Not Another D&D Podcast - The Mavrus Chronicles - Blaze Responsibly (Part 2)

Episode Date: November 14, 2024

Part 2 of Hot Boy Summer: Blazing Babe featuring Zac Oyama!The Boys fracture emotionally, as well as literally. Dave chugs seven stouts, Tread takes refuge in a vegetable tent, Mac suspects a sticker, Mavrus questions the group's party prowess, and everyone learns what Carl's really been up to.MUSIC:"Hot Boy Theme" - by Emily Axford"Techgnomek" - by Emily Axford"Carl" - by Emily Axford"Infiniti" - by Emily Axford"Left is Left and Right is Center" - by Emily Axford"The Smithy's Hut" - by Emily Axford"Missing" - by Emily Axford"I Think I Lost My Glasses" - by Emily Axford"The Gambling District" - by Emily Axford"Bloody Mural" - by Emily Axford"EVO" - by Emily Axford"The Widow" - by Emily Axford"Jolene the Green" - by Emily Axford"The Summer We've Been Waiting For" - by Emily Axford"Selfless" - by Emily Axford"Gutless" - by Emily Axford"Speak with Animals" - by Emily Axford"A Miracle Child" - by Emily Axford"Demi-God" - by Emily Axford"The Posse" - by Emily Axford"Buzzer's Cutters" - by Emily Axford"The Baroness" - by Emily AxfordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Dungeons and Dragons is teaming up with Dragons Milk to celebrate their 50th anniversary with the release of a legendary beer and bourbon. Dragons Milk, known for its flagship barrel-aged stout, has brewed the ultimate elixir called D20 Brew, a double-barrel-aged, 20% ABV stout that is rich, chocolatey, and decadent. You know your dude, Max, son of Mumford, would approve. rich, chocolatey, and decadent, you know your dude, Max, son of Mumford, would approve. This beer comes packaged in an amazing wooden dice tower with a custom set of dice in a branded drawstring bag that unfolds ready for your next campaign.

They have also distilled and bottled a Mead Cask finished bourbon from their highly acclaimed Origin bourbon line and will be offering it as part of this commemorative release. The bourbon will be packaged in a custom gift box featuring a premium metal pour spout molded into the head of the D&D Red Dragon. Ready your inventory.

Both beverage gift sets are extremely limited and will only be available online at dragonsmilk.com slash pawpaw and at New Holland Brewing Company's retail locations in West Michigan beginning November 16, 2024 while supplies last. The D20 Brew bottles will also be available at very select retailers around the country beginning November 1st, so available now. If you want to get in on the action now, visit dragonsmilk.com slash pawPaw and use code PAWPaw to get 10% off all Dragons Milk and Dungeons

and Dragons merch while supplies last. This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Welcome back to Blazing Babe, aka the Maverick Chronicles, aka Hot Boy Summer. Blazing Babe. Blazing Babe, aka the Maverick Chronicles.

I'm your dungeon docent, Emily Ax Emily expert joined by Brian Murphy a cleric hipster whose beers rip sir My guys tread water of course we got call Wilton Let him drown. Ooh. Let him drown. My guy's treading water. And of course, we got Caldwell Tanner. Ooh. Yes. We're all so bad at it. Everyone's sucking.

Mine sucked so bad. Mine was great. I still don't have one. Apprentice to a dentist who his treads, parentis. Let's get into this, it's hungry Dave. Beautiful. Following that up, we got Jake Hurwitz. I don't know why I did a dry July.

He's been treading ever. And of course, Mavris, the unschooled. Oh, he's definitely been to Blazing Babe and now he's here to rave Yes! Yes! My knife fucking crushed it! He landed it! Yes! Absolutely sinc flawless!

It's a slant ride. Slant ride. Last session, the boys of summer prepared for their trip to Blazing Babe, an annual festival in which a circle of druids commence at Fallow or Cursed Earth, host an all-night bonfire and rectify the land via the magic of good vibes. After abandoning a four-dash delivery to beat up Hungry Dave and make it look like you'd been mugged by a podiatrist, the four of you debated the logistics of cranking it during your vacation and made the bare minimum of preparations. Tread declared himself to be practicing a dry July and stole laughing gas from his dad's

office. Mavras donned a Batman from the Snyder Cut costume. Mack brewed a coffee stout he hoped would pass for natural uppers, and Hungry Dave professed a new love of wine and dentistry Dave's leveling up. You also had the chilling Realization that not only had you forgotten to invite Carl Carl had actually left the group text It's gotta be a glitch. Is it is it someone's phone? Everyone check your phone Did he get a freaking drool? I bet he like fell into a pool. Yeah

We either grew apart or like fell into a pool. Yeah. Never got a new phone. We either grew apart or he fell into a pool. He got pushed into a pool. That's what happened. Right, yeah. Did I push him into a pool? That would be hilarious.

Maybe that's why he's not talking to us. The next morning, you rendezvoused with Luella, a crick elf with a janky but heavily armed Winnebago and made your way through the dangerous dunes of the abberant waste to Blazing babe. Tred and his single strapped backpack amp got behind the wheel Hungry Dave and Maverice manned the guns and Mack climbed to top the arcane vehicle and made a cow catcher out of the spirits of Budweiser frogs After an encounter with a desert worm and some vultures,

as well as the Winnebago's leaky septic tank, you pulled into the campground for Blazing Babe. Upon arriving to the desert festival, you were greeted by all the expected sights, glow sticks, fire jugglers, kinetic sculptures, but the idyllic visage was barred by two unexpected intrusions. One, a team of brand ambassador dryads wearing keg backpacks of Tris's hard seltzer and

the party plane's best and only dentist, Dr. Ted Nevers and his camp of aging hippie, better late than never's magic users. And that's where we are now. The four of you stand in front of a scorched, worm-bitten RV. You are caked in sweat, sand, septic fluid. Right?

Okay, so there's no like Walgreens, Mavericks. There's no Dwayne Reid. Right. No, but. No Rite Aid. I can switch my breath to be like an Aqua Beam. Okay. And I can just blast everybody off. Can you do that to the shit that I'm covered in?

Yeah, man. Yeah, just give Trey the shower. Dave, you wanna blast off your friends? I wanna blast my friends. It's a dry July, Dave. Yeah, we just can't.'t blast it from the waist up This is the first impression that a lot of people are gonna have as we walk in You can't be getting blasts off

Can you see as you guys are standing here in front of this broken RV Looking and presumably smelling like septic fluid you've caught the eye of a lot of people not my dad, right? No Your dad is sort of at, cause like as you guys are here, like basically this entire campground is built around this huge plant growth effigy of Malora. And your dad is right there adding kindling

to this effigy that at the first life dog. All right, everybody lined up and get spewed. Okay. Can we, before we do that, just do like a lap and point out if there's like, is there a shower here? Also we should, I mean, we've been just do like a laugh and find out if there's like a shower here Also, we should I mean we've been locked out of the Winnebago So should we try to like tent up with mr. Nevers or dr. Nevers? Sorry. Yeah Well, I would not well

I don't want to hang out with my dad and I don't really understand why everybody here does want to hang out Yeah, check in with him. I want to be in out of the elements for a little bit Yeah, if we get drugs Luel let us back in okay I want to hang out with my dad. We should like check in with him at least. I just want to be in, uh, out of the elements for a little bit. Yeah. If we get drugs, Luel will let us back in. Okay. I feel like I could like offer showers to people, mouth showers. I could just like blast people and do mouth showers for money. Okay, first off-

We gotta get off the mouth showers. Guys, real quick, I just need to establish like good vibes and everything while we're here. Yeah. So I walk up to the Traces who are handing out the seltzer. Hi, I'm sorry, What is this corporate bullshit? Blazing babes sell out fucking get him trying to improve the vibe here and we are We don't want it to become super corporate. Okay, your vibe is rancid. No, I've got this

No exactly, but I'm pretty thirsty Right. Yeah, and I've got beer here. I hand out some blessed brew, peanut butter, stout, of course. Mac, you've walked up to these two Trisses, right? They were actually walking to meet you guys. You had caught their eye when you showed up. So two Trisses in crop tops, little camelbacks that say Trisses' hearts hilt are on them. One of them is kind of like a dryad

like you would have expected to have seen before. She's got like the textured barky skin. She's got like maple leaf hair that's like autumnal colors and like pinned up in a little stick bug. The other one is charred with like leafless twigs and sort of like a dryad that's been through a wildfire. So the two of them come up to you and they say, did you all want a free sample?

No, we don't. Boys, boys, let me handle this right now. But the vibes. This is the vibes, we're trying to keep the vibes up, which is why, I turn to the dry ads, we shouldn't let Blazing Babe get corporatized, okay? Keep Blazing Babe weird. Mac, as you say all this, you see that the one

who's more charred and burnt out leans over, whispers something to one of them, and she goes, oh, good idea, Drew. I think they just sidebarred. What, no, that's our thing. That's not possible. Okay, full transparency. We saw you guys and we were kinda thinking like,

are you guys first time blazers? Cause if you are, we would love to like show you around. Actually, Maverice has been here before. So we've been here a couple times. Tell them, Mav, why don't you tell them what you usually do here? Cause it seems like they come a lot. So if you guys could like-

Yeah, this is like our fifth year. But I mean, basically we just wanted to kind of like approach you guys because like, sounds like you're like a veteran. Yeah, he's our guiding light, 500. Yeah, but I wanted to make sure that the rest of you like felt acquainted with the situation. And just give you some like kind of warnings

because you know, it is the desert and the desert gives you nothing other than what you bring to it and what others give to you as a mercy. We brought one and a half birds. One and a half birds? Yeah, we got like one frozen vulture and then like one vulture little.

Oh, I saw the vulture feather in your hat and I did think is that fresh blood. We're locked out of our Winnebago at the moment. I don't know if you can smell, but we're covered in shit. I'm not sure. Are you doing anything to try to hide the scent? No, I'm really trying to get a shower. Yeah, Dave wanted to try something,

but everyone was really sketchy about it. Mavis is doing a gust cantrip and just kind of blow it away suddenly. Oh, crazy, I hadn't smelled that. That's awesome, no yeah, I'm kind of embarrassed, but I also feel like I need to be up front because I do want to take a shower. You do need a shower, yeah.

I have to just put it out there. So if you want to give us a corporate tour or whatever, do you have to pay anything? Actually, I mean, this hard seltzer is probably one of the only things that's free here. Cause everything else is kind of, you know, like maybe you've heard it's kind of like an exchange thing. Yeah. And that's why we all brought gifts.

We brought such good vibes. Amp that's the gift to song and vibes. Yeah. And I've got like a lot of rusted Pinot Gris, if that's your deal. I've got beers, but it's just kind of for me and my boys. Did you just actively not offer me something? Did you go out of your way to dangle something and tell me I could have it?

Matt, no, that's bad vibes. Do you want a beer? She does the message cantrip just to tread and she's like, what's with your boy? Oh, he doesn't like seltzer. Okay, whatever. I mean, if you bought the gift of song, I would love to hear some music. Yeah, totally. I just need to plug this thing in somewhere.

Do you have a generator? Yeah, or like a big bug that could shock us to death? I'm actually from the Feywild. So, I mean, like I can kind of just like make some Fey energy that you could sort of plug into. I, yeah. Yeah, plug into this lady. But it's all right.

This is like in exchange for a shower. Oh, no, I don't have. I mean, I could shower you with seltzer. It is bubbly, it's effervescent. That could absolutely work. Anything is better than this. Yeah, it's better than the shit. Yeah, all right, cool, yeah, let's do it.

Okay, she basically warms up her hands and gifts some magic arcane energy into your broken amp. Okay. And looks at you waiting for a song. You got it. Come on, Trish. You said that you brought all these songs. I'm so curious.

This one is called, what your name was, what? Trish. Trish. And that's Cass. Okay. Trish does, Trish does. You got this dude, I really dug us a hole and I need you to get us out of here. I'm gonna start playing my chest like bongos for you. You don't need to do that. I lean this dude, I really dug us a hole and I need you to get us out of here. I'm gonna start playing my chest like bongos for you.

You don't need to do that. I lean over to, I lean over to try to go, hey, name this song Trish and Tash. Use that somehow, I don't know if you're going to. What? You're gonna have to use Trish and Tash somehow. Okay. Right. I don't know if you're thinking of that.

Yeah, okay, now I got it. This is my guy Hungry Dave and he's a little bish But I have a new friend and her name is Terry tish Was like so wrapped up. Can you just do one of your? I'm gonna need you to give me a performance check and I'm really trying to wrap my head around why I shouldn't make you do it with Disadvantaged. Yeah, no, totally.

These are my bongos. Do it flat, but then roll a D4 and subtract that from it. Alright, that's fine. You got Bane'd? You got Bane'd by yourself. I didn't even get to fucking drop Tess's name. Because Maverick's doing such a lot of Bane impression right now.

I was bored of the noise. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine.

It's fine. Fuck, I rolled a four. It's an 18. Oh, it's pretty good. 18 is so good. They kind of dance along like they're feeling it. When you get to Trisha's messed up name, she just looks excited.

Oh my God, how did you put my name in there so quickly? We just met. Yeah, it's just like my thing. He gave you a pretty sweet nickname. He didn't really. I mean, sorta, right? Well, we're definitely gonna give you guys seltzer showers if you want it.

And we have some kind of, I don't know, some kind of cool schwag or whatever. I feel like an amp looks really good with a sticker on it. Do you want? You have seltzer stickers? Yeah, usually she takes out a little sticker with like a dry ad that looks like a pinup girl.

I'll take one for my guitar and one for my amp. Can I sidebar with you guys real quick? Absolutely. You can sidebar with me as soon as I get my two stickers. I'm gonna wanna take a couple as well. We can't do the seltzer stickers. We can. I think we misjudged them. Yeah, Yeah, what I mean what kind of stickers do you have dude? I?

Don't you have any stickers? Your job works for a fucking brewery should have stickers man, dude the vibes are off. They're on you're on These girls are ruining our I think I think I have a song. Mack. Mack. Wait, let me fire up. Okay. What do you use to hold the pants?

Will you use a belt shirt? Now will you please shower me with seltzer? Ah! They give you like literally an unending supply of stickers and shower you with seltzer. Don't get the sticky part of the sticker wet. I'm fine to be showered in seltzer when you shouldn't drink it. I mean I'll take the shower and if some gets in my mouth some gets in my mouth. Okay they shower maverick down into his open mouth, they shower Tread down, they give him

stickers, they shower Davin Axius down. Would you? Yeah, I just don't want to drink it. I'll take the shower. If you just want water, there's like a guy walking around with like a perpetually refilling mouth. No, go to the water Take a regular shower. I'm gone for 45 minutes

What'd you do in that shower? Are you still waiting in dry July? It's July 31st. It's what it's July 31st at midnight God he's right. Look at the sundial. The vibes are back on! So, um, actually, because you guys talk about vibes, you actually see that they look unapprovingly. What? Oh my god, it's like so nice to know that you're being cognizant of the vibes. I'm so glad you brought that up. Be really cautious, because because this is a party,

but it also is sort of like an unstable magic ritual in which the consequences of your actions will echo beyond what you do. Mavris stands next to them and nods. Yeah, shred. I just made up a song with her name in it. So anyway, I guess we just wanted to say welcome, totally have a good time, we'll see you around and whatnot. Cool. Do you know where we could find like a natural upper?

Yeah, I'm trying to think. We all know. We love so many of the drugs. I thought like a coffee beer would do it. A beer as a drug? Coffee as a drug? Well, alcohol is a drug. So you're wrong. Hey, Matt, can I say something? What's up?

What's up? Hey, like, I think your tread's being crazy. No, no, no. Matt? Yeah? Matt. No, no, no. Back. Yeah. Back. No, dude. No, dude.

We're going to have to, we're not, I think you're not the opener guy. I think you're the guy that comes in with the beer, right? Eventually. Yeah, yeah. You're like the, you know, you're the sensitive soul. Right. Yeah. That like.

It's just hard when everyone's like going in so hard on the seltzer Yeah, I feel like this was like us like all going on a trip together And I feel like we're not spending enough time together and also I'm still really mad that you guys let me fall off the bike And just left me So we're just gonna need to grapple with that at some point and I walk away from This girl Trish is like, okay, so in terms of natural uppers, drugs, I mean, there's a lot of options, right? There's a lot of druids who are attending this festival

as it does attract a druidic crowd. I have heard that there is a necromancer from Shadowfell wandering around, and you know they're gonna have some fucked up shit. I would imagine everyone is trying to talk to them though to try and get a ticket to the Shadowween murder mystery party. Wow.

Oh my god, dude I'm so good at themed parties. You guys know the Shadowfell murder mystery party as part of this annual celebration that happens in Shadowfell. But she continues. So anyways, yeah, I guess there's probably a necromancer from Shadowfell walking around with some fucked up shit. There is a little pop-up grotto

of people from the Feywild. They probably have some stuff. I think there might be a pop-up cactus garden. The only people I would say don't approach is there's kind of like this crew of like older people who are like- Tread carefully. Yeah, that's ages. I guess they're like new magic users or something.

So they're being very vocal about like, it's harder to cast magic at our age and we need to keep it like a pure conscious. You're right, that sounds respectable. it's like that like crew over there. You point out the better late than never Yeah, that's actually treads dad Are we ashamed of our families now What happened this trip can I sidebar with everybody here? including you test What happened this trip? Can I sidebar with everybody here? Including you Tess and Trish?

That is my uncle. Okay, you have to do deception. That's pretty good. 25. Wow. I don't even think she can beat that with an insight. Yeah, she can. that with an insight. Yeah, she can.

Okay. Try this charismatic. Got you. Mac glares at you. She looks at Mac and she's like, honest mistake, I guess? I don't know why you're trying to hurt me. You think that alcohol isn't a drug. So, I don't know.

Mac, I'm going to chug the beers. Is that going to make you feel better? Yeah. All right, Dave chugs six. Oh my God. Yeah, if you can't get high off beer, then what am I high on? Yeah, what is he? I just had six peanut butter coffee stops.

I'm feeling something. He's sick. Okay, so Trish perks up. She just remembered something important. So I guess final word of warning would be you know For the three of you haven't been before It's really important Is it she leans on maverick's like they're chummy

It is imperative that the babe and she points to this huge effigy of Malora Our lady of perpetual indifference. It's not ignited before dawn that the babe, she points to this huge effigy of Melora, our lady of perpetual indifference, is not ignited before dawn. Right, so like if you're gonna smoke or toke or. Blaze fire. Be careful not to ignite it. Blaze responsibly.

Blaze responsibly, I love that. Okay, I guess I'm getting it now. Mattress is trying to build up, Matt. Dude, that was awesome. Really? I guess I'm like the blaze responsibly is trying to build up Matt. Like, dude, that was awesome. Really? I could turn that into like, blaze responsibly. It was cool when you said that positively. Interesting.

Maybe I'm like the funny guy. You guys want me to approach somebody? Let's all approach them together. Yeah. Why don't you do like test runs on us? All right, so I was gonna, so I figure like this interaction's over, right? We are absolutely standing right here.

Oh. She takes one sticker away, and then the two of them leave. I was gonna sell that. That was so harsh. The vibes were not right there, right? No, they were a little weird. Hey boys, hey boys, yeah, real fast.

So, I know we're all heated from the road we're coming on super aggro Is that fair to say I think I I agree with maverick all of us I? Think we're too much Can I can I be real with you guys? Yeah, absolutely like Mac I think you're holding onto something from like earlier in the trip. I'm actually not holding on to anything because I fell off a freaking bike.

Dude. The problem is is I'm not holding on. So that's what it is. And you guys kept going. Mac, Mac. Yeah, no, no, no, it's just like, when they came over, it was like, oh yeah, I want a seltzer, I want a sticker.

But I'm like, guys slow down. I fell off the bike. Would it feel better if we apologize to you? Yeah. If you want all of us to just be alone and fall down. We just went down a hill. Okay, everyone give me a stealth check or you will attract the attention of Dr. Nevers.

Oh no. It's a 24 for Trek. I got a 14. That is. Oh no. It's a 24 for Trev. I got a 14. That is a nat 20. Oh, a 10. Davin Axius is so drunk. Yeah. You have to take him to like a different area.

It is a party, it's very chaotic. You would have had to roll pretty poorly, but especially with Davin Axius's nat 20, that buys you some privacy in the chaos and the cacophony. I think I tried to wave to Dr. Nevers, but fall down a hill. Now we're at the bottom of the hill. All right, guys, I'm sorry.

My vibes were a little bit off as much as everybody else's. And so I think we just need to get in to that murder mystery and just kind of set things right. Oh to be clear what she was talking about with the murder mystery is just an annual event that happened in Shadowfell not here. What? Mac starts crying. Hey dude you would have gotten that if you weren't glaring at me while they were talking Hey, we can have a murder mystery for your birthday, okay Hey guy, I'm just gonna sit here in the sand all night. No, you know what? I'll be your freaking bike right on me I'm gonna go scope out. Yeah, let's go.

Was there anything else that people were into? There's a fay grotto, which I would kind of say. Yeah, do you guys want to give perception checks and let me know what you're looking for? That's a nat one for Trev. That's a shout out to the two crew. I got a 10. Dave is riding a seven beer high and is feeling great. That's a dirty 20.

Oh, you're in one of those drunk states where you get good at things before you get bad at them. For most people, it's one and a half beers. For Dave, it's seven peanut butter scouts. Okay, so the sun is setting. It's golden hour. You guys are looking around. You see, behold this scene.

All the shadows are kind of like elongating as the sun sets. There's alchemical glow sticks and swarming nanoflies. They all kind of like pulse as this party is coming to life. Tred, you see nothing. When you look at the party, all you see is your fucking dad. Yeah. In his stupid little shirt. There's my dad and over there is my dad Oh right by the bed, that's my fucking dad. Your dad's really losing in the music

You see your uncle dude, even with your with your not what actually you see that He's with like a woman in silver robes and that's like not my mom Okay, that doesn't seem like dr. Never like something dr. Nevers would do no, then why is he dancing near her? It actually seems like something dr. Nevers is doing that's clearly that's gotta be one of the dental technicians From his office. I would recognize This place is like pretty much about the vibes and maybe they're just connecting on some other plane of people I wonder if my mom would like these vibes. Yeah, maybe maybe he's just emotionally cheating

Mac with your with your ten you are trying to look out over the crowd But you just keep seeing these little dry-head stickers This is litter Staring at you and Mac as you look at them it almost feels like as you move, their eyes move with you. Okay, um, I'm gonna start picking them off. Things that I see. I feel like, then it's actually litter. How is it litter? I'm gonna keep them in my bag. Hey Mac, what if we had fun?

Oh wow, that's an interesting idea. Why don't we just fucking have fun, dude? Hey Mac, what if we had fun? You know the way I don't have fun is by putting fucking stickers all over nature Hey, why don't we go slap a tree guys? Dryads at the fake Roto here you say slap a tree and look over No, that's not I didn't. Tread was just saying. Mac, why don't you fucking pitch something? And Hungry Dave, you are in the zone.

The party is an organism and you are breathing with it. You are tapped into the sap of joy. And you look around, you see a lot of things. You see this vague grotto that was mentioned and they're all kind of like looking at Mac right now, maybe not the time to approach them. You also just see kind of like these fun interactive experiences. There's like some Dwargars that set up a little cuddle cave. There's like some wildfire Druids who are like doing hot yoga with steam methods.

There's these silvery moon elves who are kind of like waxing these sand boards, but they look like they're from the frigid north. They're like all shades of the moon. You see a guy who's in a tie-dyed Gladehome University t-shirt and like jorts that have like all these patches sewn into them and behind him you see this like huge transparent luminescent, it's a huge hand but like on the middle finger

there's like a little sign that says Big B's hug instead of Bigby's hand. I've never seen a pair of jorts so covered in patches. He actually clocks all of you guys and he keeps looking over at you guys. Like you've boggled his brain. Are you, is that, is he on a bell? Are they trying to step to us?

I guess they like mimic the hand gesture that he's holding up. Oh, like the big B's hand. The big B's hand is basically the pinky and the thumb are there to give hugs. But as soon as you gesture, he comes over. All right. Dude, I'm so sorry.

This is like so crazy, but I feel like I'm experiencing like a cosmic coincidence or something. I like just met someone for the first time from the party plane like two days ago and I could swear you all are from the party plane. That is freaking guilty. Right. That is crazy.

Party plane best plane. Pee pee. Who'd you meet from there by the way? Oh, what was his name? So it was basically like, I go to Gladehome, right? And I'm about to be like a second year, but I'm like not like the typical Gladehome guy Like I don't know if you can tell you do see that he has like a spell book But it looks a little bit more cobbled together. It's a spellzine. Um, that's really cool. See this is underground

Yeah, I'm kind of like part of like the experimental track when When we first saw you, I thought we were gonna have to kick your ass. It was like, we thought you were stepping into my skin. We thought you wanted to go. No, but you're awesome. Oh, no, I'm like totally here to ride your ride. Patches are the thinking man sticker. Yeah. Yeah.

I've always said that. Can I tell you, that is amazing. Would you mind if I transcribed that into my spellzine via cutout pieces of magazine? Just give him the proper credit. What? But yeah, it was crazy. I can't remember the guy's name.

It was something with a K, I want to say. Coral? Was it Coral? Was it Coral? Was it Coral? Yeah, it was someone named Coral. Yeah, he was someone named Carl. Yeah, he was at orientation because he's coming to Gleidholm University in the fall.

We would. Everyone give me an insight check. Did you guys listen when Carl was talking about his dreams? I thought we agreed not to listen to each other's dreams. I got a 25. I got a 25. Okay, Mac, of course you would know this team you guys all had a pact that you were all gonna go to the party planes Community College of divine arcane and innate arts PPCC, but it seems like curls had a change of heart

What the fuck? Yeah, more like a change of fart, because that decision stinks. Dude, you make that a fucking song right now. You want to put that in the Z? D-D-D-D-stand up. Tred never's T-R-E-A-D. You're not writing anything down. I know I don't get any service out here, but I'm going to write a wall of text to Carmel. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then when you're done, pass it to fucking me, because I'm going to write another wall. And then when you're fucking done, pass it to me. I'm going to another wall All right, when you're fucking done pass it to me, I'm gonna let him fucking have it Yeah, and then treads gonna add another wall That's gonna be a fucking house just like fucking space bar spaces space space space space space So he knows I'm giving the silent treatment, but I'm like there and just not saying actively not talking Guy from Glade home is just watching you amazed. He's like, this is so crazy. Like I wonder like Yeah, you kind of ruined our night Glade home is just watching you amazed. He's like, this is so crazy. Like, I wonder if like I should go to this. It is crazy. It is crazy.

Yeah, you kind of ruined our night. What? You ruined, like that was our. I'm just. Reel it back. No, no, no, this is, I can absolutely save the social encounter though, because he gestures to the big B's hand behind him.

This is actually a little spell I'm working on. And I kind of tweaked it for the spirit of this event. So would you like a hug? Um, hurry. Okay, I'll let you roll for him. So this spell is pretty unstable. He has a plus five to arcana and he needs to make a DC 16 arcana check. I was right to be dubious. So I have to roll for him? He has a plus five to arcana and he needs to make a DC 16 arcana check. I was right to be dubious.

So I have to roll for him? Okay, so I have to get nine or higher? Okay. Seventeen! You get this huge hand that is usually made for destruction envelops you and you feel comforted. You feel held. I mean, I was holding you before, but like, I guess this is fine too. and you feel comforted. You feel held. I mean, I was holding you before, but like, I guess this is fine too.

Let's not try to hold grudges, being held. What if while Mac is being held, we all whisper sweet nothings to him. We shouldn't have left you at the side of the road when you fell off the bike. I agree. Okay. at the side of the road, we fell off the bike. I agree. Mac.

Okay. Mac, the beer tastes really good. Like, my stomach feels like it's been stapled a bunch now, but I think that's like my own thing. That's not the beer. Like, you're really talented. Thanks, Dave Marris. Okay, it did not feel like a collection of Mac yeah I'll say this you

are one of the more passionate friends that I have and you care is important you care yeah and it's and what you care about sometimes is that interesting to me? Huh? That's perfect And and you know, I gotta gotta respect it I gotta respect it Guys The vibes are on the vibes are absolutely on Dave throws a bunch of sand in the air. Do you happen to know, so our friend's uncle is over there, and we're kind of worried that he's like cheating on his aunt.

I care deeply about my uncle and aunt's relationship. There's no greater bond. Nothing would devastate him more than his uncle. Nothing would devastate a nephew more than his uncle and his aunt having marital problems. If my mom's brother were cheating on his spouse, that would be devastating to us. Yeah, do you know what's going on over there?

What's going on over there? Like a silver robe? I think she's wearing the robes of a cleric of Seheneen Moonbow. It's just kind of like a moon goddess. That's pretty cool. Yeah, so I'm guessing she's some kind of a cleric of Seheneen Moonbow. It's just like kind of like a moon goddess. That's pretty cool. Yeah, so I'm guessing she's some kind of like light cleric or something, but she seems to be just hanging out with this crew of

kind of adorably pathetic middle-aged people. Right. Careful with my uncle. They're trying really hard. They're like expanding their minds at a late age. Yeah, one of them got their hands on like a Leomund's tiny hut scroll. Oh no, I think we need a place to stay. From what I could tell, I think they were using it as like a place to ferment a bunch of vegetables. Oh my god.

To like give as gifts. That's awesome. Why is that awesome? Some like, kimchi? What are you talking about? That's like real food, that awesome? Some like, kimchi? Gift vegetables? What are you talking about? I think they just- That's like real food, guys. Not like fucking seltzer.

I'm saying it was like a lemon's tiny hut that just like reeks of fermented vegetables. That's awesome. Exactly. We need a stink hut. You said that's better than seltzer? Yeah, I did. And you guys are eating fucking vultures. Do you know if it's possible to move all the stuff out of it?

Like just from your, just blink on the situation? Like, is it moveable? Like, is there a cart or something? I didn't walk in. I didn't walk in. I just heard them kind of talking. I smelled all the vegetables. Like just from your just blink on the situation like is it movable like is there a cart or something? I didn't walk in I didn't walk in I just heard them kind of talking I smelled all the vegetables They tried to give me a jar of fermented broccoli Um I did find it because it smelled nasty um and then Yeah, do you have drugs? Yeah? Oh? Yeah, we're looking to score some Dave. Thanks for beat. Yeah, Mara Gina

Yeah, oh, yeah, we're looking to score some Dave. Thanks for beat. Yeah, Mara Gina Natural uppers Mara Gina, let's do that right um we like cocaine Dave looks to matter Yes, yes, we're looking for We're looking for a marina coke I don't I don't see the alchemists are gonna be who you wanna see for the Coke. Okay, alright, gotcha. I believe a little bit of this thing is called telepathic tipple and it's kind of just like it lets you read people's minds.

Wow. That sounds toxic for us. Exactly. This would ruin our lives I think. As you can see we clearly already know each other's thoughts. It's a really delicate ecosystem we have going over here Yeah Because like for a lot of people being able to read each other's minds is like an amazing way to connect right?

Like you meet someone if you're at a party We anticipate each other's thoughts right? We're like in each other's minds like what greater intimacy is there? Just to be just to clarify do I have to opt in for that like if someone drinks it and I'm there And I did not drink any can they read my mind by drinking it you opted Okay, for a poor as like you go into cool. Yeah, I think it's still kind of a bad idea Not for us, so if you just want to I think we'll just go to the vegetable tent. Yeah, we're gonna go to the stink hut Yeah, we'll go there, but like we might not want to run into everybody that's in that camp. So let's... Right, yeah, we don't want to shock your uncle.

Right, or see him. We, you are super concerned about your uncle's marriage, but you also don't want to see him? Uh... Yeah. Tred, can I ask you a question? Sorry, can we sidebar first? Yeah, we're gonna sidebar. Basically, can we push you away for a minute? No, no, no, honestly, I have a lot more hugs to give out.

I was trying to make a graceful exit myself. Mack. That was so direct. We're doing it right. As he walks away though, the big B's hand does give you a mug in the hair. Can you believe that, dude? Mack, Mack. We fully earned that, dude? Back, back.

We fully earned that. Hey, I just wanted to do a quick check in with you, trying to find out. Right, yeah. I'm wondering if checking in with your uncle, you can call him my dad. Okay, all right. I don't know, I don't know.

I'm trying to be nice here, okay? All right, yeah, thank you. I'm just trying to be nice. Oh my God. Look, thank you, sorry. Is that good for you right now, or do you wanna check out something that's a little more obviously chill, that's not so loaded?

Like Matt got a hug, I could do, I could get, I just wanna get a little twisted, a little turnt maybe, but not too turnt, because I don't wanna run into my dad when I'm faded or anything. Right, okay. So, I don't know, I just don't know what to do. I don't you want to go to like the grotto or Okay, there's that cuddle cave which looked like pretty intense. Honestly

Yeah, when you look into the cuddle gave it's like arriving math A ton of arms. Yeah. Yeah, I mean I could go check out those alchemists if we're still looking to score Coke. I don't know. Let's just say we're not trying to get Coke. No. Dave, do you know what that is? All right. Dave, thanks for a second.

It's like a muffin, right? I don't. We could go to the grotto, but we could just go try to see what's up with the hut. Cause like. Okay. Yeah, maybe cause maybe we can spy on your uncle dad. Yeah, no, it's my dad.

Okay, I'm sorry I'm getting used to it. Well don't. Yeah, I'm trying to not set you off, dude. Me. I can't believe your uncle's shooting on your mom. All right, let's just drop it, okay? Let's just, okay. Let's go check out the vegetable tent.

Yeah. We'll go from there. All right. Okay, so you guys pivot, you go towards this sort of center of the camp. I'm gonna get out my guitar unplugged and I am gonna sing, "'Does anyone notice? Does anyone care?

At least they'll know this, that I'm not there.' And I'll cast invisibility on myself." Okay, so we'll act like Tred's not here. Oh, great, yeah. And we'll just like, we just ran into Mr. Dr. Nevers. Yeah, yeah. We'll tell him that we don't fucking like Tred at all. Yeah.

Oh, we'll try to get him to talk shit about Tred because he doesn't like his son. Why would that be the fucking goal? Dude, I thought you wanted to know. I wanna know if he's cheating on my mom, not if he fucking seriously. Oh, all right, all right, all right. That makes sense, that makes sense.

Okay, cool, if he's cheating on my mom, I'm just saying, don't find out the reason. OK. I don't want to know why. You don't want to know why? Just if. Yeah, just if.

We can get that. OK. All right. You guys walk up to the base of this Melora effigy. You see Dr. Nevers. Dr. Nevers? Do my eyes deceive me? Am I in a dentist office?

Oh my gosh Did I eat too much candy again? Don't be weird Oh my god Is that Devon X? He has killed her face Sir Mavris Bombra In the flesh baby

Cormac, what's his last name? I always forget Dark Darkstout? Oh shit. Darkstout, yeah. You guys don't know either? Okay, I don't feel bad. I'm fucked up. What are all three of you doing here? If everyone looks up, it's like, I'm gonna be painting for this for a while.

Fuck. We were just kinda hanging out. We're all kinda being committed relationships when we're thinking about stepping out tonight. What about you? Yeah, win at the babe, right? Yeah, what's your situation in relation to that question? Oh, that was so fucking.

Yeah, of course he does. That was so clumsy, bro. Dude, you're invisible. You talk. Okay, 15. He got a four. Yes. He becomes a five.

Oh. Kids, come on now. I gotta tell you something. Being in a committed relationship with Trans Mother has been one of the most fortunate things I've ever done in my whole life. That's sick. I love it I love to hear it committing to someone living a life with someone sharing a life with someone It's just a beautiful thing. I mean, that's it

Saying that he was gonna do that is it I have a question. Yes. Oh, yeah, I just fixed your retainer Is it I have a question. Yes. Oh, yeah, I just fixed your retainer Sorry, I had to break up with my girlfriend because she hated the retainer is the thing and now I'm ready to just fucking plow through anyone and everybody I can't abide this kind of language about nice young nice young women I have mr. Nevers, I just wanted to add, or Dr. Nevers, sorry. It's fine, I'm a dentist, I'm used to it. Oh yeah, well.

We have the utmost respect for dentistry, sir. Absolutely. I have two questions for you. Is it, just so we know, because we're young guys in relationships who may or may not be cheating, is it cheating if you just dance with someone? If you're just emotionally stepping out?

Yeah, cause I told my girlfriend. You don't have to tell us why. I told her we're like on a break is what I said. So like I'm wondering. So Dave like. Okay, you know what kids, you're asking the big questions right now and you're catching me flat footed.

I'll be honest, 40 years of marriage to Tred's mother. Oh, God. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. There's been relationships that I felt curiosity about. And thank God I never did anything. You know? But how could you not?

40 years of marriage. Sure. So on time, yeah? 40 years of marriage. Sure. That's a long time, yeah. 40 years of marriage. Don't drill down on that guy. Yeah. I guess we don't want to. I'm sorry.

But I imagine that like your love for your son probably keeps you together on the straight and narrow. Yeah. You know what, to have an ex-eust, it really does. I'm so proud of that boy. Part two of my question was gonna be like, does Tred ever piss you off? That's a good question. Well, he just said he was fucking proud of you.

You know, I think Tred's become quite an emotional young boy and I'm really trying to be there for him. You know, my bigger fear is that I piss him off. Wow. Wow, yeah. But I mean, sometimes when he points to the station wagon that he's like taking the back seats out of to turn Into like a little camper for one All those things on the station wagon. I am kind of like can't you learn driving a little quicker?

He's gotten kind of good at driving that's great I'm glad to hear that he dropped us out here and left He was here and then he left? Yeah, he said a big gig to go to. He was going to a big gig. He freaked out and said he was going to a big gig. I kicked Maverick in the shit. Ow, for no reason.

Shit. You know, I got to tell you guys, I've been really busy. I've been really distracted getting into some new hobbies. Now I'm feeling like I haven't been talking to him enough. I'm gonna have to talk to him when I get back. Yeah, so like what are you up to here? Yeah, I can smell your hut. I came here with the better late than never's.

He gestures to his t-shirt, very proud of it. Clearly ironed on all these like little things himself. Just really psyched that you like have hobbies outside of work. Yeah, ironing stuff onto shirts is the thinking man's passion. It feels like that works better in a different context. Yeah. No, yeah. No, me and the crew, we wanted to take our magic on the road. We wanted to get it out there. We

wanted some field experience, you know? So here we are, and it's my first time engaging in something like this. I mean, a lowly dentist from the party plane coming to one of the biggest magical festivals. You are the best dentist. Lowly and only, and only, yeah. Anyway, so yeah, I didn't know you guys were gonna be here.

Yeah, who's your crew? Yeah, would we know who the Better Late Than Never's are? No, I didn't know you guys were gonna be here. Yeah, who's uh, who's your crew? Yeah, would we know who the better late than never's are or not really they're just kind of like he points to the hut And he's like yeah, we got a Miriam Phil Jen with two ends Jen with one end okay, you might have seen them around like at a supermarket I've seen Jen with two ends. Yeah, Jen. Jim was my manager Okay, I worked there one summer I worked at the Piggly Wiggly Jen with two N's. Yeah, Jen was my manager. At the Circle K. I worked there one summer. I worked at the Piggly Wiggly.

The party plane is blessed. We have every type of grocery store. So we're kind of looking for somewhere to kind of, cause we got locked out of our Winnebago. So if you, could we stay in your vegetable tent? Are you referring to the Leamins tiny hut? Yeah? Oh, yeah, absolutely. I mean it's Floor-to-ceiling mason jars right now. That's awesome. There's not like a card in there

No, I don't think so no, I think if you wanted to bring everything out You'd have to do it the old-fashioned way my hand okay. Gotcha, okay. Well, how wide is the station wagon? We could probably all squeeze in there, right? I'd say probably one and a half people could take a short rest in there, if that's what you're thinking. So we'll take turns doing short rest. I'll climb right in. Yeah, I think we'll... Wow.

Mavris is his way. He got he conked out. Mavris is out. He just wrapped himself in his Batman cape. All right, Dr. Nevers, we'll have fun and maybe we'll see you at the grotto later or something. Why would you invite him to the party? I just said maybe you'd see him. Cormac, you know I wasn't planning on going

but I guess I will now. Yeah. And if you have any like dental wisdom to impart on me, young learner, in the trade, I just feel like the party plane needs more dentists. He wants to be a dentist. Yeah, no, I know that. Yeah, you told me that last night. He holds your hand. Here's my dental wisdom. Sir. If there's so much Novacaine in there that they can't feel it and you accidentally touch their root with your drill, you gotta come clean. You gotta tell them.

They might need a root canal. Honestly, it's the greatest tool of a dentist. Yeah. Hey everybody, it's Emily here to talk to you about Uncommon Goods. Spark something uncommon this holiday with just the right gift from Uncommon Goods. From holiday host and hostess gifts to the coolest find for kids to hits for everyone from book lovers to diehard sports fans, Uncommon Goods has something for everyone. Their website is chock full of festive gift ideas, including some fun twists like a retro games advent calendar, murder mystery jigsaw puzzles, personalized hometown map glasses. My favorite thing that I'm getting from myself, but also from my parents, is a custom

pet embroidered sweatshirt. You send them a pic of your pet, they embroider it with your sweet pet's name. I personally got mine in mint. To get 15% off your next gift, go to uncommongoods.com slash pawpaw. That's uncommongoods.com slash p-a-w-p-a-w for 15% off. Don't miss out on this limited time offer. Uncommon Goods. We're all out of the ordinary. Goodbye, sweeties. Hey there, nadpoles. You know when you discover a new binge-worthy show or a song that's so good you just have to share it with your friends so they can experience how awesome it is?

Well that's kind of what it feels like when you discover that Mint Mobile offers premium wireless for $15 a month when you purchase a three-month plan. It's just such an awesome deal there's no way you can keep it to yourself. Friends, don't let friends overpay for wireless, so say bye bye to your overpriced wireless plan and switch to Mint Mobile. Mint Mobile is here to rescue you and your squad with premium wireless plans starting at just $15 a month. All plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. You can use your phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all of your existing contacts. Ditched overpriced wireless with Mint Mobile's deal and get three months of premium wireless service for just $15 a month. To get this new customer offer

and your new three-month premium wireless plan for $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com slash pawpaw. That is mintmobile.com slash pawpaw. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash pawpaw. $45 upfront payment required, equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first 3 month plan only. Speeds slower above 40GB on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. You can see mint mobile for details All right, well are we going? I'm sorry sorry. I was fully asleep Okay, um, yeah, your dad's not cheating on your mom. He loves her a lot, right?

Well, yeah, that's what he would say, but there's something else going on, all right? Tred, as you say that, the woman in the silver robes comes by with an armful of kindling, and your dad perks up and says, oh, I can't even believe I forgot to say this. This is the perfect opportunity. I wanted to introduce you to my guru. Your guru?

You have a guru? Yeah, that's me and the crew have been studying magic and you see this woman in her pale shimmering cloth that's sort of burnt at the hems, puts her bundle down and bows to you. Hello. Hi. So you're teaching people magic?

Oh yeah, so these are Tread's friends. I don't know why Tread isn't here, but these are Tread's friends. Tell her I had a gig. He's got a big gig. He freaked out and he had a gig. It was like comparatively big to his other shows, but it's not that big. He's playing at the piggly wiggly It was in like the home good section where they say no books and shit It was paid, but not my yeah

He still has to bag stuff after after he's done playing he's not to like finish up shit Yeah, but it's like a pretty busy It's so wonderful to meet all of you. It's nice to meet you. It's very lucky that Tred and his father have each other. Yeah, we're always saying that. This is how we like to talk about our friend and his dad. I love gassing up our boy when he's not here by talking about Miriam comes out with a huge armload of mason jars and the door to the tiny hut is open if you want to go I'm gonna hold the flap open for no reason for an extra three seconds. Okay, I come out of invisibility.

So to recap, since we've been here, we've been covered in shit, sprayed with seltzer, Matt got a hug, and we talked to my dad. Why is this an interesting party place for us to fucking go? Dude, check it out! Unlimited beats! Dude, we can have as many beats as we want! Great! Now we're in a fucking vegetable tent I why did you say I was playing the fucking Piggly Wiggly? Oh I

What was that? Would you not? We had to come up with a convincing lie dude It didn't have to be that convincing Dude we can't say that like you're playing at like red rocks or something Yeah there's a weird In between Piggly Wiggly and red I can't think of one place Like Toad's Place or something To Yeah, there's in between Piggly Wiggly and Red. I can't think of one place.

Like Toad's Place or something. You can get Toad's Place? Toad's Place? Yeah, you can get Toad's Place. Just a fucking small venue. I was trying to put it to the group. I didn't necessarily, I'm gonna be honest guys. I didn't wanna come over here

and sit around the smelly vegetables. I wanted, this sounded like we heard we passed a bunch of sick stuff that was a little more party oriented. We're just gonna regroup in the hut, okay? We're just gonna have some beef. Oh yeah, great, well why don't we talk about what the fuck are we talking about?

What are you inviting my fucking dad to? I didn't invite your dad! You did! I said if we saw him there, it'd be fine! You see out the window that Fred's dad is now walking over to the grotto. Oh great, maybe we'll give out his fucking sticker shirt that he made iron on dude your dad

would never use stickers that can you open this yeah try to open the can yeah you open it up do you want me crack it with a bunch of these no I don't think you're done go that's so smart you see the Davis open it with his teeth and it's just jagged as hell yeah Yeah, Mac just starts down in pickles. So yeah, if you guys wanna just chill in this fucking pickle hut and take a short rest, you absolutely can. Oh, oh, yeah.

I'll take a short rest. Yeah, I'll take a short rest and eat beets and pickles. Guys, I feel a little disappointed in our performance so far. Really? I feel like things have really taken a turn for the better. Because last time I was here, I was like, I was in the cuddle party, and then I went into the grotto. You can do.

You're just listening to all the things I told you that I saw earlier. Yeah. Yeah. Gates, all that stuff. Yeah. So it was exactly the same? Yeah. You made it seem like it was really different.

Yeah, we could go to the grotto with Tred's dad if you guys want. So it was exactly the same? Yeah. You made it seem like it was really different. Yeah, we could go to the grotto with Tred's dad if you guys want. Okay, so my dad's not cheating on my mom, but like something weird is happening. He's like best friends with this fucking strange lady. Yeah. And we still don't know what the fuck is up with Carl. You know Carl's going to Glade Home University? Yeah, without me telling us?

I can't even fucking talk about that right now. Everything is backwards right now. Like my dad is at the grotto and we're in a vegetable tent. Well, that part's normal. Why? We just gotta go to the Ferry Grotto and get some Marijano and smoke it up. Okay. Okay.

He's talking about weed, right? I think so. He's saying it so different that I think it might be something else. As long as you're off doing coke, I think we he's saying it's so different that I think it might be something else As long as you're off doing coke Do we even still I mean we have this sick vegetable tent do we even still need to sleep in the Winnebago To be fair the Winnebago is caked in shit on the inside. So like wouldn't we not yeah, yeah go Okay, let's let's try our bet at the grotto. maybe we could sleep at the grotto. I mean we could sleep here

Yeah, we can just come back here. Why don't we yeah? Yeah, just park up Yeah, well, I mean we don't have bed rolls or anything, so we'll just leave and come back Yeah, and not brush our teeth or I'm gonna take about ten things a basin jar Trade them for anything else. Oh, that's smart. Yeah, let's just. We have no currency. Did all of the adults go to the grotto or just my dad? I think you just saw your dad,

but presumably they all go everywhere in a crew. Jen with two ends is gonna be there. That's true. You have like a pretty strong relationship with Jen with two ends. I think she's cool. When did you see Jen with two ends grocery store? We saw it at the grocery store. I saw it at Wankman's. I know one's cool. When did you see Jen with two ends? Grocery store?

We saw her at the grocery store. I saw her at Wakewinds. I know one end Jen. You know one end Jen? Yeah. And like I said, I definitely have walked past Miriam before. Right? Yeah, seen them all around the various grocery stores.

Why don't we just combine crews? Yeah, I'm just saying like while they're gone, we could like, you know, raid their toothbrushes or whatever, like I feel like. Oh, you wanna steal it? Why don't you give me an investigation check to see what kind of supplies you could find around here? I feel like they're adults, so they're like, yeah.

Can I help? Sure. Yeah. Oh, it's true. Any good dentist worth their fluoride would have extra toothbrushes on them. Oh, you might have an extra toothbrush. It's a 21.

Yeah, you find toothbrushes. Yes! toothbrushes, toothpaste, floss, mouthwash. There's a bathtub in here so you can all take baths. I'm gonna take a bath first. Yeah, I'm gonna take a bath. Yeah, I'm bathing. The fridge is stocked all with like, you know, like non-alcoholic, buzzy like kombuchas and all the health food you could want.

So many quinoa bowls. I need the place to myself at midnight. Okay, I need it at 12.05. Aren't they gonna come back here though? No, this is just ours, right? As long as the bathroom has a lot, it's fine. I've jerked it in the station wagon before, so I'll just do it there.

What? In his dad's station wagon? You've jerked off in Dread's dad's station wagon. When? I don't have to answer that. No, I think you actually do, Dave. Dread squares up with Dave. Where do we want to go?

I think you need to answer that right now. On the way to Six Flags, okay? On my birthday? Wait, sorry, on the way there? Not even on... You don't have the decency to do it on the way home. Because his dad has one of those old station wagons that have

a seat that faces backwards in the back and he freaking jacked it back there. I heard him shuffling around back there. There was a Land's End catalog back there. I heard him shuffling around back there. There was a Land's End catalog back there. There's actually a Land's End catalog in here. I mean we take it. We take it for midnight. Everyone wait till midnight, okay?

Oh, this is the fucking summer issue. There's one piece galore. There's some sensible one piece Epic This is so epic Unfortunately a couple of them are dog-eared Oh my Okay

Holy shit Jen with two ends is looking at the one piece Oh fuck Oh wow I need something for the server house. Guys, are we fucking pathetic? Are we fucking worth it? As Maverick says that, you guys have basically arrived, caused drama in several different locations

and then retired to a... And made deep plans to masturbate later. Just tell me now just tell me we are and I'll take it Just tell me we're not Huge promotion happening at the fey grotto. Oh, what shit? Well, what is going on? Oh, everybody chunks of beef. All right, let's go, let's go. Eat a pickle on the go. I grab a toothbrush. You all chomp down on pickles and toothbrush. And you run out of the hut, and you

see that several of the pixies that were hanging around this pop-up oasis of centaurs and dryads, a couple of the pixies are going freaking nuts. Flinging fire bolts at the Blazing Babe, Malora effigy. Whoa! Whoa, you're going, you're going, you're going! We wanna see the babe burn! Ha ha ha ha!

Not good, hey! Everyone roll initiative. That's not supposed to happen til later. We took a short rest? Yeah, you took a short rest. Oh wow, that's a 21 for Treant. 12. Oh 12, that's pretty good.

I got a 13. I got a sexy little six. Six, okay. I rolled their initiative ahead of time and the pixies are going to go after all of you. Whoa. So they're acting as a group. There are four pixies.

Are they all grouped together? They're all kind of you. Whoa. So they're acting as a group. There are four pixies. Are they all grouped together? Um, they're all kind of separate. They're all just like holding fistfuls of fire and charging different sides of the effigy. The crew at the at the fey grotto is like, what the fuck are you doing? And they're just like, haha, we want to see the babe, please. Tred, you are first to act. All right, okay. I can do that, no problem. Save the vibes, Tred. I got to, all right. All right, I guess I look at one of the pixies and... When you look at it, you see she has fire in her eyes.

I wonder if they've been possessed. I look at that fire and I use that as I rip a fearsome solo on my guitar. Okay. And I cast fear on her. Ooh, wait, what's the radius of that? 30 feet. 30 feet, also you can get two of them.

Oh, nice. All right, yeah. God, he's playing the freaking bridge from Dumpweed. Beanie, beanie, beanie, beanie, beanie, beanie, beanie, beanie, beanie, beanie, beanie, beanie. Tred, it's too good. Save it for the Wiggly. It's so scary.

Okay, so. Hunched over. Yeah, so you hunch over your guitar and you play a fearsome lick. Are there any lyrics to go with it? Um, yeah. Thank you, Mack, for the epic beer. And now I will cast beer.

That's the best song you've ever written, dude. OK, so these monstrous notes come out of your guitar. What kind of save do they do? That's a wisdom save. Whoa. One of them fails. The other one gets an 18, so that passes. Okay, so one of them fails.

What does fear do? I project a phantasmal image of a creature's worst fears. You have to make a saving throw, and while frightened by this spell, a creature must take the dash action and move away from you by the safest available route on each of its turns, unless there's nowhere to move. If the creature ends its turn in a location

where it doesn't have line of sight to you, the creature can make a wisdom saving throw on a successful save. The spell ends for the creature. Okay, so these like monstrous, huge notes that you make, they basically like expand and tower over this little pixie who was throwing fire bolts and she kind of shrinks from it and she's like, actually I don't think I wanna see,

I don't wanna see, I don't wanna see her butt. I didn't think so. Now it's the opening riff to Dumpweed. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. And on her turn, she will take a dash action. Mavris, that's you. There are still three pixies out there. Mavris is gonna bring back a oldie but a goodie.

Malf's Minute Meteors! Whoa! Little meteors come up and circle around Maverice and let's see what I do. Love these little meatballs. I create six tiny meteors in space. They float around me and then as a bonus action on my turn

I will throw one or two meteors. So I throw one or two meteors So I'm gonna do Summon like these little meteors around you catch the attention of the moon elves who are like And they do they whirl around your head or how does that work I don't have to answer that question right now. I'm Knows is bleeding just a little bit stop he juggles We're not that he's a juggler Nobody has figured it out. Okay, and I'm gonna throw He learned how to juggle on YouTube

It only took him four and a half months. I'm a sorcerer. I learned how to do it on YouTube. So they make a deck 16. They have a plus five to decks. Oh, shit. So one got an 18 and one got a five. OK, so the one that got 18 will take half. OK, cool. Ooh, that's a five and a six.

So one takes 11 and one takes five. Yeah. Okay, so you throw this meteor, one of them, it completely knocks her out. Down to the ground. Got him. Shit. Again, everyone that you've alienated so far

rethinks their social interaction with you because of that move. And then another one, like, takes it to the face and is, uh, that sounds a little brutal, but yeah, why not? She takes it to the face and it's like, oh, but then she still goes to summon her little fireball. Okay. Mack, that's you.

Okay, um, the one who just got hit by the rock and stayed up, I guess I'll just run up and take a crack at her with my mace. Okay, the one who just got hit by the rock and stayed up, I guess I'll just run up and take a crack at her with my mace. What? Oh my God, dude! What? You brought a mace?

We need to stop them! You just- She's gonna ruin the party! Pretty dark, dude. Whoa, you're escalating. 14? 30 is 15. Oh!

I beat! Matt runs up to this pixie with a mace that he got from a bachelor party, if I recall. Yeah. Be careful, dude, you're gonna pull something. Oh! As you miss, you like swing your mace, it lands down and you ask you like bend over to pick it up,

you make eye contact with one of the dry ad stickers. What the hell? I take my next attack on that. And then Dave, that is your turn. There are, there's one Pixie who's gonna dash, one who looks still like she has resolve to throw a fireball, and one who's like fully ready to go nuts.

All right. Dave is going to target the one that is about to throw a fireball. Gonna switch to, finally, finally, finally, finally, gonna use my mouth blast, gonna use a mouth shower, switching to like a slushy cold breath. Ooh! And as one of my attacks, I'm gonna run over to them

and just blast them with some like slushy ice breath. Okay, great. What does she do? It's gonna be a DC 14 deck safe, I believe. A deck safe, okay. So Dave runs over to this hurt pixie and throws up a slushie on her. That I missed without missing.

She did an insane series of events. I'm so sorry, she rolled really well. She got a 24 on her deck save. Oh, okay. Did she still take half damage? Oh yeah, I believe so. Roll the damage because she might eat it. She feels like a drinking game.

Dave, with a very full mouth I believe so. Roll the damage because she might eat it. This feels like a drinking game. Ha ha ha ha. Dave with a very full mouth because it's full of slushy ice says, hey, cool out. Ha ha ha ha. That's 17, oh wait no, half of that. That's eight damage. That finishes her. Yay!

You drown her in a mountain of slushy ice. Like, wow. Whoa. Whoa. This is what you guys are missing. And what would you like to do with your second attack? With my second attack, I pull out a frisbee that I got from the treat drawer at Dr. Nevers' office. You got enough tokens, you got enough rubber bands changed to be able to get a frisbee? I saved up for years. You see it's a frisbee that has a B on it and the text says, always be brushing.

Really emphasizing the B. It's a double entendre. I scream as I launch it. I'm right next to Dave. It echoes through his retainer, his heirloom retainer. And I'm going to do a bursting arrow on the fully healthy pixie. Great. Make your attack. 13 misses.

13 does mess, yeah. Did you know we see where that went? That went off into the night, dude. I'm sorry. It's just out in the desert. I saw where it went and it's gone forever. There's so many tokens. Oh my God. Years of work. I'm really sad for you.

I couldn't get you one. Like you guys don't have to save up the tokens. I think that- It's in my house. It doesn't count that way. I think that she's going to just see Dave do this to her friend and instead of hurling a firebolt, she will turn to Dave and try to use her confusing

touch on him. Wait that's so weird confusion touch. Give me a wisdom saving throw. Okay. Dave's wise. Uh as I mentioned before I have a, we're on the rocks, so like, there's nothing confusing about this. Hahaha! Ooh! Uh, wisdom save? Yeah. 17? You make it.

Hahaha! Had you not made that, you would have had to attack one of your friends. Oh my god. That would have been so dramatic. We wouldn't have come back from that. That would have been it. Hahaha! So she basically was like, don't go after me,

go after one of your friends. I brush her hand off and say, get your hand off of me. Me and Sterzen are still working it out. Sterzen. And then the other pixie who's still standing is going to use her turn to dash. Tred, it's back around to you. All right, cool.

So there's one more pixie. There's one pixie standing. All right, I guess I will take out your sword. I could also sing another song. Let's see what my sword does. You got a captive audience here, dude. I'm singing a song, man. Make your heart beat fast, pitter and patter,

then it breaks like glass when I make it shatter. Oh! Shatter, I make it shatter Tread you're fucking ready for the kill, dude What kind of save is that con? Whoa? She got a not one nice Then I'll cast it at only a Okay I'll try, and I'll cast it at only a second level. Okay, 3d8, it's only 10 damage. That is exactly how many hit points she has. She explodes into, you actually see that as she explodes from this shatter, she explodes into like a thick ooze

that sort of stinks like bile. to like a thick ooze that sort of stinks like bile. Oh, is that from the Winnebago? Who fucking beefed? Who beefed? Yeah, is that the- Do they beef when they left? Is that like what happens to pixies when they die? They like, beef?

They just like turn into goo and beef? You see the other fey are confused by this. They're like kind of fucked up by this, like what the fuck just. Can I go investigate the news? Yeah. Dave's gonna like dip a finger into it and hold it up to his nose. You're gonna dip a finger? Yeah.

Okay, then I'm going to need you to roll a D100. Ha! As Hungry Dave is doing this, Mavris speaks to the crowd and says, okay everyone, people seem to think that we weren't really bringing anything to the table and I just want everyone to know that we're here to, we're not cops.

Uh. As you say that, give me a persuasion check with disadvantage because nothing makes someone seem more like a cop. The crowd whispers, are they cops? Are they cops? Two eights, which becomes persuasion? Yeah.

16. Okay, 16, you get away with it. You say the thing that usually would put a spotlight on someone. Minor illusions and fireworks. And everyone's like, whoa, okay, he can't be. I do drugs. Treads dad, what?

Yeah, this guy loves coke. You know the name of that one, Dave? He thinks it's a muffin. That guy seems like he doesn't do drugs, right? The way he said coke. Dave, what did you get on the D100? I accidentally rolled two of the higher number ones, the multiples of 10 ones, but it's a 60 and an 80.

So it can either be 68 or 86. I'm not gonna look at the table. What do you prefer? Ooh, okay. 68, because it's almost 69, obviously. Yeah, I was gonna say that. 68, so your eyes turn black 68 because it's almost 69. Okay, cool. Yeah, I was gonna say it. 68. So your eyes turn black and you get dark vision to a range of 120 feet.

Whoa! What's 86? 86? Can I eat the goo and take the 86? I'm not gonna tell you what 86 is, but I think he would have actually preferred it. Yeah, you wanna eat the goo? Yeah, I'll roll do 100 This is like a sci-fi movie where they're like clearly bad

Look at this permanent neo glasses you guys know it like Dave can see You find your disk it hovers towards you I got an 88 Smells so rank. Why would you guys want to taste? Okay, you're it just tastes like shit Your ears become wings My ears Guys stop touching it! And Everest looks at it. I know we can find it! The price was too high!

The price was too high! Look at him! Just do the goo! You look like fucking Dumbo now! You're like Mario 64! Actually give me a performance check to see how much you're rocking this! Eleven! Eleven?

He actually looks a little better than you would expect. Yeah. Can I? A couple people clock it. They're interested. Ah fuck, if everyone's gonna like it, then I'm gonna touch the goo. I'm gonna, okay. Anyone who touches the goo has to roll a D100.

Can I sneak up behind Trent and push him in the goo? Absolutely. I'm not gonna fucking touch the goo has to roll a d100. Can I sneak up on you and try to push him in the goo? Absolutely. I'm not gonna fucking touch the goo. Touch the goo, dude. Everyone else just touched the goo and I had to be covered in it. Come on, it's not fucking normal. I touched the goo. I put my hand in it.

33. This is the moment I started. A? Can I use your D? Oh no. This is so sad for Tred. Tred, as you get shoved into the goo, your ears free themselves from your head and scurry away. Why is everybody dealing with ear shit? Catch him. It's all the super ear focus. I Free their selves from your head and scurry away Maverick got a 52 Dave can you see trans here? The targets arms become tentacles with fingers and increasing your reach by five feet. That's sick.

Oh no. I'm gonna touch the goo again and see if I can get a better one just to be like. You can't double touch, dude. Can you double touch? Wait, I have fingers on the end of tentacles? I got an 81 on the double touch and I'm just trying to touch the one part of the goo

that gets my ears to grow back The targets head doubles in size Now it's even more obvious I found your ears dude, you want to put them back on? Yeah well no I don't want to put them back on they don't match Help Help Help! Help! See you guys sit here touching this goo. A girl, like a summer Aladdin who's like,

wearing a little name tag that says Amber comes and she's like, oh my God, this is a disaster! Please stop touching the goo! Clearly something horrible has happened here. Well, because they double touched it, that's why. Yeah, I shouldn't double touch it. Obviously we saved the day, so somebody has to kind of like, fix this stuff.

I'm so sorry to point this out, but now that your head is so huge, even if we find your ears are they gonna fit? They're not gonna fit at all. So we need to reverse everything that happens. Well, except for my wing ears. We have some broccoli, we have some pickles, we have some carrots. Yeah, because if I put my beanie on then then like Dave said, I do look like Wing Cat Mario. And I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna look for some longer sleeves maybe. They're just hanging out of your cloak of displacement.

So as you guys are touching this goo, I think that this girl, who's kind of like an authoritative figure here, is like, something weird is going going on everyone just step away from the goo but like if I triple touch it maybe everything will go back to normal. You want to touch it again? Long arms. How many triple touch? He's triple touching. This is honestly epic. That's an 89. 89? Oh your ears become wings giving you a flying speed, but you don't know where they are Speed of five feet slowly. I'm just going off into the desert try to predict a direction They're gonna go in he should be going straight should have carried me my reach? So try to your ears fly off. They're fucking gone

Mac is flying after them. I if Mac if you carried me you'd have a lot I could reach them. All right We can try and then you're not you're coming back for him. You're never gonna catch them I'll guide you look to back for him. You're never gonna catch them. I'll guide you. Look to the left. There they are. As you all do this. Your eyes, Dave. As you all do this, this woman who's clearly some sort of kind of like authoritative figure

is like, okay, something went terribly wrong, but you guys helped us out. So I'm going to bring you to a med tent and get this sorted out. All right. In the meantime, she pours some of this Iker into a little tube without herself touching it. It sort of analyzes it. You shouldn't touch it. You shouldn't touch it. Or you could. Maybe you could. Or you touch it again. But if you do touch it once, touch it twice.

Or thrice. She looks at it and she goes, this is so weird because they were just these pixies that were transported in from the Feywild, but this is fiend eiker. What? Okay. And like, they're not.

Like from the Infernal Plains. Wow. Wait, what? And that's where we'll end this mixed bag. What? I guess we're gonna have to have a part three. Aw, sorry. We spent too much time in the vegetable tent,

and now the two-parter is the three-parter. Oops. You spent too much time standing still arguing. It was really funny to be like, here's all these things. And you guys were like, no, I think we would like to yell at someone. We need to yell at someone and find the Lands End magazine. And now it's time to thank our benevolent council of elders. They are Brad D, Jeffrey S, Lord of the Fjord, later Mick

Skater, Matt M, Cutter W, Jeff C, Daniel G, Danielle the dastardly Dane, Beardman Dan, Carpe Liam, Bryant who is worthy of a first class grinching, yes you are, Victor T, Balnor's boy, Boyd's friend, Justin I, Danny Danster, TJ M, Trelai the Cray, Christopher B, Damiel R, Jordan L, Cyborg version of Josh the Kobold, Targot, Stevie Wags, Hellish Rebukeur, Ph.D., Princess Yar, Jory S, Rachel from Animorphs, Jack L, Nicholas C, star of every film ever made in Bohemia, Mike Hightower, Alka Smeltzer Plus, Great Value Gemma, Tyler F., Fighting Favorites the Favorite Things Podcast, Knee Badger, Heradrian, Carboro Chapel Hill FPV, Rex Daniel the White, Cici Lulu,

Ol Cobbs, Dunkle, Older Burn, Hercul Poiro, the Rabbit Folk Detective, Timmy R., Rayco, Calder Comes Cold, Shout Out to the Cold Come Come Companions, Frosty Facial, of course, Taylor B., The Venture one-winged angel. Cass strong grinch. Steven awkward silence then quietly no.

C. Mike K. Lady taco. Ya girl got knocked up. Congrats! Nick W. William W. Big Bad. Beardo the Mad. Eric McD. Anorama. Percival.

Fredrick Stein von Muscle. Klawowski de Rolo III J. Dragonborn Guardian of the Vibe Honoring the Cock Flux Rue Ben A. Dave H. Dustin S. Danny F. Hawkeye Pierce Book Vars Assistant Izzy F. Big Bad John DPC is Awesome Hashtag Honor the Cock Sean the Shade Tree Mechanic of Zelbaldar Summer RG Kat C. Mesa of House Enzunza,

Ariel the Occasional Mermaid, Selena N aka Velaisey Raptor, Bperky Always, Pat L, Maxwell J, Lauren H, Serv16, Annie the Feywild Therapist, Connor SAVAGE, Salil, Biochort7, Amber Dextrous, Bean Rat was Innocent, Trub Hop Dropper, Jack H, King of the Mole people under Iron Deep, dressed in blue and fighting his way through a bracket style tournament, Vaelyn, Paj, the Bitchin' Bunny Bard, Carlin C, Noah the Bullywog Boy, Hashtag Arnuthacock, James G, EverythingBago, the Eladrin who just wants to hang out with his pet badger Stripey, Daddy Master Dandy, Han, Eric B, Marcos, Learns the Balance, Druid. Frida M.

Pago's self-proclaimed fake king asking you to watch The Disruptors, starring Ali Beardsley and Grant O'Brien. Tracy P., the Crick Elf Librarian, Maggie. Holly the Green Laughing Hyena finally caught up to the Duck Team. Akash Thakkar, Cal, just Cal. Aaron B. Russell H. A monk named Dilgo, yes the whole thing, yes every time.

Cody C. Lorelei the succubi, and Kira the succulent snack. McKenna S. Your friendly neighborhood yont and yunkle, Andrew and Sid. John Adams, the writing candidate for 2024, I wish. Meg, the male carrier manager of Bohemia. James F. Austin S.

Wayfarer now has to do something with the trolls, get rid of them, turn to page 42. Austin S. Wayfarer now has to do something with the trolls, get rid of them, turn to page 42, keep them, turn to page 69. Shane C. Barpo, good barrel, bard, barian. Welschlander, Garrett G. One big curd, Renee the monster captain, box, clifton, Olivia the enchanting bard, and Jared the soap opera cleric who are playing stick it to the man down with the monarchy. Winter Slade, FICO,

Garrett the Artificer, Damon J, Anthony the Rattest of Dudes, J, The Fairies Say Caw-Caw, Congratulations to Susanna and Caldwell on their new baby, that's right, Cantrip, Dumbledore, the Bear Onesie-Wearing Barbarian, Lexi H, Roger L, No-Drog, the Pass a Fist Barbarian, Gino T, Gianlucaca Tristan the Talentless Hunk Leon K. Legendary Hero of Bohemia from a Future Campaign Shenanigans O'Connor Mios the Great Joshua S. Alexander Linz W. Johnny Dude K. Pavo Eskinor the Goliath Paladin providing service with a smile Tim M. Catnapping in a sunbeam listening to a podcast. MLG, Cheeto,

C Jam, Hampton, Shel B. Kenna's now first favorite sprite girl. Tris Hard-Seltzer more like piss Hard-Seltzer congrats Tanner Wolf fam. Jackson R. Snailus who is infecting Worcestershire for within. Captain Morgan, pirate wizard, Pawpaw Skydays, Mimaw Skydays, Megan N, Anthony B, Savannah H, Balnor's best friend, Steve, Stephanie of House Inzunza, Benjamin A, Gimli the corgi, Pawpaw and Foster's canine friend, Mickle A, Josh Hole, pilot of the Nightmare Verse flight, Froakie, the two crew, blew through, Jennery, Ethan the Mailman, Maple, the Shy Bookworm, Ashesaurus, Seth E., Billy Batson, Tori, the Tungsten, Dragoose, Michael L. S. II, Jacob the Purveyor of Shenanigans, Carl B., Plumber of the Realm, Parcell, Dex Riddlewell, Hannah A., Ra, Ace Dregs, High

Lord of Critsburg, Darius D., Troy's Mom, Vin Diagram, GKC, Teehee, Teehee. Catamilius, the Consumed. Bardiff Holding. Clinton P. Thankful Cam, the Frog Man. Dean, Jake W. Hi Mom, Hello. Tuesday Cross, the Choose Your Own Adventure writer, not the porn star, Steve L. Alex G. Zibby, DeBackerie, Nicole, Katarina C. Lady Jacqueline P. of Castle Castle Whitestone, and of course, Potato Ponk. Thank you everybody! That was a HeadGum Podcast.