Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 77: Enter the Nine Hells (The Hellfire Chronicles)

Episode Date: October 3, 2019

The Band of Boobs enter the ruby portal after Alanis and find themselves in an inhospitable place! Hardwon puts his dwarven minecart experience to work, Moonshine loses herself in dance, and Beverly learns about 69ing. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content! Get tickets to our upcoming live shows at naddpod.com/live.Music/Sound Effects Include:"Unknown Tome" by Emily Axford. "Salice's Conundrum" by Emily Axford."The Vast Expanse" by Emily Axford."Deal with a Devil" by Emily Axford. "The Bronze Bastard" by Emily Axford. "Buzzer's Cutters" by Emily Axford. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Humeya. Humeya. Humeya. starry cloak. Oh very good. And of course called all tanning. Oh Beverly toe gold the fifth traveling the cosmos in a giant husk and feeling like an insignificant piece of dust. Oh interesting. I was trying to come up with a rhyme for husk and musk because I wanted to talk about the Husk Musk, but nothing came to me. We'll get to it. I feel like it'll come up to the end of the show.

Oh, I know. I got one right now from Don to a desk in the Husk Musk. That's very good. It's really doesn't make sense. No, it doesn't. Let's make a candle called Husk Musk. Okay, that's it. Yeah, it's a product.

Cool guys, check that out in the merch store. NedPod.com slash store. No, it's at store.com, store.nadpod.com. Sorry, I'm wrong. Or shop.nadpod.com. Just, I just, I, I ask mom's kind to Google and I'll take you right to our store. Which is shop.nadpod.com.

That's right, made with 100% cicadas. Yeah, and again, you can find that at nadpod.go slash store dot store dot access. Just think just think husk musk hard enough and your smartphone will find Yeah, I'm so glad the all it didn't kill us. Oh guys, let's do deserve death. You do you really do guys It's still a little recap. So last week, you guys did battle with Thialla and her angel minions in the Astral Keep. You got off to a rough start being unable to hit the goddess while she healed her angel minions.

But finally, you began picking them off. Thialla then called in the big guns, specifically the wizard Alonus, sporting a white circle that looked to be controlling her. Alonus let out a horrible burst of psychic energy, destroying the astral keep and sending all of its inhabitants scattered into a psychic storm. After a brief encounter, you jumped off into space to escape theala, leaving Ulfgar to hold her off.

Balnor and hard one were blown off to a mysterious floating cave, and Moon Shining Bev took shelter in a giant floating husk where they Smells great Amongst the husk musk they met Salis the Githzerai monk Salis Skried and found that hard one in Balnor were at the mouth of the elderbrains cave, the leader of a race called the Mind Flare. You teleported to them, then escaped on the floating husk, where Salis shared more of the ancient knowledge of her race. She explained that the universe was created by the explosion of a magical element, the larger

chunks of those elements were called divine hearts, and created the gods. Theala ascended to godhood by stealing Asmodius's divine heart. Salus then helped you scry on your friends to ensure everyone's safety when you saw Alonus floating into a plain-argate of rippling, Ruby energy, she was smirking and her eyes were clear, making it unlikely that she was brainwashed at that moment.

And that's where we are now. So you guys are on this Goblin God's husk floating through the astral plane with Salis right now. What's that? It's a heavenly aroma. Are you referring to the husk musk? Hard one smells his armpits. Actually, hard one. Can you just rub your armpit up

against that, I think you'd do wonders. Wonders. Ah, yes, the sexual energy of the gods outlast their physical forms. I don't need any help in that department. I rub a bunch on my armpit. Aromatic, aphrodisiac. I eat the little...

Salus looks at you hard on. What's your deal? Just sort of a hard one. Yeah, I'm a bit of a lothorio back in the moral realm. Careful hard once you can scry. Oh, easy. You're gonna go in and roll. And inside check for her, she goes,

flyers, I'm sort of a sapiosexual. And I don't think you're very smart. I don't know if we should follow this person. They're not very bright themselves. Anyway, it looks like your friend, Alonus, is heading into the nine hills. Oh, that's going. that is where that ruby Pool will take you all right huddle up y'all okay, let's go. We let's go up y'all

Do we just want to dive into that portal? Straight to hell If that's where it goes one way ticket, baby Before we do that though, should we check in on where Ulfgar might be? Oh yes. Oh wise one. Oh wise, sapiosexual. Not that was. Not that was. I'm pretty wise. I think a sapiosexual would be attracted to me unlike you. Me? Well, I'm talking to hard ones. Oh, will you scriry on Ulfgar? She nods, she pulls into her trance.

You guys see Ulfgar looking extremely injured on a floating asteroid, and he is being healed by Mima. Mima, thank you. Oh, goodness. Should we try to meet up with them, Ron and I boo with them before we jump into help? That sounds like a great plan to me.

Well, first off, Salis looks at you guys and goes, they are nowhere near us at this moment. They are near a different Plainar Gate. You see, Me Ma is healing all fgar up, and you see that they are near a planar gate that is light orange and it is sort of affecting the gravity around it. It's not as violent as these sort of vortex that you saw around the rubigate but this one it looks like the asteroid that Mima is on is floating around this orange gate. And you see that as she's waking off-guard up, she goes,

all right, we need to go in there, we need to get Lucana out. And off-guard goes, You got me up, I owe you everything. If this guy can get us out of the astral plane, we gotta get to him. Mima nods. Hey, where's that one going? Yeah.

Can we scry on Lukonis? Is he in trouble? She tries to scry for you. You see she meditates for a beat and then she just shakes her head and she goes, it is very difficult for me to locate people who are on planes that aren't the astral plane or the material plane.

You know what plane does that gate go to? Yeah, that's what I'm gonna ask. That plane our gate leads to a plane called Asheron. Asheron? A haven for war like deities. Sounds less than great. Oh, Monica has no business hanging out with a bunch of war like deities. You know, you do know moonshine.

Moonshine, if you scry on Mima, Mima would get an idea that you were looking after her. Oh, yeah, I got the size. Cool. I guess I'm going gonna scry on the size. Okay, great. You scry on Mima using, I think she has a scry dagger. Munchan, you feel Mima accept the scry. She doesn't try to do a saving throw or anything. You scry on her.

You can't speak to her, but you see her look out into space. She goes, Moonshine, if that's you, I want you to know, I've got Ulfgar here with me, and we're gonna be okay. We're going in after your daddy. As soon as we can heal him up, he'll be able to teleport,

we'll be able to get out. Don't worry about us, and you hear Ulfgar go, who wears Mo moonshine? And Mima goes, it's a spell thing. I never understood that stuff. So I can just kind of talk wherever he just waves. Ulf Garg you're the man. You're the man.

Can't hear just two fucking idiots talking back and forth. All I'm seeing is this chin. I hear her fist bump. Please. And Ulfgar just shouts out into the abyss going, don't worry about your mom. We'll look out for each other. He's holding the sky dagger horizontally.

She'd do it vertically. That's better. It's better picture quality. OK, so I release the sky. I don't feel good about this though. I think that if they're going to Acheron, we can't let Alana go to the 9 Hells by herself. I know she's been there once before, but we don't know what state of mind she's in. I know, I know it's the right thing to do.

It's just hard. I feel like that's the first time my mom has ever called my dad, my dad, like that. So familiar. Yeah. I don't know. All right. I trust them. They're brave.

They're strong. They know what they're doing. They're in good hands. Damn, maybe your parents are gonna get back together. Hahaha. My mom rules, uh, Chattapho. So there's not really a chance of that happening. Hard one kicks a rock in space.

Hey, hey, maybe show me Mary You don't know Thanks, Bev, that makes me feel a lot better That will be awesome to have a cool monster as a stepdad Yeah Do you want me to see if your mom remarried it? You don't know jack shit No, quit scrying on my mom, only I can do that

Scrying your mom. Can I scrying my mom? Yeah, you scrying your mom. You see that she is leading some skeletons in combat training. She's getting the troops ready. Do any discolotins look like maybe they're looking at her a little more intimately? Yeah, is there any one on one happening? There does, there isn't assistant skeleton that kind of puts his arm around her in a familiar way when they're talking. Look over your shoulder when you scry on your mom.

Yes, you did. You shouted into my scrouse. It's talking to Beverly. Then it's a go. That skeleton is making moves. I hang out really fast. You see Salas goes in regards to the gates to the nine hells. We have noticed besides Alonus going into it

some other suspicious activity. This husk that we're on at the moment is not the only god husk that once floated in the astral plane. And recently, Ims from the Nine Hells have been coming out to collect them and drag them into hell. Oh, that is bad behavior. So there's a bunch of these husks in hell? There, perhaps there could be a whole layer of husks in there. They're gonna be making like undead gods down there.

Yeah, they're just harvesting husks. Hmm. Il said, wasn't an ecromancer when he was on the material plane. I don't know what he's capable of now that he is ruler of the Nine Hels. Well, I guess we gotta find out. Yeah. Right after I scribe my mom. Yeah. Yeah, scry your mom.

Scry your mom. I'm on to a gold. You see, your mom is making sticky buns while Nana Kindleaf is in the other room sitting by the fire. Hey, don't yeah, where are the sticky buns? You gotta bring me the sticky buns. Such a fresh chow. Are there any baker's assistance?

Yeah, like any bachelor look. Wait, okay, okay. Okay. You know what, let me roll for. It's funny when it was a skeleton. Let me roll for a young hot man. Yeah, there's four. There's a Scout Master Denny is there.

Oh, why? Oh, why? Ah! And, well, you know what? I think it could be a lot of help around the house. Now that, you know, there's no man in the house. And Martha Tilgolz goes, I don't need any man here. Okay, Denny, see yourself out.

And she removes Denny from the way mom. I love you. Stay strong. We better go into hell before this, but it should get to any worse guy. It's true. Mom, I love you. Stay strong. We better go into hell before this play. This shit gets any worse guy. It's true. Dini's being strangely steadfast about this.

Dyer Straits, we are in. All right, um, Salis, I think we're gonna go for the portal. Is there anything we can give you to help you? We've got like a death plan. In a battle with the elder brain? Yeah. I believe the Gith Zerai and the Gith Yonky working together will be able to take her out. I guess the only thing I would ask of you is your advice. Should I Join my people in uniting with our enemies against a common foe. You know we haven't been great about that thus far.

Yeah, but I also think that our situations are different. You can distill things down to their specifics and they can sound alike, but I don't know enough of your enemies to say if they would be They're real knobs Well a knob is way better than Space I've been sitting here looking out sitting all the stars and shit making me feel small Gotta be honest. Can I do a little like contract check with the time limit Been a greens is jet lagged

I don't know how much a day comes okay on the actual plane Listen, there's a lot at stake. All of knowledge, honestly. I think if you think you can win with them, then you should go for it. But if we can give you anything to help so that you don't have to rely on them as much, then we'd love to. Hard one. You might not be a sapiosexual, but you're really good at pissing off the elder brain. Why don't you write some quips for Salis to say?

I'd love to. I grab a pen and paper and I hand them to Beverly and I say, but my hands are tired and I'll have to dictate them. Of course. I subscribe. Okay, we prepare some real freaking zingers. Sweet. They're all just, it'll be five minutes. No, actually, you know what, it's gonna be six. I got caught in some husk traffic, it's 10 minutes. I know what we can give her.

I take out my jar of stars. Ah! How are they looking? They are turning into big slugs. These are some of the most formidable opponents I ever went up against. If you can get them on your side, they will aid you. And I don't doubt that you're on.

Start spawn, first one. Oh, you hate to see them go. I know. Fascinating creatures. I, at the very least, they will keep me company. Much like you, they are a hive mind No, well, no preachers just shitting everywhere He'd their advice knew this was gonna be hard

So off to hell with us then yeah Yeah. So off to hell with us then. Yeah, let's go to hell. Is that what you guys are thinking? Hey, it's either hell or floating here on this rock and space. You know what, this is my advice to you. See what we're doing right now? The three of us are kind of having it out in a chat.

That's my advice to you. Is that have a chat with your people. I did have a chat with them and then they were very upset with me for going against the collective and beat the shit out of me with reads if you'll remember correctly. It's your murder reads, yes. Okay, yeah. I guess I thought that was like maybe a different infraction, but that makes sense.

All right. I guess I don't have the advice for you. Very well. I shall meditate on it. If you find out though, let me know. If you find out like a really good answer that could be applied to anyone in this abstract situation, let me know. I was keeping touch. I shakingly write down my address. It just says stump. Go ahead and make an intelligent check. Okay.

14. 14. You're able to do it. You write your old address at the creek. 14 14 you're able to do it. He right your old address at the creek Yeah, just let me know She nods There's something important about being a single mind in a sea of many. Mm-hmm. Don't lose yourself She nods. Yeah, don't lose yourself. I don't need to hear from you It's just more like you know a gravitas when he says it I guess yeah, like, you know, a gravitas when he says it, I guess. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, consider what I said about the nine hells if you ever get the chance to take up the mantle. Okay. Hopefully we've got some time to think about it, but your wisdom won't be wasted. Yeah. She nods. Be safe for us. Safe as you can be going to hell.

Thank you. You want to steer this husk so we can sort of jackknife in. Bringing a husk that close to husk country might be dangerous, but I'll try my best. Oh, I see, I see. We can get your husk within, you know, hopping distance and then you could just hop into the portal. Yeah. Jackknife, but yeah. You can park in the remote lot and we can walk. Right.

Um, have we taken a rest or should we take a rest? So you guys can take a rest while you guys are quite far away at this point because you guys teleported. So while you guys rest, um, Salis directs the husk with your mind towards the planar vortex and you guys get all your stuff back. Yes, you guys are able to rest Get all that stuff back the question is do we want to start our morning off with a hero's feast? Then I zealots trans to get the spell slot back Moon why wouldn't we you know why then let's do it start your morning off y'all wake up, I'm making breakfast. A space breakfast. Oh, wow, I feel like I transferred 10 hours.

You did, dumbass. Your shirt's on backwards. How'd you do that? I'm surprised because I went to bed without a shirt on at all. So you guys see in the not far distance is the red color pool. It looks like a bright red star in the near distance. Everyone's hip point max increases by 13.

Woo! Oh my God. All right, we'll go ahead and have a baby. Hey, I'm here. Oh, hey, Balnor. Balnor, have any thoughts about the fate of the world and the clashing of different destinies and all that stuff?

Well, figure we couldn't kill a Theola, so let's kill Ilsaid. All right. Okay, yeah, that's nice and simple. I like that. Bound more the wise. The fish goes off in his bag. If I play here, it hasn't gone off in so long.

We've changed it. It's got to mind its own. If I did play here, it hasn't gone off in so long. We've just insted. It's got to mine its own. If I just play here, do you think it's because we're close to hell? Maybe we should give that to Salis. That would drive the elder brain crazy. Ooh. This thing is hilarious. Try to steal the memories of this fish, right?

This might be just the weapon we need, she grabs this. If I play here, if I just play here... Ha ha ha, very funny. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'll miss this fucking fish. Careful. Hard one, give her the fish. It's stealing her hand. Dive into hell with the fish. It's stealing her hand. Dive into hell with the fish. Dive into hell with the fish.

Dive into hell with the fish. As we're slowly approaching, I will go ahead and do an inspiring speech. Ooh. So he just flutting to our tail. What is your speech? Let's hear it. You know when you're weightless, you really think about the weight of your actions

and then an asteroid hits me in the face. And I start spinning. It makes me laugh so hard that I glow with extra hip points. I almost threw up my hero's breakfast. I think I start spinning and then I puke and then like I basically do like a windmill of puke. Wow. It's gonna make me puke, I found our pukes and also get Scott in a windmill of puke.

It is inspiring. I'm being propelled by the puke. Quick, does anyone know what physics works? So you guys, 16 extra hit points. You guys hop off the husk and are pulled into this Plainar of Ortex. You see the asteroid debris around this color pool is spinning like a whirlpool. The material of it looks like liquid. The Plainar gate looks like liquid, but when you hit it, you feel nothing. It's like going through an open window.

And immediately you are falling. This swirling red gate hangs in a sky of black and gray clouds. Some of them look orange, reflecting the fiery landscape below. Luckily for you, you're only falling about 100 feet. The portal almost looks like a sunset hanging low in the sky, but unlike some optical illusion where the earth is,

moving it and it only appears that the sun is dipping, this portal physically hangs low in the sky and then extends upward. So what do you guys do as you're falling? You want to see? I want to grab on a hard one, because I know it's got feather, a ring.

Yeah, I feel it right. How many people can you do with that? I don't know, I was just gonna put my body onto him. Sweet. You grab on a hard one. You guys start falling faster, but still not as fast as you would normally. I'll feather fall myself in Belmore.

Great. Oh, sweet. Yes, feather fall, you guys land safely on the ground. You see the ground here is hot and covered in ash. The smell is a fire and brimstone and blood fill the air as well as the sounds of screams and the clanging of steel. The landscape is menacing. There are cracks in the ground under which a bright orange molten lava peaks out.

There are rivers and pools of it. Tall peaks shoot out from the ground. Everything is uneven and pools of it. Tall peaks, shoot out from the ground. Everything is uneven and craggy. You see in the distance, several battles taking place. Mortals wielding simple weapons, being commanded by devils piloting infernal war machines. These armored vehicles, with spiked wrecking balls, bulldozers that scoop mortals and drop them in the lava,

steam rollers that crush foes, the mortals all seem possessed. They have no concept of preservation, just launching themselves forward at these menaces. There's just fucking chaos all around you. Bev, so your book, kind of, if you pull that out, it has info on the different layers of hell and whatnot. Can I kind of get a sense at which layer we're in? Yeah, here in the first level.

So this first level, the mortals here are caught in an endless war. Some of them have committed obscene acts in the name of war. Some may deals with devils for prowess on the battlefield. These mortals act as minions to devil warlords. Their mortal forms are reborn each day, but who they fight for can change. The devils who control them carry soul coins. One for each mortal soul they control. One for each mortal soul they control.

The devils are constantly competing for soul coins to gain power and influence with the hopes of descending to a lower level of hell. The Devils want to go to a lower level. And the mortals just are fighting. The mortals are just mindless. God, there's like a pyramid scheme amongst the Devils. Or there's like a hierarchy amongst the devils. I guess so.

This place sucks. I thought Shadowfell was bad. This place really sucks. So immediately upon landing on the ground and kind of getting your bearings, Bev fills you in kind of on what's going on here. Probably did a bit of reading the night before, knowing that you guys were going to arrive in the first layer of hell. And seeing as mortal souls are valued so highly, it should be no surprise that there are

nefarious folk waiting near this plain-our gate. You see three devils on two-wheeled, infernal war machines that look like motorcycles riding towards you. They are covered. We're going to need those bikes, guys. They are covered in black leather. They're long, unkempt hair, flies in the wind. They have horns and forked tails, but no wings that you can see. One is purple and spinning a chain. In one hand,

one is green and standing on her moving vehicle, doing a six stunt, and a red one leads the charge. You're all gonna fucking die! Give your souls over to Buzzers Cutters, bitch! Everybody go ahead and roll initiative. I don't need to roll initiative, I give my soul over. You can do that. Whatever you do, don't get scooped. Hi, I'm going, I've got 10.

13. 20. Woo! Hard one, you are first. Did they have jackets to say buzzers cutters on the other hand? I'm going I've got 10 13 20 Hard one you are first. Did they have jackets that say buzzers cutters? Yeah The green one who is dancing on top of her motorcycle turns around check it's a fuck out First time I'm glad I can't read Buzzer is in the front riding towards you. Remember, remember Dead Eye, just because they look cool, doesn't mean they're cool.

We have a rad aesthetic, we're not going to do anything weird. I mean, Dead Eye, we were able to win over. You know what? Let's try to change their minds in hearts. Exactly what I was saying. I'm going to swing my hammer at the guy in the front. This dude rides up to you on his infernal motorcycle. Go ahead and as he approaches, take an attack. Shout out to the two crew.

That's not gonna do it. And two slow dude. I really hate you 27. 27, that'll do it man. That one's fast enough. Are you going after the bike or you're going after him? Oh, I want to try to knock him off the bike. Don't wreck the bike. Yeah, okay, so you're just hitting him. Yeah, I'm gonna hit him Okay, hope that he falls off 14 damage 14 damage one more swing on him

26 to hit that hits 21 damage. Nice. Mess him right up. As he rides by you, he goes, check out this fucking trick dude. He opens his mouth, unhinges his jaw, and you see a giant hell wasp comes out.

That's the giant freak monster wasp with talons like knives and it is going to take some... That trick actually is sick. That's the most sick trick I've ever... Y'all have some sick trick. That's sick. You need some bismol or something. Yeah, that can't have felt good inside.

Right, were you eating the bug? It hurts every time. The bug controlling you. It's fucking hurts, man. That's why I'm buzzer. Don't eat eggs. I sped up freaking wasps. We what are all their names again? It's buzzer. You don't know the other big names yet. So this one's buzzer. This is, these are your cutters. This is buzzer. Yeah. Buzz buzzer. These are my cutters. This is your cutters, this is buzzer. Yeah, buzzer, these are my cutters. This is rip chain and dance saw. Dance saw. Dance saw, you should really have your own gang.

I don't feel like you should be a buzzer's cutter. Yeah, dance saw, I feel like you deserve the spotlight. I think so too. She dances on top of her motorcycle. This hell wasp misses with its fucking talons and then tries to sting you and does successfully sting you. I hate fucking wasps. Are you scared of wasps, dude? Hard one's not Jake is. That is 15 damage and go ahead and give me a constitution saving throw. Oh shit. Nat 20. Nat 20. That'll do it. You're okay. Yeah. Um, you know what? I think

I'm going to use my hellish rebuke on this little fly. Sweet. Yeah. Um, it is a munifier. Uh, it takes no damage. He fucking loves this stuff, man. Hell yeah, dude. Smoke drugs, ride motorcycles. I should have known the hellish review who wouldn't work in hell. Yeah, we're in hell dude, get used to it! Does it suck it? Learn a freaking ice spell nerd! He's gonna take two short sword attacks on you.

That is a 23 to hit, that's gonna hit. Does. That is nine damage on the first attack, takes a second attack and misses. That is Bev's turn. first attack, takes a second attack, and misses. That is Bebs turn. I will see you one seated, and I will see this be Dance Salves cutters. We're actually all super competitive, so that's possible. At least we're having fun.

Yeah, dude. So we got Purple One Green one and a Red one. The Red one is the chain one? No, the Purple one is the chain one. Oh no the purple one is the chain Purple one is a chain one red one is buzzer who just threw up a fucking hell wasp You know you got to respect the craft Respect throw it a bugs man I

Want to misty step right onto a motorcycle and try not one of them off. Okay, which one? Dan Saul, because she's standing up. She is standing up. Okay, go ahead and make an opposed athletics check against Dan Saul. Everly, not Dan Saul, that's who we have to install as the new leader. I'm getting her out of here. Athletics, you said? Yeah.

Okay, 15. 15 does not do it for Dan Saul. As you, as you misty step up to dance saw she does a spinning twirl kick and kicks you off You fucking lie dude You said you wanted me to be the leader, but you're trying to steal my ride You deserve a better ride you deserve a mazerotic least fuck off go to hell man Chain deal with this nerd. That's Rip chain's turn. Rip chain rides forward. See how they follow Dan's song.

Yeah. Rip chain rides forward. You're not my fucking boss, but I'm gonna do it anyway, because it's a good idea. Spin's a chain and tries to catch Bev with it. That is a 22 to hit. Ooh, that hits.

Beverly, a chain wraps around your neck and you begin to getting pulled by this motorcycle. I'm gonna say it took him about 60 feet to get there. He has another 60 feet. So he drags, bevel, way, 60 feet. And Bev, you are gonna take a D4 of damage for every 10 feet. He's gonna take 64 of damage.

I hate chain enemies. He's holding the chain, right? Yeah. Bev, you take 23 damage and you are grappled being pulled by this motorcycle. That is moonshine's turn. Okay. I'm within 90 feet of this guy on the motorcycle

that's speeding away, right? Rip chain, yeah. Okay. What are you gonna do to me? I've got your friend. I would like to cast watery spear. Like, I want to like anticipate where he's driving to and then cast watery spear. Okay.

So that it basically is like a watery prison. I can read the description, but basically he either has to make a strength save. If he fails the strength save, he's ejected from the spot anyways, but if he fails, then it's like a watery prison that holds him. So that his motorcycle will keep going. Stop. No, his motor, I guess it would stop because his hands wouldn't be on the thing, but basically he would get knocked off of his motorcycle. He rolls a natural aid, he fails his strength.

Okay, so he's now in a prison of water and ideally the motorcycle like spurts out from underneath his legs. Sweet, the motorcycle just keeps going. I wanna run after the motorcycle. Yeah, sweet. It's gonna, let me roll to see how far the motorcycle gets before it tips over, it's gonna be like instantaneous.

Okay, I'm gonna say motorcycle goes nine gets before it tips over. It's gonna be like instantaneous. Okay, I'm gonna say motorcycle goes nine feet before it falls over. You see, Rip chain is trapped in this watery prison. Oh no, I hate being in water, jail. And then moonshine, it's gonna take you. He went 60 feet with Bev and then it went another nine feet. So it's 69 feet away. Oh, I'm so running.

They all start howling. These guys are kind of radical. I know, I'm into your vibe, y'all, if you could just be on the right side. I have chills. I'm running after that because also like now I can move them around in the sphere. It's gonna water each beer.

So might as well get near him anyways. Okay, that is Dance Saw's turn. Dance Saw looks at you, Moon Shine, and goes, Hey, why don't you leave Rip-chan alone in freaking chill out. Learn how to dance, man. Um, she's gonna cast Autos Irresistible Dance on you. You choose one creature that you can see within range.

The target begins a comic dance in place. Shuffling, tapping its feet, and capering for the duration. Creatures that can't be charmed or immune to the spell, you can be charmed, you just have advantage. There's no saving throw. While the target is affected by the spell, other creatures have advantage on attack rolls against it. As an action of dancing creature makes a wisdom saving throw to regain control of itself.

Not capering. So basically I dance until my turn. Yeah, you are in the exact rip chain is stuck in this water bubble and you are stuck dancing until your turn. Does this affect my concentration though? No, there's no wording of it. No, no.

No, no, no. Get on the motorcycle. I just, I don't like feel like dancing. Anyone else here music? Please, please. Woo, boy. Good playing with your hair. What are you doing? I just suddenly feel like dances. Anyone else here? Music! Woo! Bo! Good playing with your hair.

What are you doing? You know, I'm just getting out of my face because I'm getting so into the music. My hair is, my tresses are getting in my face. Is that you? Fucking dance! You know, it's just fucking feelin' hell or what? I mean, I like the idea of dancing, but there's a wasp that I would like to kill first. It's a zinga.

You're gonna definitely need to kill the wasp that I'd like to kill first Definitely need to kill the wasp. I Suductively popped the top of my overall Pop-on is also dancing, but you know he's not affected by the spell me Pop-on, I know it's a spell. Oh, no, see he gets it. Oh god. I just like feel so free That is bound or turned bound or is gonna charge over to the attack, Dan saw. Make them stop dancing, Dan saw. He hits on the first attack. Ooh, and he crits on the second attack.

It's been critting like a fucking mad man. If she's gonna take damage, will she have to roll? Is auto a concentration spell? It's not concentration. Damn. Dance. Dance. He does 32 damage to Dan saw. concentration spell? Not concentration. Damn! Damn! Damn! He does 32 damage to Dan's saw.

Oh! As she gets serious and gets down. All right, I'm gonna sit down and drive! I am feeling myself, y'all. That is back up to hard one. I... Moooozinga! I shuffled my feet a little bit in step with Moonshine and then swing my hammer at the last feel it dude

I like to dance you fucking feel it man give me your soul. We can be friends. We Hell man all of this sounds good It all sounds great except for the one thing you said give me your soul Dancing show me around hell. Dancing, fucking hanging out doing sick motorcycle tricks. I'm gonna kill your wasp, cover. Okay. Where are my girls at?

I'm looking in the dance floor for my girls. I'm gonna try just maybe one overall straight. You see that there are some imps that are dancing and doing the hair dance. Just a 16 hit that wasp. 16 does not hit the was You know here it doesn't 18 18 does not hit the was oh my god Sorry, dude this was strong

26 hit it it does 21 damage on the was That's strong loss 21 damage on the wasp The wasp is looking pretty hurt. Oh my god. They're fucking monsters. Well fuck this thing. I'm gonna action surge on it You get an action surge on a freaking beaded hoping to creep through it onto you buzzer 25 the buzzer buzz buzzes 19 damage to the wasp the wasp is so hard but still wise I'm the buzzer buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz to him. Oh, not cool, dude. Yes.

You killed my pet. Uh, since I action serves, I think I have two more attacks that I'm gonna use on buzzer, right? Yeah, sure. Cool. Hey, don't do it, man. 23 and a... Oh, wait, uh, two, two, 21s.

Uh, both head. Cool. Uh, you see Rip Chain and Dance saw a yellow out. Yeah, kill him so I could be leader 32 damage Jesus Who wants to be leader both of them cool. I choose dance. I choose you dance. Oh Move I like dancing. I like dance move away from that pole Hey, dad the lava. Dan saw.

If we make you leader, you attack Rip Chain. I'll fucking kill Rip Chain if you agree to give me any soul coins you pick up while you're in hell. I guess I look to... I'm trying to Beverly. I'm sweating glitter. Buzzard just goes, you want to keep those sucker for yourself man The soul don't take the deal. They don't mean anything to us. We'll join me. We'll kill the other two

Oh, okay, no join me will kill the other two Whoever whoever is alive at the end of this gets a soul coin, I guess Malora, this is my song This gets a soul coin, I guess. Oh, Malora, this is my song. Do I know what a soul coin looks like for my book? You don't know what it looks like, but you do know that it is what lets devils control the mortals here. Okay.

Essentially, the part of the reason the mortals are fighting here is because anyone who's holding their coin controls them and the other part of the reason is kind of the false promise that they can one day get their own coin back and free themselves. Right. Do we see if the buzzers' cutters have any soul coins on them? You don't see any on them at the moment. You would need to like kill them and wait until I told them. No deal.

Uh, buzzer attacks you twice, hard one, rolls a fucking five in a one, this is big time. And it's just gonna try to ride his motorcycle away. Can I get an opportunity to attack? All right, nice. I'm fucking outta here, dude. All right, cool, I'm gonna throw my lightning javelin. Speed, S.E.

You just like launch it, like a John L.A. on vortex foot. Cool, I rolled the one, but I'm gonna use a luck point because I really wanna throw a vortex and a motor, instead of devil on a motorcycle. Like, great, that's 27 to hit. Super hits. So yeah, so five D6, if you use the lightning javelin.

19 lightning damage, nine regular damage. You see this Javilan hits buzzer in the back and buzzer explodes and turns to just a sulfurous gas as his motorcycle sputters out and crashes into the ground. I run after the motorcycle. Cool, he got with his movement, he's able to get 120 feet away. So you just start bolting for it?

Yes. Okay, so your movement is 30 feet? Cool, so you're 90 feet away. So that's kind of cool. That is Bev's turn. Bev, you got Rip Chain who is in this bubble. No, no. Kill me, I'm vulnerable, man.

And Dan saw who is now riding seriously at Balmer's trying to kill her. Dan saw has enchanted moonshine. Yes. All right, I'm gonna try and kill Dan saw. My friend told me, wow, she's the one putting down the good twos. This dance isn't pure.

Did you like make this playlist? You don't wanna do a devil dance boy. She's just dancing dangerously close to that lava. It's not safe. Let's go lava dipping. She's making it look cool. She's taking off her clothes. She's going to dive in the lava.

But taking off your clothes thing, I feel like it's definitely not in a chance. It certainly is not. She did that during the hero's breakfast. She's really milking this enchantment for all its worth. Honestly, I don't even think we're chance enchanted. We're feeling a lot about her that honestly, I wish I didn't know.

Y'all too much talking, not enough dancing. Yeah, we're here. I'm walking towards the moon shine quit-flossing pop-off. Ha ha ha ha. All right, yeah, I'm just going to, can I make it to dance all where I am? I agree. I'm just gonna just jump into the air

and try and just get a bunch of slices in and try and- Sweet, not not her. She's not moving. She has stopped to fight Balmer. Oh, okay, she's fighting Balmer, yeah. Oh hell yeah, then I'm just gonna, I'm going to just dash over there and just go all out on her.

Sweet, cool. Yeah, young Paladin. I bet we're in hell, right? Paladin's got to get all sorts of buffs, right? Yeah, fuck yeah. Not 20. First and full. Oh god, it's just gonna be a lot of dice. Do you want to do a smite or anything? Yeah, I'm gonna do a blinding smite first and foremost, which is going to be 3d8 radiant damage. On top of this blinding smite, I'm gonna go ahead and do a, what the heck? I'll do a third level divine smite as well.

Yeah, yeah. So that's gonna be eight more deans. Hell yeah. Woo! My friend came here to dance, but not like this. And I do 83 damage. My friend came here to dance, but not like this. And I do 83 damage. She is instantly so hurt.

Oh, nobody loves dancing more than dance. What's that? Also just your first attack. Jesus Christ, kid. Dance all, it's time for your final dance. It always had a half. That's another Nat 20. Kid dance all it's time for your final dance It always had another net 20. Whoa Welcome to hell she absolutely cannot live just finish her Beverly oh my god you a paladin in hell is a fucking pig and shit

This is beautiful stuff anyone listening listening, anyone watching this, we are all just privileged to be here. Thank you. Well, dancing like moonshine right now. Stop fucking enjoying, you hell so much kid. I go over to moonshine. Oh, finally you're gonna dance with me. Come on, kids.

May I have this dance? Absolutely. So we tango over to dance saw. I'm so glad you're getting into it. Yes, this is great and with one hand extended We start spinning faster and faster locked in this tango and we just slice her into salami You slice dance saw down she turns into Ash and she's gone You were done dancing you're see, you're done dancing?

You're still dancing. You're still dancing. You're still dancing a little bit for fun. Yeah. You see Rip Chain is still in this orb and he goes, all right, truce, what do you say, gang? Is there any, do we know anything that we want from him? Maybe his soul coins or, I think we're going to need,

you know, we can ask him who the boss is. Yeah. I think we're gonna need the coins to get down to a lower level. Do we know if we put him in... if we dropped him into lava, would that be like good for him or would he die? He would probably be immune to fire. Can I cast Pelor's chains on him? Sure.

Cool. I think he'll need to make a strength or deck saving throw. Okay. He's restrained so he makes it a disadvantage. Not one. He's super stuck. He is in a water bubble and he is gain. All right, unnecessary.

I said I would work with you guys. What are these so, show us these soul coins. I guess I'm going to loot some bodies these, show us these soul coins. I guess I'm gonna loot some bodies and try and find these soul coins. Cool, here's the thing, the reason the three of us were working together is because we ain't got no soul coins, all right? You are pathetic.

Am I? You're right, I am, I'm a little worm. Do you want me to work for you? No, we're not, we're not, we're not, yeah, I'm a nasty little worm. Yeah, you're not a little worm. I want you to dominate. I'm the fucking gardener. I'm coming to fucking ready for my garden. Yeah, you have to work on knowing when people are enjoying our taunts. Right. Okay. Yeah. Sorry. I stepped down. He's clearly

aroused. Yeah. No, I'm sorry. So here's the deal. There used to be like a lot of warlords with like small and medium sized armies competing over the soul coins, but then the bronze bastard came into town and kind of took over and he's been fucking everybody up. The bronze bastard. Yeah, I lost all my mortals. Buzzer here lost all his mortals, Dan saw lost all hers and we ended up having to work together. Yeah, you guys were a really effective team. Anyway, no but seriously, that was a crazy, that was an awesome fight.

Yeah, thanks. This is the bronze bastard. Describe what he looks like to me, or what they look like to me, I don't know. He looks like a fucked up little dwarf guy, but he's like, he looks like he's made of lava. He's got like, craggy skin, like a little devil guy. Okay, so-

Do you think that this could be someone that we know and hell. Maybe. Oh, this is where people come when they die. Huh. Well, he's fighting some of the lesser warlords, but he controls the river sticks. Kind of nobody can get anywhere without the bronze bastard. Let me through. There's all kind of bridges and gates and everything along the water and his imps.

Control it. Yeah. Commissioner. Let me through there's all kind of bridges and gates and everything along the water and his imps control it Yeah commissioner if you want to go up against the bronze bastard You probably want to make a deal with somebody else or at least go out and get some soul coins get some get some mortals of your own Probably the second most powerful warlord around here is Jack's Josh's posse. Oh Fuck me. You can't be serious. I like to call him osjosh but gosh cuz he's little haha I feel like we know this guy. We definitely know this guy. So this is all just proxy wars though No one's actually fighting each other. They're all just having their mortals fight each other. Oh no We've ride around in our fucking motorcycles and our tanks and shit and run people over. It's awesome

You know we fight all the fucking time. Okay. Yeah, we fight all the time more honorable Hell yeah real honorable 69 That's not that hard one put it back in your money right man saying numbers. I mean, it's funny because it's a sex I don't know I don't I turned to Beverly. I don't know if you knew this It funny because it's a sex act. I don't know I don't I turned to Beverly I don't know if you knew this it's but it's a sex act. Yeah, man Tell that to you about it. That's fucking hilarious Wait, I thought it was just funny because it looked like the numbers were like touching So it was kind of like a yin yang thing. It's that's close to what that look. I don't want to get it

What is I don't know I don't know he baked me I Should try to replace rip I feel like I'm being gaslit Beverly draws the 69 in the dirt and goes oh I kick it out. I kick it out. You're a bad fucking little penis is on it. So he understands That wasn't what he originally thought it's so funny I don't know what he thought before but even that made him get it's funny

So look why don't you let me add a water sphere? We can all work together once you guys topple the bronze bastard or even Jack Josh I'll just take your soul coins. Okay, I got a question Yeah, what what is the point of us participating in this soul economy to begin with? What is what no fucking, it fucking rules. You fight all the time. You kill people. You're super paranoid because you're always gonna get betrayed at all corners.

You always gotta look over your shoulders because buzzers not even my real friend. Dan Saus not even my real friend. Wait up there dead. Yeah, they're dead. I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit at all. Now, I'm the leader of buzzers cutters. I'm not even changed it to...

A leader, a leader of one. A leader of one. A leader of one. I'm not even changed it to a leader of one a leader of one you're not even sure if you're gonna Re name it so good. Rift chain. This is a thin and positive tubular. Yeah. Yeah. I absolutely respect that. Yeah. We can't see him crying because he's in the water bubble but he's definitely crying. He just keeps the walls up, man. We build them high, you build them strong. You build them strong. You build them strong. I'm gonna ride around until I can get enough soul coins

to buy myself passage to the lower levels of hell, and then I might get myself to lust or something and get laid down. I'm a chain. No, Jack, who are you just for him? He's not a threat to anybody. Let me ride off. Scott, I released the water he's fear.

Yeah, for someone who has chained in his name, he has no attachment to anything. I think no. He pushes hard one and then runs off, it gets on his motorcycle. Oh, we need a motorcycle though. I'm not going to the motorcycle. No.

I know. I love the motorcycle. Everyone relies. All right. I need the motorcycle.. Yeah, you are gonna be relaxing You're not gonna be riding the motorcycle. I'll leave my motorcycle with you I just need to real quick make sure it's still working make sure that puppies still Purrified I drive a way so the in a like a way that I get like a bunch of dirt and fire in the space. Sweet.

You guys jack ripped James Motorcycle and leave him there straight. Fucking lame, man. I gotta walk. I go to shake his hand before we leave and I run my head through the air. He does the same thing at the exact same time he pulls his hand back in his air. That fucking hilarious.

That's fun. We should have a long hard one. Oh fuck no, I was good dust out in his face too. It's gonna be like this. I start dismantling the little side car I had attached to bring Rip chain along. No, I'm just kidding. Before we leave Rip chain, for kidding. Before we leave Ripchain, for good.

Before we abandon him, I pull out a piece of paper and I do a sketch of my dad. Okay. And I wanna ask Ripchain if he's sending anyone that looks like that. Tell you what, man, you leave me a bike and I'll answer you any questions you want. I chop his legs off

You take us to where you got to me. There's a lot of H.B. We can do this all day, man What do you think hey if you want to give this guy a bike Munchain just fastened a sidecar onto this one? That's true. Yeah, give him what let's do a quick check of which is the shittiest bite. Mm-hmm. Um, I would say dance saw mostly cared about dancing, so hers was the least. Yeah, okay, we give him, we give him dance saw. Oh fuck, this is a dance and bite. Ha ha ha ha.

Hey, we held up our end of the bargain, now tell this young and whether or not you seen his paw. Alright, yeah. That dude, uh, I think he's down somewhere like six level of hell or something, got everybody, got everybody all pissed off because, uh, you know, he kind of jumped the order. Some of us hardworking devils have been down here earning soul coins for a long time and that dude jumps right to heresy. My dad is a hard worker and he is known to get people in tizzy's. It's gotta be him. I'm in a fucking tizzy man. You know I think I think that uh this is a report spores he can't hear us. I think I hate the idea of participating in this but I wonder if we just gotta get steel bunch of soul coins so we can get to yeah, we got it start

Getting that elevator down. Listen, I think eventually we'll break the bank and redistribute it all But I think we got to play the game over here. Oh, it feels disgusting The deeper we get the deeper the closer we get to the root of the problem and then we can fix it from the inside. From the inside. Okay. That's true. We gotta win the Democratic primary. He's disgusting stuff, but let's- So, guys, I was a stupid one. You guys are just fucking standing there. What's your deal? So, what are you guys looking for? You guys, I'll tell you what, we make a little handshake

deal here. You know, nothing, nothing buttoned up because I'm not a buttoned up guy. I'm rip chain. Wait a second, you were prowling, you were prowling this portal. Right. What about this woman and I motion a bev to draw Alonus? I do a sketch of Alonus.

I may get a little too anime. Oh yeah, she came through. We totally rode at her and she just straight up disappeared. Okay. Thank you. Great. Yeah. I'll tell you what, for one soul coin, I'll tell you where to find Jack, Josh, or the bronze bastard. I'm just looking for like one bodyguard.

That's all I'm looking for here, gang. I'll give you a fucking soul coin. I'll get you a soul coin if you tell us for Jack. Alright, the first soul coin you collect is gonna go right to me. Fine. Hold this hand out. See, making a deal with a devil. Just know that you're a devil. I'm not a devil. Yeah, I standout. See, making a deal with a devil. Just know that you're a devil.

I'm not a devil. I'm rich. You're making a deal with a devil. Dude, you know how we usually do the pull back hair thing, but this time I'm gonna shake your hand. All right, can I just be good faith? No, it can't be good faith. It needs to be a deal.

First goal going to get comes to me. And I'll tell you how to get to Jack Josh or the bronze bastard otherwise you're gonna be wandering around here getting eaten by hell wasps hell wasps are attracted to Blood they love fresh mortals that have actual real souls on them They're gonna love eating you guys up. It is your hard one your husk musk is gonna make you a real attractive target I've been smelling your husk musk I'm not a sapiosexual and I'm horny.

I'm dumb as hell and I love. I'm glad that somebody sees my raw satch. Sex appeal. I'm into it, man. Yeah. Should I shake this devil's hand and give him a sole coin? I think I would make in the same way that I would be cautious about eating the food from a fai.

I would be cautious about making deals with devils. Yeah, I totally agree, but these devils are so weak we killed them before. Can we get papa to write like a really complicated contract? Yeah, let me get my lawyer on this. Yeah, papa gets, uh, papa writes a complicated contract that omits um, any of your souls and our souls. So these are, this has been redlined by my attorney.

I only know how to read like half of these words, man, reading sucks. Yeah, you know what's cool? A man after my own heart. Just skinning like you're on a surfboard. All right, if you're gonna, if you're gonna go ahead and skin Papa, add a couple more things on here.

Yeah. Papa adds that he needs to wear really baggy pants. I have one here that says I can take the soul coin back at my discretion. My man, you're just blasted through this contract. How are you so good at signing? I'm not good at signing, man, I hate reading. So initial here, here, here.

He signs it real quick. He does not sign anything that says he has to give the soul coin back. He's particular about that. He gets a real buttoned up like all of a sudden when he sees that provision. Rip-chain looks like you're our guy. Yeah.

Ah, hey, this might be dumb, but tell you what, you guys have gotten me out of worse situations than this. I went to Beverly of Moonshine, awkwardly, and I shake his hand. Got your back. He gives you a real bro hug, he pulls you in. Jesus. Feels like you haven't had many pull physical contact No, man. We were always fighting up here again. I want to get down the lust dude

You ever get down the lust bring me with you man is lust the next yeah Okay, you know what I'm gonna find a way to the gate this I'm gonna cast Gaeus on him. Okay So for the next third and the and the com magical command is give us all your soul stones So for the next 30 days he has to give us what is the saving throw wisdom saving throw He gets me 21 wow, okay, I guess that's it. Wow you guys Art true to your word dishonorable Get the fuck out of here

Actually, you know what I'm gonna get out of here on dance. Oh, it's right We really oh, I don't want to have like completely undone it. Oh Right, I did tell you guys I was gonna tell you where to find what you guys want Jack Josh or bronze bastard I'll tell you both for two soul coins Jack Josh Yeah, you think that's the way I don't want to get eyes on this on this bronze dwarf though I think we got to build an army first. Yeah, I know I know that Jack Jack Josh is our way in But I still want to perhaps should we separate and I should stealth and try and get eyes on the dwarf last time we got separated I died

Okay, let's all go find Jack dog Maybe we can find like a town square or like a Information bureau. I'm just keeping an eye out for the bronze door. Yeah, yeah This episode in ad pod is brought to you by bird dogs There a company that makes pants and shorts, so no matter where you fall in the age old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered. Now we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's gonna be difficult.

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So when the lower body battle begins and brother is forced to kick brother make sure you are wearing bird dogs. To get yours and a free Yeti style tumbler go to birddogs.com slash pop-up or enter promo code pop-up at checkout. That's birddogs.com slash pop- promo code Papa for a free Yeti style Tumblr. You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay, that's it for me. Go team pants and enjoy the show. Rip chain gives you guys directions. He's a real dad about it. Yeah, you go up to this

like volcano up here. You're gonna take a left You're gonna go for a long time. You're gonna see the tree with like visions of yourselves hanging on it Okay, you're gonna want to take a right there, right? You're gonna want to keep going for about a mile Okay, a couple miles and after that there's kind of a lava stream there now. This is the big lava stream This is the big lava stream not of a lava stream there. Now this is the big lava stream. This is the big lava stream. Not the little lava stream. I don't know if I'm looking at the big one. You'll know when you see the big one, man. What if I see, I do see a tree right now

that I see other people hanging on. That's not the tree. No, that's not that one. You'll see yourself hanging from it. Could you just plug it into our speaking stone? All right. I never know how to use these. I've been down here for a couple thousand years.

You don't trust me, say, you gotta take the surface streets. I don't know. So Ripchain tells you guys where to go and then takes off on his motorcycle. Where to find Jack and Jack? Dance saws motorcycle. Undance saws motorcycle, yeah.

See in lust. Yeah. So now. I'm excited for lust, right? Yeah. Sounds cool, so. It does seem like it's kind of like an Amsterdam thing like when and you know Yeah, what happens in lost stays in Lossy. Yeah

We'll see anyone doing a stagus. Do you think we'll see anyone doing this extra nine? Oh It's hope so Forget that about the rubber told you that what me I want laughing up with freaking rip chain, man. You have an infernal patch with a rip chain. Yeah. Let's all just forget what happened with rip chain.

OK. Until it comes back to bite me, specifically in the ass, when I lose my job as scout master and have to give my soul to a fucking inferior devil. Have you gotten paid for being a scotmaster yet? I do it for the pride for the honor belt. Yeah, I've been keeping time cards. I clock it, I clock it.

I know that, yeah. That's very good, that's very responsible. Okay, so here's how this is gonna work as you guys navigate hell. You can either ride the motorcycles or you can like tuck them away somewhere. If you ride them, you're not gonna be able to stealth. You will get places faster

and you won't have to do as many encounter checks but if other people have vehicles not gonna be able to stealth. You will get places faster, and you won't have to do as many encounter checks, but if other people have vehicles, they might be able to catch you. But you're not gonna be stealthy. So decide, do you want to stealth to jacked, Josh's hideaway, or do you want to run and gun? Run and gun. Let it rip.

I kind of say run and gun. Rip the run and gun. Right, it's just too tempting to fall. It's very fun. We can bad max our way through fucking hell. I know. Can I sit like in the front seat and like kind of be like cradle by hard ones?

So probably Beverly is riding my handlebars and I have Valnor in the side car. Yeah, that's me. And Moonshot just, and Papa is in Moonshot side car. Yeah. Beverly wild. Sweet. Beverly Wild. Sweet. If you guys are gonna be taking the motorcycles,

you just have to do two encounter checks. Guys, go ahead and roll me some D20s. So one person does it. 11 or higher, nothing happens. Well, that's an 11. Okay. Okay. You wanna roll the next one?

Let's clear and save. Seven. Seven. Seven. Okay, so you guys are riding through hell. There are obstacles. You guys ride past lava geysers that are bursting. You ride past mortals that run after you, like insane zombies trying to catch you and drag you down from your motorcycles.

They're not able to catch you, you're able to get past them. You guys do sick wheelies. And as you ride through hell, your encounter is actually one of the better ones. You see an abandoned broken down infernal war machine that looks kind of like a bus. It looks like it could hold like 12 people and it's got like a claw weapon on it. But it looks like it's abandoned. It's very burning, man.

I'm super into it. I know. I'm looking it up in my book. It's called a crew bus. A crew bus. I mean, if we are a massing an an army are we a massing an army? I would try to yeah we gotta get a whole bunch of fucking soul coins. I guess.

I guess. You all want to disembark and check out this abandoned thing? I want to stash the motorcycles on the roof of the bus just like I see going to these cool ass festivals in hell. Yeah you know what before we do it, I gotta think there's something in there, right? Yeah. Before we proceed any further,

before we proceed any further, can I just clarify that I put a Akarats head in like a little bag or something? Oh yeah. It just seems bad to have that like on display down your people to be into that. Certainly. Cool.

And we also clarified that I like cut off my shorts and my, I popped my shirt. Yeah. We can definitely clarify that. We don't want to make sure that we got that, like then we have that clean. OK. Can we get a clean that I never put my overall big back up?

All right. Cool. Because it's hot. It's hot. We're like listening with sweat. Yeah. And it's like, all right. Cool. Can we get a clean that I never put my overall big back up. Alright, cool. Because it's hot, it's hot. We're like listening with sweat. Yeah, and it's like, alright, cool. Can we get a clean that I'm just constantly minor allusioning over moonshine's nipple?

Why is everyone so horny right now? I'm not horny, it's natural. I'm just going, you know, like shirts and skins. Yeah, we're all on the same team right now. I'm just trying to keep it between a six and a nine. Is that right? Am I doing it right? No, you just don't say those numbers bad.

Okay, alright, are we going to this bus? What are we doing? Yeah. between a six and a nine. Is that right? Am I doing it right? No, you don't say those numbers, Ben. Okay. All right, are we going to this bus? What are we doing? Yeah. Let's do it. Let's go up to the bus. I mean, we should, let's stealth up.

Well, it's disembarked from our motor side. You guys, disembarked from your motorcycles, you stealth up. You see that this vehicle looks damaged. You see the hood is popped. It looks like something was messed up and that it's been abandoned here.

Can I see if I can get the bus working? I have a dwarven mind cart experience. Yes. Go ahead. What is your proficiency bonus now? You guys actually leveled up. Plus five. It's plus five?

Yeah. It would normally be an intelligence check but you can use your proficiency because you are proficient in land vehicles. I'm using a luck point. I'm just gonna say it through the... Oh. 16.

Hard one, you see that there is some kind of essence that's mostly translucent, but is a little white and is trying to go through kind of all of these, it looks like it's the fuel source, trying to like get through this pipe and you're able to move some things and get it moving again, and the bus starts up. Cool.

Yeah, no, it's just problem with the axle and the chassis. The combustion was all, get in, kids. You guys get into the cool bus. I go into the back of the bus. I can't I go into the back of the bus. I always say it. I have the coolest position, bus driver. You know Beverly sits right next to the bus driver. Wow, look at all the RPMs.

What are you guys doing with the motorcycles? Putting them on the top. Oh yeah, we Or bringing them in. Yeah, can we bring them in through the emergency exit? Or is there like, you know how like public transportation buses have like a little hook that you can put your bike on before you get on? Is there a hook? How you go friendly as hell.

Yeah, car, car, cargo capacity is two tons. So you guys, you, each of the motorcycles is 500 pounds. You're able to load them into the bus. That is awesome, this bus rules. Do you guys think that there's any value to me, like, biking ahead and making shirts? Is this gonna be more of a target? Oh, interesting.

I mean, yeah, that would make it super mad, Maxi. You riding a motorcycle along side of the bus. Yeah, I'm gonna ride the motorcycle. Yeah, nice. Not out the emergency exit, Hoon Chai. I'm popping out the emergency exit. Run of the bus. Run of the bus.

You're a freaking nerd man. I exit like that top emergency exit that you're only supposed to exit if the bus like collapses inside. Oh my god. Moonshan, yeah, you ride off. You guys have passed all of your encounter checks. You got the one free and you got the other one. You got this fucking bus.

You got very lucky. Oh. Can I see if the radio works? Uh, yeah, go ahead and roll a luck check. 12. 12. Here's the thing, hard one. In hell.

The radio just plays on repeat. The recording from Turbo Timmy Tumor. Infa playing here. Turn it off, it's a... If I just, if he keeps going, he's going to turn it off. If I just play here, blasting out of a speaker outside.

I turn on my radio as well. Turn it off, it's a play. Is it on a different part of the song? It almost sounds like a creepy echo. I know. Valnoryev cursed us. It's just this in commercials for grocery store sales. The grocery store sales are respite.

So you guys write up to where Rip Chain told you Josh's hideout was and you see a construction site. You see a menacing vehicle with a claw hanging from a chain picking up some scrap metal. It has a swinging crane on the back. There are quite a few glazy eyeyed mortals working that. You see that it is adding this scrap metal to a tower of twisted metal made of various hellish rubbish. You can see various fires inside. Looks like people are in there. Circling around it, doing reconnaissance is three spined devils, these skeletal devils, these skeletal imps essentially. You see, there are also three mini tours,

these like bull-faced dudes with hooves and several mortals doing various work and or being on guard. Okay, so let me know what you guys do as you're approaching. Are you so let me know what you guys do as your approaching. Are you guys riding in or did you guys once you guys started to get close get out of your vehicles and try still thing? Let's pull over and have a chat. Okay. What we want to do. One option is we just fucking drive up. There is an option that we just feign death on me. Like we cast feign death on me.

And then you guys say we avenged you Josh and we're here to work for you We could do that. What if we all Pretended to be these glazii mortals and acted like we were just driving this scrap metal in to be added to the tower And then we got them to lift us up in the bus to the top of the tower third option Couldn't we tell him the truth? Because we wanna kill the bronze bastard and Josh wants to kill the bronze bastard. Oh yeah, all right.

Okay. Don't get me wrong, I like a caper. If you wanna pretend to be dead, if you wanna pretend to be a hollow body type thing. Right, I'm all for it. I do think that maybe our best bit is to just be earnest. Operation Soul Discount would be fun.

Mm-hmm. All right, so let's go in radio blasting. Yeah, okay, so we're just gonna... Sweet, you guys start to drive up to the compound. If I play here, if I just play here. And you see, so you guys see this tower and you guys see behind it in the not so far distance.

You guys also see a very large hell wasp nest. Oh no. These big floating monsters buzzing and hovering around a gigantic sack with various holes. There is a yellow glow from the inside, projecting the shadows of people that are trapped in there just writhing an endless pain. As you guys ride up to this twisted metal tower,

you guys see that construction vehicle that was like using the claw, turns and faces you. You see a bunch of the guards getting aligned and you see the three spiny devils ride down to you. State your business. Hi, we are associates of Josh. Future associates. Well, honestly, past associates as well.

We know Josh from the material plane and we think that we Have a lot to offer to his business. We actually kind of set him up here. I feel like that's fair to say yeah in a way He got a start because of us Josh if you think about it. What are your names? Hard one Sherpa. Oh come on. I'm rich. I've been Sure, but oh come on. I'm rich on something Valnor He doesn't know me All right, I'll tell him that moonshine side is here to see him

Hard one sure but say hard one sure but here is yeah, yeah hard one hard one We all work for hard one. Oh good Lord. You see the spiny devil. It's gonna fit me too well. Flies off the other two back up and kind of hop to sides of like a nearby fence or just watching you like gargoyles with their wings pulled in. So what kind of a nightlife y'all got around here? Yeah, is it?

Well Josh likes to work out a lot. He likes having workout buddies. Like to talk to us about pre-workout. What was the wad today? The wad, it was clean and jerks. Nice. Yeah. It's nothing like a 16-hundreds.

Discussed. Yeah, it's nothing like a 16-hundreds. Yeah, you see the ones spined, devil flies up into the tower a few minutes pass and then you guys see Josh the cobald I stepped behind hard one You see Josh the cobald looking extremely swole But also devil like he has kept his short stature but is put on a ton of mass devil like. He has kept his short stature but is put on a ton of mass. He has no neck, he has long horns and wings. You see he floats out parallel to the tower, still way above

you guys and he goes, I'm finally taller than all you fucking losers man. Yeah man, you're looking good, you're looking strong. Yeah, you hear his voice has gotten like a little higher somehow like his vocal cords are strained by how jacked he is Yeah, dude. What are you doing for your lats? Lats man just pull down and pull up and shit dude very cool. Yeah. Yeah, are you doing a lot of shrugs? That's who's back there? I Can't pass without tracing myself. It's nothing. We just wanted to catch up with it.

There's moonshine. She threw me out of a freaking tower, bro. And made you a goddamn king down here. It's pretty cool. I honestly, if she were around, I would say we should thank her. I did reclaim the freaking tower, man. Do you see it? When you think of my tower, dude, for me? I think this is a tower man. Do you see it? When you think of my tower dude.

I think this is a huge upgrade. Yeah. Hey, I don't want to, you know, it's all in the past, but you were a small fish back then and look at you, you're big dog now. Yeah dude. Woo, this rules man. Give us a tour dude.

Come on. Come on give me a persuasion check. I give him the help action. Give us a tour dude come on I give him a help action From the shadows 16 16 he goes all right dude come in Till moonshine to come out Honestly we spiny devil over here told me she was here. Where is she? Can I still where's your girl attitude? Can I stealth to the bus, take my motorcycle out and then

drive on like I just got here? I think she pulled over to get you a housewarming gift. That's where she was. It's a spiny devil. I also need to stealth and look for a present. Spines. Spines devil just turns to, just turns to John. They're lying to you, my lord, about everything.

I slide moonshine the deflance. Oh Jesus. I drive up on my motorcycle. Hey Sarah's like, guys, I had to make a little pit stop. I got taquitos for everyone. Road travel. Thanks, moonshine. Yeah.

These look like dirt, but I bet they're good. Just be careful. They will fall apart immediately. Oh, thanks, moonshine. Yeah. These look like dirt, but I bet they're good. Just be careful. They will fall apart immediately. We'll get to that. Oh, moonshine, I don't know if you noticed Josh was here. Oh, Josh. Hey, what's up, moonshine? That is so crazy.

Hey, it's our real allies. Yeah, we are. Yeah. It's our allies. Yeah. Yeah, she's started out of our freaking tower then, huh? OK. Yeah, you know what?

I think they're out of this tower. You know what? Yeah what I can throw you out of this tower You know what yeah, you can throw me out of the tower and I hold hands with hard one acting like I'm scared But I I take the feather fall ring from one I fully don't know I didn't make a deception check with advantage hard ones helping you 23 He goes that actually would make me feel a lot freaking better. Yeah, throw me out of tower, you know, because that's how serious I am about this new chapter in our relationship.

He brings you up to the top of his tower. It's like 200 feet high. He tosses you off. Oh, 60 feet for that. Yeah, I killed her man. I fucking killed her. Better phone makes me fall slower, right? But I still like and like thrashing my limbs like I'm falling at a normal rate. Do people fall slower in hell? I haven't been

here that long. The hot guts. You see one of the spine devils goes, I don't think so my lord, but I know it's the thermals. It could be the thermals. I have wings. I don't know. I go normal fast to me. I think it's an optical illusion because he's were looking straight down I just have such like freaking fast timing from all my high interval I'm a hero. I'm a healer. I must tend to her. I Rushed to her. I like put my body in a really broken posture Never heal. She might not survive this job. This is bad I'll never heal. She might not survive this, Josh.

This is bad. But please, lay your palate and hands on me, you'll have. It might work, but in this dark, desolate place, I don't think it can help, but I'll do my best. I believe! Oh, great, Pellar! Great, me this one, Miracle! Clear! I can walk!

I can walk! A miracle has a good I give you another deception check with advantage. I shout it Josh. You're lucky. I was here mister. This is a health code violation I got a 25 Jesus Christ again 19 Josh goes all right. I guess we're fucking even now Why are you jerks here? Well fuck are you doing now that I'm fucking big dog on campus? Yeah, right. Yeah, you should how you should how I had but I'm fucking big dog on campus? Oh, oh, oh. Yeah. I was the new guy in town. I was the hot new fucking devil going around fucking getting soul coins, getting soul coins.

Getting soul coins. Yeah. Oh, Jack. Kanket made would love to get down a lust, dude. Swole lines is what will be once you're down in the woods. Yeah, soul coins, soul lines. That's what you trade him for. You try to get down to lust.

Yeah, try to get down to lust. Try to get down to lust. Everybody's trying to get down to lust. That's what we're all trying lust. Try to get down to lust. Everybody's trying to get down to lust, dude. That's what we're all trying to do. So the first level of hell is just waiting outside the club. Yeah, that's it, I was just thinking. The Bronx bastard freaking loves it down here, dude.

He loves it down here, and he's just trying to keep everybody down here. He's the new top dog in town. He killed former warlord, took over a bunch of his soul coins, killed another a few of the lesser ones. Used to be kind over a bunch of his soul coins, killed another, uh, a few of the lesser ones. Uh, you should be kind of a bunch of medium powers. Now there's kind of just one high power.

I'm probably, huh, hurts to admit it, but I'm kind of second dog here, if that makes sense. Well, we're trying to make you tap dog. Yeah. Actually, no, we're trying to make you, we're trying to get you down a list. Yeah, we're trying to make you hot dog. Yeah. Alright. Alright. From top dog to hot dog. Yeah. All right. From Top Dog to Hot Dog.

I made you hear that. What kind of deal are we talking about? Because I could just kill you guys right now and take your soul coins and honestly, I want that. Because as much as, and much fun as it was pushing you off that tower, I would also love to have your souls in going for it. Moon Shine's pride is bristling right now.

So she is just biting her tongue. She wants to be like, yeah, fucking try and kill me. Try and kill me. I love the triangle. And I step in front of him, me trying again. Yeah. What is three soul coins when we can get his entire hoard if we work together? Hey, if you meet all of the bronze bastards,

soul coins, well, we're gonna be in for whatever you're planning. We need to use some of them to get ourselves down to the next level. Yeah, we have to get into the next level. But whatever we don't need, and straight up I promised one to, I don't know if you know buzzers, buzzers, cutters.

Buzzer, those fucking losers, Dan. Two of them are dead. Yeah, I'm a buzzer. And unfortunately for everybody, Dan saw. You see a few of the, uh, a few of the ends? Oh, dance on, Stan? I turned to them, I tried to stop it. I thought, I loved her, I thought she was great.

Ripchain lives and he rides her mount. Ripchain's fucking hilarious, honestly. It's pretty funny, he really loves life, he's got a real zest. Yeah. Here's the thing, you don't physically need soul coins to get to the next layer of hell. It's not like you pay a soul coin toll. What having soul coins means that you have an army and that you have power. So right now, no one can travel deeper into hell because the bronze bastard won't let us. He is the biggest army and the more people he conquers, the

more coins he wins, the more soldiers he gets. So he wants us here to conquer all of us, so he's guarding the only path out. That's the River Sticks. It's a cursed river that winds through the different layers of hell. You can't swim in it because it'll fuck you up. Plus, the bronze bastard has watched towers all along it, and he's the only one who has the boats to traverse it. Oh, so we can get to the second layer of hell just by going up just by traversing the uh, river rustics. Totally. Now, that's where I come in. I would be a great owner of all those soul coins though and would totally be responsible and would be a great new leader of this layer of hell. Sure, yeah.

Because you would be more open-handed with letting people in and out of lust. Yeah, dude. I mean, people fucking, that sounds rad. Yeah. Yeah. People be fucking, you know? That is rad. Yeah.

60 90s. Yeah. And also, like, to just have like a bunch of souls, like people would just do whatever I wanted, that's fucking rad. Like making the fight each other and shit, that's funny as hell. I mean, I report spores them. Why don't we just say that he should bring his army with us and we'll be like, we'll be like the vanguard and we'll just go ahead and wreck everything

and we'll already get on the boat. We're the welcoming party, we're the welcoming wagon. You know what, Josh, well we're actually offering here is not really like, we're offering to here is not really like, we're offering to basically soften your entry. You're like four people. I got hundreds of guys here. We snuck into this place, didn't we?

Thousands of people. You didn't sneak in. You wrote in on your bus. You didn't stop us. Would you like me to stop you? You see, he turns to one of his spines, Devils who flies up into the air. You see more movement in the areas nearby.

You guys wanna get nasty, you can get fucking nasty, man. I'm just... We're gonna get nasty. But we're gonna do it in lust, brother. Yeah, listen. Did you just proposition Josh? I never thought you'd do some proposal. I'm not against it.

Yeah, what if that's a hard deal? Put me in hard one fuck. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I don't know. I'll do a thousand souls. It's trying to get your beak wet. I report spores. Moon Trion, you want to kill this guy again? That's really, definitely, but I don't know that that's right.

We are in his castle with hundreds of devily minions. Oh, you know what, guys, I'll be buried with the legal work. I'll sign the contract. No, no, hard one, you sign the other one. I will sign a contract. I will sign a contract with you. I'll show you. Josh saying that I will give you all the soul coins. I get except for two Separate to what kind of kind of bullshit is that? We're trying to would share to pull over on me

I'm not trying to pull I'm trying to buy myself a little insurance. I'm trying to have it. I'm trying to You know push me out of a tower Do you want to fuck a push me out of the tower again? I would have my did Oh, no, all right final deal. I get to loot all the soul coins from the bronze bastards compound and then you have my army I can do that. Alright, yeah. Uh, he reaches out his hand. Wait, I think I need one soul coin.

Well, you will only, the contract, let's go over the contract with Paw-O-O-O. I just says, and if I get one, if you get one, if he collects it before you get it, if I don't get one, if you see one, I don't even think that counts as getting one. I feel kind of bad, he has nothing. So we have- It's got a motorcycle. Can we have a clause that I get to give one to- Just one coin. It's not even for me.

It's for rip chain. We can put it in the contract. It's rip chain. We get one soul so we can one soul coin so we can settle the step with rip chain. All right. And then every other soul is yours. Regis is hand out to you, Minchan.

Papa's just, we don't do hand shakes here. We do lengthy contracts. Papa will you produce what you created? Papa puts together a contract saying that once again, cannot be some loophole bullshit where they get to loot your souls. You guys are immune. You guys have immunity from it.

Papa as well has immunity. Yeah. Iron club. There. Really shaking hell out. How's that sit with you? He signs it? I sign it.

When China you sign it, Josh gets all the souls if you guys conquer the bronze bastard. Great, well this has been fun. Y'all got like a guest room we can lay our weary heads in. Yeah, if you guys want to, like, I was gonna do a quick set before bed. I could just wanna like get in there. I would get in on. I don't know if you've noticed by the most, we're trying to like lean down. I'm sort of cutting, but. You did get a lot smaller. Yeah, if you know I'm there it on. I don't know if you've noticed by the moves, we're trying to lean down. I'm sort of cutting, but.

You did get a lot smaller. Yeah, if you don't, you're there, man. He's a five one now. Yeah, what is the, I lost the niche on the waist and that was about it. I'm interesting. I shaved, that's what it is. While he's cutting, I'm trying to bulk.

I'm trying to, I'm trying to reach this mass that you're at. I would love if you could, actually first of you could just toss me off the tower too. I feel like that'd be good resistance. Yeah, sure. Yeah, I can do that I can toss you off the tower I guess feather fall the most oh wait already guys That's all my catches me Feb, you just falling out of a 200 foot tower without a fall can I miss the step down and put the feather fall ring on him?

I'm go ahead and make a slight of hand, Jack. I got a 12. What about handy, handy? Moontown, you jump up to save, Beth. The guys are so clever. Beth, you crash into the ground and roll your ankles so hard. You fall for 40 damage. Yeah, dude, roll that fuck. and roll your ankles so hard you fall for 40 damage. Oh!

Yeah, dude, roll that fuck out of the gun. I heal, I'm I heal him. So you guys do see that Josh does have a few hundred soldiers here. He's got various imps and lesser devils. He's got some various imps and lesser devils. He's got some minotors. You see some of the mortal looking people like the humanoids have traces of animal in them almost like it's a punishment for whatever they were in life. Like you can almost tell that the minotors are probably just humans who committed some sin and that is why they are as they are.

These geology. Oh, nice, freaky. I mean, I can do it when I'm in wild shape. And there are like these makeshift war tents outside of Josh's tower if you guys would like to spend the night there. But he's gathering the troops to march on the bronze bastard tomorrow.

Can we do Malor's wonderful stump inside the tent? Oh, yeah. Can we? Yeah, you guys can just make your own, yeah, you guys just like pitch your own tent. Tentin' a tent. And get inside Malor's magnificent stump. No one will be the wiser.

Yeah. So now we're feeling cozy. Yeah, now we're feeling cozy I feel cozy and hell. I whip out my wood block. Oh What do you say to a little jam session? Yeah, I mean I'll whip out new Betsy. I tune it to a minor chord, but I'm gonna let's go Let's try to like lift our spirits before the battle, but not too high Yeah, I put some embroidered pillows over the door and the opening so that nobody outside can hear us. Yeah, that's good.

And yeah, I whip out my flute. And I play a beautiful minor melody. I keep terrible time. I remember you guys talking about how you had a band. I thought you knew how to play. Oh, did you? Have you never seen us play before? I think not, not in totality. Do you play any instruments?

I'm known to hit a woodblock every once in a while. Yeah, well we already have a professional. You can be our manager. I don't know. Go ahead and do a performance check against a ball nor. Gladly. Can I wild shape into a... He's got a 10.

Can I wild shape into a fertile bird, give birth to an egg, and then turn it into an egg shaker for him? Yes. There's bones everywhere, Moonshine. You can just welcome her. Balnor throws up. I got a 12 for my performance.

You guys, Balnor vastly overestimated how good he is at the woodblock. You hear him and hard one, just a terrible back and forth. It's just, imagine if the movie Drumline sucked ass and it was just two people drumming at each other who weren't good at all. And then Belnor, like, through some difference that you cannot hear because they both sounded very bad to you. Boundr goes, whoa buddy, I can admit when I'm out class. No, you actually got it. No, you're good. I mean, I'll do the, I maybe I'll do the egg shaker. Okay, but yeah, yeah, we'll keep time with me. I'm good. I just like clap clap clap bang bang bang bang. I just shake my head at

moonshine. Just let him have it. That's true. It's making them so happy. Yeah, it really is. This is the only good thing about hell. Yeah, you see you guys finished playing the song and Balmer goes, we uh so I've never met this Josh guy. Are we worried at all? Um giving him people's souls or? Yeah I guess if I'm being fully honest I didn't really think through the decision that much all I knew was that hard one made the last deal and we're all profiting from these deals so I didn't want him to make all the deals and so I just did it so that hard one wouldn't do it. I'm gonna be honest with you I don't have a fucking plan. I have no idea. I'm just doing one thing to get to the next and figure and I'll be able to clean up this mess somehow.

Yeah, I think all I'm thinking about is getting to the sixth level because apparently that's where my dad is and whatever we need to do to get there, I say we do it and then we worry about forgiveness later. Okay. I don't like the steps we're taking, but I think that hopefully we can balance out our ledger in the end. Yeah, I guess I also think if we could just balance out, if I have to fuck over my ledger to balance out everyone else's ledger, then that's so be it. If I have to be in hell, I'm glad it's with all of you. We'll fuck our ledges together.

So you guys all go to bed for the night. As you guys go to bed, I'm going to need the two people who made contracts today, in front of contracts, to make wisdom saving. It sounds so bad. Well, we do do them with advantage because of Fiji here. The money's here, Fiji sir. Thank you. And you're at plus four. Not 20.

Not 20. Hard one, you sleep sound. All right. Disturbingly so. That's almost a problem actually. 27. 27, moonshine you sleep, you sleep sound disturbingly so. Can I do a wisdomal just for fun?

Sure. Can you get advantage from hero's face? That's a natural one. Let me reroll that. And I get advantage. It's a 4 and a 9. So I guess 13. Bev, you sleep fitfully. You have a lot of guilt dreams about, you know, you and your friends entering

contracts about trading souls and shit. You guys are controlling people's after life. I only transfer four hours. Can I wake up and can I look through Beverly's Can I only transfer four hours? Can I wake up and can I look through Beverly's Devil book yeah to look for something I'm assuming that that's okay. I fell asleep with it open That's okay. I want to look for something that like about what happens when you When you break a deal Obviously my reading is Ah go ahead and make it you you have time so make an intelligence check with advantage. Nat 20.

That 20. Going off. You're able to, I straight up can read now, I think. This is one of the first things in this book. So you're able to find it quite quickly. Josh would get your soul. Mother fuckucker. Sixty-nine.

Is there a way to give your soul to someone? Can I give my soul the hard one and still be myself? No. We owe Josh all the soul coins, but I can't not say anything about killing him, right? No. If he's dead, he doesn't get to keep the soul coins, but I can't not say anything about killing him, right? No. If he's dead, he doesn't get to keep the soul coins that we give him. All right.

So, and I say this via reports, in case we're part of that. Hard one, as you wake up and as you say that, you guys from the outside see little devil horns appear on hard one's head. Little devil horns? Yeah, what? Like, hard one. He's a little devil horns? Yeah, what? Like, hard one.

He's on little devil? I mean, no, he's still himself. He just has like little horns. You got something on your, in your forehead there. No, it's- You slept on a rock. It's obviously- Oh, it's dead.

Or something. Devilish, devilish stuff. I do my hair in a quick bun to hide them. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Hold on, I try to like, I do my hair in a hell of action. 21. Seems like it would be quite easy to lose yourself and hell. We gotta move quick. We gotta get to that river.

We're fucking playing this game. It's corrupting us. I'm just trying to help the team, OK guys? We're all on the same team. So, Horns, girl, back in. I'm not trying to help the team, okay guys? We're all on the same team, so Horns grow back in. I'm not a devil. They're just like little, they're little horns, you can hide them under your hair. I do a comeover.

It looks terrible, man. That's not the look for you. Oh, good guy. All right, let's do this. You know what? Let's fucking go to battle. Let's see what Josh's army brings. Eyes on the past. And then we'll figure it out once the soul coins are collected. Maybe we can, you know, do a little sabotage when Josh isn't looking. Yeah. Maybe we can find another tower. Swing first, ask questions later. Yep. Yep. Push on through. Push on through. All right, Josh, wake up.

All right, let's fucking go, dudes. Josh rouses his army, and you guys all begin marching across this first layer of hell past all this hellish landscape. And you guys march March for a while, you see Josh has a few of these land vehicles of his own. Are you guys on the motorcycles in the bus? How are you guys proceeding? I think we're back. We're back. I think the bus.

Yeah, we're doing that the caravan thing with the bus in the motorcycle. Okay, so Moonshine is like on a motorcycle inside the bus. Yeah. I thought she was like on a motorcycle right outside the bus driver. Okay, so you're outside. Yeah.

Got it. So you're outside. Okay, sweet. So like presumably if we went through the drive-through, like I would be on the inside and then I could pass the food. Yeah, perfect. Great way to describe it. Presumably.

You guys joined Josh's army and you guys march across this hellish landscape until you can see in the deep distance the river sticks. It begins as a waterfall through a plain-arrift in the sky, then falls down to the surface and flows to the lower levels of hell through there. You guys are far away, but you can see from here that it's dark purple. It looks kind of like red wine. It looks very unnatural. But in front of the bank of the River Styx, you guys see it looks like a big junkyard. Essentially, it looks like a bigger version of Josh's compound. There is this steel fence that is made of reclaimed steel. It's all like crooked and made of mismatched parts. Beyond

the fence is a junkyard full of machines and scrap metal. You see there is a small keep that looks heavily fortified covered with steel. No windows or archways. Well armored but janky, it looks less like a proper castle and more like trucking crates stacked on top of each other. Around it are three towers, you see a fourth one has collapsed and it's just a rocks there. You see that there are many spined devils flying through the air, doing look out.

You see giants marching across the junkyard, they were doing work, but they start standing to attention once you guys get near. You see hundreds of mortals getting ready, getting into combat position, and on the fence misspelled is a sign that says Fort Rust. I knew that, I fucking knew it. I knew it! It's not above. I can't believe it. It says we picked the right side.

It says, Frot Rust. The fact that bronze was in his title and bastard. I thought it was gonna be that dragon that we killed, but this is better. Totally, I did not register with me. I can't even talk about how dumb I am on the short rest. Rust would fucking love just being a warlord and fighting all the time, like to him,

he's like, I'm already fucking heaven, man. This is Valhalla. Fuck me. Wow. Lock me indeed. You guys are in a contract with Josh. Of course. We'll talk more about this on the short rest guys.

A very depressed short rest where we're all begging and past drink, nerfed, fucking dealers. I'm gonna fucking delete this audio. Yeah, I got it right here. Oh shit. It's like, I don't know, it's in a record. It's like I got corrupted and the last thing I did to save the audio didn't work.

It turns out I just drooled on the Zoom for a year. Oh my God. No one will ever hear us talking about this. Guys, you can catch us talking about this over on patreon.com slash nad pod that's NADD, D-D-P-O-D, don't sing yet. Oh. Guys, we got some stuff to plug.

Me and Emily sketch show hot date is on pop TV season two, baby. We got, yeah, we got two episodes coming out every week, Fridays at 10 and 10.30. You can also download the pop now app to watch every episode of the second season, like right the hell now. Jake, what do you got to plug? You know what, there are now,

I believe 18 tickets left for our show in Manchester. So if you were thinking about going to that, you have five seconds to watch. Smash those babies up. Yeah, they're all set. They're all set. So you can add pod.com slash live or live.nadpod.com. You can find it.

Yeah. You just Google, I trust you can do it. Call the old what he got. I would like to plug our PO box, which is 1920 hill. Hurst Avenue number two to two. Loose for these California 9027. And there have been some lovely gifts in there. I would like to shout out faith P who sent us a lovely note, Jeff D who also sent us a touching note, Klaus P who also sent us a very sweet handwritten note a lot of nice sweet notes coming in

Mara sent us a postcard from England Brittany and Brad Ferd sent us a save the date Kristen a sent us watercolors and individual notes and Rebecca L sent us some fun character fan art Especially a great one of our Dan. Thank you all so much for your lovely notes and drawings and invitations. We relish them. Thank you. We really do. We'll see you at the wedding with all of us. We'll be bringing a plus one. I'm gonna do a plus three if that's okay. Yeah. We're devils now. A couple of my dudes from high school are gonna come with me. Yeah. And they like to drink. Yeah. Rip chain is gonna come. Oh no. We owe him. Sweet guys, follow us on Twitter at CH Murf is me, add called these call dwell, adiacs for disamily, at jcobus is jake, and you can tweet about the show using hashtag nadpud. That's n-a-d-d-p-o-d

We are we are Youth of a nation, we are we are Hello friends, called well here, it's the end of our show, which means it's time to shout out our benevolent council of elders. Let's get right to it. Brad D, Dylan B, Danny P, Steelbreaker, and Spencer Caskbrew. A group of retired demons that only takes their skeleton motorcycles out for long drives up the Pacific Roast Hellway on the weekends. They have matching jackets and everything, it's adorable. Beardman Dan, Hermes W, Spartas, Atom R, and Danielle the Dasterly Dame.

Five contestants on this year's edition of the hit fashion competition show René's Runway. Their latest challenge, design a form-fitting silk dress that gives plus 10 to AC. René could work, folks. Howdor Frostback, Multifor, Jordan DJ, Jeffrey S, and Cutter W. Members of a farm co-op that makes infernal honey from the giant hell wasps that live in buzzer's stomach. It'll burn your tongue off and make you dream of the end of the world, but it tastes great in Camamil T. Mmm, Shubbert the Mushroom, Ryan M., Alaina C., Mixologist Michael D., and Andrew M., a

crew of Galator on Youths that left the green teen glee team to invent a vocals-only band that sings covers of pop songs. They're calling it, Acapulore. Balnor's boy, Justin I, Jacob C, and Elena M, four warriors who challenged the rulers of the elemental chaos. To a game of risk, they now meet up every month to play. They've got a group chat going and everything. It's serious.

Mick Pux, Earl and Kathleen L, Jive G, and Jostrich. A group of quick elves who got kicked out of hell for trying to turn the sticks into a lazy river. Also, the only souls to ever be personally rescued from hell by Pallor. Impressive. Damien L. R, Destin C, and Devon B, a trio of legendary adventurers that tried to stop Asmodius, but then got to the 9 Hells and had way too much fun there. They now run a really spooky casino on the 7th level, and yes, when you roll snake eyes, you will get eaten by a snake. It is a primo establishment.

Sergio Salazar Salaman Sakuraiias Desequani. Michael L. Sam H. Traley the Cray Faye. Aaron G. and Jori S. Buzzer's Cutters Most Loathed Rival Gang and Hell. Butters' Custards. They fight with the greatest weapon of all, perfectly flaky pastry, and a well set cream patay. Yum. Allacard, Babydoc, Adam H. Ryan, Big Buck, and Richard X Machina. Devil Josh's spotting

team. That's right, team. Josh is pushing such nar-weight down below. He needs a team of devils in case he slips. Troy McCee, cannibalist of Cthulhu, Sam L, Dom R, and Josh S. A family of giants currently trapped in a field of sunflowers in the Feywild. Sounds miserable, right? But they've actually got a really good game of hards going. Delightful. Blitzbrick Demetri, Caleb Storm, Nicholas C, Mike H, Matthew E, and Samuel B. The support group known as the Nozen. former chosen soldiers who've grown skeptical of the Oles leadership and meeting coffee shops under the cover of night to discuss a potential

coup and make plant-based milk alternatives. Devious. Till for G, Colin B, and Yens Christian T, three kittens that appeared in Murphy and Emily's backyard. That's right, baby. For this day and this day only, Murphy and Emily are calling these kittens till for the Colton and Yens.

Actually, that's so cute. It might stick. Gage M, Aaron C, L&D, TJM, the gnome barbarian, and RPKB, a group of terrifying mind frayers. Instead of eating your memory like mind flayers do, mind frayers just feel you eating your memory like mind flayers do, mind frayers just fill your to-do list with pressing but unsatisfying tasks until you are super frazzled and burnt out.

Ugh. Bastards. Trash the Traveler. Anime Intellect. Zolo Dolo. Joshua C. Larissa J. And Dylan C.M. The wannabe DM. The bankers who run the Soulcoin stock market, capturing people's souls and coins and then hoarding them like wealth is surely corrupt, but have you heard of selling then betting against subprime mortgages? Way worse.

Calvin Noodles, B Money, J, Heartless Master, and CC Lulu, a group of goat men who practice celibacy and blood neutrality. With meditation and group therapy, they've learned to breathe through their insatiable lust for death and become better-goat people. Paul B. Barnes & Ader, Eric G. Jackalope Audity and Zach C. The Kruelbus drivers union who petitioned long and hard to get the Kruelbus's retrofitted with cup holders that can fit

a 44-ounce super Biggulp crucial. 8-in-R, L.E.K. and Luke H. The family that runs the Airbnb that Alonus is staying at while she's in hell. Sure, they could solve the mystery of if Alonus is good or evil by just reading the reasons for this stay section of her lodging request, but they don't want to pry. I'm hopeless, Timmy R, Alex M, and Aaron RS, the esteemed team of Esri-scientist who won this year's BOT or not competition. That's right, they made the hottest robot.

Congrats folks, you're doing the Lord's work. Lucas B, Ruben A, Jordan L, Lara S, and J Parker, Dan saw a spirit squad on the material plane, who lament daily the loss of their head cheerleader, who they assumed joined her god in the afterlife. Keep thinking that friends. Austin C, Austin MR, touch it, Kaylee Elise, a group of city pigeons hatched on the mean streets of Brooklyn, but raised by a noble hawk in the beautiful Catskill Mountains. Truly the best of both worlds.

Devon W. Shenoa B. Jared E. Brian Persephone and Joseph M. Get to sit at a Gwain's lunch table. They were officially the coolest kids at Glateron High, but don't even give a shit. Like who cares, not us, psh, whatever. Reese NS. Jackie, Haley, Eric and Andrea B. A bunch of rowdy star spawn on a pub crawl. They keep saying, Barspawn and cracking the hell up. One of them is in a St. Crick outfit even though this is not a Santa con thing.

They're also wasted. Barspawn, Barspawn. so wasted. Barspawn, Barspawn. Steven C. Diane W. Maxwell C. Carbrow Chapel Hill FPV, Mike K. and Michael M. Dwarf and Sir tried to teach hard one to read, but he was just not having it. They tried their best, but hard one would literally run away from books as a tween. That's on you, man. Allmry M. Calum L. Chara Arcadius, Scott D. and Jake L. Puppas extended family.

This little bunch of critters made Mama very proud with a judge, surgeon, and corporate CEO among them. Brilliant little scramble men and women all. No Thor, the prodigy ranger, Shane B. Belushi, the fearless, Dubie Astray and The Pinch. Members of the rap rock band Snake Taint, who opened for Pindergreens rock rap band Ratnuts. Interestingly enough, most of the crowd was there to see the opening act and Pindergreens ended up performing for Justice Parents. Dan, Richard C, Karen T, Joss Nack and Curtis S, a group of noals who hunted Ryan the Ram, but to no avail.

Try as they might, Ryan outfoxed them at every turn. Ryan was driven by the love in his heart for his caretaker and friend, hard one surefoot, friend of the furry and protector of all animals, haza! Have a bad taste in my mouth just reading that, but luckily that is all of our shoutouts. Thank you all so much for listening, we'll see you next week. Bye!