Not Another D&D Podcast - Pathfinder 2-Shot: Ballad of the Twin Flames (Part 2)

Episode Date: June 7, 2024

Our Heroes (AKA "The Twin Flames") delve deeper beneath Otari in order to discover the true nature of the menace that plagues it! Hellbiscuit swings for the seats, Krudbert's faith is rewarded and Cinnamon embraces a new role as the 2-Crew's Pathfinder Perusal continues! CREDITSMixing and Sound Design - Daniel Ramos (@Schubirds on Twitter & @Dr.Schubird on IG)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome back to Otari everyone. Otari. Otari. Otari. Auto parts. So good. Folks, I am your game master, AKA game uncle,

AKA gonkle, Caldwell Tanner. And I am so happy to be joined by these lovely players. First up, we've got Jay Kerwitz. Who are you playing? Oh shit, do we do rhymes? All in on cinnamon. This is hell biscuit. Oh, okay.

Oh, oh, oh, oh no. And next up we've got Brian Murphy. Servant of a grim lord and a wizard. Credbert. It's me, Credbert. Wonderful, you have the strained condition from that intro. Yeah. And lastly we've got Emily Axford.

Feeling shook that my father's a crook I mean Ezra in the wise Ezra in the wise Fuck And Ezra in the wise I'm the wise I'm measuring the wise When did you find out that your dad was a criminal was this recently or was it like 30 years ago? It's uh, it was really recently It was like 30 years ago? It was uh it was really recently. Okay. It was like 10 years ago. Okay wow. That's fresh. Okay yeah. You would have had time to process but okay you know what we're gonna get into that we're gonna get into a lot to process we're gonna get into that we're gonna get into a fight with some kobolds in just a second here, but before that, how about a quick recap?

Let's do it! Yay! Okay. Right on! So, um, our story began outside the Otari fishery, where our three heroes, Hellbiscuit, the ex-logger who absconded with a tree named Edgar, Crudbert, the goblin cleric of Firashtu who was kicked out of his cult and into the ocean. Yeah. And of course, Cinnamon, the 40-year-old first-level wizard student

who's really hung up on his father's betrayal. No, not an apprentice. We literally have to say that I reached out to a lot of wizards. None would take me as an apprentice. So I'm not technically an apprentice except for to myself. Which you get, it's inspirational. That's all that really matters Your own master and your own apprentice at the same time right So anyway you three met up with the halfling fish merchant Tamalee Tandervale

Tamalee explained that something was lurking in the basement of her business and has been stealing all her fish. She said she'd give you 10 gold each to find out what it was and eliminate it. And so, after a brief bout of haggling, you managed to walk away with 5 gold up top as well as a flagon of beer to share. You then began inspecting the basement. Cinnamon searched through inventory records to see if the books had been cooked or altered.

Yeah, I know, I know a cooked book. Ha ha ha. Hellbiscuit investigated the broken barrels of fish. Cooked book? What, did my father write it? I'm gonna go on. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Hellbiscuit, you're such a follower. That was genuinely funny. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. And Crudberg came face to face with a pack of giant snarling rats. After sniffing their breath, Crudbert determined the rats might not be solely to blame for

stealing all the fish. And so you three dispatched them quickly, and then proceeded down the hall accompanied by one minute samples of various 90 songs, courtesy of Cinnamon's musical accompaniment spell. You then encountered a large cliff. Using his athletic background, Hellbiscuit helped Cinnamon descend but was unable to extend the courtesy to Crudbert, who plummeted to the depths below. At the bottom you found footprints that you speculated could belong to either small, reptilian humanoids or a bunch of people carrying snakes. You decided to follow the tracks and found yourselves in the web-covered lair of a giant spider.

Once again, Hellbiscuit did his best to help his two comrades avoid getting tangled in the webbing, but without much luck. Sensing a disturbance in its web, the spider emerged and attacked. Crudbert demoralized the spider by highlighting its lack of friends. Cinnamon blasted the spider with brine, and Hellbiscuit, empowered by Cinnamon's newfound acceptance of him, landed a critical briny blow on the oversized arachnid. Now, baptized in the blood of battle,

the three twin flames made their way to a large circular doorway, over which you found the symbols of the four gods of Artea. Abathas, the father of knowledge, Gosrog, the Wildmother, Linaire, the Skyborne Grace, and Farash II, the Grimstone Lord aka Crudbert's god of choice. Yeah. Crudbert sensed magic deep below and so you three walked down the stairs beyond the doorway. At the bottom you were met with a large wooden barricade, which Cinnamon and Hellbiscuit quickly and loudly destroyed.

Hellbiscuit then kicked the door wide open, revealing a pack of kobolds. Their leader, a blue kobold with magic crackling off her claws, pointed at you and shouted, get them, attack the intruders! And that is where we are now. Oh geez, you never interrupt a ritual. It's okay, we're just looking for a bunch of guys holding snakes.

Okay, we are in this room. You see the kobolds preparing to attack. Why doesn't everybody roll initiative? Okay. Ooh, 16 for Hellbiscuit. Okay. 15 right. Okay. Ooh, 16 for Hellbiscuit. Okay. 15 for Cinnamon. 19.

Okay, let me set the scene for you real quick. So you see that you're in this large chamber, that it looks like the Cobalts have been using as kind of a makeshift Warren. They've been sleeping here. You see that it has been prepared against intruders a little bit. There's a table that's been turned over on one

side to provide cover. You see some like bookshelves turned over on the other farther in the back, you can just make out this large gaping pit, which sits in front of a carved tunnel leading further in to the second level of caves. When everybody give me a perception check real quick? Yeah. Oh yeah? It seems like a freaking party. 12, 18, 13. You don't notice much beyond that.

You can kind of just make out like a statue and like a plaque against the back wall, but nothing else really. Okay. So basically to recap, you've got four kobolds in here. You see one big blue kobold that's got like crackling magic coming off of her fingers. One that's kind of like laden with gear and then two kobolds that look more like standard warriors and they're all preparing to attack you. First up you see the one laden with gear goes. She points at you and says like, oh you fuckers are absolutely toast. You're 100% fucked!

I'm Trapmaster Kathy and I'm gonna kick your ass! Wow. Wait, this is kind of my vibe! Maybe we can work something out! You can't just come in here and say it's your vibe! This is our vibe! No, you didn't invent the vibe, the vibe's around! The vibe is not ethereal like that!

We control the vibe! Everybody loves chillin' in a war and with big holes in it. You sacrifice each other. You need to chill out. You need to stay in one place and think about it and that's what I make you do with my goddamn traps. Wait, there's a fucking, the one guy kicked in the goddamn door. I said not to kick in the door.

There's no way I'm the first to get attacked. I barely kicked anything. I just put my foot up and the door fell over. He kicked the fucking door. Are you serious? Wait, we haven't even engaged yet. I was testing out the strength of the door. I was making sure your door was locked So you had good game in hot? Yeah, yeah, no, but like desperate, okay

Yeah, like he came in hot but like you're in here like dictating the vibe and that is absolutely counter to what? We're trying to do the opposite of dictating the vibe and that is absolutely counter to what we're trying to do. Kind of the opposite of dictating the vibe but yeah cool. Okay, I'm gonna sacrifice you instead. Alright. Yeah, you guys are gonna go to hell. Sorry about the door. You just shut the fuck up. I'm gonna do a thing real quick. Yeah, we'll see.

Um, Trapmaster Cathy is going to spend all three of her actions laying a little trap. You see she kicks up a bunch of dust and starts scurrying around on the ground. You can't really make out what she's doing. She's laying a trap. Wait, dust? That's my thing. You can't, again, you're just trying to like dictate. You're trying to make an entire thing your thing. I also like dust.

Yeah, I get it. All right, so that's Trapmaster Cathy's turn. She just spins a turn laying a trap. And then that is going to be, do, do, do, Crudbert's turn. Cool, yeah. Fuck everyone. I heal myself.

Uh, for 16 life. And then I'll use my last action to raise a shield. So I'll put my shield up. Okay, nice. And that is going to be Hellbiscuit's turn. Damn, why are you such a coward? I'm just a coward you go do it help us again. No, I'm also scared. Yeah, it's part of some greater master plan He's the fighter go fucking fight, dude. I feel like he's just afraid of the trap masters trap

Go ahead help us get everything seems cool in there. Yeah, man. Are you fucking scared? You scared of my goddamn traps get over here? No, that's I'm not scared of shit. I kicked in the door No one remembers that you just brought it up before I'm actually mad at both of you. Yeah fucked up our door, dude Why'd you do that? Fuck it up? It was barely locked. I didn't kick it that hard. I'm gonna attack Oh, no, I'm not I'm to avoid the traps that trap master Kathy laid. I'm going to go for one of the other cobalt. Cool. Okay. Yeah. So you've got like trap master Kathy in the back.

There's this big like pit that she and this like blue cobalt are standing near. And then you see there's two cobalts kind of hiding on either side. One's hiding behind this table and one is hiding behind this bookshelf. You want to go for one of those? Yeah, I'm going to go.

I'll do table. Okay, nice. Yeah. Headed for the table. Timmy table. The guy behind the bookshelf looks all right. I love reading. That's cool.

I'm cultured with a K. Do I need to use an action to get to this guy? Yeah, you need to stride over. But once you're there, you can do two attacks. All right, I'll do two attacks. 19 for the first attack. Hits. Okay, then minus five. That's not going to do it. That's only a 10 for the second. Okay, yeah, that one misses, but you managed to get one hit in. Oh, man, that's only six damage. You slice into Timmy table over here. He looks fucking hurt. He did not like that. He was hiding behind the table for a reason.

Ow, what the fuck man? Join us. Okay. What's your deal? I don't know yet. I do the same kind of shit you guys do. Do weird rituals in the dark. Yeah. That's what I was saying. Okay. You know what? Maybe it's the fact that I'm losing a lot of blood, but you're making a lot of sense. Well, now I'm just kind of have blood, but you're making a lot of sense. Well, now I'm just gonna have blood loss

now that I see that you're bleeding, so I might kill you, but the other guys, if they wanna join, that's fine. Don't do that. Yeah, we'll see. Is there anything else you can do in your turn, Hillbasket? No, that's all three of my actions.

Nice, Cinnamon, that's you. Cinnamon is gonna use Gritty Wheeze. Okay. Cinnamon is gonna use gritty wheeze. Okay. I'm gonna widen the spell so that instead of a 15 foot cone, it's a 20 foot cone. Shit, okay. So I think I can probably get all three of the guys maybe.

Yeah, with a 20 foot cone, I'll say you can kind of like angle it left or right. You're definitely gonna be able to get the two in the back. I can only get two, okay. You can get three. You're definitely going to be able to get the two in the back. I can only get two? Okay. You can get three. You can get the one behind the table or the one behind the bookshelf, and then the two in the back. Okay, cool. I'll go for the table guy.

Okay. And then the two in the back. So they need to do a fortitude. I'm going to chug a bunch of spices and wheeze them out. Cinnamon challenge. That doesn't seem very wizardly. spices and wheeze them out. Ah! Ah! Cinnamon challenge! Ah! That doesn't seem very wizardly. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

I'm a spice wizard. Ha ha ha ha. Okay. Oh, so they do have fortitudes, Dave. Fortitudes, all right. Timmy Table, what does he need to beat? 17. 17.

You got a 23, so he passes. Okay, so that's a success. Still take half damage. Trappin' Kathy gets an 18. Pass. And then Zol'Gran, the Mage leader, gets a 21. Okay, so they all pass, but they do still take half damage.

Great. Four bludgeoning damage. Bludgeoning. To each of them. Because this is a gritty wheeze. That's hardened cinnamon. There's a lot of chunks in my wheeze. It chafes, it really chafes. That's a thick wheeze. That's hardened cinnamon. There's a lot of chunks in my wheeze. It chafes, it really chafes. That's a thick wheeze. And then I'm going to take cover with my final action.

Yeah, I'm gonna take cover. I'm gonna do some, I'm gonna take some cover. I'll say you can like crouch behind the door that has been blown off us hinges. Great. Great sound, cinnamon. So cinnamon, you crouch behind the door so quickly you don't even notice that you absolutely obliterate the cobalt behind the table. Is everything okay out there? I just needed to take a crouch. He was on our side, I think. Really?

Really? You were going to take him out though? Oh shit, okay. Awesome. So Cinnamon, you obliterate Timmy Table. Yeah, with my wheeze. Hellbiscuit watches. Feel the breeze of my wheeze.

Hellbiscuit, you watch as this thick, sandy breath just strips the skin off of this kobold. Damn, that was spicy. I know, yeah, yeah. As you get older, your breath is more like a crypt keeper's kind of breath, you know? You're not that old. That might happen to me next year.

Yeah, it should happen to you next year. I'm telling you, 40's coming for you like a Mack truck. Ha ha ha ha. Awesome. Oh, actually, I forgot something. Hellbiscuit, can you roll a perception check for me? You got it. 21. 21, oh shit, okay.

You can see that there was a trap hidden right next to the table. There are some traps hidden in this chamber by Trap and Kathy, but you have managed to spot one with your perception check. So- Oh shit! I convey this to everybody. Yeah, yeah, yeah, There's a trap there.

Now everyone can avoid that. Perfect. I also just realized that Widen spell, which is like, I guess a wizard feat or something, it takes an action. So I take back my cover. Oh, okay. So I don't take cover.

Great. I'm out in the open. You just lie down on the door. You're not hiding behind anything, Cinnamon. No, I suddenly haven't had a taste of courage. It tastes like my gritty wheeze. There was nothing more courageous than that wheeze, Cinnamon.

I mean, Esrin. Yeah, Esrin the Wise. Not Esrin the Wheeze. Don't start that nickname, OK? It's kind of sticking. Now it is the Cobalt Warriors turn. Let's see. One of them has been destroyed,

but Billy Bookshelf still exists. Oh no. He puts down the book he was reading. Says, oh, I was just getting to the best part. And then he's going to- What part? What book are you reading? I'm reading Moby Dick.

Really? What's your favorite part of Moby Dick? What part? What's the best part of Moby Really? What's your favorite part of Moby Dick? What part? What's the best part of Moby Dick? What's the awesome part of Moby Dick? I like it when he sees the whale and he's like, oh, oh God, I'm gonna get you if I can hate you whale.

He does gotta say that. Just sucks. Just sucks up. Yeah, I've never read it. I've never read it. You should finish the book. We don't care about you. Don't fight us.

Yeah, honestly, if you wanna finish the book, it's fine. Join us! No, no, it's... I... I... You know, I can't read with all this distraction going on. Whatever this ritual is, bro. I was reading porn! Okay? It was porn. Oh! Yeah! I read porn all the time! It was just a big book of porn. That's cool.

I hollowed out Moby Dick and I filled it with porno. Dude, that's awesome! I can't really abide that. I'm more of a chivalric lover. Really? Okay. Alright. I'm really sad because you guys seem awesome.

Yeah, no. We're not a party. You guys try to summon like an undead god or something because we're in. Oh, I can't tell you. Zul'Gran'll get mad at me. Okay. Her! He points to the blue kobold, preparing a spell. If she dies, will you tell us?

Absolutely. I don't keep him alive. Can I kill your friend? He points to Hellbiscuit. Yes. No! No! That's my son. Okay. She knows and only one yes. I'm your what? No, that's my son It's only you're younger than you son shut up

Okay Listen, I didn't tell you kind of about the way operates in it If you care about how this kid is safety at all You can't love him this much more than me, because I'm known to kind of go off. Really? Yeah. Is there something about your origin story you didn't tell us? I think I kind of told you everything.

You did, okay, okay. Okay, okay, okay. Well, I have forehead to forehead. You're my son too. Oh, fuck. God head to four head. You're my son too. Oh, fuck. God, that looks good. You're also my son. Okay, okay, I guess if we're both sons it's fine.

All right, I don't want you to die anymore. You're my son, my twin flame. Okay, okay, yeah. Can I do four heads? Can I do four heads? You're too far away for four heads right now. No! What is going on?

What are y'all doing? I don't fully know. So you see Billy Bookshelf distracted by all the forehead touching, hooks a spear at Hellbiscuit, but misses. Then he's going to stride up to Hellbiscuit and take another attack. Oh, boy.

Hey, dude. Hello, what's your AC? It's 18. That is going to be a 22, so that's gonna hit. Ow dude. Even with minus five. Oh, that was a second attack, shit. So that becomes a 17.

So that misses, shit. Thank you, thanks for keeping me honest, Murv. Right on. Cool, so that misses. And I'm gonna remember to raise my shield on my next turn, I swear. Yeah. Awesome, so Billy Bookshelf tries to hit you and misses.

I just can't get into it, I can't get my heart into it. You guys seem awesome. Go back and masturbate or whatever you're doing. Yeah, just go back to, go read the porn for us. Yeah, read it out loud. Read the porn for us, please. You want me to read the articles? Read the articles!

Well, usually I go into a little porn hole that I dug. The articles can be pretty chaste. So yeah, we could do the articles. No, like the letters! So that is going to be Billy's turn. That brings us to Zul'Gran's turn. Oh, no. You see Zul'Gran's turn. Oh no. You see Zul'Gran, she's this like blue, cobalt,

you see she's got this like dangling necklace that flickers in the torchlight a little bit. And you see that her hands are kind of filling with this arcane energy. You see three orbs floating around her. I'm so sick of all of these goddamn henchmen just fucking around. I'm gonna sick of all of these god damn henchmen just fucking around. I'm gonna have to do all this myself.

And she's going to cast Magic Missile. So she's gonna target each of you. Yeah, this is gonna be all three of her actions. So I think this automatically hits. Let me roll damage for each of you. Oh no. Okay, so Hellbiscuit, you take five damage. Ow!

Cinnamon, you take two damage. Cinnamon, you take two damage. Ah! Cinnamon! Are you OK? I'm on the brink. I'm on the brink. The brink of what? Of being below 10 hit points.

Crudbird, you take three damage. That is Zul'Gran's turn. She just looks pissed off that she's having to micromanage all her employees like this. Yeah. I thought I told you to get out of the porn hole, Billy! I'm out of the porn hole! I'm doing my goddamn job! Wait, there's a whole hole full of porn?

That's not something I'd want to share. Okay. You have to tell us where it is! If you have a porn hole, you have to say... That's the rule at the Priest of the Bloody Jalice. I had to dig my own hole because she won't let me use the pit over there. Oh, she's not cool. She reminds me of Torval. Wow.

Yeah, Torval took over and he just made everything not fun for sure. What did he do? What did Torval do? He stopped today instead of doing the regular cool sacrifices where we bring in a monster and then we all have a dance party and then whoever falls in is the sacrifice Instead he made us go out and find sacrifices and the guy met was a really nice guy Wow, where is he now? He got thrown off the cliff with me Is that who's shield you have? They said alright two sacrifices

So that's whose shield you have? Probably. Wow, okay cool. Yeah, I don't know maybe he's okay though it could be swimming he's probably fine maybe he just dropped his shield could be swimming could be safe I mean I found it attached to a guy who looks like a man with water I tried to help but that was a different guy the point is I tried to help but I stuck to my guns was his name written on it? Yeah. What's his name? Robert.

Robert? Yeah, his name was Robert. I said, hey Robert, I'm sorry, I gotta bring you in to get sacrificed. He said, that doesn't seem very nice. And I said, you know what? You're right. We should have a party.

And whoever falls in, that's the one who gets eaten. And then Torbo was like, nope, nope, we're doing the cliff thing now. You see that Zoll Grant is like, yeah, this Torbo guy's got the right idea. You gotta keep people under your control. Otherwise, you know, you give them an inch, they take a mile.

That's why this pit is reserved for fish only. You cannot put porn in this pit. Oh man, it should be a porn and fish pit. Yeah, that would be so much more fun. How close are the two, is the pit to the hole, and does the porn hole smell like the fish pit? There's definitely fish in the porn hole. There is no porn in the fish pit.

The fish is ruining the porn. It's so briny. This should be one big hole. Sometimes they like to have a little snack while they're in my porn hole. You're awesome, man. You absolutely just got the vibe right. You can see Billy Bookshelf nods knowingly at you.

But then on Trappin' Kathy's turn, she is going to run forward towards Hellbiscuit and flank him with Billy Bookshelf. Whoa! Billy's on my side I think. All right, Pathfinder, we should flank people. Kathy, you don't have to do this. Nah, sorry man, this is how we do it. We gotta kill these fuckers, okay?

You know, that's the rules. Otherwise Zolgrand's gonna get mad. Quit flanking me. Hey, I'm flanking here. Ah! You see that? Trappin' Kathy's wearing a shirt that says that. It's pretty funny I guess. It's a nice shirt honestly. It's fucking hilarious. Did you say it wasn't funny?

I said it was pretty funny I guess. I think we all complimented Trappin Kathy. I just think you're not understanding my sense of humor. I understand it, it's okay. We all complimented Trappin Kathy. Yeah, I'm sure you didn't wear like down of humor. I understand it, it's okay. We all compliment you. Yeah, I'm sure you didn't wear like down the shore and you were on the boardwalk and you went to a store with like a bunch of dumb shirts and you bought that one. Yeah, I bought this shirt and I saw some idiot washing up on shore while I was doing it. Was that you? Was that your dumb ass? Uh, no, it wasn't my dumb ass. It was my smart ass, you fucking idiot.

Hahaha. Oh shit! Oh shit, he got you! Yeah. It's so crazy because you have the kindest eyes. I know, what? And you can be so nasty. I'm really kind. I'm trying not to be nasty, but everybody's making me nasty.

I'm gonna kill you and all your nasty friends. Yeah that's fine, I'll go see freakin' Grimstone Lord on the fucking killing field so I can't give a shit. Fuck you! Grimstone Lord sucks, Gals are off rules. All praise to the Wild Mother you piece of shit okay now you've kind of done it alright so Trapp and Kathy is going to she runs up she strides up flanks with Billy Bookshelf on Hellbiscuit so Hellbiscuit you are flanked now which means you are off guard or flat-footed as it's called in the earlier editions so

now you have a minus two to AC. So I think that's gonna put you at 16. Oh shit. Kathy is going to take some attacks now. Shout out to two crew. Wow. Let's see. Shut up, man.

Nice flank. What a waste. Yeah. I got another attack. Fuck you. It's even gonna be worse this time. All right, second attack! Minus five.

Don't forget to minus five! Yeah, I don't think you should forget that. You undid the flank, minus three. That's a six, minus five, that's a one, so yeah, she misses on both attacks. You got me on my edge, man! Good flank! Oh shit, I'm so scared!

I'm flanked, what am I gonna do? You're so obsessed with the flanking you forgot to hit yeah but I'm in position so I like flunking haha the hell was good that was actually awesome really? I try to go forehead to forehead with Crudbert. Crudbert is so wet. I love all my new friends and I hate you guys. I'm even gonna kill the guy that likes porn. I understand. Oh man. Um, Crudber that is your turn. Okay cool. Um, you know what? I'm gonna learn from Trapp and Kathy and I'm gonna flank Kathy herself. Oh!

Yeah, cool. I'll just attack her. I don't have very many spells left. As you stride forward, go ahead and give me a perception. I'm watching out for this fucking trap. Come on now. We know about the trap. Give me a perception check. He told us about the fucking trap. Told you about one of the traps. Oh, fuck you.

OK, that's a 10. Give me a reflex save. Great. 21. Fuck. Oh, yeah. Great. 21. Fuck! Ooh. God damn it! Ow! You see underneath the sand the trap pops up.

It's metal teeth biting at your ankles, but you manage to definitely avoid it as you run towards Trappin' Kathy. Oh shit. Why do you trap like you flank? Yeah. You'll have to trap out for idiots. Be careful you don't catch yourself. Oh shit. That's never happened. I've never caught myself a mone trap. Yeah, you have to trap out for idiots. Be careful. You don't catch yourself

That's that's never happened. I've never caught myself a trap and Kathy or trapped Kathy fucking moron You're getting sacrificed. All right, this is starting to hurt a little bit. Honestly. Yeah, it's okay I'm actually pretty bad at fighting Actually as I'll flank you for help is good sake, but does anybody need to get healed? Where you guys at? I'm at 14 I'm not man. I'm at 11 11 I also have a way to heal myself. Okay, then we'll wait. Yeah, I'll just attack one on. Okay All right trapping Kathy get ready for the shittiest fighter of the crew. Oh Man, that's an eight. I date absolutely misses. Oh, that's one miss. Um, right on. Oh man, that's an eight. An eight. Absolutely misses. Cool. That's one miss. Um, right on.

Oh my God. Why are you so wet? Yeah, I don't know. I dropped my sword. That's totally my bad. I'll use an action to raise a shield. And then I guess. I'm just going to use the demoralize action with all the shit I've been talking to Trapp and Kathy. Okay. So she makes a, makes a will save? Yeah. That's gonna be a 20. Fuck. Yep. That's nothing. Your shield's so big. What's wrong with your shield? I found it off my friend. Well that's actually kind of sad. Is he like dad or something? Yeah I think

so now that we've recounted the story. I think he died. And I think thus, I kind of got kicked out of my cult for no reason at all. All right. Crudber, that's your turn. Hellbiscuit, you are up. You are flanking. You're flanked, but also being flanked. Everyone's up in the mix. It's a flank fest. It's a freaking flank fest. Damn, we're getting freaky and flanky.

It's a flank-fert sausage up in here. So go ahead and attack. It depends on who you want to hit. Kathy is flanked currently. Yeah, Kathy has minus 2 to AC. Yeah, minus 2 to AC. All right, yeah. I'm going to try to trap you with the sharp edge

of my pitchfork. That's not a trap, technically. Technically, it is, because I'll trap. Yeah, I'll trap you in death by killing you. Yeah That's actually beautiful Really? I see what Billy's talking about So, what do I add for flanking? It's just lowers her AC because she's off. Oh, I see. I am great The first attack is 16. Ah, that is her AC you hit. Whoo

I'll do two more attacks. Oh yeah, minus five, but that's a 17. That hits again? Okay. Wow. Wow. This next one's minus 10. Minus 10, yeah. Okay. Just crit. Just crit. Yes! I rolled an 18, so that's another 16. Hell yeah! Whoa! It's three hits! Hellbiscuit absolutely delivers. Hell yeah, Hellbiscuit. Oh, that's 32 damage. Wow. That's great.

You are chosen of the Crimstone Lord. Hellbiscuit finished Trappin' Cathy. Yeah. Oh my god. Yeah, being flanked by Crudbert, I actually feel the brotherhood camaraderie that I think Hellbiscuit has searched for all his life. And he turns and he says to Cinnamon, I'm actually gonna fucking pledge my pitchfork to you!

To me? Yeah! Yeah, you're the leader! We pledge ourselves to you. To me? Yeah! Yeah, you're the leader. We pledge ourselves to you. You know, for all my life I've considered myself the son of a spice merchant. And being a son has been part of my identity, but now being around you young pups, it is time for me to step up and be the father. Thanks, Dad!

I love you! You're one year older than me and so much wiser. Got him trapped. I'm trapped in this awful moment. This sacrifice is for you, dude. I accept your pitchfork and I will shepherd both of you to victory and getting ad-free musical accompaniment. Yeah, oh man, we are gonna get a monthly subscription. Someday. The jaws of fate get a monthly subscription. Someday.

The jaws of fate are closing around me, this sucks. We sacrifice you to our dad. What does that mean? Go serve our dad. Go serve our dad in hell. Yeah, you puncture the shit out of Trap and Kathy with your pitchfork. She bleeds out, the blood gets everywhere, Farosh too is so pleased. Yeah, you puncture the shit out of Trap and Kathy with your pitchfork. She bleeds out, the blood gets everywhere.

Farashdu is so pleased. Yes! Wow. You hear like a clattering, grinning noise out of nowhere. He's awesome. He laughs. Oh shit. We did something to make him laugh.

That's great. It's awesome. So Trap and Kathy has been defeated. Cinnamon, that is your turn. Okay. Who's left? So you've got Billy Bookshelf. Yeah. Yeah. The pervert guy. We're keeping him alive though, right? We're gonna, we'll figure out what to do with him later. Okay. Anyone else or just Billy the Bookshelf? Billy Bookshelf and Zul'Gran the leader. Oh, Zul'Gran's the leader. Okay. The one that fired the magic missiles.

Yeah, she's nasty. Okay. What areul'Gran's the leader? Yeah the one that fired the magic missiles. Yeah she's nasty. Okay. What are y'all doing over there? Stop fucking around. Billy kill him. If you kill him I'll let you put porn in the fish pit I promise. I'm gonna go ahead and I'm just gonna try and shoot a needle dart and then throw my frying pan at that leader. Use the frying pan dad. You're clearly the leader. Yeah, you're damn right he is. That's a 21 hit. Yes. That's 10 damage.

Woof. Wow. Alright. You're incredible, Dad. And then a... I love you, Dad. I love you. I love you, my sons.

A family under the Grimstone Lord. I mean we all bathe in blood. We just call him dad. Is that a frying pan? Oh! And then I'm gonna try and throw my frying pan. I actually have a sickle which has finesse. Oh my God, yes!

If I used my hand of the apprentice, would that mean I have a minus four instead of minus five to this time? I think sickle is agile. Does it say that? Yeah, it's agile. Yeah, then yeah. It's the same type.

Okay. I took it because I use it to cut down the cinnamon trees. Okay. Okay, so minus four to this. Minus four to this, but that's a net one. It takes a while to get used to it. Yeah. It's a little different than a cinnamon tree.

You know what? Part of being a dad is knowing that you've got to save that last bite for your sons. God, I respect you so much. Leader to leader, you've really got what it takes. You're a much better dad than Torval, who threw me off a cliff today. Can I tell you what I think that you were doing wrong?

I think you, as a leader, you let Trap and Kathy run the show. Yeah. It felt here like Trap and Kathy was the leader. It was really muddy. She's kind of like my second in command. So I'm like, I'm kind of training her to be the- I feel like this was Trap and Kathy's room. She put up traps everywhere.

I have to say, the room has like a trap scene. She was dominating this vibe. Okay, well I've got like a lot of responsibilities outside of this room. This is kind of like Trapp and Cathy's room. So like- And yeah, and that showed. Yeah.

I mean, it's one thing to delegate, but you have to know who you're delegating to. You know what I mean? Yeah. All right, how about this? Hey, Billy Bookshelf fucking cut their throats. Okay. I really doubt he has it in him. Yeah, I right. All right. How about this? Hey Billy bookshelf fucking cut their throats, okay? I really doubt he has it in him Yeah, he's got a woody

It's true my heart is elsewhere It's my heart's blood is elsewhere He's thinking about all the porn he has. Yeah, it's gonna be hard. At least my heart's blood is elsewhere. Get outta here, Billy! Are you a vampire or something? No, but I do have a wooden stake. Okay. Look, we all appreciate a blue joke, okay?

Yeah. We're all in our 30s and 40s. Okay, so look we all appreciate a blue joke, okay? Yeah You've gone too far Sorry Everyone's being way too sensitive nowadays. Oh no! Take his microphone away! It's getting to be so a guy can't even sit in his pornhole and crank his hog! While chopping on fish! Zolgrat at least lets me do that! Nobody's stopping you from cranking your hog!

Nobody's stopping you from cranking your hog. All right? All right. So I think, oh, Trappicathy's dead. So he is not flanking anymore. But he is going to attack. You're up in the mix now. Yeah, we're all up in the mix. Oh, no, I'm still in the back.

You're still in the back. I've been attacking from afar. Crudbert and help us get up in the mix. If you can believe it, I don't know how this is true, but I can throw my frying pan 500 feet. So fucking strong. I guess technically I'm using my magic to levitate and propel it, but I like to think of it

as I'm throwing it. Just a specialist. I should have been a football player. So fucking strong. I should have been a football player. Damn, you should have played. You know it. You should have played.

Did that spell? Are you too shy to try out? Fucking strong. I should have been a football player. I know it. You know it. You should have played. Did that spell? Are you too shy to try out? No, my father wanted me to take over the business, but I didn't realize how many morals I'd have to compromise over that. Billy sheds a tear at this sad story and then tries to stab Hellbiscuit. Wait, they're trying to stab me. He did a feint and psyched you out.

Oh, man. 21 to hit. Yeah, oh yeah. OK. Oh, yeah. All right, then he'll do two more attacks. Nine misses. Oh, and then that one definitely misses.

OK, so he just hits once. Just six damage to you, Hellbiscuit. Ow! Hellbiscuit, are you OK? Ow, fuck! Are you okay, my son? You look really close to death. Hello, my son. That really got me.

Yeah, do you wanna join the Grimstone Lord or do you want me to save your life? I'm afraid to meet the Grimstone Lord right now because I just found out about him kinda like today. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, you wanna learn more? That's fine, that makes sense. We all need a cool key outfit to meet the Grimstone Lord. Yeah. Oh, yeah

I want to get a key jacket Okay, so that is going to be Zul'Gran's turn Zul'Gran is going to groan in disgust and then also come up in flank. She's gonna join the flank party. Okay I have a Trappin' Cally move but She was the leader after all. I gotta do everything myself. You don't fucking get it. You don't know.

I know a lot of stuff. Ask your dad. Yeah, Cinnamon. Fuck yeah. Yeah. Do I know stuff? Yeah, you know everything. You're the smartest kid I've ever met.

Wow! Look at that validation. That's awesome. Damn. I feel really good. That's how you dad. I forgot what happened this morning. Does an 18 hit? Wow! Look at that validation! That's awesome! Damn, I feel really good!

That's how you dead! I forgot what happened this morning. Does an 18 hit? It does, yeah. And since you are flanked, this is going to be a sneak attack. Cool. So let's see. 8 damage.

Shield block! Oh! To remove 5 damage, so I just take three. So my big shield bangs me in the head. Ow! It still hurt a little bit, Dad. But I did a good job. Crudbert, as Zolgrang comes up close, give me a perception check.

Okay. Twenty-two. Twenty-two? Yeah. You see Zolgrang, as she stabs into your shield and it kind of reverberates. You see she's got this necklace on with this kind of like little flaky pendant on it. It looks almost like a bit of egg shell. But she's also got a golden key dangling from her neck. Key! We love keys!

We love keys! Hell yeah. And that is going to be her turn. That brings us back to Crudbert. That's you. Okay. Yeah, I'll just attack. Let's see what happens.

Hey, why not? You'll never know until you try. That's such good attitude. That's actually an 18. I raised you right. 18 does hit. Okay, cool. Thanks, dad.

Way to go, brother. That's three damage. Three damage, okay. Okay, I'll attack again. Mine is five. That means I attack with a negative one. Oh, hell yeah, that's a 17. 17, just hits.

Perfect. Whoa, bro. Okay. Oh yeah. Oh geez, I just did two damage. Okay. Okay. Oh, bro. OK. Oh, yeah. Oh, jeez. I just hit two damage. OK. OK.

You're whittling her down, though. Cool. Another shield raise. That's my last attack. You see, Zul'Kran turns to Sinem and says, are you proud of this? Are you proud of your boy? I mean, he hit you twice.

Do you know how hard it is to hit twice, let alone three times? Did you see my other son hit three times in a row? Three times in a row. Thanks, Dad. I'm glad you noticed. You taught him well. I didn't know you saw that. No, I saw it.

I saw every second of it. I was really impressed. I'm begrudgingly proud of you. It's hard raising these kids. Ain't it the truth? You've done a really bad job with Billy Wilkshelf. He's kind of a deviant. Billy Wilkshelf is not okay. He's making really crass jokes.

Yeah. Yeah, it was not cool. And also like you can appreciate porn but also like not get rid of movie dick because that's a pretty good book. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You can appreciate porn without becoming your whole personality. There you go, thank you. Yeah, it seems like that's all he has. Yeah. Yeah. That's not true. I also like carving out books to put porn in. That's crafting. That's technically whittling. Yeah, that's actually kind of cool.

Very technical. Hellbiscuit, that's your turn. Oh, yeah. All right, so is Zul'Gran being flanked right now? You would need to reposition yourself to flank Zul'Gran, because she came in to flank you. So you would kind of need to like Loop around and flank her.

But I will say if you move like that you are going to get an attack of opportunity. Does she have that ability? Because that's an ability. Oh my gosh, you're right. That is an ability in Pathfinder, not just a standard reaction. So yeah, she can't do anything. Hellbiscuit, you are clear to move. Hell yeah! Alright, so I'll move. Okay,biscuit, you are clear to move. Hell yeah. All right, so I'll move. Okay, great. So that drops her AC to 15.

All right. And now I only get two attacks though, right? Cause that counts as an action. Yeah. All right. Whoa, 25. Whoa, that's a crit. Whoa.

Yeah. Yes. With the lower AC from the flank, that's a crit. Oh yeah, dude. Fuck yeah. I'll take my second attack to- You gotta be proud of these things. Crank the flank. All right, the second one's only a 12. So I'll roll a crit. Oh yeah dude. Fuck yeah. I'll take my second attack. You gotta be proud of these things. Crank the flank.

All right, the second one's only a 12, so I'll roll this crit. Okay. Dad, do you see we're flanking? I'm glad to be decimated by your bullets. That's 20 damage, dad. I'm sure I'm, I think I got spices in my eyes or something,

because I'm welling up here. Ah, ah. I'll give you a tissue, Dad. Ah! Ah! Ah! Dad, do you want to touch my forehead, Dad? Yeah, yeah, let's bring all those foreheads in here.

Hellbiscuit, you are a menace with a pitchfork. Finish Zollgren. Oh my God! Hellbiscuit runs around to flank Zolgran and steps on his dad's frying pan. No, that's actually been retrieved to me. It returns to me after. Great. So I grab it from your pack and I hit my pitchfork across the room through Zolgran. the room through Zolgran. You gotta be proud of these kids. I fucking told you I am. Don't let them dig a porno hole. I don't know, let them make their own decision. No, that's where it starts. We're thirty, we're thirty. And Zolgran is defeated. You see as Zolgran falls, Billy Bookshelf looks relieved and says,

oh, thank you. Can I go back to my hole now? Yeah. Can you just give us some information? Like what is this key for? Oh, the key. Anything you want. Yes.

Yes. Any information. Yeah. Go ahead and give me intimidation checks. You can do it with plus two. Right on. As a do it with plus two. Right on. As a circumstance bonus. All right.

It's a nat one from Helvus. I got an 18. 18? Yeah, so I'll say I'll start carving the other bodies to get skulls. What were you saying? What is that key for? Oh God.

I just look at him with dead eyes. What are you saying it was for? Okay, yes, yes, yes. Dang, this thing's sharp. It stays sharp. I could probably carve him with dead eyes. What are you saying it was for? Okay, yes, yes, yes. Dang, this thing's sharp. It stays sharp. I could probably carve another skull after this. We hatched a dragon, okay? Whoa. Yeah, so there's like this weird kind of like crack in the next room, and she like, we stole a dragon egg, the Wild Mother blessed us with the fortune of a dragon egg.

We stole it, we put it on the crack, Zoll Grant said some words or something like that, she stole some orb in there and used its magic as her own and it hatched, the thing fucking hatched. Yeah. Is there a baby dragon or did it grow really fast? Yeah, where is it? They do grow pretty fast. I would say it's like a preteen dragon.

Oh, too low, shit. Fatherhood in a nutshell. Where is it now? It's further into the cavern. And is that what's been eating the fish? That is what's been eating the fish. Oh interesting. You just like let that happen and then went and looked at a bunch of porn? You weren't really concerned with the dragon at all? Well I mean like until you guys showed up everything was going great. Like nobody was worried, nobody was coming down here. It was like kind of our place to just chill and eat fish and look at porn. Well actually that's pretty sweet.

What was the end game with this with this dragon was it what does that goal to menace the village or you were growing interest out of the curiosity of finding an egg and seeing what hatches because I've done that before with a caterpillar cocoon. A caterpillar hatching? Yeah, but a terrible moth hatched. Hatched? Really, really scary stuff. Really scary stuff. I feel like there should be a step in between. I don't know that it should hatch.

No, it has. Anyways, so was it an experiment, or was there a larger game plan? Zolgrann had big, big plans. She was always talking about it. She was going to take over Otari and she was going to become the mayor and she was going to build a stadium and try to get a minor league baseball team to move in. What?

Yeah. She had so many ideas. She should have told us. Yeah, the stadium I could get on board with. I love the lower league baseball teams. Yeah, you mostly just want to go and you just want to have a beer. It doesn't matter if it's pro or with. I love the lower league baseball teams. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I know it's just fun. It's a good day. It's a fun afternoon. So calm and civilized. Hot dog, beer, the ball game. I mean my gosh what's better than that. Yeah she was going to have a cool downtown area called the Glen and there was going to be food trucks every second Thursday. What? What did she say? She was just saying stupid shit when she was alive. Well she was like under a lot of pressure because the dragon just needs constant food and fish.

And like she's having to delegate all of us. If I'm being honest, yeah, I'm not working very hard. The baseball budget went to the fish. So has the dragon been above ground yet? No, we've been keeping it down here to try and train it to follow our commands. It's been a little unruly. OK, so we're still training it. That's what Zul'Gran was focusing on.

OK, so give me some hints on how to train the dragon, because we could. We could watch a film about it. We could watch a movie about it. Because, yeah, I mean, I'm feeling like why don't we? How do you train a dragon? Why don't we get 10 gold pieces out of this and a dragon? Oh, that's a good idea. Oh yeah?

Yeah, Zul'Gran, can I rub my wrist against Zul'Gran's wrist to try and get her scent on me so I can dear myself to the dragon pup? Just knock yourself out. Just please don't kill me. Yeah, okay. So I'm doing that. Okay. Yeah, and after we get the dragon, we can make Zul'Gran's dream come true.

We can have all our dreams come true. Yeah. We get the baseball team. Yeah, yeah after we get the dragon we can make Zolkarand's dream come true. We can have all our dreams come true Yeah, I get the baseball team. Yeah. Yeah, and they can be the dragons the minor league dragons Oh, that's good. Oh, can I play short stuff? Yeah, of course you can. I would appreciate if you would actually. Well, we don't know that we're necessarily Okay. Yeah, no, it's fine. If dad thinks it's a good idea. It's a good idea. Yeah. No, it's a good idea I think it's to move for you. I do. I do. Thanks, dad. I want you to have the athletic career I never got to have. It is like a feeder into the pros, so we gotta make sure the health of these kids is good enough to...

All we've really seen him do is hit people with pitchforks and steal a tree. I'll make you proud, dad. You can hit the ball with a pitchfork, right? You already have. You already have made me proud. Shortstop's kind of a really important position. Thanks, dad. So can I go back? I know that's why I want to play it, so I can make Dad proud by playing shortstop

and stopping all the grounders that are gonna head out to the outfield for base hits. I don't know that you're necessarily gonna be able to stop all the grounders, because you've never played baseball before as far as we know. Yeah, but I have really good athletics. No, no, I justim, I instinctually justim.

I actually think that you're not even gonna have to learn, you're gonna be naturally good at it. Okay. Thanks, Dad. Thanks a lot. Hi, Billy here, sorry to interrupt your conversation, but was just wondering if you had any more questions about the dragon or if I can go back to my hole.

Billy, Billy, what's the dragon's name? The dragon, oh it doesn't have a name yet, we've just been calling it the dragon. The dragon. I slapped Billy. Oh! Tell us the truth. Tell us, I know someone said a name. What if we're gonna name it Cinnamon Jr. Yeah,. I know someone said a name.

We're gonna name it Cinnamon Jr. Yeah, okay. That's a name now. That's a beautiful name. I think that's a very deserving name. Push Billy. Call it Cinnamon Jr. Cinnamon Jr. awaits in the chamber beyond.

Okay. Okay, okay, okay. Can you get down in your porthole? Because I don't want you to like go tell on us or anything. Okay. Do you want to just. If you're a tattletale, you gotta tell me right now. I'm absolutely not a tattletale.

Okay. All right. This guy's cool. Can the, can the. You can put the door over me if you want and I'll just stay in there. You can put some weight on it. It's fine. This guy.

Give me an air hole. This guy's great. You'd be great in the cold if freaking Torvald didn't take it over. You starting to cold? Yeah. Yeah. Thinking about doing a new one. This guy's great. He'd be great in the cold if freaking Torvald didn't take it over. You starting to cold? Yeah, thinking about doing a new one. I mean what's a baseball team if not a cold? Yeah, that's true.

Okay, yeah, we can have a cold slash baseball team. Damn. I don't think that's been done. That's a fresh angle. Let's see. Let's do it. Do you want to loot Zul'Gran's corpse before you go? There's some good stuff on there. Hell yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We gotta get the key for sure. Oh, I want to get the key. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. Can I try to activate the item on it? I was taking all their skulls, so. Oh, yeah. Wow, you really cleaned those out quick.

Hell yeah, dude. All right. Nice. Yeah, you loot Zul'Gran's corpse. You find a few things. You find this, uh, golden key, um, with a little, uh, symbol inlaid on it. And, Crudbert, you would know that this is the symbol of, uh, Farajtu. Oh, what? Yeah.

What the hell? I thought you were talking about the Wild Mother. Why do you have a symbol of Farajtu here? I mean, we just kinda came in here and, like, found what was in here. There was just a bunch of shit lying around. Well, first off, it's not shit. It's the Grimms of the Lord. So you don't watch your fucking mouth. I'm sorry. I wish I could tell you more, but like I've only been in the other chamber a few times and I've never been in the other rooms.

There's a lot of other rooms. So I don't actually know what this key does, but it probably goes to somewhere in the next chamber. OK. OK. Get back in the portal. What else is there besides the key? Yeah, anything else? Yeah, you also see this necklace you get a closer look and it is in fact a piece of dragon shell. Oh, yeah. Whoa. I'll wear that. I'll wear that. You'll wear that. So I'm smelling like, smelling like this leader. And then the last thing you find is this cloudy, cracked gemstone.

It almost looks, give me an arcana check. Shout out to the two crew, that becomes a 10. I also got a 10. 18. 18, shit. Crudberg, with an 18, you can see that this is some sort of like magic augmenting device. Oh yeah.

You sense specifically it has kind of like an arcane energy to it. Interesting. I'm pretty arcane. Yeah, here you take a cat. Yeah, here you can have the necklace of the dragon show. Can I try to, holding this here, arcane energy amplifier. Can I just cast a cantrip at the wall? At the wall?

Yeah. Sure. And just see if it has any effect. I'm going to cast electric arcs through this here arcane energy amplifier. You cast it at the wall across the pit and you don't feel any increased surge. You get the sense that maybe this gemstone has been used up. You get the sense that maybe Zol'Gran amplified her own abilities with it

and now it's been kind of expended. I see. Yeah, maybe we can salvage it later. Yeah, or sell it. Oh, sell it, yeah. Yeah, okay. But as you cast the Bolt spell, you do see that it lights up that far wall.

And on it, you see two things. You see this statue carved into the wall next to the exit to this room. And it seems to be a statue of Abathas, the father of knowledge. He's wearing these little spectacles that have spectacles mounted above them, almost like a spider's eyes. And he's got like a long mustache and he's holding a tome And you see the statue is pointing to this plaque on the other side of the exit I'm gonna go try and touch that plaque

What's the plaque say? So you like sidle along the edge to avoid falling into this pit I'll say that while you're doing that you're able to also spot the final trap that Kathy had laid You see it just harmlessly goes off. And then you gently step over that and find yourself right next to this plaque. Would you like to inspect it? Yeah, let's cast Detect Magic.

Ooh, nice. The only magic you detect is the magic that was used to carve this. It was kind of like a shape earth spell that was used to carve the text onto this wall. It is in like an older language, but go give me a society roll. See if you can read it. Okay.

13. 13. 25. Woo! Wow. That's a critical success. Is it? My first crit!

Shit. Okay. Wow. With a 25, you can perfectly read the text. The text reads, A rupture was discovered here and thusly sealed by Vaden Bandardash, Scholar of Abathis in the year 4218 after Harmony. May its magics hold strong and keep the dreaming one forever in slumber.

Um, and I'll say with the crit, you know, two things. You know that there's actually someone with the last name bander dash in the town of Otari at the library of Abathis. That's where I got my wizard spell book at the library. This recently. Yeah. Did you just borrow it from the library? Let me see that real quick.

I look at it and see the tag with like a bunch of names on it. Oh man. Yes. I remember being like Banderdash, but that's a weird name. As I took out, as I checked out my wizard map. Wow. You should invest in yourself to have Banderdash. It definitely is overdue. But you do notice that on the bookmark tag,

it says head librarian, Vandy Bandardash. And the last thing you realize is this is a pretty simple thing to realize, but the current year is 4438. So this happened about 220 years ago. Okay, so it sounds like this Bandard-Dash person sealed someone down here, called the Dreaming One, who maybe is like a monster or something like that. And with all these dummies down here, they might undo the magic by accident or on purpose.

Or maybe they're just trying to feed their dragon, but I don't know. So, sure, before we go try to meet the dragon cinnamon jr. should we go talk to Vandy Bender Dash because I wouldn't mind extending the loan on my book. I'll fight this charge for you dad. I don't think we should go all the way back up. okay so we're gonna go okay okay we can can talk to well, it's up to you dad I've just freshly applied this woman's stink to me so that the dragon will endear itself to me So I do think we should make the most of this time. Yeah, let's go meet the dragon. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Okay, come my son's cool So you're gonna head into the next room?

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The ground is rough and uneven, except for at its center, where you see the earth has been flattened and inlaid with a strange sigil. At the center of the sigil a faint purple glow emanates from a small fissure in the earth. You also notice that there are three doorways leading to other areas of the cavern. The doorways are linked to the sigil by thin pathways carved into the stone ground. Here's a little drawing I did to help you conceptualize that. So it's got sigils of the different gods and they intersect. Okay, and then there's this purple stuff in the middle. I wonder if the dreaming one is down in the chasm.

Oh, yeah. Okay, well, clearly we just follow the way of the Grimstone Lord and then we'll be safe. Okay. Or we'll die as part of his grand plan. Okay. So you inspect this sigil more closely and see that it is composed of four overlapping circles. At the dead center of the sigil you see a crack in the ground glowing with an ethereal purple light. At the outer section of each circle,

you see symbols that have been carved into the stone floor. In the top circle, you see a flaming eye floating above a row of sharp teeth, the symbol of the Wild Mother. To the left, you see a smiling skull with a key in its mouth, the symbol of Firashtu. To the right, a sword piercing a sun eclipsed by a crescent moon, the symbol of linear. And at the bottom, you see an opened book with four lens spectacles on top, the symbol of abathis. Oh, yeah. Okay.

So that's where we came from. And that's what we saw in the ball. So that is that guy's little room. Should we just sprinkle some spices into the crack in the floor that goes to the purple glow? Dad, I think whatever you think is a good idea is a good idea. Autumn spice wherever you think is nice, Dad. Yeah, I think we sprinkle some spice.

Yeah, I guess we'll detect magic. Is there like a lot of magic down there? You wanna detect magic on this fissure? You detect more magic than you've ever detected in your whole life. Oh, okay. Hang on everybody. This ain't your normal spider party. There's some huge down there. But I will say cinnamon, as you reach your hand over and sprinkle the spice into there.

Which spice are you putting in by the way? Okay, so I'm trying to think which one I would, I mean cinnamon is incredibly valuable, but it also is my namesake. Nutmeg, wars have been fought over nutmeg. So that feels like a good offering. Oh, okay. I grate some nutmeg in there.

You grate some nutmeg into this, and as you do, you feel a sickening jolt. Oh, I'm sick. No. Dad, lie down dad. I'm wretch. Lie down on the other side. Are you all right, dude?

Dad, dude. There's a flash of light and suddenly you feel something crawling on your finger. You see a purple caterpillar inching towards your wrist. Who are you? Suddenly it bites your flesh. You see a purple caterpillar inching towards your wrist. Suddenly it bites your flesh and wriggles inside. What? Dad? Dad? So where's the caterpillar now?

This is really crazy. Remember I just told you the story about the caterpillar cocoon that hatched into a moth. A caterpillar just entered me. Oh, the caterpillar's in you? Hatched into a moth. Caterpillar just entered me. Oh. The caterpillar's in you? Yeah. So is it gonna turn into a purple inside you? Can I try to get it out?

Do I see it in there? You see nothing. There's no scar. You're not even sure if it was real or not. Am I napping? No, Dad. No? Okay.

Unless I'm napping too. Are we all napping? I think the eyes of all three of us napping at once are... pretty decent, but less than the chances are of us being awake. Okay, okay, so this is not really happening. None of you have napped, but by making this offering to the fissure, you have all gained the benefits of a long rest. Whoa!

And you level up to level two. Yeah! Oh shit! Faraj 2 blesses us. We have killed this day and so we will live. Wow. Yeah, you all kind of like breathe in this nutmeg scent as you're overwhelmed by this like magical fissure.

I feel like a caterpillar's in me also. Yeah, I feel like I blossomed into a beautiful butterfly. Or a moth. Or a moth. Even better. Even better. Why don't you all give me quick perception checks, while you're at it.

I want to kind of like lean, just like poke my head on the different doors. OK. 15 for Hellbiscuit. 15? Or no, 21. 21 as well. Awesome.

With a 21, yeah, you kind of see that like each of these chambers kind of corresponds with one of these overlapping sigils. Across the way you see a door with a small keyhole in it. On the other side you see kind of a like grotto with like a shimmering light coming from it. And then on the far side, corresponding with where the Wildmother's sigil is, you see kind of mists seeping out of a big room that looks a little larger. Okay. And which door has the keyhole? Farashtu's door. Oh, hell yeah. Let's go to that one. Great. As you leave this fissure, you crunch your feet down and realize you've stepped on the remnants

of a few final pieces of dragon egg that were left here. It does seem clear with your perception that this is where the dragon was hatched. Oh, and so it caused the fissure. Oh, geez. Interesting. Okay, I wonder if the dreaming one's gonna wake up. Well, let's find out.

Give us frost,htu's will. Can I take a cork off of a... No, you know what, we've we're making a pact with the streaming one. I'm not gonna cork him. The caterpillar was nice. Yeah, yeah. For now. Okay, yeah. Let's go to Froshtu. If you want to make like a arcana check or anything or try to

recall knowledge. I'll do I'll do. Let me do a recall knowledge. I have arcana, but I also have occultism. So let me do Occultism. So like, this sigil represents like all four of the traditions of magic and the gods that they correlate to. So any magical tradition you can use. So I got a 24 to recall knowledge, maybe about the dreaming one. Shit. Okay. With the 24, you don't know anything about the Dreaming One really, but you do remember kind of like some of the history of like the four gods of this realm. You know that they're called the Quadrain collectively, and they kind of each represent

a tradition of magic, primal, arcane, divine, and occult. And you do know that at one point in time, they all existed on separate spheres of existence, and then they merged together into one singular sphere known as Artea, and that is an event called the Harmony. And that's why the dating system is after Harmony. So the Harmony happened only 200 years ago? No, that happened like 4,000 years ago.

Okay, okay. A little more. This incursion was sealed 220 years ago. So as you're thinking about that, do you want to head over to Firashtu's chamber? Yeah, I got this key. I'm cracking it open, baby. Yeah? Awesome.

Yeah, you crack open this door. It looks almost like a mausoleum. It's like stone inlaid with kind of like ancient runes corresponding to farash too Just a lot of like a lot of Lamentations, you know that sort of thing Crud bird starts sweating again and smiling and getting really giddy Crud bird this is your shit This is awesome This can be your room

What? You really can? Yeah, we'll get a bunk bed in here for ya Oh my god I've always wanted a bunk bed in a room. So as you enter this chamber, you see a big island of treasure. And at the center of it, with both hands outstretched, you see a smiling skull statue covered in keys. Whoa, OK.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah, what's up? What's going on with your dad? Isn't it animatronic? It is. Okay, since you're my dad, I guess that makes the Grimmsone Lord my granddad. Yeah. Okay, so I think we shouldn't take presents from granddad.

No, I'll put a little nutmeg at his feet too. Yeah, expensive spice. I'm gonna go ahead and add my key to the collection. Here you go, granddad. Um, you put your key down into the collection and you feel like a little spark of inspiration in your head as you do that. And you hear Farajd say to you you can have one thing

can I have one thing if your friends make a little offering, they can have one thing too. Okay, you guys have to make a little offering. I- I- But now I might get your fee. It's a very expensive spice. Well, it's good stuff. Mmm, yeah. I pull a leaf from the tree, Edgar, that I've been dragging around. That was the second to last one. That seems like a slice. I know! I'm gonna protect this last leaf with my life! It actually means a lot to help us get it. That tree's gonna come live with me soon enough.

You gotta plant that thing. You grab the leaf, but I kinda want the tree. The tree will bleed, all the trees will bleed, Granddad. Awesome, so you all make a little offering, and here is what you find. Crudbert, you find two healing potions. Oh, sick. Cinnamon, you find a hat of disguise. I put it on and I look like my father, and I say, I love you, sick. Cinnamon, you find a hat of disguise.

I put it on and I look like my father and I say, I love you, Cinnamon. Yeah, we all love Cinnamon. What do you mean, Dad? We love you, Cinnamon. You say it all the time. I love you, Cinnamon. I'm proud of you for being purer than my corrupt ass. What are you talking about, Dad?

Damn, Pezrin, that was wise. And Hellbiscuit, you find a smoking sword with a dwarven face carved into the hilt. I'm going to send you the stats for this thing. Damn, this sword's cool. Yeah, it might be cursed or something, but it'll be sweet either way. That's fine. Maybe I could swing it at a baseball. What do you think, Dad?

Oh, I think that sounds great. That's fine. Maybe I could swing it at a baseball. What do you think? Oh, I think that sounds great. Let's practice. I pick up a boulder and I throw it. I take a skull of a kobold and I pitch it at you. Wait, that's a perfectly good skull. That's a DC 14 to hit this. Okay.

Can I use acrobatics? Or no, athletics? Yeah. Come on, my little slugger. I swing with the flat side of the sword. No lie, that is a nat 20. Oh! Oh my God.

I knew it. What did I say? You don't even have to learn. You're a natural. Oh yeah. He is pretty good. As long as they let me play with the sword, I should be good.

Yeah, they will. Cause it'll be us. We're gonna be running this league and we can make the rules. We don't really make the rules as hardly. We're part of the Wickerkicker League. I see now. Look how easily I slipped into corruption just like my father the second I had sons that I cared about. Maybe your dad loved you dad. Maybe your dad just loved you so much, he had to be so corrupt. Yeah, maybe he had to murder a bunch of people because he loved you so much.

I put the hat on this guy's on and I say, Cinnamon, it was all for you. All my corrupt deeds, the bribery, the falsifying of documents, the adulterating of spices, the murders. Yeah, that's actually a lot of really bad shit. I think your pastor was weirder than mine. He must have really loved you.

Yeah, your dad sounds awesome. To do that much bad shit, he must have been so devoted to you. Yeah, did he like shower you with gifts and stuff? No, not really, no. Okay. But I put the hat of disguise back on. I withheld the gifts because I knew that it would push you to be the person that you are today,

which I am very proud of. Wow, beautiful. Yeah. Cinnamon falls into a nap. Okay, you kids have fun. Okay, thanks for asking, I love you. Thanks for asking, I love you, goodnight. That's our prayer every night.

Come play baseball in the afterlife sometimes. Okay. We call it bloodsball there. That's awesome. Oh damn, I can't wait. Okay, well, let's wake up Cinnamon and let's maybe go to the Wild Mother one because I think that's probably where the dragon is. Yeah, let's do it.

Okay. Hey, Dad, I'm just going to carry you. Dad, are you sleeping? No, no, no know you're sleeping. No, no, no. You're not? No. You're not sleeping, okay.

No, where are we? Okay, we're in the, we went to somebody's basement. We're at the mall, okay. Why the? Okay. We might be, we might be more at Westfield's. I don't know what's above us at this point. This is sort of the hot topic.

And we need to get out of here and go to a different store. This sort of the Wild Mother should be like an outdoor store. Maybe like a Dick's Sporting Goods. Or a Sports Authority. I don't know if anybody had a Sports Authority. Yeah, it was next to the O'Reillys. There you go. Okay. Let's go to the Wild Mother one. Alright, you also know there's the fountain that corresponds with Lanare as well.

Oh yeah. You guys wanna just drink some water out of the fountain? Yeah. Yeah, actually I really could go have some water. I'm actually pretty thirsty for playing baseball. Yeah. I helped look my face in the fountain. Yeah, I was gonna say just to be safe, why don't we let it help us get to it first? Awesome. Yeah, you pop in there, you see this small grotto bathed in strange light. You see the statue of a woman clad in armor

and a sunburst crown. She's holding this moon-shaped sword. And her other arm is holding a small bowl. And in the bowl, you see this water that looks like it's almost lit by moonlight. That looks like Gatorade. I need those electrolytes. I definitely want some of those electrolytes. Have at it. Hey, everybody. Wait on it. Hang on. I need those electrolytes. It definitely looks like we have electrolytes.

Hey everybody, wait on, hang on, SSA. Hellbiscuit drinks the Gatorade Blue Frost. Okay, yeah, save some for me. Yeah, I'll have a sip too. Gods get mad when you do this kind of stuff. Bottoms up. I don't know about this. I cross my arms crumply. I don't like this room as much as the other ones.

So everybody that drinks gets two temporary hit points. Oh, temporary. Okay. Okay. I'll take it. Yeah. Oh yeah. Crudbert, are you going to take the blessing from Lanayra? Are you okay? No, I'm good. Respect. So you all head back into this main chamber, and there's one last thing you notice before you proceed to the back cavern. You notice that there are these little icons in each of the circles, and they seem to correspond to each of the gods, and mounted next to them

is a little gemstone. You see that the gemstone next to the abathis has been removed. But there's- So it's this. I hold up the little cracked shard. Exactly. Let's grab the other gems. We can use them in battle.

I mean, it would be- I think the gems are probably being used to keep the dreaming one sleeping. Oh. I shove this back in. You shove it back in? Yeah. You see it flickers a little bit, but does not come back to life.

It seems that the arcane power within it has been drained. You do see that the other three are still lit, and you can infer that these are part of some sort of ritual to keep this seal from cracking further. Okay, well after we kill these kobots and get this dragon, we'll get this gem fixed and then we'll be good to go. Okay. Yeah, fix the gem.

Okay, well in any event, I feel like this could be a dangerous situation that we're walking into. So I'm going to, I think I have like a little hairy mole. Okay. And I'm gonna fiddle. I wasn't gonna say anything. I'm gonna fiddle at it and emerging from it is a tree shrew, which looks like a little rat squirrel. Okay. little rat squirrel. Okay. What? Huh?

And it is my familiar, Ginger the cherry shrew. Oh, I hate ginger. She has a ability called absorbing, so she can be absorbed into my person to look like a birthmark. Lives in your mole. So she, yeah, she lives in your face. Yeah.

Could she have been a mole? Yeah, she's kind of like a mole, mole, yeah. she lives in your face. Yeah. Could she have been a mole? Yeah, she's kind of like a mole, mole, yeah. Yeah. An actual mole. Yeah. That's good, yeah. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. Yeah, she's a, you know, the tree shrew is one of the few,

it's maybe the only other animal other than, only other mammal other than humans to like spicy food. Me, me, me. She loves spicy food. Me, me. This is really interesting, Dad. Me, me, me, me dad I don't think my son's like you she has another trick she can do masters form she turns into basically Oh my God, that's awesome! Ginger, you look just like my favorite person! Okay, I'm ready.

I'm ready to go into battle. Okay, so you all proceed into this back chamber. Yeah. Great. Yeah, oh yeah. Oh yeah. So as you walk towards this chamber of Gosrog, you feel a rush of excitement. Yeah.

As your body graces for the challenge ahead. Your fear melts away. It's gone. And you find it replaced by a newfound sense of purpose and understanding. I'm a father. and understanding. I'm a father. And as you march confidently towards this new reality, each of you gains one hero point.

Yeah. Yeah. A hero point allows you to either reroll a single check, or you can spend all of your hero points to avoid taking the dying condition. Wow. So heroic. Yeah, so that's, it's going to be very handy. If you go down, you can basically use it to like stay up, I condition. Wow. That's so heroic. Yeah, so it's gonna be very handy.

If you go down, you can basically use it to like stay up, I believe. Cool. Alrighty. So with that in mind, you all kind of like bolster yourselves. Ginger nods at you. Me-me.

Me-me, dude. Let's do this, sweetie. And you, Cinnamon, you and your two sons stride into the dragon's den. Thick tendrils of mist swirl at your feet as you cross this threshold. As soon as you enter, you're hit with an uncharacteristic wave of humidity. On all sides, you see towering yellow mushrooms, some reaching over 10 feet in height. They seem to emit a pale light, giving the entire chamber an eerie glow.

As you trudge through the mossy ground here, you see the shattered remnants of barrels, their contents long devoured. You gaze at the remains, and as you do, something stirs from the back of the chamber, and a faint snarl echoes from the shadows. What do you want to do? Oh geez, okay, so this is the wild mother, so I think it made the dragon grow super fast like these mushrooms! Yeah, I think so. I don't think this is going to be a little dragon,

I think it needed to eat a lot of fish because it's a really big dragon! Okay. Dad, what do we do? We do what I never had the guts to do at home. We stand up for ourselves. And I charge the dragon. No, dad, you're a wizard. You charge forward.

Cinnamon. Suddenly, as you do. Yeah, we all charge screaming. Yeah, I'm running but after cinnamon. So, cinnamon, you charge forward. You're two beautiful boys running behind you. And then suddenly as you do, this feels right. A massive bright green dragon leaps into view You see that the beast does look young still but it does look Artificially enhanced almost it looks like it's grown quickly

It's almost got like stretch marks and more muscles than it should. Its eyes are kind of glowing with this strange purple essence. You see that his leathery wings flap. It snaps its jaws. And for a moment, this young hatchling takes on the appearance of an ancient worm. Oh, no.

What? The creature gazes at you with cunning eyes and snorts a cloud of yellow vapor. With a fierce roar, the dragon charges forward to attack. Everybody roll initiative. Oh shit. Careful, careful baby.

Oh I got a nat 20. Whoa, okay. Nice. Does that suck in Pathfinder too or is that only 5d? That just sucks more. So 25 because my perception went up. Damn. I got a dirty 20. Well, we had a 12. OK.

So you see this dragon before you. As it approaches, you see it grows a little bit. It's almost like the magic of this place, combined with whatever was coming out of that rift that hatched it, is making it even stronger. And as it senses prey, as it senses new bigger food something better than fish its body expands and it flaps forward but first to act is cinnamon okay that's right I'm gonna shoot a briny bolt yeah yeah you can get a jump on my

old man that's right he's six and a half months older than me. Is it 21 to hit? 21 misses. What? Oh, no. Well, I guess I'll take cover. It's not much to do. Yeah, we're going to run this town. I'm going to buy up a bunch of houses and rent them out for too much money. Yeah

You're a slumlord. I Love collecting shit. Yeah Man, you're hoarding houses We just want to build a baseball stadium That's my baseball team. I'm the manager what? You don't know anything Yeah, you I'm freaking three months old man You're just a baby. I'm a boss baby. Fuck you. Oh man

Okay, um that is going to be the Dragons turn. Let's see Okay, so the dragon is going to use its stride to leap up onto a mushroom, so it's ten feet up on this mushroom, and then it's going to blast the two people in view with a breath weapon. So, Cinnamon, you said that you hid, you took cover? Yeah, I'm taking cover. You ran in screaming, and then your two sons just get hit by the breath. I mean, you know, I don't know what else to say. I'll just die. I'm a wizard.

I don't want you to die. Ultimately, I'm a father, but I'm also a wizard. So OK, so Breath Weapon is two actions. The dragon breathes a toxic cloud that deals five D six poison damage. What? Each creature in the area must attempt a DC 24 reflex save. Absolutely not. How would you get? 12? That critically fails. Cool, I'm gonna die. I got a 23. 23. Okay, so that fails as well. Just normally. What? That's so high this is in the box okay hold on let me see here

oh no i was gonna be a baseball player let's see if you got what it takes to be on my team Okay, ouch. 20 damage, doubled for Crudbert, dead. Okay, Crudbert's dead. Grimstone Lord, take me. All right, I'll see you all on the other side. You're our healer. We don't have any way to bring you back.

Bye everybody. I have a heal thing. I have potions on my body. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah. He's got potions on his body. I'm negative ten health. How does that work in Pathfinder? Yeah, let me look up the health rules, but I think I'm fucked.

Yeah, so when you die, you get the status dying one. Oh, dying two if the hit was a critical success. So you have dying two. Basically what happens is that you're gonna get to make a recovery check. That's 10 plus the dying value. So you have to pass 12.

If you succeed, it's reduced by one. If you crit succeed, it's reduced by two. You also have your hero point, which you can use to stabilize. You can lose the dying condition entirely and stabilize with zero HP. Okay, cool. Cool, so you can do that. I'll do that on my HP. Okay, cool cool. So you can do that I'll do that on my turn great. All right

So that is I can have ginger go administer the potion to you because she has the ability manipulate cool Okay. Yeah, I think if I get HP I get out of the dying condition. I'm not actually dead I just have the dying condition. Yeah, so crudbert you are dying and. And then Hellbiscuit, you take 20 points of damage. Oh, fuck. That's crazy. Thanks. I've been working on it. But then the dragon, Cinnamon Jr. cannot use their breath weapon for two rounds. Good. Okay. Awesome.

And that is going to bring us to Hellbiscuit's turn. So you see this dragon perched on top of this big mushroom kind of taunting you all. There's vapor leaking out of its mouth as it kind of giggles to itself. I'm going to run this town. That wasn't funny at all. You incinerated my brother. He doesn't have what it takes to be on my baseball team.

Yes, he does. I don't want to be on a baseball team. Oh, he does. I don't want to be on a baseball team. Oh, then he doesn't actually care either way. He's a scrum. He's just gonna watch me play. Am I close enough that I don't have to stride or do I gotta stride? You have to stride because, well.

All right. No, the dragon came up, but the dragon is up on a mushroom. So you can definitely do a ranged attack without striding. Man, I really want to use this cool new sword. Okay, so I'm gonna stride. My sword is, this sword is constantly belching smoke. So the two smokes are kind of like mingling now.

The dragon's yellow smoke and my black smoke. I'm gonna use an action to concentrate and light this blade of flame. So it's gonna do an extra D6 of fire. Damn. Hell yeah. All right, I only have one attack action now though, so let's hope it works.

Okay. That is a 24. A 24 does hit. Yeah. I'll say with your stride, you kind of like run up to this mushroom and leap into the air and just manage to swipe at the dragon.

Oh yeah? All right, that's 12 damage. Sick. Okay. That's not nothing. Ah! Fuck you, man! You can't be on my baseball team!

I'm gonna be on the opposing baseball team! I guess that's how baseball works, that's fair. Yeah, there needs to be two teams. There's nothing I can do about that. Theoretically, there'd be more than two teams, but. Ah. No, I just want the one team. And then like, it's like a Harlem Globetrotters thing.

They always play the same other team. You haven't thought this out at all. No. OK. Hellbiscuit, you win. That's going to be Crudibird's turn. Cool. I'll use a hero point to stabilize.

Right. OK, yeah. So if you use your hero point, you don't gain the wounded condition. So you are good. You're at 0 HP, wounded 0. Right on. Nice.

So you, yeah, you look at your brother and your dad, your new family, and you dig deep. Your grandfather, Faraj, too, blesses you. And you put off death for another day. Thanks, granddad. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. And that is going to bring us back up to Cinnamon. blesses you and you put off death for another day. Thanks, Granddad. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. And that is going to bring us back up to Cinnamon.

OK, Ginger, go! Administer a healing potion. Rr, rr, rr. Yeah, that's good. So Ginger's going to go, and because she has the manipulate ability, she can administer a healing potion. Wow.

Rr, rr, rr. You can open bottles, you're amazing. And I have to use an action to command her. So she, and she uses her action to stride and then interact. And then I will. Yeah, what does a healing potion do in this? It's just one D8.

Cool. And then I will shoot a needle. One. Fuck. Oh my God. Oh my God. And then I will shoot. Ginger, come on dude. Okay, I'm gonna try and. And then I will shoot. Ginger, come on, dude.

Okay, I'm gonna try and shoot a needle dart at him. Okay. Although I don't know that I can hit his AC. Ah, 19 out of the die becomes a 27. Whoa! Nice. That hits. Okay.

Fuck yeah. Good job, dad. Good job, dad. I feel really sick. You can pitch, dad. Dad, I'm gonna throw up. This is your fucking dad. Your dad sucks. What? You don't know anything. Eight piercing damage.

It's just some really some cloves. Why do these smell so good? Yeah well because they are very expensive spices. And you just flung them at me? Yeah yeah I'm reckless. We could charge people a premium for these. What are you doing? Because I've seen the corruption that happens when you deal spices, and I'd rather give them away for free violently.

I'm going to make you my spice boy when I'm done. You're just going to sit next to me and give me spices when I want them for all of my various chicken nuggets. I'll have you know, earlier today I was a boy, but since then I've learned the responsibility of fatherhood and I now consider myself a man. Wow.

That's my dad. Aren't you like 70? He's 40. No, I'm just a really rough 40. Oh, god. Yeah. It's like when you look at a picture of somebody from the 70s and they're 40 and they look like they're 80.

Guess I shouldn't throw stones. I'm a pretty enormous baby so you know. You're a huge baby. You speak really well for a baby. Thank you. There's something going on in here. I feel like I'm constantly growing and I must constantly feed. So that's what I'm gonna do right now. So the dragon, it's the dragon's turn. He's going to jump down off of this mushroom and he's going to go for Hellbiscuit. Ah, shit. So it's a stride movement to get down

and then he's going to take, let's see, two attacks on Hellbiscuit. Do I get an attack of opportunity if he strode somewhere? Shit. Do you have that ability? Did you take that feat? I think so. I think that's like-

It's on my character sheet. Yeah, I think that's a standard level one thing. Yeah. Yeah, you know what? I think I'll allow that. Yeah, he kind of like jumped down. So he took a second to like absorb the recoil of like leaping down from this mushroom. So yeah, in that moment, I'll let you take an opportunity to attack. Oh yeah. Well, I missed. You got to work on fundamentals. See this dragon wearing a baseball cap. You gotta work on fundamentals. See this dragon wearing a baseball cap. You're gonna kill me, dude.

I fucking know you're gonna kill me. Okay, so first attack. 18 to hit. Yeah, oh yeah. That's really bad for me. 15. Oh shit, I really hope he misses next time. And then three more poison damage, 18 damage.

I'm dead. Fuck. Oh God. Okay, okay. I guess he'll stride towards where Crudbert is now, but that's gonna be the rest of his movement. Okay. Okay, so that's the dragon's turn.

Hellbiscuit, that is you. You have the dying one condition. Oh jeez. And I do have one hero point. Oh, okay, yeah, you. You have the dying one condition. Oh, geez. And I do have one hero point. Oh, okay, yeah, you can stabilize as well. I can stabilize. Oh, so you use your turn to stabilize. Okay, I'm all right, I'm good.

And then Crudbert, you are back up. That is your turn. Oh, man. Okay. I call to Farosh to and say Granddad, yeah, I think I might be joining you on the unending battlefield soon. Cool. Yeah, it'll be pretty rad I just need some more fucked up magic to do just a couple more things And he will cat use three actions to cast a three action heal and heal all three of us.

Whoa. 15 HP. Nice. Blood starts pouring out of your big sparkling eyes as you reach out to Farash too. And you actually see the blood that had fallen from you and Helbis get just, get sucked back into your bodies. Yeah. Saving a spot on the bench for you, big guy. Thanks. I don't know if I want that blood back. And that's all of my action economy.

All right, so that's Crudbert Cinnamon, that's back up to you. Okay. See this dragon is pissed off that you're still alive. Yeah, yeah. I did my breath weapon, what the fuck? Are we still standing? I just realized I actually could have taken another, Miniman, that's back up to you. Okay. See, this dragon is pissed off that you're still alive. Yeah, yeah. I did my breath weapon, what the fuck? Are you still standing?

I just realized I actually could have taken another, I only took one feat, I should have leveled up. Oh. Damn. Okay, well, I'm just gonna command Ginger to come back to my side. Okay. Oh wait, Ginger is up in the mix.

Can I command Ginger to flank the dragon? Can you flank a dragon? I don't know. Because ginger is my side right now. I have another potion on me if you want to heal like hell biscuit up even more or something. But if I flank, if we flank the dragon then we can get uh minus two to the AC and the AC is really hard to hit. The dragon's right up on me anyway. So if you just get on the other side. Can you flank a dragon is the AC. Yeah, I mean that'd be sick. And AC's really hard to hit. It'd be huge. The dragon's right up on me anyway. Yeah. So if you just get on the other side.

Can you flank a dragon is the question. This makes it, a tiny creature is unable to flank unless it's able to use a weapon with reach or has a melee unarmed attack. Well, Ginger isn't tiny right now because she has the ability Master's Form, so she's my size. Oh.

So there's just a giant tree shrew your size like walking around on the battlefield? No, she kind of looks like me. Okay. Yeah, I think I can read Master's Form word for word. So every day I can choose, I don't know if it's four or five, I think it's five abilities for Ginger to have.

And one of the ones I chose for her today was one that I just thought was weird, called Master's Form. Your familiar can change shape as a single action, transforming into a humanoid of your ancestry with the same age, gender, and build of its true form. Though it always maintains a clearly unnatural remnant of its nature, such as a cat's eyes or a serpent's tongue. The form is always the same each time it uses this ability.

This otherwise uses the effects of humanoid form. I don't know what that is. Yeah, so it turns into a human. What is the animalistic quality that remains? It keeps the bushy tail of the tree shrew. It's very cute. Do you see this version of Cinnamon runs forward with its bushy tail? Meep meep meep meep meep meep meep meep meep! And yeah, it is going to flank against this dragon. What the fuck is that

thing? It's me. No. And then I'm going to try to hit it with a cantrip again. All right. Okay. Shit, this thing could be our mascot. Yep. No, that's gonna mess. Okay. Is that your turn? Yeah. Okay. That is the dragon yet again. Okay, it has been one round since the dragon used his breath weapon. This is the second round. The round after this, I can use it again. Hasn't gotten it back yet. So Crudbert, you and Hellbiscuit are up in the mix with the dragon.

The dragon is being flanked currently. Who is Ginger flanking with? Crudbert or Hellbiscuit? Probably Hellbiscuit. up in the mix with the dragon. The dragon's being flanked currently. Who is Ginger flanking with? Crudbert or Hellbiscuit? Probably Hellbiscuit. He hits all the time. Okay, cool. So the dragon's going to go for Hellbiscuit again. Oh no.

Okay, 30. Jesus Christ. Yeah, what? I feel like you're different than us. The Grimstone Lord. I'm feeling good, yeah! That's 13 damage and then... Good God.

Two poison damage. Ah, yeah, I'm down again. Yes, I fucking rule. I'm so good at this. Oh man. Oh wow. Ow! Wow.

I'm gonna own this town. This is gonna be so cool. Yeah, you actually might! I do think that's odd during the favor. That's actually plausible. I can't wait to have fish whenever I want! This is gonna be so sick! This is such a fucking stupid plan, you asshole! So, Hellbiscuit is down.

My son! Okay, so I guess he's gonna stride over to Crudbert. Cool. This is gonna have the attack penalty on it, so that's minus four. Minus five. Unless he's agile. He's using a claw. Okay.

So, 22. Yeah, we got it. Seven damage. Okay. And that is the dragon's turn. I'm gonna get a bunch of chefs to invent sushi. And I'm not gonna let anyone try it. What?

Yeah. Why? I don't know what sushi is, but they're gonna invent it for me. It's just, I came up with a word. It's already invented. You called it sushi. Yeah, it's been invented. What the fuck are you talking about?

We have to kill this guy. I'm dead and that's bad. Oh yeah, and yeah you've used your hero point. Shit. So that is the dragon's turn. Hellbiscuit, you are down. Go and give me a death save or a recovery check as it's called. That's going to be an 11. Just need to beat an 11.

Yeah. What happens in Pathfinder when you roll a nat 1? 2, you're dying 2 now. Or dying 3. He goes from dying 1 to dying 3. What? My son! Okay! Ow! My son.

Okay, wow, god, this is a fucking tough fight. Yeah, yeah. No fucking kidding. Yeah. Um, so that was Hellbiscuit's turn. Crudbert is back around to you. Yeah, yeah, no fucking kidding. Yeah. So that was Hellbiscuit's turn. Crudbird is back around to you. Okay, god damn it. Get ready for the best fucking healing turn

you've ever fucking heard. I walk over to Hellbiscuit, I start just bleeding everywhere, my face melts off, and I cast an infernal spell to bring back my dude for... Fuck yeah! 17 life!

That's two actions and then I'm gonna... Oh yeah, just the one... Two actions and then I'll do an action to use something called Battle Medicine. And I make a medicine check. And I pass it! I will do an action to use something called battle medicine. And I make a medicine check. And I pass it. I have a DC 15 medicine check. Yeah.

Give him another 2d8 HP. Whoa. Whoa. Bro. Ha ha ha. You guys are real team players. This is incredible. Another 10.

Damn, you got good blood, brother. Yeah. Yeah. Damn, damn, that's good blood brother! Yeah! Yeah! Damn! We all do. We all do. We all do. That's because we're family.

We're a family. We met two hours ago. We share blood now. This is going to be great. A traveling baseball family. Yeah. There's no way I'm going to kill you now. I'm going to trap you and force you to play baseball in my town.

No. Okay. That's my turn. That's an incredible fucking turn way to go Crudbert Cinnamon that is back up to you. Okay, I'm gonna use Drain Bonded item as an action to be able to cast a spell that I already cast And I'm gonna try it hit and hit with Briny Bolt. Okay, Briny Bolt do it. Come on and I'm gonna try and hit with Briny Bolt. Okay. Briny Bolt, do it.

Come on. Briny Bolt. That's a fucking nat one. Dude, reroll the, use your hero point. Oh yeah. Okay, gonna use my hero point, come on. Come on, Cinnamon, you are an expensive spice. You are sought after.

People have traveled the world on camels and in spice junkers. You hear your father say, I named you Cinnamon because you make me choke. Grrr. Ha ha ha. Nat 20! Oh my God!

No! Ha ha ha ha! Cinnamon! Oh yes! Cinnamon! Oh my God. That was beautiful. That's incredible.

Okay. The entire sea trade wells up within you. The smell of the ocean, cinnamon wafting on the waves. You blast this dragon with a powerful force of all of the navigational magic of the spice trade behind you. That is 16 bludgeoning damage for some reason.

And he's blinded for one round and dazzled for one minute. Yes! I'm dazzled too, dad! I'm dazzled, dad, I'm sweet! Blinded and dazzled. And I think dazzled means anytime he tries to hit us, he has to roll a D20, and if he rolls a five, he automatically misses.

Five or lower or just a 5? Five or lower. Oh shit, okay. Or maybe it's 1 through 4, whatever. I think it's five or lower. It says all creatures and objects are concealed from you, which means you are difficult for one or more creatures to see due to some obscuring feature. That's the D dazzling effect.

While concealed, you're tougher to target. A creature that you're concealed from must succeed a DC five flat check when targeting you with an attack spell or other effect. If the check fails, then you aren't affected by the attack. Fuck, this old man's got serious swagger. Okay. 16 damage and he's dazzled. I am personally dazzled over here. That was incredible.

That was incredible, Dad. Pretty damn good. And I want to square up with him and say, why are you going after my sons? You should be coming after me. This world deserves to be mine I was made to rule this world don't you understand that why are you going after young pups when there's a big dog here 39 40 you're too old to matter it's time for you to step aside and let the three-month-olds take over. Ah, is it possible, baby?

Okay. God damn, what a fucking turn. Where are you situated, by the way? I mean, I just have been out in the open ever since, because I haven't been able to take cover. Because I've used up on my action economy. I think, like, you've made this dragon fucking mad. He is going to stride towards you. Stride towards me.

And he's going to go ahead and take. Stride to me. Oh, do I get an opportunity attack if he's going to stride away from me? Oh, you do. Yeah, he's going to stride. Absolutely you do. Where are you going?

That's only a 17. Nah. It was worth a shot. Yeah, that unfortunately misses. He kind of like whacks you with his wing as he rushes by. Ow. And I think he's mad. He's so mad that he's not thinking tactically.

He's gonna use his breath weapon on you. Okay. But it's not gonna hit anyone else. Okay. You don't know what you're talking about, old man! Let me see if concealed has any effect on the breath weapon thing. Are you concealed? We're all concealed.

Oh, dazzled. Because he's dazzled, all of us are concealed from him now. has any effect on the breath weapon thing? Are you concealed? We're all concealed. Oh, dazzled, yeah. Because he's dazzled, all of us are concealed from him now. That's a great question, yeah. It says, you're tougher to target. A creature that you're concealed from must succeed a DC five flat check when targeting you with an attack spell or other effect.

So I think just when you take an action, you roll to see if you're dazzled. You have to hit a five. So if you hit, roll a four, three, two, or one, then he would not. For flavor, I really like this. I'm going to say he's like rushing towards you. You see his eyes are squinting

because they're just full of brine. There's kind of like a yellow gunk coming out of them. He can use the interact action to rub his eyes and no longer be blinded, but he is still dazzled. Okay. Oh, so he's blinded and dazzled? Yeah, he's blinded and dazzled. Okay.

You can't get un-dazzled. No, you can't just get un-dazzled. Yeah. I'll say he uses his action to wipe his eyes. You see there's just like a ton of like sulfurous gunk in them now. But then he is going to roll this DC five check to see if he targets you in the right direction.

That's a 16. He does manage to target you correctly. Say DC 24 reflex save. Okay. Oh geez. Oh no. Okay. You got it dad.

Reflex, okay. So gotta get an 18 or higher. Yeah. I got it. I just crit again. Yay! Look at it, Murph, is it not a crit? Hell yeah. Is it not a crit?

I think on a crit you take- That bumps up, right? You take zero damage on a crit, I think. Really? It counts as a critical success. It counts as a critical success, yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. It's gross.

Wait, wait, wait, describe to me what it looks like as this dragon wipes the tears from its eyes, seething with the rage of youth. A big yellow ball of bile forms in its mouth and it launches it towards you. What do you do? I fear nothing. I let the breath, the acid of the breath, dissolve all my clothing. What?

What? Revealing my aging body and all its beauty. Whoa, there's a lot of moles. Are those all little gingers? The fuck? How many familiars do you have, Dad? You need to get new underwear. The waistband is really loose. You have done that. You need to get new underwear.

The waistband is really loose. My flesh remains untouched by the acid. Wow, it's just moving. I look like I just came out of a sauna. I have like a healthy plumpness to me now. Wow. You said, so it's like Daenerys Targaryens? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my god.

What the fuck? What the fuck is this? I am cinnamon. I am an expensive spice. You will be my spice. You're going on my rack. That is the dragon's turn. It kind of spins a free action to do a little tantrum,

but then that is going to be Hellbiscuit. Oh shit. You're back up from getting healed, right? Yeah. Very healthy. This dragon is seething. You can see that it's like foaming at the mouth a little bit. Its eyes are kind of flashing with this ominous purple.

Its body is still kind of pulsing as its muscles continue to grow. And it is just absolutely furious at all of you. Stay away from my new dad. So I will stride over to the dragon. Man, I'm trying to decide if I want to concentrate and make this sword catch on fire or if I want to take two attacks with a penalty. I think I probably want to make this sword catch on fire or if I want to take two attacks with a penalty.

I think I probably want to make the sword catch on fire because then I only, then I don't need to take the attack penalty. Yeah, yeah. So that's what I'll do. And you can flank with Cinnamon. So minus two AC. Oh, that's true, yeah.

Oh, flank with me, my son. You mean Ginger? No, the dragon is going for Cinnamon, right? So he goes up behind the dragon. Yeah, good call Oh flank with me my son Whoa, I'm flanking with my dad This is incredible All right, since I'm flanking with my dad. I'm not gonna light the sword on fire. I'm gonna just go for two attacks

Okay, so the first That's a nat 20 So the first, that's a nat 20. Yes! Yes! Oh fuck. Our dice were like, you're gonna lose this if we don't intervene spectacularly. We have to show off.

Yeah, Jake, you don't know what you're doing, so we're gonna roll really well. My next attack is, does a dirty 20 hit him now? Yes, that is his AC exactly now. Hell yeah. That is, yes. 28 damage. Yeah.

Hellbiscuit, finish this shitty dragon. Whoa! No! No! I'm gonna get the blacksmith to make me a cyber truck. No, dude. I'm gonna let my brother drink your blood. Yeah!

What the fuck now? Let's bathe in the blood. No, dude, I'm gonna let my brother drink your blood I'm the designated hitter for this baseball team now I'm gonna hit him AHHHH! HAHA Holy shit! You swing for the fucking seats and nail a home run on this dragon's ass. He falls over dead. Fish odor just pouring out of his mouth.

His impotent bile just like leaking on to the floor of this cave now. And you have successfully saved Otari from the draconic menace that plagued it. Who are you? OK, let's go get cash. Yeah. Yeah. I think let's, I'm going to really end decorously,

kind of decapitate the dragon to bring the head to Tamale. And let's bring the rest of it to the Grimstone Lord. Yeah, we'll bring the body as a offering to the Grimstone Lord. Hey, Granddad, we brought you some impotent bile. Damn, I died twice. Are we splitting 10 gold three ways? No, I think we each get five more gold.

We get five more gold, but I thought we agreed we were gonna put it to getting a subscription. We're gonna put ten gold into getting a subscription. To musical accompaniment. So then we can listen to a whole song. Yeah, listen to a whole song, and we have to buy baseball uniforms.

Yeah. Yeah. That's gonna clean us out. Yeah. That's all right. Yeah. Oh yeah. Hey, we got a lot more adventures to make, so we can make a baseball team. I just gotta say, the two of you, I didn't see you coming my way,

but damn, I give you both a forehead kiss. Hey, I love you, Dad. This is the best day of my life and I got thrown off a cliff before. So, Cinnamon, you link arms with your two new sons. You head back to the surface, you claim your award. What song, what's the first song you play on your- I don't know, cause I still can't control it.

We just don't have ads now. Okay, let's pull up a playlist that is just 90s rock hits and see what it plays. I'm actually going to do that right now. Just pull it up. Yeah. Do you want to do it? Do you want to do it?

Do you want to do it? You can do everything all at once. You want to do it? Everything I want Ha ha ha I want those Tell my dramatic fools No running to the bone No doubt about it Ha ha ha Amazing

Perfect Absolutely perfect So you all rock out to Basket Case as you trot happily to the notice board where you post a sign saying that there are now tryouts for the first ever Otari baseball team. Woo! And that is where we'll end our session.

Oh yeah! Absolutely. Woo! Wow. I thought we were dead. I really thought that was like a TPK. Yeah. And the dice showed the fuck.

I mean, like three or four Nat 20s saved us. We had three Nat 20s in a row. Yeah. That was, god, the dice showed up. I mean, like three or four nat 20s saved us. We had three nat 20s in a row. Yeah. That was, God, the dice. Yeah. But I did roll a bunch of ones and twos throughout these sessions. So it was locked and loaded for some drama.

We also had very bad luck as to when we got downed, as to when we were in the turn order. Cause like, if I was brought up, I could have healed on that one turn instead of just being knocked out and wasting a hero point. Same thing, I brought back Hellbiscuit, but only after he lost his turn. It was really good that you were playing a cleric

because this adventure- Yeah, the adventure is designed for four players. Oh, yeah. Oh. So that explains why it's so tough, yeah. Ginger had an ability to heal me, but I looked it up, I could only do it to me. Yeah, well, all right.

We did it. Great work, Caldwell, this was super fun. Of course, thanks so much for playing. Y'all did an amazing job. I think Pathfinder's pretty fucking fun. I really enjoyed all these spells. Yeah, yeah. It really delighted me.

A lot of very flavorful spells that Cinnamon really demonstrated. My thorn is that overselling flourish didn't work. Where you act like something hurts you so bad that it distracts them. I'm excited to go through your full spell list. Yeah, I'll walk you guys through everything I chose that felt appropriate to Cinnamon.

Yeah, great. Yeah. Great. Yeah, we need a deep dive. And one more thing we are, next week we're gonna do surprise round to give us a little bit of, we've been recording campaign episodes, getting ready for the final arc of campaign three. Surprise. So giving myself a little bit of a buffer. So next week we'll be surprise round

and then we'll be on to campaign three. Hell yeah. Hot. In the meantime, you can follow us on social media that Ramiro may not use at ch vs me at called is Caldwell at a extra demo lane at jacob is Jake and you tweet about the show using hashtag nad pod that's NADDPOD. We are we are the youth of the nation we are we are the youth of the nation. Sometimes I give myself the creeps. And just like that, it's time to thank our benevolent council of elders. Brad D. Jeffrey S. Lord of the Fjord.

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