Not Another D&D Podcast - Surprise Round! - Blue Yoda

Episode Date: October 4, 2024

Welcome to Surprise Round! A show inspired by our love of unhinged hypotheticals. Join Discussion Master Tanner as he leads his crew of Rowdy Rounders through a series of wild scenarios that may or MAY NOT feature M&M eggs.CREDITS:Sound Mixing and Editing by Trevor LyonSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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This is a HeadGum Podcast. processing code P-A-W, P-A-W. Goodbye, sweeties. This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to Surprise Round, everybody. Oh, whoa! Surely you all knew that was coming. Surely you all knew that was coming. Get out of here! Emily's acting is too real. It's too good.

She's scared of you. Leave, dude. I'm out. You betrayed my trust. Get out. In fact, I am kind of out because fun announcement Caldwell Tanner has written a bunch of submissions. So I'll throw it to you as sort of the surprise round master.

Guess what? Surprise. Oh, whoa cool, you spoil us. Guess what, guess what? Surprise. Oh, look! Whoa! There you go. Wait a second, I can't do this last minute change like this? Whoa! Oh my God!

That's all right, I provided thunder shirts for everybody, so you just put those on and they're gonna calm you down a little bit, this is like a nice weighted vest that dogs wear when there's lightning outside. Really? Yeah, just put that on, you're gonna feel really nice. I sleep under one of those. Oh, yeah, like on a weighted blanket.

Yeah, it's like a weighted blanket you can wear anywhere. Cool. So that's going to be in our shop later today. Yes, thank you all of my rowdy rounders for joining me here. I'm your discussion master, Caldwell Tanner. How would everybody like to hear a scenario? Please. OK, go.

First one. I thought you meant like qualitatively how? Like loud, quiet, forceful. Right. Let's go even tone. Yeah, even tone. Perfect, yeah. You and a guest are invited to the red carpet premiere

of the Minecraft movie. Whoa, I love the music. I say no. I love the music. All right no. I love the music. All right, just go with me on it, Tiukong. You've never played the game, but your young uncle Bitten is a superfan. So you decide to check it out. Plus, you think it'd be cool to attend a Hollywood party and maybe get a chance to meet some celebrities.

Whoa, that could be really cool. After the show, Bitten... I could meet the person who does the music for Minecraft. Yeah, okay. That music does rock. They does the music for Minecraft. Yeah, okay. Yeah, that music does rock. They're probably hanging out there. Yeah, that like ambient vibey track. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They actually got Puddle of Mud to do the soundtrack for the movie. No! Is that true? No. Epic. She fucking hates me. La la la la.

Yes, dude. After the show, Bitten runs off to get pictures with the cast. You decide to hang back at the bar and enjoy some free drinks. After a while, a large figure leans next to you and orders a green apple Midori sour, which happens to be the exact same thing you're drinking. Wow. Wow. You look over and see that it's Jason Momoa. He nods at your drink and

smiles. You laugh and reach out to shake his hand, but as you do, he leans in thinking you want a photo. Your fingers brush his nose and he violently recoils, dropping his drink and screaming loudly that he's been injured. Across the room, you see people, including your uncle all looking up in shock. Jason is now covering his tear stained face with a massive hand and screaming about how much it hurts. Okay. With a jittery voice. He says it's broken. It's definitely broken. And this guy seriously jacked up my face. Despite his complaints, though, you don't see any blood or bruising

and you are 90% sure he's faking. Your young uncle looks up at you and gives you a what's going on expression as Jason Momoa grabs your phone off the counter and demands you record an apology video and post it online right now. You have full bars. I'm definitely calling him out.

I'm definitely like, my finger grazed your nose, dude. Show us your nose if I really hurt you so much. He won't show you his nose. He's just clutching it tighter and tighter. I think I'm confused by this Jason Momoa outburst. And I think I'm just saying to everyone, wait, wait, what, what? I think that's the first 10 minutes is me, Consul is saying, what, wait, what, what? I think that's the first 10 minutes is me,

Consul is saying, what, me? Me, what? I mean, it's getting out one way or the other. Everyone's got their phones out. Like Jason's freaking out. You're not getting painted in a good light thus far. I feel like I have to honor his big reaction. I happen to be like, I understand

that you got really freaked out. And I think I do that in a way that lets me glaze over, like just gloss past this apology video. Like I can grab my phone from him and almost look like I'm gonna record the video. I'm like, oh yeah, yeah. And then I just grabbed my phone, I put it in my pocket. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.

I didn't even think I touched you, dude. I let him explain to other people what happened. But I'm shielding my phone from the apology video. That's what I want to leave the public discussion. I feel like everyone around you, like the bartender, probably some of the other cast members are gonna be like, he's just asking you to record a video. It's not that big a deal, man.

It's really hurting. I think at that point I'm like, okay, you're all acting insane. Yes, yeah, yeah. I'm out. Is this a prank? I think you that point I'm like, okay, you're all acting insane. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I'm out. I think you're all joking. I'm like, there are literally people actively taking pictures of us right now. Just show me the picture of me punching Jason Momoa and I'll record an apology. Is anyone out here?

Yeah. You know, there is, that's true. There is a Getty images watermark picture. I'm like, let's check the Getty images. Check the Getty. All right. Yeah, that's a good point. There is a Getty images watermark picture of you. I'm like, let's check the Getty images. Check the Getty. All right, yeah, that's a good point. There is a Getty you can reference, but I feel like Jason is probably so inconsolable. He's not gonna let you check the Getty into your course. I'm glad.

I don't know if it would be a bad thing for my social media presence to record a video apologizing to Jason Momoa with him crying in the background. That might be okay. I'm so strong that- Yeah that I jacked up Duncan Idaho. Oh, you're right. Hey everybody, I'm so fucking sorry, but I guess I hurt Jason Momoa.

It was a total mistake. I didn't know my own strength. The crazy thing was I wasn't even trying. I just am that strong. He had an eyelash on his cheek and I just touched it so gently, but I'm just that Jack. You think you could spin this?

I guess I'm the new Duncan Idaho. I think it's more of like an apology for being as strong as I am. Yeah. Interesting. I think I record the video. I feel like just there's so many eyes on me. I like probably, you know, I'm a clumsy motherfucker, so there's

a slight chance that I could have actually did actually poke him in the eye. Yeah, I poked him in the eye or like maybe he's got like an exposed nerve or something I would believe that if he said it you poked me. Yeah. Yeah, I would still just be like, I'm sorry But this is a lot. This is a lot I'd be going into a red carpet event already so uncomfortable that as soon as there was any kind of scene I'd be like Jason Momoa keep my phone. I'd be like, Jason Momoa, keep my phone. I'd mutter sorry, look down at the ground and leave.

I just walk home from wherever I am. Jack Black's just shaking his head at you as you leave. That's fine. I might even kind of be like, hey Momoa, do you think this is good for your career? Because like, I don't think you want to be thought of this way. It's kind of in contrast to how cool you are

in lots of movies. This isn't what Aquaman would do. Here's some free advice. Do you think that there's like a 1%, 10% chance maybe even that this is like a PR stunt that he's trying to pull to show like the sensitive side of a MOA? To show like a new side of a MOA and he's just like committed too hard.

Yeah, it could be. It really could be. Well, I think we've all got our answers in for this one, right? Yeah. I'm running home. I'm diving into the video. I'm gone.

I'm trying to heavily involve myself in Momoa's life. This one, I'm definitely just like, cool, I really think this is a prank. Yeah, that's definitely true. The second other people start also being like, just record the video, I'm like, this is a prank. You're pranking, you're pranking. That's so true.

Yeah. If it's just him doing it. And especially it's at a red carpet event. Yeah, exactly. Literally like this is. Exactly. This is so reminiscent of when Triple H was on Ponked. Okay, okay, so then you know what?

We all remember that classic episode where Triple H opened a door and someone pretended to break their nose on the other side. And then they kept just saying that he was like a reckless wrestler who was violent. And he was just very calmly being like, I'm sorry, let's figure this out. And it was very-

The same thing happened with Stone Cold, I remember. Stone Cold just looked awesome on his episode of Ponked. That makes so much sense. This, yeah. Let me tell you something. I'm really sorry. Stone Cold like stood up for a valet or something. Oh yes, I do remember that.

Yes, it was like, yes, the person was like chewing out the valet of his car. How dare you talk to him like that? Ah. Stomp a mud hole in your ass. There's always a chance that Punk'd is coming back. This would be Punk'n'I don't know. As soon as, yeah, I actually take back all of my answers

and I literally am just like, I'm on Punk'd, right? You guys have to try harder than this. This is too obvious. I think there's also like a version where I pivot and I see the cameras, I see the attention and like the child in me that wanted it hops up on the bar and just starts posing. Wow.

Oh yeah, you think you just like lean in wrestling style. Yeah, exactly. You cut a promo right then and there. Yeah, and I'm like, yeah, that's right. I'm the bitch that poked him in the eye. I dunked on Duncan, I dunked on Duncan. And I'm coming for everybody else. I'm on Duncan. And I'm coming for everybody else. I'm coming for Batman.

I'm coming for Harley Quinn. I'm coming for the whole thing. If you're a superhero, you're about to be a super zero. Let me tell you something, Jason, we ain't in the ocean right now. That's the answer right there. That's how you have to spin it. Yeah.

Great, Jake, do you have any fancymited ones? Yes, of course. We've got one from Everest Conclave. Everest writes, "'Your partner is a world renowned scientist.'" Wow, Murph. Congrats. What?

Well, in this hypothetical, you're a world renowned scientist. What kind of science do you think you study, Murph? Cold fusion, pro wrestling. I can actually think you study Murph? Cold fusion, pro wrestling. I can actually tell you Murph's latest invention, a device that will provide infinite clean energy for the world. Wow.

Whoa. I was right. You're invited to see a demonstration of the machine along with members of the press. As your partner introduces you to the members of their team, you freeze upon hearing one of their names, Dr. Avi Kintobur. Oh no.

No, fuck. He looks nothing like the Egg-Based Sonic character. When you try and explain the significance of his name, he simply frowns and says, Sonic, like the restaurant. You chalk it up to a wild coincidence. I would totally believe that this was, if I ran into someone, they were like,

my name is Dr. Avi Kintobur, I'd be like, I'm not even gonna bring up Sonic with you. This is clearly, clearly a coincidence. As soon as they, as soon as I say Sonic- Maybe Robotnik is based on you or something. You're such a legit scientist. Totally, as soon as they say Sonic like the restaurant, I'm like, you or something. You're such a legit scientist. Bye. As soon as they say Sonic like the restaurant, I'm like, you're lying.

You're Dr. Robotnik. Right. Yeah, I'm looking for more cracks in this egg-like facade. Okay, well you chalk it up to a wild coincidence. Just before the demonstration begins, however, you see Kintobre say, "'Whoops, almost forgot,' and take an egg out of his lab coat

and then place it inside the machine. Oh my God. Your partner begins to welcome everyone to the demonstration. Do you interrupt everything to point out the egg, embarrassing your partner in front of the press? Do you try and stealthily remove the egg and risk damaging the miracle machine?

Or do you let things be, knowing that this could be an evil plan by Dr. Robotnik or even the event that turns him evil in the first place. I have a really good idea. Okay. I take out my phone and I make the flash go off at the same time, like in the direction of the press, at the same time that I dive towards the egg

to knock it out. So they can't- Sounds like such a scene, Emily. That sounds like such a fucking scene. That was preempted by I have a really good idea. Yeah, so that's one of the worst ideas I've ever heard. That's the worst thing you could do in this situation. Literally the worst thing you could do in this situation.

I just picture you call attention to yourself and then die. Everything you've done in this situation is bad. Take it again. Take it back. I think you misunderstood. No, I'm perfectly understanding. It sounded like they're giving a speech in a dissertation.

So it sounds like maybe you could sneak up to the device and the only danger is that you might break it, right? It sounds like you could do it without being noticed. You are A, guaranteeing that you are noticed and B, instead of carefully going towards the device, you're diving at it. I think Emily is almost in the right here. Is she?

She's almost in there. I think you understand. Go on. The dive and the flash happen concurrently so that no one can take a picture of me while I'm doing it. Okay, that's good, that's good. That's a really great tactic.

It almost sounds like your idea is like a distraction for someone else to kill you. Yeah. But it's for you. The thing Emily is missing here, the thing is really gonna- Well, I don't have time to coordinate with anyone else. I'm thinking on my feet, okay?

Dr. Robotnik is real. Everyone's all dressed up for this event. I imagine you're wearing a nice gown or something. Yeah, a free-store gown. So as soon as you get up on the stage, you kind of tumble and roll, you stand up, and then, voila, you're showing off the merchandise. You're kind of the person they've hired to show off all the aspects of the machine.

You're kind of pointing at things. Like someone at a car show. And then you're using just sleight of hands to just fish that like a car show. Yeah. And then like you're using just like sleight of hands to just fish that egg out real quick. What if we combine the two ideas? Yeah. I get up on the stage, the press looks confused. I say, you don't get it.

I'm like a car model at an auto shop. All right, so. And I make sure they all get that word for word. Just to be clear, just to be clear. Right, yeah. The question here was whether or not you interrupt it and embarrass your partner. You're talking about pretending to be a car model,

jumping up on stage and making it all about you. Hey Murph, Murph, what's embarrassing about highlighting your partner's work, I would say. True. Yeah. About showing off all of the great stuff that your partner's made. Okay, so we're all just saying nuts stuff because that's what happens. I would say instinctually. We just great stuff that your partner's made. Okay, so we're all just saying nuts stuff because that's what's happening.

We just say stuff that's not answers. I'm gonna say instinctually, this one has me on edge because this is such a believable origin story for Dr. Contobro that I'm like, was this taken from the movies? You think this is what's gonna shock his mustache into being big and bristly and this is why he's gonna become obsessed.

Or if he's just like, if he's just got this evil plan for robots to take over, what better way than to be like, oh, we're doing this for clean energy. Yeah. I have a case for not getting involved. Okay. Okay. Case number one, this isn't Dr. Robotnik, right?

It just could be Dr. Ivo Kintobur. Allegedly, yeah. Acting kind of strange. Well, but the egg. The egg thing is strange. The egg of it all. For sure is strange, but I don't know how science works. And pretending he doesn't know what Sonic is.

For people to be like extremely out of touch, isn't that crazy in my experience? So that's not nuts. Also, okay, so number one, this might not be Dr. Robotnik. Number two, and like that's just, that would be very embarrassing for me to stand up and say something.

Number two, if it is Dr. Ivo Kintobor, Dr. Ivo Kintobor is good and becomes bad later. So maybe this isn't when he breaks bad. Maybe this is just more Ivo Kintobor stuff. And three, the reason that I don't really care is, he comes from like a PG world, maybe even a G world. And so like his bad guy stuff is all, it's just like, I'm gonna turn all of you into robots.

Just like, if that happens, fine, I'll be a fucking robot until Sonic jumps on my head. It's fine. Like. That is actually a really good point though, that he doesn't start out bad because what if you try to prevent this? And then you are the inciting incident.

You break his device. You break his well intentioned device and then he says, fuck humanity. Yeah. Wow. A sea of robots is my dream. Because humans are unreliable. Look, that one just ruined my clean energy machine.

I'm gonna make all humans robots so then I can actually fix global warming. Maybe that's what he's trying to do. Maybe he's a good guy. Maybe this is your evil origin story. Yeah, Sonic needs to be here. I don't wanna ruin Dr. Ivo Kintobur's device. That's really good.

I'm concerned about what if my wife is actually working with Kintobur. And she knows. If they're complicit, yeah. Oh my God. Well, that's why I think my strategy, just to reel it back out of crazy town, is I feel like, you know, my partner is sitting next to me.

I'm just like, hey, did you see that egg? I'm a dummy. I don't know much about science. You know that about me. But like, you love me all the same. What's up with the egg? Explain it to me like I'm a dumb child, which I am. Caldwell, I told you to not make this day about you. This is my special day.

OK, OK. As soon as. As soon as she says that, I'm going to the hot dog stand. I'm getting a big stinky chili dog. I'm smudging it slowly to try and like waft Sonic over to this event. I do think I'm looking around. I'm just looking for Sonic and wait way too long. How am I gonna turn into a robot?

I stand by making the flash go off and diving after the egg. I mean, Emily's the only one. It's already crazy town. Yeah. Emily's the only one. It's already crazy town. Yeah. Yeah. Emily's the only one that's saving the day here. Yeah.

If the day needs saving. For sure. A lot of these I find myself rather passive and this one I feel called to heroism. I think anyone that's a villain in a cartoon that's not like in anime, I'm just like, you can take over the world. It's not that bad.

It's fine. Little cartoon critters are gonna beat you up at some point. There's greater evil in the world already. Right, yeah. Are there humans in Sonic the Hedgehog? Yeah, I mean, Eggman's a human. Yeah.

Unfortunately. Well, Sonic gets a human girlfriend at one point. I've already talked about this for a little bit. Yeah, we should honestly do like a deal with all the Sonic stuff that we've done. There's some truly awesome, terrible Sonic stuff from the mid aughts. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they were really trying some stuff out. Yeah. Yeah. It becomes a werewolf, has a human girlfriend. Do you think that if you become encased in a robotic shell via robotification,

and then when Sonic hits you and like you break free, do you die or are you just kind of like lying on the ground like naked as like kind of like the human power source? I think it definitely sucks ass. I think you definitely just are walking around watching through your eyes as you're just like clanking around as a robot. Yeah. But they look the animals like bounce around after you jump on their heads and they escape. So.

Right. I think they're grateful. Right. Look, I'm just really banking on Sonic doing something here. Cause who am I to stop? And Dr. Ivo Kintobur. And I'm banking on myself. Since it's a press event, I would just raise my hand

and be like, what's with the egg? What's with the egg? Yeah. I'm curious about the egg. I saw a Dr. Kintobober put an egg in the machine. If Contober can defend the egg, then I'm fine with all of this. Right, if everybody's on board with the egg,

then I'm just gonna let it happen. For sure. But I feel like I could, it's my place to ask aloud about it, to wonder about it. And nobody could be that mad. I wouldn't be fully ruining anything. Yeah, that's true. I could see myself raising my hand

and being like, I'm so sorry. You guys have made persuasive points, but I still just know I'm like, you need to know to- It's a call to heroism. It was tough to answer because Emily had the correct take with the beginning. So we all had to kind of find our own thing to say.

Just imagine you're looking at a stage of people. Someone jumps onto the stage with a disposable camera and takes- Not even a phone, my phone flashed. My phone flashed. My phone flashed. Flashes the camera. The flash on your iPhone is so small. It's so small.

Imagine a giant room will basically look like the little flashlight went off on your phone for a second. You're right, they probably still get all the pictures they wanted. I'm just imagining the echoing sounds of as the audience watches you do like a combat role and start messing with the device. Just their eyesight recovered instantly.

I grab my partner's phone too, because I need a backup for this. Oh, dual phones. And I dual flash, throw it at the audience. If you dual flash, it's gonna be like a stereoscopic flash. In a well lit like laboratory presentation, I think the phone's flash would like not even register. Yeah.

Which is like when you held two phones and dove across the stage. I think it would be my greatest honor in life to be the guy about to eat a chili dog and then Sonic shows up and I take a chomp, but it's gone. And he's already eating it and on his way to save the day. I feel like that would, I would be honored to play that role in this event. But imagine this though, in real life, that Sonic wouldn't get past the security.

Okay. Sonic's not saving the day. Yeah, okay. What are you kidding me? Okay, hang on. I'm looking at this though. Too fast for the naked eye. Go ahead. Okay. So Dr. Ivo Kintobur, there wasn't like a ideological thing that turned him evil. He had a rotten egg and tripped on a wire

and got a surge of energy sent through him in the egg. Oh. This seems like the event. This could be the event. Fuck. I think Emily, Emily is a hero here. If you can get to that egg and give it a sniff, then you could save the event. Fuck. Okay, now you have to do something. Emily is a hero here. If you can get to that egg and give it a sniff, then you could save the day.

All right, you have, god damn it. All right. God damn it, Emily was right, right? Exactly. I think the person that submitted this might have known Kintobur's origin story. I think almost certainly. So yeah, reading this, I'm like, okay,

Ivo Kintobur is undoubtedly good aligned because nothing bad. The bad thing has not happened yet. So yeah, I think you got to jump in the path of the machine and take the rotten egg for Ivo Kintobur. Yeah, I think that, yeah, history can't be changed. Yeah, this must happen. This is a flash up at the audience and do a combat roll onto the stage. Take the egg out. Once again, Emily's bravery saves the day.

The correct answer. I have one that is kind of thematically linked to this. You'll figure out why as we get into it. You're walking down the street when suddenly you hear a deep voice whispering at you from a nearby alley. You peer around the corner and see a person in a life-sized yellow M&M's costume. At least, you're pretty sure it's a costume. It's fairly dark in the alley, but the blink of the suit's eyes looks oddly real. The M&M clasps his hands together and says,

I really need your help, pal. They've got my eggs. What? Shit. The M&M points at a CVS across the street and explains that all M&Ms are actually his and the other mascot's eggs. The M&M continues, his face looking frantic. But those eggs are special. They're gonna hatch soon. I just know it. I just know they will.

He drops to his knees and begs. If you get them back for me, I'll give you anything you want. He mouths the words anything again for emphasis, then hands you a crisp $100 bill. Before you can ask any more questions, he runs behind a dumpster, gestures towards the CVS and gives you a thumbs up. What do you do?

I just, I go clean out their M&M supply. Yeah, I guess you can use it. I think $100 will get you the M&Ms out of CBS. I think it'll get you every single M&M. You could just clean them out, yeah. I mean, you could just take the money. I clean them out. I go, I clean them out.

No, because like, anytime that someone's like, they're my baby, so I'm like, all right, I'm gonna try and help. Right, it's like, if there are eggs or not, this random guy really, really, really wants them. I think the fact that, yeah, I think the Eminem is blinking. I'm like, I'm sorry.

You have to prove that you're a real Eminem. Is this J.K. Simmons? Are you the voice of the Eminem? I thought it was John Goodman. Is that true? No, I thought it was J.K. Simmons. I think John Goodman's the yellow one, right? Who is the yellow?

Let's get to the bottom of this. Eminem. J.K. Simmons might be like, really? Has been the voice of the yellow Eminem in commercials since the late 90s. He took over the role from John Goodman. Whoa. He voiced the yellow Eminem in the original 1995 commercials.

So this is like, you're getting Goodman's timber from this Eminem. Oh, okay. If that changes anything. And I say John Goodman, what the fuck are you doing? Who's that? Right. Are you gonna be a good man and help me get my ex? Is what the M&M says.

I guess, yeah, okay, so. Is there any chance, I guess like before, as I'm walking over there, it's crossing my mind, am I being a drug mule? It would be such bad drug mueling to just put it for being available at CVS. Yeah, but I'm saying like, is there any way that I'm making myself complicit in trafficking of contraband? This is what you have to ask yourself. You don't know like what the implications are. Is this even really low scale money laundering?

Yes. I mean that highly likely. I think the fact that this is such a high quality M&M costume, I am like, I do want to see where this ends. Yeah. When I bring it back, I'm like, bring them all the M&Ms. And I'm like, so what are you up to for the rest of this? Yeah, I think first things first is, are you JK Simmons or John Goodman? He just says, who's that on the yellow M&M?

I give him like a real good look. I'm just being like, is this a suit or are you actually a living cartoon? You can't touch him. Can't touch him. He recedes further and further into the alleyway. That's fine, that's fine. I want to tap him on the shoulder

and be like, don't worry, it's gonna be okay. I'll get your eggs and see what the shelf feels like. Yeah, yeah, that's a good way. Okay, that's a good strategy. He does have flesh arms. Oh my God, are they smooth with just a little bit of down on them? I don't think there's a single wrinkle on them,

so it does look like some sort of- Not even in the elbow? Not even in the elbow. Well, you know what, when it bends, I'll say that there's kind of like a silica-esque bend to the elbow, it almost looks like rubbery. Whoa. But when you touch it,

I'm gonna say it does feel a little warm. Wow, they really are kind of flesh looking. I didn't realize that. Yeah, no, they got flesh arms and legs. They got flesh arms for sure. I mean, looking at this Eminem, he'd be talking like from his stomach, basically. I don't know.

I feel like a convincing costume would be really tough. He could be so huge and have a human in him though. He could be so huge. Okay, so I think I'm in, right? So I think I take the $100. I go, I don't, the way you're saying anything is making me feel weird, but I'm just gonna do this for fun

because I think cartoons are real now, so that's cool. I go into the CVS. I'm in for like my own $100 on top of this just to see how this plays out. That's what I was gonna say. When you were bringing this up and you didn't even say he gives you $100, I was like, yeah, I'll go buy out all their hands.

If you come up to me with a good enough M&M costume and say, buy all the M&Ms at the CVS, I just might do it. I just might do it. And you say, they're about to hatch. I'm like, I wanna see what they hatch into. I guess I wanna see this play out. I wanna see this play out.

Curiosity, yeah. So he gives me $100, I meet him at that a hundred dollars. I spend $200 on M&Ms. I think I'm confident I'm able to clear out the CVS of M&Ms. And then I come out and I hand all the M&Ms to the, you know, M&M. Okay. I think I do it, but I like, as I hand them to him, like,

and I really got to get going. Cause I don't want him taking me to different CVSs and Walgreens and Dwayne Reads around town. Yes. That's true. I do not hit up a second one. I think I handed it to him. I'm not enlisted in this. I'm not a part of this.

I'll help you out. I feel like this one, I'm like, maybe I'm money laundering in a way that I don't understand, but it's only $100. But once he starts taking me to other ones, then I'm like, okay, now I'm just gonna go to jail. There's also a world where the M&M's hatch and they see you and then these M&M minis imprint on you.

Good God. And then you're just kinda like the father or mother to this swarm, this hive. That would be really, really, really bad. So you really, yeah, you gotta think through every step of this. It's much more than $100. It's a lot of responsibility.

Yeah, well they hatch and they see the yellow M&M. And then I'm like, that's your dude. And then, and then the M&M's like, I'm naming them after you. Yeah, that's fine. You can name them after me. That's cool with you. Great. Yeah, for sure. My name is, my name is Caldwell Murphy. Can I get your number? Or Jake for short.

And I give him Jake's number and then I back out. Yeah, I do think that I want to go with them on this. I kind of think that this is like a fun, wacky adventure and like curiosity is certainly there. I think I throw the a hundred dollars in the trash and just keep on with my life. Really? Yeah.

I think it's just too much. It's just like too much. It's just too much for me. Yeah. And I just like. Definitely don't have to put the a hundred dollars in the trash. Right, you I just like. Definitely don't have to put the $100 in the trash. Right, you could just say, I don't want to do it. I don't know, I feel like I could get out of track on it.

Yeah, but he's like, I don't, yeah. But you're scared of the M&M. I'm scared of the M&M. That's what I'm getting at here. And I think that there's a chance that like, the M&M, like if it hatches these other M&Ms, like who knows what's gonna happen here? Like you know what I do?

I ask for a wish that seems like within the M&M's power. Oh, I forgot for a wish that seems like within the M&M's power. Can you give M&M's for me the nutritional value of like chicken with a side salad? Whoa. I just get so buff just chugging M&M's. Meaty M&M's? Yeah. Imagine just housing M&M's for protein.

And I know right away, cause I would like eat them and I'd be like, well, I feel like shit, I didn't have M&M's. so it's definitely does. It's not chicken and salad. So, okay. See, again, this is what I'm talking about. I forgot entirely about the wish. Yes. You could get that. Absolutely, Murph. This M&M, I think would like lead you into like the sewers where like this M&Ms on play. I'm not following the sewers, so I'm already. Motherfucker, you said if I got the M&M's, you'd give me a wish.

Yes. That you'd take me to a sewer. In due time, brother. No, no. I'm out. Then I run away. I ask him for an M&M's based wish because I believe that's one of his powers.

As soon as he tries to get me to a second location, I'm gone. And it's a sewer. Yeah. I think we can all agree that our curiosity, we see through the first test, but we are not going to second location. I'll go to a public location. That's not embarrassing for me either.

Okay. Yeah, I'm not going to a second location. I probably have to go to a CVS anyway. Like there's, I'll get something for myself in there while I'm getting the M&Ms. Yeah. All right, great. So you're going with the M&M, but you're not going to the second location. See, I'm worried about like what I'm getting embroiled in. So I'm saying no to the M&Ms. Yeah. All right, great. So you're going with the M&M, but you're not going to the second location. See, I'm worried about like what I'm getting embroiled in.

So I'm saying no to the M&M. Okay. And the M&M might seek vengeance on you. That's why I throw away the a hundred dollar bill. So that the bond is broke. But then he threw away his hundred dollars. Well, maybe I leave it out for someone else. I feel like whoever for someone else, it's the M&M.

You just robbed him. You robbed this M&M. You can just go give it to the CVS cashier. Maybe. All right, you know what I do? I probably, I like leave it at like the edge of the alley. And then I say, I'm sorry. And then I just run away really quick. And you run?

Yeah. And the M&M gets on all fours and starts bounding towards you. Oh my God. That's so funny. That would be so fucking scary. Cause when you look at the yellow M&M, you're like, okay, red M&M might catch me.

But yellow M&M? He's a fucking tank. red M&M might catch me. But yellow M&M. He's a fucking tank. He's a tank. I could definitely outrun him. When he gets down on all fours, you're like, oh my God, he's a hippo. God. And he's got a nut inside of him.

So he's got like internal armor. Yeah, no, okay. And he's like, have you eaten any of my eggs? Are you an egg eater? I smell my eggs on your breath. I've never had an M&M before, sir. Yeah, okay, no, that's a really good point. Yeah, no, I do one task for him and then I'm out.

I think I don't even ask for the wish. Maybe the wish would be like, I wish to know why you exist. Yeah. Like, did us believing in you make you exist? Right. Is it my fault that you're around? Grant me a rainbow pearl of wisdom.

Yeah. Turn the M upside down to a W. Yeah, I see. I do have low stakes where. What happens after death? That's cool. I wish to know what happens after death. Would you believe what the yellow M&M told you?

I was just gonna give you a lot of M&Ms. It's a dark void of nothing. Oh. Oh. Oh, fuck. Shit. I guess it's comforting in a way. Shit. But am I conscious? Am I conscious to the dark void of nothing?

The entire time. Fuck. That's so fucking scary, dude. Well, perspective I wanted. Thanks, man. Our bodies don't melt in their hands. They melt in the mouth of the world. Okay, new wish. Can you bring back the old commercials? Thanks, man. Our bodies don't melt in their hands. They melt in the mouth of the world. Okay, new wish.

Can you bring back the old commercials? Yeah, absolutely. We can do that, yeah. What if JK Simmons and John Goodman could be in the commercial at the same time? Wow, like a multiverse. Yeah. You know what, just come down to our studio in the sewers.

I'm not going to a second location with you, sir. Just come up. No. Howdy, Nadpoles. Caldwell here. You know that feeling you get when you discover a new binge-worthy show or a hit song that you bump on repeat that's so good you just have to share it with your friends so they can experience it too?

Well, I don't, because all the media I consume is either video games that came out 10 years ago or sci-fi books that came out 30 years ago. Regardless, I do still share my discoveries with my friends because that's what you do when you have a hyperfixation. You yap about it in your group chat. And folks, that's exactly what it feels like when you discover that Mint Mobile offers premium wireless for $15 a month when you purchase a three-month plan. It's such an awesome deal that there is simply no way you can keep it to

yourself. All Mint Mobile plans come with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. You can also use your phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all your existing contacts. Man, reading that copy makes me feel exactly like I did when I read all six of the books in the Dune series. I simply can't help but tell people about it. And I also can't help but tell people this. If you're ready to get this new customer offer and your new three-month premium wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to MintMobile.com slash PawPaw.

That's MintMobile.com slash PawPaw. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at MintMobile.com slash pop-off. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at MintMobile.com slash pop-off. $45 upfront payment required, equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See MintMobile for details. Jake, do you have another one? taxes, fees and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details.

Jake, do you have another one? Yes, I do. This one's from Ava. Ava writes, you have been sent to prison due to some serious real life crimes. Money laundering for an M&M's. Yeah, exactly. So M&M's. You shouldn't have gone to that second location.

It was a sting. You go there, they instantly scan the a hundred dollar bill with one of those like infrared things. It's absolutely counterfeit. Fucking cuffs in the self checkout. Upon your arrival at jail, they say you can serve the full two years in jail or you can leave once you've finished completely eating

a wooden door. Oh my God. The door is about an inch thick oak wood. No hardware, just wood. There is a hole where the knob used to be. So, you know, it's a door. Oh, damn it. You'll get regular utensils and you can spend as much time working on consuming the door as you would like.

Once you pick a path, you cannot change your mind. What do you do? Great one. Okay, so wait, so you're not like trapped in a room or anything, you just have to eat a door for your whole life? So you're gonna eat a little bit every day. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right, I'm eating this door. I'm eating this door. I'm telling you my strategy right here. But what if you get intestinal splinters? Yeah, you would, and you would, but I think, here's what, just being gone for two years is a long fucking time. Here's my strategy for the door. I was just gonna say two years isn't that long.

You think you can eat the door in sub two years? Wait, it has to be in two years? Is that as long as you want? No, no, no, as soon as you are finished with the door, yeah, if you finish the door, you're out of jail. But you're in jail while you're finishing the door. Oh, you're in jail while you finish it? Fuck that.

Yeah, you can like shave off your sentence literally by eating the door, or you in jail while you're finishing the door. Oh, you're in jail while you finish it? Yeah, yeah. Fuck that. Yeah, you can like shave off your sentence literally by eating the door or you're like- Right, your sentence is either two years long or as long as it takes you to eat a door. My feeling is I gotta see what the social scene is. How bad do I need to get out of here? Can I use a blender?

Oh! That's great. Just regular utensils. Just regular, okay. Okay, then fuck that. Yeah, I think there's no way you can eat a door. I don't think I could. Yeah, there's no seasoning either.

Well, you could probably like ground it into sawdust. With some teriyaki. You could pulp it maybe with water. I mean, how? You could slowly pulp it. How many shots of sawdust to eat a door? Right. Cause you could probably,

you could down a shot of sawdust, but you're not gonna eat that in two years, like 300. And you have to shave it into sawdust with like your, your knife, your fork and knife. You'd have to scrape. Yeah, that sucks ass. If I have access to a blender and can throw some water in there

and you just have like a glass of sawdust every day. Nah. I might just use two years to like read and try to get in shape. And then like, I'll get out and I'll be a better person versus getting out in like a year and a half with wood poison. Yeah, that's the problem, right?

If it's just like, if I can go on living my life, but I have to eat a door or something bad happens, I would do that. But the fact that you're gonna be in prison anyway, you can't eat a door in any amount of time that actually shaves off your prison sentence. Okay guys, something interesting to consider. Smoking and flavoring.

Sawdust is commonly used in the food industry for smoking and flavoring purposes. Wood chips or sawdust from different species of trees such as apple, cherry, and hickory are often used to add a smoky flavor to food. Right, that's definitely fine, which is why if you just had to eat a door in a given amount of time, then that would be fine

because you could just sprinkle it on stuff. But once it's like you're in prison- You're in your prison cell with your door. Then there's no reason to do that. Okay, okay. I think I like basically I'm like, okay, I'm gonna try to just like lay low and see if I can get through this.

I have a terrible day and then I take one bite of door and then I realize I can't do it. I don't think I could physically do it. Like 365 bites of door, if you're biting your door every day, I feel like that's only getting you a quarter of the way through. Yeah, I don't even know that you,

yeah, you don't even eat the door in a year. That's why I'm not, yeah. You get so sick and hurt and I think it kills you you don't even eat the door in a year. That's why I'm not, yeah. You get so sick, you get so sick and hurt. And I think it kills you if you try to eat the door too fast. Her eat the door is such a weird thing to say. Teeth on wood is like the grossest thing in the world to me. Yeah, you have to shave it down.

You just have to eat. Eating a popsicle stick every day? You have to eat sawdust. But even just like taking in a bunch of sawdust like isn't good for you, like breathing in. No way. So like, yes, if you're just like over 10 years eating a door in the background while living your life, then it's worth it.

To avoid prison. To avoid prison is worth it to eat the door. If you're in a prison anyway, shoveling wood into your mouth, that's just prison but worse. Do you guys think that you try once though? No, once you make your choice, you can't go back. Oh, really?

Yeah, okay. Yeah, I'm not eating this door. Then I think I probably just have to not go for it. You're just in prison. There's no upside to the eating the door thing. How serrated is my knife? Is it like a really good quality steak knife? Beyond a butter knife, but it's not a steak knife.

It's serrated, but it's not sharp. Hear me out on this hack though. All right, because like if I'm in prison, there is like, you know, usually like a little economy there. Like I can buy cigarettes. So like I would have access to a lighter. Can I like carve a little piece of the door every day,

burn it down into charcoal. Charcoal is good for the body. It activates and like oxidizes. So you just like burn it into a charcoal dust powder. You mix it in with your smoothie. That's fine, but you're not consuming enough of the door for you to get any time back. Yeah.

Yeah, I was gonna say, I think this method possibly keeps you in for longer. If I'm having a small bonfire every day, my allotted bonfire, I still, you know, come on. I do think at a certain, if you are shaving it down where you are eating the dust, that I think still counts. If you're burning it down where you are eating the dust, that I think still counts. If you're burning it away so it turns to vapor

that you're not like consuming, then I think you're cheating. I think that seems to be you eating it. I think I just straight up know I couldn't physically do this. So I think I can't take this deal. If it is to consume the door, then I think Caldwell is onto something

that you just huff door fumes. Right. Like you just build, although if I hot box it, you know, I've got like a- If you're in fucking prison, they're not gonna let you make a bonfire. What if I'm like, what if I have really good behavior and they're like, okay, you can have one bonfire.

You can huff wood. Or you can have a little computer time, you can have a little huffing. I don't know about the door deal. Yeah, if they allow you to tackle the door deal. Yeah. Yeah, if it's just consume a door, I'll huff a door. I don't know about the door deal. Yeah, if they allow you to tackle the door deal. Yeah. Yeah, if it's just consumador, I'll huff a fricking door. Mm-hmm.

I'd huff a door. You could smoke a door, maybe. Yeah. How bad would that be for you to huff a door? It would not be great. I think it would take years. It'd be bad for you for sure. It would take more than two years off your life, right?

You think so? Yeah, true. Oh, that's a good thing. Yeah, good call. I believe in myself that I could do this in two years, but I, right? You think so? Yeah, true. Oh, that's a good thing. Yeah, good call. I believe in myself that I could do this in two years, but I think it would fucking ruin me. So I'm not gonna take the deal. Yeah, but why would you do,

but if you did it in two years, you would have just eaten a door while in prison for two years. So why not just go to prison for two years? It's gotta be like six months or less that really makes it worth it. I looked it up, it's not safe to huff a door. Okay, yeah, so then we don't even wanna huff a door.

What were your search terms? Is safe to huff a door. Right. Hey, try listening to the doors instead. Yeah, what happens if you inhale a bunch of wood dust? Would maybe be like where you'd get like a- I feel like anytime you say safe to huff anything, it's not.

Yeah. What happens if you inhale wood dust? Inhaling wood dust in the lungs can cause breathing problems and lead to lung diseases. No, we don't want that. Well, that's why whenever you see a construction site, all of the people working there are just sawing the wood and then just going, oh yeah, baby.

I think you'd have to chop it up and dice it up so it was like a coleslaw. Right. Like hiccum up. Chop it up and wet it up. Like little hiccum strips. It would have to be wet. An apple peeler.

You'd have to wet the door. An apple peeler to wet the door. Maybe you could work in the... Wet the shavings. That's right though. It's better to have it wet. Yeah. Wet the door.

You might be able to have one of your jobs be in the kitchen. In the potato peeling. In which case you could get a little bit of, yeah you could maybe access to a potato peeler. That still would take so fucking long. Okay, well here's the thing, they make newspapers from trees every day.

If you have like access to enough water, you shave it down thin, you're pulping the strips, and then you're just eating one newspaper every day. No problem. That would be so bad. I think I'd rather just be in prison than to be in prison and eating one newspaper like every other day.

Yeah. I just think that time-wise- The whole thing is that the fact that you're going to prison anyway, makes everything else move. It's just, I'm not gonna try to eat the door to get off. I'm not going to fill my lungs with wood to shave three months off my sentence. But like also, it's also like when I get out, I need to be in peak physical form to get my revenge on the yellow M&M for making me complicit in money laundering.

In this situation, I see it as being the yellow M&M says his shtick, gives you the hundred dollars. You go in, they're like, this is a fraudulent $100 bill. And you go like, no, no, no, I know this is wild, but the yellow M&M gave it to me. You go outside and the yellow M&M is gone. Yeah. So it's like, I need those two years to be doing pushups. Right.

Be preparing my revenge on the yellow M&M. You need to karate chop right into that almond. That's the only way. Yeah, because I'm pretty sure he not only left town, he skipped country. Yeah. And I'm going to be traveling all over the world trying to find way. Yeah, because I'm pretty sure he not only left town, he skipped country. Yeah. And I'm going to be traveling all over the world trying to find him. Yes. Eminem's float.

Like he doesn't need to take a boat. I'm trying to make sure that he doesn't do this to other people. True. True. So like I've got stuff to do. I can't be polluting my body with a door. Yeah, I'm not eating a fucking door. Yeah.

Jake had the right of it when he said, if it takes you more than six months, it's to be worth it. Because you're just commuting like a little bit of your sentence and you've eaten a fucking door. Like that will kill you. There's better ways to spend your time. I mean, if it was a cupboard door, maybe we'd be having a conversation.

No doubt. Yeah, easy. Oh sure. Definitely not easy. Oh yeah. Easy. Well, you turn it into slaw. I mean, that's really, sure. That's not easy. Oh yeah. Easy. Well, you turn it into slaw. I mean, that's really nice.

A cupboard door slaw. A cupboard door is- I might do that, just for free. That'll take you a couple months. That'll take you a couple months to do it safely. Cabinet slaw. Yeah, cabinet slaw. Yeah, some wooden croutons in yourself.

Some wet cabinet slaw in your mouth. Okay, great. Oh, and think about it. Your teeth are gonna be so strong that when you get out of prison, you can just bite right into that almond to destroy this M&M. Oh, that's great. Yeah. Did you know that when an M&M goes in water, the little M slides off because it's made of like a different material than the candy coating. What the fuck? Yeah. If

you like let it float in water, eventually the M will just slide away. I don't feel good about that. No, the M is cyanide. What? It's just a little bit of cyanide. It's just enough cyanide to make you feel good. Yeah, you're only allowed to have 3000 M&Ms in your lifetime.

It's satire, not real, not just real. Okay, okay. All right, it's my turn. We wound back around to the M&M. Y'all want another one? Yes. Yes. Okay, you're on your way to a magic the gathering night and decide to stop at Trader Joe's

for some snacks and drinks. Wow. Nice. I'm just that kind of person. It's so thoughtful, you know. You pull a bag of chili lime rolled tortilla chips from the shelf. And to your surprise, you see a small impish creature hiding behind it.

Oh my God. The creature is wearing a brown cloak and can only be described as Yoda but painted blue. Olives I must have grunts the creature. You're almost. Olives I must have. Oh, he needs olives. Okay. You're almost certain this is an animatronic, but when the monster grabs your hand, it feels scaly and warm. I prefer it continues, the color matters not. A puppet with a warm hand is terrifying. That's the most terrifying detail we've had so far. So far, no matter what, I'm giving this thing an olive.

Yeah, me too, for sure. Because if it isn't animatronic, then Trader Joe's fucking put it here. So it's fine if I steal olives from Trader Joe's. It is true that they, sometimes for kids, will have a little mascot up on the rafters in the store for kids to find. So this could just be, you know what?

Maybe Trader Joe's is building in a morality system. Yeah, I could talk my way out of this. I could be like, I was going to buy the olives. I got it for this little fucking guy. He's part of the store. Right. Don't let you eat a grape as you're walking around the store. It's not a big issue.

Yeah. Who's true to hell with that, dude? Really? Not too different. It's definitely rude, but no one's going to attack me. Trader Joe's doesn't have an olive bar. You can't get like a loose olive. You're gonna have to like crack them open in the store.

I feel like people are gonna look at that. Yeah, people will look at it, but I think you can crack one. Look, it's totally bad form, but if Yoda needs an olive. Yeah. Well, hold on, let's continue. Yeah, let's hear the rest of it. Okay. You shake your hand free and go to ask an employee

about the Yoda on the shelf. When you do, they frown and in a dead serious voice say, I don't know who Yoda is, but if I were you, I'd get that thing whatever he wants. Whoa. The other customers in the store are equally withholding, but at one point you do see a woman handing a single olive to the withered blue creature. However, before you can see if she receives anything in return, she notices you and quickly turns your back to block your view. You look at your phone and realize you're going to be late for game night if you don't hurry.

What do you do? Okay, well, magic the gathering, you can always join in the next game. True. Okay. You can always start something with the person who gets eliminated first. I think that woman doesn't get a chance to feed him because I'm just so quickly like, yeah, I'm already on game. As soon as I see a little monster and asking for'm just so quickly like, yeah, let's get you an olive.

Let's get you an olive. Yeah, as soon as I see a little monster and asking for something, I'm like, unless you want me to like kill somebody or something. It's just asking for a fucking olive. I'm probably in. I'll probably even buy the olives after that. If I'm late and this thing's already getting an olive

from somebody else, I feel like I'm just like. But magic is real, Jake. Yeah. Yeah, but I'm just like, oh, that thing is satiated. It doesn't need me. I have somewhere to go. I definitely. You don't want to be friends with blue Yoda?

I don't know why I'm there for the yellow M&M, not Yoda. For some reason, something about this exchange is rubbing me the wrong way. He has a warm little hand, Jake. He reached out to you with a warm hand. Jake, some of these, I feel like there's like a life or death stakes to them. And this one, I thought it'd be fun if it was just like,

do you want to feed this blue Yoda or not? It's a pretty simple question. Definitely feed it. And I guess I'm an asshole, cause I feel like I want to be on time to game night. If I fucking hissed at me, if he like hissed at me, and like snapped at me and said like, give me an olive, or I'll kill you or kill you I will.

He might. Yeah, if he did that, I wouldn't be like, no. And then I'd go up to the employee and I'd be like, your little mascot is rude. But since he was nice, I mean, he wasn't nice. He just like asked, he just like made his needs known hiding behind the chips. See my thought when thinking about this question,

when immersing myself in this world was that like, I do think that maybe Trader Joe's has implemented some sort of morality system where there are like hidden objectives now within the Trader Joe's. So I think that like, if you don't give this bloat, this blue Yoda, the olive that it needs, it's gonna like, you're gonna have to pay more. I think that like to get like the employee discount

or like, you know, to get like the Trader Joe's club discount, you gotta help the young. I'm going to stop and shop. I'm not signing onto their moral code thing. I think from my experience with stray cats, any little creature that comes up to me with imploring eyes, let alone imploring words, I'm like, yeah, let's get you fed.

Yeah. Let's get you fed. It's super reasonable. It's very sweet. This is much more reason. I mean, the M&M scares me. I mean, obviously, I get scared seeing blue Yoda, like it just in the grocery store. Yeah. But the M&M is way scarier because the M&M is huge is trying to take you to second location. Yeah. This is has a crisp hundred dollar bill. Where the fuck did M&Ms get money? Calling M&M's eggs way scarier situation where I'm way more on edge.

As soon as I accept, I'm like, okay, magic is real and Yoda is blue. Right. Does that give you pause though? The fact that Yoda's blue in this situation. It's definitely strange. But I honestly don't know Star Wars well enough to be like, blue Yoda.

I probably just say Yoda, are you real? But do you think that like, is Trader Joe's, is Yoda here? Clearly he's not here against his will. Trader Joda, that's who, that's who Yoda is. Yeah, so I'm like, if I'm being pranked, if I'm being pranked, this is incredible special effects. Yeah. I wanna see this out.

I wanna see the full range of things that this animatronic blue Yoda can do. And also, are they doing a Yoshi's Island, but for Yoda, where there are a bunch of different color Yodas, in which case I would like to be involved. Yeah, it's true. I tried to make this a little more sinister, but this one's just kind of fun all the way down. Yeah. If anything, I'm gaping my tote bag, seeing if it'll jump inside and come and get a game night. What do you do just to like tack on a little more of like just a little extra wrinkle on this one?

What if you like you give the Yoda the olive and he just fucking bites your hand? He just chomps down on it. Then I leave. Then at that point I just, I pull my hand back and I exit the store. Yeah, I think I wordlessly exit the store. My experience with again, stray cats is that they can

abuse me all they want and I will continue to feed them. Damn. So I'll probably I probably just like am hurt, but then like respond maybe with neutrality and coldness and walk away. See, that's great. That's very kind. I think I am more aligned with Jake where like I ignore it, then go home and just type in Trader Joe's. Is it Joda? Blue Yoda. Blue Yoda, comma.

Is Trader Joda real? It would be really funny if there was just like two posts completely unanswered. I'm just imagining trying to sneak a picture of blue Yoda until he doesn't see me. Oh yeah. So I like, I think I go get the olives and then I'm trying to like low key take a video. Well you need to do a distracting flash first. Yeah true.

Yeah, that's a good idea. All right. All right, great. Okay, solved. We have one more from Rebecca H. Rebecca writes, you're washing your hands at a rest stop when your wedding ring somehow falls down the sink drain. Uh-oh. Oh no.

Yeah. You run to the manager and he's dressed in a Mario costume from the live action Mario. Okay. Okay. Hell, the costume is so realistic. You could be the real Italian plumber. Oh. Hell.

Mario starts unscrewing the S-pipe to try to get your ring when you were both sucked down the pipe and transported to a magic mushroom. What? Here we go. This is fun. The manager becomes fully animated

and voiced by Chris Pratt, while you are still you. The mushroom kingdom is a paradise. Cute toad people, a pretty princess, easily defeated Koopas for you to pwn, and a shit ton of gold that you think you might actually be able to take home with you. However, you don't know if time passes differently between Earth and whatever dimension you find yourself in. When you ask Mario, he simply says,

how the hell should I know? That's that sassy Mario from the movie for sure. Do you A, go on an epic journey through the magical realm to find your ring before trying to return home? B, forget the ring and immediately try to return home? Or C, settle in the mushroom kingdom? Or D, something else? I would love to say that it would even occur to me

to worry about the passing of time. I don't think it does. Yeah, I'm definitely on Zillow the moment I get there. Just like absolutely check. Cause like these like mushroom bungalows, are you kidding me? Yeah. Like it's, and also like if the pipe is like centrally

located for like public transit purposes, and I can just like get back to my job to record here while also like commuting for the mushroom kingdom. I think you got time to do one adventure. Yeah. Yeah. I don you got time to do one adventure. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think the time different, like the passage of time wouldn't occur to me.

But if for some reason it came up and there was confusion, then I think maybe I would think about it a lot. Yeah, exactly. If Mario was like, boy, I hope a second here isn't a year out there. I would be like, wait, what? Right? I definitely don't want-

It'd be so sad if I was just like eating magical mushrooms and I came home with a bunch of gold and I found out that Jill had died 200 years ago. Yeah, I know. That's what I, I think the second it came up and Mario was like, ha ha, boy, I hope the time doesn't move differently here. I'd be like, let's get back to find out,

because it feels like we could just come back down here. Right? It's just that scene in Interstellar, but I'm sadly munching on a mushroom. Oh. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, you could just take the risk of being like, I'll try to jump out and then come back down.

Yeah. Because it is true, like, I would love to just kill one of the Koopalings, just one. Maybe Iggy. Whoa. Yeah, you just run out and just beat the shit out of Iggy Koopal and jump back up. And like get a medal from Princess Peach for doing so. That's a great day.

And then, yeah, maybe, hopefully, not too much time has passed, but we'll see. Yeah, and if everyone I know and loved is dead, it was worth it. Wow. Then I guess I start over. Yeah, I guess I think I would like start the adventure and then if it was like a really arduous adventure

and it seemed like it was gonna take a really long time and I kept thinking about this time thing, I might be like, Mario, I might bounce. I might go back just in case like 10 years have passed. I don't want like 10 more to pass. I might just check in on some things back on earth. I think that it would drive you nuts thinking about time passing by in the real world

while you're going, but it would also drive you nuts if you got to the mushroom kingdom, instantly went back to earth and then everything was fine, but then the mushroom kingdom was gone, you could never go back, that would suck. Right. So I think you do need to, I think you gotta do your adventure.

I think you gotta go on an adventure, try to get your ring back. I mean, you have to, this is Narnia rules, right? Yeah, Narnia is the opposite. Narnia is you can live like a whole lifetime and it's like an hour. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Oh yeah, that's great.

Yeah. You have to like ask everyone you meet. Narnia is spoilers. Yeah, they become like kings and queens and then they go back and they're just like kids again. Yeah. But aren't they like, do their bodies become kids again? Yeah. And they have the memories of the time they spent there.

Oh, but they kind of forget it. They forget it over time. They forget it pretty quickly. They like sort of remember it. Wow, spoilers for the Dawn Treader. Yeah. Holy shit. Yeah. That's trippy Treader. Yeah. Holy shit. Yeah.

That's trippy shit. Yeah. The lion is Jesus. It's true. I think I have heard that there's a heavy handed allegory in there. Interesting. I read it when I was a kid and I like those children

don't remember any of it. Yeah. Maybe you went to Narnia, Jake. Maybe it was a metaphor for reading the book. Yeah. It's different than the lion, the witch and the wardrobe or it's the same thing. No, it's the same. I mean, it's one of the book. Yeah, it's different than the line, the witch and the wardrobe or it's the same thing. I mean, it's one of the books.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the food situation like? Let's be honest. That's tough because like you can eat the mushrooms. Maybe there are some you can eat. They don't look the most tempting. Yeah. I don't know.

When Mario takes like a big bite out of him when he's like 3D Mario, they look pretty good. Really? I haven't seen that. Yeah, and he doesn't, he never like trips on the mushrooms. So I think the mushrooms are like, they look pretty filling. Oh, just nutritious. And also you could become a cat.

There's one of the mushrooms that'll turn you into cats. That's fun. Oh, that's fun. And you can climb up walls and stuff. I think I honestly do it until I need a proper snack. I think most magical worlds are trying to think of how the rules are, but usually, with the exception of like interstellar,

which wasn't like this. If you don't go through a black hole, you're fine. So like when you're going through the tube, when you're going through that like transparent magic pipe, just make sure there are no collapsing stars. Then you're good. Most fantasy worlds, things are the same or no time has passed.

Like those worlds, like, you know, there needs to be some kind of like plausible reason for people to have like missed you. Because they needs to be some kind of plausible reason. Yeah. Right. Cause they need to be the escape from the main thing. Yeah. Cause you're going to have woken up and they're going to be like, Hey, you like knocked your head on the side of the

toilet and then passed out. You were passed out for 10 minutes. You almost drowned in the toilet water. Okay. Okay. You know, you had a secret adventure. I think I would convince myself of this really quick. I'd be like, okay, yeah.

Lion witch in the wardrobe, over the garden wall. I would just like start going of this really quick. I'd be like, okay, yeah, Lion Witch in the wardrobe, over the garden wall. I would just like start going through all this stuff and I'd be like, yeah, it's generally like, you go on like a long adventure and it's only been a day. I think I'm cool. I would hash this out with Mario.

Yeah. What if Mario keeps bringing up Interstellar? Did you just see Interstellar? Why are you obsessed with that movie? It was pretty good, but it came out like 10 years ago. I'm just worried we're gonna get stuck behind the bookshelf. I just love him.

I'm just curious why you keep bringing it up Mario. Like do you, what about other fantasy stuff? What makes you so sure it's gonna be interstellar rules? You could sit down to watch Tenet with Mario and like 300 years could pass on earth and you wouldn't even know. Oh my God. Look, if it's that, if the timing is that ridiculous, then like the seconds you've spent already,

you're already fucked. Yeah, you're right. If it's that wild where it's like 10 years every minute that you've already, every second is, yeah. And already the world's gonna be so different when you go back. Right, yeah. As soon as you're there, it's either gonna be fine or worst case scenario is already happening.

True. Yeah. Yeah, cause you're gonna stay and think, you're gonna look around at the mushroom kingdom. You're gonna spend half an hour there. There's no way you show up and are instantly like, oh no, time might be passing. No, you know. And jump back up the pipe.

I'm killing a wiggler as soon as I can. Yeah, of course. I think we've proved that we'll all be very sensible if we're ever in an is a lie. Yeah. The only remaining wrinkle here, and this is very important, is that you have to make sure you do not bring up

your family back home. Because as soon as you do that, you are marked. Because Mario is clearly the main character here, and you're just marked for noble sacrifice as soon as you're like, man, I can't wait to get home to my family. But I feel like- You just can't bring it up.

Well, the whole thing is about your wedding. Yeah, my ring. Oh no. I do think that, look, if magical worlds are real, I do feel like there would be some logic to the story here. I do imagine, I'm just like, okay, magic is real. I'm in a storybook. If I find my ring and at the end of all of this,

it's 300 years later, I guess that'd be a good story. I guess then it would be really tragic. Yeah. Okay. All right, yeah. No, that does nothing for me. Wow. Oh, Bowser's would be really tragic. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. All right. Yeah. No, that does nothing for me. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Oh, Bowser's using your ring to try and marry Peach.

It's really tight. It's actually really tight. Yeah. You gotta, you gotta commit to this narrative. I think I just commit to the narrative and going through all the fantasy tropes I know. I'm most likely actually passed out head down in a toilet. Right. Yeah. That's what I think has happened.

And you want to come to with the wedding ring, not without it. So you have to go on the adventure. Yeah. With the wedding ring in your mouth. Yeah. That's what I think has happened. And you want to come to with the wedding ring, not without it. So you have to go on the adventure. Yeah. With the wedding ring in your mouth. Yeah. Like how did that get there? I guess everything I just lived was real. Did I actually go?

Yeah. The question at the end of the film is, did Murph stick his head into the toilet and almost drown getting his wedding ring out with his mouth or did he go on an adventure with Mario? We don't know. Right. You awake, yeah. 400 years later on a revolving space station,

your ancient daughter, who is now 10 times older than you, holds your hand, shoves one last mushroom in your mouth. Wow. Beautiful. It's a me. I was your ghost, Murph. What? Then I go back to the Mushroom Kingdom. All right, solved.

We figured it out. Everyone's going on the adventure, right? Nobody's turning around right away. Yeah, I need to. We do one adventure and then we go home. I don't think I'm renting an apartment in Mushroom Kingdom. We go home and we bury Luigi, who has aged horribly in the meantime.

Aw, Luigi. Yeah, we forgot about Luigi. He's dead. Luigi is dead. Oh, I would think he would just be in the Mushroom Kingdom. No. No, he's died. Okay.

Yeah. We had to like nudge the bookshelf so that Luigi would figure out how to like, you know, figure out space travel. It's all- Oh, so it is interstellar. It's interstellar. Super Mario Galaxy interstellar.

So that's why Mario keeps bringing it up. Okay, yeah. That's why. So he knows it's interstellar. He knows. Yeah. Yeah, this is like that other Chris Pratt movie where he's on the spaceship. He like knows him all the time.

Oh, the passenger. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, it's a really weird movie. We're getting confused with all this stuff. Anyway, let's go ahead and wrap this one up. Thank you all so much for all of your submissions. Thank you to Caldwell for all the great surprise round. Any time.

I'll be doing more of them over on the short rest over on patreon.com slash nadpod that's N-E-D-D-P-O-D don't sing yet. Woop ba ba ba ba. Caldwell's got a fun rolling mechanic one where we could do kind of like a mad lib surprise round. Yeah. I'm sure we'll see some of our favorite characters.

In the meantime, you could follow us on social media that we may or may not use, aschewsvme at Caldwell, at yachtersemily and at Jake Roberts as Jake. And you you tweet about the show using hashtag and ad pod that's any DD pod And now it's time to thank our benevolent council of elders. They are Brad D, Jeffrey S, Lord of the Fjord, Happy 10, Axe Murph, Hell yeah, later, McSkater, Matt M, Cutter W, Jeff Z, Daniel G, Danielle, the dastardly dame, Beardman Dan, Danny P, Carpe Liam, Bryant, Griller of Fine Burg burgers, Victor T, Balnor's boy,

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