Not Another D&D Podcast - Pathfinder Two-Shot: Menace Under Otari (Part 1)

Episode Date: May 31, 2024

The 2 Crew finally dives into the world of Pathfinder 2E! Join Game Master Caldwell Tanner, as well as Hellbiscuit (Jake Hurwitz), Krudbert (Brian Murphy) and Cinnamon (Emily Axford) as they crack open the Beginner Box and attempt to solve a fishy mystery lurking beneath the streets of Otari.CREDITSMixing and Sound Design - Daniel Ramos (@Schubirds on Twitter & @Dr.Schubird on IG)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Hello friends and welcome. Not to bohomia. What? No, sorry. Where am I? Get out of your mind. I prepped a ton.

And we're not welcome? What? Why did you prep? We really should have figured this out. Yeah, we should chat every once in a while. Why do you have a DM screen open too? Hey. Fine, I take out my own DM screen.

That's right, folks, we are not in Bohemia. We're not in Trinnavale, but we are in fact in the village of Otari. Ooh. Otari. Oh. Otari. Otari.

Otari. Don't tarry in Otari. It's dangerous. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, ohace under Otari. Oh, okay, I'm into it now. I'm cod-raised. Not necessarily. Shit, I need to rebuild my character. I have a new idea. We begin on Boonta's ease. Don't know what that means. But anyway, I will be serving as our game master

for these sessions. And to get everyone started, you've got characters that have been pre-built that you're going to be using. You've tweaked them a little bit. You've changed the name. Emily's tweaked very little. I've tweaked very little about my character. I was delighted by the description of the wizard. So I'm using his backstory,

but I've given him what is in my opinion, more appropriate spells based on his backstory I'm using the Cleric character, but I have changed the whole background and name and voice and everything great We're gonna be meeting all of these characters momentarily But before that let me tell you a little bit about the place where our adventure begins Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, sorry auto parts But before that, let me tell you a little bit about the place where our adventure begins. Otari. Oh, oh, oh, Otari, auto parts.

Is that everywhere? Do they have O'Reilly auto parts commercials? At least Tennessee to Connecticut. So I feel like we got the country covered. I knew what he was talking about. The East Coast is feeding. Yeah. People who are 40 years old are feasting on the O'Reilly auto bit.

Yeah. If you're 40 and you've got a car, you're loving this. Sadly, in this world, there are no O'Reilly's auto parts. No, I literally just wrote down, look for a mechanic. I cross it out. But this world is known as Artea. And our adventure is going to take place in a small seaside town known as Otari

on the bustling continent of Mabarac. Ooh. Fresh fish and skilled sailors are in abundance here. But above all, the town of Otari is known for its lumber. In fact, this small town serves as one of the primary suppliers of wood to the nearby metropolis of Cessillonia. But for you, Otari is a place of opportunity. Recently you saw an ad posted in the town square about a problem at the Otari fishery.

It seems a beast has been lurking in the basement and feeding on the salted fish stored there. Folks are growing worried that whatever's eating the fish might get hungry enough to eat the fisherman next. With a town guard busy protecting the logging operation, the owner of the fishery is in need of a few brave souls to venture down into the basement of her warehouse and put an end to the creature or creatures that are feasting on her fish. The haters are in the basement and they are feasting. The haters are absolutely feasting on fish. You three realize that this is the moment you've been searching for.

If you manage to slay whatever is lurking beneath Otari, you can prove your worth as adventurers and maybe earn a little gold in the process. And so, with that in mind, you three set out towards the fishery in hopes of vanquishing the menace under Otari. Ooh. Whoa. So yeah, as I mentioned, I'm using the Pathfinder Beginner Box.

Adventure is inspiration here. I've homebrewed and streamlined a few aspects of the module to make it a little more podcast friendly and to put my own little stink on it. Nice. I love a Caldwell stink. Yeah. You know what?

Dude, this thing reeks already. It smells fucking foul in here. Well, the people can't smell because it's a podcast. It's rank. It's rank with Tanner. But I want to like translate that smell into audio form. You guys are smelling it. You're getting whiffed.

Yeah. Yeah. You're pheromones. But yeah, also it's worth mentioning, this is the second edition box, not the second edition remaster. So some of the monsters and spell names might be a little different, but it's all basically the same, I think.

Fuck! I have- I'm sorry. I have updated my character, so he is for the remastered version. Damn it, I haven't. I didn't even know there were two different things, so let's do it. Well, we'll delve into that more when we talk on our Patreon, but for now let's begin our adventure! Yeah!

It is a warm and sunny day in the village of Otari. The salty breeze of the ocean mingles with the pungent odor of freshly caught fish. And in the distance, a giant waterwheel turns lazily, casting a massive shadow over the cobbled streets of Otari. And from that shadow, our three heroes emerge. You stride towards a building whose sign reads, Otari Fishery, the fishiest business in town. Below this text, you also notice that someone has hastily scrawled the words,

not a tavern. You make your way to the front door of the Otari Fishery, but before you can enter, the fishery doors fly open and a bunch of disappointed nobles in fancy blazers exit the store. Behind them, a halfling woman with red hair and an overstuffed fishing vest

bids them farewell. Sorry to disappoint, gentlemen, but if you want to purchase a few pounds of salted mackerel or perhaps a bucket of chub, please come back at any time. She then turns to you with a blank but apologetic grin. Oh, sorry, people keep thinking this is some sort of speakeasy, even though the sign clearly states that it's just a fishery and not a tavern. Anyway, who are you three? What are you doing here? Hi, my name is cinnamon Oh shit, actually my name is Ezrin the wise I'm trying to do sort of a personal PR

I know I keep introducing myself that way Oh, hey, yeah, I'm hell biscuit nice to meet ya. Yeah, we just met, all three of us. We have really similar voices. What's your name? Oh shit. Are you two twins? No. No, I'm not.

Are you sure? Because there's a long history. I just know this guy. I have no idea who you are. You guys are all talking over each other quite a lot. I think, why don't we go one at a time? And to get in the Pathfinder spirit, how about everybody roll initiative

with your society stats to see who goes first? Oh, come on, that's so fun. I have a plus zero to society, because I'm a menace. I have a plus four to society. Hellbiscuit has a plus one. 12. 14.

I got a five. Hellbiscuit's a plus one. 12. 14. I got a five. Hellbiscuit gets fucking socks, dude. Hellbiscuit got a five? Yeah, I got a 12. 12. I got 14. All right, then Cinnamon AKA Esmond the Wise. Why don't you go first? Okay, well I'll just kind of read a bit

of my backstory from this page. Esmond was raised as the younger son of a successful spice merchant. He enjoyed the comforts of a well-to-do family, lived in a neighborhood relatively free of crime with no lofty ambitions. Relatively free, okay. However, when his father was accused of corruption, Ezran was determined to prove his father's innocence. To his shock, the accusations were true. Oh shit!

Outraged, Ezran left home and began studying magic on his own, but no wizard would take a 40-year-old as an apprentice. Are you only 40? You sound so old. No, I'm 40. I'm cusping on 41, but yeah, 40. You have pure white hair. You look ancient. Yes, I'm 40. I'm cusping on 41, but yeah, 40. Cusping.

Pure white hair, you look ancient. Yes, I know. I should be Ezra, Ezra the Grey, or Ezra the Silver, but I'm really trying to go for Ezra and the White. Wow. So yeah, and in terms of how I look, it looks like I'm wearing a tunic over some wizard robes and a bunch of runes I don't understand.

Yeah because you are a level 1 40 year old wizard. I say if you cosplay it you will be coming. Yeah no it's true. Those runes are glowing quite bright should they be doing that? I don't know. Fair enough. Anything else you'd like to tell us about yourself? Is it Esrin or Cinnamon? Well, okay. He introduced himself as Cinnamon to me, so I gotta help him with Cinnamon. Then you started talking to the third person for a long time. Well, you know, Cinnamon will talk in the third person.

It's just sort of an older man thing that you do as you reflect on your life as a 40 year old man. You're only like 10 years older than me, I'm 30. What? I could have sworn you were 13. Why? What happened to your voice? My voice? Age.

Age. Age, but not a lot of age. When you hit 39, you drop an octave. Really, okay. Interesting. Oh shit. Which is crazy, cause I'm 42 and I just, I feel like I look a little better than you.

That's insulting to say. Do you do yoga? Yeah, I do a lot of yoga. Yeah, so that's what you're saving grace. Get part of it, that's definitely part of it. Yoga kombucha probably in your habit. And you don't do these things? No.

How do you do yoga? How do you do kombucha? Well, they make a lovely fish kombucha, which I drink every day. Oh, that's absolutely foul. Keeps me young though. Cinnamon wretches. Oh shit!

Oh jeez! I'm sorry for being gundsdentution. Oh man. I believe you there, you wanted to go next? Yeah, my name's Crudbert. I was part of a... I am, sorry no, was part of a cult called the Priests of the Bloody Chalice.

We worshiped Farosh too, the Grimstone Lord. All hail the Grimstone Lord. Uh, it was all good times for a while until this guy Torval took over and he got like really serious and he sent me out to go find a sacrifice but I was like like, oh, I don't know, this guy seems like a nice guy. So I don't want to sacrifice him. And then they're like, okay, we'll sacrifice you instead. And then they threw me off a cliff and I went in the water and then I thought I was going to drown and then I just washed a bunch of my short hair.

Yeah. So I'm soaking wet. This just happened. This is really recent. Mirror hours ago. I hadn't even slept. So those are the This just happened. This is really recent.

Mere hours ago, I hadn't even slept. Very fresh. So those are those sort of marks on your body, or sacrificial wounds? Sacrificial. Well, there was some scrapping, sort of. I was like, no, don't sacrifice me. I'm not ready yet to go to the endless slaughter fields.

And I was slapping everyone, and they were slapping me. And then I got thrown off the cliff and then I was trying to swim but my arm was really heavy and then I got washed ashore by a big wave. Cinnamon gets really serious and presses his forehead to your forehead and says, a coat run by a Grim Lord sounds like family to me. You're my new best friend, Cinnamon.

You see, Crudbert has like rusty chainmail and just like patchwork armor and then a fucked up tavern of a chalice overflowing with blood. He's a little green goblin with huge dewy eyes that radiate kindness despite the fact that he was at one point in a death cult and wants to be in one again. Wow, isn't all of life a death cult? Yeah.

This redheaded halfling woman is just like, well, I simply don't know what to make of you. Yeah, that's okay. I think you're great. I actually have never related deeper to someone. She just puts a towel over your head. Yeah, I'm so pretty soaked. Yeah, you're so wet.

And what about you? What about you, friend? What's your story? Oh, I'm Hellbiscuit. Yeah, I- That's your given name? What's up? That's your given name?

That's just what everybody called me on the farm that I worked at. I was a farm man. I worked on the, I worked on the Lombard yard and uh. That's a really extreme nickname for a farm. What the fuck did they have you doing out there? Yeah, I guess like I ate a biscuit and then I had diarrhea and.

Oh, okay. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh, I'm in there. I ate a biscuit and then I had diarrhea and Okay Oh yeah I would have done the same thing I would have done the same thing I got food poisoning and now my nickname is hellbiscuit for it Oh that's right Yeah they had to shut down the log flume that day That was no good

I clogged the outhouse, nobody's ever done that before Yeah there's just a hole in the ground He blocked the hole hole. Yeah. Damn. But then I stole a tree, so now I lost my job, because I stole a tree. You stole a tree?

What kind of tree? A whole tree? Because I have ambitions towards trees. It was a small elm tree, I thought it was really cool, and they wanted us to chop it down. Oh man. I don't want to slide to get thrown off a cliff and exiled. Can I just

give some clarification? They wanted to chop down the tree. So in protest you stole the tree which would somewhat involve removing the tree also. I unrooted it. I put it on a big wagon. You could have potted that bad boy for sure. Have you potted or replanted it? I'm still looking for the right spot. Have you potted or replanted it? He would have potted it. I'm still looking for the right spot. You're still looking for the right spot. Do you currently have the tree on you?

Oh yeah, oh yeah. You guys didn't see me wheeling in the tree. That's great. I thought that was just part of the scenery. Oh, that's great. Wow, well, Hellbiscuit, I know a thing or two about food poisoning, so you are also my brother now. What do you mean?

I have a very weak constitution. Everything goes through me like a log flume, actually. Oh, right. Absolutely. It's just truly so much information. Yeah. Okay, so somebody's eating your fish or something? Yes, yes, thank you very much. Okay, so just to be clear, so this is a tavern. No, no, it's a fishery. Oh, no, we sell the fish here.

I said bait tackle, that sort of thing. Oh, cool. Not a not a tavern, not a speakeasy. Yeah, I wouldn't have thought that until you brought it up. But now I'm kind of thirsty for a beer or something. Do you have any personal alcohol or anything? Like, it doesn't have to be for sale. Yeah, I'm sure I've got a large stash that's in there,

and I do have a beer on tap, but that's just for me personally. Oh, OK. Oh, that's awesome. All right. That's awesome for you. It's not for sale, though. It's just my own personal tap after a long day. Well, can we have it for free?

No, yeah, we don't have to. Don't be rude, Elvis. Can we show off rude as you wants to? I have to ask you. I'm sorry, what's your name again? Oh yes, my name is Tamalee, Tamalee Tandervale. Tamalee. Hey. I have to ask you, as a son of a corrupt spice merchant.

Wait, it's corrupt? Corrupt? Corrupt, what did your dad do? I don't know if we know exactly what he did. You wanna know the length of the corruption he went into? He sunk other, his competitor's spice barges. Oh dear. Cut his saffron with marigold petals.

Oh jeez, you can't do that. Diluted his cinnamon with clay. Oh! He assaulted the nutmeg fields of one of his competitors. Oh my God. And in general, bribing blackmail, murdering anyone who found out any of the aforementioned deeds, it went deep.

Okay, look, I feel like we could solve both of our problems at the same time if I could sacrifice you, Dad. That's really interesting. That's a really interesting idea. All right, we'll circle back. The reason I bring it up is, is there any chance that a competitor is actually doing this to your fishery? Because my dad used a

lot of these and he would make it look like oh oh no your spice mill has been haunted but actually it was just him sending his lackeys to go boo. Oh yeah Torble would do the same thing with the cold he was all just orgies and having fun for a while until Torble took over and said you guys have to start doing sacrifices. Oh, I don't see how that relates to this quite a much. So it's out of, you know, power and it corrupts. Damn Crudbert, you had an orgy? Yeah, a ton.

Congratulations. That's awesome. That's really cool. I'm more of a chivalric lover. I choose an object of my affection from afar. Oh, that's awesome, it takes all kinds. Yeah, so do you have any competitors that maybe you wanted to take down your fishery? I choose an object of my affection from afar. Oh, that's awesome. It takes all kinds. Yeah. So do you have any competitors

that maybe wanted to take down your fishery? Well, there are certainly a couple other fisheries in the local area. Yeah. But I don't think that it's a Scooby-Doo situation where somebody's- Well, you'd think it's not, and then your dad's corrupt. Did your dad ever dress up as a monster

to scare away competitors? All the time. Well, we used to dress up as a monster to scare away competitors? All the time. Well, we used to dress up like monsters all the time. We would do masquerades, you know, we'd do monster masks. Timmy's like looking around to see if there's anyone else that can help her. Crudbert, I gotta implore you to just take one second so I can ask who her competitors are. Yeah, oh, I'm so sorry.

May I just, I implore you. Yeah, just, again, this happened three hours ago. My life is shattered. I, oh I'm so sorry. May I just, I employ you. Again, this happened three hours ago, my life is shattered. Why are you, you can't get dry. I keep on patting you with the towel, you're still wet. No, I just stay wet, I don't know. Hey, good for you. So, who are your competitors?

Well, my main competitor is a larger fishery, a Swissers fisheries, which is in Cessalonia, in the metropolitan area. Yes, but we're closer to the sea, so our fish is fresher, and that's kind of like my claim to fame. All of their fish, they're having to import them. Oh, they'll get you for that. They're paying tariffs.

No, you're not getting fresh fish. Yes, exactly. Those are old fish. Unless they're using indirect routes and avoiding the tariffs like my father would do. I always prefer the mom and pop shops. Damn, your dad sounds bad. Yes. Everything wrong, he did it.

I'm gonna sacrifice your dad. Like a repeat offender. It wasn't just a one time thing. Just like rotten to the core, man. Maybe we should all go inside and I can explain a little more about the problem. Oh yeah. I would love to go inside. Let's go to the bar.

I'm not made for the elements. It's not a bar. Okay, I just feel like I wouldn't think it was a bar if it didn't say on the side that it wasn't a bar. Because it might be a speaking easy, we don't know. Do you have a Davenport I could take a nap on? Oh, I could go for a nap. I can't even get to sleep last night.

I could throw up a nap. I can't even get to sleep last night cause I had thrown up a cliff into the water. I do have several comfortable couches and chairs, but again, they're just for me to sit on. What? Oh, that's strange. Wow, you're as selfish as Cinnamon's dad. Definitely. Thanks for a second.

Is Cinnamon's dad behind this? Maybe. Ah, he has, he was talking about getting into sugar. Well, yes I do. I salt my fish to keep them, you know, preserved. Yeah, he is involved in the salt trade to an extent, though he does prefer clove and cardamom and coriander. What does he have his hand in?

Wow! Well, I've heard a loud chittering noise in the basement. I've been a little too scared to go down there myself. So I don't know if your dad is one to chitter, but if that's him or if he's like wearing some sort of monster disguise, it could be your dad or it could be Dinkle Swissell, my age old rival, Dinkleman Swissell.

Well, let me listen to the chittering because I've seen a few monsters in my day. We'd have this bed where there'd be this monster in it. And we'd kind of dance around and see who fell in. And it was super fun. Wow. That sounds delightful. Sounds like an absolute gas.

Oh, it was wonderful. My world is shattered. Well, Brother Crudbert and Brother Hellbiscuit, shall we, shall we skedaddle to the basement? Yeah, let's listen. Yeah, let's go see what Ch in the basement. Let's see what the show is all about. Okay. I open the door, but don't walk first.

Crudbert walks right in. Hellbiscuit pauses and looks at Cinnamon. Oh, should we let him go down and let us know how it is? Yeah, give him a, yeah, yeah. Shout back at us what you see. Yeah, sure, okay. Would it be okay if I went in first, actually? Yeah. Oh, now you're brave. Okay, yeah, yeah. Shout back at us what you see. Yeah, sure, okay. Would it be okay if I went in first, actually? Yeah.

Oh, now you're brave. Okay, okay, cool. Yeah, I thought you were afraid of the children. Well, it's just, we're on the top floor now. We haven't led you into the basement yet. Oh, interesting. It's a basement. Oh, okay.

Oh, we used to have a basement. How could the bloody chalice? You just walked right in the front door. Yeah, we thought the front door went right to the basement. I don't know how your house is laid out. Most of the places that we had at the Boyhood Chalice were kind of like lairs. So it'd be just like, the door would open. It wouldn't be like a foyer.

It would just be like a doomed staircase down into a basement. Oh, a new staircase. And then a sub-basement with a monster in it. And then a bigger monster down in a deeper sub-basement. Yeah, at the farm, there was often a bulkhead, too. There was a bulkhead and then some hay and then some lumber and stuff. Yeah.

Okay, I understand your mistake now. Yeah, you understand. Well, this is a normal house where the top floor is like a business. Don't dance too close to the edge. You might fall in the moisture leach. Ah ha ha. Tamalee leads you inside the fishery.

Wow, it smells like fish in here. Oh, nasty. Yes, yes. It's so fucking gross. Tamalee, I have to tell us it smells like fish in here. Oh, nasty. Yeah, that's- It's so fucking gross. Tell me, I didn't tell you it smells like fish in here. It's kind of overpowering. I don't know what you were expecting. Oh, I'm getting hurt.

I have to step outside for a second. I have to step outside. Seven wretches again, and then puts together some pomanders. I think that's what they're called, you know? People are like, they're like these things that people used to carry around so that they wouldn't have to smell bad smells.

Oh yeah, then you put on a pink mask. A little satchel. Get out of the way of that. I wear a pink mask all the time. Can I get a sniff? Everyone, we can share this. Just pass it around. Pass it around.

I put on one of my weird masks. Huff, huff, pass. Huff, huff, pass. Huff, huff, pass. Hellbiscuit snorts it. Hahahaha. Hellbiscuit snorts it. Hahahaha! Hellbiscuit! Be careful! Your spices are expensive and important.

You're out of control! Watch your tree! Your tree is banging up against the walls! Shit! Shit! Could you leave the tree outside, please? They're gonna find it if I leave it outside! They're still looking for the tree? They're looking for me and they're looking for the tree. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Okay. All right, all right, fine, yes. Anyway, I can crack a window if you'd prefer, but you're going into the basement, so it's not really gonna matter. Please take us to the basement of your lair, Tamalee. Please crack a window.

Yeah. She cracks a window, walks you through this fishery, which aside from the smell, does look like it would be perfect for speakeasy. Oh, wow. She pulls open a would be perfect for a speakeasy. She pulls open a bookshelf and reveals a hidden stairway. Okay, well this is just a speakeasy isn't it? It was like this when I moved in.

I don't know what you want me to say. Tamerlane, you have secrets you're not telling us about. This is just, you know, when I moved in here, there was just this secret basement. The realtor said that I could use it for storage. That's why I put all of the inventory records and whatnot currently. Can I do, is there some kind of, what is the equivalent of an insight check? Ooh.

I wanna know if she's telling the truth. Telling the truth? I've been hornswoggled before and I'm not, I'm not looking to entertain. Yeah, go and enroll me, society or perception if you want to ascertain if she's telling the truth about this house. They are the same for me.

So how many times do you say that you've been horn-spoggled? A big fat one by my father. Okay, shout out to the two crew, but it becomes a nine. A nine. Okay. With a nine, you think she might be telling the truth? You can't really tell beyond that. You do know that, like, Otari is a relatively old town,

just as far as, like, the history of this world goes. So it's been here a while. So, like, the previous owner certainly could have been using this for something separate, maybe as an actual tavern. You're not quite sure. So that's why. Yeah, she's still, you know, just your run of the mill lair. Everybody lives in an evil lair.

I tell Brother Crudbert and Brother Helmus get this information, but in a loud, gravelly whisper. Right, okay. Alright, so we all heard you. So Tamale opens this bookshelf, leads you down these long stairs into the basement of the Otari fishery. They creak with age as you make your way down in search of the beast that's been eating all of the fish.

And as you reach the floor, you see that in the center of the room, there are these four stone pillars holding up the fishery above, and everywhere are barrels filled with salted fish. Two of these barrels have been smashed open, spilling their contents onto the floor. And in the back of the room, you see a wall of shelves stuffed with supplies and inventory forms. To your right on the east wall, you see a huge hole which opens into the darkness. Tamale kind of just gestures to the barrels and the giant hole and says, well, there you go. As I stated in the flyer,

if you can figure out what's eating all the fish, I'll pay you 10 gold pieces each. And honestly, you know what? I'll throw in as much bait fish as you like. And maybe one pull of me old beer tap if you like to. All right, yeah. Hellbiscuit really confidently points at the hole and says I think he came in through there. Yes I inferred that much but you know I interesting theory but could have came up from a hole under the barrel. Oh yeah.

That's interesting too. Or could have teleported in. Oh, that's true! It teleported in, right, yeah. Or there could have been like a gaping hole open to like hell or something and they could have like summited in. We do that from time to time. Or they could have been eggs that were put in with the barrels that hatched and then burrowed their way out. Oh, we had the fish cut a lot ofx and then the eggs cut up in a monster. Oh, by the way, can we have our gold up front? Oh, yeah, can we have it up front?

We can just put a few, a deposit. Sometimes the investigation of unknown situations incurs costs that you don't actually have the money to cover because your father cut you off. Not yet. Give me diplomacy checks. I love all these new checks. I got a 14.

I look up at her with big, dewy eyes. I got a natural one. Hellbiscuit got an 18. 18? Come on. Yeah, come on, please. With an 18, Tamalee looks at you, looks at your tree, realizes you have so little in this world.

I need to buy water for this tree! Oh, shit. She takes so much pity on you and says, Alright, Jess, I'll give you five gold pieces up top and five on completion of the mission. Wow! Epic! No beer yet, though! Okay.

We can buy lunch, though, with a light. A little bit of beer. Just a little bit of beer. One flagon of beer. OK, fine. Thanks, Tamalee. Thanks, Tamalee. You're the best.

You're welcome. All right. OK, so again, chittering in that dark, mysterious hole. If you want to just check it out, I'm'm gonna go upstairs and keep inventorying the fish. I just got a bunch of Amberjack in. I'm very excited about it. Okay, Amberjack. Yeah.

Alright. Crockett, you wanna look in the hole? Yeah, I'll look in the hole. I'm gonna go walk around in the hole. Alright. Do we wanna check out the barrels or anything? Yeah, I think I'm gonna go over to where the inventors are and sort of look to see if these books have been docked. Okay. You guys, you look at the books, you look at the barrels, I'll look in the dark hole.

Alright, split up. Everybody give me any perception checks. Okay. Twenty-one! Ooh, nice. Fifteen. Hell yeah. Seventeen for Hell Biscuit. Seventeen. Okay. 21. Ooh. Nice. 15. Hell yeah. 17 for Hellbiscuit.

17. Okay. So Hellbiscuit, what are you looking at? Hellbiscuit goes over with a pitchfork. That's his weapon from the farm. Right. Okay. And he pokes at the barrel with a pitchfork.

Great. You poke at the barrel and you get a fork full of fish. It's salted. It smells pretty good. it's pretty well preserved. You do see there's a couple of fish skeletons on the ground here, you know, some fish heads left over. Oh wow, Heathcliff style. Absolute Heathcliff style. Maybe the monster's Heathcliff.

Cripper shivers. And then Cinnamon, you walk over to the inventory ledgers. Yeah, I'm gonna wipe some sweat from my brow that's accumulated in my brow whiskers. And just for fun, I'm gonna catch a little cantrip called musical accompaniment and all all it does is just, I'm surrounded by orchestral music that shifts and changes to match my behavior. So I get like a good like orchestral CSI investigation theme. Yeah, the numbers start appearing in your head.

Okay, so she imported this and then exported this and this math doesn't add up. Is that her fault or is it intentional? You look at all of these books and the only thing you notice is that in all the margins of these journals a Tamale has doodled pictures of her favorite baitfish and written things like Dace Rule and I Love Chub. I love Chub. Well, I relay this information. Hey, Danerline loves bait fish. Interesting.

I wonder if we're the bait fish and if the monster's gonna eat us? I press my forehead to crumper. You and I, you're my twin flame. Yes. We will one day sacrifice your father. Ha ha ha ha. As you share this Tinder moment, you hear a very loud, chittering noise coming from all holes in the wall.

Okay. Suddenly three massive rats rush towards you. Their huge teeth snapping wildly. Everybody roll initiative. I'm so excited. Did you guys see who ate the fish? Good shares, good shares. Oh man.

Which way did he go? In Pathfinder you roll initiative with a perception as opposed to your dexterity. Oh that makes sense. I got a nine. Shout out to the two crew. But I got a nine. Hellbiscuit got a ten. Fourteen for Cinnamon. I've been huffing the palmander the two crew. Nice. But I got a nine. Hellbiscuit got a 10. 14 for Cinnamania. All right, let me write these down.

I've been huffing the palmander, so I'm quite awake and alive. All righty. So the rats are going to go first. You, I will say, with your good perception, Crudbert, you're looking at them. They've got lots of drool and just slime dripping from their big, disgusting rat mouths. But you're not getting a whiff of fish on them, honestly,

strangely enough. Oh, interesting. Are you guys just here because you're mad at us, or are you here because you serve an eagle master? You know what? My dad used to keep rats on the spice bar to scare off the thieves. Are you here to scare off thieves? They're just mad?

Okay. What did we do? You see some very small rats in the corner wearing visors on their heads, like the rats in Muppets Christmas Carol, and they say, we're the rats that work in the shop! We're the shop rats! Those are not normal rats! Oh, jeez! Oh, okay.

Protect us! Protect us! Don't worry, we'll sacrifice them for you. Why didn't you say anything about it before? We were hiding! All right. We did a really good job hiding. You did, yeah.

That was a hard define. Okay, so the rats are gonna go first. They are gonna run out of the hole. Crudbert, you were right next to the hole, weren't you? Yeah, for sure. Okay, so what they're gonna do, they get three actions, this is a pathfinder thing, they get three actions to use.

One of the rats is gonna chomp on you because you're right next to it so it's gonna take three attacks. Here we go. Don't forget the multi-attack penalty. Oh don't worry I won't forget about the multi-attack penalty. I will remember the map. Yeah I guess they didn't move on this turn either or else they'd have to use an action to move but sure three attacks fucking whatever man. I think it's fair because you were like right next to them when they jumped out. Yeah no I

definitely just said I ran into the hole. I'm also there because I prissed my head against him. That is definitely true. God. Okay. So here are the attacks. Let's see. First attack is going to be an 18. Does that hit? Oh yeah.

Okay. Second attack, they are agile. So their multi-attack penalty is only minus four. So it's going to be 11 on the second attack. No. Okay. Misses. Okay. Final attack is going to be a 17. Oh, fuck yeah. four so it's gonna be 11 on the second attack no okay this is okay final attack it's going to be a 17 oh fuck yeah okay so that's gonna be two chomps Jesus

Christ see these guys had to it my twin flame I just met you that's good to be be just five damage. Ow. That's what just chomps down on you. Woo! Yeah, yeah. I've been here before. I got sacrificed earlier today. You were dead earlier, yeah. Yeah. The Grimstone Lord has other plans for me. OK, so that's the first rat.

Second rat, I will say that the second rat is going to have to stride on their turn to get to cinnamon. But they're also going to chomp at you. I'm going to roll two attacks since they used one action to stride. Okay. First attack is going to be a 26 to hit. That is a critical success because my AC is 15 and that's 10 above. So that's a critical success. So that is 15 and that's 10 above so that's a critical success.

So that means it does double damage. Thank you for reminding me of that. Oh yeah it's not just a regular dice roll it's if it's way over your what is it five over your AC or 10. So I am going to use this opportunity to cast overselling flourish. You make a grand as a reaction you make a grand spectacle of getting hit. Enhanced by magic, the spectacle features sprays of blood, anguished screams or other theatrics that appear to result from your foe's attacks.

The triggering creature must attempt a will saving throw. And if it fails, he's dazzled by my display. So I go, ah! Oh my God, you've hurt me. Oh, you've hurt me. Oh, you've hurt me. He's dazzled by my display. I'm sorry, guys. Ah! Oh my god, Cinnamon! Oh, you've hurt me. Cinnamon! What?

Cinnamon! You fucking killed him! You sacrificed him! You just met Cinnamon! Oh no, an old man of 40 he had to go after. It's not that old. I'm 30 and he's gonna be 40 not that long. It seems like he lived a long life, but he hasn't!

He wasn't that long! Uh, okay, so you two have his blood everywhere. Um, the rat was in the process of making another attack. Uh... But he has to do a will save. Oh, okay, alright, great. Let me do the will save. Ooh, that's a net 20!

Okay, it comes to 23, so he passes. So he passes, let me see what happens on the success because that's not a critical success. Unless you want to do it that nat 20s are natural 20s. So the way it works is if you get a nat 20, it increases your degree of success by one. So a 23 would have succeeded. So that means it does increase.

Oh, okay, okay, cool. People can call me out if that's wrong, but like that was from my understanding that if you get a nat 20, it increases your degree of success by one. Okay, so then he is unaffected. Okay, okay, cool. People can call me out if that's wrong, but like that was from my understanding that if you get a nat 20, it increases your degree of success by one. Okay, so then he is unaffected. Okay, great, yeah. See the rat?

The rat seems excited by all the blood. Kredbert is excited by the blood, but also concerned. Wait, wait, it's not your time! Take me, God. Okay, the Grimstone Lord. You're so young. Take Cinnamon into your bladed arms. So, for his second attack though, that was just a 10 minus the attack penalty of 4, so

that's just a 6. It misses. So, clearly interested in this jelly donut human that just spurts blood, but is a little distracted on the second attack. Great. And that is going to bring us, oh, there's one more rat. How much damage did he do? Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, let me do the damage real quick.

Because he crit once. Yes, it was a crit, so it's double damage. So just roll it once. Eight damage. Ah, that's half my hit point. Oh, god. Oh, jeez. And then there's one more rat.

Let's see. Hellbiscuit, you said that you were checking out the barrel of fish, so that one's gonna stride over to you. Whoa! That's their action. And then it's gonna take two more jaw attacks at you as well. So first one is going to be.

What did I do? I'm just looking at the fish! Ha ha! 25, what's your AC? It's 18. 18, okay, so not a critical, but that's gonna hit you. Second attack is going to be 24 minus 4, 20. So that hits as well.

So that's going to be two hits on you. Dude! That's nine damage to you. OK. So the rats have entered the fray. They're chomping. They're feasting. They're having a great day.

The tiny rats with visors that look like Rizzo are freaking out. Yeah. Get him, get him, get him. Come on. Get him out of here. Get him out of here. Get him out of here. All right, we're trying.

Did Tamalee pay you up front? Yeah, so. She doesn't pay us up front. What the heck? There was a deposit. We gotta talk to her about this. You need to unionize so you can get better things if you are just approved.

Do you guys want to join a cult? Maybe. OK, great. Tell us about it later. OK. OK, so now that is going to be us do cinnamon. Okay. I am going to whip up a bunch of spices in my hand and blow them at the two rats that

I can get a 15 foot cone on. This is a cantrip called ancient dust. So they do a fortitude save. Fortitude save. Alright, I'll do that for both of them. Well, Incredible Cinnamon, I thought you were dead! You must be chosen by Farosh too! Oh yeah, it's worth mentioning that in Pathfinder, instead of saves for every stat, you just have three saves. You've got Fortitude, Reflex, and Will. So it's a little simplified.

So this is gonna be a Fortitude save for the rats. Okay, the rat chomping you is gonna pass. It's gonna be a 24, so not a critical, but it does pass. Okay. And then the next one gets an 18. Okay, so they both pass. So they both take two damage, cause that's half damage and that's all great

Um, and after my ancient dust, I'm gonna wind up my frying pan to use my focus spell hand of the apprentice Though no one would take me as an apprentice because I'm 40 years old Going to Oh jeez. And I'm going to take advantage of one of my most fundamental lessons of magic to levitate and propel my weapon. You hurl a hand melee weapon with which you are trained at the target and make a spell attack roll. So I'm gonna, the guy who hit me,

I'm gonna, I'm gonna hook my frying pan at him. Where'd you get a frying pan? Well, you know, spices, we cook a lot. We experiment. It feels like the correct thing for me to have. You see your father in your mind, you remember him as a young child showing you a pan that was silver and he says, if you paint it black, it looks like it's cast iron. God, he was always a fucking horned swoggler.

That is a 20 to hit. Absolutely hits this rat. This is a range or are you hitting one of them? It's ranged. Okay. And then it automatically returns to my hand afterwards. This is my focus spell. Whoa!

The Panarang, I love it. Eight damage. Eight damage? Oh shit! Cinnamon, finish this rat. Oh shit! All right. You know, I don't usually cook with rats,

but I can make an exception. What? What? Ha ha ha! Ah! Ah! Yeah! Now that said, that is how you cook with rats.

I cook with rats all the time. When it comes back to my hand, it breaks my wrist a little. Ah! No! Ha ha ha! I'll fix it right up, Cinnamon. Don't you worry. I regret not eating more my wrist a little. Oh no! I'll fix that right up, Cinnamon, don't you worry. I regret not eating more milk, as a child.

Well, you don't really eat milk, you drink it, but. No, not the way I do it. I could cook you some milk. Yeah? Okay. Wow, everything's different in the cold, we drink milk. Whoa! All right, so Cinnamon, that's your turn.

Was there any other effect from the Fortitude save? No, because they both passed, there's no persistent damage. There would be persistent damage if they hadn't passed. All right, persistent damage, another fun Pathfinder thing. That is gonna bring us to Hellbiscuit, Hellby. Oh yeah! All right, sweet, so a rat is attacking me is that currently yeah all right in the mix with a rat so you could get all three attacks on it if you want

um i'm going to use an intimidating strike which it looks like it cost me two actions gotcha jake can you read intimidating strike so i can get a little sense of what it is how it works of course your blows not only wound creatures, they shatter their confidence. Make a melee strike. If you hit and deal damage, the target gains the frightened one condition or frightened two if your strike was a critical hit. Oh, that's great.

All right, so I'm gonna make my intimidating strike first against this rat. That is an 18 to hit. That will hit the rat. Not a critical, but it does hit. Amazing. That is gonna be to hit. That will hit the rat. Not a critical, but it does hit. Amazing. That is gonna be. Oh yeah.

11 damage. 11 damage. Holy shit. You intimidate this thing to death. Finish this rat. Woo. Oh really? You're gonna get salted just like these fish.

Delicious. I'm gonna spear him on my pitchfork and stuff him in with the salted fish. And I guess I have one less one more action. So I'll just stride towards Crudbert and see if I can use anything to help him out. Great. Okay, so you're all set up over there. There's nothing else you can do in your turn. I don't think. But that's. Yeah now crudbert. Um, there's one rat left still looking pretty healthy. All right Okay, you look pumping healthy, but we'll see what happens after this

Uh gonna wait to heal everybody until after the fight Because that's what I learned at the colt Uh, I guess i'm gonna just yeah, i'll just attack Oh boy, that's a 16 to hit. That just hits. Ooh, nice. Wow, seven damage. Seven damage. Ooh.

Crudbert finished the last rat. Oh my God. Crudbert unhinges his jaw and eats it alive. Yeah. Oh, shit. That's how you cook with rats. That's how you do it. Oh wow, it tastes its life!

It tastes its life force draining! Brother Cudbert, my twin flame, you challenge my bound race. Praise for Ash too! Yeah, you see the Rizzo rats in the corner like, ah, praise for Ash too, yeah! Yeah, welcome. You guys are crazy. Yeah, welcome to the priests of the Bloody Chalice.

I guess I need to change the name because I'm out of that one. I don't want to get sued. You can make your own cult. Yeah, we're going to unionize under your cult now. All right on. I must be the Priest of the Coagulated Chalice. Oh, okay, yeah.

That sounds pretty metal, yeah. Yeah, cool. Sick, all right, well, we're going to stay here and get set up on the colt. Great Yeah, I might change his name Let us know okay Don't get anything like carved or crocheted yet because We're just gonna build a makeshift altar here great right on make sure you get lots of blood

You got it. Yeah, there's plenty of blood from these rats. Oh, um, yeah, best of luck in there We're gonna work on this altar. Yeah, just take their guts. Just spread them around. Guts. Okay. You see one of them is writing this out. Yeah. Guts out. Okay. Yeah. All right. Okay. How's everybody looking? Does anybody want to heal Spell? Well, I was definitely going to take a little nap. Yeah. I can kind? Yeah. I'm kinda hurt. I can go for a nap. I don't have to drink blood or anything, do I? No, I just have to sap some of my life force and give it to you. Oh, I'm fine, don't worry about it.

That one's fine. No, that's not. Crudbert starts to cast a spell and it's fucking horrifying. You see blood begins to gather all around him in like magical sparkles of red. I think I'm good dude. And you see his skin just dries out until he looks just like an undead zombie.

Oh no. He's fresh too. I feel really guilty accepting this. I'll use three actions to cast an elevated heal. And I just do a D8 of health to everybody in the area. Hell yeah. Five HP to everybody. Nice.

I'll take it. Well, cool. All right, so you take a moment to heal up. They don't have short rest in Pathfinder, right? No. Yeah, like you can heal, you can like treat wounds, I think, is something that Crudbert can do. What if I have medicine?

Or is that just for stabilizing people? I think that's mostly for stabilizing. I could be wrong. There might be other things you can do with it, but I think stabilizing is like the main thing that medicine does. Cool. Great.

So like, as you're all healing up, you feel this cold trickle of air coming in through the hole where the rats emerged. It seems like that's the only exit from this room. It's the only point of entry. Okay, maybe we should pursue from whence the rats ingress. Yeah, okay, I'm gonna cast Light. It's a cantrip.

Oh, nice. I'm not gonna light stuff up. So you see, he takes out a skull. He pulls out a rat skull and he lights it. Whoa! Yeah. Is that a rat skull? Hell yeah, dude.

That's great. Okay, that's, I mean yeah, Memento Mori and all that shit, cool. Yeah, right on, dude. Remember that you will die, yeah. Yeah, we'll all die. I am 40. Well, I think you got a wild one. He's like, Middle age. Yeah. Gonna light up a skull and start

carefully walking down the hallway. Okay. Do you guys want me to do my musical accompaniment can trip? Okay, yeah. So I got some music going. That's nice. What music is playing? I actually I don't think I'm allowed to choose. music is playing. I actually I don't think I'm allowed to choose. Also we have a minus four penalty to stealth checks while it's playing. You can't control the exact music this spell creates. It just creates music that goes with what you're doing. Oh wow it's that vertical horizon song. Here's everything you want, here's everything you need, here's everything you find in a barricade, here's you and me.

He says all the right things. Yeah, no, it's a good tune. This cantrip is like having a beat spill you can't control. Yeah, no, it's like just put it on and off. You can turn it on and off, that's all. It's like 90s alt rock radio. It also only lasts for a minute, so. Oh man, we're not even gonna hear

the whole Vertical Horizon song. Oh, it switches, it's that live song. Live band crashes, and an old mother, okay, this song rocks, honestly. After a minute you hear it says, you're listening to musical accompaniment, the trial version, and now Vertical Horizon. Yeah, so like I said, I haven't even been taken as an apprentice. So every spell I have

is the trial version. Oh jeez. Yeah. Oh wow. They shouldn't be sliding. I haven't paid for a single spell. Yeah. None of these songs are going to get to the chorus. Wow. Yeah. I don't even remember the rest of that song. So as you discuss sentiments, trials and tribulations, you wedge through this narrow crevice and find yourself in a cavern that seems to stretch endlessly between the streets of Otari. Hey there, Nattapoles.

This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is of course the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. Whether you are just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time,

all in one place, all on your terms, folks. You can make videos, you can sell stuff, you can even put up a professional portfolio for folks to check out. If you head on over to squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash pawpaw to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

That is squarespace.com slash pawpaw to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain, squarespace.com slash pawpaw. Howdy, Nadpoles. Caldwell here with a little story. A while back I subscribed to a service called Linkbox, which sends me a huge pile of sausage links once a month. The quality was great, but after a few months I got bored of eating all that meat. Strangely around the same time the boxes stopped showing up. I just changed credit cards so I assumed the subscription got interrupted as well. Flash forward to three months later when I find out that my subscription was never canceled and my sausage boxes have actually been getting stolen by a cartoon cat wearing a vest

named Reginald. Luckily I was able to solve this problem quickly and efficiently thanks to Rocket Money, a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions. They also monitor your spending and help you lower your bills so that you can grow your savings. Rocket Money has over five million users and has saved a total of 500 million

in canceled subscriptions, saving their members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's features. Thanks to Rocket Money, I am no longer spending money on sausage I don't even get to eat. I also took care of Reginald by painting a snake to look like sausage links. The snake bit him and he jumped so high he got hit by an airplane and now he lives in Colorado. So, in summary, the best way to keep cartoon cats away is to stop wasting money on things

you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash pawpaw. That is rocketmoney.com slash pawpaw. One more time rocketmoney.com slash pawpaw. That's all, folks. Oh, geez. You step into the musty darkness and see a passageway that ends in a cliff, which plunges abruptly into a dark pit below. Oh boy.

I've got off a cliff already today. I will say, Crudbert, with your light, you can kind of lean over and see that it is a bit of a drop. It's about 10 feet down and you see that the trail kind of continues beyond that. Okay, nobody pushed me, ha ha. I push him. Ah! I go to do a fake push and. Oh shit!

I was gonna freak him out. Send him in, why? But you really didn't, send him in, you're crazy. As your brother in Twin Flame, you need to face your fear. It's been guiding your life ever since it happened last night. You're absolutely right! Sinemun, you're my best friend, and I love you! This is great. This is freaking me out a little bit. Godbird gets up and just starts walking into the darkness again.

As you approach you do feel the slick stone beneath your feet. Oh geez. This is going to be a DC 15 athletics check to descend this cliff. There's another fun pathfinder rule instead of help actions, they have something called aid. So somebody that's making their check, you can make the same check. And if you succeed or critically succeed, they get a plus one to theirs or plus two. I have a plus zero to athletics. So I feel like hell biscuit.

Maybe I have a plus one. Maybe I could aid. I have a plus seven. I did a lot of climbing trees over at the farm at the lumber yard. So yeah, yeah, I'll go first. That's a 15. Was that your you were doing that as your help? Yeah. Yeah. Awesome. Yeah. So yeah, first. Uh, that's a 15. Was that your, you were doing that as your help? Yeah.

Oh, awesome. Yeah, so, uh, yeah, you can do it for each of them. So if you want to roll again. Oh, sorry. So I can roll, I roll for each of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK. All right.

You're kind of belaying us. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you're, maybe you. Well, belay on. You just, Crudford grabs onto your long tree, and you just, like, shake him down into the hole. Maybe I should have left this thing upstairs. Shit, it's losing a lot of leaves.

I already had lost a lot of leaves. It needs earth is what it needs. It needs water, it needs earth. It needs to be planted. Oh shit, I feel really bad. I'll grab a cinnamon's frying pan. Ooh, there we go. cinnamon's frying pan. Uh, uh, ooh, there we go. That's a 21.

21. Woo! Okay. Another success. Not a critical, but still. So you both get a plus one circumstance bonus to your athletic checks. Oh no.

Oh, I got a 17! Yeah! Woo! I got a seven. Okay. So I did really get pushed off, I think. Ah! I was so excited. Okay. So I did really get pushed off, I think. I was so excited.

I was doing well, but I absolutely overtook you. I used my two good rolls up and I rolled an 11 for an 11. Okay. So Cinnamon, you got to like surf down on your frying pan. Whoa, you didn't need my help at all. But Crudbird and Hellbiscuit, you both slip and fall, and you're going to take five damage. I just got healed for that! In Pathfinder, when you fall, you take half damage based on the height, so it's going

to be five damage. Okay. Oh boy, I just undid all the stuff I did by summoning the power of Ferocious Two. But here's the thing, Feroosh to loves it when you bleed. So, yeah, you're praising Farosh to with everything you do. All thanks to Farosh to you. Cool. So you you do manage to make it down as you fall. You're a little like Ratskull lands in front of you and rolls

a little further down the tunnel. And you see that it continues deeper into the earth. Oh, boy. Yeah. Cinematic. There's not much interest here. Okay, go on. Cinematic. So this is Cinematic. Yeah, with the soundtrack. This is absolutely Cinematic. It's a bittersweet symphony in his life. This one got to the chorus. That's awesome. Oh wow, that one was the Verve, right?

Because then the next song is the Verve Pipe. They started playing the Verve. That's interesting. That's really interesting. You're listening to Musical Company. For just $9.99 a month, you can get the full unlimited version of this cantrip. Wow, we can afford it. We can afford the full cantrip.

You're right. If we complete this, we'll have 10 gold. Or we can ditch it, and we can just full our resources. Ah. OK. So you make it down. There's a little of interest here. With your light canter, we can see

there's a slight trail of dust and grime. It does seem like creatures of some sort have come this way. Let's check it out. Let's see what kind of creatures these are. Yeah, go ahead and roll. Let's see. What would that be? I have survival.

Survival seems good. Yeah. Cool. Oh, man. I'm rolling like ass. 14. I'll say with a 14. Yeah.

Yeah. With a 14, I think you still have like some sense. These are reptilian footprints. Interesting. Yeah. They look like small reptilian humanoids have like some sense. These are reptilian footprints. Interesting. Yeah, they look like small reptilian humanoids have come through here. You can almost see like a little bit of like a tail dragging between two feet.

Okay. Holy shit, this guy's carrying a snake. He could be carrying a snake. Holy shit. Okay, well. Snakes do famously like to eat barrels of fish. Do snakes eat fish? This is actually a genuine question.

I've never pondered this before. I bet if they're that close they would, yeah. Hell biscuit, do you know do snakes eat fish? I'm gonna say yeah. Oh yeah, big time. I really associate snakes with sort of drier climates and then I associate fish with water. Yeah, but what about a water snake?

They probably fucking love fish. Laura, at one of our parties with the Priest of the Bloody Jalice, we have like a bunch of fish folk come by and we were doing one of our dancing parties over the pit and there was a giant snake there and they definitely ate like goblins, fish folk, kind of whatever fillet and so.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, wow. I think cinnamon takes out a little Moleskin and writes Snakes Eat Fish. Puts her back in his pocket. Did you write anything about me in there? Is there anything else written in there? Nope. Brandy Moleskin, Brandy Moleskin.

It's so new. You gotta take this plastic off me. It's like pungent, the leather is pungent on it. Okay, okay, so perhaps lizard folk are around here. I mean, let's follow these tracks back to back, too. Let's be careful about it though, because those rats snuck up on us. Right, so let's, yeah, can we stealth down this hallway?

We actually can't stealth with the musical accompaniment. We need to wait for the song to end and then we can stealth. We were only freshmen. Oh yeah. Let's go. This is too, it's too apropos. Let's go. There are stealth rules if anyone wants to try and stealth.

Yeah, yeah. It's only a minute. We wait for the music to come. As soon as it's done, as soon as we're done with the verve pipe and the verve. Yeah. Sick. All right. So yeah, you continue down this tunnel.

Eventually, you see these patches of glowing blue fungus clinging to the ceiling. They provide a little dim light, so you don't actually need your light cantrip anymore. And as your eyes adjust, you see vast strands of webbing across the floors and walls of this wider cavern. Oh, jeez, there's spin webs. The webs stretch between the stalactites above, reflecting these mushrooms' luminance like shimmering curtains. You said you're all gonna stealth? Yeah, we're gonna stealth and I am gonna grab one glowing mushroom.

I'm a culinophile. Culinary file. Hell yeah, dude. Okay, why does everybody give me a stealth... Yeah, go give me a colonophile. Yeah. Colonary file. Hell yeah, dude. OK, why does everybody give me a stealth? Yeah, go give me a stealth roll. Oh, god. Oh, I got a seven. 19 for Cinnamon. Hellbiscuit got an 18.

Cinnamon takes to the shadows like his father did when he murdered the people that he bribed. Cinnamon, where'd you go? Why did he murder them and bribe them? Because that's how corrupt he was. Okay? You went to a dark place figuratively and literally.

See, that's why we gotta sacrifice your dad. Sacrifices should be just, you know, at the circumstances of a party, you're having fun and then you fall into the pit. That's how a sacrifice should be done. Really? Yeah. So we have to of a party, you're having fun, and then you fall into the pit. That's how a sacrifice should be done. Really? Yeah.

So we have to throw a party for my dad? Well, no, your dad is bad. That's nice, yeah, we could do like a retirement party or something for your dad. We could do a retirement party for your dad. He should retire. He should retire as a service to the city that he milks to, that he blends to.

He should retire anyway. Yeah, cause if I feel this old, how old does he feel? If I have to be honest though, I think his corruption has kept him young. Okay, interesting. It's my pure soul that ages me. So it would seem. Okay, so as you stealth into here, you're kind of sticking to the stalagmites that are clinging to the ground, kind of hiding behind the boulders and the shadows.

But these webs are difficult terrain. So what you're going to have to do is kind of jump between the rocks and the areas where there aren't any web. So I'm going to need everyone to make another acrobatics check. Oh, drat. Oh, cool. Is that something that I can help again with? Yeah. If you want to jump up first and then try and help them. Yeah, please.

I can use this. I use my pitchfork like pole vaults. And I'll try to help Crudbert. Great. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's a 23. Nice.

Oh, appreciate you. Feel free to throw me like a fish at the market. I was just going to boost your leg, but yeah, I'll toss you. Hellbisket tries to throw cinnamon. Damn, that's another 23. Nice, okay, so plus one for both of y'all on your roll. Oh, for fuck's sake. Oh dear.

I gotta, even with the plus one, I got a four. I got a nine, even with the plus one. Shout out to the two group. Shout out to the two girls 21 all right with all my help we should be good four Okay, fresh two calls to me Yeah, you give them both a leg up, and they just instantly fall into the spiderwebs I'm trapped. Oh yeah. Oh no. I've been to a party like this. This is what aging is, slowly being covered by whips.

But to slow you down and make you gray. Do you want me to give a message to your loved ones either of you guys or what? My loved ones threw me off a cliff like six hours ago. Tell my father I forgive him and I understand everything he did. Really? That was, are you sure? I don't have to say anything if you don't want. As Cinnamon's best friend, don't do that. Say that we're coming for him even in death. Let the power of Farash too bring us back. I forgive her my sin and most humble of these ways. Okay. Maybe I just won't say anything to anybody.

Helen, my name is Esrin the Wise. Tell your dad that? So, Cinnamon, you and Crudbert are just like thrashing impotently in these webs. Ah, ah, ah, ah. Help us get, you have a moment of pride before you realize you've done nothing to help and you're just standing up on a rock by yourself.

Ah, shit. And from your vantage point up there, you see emerging from a cave in the distance, a massive spider with venom dripping from its fangs. Everybody roll initiative. Oh yeah. Oh, it's that kind of spider party, huh? Oh no, I'm allergic to venom.

Hellbiscuit got a 12. 17. Freaking 23. Whoa. Whoa. I guess it pays to be down in the webs. Yeah. Now like I said, I've been in the webs before.

Yeah, me too. You and I. Twin flames. Twin flames. I don't know if I'm using that phrase right. Yeah, it's fine. We're best friends. You two are best friends and Hellbisc get is just best friends with a tree.

I don't really know help us get that well. What are you talking about? You guys don't know each other that well either. We all just met. Yeah, but we've we've gone forehead to forehead twice now. So I just I think we're just really impressionable. And we're down in the world. So we have kind of inside jokes about being in the web.

Yeah. What inside jokes do you have that I'm not a part of? It's another sticky situation. Yeah, that's a good one. Well, I was here for that part. Yeah. But you weren't inside the web, so. Yeah, you weren't in the web.

You can't fully relate to it. What happens in the web stays in the web. Yeah, I guess all I did was try to help you guys not get caught. Comedy's funnier when you're relatable. Yeah. Does that make sense? We're kind of classic underdogs right now.

I'll get caught. I'll get caught right now. Yeah, I don't know. It would be inorganic if you got caught. Really? Yeah. So you are in the mix with this spider. Crudbert, you and Cinnamon are in the webs.

Hellbiscuit, you're up on a rock. The webs aren't that sticky, so you can kind of brush past them. They are difficult terrain though. So it adds five feet. Not sticky, but difficult. I've been to a stickier spider party than this. Sounds like someone I know.

Yeah, they're like sticky in the way the tape is sticky, where it's not gonna like trip you up too much. Crudbert is somehow soaking wet again. This is great, because I actually have a Pomeranian and his hair is out low from me. You have a dog? So I rub up against him.

You have a Pomeranian? Yeah. Where is he? Who's watching him? He's at home. He's watching himself. Don't be so patronizing. Oh, that's true.

Come on now. Crudbert, you were concerned a second ago. Yeah, I don't know. I'm kind of a follower. But why don't you follow me, dude? I don't know. Cinnamon just kind of has leadership qualities. Do you lack, frankly?

Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty much Ed's friend in the Y. He's our senior. You're not that much older than us, don't think we're only in our 30s I'm 39 just wait just wait that year's gonna hit you like a Mack truck I can really see the difference in the year tanks so difficult terrain. It adds five feet of movement whenever you try to move. Oh boy. Yeah, so just double your movement.

You got it. All right. So I'm going to say the spider is approaching you now. They're 30 feet away. They just emerged from this little like side crevice, which you can kind of infer as their nest and they are headed towards you. You see they've got these big mandibles, pedipalps, the whole shebang.

They're just licking their pedipalps in anticipation. Oh, boy, look at those pedipalps. That's sick stuff. You're sick. Hehehe. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr But Crudbert, you are first to act. Okay. I'm gonna do a delay action to wait until the spiders get close. So I'm just gonna delay, select when your turn begins, take your turn later.

So I think I can't do it as like a prepared thing. So I'm just gonna say, pretend my initiative is 10. Wow. Crudbert falls asleep because this is the least wild spider party he's ever been to. Crudbert, if you fall asleep, I'm going to fall asleep, okay? Yeah, we'll grab a quick nap. The spider isn't even wearing a party hat. Yeah, what's up with that?

Okay, awesome. So you're going to delay your initiative. You don't have to go all the way to 10 if you want. You can just tell me when you want to go. Yeah, I'll go after the spider. I just want the spider to start moving towards me. Okay, I'll put you after the spider. Cool. See, the thing is, is a lot of people when they go to their first spider party, they wiggle around a lot in the web, but that just makes the spider want to eat you more. So it's actually better to just take a nap. Really?

Yeah. Okay, I guess I also take a nap. Well, wait, but we could try to kill the spider, you guys. Yeah, that's true, that's true. Damn Cinnamon, you fell asleep so quick. Because this is a pretty sparsely attended spider party. I'm gonna turn him on its side. I'm gonna turn him on his side. I'm worried about him. I joke away. Sorry, I sleep apnea.

Yeah, I know. The spider looks concerned. You threw a bad party, dude. The spider knows about sleep health. Okay, so actually that is going to be the spider's turn. You guys are all still grouped together because you're having a group nap party. Play dead.

Yeah, okay, yeah. Great. So I think the spider is gonna go probably for Hellbiscuit because you're up on a rock. Right. And these two are lying down. Yeah. Yeah, come here, man.

So the spider is, I said they're 30 feet away. They're gonna ignore the effects of the web so they can move normally. Yeah, they'll do that. Yeah, they will. So they can stride 25 feet up. So they're still a little out of range. But for their next action,

they're gonna do a range strike of a web attack. They're gonna try and cast a web trap on Hellbiscuit. This is a range strike attack. Here we go. So I believe a 23 is gonna hit you. Yeah, oh yeah, that'll get me. Oh yeah. Ah, geez, okay, I can see you. He's the first one at the spider party. Oh wow, look at us, all in the web. I guess we are... I've actually been thinking about getting out of the web. Yeah, I'm probably gonna roll out when I can. Yeah, well I wanted to get out of the web too.

I totally relate to you guys. The falling into the web was kind of like, your thing. So you're now stuck in the web. You see the spider spits out a second web for your tree as well. Oh man. No! That's a step too far, spider.

Does your tree have a name? Edgar. Oh far, spider. Does your tree have a name? Edgar. Oh, no. Edgar. Edgar the tree. Great. Write that down. That's very important.

OK, so the spider has one action left it can do. Nobody is within melee range. So I guess it's probably going to try to do another range strike. It's going to fling some more web at, let's see. Why don't you all roll me a luck check and we'll see what flings it at. Cool.

Shout out to the two crew. 15. Okay, so Cinnamon, because you're sleeping in such a disturbed way, the spider's gonna just try and put web over your mouth. Thank you, actually. That's great, that's like breathing tape. That's free breathing tape. Free breathing tape. This is actually. That's great that's like breathing tape that's free breathing tape. What's your name? You want to be my bed buddy? Does the 13 hit?

Does not. Does not? Yeah the spider hits you with just enough web to give you a breathe right strip. Amazing. I moved cinnamon over to his side. So Hellbiscuit, you are trapped in the web. You are immobilized. But you can try to escape on your turn. And I think it's just like the end of the game. That's an escape action. Yes, escape action.

I think you can use acrobats or athletics to do that. Oh, yeah. All right. But you can also use your fist. You can also do a fist attack, I think. Right on. OK, cool. So that is the spider's turn. Now It's correct turn. Okay. I come alive

You think yeah, you think you've been to a spider party before this is a spider party Yeah, you see crudberts face begins to melt off as he casts burning hands He just like basically lights himself on fire and briefly turns into a skeleton I've heard of God's vessel, but this is ridiculous It's a reflex save you got it Reflex is gonna be a 14. Okay, that's a fail Seven damage. Okay, I don't know fire does anything to web or anything Seven damage. Okay.

I don't know if fire does anything to a web or anything. What's the range of the spell? 15 foot cone. 15 foot cone. I will say that all the webs in a 15 foot cone are burned up. Right on! Yes! Okay!

Crudbird starts rolling around. Yeah, all the webs that were there before are burned up, so there's no more difficult terrain in this 15 foot area, but everyone restrained by a web is still in that web, because that's a thicker web. Ah, damn! Okay, cool. And then I have one action left after a two action spell, so I will try to demoralize,

which I just try to shake their resolve. So I assume just by the terrifying, the way Crudbert cast spells is just very scary. So yeah, briefly his face melts off, revealing a skeleton, and he says, you think you've been to a spider party, this is a spider party. The spider is very self-conscious

because it actually has never been invited to a party. It's a very unpopular spider that really rattles it. Okay, here is the wording for demoralize. With a sudden shout, a well-timed taunt or a cutting put down, you can shake an enemy's resolve let's see choose a creature within 30 feet intimidation check against that targets will DC okay okay oh yeah oh yeah what's the will DC so you calculate will DC by adding 10 to the stat so there's gonna Oh, yeah, 16. 16? All right. The spider is intimidated. Yeah.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, asshole. I got thrown off a cliff this morning. You're not even the scariest thing I saw. The spider, like, it droops all of its eight eyes, and you see that it's kind of, like, frowning a little bit. Yeah. Damn, aw, Grumper, you're hurting its feelings. Good. You see the spider has a little bone morocca that it shakes trying of like frowning a little bit Yeah You're hurting its feelings

You see the spider has a little bone maraca that it shakes trying to be like spider party we could still do this That's not how you do a spider party really that's a hard thing to say no to Okay, so since it's demoralized So bad a little I'm gonna I'm gonna dance in the web just a little bit. No, no, you don't dance in the web, that's how you get an E in! Oh, it does say if the target doesn't understand the language you're speaking, you take a negative four circumstance penalty to the check, but I'm gonna ignore that because this is funny. So, since you succeeded, the target becomes Frightened 1. Okay. Nice.

Alright, I'm looking up Frightened now. The Frightened condition. Okay. Nice. All right. I'm looking up frightened now. The frightened condition always includes a value. This is frightened one. You take a status penalty equal to this value to all your checks and DCs. Okay, so minus one. Nice.

Okay, so minus one to all checks and DCs. Yeah, this can be super handy if you try and cast a spell on this bad boy. Awesome. Yeah, the spider looks properly demoralized, very upset. Yeah. The spider checks its phone to see if anyone's texted it in a while and has it.

Downfall, downfall you fucking loser. It's the spider's birthday and no one's texted it. Yeah, well. Cool, is that your turn, Robert? Yeah. Great, Cinnamon, you're up next. Okay, Cinnamon's going to take out some really spiky cloves and he's to cast a cantrip needle darts.

And I'm going to throw a dart at this guy. Oh yeah. She's chucking cloves. 15 to hit. That misses. Well, never mind then. And then I will, I have my focus spell back. And it's only one action.

So I'm going to take out my frying pan and try and hit him with the frying pan. I will get a minus five to this. Okay. Shout out to the two crew. Oh god. No! You just wang the frying pan against the wall. Ow!

I hit myself in the frying pan. Okay, so is that your turn, Cinnamon? That's my turn. Nice going, Cinnamon! You just woke up. I threw myself in the frying pan. Okay, so is that your turn, Cinnamon? That's my turn. Nice going, Cinnamon! You just woke up. I threw clothes at him and I missed, and then a frying pan and then missed. You know how this can a real friend

will tell their friend the truth. Cinnamon, that wasn't your best turn. Oh shit, all right, yeah, no, the best friends tell the truth. Cinnamon, I don't know, that wasn't your best turn. Oh shit! Um, alright, yeah, no, the best friends tell the truth. Cinnamon, I don't know, that wasn't that great. That was pretty rude. What are you talking about? You said... I said it wasn't the best turn. You just said it wasn't great.

Mine was constructive criticism. It implied that Cinnamon has had good turns in the past. It wasn't constructive. It was an absolute platitude, dude. So, your platitude... What. You're a platitude. What? You are a platitude. That doesn't even make any sense, and it bothers me. Cinnamon has fallen asleep standing up. The spider looks at you three and is

so jealous of what you have. Nice party, dude. Everyone's fighting. Hellbiscuit, that's your turn okay so I'm I'm stuck in this web can I make three ranged attacks you can you can also try to escape as an action but you can make three ranged attacks while stuck I have a short bow as a fighter I'll just rate fire three shots. Sure. Stop trying to make the web happen, man. I love the web.

This party's awesome. Okay. That is a 10, a 15, and a 13 to hit. Those all missed, don't they? Yeah, all three missed. I wake back up and I say, that wasn't your best turn, son. Wow, yeah, we both missed.

I feel like we can relate to each other in that way. You know what? You're right. I pressed my forehead to Hellbiscuit. What? Yes! You and I both know that sometimes hard work doesn't pay off immediately. Sometimes it's sort of a building thing, right? So this turn will... It's finally happening! ...some day be a turn in which we hit a bunch.

Yeah! Shit, Crudbert, I get it. It feels really good. Ha ha ha. Hellbizkit, you see darkness in Crudbert's eyes? As he just points towards the ground and whispers, hell. What are you talking about, dude? You're going to hell. Just because Cinnamon likes me, it's not going to sacrifice you. There's room for both of us.

It's called a twin flame. The twin flame could be a tri flame. No it can't. Why not? By definition it can. Still with my sweaty forehead against brother Hellbiscuit, I say you are my twin flame. I'm your twin flame.

Yeah, that must be why your name is Hell. You're fucking dead. I command undead. I command undeath. I am undying. I will lead your gladiatoric whimstone, Lord. And I'll try to escape with an athletics check. You took three attacks. You took three attacks.

You can't escape. Oh, shit. That's an escape is an action. I didn't realize that was an action. Yeah. Of course. Oh, also, Jake, I realized this is that was an action. Yeah. Of course. Oh, also, Jake, I realized this is just for reference.

Intimidating Strike is a level two ability, so you fucking cheated, dude. I thought you sent me all three levels because we were doing level three. Wait, you've just been playing a level three character this whole time? Wait, we have to keep this in now. I haven't done anything that a level one character can't do. I just- But don't you have more HP or attack? It's really intimidating, Strike. you have like more HP or attack?

More like attack proficiency or anything? I think we've set a fun precedent, which is that Hellbiscuit is level three and we're level- I'm using the character sheet that he sent me. I just added two feats. Wait, you sent him a level three character and then he added stuff? I sent him the character sheet that comes in the box and then I also sent him like the level 2 and level 3 stuff in case we level up and Jake just assumed we were playing level 3

My grip around the back of Hellbiscuit's neck tightens and I say, I feel your power How did you come by this? He mocks! He mocks! The Grimstone Lord! I misread a text! I've misread things too. I hold up my spell book.

You know how many times this text has outwitted me. Edgar winks at you. Is this the source of your power? We'll never know. And that is going to bring us back around to the spider. Okay. The spider is very close to all of you. It's going to use one turn to stride forward into range. I think that Crudbert is the only one that's hit it thus far.

Bring it on you stupid asshole. It's also, it's, it's very upset by all of the truths you've spoken about it. Yeah. And it's going to lash out at you. So it's going to make a melee strike with its fangs. Here we go.

Hold on. There's a 24 hit. I believe it does. Hell yeah, it does. What's your AC? It's not a critical success. OK. AC 16.

Great. Yeah, it's just going to make another fang attack on you as well. Great. Just a 22 hit? Yeah. OK. Yeah, it's just going to make another Fang attack on you as well. Great. Just a 20 to hit? Yeah, that'll do it. OK, so both of those hit. I'm so sorry, Crudbert.

Oh, no. It's fine. This is the worst day of my life. I would cast off a cliff once again. I have a Nereus spell to bring you back. Yeah. Nine damage total, and then make a Fortitude save for me. Oh, jeez. Oh, dear. Yeah. Nine damage total and then make a fortitude save. Oh jeez. Oh dear. Okay. So the DC is lowered to 15 because you uh. Oh. Because you frightened it. Because of the demoralize.

Because of the demoralize. That's something. Okay. Okay yeah hell yeah I got 21. Hell yeah okay. Nice. So go ahead and roll another one since he bit you twice. Oh jeez. So go ahead and roll another one since he bit you twice. Oh jeez. 18 on that one. Perfect. Yeah, you feel this poison seeping into your body, but you're just so fucked up already. You're already so toxic. I already have poison in my veins.

Yeah, you've been to so many poison parties that this does not affect you at all. Great, yeah, you shake off the spider venom and you are feeling fine. Yeah, no, I'm so fucked up though. Okay, okay, let's focus fire, let's focus up. So the spider gets a little confidence back after biting into you and seeing that you are just flesh and blood. Yeah, now your party's going awesome.

And it shakes off the frightened condition, so it is no longer demoralized, but that is gonna be your turn, Crudbird. Okay, well, fuck you, dude. Cool, yeah. Just gonna attack him. Do it up. Swing my sword at his head. Oh, geez.

11? 11 misses. Cool. The spider sticks out its tongue at you? Stop trying to be funny. It's clearly fishing for an invite to a spider party. You don't know shit about spider parties, dude. Yeah, I'll just try to attack again even though I have a negative bonus now. What is it? Minus five? Minus five for the second attack and then minus ten for the third. Okay. Oh God. Negative two to hit. Okay, my last action.

I'm gonna do raise a shield. You lift up your shield dad. Circumstance bonus of two AC. Hell yeah. Whoa, where'd you get that? Where did I get my shield? Yeah, you've been holding out on us. I found it in the water.

Whoa. Yeah. We really like a sunken ship. You went that deep. No, they threw a bunch of other people off the cliff, and there was just some guy down there on a shield. And you poached it. Hell yeah, I poached it.

Is this a shield of the Colt? What does it look like? No, it's just like a huge shield that I is way too big for Crudbert. It's got a perfect painting of you on the outside. Weird. Great, so that is Cardboard's turn. Cinnamon, that's you.

Okay, I'm going to take out a bit of a... Yeah! Get this spider cinnamon! ...of water. You don't know what you're in for, dude! A bit of ocean water that I collected on the spice barge. And I'm going to cast Briny Bolt. Whoa! And I'm going to try and I'm gonna cast Briny Bolt. Whoa!

And I'm gonna try and hit him with a Briny Bolt. Damn, holy shit, it's so briny. Say 17 hit. 17 just hits? Yes! Yes, okay. That's 16 damage. Wow!

He takes a four D6, oh wait, oh wait. That would be on a critical success. Sorry, he only takes two D six bludgeoning damage because it was a regular success. Okay. And he's blinded for a round. Holy shit, okay. And he, but he can spend a turn to interact,

use the interact action to wipe the salt water from his eyes to end the blinded condition. Damn, he just spit right on that spider. So he took, the first two D6 I rolled were seven. Okay, so seven damage. So just seven damage, yeah. This spider, you spit seawater right into its eyes. Yeah.

All eight of them. That's right. It blinks, you see that it looks very furious, its eyes are all closed. I don't think spiders have eyelids, but this one does for narrative purposes. It's also deeply hurt now. I don't know how you managed to poison it so deeply with just briny water but you really fucked this thing up.

That's right, this is some potent brine. It's a brine. I'm brining you up because I'm putting you in my frying pan next. And then with my final action I'm gonna take cover. Awesome. I described a bunch of rocks in stalagmites, so I can see you can get plus two cover from one of those.

Yeah. Six, that's plus two to your AC. Nice. And that is going to bring us to Hellbiscuit. You messed with the twin flames and now you're going down, spider. That's right. Brine you up.

Get over it. Then grill you. Yeah. Get over it. Then grill you. Yeah. Get over it. The spider counts three of you and looks really confused when you say twin flames. Yeah, it's just some bullshit thing that's kind of real. It's me, it's Inaman. Duh, spider.

It's kind of real. I'm going to use, I'll use an action to try to get out of here. Oh right, yeah. You're going to escape? Yeah. That's a dirty 20 to escape. Nice. Yeah. You managed to free yourself.

Nice. Cool, I did that on the first turn. Anyway, go ahead. How close am I to this spider? You're within range of the spider. Within melee range? I would have to stride? Yeah, no, I think you can get there without striding.

Hmm, I don't know, he didn't just stride over to me, I think he has to stride. You were like in the web. We're right next to each other. Because you were doing like twin flame shit with Cinnamon and then I was. So we're all kind of close together. But I'm not a twin flame anymore, so why would I stride your way over here, I guess?

Maybe I wouldn't stride if I'm already there. Or what's? Well, you know, maybe. I think that you're probably... The spider is like turned to face Crudbert, so it's like big juicy thorax is like right in your face. You can see it's spinnerets dangling over you. It's moist spinnerets are like right over your face.

So I think, yeah, with a five foot reach of a weapon, you can definitely smack it. Okay. Taste my brine, dude. That's a 27 on the first attack. That's a critical hit. Whoa! Wow. That means I'm rolling my damage dice twice? No, you just roll the damage and then double it. So you like add your modifier and everything and then double it. Amazing. That's 22 damage to the spider. Wow. Hellbiscuit to the spider. Wow. Hellbiscuit finished the spider. Yeah.

I soak the edge of my pitchfork in some brine. And I pierce the spider. And I stick it to the roof of the cave like it's a stalactite. We're eating good tonight boys. Yeah, that's what I call a spider piñata epic party Okay, this is actually sometimes how the spider party ends, so I guess you did something right And with that you are out of combat you've defeated this spider

You can now kind of make your way through this webbed chamber without too much difficulty. Why don't everybody give me a perception check as you proceed? Okay. That's a 10. Shout out to the two crew. Okay, I did okay.

I got a 17. 17? Yeah. Awesome, yeah. Crudbert, you remember where the spider came from and you see tucked away in the northeast corner of this chamber, there's this thick nest of webs and you can infer that that is the spider's lair. You also see to the other side, there is like a little passageway that leads deeper into the cave.

Okay. I think if we're looking for the lizard folk or the person carrying a snake that came through here, you probably wanna go this way. I think it's a person carrying a snake. Yeah. I think we could safely just pivot to that. I think we could just pivot to say the person carrying a snake.

Snake holder. Yeah, the snake holder. I think it would be- Where are you, snake holder? Come to us, snake holder. Yeah. We are vengeance and you must meet us. We are the twin flames. We are the twin holder. We are vengeance and you must meet us. We are the twin flames.

We are the twin flames. Well, T'Ver help us get, doesn't know how to cast fire. So I don't even know if you can be a twin flame. Think about it. What? You have to learn how to cast fire? Yeah, I mean, twin flame. I'll believe it if I hear it from Cinnamon.

Me and Cinnamon over here can cast fire spells. I actually, wait, let me look at my spells. I don't know if I can. Okay, then I guess there's just one flame and it's me. I can eat fire. Hell yeah, dude. Me too. That's awesome. Because Hellbiscuit can be caught on fire. Yeah, I'm gonna start calling you Heckbiscuit because you're so freaking mild, dude.

No, no, you have no idea how bad the diarrhea was. I feel like I do. Heckbiscuit, wow. Things are out even though Spider's dead. It's so funny, Murph pitched this character saying he was really nice. He was just like, I'm sorry. You started off with such kind eyes.

He got kicked out of the cult for being too nice. He is nice, but he's a minion. He just wants to be Cinnamon's minion. This is his. Cinnamon presses his forehead against, Grunbert, I see the fire in your words. Yeah. Keep it going.

Really? You have twin flame. I pushed my head up against them too. Who can't do? Who can? Who can? I'm sorry, it's like. The three twin flames.

Two foreheads, only two foreheads. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so you want to go, so there's kind of like two passages here. Not to the spider nest. Okay. Yeah. To the snake holder. Yeah, to the snake holder. Beauty is here. Not to the spider nest. Okay. Yeah.

To the snake holder. Yeah, to the snake holder. Beauty is in the eye of the snake holder. Yeah. And you are seeking that beauty. Great. So you proceed a little further in. Can I use an action to drop prone and then an action to crawl?

Yes. I've never got to do this at B&B. Perfect. Can I pull a little help biscuit aside for a second? Yes, I've never got to do this Help us get now a little bit flame. I feel bad for calling you half-baked I just want to say that the view from up here Oh, it's really nice and now that I see like kind of where you were at and where you're at now I just kind of feel bad for you. So I just wanna send you to hellbiscuit from now on.

Hellbiscuit goes to put his forehead to a crud birds but like head butts him. Oh, okay, yeah, no, no, no, no, that's fine. I'm gonna do more forehead shit with Cinnamon, just you wait. Yeah, yeah, well maybe, you know, if Cinnamon thinks that's cool, then that's cool, because Cinnamon's the leader, so. Cinnamon is army crawling.

Shit, get down. Right, we have to do what Cinnamon does. Robert gets down and starts crawling behind Cinnamon. He's god. and starts crawling behind Cinnamon, his god. Ha ha ha. Cinnamon, the Grimstone Lord speaks through you. Yeah, yeah, I mean, it's Grimstone Lord or my father sounds like the same thing, right?

Yeah, well, whoever sacrificed your dad, don't you worry about that. Help us get laughed really hard. Ah! All right, boys, let's get laughs really hard. All right, boys. Let's get some tunes going. I play my musical accompaniment. I'm spamming musical accompaniment cantrips.

We're getting a minute of a song here. It was good living with you. Wow. It was good. Wow. Wow. It was good. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Wow. Sweet army crawl.

Good. You're right, baby. Yeah, it was so good. It was good. I'm living with you. One hand's like. Spirits are high, right? Spirits are high.

Right? Yeah. Brother Cudbird, Brother Hellbiscuit. There's gotta be something better than in the middle. Yeah. Yeah. Me and Cinderella. Get it all together.

We can take it all. With one headlight. And as you say that, you cast light. Yeah, one headlight. Because it's a skull. It's a headlight, quite literally. I put a skull light over my face that makes my eyes glow red and I look terrifying. And I start bleeding out of my mouth.

Oh shit! Yeah, I can see right to hell. Whoa, really? Yeah. What do you see there? A seat for my father. Your dad's not dead yet, unfortunately. Well, unfortunately.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Again, we're going to sacrifice him. What's a real spider party once you get your dad? Yeah, I still don't understand spider party, but I'm looking forward to finding out. Everybody gets on the web, the spider goes out and chooses who they want to eat. You try not to wriggle too much, because the spider likes it when you wriggle. Yeah, we play, honestly, we play this radio stage and it's pretty good. Hey, Cinnamon, I fucking hate your dad. Cinnamon has fallen asleep.

Mid-army. Cinnamon, Cinnamon. So you wriggle along the floor deeper and deeper into this tunnel. You wonder if maybe perhaps it wasn't somebody holding a snake, but three people wriggling along the floor as well.

Oh, that makes sense. Could have been a cult of wrigglers, yeah. Whoa, they could be doppelgangers. The cinnamon was clearly the snake wriggling around on the ground. They could have a great cinnamon that perhaps is even greater than this cinnamon. Ezran the Wise against Ezran the Wiser.

Who's Ezran? Oh, that's me, I'm Ezran the Wise against Ezran the Wiser. Who's Ezran? Oh, that's me. I'm Ezran the Wise. I keep forgetting to bring it up. Yeah, no, it's just sticks. It's sticks. It's supposed to be my name. It's supposed to be my name.

So eventually you wriggle your way into this small stone opening. The surroundings appear to be mostly natural, but it seems like someone or something has worked to open the cavern and level out the floor, which makes this passage up easier to traverse. You continue down this tiled hallway for a bit until eventually you come to a beautifully carved arching stone doorway inlaid with various symbols. Cinnamon gets up and gestures to all the runes he's wearing and says, I'm sure I can read these. Yeah. I trace my elderly fingers through the grooves in the stone.

Really? Give me a recall knowledge check. You can do it with arcana or maybe religion. Quite appropriately, I got a two. A two, okay. Uh, plus, okay, so nine. A nine, I guess you can choose if you want to lie or not. Let me see, let me see.

No, I'm not a liar, my father is, so I do tell the truth. Okay, maybe I can do like a religion check. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, let's see what's going on over here. Okay, I've been to a layer or two or three i got 21 21 oh shit uh you know because of your involvement in the cult of farashtu the grimstone lord um there's four symbols kind of above this doorway and each of them represents one of the four gods of arteaa and their corresponding magical domain. First you see Firashtu, the Grimstone Lord who controls the aspect of the occult. He is

depicted as a grinning skeleton with a necklace of keys. Whoa, okay, I'm ready to pledge myself. I fucking love keys. Who doesn't just love a bunch of keys? Loose keys, keys, I don't know where they go, dude. Those are the most fun. You see Gazrog, who represents the aspect of primal magic. She's known as Mother Wild, and you see that her symbol is this flaming eye with teeth mounted beneath it. You see Abathas, who's known as Father Knowledge. He represents the aspect of arcane, and you see this book with a set of spectacles above it, but it's got extra eyes on it like a spider almost. And then finally, you see Lanere, who represents divine magic.

She is known as the Skyborn Grace. For her, you see a sigil of a crescent moon overlaid on a sun with a sword through it. So you see these like four kind of symbols over this arching doorway. And you notice that the doorway leads down a set of stairs deeper into this cavern. Damn, how many basements are there? Okay, if I use my powers of deduction,

I would say that this was probably made before whoever was here just stealing fish because it seems bigger than that right yeah there's something ritualistic about it right yeah but I don't know yeah do they point in directions um they're kind of just like mounted above this archway almost as if they're like watching over the archway I wonder if there's oh can I do I actually have a can detect magic is a cantrip oh okay can I just detect is actually have a cant, detect magic is a cantrip for me. Oh, okay. Can I just detect, is there any magic in effect within 30 feet of me?

Within 30 feet. You detect magic at the bottom of the stairs. You don't detect any magic on this archway in particular. Okay, I think these are just like ruins. Do you guys actually mind if we take a nap so I can get my focus spell back? Yeah, I wouldn't mind taking a little? Yeah, how about a 10 minute nap? You just chill at the top of the stairs? Yeah. Great. I could knock off, yeah.

I could just carry you, Cinnamon, if you want. So can I. Wait, I'm up. Cool. So you take a quick 10 minute nap. I believe for your focus spell you have to do an activity to kind of like restore your connection. Yeah, a nap. You nap. That's what I do, yeah. Great. If I do it in a recliner I can do it in five minutes.

That's great. It's called the power nap. How loud is your napping? It's really loud. I have my breath sounds labored. Right. So you make your way down the steps and at the bottom you see a large barricade made of discarded barrels, old furniture, bookshelves and things of that nature. Someone doesn't want us in here. I kick it. Okay, give me an athletics check.

Okay. I think I just hop over it. Okay, give me an athletics check. Okay. I think I just hop over it. That's a seven. I have a plus zero to athletics. How? Why did I do that? You make a loud noise. I'll kick it, I'll kick it. I need athletics. That's a great idea

Cinnamon. You can also use a weapon. I got a 25 to kick it though. 25 to kick it though 25 to kick it You critically kick it Yeah, hello biscuit Something about your upbringing something about all that farming has made you incredibly strong in the quad And you were able to kick apart this barrel barricade in one swift motion All of the trappings of these barrels lie on either

side of you and the entrance is clear. You see a large wooden door here that seems to be unlocked. I kick it. Yeah, that's a good move. Forehead to forehead. I've dealt a lot with like evil wares and stuff. If you interrupt a ritual, you're just gonna become the ritual. Or you're talking kind of loud. I have to take a multi-attack penalty if I kick again, right?

That's true, yeah. Okay, so that's 15 to kick it. 15, you kick this door wide open. As you do, a thick stench of rotten fish and mold wafts out. And you see inside of this chamber four reptilian beings known as kobolds. In the back of the room, their blue-scaled leader points a clawed hand at you and shouts,

we've come too far to let these idiots interfere. Destroy them at once. The other kobolds let out a frenzied cheer as they raise their weapons and prepare to attack. And that is where we will end our session. Oh, it's a ritual, I told you guys! God! Oh, no!

Yeah, I see. If you're going to be a good mingen, you've got to give suggestions to your leader. You don't just blindly do whatever. God, heckbiscuit. I put my forehead against Cinnaman. I'm sorry for kicking the door. Hey, you are always forgiven.

Son. I side-eye at Crudbert from the cocoon of Cinnaman's forehead. Crudbert clutches a bloody dagger. So that's where we're going to end it. You three are now in the chamber of these kobolds.

Hell yeah. Wow. We're going to do another session where you get to tangle with those kobolds and see what lurks deeper beneath Otari. But that was a super fun introduction to Pathfinder. It was really fun. It's so fun to read all these crazy new spells. Yeah, I'm excited to talk about the spells.

I'm excited to talk about the differences on the short rest, but you're going to have to wait to hear that. You're going to have to go to patreon.com slash nadpod. That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D. Don't sing yet. I can also walk everyone through how I changed Ezran. You spent so much time on the list. Ezran to better reflect the spice merchant background. Oh, I need to know that.

Which involves taking a feat so that I can wield the frying pan. Yeah, I'm excited to learn about the Better Than Ezran. Nice. Oh yeah, Better Than Ezran, very good. I do also want to thank Pete, aka Ruler2E, for sending us this beginner box. Yeah. And also some other modules. Yeah, this has been great. It's been fun learning about Pathfinder. I definitely want to play more for sure. This is really fun. But yeah, we're going

to be doing another Pathfinder episode to see what lurks deeper beneath Otari. Until then, does anyone have anything they want to plug? We can just plug our social media there, remember, may not use at CHMURSEme, at Caldwell, at EXTRA, Emily and at Jake or which is Jake. And you can tweet about the show using hashtag nadpods NADDPod It's the end of the shore burn and you know what that means it's time to shout out our It's the end of the Shorebone and you know what that means? It's time to shout out our benevolent council of elders, starting with Brad D, Jeffrey S, Lord of the Fjord, Hugh C, Later McSkater, Matt M, Cutter W, Jeff C, Daniel G, Danielle the Dasterly Dane, Beard Man Dan, Danny P, Carpe Liam, Bryant the very worst DM,

Victor D, Balmora's boy, Hoid's friend, Justin I, Danny shares a birthday with Goofy Danster, TJM, Trelae the crayfe, Discolanius, Christopher B, Damiel R, Jordan L, cyborg version of Josh the Cobold, Targot, Craig Fay, Discolenius. Christopher B. Damiel R. Jordan L. Cyborg version of Josh the Cobold. Targot.

Stevie Wags. Hellish Rebukeer PhD. Princess Yar. Jory S. Jack L. Nicholas C. Star of every film ever made in Bohemia, now starring in the Iron Deep production

of Acequire Never Tires. Samuel B. star of every film ever made in Bohemia, now starring in the Iron Deep production of A Squire Never Tires. Samuel B. Mike H. Elkes Smeltzer Plus. Great Value Gemma. Tyler F. Nebadger.

Panama James. Heradrian. Carboro Chapel Hill FPV. Rex Daniel the White. Diana De Los Lopez, Cici Lulu, Acu Pajol, the Rabbit Fault Detective, Timmy R, Reiko Calder, Comes Cold, Shout Out to the Cold, Come Companions, Frosty Facial, Taylor B, the vengeful one-winged angel. Cass, skateboard Cass. Steven, speeds into the seasons of Sneeze and See. Mike K, Lady Taco and Team Incradulity.

Nick W, William W, Big Bad Peer to the Mad. Eric McD, Ananarama. Percival Frederick Stein von Musel Klosowski de Rolo III, J. Dragonborn, Guardian of the Vibe, Honoring the Cock, Contrived Whippersnapper, The Sandrayan, Ben A. Dave H. Christian S. Showin' Sweet Blue Ho, Dustin S. Danny F, Hawkeye Pierce! Bookfars assistant Izzy F, DPC is awesome!

Hashtag honor the cock. Shown the shade dream mechanic of Zell-Baldar. Summer Rose Grand-Tare, Cat C, Mesa of Howson Zoonza, Ariel the occasional mermaid, Selena and Valacyraptor, B, Perky, always! Maxwell, J, Lauren, H, Serves, 16, Annie, the Feywild Therapist, Skillful Ferret, I wanna see these new characters.

Give me Hellbiscuit, give me Crudbert, and give me Cinnamon. Connor S. Salil, Weed Goku 69 hoping to swap recipes with Emily. Here's a quick one. I've been roasting radishes in butter recently and maybe I'm growing up but it tastes great. Bioquart17, AmberDexterous, SullivanH, Trub Hopdropper, JackH, KingOfTheMolePeople, UnderIronDeep, DressedInBlue, and FightingHisWayThroughABracketStyle Tournament, LindsayW, Vailin, Pogge, ADumbunnyBard,

CarlinC. Emily S. Noah the Bullywug Boy, hashtag honor the cock. James G. Everything Bagel the Eladrin who just wants to hang out with his pet badger Stripey. Daddy Master Dandy. Hon. Eric B.

Marcos. Learns the balance druid. Frida M. Tracy P. the Crick Elf Librarian, Maggie S. Holly the Green Laughing Hyena, finally caught up to the Duck Team. I would love to be caught up with by a Green Laughing Hyena. Akash the Car, Andrew Crick Elf Monk,

Way of the Honored Cock, Dufanus, Aaron B. Russell H. A Mon a monk named Dilgo, Cody C, Keychain Pentium, Tude Processor, Lorelai the succubi, Grinchomancer and Kira her dad. Your friendly neighborhood yawn and yunkle, Andrew and Sid, John Adams, the write-in candidate for 2024, Meg, the mail carrier manager of Bohemia. James F. Austin S. Wayfarer.

Now has to do something with the trolls. Get rid of them, turn to page 42. Keep them, turn to page 69. I'm keeping those trolls. Shane C. Barpo, good barrel, barbarian. Welsh Linder. Garrett G. One Big Curd.

Havy the Half Orc. Renee the Monster Captain. Box Clifton. Olivia the Enchanting Bard. And Jared the Soap Opera Cleric who are playing Stick It to the Man down with the Monarchy. Winterslade. Fico.

Garrett the Artificer. Anthony the raddest of dudes, Josh H, Caleb L, the fairy say om nom nom nom nom nom, Otter the cock, Kenchip Dumbledore the bear onesie wearing barbarian, Lexi H, MJ the BFG, Nodrog the Pacifist, Barbarian, I get it, Geno T, Mama Belle, Derek D, Tristan the talentless Honk, Leon Kumori, legendary hero of Bohemia from a future campaign, Shenanigans O'Connor, Mios the Great, Joshua S., Alexander, Lins W., Angel LaPamela, the forever vindicated, Emma S., Red, the reforged warforge, Pavu Eskenar, the Goliath Paladin providing service with a smile. Smile. Brothers rejoice! The cask is full of pre-cock milk! A cat napping in a sunbeam listening to a podcast. C.Jamm Hampton. Shelby, Kenna's second favorite sprite girl. Thank you so much for Fantasy High Junior.

Love you, Figures. See you at Booster R's and hopefully soon in the stars. Jackson R. Worcestershire, the eldritch demon who ate snails. Blake H., searching for a sweet blue hole with his bestie Big Bev. Papa Sky Days, Meemaw Sky Days, Oh, it's V. Tommy W., Haley the Human,

Megan N., Oaklington, Balor's best friend, Steve. Stephanie of House and Zunza, Benjamin A., sacrificial otaku pen name for Callie's cousin who discovered anime and is trying to spread the word Oliver Bohemia. Mickle A., Josh H. Froakie, the two crew blew through. Alicia Lulu Bug Hose, Maple the Shy Bookworm, Seth E Billy

Batson, Tori the Bisexual Draguse, hero of the Hibiscus, maestro of mouse melons and the prolific producer of perfectly picante peppers, Michael Lyle, S the second, Jacob the Prefere of shenanigans, Nova Cry, Parcel, Dex Riddlewell, Hannah A, Bastion Fiddlefoop, Ace Dregs, High Lord of Critchberg, Joshua F, Darius D, Troy's mom who has never played D&D, Vin diagram, nurse Betty 141, GKC, arch sewer mage and master of arcane chores, catamelius the consumed, Hossinator, Byrdeth holding, Clinton P, Cam the Frogman, Dean, Jake Bohumia's number one DIT, Tuesday Cross, the choose your own adventure writer,

not the porn star, Adam H., who is eaten by the giant worm, Devon G., Andrea M., and finally Xavier B. Thank you all so much for your support. We love you. Mwah, mwah, m you. Goodbye, sweeties. That was a hate gum podcast. That was a hate gum podcast.