Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 66: Unholy Pilgrimage (The Shadowfell Saga)

Episode Date: June 28, 2019

The Band of Boobs finish their business in Grimhawk and head off to find the Dark Lord Galad Rosell! Hardwon reunites with Ryan the Ram, Beverly does a bit of gambling, and Moonshine gives Paw Paw an upgrade. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content! Get tickets to our upcoming live shows at naddpod.com/live. Music/Sound Effects include:"Crackling Fire" by sagetyrtle at Freesound.org."Shadowfell Sneak" by Emily Axford."Growing Pains" by Emily Axford."Club chatter, London" by mlteenie at Freesound.org."Grimhawk" by Emily Axford."Invisible But Not Invincible" by Emily Axford."Shock at the Dock" by Emily Axford."Unholy Pilgrimage" by Emily Axford.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a Headgun Podcast. Hey everybody, it's Emily here to talk to you about Adam and Eve. Who wants better sex? And who wants to start having better sex immediately? The best way to level up your sex game is to go to Adamaneeve.com right now. Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item, plus free shipping, which includes rush shipping. More than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy.

They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority, plus 100% free shipping with rush processing on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy, all will be packaged and sent discreetly. So don't wait, better sex is just a click away. That's 50% off one item, free shipping with rush processing. Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to Adamineave.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire. Just enter offer code

PAPA at checkout. That's www.atadominiv.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to the podcast, so be sure to use the code PAPA to get your discount 100% free shipping and get it fast with brush processing. Code P-A-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, Sweeties. Hey, guys, it's the whole two crew here, the Band of Boobs in your direct messenger. What up, what up? That's right, all five of us.

Ha, ha, ha. And... Perne Gossier here. Oh, six. Oh, yeah. Guys, we have a couple of awesome announcements. We have five count them, five live shows coming up on the East Coast this September.

A big ol' tour baby. Oh yeah, this is gonna be the Nannerfly Effect tour. Every live show is going to be sort of a, what if? A, what could have happened for certain integral moments in the podcast? Perhaps we'll see what could have happened for certain integral moments in the podcast? Perhaps we'll see what would have happened if hard one had rolled a nat 20 to save Gemma What if old Cobb had rolled a one on his death save? And tease yet again only those

Thread go to our show will find out guys You can get tickets at nadpod.com slash live. We're gonna be in Atlanta, Georgia, at Variety Playhouse on September 10th. We're gonna be in Philadelphia on September 11th at Punchline Comedy Club. We're gonna be in New York at Town Hall Theater on September 12th, on September 13th.

We're gonna be in Boston at the Wilbur Theater and finally on September 12th, on September 13th, we're gonna be in Boston at the Wilbur Theater, and finally on September 14th. We are going to be at the Rex Theater in Pittsburgh, AKA Kretsberg. Guys, again, you can get those tickets at nadpod.com slash live. A lot of the tickets have a pre-sale code. Our pre-sale code is pop-paw. So go to these sites, type pop-off,

and you'll be able to buy tickets by- That's P-A-W-P-A-W. We don't want people doing P-A-P-A. That's right. It's pop-off. That's your pop-off. It's pop-off. Okay, pop-off.

Reem. Reem, rem, rem. Yeah. Guys, get your tickets before they sell out. All of our shows have sold out so far. So if you want to see us, make sure you get them fast. Guys, we also have an announcement about our Patreon. So we are in the announcements.

So many announcements, baby. We are doing the gritty reboot of our tiers and have a lot of exciting stuff coming up. That's right, we're emo now. Oh yeah, that's right. I mean, it's basically the same but it looks different and we have some new Exciting shows. It's like when your favorite restaurant starts serving some new dishes. Exactly It's still got the old hits, but now they do milkshakes too. Yeah, and we have some fun new art on the page

Please go check it out if you haven't already and if this is if you've never Join the patreon before now is a very good time to start Yes, because if you tag in even to the $5 tier to listen to the short rest episodes, you've got like 50 that you get to start listening to right now. You can also tag. Yes, the back of log. Add free episodes are mixed bags,

which oftentimes are pretty similar to our old show, Ape at Book Club. We watch nerdy movies together or you're sucking me into the void on this. Yeah. We made Jake watch Final Fantasy Advent Children. For $10, you can listen to that. And us talking about the World of Warcraft movie, it's a juicy proposition.

So guys, head on over to patreon.com slash nad pod. But also go to nad pod.com slash live and see us in person. And just a reminder, guys, last week's live show was not canon. So we are picking up where we left off with episode 65. So without further ado, on with the show. Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Welcome back to Bohumi everyone. Bohumiya. Bohumiya!

Wow. I like the delay. Yeah, like a little Sega intro. I'm your dungeon master Brian Murphy joined by Jake Hurwitz. Hard one sure foot. Again. Welcome back. Goodam, sure, foot. Again. Welcome back.

Oh. Goodammerly Axford. Moonshine Sabin, nastier than a Grimhawk Granny. Ooh. Ed called Waltender. Beverly Toggle, the fifth. Missing my friend at the Red Finn.

Oh. Guys, the Red Finn is bad. Yeah, give me the DMV. Oh my bad, yes. Missing JV at the DMV. Oh my bad, yes. Missing JV at the DMV. Oh, great. No. We should call it the JV Municipal Building.

He'd love that. JV Center for Cards. For Cards, the center of the cards. For horses and such, he loved paperwork. Guys, excuse me. Let's do a little recap. So last week you guys finished off Ambrose Montgomery in his coffin, then laid waste to the other tombs in the Crimson Hills.

The vampiric mist surrounding the town started to dissipate, inspiring the town's folk to rise up against the skaters. A riot began, during which newly freed vampire hard one's shorefoot proved himself to be on the side of the living, besting the vampire Langston in a duel in front of a bunch of peasants. The rest of you rushed back into town and entered a battle at the Red Fen where vampires were making their last stand. During the fight, JV was turned to ash, but his cohorts, Schmork and Ginny showed up

to help you finish off the vamps. You all met back up with hard one, then headed back to the church to assure that J.V. came back all right. We cut over to J.V. in the Dusk Mother's Demi Plane, where he ran into Rosa, one of the little halfling revenants whose earn was lost in the fire. She was stuck in the Demi Plane and couldn't find a way out. J.V. selflessly offered over his lantern, allowing her to be resurrected, but dooming himself. J.V.'s kindness was rewarded in the end when he was offered a place in Mordans forage

by the God himself. And that's where we are now. There's too much loss in this horde. Okay, so you guys are in the burnt down church. The statue of Duskmother still stands. All of the Revenants are still alive, except for JV has been lost and Bortram has been lost. But hard one is back.

Look at these creepy twins, right? Hey, just, shh. All right, exactly. For now. Didn't realize it was a sensitive thing. It was all mean. It's been a wild couple days. Yeah, it was in a wine cellar.

I apologize. I know, I know. Did you try something? I did, I did, I did too, by the way. Yeah, it was. He was actually a really good guy. Really? I know.

He was my brother. Did you know that? I know. As far as I knew, he was just sort of a piece of shit who got me killed by Lion2. You know what? We all need a drink. Did you try some of the wine while you were down there? Your breath kinda, it's a little bit on there.

Well, I don't really have a taste for it anymore. The rats are kind of my thing now. Oh wait, I got an idea. I get moonshine to summon another rat, and I don't get into the eternal beer mug. Oh god, a beer so rat. Yeah. Try that.

That'll do the trick. Yeah, but I mean, I'm sorry for your loss. I didn't know you lost your brother. I know you have a lot of siblings, but it's not easy. I know, but you know, it was such a nice connection. And now JV's gone too. It's just too many people gone for one day. I feel like the universe should limit it to just one hard loss per day.

Yeah. Yeah. But it just doesn't seem to have respect for the sensitivities of the small Let's work on that. Let's make that our rule who cares about the universe You know, I've been thinking about what did I said a little bit and like Sure the gods are there and we have to use their power because we've got things we need to do but we shouldn't be afraid to Act on our own. To use our own power, you know?

Listen to the young baby sipping that sacrilege sauce, huh? No, no, no. I prostrate myself. The desk mother helps those who help themselves. See, that's sort of stuff. No, I agree, I agree, I do agree with that. Yeah, I think there's some jargon you can jive on. Yeah.

Yeah, and no more no more loved one deaths That sounds good to me. It's a good rule. Yeah, let's try to let's try to make sure that doesn't happen anymore You know, I guess hard one when it comes down to it Above all else. I'm just really glad you're back. Yeah It's it's real good to be here with the family I chose. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. That's a nice way to look at it.

Can we bring it in? Yeah, let's bring it in. Boundler, get over here. All right, guys. Hey, you know what? The gang keeps changing, but it keeps staying the same. Am I right? Hey, you got a new sword, man?

Or a cornhole? Yeah. You're good. Hey, he you got a new sword for the core for He switched to a wood sword. Oh, yeah, okay, the old one was out of wood. No, that was a different I was gonna say I had a practice sword that I had out at this one moment. They've been razzling You know why actually I do have something that You know, actually I do have something that, you know, we're talking about the core four, we're talking about saying, you know, gang changes, but it stays the same. And there's one little change I'd like to make in my life. So, you know, maybe since we're all here, I might do it.

You know, after seeing what these skaters asked that I would have called them, sorry, actually that's kind of about you. I'm sorry. No, that's fine. That's funny. I like it. After seeing what they do, what with, you know, create and spawn and, you know, making little slaves for themselves, I, you ever heard the expression that you hate

and others, what you hate the most about yourself? Yeah, it's a very early on in the green teen handbook, strangely. Okay, wow, they get it. Page one. It's much respect to your folk. Yeah, they keep it real. Well, I started Newtalin and I started thinking that I

I sort of was doing the same thing what would make in zombies and I decided that I do not want To make slaves anymore, but instead a soldier so I would like to no longer make any zombies because I don't think that's the right way to treat a dead body Did it feel good for me? Yeah, and I didn't like controlling you gay us or anything like that. So instead I would like to channel all of my fungal energy instead into this little warrior and I take Papa, and I want to take all of my fungal energy and just channel it into him. So Papa has just had his first combat, his first real battle that he was in there. And he's very proud and honored by your offer. You see, he scrambles out of your bib and he lowers his head.

And you begin to reach your hands towards him. And you see your hands take on the sort of deathly fungal form that they usually take when you use your spores to bring back a zombie or do damage or something like that. But as they get closer to Papa, your hands change from these like gray, black mushrooms to being like green and healthy and life energy. And you touch Papa on the shoulder as if tonight him. You showed her once't you shoulder? Rear, rear. And you see some green spores fall off your hand and land in his fur.

And Papa's eyes roll back and he goes, oh, and you see he begins to expand into bear cub size. Paw paw. Wow. Oh, reaming, reaming, reaming. That's right, my little soldier. That's right, you ready to go back to me?

You're my soldier. You ready to go back to me? I wrestle him. You know, he starts rassel with you. Trap him, trap him, pop off. He tries to, he tries to, he tries to, he tries to, he bashes heads with everybody. Oh, yeah.

He's trained him well. And then after a little bit, pop off reverts back to just being a little regular pop off and the way this is going to work mechanically, kind of much like Bev traded some abilities to do Both of vengeance and oath of agents. We have homebrewed something for moonshine so that rather than creating Zombies she's got a buff for pop-off. So when moonshine turns into fungal form pop-off goes into his fungal form. And he becomes a little monster, Papa.

Sort of scramble. This game fucking rips. This game is so good. Fun chest. So basically, I mean, I got a lot of money now. Oh, hard one, you weren't there, but we've got there my filthy rich now. Oh, fuck yeah.

Maybe we can buy a cure for that, for some. I mean, I'd like to, like I said, channel it into public works and whatnot, but I am going to spread a pretty penny getting some armor for my son. Oh, absolutely. So what can he do in his new form? He goes in a battle with us. I don't know if this would be totally appropriate, but I reach into the bag and I pull out the dagger, the murder weapon.

Oh, that's so kind, Beth, but Papa's kind of a more of a beast. So I don't think he's gonna be fighting with weapons and standing around. Yeah, I wanted you to get that thing away from my face. I thought you purposes, you purposes. You purposes, if the, but why don't we just put that in the bucket bag, all right? Actually, you purposes. New purposes, if the one we're just with that in the bucket bag, all right? Actually, you know what, maybe maybe pop

I'll give it a shot. Yeah, right, Taco Buc. Pop I- Man. See that? The little girls are getting, wow, cool dagger. Can I have it? We love daggers.

I don't know, hard ones that cool with you? I want to put you in the bag, though. I just thought it'd be cool to pass them hell of a knife. Forgive me. Any other knife would have been awesome. I didn't have any other knife. I'm sorry. So you guys are all pretty beat up.

Would you like to take a rest? What would you guys like to do? Yeah, do we? I think I want to rest at the foot of wherever JV's earn was. Like a dog who's like, oh, that's fucking fun. Yeah, that's good of it to earn. Like, hotchiko? Yeah.

Like, hotchiko, chibuya crossing? Yeah. Yeah, I think can we all just like curl up around the earn? Yeah, I take out a weighted blanket and I put it on all of us. I wanna get for learn next to this earn. Yeah. So, hard one in order for you to, so we have home brewed sort of a half vampire thing

for a hard one to do so we can use some of his abilities. He's got some downsides to being a vampire, but he's also got some upsides. One of them being that now you do like a four hour trance like moonshine, but you need a casket. You need to do like a ritual to have a resting place. Right. So that might be something you would like to take care of

before you guys take your breath. I mean, otherwise he can't rest. I mean, I could probably, you know, I could probably stay stamp for ritual. If everyone's gonna ritual. Yeah, I'm gonna build a house. I'm pretty beat, but I do need some help making, making myself a really dope cast kit.

It's not an ending, it's a beginning, really. This journey. Yeah. As long as everybody's up, can we do like one big coffin? What? Yeah! Are we allowed to come into your coffin?

Sure, I don't see why not. Oh my goodness. Yeah, we're gonna need to make a big coffin. All right, all right. Sweet. Pop, pop, pop, I'll get the blue prince. Pop, pop, start helping you guys put together a coffin. You guys can probably find some reclaimed wood

from this destroyed church. Damn, some of the jettelains, some some reclaimed wood from this destroyed Damn some of Jevelyn some the pews from Jevelyn So guys go ahead and give me Let me know how you guys want to help with the ritual of creating hard ones coffin And I will tell you what skill to use like moonshine you could use Nature something if you want to use the wood and some mask away or something. I want to like commune with the wood and work it to my will. Okay, go ahead and make a nature check.

15. 15. So moonshine you probably- What kind of wood is this? We're talking like you or oh. Pine birch. Pine birch. I'm birch. Yeah. This is some weird otherworldly shadow fell Dead tree situation. So let's look at ash birch. Yeah, so moonshine for your purposes

This all being like very natural and everything and using the survival skill and using your magical Druidic powers. I'll say you probably walk out of town and using your magical druidic powers. I'll say you probably walk out of town and drop down a little part of an actual tree. I go put my hands on some trees and I try and feel which one has the strongest spirit. Mochaine, yeah, you find this small tree and you're able to, you put your hands on it

and commune with it. And instead of having to chop it down or something, you see that the tree uproots itself. And I don't know if it falls over. And you guys are able to carry it back to the church together. Come with me, I'm gonna turn you into a death canoe. What is it, Cuffin, but a canoe with a lid?

Maybe. Yeah, you see Schmorg, the big fucking ogre guy, just throws the whole tree over his shoulder, and starts carrying it back. All right. Sweet. I pull out from my pack some sandpaper, and I would like to just assist in the smoothing

and kind of refining of the shape. So I'll say, Bev, with the sandpaper, you basically give an assist to hard one. Yeah. So hard one, I'll say, making nature or survival check as you work on this coffin. Can I do one more thing to help him? Uh-huh.

I would like to cast infestation of termites, specifically like in the center of it. Very cool. Go ahead and make another nature or like an arcanic check or survival. So you roll with advantage, hard one, because you have an assist from best. It's just the weirdest version of building

an IKEA bed with your friends. Not 14, I got one. Shout out to the two crew, but I will use the roll that gave me a 26. Wow. Oh, thank you. So you guys, you gotta go with the grain. Very quickly through magical means,

moonshine being able to, you know, essentially speak to the wood and help it form. A hard one gets down to work. He grew up with dwarves, dwarven craftsmen. He's able to do an excellent job. Beverly's a fucking green teen. He's built for this stuff. Schmork's able to just help and do the grunt work

and the little girls, Rosa and Ginny, are able to like, they carve a nice little message into the side for you. What about the termites? And the termites. That's a little bad. The termites also do an excellent job. All right, now banish them.

What are you summoning them? No, they give to them. You summon them. No, the gift home massage is at night. And I'll say, The blood, can I eat one? You guys, you guys work for several hours, but hard one, you now have this coffin. Cool, with my, since I only need four hours to trance,

I'm gonna spend some time just carving a nice little family portrait on the late of my Oh Oh, I throw my body in a hug at heart one. Thank you so much for being here. Yeah, it's just it's so nice to trans You get so much done in the evening Yeah, yeah, I'm actually playing on writing a book. I'm out at the four-hour worknight playing on right in a book. I'm at it the four-hour work night. Beverly and Belnor are witnessing for three hours. Yeah, Beverly and Belnor just asleep in a

coffin. So Beverly and Belnor go to sleep. Moon Shining hard one after a little bit. You guys stay up talking for a little bit. You guys are carving the little family portrait into the front of the coffin. Make my face bigger. I wasn't done. I was just sitting off to sleep, I was saying. Nice once. I can't make my butt big.

I wake up that. Hard one in moonshine, you guys crawl into the coffin. You guys enter your trance. Hard one that you pull the top of the coffin over you so you can be in total darkness. Did the termites drill holes? No, no. No, no, no.

I was gonna tuck in with a little bit of Ulfgard goes punch. Is my book light gonna keep you up? No, in fact, I might read over your shoulder. Okay, yeah, let's do it up. Is it a lightning bug? Yeah, I love it. It's a lightning bug stuck to a twig.

Oh my God. Oh my God. I love fucking establishing that you have a giant cough and that you all sleep in, you maniacs. Ah. So, um, Cadillac. Moonshine stays up reading, hard one. You go into your vampiric trance. Oh man, I do a full on vampire pose, huh?

You do that's cross on the chest. You do that's full on vampire pose. You close your eyes. Your eyes can get comfortable. Hard one. Close your eyes and everything goes black. And then you hear a familiar voice. No, strike fucking true.

Greetings. Citizens of Shadowfell. It is I, your Lord Galadrozel. I'm having a nightmare. Hard one. You have a vision of a black void. You are standing there in an enormous crowd of undead. Big hulking beasts, little gremlins and such. The audience stretches out infinitely in all directions, as if glad is speaking to every monster in Shadowfell directly.

And above you, you see an image of glad in the sky. His hair is now white, his skin pale, his eyes blue, and he speaks, and he goes, eyes blue, and he speaks, and he goes through one way or another, your souls have been lost to this place. You have been cursed, but I can cure you, journey all those who are willing, and join me in Ember Heaven for a gathering. I'd like to make you all an offer. Fight for me, and I will absolve you of your sins so that you may finally rest. Together, we will bring war to the material plain and claim it for the light.

You see the monsters, the ghosts, and the ghouls around you. Take this all in, and after a beat, see a few of them begin walking towards glad. Quickly others begin to join them until this entire world, full of undead, begins marching towards him. Well, fuck me. Wake up. Oh, you're in the coffin. Four hours later. How was your first train? It's monos great.

Mine was also restorative in its own way. Cool, cool. Let's get breakfast going. Can you find me a rat? We've got a time. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to try my hardest to get him something better than a rat.

OK, go ahead and do a nature check. Yeah, go ahead and do nature checks. I got two. Shout out to the two crew. 17. 17. I'm groggy. I got a full eight.

You guys find a couple of juicy rats. You find two rats. Two rats, you know? One for each hand, right? It's awesome. Okay, grab them. I do a tight spiral. Bite them. I catch one of my mouth. So I had a

shitty vision last night. Yeah. Glad, glad to charge here. And it seems like he's got every single monster in beast fighting for him now. Where's he? Do you know where he's located? Where's he? Do you know where he's located? He named a place called Ember Heaven. I mean, you guys know as well as I do where the fuck that is. But once again, everything here sounds really cool, but sucks at the same time. Yeah, I don't think we have much time because these guys are going to the material plane To fight for the light. This is so fucking nasily All right, and then I guess we got to get to the ember heaven Wherever that is perhaps we can stop by I don't know the fucking map maker

Yeah, who's the smartest person left in this town? Is there a goddamn cartographer here? Yeah, is there a fucking like a tourist kiosk that we could pick up some maps? Information booth? You guys see an information booth? You guys see an information booth? You guys see after a little bit, you've woken up.

It is late morning here. You guys see after a little bit you've woken up it is Late morning here the Blood star is up in the sky this dead star All right, that's cool. It is the rare time when it when it is a daylight in Grimhawk. Oh my gonna die. No, cuz in shadow fell The clouds are so dense that you're never in direct sunlight. Wait a second, I have a little side goal I want to do. Okay.

I want to find you a hair salon. Well, no, it's different than that. I want to find me a bunch of bats, cobbled their wings together into a little parasol for a hard one. Okay, that's not going to do anything in direct sunlight, but still fun. It'll be good for rain. Yeah, it's an aesthetic thing, though. Well, rain is important.

Rain is bad. Rain is also bad. Okay, I'm just saying. I fully support this plan. Oh, thanks, thanks. Over breakfast, can I test out my new vampiric abilities and turn it to a bat? Yeah.

You guys see, hard one. Actually, you know what, hard one, you are very new to this. So I will say, go ahead and make a wisdom check as you try to turn into a bat for the first time. Oh, hey guys, watch this. Ha ha. 18.

18, hard one successfully turns into a bat. Whoa! Oh shit! I wowed sheep into a bat and I'm like, bat bros! These three plants are okay. Just up to your two bats flying around. I might have illusioned some hoops in the air. Oh, and a dive in dark through the hoops.

So you guys are putting on this little bat show. And you guys have been hanging out for a couple hours. We're like the Harlem Globetrotters. Yeah. Oh, flew in my mouth. Oh, bowler, go out. And after a little bit, you hear a familiar voice at the door of the Broken Down Church. She's sort of peeking in from behind some of the broken beams.

Oh, hello. Is any of you fucking our churches in here? Or... Salutations. Where's grandma Sandy? Is that you? You see... I'm gonna stay a bat for that. I'm gonna give her like serious side at the bat.

Sandy's grandma me. I walks into the church and she goes, my name is not fucking Sandy, that's my granddaughter's name. My name is Joe. Fucking grandma me Joe, all right? Grandma me Joe, please to meet you. Probably. Yeah, well it's nice to talk to you not in,

you know, middle of a fight. You guys got bats, y'all got bats in here. I turned back into a hard one. Oh my God. Another fucking vampire, God damn it. She goes and goes over. No, no, no, no, no. She's what?

He's our friend. I'm one of the good ones. I've never seen a fucking good vampire, but I did hear about one vampire that kicked Langston's ass. Was that you? That was me. Langston's a fucking ass. He really is.

Can I land on her shoulder and turn back into moonshine, but so slowly? This is a heavy ass bet. What the fuck? She pushes you to the side. All right, you're funny. That's looking funny, real funny. Classic Tom Rink. All right, you're funny. That's looking funny real funny classic

I'm rink and you hear from behind her Graham all me are we what are we doing in here? This isn't inside. This is outside. You see Sandy the shell is behind her and the shell is behind her and grandma me Joe looks up at you guys and she goes no I don't know if y'all can do anything I mean you you came in here and you you messed up the vampire's I thought maybe it might reverse what happened to my granddaughter here but is there I don't know this is is there anything you've a little god here can do or something granny sent Sandy my way uh you see she smiles you want to just turn into a fucking bat, what about that makes you not think I'm fucking awesome. Are you turn into a bat?

I can't turn into a bat. I think it's fucking cool. I thought we had sort of like a fun rivalry, alright. Just say just Sandra Greene, darling. Alright god damn it fucking Sandy get over here. Okay, Graham. All me. You see Sandy the shell eyes glazed over to you in Moonshine. Sandy, I try to have to talk you out of this. And I'll really, really hope that I can help you have better judgment in the future. And I put my hands on her shoulders and cast a waken. Ooh. So normally a waken is this long process

because usually you're doing it to an animal or something but in this case, Sandy was an intelligent being who had her sort of mind-power diminished through necrotic means. So Munchine, you hold your hands up to her temple and you go into a trance. Actually, I would like to say how awakened is done. I would like to say that I put my hands on her

and spores come out of my hands and she becomes completely covered in mushrooms, and then they slowly reveal her, and then you can say what? I'm so eat. I just wanna make sure there's mushrooms in there. There are mushrooms in there. Like maybe moss and fungus erupt all over her body,

completely encapsulating her. You essentially make a fungal form for sand, you make a shell. Shell for a shell. Make a shell for a shell. And like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon after a little bit, you hear from inside this mushroom shell. Oh, what the fuck am I doing in here?

And St. We're traint, fungus, we're traing. Uh, and yeah, you see, you see the fungus falls off of her. Sandy's eyes have gone from, uh, you know, super blazed, uh, to being alert again, and she looks like herself. She looks like, uh, the version that, uh, you guys met that first night. Um, fungus is a very intelligent organism, folks. And she looks at you moon trying to she goes, it's you again.

I don't remember everything, but I remember that you help me thank you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No, you. Sandy hugs you. Oh, you don't have anything to apologize for she fuck. Yeah, she does She went out to the goddamn fucking vampire bar got fucking mind sucked away. Okay, Granny Let's not blame a girl who's feeling vulnerable all right Sometimes you go over the vampire bar to get your minds sucked away I went over to the vampire I got my mind so I think you got more than your fucking mind stuck man damn She's she angry

Sharp I do some squats Whatever I just I want you to know, the vampires are gone now, and you can't even try to hang out with vampires if you want. But I want you to know that there's, but there's gonna be other things like vampires that you're gonna wanna, you know, change yourself

to be part of, and I just want you to know in the future, remember where it led you to sacrifice so much of yourself or what you thought was something better than what you already are. Go ahead and make a persuasion check with advantage. 18! 18. You see your words seem to really affect her, and she's a teenager, so you know, she talks

back to people, she doesn't like to take things seriously, but she goes, you're right. If I had just listened to y'all, you wrote me that nice letter. You put your neck out for me and then I went and I did what I did. I won't do it anymore, I promise. Yeah, that's all good. Hey, man, make that promise to yourself, not me.

She smiles and she nods. I extend my thanks real quick and I nudge moonshines. You know, say the word and I'll scare straight. You want to do a scare straight thing. We're trying to, we're kind of trying to do sort of like a supportive thing, like, you know. Yeah, if it put you as if at any point. Just maybe flash a little bit.

Yeah, he's been eating rats. We need to get him a deer. We're poke right around food China. Yeah, they're bison here. Yeah, let this be a cautionary tale. I want you to cook a cup of calm. You see Graham, Graham, Mommy, Joe, Paul Sandi back.

And she goes, first I thought you were a bunch of rag muffins coming in here causing trouble, but you're all right. You see she looks at Schmorg and the two little girls. First I thought you were a bunch of rag muffins coming in here causing trouble, but you're all right. You see she looks at Schmorg and the two little girls and she goes, I take it, there ain't much leadership here for this church now. If you all need any help rebuilding or anything like that, I can help talk to some of the folks in town and make sure that they help these here Folks can I can I send handy Andy to put more money in her pocket sure Go ahead and make a slighty hand check

It's gonna be 21 21. Okay. I'll do a perception check. Tell me if that succeeds. No joke she got a nat 20 so uh you you see dead ice hand skitters out and goes to put uh some golden her pocket uh she snatches it and she goes what the hell don't you tart and handy andy she looks at handy andy she sees that she sees that there is gold in this hand and She looks at you and she goes you want to lift this for me yesterday Maybe the does mother did She smiles she goes yeah the fucking dust mother did Well, thank you to the dust mother you see she looks up at the statue. Thank you Duskmother for

giving me this gold the other two. You all are really too kind. Well actually, you know what it's a transaction because we need your help. Is that right? Yeah We heard something about the Ember heaven. Yeah, yeah Ember heaven. What did you think about that normal place? I've been in Grimhawk my whole life because vampires been here a long time, but when I was a little girl, my daddy used to talk to me about what Chattelfill was like when you could still travel around. Andheaven apparently is north of here. It's a city that is on a mountain

and apparently it's called Emberheaven because the mountain goes up past the cloud. Just the only place you can really see the sun. Sounds like a place we know. We always knew we'd be headed back there one way or another. Yeah. All right, well. Is that where y'all are heading up to Ember Heaven?

Yeah, you know anyone who's like taking some fast steeds up north or got a merchant. No, I don't. That's your hungry too. You see she goes. You see she goes. Yeah, maybe you get the blood, I can see news. We do a saddle up and then you saddle and suck. Maybe let's not get into eating horse's gang.

See? Grammami Joe, she goes, now I ain't, I don't know anybody that's traveled because I've been stuck in Grimhawk my whole life, but from what my daddy told me, from when I was a little girl, the humanoids, you know, humans, elves, dwarves and such, they tend to stick to the water. They stay off the shore to put some water between them and the monsters of this world. The further you are into the land, more monsters you're going to run into. Apparently there are forests of complete darkness. There are werewolves, hulks,

Where wolves, hulks, troglodytes, all kind of baddies. The thing is right now, some of our party might be a little more a fear of water. Yeah. Well, he's one of the monsters. He might need to be worried about. I'm not worried about a hard one. All right, I just saved your daughter.

Y'all don't need to talk to her. I'm not trying that. I'm not trying it. Well, you apologize to a hard one. That's fine, that's fine.. I'm not trying that. Hey, I'm not trying it. You apologize to hard one. That's fine, that's fine. She looks like you hard, she looks at you hard one with a serious face. She's been like joking around kind of cracking jokes

with you guys, razzin' each other. She looks at you and she goes, I know a lot of good people in my life who became vampires. Can you honestly tell me you don't feel any different? I can tell you I don't feel any different. Yeah, sure. I'm not gonna lie to you guys though. I feel pretty different.

But different is an old bad. In this case, I think it's pretty bad. So, I mean, I'm with, I wanna get the fuck out of here as bad as you guys do. I don't know how long I can stay a vampire and still be your friend. We came here for a reason, and we're gonna take care of that, but as soon as Galad's head is back on your belt,

we're finding you a cure. Yeah. I don't care what sort of age-tinted wisdom and realism you have to offer, but that's just how it's going to be. I know that there's a pretty unsavory option on the table where I reincarnate you. And there's an element of chance as to what sort of life you might lead after that.

So, you know, that's just, I guess, the elephant in the closet. Right. You could be an elephant. I could be an elephant. Honestly, that'd be fine. Just drive a goddamn stake through my heart if I come back as a no. I'm going to send that. I put my forehead to hard one in the most sincere I've ever. I got you.

You have a promise to go tear rolls down my cheek. I touched my sword to his heart. That's how you know what your real friends are. You certainly got good friends. Now listen, your friend here can't go in water. Does it mean he can't travel on water? Okay. Okay.

All I'm saying is what my daddy told me, which is that humans stick to the sea, monsters don't like going in the sea. It's monsters everywhere else. In Berhevan, it's not super close to here. Well, I mean, I'm always down. I brought my drama mean. Yeah, it's been a while since we had a nice good hike.

And you love ships, hardwifers. Yeah, I love ships. Just water doesn't sound that appealing to me But yeah as long as we do the ship thing right I'll be dry So are we gonna need to go across the ocean to get to Ember heaven or is that just the fastest way as far as I know from old maps I've seen If you were going by sea you would essentially go parallel to the shore I see. So similar. Ember heaven is on the sea. You guys know, go later on is, you know, red on the water.

Yeah. All right. Well, where's the dock just out of curiosity? You see, she shrugged her shoulders. I've never left Grimhawk in my entire lifetime, and I don't think I ever will. As far as I know, if you go a little bit north, you should be able to find the shore. You follow the shore. You're likely to find other humans. Can we do like a nature or history check just to like see if there's enough similar landmarks for us to kind of find our way

to go later on from here. I mean, you know it's a reflection of the material plane. Okay, so we kind of could just go towards where the water would be on the material plane, okay? Yeah, cool. If we have that much of a sense, then I think we just probably head towards where the water is, yeah.

Before we go though, hard one, are you hungry? Yeah, I'm feeling, uh yeah I could eat okay I sure I use fine steed oh god what are you mood for um I guess just some sort of like be honest get him a ram right no oh I summon Ryan I summon Ryan. Ryan the ram of yours. Are you sure it's not Ram Daniel? Let me try. Wow, that is exactly.

Wow, Ryan survived Frostwind. We'll give you some privacy. Yeah. Honestly, I'm honest. I'm not even that hungry. Yeah, I bet I'm honest. I'm not I'm not even that that hungry. Why don't yeah, I bet you a Hey, babe, you want to go. I don't know do like a 4k Yeah, you guys you guys head for the head for the ducks. I'm gonna. I'm gonna smack this ram on the ass and get it out of here I appreciate the

Appreciate the thought there Bev. Oh, sure, sure, sure. I'll meet you guys outside. Yeah, cool. I'm gonna take a lap. I saw like a cool berry. Moonshine, you wanna look at that cool berry? Yeah, let's look at that cool berry. I'll be right out to check out that berry. All right, yeah.

You just like make sure that the ram's okay and then we're gonna check out the cool berry. You see one of the little girls that's just staring at you from across the room? I don't blink as I eat Ryan the Ram. And as I finish, I yell, yeah, yeah, go! Get out of here!

You're free! You're free! And then I put my finger to my lips, and I tell Rose I'd never speak with this. She nods, I go ahead and make a deception check for Moon Shining's death. Oh, I rolled eight nine. You guys come back in and hard one has like shoved

Ryan's body under her, under some like debris and his face still has a little bit of blood on it, but he wipes it off his chin. body under her, under some like debris. And his face still has a little bit of blood on it, but he wipes it off off his chin. You walked off quite proudly. Yeah, I can't meet his gaze. I'm like, what else, what else? I'm like looking at my shoes being like, yeah, I'm glad you got that reunion, you wanted.

Did you bring in the berry? Oh, yeah. I just pick up some dirt and shape it into a berry. Oh, nice. Nice. All right. It turns out it was dirt. Bound arched, Tariad.

He really killed right. She found it. All right, okay. So we'll maybe, I'll find something on the road since I skipped breakfast. Sure, yeah, yeah. We'll see if we can find a royal rod. You seem so healthy and satisfied.

Yeah, is the top button on your pants undone? I think it's the four out, I think it's the four trancing hours. I'm feeling fire. I've heard that. I've heard that. You heard me in the rat. I had a rat. So I had a rat.

So I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I had a rat. I You know, some soup on a plate.

Definitely the fine cuisine. Should we head for the shore? Yeah, let's head for the shore. All right. So you guys say your goodbyes to Schmorg and Rosa and Ginny and Grandma and Sandy. You see Schmorg as using his muscles to pick up some of the debris. They're starting to clean up the church.

Before we go, I'm going to, I want to kneel before Jevlin's... ...earn. Oh, and thought of that. I'll just say, I never got to know you, bud, but you seem like a hell of a dwarf. I would like to spell all state, but in fungus. Nice. So I do like the Night King thing

where I make it stand out, but it's fungus and it spells all state. Yet another memorial garden for one of our fallen friends. You know our respect death and sometimes respecting death means like embracing it rather than pretending like it didn't happen. I talked to Rosa and Jenny and I say thank you for showing me a new side of Pelora. The dust mother, I don't know, it's nice to know that there's more than just the pure light out there.

You see, they both smile at the exact same time and in tandem they go, it's hard to be good, but it's good to be good. Oh, I'm bad again. I'm stealing that. That's good. All right, let's go find some water. Yeah.

Cool. I know. So you guys begin your journey out of Grimhawk. You head to the edge of town and begin traveling north towards where you know a glateron to be. AKA Emberheaven here. Hey, Harwan, on our journey, could you piggyback grab me so I could transfer real quick?

Oh, hello. okay, thanks. I just do is a little zealots trans. Oh, to get your awaken back. Try and get my- Got it. Cool. I fire, man, carry much. Sweet.

I mean, I said piggyback, but I'll take this hell, yeah. You see, it's the only thing I know. The dirt trail outside of Grimhawk hasn't gotten much use in the past a few hundred years, but there's so little life here in Shadowfell that there's no overgrowth, so it's still kind of maintained to a certain degree. You see these dead gray trees on either side of the path,

leafless with twigs that stick out like claws at the ends of thick branches. You begin traveling and after a bit after several miles you begin to be able to see the ocean. You can see water reflecting in the moonlight. It's already dark because the sun sets so early here. You are now out of the area directly surrounding Grimhawk, so there begins to be more activity because Grimhawk was kind of cut off from the rest of the world so nobody's traveling near there, but now you're in a more populated area. So you see that there is a crossroads

up ahead and as you guys get close to the crossroads you begin to hear activity and not just the skittering of like little monsters as they hide in the brush You see up ahead Walking on land are these big hulking monsters with gray skin carrying wooden clubs just plotting along the road heading north And you see behind them just an endless line of ghosts and ghouls, little goblin looking guys in robes, holding up lanterns with specters floating next to them, skeletons holding torches. You also see these little blue wisps, these tiny flying creatures that are so small

that all you can see is this magic ore that they give off the circle of blue light. And hard one, these look like the monsters you saw in your vision. And they are doing a pilgrimage towards Ember heaven. These guys are all going towards Galad. He promised them forgiveness and final rest. That's what they're all after. They're all going to join him. Should we just let him go? Where are you gonna say? Oh, I was gonna say, should we find out

if he got a parade permit? Maybe we could really get him on some of the places. I'm almost certain he feels like he's above the line. You do see some signs on the trees that say warning trail converges with parade. Okay. So we got the, he did get the permit. Those are some nice floats.

Wow, this is Papa looks at it and rare, me and me and me, yeah man, this is airtight. It's butt-dub. Wow. They got it, he's got it for the week. It's my little litigator is okay with it. Then it slides with me. It's bulletproof.

Okay. So I just got to ask a question to y'all by sure by C. Should we let the one who is a quadically inclined? Yeah. I was trying not to single him out, but. No, I appreciate that, but I am a monster. Yeah, you are monster. Yeah, beast mode, baby.

Beast mode. I ate the ram. I know you guys. Yeah, we know. We know. It's okay. I know I kept it pretty secret. I had shit pretty well. This is the first secret you've ever kept from us, right? Yeah. This is

so I suck at lying. So here it is the first time I've ever lied to you, technically, right away. You know, actually hard one. I'm glad you brought this up because I noticed in myself a tendency to lie and I started to say, moonshine, why are you always lying to strangers when you could just tell them the truth? And it's because I've started to doubt, you know, the strength of my own words. So maybe you could think about that. Yeah. Or if you ever felt like lying ever again, not that you would. Right, no, never really do, but that's good advice. You're right. I think I, shit, I guess I've, I build up these walls so I don't get hurt, but I don't really ever get

close to anybody, huh? Yeah. And you guys are more important to me than some random people. And I should be telling you the truth. So you got all the blood off your mouth, but it's actually all over your shirt. Yeah. So you need to go at that thing with a roller man. I'm going to have to change shirts at this point. This is obviously just throughout the shirt. Yeah. Let's toss the shirt here, bud. I've been waiting for an excuse to take off my shirt anyway. Wow.

You see the veins. Oh, yeah. It's really, it's the transverse. I'm quite vascular. You know, I think you make it look pretty good. The translucent. Yeah. It works.

Yeah. That means a lot. I don't know if I just got my clean across the board here, but I'm pretty, pretty insecure about that kind of shit Feels so good But look I I got I got to say I I know I'm in more danger if we go it by way of the sea, but if we go by way of land we're gonna be Swamped by these things. We're all fucked, so just keep me dry.

All right. That's all I gotta say. Yeah, we can definitely do that. I just wanted you to give you the option to say, no, I don't wanna do that. I appreciate that, but I really just want to acknowledge that I recognize that we're in dire straits. I'm eating rams.

Ha ha ha ha. Did the ram make you feel better though? one of acknowledged that I recognized that we're in dire straits. I'm eating rams. Did the ram make you feel better though? For the moment, for the moment it did. All right. I feel a lot worse now. Honestly, in a way, confessing it makes it a little more real. So I'm, if you have a stated about that, I will say it's benefits.

Flying has its benefits. I like that as your skin has gotten more transparent. You two have grown transparent in a way, and I like that, never expect that. Wonder if they're related. Yeah, I do need my tan back. All right, now. We're about to be on a boat, so. What's a tan if not just a wall for your skin?

Oh my God. Hi. I hope. A wall for your skin. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Hi. I hope. Oh wall for your like internal organs. I hope to get that tattooed on my ruddy skin tone again someday. Okay then. Okay. So yeah, I guess let's book it for the city. Yeah.

I only have one extra shirt for you and unfortunately it does say sun's out guns out but I thought maybe as long as it's a size extra small It's my size perfect. I know just balanore you know Ryan actually was pretty much dead anyway Actually looked pretty good Shot to survive. I don't know. Yeah, didn't you didn't write when he arrived You started to say something about his daughter that was just born pretty much crumpled He came to me to die I think It's final resting place you beg me to eat him all right

So are we looking for like a a ship's captain or some sort of a look a bird. Yeah, yeah, so you guys Walk you guys walk away from this big parade of monsters and walk towards the water. We, real quick, I'm so sorry. Can we, as we're departing from this parade, do we see in their eyes, like are they willing and lucid and going, or is there any sort of charm? Do you wanna go up and make a still check?

Yeah. Okay, are you gonna do past without trace or anything? Are you just gonna? No, I'm not gonna pass without trace. 17. Moonshine, you begin to sneak up, you go through some of the trees, you know, there are trees between the two paths where they converge. And you see that they don't appear to be charmed or anything.

They don't have any kind of glazed look in their eyes or whatever. But as you're sneaking up, you see a few of them begin sniffing the air and you see these specters shoot up and start flying into the woods towards you. Go ahead and roll initiative. Oh. Oh. I got a 23. Nice.

And you said I'm on a tree, right? You are, yes, you are like in some trees. Okay, I can work with this. Is just moonshine rolling at you? That's all, she's the only one who said she was going. Oh yeah. So moonshine, you see two rates, clock you, these spirits of like black smoke

with like skeletal faces, and they begin shooting off towards you. And you see there's a commotion amongst this parade of people as all of the monsters begin to react. Moonshine, you're first. Tree strad. What's that? Yes.

You gain the ability to enter a tree and move from inside it to another inside another tree of the same kind within 500 feet. So I want a tree stride 500 feet away. So I'm essentially tail reporting from my tree to another tree 500 feet away. So I'm just a peer. Yeah, so, okay, so I'll say the way this works basically is you are in a patch of trees between the east road and the west road and then teleported over to a tree like near the shore. So these raids, you guys probably don't even know that like moonshine teleported the fuck out. You guys just here. I did a shout tree stride.

I did a shout tree stride. You guys just see all these monsters and lanterns and torches and stuff. They begin rushing into the What are you guys doing? Say that oh you guys guys fucking monsters everywhere like every monster in the world is running towards you I guess we jet towards the Jet towards the shore. Are they gonna? Yeah cool? You guys start running towards the shore you guys see lanterns and torches and everything running towards the shore What do you guys do? I'll turn into Batman. Okay, I'm hard one you turn into a bat

That one Hard one you turn into a bat and fly over the water. What do you guys do? I mean? I'm 500 feet away Okay, so I'm gonna translate kind of hiding. Bev. What are you doing? I'm going to Dive into the water sweet'm going to dive into the water. Sweet. Bev, dives into the water. Begin swimming out, bound or dives into the water. Oh, I'll dive into the water as well. Sweet.

You guys all. From the tree, using a branch as a diving board. You guys, I'll jump into the water. The only person who was noticed was Moon Shining. It was pretty far away. So you see after a bit, they don't charge all the way down to the water. Most of them don't at least. You see a lot of them just start running down the path that you guys were coming up on. They assume that whoever was sneaking up on them was coming from there. So you see a bunch of ghouls and like fem fomorian type giants with big clubs walking around the path

that you guys were just at. Hard one, you're just this bat fucking hanging over the water. You guys are all hanging out under water, just keeping your faces up. Munch, I can breathe underwater, Boundore, and Bev are just trying to keep still and keep their mouths above water. You do see if you like raids and stuff get close to the water and start looking out.

But after a little bit, they collect themselves and go back on the path. I'm sorry, I was just trying to gain some intel on galads hold over them. But it seems as though they are all just perfectly willfully doing this and there is no charm. Hey, sometimes you get wet. Yeah. I turn back into hard one. Yeah, I mean, I think it's just the promise you made of

whatever he's gonna do to set them free is enough. Did y'all hear me shout tree stride? No, what's that? Yeah, we didn't know what it means. Just know if I shout tree stride, I'm probably okay. Cool. It means I just go, I can, you know, use a tree and support you to another tree.

I heard this. It's a high level green nightability. Is it? Yeah. It's also high level druidability. Well, look at that, you know? Yeah, I mean, that's some kind of... I'm in a Laura and Polora.

I tell you what, you get together every Sunday? Big old roast There were a lot of monsters there guys. Yeah, that was man. You thought that was a lot they Let me tell you about the vision I had which have come you realize more and more was a vision and not just a nightmare There are more things than you can fathom. You cannot, from horizon to horizon of monsters, beasts, ghouls, ghosts, every scary thing you could possibly imagine. All following Galadro's L. So this is a pass without trace kind of situation than situation then huh? Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. So we find a dinghy.

Yeah. I mean, I think that they're all in the road right now. Yeah, you guys get back to shore. You guys wait enough time that you do see them get back to the path. OK. This is hard find. I don't know how to take on an army.

I think we might just have to cut off the head of the snake and then put the head of the snake on our belt. Specifically hard ones belt. I loved that as I back up my belt. It looks good. Yeah, it looks bald without it. Yeah, I feel naked and I'm just wearing this weird t-shirt. It looks good.

I was gonna say maybe as the extra small suns out guns out shirt that's making you feel like it. It could definitely be that. I just feel like you could be showing more belly button in general. It just looks like it hurts. It does. But it hurts so good. This mid-rifty.

Can I just real quick, I'm gonna put the little belly chain that I was wearing on hard one. Okay, where now? Who the fuck are you? Hey, my name is Penn. Oh wait, wearing on hard one. Okay, well now who the fuck are you? Hey, my name is Penn. Oh wait, hang on. Okay. So technically I work for my mistress over here. My name is Pantigost. Some people call me the betrayer, but I don't know what I'm gonna find for that. No, nobody want you know what?

Actually, nobody calls me Penderdrain. That's for a good shine. You didn't tell me you had a champion. You guys. Yeah, I forgot to tell you I had a champion. But we're only, okay, nine more days, nine more days, and then the belly button ring here to start to burn it up, and then we were gonna negotiate. And I'm looking over at this guy here, Mr. Vampire,

and I'm thinking maybe he and I, maybe he's, maybe I become his master. You become my master. That doesn't sound like a... Well, you know what, you should be the only guy who's right now. Well, we're going for you. I don't really trade on this book. Well, right now, Shnom Tosh is great.

This was fun, Lu-Chang. Why don't we toss it into the sea? You switch over here. I'm gonna real quick don't come into the sea. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. What if one of those monsters finds me? Think about that. I know. I'm just dipping you in.

How? Stop. I hate water. It's a playful ribbon. I don't, oh, okay. You know what? If we're just goofing around. I'll tell you what, you know, you know how to get to Amber Heaven? Wait, you know Galad. Glad took your sleep. Of course I know Galad, I fucking hate Galad. Do you know the layout of the castle that he's living in now?

Of course I know the layout of the castle he's living in. You know if there's any secret door, secret traps, secret. Wait, the weakest parts, most pinnacle parts of that fortress. Mirror, we could go from inside the mountain. Hmm. Inside the mountain, that sounds like Mike got to have specialty. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Alright, thank you so much.

I will put you back on your throne, and I put him back around the mountain. Finally, a little bit of respect. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Dan, that's a cool belly chain. Yeah, just a belly chain with a bad personality. I'm really, oh hey. I tell you about all the secret passages and what not. You're right, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I always tell you how do you supposed to be your champion, you're over here talking to your friend. You know what, you're fucking right, I'm sorry, I overstayed. You know, how do you supposed to be your champion? You're over here talking to your friend.

You know what, you're fucking right. I'm sorry. Hey, you are my champion. Thank you. It means a lot. I'm a necklace. Oh my god, no, Billie Jane. And you're all right, Patrick Green.

I'm not one. It's not my fucking name. I had Munchan as sought. If I ever get out of this goddamn necklace. And I just like, I say really supportive things. Depender greens, I say slowly put this up. No fucking feather greens. Don't put me in a sock.

I'm in the door of quarters. Just suck, I was always. See you guys walk along the shore. We have a really talking map. For a few miles, it eventually curves away from the main road and you see the wisps and the torches of the monsters fade into the distance. The only way you know that you're heading in the right direction is because you know the way to get to Galatoron.

You know that as long as you follow the shore, you will get to Galatoron eventually. So you travel for several miles until you finally do see a settlement out on the ocean. It is a couple hundred feet out, keeping plenty of distance from the shore. It's this little shanty town built on docks with boats tied off. Looks like they serve as homes or public spaces. There are torches up on various posts and it's loud and ruckus. You can hear it even from this distance. Like a happy ruckus?

Sounds like it. It's like a rumpus more so. Sure. Would you say it's a rumpus? I would say it's a rumpus. All right. Well you said it was a ruckus. It's like a rumpus more so. Yeah, sure. Would you say it's a rumpus? I would say it's a rumpus. All right. Well, you said it was a ruckus. It's both.

Oh. Ooh. One man's ruckus is another man's rumpus. Ha. Another tattoo. Ha. It's actually, it's a tattoo of a pillow that says that. Well, let's check out this shit, dig, right?

Yeah. Hard one, you might want to keep your mouth closed up for now, just to make sure. Well, these actually can retry to the real. Oh really? A minor illusion or something to give them just a little bit of a tan. Oh, that's the idea. Oh, that's? Yeah.

Can I minor illusion like a cream? I sure don't want to just lean into it and put on some some Victorian garb. Oh, I could go like full, full Dracula make them think that I'm doing like a Halloween costume. Okay, guys. Can I do an inside check to see if we can convince everyone to tell me he's an Halloween costume? Yeah. I want to suck your blood. I got a 13. What do I know? A 13. That seems like an awful idea. Oh, okay. Not at a 13, it's not the worst idea you've ever been. If you got a Matt 20, you would know for sure

to be a very bad idea. Can I use my deception abilities to try and disguise him? Yep. Yeah. Maybe just like, yeah, I'll come from him with mud or something. Minor illusion with your deception ability I just be a different outfit. Well, that's a 14 14. Okay. So you do an okay job. It's gonna be mud

I grab some kelp and some some silt Careful that's why that's yeah, don't touch me with the kelp. I make him look like a dock worker Sweet, I'm gonna also just hit you with a guidance before we go in there One of my new cantrips And it's basically just Once before the spell ends you can add a D4 to one ability check So if you have to do some sort of deception check to not be a vampire you got that in your back. Oh, thank you This episode of nad pod has brought to you by Bird Dogs.

They're a company that makes pants and shorts, so no matter where you fall and the age old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered. Now we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's gonna be difficult. Luckily Bird Dogs has made the decision of which pants and shorts to buy a little easier. Bird Dogs stretchy khakis are designed to fit slimmer through the thigh and leg to give you a truly sculpted look. And instead of making their clothes out of restricting cotton, Bird Dogs invented a cloud knit fabric that looks just like khaki, but stretches so you get a way slimmer fit without having

to sacrifice movement. And trust me, you are going to need all the movement you can get when you and your brothers and legs are out there on the battlefield kicking the shit out of your rivals. So when the lower body battle begins and brother is forced to kick brother, make sure you are wearing bird dogs. To get yours and a free Yeti-style tumbler, go to birddogs.com slash pop-off or enter promo code pop-off at checkout. That's birddogs.com slash pop-off or promo code pop-off for a free Yeti-style Tumblr. You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay, that's it for me. Go team pants and enjoy the show.

Cool, so you guys begin to approach like the outside of the settlement, kind of keeping your distance so that you can kind of see what's going on before you get too close. And you see a large spire, this pointy rock with a sign on it, the sign reads Bastard's Cove. And above the rock, there is some type of rune. And guys, go ahead and give me perception checks. I have to rune for man cave. Shada to the two crew. 19. 15.

Okay, moon shine and hard one. You guys see this spire with this run ruin on it and the sign announcing the town It's it's on the shore You guys look into the water and you see another spire Out in the water and you see another spire further down the shore You can't see if there's another one on the other side of the town, but it looks like these stones surround the little village. So they must provide some sort of protection? You don't know. You could try like, maybe not walking

into the village, but like tossing something in to see what happens if you're not invited. I could try and send handy andy in. That's true, but I want him to get crumpled again. I got Paul Pos Syndrome with handy andy. No, just all the way you go. Should I go? No, no. I find a crab and I toss it through. You grab a crab, you toss it through. Just real monstrous little crab with like seven eyes.

You throw it, pass the room, crab is fine. They might just be spying on us. Oh that's true. Okay then maybe we should be really friendly as we're going in. Let's look at it and be like, hey, you dumb in piece. We're humans, that's an improvement. Casual.

Yeah, humans, all of us. Humanoid. Our report for us just bad when I say I hope it's not like a like electric fence for vampires. Let's go. Okay, yeah, let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Cross that bridge when it electricutes us. Yep.

Okay, we go. You guys walk through hard one. As you walk through, you take 17 psychic damage. As soon as you pass this room, just your head begins to explode. You feel just like this horrible, horrible headache. You begin to have like an aneurysm. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, fuck me.

Okay, back up, back up, back up. Are we? I'll back everybody else is fine. Can you get through? Can you get through though? You can get through. Let me do that. I'll take that damage the entire time I'm in there.

Okay, tell me what you're doing. I'm backing out. Okay, but he backs out. Okay. Well, we back out with him then I guess. Yeah. Can we inspect the rune? Sure.

Is the rune glowing? Does it look active? Yeah, you saw, everybody go ahead and give me a perception check. 12. 12. Oh, you know 13, sorry. 14.

None of you guys were like looking at the rune as you passed through. Okay, I'd like to inspect it closer. Okay, go ahead and give me an arcana check. 12. 12. You know, maybe somebody just go in there and make a friend, as long as I'm invited might work. Munchan, there is certainly some kind of spell on this runes specifically, not on the entire, like, spire.

You feel magical energy coming from that. I don't have any kind of dispel magic stuff. Maybe we can sneak in, because we can get in there, and if we can turn them off from the inside and disable whatever sort of security system, is there? Maybe that will keep people from being put on high alert. Or we can bribe whoever runs the system. I think that I just don't want a situation where an entire town is trying to kill you again because that seems to be happening a lot. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm so hated. Makes me feel like a freaking no. We're just gonna have to love you even more. No. Yeah, as much as they hate you, we'll love you all the more. Hurrah. Do you want another ram? No. Please don't sub into ram.

Okay. Yeah, we gotta be careful about him emotionally eating. That's just true. Okay. Hard one, do you mind maybe kind of like further checking around the perimeter and seeing what you see? Yeah, I'll I'll case the joint. I'll do it. I'll do it the work Hey, you know what why don't I mean hard one do a

Stealth mission as it were who the bash brothers The gosh brothers. That's right. I'm very jealous. Yeah, this is it's gonna be a really important mission Yeah, I think we're gonna be really important mission. Yeah, I think we're gonna go look at the rocks. Good idea, Belnor. Yeah, because a hard one in Belnor on a strip club. Belnor is getting too serious of a laugh dance. He's one of those guys who gets like shark eyes when he goes into a strip club. He kind of took all the fun out of it.

I'll know. Instantly falls in love. All right, let's try and be quick about this though. Let's go in. Sweet. So Moonshan and Bev, you guys walk past the spire. Don't like this though. I don't like leaving hard part.

I know. I gotta fix this. Don't worry, if anything happens to you guys, I'll just turn into a bat fly out to the ocean and kill myself. Oh, hard work! Yeah. I'll make sure he doesn't do that.

That puts his entire hand in his mouth. So you guys are able to walk past this spire. It doesn't set anything off. It seems to be there to protect people from the undead, which Chatea-Fell is rife with. So you guys walk past it, you see that there is, it looks like you need to swim to it, or that there might usually be little robots or something,

there are no boats there, what do you guys do? You guys see, there are no docks connecting it to the shore. It's just out a bit. So the entire town is like out on a boardwalk kind of? Yeah. Okay. Should we, I guess we just got a swim, we got a paddle our way in, right? Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. Are you guys still thing as you swim or you just going? Yeah, we're still thing., okay guys go ahead and both give me still checks Well, that's a natural 20. Oh That's a nine a nine total. Wow, okay. I cover myself in crabs Beverly it's surprisingly good at swimming

Does that thing where he like regals his whole body like a mermaid as he goes through the water? Yes, I love to swim like that. He swims like a mermaid. The Ryan Lockty. Yeah. I am of the sea. A regular Lockty and Phelps over here is you guys swim towards the docks, which is housing pancakes. You guys swim out to these docks and you arrive in this little shanty village

It's got the energy of a drunken pirate getaway You guys pull yourselves up out of the water. You're still trying to be kind of stealthy You just by nature of trying to swim and climb up out of the water and stuff you make noise But there doesn't appear to be anybody really looking for anybody. There doesn't appear to be any kind of look out. There are no guards here. You pull yourself up onto the dock and you see that there are all these ships that are basically serving as the buildings of this little town.

You see like little buoys and like barrels in the water that are helping these little structures float and they're all connected by these docks. And you see that there is a ship with a bigger cabin than most of the other ones. And it appears to be like the tavern or something like the town meeting place because all the other places are kind of quiet

and this place is lit up. You see a warm light coming from the inside and you hear loud talking and laughs and like glasses clinking. All right, I think we have two options. Either we go into this tavern and we try to convince someone with our newly acquired wealth to give us a ride on their boat and maybe turn the other way at some of our more unsavory customers and passengers.

Yeah. Or we just steal a boat. What are you feeling keen towards? Well, you know, we were just hanging out with all the people from the church and I feel like we should just try and not ruffle as many feathers as we can. They've got their own little thing going here. They've got these nice house boats. I don't want to mess up their town or their village. Yeah, what was that? What was that wisdom Rosa gave us?

What was it? It was actually very good. It's hard being good, but it's good to be good. It's hard being good, but it's good to be good. I minor illusion that under both of our arms and the temporary tattoo. And it's on our wrist too. Oh my God, I have to come what I hate. It's written in like a fancy script. Oh, it's so fancy. Jelly pin. Yeah. Yeah. Into the tavern. Into the ta very good one. It's a very good one. It's a very good one. It's a very good one.

It's a very good one. It's a very good one. It's a very good one. It's a very good one. It's a very good one. It's a very good one. It's a very good one. It's a very good one.

It's a very good one. It's a very good one. It's a very good one. It's a very good one. It's a very good one. It's a very good one. It's a very good one. It's a very good one.

It's a very good one. It's a very good one. It's a very good one. It's a very good one. It's a very good one. It's a very good one. It's a very good one. It's a very good one. more. Great. Great. Awesome. So I think I can, I think I got the hang handle on it. Great. So you guys enter, yeah, make them think we have enough money to take us seriously, but don't make them think we have enough money that we could get taken advantage of. I'll say stuff like you're killing me. It's like you're hanging me out to dry. Yeah, that's good. Oh, dang you good. All right. So you guys enter this big old houseboat.

And you do not see humans inside. You see beings that look similar to bully wugs. These gray skinned frog men with black spots. Bigger and more fierce looking than their Bohumi and brethren. They have... Reminding me of some of the mistakes in my youth. They have fully black eyes, like rats,

just these beady eyes. Most of them have two, but a lot of them are mutated, and there are frogs with three eyes, there's a few with one, there's even one with four, and of course they all have perfect teeth. They are having a good, rowdy time, you see a couple of them are wrestling, a big group sits at a table gambling, there's a fat one with four eyes, playing a game of dice, some

kind of dice game, with a smaller one with one eye. There's no bar, but there is an area where booze is being brewed in these big tubs next to a fireplace, and a frogman walk over with big mugs and are taking generous scoops. And when you guys walk in, the entire tavern goes completely quiet. And you just hear like little whispers. What about, what about, what are they?

And you see the one with four eyes who's sitting at the gambling table looks up and goes, oh human arts, what brings you, what brings you here? We are looking to book passage on one of your fine boats. Surely someone with this clean of teeth and pure of mind as you would be able to help two strangers in need. I reach into the bag and I take out whatever is like

the nicest material that could be used as floss and I present it as a gift, like across my hands. Guys, go ahead and give me persuasion check with advantage. Um, like silk floss or something. Uh, 21, 21 nice. Um, you see, um, these, um, big gray bully wugs laugh. Uh, and this, uh, four-eyed one goes, wow, you really know how to flatter a scullywug. Ha ha ha ha, scullywug. You're here.

And I pull out my infinite flask. Oh, yeah, you pull out your infinite flask, one of the scullywugs near the door, clanks glasses with you, the one with four eyes goes. My name's Warts. We only have one ship that we can afford to part with the Rester used as houseboats,

but I am a bit of a gambler, so how about I play you for it? I spores with moonshine. Do we have time for this or should we just try and buy him out? I think we have time for this. Okay, do you want to take charge here? What you want to play? Stones. And you see.

Walk me through it. I'm not trying to be a shark here. I never played stones before. He explains the game to you. And the way the game works practically for us here is you roll for D6s. And you can choose at the end of your roll if you want to reroll. And if you do that, you remove one dice and you only get to roll three.

You essentially get to take a mulligan on your dice and whoever gets the highest roll wins. Oh, so it doesn't require any kind of like- It's pure, pure rock. Okay. Okay, I was going to give like some sort of enhanceability, but I don't think there's any spell I have that can just help you roll back. No, unless you want to cheat,

which maybe isn't a great idea. Just use those weighted dice yours. Can I give him guidance? Can you what? Can I give him guidance? You guys can try to cheat if you want. Oh, okay, okay. I hear how you phrase that.

Wart? You said your name was? Yes. What happens if we lose? Well, you need to offer something quite good because the Queen's croaker is a fine ship. I got a Vierreport sports. I'm like Chaos Bolt.

Chaos Bolt. You know like Chaos Bolt Chaos Bolt You know the Chaos Bolt the little arm band. Yeah, I got from Alonist. Oh, yeah, we were that kicking around for a while that we get off her that Yeah, I say would you be so kind as to fetch the arm band of infinite power? Absolutely I'll say you guys brought the bag with you Mochine you pull out the chaos gone let go ahead and sire. I'll say you guys brought the bag with you. Moonshine, you pull out the Chaos Conlet. Go ahead and give me a, I'll say, deception check,

but it's not with like dire consequences. If he doesn't believe you, he just knows it's not worth that much. Can I help on that? You do it. Oh, I do it. Yeah, because you're the one like making stuff up. Shout out to the two crew. Okay. Wow. You see, he looks at it and he goes,

well this is a this is a fine glove for sure, but I'm offering you a ship. I'll need something a little better than this. Do you have gold? Oh yeah, yeah. We could put some gold up. All right., my ship is worth tens of thousands of gold. I like gambling quite a bit. I'll tell you what, you give me the magic glove and 5,000 gold. Oh, you're really bending my arm here. We could play for something smaller than the ship.

I just don't think we could part with 5,000. What do you think we could part with, Syr? Ah, you know, somewhere slightly north of 3,000 I think. Oh, you're really putting me in a blind here. Go ahead and do a persuasion check. 24. Nice. Okay. You see, he sighs and he goes, not right, to be perfectly honest, that's a little banged up. So you take it as is, we play the game for 3,000 gold and the magic glove.

Sounds great, and it's a beautiful ship. Don't tell yourself so much. Thank you so much. Not this ship, by the way, this is a bar. My ship is outside. Oh, I thought we were playing for the bar. No, I can't give you the bar This is part of the town. All right. You know, I guess maybe we should go a little further south with our

No, it's a bigger than that. This is not a this is a house boat Do you want to just stay in the in the dock? Is there is there any alcohol on your boat? I'll give you a beer Beer on your boat. I'll give you a beer. A beer? A beer? I'm gonna give a sip for 3,000 gold. This is already insane. No, but I thought that didn't. He grabs you. And he pulls you outside.

And he points to a ship in the distance. And you do see in the deep distance, in the moonlight, there is a pirate ship anchored. Like a big pirate ship. What is, you know how the, how ships always have like something carved in the frog? What is it? You can't see it from here, but where it goes. Hey, what's carved on the front of your ship?

It's a lady that's holding like a flower. She had? I'm a frog so I could. She was like real high status. I would consider like a frog to be really hot. So I don't know what you think is hot. Just you have like long silver hair. You want to play the game?

Like a game, Blanchett cheek, or not? Yeah, I do want to play the game. Let's do it. All right, so 3000 gold plus magic gloves if I win, you get the Queen's Croaker if you win. Okay. Okay. Beautiful. Picture S, we're in business.

All right, so. Are we all playing? Who wants to play for you guys? Bev can play. Bev can play. Yeah, yeah. We both roll 46. If you roll the lower one,

you definitely want to remove a dice and roll again because just by chance, you might get like all sixes and get an 18 or something pretty good I will roll in front of you guys okay you guys all sit around this table and you see all the scully wugs Surround the table yeah bringing in boys shows on wow high high stakes high-stab skin by law it Cool, let's roll our dice. Ready, three, two, one, stones. Ooh, I rolled, not great. Oh, neither did we.

Six, okay. Eight, 11. We got four, five, nine, yeah, nine. Okay, a wart is gonna stay. Okay. All right, so we should reroll these three dice then. Yeah, let's do it. Yeah, so we're gonna do it.

You just roll three dice. You lose a dice. Thinking of six is thinking of five, five, six, please. You need to pull more. Five. Bless these dice. Five, five, we need you. Six, chicks, show up.

Okay, so that's seven, it's eight. Eight. So you guys lose. You see, Wirt holds his hand out, takes the magic glove. All right, I'll take my gold, unless you want to play Dublin or nothing. We need the keys, so we need to do a little walk through of the boat before we give you three grand.

You see the bully wugs all start to surround you. What the fuck, We made a deal. Okay, okay, okay. Yeah, okay. I didn't know that we didn't negotiate when we would transfer the money. I was just throwing out the idea of a walker. One damn bully. I thought maybe you'd want to show us around your boat.

You know, sort of show off what you've done. Anyways, do we want to do double or nothing or what? I, I think so. I want to do a quick insight check to see how many bully wugs or how many scully wugs are in this room. Sure. And go ahead and do a perception check. How tough they look.

Sure. I'm not trying to be a griser with them. That's just a 12. 12. Looks to be at least 20. And they look. You guys might be able to take them. It's not you can't tell.

I'm not going to take them. Unless you want to take them. It's not, you can't tell. I'm not gonna take them. I'm not gonna take them. I'm saying if things go way south, but we should do double or nothing. I'll play again, 6,000 gold. What do you think? I'm in whatever you want, babe.

All right, I think you should roll them this time. I think that Palloir's fingers have gone cold. All right, y'all. All right, so I'm gonna try. I got the dice in my hand. I got the stones in my hand doing the crit cold. All right, y'all. All right, so I'm gonna try. I got the dice in my hand. I got the stones in my hand doing the crit cradle. All right, ready? Three, two, one, stones!

Word's got 11 again. What a reroll. Oh no. Can we reroll them all? No, you can only reroll three. Yeah, each time you take another turn, you lose a dice. Oh, wait, we also have 11. No, you can only roll three. Yeah, each time, each time you take another turn, you lose a dice. Oh, wait, we also have 11.

Oh yeah, I did. Yeah, we also have 11. Okay, we roll three, roll all four. All right, all right. I guess we, let's all, okay, these are new official rules to the game, we all, we both lose a dice. Okay, so just three dice. Get that fungus stink on those dice.

Otherwise, we're gonna have to go triple or nothing I Got nine Bev and moonshine high five um you see War it looks have really pissed off you could tell He's super into gambling. And he goes, no, what did I do that? Why did I do a couple of nuts? I just lost our shit. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

How about this? We'll send it back your way. All right. Well, yeah, it's yours to take. What can I do? You're a frog of your word, and we respect we respect that Guys go ahead and give me a perception shake Shout out to the two crew 15

Moon shine you hear a knock from below The room Like you hear something banging on the walls downstairs You know we actually we did double or nothing but the stakes weren't really raised for us, right? That's true. Well, no, I mean, I guess we were gonna pay more money, but Yeah, that's barely anything. I guess I'm saying like maybe you owe us a little something else and all I want is just to know what that knock is. Stay there. You see, uh, he looks confused for a second. What knock is. What's down there? You see, he looks confused for a second. What, what, what's down where?

Well, it sounds like he got a little party going on downstairs. Is there a disco down there? Uh, you see, he sighs, and he goes, fine, okay, us scullywugs, we love frog he myths. We've got a big giant scully wug downstairs and If it finds out about you, it'll probably you so maybe we don't go down there What's it doing down there? Why do you love it? But you keep it in the basement? Why don't y'all get out of here before things get ugly? He already got my boat. What more do you need? I got to be honest. It's not a bad idea to maybe just get out of here before things get ugly. You already got my boat. What more do you need? I got to be honest. It's not a bad idea to maybe just get out of here. What do you think? I mean,

I'm definitely curious, but I feel like my career, I feel like I need to start learning to stifle my career. I can't fight them all. I just feel bad about leaving hard one. Maybe we can. I know, that's why maybe we go, let's go pick up hard one, then we'll decide if we have any interest in this wrong human. Once we have a boat, we can do whatever we go let's go pick up hard one then we'll decide if we have any interest in this from human once we have a boat We can do whatever we want. Yeah, we'll have a boat. This is all via reports. Yeah, you got so you guys Say your advice to the frogs things got weirdly tense there at the end From wart and the gang anyway. It's good game. Good game You guys exit.

You guys find Balnor and hard one inspect in the rocks. Yeah. We didn't find anything, dude. No, just the spires. Thank you so much. I don't know if you guys saw, there's a ship out there. Yeah, we found that. Oh, no, yeah.

Maybe we could try to get our hands on that somehow. Haven't we presumably taken our ship like a driven it to them? Oh no no no it's like far like you guys have to go out and get it. Oh yeah no that ship is ours. Oh. We rolled some stones. I hold up a pair of keys. This is for the door to the boat because there's not an ignition on the boat but you do need

a key to open the door. Wow. I get into the captains. Yeah, exactly I get it. No, no, no, that makes the doughy add well damn. I could install a sound system I love the rest of the dough. You guys do see you look out and you didn't see it from the shore before you needed it Pointed out to you when you were at the docks. It is not super close to the settlement It is out in the water, out on the ocean, anchored. You guys can see it from the shore. It is out past where the spires are, so a hard one could get there. Oh, okay. Can I just to be safe? I'm a wild shape into a whale and very be bed out there. Sweet to the boat.

Yeah. Just you two? Well, I don't wanna leave hard on it, I'm only hard on camera. I can turn it to a bat. Sweet and bat. Yeah. Okay, so Balnor and Bev will ride on Moonshine the whale.

Is she pregnant? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Hey, goddamn. It's early, it's early so I'm not telling people telling people yeah, I'm pretending that I didn't even notice Twins She's really not showing Vince crossed So you guys I pour some beer in your blowhole

you guys Not drinking right now. It just starts drowning immediately. Oh, sorry Moonshan you take the haplings out to the boat. Hard one, you fly out as a bat. And just quietly sink in the bat, man. Hard, but... You guys see this pirate ship, this sailing ship with big sails. You notice as you get closer to it that the sails are white, this dirty white color. The main one has a symbol with a blue rose on it. You see, I'm assuming that you guys come up as the whale and then you guys climb up on

the main deck. Yeah, I think I start to look like a whale beaching itself on a boat, but then turn into a shy. Yeah, so much. I'm beachers yourself on the boat. Beautiful, Mourning. Hard one lands. Are you staying in Batform? No, I'm going to come down and come down. Comes down, becomes hard one again. You guys see on the four castle in the front there is a ballista, this big old crossbow. You see in the back on the quarter deck behind the sails is the helm. On the main deck you see a mangonelle, this catapult

thing. The ship appears to be in decent shape but there is some damage to the main deck bits of debris around. It looks like something fell from above and smashed into the ship. You see that some of the sails have a few holes in them, but as you walk around the main deck and look up at the sails and like all the posts and everything, You see something much more concerning. You see that all over the main deck attached to the posts are shackles. And inside the shackles are humanoid limbs. Like people were tied to the poles here

and then ripped from them. Moonshan, I don't. to the poles here and then ripped from them. Moonshine, I don't. What the fuck did we just do? Who the hell did you guys get this boat from? We gotta get a boat inspection. Do you think that the frog came with us coming for us right now? I don't think that. I think I gotta turn into, I think I got a fungal form.

I think that we were set up. Moonshine turns a fungal form. I think that we were set up. Moonshine turns into a fungal form. As you guys see in the distance, on the docks, you see torches start to come up and you see all of the scully wugs come out from the different boats out on the docks, looking at you guys and they all begin chanting in unison. Some kind of dark spell. Under you guys you guys begin to feel a rumble in the ocean

as you look onto the limbs that are you know in the shackles that from the people who were ripped from the ship. You see that there are tattoos and stuff that say bastards of none, like referencing the town that you guys came to. It would appear that the bully wugs were not the original people who lived here. Suddenly a giant tentacle shoots up over the ship and a crack in emerges from below the boat. They They sold us a lemon and that's where we'll end our session

Release the crack in a this is what we get for trust in frogs It's their teeth. It's their amazing teeth and their family values could have accidentally also paid for this Yeah, yeah, we could have just bought this for you. I'm not fucking kill that bitch. Uh-huh, uh-huh. We were trying to have a nice civil interaction. You know what? Didn't you feel like all of them schooling logs were in on it?

I think that we could fucking massacar all of them and sleep at night. They're definitely, it is a full on ritual that is going on of them all watching you with torches on the docks. They were definitely all in on it. All right. Well, no survivors here.

Sorry. Yeah. We're fucking real. Skiddyfrog mask, are y'all. Wait till you see the shit that me and Balnor found what we were inspecting the perimeter. I've got a lot of really cool magic items that we're going to use to defeat this vacuum. I'll talk to you, actually, Murf, you and I can get dinner this year.

Yeah. Ah! And that dinner is gonna be live on the short rest. That's right. That's right. Guys, check out the short rest. Go on over to patreon.com slash nadpod. That's NADD, POD.

Don't sing yet. What? We'll talk more about all this stuff. Guys, we got some stuff to plug. Check out me in Emily's sketch show. It's called Hot Date. It's on Netflix. You can get our book.

It's called, Hey You Up, How to Turn Your Booty Call into Your Emergency Contact. It's a spherical, really ship advice book available on Amazon and on Audible, called Well, What You Got. You can check out Big City Greens. It's a television show that I write and storyboard for. You can find it on Disney Channel or on Amazon or iTunes or wherever you find television shows.

Oh yeah. Disney Plus at one point. Yeah, Jake, what do you got? I'll shout out my mother this week. JakeSmubbscookies.com. I believe some people have ordered them. They have, I've seen two. Yes. They wore my mother's heart and they wore mine as well. Jake's mom cookies dot com.

Cool, guys. Thank you so much for listening. I'll follow us on Twitter at CHMRIFUSME. I had called these call the wall. Adiack's for Demole. At Jake, her, which is Jake in tweet about the show using hashtag, nad pod that's NADPOD. We are weERA! You have a nation, we are RERA! You have a nation!

That really hurts your head. I was watching you be like, you're gonna get whiplash. Ha ha! It's the end of the show everybody and that means we need to shout out our benevolent council of elders You honor us. Oh yeah, finally starting with Brad D the only Pepplepot that isn't Craven refuses to go in the pool at any Pepplepot parties because they are notorious pool pissers. JLOMIS 72 aka Steelbreaker hard ones Jim Spiration uses arcane recreationally, but it's got nothing to do with their physical physique. J. Lomas is all natty. Dillon B. A sword-wielding wizard surrounded by a floating army of blades at all times

is not allowed anywhere near the dwarf finish after last year's beheading fiasco. Danny P. Bohumi is resident artist, painted hard one senior portrait at the dwarf finish. Also painted his junior year portrait before he could grow a beard and hard one senior portrait at the dwarf in age. Also painted his junior year portrait before he could grow a beard, and hard one is threatening to sue if it's not taken out of the yearbook. It must be removed. Spencer Casquire, a patron elder of libations,

Elle Maker to Gods and Heroes of Bohemia alike, also the creator of Bud Heavy, Boundorse's favorite beard. Beardman Dan, the longest beard in all of Bohemia, frequently uses it to tickle nooms. Pea! Scott D went to a no-ma high school and received lots of arcane swerleys for refusing to Tee-hee! Hermes W the Bat King. Hermes has sent a squad of bats to kill Vampire Hard One, who Hermes refers to as the Bat Pretender.

Spartus, the champion of the Allas Gladiator Pit, a deeply religious warrior who washes down every kill with a tall glass of milk. Adam R, the R-rated assassin, went full frontal in their last kill and just got upgraded to the NC-17 assassin. Danielle, the Dastardly Dame, Danielle, so dastardly she snuck into Adam R's NC-17 movie without paying. Huff, you see, aka, Howdoor Frostback, MVP of the Giant Wars, Crude on the SS Stormborn 17 movie without pain. H-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h that perform at Snow Patrol covers at taverns across Bahumia. Jordan DJ, legendary DJ of the realm, is super peed when they get booked on the same show as Daniel U and have to listen to hours of Snow Patrol.

Jeff Reyes, Lord of the Fjord, born of the sword and wrestler of court. Jeff and court went to the same school district and went at it a few times in the Eastern Bahumian Nationals. Cutter W, a high-elf, dandy-turned, Crick Barcatect. Graduate graduated Crick Laude from the Papo School of Architecture and owes 100,000 brown leaves in student loans. Devastating.

John S. A.K.A. Schubert the Mushroom, a distant relative of Toad's worth from the Mario games. Remember Toad's worth? Oh, I do, yeah. Ryan M. Hardwan's Ram lives in a vicious Hellcycle of being killed, reincarnated, then eaten by the beloved master over and over again. Untrue, not canon.

Well, in a sea, the first crick out the ever change their shirt or get a haircut. Monumental. Michael McD, head mixologist at the Blue Manna Inn, catered this year's crick-miss celebration with themed drinks like an all-cop fashion. Andrew M. The only crick-bulley wug without hospitality, the scourge of the Crick Bullywugs. Victor T. Bounder's boy, whose loving dad was ripped from his family and transported to another world when Bounder disappeared, he fell on melted. So Victor is quite traumatized. Justin I. Once won the tag team titles in Iron Deep Pro wrestling by teaming up with Ulfgaard against the dreaded bronze beard barons. Jacob C., a replica weapon maker who created the killer King's Hammer replica

that Bastion had. Bohumias, first cosplayer. Alaina M., a green teen scout master who was captured along with Irland Dernan, Durland and Cran who Denny forgot to mention and is currently still lost in the swamp. Sorry Alaina. Durlin and crann who Denny forgot to mention and is currently still lost in the swamp. Sorry Elena. Oops. Mitt Pox, the amazing code master who programmed our website, also built the Devy Plain or Prison that Ryan waits in before he's resurrected and killed by hardwin again. Fuck you, man! Oh, and Cadleine out to married adventures whose love can only be matched by Gemma and JV. Fuck you, man!

That's so much love. Jive G, a mud-border who pulled off the first ever 1080 on a half pipe, but died doing it. Congrats, Jive. Jostritch, the Joc ostrich, works out by bearing their neck in the sand and doing a dead lift. That's a deep bend, baby. Daniel R. Ramdaniel's evil twin. Interestingly, Ramdaniel was also evil, so it wasn't like a Yin Yang type situation, just two twisted rams. Jennifer B has a B even more vicious than Cubs, it's also more venomous.

Jennifer's belly button is straight up poisonous. Destincy, Halfling Cintar, basically a miniature pony with a tiny torso. Everyone wants to pet Destincy. Devin B, the bodega lore, Devin B has a huge shell full of hookas that have never, ever been asked about. Sergio Salazar Salaman Sakuraiya's Decesoani, Seventh of his name, a sexy Peruvian snake folk with sweet snake patterns on his skin. Sometimes, Sergeo says statement, so sexy some suckers swoon. Oh.

Michael, all the best break dancer in Bohumia has a super pointy head and can spin on it like a dreidel Sam a chalonis is dealer a lanis has a running tab that's upwards of 1000 platinum But Sam is chew too chill to make it a thing Dre lay the cray fai who loves stay the 1998 rock single by Dave Matthews Who doesn't love that one don't you want to stay? Matthews, who doesn't love that one? Don't you want to do that? Stay! Eren G, Master of the Management spell, when they were a moody teen, Eren banished their step-toe Trevor, and also never unbanished Trevor.

Pretty fucked up actually. Jory S, a jacked wizard, they don't make robes, and Jory says, and the beefiest robe basically looks like a cropped up on Jory. Which rules? Alucard, a reverse Dracula. Hard one offered Alucard a bite of a horse recently, but Alucard only wanted to nibble on their main. Baby Doc, the only doctor to ever perform their own C-section, also had a Sime's twin

who they separated themselves from as a two-week-old. Congrats! Adam H. also lives in Munchan's belly chain, but it's quite as a mouse in super respectful roommate to pender greens. Colin G, hard one has the thickest legs in Bohumia, but Colin G has the thickest toes, which is also good in its own ways. Colin shoes are super chunky and cool. I love a cool chunky shoe. Hard one's ran up.

After hard one ate Ryan, hard one puked Ryan up, and Ryan was totally fine. Great for even. Since hard one's tummy was warm, and Ryan had a chill, Ryan is fine now. I wonder who wrote that one. Big buck. Pregnant Elk Moonshine, Delkin Baby, Big Buck is so rich in their mother's milk, the chosen have dubbed him the luckiest lad in the land. Richard F and Elvin Ranger who tried to shoot the sun but then went blind when they were aiming at the sun and wandered off a cliff and died.

Richard X Machina introduced the Cricks to Banks, which is essentially just a bunch of elves with rakes and large leaf bags. Ooh, what does that make trees? Dronixie, a fire elemental who is opening a restaurant where they cook pizzas on their ribcage, thinking about partnering with an elemental for sustainable farm to table ingredients. Cannibalism could do the hosting a dinner party where the guests stop by a photo booth as they enter, and then when the menu gets passed around, it's just their photos, by the time they realize what's a foot, it's too late. Sam L. A werewolf, who is in werewolf form 100% of the time. Sam L can only walk on all fours, can't talk, and is very likely just a regular wolf. Damm are a soda genocid.

Damm had a late one last night and is feeling a bit more like a tequila soda with a squeeze of lime genocid today though. Yum, Joss S. The revived cyborg version of Josh the Cobald. Made almost entirely of metal, cyborg Josh has a varied life-like ass that is both impressive and unsettling. Blitz-Brigged-Ameetry owner of Dorgers Big Borgour just opened a drive-through but had to make the window extra large to accommodate the passing through of a Big Borgour.

Caleb Storm, Cupbehrer and Cords Great Hall, also the cable is in Caleb's name and why the fuck isn't Showtime any time working, bro? Nicholas C has started in every move. Every single movie ever made in Bohemia is now taking a break from acting but they are making a documentary about said break so it's kind of a wash. Mike H. an Orc adontist, essentially an orthodontist who gives braces to kids to give them an under bite.

Kevin S. a peg-legged Pegasus Kevin lost their legs in a battle against their oldest foe Lauren the unicorn who was born with no horn. Oh, Matthew, he, Papa's first ever client. Papa argued that Matt didn't deserve to go into the timeout sack. Papa celebrated his victory by immediately going in the timeout sack. Samuel B. Goliath, whose massive body is covered in tattoos. Unfortunately, Samuel ran out of ideas halfway through, so their lower back is mostly covered in recipes for chili.

Till for G, author of the hit children's book and movie, Ulfgar goes punch. Currently working on an edutainment style TV adaption called Ulfgar Punches Everything. Dac Alph at the Drunk Monk and in Lightning Drunken Master Water, Janasi, Dac's bag of holding is always stocked up with at least one, Dorgers Big Borgher

in case they need to sober up. Honestly, that's all you can fit in there. Curtis S, a Grimhawkshell who recently invented pizza, which is what they sell, called the ceramic plate covered in slices of American cheese. Mm, call it be a member of a sub race of cobalt whose lanky frame causes them to slant slightly

to the right. They are known as Cole Italics. whose lanky frame causes them to slant slightly to the right. They're known as Cole Italian. Yins Christian T posted a ribbon dancing video to Trinstagram that was so beautiful it made Jins straight up cry. Gage M and ancient possum who is actually Mama's Mama, which makes Gage Papa's great great Mama and also dead. T.A.V.E.N.O.S.I.R.G.N. and Assamar Paladin

who drunkenly swore a blood oath, but forgot what for. This may just be one of those mysteries that never gets away. It was to pick up their friends' dry cleaning. Nice. Aren C.A.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S learn the elusive skill known only as Party Sub. Montana Monarch. Actually just an exceedingly beautiful nanofly. I didn't think it was possible for bugs to have lips, especially one so plump and kissable, but damn if Montana hasn't proven me wrong. L&D the fiercest woman in Bohemia when Ellen goes to work she slays all day which is convenient because she isn't assassin by trade. Carborrow, Chapel Hill, FPV, and no one best known for inventing the carborrow.

A car that can dig holes. No one is quite sure why you need a car to do this, but now it can. Thank you, Carborrow. Chaday, a warlock whose fi-lectury is a t-shirt that says, who farted on it? It's tasteless, but it's powerful. Reese NS, a high high rolling scullywag who's never lost a bet. Unfortunately, all of Reese's winnings

go towards getting the frog slime out of their tuxedos. TJM, a crackin' from the crick, a crickin' unlike their Shadowfell relative, TJ is super chillin' yes, their Inky discharge is 140 proof grain alcohol. Yum, R-P-K-B,, R2D2's less helpful cousin, can't help you pile it next wing, but it's pretty good at giving directions on road trips.

Just don't let them pick the music. Taylor S-AK trash the traveler. Fun fact, the T and TSA actually stands for trash. This is a fun fact. Anime intellect, a formidable scholar who has a plus 20 to remembering episodes of Naruto, and a minus two to literally everything else. Zolo-Dolo, kid cobalt's number one rhodi,

makes sure that the green room is always stocked with booze and that there was, that there are never less than three other cobalt's around, so that kid K can always use pack tactics. Josh who is a bear bug, which is like a bug bear, but way way smaller, there are Nairfly's only natural predator. Larissa J. A Bohumian sneaker head who waited six hours in line to get a pair of limited addition Yippee Skippy Z.

Such as hype. Her Majesty Claudette, whereas an enormous Victorian hoop dress into battle. You might think that's impractical. Until you notice, she's got an entire cannon stash up there. Dylan C.M. The wannabe DM. Dylan keeps trying to be a dungeon master but fucking up last week They accidentally played clue for three hours before they realized what they were doing come on Dylan You're better than this. Oh, no sounds cool Kevin noodles the post elemental went paired with a Chiante elemental and a nice canoli golem

Kelvin becomes not hi-na-on unstoppable, got him not cultured. That was a mess. Excellent reading. Be money, followers, hip hop, all-serego, before they traveled with the band of boobs they performed under the name Becky Small. Andrew A. Lord of Shadowfell before Pinderdast only lost the throne because they wanted to bring

democracy to Shadowfell and got voted out in the very first election. True view right, knob. Uh, Jay lives above Jen's in Trinneville, leaves a lot of passive-gressive notes for Niaq about how the rooftop is for gardening and entertaining, not sleeping. I also garden and entertain.

Heartless master. Heartless master may have no heart, but they do have two bladders, so they've never needed to use the bathroom in the middle of a movie. C.C. Lulu, the chef in Trinneval who taught chip how to make his chili so dang slippery. That's a family recipe.

Oh, B, A.K.A. Paul Benefactor? That's right, Trinneval's most controversial benefactor is lurking on the Patreon, looking for crystals. Oh, yeah, Barnes and Ador, the only person in Trinidadale who drinks more than Blavin has been seen brushing their teeth with margarita mix. Yum. Shane M. the cobbler who cobbled Onyx Lumiere's pet

Muna Coinc-Straight Marquilis, added a rocket booster that Obsidian hasn't discovered yet. Yes, ma! Oh my god! Yes, ma'am, the Yazmian devil talks like the Tasmanian devil, but looks like Yasmin's leaf also stars in Baywatch. Killer combination. Trigger happy, a gunslinger with a great outlook on life.

Eric G, a T-flang whose infernal bloodline means they can't be a blood donor sad face. Jackalope out of the part, Jackrabbit part, and a lope all muscle, maybe. Jackalope out of the part Jack rabbit part and a lope all muscle maybe Jackalope is ripped. Zach C if I'd her who wish for infinite wish spells and it worked but now they can have anything they want so nothing really means anything anymore. Be careful what you wish for. Aiden are the only bartender to ever cut Blavin offff. Jeremy R. the florist who's doing JV and Gemma's wedding

in the afterlife. L.E.K. a member of Gemma and JV wedding party along with Ross and all the hard ones high school folders. Lugas. Can you hear Gemma and JV's wedding in the afterlife. The fuck is this? Yeah. Ritter and JV's nephew in the ring bearer,

a Jima and JV's wedding in the afterlife. I'm being gass lit. I'm hopeless despite their name. I'm hopeless was actually the coolest kid at the Torfinich and made hard ones life a living hell. And it's also in JV's wedding right. To me are a skinny ranger of the Renafor who was once the Diddy Kong to Niax Donkey

before being tragically trapped in a barrel. Alex M. Bohumi is only pet sitter of blink dogs. You can frequently find Alex running down the street with an empty leash yelling, has anyone seen my teleporting dog? Amy I, the efficient a Jim and JV's wedding in the afterlife. Does anybody object to these two getting me? I do. Cassandra M.H.P. aka Cassandra Max H.P. Cassandra can never die, but they still found a way to get to Jim and getting me I do. Cassandra MHP, aka Cassandra Max HP,

Cassandra can never die, but they still found a way to get to Gemma and JV Sweating. Spoiler, they were Morton's plus one. Why? Coney John H, the scullywag who cleans the crackin's massive beak. You might think this job sucks, but Coney's an absolute freak for a squeaky clean beak, so it makes her dang weak. Aaron RS, a halfling chef who works in one of the benefactors many hot tubs. Erin makes ego waffles for no one and their family could not be prouder.

Lucas B, the spitten wizard, all of Lucas's spells erupt from their mouth as arcane saliva. They have never lost a battle, mostly because their enemies almost instantly give up. Ruben Angel drives Bohumi as one and only cash carriage. If you get in and answer their questions correctly, you win gold. If you answer incorrectly, you become gold. Woo! Jordan L. A granola bar. That's right, Jordan is a bar full of nuts who can...

There's a fucking thing on it, dude. This is not my fault. Great reader. Jordan L., granola bar That's right. Jordan is a bar full of nuts who can belt out bars full of music They also contain chocolate chips. Yeah, I heard they're performing at jama and jv's way Fuckin' out For as a scully-wug tadbo whose arms just grew in now Laura spends all day doing pushups and beating the shit out of dolphins and going to

JV and jammers. We gotta get going. We gotta get going. We all gotta get to JV and jammers wedding. I didn't get it in but to mordant forge me Emily and Caldwell are in the fight. We were invited by JV. Can't wait. Guys, we'll be back next week with another episode. Head on over to

our Patreon to check out the short rest. Thank you to all of our listeners, and thank you to all of our Council of Elders. He is. He is. I'm being married. Being with. It's quite nice. Mazel Topv, JV. Thanks. We'll catch you guys next time. That was a Hitgun Podcast.