Not Another D&D Podcast - Gangs of Neo Galaderon - Ep. 7: The Blackfire Carnival

Episode Date: May 29, 2026

The Kill Screens infiltrate a gang of sick, twisted clowns. Atom gets into it with some carnival barkers, Aux tries animal handling, and Slug attempts a smash and grab. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music / Sound Effects Include: "Neo Galaderon" by Emily Axford."Atom" by Emily Axford."Aux" by Emily Axford."Cyberskitch" by Emily Axford."Slug" by Emily Axford."Spooky Shafts" by Emily Axford"The Arcade" by Emily Axford"The Murderer's Mask" by Emily Axford"A Friend for Life" by Emily Axford"Balnor's Bad Dream" by Emily Axford"I Need to Know You're Taken Care Of" by Emily Axford"The Prodigal Sister" by Emily AxfordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Welcome back to Bahumia, everybody. Bahamia. I'm your dungeon master Brian Murphy, joined by Jake Hurwitz. Woodland creature who wants to beat you,

Ox Okina. Yeah. If a fox just came up to me in the woods and talked like that and said, I'm a woodland creature. And I'm going to kick your ass. It's like Mark Wahlberg. I think I wouldn't even stick around to find out what it wanted. I think as soon as it yelled at me, I would run.

I would definitely be like, I'm on drugs. This is cool. I don't even remember taking them. I think I'd buy it a Walburger. Yeah. I guess if it was less aggressive, when it said it wanted to beat me, I think that's when I would run. They was just like, hey, how are you? Yeah.

Check out my brother's hamburger shop. If he was confirmed of one of the Walbergs, I don't know that I would stick around. A magical curse. Fell me. Yeah, that would make me run. If Mark Wauver just was a fox, we need to help. Regardless, I would set $10 down and then run. Yeah, that makes sense.

All right. And then, of course, we got Emily Axford. Doeby dame on a runaway train. I'm slug slap there. Yes. Boeby dame. And of course, we've got Caldwell Tanner. Friends, we're the fox and a cyberskitt star.

This bot fucked a car. Afto. That all? Was that always going to be a Sautum? That almost had a monster mash feel to it. Well, it's the Donkey Kong Country 64. Oh, that's what he is. That's um, rum is here.

I see. There's layers to it. There's layers to what Caldwell brings the podcast. I prefer it as Monster Bash. Layer one, it's Donkey Kong. Layer two. He did something from the last episode. Two layers.

The minimum of layers. Hey, that's still a pretty tasty cake. Layer number three is that for those who want, it's a monster mash reference. Okay, I've fucked a car. Because someone say that, yeah, the DK rap is sort of the modern monster mash. Because it is introducing a lot of characters and it has kind of a party atmosphere too. I think Frankenstein's monster could fuck a car.

Yeah, for sure. Right? Easily. He's electrified, you know? Oh, that makes sense. And our cars are now, too. More layers. Even more layers.

All right, let's go ahead and do a little recap. So last time, you out ran an excavator with your drill car to the abandoned subway station in Zone 5. A slug managed to grapple the wrecking ball, and Adam put the driver to sleep, causing them to crash and flip over. This allowed ox to

drill into the tunnels and escape the mob. As you made your way towards Zone 4, Spector warned you that there were Black Fire Carnival Goons waiting for you at the next station, but suggested you find your old friend Eddie and hide out at his place. Suddenly, Spector saw something approaching

you on your radar, and after a establishing that it was not Adam's penis. You were attacked by a runaway train piloted by Young Blunder. It made the recap. Why are we insisting on saying penis? You guys kept saying penis, yeah. He has a robot penis. Well, it's a dongle, really.

Yeah. Right, more of a dongle. Adam jumped aboard and showed Blunder a vision of his disapproving mom, while Ox and Slug hopped on and did battle with the Hammer and Circus goons. Just as more gang members were about to arrive, drill revealed himself and detached the back cars as he and his allies did battle with young blunders lackeys. You braved fallings to agitites, magnetic hammers, optic blasts, firepokers, and young blunders, extremely unstable tech as the train barreled toward zone four. During the fight, Blunder showed security

footage of five shadowy figures jumping Elmer in a warehouse, then said he'd collect the bounty on kill screens without splitting at this time. Adam deduced that he was one of the members of the Underground Ironworks Coalition, the Shell Company, paid by mothership, but Blunder wouldn't reveal the other members. After an Adam crit and a jet dash from Slug got Young Blunder to death's door, Spector warned you that the runaway train was about to crash into Zone 4 station. You managed to finish off Young Blunder, then jumped through a hole in the train just as it crashed, managing to escape amongst the chaos.

And that's where we are now. So, you are fleeing the explosions of this fire. subway station and entering the throng of people in Zone 4. As you do, let me remind you of the gang that controls this area. The Blackfire Carnival of the Trade District, aka Zone 4. These harlequins from hell are made up of incubi, succubi, and the admirers who frequent their clubs. They thrive on sex, drugs, and manipulation. Their foot soldiers are the sensual goatmen, dark clowns, and sick twisted acrobats.

Adam, you're going to be able to keep your dongle in your pants? I don't have ears, but I need you to shove wax in every port. It's going to be a tough zone for Adam, to be honest. Guys, I'm really going through it right now. I can just sense it in the air. The pheromones are thick. Yeah, there's like a cynical robot sex, like, element to this zone, but for Adam, that is just sex.

So for him, for him, this is just normal and good. Adam, I don't mean to be rude, but like, of the tree of us, you got your rocks off most recently. It's true. Like twice most recently. You fucked a car like 20 minutes ago. It was so recently. You could have joined in if you wanted.

All you had to do was ask. I bought a line did. He was driving the car. All right. So unlike Zone 5, which was pretty dead until it became the purge, zone 4 is full of people. This is a packed entertainment district

neon light, CD clubs and bars with people spilling out. There are screens everywhere. A lot of them are showing your pictures, the wanted posters that where you're wanted dead, just dead. Wait, how's the money? Is it upticking? It doesn't need to uptick. It's 1 million credits each plus 3 million for the tech.

So 6 million credits total. Yeah, that's a lot. In addition to your pictures, you also see lots of Blackfire ads for the Blackfire Carnival for different clubs and stuff. You see dancing images of Pietro and Carly Quinn. They are the incubus and succubus who run the gang and the clubs. They're all leathered out with white and black body paint, long hair. They dance seductively doing like lots of body rolls in tandem.

And they just keep whispering as it's being pumped into the speakers. Sex, dream, spend. Okay. Wow. They know what they're doing. I think slug has to come clean. and say, I never told you guys this, but I lost an entire weekend to falling in love with an AI stripper.

No way. Which one? Cherry Ruby Jubilee. Cherry Ruby Jubilee. Did she live here? Well, she was piloted by a dude who was eating, who was drinking Fago, I see, a piloter. Luckily, three days in, she glitched out, and I saw her dude piloted. or realized there was all an illusion.

I was just being manipulated, but I'm still working off the credit god debt. Right. She cleaned you out. Yeah. So keep me away from, what did I say? Cherry Ruby Jubilee. What did I say?

Cherry Ruby Jubilee. In character asking what you just said. Honestly, on character for a lot. Yeah, that makes sense. So how are you guys hiding out to blend into the crowd here? So this is, like I said, unlike Zone 5, which was like pretty dead. people were home from work. It was like dark out.

A few people at the tavern. And then this call went up and everybody came out. This place was already fucking packed. So you can blend in amongst the crowd here, but if you just look like yourselves, you are going to be mauled. Okay. Let's get into some sexy gear.

Yes. I have these disguise kits I've been carrying around. I could attempt to cover us in makeup and wax paint and grease and leathers. Could you make me look like really dye? I'm trying to think of the opposite of myself. Oh, just hose you down. Shy and thaw.

You make me a leather daddy and a slug I can put you on a leash or something. Yeah, okay. Yeah, that's good. I'd never do that. That's perfect. I just happen to have a leash right here. I get to my hands and knees. It's kind of cool, like a little fox.

It's a little fox walking. A huge woman. It's leather daddy. And I'm wearing a French maid out of me. It looks like something you'd see out of the corner of your eye and the shining. Hans is wearing a fully leather zipper hood over his face. And I'm going to take my mohawk and I'm going to plaster it forward to be an emo bang. Okay, great.

I guess go ahead and give me deception checks then. We'll do a group one. Okay. Or I guess if you guys would rather, you guys can have Adam do it if he's the one kind of like applying everyone with the costumes. Can we give Adam a help action? I would say you can give Adam a help action. Okay, yeah. I'll do that.

I turn my face into a mirror so they can see what I'm doing. Okay, great. I can't see anything through this leather, but I'm sure it looks good. Nat, Twil. Whoa! Okay. Adam has a gift for this. I don't know if it's the sexual charge in the air that he gets for all these robots that he can have sex with.

Alicia and a demon. You feel inspired. Your dongle's coming out. I think you guys also put on costumes that are covering your faces and whatnot. You guys also have mics. so you guys can stand apart a little bit, so it's not the three of you hanging out together.

Oh, but what if I'm on a leash, though? That's awesome. It could be one of those retractable ones. It's got a really long lease. So you're just constantly hitting people and getting them hooked. Adam transforms into a condom vending machine with legs. Whoa.

Awesome. Really useful. I fall for it. Sweet, yeah, a bunch of people come up and buy condoms off you. You don't actually make money off of that. But you guys can run. roll for credits from all of the dudes you took out before. Oh, yeah.

You collected some cash for sure. Go ahead and roll me 4D4, and we will multiply that by 100. Okay, I'll roll one of those. I'll roll one. I'll roll one. I got a two. That's a one. I got a two.

And a four. So nine total. So you guys got 900 credits. Ooh, that puts us at 5,000. Wow. Okay. All right. So you guys with a Nat 20, I will say you do see black.

Fire Carnival gang members looking around. Leather-clad goons with hologram discs with like your images flashing and they're like looking person to person trying to find you. But there are other people that are just going into the clubs and stuff. Amongst the gang members, you do see goat people and saters. A lot of them have died to their fur black. They were possibly former members of the Red Trip. Yeah.

Go ahead and give me perception checks. Nat 20. Whoa. 10. 21. Okay. You guys see on the video billboards, there's footage of you guys leaving Zone 5.

So it comes to reason you're probably in Zone 4. So there are a lot of people looking at that. The live updates are killing us. I pointed to the screen and say, sucks to be that guy and not me, Dr. Rubber, the walking vending machine. Yeah, man. You see this extremely tatted out dude.

He's got on his neck, Joker's Wild. Adam, give him a condom. And black and white face, that's fucking hilarious, man. What flavor do you want, dude? Strawberry. Strawberry studs coming right up. All right.

Great. Yeah. So you, you like, print him out a condom, but instead of being like, strawberry jelly and bean, strawberry flavored, it's like strawberry jam lub. That's, wow, it's really gunky.

That's right. Have fun. Be safe. Pulls out like a little wet wipe from you and then takes off. You see there are Blackfire Carnival gang members barking for people to come into the virtual clubs. You see people dancing with VR goggles in these dingy bars. There are guys out selling vape pens, various vials of drugs and elixirs. You can purchase potions here at two times their normal price. Sure.

Of course. You can buy tech as well. There are heavily augmented people. A lot of them have masks. or helms on, probably to hide their identities. You hear modulated voices, yelling out about their wares. You also see holograms of people dancing in windows. They seem to change kind of based on your personal tastes.

Slug, you look. Is it Nancy Spert? Nancy Spert? I didn't even consider that. Or her other crush. Nancy Sperth, the newswoman, yeah. So you see at first just sort of generic goth dancer in the, window, makes eye contact with you, then changes to cherry ruby jubilee and starts doing body rolls

and then winks and becomes Nancy Spurge. Okay, since Slug is on her hands and knees doing a French maid but also a dog fetish, I think she starts like, I think she emotes like a dog. She just starts, howling, quit humping the glass. Hamping the glass, itching her ear with her leg. Adam, I think she's in heat. She's gone full. Tex-Avery.

And Adam, you've got a big crush on Big Rick, the giant cowboy from mothership cigarettes. Holy shit. You see the cowboy appears in one of the windows leading back and taking a drag. Howdy, partner? How about a roll in the hay? Adam just spits tons of wet naps out of your mouth. But with an above 20 for Adam and with a Nat 20 for Ox, every once in a while, amongst all of this stuff where they're just selling these, like, fantasies and whatnot,

you do see that there is some graffiti on some different places. A lot of it's been, like, cleaned off. But you see people tagging stuff with the red trip. And one time you even see a tag that says Eddie lives. Eddie lives. Oh, wow. Okay, I'm going to sniff at the air and see if I can smell any fresh spray paint to try to find if there's anyone who's been doing this. Yeah, go ahead and give me a perception check.

19. There you go. Or I could look for someone who has like spray paint on their fingers or their shoes or clothing. Yeah. Can I help by this by using detect thoughts? Yeah. Okay, so here's what I'll say. Oh, that's such a more direct room.

Adam, why do I try? I go back to being a dog. A lot of it is kind of tough to parse out because it's covered in different layers. And if this stuff was super obvious, you think the Blackfire Carnival would have poo-pooed it. But you guys clock this. You start walking over nearby as almost kind of like bait for a detect thoughts to be like, does this bring up anything emotional in anybody? And there are a few goat men have, like, dyed their hair black.

They look like they're part of the Blackfire Carnival. They're kind of, like, laughing and joking around and drinking on the street here. But one of them clocks the Eddie Lives thing, and you get the detect thoughts of like, damn, things were better back then. Those were the days. Like, that kind of deal. Got him. Okay.

Really what we need to be doing is finding Eddie, right? Yes. Yeah, we got to get to Eddie. But it doesn't sound like this goat man knows. It sounds like he's nostalgic and we don't need nostalgia. We need answers. Maybe he could point us in the right direction, though, if we paid him some of our new money. You guys do know where Eddie lives.

Oh, we do. Okay. But you guys also see, there are carnival games where you can win tech. You see a ring toss with all these rusty old bottles, neon rings that look almost like bracelets. 100 credits for five rings. You roll with disadvantage on a range weapon attack And you're trying to hit a 25 Oh my God

It's like we're back at the arcade There's also an edgy take on the milk bottle toss With beer bottles You see three beer bottles On top of a rounded stand You have to hit all three and knock them off the platform With a ball 50 credits per throw

You have to get a 20 on a ranged weapon attack Then do 11 damage with 2D4 plus your decks I like beer And then there's also a giant wheel It's on fire and all the numbers are glowing. There's a sexy clown and a corset spinning it. 50 credits per spot, roll 1D-40. If it hits your spot, you win.

And you can win weapon upgrades plus one to like your attack rating. You can also win different tech. Okay, we got to play some games. We got a Nat 20 on our disguise. We got time to game. Right. Eddie's not going anywhere. Oh, God, I love the game. These games are rudimentary and honestly a little crass, but I'll allow it.

Yeah, they're super crass. You see the guy at the beer bottle toss one, just has a neon sign next to him that says ass, and he goes like, we do things a little differently around here. Come on. This is not family friendly at all. Yeah, you're damn right. It's not family friendly. Cover your eyes, Adam.

Just hawks a lugi, and then it points to another neon sign that says, fuck. Oh, my God, not even an asterisk. You see, he's just looking at cards against humanity cards. That's a funny one. Come on. Play some banana grams. You want to know what I said? What did you say?

What did I bring to the Thanksgiving Day parade? Card two, dildo. It's so irreverent. Slug laughs. That's so funny. Thanks. It's just apples to apples, but with an extra layer of rudeness, it's unnecessary. Why didn't I think of that?

It's pretty funny, right? Yeah, because you bring in dildo. That's really good. Why isn't there some ski ball or some classics? Come on. Hey, this guy sucks. There are a bunch of feats. We can get into them a little bit more if you guys win something or more interested in buying them.

But these are from a grim hollow. I thought these were some cool ones. There's Throne Weapon Master, lets you kind of like boomerang stuff back and get more throwing attacks. Nimble physique adds to your decks, makes you slippery, harder to catch. Lightning Caster. You can do like some dual spells. Iron gut makes you like immune to poison,

ups your constitution, you're quick to recover. There's something called Flurry that can make you do extra attacks if you have advantage. And Bloodhound, which might actually make sense for Slug in her current state. You have advantage on wisdom, perception checks that rely on sound or smell. And you have like a motion sensor where you could tell if somebody's sneaking up on you. If somebody's within 10 feet and makes movement, you know about it. Okay.

Well, I am a French bulldog, so... And will we have to slot these out, or would these be extra? You would need to slot these out, but there's another thing for sale. If you win a game twice, you can get another slot. Oh, my God. Oh, that's what I want. They have these machines that have, like, braces that can attach to your wrist. They have, like, neck pieces that insert in your collarbone.

They have, like, headphone-like covers that plug your actual ears, and you fit another chip in there. Slots. Slots. Slots. Okay, yeah, I want slots. We're slotting up. We're slotting it up here. It's not as fun, but you can just buy everything as well.

Why don't we try to win it? If we can't win and we try to buy it. Which game are you guys looking to play? So there's the milk carton, aka beer bottle toss. Again, we do things a little differently here. Jesus Christ. And then, of course, there's the...

I love it. Then there's the... Yes, please. Yeah, that's the milk bottle toss. It's inappropriate. Then the ring tossy flashes. When have I given to the impression? I have good pace. They all are weirdly Thanksgiving Day Parade and Dildo maze.

Hey, check this one out. What float would you have at the Thanksgiving Day parade? It's also a floating dildo. It's a giant dildo. And then, so there's wheel, there's the ring toss, and there's the beer bottle toss. This one is the cleanest and most gamified. I'm going for the wheel of fire. Okay.

Great. How many Greta's do you have? want to put down. So it's 50 credits per spot. Slugs, you won most of these credits for us. How many can I use? As many as you want. What's mine is yours. Oh, thank you. That's a good bulldog. I give a treat. I piss. Oh, come on.

Hey, watch it. Slug, my boot. Slug is deep undercover now and I'm having a hard time breathing. I don't know what it is about French bulldogs that makes it hard for them to breathe. All I know is that they do have a heart done breathing. Adam, she's, Adam, she's wheezing. I don't know.

She's trying to get her to stand up. Don't take her on an airplane. All right. Step right up. What numbers you want? Okay, I'll do five numbers. So, 250 credits. 250 credits.

What numbers specifically, asshole? Oh, my God. Help me out here, which numbers? You get it? Be irreverence. You get it? I cursed. Sir.

You fucking guy. You are a professional. You're a professional. You are representing. The Black Fire Carnival here. How could you speak like this to me? What numbers you want? He's being mean to you.

It's fun. Adam, uh, resist the urge to say 69 because, you know, that's just inappropriate. It's also not one of the numbers. Oh, it's 40 right. You can do that if you want. I'll take the free money. No, don't know it. We could do, oh, we could do six and nine.

Okay. So two of our numbers are six, nine. Nine. Oh. What was Elmer's favorite number? 33. Yeah, 33. 33.

6.9. 33. 21. What are the greats? Yeah. 6, 9, 33 and 21. And then one more. You can be one more.

Yeah, one more. You got five, right? 29, 29. 29. I really like 29. All right. Step right up. Step right up.

Any last bets? Spins the wheel. 31. No. Takes your 250 credits. Oh, okay. Thank you so much. Okay, okay.

Assholes. I want to try this milk. You're an asshole. You're an asshole. All right. That's good. That's a good ribbing. Okay, you guys go back to the milk bottle toss.

You see the guy still is looking at his cards. Okay. Got a new one. Hey, I want to try to do this. Oh, let's hear it. Yeah. Okay. What did I look at while I was driving to the Thanksgiving Day parade?

Oh, a locket of a dildo. Ah! Turns around. It just says giant dildo. though. He's got the dildo expansion bag. It's the dildo pile. So is that different types of dildos?

That is the Thanksgiving that's around the Thanksgiving Day parade. Does it come with two cards? No, man. Haven't you fucking heard anything that just happened? There's the drive to the Thanksgiving Day parade. There's a float at the Thanksgiving Day parade. And there's what I bring to the Thanksgiving Day parade. But the answer, though, keeps being the same.

Right. Okay. So the way, okay, so sorry. if you guys are familiar with it. It's actually cards against humanoidy-di. All right? Humanoidity, yeah, yeah. Okay, so there's a dildo pile.

There's a pile that says huge dildo. And then there's a pile, but they all say huge dildo. Every card says huge dildo. Okay, and then there's another pile. I'm feeling like you got fleeced on the expansion. And there's another pile that says something about the Thanksgiving Day parade. Okay. One of the balloons got away at Thanksgiving Day parade.

You want to know which one it was? That's a huge dildo. Elts. Ox cracks up. Now I'm starting to get it. Yeah, it's great. This one says JFK assassination. Why?

I mean, it's a parade. Hey, man. All right. Was it on Thanksgiving? Yeah, for sure, no. Okay, so I kind of want to step up to do this. I'm feeling lucky with a milk bottle. 50 credits.

Okay. All right, so go ahead and do a range weapon attack. You see Slug gets a ball. You've got these beer bottles here. You've got to get a 20 to hit them. And then you've got to do 11 damage with 2D4 plus your decks to knock them all off. Can I attack recklessly? You cannot attack recklessly because that's not really going to help you here.

All right. I mean, it would help me a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I see what you say. There's no way to get advantage in these games. I don't get it. Okay. How off are you?

I got 13. Okay. You hit a couple bottles, but it bangs off the side, shakes his cards, lose. Hey, watch out. Take another whack. What do we got to lose? Yeah, take another whack. You're so close.

I think at this point we save money by just buying it. No, no, I want to... What's the fun in that? I think you should go for it. What's the fun in that? Can I go to that third game? The one with the range attack?

The ring toss, yeah. The ring toss, yeah. Okay, so you go over to the ring toss. You get a bucket of five neon rings for 100 credits. Oh, amazing. Yeah. All right. on a ranged weapon attack, and you're trying to hit a 25.

I get to do it five times. You get to do it five times. It's all with disadvantage. Oh, that's better than I thought. Yeah, all right. Ring number one. Yeah, super easy. Yeah, super easy.

That's, um, that's an 11 with disadvantage. That was close. That was close. Do another one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that was good. I'm trying to feel like the carnival games are for the carnival.

No, you're good. Not. Hey, it's for everybody. Everybody's having fun, right? Can you call me an asshole? No, that's not really my thing Over here at the ring toss? What's your thing?

I just like the level with people. Oh. But, okay. And on the level, you think I got a good chance with these four more rings? Can I be honest with you? Yeah, I would hope so. The odds are stacked for the carnival, man.

This is what I'm saying, guys. I feel bad, guys. There's no skill involved. I didn't want to do this. What did you want to do instead? I wanted to be a pilot. You wanted to be a pilot? I lazily toss a ring.

That's a 19 with disadvantage. I know it's just, it's impossible, guys. I know it's really hard. It's so hard with the disadvantage. But you still have tree. I think you still have a tree. Yeah. What's the point?

That's, yeah, that's, all right, that's a 14. I got to be honest. I get, I get dozens of people here. Every day. You got two more. You got two more. You got two more. I believe.

I just don't see it happen. Have you ever seen it happen? I have. That's, wait, that's it. That's 20. A 20? It's not good. You need a 25.

Oh, wait, what? I thought it was doing it. I thought it was doing. It goes around the edge. No, you're going to need to get like $2.19. 25. That's insane. Dude, it's, hey, man, can I level with you? That's absurd.

This is rock. Okay. I actually think. You've already leveled with me. This is a success. Do your final one because I actually want to do this next. Actually, I want to try. This one's the most fun one. So we all get to spend a hundred.

I can't. In good conscience. No. Shut the fuck up, sir. That's so fucking close. With disadvantage. I got a 23. Okay.

This sucks ass. That's good. You're the closest I've seen come today. Can I level with you? No. No, I actually want you to stop because it's just bothering me. You are going to win an airship.

I don't want to be leveled with it anymore. We are going to help your airship. Two, 200 credits for both of you. Okay. Yeah. We can do it at the same time. Right.

Because we all know how to say. Disadvantage. Do you want to go back and forth? Yeah. Yeah. Let's go back and forth. Didn't get it I see it's just not

It's just not fair Just keep finking off the sides of the bottle Disadvantage on it now 25 He almost gets it rolls around the rim And then falls off 26 Whoa holy shit

17 plus 8 25 exactly Wow okay You see Adam As you guys are like All being super cynical One ring

Finally gets around one of the bottles Holy shit. Hey, I take it all back. You get one of the minor prizes. You can get one of the pieces of tech or a weapon upgrade, or you can get another one. You could trade that in for a slot. God damn it.

You guys still have more rings. You both got two more. Let's get it. Okay. Didn't get it. Oh, didn't get it. You're so close. Didn't get it.

And it just feels wrong. Oh, damn it. Okay. It's messed up. You guys can trade for one of the feats if you guys would like, or you guys can keep playing. Or play a different game. You guys essentially have a credit for like a small prize. The large prize is an extra slot.

Okay. I think I'm just going to go by. I don't even think it's cynical. I think it's cynical to dangle false hope. We won. And we're absolutely right. So like we're going out on the W, you know, that's, that was great. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, Adam had that win. Yes. Adam. I think you guys only spent a little bit more than what you would have spent buying it. That was a filthy win. It felt disgusting. What is your name, sir? Dernick.

Dernick, you have to get out of here. You are too honorable. Darnik, Dernick, you got more honor than this. You know what, Dernick, I actually think it's good to have you here because a place like this needs a voice or reason. Hey, thanks. And you shine the light on the way we were being manipulated. Hey, thanks.

helped me to walk away. You know, back when Eddie was running this place, it felt like there was a lot more on a. Yeah. Go ahead and roll me a luck check on a one through a 10 people nearby hurt you. Somebody heard. It's a 19. Okay.

You're good. We're one in a game. You guys, this guy shrugs and goes, can I level with you, man? Always. I've only been here for like a year or two, so I don't really know who that is. Where would you go if you were a pilot? The sky, man. Do you got a map of the world?

Right here, points to his head. Okay. Wow. Yeah. That's cool. It doesn't help other people see it, but that's cool. All right, well, we're going to go crash it on Minor Prize. Hell yeah.

Hell yeah, man. Dornick, you're wasted here. If you ever want a job at Killscreen, a fair and just arcade where all the games make sense look us up. That's interesting. I've always thought about, you know, I've always been like pilot or maybe just like cooler

games. It's been like the other thing I've thought about. We got a flight simulator. Yeah, we do have we had a flight simulator. Guys, go ahead and sisters threw up in it a lot. You see Dernick looks at you guys.

Oh shit. Yeah, we're talking too much. Looks up at the screen. and goes, kill screens? Everybody going real niche. You see a bunch of the nearby Blackfire Carnival goons start like grabbing knives and stuff and get ready to pounce. I was going to buy a healing potion, guys. We had a chance to get an extra slot.

We aren't even going to be able to cash in. Let's just steal a slot and run. Can we steal a slot and run? Yes. It is possible. You'll have to do that on your turn. Okay. Okay. All right, here's what I'm going to say. I've got basically, I did not expect you guys to just say that you were kill screens out in the middle of the fair. What we're going to do is new random encounter at every initiative 20. So it's going to start with a certain number of guys and then it's going to spread as the word spreads. We're too damn friendly. What's wrong with us? We got to be more cynical. It was a good nature that did us in. Dornick won me over. Okay. So, yeah, he seemed won over and super legit until he saw that he saw that he. he could win six million credits off of you guys.

Yeah, that makes sense. Honestly, Darnick, I get it. Can I level it with you guys? You don't even... What I really want is six million credits. It pulls out a gun and goes to shoot you in the head. Yeah, that makes so much sense. So I'm gonna roll...

I get it. D6 for a random encounter. You see two fire eaters. So you see two dudes, leather clad in all black, black and white face paint. Finish swallowing a bunch of fire and then go to spray it out into the fucking. and crowd at you guys.

And then there's also a robotic lion. You see like a weird exoskeleton. And it's just like glitching. So it looks like it might be hard to hit. Sort of a reflavored displacer beast. And it's got like this whipping tail cord. jumps through the crowd and knocks a bunch of people down and goes to whip at you guys. Let me know your initiatives.

Okay. I got a 12. 12. One and a two. So that's going to be a seven. Are we just running the fuck out of here? Yeah. I think we are.

I think we're trying to scoop what we can from behind the counter and get out of it. It's a smashing grab. It's a smashing grab. It's a smashing grab. It wasn't supposed to be. Right. These games were unfair. We wanted to play fair.

We wanted. We did. Did we do a, yeah, we didn't do a short rest up since we got off that train, right? Nope. I'm at six. Okay. So fucking dumb. He's not dumb.

We were well-intentioned. You guys are absolutely well-intentioned. You guys were like trying to save someone. that he tries to kill you. Murph, do you want me to just, you want me to just roll a new character now? Maybe. All right. At initiative 22 is the lion who just jumps.

Oh, what? Oh, and I look like a tasty little fox dog. Why would he be on your side? Because he's an animal like me. I look like a French bulldog. We have an attack dog. OX goes to one knee and says, my king. I'll say because you guys have such low HP,

I don't want to cheese this in any way, so guys give me luck checks and just see who he pounces on. Okay. Oh, my God. Penn. 18. Ox got a seven. Okay.

Ox, what's your HP? Six. Okay. Jumps up, does a rend attack just goes to bite at you. 18 to hit? That hits, but I'm going to just in time press the shield on my cyber deck. Nice. And it ripples with energy.

Shield goes up. The lion bounces off of it, but then is going to make a tail cord attack and whips at you with a tail cord. And that's only a 13 to hit. So you dodge the second one. The second one, you just like completely jump over. Everyone starts to yell by, they're here, they're here. Kill screams. We were being nice.

Okay. On the Blackfire Carnival has like a call sign. They do sort of a laugh. That's a hay. They go like, yep, jump, yay! And they start yelling. yup, yupp, hey at each other. Oh, they're coming.

To, like, kind of signal to each other. Wow. You guys act next. So here's what I will say. Yeah. It is going to take, it will take an action to, like, attempt to grab some of the tech behind the. I can do that. Behind the carnival booth.

I personally can do that. Okay. Because I can dash as a bonus action. I'll say ox or slug, you guys had the same initiative. So you can switch it. If Slug, you'd rather act first, you can make the. grab. Yeah, yeah. But I'm worried about you. Okay, no. You know, I'll make the grab. I'm going to try and grab some extra slots for me and my boys. And then I'm on a bonus action dash. Okay.

Here's what we'll say. Dernick here is one of the fire eaters that was trying to kill you. So as soon as you guys said that, he just eats a bunch. I said he pulled out a gun. Instead, he just eats a bunch of fire and goes to breathe it at you. You go to dive over the booth to grab some of the tech. I'll say that there's like a collar piece that goes into your chest that you can put another chip. You've been eyeing it, so I'll say you know where it is. You go to grab it. I'll say do a

contested athletics check against this guy. And he can do sleight of hands. So he has pretty good with this. That is a doity 20. Doity 20 beats his night. Oh! So you reach over, you grab this collar and then it is your turn. And then

So that's my action to do that Yeah And then bonus action dash We're dashing right Let's do yeah let's dash Okay bonus action dash Okay He is going to

He does get a An opportunity attack He will have disadvantage Because of my speedy feet Okay sweet You turn on your You've got like little boosters

On the back of your roller blades But he still might hit That is a dirty 20 to hit Hits Okay 10 damage 10 slats I take it off because I'm not in a rage, but my adrenaline rush did give me three-tenth HP, so. Slashes you in the back.

Shup, shup! Hey! They're here! Slug takes off into the crowd. After Slug's turn, Ox, that's you. Okay. I'm going to go full-on dash and say, see ya, asshole. And just jet after slug.

I'll also use a bonus action second wind to get a tiny little bit of each of each of you back. Are you going to disengage? or are you going to dash? Because the lion is on you. Yeah, I don't think I can get hit by this thing, so I'm just going to disengage. Okay, great. And I'll roll my second wind as well.

Okay, so Ox takes a second wind, sort of like stabs himself with like a stim pack as he runs off into the crowd rolling away from the lion. Eight more HP. OX is looking good. He limps away slowly. Adam, believe it or not, you actually rolled better than the fire eaters

that have not gotten to go yet. So number seven, that is Adam. Okay, I'm going to try and use my detention orb on Dernick. Okay, great. Does this still feel bad for him? Hey, man, again, can I just level with you? I need the credits. I need to kill you, yeah, sorry.

Is this really how you want to get to the sky? It's the only way I see. It's the system that pits us against each other. I get it. No, I get it. It's not Dernick's fault. Listen, Dernick, this game is rigged too, and that's not fair. The game of life is rigged.

Yeah. It's too bad. But like in pinball, I'm giving you an extra shot. All right. So he's going to make a DC-13 Constitution Saving throw. These acrobats and stuff don't have great con. That one gets caught up in the bubble. So is frozen there, is not going to be able to move.

Okay, so that's my action. And then I got a six on my gadget. So I need my grappling hook to just shoot away. All right, so you're going to use bonus action, almost like a misty step with the grappling hook to take you 30 feet ahead. Yeah. Okay. So you guys are completely. away from this fire eater right now.

So you guys get away from the initial crew of people. Here's what I'll say. We're safe. I'm going to do another encounter check to see who's around you now. Okay. Two, two clowns. So you see two tough looking dudes with switchblades and

cards against humanoidy bladed cards. And Jared Letto Joker vibes for sure. And they've got different neck tattoos. One guy has a neck tattoo that says wreck and the other one has a tattoo that says angel but it's upside down. Oh man. I don't want to be sliced to death by a dildo cod.

So I'm going to say go ahead and give me, you guys can do any kind of check that you want if you can explain it. If it's like athletics to push through the crowd or whatever, but I'm going to say this is going to be with disadvantage. My only thing would be it. My speedy means that when I dash, it doesn't count as difficult terrain. Okay. So could I use that ability to kind of...

So the fact that you're like going through people quickly, you can use athletics, essentially. I want to start bounding on all fours like a fox and go under carnival tables. Okay, sick. So I will allow you to do that to get stealth. So you're basically like going under people's feet, the first few rounds of people see you

and are kind of taking swings at you. But eventually you just become a weird little guy that's in the crowd that no one knows what the fuck's happening. Or they don't even notice you. Right. Adam, what are you doing? I'm going to grab the hologram of Big Rick and start making out with it in the corner

so it just looks like a guy who's like, you know, like, getting sloppy. Sure, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, okay, so you just look like somebody that's like enjoying the holograms here. Just go with it. Great. So you're doing a like deception check then? Yeah.

So deception, athletics, and stealth as you guys all try to disappear into the crowd here. I am elbowing my way through. And I'm going to go into a rage also. Okay, so then that gets advantage. so that'll make this flat. Oh, we have to make this with disadvantage. Correct.

Unless you guys have a way to get yourselves advantage. I'm out of all of my stuff. 10. Okay. Shout out to the two crew. Not one. Not one, okay. I can't use my 18, but it is a, it's a 14.

We know, so Adam's getting caught no matter what, basically. The question is if they can go after other people. OX, you manage to dash away and are gone for now. A fox tail disappears into a big bucket of popcorn. Yeah. So you go off and hide to the side. You know where to meet up later. You guys know where Eddie lives.

So you like can go there. Yeah, maybe on comes. We just say, take care of yourselves, meet at Eddie's. But then one clown, find slug, catches up to slug. Not so fast. Fast is all I know. Yeah, me too. Except pain.

Okay. So you know, two things. Miss all I know. Cool. Well, you see, now you're multifacitated. I just got one thing I'm good at. Oh, wah! Just makes it.

Shit, I can't compete with that. First thing's first. I was going to do a switchblade attack. That's a 14 to hit. Misses. Okay, next one. Metal tipped cards against human minority card. Nat 20.

Oh. Okay. That's not great. Okay. Oh no, it was the Christmas blood plug pack. It's going to be 14 slashing damage. Half the seven. I'm still good.

Okay. And then is going... By good, I mean 10 HP. That's bad. And then he's going to use his last attack to use his sick and twisted mind. Coming to my fucking mind house. Throws like a weird orb at you.

What? Wait, sorry. You make it a 10. intelligent saving throw. What? That'd prefer he tried to hit me. I hate that I find this sexy. Eleven.

Oh, no. Eleven fails. They got o-ups. You take 12 psychic damage. Oh, fuck. I would be down, but once per long rest, I get relentless endurance. If I'm reduced to zero HP, I drop to one H.P. Oh, my God.

There you fucking go. You can't handle my fucking wide way. I take a wave of it. psychic damage and I'm like, it's worse than fire. But as my head cracks against the pavement, I say, come on, slugs, you better than this. And I pop back up. Hell yeah. You can't die.

You have to explain this fire thing. You keep running. Other clown pulls out a switchblade and goes after Adam. That's only a 14 to hit. Misses. Get a room, man. Excuse me. We're on a date.

You're, shut up. Okay, metal-tipped card against humanoid card. You'll never guess what's on this. Still don't. Hits with a 24. It's just not funny. That does hit. Okay.

That is just five slashing damage. Okay. And then he's going to use a sick, twisted mind coming to my mind. And throws an orb at you. Give me an intelligent saving throw. Adam just puts his hands in the air like, what do you do with this? intelligent saving Yeah

Damn I wish I had my Maverick spirit But I'm out of risk points 15 You're all good Your mind is too sick and twisted It's already sick I think about what I want to do To Big Rick

It just blocks it blocks it out That's right I'm proud of you Adam had to be don'tcels out again Got a light All right That is moving down In initiative order

OX that is your turn So this carnival has really, this like marketplace here has really gone to shit. Things are crazy. People are screaming. They're attacking each other. Fires are going up. And you see your friends have kind of like disappeared into the crowd. Okay.

You are right now not being pursued. Okay. Yeah. I think just for just for safekeeping, I'm going to cast a blur on myself. Okay. Sick. Magnetic like force field almost rolls over. all of my armor.

Wow. And I just start, like, blinking in and out. Sweet. You have multiple tails now, like a magical Kitsune. Wow. So you cast that on yourself. You disappear on the crowd. Start heading towards eddies.

After Ox's turn, that is Slug's turn. Slug, you're at one HP here. Yeah. Whatever I got to do to crawl away like a cockroach. Yeah. Okay. Go ahead and give me whatever kind of check you want to make again to try to disappear into the crowd.

Same thing, like shoving through people. Yeah, I'll go into another rage. All right. 22. 22. Okay, we'll do a encounter check for the next area. Same thing as the first time, two fire eaters and another fucking lion. So the lion will try to sniff you out first.

Does not get a 22. And then one roll for the two fire eaters. They get a doity 20, but that's not good enough. So slug, you are able to run off and disappear into the crowd. Adam, that is your turn. Right, ho. Okay, so I'm just trying to do a skill check to get out of here, right? Yeah.

Okay. Unless you want to fight everyone. Hmm. I don't recommend it. Fight us, bad. Would that impress you, Big Rick? Yeah. Wait, I'm not Big Rick.

Or do you sound like that. Oh, no. It's the guy controlling Big Rick. There's always a dude behind it. Manipulating you. You just got Cherry Ruby Jubilee. Cherry Ruby Jubilee is just a dude with a joystick. I fell for the cherry.

It's so tasty, but the pit is so hard. I'm going to try and use dexterity to, like, barrel through, like, a kitchen and just, like, run through a restaurant and escape that way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You go into, like, one of these dingy bars. A bunch of people are just smoking and wearing VR goggles. What? I take their, like, elaborate cocktails, and I toss them back at me as I'm running. Hell yeah.

The clowns are chasing you through the store. as you go to smash through a window to get out the back. So that'll be a dexterity. Yeah, I'll do acrobatics. You can do almost like a save if you want, like, proficiency plus decks. Oh, my God. I've got, this is like my third Nat, 20, but it's with disadvantage. That's a fucking four.

So that's going to be four plus eight, 12. Okay. All right. You see, as you break through the window, there's a blade juggler, a fire eater and another clown. Yup, yep. Hey! Throw up peace signs, but then just start getting ready to throw switchblades. Wait, you can't go from peace signs to switchblade.

What do you understand? Symbols have meaning. If you strip them of it, what are we doing? Two, nine. Peace stands for two knives. It doesn't mean peace. Peace, piece of flesh, dude. Peace of flesh.

Unfortunately, it's buttoned up. Any other day, we would be rolling in the hay, you guys. Guys just don't get my sick and twisted mind. Reddy's an orb. Okay, these guys are going to make checks. They're trying to beat a 12. Yeah. Okay, so clown does not see you.

Nice. Fire Eater does not see you. Woo. Blade juggler does see you. Yuck, yuck! Starts spinning and we'll get an initiative and chases after you. It's honestly impressive you're doing all of this on a unicycle. Hey, thanks, man.

He's going to take three knife attacks. throws knives like If he misses you he's going to hit someone else It's also dangerous Not good Oh shit I should have taken a greater healing potion on my turn Could we have done that as a bonus action Or is we kind of using all one?

You can do it as a bonus action if you'd like Yeah could I have done that Yes I'll allow you to have done that Okay awesome So you're smashed through a window out the back Of a place You're chugging a potion as one dude is throwing knives at you Okay three quick throws

Two miss just hit the clown. Fuck. But one hits with like a natural 19, so like a 26 to hit. Six damage. Six damage. Six piercing damage. Okay. I'm at 2 HP, but I'm going to take a potion.

44 plus 4. 44 plus 4. Okay, we're down to one greater healing potion. So I was at 2 HP, but with the greater healing potion, I get back up to 12 HP. Okay. All right. Almost as hardy as me. That is your turn again.

How do you want to get through the crowd? So I'm going to use stealth. I'm just going to jump into a dumpster next to a bunch of old electronics and disguise myself. I'm going to use minor illusion to make a hologram of some little bits of metal leading in a trail down the alley. Okay, sick. In that case, I will let you roll flat.

Nice. Let's roll stealth check flat. And we'll see who's in the area looking out for you. That's 27. Whoa. Okay, there are two aerialists and a clown. Shit, they got birds'-eye views. Yeah, two guys.

on really long poles that are almost using them like pogo sticks but also like hanging upside down on them and stuff. And then one more clown flashing a switchblade and cards against humanoidy cards. But they physically are not able to find you as you jump into a dumpster, wait for the heat to die down. And eventually you hear things go down to a normal level of debauchery. Like people are still getting attacked and whatnot, but they no longer have your trail exactly. I can't believe Big Rick saw me like this. It wasn't him. That's what I learned from Cherry Ruby Jubilee.

Okay? You're right. You're right. It's not real. It's what you want to be real. And that's how they manipulate you. The cherry is so sweet. Okay.

I'm just going to hop on the comms and say, I'm in a really bad way. I need a long rest. Yeah. Oh, all right. Like, I'm out of hit die. I'm out of, we have one greater healing potion. I can use that now, but it's either we all do it separately. We link up, do it.

I don't know what Eddie's going to do. No, I'm fucked. Let's try to sleep at Eddie's. You think we can sneak to Eddie's? Spectre. Do you hear? Yeah. Did you hear all that?

Yeah, I tried just not weigh in. Yeah, I know. Things are going, things are going great. We won a carnival game. Yeah. You want a carnival game? What'd you win from it? Oh, actually, I got this extra slot.

Okay, great. Yeah. Sure and square as anything is. I won it same as I always win the claw machine, which is brute force. Yeah. For me, mostly, I just saw a lot of explosions and just bodies flying and knives and whatnot. I had nothing to do with that, Spectre. And some of those clowns had orbs, it looked like.

Right. Yeah, they had sick, twisted minds. Yeah. Spector, I died. Really? Yeah, died. Did you see anything? No.

So maybe I didn't die. I just went down to zero HP and then I popped back up. And so here I am. But I got to tell you, my resources are depleted. Do you think that we can sleep at Eddie's? Or do we need to try and sleep someone before we go there? Yes, Bexter, things are going great, but I'm scared. Right.

Yeah. Things are going awesome. We're having an awesome time. I can't wait to reunite. But right now, I need us. Okay. So I think we're going to be. I think without a doubt, Eddie will let you crash at his place.

Okay. He might honestly be so out of it that you could probably sleep there without him even knowing. I think there's no way he attacks you or anything, so you don't have to worry about that. Yeah, so let's go sleep day and try to talk to him in the morning. Yeah, yeah, let's try to find whatever room he's not virtual reality in. Right, we'll just sneak right in. Sweet. So you guys exit the main entertainment district.

You guys are all separated. So Slug, you've just kind of like run ahead. So maybe you kind of get there first. Adam, you have to wait a long time in this dumpster. I think I'm spitting up blood that's so thick that you're like, is there a little bit of organ in there. Oh my God. I show up just draped across Rova. Yeah.

Yeah, you guys are all so fucking banged up. Adam finally meets up with you guys after like waiting it out until like you didn't hear dudes out vaping outside of your dumpster. I'm covered in banana flavored vapes. Yeah. Oh, my least favorite. You guys are out of this main entertainment district and you get to a residential area with nice houses perched on a cliff. It's very Hollywood hills. They're hanging kind of precariously.

You recognize one of the houses. Nice two-story floor to ceiling windows with a great view of the entertainment district. You see there are lanterns up along the outside, but there are no lights on inside it looks like. And it looks like the curtains are down. Very unlike Eddie. Last time you guys were here, it was a mess. but there were people like coming and going. It was loud, party.

Eddie always had guests, but it's kind of weirdly quiet, but everybody give me perception checks. Not like him to be a recluse. Yeah, you used to be like... 30, 20. Another net one. 14. Okay, Adam, you're just absolutely too fucked up.

Okay, so you see lights in the house are off. Blinds are down. And there is a gate up, and you do see that there are people here patrolling. notably they're not like goat people or saters probably wouldn't be people that were previously part of the red trip probably trying to separate Eddie from like his former friends they appear to be human members of the Blackfire Carnival vaping and patrolling you see there are three Blackfire acrobats one's juggling knives one's doing aerial moves on top of a giant pole and the other one is swallowing fire and then there's also a clown looks like a mix of the crow and Jared Letto's joke or same kind of deal as all the other ones. Yeah. Just looking at a card against humanoidy card and laughing.

Do these guys ever turn it off? You get the sense they don't. God. You have to respect it on a level. If I could have that kind of energy without constantly chugging energy drinks, you know? I get it. I could only last about six hours on a charge these days.

You do see they are drinking energy drinks. Oh, what are they drinking? Oh. Cotton candy, fagel? Yeah, it's a new energy drink, Faygo. Oh, no. It's F-E-G-O. It's F-E-Y.

F-E-Y. That's what I was going to say. F-E-Y-G-G-O. Yeah. Yeah, and it's got a picture of like a rad elf snowboarding on it. Oh, shit. I want to try that. It's so bad, but I haven't got around the drive.

It's awesome. I can't believe I was able to get this. Oh, shit. Let's see if he puts it down. Wow. Sherbert orgasm flavor. Yeah. It tastes like fucking Sherbert and gum.

I thought it would maybe make you feel tingly or something, but no. No, it's the taste is the orgasm. It's not the experience of drinking. Guys, maybe we could offload our arcane on these guys to get them out of the way. But how do we do it? Because right now, although maybe we do have good disguises, it was just saying that we were from kill screen that really undid us. That's true.

Or maybe we could attach it to Rover and they could chase after him. Hey, you take Rova out of this, all right? I'm sorry. He's a sensitive robot. He doesn't want to fight. Only if you're up to it, rober. So here's what I will say. You guys haven't engaged with any of these guys.

They don't look particularly beefy. The clown is beefier than the other ones. Again, Jared Leto Joker. Pretty jacked. Sinuey and kind of strong, maybe. We don't know. But the acrobats don't look particularly beefy. But you know they do like okay damage.

You'd have to really get the jump on them. I don't want to. You don't want to. I have one. You can also just try to sneak by them. You don't necessarily have to engage. Let's just sneak by them. Okay, you want to take a potion just in case?

It's our last potion. Where are we going to get another one? Maybe we could ask Eddie for some more. Yeah. Spector, do you think Eddie has potions on him? I think Eddie probably doesn't have potions, but maybe he would, that's a simple enough thing you could ask him to go do for you, hopefully, to go get him potions.

Okay. Maybe we save the arcane to try and get Eddie. Go get us potions. It's good to have in our back pocket. I'll take it then. Take it. All right. We need you in fighting shapes, lungs.

Yeah, so we try to sneak past, but just in case we can't, we've got to try to kill these guys before they kill us. Thirteen, I can make that last. Okay. Slug, uh, drink some juice, stops coughing up her organs. Okay, now it's just not. I am, I am in a rage, though, still. Okay, great.

Last 10 minutes. All right, let's try, let's try and sneak by. Unless you guys, Do you get, I mean, I have 14 hit points now. If you guys want to fight, I can fight. I actually am good now. I mean, I'm fine to not get killed. Okay, okay.

Let's try to sneak. Yeah, we can always fight if it comes to it. I'm feeling so much better now I want to fight. I say, I know, I'd say we sneak, then we lie, then we fight. Okay, sneak lie fight. Sneak lie fight. Usually the opposite version. So this is kind of fun and different.

Great. Okay. Go ahead and give me stealth checks. This one will be a group. 26. Not 20. Wow. Okay.

22. Everybody above 20, you guys are fucking silent. So everybody like gets their head back in the game. Just being like we cannot fucking fuck this topic. I turn rover on Do Not Disturb mode. I do think I stealth though by doing fighting gestures. Because now I have 14 HP I just want to fight again. So you guys see that these guys are kind of distracted by their own little,

you know, singular juggling acts and whatnot. So you see they, as they sort of separate, you see the pace in which they are moving around the property. You guys are able to jump some hedges, climb some rocks. You wait a while, and then you're basically able to, like, climb up onto the deck and sneak in through, like, a sliding glass door. You know, it's kind of telling, right?

Because this is the gang that runs this joint, and they do all the virtual reality. But what are they doing? They're not doing virtual reality. The juggling. It's true. Everyone's busy looking at their damn cards. I know.

Oh, okay, that's their virtual reality. The cards are virtual. All right, yeah. Okay, never mind. Take it back. Oh, they all have little holograms on them? Yeah, yeah, they all have little holograms. Okay, okay.

So I thought it was like, oh, they're getting everyone else hooked, but they know not to use it. But no. Right. As you guys go into this house, you slide this door open. You hear Spector go. I'm going to go quiet for a little bit. I don't really want to see Eddie. Yeah.

So you can just alert me. when you need me next. Of course. Feel free to listen, though. You got to, you know, feel free. Shh. Okay. Whatever feels good for you.

Yeah. Just make sure the hampsons aren't eating on the Pac-Man table again. You hear her creak back as if she's leaning back in her chair looking at a window. And she goes like, okay, I need to go handle something. I'll be back. Yeah, they do like sort of like a cold stone creamery, but for pasta. So they like throw on a spaghetti machine. Trow all the spaghetti and then troll all the fixings.

Jesus Christ. Does it Tuesdays? It's sloppy spaghetti night. It's sloppy spaghetti Tuesdays. When I say sloppy, you say spaghetti, sloppy spaghetti, sloppy spaghetti, sloppy spaghetti, sloppy spaghetti.

When I say sloppy, you say spaghetti, sloppy spaghetti, sloppy spaghetti. They're beautiful. Girls, we have a kitchen. Specta, don't forget to tip them. Yeah, when she said I got something to take care of it, it's because she had an empty bowl. I have to fill it up.

I have to pay them to eat. You just got a tip. Spaghetti off the Pac-Man table? Yeah, because you pay it for the service, and I'm mixing it together. You can't mix it together. it out well yourself. It's for a good cause, unfortunately.

If you ever tried to make cold stone creamer at home, you can't. Okay. Because you don't have a cold stone. And this is a hot Pac-Man. Spaghetti. Okay, so you guys open the door to Eddie's house, and it is eerily quiet. The lights are off. Everybody give me perception checks.

16. 21. Okay. Ooh, 14. All right. You guys see a small kitchenette. That looks like mostly untouched. You see a bathroom next to a closed door and then a living room.

The living room has several mini-friges, and there are bottles and garbage everywhere. I'll sleep here. Most of it is for mothership fuel gruel. It is a meal replacement shake, cartons, and cartons of this. There are dozens of TVs, but they're all off right now. and on the couch you see the body of your old friend Eddie. This once boisterous guy with big arms and a big belly so full of life is sallow-skinned and haggard. His once bright red hair is matted and patchy with bits of gray.

Drul is dripping out of the side of his mouth. He's wearing VR goggles with electrodes attached to his body and he's twitching. But otherwise, he's showing very little signs of life. You just see his muscles like twitching with the VR goggles. All right. I can't sleep, actually. We got to get him out of here. You think we got to get him out of here now?

Because I was thinking, like, looking at this mothership fuel girl, I'm thinking, like, what if he's not going to notice if we clang a couple pots and pans. What if we made him a home-cooked meal? Maybe it ought to be something that would kind of take him out of that sort of virtual reverie. Sloppy spaghetti night. Let's take a page out of the Sampson's sister's book. We make some pasta? Yeah, can we see if there's anything in the kitchenette that we could throw together or something?

You go into the, this is so nice, yeah, you go into the kitchenette. Spector, what did, what did Eddie like to eat? Yeah, Spector, sorry, sorry. Oh, you don't care. No, you don't care. All right, it's not that I don't care too much. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, you get it. Yeah, yeah, don't involve me in this.

Okay, sorry. I'm going to tidy up a bit while you cook, slugs. Yeah, that's a good idea. Great. But smash burgers are probably fine? Yeah, smash burgers. So, Adam goes around. and starts picking up all the old bottles of mothership fuel gruel.

There's a lot of them. You guys start going through his cabinets, and he really doesn't have much stuff other than, like, instant, like, mothership meals. But something that would keep for a long time, you do see some, like, old, like, dusty old pasta sauce. And you do see some, like, dusty boxes of dry pasta. Okay. Okay, yeah, we can work with this, right? Yeah, all right.

I'll boil the water. You do everything else. Yeah, we can't heat it on a circuit board, but he's got an oven. Yeah, I'll boil the water in the oven. Sorry, bake, I slug, bake the water. Okay, okay. As a robot, this all makes sense to me. Adam, what temperature do you bake water at?

I think it's like 1,000 degrees, right? Okay, cool. I put it to 1,000. You see the metal starts to melt? When should I put the box in? I think now. Okay, Ox puts the entire box into the bull. Adam stirs it with his finger.

Great. I'll say you guys just make it the regular way. Everyone go ahead and give me, what kind of check do you think you guys want to make? You can do like a tanker's tools or you could do a performance check. I had a bunch of different tool sets. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I've got chuelers tools, Mason's tools, Smith's tools, thieves' tools. and tinker's tools. I think ox could make pasta with smithing tools. I got an alchemist kit. Okay.

That I used to make my energy drinks, so I got some spices around. So you know how to boil water. I got some basil. Great. There go? Yeah. Is that truffle?

Yeah. For my mango truffle. Enchalada. Bubble gum mohito. Your favorite. Okay. I'll give it a roll. That is a 24.

Okay. So you guys start making it using this like alchemical kit and you use your little like torch that you would use for like blacksmithing or like any kind of like welding thing that Hawks would have to do. Like a creme brulee. And I've got like a I've got like a soda gun so I can like put the sauce through the soda gun to like really mix it. Hell yeah. And you guys find some spices and stuff like buried deep in Eddie's apartment here. And you guys put together what smells like. pretty good pasta dish. Yeah.

Okay. All right. Do we want to... I'm trying to think, like, how do we want to wake them up, right? Maybe we let him, let him sniff it before we take off the goggles, right? Oh, we see if... Try to bring them back one sense at a time. If a real experience can, like, overdrive the fake experience.

We hold his hand, let him smell a noodle. Yeah, we put the noodles right under his nose. Okay. I can try and encode thoughts. to just send like just the slightest little message to be like dinner time okay all right so you guys walk over he's like passed out on the couch just kind of like twitching and drooling he's got these VR goggles on someone holds his hand he puts spaghetti under his nose and you whispered dinner time into his mind you know also I bet uh I bet since this used to be

more of like a swinging door, anyone who's invited, a party kind of house. I feel like there was probably a song he always played or something like that, that like when everyone's getting together for a potluck or some kind of toast he used to do or some sound from when this used to be a community space. Oh, what about like clinking glasses, noises or something? Yeah, yeah. Maybe you could try to encode that too. Oh, yeah.

I think I can, I don't know exactly. Yeah, I would allow this. But it's a cantrip. So here's what I'll say. He's essentially going to have to do like a wisdom saving throw to like break out of his, uh, trance here. At least like peacefully break out of his trance. Like you could always just take the goggles off and have a scream. I know, but we want it to be his choice.

So I'm going to roll with advantage. He's going to do a wisdom saving throw to kind of like wake up out of this. The very like dangerous thing about this tech and like the advancedness of it is you see like literally different electrodes are reacting. now that he has smelled the spaghetti. So you literally see things near his nose start to like go off. And then at his mouth. So he starts like making like chewing motions

like he thinks he's eating it in this game or this weird world. So he's living in like a completely fake reality. So he's gonna make a wisdom saving throw. And with a natural 18, you see, I was just kind of like laying there and drooling and then just goes like,

oh, oh. And takes the goggles off. You see his eyes completely bloodshot. And he just blinks back several times and goes like, holy fucking shit, dude. Am I being inceptioned right now? No, you just were being inception. We saved you from it.

You had been being inception. Now you're being deception. Yeah. This is called the deception. Deception. You're decepting me. We're unceptioned. You're being unceptioned.

You guys are really. You see, reaches out, touches Ox's shoulder, touches Adam's shoulder, touches Slug's shoulder, sort of like touches your guy's face. It's us. You guys are fucking here, man. This is real. Yeah. We're Elvis brats.

I know who you are, Slug. Yeah. We used to sketch. You look great. Thank you. Yeah. Look at you. Look at you.

Yeah. I'm filling out. And if anything, I wanted to sort of share the gains with you. when I passed the pasta over. Bon Appetit, cousin Eddie. Remember that time that you had a spaghetti party. We all called Drew Spaghetti Eddie. That was fucking hilarious, man.

Wow. Oh, man. You see, he looks at it. I haven't had cooked food in forever. What? Why? It's just, I'm mostly doing the gruel fuel fuel now. Just got it super fast and then you could get right back to like your games and your

porno and stuff. Oh, no. Eddie, I got to show you something. I want to lower my visor that's reflective so he can see what he looks like. Ah, dude, stop. That's not, here's the thing, though, is as soon as I'm back in the sim,

I'll throw some filters on. I can look however I want. Yeah, you can look however you want, but you should be looking how you are. Eddie. Yeah. I've seen this at the arcade before. People will come in,

and they'll spend hours and hours playing one game, trying to escape something. You can't let it be your whole life. Go ahead and give me a persuasion check. That's just a five. Okay. I slap him, you jack up. He just goes like, but the games are so like cool.

Like they're really fun now. Yeah, but you're missing out on real stuff. And also the food, it's not about how you look. It's about how it makes you feel. It just makes you feel better, you know? Like, sure you go into your games and it may be effective. feels cool, but how do you feel when you come out of them, right? Yeah, all right.

Yeah, yeah. You kind of always drop you off a little worse. The cool thing is. Eddie, whether the game is good or not, you should know that the things outside here are bad. We need your help. As soon as you say things out there are bad, he kind of looks for a moment, looking out the window, but the blinds are down. You see, everybody give me, like, insight checks or perception checks. Nat 20. I got a three. So let's hear what Adam hears.

Adam, with a Nat 20, you see, it was very subtle. He was kind of just like rolling his eyes and he goes, you guys sounded like Spector. But Adam, you clock that he looked at the closed door. And you guys remember that was his old room. And it is completely closed off. And you kind of get the sense that he's just been sleeping out here. Like there's just a stain. on the couch where Eddie has been. Eddie, it's kind of got a stale air in here. Do you mind if I open up some windows? Just get some air circulating. It's important to do that. All right.

Yeah, sorry. I mean, where are my manners? You guys, ah, party! Runs over. He used to always, like, he was just, like, a huge guy. So he just, like, go and pick people up. He goes and, like, ah, tries to pick you guys up and just kind of can't. You guys.

Yeah. I weigh, like, I weigh like 12 pounds. Yeah, you guys were, like, 25 last time I saw you. So, you know, now you guys, you guys have gone through your growth spurt, your late 20s and stuff. So, like, it's different now. So I'm opening up the windows and I'm going to open up the door to his room. Oh. Because in the guise of I'm letting, I'm circulating the air.

Okay. As you go to open the door in the room, whoa, you don't got to go in there. You don't got to go in there. That's. Why? What's behind there? I thought that was your room. Yeah.

I mean, I just don't, uh, we got everything we need out here. So. why would we... You're not sleeping in your bed, you know, sleep is so important. You can't get that from virtual reality. Actually, you can't. You kind of can. No, you just, you really can't, though.

Well, no, these, the electrodes like turn off my brain. No, but see, here's the thing. Then you're off-sourcing your biological mechanisms to someone else, and someone else is just going to use that information to manipulate you. Never trust anyone who tells you that they're going to use your brain to do what's right for you. They send me gruel, and then so the gruel is just always like, I don't have to cook anything. It's like right next to the table, so I just grab a fuel. What kind of party is that, Eddie?

You like the party. You party with us. We can. With people. It's always a party, dude. It's always a fucking party, dude, though. But the parties used to be pop-luck. Look at this room.

Does this look like a party? Does it look like a party? That's why you got to wear the fucking goggles, man. This place used to be a party. We used to party in your bedroom. Let us see a water bed. You had a water bed, Eddie. I didn't have a fucking water bed, man.

It was awesome. Things are fucking different now. Why? Why? Why? You've got to open the door. You've got to flush the toilet, Eddie. This is something we learned recently.

The bathroom's not in my fucking bedroom, man. It was metaphoric. Okay, yeah, I don't have a reference point for that. Dude. Eddie, who struck this deal with you? Because, I mean, we were coming in here with love, but you did kind of fuck over a bunch of our friends, and this is your prize?

This, I gesture around everything. This is what you inherit for betraying a bunch of people that you once had potlucks with? Go ahead and give me a persuasion check. Nat 20. It's actually not bad. Party's over already. I'm sorry. I know the virtual reality tells you what you want to hear, but I mean, we're going to tell you what is.

We're going to tell you what you need to hear. just because I'm the only one who fucking saw what was happening for what it was. Doesn't mean I, you see, he has been telling himself these things for a long time. Yeah. He looks down and then he goes like, fine. He walks over, opens the door to his room. You see, it's dark, it's musty, very clear no one's been in here in a long time. You see he goes over, clicks on a light, you see his waterbed.

You see a desk with books and games and letters and journals. Like this guy was full of life at one point. Most notably, there are Polaroids everywhere. All along the walls, pins to the desk, tucked into mirrors on a vanity. You guys see yourselves up there. Old Cyber Skitch competition. Eddie used to be a skitcher, so there's pictures of him. There's even like pictures of him racing slug and stuff.

There are multiple weddings and births and celebrations. See a picture of Eddie with like his arm around Elmer pointing at him like this fucking guy. But the people you see most are Eddie with Spector and two other people. You see a besides Spector, there's a Seder with dark hair. His name was Billy and a goat woman with red brown hair whose name was Tazzy. And they are in almost all of the pictures. together, definitely anything that involved their old gang, the Red Trip. And a lot of the pictures, they're throwing up four fingers because they were the core four.

They're the ones who started the Red Trip together. Two piece signs on one hand. Yeah. But Billy and Tazzy were killed when Mother Ship and Blackfire rolled in. Oh. And so you see Eddie just kind of sits on his waterbed and crosses his arms. And he goes, see, why don't fucking like coming in here anymore? When Blackfire rolled in, they had more weapons, they had more people.

And, you know, we never stood a chance. And Billy and Tassie and Specter, they were, you know, they were all gung-ho. They were saying, this is our home. We got to fight. But, you know, they were my home. And now they're fucking dead. Speck there isn't Yeah, yeah, I know

But she was She's still out there You're treating her like she is And the other one is Actin' Dead She won't say it But she misses you Yeah, and

Look And I And I miss her But You didn't want to try to start it all over You built something beautiful Yeah Crashing down

You didn't want to build it again You wanted a cheat code To have something beautiful again But even you can sniff out that it doesn't feel real. I know that, but it's all, the crew is gone, man. Can I try to reframe it for you? It's CyberSkitch.

Sometimes you have a rebuilding year. Maybe the crew that you knew is gone, but that's because it's time for a rebuilding year. Yeah, sometimes the tires wear down, but we strip them off and we throw on some new wheels and you back out on the road. Yeah. I'm not saying that that's like a. easy answer. I'm just saying that

maybe that's something you could cling to instead of virtual reality so that you stop breaking everyone else's heart too. I wanted to take this deal before any of it went down

when we knew that there was no way we were going to be able to push him out. And now I'm just kind of here. Because you didn't want to go out swinging like the guys did. I didn't want to go,

I didn't want any of us to go out. Listen, Eddie, Elmer wanted the same thing for us. He was trying to get us out. There's no shame in wanting to get out and wanting to

save yourself or those you care about. Did you guys lose, I'm guessing, from the context that Elmer has passed? Yeah, they killed him. They killed him. More than past. There was all conspiracy to kill him.

So you might be thinking, oh, we should have acquiesced from the start. And then we all would have been alive. But no, they would have just sicked people on you to take you out anyways. And you can check yourself out of the game, but it's going to keep, it's going to continue. So if you want, we'll plug you back in and we'll take a rest of you and go back out fighting without you. Yeah, that's fine. If you are finding true happiness, you know, do your thing. But could we use your waterbed?

Yeah, yeah. It's leaking a lot, Eddie. It really is. It's a really slow leak. I haven't been in here. It looks like there's maybe some kind of algae bloom in there. Okay. Do you have any electrical tape?

I think my water bill is insane because it's just like, I just leave it on because there's a hole in it. And there's a lot of water damage in the floor. Are there supposed to be shrimp in there? Yeah, I remember when you do the shrimp boil back in the day. Shrimp suave. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We would all get on the waterbed to heat it up with our bodies to then cook the shrimp. God, those were good times.

Those were good times. And here's the thing, Eddie. God shrimp, but good times. They're going to try and take that away from you too. They'll never be satisfied. Any deal you make will not be enough. Do you feel them in there with all this tech in your brain? Do you feel them kind of changing who you are?

Do you still feel like you got the same spirit you used to? Do you still feel like it's your choice? I mean, I don't really... It's a genuine question. I mean, I'm exactly the same, except I just, like, really don't like stuff anymore, and I feel tired. You can't even lift us up, Eddie.

Yeah, I know. I'm just in this fucking... I know it's bad. I wanted to cut this deal because I wanted to save all of us, and it only ended up, you know, being me. So it's been,

I know it's not real, but it's something. Yeah, no, I mean, honestly, that gives me heart that you know it's not real. That means that it's not as nefarious as I thought it was. So kudos that they let you still detect what's real and what's not. You know, if you let us use this water bed, then you go back to your life.

but if you ever want to do suveed shrimp boil we're still here Spectre's still here there's enough people to warm a waterbed and boil some shrimp yeah all right

yeah you can make a different choice this time okay look I appreciate you guys I really do it's been a minute since I've gotten out a couple you know years I'm not up to

date on stuff, but by the way, I do know what's happening with you guys because I started to see like flashing ads in the VR that were like, leave, go grab these guys for like six million credits. There's ads in there. They're not even paying for premium. What kind of deal did you take? The fun thing about the ads are that like as soon as you see that you're kind of interested, four new ones pop up once you see. The fun thing about the ads, just hear yourself say that sense. The fun thing about the ass.

There's this game. It's called Coins, Coins, Coins, and you go in and it lets you buy coins with a credit card. Oh, my God. That's not a game. That's not a game. Yeah. I fucking forget what games are. You're getting Cherry Jubilee.

Okay. Gabe, yeah, you're getting Cherry Ruby Jubilee. And I've been there and I'm still working off that debt. Okay. I don't know what's been happening sort of outside. in zone four in a while. Let me go around, see if I have any of my old contacts, see if there's somebody that can help get you to zone three.

Or if there's sort of secret way to get through there. That would be awesome. Is there anything you guys need to pick up or anything? Shrimp. Healing potions. Healing shrimp. Healing shrimp. I think that what Slug's going to do is she remembers there was a card game

that they used to play when they would come over here that Eddie loved. So Slug's just going to like take out a deck of cards and be like, yeah, yeah. I don't think we're going to bed just yet. So we might play a little bit of crazy eights, have at it if you want, and then we'll go to bed. You guys sit down. You guys start dealing out cards. You see Eddie goes right, right.

Goes to the door, gets ready to go out, looks down at his like VR setup. looks over at you guys playing cards and then goes, all right, fuck it, I can go out later. Let's play a couple rounds of cards, right? Okay, okay. I'm just saying not going to be any ads, unless these are the holographic cards. Oh, they are.

Hold on. But they're the sexy holographic cards. Okay, they're sexy. So the ads are going to be sexy. Sweet. So you guys get all these sexy ads on your cards. As you guys all gather around, you guys can't turn on any of the big lights or anything

because you don't want to tip off the guys outside. So you guys put like a little electronic lantern down in the middle, kind of like you're camping. And the three of you sit down with your old friend, Eddie, who, like, after a little bit is, like, laughing and, like, slapping you guys on the back. I'm cheating shamelessly. Like, you're not supposed to have that many cards.

You're supposed to have eight. I mean, you need to be crazy. I just think it'd be nostalgic for Eddie if I won. Yeah, just like how you remember it, right, Eddie? And you guys have... Look at the don't. on this card. This nice little moment in the middle of all of this chaos,

and that's where we'll end our session. Oh, man. Just a nice, sweet little moment to end the episode. HALSAMMENT. At one HPE. Yeah. All right, we'll talk about this one over on the Patreon. Patreon.

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