Not Another D&D Podcast - Surprise Round! - Oops! All Uncles Edition

Episode Date: June 14, 2024

Welcome to Surprise Round! A show inspired by our love of unhinged hypotheticals. Join Discussion Master Murphy as he flies the crew FIRST CLASS into a series of wild scenarios that may or MAY NOT feature the Grinch.CREDITS:Sound Mixing and Editing by Trevor LyonSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Welcome to Surprise Round, everybody. Oh! Everyone's so surprised. Oh, fuck, Murph. I was frightened. Getting palpitations. Yeah, whoa, making it a little too real, Caldwell Tanner. I'm just gonna drink my fourth coffee of the day,

I'm fine, don't worry about it. Brian Murphy joined by Emily Axford, Jay Kerowitz in the after mentioned, very scared, Caldwell Tanner. I'm skittery. Yeah. I'm scared too. This is Surprise Round.

Yeah. It's very tenuously connected to D&D. If this is your first time listening to it, essentially I provide a scenario for my quote unquote players here and they tell me how they would handle the situation. A lot of times the Grinch pops up, may or may not happen today.

We kind of don't know. It's actually tenuously connected to our relationship though, because you startle me all the time. Hmm. Oh yeah. There are a lot of startle stories. Literally walking around the house will scare Emily. Just shocking every time.

And we'll just have headphones and listen to a podcast and I'll just like go into our bedroom to like get a pair of socks. We'll be like, oh, Murph, the problem is you loom. You're a loomer. Yeah, really? I'm a skull-draining loomer. Okay, loomer.

Okay, okay, loomer. Okay, loomer. You darken doorways, man. All right, all right, Loomers, everyone stop. Ready? I'm gonna get us into it. This is pretty serious stuff. Yeah, yeah.

Grinch might not even come up, who knows? Okay. Okay. You are at Universal Studios Orlando. All right. Orlando. Okay, but the Grinch is definitely gonna show up here. We don't know. You look at me as if you're,

this is gonna be the one that you don't put the Grinch in. We literally don't know. We don't know. I hate this Schrodinger's Grinch. We don't know, okay? I have to restart, cause you keep interrupting me. The Grinch is also always looming. You are at Universal Studios Orlando

about to ride the Velocicoaster waiting in line. Fuck yeah. As you approach the front, you get a peek of the coaster and see something. No. Right after the car passes, you see a man in the Grinch costume, or hell, it's so realistic. It could be the Grinch himself. He said it. He set the line. He jumps onto the

track and begins messing with it. No. He has tools that are functional but are also cartoony enough to possibly be a gimmick. How how Susie into these tools? Think rubber mallet. Oh god. You can't tell how much he's actually affecting the integrity of the coaster track, but you see he's really wailing on it and you're the only person who sees it. As the next train approaches, the Grinch jumps down and hides in some nearby shrubbery. The track does not collapse as the next train

passes. You do know there is a Grinch at Universal Studios, but he should not be in the Jurassic area. When you bring up that you saw the Grinch to any of the employees, they scoff and say, this ain't Whoville. You've been waiting an hour. They all say the same line. They all say the same line, they're saying Whoville.

They're just like laughing and they're like, are you in the baby area for babies? Seussville, come on now. You've been waiting an hour and a half. Do you still get on the coaster? Yes. Yeah, I think for sure. I mean, first off, like this is hard for me because I wouldn't ride the roller coaster.

But you're imagining yourself as somebody who would want to ride it. But imagining, yeah, because when we went to Universal Orlando, the Grinch is there to fuck with people. The Grinch who hangs out there, I remember my friend was so excited to get roasted by the Grinch, he couldn't successfully do it

because she was having too much fun. She was too excited, yeah. But I guess my thing is- An anti-Grinch. So in this scenario, right, the Grinch is not really Grinching it up, he's not performing for a crowd, only you see him. It's still? The Grinch is not really grinching it up. He's not performing for a crowd. Only you see him.

So you could just meet this rough employee. It's still cheeky Grinch behavior, which is what I've come to expect at Universal Studios. What rubs me the wrong way is the employee's reaction. Well, I think the employee's reaction is like rubbing me the right way. That is combing my beautiful green fur. I think something fishy is afoot.

It's a miss. When they're all towing a line, they're not off message. I'm like, something is up here. But when they're towing the line, it seems like, oh, okay, so the Grinch does this. This is part of the app. But when you saw that though, wouldn't you be like, how could they let a man stand on the tracks?

Like, trains are whizzing by, this dude gets on, starts fucking with the tracks and then skitters away when it's done. See, the thing about Universal Studios, the thing about all of these theme parks is they are chasing immersion that is like the game these days. So like what they want is for you to truly believe

that the Grinch is there and the Grinch is there to Grinch it up big time. And like, you know, we live in a multiverse era. Like what's to say that they're not like building this into some future Grinch film where he is wrenching it up in other properties? Don't they have the Marvel characters? Yeah, yes. I have a couple. Yeah. When is the Grinch gonna be a bad guy for Thor? Oh, Grinch and

Loki team up. You kidding me? I think the rights to Marvel movies is so strange because I believe they have, I believe Universal Studios has the rights to like the shitty Sony movies, like, or no, they're not shitty. God, I don't want to start anything. Jesus Christ.

Everything's fine. All superhero movies are fine. Please fucking leave me alone. For the love of God, leave me alone. They have like the older movies that didn't make as big of a splash and ended up getting remade. You're going to see a lot of Silver Surfer there. Yes, exactly.

Silver Surfer is awesome. Silver Surfer is definitely awesome. OK, so I also think I still would have done it, but not because I think it's immersion, just because I think that I must've seen something or that if everyone else is cool with this for some reason, I guess I'm- The Grinch in Universal Studios

can do pretty much anything and I'll say, ah, this is scripted. Okay. I didn't think it was gonna be this easy. Jake, where are you at? Cause I'm like mostly, mostly think I'm probably just gonna write it. I can be peer pressured into almost anything.

On the one hand, if I've waited an hour and a half, I've already experienced a death of my soul. So I'm just gonna go whole hog and ride the coaster. And I also, when we were at Universal Studios, I think we maybe arguably did something more dangerous. It was raining so much that they were sometimes shutting the coasters down and then reopening just when it stopped enough

Yeah, I feel like if I was like riding the coaster right on the edge of it being too dangerous to ride I've already risked my life at Universal a better chance of getting hit by lightning than the Grinch causing a derail Yeah, I also think every time I'm about to ride a roller coaster. I'm always like, well, they're not gonna let me die, right? Yeah. That there would be a lawsuit. Look at how many people I'm online with. Are they're gonna let all of us die? That's the funniest thing to say to the operator.

She's like, you're not gonna let me die, are you? Yeah, I'm like, I always look like, the most scared I am is when I'm on a roller coaster with only like one other person, cause I'm like, oh no, we're gonna die. This is gonna be such a chance. When there like one other person. Cause I'm like, Oh no, we're going to die. This is such a chance. When there's a whole roller coaster, I'm like, Oh God. Just two wrongful deaths.

They could, Disney could play this. They need to shut this roller coaster down and they need an excuse. Actually, I do that on a flight. Sometimes I'll look at somebody and be like, there's no way that guy's dying. Yeah. I'm all right.

You always feel like a beautiful baby. And you're like, you're, you're safe. You're fine. This ride's good. So I'm all right. It's true. You always feel like a beautiful baby and you're like, you're safe. You're fine. His flight's good. You've blessed our flight. Thank you. This is why I always make sure I'm flying with a celebrity.

Okay. Yes. All celebrities are good. But one of them good ones. Yeah. Yeah, okay, so. That's what the flight attendant'd say. Don't worry sir, that's one of the good celebrities.

So we are slam dunk right away. We will let the Grinch tinker with the track and we're all fine with that. Even though he's being shady as fuck and not being funny about it. No, but the fact that the employees are saying like, this isn't Whoville, that's the tell for me. That's them being like, they're clued in

that this is part of the meta narrative. Okay. Does this change for anyone if you swap to a different theme park, suddenly it's at Disney? Oh, and the Grinch is there? That is way more off-brand. Well, no, then I think it could be a theme park collab. Oh, you think this is how they introduce it

is by having the Grinch mess with Thunder Mountain Railroad? But what if, though, one of the employees, when you see it, instead of the employees being chill about employees, when you see it, instead of the employees being chill about it, when you see the Grinch tinkering with Thunder Mountain Railroad, and then you see from a distance an employee be like, get out of here, scram, and spray a spray bottle.

No, that's right back in the narrative territory for me. That's fine, that's also fine. If they're spraying it with a spray bottle, then I'm like, they deal with this, they've handled it, it's fine. That rubber mallet could have done too much damage. Yeah, they saw it. What if you see them get cuffed and let away?

Then I'm like, why are you not shutting down the... How silly are the cuffs? Very serious. It's so real. There's nothing campy. It's so fucking real. There's nothing campy. In fact, the Grinch has such a subdued response that it's so real. There's nothing campy. It's so fucking real. I would say. In fact, the Grinch has such a subdued response

that it's unsettling. Yeah. I think I need to see him get tased. I do think things are a little different if the Grinch has a wrench instead of a mallet. I feel like you do a lot more damage with a wrench on a roller coaster. Yeah, Grinch with a wrench. Yeah, Grinch with a wrench.

Maybe I'm wrong. Okay, so I think we're all riding the Velocicoaster. We're all slam dunk. We're all riding the Velocicoaster, even though it's been tampered with. So what happened, what was the correct answer? Were we right, did we die? We all died. What, but there was a beautiful baby on the Velocicoaster.

No, they're not allowed to ride. They're not allowed to ride. The only beautiful babies there are the Velociraptors. Yeah, you can't use plain logic on the Velocicoasters for adults only. Okay, ready? So this one, let's go ahead and read it. You get the power to rewind time by one hour.

Whoa, okay this is like a tower defense game I play. It's like rules, yeah. Sure, you can only use this power once a year. The catch, Crash Bandicoot is real and will kick your ass randomly once a year. It doesn't matter what you're doing. It doesn't matter where you are. You cannot hide from Crash and he will fucking pummel you.

Crash stops short of actually injuring you enough to require a hospital visit, but you are fucked up. Black eyes, sore bones, et cetera. Sore bones? Sore bones. Oh wow, descriptive. Yeah, do you take the deal? Does this imply that Dr. Neocortex also exists in this world?

No, it just literally, magic crash bandicoot shows up and beats the fuck out of you. Yes, Emily, Emily's raising her hand. Well, I feel like we all get so agitated and excited during this that I should just start raising my hand to interject. Emily's polite. Emily's raised her hand.

Yes, Emily? I forgot my question. No, you didn't. You couldn't have. Yes, okay, Jake is raising his hand, Jake. I was just buying a little bit of time and I feel like Emily might remember this question now. Okay, so you have no question,

cause I was about to. Emily's raising her hand. Emily's raising her hand, Murph. That's what I wanted to say. Okay. Wait, now I'm. No, you didn't. You did.

Okay, Emily's raising her hand. Let's go. Okay. Do you rewind I'm... No, you did. You did. Okay. I'm always raising my hand at the third time. Okay. Do you rewind time to do a redo or do you rewind time just to be like, that was so good, I gotta do it twice? You can literally do whatever you would like with that one hour.

So theoretically- I do have a question. Yes, Jake. He's raising his hand. Go ahead. Am I allowed to like spend the year training to be able to, you know, stand up to Crash Bandicoot or is he, no matter what I do,

no matter how hard I train. Always training to be powerful. Always training to be powerful. There are certain exercises that feel like that. That you're like, even as I get stronger, it's still just as hard. Yeah. Yeah, so the cool thing-

So Crash Bandicoot is Pilates. So let's talk about rewinding time for an hour and how useful an ability that is. And also, can you parcel it out? Can you be like, shit, I'm gonna rewind for one minute. That's one minute of my hour of the year. No, you just use the power once

and you can rewind time by an hour. So you can correct a mistake. If something terrible happens, you can go back and make sure that that terrible thing doesn't happen. I believe like a really winding voice message. And I just wanna like take that again. You could leave a really long voice message. And I just want to like take that again. You could leave a really long voice message

or retake an embarrassing moment like that. You know what? I would do it. I would do it hands down because in the, it's like buying insurance, except instead of paying, you pay a physical price to crash bandicoot. Because it's insurance for in case you ever got into a car accident.

Wow. That is definitely true. That is definitely true. That is definitely true. I would just save it. I would sit on it. I would never use it. So it's the, so it would prevent like a car accident. On top of that, you can use it as like an insane

money-making venture. Cause you could bet on sports or any kind of event or whatever. So it is a little bit of an infinite money glitch. It's an infinite money glitch slash get out of jail free card. You have to balance that with like, if I'm betting on a basketball game and then like next week somebody I know gets hit by a bus, I would be like, damn, I feel really bad.

Oh my God. That's what I'm saying. That's why you save it. Although you know you can use it. Oh, okay. So let's say, yeah, it resets after you use it. So it's not just the calendar year. Cause otherwise you could just cheat it

and just do it December 31st every year. So there is a little bit of psychological torture that comes with it. I will also say, keep in mind how fucking scared you will be every single night waiting for Crash Bandicoot to beat the shit out of you. Right, because he can come at any time. He can come at any time.

It's literally random. He can wake me up in the middle of the night and just sleep. By punching you in the face. By punching you in the face. Don't worry about your sleep. He's gonna kick the shit out of you. he's gonna kick the shit out of you. He's gonna kick the shit out of you. I didn't play Crash Bandicoot, what's his slogan?

He's an orange guy with jeans. I know what he looks like, but what's his slogan? He spins, right? Oh, do you have a slogan? What's the soundscape? I know when he gets hit, he goes, whoa! What's the soundscape of him approaching? He's like, hey, yeah, okay!

Yeah, it's gonna be a lot of haze. Yeah, a lot of high pitched, very 90s radness. So like, could I prepare sort of like a hybridized Wumpa fruit as like a piece of awkward. No, you getting your ass kicked. Yeah, I think that would- 100% he kicks your ass. There's no getting out of it.

There's no talking. He literally, first thing he does, knees you in the stomach, elbows you in the head, beats the fuck out of you. Surprise! It doesn't cost you any money. There's no like, you don, first thing he does, knees you in the stomach, elbows you in the head, beats the fuck out of you. It doesn't cost you any money. There's no like, you don't have to go to the dentist. He's like an expert goon that knows how to not leave a trace other than you being

the shit kicked out of you. I think the insurance policy of being able to save my own life or one of my friend's life is too good and I let Crash Bandicoot make a puppet of me. Doesn't that ruin your life though? Sitting there all the time being like, when should I rewind slash can I sleep tonight? When is Crash Bandicoot gonna show up?

Although there's something beautiful about just like embracing it and like knowing that Crash is coming. I think it becomes almost like a religion for you. You're like, Crash is always coming. That's what I'm saying. I think it becomes your life. There for you. You're like, crash is always coming. That's what I'm saying. I think it becomes your life. There will always be the crash.

I think I don't take this deal. I think it would drive me mad. I think I would never sleep again. I think I would obsess over the power. That's part of it for me. I think I would constantly be wondering, should I use it now? Should I do this hour?

Should I do this hour? Yeah. No, I sit on it. I let years lapse where I don't use it. And I just wait for that time when I can save someone's life. But doesn't your whole life then just become waiting for that? Yeah.

Waiting for crash. Imagine how good though the 364 days after a crash by the way you kick your ass are gonna feel though. He could also kick your ass like in public. It could also just be like, I am at a four year old's birthday party. Well, then it would be amazing. The kids would love it.

Yeah, I know, I know. See, this is the thing for me. Like, I feel like I approach these in sort of like a hypothetical existence where like sometimes I have a kid and sometimes I don't. With this one I'm thinking like, if my daughter sees me get beat up by Crash Bandicoot, I'm never coming back from that.

Yeah, just the fact that you're no matter how hard you train, you never beat Crash Bandicoot. Yeah. So just this. Because if I'm trying to just, she's just going to be like, oh, daddy crashes right there. I'm like, oh, before. Orange Muppet just reverses any punch you take, just like crunches your fist in his hands. I'd get straight up religious about it. I would revere Crash Bandicoot as the burden to bear.

I would like have a picture of him. It would be memento mori, but memento Crash. Remember that you will crash. And then I would also like at the very end of my life, write a whole memoir and be like my life with craft. Okay. That's cool. So, and this is dedicated to life.

Yeah, I do it. You do it as well. I think I take it. Okay. Yeah, I take it. Cause it's, this is, I could be rich beyond measure. I could save anybody I love and the price is getting my ass kicked.

But that's not, but it's not totally just that because that's what it is on paper, right? But practically day to day, you're sitting there being like, if I bet on this sports game, that means that if there's a terrible accident tomorrow or something like that, I can't reverse that. I think psychological torture every day all the time. And also you might get your ass kicked by a car. Yeah, I think I just commit to sports betting then.

Oh, this is just fun. This is just fun. And you're like, I can I just commit to sports betting then. Oh, this is just fun. This is just fun. And you're like, I can, I can buy. I'll buy insurance for everyone I know. Yeah. Right. I've got gambling superpower, but nothing else guys. I'm sorry. That's interesting. I think I'd sit on it and I wouldn't use it until some day

and maybe would let years lapse where I don't use it. Oh. And I would become fully engrossed and fascinated by my relationship with Crash. And in a way, twisted into like, ah, yes, he is teaching me something. He would become my teacher. Crash, you haven't kicked my ass in months. Where are you, Crash?

Do you ever see him like out in the world? No. Okay, so it's just only- Crash shows up and it's on site, he fucks you up. So you never just like see him at the farmer's market and he's like leaving you alone. If you see him running, you're gonna get hurt. That's just, it's like he's about to get to you,

you're fucked. Crash, Crash Course, colon, my life with the bandicoot bully. And I release it like the day before I die and no one believes it. Soundtrack is crashing. I think this is full on Twilight Zone. Seems like a good thing, but is actually torture.

I'm not doing this. No. But Emily and Jay car. I do it and I don't get the most of it. I never once gamble with it. It's just there for insurance. That's terrible. We're doing it for opposite reasons.

Yeah. I truly think like Murph, I don't know if you remember those commercials for Crash Bandicoot in the 90s, where it's like a guy in a suit. Yeah. Like that's what I'm picturing, but like flesh and blood.

Yep. And it's like, that's a big suit. That's a big bandicoot. Well, no matter what, even if he's small, he fucks you up the same. So it doesn't even matter. Yeah. It's almost more humiliating if he's small.

So Kyle, where are you at here? I'm a firm no. Firm no. Okay. Next one. You are out alone on Halloween night. It's a little too late for trick or treaters. Yeah, right.

I have too many friends. I don't buy this. You're going for a little walk on Halloween night. Oh, I do like to walk. There's sort of a fun, spooky vibe in the air. Yeah. Suddenly you see the headless horseman begins galloping towards you.

Oh my God! Oh freaking Dullahan! A Dullahan startled, you try to run, but you are thwarted when the horseman throws a pumpkin at you, which knocks you to the ground. Oh my God! As you gather yourself, the horseman leans down from his horse and says, I'm looking for my head and you're gonna help me find it

or else I'm gonna keep hucking pumpkins at you. The horseman has a huge cumbersome bag of pumpkins with him. He gets down from his horse, sits down and begins fishing through the bag to find quote, the perfect pumpkin to huck. Do you stay and help him or run while he's distracted by the bag? He's on horse, right?

He's so he gets off his horse to look through his big bag of pumpkin. But he'll hop back on that horse. He will probably hop, but it's really, he's really looking deeply for quote. Is my car nearby? Yeah, that's what I'm wondering. Yes. You can, you can maybe get to your car. Does it seem like he's enlisting me in his capers?

So the weird thing, this is what makes this question interesting. He's not being like interesting or spooky or mysterious. He's just being a bully, just like you're going to fucking help me find my head or else I'm going to huck pumpkins at you. Can I ride on his horse? No, absolutely not. OK, does the horse have a head? The horse does have a head.

In this story. I mean, in every story. No, no, but in this head. In this story. I mean, in every story. No, no, no, but in this story. In this story, yes. Yeah, it's the best part. It's not the headless horse, man. See. If it were a rap lyric, maybe it would have been.

I've got a headless horse, man. I love that new anime track. I feel like it's just so rare for men to make new friends after age 30. True. I feel like this is like a real chance for me. it's just so rare for men to make new friends after age 30. I feel like this is like a real chance for me. So like maybe, clearly he's going through something. And I feel like it would just be really rude of me

to like pass this opportunity up. I think I'm like really pissed off in the moment. But like once I get to know him, I'm like, so tell me about it. Like, is this like a age-long curse or something like that? Did you piss off a king? What's going on here? That's where I'm at is I think I want to,

even though I'm scared, I'm like, this dude seems like kind of an idiot and is just hucking pumpkins at me. So I'm not in that much danger. Like he has a sword. He could have chopped my head off if he wanted to. He's just being kind of mean to me for no reason. He's just a dick.

I want to find out why magic and curses are real. So I do want to look for his head. I think you're underestimating truly how much it would hurt to get hit by a pumpkin. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. It was really smart. Like I think that's like concussion territory. Yeah. Well, I think he hits you like in the back,

the pumpkin explodes and you fall down. Small of the back. Yeah. It hurts a lot. Yeah. You're sore the next day. Matt quite hit crash bandicoot ass kicking, but you know. You have a welt. Yeah. It's like a big paintball.

I feel like the headless horseman himself doesn't seem that threatening, but whatever curse he's gotten into, that seems kind of dangerous. And I kind of don't want to be involved with that. I would try to run. The thing is like, as soon as he approaches you, as soon as you're tagged by the pumpkin,

you're involved, dude. Like that curse has extended you for- I'm not involved. Yeah, but it is a life span. It's not involved. Outrun the freaking Dullahan? No, you might be able to get's not involved. We might be able to get in a car. You might be able to get in a car. I think that like this guy is hunting you.

This guy is like you are inextricably linked to this. That's why the question is interesting because he's being so not a villain. He's just being a dick. He's being coy. If I get hit with a second pumpkin, then I fall down and I'm like, fine, I'll help. Stop chucking those things. Emily's raising her hand. Realistically, I would definitely run away.

But my curiosity would have me once I'm out of sight, peer around a corner. Oh, okay. If you can get out of hucking distance and then yell to him and be like, what's going on with you? I think I would run and then throw a bunch of sticks to make it look like I ran farther than I did,

go around the corner and then I would kind of observe him because if he's muttering to himself looking for the perfect pumpkin, what else is he gonna mutter to himself? Can't believe this curse has come to me all because I betrayed my love. You know? And then I'm like, okay, well now I'm getting

some exposition. Yeah. Okay. You kind of sleep no more. You're just like following around in the distance. Yeah, I know I'm wearing a mask. Yeah. And he's nude too, which is pretty cool.

Just being invited into a world of magic and curses. I do have to stick around in some capacity. That's what I'm saying. And the fact that he's just being a dick makes me think I'm not going to be beheaded. I just feel like there's like a 1% chance that this night ends with us hucking pumpkins off someone's roof.

And then like we both like crack a beer and he like drinks it down his neck and then we both laugh about it. If I have my fob in my pocket, my Toyota's nearby, I'm gonna make a mad dash for my Yoda. Yeah. If I can get there, then I'm not going to look back. But if he gets me with one more pumpkin,

I'm going to be like, okay, you win. For the most part, you're out of there. He's going to get you. That fob is falling out of your hand, out of your sweaty scared palm. I think he's going to take one of those tiny pumpkins. You get a Trader Joe's and he's going to fling it at your fob. And like, I'm saying that this Headless Horseman-

If I fumble my fob, I'm screwed. This headless horseman kind of seems like an idiot. Like he's definitely really going through his huge cumbersome bag of pumpkins. Jake, I think even if you fumbled the fob, might be able to get away. Okay. Interesting, interesting.

Here's the thing, I like everyone's solution. I feel like there's no wrong answers to this one. I, yes or no, you're having a great night. I think some of you that just stick around and straight up try to hang out with him could end up dead. I, yes, I do agree. I think that could be a wrong call.

I do agree. I think it's a weird thing though of like matching the energy. Like if an actual monster grows out of the earth and comes up to me and is just like, what the fuck are you doing here, dude? I would just be like, what the fuck are you doing here, dude? You know what I mean? I think the first thing he asks you to do is like, what the fuck are you doing here, dude? I would just be like, what the fuck are you doing here, dude? You know what I mean?

I think the first thing he asks you to do is like, he's like, here, take this pumpkin, hook it at that guy. And then I'm like, all right, well, I don't wanna do that. I don't know if I wanna help you in the way that you need help. Yeah, I don't wanna hook pumpkins at people. He says he wants to find his head, which does seem like regular Dullahan stuff.

Yeah. Okay, so that part of it seems normal. So you're like, I think I understand this curse. But what if he goes up and he's like, it's on this guy? Oh. He might do that. And then he hands you the sword. And the second you touch the sword, vines of inky black crawl up your and then you become a sick belt.

I have invited this for myself. Because I do think once I get a vibe that he's just a shithead, I stick around because I do want to be like, I think we would just have an antagonistic night where it'd be like, the fuck's your problem, dude? Why'd you lose your head? What happened?

And then you get enlisted in the curse and then people are like, where's Murph? Are you guys divorced? And I'm like, no, he became the headless horseman. Yeah, yeah. And now I'm hucking pumpkins at people. And then everyone's like, sure. And they think that you left me.

And then I have to be like, I swear to God, not only is the headless horseman real, Murph is the headless horseman now. Headless horseman's parentheses real. Yeah, I gotta stick it out. I gotta find out if it's a Dolla Han or just a dullard man. Okay.

Okay. Right on. Okay, for this next one, Jake, you got some submissions from our Patreon. So why don't we throw to some user submitted ones? That is correct. Okay, this one comes from Ali R. And Ali writes, you have an uncle

who is one of the leading geneticists of our time. Okay. Whoa. That's so cool. And I have a relationship with him too. That's awesome. For your birthday, he gifts you an adult mammoth. The first success in his years of research.

Oh my God. The mammoth is completely untamable and feral, but it also has stopped growing at knee height. You cannot monetize your mammoth for fear of the government taking it away or experimenting on it. It also sheds a lot. Would you accept your uncle's mammoth?

No. No. I would, oh my God, this is such a good question though, because it is like, it makes me be like, it's a wild animal, I shouldn't take it inside. And yet it's been out, it's not gonna have the survival instincts. It hasn't been. It's just a little, yeah. But also evolutionarily, it might get exposed

to a bunch of pathogens and stuff. Oh my God. A little knee high mammoth would be so fucking strong. Yeah. Those fucking husks. The crazy about this question is this is like more or less the plot of like an ancient like 90s or 80s cartoon movie. Really?

I don't remember the title of it, but it is about like a mammoth getting unfrozen and it's like a baby stunted mammoth. Oh yeah, it's called a mammoth from my uncle, right? Yeah. My uncle's mammoth. Wait a second. Yeah. Uncle Wooly. Jake's mammoth. Wait a second. Yeah.

Uncle Wooly. Jake's reading the back of a VHS. Yeah, but also in this movie, the mammoth could inflate its trunk and float a little bit. So I don't know if that's a part of this reality. I think I would ask my uncle, like, OK, can just like, I need to understand your intent. Why did you do this?

Why did you do this? Why did you do this? What was- In the name of science, my dear nephew. What's your plan B? For sure you didn't think for sure I was gonna accept this, right? Yeah, you can't take, a pet is a bad gift. Yeah. There's no pets allowed in my building, dear niece.

Oh, fuck. Yeah, I think my taking it in would be purely if no one else would take it I have a question how much space do mammoths need to graze if it's knee-high like a quarter acre I guess if you're basing on like how much that would an elephant's like grazing grounds, but that's quite a lot mini It's like I think it's like mini horse. Okay. All right I think like the fact that you can't tame it. I'm thinking this thing is gonna be like a boar. It's got like tusks.

I think it fucks you up. I think it's gonna like kill you. Although I guess I literally, what is a mammoth's temperament? I think if you keep this mammoth overfed, it's gonna be pretty mellow. I would just give it hay all the time. I looked up miniature mammoth, how much space does a mini mammoth need to graze?

What's the answer? Minimeth? of miniature mammoth, how much space does a mini mammoth need to graze? It's a question that I shouldn't be able to Google. And yet I think there's something called a mini mammoth donkey. So it says that it needs 0.5 to one acre per miniature mammoth donkey for grazing. That's pretty close. I believe I said a quarter to half an acre. I think you need an acre minimum here, but yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh no, it needs companionship. Well, that's you. It's a mammoth. Well, again, it says donkeys are social animals. Yeah. Well, mammoths, you could assume. You could have a mini mammoth donkey and this mini mammoth and see what happens.

I don't know if, I'm sure there's gonna be people that will correct us, but I'm thinking when I'm like, mammoth, I'm like, they probably behaved similar to elephants, we can't, I don't know that we can ever fully know this, they're super extinct, but let's say they're like elephants, elephants definitely care about their packs and stuff, I don't even know what you call a group of elephants,

but they hang out, they're pack animals. Yeah, I think they have funerals. They're sensitive, they're smart. They mourn their dead. They have funerals. They mourn their dead. Yeah, they hang out. They're pack animals, right? Yeah, I think they have funerals. They're sensitive, they're smart. They mourn their dead. They have funerals. They mourn their dead. Yeah, they can paint. They can absolutely paint theoretically.

Okay, so if that's the case, then I'm like, okay, you're not gonna be a physical mammoth, you're gonna be a humanities mammoth. And I train the mammoth. You can't train the mammoth. No, no, no, sorry. I give the mammoth access You can't train the mammoth. No, no, no. Oh, sorry. I give the mammoth access to all these art supplies so that it can stimulate itself with creativity rather than ranging

long distance. And there Emily is with the right answer. There's a right answer. There is a right answer. Inspiring it with art. Inspiring it with art. Give it, in lieu of actual mammoth companionship, give it paint brushes. That's the thing. Oil paints. Destroy your home. What if you want...

Destroy you. No, it's like a pasture. I literally am like, okay, my uncle is psychotic. I cut off relationships with my uncle. He's done something incredibly- What are you saying, for me? Denise, Denise, how goes the mammoth? A mu, mu, mu, blah.

The problem? Your mother gave me your number. I really want to see the mammoth. Black, black, how do you keep getting new phone numbers? In the interest of science, I must know. Emily is way too- Has it learned to paint? Emily is way too wildly creative and empathetic

to ask these questions too. Because she just says, I just dedicate my life to solving this problem that you've thrown at me. I have a follow up for you, Emily, though, which is like, all right, so you give the mammoth all of these supplies. Slowly over time, it learns to paint. It learns like pointillism. But I'm not allowed to monetize it.

I'm not allowed to monetize it. No, no, you're not monetizing it. But what if you go out to the pasture one day, you're wearing a mammoth suit so that it doesn't know you're there. You're in some sort of mammoth disguise almost, from a distance. I think this is already taking some liberties with how

I would interact with the mammoth. But let's follow it. Sure, you can be in a tree with binoculars. That's fine. Yeah, actually I would do that. OK, great. So you zoom in with your binoculars, and you see that the mammoth has painted a perfect portrait of you,

but you are bleeding out from a giant puncture wound. Oh, it goes back to Crash Bandicoot. I turn it into a religious bird. I must bear. Right. The church of the tusks. Yes, of course. And I treated us my teacher.

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All right, I got a question for you guys, kind of related, because it's an uncle one. Really? Yeah, I just got. Uncles are in the air. Uncles are in the air. Surprise round, uncle edition. Surprise round, uncle edition. All right.

This is also about a wild uncle, ready? Okay. You have an Uncle Craig. Uncle Craig is a huge. Mute block. Mute block. Do not disturb. T-N-E, hello, it is I, Uncle Craig. Uncle Craig is a huge fucking, yeah. Mute block, mute block. Do not disturb. Dear niece, hello, it is I, Uncle Craig.

Uncle Craig is a huge fucking asshole. He stopped short of committing actual crimes, but he was the worst. His nickname for you was my loser nephew slash niece, whatever your relationship is to him, and he called you a loser. He let your cousin's dog run away because he didn't like it. What?

Uncle Craig dies and insists on being buried with his prized possession, a pristine alpha black lotus, the Magic the Gathering card once purchased by Post Malone for $800,000. His immediate family honors his wishes and buries him with the card and you are at the funeral to support him. At the funeral, everyone shares stories

about what a dick Craig was. On the drive home, you pass the cemetery. You see the fresh dirt and a shovel next to it. No one is around. Do you grave rob Uncle Craig? I wanna say yes so bad, but I know that I wouldn't. I don't know, this theoretical uncle might kind of deserve to get grave robbed against, okay?

Like just calling me my loser niece, Emily, that I can be like, ha ha, you're bad at being playful. But if letting the dog go, I'm like, okay, you have something. That's a step too far. Yeah. I think for me, it's like, for whatever reason, grave robbing seems like the step too far, but like I would absolutely do a swap at the open casket.

Yeah, I was gonna say. Right, yeah, yeah. I think I'm in the same boat. Like I have no issue robbing my dead uncle who is a bad guy, but the high effort of digging, digging down to the bottom of the grave. I just don't feel like doing it. It is interesting.

It is a lot of work. Give me an opportunity though, and I think I take it. Would you guys though, like if you know, it's going to be an open casket and everyone's talking about the black Lotus is going to be swapped with a fake. I mean, do you put the effort in to make the dummy black Lotus? You can definitely buy copies of the black Lotus.

It would be very easy to have one that looked just like. Would you do that? Absolutely. Then it's also like even premeditated. This is beyond like, this is beyond like, oh, you see it, you see an opportunity. This is like, no, you're looking to make an opportunity. Even if so-

You're lingering around the past being like, I just have, I need a private moment. I would honor their wishes, but it would be so strange. It would be like somebody being like, I don't want to give any money to anyone in my family. Bury me with cash. It's just a strange thing. I am just strange.

It's like a final fuck you. If they ask me, if they're like, Jake, will you be the one to close the casket? I would be like, I'd be honored. Why would they do that? Oh my! And then right as I'm closing and I just, I pocket it.

I think it's so easy. You don't do it swift enough. You close it on your own hand, shout loudly. your hand spasms and clutching the card. You can't see the least of your muscle. The obvious fake is there, I yell, he almost dropped this. I think you can even play that off. You're like, oh, one last prank from Uncle Craig, right? I think, yeah, this is not too hard.

Like you just have it it hidden up your sleeve. I'm picturing that Uncle Craig is like, it's rusted on his chest. I think it's rusted on his chest. Yeah. In lieu of an actual lotus. Right. Yeah, yeah. That's Uncle Craig's twisted sense of humor.

He's like, I don't want a white lotus. I want the black lotus. And he's got it there. And then you just pop it out of your sleeves, prestige style. You've got maybe a spring-loaded mechanism. You're snagging it. You're out you just like pop it out of your sleeves. Prestige style. You've got like maybe like a spring loaded mechanism. You're snagging it. You're out of there. You're out of there quick.

So now this is so premeditated. Not only have you bought a dummy copy, you've bought a spring loaded mechanism that you put up your sleeve. Nikola Tesla has made it for me. Colt will want to do that regardless. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody is Inspector Gadget in these theoreticals. I really do wish you would get a spring-loaded sleeve mechanism

just to see what it'd be really funny to roll dice that way. Whoa. That'd be so awesome. Yeah, I feel like what would actually happen is I would be like, dang, it's not working. And I would hold it close to my face, and it would just break my nose. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I do think, I mean, it's obviously, if it's his wishes or whatever, even if he's like an awful guy, I think if you take it's obviously if it's if it's his wishes or whatever even if he's like an awful guy I think if you take it and then like you sell it yourself and you keep the money that's supremely fucked up Yeah But if you're like his family that he was awful to that sucks if you're able to get that money and like Anonymously like give it to them. Oh, I think you're almost morally obligated to do that Yeah, my my I would never take the initiative to do this if one of my cousins though was like,

I got this idea, you couldn't list me on this. Oh, you need a co-conspirator. I would definitely try to convince my cousins to rob. To be like, you just call them up and be like, guys, the dirt is fresh. There would be like, I would be getting a drink would like be getting like a drink with my sister and we'd be like, can you believe fucking Uncle Craig? You know, that it's actually worth a lot of money. And then like kind of like, I would maybe feel it out. And if I could get one other person on board,

then maybe we'd go for it. I think this becomes, this becomes completely different if it's like a family heirloom or something like that. If it's like he had a watch that was handed down to him from his father or something. This is like a card from 1994 that is worth a lot of money. Also, but it would be kind of selfish to be like, all right, my great grandfather gave me this watch. My father had this watch and I want to be buried with it rather than give it to you.

And then I'm buried with it. It's still, yeah, it's still strange. It's still strange for sure. But at the very least you could be like, okay, this was deeply, but this is very clearly a dick move by Uncle Craig, classic Uncle Craig. I think it'd be even worse if he wanted to be cremated. If he wanted to. Oh my God!

Oh my God, I mean at that point the person cremating would be like, whoops, this fell into my pot. Yeah, we can't burn the foil, it's just bad for the cremator. Okay, so everybody's slipping in a fake black lotus, grabbing the real black lotus, and then burn the foil. It's just bad. So everybody's slipping in a fake black lotus, grabbing the real black lotus, and then donating the money. I'm waiting. I'm trying to get a co-conspirator to do it, but I don't think I'd do it as a soul.

I think I'm trying to do that, but my mechanism breaks, and I do have to end up digging up the casket. The spring load just takes a shot at his face. He leaves a final bruise. How long would it take you to dig up a body? I think this is so fresh it wouldn't take you that long. Wow, really? Yeah.

I mean, I don't know the actual mechanics of it, but in this fake world. You get caught immediately. I'm saying this is purely a can you live with it scenario via my question. I mean, I guess like, let's say there's a very low chance that you'll get caught. I think everybody's in the same position where they're like, I could slip in a fake black lotus, I'll do it. But maybe doesn't wanna go far enough to dig up

Uncle Craig. I don't think I wanna dig it up. I think yeah, this ends with me playing a game of magic with that black lotus and I do a little smirk. Yeah. Thanks Craig. I won again. As the card loses all of its value. You're playing with it.

Take it out of them. As you spill a Sunny D on it. No! All right, let's do a user submitted one. Yeah. This one comes from Shell B. Shell B writes, you are getting ready to leave on an international tour

with your spouse slash family and will be gone approximately six weeks.'" Whoa. Okay, whoa. Epic run. "'None of your friends or trusted circle can pet sit for you. A pet sitter that comes wildly and highly recommended

from those you trust arrives a few days prior to meet with you and learn the routine of your pets.'" Shell B, don't do this to me. Shelby. Open the door to discover them in a full Grinch. Oh my God! Hell yeah. And an open unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt.

Okay. That's fun. They see the look on your face and in a business monotone voice, they say, the animals like it and yes, it stays on the entire time I pet them. They do not address the garb again and behave like a professional during your tour. Okay. It does in fact seem to quote positively affect the animals. Bowie, Harriet and

Dingo all especially seem to be transfixed by vacation Grinch. Well, you leave in just a few days, which will make arranging a new sitter difficult. But that means allowing this Grinch unfettered access to your home for six weeks. What do you do? If Bowie likes the Grinch?

Yeah. I gotta say if the animals are cool with it, the fact that the Grinch comes highly recommended. I think if this is, and this is recommended by friends and stuff, right? Yeah. Right. Okay. It also says the animals like it. I'm like, okay, let's say it's recommended by friends, but you say, what's the deal with the Grinch costume? And your friend that recommended them is just like, uh, they didn't wear a Grinch costume. I'm out there. I'm absolutely out. This

is a different person. This is a different person. Interesting. Maybe, well, maybe they like put on the Grinch costume, like halfway through their last pet sitting job and like that really took off with the animal that like really made the animal warm up to them. So they're like, okay, okay. I got to try and tell them. You just have to trust that though. So do they have like a name

that doesn't have the Grinch in it? Or is it like a name that is clearly the Grinch in disguise? Oh, that's, their name is Gary Wrench. So kind of sounds Grinch. So then I start name is Gary Wrench. So kind of sounds Grinch. So then I start Googling Gary Wrench. I start, maybe I get a private investigator to follow them just for our day. You only have a few days, you're about to leave.

I know, I know. But then the private investigator shows up, dressed as the Grinch. And I'm like, what the fuck do I do? How deep does this go? I think if I can confirm that they're good, even if I talk to somebody and I'm like, what the fuck do I do? How deep does this go? I think if I can confirm that they're good, even if I talk to somebody and they're like, they didn't work, they weren't wearing a Grinch costume.

If I could confirm their identity and just be like, is this what their voice sounded like? Is this what they talked like? Is this what they were like? Cause that would be a good way for one person to be a business, right? They just all are wearing Grinch costumes and they're banking off of Gary Wrench's good reviews,

but really it's a bunch of different people. Right, but they're actually scaling their reputation by wearing a costume. The thing about the Grinch though, is that the only thing he truly loves is his dog Max. So like that's a step in the positive column for me right there. Actually, that's a really smart point.

And that makes me think that. But doesn't he put, he puts like the little reindeer horns on him and he gets kind of weighed down. Yeah, but then he repents and he lets Max ride in the sleigh with him. Yeah, I think because of Max, I think that I definitely go with it

and I think it's a good gimmick. Interesting. Okay. I mean, I quiz Gary a little bit about. I don't know that this is necessarily like the actual Grinch. I think it might be just a maniac who's coming into my home to, I don't know, attack my animals

or something like that. We get to do like a sit down with Gary, right? But Gary never takes it off. But there's like a trial. We like have like Gary meet the dog before we leave, right? I'm Bowie and Harriet and Dingo like them. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. You do a tour, Gary behaves like a professional.

But we'll not address the Grinch costume again. I think there's no way. I think Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. You do a tour, Gary behaves like a professional. Yeah. But we'll not address the Grinch costume again. I think there's no way. I think I'm out, I'm out. Is he gonna sleep in my bed? No. In the costume. Why? Yeah. I mean, I guess.

Oh, is Gary house sitting too? Yes, Gary's gonna stay over with the animals. It's six weeks, so they'd be coming by a couple times a day. Makes more sense for the Grinch to stay at your home. Oh my God. I'm gonna have to hire a fucking rug doctor after this. That really throws a wrench into this.

That throws a Grinch wrench into this. Yeah, a Gary. A Gary wrench. I think that it's not coming off that line. It stays on for six weeks. I think that puts a weird tension in the room when I'm speaking to them. Because I say, what do you mean though?

Right. Imagine like you're texting with a Grinch, like you get the like, oh, Harriet went out. She had a really nice time at the park. I really feel like I should take the costume off, but I promised you I wouldn't. I think it escalates because I automatically just start questioning it. I say, can I confirm that you are the same person that my friend hired? I need a picture of you. Like, yeah, we get into an argument. This person refuses to elaborate.

Look, Gary, I'm cool with you keeping the costume on the whole time, but before I leave, I gotta look you in the eye. I will. You have to show me your face. I'll let the Grinch hammer a roller coaster that I'm about to get on, but I won't let them near my cats.

Yeah. I think that I probably am more observing the Grinch as he's interacting with my cats. After he leaves, I I'm looking for I'm looking for alts to so I try I tried the last minute to get another cat sitter. But at the same time, also looking into you need to but I'm also looking for a private investigator. So it's like I'm casting a wide net. I'm panicking. I'm about to leave a private investigator. So it's like, I'm casting a wide net. I'm panicking.

I'm about to leave for six weeks. Leave my precious cats. And so- You're texting your neighbor the most insane sentence you've ever taken. I think, I think if the Grinch mask comes off- Hey, Marie, I just want you to know that. I think if I could peek at their face one time

and confirm that they're the same person that watched my friend's cats and dogs. I'm cool. Just so you know, there's a man in a Grinch costume who's gonna be coming by twice a day. He's allowed to be there. He's probably gonna water some of my plants too, so he might be in the garden.

Your neighbors would just be like, what the fuck is happening? Don't worry, he's not stealing Christmas, he's eating Dingo. He's stealing kibble and putting it in the bowl, which he's supposed to do. So that's allowed. I think I would text my neighbors

if I saw someone in a Grinch costume going in and out. Oh yeah, in and out? Yeah. Yeah. Because you are like, are you stealing Christmas right now? Yeah. I think I'm fully out,

because as soon as they won't budge on not taking the mask off, like to confirm their identity, I'm out. Is anyone in here? I might be out because of that. No, I think I'm out. Is anyone in here? I might be out because of that. No, I think I'm out. As soon as I open the door,

I don't think Gary gets a tour of my house. Yeah, that's true. I think I'm like, you know what? This isn't a fit. There's a heated chat. Oh yeah. I closed the door and to Susan like, he seemed nice.

And then she's instantly like, no. Yeah. I think it goes. Maybe I don't. I think I don't like close the door. I think literally I'm talking to Gary for a long time. And I'm like, look, you come highly recommended. The cats love the Grinch. Everything you're doing, loving it.

Just need to confirm who you are before I let you in. Are you who you say you are? Are you who you say you are? It's simple, I'm the bridge. And the fact that they say non-negotiable mask is not coming off, I'm like, we can't do this. Yeah, yeah. Okay, cool.

So I think that I'm not the out. I think everybody's out. I think everyone's out on this one. Look, maybe I'm out, but I do hire a private investigator anyways, just like for future trips. Like maybe I find out that this is do hire a private investigator anyways, just like for future trips. Like maybe I find out that like this is really good. It's good to have an investigator just in your Rolodex, you know?

True. Yeah. It is really the power of peer pressure to a certain extent. Cause when we're standing in line for roller coaster, as long as everyone else seems cool with it, we're fine to risk our own lives. So it's like partly peer pressure and then it's also partly we care about our animals more than we care about ourselves. Where I'm like, I'm not gonna. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't let Dingo on the roller coaster. That's for sure. Yeah. If you're like, will you go hang out with the Grinch for a week? I'd be like, I don't want to, but sure. Yeah. If I need to for some reason. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I actually have one that's pretty on theme with this. Okay. Is it Grinch related? It's Grinch and Tripp related. What? Any uncles in there?

I can add an uncle? Yeah, I would appreciate it if you could. Would you? Yeah. This is uncle edition after all. This is uncle edition. All right, right on. You're on vacation with your uncle, like you do.

I'm gonna smoothly add an uncle to this one. Ready? Let's see if we notice. All right, you ready? Family gets so mad when I go on vacation with an uncle to this one. Ready? Let's see if we notice. All right, you ready? My family gets so mad when I go on vacation with my uncle and leave them. You are offered free plane tickets to a far off destination with your uncle.

Ha, guys! Oh my God! Holy shit! You got me! That wasn't written. Yeah, so it's you and like a bunch, it's you and your spouse and your uncle. Okay, cool.

And I'm leaving her alone. Cool, okay, so just you, just call him along as uncle. Who's watching the kid, it's just me and Whit. I'm probably gonna bring Emily and then my uncle. Okay, cool. I'm leaving her alone. Cool, okay, so just call him his uncle. So who's watching the kid, it's just me and Witt. I'm probably gonna bring Emily, and then my uncle. I wish you wouldn't actually. I think they'd want you to pick. This is a long trip.

So this is gonna be like a 13 hour flight. From the US, we're thinking like a flight to Japan or like Australia, a long, long flight. You have two choices. You've won this in like some kind of contest or something, randomly, like you're subscribed to something and you win a contest. You have two choices. You've won this in like a some kind of contest or something randomly, like you're subscribed to something and you win a contest. You have two choices. You can fly economy or first class. Okay, the catch. The first class is Grinch themed. When you ask when you ask what

that means when you ask what that means. customer service explains that a man in a Grinch costume, or hell, maybe the Grinch himself, will be your only flight attendant. The Grinch will offer you all the normal first class fare, but will stick his finger in your drinks and loudly stomp down the aisles while scowling at everyone. If you ask him for something,

he'll honor your requests, but have an attitude about it. Which ticket do you take? It's full lie down with the Grinch, right? It's full lie down with the Grinch. It's full lie down, I gotta go. Are you gonna be able to sleep with him stomping around? Yeah, because my uncle is sleeping peacefully next to me. Yeah.

Here's the thing, like, keep in mind your uncle is there. I don't know my uncle that well. Why did you want to bring it up so bad? I thought those would be a chance for us to bond and now we got something to talk about. Oh, that is interesting. This is actually great. Oh, that's good.

I think free first class is no fucking joke. Especially for this long of a flight. And especially if it's lie down, you can lie down and theoretically sleep the whole time. I think the Grinch annoys me so bad. First class absolutely ain't fucking worth it. Okay, but I know that it's Gr theoretically sleep the whole time. I think the Grinch annoys me so bad, first class absolutely ain't fucking worth it. Okay, but I know that it's Grinch themed ahead of time. Yes, you are aware that the way the Grinch messes with it

is like, he'll be like, do you want some water? And then he takes his finger, his long Grinchy hairy finger, puts it in the water and then hands it to you. Can I bring my own water? Can I have a water bottle that he doesn't mess with? Yeah. I'm worried about being dehydrated. Yeah, you can bring it from the store. It's any.

As long as I'm not dehydrated, I go grinch all the way. Is he allowed to poach stuff from you? Like, is he going to try and take your water bottle? Oh my God, is he going to take your passport while you sleep? The customer service doesn't mention that. So I think the only grinchliness that you really, that you really have to deal with

is him sticking his finger in all of your drinks and food. Right. And stomping around and scowling. I think I prep by bringing my own stuff. I have my own snacks, my own drinks. That's fine. He's gonna do grinchy stuff to the in-flight meals and drinks.

Yes, definitely. And that's just par for the course. I agree with you on that. Putting his fingers in my drink and stuff doesn't bother me that much because free first class would be worth that, the putting his fingers in my drink and stuff doesn't bother me that much because free first class would be worth that, certainly. However, I'm saying I don't relax with the Grinch marching up and down the aisles scowling at me.

I think that the being able to lie down is too good. I would make like a sense, I don't even know if I could sleep in this, but I would essentially make like an isolation chamber from my head. You do like a sleep mask and like headphones. Earplugs. Emily, no, he's going to snap your sleep mask.

No question. No, cause I have a hood over it all. Okay. All right. So maybe that's- And I'm curled in the fetal position away from the aisles. But his fingers are so long. Get snake him in under your hood easily. I think I am so afraid of like interactive theater

or performers like calling on me or chatting with me or anything that I want nothing to do with this. Seriously, like if I'm on this and it is interactive theater, I'm winning it. I'm gonna fucking win it. I'm in there. I'm gonna make the Grinch's heart grow three sizes.

Like by the end of this, like I, he's gonna be trying to mess with me and I'm gonna be singing a beautiful song with my uncle about the spirit of Christmas. So if Caldwell is in it. If Caldwell is in it, I'm doing it. If Caldwell is me, and I'm gonna be singing a beautiful song with my uncle about the spirit of Christmas. So if Caldwell's in it, I'm doing economy. Yeah, because if people are singing, maybe. It's just me and my uncle being like, Abou Doré, Abou Doré.

Seven hours in, we're doing that, and we continue it for the next two hours. So you show up to your trip exhausted because you don't even enjoy the lie down feature. No, no, no, because I'm winning. I'm beating the Grinch. Okay, okay. To me, I've taken a lot of long flights

just sitting in regular seats. I would definitely do that before. The issue really is it's the uncle of it all for me because if I'm in regular economy, I'm very close on an overnight flight with my uncle. Oh, you are just with your uncle, yeah. If we're in first class, when my uncle have a pot, I barely see him.

Yeah. That's a wrinkle I didn't consider when I just added the, when I just tacked the uncle on. So actually the real threat is the social awkwardness of being so close to your uncle. So close to your uncle. Yeah. There is also a chance that my uncle freaks out

and fights the Grinch. And I think that's fun to see. Cause then it's like, that's just like fodder. You might get landed early then. Oh shit. Yeah. Okay. That is like fun fodder for the family group chat though.

If your uncle clocks the Grinch. I've tried to sleep sitting up on so many flights. There's no way I could turn down the lay down. I mean, it's a matter of like, do I get a bad night of sleep? Cause I keep getting woken up by the Grinch or do I get no like, do I get a bad night of sleep? Because I keep getting woken up by the Grinch? Or do I get no sleep? I'll take a bad night of sleep. Yeah, because at least the Grinch gives you the opportunity

to try for us. Okay, so everybody takes free first class tickets with the Grinch. Yeah, okay. I take the regular I'm taking regular plane tickets every day of the week. I've already said yes. But like, I have one follow up question. Okay, the food Grinch theme? Am I going to get like a roast beast? No, you get like a meatball sub with a green hair in it.

Yeah, I was going to say there's definitely a green hair in it. And you see like his saucy fingers are having touched your meatball. OK, well, the color contrast, it'd be easy to pick that out. So there you go. I think I'm just politely like, I'm good. I don't need. I can't believe how cool everyone is with the Grinch skulking around you.

It's not ideal. I'll admit that. I think I'm just- It's just, how could I turn down a lie down? I'm just intoxicated by hopping on the plain wifi and texting Sue's and be like, the Grinch is here. That's true. It is a better story.

It is a better story. I probably get no sleep because I'm just taking secret videos and being like, this is fucking bonkers. I'm texting y'all being like, I'm gonna win. But I would get no sleep because I'm just taking secret videos and being like, this is fucking bonkers. I'm texting y'all being like, I'm gonna win. But I would get no sleep. I'll get no sleep in the sitting up seat because I would be looking through those little curtains

being like, is that the fucking Grinch? Is the Grinch up there? Yeah, imagine. You miss 100% of the shots you don't Grinch. Like imagine like being in coach class and you see this happening. You're like, God, what's going on up there? You like try to go use their bathroom

just to see if it's the Grinch, you get scolded away. He hits you with his Grinch wrench. Absolutely wild stuff. All right, Jake, you wanna give us one more user submitted one? And we'll be hearing a lot more user submitted one. I actually still have a few over on our Patreon after we'll do a bonus episode.

What a surprise. Hell yes. Okay, Troy M writes, you're at a music festival and a mime starts messing with you. Oh. Playful at first. And everyone around you is laughing, including you.

It feels good to be included. Oh, I love when these questions like- Everyone else really loves interactive theater in a way that I just don't. But also I love when these questions. Everyone else really loves interactive theater in a way that I just don't. But also I love when these questions have like an element of like a choose your own adventure book where it's like, where it's like you're feeling this. It tells you how you feel. Yeah. Yeah.

Unrelated, can we say that this is Grinchella and it's a Grinch themed music festival? That's not what's going on. It is helpful because if a mime was messing with me, I would get deeply insecure and leave the festival. Yeah, but that's not the question. We know we're enjoying it. This mime is super fucking cool. It's just nice to be included.

And it feels good to be included. Your friends are enjoying it. Okay. After about five minutes of this, the mime starts getting a little rough. Picking you around. Tripping you. I kick the mimes ass.

I love how many of our questions. The mime won't leave you alone. What? The people around you still think it's funny. No matter what the mime is doing. Oh no. But the mime is starting to draw blood. What? And it's showing no signs of slowing down.

Jesus Christ. I think they think it's still funny because I'm not telegraphing my discomfort. I'm just trying to be a sport. Drawing blood? Is there anything else? Have you ever had one of your friends, really big dogs accidentally draw some blood for me

and you hide it so that no one feels bad? But that's just the dog, the dog's doing it by accident, the mime. Yeah, yeah, I remember this from college, like, you know, joke fight at the party becomes a real fight very late. Sure. Oh yeah. If this mime is like fake beating me up

and then like seems to accidentally hit me, but then starts hitting me some more. I think you go, ha ha, you drew blood, whoops. Yeah, ha ha, leave me alone, man. Yeah, as soon as the mime hurts me for real, I say, you need to stop, you hurt me for real. I don't care how much my friends make fun of me, I'm standing up to this mime.

Everyone is like, Murph, dude, he was just having fun. And I'm like, I don't think it's fucking funny, all right? I freak out on this mime so fast. Like, because the mime, it shouldn't be touching you at all. Like, why is everyone getting on? It's a bad mime. It's a bad mime. Keep in mind, your friends love it.

Your friends are going absolutely bananas. My friends will fucking make fun of me no matter what I do here. I can only compare it to like one time I was hanging out with my friends and one of their dogs just went nuts and we were all having fun. It was my fault.

I was encouraging the dog and it like, his tooth scraped me and it like started bleeding and it like was clearly infected because he had just been licking his butt. So it was kind of raw and red and I sat there trying to hide it and then it just was getting worse and worse and then I just went home so I could put Neosporin on it.

I just made up a lie that I was like, shit, oh shit, it's so late, actually I've been early. Looking at your festering wounds like it's a watch. Ah, it's a watch. It's getting kind of late. Just emulate the beginning of a zombie movie. Yeah. Okay, well I would say-

So I'd be like, oh my God, this is my fault. I riled up the mime. There's different rules for dogs and mimes. Yeah, there's absolutely different rules for mimes and dogs. I riled up the mime, this is my fault. Do you think I could take the mime, Jake? Just like honest judgment, like how jacked is this mime? I think you could take the mime, Jake? Just like honest judgment, like how jacked is this mime?

I think you could take the mime. I think the mime is not like super jacked, but like Emily said, they are riled up. A wiry mime, it seems like it's gonna be a scrap. The mime seems inexhaustible. Okay. Like they will go all day. And clearly the mime is ignoring mime rules,

so it couldn't like fight back with mime stuff. This mime sucks. This mime is not a real mime. This mime is a tactical mime. Maybe I'm like, hey back with mime stuff. This mime sucks. This mime is not a real mime. This mime is attacking me. Maybe I'm like, hey, whose mime is this? I think the only way to win this situation is you have to get the mime to speak. You have to get the mime to say like, fuck, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. You have to get the mime to apologize to you. Look cool, man. And then that like, dispells the curse. Yeah. I think you say like, tell me your full name. You have to get the mime to tell you like, actual facts about their life. I like tell me your full name. You have to get the mime to tell you like actual facts

about their life. I think- I bind thee with thy full name. I think when like a dog is jumping up, when a dog is jumping up and being too rough, or there's like, you know, somebody else's kid like punches you in the face or something. You need to be like, ha ha, don't punch Uncle Murph.

Yeah. That I think just you kind of have to deal with that. Yeah. A mime is a different thing altogether. I don't know. I don't know for sure. What do you mean you don't know for sure? You don't know this mime.

Of course I don't know this mime. If a stranger attacks me. I feel like the fucking nightmare situation here is that I'm like punching this mime and then like fucking Chappell Rowan is on stage like performing and she's like, hey, stop beating up that mime. And then like I mean that theoretically could happen.

Yeah and then you could yell he started it stop beating up that mime. And then like, I mean, that theoretically could happen. Yeah, and then you could yell, he started it. Yeah, I would say, look at my arm where the mime scratched me. And she said, you ruined Grinchella. I'm not saying I'm Grinchella, sir. I don't start swinging haymakers at the mime, I wrestle the mime. I push the mime back and I'm saying, do mime stuff.

If you wanna be annoying, pretend to like, throw like a fishing line at me or pretend I'm saying, do mime stuff. If you want to be annoying, pretend to like throw like a fishing line at me or pretend I'm in a box or something. Everyone's having fun. And then you reverse the situation. You've wrestled, you're on top of the mime and the mime starts acting like you're the aggressor. Then I back off and I'm like, get the fuck out of here.

And then you run at the mime and somehow the glass box works. Yeah. I think the thing is, is that like the I think strangers and stuff, I think like I can feel peer pressure from strangers. But because my friends razz me so much, I am immune to razzing to a certain extent where I'm like, you guys are going to make fun of me literally no matter what I do.

So their response to it does not affect me at all. If the question was like, everyone is horrified if you push the mime and everyone in the crowd yells at you, I might have a different answer. But if it's just my friends think it's funny that I'm getting picked on, I stop myself from getting picked on.

I feel like we keep coming up with like beautiful sayings in this episode, like religious-esque sayings. And if you fight a mime, you better win, really. You need to win so fast. You need to win so fast or the crowd's gonna turn on you. Yeah. Yeah. You gotta get that mime to say its full name in its rest. You need to throw the mime

and that's the end of the scuffle. Yeah. You need to. Cause otherwise, cause if you guys end of the scuffle. Yeah. You need to. Because otherwise, because if you guys are in the dirt, really, wrestler, no one's rooting for you. No one's rooting for you. The mime needs to skitter off. I try to efficiently push the mime as far away as I can. And then I go deeper into the crowd.

Right. But if the mime backs up and then squares off with you, and it's like you versus the mime, you've won. The crowd has turned on me so fast. I think if the mime like backs up and then like squares off with you and it's like you versus the mime, you won. The crowd has turned on me so fast. I think if the mime squares up on you, then actually it could be like, public approval could be, you know, sway either way. In the air, cause you're like, look,

we've elected to mutual combat. Yeah. You see the mime has put their dukes up and we're gonna do this, I guess. Oh, there's no way I win at that point. I get it in my own head. I think I've now I fully figured it out. I shove the mime off me because they're physically attacking me and I just go deeper into the crowd. I just leave my friends. I go watch the concert by myself.

You go watch it on a projection screen in the chill out tent. Yeah. Yeah. No, I go like into like the mosh pit or something. Yeah. I try to get away literally from everywhere. I think I assume it's my fault that I riled up the mime and then I make up an excuse to go home and put Neosporin on the cut. OK.

The next day you wake up and you are a mime. Ha ha ha. OK, so Em's not standing up to the mime. I am standing up for myself by leaving. Caldwell, what are you doing with this mime? Gosh, I really go either way on this. I do think that I'm going to try and fight this mime. If I'm at a party, if I'm at a fucking festival like this, I've had a few drinks.

My inhibitions have been loosened. I might try to fight this mime. I mean, they're attacking me. If this was happening to loosened. I might try to fight this mime. I mean, they're attacking me. If this was happening to one of my friends, I would fight the mimes. Right, totally. Right. Your friends in this situation are just laughing.

Yeah, Sabrina Carpenter is playing and like, she's got that hit song going on and we're all just in the mosh pit, beating up this mime. It could really work. I think I'm looking around, I'm like, there's mimes. We're at Coachella. What are we doing? We're all 40. What are we all doing here? Right. like, there's mimes. We're at Coachella. What are we doing? We're all 40.

What are we all doing here? Right. Yeah. You want to leave regardless of the mime situation. I get my Toyota Corolla. Yeah. And I leave after I shove the mime. This could be like your one chance to do the like Henry Cavill fist cock

and square up against the mime. And if you got to take it, I got to take it. I got to take this chance. All right. Jake, what are you doing about the mime? I am going to like swing wildly at the mime and kind of make it seem like it was an accident.

Like, you know, like I'm getting away, but I like throw an elbow really hard at the mime. Oh, so you just wildly throw elbows. Like you're playing basketball when somebody's like two on NBA Jam. When you get like a technical foul or something. Jake, that's really good. That's actually-

If you get the mime to bleed, that's gonna break the face pain up. I wish you said something earlier, cause that's actually the solve. It's the smartest solution. You just throw elbows. Because then you're also almost like reflecting this mime's game against him.

Right. You act like you're ticklish and you're like the mime, you go like, woo! And you throw elbows, whoa! Yeah, that's really good. You elbow the mime. I feel like, ooh, and you throw elbows. Whoa. Yeah, that's really good. You elbow the mime. I feel like that's a good solve for a lot of the surprise round questions

is just act ticklish and throw elbows. Yeah, right. Cause you could do that to your uncle when he tries to give you a mammoth as well. True, true. All right, well we figured this one out. You know, it's good to end on one that we just figured out correctly.

Good job, James. Yeah, great work, James. Great work, James. Great work, Jake. Nice job. Throw the NBA Jam Bags. Yeah, well, I looked at these ahead of time, so I took a lot of time. Yeah, you studied.

You wrote down the right answer. Yeah. All right, right on. We will be answering more of these over on our Patreon, patreon.com slash nadpod, that's N-E-D-D-P-O-D, don't sing yet. Ooh! Don't do it, don't do it.

I'm mime-ing singing. Does anyone have anything they'd like to plug? I have a couple P.O. Box things I'd like to shout out, if that's cool. Yeah. Yeah. We've gotten so much fun stuff. Just a couple of highlights.

Ellen in Stockholm, Sweden sent us a big package of books. Wow. Yeah. As well as a billion grills versus million dollar zine that they made. Oh, that's so fun. Ellen also ran the NAD pod fan art gift exchange this past year.

Oh, thank you for doing that. Yeah, that's so cool. It was really cool. If you go to a hashtag NAD pod gifting, you can look at all the artwork, a bunch of artists like exchange NAD pod themed art online. That's awesome. Devin AKA at Devin decibel sent us a one page RPG

they made called Elf with a 10 page backstory. Horrifying. That's really funny. It's about building a team of edgelords that have to try and wedge in their backstory during combat. I really want to go to try. Oh, my God. That's so funny. That's so funny. Michael G sent us a flippable D20 coin.

The first roll that they had on it was a two. I've been annoying Murph with it during our playing session. It's very clangy. I love it so much. Oh, and then Book Vars assistant Izzy F sent us a huge briefcase full of Tim Tams. My favorite candy. I didn't even tell me about it. I've just been eating them all myself. Respect Izzy. Thank you so much. Izzy. Oh, and then one last thing.

Thank you so much for all of the postcards y'all been sending in. Those are always a delight. They're also very easy to carry around. Yes, thank you, everybody, for all the nice little gifts you sent. We love the gifts. We appreciate you.

And you can follow us on social media. They're remain at use at chtmrpsme, at CaldysCaldwell, at y'all. This is Emily. At you go to Jake. And you can tweet about the show using hashtag NADPOD. That's N-E-D-D-P-O-D. see you next week. We are, we are, the youth of the nation. We are, we are, the youth of the nation. And now it's time to thank our benevolent council of elders, Brad D, Jeffrey S, Lord of the Fjord, Hugh C, Matt M, Cutter W, Jeff C, Daniel G, Danielle, the dastardly dame, Beardy, and the Nevelin, Council of Elders. Brad D, Jeffrey S, Lord of the Fjord. Hugh C, Matt M, Cutter W, Jeff C. Daniel G, Danielle the Dastardly Dame.

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Maggie S. Holly, the green laughing hyena finally caught up to the duck team. Akash Thakkar, Andrew, Crick Elf monk, way of the honor to cock. Dufinius, Aaron B. Russell H. A monk named Dilgo, yes the whole thing, yes every time. Cody C, Keychains Pentium II processor, Lorelai the succubi, Grinchomancer and Kira her dad. Your friendly neighborhood yont and yonkul, Andrew and Sid, John Adams the writing candidate for 2024. Meg the mail carrier manager of Bohemia. James F. Austin S. Wayfarer now has to do something with the trolls.

Get rid of them, turn to page 42. Keep them, turn to page 69. Shane C. Barpo Goodbarrel, bard, barian. Welshlander, Garrett G., one big curd. Havai, the half-orc. Renee, the monster captain. Box Clifton. Olivia, the enchanting bard, and

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Oh, it's V, Tommy W, Haley the Human, Megan N, Oak LinkedIn, Savannah H, Balnor's best friend Steve, Stephanie of House Inzunza, Benjamin A, Gimli the Corgi, Pawpaw and Foster's canine friend, Mickle A, Josh H, Froakie the Two, Crew Blue, Thru, Lulu Bug, the Crix, Nanafly, Scientist, Maple the Shy Bookworm, Asha Soraurus, Seth E., Billy Batson, Tori the Dragoose, and his husband, Karthu, Kiva Tassu, Werebear, Barbarian, and Champion of Uco. Michael, L.S. II, Jacob the Purveyor of Shenanigans, Nova Cry, Parcell, Dex R, Hannah A, Bastion, Fiddly Foop, Ace, Draggs, Highlord of Critsburg, Darius D, Troy's mom who has never played D&D,

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Thank you, everybody. That was a hate gum podcast.