Not Another D&D Podcast - NADDPOD Live in Pittsburgh (Hardwon the Headless)

Episode Date: September 19, 2019

The Band of Boobs are live in Crittsburgh for the last night of the Nannerfly Effect Tour! The 2 Crew reimagines the scenario in Frostwind when Hardwon offered Jaina Bronzebeard his axe. Moonshine does some sick grinds, Beverly gets teased by ghosts, and Hardwon loses his head! Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Just enter offer code PAPA at checkout. That's www.atadominiv.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to the podcast so be sure to use the code PAPA to get your discount 100% free shipping and get it fast with brush processing. Code P-A-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, Sweeties. Hey guys, it's Murph and Emily. Hi. First off, thank you to everyone who came out

to our Nannerfly Effect tour. It was so much fun. The crowds kept us energized through what was an insane schedule. It was electric, y'all. Thank you for lending us your enthusiasm so we could spit it right back at you. Oh, yeah. I've decided to post our Pittsburgh show. I think all the shows were really good, so the decision

was kind of a toss-up, but the audio for this one was clean and it feels like a great episode. So I posted it. For some reason, the recording didn't start until after the player introductions, but there's still an introduction to the show So you aren't missing much we'll get to that in just a second, but Emily and I have something important. We'd like to plug Our sketch show hot date is coming back to pop TV for season two Oh Friday September 20th. That's tomorrow if you're listening on the day this comes out

Yes, and it also happens to be our wedding anniversary. So if you want to celebrate with us, you can watch on pop TV, or you can just download the pop TV now app and stream, I believe, the entire season. Yeah, they're gonna drop every episode on the pop now app, so you can download that, or you can watch two episodes Friday, September 20th.

There'll be two episodes at 10 and 10.30. The season is in New Orleans, so it's super fun. Our characters are planning a wedding, so it's very relatable. We've got some great guest stars like Thomas Lennon, Randall Park, and Margaret Cho. So yeah, please check it out. We really love the season and they get even better than the first, now without further ado, on with the show. Welcome to the campaign after the campaign.

This is not another D&D podcast. Cheers everybody, thank you. Cheers, let me. Guys, it is the last night of the Nannerfly Effect tour. And we are pumped to be here. Thank you guys so much for coming out. Welcome to the show. This is the Nannerfly Effect tour. So tonight we are going to be replaying an important moment in the podcast that was decided by a die roll. In this case, we'll be replaying the moment that hard one handed over his axe to Jane Abron, speared and told her to kill him.

If she really thought he was capable of Gemma's murder. Not sure what other way it could have went. It's really just kind of you, hand her the axe, she doesn't kill you,ma's murder. Not sure what other way it could have went. Ha, ha, ha. It's really just kind of a hand or the axe. She doesn't kill you. That's it. It's just happily ever after. It's a good idea.

The fact that my loved one is dead. Guys, so let's do a little recap to set the scene. The band of boobs have just traveled to Frostwind, where Gemma Bronzebe beard was set to marry the pale prince Gerard Col d'Ain. During the wedding welcome party, however, Jim A was assassinated by a cloaked assassin while out on a private balcony with hard one. Hard one, of course, failed his perception check, failed to protect his love. No need to dwell on this, they're all caught up. These intros have been so savage to hard one, I love it.

You guys did escape the party before you could be incriminated, then sent an animal messenger to Jim a sister, the warrior, Jaina Bronzebeard, and asked her to meet you at a tavern so you could discuss what you saw while Balnor and Papa waited at the tavern for Jaina, the rest of you did a little detective work, and discovered that the assassin was a devil named Akarat, who was pulling the strings of the assassins' guild in town. When you returned to the tavern to meet Jaina, however, you were not greeted as a friend, but as a suspect.

Now, hard one, you have a long history with Jaina. She, at one point, liked you, or at the very least, felt sorry for you in your position. That's all I need. Savage. But here, here you have shown up in a strange city on the night of your ex's murder. Right before she could wed someone else. So Jaina and her knights had searched your bags and found a treasure trove of suspicious items, including the dagger that killed Gemma. Jaina ordered her knights to arrest you all and you

reluctantly defended yourself. During the fight, hard one offered his acts to Jaina and told her that if she truly thought he was capable of killing Jema to go ahead and take him out right then and there and in the original timeline you were able to convince her and she threw the acts aside. But tonight, Cretzburg, tonight, they're gonna go a little differently. Yeah. And that's where we are now. So hard one, you have just handed your axe to Jaina Bronzebeard, someone who has, who's extremely emotional,

who feels like she failed as the bodyguard of the royal family, who's in an emotional place, because she just lost her sister, who has many reasons to be mad at you, including that you have the murder weapon on you, and you gave her an axe. Right. So get so far.

Okay. Jaina, look, if you think I bear any responsibility for this in some small way shape or form, if you think I could even be partially, partially responsible through negligence, I beg you, take my head and I wink at Moonshot and Beverly. And I wink at Moonshine and Beverly. I give you a really poorly formed thumbs down. I'm not sure if you're different from before. What is that negative motion you've done with your hand? I don't know, but it feels very inhospitable.

Moonshine and Beverly, you see, Jaina hesitates for a second, then steals herself, and instantly slices through hard ones now. Oh! What? Oh, oh, oh! Oh no! Oh! So now I go back up to the green room, right?

If you could kindly exit the stage. Thank you so much. Yeah. We have a flight booked for you back to LA. There's a car waiting outside. I'd like to have a land of wine. Yeah. I'm going to live there, man.

So you see the bronze beard soldiers who are attempting to arrest Beverly and Moonshine kind of stop in shock as hard ones head rolls from his body, and then his body collapses to the ground. You see Jaina with blood sprayed across her face and staining her tunic, looks possessed for a moment, and then just kind of throws the ax to the side. Is it me or is this how hard one would have wanted to go? I don't think this is how anyone wants to go. Oh, okay, okay. And there is no comfort. Who wakes up in the morning and is like, I hope I get my head chopped off. He loved Beheading in

life so much. I don't think hard one was big on irony. I don't think you know what that word meant. You're right, you're absolutely right. You would not appreciate this little nuance. Headless body just spraying everywhere, just twitching. Okay, okay. You see, Jaina just kind of realizes what she's's done throws the axe to the side and turns to her nights and just goes We need to go leave them and they look confused

My lady we need to go And you see she takes off with the nice Do you want me to behead you too? Not really. I want you to try. Hold me back, babe. I want you to try. Oh, hold her back, Papa. Hold her back, baby.

Hold her back. Hold her back. Papa runs out. Hold her back. Oh, baby. Just drag. I got such a big neck. Such a big neck.

Strong blood. Papa was being held captive upstairs by the bronze spirits, Just drag us into big neck, strong blood. Papa was being held captive upstairs by the bronze beards, but scrambles down the stairs once he hears that he needs to hold you back. And starts holding you back. The bronze beards hold you down. Holds Jaina back. He knows that this could be a just moment. But you see, Jane clearly kind of having acted in the moment, not sure if she did the right

thing or not. It's kind of just shell shocked and her and her soldiers quickly run off. Okay, I run up to hard one and I cast gentle repose. So that for the duration, the target is protected from decay and can't become undead. So for 10 days, your body's gonna stay for rest. Oh hell yeah, and I was probably super tense right when I died. So I'm looking like beefed up and bachelorette. Yeah, can I do it just on his body but not on his head? I

Would like to take hard ones head and put it on his belt You tie you tie hard ones head right next to glad And then it looks like they're giving Eskimo kisses to each other Quickly Look a little bit like truck nuts? Yeah. It feels like the three of you guys plan this without me right now. And you see, he was upstairs with Papa,

but Boundor runs down the stairs. And he runs down. Thank you. And he runs down. Thank you. And he goes, oh, I'm so glad to see you guys. Oh my God. Yep, yep, it's bad. This is...

Can you heal him? He holds him up, blood spurting everywhere, just shitting himself and seizing. I know it's not going to work, so I just use a first level healing word. No, I don't think I can. But Bounder, I've been bouncing this off people. This is how hard one would have wanted to go. Who just wakes up in the morning

and says they wanna get to capitated. Wait, Mooshine. Yeah. Is this how you wanna go? No, I wanna go suffocated by Shay's tips. So, so hard one is dead. Beverly, you are not at a level yet where you can cast revivify, and even if you could, it wouldn't work.

And I'm not at a level where I can cast re-incarnate. And moonshine cannot yet cast re-incarnate. But moonshine, you do know somebody who could re-incarnate hard one. Is it Shay? That was honestly my first thought to hear just talking about her. But it is Mima. It is Mima.

Mima is strong enough that she could reincarnate hard one. The problem with that is that she is far away right now, right? She is very far away, and you would need to find her. But that is kind of your only hope to save hard one is to get to the airship and get to Mima. Okay. Yeah, let's head for the airship. Let's book it. Let's get ourselves a road trip.

Bound or I know that you've done such a good work with the bags. What if you guarded the body? I'll put the body in the bag with as much respect as I can muster. You see he has a lot of trouble lifting this body that's way bigger than him. Hard one's pants falls. He's not wearing any underwear. This is weird, eh? Yeah. Sweetly, gently. Let me just say it. Let me just say it. Let me go ahead and I'll put on a pair of my boxers. I think he would like these. Yeah.

Put on a pair of Super Baggy South Park boxers on a hard one. This is emotionally abusive. I think he would want to go this way, honestly. He's not fitting, it's weird. The bag of holding should be big enough, but Starts trying to sham them in, like trying to fit a suitcase in the back of a cab. I said, my shallowly staff, and get in. Wow, come on. You guys all work to push hard one into the bag, and you successfully get hard one's body in the bag.

So you guys rush down to the frostwind docks towards your airship and you see that there are iron dwarves here. These big iron gollums with fire forge bellies patrolling while Frostwind City guards search various boats to investigate. Obviously, if somebody killed Gemma, it's likely that they could flee via the sea. Thank you, I rhymed. Amazing. This is an AK-Stanning Ovation.

Wow, insane. All right, everyone, calm down. Wow insane. All right everyone calm down. We can see. So you guys go ahead and you sneak up to the SS Stormborn and you see that there is a single iron dwarf here and two city guards going through your boat. One comes out, one of the guards comes out

with the secret picture of Gemma that hard one keeps in the captain's quarters. What do you think this is? Everyone knows it's a tasteful photo, right? OK. This is surprisingly tasteful. I might keep it for myself. No, dude, I want it.

They start fighting over the picture. And hard one, you are not here to see this, but the picture does rip. Oh, my god. Tell me how you guys proceed. It's just one iron dwarf and two guards on your ship. I'm going to kill them. I'm begging you guys, please.

Moonshine, you got something? Because I've got a thought, maybe. Oh, I love to hear you, man. I would like to cast command on one of the guards. And this is, of course, you speak a one word command to a creature you can see within range. And that one word command I think will be dunk. And I say dunk and I point to the water next to the dock.

Okay. He makes a, what, wisdom saving throw? Yeah, it's wisdom save. Okay. He makes a, what, wisdom saving throw? Yeah, it's wisdom save. Okay. You see. You will be giant diced behind the table. It's not so thick. Yeah, I roll the big dice.

Ooh. Yeah, the old fried dice. You see Beverly, this one dude, is able to steal the rest of the picture away from the other guy and goes watch this you fucking idiot jumps off the boat and just dunks it into the water And the other guard goes what the hell are you doing man? You just dunk paper into water And you hear the iron oh, sorry And the iron door goes, please get out the water. So is that other guy looking over the edge? Yeah. Can I cast infestation on him

to try and get him to jump into the water? Yeah, well, got a save to see me. Constitution save. That is a natural seven. He fails. Yeah, yeah, you see this dude is covered in bugs and and jumps into the water after his friend just dunked. The support shirt is ruined. So it's covered in water and bugs at this point. As these two guards jump in, you see the iron dwarf does turn around and see you. Everybody go ahead and roll initiative. Ooh, I was about to do it, but then I don't have a head. Hard one, here's the thing, I would like you to play Bound or for me. Yeah! Yeah!

Dang, bud, that's an honor. I got a six. I got a six. I asked 21. Whoa. Bill more rolled a natural one. Jake. Oh, wait, but Balnor also rolled a D12. Balnor rolled another natural one.

They are sweet, sweet poets. The story that tell us part of it than any week we could weave Jay take care of our dad, okay, okay, I'm bound or actually has lucky He's a half-lane. Yeah, you can roll again That's a nine That's better better than Beth never better than me. Yeah, this is gonna get retired That's better, better and better. Better than me. Yeah, this is going to get retired. We had a good time, but.

But in the bag. Moonshine, you are first. You also know that if you guys don't take off on this airship pretty quick, people are going to start swarming the ship. Right now you've just got this one iron dwarf on there. At any point, if someone would like to use an action or a bonus action to pull the lever and shoot you guys off onto the sea. That would guarantee that you just have to fight this one dude.

But it's up to you, however, you guys want to proceed. Mochai, that's your turn. OK, I'm thinking, I'm thinking we just try and bypass this iron door. Just get on there, get going. Oh, yeah. You are under arrest. Oh, please drop your weapons. I do somebody against a D so I can spore some real quick for 12.

Out, then that's poison me. Then you spore some robot. I am immune to poison. You have spit on me. Then I think I'm going to, I'm worried the most about balnor, so I'm going to turn to balnor and cast jump on Balnor. Yeah What is up with what does up with this guy's voice This how he always sounds there is something weird about him

You're the one with the weird voice man. Man. I'm not even that one. It's shaggy from Scooby-Doo. Zoax? All right, move on. Zoax. Zoax. And then I think I'm going to use my action to just run, or I'm going to use my movements just run by and jump

onto the boat. Right on. OK. This iron dwarf on addition to 15'm going to use my action to just run, or I'm going to use my movement to just run by and jump onto the boat. Right on. OK. This iron dwarf on addition to 15 is going to act, is going to run forward and take a couple slam attacks on you. If you'll not yield, I will slam you. That is it. When they do it, the hit.

It hits. Moonshine, thank you for protecting our cool dad. That is 25 damage to you, Moonshine, as he smacks you with a giant metal fist and I smack the mic. Hopefully that sounded okay. It makes a second attack. That is a natural 19. That is definitely going to hit.

That is another 21 damage. That is Boundor's turn. Hey, Budley Opera, we have a history. See this sounds something more like what I would expect to come out of your mouth. Balnor a man is dead. You're right. We must protect hard one. What the fuck is Balnor's voice? I'm gonna run to the ship. You run under the ship. Your jump is tripled. So you could just jump onto the ship.

Oh, I jump onto the ship. So you won't take any opportunity to attack. So what? I'll say you can attack with advantage if you jump on him. You hear one of the dudes from the water goes, now that is how you dunk, man. That's a natural 18 per Valnor. Sweet that hits. Go ahead and roll a D8. Ooh. Balnor also has action surge and pretty much most of your abilities.

That's a 6 on the 8. Or 6 on the D8. Sweet, it's a plus 5 so that's 11 damage. And I'll use Balnor's action surge. Oh you get two attacks already. So go ahead and make a second attack Do I get that with advantage? Yeah, this is the part that we had out of the course. Yeah, you're coming You're coming at him from the sky the natural 16 that is going to hit with his Modifier and then a seven Jack don't take this the wrong way, but you're a great Boundar. Thanks man Let me come out coming from my boy We weird dad flying from the air please yield all action search is bound right on yeah just omnie slashing him from the air I know that's

gonna do that's a seven seven does not do it that's 15 if that's gonna do it. That's a seven. Seven does not do it. That's a 15. Natural 15 is gonna do it. Yeah. And that's a six. Sweet. That's another 11 damage. Balnor Doing work over here. Sorry, I guess I should have just attacked. That is Bed's turn. Cool. Since they're both on the boat now, I'll just misty step onto the boat and toss a javelin at the golem. Sweet.

Yeah, baby. All right. Time to roll the dice. Oh, and Papa held an action to, as soon as everyone was on the boat, all the thing got on. I was going to say, I was going to roll to have more guards come on, but Papa, I can save the day. Hell yeah. I rolled a one so I'm gonna reroll that okay, they are you be lucky That's gonna be a 21 to yeah super hits cool. Can I do a thunderous smite with my javelin?

Yeah, nice Thunder smite watch a boy call lightning. Let's do this Please do not call lightning. You are under arrest. Everyone here is breaking the law. Throwing javelins at iron doors, very against the law. Highly legal. Your voice is so soothing.

Thank you, making Frost Doors dunk at the ocean. I'm sure there was a setting on my speaking stone. We're like, I could ask you questions. You can actually download one at www.frostwind.org. That's 14 damage. Oh. Just the thunder. Do anything to the robot?

It makes me feel uncomfortable. That's something. Oh, if it's a creature it must succeed on a strength saving throw, but it's a robot, so probably not. And then Paw Paw pulls the trigger. Sweet. Yeah. Yeah. At the end of initiative, Paw Paw runs forward. Rear. Pops up onto the lever, grabs it with his mouth, and pulls it down and you guys shoot off into the sea. Woo! Oh! Yay! I'm gonna say,

I'm gonna say this iron dwarf is quite flat-footed, so he's gonna do a dexterity saving throw to not just like fall back off the ship. Shout out to the two crews. Oh! Woo! Woo! Woo! Um, as you guys shoot off, you see the iron door falls back into the water.

No, I am not the waterproof. Get dunked on. Um, so you all take off on the airship, uh, shooting into the sky, you let the sales down, and uh... Should we take out Hard hard ones body and air it out? Yeah, that's pretty good. Yeah, we should probably get the You can play pop on now. Rare. Yeah, we should probably, you know, like,

maybe I should throw like a lemon in there. Rare. Yeah, pop on agrees. You know, there's a lot of a lot of duke in the drawers Lemon in there? Yeah. Rare. Yeah. Papa agrees. You know, there's a lot of duchy in the drawers, the evacuating themselves. I feel like getting, you know, killed to really mess up your clothes.

Maybe we should do a load of wash. Yeah. Get him cleaned up. I think so, yeah. Rare. Rare. I don't know. Hard one could just wear my clothes, you know.

Rare. He wears, he likes to wear what, like a double X-cell, so it's nice and baggy. Buh-buh, buzz bell, nor. What is gone into you, bud? So you guys take off, you let down the sales, and begin traveling from the frigid north down to the main continent.

And you know that while you are heading north to Frostwind, the Crick elves were making their way west to Glade Home from the Crick. You know the general path that they would take to get there, but you don't know where they would be right now and time is of the essence. You have 10 days to be able to reincarnate hard one. It takes about six days of sailing

just to get back to the main continent. You make your way near Gladehome and begin to do a sweep of the area, heading east, hoping to catch the crick-elves along their path. And before long, nine days have passed and you only have one day to find a Mimaw. But on the 10th day, you see something extremely suspicious. You are combing the area near Gladehome, then make your way to Iron Deep and the mountain pass where the cricks would have had to travel to reach the Western coast.

While traveling through the valley of the Cloudbreaker Mountains, you see the aftermath of a battle, more specifically, it looks like a slaughter. You see dozens of dead dwarves. Moonshine and Bev go ahead and give me a perception or an investigate check. Can Papa give a help action?

Yeah, totally. I'm not gonna make his own one if you want. He is a lawyer, so I'll say he's got plus five. He has a need, I got 26. Damn, yeah. I've got a 19 so he's too good too. I got a non natural 20. Sweet.

You all did a really good job. Congratulations to everyone. Yes, thank you so much. Thanks man. You guys park the airship. Get out and investigate this. You see that these dwarves were killed by Crick Elves. Yeah, that's a people.

OK. You see there are arrows and then bite marks from animals on the bodies. It looks like some of them were gourd, but this looks like a strategic attack, more like it was perpetrated by wild shape to druids than actual animals. And you see these dwarves do not look like they're from iron deep. Iron deep soldiers are usually heavily armored, but these look like barbarians.

Mountain folk wielding crude weapons and light armor with animal pouts. And you guys take a moment and pause and examine the carnage when suddenly you hear the tiniest bit of raspy breathing coming from one dwarf. You guys walk over to him and you find this dwarven barbarian with a mohawk. Lying on the ground with an axe at his side, his eyes are glazed and he's barely clinging to life just staring forward, holding his neck, which is leaking blood. He has some kind of terrible wound there. I lean in and I say, are you a lav?

Yes. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Yeah. Yeah. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Moonshine, is he dead?

Should I kill him? No, no, no, no, he's alive. Okay. You are alive, right? He feels, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's I don't know what he was. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. This is gonna hurt a whole lot and I start like sewing up his neck. No!

I'm sorry all I had was this boot leather shoe string. Honestly it looks pretty fetching. Yeah the needle is quite thick as well. It's a crochet hook. Yeah I'm working on a quilt. Congrats, that sounds great. Sounds warm. Friend, what happened here?

Well, I'm glad you asked. Me and my family, my people, we tried to attack a band of ill-looking elves, and they murdered us. Yes, quite savagely, yes. We wanted to load off my bag. Yes, no, we are the bad ones, for sure. Okay, good, good, good. I mean, not for you, what's really?

You're so polite for being such like a murderer. Yes, it wasn't quite my fault. I was kept in a rage. I was about buried in against my will, actually. Now, I have one more question was kept in a rage. I was about Bayray and against my will actually yes now have one more question Yes, of course. Is this how you thought you would want to die? Oh That's a good question By being attacked by a jiveling clocks pop-up Sweet Meloran cordon I'm being very, very happy. Oh, dear. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy.

Oh, sweet, melore and cordon. Oh, you're melvall or melore. Just get it away from me. OK, Papa, you know what, you are not everyone's cup of tea. Me. So, are you bad? I'm not allowed to rely myself with you. I'm not sure actually.

No, I think I'm good. As long as I'm not mad, I'm nice, I'm good. Oh, okay. You seem pretty chill right now. I'm feeling quite chill right now. Yes, I spend most of my life enraged, but I feel good now. Okay, well. Yeah, well, what's your name, bud? Jivelyn.

I'm sorry, Javelyn. It's close, but it's not quite it. Jivelyn. Jivelyn. Jivelyn. Jivelyn. Jivelyn, like Jeff meets Javelyn. That wasn't an accurate correction. I heard, heard Jiffy pop. That's a little further away actually. Jiffy Lynn. Jiffy Lynn. You can just, you can call me JV. Okay.

Like JV, yeah. JV, that's cute. It actually feels quite right. JV, JV. Well, JV, we had one of our friends was murdered, not as many of our friends died as your friends clearly, although you seem to be okay with it. Yeah, he were all bad.

Really? Just surveying the scene, anyone here, you want me to like, because we're kind of... No, the guy was an ass. Okay, yeah, yeah. I'm the piece of shit. That lady over there was the worst. If all she was my mom by the way.

Yeah. Okay, okay, so no one, we're not and anyone else. The lady over there was the rest of all she was my mom by the way. Okay. Okay. So no one, we're not and anyone else to believe. Okay. Big, average, big. Okay. All that. All right. Let's kick some corpse.

Oh, Jiblin curbs thumbs a bunch of corpses. Quite glid. That is the opposite of a gentle repose. So you see, so Jiblin, you actually know the way that the Crick Elves probably traveled, so you can lead these guys. Yes, yes, there was one, a Bucsum old lady who turned into an ilk and kicked my cousin's skull, clear in half. Damn straight. I think I can make out the hoof prints there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This way. And there's also a little bit of dripping because she was pregnant. Oh, that's amazing. Congratulations. I didn't want to. I didn't want to. I wasn't able to say anything

because I had my throat torn out by a... By a... By a... That's a sweet little possum. Taking the whole crit thing very well. Yes. I hated my people. Alright, well, let's follow them hoof prints. So you follow Mima's hoof prints.

You see that she clearly dragged some more of Jivelin's family along the way. You also see like dwarven bodies were dragged. It hits my second cousin Trevor. Good. Being quite big. Good. I step on that cousin throat and shake my head solemnly. So Jivelyn leads the way and takes you guys

through the valley and to a cavern that will allow a more direct trip through the mountains. However, these tunnels are notoriously dangerous. They were once used for mining, but have long been abandoned, and said to be cursed by dwarven ghosts. Good, good, good, good, good, ghosts.

Zoinks? Yeah. Boundores, Zoinks. What? Why did I feel like I needed to say that? All right. I am afraid. Let's go.

Let's go. As you guys enter the cavern, you do see evidence that the Crick Elves have passed through here. The Dirt and Gravel on the floor has clearly been disturbed. Covered milk as well. But you don't hear anyone echoing in the tunnels ahead.

It would seem that the crit-gelves are quite a ways ahead of you and you do not have a lot of time. However, there just happens to be another path through the mountain that looks to be a little bit faster. You guys see going through a different tunnel, but in the same direction is a dusty old mine cart covered in spider webs. The track looks to still be intact. I'm not seeing any leftover crawdads around the mine cart. Is there a reason that the Crickles wouldn't have taken this? I don't know, maybe they're fucking pussy's.

I don't know why I should have. I don't know. There are thousands of Crick Alves and this is one mine cart. Okay, I see, yeah. They don't trust machines, I get it. Let's go. Sweet, you guys hop in the mine cart.

Bounder hops out, gives you guys a rolling start and you guys immediately take off. Everybody go ahead and roll initiatives. Ooh. Is this initiative to see if we get car sick? Yeah, this is see in what order people barf in. I will be barfing seventh. I got a nine.

I got a 14. Ooh, jivelyn. I got a 14. Jivelyn 14. Ooh, Giffle. Oh, I got a 14. Giffle and... You know, holding your barf. So, I mean, if when we're out here, if things go wrong, do you want me to make you mad? It might be effective.

Okay, just tell them who it hurts your feelings the most. You just mentioned my dad's not proud of me that he knows. Okay. Boundar, can you say that you're not proud of Jivelyn? Not yet. Not yet. Not yet. What do you say, motherfucker? I said I'm not proud of you, bitch. Jivelyn goes into a rage.

Two surges. So you guys see on initiative 20, that is the layer action. Before we do this, before we start, I do fungal form. OK, all right. As you hop onto the cart, you fungal form. You guys see on initiative 20, you guys hear a little echo through the cave of tiny voices going,

Tee-hee. Tee-hee. Tee-hee. Tee-hee., t-hee! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! You see little yellow eyes.

You know what it says. As you ride the mine cart through these tunnels, you see little yellow eyes appearing in like tiny like burrows throughout the tunnels. Everybody go ahead and give me dexterity saving throws as they blow poison darts at you. Okay, ooh boy. So, you were gonna go poison and die slow.

Givalin now be a good time to go into rage. I owe him, I'm there. I'm there, I'm there, I'm quite there. I got a 19, don't forget to add plus four. I got a one. Ooh, a Bounder got a one, two. Bounder can reroll that. Ooh, Bounder got a one. Ooh, a Bounder got a one, too. Bounder can reroll that. Ooh, Bounder got a net, 20.

Yeah. Yeah. Woo. Ha, ha. Everybody who got hit, which is just moonshine. Moonshine, you take 12 damage from poison darts, and then go ahead and give me Constitution saving throw. 17. 17 you pass. You do not get poisoned.

On initiative 15 you guys see two swarms of bats fly down from the tunnels and go in on Juvilin. Both of them miss. They're just flying around you, just chaos in this cart. Why do animals want to eat you so bad? I hate bugs. Jivelin, that is your turn. I'm going to swing at the bats that I've been calling bugs.

Sweet. You want to hate me? They're not bugs, man. I'm going to attack them recklessly, actually. Careful, Jivelin. They now get advantage on me. Oh no. Oh. Shout out to the two crew, but I'll be going with the 22

that I got. There you go. Super hits. Givalli, be careful. These could be Dracula's and disguise. Dracula's. What the fuck is a Dracula? Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, you sweet naive dwarf. 14 damage on the bats. Sweet, you swing in. You fully, these are two swarms of bats. You fully have one of the swarms. You just kill three bats with one swing.

Sweet, I'll try to kill some more. Sweet. That's a net 20. Yeah! Man, fuck, bats. 27 damage to the best. Jesus. Chivalin, you cleave through the rest of the bats in this warm and fully take out all of the bats instantly.

The bats. Woo! Woo! Woo! Wait, were they Dracula's though? They were just regular bats. Okay, thank goodness. I hate bats. Hahaha. Um, and then you guys see, ooh, on initiative 10. Oh, no.

Oh, snap the book, baby. Oh, no. Ah. Um, Jivelin, you here, a familiar voice echoing through the cave. Oh, it's you, is it? You survived. That's so disappointing. I hate you. Hey, dead? Oh, I just seein' you. It makes me so mad. Just, Dad, I survived. Do you remember the rage?

You get to get into a rage because I live. Oh, yeah. Your mother and I, we wanted to have kind of a lot of fun when we were young, but then we got pregnant with you and ruined our lives. I had nothing to do with that. Oh yeah, I wasn't there. When I was conceived in. It's not fair that you put that on me. I still resent you for it. Makes me mad. Makes me want to go into a rite. And I'm so confused. This sounds so polite.

I'm so sorry. I mean, to have such a blow up far. I'm sorry to really have it out with me. My son, yeah, they're both smiling. I don't understand. You do see four dwarven ghosts, Jivelin, you're a mediate family. Your mom, your dad, your sister, and your brother. Fly in, and you're gonna go after you guys in the card.

You see? That's my mom, that's my dad, that's my brother, and that's nice to meet you. I'm Givalin's mom, I don't like him at all. Make me sick to look at him. I really thought that my death might make you appreciate me, but I guess you really should. Oh, you thought I would think about you on my deathbed,

and regret being mean to you, but I loved every second of it. Well, I thought I would come back for a bit more. I must admit that that puts me in a bit of a ride. Oh, yes. I'm already in a ride. So you almost have such a contentious, but pleasant Thanksgiving. It's gonna be the weirdest Christmas card.

You see, Jivelyn's dad is going to fly up and attempt to possess Boundor. I have a big dice. I keep myself honest. I'm gonna go ahead and roll in front of the table. Ooh. Boundore needs to roll a 13 or higher to save on this. I don't know. Come on, let's go, Boundore.

Roll, roll, roll. Oh! Yes! Yes! Yeah! Get out of here! Yes? Fuck up my dead! Yeah!

Fuck up my dead! I'm actually really proud of this guy. I'll be his dad if you won't be. Yeah! You ghostly coward! Spits him out. The other three ghosts are going to do withering touch on Jivelyn. You see the dad has already gone. Your mom goes, so is this a hug or is this more of a... Oh this is just kind of a little slap.

Kind of just slapping you with my ghostly hand. If you don't mind me. I had mustard meat on glad you did. Oh. You'll be joining me soon. I hope you go to hell. Oh, that's nice to know she went to hell, though. Oh, I'm not in hell.

I haven't finished business. It's kind of sweet. She wants me to go to hell with her. So we'll be a family down there, I suppose. Oh, no, I'm not in hell. I want you to go to hell with this so we'll be a family down there. Oh no, not in hell. I want you to go there so you can be away from me. That is 17 to chronic damage that does not get halved. She does hit you and you see your brother is gonna go after you. Oh hi, Givalen. I thought we were buds. It was you and I for us then. For a bit.

For a spill. Oh, just for a split second there. But you know, I decided I kind of wanted to be the favorite brother. And that means sending you to hell. I'm so sorry. It really violates our pect. Yeah.

Well, you know, go fuck yourself. All right. He does hit, that is 16 damage. I hate my family. And that is your sister's turn and she goes, I quite like you actually. I don't know why I'm here. All right, yes, you and I have this.

That is brother. Yeah, she's died pretty good. I'm a ghost. Now I have to kill you, I don't know. No, I missed. I think my heart wasn't in it. Good. Well, you know, have a nice night, Jivelin.

That is moonshine's turn. OK, would you say that ghosts are vapor gas or fog? Uh-huh. Sure. If it's just like it disperses fog, it's not going to work. They're like, they are entities. Then I'm just going to attack Jivelin's dad. That's fine.

I'll co-sign on that. Yes. My dad, please. Are you my son's friend? Yeah. What's in the name? I'm Jivelin Kras. I have a new dad and a friend.

Oh, yeah. How about a Jivey friend? Why would a new dead and a friend. Oh. Yeah. How about get jiblin friends with a little dead, like my son? Because you know what? We met him and he was about to die. And then we sewed up his neck. And he was really brave about getting sewed with a crochet needle and some boot leather.

He's a trooper. Yeah, you ghostly pieces of shit. Can I tag, can pop, pop, give me a hell of a picture for my tag? Yeah. Papa is freaking out about the ghost. Papa hates ghosts. Finally, a little pet on my side. 27 to hit.

Yeah. That's gonna be 20, and then I spores him for 12. Woo! Um, Chivalens dad is immune to being poisoned. Oh, maybe he did it to me in real life, but I'm a ghost. Yes. You have just about a stupid as my son. Um, I guess I swan dive off the cart to my death.

It's been as no, and y'all. Which I know. That was my only friend. That is, that is Bev Stern. I cannot stand the sight of a bad dad. Would you say that these are fey or fiend? Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, I think my dad's a fiend. Do you think he can beat this burst? I think he should beat this burst. He should've seen him when he was a little kid. He was a little fiend. He would come home.

He'd say, Dad, I went to first grade. You want to look at my test? I did a good job. And I would say now, get away. I wasn't partied trained as a two-year-old. So he was mad. You should've learned to shit in the pot. I was too. I just feel like I'm catching half the words.

It's just like a vowel stew. I'm gonna go ahead and try and smite on the dead. Sweet. Jivelyn, is it okay if I hit your dad? Yes. All right. Does a 13 hit, or 12, sorry, 12 does hit. What?

He did go sleep dad. Hell yeah. Yeah, I light my sword with a holy justice, and I slice into your fucking dad. Get it. Yeah. I'm going to do a second level smite, and that's going to. Yeah! I'm gonna do a second level, Smite. And that's gonna be several dice, so give me a second here.

Everyone, please be a complete silence while we do the math. Thank you so much. Thank you! Thank you, but shut up, because we can't add the numbers. Water silence. Water Silence. It's so hard. That's going to be 23 on the first attack. Woohoo!

Beverly, thank you for yelling because it was a 14 and he added it wrong. So that's really helpful. Beverly finished Jivelyn's dad. Oh. I obviously tossed my sword to Jiveland's dad. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. I obviously tossed my sword to Jiveland and say, yeah. This isn't exactly therapy, but it might be close enough. Yes.

Oh, you're going to be able to swing and hit this time. I remember baseball. You and third grade, playing with a bunch of second graders. You couldn't even get on base, could you? Now, you know what, Dad, you, you kept me in a rage my whole life because I was so mad at myself because I couldn't please you. And now my two new friends here and this new dead, the ricks of tuna, they've told me that I should focus my rage on pieces of shit like you. Woo!

But I won't give you the satisfaction of digiapitating you with a sword. I jiblin lays out the sword like a little up for it. I'm just going to be up for it. I'm just going to be up for it. I'm just going to be up for it. I'm just going to be up for it. I'm just going to be up for it. I'm just going to be up for it. I'm just going to be up for it.

I'm just going to be up for it. I'm just going to be up for it. I'm just going to be up for it. I'm just going to be up for it. I'm just going to be up for it. I'm just going to be up for it. Papa rips out his ghostly neck, and you see his entire ghostly being goes into Papa and Papa swallow him and immediately begins like gagging and burping. Oh, Papa, come here, come here.

Let's get that bad juice back. He needs to be burled. Come here, come here. Oh, come here. He vomits all over your shoulder. Me! I'm probably dead. Oh, etoplasm.

No, it's all, don't worry. I pick up some of the throw-up. It's like, this is glowing. I feel like this is something we should save. This is not natural. It's a little piece of my day. I take out some Tupperware for it. Okay.

Um, and then you guys see on initiative five. Can I take my second attempt? Oh, yes, yes you can. Get my mom. Oh, he killed you dead. I didn't think I could be more disappointed in you. So we're just doing like a Walmart photo studio of despair here.

Yes, yes. All right. It's like the therapy but with. That's going to be a 20 to hit. Super hits. Ah, yeah. I'll do a first level smite this time. Here comes some dice.

Oh, not good enough for second level then. Oh no. Bev's hearing echoes of his dad and the voice. Oh, what is it, Ted? Are you good at baseball? I was good at t-ball, and then I switched to tennis. Couldn't hit it unless it was on the stick, could ya? I need the stick. I need the stick I need the stick kind of a

Slowly slow gold that's what I'm gonna call you know that oh That's 22 damage yikes. I'm she looks quite messed up already. Oh, I didn't like that one bit Be nice to your kid Yeah, I got two ghostly kids. Oh nice enough to them. She's nice to my brother and my sister. Yes. Hi I'm Jivelyn sister. I'm Jivelyn's brother. What was your name sister? Joblin Joblin. Ah And I'm Jivelyn Jivelyn and Joblin and Jiblin. We have to kill them.

This is too confusing. Yeah. No, it's easy. I'm Joblin. I'm the brother. I used to be friends with Jiblin. Now I'm not friends with him anymore. This year is Jiblin.

That's Jiblin sister who likes Jivelyn, but is still attacking you now. Oh, this is a floating beside us. Yeah, and just following you guys on the mine cart. OK. OK, that's my turn. Sweet. Then you guys see on initiative five, or I guess rather here, you hear another mine cart

rocketing down from another tunnel. And you guys see eight deep gnomes, these gnomes with gray skin and yellow eyes, riding up next to you in a mine cart. Puhu! They are going to pull out little blow darts and shoot at you guys. Puhu!

You're a dad, doesn't like you! My div did, he doesn't have an opinion. Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha! Uh, oh boy, they're rolling like dog shit. Um, there are eight of them. One of them hits. Moon Shine. Mm-hmm.

Hang in on, come on. For five damage, uh, go ahead and give me a constitution saving throw. 20! Not net. You did the plows for a not net 20, it starts and it stops. It hurts. It's like I saved, but I also failed.

That is back around to initiative 20. You guys see at the start of the next round in the deep distance, you can see a spider web that looks thick enough that it might stop your cart. And you see many, many giant spiders skittering across the wall. If you guys are not able to destroy this spider web by initiative one All of these spiders are gonna catch up to you and there are a lot of them. Papa is freaking the fuck out I Point to the spiders and say those are bugs. Yeah, that's bug those are a wreck needs

I also hide arachnids. I'm so honored that you got it correct. That is Jivelyn Stern. Jivelyn, you've got these three ghostly family members. You do have the spider web down the line here. And then you've got eight gnomes that are shooting at you guys with poison. Are the gnomes also a family? We're family by choice. We're just best friends.

We love killing people together. Yeah. We have nothing more than finding somebody who wanders into the caves here. We just lead them down here. We pretend we're friends, and they really start cutting them up with daggers, man. You know, you got to respect the found family, you really do. Wow.

Is there a car also heading towards the spider web? Yeah. Okay. We're down the dive, though. That's good. In that case, I'll try to kill my mom. And I will tack it her recklessly. 24. Super heads.

Hits my mom. I'm gonna hit you own mom then. Twill damaged to my mom. Quite hurt. Good. Jive Lynn, have you ever had a sticky bun? I was fed rocks. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm Jivelin. Okay. I break off the bottom half of my axe. I stick it through my mom's mouth.

And I say, I was actually bitter at T-Bull than anyone thought. And I swing it her head while it's mounted on the bottom of the X. Nice. Her ghostly form disperses. That is back around to the ghost that is your brother and sister. Oh, now I'm quite mad at you. Give Mom a dead. Give Mom a dead.

And they're negative energy. Oh, I still feel a lot of negative energy myself now. I'm a ghost. They're going to go ahead and try to, your brother is going to try to possess you, Jivelin. Oh, right. You don't come on. Might just become you and then jump off

and just stick my face in the rails. Go ahead and make a charisma saving throw. I wish I had a brother. 20, not net. Yes, you say. Hell yeah. Your sister is going to do withering touch. That is a 21 hit. Is that like a wet willy or something?

It's just a bit of a little Necrotic touch day? Just pick it on him a little bit. I don't like it. She does 19 damage to you. Yeah. That's necrotic, so it's not halved. That is Mochester. OK, I want to lighten him

both this web just for where just for where our mine cart is going through. Sweet. So all the spiders get scared and go to the side that the gnome's mine cart is going through. Okay, sweet. I already rolled damage, 28. 28.

You see that a great deal of this web is broken apart, but it still looks like it might be enough to catch you guys. That is Bev's turn. Okay, there's still some web left. I will. Hmm, I'm going to... Ooh, I'll cast Moonbeam on the web. Oh, yeah. Sweet.

Go ahead and roll your damage. Obviously the web can't roll a deck. Yeah, oh, that's not cool. It's just a web Oh, oh It should catch on fire. It should catch on fire. Yeah, that's the lightning bolt does It's a bad thing. I'm gonna say I'm gonna say you don't even need a waste moon Moonbeam if

Moon shines thing makes the catch on fire. Oh, the web starts catching fire and burning away. Are the spiders screaming as they run away? That's not fucking fired you know Sounds of the creek Beautiful sing song voice Bad that is your turn So we're take a different your turn. So we're, you can take a different action. Awesome, so we're clear that spider web is burning away. Okay, cool, I guess I'll keep like whittling my way through Jivelyn's family then.

Pleasience. We're having legitimate breakthroughs. You're sure this is cool? Yes, okay. Do you have any brothers or sisters there? I don't, I'm an only child. Oh, so you pan stopped at you because I couldn't stand you, huh?

Just thought they'd have the one because you were kind of a handful emotionally. Someone say that I'm enough that I'm their little miracle baby boy. Yeah. Bev is messed up. I'm going to go ahead and you know what? I'm going to do a wrathful smite. Because I'm angry.

That's an at-twenty. Bev, if the wrathful smite is a bonus action, you could do another smite on top of it. Oh shit. And do all of that with crit damage. Oh, that's so many d8s. Hold on one second, my friends. Yeah, actually, there's a lot of d8s here. You guys can talk quietly about yourself.

Yeah, maybe catch up with your neighbor. Yeah. Turn around and introduce yourselves. All right, I'll do a first level divine smite. So that's going to be three. Sweet, yeah, do a first-level divine smite. So that's gonna be three. Sweet, yeah, and double all your dice. Well, okay. 39 points of damage. She was nice. Chivalens, I would say Jivellens' brother is on Death's Door, but he's already dead, he is quickly dissipating. Oh, barely a ghost then. Yes. Jivelin, you mind if I take another swipe at him?

I would love it. Yes. Here with my brother, please. Did you not have any dreams for yourself other than just being a murderer because your parents wanted you to? I wasn't allowed to have dreams. I slept in a prickabish, so I used to be.

Yeah, we all thought it was pretty funny. If we just kind of stayed up all night, making sure that Jivelin didn't sleep, we just poked him with sticks. I was always the same. And we saw that he was pretty funny if we just kind of stayed up all night making sure that Jivelyn didn't sleep We just poke him with sticks and we saw that he was smiling while he's dreaming We knew he was having a good dream so we'd whisper mean things and it was his so we have nightmares And stand my luck was a waking nightmare Yeah, this right now being attacked by noses and spiders and my ghost family is the best day of my life More good days to come, buddy.

That's a 19 to hit. That hits. I'm going to roll damage. That's nine more damage. You kill Jivelyn's brother. Go play Teaball with the devil, you ass. This episode of NADPOT has brought to you by Bird Dogs. They're a company that makes pants and shorts, so no matter where you fall and the age

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You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay, that's it for me. Go team pants and enjoy the show. Um, that is the Nomes turn. They are going to go ahead and shoot more employs and blowdarts at you guys because they're huge pieces of shit. First two go at Beverly, first one is a crit. Cool. That is 16 damage Beverly, go ahead and give me a Constitution saving throw. I would love to. Next to go at Jivelin. They both miss. Next to go at Moonshine. Both miss. Next to go at Balnor. That's another crit and a hit. There's a 16 on Conpass. It does. All right. Boysend Balnor takes 19 damage, rolls a con save.

Two con saves actually passes them both. The darts fly right into the bone of my ass. Oh no! I just knew it was bone. This man has quite a thin ass. Make your weakness as you're straight. He's a little winking on it. Sitting looks very painful for him.

I can't do a single sit-up. I'm mostly tailbone. Then that is Boundor's turn. I think I might have skipped Boundor's first turn as Boundor not gone. Where was Boundor? Boundor was right here. I was saving up.

I'm going to do two turns right now. Kill my family, please. Boundore's gonna go ahead and start throwing javelins at these nobs. It's crits on the one natural 19. Jesus, Boundore. Boundore throws a javelin. It's one directly between the eyes as it flies off of the minecart and brutally dies. Bound orkills one. He hits a second one for another 10 damage and then hits it

again for another five damage. You see Bound orkills, two of these Nomes. We're down to six Nomes. There you go. That is back around to the terrain. So you guys see up ahead, you guys all pass through the spider web. You see it is burned away enough that the Nome's card makes it through. Your guys card makes it through. The spiders quickly cannot catch up to you. You guys see that your card track is about to end on initiative one. It plummets off into the abyss on a destroyed track. However, the Nome's card is about to veer off and still be on track on a different track.

You'll need to get that one. Or else you'll plummet. That is Jivelyn Stern. Yes. Terrain, our greatest foe. Jivelyn will jump into the... Yeah, I'll jump into the gnome cat. Go ahead and make an athletics check.

You're in a rage to do with advantage. Nathanette, 20? Yes! Goodness! Crit's bird, thank you for lending us your string. Yeah! Woo! I'll say with a nat 20, Jivelin,

you jump over, jump kicking, um, one of the gnomes off of the card, you fully kill one. Oh, so good. You are now in this card with five nightmare gnomes who I'll look at you. We'll be your family. And they all pull out daggers.

This is an upgrade. Those are even more poisonous. You guys are better than my mom and dad. Why do you like us? Bring it in for a family hug. What? Come here. We're used to people being afraid of us.

What do you do, dude? This seems quite pleasant. Comparatively. How much psychic damage do they take? How much psychic damage has Jivelin take and do it the whole entire life? That is Jivelin's sister's turn. She's going to go ahead and try to possess moonshine. Why not? Moonshine, go ahead and give me charisma saving throw.

Okay. It's going to be a 19. Good for you guys. You spin it right out. Taste quite bad then. Stop going into my friends' mouth. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm miscalculated, 17. 17, that's fine, you're still past. Moonshine, that is your turn. OK, these gnomes are really short, right? Yes. OK, I would like to bonus action go into a rage

so I can get bonus on my athletics check to jump into the cart. Sweet. Sweet. See, I get a mother fucker. I only get 11. You guys see moonshot? OK, you know, I still have an action. If I fall, that's fine. I would like to create 10 gallons of water in the mine cart to try to drown out the the drown the gnomes.

I can do it in the air. I don't need to make it to the... Amazing. Moonshine you. Create water in. Jivelyn's pretty short too. Jivelyn, you and the gnomes that you're attempting to... You are hugging these gnomes and you're all underwater right now. And here comes a rage buddy. Hey, rage, twin. You're taller than the gnomes, right? Jivelyn, really? You can swim, right?

Your parents thought you ought to swim. They love you? Oh no. Mooshine, you take 19 damage as you fall onto the track and you begin falling behind. Somebody's gonna need to help you or else you're gonna get left behind. That is Bev's turn.

Can I try and use Nature's Wrath to make some vines to like basically, you know what, actually, I've got rope, I'll just use rope. Sweet. Nature's Wrath is cooler, use that. Okay, cool. Nature's rope. Yeah, I use Nature's rope. I'll just use rope. Nature's wrath is cooler. Use that. Okay cool. Nature's rope. Yeah, I use nature's rope. Vines. Spectral vines appear between me and moonshine. I'm going to jump over into the gnome cart and then create these vines so that I can pull

moonshine behind me. She's basically body surfing attached to vines. Can I stand up and surf the rails? Like a water skier? Yes, yes you can. Bab, go ahead and give me an athletics check. I'll say you can do it with advantage. Papa should have helped moonshine on her turn, but instead we'll offer an help action to Oh, I had an advantage already. What I got was with the advantage. Athletics? Yeah. 22. 22. Bab, you're able to get over in this.

You immediately begin sinking in this mine cart. Oh, no, you're all grown up. I'm so sure. I'm not. You didn't drown any of the gnomes though. Rounds are like six seconds. They're just underwater. But it is very silly looking and everyone's underwater.

They're trying to threaten you, but their voices are all gurgly. Let's hear that. Oh, look at the blue, blue, blue. Hey, Jimmy. I'm going to be able to get us out of this. Jivelyn, can I get out of this hug? Why are you doing this for free? I give a watery hug to Beverly. Munchan, you luckily have your Beverly Throws a rope to you. You luckily have your Apple Scrumper replica mudboard on you. Yeah.

And you're able to grind the rails and follow along. Yeah, baby. I'm not jumping. That is the gnomes turn. They are going to attempt to stab Beverly and Givalen. They're on water, don't you? While they're underwater. Oh cool.

Stab party. It's just a deepahug. The metal hug. One of them hits both of you guys. Nine damage to you, Givallyn, and eight damage to you, Bev. Both of you guys give me Constitution saving throws. Ooh. Does a...

19? That probably passes. 19 passes. Yeah, don't forget that plus four. 27 then. You guys both pass. Yeah. That is Balnor's turn.

Balnor is going to make an athletics check to jump over. That's a 21 for Balnor. Balnor jumps in and makes us. Come round with us, brother. I mean, father. I don't want to drown. So you guys see on initiative 20, you see that the mine cart tracks are beginning to converge into one. You see a bunch of tunnels are coming together ahead,

but up ahead the track ends and you guys are going too fast to stop. You see the tunnel opens up into a huge cavern. And you guys are going to drop off on initiative one. You do see a way to avoid the falling though. on initiative one, you do see a way to avoid the falling though there is an extremely thick spider web on the top half of the cavern. You basically have to decide by the end of the round to use your movement either to jump up and grab into the spider web or to just fall and see what happens or maybe a feather fall or something. That is Jivalent's turn. You still have the ghost of your sister and a bunch of gnomes. And then you got bad stuff coming out. Oh, you're right, fuck, eh?

What are you gonna do, sis? Probably try to kill you. And then I don't know, fly around the caves. All right, mom dead. Jovelyn. I don't remember which one I am. They're all, they're one of them. I mean, Jorvlin and this jiblin.

You don't have to do this, sis. Go ahead and give me a persuasion check. Oh. Do I make all my checks with advantage in a rich? No. No. Do I add that plus four? No, it's not saving throw.

Fuck this. 18. You said 18. Yes. Wow. She goes, Yeah, you know what? Huh.

Maybe I'll just fuck off. Yes. I think, you know what, sis, I'd really like that. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Hi, all right. All right, we're right in. I would say see you around, but I'm a ghost, and I'll live in a cave now. I'll never see you again, and my life will be better for it. All right, yes. Bev is weeping. She flies off.

Your sister leaves. I'm going to jump up into the arachnid web. Sweet's at the end of the rounds that will happen. That is Moonshine's turn. Oh, it's Moonshine's turn? Yeah. You are grinding on some rails right now doing some sick tricks. Papa is clapping. BEE BEE! And are there a bunch of spiders in the web where JV is about to jump? Go ahead and give me a perception check. What's that? 17. You see that there is one gigantic spider lying in

weight. Ooh. All right. I guess I got a line in mouth that one. Sweet. Wow. This is really add up those cubes. Sorry guys, this is a weird way. Y'all are love to see the cubes come out. I love to see her at the cubes. Not that well, just 20. 20. She did pass her check, so she get half of that. I guess so. Say fuck me.

Say fuck me. I'm what would you like to do at the end of your turn? I'll jump out of JB's jump and I'm jump. Sweet, that is best turn. Okay, I want to do an insight. Does it look like the gnomes are going to try and swim up and jump up onto the spider web too? Sure, go ahead and give me an insight, Jack.

Cool. I'm going to reroll that natural one. Arguably lucky. Arguably lucky, that's a 13 inside? 13. These gnomes don't look like they care whether they live or die as long as they take you to hell with them. We're all going to hell. I want to hug all the gnomes and go over the chasm and at at the last moment, Cass Featherfall on myself and wave goodbye as the gnomes.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh. Yeah. Hell yeah. You pull them all in close. They were already huggling Jivelin. That is the gnomes turned. They're all gonna try to stab you in the sun.

Ha ha ha. Go ahead. Two of them hit. That is the gnome stern. They're all going to try to stab you in the sun. Go ahead. Two of them hit. 15 damage total. Worth it. That is Balnor's turn. Ooh, not 20 from Balnor. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Balnor ends another gnome. That is end of the round. Ballnor, Jivelin and Moonshine jump up into the web and get caught there. You guys are restrained, but you're safe there for the moment. Bev, you jump off, cast Vethrfall on yourself and and just let these gnomes go, and they both go. They all go, woo!

As they fall, several hundred feet to the ground. Legs shatter as soon as they hit the ground. Bang their head super hard and begin spasming on the ground. Dejavu! I guess I just kind of like slowly float to the side of this chasm and like scramble up. Sweet! Yeah Bev, you successfully land on the ground of this cavern. Cool. And yeah, you can start climbing back up

to help these guys with the fight. Yeah. You guys do see back at the top of the initiative on initiative 20, this giant spider begins climbing down towards you and is going to go after Jivelin. Jivelin, you are restrained. Yes, I am.

In the spider, this big terrifying spider. For some reason, I have in my head that Jivelyn would be afraid of big spiders. I am, but they're not quite as scary as my dad. That is a 23 to hit on the first attack. No, I do hate a reckoning, it's quite scary. Hits twice for 18 damage of regular piercing damage and then go ahead and give me a constitution. Am I still in a rage? Is that halft?

Yes, that is halft. Nice. And then this will be poison damage, so go ahead and give me a constitution saving throw. Chivalen, you're not related to the spider, too. No, this would be nice if I was. The spider seems fun compared to my parents. We've got to work on your standards. Just is terrifying monster with it. We've got to make this thing scream. We've got to make this thing scream.

Benham falling from its mandibles. It has a sweet demeanor. That's 12 to save. 12 fails. Jimlin, you take 35 points of damage. Oh, no. Oh, dear. Jimlin is hurt a lot. That is moonshine's turn. I'm a polymorphic.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. All right. And he make a wisdom saving throw. It has a plus zero to wisdom. All right, I'm going to roll in front of the table. This spider needs to roll a 17 or higher. It's got a plus zero to wisdom. One low roll, one low roll, one low roll, one low roll.

Oh, the bar. That's so low. Oh, you see this giant spider queen turns into a pregnant dolphin. I called while I was feeling you could probably do a good dolphin sound. Hey, Chiflin, would you like a new pet? Sure. Yeah, can I specify, I don't want it to plummet, I want it to just get stuck in the webs. Oh yeah, this stuff, the pregnant dolphin is in the web giving birth. Is it new pet, the mom of the child? It's disgusting. They're in the web. What's going on? They're bonded, of course.

You have to take them both. Okay. Right. Then you guys see, on initiative eight, just before Bev's turn, you see two more giant spiders skitter down from the cavern above and you see two more giant spiders skitter down

from the cavern above and begin making their way down the web both towards Jivelin who is stuck there. You see the one hovers over Jivelin mandibles about to bite down. And the other one is skittering to the other side of Jivelin. As these two spiders approach, Bev and Munchin, go ahead and give me perception checks. Cool. Eight.

26. Oh, oh. Oh. Munchin, it is hard to see what's going on because you are also kind of stuck in this web, but you do see the second spider that arrived second. You see that momaw is riding it. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Mima, Mima in giant spider form.

Yes. Pice into the neck of the other spider right before it gets to Jill. Oh. Yeah. Woo! Yeah. Yeah. Yo, yo, hey, it's me.

It's BooneChon. Just to clarify, I didn't polymorph one of our own, right? No, no, my child. That was a giant spider that was trying to kill you. Oh, beans. Oh. She's come back to take me.

She's come back. No, no, this one's good. This is my mother. Polymorphed or wild shaped rather into a spider. Oh, she is. We're on your side. Oh, I killed you before. Yes.

Right. He did some baby-boy back. Mama, me, ma. This is JV on your side. Oh, I killed you before Right You see me ma camera. Me ma is currently eating the other spider just like biting into her turns Horrifying mandibles at JV I'm sorry that I killed you before I didn't realize you were an ally of you did jump down on us and try to attack us with access. When you killed me I was not an ally I was an enemy I was a bad guy so I just did. That was about three hours ago. Was it?

Yeah. You've had a day. I've had a day. I've had quite a day. I had a breakthrough with my mom and dad, as in I broke through their skulls with the ass. Ha ha ha ha. Can we roll to see if the dolphin goes into labor?

The dolphin is in labor, yeah. Oh my god. Why don't you go ahead and roll a D6, see how many dolphins you have. How many babies does a see how many um dolphins that how many babies that's a dolphin after Do dolphins have litters? This one does they just have like one It's just the one everyone's yelling just the one But we're you know what this is a fucking magical world and in my world

Dolphins can have litters Dolphins can have litters. Ha ha. Yeah. Yeah. Beverly, please roll a D6 to see how many dolphins come out. Five. Beautiful. That's enough to...

That's enough for everyone to have a dolphin. Yeah. Yeah. Can I cast like a reverse water breathing on them, like an air breathing? Yes. Can I like twist up my spell and make it so that they can breathe in the air? I mean absolutely yeah. So you guys see, yeah we just got to spray them down. So I just shape, I create water over them.

People in the crowd just yelling out dolphin facts. It's okay. None of it matters. I create water over them. People in the crowd just yelling out dolphin facts. It's okay. None of it matters. Yeah. I would also venture to say you're not experts either. Yeah. So, you all don't know more about dolphins than me. AKA jack shit.

No one could possibly know more dolphins than us. You had no fucking clue that there would be dolphins involved in this spider fight Don't at me. So you guys You guys see me ma finishes off this other spider that was attacking you guys helps you guys get down from the web You guys are able to Ride her back. She gets you guys all the way down to the bottom of the cavern. And you see the rest of the Crick Elves, this giant traveling party of Cricks. Traveled down another tunnel, meet you guys in the cavern. You see Mima comes out of her polymorph and she goes, Munchan, I heard a commotion up ahead, so I flew ahead and I saw you and I saw that you were in trouble,

so I thought it would help. What are you doing out here? She gives you a big hug. I take out the bag of holding and I just dump it. You just dump her on a... Oh my God. He's the... Help our friend.

Hold on. He's wearing such loose-feeding clothing. You know, I think it's how he would have wanted to go. I do You see just ignore the makeup on his face. That was just a fun little experiment It was it was nine days getting here. I think I think this gentleman looks strong hot handsome fine Yes, the underwear is is bit seem will Nothing can be loose on quads like that. I was able to gentle repose his body, but his face is gone.

10 days of decay. Yeah. You see, Mima begins the reincarnation ritual. She sits cross-legged and places a bowl of crick water next to her. You see she holds her hand over it. It begins boiling. The crick of vapors filling the air. She enters a trance. And how would you guys like to help with the ritual? Ooh. Pop the bib, tweak the nipple. LAUGHTER

My lower... My lower, I feel you're so close. LAUGHTER I have two. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER Is that what you're looking for? Yeah, as you tweak your nipples,

you see a pop-up, next year does the same and a spectral pop-up appears and begins doing the same thing. Beverly puts on the blindfold of Pallor, which is something he lies about, which is not an actual thing. He just doesn't want to look at Moonchens tits. Why must I be shamed? I'm just part of my religion. That's just what it is. You gotta wear the blindfold. You know, you have to see to batting. You have nipples. I've seen your nipples.

I try not to show them. They're kind of big. They're oddly big for my body. They're little nipples. I was gonna say, kid, we were gonna take you to a doctor to get that shut down. I didn't want to say anything because I'm new, but it's mostly nipple. Yeah.

Just kind of popping out from under the breastplate. It is. It's just wide ariola's bud. I didn't know why they're so big and swollen. I just don't get it. Yeah. I got no ass, but big nips. We got big nips, bud.

I pray to pull over every night to reduce my nips. And your nips are fine the way they are, man. Thanks, Dad. I do an interpretive dance. You just begin freaking out. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Beverly, you do an extremely herky jerky sweaty team dance as you freak the fuck out.

I think he has a Rio Llan is Nick. Oh, really? Yeah, they crawl up high on him. It's a halfling disorder. Jivelin, would you like to do anything? Sure. They crawl up high on him. It's a halfling disorder. Jivelyn, would you like to do anything? Sure. I pull out my area, and I nissed my baby dolphin.

Jivelyn, you begin breastfeeding a dolphin. Oh, yeah, yees. Yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, yees, ha, You guys see that you are brought into Mima's trance. You see that the colors of the world around you begin to bleed together until you find yourself in a strange in-between world, which you recognize as being this area of the material plane that Malora is able to walk. And you do see this strange, fake creature. The goddess Melora appears to you, a standing next to the ghostly form of hard, one-shore foot. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Hey, guys, how's it going? Why are you naked? Oh. Oh, yeah, you're welcome. Ha. Ha. Bev takes in the show.

No pillow or blindfolds, no, huh? Fell off. You see, Malora goes, now, usually I would be happy to help one of my followers in this situation, but in this case, you just handed someone an axe and told them to kill you. And then they killed you. I can't give them the opportunity if I had done anything wrong. In retrospect, it was not smart before of. In the moment though, you could kind of see

like a glimmer of honor. There is courage in stupidity. Yeah. She nods deeply. All right, well, I can try to find a spirit that would be willing to loan you their body, but I don't think too many are going to be sympathetic to your cause. So you'll have to stick with whatever you get. Hey, this isn't canon, that's absolutely fine. So guys, Kritsberg, here's how this is going to work.

Hard one is going to get to roll the reincarnate table three times, and then I am going to check the potential races that he could come back as Read them off to you guys and the audience will decide Who he comes back at Actually, you know what? Instead of hard one rolling the D100 We have someone we would like to call up who is really the reason we're all year in Kripsburg. Our good friend, Chris H.

Chris H. Chris H here. Chris H. Oh! Chris H is right here. Chris H is coming up. Chris H made a PowerPoint presentation telling us to come to Pittsburgh and it was so funny and great that we knew we had to come and that's really what kicked out

This whole nannier fly effector, so thank you Chris H Hard ones fate is in your hands You can go ahead and roll that here and I will pull up the table and see what our options are roll it fucking good All right That is a 61 that is a halfling. Yeah! Hi! Very nice, but Chris,

you're gonna have to step at the fuck up and quick. Calu-calais! Calu-calais! Calu-okay. That is a 22, that is a dark elf. Ooh. Ooh. Okay. Sexy.

And that is a 56, that is a half-elf. Yeah. Yeah. I tell you what. I tell you what. Not a two-year-old. Let's go ahead, you know what, let's go in reverse order, because I kind

of have a way I want this to go. But I'll let you guys decide. First off, give it up for Chris Apes, thank you so much Chris. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Melora has found a willing donor that is willing to help hard one and his cause. Let's find out who that is. If you would like hard one to come back as a half-elf,

please give it up. You're not allowed to say silence. Someone said silence and that made everyone laugh. That's not much of a cheer. I'm going to need to hear clapping. How tough it is. Please clap if you would like hard one to come back as a dark elf. Okay.

All right. All Okay. All right. All right. I would say the applause, oh, meters, is that about a five out of ten? Yeah, that was a, that was a jet bush amount of applause. Please clap. Um, finally, please clap if you would like. Hard one, Shorefoot, the bastard of the mountain, six foot, six of Muscle and Beer.

Pride of the Dwarf and Edge. Pride of the Dwarf and Edge. The Off-Dead. The Off-Dead. That is dead. To come back as a half-ling that's an inch shorter than Beverly. I'm fuck you pencil, baby Hard one I know I want you here hard one you hear a voice in your head go

Well hey, gay My name is my name is Jackson Pebblepot. I'm one of the original Patriarchs of the Pebblepot family. I was shot in the back while fleeing. While the rest of the troops and various scats, I was responsible for, stayed in thought. But you know what? Heck, you seem like a good guy. I'm a little roly-poly and I'm a little bit shorter than Beverly,

but I feel like you'll make great use of this body. So what do you say, gang? Woo! Woo! Woo! So reincarnation has to happen on a willing body, right? You could just choose to die if you would like. I reach out my hand and I shake this Pebble Pot's palm and then I toss him over my shoulder and I say,

Moonshan, Bev, I gotta be honest, I always wanted to go out to capitated. I knew it, I knew it. And that's where we'll end our session! Thank you so much, Gritzman! Thank you! It's the end of the show, everybody, and that means we need to shout out our benevolent Council of Elders. Y'all so good to us! Starting with Brad D, the only Pepple Pot that isn't Craven.

If Brad D had offered hard one his body, hard one would have been honored to take it. Next up, J Loma 72 aka Steelbreaker. Hard one's gym inspiration, when headless hard one was super tense and vascular, he was channeling Steelbreaker. Dylan B, a so-called sword wielding wizard surrounded by a floating army of blades at all times. Dylan B has beheaded 14 more people than Jaina Bronzebeard this week and it's only Thursday. Danny P. Bohumia's resident artist painted hard ones senior portrait at the

Dwarf and Edge. Danny will have to amend the portrait to properly reflect hard ones current lack of a head. Spencer Casper who patron elder of liations, ale maker to gods, and here is a Bahumia alike. Once Brutabir, so hoppied, cast to jump on Boundor. Beardman Dan, the longest beard and all of Bahumia. Beardman Dan's beard is so long that the boobs could have ridden it to Mimon instead of taking the minecart. Hermes W, the bad king, or as Jivelin would say, the Bug King.

Spartus, Julem's dad's best friend who was only emotionally cruel to Javie. Spartus was the best role model Jivelin ever had. Adam R. The R-rated assassin, Adam learned all of their rude one-liners that they use while killing by observing Jivelin's family at Thanksgiving. Danielle, the Dastardly Dame, Danielle is so dastardly she goes to Jivelin's family events and brings up politics to stir the pot even more. QC, AK, Hal Doh Frostback, MVP of the Giant Wars, Critt and the SS Stormborn and fought alongside

Elias and Red. Hal Doh was a serious party dude and spent the whole time drunk. He straight up doesn't remember the Giant Wars. Danielle, you, AK, Multifor, the many faced magician. Multifor actually bought VIP tickets to our Pittsburgh show for each of their many faces Thanks for the support multiple Jordan DJ legendary DJ of the realm Jordan DJ fellow us on tour and kept us super hyped with pregame cup jams Jeffrey as lord of the fjord born in the sword and buddy of cord Jeff and cord like to go one for one on fireball shots and get wild.

Cutter W, a high-off dandy turned quick bark attack. Cutter has gotten right to work, setting up stumps and glade home after the elves were united. John S. A. Gay, shubbered the mushroom. Shubber is also at the Astral Keep War Council, but is so little and cute that nobody can see or hear him. Ryan M. Hardwan's Ram, Ryan Sol was cursed when he was eaten by Vampire Hardwan and now Ryan serves as ill-seds, faithful, steed, waiting for the day he can return

the favor and eat his former master. Elena C. The most professional Crick-Alph in history keeps all their brown leaves in a rough IRA and showers by weekly. Michael McD, head mixologist at the Blumana Inn, created a milk-themed cocktail for the chosen invaders called a white frost dwarf. Andrew M. A known, a gnome who spent years at Jolier getting their T.E. to perfect pitch. Victor T. Boundersboy, whose loving dad was ripped from his family and transported to another world despite fan theories. Victor is not from World War I. They're from World War II.

Justin I, the fastest, Crick Elf in history. That might be because they're constantly setting fires and trying to get away. Jacob C. Abard down at the Hungary Trout tavern who studied under Rusty, Jacob has been fiddling and Rusty's honor ever since the boobs left. Elena M. The greatest detective in crackwater. 99% of the time, the nooms did it. McPox, the amazing cod master who programmed our website, also programmed the Frostwin Iron Dwarfs and provided their trademark soothing robot voice.

Earl and Kathleen L. Two married iron dwarfs who found love despite being cold, emotionless robots. Huh? Jive G, the coolest kid in the green team, Jive, it makes a gwayne look like beeferly. Jive G, a jock ostrich, the coolest ostrich in the green teens, Jive makes a gwayne look like beeferly. Jostritch, a jock ostrich, the coolest ostrich in the green teens. Also, the only ostrich in the green teens. Damn you are, Ram Daniels evil twin, currently working with Ryan to get revenge on the band of boobs and Daniels mortal enemy, Ram Daniel.

Destincy, the only green teen with more patches than Beverly. Destin's patch sash is twice as long as Beardman Dan's beard. Devin B, the bodega lord, gives players an extra d8 of inspiration by simply saying how's it go and boss whenever they enter the store. Sergio Salos are Salomon Sakaras, they sequaniate 7th of his name, a sexy Peruvian snake folk with sweet snake patterns on his skin. Sergio has practically no weaknesses, but can only regain spell slots after sleeping under a heat lamp for 12 hours every night.

Michael L. Jivelland's cousin, who hasn't actually seen Jivelland since the last family reunion over 10 years ago, but still absolutely hates his guts. Sam H. Alonus' dealer has been really getting into micro dosing, which is when you take drugs that make you shrink into the size of a mouse. It's a real trip. Traylee, the cray-fay who loves Timothy Shalame, what can we say? Traylee knows Talon when she sees it. Aaron G. Master of the banishment spell. Aaron works for the nomish mafia and is very good at making problems. Disappear. Teehee! Jory S. of Jack Twizz or Jory's spell book weighs 200 pounds and the familiar is just a massive

truck tire they lug around Bahumia. Alucard, a reverse Dracula, unlike normal vampires, Alucard can enter your house whenever they want and will only leave if you ask nicely or once they've eaten all your pup darts. Baby Doc, the only doctor that ever performed their own C-section was born with a silver stethoscope in their mouth because they were sucking on it while performing surgery. Adam H. The punk monk moves swiftly through the battlefield as if they were thrashing in a mosh pit. Anyone who approaches Adam takes an automatic 2D6 of elbow damage. Ryan Hardwan's Ram accompanied the cold dance to the Astro

Keep to warn the council about a third thick, quadded evil now threatening the world of Bahumia. Big Buck pregnant elk moonshines Elkin baby. While most infant elks take time getting used to their legs, Big Buck was born able to do a perfect line dance to the song Cotton Ijo. Richard X Mockinga introduced the Crick to ice cream which freaked them the fuck out. Why is this water so thick? You don't make no sense. Several cooters were heard screaming.

Troy McZee, a magical locksmith who specializes in rescuing wizards that messed up while casting stone shape, has only had to amputate twice. Cannibalistic Cthulhu, and they're not eating fellow elder gods. Cthulhu loves to slurp down a big bowl of miso flavored star spawn, ramen spawn. Sam L runs a home for NPCs that adventuring parties got tired of an abandoned during their quest. So if your group needs a quirky goblin or a silly bandit that the DM pulled out of their ass last minute, go give Sam out a visit. Dom are a college of journalism bar. Dom spells grow stronger, depending on how many credible sources can vouch for the validity of their destructive power.

Josh S. The cyborg version of Josh the Cobald has liquid metal skin, like the T1000 from Terminator, but for some reason it's super sticky just to heads up. Let's break Demetri owner of Dorgers Big Borgher, currently running him anopoly Peel-Off game, where the top prizes are a hundred platinum, a lifetime supply of Borgher's, and a set of curse armor that transforms the wearer into a dragon made of meat. Caleb Storm, Cupbearer and Cords Great Hall, got the job after the last Cupbearer committed a partyfell so grave that nearly tore the entire celestial planet's thunder. Nicholas C has starred in every single movie ever made in Bohumian, Trittyville, was Committed a partyfell so grave that nearly tore the entire celestial planet's thunder.

Nicholas C has starred in every single movie ever made in Bohumian Tritivale, was asked to play Jens Lindell in an upcoming docu-jama but turned down when they found out it wouldn't air on crackle. Mike H. a Bohumian coal miner who is fed up with the adventurers stealing their cards to go on high-speed chases through haunted tunnels. Put your cards back after you use them gang, it's common cart-assie. Matthew A. in Extremely Shallow, deep-nome.

Matthew deals huge amounts of psychic damage by insulting people's physical appearance. It's not Matt's fault though, they're too small to punch up. Samuel B. A druid who exclusively uses the infestation spell, known throughout Bohumia as the exterminator. Till for G, author of the hit children's book and movie, Elf Gargo's punch also created the beloved tie-in breakfast cereal, Elf Gargo's crunch. Colton B, a barbarian whose family loves each other very much.

The only thing that gets them in a rage is when there's no parking spaces left at church. Golly! Yes, Christian T wrote the lyrics for the turbo Timmy Tunis song that cut off their hands because they knew they'd never make anything so beautiful ever again. Gage M, the last green teen left in Galatoron. Still sings, I pledge allegiance to the boy every morning, but has to whisper so the chosen don't hear them. Aaron C, the homeless man that was used by the band of boobs to distract the chosen back in Galatoron, is now the head of an elite force of combat operatives that infiltrates the chosen base and spikes their

milk with hot sauce, Bahumia thanks you for your service, Aaron. L&D, the fiercest woman in Bahumia, doesn't even flinch when their minecart is heading for a spiderweb. TJM, the Nome Barbarian, like JV, TJ's family keeps them in a constant rage, but unlike JV, they're into it, freaky. RPKB, R2D2's less helpful cousin. Also hangs out with a C3PO, but in Bahumia, C3PO is just a calculator watch. Taylor S, aka Trash the Traveler, just bought a two-week minecart rail pass that lets them travel in and through any of Bahumia's most popular minds. Anime intellect recently translated a bunch of graphic scrolls into minor illusions and businesses going great.

Zolo-Dolo, Bohumi and rapper who keeps it PG, they never curse when they talk about snorting arcane. Joshua C in operatic Bard who can shatter their enemies armor by hitting a certain active. It's great in battle, but horrifying in concert. Larissa J. The Pasta Monk who taught Mama the subtle art of biting their enemies' jugulars out. Dylan CM, the wannabe DM. Dylan's DM screen is actually a sneeze guard, because their NPCs are just so spicy.

Kelvin Nudel is the Pasta Elemental. It's a little known fact that all of Pappa's bowties are actually just squid ink dipped far-f-f-lay. I don't know what to say it. Be money, Boundoors, hip-hop alter ego, has been really popular on SoundCloud. Which in Bohumia is a sentient cloud that's been awakened by a druid. Jay and Noam was really good at spitting poison darts, but only enjoys the sport and technique of it scored first place in the Noam Olympics. Heartless master, heartless, it's true, but at least they sport and technique of its scored first place in the Nome Olympics. Heartless master.

Heartless, it's true, but at least they aren't headless like hard ones. C.C. Lilo, a skyscraper who just went electric and baby they're getting some good mileage. Paul B. Acherot's former assistant. Their first job out of hell, they actually interned for a pebble pot. It was so discouraging. They almost went back to hell. Barnes and Ador, another name for Jensland L. Dells I bedroom apartment ever since Keith started staying overnight.

Eric G. A Suck You Buy, who's down on their Lucky Buy, had to move back in with their parents. Do you know how hard it is to lure unsuspecting sexual partners back to your parents' basement? Jackalope Audity, the drummer for Pender Green's favorite new metal band, Ratnuts. If anyone had bothered to turn the radio on in the mine cart, they would have discovered there's only one radio station and it plays Ratnuts exclusively. Zach C made the mistake of serving the chosen a bunch of wings and has been exiled from Galatoron. Aiden R, a Bard gnome who does the Jensland Elspending Swords burlesque, a huge hit at Bachelorette parties. L.E.K, the feathered dresser who cuts Riva's feathers, has heard all about hard one. Luke H and Ezri Stylist who opened a wimple shop across the street from Reneas and is

absolutely stolen all of Rene's best customers. I'm hopeless, a down on their luck adventurer. Wrote the date of the wizard turnie down wrong and literally just arrived in Glade home. Bummer. Timmy R, the fisherman wizard who first enchanted Atuna with the gift of song considers it a curse and lives with what they did every day. Alex M. A storm sorcerer for hire who will ruin your ex's wedding with a well-timed

sleet storm. Aaron RS, a sunflower giant gardener in the Feywild. Sunflower giants are actually a really resilient plan and popular in many port side gardens. Lucas B. A half-orc centaur who is so jacked, T-shirts look like tank tops and tank tops look like Dickies. Rubin A. The farmer who bred all of the Allas Most prized cattle currently plotting an assassination attempt to via a poison to Brandy Alexander. Jordan L. The greatest tuba player in Bohumia, currently hiding out from Theola, who is desperately trying to recruit him for her Symphonic Orchestra. Laura S. JV's second cousin who loudly expressed this is kind of fucked up about what they were doing to Jivelin on more than one occasion.

Jay Parker the first player to hit a so so sick trick playing the giant shredder game at Smuggler's Bounty. Jeff also holds a record for beefing it on literally ever other games. Austin C. The Jester May, Jocelyn is blamed just about every time someone's pants fall down, but sometimes people just wear loose pants and Austin didn't do shit. Austin MR aka the butcher known as bone saw. Not to be confused with the amateur surgeon known as saw bones. Seriously, just don't confuse them. Just a pissed off, Triss, aka touch it in a pinch. Alonus has been known to smoke dry at leaves to just about no effect. Kaylee Elise, the honey queen with a heart of gold, Kaylee recently had be wings sewn on their

back so they can take their final form as queen of the hive. Dave J aka bailing the bar to traveling bar the fellas that been of Ben and boobs around singing tales of their exploits was about to write a song about the ol' being a jerk, but then oh shit, she's right there. Dev and W. Rennes 4th cousin who only has a claim to a fraction of their family's wealth but is still in line to be the 4th richest person in Bohumia. Shinowa B. Obsidian's vocal coach has worked with Obsidian for years to craft their beautiful sing song. Jared E, a nomish rogue who stealth so hard they lost themselves, is waiting to be discovered

by someone. Anyone, please, can anyone hear me? Brian, Pentecost's former roommate moved out when Pendergreens offered to pay the full rent as long as Brian would just euro herring out with me more. Persephone, a hot tub designer who the dwarven daddies have commissioned to make a portable hot tub balknour can keep in the bag. Joseph M. The Half-Work Bard is, Joseph attended Bohumi's Bard College of Aller, but flunked out only to make a breakthrough album, the Bard College dropout, it sounds a lot like Kanye's album. Reese and S a star spawn who lives in your lawn. That's right. Your lawn. lawn spawn. Jackie nutritionist hard one has enlisted to help them bulk up. Most of their meetings

are Jackie trying to make a diet plan for hard one while hard one cries a lot. Haley once out drink, blavin in a trinnevillian tavern, and then promptly died of alcohol poisoning. R.I.B. Haley, you did what no one else could do. Eric and Andrea B, an adventurer duo who are celebrating 11 years of marriage, feeling a little guilty that the bear prints himself DJed their after party. Steven C. Ill said's lesser known, much cooler kid, who doesn't really give a shit about what their dad wants and is following their passion of baking decorative cakes in Esri. Diane W. and Elvin fight her whose nails are so long they use them instead of swords

it's terrifying to get stabbed by Diane because it hurts and it's also so so so gross. Maxwell C. A rebellious chosen officer who plays by their own rules. Maxwell was offered wings and they said, yeah, but only if they're buffalo style, LOL. Carbureaux, Chapel Hill FPV, a mage with road rage, constantly uses mage and flip off other drivers and also one time magic missled someone who cut them off. Mike K, a tiefling who combs their horns, the opposite of Maveris. Kind of like an early beaver thing where they just brush their horns over their forehead.

Anyway, it's cute as hell. Michael M. a Bohomian orthodontist on a quest to finally remove Beverly's braces, only when they see how neglectful Beverly has been with his rubber bands, Michael will absolutely give Beverly headgear. Omri M. founded the first Trinavillion chapter of the green teens. Niaq is volunteering as a counselor and has offered to host the Jamboreen and Jens' apartment. Kaelom L. a custodian at the Glade Home Water Park is a disgusting job that they could

pay six figures in brown leaves because that's the kind of leader Mama is. P.J.W.A.G. Charo Arcadius, a tiefling warlock whose tail has a mind of its own. So much so that Charo's tail is enrolled at the Glade Home Wizard Academy and PJs forced to follow it to class, even though they're not interested. Scott D. Norwalk's friend who is constantly trying to convince Norwalk to be less thirsty on Instagram, dude, we can see what you comment, it's public. Andrew A. runs a convenience store in Trinnyvale.

Jens is not allowed to shop there because he has consistently abused the take of Penny Leba Penny dish. Jake L. An adventurer who's starting gear included 1 million platinum, kind of like Ren, only Jake deserved it. No Thar, a prodigy ranger who has mastered the Trinivalean art of jam skating. Nayak has vowed to, oh,iaq slipped in Marmalade again. And that's it for this week. Thank you guys so much for listening.

You can head on over to patreon.com slash nadpod. Listen to our short rest. We'll be back next week with another episode. Thank you to our listeners and thank you to our council of elders. Goodbye. That was a hate gun podcast. That was a Hatgun podcast.