes like ash quite man So I'm gonna swing my ex-seem pretty polite how fucking red you are I'm angry super red right now 20 but I'm gonna 27 super hits cool 16 wow just that 10 that's easy

So reckless attack I get to use advantage on the second one as well, right? Yep, all right, cool. 24 hits, 14 damage. Wow, little thing. Ooh, yes, quite man. A brick wall over here. You see, Bortram and Balnor are last in the order

that as the spawn like get up, Bortram and Balnor are just these like fucking chunky ass knights charging forward swords up. Spawn are gonna get up. Get in there, coach. I believe in you. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of what you're in the shooting.

You all are showing a lot of hustle out there. I don't have any hustle today. I'm gonna kick my butt. I'm gonna do stairs after this. So the spawn are going to get up from Prone and they're gonna go over to, I'll say it's a little bit too much of a melee for them to all get around Moonshine,

but they're concentrating fire. They're trying to take one of you guys down. First one misses on its claw attack. He's going to take a bite attack. It's an 11-a-hit misses. Spawn misses on both. Natural five misses, second guy hits on his bite. So that is going to be nine piercing damage.

Three necrotic damage. How's Moonshine looking? Yeah. Well, on the outside she looks great. On the inside. She's struggling. Okay, I'm gonna say this spawn only has melee attacks so we can't really get in on Moonshine. It's going to go after JV. Bring it on. Bring it on. Where'd you pick that up? Did you hear that in Glade Home? Yeah, bunch ofick folks said that as they asked a lot of my all my mates. You're interested in you embrace this.

Yes, we're all bad guys. We're all bad. He was my easiest periton or ever to bring over to the light right away. Does he came? I never wanted to be bad. We had a talk that lasted like, oh, minute. Does six damage to, does nine slashing damage to you? So that's half. So that's a half ridge.

And then it's gonna try to bite you, roll some advantage, hits on the bite for nine damage halved, so four. Okay. But this necrotic damage is not gonna be halved. So four. Okay. But this necrotic damage is not gonna be halved. Five necrotic damage. Okay.

That is Bortrum's turn. Bortrum is going to run up and start going after one of these spawn that are on moonshine at the moment. And you see he like pulls out this long sword and it glows bright white around all of these evil doers. Now we're talking. This is on the first deck. He's really good, I promise.

He's talking a little louder. Second attack does hit. And you know what? Why not? He will do a third level divine smite. That's our coach. We owe a lot. We owe a lot.

We owe a lot. We owe a lot. Bortram goes up, misses on one attack, but does a full 41 damage, which smite, blows up one of these spawn and clears a spot in front of moonshine. Great. Now somebody could perhaps heal her, but he couldn't get to her to touch her. Okay. Because I established that with the spawn that they couldn't attack her, so allies can't

get to her, but now they can. That is Balnor's turn. Balnor is just going to rush forward and Balnor doesn't have a magical weapon, so I think he knows he's a little outclassed by Whalen here, so he's just gonna start cracking on these spawns. And he fucking crits, not 20. Hell yeah. Nice, he is going to do 15 damage to one of these spawn.

Bag him. Then he takes a second attack and misses on the second attack. That is Bev's turn. All right, okay. then he takes a second attack and misses on the second attack. That is Bev's turn. All right, okay. I'm just going to, as a bonus action, I'm gonna activate my sword, so I reroll into now. Great.

And then I'm going to sprint towards moonshine and I'm going to touch hands her. Nice. I'm going to kind of get right next to her, like behind her, kind of slap my hands on either side of her thigh. Okay, we're doing a little, like I'm a little caboose. Two vampires eating her while a halfling

is like grabbing her butt with holy energy. How much, I have 45 to spare. Am I glowing with the holy energy now? Are they sucking? Am I, is my blood holy now? Can I do a religion check to see if like, they get a little holy blood? Sure.

Okay. That's a 16. A 16. I will... Beat it! Come on, put the Lord in my mouth. I'll let you do a D4 of holy damage to a hard one and, um, whaling. That's one damage.

Okay. Holy damage. Okay. The Holy Damage they get. One, if I, if Dead Eye from Hiding is like, yes, because one Holy Damage is all it takes to keep Whalen from regenerating. One really? We literally needed to do one point of Radiant Damage to make sure it's next turn to keep him from healing.

Hell yeah. Feeling bad. Nice. Way to go, Biff. I'm hiding. Way to go, Biff hiding I'm going to go I'm going to go out of his blood with Pelor's big juicy burger

yeah, babe alright, I'm going to go ahead and give you like 35 HP sure cool so I got 10 left for emergencies thank you, babe oh my head's firmly on your butt haha that is Wlon's turn. On Waylon's turn, he is going to look at you, Bev,

and he's gonna go bring it on. This is all gotten out of hand. You need to go on up to the man or tell my daddy what's going on. You need to respect people's sexual journeys. Go ahead and make a wisdom saving, though. Hey, I'm the one who's trying to, you know, do my thing, and people are getting upset about it.

You are being very judgmental about people who are progressing at their own pace in life. And I think you have to restate. I thought it was great. I think you would taste great. I want to eat your little boy blood. That is a very negative celebration. You're necking with your system mate. I'm going to reroll that one.

And don't fetishize him. I'm not. You're sacking to be supported at going the pace. He's going to support him I sucked all the blood out of his neck and then just like throwing his shell body on the ground There are better ways to show support. I'm gonna reroll my one. Okay That's a natural 20 Yeah, that doesn't sound like a very good idea at all Run away like that that just no sir long sounds good idea at all. You do run away like that, that just no more lawn.

Sounds like a bad idea. You're not my coach, you're not my daddy. Band of boobs is dropping rocks at the table. It's like sea. That is your turn, Moonshen. Okay, I guess so, okay, so I will spore him, and then I will just attack with Rosalina. Okay.

And I got a net one. Okay, you goof at big time. And then I'm also going to go. That's my fault I'm stealing your ass. I'm also, if I misty step, do I take attacks of opportunity? No. Then I guess I'm also going to misty step away.

Sweet. Yeah, hard one and wailing like knock heads. Yeah. As they're biting into your neck and you disappear. Okay. Night crawler out of there. Chip your teeth. Ah, you fucking idiot.

Sorry, master. Okay, he's not gonna take a legendary action that I that's your turn. Murf, would you say that Scarlet Montgomery was a significant enemy? Ha ha ha! Yes, although she didn't seem it. Man, tap.

She's exactly the same as Whalen. You guys are fucking going to blows with him. If she's a significant foe, I'm going to regain a grip point. We're going to go ahead and make this a violent shot. I'm assuming that no one clocked my stealth check. No one can see that. Oh, sorry.

Can I just say that I missed a step to where, to where dead eye was? I'm going to say you generally know where he is. You'll need to do a pur... where he is. Yeah, just in the area. Okay, yeah. Yeah. Cool, so this is gonna be an advantage tacking from hiding. This is a violent shot.

She's, let's go. Be so cool to hit a 20 here. Hold on. Shout out to the two crew on the lower of those, but that's a 12 plus 11 is 23 to hit. Whaling. Super hits. Woo. Um, Rad, this is gonna be a holy bullet.

Snot is fucking boring. What do you fucking want? Sorry, we're boring you. Yeah, important to us. Why are we fighting? God, do you really tend to be into this? We could have just ate you and it would have been fucking over.

That's not mutually beneficial. What? Uh, that's 32 damage to just like part of its chest explodes at. Oh, fuck, you're annoying, man. I'm gonna, yeah. So I reload, Reba, take the shot, and I'm going to bonus action high, die to another hiding spot.

Ah. Real shoot deadly. See, a real shootout stuff. Cover fire, love it. And that's time crisis too. That's gonna be a... 20-C. That's a 35 stealth check.

Good for you. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha without trace app. Yes, yes, yes, yes. This is not normal. Yes, as JV would say, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Cool, that is Evil Hard One's turn. Evil Hard One, you know what? Evil Hard One will go after JV. Ah, aye. Ah. I thought he was a friend of yours. It's complicated.

Evil Hard One hits. You guys see, Hard One now is like a more beastial form of himself, and it's using like claws. Damn. So what's now a pick with their speaking stone? Hop on you, gotta give him a manny. Rare. Let's snap a pick with their speaking stone. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha So JV, you're able to block these long fingernails. You chip one of Hard One's nails. Oh my God.

It's so complicated. It was a fake nail. Oh my God. It's so complicated here. It was bedazzled. Then I guess Whalen is going to take a legendary action and try to bite JV. Oh wait, he doesn't have any fucking blood.

He's just gonna swing it, J.B. Mm. Mm-hmm. Bloodless, you smell fucking nasty, man. Yes. Ah, nat 20. But the attacks don't do that much, the claws don't do that much. This bloodless coward's gonna save our life.

16 damage, so I have to eight. And then that is the spawns turn. This coward's gonna save our life. 16 damage, so have to eight, and then that is the spawn's turn. The two remaining spawn are going to turn on JV. Oh, Chris! Hahaha! There's that! Ah, claw attack hits.

They're gonna hit a lot, cause they're advantage now. That's, I see why you wear the mask now. Nine damage on the claw attack, halved to four, and then is going to take a bite at ya, and hits for nine damage, half to four. And then this, you're gonna take full, this is a necrotic. 11 necrotic damage. And then the you're gonna take full this necrotic 11 necrotic damage and then the second spawn

It's it's on the first attack with the claws for eight damage half to four and then this is oh wait No, that's just claws. Okay. Now taking a bite attack hits on the bite attack. They have advantage nine damage of piercing half to four five damage of necrotic straight up. Right then. And then is going, Whalen is going to take a legendary action at the end of their turn and beat Anya, to take a legendary action at the end of their turn and beat Anya and he hits. That is 14 damage half to seven. Okay, that is Bortrim's turn. He's going to pat JV on the butt, show him good hustle, good hustle, and then he's going to... he'll just attack Whalen, I guess. Take a couple cracks in him. He's going to hit on the first attack, and why not?

He will do, you know what? He will do a second level smite with his long sword. He does a total of 29 damage. Sweet as. Messes Whalen shit right up. Hent Whalen goes, dead eye, you're with this freaking nerd? I can't make this any clearer. Wailin?

Did I? Is the lot in the darkness? God damn it, you've seen the lot. You're mouth up. I'm not the light in anywhere. I'm the fucking boot in your ass is what I am. Okay, we don't need to curse now. Shit fuck cockass. Hey, hey, hey. Oh, it don't need to curse now. Shit for cockass! Hi, hi, hi.

Oh, he is. Takes a second attack. I see it. Now, on Whalen, hits on the second attack, I guess why not? He'll do another second little spike. 26 damage. Whoo, yes.

The second attack. Whalen's looking pretty messed up. That is Balnor's turn. Balnor is gonna crack at some spawns, hits 13 damage. Pretty good. Hits on the second attack. Does a total of 22 damage. Messes this spawn right up.

That is Bev's turn. All right. I don't think I went this turn this round. Did I fuck up? VV? I had a 17 on initiative. I think I went after that before. My bad.

JVUGO. Right, all right. I'm gonna swing my axe at Wayland. You little incestuous prick. So reckless attack. So, ooh, 19, oh, do I create on 19? Or is that's only a human fight? That's a hard one thing.

Oh, fuck. That shit. 29 hits. This insult, you're so sing-songy. That's only a human that's fighters. Oh fuck that shit This insult you so sing songy 16 damage super hurts them bitch, which I was the assista Keeps assing him JB shut up to the two crew, but I'll go with the 10. That's 20 super. Shut up to the two crew on my damage though. Let's plot damage. JV finish him.

Yes! Oh, can't believe I'm getting missed by this little prick. I, well, I stride up to him. And I pick up Paw Paw by the tail. And I let the little possum, rip, rip, rip is thrown out. Uh, and Papa obliges, rip, uh, rip's way, let's throw it out. Oh, I'm, we be like a proud mother in taking pictures to remember this moment.

You see, in this in saying, in this insane melee is like wailin trying to hold off a bunch of people And it's just like ultra quick like punching people He like let's just go down for a second in this fucking possum launches in thrown by jv as pop-up gets towards Wailin's throat dead eye you see wailin like looks over towards the direction that you were and just yells out You're a dead man did I? I know it. And Whalen turns to mist. And now the Spawn book confused, what are we supposed to do?

You're free, be free, go forth, follow your true passions. That is, Bev's turn. All right. And I'm gonna be chasing you as you do. Okay, I give a thumbs up to JVSA. Way to conquer your fears, possums or friends and allies. Thanks.

And I guess which of these ones? There's one that's hurt. There's one that's hurt. One that's very hurt. One that's a little hurt and a hard one who's still beefed out. One that's hurt. One that's a little hurt and one that's a little hurt, and a hard one who's still beefed out. One that's hurt, one that's a little hurt, and one that's hard one.

Uh, I look more inflated. Actually, what I do is I go towards the hurt spawn, but I turn my ass towards hard one, and I wiggle it and say like, you still got so much work left to do on this ass. You can't give up yet. It's hard one vaguely thinks it looks tasty. Some of the spawns are just like,

what are they talking about? And then I just slash the nearest one. Great. I want to suck on that boy's ass. That's another natural 20. Jesus. Oh my God. Oh man.

I think record setting. Thank you for three net 20s. Is that the same thing? Amazon.com for these dice. I hope they are not secretly cheater dice. Cool. I mean you're awesome dice. I hope they are not secretly cheater dice Cool, you're all some dice 15 damage sweet. This one is very hurts. All right. I'll go ahead and finish it off. Hopefully with another slash Maybe not that's a 14

That does not hit oh it blocks wants it looks confused. I don't even know that I could do this I don't know that I could block. I put my ass out too far Okay, that is the vampire's turn. They are missed. They're slowly moving back towards their home. Moonshan that's your turn My turn I do so we need to finish off the spawn Yeah, and and find a way to wrestle hard one down. Yeah. Should I just try to polymorph him again? Mm-hmm.

I think you can do better than that first. That first possum was beautiful, but it was larger than the average possum. It lost some of the stately grace in the hammer. Yeah, I'm just gonna try and polymorph hard one again. Okay. It's gonna be a possum. I will do a, actually, you know what, hard one,

rola, what is it, a wisdom saving throw? 13. Does not save. Does not save. Yes, okay. We'll do a, actually, you know what, hard one, roll a, what is it, a wisdom saving throw? 13. Does not save. Does not save. Yes, okay, now I have to do an arcana check to try to make him. Yeah, to make him the smallest possible.

This time I got a nine. Okay, big, very big possible. Oh my God. Run, run, run, run. Just this, you're, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run You always hide to see muskweilershirt through fur. Like that's chie-roo-roo. That's super ripped kangaroo. Beverly, just a super ripped possum.

Move your legs. I want me to kill it. I want you to kill it. Oh, you got him. No, you've learned your respect, Poss. I mean, JV now. He's not a possum. He's a Paws. He is a Paws.

Wait, Paws. Right there. Paws chasing his own tail. Man. That is dead eye staring. I'm going to reload Reba. Slang Reba on my back. Pull Luann out again.

And fire on the Deaths door one. Sweet. I don't know if you can do 15 damage, man. That's gonna be a 26 to hit. That hits. That is gonna be 16 damage. Sweet, completely kill them. That is bad guy, hard ones turn. Does he, he doesn't get to reroll does he?

I don't think so Transformation lasts for the duration or until the target drops a zero hit points or dies. What is the um or what is the duration? Hour sweet. Okay, that is nice. That is big big possum hard one Just starts barking Try to actually you know what big possum hard one is going to bite you. But he wouldn't be a vampire. No, he's, he's just a big possum. He doesn't have vampire teeth.

He does just for flavor. That's cute. He got an 18 hit. Oh, that's not a hit. Again, it comes out of your leg. Out of habit, I pretend like it hurts. Rare. That's JV's turn. Gums out your leg out of habit. I pretend like it hurts

That's JV's turn Hey kid can I look at you amulet. Oh, yeah, take a gander. Can I look at the amulet as a good guy? Yeah, thanks You're part of the squad Then I'm going to swing my axe at the at the undead spawn 28 super hits. Time, 22, 22. Nice. Damn, still up.

Still up. Hasn't been hit that much. Hasn't been in a while. 26, super hits, 18. Super hurt, that's it's turn. It's just gonna mindlessly take some swings at you. Misses on the first, on the claw you. Misses on the first on the claw attack. Misses on the bite attack, natural two natural seven.

What are their coffins made out of? You would imagine like wood and magic stuff. That's Bortram's turn. He's gonna charge forward. Take some swings. He hits the vampire. Coach, he does nine damage, just a regular old attack. Shout out to the two crew misses. That's Balnor's turn. Balnor takes a swing, hits for nine damage. Swings again, crits, Balnor crit 19.

With style, Balnor finishes off this vampire spawn. Yeah, Balnor hit your comeback. Whoo! Yeah! you are the light good on you we are we are the light in the darkness, right? Yes, we are most certainly fucking you can all be the light the darkness We are the dark I think this is all proof that the dusk mother sent us together. Oh really? Wait, where was the dusk mother? Was she over behind those barrels fire? She was with us. Oh, she was with us. So all the work we did, she gets to take,

wow, godly, what a sweet bargain for the dusk mother. Oh, thanks, mother. How about it? I pat dead eyes ass. Feels good. Try you. See, I'll take that from you, because I like your style, Slim, so you can do that.

But this fucking fucking I'm not Come on now. We're all on the same team. We're on the same team. Hey focus up focus up good hustle out there similar goal I work everyone so you guys see this mist kind of just floating off Float off probably towards the end of the battle because they can use their legendary actions and whatnot to move start flying off back towards the crimson hills You guys are in this like alley Which with a bunch of dead vampire spawn and y'all just started a war with among gummeries You don't have long and you've got a yapin

Bear cub possum hard one on your hands And that's where we'll end our episode. Oh, so bad event. Polly Morphing him was a good move. Well, I was like, we need to keep him from hurting people, but also from getting hurt. And you found the funniest way to do that. Bravo.

Well, I really wanted, if I could have gotten him possum size, I wanted to put him in my overall bib with papa zip it up so that he would just be restrained in there. He'd just been a little possum fight with papa. I would never. I don't care. Papa can hold his own. In a possum fight, Cher.

In a bib possum fight, he's had a full list. That's his own little timeout sack. He's had a few scraps of bib. You could hold himself in a legal battle as well. I'd say that for the short rest, guys. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Thank you, guys, for listening. We'll talk more about the episode over on patreon.com slash nad pod. That's NADD. POD. Don't sing yet. We got some stuff to plug. Brennan, why don't you start us off.

Hey, gang. So you guys can check out Dim dimension 20 over on dropout.tv That's an actual play video show that do with Emily and Murph and a bunch of college humor friends like Shabbon and Zach Lew Wilson Ally Beardsley, we also have some fun side quest seasons with our pal Matt mercer's on the most recent side quest season blood Cape with a bunch of other fun people You can also check out sketches and stuff at college humor and a strong people protagonist.com, just the web comic. Yeah. Guys, check out Me and Emily's sketch show. It's called Hot Date, it's PhilbondNetFlix. You can also check out our book. It's called Hey You Up, How to Turn Your

Booty Calling the Emergency Contact, it's Philbond, Amazon, and on Audible. Called All, What do you got? This big guy, I like to plug our store. We have a lot of merchandise and hopefully by the time this. Ooh, we have a lot of merchandise. And hopefully by the time this goes up, we'll have some new stuff in there. We've got some new stuff that we're planning on getting out. So be on the lookout. That is store.nadpod.com.

Wonderful, thank you. That sounds like a joke. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. The best jokes are real. And if you want to send us stuff, you can do it at 1920 Hillhurhurst Avenue, number 222, Los Feliz, California 90027.

Jake, what do you got? BrotherSisterMereDoyle. Yeah. BrotherSisterCo.com, you can get beered oil for your Mangy little beard and turn into a nice one. Or the sister, mister, use it on your body. I am a proud sister, mister. Or I'm a proud mist and sister. Thank you very much.

Van Pyrr mist. Yeah. Guys follow us on Twitter, AdTHMurf is me, AdColdisCaldor, AdDiAxtroDemily, AdJKR which is Jake and Brennan what's your Twitter?

AdBrennanLM, it's B-R-E and N-A-N, L-M. Is the L-M stand for Little Man? Yeah, BrennanLM. That's fun. Guys, tweet at BrennanLittleMan, hashtag BrennanLittleMan.

Can I make a special request? I'm one inch it. Guys, tweet at Brennan Littleman, hashtag BrennanLittleman. Can I make a special request? I'm one inch tall. I live in an acorn house. Don't at me. What's the night, man? What's the night, man? The arms are closed. Can I make a special request for the end of the episode?

Yeah. Can we sing we are, we are, the light and the shadow? Yeah, we can, yeah. Let's do it. We are, we are, yeah. Let's do it. We are the only shadow. We are the only shadow. The light is shadow. We certainly are not. It's the end of the episode, everybody, and that means we need to shout out our benevolent counsel of Elders.

Dead eye sends his gratitude. Starting with Brad D, the only Pepple Pot that isn't Craven, sleeps in one big bed with his entire extended family because they're all afraid of the dark. J. Loma 72, aka Steelbreaker, Hard One's Jimspiration, also J.V.'s Jimspiration. Sweet as? Also, J.V.'s gymspiration. Sweet-ass. Dylan B. a sword-wielding wizard surrounded by a floating army of blades at all times. It's like Edward Cesarhan's meets Harry Potter. Oh, God, Dylan just killed Ron. Danny P. Bohumius resident artist, painted hard-won senior portrait at the door of an edge.

Danny will need to go back in and Photoshop some fangs in there. Spencer cask-b brew patron elder libations, ale maker to gods and heroes of Bahumia alike, serves evil deities as well, but they get a foamy poor. Griffin SD aka the stranger, the silver dragonborn eldritch knight and ex owner of the batter's pint and Griffin lost the tavern after Ezri please caught them spiking drinks with arcane. Beard man day and longest beard and all the Huma, and weirdly has even more translucent skin than hard ones.

Scott D, one of Jivelin's bandit friends, who was also brutally killed by Mama. Cute! Hermes W, the Bat King, frequently mistaken for a vampire in bat form, makes for a lot of awkward conversations with skaters. Spartis used to be the greatest warrior in the Boy King's Coliseum, but pivoted to being a religious life coach once the Alatogover. Honestly, the crowds are just as big. Adam R. the R-rated assassin used to be the G-rated assassin, but saying, ah, Shucks,

during a kill just didn't have enough edge. Danielle the Dastardly Dame, Danielle is so dastardly that she went and highlighted all the graffiti on the Dusk Mother's Church so it couldn't be washed off. Rude all. Hucy, aka Haldor, Frostbuck, MVP of the Giant Wars Crude on the SS Stormborn and Fodelongside, Elias and Red, Partied with Dead Eye, and yes, also snorted Arcane off of Gunther's Ass.

Daniel Yu, aka Multifor, the many-faced magician. One of their faces has gotten big into war games recently and has drained several other faces bank accounts in building its armies. Jordan DJ Legendary DJ of the Realm is banned from Galatoron after dropping a beat so devastating that it made all of Upper Galatoron collapse. Jeffrey S, Lord of the Fjord, born of the sword and master of the written word, that's right. Jeffrey is the possum the Fjord, born of the sword and master of the written word, that's right. Jeffrey is the possum tutor that taught Papa how to write.

Cutter W. A high-health dandy turned, Crick-Barchitect. Cutter sold Papa, his possum starder stump, and did it without taking any brown leaves as a commission. John S. aka Shupr The Mushroom was eaten by a dorker, but survived and ended up growing until he made the dork explode. Congrats, Shubert! Ryan M. Hardwan's Ram, who survived the long walk back to Frostwind, only to die after eating some bad grass.

R.I.P. Ryan. Elena C. A true villain who fed Ryan the aforementioned bad grass. Michael McD, head miss, mixologists at the Man Inn. Also, head mixologist of mocktails at the green teen, Ezri Jamberine. Andrew and Beatle-Alanis at arm wrestling. I know she's a wizard, so it's not that impressive, but she was throwing fireballs at him during it. Victor T. Boundnor's boy, who's loving dad,

was ripped from his family and transported to another world. Boundor planes walked back to say, hey, to Victor, while hard one was being killed by Scarlet, so Meriff is not at fault. That's right, just an eye. Scarlet's is Prodeje, who is keeping the straight edge lifestyle alive in Ezri. Kia.

Kia indeed. Jacob C. Papa's awakened grandfather, who served with Lieutenant Bricker in the Ezri police. That's right, Papa's pap grandfather who served with lieutenant pricker in the Esri police. That's right, Papa's papaw was a popo. Elena M. Glad Roselle's personal stylist currently trying to track down a turtle neck that's blessed with the light, but also pitch black. Mick pucks the amazing code master who programmed our website, also invented putting your speaking stone into a cup when you're pre-gaming,

truly an unrivaled innovator. Earl and Kathleen Ella chosen Soldier and a dark paladin in a forbidden relationship. The Ella disapproves, but Akarad is straight up jealous. Jive Gick, later on chef, currently using Pompos likeness without permission to promote their new Scramble Man egg-based brunch tavern. See you in court, Jodd! Jostritch, the Jocke Astrid, recently won the Bohumian Invitational Golf Tournament using only one club, their own head.

Daniel R. Ram, Daniel's evil twin, and the black sheep of their family, however, since every ram in the Daniel's family is black, they decided to become evil to try to stand out. Nicholas R. AKA St. Crickles. Every year St. Crick visits all the children of the Crick and leaves them precious little gifts he purchased from a shell gas station mere moments earlier that day. Jennifer V. has a V that's even more vicious than Cubs.

Jennifer's V. is so vicious it recently evolved into a devastating W which is equal parts impressive and disgusting. Destincy of Empire from the neighboring town of Grimhawk, where everything is basically the same except 20% stickier. Devin B, the Bodega Lord, made a bacon egg and cheese on a Kaiser roll that was so good it can cast true resurrection on whoever eats it. Michael L, the Kabablin, a spear-wielding goblin who specializes in skewering multiple foes on their long wooden

halberd. Sam H. Alonus' dealer once got pulled over by the Chosen and had to eat their entire supply. They got so high they dreamed up an entire parallel universe called Trinny there. Sergio Salazar Solomon Sikarias Di Sequani, 7th of his name is sexy Peruvian snake folk with sweet snake patterns on his skin. If you see this man's slither, your heart's gonna whither. Traylae the great-fay who loves grays.

Anatomy, which in Bohumia is the name of one of Beverly's Grey Night's spellbooks. Aaron G. Master of the Banishment spell, Aaron just got done with their annual spring banishing and sent over three bags of old clothes to the Goodwill dimension, very charitable. Jory S. A jacked wizard Jory keeps a 45 pound weight tied into their beard so they can build next strength while practicing magic. Alucard, a reverse Dracula. They can see their reflection in everything, even non-reflective surfaces like wooden rocks. Luckily Alucard is also super vain, so it works out great.

Babydark, the only doctor to ever perform their own C-section, is beloved by everyone except their little sibling, Baby Aspiring Comedian. At a major Crick-Elf who invented a flatbread dish covered in sauce, cheese, and crawdaddy, is they call it... Petri's... Uhhh... Kallungy, a beast master ranger who recently discovered there familiar was actually just a polymorphed gnome playing a trick on them for 20 years.

Where's it? Ryan Hardwan's ram was taken in by a demon hunter who trained Ryan in the art of slaying. Better watch out, Hardwan. Ryan the Rampire hunter is coming for you. Big Buck, pregnant elk moonshine's elk and baby. You could tell Big Buck apart from the other baby elves by looking for the one who's drunk. Richard F. a vampire who was ironically reincarnated as a mosquito or as they're called in Shadowfell blooder flies.

J-W-G-A-K Richard X-Mokina introduced the Crick-2 Lupsters. Richard thinks it went well, but can't really tell because all the elves passed out after sucking down all that jumbo-saz brown. Troy McSea, Bohumi's newest radio personality, their edgy material already has them banned in Glatoron. Cannibalistic Getthulu, not ready to go full vegan but has vowed to stop eating children. Sam Elisuckubes, who is so hot, they still get laid when they're in their true form. Damm are a champagne jennassy. Like a water jennassy except they only show up to celebration.

Josh asked the revived cyborg version of Josh the Cobald is mostly hideous and bad, but damn if that tiny robotic lizard tail isn't adorable. Let's be, Jimmy Tree owner of Dwarggers Big Borgers! Just started a dollar menu where for a buck you can take a bite of a Big Borgers! Caleb Storm, Cup Bear and Cards Great Hall also has allowed to shoot celebrity shots at Cards Beer Pong Table, no bouncing. Nicholas C has starred in every movie ever made in Bahumia, has never been nominated for any award.

Matt L, caretaker at the Shadowfell dwarf inage. Interestingly, it's way nicer than the one in Iron Deep. Mike H called Dead Nostril because they have a deviated septum. Also pretty good with a snot rocket. Kevin Assa, Grimhawk Simpleton who was never drained because they already seemed like they had been when the vampires came around. Matthew E. Jivelin's buddy who was shot in the face by Old Cobb, wouldn't honor. Samuel B in Home Living in the Roans of the Watchman's Tower simply mystified by the amount

of spy the Watchman did on people in their bathrooms. Till for G, author of the hit Children's Book Of Gargose Punch, which is being adapted into a feature film starring Nix A. Guardian of the Light, Zack H. Bahumi is only Keyblade wielder, sewing themselves a giant land-yered for said Keyblades. Mitch D. and Enlightened, Drunken Master Water Genasi named Doc Alpha, who gets into a nightly battle with a bottle of Jack and has never won. Curtis asks Kubeon, Bortrum's Revenant football team.

They mostly play shells and are undefeated. Colton B is a shell stand-up comedian and Grimhawk who had their first set last week and has not stopped laughing at their own opening joke. Yens Christian T challenges people to a duel by slapping them with a boot instead of a glove, ouch. Gage M. a scrying sword who scrambles the messages back to their owner because they believe in privacy. Unrupple. love, ouch. Melanie F. A.K.A. T.A. Vina Saragon, an Asimar Paladin who drunkenly swore a blood oath, but forgot what for, currently on a bar crawl to see if they can run into whoever they

made their promise to. Aaron C. A medium-sized, polymorphed possum. When you see them next to pop on a hard pot, it's super cute. Hannah F has a bunch of those magical lanterns in their house, but uses them as cool planters. Devin T. of Vampire Spawn, who, unlike Hardwan, at least got to have some nice super hot sex before they died. Montana Monarch, the head of a rich family of royal butterflies, and yes, they do have connections to the caterpillar mafia.

L.N.D., the fiercest woman in Bohemia, at least. That's what it said in the magazine, covers story for Gladehomes, Elvin Women's Health. Carbrow Chapel Hill FPV, the Baron of Chapel Hill. Chapel Hill is, of course, between Upper and Middle Glateron off the F-stop on the Glateron Tram. Chad A, an assassin with a heart of gold, so a bad assassin. on the glitter on tram. REECE, NS, a swashbuckler who says a clever one-liner every time they kill someone, unfortunately REECE has trouble coming up with one-liner, so it often results in painful slow deaths. TJM, the Crick-Elf Road Comon, who showed young cop the ropes and got him into stand-up comedy.

RPKB, a droid programmed by Alonis to hide weed smell with built-in scented sprays. Taylor, S-A-K-A, trashed the traveler, trashed has seen all of Bohumi accept the crick. It looked super muddy and trashed, wasn't wearing boots. Anime intellect, a demigod like the watchman except only for watching every anime ever. Jala Dalo, an agent of the Knights of Cuddy, an elite group of warriors who fight as fiercely as they feel. Joshua C. a vegetable farmer in the Feywild trying real hard to sell everyone in olives as the savoury grape. Larissa J. One of the most feared pirates at Smuggler's Bounty has literally never watched

a movie they didn't download illegally. Genevieve F. A high elf currently having trist with a squatting crick douses themselves and for breeze whenever they go home lest their parents smell the crick water on them. Dylan CM the toughest brawler at the blue men in always gets the best seat on jazz trios and tapas night. Kelvin Noodles the pasta elemental, marinara, and sneases Alfredo. B-Money, Boundnor's hip-hop alter-ego, currently feuding with DI. Dead eyes, hip-hop alter-ego. And you're A, the Faye that saves the day, but always a little too late.

Just showed up to the autumn court to save King Lesterborn and Queen Serilla already reunited in Frenching. J, Boundnor's old fish and butter for the halfling village. Always netted a fatter butter for the halfling village. Always netted a fatter tune in the Balnor. Heartless master, a sadistic freak who shaves dwarves beards in their sleep. C.C. Lulu, an adorable shadow felon preteen who hasn't gone through there, I want to be a vampire stage and loves their parents very much.

Paul B, the trapperkeeper, a ranger who's snarric, skills are so nasty, no prey gets away. Barns and aater, a sentient barn that traipses the countryside, just looking for horses and sheep to shield from the rage. Shane M. A Celtic God, who's living in Bohumia as an everyday no-mo-counton, sounds crazy, but it's the only way Shane feels like and finds someone who loves them for them. Yes, man, aka Yes, man, the sorcerer whose magic power has come from the power of positive thinking. them for them. Good bye, my sweetnesses. That was a headgun podcast.