Not Another D&D Podcast - Surprise Round! - The Bandicoot Method

Episode Date: July 12, 2024

Welcome to Surprise Round! A show inspired by our love of unhinged hypotheticals. Join Discussion Master Murphy as he leads a group of gaseously gifted youngsters through a series of wild scenarios that may or MAY NOT feature the Grinch.CREDITS:Sound Mixing and Editing by Trevor LyonSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Welcome to surprise round everybody. Everyone's so surprised. They're so scared. You got me there. Oh, Caldo's got it. That's the right tone. He's scared, but it's like a surprise party.

I'm going to be surprised, but it will be fun. Yeah, there you go. I actually, mean, the Grinch shows up. I'm gonna be surprised, but it will be fun. Yeah, there you go. I actually, you know what? This is Grinch light. I feel like I've got some new characters that I feel like I wanna add to the- Okay, I was wondering, cause I think last time we introduced Sonic

and that's when we were like, wow, the Nodpond universe is shit. Yeah, you have to do crop rotation. These submissions are kind of Grinch heavy this week. Oh, they're even now. Okay, okay. That actually works. We'll get it in.

We'll get it in. I could borderline go Grinch list because I think out of the 10 I wrote, which will be split between this and the bonus episode, or maybe less if I'm popular in it. If this preamble turns into nonstop Grinch questions from you, that would be impressive. That would be really funny.

I am not gonna do that to you though. I'm not going to do that to you. All right. So this is our show. If this is the first time you're tuning in, I just throw a weird hypothetical at my players here and they decide how they would handle it. Yes. Right. And with that, I've got our first one. Is everybody ready? Oh yeah. Yes. All right. You find a magical cursed copy of Crash Bandicoot 2 for PlayStation 1. The amount of time you put into playing this magic copy also counts as practice towards up to five other skills. For instance, if you picked the skills of basketball, guitar, language, physics, and weightlifting, you would log three hours of experience practicing those things every time you played three hours of Crash Bandicoot 2.

Whoa! Yes, sign me up. Sounds great. My brain would just be downloading. The catch, the catch, the catch. I'm turning off your mic. I don't care about the catch. The catch, the catch.

You must play three uninterrupted hours of Crash Bandicoot 2 every day. If you are interrupted, the clock restarts. If you ever fail to play three uninterrupted hours, you lose all of the skills you've learned, you become dumber than before, and lose experience in skills you already had. Do you play this copy of Crash Bandicoot 2? Immediately my brain goes to me taking a trip abroad and being like, going to like the hotel concierge and being like, I need a way to plug in this PlayStation One. Yeah.

Can you play it on an emulator? So that is part of it. Okay, you know what? No, cause it's the cursed copy. So you gotta bring it. So I do bet there's a way that you could rig a, you know, have like a tiny TV that you can play the PlayStation on. And then you'd basically, yeah,, you know, have like a tiny TV that you can play the PlayStation on.

And then you'd basically, yeah, if you traveled, you'd need to be able to somehow get a PlayStation one that could play this Crash Bandicoot. See, I've got a killer Duolingo streak, but that's only because you got to do like 10 minute lessons and I can crush that easily. But three hours sesh. I don't know, I got a sleepy household.

My wife and my daughter go to bed pretty early. I could definitely, and like, you know, let's face it, I've been gaming my whole life. I've been preparing for this. Right. But wow. Three hours is tough. Three hours is tough, especially three hours uninterrupted uninterrupted. So you can say like, dad's busy. I can't do anything right now and go back. That's fine. So the level of interruption is like, I can shut down anything that comes in. You can shut something down, but as soon as it's like, Jake, can you please help with the baby? If you say yes, and even if it takes a minute

that's interrupted, restart the clock. What about if you're in just a really short coma? That's true, yeah. For 24 hours? Just that reset, yeah. If you lose consciousness. A short one. Then you lose all your skills and you become dumber.

And you... I'm like thinking of things that are out of your control. Yes, that is definitely true. and you lose all your skills and you become dumber. I'm like thinking of things that are out of your control. Yes, that is definitely true. How much dumber than me now? Not that much. You would just become- How much dumber me become? So as rich as you get by using this copy of Crash Bandicoot 2, you could potentially lose that.

That amount. So for instance, you are like an avid bike rider. You really like riding your bike. You would instance, you are like an avid bike rider. You really like riding your bike. You would start, you'd be like, Oh man, I'm getting winded like instantly. I'm starting from scratch here. I'm picturing also like the electricity goes down and you're like, no, I need to go find a place to plug in my place. You have to get a, you have to get a backup generator and maybe even travel to it. Every night I fire up my gas generators so I can play Crash Bandicoot 2 after my wife goes to bed. It's perfect. It's foolproof. I mean, I think it's worth it.

Okay. Yeah. I want to know what skills. I was about to ask the same question. What are the five skills people choose? Five skills. Number one, being able to actually navigate the world around me because I have a terrible sense of direction. Okay, so like geography. Geography's gonna be one. Maybe climbing, I'd love to be able to do those long jumps where you jump from one handhold to another

and actually do it. That'd be cool. Just general empathy and understanding. Better at birthday gifts maybe. Sure, yeah. Yeah, just like studying your friends. Yeah, I'll say that would be a skill is just looking for thoughtful gifts. Just researching your friends. Yeah, I'll say that would be a skill is like just looking for thoughtful gifts.

Just researching your friends and family. You guys could just develop that skill pretty easily. Yeah, definitely. But could you do it while playing Crash Bandicoot 2 and learning like 200 languages? Could I do like body chemistry? Like I can just eat as many croissants as I want and it affects me. No.

No, that's not a skill. Digestion could be a skill. Digestion, maybe. I have a pretty decent digesting I want and it affects me. No, that's not a skill. Digestion could be a skill. Digestion, maybe. I have a pretty decent digestion and I consider it a skill. You could study biology. Digestion is one of your skills. What a waste of this courage.

Yeah, digestion is not really a skill. Yeah, because how much better? You have to have skills that you can show off. Yeah, I would say like nutrition, like if you wanted to become a nutritionist, you can study for it. I think an important thing to remember though, is that it is the hours that go into Crash Bandicoot 2

that go into these other skills. So just because you're like, I pick learning Spanish, for instance, right? It's just a three hour lesson. So I will probably be able to like, you know, pick it up pretty good and be conversational within like six months or something, but it's not something that I'm instantly gonna be awesome

at, you know what I mean? If I did this, I'm all languages and musical instruments. Which you could do. Which I think is a great use of it. I become a theremin maestro. Okay. I'm back on the violin. But here's the thing, I actually think I don't do this.

Yeah. Because I love eating shit at a hobby. I love getting humbled by things I'm not good at. So I think that like, cause I was like, oh, well would I put pottery in there? And I was like, no, I don't think I would. I love being bad at pottery. But you wouldn't automatically become awesome at it.

Like I'm saying, like it would just be an extra three hours every day. Three hours every day definitely would go a long way. I might just do five languages. Yeah, you could do that. And then, but no, but then you can never stop though. And then I'm like, well, I have all these languages. I can go travel the world.

And then there I am in Moscow and I'm like, well, can't go out of the hotel yet. I got a bandicoot. You got a log bite. I would do it and make it all about cash. I would become a Wall Street expert. Oh, interesting. So then your three hours a day is work really.

Oh, okay. Yeah, it's work. I know how to invest in the market. And then as soon as I get dumb, I still have that cash growing exponentially. That's so smart. I've made all these smart financial moves. Cause you're doing skills

that aren't fun to learn anyways. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I can spend my time surfing. Yeah. I think I'd do the stock market surfing and Spanish. Keep it all S-based. Yes. I'm picturing Jake in his office on Wall Street

and he's got those tinted windows so nobody can see what he's doing in there. He's a genius. No one knows what he does in there, but everything he thinks you should buy, he buys. They call him the bandicoot of Wall Street. I thought about this one for a while, and I think three hours versus two hours

is a world of difference. It really is. I think two hours is, for some reason, that's a no-brainer for me. I think I'd do this at two hours, and three hours, I'm leaning not doing it, because it's just so long. Mm-mm, yeah, it's a long time.

I don't have kids. And for me to like, I guess I could wake up at like five and just be like 5 a.m. to 8 a.m. is my bandicoot time. And then I'm just, yeah, that's just my bandicoot time. But you guys can't do that. Like you guys have to get up anyway. A three hour coot session? That's going to be tough.

Just, yeah, just picturing your wives being like, cool, so you're gonna do this for three hours, I'm gonna take care of the kids so you can surf and learn how to digest materials. You'd have to learn like two self, you need two selfless skills. The financial stuff, that's smart. That's like the only way to monetize it.

Because I also, it would be, that's a good way to think of it, is like what are the things I wanna be good at but it isn't pleasurable to monetize it. Because I also, it would be, that's a good way to think of it. It's like, what are the things I want to be good at, but it isn't pleasurable to learn? Yeah. Right, right. Yeah. It would be awesome to just know how all of that works. I think part of it for me would be like weightlifting

because I do think like, I don't know, working out is a pain in the ass. And so just sitting there in blank crash bandicoot two and getting jacked would be so sweet. Would it work like that though? Yeah. Oh, it works like that though? Yeah. Oh, it works like that. Yeah, it's your skill.

It's any skill that you want to get good at, you get better at and thus like your body will change, your mind will change. Gotcha. Et cetera. Oh my God, one of the things could be meditation. Sure. Imagine you meditated three hours a day

by playing Crash Bandicoot. Yeah. You honestly might find intervise. Yeah. Crash could make you rich, You honestly might find inner peace. Yeah. Wow. Could make you rich jacked and completely at peace. Rich jacked and brilliant. Okay. I'm doing all unfun hobbies that I use the rest of my day. I am wondering, I am wondering though, to Emily's point of like,

you're learning all these languages. I feel like this comes up a lot on surprise round is like you become this awesome robust person and then can't travel because of the stupid thing. I think I think that's easy enough because like the PS one they sold a portable travel size a while back. You get that you get like a portable TV. Okay, you can like set this up and I think like there are going to be some times you have to explain to your friends. You're like having a great night out. You're at the discotheque and you say like, I'm so sorry. I got to set up. And I think like, there are going to be some times where you have to explain to your friends, you're like having a great night out, you're at the discotheque. And you say like, I'm so sorry, I got to set up. Yeah, dude, I think I think saying daddy's busy is fine.

Yeah, to my friends and to my family. I'll just constantly say daddy's busy. I think one of my skills I would also learn now that I'm like thinking less skills that would be fun to learn. I would learn veterinary science. Cause then I could take care of my cats and I wouldn't have the hurdle of the fact that I'm bad at science.

Yeah. That's true. And you could also make a lot of cash. During your break. It's the cats of your sick friend. An unlicensed veterinarian. Yeah. Famously people who take care of stray cats are so rich.

Where did you go to school? Crash Bandicoot. Well, you gotta think that like mafia people have pets too. So like you could take care of mafia pets. You could be like a back alley veterinarian. Or I could be like so good at veterinary science that they're like, we trust you to work on our guys. For three hours a day.

Yeah, yeah. People who have become vet studied longer than that. Nah, I think in two years I'm a mafia doc. Yeah. I'm the reluctant mafia doc with a heart of gold. Yeah, you either go to vet school or you just game for three hours a day.

So are people on board for this Crash Bandicoot thing? Here's what I think, I'm definitely on board. Yeah, I'm fully in. I think the hard thing is narrowing it down to the five skills that I want to learn, but it's a no brainer for me. Okay. Yeah. It's a no brainer for me,

but I do think that I'm hubristic about it and absolutely fail and get dumber. Like I just, I see that happening. I don't think I'm organized enough to not fuck this up. I also feel like I'm- So I therefore do not do it. And yes, you could say one of your skills is organization. That's too abstract. I don't believe that it would work out. Yeah. One of my one of my skills was remembering to do Crash Bandicoot. Maybe I could do that. But I think that ultimately is fine.

Too close to the sun. Yeah. I also think maybe that I unravel pretty quickly being worried about because I'm a worrier. So I think just every day. Are you allowed to listen to a podcast while you play Crash Bandicoot? Yeah, why not? Okay, so it doesn't require your entire concentration? You just need to be playing Crash Bandicoot for real. Does it work after you beat the game?

You just keep playing, you can new game plus it and keep playing and still gain more skills? Yes, you keep playing. I mean, you're gonna beat it like day two global. That's true. Wow. I don't know, I haven't played Crash Bandicoot. I don't know how much rich content is in there.

Does a bandicoot have a infernal mode like Diablo? No, definitely. It's going to be. You're going to hate this game. You're going to hate this game day three. I overlooked the idea that, you know, Crash Bandicoot will get boring. That you will hate doing it. Really? Actually, I don't even need to make meditation one of my skills because it will become a meditation in itself.

Right. True. You know. I do have my other two skills, by the way, I'm going to be good at a language, either French or Japanese, I think. And my final one is I'm going to inherently develop the skills to draw a manga week to week, like a traditional manga cock can, because that's something I don't have right now. I don't have that fire and that spark. And if I could just be like drawing like beautiful manga panels every week, fuck, that would be good for me. I mean, of course I would need to spend most of my time playing Crash Bandicoot. If I'm also putting out like an award winning manga as well,

like that's great, I'm winning. I'm doing Arabic, I'm doing Sanskrit, I'm doing Japanese, the hardest languages. And I'm doing veterinary science and then also just being hot. Whatever the workout was. Whatever the workout is to be hot. Okay, because that's similar to digestion.

Sure. But my digestion, the skill's already there. I don't need to digest metal. I'm doing fine with food. And I'm soccer, surfing, stock market, Spanish, and... Give yourself a fun one. Sewing. There you go.

Sewing is great. Oh, that's so smart. Okay, I'm gonna swap out Sanskrit because that was more of like a, I wanted to be able to read the texts. I'm gonna swap that out for sewing. Okay. And fuck it, I'm gonna do surfing too.

Actually, I'm just gonna do Jake's. Okay, yeah, yeah. Yeah, let's play. Jake's is good, honestly. Let's surf and sew together, dude. Yeah, man. I'll surf you a board. It is a way to kind of hack this question

to just be like, I'm going to earn a bunch of money playing Crash Bandicoot, and then when I'm dumb, it's fine, I have a lot of money. Yeah. And I'll just have a surf instructor after that. And this is what happens is you get stranded on a desert island when you're surfing too much. Yeah. A lot of money. Yeah. I'll just have a surf instructor after that. And this is what happens is you get stranded on a desert island when you're surfing too much. Yeah.

A wave takes you out. Holy shit. That's crazy. You gotta watch out for the undertow. Then you can't bandicoot. I'll sew us an SOS flag and we'll get rescued. Okay. Damn, it's airtight.

Will you be rescued in time to play three hours of Crash Bandicoot that day? Well, he's gonna sew so well that it says SOS PS bring Crash Bandicoot. Yeah. Parenthesis two, parentheses the cursed copy that I own. All right. I like these Crash Bandicoot questions because they all revolve around like this spectral presence of Crash Bandicoot like looming over you.

Yeah. Oh, I forgot that he beat us up last time. He beat us up last time. Haunted by the Bandicoot. He's entered the pantheon. Yeah. What if you took on both those? Yeah.

I think Crash should drive me mad and thus I'm not doing this. So I'm just, I'm out. I think I'm just too, I don't think I'm organized enough to definitely do it every day. Yeah. And I'm accepting and failing.

Right on. Okay. I've got another one for everybody. Please. Let's hear it. This one I have an answer for right off the bat, but I'll let you guys discuss amongst yourselves. You can choose to live in a world where X-Men is real

and you are one of them. Oh. You live in a giant technologically advanced mansion with all of your super powered friends and fight super villains. Whoa. The catch, your powers that you have full control of your farts, which are so rancid

that they act like tear gas. Your code name is Coloss Ass and your superhero suit requires you to have your butthole exposed. Do you wish to be an X-Man? Yeah, for sure. Really? This sounds really funny.

I would 100% just lean into the bit. I'd be the campy X-Men character that most people kind of disliked. And I would have a great time. The X-Men's been going since like the 60s. There is a non-zero chance that this X-Men absolutely exists. Yeah, I mean, there's definitely one that has like fart. If there is parallel thinking, my friends. Yeah, I'm not accusing Murph of plagiarism. The exposed asshole is all Murph though. Yeah, the exposed asshole.

I don't know how much they do that in X-Men, but. I think they tastefully cover it with like a bush or like a soda can or something like that. I'll just Google X-Men whose powers are farts. Top result, a Reddit thread. Do you think Nightcrawler smells like he's farting all the time? Oh, because of the sulfur. Because the sulfur gets left behind. Yeah, that's not good.

He's probably going to wear a lot of deodorant and that's not going to be fun on fur. But we never see Nightcrawler's buttholes. So Murph's idea is pretty unique. Yeah, completely original. I'm sure there's X-Men who have gas powers, but I'm saying you would be that X-Men. I think I do. I definitely take this.

Wow. Yeah. Like it sounds fun. Yeah. I feel like, wouldn't you be jealous though, of just being like, you teleport, you have eye beams, you have claws. I fart.

To me, part of wanting to be a superhero. The eye beams are terrible. Like isn't Cyclops like as soon as he like takes off the glasses. He's got to wear that is true. But I'd rather have that than rancid farts. But I mean, are the you're like describing I'm living in a house with people. Also, if it's a superpower, it means I can control it. Yeah, you can control it.

You can control it around the house. I'm not actually like a social pariah amongst my friends. No, you're not. It is your power. It's just a weapon. And you could be like the dark phoenix here. Like you could have like a secondary mutation of your fart ability that will save the future of X-Men. Like you don't know what's gonna happen.

When the freaking sentinels show up and you're blasting them with like supersonic farts, you save the day. Like maybe, you know what? It's a lot of responsibility, but it's a blessing you can't say no to. Yeah, I think I'm a little shy about everyone seeing my anus. I'm probably out. I think so. Part of it for me is like part of the reason I would want to be like X-Men is like wish oh, having a cool superpower. So if X-Men is real and I'm the worst X-Man and everyone else has very cool powers

and mine is very strange and embarrassing, I'm out. No, I go up to the villain and I say, stare down the barrel of my gun and I'm looking at my fucking exposed butt in his face and I release my superpower. Oh, wow. I think for me, the fantasy of X-Men is that kind of like communal living.

Okay. I love, yeah, Emi and me are on complete opposite sides of this because this to me, if I'm a colossal ass and I'm just farting and I'm hanging out with like Nightcrawler and Storm, I'm just like, what the fuck am I doing here? This is humiliating. Right, but there are other X-Men

that don't like their powers, you know? And I'd be the person who was inspiring them because they'd be like, man, I'm like so embarrassed that I'm like brightest the sun. And I'll be like, you know what? I'm fucking proud that I released rank ass parts. And they would be like, you're right. If you can be proud of that, I can be proud of anything.

Could I wear like a little, like a little kilt or something? So that is, oh, maybe. And I do have like an accent or something like that. Cause I feel like some of the fun X-Men with weird powers have an accent. I'm thinking like Gambit. So I'm like Scottish Gambit. You're Scottish.

I'm Scottish Gambit and I like rip ass a lot. Yeah, I guess you could. He's a fat bastard, really. He just bitched fat bastard. Yeah. Parallel thinking, a lot. Yeah, I guess you could. He's a fat bastard, really. You just pitched fat bastard. Yeah. Parallel thinking, parallel thinking. Yeah. I know that now.

You wanna be a fat bastard, bro. Come to the party, it's gonna be a gas. What if I got really cool gloves and every time I farted, I just like put my hand down. Pretended like you would do. You stuck your hands out, no. And I pretended like it was coming from my hand. No, no, no, no.

It comes out of your ass. You can pretend. And that would be like friendly fire though. You can pretend it's coming out of your hand. There's so many psychic people that say no. But it's coming out of your ass. Right, totally. But I wonder if I could just trick everybody to be like,

oh yeah, that guy radiates scents from his hands. Or you don't even do. You have like a little tube coming out that looks like a monkey tail. That's true, like Pyro. Like Pyro? Like Pyro dude. Pyro has little tubes, so you can have tubes coming out of your butt.

You got the kilt, you got the tubes. I don't need the butt tube that comes to my palm. Okay, so you have a butt tube that goes into a backpack. Covered by a kilt, covered by a kilt. So okay, so this is all going on under the spandex that you have on. Right? So you have a spandex suit. You have a butt tube that goes into a backpack

and then the tubes go into your hands. And so you look super high tech. You look like Pyro, but you have fart powers. But I know you could, I mean, yes, your butt is exposed if someone sees you, but if someone sees you from the front, they just think, oh, this person is like a genius at making machines. Yeah. Yeah.

What other kind of machines can you make colossal? Just, just this one with mostly bad ones that make weird sounds. Um, is, is there any wiggle room on the name? Could I be Miasma? No, you're Colossus. It's gotta be Colossus. Yeah. Okay, interesting. I mean, it's not a great name,

but also it's like bad in a way that is still kind of funny. Yeah. So I would still enjoy it. It's better than just having your name be like Fart. Yeah. I'm into it. If I was ever in a room where somebody farted, I could just look at everybody and be like, you'd know if it was me.

And that's kind of like a cool vibe. That's a cool vibe. It's not silent, but it is deadly. That's a cool vibe. I think I'm into it. If I'm on the show, is it like at least one episode where I get featured, where I get the title treatment? So it's not a show, X-Men is just real.

You leave your life and become an X-Man. Okay. And just, you are fart. You have fart powers. Every time that we're getting ready, has anyone seen Portrait of a Woman on Fire? I haven't, sorry about that. The movie.

There's this really nice scene where they're all just making dinner together. And it's really soothing. It's like communal domestic cooperation. You want the big chill. Yeah, you want the big chill, but with X-Men. OK, I haven't seen the big chill. OK, we got to do a movie swap.

Yeah, we really do. See, I've seen a portrait of a woman on fire. The ride. I've been on the ride. Really? Yeah, but I haven't seen the movie. It'd be a hot ride. Yeah. It's wild. Six Flags over Texas.

It's crazy. Yeah. So I think I'm focusing on. Superpower jealousy, not a thing for you guys? Because if I was transported to a world with superpowers and I had terrible superpowers and other people around me had cool superpowers, I would unravel. So I do think that it's not the worst superpower.

As long as it's powerful, even if it's stupid. Yeah, it's powerful. I guess not, it is not the worst one. I would still feel powerful. I've read enough X-Men to know that there are much worse powers out there. That is definitely true. The classic example, of course, is Beak whose powers he's got a beak.

Yeah. You're doing better than Beak. Really? Yeah. Beak might be able to fly. But probably with our powerful farts, we could at least hover in the air. Yes. Beak can fly.

Beak can fly. Yeah, but it's true. We could do like a rocket jump with our farts. Yeah, exactly. No, I didn't say that. I said it smells bad. It smells bad. You have really powerful farts. Well, fine, but I'll be so powerful

that Beak will be like, hop on my back. I'll get you closer to the villain. But don't be near me. I think I'm going to take it, but I'm going to need constant pep talks from Professor X. Yeah. I'm going to take it and just lean into sucking. Could you stand on the other side of the room, please?

You're very important. I feel like nobody respects me, Professor. We need you. You're very powerful in your own way, colossal. Okay, so Em's taking it right away. She's into it. I'm too jealous of other superpowers. I'm out.

I think I do like a with great responsibility comes great power. Wait, is the other way around? Yeah. But that's colossal. Wait, is the other way around. Yeah. With great, but that's colossal. That's why I'm a father. I wanted to know that great power, so I sought great responsibility.

The greatest superhero of all, dad. Yeah, no, and I do it too. You do too. And I just make it more about the gear. I'm not doing exposed anus, I'm doing butt too. Yeah, I do think the pyro work around is good. Yeah, if you don't know who Pyro is, he's from X-Men and he can manipulate fire,

but does not create fire. So he's got a backpack on that makes fire and then he has like flamethrower things on his hand. So you guys would have that, but for farce. He's like the Zippo kid at high school but made into an X-Men. Yeah, it's that but it's connected to my ass. And of course I'm wearing a kilt.

So like whenever my kilt's blowing up, like you know that shit's about to go down. Yeah. Shit is literally about to go down. Get out of my belly. Do we want to, yeah. Caldwell Cannon wants to be Fat Bastard from Austin Powers. I think I don't, I don't lead into an Austin Powers

character, I just am a full dirt bag. Yeah, I just like suck and I'm a little raunchy. Yeah, oh you feel like everyone's in the kitchen preparing dinner and you're like, I hope you brought beans. No, no, no, because then, because then, like I said, I can control my farts, so I'm not doing it around the house, so I'm not actually a social pariah.

Okay. So we have really sweet domestic scenes, and then when we're out fighting the villains, I'm just like, taste my fart. You're like out on the firing range where Jean Grey is like practicing her telepathy, and you're just like blasting farts and then you two like connect over like your relationship problems and stuff like that. Oh, wow. Yeah, I probably would have a lot of relationship problems.

You would have a lot of relationship problems. In this situation. Okay, cool. I feel like I pushed people away. Oh, you did that on purpose. I know for a fact you can control it. All right, why don't we throw to a submitted question. We got some questions from our Patreon.

Yes, all right, we sure do. This one comes from Baku Raptor and they write, one warm summer evening, you're enjoying a walk in the woods by yourself when all of a sudden there was a huge bang and something smashes into the ground a few meters from you. Oh my god, aliens. As you approach it,

you begin to make out something green and furry. Yeah, aliens. You see that lying broken on the forest floor. There's someone in an incredibly realistic Grinch costume or hell for all you could do. It could be the Grinch himself. Stay with me now. We'll make a hat that says,

or hell it could be the Grinch himself. It's like one of those shirts where it starts on the front and ends on the back or hell. And it looks like he's on death's door. It's like one of those jokes where it starts on the front and ends on the back. Yeah. Or hell. And it looks like he's on Death's door. The Grinch groans feebly, reaches out a weak arm to you, and says, My life force is fading. Please take my hand and let me imbue you with my Grinchly essence.

You will get all of my Grinch superpowers as long as you're willing to devote yourself, body and soul to the sacred ways of Grinchhood. This is the fucking Grinch superpowers, as long as you're willing to devote yourself, body and soul to the sacred ways of Grinch hood. This is the fucking Grinch lantern. The Grinch falls unconscious before you can ask him any questions. You have no idea what superpowers he's talking about, whether taking his hand would transform you into a Grinch-ly version of yourself or anything else.

Whatever the case, he is fading fast. You've got to decide now. Do you take the Grinch's hand? I definitely don't. I don't think the world needs your Grinchly energy. I whisper as I give him a Viking funeral. I try to help the Grinch. I'm literally like, Hey, I'm going to call the EMTs. I'm not going to touch you. Cause I don't want any of this stuff you're talking about.

The paramedics show up and I'm like, yeah, he didn't say anything. Yeah, don't, don't touch this guy. But like if he got gloves or something, I guess. He really wants to in depth transfer his grinchliness. He wants to pass on the grinchliness. I guess if he did like a cool display of, like if he showed up and was like hovering and flying

and then like fell down. I mean, he did rock a cool display of pat like if he showed up and was like hovering and flying and then fell down Oh god Right, we got thrown out of like a off like a cliff or thrown out of first-class Grinch service Yeah, does the question say what his spacecraft looks like? No, he just land he just land. Oh, okay It's supposed to be vague. I think the Grinch is loose I definitely don't take it but I walk away being like is. I think the Grinch is loose. I think the implication of this, I definitely don't take it, but I walk away being like, is every shooting star a Grinch?

A Grinch, yeah. A Grinch who's burning so bright. Yeah, make a wish upon a Grinch. I do think like most of these questions, this does ruin my life, no matter what I choose, because I do think turning it down, then I'm just every night,

I'm just like, what were his powers? Going to the original text though, what do we think are his powers? Like he has a pretty cool cave that he lives. It's not cool. He lives alone really confidently. He's not super confident. Where are you getting this?

He's actually insanely meaty. Yeah. Oh yeah, I can see that. He just stares at Whoville from a cave. Who's to say this isn't how the Grinch got to Whoville in the first place? True, yeah, we don't know. He might have like, yeah.

It might have been like, you know. It does vaguely seem like he's immortal. He was like a shooting star that landed right outside of Whoville. Uh-huh, totally naked. Wow. What the hell? There's, oh no, we have a mixed bag that we have to do.

What's going on? I Googled the Grinch's cave, hoping to see like, cartoon images of the Grinch's cave, but there's all of these videos of, stay inside the Grinch's cave in Utah during the holidays. What? Stay inside the Grinch cave. So there's a real life Grinch cave.

I guess maybe they kept the, what the fuck? I guess I know we're recording all of our holiday content. Stay in the Grinch's cave in Utah this holiday season for less than $20. What? That's too cheap. That's way too cheap, I'm out. Okay, vacation rental management,

some platform has the recreation of the lair belonging to Dr. Seuss's fan favorite characters. The Grinch will open his doors to visitors for a limited time. Located on a remote property outside of Boulder, Utah. The lair is a massive 5,700 square feet spread across several levels. Okay. I'm looking at pictures of it.

It actually isn't that cool. Why is it $20 a night? I don't. several levels. Okay, I'm looking at pictures of it. It actually isn't that cool. This is not cool at all. Why is it $20 a night? I don't- I really need clarification on that. Okay, wait, the Grinch hasn't, I guess I haven't seen this movie in a minute. The Grinch has an organ, like a piano.

That's from- That's from the Illumination movie. All right, there you go. Yeah, that's from the recent Grinch movie. So I think they remade Jim Carrey's thing, and this was in 2021, so I think that since they may have closed down the, I hope so.

Damn. Okay, I'm gonna click on the link that says you can book it. And they were doing it for $20 a night? I think you could still stay in the Grinch's, oh wait, the cave is fully booked, but you can still explore it. Well, of course it is, it's 20 bucks a night.

That's a great place. Yeah, all the Grinch heads gotta get in there. Maybe it's $20 a night, because know people are only going to stay for like two hours because they're going to get out. May I ask you? We know you want to fuck in the Grinch's cave. Because it's rancid with other people's fuck. Couples, we know you've come here to fuck.

The Grinch's cave, it looks fine. There's like a couple of touches that are fine. The bedroom is terrible. There's only one bedroom. It's looks fine. There's like a couple touches that are fine. The bedroom is terrible. There's only one bedroom? It's multiple rooms? There's multiple bedrooms. Grinch has a guest room. That's accurate.

He does have a guest room. Yeah, he has a guest room. There's some fun touches. The Oregon with all the pipes is pretty cool. There's like a library section that looks kind of interesting. That does seem fun. I feel like unless the Grinch shows up and is like,

what are you doing in my house? I don't want to go. I feel like I need that. That makes you want to go more? To apply Max, I need that. Okay, so what do we think based on like the original text though, what do we think that- Making your heart grow when you're happy.

Oh, you can change the size of your organs. That's your superpower. Yeah, he was also as strong as 10 men, right? When he saved Christmas at one point. That's true. That is a superpower. Wait, really? He lifts a whole sled above his head at one point,

doesn't he? Interesting. I can lift a sled above his head. I don't know. I've seen every version of the Grinch at this point. Can the Grinch lift a sled? Maybe I'm thinking of Aladdin with the 10 men strength. Yeah, that doesn't sound like the Grinch. I like the idea though, that they're just like, what? Maybe I'm thinking of Aladdin with the 10 men strength. Yeah, that doesn't sound like the Grinch.

I like the idea though that they're just like, hey, this guy. Okay, it says, yes, the Grinch is shown to have superhuman strength in both the 2000 live action film and animated TV special. Thank you. When he lifts a sleigh full of presents over his head and stops it from going off a cliff.

I do remember that now. Okay. Okay, so you get super strength. You do get super strength. Super strength and like the confidence to just like, you know, make a home for yourself. I don't want to look like the Grinch. I don't want to look like the Grinch.

Maybe it's like a full moon situation. Maybe it only happens at Christmas, like Santa Claus style. It could be, but you can't assume that. I don't want anything to do with the Grinch powers. We've seen the Grinch during the day. That's true. I do ask an astronomer, is every shooting star a Grinch?

Okay. A flame. Oh, interesting. I actually, I have like a page that's kind of the Grinch's character skills. Skills and powers, yeah. Sure, yeah. Pull them up.

On the Grinch Wiki, yeah. Okay, so strength lifted the slay over his head with the strength of 10 Grinches plus two. 10 Grinches? Oh, okay. Yeah. Fold and lifted the townigh over his head with the strength of 10 gringes plus two. 10 gringes? Oh, okay. Yeah. Fold and lifted the town tree without his strength boost. So that's, you know, without the heart growing and stuff.

Yeah. He has durability survived the crash dummy test and I think Grinch 2000. Oh yeah, he can like slink. He like slinks around. Oh yeah, his stealth is off the charts. He's so slinky. And one of his skills is that he stole Christmas,

visited 223 houses in seven hours, which is, I guess, pretty good. Yeah. I could visit 223 houses in seven hours. But could you steal all the gifts? Honestly, if I caroled for seven hours, I hope I hit up 223 houses. But he is packaging up all of these houses,

stealing every gift, even the tree. And the last bit of who hash. Okay. Okay. There's not even a crumb for the who little mouses. Who hash? Yeah. Like weed? No, it's not weed. It's just a can of hash. Oh, yeah. Can of hash? Yeah. Who hash? It's like a can of like, I don't know, meat from It was a- It's what people used to eat. Okay, okay, cool, cool. And the Grinch steals that because he loves it so much. See, I don't want to be the Grinch. Yeah, I think I think-

I know it's a little Grinchly of me to say that. I will try- No. Oh shit, did you accidentally take the deal? Yeah. The powers are good, but they're not worth being the Grinch, if that makes sense.

And also it seems like whatever his powers were, they led to his untimely death in like a really violent man. Falling out of the sky. Yeah. I don't want to deal with this. Do you think you could like chop the hand off and then like bag it up and then just like, kind of like have it as like an emergency reserve?

I don't know. I don't think I would do that because I think I would like maybe have at least the respect to not tamper with his dead body. I wouldn't just desecrate his corpse. I would say. Aside from that being just morally reprehensible, I think it wouldn't work

because he is transferring his life force to you. I would say him making that offer to me, I would just be very comforting and be like, shh, shh, you're okay, I'm gonna get you some water. I definitely would fully call 911. Yeah, yeah, of course. I would pretend like I didn't hear and be like, shh, shh, you're okay, I'm gonna get you some water. You know? I definitely would fully call 911. Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah, I would pretend like I didn't hear and be like, I'm gonna get you help.

Your life force, don't worry. Hey, your life force isn't going anywhere. Oh, that's good. Positive pep talk. Yeah. You keep your life force, man. You're not going anywhere. Just to keep it in the Jim Carrey realm though,

what if it works like the mask, and if you don't take this deal, somebody else is going to, and they're gonna use the Grinch powers for worse, for evil. I mean, they're just what if it works like the mask and if you don't take this deal, somebody else is going to, and they're gonna use the Grinch powers for worse, for evil. I mean, they're just gonna use it to be the Grinch, which is fine. Yeah, the Grinch is fine. The Grinch is fine.

The Grinch is gonna steal a couple trees and then learn a lesson. Yeah, yeah. You had to notice him up until this point. The Grinch is straight up not that bad. Wow, you know what's a Grinch power that we haven't talked about? The ability to recognize when you're wrong.

Wow, that could be good for me. Yeah. I was just talking about chopping off a Grinch's hand. Maybe I need that. Shit, I take the deal. Okay. All right. Cool.

This episode of NAD pod is brought to you by Mando, the whole body deodorant that can help you smell fresh all day long. Mando doesn't cover up odor after the fact with heavy fragrances, like other deodorants. It stops odor at the source by blocking the bacteria on your skin from eating your sweat, which is the actual cause of BO. Damn, didn't know you were a freak like that, bacteria. Thankfully, Mando is clinically proven to control odor for up to 72 hours so you can go about your day without the threat of your sweat being slurped by microscopic critters. It's also got a great variety of unique scents.

My personal favorite is Mount Fuji. It's got this crisp floral flavor to it that makes me feel like I'm hiking in a mountain in springtime when in fact I'm just getting a little sweaty from fighting a difficult boss in Bloodborne. Ah. In fact, I'm just getting a little sweaty from fighting a difficult boss in Bloodborne. Ahhhhh. So, if you're ready to cut off your nasty bacteria sweat supply and smell great in the process, get yourself some Mando Whole Body Deodorant. Right now, new customers get $5 off Mando's best-selling starter pack with code PAWPAW

at ShopMando.com. That's one solid stick deodorant, one cream tube deodorant, and two free products of your choice in your discounted starter pack when you use code pawpaw at shopmando.com. That's S-H-O-P-M-A-N-D-O.com. Okay, that's it for me. Thanks for listening and stay fresh, y'all.

Hey everybody, it's Emily here to talk to you about Squarespace. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time, all in one place, all on your terms. So if you're a creative looking for someplace to upload videos or sell memberships, courses, music, ebooks, the list goes on.

Look no further. With Squarespace you can create a completely personalized website with the guided design system Squarespace Blueprint. Then, easily launch your website and get discovered fast with integrated optimized SEO tools so you show up more often to more people and grow the way you want. So check out squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch go to squarespace.com slash papa to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's squarespace.com slash p-a-w-p-a-w. Goodbye, sweeties.

I've got one here. Ready, everybody? Yeah. You are traveling to a city for work. You don't have any friends in the area. What city? I don't know. A city you haven't seen. That is just a cool city. Sarasota? Sure. Sarasota.

What was that song? What was that song? Keep going. I love to. What was that song? Have a jingle? What was that song? It's a jingle for, I lived in Albany

and there was a jingle for Saratoga. Okay. So I sang the Saratoga. Sarasota, take a sip. Yum. Okay. So you're traveling to Sarasota. Sarasota, take a sip. Yum. Okay. So you're traveling to Sarasota for work. You don't have any friends in the area,

but want to see the sights. So you find a cute bar on Yelp and grab a drink while enjoying a book. As you're chilling there, a group of greasers enter the bar and begin hassling you for reading. Merv and I just saw the bike riders. We just saw bike riders. So this is, it's fresh in my mind.

They got leather jackets and straight up grease. Austin Butler is like hassling me. Yeah. Okay. So one of them comes up to you and says, Hey, what are you some kind of bookworm? And you go, yeah, I guess. This response absolutely cracks them up and the greasers go wild.

The boss puts his arm around you and goes, I like you kid, you got moxie. You spend the rest of the night partying with the greasers who have affectionately named you worm. Oh my God, this is awesome. You are the wife of the party and life is good. Did you say the wife of the party? You are the life of the party. No, no, no, I'm my name's worm,

I'm the worm wife of the party. The worm wife of the party. All right, you are the wife of the party. For sure. All right, you are the wife of the party and wife is good. Until a younger greaser gets jealous of the attention you are getting and challenges you to a fight. The boss responds for you, fists or knives.

The young greaser responds. I say books and it becomes a battle at the wits. The young greaser responds. Neither. Slappies. The boss nods solemnly then turns to you and says we'll see you in the back lot in 10 minutes. The greasers file out the back door. The front door looks unguarded and your car is parked nearby. What do you do? I think I do quite literally book it. What do we do? It's a pun, so they would respect that. Oh, that's cute. Because I just had, I just peeked. You just peeked. I peeked. I don't actually join up with them because if I suddenly join up with greasers, I don't have time to read books. You

can't read a book on a motorcycle. So ultimately this is a one night affair no matter what. But Emily, think about how cool you would look with a leather jacket, like reading a book with one hand kind of perched on your motorcycle. Okay. I grabbed someone's leather jacket and then booked it. It's true. You could just buy a motorcycle. I don't have to dedicate to the greaser lifestyle. No doubt if the situation is the person says fists or knives and then picks one and then they say, we'll see you out back. I leave. Yeah. But once the game is called slappies, I'm like, I feel like I could get into a slap fight and that would be fine.

Is there other, do we have to find rules for slapping? Absolutely not. It's literally like slappies. All right. And you just like nods and just like see our back worm. Oh my God. Yeah. So the boss looks solemn. Everyone was having fun until this greaser challenged you. And did it seem like I could take this greaser?

What's his step? Yeah. So I'll say, I'll say the greaser roughly the same as you in stature. So it seems like a pretty close fight. So it could be a pretty even match. Pretty even match. It does not seem like they're gonna kick your ass.

Right. But under normal circumstances, if somebody was like, do you wanna fight with knives or fists? You'd just be like, neither. I'm not actually friends with these dudes. I'm gonna leave. Slappy's though, there is a feeling of,

there's also a curiosity what is slappy. But also, wouldn't you also just be like, what the hell's your problem with me? I'm just trying to hang out here. I think that it would be nice to be like, I don't actually wanna join up with them, cause again, I'm a reader. You don't have to join up.

But there is a nice idea that I see them once every six months and they come to my wedding. Yeah. They do seem like a great group of guys. Yeah. We can start going to Sarasota slash Saratoga on the reg. Anytime you're in Sarasota. Yeah.

Oh, it is something, it is interesting to consider. It's just the, when you're in Sarasota, it's just, let's face it, it's not gonna be that often. Maybe, oh, you win at Slappy's and then you like write your name and number in a book and toss it to them and say like, if you need the worm, you know where to find them. The problem is that you don't totally know what Slappy's is.

So Slappy's could be deadly for some reason. It's true, you could roll out there and there's just a guy with a shovel. Yeah, yeah. We're like, we call it Slappy's because we want it to sound cute. Yeah. Oh yeah.

I'm with Emily. I feel like this night has peaked. Yeah, I do kinda agree. I've taken this ride as far as I want it to go. And like, even if I won it, Slappies, I'm only ingratiating myself further into the gang, which I actually don't want to join. So I think I'm like, I think I'm just, yeah, I'm out.

I think I also like leaving them that way because there is like a mythos to me now. Like where did she go? Where did Worm go? Man, Worm was, we had a great night with Worm and then Worm just slipped out into the night. Right. That was the best night of our life. Well, you have to assume that they probably would think of Worm as a coward. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm too much of a social coward to say no here. I feel like I'm going out

there. But the thing is you can can just you can just slip out. So the greasers are just going out the back door. So you even if you're social coward, because I am also a social coward. So somebody was like, you're doing slappies? I'd be like, yeah, sure. And then I'd make my decision after

everyone left. I think it works out great because like, you know, I'm trying to think this all the way through. If I win, do I just have to live in Sarasota now? No, I think you just get the respect. Okay. I think the party just keeps going I think it's a win-win like I get my ass kicked in slappies a little bit and they're like, ah, you're not worth it

But what if slappies is shoved? What if slappies is getting hit with shovels? Okay Well, I think I just take one shovel to the face Yeah, I guess you can just really quickly just be like, you got me. You got me, guy. Uh-huh. I could take one shell to the face. Two, I'm not so sure about. One, maybe I have to get some teeth replaced, but I'll be all right.

Yeah. Yeah. And then I've had the craziest night of my wife in Sarasota. And that's worth it to me. All right. I'm ditching. I'm booking it. I'm slipping out the back. I'm

leaving my book with a note that's like, even the best stories must come to an end. Wow. With like a wrong phone number. All right. I like M's move. I actually do. Now that I realize I'm not actually trying to join this greaser gang, I can agree to slappies. And then if it's too bad, I'll just be like, I give up. I, you win. I will go home. I'll go home.

Surrender in the moment. Going back to the Renaissance hotel. Yeah. Cause it does seem like there is some sort of like mutual respect of combat where if you're just like I tap you're great Yeah, then they'll stop you are alpha. Yeah I guess I would take enough of a chance because I probably honestly I don't know if I was like hanging out with a bunch of People and people and someone came up to me was like I fucking hate you dude. I'd be mad. It's just oh, yeah

That's like you have to keep in mind that like you would be upset. Right, if this guy like was really harshing the vibe. Yeah. Yeah. And then he challenges you to something called slappies. I did forget about the social element of just being like, you're a dick. You're a dick, you ruined everybody's fun. You might just do this even if you were with your friends if someone went up and pointed at you.

I would- I hate this guy. I would imagine it almost like in other worldly like sign to be like, the night is over. The party's over. The romantic book is a good hack. I think romantic book slash tapping out if Slappy's is too bad. Murph is riling me up though,

because if somebody just came up to me at a bar when I was drunk and started yelling at you. I like your friends, but I don't like you, buddy. Yeah, I think I would be like, fuck you. I think I would feel too bad about myself if I left. I don't want to. But I'd be like you, buddy. Yeah, I think I would be like, fuck you. Yeah. I think I would feel too bad about myself if I left. Yeah, true, true. But I'd be like, no, you've got to go and you have to get slapped. And you can always just tap out if he's got trouble or something.

If slashing is really dangerous, you can just be like, you want it more, dude. You absolutely want it more. I don't even know how to ride a motorcycle. Yeah. I just read a book and honestly said something not even that clever. They thought these guys thought it was awesome. I didn't even like Zen in the art of motorcycle maintenance.

I gotta be honest. I didn't finish it. And you know I'm a reader. This does make me want to leather jacket with the words worm on the back though. Yeah, that is pretty good. All right, why don't we go ahead and do one more submitted one

and then we'll save some more for the Patreon. All right, love it. This go ahead and do one more submitted one and then we'll save some more for the Patreon. All right, love it. This one is from Dippity D. Okay. You get a call from Netflix's The Witcher that you're getting cast as a monster. You will be involved in a brutal fight with Geralt.

The answer is yes. While you're on set, you're approached by Henry Cavill. In your exact costume and makeup, he says that he is the only Geralt of Rivia and he asks to switch places with you so he can quote accidentally hurt Liam Hemsworth and get the role back. When you question him, all he says, I am the one true pride of Rivia with complete sincerity

and seems to be getting more unstable the longer you put him off. Do you switch places? I think I can't have anything to do with this. I think I probably, I mean, I don't let, like when shows recast big roles like that, like I don't want to see Henry Cavill recast for us who don't want to aid him in hurting the actor.

Cause like on one level, I agree with him. You are the true Gerald. Yeah, if there was like, if this, if there was a preamble that it was like, who is the new Witcher? Is it Liam Hemsworth? Yeah, Liam. If Liam Hemsworth like pushed me like, like right before we started was like, who is the new Witcher? Is it Liam Hemsworth? Yeah, Liam. If Liam Hemsworth like pushed me like,

like right before we started was like, get out of the way extra or something like that, then this might be more tempting. Yeah. What if you just heard him over by crafty being like, I don't care about this role, this is a paycheck to me. I still, I still wouldn't help attack him. If he was like, if he,

if he like right before we started shooting and like Liam like leaned in and was like, I'm strong and I have muscles. You're small, so I might hurt you. I might be like, all right, man, fuck you. I'm gonna get somebody bigger in here to beat you up. I also think I would have to say no, it will be so hard though, just because it'd be like,

he is so iconic as Carol. So I think I would be like, what are you doing here? I think I just try to appeal to his humanity. I'm like, hey, you're, you just became a dad. Like you can't be doing this. Come on, man. Like you got to think about your family. You got to be playing Crash Bandicoot too. You're in the back of a biker bar playing Slappy. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like in like the hedgehog night makeup this entire time in this conversation.

My mouth doesn't properly work. I'm like, you gotta talk about your wife, man. There's kind of two reasons not to do this, right? There's the one which is just like aiding in the attack of an actor for kind of no reason. And then the second thing is that you no longer, I guess get to be in the Witcher. Yeah, right. That's true.

I need those sag hours, dude. Presumably it would be a pretty even fight. Yeah. Well, it wouldn't be because you'd be attacking. They're both Witcher trained. Absolutely Witcher trained. But Cavill wants it more here. He'd be kind of watching two witches fight each other. Which does it, yeah.

But Liam Hemsworth is going into this thing and gets a scene, and Henry Cavill is trying to hurt him. An option is you're like, cool, yeah, let's do it. You let Cavill take the thing, but then you go to Liam Hemsworth, and you're like, just so you know. Oh, oh, that's wrong. And then you take a video of it. And then you go to the director and you're like, hey, shit's about to go down.

You need multiple angles on this shit. Yo, if there's not a doppelganger episode, there is now, here you go. Yeah, Emily actually came up with the right answer. That does seem like a way, yeah, it would just be really anticlimactic though. They would just be like, Henry's being really unprofessional.

If Liam Hemsworth is like, actually, I don't feel comfortable. It's like, he has the heads up. So we can either respond to the call to action. Right, this is great. Or any actor being like, the person who had this role before showed up and wants to fight, I'm in. Yeah. Hey, Henry, I heard Liam say you didn't survive

the trial of the grasses. Weird, right? When this question started, I really thought we were gonna find out that our monster was the Grinch Grinch in that world look like it'd be so scary. Does it DLC for the Witcher that Yeah It'd be like those, you know for the Witcher that is completely a Grinch adventure. It'd be like those, you know, the creatures in the Witcher that come out of the water and they're like, really nasty looking.

Yeah, it looked like that, but green. Oh yeah. Yeah, no good. So Em's hacking this. She's gonna tip off Liam that Henry is going to attack. And then I'm kind of like, hey, Liam, you have a chance to prove yourself. You have a, like, do you want to do it?

Are you the real girl? I'm kind of trying to get them to go through my head. But obviously not forcing Liam to do anything. I think I tell on Henry real quick. Yeah, man, right on. And then I walk out and I go, could somebody get the director? Oh, that's a good way to handle it. Also, like you're like, yeah, Cavill, anything for you, man.

Can I have your phone number? Let's hang out. You walk away and you say, and then you're like, Henry Cavill's here. I need you to pretend like you notice it in the moment. Like I didn't tip you off. That's what I'm doing too. I'm saying yes to Henry.

Like absolutely dude, let's switch. You're the true Geralt. And then I'm immediately going to the first AD. Being like, hey man, Cavill's on set. Do without what you will, I'm leaving. When you're miking him, I need you to pretend to notice that it's Henry Cavill and not me. Oh, that's, dude, imagine getting your mic pack attached

at the same time as they're cuffing you. It's just the setup. Okay, so this seems like the right answer. So we solved it. You tell on Henry Cav. But what is, I, what if, what if here though? Hear me out. So you tell on him, security descends,

but what if like he drinks a Tony owl potion and he just starts beating up security and it goes for you? Like awesome. His eyes go black. If I see him fell like four people and then Void's a sword at me and says, tattletale, I'm fucking out of there.

Right. I'm just saying, if you tattle on Cavill, if you tattle on Cavill, there might be repercussions. Tattling on a witcher. Being labeled like you're some mythical monster. Tattletale. We know what happens to tattletails. You actually start growing a tail.

Yeah. I don't care. I'm tattling. Yeah, I think I got a tattle on Cavill. Yeah, you got tattletail. I tattle on Cavill, but to Liam Hemsworth and let him decide if he wants to battle for his honor. Oh, and then you call TMZ

and you get them to take photos of the whole thing. Nah, dude, I take those photos. I take those photos and then I decide who gets them. All right. Why don't we go ahead and do, I got one more lightning round. All right. That we'll do before we go to the Patreon ones. And you know, might have an old favorite, might not. We'll see. You had to work on Christmas Eve. You were supposed to meet your family at a cabin for the holiday, but you ended up being snowed in. You were supposed to meet your family at a cabin for the holiday, but you ended up being snowed in.

You do your best to enjoy a peaceful night by the fireplace and indulge in a little too much eggnog. You end up passing out in a rocking chair. The next morning you wake up and find that your Christmas tree has been knocked over. Underneath it, bludgeoned to death by your cast iron frying pan is the Grinch. You walk over and inspect the body.

It's not a suit. It's not a costume. This is some kind of animal humanoid hybrid. A true Grinch. You begin to panic. A true Grinch? A true Grinch. Hell, it actually is the Grinch. Capital T, true Grinch. You begin to panic. What happened? The Grinch broke into your house. You must have been defending yourself, right? You inspect the scene and notice that there are claw marks on the door, almost like the Grinch was trying to crawl to safety. You don't remember a thing, but it looks like you may have gone overboard

and executed the Grinch long after the threat had passed. What do you do? Okay, okay. Does, I'm going to, I'm gonna see if he has like pockets for a wallet. He doesn't. He's a true Grinch. He's not Grinch Ken. He's not Grinch Ken. He could have identification.

He doesn't have identification. Not Grinch Ken, a true Grinch. True Grinch. Oh my god. If this is someone in a Grinch costume, I just report myself right away. I'm just like, I guess I'm a murderer. I don't know. But since it's like-

Since it's like maybe like part animal. Yeah. Right. Then I'm just like, I don't know. But since it's like, it's like maybe like part animal. Yeah. Right. Then I'm just like, I don't know what to do. Well, first I check. Okay, so since I was supposed to go out of town, I might have set up those like little cams for. No, no proof of what's real cam. Okay. No idea what happened. I guess first I check to see if the Grinch is with child. The Grinch is not with child. Okay, good. Okay. That clears things up. Yeah. Do I find the weapon?

Do I find the cast iron? Yeah, it's a frying pan. Yeah. This is at my house? This is at your house. So it does look like the Grinch came in, tried to steal your tree. You guys had a fight,

but it looks like you won that fight and then killed the Grinch when maybe you didn't have to. I was going to burn my house down, but I think that's a little, that's me overreacting again. The question is with a true Grinch, does anyone look for the true Grinch is, is my question. I just bury the Grinch. I think I still like call.

I think I still turn myself in because I think I'm also just like, I don't know what happened and I don't know what to make of this. And you guys tell me if I'm a monster or not. I think I'm, I'm to make of this. And you guys tell me if I'm a monster or not. I think I'm, I'm burning the Grinch. I'm barely alive. I'm rehearsing my story to my wife and being like a wild animal attack. I was a wild animal with green hair.

I guess I would just like call somebody, I'd be like, once the snow cleared up, first off, Christmas is canceled. I'm just like, hey, everyone, it's still snowing. I definitely call someone else before I turn myself in because I need someone else to show up and be like, this is an animal that just looks like- What's the equivalent here?

Yeah. Is this like if a wolf broke down by Jordan and attacked me? It's like killing Bigfoot. You know what? I hate myself for saying this, but I definitely FaceTime my dad. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. I hate myself for saying this, but I definitely FaceTime my dad. Yeah.

That's what I'm saying. Like, I think I tell a trusted select few people and you have like a round table about what to do about their experience. No way. I don't tell a soul. Jake takes it to his grave. Really? No one knows.

In this situation, I don't trust myself. To even know if it's really a Grinch. I'm like, have I gone mad? So that's where the FaceTime with my dad will confirm. You're seeing this too. So I'll say, you know for a fact, it's not a human. I'll say it's like green blood. And you're looking at it and you're just like.

But I still need external confirmation that my senses are working. And so therefore I FaceTime my dad. I do kind of agree with that. I do think I need like to counsel with somebody. I think I need somebody else to be like. Jake, what's your exit strategy from this? I take a bandsaw, two contractor bags.

One of them goes in the East river. The other one goes in the Dias Canal. I text my painter, he comes by, does a whitewash on the entire thing. Nothing ever happened. Nothing ever happened. Do you wait, but the text to the painter is a little suspicious.

How do you word that so that if there were ever a digital inventory of this, that this was gonna be innocent. But who's gonna look for a true Grinch is the question. That's true. Well, you don't know. But this is what I'm saying is I think that this is a precursor event.

I think this is the first of many Grinches to come. It is definitely true. It is like you wake up and you're just like, who's coming next? Yeah. I think you're like driving home and you're like stopping in a diner and like on the news, there's a report that says like,

green figures emerging from the woods. And you're like, oh no. I've set off something. Well, I'll say you don't have the information yet. So all the information you have is that you're supposed to go meet your family, but you wake up and the Grinch is dead. My one amendment is that I won't text my painter.

I can't drag Frank into this. Yeah. Okay. Okay. I'll paint the room myself. I'll clean up all the blood. You can't get a cleaner involved. Put some spackle over the claw marks. I've watched stuff like then you have, why did you go to home, sir, Mr. Hurwitz,

why did you go to Home Depot? But they wouldn't ask you that because it's the Grinch. On a holiday when it's not usually open. I actually have some paint in the basement, so I should be fine. Okay, okay, okay. So you don't have receipts to... You pointed out that I cannot leave a trail and I won't. But I think you can kind of leave a trail, right?

Because there's not an... But you don't know if there is... I guess you don't know. If there are Grinch detectives. But you can... True. It would have to be like... It would have to be like Grinch detective.

There could be like a whole cryptozoic police force out there. That is definitely true. That is definitely true. So that's something you could think of like, is another magic being gonna come here looking for the Grinch and then come get me? But I think you can assume that humans are not trying to follow up on the missing Grinch. I think as far as everyone knows, the Grinch does not exist. The way that we've been talking about the Grinch on this episode specifically, he has shifted from being a terrestrial creature and now comes from space.

Yeah, this is a cosmic menace. This Grinch, I'm like, oh, there's gonna be a Grinch invasion to like right the wrong that I have committed here. And I think you should worry. You should check yourself for bite marks because you might have the Grinch blood within you now. So Jake's just cleaning it up.

I think the other three of us, I think I'm just like, I call like a trusted friend and I'm like, turn me in if you think you should. Just what the fuck is happening? What happened? I'm FaceTiming my dad and being like, are you seeing this? I definitely tell people.

I don't know that I report myself, but I tell like a few people. There's a chance I call like animal control. And then like if they ask, I double down and they say, oh my God, the like half cover up. So you call animal control, but you take off his Santa hat and you're just like a weird green monster. It was a wild animal. And if they press me, I say it was a wild animal.

But then you have a fucking loose end. That animal control person leaves and you're like, huh, where's he going? Who are they gonna tell? Who's he reporting to? Yeah, exactly. I think that's interesting. A half cover up, you just hide the Santa clothes

and then you just say an animal. Oh my God, if you had like some like decorative wall mounted antlers, you could try to sew them onto it. So he looked less like a Grinch and more like an animal. And more like Max the dog. Yeah. Right, and you have to take his arm and give yourself a scratch or something.

Yeah. Don't do that, don't do that. But no, no, no, you're right because it's be like, look, he attacked me. Yeah. I think you guys did Don't do that. Whoa. But no, no, no, you're right because this would be like, look, he attacked me. Yeah. I think you guys did fight. You guys did fight. I'll say you do have some scratches on you.

Like the Grinch. Oh, okay. Okay. I think you and the Grinch had a fight, but it looks like you won the fight and maybe didn't need to kill the Grinch. That is what the evidence shows. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, yeah. Okay, so yeah. I think I'm trying to like cover my tracks by making an official report and then I'm like telling my wife and then I'm just like waiting for the day they emerge again. Yeah, I tell four people. You just see gringes around every single corner.

This is my bandicoot. I think I just have, I'm like, actually Christmas is at our house and I just show them the Grinch and go, what does everyone think about this? Because I don't know what to make of it. I think maybe I'm a murderer. I don't know.

But also maybe not. I just FaceTime my dad without thinking about the privacy and fraction of FaceTiming. I'm just, I'm terrified of the implications of like the Grinch family of species that we've unleashed here. Yeah, who knows? Yeah.

All right, well, you know what? I really am like considering the Grinch as an extraterrestrial species. here. Yeah, who knows? Yeah. All right, well, you know what? I really am considering the Grinch as an extraterrestrial species. Yes. Yeah. I mean, this is further clarified in the Jim Carrey Grinch movie when I believe it is said that all of Whoville exist within a single snowflake.

Oh. Really? So the Grinch comes from a microscopic society within our own. Dude. But if the Grinch were to escape from that and expand via some sort of quantum realm, then we could be fucked. True. Do you guys think germs are like living out entire dramatic lives?

Germs are the Grinch. All germs are little Grinches. Germs are the Grinch. Ask any doctor. Ask any doctor. Do germs have relationships with each other? Would you say a germ is a Grinch? All right, let's go ahead and wrap this one up.

Thank you all so much for listening. We'll be back next week with a campaign episode. Yeah, sure. Rest. We've got more of these coming up over on our Patreon, patreon.com slash an ad pod that's NEDDPOD. Don't sing yet. Wee.

Does anyone have anything they'd like to plug? Ooh, I want to plug an artist I follow on Patreon, actually. Cool. Their name is Pockets, spelled like Pockets, but with some extra S's. They make a lot of really funny comics about goblins and fantasy stuff and witches and hags and harpies. Great.

And they're all really silly and fun. So, yeah, follow pockets. Great. Check that out. And you can follow us on social media there. Remember, you may not use at State First Me at called these called all at extra demoli and actually court says Jake and you can tweet about the show using hashtag and ad pod. This any DDP od. We are the youth of the nation. I call these called all, Addy extra DEMO-ly and actually Gertrude says Jake and you can tweet about the show using hashtag NAD pod That's NADDPOD

We are, we are, the youth of a nation We are, we are, the youth of a nation We are, we are, the youth of a nation We are, we are, the youth of a nation We are, we are, the youth of a nation We are, we are, the youth of a nation We are, we are, the youth of a nation Oh, it's the end of our show folks, which means it's time to shout out our benevolent Council of Elders.

Here they come. Beard man Dan, Danny P, Carpe Liam, Bryant, the very worst DM, Victor T aka Balnorsboy, Hoyt's friend, Justin I, Danny shares a birthday with goofy Danster, TJM, Trayley the Cray, Christopher B, Damiel R, Jordan L, cyborg version of Josh the Cobold tar got Stevie wags hellish rebuke or PhD princess yard Jory S Jack L Nicholas C star of every film ever made in Bohemia now starring in the Iron Deep production a square never tires Samuel B Mike. Alka Smeltzer Plus. Great Value Jimma. Tyler F. Knee Badger. Panama James. Heradrian. Carboro Chapel Hill FPV. Rex Daniel. The White. Cici Lulu. Old Cobbs Dunkle Older Burn. Hercul Prolo. The Rabbit Foll prollel ze labeth folk detective. Timmy R.

Rayco. Calder comes cold. Shout out to the cold come companions. Frosty facial. Taylor B. The vengeful one-winged angel. Cass, 40 year old with a car. Cass.

Steven samples simmering sulfurous set you on. C. Lady taco and teamradulity, Nick W, William W, Big Bad Beardo the Mad, Eric McD, Hananarama, Percival Fredrickstein von Musel Klasowski de Rolo III, J. Dragonborn, Guardian of the vibe, honoring the cock, obstinate Petey, Ben A, Dave H, Christian S, showing that sweet, blue, whole, Dustin S, Danny F, Hawkeye Pierce, Bookfarse assistant Izzy F, DPC is awesome! Hashtag honor the cock. Shone the Shade Tree mechanic of Zelbal Dar. Summer Rose aka Grand Tare. Kat C.

Misa of House Inzunza. Ariel the occasional mermaid. Selena N aka Valaeci Raptor. Bee Perky always. Maxwell J. Lauren H. Serv 16. Annie the Feywild therapist skillful ferret insert fan art request ooh you know I've got to see your depiction of

coloss ass thank you so much ferret Connor S Salil weed Goku 69 looking for my alcohol Vegeta 420 Bioquartort7, Amber Dextrous, Bean Rat was innocent. Trub Hopdropper, Jack Hubert, King of the Mole People under Iron Deep, dressed in blue and fighting his way through a bracket style tournament. Lindsey W, Vailen, Paj, a dumb bunny bard. Carlin C, Noah, the Bullyug Boy Hashtag onto the cock.

James G. Everything Bago the Aladdin who just wants to hang out with his pet badger Stripey. Daddy Master Dandy. Haaaaaan. Eric B. Marcos Learns the Balance Druid. Frida M. Tracy P. The Crick Elf Librarian. Maggie S. See you in Chicago Saw you in Chicago Thanks for coming

Holly the green laughing hyena Finally caught up to Duck Team Akash T. Doofinious Aaron B. Russell H. A monk named Dilgo Yes, the whole thing

Yes, every time Cody C. Lorelai the succubi Grinchomancer. And Kira, her dad. Your friendly neighborhood yawn and yunkle, Andrew and Sid. John Adams, the write-in candidate for 2024. Meg, the mail carrier manager of Bohemia. James F.

Austin S. Wayfarer now has to do something with the trolls. To get rid of them, turn to page 42. To keep them, turn to page 69. Shane C. Barpo Goodbarrel Bard-Barian. Welshlander Garrett G. aka One Big Curd. Havy the Half Orc. Renee the Monster Captain.

Robox Fleshton, Olivia the enchanting bard, and Jared the soap opera cleric who are playing stick it to the man, parentheses, down with the monarchy, Winterslade, FICO, Garrett the artificer, Anthony the raddest of dudes, Josh H, Caleb L, theies Say Om Nom Nom Nom Nom Honor the Cock Cantrip Dumbledore The Bear Onesie Wearing Barbarian Alexi H MJ The BFG

Nodrog The Pesifist Barbarian Gino T Tristan The Tolentless Hunk Shenanigans O'Connor Joshua S. Alexander. Linz W. Angela Pamela The Forever Vindicated. Emma S.

Red The Reforged Warforged. Pavu Eskinor The Goliath Paladin providing service with a smile. BlackDog001 Five Titties Flapping in the Wind. Wheeee! A Cat Napping in a Sun beam, listening to a podcast. CJ Hampton. Come on. Jackson R. Snailus, who's infecting Worchester from within. Official Ned Flanders.

Blake H., searching for a sweet blue hole with his bestie Big Bev. Papa Scatty's. Meemaw Scatty's. Taylor B., a part-time call artist. Oh, it's V. Embibing Smoky! Megan N, Savannah H, Balnore's best friend Steve, Stephanie of House Unzunsa, Benjamin A,

Gimli the Corgi, Papa and Foster's canine friend, Mikel A, Farroki, the two crew, Blue Through, Maple, the shy bookworm, Ashasaurus, Seth E, Billy Batson, Tori the Triceratops, The two crew blew through. Maple, the shy bookworm. Ashesaurus. Seth E. Billy Batson. Tori the tungsten draggoose.

Son of Thomas, the blind bisexual goose. Michael L. S. the second. Jacob, the purveyor of shenanigans. Nova Cry. Parcell. Dex Riddlewell. Hannah A. Bastion Fiddlyfoop, AceDrags Highlord of Critsburg, Darius D, Troy's Mom, Vin Diagram,

GKC, Teehee, Teehee, Cadmilius the Consumed, Hossinator, Bard of Holding, Clinton elders. Thank you all so, so much for your understanding. I'll see you next time. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. L, Alex G, That Guy Quan, and Zip It Up Ackery. Oh yeah, that's all of our elders. Thank you all so, so much for your undying support.

We really appreciate it. Folks, if you would like to join this illustrious council, you can do so by going to patreon.com slash nadpod. That's gonna be it for us this time. Thanks for listening and we'll see you next week. Bye bye. That was a HateGum Podcast.