Not Another D&D Podcast - The Mavrus Chronicles - Ep 5: Into the Kelp Forest (w/ Zac Oyama)

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Starting point is 00:01:33 This is not another D&D podcast. Welcome back to Bahumia. Bahumia! Bahumia! Bahumia! Bahumia! Specifically the penultimate episode of Hot Boy Summer! Oh! Announcement! Oh, spoiler alert! Clothes and boys, the summer is coming to an end.

Starting point is 00:01:57 I am, of course, your dungeon-dose and Emily expert joined us always by some incredibly hot boys starting with Brian Murphy. Ooh, beer breads that went down a chutes that's looking cute in a scuba suit. It's Max on a mumpford. Fuck, don't let anyone go back. I said penultimate, not ultimate, geez. Next week's gonna be even better. Next week's gonna be even better.

Starting point is 00:02:24 And of course we got Carl Wiltonner. Oh what's up it's me hungry Dave. I am a bro who loves Bruce whose throw is true and my glow is blue. Nice! Shut up! Everyone is showing up today. Now I'm gonna put Jake on with time. Okay, small and thin. we'll fuck up a dolphin. As he lives in sin in this island prison. I, wow, I didn't know how many times we were gonna have to rhyme, yeah.

Starting point is 00:02:57 And of course, weighing in with the most rhymes of all, we've got Zach on. Okay, Maverickly on school, trying to get Carl back by thunder stepping with my buddy, Mac. Please don't call me Zach because I'm Maverick and I'm on track. Yes!

Starting point is 00:03:22 Yes! Yes! You really were on track. I'm really glad you're on track. I'm really glad you're on track. I'm really glad you're on track. I'm really glad you're on track. I'm really glad you're on track.

Starting point is 00:03:31 I'm really glad you're on track. I'm really glad you're on track. I'm really glad you're on track. I'm really glad you're on track. I'm really glad you're on track. I'm really glad you're on track. I'm really glad you're on track. I'm really glad you're on track.

Starting point is 00:03:39 Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! heavy. Like an Olympic gymnast just constantly about to break their ankle. You see that like Tony Hawk meter side to side. Last episode, Tread Maverous, Mack, and Hungry Dave stared down a shoot leading to the bottom of the ocean. Before you jumped in, however, Tread discovered a new sing-along ability. Mac discovered his brewer's yeast was awakened.

Starting point is 00:04:08 And Stiegel gave the crew a heartfelt parting gift. An engraved bone-fraer behavior shot glass. You all then insisted on wasting a bardic inspiration to try to help Stiegel close with Henry Cavalber. It was not a waste. Tred, just checking in. How many Barney inspirations do you have left? I think I have two. Oh, we need same amount of balls I have. After that, you jumped into a confusing puzzle

Starting point is 00:04:35 of forking shoots covered in jelly grease and stinking of hungry Dave's fart. After an emotionally charged journey and some discrepancy about which two of you hungry Dave would sacrifice a nut for, you arrived in a glass airlock at the bottom of the ocean. There, you spotted a coral reef cluttered with humanoid litter dragged there by the currents. Hungry Dave, you so smartly befriended a cuddlefish. Maveris, you joined a Manterevortex. Mac, you started shit with an octopus, and you

Starting point is 00:05:06 finally texted Carl only to discover his speaking stone had washed into this very reef along with the Robin's egg blue chainmail polo armor HD lost the night before. Unfortunately, as you tried to retrieve it, the reef came alive and you all had to fight a massive coral drake. During the fight, Tread's thunderous power cords uncovered yet another speaking stone and a message written in Murphoke, and Mack and Tread teamed up for a sick, bestow, curse combo. It's kind of like a duet, really.

Starting point is 00:05:41 Tread dabbled in duets. Super rad, I'm still the front man, but it's featuring you. In the end, you defeated the Carl Drake with an improvised emo song and returned to the airlock to shotgun beers and inspect items. You read the Murfolk message and discovered that word had spread that an elite team called the Bond Flares had infiltrated whoever the Murfolk were protecting. Maveris unlocked Carl's speaking stone by minor illusioning himself to look like,

Starting point is 00:06:08 and this is Huggard Dave's words, a skinny-necked Carl. And you discover that the text from Infinity actually casts a spell compelling Carl to join her in the mist. And finally, you investigated the last speaking stone and discovered it belonged to another missing person, the one who stole the second seedew the night that coral disappeared,

Starting point is 00:06:32 an unidentified member of the paddle puppies with several frantic, unanswered, dude, where are you texts from their leader, Baffin? And that's where you are now, in a nearly flooded airlock at the bottom of the ocean that you've turned into a saltwater hot tub by using Create Bondfire, staring at not one but two speaking stones of missing persons. Okay, shit. First of all, we should text Carl a bunch more because like this dude texted their buddy like a ton and I feel like if Carl looks at his phone.

Starting point is 00:07:06 Oh, and we only sent like one good call. I think I think this is a really good call, Tread, but I'm gonna need you to make me a deception check because otherwise Carl is gonna see through the fact that all of the messages came in at the same time. He's gonna look at the timestamps, All right. We got a stagger. Oh No, the worst not one I've ever Insane I have a plus eight to deception So we just all send them at the same time

Starting point is 00:07:40 We're just we text and we say what time we texted them. Oh no, we copy paste at each other. We shouldn't have done that. We should have made them special. I'll tell them we forgot. I'll send the same exact dude, where are you text at the same exact time? And Hungry Dave even says, just wanna make sure you know

Starting point is 00:07:58 that we've been texting you all along. Sorry guys. Wow. That's on me. I copied Baffin's text word for word. It just doesn't make sense in this context. A hungry Dave takes a picture of his watch so he knows exactly what time it is.

Starting point is 00:08:13 Like, you do that, Dave. I don't know. A panic. Your group text with Carl, it reads like guilt now. But actually, as you look at Baffin's text and you look at the locked screen on the Paddle Puppy speaking stone, this mysterious, unidentified paddle puppy,

Starting point is 00:08:31 this visual aid triggers in you each, just a very, very brief memory from that house party, the very first night in Salty Peaks, the night where the name the Bonfrairs was born. Consumption. We're trying to be very, trying to bury this memory. I don't want it. Pikes the night where the name the bonfrares was born Trying to be very it trying to bury this memory. I don't want it. I don't want it So hungry Dave your eyes gravitate towards the tallest paddle puppy because you know This is a group photo so your eyes gravitate towards the tallest paddle puppy a sea elf in a long-sleeved

Starting point is 00:09:02 Wetsuit and Camo Cargo shorts combo. And you remember seeing him at this house. Such a good look. You're ever collocking this good look, specifically while you're watching him and his friends on the beach, a jellyfish had just washed ashore. And you watched this dude go like do you dare me do you dare me dare me and then proceed to grab the jellyfish with his bare hand and go oh fuck me fuck me it was worth it though it was worth it this guy's vibe is absolutely unchained paddle puppies with bonfire behavior impossible, as you say that, your eyes find your own paddle puppy, a gangly C-elf with a full green beard,

Starting point is 00:09:51 some green chest hair peeking out of like a tastefully unzipped zipper on his wetsuit. And you specifically remember him holding a beer coosie with a frost wind pilsner in it manning the grill at this party. You remember someone was reaching for one of the shrimp skewers that he was working over the flame and he stopped at them, scolded them, told them that like the art of grilling is all about achieving the perfect char and that he would tell them when it was ready. Wow, I hate this person, but I respect them.

Starting point is 00:10:26 Tread, you spot a C-L with swoopy blue hair that parts in the middle, and it comes down just below the ear with just the perfect amount of 90s grease to it. I'm thinking like Jordan Catalano, 90s Leonardo DiCaprio, he's sitting by the bonfire, and he's got his own acoustic guitar. And you kind of eavesdrop on what this fellow musician is doing. And he's actually not doing an original song. What he's doing is a pop version of an old shanty.

Starting point is 00:10:59 It's some sailors tune about a mythical sunken city, but he's added some rhythmic palm muting. At one point, he goes acapella and just uses the side of his guitar like a bongo. And Maveris, your memory appears as a sound at first. It's the sound of a ping pong ball landing perfectly in a solo cup. Someone's sunken.

Starting point is 00:11:24 And for a moment, you're like back at this house party on the losing side of a beer pong table. You follow the trajectory of the ball to the hand that through it. And you see some short glitter polished nails that belong to a sea elf chick who is somehow inexplicably rocking a bowl cut with her elephant ears just cluttered with cartilage piercings. And in front of her, her beer pong rack is untouched. And you all remember that the paddle puppy house rule is if you make your shot, you get to go again. This girl has been playing all night and you get the impression

Starting point is 00:12:05 that she's dead sober and that's the same rack of cups that she started the night with. And yeah, that's it. That's what you guys remember. You just have these like a little visual aid triggers these little whiffs of moments back into your mind sort of retrieved from an alcoholic fog and then you're back in the airlock, shotgunning beers. This must be the cottage core IPA, but like, I feel so hungover, because I'm remembering what happened

Starting point is 00:12:34 and those guys seem like really cool. But that's wrong, right? That's gotta be the IPA. That's the weird thing about it is that I'm incorrectly remembering that they're cooler than us. We're seeing. Have we been poisoned?

Starting point is 00:12:46 Yeah, what's going on with these beers? Yeah. Well, it's not the beer. It's not the beer. Back up, dude, back up. Actually, as you mentioned, the beer, you mentioned that it's kind of like a lighter, more summary ale, right, Mac? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:12:59 You know, everyone give me a perception check. Or a nature check. Fuck me. Shout out or a nature check. Fuck me, shout out to the two crew. 15, 21 on nature for Dave. 13 perception. With the good perception, you guys notice, like even though you're under the sea, the light is dimming.

Starting point is 00:13:17 So it's likely that the, you know, the sun that warmed you at the cottage is now setting. And in fact, a hundred Day of using your nature check, you look and you see a parrotfish covering itself in a bubble of its own mucus to prevent predators from smelling it at night. It's sort of like a nighttime ritual that they do. So you can all kind of assume that like, it's getting to be nighttime.

Starting point is 00:13:40 Ah, the booger hour. That's booger hour. And actually everyone hears something for boating yet familiar. Tread stomach rumbles. Oh, shit. It's been like eight hours since that back jelly. All you need in today is back jelly. You are like dangerously close to like pounding and sidebar territory.

Starting point is 00:14:04 Yeah, guys, I'm like getting a little angry, getting peckish and peavish. Okay, all right. Well, we saw the booger fish. Should we? I don't know. Should we, should we, should we,

Starting point is 00:14:16 should we just eat the booger fish, right? We don't have to. It's right there. The booger fish is here. We don't have to act, we don't have to activate on the first idea. Let's just, okay, that one's an idea and let's think of, can I do a nature check to see if there are any other

Starting point is 00:14:30 dross fish around? Yeah, you could absolutely do a nature check. Anyone else who wants to try to find some, I'll tell you all the food that's around. Does, does my 13 perception do anything? With your 13 perception, actually, Maverick, you kind of had like a little bit of drama with the dolphins. So I'm gonna say with your 13 perception, you notice that these dolphins, like obviously they fucking ran away from you. You guys intimidated the shit out of both dolphins

Starting point is 00:14:56 and Octopi, but these dolphins are now playing with something new, but it's not another chunk of coral, it looks furry. Wait a second. Where anyone... looks like they got like a little stuffed animal or something? What is that? Ferry ball or something? What is it? Hey dolphins, knock it off. Hey fuckers. Hey fuckers. Hey fuckers. What are you doing? Hey, I've been out of the glass. You want to try to intimidate the furry object away from that. Okay. Give me an intimidate. You'll probably you can do it with advantage because they're scared of

Starting point is 00:15:30 you already. I got a one and a four so oh god. Okay. Well I got a 16 on my own. So that's a total of I got a 19. Okay. Maveras, you try like you've already have a track record of intimidating these dolphins, but when you go to say something, just like a big bubble comes out of your mouth. Fuck, it's embarrassing. Matt, you got this one. Oh, you putting on your mucus, dude?

Starting point is 00:15:56 Are you going to bed? But Mac, you, what do you do to intimidate this dolphin? Isn't just like what you say? I posture. I don't use my voice. I just bang on the glass and I point to them with two fingers and then to my eyes and then to them and then one on the hairy ball and then back to me

Starting point is 00:16:16 and then back to them and then point at the ground. Like I'm gonna put them in the ground then I shake my fist like I'm angry and then I do like a slitting'm angry and then I do like a Slipping throat motion and then I do a scatter motion with my hands and I put my hand out like I'm gonna grab the furry thing and then I pretend to pull it back to me and then I point to them again And then I point back to my eyes and then I give a Thumbs down. Yeah, dude. He spent a fucking summer at Miami camp

Starting point is 00:16:42 give a thumbs down. Yeah, dude, he spent a fucking summer at Mime Camp. Oh. I mean, the dolphin just pops this little furry thing over. It smacks against the glass and that dolphin and every single dolphin within a mile swims away. Finally, we are free of those beautiful creatures. But yeah, so this thing hits the glass and like skids down and you see that it's a rat.

Starting point is 00:17:09 A rat? Yeah, like a terrestrial rat. We're eating good tonight boys. We got rats and bugger fish. Wee. Wee. I'm the grill master, Tread. This isn't a paddle puppy party.

Starting point is 00:17:23 This is Max party. We don't have a grill down here. Max? My mouth is basically a grill. I point at Tread that I point to the booger fish that I make a motion like he's eating, that I make a motion like I'm grilling, that I make a motion to the rat,

Starting point is 00:17:38 that I make a motion to his stomach, that I make a motion to his mouth, that I rub by stomach and then- Just use your words. He doesn't even need the message can trip. Stop treating me like a goddamn dolphin, dude. Ha-ha-ha-ha. And you got, you had a really high nature role, right,

Starting point is 00:17:56 Hungry Dave? On my first one, I rolled again and I got an eight. With an eight, I'm just gonna tell you like the most obvious stuff. Okay. You do see like a little spider crab who's wielding a piece of coral with his hind legs that you could probably like battle to the death to eat his innards. You do see a clownfish currently squirting some eggs on to like a little coconut shell.

Starting point is 00:18:18 No. However, with only an egg on nature, you don't know whether they've been fertilized or not. That's okay. So no matter what, dude. Coconut eggs? That sounds great. You're all talking about how much you want to egg-stread. I want eggs with a fucking chicken, dude.

Starting point is 00:18:33 Maverick says, has Tread ever said that he specifically wants chicken eggs? That should be assumed. Can I just look and see if the tide pool like washed up a bag of chips or like an unopened twainty or something? Like, okay, actually tread as you look for sort of like a crinkly bag, right?

Starting point is 00:18:52 Like, I'm just trash. I'm looking for trash, just unopened crinkly trash. You're looking for trash that's unopened. You do see a piece of trash that's unopened next to a flower crown. Okay. I think I'm gonna go get both those things. Okay. Do we know if a guy fish dunked all over these eggs?

Starting point is 00:19:14 Or what do we? Give me an investigation. Is there a gun? A investigation, nature, survival, whatever feels right in that situation. I got a 17. A 17. These haven't been fertilized yet.

Starting point is 00:19:28 Oh, nice. I got a dirty 20. A dirty 20. Okay, so you go over, you see a luna bar. Oh my fucking god. Next to a flower groan. Oh my god. I'm so fucking grateful.

Starting point is 00:19:42 Fred, that stuff is processed, man. Fred, you're missing out on all these little Nemos. I, I swim back to my guys, and I bring the, I'm gonna bring the flower crown too to inspect it. Did you pick up the Lunabar? Oh, yes, yeah, I want them to be more. Okay, give me a deck safe. Oh no!

Starting point is 00:20:00 No! What? Is someone going fishing for me? Ha ha ha ha. That is a 17. Tread, ask your hand makes contact with this Luna bar. A massive net made of kelp appears hiding in the sand and whips into a nearby sea cave.

Starting point is 00:20:19 What the fuck? Whoa. Whoa. They tried to trap Tread. That was a Tread trap. That's a Tread trap. I've swim back as fast as I can with the Leverbar in the flower crop As you try to swim back a Murphoke emerges from this C cave. Oh shit. Oh you think you can out with my traps try out Whitting my beasts and four leather Leatherback Sea Turtles,

Starting point is 00:20:45 the size of horses charge tread. Everyone roll initials. Oh my god! All for a fucking Luna bar. Oh god, damn it. I rolled another one. That is so bad. I rolled it too.

Starting point is 00:20:59 15. I got an 11. Oh my god, I'm so hurt too. Wait, did we get a chance to take a short rest? I don't think you asked to Please booker fish and no short rest We look we look at that booker fish for at least an hour intricate Too hard at it. I still have a headache from focusing on it

Starting point is 00:21:22 It is true that every time we take a short rest, we do drink a lot of beer. So we're just going to be tired. So the Murfolk at the mouth of the cave looks at you, Tread. Looks at the three of you that are specifically in the scuba suits. And he says, I have been silent for long enough. I will get to the bottom of what you are up to under the ocean. And the four leatherback sea turtles charge to red. Oh, we're not up to anything. We just got here. Dude, we're just partying. We're just looking for our boy. We're just trying to party. You have nothing to do with the lady and the glass house.

Starting point is 00:22:05 The, the, what? No, we do not. Absolutely have nothing to do with the glass house. Carl's aunt's house is made of wood. It's made of wood. It's made of wood. I just want to eat the egg and the wood. I'm not going to get Carl's aunt.

Starting point is 00:22:17 I've never even seen a glass house. I know, this is the lady, and I know that the glass house in the ruins, whereas it's something suspicious going on. What ruins? What ruins? What was that house? We watched the Matrix all three of them Oh we did We just get drunk and watch the Matrix

Starting point is 00:22:33 And you not know the Matrix You shit What are we doing? The Matrix is good You have to watch the first one Call off your turtles, we'll watch the Matrix Okay Making come, the turtles can come.

Starting point is 00:22:45 You are being much more accommodating than I expected from this. Okay, tread, does a 15 hit you? It does. Okay, so the first two leatherback sea turtles, widely tread just, you know, matrix dodges out of the way. The next one hits you for 10 bludgeoning damage. Give me a strength saving throw. Um, can I use my cutting word reaction to try to get, okay, sweet. Let me just find, um, my song for it. I fall to my knees, I can't help but weep. Your silence stings and your words cut deep.

Starting point is 00:23:28 Okay, Tread, that was a really smart move because this guy was gonna fucking knock you prone. Okay, so that leatherback turtle fucking misses you, there's one more who's gonna try to trample you. That's another 15. That one, yeah, that hits. Okay, so this time, six bludgeoning damage and now give me a strength saving throw or be knocked prone.

Starting point is 00:23:52 14. 14 is exactly what you needed to hit, so you are not knocked prone. Yes, six damage. Six damage. So six damage, that could have been way worse, because they basically have war her stats, but with better ACs because they have shells. So he was gonna knock you prone, get an extra attack on you.

Starting point is 00:24:10 His buddy was gonna come in and get a bandage on you. I just wanna eat a luna bar. Is this your shell? Is this your shell? I hold up the shell. Of course I think he's not my shell. I do not work with those, my fuck. And that is Mavris's turn.

Starting point is 00:24:24 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Mavris is gonna swim out with his manta ray cloak. And... I cannot deny how good that looks. Dude, we don't even go here. We just want to talk, because we're you're talking about a bunch of stuff we don't understand at all.

Starting point is 00:24:45 And I just think that you should call off your turts and we should just chat, and I'm going to suggest that with suggestion. Wow! That would be a wisdom save. DC is 16. Okay. He only has a plus one to wisdom. He got a 12. Oh, yes.

Starting point is 00:25:06 He therefore fails. What is going on? Who are you? I put this app to catch the people who keep coming down, going to this glass house, and the ruins. I want to know what is going on. We do too, pretty much.

Starting point is 00:25:20 We're just looking for our buddy, Carl. You know what? That was a really good suggestion to call off my turtles. So I cause him off. He does like a cool whistle. Can you, so I can't you finish the one that hit me? Well, do you have like a little spray bottle? I'm not going to spell on me, so I will not. Maverous suggests, suggests like if he has more lunar bars

Starting point is 00:25:41 that everyone could have one. Do you have a box of Luna bars? Did you order like a big package of Luna bars? Okay, I think that some wires got crossed and you think I am a bodega? I am not. You have some explaining to do. I mean, we'll settle for Cliff bars if you got those. Why don't we just let him answer the question

Starting point is 00:26:01 if he has Luna bars? Because he said he doesn't have Luna bars. He said he wasn't a bodega. I think he I think he has them He just doesn't want to give them too hot. You know, I would be honest with you I do have one more thing from zoo walking world Is a sea of thirst is a store food in their forearms and they bring me presents. That's cute Do you have one thing you might like and you hold up a bag of sunships? Try false into his knees.

Starting point is 00:26:27 But I am going to need answers. We'll tell you whatever you want to know. It's just we know so little. We don't want sunships though, because sunships are actually aren't healthy. They say that they're made of whole grains, but they aren't. Neither is a booger fish.

Starting point is 00:26:41 Dude, I don't think that's healthy either. You ate a booger fish. We, not yet. think that's healthy either. It's a booger fish. We, not yet. We were, we were, we were, I wanna go. We were pondering what to eat. Booger fish was up there. We had an appetizer. Okay, okay, okay, come inside, come inside.

Starting point is 00:26:55 He gestures to, for you all to follow into his little C cave. You also see that when he called off his turtles, they like swam to a little corral. That's awesome. Ooh. He leads you into his little cave. It looks like he doesn't like live here long term, but he has set up a few shells with some sea sponges placed like cushions on them. There are some little things like he's got like some fish eggs pickling in a jar.

Starting point is 00:27:22 He's actually got a book from the walking world. It's called uh, Ulfgar goes punch. Classic. He kind of like reclines in a thin long sea sponge shaped like a chase lounge. He pulls out a lighter that he's able to light in the water somehow. The like the fire is unaffected. Can't play with that. You can play with it when I'm done with it. Okay, he's like, he knows a bunch of like zippo tricks. It's super chill. like the fire is unaffected. Can I play with that? You can play with it when I'm done with it. Okay, he knows a bunch of like Zippo tricks, it's super chill.

Starting point is 00:27:49 He takes out a long skinny conch shell with some seagrass in it, lights it, and then he chucks you the lighter. Sick, would you win those? Can I get a drag of that? Like, what do you do? You absolutely can, yeah. We will pass it around.

Starting point is 00:28:04 Everybody hit and pass. It will pass it around. We'll pass it around. Everybody hit and pass. It's your turn though. Okay. So, we have the shell that says that we're an elite team and that's, oh. Yeah, can I see this? This shell is that you are ducking. Mac, Mac hands up the shell.

Starting point is 00:28:24 I think he reads it over. He looks at you and that's to be crude, but this is you. Yeah, and it's written down, so it's true. Yeah, so it's written on a shell. I show in my tattoo that says bonfire. Okay. I guess I've seen everything. Yeah, we're not, we're not actually, you know,

Starting point is 00:28:44 trying to do some big mission. We just, our boy went missing. And there's a weird text on his speaking stone. Somebody cast a spell that drew him into the ocean and also drew another sea elf into the ocean and a batch of rep party was involved. And that's where we got these scuba suits. Yeah, and then these like dolphins started stepping

Starting point is 00:29:09 into us and octopus was freaking out of us. Hey dolphins are very kind, very good animal. You know, a great deal. You know, a great deal. A great deal. A great deal. A great deal. A great deal.

Starting point is 00:29:19 A great deal. A great deal. A great deal. A great deal. A great deal. A great deal. A great deal. A great deal. A great deal. A great deal. Yeah, they do they do have sex for fun, but so do people and people can be rude, so That's actually a really good point. Do you be clear? They got part of it right that thing got part of it right? We are elite Yeah, we're just going that out there fully. Do we forget the rat? Yeah, do you know about the rat?

Starting point is 00:29:39 When you reference rat that seems familiar to him. I found in us our rat Disgusting. Did you look closely at Zerati? It's not in normal rat. I was afraid to go near it because my friends were gonna make me eat it, I think, so I didn't inspect it closely. We ate, we ate jellyfish.

Starting point is 00:29:56 He does take pity on you, and he pulls out the sun chips that he has. He gives you the sun. I cracked the sun chips that he has. He gives you the sun. I crack the sun chips. And I have to have some. It's so soggy. He also has like, he's like, I can, you know, we've had some plankton,

Starting point is 00:30:14 we do some cuttlefish sashimi. I could do. We're kind of close with cuttlefish. If we could eat like a dolphin or something, so that we don't have a relationship with him. Have a relationship with. I have a son shit. I kind of had a lot of plankton earlier

Starting point is 00:30:27 when I was swimming with the man. I was just full of plankton. We prefer a booger fish or a dolphin. If you can help my friend eat a booger fish, that would really, I want to see what happens. It would be disgusting. I mean, that's your opinion. Yeah, we can't, I'll be the one to judge.

Starting point is 00:30:42 Cattlefish hooked us up. So he takes a booger fish, clearly disgusted by it. He carefully slices through the booger layer. Herve me along the fuc my sun chips as the only thing I eat in since breakfast. Deep bones and and skins this fish does like proper sashimi preparation. Try to you seeing this is so preparation. Oh, wow. Oh, wow.

Starting point is 00:31:05 Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow.

Starting point is 00:31:13 Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow.

Starting point is 00:31:21 Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Whoa, dude. I, I'm so sorry. I am misunderstood. And then what you are saying, did you just threaten my turtles? No, I didn't.

Starting point is 00:31:31 No, I, I threatened to prep us a meal. I can be the, that's the worst thing. So walk a world joke. It's a joke for top-siders. Give me a, give me a persuasion check. This man is a turtle, a sea turtle shepherd, and you just offered to kill his turtles. I got that 12th.

Starting point is 00:31:54 Mac, what are you doing? Okay, he slaps you upside the head. He just slaps you upside the head for 4th amage. Look, Owl, okay. I'm sorry. Let's just wrap my friend's date was joking. Maverick says the sense of humor and Max kind of like the beer guy.

Starting point is 00:32:11 So it's like funny guy, beer guy, Frisbee guy. What kind of guy am I? Music guy. Okay. Yeah, all right, that checks out. And your turtle guy, you know, everyone's a guy. Yeah. Do Zee's labels make you feel more comfortable with yourself?

Starting point is 00:32:26 Yeah, it's fun. You don't have to venture outside of that label. You just like live inside your little shell, like a turtle does. Oh, interesting. I appreciate it. Can you see something to cling to in the storm, you know? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:32:38 Can I write that down? Of course. So really sorry for threatening to grill your turtles, but I think we might have the same enemy because if there's weird stuff going on down here that you have a problem with, there's weird stuff going on down here that we have a problem with too. I cannot speak to people going missing or this sort of stuff you're talking about. I can tell you what he's going on down here, which is that there are ruins. If you look at Beyoncé kelp forest, he gestures and you see this super tall forest of kelp

Starting point is 00:33:22 that's so dense, you only see a little bit of light dabbling through it. Beyond the kelp forest there is ruins and Zaledi she is doing something there and I you know there is a small group of Murfuck who are aiding her in this but you know Murfuck just mostly left this area. Is this lady a Murfuck where she... Oh she's from the walking world. Oh okay. She used to live on the island. She was very nice but then she came down here and I don't know that he is my place to say but she is changed.

Starting point is 00:34:08 Is she in her health? Ding. She is one of them snooty elves. Okay. All right, it's presumptuous but I give her your coming from. What's that? No, I'll be good. Yeah, you're right.

Starting point is 00:34:20 You know, I honestly do have some sort of, I kind of don't like walking world people too much. What's not to like, I gestured to all of us. I'm playing with the ladder, just like, all those catching stuff on fire. Oh, it's my elbow. Just salvaging. Sorry. Sorry, looking at dolphins and turtles. Can I look at the rat?

Starting point is 00:34:42 Oh yeah, can we get the rat? Yeah, give me an ambassador. Whoa, Tread, you hungry? No, dude, I had a bunch of sun chips and loon aboard. Do you want me to make you a rat burger? Mac, as you say that, TIG, he gestures to Mabras and asks to get the lighter back. Right now? Just for a moment.

Starting point is 00:35:03 Okay, yeah, sure. It takes this lighter, which is actually a lighter of the deep. It basically makes a flame that won't be extinguished by water. And he lights a bonfire, so you could grill if you wanted to. Whoa. And then he tosses it back to you. It floats back to you, Mattress. Dave sticks his hand right in the fire.

Starting point is 00:35:24 Oh, wow, it's hot, that's incredible. I bring the wrap back. It's not to grill, it's just to inspect. And I got a 19. With a 19, this rat is not a species that you've ever seen before. It's an aberration of a species that you've seen before. And maybe the memory of some textbook

Starting point is 00:35:48 or you know, book of animals or something that you saw one time comes to you, it's called a doppelrat. Okay guys, this is some like really gnarly like ghost demon rat we're not eating it. That sounds like an artisanal burger waiting to happen.

Starting point is 00:36:06 I'm gonna try to grab the rat from the tray. You think it's a spicy rat? Okay, go for it. I'm gonna grab a lot of it. I'm gonna try to not, I'm gonna not click over the rat. I'm gonna try to wrestle. Let go of the rat, dude. I got on athletics, a 14.

Starting point is 00:36:22 That'll take the rat from me. I gotta go. No, it's the rat alive. You boxed my sugar. The rat is dead, the rat is dead. It was like a dead rat that the dolphins were playing with. You know, with their sick dolphin smiles, while they just fucking play with the dead animal.

Starting point is 00:36:36 Those creeps. These dolphins are sick. Go ahead, grill it up. Sweet. Well, first, can I do a medicine check on it? Absolutely. Let me look at this tread. Yeah, you're fucking kind of 25. 25. This is diseased. If you eat this you will you will have a chance of contracting a disease. Okay, every once in a while tread is right. Okay

Starting point is 00:37:00 The burger was fine and I'm glad we ate it. So let's not take this as a full victory. This is one victory, one battle victory in Tread's war against food. I give Mac half of the Luna bar, just in case you want it later. Hey, I don't want a Luna bar, dude. Can I have it? Can I have the other half of the Luna bar?

Starting point is 00:37:20 I'm full of booger sushi. Tread can I sidebar with you? With me? Yeah. Okay, yeah, did Did I fucking do something? What's up? No, I just... I've just thought I should be honest with you for a second. I get... I step away from everybody else. Booker Fishy's grosses hell, but I just couldn't let people see me as a guy when he wouldn't rise to that challenge, and I thought was gross and I hated eating it. And thanks for the half of the Luna bar, I appreciate it. I hate it.

Starting point is 00:37:51 I have like three more soggy ass sunships if you want those too. Yeah, it must be horrible to eat sunships underwater, but I'll give it a shot. They are instantly so fucking soaked with ocean water. Emily, how many massive swordfish are just swimming around outside? We can easily grab. Um, give me a look, give me a look. At the 17. At the 17.

Starting point is 00:38:12 You don't see a swordfish, but you do see a baby sperm whale with little sucker fish on it. Oh no, I want to kill a whale. I'm going to get those sucker fish off. Let's get those suckers off and eat the suckers. Yellow suck the suckers. Yeah, let's suck the suckers. Yeah, aren't you guys full? How could you name this little baby sperm whale

Starting point is 00:38:32 dives down to go to its sperm whale mommy? You scrape a couple remora sucker fish off of it and you can bring them in and grill them up. Swimmy's you little friend. Yeah, actually the baby's burn well swims just to touch faster, having been relieved of this burden. Wow, let's go make boneless sucker wings out of these. All right, yeah, hey, Tiki, you got anything to bread these bad boys with?

Starting point is 00:39:01 Let me see. Okay, the only thing I have left is I have a screaming oysters. Excuse me. Yeah, absolutely. I would like to try everything that you have. I'll definitely try it. He takes out a little kebab skewer. He makes some grilled sucker fish.

Starting point is 00:39:20 He takes out a little screaming oyster. He shocks it for you. He gives it to you. As they're quads right now, but they don't actually feel pains, there's no central nervous system, but they do scream when you eat them. Also they scream like for fun.

Starting point is 00:39:33 Hmm, I don't know, maybe it's just gas being released. I hear that, I pop a bunch. Great, scream down into your belly. Perfect. You can hear them in inside them. So we have to get to these ruins, Scream down into your belly. Perfect. You can hear him in its item. So we have to get to these ruins because we have to find this bad lady

Starting point is 00:39:51 because we think she probably took our boy. You think that's your friend has been taken to the glass house. Yeah, the glass house. What's going on with this glass house? It takes a minute and he's like, okay, so you know, there is this great ruin of a city. It is not a more folk civilization. No offense, we do not, we are more nomadic, solitary, we do not set up, you know, you pristic centers centers of civilization like you walking world fuck but it is an old ancient long long ago C.L.F civilization it fell long long ago but you know ruins tend to be very magical places they have the power of the people who lived there, the power of

Starting point is 00:40:47 whatever destroyed it. That is why they are popular places to conduct magic. This, because of its remote location, it is probably one of the largest ruins that has not already been used by some spellcaster. So I imagine she is there doing some sort of spellcasting. Okay, so just like one more question. Hmm. If I accidentally throw for his being the glass house and like destroy the glass house, how much trouble am I gonna be in?

Starting point is 00:41:23 Cause that's like just probably going to happen. So I'm just bracing for it in advance. Absolutely. So the thing is, you know, any glass down here, it has to be able to withstand the massive water pressure. So it is not glass. It is glass steel. And therefore it is actually quite strong.

Starting point is 00:41:40 So it will probably dink off in a stupid way. That's bonfire behavior. Okay. So is the kelp forest safe? It's a kelp forest. It's like any other forest in that there are dangers and there are refugees. So I personally do not journey there

Starting point is 00:42:05 without one of my lesser-backsy turtles. So I personally do not journey there without one of my lesser-backsy turtles because it is difficult to navigate. Oh my God, there's four turtles. Can we just pretend that Mac never offers to me with them? And I'm realizing now that turtles aren't part of your cuisine. I'm realizing now that turtles aren't part of your cuisine. They are friends.

Starting point is 00:42:31 Indeed. Yeah. And by the way, he had like 80 screaming oysters. I listened to all of them. He's not hungry. He's not going to eat a turtle today. Are you asking to borrow my turtles? I will make sure that they are well fed. We would love to make sure that the turtles are safe

Starting point is 00:42:46 and use them to guide us through the cup forest. And we could, you know, we could owe you one, trying to think of what kind of deal makes sense. Maybe the turtles in the lighter, maybe we throw that in there too. Okay, you are trying to think of what you can throw in there to get the lighter as well, okay. I'll give you Carl's phone. We have another phone.

Starting point is 00:43:12 Oh, sorry, this other phone, this other phone. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, yeah, this is great. I'm awesome at the gel breaking, speaking stunts. He takes it and he gives you the lighter. Curious. Sick. Awesome. That's perfect, because I don't want the paddle puppies to die, but I'm definitely down to sell their stuff.

Starting point is 00:43:31 Like they can get in here. Yeah, what's the work? Like this probably back up. And in fact, I can be lost for just a little longer. That would be fine. We don't want them to die, but I think it's to be lost for a longer day. If he was captured an hour longer than Carl,

Starting point is 00:43:43 that would actually make me happy. Getting rid of that phone also helps unincriminate us in a certain way. Yeah. He could look bad if we had it. You're real quick, he goes through, he deletes all these photos. You actually see some selfies of the girl

Starting point is 00:44:01 with a really flattering mushroom cut, and then he deletes it all, wipes the phone. Oh. And they're saying, I will download Final Fantasy 8. Why does everyone love that game? Just once you master the junction system, like it really opens up. Shut the fuck up, Dave.

Starting point is 00:44:19 I put a sucker on, Matt. Can we crash here? I think that he does like look at you and he's trying to suss you out. He feels as though you guys are trustworthy. So I think he offers, you know, the comfort of his various sea sponges and shells if you want to stay the night.

Starting point is 00:44:41 That'd be awesome. Thank you. Is this a shoes off householder or what? Absolutely I have fins so the concept of shoes is far end. Okay so by default shoes off got you. What time is it right now because like how much I was just like if we could be able to party because ferd. She asked a little while. You see he looks up into the surface of the water, cones in his eyes, sort of like shift around. It is a, it's a clock.

Starting point is 00:45:10 It be kinds of weird to go to bed right now. Yeah, totally weird. Yeah, actually we just have a little bit of time, right? If you have more of that sea grass. He takes out these like cool sea grapes that have liquid inside of them. That's like an alcohol, so you just pop it into your mouth and crunch it and it's like a shot Absolutely I'm here for this big-take energy. He looks at tread at your guitar and he says does she sing?

Starting point is 00:45:40 Oh baby she sings mostly palm-yeted Riffs but but yeah. Great, what would you guys like to do as you party? I would like to relate the plot of all three Matrix movies to TIG, via interpretive dance and song. TIG is wrapped, particularly with the first one. The first interpretive dance you do, he feels like this is absolutely novel, he feels like, wow, there's some weird stuff going on that like people should talk about more

Starting point is 00:46:07 and yet everyone focuses on the action. And then the next two, he loses a little bit of interest. Let's do y'all. We got a little tired part way through the dance. Oh, what about the recipe? What do you want to do? I guess Mac will, once he's a little buzzed, go out and try to bond with the turtles. That's really cute. Give me some kind of performance, persuasion. Sweet, I'll use my channel divinity

Starting point is 00:46:34 to do my blessed brew that gives me advantage on charisma checks. Whoa! Getting drunk and try to pet a horse. Yeah, getting drunk just a super meat eater going over and just being like, well, you're not a burger. Are you a little turtle? You're not a burger? 18 animal handling. Okay, Max, you're buzzed approaching a wild beast. And you assume the exact appropriate stance to not seem threatening. And this little turtle, his little wrinkly old man head, nozzles into your hand.

Starting point is 00:47:12 Oh my god, Mac Mac weeps. And this one in particular has really taken to you. Mac is forever changed. Oh, anyone have anything else they want to do? that really taken to you. Mac is forever changed. Oh. Anyone have anything else they want to do? The only thing I want to do is play some music with the screaming oyster. Amazing.

Starting point is 00:47:34 How do you go about doing that? Do you want someone else eating the oyster or do you want to eat the oyster while you're playing? I don't even want to eat it. I just want to use it as a distortion pedal. I'm like a toddler. Ah! So I'm just sort of opening it and chatting with my foot. Oh, I'm playing. Tread, I know you knew Scremo. I think Matt versus gonna

Starting point is 00:47:53 Matt versus gonna try to like play his own version of Flip Cup remembering like what happened to see if you can like practice like with those little grapes or whatever. Give me an athletics check or a performance check. 17. 17? Mavericks, do you know how proficiency in drinking games? Oh, you're so cute. Shit, I'm killing it.

Starting point is 00:48:19 It's crazy to practice a drinking game, but I'm doing awesome now. Oh, you're so good at flip-grape. Before I go to sleep, I want to remember to, can I roll to remember to get Mack to come inside? I got a four. A four? Okay, so Mack falls asleep on the turtle and Tig wakes up and sees this and thinks that something lute is going on and storms out.

Starting point is 00:48:44 What are you doing with my turtle? What? I was sleeping? Get off, get off. I'm bonding. What do you think I'm doing? What do you think I'm doing? I'm spending some nights at Tertel Pads. I'm hanging out with my turrets.

Starting point is 00:48:59 Do that. What? I'm pervert. What? If someone was like excited because I had to do horse and hung out with their horse all night, you would think they were having sex with it? That's where your mind goes. I'm ready out with the turtle.

Starting point is 00:49:13 Kimack rolled a CV's erect. Oh, no. I refuse. Great, and it's the next morning. Well, I emerged from my book or wrap that I made in the night. Oh, you made a booger sleeping bag. Yeah. Oh.

Starting point is 00:49:30 Okay, this is very disturbing to take. So you essentially bloom like a caterpillar out of its chrysalis. Yeah, and I do think it probably had some restorative properties for my skin and my scales. I feel like I'm looking fresh. It's like alloy, Jason. It's like alloyation. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:49:46 All of your blisters from sunburns look like they're healing. Oh, I feel great. I think I mentioned to Mack, like, hey, do you want to grab some of these grapes for, you know, like, I don't know, is that could they be for some kind of brew? Yeah. Yeah, you, those are everywhere.

Starting point is 00:50:02 Is there like olive or z grief? So yeah, take it easy. You're everywhere? you know mine if we we just kind of load up We're gonna be drunk. Hey, yeah, you can you can love that pretty much the whole time we're down here He actually produces he produces like a like a whale bladder that looks like a little to go back Well, all right, I might take what it is right now because I'm like kind of you need this A little bit just to like just the hair of the dog keep the'm hurting a little bit, just to like, just the hair of the dog, keep the buzz going a little bit. Do you want me to cookie the whale bladder, Fred?

Starting point is 00:50:31 Do not cook it back. Ha ha ha ha. This is absolutely some most ridiculous thing anyone has said. Tig, I'm, we gotta let him do it. We gotta bury the hatchet. I'll eat the bag. Hahaha.

Starting point is 00:50:46 Hahaha. Hahaha. Take backs away, not understanding the delicate ecosystem that is a group of boys. I make breakfast not shows with the will, will bladder is not show. How the what? Well, well bladder is not what Couple of crumbs of sun chips in there That's a ratio of pieces way off tread is like so hung over You drank so much last night if you are hung over

Starting point is 00:51:23 You could try these he hands you a little potion that's supposed to be um Like a an excretion from some sort of shark because they're renowned for their powerful immune systems. It's kind of just like Advil though. That's cool. Tread looks between that and the grilled bag, and I'll chill it. You're gonna get some of that egg McStuffin? After that sidebar, Tread looks deeply into Maverick's eyes.

Starting point is 00:51:46 I put my little matrix shades down. So you're like, oh, Mac, you've opened my palette to new dimensions. Thank you so much. You're welcome. Okay, well, now that we've got a good morning buzz on, why don't we hop on those turtles and get on into that kelp forest.

Starting point is 00:52:05 Which was when you fucked. I didn't fuck a turtle, Goddamn. There is one turtle that we were around Mac. We bonded. Oh, that's what we're calling it. Did you do my turtle? I didn't do anything to your turtle. But did something to your turtle and wouldn't be happy with me.

Starting point is 00:52:24 He doesn't usually follow like that. All right, so just hear me out. What if we start calling Mac pervertal? Is that too much? Is that wild? My turtle barely looks at me. That's normal. That's good.

Starting point is 00:52:37 That's true. The other three of you. So Mac has this turtle that he had a completely non-sexual like. It's amazing that we have to qualify it. this turtle that he had a completely non-sexual like. Amazing that we have to qualify it. Fourth qualifying. Beautiful, drunken bonding experience with who has chosen him.

Starting point is 00:53:02 But the other three of you, you know, I'm assuming you want to take a turtle. Yeah, I guess, oh, Mavis probably doesn't need a turtle. Does it? Okay. So that's it. Yeah, we guess, oh, Maveris probably doesn't need a turtle, does he? Okay, so that's it. Yeah, we can talk about the mechanics of this. These turtles actually go the same speed as Maveris. So you could potentially not take a turtle. However, the benefit of having a turtle is, you have a creature there to be doing the dash action

Starting point is 00:53:19 and your actions are free. Totally taking a turtle. I'm putting my jacket on the turtle. Yeah. If you take your jacket off, you will be in the sun. You're gonna drown, dude. You taking a turtle. I'm putting my jacket on the turtle. If you take your jacket off, you will be in a round. You're gonna drown. Oh right, never mind. Let's see what it looks like. Hold my breath. You're real fast. Just kidding. Just kidding. I'll put saltwater and steam it. He's dark. He's the funny guy. The pressure collapse dude. Oh dude, you're bleeding. What's your blood here? What's your blood here? What's your blood here?

Starting point is 00:53:45 What's your blood here? You're fucking soup back on. I don't know what's going to die. And Tigg gestures to this tall towering kelp forest. And he says, it is just through there. If you with the tartals, they will lead so way. All right. Thank you, Tigg, for your hospitality.

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Starting point is 00:55:38 Uh, cool. Anything that you want to do before you set out into the cult forest. Um, yeah, I want to, uh, pat Maveris on the back and say, dang, next looking bigger, man. From one night? Yeah, I do have like a layer of kelp on my neck that I minor in relation to making it much bigger. I don't know what you're doing, but I really think it's helping.

Starting point is 00:56:01 Sorry that I said your neck looks small, but like you're obviously working on it and like your whole like dealt situation, your back, it's great. Looks great. I think this is an unselfish sidebar and Mavers is now going to get a plus one to his next role. Wow. Like you see little tears come down through the matrix sunglasses. Who has matrix sunglasses? In the water, in the water, you're able to see just a fluid of a slightly different consistency come out, the little tears.

Starting point is 00:56:32 You got booger fish, boogers on your face, maveris. Yeah, that's what it is. I just fire bolted. It's up like your eyes, dude. Weird. Oh, weird. That's not weird. It truly bizarre.

Starting point is 00:56:46 Crazy. Get on a turtle and yeah. Yeah, they have like cute little saddles and everything. Cool. So you guys approached this kelp forest. It's hundreds of feet high. There's just towering vines of kelp making this dark green shadow with little patches of pale blue water coming through But it's very very dense and thick

Starting point is 00:57:13 So here's how this is going to work this kelp forest. It's not difficult to rain. It won't slow you down The thing that's gonna be difficult is staying together. It's almost like a corn maze It's it's difficult is staying together. It's almost like a corn maze. It's difficult to navigate without losing each other. So I'm going to have you guys give me survival checks. And if you're on a turtle, you can add your proficiency to stay together. Each turn, you'll have an encounter check.

Starting point is 00:57:41 If you're all together, it'll just be one encounter check. However, anyone who's separated from the group will have to have their own encounter check. So the kelp forest is about 450 feet between the, like, where you're entering and the other side with the ruin. So you're trying to get there, your sea turtles go 60 feet, they can take a dash action for you and go 120 feet. So it's like four rounds if nothing goes wrong? If nothing goes wrong, it's four rounds. Sweet. So the very first thing is a survival check from everyone to stick together.

Starting point is 00:58:20 OK, everybody follow my voice as we go in, Mac just disappears into the green. Not 20 on my survival check. 12 for me. I got 15. 21. Okay, you all stick together. Now, you're first encounter check. Someone just rolled me a D20. There's 20 different fucking potential encounters. And I'm gonna tell you, this is a fucking forest. It's a place of trickery and treachery and treats. So you don't know, it could be good, it could be bad. Maybe we'll encounter it.

Starting point is 00:58:55 We could get a treat. We could get a treat. All roll on maternal ranger. Eight. Okay, so you guys enter this clearing and having rolled in eight, so you guys enter this clearing and having a rolled in eight, what you see is a weird glowing sea slug with ropey, bright orange tentacles,

Starting point is 00:59:12 oozes towards you. Tread, we found breakfast. No, we didn't. Everyone roll initiative asked this little weird glowing sea slug who's a little bit thrumming with some sort of arcane energy. You don't know if it comes from him or if he stole it from someone else tries to swipe Mac with a little ropey tentacle. Yeah, what the fuck? Hey, what the fuck? Yeah, this little this little sledge thing wants to go. Okay, all right

Starting point is 00:59:41 So yeah, Mac does a 13 hit you 13 does not hit me Okay, you you whips with his little ropey tentacle and everyone is in the team. You were lucky you missed. The fuck was that dude? All right, that's a nine. That's a 21 for Dave. I also got a nine.

Starting point is 00:59:56 I'm 30, 20 for Mavericks. Nine. Nine, nine, nine, nine, nine. Nine, nine, nine, nine. Mack does have, he has a shell on his head that looks like a cowboy hat. That's a crazy shell. Got that. 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 of Mac and say it's not worth it dude it's not worth it hold me back dude hold me back I'm gonna eat this little this little booger rope. I spend my turn holding Mac back and please

Starting point is 01:00:31 What please dash please dash I push day that is absolutely an option you guys can just fucking run away from I'm going to hold Mac back and can we say that I am holding a reaction to attack you can hold your action to attack. What are you waiting for? For it to attack, Mack. Okay. Cool. Next up is Maveris. Okay.

Starting point is 01:00:52 Dude, so let's get the fuck out of here. He's not working. He's not working. He's not fucking working. He's not working. He's not working, dude. Dude, you're lucky, dude. You're so lucky.

Starting point is 01:01:02 Come on, focus, let's roll out. Yeah, get the little booger roots away from me His turn is actually next so Mavis you can piece, but he's gonna got to do two attacks. He's gonna go after a hungry Dave this time 19 to hit does that 19 hit? 19 does it he does 13 damage to you, okay? 19 does it he does 13 damage to you okay Technically he has another attack so I think that I'll have him use it and then you can take your attack okay

Starting point is 01:01:35 That's also gonna hit Another 15 damage with another rope you can't it's not worth it. It's not worth it dang that I was not nothing. I will attack. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm going to attack, but as I'm attacking, I'm like, I'm slinging a disc with one hand and I'm slapping the turtle with the other being like, come on, let's go, let's go, let's go. So I get attacked from range. Does a 15 hit? That it does. All right. 15 hit. That it does. All right.

Starting point is 01:02:04 Oh, one. That is just going to be six damage on the first attack. Just like one more. Just a super limp throw of a Frisbee just going into the soggy monster. Frisbee, like the Frisbee goes vertical and hits the C slug just on the side. It does that wobble that Frisbee's do.

Starting point is 01:02:25 Oh dude, he dinked it. He didn't throw it good. I didn't dink it. You didn't throw it right. You're razzled man. And then a 22. 22 does hit, yeah. And then 11 more damage.

Starting point is 01:02:37 OK. I definitely overcompensate on this throw and like really rear back. It flexes every muscle then launch a disc. Steve, you're're gonna tear something more where that came from. And then tread. It's your turn.

Starting point is 01:02:51 Um, okay. Um, fucking piecing. It's like actually not worth it. Because this guy had a turn, he does have a reaction, so he is going to get a opportunity attack on you. He can fucking try. There's a 14 hit. A 14 does hit but I'm gonna use my cutting words. Nice. I have a new song. This epic retort will make you cry. I know you are, but what am I? Oh, fuck you get a retort on a retort.

Starting point is 01:03:28 Incredible. A retort for the turn. A retort for the turn. You're like salt on a slug. It just like sizzles from them. And how much are you, how much less are you, I mean, is your AC 14? Yeah, it is 14, so it's amazing.

Starting point is 01:03:41 Okay, so he's gonna miss no matter what you roll. Okay, great. Incredible. Mack, it's your turn. no matter what you roll. Okay, great. Incredible. Mack, it's your turn. Sweet. You no longer has an opportunity attack. I'm gonna hit the boys with a bless. Keep that.

Starting point is 01:03:51 Oh, it's a fun question. I shouldn't use my reaction. He has a counter spell reaction. That he couldn't use on you. But I fucking used it to take a turn. Sorry, you're lucky you're not our breakfast. Cause we love the weird boogers under the sea. And then I point to the booger monster

Starting point is 01:04:07 and then I point to my mouth and then I point down, going down my throat and then I point to my stomach and then I point to my ass and then I do charades like there's a toilet and then I do charades like me sitting on the toilet and then I do me flushing the toilet and then I do trickling down to the ocean

Starting point is 01:04:24 and then I point to him and I give him the finger and then I take off on my the toilet, and then I do trickling down to the ocean, and then I point to him, and I give him the finger, and then I take off at my turtle. Did you get that? You've pointed in so many directions that his little slug eyes have twisted around each other. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Okay, great, so you are all gone. You retreat, hungry Dave got a little fucked up by this creep, but- We could have taken him. The rest of you, fucking came out. God, I wish I could have counter spelled your breath.

Starting point is 01:04:51 Ha! Oh, man. Give me another survival check. Remember the D4? We do four. Yeah, nice. 22. 23.

Starting point is 01:05:01 I only got a nine. Total with blasts. Oh, even with with I rolled a one I mean, and I wanted kind of an auto fail especially in a situation like this Get separated from the boys. Okay, let's do a quick roll call with the boys and the kelp. Let's do a kelp roll call Mac present Dave got a 17 so I think I'm present. Yeah, you are. Maverick's present is Carl here?

Starting point is 01:05:29 Or is he okay? Who are we talking about? This is a tre- A tre- Tre- Tre- Tre- Tre-

Starting point is 01:05:37 Tre- Tre- Tre- Let's resolve you three first. Give me an encounter check to see what Maveras, Mac, and Hungry Day of experience. Okay. So one through 20, right?

Starting point is 01:05:51 And is one bad? Oh no, you got one. Hmm. You got a one? Can I roll it, bless? No. No, you can't. Okay.

Starting point is 01:06:01 That was. You're writing on this turtle you've taken the lead. The turtles flipper lands on a large glyph. Drawing in the ocean floor but seemingly unaffected by the movement of the water, which seems to erase everything else. The three of you give me a constitution save for your sea turtles as well. Oh no! Your sea turtles have warhorse stats so you can pull up those to know. I just rolled a nat one. Oh!

Starting point is 01:06:32 Mack drops to one hit point. Oh my god! I got a 19. Maverus, you're fine. My turtle got a 10. Both Mack and his turtle dropped to one hit point. Good god. My turtle got a three and I got on 11 or wait no a 13 Okay, I'm good. Have you just fucking made it? But your turtle drops to one hip point?

Starting point is 01:06:58 My turtle got a four Three of your turtles have dropped. Our turtles are sick. And Mack dropped one. I'm so sick. Wait, you're barfing one sick. Give him that carrot. I went the wrong fucking way. I'll let you all take an action right now.

Starting point is 01:07:16 That was your encounter. You're not going to go into initiative, but if you want to take an action, you have an action because your turtles are dashing. I would love to do an action. Oh my god, I'm so hurt. you have an action because your turtles are dashing. I would love to do an action. Oh my God, I'm so hurt. Okay, I'm going to, first things first, use my amulet of the drunkard as an action

Starting point is 01:07:36 to drink a beer and to get some health back. I will calculate the health in a second. And then as a bonus action, I'm gonna do a mass healing word and hit me in the turtles. You're very good. Has anybody else taken any damage? I got fucked up by that slow.

Starting point is 01:07:53 I'm gonna stay past. Sweet, because I can do up to six. So, oh great, so I will hit whoever I can. It's probably good that, that tried got lost. Yeah. Sweet, I rolled the four on the D-Four. What do you say?

Starting point is 01:08:06 So that is eight to all the turtles. Okay, so now all the turtles have nine hit points. Mavericks is like, Carl, I bet, I bet Trent's just hanging out with Carl now. I bet they're fine. I love your optimism, Mavericks, but we really got to find him. If you just lose enough people, they'll all be hanging out together eventually.

Starting point is 01:08:29 Maveris, sort of, hungry Dave, do you have anything that you want to do with an action? You have one action because you're turtle is dashing for you. Cool, I will go ahead and do a second wind as a bonus action. And as my action, can I maybe just try and do a like sense about an insight, perhaps, about where Tread went? Yeah, go for it. I think it would be, yeah, you

Starting point is 01:08:54 can do that. Okay. Oh, yeah, I guess I'll use my action to see if I can see where Tread is or that's just the 13. 13 isn't going to do it. In the future, if you roll well, you can use your turn to move laterally to rejoin each other. Okay. Alright, cool. So you basically wouldn't be able to move forward. I look around for a tread and I'm like, yep, guess he's with coral. We should keep moving.

Starting point is 01:09:18 Ravish was right. Only got a nine. Tread. Guys. Roll me a D20 to find out what you. Tread. Guys. Oh. Oh. Oh. Roll me a D20 to find out what you... Tread, this is actually pretty poetic because you just discovered the power of sing-along. You're really thriving off of camaraderie and friendship.

Starting point is 01:09:38 And suddenly, here you are in this forest and it's your worst fucking nightmare. You're all by yourself again. You have to have a turtle. All right, we're still a duet. We're still a duet actually. That's a nine, nine. Okay, dread you and your turtle come to a clearing that the kelp parts to reveal a single flower,

Starting point is 01:10:02 a small rose with black silky petals and long thorns. Give me a wisdom saving throw. Okay. 12. Unfortunately, you fail. You take 2d6 psychic damage. Oh! Oh, I have to roll that there. From seeing a rose. It's too beautiful. It's too beautiful.

Starting point is 01:10:28 Okay, I roll two twos, but Tread specifically, you're, this is actually so poetic because you are bombarded by visions of your greatest fears and anxieties. What are Tread's greatest fears and anxieties, do you think? Oh, god damn it. It's... Being an outcast. Do you think oh god damn it it's Being an outcast You feel I honestly like you were kind of already there this flower Blod out brought out what was going on you only take two psychic damage because there were two ones

Starting point is 01:11:00 But you do have to make a melee attack against your turtle. Oh No But you do have to make a melee attack against your turtle. Oh No So fucked up with my sword Use the back of it, please the turtle gonna understand oh Man, can I cutting worth myself? I'll let you you have an use the reaction. Well, let's see what I roll first Actually that might not hit Hmm a 12. The 12 does not hit

Starting point is 01:11:32 So you know what because you miss the turtle just thinks you're doing a giddy up So you go 120 feet forward It takes its dash action. Everyone give me a survival check. Tread, the three of you are trying not to get separated. Tread, you're trying to roll well to meet back up with your friends. Oh yeah, baby. 21. There it is.

Starting point is 01:11:56 19. I also got a 21. 13. 13? Oh. Okay. Hungry day is separated from the group, but Tread for joins. Oh, Tread! Guys, this way we gotta go towards Tread.

Starting point is 01:12:11 Matt goes to the top. We found him. Into the kelp towards Tread. Whoa, we're all together again. This looks perfect for Tread. Wow, we did it. All of us are together. Let's do another roll call, Mac present.

Starting point is 01:12:24 Maveris present. Tread present. Oh yeah. I'm gonna catch this fish for Tread and I'm gonna cook it up and he's gonna eat it and he's gonna be not, he's gonna be totally full. Oh, it's gonna be so good, guys. Dave. Guys, Dave.

Starting point is 01:12:39 Dave. Dave? Dave. Are you absent? Dave. Tread. Tread. Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, I'm your lady. Mac and Maveris, give me an encounter check.

Starting point is 01:12:51 All right, I don't want to roll it this time. I rolled a 14. OK, as you guys meet up, this joyous reunion, you hear the rattling of bones as a pile of shark jaws animates and stands up to form a figure facing you. Roll initiative as it tries to call you with one of its jaws. Oh, so when I thought of my greatest fear and it was just being outcast, I just wasn't creative enough to have thought of this thing. Six, nine.

Starting point is 01:13:18 I got a 10. He's getting annoying. No, I'm not. Okay, the shark jaw also got a 10, but I'll let you go first, Matt, Russ. Look, I will just scorching ray this dude. I don't know what else to do. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:13:35 Oh, a nat 20 on the first one, but does it do? Yeah, it does. Oh, cool. Oh, it's still cool. Stamage. 21. Are the scorching rays coming out of your lighter? Oh, I want to just use the, damage. 21. Are the scorching rays coming out of your lighter? Oh, I wanna just use, yeah.

Starting point is 01:13:48 I'll put my hand behind the lighter. And then I rolled a 19 for my third. So all of them hit. Yeah, they all hit. 27 damage. Woo. Woo. Wow.

Starting point is 01:14:01 Yeah. Get out of here. He's got like, he's got claws that are made of little shark jaws and you just like clean blow one off. Okay, that is now the shark jaws turn. It's gonna look at Mack. That's the first it's going to bite you. No.

Starting point is 01:14:19 Oh my gosh, it just crad! I swear I'm not. Why is it going for Mack? I believe you. So is it going for me, dude? I believe you. So that's 14 damage? OK, I'm still up, but I'm very hurt. Now he's going to claw you. This is going to do slashing damage.

Starting point is 01:14:33 You remember when you took slashing damage from the first? Yes. It fucked up your shoe. Does a 12 hit? No. OK, it misses. It misses with the slashing damage damage the scuba suit is intact Oh

Starting point is 01:14:49 This guy is looking fucked up and it is Treads turn Okay, I'm gonna friggin sing my Thunder Wave song at him. I'm gonna cast Thunder Wave. Whoa. I'm gonna cast it at Third level. Whoa. He only rolled a seven on his concept to your damage 18 damage 18 he had 14 damage left Trade fucking plays a chord and the rest of you watch this Construct of shark jaws shatter of you watch this constructive shark jaws shatter.

Starting point is 01:15:26 Whoa, nice. Shatter indeed. And I also have, I had this bonus action that I wanted to do. And I play like an open gourd, just letting it ring and I sing to Mac. Tears in my eyes, cause it just feels wrong. Then I see that I healed you, cured by my song. And I, I, I got, I bonus action healing word you.

Starting point is 01:15:50 Oh, thanks, man, but that's small. So you spells in a turn. I don't think you can do that. Oh, no. It was a beautiful song. It was a beautiful song. OK, you know what? You're still saying the song, but like your magic

Starting point is 01:16:04 fizzles at your back. We'll heal himself at the same time. Well, thank you. You did it. Oh, no, I totally, yeah, I totally saw that I did it. What? No, you didn't. I'm just drinking a beer, a holy beer. And then let's go to hungry Dave. Three. Let's go to Hungry Dave. Three, all by yourself, Hungry Dave. You wander and you see something unnatural.

Starting point is 01:16:32 Is it the anxiety of being all by yourself playing tricks on your mind? Because you've never seen something that looks like this before, a jellyfish with what looks like elephant tusks and a vague smell of frayed wires is going to try to gory you. What's frayed wires? Oh no, it's the ghost of all the jellies I ate. Does it 22? It does it. 17 damage.

Starting point is 01:17:04 Okay. And I guess you and this fucking dude roll initiative now. You're old at three. I rolled an eight. Hungry Dave, you act first. Okay, so what I'm going to do on my first attack is I'm going to use a seeking arrow to send a disc right to where my boys are. to send a disc right to where my boys are so that they will know where I am. So using divination magic you grant your arrow the ability to seek out a target. When you use this option you don't make an attack roll for the attack. Instead choose one creature you have seen in the past minute. The arrow flies toward that creature moving moving around corners if necessary, and ignoring three-quarters cover and half cover. If the target is within the weapons range and there

Starting point is 01:17:49 is a path large enough for the arrow to travel to the target, the target must make a dexterity saving throw, otherwise the arrow disappears after traveling as far as it can. On a failed save, the target takes damage as if it were hit by the arrow, plus an extra 1d6 force damage, and you learn the target's current location. On a successful save, the target takes half as much damage and you don't learn its location. So it seems like I need to choose a target unfortunately. Yeah, I was just going to say who you're going to target on. Oh god.

Starting point is 01:18:20 This is the ball's debate all over again. I haven't been hit. Mack is definitely at a hard go at it. And Tred is just sensitive. So I do think I'm gonna go. I can't, I couldn't hit one of the turtles. I simply couldn't. So I think I unfortunately am gonna have to go for a maveris. His neck is looking so buff.

Starting point is 01:18:38 Okay, I whispered to my frisbee, send it. And then I think maveris needs to make a deck save. Oh. 12. It was a 13. Nice. That's what you needed to beat. Yes.

Starting point is 01:18:53 Oh wow. That's one of the only times I've ever wanted to fail a saving throw. Well, it seems like hungry Dave's dead. We probably should move on. Is that what you guys said when I was missing? You know what maybe maybe I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure I'm right. For our,

Starting point is 01:19:09 you should, dude, Frisbee watch out! Devin the fabric! There's no Frisbee's down here. What are you talking about? Dude watch out! Doc, man, I see it coming. Dude, it's so slow in the water.

Starting point is 01:19:21 You need to move. I'm so thick, I don't have to talk. Dude, I'm imagining that Frisbee nails me in the back of the water. You need to be so thick, I don't have to do that. Dude. I'm imagining it, for as many nails being the back of the neck. So once I've located where Mavers is, can I just use my dash action to get over there? Absolutely, the jellyfish will get an opportunity attack on you.

Starting point is 01:19:42 A nine is not going to hit, correct? Nope, that misses. Okay. Cool, yeah, dashed back to my friends Great, dude you hit My boss is skinny neck I'm just I'm pretending to be unconscious on the ground you killed it dude My boss I've got my speaking stone up taking a video of it. Dave dude I pop up

Starting point is 01:20:18 Oh I'm hungry Dave and I got pumped also, there is a huge elephant rushing right towards us. We should go, we should go, we should go. We should go, we should go. A jellyfish? Great, you all dash. I'll need this dash. It'll take you to 360 feet, 360 feet.

Starting point is 01:20:40 And everyone give me survival checks, hunger Dave. I'm gonna let you do it with advantage because you are like in the zone Cool did I did I take damage from the frisbee? What was it? Oh shit? Yes, I'm just getting nailed with a homing beacon 13 damage and then God six force damage 19 total six force damage. 19 total. Jesus.

Starting point is 01:21:04 Wow. Yeah, I wasn't dead, but you didn't fucking hit me pretty hard. So sorry. Is my neck and the kelp that was like, I made a fake bigger neck out of it. I guess gone. On the plus side, it's like super swollen and it looks thick. Yeah, that you have a pretty thick neck.

Starting point is 01:21:22 You look sick. Not in like the sick way, but in the sick pretty thick neck you look you look sick not not in like the sick way But in the sick way like you you look ill. Yeah, like it hurts pretty bad. Yeah, it's so stiff. I can't look left Right, the hospital So everyone everyone give me a survival check. I got a 15 survival same me too. I Well, we got it up to the two crew. Not me. Oh my god.

Starting point is 01:21:47 I roll the treadmill. I'm sorry. Tread. One thing. Don't worry, do you have another seeking arrow? It just feels good to be back together with everybody. Because I don't know if I told you guys, but I looked at this fucked up roast

Starting point is 01:21:58 and I had this really sad vision that I was all about. Tread, you're really quiet. And I only seek help. I don't see you. Tread? I look at a fish that looks like all about. Tread, you're really quiet and I only see kelp. I don't see you. Tread? I look at a fish that looks like Tread. Tread? That weird skinny fish.

Starting point is 01:22:12 I thought that was Tread. Tread. I grab the fish. The fish has bangs. This hair is spinning around. It's spinning around and it's a hairy fish. It must be some sort of druidic construct. You've never seen a fish with bangs before, and yet it is.

Starting point is 01:22:28 All right, so now it's not the time, but Maveris, you absolutely have to get a photo of me in this weird fish. I mean, do you want me to use your phone? Because I'm running out of space on mine, and everyone's asked me to take pictures. That's true, Maveris. If you take a picture of Dave in this weird fish, you might accidentally delete that video of Pumping Dave. Fuck.

Starting point is 01:22:46 Yeah, I can't. I'll use your phone, but mine's a non-starter. Tread is just like, I'm sure they're looking for me. Okay, so, so hungry Dave, Mac and Mavers, let's do your encounter check and then we'll join Tread. Okay, fuck. All right, I got this. 15. Oh, God. I'll join a tread. Okay. All right, I got this.

Starting point is 01:23:06 15. Oh God, okay. A hydrothermal vent explodes underneath you. Everyone, including your sea turtle. No! Oh, looks check. Yikes. You might lose a sea turtle in this. I got a five.

Starting point is 01:23:21 I got a 14. My sea turtle rolled 16. What does he add to it? 16 is the AC. 16 is the DC. Who got below a 16? I mean my turtle. Okay, so everyone who failed takes nine fire damage,

Starting point is 01:23:35 anyone who saved, which sounds like all of your mounts did. The turtles did. My turtle did not save, sorry. Okay, hungry days turtle goes unconscious. Oh, no. And Tony. Oh, we're naming them after the Ninja Turtles. I love that.

Starting point is 01:23:51 Yeah, this is Dawn and Tell on it. I can't name them when they're dying. Dude, we can't name them as a dying. We're talking to them. No, no, no, it's fine. I put the turtle on my back. I'm carrying my turtle now. No, it's all pretty healing.

Starting point is 01:24:03 Just wait it. Yeah. You do have an action because the way we've been doing this I put the turtle on my back. I'm carrying my turtle now. No, it's all gonna heal you just fucking me, heck. You do have an action because the way we've been doing this in counter, even if you don't go into initiative, you have an action you can use. So each of you can use an action. You'll probably want to get this turtle back up if you want Hungry Dave to dash

Starting point is 01:24:18 or Hungry Dave can hop on the back of one year with a speed disadvantage. I'll hit everybody with a mass healing word. That would be great. I have three HP. I also, I'm resistance to fire. Are you resistant to fire damage as a dragonborn or no?

Starting point is 01:24:32 Oh, I am, yeah. Oh, yeah. So you guys take half then. You can go to the field. Okay. So I hit everybody, including the mounts with six, six HP, beautiful. Okay, Leonardo, away, let's go!

Starting point is 01:24:46 Rafael, come on. Don't, I'm so sorry, here, have some eggs. Now, tread. Tread, tread in Michelangelo. Oh, me, an encounter check. All right, it's a 19. Tread, you stumble upon a book, inexplicably undamaged by the water it is submerged in. It's covered in algae and lichen.

Starting point is 01:25:12 You may now choose one first level spell from another class and learn it. You won't get an extra spell slot. Just one extra spell you can always have prepared. Get it up, Michelangelo, away from his cursed book. I'm picking up, I'm picking up. I'm picking up. Rat, oh, Tread's probably getting eaten by a book right now. They've all booked goblin' him up.

Starting point is 01:25:37 And that's it. So you guys pop out of the kelp forest. You look to your right and Tread, how do you emerge from this kelp forest with having had this good encounter? I'm surfing on my turtle hammering hammering cords on my guitar. Cowabunga, dude. Oh my god. He's falling off. He let go of the saddle quick hit him with a freeze-be-game Hammer throwing. This has got to be a false tread he's just clearly a doppelganger this cool

Starting point is 01:26:14 light him up boys light him up wait wait wait guys guys guys I got this one I got this one I grab maveris and I pretend that he's dead and I'm holding him Minor illusion X's over my eyes Yeah, dude, there was a book Pop up You fucking fell for it I totally did not fucking thought your friend was dead You were crying you had genuine emotions you fucking you love

Starting point is 01:27:00 I can't care at all I can't care at all when I thought you were this super care to put on the camera I can't decide You would have super cared All of this insanity is happening. Maveris, like you guys are just, you've just come out of this forest. The Gemini necklace. The one you found on the micro-brews-cruise glitches in your pocket coming to life,

Starting point is 01:27:20 almost like a radio that just found a signal. What? Guys, someone's calling this necklace. Okay. Or I don't know. Can we listen to it? Can we tune it to the alt stage? I wanna hear Tread.

Starting point is 01:27:35 Wanna see if they're playing Tread. You would appear that this is kind of like a listening device or a bug used for like discrete sort of one-sided communication. And it seems as though it's like, because it's coming into range of its pair. I'm gonna put it on. Okay, cool. You put the necklace on,

Starting point is 01:27:54 and when the clasp snips, you hear bits of a conversation, but it's a little static-y, as if you're not fully in range, you're coming in and out of range. You're a woman, say. A fantastic work infinity. When the submersible returns, you can travel back to salty peaks.

Starting point is 01:28:15 They're ready for you at the teleportation station. You've exceeded expectations, infinity. A second voice comes in. You can call me by my real name, you know Oh sweetheart we use code names for a reason. This is business. You know that right infinity Of course There's a little silence Um one last thing before I leave I just was, what are you doing with these people?

Starting point is 01:28:46 There's another silence this time an uncomfortable one. Infinity, you did a good job, but this job doesn't pay an answer. These candidates you've brought us are fantastic. You earned your family a spot in the lottery that should be enough. Yeah, yeah, it is enough, thank you. You hear high heels echo on a cold floor as they depart. Now, give me a stealth check or the person who is wearing this will know that you listened

Starting point is 01:29:27 Okay I got a I rolled an 18 plus two so 3020 expertly on class my Great stuff it on it under a couch nearby. A couch skirt? You find some kelp that looks like a couch skirt and you? Dude, have you ever put a necklace under a couch? Why would you say that?

Starting point is 01:29:56 I'm just wondering. You're being crazy. You're being crazy, right? And then, yeah, you guys emerge on the other side of this kelp forest. The first thing that you notice is snow. What? It's floating from the surface. It's not actual snow, it's not cold, although the water is very cool down here, this

Starting point is 01:30:18 deep. It's debris, floating, falling from the surface, piling on the floor, landing on your shoulders, and in your hair. In the deep sea, organic material, falling from the upper waters is called marine snow, but there's something a little bit different about this. The next thing you see is the ruins of an ancient city square. Broken columns, murals faded, statues missing limbs and noses and heads and covered in lichen analogy, and of course this mysterious dusty snow. Before you is a staircase that fans out to meet the once awe inspiring splendor of this city. The banisters are broken, the steps are sort of like

Starting point is 01:31:06 loosened from their mortar, but at the center of this square is an elaborate fountain sculpture, a snake-bodied Leviathan, towering over an unafraid muscular sea elf, holding off the beast with her Celtic shield. Again, these are sculptures, so they're crumbling, they're missing things. The sea elves sword that was once poised for a battle has been broken at the hill

Starting point is 01:31:32 and it's sunken down to her feet. When you look at the floor though, you notice something else. On the ground, in this strange snow, there's a small scattering of bones, not like broken, but interrupted, cleanly severed, but in unexpected places. You remember Steegle talking about a place protected from divination and teleportation. These fragments of bones they look like failed teleportation attempts.

Starting point is 01:32:09 Oh look, he just got ripped apart by magic when they tried to go here. Yeah, there's not a lot of them. This is probably not a place that a lot of people know about, but the people who tried to come, it didn't work out. The people who tried to teleport their way in, it didn't just say like error not loading. It hurt. So you can assume that this sort of magical snow is a magical effect, possibly this aura. And the final thing you see obviously the most important is beyond this center a massive modern looking glass compound not like inviting glass like a greenhouse the clinical glass of a laboratory glowing with secret workings It's also

Starting point is 01:33:00 guarded by Murphoke who are wielding glaves so sharp, they seem to reflect what little light comes down here. And the final thing that you see is, on a leash, a giant angry looking vampire squid. This is presumably a welcoming committee for the bonfrares. You even look up in the sky, you see like lanternfish patrolling like search lights. They're waiting for you.

Starting point is 01:33:33 And that's where we'll end our episode. Oh, oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Let's not yell though. Oh no. Oh no.

Starting point is 01:33:44 Oh my god, so crazy. I throw a rock at the squid. Wait. I can have to use something. I can have to use something. First to the glass. Great. Thank you so much for listening everyone.

Starting point is 01:33:57 If you want to hear us talk more about this, we will do that on the short rest at patreon.com slash NADD, P-, don't see it. I think that's the first time I did it right. You got it, Carol. Does anyone have anything they want to plug? Let's start with Zach. I would like to plug the audible series that's a,

Starting point is 01:34:20 a, a, shoes made that I got some stuff in. I'm in that too. Yeah, I'm a guy who works at Best Buy that Alicia Silverstone treats really horribly, which is very fun. I'm in a second that plug. Each chit-kitty Daniels is the name of the show. It is on audible.com. My wife Susanna wrote it along with Zach Broussard and Karen McGuire it is incredibly funny

Starting point is 01:34:47 Concepts by Tony Wilson by the way, and then yeah, there's a lot of great voices in it. Emily are you in it as well? I am it's a parody of true crime It's incredibly funny and has like a really compelling twist strangely I think you're really gonna like it so check it Again, Alicia Silverstone is in it. It's a real treat So again, audible.com. You can get a free trial and you can listen to the entire thing, but yeah audible.com Great and thank you so much for listening. You can tweet about the show using hashtag nad pod that's NADDPOD We are your And that's NADDPOD!

Starting point is 01:35:38 It is time to thank our benevolent Council of Elders, starting with Brad D, Jeffrey S, Haldor Frostback, Steel Breaker, Matt M, and Jordan DJ, a group of Murphoak who are throwing a raging party in the kelp, unfortunately, they were left undiscovered and Mack will never get to try their briny ale. Dang. Cutter W, Jive G, Zolo Dolo, Dylan B, and Schubert the Mushroom. Not only have these folks eaten and enjoyed a Bougar fish, but Jive G actually holds the Bohumi and World Record for most Bougar fish consumed.

Starting point is 01:36:10 Wow, without puking, which is, too. Danielle the Dastridly name. Andrew M. Beardman Dan, Chris R. and Scott D. A group of wild leatherback sea turtles who could never be ridden, nor tamed. Though they are also teenagers who love pizza. Danny P. Alena C. Mixologist Michael Mick D. and Victor T. Boundor's boy. And you can't forget Felix N. G. Jr. A group of dolphins who heard intimidating stories of the Bond frayers, the only three people in all the many worlds who have an instinctual dislike

Starting point is 01:36:42 for dolphins. Andrew B. Justin I. TJM the No. barbarian, Kaylee E. Alaina M. and Jacob C. Members of a pop punk Skaw ban, the tread would actually really, really left open for a bro. Okay, it'd be kinda like super rad. Trey Leigh, the crayfay, Jared E. Christopher B. Austin, Bonesaw, MR, and Damial R. Hungry Dave's ultimate Frisbee team before Dave struck out solo. He was actually a member of this elite ultimate squad, eventually though he was kicked out for consistently eating the team's water cooler.

Starting point is 01:37:15 Wow, not drinking eating makes sense. Jordan L. Cyborg version of Josh the Cobald, Gage M. Skow, Killa, all right, Skow, Killa, alright Skow, Killa, Destin C, and Richard X Machina, a group of fishermen who felt really bad for accidentally littering the contents of their cooler in the ocean, but if you're not, Tread has found salvation in your Luna Bar and your sun chips. Michael L. Kelvin Nudel, Sergio Salazar, Solomon Sakurai, Estes Yuani, and Trast the Traveller but can't forget, Jori S. of course, the makers of Luna bars in Bahumia, wow and yes these bars will turn

Starting point is 01:37:49 you into a werewolf, that kind of Luna, holy shit, but a really cool one. So that's fair. Dana G, Caleb L, Ryan, Jack L, and flawless whale, a group of onion men who found Bullywug scuba suits in the cottage and are just waiting to surprise Mackinac kelp forest. Too bad that role didn't come up. Dang. Temporal, Sam L, Nicholas C, Reese NS, Samuel B and Mike H. A coffee shop called The Blessed Brew that is currently considering legal action against Max on a month for stealing their name. Uh oh.

Starting point is 01:38:21 Matthew E. Colton B, Adam G, Yens, Christian T. and Mateo, C. The Turtle Tenders, providing goods and services for exclusively C. Turtles Across Bahumia, Shellwax, Flipper Arch support, you name it, they have got it. Very cool. Eric B. Panama, James, Adrian, The Halfling Bard, John H.N. and Dan. A group of Murphoq teens that keep getting their zippos of the deep confiscated at school for doing way too much dangerous tricks. Fight on little dudes though, those thorny figures are such a drip. Nikki W. Grace G. Drew Nasty, C.C. Lulu and J. A cover band called The Grateful Tread. Holy shit, that's cool.

Starting point is 01:38:59 That has been doing gigs at the Clam Dunk Ever since Tread Tore it down there. Just wait till Tread returns and finds out what a legend. that one set made him. Oh my god, Tread can't wait bro. Barnes and Nader, Douglas A. Michelle O. Luke H. Aiden, R.H. and Rital Rin, the scientists at Booker Fish Technologies, a team devoted to figuring out what groundbreaking discoveries could be lurking in the night mucus of parrotfish so far. They have found nothing. Timmy are Lucas B. Err and S. Kevin M. Austin C. owners and chefs of the only Buggerfish food truck in all of Bohemia between a complete lack of customer interest and threats from the FDA. I won't be around long so get your

Starting point is 01:39:41 boogers while you can. Devon W. Neorx, Stephen C. K. J. and Michael M. Routy-Murfolk teens who threw a rock at the infamous underwater glass house. Uh-oh. Only for her to embarrassingly dink off. Thank goodness. They livestreamed the whole thing and now they are the laughing stock of underwater high school. Huh.

Starting point is 01:40:01 Take that, search right. Rahul and Mike K. Maxwell C, Nick L and Karen T. Mischievous, underwater gnomes who are hiding on the kelp with fish, Nukis balloons waiting for the bonfires to pass them so they can strike Teehee, indeed. Ekithor, 666, indeed. Shane B, Justin Raccoon, Nick W and Michael, C and Elite Squad of underwater cowboys known as the Turtle Rangers. Fun fact, the amounts they ride are technically tortoises, not tortoises. Robert F. Esme, M. Nathan, Kazmir, the all-knowing big, bad, bearded, the mad, and Eric McDee, mutant

Starting point is 01:40:37 half-sharks who were created by an underwater experiment. They are not humanoids though, they're half-bird. So they just kind of flap around menacingly underwater hard to imagine that that's menacing at all. Burley T. Alex A. The Red Rain Christian A. and J. Dragonborn, a bachelor party who just got lost in the kelp forest while snorkeling. So it was an extremely deep snorkel trip and they're beginning to regret it. I would yeah, I'd call that a scuba. Jonathan O. The Zendrayan Grant Grant, Ben A. Feldonis, and Dave H. Tiny, Plankton Folk, who are taking up arms and gathering in Mavers' stomach

Starting point is 01:41:12 so they can fight their way out. Uh-oh, that dude is about to have a wicked hangover. Be very careful. Catherine as David K. Christian as Keith K. Brittany B. a team of tiefling influencers who make neck exercise videos that Mavers has recently subscribed to Damn. That insult went straight to right below his head.

Starting point is 01:41:30 Hannah W. Emilio D. Koala, Big Bad John, and Cody C. have all looked at the black rows and it's thorns and they felt mostly fine about it. So they even thought it was cool. So that the fact that Tread freaked out honestly means he's just he's going through his own thing and that's alright man Astin as Blair the bug Blair bulb bar Blair Ian. Thanks Blair pork chop Chenniel M and depressed demon hunter a group of stout Murfolk who actually just hang out in the geyser to relax Wow, that is an impressive sight Alice Fincy Minnet F Pat L. Lauren H is an impressive sight. Alice, Fincy, Minnet, F, Pat L, Lauren H. They all invented the Eternal Ocean Lighter. Wow, mostly they wanted to manipulate the power of the elements, but

Starting point is 01:42:11 cool lighter tricks are just kind of a byproduct. Janina E. Maddie Y. Jo T. The eldest Barry and Ryan S. Infinity's X's. Wow, she really knows how to break hearts except for Ryan S. Actually, because they were kind of over infinity by the end and it was mutual, healthy actually. The bone duster, Darius M. Nathan J. Joshua H. and Robert C.R.S.P. Robert Crisp, the team of doctors it's going to take to pump Tread Stomach after this adventure is over. It's just going to be bread and water for our boy through the fall, all right? You'draisal Matthew K. Brentley and Tristan Vee, the renters who are moving into Carl's aunt's house after the bonfire strip is over. So if they're lucky, the bros are gonna be, uh, they'll be leaving at least one matrix movie,

Starting point is 01:42:56 probably the last one, uh, in the DVD player. So enjoy that. And thank you all. Enjoy that. And thank you all.

Not Another D&D Podcast - The Mavrus Chronicles - Ep 5: Into the Kelp Forest (w/ Zac Oyama)

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