Not Another D&D Podcast - Skaldova Season 2 - Ep. 4: The Bog

Episode Date: October 15, 2026

Welly's Fellies arrive at the moor. Boggy goes hunting, Zudrick gets heated, and Welly makes a shocking discovery.Sound Mixing and Editing by Brian Murphy and Faris MonshiMusic / Sound Effects Include:"Blackthorn Hall" by Emily Axford"The Blade and the Smith" by Emily Axford"Cured by the Light" by Emily Axford"The Baroness" by Emily Axford"Snake Fight" by Emily Axford"Growing Pains" by Emily Axford"Hexblood Centurion" by Emily Axford"Ender's Waltz" by Emily AxfordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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This is a headgum podcast. Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Welcome back to Skaldova, everybody. Scaldova! Gorgeous. I am your dungeon master, Jake Hurwitz, here with Brian Murphy. Bad bout with the trout, Zudrick of the murder.

Indeed. Emily Axford. On my way to a bog to hopefully meet God. It's Willie Handham. Did you say Gog? God. Praise God. But I will call them whatever name they want.

Maybe we've invented. did Ender Hill and Lodestar. Perhaps, but Gog is real. Gog is good. Gog is good. And of course we've got Caldwell Tanner. Oh, found my dead friend's horn. Now I'm feeling forlorn.

But it's Boggy Roger. Let's eat some chowdered corn. Chowdered. Yes, I always keep a fresh powdered chowder in my pocket in my tincter pouch. You really could make a chowder powder, couldn't you? Indeed. Like coconut milk powder? Yeah, you really could.

I go to and I have. It sounds delicious, but before you guys dig in, how about a little recap? Let's do it. Last time, hour three, offbeat Oarsman, left the comforts of their new keep and rode out across Lake Imaging. What initially looked like a beautiful day out on the water quickly became anything but. You were attacks by long-legged sturges. Call them what they were hot.

Hot sturges. That's right. Hot sturges, harried by buccaneering Lake Pirates. And, of course, one of you was nearly bested by a day. trout. I don't know who that was. Would have been any of us. At the far end of the lake, you heard a tune floating across the surface, and Boggy felt the presence of his lost buds. Picking up a mossy horn to call them from beyond the grave, you pulled the boat onto shore and turned to face your next quest.

Long as Tom still has a week to live in Goodport, which means you have a few days to find that missing ore. And that is where we are now. Aha. So, here you are on the southern shore of Imogene. To the east lies the Keystone River and the fast track to Goodport. But you weren't looking for the easy route. Somewhere in the muck lies a long-lost relic, the second ore. The old stories say the three gods of Skoldova rode in on a flow tide emerging from the eastern mist.

Their arrival marked an era of prosperity and wonder. But all that went to shit and all that's left of the gods are ruins, stories, and those oars. One of them has been protected by the order of the oaken ore for generations. The other has been missing since the age of stories ended. Missing that is until someone left you a clue. Wellie, by this point you've memorized your eighth great aunt's letter to Princess Lenark. Of course. The rogue god cannot follow you, she wrote, not without the second ore.

We have fed it to the mire. You knew right away what she meant, like she was talking to you herself. It's why you're standing here beside your compatriots. Your old order safeguarded its artifact but forgot its purpose. your new order, the order of the compass and crow, has a mission that is real. Wellie, how do you think you're feeling right now? Oh, well, I think I feel worried about Boggy because this has been drudging up a lot for him. And then underneath that worry, there is like a lust for the second or.

But I also do feel a sense of conflict because here I am ostensibly pledged to two different orders, which makes me almost feel like, ah, my faithless fickle heart, rearing its ugly head again, ere since I befouled the Lady Genevier's Lily Hand, I have become infidelity personified. Zuddy, does Wellie look more demurely horny than usual? Yeah, she keeps shivering and whispering to herself. I keep feeling lustful for the second oar and then chastening myself for being untrue to the order of the oaken ore. Ever since your carnal release, it feels like you've been pulled like the river itself in two different directions, upstream and downstream.

And you mutter a prayer to yourself as you look out over the swamp. And Zudrick, beads of sweat are already rolling down your body. This is the furthest south you've ever been, a long way from the faraway fjords in the frozen reaches of Skoldova. It's freaking humid. It's the humidity that gets you. It's like a wet hug, friend. Embrace it. You left the endless wars of the north, but that doesn't mean you'll back down from a fight. The air here is thick and the ground is soft beneath your boots. What do you think is on Zudrick's mind as he stares ahead into the bog?

Oh, man. Zudrick, I think, is feeling a little self-conscious because this kind of like, mismatched group of people came together and they're his kind of first friends and we're coming back into everyone else's territory. So like if any of Boggi's buds are still around it's like, well Zuddy's

buddies like cease. And then we've got freaking Wellie over here who seems all caught up with this ore stuff and I'm just kind of going where my buds are going. So Zudrick's kind of like he's thrown. Yeah. It's like this hulking night

in this armor that doesn't match the environment. Like you're standing in full plate with a huge sword, this mighty fighter that feels awkward. Oh, he's sinking again. He's sinking. That is a soft, my friend. Sudrick, I promise it's going to be a short rest, but tonight we're going to get a clean eight hours.

Oh, thank goodness. I promise. Okay. I look at Boggy. You have to back me up. If I renege on this promise, I'm screwed. I am on such thin ice with my best friend. We will guard him with our lives.

I shall make him a fine bedroll of moss and peat. Okay. The sweetest bog flowers shall guard his slumber. It's just weird because like the ground isn't hard. Yeah, you're right. We're on water. That's right. And this is a strange feeling for you guys.

But to one of you, the feeling of the soft earth underfoot, is familiar. Boggy, this mud was once your stomping grounds. You have bog water in your veins. Indeed. But the fish baron, Billiam Longskiff, took it away. I spit. The last time you were here, you were running from this place, abandoning your buds to their fate, but at the bottom of the dawn hold, you made a promise that you would never run again. And now you're back. What do you think Boggy Roger is thinking as he returns home? Boggy steps likely

on the soft loamy ground and wants nothing more than to strip nude and wallow in it both in the mud and in his feelings for the past but he's made a promise and he's made several oaths

there are new tenets to follow and while some might feel conflicted by piles of tenets surrounding you to Bargy there but another set of clothes another fine cloak to arm yourself against the harsh ways of the world. I'll take any oaths I can. And I have made new friends here,

and I know as I stare into this swamp, that while longest harm breathes, I have a mission to do. And I shall not rest, except to get eight hours of sleep. Three of you standing shoulder to shoulder, look out over the sawgrass as the sun dips low. A stiff breeze whistles through the reeds,

sending the landscape rippling like a turbulent sea. how would you like to proceed into the bog? Oh, are they're like, there's monsters in the bog, right? Oh, no shortage. All right, so I'll go first swinging my sword wildly. And does someone else want to navigate? We have a map with like a secret path on it, right? Yeah, and we have a compass as well.

Okay. The compass is weird, right? It does weird stuff. Yeah, I think it's for the stars, but there's part of me that's like, Maybe the oars were of the stars. So it might be attuned to the oars themselves or to the old magics. Whip out. Okay.

I whip it out. And as we walk, I will explain to you all of the things that can kill you in the bog. So obviously just snakes everywhere. Are any nice? Some of them. Oh, yes, they're singing snakes. They'll serenade. Yes.

They try to lure their prey to sleep with a beautiful song. Oh, those are nasty as hell. Yeah, no. Siren snakes. But it's easy to hear the same. approach, which is good. Yeah. And then there's log snakes.

They look exactly like logs, but with teeth. Zedder gets up off a log so fast. That was a snake all long. It didn't bite you. No, I think it was a log. It's so hard to tell. The log harmlessly slithers away. Whoa, he just didn't want to bite you.

All right? Was that rolling or slithering? I can't tell. I got up real fast and my butt might have pushed it. If the log does a slither, then get ye hither. That's what we say. Right. Okay.

And of course there's reed hogs, which are just hedgehogs covered in reeds. They're harmless but fun. Okay. Yeah, those sound cute. They have rabies. Zudder kicks a reed hog. Oh, that's a death sentence. Wellie, I believe you said you whip it out.

Oh, yeah, I whip out the compass. Right. Okay. So Wellie whips it out. You look at the compass. This compass, as usual, is firmly broken and pointing northwest. What is the direction of... You guys are facing south.

So this is basically pointing back across the lake. Oh, man, we've got to turn around. No, no, no. No, it's broken. It's supposed to navigate the stars. Yes. There's also, like, big chunks of iron just buried all over the bog. So that could be messing with the orientation.

Okay, okay. I think that instead of using my compass, I'm going to whip out my twig and just have it at the ready. Nice. Okay. So, Wellie, you have your twig of mayhem. that kind of activates when it's near magic sources. I will let somebody give me a survival check as you venture into the bog. Something tells me Zudrick's going to be good at that.

Me, I have plus one. What? The birds had to save me. You've been through how many rising and falling empires and you survived them all? Yeah, not by like living in the woods by killing people and taking their stuff. Oh, okay, that's strength, yeah. Yeah. I have plus one.

I have plus three. Okay, I can help Boggy. I'll look at this map and be like, look, there's the freaking road we've got that isn't supposed to be here. That's got to be something, right? Probably Wilma, like, went on the path and then probably walked a little off the path and shoved the freaking ore in the bog. The way I've written it in my head, Wilma was riding a dragon and dropped it into the deepest

part of the mire. Whoa. Well, I'm going to give the help action by using my twig because I have to think that the second or could have residual magic on it. All right. Great. All right. So Bog, you can make your survival check with advantage.

Hell yeah. That's going to be a dirty 20. Ooh. You three, press south into the bog. There is no discernible path here. I'll even say that the old roads that you copied in, they're not roads that lead directly from the lake into the bog. They're almost like in a map when you see like trail markings,

like little like dashed lines. Yeah. So you're going to have to find exactly where these roads start. These old roads were the roads of adventurers. Yes, exactly. So there's no discernible path now, but Boggy Roger seems to skip across the landscape. There you. Boggy, years of swamp living have given you an almost innate sense of where not to step.

Your feet find roots hidden beneath the water. Not bad. Raised patches of moss, stones just firm enough to hold your weight. Wow. You steer the others around pools that only look shallow and patches of green that you know could swallow a boot, a leg, maybe even a whole body. You guys watch as Boggy bounce forward, then suddenly stops dead in his tracks.

Boggy, you go to your knees and look at a moss bed. Hoof prints. You sniff at the air. And with your dirty 20, you know there's a reed hog afoot. Read hug. Careful now. They might seem calm and docile, cute even, but their bite is deadly.

You said rabies before, and it's all I think about now when you talk about. them, which actually I don't have that same experience with bats. Huh. Wow, that's interesting. It's unfair. It's unfair of me. God, I have such a treacherous, perfidious soul.

Okay. All right. So I'll just follow the hoofs and swing my sword wildly, right? Okay. Worked thus far. Well, wait, wait. Following a reed hog, I know that sometimes seeing tracks feels like, but what if we're just following it to a den?

of rabid reed hogs rather than to the second oar. Fair. Why do we need to follow a reed hog? Do readhawks have an affinity? Do they go deep in the muck? Do they see what is in the mire that others don't? They do have a tendency to nestle into the mire and they are naturally buoyant so they can float above it without worry of sinking. And boggy also being from here, you know that reed hogs are simply just delicious. Delicious, but they're rabbit. Listen, listen, hear me out. Bucky is licking his lips.

Akin to the bog deer from season one. The reed hog is a bog delicacy. They have a soft underbelly. Oh, my goodness. Okay. All right. Okay, maybe like with the right medicine check. Yeah, we're kind of rolling the dice on it.

No, no, no, you just give it a thorough roasting and that just zips out the rabies right quick. That makes sense to me. Awesome. Sure. Yeah, the purification of fire. All right. Heck yeah. Let's go kill them.

All right. Bog sausage for dinner. Hey-oh! Pocky leads them forward and sings a song which is very cheerful but also about death. He says, when I am old with beard of gray and it is time to die,

hey, doll, a terry doll, a funeral in the bog. A funeral in the bog. A funeral in the bog. No bones left for the dogs. No bones left for the dogs. And when I rise and see the ender in a seat of bone,

I shall dance all night for I have come alone. Hey, doll, a Terry doll, a funeral in the bog. Hey, doll, a Terry dog, a funeral in the bog. Keep it up, there we go, yes. Yes, a funeral in the bog. That's a banger. That's an absolute banger.

Indeed. I like that there's no cuss words in it. It's good, clean fun. It's just so good. It's so good, clean fun. Let's go have some sausage, gang. Try to. Patrick skips along with that his foot goes deep in the mud.

Oh, fuck. Fuck. I hate this waste. I fucking hate this waste. It's so bad to be in fucking huge armor here. Surrogh! Remember your soul! Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I'm just trying to get along with like the jolly bog stuff, but it's like, it's tough. You see me your tongue is as wicked as my soul.

Oh, yes. Sorry, Zuddy. No, it's okay. Let me reset. We call those a moss mouth when you get your foot stuck in a soft pocket like that. And that's great. We love it. So you guys move forward as singing this jolly soft. song about death in the bog. Boggy, you get the scent of the reed hog in your nose and crouching low. You move through the brush into a small clearing. And there in an ankle-deep pool of water is a large reed hog, a huge hog covered in tall grass lowering its head to drink from the pool.

The reeds catch on their quills. They're a spiny hog, so perfect for camouflage in the bog. Okay, I feel like Do you want to just like unloose some arrows? Yeah, I'm just going to find out of a bunch of arrows. Yeah, shoot it in the head. Wow, it's beautiful. Shoot it in the head. Wow, look at it having such a beautiful private moment.

Let's kill it. This filthy diseased animal lowers its head into a swamp as Boggy readies an arrow. It would shoot us in the head if it could. Boggy, you can give me an attack roll. And I've seen it do it once. I'm going to use a lucky on this one because I need this.

Spoggy needs this. It's better not be a freaking trout situation where I has a million HP. 16? That hits. Woo! Like shooting trout in a barrel, right, Zuddy? Shut up.

I'll make another attack as well. So, Drake, maybe you just didn't have your sea legs yet. I just soften that thing up. That thing was big as hell. Okay? So I think the first arrow hits and then the hog squeals loudly and I get a gnat one on my next attack.

Okay. Whoa, there! It's a lively one. Well, do your damage from your first arrow. That's going to be nine damage. Okay. Bucky, you stealthily creep into this little glade. You knock two arrows.

You go to fire them at the bore. You step your foot forward, and it's been too long since you've been in the bog. Your foot slips just a bit in the mud. One arrow goes rogue straight into the air. The other one plunges into its hide. You stick the reed boar, but that is not quite enough to kill it. It unleashes a monstrous bleat, fear in its eyes, and it starts scrambling around.

Everybody roll initiative. Bucky just turns and says, uh-oh. You don't know what you do now? I got a 10. They have rabies. Okay, so did the boar. 11. That's another Nat one, but luckily I roll initiative with advantage.

That is going to be a 15 for Bagi. All right. This thing looks struck with fear, doesn't know which way to run. It is just going to try to escape, but that is Boggy's turn first. Boggy is trying to save face and says, a little chase. Ah, nothing better. And I will just fire two more arrows. All right.

Fuck. 16 and 13? They both hit. Oh, nice. Okay. Yeah. 19 damage. That's all you needed.

Boggy Roger, welcome back to the bog. I'll finish this reed hog. I fire two arrows, and then as soon as they make purchase, I bound it on all fours over to it. Pull out a thick rag of cheesecloth and wrap it around its tusks so that it can't bore us and give us instant rabies. I wrestle it to the ground, and I pull out Eagrott's wing, the blade I stole from the Baron, and I got its throat,

and then I stand up and say, Sausage! Yes. Not exactly a swift, clean kill, but a kill all yours nonetheless. You save face just enough. You finish this reed hog entirely on your own. Sometimes the reeds play tricks on your eyes,

so it's hard to find the right place to strike. Yeah, of course. I mean, that was still great. I mean, if I were a lesser person, I would, like, talk shit about the fact that it took two turns, but they only do that for some people. Zedric stares off. Zudrick, I mean, this animal is a terrifying creature with rabies versus a rainbow trout.

Okay, it was enormous. I don't know, like, what you saw, but it was enormous. That enormous trout is still in your bag, so Zudrick is just holding a bag with a huge fish in it. Yeah. Oh, yes, there's a bit of a stink coming off of you, Zuddy. And you guys wrap up this bore, and you continue deeper into the bog as the day slips away behind you. The sun hangs low in the sun hangs low in the sun. the sky now, cutting through the trees in long shafts of amber light.

Your boots suck at the mud, branches scrape against your armor. And after a while, even that becomes a rhythm. The squish of muck. The scratch against steel. The whisper of reeds. Sondric is miserable and hot. Do you need an antacid? Yeah.

Citric. Yeah, chew this. What? Bokke just pulls something. Sutterc eats it. What was that? It burned. Boggi looks like deep into your eyes.

says, do you really want to know? No, I guess not. Let's keep going. Continue on. As you guys go deeper, everyone give me a perception check. Nat 20. Whoa! I also got a Nat 20.

Wait, really? Yeah. Wow. Okay. Okay. I got a 19 on the die. Plus one becomes a dirty 20. Zodrick just fucking locks in.

Whatever her terrible thing, Boggi gave him, he suddenly is just like locked in. Hey, boy, Wellie. Yeah. Snake shit. Snake shit? I looked like an herb.

I know. The thing is the snakes, they eat the herbs, and then they just pass them through. And it adds, the venom adds a medicinal component. That's incredible. You see Zudrick just looking at his hands? I think he's tripping. I think he's dripping. I'm having an animated conversation with my birds.

Whoa, give him and Tabith some space. They're really getting into it. As Zudrick hallucinates and talks to Tabitha and you guys whisper to one another, you guys all did amazing on these perception checks. So for a moment, nothing seems out of place, but then you notice a disturbance in the mud ahead of you, a deep groove cutting across the path and winding into the reeds. The stalks bent flat beneath its weight.

Something large came through here. Suddenly the grass shifts to your left. You turn toward it, but before you can get a look, you hear another rustle behind you. but with your two crits and a 19, all of you are ready for this. And Boggy, you already know what this is. You are being hunted by three enormous shapes, and they begin carving through the reeds toward you.

It would have caught you by surprise, but I will let you guys roll initiative with advantage. Ooh, that's a good ruling. I still only got an eight on my initiative. Fuck me. 26 for Boggy? That's really high. It's a 13 for Wellie.

All right. You guys crouch low, ready for this. ambush. Boggy, you've talked a lot about snakes. The one you have not mentioned yet is the giant bog snake. And right now, there are three of them all shooting out of the tall grass, but you act first. So I said singing snake, log snake, I'm pretty sure that's it. Oh, there's one more I forgot about. Oh, shit. It doesn't look like a log. It looks like a snake. It's a snake snake snake. We call them snake snakes. This is so big. Those biggest two snakes. Watch out. That's a great name.

Snake snakes. The snake snakes shoot out of the grass at you guys. Shit. Okay. Boggy's going to climb a willow tree and is going to fire at them from above. Cool. So I'll go ahead and take two attacks. That's going to be a 19 and a 21.

Both of those hit. Great. And I will go ahead and make one of these a tripping shots. Okay. 16 damage. With a trip attack, it'll need to make a strength save, a 14. Or the snake will be prone, which is weird because snakes are always prone. Yeah, are they immune to being prone?

They have no immunities. Ooh. So, yeah. A prone snake. Wow, I've heard it all. It looks the exact same. It's just like slightly to the side instead of on their stomach. It could be like belly up.

Yeah, okay, belly up snake, yeah. That's only a 12th. So the snake goes belly up. Belly up. You stick it with two arrows and it goes belly up. And Boggi, do you want to give me an athletics check to climb that tree? Oh, yeah. Belly up, up.

Whiskey in my cup. Ha-ha! That's a two. Shout out. I sing that in the chest. Did you just try to jump into the knot of that tree, like an owl? I thought I would shrink. So you shoot two arrows as you bound across the swamp,

aiming for a big willow tree, and then just get clotheslined by a branch on your way. Flatlined into the mud. Franks were slower last time I was here. And that is the... the snake that you just attacked. So I prone myself as well. Right, you're both prone.

So this snake flips back onto its belly, all is right in the world. It's going to make a bite attack at Boggy. That is a 19 to hit. That does hit. All right. Oh my God, that's a lot of damage. That's 15 damage on its first attack.

Okay. And it's going to try to constrict you. So give me a DC 14 strength saving throw. Is this normal? Bogi. You guys just lived here. This is a snake, snake greeting. Everything's fine.

Wait, are you doing a saving throw? Yeah. Because of the sunsword, you get a plus one. Oh, nice. Good call. We have a plus four, that becomes a plus five. That's a 16. That saves.

It tries to constrict you, but you flex your muscles and it can't get around you to do any damage. Not today. I'm showing my friends my home. That is Wellie's turn. Okay, I'm actually going. to take out my mall because I want to try and topple these guys also. All right.

I'm gonna go after the one that is trying to constrict boggy. Great. Dirty 20 on the first attack. Hits. 16 damage on the first attack and it has to do a con saving throw or get the prone condition. DC 15. That's a 15. Okay, so it passes.

Okay, I'm gonna try again. Does a 15 hit. A 15 hits. 11 more damage and another con. and another con save to not fall prone. All right, the snake is looking hurt, and the con save passed again. It's another 15.

Okay. I'm going to action surge. Yeah. Surge, Willie. Freaking snake, snakes. 23 is going to hit. That hits. 11 more damage.

On death's door. 23 to hit. That hits. 10 damage. Wellie, finish this snake. Yes! Yes. I think I'm going to,

just politely lay it on its back and say, die prone, little baby. What the hell? It's darkest hell. Because I killed a creature, I get to use a bonus attraction to make another attack. Nice. Great, there is another snake right here.

Yeah. Come on. Not joining. Whoa. Nice. So I will invoke my fire ruin because that's gonna double up that damage. She's taken to the bog.

Look at that. Dye prone little baby. Yes. So the lodestar can wink at you. Zudrick rubs his temples. That's so cold. 37 damage, 14 of which is fire damage. Wow.

So good. As I invoke Hilt Rune. Amazing. So you wrap your body around this first snake, like the Ender taking a life. You whisper, die prone little baby, I think. And then decimate the second snake, who is looking very, very,

very, very hurt, but it is the second snake's turn. I mean, it has to go after U.S. You're a huge threat. So the snake snake makes an attack on U.S.E. That is a Nat one. So it is very fearful. He's scared. What was it? Me killing your friend or all the fire.

It mists with his bite, but then it hisses and it coils its body around you. You have to make a DC-14 strength save or be constricted. Okay. Easy now, Wellie. I already feel constricted by all of the tenants I was raised by. 25! That passes by a lot. The snake tries to constrict you and you bat it away.

That is Zudrick's turn. Launch! Did he just say lunch? He said launch. Oh, unless it was lunch. Launch! I mean, actually, screaming lunch, screaming lunch while running into battle is really intimidating.

Certainly. I'm gonna eat you. 19 hit. That does hit. He crave snake flesh. You can't eat these, Zuddy, by the way. Ooh. 24 damage.

There you go. To the hurt one. To the hurt one. Zudrick, you scream lunch as you leap into the air. Finish this hurt, snake, snake. Zedric goes with it. He did scream launch, but like he got something caught in his throat. When he hears other people talking about lunch,

he's like kind of feeling self-conscious about how good Wellie's last line was, so he goes, yes, of course, lunch, snake, snakes. And then I chop one in half and I bite it. No, don't you know. Wait, what? I spit it instantly. Give me a concept? Fuck.

It's 21. Okay, yeah, you actually just get even more focused. Whoa, everything in this bog makes me focused. Okay, and there's one more healthy snake who is circling you guys in this glade. Great. I'm not going to launch. I'm just going to take a regular ass attack. Lunch. That's 11.

That one misses. And now this third snake is going to circle and go after Boggy. It's going to take a bite attack. Bring it. That is a 17 to hit. Let's have a dance. That'll do it. 11 damage. Okay.

As it bites into your flesh and you make eyes at your comrades and try to assure them that this is all fine and normal. The snake wraps around your body and starts squeezing. Give me a strength save. We call this a snake snake handshake. A standard bog greeting. We've only been here for like an hour. It just feels like you couldn't possibly live here.

That's 11. That fails. Fuck. 13 damage. Okay. This snake has you grappled, Boggy, and it is going to keep on squeezing and biting you. But that is your turn.

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to get a little HP back. Okay, I get 10 more HP back, which is very nice. All right? Yeah, I'll pull out Eagrit's wing and grasp of the ass, and I will just stab right into it while I'm being grappled. All right, so the snake is trying to squeeze the life from you, but you dig your hands into your sides and you pull out your two swords

and you swing down on the snake. Right where I want you. You say breathlessly. Just bit and just wound up by a giant snake. Boggy's eyes are turning completely black. Valky looks out and just says, Boglite, bitches. Not even red, black eyes.

Their blood is so dark. Your blood is already necrotizing. 21. And a 13 to hit. Both of them hit. That's 15 damage. But I think because I used my scimitar, I get to do another attack because of the Nick property. Nice.

So that's going to be 27. So I'll do... That hits a lot. Two more damage. So you start swinging your swords down at the snake as it's trying to drain your life from you. And I'm going to action surge. Yeah. Why not?

All right. Yeah. I just keep slashing away at it. It's a long day, gang. Action surge comes back on a short rest. Oh, fair. Although a short rest for you might be longer. What's that mean?

Because sleep is very important to you, which is actually really healthy, that you prioritize it. Cudric looks furious. What did I say, Zudrik? I can't make you happy. It's fine. You just need some more of that special medicine. I wink it, Wellie. That is going to be a 26 and a Nat 20.

Woo. Hell yeah. I'll add a, I don't know how this would work. what I'm grappled by the snake, but I think I'm technically allowed to trip attack it, so I'll try that. Great. I'll try to just like flip it prone by like sticking my knife into the snake and just like rolling the entire thing, kind of like trying to ride a sandworm. Awesome. All right, so I'll give a strength save. That's 27 damage. It's looking very fucked. Good because I'm fine. You action surge, keep on stabbing, plunging your blades into the snake's body. It does a strength save and fails. So

you also flip yourself over and smash the snake's head into the mud. Whoa, that was like a pro wrestling move. And that is Wellie's turn, so you have advantage on this attack. There you go. Live free or die prone. Two attacks. Dirty 20 on the first one, two 19s on the second one, so that's... Yeah, it hits.

Okay, 32 damage. Wow. Wellie, finish this snake snake. I'm going to put it. it onto its belly and say, die right side up, baby. Indeed. One must greet the ender. One the load start.

So, Wellie unwraps the snake from around bog. He lays it flat on its stomach. And then I think I start carving its scales from it. Ooh. Because I'm feeling inspired by like the Zootric hunter of it all ever since I addressed that troll. Yeah. And so I'm like.

I think I told you. not to do that. Maybe I could fetch a price for this as well. Yeah. Well, roll me some insight to see how much snake, snake scales fetching good port. Nat 20. Why? God damn.

Watch I get like it. It's like really, really good. You rolled a Nat 1 and a Nat 20. On insight. Yeah. I was using the Nat 1 insight to fuel wanting to dress things or like wanting to skin things. With this Nat 20, these scales actually are kind of valid. So if you can carve some of them out, you can trade them in good point.

Indeed, yes. All right. They make wonderful breast plates. I'm going to get to it. Sick. All right, give me a slight of hand check to carve this thing. You can do it with advantage. There's nothing.

I actually already do because of my cloud ruin. Perfect. 12. It takes some time, but these snakes are laying flat, both prone and unprone by your directive. So you carve these scales. And they're rigid and they're coarse. They're hard, which is why it takes. you some time, which is why it's tough, but that's also why they're valuable. So you remove

some scales from these snakes. We can use this to barter for information or relics or people on the inside to help free Longest Tom. Well, thought, well, yes. Snake, snake pelts fetch a high price in Goodport. Peltz? Yes. Yeah, look, you can wear. The bog is so confusing. You see the blubber lay underneath. I throw it around my shoulder and I'm like, see, Zidrick? It's like a pal. Ooh, la, la, what is this? Do you see this? A fancy lady of Goodport attending a ball? I'm to my eyes to see.

I use one of the snakes carcasses, like a runway. Or a catwalk. Like Britney Spears at the VMAs? Yeah, I start doing like a little, like, fashion show. Okay. I have to admit, it looks really good. I'm sorry, when you're right, you're right. And when I'm wrong, I just have to admit it.

You're looking like a taxidermy shop. You have like troll guts, this prismatic trout. the reed hog, the snakes. I still don't know about the freaking troll guts. I still just think those are gross. Are you kidding? They smell rancet. They're so bad.

They are rotting. I just, I'm again just going to vote. I know there's only three of us. So like, I need someone else to join me here. Let's go and do a vote on who thinks we should throw the troll guts out into the bog. Such a crazy sad. Now, no, hold on now. Flanky.

See, the thing about it is, the longer you're that something, rotten fester, sometimes, sometimes it goes around the bin and becomes a really tasty beverage to drink. So I think this needs... I think that's just wine. I think that's just wine. Oh, just wine. Just one. What about liquors of all sorts? What about beer? What about ale? What about whiskey? What about tachula? It doesn't get better. What about sauerkraut? I mean, yeah, I guess. Kinchee. All right, you know what I'm wrong, I'm wrong. When you guys are right, you're right. Regardless, oftentimes when we are low on funds at the bar, we would just shove a bunch of snake guts into a vial and sell them to strangers on the street.

You guys were awesome. Let's keep walking. Indeed. As Sudrick says that, I'm going to walk up to Zudrik and kind of say, Zudrick, what's going on really? What's going on, really? You just said, you guys sounded awesome in a really jealous way and then sort of stormed off. And I feel like you're just more insecure.

that I'm used to. Yeah. What's going on in your life that's making you feel so insecure? Because I want to help you work through that. Okay. So don't bring this up to Bokie, okay? Okay, just between us. Okay, just between us.

Okay. Yeah. So Boggy is really like bog focused, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm just kind of like nervous because so far I hate the bog. You guys are sitting on a log that hissed. and then darts into the wreath. I got another one.

I stab my sword into it and then keep sitting on it to continue the conversation. There's snakes everywhere. I know. And some of them are valuable. Some of them are logs. And the mud is trying to eat me. And it's really hot. I know.

I know. Well, here's the thing is that the bog was a chapter in his life, but it doesn't need to be the entire book. Maybe it is, in which case maybe some day. we will have to part ways and that will be really sad. But it's possible that it was just chapter one, part one. I mean, have you ever seen Boggy not look like he takes to whatever environment he's in? He just loves everything. Yeah, that's fair.

I think he could be happy anywhere. But you're right. I think there is a question of will we find longest Tom and then will the two of squirrel away? to gather a new gaggle of strangely named men? The question are, are they just going to squirrel away? I'm going to squirrel away. I'm going to squirrel men away. You're going to squirrel away with a bunch of men.

Yeah. Let's face it, Wellie, our names aren't that weird. You're right. But Zudrick, you know what? What? We're in this together. Yeah. Okay?

Okay. If one of us is getting ditched, both of us is getting ditched. All right. It's me, you, and the birds. We just have to make a pact. that neither of us develops a really catchy nickname. Absolutely. Either we both do or we both don't.

That's fair. Oh shit. I'm already zuddy, which is like kind of fun and clanky. Oh. But that's not that fun. It's no dandel candles. Yeah, it's no, yeah.

It's no dandel candles. Okay, so we're in this together. No matter what, if we lose Boggy, we still have each other. Okay. Well, Boggy is looking like he's like about to pass out because that's, again, It's the positive attitude of it all, but he has been poisoned. Yeah. Oh, shoot.

You're right. You guys make this packed at the edge of a clearing as Boggy like peels himself out of the mug. Boggy instantly starts trying to climb a tree again. Boggy, give me a constitution safe. Got to get higher up. Oh yeah. He's hallucinating again. Gotta get to high ground.

Safe are there. Snake, snakes are out. Got to sleep with the trees tonight. I just scream. They can't climb! Oh, hell yeah. That's the 23. Oh, he's got the antibodies already.

You guys fret over whether or not this man is going to stop being your friend as he like staggers around in the clearing, mumbling and shouting at a tree. Well, if it isn't my two close chums, wet wellie and hanky-clanky. Whoa. Oh, fuck. Oh, my. Okay. Hanky, stanky, clanky, get over here.

All right. Boggy, I have a question because I've been thinking about it for myself. What does it mean to you? like you're a member of Boggy's buds, but you're also like a member of the order of the compass and crow because I personally am working through a feeling of disloyalty being pledged to the order of the Okinaur and then now pledged to the order of the compass and crow.

And my heart is leaning towards one of them. Boggy pulls out some horn-rimmed cups and pours out some of his whiskey that he got from Bogtu and passes them around and says, well, it's good to have those feelings. but to me, oaths and friends are logs on the fire. The more there are, the brighter it burns. But too many and you risk burning down the entire city.

Baggy looks into the distance. You haven't just been throwing logs into fires and leaving them after you? I'm not the fire guy. That was Dandy's job. Okay. I suppose what I was saying is that in the darkness of the night when the indoor lurks in every corner. We must steal ourselves in whatever way we can.

Okay. So I guess just take the one that's useful. Yes, but don't just take it, treasure it. Hold it close and make room in your heart. Sometimes your heart will ache at the growing, but strong trees can grow around even the most gnarled of iron. And Willie, you're not really in the oak and whore anymore because they kind of kicked you out, right? Yeah.

Yeah. So you don't have to feel bad about that. I mean, they're jerks, and we kill jerks. I just, I wonder what it means about the oaths I just took if I broke my previous oaths. Could I ask you, Wally, and Zuddy, I would pose this question to you also. What is the penance you pay for deserting or being kicked out of an order? Self-ladulation? Indeed.

The bog had a similar ritual. When you've shown your ass, you must grin and bear the punishment. And Boggy drops his pants and draws a target on his butt. Whoa, is he asking us to spank him? Boggy, you can't do that stuff. What you mean? What's wrong? No, I'm saying, give it a kick, man. Get it a kick.

All right, I kick him in the butt. Okay, great. Give me an attack roll. So bad. 10. Okay, you go to kick Boggy in the ass and you slip in the mud. Oh, fuck. Careful.

But as you guys stand here in this glade among the fallen snakes and you have these conversations, you know, you realize you're all oath breakers. You're all promise breakers. You pledged yourself to causes in the north and you changed sides, Zudrick. You, Boggy, you told your friends they were your buds for life, but then you ran when they were under attack and wellie. Defiled the hand of a beautiful. And yeah, you jizzed in your codpiece and stole a compass. You didn't take an oath not to jizz, did you? Yes. You took an oath specifically not to Jiz, Willie. The oaths of the order of the oak and ore, like all about chastity. Yeah, I understand that. But that's like, okay, it's not like freaking illegal to like have a coronal release.

Like, no, just spontaneously. So if I go to sleep right now and I have a wet dream, that's a sin. According to the oaths I took, yes. I don't, really? Yeah. They said that. Because look, I don't. I get it. Some of these orders get on you for playing with yourself, but I don't like, just like touching someone's hand and having a release.

I mean, they kept it much more vague. It was more about like chastity and purity and honesty and earnestness and not taking too many naps and eating right and keeping pure of mind and heart. So they didn't say anything like you can't have a wet dream that just wasn't one of the oaths, okay? You're right. You caught me in that fabrication. But anyone with a sense of imagination or addiction. or a thesaurus would be able to extrapolate don't have a wet dream means being pure of mind and heart. Well, first of all, I do have a thesaurus. You do? Sajic pulls out of thesaurus.

Look at that. Yeah. Wow, it didn't even get water, Daniel. Didn't peg you for a scholar. Wait, is there a bullet in that? Did that sosaurus save your life? Yes, from a crossbow shaft. My goodness.

Hilt's balls, man. Maybe we should all come. Parath this all are ease. No, no, Hilt's testicles. What? Go on. It is worth pointing out that I do respect your reasons for breaking your oaths. Well, yeah.

Maybe there is such thing as a bad oath and breaking an oath. There's a ton of bad oaths. Look, up in the faraway fjords, there were always new kings and queens, and everyone was killing each other. You had to break your oath before someone else did. Actually, I always broke them after someone else trying to kill me. Yeah. Oaths kind of sour.

Everyone's like, oh, I'm actually the real prince. I was born over here, but actually I'm from here. And actually, I pulled a sword from a freaking ice block or something. So that makes me the freaking king. Follow that guy for a year. How'd that go? Really bad. I think I'd follow him too.

I can be a real following. Well, the thing is, is that ice melts, right? So what is pulling sword from ice actually really about? Yeah, it's kind of just choosing the right season to try. For sure. And then a guy from like a super like really colder area said I'm the true king because I pulled a sword from the ever frost. And I was like, that sounds real. And so I followed that guy for six months.

So it's pretty much. And then his brother killed him. So that's interesting because it sounds like rather than following crowns, you were often following swords. Whoa. I don't know what that means yet, but I think it means something. There's some wisdom in what Wellie says because it's not about the oaths you break, but it's about who you make them to. I think that's what you guys are working through right now. That's interesting.

You've broken oaths, but you haven't broken them to each other. And I'll say as this conversation is happening, the sun has gone down, darkness is falling. So you know you'll want to make camp for the night. Okay. Oh, yes. Okay. Well, this has all given us a lot to think about. By us, I mean me.

I'm not going to speak for you guys. No, it's given me a lot to He-Chexis thesaurus Ponder. Did he forget he had it? I've been like this the whole time. It's right here. It's right here in my Chexas-the-saurus satchel.

Let me put my blade down. Oh, this will make for an interesting night. But, well, one piece more I will say to you is that Your order made these oaths and proclaimed these laws because they held an oar that was sacred. Soon enough, we shall have our own oar. So what will make our oaths any less sacred? You know, I think I also always thought that the oaths were in the name of the oar,

but hearing everything from Zootric's life, maybe the oaths are often in service to a person rather than an ideal. Maybe the ore doesn't care about my chastity of body and purity of soul. Well, I'll tell you that we don't. Yeah. We like you the way you are. Thanks. Well, he starts to fall asleep while sitting up because she has been thinking so hard about this and it's tuckered her out.

Yeah, from being pulled in so many different directions, you're falling asleep, like, on your feet and you sink down into a soft bed of moss below the low branches of a soft bed of a soft bed of. scrub oak overhead the skies crowded with stars shining like sunlight poking through a tent riddled with arrows the scent of decaying leaves fills your nose as the wind carries the harsh rattling call of a crane out of the darkness oh shut the fuck up crows go tongue shut the fuck up good night dreg sends his crows after the crane zudrick lights a citronella candle but it does nothing he's eaten alive by mosquitoes Hundreds of small mosquitoes crawl into the venting in your mask. You're going to want to fall a soup with a cigar on your mouth.

That's the only way. I'll also say as you prepare for bed, well, you can unfurl your tapestry to use this blanket if you like. Yeah, I think I roused because of that loud-ass crane. Dukovny. Because of Dukovny. And I'm like, and I have a little bit of a chill. So I'm like, oh, my art object, my 10-foot tapestry.

and I want to, as I get ready to burrito myself in it, I want to scope out what's on this tapestry because I love a tapestry. So, well, you unfurl your 10 foot by 10 foot art piece. Art object. Art object. That's what I wrote in my notes. Exactly what it is. You shake it out and its edges are faded and marked with grime, but it's been folded for a long time.

So towards the center, the fine fabric still shows a richer color. And you were looking at an image from the... the age of stories. A cloud skate with a tall mast cutting through it and a dashing figure in the crow's nest. Sir Lachlan Boyd, a member of the Solar Knights, whose name is carved in the Opal Sunsword, rides atop his ship. The rigging webs out toward the fading border. He has a cutlass set aside and an eyeglass in his hand, and around his neck hangs a familiar compass. You plunge your hand into your pocket, you run your fingers across the engraving on the brass. LB.

I grogly clutched the compass to my chest and then I wrap myself up in this tapestry like a dead body. And I dream of sailing through the skies. So you mummify yourself in the art object and you all go to bed. And Wellie, sometime deep in the night, the witching hour, you hear a ribbing. You blink your eyes awake, peering up through the brink. branches at stars, and you hear it again. Really? Sir William Schitts?

Sir William Schitts? I reached my pocket. Is that where it's coming from? Why is everyone a night? She's on trick has not slapped. Sir Zedric? Sir Zedric? His eyes are open. Did you not just take oaths to be part of the order of the compass?

Steady on. Steady on, hanky-clinky. Yeah. And William Schitts did do. I look in my pocket. Was it Sir William Schitt says? You pat your hand atop your frog pocket and it's empty. You shoot bolt upright and you scan the campsite. And there he is.

You lock eyes with your toad, William Schitts. He sits at the edge of the clearing. He gives another quiet. And he hops into the darkness. I, I follow him. All right. You follow Schitts away from camp as he hops easily through the mudd ahead of you. I don't want to disturb Zudrick's sleep, but I am like, I am whispering at Sir

William Schitts. Sir William Schitts, please get back here. We're going to wake up Sudrick. He's going to be so mad. I give Zudrick more snake shit to help him sleep. Sodrick is wired from snake shit. Well, you're stumbling ahead this muddy path, tripping over roots. You'll occasionally lose William Schitts into the brush before another ridgett tells you. which way to go. You climb over fallen logs and push through hanging vines, and eventually the trees begin to thin, starlight spills through a head, and you emerge into a small glade. At its center stands a leafless tree. It's ancient and squat its trunk twisted into thick knots, the roots grasping the mud like a claw, and woven through its branches are thin dead vines, almost indistinguishable

from the tree itself. William Schitts hops toward the base of the tree, He starts climbing up between the roots as you keep on whispering at him to come back and not with the sunbreak up. As soon as I see this tree, I go to a knee and I pray to the ender. As you go to a knee, you see William Schitts disappear into a small hollow in the trunk, and he ribbons from inside. And when you go to your knee and you whisper a prayer to the ender, you feel something stirring inside you. Wait, no, not inside you, beside you. My twig?

The twig of mayhem is vibrating. Oh, I take it out and I follow where it leads. You take a look at this twig of mayhem, this braided twig with tiny constellations etched into the braided wood and they're all glowing. You raise your eyes slowly to the gnarled tree, points of pale light begin appearing across its branches one by one. They trace the trunk and bows until the twisted tree is mirrored with the same stars. I'm going to go over as respectfully as possible because this is the ender to me. And I'll see if there's a missing twig that this belongs to. And if not, I'm going to reach into the hole.

Okay. So you approach this tree with reverence, all of the means. directions that you were feeling yourself pulled in before, now it feels like there's this singular purpose, like you know which way to go. You're letting this braided twig lead you. And even in this strange land, there's something familiar about this moment, like a story begun long ago, told through generations. It's final words, a whisper you're struggling to hear, like the stars themselves are an ellipsis. You reach the twig towards the branches, towards the hole in the center where William Schitts crawled.

You reach out across the bog, across time and space. You reach out and touch the twig to the tree. Zap. A bolt of purple lightning erupts from the tree. You're catapulted backwards, slamming into a dead tree trunk before falling face first into the wet earth. You take four damage. Oh, man.

The four damage from the ladyender. I've been smited by the gods. I knew it. I am an oath breaker. My soul is unclean. You pick your head up, having that internal meltdown, wiping the mud from your eyes. And you see William Schitts sitting right beside you, flicking his tongue out at your side, offering a comforting ribbet as you catch your breath.

I think I had a chance. Lady Andrew was there. And I profaned her. It wasn't enough for me to just. Witness, I had to reach out and touch with my mortal hand. God, what have I done, William Schitts? How will she ever forgive me? As these doubts creep in, crestfallen, you lower your eyes to the mud,

and you look down at the twig of mayhem, and you see a new constellation among the etchings, a cluster of stars in the shape of that ancient tree that you just reached out to. Not a rebuke, but a message. This bog is older than the stories And this twig now holds a spell with one use Speak with the dead Maybe that whisper across the ages

Will be heard after all And that's where we'll end our session We gotta touch more trees You gotta go tree touching Sweet Wow Oh chills Chills of plenty

Very excited to touch some trees and to speak with the dead. And it started with me being like, I want to meet God. There you go. What's the next best thing? Yeah. Gog. I mean, I feel like, but that's the Ender's image.

That's the Ender's symbol. I feel like that's as close to meeting God. Wow. Sweet. We will talk more about this over in our Patreon. Patreon.com slash Nadpod. That's any DDPOT. Don't sing yet.

Don't even think about it. Star. Does anyone have anything they like to plug? You know, I'm reading a book, about a lady knight who's called Sir. And it's giving me such, well, she's very different than Wellie. But it's been a great book so far. It's called The Everlasting by I think Alex Harrow.

Cool. But it's not Arthurian, but it is giving me like Scaldova tingles. Hell yeah. Scaldova vibes. Yeah. I'm going to plug cinnamon brooms. You know, when you get like one of those brooms that's got like cinnamon twigs in it. Yes, they are three.

I'll fucking love a cinnamon broom. It's cinnamon broom season. Get yourself a little cinnamon broom and sweep around your sill. Wow. It'll really just liven up your house and make it feel a tonalous help. Wait, are you supposed to actually sweep with the cinnamon broom? I thought that it was supposed to just passively release it. I think you kind of give it a little swish to activate it, you know?

Awesome. Give it a little swish. Right on. Awesome. And I'll remind everyone it's over the garden wall season. Yeah. So go watch over the garden wall. Ooh.

Get to it. Freaking rocks. And you can follow us on social media there. Mary Mennit use at CSNorce Me at Caldice Caldwell at Extrademily and at Jake Rhodes is Jake and you can talk about the show online using hashtag Nadpot the 10 ADDPOD. We are, we are, we are, the youth of a nation. We are, we are, the youth of the nation. It's the end of the show everybody and that means I need to shout out our benevolent council of elders starting with Brad D. Jeffrey S. Lord of the Fjord, later McSater,

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Nick A.J. Ashosaurus. Rory Noah Zorro. Bohemia's greatest swordsman. Tori the tungsten dragoos. Dr. Dogg's assistant. Sachi Dogbed, Carl B. Plummer of the Realm, Bravo the Bard, Ace Dreg's High Lord of Critsburg, Joan and Sarah are Wellie Ham fans, Vin Diagram, D.M.M. Charby, Catamilius the Consumed. Cam the Spooky Frog Man. William Schitt's cousin.

Jake W. says, hi, Mom. Tuesday Cross, only here for the surf and mirth. We Love You Rat Jesus. Samores. Tyler McEm, Altruistic Fish. Zibitabackery. Gigi says, Falistine Hara, O and Snake Release, Kaylee of the Oaken Ore, Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden, Jane A C, Alice the future Mrs. Boggy, watch it Winona, Carly C, Rachel dies in Animorphs, Yeti Penguin, Casey is a Smafire, Greg W, Krangar Provides, So says Krangar, Baruch Thunderhelm, Fifth Generation Minotaur, working as an abandoned Labyrinth Tour Guide, Mr. Mate of Cappy B of the schooner, Louis R. French, Richard E., Jen's left glove tailor, your four-legged gray companion,

Nick, Mo, loving Skoldova, and Running Stroud in the 90s, The Raging Ranger Echo Ashmore, B. Laura Laura wishes Brad and Jamie a happy wedding. Chef Julie B., Andrew K., Sam S., Mama Mayhem, Sal Sua, Sal Neu, 404 Errorich, Almost Dr. Katz, Bob, Harry Dresden, Spirit of Intellect, Lorelei, Oscar The Saladsar, Little Dark Lotus Creations, Kendra A. Miller, James the Polymorphed Boot, Joshua H, Jacob M., Lou H, Ben V, Prince Slagathor the Third, Elidar, the eldest elder in Eldermorn, toxic ghost, Daniel M, Chris A, Angie H, possessed serial, shy sign 23, I'm Just Sam, Anthony H, Ellen C. Anthony J. proprietor of the Crix Lazy River Floating Tour. Cage B. Lara, the big-titted worm.

Ernie, a classic nice and gentle sousaphone cowboy. Maureen Emporium. Pam, the Crazy Cat lawyer. Raven 621. Kellyn in Progress. Sloth of Deception. And finally, Soul Cat. Thank you all so much for listening.

You can head on over to our Patreon to listen to our aftershow, The Short Rest. Thank you to all of our listeners. of our Patreon subscribers, and of course, our benevolent council of elders. We'll catch you all next time. That was a hate gum podcast.