Not Another D&D Podcast - Skaldova Season 2 - Ep. 3: The Big Sister

Episode Date: October 8, 2026

The Zu Crew sets out across Lake Imogene. Welly falls for some wildlife, Zudrick goes fishing, and Boggy faces the music.Sound Mixing and Editing by Brian Murphy and Faris MonshiMusic / Sound... Effects Include:"Blackthorn Hall" by Emily Axford"Vinril's Min'rils" by Emily Axford"The Red Fen" by Emily Axford"Into the Mist" by Emily Axford"Shock at the Dock" by Emily Axford"The Smithy's Hut" by Emily Axford"Boggy Roger" by Emily Axford"Irondeep" by Emily AxfordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:55 That's alienware.com slash 15. Goodbye, sweeties. This is a headgum podcast. Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Welcome back to Skaldova, everybody. Skull! Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:01:28 Oh, my God. Do something. I swallowed 12 fireflies. It's just so poetic here. I'm your dungeon master, Jake Hurwitz, here with Brian Murphy. Refusing tonight, Deky, because he isn't ready, Zodrick of the murder. Emily Axford. From order of the oaken row to order of the compass and crow, it's Wally Hamdam.
Starting point is 00:01:50 There you go. Okay, technically it's order of the oaken ore. I just want everyone to know that. That you know that. But I took some license for a ride. Yeah, she didn't forget her own law. Don't revoke my license. That's poetic license.
Starting point is 00:02:05 Let's see if you survived the fireflies. Caldwell Tanner. Oh, rob-dub-dub, making liquor in a tub. There's peaches within reach. So grab a cub bob. It's Boggy Roger. Oh, yeah. He's living.
Starting point is 00:02:17 He's thriving. Peaches within reaches. Peaches within reaches. I need to use the corner. For that, really. Before you drink those, how about a little recap? Let's do it. Last time, our three lighthearted lords explored their brand new castle
Starting point is 00:02:32 and immediately got to work on some home improvement projects. You cleaned up the corpses with varying degrees of respect for the dead, constructed a terrarium for your pet frog, complete with a working toilet, and each claimed the smallest room in the keep made even smaller by the fact that you dragged in a giant copper bathtub. Essentials only. You raised a very busy flag up the flagpole,
Starting point is 00:02:54 and the next morning the staff of Bogtu gratefully returned home. Establishing the order of the compass and crow united a young man named Bulge while Mrs. Divitt got to work building out your bastions special facilities. A distillery for brewing magical whiskey, a rookery for deepening your connection to the birds, and a sanctuary for kitchens. contemplating the gods erotically or not.
Starting point is 00:03:15 With your new home established, your hirelings employed and your bathtub safely in a different room, you turned your attention back to Longest Tom and the mystery of the second or. Wellie, you discovered an old carving in a table depicting a road through the bog where none exist, and you made a plan to cross Lake Imogene to see where it leads. And that is where we are now. Wellie, I suppose that of all of us, you might have the most experience on watercraft. Can you propel us forward? Absolutely.
Starting point is 00:03:45 I mean, honestly, though we were called the Order of the Oaken Oar, and we did do some lake kayaking, I will confess that we did way more weighting. Oh, you did more worshiping of the oar than using it. Yeah, so the oar that we were worshipping, we thought that there wasn't another one. So what do you do with one oar? Well, I guess you can still go. See, I should have known. Go in circles, yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:14 We did a lot more sort of wading into the waters. Contemplating, meditating. Fishing with a net. Indeed. Okay, yeah. So you're saying you don't know what to do. We'll figure it out. I think I know the river well.
Starting point is 00:04:28 Ah, well, that's a perfect first step. And I feel like that will translate to a lake. Do we need to give reverence to our ores? Would that make you feel better? It would. Boggy kisses each of the oars as he dips them under the water. Well, he feels like that might be her heresy, but then her not like her old self is like heresy. And then her new self is like self-expression. So before you guys go down to the lake,
Starting point is 00:04:53 you'll get your chance to kiss the oars. Here in the courtyard, are there any final preparations? Anything else you guys want to do up here in Bog 2 before you head down and make your crossing? I have one outstanding piece of business. Okay. The check band. Oh, yeah. A perfect send off. Oh, shit. Yes, of course, the jug band. We're leaving without the jug band. Yeah, we really get to wait around until like six o'clock at night.
Starting point is 00:05:18 Oh, are we going to, no, we're going to make them play for us right now. This is a special, I know, but we made a huge deal about the time. I know, but I think we have to ask. Okay, you guys see like a wagon pulling into the courtyard. They're unloading instruments. Clearly, they're like planning on setting up. All the instruments are in boxes. They look a little tired.
Starting point is 00:05:40 You know, they know their show is at 6 p.m. tonight. Oh, no. They're saving their caffeine for when they need it. They're not on right now. They're just, they don't look on. Okay, you know what? I don't. I feel like we save the jug band for when we return with Longest Tom.
Starting point is 00:05:57 I think you're right because I actually don't want to see a husk of who they really are. Yeah, let's not blow our freaking jugs yet. It's true. I want to talk, but they look rough. Yeah. You can tell that all of them. them are like show at 6 p.m. Don't expend all your energy now. They were up late at the busted Hulk drinking with Hoddle. Their sleep schedules are fogged. All right, so you leave the jug
Starting point is 00:06:22 band to unpack on their own and you make your way down toward the lake where the old boathouse still bears the scars of yesterday's fight. Broken planks have been pulled aside and stacked along the shore and a few workers are already beginning repairs. Excellent stacking friends. Keep it up. Poggy salutes some workers on the dock. You're a really good foreman. The three of you walk out across the long skinny dock, almost like you're walking on water. As you reach the boathouse, you hear the scrape of wood against wood and ducking inside. You see a broad, shoulder, half-orke, manhandling a skiff toward the water.
Starting point is 00:06:54 He wears a heavy wool sweater with the sleeves pushed up past his elbows, and his gray-green skin bears faded tattoos over his bulbous forearms. Good sir. We depart today. We require a vessel. Have you kissed the oars yet, or do you require us to do that? You don't have to do that. How's it going good, sir? Yarr. Kissing an oar, are you? It's totally respectful.
Starting point is 00:07:16 Before you set sail, what are your sort of good luck habits that you engage in? Well, for good luck, I always check the hole for leaks. It's not really luck. That's just smart. Yarr. But I like that. I'm not really much of for kissing oars. Sounds like this man's making his own luck.
Starting point is 00:07:33 What is your name, friend? Plenty of lucky men drown in this lake. You're hilarious. For sure. My name's Pullings, and I've heard yelled be cross in old Imogene. Fair day for it. Is it? He looks up.
Starting point is 00:07:49 Aye. But you know, the water don't always answer for what the sky be doing. Oh, okay. Wow, you gave us something hopeful and then undercut it. Yes. Well, he's salty, right? Just like the lake, it can rip the hope from your heart. Okay, actually, wait, this makes sense.
Starting point is 00:08:06 I know the river. but you know the lake. Tell us about this lady, Imogene. He's a freaking lake pirate. Tell us about Imogene. What is her temperament like? What should we expect on her voluptuous waves? Stop.
Starting point is 00:08:20 She gets a glassy look in his eyes. He has the same romantic feelings about Imogene as you do. I'll be back. Oh, wow. He's right there with her. She is a mystery. She is a goddess, but she can be cruel. You never know what the lake will give you.
Starting point is 00:08:36 I feel like you should. Good. It's a lake, right? Right, it's all self-contained. Yeah, it's all pretty like, should have not. Yeah, like, even the river is affected by the ocean, I would think more than a lake would be, right? Sort of like a terrarium for your fish. These waters are old and they are deep, and you never know what lurks in the shadows. It is true.
Starting point is 00:08:56 We did encounter a rather nasty troll that came from the lake. So, you know, there's some truth to what you're saying, friend. And what about the history of Lake Imogene? What part did she play in the age of story? Well, you know, the Imogene I know, she is a trading route for fish from the sea or goods from Goodport. Okay. But they say back in the day when magic was in this world, the lake's waters reflected dragons from the sky above. Oh.
Starting point is 00:09:27 It's a pretty crowded lake. And what are her depths? Old Imogene. Are there any rumors of the crafts that may have fallen at her whim? Yes. Has anyone plunged them? Imogene is 30 miles from here to the far shore, 10 miles across. The lake floor is littered with vessels, some that have sunk as recently as a few weeks ago
Starting point is 00:09:50 and some of untold origin. There are treasures below, I'm sure, but there are monsters as well. We must establish an expedition. Boggy hears the word treasure, just like puts his hand on pulling shoulder and says, we will see the bottom of it, friend, before the day is done. Well, he is completely on your side because right now she's like, oh my God, what if there is a sky ship at the bottom of Lake Imogene? We've got dredging to do, friends.
Starting point is 00:10:19 We would just think it was a regular ship, though. I'm sorry, I thought we were saving longest Tom. Like, are we? Yes, of course, yes. In time, in time. You're right. Yeah, there are two different threads that you guys are pulling here. There's the immediacy of saving longest Tom who's about to be executed, but then there is this greater mystery of finding that second ore, of seeing if Lenark lives and if magic can come back to this world.
Starting point is 00:10:44 Yeah. Sorry, Zuddi. I get really distracted by romantic ideas like Lenark still being alive and ships of unknown origin at the bottom of a gorgeous voluptuous lake. Okay. I don't know that it's voluptuous. She is. Are you kidding me? Aye, she is quite voluptuous.
Starting point is 00:11:03 Look at those waves. I feel like everyone wants to sleep at the lake. Those waves are bewitching me to feelings beneath my morality. You need to kiss the oar. If you don't sleep in the lake, the lake sleeps with you. All right, pullings. Well, that was helpful. Yarr.
Starting point is 00:11:20 Sorry. Okay. Just go ahead and pull that boat out there. Yarr. Okay, I'll do that. What sort of monsters does she contain? Monsters of all shapes and sizes. Some be ghosts
Starting point is 00:11:32 Some be squids You never know what this lake will give you So two very different things There might even be a squid ghost No If you could be beaten once You could be beaten again Boggy fires seven arrows into the water
Starting point is 00:11:48 In all the seven directions I hope there's not sirens are there Because my party I feel Would really fall for sirens What's a siren just like a Mermaid Or above looking woman because yeah, I do fall for that every time.
Starting point is 00:12:04 We encountered a bog siren watch, but it was just a rather sumptuous donkey. Yarr. Pullings, it's been great. Indeed. So he knocks his knuckles against the hull and he says, she's a sturdy little boat,
Starting point is 00:12:21 but the big sister's floor is lined with vessels far sturdier. If you're taking on water, use the patch kit. He motions to a canvas bundle between the benches. And if you're taking on too much water, swim. Okay.
Starting point is 00:12:35 Well, I think it's time to set sail. Yeah, let's do it. All right. With one last heave, Pullings slides this skiff into the lake. Inside, there are two sets of oars, a coil of rope, it wouldn't bucket, and that small canvas bundle, which contains the patch kit. He looks out over the big sister, and he says, Roe steady, keep your wits about you, and keep your boots dry.
Starting point is 00:12:58 All right. And with that, Pullings gives you. the stern one final firm push and launches you from the slip. You fly through the boathouse, which is already humming with activity as the people of Bogtu set about their work, repairing the docks. The roof disappears overhead and you blink against the sudden brightness as the skiff glides out over the open lake. Sunlight catches the spray from your flashing oars like glittering jams tumbling into the deep. Looking back, you see the smiling faces along the shore, handkerchiefs fluttering in farewell. The jug band setting up on the battlemen.
Starting point is 00:13:29 It'll be good for morale for everyone else. The bastion grows smaller behind you, and the waters of Imogene spread wider and wider. Wow. So here's how this is going to work. This is your Imogene crossing. It's going to be a full day's journey to cross the lake. Wow. Your skiff has 30 HP.
Starting point is 00:13:47 You have one patch kit, which you can deploy, and it will restore 2D6. Okay. Since there are three of you, we're going to split this journey up into three watches, each of them four hours long. So you guys decide two rowers, one person. in keeping watch. Lovely. I would love to start rowing. Yes, and I shall row as well.
Starting point is 00:14:05 Great, I'll watch. Okay. So Wellie takes a seat at the front of the boat, Boggy in the back. Well, you've been out on this lake before because it feeds the Keystone River, but you've probably only been into its shallowest depths, you know, fishing from the stone docks
Starting point is 00:14:21 over at the Order of the Oaken Ore. And Boggy, you've seen the southern side of this place, the reedy, boggy land that leads into the lakes southern region, but now you are out pulling into the deep. And Zudrick, you've never been this far south, but your birds are wheeling overhead, giving you comfort as you watch. And I'm going to need you to roll a D20. Okay, let's see. So, Dric, do you feel okay being this far south? Yeah, it's fine. The north sucks too. I start stabbing indiscriminately into the water. I just assume there's traps everywhere. So four oars rowing and one lance just like patting into the water. See if we'll
Starting point is 00:15:01 find us on lunch. I thought I saw siren. I got a tent. A ten. Okay. It's perfectly normal roll. Your helmet's on backwards. Oh, damn. With your ten, you row smoothly across the water, pulling in long, silky strokes. Your forearms start glistening with effort, but the cool lake breeze feels good against your face. Boggy, welly, you pull faster. Beside the skiff, the water dazzle, with flashes of white in the sun. Look at that. Then pink, green, gold. It's a school of trout,
Starting point is 00:15:32 dozens of them swimming alongside you. Their scales shimmering vibrantly beneath the surface. To runny, get them, get him from something. Keeping pace with your oars as they cut through the water. Every so often, one breaks the surface, flashing brilliantly in the sunlight before disappearing again. Oh, beautiful. I grab it.
Starting point is 00:15:51 Foggy, as you reach your hand in, one leaps far larger than it looked before. It sails over your boat, spraying you with cool lake waters that flies overhead. And actually, Wellie and Boggy, both of you recognize this fish being from this area. It is a prismatic trout, a rare delicacy. Eating one of these will give you the benefits of a hero's feast. Whoa. Grab it, grab it.
Starting point is 00:16:13 I try to grab one. I just... Snash his spear one. I try to use my paddle like a baseball bat to smack it into Zudy's lance. Amazing. All right, so you guys react instantly. Smashing it with the paddle, your mouth's agape in surprise as it soars through the air and wham. It lands hard in the middle of the skiff.
Starting point is 00:16:34 The boat rocks violently as the rainbow trout begins thrashing across the floorboards. Everyone roll initiative. Whoa. Oh, man, so bad. Five. 15. 23. Whoa.
Starting point is 00:16:47 Okay, this is one of the good ones. Basically, this giant trout is flopping around in your ship right now. And all it wants to do is get the fuck out. Gotcha. So you were going to try to catch it before it escapes. Okay. Have you ever seen something so beautiful? We must kill it.
Starting point is 00:17:03 Like shooting fish in a small boat. All right, Boggy, you are up first. I look around and I see that Zudrick has this lance that is perfect for stabbing fish. I'm going to use initiative swap to let him take the first stab out of it. Nice. Okay. I'll take a crack. 18 to hit.
Starting point is 00:17:23 Yeah, 18 pierces its fish flesh. Careful, avoid the bladder. Okay, that's eight damage. Eight damage. Okay, this thing looks pretty good. Wait, it's pretty good. Motherfucker. What you mean?
Starting point is 00:17:37 God damn it. All right, I'll launch. We're using giant catfish stats, basically. Action search, man. Action search. I'm going to launch into the air and do one of my, like, pole vaulting things. Zudrick, you can't finish off a fish? Fish is indoors.
Starting point is 00:17:53 His weakness is, they multiply. Absolutely. Holy fuck off. I got a 23 to hit. That one hits. Another 15 damage. Okay, nice. Is it still alive? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:05 Action surge. Drix, you can't finish off a fish? That 20. Oh my God. Just a fish man. It's fucking big. Sings stronger than the goddamn troll. Another 18 damage.
Starting point is 00:18:20 Okay. I attack again. Isudrick. 16. It does it. Okay. Jesus. Trott has murderous and tint in its eyes.
Starting point is 00:18:31 Okay, another 12 damage. Wow, you really almost killed this fish. It has a ton of HP. What? How? Zudrick, do you need some help? No. It's big, it's fat, it's magic.
Starting point is 00:18:45 Zudrick launches like 15 feet into the air, blotting out the sun, your armor glistening over the boat as you come down, stabbing into this fish. this fish almost gutting it, but it's still breathing and looks like it's trying to flop out of the water. That is Wellie's turn. Okay. Sure mode's done, Willie. All right.
Starting point is 00:19:04 23 to hit. That does hit. 17 damage. Wellie, finish this fish. That's hard done. I softened it up. I'm gonna, I think that instead of even attacking it, I kind of just skewer it and I'm like, Suchrick, why was that so hard?
Starting point is 00:19:21 Because it's huge. Okay. This is called. gaslighting and it's actually not okay. Yes, we could use the fish roll to make gas lamp light. Yes, yes. I understand. So with that, Wellie, you stab into this fish, skewering it.
Starting point is 00:19:36 Finfish him. Stupid. Yeah, I make it look really easy. Like, I almost like accidentally finished it. Why did I even use a weapon? Zuchuk just made it look so hard. I'm not helping with fights anymore. I'm just not fighting anymore.
Starting point is 00:19:55 I think your lance is dull. I'm a pacifist now. One hand's still on an oar. Well, he just skewers it with a dagger and places it in the skiff. Yeah. Should I put it with the troll guts? No.
Starting point is 00:20:06 For fuck's sake, no. Oh, but I have a lot of good preservatives keeping the troll guts. I throw the troll guts into the water. Whoa! I attack. I attack. Zuddy, we do not know what that is going to attract.
Starting point is 00:20:19 All right. Yeah, that's actually fair. Do we know anything about this prismatic trout? Like, do they have vengeful mothers or anything? I'm just wondering if we've invited a curse upon us. Or if, like, if they're beloved of Lake Imogene and now the lake itself will attack us. Trouts, I actually, in my research, they don't even usually swim in schools. They're lone hunters.
Starting point is 00:20:39 Really? Okay. So, yeah. If the trout's in the lake, then it's probably swum upstream to spawn. So this was a, it's probably already done its job. It's fertilized eggs and now it is a. on its way to die anyway. That must be why it was so easy to kill.
Starting point is 00:20:54 I had sort of like a post, not leather day. It's so easy. It's just in the post-coital glory. Oh, we don't want its mom to be mad. Oh, it's so easy to kill, but its mom might come get us. Oh, I'm worried about this trout mom. Is anyone else worried about the trout mom? Oh, is this a special freaking trout that everyone gives you shit about?
Starting point is 00:21:14 Oh, we killed the trout. I hope the gods aren't freaking pissed off. Cedric, do you want to dip your head in the water? You're overheated. Maybe it's being this far south The sun is just glinting off of Zedric's armor. It's glowing. Zedric does not speak for one hour.
Starting point is 00:21:31 Do we need to drill some holes in your armor? Zedric does not speak for one hour. The rest of Zudrick's watch passes silent. He's literally stewing in there. Well, he doesn't notice. So you guys have this prismatic trap. This is actually a boon. So Zudric, you get to roll again.
Starting point is 00:21:48 Okay. All right, let's see you here. Eleven. Okay. Prismatic eel. Yeah. The hours pass as you row on. Your eyes trained on the horizon.
Starting point is 00:21:58 The crows circling overhead, swoop down and perch on the gunwale. You glance at them, bobbing gently with a skiff. Then your eyes focus on a point just past them, a sail. It looks like a small cutter off the larboard bow. That's a head to the left, guys. Thank you. I am trying to learn. You actually mispronounce starboard, Jake.
Starting point is 00:22:16 It's starboard, not larboard. You're right. It changes tack to approach you. Lake pirates. You get a better look. The boat is well worn. It's sail patched in half a dozen places. The deck cluttered with ropes, nets, barrels, and crates.
Starting point is 00:22:29 A tall figure with a wiry frame takes off his tricorn hat and gives you a wave. Hey. Well met. Good sir. Hello. I raise a beer to him. He smiles and you hear him whistle for something below deck. A moment later, two more.
Starting point is 00:22:43 I attack him. I launch under his boat. The fucking whistling. We're making friends. What are you? Whistling about? What are you whistling about? Settle, Clanky.
Starting point is 00:22:55 Why would I settle? Maybe he has a doxin. What the hell would I settle? He's not whistling for anything good. We said hi and he whistle. He's probably got a dachshin named algae down there. He raises a finger to signal one second, one second. No, no, not waiting.
Starting point is 00:23:14 You guys are 60 feet apart, so if you want you can do something ranged. Yeah, I throw an axe at him. Okay, roll initiative. Oh boy, I didn't do that. 13. I will have to close the distance. All right. Dirty 20. It's probably his first mate.
Starting point is 00:23:30 He's soon in a freaking whistled. He could be fetching a bottle of port. He probably has a dachshund down there. I don't trust any guy that's just whistling at people from afar, okay? And in Zerjik's defense, I don't trust dachshunds. Really? Too long. Okay.
Starting point is 00:23:46 So as he's holding up his finger, saying, one second and whistling, you... I'm digging through my back. I got a boo. I'm digging through my bag for an axe. Yeah, we had to kill it, Wellie. Two more figures approaches. You're digging through your back for an axe,
Starting point is 00:24:05 and they run up a flag up the haliard. It wraps around the mast. You can't read it. Then it blows free. You see rippling in the sky, a skull with a fish hook through the jaw. These are Lake Pirates. Lake Pirates.
Starting point is 00:24:18 I knew it. How did you know? I knew it. Nailed it. They bring their ship about, and you see the woman who just came up trains a crossbow on you as the wiry man draws two daggers. The third man doesn't draw a weapon. Instead, he rips a strip of canvas from something on the deck. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:24:33 It glints in the sunlight. It's a cannon. Oh! We need to close the distance. And look, they don't have a dachshund. They've got a borsoy. That's even worse. They don't have a prismatic trout, though, and they want that thing.
Starting point is 00:24:44 Boggy, you are up first. Yeah, I'm going to fire arrows at the cannon guy. Okay. It's a dirty 20 and a 15 to hit. Okay, he's taking half cover behind this cannon, but that still is going to hit. Nice. Whoa. I will do a tripping shot on this to see if I can get him to fall in the water.
Starting point is 00:25:00 This is going to be 3D8, 26 damage. Okay. You should riddle this guy with arrows. He falls, trips backwards, and splashes into the lake. He's dead. He had low-h-h-bh-h-b-h-freak. Freaked Lake Pirates. Surrender!
Starting point is 00:25:17 Surrender! I hate Lake pirates. Surrender! Go to the ocean. And that actually is the real pirate with his two daggers. Unfortunately, he also knows how to fire this cannon. So he is going to fire it. You don't have a license for that.
Starting point is 00:25:28 Yeah, stop. He waves his tricorn hat again. Like, it's fine. Don't worry. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure. All right. The good news about this canon is that it fires with disadvantage.
Starting point is 00:25:39 It's a bad cannon. I homebrewed a bad cannon that fires with disadvantage but does a lot of damage. If we were within 30 feet, I could use my cloud ruin, but we're not. You guys kind of row your ores to close the distance. Oh, yeah. Okay, we do that. We do that. Okay. This cannon is going to hit the boat. The boat's AC is 14. Fucking yikes. I'm going to invoke lodged star ruin and I'm going to redirect it at their own boat.
Starting point is 00:26:06 God damn it. That's so good. I'll say this cannon ripples across the water and clangs into Zudrick's armor and just bounces back. Like a ricochet. It fixed the dint. Yeah. Oh, wow. I've never looked better. And I'll have it do the 10 damage to their boat. I'll assign the same amount of HP.
Starting point is 00:26:26 That is 10 damage to their boat. Their ship is actually looking fucked up now. Yeah. There you go, assholes. That made him upset, and that is Wellie's turn. And Wellie, if you want to, you can use your movement to close some of this distance. Look at how basic their flag is. There's not even a single Chevron on that.
Starting point is 00:26:42 I want to use my movement to close the distance. And then I just want to attack their boat. Oh, wow. Okay. Let's just sink these guys. Put them in the drink. All right, give me an attack to attack their boat. Send them to the ender.
Starting point is 00:26:56 I don't think either's going to hit. I got a 10 and then a 13. Those both missed their boat. So you swing the Sunsword at their boat and it just bounces off the hull. You know what? I'm going to use a heroic point on one of those. Okay. My heroic inspiration.
Starting point is 00:27:15 Okay, that is a 23. 23 does hit. That is 15. damage. Okay. And then I'm going to action surge. Wow. Two-twenties. Yeah, those both hit. You're going after their boat? Yeah, after the boat. 27 more damage. Okay, wellie. Like Lord Admiral Nelson,
Starting point is 00:27:33 leaping between ships, you jump onto their dock and stab your sword into the floorboards, water starts spraying up. The ship is going down. You have sunk their ship. Save the Bozoi. Wow, probably a pretty good time to surrender, huh? This is, now they have no choice but to try to board you guys. Their ship is going down. And as you're standing on their deck, you can see that it's like littered with pirate booty. Oh, I grab. I grab the booty.
Starting point is 00:28:02 I grab it. I grab whatever I can. I make like a boggy and loot. Sick. Okay. Wellie, you see gemstones, art objects, and random magic items. I'll let you grab one of each. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:28:17 Art objects. Don't go for the art. Come on. I don't need the gems. I'll go two art objects. Okay. Yeah, we can negotiate. And a magic item.
Starting point is 00:28:24 You want a two art objects? Great. So roll me two D-10s for the art objects. Six and a seven. Soudric does the six-seven dance. Okay. Sudrick does the six-seven dance. What are you doing?
Starting point is 00:28:37 I don't know. You pick up some silk vestments with gold embroidery. Oh, no. And amazing, amazing for you, a well-made tapestry that is 10 feet by 10 feet. What the hell is a vestment? He could just like pants. It's like priests wear vestments.
Starting point is 00:28:58 And you're grabbing a random magic item as well, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm ignoring the gems. Give me a D-100. 31. And Wellie, you pick up a random magic item as well. They're heavy on the deck. A copper horseshoe.
Starting point is 00:29:13 As you pick it up, you feel it pulsing with some kind of magic power. These are horseshoes of speed. We're supposed to treat horses better. Yeah, wow. One of our tenants, honored by the gods themselves. Okay, I'll say these are four horseshoes like bound with twine, and they are magic horseshoes. You can touch one of the horseshoes to the hoof of a horse or a similar creature,
Starting point is 00:29:34 whereupon the horseshoe affixes itself to the hoof. While all four horseshoes are attached to the same creature, its speed is increased by 30 feet. So you can make a really fast horse. Whoa. Or a fast crow. You can. No, but they don't.
Starting point is 00:29:47 Super horse-related. They don't have four, like the requirement is four. They're just not horses. I don't think it needs that much of an explanation. Okay, this is incredible. Where are there on the feet? Where did they go? All right.
Starting point is 00:29:59 Okay, so Wellie lutes the sinking pirate ship. There were also a bunch of gems on there, but I knew we didn't need them. Oh. Fuggy grits the boat so hard. The water pooling around your ankles as it's going down. Great news, though. I got the silk vestments. Buggy grits his teeth and says,
Starting point is 00:30:15 Lovely pantaloos, Wally. That is the lady pirates turn, and she's got a scimitar. She's going to brandish it and yell, y'ar! Oh my gosh, she got a Nat 20. Whoa! Well, you're on her boat, so she is stabbing into you. I try to shield myself with my well-made tapestry. Don't worry, she only did five damage.
Starting point is 00:30:35 She stabs into the tapestry and nicks your skin behind it. No. The tapestry. It hasn't even gotten moldy yet. And that is Zudrick's turn. So Zudrick, you have a healthy-looking pirate, one dead pirate sinking to the bottom of the lake, a sinking boat, and this other healthy, lesser pirate that just stabbed Wally. I freaking launch over to the one that just stabbed Welly and say, you ruined our new tapestry. And I do launch.
Starting point is 00:31:03 That's 21 to hit. Does hit. 19 damage. Zudrick, finish this other pirate. I think I just like flatten her like a pancake. Like I think just as I launch over, I swing down with the broad side of my sword. I think it's technically a lance, but really I imagine it's a giant like dark souls. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:22 Slash Final Fantasy Buster Sword. And I just slam down her spine compresses and breaks brutally. Lake pirates. You break her skull. After being so upset that you couldn't kill a fish, you decimate a pirate in one blow. And then I will run over to this other guy. I guess I'll just probably try to kill. I was gonna just throw him in the water, but then he might swim to our boat.
Starting point is 00:31:47 We don't want that. These guys love to swim. And then I guess I won't launch on this one. I think I can only do it once per turn anyway. Ooh, that's just a 13 to hit. 13 just misses. Oh, fuck. He wriggled like a trout.
Starting point is 00:32:00 He dances away. Don't dance away. The light on his feet. None of this had to happen. He buccaneers across the deck. Oh, look at that jig. Leaping gallantly. You could have saved that for the jug band.
Starting point is 00:32:11 You chose a poor life. You have a bad boat. It's sinking. Your friends are dead. Your cannon sucks. Yard, it's only sinking because she stabbed the deck. Yeah. It was a good boat.
Starting point is 00:32:23 I killed your boat. If you can't swab it, you got to stop it. Boggy, that's your turn. Very good. So there's just this one pirate remaining? There's just one pirate remaining. He does have all of his health. He will get arrows.
Starting point is 00:32:34 Sick. Two shots. Okay, that is it 24 and 23. Those both hit. 18 damage. Ooh. Okay. Nice.
Starting point is 00:32:42 He is much hardier, but that hurt him a lot. And would you allow me as a bonus action to snag some more treasure? Yeah, I'll let you go for one of these gemstones, which, well, he ignored. Give me a D12. D12. I'm going for the art objects. Syke, could you imagine? Priceless art sinks to the bottom of the lake.
Starting point is 00:33:02 That'd be incredible. I think there's a decorative vase. Hey, guys, since this guy's hearty and I'm just pissed off with this whole deal, Let's just shove this guy overboard and use your movement to like take our boat away and I have 30 feet to launch. So when he gets to my turn, I'll just pull bolt away from the sky.
Starting point is 00:33:22 Okay. All right. I got a nine. With a nine, you plunge your hand into the swirling lake looking at all of the glittering gems below and you pull out a piece of quartz. It's white, smoky, kind of a yellowy gray color. Oh, we can shave this down to make a new tooth.
Starting point is 00:33:37 Perfect. It is a pretty good gem. It's worth figure. 50 gold. All right. This episode of NADPOD is brought to you by Mint Mobile. When we were kids, summer meant freedom. The freedom to hang out at camp instead of school, which was still kind of like school, except sometimes they let you run through a sprinkler. As adults, summer still means freedom thanks to Mint Mobile summer sale. Mint Mobile took what's wrong with wireless and made it right with premium wireless for 15 bucks a month. All plans come with high speed data and unlimited
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Starting point is 00:34:45 capable device required, availability, speed, and coverage varies. See mintmobile.com. Hey there, NADPOLs. This episode is brought to you by RACON. It is October, which means it's officially RACON month. That's right. They get their own month. You heard it here first. Raycon's everyday earbuds classic is packed with upgrades. They've got active noise cancellation, multipoint connectivity,
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Starting point is 00:35:44 That is by Raycon.com slash pawpaw to get 20% off. Thank you, Raycon. And as you do that, the pirate looks at you bending over and he has his two daggers and he's going to make his attacks on you. Oh, what? He can make two attacks, but I'm going to have him just make one. He did roll a Nat one. So he tries to stab you, misses, but then he is going to do his.
Starting point is 00:36:10 enthralling panache. So he dances across the deck. We have to leave this guy to drown. And Boggy, I need you to give me a wisdom saving throw. Okay. To see if I dance with him. To see if you are charm. Add one to it because while I breathe, my allies have plus one on saving
Starting point is 00:36:26 throws. Very well. Great use of the opal sunsword. Yeah, I see the sword glinting and the sunlight and I think that would make a good tooth too. Fourteen. With a 14, you pass. You are not charmed by his. enthralling panache.
Starting point is 00:36:43 He tries to stab at you, misses, and then he like tiptoe dances on the gunwell and slips, scraping his shin against the wood. Panash. Yarr! Fuck! More like Panah. Wellie, that's your turn. Zudrick talked about us just driving away from him.
Starting point is 00:37:00 Throw him in the drink and let's get going. Well, I was thinking, too, he's on a sinking ship right now. Oh, yeah. What I want to do, and I actually don't know mechanically how this would work, I want to take my silk vestments with gold embroidery and tie him to his own mask. Whoa. Of his own sinking ship. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:16 Captain goes down with the ship. Captain goes down with a ship. That's right. Okay. So mechanically, how would you want that to play out? I guess it would be an opposed athletic check to grapple him and then restrain him, right? So I will bonus action use another might of the god. Okay.
Starting point is 00:37:35 Now 20 again. Oh, my God. Yeah. I don't think he can beat it because he adds zero to strength. He's way more charismatic with his swashbuckling style. Beware his finosh. So he prances across the deck, slips, and lands in your arms, Wellie. And you're able to use your silk vestments with gold embroidery.
Starting point is 00:37:56 Yeah, you can use your silk vestments and you tie him onto his own mast. All right, let's get out of here. I was proven wrong. There was a use for those vestments. All right, so well, you do that and you push off. off your ship gliding away as his continues to go down. I'll let him do a strength check to try to untie himself. That's an eight.
Starting point is 00:38:16 And you just hear, as his ship sinks to the bottom of imaging. As Zedric launches onto the boat and catches up, he just watches the other boat sink. And he's steaming. He's so pissed. Like, freaking lake pirates. Have you encountered a lake pirate before? It just pisses me off because there's just not enough room for pirates. The amount of angry you are implies history.
Starting point is 00:38:45 No. It's just I'm pissed off at the idea of them. Yes, the lake should be for pleasure craft. Also, there's freaking monsters around. Like, you're going to, like, start killing people when there's already freaking monsters. I'll tell you who the real monsters are. Who? Lake pirates.
Starting point is 00:38:58 Well put. Well put. All right. Whose freaking turn is it to watch? Yes, Zudderick. Your watch has ended. You clunk towards the front of the... strip and now you guys can shift watches. We'll have the second watch. Okay, I'm done. My watch was
Starting point is 00:39:14 awesome. We found a huge awesome fish. Let's see if anyone else does half is freaking good. I'll do a watch. Go ahead. Very good. Well spotted. Okay. We are quite literally in the same boat. We're not against each other, Sutra. All right. And yet we, for some reason, there's a reason for us to make fun of how other people kill fish. I wasn't making fun. I was genuinely concerned. Oh, you were generally concerned. I'm so glad for your concern, Willie. I'm just concerned about you looking out for the boat and making sure that you have as good of a time seeing cool trout and directing us towards them.
Starting point is 00:39:48 Sudrick? Yeah? You're one of my best friends. Stop. So if I did anything to offend you, I'm really sorry. You didn't offend me. No, I'm sorry. I'm only mad at Bogi.
Starting point is 00:40:06 Zuddy. I speak to you in the language of the bog. There are many a raspberry bush there. Yeah. And we would pelt each other with a raspberry bush, and it was called razzing. Oh, geez. Okay. I can't stay mad at you guys.
Starting point is 00:40:19 All my other friends trying to kill me, so some light razzing actually isn't that bad. Zedrick's in the best mood he's ever been in. And sits down happily at the order. All right, gang, let's go. Let's have a good one. Zedric clangs forward, the boat shifting and settling deeper into the lake as you move to the front and well, you stand in the middle. Now it is your watch. Roll A. D20.
Starting point is 00:40:42 Seven. Seven. If anyone's singing, even if it's a lady, you have to just keep telling us to go. We don't go towards her, okay? Listen, it's fine. We can plug our ears with this wax. Boggy pulls a just mysterious ball of wax from his cloak. Huh. Is that ear wax?
Starting point is 00:41:02 Someone's ear. Oh. I think maybe some of it's from the trolls. I'm not sure. Oh, okay. Whenever I find wax, I just add it to the ball. That's expensive then. So you guys continue rowing.
Starting point is 00:41:15 Wellie's watch has begun, and Zudrick, you take a seat in the front of the boat, looking out across Imogene as well. And as you guys pull, you notice a pale mist begin to gather across the surface of Imogene. At first, it hangs low over the water, curling around the oars with every stroke. Then it begins to rise. It's a freaking ghost. It's a freaking ghost. It's the ghost squid.
Starting point is 00:41:38 Whoa. The shore behind you disappears, and then so does the horizon. Then, slowly, even the water around you seems to vanish. Steady on, friends. Within minutes, you're rowing through a wall of white. You can barely see each other, let alone over the bow of the skiff. Okay, I think I let us astray, which makes sense because I have a broken compass. But I guess if anyone has any magical way to detect, do you see your crows above us?
Starting point is 00:42:07 No, I hear them vaguely. Okay, I guess just everyone, be ready to attack anything that comes out. I'm going to use my rod of alertness to extend 30 feet of bright light around us, and if that'll do anything. I think the bright light won't break through this fog. It's so fog. It's so freaking bright now. All I see is just light. It shows reflecting on the fog.
Starting point is 00:42:32 Do we have any way to make fire because maybe the fire would be? burn off the mist. Yeah, I assume we just have like fire. Should we light a fire in the boat? Yeah. I don't know a lot about boats. Is that fine to do? We have, we have torches. Yeah, it's a torch. We'll light a torch just to see if it burns off. I think this is a natural fog. This is something, something's freaking here to get us. I start stabbing at the fog. Hey, all right, quit hiding in the fog and get out here. You planted a torch up at the front of your boat. Yeah. It glows dimly in the mist. And Zudrick, you stab into this veil of white. somewhere ahead, you don't hear any growling or snarfing.
Starting point is 00:43:11 You just hear the faint sound of water breaking against stone. This is going to be a three-part skill challenge. Each of you will have one job. The navigator is going to make a survival check to keep the skiff on course through the fog. The lookout is going to make a perception check to spot hazards before you reach them. And the oarsman will make an athletics check to maneuver the skiff through the rocks. Shock on that one. Okay.
Starting point is 00:43:37 I have plus seven to athletics. I have plus one to survival and plus one to perception. I have the exact same stats. Ooh. Yikes. I got plus three to survival. Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 00:43:50 So you'll be our survival. And then, huh. Yeah, I can do the perception. Who gives a shit? I stand in the front and just start swinging wildly. Well, let me just. I should do the athletics because I can use my might of the gods to get advantage. Yeah, do that.
Starting point is 00:44:08 This is actually perfect. So, I've encountered fog like this in the bog before. We had many a misty morning, and you must rely only on the senses you trust. So everyone takes some of this wax and cover your eyes with it. We can't trust our eyes. Only your ears and your nose. Only my muscles. I trust you, Boggy.
Starting point is 00:44:25 I shove the gunk into my eyes. I do as well. And I look out and I make a perception check. So we'll do it in order because the DC for each check is 14, but if the person ahead of you fails, Oh. The check increases to 16. Wow. Okay. Cool. Okay. The Navigator is going to make the lookout have a harder time and the lookout missing something is going to give the oarsman a harder time. All right. So Navigator, you're going to use your senses to try to keep the skiff on course through this fog. Boggy, I'm going to need you to make a survival check. Survival is going to be 22. Whoa. Amazing. Okay. My eyes are so gunked up. So, Bucky, gunk in his eyes. You sniff the fog. You feel the breeze coming. towards your face, getting broken up where the rocks are, and you point for the boat to guide in the direction of the safest passage.
Starting point is 00:45:14 So the next person is going to make a perception check. You got it. That's an 11. All right, with an 11, Boggy pointed you through a narrow passage, but the skiff skitters over some rocks submerged on the way, and it takes 10 damage. Your skiff is down to 20 HP. And now, Wellie, the skiff is endangered,
Starting point is 00:45:36 it's starting to skid over rocks. It's heading towards like bigger boulders in the fog, and you're going to need to make your athletics check to navigate over them with your oars. Easy, Ellie. Don't lift the skiff. So I've used one of my might of the gods, so I roll with advantage. That's a net one.
Starting point is 00:45:53 Whoa! Nice. Okay. Becomes a 27. All right, so with Wellie's might of the gods, the boat is almost starting to run aground on these like submerged boulders, and you just dig the oars in,
Starting point is 00:46:06 and launch it over them into safety. And as you launch your skiff glides smoothly out onto the water, and the fog just as quickly as it rose gives way and the lake clears. Perhaps it was a trick of the mist, but I could have sworn I saw a lady's hand reach up and caress the oar as we pushed. Really? Yes. Imogene, I'm here.
Starting point is 00:46:28 Well, we all did a really good job. Take me. What? Willie, you don't want to get taken by the lake. That's exactly, look, the sirens are going to get you when they show up. That's just classic siren stuff. Both you guys are just, I'm worried about you. I'm not going to lie.
Starting point is 00:46:44 You know what, you're right. Gunk us up. Yeah. Just plug everything. All right. Yeah. I'm going to gunk up your eyes, going to gunk up your ears. See no evil, hear no evil.
Starting point is 00:46:53 Gunk up my nose because I actually, I think I'm really responsive to pheromones. Okay. Smell no evil. I've heard that one too. Check so. Okay. So you guys fully gunk yourselves. This will get you fucked up, by the way.
Starting point is 00:47:05 What? You can't just say that later. We're kind of fucked up. Whoa. Just a light buzz. It's only 20 milligrams. Oh, no. So, Wellie, your watch comes to an end.
Starting point is 00:47:21 You successfully got everybody out of the fog with minimal damage, you know, not too bad. You have your sense is completely gunked. You feel your way back to the front of the boat and take your place again at the oars. and Boggy, now it is your watch. Hmm. Very well. I stride forward to the front of the boat. Boggy stands, look out and roll me a D-20.
Starting point is 00:47:43 Ooh, 17. All right. You row faithfully now for a few hours into your shift. By now the hills of Dunglen are hazy green lines in your wake. Out here in the middle of imaging, the lake has its own quiet music. Water laps and streams from your hull. The orlocks creak with every stroke. Creek splash.
Starting point is 00:48:01 Creek splash. So rhythmic, you could almost lose yourself in it. And then another sound joins in, a faint buzzing. Oh, no, no. It sounds like a mosquito near your ear. A tiny siphon. It's a high friend. Soon it swells into a low drone.
Starting point is 00:48:18 Shit. Far across Imogene, you notice a dark smudge hanging just above the water, squinting, you see it shift and roll, change in shape as it moves steadily toward you. A swarm of bugs, but why are they so big? There are hundreds of them. They draw closer. and you see their long legs, bloated bodies, needle-like mouths. Bloodsuckers, these are sturgers, and the swarm descends toward the skiff.
Starting point is 00:48:42 Everyone roll initiative. Look at all, friends! 12. Dirty 20. The sirens have come! I mean, you had me at long legs, but needle mouth, I'm not so sure about. They're kind of cute. I do think they would have been more attractive.
Starting point is 00:48:56 Yeah, just like, I feel like a siren shouldn't have a needle mouth. Beware that long prong. They know how to use it. 24. This swarm of bloodsuckers, not quite sirens, not quite that hot, are going to descend upon the boat. Boggy your first to act. Okay. Are they like a little harpy-esque?
Starting point is 00:49:14 Do they have like some sexual features? They've got these long, sharp proboscis and bloated bodies, but their legs are really long and smooth. Whoa. That's got to be laser hair removal. How do you get it that smooth? These mosquito women have a beautiful leg. And also to do laser hair removal, that shows a pain tolerance. Oh, into skin.
Starting point is 00:49:42 Beware. Everyone stop looking at their legs. Even Zudrick feels the draw. My God. Hamanah, homina. Boggy, you're up first. I don't want to fight you in that way. I'll cover my eyes with more gunk, so I'll cover my eyes with more gunk, so I
Starting point is 00:50:01 I don't have to bear witness to what I'm doing, and I will fire at the sexy gams. Okay. Fock, shout it to the two crew on the first hit. Okay. They're just too beautiful. You should look. Your arrow flies through the swarm.
Starting point is 00:50:14 A milky leg lifts just in time to avoid being nicked. Remember this is one of our tenants, though, to admire beauty respectfully, and so far we've been nothing but respectful. But it's also to kill jerks, and these people are jerks. Indeed. How do you separate one from the other?
Starting point is 00:50:29 The tenets are getting mixed. So the second one is going to be a 24 to hit. That does hit. And I'll go ahead and make that a tripping attack. And what the fuck? I think I will go ahead and action surge on this. So let me go ahead and hit you with those next attacks. Okay.
Starting point is 00:50:44 14 and a 24. The 24 hits. Okay, great. So that's two hits. 17 damage. And then I'm going to do a tripping shot. One more damage. 18 damage.
Starting point is 00:50:54 And then the surge that I'm aiming at will need to do a strength saving throw of 14. This swarm is immune to being, prone or restrained. What? They're such a knockout, they can't be knocked out. Yeah. They're also immune to piercing damage.
Starting point is 00:51:08 What? They're going to take half. Oh. Yeah. It's a large flying mass that is kind of just like, Oh, my God. Shifting with the wind. I do freaking piercing damage as well.
Starting point is 00:51:19 That is Zudrick. Oh, man. I hate you guys. I'm going to use the gauntlets of the goat to shoot them with that thing. Oh, nice. Okay. Okay. So I slam my hands together.
Starting point is 00:51:32 Trying to like clap one like a mosquito. Yeah. Get out of here. That's 16 to hit. Does hit. 10 damage, force damage. Okay. Not halved. Oh, God damn it. Yeah, cool. And then I'll whip out a freaking hand axe and just chuck a hand axe at them.
Starting point is 00:51:49 24 to hit. Does hit. Nine damage. Okay. So Zudrick puts on his gauntlets of the goat. You clap at one almost like you're smacking a mosquito. You hit a bunch of these legs right on the ass for 10 damage, and then you chuck an axe into the mass of them, and you do another nine, which is going to be halved.
Starting point is 00:52:08 That is the Sturge's turn. They're going to go ahead and go at Zudrick. Zudrick, you feel a bunch of them land on you, and you feel like they're needle-like mouths trying to pierce the gaps in your armor. Ew. Just focus on the legs, Zuddy. It's a 19 to hit.
Starting point is 00:52:25 It's 17 damage. Wow. Ow. And you slap at them and a bunch of them fly away, but you notice a few of them are latched into your skin. Yikes. Easy? Oh, shit.
Starting point is 00:52:39 Just kill me. They laid eggs in me. Just fucking kill me. Wait, that means that you got to hook up with them. What? I don't care. Yeah. At the end of their needles, there are bright red lips.
Starting point is 00:52:51 And they are sucking on Zudrick. Wellie, that's your turn. Since one of our tenets is to admire beauty respectfully, I have penned a short poem about it. What? So I raise my weapon, which is undoubtedly only going to do half damage, and I say, Do mine eyes behold such thighs? The gods, alas, sculpted these calves.
Starting point is 00:53:16 Beguiling bugs, I think I'm in love. Beset by urges because of these sturges. I can think of no better time for this rhyme. They're laying eggs in my. Frederick, you feel your life force being drained from your body. He just really says this foam. And then I will swing on these beautiful bugs. Siren Sturges.
Starting point is 00:53:36 That is a 24 and a 23. Both hit the swarm. I am also going to invoke Hill Rune to do fire damage. Smart. Okay, that is 34 slashing damage and then six fire damage. They're looking very fucked up now. They're flying about buzzing. sexily, and that is back around to Boggy.
Starting point is 00:54:01 Okay. I look at my bow, and I see that the arrows are proving ineffective, so I pull out my wraps. Oh. And I wrap up my own. Those are going to be bludgeoning damage, too. I told you don't have to waste your turn with these. You're not a fucking bruiser.
Starting point is 00:54:16 Please. No, no, no, no. I can use them as force damage. Okay. Okay. All right. All right. I pull on my wraps.
Starting point is 00:54:23 So dangerous. And I'm just going to grab, um, out of the sky and attempt to drown it. Okay. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to use Lucky to try and get advantage on this attack. Okay. That's going to be a 15 to hit.
Starting point is 00:54:35 Does hit. All right, great. And I'm going to use a trip attack to add a D8 of damage. So that is three damage for the force damage. And then an additional D8 of trip attack damage. Okay, so that is going to be 10 damage total. Amazing. So these silvery wraps like gleam in the misty sunlight.
Starting point is 00:54:53 As I just like strangle this mosquito and shove it underwater. All right, Boggy, you toss down your bow and you reach up into the remaining storm and you grab a couple of these bloodsuckers and like smash them against the gunwale of the boat and hold them underwater. They're on death's door. You get one more attack. Here we go. Hell yeah, that's a 24 to hit. Does hit. Okay, I'll expend one more superiority dice. That is going to be nine more damage. Boggy, finish these hot mosquitoes. I take one last look at their long silky legs as I just grabbed. When bats its eyelashes at you. Buzz, buzz, buzz.
Starting point is 00:55:30 Be gone, siren. We shall meet again. In the indoors keep. And I push them underwater and drown all the mosquitoes. Boggy, you finished the last of the swarm, but not these few sturges that are necking with Zudrick right now. Zudrick, we said respectfully. Am I our beauty respectfully. I don't even, these are so mosquito forward.
Starting point is 00:55:51 They're not as much of a thing for me as they are for everyone else. You lie. You flip. Plop, you like the legs. I said they had nice gams. I said they had nice gams. Zudrick, it is your turn. What the hell?
Starting point is 00:56:04 How do I get these off me? This is your turn. You can get these off of you with a successful athletics check, and if you can remove them, you can kill the remaining Sturges. Okay, okay, yeah. It is a DC-14.
Starting point is 00:56:16 Yeah, I just know this isn't gonna go well. Oh, okay, 17. Nice. Yeah. Okay, with the 17, you yank these bugs were latched on to you out of your armor off your skin, and you can use your attack to finish them off. Great.
Starting point is 00:56:32 I tie a rope to myself and I say, save me, and I just jump into the water and drown them. It's just like so many floating legs, just like bobbing in the water now. Zedric sinks down like a weight. And you see my bubble stop so fast. Zudra cannot hold his breath for a long time. I think Wellie, even though we didn't boat that much at the Okinawer,
Starting point is 00:56:54 we did a lot of breath training. So I'm like, oh, give him another 60 seconds. Sure, yes. Yeah, yeah. I'm sure if he's anything like me can last a while. Boggy and his buds would play the knockout game a lot, so they were used to holding me. He's just having fun down there. You see Zudrick in the wake like he's wakeboarding behind the boat.
Starting point is 00:57:14 He's putting on a good show. If I were a hot bug, I'd fall for it. Zudrick is passed out. Give me a death save? He looks so... He's swallowing water. He looks so... That's boring.
Starting point is 00:57:26 All right, that's one fail. Roll them in, let's walk roll on him. Okay, okay. All right, you guys bring Zudrick in, you do chest compressions mouth to mouth. He throws up lake water. That is all three watches ended, and I will give one final roll here. There it is. That is a 19.
Starting point is 00:57:45 Okay. Not that it matters. Yeah, I know. It's a good note. It's just random. You rode purposefully across the deep water of imaging. The catch and drive of your oars swirling with bird song, splash, wish, click, splash, wish, click. A breeze whistles over the cool water,
Starting point is 00:58:02 and it carries something with it. A faint tune. Boggy, your heart jumps into your throat. You recognize it immediately from a time far away, but not so long ago. Flute Boy used to play it, back when your buds were all together, all living. It's one of his jigs. This must be the work of the sirens still. You used to sing it. Pass the broken. in windmill down the winding stream. That's where you'll find Boggy and his jolly team. You strain your ears trying to hold on to the melody, trying to hold on to the memory.
Starting point is 00:58:36 But the harder you listen, the fainter it becomes, until you're not sure that you ever heard it at all. Did you hear that? Did we hear it? Yeah, you guys heard it too. I did. I heard a random-ass song. Yeah, something about, oh, but it had your name in it.
Starting point is 00:58:51 That was no random ditty, friend. That was one of flute boys' ballads. He would sing it round the campfire after a successful raid or even a non-successful one. And how did flute boy fall? Does that seem like the work of someone who's secretly alive or a ghost? Last I saw him, in truth, he was caged up by Longskiff's men. I claim that he died of old age and the stocks, but I know not the truth of his downfall. Despite his frail frame, his lungs were full.
Starting point is 00:59:23 He could belt notes and play the flutes till the sun rose. So, perhaps by some trick of the gods, his notes are reaching us here. Flood boy. Flood boy. Let's try to find him. Is it you? Is it you? What are the odds?
Starting point is 00:59:42 You salty fuck, get out here. You better not be a mosquito woman. You guys are no longer rowing. You read of a man. Get down here. Mosquito. You pull the oars from the water as the boat drifts noiselessly over the lake. All of you yelling.
Starting point is 00:59:56 flute boy into the wind. And in this moment, there's a creek in the floorboards. The boat settles lower in the water. You can't see anything, but there is a presence here. Someone at your side and another at your back. It's a ghost. Boggy, for just a moment, you have the old feeling that your whole crew is here. Can I turn around to see who's behind me?
Starting point is 01:00:19 You can't see anything, but you can tell me what you feel. Hmm. In this moment, as we're on this river, surrounded by mist. I think that Boggy thinks back to mornings at the bog when the fog
Starting point is 01:00:35 would hang heavy and you would have to swim through it as you arose for the day. We would all sleep in late but our flute boy being so aged and decrepit would rise first. His notes would be
Starting point is 01:00:50 gentle at first, subtle. A tap of the drum. a toot of the flute, but it would build over time, until it was a full cacophony. The man had instruments stored in places you could not imagine. He clanged and jangled, like the finest fools in the highest lord's keeps. And by the time the final note issued from his trumpet, we would all be gathered around the fire, and there would be thick tea brewed and bacon sizzling. Those were how we started the days in the bog.
Starting point is 01:01:26 Wow, you all owe Flute Boy so much. He was your alarm clock and your cook? Well, we all shared in the cooking, but, um... Oh, so Flute Boy's just annoying. Actually, it was young grandpa Crunchum who handled most of the cooking. He was a chef's apprentice before his master was executed for suspicion of poisoning the Lord that he worked for. And then Crunchums was turned out and we adopted him as our own. So while he prepared the bacon and the fats and the grease,
Starting point is 01:01:56 and the salts, flute boy would play a rousing tune. He was the tempo of our troop, the marching spirit that kept us going. Well, unfortunately, his spirit has been corrupted. I say as I stab my sword. Right, right behind. I think he's a friendly ghost.
Starting point is 01:02:16 If he's a friendly ghost, he would have said, hey. We've all seen Casper. Bogi, these happy memories fill your heart and warm your soul. You remember Flute Boy, like a one-man jug band and Zudrick, you stab into the emptiness, mistrusting of any ghosts out here on the lake.
Starting point is 01:02:34 But then in an instant, they're gone. The skiff rises and something bumps softly against the hull. I think Boggy looks out into the waters of Imogene with a knowing glance and tips his hat at Flute Boy. As you look out over the water, tipping your hat to Flute Boy, well, you look at this noise coming from the other side of the skiff,
Starting point is 01:02:55 Floating beside you covered in green moss is an old drinking horn. An old drinking horn? I suppose I'll fish it out. We just ran into it. It's true. Best brew comes from horns. You pick it up, holding it, you feel its power. And Boggy, you take a look.
Starting point is 01:03:15 This is the bog bug bugle. A gift from your friends beyond the grave. You don't know which bud survived and which ones died, but once on this journey you'll be able to blow this bugle and find out. Whoa. I think Boggy
Starting point is 01:03:31 holds this drops of tears fall onto the horn and roll off the side and into the water and then he says let's find more fish right?
Starting point is 01:03:44 Yes, more fish? Yeah, all right. Let's try again for another trout. Stock up, stock up for the journey? Make sure you don't blow it right now. I am solely. tempted, but I sense that this horn must be saved for a moment of true need. I think, though, that you could walk away from this experience thinking,
Starting point is 01:04:04 oh, I'm forgiven for running away, because your friends from beyond the grave are giving you a gift. Hmm. They were giving sorts. They all came from foul lots in life and were willing to overlook the darker parts of someone's personality. In the darkness and muck of the bog they all shined, and that is why I'll do my best to honor them despite the dishonor I have shown. At last, the water beneath you begins to lighten. The deep blue of Imogene gives way to clear, pale, green shallows, sunlight reaching all the way to the sandy bottom. Reeds rise from the lakebed and continue into wet country stretching toward the horizon. You step out into ankle-deep water and haul the boat through the rush. Beyond the shore, the ground rises, just enough to become solid under your boots.
Starting point is 01:04:57 Ahead, the bog lands stretch south toward Goodport. Boggy, it has been a while since you stood here, but you know the way. Past the broken windmill and down the winding stream. That is where you'll find what remains of your team. And that's where we'll end our session. It's all coming back. Oh, my goodness. I think I've still got some gunk in my eye.
Starting point is 01:05:23 Skeletons in the bog. Oh, man, sweet. We'll chat about this more over on our Patreon. Patreon.com slash Nadpod. That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D don't sing yet. I see it. Stop. In the meantime, does anyone have anything they like to plug?
Starting point is 01:05:38 I'll plug Fantastic Castle, as usual, as the All Ages D&D show. I've been doing my Disney Animator Buds. We're having a lot of fun doing it. We actually had a riverboat episode recently on that show, too. So if you're not getting enough boat action from Jake's campaign, you can double up your boat action with Fantastic Coucho. That's the promise. Hell yeah.
Starting point is 01:05:55 Right on. And you can follow us on social media that we're mirror man I use. At CSR's me at Coldice-Coldwell at extras Emily and at Jakeer, which is Jake. And you can talk about the show online using hashtag Nadpod. That's any D-D-P-O-D.
Starting point is 01:06:05 We are, we are, we are, the youth of the nation. We are, we are, the youth of the nation. Hey, would you look at that? It's time to thank our benevolent council of elders. They are. Brad D. Jeffrey S. Lord of the Fjord. Later, Nick Skater, Kutter W. Daniel G. Danielle the Dastardly Dame. Carpe Liam. Victor T. Balnor's boy. Hoyd's friend. His fortune. Justin I. Danny Danster. T.J.M. Hey Lay, the crayfe. De Rohe. Now you have to say it. Jordan L. Cyborg version of Josh the Cobald. Gandarf de Grape. Stevie Wags, Hellish Rebuquer, the NBDM Ph.D.M. Ph.D.M.H. Jack L. Nicholas C. Star of every film ever made in Bohumian.
Starting point is 01:06:55 Alka Smelzer Plus, Tyler F, Lori A. Hercule Poirot, the rabbit folk detective, Jake's jerk jelly, hashtag CCC, Cass, skateboard, Cass, Stephen C, suggest the thing on forable board. Rink A, Nico, the underpaid English teacher, William W, Big Bad Beardo, the Mad, Nova, Percival, Fredericksstein, von Mussel, Klauski, DiRolo, the third, Jay Dragonborn, Guardian of the Vibe, honoring the cock, Ben A, Dave H, Dustin S. Not that Nick. Danny F. Hawkeye Pierce, Big Bad John. DPC is awesome. Sean, the shade tree mechanic of Zelbaldar, Summer RG. Misa of House and Zunza. Ariel, the occasional mermaid, Selena N, aka Valaci Raptor. Be Perky always. Pat L. Lauren H. Ryan S. Paroki Frenzy. Jack M. Biocort 7. Bean Rat was innocent. Trub Hop dropper. Jack H. King of the Mole People under Iron dressed in blue and fighting his way through a bracket-style tournament.
Starting point is 01:07:59 Valen, Paj, the dumb bunny artificer? Carlin, C, J.P. Omri, M. Noah, the Sunday Scooper subscriber, all hail Krangar, James G. Ixie, Archfay of Dreams, back aboard the Stormborn. Everything Bego, the Eladron who just wants to hang out with his pet badger stripy. Han, Marcos, Ph.D., eventually. Frida M. Maggie. Russell H. Horny Advocate for W.
Starting point is 01:08:25 Wellie's carnal audiobook, Lorelei and Kira, the newlyweds. Ellen S., James F. Wayfarer, page 69, kept the trolls, who then unionized and turned the flower shop into a co-op. Went to Bechella, it was awesome. Oreo, city name. Barpo, Good Barbar, Barron, Renee, the Monster Captain, Olivia and Jared have two levels of exhaustion. Blue A. Fico, J. Kegard, Pippa.
Starting point is 01:08:51 Fairies dance for the kill screens to light vodka crans and cigar. glowing bright. Lexi H. M.J. the BFG. Roger L. Just a lake troll napping in a longboat. Nick J. Elijah Won't. Meridwin Morning Mole in Abney Park Cemetery, London. Guestos. Pipp. Shenanigans O'Connor, Joshua S. Alexander. Lins W. Sky, the eldest coffee master of Bohumia. Johnny Dude K. The Mischief of Nod's Familiers. Pavu Eskinaur, the Glyath Paladin providing service with a smile. Tim M. Richard. Scrungle, the main event. TR. MLG. Cheeto. Shelby, Kenna's favorite Sprite girl is Wellie's number one Felly. Tired Jet, Santa Grinch, Hugging Humbaba, and two fairies. Eleanor V. Nemaw Sky Days, Megan N. Emily's Autumn Apple, hashtag Not Fuji, Balnor's best friend Steve, Stephanie of House and Zunza,
Starting point is 01:09:48 Benjamin A. Dodeca DM. SSS to your Crickwater Enjoyer. Josh H. Ethan the Mailman. Garden Steel. Maple the shy bookworm. Nick A.J. Ashasaurus. Rory Noah Zoro, Bohumia's greatest swordsman. Tori the tungsten Dragoose. Dr. Doggous. Dr. Dr. Dogbed. Carl B. Plummer of the Realm. Bravo the Bard. A. Strag's High Lord of Critsberg. Joan and Sarah are Whaleyham fans. Vind diagram. D.M. Charby. Catamilius, the consumed. Cam, the spooky frog man, William Schitt's cousin. Jake W. High Mom. Tuesday Cross, only here for the surf and mirth. We love you rat. Jesus. Smoors. Tyler McEm. M., altruistic fish. Zibi debackery. G.G. says. Falistine, hurrah. Oh, and snake release. Kaylee of the Okin, or Harry Blackstone, Copperfield, Dresden. Janice C. Alice, the future Mrs. Boggy. Watch it whenona. Carly C. Rachel. dies and animorphs, Yeti Penguin. Casey is a snapfire. Greg W. Crangar provides, so says Krangar. Baruch Thunderhelm, Fifth Generation Minotaur, working as an abandoned labyrinth tour guide.
Starting point is 01:11:02 Mr. Mate of Cappy B., the schooner, Lewis R. French. Richard E., Jen's left glove Taylor, your four-legged Greg companion, Nick, Mo, Stokefrescoldova, and about to run Strad. The Raging Ranger Echo Ashmore. Laura Laura, Chef Julie B, Andrew Kay, Sam S, Mama Mayhem, Salsoa, Salnu, 404, Errorich, Almost Dr. Katz, Hirsch, Lorelei, Oscar, The Saladzar, Little Dark Lotus Creations, Kendra M, James the Polymorphed Boot, Joshua H, Jacob M, Lou H, Ben V, Prince Slagathor, the Third, Eladar, the Eldest Elder in Elder Morn, Toxic Ghost, Daniel McA, Chris, Angie H. Possessed Serial. Shysine 23. I'm just Sam. Anthony H. LN.C.
Starting point is 01:11:56 Anthony J. proprietor of the Cricks Lazy River Floating Tour? K.HB. Lara, the big-titted worm. Ernie, a classic nice and gentle saucophone cowboy. Marine Emporium. Pam, the crazy cat lawyer.
Starting point is 01:12:10 Raven 621. Kellen in Progress. Sloth of deception. And of course, Soul Cat. Thank you, everybody. That was a hate gum podcast.

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