Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 69: The Dark Lord of Ember Heaven (The Shadowfell Saga)

Episode Date: July 19, 2019

The Band of Boobs attend a gathering of the Grave Robbers and confront Galad! Moonshine gets creative with Rosaline, Bev develops yet another crush, and Hardwon visits his own personal Hell. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content! Get tickets to our upcoming live shows at naddpod.com/live.Music/Sound Effects include:"Crackling Fire" by sagetyrtle at Freesound.org."Unholy Pilgrimage" by Emily Axford."Tonathan Tinkle" by Emily Axford."Conspiracy in the Clouds" by Emily Axford."A Fate Refused" by Emily Axford."A Bastard No More" by Emily Axford."The Twinkling Lights of Galaderon" by Emily Axford."The Purge" by Emily Axford."Angels & Devils" by Emily Axford."The Kingshammer" by Emily Axford."The Widow" by Emily Axford.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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brush processing. Code www-A-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, Sweeties. Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Welcome back to the home, yeah, everyone. Oh, yeah. The home, yeah. Ooh. Angry. Yeah. Game face. Bahumia. Ooh, angry.

Yeah, game face. I'm your dungeon master, Brian Murphy joined by Jake Hurwitz. Hard one, sure, foot. Emily Axford. Moonshine Sabin, glad to be here. Oh, very nice. I had a whole another one planned and then I just all of a sudden I was like,

no, I got to talk about glad. You got to go with your inspiration and of course called Walt Tanner. Beverly Toe Gold the fifth. Just a simple lad from Glatteron here to help his good friend murder my former role model. And first I thought there was a rhyme. Just dating our name and our purpose. There's no time for rhymes. Oh that's a nice one. Just dating our name and our purpose. There's no time for rice. Oh, that's a nice one.

Just a paragraph, mission statement. And Chad and Sabin, here to make friends, but also sometimes now make friends. Here to make friends or murder former friends. Yeah, you guys did, it was like episode 11 or something that you guys were glad friends. Yeah, although I guess hard one hated them from the beginning.

Oh yeah, I always did. Hard to trust. Hard bun. No. This guy's gonna do something to fuck over my mother, I know it. All right guys, let's do a little recap. So last week you guys joined the bastards of none

and began sailing towards Emberheaven along the way. Munchine did a little scrying on Galadrozel and learned that the widow, aka Hardwan's mom, was currently trapped in his cursed sword. You eventually arrived at a hidden cave away from the prying eyes of the city, but found that another boat was docked there. You engaged with the tricky wizards who were hiding inside only for one of them to betray the others and help you. This wizard introduced himself as Erdan,

a professor at the University of Wizardry in Gladehome. He informed you that there was a cabal of mages called the Grave Robbers, who were aiding at Galadrozel and his plot to bring war to the material plane. The grave robbers have hidden teleportation circles around Bohemia, through which glad will send creatures to ransack the cities, not controlled by the Allah. Erdan told you that he was brought into the grave at robbers late, and only had time to alert one person.

He could trust to try to get out a warning to the other cities. Later, Erdan privately confessed to moonshine that he knows her father, the headmaster at the university. When he and Mima first had their affair, Erdan encouraged Jolene to leave so that moonshine's father could stay in Gladehome. Trashy. A little trashy. Later, her leaving caused a rift between moonshine's parents, further complicating the current standoff between the high elves and the Crick elves. Trashy, but juicy. It's some drama.

It's pretty juicy, I'll be honest. Stop enjoying my drama. Meanwhile, hard one had a private moment and prayed to his father, promising to make up for his mistakes and make things right in response. He saw a lightning bolt in the otherwise white sky. Later, Erdan told you of a gathering during the next Blood Moon in Ember Heaven that all of the grave robbers would be attending

to receive their orders. You planned to attend into skies and look for an opportunity to confront glad, and that's where we are now. Quick question about Erdan. Yeah. What kind of like, are we getting like a hot professor vibe from him?

He's definitely a hot professor. Okay. I'm always hot. I mean, all elves are hot. They've got this kind of like ageless quality to them. He's probably not your type. He's more of the um um bookish type. He might be bepsi-boss like an intimidating woman. But I don't know. You're a crag me to twist. You like you like in a young woman and a big buff awful bodyguard.

No, I like older women. True, that's true. We were almost going to fight for Luna. Yeah, we're going to fight for Luna. This is Shay, that way. That really, what this adventure is all about. It's figuring exactly what each of our types is. Yeah, I would say that Erdan.

It's Harry women. Erdan is like the professor who has a problematic relationship with a young woman in like a CW show or something. Oh yeah. Oh, yeah. But he is definitely, I mean, moonshine, you know that he's friends with your father and Mimoss. You know he's at least like at least like 50 or 60 years old probably older.

But elves you know they lived to be hundreds of years old so it is what it is. So you guys are in this smugglers cave outside of Ember heaven. You've got the major ship here full of these dead wizard bodies as well as your own ship with your crew the bastards of none aboard. You guys have just slept through the night. You guys all converge on your boats and Erdan goes, we have a little while, but at the first signs of daylight, we were told to arrive quietly at the shore and then we were to be given an escort. So, all right, what's

the dress code for this party? To look exactly like the elves that you killed, otherwise, they'll just kill you on sight. Cool. Okay, strict. I am going to be this hot sorceress. Lai Belli, yes, not a bad idea. I start cutting off her hair. Oh, oh, I was gonna cast a spell, but yeah. She's good. Yeah, I would save the slots, you know. She's very dear. I'm very wise. I'm also cast a spell if that's okay.

If he thinks he needs it, I look at hard one in Beverly. Like he's a baby in it. I give you a bad thumbs up, but I mean it. I'm scalping a dead body. Might be a nice backup. Bound or sheaves over the side. Beverly is currently minor illusioning a pair of pins in his face too.

Hi. Uh, hey, do you wear glasses normally? Oh, just for reading, you know. Okay. I just thought I would help the disguise. Right. Yeah. You know I'm over 300 years old, right? What? Yeah, I just thought I would help the disguise right yeah, you know I'm over 300 years old, right? What yeah, I know

Okay, we're just so we're all clear I shake his hands Teachers bet I fiddle with the pinsness fiddle with the pints nest. How do you keep these little things? I don't even know where the air. They keep sliding down and too big. Normally you'd have like a prescription and a doctor would fit them to you but you're kind of just putting them on.

I made them too thick. Yes. I can't see through them. So if you'd like, if you'd like to put on some of these ropes, I can cast a spell and make us look as close as possible to the ropes that you killed. I had one thing I wanted to do before we left, is that okay? Of course. Can I look around? You know, there were skeletons on this. I'm assuming that there's some sort of like light weaponry on here. That the skeletons were going to be using. They were more here just to, we used them as workers just to sail the boat.

Is there no light weaponry on here? I'm sorry, we're wizard, so we don't have, what about the bastards of nuns ship? Oh, you mean like a big ol' weapon? They've got like a bullet star and like a- I don't need a fancy weapon, just a small weapon. Like a dagger to conceal. We're looking for Dagger Something that's easy for each of us to carry. Yeah, you guys go up to the bastards of none

It's like oh, yeah, I got a fucking extra dagger goes in like lifts up the bottom of her pant leg As like two daggers on Wow, those ones seem personal to you. I don't give a shit. All right, okay. It's 10 gold. All right, do you remember what I intimidatingly told you yesterday?

Yeah, you might want to check that. I'm gonna give you 10 gold, but you know what, it's going towards public works. Hey, you know what, I appreciate it. Okay. Erdan, will your spell allow us to conceal our normal weaponry or are we gonna need to Yes, just wear it on your person, okay, and it'll be fine. Gotcha. Okay, so what I would like to do is and this is just a little bit of Insurance and I'm putting this out there. No one has to wear this okay because obviously it's an invasion of your privacy in a way

I would like to I would like to turn these three daggers into scrying daggers and give them to a bouncer, hardworn and Beverly. So if anything happens, if we have to split up, I can... You can scry your guys. Clock, I can scry my guys. Sweet.

So you activate Rosaline for the first time ever. I love you, I love you. You activate Rosaline for the first time ever. Oh, you're good. You activate Rosaline for the first time ever. Yeah. And you do a little incantation. You hold the sword over these daggers. And after about, I would say, takes you about 10 minutes per dagger. But you have these sister daggers to your sword. Sister for my mister, sister, mister. Thank you can sister for my mr. sister mr.

Thank you. What a great name. I don't know what this is in reference to. Yeah, yeah, no, it's not good. Thank you so much. You pass out the daggers to Valnor a hard one and Beverly. This is you something you can opt into. I want you to know like this is I'm not trying to. I opt right in, I put the dagger in my back pocket, right down my ass crack. Hahaha. Okay, well, I'm actually having a hard time seeing with a thick amount of hair down there.

Hahaha. Thank you. Hahaha. I put mine like right down the front. Hahaha. Well, I'm loving I'm sure I can do this. Hahaha. Easy access. I've one more question for Erdan before we depart. Yeah.

Did you meet Tess by the way? Did you get a chance to meet her? Tess, so nice to meet you. Yeah, what's up, buddy? Gives him a side handshake and then brings him in. Oh, yes, this is fine. You got like a fucked up little skeleton cat. Yes, that's my familiar.

I brought it back from the dead. It's quite amazing. Yeah, it's fucked up. It's like a fucking skeleton. You guys look at him. He's got like a weird little fucking cat. He's a fucking cat lady. He's got a...

They're calling him cat lady. Easy, everyone go easy. Okay, Razz is aside. I just thought it'd be nice for y'all to meet because testing her crew are trying to sail as far west as they can, but they're having some trouble with the monsters. And I was wondering if you could maybe

help them when we get back to set up some like protective runes or something like they have around their town. You seem like someone who might be capable of that with your great wisdom. You see, he nods and he goes, yeah, I could throw a couple of runes up, I suppose. You see, test punches him, yeah, you fucking will, cat lady.

Start shaking him my mouth. Yeah, wow. If he didn't, if he wasn't willing to do this, I would sympathize with him. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. Oh yeah, I just wanted to like make sure we took care of that before with him. Yeah. Yeah. Cool.

Yeah, I just wanted to like make sure we took care of that before we go. Any of these, there's like healing potions on any of these boats. I will say the wizards definitely have fucking healing potions. They definitely brought along some stuff. I will.

Oh, like a real funky necromanctic healing potion. Go ahead and roll a pure luck check, D20, and I will tell you, no matter what, you'll get a health potion or two. 12. 12, okay, middleing. So. A little better than middleing, middle of credit.

I will say that there were five of them, so there are five greater healing potions. 12. 12. On there, and then I'll say that the one the Lai Bella the main lady brought a superior healing potion for herself so you got five greater healings and one superior yeah why don't we I mean I got heals yeah I'm happy to hang on to like a regular one in the greater. Yeah, you take the superior one because I think it can help you guys if or myself.

Yeah, in your current state, you're a little death proof, which might be nice. Yeah, so I'll be able to help you guys. Great. Yeah, why don't, yeah, hang on to a mall. Shall I give a mall? We should go in one hour. Okay, yeah, yeah, just in case you run out of, yeah, why not, yeah, hang on to them all. Oh, give them all. We should go in our first. Okay, yeah, we'll each get one. Yeah, balance is a good one. Balance should have one.

We should have more than one, too, I think. Okay. So maybe one for me, one for Bev, two for Balnor, rest for you. Okay, great. Balnor has two greater healing potions. One of you guys take the superior one, so that unless you guys want Balnor to have the superior one.

I think a hard one thing. Okay, I'll remember So I have a greater and a superior. Yes And the rest of you guys have a greater I have one question. Yes So the way that these scribing swords work, it's more something that I can I can like spy on them You don't even need a cast to spell you essentially now just have walkie talkies with those guys But are they walkie talkies like should I also have, should I also make one for myself?

No, Rosalene does it. Oh, yeah. So she can communicate with us too. You guys, she can't communicate with you guys, but you guys could like send her a message. Okay. So if like one of you guys went ahead and just like set out like I'm in the room

Nobody's here moonshine would hear it because she can scry it on you. Can you test them out? I hold it up to my ear Okay, I Have Rosalina up to my ear you see a vision of Like a mom like a mom making dinner talking to someone on the Sharp object your ears already factored Here's the other ear. Yeah, you see Beverly cut himself out. Yeah, I think it works. Yeah, that seems very Beverly. And Boundord goes, I don't want to be, you know, a Debbie Downer here,

but should we leave hard ones coffin here? Just in case everything goes to shit and one of us can maybe live. Is this the most strategic place to leave it? That will be the question. How close are we to, let's say, the castle? You're a mile away from the city. Harwan, how fast can you run a mile? Well, he would be a missed.

How fast can I run my mile? Once he, once he room materializes. I instantly. Instantly. Wow, I think it's near instant. Zero point zero. Zero point zero. Right, yeah. I think it's near instant zero point zero zero. Great. Yeah, I think this will be fine then sweet. Um, so you see test test goes we'll hang out here for a couple days If you don't come back, uh, you know, I think if hard one comes back and we don't that's the signal right on yeah

All right cool. Yeah. All right. Shall we go to the masquerade? Let's do it. Sweet. So Just pop I have a mask He's in a my cloak. Oh sure. Yeah, they were wearing cloaks, right? Yes. Yeah, he's in my wizard roses So you guys go around the Elven boat the one that had all the mages on it and you Strip the corpses you take their robes, you put them on, Erden gathers you guys around, and he casts this spell called Seeming, which alters

your appearance. It can't totally change your size, but it changes it a bit. So Boundor and Bev look like the shortest possible believable elf. I'm so tall! Like a 4'5 elf. This is crazy! But we are just towering over everyone. We are colossi! Just full on in hard one stomach. Like not even, dude, are we the same size right now?

We're not even close. I'm so good. Ty, what happened? What is you? I grabbed her and what did you do to me? Yeah, he has made you a little bit shorter. You guys are pretty close now. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, just for fun a bit? Oh, how about T-flin'? Ah, no. All right.

We're deep. You know what, you've missed 100% of the shots, you don't take. No dumb questions. Hey, feels like we missed 100% of the shots we also took. Well, that would be a- That would be a-

That would be a conversation. We are the team of grave robbers from Gladehomes, so we all need to be high else. Cool, watch me dunk. I try and dunk. Wait a second. Did you turn me into a look for the gap in my teeth? You have no gap.

I'm hideous. Don't look at me hard one. No, no, no, you look great. I'm like try to prime my teeth apart. Is it pop? Poppa is a little skeleton poppa. Me? Me? Me? Okay, that's a Flaz-Hell.

Yeah, well, it's not gonna lie. Pop-pop, pop-pop looks good. We have kind of a cool necromancer thing going on, right? Yeah. How does my pierced ear look? Yeah. It looks infected, but in like a necromancy way. Oh, it's like a gay-age black smoke coming out of it.

Yes. That will kill you in the end. I have a smoke ring earring. Yeah, that's so good. I think I'm like, cool, cool, yeah, this is cool. I'm fine with this. And then I grab some dirt and just put on some freckles, some makeup freckles.

It's like a smoky freckle. Yeah. I'm ready. Yeah,. I didn't change it. I'm good. So shall we take a dinghy? Yeah. Absolutely. Sweet. So you guys lower a smaller boat, a little dinghy from your big boat. You guys all get in and you take your boat out on to the quiet sea. You see that the blood moon has begun to rise, but with the ever-present black fog of Shadowfell, it barely breaks the clouds. Even so, the dark sea is lit up by streaks of red as you row towards Emberheaven.

As you approach the city, you can see it more clearly. The peak is hidden amongst the black clouds, buildings with gothic architecture line, the side of the mountain, as ghosts and ghouls wander the roads. Some monsters from the main road are crossing the giant bone bridge into the city, while a huge mass is gathering outside in front near the road. So you guys park your boat near a small cave on the rocky shore at the base of the mountain and you see a ghostly night, like in Corporeo, but he's got like a floating suit

of black armor or just like a breastplate really in a helm, comes up to greet you. And he goes, this way, and no wizard funny business, you're being watched. There is nothing funny about death. I think in that we can agree, my good sir. You hear her, Dan, in your head go, that was so good, you're such a good necromancer.

I got praise from teacher. You're such a good necromancer. Oh, I got praise from teacher. And you guys see this ghostly night takes you guys into the mountain. So you enter a cave and are immediately hit by a wave of heat and the sounds of clanging metal. The inside of the mountain has essentially been turned into this giant

war forge straight out of Lord of the Rings. Big, hulking beasts hammer crude weapons as smaller goblin-like monsters work the forge, blowing huge waves of fire. You see carts full of these terrifying crooked weapons being filled up and carted out. And you see this shadowy night, this shadow guard leads you to a crude elevator. It looks like something you'd see from like a window washer or something, just a wooden platform attached to a series of pulleys that goes straight up. Can we say that while we're on the dinghy, I cast aid on everyone? Sure.

So everyone's got five extra hit points. So you see the shadow guard nods to an undead giant who begins turning a crank that begins pulling you up and you're lifted up, up through the mountain at the various levels of the cave. You see more and more of these monsters mining and blacksmithing. The heat is very intense until finally the cavern narrows and you reach the top. You get out onto a platform and are met by two more shadow guard who take you through a doorway and you have entered Emberheaven Castle, the Great Hall. And as I described to you before,

when you were scrying on Galad, it is truly a dark reflection of Glateron Castle. You see rows of long banquet tables where other grave robbers are sitting. These wizards and purple robes and black masks. The mages are all divided up by the cities that they represent. So you see a table of dwarves, frost dwarves, one of halflings, and then you see there are

braziers lighting the room between tall columns as well as several windows letting in red light. And at the back of the room is this wall of glass, a giant window, and in front of it, on a platform, on this throne of bones, is Gladroso. The shadow guards from the door escort you to the glade home table near Iron Deep and Hill home. So you guys are the only elf representatives here because you wiped out all of the other ones. So you guys go over and you take your spots at the table, down the table or some dwarves, and at the table next to you are halflings. Erdan just goes, if everyone be cool, everyone be cool, everyone be cool. Are there any bugs on the floor? I want to

find like a nasty centipede and just like bite the head off and be like, yeah bugs are my thing. Cool, go ahead and do a nature check to find a bug. 19. 19, you find a bug, you find a big juicy cockroach on the ground, because you find one for me. With the 19, yeah, she finds two, just like that. I've had you a cockroach, I kinda like look around, I'll shift the ad, look at Necromancer

and like take a bite out of the bug And then like bring it back to life sweet I fully swallowed my bug because I do have the enemy dead So I'll just like just to like get the vibe going that like I'm legit. Yeah, as you guys Because bite to these bugs you see one dwarf the everybody's wearing masks and purple robes, so like kind of nobody can identify to each other. You see one dwarf looks at you guys approvingly and one half looks at you very scared. I didn't know it was that kind of party. I breathe flies out of my mouth with my nerve illusion. You know we don't necessarily eat bugs, right?

I see her now also eats a bug. I'm making the headless cockroach like dance, like, but controlling him like he's like a puppet. Oh, usually people think I'm weird because I eat bugs, but now we're kind of rolling deep, which is the bug crew. So this is good. Yeah, the bug out boys.

I'm sick and twisted. Do I? I don't recognize any of the hill home halflings. Do I? I feel like masks, but I. Yeah, they are wearing masks. Go ahead and make our perception check. Martha Togold, Nana Kindleeth.

Kindleeth would absolutely be in this organization. That's going to be perception, you said? Yeah, that's only a 14. 14, you kind of can't tell. Is there tales who these people are? Can I do an insight check as to whether or not there's any where there's originals in the room? Sure, yeah. There's a lot of bugs and we're there's. We're there's like the scarabs of the pan world. 17, there confirmed no where there's. Okay, Nanna kindly is good. Thank you.

Miss. So you guys are sitting at this long table everybody's very business like there's no drinks being served or anything Everybody's very serious. It's the world's worst fucking masquerade ball. It's everybody's wearing masks Just so they're not recognized. It's not like a cool sexy party This episode of NAD podOT has brought to you by Bird Dogs. They're a company that makes pants and shorts, so no matter where you fall and the age old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered. Now we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's gonna be difficult.

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his hands up and he goes, greetings, fellow followers of the light, your kingdoms resist the goddess and thus you brave people have stood against your kings and queens and will help usher in a time of peace when Bohemia is all ruled under one empire let's all give ourselves a round of applause. Moonshan you're gonna have to hold me back. I'm trying to. I'm about to start. I sit on one.

I sit on one. Everyone wants to go down. Everyone one, give a little applause, let's play it along. Every clap is pain. I'm sitting on hardworn and making his hands clap. They are too firmly cled fist. I just did, I just sounded too fist. I'm glad goes on and he goes, we have set up our hidden entry points across

Bahumia and we are ready to open the gate here my arch wizard will take care of that you see glad gestures to a bald wizard on the other side of the room with pale white skin and black stripes painted across his face. And Galad goes on, since we are only using one gate to get us to multiple locations, that's where the rest of you will come in. As my armies pass through, it is your job to direct them to your individual teleportation circles Dwarves to iron deep and frost wind halflings to hill home and elves to glee home And you see glad look so over at your guys table for a long beat

I'm gonna have him do a little roll against her then I cast infestation and bugs come out from underneath our masks You you see he rolls a natural four, he looks and he goes, you glade home elves are nasty, shout out, shout out to the glade home elves, and a couple of dwarves brought their own beer and start knocking the table. And he continues, but with all that said, we've already run into some complications. Apparently, some of the cities have been tipped off and are gathering their defenses. And you guys see Erdan next to you shifts uncomfortably. And you guys hear in your head, shifts kind of uncomfortably. And you guys hear in your head,

that's might be my fault. And Galad goes, we must strike now. Or we might not get another chance. Glad nods to his arch wizard. You see the arch wizard teleports out of there. Glad holds his hands up again and goes, wizards to the gate. go now for the light.

If you guys see the other tables of wizards all begin teleporting and you see really quickly, Erdan reaches his hands around you guys and casts invisible on all of you. And you guys disappear at the same time as all of these guys disappear and leave the room. Nice move. The only people left in the room are glad,

honest throne, and two shadow guard standing near the doorway. Okay, so I have a little spell I wanna do on the gate, which is I have a spell called Maustrum, so I could basically create a churning whirlpool that would make it less enticing for the monsters to try to pass through to Bohumia. Erdan thinks about it for a second and he goes, it's certainly could hold them back for a little bit,

but there's something like 30 mages down there, including Glad's Arch Wizard. I think it's- So I'll probably just get counter spelled. I think that's likely. Alright, I want to minimize how frequently I get counter spelled, so I will table that idea, and I guess we'll just have to trust that Bohumia can handle a couple monsters.

Let's hope that your messenger warned people enough to defend their realm. And then whenever y'all are ready to attack Glad, I have something to start him off with. A little appetizer? A little appetizer that we can throw to him while we're invisible, right? I'm ready. Let's fucking get this guy.

All right, you guys see Erdan goes, he looks at the two shadow guards and he goes, I can occupy those two while you go after the big daddy, as it were. All right. Speaking our language. I would like to cast a contagion, and I would like to give him filth fever.

A raging fever sweeps through the creature's body. The creature has disadvantage on strength checks, strength saving throws, and attack rolls that you strength. Jesus fucking Christ. Wow. We're kind of saving throws you do. I do have to touch him though. Okay. Um, um, he does a constitution saving throw. Okay. Um, so moonshine you go sneak up. I'll say yes. So I guess all symbiotic entity, then touch him with contagion. Okay. Doc, you touch him with contagion.

He's going to go ahead and make a constitution saving throw. He has to be 17. Does not pass, but he's gonna use his legendary resistance to resist one of his of the day. So, moonshine, you reach out and you touch him. You appear this fungal form, glad, pulls back. Huh, where'd you come from? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You see these two shadow guard go to attack moonshine. He starts shooting like beams of light at them. They go off.

I'm not even gonna roll back and forth for those guys. You guys are just fighting Galad. Erdan is off fighting these two shadow knights. A hard one. Tell me what you do. I come out of invisibility and I say, Galad Rosel, I believe you offered to suck my dick. And I swing my axon.

Sweet, you've been spending a lot of time indoors, hard pun. You look paler than I do. Yeah, that's true. 2018. It makes a super heads. God, this realm has done nothing for your deviated sander. I'm the king of this realm, and I'm wrecking all of your home world How did you get here 18 damage?

God damn it. I mean gosh darn it. What'd you say? The life of the living shadow fell now. I'm gonna tell the Aula Don't even forward to hit on the second it's super hits 12 damage nice Guess what you son of a bitch. I got three attacks now. I'm just winged my axe. I thought three attacks for a long time 12 damage. Nice. Guess what, you son of a bitch. I get three attacks now. I'm just swinging my axe at that.

I like that three attacks for a long time. 20, not not though. That hits. Great. 17 damage. Sweet. Yeah. Damn, you run up real quick.

Three lightning fast axe attacks. He tries to get his big cursed sword full of souls. You see all of these moving faces inside of it. What the fuck is that? You don't see any familiar ones in there. Don't look too closely. Holds the waves of the sword in front of your face. Oh shit, I forgot that.

We were gonna tell Harvard, Harvard want your mobs in there, get mad. I rather moods you tell me Thank you videos face in the sword. I'm gonna action search me string. Can I action search and hit over it? Fuck you you fuck my mother's in your sword Hmm 15 does not hit blocks it with sword, your little frazzle. A little fucking, yeah. I'm a little emotional.

Rightfully so. 27 that time though. That hits. 13 damage. Sweets. And my third or my sixth and final attack. 21. Super hits.

10 damage. Sweet, they have to go ahead and take your sprazer round. Cool. I look at hard one and say like, let's see how haste works when you're not trying to swim. And I cast it again on hard one, but this time. Hastey hard one. Haste one. This time instead of coach Bortram, a spectral old cob appears.

Oh, beautiful. I believe in you, bud. Let's keep it light. Can I put it in your hands, Jacob? Yeah. Hey, let's kill this some bitch again. What do you say? I love you, Cal.

You're my best friend. You're my best friend, bud. And after I do that, I want to turn to Galadro Zell, wink at him, and cast Val of Inmidi, which is a channel divinity that lets me get advantage on attack rolls against him. Talked you out, everyone. Right, a bitch. Sweet.

Everybody roll initiative. Now we're in the regular round. 13, four. 19. Okay, so on initiative 20, our man Galad gets a layer action. You see he takes his sword and he goes, if you thought Rosalene was cool, wait until you meet Saul Swallower. And he stabs his sword down into the ground into the stone. And you see four shadow demons emerge from the floor, and each one is going to attack one of you guys.

The first one is going to hit Beverly for... No! ...uses a claw attack. Yeah, you see like one of the screaming faces comes to life, comes out of the sword, comes out and takes a swipe at you with some claws, Bev, for nine damage. Okay. Next one attacks hard one.

That is only a 16 hit. Misses, takes a slash with claws, doesn't do it. Moonshine, crit's on you, I'm sorry, Moonshine. So, all right. 16 damage as it slashes into you. Next one to go after Balnor. That is a 24 to hit, that's gonna hit. Does a big nine damage to Balnor.

That is Moonshine's turn. I wanna cast Heat Metal on Glad Sword. Sweet. Hell yeah, drop my mother, you piece of shit. I'm gonna cast Heat Metal for my mom. Constituce your same throw. He got a nat 20. So he resists it, you see his hand sizzles.

I love it. I love the heat and I'm gonna stay in the kitchen if you don't mind. He still takes damage though. Sweet, so he takes a little bit of heat damage. Go ahead and roll that. Nine fire damage. Nine fire damage, okay. And then I spores him and I'm in fungal mode, so I spores him for fucking 18. Oh, and pop off fucking comes out. Hey, remember this is a of it? What is this little rat doing? He's so big now. He is hitting you for. You're about to get slapped with a lawsuit. He had a glow up.

Raaam. He's hitting you for 19. That hits. Yeah. That's cool. Oh, Papa's been hitting a lot. You just got served. He has advanced because of pack tactics.

Right. He's about to habeas your cor served. He has advanced because of pack tactics. Right. He's about to habeas your corpus. He decks you for nine. Jeez. Snarl him, little beast. You guys see, yeah, this form of glad is harder than his old form. But already, he is looking a little sweaty and just like,

I don't like this one bit. But that is his turn. He is going to attack hard one. You see he rushes forward and he goes, you're undead, you serve me. I am the dark lord of Shadowfell. 21 to hit. That does not hit.

Thank you, Haste. Takes a second. It's not as good as you thought you were. You son of a, as you say that, he slashes up and gets a 27 to hit. Right. Cuts right into you. He does 21 damage.

Okay. You see as he slashes into you with this sword, hard one, as an undead of Shadowfell, you feel a calling and he goes, I can't believe you came here as an undead. You serve me. Join your mother. You guys see from the outside hard one disappears into the sword as it flares. And then he's going to rush forward and take an attack on, let's say, Ballnor. I'm gonna kill your dad. No! And he hits on Ballnor. 19 damage on Ballnor. Stay strong, Valnor. I'm trying, but this guy's a punk. Where did hard one go?

It's a goof. It's obviously a fate. This is part of his plan. Bev, that's your turn. Okay, can I do an insight, or like an arcana check to see if I like know what's happening with this sort of the curse or something? It's like being a dwarf going up and fighting Mordid

and he just has like something that can kind of control the undead to a certain extent. So I just get a sense that I could not undo this curse or undo this calling. It would be if you like had the sword, maybe. Alright. Okay. But it also might make you evil or might make you. You hear yeah you hear a pentagosco from inside the gym. Yeah it's kind of a dork lord thing. If you wanted to be like the dork lord of Shadowfill you could probably free him if you wanted. I want my friend to not be in a sword. If you want to if you want to live in Shadowfill forever with me dude. Me and you can hang out.

Hard pass, my friend. That's the word. I am going to run up and try and get a slashing and then maybe use a move to try and grapple the sword out of it with the sand. That would be an action. You got to do grapple against him. OK.

It looks like the only way we're getting that sword out of his hands is if his hand is dead. You get what I'm saying. I'm going to attack him. I'm going to see if he still has the light within him or if he's lying, I'm going to do a divine smite. Sweet. I'm gonna reroll that one.

Oh god. Not weighted dice. 16. 16 does not hit. All right, let me take my second attack. Sweet. There we go. 28. Hits. All right, cool. Bev, attack sweet There we go 28 hits all right cool. I'm bev he is evil

Yes, I'm not evil. What is this? I'm not detecting any lights coming from no just normal amount of smite damage it seems Glad you're a black light what and I see a lot of stains All right, I'm gonna to do a third level, Smite. 49 damage. Jesus. Bev, you destroyed this guy. Just this explosion of holy light as you slashed into him.

You're channeling the goddess, young Beverly. Congratulations. The goddess has nothing to do with that. Impossible. The light takes many forms. You would know that. I'm gonna kill your dad. He's gonna take it. Okay, that was uncalled for. Legendary action and take a slash at Balnor. When he does hits, and he does 19 damage to Balnor. Balnor's starting to look a little rough. That is actually Balnor's turn. Oh, fuck. I forgot to roll advantage on my attack roll. Cool.

dope. That is Balnor's turn. Balnor is going to attack twice. Actually hits on the first attack. Six damage does a one on his damage. So it does not do much damage, but he's fighting toe-to-toe with glad, very brave. Hits on the second attack.

Does 14 damage. Good for you, Balnor can use his action surge, takes another attack hits, does another nine damage, takes a fourth attack, misses, that's a natural six, then he's gonna look at Beverly's Amulet and get some of his health back. He had a glance that he'd be in great. At the end of his turn though, Galad is going to take another shot at him, and misses, he rolls in that one. Then that is hard one's turn.

I have a sword. Hard one. One day you're a boop, the next day you're a sword. Does that break, does that break haste? No, okay, go, no. Nice. So hard one. You see that you are in a Demi Plainar Prison,

which looks an awful lot like lower Galatoron. You are the only thing that has color here. Everything else is gray. There is a small cluster of houses down near the docks and it's raining. And in one of the houses, you hear people yelling at each other, but there's this kind of strange echo to it. You hear a woman go, we need to go Elias and you hear a man go, I will not run from a fight. You go up to the window and you see your mother and father but they aren't humans. They're these white spectral projections. You're not watching something that's happening

right now. It feels like you're watching a memory. You also see a little crib and a projection of your uncle red near it. And you see the little spectral version of red goes, look Elias, I know, I know you wanna be a tough guy, but Lydia's right, we gotta get outta here, man. Gunther can only hold them off for so long, we'll be lucky if he survives. There's no place for cowards and cords, great hall! You see your father, Elias Stormborn,

looks a lot like you, but has this like um you can't really see the color of his beard because it's all like white but you do see like some tones of gray and black and you see that it's like a dark beard and dark hair and you see Lydia your mother goes Elias we have a son. Don't you think I want to stay in fight? I'm a warrior too, but we gave up glory when we became parents. And Elias goes, all the more reason for me to set an example for him.

Warriors die on the battlefield and go to Isgard. Cowards grow old. You see, Lydia grabs him desperately. When we met, you showed me how to live for the moment free from the constraints of religion. You freed me from the chosen and here you are living for the afterlife. Come with us. Please. You see Elias takes her into his arms and he goes, or you could stay, and you

and I, we could send a few dozen of these bastards to hell, then later we'll drink to it in court's hall. You see, Lydia pushes him back and goes, if you would choose glory over your own family, then I'm glad your son will never get to know you. You see she walks over, grabs the baby out of the crib, and exits through a trap door in the floor. And you see your uncle Red looks up at Elias and Red shakes his head and goes Elias with that one man. And Elias just kind of turns away from him and red leaves and follows after

Lydia. And you see Elias stands there for a moment by himself. Gets like a little teary Walls up. Walls up Outside you see the chosen begin to gather And kick in the door as he lets out a war cry Watch this and then the memory resets and Everything starts playing again from the beginning. Ah. Go with her, you fool.

Suddenly, you hear a booming voice go, you didn't have to stay. Glad killed me later, you know that. If it was both of us, we could have won. Hard one, you see the widow hovering. She looks like the widow you saw in Galatoron, not like the spectral projections. It seems like she's actually here with you. She wears dark armor with a hood that's covering the top half of her face. Her skin is pale, but there are chains wrapped around her body.

And hovering around her are white specters, different versions of herself. And when she speaks, they all talk in tandem. There is a strange magical energy around her. Like there's these tiny lightning bolts that keep crackling as she hovers near you. And it is very clear that you know from when you ran into her in Galatoron that when she was a revenant sent to kill Galad that she was like she had this unnatural bloodlust towards Galad. So she has been brought back to life in these different ways that it has driven her completely mad. Like you literally see all of these spectral split personalities of her. You see she locks eyes with you and

instantly you know she thinks you're your father. She thinks you're a live storm born senior and she gets ramped up and she goes, and then after I die, I spend years wandering the astral plane. Your God offers me a deal to kill Galad Rosel. Galad ends up dead in no small part because of my actions, but that's not good enough for your stupid mead head god, is it? Because I didn't swing the blade you drink and you fight and you laugh while the people around you suffer but no longer you will wear my chains and you see she whips a chain out at you and makes an attack roll against you. God damn it.

Oh god damn it. At least you got haste. Ha ha ha. Okay, that is a 21 hit on the first attack. If I still got haste, that doesn't do. Still have haste. Alright, yeah. A hard one. You're just like holding your hands up back and up.

Your mother whips this chain at you. You see, you hear like whispers of, we can't leave him, we can't leave our son. Like just all of these different versions of her kill glad Roselle Just this woman who's been brought back over and over and over and over again Who spent 30 years traveling the astral plane just broken She takes a second chain attack against you

That one is only a 20 to hit So you dodge again, his next chain. And you 21 to hit. That doesn't hit. Doesn't hit. Miss the last chain. Hard one, that is your turn. Okay, I throw down my axe.

I'm not going to raise my hands. Lydia. Lydia, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I should have hands, Lydia. Lydia, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I should have gone with you. I should have left. I should have never stayed and tried to fight. Go ahead and give me a persuasion check. 17.

17. 17. She starts to reach her hand out to you and then pulls it back as like one of her, you see like one of the spirits goes, that's not a lie, is he looks different? He looks different, he looks different. Who are you, who are you, who are you? And the main one goes, it's too late for that.

It's too late for that! It's all ruined! Uh, and we move down the initiative. Let's do it. All right, layer action. Um, you guys see the demons that had arrived around Glad Dispers. Um, and you see Glad again, takes a sword, sticks it into the ground, and you see four beams of black energy of this shadow with like screaming faces inside of it appear on every corner of the room.

You don't know what it does yet, but that is what he does with his turn or with his lair action rather. That is Mochens turn. I am going to, I think it's foolish to keep pursuing magical efforts, but I'm going to, I get to ask a bonus action, make him take damage again from the heat metal and he has to do the same throw again. Sweet. Nice. He got a 19. That saves you. Okay. Okay, so he will take nine damage and then I'm gonna fuck the lightning bolt him. Shit, what is he got to roll for lightning bolt?

Dexterity save. Dexterity save. You are your own element, okay guys? He does not pass the dexterity. Yeah! Okay, and I'm doing a level five, so that is... She is a rightful hole. 39! And I'm doing a little five so that is 39 That I suppose and for 18 and a pop-up is gonna go at him. Oh my god

pop-up is gonna hit and Papa hits in for 11 Jesus I want to hear pop-up finishes Pop-up bites into him. Okay, he's going to take a legendary action and take an attack on Balnor again. He actually misses Balnor that time. That is a miss. He could Balnor use the grease, but that is his turn. Release the grease.

He is going to use an ability called fearful shadows. You guys see from these four corners of the room, these black pillars that have come up, suddenly faces come out of them and begin letting out these otherworldly screeches. Everybody go ahead and give me a, ooh, dexterity saving throw. Oh!

Ooh! Ooh! 21! 21, okay. I got a natural 20. Good for you. I got a roll for Papa too. My son!

Papa got a 17. Papa fails. Ah! Papa takes 35 damage yikes This a necrotic head it comes out from one of the pillars and bites pa pa get away from my son Also, but they bite you too, but they only Nickia so you guys take half of that so you guys take 17 Even with an actual 20? Yep, okay. Oh my gosh, excuse me.

Uh-huh. Quick question. If I take damage, does that break my concentration? It does, you need a role for concentration. Oh, okay. I might have had to do that before, but we missed it. I don't think you've taken any damage yet. No, it took damage from that demon.

Didn't I? It took nine damage. Okay, you did have to roll, but it's just roll now. Okay, cool. What do you have to roll to not lose concentration? Half the damage that you took. I failed, he meddles off. Okay, he meddles away.

That's a eight. You fail your con say. So you're no longer concentrating. Hard one no longer has haste. I'm sorry, I'm gonna get hit by my mom. Uh huh. You guys see at the end of his turn, glad holds up a sword and points to the windows on the walls on either side of you and he goes, I don't know why you're trying to kill me, it's

already too late. And you see black smoke comes out of a sword and fills the windows. And on the smoke, you see projections of some of the different cities in Bohemia. You see Glade Home, Iron Deep, Frost Wind, and Hill Home. And you see monsters begin appearing in mass, in hidden passages, sewers, aqueducts, forests, immediately outside the cities. It's a trick, babe. Don't fall for it.

This is how you use your light for trickery. It's not trickery. It's to take it back, you all resisted. You see Hillhome, this little hobbit village, not unlike the Shire, rolling pastures, cute little farms and halfling holes, and an army of monsters begin charging into it. But unlike the Halflings, the dwarves appear to be ready for the fight. You see that as monsters enter the city, both Frostwind and Iron Deep. Dwarven guards and soldiers are there to meet them. There is a lot of bloodshed right off the bat,

but Frostwind is doing a lot better than Iron Deep. Frostwind has a bigger army, and it's harder to sneak around there. You see these giant Iron Dwarves, crushing small goblins, swarms of well-trained winter wolves, shooting down giants with crossbows. The iron deep dwarves are also putting up a good fight, but they're inside a mountain, so there's so many more areas to sneak in and burst through. You'll see a bunch of soldiers overwhelm some monsters when suddenly like an umber Hulk bursts through a wall

behind them and begins tearing them apart. Bev, that is your turn. It's never as easy as you think, is it? It's trickery, I don't fucking buy. You're fucking, these are projections. These are little movies, homemade movies you made. Oh, they're movies. It's time to documentaries.

I love watching nonfiction. Yeah, I bet you love fucking burns. I do. I actually kinda do too. All right, we should watch you get burned. Yeah, we should watch you get burned. We should watch you get burned. Yeah, while we while I do actually kind of do too. All right We should watch you can burn again burns movie together. Yeah, why don't we look at poison your popcorn It's all just slow pans Archival footage is boring I scream as I attack sweet. Yeah, I think I'm gonna bail on trying to Do anything to him other than hit him?

He seems to be responding to being hitin' as you attack him. He is going to use a reaction to do shadow slip. He makes you roll with disadvantage. Okay, so just. Who is this motherfucker? How did you get stronger than us? So that just cancels out my advantage.

Why do you have advantage? Because of valve enmity. Oh, sweet. Yeah, okay. So you just have a regular old roll all right 18 18 does it yeah So I see like so embarrassing my see it higher than yours you fool Yeah, I got this cool summer what that armor is just made of aluminum you can't get hired in 18 AC

Yeah, we all have that otherwise you have to use a shield like a dork. 41 damage. Jesus. This picture show is coming to an end. All right, let me roll again sweet. Another 18. That hits. All right. I'll just do a normal attack this time. Well, you know what? Why the fuck would I stop? I'll do another divine smile. Okay, cool. Uh, 33. Jesus.

Glad's looking pretty fucked up. Yeah. Why? I'll call off the fight if you guys stop and just let me be the dark load of shadow fell. This fight doesn't stop until you suck my friend's dick. Yeah. I'm not talking anybody's dick

I was gonna buy you stick off if you bring hard one out here and then suck his dick then absolutely no You're the one who was begging to do it last time at the end of bow at the end of a bev's turn I was gonna take a legendary action to attack Balnor. I'm gonna hit some He's gonna do 21 damage to Balnor. Balnor, remember, check, check if you need. Yeah, how's Balnor looking? I know he looked in the amulet, but Balnor is looking okay. He's been getting attacked, he's in a mount, but he's doing all right.

That is actually Balnor's turn. He'll take two attacks, and he does 13 damage. Wow, true denizen of the light. Attacking our small dad. Ha ha ha. Yeah, hidden people who smaller than you. That is. Denison of the light attacking our small dad. Yeah, hidden people who smaller than you. That is. What's that about back to hard one hard one. You are in this demi plane. You see your mother with all of these spectral versions around her. So she goes at the beginning of your turn.

So she will actually go first. So she takes a three chain attacks against you. First one is gonna hit. One of the chains wraps around you for 13 damage and you are grappled. This chain wraps around you. Finally, you know what it feels like you selfish bastard. You abandoned me. Takes a second attack. Misses, other chain comes at your head, you duck down, you're still wrapped around. Takes a third attack and does hit.

She does 13 damage on the third attack. That's your turn, hard one. Cool. I'm still holding the chain, right? It's wrapped around you. Yeah. Double Dutch. Yeah, I'm going to grab onto the chain. Okay. All right, new plan. It's me, Elias Jr. I'm your boy. I'm sorry I pretended to be my dad. You were just, it seemed like you were in a lot of pain and I don't want to torture you anymore. But Fuck it. Let's see what we can do. I'm gonna swing my axe at the chain that I'm holding on to. Nice. Go ahead and make an attack roll on the chain. Does it 25 beat the chain's AC?

25 does beat the chain's AC. What is the chain's AC? The people need to know. It's 20? Yeah, what I tell you. Wow, the chain has better AC than galad. But also Moussa. It's exactly like that. Everyone chill. Yeah.

15. 15 damage. Okay. Hard one. You see you mostly sever this one, Jane. You attack it and it loosens around you and a bunch of the links break. You can take your second attack if you like.

I'll attack the chain again. Sweet. That's not. 16. 16 does not do it. I'll attack it again. Okay. 23. That hits.

Re-roll on the one. 15 damage. 15 damage, hard one. You fully break this chain, and you see the widow staggers back and you see one of the other spectral forms of her briefly takes over. Go ahead and roll a persuasion check with advantage. Not 20.

You've got to be fucking kidding. You see this other, the other spectral form that was like, we need to save the child, we need to save the child, takes precedence over the one who kind of wants revenge on Elias. You see that these are kind of all different parts of her that otherwise would just be parts of her personality but they've all been brought out into the extreme

in this hell and just the fact that she's been brought back so many times. You see this other version of her takes over and she kind of staggers back and she goes, Alias, is that you? It's still a little Alias. You save the child, Mom. And then we're going to come back over to the layer action back into the main room. You guys see, once again, Galad holds his hands up

and more heads come out of those spheres that are surrounding the room. This one is a frightened thing. So, it very literally can't be frightened. But also we get, what do we get to it? With my aura of courage, it's a new paladin thing. Everyone within 10 feet of me cannot be frightened. Woo! She's a great, holy, holy, holy, holy, holy, holy. I shake my tits at him.

I'm held yet. That's inappropriate. I put up a giant sphere of white. I will have some balls of light. Yes. I definitely do like shake the tits, shake the ass, shake the, you know, I kind of taught him that way. It's not a sphere.

It's like a go-go dancer cage. I'm a giant, that is your turn. All right, you know, I'm glad I've been trying all this fancy stuff, but I think that the reason none of it has been working is that someone wants a little reunion with you. And I can't guardian of nature with myself and then reveal Rosalene.

Start making me do it. I don't even care about her. I have soul swallower. Oh, good thing that you don't, because honestly, she responds to my grip like a little What no? I like the sword. Oh, don't do that. You don't know what I've done with that sword And then I attack Does a 25 hit him just get none. No, you're I see it does

You guys are fucking I can you guys are fucking just be, you guys are fucking, just bevin' moonshine. You can go at Zaz, it's crazy. Him for 20. Jesus. Who is it for 18? Papa, get in there. Weeem. Clean up.

Oh, God. Does a 10 hit? No, Paul. And in fact, as a legendary action, Galad is going to spitefully attack Papa. Ah! And hits, that's a 21 to hit, Papa. Well, he, I mean, he's gone.

He, you're just, that's like the equivalent of kicking a dog for no reason. You guys see Glad kicks Papa's, where does he can? You see Papa flies across the room. Rear! My baby! Crashes into the wall, reverse out of his fungal form, Papa's, or does he can? You see Papa flies across the room. Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Whatever the fuck you saw the swallow Yeah, I killed your stupid little rat. It's all sucking and swallowing with you, isn't it? Yeah You are a freak, but you are pretending not to be which makes you the most born kind of person. Yeah Shut up

Celebrate your light. You're hiding it and it's gone out. That is Gladstone. Glad is going to take a couple of attacks on our friend, Balnor here. Hits on the first attack. Lay off our freaking pop. Yeah, lay off Balnor. 26 damage on the first attack. Hits on the second attack.

27 damage on the second attack. 27 damage on the second attack. You see Balnor staggers, superhertz. Hits on the last attack. You guys see Galad slashes Balnor across the chest. Blood spurts everywhere. And he kicks Balnor down and Balnor goes down. Balnor! At the end of Galad's turn,

you guys see in the windows these projections, you see that the monsters have begun sacking Hill home. But it doesn't look like anyone is there. They've destroyed a bunch of homes and set fire to farms. Okay, why doesn't it look like anyone is there. They've destroyed a bunch of homes and set fire to farms. Okay. Why doesn't it look like anyone is there because it is a movie set. The stacking of Hill home did not happen. I don't have the budget for this. You look, you straight up look at, um, you look at the Glade Home one and you

notice that nothing's happening there. And glad's like, wait, what's going on in Gladehub? Guys, anything happening. Okay, you're just going for some authenticity, right? This is some, why would I do this? Why would I make this? And one of them is free. You're trying to deep fake us.

You guys see that the monsters in Hill Home have destroyed a bunch of homes and set fire to farms, but you don't see any halflings that have been killed. You just see monsters like overrunning the town. Finally, you see an airship land on a field across from the army of monsters, and then you see aboard the ship is the tiniest little army that they could muster from this town of non-combatants. You see cannons emerge from below deck and above deck is a line of nervous, halfling archers,

leading them is a gway. With her green knight helm, you see snake fangs covering the top part of her face and the bottom part of her face. You see she walks around and angrily adjusts a bunch of the archers. You see she holds up her hand as if to signal for them to hold. And then you see Irland in a little suit

a full plate mail, his red hair sticking out from under a helm that covers his whole face. And you see piloting the airship is red. And you see Gunther holding a spear waiting on the edge of the airship. You see as the monsters get closer, the cannons on the ship fire and take out a bunch of the monsters in the front line, but you see that it looks like there's just an endless charge of them that is coming

towards the airship. You see a Gwain, lowers her hand, and you see the nervous halflings shoot up into the air and there's a volley of arrows, but then you see from behind them a volley of hundreds of arrows. And you see cresting over the hill behind the airship, a line of high Elven archers shooting on the monsters. Then you see lines of crick elves with crude weapons charge in from behind them. And then above them, you see dozens of birds fly onto the battlefield and turn into humanoid versions into elves, the old

folks circle and Mimaw. They're joined by a team of high elf wizards. You see Mimaw stands back to back with a high elf wizard with long blonde hair, bright green eyes, and a red robe. As soon as they realize what they're doing, they shoot each other in awkward look and back up and charge into battle against this big line of monsters. That is, Beverly's turn. So if I run to that portal, I can just jump through it

to help him. It looks like a project. If you run to the portal downstairs, you could maybe do that. Yeah. Let's keep that portal open. I turn to Galadon, I say, this is a really great movie.

Yeah, it's pretty compelling, right? It's unfortunate. It's like my favorite movie Star Wars episode one It's unfortunate that the director will meet an early demise George Lucas Not that director All right, so I am going to attack Again, I can't cast my bonus action first. Can I you can yeah, oh cool All right, so I am going to attack. Again, I can't cast my bonus action first, can I? You can, yeah.

Oh, cool. So I'm going to cast my bonus action first, and I'm going to do Hunter's Mark, okay, which lets me mystically mark a quarry, and I get to add a D6 of damage to it. Nice. All right, 27 to hit. That hits.

Yeah, it's not so. All right, so that's going to be, I'll do a first level smite this time. 31 on the first hit. He's hit. He's hit. He's looking very hurt. Okay.

All right, everybody come down. Ha. It truly feels like a shame to strike down such a beautiful cinematographer. Again, I love George Lucas. It's time to separate the art from the artist. Right, I have a lot of opinions about that. I write them on message boards.

I'm not surprised. I'm going to use true Strike to guarantee that I hit. Trying guarantee that I hit. Okay. 27. Yeah, that'll do it. Yeah, I'm going to divine spite again. That's 30 more damage.

Jesus. He's on Death Store. That is Balnor's turn. Balnor is going to go ahead and roll a death saving throw. Just Papa rolled death saving throw? No, Papa just revered, so it's not a form. We can't do that. He's the only one who has complete blood armor.

Although kicking him is cool. That was brutal, yeah. Yeah, I will kick him from time to time, but I won't kill him. Please add plus four to that saving throw. Yeah Balnor Fails because you rolled in at five. So that's one failure for Balnor and then We could over to a hard one hard one. It is your turn. You see on

God you roll the mad 20 of your fucking persuasion check you see She looks at you for a second and she goes, my son, you look so familiar, but, and yet it's like I'm seeing you for the first time. You see she starts to reach out to you and then you see the chains wrap around her and shock her and she lets out this horrible yell. Let's get you out of these chains, mama.

You see the two of you, go ahead and make a strength check with advantage. 25, Jesus. And she got a 21. You working together with the widow, you reach in, you feel like nocrotic energy pushing against your hand. You just let it go fucking numb and clench it,

pull the chains apart as she's pushing. They break away and you feel the spell break, chains fly off of her. And she falls down to the ground. I've run over and kneel next to her. She grabs you, she gives you a hug, she kisses you on both cheeks. My son, hey.

Well shit. I didn't think I'd be meeting you in a sword. It's ironic that glad Rosalp brought us together in some weird way. It's all my fault, mom. It's not your fault, not always all my fault. I don't, you see, she grabs you and she holds your face, facing hers and she goes, I don't know what I've been,

these past few years, I don't know what I've been, these past few decades, but I want you to know that when I was your mother, that you were wanted, and when I was a little girl, I was raised with the chosen, I was in a cult, I was excited to experience a happy childhood through you. I was, I love you, Elias. I love you, I love you too, Mom.

She gives you a hug and she goes, I just, I wanted, I wanted to experience teaching you at a sword fight, had a, had a ride horses, had a, God, we could have had so much time. It's alright, Mom. I, I never learned how to sword fight, but I can swing, I can swing a hammer, I can swing an axe. She shakes her head to sword fight, but I can swing I could swing a hammer I could swing an axe. She shakes her head and she goes, God, you're just like your father I've also been eating horses instead of riding them, but we'll get to that later. Yeah, you see she looks at your translucent skin she goes what? You're your cursed you're dead. You're like me. Tell you what you you saved me. Whatever you were for all those years afterwards,

you were a good mom, you saved me. I got myself killed. This isn't your fault. You see, she looks off into the distance and she goes, we've all made mistakes, Elias. I don't know how much of that you saw these memories you were playing. From the beginning to the end, and then it started a little bit in the beginning.

So you saw it, you saw it like one and a half times, one and a quarter times, right? I give it a zero percent on Rotten Tomatoes if I'm being honest. No, you're, your father, you know, he was a complicated man. I think in his dream world, we're all one happy family and in Cords Great Hall.

But, you know, there's more to life than, you know, drinking and fighting. Is there? Ha-ha. She nods and she goes, I wish, I really wish we could have spent more time together. You got a lot to teach me still, Mom. Don't worry. I'm Dome as hell. And she looks out. So you guys are in like a strange version of lower Galator on. And you look out onto the sea and she's looking around and you guys are standing there in the rain and she goes, the strangest thing about all of this, about

you being here, is that it only started raining when you got here. I remember this day and I remember being so angry because it was such a beautiful day and such an awful thing happened. And you see a crack of lightning in the distance. I think we're not alone. Hard one go ahead and make a perception check with advantage. It's a little well. 11.

A little middle of the road. And 11, hard one you see, as there is like the crack of lightning, you could have sworn you saw in the deep distance moonshine and Beverly fighting galad, just for like a flash. What's way out there, Mom? I don't know, should we find out? If you've got a way to get there, let's go. You see your mother grabs you, and she jumps and begins flying towards where the lightning bolt was.

And Mom can fly. Fuck yeah. That is back up to moonshine turn. moonshine you see in glads sort. You see hard ones face and the widow, like reaching out, like getting close to like getting out of the sword. That is your turn. Glad is looking fucked up though, right?

You super fucked up. All right, first I'm gonna heal in word, bouncer. Sweet bouncer pops fucked up. All right, first I'm gonna heal in word, Bounder. Sweet Bounder pops back up. Nice. And then I am going to spores him for 18. Okay, he is so fucking close to death. But we'll lead every, okay. All right, well, okay, actually I wanna hear

what you have to say, maybe I am here to bargain. All right, everyone, okay, what if you were the Dark Lord of Shadowfell? And I just leave. I'm wearing the previous Dark Lord of Shadowfell and the belly chair. So it's a pretty shit-freaking job. You can just end up in a belly chair. I'll suck your dick.

My dick? Your dick, yeah. I'll suck your belly chair. That'll be pretty funny. Actually, yeah, could you suck my dick? Your dick, yeah. I'll suck your belly chain. That'll be pretty funny. Actually, yeah, could you suck my dick and I put Rosalie in between my legs? I got two ones because I roll with advantage because I have a guardian of nature,

but because of Elvin Agarison. Nice, yeah. I got a 15. 15 does not hit. It does not hit. With all those fucking roles, I did not fucking do it. At the end of your turn, Galad is just going to swing wildly at you.

Don't make me suck Rosalene. He rolls a nat one. He's mixing himself a little bit. That is Gal Glad's turn. Okay, he's gonna try to use this skill called Shadow Step, but to do that, he needs to get to one of the corners. So he starts running, Bevin Munchine, you guys get opportunity to attack on him.

It's a whack to this, Doofus. 25. Munchine as Glad tries to run back to escape. It's really just still like a dick between my legs. Um, like a horse towards it. Munchine, finish him. Yeah. I'm going to reach my hand towards the widow's hand. Munchine, you reach your hand out.

There's like this mini spectral version of the widow's hand. You grab it, it turns into a real solid hand, and you fucking yank the widow and hard one out of the sword. And Galad is just staggering on the floor, it falls down. Away, no, I'll suck everyone's dick here. Don't listen to him, he doesn't hold up his end of the bargain. Man, everyone. A hard one, Mama hard one.

I don't know, I got left over. Is he thinking you can finish it off? Hell yeah, bud. Shine. I put my forehead against mood shines. I'm gonna, I swirl my ax walking towards galad and then I want to flip it back towards my mom Oh I should have done this a long time ago mama. You see she catches the axe

She starts walking over towards galad and galad goes no no hang on all right I'm the dark lord of shadow. I can do whatever you want. I can free from your god-jentil and she could. Just please don't kill me. You see, the widow has hard ones ax, goes up to him and goes, you're wrong. I'm the Dark Lord of Shadowfell and she...ops. Oh. Wow.

My stomach sinks, but I start slow clapping. I've been to me. See? I absolutely bend to me. Head rolls on the ground. You see the widow grabs sole swallower off the ground. What a stupid name. We're going to rename read. Yeah, I can get a list to you You see you have a like a baby names book but for some names any good adventure it does

You see she raises the sword over her head and begins projecting to all the monsters of shadow fell and begins projecting to all the monsters of Shadowfell. Hard one, you are once again transported to the Black Void that you saw in your vision, just blackness. Well, see you later. And this giant red portal, this arcane gate, with hordes of monsters on both sides of it. And you see the widow looms over. And she goes, glad Roselle is no more.

Your work here is complete. All those who wish to be at rest, drop your weapons, and I will grant you peace. You see, you guys can see like Munchine and Beverly outside watching the projections across the wall. You see in these battles, monsters begin dropping their weapons and then disappearing. You see the various armies of like elves and dwarves and halflings look super confused, but then start cheering. Just super excited. Now that's an ending.

And then snap. Hard one that you appear back in this great haul with the widow and all of your friends. You see Erdan has just finished his fight against the two shadow guard. They were tough foes and he goes, oh, how did everyone else's fight go? Good.

I mean, better than expected. And you see in the corner, Papa was like teetering. He was like cocked out and he turns over. And he ran over and you, Papa is like really playing. Papa is, Well, first off, Papa crit, but now he, not Papa got to get, Papa is playing it up like a little kid that

like falls and you can tell that they're not actually hurt but they're crying to get attention. It's fine. I'm feeding him all the popsicle. He's feeding me and Papa just feeding. Fighting so many popsicles. Mom, I'd like you to meet my friends. Hi Mrs. Hard one.

Hi, we kind of met once before but it's nice to meet under much better pretenses. You see congratulations on your coronation, you wear it well. She laughs and she goes, I've been taking a lot of orders from gods and I'd like to be one for once. Well, you stepped into it quite naturally. She brings you guys all in for a big group hug. And that's where we'll end our session. Oh!

My mom's a dark lord. I know, it's bad as though she took that without hesitation. She wanted it. I was as moonshine was thinking, huh, is there a world where I could become the Dark Lord and I could bring some hospitality to Shadowfell? So I don't see it. I don't see it as necessarily a bad thing.

I agree. I feel like it's, I'll talk about it on the short rest, but it feels almost like getting over a parent's divorce. Yeah. Right on. Oh, this actually is better for her. I guess we just don't know what her platform is, but like, she's getting to it.

Right, she's definitely got it, it's a runoff against Pender Green. Yeah. You're going, she'll be no excuse to do me. I know we're gonna talk about it on the short res, but I really like how complicated your parents relationship was. Me too.

Yeah, it was crazy shit. I really, it's funny to play it too, because I just like a kid thought through like I an ideal filter Yeah, really nice. Nice stuff interesting stuff. Yeah Viking style. Yeah, I'm dying battle. Yeah Give me a good death. I pull in my heart from my anus What do you go me? Oh, yeah, cool guys. You can listen to us talk about this episode over on the short rest going over to patreon.com slash nad pod that's an a d d p o d don't sing yet

Before the p o d. Oh my goodness. I love p o d. Yeah, everyone chill out with love and p o d guys No more no more p o d. We are well, no everyone Okay, guys, we have a bunch of live shows coming up. September 10th. We are in Atlanta. Batlando Shadowhard one. Oh, yeah. September 11th, we are in Philadelphia.

Silly Delphi, a shadow of both. Okay. September 12th, we are in New York. To Coo New York. Oh, yeah, very good. To New York. To New York City, let's look at the New York. Oh yeah. Very good. New York, New York. Two New York City, look. Crew York City. September 13th, we're in Boston.

And in Boston, you got to remember to do it. Yeah. I'm related to the pod. And September 14th, we are in Pittsburgh, aka Cretzburg. Yeah. Guys, you can get your tickets now over at

nadpod.com slash live. We got some other things to plug. Guys, check out our sketch show, meaning Emily's sketch show. It's called Hot Date. It's a bill on Netflix. You can also get our book. It's called Hey You Up,

How to Turn Your Booty College Emergency Contact, bill on Amazon and Unaudible. Called out what you got this week. Ooh, please go check out Cartoon Hell. It is a two season series that I did with my friend Nathan Yaffe and some other Drawfee illustrators. It's a lot of fun. There's a lot of episodes with a lot of great guests.

Sign up. Dropout.tv. Slash Drawfee. Jake, what you got? You know what, I'll plug headgum. Headgum.com. Check out all of our podcasts. None of them are as good as this one, but some of them come close.

Oh yeah. That's an awful thing for the founders. Now watch it on really, I, that made me feel really good about myself though. All the sorry. Thank you. Thanks for pumping a subject. Guys, follow us on Twitter at CHMURFUSME.

Ed called these call the wall, at the expert is Emily, and at J. Kerwitz's Jake and tweet about the show using hashtag, nadpot, that's NADDDPOD. I'm kind of sung out. I sang a little bit. We are we are! We are the nation! We are we are! We are the nation! Show it entire now.

It's the end of the show everybody and that means we need to shout out our benevolent council of elders. We're all also good too. Ehh. Starting with Brad D, the only Pebble Pot that isn't Craven talked to Danny out of a panic attack, during a particularly scary part of Moana, the soundtrack, Danny still won't watch the movie. J-L-O-M-S-S-E-N-D-E-K, Steelbreaker, Hard One's gym inspiration, felt glad summoned to all monsters, but only because there's such a monster in the gym. Dylan B, a sword wielding wizard surrounded by a floating army of blades at all times, you better believe people respected Dylan's personal space.

Danny P, Bohomia's resident artist, painted hard ones senior portrait at the dwarf and it painted the iron-deep flag upside down in the background, however, as a subtle political statement about corruption amongst the bronze beards. Spencer Caskru, patron elder of light-bations, ale maker to gods and heroes of Bahumia alike, makes a shadow fell saison from shadow fell barley and nightmares. Beard man dan, the longest beard and all Bahumia, the shortest temper, though. Keep it cool, beard man dan. Scott D, also trapped in the sword, and constantly reliving the story of Hard One's parents, but

has never met either of them, so thinks it's just a repetitive movie. Hermes, W, the bad king, keeps killing all their sons because of a prophecy that they would be dewinged by a bad prince. Spartus helped make the portal to Shadowfell, but only because they were told it was part of a new low-cost public transportation initiative. Adam R. the R-rated assassin taught moonshine how to rip a still-beating heart out through so much aos. Danielle the Dasterdly Dame hopped through the portal from Shadowfell but only to wet willy urdan then hop right back. Hugh C. A.K. A. Haldor Frostback MVP of the Giant Wars grew on the SS Stormborne and fought alongside Elias

and Red. If hard one had looked closer, he would have noticed hall door frostback in the background of his parents flashback, picking his notes. Daniel U, aka Multifor the many face magician, gives Sephora employees a heart attack whenever they enter. Jordan DJ, legendary DJ of the realm, currently working on a funeral surge remix of Strike True, cuz gal's dead baby! Jeffrey S. Lodeth Fjord, born in the sword and fan of Bjork.

Jeff actually owns a swan dress identical to the one worn by the Icelandic songstress. Cutter W. High Elf Dandy turned Crick Barcatect, recently built some amazing waterfront properties in a mangrove forest. John S. AKA Super The Mushroom single-handedly saved crack water from Galad's invasion. Ryan M. Hardwan's Ram, who, while being devoured by Hardwan became a rempire, always trying to drink the blood of other Ram.

So now, it's super unpopular amongst the Ram's. What a cruel fate. Elena C. Lydia's bestie in Shadowfell has been instrumental in helping Lydia to forget Elias. Do you, girlfriend? Michael McDee, head mixell, just said the blue man in currently running a drink special for anyone who comes in with galads head keychain. And your M, an obstetrician to all the pregnant stray cats in Bohumia, so pretty much the most heroic hero in a land of heroes. Vittor D. Balnor's boy whose loving dad was ripped from his family and transported to another world. Via portal, wait a second. Who is Balnor really working with?

Justin I, the uberies delivery man that Pentecost abducted to play Mario Kart with him so he doesn't get so lonely. Jacob Cia Frostwin, Necromancer, who absolutely fapped to moonshine eating bugs when they got home later that day. Elena M. An evil Necromancer who bullied Erdan in school for being a good Necromancer. McPucks, the amazing code master who programmed our website, also invented the Lord of Shadow Fells sword that swallows and tortures souls, but again meant for it to be more of a bug extermination thing. Early in Kathleen L, a couple who like Lydia and Elias are reliving one moment over and over inside, glad soared, but luckily for them, the memory that's

replaying is this delicious seaside meal they had in Italy. Jaiji, a wooden puppet that came to life, Benocchio style. Their alignment is good, but they're so creepy that everyone just assumes they're evil. Jostritch, the jock ostrich. Most ostriches can't fly, but Jostritch is so buff they muscle their way into the air. Damn you are, Ram-Bangles evil twin. A thinking of teaming up with Ryan. Now that Ryan has become a Ram-Pi-R. Jennifer V has a even more vicious than Cobbs. Their secret squats, actually. Look out, Bev. You're working on more than just your butt.

DESTANTY, the black smibu crafted galad sword and ironically the first soul to get trapped inside it. To be fair, DESTANT charged way above market rate. Devon be the bodega lord if you're ever on your way to a party and forget to buy beer, make a wish to Devon, and their store shall appear. Sergio Salazar, Salamon Sagarez de Sequoane, 7th of his name, a sexy Peruvian snake folk with sweet snake patterns on his skin. Just between you and me, Sergio's tongue isn't the only thing that's forked. That's right. I'm talking about their tail. They split it so they could put twice as many cool rings on it.

Michael L. Red's more successful sibling, Michael owns an entire fleet of airships, but don't worry, they hate their life just as much as Red. Sam H. Alonis is dealer. Currently crashing out Alonis is place while she's away, and somehow managed to find a way to get her robot high. Traylee the cray-fay who loves to braille, that's right, Traylee polymorphed into a donkey and is he-hawing up a storm. Aren G. Master of the banishment spell.

If you can't find your card keys, chances are Aren banished them. Or they're on the dresser. Answer about 50-50. Jury S. Ajacked Wizard. Jury may not know. Power word kill, but their power clean is killer, so it evens out. Alucard, a reverse Dracula. Alucard has a perfect tan and can never get sunburned.

The moon fucks them right up though. Baby Doc, the only doctor to ever perform their own C section, they were still learning the alphabet at the time, so they just called it a Mee section. Adam H, the most rebellious bullywug in the swamp. Adam once drank an entire bottle of Coke and only flosses four times a day. Ryan, hard ones ram upon Ryan's death, their wool was donated to the shells of Grimhawk who used it to make some incredibly unappetizing mashed potatoes. Big Buck, pregnant elk moonshines, elk and baby, currently on a quest with a group of

horned animal adventures known as the Band of Kara Boobs. Richard F, after falling off Mount Galator on, they were reincarnated as a deep gnome upon realizing this, they willingly threw themselves into the crag water abyss. Richard X Machina introduced the Crick to Toilet Paper or as the Crick folk call it Asnapkins. Troy McSey and anti-paladin charge by Il said himself with the most important task in all of the Nine Hells, pretend to laugh at Akarats jokes. Cannibalistic Gathulu, fortunately for our heroes, Kthulu is allergic to humanoids. They tried them once and barfed ink out of their face tentacles all night.

Sam L. A Halfling who opened Hillhomes first, leaf dispensary. They also sell CBD oil, weed, lambus bread, and arcane gummies. Damm R. A soda genocid. Damm recently started dating a whiskey genocasi and has basically blacked out for a month straight. Josh As the revived cyborg version of Josh the cobalt, Josh eats the same meal every day, seemed broccoli and a lean chicken breast that's been absolutely trench in WD-40. Let's big meat tree owner of the walkers Big Buggard.

Meat tree just brought back the big rib, which is a single wrong dragon rib that costs 4,000 gold. Caleb Storm, Cup Baron, Quartz Grady Hall, also bearer of Quartz air-borne tablets for when Quartz feels a tickle in their mighty throat. Nicholas C has starred in every single movie ever made in Bohemia, currently on location at the Crick film the movie adaptation of the hit musical Me Mamiya. Mike H. The plumber of Iron Deep, when hard one dug deep into the mountain, he actually broke a bunch of Mike's pipes and wrecked all the toilets. Hard one then promised to become Mike's

apprentice as punishment, but then fled for moonstone the very next day. Kevin S. A dragon who got tired of adventures trying to steal their gold gold so they started hoarding adventures instead. Basically a landlord with wings. Matthew E and Esri scientists who invented a vapable version of Crickwater, it killed 37 people in one day and was instantly banned. Samuel B owns a familiar shop in Hill Home. It's like a pet store, but all the animals can comprehend human language. Till for G, author of the hit children's book and movie, Elf Gargos Punch also wrote a cookbook entitled, Alonus Gets the Munchies. Guardian of light, Zach H. Bohumia's only key blade,

wielder, Zach never loses their blade because it's attached to a bright pink lanyard that is seven-faced tall. Curtis S, a lazy dwarf in daddy that always stays inside the hammer, they're currently binging the sopranos, though, so who can blame them? Colton B, a very confused dwarf who thought that the Grey Barbers was an eyes wide shut situation.

Currently, praying no one asks if they know any magic or about the whip they brought. Yen's Christian T, a famous Trinnevalian blogger who recently featured Jens Lindell as the geek of the week in a horrible smear post. Gage M, a mighty dweurger who can defeat any giant rat in battle. Then invite their friends over to a barbecue later. Aaron C. Mama's Papa, not to be confused with Papa, Mama's young and Mama's Papa is Mama's dad.

Montana Monarch, the royal leader of the majestic butterfly folk, natural-born enemies of the Nannerflies. L&D, the fiercest woman in Bohumia, a 12-foot tall Amazon, Ellen makes hard one look like Bev and Bev look like Schubert. TJM, the known barbarian whose brethren were savagely murdered by the bend of boobs in Cragwater. Fucker was the heir to TJ's royal house and TJ promises the last thing moonshine will ever hear as Teehee! R.P. K. K.B. RGD2's less helpful cousin, R.P. K.B. can't fix an X-Wing, but they can call

Pizza Hut for you in order to repent high. Taylor S. AKA, Trash the Traveler, Trash has been all over Moonstone from the hungry trout tavern all the way out to where the bay meets the swamp. Come to think of it, that's actually not very far. Get out more, Trass. Anime intellect, the highest ranking member of the Akatsuki, which besides being in Naruto, is also very much active in Bahumia. Jolo dolo, kid cobalt's mentor, about whom he's written many songs. Joshua C. Mortal anime to Joshua B, when the sun sets on this world and the blood moon rises,

Joshua C and Joshua B will meet on the battlefield to determine the fate of the world. Larissa J saying the Billboard Top 10 hit Song of Rest, which peaked at number 3 and gave everyone listening on their radios an extra hit die during their short rest. Dylan CM the wannabe DM, Dylan was struggling with an encounter so to up the ante they jumped over the table and physically attacked their players. That's not allowed, Dylan. Kelvin Noodles, the pasta elemental, the only elemental that will sprinkle Parmesan cheese

on you while screaming, let me know when to stop! Be money, Bounder's hip hop alter ego, Bounder's remix of Mad World, Bag World, is a bop, so be on the lookout. Andrew A. The tiniest little dwarf at the dwarf anage would be cute if they weren't constantly in fear of being eaten by one of the many rats. J. Legend speak of J.s coming when the gods rain comes and drowns the land, the ocean will rise and consume the earth. Then there will be only J. Heartless Master. Despite their name, Heartless Master is not cruel.

They're simply a master at being Heartless. Their heart fell out and they're doing great. CC Lulu, honor of a popular clothing chain in the nine hells called Lulu Demons. Paul B. Akarat's assistant, Paul is to prep the hollow bodies every morning by ironing their clothes, moisturizing them, and of course, maintaining the ritual that dams their souls do hellfire. Barnes and Ador, the strongest barn in all of Bohemia, what does that mean? Hell of I know.

Shane M. Arrestler down at the crit who went pro and is off to iron deep for their big debut at Dwarggerslam, the pride of the crit. Yes, man, a bone dog that is the arch enemy of Erdance, cat, bubbles, bubbles always gets away, though, because he has men as frequently chewing themselves. Trigger happy, despite their name, Trigger happy practicing safe gunslingin' and even hosts a safety course down at the crypt, then no one has ever attended. Eric G. Totrene, everything he knows knows a high-elf dandy of the highest taste. Jackalope Audity, lead singer of Barfrat,

Pendergrain's favorite new metal band. Zach C. Master of the counterspell, annoyance of everyone across Bahumia, the Feywild, Shadowfell, and honestly the real world. Aiden R, the firstborn child of the high-elf king of Glidehome. Unfortunately, elves lived to be like 1200,

so eight in S to wait a while. Jeremy are the bartending assassin for the SS Stormborn. Jeremy has killed many enemies by lowering them with a poison drink and also killed many friends by accidentally serving them a poison drink. L.E.K., the Werther's Wizard, can summon Werther's originals at will. Luke H. rides a motorcycle around Iron Deab,

which is essentially a big cave, so everyone gets super sick from the fumes, but man is it sick. Ritterin, Kaka's new master, Kaka cries nightly for his old master. Ritterin has taken to wearing a prosthetic beard just so the poor bird will accept food from them. I'm hopeless.

So down on their luck adventurer, who joined the chosen only to goards themselves on expired milk. When I'm hopeless, started puking the chosen banish them for not being able to digest the mother's milk. Timmy R. After tea bagging Pendergast in college, the future dark lord sharpied Timmy in their sleep. Timmy walked around campus with a Pendergast owns brand on their forehead for a semester. Alex Ameland, a long-nome who fights with a pinwheel and has a pink flamingo as a mount,

they also take long rests and a lounge chair by a kitty pool. Cassandra MHP, aka Cassandra Max HP! Cassandra's HP is so high they don't even think twice about adding a second patty on their burgers. Hi, cholesterol ain't no thing when you're never gonna die. Cody John H also lives in a sword, but unlike Hard One's mom has really taken to it. Cody put a throw rug down, bought some votives. It's real nice in there.

Aaron RS, Jen's Lindell's landlord, on their way to deliver an eviction notice because Jen's is absolutely violating his lease by allowing five people to live in there. Lucas B, a drunken monk who is especially lethal because they are too buzz to play darts, do not walk within 10 feet of Lucas, they will pierce you with a dart. Ruben A. A Ruben Sandwich. Ruben may look like an ordinary Ruben, but if you even sniff Ruben's spicy mustard, you're going to have to make a Constitution saving throw because

that shit is dank. Jordan L. A tuba player who performed at Jemma and JV's wedding, their first dance with a very uncouth grind make-out session that went on for what felt like 11 songs. Laura S, a boot who was handy-and-es first love. For a time, they were the it-couple of Bohumia, seem galavanting around town, hand in hand, or rather hand in boot.

Jay Parker, the first player to hit a so-so sick trick, playing the giant shredder game at Smuggler's Bounty, immediately celebrated by setting the record for chugging the most scorpion punch bulls, that record still stands today, one and a half. Austin C, the gesture mage, after watching the security crystals to the maze, he helped design.

He saw his brother and a group of his friends stumble into the maze watching them activate every trap obliterating his minotaur and hearing, hey guys there's spikes in the water and waking up his hydra. He now has to figure out a way to stop them from destroying all his play things yet there's so little knowledge this is only the beginning of their adventure the tricks have just begun for these kids. Austin M.R. aka the butcher known as bone, Austin will carve up their foes and also slice their friends some cold cuts, but be sure to thank Austin. If your manners are bad, Austin will kill you with a

bonso. Just a pissed off Triss aka touch it. The original Triss is the only Triss who felt like the Bear Princess music was more than derivative. He literally plays D.Vaoki, guys. Kaylee, at least the honey queen with a heart of gold. Kaylee invented this saying, get the honey. And since Scott and Rich off of licensing it to Honey Goblins, get the money, Kaylee. Dave J. Bell in the bar to traveling bar that witnessed the moonstone massacre and decided to follow in the wake of the band of boobs, chronicling their exploits and interviewing the few witnesses left behind. Currently sincerely irritating hard one with their catchy little Captain Casper's friendly

ghost ship, Diddy. Kevin, a traveling doggo mancer giving out doggies almost gave one to Erdan until they spied Erdan's skeletal cat and thought better of it. Dev and W, a half-orc who fights with a spork and guessed what their shield is? That's right, just so regular, Sheldon. Chris Age, also running to become the Dark Lord of Shadowfell, has no chance of winning, but is hoping to make a name for themselves by gathering some of the protest vote. Chenua B, front person for the heavy metal band Power Word Kill,

recently had a truly savage show where the entire audience died during the encore. Nick S, aka Old Creek Nick, the strangest guy at the Creek, they use coins as it leaves and truly has not been able to buy gross reason their entire life. Coins just aren't accepted here, bud. Sam A, to Barbarian Burista, who gets thrown into a rage any time they see someone drinking Dunkin' Donuts. Sorry Sam, but some people run on Dunkin'.

Quinn Gia smoothie, Genasi. Quinn is purple and delicious and their greatest fear is an enemy with a long curly straw. Jared E. an artisanal jam maker who proudly bottles the slipperyest jam in Trinneville. Niaq is gripped by fear whenever he smells Jared's wares. Dubia's tray is straight edged to Baxi who named themselves after the one thing they would never try. Get that road to way for me. Kia!

Brian, the reverse deer font with the body and head of a deer and legs of a man. Brian recently got a pedicure so now their legs stand out as extra undere like. Dac Alpha the drunk monk and enlightened drunken master water genocie as-like. Dac Alpha, the drunk monk, and enlightened drunk and master water genocides drunk as Dac gets there never hung over since they're constantly keeping themselves hydrated, way to party responsibly Dac. Her Majesty Claudette. The Crick doesn't recognize royalty, but when Claudette visited, they were given the largest stump in the Crick, and unlimited hours in the timeout sack.

Claudette declined. Carbrow, Chapel Hill FPV, a fur bulb who fights using a nomist drill car instead of a sword, coolest part, the drill car has a gnome in the driver's seat operating the drill. Tea. Persephone, a shadow fell monster who decided not to go through the portal into Bohumia and instead just started looting around shadow fell. Look out Persephone, there's a new sheriff in town. Ma Seven Room, ca 7-Hon.

A ranger so mysterious, it's amazing, we were even able to learn they were a ranger. We can say nothing else about Ma Seven Room, ca 7-Hon. Nothing else is known. And that's it for this week, folks. Thank you so much to our council of elders. Allora, thanks you and Soda's Poloor! All of our Patreon subscribers and all of our listeners will be back next week with another episode. You can go on over to patreon.com slash nadpot to listen to our short rest,

our after show. We'll catch you guys next time. Goodbye, Sweeties. That was a hit gun podcast. guest.