Not Another D&D Podcast - Skaldova Season 2 - Ep. 1: The Bastion

Episode Date: September 17, 2026

The Zu Crew AKA Boggy's Buds AKA Welly's Fellies are back! In the season two premiere, our three adventurers attempt to claim their bastion.Sound Mixing and Editing by Brian Murphy and Faris MonshiMusic / Sound Effects Include:"Blackthorn Hall" by Emily Axford"Batilda's Blade" by Emily Axford"Hexbuds" by Emily Axford"Nobody's Inn" by Emily Axford"Solstice" by Emily Axford"Hexblood Centurion" by Emily Axford"Rousel" by Emily Axford"Boggy Roger" by Emily Axford"The Smithy's Hut" by Emily Axford"Forsaken" by Emily Axford"The Depths of the Dungeon" by Emily Axford"Invisible But Not Invincible" by Emily Axford"Gunvar" by Emily AxfordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Welcome back to Skaldova, everybody. Skull! I panicked. I almost forgot what we used to do, but then I remembered at the very last second. Wow.

I remembered. You just spoke in your normal voice, which is high-pitched and scared. That's true. Yeah, we go. I'm your dungeon master, Jake Hurwitz, joined by Brian Murphy. We're in a full suit because of my bad tattoos, Zudric of the Murphi. You're trying to get an office job? No, full suit of armor.

He is handsome under there. Emily Axford. Kissing ladies' hands and ruining my pants. It's Wellie Hamden. Here it is. We're so back. We are back, but are we all back? We've also got, called Well Tanner.

On our way to the new crib after I told a mighty fib, it's Boggy Roger. Yes. My dark truth slayed bear. I saw your ass before I saw you. your truth. Indeed, I should tattoo my friend's names on my ass so that they can both be one. When did Willie start cussing? Sorry, your Ender's cheeks.

Your sweet cheeks. I thought she was referring to the ass that we inherited at our bastion. It's an actual ass. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, Bastion. Exactly. But before we get too far, how about a little recap? Last season, our three comical compatriots took a deadly jet job and ventured into a sunken castle

to rescue three missing adventurers. You searched for these wayward travelers and found answers to questions long forgotten along the way. For one, you learned that this castle, the dawnhold, once belonged to Princess Lenark Summer, a beloved princess whose death marked the end of the age of stories. Deep beneath the keep, you discovered the body of cicada, the princess's pet dragon, slain by the hilt himself. You learned that this god of the people had turned against them and plunged Skoldova into war. And among these remnants of the past, you also found pieces of yourselves. Wellie found the name of her ancestor, carved into an ancient sword. Wilma. Boggy found a map with a mysterious mark in the bog he once called home.

Curious. And Zudrick finally found a cause worth pledging himself to, his two new friends. Hey. You also found what you set out for, the three missing adventurers, and of course the man behind it all. Bullrick the banished and his cult drinking from a cistern poisoned by the body of the princess's decomposing dragon. Yet not all you were looking for was lost. There is still hope that the princess may not have died after all. Salsoa Salnu. You emerged from the earth, battered, bloodied,

and carrying something considerably more valuable than treasure. A pocket frog named William Schitts. And perhaps the truth, or at least a new story, one that is being written as we speak. For your service, the Duke of Silk granted you a bastion of your own. Fort Delathorn,

an old stronghold in the lake country southeast of Mudtown. But before you had a chance to celebrate, another piece of the past came knocking. Boggy received a letter from his nemesis, Billiam Longskin, the fish baron of Goodport. One of Boggy's buds, long thought to be long dead,

Longest Tom, is still alive. So, with a new home waiting somewhere on the road ahead and an old friend waiting at the end of it, you set out across Skoldova, and that is where this story begins. I am so tired. I cannot wait to get home. It's just our sleep schedule has just been off.

And it's just gonna be so good to just get eight and just go to bed at like 10? Have you thought about just shoving a pillow right inside your helmet so you're a little more comfortable while you sleep? It's not that. It's the... I gotta agree with Zutrick here. He doesn't want to be tired during the day. Yeah, we just keep... It's our sleep schedule is the problem. It's not a matter of like the pillow situation. When you confine yourself to a schedule, you allow yourself to be subject to all the rules of man.

You must free yourself. You must wake in the night and frolic in the lake. Get the leeches and munch on the leeches as you dance beneath the moonlight. That is the boggy way, friends. As tempting us, that sounds sometimes a schedule frees you from the burden of choice. Hmm. There's wisdom in these words. Perhaps I have much to learn.

Did you say you munch on leeches? You've never munched a leech? Okay. We just need it. It's like when you get a cherry tomato and you roast it a little bit and it's just ready to burst. Oh, that good, zesty blood flavor. Very nice. All right.

That actually sounds kind of interesting. A poor man's blood sausage, I call it. As you guys have this lively debate, you're trekking across the hills southeast of Mudtown. The sun dips below the horizon behind you, throwing its dying light on the billowing clouds overhead as the towering sky erupts in impossible shades of orange and pink. Impossible! You're seeing it, right? What? Judrick pulls out his sword. It's impossible.

It's a sorcery. There are sky snakes abounding sky snakes all around us. Sudrick is running full speed with his sword out. Odd by the sunset as you plunge forward, the footfall of your horses thunking softly in the deep green grass like a rolling emerald sea as fireflies begin to rise from the meadow. A few sparks at first, but then hundreds, glowing in great swaths across the tall blades. You guys are obviously unable to enjoy this scene because you're sleep deprived and can't believe a sunset exists. The work of sorcerers and scholars, no doubt. I can't even look at these lightning bugs.

The scent of clover Drifts through the crisp spring air And a murder of crows calls out overhead You have a mission at hand But in this peaceful moment You lean back in your saddle And allow yourselves the pleasure Of imagining your new keep

As you guys are also dreaming of sleep What else do you think you're dreaming of For your new Bastion? Oh boy Okay well there's got to be like a freaking rookery Oh, right? That's like the bird place Is that where the birds are?

Yeah, that's where the birds will send and receive messages and maybe form their own sort of like social group. Great, cool. I'm just going to sleep in the rookery. I just hope there's a rookery. God, I'm hoping for a rookery. Okay. Yes, it's been years since I've slept comfortably inside,

so I'll probably just bring some mud in and sleep. And if there's a mud room, actually, that would be perfect. And I think for me, my heart longs a bit for the monastery of the Okinaw and Orr in a way, at least the comforts of something I know. And so I'm sort of hoping we could decorate with, some mildewed and water damage tapestries and velors. Perfect. Easily, I'm sure.

A place for birds, a bunch of mud, and some soaked banners. We're going to be so popular. Yeah. Okay, so crow's mud and mold is on the mind. Any good bastion needs a worthy name as well. Yes. Does anyone have any thoughts, any inklings? The bog, too.

Bog too. Bog too. Big boggin. Sure, yeah, big boggin. I mean, I think this one is maybe a little more personal to me, but Genevere's denivir. Oh. Okay. Are you worried that that might bring about lustful thoughts?

Bog to it. We could call it like home of the bogs or something. That's good. What about if we lean into the coronal angle and you call it, The bosom. That's too much. Bog too, it is. Wellie shifts in her saddle.

Wellie, what is happening? As you guys circle the name for this ancient keep in the gloaming you crest a sloping hill and get your first sight of the luminous twin lakes, named after the daughters of the first king, Imogene and is sold. These lakes also called Big Sister and Little Sister Feed the Keystone River, which Wellie would know winds through the lowlands all the way to Goodport.

So this is where, the Keystone River begins or ends or both? Begins, yes. What is it, what is an ending if not the beginning of something new? That's so true. You really are tired. You're not thinking any sense. I want to go dip my foot in it knowing that then my stinky foot will go down and then the

Lord who kicked me out or rather embarrassed me by reading and I saw it will be drinking my stinky foot. All right. Let's piss in the lake. A delayed lake bath prank. I love it. But then Genevier will also be... Okay, no, no, we can't. We can't.

Oh, he's fully naked. Juddrich started to take a shit in the lake. You guys have a little time. You've got a little time to decide. Zedric is going to take a second shit somewhere he shouldn't. The expansive waters are far below you, placid and dark. Rich green hills tumble away to their shore. Beyond that, far to the east, the towering cliffs of whalebone range, its granite peaks still ablaze from the last light of the setting sun.

Impossible. Curse you sky, how dare you hold such beauty? As you continue debating whether or not to wash your feet or poop in the lake, you descend into a quaint village nestled snugly in the hills. Steep-thatched roofs swoop up from heavy beams and lead glass windows flicker with warm light from within, thin trails of smoke curls from crooked chimneys carrying the scent of burning oak through the cool night air. This is the village of Dunn Glen, a smattering of cottages and shops, a small church, and at the center of it all, a large tavern and inn called The Busted Hulk. Everyone can give me perception checks as you guys approach. Okay.

Shout out to the two crew. Okay, I got an 18. Ooh, eight. Okay. Wellie and Boggy are kind of thinking about doing cannonballs or washing their feet in the lake. Zudrick has his head on a swivel. And as you get closer, you realize that despite the hour, Dunn Glen looks crowded. Makeshift tents and canopies spill out around the inn with dozens of

people huddled beneath them. Horses, goats, and livestock have been packed together under a small stable and through its steamy windows, you see that the busted Hulk is teeming with villagers. You also see your eyes following the road as it continues beyond the town, winding farther down the hillside toward the nearest lake, silhouetted against the dark waters of Big Sister. You see it for the first time. Fort Della Thorne, aka Bog 2, your bastion. In stark contrast to this town square, the tower is completely dark. In the twilight, the stone walls almost disappear into the black water beyond, squinting into the night, you see that no flag flies from the battlements.

Okay, well, that's good. There shouldn't be any flag up there. I don't think. We'll need to make our own flag. Yeah. There's going to be somebody squatting there. I know it. Because I would.

And that is they're right. Yeah. They can have the master bedroom. Fair. Almost feels like maybe the Duke was giving us a piece of property that he's going to then claim on a loss. That's a loss in his taxes. And actually it's just maybe a terrible manner. Why don't we go in, get some dinner?

Because again, we don't want to throw off our sleeps get a whole right. So we're super tired. And everyone's thinking, let's go to bed right now, right? But we shouldn't. We really shouldn't. Yeah. So let's go in. Let's get a meal.

let's ask if there's anyone freaking skulking about in our goddamn house. Zuddy, can I ask you, how many hours of sleep ideally would you be getting? Eight. I just want eight. He wants eight, but he wants it at a normal time. I just want it at a normal time. He wants to solid eight at a normal time. Yeah.

And all in a row. He's not being unreasonable here, Bogg. He really isn't. I have to stand up for him in this situation. That's good. You're a good friend, Willie. He's being ridiculous, but you're being a good friend. And they even each other out.

All right. Why don't I, you know what? Why don't I send some of the murder ahead? Be so careful of arrows. Tabitha, Edgar, you stay here. Salem, Sabrina. Why don't you take some of the other birds? Ah!

And go just do a quick... Crow's circle overhead. Do a quick flyby. I'll give Salem a dagger to hold. Right. And Salem, you shank them if you got to. Shank them if you got them. And I'll just send the birds off to see if they see anyone in our castle.

Your crows flap off from your shoulder as they fly down towards the lake, and they'll return in a little bit. You guys want to walk into the busted Hulk? Yeah, let's walk into the tavern, right? Yeah. This is my sort of tavern. Look at all the people camping outside. That's really our style. Things don't look good.

I prefer less people, like, enough that it's not weird, and you're not just sitting there, and you feel like you're the bartender's only hope. I don't like that. I wish there were, like, nine people here. Zudrick walks in with his huge sword, full armor. still covered in blood from the day. And with still a lot of birds. Yeah, Zudrick like smacks a lance against the doorway as he walks in

to an almost cacophonist din. A wall of shrill voices as people call out for food, spirits, and blankets. Families with young children crowd in alongside the regular drunks. Bed rolls have been rolled out between the tables. Oh, they're bringing kids in the bar. A goat is tied to the foot of the stairs. No one even notices as you guys enter. That's a bad sign.

This place is in a bad way when they don't see us coming. Business is booming here. This is great. I don't know if it's good. I enjoy the chicken tenders. The kids needing blankets is maybe a red flag. I just want them to be cozy, that's all. Moving slowly through all this chaos is a heavyset elven man in an apron carrying a tray of empty bowls.

Despite everything going on in here, he's got a plastic smile on his face and a deep, tired voice as he calls out. I hear you, bud. Got a great set of lungs on you there. All right. Listen, Dennis, is that your goat? He ate my ladle. He doesn't have to get me a new one, but he does owe me an apology, all right? This man's got a level head on his shoulders.

We should approach him. Yeah, hey, can we, I see you've got your hands full here. What is happening? Why are the children needing blankets at the bar? Oh, boy, he looks you up and down, covered in blood and crows. Hope that's not all your blood there, pal. No, it's other people's blood. Not sure that's better.

If you're looking for rooms, I really need you to be a bit smaller. We're down to the cupboard, I'm afraid. No, we've got a house. We actually, my birds are checking it out to make sure that there's no one squatting in it. But even if there is, we'll probably let them stay as long as this place is a mob scene. I'll be honest. I don't want our bastion to be like that. But what's happening?

What's going on? Is this a children-friendly festival? This is not usually a children-friendly establishment. Good. Wellie just started cussing. I cussed once. I cussed once. And I have prayed twice about it. Okay? I see, I only need the God's forgiveness, not your Zudrick. I'm sorry, Willie. Yeah, and there are some young ones here.

The Bastion, they're dealing with a bit of a troll problem. True, pro trolls. Yeah. The Duke called about three quarters of his garrison to Silver Sand, closed up the front of his castle, but not so much the back. My dad always said, you can't wear half a hat. Wow. Wow. Oh.

Could you imagine wearing half a hat? This place is great. Nothing is wrong here. I don't mean to contradict your father who's presumably late, but I am. Yes. Rest and soul. What about a visor? What about a visor?

Huh. You know, not everything he said made sense. And I'm starting to realize that's part of the beauty. It gave him a lot of humanity. You're right. A visor. is half a hat. And that's sort of the non-blue humor that we like over here in Boggy's Buds.

I wish I said that to him when he was still alive. He would have got a hoot out of that one. He sounds fun. So what's a troll problem? It's at the bastion at Fort Delo. Oh, are the trolls freaking trolling our spot? Oh, yeah. You know, it's your classic lake troll.

Big, scary, pale skin, like a fish, keep sharper than the hilt's tits. Now, why would they be in the bastion and not in the lake where they love to reside? Well, you know, usually they keep to themselves. They steal a sheep, maybe a shepherd every now and again. Sure. Yeah, I understand. With the garrison gone, got a little industrious, developed a taste in real estate. Oh, my.

Bit meaner than your usual troll, bit bigger, too. And he just walked right up. Okay, I see. I knew it. I knew it. Don't you remember when we first got this? And I felt myself seduced by material pleasures? Indeed, yes, it is hard to look away from the gilded glint of a beautiful home.

Yeah. But I must say, the presence of trolls means that the banners and tapestries are probably already pre-molded well. So that's one step in the right direction. All right. A molded lining. So then are the trolls moving into like other people's places or something? Because you got, you know, you got a full house here. Yeah, as far as I heard, it is just one big old troll.

Just one big guy. One guy. Wow. One big guy. That must be some troll. Yeah. I mean, we'll kill him. Have any heroes, you know, maybe the biggest, baddest parents amongst them, have they tried to face off this troll?

You know, I hear that the garrison, what was left of them faced the troll. And there's not much left what was left. So we're down to the dregs of the old garrison. I wouldn't say things are going well. There is a small band gathered by the stables. A band? Like a jug band? door.

Like a jug band? They're here on Tuesdays. No. No, no, no, okay. What, sorry, what day is today? Because I do love a jug band. We're probably going to stick around for the jug band. Today is Wednesday.

So there's a max amount of days. Well, he falls to her knees thinking if we hadn't taken that extra day, delivering Lila, we could have been here for the jug band. Ender's armpits. The way that flute boy played a jug is something to behold. And to hear that once more, to hear lips touch jug and do something other than drink, would have been the sweetest solemnity. Yeah, well, the band outback, I don't think they can play instruments or fight trolls for that matter. They do aim to take on the troll, but, you know, my dad used to say you can cook a soup,

but you can't turn it into a pie. Cook a soup. Well, if you leave it out long enough, it would curdle. Yeah, I'm not really sure. Again, he did the hat thing. I'm not sure what if he knew. Have you never had sunbaked stew, man? It's not as a kish that you keep for Tuesday.

It's not as funny as the hat one. My dad, he drank. He drank. He drank a parent. I was going to say sometimes after the tragedy of the loss of a parent, then you start to work with the things that didn't actually work when they're alive, you know. Yeah, I did used to hate those lessons. Anyway, the old armorer's son, Decky is leading the charge.

A lot of heart, a lot of heart, but not a lot of anything else. Decky. Yeah. Decky. Okay. We're going to go take it over from Decky. Just put us in the direction. He's out back.

Yeah, they're by the stable state. Would you care for a stew? There's a bit of meat left. Certainly one bowl of stew, one bowl of ale, if you could. Is everyone here accounted for? We wouldn't be taking it from them. Well, that's mighty kind, are you? Let me, he goes around the table with the young ones.

He sees that some of them are being put to bed. He says, sure, I can always throw another bone in the stew. What's your name? I'm Willie Hamdam. Of the order of the oaken ore, formerly. Okay, I know the order And what's your name? Hoddle.

They call me Hoddle. Hoddle. I'm sorry about your father. He was very old and very drunk when he went. Both his life and his death. Yeah. It wasn't great. Yes.

This was years ago, right? Certainly not months or days. Yeah, it wasn't the troll. This was years ago. Oh, I was wondering. Yeah, I was like, that would be tragic if we were just kind of like, yeah. I'm Zudrick of the murder. Hi.

Boggy Rogers. Well, he doesn't speak for my stew. I will want that piping hot and fresh in front of my. face, please. Thank you. You got it. You got it, pal. Here, take a seat.

You shoes that goad away. Here, sit on the step. And he fills, fill some bowls with stew and ale for you guys. Okay. Can I go over to the goat and pet it? Sure. Give me an animal handling check. Okay.

You can do it with advantage. The goat ate a ladle, so it's kind of like satisfied. Yeah, I just, I think he sounded really spirited. With advantage, I rolled a four and a five, so the five becomes a six. Okay. So the ladle actually gave the goat indigestion and sharpened his teeth a little bit. So he's going right for your stew. Get out.

Stop. Stop. We got a freaking troll in our castle. Got freaking goats eating our soup. Okay, okay. I retreat from the goat and I produce William Schitts from my pocket. And I ladle some soup into William Shits. Yeah.

Frogs famously love soup. We'll need that frog's stout for the battle ahead. William Schitts flicks out his tongue and get some broth. Look at him go. He looks satisfied. He's got a taste for the flesh. Like a really concerning pet owner, I share with him. As we're making our way towards Decky,

Boggy downs his bowl of soup and then thinks about the last conversation he had with Longest Tom about trying to be less party focused and spend a little more time helping others. fishes around in the treasure bag and slips a few gold coins under the pillows of the sleeping children. But he does it in a way that nobody sees. Can I do a sleight of hand? Yeah, like a mucky tooth fairy. Yeah, you may a sleight of hand check. No one knows better how to use money than children.

I lean down and I pretend like I'm doing a big fart. If you fail, you're going to fart. Is Bokie farting on those kids? Really, what is Bucky? The goat looks on as you kneel next to a child. He went over to fart near, near those kids. Bucky lifts the leg. These are new levels of depravity.

I can't. I have to use a tactical mind. I got a four on the dice, but wait, hold on. Oh, all right, so my stealth is plus six. That's a 10. Wake up a kid by dropping a gold coin on his head. All right, and then I get a nine on my tactical mind. So that is one of my second wins.

And you do. break wind. But it is a 19. Yeah, you go to pretend like you're farting on a kid. You accidentally do fart a little bit on your way, but you kneel down noiselessly leaving a gold coin under a pillow. And as you walk away, you leave a set of muddy footprints cementing your place in the lore as the boggy fairy. You'll smell him coming, but you won't see him. And as you guys go to the door, Hoddle comes up to you and says, say, you aren't going down to the bastion to fight that thing yourselves, are you? Oh, we sure are.

Like I said, I put my hand on his, on his shoulder. This is other people's blood. We're absolutely hard. Yeah, other people's blood, but no leech blood. So if you've got some leeches, I would love them for the road. I know they've got some in the lake. All right, there we go. Also, perhaps we should introduce ourselves.

We've just received the fort. It is ours now. No. So we'll be neighbors. You don't say. So we'll be at the Jug Band every Tuesday. Neighbors, you're in here looking at your hirelings and your staff. Oh.

This is the emptied bastion. Oh. You guys, just do whatever you want. Can I want to be a boss? The cook over there. That's the herbalist. There is. These are your people.

This is too much. Right, but do you know potentially, like, what is the monthly expense to keep all of these people employed? Because I feel the pressure to bring. provide that now and I don't know how. Do we have crop? Do we make crop? How does this work?

You're the owners. They didn't tell you any of this when you took the castle. They just gave us a piece of paper and he seemed excited to see us leave. I saw him pumping his fist as he wrote off. I didn't know we were receiving the burden of a bunch of other people's salaries. You can be the leader. We don't want it. Oh, I can barely manage my dad's old restaurant.

And you're doing an excellent job. Yes, you're honoring his memory. Half hat and all. You have to move in with us. Just lay it on me. Lay it on me. What is the monthly salary that we owe to all of these people? I know someone who will know.

She's in a bad way. She's across the way. You're going to want to meet Mrs. Divitt. She's the steward. Mrs. Divit. Why is she in a chapel? Why is she in a bad way? I think she tried to fend off the troll.

Was she in love with your dad? Is she sad because he's dead? Oh, my God. My dad always said, you don't shit at your neighbor's house. That's fair. You don't shit at your neighbor's house. shit in the lake. Don't shit at your neighbor's house. Okay, well, so he just had bathroom shame that he needed to work through. Yeah, he really projected a lot of stuff onto me now that we're talking through it.

Really doesn't matter where you shit at the bog. It's all a muck there. Well, look, I know the, oh my God. The Bastion supply this town. They supply nearby towns with crop and goods. I thought we just had, I thought we just had, I thought we were just getting land, but we're getting a small business. A lot of responsibility. Oh, you can. I'm sure, Mrs. Divick keeps great legend. I think it's going to be pretty hands off for you. Yeah, the ledgers are the issue. Not funding those ledgers.

And the troll's like a bad guy. You can't just be the new. For right now, it is the troll's bastion. So you can't do nothing and the troll has it. Is the troll pain? Is the troll paying everyone? The troll did not kill my dad, but it killed a lot of other people. A lot of other people.

Just the trolls seem to have a strong handle on crop management and inventory. I think the thing probably ate half the larder. already and killed whatever livestock was left. The water is supposed to be for lean times. Oh my God. Do we go talk to this freaking nerd, Decky? Or do we go talk to this steward who's in a bad way? We need to talk to both.

We own a small business now. This is not what Bucky Watson. All right. Let's go see this little nerd first. All right. I go outside. This is exactly what longest time was on about. I'm stomping around. Decky.

Oh, hey. Wait before you go like. I came over to give you something. What? You know, this used to be my dad's, and I don't even think I wanted anymore. He hands you guys a coin. Is it half a coin? It is.

It's a full coin. Tarnished copper coin, thick with fine ridges along the sides, turning it in your hands. You see the lodestar sigil on one side and the Ender's tree on the reverse. So you know this money is old. It is a lucky coin. It holds a luck point and can be used once a day. You activate it by flipping it in the air. Whoa, you rock, man.

This is why you should. Be the leader of the freaking bastion. Well, I'm the leader of the busted Hulk, and I'll buy your peaches at a discount. We make peaches? We don't want to grow peaches. Peaches in this? Yeah, you grow them. You have a little peach orchard.

We grow up in this climate? Good Lord. Yeah, this is the perfect lake climate for it. Yeah. What in the hill's toe is a peach? We need to talk to this steward before she freaking dies. Is that like an oxus testicle? What, have you heard of a peach?

Do you remember the first curse word? I said that Zudraika hasn't let me get away with? It just didn't know you cause stress. It looks like that. Oh, my. All right. So edible and more. Stop.

So you guys, round the corner from the busted Hulk, and you see a rag-tag group of commoners in knights' armor gathered by the stables. One of them is trying and failing to mount a horse, his oversized boots, making wet sucking sounds in the mud with every sad attempt. Stop. Meanwhile, riding in anxious circles in front of them is the armorer's son, Decky. Decky is doing his best to deliver an impassioned speech.

He's slight balding at 23 and his face is riddled with postules shining in the torchlight. Now see, half a hat would not work on him. Sons of the Glenn! I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me, which makes sense, because you all saw the troll rip my dad in half. So somebody's dad fell to the troll. But I say we ride for the keep and we show that. troll that we're the boss is now.

Riders of the Lakelands. Yeah! The Dean scream. We have to stop them. The Dean scream is the universal sound of doom. Everyone. Such a clock seven does, such a glass of it does a timeout.

Do not follow the Dean's scream, for it is the modern death now. Time. For whom the Dean scream tolls. It is a doom screen. Who goes there? We are, um, Boggy's Buds, indeed.

A.K. The zoo crew. The zoo crew. Wellies fellies. The new owners of Bog two. Yeah. Bog two. What's Bog two?

Okay. Uh, where the troll lives. The troll lives in the, in Delathorn and we change it. It's no longer Delathorn. It goes by a new name for these are new times, friend. What? Do you work for the troll? Maybe.

He says shaking and racing and racing and sling. He drops it. If the troll knows how to grow and harvest peaches, maybe. If the troll can manage a spreadsheet, then perhaps. He can't do that, all right? The troll. Okay, yeah.

The troll killed my dad. We're going to kill the troll. We're going to kill the troll. You, Decky, you must keep the town safe, for these people will return to the bastion and make it thrive once more. And the peaches that grow there shall be so lush that no one will be left without an impure thought. You have your task and we have ours.

Not with the peach is lush, though. That's going to be impure. You don't want me to ride into the, into the, into the, into the, into the, into the, into the, into the, into the, into the, into the, it's, why don't you let us parlay with the troll? Okay. I'll do, you're right. I'll stay here and be commander. Um, everyone. The second reserves.

You'll be the reserves that we call upon. You guys stay here by the stable and you three. Go to the castle. Is it cool if I give you guys commands on trying to... Decky looks at you with pleading eyes as his pimples pulse. Okay. Look. He mouths, please.

I give him a little tiny thumbs up. The only, it's just, it's just not going to be believable. I'll do your orders, but I'll do them my way. And I bash him with the hilt of my sword in the nose. Easy, man. Easy. I hold him back. A Zit explodes.

from his face as you crack him. He goes to a knee. Oh, good. I like my soldiers with some fighting him. He says, standing up. Good work, Decky. And he gives you a small thumbs up, Raleigh. The last did his father saw before we passed.

All right. Yeah. Let's go. Okay. Let's talk to the steward, right? Indeed. Yes, let's talk to the steward. As we get to the steward, will we get close to those lakes again?

You're going to get close to the lakes as you guys go down to the keep. It's basically lakeside. So you're like descending out of the hills towards the lake. Yes, because I've talked about leeches enough and now I've got a hunger for them. So I am going to have to harvest. Did you guys know we were going to have to like be the economy? Not at all. No, Zutrick,

I am indeed freaking out. I don't like this. We have a payroll to maintain now. I can't even keep myself afloat. This is honestly, I hate to say it, but this is where Longest Tom would shine. Because back at the bog. He would always do a very good job of keeping track of all our stuff. We would just put a big heap of all of the things we had stolen in the middle, and he would make sure that it was

stationary, he would put nets over it, he would make sure that it didn't sink too far into the bog. He had a list. My man kept lists. And that is just beyond what I am willing to do, okay? That's not my job. My job is to party and steal shit. Then we need to bring him back here. We need to bring him back here to manage this estate. not only do we need to save him for the sake of saving him, we need to save him for the sake of this entire town, because the three of us have all confessed that we are not up to the task of employing an army of people.

Mehaps, his pole arm was long, but his ledger's longer. That is what I would rib him by saying in the late hours. But to get him back would require a mighty apology, and I confess I don't know if I'm ready. Okay. A mighty apology and also, breaking into Billiam Longskiff's Manor before Tom's execution, which you know is in 10 days. So gets the jug band.

Tell them to voice in their lips right now. Do you guys think the jug band plays super late? Because as we've all established, I want to get to bed in a reasonable time. Okay, wait. Before we speak to Mrs. Divitt, I think we should go to Hoddle and say, if we are able to free this keep of this troll, then you will have the jug band play tomorrow night at a reasonable hour in between six and eight so that we can go to bed at 10 without being still stimulated

by the jug band. All right. A residency. Yeah. Hoddle. Hottle slides open a window. Oh, yeah. How are you doing, but?

We're doing good. So we're going to kill your troll for you. Oh, she whiz. Yeah. And the only thing we need in return, we need you to get that jug band together. We're going to do a Wednesday at Jugband tomorrow. You'll kill that

troll. Jugband will play breakfast tomorrow. Oh, ho! A sunrise, Jubilee! Well, actually, we were thinking between 6 and 8. We were thinking between 6 p.m. Early evening, you got it, sunset on the lake with the jug ban plan. Who says no to that?

With the fireflies are dancing merrily in the sky? My dad always said, don't ask to hear good news twice, all right? So I'm going to shut this old window here. Why? Not. I love good news. I think he was scared of good things happening and like they could go away if he, like in the windows. Now I'm really figuring all this out. He really projected a lot onto you.

Yeah. All right. I'm going to go tell my son that not story about anything that I've ever said to him. There's a son. All right. Let's go talk to the steward. Mrs. Divid. Very well.

Okay. So you guys leave the stables and the Hulk and you cross the cobblestone streets toward the old church. The whole village is still in tumult. Chickens scatter beneath your feet as children weave between carts piled high with belongings. ahead, the church rises above the rooftops, its steep slate roof, crowned by an iron sigil of the lodestar. The church doors have been thrown wide open, and inside the pews have been rearranged to accommodate the wounded.

Every votive in the chapel is lit, and the villagers move purposely between the benches, carrying bowls of bloody water and bundles of cloth. At the rear of the church, laying underneath a stained glass window depicting a small boat with two oars and a sail, you find a stout, silver-haired woman, resting fitfully with a blood-soaked bandage wrapped around her waist. Is she awake?

Oh, my dears. My dears. Hello. How are you? Mrs. Divid. Hello, I am Wellie Hamdam, and these are my compatriots. Hi there. Boggy Roger, well met.

Is there a Mr. Divid? Oh, but there were... Really? You're a sassy one, Bucky Roger. And I'm Zudrick. So you fought the troll? I have stood between the troll and the silver, the sterling. Oh.

He swiped at me good, but I did. I saved the cutlery, I assure you. That's incredible. That's at least a month of pay for everyone. Okay. Or two months? Half a month? I don't know.

I don't understand. We don't know what's going on. We own the castle, I think. You aren't the new lords, are you? Well, they show her the deed. We are. I take out the deed. You have no husband, but you have new employers.

Mine, the mustard stains, but this is the real deal. You can have a... have it. Oh, oh, thank the hill. No, I don't,

I don't want it. Really? No, I don't want it. Oh, Langer, I want to believe this story. Isn't it good?

You know, I have no husband because I am married to the keep. Then you should, you should have thank you, I serve you,

my lord. Yeah. My good Lord. Could we just like come and go as we please? And then maybe like, there's just a

pile of money. We can grab whenever we want it, and we don't have to worry about any responsibilities whatsoever. Certainly, that's what I, if I'm lucky enough to survive the night, that's what I'll do for you. I'll keep the books in order. I'll keep the crops and manage the payroll and the taxes. Oh, my God, you have to survive. What do you need to survive? What do you need?

What do you need? I pocketed some soup. Do you want more? I don't know. I really shouldn't eat. As I said, I stood between the troll and the silverware where the Brooklyn. swiped at me, caught me rather badly. He broke many bones, many of my bones, and may have taken a kidney.

May have, may have. May have. But I hear you only need one. May I, may I see the wound? I want to see if it festers. Oh, I thought you were going to ask for the cutlery. It's in the carriage by the inn. The wound, why it's nothing to speak of? She lifts her shirt and shows you an insane flesh wound, like deep across your middle.

Oh, and his eye. Okay. Okay, um... Okay, um, I'm gonna try. I don't know that I have good medicine. I don't. I'm gonna still just try to like say a little prayer to the Lodestar and the Hilt and the Ender, though the Hilt may be the rogue gods.

So maybe I'll just omit the Hilt from this one. Uh, and try and just say a little prayer over her wound. Okay. And do a medicine check just to try to help. 14. 14. That's great. You look at her wound.

Um, and you put your hands on it and you kind of feel beneath your hand this like almost a devotion within her, like a will to live because she cares so much about this land and this keep. And you caring about the wound instead of the silver, she actually believes that it could finally be falling into the right hands. So you feel her resting less fitfully underneath your hands. Okay. And in the future, just don't take a swipe for a spoon. Oh, yes. The Duke's ancestral silver, so...

We don't care. Well, to speak for yourself, it's very shiny. I mean, it is going to be the thing that smooths over a couple of months while we try to figure out how to fund this thing. I'm just going to do what I know how to do, would just kill this fucking troll. All right. I feel everything else will fall into place after we kill a guy.

Yes, please, please do free the keep of the troll. And if we survived, the morning I should very much like to show you the grounds. It is a charming little keep, you know. I would love that very much. And do you know how to grow peaches? I know the farmer does, and he is under our employ. Great.

We would mean the lustiest peaches that you can muster. Yeah. Post-haste. Yes. I do believe the warm weather is going to yield a strong crook. Bullie. Okay. Okay. Hey there, Nat Pohl's. This episode is brought to you by Factor. If you've been traveling all summer and you want to get

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Join at RocketMoney.com slash pawpaw. That's RocketMoney.com slash P-A-W, P-A-W. RocketMoney.com slash paw-paw. Goodbye, sweetie. Okay. All right. That's good. All right, great. Well, you know, you survive the night, please. Patter on the head. You as well. Oh, don't tempt me. That was so intimate. Zootrick? What? I've never seen such intimacy from you. Well, there isn't a Mr. Divid. All right.

As she closes her eyes, easier. Everyone knock it off. Easier than before. You guys hop back on your horses and you take the road out of Dunn Glen and make for the bastion that should rightfully be yours. Even in the dark, you can see it waiting below.

The vast lake reflects the clearing sky full of stars. Behind you, the din of the overrun town slowly fades, giving way to the soft sounds of the night. Leather creaks in your saddles, your weapons clink at your sides. Even the breath from your horses seems loud in the sudden quiet. You make your way past a low stone fence, the border of your land. From here, dark green slopes roll gently toward the head of the Big Sister.

A narrow stream cuts across your path and an old stone bridge carries you over it. On the other side, the land opens into a meadow, bordered by a thick post-in-rail fence, empty of humans but full of their effort. A lonely shepherd hut sits in the small pasture, and farther along a dozen or so peach trees spread their crooked arms in neat rows. Their shadowed limbs dusted with pale spring blossoms. A pruning ladder lies abandoned under them in the mud. And then, at last, bog too.

A sturdy keep standing watch over the Big Sister. The wind-beaten curtain wall spreads out before you and closing the tower at the water's edge. All of this is yours. You just have to win it back. Okay. That's something we can do. All right, let's sneak in and kill the strolls to sleep if we can. Zoddy, do you want to call back your crows and see if they've surveyed?

Yeah. Ah! Okay, sweet. So as you call these crows back, a few of them circle over your head, and they almost point their beaks out towards the keep. And you see another group of crows circling above the lake and the boathouse. The boat house? Oh, maybe we should go check out the boat house. Yeah, let's go to the boat house.

Okay. To reach the boathouse, you guys will have to go through the walls of the keep. It's all sort of enclosed like a lakeside fortress. Interesting. All right. You said there was a pruning ladder. Let's take the freaking ladder and let's try to like jump this freaking wall at a part that the troll might not see. I like that.

You're always thinking of jumping and I appreciate it. Okay. So you guys grab this pruning ladder and you continue on towards the curtain wall of Bog 2. As you get closer, your eyes reveal to you that the portcullis of the gatehouse has been left open by the residents and their haste to flee the keep. So the pruning ladder, you at least don't need it right now. I keep it. You sheathe it. So Zudderick holding a lance and a pruning ladder.

You guys pass beneath the iron teeth of the portcullis and enter the courtyard of Fort Della Thorn. It's completely still. The Duke's banner lies trampled in the mud and overturned cart rests on its side. basket smashed open and their contents scattered across the ground. A pair of heavy iron braziers have burned down to their embers casting a dull pulsing glow over the empty yard. Stone barracks hug the gatehouse behind you into your left, a long stable runs along the eastern wall. Its door is hanging open onto empty stalls. Beside it, sits a low workshop and a storehouse across the courtyard to your right, you see a squat cookhouse beside the iron skeleton of a glass garden.

And directly ahead of you, the main tower. A three-story stone stone, keep with cranelated battlements, tall arched windows, and a pair of towering oak doors leaning open. Oh, okay, probably expecting us to going through the door, but we have a ladder to go sort of to like a belfry or something. Yeah. Indeed. Okay. We want to use the ladder to go in through a random ass window. Trolls can't use ladders. They're too heavy. Really smart. Yeah. Okay. You guys go over to like the wall adjacent to the large doors and you can you can climb up the ladder. and crawl into the window. Great.

Okay. Yeah, we do that. Wonderful. Okay. Who is going in first? Me with my fucking sword out. Anyone is there, innocent or otherwise, I punch them in the head.

Yeah, sounds great. Okay, so it sounds awesome, go for it. You finally use the pruning ladder and you tumble into the keep. You're standing on like a raised inner balcony overlooking the great hall of the keep. The room below you is decimated. A tapestry hangs in ribbed.

from one wall. Benches and chairs have been piled against the door in a shattered barricade. A massive wooden table lies split down the middle. And now, as you case the room, you notice the arrows sunken into the gouged wall and overturned furniture. From this bird's eye view, you realize this is where the garrison made their stand. Bodies still lie where they fell, but none of them are intact. Empty suits of armor, their contents half eaten, lie in pools of blood among broken swords and splintered shields. Humans bent into shapes that people don't bend into. Whatever they fought here, it won by a lot, and it walked away. As you look down, your eyes follow a trail of bloody footprints, dark red, larger than serving trays,

as they cross the Great Hall and continue out the back. Okay, dibs on this room, by the way. Yeah, you can have it. Sure. This room sucks. Everything's in delightful disarray. If I just bring some mud in here, it'll be like home. I do like the riband tapestry.

Oh, yes, moldy is all held. Yeah, that guy got his head ripped off. Can we try to listen to see if there's like the sound of a troll snoring or, you know, clanging around pots or anything? Sure. You can all give me perception checks. Great. 19 on to die. Just a seven. Just an eight.

Indecent 20. Hell yeah. With the dirty 20, this whole keep now is eerily quiet. It's almost like this troll came in, decimated everything, claimed the keep. and these footsteps walk out a back door. Oh, he's just chilling at the boathouse. Because he's a river troll. Exactly.

So it wants to be riverfront property. Ah, maybe he needs to submerge himself in the water every few hours. Maybe he's amphibious. I'll freaking submerge him. I wonder if the lake gives him special abilities. We should probably try to drag him away from the lake. We've got to dry him out. Yeah.

Yeah. So then I think let's go to the boat house. This guy's pissing me off. Should we use the ladder to sneak in through the roof of the boathouse? Let's like the freaking boathouse on fire. Not bad, but wait, what if we need the boathouse? Why would we need it? We don't even need this place.

We love you in the boat house. What? The comings and goings. How else will we be shipping out our peaches to all of the realm? Oh, see, well, you're already thinking like a manager. It's infecting you. How can I not? I have the livelihoods of a whole town of people on my shoulders.

The burden, it weighs heavy. Like a thousand sexy peaches upon my brow. Okay, no, no, no, but we can always rebuild the boathouse. I agree. We'll light some of your arrows on fire and, and light it up. Very good. Yes.

I'll dip some of my arrows into the oil I carry with me. I have a big flagon of it. And I will, with everyone's blessing, launch these forth at the boathouse. Zudrick, this was your idea. Do you feel good about it? I feel great about it. Let's burn the thing down.

If this is going to get nasty, I'm going to use one of my... Wait, what if someone else is in there? Do you want to send your crows to double check? Edgar, would you describe the person that's in the boathouse as a troll like? Edward, Bobbs his head and spreads his wings like really big.

Oh, yeah, that's a troll. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. I am going to... Wait, what if the troll is like, has someone in there and they're like... Do you want me to sneak up and take a look at it? Yeah.

Yeah, sorry, this was your idea. I was just trying to yes and you. Well, you just... Yeah, I was just trying to guess and you, Sujic. Well, he's really tired. I don't just, like, it's a conversation, right? Conversations go back and forth. Yeah, you're so right.

You're so right. Don't get it. He got seven hours and 45 minutes of sleep. It's not about the time. It's not about the time. He's cooked. He's cooked. It's not about the timeing.

Loggy sneak ahead. That's so wise. It's not about the time. It's about the timing. Wow. It's like Hoddle's here right now. Or Hoddle's dad, rather. You know, my dad used to say.

I'm going to use a superiority dice to do this as an ambush. So I'm going to add a D8 to my sneak. Okay. 23. All right. So you guys pull up the pruning. Picked up, put it down into the main room and go out the back door. You follow the bloody footsteps.

You find a covered stairway descending into the lake. You make your way into darkness, torchlight, illuminating the path until your boots crunch against Earth. You step forward onto the gravel bank as the Big Sister stretches out before you, black and perfectly still beneath the stars. You guys can finally shit or piss or wash your feet in this lake if you wanted to. I take a shit. Silently, man.

Yeah, silently. Okay. I think I'm going to wait until after we fight the choice. but I have a missive in a bottle to send. Oh, wow. Okay. Buggy is distracted by how silently Zudrick is able to shit. Yeah, I'm in and out.

It's almost like he dips his ass into the water, so there's no plush. Not a single grunt or groan. The air is colder here, carrying a breeze down from the mountains across Imogene's shores. To your left, natural stone steps cut into the rocky bank that leads to a narrow dock reaching out over the water. At the end stands the old boathouse, dark beneath a sweeping, thatched roof, like a covered bridge to nowhere. Boggy, this is where you'll sneak from.

You make your way down the dock, water lapping softly against the planks, and you reach the outside of the boathouse. You can smell it from out here, the smell of wet rope and pine tar, almost like you're right at home. And you poke your head inside, heavy rafters disappear into the darkness overhead,

hung with fishing nets, rusted hooks, and long wooden oars. The lake runs beneath the building. Dark water slashes between two timber slips, An old skiff hangs crooked in a sling above you. Along the walls you see floats, tackle, lanterns, and rolls of sailcloth. Everything sways almost imperceptibly with the water. And boggy at the far end of the boathouse, framed by a pair of doors thrown open to the Black Lake beyond, floats an old longboat. 20 feet of dark clinker-built timber moored to a thick wooden piling.

Inside it, something is sleeping. With every slow breath, the old hull creaks beneath its weight. Oh. We need that boat, I bet, to get to God's port. So maybe we don't want to light it on fire. So let's kill it in its sleep. Let's just go stab this thing in the fucking head. Okay, I am going to activate my might of the gods and become really strong.

Yes. So I technically double in size, but only in certain lights. Yes, the shadows play tricks on my eyes. The dark light in the boathouse envelopes Wellie, making her swell and, look larger to your eyes as Zudrick and Wellie enter as well. I think we should attempt to pull the troll out

of the boat because if it were to get into the water, we might lose it. Oh, fair. Maybe you just shoot it. Yeah. You just shoot it with an arrow and then we'll just be in waiting. Why don't we try to pull the boat back ashore? Because I have really, I'm strong right now. Why don't you just shoot it and we'll just see what happens.

You can always move the boat if, uh, you know. Zuddy, you have the wisdom of the ages, my friend. I knock an arrow and fire it right between its eyes. Okay. You can do that with advantage. It's asleep. With advantage on my longbow, that's going to be a 21. 21 hits.

I say, you're not welcome in Bob 2! And I blast this arrow at it that is going to be 12 damage. All right. And as you plunge two arrows into this sleeping troll, you feel the whole entire dock, shake the troll that's out a primal roar. Oh! rises suddenly from the long boat, towering over you, easily 12 feet tall.

Oh. His bloated flesh pale and translucent like a drowned corpse. The boat pitches beneath his weight, and he staggers onto the dock, splintering planks, as he claws his way upright, boggy locks eyes at you, razor-sharp hands flashing out as he opens a mouth full of jagged teeth.

Everyone roll initiative. Yes. 14. 12. 17. All right. First things first. I need somebody, let's call it boggy, to roll a D6.

Oh, no. A two, a shoutout. Okay, the first thing I'm calling these lake actions. They're just going to be environmental hazards. That's why I was trying to get him away from the lake. That's why I wanted to drive the thing. We wanted to get him away from the lake. We shot him.

The troll jumps into the rafters above and kicks out at that boat suspended by boat hooks from the ceiling. One of the ropes snaps and the boat comes crashing. into the dock. Everybody give me deck saves. Oh, it's got mastery of boats. 13. 19. Nine.

Okay, Zudrick and Wellie, you guys instinctively ducked just low enough that the boats hull splinters apart against two piling and you're able to just get out of the way. Bucky, you try to do the same thing, but don't get quite as low. You hear the thick whoosh and you see a shadow hurtling out of the darkness. No time to move. Thwack. And you are hit for. or she's nine damage. Okay.

See, he's just calling them lake actions. That was just a tied-up boat. And Boggy, that's your turn. Now that I've seen, okay, so the troll is up in the rafters now. He basically just, like, kicked out of the rafters. That's not necessarily,

like the lake actions aren't something the troll is specifically doing. It's just chaos happening within this house. It's layer actions. I got to. Yeah. Yeah. I am going to try and stick with the initial plan

and try and lure the troll away from the water. Okay. So I think I fire two arrows at this thing, and then I'm just going to, like, I'm just going to open my mouth and scream really loudly. And then I'm just going to start running out of the boat house. Please don't eat me. No! Okay. And I want to make a performance.

Can I make a performance check or a deception check? Sure. Great. And you're trying to convince the troll that you're afraid of it? Yeah, yeah. Okay. Wait. Okay. I wish I had rolled well on this, but I didn't. That's going to just be a flat tin.

Okay. I mean, this thing's really stupid. Fuck it. I'm going to use my heroic inspiration. For what? That's an 18. I'm so confused. Okay. The troll watches you flee and then Huff's satisfied. Don't chase me. Don't chase me. How much damage did you do to it? I imagine a 23 hits? Yeah. Okay, great. That'll be two hits. Then one sec.

17 damage as I flee from the building. Okay, great. You plunge another two arrows into him, and he roars after you. That is Zudrick's turn. I'm alone. Chase me. Okay.

Presumably this thing, I think this thing sees us, right? Yeah, you guys weren't hiding or anything. Zudgen runs out in attacks. Cling to the Shadow's friends. Yes. Zudrick runs out and fucking pole vaults at this thing. So I'm going to do my...

my jump, my launch. So I'll use a bonus action to launch and then I make an attack with advantage. That's a 17 to hit. 17 hits. Great. Okay. So then I'll do a D8 plus a D10 of damage. Oh, baby. 22 damage on my first attack. And then I'll take a regular ass lance attack. This one's just regular. And I swing it around really laboriously. 22 to hit. Regular. 22 hits.

Okay. Kirkland's signature lance. That one is 13 damage. Okay, so you launch yourself hurtling out over the dark lake, connecting with the troll, and it screams in anger and pain. And then I'm going to try to topple it. It needs to make two con saving throws. Okay.

To see if it falls while I'm hitting it. All right. 21 and a Nat one. Okay. So I knock it over. So the troll staggers. back tripping over one of the docks and he falls ass-first into the lake. So he's prone now and that is Wellie's turn.

Okay. Okay. I have a question. Can I get a sense of if I were to drag the troll away from the lake if he wouldn't have access to his layer actions? If you guys left this lakehouse, the environmental hazards of it like coming apart would mostly stop. How many feet would I need to drag him?

30 or 40 feet. Okay. I think I could maybe. do that. I would like to use my turn to try to grapple him. Okay. I have advantage on, I am, I am large right now, so I'm kind of a similar height to him, I'm guessing, unless he's bigger than that. You guys are toe to toe pretty much. Okay. I'm going to use my first attack to try to grapple him. Dirty 20. There we go. He rolled in nine. Yes. Okay. So you grapple in. So I'm going to drag him 15 feet because that's half my movement. And then I will action surge to,

drag him another 15 feet. So I've dragged him 30 feet. If I need more, I can use my tactical shift to drag him like another like 10 feet. Yeah. Okay. Six. With all of this darkness and like thrashing limbs, you guys can imperceptibly see Wellie looks almost the same size as the troll.

As she stands in water, she shouldn't rightly be able to stand into, dragging him by the waist towards the shore where Zudrick recently definitely definitely. You will not benefit from the lake. Lakes and rivers are of the gods. Through the window of the shadowy boathouse, I see this mass moving towards me and I'm like, it's working! It's working! Well, he drags the troll past boggy on the dock.

So you smash him into the shore. He's roaring in anger and confusion. Like he doesn't understand somebody matching his strength. And that is his turn. All right, this lake troll, I think he's angry and desperate and he's going to swing wildly at you with disadvantage since you have him grappled and prone. He takes three attacks. So the first one is a bite. He goes for your collarbone. Could be a 26, but with disadvantage, it is 16. Missing! Good for you. I'm 17. His teeth crunch

into your breastplate, denting it, but not reaching your skin. And he's going to take two more claw attacks. That one is an 18 to hit, even with disadvantage. That hits. And his other one rolled in that one. So only one. He swipes at you with his claw for 13 damage. Oh, he hits hard, boys. All right. Let's kill him quick. Okay. Keep him grappled. And that is another lake action, which I think only Zudrick is in the lake house. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay, so roll me a D6. Zuddy. Why didn't you run? Didn't you see that? One. Zudrick, as Well, he dragged the troll out, A portion of the dock got ripped up and sent wood flying into the air. I need you to make a deck save.

Okay. Seven. As they whoosh past you and the dock splinters apart, you feel your body goes sidelonging into darkness. For a moment, you feel suspended in time and then splash. You're in the lake. Oh, in armor? I'm in the drink. Oh, you just shit in there.

Now that is Boggy's turn. Do I see Zudrick go into the lake? Yeah, you see him going to the lake. Can I just shout? Zuddy! Yeah. He's right next to the dock, so it'll just take an athletics check to climb out.

Okay, okay. You good? You know, I'm pissed. All right. Keep your mouth closed. You don't know where that shit went. I'm going to run over and help Wellie since I'll get advantage on these attacks.

Yeah. And I point a arrow right at the troll's head and say, this is your last chance. You're tall enough you don't even need a pruning ladder. Work for us. The troll looks at you confused, thinking it scared you away.

And he swipes. his claws out. I knew you fell for it. All right. I close my eyes and say, could have been a bud. And then I fire two arrows. All right. It is a 15 and a 26. Is it 15 hit? 15 misses, the 26 hits. Dang. Okay, I'll just do one. But I will use a superiority dice to add a D8 to this. It's going to be a trip attack, but he's already tripped. So just the extra damage. Very well. 16. You shoot another arrow into the troll. And that is Zudrick's turn. Zudrick, you are in the lake currently. Oh my God.

I try to get out of the water. I'm so mad. Okay, give me an athletics check to crawl out. All right, I'll try. Christ. Ready? Wait. Oh, can I use the lock?

Because I got a one. Oh, yeah, you can. I'm going to use it. Okay, I flip the coin. Why is you flipping a coin? Athletics, I got a 13. Okay, nice. You go to climb out of the slick piling and your foot.

slides down, but you're able to slam your gauntlet back onto the dock. You have your feet under you. Okay. I'm going to fucking kill this guy. I'm just, you know what? I want to make sure I'm going to grab a torch off the freaking wall. Nice. There's a torch nearby?

Yeah, there's like lanterns and torches in here. Okay, I'll do first attack. We're just going to launch onto this prone guy. So I'm going to try to just do a lot of damage to him on the first one. That's definitely going to hit. That's 26 to hit. Okay. 22 damage with the launch attack.

Nice. Amazing. And then with the second attack, can I just take a torch and just shove it in his face? Yeah. Just in case he's got some kind of water powers or something. Yeah.

Just going by Pokemon rules. Roll me an improvised weapon attack. Okay. Ooh. Okay. That's 24 to hit. Amazing. I'll let you do two D6 of fire damage.

Nice. This guy does not like fire. I thought that might be the case, you little water guy. Rather moist. With those moist lips, he could have been perfect for the jug band. 12 damage. As you slice into him and throw fire in his face, you see he staggers back, very fearful of the fire,

and one of his arms falls off at the elbow. You sliced it straight off. That is Wellie's turn. Okay. He's still prone. I have him grappled, but I want to attack with two hands, so I'm going to release the grapple, but he's still prone, and then I'm going to lay into him. Grapple release.

Let's do it. 18 on the first attack. Hits. 23 on the second attack. Both hit. Okay. I am going to use, my first attack is going to include

an extra D6 for my might of the gods as well as invoke Hilt Rune. I'm going to do an extra 2D6 of fire. Ooh. Sick. 24 damage, eight of which is fire. Oh, nice. And then on my second attack,

17 more damage. Damn. Okay. This troll is freaking out now. It's super surprised. It like scampers away from you since you released the grapple towards like the rocky outcropping. Well, actually, it might not be able to. It has to do a strength saving throw or be restrained where it's prone.

It's a 23. Okay, okay. It's large and fearful. Give him a small W. But he scampers away and bends down giving another mighty roar. And it's going to lash out at Wellie again with a bite. Oh, actually, since I use it. Use my sunsword.

I will use my once per day on a hit. Your blade sparks against an enemy and can impose disadvantage on the next attack against you. So he'll have disadvantage on his next attack against me. So sick. Light glows from the Opal Sunsword out over the Big Sister as this troll backs up towards the rocky outcropping, gathering its strength. It looks down in its body expecting some of its wounds to start closing. And they do not because you've dealt fire damage to it.

And it is going to run out and try to bite you with disadvantage. That is only a 13 on its bite. Misses! Okay. It's going to slash out at you with its two claws, only a 12 and then a 25 to hit. Hits. Okay, so its claw slashes across your armor for 15 damage. Ooh.

How are you doing, Willie? How do you fare? I feel hopeful, but delusionally so. Okay. It's health points, not hopeful. point, so let us know. The troll sees how deep it cut you and sort of starts to gather some confidence. And I'm going to have something else role initiative.

And now flapping from inside the lake, the troll's arm. This is a troll limb. And it has the mind basically of the troll. It's going to make an attack at Zudrick, a claw attack. What the hell? Arms up, Zuddy. That is a 23 to hit. Yeah.

I am going to use my reaction to make. Take that target the troll instead. Whoa! With my Invoke Lodestar Rune. Amazing. Okay. And so then we can really say stop hitting yourself. This troll limb, this troll limb flaps out of the lake like a beached fish going towards Zudrick.

But then, Wellie, you redirect it with your magic and it lashes out wildly at the troll for nine damage. Truly good. Just classic Wellie humor. And that takes us back up to. a lake action, which is not going to happen because you guys are all on the shore. We are back to Boggy. Very good. First of all, I'm going to look over to Wellie and I'm going to say, from the mouth of this lake, your inspiration springs, and so I give you this commendation.

Yes? Am I being knighted again? I go to a knee so excited to be knighted. I do a weird little twist and a hip thrust, and then I tilt my hat down, and then I point at you, and I'm going to use Rally as my bonus action to give you 1D8 plus two, Timp HB. Oh, thank you. It almost looked like the perfect cast from a goofy movie. I'm dancing that hat tilt was insane. Thank you.

Anytime. You inspire me, and I shall inspire you in turn. Sabagi gives Wellie a pep talk. If you would allow me, I want to shoot one arrow at the troll, another at the arm. Yes, sure. All right, so first one at the troll, that is a 17. 17 hits. Second one at the arm is a 24.

So both hit. Yep. I'll do a trip attack on the arm. That's 11 damage to the troll, and then seven damage to the arm, and then that's a DC-14th strength save. The limb fails. I pull out this arrow that has a tiny little bear trap on the front of it. And I say, Dandy O'Kandle, serve me well!

And I fire this arrow and it just chomps into the flesh of this arm. The flesh plops into the lake like a speared fish. It's prone in the water. And it took seven damage. And that is Zudrick's turn. Sweet. Launching last launch of the day at this freaking troll. Eat Lance.

20 to hit. Does hit. 19 damage. Awesome. And then I'll just take a regular attack, swing around my giant Lance. Ooh, 19 a hit. 19 hits. Eight more damage.

Okay, this thing is on death's door. Then I will action, sir. No. Take two more attacks. Okay, these are regular attacks again, so I just keep swinging around, windmilling, letting the momentum take me as I just spin in circles.

Okay, 18 and a 21. Both at... 30 damage. 30, this thing was at three. Hell yeah. Yes. I'll let you finish the... troll and cleave into the limb, which was at 4 HP.

Sweet. I jump into the water and just start furiously stabbing into the arm and just get myself covered in troll blood. Okay. This is him at seven hours and 55 minutes of sleep. Can you imagine a full eight? Zudrick just stabs deeply into the Black Lake at something writhing below and then it finally goes still. We're still an initiative. Wellie, that's your turn. Is there any other combatant on the field? Wait, just fire, fire on the troll. Fire on the troll. I don't have any more fire. Just take a torch or something.

Okay, I find a torch. Okay, give me an improvised weapon attack. Fry this thing. Okay. 21. That hits. Okay. Yeah, I just want to light it up so it can't regenerate.

Light it up. Yes. Boil it like a tasty leech. You guys light this thing up like it can't fire. The troll, which it started to regenerate to gain some of its HP back, starts crackling and. burning and he lays still by the lake. The limb crawls out harmlessly and you guys can kick it into the fire too.

Get out of here. But what if the limb has its own little story? I kill it. I kill it so hard. Wait a minute. No, no, no. It acts independently. It might have a pure soul.

It attacked us. It could help us harvest peaches. I throw it in the fire. We're going to need all the help we can get. I break it over my knee and then throw it in the fire. That's probably. And then I piss on the fire. That's fair.

Okay. As you guys piss in the fire and deprecate in the lake, A quiet falls over Imogene reflecting a thousand stars. Somewhere above you, an empty flagpole stretches into the night sky from the battlements. This keep has always belonged to dukes, barons, and nobles. But tonight, from now on, it belongs to the three who fought for it. This bastion, Bog two, is yours. Shout out to the Bog two crew.

And now that you've claimed this lakeside keep, Wellie, you had a message in a bottle that you wanted to send out. Yes. I have a little message to send knowing that this will bob past the monastery of the Order of the Okinaw. I'm going to tuck this little bottle with a rolled up scroll into the waters, knowing that the waters have never failed me. They will make sure that it finds the sendee. Who is Lady Genevier? Yes, I've written a note. Would you like me to read it? Yes, please.

We'd be honored. Dearest Lady Genevere, I know not if you wish to hear from me. If this missive is unsolicited, you may defile it as you see fit. I am working hard to ameliorate the grave insult I caused you, and I pray the lodestar, the hilt, and the ender will guide me back to be once more worthy of your company. I hope you are well, and that your fiancé is treating you with the gentleness and awe that you deserve. yours in chastity and modesty Wellie Hamdam

P.S. I have a fort now A homeowner, if you will, a peach baron in the making and I, and a smiley face. A rather suggestive one, question mark. Is that a winky face? The eyebrows are dancing. And I fight the urge

to kiss the bottle as I send it off to see. Well scribed, sir Wellie. Well scribe. Okay. You cork it. and toss it in the lake, and the three of you, watch as it bobs from the shore, headed towards the Keystone River and down to the Knights of the Oaken Ore. And that's where we'll end our session. We're so bad. We're so bad.

Yeah, we're so bad. I missed you guys. I miss these guys. I can't wait to go to sleep. Oh, do you think someone made the beds? You're going to find out in session, too. Yeah, we're just going to have to sleep amongst slaughter. That'll be fine.

We've been camping. Yeah, fair. All right. You can listen to us talk about this over on our short rest. Patreon.com slash natpod. That's NADDPOD. Don't sing yet. Don't do it.

Does anyone have anything they'd like to plug? I'll go ahead and shout out a plug for Fantastic Castle. It's the All Ages D&D show. I've been doing some of my Disney animator friends. It's been a lot of fun. Yeah. Please check it out if you have kids or if you just like D&D. It's very fun and silly.

Great. Hell yeah. Check it out. And you can follow us on social media. the remirement I use at the age trust me at colleagues Caldwell at a extras Emily and at Jake George's Jake and you can talk about the show online using hashtag Nadpod that's any DDPOD

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Cutter W. Daniel G. Danielle the Dastately Dame. Carpe Liam. Victor T. Balnor's boy. Hweed's friend. His fortune. Justin I. Danny Danster. T.J. M. Haley the crayfe. Dr. O'hee. Now you have to say it. Jordan L. Cyborg version of Josh the Cobald. Gendorf de Grape. Stevie Wags. Hellish rebuquer the NBD M Ph.D.M.H.D.H.D.H.D.H.J.H.D.H. Jack L.N. C.S.S.E.S.S. L.E.R.R.C.R.J.E.H.T.C.C.C.C.? X.C.C.? X.C.C. Skateboard. Stephen C. Sh shortest beard in Bohumia. R. R. R. R. K. Nico, the underpaid English teacher, William W. Big Bad Bird of the Mad, Nova. Pasoville, Frederick Stein von Musil Gliselsky, Derruder the Third.

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Well, congrats on the youngin, though. Blue Ash, Forest H, Fico, J, K, Guard. Ferry's dance for the kill screens delight, vodka crayons and cigars glowing bright. Lexi H. M.J. the BF.G. Roger L. Cranagh's blessings be upon you. Nick J. Elijah won't. Meridwin, Londoner excited for the live show. Me too. Guestose. Pip. Shenanagan's O'Connor. Joshua S. Alexander. Lins W. Sky, the eldest coffee master of Bohumia, Johnny Dudke, the mischief of Nat Pod's familiars. Pavu Escanar, the Goliath Paladin, providing service with a smile.

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