Not Another D&D Podcast - Mixed Bag Classic: Tub Brisket Character Workshop

Episode Date: November 25, 2021

The crew is off for Thanksgiving, so here's a little treat from the Patreon archives!  The 2 Crew rolls on the random NPC table to decide who will be attending Jan & Troy's awkward dinner party! Will they eat the brisket!?! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a Headgun Podcast. Hey everybody, it's Emily here to talk to you about Adam and Eve. Who wants better sex? And who wants to start having better sex immediately? The best way to level up your sex game is to go to Adamaneeve.com right now. Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item, plus free shipping, which includes rush shipping. More than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy.

They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority, plus 100% free shipping with rush processing on your entire order. It doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy, all will be packaged and sent discreetly. So don't wait, better sex is just a click away. That's 50% off one item, free shipping with rush processing. Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to Adamineve.com and select any one item.

It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire. Just enter offer code PAPA at checkout. That's P-A-W-P-A-W at Adamaneeve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to the podcast, so be sure to use the code PAPA to get your discount 100% free shipping and get it fast with brush processing. Code P-A-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, Sweeties. Hey everybody, Merf here. We were originally going to go dark in the main feed this week for the holiday, but decided to post a little something as a treat. This is an old mixed bag that is vaguely Thanksgiving themed because it's about a dinner party. If you've never listened to the short rest, we have a bit

on there about a fictional couple called Jan and Troy who about a dinner party. If you've never listened to the short rest, we have a bit on there about a fictional couple called Jan and Troy who host a dinner party and offer their guests brisket from a bathtub. That's all the context you need. This mixed bag is us building characters for a one shot based on that. It's very silly. I hope you enjoy it. We've also got a big beautiful short rest slash hearth side chat for the finale over on Patreon that we'll be posting soon after this. So please go check that out if you're interested on with the show.

Welcome to Mixed Bag, a holding everybody. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM This month we're gonna be doing something kind of weird. If everyone remembers the classic short. Don't temper their expectations, they can decide if it's weird. It's gonna be fully weird. This is a normal ass normal. Yeah, see this is really normal. This is freaking normal and it's not gonna be funny and it's just a freaking fastball down the middle. Deal with it everyone.

Let's play this one standard. Yeah right. middle, deal with it everyone. Let's play this one standard. Yeah. Right. No goose just right down the middle. This one we are going to be creating characters using the NPC little workshop roller thing in the DM's guide to create characters for Jan and Troy's dinner party. Of course, you'll remember them as the brisket tub couple from short brisket. Short brisket. Any of you don't remember, it's from a short rest.

So just check out one of them. Mm. Just listen to the short rest. They're fun. Right. I also wanted to, I also wanted to shout out, yeah, that'd be so funny if somebody only listened to mixed backs and not the short rest at all.

In which case, go back, I guess. Always in my little joke. I want to shout out first off, somebody made the brisket tub one shot and wrote, it's like six pages, there are maps, there are stats, there are DM notes. What's the beautiful use of your afternoon? Yeah, it was written by Jordan Beaver, so shout out to Jordan. Thank you, Jordan. We'll reach out to Jordan.

Maybe we'll figure out some way to make this available to people. We can just put it on no tears so everyone would have access to it. I think it's probably, it's going to be in in the it's in that new Ravenloft. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. The domain of Jan and Troy. I guess strad actually does a right. That makes sense. We that's actually where we got it. So I don't this is going to be tough with the IP. Because you know, show you something in my bathroom. Oh, Stra, this looks great, man. I thought you just sucked blood,

but you just have so much brisk. Yeah. But, well, yeah, we'll talk to Jordan, and we'll see if maybe we can make this available to everybody if we can. Of course, to everyone, we're not gonna make money off of Jordan's hard work here. And it is hard work.

There is a lot of stuff. I wanted to real quick read. It's dense. It's almost as hard work is making your brisk get in a bathtub. Yeah. That's how you think you level up that work. This is harder work.

I think they're making brisk get in a bathtub. You don't know. I want to do it. No. I can't go through the whole thing. Yeah, you're not considering the cleanup after you make the brisk get in the bathtub. So actually, yeah, that it will work. Whole hog. You have to the whole thing. Well, yeah, you're not considering the cleanup after you make the christian in the bathtub. So actually, yeah, that it will work.

Whole hog, you have to consider whole hog. How dangerous is that to bleach your bathtub after? Maybe any drain O too. It's gonna get clogged. It's gonna get so clogged. You're gonna want to snake that thing. Yeah, absolutely. Just brisk hair hair.

Just brisk hair hair. We ever can't go to the ocean. Absolutely. Just, just brisk hair. Just brisk hair. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. God. We never can't go to the ocean. Just start brisk hair in you and just say that. Disgusting. I just felt like, really confused that that's my marriage. The worst. That's what Jan and Troy sound like talking to the plumber.

The worst country song of all time, brisk hair. Brisk hair. Brisk hair. Brisk hair. Brisk hair. Getting all tangled up on a sweaty summer night. getting hair. Brisk and hair. Brisk and hair. Get knelt. Get knelt.

Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt.

Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt.

Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. Get knelt. seriously about this tub-cured brisket. If ever someone questions the integrity of this culinary technique, roller persuasion check against Jan and Troy's wisdom save. If PC rolls lower, that will be one strike. After three strikes or however many you choose, Jan and Troy's nice act will drop and they will snap. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha They really are three strikes away. Oh, that's really fun. I love that. A snap mechanic, that's so great.

The whole thing's like a murder mystery essentially where you show up in a dinner party, a Janet Troy's, and you try to figure out why they are the way they are. I believe the titles. I don't know. I believe the titles. I believe the titles. I believe the titles.

I believe the titles. I believe the titles. I believe the titles. I believe the titles. I believe the titles. I believe the titles. I believe the titles. Now we know that so we technically can't use that, but I do think that that should be implemented in the Jan and Troy one shot. Yeah, for sure. But anyway, let's, whether or not we ever end up playing a one shot, I think it'll still be funny to make these characters. So who is, there's going to be four characters

at this dinner party other than Jan and Troy. So it's a six total. Six total. Yeah, six top so let's go ahead and make some characters using the NPC roller from the dungeon master's guide. Do you want to see who goes first? I think we'll kind of we'll base it off the NPC's attributes and then we'll kind of decide what their names are or things like that. We'll build it from here. Should we roll first? Yeah, let's see who's character goes first. Okay.

Ooh, 15. 12. 13. 1. 1. Oh, not good. All right, I'm first at 15. So I'm going to roll for my NPCs appearance. All right, so this is a suburban so I'm gonna rule for my NPCs appearance

All right, so this is a suburban where let's figure out where this is We're outside Illinois. It's a hundred miles. Wow West oh outside That's good. Wait outside Illinois. Do you mean? Wait a hundred miles west Outside outside Chicago. I thought you're gonna I'm gonna say Illinois would just be a different day. It's a different day.

Yeah, 100 miles outside Illinois. Might've just stumbled on where it should be, which is like in Nebraska. So it's deep in Ohio, yeah. 100 miles outside of Illinois in Ohio. Okay, cool. You get to choose the cardinal direction of which 100 miles it is, but yes.

Wait, it would be Iowa. I was correct. We're in Des Moines. We're in Des Moines. Yeah. So, you know, city in Iowa, and we've just met Jan and Troy. They've invited us over. There's going to be sub-tub brisket.

I've rolled for my NPC appearance. I got a four. I got four, I got four-mull clean clothes. Oh, that works. That really works. Okay, so it seems like you're maybe you're new in town and you're trying to impress people. Oh, God, I like that.

Oh, really overdressed to the party. Oh, you were a blazer. You are new. Oh, no. You're sure. You talked in. You talked in. Yeah, I talked. Okay, yeah. Maybe it's like you came from the office,

like you were in like a button down, you took the tie off. I think that's definitely, that's what you'd have to say. No, I think that you're pretending you came from the office. Oh no, okay, let's roll maybe more of my attributes and we'll see if I came from the office or if I just really sadly dressed to impress or if I pretended that I came from the office after circling the block

for like an hour because I'm nervous. Okay, so formal clean clothes, I'll roll my high ability, I'll roll D6, that's a five, wisdom. Some very wise, and my low ability is charisma, so I'm dull and boring. Oh, okay, This is having up. Sound of it. Yeah.

Yeah. I think if you're wise, you're not pretending that you came from the office. Yeah. If you're dull and boring, you might have actually come from the office. Yeah. Yeah, I think if you're dull and boring,

you came from the office and you're dressed like you came from the office because you think that that's attractive to other people. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's wearing my blue shirt and my slacks. I think you're proud of the way you look. Like this is like you wore your best to the office because you knew you're going to this dinner party afterwards. Yeah. Yeah. I showed up to the office, well I

don't want to have to change. If I mud as well, if I want to look good for the HR department. I want to look good at the dinner party. And you skipped the dressing on your salad because you were worried about making a mess. You didn't want to. I don't want to get it on my slacks. All right, I'm working on my business slacks. We're gonna roll for D20 for my NPC talent.

That's a five. Great with animals. Oh, that's good. You're a vet. I'm a vet. Great with animals. Oh, that's good. You're a vet. I'm a vet. Holy shit. That's too interesting. That's too much.

No, because you see, no, no, no, no, no, because it could be not charismatic, because you could drone on about like something that is not as interesting. Oh, yeah, dogs will get sick. Yeah, they can't be wrong with lost. He works at a pet store. I don't, like, or I have a ferret that I bring. Wow, that's, that's.

You definitely are something to reaction, right? You're something to do with it now, because you're high with and good with animals. I do think that you are a reptile super show. A reptile super show? A reptile super show? It would be good, yeah, good at animals, but with animals that society has kind of project. Oh, you could be a rat breeder.

Oh, yeah. Rats are actually more intelligent than dogs. Yeah, they're not as cute though. Yeah. Well, that depends. Do you? Do you hear this? It's gonna fucking, okay, already this dude is gonna gobble up the brisket without asking a single question.

He's gonna ask for Tupperware. He doesn't wanna cause he's a vegetarian. I could not roleplay this character into qualms with Tupper's kit. Do you mind if my rat has a little brisket? You brought a rat? Okay, I'm gonna do my mannerisms, Rola D20. That's 11, makes constant jokes or puns.

Oh boy. Oh god, this guy's awful. Just showing off his slacks with a rat. Oh boy. Ah, these are my three pieces of brisket is that a rat trick And it was bad. Yeah, I really don't this guy is fully not he's not figuring out the mystery No, no, no He's there a good time. I think think his rat familiar might be on the trail,

but like this guy is totally oblivious. Oh, okay, okay. This guy can't help because he's stuffed on the brisket. Like, you sat down, had a couple helping. Ah, stuffed, like a taxidermy rat, my favorite animal. Oh, my favorite animal is taxidermy? No, the rat is my favorite. And if they're taxidermed, that's just as well.

Can I also pause it that because he's wearing a full suit, he works on the administrative side of a rat supply company. So they're like, what the fuck is a rat supply company? They're supplying it to fucking snakes to be in. Excuse me. I think reading rats. Until I have no idea.

Definitely a rat supply company. I like it. I like a supply company of being like, like he works at a pet store, so at first you think it's gonna be interesting, but no, he just supplies pet stores. There you go. Well, it's a warehouse, so there's no animals there.

But we, yeah. We were gonna fish a fish food warehouse. A lot of rats. We always could have smelled like fish food. Oh. And you just breed rats on the side. Yeah, I think so. We are not losing the rat breeding.

No, certainly not. Rats are a passion. Right. And all the, the pet food. The pet food is worth. Refish the passion. That's, that's the work. They look like 30 puppies.

But they taste like fish food. Everyone's like, that's so funny. Fish food in my tongue. So desperately trying to like make your life interesting, but like you are just fish, feet of my tongue. Just so desperately trying to make your life interesting, but you are just shutting them down at every turn. No, no, no, no. I'm gonna go ahead and roll a D12 for NPC interaction traits.

That's six. Friendly, okay, so friendly. That's a way of friendly. That's a good idea. That's a good idea. You have to be, if you're trying to move units of fish food, that doesn't sell. That's an upside. A that. You have to be, if you're trying to move units of fish food, that doesn't matter to you. It's a nice thing.

A lot of people just buy like a month supply, but I could get you a couple of years. You know, goldfish will live for a while, so yeah. You never know if you're gonna have a fish. Okay. Sometimes you buy one in the pregnant. I think we're into that fish for years. I think there's a few too many things here. Let's go ahead. I'm going to skip NPC ideals

because there's like six different ones. We know you already know your ideals. Yeah, at this point it's not even, we don't need to fill that in. We'll do bonds and flaws and secrets. So I'll roll the details of my bonds. That's good. That's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You protective of close family members. The rats. The rats. Yeah. Careful around the rat. Yeah, yeah, you protective of close family members

Careful around the rat that rat is my brother And then I'm gonna roll a detour for flaws and secrets Errogance Why You have to be arrogant if you're gonna be a rat. That's right, you have to be very confident. I see that you've trained a dog a little bit basic, isn't it? Is it not? Yeah.

Yeah, okay, this checks out. You're just like, you're very proud of your rat-rearing skills. Yeah. Makes you a little less friendly, so that's gonna be hard. That's gonna be a hard line to toe and that will be your roleplay challenge.

Eric, what and friendly? What tricks does your rat know? Oh, he can eat cheese, he can go around in circles. Uh, he can, it's pretty good. Good. Go outside. I think his center of balance is just off. He only goes in circles.

Well, your rat can do three things that normal rats can do. So you have a train. You choose one round and go outside. I grabbed you. Okay, all right, you stood up. You stood up from the table. So I need to name this dude. So this well-dressed rat trainer who is shown up to the party,

is there a normal name generator? Because there's a fantasy name generator. Yeah, let's just see him appropriate. Let's just look up, I'm just gonna look up boy names. Go to boynames.com. I'll look up suburban name generator, I bet that makes sense. Great, suburban name generator. Suburban dad names.

I got it. Okay, if you've got a random name generator, you get some good ones. Oh, this is some names of some. Okay, I'm thinking Douglas. Yeah. Doug is pretty average. Yeah, I'm Douglas. Emily, what's the name of a suburb? Because it could, that could be Douglas's last name.

I like that. Okay. Sanctuary Gulch. Doug Gulch. Doug Gulch. Doug Gulch. Doug Gulch. I train rats.

Rats are for fun. Fisher for business, everybody. I'll take seconds on the Doug brisket. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I train rats rats are for fun fish are for business everybody Out take seconds on the tub brisket. Thank you very much. Oh

No, I don't eat the fish food rats are for fun fish are for wait. No, fish are for business There's every business or that's a good fun. Okay, uh called call though. You got a 13 right? I got a 12 Oh, you got a 13 you got a 13, right? I got a 12. Oh, you got a 13. You got a 13. Okay, Jake, go ahead and roll the D20. Nine. Nine. Ooh, you've got an unusual eye color. Ooh.

Oh, okay. So you get out of like yellow eyes or something? Or like, what is your contacts? I could also, what about like the dude Wes from Blink, or Limp Bizkit? Remed like the black contacts. He's gonna be like a god. Showing up.

I was gonna say that. I knew someone who did like, sound effects, not sound effects, special effects for like horror movies was really into horror movies and he would just sometimes just wear contacts that made his eyes look spooky. So you could just be like a horror movie. I love it. Yeah. Oh God, that's so creepy.

Do you think fully just black eyes? Yeah. Not even like husky white, just fully black. I guess I'm deciding between husky, like, would I be too goth if I showed up looking like West from Limpus? Yeah. But we have to have weird eyes, like that's my, you have to have to have a trade.

And unusual eye color, so. Now Jake, I know exactly what West from Limbisky looks like, but let's give the audience a second to Google it, if that's okay. I'm Googling it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody just search West Limbisky. Wait, he looks like the Baba Duke.

Only Neck. Yeah, it does look Duke adjacent, yeah. Only 90's,, kids know. Right. Wow. This Doug was gonna be the most uncomfortable person at the party. Well guess what?

This is super goth, dude, shows up. Okay, so showing up. Yeah. I probably play bass in a goth band. Great, okay, I like that. So let's go ahead and roll 2D 6s. First D6 is your high ability. Okay, that's a five.

Wisdom, once again, why is it probably gets a wide screw? Is gonna get along with Doug Gulch. Give me, yeah, I mean, you're gonna love the rest. A low ability. For sure. Oh, hey, little buddy. It's another, it's another five.

Okay, so, I roll again. Here, Wisdom, I like the idea of of you just your eye and your ability is wisdom So it just can't That's what he seems like a too heady like I get all ahead of myself, you know Yeah, I over think sometimes if you if you're talking about like goth music if you're talking about like early 2000s new metal he has some really great insights But if you talk about anything else maybe he doesn't right yeah cool I was like you can play the bass guitar really well, but you can't do anything else

Yeah, let's go ahead and roll D20 for NPC talents. Let's go bass guitar, but you know go ahead roll 15 15 expert cook It's gonna be a problem with the brisket. Yeah, that's really good. That's gonna be a real issue. Are we writing this stuff down by the way? I'm going to be recording these. No, of course not.

What? Okay, cool. Expert cook, what do you think this dude cooks as like a goth bass player in a new metal band? I feel like I just know exactly how long to microwave my food does for. Oh shit. Oh, so you can just like eyeball and be like,

frozen turkey meatballs, that's gonna be a minute and a half. That's it's not. That's my wisdom act. Like yeah, I can fold something out of the freezer and be like, that's gonna need six minutes on power level two. Wow.

Wow, that's a really interesting there. You want two minutes on defrost in one minute on high. Yeah, so you'll know that this brisket was never frozen. Yeah, so I'm out of my depth already, if we're not cooking a microwave. Unless it was, unless there was something frozen in a secret frozen seller, who knows?

So maybe yeah. I'll go ahead and tell. Romeo D20 for NPC mannerisms 10 uses colorful oaths and exclamations I'm just turning into Trent a little bit. Yeah, cuz I was gonna say I'm sorry I was gonna say you could do like the disturbed Just kind of a random times. Do the twisted version of Tread,

not the above version of Tread. Yeah, the body said the floor. Let the body say the floor. You can just do all the black metal voices, just the blue. No! Ha! Ha!

Ha! Going in, Romeo D12 for interaction traits. That is a six. Friendly, you're also, wow, this is, you know, you think goths are gonna be standoffish. Some of the nicest people you'll ever meet. Yeah, once you get over your own shit and you approach me, I'm actually pretty cool

and I'll tell you how to microwave. Once you appear into those jet black eyes that do not have irises, you're gonna see a little bit of yourself in there because they're very reflective. Oh, I see a standover here by the microwave. How are you there? I'm good, I'm just,

you I'm just inspecting this thing. It looks like it's underused. I don't know what they're cooking in, but. It's suspiciously clean. I've never seen such a clean microwave. So let's go ahead and do NPC bonds. Role me a D10. That's a six.

Six drawn to a special place. The microwave. The microwave. The microwave. I'm always outside looking in, but what if I could be inside looking out? He wants to be melting in my microwave. That's pretty well. Well, secret desires to be microwave.

Everyone finds their own oblivion, mind via microwaves. Holy shit, that just made me think of a riff. Don't be doing it. Don't be. Let's do NPC flaws and secrets D12. 10. 10.

Secret crime, warm is D. Oh my God. Oh my God, this PC Richard. You my co-habed someone. I robbed the PC Richard's when I was in college. Like, ooh. It's really funny for it to be like an actual crime. Like you decked someone and ran away.

Were you and like a fast and the furious style like microwave heist? Yo, I love that. Yeah, I was in a highway heist of a semi that was carrying microwaves to a best buy. Yeah, you like your full time job is just like being in his band and like the finances don't quite add up Mm-hmm and one time one of our roadies was like hey, how about we do a job?

Yeah, we're gonna steal some microwaves and all you do is steal some microwaves the insurance totally covered it But you it is haunted you Yeah, you're still not over it. That's cool every time Every time you fire up a trader, Joe's burrito, I used to be an illuminier style band, but after the microwave heist I turned. You had to go, God. What do we think his dude's name is?

OK, I like the system we used before of a normal first name and then a place for the last name. OK, try that again. OK, all right, just like Murph, I'll choose a first name and Emily, do you wanna choose a separate one? Okay, I'm on this guy to suburban Denver, sub division names.

Great, all right, that's where I found Gulch. My name is Lucas. Lucas, okay, great. Okay, Lucas Thunder. Whoa, a stage name for Tuesday. There we go. Luke Thunder, Luke Thunder. That's There we go. Luke Thunder. Luke Thunder.

That's not really cool. That's also, it's like I would play Lucas Thunder in a regular camp. Yeah. Yeah. How do you think Lucas Thunder reacts to the tub brisket? Hmm. Oh man.

I think Lucas Thunder is, he's skeptical because he, most think Lucas Thunder is... He's skeptical, because he, most of his food is store-bought. So he's nervous around any home cook. He's a bit of a foodie with store-bought food. Yeah, I'm a trader Joe's expert. So this throws me off a little bit. Yeah, you're in the frozen aisle 24-7. Yeah, I'm out of my comfort zone right now.

And like, you get even further out with the tub risk. This episode of NADPOT has brought to you by Bird Dogs. They're a company that makes pants and shorts, so no matter where you fall and the age-old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered. Now, we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's gonna be difficult. Luckily Bird Dogs has made the decision of which pants and shorts to buy a little easier. Bird Dogs stretchy khakis are designed to fit slimmer through the thigh and leg to give

you a truly sculpted look. And instead of making their clothes out of restricting cotton, Bird Dogs invented a cloud knit fabric that looks just like khakis but stretches so you get a way slimmer fit without having to sacrifice movement. And trust me, you are going to need all the movement you can get when you and your brothers and legs are out there on the battlefield kicking the shit out of your rivals. So when the lower body battle begins and brother is forced to kick brother, make sure you are wearing bird dogs. To get yours and a free Yeti-style tumbler, go to birddogs.com slash pop-off or enter

promo code pop-off at checkout. That's birddogs.com slash pop-off or promo code pop-off for a free Yeti-style Tumblr. You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay, that's it for me, go team pants and enjoy the show. It's featuring you, seeing the brisket and removing your contacts, you can get a better look. Okay. All right, so we got Doug Gulch, Lucas Thunder. Call ball, let's go ahead and roll your character.

Give me a, I'm so excited. I'm so excited. D20. Nine. And nine, another unusual eye color. Whoa, maybe you can say in band. Or you could just be or you could just be like a hot person who gives them self-purple eyes. Oh, yeah, like Valerian style. Or maybe I'm heterochromatic. Oh, that's true. Yeah. Yeah, that's what like lots of huskies are in David Bowie.

Yes, I'm heterochromatic, like David Bowie. Okay, sweet. Let's do NPC abilities. Give me a high ability D6 first. Three. Three. Constitution. Hardy, Hail, Healthy.

Maybe I am just a husky. Whoa. Hurtie, you're built for this fucking adventure. Maybe I'm just a dog. I don't know, but yeah, Hurtie, I like that. Let's go ahead and do low ability D6. Four, four, intelligence. So you're dim, you're dim-witted.

Okay, yes. Dim-witted, built like a brick house. Beautiful. Beautiful hazel and piercing snow white eye. Okay. Huskies are smart. Maybe you're more of a sheep dog. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. So. I think you're not a husky. Eating it to the fact. And maybe like a husky mix or something like that. There's some like lab or golner treaver in there. Confirmed we're going with gulner as a dog. Right.

I think we're kind of holding out hope that something will pivot it away. But, you know, if the dice will it? There it is. Yeah. Where it stands now. But a dog in a mystery could be quite helpful. Yeah, yeah.

With the top brisket, Scooby-Doo often solve mysteries along with Shaggy. That's true. Oh yes, we could be a Scooby-Doo crew. The worst Scooby-Doo crew dug gold. Whose dog am I? Like, I don't think I'm Jan and Troy's dog. Now, did you chase the rat in here? That's what happened.

Ah, this is my dog, I don't know where it was. It's the hot pursuit. They have the neighbor's dog, so I could potentially play one of the neighbors if I need someone to speak for me. But I do think I am the dog. Let's see your talent, D20. He's gonna be something a dog cannot do. To eat. 17.

Like, play with the other. Like, play with the other. Yeah, I'm airbod. I'm fucking airbod. Yeah, you are. There's nothing in the world that says a dog can't Juggling But it's just a juggling seals it that you're a dog It's what everybody was a dumbass

Just a fucking dumb dog Fucking dog what if airbud couldn't do any tricks of value? Good luck paying the bills with that let's do NPC mannerisms I couldn't do any tricks of value. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Good luck paying the bills with that. Let's do NPC mannerisms. D20. D20? I would be so weird in the context of a dog.

I can't wait. 11. Makes constant jokes or puns. Okay, but we won't be able to understand that she'll be whoops. Right. Although do I speak like scubi do am I talking oh this can be do of the gang yeah yeah the puns are not good because I'm dumb. Yeah, that's where, maybe that's where Doug's arrogance comes in is in the,

perhaps the most important. The fact that his puns are better than the dumb dogs. Everyone laughs at the dogs puns though. Yeah, they're good for, they're really good for a dog. Right. Incredible for a dog. Right, incredible for a dog. Um, I go ahead and, uh,

Romeo D12 for interaction trees. D12, okay. Seven. Seven. Honest. Yeah. Just an honest answer. Yeah, that totally sounds true.

Scooby-Doo. Scooby-Doo does not tell a lie famously. No. Well, I mean, sometimes you're like, just trying to get a hard dresser. he's just trying to get out of it. Well sometimes he's just trying to get out of it. Yeah, he tries to get out of like adventuring with everybody.

Oh, but he is. Scooby-Doo's a little scary. He's legitimately a freaking coward. Yeah, that's true. I would say he's honorable, but he is a coward. Yeah. Let's do NPC bonds with a D10. Okay, well this is gonna be my owners, but go ahead.

Nine. Nine. Nine. Out for revenge. Is it on a done juggling dog out for revenge? I think you're maybe at Chan and Troy's under the guise of being there friendly for the dinner party, but you have an ulterior motive. Yeah, I do. I think your owners got killed by their tub brisket.

Oh, fuck. That could be it. I do think that like I'm the next door neighbor's dog. I'm like, Jan and Troy do not like me. Yeah. Or perhaps like, yeah, they put up a fence or like, you might not know, they did something. You make puns all night long and they can't sleep.

You have to put up one of those. Janitor, I put up one of those, like, please clean up your dog's mess signs in their yard as like a passive aggressive statement against me. And I am taking it. Wow, so even though you can talk and juggle, you still are waiting for someone else to clean up your shit.

Yeah, that's the beauty of being a dog. He's a dumbass. Then let's do NPC flaws and secrets doll. He's a dumbass. Then let's do NPC flaws and secrets. Let's roll a D12. 10. 10. Secret crime or misdeed again. Say, maybe you did shit on Janitory's lawn.

Yeah, yeah, and that's why they put up the fence and that's why you're trying to get revenge. And like, I'm honest by nature So the fact that I did this and I'm hiding it is like eating me up inside Can I ask you just like all logistics question you got a contentious relationship You're coming in with the contentious relationship with Jan and Troy already Did you secure an invite nonetheless? I think I did it like cartoon style where like I nonetheless. I think I did it like cartoon style where like I smelled

something on the breeze and I leaflooded it through a window. Yeah, I'm like, oh, we did through a window. Okay, so you broke in. There's just a wild dog. I think Janitroy need this to go well. So like they're not pushing it. Cause like everyone's gonna make, oh, okay.

So like, yeah, we got there started petting the dog and they didn't want to be like make a thing and kick the dog out yeah you kind of like they rolled with it just that would be classic Jan and Joy yeah right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right I love that you're dumbstead as intelligence while you're talking a talking dog. So the only explanation is that like, for a talking dog, he's a dumb ass, but he's still a talking dog. So he's pretty smart as dog.

Yeah, smart as dog. He says dumb person smart dog. Yeah. What do we want to name this dude? Okay, so we don't really need to follow the conventions anymore because it is a dog. So we're gonna have a dog name for you. I'm just gonna put up a random word generator. Okay.

It's a word. His name could be the. I'm on the Purina website. Okay, great. Oh, dog named Purina, our sponsor. Thank you. No, don't say that. Well, we know they're in like fucking scandals. Oh, good God. There's so many. I have to choose the dog's personality.

Yeah, I tried to go to one of those for suburban and the generator, and I was just like, I'm not filling out a fucking quiz. What about football? Okay, sure. Why not? A dog named football who's good at juggling. Yeah, it's perfect. This is what Folly lives next to her. Sometimes he comes inside. Grouse part of the family.

Right. Your secret talent is juggling, but the real insane talent is that you're a dog that can talk. Yeah. That's the trick. That's the trick. This dog's incredible. He can bounce a beach ball on his nose. Did you hear he said something to you, Chan?

Don't ask me to juggle footballs. I can't do that. No, footballs just juggles beach balls. Don't you get it? What? Get it? That's it. What, get it? What was it? Oh really, we don't get it at all.

Look is thunder, football, and Doug Colts. All right. Hey, gee, let's go ahead and do, let's go ahead and do Emily's, and round out this party. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going to roll me a D20. 19. Exceptionally beautiful.

Oh, this is absolutely, just absolute smart shows, shows up. Did this party of goods? Fucking move over Scooby-Doo. This is the new game. He's laughing so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy.

I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy.

I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy.

I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm thinking amazing. And you are having a full evening gown. Yeah. Yeah. I am wearing an evening gown. Maybe I'm like a, I'm either like a lounge singer or an Instagram butt model or both. Cool. Definitely both, right? And it's an Instagram butt singer.

Yeah. You lay on top of pianos with like your butt like out really far so that you could take pictures of it for Instagram. I do lounge versions of of old like heavy metal and emo songs. Holy glucose is. Oh, that's gonna be great for Luke. Awesome.

That's really cool. We're also a band. We're also the Jabber job band. I think because I'm exceptionally beautiful. I'm also heterocratic. Okay. I think I'm going to be a good job at this job. I think I'm going to be a good job at this job. I think I'm going to be a good job at this job. I think I'm going to be a good job at this job. I think I'm going to be a good job at this job.

I think I'm going to be a good job at this job. I think I'm going to be a good job at this job. I think I'm going to be a good job at this job. I think I'm going to be a good job at this job. I think I'm going to be a good job at this job. I think I'm going to be a good job at this job. I think I'm going to be a good job at this job. I think I'm going to be a good job at this job. I think I'm going to be a good job at this job. I think I'm going to be a good job at this job. I think I'm going to be a good job at this job. I, I'm a dog. What's going on?

You chose that. You did not have to be a dog. So I said, you're David Bowie or you're a dog and you said, I'm a dog. I was being true to myself, okay? I know I couldn't play Bowie. Geez, come on. But then Emily's playing Bowie now.

I guess so. Give me D6 for low ability. Six. Six charisma. Wild. Oh, no. Yes, so give me D6 for low ability M6 six charisma Why oh I feel like no your two your two beautiful I'm boring putting yeah, you're totally in board that makes sense cuz beautiful people don't have to try Yeah, so I think you're just like hello. I suppose you're in the new neighbors So I think you're just like, hello, I suppose you're the new neighbors.

Hey. Long day. I love the idea of just an uncharismatic lounge singer. And everyone's just like, she's hot though. Have you seen her butt model? I'm also like a pretty bag singer. It's really just people are into the butt. And no one has told me I really identify as a singer. It's really just people are into the butt. And no one has told me, I really identify as a singer. You perform facing the other way.

Yeah. That's a low angle shot of the butt. And the microphone is on my butt, not my butt. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It's just constant sound of banging on my, so roughly, it's like Shuffling of my even The small scoochie fart of the piano bench

Go ahead and roll a D20 for NPC talents Five great with animals There you go They Like the rats I'm on their level. My charisma is of the rat levels So they like shimmy up and run across my shoulder blades Yeah, you're also like animals are the only ones who don't instinctually understand that I'm really really beautiful I

Like pigeons I like pigeons. You're a pretty lady. I love a cold and uncharismatic Disney princess. Yeah, football goes over to her for pets and she just doesn't know what to do. I usually I receive not give. Oh, go ahead and pull. D20 for mannerisms. Eight.

Use this flowery speech or long words. That this answer. When I say, when they're long words, it's because I draw them out. Like that. Cool. Just so short sentences, long words. I think her, yeah, her low charisma could definitely be attributed to the fact that you So cool. Just some short sentences, long words. Yeah, her loafer is, I could definitely be a churvent

into the fact that you could tell she doesn't want to talk to you. Yes, always looking right past you. The food business is, it's exploding right now. A lot of people got fish during the pandemic. I'm sorry, fish are exploding. I'm going to go talk to the pandemic. I'm sorry, fish are exploding. I'm gonna go talk to the dog. Oh, are you me, jungle? You know what, that guy's lingering by the microwave.

I'm gonna go hit him up. Do you see how it just goes on forever in this small space? It's the void, the blankness. You know what, the door has my name on it. Bye. Bye. She just solves the mystery because she keeps going to other random objects.

She keeps getting bored of every conversation she goes in. Roll a D12 for NPC interaction traits. 10. 10, ponderous. Mm interaction traits. 10. 10. Ponderous. Okay. Wow. It's just like shower thoughts the person. Yeah.

Yeah, just talking to everybody about like really deep thoughts and just looking past to them and not caring if they are engaged in the conversation. Raw. I'm sorry, does anyone else feel like this dog wants to fuck me? I just like, I know he can talk, but I also feel like he wants to fuck me and that's so weird I'm not about it. Yeah, he is humping a table right now. Let's go ahead and roll NPC bonds. Six. Six.

Draw onto a special place. Instagram. Yeah, that's it. Special. Yeah, just constantly on her phone. Draw onto a soulless void. Maybe my familiar can be my phone. Drone to a soul is void. Maybe my familiar can be my phone. Oh, no.

Phone familiar. And then we'll do D12 and PC flaws and secrets. 12. 12. Full party bravery. Oh, perfect. It kind of makes sense if she was. Step back. The world has always worked for me.

Nothing could go wrong. So we need to name this ridiculous person. Okay. Okay. I mean, probably like a Kendall or an Addison. Oh. I'll go to my suburban Denver subdivisions. Perfect. Okay.

The answer is there. Addison is good. I'm thinking Addison Junction. Oh. Addison. It's an adoncic. Good God. And why are you here?

So here's the thing about, yes. I'm honestly lost. I was supposed to go to a mixer. Good God. And what are you here? So here's the thing about, yes. I'm honestly lost. I was supposed to go to a mixer promoting a new water supplement. Oh, water supplement. Is that like fish food that you put in the water? No, it's like. It's going to be micro-wift. I think it can. It's going to it be micro lift? I think it can be enjoyed hot

I think it can yeah, it's just like a bunch of vitamin C and vitamin like lots of B vitamins. Do you guys take B vitamins? Fish were actually require enzyme printing enzymes Right little brown balls for dinner. There's vitamin stuffed in that, don't worry. Your owner's hiding them in there. How do you know what's in dog food? That's so true. I don't want to talk about it.

I actually agree. How do we really know what's in dog food? Oh, what you think? They literally, the ingredients there. I can read them for you. Okay, so we've got, so Addison Junction has wandered in thinking she was going to a mixer. Right.

We've got, for the halls, there's a grin in the house. Doug Goldsch, so just was somehow invited. I don't know how. Um, I think, yeah, he's just, he's there on purpose. And what about Lucas Thunder? Why was, why is Lucas Thunder there? Um, um, microwave repair man? Why?

I'm not afraid. So, so they just invited Doug over for a two out one. I'm the Michael A. Perfair man. Just stay. Yeah, poor timing. I'm the person over for a bathtub of brisket. I feel like Doug Gulch met Jan Orchoy at like a conference somehow and got invited. Yeah.

Yeah, I was also thinking, I mean, Addison could have just moved into the neighborhood into one of those like TikTok incubation houses. Don't move. The cheaper, you can get full mass. Yeah, that's true. So she could be like, she could be like making friends because she just moved into the, she needs like a break from the constant socializing of the incubation house. Yeah, the Des Moines High Pouse. Yeah. The Des Moines High Pouse, the west coast of the middle coast.

You just get tired of all the like 17-year-olds just sleeping in bunk beds. And what, perfect. Yeah. How does it, I'm wondering how Addison would react to the tub brisket because she's very brave, but normally she would not go for it, I wouldn't think. I think she's like young and exceptionally beautiful. So she's like one of those girls who's like, I actually don't watch my weight and then shows off by eating lots of food.

So I think like she would definitely like slap up a plate and make sure to get lots of pictures with herself with it. Oh, right. With the tub brisket and then she goes viral by being brisket girl. And then it's like negative attention, but it's still attention. Yeah. Definitely works in your favor somehow.

So then everyone in this party, I think, eats the brisket, right? I don't think anyone. I don't know any of them question it. Yeah. Football has to eat it. Wait a second. Yeah, football is easy. Football wants it.

I am high intelligence. Yes. So maybe I should be skeptical of the tub brisket. I think, I feel like you take a picture with the brisket, but don't eat it. Oh yeah, you take it, a picture of it, like a big plate of it, and then you like love barbecue,

and then you throw it out. Yeah, yeah. Finally getting some of that classic demoined barbecue over and so much about. Hashtag high-pouse. Why don't we do this? So I think Doug would definitely eat the brisket because he's a goon. Football would definitely eat the brisket.

What do you think about Lucas? I feel like Lucas will nibble the brisket. Lucas cooks all of his own meals and he eats them solo dolo. Like he's an independent guy, so he's not hungry, but he's here, he's been offered, he's gonna have a nibble, just have a taste. Why don't we go ahead and do an intelligence check for Addison to see if she eats any of the brisket.

Okay. So her intelligence is pretty high, we'll say it's plus five. I got a 14 on the deck. Whoa. Okay, so do we think that Addison, though she is incredibly off-puttingly attractive, do we think that she looks at the other people and like is she perhaps because she's the most intelligent,

the instigator of like, this is like kind of weird, right? Right. Oh. Oh. Is she the one who plants the seeds of doubt in everyone else? Right. Lucas Thunder's fork stops just short of his lips. You see a clearly puppeted dog hand reach up to football's mouth as he scratches his chin

and goes, rap, that is a little suspicious. Oh yeah, yeah, I suppose a rat might eat food that's on the ground, but I guess that's a little strange for a human, is it not? Can we see the top? Why don't we go ahead and wrap this one up? Why don't we end with Constitution saving throws to everyone to see how they take the brisket. I'll say football's gonna roll with advantage because that is his best stat.

Cheers. Oh my God, Addison got a three. Okay. Well, I think Addison avoided it, right? Okay, okay. You're lucky. Now 20. Oh my God.

So they'll just mull sit the fuck down. Wow, that's incredible. Lucas got a 16. Okay, Doug got an 11, so I think Doug gets diarrhea and has to go home early, but doesn't like shit himself or anything, because it's not a cat. As long as you don't shit in the bathroom with a whiskey and the app, then the dinner party's not ruined.

You just totally missed the mystery, you just go home. Oh, well, it's getting late. I give you the key to go shit at the hype house Then there are bedroom it's really weird I let it the past of it and I think I think he gets murdered at the high-pouse and that's the secret. This is because it's Addison's high-pouse. Addison is framed for the murder. Wow. And you have to clear Addison's eye fows. Addison is framed for the murder. Wow.

And you have to clear Addison's name, but the jury wants to convict her because she's just too unapproachably hot. She doesn't know charisma. It's up to a turny Lucas Thunder and his faithful dog companion to crack the case. Just me microway things and egg in the break room. How are we gonna get her out of this one?

Actually, Addison, I keep forgetting, is really high intelligence. So she probably L Woods and like represent herself in court. Good job. And so, Alucas is actually the public prosecutor trying to put you away. And of course, football is the judge. Yeah, hilarious. and put you away. And of course, football is the judge. Huh.

Hilarious. And yeah, I think Lucas also passes his constitution check because his diet is entirely microwave-dosed. So to have the tub brisket is just, this is honestly better than what he usually eats. Yeah. Some fresh food. Sweet guys, this is Dumb as Hell.

This is amazing. This is amazing. This one amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. This is amazing. Thank you all so much for listening. Thank you all so much for listening. listening. We'll be back next week Bye bye! Bye!