Not Another D&D Podcast - Gangs of Neo Galaderon - Ep. 11: Thin Jim

Episode Date: July 9, 2026

The Kill Screens take on Thin Jim and his Jimmies! Atom's love life gets messy, Aux finds religion, and Slug has strong opinions about health potion flavors. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod... to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music / Sound Effects Include: "Neo Galaderon" by Emily Axford"The Red Fen" by Emily Axford"Aux" by Emily Axford"Cyberskitch" by Emily Axford"Slug" by Emily Axford"Jimmy's Tavern" by Emily Axford"Zone 3" by Emily Axford"The Twinkling Lights of Galaderon" by Emily AxfordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:01 This is a head gun podcast. Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Welcome back to Bahamia, everybody. Bahamia. I'm your dungeon master Brian Murphy, joined by Jake Hurwitz. Having fun and wrecking guns, Oaks Okina.
Starting point is 00:00:28 Yeah. Fun fact, you didn't even try to use your bonus action to fix those things. You've just got two broken guns. I'm about to. I'm about to. He's getting to it. And then, of course, We've got Emily Axford.
Starting point is 00:00:40 And the thick of the shit, but not sweating it, because I can take a hit. I'm slug slap dash. Yes, she is. Do you have a problem with that? Merck was looking at me horrified. Really? No, I was doing a supportive O. She can take a hit.
Starting point is 00:00:54 Do you have a problem with it? Yeah. It wasn't a Tony Soprano O where I have a problem with it. It was an O that I'm excited. Sometimes the Tony Soprano O is a good O. It's just like, oh, like if he finds he's got like extra Ziti in the fridge or something like that. He'll pop out one of those, too.
Starting point is 00:01:08 There are a lot of O's. It's mostly I'm pretty offended. The O's are mostly offended. I trust Murph on this. And then, of course, we got Caldwell Tanner. Ooh, helping Jimmy factions by getting laser action. It's Atom wrong. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:22 Oh, yeah. That's right. And with that, as we remember, the prematurely ejaculating laser, let's go ahead and do a little recap. So last time, you traveled the secret passage between Zone 4 and Zone 3, only to find more connecting tunnels. Apparently, Thin Jim had been smuggling in mothership soldiers from deeper in the city without the boss's knowledge.
Starting point is 00:01:44 You climbed a ladder and snuck into the crypto bar and grill and witnessed Thin Jim being threatened by the prototype. Thin Jim had apparently promised to take out James, but hadn't done so yet, the terrifying cyborg gave him until sunrise to finish the job. You recorded the interaction and brought it to Jimmy's Tavern to warn James. You declared yourselves to the bouncer, and after exchanging terse words and love languages,
Starting point is 00:02:09 they brought you in to see the boss. After showing you the video, he offered you his protection for the night. James also offered to help you get through Zone 2 if you could help him fight off Thin Jim's guys that night. Just as it was revealed that James and Slug were both dating Cherry Ruby Jubilee. Oh, my girlfriend, someone's ripping her off. We both gave a 10 grand. She needs 10 grand.
Starting point is 00:02:34 Literally the only explanation. She's gotten robbed twice. Wow. How can this love triangle only have one side? This is so tragic. And then Thin Jim's guys attacked. You put aside your differences for the moment and went to work defending the tavern. OX managed to break two machine guns.
Starting point is 00:02:49 Adam made a giant laser prematurely ejaculate and slug stormed the battlefield without protection. As she put a dent in the enemy machine gunners, another wave of enemies approached, including Thin Jim and a team of cutthroats. And that's where we are now. So we are going to go right back into initiative. We are at Initiative 21. Slug has just acted. She is on the battlefield alone with dozens and dozens of enemies.
Starting point is 00:03:15 That's fine. Ox and Adam are inside the tavern, which has taken 74 damage and has two broken machine guns. Also fine. If the tavern loses 100 HP, which will be soon, it drops to a lower level of cover. Right now it is at three quarters. There is one squad of cutthroats inside the bar with you. They have already acted attacking Ox. There is one squad of cutthroats with thin gym that are going to go after Slug.
Starting point is 00:03:40 There is also a diminished squad of machine gun jimmies 60 feet away from the bar. There is a mostly healthy squad of brutes 60 feet away. And there is a fresh squad of brutes that have just shown up with thin jim. I had said last time that machine gunner showed up. I was wrong. It's actually brutes. And there's also a paltry squad of cannoneers, just one guy trying to fix his cannon. He's got this.
Starting point is 00:04:03 unsuccessfully. Yeah, I got it. Starts getting a ball ready. But first to act here is the squad of Jimmy cutthroats that is around Slug. They are going to take four attacks. Oh my God. Really bad rolls. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:22 I got to say, though, they might be rolling with advantage. Oh, are you reckless? I can't remember, but I'm at full hit point, so I can't imagine that I wouldn't have. Yeah, okay, so you attacked reckless, so I literally, I literally just rolled four misses, so I'm just going to roll flat again. I really didn't want to tell you, but... Ooh, instead it's three hits. Okay. Okay, so 18, 26 damage piercing.
Starting point is 00:04:49 Oh, stop being so reckless. And then thin Jim in his big metal pants. It's got basically like a mech suit that just takes up the lower half of his body. So goes, he-he-he-ha-ha, reaches into his pocket. You see they extend out and there is a heavy machine gun that is going to take a shot. Yeah! First shot, 15 to hit. Macy!
Starting point is 00:05:13 Okay, blows in the wrong direction there and then it's going to take a Gatling gun shot. You see another gun comes out of his other pocket. Wow, pocket rockets, huh? Yeah, rocket pocket. That is a 23 to hit on the second one. That hits. Okay, Gatling gun does 13. damage and then is going to pull out his laser dagger, roll forward, and take one last
Starting point is 00:05:39 attack at you. That is a 19 to hit. That hits. Okay, with the laser dagger, that's another 13 piercing damage. And then you see, with his bonus action, he's going to go, hey, hey, laid a loser, and is going to bonus action hide in his own pants. It becomes like a barrel. You coward, you turn on.
Starting point is 00:06:00 The pants have an AC and an HP. Oh my God. And potentially he could be knocked out of them, but you see he just hides in his own pants. James, you fucking cow. We got to shoot him in the pants. Yeah, I gesture wildly to back to the tavern to say aim at the pants. I'm hitting away.
Starting point is 00:06:20 Yeah. We're going to pull those pants down. Once I get the gun working. All right. You're going to show this whole bar your ass. All right. As thin Jim hides in his pants, that is oxy's time. That is the cowardly move.
Starting point is 00:06:31 You turn on your men. Enjoy than you hide in your pants. Nah, invested in these pants, and they've paid dividends. All right, Ox is going to stand up from the broken gun that he's at, walk across the bar to the other gun that he previously broke. And I'll use a bonus action to try to fix that one. Go ahead and DC-14 Tech Arconda Church. All right, maybe this one's okay.
Starting point is 00:06:54 15? 15 just passes. So you fix it. Hey, this gun's not so bad. Back down to 1 and 2 is a, uh, All right, cool. Hey guys, I fixed your gun. Slug, do you want me to try to take out some of these cutthroats or you want to... You got the pants or the cutthroats is great. There's also one last can in here. I will say with the machine gun, it does so much damage. You're probably better off going after like full squads to try to take out. Because that'll take out full attacks. For instance, I mean, look, if you can get a direct hit on thin gym, that's great. But like a boss has a lot of HP. So it doesn't help you as much. But if we could take the pants off the snake, maybe you don't.
Starting point is 00:07:33 Ain't nobody getting in these pants. Oh, that makes me more. Well, gross. I don't want to say I want to get in your pants, but I do. This is what it's for. This is my pants. This is just a psychological tactic to make us feel stupid. Those things don't look breathable at all.
Starting point is 00:07:50 I'm sure that you smell like ass. Yeah. I'll fire, I'll let it rip at a full strength squad of brutes. Okay. 19. 19 is definitely going to hit. Brutes. Okay, so a fresh squad of Brutes, you guys see it is sunrise, so they crest over the horizon and ox fixes the machine gun and just starts mowing them down. Wow. Hicking them off.
Starting point is 00:08:12 If this situation wasn't so dire, this would be my perfect sunrise. That is 37 damage. 37 damage. Okay. Fully take out two of the dudes and one of the dudes is extremely hurt. So one guy, they pop out, hey, get ready to crack some skulls, blows his head off. blows the head off the guy next to him and riddles another guy with bullets. Fuck me! Crack your own skull.
Starting point is 00:08:36 Can I take my second shot? You can take another attack with the machine gun specifically if you want, but it'll be a one through a four. You add another chance at it breaking. How many times can I break a gun? Oh, no. I'm going to go for it.
Starting point is 00:08:50 Great. All right, that's a 16 on the die. That's 23. That hits. Nice. So you are just mowing down these brutes. Go ahead and roll me another 60-10. Wow, we got to get you on a,
Starting point is 00:09:00 t-shirt cannon. Your aim is impeccable. Yeah. Hey, you want a shirt to go with those pants? That's 36 damage. You completely take out this row of brutes. So that's the thing with the machine guns. When they work, they work really fucking well.
Starting point is 00:09:16 So this squad of brutes is just fucking mowed down by Ox's machine gun as they're cresting over the horizon. They are out of their. Boom. Sometimes you've got to break a few guns to kill some guys. Always said that.
Starting point is 00:09:31 One of the Jimmy's turns next to you. What do you mean by that? Actually, no, it's pretty clear. Never mind. Not a metaphor at all. It's just something surrealmer used to say. Okay, got it. Yeah, I didn't realize how prophetic it'd be.
Starting point is 00:09:42 Yeah. After Ox's turn, that is the Jimmy Canoneer's turn. Jimmy Canoneer is going to use an action to get the ball a little bit more ready. He's used two, right? No, he used one to get the cannon up, and then another to start loading it. So there's three more action. It's going to end up killing us in an hour. It actually could.
Starting point is 00:10:03 It actually does a fuck ton of damage. I know. That's why I ran out to this field. He starts loading up. He starts loading up. Roll just like, does anyone see that guy? He's just in the background. I want to know his story.
Starting point is 00:10:16 Chekhov's canon. Okay, after that guy that rocks, that is the machine gun jimmies. There are only two guys left in the squad, so they only get to do two attacks on, I guess, the bar. Two hits. That is another 40 damage to the bar. Uh-oh. The bar, a support beam breaks down.
Starting point is 00:10:38 A huge hole opens up in the bar, and you guys are down to half cover inside of the bar. Hey, I was watching the game on that wall. After the machine gun, Jimmy's, that is Adam's turn. Okay, I have one lucky left that I'm going to use here. I pull out a troll doll. I put it on the laser gun. But, just a little lucky charm.
Starting point is 00:11:03 Oh, okay. This is for you. You can rub its Tommy. All right. I'm so jealous. I don't know how into this I am. He's going to watch while we do this. All right? Who are you going to try to shoot?
Starting point is 00:11:17 This cut through is hassling slugs now, right? Yes. All right, I'm an aim for them. Okay. Plus five to hit. Watch your shoulder slugs. Okay. Fuck yes. With Lucky, that is a nice.
Starting point is 00:11:27 19 on the dice, which is a crit. Woo! I have a critical shot because of my gunslinger class. What the fuck? Okay, so that's... 20 D-10 of damage? I sure is. There's almost no chance. Watch your shoulder, slugs.
Starting point is 00:11:43 Both shoulders. Okay. I jump into a fridge that was on the field. Hey, thin, Jim, it's not about the pants. It's about what's underneath. And then I fuck this laser so hard that it erupts for 20 D&D. What's he saying? I'm inside pants
Starting point is 00:11:59 and he's like 90 feet away. That is 102 damage. Jesus. Boom! Laser goes off. You see the squad of cutthroats are all around you like strafing back and forth
Starting point is 00:12:12 and tossing their daggers between their hands. They are erased from the earth. They are gone. There is just a crater where they were. Like the jets snapping their fingers. They're just snapping their fingers. Hey, when you're a Jimmy,
Starting point is 00:12:25 you're a Jimmy auto. And that's gone? Adam, I think you erase them from existence. Get the fuck away from my friend. Their histories have been erased. The library cards, the IDs no longer registered. They are gone. There's nothing left with a smoldering pair of pants in the middle of a crater.
Starting point is 00:12:45 Whoa, that was straight out of an arcade game. I got to say. Is there anything else you'd like to do with your turn? That's one attack. Can I repair one of the other guns with the only action? There's a machine gun. That has not been fixed yet. Okay, cool.
Starting point is 00:12:58 I was broken before I got there. I'm gonna stay plugged in to the laser cannon. Okay. And just like say, I'm just getting some water. Oh, you dog. Oh, you absolute dog. He's on the prowl. I walk over to the machine gun and I say,
Starting point is 00:13:14 come here often. He didn't even take a shower yet. The machine gun's just a machine gun. It's like not that mechanical. So it just doesn't speak. That's crazy. He lied that he had a gun. He said, I'm just getting water.
Starting point is 00:13:27 Go ahead and give me a... Techarkana. Techarkana check, yeah. I miss. Okay, that stays broken. After Adam's turn, that is the Jimmy Brutes turns. Okay, so the ones that just shown up are dead. The ones that have been a little bit diminished by Slug are still alive.
Starting point is 00:13:41 They're going to use full 60-foot dash to get to the bar. So these guys start just like punching dudes in the face, grabbing them, pulling them out the windows, and they climb in. The brutes are now inside the bar with the cut throats. so they cannot be targeted by the guns anymore. Back to the top of the order that is slug. Out on the battlefield here, it is literally just you. You got some machine gun jimmy's around you, and then you've got thin Jim inside his pants.
Starting point is 00:14:11 Thin Jim inside his pants. Inside my pants. First I'm going to see. First of it, I'm going to see if I get my magnetic weapon back. I do. Whoa. Magnus pants off. Okay.
Starting point is 00:14:24 I think I'm looking at the amount of, of people heading into the bar and I'm starting to think, well, I got to get back there. Okay. So I'm going to use my first attack on a machine gun. Okay, great. And I'm reckless. Great. 16 to hit.
Starting point is 00:14:39 16 misses. Oh! AC 17. These guys are pretty armored up. Okay. They block your attack. Second attack. Second attack.
Starting point is 00:14:47 Shit. 19 is a crit. 19 hits. Oh, it's a crit. Okay. She's getting reckless for breakfast. Because it's sunrise. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:56 You're not allowed to allow. 30 damage. Oh, you take out these machine gun jimmies. Machine gun jimmies go down. I will use my magnetic weapon to try to get the cannoneer. Oh, shit. Okay. Great.
Starting point is 00:15:13 So, oh, a crit's also going to hit him. A crit is also going to hit him. Cannonier's neck breaks from getting hit by the flying stick. Cannonier goes down. Okay. Now I think what I'm going to do is I'm going to bonus action. action dash and I'm going to dash back to the tavern. Okay.
Starting point is 00:15:30 And I want to try to just jet dash on some brutes. Great. Okay. So you rocket forward leaving these smoldering pants in the crater here. Yeah, I'm going to say I really want to toe to toe with you, but I got to be honest, I'm worried about the tavern. So. You wait about my pants.
Starting point is 00:15:50 Yeah, I'm trying to get your pants in the tavern. You want me to get in your pants and I want your pants in the tavern. Okay. Go ahead and make your pants. a jet dash attack against the brutes that have just entered the tavern. You rocket forward, lower your shoulder. 24. 24 hits.
Starting point is 00:16:04 26 damage. 26 damage. Okay. You take out two brutes as you shoulder into them, knock them out. They fall down as they're about to enter the tavern. And I want to position myself so that at my maddening fumes are giving everyone disadvantage on attacks against ox and Adam.
Starting point is 00:16:23 Okay. So they just got to be within third, or anyone within a 30 feet radius of me. Okay, sounds good. That'll get the guys inside the tavern. So after your turn, that is the Jimmy Cutthroats that are in the tavern. They're just going to take cracks at you. So as soon as they see, they're like going to close in on Adam and Ox,
Starting point is 00:16:40 they see Slug suddenly smash through a window and kill a bunch of dudes with like an insane shoulder tackle. And then I're just going to go like, okay, made our decision for us, I guess. I pour a Christmas energy drink over my head. Appament. And they're going to take five attacks. These guys have not been hit yet. Sugar plums and the wrapping paper. Sugar plum dairy.
Starting point is 00:17:02 Sugar plum gnaug. Four hits. Okay. 38 piercing damage. Can I use my interception to reduce it? Oh, seven? Yes. Okay.
Starting point is 00:17:14 31. 31 piercing damage. As these Jimmy cutthroats descend and starts stabbing into slug. After the cutthroats turn, that is. is the top of the round, and one last wave of enemies is going to enter. You see cresting their silhouettes over the sunrise. Another squad of machine gun jimmies and another squad of cannoneers rolls up. What?
Starting point is 00:17:42 I just tried so hard to get rid of that. I should have stayed out there. Just laughing from the pants. That's so brutal. All right. after initiative 20, that is back down to Ox's turn. Okay, well, now I see these guys out here, so I think I'm going to keep on shooting this gun.
Starting point is 00:18:01 Okay, who are you going to shoot at? I'll shoot at the machine guns. Okay, yeah, machine gun guys, crest over the horizon. You're going to take a shot with the machine gun. You don't crest. Don't crest, not while I'm watching. We're thinking about cresting. 30-20.
Starting point is 00:18:14 30-20 hits. Go ahead and roll 60-10. This is a no-crest zone. That one is just 30 damage. 30 damage. Okay. No joke. You take out two of the guys, so they're going to have less attacks. Okay, I actually like this, because now I can be sort of protecting the gunners while they take out the...
Starting point is 00:18:32 Yeah, okay, I like this. What's the threshold going up to you now? It is one to five right now. One to five? All right, I'm just going to keep on... I'm not going to take my finger off the trigger. I got a five. Okay, so you break it. This was already broken.
Starting point is 00:18:46 This one was already broken. Come on. You've got to treat them gentle. You see one of the Jimmy's turns to you. I think I saw you break that. one. No, no, no. I broke that one over there. So I'm going to go, I'm going to use my bonus action, walk across the bar to the other gun. Okay, great. And fix that one with the bonus action. OX. Have you never been with a gun before? That's a 16. 16 passes. Okay, so you fix the other gun
Starting point is 00:19:08 while this one just smokes and fills up the bar. Honestly, not that different from Adam's dating life. After OX's turn, that is the Jimmy Canoniers. The Jimmy Canoniers, they got a full crew. They have Five guys, they can use all five actions to shoot the fucking cannon at the wall. They're going to just, they're just going to try to blow up the freaking bar with a 24 to hit to do 50 damage to the bar. To the bar, you see an entire wall comes down. I think they broke a gun. I think they broke that gun that I was just shooting.
Starting point is 00:19:47 After the cannoneers, that is the machine gun Jimmy. they are going to fire on the bar as well. With the first two big attacks, the heavy machine gun and the Gatling gun, that is another 49 damage. That is going to take it over the threshold again. It is down to quarter cover. So you guys only get plus 2AC.
Starting point is 00:20:10 Oh, and they have been diminished, so they only have one more attack. So one last Tommy gun attack. That is going to hit, and that is another 10 damage to the bar. So the bar is looking, Pretty rough. Only have plus 2 AC by being inside.
Starting point is 00:20:26 After the machine gun, Jimmy's. That's back to Adam's turn. I'm really mad now. I look around at all this destruction and say, this was a registered landmark. How could you? This was a piece of Neo-Galator on history. It's on the register.
Starting point is 00:20:39 I turned to the gun. I'm a bit of a history buff. Okay. I got to handle these cannoneers, I think. I got to go for them. Yeah, that's smart. Also, I just realized I've not had thin Jim Act because I forgot about him because he's in the pants.
Starting point is 00:20:52 so he will act after Adam. He was so hidden. So he's still laughing in his pants. He doesn't have a great view on the battlefield right now. So he just doesn't know what's going on. He thinks he's commanding the cutthroats that have just been singed next to him. Right. He rated a pants action.
Starting point is 00:21:07 All right. Everyone carry me to the bar. Plus five to hit. Here we go. Come on. Fuck! Okay. It's a four.
Starting point is 00:21:17 God damn it. It's not broken. Laser gun does not break. But the DC of it breaks. breaking goes down. I was just getting water, I swear. I saw what you tried. You're messy at him.
Starting point is 00:21:30 I mean, I'd do it if I could. You meant nothing to me. You are so messy. You're messy. I don't need this right now. Someday I'll have this. I know, you're going back to school. You told me all about it.
Starting point is 00:21:43 So what would you like to do with the rest of your turn? I can attack again, right? Yeah, you can. All right, let's fucking go. Let's try it. All right, so this will be 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 now. 15 plus 5 this wedding Yes, that'll hit
Starting point is 00:21:54 Now that I know this is casual I can relax Be careful when you play it with lasers hearts 43 damage Okay, you take out half of this squad of cannoneers here Incredible Behold the power of my situation ship
Starting point is 00:22:10 That felt like goodbye sex So there's two cannon ears left Slightly better off than they were Last time they work together to write the cannon and get ready to in two turns shoot the gun again. Wow. Teamwork. That's beautiful. Yeah. Okay. So it takes three actions to load the cannon and one action to fire it.
Starting point is 00:22:29 So each of them, fuck, it's going to take two rounds. Yeah. So two rounds of them getting ready again. Okay. Chekhov's cannon is back. Anything you want to do with your bonus action? Yeah, I will throw a flare grenade at the cutthroats that are in the bar. Sick, why not? Oh, I love that.
Starting point is 00:22:44 Okay, they make a constitution saving throw, right? DC 13. That is a fail. They fail. All right. So they'll be working with disabroatsy. advantage here. Just look what you've done to the molding. How am I supposed to look? You just threw a fucking flash grenade, asshole. It's emblazoned in your mind now. Okay. Then that is Thin Jim's turn.
Starting point is 00:23:02 Thin Jim has some rogue bullshit. It's going to be able to use bonus actions and stuff to get to the bar with his movement. So he is able to get in. He has to use his bonus action. So he's not going to be able to hide in the pants this time. All right. He actually thinks about it.
Starting point is 00:23:18 Wait, if I'm sure I want to do this? Okay. He's going to go up and why not take three attacks on Slug. First things first, he's going to try to get his heavy machine gun back. He doesn't. He's going to try to get his Gatling gun back. Does. Okay.
Starting point is 00:23:33 I'm waving down James and I'm saying he's here. He's here. Yeah, you see James has got his brass knucks out is being like swarmed by nine other jimmies that are on top of him stabbing him. And he's just punching and killing people. Oh, yeah, try my fucking, just fucking kill him. To fucking kill him! To fucking kill anyone! You see, he just grabs another guy's face and pops the guy's eyeballs
Starting point is 00:23:57 as another guy stabs him in the back. Fuck! Okay, I thought this would be more cathartic for you. They stopped. There's no cathars is here. It's all fucking violence. Okay. My part's fucking ruined.
Starting point is 00:24:07 Okay, I'll take care of your rat problem, okay? All right. So this guy is going to take, first things first, Gatling gun attack on Slug. Cherry Rubelie is coming over later. Who is jude? Cherry Rubelie! That's our girlfriend!
Starting point is 00:24:23 Cherry Ruby Jubilee! You don't even know her. No, that's a nickname. She told me I could call it. Okay, I thought that was Adam being messy. That's not fair. He gets stabbed in the neck. Fuck!
Starting point is 00:24:32 Slugs paid 400 credits to use that nickname. All right, 21 to hit you slug and first attack. Hits. 15 piercing damage. Okay. Then takes two more laser dagger attacks. One misses, one hits, another 11 damage. Okay.
Starting point is 00:24:48 Piercing. Still feeling okay. Still feeling all right. I mean, I'm a slug okay. Okay, that makes sense. So anyone else on death door? On death door. All right.
Starting point is 00:24:56 Thin Jim, it just has to hang out. Can't hide inside of his pants. Hey! After Thin Jim, that is the Jimmy Brutes. They're going to, I guess, just take cracks at slug. Why not? Okay. They're going to, they literally have a move called Slug.
Starting point is 00:25:13 So they're going to try to frigging. You think that's going to work on me? Yeah, I think I'm going to fucking slug, slug. You got a fucking problem with that? All right. Does it look like I've had a problem With all the slugs I've been taken? It does. I rolled a fucking 18. That's a 27 to hit.
Starting point is 00:25:26 That hits. All right. 15 bludgeoning damage. Slugs you right in the stomach. Takes a second attack. That's a 26 to hit. Slugs you in the back for 10 damage. Oh, man. Top of the round, that slugs turn.
Starting point is 00:25:40 So most of the guys are straight up in the bar now. There's cannoneers that are going to like try their best to shoot in a little bit. There's still machine gunners that can shoot from outside the bar as well. Slug you're up. All right, I'm going to start with the brutes. That's a 19, which is a crit. Whoa.
Starting point is 00:25:59 Okay, yeah, as they slug you, you return fire or rather return hockey stick. 26 damage. 26 damage, you finish off the brutes. These brutes are toast. And two bodies drop. With my ferocity, I'm going to go ahead and cleave on to Thin Gym. You should have hitting your pants, bud.
Starting point is 00:26:19 Should have hit in my pants. 23? 23 hits. 10 damage and he's got to do a con save or fall prone. Nope. Up. Roll the three, fails. Falls prone.
Starting point is 00:26:32 Falls out of his pants. Does he? He's connected to them. He's connected to them. It looks like he shits in here. Yeah. Okay. Whoa, you need to get some sort of drainage in there.
Starting point is 00:26:46 It's sloshing. Cut an air hole or something. It looks like a party punch in there with some Sherbrook flow. Aim for the poop tube. Fucking foul. Okay, now I'm going to do my second attack on thin gym. That's going to be 25 to hit. 25 hits.
Starting point is 00:27:05 18 damage. And then because I crit earlier, I would get a bonus action attack with the same weapon. Sick. 21 hit. Hits. And out of 16 damage. Okay. It looks pretty hardy, but you've done a not-intensity.
Starting point is 00:27:20 significant amount of damage to him. I am also going to change to my reconstruction serum. Okay. That is back up to the Jimmy Cutthroats. They're rolling disadvantage because of the flash grenade and you do not attack recklessly, correct? Yeah, because when I'm bloodied, I don't have to reckless. All right, five attacks with disadvantage.
Starting point is 00:27:37 Two hits. Okay. 17 damage, piercing. Oh, boy. I'm down, but I'm also relentless. So I pop back up to one HP. Okay. Oh.
Starting point is 00:27:48 Just to absorb one last hit, before I go. Yeah, okay. So you've been stabbed by a bunch of these cutthroats. You're already so injured. And you see Thin Jim on his turn is going to kip up. And they're just going to walk over and go, He He ain't so tough now, are you?
Starting point is 00:28:09 Let's say you and me, a duel. Yeah, okay, I'll duel. He-he-ha-ha. You have one-h-h-h-p. Oh, okay, so another cow would be moved. You see, someone... At the worst. Rolls try to get his heavy machine gun back.
Starting point is 00:28:24 Does get the heavy machine gun back. Does not get his Gatlin gun back. But he's going to just use his laser dagger on you, Slug. So we'll take an attack, Nat 20, kind of wasted. But you guys see Thin Jim sneaks up as Slug is being attacked by all these cutthroats and just like gets in stabs up by like her kidney. and you see slug drops. No, slug.
Starting point is 00:28:52 This time I'm really down. Yeah, slug drops. And then he's going to turn. You see, one of his pockets extends out, and he takes a heavy machine gun attack at Ox here. Wow, you think you're so big with those pants. You damn right, I do. You see, blows a hole in the wall, misses, rolls a Nat 5,
Starting point is 00:29:14 so only got a 14. So waste is a heavy machine gun attack. That's big. then is going to take a, it's going to charge Ox and just take a laser dagger attack. Okay. Oh, we're charging, huh? I know how to charge. Uh, 22 to hit you.
Starting point is 00:29:28 That hits. Okay, 14 piercing damage. Okay. And then as a bonus action, eh, eh. Oh, don't even. Is going to hide inside of his pants. After Thin Jim's turn, that is back to Ox's turn. So you've got slug down, bleeding out here, surrounded by cutthroats.
Starting point is 00:29:44 You got Thin Jim hiding in his pants. There are machine goods. gun jimmies and stuff outside, but the guys in the bar are your concern right now for sure. Yeah. Okay. I think I'm just going to shoulder past these pants and just try to knock them down as I charge the Jimmy cutthroats. Okay, great.
Starting point is 00:30:00 I'll take two attacks with my mall, and I'm going to use the charging feet. Great. To add D8. Oh, yeah. That's a crit, baby. Whoa. And a 19. Yeah, you see Slug is down.
Starting point is 00:30:11 You scream in fury, charge past, knock these pants over. They just wobble down with like a really. tinny sound. You crash through these cutthroats. Go ahead and do your damage. Okay, between both attacks, that is 50 damage. Wow. Okay. You straight up obliterate a couple of these guys as you shoulder your way in, use your mace, take a couple guys out. There are only two left. They will only get two attacks now on their turn. So these cutthroats have been more than have. All right. And then with my bonus action, I just yell, Rova, make yourself useful. Come on, help slug out. So can I have Rover just wheel over and administer a healing potion to Slug?
Starting point is 00:30:54 4D4 plus 4. Go ahead and roll that and Slug will pop back up. As you roll that, we will move down an initiative. I think Slug gets kind of picky. Rova, what flavor is it? Rova, you know she likes the cherry. Anything but cabana banana. You see he is trying to pull a cabana banana.
Starting point is 00:31:13 Rover, you kill me twice. She hates the Thanksgiving-flavored ones. You know that. Give her the Dr. Peppa, Robert. He communicates that those ones are at the bottom. Be-boop. So fish him out, but. She likes Celsius, Christmas orgasm.
Starting point is 00:31:31 What are you doing? He communicates to you, Ox, that if you have all of your favorites now, you're going to be left with all of your least favorites later. So it's better to just kind of grab it at the randomly. He's got a point. You're smart. You think you're so smart because you are. I'm like a kid.
Starting point is 00:31:46 I'm moving my mouth away from it. I don't want it. I hate a banana. Drink the other one later. You pop back up. What did you roll for the HP? 15. Oh, I'll take it.
Starting point is 00:32:00 So I'll back up with 15. Okay, that is the Jimmy Canonneers. Jimmy Canoniers do half the work needed to load the cannon. Two actions. You see, they managed to get the- Keep your eye on them. The ball is almost inside it. They will be able to fire it.
Starting point is 00:32:16 So it is a little bit of a concern. So it's going to take two full turns to do it. Then that is the machine gun jimmies that are left. They are going to march forward. They're going to keep using their movement to get closer. They get within 30 feet. They still have three attacks. But that is three hits on the bar for another 40 damage.
Starting point is 00:32:43 Bar has taken 250 damage. 50 more damage and there's just a huge hole and these guys can fire at you willy-nilly and the cannoneers could potentially fire at you Willie Nile. James, have you ever had a dream for a different bar? Is this being attacked on all angles? As soon as these guys
Starting point is 00:33:00 get into the bar, the other jimmies that aren't fighting you guys are all like targeting James. So you see like he has several mortal wounds but it's just like healing from them but there's just guys stabbing him from all angles. Just because you survive doesn't mean there's no pain. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:16 So he's just screaming. It hurts every time. After the machine gun, Jimmy's, that is Adam's turn. Adam sees the cannoneers on the horizon whistling, singing a song like the seven dwarfs. We're so while we load. Damn, that's good. They're a team. They believe in each other.
Starting point is 00:33:38 So I'm going to let them do their thing for now because I really, you know, deep in my heart I support them. But I'm going to go after these cutthroats. I'm going to pull out a. flashing yo-yo from inside my compartment. He's peacocking. And I start spinning it around and it starts lighting up with electricity. Cool. And then I'm going to fling it right at the cutthroats as a chromatic orb.
Starting point is 00:33:57 Okay, sick. It's an attack roll. I have plus seven to this. That's 18. 18 hits. All right, so it's 3D8. I'll roll the same number on two of the 2D8s. I attack again.
Starting point is 00:34:08 Okay. That's two-toes, baby. We're going to attack again. That is going to be 12 damage. Okay, 12 damage. Half of them again. there's just one dude left. The yo-yo explodes in the middle.
Starting point is 00:34:19 Ah, you killed him. Jimmy! And that is going to be a dirty-twinity hit. Dirty-20 is going to hit. Okay, I'll roll again. Nine more damage. Okay. One Jimmy cutthroat is looking so injured, but he's still there.
Starting point is 00:34:35 I'm going to fucking kill you, dude. Okay, and with my bonus action, I'll go ahead and toss another potion at slugs. Okay, great. Double up. In the air. You know her favorite flavor. Which flavor? Which flavor is it?
Starting point is 00:34:48 Beef flavor. I don't think I can handle another cabana banana. Slugs, don't worry. It's New Year's flavor. New Year's flavor. It tastes like champagne and cigarettes. You see, Rover is furiously trying to get you to not just grab your favorites. And it's just clutching at Adam.
Starting point is 00:35:05 Beam, boom, boom, boom. It's like fireworks in a bottle. Don't close the lid on them. You look at all the cabana banana and all the gravy-flavored ones left. He's like champagne and lipstick. Okay, as you roll that, we're going to move on an initiative after Adam. That is Slug's turn.
Starting point is 00:35:23 Okay. So Slug, you've got thin gym inside his pants. That's 12 points of healing. There you go. Should all old injuries be forgot. Incredible. You know, I'm just going, I know we got the Canaanians.
Starting point is 00:35:38 Do you guys want me to go after the Canaanians? I kind of want to see what they do. Whistle while we load. gonna kill James and his friends James, I know you're in mortal danger How are that? Oh, fuck! Okay, but I do have a genuine question
Starting point is 00:35:53 If you could shut up for a second. Okay, what? Would you prefer a bigger check from insurance? I always want to do insurance fraud. Okay, okay. Then I'm going after thin gym. Okay, thin gym is inside his pants. The pants have 50 HP and 18 AC.
Starting point is 00:36:10 Can I pick up the pants and shake them out? Yes, okay. Okay, I'm gonna tell you how this works. Okay, if he falls prone, he'll spill out. I have this literally written down. If he is not prone, he tumbles out of his pants standing. So he will not fall prone, but you will roll out of his pants.
Starting point is 00:36:31 Okay, so instead of shaking him out, I just, okay. You attack the pants. I'm still saying, you got ants in your pants and I'm attacking. This is definitely a move you've done in cyberskits. You pants other players all the time. Does 16? 16 does not hit. So you ding his pants.
Starting point is 00:36:46 Hey, he's a strong pants. Quit ding in the denim. Shit. Okay, I really got it. God, are those salvage? The Twil was insane. Oh my God, I miss both times. I'll say you like straight up pick up his pants.
Starting point is 00:36:59 You can't get in his pants. And are slamming it on the ground trying to get him out. Hey, can't get in my pants. Come on, slugs. Cream his jeans. I am going to, and then I needed to use my bonus action to go back into a rage. so that's my old damn turn. Oh my God, brutal.
Starting point is 00:37:16 I shoot daggers at Rover, and I'm like, maybe if someone would give me something out of any Cabana banana. We all know you're saving your favorite healing potions for yourself, Rover. We know you like the cigarette flavor. All right, there's so much Cabana banana left because no one wants them. If we only get Cabana banana, why do we have so many? Why do we let Rover do the shopping? Beep, boop.
Starting point is 00:37:42 He gets the variety. back. You got a coupon? Roba, do you have a coupon again? Come on. There's only like one cranberry cigar in here. There's a lot of fruit cigarettes, but you only get one of each. I love Kranggar. One of my favorites. Prankar. Pretty sure that's a god in this universe too. Yeah. When do you...
Starting point is 00:38:03 All hail Krancaw. The guy has cigars and cranberries. He's about to die. He finds God in his last moment. He's going to attack, since Adam. just threw that sick yo-yo. Dinked him with a yo-yo. Oh, actually, though, I'm back up. I'm in a rage. Disadvantage on Adam.
Starting point is 00:38:20 Mrs. Adam. Suck those fumes. Right on. Crangar, help. Crangar would never help the likes of you. Crangar has forgotten you. Cramgar wears a wreath of cranberries and smokes the longest cigar. You're going to the ash tray in the sky.
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Starting point is 00:41:09 capable device required, availability, speed, and coverage varies. See, Mintmobile.com for detail. That thin gym is going to pop out of his pants. You see, yeah, emerges from his pants. He's going to roll to get his Gatling gun back, does get it back. Roll to get his heavy machine gun back does not get it back. It's going to, first things first, take an attack on Slug with the Gatling gun.
Starting point is 00:41:32 Misses. Yeah, because he's rolling flat now. Misses big time, but then takes two laser dagger attacks for two hits. That's another 19 damage of piercing slug. Nine for me. And then it's going to hide in his pants. Come on.
Starting point is 00:41:50 Disappears and the pants flop over so stiff. He's just swimming in his juices. I couldn't take care of him. And then that is Ox's turn. I'm going to go step back up into the gun and say, Kranga God, my aim.
Starting point is 00:42:05 Krangah has listened. That's a Nat 20. Okay. Krangah's real. Oh, hail Krangah. Do you want machine gun, Jimmy's? You're a cannoneer. You didn't specify you were going after.
Starting point is 00:42:17 Yeah, cannoneer. They're about to decimate us, right? All right. So there were only two cannoneers left. With a crit on the machine gun, there is literally no way you don't take out the cannoneers. So you mow them down. There is just another freaking crater in the ground. The cannoneers are gone.
Starting point is 00:42:36 There is no more threat of cannon. Ocks, you can take the rest of your turn. Hell, yes. I'll just keep on squeezing. the trigger. Okay. Try to get the gun is. That's a four.
Starting point is 00:42:48 So the gun is broken. Got it. You gotta stop breaking the fucking guns. Grand God, you've done enough. You have done enough. And I'm going to tell Rova to just see if he can hit Thin Jim's pants to try to flush him out. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:02 Okay. Rova, here you go. This is your chance. That's a five. Rova's all right. Rover digs the pants. Hey, quit digging my pants. Rova, come over here.
Starting point is 00:43:11 Okay. After Ox's turn, that is the machine gun jimmies. two of them. They're going to just say, fuck it. They don't even need to worry about the cover. So they use another 30 feet of movement. You see two machine gunners get inside here, or rather three. There's three guys like, they have 45 HP. Shit. So they are going to take a gatling gun attack on ox who just fired on them. Why not? With disadvantage. In that case, they're just going to fire at Slug then. Yeah. They're not going to just miss on everything. So they just get so mad for in the maddening fumes.
Starting point is 00:43:45 It fucking smells like violence in here. That's this guy stowing in his pants. There's no drainage. They miss, they ding off the pants again. Stop dingin the pants. And then they're going to take two Tommy gun attacks at you slug. Miss on the second attack and miss on the third attack. Nice.
Starting point is 00:44:04 Bad rolls. All right. After the machine gun, Jimmy's Adam, that is your turn. Okay. I'm going to try and help pride thin Jim out of his pants. You'll never get me out. I rev up my drill arm. Oh, okay, sick.
Starting point is 00:44:19 So this should be able to get him prone if it hits. Yeah, great. Time to drain the shit. Fuck, shout out to the two crew. You pink harmlessly off this way. Can I take another attack? You sure can, yeah, yeah. The drill arm, I believe, needs to get recharged, though, right?
Starting point is 00:44:33 It's a recharge. Yeah, it's a five and six. Okay, there you go. Gentlemen, we're getting bested by pants. We killed so many guys outside, and we can't kill the pants. I know. All right, fine. I'll just fire a shot.
Starting point is 00:44:44 gun out. He just get frustrated. Bullet gun out and start firing the point blank into these pants. Just an ATM
Starting point is 00:44:52 with a gun shooting at Wallace and Gromit. Prepare to be unzipped, asshole. You can get in anyone's pants. That is going to be
Starting point is 00:45:00 a dirty 20. Dirty 20 hits. 12 damage. Okay, the pants still have a lot of HP. You dent the pants but you see
Starting point is 00:45:09 him moving around inside to avoid. You see, as you blow out one leg with the shotgun. You see like just little bits of movement inside the pants as you successfully get to the other. We literally got to put a hands in there. No, we got a pants in.
Starting point is 00:45:24 Trying to get your hands in my pants. Yeah. I think we ought to put a hands in my pants. Okay. Slug, that's your turn. Okay. I'm fucking going half that a pants. Okay.
Starting point is 00:45:33 I'm going to pants this motherfucker. Oh my God. I miss again. Okay. You just ding off the fucking pants. 21 day. Okay. That it's.
Starting point is 00:45:43 Do your damage. And then he will roll a con save plus zero to this. He falls out of his pants if he fails it. He rolled a 70 and he stays in his pants. Oh, my God. Okay, 18 damage. 18 damage. Okay, the pants are at 20 HP.
Starting point is 00:45:58 The pants are starting to look fucked up. The pants are smoking. Gears and Gizmos are flying out of it. You got to put that denim back in the freezer. Okay. Can I adrenaline rush to dash around the room when they come back? Typically, that wouldn't work. because they would get an opportunity attack,
Starting point is 00:46:16 but in this case, he's in hiding in his pants, so yes. Shit. Yeah, okay. Smoke his ass, Krangar style. Also, I used another hit die as part of my reconstruction, so I'm up to 28. Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 00:46:29 My final fucking attack on this motherfucker with my jet dash. Come on. Okay, 14 on the die. There we go. That becomes a 23. Hits his pants. And my jet dash has a DC-16 strength or fall, Come on.
Starting point is 00:46:45 Crit his pants. I'm not joking, he crit. But you might literally break his pants and he might fall out. 21 more damage. 21 more damage. Slug, finish these pants. Yes! Okay, I think I'm sneaking up behind and I'm giving them a good old pants in.
Starting point is 00:47:04 Okay. You literally just pick up the pants. You shake them and Thin Jim falls out and he's just got heart boxers on and rolls around. And rolls around and grabs. What else follows out of the pants? Yeah, yeah, they're silk. Give me back my pants. Oh, my God, there's a soap.
Starting point is 00:47:20 No, in fact, I'm going to put them on. Oh, God, they stink. It ain't funny. All right. After Slug's turn, that is Thin Jim's turn. Thin Jim no longer has his pants. Doesn't have access to his guns. Whoa.
Starting point is 00:47:33 I was going to take three attacks on Slug, though. Okay. Not with advantage. Oh, my God. Yeah, lowest attacks is 22, so three hits. Okay. Wow. 26 piercing damage.
Starting point is 00:47:43 That's fine because I got my reconstruction back, so that becomes 13. I'm still doing good. Okay, if you're still doing good, he's then going to go, later, suckers, and he is going to disengage and then just running out of that bar. He's 30 feet outside the bar now. Oh, my God. After his turn, that's Ox's turn. Can I try to fix the gun?
Starting point is 00:48:10 Yeah, you can. Okay. Bonus action. That little weasel. Yeah, Thin Jim is just in his foxes. Running back. It's an 18. So big for your britches, huh?
Starting point is 00:48:21 18 fixes them. Okay. Okay, so back to one and two on a failure. Machine guns plus seven to hit. Nice. Thin Jim, I'll tell you, has, without his pants, AC-16. Okay. I'll take my first attack with the gun.
Starting point is 00:48:35 16 to hit. Oh, that just hit. Wow. Thin Jim hasn't taken that much damage. He potentially could fucking escape. which would be terrible. 32 damage. Okay, you shoot him a bunch of times in the back.
Starting point is 00:48:48 You see he does have like alterations back there. So a bunch of stuff starts glitching out. You see blood starts spraying. No, no! And he just starts strafing back and forth, serpentine across the battlefield, but he's still alive. Okay, I got one more attack with this gun. Okay, go for it. That's 14.
Starting point is 00:49:08 Okay, misses, fires into the dirt next to him as he runs. continues to run off. He's getting away. 30 feet away. You can't do this. That is the machine gun Jimmy's turn. Still three of those guys left. Okay. First is a hit with the Gatling gun. 20 piercing damage. Slug. Second attack hits with the Tommy gun. Third attack misses. Tommy gun does 10 damage.
Starting point is 00:49:31 Wait, Slug, I can use my interception again. It's a reaction. Take 11 off. Whoa. That's huge. All right. So that negates and enthia hit. I shoulder into him while they're shooting. Adam, that is your turn. You've got Thin Jim running away.
Starting point is 00:49:45 Let me go, I surrender. Anything to get Thin Jim out of you. I'm on your side. You can't surrender and run away. Yeah, I'll save you guys. Kill screens. Kill screens forever. I'm tempted to use the laser, but I feel like I trust my own guns more now.
Starting point is 00:50:01 Sure. So I'm going to climb up onto the second story of the building. Hell yeah. And just like train a sniper rifle on him. Sick, yeah. You climb up the building. A giant hole in the side. It's smoking.
Starting point is 00:50:13 You see that your jimmies, the jimmies that stage true to James look like they're starting to get the better of the battle at this point. Thin Jim, though, is making his way off, running off. And you think maybe if he makes it back to the Cryptobar and Grill, he might have a fresh pair of pants there. I've got pants for you. I will tell you right now, I'm going to make this clear. He has 32 HP left. And he will, on his next turn, he will be able to move like 90 feet. with all his own bullshit.
Starting point is 00:50:44 You will get very far. If I can put some lead in his ass with a critical shot, that will slow him. Okay, go ahead. First attack. That's a 19. That's a crit. So there's all this kind of like joking around and stuff.
Starting point is 00:51:01 It's like, oh man, the pants. Do you see Adam coldly assembles a sniper rifle on top of the bar? Just aims at his head and goes to shoot him. I'll go and roll the second attack. That's going to be a dirty 20. Hits also. All right, let me roll this damage. Come on, dude.
Starting point is 00:51:19 28 points of damage. Oh my God. But because of the gut shot feature, if I score a critical against a large or smaller creature, the bullet is lodged. He now has disadvantaged on attack and its speed is half. Christ. Oh, huge. You shoot thin gym directly in the back. He collapses and just starts crawling.
Starting point is 00:51:40 going away. No, no, no. Stop. Stay where you are. No, no, no, no. I can help you. I can help you. Kill Scrains. Slug, top of the round, that's you. I'm running out there. Listen, listen. No, no, no, no, no. I know all the secrets. I know all the secrets. I'm running out there. I know all the secrets. You want to work with that? Look, I got my guys. James got his guys. What's the difference? We put the guys together. That's just one big happy family of Jimmy's, okay? 26th. 26 hits. Look, prototype is scary.
Starting point is 00:52:10 You're going to need all the help you can get. 18 damage. Go ahead and finish the gym. I want to. You need all the help you can get. You need a pair of pants. You need a fresh pair of pants. I get your fresh pair of pants.
Starting point is 00:52:21 I'm going to just drag him back into the bar where he ran from. And I'm just going to mush him into his shitty pants. Oh, my God. A shitty broken pants. Okay. Yeah, you just start slamming his head into the scrap metal of his pants. I love your pants so much. I love my pants.
Starting point is 00:52:37 Why don't you marry him? Oh, my shit. He's marrying his. his pants. And then I hold him up. I hold him up like a, like Simba and the Lion King through James. And I'm like, is this your rat? Did I find your rat?
Starting point is 00:52:51 That's the rat. And then I toss him over. You toss him over. He's already dead and limp. You just see James really works some stuff out. And James just starts pounding on thin Jim's body. Fuck you. You're so disrespectful every time we'd have a fight.
Starting point is 00:53:09 You'd hide in your damn pants. Always with the freaking pants. I toss the broken pants over too if he wants to work it out on those. He just starts working it out on the pants. There are machine gun Jimmy's left, but they frankly cannot do enough damage to take out the rest of the squad. So at this point, they hold their hands up and they surrender.
Starting point is 00:53:30 And you see the other Jimmy's take them captive. So you guys have successfully defeated Thin Jim and his crew. In his pants. And his pants. pants are gone. James runs over, starts grabbing it. He has, like, so much strength in his hands because they've been augmented,
Starting point is 00:53:49 starts bending the metal pants to make, like, metal mugs, and hands them out to you guys and goes, hey, you guys are honorary jimmies for tonight. Let's say we drink to this fucking douchebag being dead. Yes, let's sanitize it first. Let's give this a quick
Starting point is 00:54:05 rinse, though, first, right? Fuck your pants. Fuck your pants. Fuck your pants. Fuck your pants. Fuck your pants. Fuck your pants. All right. Yeah, we'll rinse them after.
Starting point is 00:54:14 You see a bunch of people start jumping behind the bar pouring whiskey directly into your mouths and directly into the mugs made out of thin Jim's pants. This has been a long cold war between the two factions of the South Avenue jimmies. So this has been a long time coming. Everyone is super psyched. A bunch of people come over and pat you guys on the back. Couldn't have done it without you. Oh, I mean, hey, I wouldn't kick a meatball, not a meatball sub out of bed. All right, meatballs sub.
Starting point is 00:54:48 Thank you. Can't do no harm. You see, a chef walks over. You see, the kitchen has been, like, completely destroyed by the cannon, just tries to work around it and makes, like, 80% as good meatball sub. Some's smoldering over there. You could roast the meatball there. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:06 I think I turned to Ox and Adam, and I think I'm feeling a little. Should we say thank you to Krangar? Krangar is good. Grandgar is good. Everyone here, Adam pulls three cigars out of his ass. Light him up for Krangar. Smoke them if you got them. For Krangar.
Starting point is 00:55:24 Sweet. You guys all dedicate this victory to Krangar. Who's a god, dude, doesn't exist. I'm dipping my cigar on a whiskey. This is living. I forget we got any trouble. Yeah, I'm feeling close to Krangar right now. Yes, we're almost home. You guys just have one zone left to get through. You see James gives you guys big hugs, grabs your faces,
Starting point is 00:55:49 gives you guys kisses on both cheeks, and goes like, now that's respect, okay? I honor respect and I honor loyalty, okay? You guys rest up. We got a couple of apartments upstairs. Any open doors yours? Get some rest, all right? I'm going to round up the troops to get ready for,
Starting point is 00:56:06 I was going to say tomorrow, but points out at the sunrise. later today, I guess. We'll get you home. We'll get you home today. You got a telescope or anything in one of these rooms? Because I kind of want to get sights on what's ahead of us. Maybe see what's happening at the arcade if we're close enough. Do I strike you as a type of dude that would have a telescope and would look at the stars? Do you strike me as a man of integrity and eccentric taste?
Starting point is 00:56:34 Yes, you do. You are a criminal hobbyists. That's very good. I do have a telescope. Yes, there's a telescope in one of the guest rooms up there. I'll have some of my guys bring one in. Okay. Yeah, let's go take a look. Sweet.
Starting point is 00:56:50 Let's go stargazing. Yeah, you guys climb up a back staircase. The jimmies are just, like, going absolutely wild. So you just hear, like, a ton of noise downstairs. Seems like they're not even going to go to sleep. But you guys have taken a beating from several fights today. Yeah, this is the same day that you guys fought, P.A.
Starting point is 00:57:09 drunk early. And ourselves, possibly a hardest fight all. Oh, yeah, wow. It killed me. Yeah. So you guys go up this back staircase. You see a couple of these Jimmy Brutes, these bodyguards are guarding the apartment area, but they let you to a nice little one-bedroom apartment.
Starting point is 00:57:27 See, the bed is quite small, gnome size, but it's got a swanky sort of madmen vibe to it. Nice view of the city. Telescope, of course. A lot of burgundy. It feels like he kept the mistress here for sure. Yeah. There's a lot of burgundy, the drapes, the rugs, there's a little beverage cart. Even the toilet papers velvet.
Starting point is 00:57:47 Guys, he was setting this aside for Cherry, wasn't he? Oh, shit. This is where it was supposed to happen. A tear comes the slugs eye. Is there a red dress in there? Yeah. A tear comes the slug's eye. Cherry would have loved this.
Starting point is 00:58:02 Adam gets fully lost in it and puts a hand on slugged shoulder and says, Cherry will love it. Yeah, you're ready. Guys, what's going on? I thought we... You know what, never mind. You're right. Ox, there's a cherry out there for all of us.
Starting point is 00:58:15 That's true. That's true. What if James is the right one for her? I was thinking, oh, she could be our girlfriend. But if I'm going to take off in a spaceship to the stars, maybe I don't have time for a girlfriend. That's true. Crangar will provide.
Starting point is 00:58:32 Fuck. So says Crangar. Suddenly so religious. I spray free. Rangar lives inside the building I erase Eddie lives Okay
Starting point is 00:58:46 I want to I want to put my eye to the telescope I mess up at first figuring out which eye To open Oh shit Not directly at the sun
Starting point is 00:58:55 Slug come on My ear Okay ow Oh yeah you're right There's no stars It's too early So I won't get distracted By the stars
Starting point is 00:59:03 I go right for what's ahead And specifically I actually I don't think I'm being So strategic about this I think I want to see what's going on at the arcade. I want to see how are you getting besieged. Go ahead and give me a perception check.
Starting point is 00:59:15 You can make with advantage because of the telescope. 21. Okay. Nice. So you look out, you can't see the arcade from here, but what you do see is there are these checkpoints along the main roads, these like kind of heavily guarded areas that have like barricades up. So there's one from zone three to zone two.
Starting point is 00:59:39 that is manned by jimmies, or there are several checkpoints that are, jimmies are making sure that nobody's going to come through and try to fuck up their stuff, particularly while the city is in lockdown and Mothership is trying to run through. But these is James' Jimbs. These are James as Jimmies, right?
Starting point is 00:59:56 You do see, though, smoke coming up from one of them, so one of them was attacked, and you can kind of deduce from that that was probably the prototype and his dudes. But it doesn't look like the other side, has fallen. So they haven't been able to get straight from like Zone 6 since James never died, since Thin Jim failed. The prototype has not been able to just bring all of his vehicles and all of his armies through all of the zones. Does that make sense? Okay, so he's just got a smaller squad
Starting point is 01:00:27 through. Then you see inside Zone 2, you see there are jailbreaker security bots, jailbreaker Your drones, jail breaker, they're called like iron fists. They have these like big metal fists and like wrecking balls. They're patrolling the streets with mothership soldiers. There are also several barricades that are blocking off the path to zone one because they know that's where they're going to make their like last stand to try to stop you from going home. So there you straight up see like mothership drop ships hovering over this giant barricade. You see turrets, mothership enforcers, mothership soldiers,
Starting point is 01:01:05 jailbreakers, that area is like heavily, heavily, heavily armed. Do we remember where Elma went to buy this? The airship? Yeah, it was like contested territory. It was like kind of in zone too. Is it crazy to say we come back home in style? We can't get through that barrier. We could get over it.
Starting point is 01:01:26 Yeah. You're thinking, as you say that, you hear your mic come online and you hear Spector go now that's an interesting idea. Thank you so much, Specta. You're welcome. I think I'm sort of street smarts, you know. Doesn't always come across. No, I agree.
Starting point is 01:01:49 I think you all have. I think Krangar gives us wisdom, Specta. I don't, who is Krangar? Right? So there was a lot of noise and just everybody got kind of religious at the end. It is a diverse pantheon. Okay. That rules this lamb.
Starting point is 01:02:03 It's sort of like a goddess celebration. if you think about it, because, like, I associate cranberries and cigars with celebrating. Festive holidays. Yeah. Right. Okay. The god of festivity. The god of making a holiday out of the mundane.
Starting point is 01:02:16 Okay. That's a really nice way to think about it. And let's just leave it at that. And let's talk about the sort of... I love God, Specta, don't you? Sure. Yeah. It's great.
Starting point is 01:02:28 Okay. Cran God says every day's a holiday. Great. Yeah. So Slug. That's an interesting idea. that you have. And from the video that we were able to see from Young Blunder, it did look like there was an actual airship there. That is what fired at Elmer. So I don't know that it's going,
Starting point is 01:02:49 I mean, it certainly was the shape of an airship. It had the weapons that an airship had on it. I don't know that it's in complete working order. But if you guys have a few hours where you're going to be resting up, I could try to make my way there and sneak there and see if, see if it's functional. Between you and Ox, I think you could fix anything. I think I could get it up and running, especially with some help from some of the people around here. I'm not the only person here. Ox. Do you think you could a hotwire ship? I've seen you hotwire some interesting cars. I think if Spector gets it up and running, then with Kranagh's guidance, I think I can pilot at home. Yeah, and even without Krangar's guidance. Do you guys think we should start having...
Starting point is 01:03:28 With or without, but mostly with Kranegas guidance. We should probably have Bible study and cigars at the arcade every Wednesday. And Krangar is in the Bible? Also says Krangar, yeah. Well, that's who's right in it. Okay. It's a Bible that you smoke. If you ever smoke, it's a Bible.
Starting point is 01:03:44 Okay, so I'm going to go ahead and take a few people with me. We're going to get working on the airship. I'll bet, even if it's not entirely functional. It's probably functional enough. If it can't fly, it can probably jump. Hell yeah. I like the jump. All right.
Starting point is 01:03:59 That sounds like a plan. And then I kind of want to, uh, so is it like Dawn? Yeah. Can we see any stars left in the sky? Anything clinging? Uh, yeah. Any of the brightest ones still clinging? Yeah, you look up, go ahead and give me, say you could do religion or insight check, and this has nothing to do with Krangar. Yeah, it has nothing to do with Krangar. He doesn't have dominion over everything, obviously. Nat 20. Oh, my God. Kringa! You sure? It's not Krangar.
Starting point is 01:04:32 Swirf just died inside. No, it's not, it's not Cran Gar. Not 20, but I'm looking for any bright stars. I'm not even doing this for any strategic reason. I kind of just like, I want something to put my heart into. I want something that's like, hey, boy, someday we're going to go there. Okay, yeah. Or like, I don't know, because we were talking about, like, what if Elma was just,
Starting point is 01:04:56 became a constellation? Yeah. So I'm looking for Elmer, stars, or the afterlife, but I got in that 20. Yeah. So you look out, the sun is just like peeking up. So there's almost like this like purplish glow to the sky. You refer to James has like a little like star chart here and not just a star chart, but also to like the outer planes of existence. And besides this interest in religion that you guys have just taken, you guys probably don't have that that much education in this. But you guys, I think do know that. a lot of times when people die on the material plane, their souls can manifest on outer planes. So like from the astroplane into one of the planar pools will take you to like another dimension, like another world. So he's really out there then? And you look out and you see sapphire blue planar pool.
Starting point is 01:05:59 You see like an emerald green one. and from here they almost just look like stars, like glittering stars. You see a like sort of rust covered one, an indigo one, a jet black one. But then you hover over one that looks like a shining diamond in the sky, like diamond blue. It's got this light blue color and this overwhelming shine, this brilliance. And as you do, you hear in your mic static, almost like someone is trying to reach out to you. We got to get closer. I pass the telescope around the, I think he's out there still.
Starting point is 01:06:52 That's, I think it's Elmer. That's his wink. That's him, it's wink. That glittering star. That's the wink he would do when he let you get away with something. He knew he shouldn't. Okay, I think I'm going to point at that little star chart and say, Adam, will you take a picture of this? Because I think I found my map.
Starting point is 01:07:12 Yes, let me see if I have anything I can cross-reference it with. Adam, you take a picture of this star chart. You see that diamond blue planar pool leads to a plane called Mechanus that is basically, like an entire plane of like clock work technology. Mechanus. Do you think he's there? Mechanus. Where else would he
Starting point is 01:07:41 go? We got to find them because he's supposed to still be here. He was the one who wanted this airship. We got to show up and say, Elmo, we got the airship that you wanted for us. We got to show him. Can we take an airship to Mechanis? Will it fly that eye? I think we might have
Starting point is 01:07:57 to make some modifications, but we can sure as hell try. We'll jump there if we have Yeah, we got to figure out how. Let's load up the whole arcade and let's go. We need to get this tech we have as far away from here as possible anyway. This is where we're headed. This is where we'll be safe. We'll find him there.
Starting point is 01:08:13 Oh, yeah, maybe we take it to Mechanis. Yeah. Wow, a whole arcade on a ship and we show up and we say, Elmo, we found out what was done to you, and we put them in their place. And we're going back so you get your revenge? That sounds like a good thing. You wanted to get us an air ship, but we got you an inch. ship, huh?
Starting point is 01:08:32 Yeah. We've got to find an army that can rival a mother ship and maybe it's out there waiting for us. Yeah. And I'll say as you're looking out there, Slug, and as Adam says this, you do find on the chart
Starting point is 01:08:44 there is the floating city of Gladeholm in the astral plain. And you can see like a far off battalion of like this humanoid army that like rights, wrongs in the galaxy. So there is also this like far off city that is in the astral plane that might even have more information on a place like Mechanus or like the outer planes, which are even further away.
Starting point is 01:09:15 So we could go there. Yeah. Maybe we can receive messages there too. Yeah. And also if they're right and wrongs, I bet the second we get ourselves in front of them and we say what's been going on here, they'll put an end to this. Right? Oh yeah.
Starting point is 01:09:28 This was a wrong. It was a major wrong. Yeah. Yeah. What they've done here. They've messed with something beautiful. Okay, well, now we've got a whole new reason to get home. And with that, you guys spend a little more time looking out at the stars until the sun finally comes up.
Starting point is 01:09:47 And the day of your attempted escape back to Zone 1 has finally come. And that's where we'll end our session. Oh, baby. Well, stars are in our grass. A new purpose. Oh, my God. Diplomatic mission to Gladeholm, we're going to be terrible at that. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 01:10:08 They're not sitting their best. They definitely aren't. Get us in front of some diplomats. Some elven diplomats. All right, that freaking rocks. I'm so glad. I'm so glad you guys explored that. That's so fun.
Starting point is 01:10:24 Yeah, thank God for that Nat 20. Holy shit. Yeah, Nat 20 on a telescope in the name of Krangar. Oh, come on. Crangar's glowing imber of a cigar leading us towards Mechanus That's the only way to explain it Does anyone have anything they'd?
Starting point is 01:10:39 Oh actually first things first Go to patreon.com slash Nadpod That's any DDPUD. Don't sing yet. Wee. To listen to the after show, the short rest. Yeah. Does anyone have anything they like to plug?
Starting point is 01:10:49 Hey, I go ahead and say it again. Listen to Fantastic Castle. It's an all-ages D&D show I've been working on with my wife and some of our friends from Disney some animators I used to work with. They're 30 minute episodes, perfect with the whole family, so go check it out.
Starting point is 01:11:02 Fantasticcastle.com. Fantastic. Oh, yeah. Fantastic Castle. Fantastic Castle. Fantastic Castle. You can follow us on social media that were mirrorment at use at Tse First Media at Coldice Caldwell, at the experts, Emily, and at Jake Kerwitz is Jake.
Starting point is 01:11:13 And you can talk about the show online using hashtag Nadpod. That's NADD-D-P-O-D. We are, we are. It's the end of the show, my friends. And you know what that means? It's time to shout out our benevolent council of elders. Starting with Brad Dee, Jeffrey S. Lord of the Fjord. Later, Mick Skater, Cutter W., Olivia A., Daniel the Tastly Tame, Carpe, Liam, Victor T. Belnor's boy.
Starting point is 01:11:53 He's a friend, his fortune. Justin I, Danny Danster, T.J.M. Hayley the Cray Faye. Dr. O'hee, now you have to say it. Jordan L. Cyborg version of Josh the Cobald. Gandarf de Grape. Stevie Wags.
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Starting point is 01:12:53 Big Ben, Burdo the Mad. Nova. Percival, Frederick Stein, von Musa, Lozowski, De Rola the Third. J. Dragonborn, Guardian of the Vibe. honoring the cock. Ben A. Dave H. Dustin S. Not that Nick. Denny F. H. H.keye Pierce. Big Bad John. D.PC is awesome. Shown, the shade tree mechanic of Selbaldar. Summer Rose Grand Hair. Misa of House and Zunza. Ariel the occasional mermaid. Selina and Valaci Raptor. B. Perky. Always. Lauren H. serve 16. Annie the Faywild therapist. Parogi Frenzy.
Starting point is 01:13:43 Jack M. Bioquart 7. Bean rat was innocent. Trubb hop dropper. Jack H. King of the mole people under Iron Deep, dressed in blue and fighting his way through a bracket style, a tournament. Vailen, Paj, the bitch and bunny bard. Druidic Peyton. Carlin C. Omri M. Noah. James G. Ilksi Archfay of Dreams. Everything Bego. The Eladrona just wants to hang out with his pet badger, Stripey. Han. Markos, Ph.D. eventually. learns the balanced druid. Frida M. Maggie. Holly, the green laughing hyena. Russell H. Cody C. The completionist elder finally Re-employed, hooray, congrats.
Starting point is 01:14:40 Lorelai the succubi and Kira the succulent snack. Ellen S. James F. Wayfair, page 69, kept the trolls, who then unionized to turn the flower shop into a co-op. Went to Fayella, it was awesome. Oreo, city name, Barpo Good Burrell, Barbarian, Charlie Brown's best friend, Renee, the monster, Lévi-Aar the enchanting bard and Jared the soap opera cleric who are expecting their first young in soon.
Starting point is 01:15:15 Blue Ash, Fico, J, K-Guard, fairies in a summer slew hanging out with the two crew. Cantrip Dumbledore, the bear onesie wearing barbarian, Lexi H, MJ the BFG, Roger L, no drag, the pass-off fest barbarian. Jay Zudrick's unofficial fifth crow. Goosetoes. Shananagan's O'Connor. Joshua S. Alexander. Lin's W.
Starting point is 01:15:48 Sky, the eldest coffee master of Bohumia, who is kicking the goat men out of the cafe for ritual sacrificing their scones. The spudfucker himself, Johnny D.K., the mischief of Nat Pot's familiars. Pavu Escanar, the Goliath Paladin, providing service. with a smile. Jakewell, Murphaly, Tim M., Dragon Knight 86, Richard Scrongle, the main event, TR, MLG, Cheeto, Shelby Kenna's first favorite Sprite girl teaching Bowie, her hit song, if you want to be my patron to perform at Emily's B-Day Jamboreen.
Starting point is 01:16:31 Tired Jet. How did you know the vampire got me into put play? Eleanor V. Dormy 52, Mee-Maw Sky Days, fuck you love you, Ideret. Megan N. Anthony B. B. Balnor's best friend, Steve. Benjamin A. Dodeca DM. Sacrificial otaku bringing otaku culture to a fantasy realm near you. S. Tier, Crickwater, and Joy, or Ethan the mailman, Maple, the shy bookworm. Nick A.J. Ashesaurus. Billy Batson.
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Starting point is 01:17:34 Cam, the Frogborg. Jake W. Hi Mom. Tuesday Cross. Only here for the surf and mirth. Smores. Tyler M. Zibitabackery. G.G. says, Palestine hurrah. And snake release. Kaylee of the oaken ore. Katarina C. Jena C. Carly C. Rachel Dyson. Anamorphs. How can you keep doing this to Jake? K.C.J. Papa's litigation associate. Greg W. Go listen to short rest. It's Bon Frere behavior. Baruch, Thunderhelm, Fifth Generation Minotaur, working as an abandoned labyrinth tour guide. Capi B. of the schooner Louis R. French. Richard E. Jen's left glove tailor. Cadudeau at the gates of a fantastic castle. The Waterworth, your four-legged Greg companion.
Starting point is 01:18:34 Nick. Mo Pensacola's premier dungeon daddy slash docent. The raging ranger echo Ashmore. B. Laura Laura. Chef Julie B. Sam M. Mama Mayhem. 4.0.4. E. Almost Dr. Katz. Hirsch. Lorelei. Matty N. Oscar the Salad Tsar. Tomas C. Little Dark Lotus Creations. Kendra A. Miller, James the polymorphed boot, Joshua H, Jacob M., Lou H, Ben V, Prince Slagathor, the third, Elida, the eldest elder in Eldamon, toxic ghost, Daniel M, Chris A, Angie, H, shy sign 23, I'm just Sam, Anthony H, Anthony H, Anthony Jarvis, proprietor, of the Crix, lazy river float and tour, Cage B, Alexandra, Trash Weaver of the Leaf and Hunger, Maureen, Emporium, and finally, Pam S. Thank you all so much for your support. We love you,
Starting point is 01:19:51 we couldn't do it without you. Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-good-bye, my sweetest of sweeties. That was a headgum podcast. Welcome to a magical place where Dice are rolled and stories are told. Welcome. To the Fantastic Castle. Hi there, I'm Caldwell. You might know me from Nadpod, but now I am teaming up with my friends Kiana, Raj, and Bree. Hi, everybody. Hello, everyone. For an all-new take on Dungeons and Dragons cooperative storytelling shows, and this one is for the whole family. Fantastic Castle has all the excitement of D&D without the cussing and filthy jokes that make most
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