Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 70: Reborn (On the Road Again)

Episode Date: July 26, 2019

The Band of Boobs say their goodbyes to Lydia and finally head back to the material plane! Beverly comes clean, Moonshine confronts her dirty daddy, and Hardwon gets a new lease on life. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content! Get tickets to our upcoming live shows at naddpod.com/live.Music/Sound Effects include:"Dreamy Ambience" by Klankbeeld at Freesound.org."Fire Forest Inferno" by Dynamicell at Freesound.org."Anvil & Steel Hammer" by Benboncan at Freesound.org. "Crackling Fire" by sagetyrtle at Freesound.org."Big Crowd Chatter" by Kyster at Freesound.org. "Trust the Gust" by Emily Axford. "A Fate Refused" by Emily Axford."A Bastard No More" by Emily Axford."The Twinkling Lights of Galaderon" by Emily Axford."Moonshine's Stump" by Emily Axford. "Wish Stones" by Emily Axford. "A Rare Appearance" by Emily Axford."Oh, Melora!" by Emily Axford."A Tale's End" by Emily Axford."The Mountain Meets the Sky" by Emily Axford. "Snake Fight" by Emily Axford. "Beverly's House" by Emily Axford."An Innocent Flirtation" by Emily Axford. "Lucanus Aer'Tea" by Emily Axford."The Thinking Cap" by Emily Axford. "A Miracle Child" by Emily Axford."Mee Maw's Burden" by Emily Axford. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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PAPA at checkout. That's www.atameneve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to the podcast, so be sure to use the code PAPA to get your discount 100% free shipping and get it fast with brush processing. Code P-A-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, Sweeties. Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Welcome back to Bahumia everyone. Bahumia.

Bahumia. I'm your dungeon master Brian Murphy joined by Jake Herwitz. Hard one, Shorefoot. Emily Axford. Moonchind Sabin. Hill Home, Rekker. Oh, nice. Thanks. We guys, you better believe I'm going in there, stern some shit up, it's gonna be springer.

It's gonna be springer up there. And of course, called a little tenor. Beverly Togo, the fifth, a lad who's glad that galads been had. Ooh. Was that a palindrome? Almost. One word off, one letter off.

Cool, you could've just lied to me and said yes and I would've been like, no one would've lied. No one, I would never lie. A plus for my children called the Wall and Emily. I knew. Once again, another solid seed for my son. For my son Jake. I think I want to start getting B pluses. Really?

Yeah, just like the pressure to keep the A plus, it like if I was a B plus all the time, it's easy to get a B plus. I would proud when I was a D. Don't strive for the middle. You're doing well. B pluses in the middle. You don't need it.

B pluses the top. It's a plus. See, it's the middle. You're doing well. People are supposed to be middle. You don't need it. People are supposed to tap. It's a plus. See is the middle. No, see is not actually the middle. It actually is the middle. It's F-D-C. No, because F is so extreme. F is like Yves is yes.

Right? F is extreme and so is A. It sees the fucking middle. That's what if you got all C's, you definitely graduated bottom half of your high school. Definitely. So it's not actually average. Oh, but that's great inflation though.

That's great inflation. You know what? I signed with Jake. It is the middle. It's just great inflation of all these people trying to get into. Hold up. My players are siding against me.

This has never happened before. Literally never happened. All right, guys, let's do a little recap. So last week, you guys went into skies to a gathering of an evil mage cabal called the Grave Robbers with Erdan, the Necromancer, glad addressed the crowd and instructed the mages to begin the mass teleportation of monsters

to Bohumia immediately. The wizard cruise teleported off, but you hid and sprung on Galad when he was alone during the ensuing battle. Hard one was imprisoned in Galad's sword where he joined his mother, the widow in a demi plane of her own personal hell. Watching over and over again as her family was pulled apart by the chosen. Hard one, you saw a vision of your father staying behind while your mother and uncle red escaped with you, but it wasn't quite as heroic as you'd originally heard.

Elias' last stand was less of a necessity and more of a point of pride. He didn't want to abandon his home and he wanted to die with honor. Meanwhile, Bev Munchine and Balnor did battle with Galad who taunted them by projecting images of cities across Bohomia being attacked by monsters. Iron Deep, Frostwin and Hill Home were all being overrun. Back in the sword Demi Plain, Hardwon faced a warped version of the widow who was bound by chains and consumed by her rage. Hard one eventually got through to her,

telling her that she did indeed save the child. In the throne room, the rest of the boobs took the fight to glad while their allies and the material plane did the same. Just as the monsters were closing in on Hill Home, the Crick Elves and High Elves appeared and joined the defense. Back in the sword, hard one had his and High Elves appeared and joined the defense.

Back in the sword, Hardwan had his first real conversation with his mother during the reunion. You saw a crack of lightning deep in the distance, the widow picked up Hardwan and began flying him towards it. As moonshine struck, a devastating blow took a lad on the material plane. She saw an image of the widow and Hardwan emerging from the sword and helped pull them out. Hard one pulled his axe over his head to once again behead glad, but instead, pass it to his mother who did the deed and claimed herself Lord of Shadowfell. Alu.

And that's where we are now. Finally, it's 2019 a female Lord of Shadowfell. Thank you. Thank you. I've been saying that. You Shadowfell. Thank you. Thank you. I've been saying that. You have the widow agrees to do. So you guys all stand in this throne room with Erdan and the widow who now holds the

sort of shadows, this cursed blade full of tortured souls. You can see images of these warped ghostly faces coming off the blade. And behind her is this throne of bone. And behind that is a giant glass window that looks out into the sky and the blood star, this dark red sun that gives the whole area a blood red tint. Widow. Oh, may I call you Lydia? I don't know what your preferences are.

You can call me Lydia Lydia's money. Okay, okay. I don't know. No, may I call you Lydia? I don't know what your preferences are. I want to know. You can call me Lydia Lydia's my name. Okay. Okay. I don't know No, it's okay. I'm so sorry, but I'm a little concerned about the tortured souls inside your sword Yes, I was wondering if that had crossed your mind as well. I hadn't super thought it through I Will certainly need to do some meditation kind of reflect find out who these souls are and I'll release those who are worthy of being released. Pedagreens. A rebuttal. Pedagreens.

You have calmer points. Those people in there are freaking knobs. And, um, I trapped them in there. And, um, if they didn't want to be trapped in a sword, why did they let me hit them with the sword? Okay, Pender Grease. Thank you so much for playing. I think Shadowfell is in the right hand. Yeah.

As much as I would love to go off with you, my son, you see she touches your cheek. I melt. I don't think there's much of a place for me on the material playing anymore. Honestly, I've been whatever it is I am longer than I ever was alive and perhaps I can bring some light to this otherwise gloomy place. Yeah, you know, I I've been on this This quest for so long thinking that I needed to reunite you with dad. I needed to save you and I You know, I'm just happy that you're finally doing

what you want. That's all I want. You see she claps your face, she puts hands on both sides of your cheeks and she pinches you and she goes, in some ways you're so like your father and in some ways you're so much better I Think those are the ways that I'm like you mama She gives you a hug and gives you a big guess This is beautiful I Weep a small tear and I take out picture of me mom look at it from

I weep a small tier and I take out picture of me mom look at it from Lydia I have to say I am actually very very excited to hear that you want to kind of bring some Not necessarily light because it's not like light is better than dark. There's a lot of good things that happen in the dark, but I'm so Excited to hear because it we met these bastards of none and they got they got the short end of a stick. You see she nods and she goes well it seems like I have a lot of work here perhaps I should meet with some of them. I'm not sure of the infrastructure. I don't know if I don't know. I'm not trying to put anything on your plate just yet. Why don't you take some time get used to the plate. By the way

this is my friend Moonshan. We hi, Moonshan, have it. Yes, we did meet one time. I think I was a ogled you and I'm sorry about that. I don't remember you ugly. Okay, she was the thing. It was she ugly. She ugly. Don't forget.

She ugly. Elias, Elias don't be a telltale. Sorry mom. It's okay. Yeah Elias. Jesus. I said I'm sorry. I'm not. I'm not I'm in the she's notching me All right stop nudging stop not again. I get hard on an headlock. I go into a rage and I get Everyone I'm gonna do a strike check against Mooshine. We're time to get advantage cuz you're in a rage 21 and go ahead and do a strike check against Mooshan for time you get advantage, because you're in a rage. 21.

I got a 40 on as well. The roll off. The roll off. Just super intense. It's like one of those stupid fights he get into with your friends, which is like everyone's laughing, but things just keep getting more serious. I only got a 14, but I'm just gonna play.

I got a 15 as well. Oh, my God, it's getting so heated, but it's a stupid wrestling. Joe, a joke fight, because everyone laughs. Oh my god. 19. I got a 19, I got a 15 plus. This is insane.

This is the most even fight of all. You guys are just wrestling back and forth. Hard one gets out of the headlock and tries to take moonshine down, but she sprawls and gets down and gets him in the headlock again. And then moonshine down, but she sprawls and gets down to get some of the headlock again And then hard one picks her up and starts running her like towards the window and the widow grabs you all right children Stop bring it up. She's sorted it. I

Like look at hard one with like a crazed look in my eyes, but like a little bit of confused respect What are you guys doing? I think like Balnor and Bavar just like looking at each other and being like, what is happening? That's not really, that's Balnor. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you under different circumstances. When I was a revenant, I was kind of consumed by my goal, by trying to find

glad and kill him. So I wasn't in a way. I didn't have, I wasn't of right mind, so to speak, but now I feel better than I have in a long time. Yeah. Well, you look radiant. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm really sorry again. I wouldn't have known you That's you keep telling me right yeah, she's kind of always on ogle. Yeah She's on auto ogle So I don't suppose I could Convince you all to stay and just kind of be my queen's garden. I'll just kind of hang out here in Shadowfell and That sounds fun if I had not been given a truly horrific sort of a matinee screening of what was going on on the display playing during that fight, I would be mighty tempted by that.

Yeah, you see Erdan speaks up and he goes, this was the first official battle of what I believe will be a long war to come. Y'all, I gotta say, we gotta go fuck up, Dialla. Yeah, she's kinda gone off the deep end. Like, I'm just hitting myself for those early days where we even thought she had maybe an inkling of a good idea. The world changed. You can't blame yourself.

I was in love with the trist once and it really fucked me up actually. Yeah, that's pretty much the same. I think so. Yeah. You see Erdan walks over to the big glass window in the back of the room. He looks out and he goes, looks like the portals still opened. I could direct us to Hill Home or I wouldn't mind getting to Hill Home and connecting with the headmaster at my university. You see

he avoids Moon Shines Gaze. I guess I kind of equally avoid it. But under my breath, I'm like, I know what you're fucking saying. What's everyone looking at? Is it that sconce? Yep, it's that sconce. Wow, wow, the detail. We're just sconce. That one, can you fly up to it?

I want to see what those bones are. Not good enough. Tell my mom. Keep picking on me. What if I call you Ellie? Yeah, call me Ellie do it see what happens I'll tell my mom she's a fucking Lord of Shower. I Will have to banish you if you'll raise my son Everyone on the ship was called the Captain Jasper. I would they will they will pay for it with with their blood

Hard one from one mom is boy to another, put her there. I love my mom, I give them a hug. This is my mom, mom too. Bring it in. Here's, hit it for mom. Hit it for mom. Okay, so this portal's open. We don't know how long it's gonna be open.

So I feel a bit of a fire beneath my cheeks to get through there. However, I'm a little concerned about just chucking hard while I'm through. I don't know unless you're not scared, hard one. Well, the scuba suit is 75% done. Real. Yeah, pop-off.

How is the scuba suit? Could we pivot and turn the scuba suit into an umbrella? Scumbrella. A scumbrella. Scumbrella. Pop-up just like shakes his head. Real. Real.

He pulls out his little sketchbooks. Riew, riew. Papa, riew. Get over here. You fell in that battle. This was my son's first fall. Get over here. He starts crying again.

He's a mama's boy too. Okay. I put him into my overall bin and I look at Bev and I say, I think the Scoob-A-Soo is on hold right now. Okay, well, we'll put it back in the archives. Okay. Hard one, are you okay with going to Hill Home? I know that Iron Deeps in trouble too.

Yeah, you know, I would love to stay here and be your Queen's Guard, Mama, but I feel like I gotta kick the all of this ass with my friends. And I feel like we gotta go to a hill home right now. Yeah. That's the best way to help iron deep too. Why don't we just, we go there.

And if we arrive and it's a sunny day, we shove you in the bag of holding and beat feet towards shade. Awesome, I could use a tuna sandwich. Yeah. Okay, should I go in the bag or? Should we just put you in your coffin? Why don should we just put you in your coffin? Why would you put you in your coffin?

Coffin inside the bag of holding yeah, you can do that all right well Well, I'm gonna say by my mom You're okay, so your friends are putting you in a coffin inside of a bag? This happens all the time This is absolutely standard I want to tie a glad's head to my mom's waistband. Oh This happens all the time. Right, this is absolutely standard. I want to tie a glads head to my mom's waistband. Oh, this looks fantastic.

It looks bad, mom. It's really great to share this moment with you. And do we have, I have a scrying dagger? Yeah, so I gave you those scry daggers. That you made with Rosalene, right? Yeah. Here you go. I'm gonna hand my mom a scry dagger.. That you made with Rosalene, right? Yeah. Here you go. I'm going to hand my mama a scry dagger.

She takes it from you. I'll call you every day. Hard one. It's kind of a one-way street. It means I'll spy on you every day. I'll spy on you every day, ma'am. OK. Oh, if it's scrying, I can just accept that you're doing it on me

and I'll know that the spell is being cast, and I can write you little messages and stuff. That sounds absolutely perfect. Right. You know, you should also check out Grimhawk. They have a soup on a plate. I don't know. Oh, there. Interesting. That's like one of their things. Wow. We got some friends over there.

It was surprisingly fine. You're gonna have an awesome time here at Shadowfill. I'm gonna come back and visit as long I can do that, right? Well, you know, don't come back and visit as long I can I can do that right well, you know Don't come back here dead, but I I'll figure out a way to contact you once I get the hang of the sword and the hang of this title It's easy. You just have to you just have to have a bunch of goblin stab you. You heard it here I'll get stabbed by a bunch of goblins and I'll visit yeah, I love you mom. I love you son She gives you big hug and a big kiss and she goes I Know you'll do great things gives you a big hug and a big kiss. And she goes, I know you'll do great things and you'll pave your own way.

You know, your father and I, we created the name, Stormborn together. Those aren't our last names. We really, when we got together, we decided that, you know, we flew around in these airships, we went on our own adventures together and we met our own identities. Just like me. That's why I go by short foot. Yeah. I'm an amazing climber, Bob.

What was your last name before? It was Lynette before. And your father didn't know his parents, but he was going by Elias Skyward. It was super dorky. I probably won't ask him. Yeah, no, he would, honestly, he might beat you up if you ever meet him and mention Elias Skyward. That there's part of me that gets that from him for sure. For sure. Yeah. Well, until we meet again, you,

it sounds like you have grand plans. You let me know when you need my sword and my soldiers. We will. Absolutely. And before I leave, I just, I was kind of, I was kind of resigning myself to the idea that I may have to take over Shadow fell. So I had pop-up right up a couple of ideas I had about how to sort of turn the place a little more positive.

So pop-up, you want to hand those over? Me, me, me, me, pop-up goes me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me copy, a hand or a legible version. Thank you so much. Yes, ma'am, may the Bloodstar guide your judgment? Oh, I, you know what? I might start saying that. Yeah. Oh, may the Bloodstar guide your judgment feels good. Yeah. All right. It's a cool slogan. Yeah, put that on a bumper sticker. Yeah, that's for once you guys are started doing like a tourist outreach, kind of moment. Yeah. Yeah., yeah, we're gonna turn this place around. I'm gonna make you proud up there. Now I have to go into my coffin and get inside of that, right?

But be who you are, Elias. Peace out, mom. Yeah, oh boy, you, this is Skyward all over again. Cool, so you guys say your final goodbyes to Lydia, and you descend the stairs through the secret entrance, through which you entered the castle. You reach the elevator and the heat hits you again. You're in this giant hell forage.

You see that there are some monsters still working, so just wanna stay living, to stay in Shadowfell. They don't need to, they don't have unfinished business. They don't need to live somewhere else. These will end up being, you know, Lydia's minions. I give them the kind of like, how's it going, nod? You do when you're like walking the dog and then there's somebody else in the other street walking the dog.

Yeah, they do, they do a real cartoonish. It's a living. Clinton's on style. Technically not. I get paid and how much I love the work. Papa did put in start paying the minions into the paperwork. Yeah, I think it's important. Right now they're working for tips and I just think that ain't right. I don't even know what it is.

I can't follow the minions. Oh, thank you so much. Never had this happen before. Wow. You people are you people are too much. Yeah, keep it up. Where if I unloaded? So you guys see the elevator is still there, but the giant Hulk that was like pulling it is no longer there. But Erdan summons this giant It looks like a giant mage hand, but it is the spell Big Bees hand It is a stronger kind of mage hand and it begins pulling the chain for you guys and you guys begin descending

Down through the forge until you guys reach a platform near the bottom It is one stop higher than the sea level through which you entered. You can surmise that this stop will take you to Lower Ember Heaven near where the bridge is and where you can enter the city. So the elevator creaks to a halt. And you walk off through a dark tunnel with a light in the distance, but not the normal kind of soft,

red daylight that is typical of a shadow fell afternoon. There are streaks of red and orange that move in waves. You can assume this is coming from the portal. So as you guys exit the tunnel, your eye is immediately drawn to this massive gate at the archway of the bridge. It has a black center, like a giant black hole, and it's surrounded by this fiery red and orange ring of arcane energy that licks the air. It's so big and powerful that you feel drawn into it as if it's kind of affecting the gravity around you. You see some little pebbles and rocks moving next to you. And Erdan looks at you guys and he goes,

any last thoughts before we jump in there? Can you do a cannonball? I don't see why not. I'm gonna go for a Jackknife. Yep. Everyone do performance checks as they jump into the portal. I'm just swan diving to my coffin. Erdan's gonna go for a can opener.

14, he did pretty good. Pretty solid can opener from Erdan. You see he jumps forward, jumps into the black hole, holds one foot back, other leg straight, and goes, woo! I'm 11 for my Jackknife. 11 for your Jackknife, moonshine, you get way too much torque,

and you're neck and yell out as you get sucked into the portal. It's gonna be a 14 on the cannonball, 14 pretty solid cannonball, tight and low, you just, you know, you don't have that weight to make a big arcane splash as you go through. That's unfortunate. You see Bev goes through and there's almost like a liquidity to the like black hole and you see it just doesn't make a very big splash on When Bev goes there a hot. Yep, just a little blue. I had a 19 on my swan dive. Oh Beautiful swan dive only Boundor is around to witness it. You hear him doing a small gasp

And how beautiful it is. And then, Boundor Cannonball's in after you. House Boundor is Cannonball. You guys don't see. Immediately he gets in, he goes, I got a huge splash gang. I got to teach me how, Boundor. So you guys are just screaming this over just like

shrieks of arcane noise. You guys enter the portal and it's the strange sensation because you are physically shooting forward, but it feels like you're falling. You just have absolutely no control over your body, just flying at maximum velocity through this strange subspace tunnel, just black and orange and red energy all around you.

You're all in this group around each other. range, subspace tunnel, just black and orange and red energy all around you. You're all in this group around each other. And ahead, you see that the tunnel widens and forks into separate paths and each individual path looks like it has a mini portal with swirling energy. You see Erdan holds his hand up to cast a spell that forces you all together with a push of telekinetic energy and aims you towards the portal on the far left. You shoot through the gate and the energy around you goes from red to orange to bright yellow until finally it's white and you feel yourself slipping away until you lose consciousness.

Oh no. You awake, you feel a warm spring breeze. The green leaves of beautiful, healthy trees sway overhead. Nearby there's a babbling brook. You can see beautiful mountain ranges in the distance with snow covered tops. Bev, you recognize this to be home home when you would like visit here in the summer and such. You guys shuffle around as you get up except for hard one who is in his coffin inside the bag. So hard one, you might just think you're dead. You're just like, you went unconscious inside a coffin, you woke up in pitch blackness.

But the rest of you guys, Bev, you kind of shuffle around as you get up, disoriented. You see that balnor, moonshine, and urdan are there with you. And you move around some leaves as you're kind of propping yourself up. And you see that hidden under some foliage is a teleportation circle. These ritualistic markings about 20 feet in diameter in this hidden spot of the forest

meant to direct monsters to Hill Home. So you guys are in this forest. You see mountains to one side of you and on the other side, you guys hear people. You hear like a little bit of a commotion. I look to that side. Sweet, go ahead and make a perception check. Shout out to the two crew. Still a little woozy from the teleportation. I think I probably landed pretty hard on my tailbone from that cannonball. I don't see much. You don't see anything because the woods here

are pretty thick. You know that your dad used to like take you out into the woods like hunting and like fishing and things like that out here. You know you're probably not too far from the town because the monster's got into the town right quick. Moonshine, go ahead and give me a perception check. 23. Moonshine, you hear that there's some celebrating.

It sounds like maybe it's not, it doesn't sound like anybody's in direct peril. It doesn't sound like monsters are still there. Okay, yeah, I think there's celebration happening. Oh, that's great. I mean, we could go join them, but I feel like we should figure out what to do with hard one.

Let's take care of what we need to take care of first. I don't want anyone to be unnecessarily spooked. I think we want to go in with our best hearts and our best faces forward. Okay, I will just get in this coffin and reincarnate him right here now. The hell yeah. Oh shit sis.

Oh my god. Let's do it. So let's find a nice shady place. Just in case I go in there, reincarnate him, he comes out as a vampire. Yeah. And I've been out. A vampire to Centaur. Yeah. Um, and I think- A vampire of Cintar.

Ow. One could only dream. I think I'll crawl into the coffin. Okay. And, uh, begin my ritual. Sweet. Um, Bev, would you like to aid in the ritual in any way? Absolutely.

I think Balnor and I are on either side playing like Tito drums. Great. Um, so it's just like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. I think I crawl in there. I look almost like, I look like almost like a serpentine as I crawl in. And as I crawl in, all of my clothes are like forced off my body because that's how I work with my

Laura. That looks away. I heard you think you've died. And suddenly Moonshine crawls in your coffin, make it. So, you can go to the shower? You think you've died and suddenly Mojang crawls in your coffin make it It's happening you ready This is my first time This is my first time. Hahaha. Hahaha.

Hahaha. I think I say, you had, I didn't think that you'd even re-incarnate before. I know, I was just doing a joke. Hahaha. Hahaha. After this. Hahaha. Um, and then I think that I make, I make like really sensual eye contact.

Hahaha. Put down my eyes without breaking eye contact, like roll back in my eyes. Without breaking out contact, like roll back into my head. She can speak in tongues. Yeah, I can start speaking in tongues. You still read Karni, right? Can I pray to Palore to aid in this makeover? Yes.

Cool. You want to do a religious check? Yeah, go ahead and make a religion check. That's in that 20 As you pray to pull or to kind of help with this ritual you see that light kind of swells around you And it's almost like taken from the sky. It's almost like Polo is like a proving of you helping your friend here.

Like he's making it a little bit more hospitable for him out here. It gets like a little darker. Like the sun starts to set a little faster. Even in the absence of light, true light can be found. All right, and then with my eyes rolling back in my head, kind of ravin' but like snake, like not even sexy,

castry and car-nate. Okay, so you guys are in this coffin. Moonshine is writhing like a snake. Balnor and Bev have no idea what's going on. I guess they assume they're hooking up. We're just playing Drone and Droky to jump in. Is this part of it? I don't know, just go and just keep playing the drums.

Erdan's just like over on the side. This is definitely not part of it. We got you a drum, Erdan. I'm gonna go look for birds. He starts to lock up. You guys inside the coffin. He doesn't find any birds. Yeah, I know, I want to know more about birds. You guys inside the coffin. He doesn't find any boots.

Yeah, I know, I want to know more about the birds. Let me roll a nature check for Erdan. Nine, he just, just a seagull. It steals his lunch. Oh sure, he's gonna find coffee. Oh no. What was he having for lunch? He stole a tuna sandwich from Baleno.

Hey, put that back. I knew he was bad. At least you could do his drum. So you guys inside the coffin, and you can hear the drums beating from the outside. And it starts to get quieter, and quieter, and quieter, until it sounds like Bevin Boundore have either stopped playing, or they're not there anymore Yes, you guys are just you guys are just in the pitch black right now in this coffin

I'm here if you need me. I'm here, but I think my part. I think I said it in motion, but now it kind of goes on its own I Start riding like a snake. You start riding. I ride again. You guys both ride like a snake and you guys ride so much that you, you, you ride so much that you bump the top off your coffin. And you see that the world around you, much like when you were in that strange, demi, sort of in between plane when Melora healed the crick, outside, once again, looks like an oil painting.

So all like the yellows and the greens and the browns of the forest have all combined and all the edges are kind of smoothed. You see that beven bouncer there as well just kind of looking around and wonder. Laura? You hear a voice in the distance go. Moonshine Sibon, I thought you didn't believe in me anymore. And you see, Molora begins walking towards you. She's this extremely tall, ancient, fey goddess. Her ears are super long.

Go up way over her head. She has very sharp features. Sparkling blonde hair. The greenest eyes you've ever seen. And this giant green long bow that crackles with arcane energy. And she looks good. Oh, am I? Yeah. Lately, you've been saying that you could do a lot of things on your own. Melora, the way that you work is beautiful, but it is not the most. Well, you don't cuddle those who love you.

And there's something great about that, but in my weaker moments, sometimes I want to be coddled. You see she nods, and she goes, you know my feelings on the natural order of things. I know. Sometimes you're the predator, sometimes you're the prey. Yeah. Too true. God, I love you.

You might have if I get that. That's like a ribcage tattoo. What you like me to give you a ribcage tattoo. Yeah. I know today isn't about me, but hard ones, you might have just real quick get a ribcage tattoo from Meloora.

Honestly, I forgot that I'm even here. You guys look at hard one and you see that he is now a spirit. He has a ghostly form, sort of a bluish hue, and you can see through him. Ben, thanks, Captain Casper, but doesn't say it. Hahaha. Munchain, minor illusions, a banana peel in front of Bev. Hahaha.

Careful, Bev. And you see, I'm on his right. Mollora does inscribe the sometimes you're the predator, sometimes you're the prey, but why is words of the goddess onto your rib cage? It looks super trashy and hot. That's very cool. It's also glow in the dark.

It's my family change. Yeah. It's glow in the dark. It's just awesome. Malora, I am so sorry, the smallness in me came before you and and I just I wanted to just be around you But today is actually about my friend hard one and I need a need your blessing to allow him to Transcend occurs

She nods you see she walks over to Hard one the spirit. And she says to you, there's no shame in death. Death is a natural part of life. Yeah, I'm down with death. I've been hanging out with moonshine for a long time. But I just got some shit that I had to finish up first.

Well, I normally don't like to interfere with the natural order of things, but- But I just got some shit that I had to finish up first. Well I normally don't like to interfere with the natural order of things, but... S is your way, my queen. You see she grabs you by the shoulder and she goes, no queens, no kings. Yes, ma'am. No, don't listen to me, but do, but don't, if that makes sense. God, you're so easy. You're freezing, I love it. Oh, I got to love it.

Ah! I'm so sorry, no one like me. This must be a weird Bible. What are we doing here? Just play cool, Palnaur. Malargo is in this situation, where someone has been cursed by something unnatural. I can help you.

Many warriors throughout the ages have perished to the elements, how in nature their spirits have passed, but I have preserved their bodies for cases like this. They all lie intact in the same place they met their death. You see she waves her hand and you see several projections pop up, one of a block of ice on the side of a mountain covered in snow, another at the bottom of the sea, a jungle, etc. Just all of these landscapes, these treacherous landscapes were warriors died long ago. And she goes now to speak

to the spirits and find out which one would loan their body to your cause. She holds her hands up, her eyes glow green, and she begins shaking and speaking in tongues, writhing like a snake in her clothes. As is the way of Malona. She looks possessed. You see ghosts are literally swirling out of her. They're like coming out of the projection. You see her like in a flash speaking to all of these different spirits. Kind of this crazy dance of ghostly projections. Finally, she goes back to normal. She blinks and she looks at you hard one and she goes, I have some good news.

There is a warrior willing to give you their body. It's not a boot, is it? Hard one, go ahead and roll. You're reincarnation check. And I will say we had said in the past that we would let you roll with advantage, essentially roll two and pick the one that you like more. We will definitely be allowing that because Bev got a nat 20 for Polaroid to help.

Peck, yeah. Bev, you see in the one projection of the sea, you do see the big Kahuna surfing a big wave. Oh, the buff king himself. That will say. Does he let you call him a king? Absolutely, and he has a king. And we stand up. I kind of like that she won't let me call him a king? Absolutely, and he has a king. And we stand up.

I kind of like that she won't let me call her queen, but she is my queen. He is king, he is dad, he is all in one, and he is rad, and he is fun. No dad's no masters. So for everybody at home, the reincarnation spell is gonna allow hard one to roll and be given a new body. Be cured of his vampirism, but his current body will just turn to ash and go away.

We have made a custom table because there were a few character races that would make hard one quit the show like Halfling. You just want to be a Half Link? Just rude. Honestly, just rude. I have to be tall. We did have no moon here. We did leave no moon here just for it to be to have. Just in case I need to be punished for eliminating Half Link. So we did add some things from Volos Guide and a few other of the expansion races. So hard one has a potential of coming back as a gnome and iron deep dwarf a frost wind dwarf a

Genasi a high elf a Crick elf an Asimar a half-elf a half-work a Goliath a human or a Teflik It's quite a list and I'm allowed to use my luck points to To roll five times right? I would maybe let you use it once if you roll real bad and you beg me. If you use it at luck point, does he get to roll with advantage again? Because of Polar. Polar's still surfing. Polar's still surfing both the tides.

Still push it. I'm already done. I'll then roll you 50 bucks like it. I'm already mad at her. I'll then leave 50 bucks. Jake, I'm so mad. Leave. Roll. I believe I rolled a one. And that is a no.

Oh my god. Indeed. And indeed. 37. 37. 37. Malara goes, all right.

Well, shall I take you to him? Oh yeah, let's do it. Where as you would say, I don't care. Ha ha ha. Oh my God, that was so good. How are you making a really good impression? I love this. I do a really bad wink at my chin. Ha love this. I do a really bad wink at my child. I do a really bad wink back.

You see, she takes your hand, and even though you're a ghost, you feel her touch, and she grabs you, and she pulls you into one of these windows, the one of a sea. You see choppy waters. You don't see land anywhere. Are you becoming a murf oak? I'm a murf oak and a bully bug. I'm not a bully bug scoop a suit. You see she takes you and she pulls you into the sea and

You're not swimming. You're both gliding down to the ocean floor. I take Bebs hand as we watch this. Are we watching this? Can we see this happening? Yeah, oh? I take Bebs hand just quietly And she goes, this warrior never felt like he belonged. He was different than the people he grew up with, and he left his hometown to find adventure. And unfortunately, he was killed during a battle at sea.

He was shot with an arrow and fell into the ocean and drowned here. Like you, he was torn between two worlds and never really felt at home. He was a half-elf. She gestures to some sand at the bottom of the sea. And you see this perfectly preserved half-elven warrior down here. It does still have like an arrow in his ribs, but his body is preserved. All right, yeah. When your slots look a little thin, but I can't.

You might have pressed the calves real quick. You go, you press the calves, he seems pretty strong. Alright, I think I've got some work to do. That's sure, this is a fixer upper. When I spoke to him, I told him your story, and he said that you found an adopted family, that you found love with the Crick people. Yeah, the family you choose. She nods and she goes, he had hoped to one day make it to the Crick somewhere where he could be accepted. The Cricks are beautiful place in there. I can bring them there. I'm going to introduce you to the mayor

about the fucker. Hard one, your spirit flies into this body. You see Melora picks it up, pulls him out of the sea, and brings half-elf hard one into this Demi plane with all you guys. You guys see from the outside this Handsome little bit more pretty boyish, but still has a little bit of that human edge. How's the V looking? V is very vicious. So the body begins taking on some of hard ones own traits and kind of becomes halfway between this half-elven man and the old hard one. You see, he still has the beard, the human half of them allows him to have a beard. It's less of like a big... Elf with a beard? Shut up! You cloned up! Fuck you! Fuck you! Garze you'd be incarnate!

I'm strong! It's less of a shaggy kind of like hard one had a big fucking Viking beard and this is much more of like a well maintained beard.ained beard. Oh, it's tight. Yeah, it's a very... I'm gonna need you to cast major illusion on this that everyone's in a while. So when you clean cut, it's got Robinhood kind of look. But yeah, hard one now has the pointed ears of a half elf or somebody with Elven blood, his eyes shine a little bit brighter. He's just overall prettier.

Thanks, dude. Oh, would you say, what? I think he's still hot. Would you say he's a little more feminine? I would say. I'm really in shine shutters. I'm really in shine shutters. And hard one.

I think it feels a little bit better about the mass that he lost. Hard one you wake up in this body. Oh, Jesus, my pants are loose. I just, yeah, I don't, you immediately Hard one you wake up in this body. Oh Jesus my pants are loose Yeah, I don't you immediately just put on your old clothes And you see your vampire body has turned ash do you want us to save that or no? Good yeah, we could put it in a vial like wear it as a as a necklace. I'm a custom wearing folk in my jewelry. That's true. I would be honored to be a belly chain for you.

Okay, I put it in a vial and add it to the belly chain. Okay. You see, Melora looks at you, hard one, and she goes, I hope that you honor the warrior spirit and you've returned him to the Crick. I promise you, I will. I know you don't like to get involved, Melora, but I appreciate what you've done for me. Chey nods.

You're my queen, bye. No queens, no dads, no masters. She throws up a piece of mine. And she starts walking away and you guys, whatever I love you're the queen. You guys appear back in the whole home forest, hard one, as a half-hell. Okay.

Okay. My freaking goddess, this has been like, we have been waiting for this and stressing about this for so long. And now it's here and somehow you look hotter? Yeah. You really think so? I just feel like I lost a lot.

We're gonna have to do these squats every morning, Beverly. This is all the more reason to do squats. Yes, twice a day. We're gonna do two a day. We're going to two a days. You see Erdan walks back to the teleportation circle with two birds on each arm And he looks up and he goes oh the birds freak out and fly away. Oh, you lost a lot of weight a lot or just

Yeah, you can tell Emotional ways what Erdan means. Yes. Now it's denser. I could tell that you were drinking blood before whereas now you eat normal food Oh, man hold on Grab some food out of the back I'm gonna some a cook water. Oh, I hope and hope the great water It gets you fucked up just like it used to I smash my forehead against moonshine Hey, if I was gonna come back as anything. I'm proud to come back as happy you. I got to be honest, you look good. Thank you, Mucia. I couldn't have done it without you.

Thanks for calling on you, God. Thanks for, thanks for fucking bringing me back. I'm glad my queen delivered. She really did. I'm glad you did. But also, I saw Polora surfing in the sky, so Bev get in here. Oh, 10, baby. Without Polora, that dude would have been a gnome

I'm gonna fucking kill myself. Oh easy. You're gonna say anything But yeah, you look good, man We saw Polora surf and and then just kick the gnome spirit away was wild But also he gave Molora the most like I'll see you later girl You don't like there was kind of a's something going on between the two of them. And it's like, the sexual tension between the two of them is like a miss. Pellar kept his distance though.

Dude, that wasn't. Yeah, I think honestly. My fault, was it? No, no, no, no. I think it's Melora. Melora. Oh, sure, yeah. She's got a bit of a.

Not answering his phone calls. Yeah, I think she kind of plays with you a little bit And it like feels really good, but also a little fucked up. Yeah, I know I could see Polaroid not wanting to get like to attached Exactly hard hard one. We will need to change your stats a bit We can handle that later, but just know that your your body feels a little different. Yeah. You have higher charisma. Can we test it out? I will cast just so you know, I take them aside, Bev, you can come to this too.

Oh, thank you. Just so you know, if things ain't working out, I'll try it again. We just keep on killing them. Well, I'm just trying to say, this is a big thing, and I just want to say I'm here for you. That's all I'm trying to say. I feel like it's easy. You're just getting a coffin, and then you come thing, and I just wanna say I'm here for you, that's all I'm trying to say. I'm really busy.

You're just getting a coffin, and then you come out someone else. I've died enough, I think. Okay, you look great. I've never felt prettier. Oh, I've passed me a crawfish. Oh yeah, this one's mostly brown stuff. So, I think all of you guys have not seen

the actual sun in a long time. You guys have not seen like the actual Sun in a long time like you guys have been out Blanket yeah, it's it's gorgeous here The caboose is here and hard one you straight up. I mean you thought maybe you would never see the sun again Yeah, I love not killing animals. I'm so relieved. I thought for sure you'd come back as like a goliath and have a really nice spirit about it, but I would see a little bit of sadness in you. This is how I've seen myself, you know?

Oh, that's great. I've always been half-elf ever since I've been a chef. Oh. Hey, let's test that body out, huh? Beverly goes in Grapples' home in grapples him. Oh, shit Hard one go ahead and do an acrobatics check 13 what you get it? It's a natural 20

Bev fucking kicks your ass. It's fine, you should've seen this first time on Warheel. Okay, Bound over, hand me my coffin. I'll do a coffin. No, you got it. You got to just get used to the body, man. I'm sorry, yeah, you're just saying you used to it. You got to get used to it, dude. I just...

I'm used to it. Give me the coffin. Bev, did you need to go that hard, dude? I'm sorry. Did you need to go that hard on him? I just thought... I don't know. I just hit.

Actually. I think Bev doesn't know his own strength. He's a young grown boy. He's got a lot of crick water. Yeah, Boundor, pass me my hammer. Oh. Don't worry, babe, it's not about you. Let's, um, Boundor reaches in the bag, pulls out the Queen's hammer and hands it to you.

You grab it and it does not reject you. Is there a babbling brook nearby that we can heat up? Oh, I'm on it. I'll take my hands in the water and I can't control water. I call my d'Orvon daddy. Yes. You see three d'Orvon spiritsge. I had the one, you never call anymore. Where have you been? I was, I was trying to find it. Some people, the person stole the hammer. Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry about that. I was a vampire, but no.

Look at me, I'm a half-elf. Look at you, you beautiful boy. Starting Steve Carell. There you go. Yes. We watched that. We watched a lot of movies in the hammer. It's, oh, you have hot tub here. That's why I called you.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm making a hot tub for y'all. You are now beautiful inside and out. Your door of a daddy's kiss you. And they get in the hot tub. Yeah, so good to relax. I mean, we relax in the Amazon. Yeah, it's something you guys just watch for some.

We pretty much just watch Flix, but it's good to just get some air. Him are very dark, very just sit there. He likes to watch Big Bang Theory. Oh, man, I'm so sorry. There's not my fault, it's cool. I did a bath bomb and I put it into the, a homemade one. It just started sparkling.

There's egg horns in it and dirt. This is crick-bomb. Yes. Crick-bomb. Very strange, very good. I love you, either app. I love you, either app. You're like just crod ads or just floating up to the surface dead

Oh, I'm slinging it back Well, I could try to I tried the one I see you reach a stand and somehow feel hot tub But the cannot eat the crawfish. It doesn't not make any sense. I did not know the rules are weird rules are weird Oh, y'all I feel so relieved it's good to have you back Yeah, it's real to have you back. Yeah, it's real nice to be here. And you, you three. Yes, always a pleasure.

Good to be back. Yes, been gone for a long time. This is one big tub. One big tub. One big tub, all right, bye. I'm not putting it in. I put on a modest one piece. After having just gotten so new.

Yeah. She was naked when we showed up and now she's in the water and is wearing more clothes. Well, you know, we're sharing a hot tub. There's a hygiene issue. Yes, that makes sense. Yeah. Dirty in the hammer.

Yeah. Everything's a bathing robe. So you guys take a little time. You guys kind of relax. And you hear the voices that you had heard celebrating kind of dying down a little bit. And Erdan walks over. He's just been kind of weirdly watching you guys from the corner, kind of brand stark style. And he goes, perhaps we should survey the damage.

Oh yeah. I think so. So this is real time. We're showing up and they just finished fighting. So it would seem we should go confirm that. Yeah. Let's go check it out. Daddy's back in the hammer.

All right, the go back in. You want towel off first? Yeah, I'm pruning a little bit. Yeah, a lot. You know what that might do? That thing for a second where you like sit on the edge of the hot tub and you just kind of to go back in. You want towel off first? Yeah, I'm pruning a little bit. Yeah, I love. You know what, that might do that thing for a second where you like sit on the edge of the hot tub and you just kind of put your feet in. Right, just kind of cool off.

Just cool off. There's a lot of great steep growth flicks inside the hammer. Oh, is that the right thing? There's a lot of good, there's a lot of good recommendations. Yeah, welcome to Marwin for sure. Oh, interesting.

You know, I gotta say, I gotta say, what's that movie crazy crazy stupid love Sexual chemistry between Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling is quite enjoyable interesting To sexy people having chemistry having chemistry it's a Correl also very likable. We like him. Fox catcher is a really interesting role to check You have not seen a fox catcher look He did not want to a smack the ghost of bronze beard. He did not want to smacks the ghost of Bronzebeard. He did not want to watch Fox Ketcher. Well, you said they wanted...

Big bag there y'all there. He wanted to watch date night, which I like Steve Carell, so we've kind of went from the middle there. Happy comp, right? We thought it was fine. You guys gotta get a second account. Yeah.

We only have one TV. So, you know. No, you can set up set. You can set up multiple accounts on one TV. Oh, did really? Yeah, I think it was fucking erect ones. Oh Really, yeah, you're right. You're I'll come in tomorrow No, no, that sounds weird, but then like a bad way not in the way that the bath bomb was weird Well, we're going back into the hammers. Oh, yeah, cool. Yeah, no you guys go your way on my worth

Well, we're going back into the hammers. Oh, yeah, cool, yeah, no, you guys go your way on the whole my way. Ha, we have a lot of friends that live in stuff. Yeah. Ghost goes back in the hammers. God, it makes you, it makes you not look at objects the same way again. Yeah, never.

Everything you're like, is a human soul lurking in there? Chances are good. By the way, Peter, that was super desperate, man. Was it? Yeah. Was it obvious? I can't cross that way. Did she employ there with a good thing going on over here.

I thought maybe we could have like a friend situation I could be showing you. Three of them, one of you. Yeah, that's unfair. Yeah, give me a buddy, right? Okay, I'm gonna keep an eye out for a buddy for you. You let me know if we're interacting with someone that's like totally vibing with you.

But also deserves to be trapped in a belly change. Let me know. We should odd couple him. We should find someone that will improve them. Okay. Here's the thing. Yes, we need someone that we don't mind trapping in a belly

change. Sure. So there's like, they got to kind of suck a little bit. Hard one looks at Erdan. Yeah. Are you sure you're not a vampire? You're looking at me like you have some malicious intent. I think you just impressed.

We gotta use to my new eyes. Yeah, he's just impressed by how good you are at finding birds. I am quite good at finding birds. All right, Erdan. Lead us to this celebration. You guys begin, you follow Erdan. You exit the forest and you see this quaint little town not unlike the shire. Oh, you're in halfling country baby. You see

rolling hills of green grass with these hobbit hills built into the side of them with round doors, gardens with pumpkins and other vegetation, lemon trees and orange trees. You see a bunch of little farms and farmhouses, pens and areas for cows and other animals to graze. They don't see many of them out. They were likely hidden away in barns and stuff during the battle. You do see that while the town seems mostly intact, that there is a path of destruction. You see a line of smoldering homes that have been burned down. You see crops have been trampled,

a few barns have been destroyed. This looks to be the area that the halflings had evacuated and pulled back to lower the monsters to the airship and the waiting elves. Beverly looks to see if the graphic scroll shop has been destroyed. I'll roll up your luck check. Oh, it's a 10.

A 10? Uh-huh. It's smoldering, but it looks like it's standing. And in fact, there's nobody there right now. It's evacuated. Okay. I go in You go into the graphic scroll store and you are Essentially a kid in a candy shop. You see a bunch of

off-guard scrolls and a bunch of Scrolls about like legendary elves and like legendary Goliath barbarians and stuff. Do I see anything about illustrated guides doing a better cleric? So this is kind of a comic shop. Okay. So you don't find any instructional guides or anything like that.

But you do find a graphic comic series about some super pious dwarven cleric. Awesome. It's just like a badass god fighter. Name of the brood. Yes, named brood hills. Named after Emily's dwarf cleric.

The brood hills chronicles. I pick up the books and say like, I wanna get this for Irland. Can I have some of the money? Oh, of course, yeah. Truly. This is a completely abandoned shop that is a little bit on fire. If you want money for anything, I'll never say no. Thank you. I just want it. It's your money. I want to make sure. I laid out 100 gold. I've put it in what's left of the cash register. All 100 gold. No, I guess probably like probably. I give them on gold. They have the rebuild. Yeah,

well, well, the 12 gold. Sure, that's a way more than it's worth, but you throw, you throw 12 gold reparations to do. Sure, you throw 12 golds down on the counter. And you guys exit the graphics scrolls, the graphics girl shop. And you guys continue walking into town towards where you saw the kind of monsters were running. You follow sort of the path of destruction knowing that eventually it will end where you saw the halflings and elves and everything. And you find it. You see a bunch of

halflings and you see Crick Elves and some high elves kind of celebrating together. Some of them are somber. You see like some of the older halflings kind of just didn't want to have to deal with this shit. They're, you know, going home and kind of just like slamming the door or they're, you know, there's some devastated families that are looking at their homes that have been messed up.

Some people helping each other and stuff. But there's a bunch of people that are just kind of like hyped up that they just won this big battle and didn't suffer heavy losses. You don't, however, see the airship. But you see away from sort of the people that are celebrating, there are some people that are wounded and that are being treated by medics and healers and such.

And you see that amongst the wounded, working as a medic, is Martha Togult, a Yippee Skippy Boots right to her. Sweet, Yippee Skippy Boots over. I'm gonna buy a cleaner. You guys run over and you bow down. You see Martha Togult's face is all dirty. She's wearing a bandana to hold her curly hair back.

She's treating a halfling who has an arrow in the back of his thigh. It's just screaming. They got my ass! Bleh! Oh no, calm down, you're fine. Just calm down. They got my ass too.

You see, Martha Togold looks up at that, and there's a vague look of recollection on her face as she looks at a hard one, and she goes, hard one? Mama Togold. Ah, you see, she sees Woon Shine. Woon Shine's time, oh my god, my baby boy. looks at a hard one and she goes hard one. Mama tall gold. You see she sees moonshine. Moonshine's time. Oh my God, my baby boy. She gets up, she runs over, she hugs Beverly

and she starts kissing him, furiously. Oh God, oh God, I didn't know where you were. I remember where you've been so long. You've been gone for so long, baby. I miss you. I miss you, I miss you. Oh my God, I love you so much. I love you too.

Runs over to moonshine, starts pinching cheese. I still I still commit to the meal my queen I don't I don't deserve it. I don't deserve it Moonshine stand of course you do okay. Okay. Okay. Okay, I bring it at she hugs you the guy on the ground My ass, please. Oh, I touch hands as ass. Oh nice Please, I touch hands as ass. Oh nice. Nice. Do you want to go over to that? You see, Ireland is not there.

You guys don't see it. Oh, I do a deception check to see if I'm her own season. I see. You guys, yeah, you're able to heal up this guy's thigh. You see the arrow breaks off and falls out of his ass. Oh, thanks, kid. Thanks, kid. Absolutely.

It gets up and Yuppie's giving away. Wow, he's got him too. And as she looks over at hard one, she goes, I don't remember you being a little taller. I'm gonna need as many sticky buns as you could possibly on, sir. I will get you, you know what, I gotta help a few more people here. Take your time, but I got to hurry.

You all need to sit down and we all need to have a long talk And she looks at you Beverly very seriously eat. Yes, ma'am. Oh, yeah, you just missed your friends Or they're taking off on the airship your boyfriend Irland and a Gwayne and red they're going iron deep. Oh It's it got hit so hard. You guys see not far away. You guys see the airship take off. Oh, and begin kind of, how far away is it? It's not that far.

Is it missy step? Is it missy step? It's not missy step. But you guys can certainly try to chase it. I try to turn it to your bed. I might just keep pace with Bev. And if you missy steps on missy step, it's like whatever you need.

Yeah, you see me skipping. Well, we're all sprinting today. I like quick slip her some like, a quick slip Martha Toggle, some like Shadow fell chocolates, souvenir chocolates I got. Just like you do. Okay, Beverly, we're at grandma's house. You come to grandma's house later.

I'll be there. Thank you, mom. I love you. Love you, gives you a kiss. You guys chase after this airship. It is the ship that you guys had stolen in Galatoron and you had traded to Uncle Red. It's like this bigger kind of warship.

Is it the one that old Cobb came back to life on? Uh-huh, good ship. It's that one, unlucky ship. You guys see, the airship has just taken off and like launched into the sky Oh, you know what I could do is like warding wind to bring the To bring the airship closer to us. Okay dope

So the shine you cast warding wind you guys The airship is taken off the sails got let down. They picked up a nice wind and started taking off way faster than you guys can run And you guys are just taking off on the ground trying to catch the ship. Beverly's yelling for Erlin, yelling for them to stop. They don't stop, they keep going, they don't see you guys. Moonshine casts, Warding Wind. Yeah. And you see a wind begins to blow back against the sails.

And you see they do this big turn like they start getting kind of spun around. Do we hear red cursing? Yeah fuck. And yeah, you see Balnor lights up his blade and starts waving it. You guys just make a commotion down on the ground and you see the ship stops and then begins coming towards you guys. I do a quick brush up of Bobbeth, make sure his hair is looking good. Oh yes, me too. Me and Papa do a real quick tailoring, so his pants are now bespoke and huts are

sweet. Yeah, me and Pam. I should just hair a little bit. I'm still wearing my gray night makeup and then like, one of my shirts is like. I was gonna say, I don't know how you feel about this, I was gonna fill in your brows a bit. Oh, absolutely, you're looking thin. Yeah, well no, no, they aren't looking thin

but they could be looking thicker, so. Thank you. So you guys start giving Bev a makeover as the ship gets closer to you guys. The ship settles right above you guys. And suddenly you see Uncle Red's head poke over the side of the ship. And he goes, Hey, Bev, looking good, kid. You look great. Thanks Uncle Red. Hey, it's good to see you guys.

What the hell you been? Oh, the three wild and shadow fell. No, I see. Oh, shit. Yeah, we had some other monsters come here And you see a Gwayne and Irland popped their heads over Dude Irland you see they toss a rope ladder over the side of the ship and just slide all the way down Oh young and y'all making me proud awesome is Erlin's still wearing his armor Irland is still wearing his armor so Irland

Now is wearing a full plate mail that looks kind of all banged up. Like he's been doing some adventuring. His hair, he doesn't have the helmet. His hair is a little longer than before. It used to be like curly and kind of stand up. Now there's too much weight to it. So it like hangs down a little bit.

So cool, just cover one eye. It covers one eye. It looks kind of rad. And you see, if Beth messes this up to look the same. Yeah. You see, a Gw this up to look the same. You see, Aguene is a little bit behind him as soon as Erlin hits the ground. He runs over, grabs Bev and kisses him on the face, I kiss him right back. And he goes, dude, I missed you so much. I wrote to you like every day. I wrote a whole journal of our adventure so far to read

Oh, that's so smart. Oh good look which which fucking note you see got their hangover's art You see red throws a notebook down a bunch of pages, fly out, and we're going, no, dude, it's all right. I mean, I'm telling them all together. Oh, it's so cute. Dude, I can't believe you wrote so much. Dude, we've had the craziest time. I've been wanting to talk to you about it. I know, me too. We've done pretty wild stuff ourselves.

Oh, man. Yeah, and you see Aguene comes out. She came down with full enthusiasm, but then as soon as Herlan ran in front of her, she had time to compose her cool cool, and she goes like, so like, what's up? What if you guys been up to? Lady of Gwain. I want to say, I watched you in the battle from afar.

We were down in Shadowfell, fighting the man who dispatched those monsters, and you performed like a true beast and I was very impressed. Moonshine, go ahead and give me an insight check. Oh shit. 14. 14. You see for a split second that she almost cries. She likes it's just like super proud for a second.

And she goes like, that's awesome. That's cool that you thought it was cool, but whatever, I don't really. I thought it was awesome. You made it look fucking badass. You know, usually war is like a terribly depressing thing to witness, but you made it look pretty fucking badass. You guys are so fucking cool. I see a way in my door and I'm predator handshake.

Yeah. We're all walking. I'm gonna get it in your hands, shaker. Yeah. We'll walk down. We're all interlocking. Can we get stuck because there's so many predator hands? We're doing the trust fall. Okay.

Okay, so I think we need to like pull back, one at a time. Twist around. So this is the thing that kills us all. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yo, this is hard one. Oh, dude, you look different. Yeah

But then now hard one is you know this hat-elf full-friend Oh, I need another ribcage tattoo You see a Gwayne Roleser eyes I forgot that you guys could be like this sometimes. We're like this all the time. You're early laughs are really loud when you trip a Gwayne. You're not gonna think she's as funny when they're gone. So you came here from Shadowfell? Yeah. We came here from Shadowfell.

I gotta tell you. I gotta tell you. I gotta tell you, I'm pretty much bad was the one making monsters go away and shadow. I mean, I was just helping out. I was just like, support, you know, it's power and stuff. I died then I became a boot. So yeah, while hard one was a boot, bad with that.

Classic scale, Mr. Hard one, right? If I could count the number of crits, young, bad, a crew down, shadow. Oh, did you create an split? I did a couple of crits, I did a couple split. I mean, like, I've been working on it with hard ones, bev, crew, Don, and Chad Rooff. Oh, I did a couple of crits. I did a couple of splits. I mean, I've been working on it with hard ones, so I'm pretty flexible.

I do the splits. Whoa, dude. You've really been working on those. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I haven't been working on my brain or anything like you, but I've been trying to keep, just try to keep fit, you know? Oh, dude, you're, he touches your arm.

Dude, you're looking ripped. Uh-huh. Thank you. No. I've, dude, you're here. Touch the arm, dude, you're looking ripped. Thank you. I've totally taken to this cleric thing. It's so much easier for me than fighting. Dude, I'm so glad you've found your path. I like to put my hand up in his big messy hair. I'm just gonna like tang a little bit.

You see, he goes forehead to forehead with you. Yeah. I try to give him a little bit. I see he goes forehead to forehead with you. Yeah. I turn and give him a little bit. I just continue to watch. I have a bunch of watch. I have an urge to go. Erdan, it's like way in the distance, he was just like kind of speed walking to keep up with you.

Who are these people that were going to suck? Just go find birds. I pretend to get distracted by something, but I don't do it convincingly. I turn to Erlin and I say, so you've been working on your Clara skills? Yeah, dude. Can you show me something?

Yeah, totally. Can you cast Zone of Truth? Sure. He casts Zone of Truth. You guys are going to be trying to turn back. I got plenty. What form does it take? It doesn't take any kind of... Oh, that was just my thing.

Yeah. Okay, cool. Oh, wow, it just didn't take a form. That's, wow, that's advanced. No, you can just cast a spell, yeah. I just have to like, my focus gets off, so I have to like make sure there's like a couch or something to like aid the spell. Oh, okay, do you want me to make a little

some patio furniture? Yeah, that would be better for me. Welcome to the truth patio. She's got nice. I sit down on it and I say, Irland, I've missed you so much and I need to be straight with you. There was this guy in the Feywild who I, I, I kissed him.

It didn't mean anything, but I kissed him. And you just need to know that if we're gonna like move forward. And with all that's going on, I don't want anything like that between us. Go ahead and make a persuasion check. Okay. And just know that this does not mean automatic victory. Okay, that's fair. Because you are a teen and you just hold another teen that you kiss somebody else.

Yep, yep. Well, that is a 25. Wooo! Yeah, yeah! A 25. I was away from home and I was missing you and that doesn't make it better. But I just need you to know. Who's fucking idea wasn't to have him tell the truth? Honestly, I'm impressed.

I'm, I'm, I'm floored. I just, I learned from my friend hard one that it's always important to tell the truth whenever you can because putting up walls It only hurts you. I think she I think he's saying that he like learned from what you do You see you see that um he doesn't look Angry at you. He just looks kind of hurt and you feel him break the zone of truth because you can feel when that's on you. And he goes,

and no, dude, no, it's whatever, man. We, you know, we kissed a couple times and I don't know, maybe it's just like, you know, people, you do that thing where you're almost in a relationship. Like, we weren't really a thing. It's still didn't make it right. I could put Iron Deep, dude. I don't really think it's- It still didn't make it right. I could put Iron Deep, dude.

Okay, I try to kiss his cheek. He lets you kiss his cheek, but he's kind of just sitting there. And he just nods, he goes, Yeah, dude, well, be safe. Yeah, you too. Ooh, Moch, can you see that? I'm just saying by the young and I thought he handled himself a great plum.

Bev's like just a waterfall about to just burst. A dam that is about to break. Can I cast control water? Bev's eyes to keep the tears in until Irland turns away. Sure. You see, he starts to walk back towards the ship. I know that you've been getting to hang out

with like these really cool scout masters and stuff and going out on these cool adventures and you're like a cool guy now, but just remember that I always thought you were cool. I don't care about being cool. I don't think I'm cool. And I don't care if you think I'm cool. I just care about you regardless of if we're together or not. I always care about you. And I'm sorry that I've hurt you. I'm sorry that I've hurt you. You see, he nods and he goes, I'm not mad at you, dude. It's the end of the world.

You see, he puts his helmet on and he climbs back up the ladder. You see, a Gwayne goes, um, well, I'm gonna go. Yo, tell your brother that I saw the kid that he kissed. He was probably like a five max. Cool. Yeah, that is important to remember, but also a Gwayne, get over here for a second. I have come into money. And I trust your sensibilities.

You trust me? Yeah. You see, she looks flored. I was gonna steal the money. As soon as you said, I have, I've came into some money and you were gonna, I could tell that you were like, maybe gonna give it to me and I was gonna steal it. I'm sorry.

All right. No, I understand. I was a teen once, the thrill of stealing something was just like taking control of back into your hand. It's so fun. It's so fun to get your head back into your hands. It's so, it's truly so rad. Well, I'm still gonna do it anyways, even if it's a mistake, but I just, I don't know, I just think you're coming into something great as a person. So, here's a thousand gold piece. And on your journeys, if you think it could help people, please use it.

And if you decide to just use it on clothes and drugs, I don't know, that's your, that's, I just trust you not to do that. But if you do do that, I don't know, maybe it's the right thing for you. She nods and she goes, as if I care about clothes. That drugs, drugs though.

True, my girl. The clothes just get in the way. Drugs, you know, if they come from the earth, they rule. Yeah, close get in the way drugs are the way. If they come from the earth. But you see as she goes, hopefully we'll get to see you guys soon. But yeah, we're going up to Iron Deep. We're taking the Lord Mayor here from Hill home up to Iron Deep and everybody saying the war is starting So we're gonna kind of see what the damage is there and we're gonna be the Messenger from Hill home basically. Yeah, hopefully that money will help rebuild Iron Deep a bit Good luck. Good luck. A Gwayne

Hey, a Gwayne just make sure some of that money gets to the doorfinage, all right She nods if you try any drugs just make sure they of that money gets to the door for nature, right? She nods. If you try any drugs, just make sure they're from a lure self, not some kind of Israel. Oh, no, I hand roll my own cigarettes. I know, and I'll see if she starts smoking. I really do. There's a lot of tobacco falling out of that one. That is the least role to say the least.

You see a Glean puts her arm around Beverly and pulls them aside. Look, dude, I'm old as hell. I'm 17 and a half. Yeah, you're and I know. And I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. with Earl and if you want to make a commitment, you got to make that commitment, dude. You're right. Gosh, you're so old and so smart. Fuckin' A.

Let me get a drag of that. She gives you a drag of the cigarette. It's like eating tobacco. How much tobacco's comin' out of that thing? Hey, Gwane. Broken half. Put it through his lips. You're not supposed to eat it. What are you fucking freak? How does he punches your arm? How are you so cool and so weird at the same time?

I don't know. Okay. Like you see who I hang out with. Ha, move your hands up. What? Sorry. Just force a habit. Beverly pulls out the the Bruin Hill book and says, don't tell him this was for me, but just you're going to be gone a long time. There's not going to be anything fun to do. So just I guess give him this or just like, say it's from you or just put it in his room.

It doesn't matter. Just I just wanted him to have it. You see, she smiles and she takes it and she goes, just gonna tell him it's from you, you fucking weirdo and she punches you in the arm again. Damn, I swallowed. I swallow the cigarette. What? How are you doing it?

What? All right, guys, we gotta be off. Okay, moonshine, your mom's over at the mayor's house. Oh. Okay, good to know, your mom's over at the mayor's house. Oh. Okay, good to know. Who's the mayor now? It's been a while since we've been here. Well, the mayor is a delorious pebble pot.

Oh, you see a woman with a little halfling woman with curly hair looks over the airship. A queen, who are your friends down there? Ugh. I touched my javolet. I touched my new ribcage tattoo and I said, give me strength. I'm a little more.

Give me strength. He hold me firm. You're mom staying in her house. Okay. A queen gives you guys another hug, goes back up on the ship. Red's just kind of been hanging over the side of the the ship. Hey Eli's how you doing, bud? Uncle red do I got a story for you?

Yeah, he recognized you Yeah, no you look you see like him looking with like his little rad eyes They're just like super far away you look you don't look a fucking day over when I saw you last but yeah Exactly the fucking saying all I do was get a haircut when I saw you last but yeah exactly the fucking saying all I do was get a haircut It looks good it's cutting season you guys all look good I Climb up the rigging real quick just like a give him a Sweet um Gunther and red come over and hug you and red goes yeah man these kids got me running around I guess I'm one, huh? One last job, this is gonna be a long one.

I think so. I'll see you on the other side, brother. See you on the other side, bud. And you guys depart the airship, and you go see the airship, begins flying off towards Iron Deep. This episode of NAD pod is brought to you by Bird Dogs. They're a company that makes pants and shorts,

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me, you are going to need all the movement you can get when you and your brothers and legs are out there on the battlefield kicking the shit out of your rivals. So when the lower body battle begins and brother is forced to kick brother make sure you are wearing bird dogs. To get yours and a free Yeti style tumbler go to birddogs.com slash pop-up or enter promo code pop-up at checkout. That's birddogs.com slash pop-up or promo code pop-up for a free Yeti-style Tumblr. You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay, that's it for me. Go team pants and enjoy the show. So, it's really, it's come to this, huh?

Yeah, think so. War. Honestly, we danced around these planes, trying to get powerful enough to oppose the aula. And I think we did as best we could. So whatever we bring to the battle, you know, that's what we could've brought. Now and ever. Yeah.

I'm going in with a clear head. Yeah. Just totally shorn of all my earthly needs. I don't need anything I definitely seem like you're having a break down. It's okay to be upset. I create victory. I'm victory alone I am a warrior. Beb okay. We eavesdropped on you right heart one. Yeah, no I thought you fucking blew it No, no, no, don't listen to hard one. I thought it was absolutely beautiful because I think that the best relationships

are built on honesty and trust. And I think that what you did, it was not definitively bad. And it was stupid. Or you're the age. You are the age. You are the age where, you know when you're like a kid, you know when you're like a little baby

and you gotta build up a germ library. I would tell baby. No, no, no, no, no, no, follow me here know when you're like a kid you know when you're like a little baby and you got to build up a germ Library, no, no, no, no, no, no, you got to be here when you're a kid you got to build up a germ library when you're a teen You got to build up a mistakes library So you're you're building up a mistakes library learning from all the mistakes so that you don't make them again You see poundar gets a little bit emotional. I knew my wife. We were from the same small village. I knew her when we were kids and we dated for a little bit and we were teenagers and we drifted apart for a little bit,

but we came back together in the end. So maybe if it's meant to be, it'll happen, you know? Bev just hugs Balnor really hard and just like screams into his shoulder. It's okay, bud. It's okay, bud. I think it sometimes teens are just kind of trying on emotions too. Erdan goes, I really need to be finding the headmaster.

Yeah, I think I gotta find Mima. I'd think I've just been kind of avoiding the situation, but I guess I'll go do it. Sorry, what's the situation? Oh yeah. Oh. So Erdan, when he first showed up in lighten me that Mima had a romantic entanglement with

a high elf and because of the stigma of Crick Elves, she was encouraged by other people who were not that high elf to leave while she was pregnant with me. It's awful. Essentially. Those people might not have known that she was pregnant. Or they were being kind of rude. They were definitely rude. We don't disagree with that. Not above that.

Yeah, it's just a complicated situation made more complicated by the, you know, the actions of some that are good. See Beverly This is what we call half-truths I'm not gonna lie, it seems bad. This is how the world turns baby. It's not good. I'm basically going to Consult me mom say hey, I know who my daddy is. Do you want us there for support? Yeah, why not? Okay, come on. We'll just hang out outside the window if you want. Yeah, I think that's not wonderful. Honestly, I do think that makes me feel braver to know.

Yes, please come. Yeah, we'll watch the door. So you guys together. The core of the door. I'll let anyone in. Yeah, I could use some quads I can't contain to make sure. The boye in the foyer. Oh yeah.

Very good. The lad in the flat. See you guys walk over towards where Bev knows the Lord Mayer's Mansion to be. And you approach the Mayer's Mansion. It's this big hobbit hole built into the side of a hill. It's fenced in by this little picket fence covered in moss, only a little taller than halfling height.

So most of you can see over it. Boundar just goes, a lot of privacy here. Just like looking straight into the fence. It's that big. It's that big. There's a small garden out front. The home appears to be only one story, but it's quite wide.

It's painted a dull yellow in the front door's circular, piss yellow. And a Pebble Pop Picks. Yeah. The door's bright green with a knob directly in the middle, and there are many windows. You see tiny windows all along the side of the house. They're all shaped slightly differently, just

inexact shapes. They give a shaped slightly differently, just in exact shapes. They give a kind of softness to it. Nothing is rigid, it's this very peaceful little cottage, but you do hear yelling from inside. You hear? Eavesdrop for sure. Go ahead and give me a perception check, guys. Net 20.

Oh, I already have 24, but but not that those new Elvin ears You got a new echo system. Yeah, you pick this up so quick and you hear a Man going I can't convince them to join this war the king still holds me accountable for advising him to join against Osmodeus we lost half our young elves. Oh you high elves. Oh, it's not our fight It's not our fight. Oh high elves. What about crit elves? Oh, let me show you the fun side of life let your hair down a little bit Oh, sorry. I'm gone now. See you in 30 years. Hey, you are distant. You never stood up to me to your parents Oh, well, you know my parents were 800 yearold arch wizards. I apologize for not questioning their wisdom. Um, and you just hear them yelling over each other.

Oh, Malorah, y'all. This is my fucking mom and dad going at it. Oh, oh, yes, that's the headmaster himself. Well, they're here. That's good, right? Um, should we go find birds? Um, I would like to talk to the headmaster himself. Well, they're here. That's good, right? Should we go find birds? I would like to talk to the headmaster. No, I like y'all staying close. I think I need this. I kicked the door in.

You kicked the door in? Hey, mom and dad. Oh, yes. Holy fucking shit. You kick open the door and scout master Danny is in a foie, holding like a little tray with a teapot and as soon as you kick the door and he drops in he goes, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Howard, he's been run away. He completely fucking takes off. I tackled him. What is this? And you see?

Yeah, make his pants Pebblepop piss. Hard one. So fucking moonshine kicks the door in, yells, hey mom and dad, Scoutmaster Denny is apparently staying here. You see, he's got this tray, he drops it. Hard one, here's Scoutmaster Denny yelling, bursts in the door and tackles him. You don't even see your mother

and or your father right now, this is a big hobbit hole and they're clearly in another room. Hard one, I'm not even gonna make you roll against Scoutmaster Denny, you tackle him right away. What, why, why? Even my new thin body. A hard one, go ahead and give me a wisdom saving throw.

Wisdom saving throw. 15. 15, hard one you fail. You feel the whole person spell, take control of you. You are flung off of Scoutmaster Danny and thrown into the wall. Wait, you see this man with long blonde hair and bright green eyes wearing a red robe with like black markings on it?

Holding a finger to you and he goes, what is the meaning of this? This guy sucks. Haha, I can attest to that. Am I here as well? Are you the headmaster? Yes, what are you doing kicking in this man's door? You see? I'm introducing you to your fucking daughter.

You see, where's my daughter? I don't have a daughter. You see Mima rounds to the corner and she goes, Moonshan, what are you doing here? How did you, oh my god, you're all right? Hard one? You lost. Shaved.

You lost your beard. You lost your beard. You lost your beard. She runs over, she gives you guys a hug. You see this dude goes, who are these raving lunatics? At Erdan, Pokes and Dishead, he goes, everyone, this is headmaster and he interrupts. Headmaster, Lucanus, Ertia. And you see, M mom just kind of groans

What that is my name and that is my title what's weird about that? Who are these people are Dan and Ertian just goes um? Why don't we go talk outside and you see Ertian grabs Lucanus and pulls him out Scout master Danny goes well, how's it going, gang? Shut up and serve us tea. All right. You see Scoutmaster Danny runs off to go get you guys some tea and brings sticky buns.

A lot of them. All right. You got a gang? I start just happily cooking. Like, doesn't even, he looked so comfortable and plump. Like, he's been staying here for a while. Like, he just left his scout mastering job just to like fall back on the wealth of his family.

He looked well rested, didn't he? And Nimo goes... He has lost a winkously. That's a fucking war going on. Nimo goes, I mean, I'm so happy to see you all, but what are you doing kicking indoors and yelling about, you see she looks guilty. Mom and dad, who?

Me ma come on, Jake is up. Why do you, since when do you care who your dad is? I don't care except for the fact that I am half high up and you never told me I was half high up. What does it matter, moonshine? You're my daughter. It matters because, it matters because I am a bond between the Crick and the High Elves that could that could mean something obviously y'all

cooperated on this current mission, but like There's been a lot of times when y'all haven't cooperated and my mere existence Could have made y'all get along a little better It seems to me that my dad has quite the pull amongst the high elves and could give a letter of recommendation metaphorically for the Creek folk. Yeah, that's where it gets kind of complicated. You see, she leads you back into this main room, this large circular living room with a dome ceiling.

There's a fireplace going open floor plan. There's an attached kitchen, pewter mugs, hang over a little counter and exit some stools. Yeah, just picturing, just picturing Denny just like, oh he's there. He's in the kitchen. He's in the kitchen. He's relaxed. Here's the great thing about the open floor plan is that I can be cooking and still be taking part in the conversation. How many goes relaxed? Here's the great thing about the open floor plan.

Is that I can be cooking and still be taking part in the conversation. Oh boy. I mean, normally you'd love that moonshine. Oh no, I know. But you do smell sticky buns coming from the kitchen into the living room. Can you make some say, everyone's?

Yes, please. Some saucy buns? Yeah, can we some saucy buns? Yeah, keep some of them saucy buns. Yeah. They don't all have to be sweet. So, Danny keeps cooking for you guys. You guys sit down with me, Mom. Meemaw goes, it's kind of complicated with, uh, Lucanus, uh, because he was the one who convinced the king last time to send the high elves in to help in the battle against Osmodeus and

something like half of their young elves were wiped out so he's not in maybe as good as social standing as he once was and I think he feels a lot of guilt about that and I'm willing to admit that when he's not here, but when he's here, that man just gets my goat. I know, I get it, I get it. Where is he now? Probably in one of his little weird, little wizard houses. What? Like Liam Munn's tiny hood?

Exactly, like one of those little, like looks like a tent or something, then you go in that spell I hate I have it's so fucking cool man He just go in you're like you're like oh, let's go camping you think like all you're gonna do it real it and then you turn into Clamping I love clamping We used to clamp the bank in the day Okay now I understand why you felt for this high-elf if he's a if he's able to make you a tiny hut

Sounds dirty to me Find you a man who can make you a tiny hut a tiny hut big fuck me. Yeah, me mom. Just tell me a little something De-dining sad He's like a Dirty scumbag, right see if she gives a slice mile, she goes, you got a little bit of a dirty daddy. Okay, okay. I'm dad, dad, me, mom.

Thank you, me, mom. I needed to hear that. Yeah, but I'm sorry, and maybe now you'll have an opportunity to get to know your father, because we are in quite a pickle here, gang. Yep, yep. That's when we're just. We got word that Alonus was spotted in Galaeron. And you guys remember she had teleported away to cause a distraction. We met Alonus. Yeah, well we heard that she apparently closed some portal, killed a bunch of chosen soldiers,

but then she disappeared. We haven't, nobody's heard anything from her. She makes the first appearance on the material, playing in years, and she's just gone again. She's been trying to keep a low profile, so it's not to draw the iron of the other powerful entities in the world, but I think hopefully when the time comes, we can summon her to our aid. Yeah, what do you think, Pebble Pot? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You see, he gets into the oven with the sticky buns and starts getting his cup of hot snack all over it. You're really making him full of that. Too savory, too savory.

I'm making him good. And Mimaw goes, good news is, Ulfgar was spotted up in Frostwin, apparently, they're gathering the troops up there, but other than, I mean, you mean you see me ma begins kind of Describing to you the current Situation as far as this upcoming war goes the way Bohumia is laid out is there's this one main continent and on the east side There's like go later on and the Crick and Ezri and then smaller villages like Moonstone and a few other cities and stuff,

but you guys have been to a lot of the major ones. Those have all been taken over by the Chosen. So that whole east side is all Chosen. Then there are mountains in the middle of the continent, and then on the west side is Iron Deep, kind of nearest those mountains. Then over on the west coast is Glade Home, a little bit more inland is Hill Home, and then down south there is the ruins of a city called Osmodia, which was the old orc city, like the Mordor for the Osmodia. Oh, that is, oh that makes me feel very proud to go there.

So the way, so Mima kind of describes a situation to you that Frostwind, which is this disconnected other continent that is north of the main continent Everything is generally fine up there. They're beginning to kind of gather the troops up there to possibly send worships down to the mainland Glade home does not want to get involved at this moment or isn't sure what to do and Iron Deep has just suffered heavy losses. And the West is looking way worse than the East right now. I've been kind of leading the defense effort for the elves here. So I've made mom all acting me, mom of the creek. She's up there with the creek people. I was wondering where she was. I uh, I rustled my overall bib to be like, pop out. You hear that? Yeah. Yeah. You see

pop out wells up. Me. That's right. Pop out. There's a possumimo. I didn't smell her matrily musk and I was like, where could she be? But of course. I'm Mr. You know, that must be hard on you. But she's the only person that you could dress with such responsibility. Absolutely. Absolutely. We don't. the only one I got to talk to here is this one. I'm a guest. I'm in a guest. So, how do I always go in the pipes? He's going in the pipes.

I do think that we could win Lucana's over, but there are other complications in Glade Home. You might want to talk to him Lucas, oh I know oh yeah, air tea air tea air tea air tea I try to air tea air tea air tea air tea He likes it when you say it the way that Beverly just said it, but I think Becky run that by me one more time. He likes it when you say it the way that Beverly just said it, but I think I think Rirtia Roll a cut, damn horse.

Laura lend me your patience and difference in this mountain. He's trying to help. Little uppity, yeah. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna go talk to him. I'm really sorry, Mima, my passion outing you like that. I'm sorry for keeping it from you for so long. I honestly just kind of the way the cricks are.

I didn't know you would care, but you know, times change. I don't know I'll care either, honestly. But I guess I'm weak to all the luxuries of the rest of the world. Hey, that's not weakness. Karen's good. Okay. Yeah, Karen's all we got sometimes.

Yeah, ain't that the truth. Ain't that right? All right. Well, maybe I might go to the fat with Luconis. Yeah, just look for the dinky little tent that's actually a big fancy wizard house. God damn it. Such a good spell. Way of money. I mean, it is so fun. I got to stay here with the mayor's nephew, Denny. Yeah, take it from us. It does not get any better. Hey, you know what?

Denny walks in with the sticky buns. I've been kind of listening to your guys' problems and I've got a solution. You know what I did? When all the monsters were coming, I just hid and then other people got rid of them and everything was fine. A polymorph meant to aboot. Just kidding, I don't have that.

I don't have tree polymorph. Not so bad. I will say if you cast regular Polymorph, Denny is so weak you could turn him into a boot. Okay, I turn him into a boot. Denny fully turns into a boot. Nima, that is the funniest thing she's ever seen. She cries laughing and then begins to sob emotionally

and then starts laughing again normally and goes, ah, this has been a weird day. You could say, yeah. All right, well, why don't we walk you to your dirty dad's tent and then we'll put you in there. It's a hut. I wanna see, I do need to see how small the hut is. Yeah, I'm curious.

But then maybe we'll leave you there and I can go check in with my mom. Absolutely. Okay, let's walk you over to Luganis. Irti-a. Irti-a. Yeah, that was good. Irti-a.

That's like a tiger in your throat. I started knocking on tiny head stores. Sweet. Munchan, you walk outside of the mayor's little hobbit hole and you do see that in the front yard, there's indeed a little tent-pitched there Hard one and Bev are you guys going to With moonshine's blessing, I guess we'll go on yeah, yeah go on go on. Okay, cool. So I guess Balnor will just

Boys go to grandma's house when we go the boys. I'm in no danger Be one of the grandma boys. Alright grandma boys off Grandma's for the boys. Grandma's for the boys. These guys exit. And Moonshan, you're outside this tent. Bev, you take a hard one and bound our towards where you know your grandma's old house to be where you guys used to stay when you came here in the summer.

Is my grandma still around? She's a grandma passed away a few years ago. I tried to like put up a brave face, but like that combined with everything else is having today, I'm like getting emotional about it all over again. She was really great. She, I mean, that's where the sticky bun recipe comes from,

obviously, and I mean, my moms are good, but grandma told me all to. Her memory lives on in beauty. I shove two sticky buns in my mouth at once. So Moonshine, you are outside this tent. Wrap on the door. You see Erdan pops out of the tent. Hey, hey, surprise, I'm not looking for you. Oh, right. What do you like me to- I'm sorry for the sad.

We all got to express ourselves in our own ways. Totally agree. I'm gonna go look at birds, but um- You do that a lot. Yes. I agree. Well, you find a bird that has- I was actually looking this up earlier today. Find a bird that has a really deep call. I'm a necromancer. I was actually looking this up earlier today. Find a bird that has a really deep call.

I'm a necromancer. You know, probably, if you wanted to like hang out and maybe find a bird for me. Start a bird watching the... I could actually get into that. Okay, let's talk about that. Okay, yeah. See, Erden starts to walk off and he turns around and goes like, oh yes, the headmaster will see you. If you...

I bet you will. I'm just being proper. I just feel the need to discard such formalities. Dad? You yelled that and entered the tent. Yeah. You enter into a magnificent mansion. You enter into this tasteful little lounge.

You see there is a cloth map of Bohemia on the wall with little pins in it. You can see that it's clearly which cities are controlled by the empire and stuff. And you see bookcases full of old tomes, a small desk covered in papers with a quill next to it. And you see there is a large wooden table on the other side of the room where Lucana is just kind of sitting there in disbelief. And he looks up at you and he goes, are you? Are you really my daughter? I think I might be.

I don't know what having a daughter means to y'all high elves, but... Having a child is a blessing from the gods. Young elves will save our people. You see, he stands up and he screams, I can't believe she wouldn't tell me this. Your friends who thought that they were acting in your best interest told her to leave and I can only imagine what that felt like for her. So I think that felt like for her. So I think that you should interpret her silence on this matter as a courtesy to you.

You see, he nods, and then he kind of just slumps back into his chair. He, with a flick of his wrist, makes a bottle of wine appear in two glasses. Would you like a drink? So I think I need one. Yeah, I think I could go for one. He pours a glass for you. Pours a glass for him. I didn't think I could ever have a child. Why, you use the microwave too much? No, it is. I know it might not be the case with

quick elves, but high elves, you know, we live for a very long time, the way that we keep our population going is our people grow very old. All this time, and you've just been out there. So if a high elf were to just high-off were to just... with a... with a... with a... with a crack-off than... I think I might be kind of a special circumstance. It may be a slimmer percentage of times that...

Of course. Anyways, I kind of came in here thinking, I would kind of like put you in your place or speak like that to your mother? Yeah. I mean, I actually... She talks like that to me about it was so... Yeah, curse words are kind of like social, I mean the bond. Can I be completely honest with you?

Yeah, I was about to do the thing. She used to braz me, and I really used to enjoy it. I bet you liked it, didn't you? Kind of liked it. Yeah, that's kind of... That's how... That's the correct love languages, Razz, and it seems so counterintuitive to so many, but it

feels so good. Would it be okay if I gave you a hug? I think it might be like actually really nice. He goes over and he gives you a hug. And you feel it goes from being this kind of stiff and rigid, like this very proper, like I am a professor at the headmaster at the university, to just being like somebody you felt they could never have a child is holding their child. I didn't want to need you, dad, but now that you're here, it's kind of nice. When you first kicked in the door and you're yelling about, mom and dad, I assumed you would be more like your mother

and kind of when we had this talk that you would be super combative, but you're just being very nice and it's, I can't tell you how much I came in here to be combative. I thought it was gonna be more of a weird thing, but it's just kind of a nice thing and this is really, this is, he starts ugly crying.

Oh, bring it in, bring it in, bring it in. Pop, pop, get on out. I know you've been listening the whole thing. Oh my God. What is that? All right, no half-oluted high-elf business here. This is my familiar pop. You see, he's scared by pop off for a split second,

but then he grabs Pop off Chin and he looks at it and he goes, one of Mama's litter. Yeah. Jolene had, had Mama. Of course, you know that. I recognize one of these possums anywhere. Yeah. Look, I don't know what story your mother told you. No one told me anything, honestly.

Okay, we have a lot of baggage. Listen, the Crick Elves just showed up a few days ago outside. Right now, they're in the whisper wood. Our city is a dangerous city full of ancient relics, secrets, and our king and queen, don't love outsiders and are still upset with me for having supported the other mortals in the battle against Osmodius.

Well, if it makes you feel any better, that story about you lending your folk to the battle against Osmodius, I think that kind of took some of the edge off when I was coming in here. I think there might be an opportunity for us to help each other. Okay. Erden filled me in on how you and your comrades defeated Galad Rosel and faced the grave

robbers. I was Erdan's contact. He told me about the traders amongst us in Glate Home and you can rest assured this won't be the last we see of this secret mage Cabal. From what Erdan tells me most of them got away, if not all of them except for the elves. So we don't know where these mages are, but I do think I know what they'll be after next. There is a wizard tournament. Shut up. I know. It is really cool.

That is so odd right now. I'm just saying that's really fun. It's really on brand. It's really, I know. I'm just saying that's really fun. And I'm really on brand. I'm really on board. Very good. Listen, there's a wizard tournament at the University of Arcane Sciences at Glade Home in three days.

Majors from all over, Behomea will be competing and the winner will gain possession of a powerful relic, something that was gifted to the elves long ago by the goddess Aratis herself. And Munchain, you know by the goddess Arathas herself. And Munchine, you know of the goddess Arathas. She is sort of the opposite of Melora. She's the like law and knowledge and civilization goddess. You know that when you met Jonathan Tinkle in Ezri,

the levels of cleric that he had were in Arathas's domain. So it is like a very kind of arcane thing. At least in my world, don't at me. And Lucana Scose, the relic is a crown called the Nawa Thwaw. I actually don't want you to repeat that again. I'll say it for you one more time. That now a thaw. Really, don't. Okay. Cool, now it's enough.

Translated into common, it's the thinking cap. It was passed down through the royal lines of the high elves. It's appearance aligns perfectly with the first happenings of mortals casting arcane magic It gave us the gift of magic and it was a secret for many many years But eventually word got out of glade home and in naturally it became one of the most sought after relics in all of Bahumia this led to wars mages backstabbing each other our city was in a constant state of alert So to remedy that the elves designed a tourney wars, mages, backstabbing each other, our city was in a constant state of alert. So to remedy that, the elves designed a tourney.

All qualifying mages would be able to participate, so long as they never attacked Glade Home in open war. It offered the realm a clean way to fight over the no-ah-paw. We can call it thinking cap, we can't manage it. With the thinking cap, right. Without bloodshed and ransacking, the various arcane schools and mage guilds across Bahumia agreed and the tournament

has been held every 100 years since. I see. So this is a magical contract. This isn't something we can get out of. This is like something you'd find in the Fey Wild. We're bound to it. Should we cancel the event? These maes could just

openly attack the city, there might even be more traders amongst the elves who could assassinate people. Well, I am fully game given the needs of my compatriots to join you at this event. Well, that's good because we don't know who we can trust and our champion was supposed to be Lai Bella who I From what Erdan tells me you've met her and killed her. She was powerful. Good job She was evil though. Oh super apparently. Yeah. Yes. No, I trust Erdan with my life and he told me what happened. Okay. I can find you a new champion. I can do that I don't need you to I don't need you to find me a champion Oh, I just I need you all to compete as a team. It is a team event

Uh, I think I can get my friend home for that. Thank you. I represent great. So I'm gonna need one thing in return for me For this favor. I need you to teach me lemons, tiny hut. I want this spell. I want a bad dad. You see, he grabs your shoulders. It would be my greatest honor. Okay.

Ben, I'm in, baby. Then let's go, let's go in Jersey shopping because this team's gonna win this tourney. My daughter by champion. I give you a big hug. You guys weirdly kind of fucking hit it off. And on top of that, you're a blessing amongst the elves. Hell yeah.

I flipped my hair over my shoulder, I'm a blessing bitch. So meanwhile, Bev,v hard one and valnor You guys arrive at grandma toe gold old little cottage You knock on the door Martha toe gold answers. She's cleaned up And she goes come on in come on in. I'll make everybody sticky buns. Oh, where's moonshine? Oh, she had some business Some family business to attend to right right come on in, come on in, I'll make everybody sticky buns. Oh, where's Moonshine? Oh, she had some family business to attend to. Right, right. Come on in, boys.

Thank you. Let's you all in. Oh, and who's this handsome fella? A pencious balnor shoot. This is balnor. Hey. What's up? I ship it.

What's going on? Balnor, balnor instantly gets flush. What, what up? We had to walk a bit of a way. He's probably just tired. No tired. Keep it together, man Keeping it together. I'm cool. Cool man. It's my mom. All right. All right You see Martha to go brings you into this little living room and sitting on a rocking chair near the fire is Nana kindly I've been to me Put those talking chair near the fire is Nana kindly. Nana! I've been to neat. Ooh, put those, put those words over the fire and turn them into like a nice crackled caramel.

What are you doing here, these crackers? You getting the floor all dirty or fresh? Ciao, what are you doing here? You start hitting you with a cane to like, I wanna look at the fire, get out. I do just like old times, just to show that like, you know, time is past, but things are the same as they ever were. I do try to steal some worth of shimmer pocket.

Sweet. I'm one of that be slight of hand. Yeah. 13? 13. Okay, I'm gonna roll a Dex check for her. She doesn't have great decks, but she rolls a natural 19. You reach into the worthers and she's like a creaky old lady.

She grabs your wrist. Oh, how are you doing in there? You still got it, grandma. Name right, I still got it. There's a horse coming, we need you. You see, she takes out a Werther's candy, sweet child. Thank you, Nana. I love you.

Kiss you on the cheek. Love you, Irland. Beverly Pete throws it in the fire. And you see your mom comes over to you, Bev puts her arm around you and goes, we should talk in my room. Yeah, I think we should. You guys walk into the other room. Do I free reign in the kitchen?

There's sticky buns in the cupboard. Go wild. We'll be polite with them though. We'll just one or two maybe. Damn, the sexual attention I ship it. It's super yourself. So my... No intention of show you respect.

You and your mom, Bev, um, sit on the bed in her room. Um, and she goes, honey, where have you been? Where haven't we been, Mom? It's, it's been wild. Well, I guess like, I saw you and, later on, and then you headed to Hill home, but from there, we've been all over, we've been to Frostwind.

Uh, we went through the Feywild, I saw, I think before I talk. I saw Dad. You see She nods and she goes, I know honey, you know. Yeah. How? How can you know. Yeah, how, how can you know? Your father, he came to me in a dream. And it was, I don't know, I just, I knew it was real.

I could tell he was there, but he was different. And I knew he wanted to help me but there was something Cold and distant about him I'm so glad I don't have to lie to you about this Me see she puts her arm around you. Oh honey. She gives you a kiss and she's she's crying too I kind of let it out for a bit but then I kind of like grab her by the shoulders and the way that like a kid does when they're like starting to get a little older and they're like about the same size as their parent. Yeah and you kind

of square up with them for the first time and I'm like I'm going to get him back. Bev, he told me that everything will be all right in the end. If you do, what needs to be done. And he said to go out near the tree. Where are you guys used to go fishing when you were a kid? Right. He said he left something for you there a long time ago. Okay, look all right now. I'll be here when you get back on.

Cool. I don't, I think I don't even let Balnor and Hardwondo I'm going. Sweet. I'm going to town on the frid. Hahaha. What'd you find in there? Oh dude, we got sticky buns.

We got some, we got some gold cuts. Wait, I was gonna say, what's the deli meat situation? Oh yeah, we got some really nice thin sliced turkey. This is stocked. This is absolutely stocked. It's stacked pal. After bound our set. Look at the fucking lettuce.

It's making like way too big of a sandwich, just using like all of her lunch meat. Oh, so sorry, it's so rude. We can make it a triple, Dr. Jesus. She said we could go to town. So bad. You scooby doing my mom's fridge. They're a starch in here.

Beth, you run out of the house. You see the sun has gone down and it's night. I light my sword. You light your sword. You hear the sound of crickets. All you see is the white gray light from your sword. The stars up in the sky, you're out in the country, and you see the moon reflecting off the pond where you and your dad used to go fishing, and you find

this old oak tree that's been there for generations. You and Erlin carved your names here when you guys were kids, like not necessarily necessarily you guys weren't in a relationship There wasn't like hard. It was just like you know like friend stuff and things like that You got our first pocket knives. Yeah, and you guys would like measure your heights and everything like that and You get near this tree and you see your Amulet Begins to glow as you step into the dirt near the tree.

I kind of let it pulse to try and kind of a sus where best to dig. Yeah, you find a spot where the amulet is almost too bright to look at. I keep looking at it. And then I start to dig. Sweet. You dig, and you're able to use your shield to kind of do a wedge into the dirt and pull it back. You're able to use spells. You can kind of like shield smite into the ground,

just like blowing the dirt out. And eventually you find a dirty old chest. Have I seen this chest before? You haven't seen it before. Okay. Does it have any names or engravings on it? Not on the chest, no. I ask because I'm hesitant to open it,

but I think Beverly Swallows his breath, grasps it and then slowly opens the chest. Bev you open the chest and creaks. This is something that has clearly not been opened in a long time. This is either something your father buried a very long time ago, or something that one of his grandparents did or something like that. He never talks about this chest. You open the chest and you find inside an old leather-bound book. It's simple, unpretentious, and dusty. It's a deep red with gold writing that says,

It's a deep red with gold writing that says, a beastiary of devils and arch devils by the paladin Beverly Toggle I first. I dust it off. I stick my sword into the ground. I sit down and I start reading. You open it up and you see your father has given you a strategy guide on how to beat him. I have to look away so that the tears don't ruin the pages. And that's where we'll end our session. Oh, okay. Oh, wow.

And heavy. Practically the way that items are going to work, it's really fucking dope. You're essentially gonna get to look at the monster manual stats of some of the devils that have been around for a long time. Yo. That's cool, but that makes me sad. Yeah. Cheat, cheat. Seriously.

That's not a bad idea. Oh, how to beat your dad. Wow. This is gonna be a fucking thick soda of a short rest. Seriously. Oh, I know. We have so much to talk about. We have had a fucking day.

Yeah, you guys want to hear some fucking crazy shit to the short rest to see what we dealt with. And why Emily is the forever hero of the pod. The tree audio queen. My goodness. Thank you so much for listening. You can listen to that short rest over on patreon.com slash nad pod that's any DDPOD. Don't say yet.

Guys, we got a bunch of shows coming up. Yeah, they're do. Yeah. A bunch of these are probably gonna be sold out by the time this has come out, but we'll plug them all anyway. September 10th, we are going to be in Atlanta. September 10th, we are going to be in Atlanta. September 11th, we are going to be in Philly. September 12th, we are going to be in New York.

September 13th. New York, Critty. New York, Critty. Wow. September 13th, we're going to be in Boston and September 14th. We will be in Drumroll everyone. RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP- have our book, Hey You Up, How to Turn Your Booty Call into Emergency, Into Your Emergency Contacts, Available on Amazon and Unautable. I'm always currently reading it to get with Martha Togalt. Right on. I won't have this. I'll dare retract it. Retract it.

And this Amazon review is very, very, very good. Squirted God if this shows up in the Council of Elders. This will go up you late. You can watch Hot Date on me and Emily's sketch show on Netflix. Call the way you got to plug. Oh, I wanna plug Drafi this week. We just posted a new episode of Drogga,

which is the like Dungeons and Dragons adjacent drawing show that we do. So if you're behind on that series or if you've been waiting for that episode, it is there for you now, youtube.com slash Droghi. Hell yeah, dude. Yeah. Jake, what do you got?

I plug a new family business every week now. If you want to do Haven, go check out Olmo, the bakery and restaurant where my sister works. It's so cool. Oh, that's so cute. I want to go there. I love it. Very nice. All right guys, follow us on Twitter at CH Murfesmeat, add called these cuddle, adriacs for Demole, add chakers which is Jake and you can tweet about the show using hashtag nad pod that That's n-a-d-d-p-o-d. We are we are, the youth of the nation, we are we are, the youth of the nation.

Am I gonna have to kill my dad? It's the end of the show everybody and that means I need to shout out our benevolent Council of Elders, starting with Brad D, the only Pebble Pot that isn't Craven, lives in a shed behind the Mayor's Mansion because Brad is too proud to mooch off the family fortune. Jaloma, 72, aka Steelbreaker, hard one's inspiration, though it's going to be hard to keep up with all of Jaloma's sick gains now that Hard One is half-elf. Dylan B. is Sword-Wielding Wizard, surrounded by a floating army of blades at all times,

also surrounded by a positive attitude in a great group of friends. Danny P. Bohumi is resident artist, painted Hard One Senior Portrait at the Dwarfnitch. Fortunately for Hard One, the portrait was destroyed when Iron Deep was attacked. Spencer Caskbrue, patron elder of libations, ale maker to gods and heroes of Bohemia alike, including Melora, who does not like being referred to as a hero or a god, but does like a good pilsner. Beardman Dan, the longest beard in all of Bohemia,

secretly beardman Dan has an extremely small face that just makes their beard look really big, but don't tell anybody. Scott D was also trapped in Glad Sword, but only got to reunite with their dentist, which kinda sucks. Hermes W. the Bad King found Hardwan's old vampire body and kicked it for being a pretender. Spartus, served finger food at the grave robber's meeting, not naval wizard per se, but definitely complicit.

Adam R. the R-rated assassin does every kill in the nude, and yes, they've had a few close calls with the knife. Danielle, the Dasterly Dame, Daniel, is so dasterly she gives Danny advice on how to make passive income so he can continue to accumulate wealth without doing anything. Hugh C, aka, Haldor Frostback, MVP of the Giant Wars, Crude on the SS Stormborn, and fought alongside Elias and Red, currently on the airship, comforting Irland and threatening to kick Bev's ass. Daniel U, aka Multifor, the many-faced magician. Daniel is part of the Grave Roberts and spent a lot of time at Michaels getting all the

material together for all those masks. Jordan DJ, legendary DJ of the realm, Balnor already put into a deposit so that Jordan will MC his wetting with Martha Toe Gold. Jeff Ries, Lord of the Fjord, Born of the Sword, and Original Stormborn. That's right, Jeff changed his name to Stormborn along with Elias and Lydia back in the day, but really regrets it now that their thruple has broken up. Cutter W, a high-elf dandy turned Crick a bark attack to join to the other elves and

defending Hill home and crafted a bunch of neat shields out of bark. John S. A.K. Shubber the Mushroom was consumed by Thialla and is slowly taking over her body soon. Shubber will be Grand Emperor of Bohemia. Ryan M. Hardwan's Ram, who is turning to a rampire when Hardwan bit him. Ryan plans on biting Hardwan, turning him back into a vampire, and totally undoing this episode. Elena C, one of the monster workers who elected to stay in the hell forge, under Ember Heaven Castle. What can I say? Elena just loves the work. Michael McD, head mixologist at the Blumana Inn, and now that the chosen have taken over, Michael has been forced to make mocktails, but is kind of enjoying the challenge. Andrew M. Can

summon any will, trained dog at will, simply by shouting the dog's name and offering it food. Victor T. Bounder's boy, whose loving dad was ripped from his family and transported to another world. Victor turns to the nine hells in desperation, and now he and Bev Sr. are kind of like a reverse Bounder Bev. Metal. Just an eye.

Pentecost's sold roommate who moved out because he doesn't do dishes, only listens to new metal and steals people's souls. Jacob C. a talking bug with a rich backstory that moonshine callously ate during the meeting of the grave robbers. Elena M. Glad's cousin who got their deviated septum fix so they wouldn't sound so nasally when they yell for the light. Mick Pox, the amazing co-master who programmed our website, also helped PandaGost set up a kick-ass website on Angelfire. Earl and Kathleen L, a little half-ling couple who didn't even get woken up when the monsters

invaded Hill home. Because their house fell on them, RIP, Earl, and Kathleen L. Jive G, one of the Shadowfill monsters who went through the portal to the material plane and is trying to lay low. Currently in a very bad disguise, interviewing for jobs in Glade Home. Jostritch, the Joc ostrich. Imagine an ostrich with a super cool pompadour and a letterman jacket just about the hottest ostrich you've ever seen, right?

That's J Just about the hottest ostrich you've ever seen, right? That's... Just about the hottest ostrich you've ever seen, right? That's... Just about the hottest ostrich you've ever seen, right? That's... Just about the hottest ostrich you've ever seen, right? That's...

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That's just about the hottest ostrich you've ever seen, right? That's just about the hottest ostrich you've ever seen, right? That's just about the hottest ostrich you've ever seen, right? That's just about the hottest ostr gnome that ever lived, standing at 6 feet 8 inches tall. Devin B, the bodega lord, no matter how drunk you get, do not eat the tuna salad from Devon's store, it has been there for eons. Sergio, Salazar, Salomon, Sarkar, Sarkarius, D, Sekwani, 7th of his name, a sexy Peruvian snake folk with sweet snake patterns on his skin. Interestingly enough, Sergio has a pet snake with human patterns on his skin.

Michael L, an elf who plays electric violin in the band Yellow Bard. Their music is on regular rotation in the solo cup. CMA, Jalana's dealer, and actively avoiding frantic speaking stone messages from hard one about if they've got arcane, do not respond Sam. Traile the cray-fay who thinks the beach is just okay? I'm with you, Traile. It's relaxing and beautiful, yes, but hard to get to, and Sam can be a lot. Aaron G. Master the banishment spell. Aaron orders pizza with every topping and then just banishes whatever they don't want.

It truly simplifies the ordering process. Joriasa Jacked Wizard. Recently decided, fuck it. My jaw's chiseled as hell and I'm done hiding it behind this huge beard. You look awesome, Jorii. Alucard, reverse Dracula. Alucard actually does blood transfusions because they are constantly spitting blood into their victims. Baby Doc, the only doctor to ever perform their own

C-section, they also remove their mom's infected gall bladder on the way out just for the hell of it. Atom H, vice dark lord of Shadowfell is mostly just a title with no real responsibility, but it's definitely a rung on the ladder to becoming Dark Lord. Ryan, hard one's ram, Ryan suffered only a flesh wound, which they called an honor, and is now back to full health. Happy to have given hard one a small snack of their own blood. Thanks, Ryan. Big buck, pregnant elk moonshine's elk and baby, moonshine is so fertile that big buck is also pregnant.

Richard F, after plunging into the crag water abyss, Richard was born anew as a mighty crack in, Richard lived to 14 before the band of boobs hacked them to pieces in Shadowfell. Richard X Mockena introduced the Crick to scratch off lottery tickets to this day, no one has cast in a winner, but it's only because Crick folk just enjoy scratchin. Troy McSee, a half-ling therapist who is currently helping Irland work through some of his demons. The kid is developing trust issues, but Troy is doing everything they can to nip that in the bud. Cannibalism Cthulhu is absolutely known to eat people, but what you might not know is

they also have a sweet tooth. Cthulhu loves to have ice cream after eating your loved ones. Sam L, a dwarf with a beard so long they can wear it as clothing, but Sam is done trying to use it as shoes. Last time they tried that, they stepped in dog shit. Dom are a soda genosy. Dom has gotten rich off of bottling themselves and adding just a hint of pump-l-mousse. I'll drink Dom all day.

Josh S, the revived cyborg version of Josh the Cobalt, robot Josh is made of iron so heavy that moonshine wouldn't own no weight, yeah she just threw him off a tower. Blitzbreak Demetri, owner of Dorgers Big Borgher, Demetri just opened up a drive-through but had to remove a full wall of their restaurant because that Borgher ain't fitting through a friggin window. Caleb Storm, Cup Baron, Cords Great Hall, also Bear of Cords, Cords, Caleb is amazing at keeping Cords speaking Hall, also Bear of Cords, Cords, Caleb is amazing at keeping Cords speaking stone, charged.

Nicholas C has started every single movie ever made in Bahumia, did the score for their latest flick and all critics agreed it was an utter disaster. My Gage, a stage mage, kind of like David Copperfield, only Mike's magic will fully kill you. Kevin asked a centaur that exclusively wears Heelies. Kevin's favorite party trick is to skate in circles and say they're horsing around. Matthew E, a trinnyfail food scientist who is doing everything they can to make Butterfinger BBs a little less rich and dense. Everyone loves them, but they're not flying off the shelf fast enough because you are full for weeks after consuming

just one God's speed, Matt. Samuel B, a rogue who sneaks into every Nicksy movie and has never been caught, a movie is being made of Samuel's life and it will start Nicksy and Samuel will see it for free. Till for G. Author, the hit children's book and movie, Elf Gargos Punch, also helped Beverly Toggle the first write his book about how to kill Beverly Toggle the fourth. Guardian of the light, Zach H. Bohumi is only Keyblade wielder, Zach also has a Fob which is way less deadly, but lets them get into their garage. Curtis S lived in the gym before Pendergreens, it's actually Curtis's George Forman in there and Curtis wants it back. Colton B and Elf who fought alongside a Gwein and who

a Gwein said actually didn't suck super bad, which is the equivalent of getting a purple heart. Yens Christian T, a Trinstagram star who just challenged Jens Lindell to a televised dance battle, first one to botch and move and expose their genitals automatically forfeits. K Jam, a Shadowfell monster who made it through the portal and then instantly deserted their post, currently laying low and smuggler's bounty, waiting for this whole war with theala thing to blow over. Aaron C. the deceased, known moves body-hardmoned refusery incarnate into, currently floating in the afterlife equivalent of a doorfinage waiting patiently for a new host. Montana Monarch, a Feywild butterfly best known for their catchphrase, Collector of the

Nectar. L.N.D., the fiercest woman in Bohemia, Ellen wields a six-foot broadsword that so wide it doubles as her kitchen table upon which she serves the flesh of her foes and also sometimes guac. T.J.M, the gnome barbarian. One punch from T.J.'s mighty miniature fists will give even the strongest foes a Charlie horse. RPKB, R2D2's less helpful cousin, hangs out with a bronze humanoid robot who cleans bathrooms for a living. Their name? P. Swe. K.B. R2D2's less helpful cousin hangs out with a bronze humanoid robot who cleans bathrooms for a living.

Their name? P.Sweepio. Taylor S.AK, Trash the Traveler, basically the travelosity gnome of Bohomia and honor and privilege they do not take lightly. Anime Intellect has piccolo from Dragon Ball Z's phone number, but is super cool about it. Zolo Dolo, Kid Cobalt's bodyguard, who is too busy hooking up with the trists who rejected hardwond to stop their boss from getting bitten. Joshua Sia, Bohumi and Folkl legend, all children know that if they don't finish their dinner, Joshua

Sia will eat their dad, which may seem like overkill, but you can't argue with the results. The Risa J, owner of the mythical one-sided die, rolling this die will bring about the apocalypse and cause the world itself to critically fail. Dylan CM, the wannabe DM, a person who hates playing and only wants to be the dungeon master aka the hero this world needs. Kelvin Noodles, the pasta elemental, fires incredibly hot orbs of meat at their foes upon a hit if the enemy proclaims that that's a spicy meat to ball, they add 12-6 of damage. B-Money, Boundorse, hip-hop,hop alter ego invented a new dance move that sweeping Bohemia called

the Tuna Melt. Andrew A. runs the shelter where Erdban adopted a skeleton cat. Don't worry though, it was dead when he got it. J. Former owner of the graphics scroll shop in Hill Home and current owner of a fat insurance payout. Heartless Masters warn enemy of the heart full master, a man whose only crimes are caring too much and also stealing and eating people's hearts. CC Lulu, maker of Shay's favorite yoga pants they dissolve sweat even after hours of intense

trancing. Paul B, a carot's assistant, Paul is in charge of cleaning the eye sockets of all the anti-paladins, the trick is use a scented oil and also not have a gag reflex. Barnes & Aitor, the strongest barn in all of Bohemia, only the buffest of cow, swillest of chickens, and most shredded of pork may dwell within their walls. Shane M., a dwarf who runs the Iron Deep Iron Depot, it's a story that specializes in raw metals, but they also have a lovely selection of succulents. Yasmin aka the Asmanian Devil, Yasmin is an arched demon sworn to ill said their main job is to pretend to lose its ports to Akarat.

Trigger happy old Cobbs ancestor in the original Crick Gunslinger before Trigger came along. Everyone at the Crick just threw guns like Boomerangs. Eric G, inventor of the Spell, Eric's huge hut, it's like Liam and Tiny Hut except this hut is way smaller on the inside. Sure, it might be impractical, but it's also stupid. Jackalobotty, a strange creature that's currently being served for dinner at the Frostwind Dwarfnidge. Zach C recently pulled off the biggest bank heist the Crick has ever seen, that's right, seven brown leaves. Aiden R, the bossy Janasi, who loves to watch Degrazi refusing to watch this beloved Canadian drama with Aiden will spell your doom.

Jeremy are the bartending assassin for the SS Stormborn, Jeremy keeps all their alcohol and sky blue bottles and all their poison in serulian ones. This is never backfired and is in fact a good plan. L.E.K. runs a salvage ship that dredges lakes for sacred artifacts, Ellie found, like, 15 cursed rings of power just last week. Luke H, a cobbler who polymorphs people instead of actually making boots, it turns out leather in Bohumia is expensive. Ritter and Kalka's new master, Ritter and as a cancou, who calls themselves Kalka's

mother, and honestly it's a little creepy. I'm hopeless, a down on their luck adventurer who is currently hanging out at the Hungary Trout, Tavern waiting for someone to give them a quest, here's hoping some frogs steal some teens. Timmy R, Pentecost's high school bully who turned him into a total monster, we have you to thank for all his angst, Timmy. Alex M, a tiny spider who got sucked into the Shadowfell portal only to be squished by Martha Togold. Sorry Alex. Cassandra MHP, aka Cassandra Max HP. Cassandra has such high constitution they can just hop back and forth through the Shadowfell

portal all day without barfing. Cody John H. the big monster that glad built the bone thrown from. Nice bones Cody. Aaron RS once ate two Butterfinger BBs of feet that caused Onyx to faint and Nyak to vomit. Lucas B, a drunken monk who recently got sober and now sucks at fighting, hit the sauce Lucas. Rubenay, one of the all his angels who became disillusioned and left the church but got to keep the wings. Cool. Jordan L, a tuba player who performed ad Gemma and JV's wedding, Jordan also played music for the betting ceremony, which was honestly unnecessary.

Laurie S, recently polymorph their landlord into a shoe, which was funny at first, but now they have to pay rent to a shoe. Jay Parker, the first player to hit a so-so sick trick, playing the Giant Shredder game at Smuggler's Bounty, unfortunately it was so sick that a glitch trapped them in the game forever. Austin C. The Jester Mage, a sorcerer who imbues items with wild magic and wreaks havoc on the world, Hard One is deeply interested in meeting them mostly because they definitely have arcane. Austin MR, aka the Butcher known as Bonsa, contrary to their name, actually butchers all their meat with their own teeth. Just a pissed off trist aka touch it no longer under the bare prints of spell but decided

they liked the sisterhood of tristes and is traveling the Feywild finding new sisters for the Tristorhood. Kaylee Elise, the honey queen with a heart of gold, it's not a euphemism, Kaylee's heart is 24 karat and diamond studded. Dave H, bailan the bar to traveling bar that follows the band of boobs around singing the tales of their exploits, puts out a hat for tips, but it's actually a hat of holding and they are loaded. Kelvin, a traveling doggo man, is giving out doggies, trying to give one to moonshine, but pop-all got real competitive.

Dev and W. Half or Koo fights with a spork and guess what their shield is? That's right, a pizza box. Their AC is very low. Chris H. also running to become the Dark Lord of Shadowfell, started a smear campaign against the widow claiming that Lydia is soft on monsters. Shinowa B. a tricky child who took the actor feet, but only to help them fake sick to get out of school.

Nick S. aka Old Creek Nick, the strangest guy at the creek, lives on the outskirts of town with their pet rat and is rumored to possibly be everyone's daddy. Sam H. The Half Elf, who gave Hard One their body, Sam, we think you look great no matter how much Hard One takes here for granted. Quinn G, a fire genossi who would like to remind everyone that it is impolite to light your cigarette on a fire genossi without asking first. Jared E. Bubbles veterinarian, and yes before you ask, Jared is a vet that specializes in zombie pets. Dubia Estre, a Gwayne's aero smith, who has a bunch of poison-dipped arrows waiting for her next time she levels up.

Brian Pentegos' former roommate made Pentegos take his pull-up bar down because he never used it and Pentegos threw a fit. That galfa, the drunk monk and enlightened drunken master Watergenautsy, can't visit California during drought season because everyone keeps trying to drink them. Her Majesty Clodette, the royal kitten of Glateron, more than just a cute pet, Her Majesty Clodette is also the Minister of Finance. Carbureau, Chapel Hill, FPV, a rogue who's amazing at hiding everything but their emotions. Can conceal their entire body and broad daylight, but can't pretend they're not mad when they aren't invited to game night. Still, FPV, a rogue who's amazing at hiding everything but their emotions can conceal

their entire body and broad daylight, but can't pretend they're not mad when they aren't invited to game night. Persephone was next in line for reincarnation after Hardwine got stuck with the known body Hardwine rejected, and finally, Prince of Ravens, contrary to their name, Prince of Ravens is actually a human who lords over a bird bath full of Ravens. Thank you guys so much for listening. We'll be back next week with another episode. You can head on over to our Patreon

to listen to our short rest. Thank you to all of our subscribers. Thank you to all of our councilvelders. We'll catch you guys next time. That was a Hate Gum podcast.