Not Another D&D Podcast - The Mavrus Chronicles - Ep 6: Merfolk Melee (w/ Zac Oyama)

Episode Date: September 18, 2020

Carl's Elite Retrieval Team tries their best to get into the underwater laboratory. Tread gets album art inspiration, Mac reveals yet another wedding gift weapon, Hungry Dave socially network...s, and Mavrus has a spiritual experience with a bag. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Note: this episode is not the finale! The finale will air next week.Sound design by Daniel Ramos (@Schubirds on Twitter & @Dr.Schubird on IG)MUSIC:"Lonely Autumn" by Emily Axford"Goblin Dirigible" by Emily Axford"Gemini" by Emily Axford"Qwiksis" by Emily Axford"Left is Left and Right is Center" by Emily Axford"The Summer We've Been Waiting For" by Emily Axford"I Think I Lost My Glasses" by Emily Axford"Mini Meteors" by Emily Axford"Lust" by Emily Axford"Demi-God" by Emily Axford"Shock at the Dock" by Emily Axford"All I Need is a Thread to Spin a Web" by Emily Axford"Carl" by Emily Axford"The Objective" by Emily Axford"Queen Ezra" by Emily Axford"Infiniti" by Emily Axford"The Golden Sword" by Emily AxfordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:01:21 brush processing. Code www-A-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, Sweeties. Hey, everyone, just a quick correction. In the beginning of this episode, I say that this is the last episode, but in fact, it is not. Next Friday, September 25th will be the final episode of Hot Boy Summer.
Starting point is 00:01:40 Now, please enjoy the actual penultimate episode of Hot Boy Summer. Bye, Sweeties! Welcome to the campaign after the campaign! This is not another D&D podcast! Welcome back to Bahumia, everyone! Bahumia! Come back to Bohemia everyone. Bohemia. Specifically the last gas buffooned frere behavior before we dive headfirst into the lonely autumn.
Starting point is 00:02:13 I'm your dungeon-docent Emily Expert as always joined by my very hot boys, Brian Murphy. The turtle ranger holding Carl's pager, born in a. No sir but a god of pilsner. Max, some of them are fern. Born in a manger can we run back now? No sir but a god of pilsner. It's a slam poem. He's a god. You get it? Okay. He set up his own war and refuted it. Yeah. And of course we've got called well, Tanner. Hungry Dave, breaker of necks, slurper of bookers. Full disclosure, we took like two minutes at the top of the episode to write our rhymes and that's what called well, dude. I have one that was perfect and then I just kind of chilled out for a minute. Just on the Zoom just watching you stare in the distance.
Starting point is 00:03:12 I was nervous to go but now I feel fine. Okay then that's a perfect transition to do. We got jig her with. Oh no it's your bro on the go feeling low. That's okay though because you know I'm giving a show surfing on the back of Michael Angelo. Nice. Oh.
Starting point is 00:03:30 Oh. What, she walks in beauty like the night. Wow. And finishing us off is Zachayama. Oh no, it's Maveris, the sorcerer. Her skin is red and takes frisbees to the back of the head. And then we'll lie there and pretend he's dead. He's trying to find his friends and no longer shed them.
Starting point is 00:03:56 What else are you gonna run with the dread? Fully shed. Yeah, you should have stopped. You know, I forgot that people were doing multiple ones. Tread, Oh fuck. Yeah. That was a really incredible rhyme. Like contrasted with the energy that you gave to it,
Starting point is 00:04:11 which was like you failed right when you started. That was a great rhyme. You needed it. Yeah, unpapered that was beautiful. I feel like you should have hired someone who was more excited about the rhyme to say it. You soft pitched it. You understeered that rhyme. What you were seeing was me realize about the rhyme. You soft pitched it. You under-heared that rhyme.
Starting point is 00:04:25 What you were seeing was me realize I need to add more rhymes to this. So you're watching me do math while saying it and then it took, it made the performance nose dive. You know, I just love an introduction that puts everyone on their toes. So, let's do a little recap. Last session, the lock screen photo of the missing paddle puppies phone triggered in each of you another memory from your first night in salty peaks. A brief glimpse into each of the CLs who joined Baffin to make up the paddle puppies.
Starting point is 00:04:58 You remember a tall one who grabbed a jellyfish that had washed ashore on a dare, a bearded one at the grill lecturing someone about achieving the perfect char. Along-haired musician playing palm-muted reimaginations of an old sea shanty about a sunken city, and a beer pong whiz with a bowl cut and a completely untouched rack of cups. Then, dreads stomach grumbled, and you had to find something to eat. Then, Tread's stomach grumbled, and you had to find something to eat. While Mac, Maverous, and Hungry Dave contemplated eating a parrot fish covered in its own mucus, Tread found a mysteriously intact luna bar. As soon as he touched it, however, huge kelp net tried to catch him, and a Murfolk emerged from a sea cave, sickening four leatherback sea turtles on Tread.
Starting point is 00:05:43 Maverous cast suggestion on the Murfolk and you were able to calm him down long enough to realize that you all shared a common enemy. TIG, the Murfolk and Turtle Shepherd, spoke of how the lady from the island changed. He said she built a glass house in the ruins of an old C. L. City just beyond the kelp forest and told you, ruins are powerful sights for magical workings. Then you all party by a bonfire, lit by his lighter of the deep, tread found comfort in a fun-size bag of sun chips, hungry Dave, it sucker fish off a baby sperm whale, Mavers
Starting point is 00:06:15 earned himself proficiency in drinking games, and Mac had a spiritual connection with one of the sea turtles. Nothing weird happened. A spiritual. I did some drama the next turtles. Nothing weird happens. It's virtual. I did some drama with the next story. How dare you! You then journeyed into the kelp forest, encountering arcane sea slugs, skeletons made of shark
Starting point is 00:06:35 jaws, super depressing flowers, tusked jellyfish, hydrothermal vents, cursed symbols in the sea floor sand, and one very cool book. As you emerged from the kelp forest, Maverus picked up a radio signal on the Gemini necklace he discovered on the micro-boost cruise. You listened in an overheard infinity from the bachelor at party, being gently rebuked by a woman who told her to use code names and reminded her that this job doesn't pay an answer. You got your family into the lottery, isn't that enough? As the voices from the necklace faded, you saw the
Starting point is 00:07:10 ruins of a once great CLCity covered in magical marine snow. You also saw an intimidating glass laboratory guarded by a group of murphoke with a giant vampire squid. And that's where you are now. with a giant vampire squid. And that's where you are now. Standing in the ruins of a sea-elf city, mysterious marine snow is piling on your shoulders and in your hair, huge angler fish, larger than you would see in nature, are patrolling above with their little lanterns
Starting point is 00:07:39 shining down, searching for you. Some murphoac with intimidating-looking glaves, sort of prod and anger, this massive vampire squid, protecting this airlock to this laboratory. Okay, first things first, I definitely need a short rest. I got absolutely wrecked by that glyph. Right, right, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna tell you that if you want to take a short rest,
Starting point is 00:08:05 like you look up, you see these angler fish, they've got their little lanterns searching for you, you couldn't take a short rest here, you'd probably have to just step back into the kelp forest. Yeah. Oh. Oh. Oh.
Starting point is 00:08:19 Into her one more encounter, and you could set up camp there. Absolutely what you're gonna do. All right. You could also try to, I'll say that you could set up camp there. Absolutely what you're like to do. You could also try to, I'll say that you could also try to stealth to, you know, like a crumbling building, but it will be a pretty tough stealth check because everyone is actively looking for you. We just, could we just dig a hole?
Starting point is 00:08:40 I do not trust me and Dave to not get caught by these things. Right. I will. If you really want to dig a hole and you have like spells to make that a viable option, I could be persuading. I mean, my Frisbee is kind of like a shovel. Okay, that's not enough. Mac runs into the kelp. Okay, you go into the kelp. I won't make you roll survival checks. If you're just going like shallowly in the kelp, I won't make you roll survival checks. If you're just going like shallowly in the couch, I won't make you roll survival checks to stay together, but I will need you to do an encounter check.
Starting point is 00:09:11 It's all right, maybe we'll get a good one. Maybe it'll be good. That's true. That's true. You've gotten a good one. You found a freaking book, dude. This is almost a little unfair because in last week's short rest,
Starting point is 00:09:21 we went through every single encounter possible. Yeah, but we don't know, we don know we're gonna get it's all random. Oh man, I've never wanted to know 24 of my life on a tread. tread please get a nap. Dude, I'm gonna try. You have to fuck this off, okay? 16. If this is another glyph, I'm gonna freak out.
Starting point is 00:09:45 16. Oh! Good one. You find a satchel. Roll me a D4. All right. It's a corals bag. It's a tight messenger.
Starting point is 00:09:58 It's a three. Okay, you find three potions in this little kelp woven bag. Now, roll me a D4 for each of them to find out what type of potion they are. You find three potions in this little kelp woven bag. Now, roll me a D4 for each of them to find out what type of potion they are. Wow, all right, 3D4. Oh, shit, I think it's my bag. That's 100%. Not your bag.
Starting point is 00:10:16 Give me a deception check, Mavers, to claim these potions as your own. Oh, you know what? I think earlier I dropped my bag. The Mavers, you had a torn up Jansport that had one strap completely destroyed because you said you would never two strap it so you cut it off. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:35 Then I got this bag. Okay. I rolled a tent. My passive insight is better than that. I think mine is two. Okay. Maverick's no one fucking police. This is a Maverick's bag. Fine, whatever. It's not mine. You know, Maveris, no one fucking police. This is a Maveris is bad.
Starting point is 00:10:46 Fine, whatever, it's not mine. You know Maveris doesn't two strap, he's got a jansport that he cut the strap off of. Okay, what were the defores that you rolled for these potions? Two ones and a two. Okay, you got two healing potions and a greater healing potion. Nice.
Starting point is 00:11:03 I'm tempted to not even give one of these to you, Maverisk, but you can have the bag. If you like the bag, take the bag, good. You can have the bag. You can have the soggy ass bag for being a freaking liar, bro. All right, fine, I'll take the bag. Yeah, honestly, it looks really good on you, dude.
Starting point is 00:11:20 So like, just put it on. Dave, stop complimenting him. What thought we were, I thought this was what we were going to do. A performance check with the bag. Absolutely. Is your coat a pillow? Fuck a nat 20. Wow.
Starting point is 00:11:34 In this moment, as Maverick slings this one strap over his designated strap shoulder. His cloak billows and you know instinctually he didn't even make it billo. He didn't even make it billo. It was the spirit of the kelp forest reuniting an item that belongs to its sole owner. I think that is his bag. You know the difference between me and you guys? You have a bag? Just say it, man. I make this look good. Oh.
Starting point is 00:12:12 Oh. Oh. Can I do a slight of hand to see if I can put the, I want to put the greater healing potion in the bag. Okay. Yeah. You have to be good. It's a 17.
Starting point is 00:12:26 I don't entirely understand why you wanna do it, but yeah, up to it. It's a little gift for my boy because I felt bad taking the potion from this. Okay, yeah, if you guys, because I have more healing stuff, obviously, although I am pretty low on spells, so this is not ideal.
Starting point is 00:12:40 But if you guys wanna hang on to those other potions, yeah. I am gonna say that you'll also need to sort of set up camp a little bit to a certain degree, like at least some shelter or something, just because there are predators in this kelp forest. Maybe we can just circle the turtles. Yeah, let's just make a little turtle tent.
Starting point is 00:12:58 Perfect, turtle tent is good enough. A lean turtle, yeah. Okay, so we're all in the turtle tent. Let's just get, I'm gonna go ahead and use my channel divinity, pass out the Blessed Brew, the Cottage Core IPA. It's sweet, just like a little buzz to keep us going. Yeah, let's just pre-game, because this is big,
Starting point is 00:13:16 coming up. Yeah, we got a pre-game. It's gonna give everybody plus one to AC. Ooh, hell yeah, that's awesome. And I'll play my song of rest while we're resting too. Great. I hate to put you on the spot, Jake, but does Tread have any lyrics for this song of rest? Yeah, for this song of rest. He's saying, but whisper screams, under the water, getting wetter and wetter, but
Starting point is 00:13:40 the song is so relaxing, it'll make you feel better. That is a relaxing song, Tread. Thank you. Yeah, the turtles are very scared, but I liked it. I was thinking over and over again for the full three hours. I tried to calm them. I'm trying to take a nap, Tread. Under the water, getting wetter and wetter. The turtles are winnying. This one's trying to run away. Hey boys, I'd love to come clean about something.
Starting point is 00:14:09 Earlier, I just quoted men in black. That wasn't a line that I thought of. I just was, I don't know, it felt in the moment like a cool thing to do. Dude, wow. I just want to make sure that you guys know that I have enough faith in you that I'm going to be honest. You've lied so much to us in the past
Starting point is 00:14:26 like five minutes. Yeah yeah yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Everest. I forgive you. And when we get out of this, I think we should all sit down on a couch and watch all three men in black movies and maybe men in black international if there's time. That'd be rare. That's the one I haven't seen. Is men in black going to be the ski trip? Oh wow. Oh wow.
Starting point is 00:14:54 There's sunglasses in that too. Here come the men in black. Alright boys, bring the cottage course together. Let's do a cheers. Clint clink to saving Carl and to watching men in black. Oh yeah. Looking all for let's go do it. Maybe I'll sidebar with Maverick and just point out the great or healing potion now.
Starting point is 00:15:17 Just to take something happens and we're incapacitated and I can't tell him that I secretly gave him a potion. This doesn't feel completely empty. I secretly gave him a potion. Does it feel completely empty? I felt empty moments ago, but... Great, yeah. You, uh, Maverick, you fiddle around looking for what might be at the bottom of this bag and you find it. Saghatorade?
Starting point is 00:15:36 What is... Oh. It is in a gatorade bottle. All of these healing potions are in gatorade bottles. Cherry gatorade. Cherry gatorade. Tread lowers his glasses. The Matrix sunglasses over his broken
Starting point is 00:15:46 nose that you smashed and winks at you thanks man you have to do black guys that thing is broken dude it looks really clocking it looks so much worse today tread your face is turning green a little bit yeah it's really kind of old Bruce kind of situation. I have a concussion. I think I do too. Don't go to sleep, man. Fuck, I've gone to sleep. He's gone to sleep a lot. Great. So you all are in this kelp forest just right at the edge of it. And whenever you want, you can go out and did our turts short rest too. Can they have their HP back? Okay. Here's what I'm going to tell you about the turts. If you go in there on TIGS turts, the other murfolk might think that TIGS sent you, which could be really bad for TIG.
Starting point is 00:16:36 Okay. I don't want to blow up TIGS spot. Why don't we have the turts chill because ideally we live and we need to ride back. Good call. Ideally we live. Yeah. Kinda like just like letting your car go. Yeah, you can absolutely ask them to stay in whatever capacity you have to do that.
Starting point is 00:16:58 Leonardo, you're the leader of the turtles. Do you think you could get like, I know Rafael's probably gonna like give you some shit for this. I'm arguing with Rafael in the background really hard. I was gonna say that you all see Max turtle obey his command. The other three as soon as you turn your back they swim back to take. Whoa so much for following the leader. Hey, Tolotoua. Leonardo, go get the others, please. Me and Raff are just too similar, you know? We're just too similar.
Starting point is 00:17:31 You guys got bad turtles. All right, Leonardo, just go, go be with your brothers. So we're just going to fight all these dudes when we go out there. So I would love to bestow curse that vampire monster, but I don't have any third level spells. I would love to bestow curse that vampire monster, but I don't have any third level spells. Tread, are you packing any third level spells?
Starting point is 00:17:51 Yeah, I got one baby. Because if you could hit that vampire thing with the thing that makes it not move, that could be really good for us. Yeah, that'd be rad. All right, I can bestow a curse on it. I think there's no way we're getting in past these Murphoke. I think they're going to pop in and just join that high heel lady and kick our ass all at once if we sneak in. So we might, it might
Starting point is 00:18:20 behooves us to to send these dudes. Hey, um, do you guys look? I'm happy, I'm like trying to be a team player here all the way, and I'm doing it the way that I know how. Do you want me to just freaking light up this squid? Yeah. Should we just light up this squid? You'd bestow a curse on that squid? I can just freaking light them up. You want to light up the squid? You want to go full pyro on that squid, my man?
Starting point is 00:18:44 It's fucking octopus wants to go. Or I don't know, I mean like, do we, like, is the plan just go out there, bestow curses him and then just, just wreck shit? I can give you guys some, some context. Like I said, they're waiting for you. If you wanna get a surprise round on these people, you will have to, like, you'll be rolling against
Starting point is 00:19:00 their active perception. So it's gonna be really hard to get a stealth round. Okay. But you can definitely try, but it's like these angler fish are out there trying to find. Do you guys have any way to do invisible or anything? Does anybody have invisibility?
Starting point is 00:19:13 I can do invisibility. What if the three of us go up, me, Maverson Dave, Tread is invisible, and Tread bestows curse to kick it off? Whoa. Ooh, that's pretty sick. Yeah, okay. I can also shoot some stuff from pretty far away. So maybe me and Dave go in.
Starting point is 00:19:33 Yeah, we like pretend that we're like mail strippers or like like teets of guys. Yeah, Dave. You shared your turtle, was it Michael and Shlope? I think I chose the wrong turtle. Yeah. All right, so Maverick, that's a good idea. You can shoot from far away.
Starting point is 00:19:53 Why don't we have me and Dave at like sort of a middle distance, ready to rush in once Tread starts trouble, and Maverick, you can stand back and just send some fucking fireballs down on these dudes. Yeah, just chuck flame sick I'm going if we're gonna within the forest before we go out there. I'd like to cast Melphs my new meteors because it's concentration up to 10 minutes. So how does that work? So on my turn I can launch the meteors at people. Oh, okay. Yeah. Cool. If you guys are casting spells inside the forest, then you can do it without rolling stealth checks. Sick. Nice. So you can get that activated. All right. Let's freaking send it.
Starting point is 00:20:38 So you guys are creeping in the forest. You're just at the edge of the forest. Mavericks, you've conjured how many meteors? I use Melf's minute meteors and I created six little tiny meteors around me. And... How do you, are they orbiting you? Are you like juggling them? Oh yeah. Wait, I guess I'm... God.
Starting point is 00:21:01 Yeah, I think they're orbiting me. I think juggling is maybe not his speed. Dude, were you, Mavril, so you just juggling for a second? You all see Mavril? No, I wasn't. No, I wasn't. In his billowing cloak with his kelp bag that chose him and just being orbited by meteors.
Starting point is 00:21:21 And Tread, you go invisible. Oh, yeah, I have a song for it. It hurts a lot, it doesn't hurt just a little. She loves me not and I'm invisible. Oh wow. Wait to Tread go missing in the kelp again or is he invisible? Did Tread? I'm here brother.
Starting point is 00:21:42 Tread. I'm right here Mac. Okay. Do you know what's me? Shhh. So, Tread, as you go invisible, however, you do have a little journey to make to try to sneak up on this vampire squid. Okay. I'm gonna need you to roll me a luck check.
Starting point is 00:21:59 Oh. And I'll tell you why in a second. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, don't you pinch your brow. What did you get? What did you get? Well, I rolled the four. I rolled the four. So four is going to be a failure.
Starting point is 00:22:13 So these angler fish, the lantern on that, you know, extends from their head, casts fairy fire. So now you need to do a deck save or you will be lit up. Oh. Okay. I can go on the mechanic you asshole. Yes. Are we watching this happen?
Starting point is 00:22:33 Yeah, you are. Can I try and like throw a disc to destroy the door? No, he's fine. He had to do that. That's how it feels yet. Dig a hole with that thing. That's a 23 for my deck save. A 23?
Starting point is 00:22:45 Whoa. You are so lucky. This little angler fish casting fairie fire lingers for a moment on tread. And you can all almost see the outline of him for a second and then it glips away. And tread eludes the angler fish. Whoa.
Starting point is 00:23:03 Now, the second you cast Bistokers, it's on because you will come out of invisibility just so you know. With that in mind, I think me and Dave are gonna swim towards the airlock. Yeah, we're gonna swim towards the airlock when it's like timed out. So that basically tread can get there first We're cool if they see us, but we want tread to get that surprise around We want to be like distracting the guards a little bit. So you're gonna go So you're gonna wait for tread to get there. Treads gonna post up waiting to touch this vampire squid
Starting point is 00:23:40 You're gonna run 40 feet in Potentially triggering this alarm. Yep. Okay. All right then. In fact, do you want to pretend like we're gonna big fight? Yeah, okay, so you weren't even gonna try it yourself. No, we're gonna do the someone should be filming this Someone absolutely has to film this epic prank. I don't have any space on my phone We'll pretend that we're super pissed about the kelp forest killing our friends. We swim up and say, a big shrimp ate our friends! A huge shrimp ate our friends! Your stupid kelp forest killed maverick and it killed Trent!
Starting point is 00:24:16 Okay, the way that we're going to resolve this is we're going to, first, the angler fish is going to catch you. You will both roll your deck saves not to be shrouded in in fairy fire. It points its lantern down on you. It starts whirling around, making a concoffin of bubbles going off, as an alarm. I will, before everyone rolls initiative, I will let Tread try to cast Bistokers. Thank you. Because we have made a huge scene.
Starting point is 00:24:46 I didn't think we would be glowing, Dave. Does he? Bad? No, it's OK. You, you English fish. Call all your friends. You need to get a full man hunt going. And now we're going to go to tread.
Starting point is 00:24:56 Invisible tread, crouched over this massive vampire squid. Just since you're up close, I'll just describe what this thing looks like. It's this massive vampire squid bright red body bulging eyes that are kind of cloudy in a milky way Bloody tentacles that fan out, but they're all connected by webbing so it almost looks like a like Devils umbrella. I'm getting so much for my fucking album art did by webbing, so it almost looks like a like, Devil's Umbrella. I'm getting so much ideas for my fucking album art. The Devil's Umbrella by Tread Never.
Starting point is 00:25:31 Tread, you are going to cast Bistokers, right? I'm gonna fucking lay on a power cord and sing, me and my boys, we gotta get past, sorry Mr. Squid, but I curse your ass amazing I'm going to take my little webcam and roll so that you all see what the squid rolls okay 16 tread appears to all these murfolk they're startled and does this song then what is the squid ad plus two oh my god it's wise this is the squid add? Plus two. Oh my god, it's wise. This is a smart squid.
Starting point is 00:26:08 Eleven isn't gonna save, is it? Yeah! Oh! Oh my god. That's my boy. I pop an alcoholic berry. So, great move. There really was not a lot of stealthing opportunities
Starting point is 00:26:25 in this situation, but you chose really the only way to try to get a leg up. So now, everyone roll initiative. Ooh, baby. Beautiful. All right. Ooh, okay, another Nat one. Dude, shred the nat ones on initiative.
Starting point is 00:26:45 It's bad really. I got a annoying. It's so many nat ones. Noign? I think my nat one turns into a four. Wow, you're at the top of the order. Just like that. I got a 12.
Starting point is 00:26:57 Hungry Dave. 22. Great, so now we enter initiative. Unfortunately, I mean, these, these Murfolkfolk also see tread the same time that you start this commotion So they aren't necessarily gonna like run out to you, you know, because they also just see this fucking tiefling with swoopy horns Just saying a power cord that made like the Milky just saying a power cord that made like the milky
Starting point is 00:27:25 glassiness of the squid's eyes look even fogier. It's okay to cry. And the first to go will be Hungry Dave. Wonderful. So are the guards currently all grouped together by the squid? There's five more folk. Four of them look pretty standard.
Starting point is 00:27:46 One of them looks way buffer. He's got like this really, like, he looks juiced to the gills. He's got jellyfish scars all over him, which look like little red tentacle scars. The glaive that he's holding is serrated like a shark's tooth. Does he look like he's took like steroid jellies? Okay, here's the thing. I think this is gonna piss you off even more. It looks like it's all natural. Fuck. Impossible. Impossible. Dave, how do you get so big? He's got to be
Starting point is 00:28:21 juicing with something even if it's street street legal, it's gotta be something. It's underwater corn bed or something. So that too, yeah, like the vampire squid, because they all have glaves and they're kind of, they were kind of like prodding this like squid to keep him angry. They're all within 10 feet of this. However, tread is as well.
Starting point is 00:28:40 Hmm. Okay. His tread is the closest to the squid because he just touched the squid. I believe Bistokers is touch, right? I think so. Yeah. Well, I definitely have a history of hurting my friends. It's fine.
Starting point is 00:28:56 Don't break concentration. Oh god. I don't want him to break concentration. Shit. What is the reach on your bursting arrow thing? It's like how far can I fling it or like know how far like does it affect people because you could just try to hit one on the edge And yeah, they'll do that like if I hit someone on the edge because it's within 10 feet So if I hit like someone on the edge, I can maybe hit like
Starting point is 00:29:19 One guard and then like the main guy. Yeah, you can do that to like mix red Yeah, all right. Yeah, I'm aiming that to like mix-pred. Yeah. I'm aiming this disc to try and mistred, so I'm going to fling it at, I guess like, the shrimpy guard on the right-hand side of the buff dude. I have, cool. I charge up my bursting arrow and I say, what's your routine?
Starting point is 00:29:42 Ha, ha, ha. Creatures of the seas are so like protein rich. No, you would have a swimmer's body. How are you getting so puffed? It's about eating more. It's not about content. It's about eating more. But that you must be eating all the time.
Starting point is 00:29:58 That doesn't make any sense. He takes some minnows out of his pocket and pops them. Yeah, I eat all the time. It's really exhausting to stay. This is attractive. His popping minnows in the middle of a fight. Oh, I eat all the time. It's a really exhausting to stay. This is attractive. He's popping minos in the middle of a fight. His quiver is full of cod. Dampers said that from the kelp forest.
Starting point is 00:30:11 He couldn't help it. Who's that? An angler fish comes by and shines a slide on it. Block. Does it 16 hit? It's 16 does hit. You're reading for the shrimpie guy. Yeah, that does hit.
Starting point is 00:30:23 Yeah, all right, cool. So that's going to be nine damage to the Shrimpy Guy. Okay. And then eight force damage to everyone within range, which I guess will be one Shrimpy Guy, and then this buffmer, man. Okay. And then I will take another disc and I will launch it. And as I fling this one, I say,
Starting point is 00:30:47 what do you consider natural? Like, creatine, I guess, is like technically natural. Okay, yes, I use some supplements, but they are all illegal. There it is. There it is. Hey, if GNC sells it, it's legal. Exactly. What's the one I'm saying?
Starting point is 00:31:03 That's great to be in 18 to hit. That's it. Cool. I'll save my second arcane shot And I'll just do a straight up disc at this shrimpie guard. Okay Fuck that's a one. That's only six damage. Okay, the shrimpie went out Takes it. What a shrimpie. What a shrimpie sound. It's tiny your friends are shrippy. Who do you lift with? By myself You don't have a spot impossible It's very lonely and it that is what inspires me sometimes loneliness can be an
Starting point is 00:31:36 Inspiration tread looks at his guitar And then it is the vampire squid's turn so what curse did you put on the vampire squid? The one where it can't move. That's that's the good one. So what does it have to do? It has to do a whistum? Yeah, wisdom saving throw and if it fails Then it wasted turn doing nothing. Come on. Oh That's gonna be a 19. Fuck me. Well, shit.
Starting point is 00:32:06 This kind of cutting words is only attack rolls, right? Just everyone knows I took my webcam off, showed them the role, so that was all legitimate. Anyone listening, I saw the webcam, it was a three. Oh, damn it. When a creature that you can see within 60 feet makes an attack roll, an ability to check or damage roll, so I think it's not on a saving throw.
Starting point is 00:32:24 Ah. Okay. This little thing, the cloudiness, see if he makes an attack roll and ability to check or damage roll so I think it's not on a saving throw. Okay, this little thing, the cloudiness, at least for this turn, disappears from its eye and it turns directly around to you, Tread. Oh, oh, no. When I did the curse thing, I was joking. My friends were filming from. It was joking, dude.
Starting point is 00:32:43 I was kidding, because my friend is filming it from the kelp forest. It was a bit. Does a 23 hit? Yeah, 23 hits. And even if I tried to you, yeah, there's nothing I could do to make that not hit. By the way, when we said our friend was filming in the kelp forest, that was a lie. They're not in the kelp forest. It hits you for 10 bludgeoning damage and give me a oh,
Starting point is 00:33:10 and you're just grappled. You can do an escape on your turn. Now it's going to try to bite you. Okay, that's definitely going to hit. It's a 22. Okay, that's definitely going to hit. It's a 22 Yeah, my AC. I mean, there's like not even a point in Using cutting words right now. Mr. Word. We're level five. It hits you. It bites you with its little vampiric teeth You see this is not a full like vampire. It's not gonna turn you into a vampire But it's you know squid beak opens and you see like little fangs on it. Out! Fuck no, okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:33:47 I'm sorry. It is gonna turn you into a member of my chemical group, Hans, though. Which I was close to hearing. It bites you for seven damage, seven acrotic damage, and your hit points are lowered by seven. Oh. Oh. Jesus. How?
Starting point is 00:34:03 How so fucked up. You have to roll a concentration, Jax. Oh You have to roll a concert tracer checks. Yeah, you should oh no, no, he's joining the devil's umbrella academy So I'm not gonna pass. Oh, wait, can I add anything to it? Can I party inspiration myself? No? Wait, you add your con save right yeah you're his constant good my con is zero yeah it's I roll the four there's nothing I can do cool so tread you does yours does your curse drop yeah okay this was my life was a waste oh Oh my god. Oh Terrible I was rooting for y'all but
Starting point is 00:34:59 Sorry what next up fuck this is okay, so next up this huge Jack guy is Just gonna go for threat. Oh, he's already tied up by the... Blioh! The worm, dude! I mean, why would I go for one of you? I have to travel? To go dash to you? No, I'm not going to step. Yeah, because you can... You do some cardio, dude. You're too big. I see what you're trying to do,
Starting point is 00:35:17 and it is so close to working, but I am going after this guy. Yeah, come after me. You can't hit me, motherfucker. As he gets within 10 feet of you, like his jellyfish scars just like ripple. Oh my god, I'm completely standing in your shadow. That is a 23 to hit. Jesus. That's just, I just have to take it.
Starting point is 00:35:39 I just have to take it. It's gonna be 2d8. I'm gonna go fucking down That's Plus three that's 13 slashing damage and like I'm already I'm already down so tread goes down and also and also his His scuba suit takes 13 damage no, which as you know if your scuba suits get fucked up, you can't breathe underwater anymore. Yeah, we gotta get in that freaking house.
Starting point is 00:36:09 Okay, you snuff out. Such a beautiful light in the darkness. Why are you guys working for these freaking weirdos? Tell Lady Is Not All Weird, she saved us from so many things. Okay, oh wow, Mack and Treads are at the, Mack Treads scuba suits are at the same exact level. Oh great Okay, I think that these guys are not like they are not on our orders to kill you So they're not gonna try to kill Tread Yeah, so next up is oh wait, he has one more attack
Starting point is 00:36:44 You know what he's gonna use his I guess he'll use his movement to get into range with hungry Dave and Mack Cool fucking bring it. Next up are these former folk they see Tread come out of invisibility cast a spell it fucking works this powerful power cord can't get bitten by a squid. Ow! And they all four of them are gonna have to use a dash action to go rendezvous with Mack and Hungry Dave. That is now Maveris's turn.
Starting point is 00:37:16 Okay, Maveris laughs from within the kelp and floats out with his billowing cave. Or it's not billowing. He's not using a bonus action and says, you shithead stout, I was eaten by a shrimp, even though I talked a little bit earlier. Surprise. And I'm gonna go 60 feet in.
Starting point is 00:37:37 How clumped together are these soldiers? So they just all took a dash action. They just swam 80 feet. So the other guy swam 40 feet. So the big buff guy is about 40 feet away from tread. The four that took a dash action are about 80 feet. So they've rendezvoused with a hungry Dave and Mack. It's like 120 feet from the kelp forest to the lab.
Starting point is 00:38:00 So the shrimpie guys are together. Buff guys buy himself and tread is with the vampire squid. Tread is with the vampire squid. God Tread is with the Vampire Squid. God, I can't get to Tread this turn, unfortunately, but I'm trying to think if it would help to just soften up that Vampire Squid, or if I should just take out the Shrimpi. You're a area of effect guy, we can't do big damage like you can. I'm going to use my new meteors, which is only a bonus action to use the meteors. Two of them at the Shrimpi dudes.
Starting point is 00:38:29 And the Shrimpi dudes? Okay. And they make a deck save, 16 deck save. Look alive, Shrimpies. They have a plus two to decks. One got a 19, one got a 9, so 11 and 21. Okay, so one of them takes full damage, one takes half and it's 2d6. Do you want to aim for that one that Hungry Dave softened up?
Starting point is 00:38:49 Yeah, if I could. So the one who Hungry Dave hit takes full or do you want to do full to the one who is fresh? Full to the one that Hungry Dave already has. Let's keep that safe because this plan has blown up in our fucking faces. You thought he'd get eight by a shrimp? You're the shrimp. So one takes 14, one takes seven.
Starting point is 00:39:16 And then I'm gonna use my action to use a second level scorching ray. Nice. Beautiful. He is the one. Okay. So, but, Mattress, before you do this, Cloak is billowing by the tides.
Starting point is 00:39:29 We'll say you don't use a bonus action. Ask these meteors swirl around you. And you, how do you dispatch them? Do you like say something to them? Do you like push them with your hand? I catch a meteor in my hand and I whisper to it. Send it. I catch you.
Starting point is 00:39:42 I do. And the meteor nods at me. This happens if you do this twice. Yeah. Mavericks does this. You heard what I said to the last little guy. One of the Murphoke dodges out of the way, but the other one takes that fucking meteor to the mouth and it explodes his head. Nice. Oh shit. Oh my god. Immersed. Between the Frisbee and the Meteor, this dude had a fucking bad end. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:40:08 This might be the first person I've ever killed. This is the fucking fight to the death, guys. Oh no. Oh no. And then I will roll three attacks for the scorching ray. And I'll do that at the other guy. Oh, damn it. Okay, so 11 for the first one, which I guess doesn't hit.
Starting point is 00:40:26 Doesn't hit. 11 again. Jesus. Doesn't hit. And then 23. So the last one. Yeah. And he took half.
Starting point is 00:40:34 What was half of? He took half, which was seven. Great. Yes. And then this guy takes another 2D6, which is just six damage. This one wimpy, shrimpy guy looks next to his friend who just took a disc than a meteor, then fucking exploded from it.
Starting point is 00:40:51 And then he himself narrowly dodges a meteor and then pops back up only to get a face full of flames. Is he alive? He is fine. I mean, he's not fine, but like, he, you know, he cracks his neck menacingly. Whoa. Which is weird because Murphoaks are usually pretty cartilaginous. Classic combo. Plastic discs and extremely powerful magic balls.
Starting point is 00:41:19 Just like two equally damaging forces going head to head. Next up is Mack. Mack, you've got now three Murf Oak, three shrimpie Murf Oak who have met up with you 40 feet from you, is the Super Bad S1 who uses all the legal supplements, and then 80 feet away from you. Tread is passed out in a slowly being ripped scuba suit with a vampire squid lingering over him. Okay, so I feel like Tread situation is a little bit my fault. I don't wanna take all, we all kinda signed off on the plan.
Starting point is 00:41:55 Right, yeah. I'm gonna go ahead and do a bonus action. Actually, let me see how, let me see if I can even hit him with the healing word. And I'm, how far am I away? Because these three guys have rendez-vous with you. They took a full dash action to meet up exactly where you are. So if you try to run past them, they'll get an opportunity attack. And you are 80 feet from where a tread is. But you could close that distance. You go for you all in your bully-wug scubaSuit swim 40 feet. Okay, Mack is going to pull out his wedding
Starting point is 00:42:32 Etsy mace. Say, this is for sword tread and I will use an action to take an attack on the one who has already hurt. Okay. The back does not train with weapons. He just swings absolutely wildly and it looks really weird and it looks like he's going to throw his shoulder out. Ah! Is that Mace painted to look like it's rusty? But no, it's actually weathered.
Starting point is 00:43:02 You do see, and the water is starting to take off some of the fake fading. Awesome. It's fading on it. It's fading for real. I got a 23 to hit. So new. That hits.
Starting point is 00:43:14 OK, sweet. Come on. Good God. Five damage. OK. Then I still standing. OK. You just wait for sword shred. He'll finish you. And then I still standing okay You just wait for sword shred he'll finish you
Starting point is 00:43:26 Um, and then I'm going to So I does nothing on I can live and then I'm gonna push past the dudes and take my licks I'll say probably two of them will get an opportunity attack on you great 12 only 12 to hit misses The other one is 13 plus 4, 17. 17 is my armor class with the blessed brew. He hits you for five slashing damage, further slashing your scoop of suit. Oh, you made a little pocket thing for me to take a crap out of, so thanks.
Starting point is 00:43:59 88. Then I swim. Disgusting. Super. You just poop in the water, we use dialysis. So I'm going to swim towards tread, and then I'm gonna hit tread with a healing word. Nice.
Starting point is 00:44:15 Whoa. Big turn. That is a big five HP to my man tread. I'll take it. Hey, dude, sorry about the plan. Oh, what did I miss? It just didn't work. Am I fucking vampire squid? I think Bibi would explain.
Starting point is 00:44:35 It still has you and it's clutches dude. No! Dude, you look really sick though. Like you're getting super pale. You look like you could play rhythm guitar and mic him a girl romance, man. With this new complexion and like, the black eyes from when Maverick hit me in the face.
Starting point is 00:44:52 Yeah, you look really good. I'm kinda looking at him. Oh, he's trying to be, it looks bad. That's rad. And that was great because it's Tread's turn. So he can try to handle this situation. He is grappled by this squid, but he has a turn.
Starting point is 00:45:08 Instead of doing a death save, he can try to figure out the situation. Okay. Give me, if you want to escape the grapple, you also could just decide to do spells from here, but I probably am gonna do a spell. Okay, cool. But I might as well try to break the grapple, right?
Starting point is 00:45:21 Okay, give me a strength save. 13? Doesn't save. 13? Doesn't save. I didn't think so, but that's fine. So you and the squid are right in front of the airlock, 40 feet away from you, but not next to each other are Mac and the Super Buff Murfolk. And then 80 feet away from you is Hungry Dave,
Starting point is 00:45:43 three more Murfolk, and then 120 feet away is Matt Vrisry Dave, three more Murphoke, and then 120 feet away is Matt vs. Okay, I'm gonna hit buff Murphoke. I still have hope in this quid. Hell yeah. Where is Carl? I'm getting sadder and sadder. So I strum a chord that will make your heart shatter.
Starting point is 00:45:59 Nice. Nice. What's Bowers done? Yeah, fireball. It's all the Carl's bow. This is a con save, right? Nice. What's Bowers done? Uh, shit. Yeah. Fireball. It's all the Carl's bow. This is a con-save, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:10 Oh, he looks sexy. Yeah, he looks like he has such good con. Oh, he got a three. Wow. Oh, he's a tick-bow damage. Oh, nice. Sweet, so that is 16 damage. Nice.
Starting point is 00:46:23 Wow, that was impressive. And maybe I'll use a bonus action to just give somebody bardic. I'll give it to Mack. Thanks, dude. Awesome, so you inspire Mack who just brought you back to life, a beautiful pairing.
Starting point is 00:46:38 And that is mucking back around, I believe, to the, no, that's background to hungry Dave, not the vampire squid. All right, so what I am gonna do is I'm going to cut myself a little bit so that when I get closer, my blood will distract the vampire squid. And I try to like, I try to give myself a cut similar to one of the jellyfish scars on the buff, Murafok. Why are you copying me?
Starting point is 00:47:04 I'm not, This is my thing. This is so weird. I'm flat-eyed. People dig scars. I came up with that. Cool. And then what would you like to do? I'm going to scream glory last forever. And I throw for his super hard-headed dude's head. Yeah. Precis precisely that.
Starting point is 00:47:27 Okay, that is a 22. That hits. Great. And I'll go ahead and do my second bursting arrow on him to try and catch some of the other guards. Awesome. So that is seven damage to the beefy Murphook. Ooh, 10 force damage to everyone within 10 feet of him.
Starting point is 00:47:46 So that forced damage annihilates another murfolk. There are still two though. Ooh, cool. I turn to the beefy murfolk and I say, is working for the lady really worth losing all of your gym buddies? I know you said that you went solo, but I can see in your eyes. You guys are a squad. It takes a squad to know a squad. I'm trying to get into my head, but the seniors, Murphok are very solitary.
Starting point is 00:48:15 I do not value camaraderie the way you walk in the world. People seem to. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. You're solitary. This group of five people just hanging out Okay, yeah, I mean you can be solitary, but Bard of an army can't you I just see a game of Uno that you were playing before Over on that table Yeah, get it get the table as he's contemplating his friendship. I'm going to attack him, the ono table. Yeah, get it, get the table. As he's contemplating his friendship,
Starting point is 00:48:45 I'm going to attack him again. Is another 22 to hit? Hit. That is 11 damage? Ah, you are getting in my head. I'm in your brain, I'm working out in there. You got a great setup in here. The best way to get into someone's head
Starting point is 00:49:01 is to throw a Frisbee super hard at it. Yeah. That's an honor I normally only reserve for my best buds. I'm gonna be honest. You don't have to do it to me ever again. And then I'm going to action-search and attack the beefy merman again. Okay. You know what? You don't deserve these buds. I'm gonna kill you and then I'm gonna hang out with the rest of your guards. Less mavers kills them.
Starting point is 00:49:25 Nath 20. Whoa! Oh! Dude, you have more trick shots? Fuck, I wasted all my trick shots already. Oh no! That's okay. That's 13 damage?
Starting point is 00:49:36 Oh, okay. And then I'll take my final attack. Oh, okay. I bet you don't even know how to play Uno. It's the eye confuse they play learning. I agree. The cards are really soggy. I could see why you would be able to read them well.
Starting point is 00:49:50 Is there such a small window in when they become too soggy to play with? So you have to keep getting new decks. You've got to get dominoes or something. Something that's a little more sturdy. Yeah, you would think you would have a different set of games that card games. Backgammon even?
Starting point is 00:50:04 I don't know. 18? 18 does not hit. Oh no! Wow. That does not hit. Easy indeed. Okay, that is now back around to the vampire squid.
Starting point is 00:50:18 Tread. Dude, I'll help you fucking knock over the Uno table. I'm gonna 6 plus 7, 13. 13 does not hit. Nice. And now with its bite, 13 plus 7, 20. With a 20, shield's not going to do anything, but I'm going to use cutting words. Okay. So I say to the octopus, yeah, I come for you with an awesome
Starting point is 00:50:46 disc. It gets you so good that it makes you miss. Roll your dice. Come on, Tread. Come on, Tread. Although I do love the idea of you singing this in a squid's face and just blighting you. I come for you with an awesome disc. It gets you so good that it makes you miss. It miss. Yes! Yes! That was our older seven. Good God.
Starting point is 00:51:10 It opens up. So, Tread gives this disc. So, this fangit beak is hovering over your head. You can like smell its breath. And as you sing it down its throat, it like attracts and is distracted and misses. Cool, does any of it's like fog get on like my eyes or like any of the red, like any of the red miss.
Starting point is 00:51:34 I'm just trying to get like a little more like a Rouge under my eyeshadow. Yeah, actually a little bit of blood drips from one of its fangs. That's perfect. Yeah, and it gives you like some like goth eyeliner. Some blood roots. Goth tread. Could the prophecy be true? Now, it's great all over again.
Starting point is 00:51:51 The blade master is going to go after Mac, because you are right next to it. Do these guys fight with glaves? Come on. Glaves. Three plus six is gonna miss. Glaves. Three plus six is gonna miss. Ooh. But he has one more attack. 16 plus six. 22, does a 22 hit?
Starting point is 00:52:10 Yeah. Okay. You take nine plus three. You take 12 more slashing damage. Ooh, Maveris, how are you doing? Haven't been hit. You all see that Max Kuba suit is looking fucked up. Shit. And you're also going to have to... how
Starting point is 00:52:33 much did I exceed your AC? Five because of the beer. Okay give me a con save. DC 13. You have the bardic right? I got a six. I don't think even have the bardic, right? Uh, I got a six. I don't think even with the bardic I would need to get a seven or an eight. Is it even worth trying? I got more to give out. I feel like, go for it, right? Really? Okay.
Starting point is 00:52:56 I'll use my bardic. Come on. Do you want to know what the stakes are? Doesn't matter. I got a one. Give me the stakes. Oh, wait, no, you can reroll your ones. Oh, I'm a magic monster.
Starting point is 00:53:07 Oh, okay, my God. Nobody gets too excited. I roll so bad, everybody. Okay, oh my God, I'm so scared. Oh my God. Five. Oh, no. So close.
Starting point is 00:53:19 Mac, you are now bleeding. On your turn, you'll have to do con saves to not get levels of bleeding, which is like exhaustion, can't concentrate on spells, it gets worse and worse as you fail. Dude, you're annoying. You're just an annoying guy. Why, I wish. I wish I didn't say I did glaive. That's so cool. I'm cool.
Starting point is 00:53:40 You just cut people and you're not friends with people and you're just fucking the worst, dude. I fucking hate you. You play cool. You know, competitively. I'm so cool. You just cut people and you're not friends with people and you're just fucking the worst, dude. I fucking hate you. You cut people out of your life. You like, you know, competitively. Yeah, you cut everyone out of your life, dude. That's the real cut, man. I cut people out with precision.
Starting point is 00:53:54 Yeah, yeah, you cut them out with a real precision. You know what? Just being around you makes me value my friends more, so thanks. Thanks for cutting me. God, I'm so glad that we're just a close-knit group of friends with no issues. I just like maveris and Dave and tread more now just because I fucking hate you so much this is far and
Starting point is 00:54:11 so you know but it also sounds kind of cool that is going to be the two remaining shrimpie more folk they're both going to attack hungry Dave ring it on come on first one is an 18 to hit oh that hits it does a five Slashing damage Another cool scar. I came up with this scars are souvenirs you never lose Goo Goo Dolls Trad So hungry Dave you see that also your scuba suit takes a little bit of this damage and the other one's going to attack you
Starting point is 00:54:46 A10 is probably going to miss right? Yeah Great so one of them slashes you hitting your scuba suit a little bit the other one misses you And now it is maversus turn hell yeah, okay. I am going maversus gonna whisper to his Two of his meteors and say send it at those two little idiots and point out the guys fighting hungry Dave and They all they make DC 16 dexterity checks to or throws mav they rip my suit One of them got an 18 one of them got a four so one of them passes one of them fails gotcha So I'll do that's four D6 one will take half one of them fails. Gotcha. So I'll do that's 4d6, one will take half. 13 damage, so 1 take 13, 1 take 6 I guess. And then I'm gonna swim close to to tread and the vampire squid.
Starting point is 00:55:36 And I'm gonna say to the vampire squid, dude, I think you felt it. You don't wanna bite this dude. He's kind of a bag of bones, but look at that guy and point at the vascular arms of be like huge dude. And be like, wouldn't that be like a tasty or snack? Yeah, and that dude like already holding snacks. That's like two snacks, that's like guys of meal and then you get a snack. Yeah, and he's pretty hot too,
Starting point is 00:56:00 so he's kind of a snack and a snack. And I'm gonna use suggestion. It's a wisdom saving throw and DC 16. I can do it because no one has attacked him Like if if someone attacks him after then it would undo it, but since no one okay. It's currently attacking him I think it works Six That's gonna be a fail. Yes. Oh, yeah Bamfires go ahead once again
Starting point is 00:56:24 Yes, oh, yeah, hell yeah vampire squid once again So mavericks you send two of these meteors two more murfolk take a meteor to the fucking face or one of them dodges out of the way But still take some debris from it and then you suggest this vampire squid to attack the beefy guy, right? Yeah, I'm like look at those look the veins on that guy It's got a guts and like they he's got some blood thinner, it's just something you could probably just really get some sort that he's dehydrated. It's a blood gunner. You see like as little like a cloudy eyes like even though they're so cloudy, you still see them kind of like moving their sockets at the buff morph. It seems like it'd be good. I don't know. And that is now, that's max turn.
Starting point is 00:57:07 Ooh, baby. Okay, so I see a giant squid heading towards us. I've got this big buff dude making me bleed. And I'm all by myself in the middle of the ocean. Any or scuba suit is getting threadbare. I'm going to go ahead and cast Bane. Nice. And just choose the buff dude. Okay. Make a charisma saving throw. Up to three creatures of your choice that you can see within range must make charisma saving throws.
Starting point is 00:57:38 Whenever a target that fails a saving throw makes an attack roller or a saving throw before the spell ends. The target must roll a D4 and subtract the number rolled from the attack roller, the saving throw. So, that's an eight, so that's gonna be a nine. Okay, huh, no wonder you don't have any friends. No charisma. Yeah, okay, I don't need friends. What do you get from friends anyways? Just curious.
Starting point is 00:57:59 Your veins are just too prominent. You're not gonna win any kind of aesthetic contest, man. Yeah, your friends would tell you this is for no one. You look like an alien. It's kind of crazy. He takes that as a compliment. I can see that you took it as a compliment. You look like a big wet Hugh Jackman on a bad day.
Starting point is 00:58:20 Also takes that out as a good. Yeah, I would take that as a compliment too. Yes. As would I. Thank you. Is this friendship? This is this is what it could be like dude That's that's it. So it's got Bane on them now. So that's max turn amazing you cast Bane on this beefy guy
Starting point is 00:58:37 I will tell you he rolls with advantage on anyone who's not at full hit points So he if he's attacking you he will be rolling with advantage, but who's not at full hit points. So if he's attacking you, he will be rolling with advantage, but subtracting from the default. Do you have to roll a con save or something for some bleeding thing? Yes, you do. Thank you for reminding me. Teacher, teacher.
Starting point is 00:58:55 Ha ha ha. Nine. You fail. Thank you. Oh, this is awesome. So now the only, the first effect of the bleeding is just that your speed is reduced by five. Okay, that's all. Hey, is anybody else super dizzy from like being underwater?
Starting point is 00:59:15 I am, but I'm just spinning around really fast. I thought that was the boogers, man. And we're back around to tread. Fuck this, dude. I attack that guy with my fucking sword. Sword tread. Sword tread. Okay, if you're gonna do that, I'm gonna let you do it without getting an opportunity attack from the squid because of mavers' suggestion. Damn right. This squid, this thing, that's got eight fucking hands to play Uno with. It's gonna be our friend. That squid is our friend, dude. We are gonna be your buddy as soon as you eat this big guy.
Starting point is 00:59:45 I'm gonna go skewer his ass for ya. This is the power of friendship, dudes. It's a 19 to hit that fucking guy. It does not hit. What? No. You should. Funny, AC a 20.
Starting point is 01:00:00 I'm kidding. Fuck this. I don't see it. I don't see it. I don't see it. I don't see it. I don't see it. I don't see it. I don't see it. I don't see it. I'm gonna bonus I'm gonna bonus action healing word Mac. Oh thanks, dude Actually, you know what dude maybe heal yourself cuz I'm at I'm still at 30. I'm doing okay I'm just I'm just bleeding and gonna drown but health wise I'm fine
Starting point is 01:00:21 I'll bonus action heal my own ass I'm fine. I'll bonus action and heal my own ass then. Yeah. Can you please sing your song to yourself? You've got to fight on, but you don't know how. Then you hear my voice. You're better now. Oh, you have a nice transformation.
Starting point is 01:00:38 What a nice transformation. I'll say this to myself. Yeah, this is essentially affirmations in the mirror. You know what trep needed that. That's a different kind of healing that trep also needed. And it's back around the hungry Dave. I want to use my breath weapon on these two shrimps. Oh nice. And then use the force from that to propel me backwards towards the beefy Murfolk. And then once I'm at the beefy murfolk, I wanna make eye contact with the squid, and then take a huge chomp out of the beefy guys' shoulder
Starting point is 01:01:12 if you'll allow that. I will definitely let you propel yourself. Let's see, I'll let you propel yourself, probably just your movement, but that'll work. Okay, yeah, I just wanna like kind of taunt the vampire squid. You're trying to like light a fire under the squid's ass. Like if he doesn't go after this guy that you're gonna eat him first.
Starting point is 01:01:33 Is anyone eating this? No, I think he's just anyone's? I think he's up for grabs. Is this taken? Nice. The vampire squid like bristles, it's little like a tutu. I could pull out a bottle of soratra. I could be a first squid pulls at its own.
Starting point is 01:01:47 Oh, a whole-foods brand I see. Those guys are owned by Amazon squid. Problematic squid. Mac, not now. No, this is important. Yeah, be careful because some of these verbal barbs could be considered an attack. Okay, so they need to make a DC deck save of 13.
Starting point is 01:02:04 Uh, that each have plus two. Come on. One got a 15, one got an 11, I'm sorry they both made it. But they take half and that might fuck one of them. Alright, alright. I'll be honest. Mi roll, my 2d6's. You could potentially take out 4 of them actually. Uh, it's only- Oh no, with half no you couldn't, okay. Yeah, it's only three damage to each of them.
Starting point is 01:02:25 Three damage, one of them had two damage. So, hungry Dave flips around, unloads a bunch of underwater fire. Maybe you've got that zip-o and you're doing your torch bread. It completely incinerates one of them and you blow back 40 feet. And now, if you wanna put your mouth on a beefy,
Starting point is 01:02:47 murfolk, have added. I'm doing like a backstroke and then I like flip around and then just chomp right into his shoulder. Great. The squid sees this. It's feeling very territorial and it is the squid's turn. So now the squid is going to attack the blade master. Five plus seven is 12 so that does not hit. So he's not going to be grappled.
Starting point is 01:03:10 Okay, come on, dude. But he is going to bite him. Seven plus seven is also going to be 14. So he's okay, that's tough. But that's just fun, can turn. And he didn't fucking use it on you guys. You didn't bite any of us Next up is the blade master. Those both would hit me. Okay, you know what honestly I never even like the squid and then he's going to he's gonna just go after
Starting point is 01:03:34 Mac or God Oh, it's been hurt. So he's got this fucking bane on him. He needs that advantage. He needs that blood frenzy a 19 Okay, I have 17 right now so do. Gold one on his blast. God damn it. So that's minus one but also he gets a plus six. Oh cool. Oh so it's not even.
Starting point is 01:03:56 I assume if you were using the numbers that were applicable. No. Yeah he just, yes. He gets, he hits you for 13 slashing damage. Jesus I'll just tell you your suit is down to five hit points. Oh Did you all might have a drowning Mac in a second. Get my suit. He's going to take his second attack my expensive underwear Okay, he rolled an eight in a four this time. Okay. It has a plus six so the eight becomes a 14. This is already. So he misses. He
Starting point is 01:04:33 doesn't even need the bane. All right. Now that is the shrimpie Murphoke. The shrimpie Murphoke I think they're not like looking at Mack and being strategic. He's just pissed at hungry Dave who just Went to town on all of his friends and then blew fire in his face. So he's gonna attack you 11 plus four is a fire is 15 does that hit misses? Yeah, okay, so he misses with his slashing damage and that's Mac around to mavers mavers you see flashing damage and that's macarons a maveris maveris you see Mac is bleeding in this
Starting point is 01:05:11 Raying scuba suit the squid is Attacking the blade master this shrimpie guy just whiffed on hungry Dave What do you want to do maveris everything super they cast a spell and everything super blurry now and we can't breathe It's not That spells making a lot of blood come out of your side His blood is like the color of beer that is no good. Matt versus two Two meteors left. Okay. Oh, he has the the pain does affect saving throws on the dude Okay, you know what? I'll just send both of them like right behind him
Starting point is 01:05:47 because they like, it does everything with him five feet and I don't wanna hit the squid so I'm making them blow up right behind that guy. Yeah, yeah, that's fine. So I'll send two meteors to him that's a four D6. Seven minus two, so that's gonna be six with this plus one. That's a fail. Six minus two, yeah, so he fails both
Starting point is 01:06:07 Oh, yeah, oh, oh, yeah This is not my day 15 damage Okay, and then I'm gonna use a full dash action to scoop Mac and scoot out of there Whoa, oh If you do that, he will get an opportunity attack on you. That's okay. Zach, can you put Mac in the bag? My backpack.
Starting point is 01:06:33 It's not a... Okay, I need to be honest with you. The magical thing about the kelp bag was the potions in it. It has no magical properties. However, Mac is more... Get in the bag, Mac! Okay! It looks like I just see a blur coming towards me. I feel like I'm in the matrix.
Starting point is 01:06:50 I'll let you do this. He is going to get a opportunity attack on you, but because you aren't in a scuba suit, his slashing damage won't fuck you over, however you could bleed. And Maverick is at full health, right? So it doesn't get advantage anymore. Yes. So he got 21, but? So it doesn't get advantage anymore. Yes.
Starting point is 01:07:05 So he got 21, but I haven't done the bane yet. I think he's probably gonna hit you no matter what, huh? I got a four on the bane, so that makes it 17 to hit. So what do I add from the blessed brew? It's just one. I'm gonna use shield. Yes! Yeah!
Starting point is 01:07:24 Rejected, idiot. I don't care. Just me, that's all. Yeah, you moron. Carry me away, Neo. The power of friendship just blocked you. Just stuffed your shit. Much like your friends block you and your friend requests.
Starting point is 01:07:37 How did you know that? Social media, it can be so discouraging. You got to get off a Facebook. It's called, Facebook, that's all. You know, I'm not a fan of Facebook. How did you know? How did you know that? I have social media. It can be so discouraging. You gotta get off of Facebook. It's got Finn Book down here. That's really clever. Nice. Honestly, add me.
Starting point is 01:07:54 He does. He uses his action to add you. Oh, nice. You're on Finn Book too. And that is Max Turn. Max, you're in a kelp bag after Mavers just came through meteors at this guy who is wailing on you with advantage. Scooped you into a kelp bag, took a fucking attack, shielded, and then swam away. I think I went sort of towards the door. Yes, swam towards the airlock. Mavers, you deserve the duster all along. You are the one.
Starting point is 01:08:25 I am the one. I'm the one, buddy. Doesn't need any convincing. I think I knew it all along. I'm going to go ahead. You know what? We're almost at the end. Can I just freaking chuck?
Starting point is 01:08:39 Like, oh, actually, you know what? I do have a range weapon. Fucking crossbow. What? I have a range weapon. Fucking crossbow. Why is that? I have a crossbow. I've heard from another wedding. From a different wedding. This was crossbow wedding.
Starting point is 01:08:52 This one. I asked on the text thread if we were bringing weapons. And nobody responded. It's just all I'm saying. OK. I'm going to shoot my crossbow at the last shrimpy guy as a good boy. Holy shit, man You're bleeding a lot. I don't know if you should be holding that. No dude. It's fine I'm good. I'm a little drunk. I've lost a lot of blood and I'm flying away in a bag
Starting point is 01:09:18 I pull out a crossbow and I shoot it. I'm rumored holy shit That's a 15 to hit maid holy shit That's a 15 to hit 15 does hit that's crazy. Well Six damage, okay still stand And then that's tread fuck this again. I'm gonna attack him with my sword You honestly have no idea how bad you fucked up to bring out so much. I really... Oh, good lord.
Starting point is 01:09:49 This is a fucking way to try. So I thought you stopped like a nickname. And his after the fence too. Yeah. Soared Tread rolled the 14. You can't, you can't have to go. Oh no. I guess bonus action.
Starting point is 01:10:02 I'll give, I'll give Hungry Dave Barty inspiration. Thank you. Back around to Hungry Dave. Hungry Dave, you're in the mix with Tread, whose sword just can't seem to find this buff Murfolk. This Murfolk is getting attacked by this squid. Okay, I'm gonna flash Tread a thumbs up, hey buddy. So like, nice swipe buddy.
Starting point is 01:10:24 Like you gotta work on your form, but really just put your hips into it, you're getting that. And I'm going to push tread towards the airlock. And then I'm going to sling two discs at the buff guy. Cool. Fuck. That's a 10, that's gonna miss. Yeah, he's.
Starting point is 01:10:44 It's a NAT1 one that is also gonna miss cool Getting he's like getting these whiffs of friendship and it's like giving him a new dream in his heart And he's like getting empowered by it, I guess anyway, do what I say not what I do tread Right right and then that's the vampire squid who's going to I'm assuming that there's no save to like shake the suggestion, right? It says the target must make a wisdom same threat. On a failed save it, it pursues the course of action. You describe to the best of its ability, suggest of course, can do the, for the entire duration,
Starting point is 01:11:16 which is eight hours. Oh, great. Okay. This vampire squid is still fucking going after him. He got a four. That's not, there's no way that's gonna end up being eight. Okay, Vampire Squid whiffs both times. That's background to the blade master. The blade master I believe is gonna take. Now you know what? He's gonna fucking go after hungry Dave. He wants to fucking make someone else believe. Have either of you taken any damage, you have he's going after trest no oh
Starting point is 01:11:48 He just crit wow Okay, um 26 slashing damage. I'm so far down. I'm so down I'm down beyond down you absolute shit head tread scuba suit is also looking fucked up I can't hear some music. I can't tell us your beat from Beyond the Grave, right? You absolutely can do one last hellish rebuke. Get your fucking swan song in. Before I fall, I sing, you hurt me so. I feel unwell, but go fuck yourself.
Starting point is 01:12:21 I'll see you in L-A-T-R-Dread! Tread! The last song in the album is print advisory! It's an explicit track. As Tread says this, a bubble, one last bubble comes out of his now unconscious mouth and pops with a wave of flame. What does he rolls a deck save? Yes. He's not gonna make it. He's at 9-1 plus 1. Okay, 9. 20 damage. Oh! He does not fucking like that at all.
Starting point is 01:12:58 But he still has one more attack. Oh no. This is a hard moment for me, but I'm gonna be brutal. He's going to try to slash your scuba suit. I'll tell you that your scuba suit has nine hit points left. All right. You are the dungeon docent and we step to beyond the velvet rope.
Starting point is 01:13:18 Okay, so he does hit it. Now he's going to do 2D8 plus three. Oh my God. We'll see if that hits nine. We've got to do 2d8 plus 3. Oh my god. It's not. Oh my god. To get him in the air lock. 7 plus 1 is 8 plus 3. Treads? Scoobasuit is shredded and you watch unconscious tread. Now start to drown. He's just in the romper. Look at only in the romper now. That is now. There's one more guy. He's gonna go after hungry Dave Scoobesuit. Oh, fucking read the room, dude. Once again, it hits a 15. Does not hit you. And that is now to Maveris. Maveris, you see?
Starting point is 01:14:06 Tread? Oh my god. Oh my god. Tread completely vulnerable to the elements. Nothing to save his body, but a thin forever 21 floral romper. OK, we're not bearing you in that romper. I wake up for one second to say why not? We're going to put you in a real somber black romper.
Starting point is 01:14:25 Epic. Maveris is gonna swim over to tread. Take out the gatorade bottle and it's back pack. Open it and say buddy you've been iced and just jump it down. Is that an action or a bonus action? Believe it healing potion is an action. Greater heal is 44 plus 4. Epic!
Starting point is 01:14:54 Lemon Lime. Do I roll that or just tread? Whoever, you roll it, Maverick. You're the one baby coating him. Please tell me you film that. He loves things that aren't jelly. Just favorite thing is food 13 13
Starting point is 01:15:10 13 so tread you come to Drowning Well, you are no longer going to just fail your death save automatically And you know what I'm just gonna use a sorcery point, grab tread and say, but he just get fucked. A couple of years and I'm gonna thunderstep to the airlock. Yes! That's it.
Starting point is 01:15:34 So that's 3D 10 damage. Whoa. Oh, that was pretty much. What are you doing? You absolutely are the one. So that was one nine and eight 18 Yeah, hey buddy You know what's cooler than I
Starting point is 01:15:57 Was just trying to work out a you know what's cooler than a million dollars a billion dollars joke But you know what fucking die? You know what's cooler than a million dollars, a billion dollars joke, but you know what fucking dive Amazing in lightning this Buff and Murphok and all of this cool jellyfish scars explodes and Hungry Dave you're also in the vicinity you might need to do a saving throw as this is happening I'm like whoa the C-Shole Network, a very fun movie about Finn book. Whoa. Really nice.
Starting point is 01:16:30 As the Murfolk dies, as the Murfolk dies, he makes eye contact with Hungry Dave and says, you are my favorite of them all. She could've hung! We could've hung, dude! Shut up, sucker, Berg! You also fucking, you also I realize you also fucking destroy the other guy because he only had enough hit points even if he saved he would have died. So you destroy the shrimpie, Murfolk and then I guess the squid is right within range too so I'm probably gonna do... It's a con save.
Starting point is 01:17:01 The squid only got a six so the squid fails so it takes that 18 damage. So let's run away from the squid huh? Right? So only hungry Dave is over there now. I'm fine. How much? I got a 19. Do I take half damage? Yeah you take half damage. So nine. Mac that's you. I'll take a dash action, go over, open up the airlock and start waving everybody in. OK, Mack, before they knew your turn, give me another 22. 22.
Starting point is 01:17:28 OK, cool. Then that is tread, tread your journey. Great, I want to hop in and say epic as like a gargle water. Mack has opened the air lock door. So you finally can can breathe because there's a little bit of air. There is water rushing in. And then that is back around to Hungry Dave. Hungry Dave, you're 40 feet away.
Starting point is 01:17:56 You have no predators now except for the squid. I stare at the squid in the eyes and I say, there's a lot more beefy mermaids out there. Go forth and feast. I'm just quitting the eyes and I say, there's a lot more beefy mermaids out there. Go forth and feast. Live moss, my dude. Live moss. Um, he is going to take an opportunity.
Starting point is 01:18:12 As you, as you quote a Taco Bell commercial from 2004, can you, you got to do, shout out to the Duke crew. He also could disengage, but he did try to take an opportunity. Yeah, I'm going to take a full dash towards the airlock. Awesome. Okay, you go into the airlock, you guys. Close the door behind you. Tread, you're no longer drowning.
Starting point is 01:18:35 All four of you, you enter this airlock, and as you do, the door's closed behind you. The room starts to drain. You still have a door between you and this other room to actually enter the lab, but you notice in there it's almost like the lights start flickering, like as if there's been a power surge, less if some sort of like emergency condition has gone into place. Tread is gasping for air, having like recently been at the bottom of the ocean with
Starting point is 01:19:04 no protection. Trent, can I sidebar with you? Can I sidebar with you? I'm so freaking glad you're alive, dude. Thanks, man. Thanks, man. Yeah, we can't go back out there. That's all freaking in.
Starting point is 01:19:16 We almost freaking died. That's all freaking group size. Group size bar. Group size bar. You're alive, and I'm happy that you're alive. I'm so stoked, y'all are alive. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side-bomb. Group side Through the glass of the airlock, you see the beak of the vampire squid just like beaking at this glass airlock trying to get at you. Yeah, I can't lose. Loser, keep eating.
Starting point is 01:19:51 Yeah. I got to be honest guys, I don't know how much time I have left before I turn into a vampire squid. I'm pretty positive that's how it works. Let me suck the blood out dude. Let me suck out the vampire blood, I'll do it. Okay. You just need to eat like a sandwich or something. I would love to eat a sandwich It's gonna be a hikki. You're just a bird. You're just gonna hurt trade
Starting point is 01:20:13 Just gonna fucking kill him This episode of NAD pod is brought to you by bird dogs There a company that makes pants and shorts so no matter where you fall and the age old battle between the two You can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered. Now we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's gonna be difficult! Luckily Bird Dogs has made the decision of which pants and shorts to buy a little easier. Bird Dogs stretchy khakis are designed to fit slimmer through the thigh and leg to give
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Starting point is 01:21:10 To get yours and a free Yeti-style tumbler, go to birddogs.com slash pop-a or enter promo code pop-a at checkout. That's birddogs.com slash pop-a or promo code pop-a for a free Yeti-style tumbler. You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay, that's it for me, go team pants and enjoy the show. You are in this airlock and in front of you, you know, on the side that is the opposite of the door that you just close behind you to the ocean. There is a glowing symbol on what looks like,
Starting point is 01:21:45 almost like two sliding doors. Dead center, of course, you know, exactly what I'm gonna say. It's the Gemini symbol. Oh, Gemini. We have a necklace. I wonder if it's some kind of key or something. Dave Rams' head directly into the door. Okay, I see a rev your head directly into the door, you press the button and it opens.
Starting point is 01:22:07 Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! My head was the key. Great thinking game. The puzzle was to hit it with your head really classic Donatello move, using your brain. Maybe Dave's the one.
Starting point is 01:22:18 I try to make my pole over all the one. I think we're all the one. As you guys see, the doors open and before you even step in, you're kind of struck by the motion all the one. As you guys see, the doors open. And before you even step in, you're kind of struck by the motion of the doors. Everyone want to give me an arcana check. Just before we even talk about what you see. 14, shout out to the tuk-ru. Shout out to the tuk-ru.
Starting point is 01:22:38 Dirty 20. We are the two. Ha ha ha. Tread, Mac, you definitely get the sense of this as well. This whole construct is actually a modification of a spell called mighty fortress. So it's like modified to be this fortified laboratory, which is staffed with 100 unseen servants. So as the doors slide with like the swiftness of mechanical automation, it's
Starting point is 01:23:07 not mechanical automation. It's actually animated by small unseen servants bound to this place, a hundred performing micro tasks so that every movement through it can feel more effortless. It's like a luxury, you know, but at the same time, it's kind of eerie having so much unseen, unthinking attention trained on you. And you see beyond these doors, there's like, it's like a waiting room. There's like a receptionist desk, there's posters on the wall. Are there any magazines? There's not magazines that are brochures though. Okay, Maverick is immediately going behind the reception desk. Okay.
Starting point is 01:23:49 There's a girl huddled under the desk. Oh, like, who are you? What the fuck is going on here? And you recognize this is the girl who Carl was talking to and she's wearing that little Gemini necklace. Can I make a insight check because I feel like she's trying to trick me because I heard that conversation. Yeah, make it make an insight check. A 15.
Starting point is 01:24:13 She did not detect you on that one-sided eavesdropping. She didn't detect you. She's sincerely rattled. Sorry, your name's Infinity. Yeah, yeah, for all intents and purposes, my name is Infinity. Who are you? What the fuck is going on? Lord our boy, we're boys with Carl.
Starting point is 01:24:34 We're looking? Yeah, we're looking for our boy Carl. We sort of followed his trail down the depths to the depths of the ocean. Yeah, he was kind of like Lord by somebody, if that makes sense. Like, he said to fucked up text to his phone. Like a thirsty, I mean, to be honest. To be honest, it feels like it was you who did this.
Starting point is 01:24:53 And like, I don't know if y'all were in love or something, but like, I hope you were. I just have to, like, you better marry him. That's what I'm saying. As you are all saying this, like, she looks incredibly guilty. Like, look, I'm, I'm really fucking sorry. I truly don't even know what the fuck is going on.
Starting point is 01:25:10 I just did the job that I was supposed to fucking do, and they told me to find fucking candidates. How am I supposed to know that something fucking weird is going on? When they say candidates. When they say candidates. When they say bring a trick, it is when candidates like that They say bring a trick candidates into going into the ocean. Yeah, like that's a fucking red fly
Starting point is 01:25:30 So many red flags infinity. Okay, the fucking order of the Gemini is shrouded in fucking secret Okay, everything was given to me piecemeal Okay, first things first here. Here's an enchanted phone It sends text messages that make people fucking do whatever you want. Lord people, okay, I did that. Lower them into the thing. Okay, I did that. Put them in this magic box. Okay, I did that. Deposit them at the fucking bottom of the ocean. I did that. What's in it for you? What's in it for me is that my fucking family gets entered into the lottery. The lottery lottery what lottery like the education lottery or like the lottery lottery
Starting point is 01:26:10 She just like you guys are idiots to the um to all of the posters on the wall and the brochures Which also like Gemini Immortality is here with like pictures of like two twin high elves doing one of those mid-air jump pictures in front of a sunrise Lottery to fucking be a mortal or whatever What Mac hey Mac can you message me? Yeah for a quick Send a message you just absolutely said that out loud, but whatever you can't hear the message Can you infinity? I'm sorry, did you have to bring your
Starting point is 01:26:47 candidates down at the bottom of the ocean? No, I'm not even fucking magical. Okay, cool. Yeah. So, Mac, I really want to let drop the bomb on her that I actually know that infinity's not her real name, but I'm not sure like, what, like, are we there yet? Are we freaking there yet?
Starting point is 01:27:03 I think you have to emotionally send it, dude. Okay, my emotions are gonna fully send it. Hey, Infinity. Treads starts playing a palm, a palm you did riff over this. If that is your real name, just kidding, I know it's not. I hold up the necklace. You, where did you fucking get duality's necklace? She fucking lost that on the micro-bruse cruise.
Starting point is 01:27:24 That's where we found it. Yeah and her feather. Well, yeah, it's not my fucking name I It's just a code name they make us use code names Like I said this whole fucking operation is just shrouded in secrecy. Why are you hiding right now? What is immediately going on right now that's making you hide? The lab is being attacked by someone called the bone frayers. And then you... It's fucking wash up.
Starting point is 01:27:49 Uh, yeah, I sure am my tattoo. When you show her your tattoo, give me a performance check. Fucking gladly. Have high performance though. That's a 16. I have high performance though. That's a 16. A 16 is enough. She's like, her breath stopped short.
Starting point is 01:28:10 She's like, you're the fucking bonfire. Yes, we're an elite squad. Right. Right. Right of hers been like, I was expecting something different. Well, that's the backup squad that's attacking right now. And we're like the main team. We're like alpha squad.
Starting point is 01:28:22 So by the way, who's romper in my wearing? Let me see the size. We're like the main team. We're like Alpha Squad. So by the way, who's romper in my wearing? Let me see the size. She checks out the extra small tag. Okay, that's gonna be eternity with an eye. Rat instead of a Y. Do they all have eyes at the end? Yeah. Ha ha ha.
Starting point is 01:28:40 Look, the whole fucking gig is me showing up, flirting with some people that they call candidates and then bringing them down here. So they had to give me a hot name. I mean, wait, so what's your real name? My real name is not hot at all. It's just Tiffany with an eye and set up. It's pretty cute. Still with an eye, it's still, it still is.
Starting point is 01:29:02 I'm sorry, it's such similar territory in my mind. Where is Carl? Yeah, where is the car? Where is Carl? What did you do? What did you do? I, here's the deal. Renifer wants like,
Starting point is 01:29:15 Renifer? Wait a minute. The fucking one calling the shots here. So she wants candidates who are, you know, really disciplined in good shape, the body is strong and... Okay. Are you saying that we're not in good shape? Yeah. Why, is there a reason... Were you coming for us next? Good shape. Well, like, well adjusted. Like, that could have been any of us. Why did you choose Carl? I think it's probably specifically because he's in ketosis. Like we're not in ketosis right now,
Starting point is 01:29:48 but if we were, probably take us to. We all burp up a little bit of booger fish. Okay. It's not easy in like a beach town like salty peaks to find people who are, you know, like not drinking, eating right, but they do stick out. So it, you know, there's not many of them, but they make it really obvious.
Starting point is 01:30:08 Carl was talking about it. The girl that I found was bragging about how she is so good at beer pong that she hasn't had a drink in two years or something. Oh, great. Wait, the bowl cut girl. Yeah, she had a surprisingly flattering, weird haircut.
Starting point is 01:30:25 It worked. It really worked. We don't like her. We don't like the paddle puppies, but we're also going to save her. Why, she seemed really cool. Then why did you trap her, you fucking maniac? Okay, let me just real quick try to put you in my shoes. After the war, with Asmodius, you know how people say,
Starting point is 01:30:43 oh, war brings people together. That's not what happened in Gladehome. It made people double down on their own self-preservation. And that's when this secret order of the Gemini came around. And it was like the five wealthiest, Elven families got together and bankrolled some sort of secret operation, but you know they made it an open secret so it would be kind of like sexier and alluring to discover immortality. Then they fucking said that they did it and then for the rest of us who don't have the fucking money to buy in because guess what? Immortality's
Starting point is 01:31:18 fucking expensive, not because of necessarily the resources but because people will pay fucking whatever, the rest of us can't fucking afford it, so we have to fucking hustle for them to try to get our family a spot in the lottery. Alright, I understand where you're coming from. Like, you love your family, I get that, I love my boys, they're my family. But please point us in the direction of Carl so we can shut this whole shit down. Yeah, you, this is insane. Yeah, I don't, I also don't fucking feel good about this. You need to understand that I fucking came into this, thinking that it was gonna be like, I don't know, pills that my fucking family took.
Starting point is 01:31:55 I thought maybe these candidates I was getting them were them like experimenting with immortality on other people or something. I thought, oh, maybe I'm bringing these people to come get super hero powers. You didn't think that. You did. And with every step, it became clearer that it wasn't gonna be that. And yes, I am at fucking fault.
Starting point is 01:32:16 But you know what? I don't know. There's just a lot of fucking pressure from my family. Hey Tiffany or Tiffinity or whatever. Tiffany, I, Tiffany is fine. I think we all realize after the fact that we make mistakes sometimes like sometimes you You just panic and you and and start sweating and you name your group of friends something in a moment and it's What happened with paddle puppies? I bet yeah, probably probably. I think that's an example about paddle puppies. But you can always change your ways. Paddle puppies can probably name themselves something. And you could probably, I don't know,
Starting point is 01:32:55 do something else right now. Yeah, I mean, you see that she's partially, she's got her Bullywag Scoobasuit around her waist. And she's getting ready to put it on. And she she's like look. I know that I super fucked up like I may have grown up in glade home. It's super magical, but I'm not Everything I did they just gave me cool gear But right now I'm putting this bully wugs kuba suit on and I'm fucking headed to that fucking diving bell Because there's a dock at the top of it with a couple of boats
Starting point is 01:33:26 The rest of my team took one of them. I think there's one left if you want to fucking save yourself come with me Okay first of all no second of all Where's all that sweet gear you were talking about because we're definitely gonna need that when we rescue our boy Carl I see you say this she says well, I mean by sweet gear I just mean like this necklace and the
Starting point is 01:33:54 Speaking stone which is like a burner phone. It just like cast some spell But I guess they gave me one more thing. It's almost like a wand. That's like a first aid kit What? Hands over a staff of healing. We'll take the necklace. And the goddamn staff. And also go get in that boat and wait for us because we're gonna go get Carl. And then this fucked up shit that you did
Starting point is 01:34:22 will be a little bit less fucked up. Yeah, you can still make it right. Okay, give me a persuasion check with advantage, because this girl is fucking scared and all she knows is that her boss, who she's also scared of, is scared of you. So she's like, am I gonna fucking wait in the boat with them? 21 persuasion check. Okay, everything that you've been saying completely sinks in. You see a look of Gill and a desire to turn some small corner in penitence of what she did and she says, okay, yeah, I'm going to go to the diving ball. She points it out. You see it through the airlock. It's almost like a underwater elevator, but I I will wait for you. So I guess get get your friend
Starting point is 01:35:10 and I'll wait as long as I can. That sounds great. If I put on this necklace and talk will you both will you hear me? I think from the diving bell I will yeah. Okay cool maybe we'll just let you know when we're on the way, so you can just like- If you want, I mean, I can sit on the boat and just kind of listen. It's like, eavesdropping, but if you're cool with that, I can do that. We're gonna be doing a lot of cool stuff,
Starting point is 01:35:35 so you should probably listen and- I'll try my best to describe it. Okay. Yo, Maverick, are you really moving on Carl's girl? Right now? Yeah. No, that is not what's happening, dude. I was calling her while you're on the boat.
Starting point is 01:35:49 Dave, you're talking about fucking, listen to us do cool shit. I'm trying to set Carl up. I would never do that. We're looking for Carl. This is all for Carl, goddammit. We don't want Carl to be with this person. Right. What?
Starting point is 01:36:02 What? What are you? Trent, do you think I? Trent, I think I. Trent, I think I. person right what what he trend do you think I try to be like an I get that to with that is like to be like doing like that 90s hot thing where you like take some bubble gum and like pull it out of your
Starting point is 01:36:17 mouth and put it back in Max boys turns it to Charlie Brown's parents boys in my ear yeah okay I I'll that. I'll wait for you guys. Um, I guess. Good luck. Uh, uh, yeah, Renifers like really bad news. Well, we're like not exactly like a good ray of sunshine either. We're the fucking bon for ants. We're an elite team. Yeah. Each of us more elite than the next. I mean, I've never seen her so rattled and also like, no one fucking else has ever been able to find this place. So yeah, you're right.
Starting point is 01:36:52 I guess I should just trust that you guys are super magical and powerful. Yeah, I only died like twice on the way in here. Yeah. If you were us and we were like, I don't know, going in there to fight whoever Rinafer is. Maybe like, if there's anything else we should know? Um, I don't really know. I mean, since I got down here, I've just seen like a super different side of her. But like, I did see like this really weird thing that like, when you guys started getting close, she went to go talk to the Murpho, but she like, put on a
Starting point is 01:37:25 different face for a second. Oh no, she probably did some kind of body swap thing with herself, maybe. Whoa, what? She looked like a different woman and she actually holds up the brochure and she points to a picture of that, the caption says, head researcher, ENID Hyperal. And it's this high elf wearing really dorky spectacles. Her hair is like a little bit of static electricity, frizz to it. And she's wearing a polyester looking floral shirt. She like made her face look like this.
Starting point is 01:38:03 What? I don't know. Maybe she's like a shape shifter. I don't really know anything like about this kind of stuff. Like I said, I'm in Glade Home, but like magic is just like not that cool to me because like my parents do it. I get it. Get in the boat. Okay, cool. She throws the Bollywood Scoobie Siu overhead exits out the airlock.
Starting point is 01:38:25 Um, but over her shoulder, I think she says, I guess like good luck. I can't believe I'm gonna like save a boat just because like, three hot dudes told me to. Three? Three? Wait, three? Three all look at each other.
Starting point is 01:38:41 Did you dare close the door? Which three? Tip and I? Tip! look at each other. Can you dare close that door? We can. Which three? Tip and I? Tip! We should follow her. I swear that without my speed suit. And now, yeah, you're in this waiting room.
Starting point is 01:38:53 There's one more door. Everything's glass, but it's like frosted glass. What does a staff do? I attune myself to this staff. Yeah. You attune yourself to the staff. It's the staff of healing. You can roll 1d6 plus 4,
Starting point is 01:39:07 and you'll get that many charges and, uh. Okay, so I've got the staff of healing. Here, I will do, oh God, I'm so bad at rolling. It's a deep 6 plus 4 though. Good God, I rolled a fucking one. Oh. Okay, it has five charges on it. While holding it, you can use an action
Starting point is 01:39:24 to expend one or more of its charges to cast one of the following spells from it Kier wounds lesser restoration Kier wounds is one charge per spell level lesser restoration is two charges and mask cure wounds is five charges Actually as I read that Mac give me a constitution save because you are still bleeding Damn man Okay, I'm good 20 that, Mac, give me a constitution save. Cause you are still bleeding. Oh, damn, man. Okay, I'm good, 20. Are you just gonna keep bleeding forever? Is it, yeah, should we like get this guy abandoned?
Starting point is 01:39:53 I could use two charges, two of my five charges of my new fucking staff. Well, yeah, dude, you gotta use those. Is there like, I don't know, I mean, like things seem dire, but like, I don't know, I mean like things seem dire, but like I don't think anything's gonna happen like immediately. This is, this operation has been going on for a while clearly. Do you think we can like find like a bedroom? She was hiding under the desk.
Starting point is 01:40:17 Yeah, but like, I don't know. It's, I mean like, honestly, it's just super rude to tell her to wait for us in the boat and then like go to bed for the night. First off, Tread, you gotta stop falling in love with people who kidnapped Carl. I'm not falling, I'm in love with the idea of her and Carl. It's, it's, it's madness. It's trying to move in.
Starting point is 01:40:36 You could not ship to, like, two people in a more toxic way, Tread. As you look, as Tread says this, he sees out the window. Tiffany is swimming to the dining bell, but like really, really shaken that butt while she does. Oh my God, look at the kick. Tread. I'm for Carl. I was excited about it for Carl.
Starting point is 01:40:58 Okay. I guess I'll have to lesser race restoration myself. You'll let that cure bleeding. Lesser restoration will cure the bleeding. Okay, I've got three charges left, baby. Do we have time to take a short rest? Yeah, you can do a short rest. Okay, nice.
Starting point is 01:41:16 Let's get some health back, baby. I could use that. I can't believe I rolled a one. I mean, I can, but I'm back up to 35. How's everybody doing on spell slots? Who has spells? Bad. I have zero third level, two second level, three first level.
Starting point is 01:41:35 I'm just saying there's gotta be a futon somewhere. We could just like real quick, just like peace out. Dave, there's just no time. Dave, you need to stop wanting to take a nap and tread. You need to stop wanting to set people up with kidnappers. She stole his heart as well as his body. Okay. You know what, we have two potions left.
Starting point is 01:41:59 How is everybody doing on health? We should just suck those things down, I think. Yeah, I'm at 29. You're only on 29, Jesus. My max is 41 though, so it's not like that bad, but yeah, I might pop this right now in the potion. Pop a potion, dude. All right, I crunched down that glass, you know I do.
Starting point is 01:42:15 What are the rest of you guys at health wise? I'm full. I'm back to max. Dude, you have another song of rest. Can you do that during the short rest? Oh, yeah, I think I can. Okay. Good God, I think I can. Okay. Good God I rolled another one.
Starting point is 01:42:28 Unbelievably. Okay, maybe I'll suck down this other potion to get myself to full. So we only, we are out of potions and then we have the staff. Fuck it. Yeah, I don't have a ton of spells left. I can, all I can do with the staff now is
Starting point is 01:42:47 cure wounds I have three charges. Maybe we take turn sleeping is what I'm suggesting So like one of us two of us go in there and we fight They're probably gonna like eat Carl right now It was hiding under the desk. They know we're here. Yeah, but she's a coward and we're like strong and cool. That's true. We all need to remember that Tiff and I is bad.
Starting point is 01:43:12 You know, look at Tread. So she's bad. Yeah. No, Tread. Oh, she's bad. Can I just like open all the drawers of the reception desk? Give me an investigation check.
Starting point is 01:43:23 Yeah, there might be other, maybe there's other stuff for their, yeah, 18 for their high-faloon customers. Um, 18, what you find is you find the sort of a chart for, it almost looks like a charting scientifically the progress of some strange plants that you've never heard of before. Hmm. Okay, so it's like an arboretum, what is this place? You read about some flowers that make wild magic. You read about a fungus that can curse.
Starting point is 01:43:56 You read about some moths that the dust of their wings can cast rays dead. You read about these berries that do something called Arcane Recovery. Uh, wait. That would be Rae. Arcane Recovery. Is there a map anywhere in this stuff behind the resume? Wait, can I shout to the unseen servant? Berry room, please. The door, the only other door that's not the airlock just opens and you see a room. It's reminiscent of the Druid's hut, but the terrariums and the Vibarya, like feel more clinical, but it's like this room that's just filled with growing and living things in containers. It's mostly like incredibly rare
Starting point is 01:44:47 ecological wonders like plants and organisms that need strange and specific conditions to occur like some flowers that germinate only in lava that's been cooled by snow mold that spreads inside glaciers and might only be forged by melting the ice slowly at a specific temperature fungus that grows on the stumps of cursed trees, dusty winged moths that only hatch on the cadavers of bodies of people who had been twice reincarnated, some berries that grow from the composted pages of wizard spell books. What is this replays believe it or not? It's clearly like a place that if they're doing arcane exploration down here, this is
Starting point is 01:45:37 them in a tube growing the most rare spell components they possibly can. Alright, Maverick, let's just load up that bag. Let's just start breaking shit. Actually, you notice that this room, it almost seems like someone hastily tried to take the best stuff out. So some of the terrariums and Vib area are smashed on the floor. There's like an insectarium that's been smashed and the glass is everywhere. Do I like an insectarium that's been smashed
Starting point is 01:46:05 and the glass is everywhere. Do I see like a potato that was grown in a bed that someone slept on very peacefully every night? Give me a look check. Okay. Why do you want a potato? That's a three. You do find a potato, yeah.
Starting point is 01:46:22 Oh, a potato of infinite rest. I eat it. It does two necrotic damage. Oh, do you? Okay, no, I mean, it had to be bad. It just had to be bad. I thought it was got a three on the luck check for it. I figured if it wasn't good, it would just be a potato.
Starting point is 01:46:40 It's called a cemetery potato. They grow only in grounds that are cemetery. This is a cursed potato dude. It's a cursed potato. Maybe we don't eat anything in here unless it's unless it's our can Ferries Maveris yeah, let's yeah, yeah, maybe how many of those bad boys are there? Romy a D4 That's a four yes Okay, These are berries of arcane recovery. You can regain, by eating one, you can regain spell slots equal to your spell casting
Starting point is 01:47:11 level. Oh my god. Oh my god. That's basically an amplified super potent arcane recovery like a wizard could get. Can I get one in this period? Yeah. Let's all, let's all the spell casters pop a berry and then we have an extra berry. Wow. So, let's all let's all the spell casters pop a berry and then we have an extra berry. Wow. So damn dude, I'm gonna give myself a third level and a second level. She said,
Starting point is 01:47:32 arcane recovery, moths grown on twice revived corpses. What else was in here? Flowers that are germinate on lava that's been cooled by snow, some mold, some fungus that grows on the stumps of curses. Maybe the flowers, maybe the moths, the moths seem like they could be good for reviving. We're totally gonna save Carl, but just in case we don't. Yeah, I just don't, I don't know if I want to eat any of this other stuff. Like, I know, I think we don't want to touch the cursed stuff. I don't think let's just hang on to this stuff
Starting point is 01:48:11 and save this other spellberry. How is everybody else on spells now that they've popped their berries? I'm okay. I'll say, because this is more fun, I feel like it should do something for a hungry day. Oh, no, it's okay. I mean, it could revive an extra arcane magic shot.
Starting point is 01:48:29 It's only like two of those a day, or two of those for sure. Oh yeah, those are arcane. If your magic shots are arcane, then yeah, the berries would do for your arcane trick shots, what they do for the spells. Ooh, all right, let's get to, let's get to Carl. Let's go to this next door.
Starting point is 01:48:48 Through the next door, you go into a room that feels like really bad. It's like fluorescent lighting, still flickering because like someone knows you're here. There's something going on. You see what looks like rows of autopsy tables, a few bodies are on them with leeches attached to them. There's also rows of glass coffins.
Starting point is 01:49:13 Oh no. Where they look like glass containers that would be almost the shape of a coffin. And then you also see some bodies that don't have any leeches on them yet. I have run over to the coral bodies and look and try to see who they are. Coral? Coral?
Starting point is 01:49:30 You only recognize one body and it's a body that doesn't have any leeches on it. You can see that some of these tables have like little jars of leeches as if they were administering this and then got interrupted by perhaps a siege. I used my head to open the coffin. Wait, wait. Wait. I mean, the glass coffins you can actually see through, so you can see that there's nothing in them.
Starting point is 01:49:54 They're like waiting to be loaded up. Oh, so the body, there's no bodies in the coffins. Yeah, the bodies are on autopsy. Oh my bad, okay. Can I mage handle leach off of a body? Yeah, you can mage handle leach off of a body? Yeah, you can mage hand a leach off of a body Just to see if anything happens. I'll just do that As you mage hand it off there's almost a whisp of a soul
Starting point is 01:50:15 Like that's what it was sucking. Oh, it's old. There's a they don't care about blood. Oh great about souls Fucking soul Who's this body that we recognize? Oh yeah. The body that you recognize is a sea elf with glitter nails and a flattering bowl cut. Next to them is an unopened jar of soul leeches, but they were next in line.
Starting point is 01:50:43 I poker, okay. They're like unconscious, like this is like a catatonic state magically induced. All right. Does it look like I could, have you seen Carl? Can I, hold on. Does it look like I could cast cure wounds on them
Starting point is 01:51:03 and have it be effective, or does it look like they're knocked out by a spell? It's a magical effect, but of like a poison or a venom. I caught my hands really loud in front of her ear. I do like a smelling salt with a hungry Dave sock. Oh, shoot it works, they pop up. Whoa. Can we see if they're, are they breathing?
Starting point is 01:51:24 They're breathing. All of these bodies are breathing. All of them are moving. Let's put them near the entrance to the, uh, let's get rid of these suckers. Yeah, you can start to get the roof off. Soul suckers. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:51:36 Soul suckers. Hitting them with my staff. Just like popping them off. Uh, I'm going to talk into the necklace. I'm going to say, Hey, infinity, we need your help. All you need to do is text Carl again to load up bodies, to load up these people, and we'll get them out of here. And we'll show the phone to the unseen servants.
Starting point is 01:51:58 Great. You can't see anything, but you start to see the bodies. You can see that there's a you start to see the bodies. Like you can see that, like, you know, there's a hundred fucking unseen servants in here. So it takes multiple unseen servants to be able to start loading up even one body, but you see the very first body. Is there a body that you want to do first? Yeah, I guess we'll help out our bull cut.
Starting point is 01:52:20 Yeah, I guess we go. Let's go bull cut. All right, bull cut. We're saving your ass because we need you to be at the beer Olympics when we kick your ass. Yeah, yeah. Okay, the unseen servants start on bowl cut. And then there's another room.
Starting point is 01:52:37 All right, you ready, boys? Before we leave this room, I try to tip the unseen servants and then just drop gold on the floor. Dude, Dave, you deserve it. You're in some kind of mood, Dave. You're going to tie my shoe and I go down and I try to grab the gold. You're a side of hand. 17, oh, 19.
Starting point is 01:53:00 19, okay, you swipe that gold, You put it in your little kelp bag. The shoes were already tied. Dave, you have any more of that potato? Yeah, it tastes real gnarly, though. And do you want to enter this last room? Yeah, I think let's do. Alright, let's move on. Let's go to the next room.
Starting point is 01:53:20 Yep. Okay. So, once again, actually this time you have to manually open the door because you've sent all of the unseen servants to load up bodies. Crazy how quick you get used to the door being open for you. Yeah. Yeah, this is such a freaking hassle. It's cumbersome.
Starting point is 01:53:39 It's a lot. Oh. Give me a strength. Check to open the door. Now that your door opening muscles have acrophied. I rolled the two. I shot up and I rolled the two. I'll be in the shot.
Starting point is 01:53:52 Wow. These are heavy. I got a nine. Just a eleven. Wow. I have doors and open. I'm kidding. I got a picture.
Starting point is 01:54:01 If you're a leaven, I'll do it. Okay, hungry Dave opens it. It's a door. What are you doing? I was pulling, I think, if you're lemon, I'll do it. Okay, hungry Dave opens it. And it's a door. What are you doing? I was pulling, I think. The doors this time open into what you sense is the heart of this compound because you are struck by the size of it.
Starting point is 01:54:17 This is like a geodesic dome. Inside it has the humid feeling of the biosphere and vines grow on the walls and floor and plants are neatly arranged. It almost looks like a nursery. You also see that this glass in here isn't frosted, but rather it's the condensation of the humidity that obscures it. the condensation of the humidity that obscures it. In the center of this dome, there's a minimalist looking fountain made up of three saucer-shaped basins, staggered both in height and size, the largest being the size of a kitty pool, the smallest being the size of a foot bath. But you also see for the first time, the immortality that these high elves discovered. Throughout the room, placed in meticulous rows are the glass coffins that you saw in the last room, no longer empty.
Starting point is 01:55:13 Now they are full of a viscous red liquid bubbling with life. And bodies. Not a diverse array from all over Bohemia like you saw in the last room, these bodies are all high elves. Specifically clones of some of Gladehomes most elite families. Duplicates ready to receive their souls should anything happen to their current body. And levitating in the middle of the room is Carl's body. Comatose with worms spilling out of his ears,
Starting point is 01:55:51 but before you can do anything, he gestures. Well, not him. Someone possessing him does. His eyes stay rolled in the back of his head, but his mouth begins to move to accommodate the voice of his puppeteer. It's the voice of the woman that you heard, Maveris, in the necklace talking to infinity. I assume this is who you're here for.
Starting point is 01:56:16 I gotta say, I'm impressed. I've never known the party plane to be so organized. I don't know whose kid he is, but apparently someone deemed him worthy of elite retrieval. Yeah, he's our boy. Let him go. See? Are you obsessed with twins? Is that what's going on? No, the twins are a metaphor for clones. We have to be subtle about it because saying that we've achieved immortality is much more... it's much more mysterious than just saying we clone people and then they can resurrect into their clones anytime they want. Seems
Starting point is 01:56:54 like that would be really good to include in the pamphlet. To be honest, I truly forgot about the twins earlier and the Gemini twins. I was just thought I was looking at a bunch of twins right now. Oh. Ha. Ha. Okay, this is throwing everything I said about elite retrieval into questions. Where that to? Where that to?
Starting point is 01:57:14 We are elite. That's true. That's accurate. So did the party plan send you to retrieve this? Oh, we sent it all right. We sent ourselves. Ha. Dave, show him your frisbee. I said you that she looks at you with pity.
Starting point is 01:57:32 Okay. Uh, but Mattress, do a lighter trick then. You know what? Uh, Mattress is going to try as hard as he can to look at her with even more pity. Let's give a pose to performance. Actually, performance wise, nine. Okay. You summon all of the condescension that you seem to sometimes be able to show your friends,
Starting point is 01:57:57 and yet it fails you in this moment. What? So she does, look, she does continue to see you with her pity. And she, again, she's speaking through Karl. So this is like Karl's comato's body gesturing. You know his memories have been wiped, right? Even if you retrieve him, he won't remember you. That's okay because we took a lot of pictures.
Starting point is 01:58:22 She uses his hand to pluck one of the grubby worms from his ears. At least I don't think the memory maggots prefer fresher memories. So you know, his childhood, his sense of self is likely intact. Those will be the last to go. But whatever you mean to him now has likely been consumed. Carl is so solid that he doesn't need his memory to be boys with us. We'll just become boys all over again and it'll be beautiful. If you love one of your boys, let him go.
Starting point is 01:58:59 If he comes back, it was meant to be. Take that goddamn worm away from my friend and then I point to her and then I point to the worm and then I point to me and then I point to my crossbow and then I point to all of the clones and then I give a thumbs down and then I point to us and then I flex and then I point to Carl and then I point to my heart and then I point to my boys and then I point to Carl and then I point to my heart and then I point to my boys and then I flex again. As you do all of this, Carl's body twitching as if it's like instinctually fighting this possession. His hand raises as if to toast and she says, well, what is it you boys like to say to the memories?
Starting point is 01:59:46 And on the word memories, she ends the possession. Carl's body drops into the largest basin of the fountain and out from the shadows and vines where she was remote control possessing him, walks, ran af her high pearl. A high elf with a bun so stern, it looks like it's giving her a facelift, impossibly skinny high heels, and a tight pepulum dress with long sleeves and subtle shoulder pads. Alongside, her slithers one of those glowing arcane sealugs. She takes a hankerchief out of her pocket and wipes a smudge off of a nearby glass vessel.
Starting point is 02:00:32 Well boys, are we doing this? And that's where we'll end our episode. We're doing it! We're so out of our league. Oh, we're so out of our league. Don't tell us. We are absolutely outclassed at every level and step. So if you want to listen to our after show where we talk about all this plug our store shop.nadpod.com. We have a very fun new item in there, a limited quantity item. So hustle on over. It is the official Bonfraer shot glass
Starting point is 02:01:17 from Sandbar to Sidebar and back again, Bonfraer behavior. It's on the glass. Let's hope you make it back to the sidebar. But I don't know if it's necessarily going to be up right now. We're hoping it's up within the next few days. But keep checking the store. And it should be up within the next few days.
Starting point is 02:01:34 And Zach, do you have anything that you would like to plug? Yeah, for now, I think just like I'll plug my Twitch.tv slash Zachoyama. I'm there sometimes playing games. Yeah. Alrighty. Awesome. Great. And you can tweet about the show using hashtag Ladpod as NADDPOD. We are the youth of the nation. We are the youth of the nation.
Starting point is 02:01:59 We are the youth of the nation. It's the end of the show everybody and that means I need to shout out our benevolent council of elders starting with Brad D, Jeffrey S, Hal Dorf Rossback, Steelbreaker, Matt M and Jordan DJ, Mavericks's meteors, not only are they great for battle, they're also perfect for cheating at softball which is more commonly what Mavericks' meteors, not only are they great for battle, they're also perfect for cheating at softball, which is more commonly what Maveris uses them for. Cutter W, Jive G, Zolo Dolo, Dillon B, and Shubrit the Mushroom, another crew of Murphot guards that were supposed to help apprehend the bone frayers, but were too busy playing
Starting point is 02:02:39 apples to apples, what a tight knit crew. Danielle the Dasterdly Dame, Andrew M, Beardman Dan, Chris R. and Scott D. employees at Finn Book who are currently trying to convince their boss, Mark Zuckerfischberg, to remove a defamatory news post claiming that the bond frayers aren't actually elite. Danny P. Elena C. Mixologist Michael McD, Bale Nore's boy, and Felix N.G. Jr. spawn of the Vampire Squid. They all have the strengths of vampires, and none of their weaknesses, they're basically blade if blade had to be constantly submerged in water to breathe.
Starting point is 02:03:15 Andrew B, Justin I, TJM the No. Barbarian, Kaylee E, and Elena M. Murphok homeowners who have lodged several complaints about the glass house recently constructed in their neighborhood, most of which are about how unsettling they find the labs all glass bathrooms. Trailer the cray-fay, Jared E. Christopher B. Austin, Bonesaw, MR, and Daniel are a group of explorers who lost their bag of potions in the kelp forest. Luckily, they had way more potions and only dropped the bag because no one in their group looked cool wearing it. Jordan Nell, sub-wort version of Josh the Cobald, Gay Gem, Skokilla, Destin C, and Richard
Starting point is 02:03:53 X Machina, unseen servants helping Tiff and I rescue all the project Gemini candidates. She's treating them super well and giving them lots of compliments and honestly, for the first time ever, they feel seen. Michael L, Kelvin Noodle, Sergio, Salazar, Solomon, Sakurai, Estes Aquani, Tress the Traveler and Jori S, the Mime Counselors at Max Mime Camp, they'd be disappointed in Max because one of the tenets of the Mime Lifestyle is not to use your Mime powers to threaten violence. Dana G, Kalamal, Ryan, Jack L, and flawless well, a champion Murfolk Waterpolo team. The competition is fierce because it's one of the few sports you can play underwater.
Starting point is 02:04:33 It's mostly just polo and lemonated magic-thegathering tournaments. Temporal, Sam L, Nicholas C, Reese NS, Samuel B, and Mike H, Vampire Squid Breeders. They actually make really great pets if you can bond with them at a young age and also feed them live human bait every 6 hours. Matthew E, Colton B, Adam G, Yens, Christian T, and Mateo C, a Murfolk band that is huge in the underwater alt-roxene. They play the shit out of those sea shell marimbas and jellyfish bongos.
Starting point is 02:05:06 Eric B. Panama James, Adrian, the Halfling Bard, John, HN, and Dan, members of a Mime gang who bullied Mack as a child, it was traumatizing but it's where he learned all of his best threats. Nikki W. Grace G. Drew Nasty, Ceci Lulu, and Jay, the makers of Deep Sea Rompers, the only rompers that are also a scuba suit. Unfortunately, Tread never heard about them and no one else would ever want one, so they quickly went out of business. Barnes & Aitor Douglas A. Michelle O. Luke H. AidenrH and Ritterin, the owners and bartenders at Murfolk and Children Brewery, an offshoot of Mumford and Children that opened years ago under the sea, they've contributed exponentially to the amount
Starting point is 02:05:50 of Murfolk beer snobs. Timmy R. Lucas B. Aaron S. Kevin M. and Austin C. Underwater Bandits who are the proud new owners of the Bond Frares recently released Leatherback Turtles. Kevin and Austin share Michelangelo because that is party-dude behavior. Devon W. New York, Steven C. K.J. and Michael M. the makers of Underwater Uno, whose famous slogan is Game Hard with soggy cards. Their product is virtually unplayable. Role N. Mike K. Maxwell C. Nick L, and Karen T, the sports scientists behind Gelroids, the only steroids made exclusively from Jellyfish Spurm, available in buff Murph Oak GNC's all across the ocean floor.
Starting point is 02:06:35 Ecathor, 666, Shane B, Justin Raccoon, Nick W, and Michael C, mad scientists who crafted the grave potato. Hungry Dave is the only person they've ever successfully tricked into eating this vessel of unholy carbohydrates. Robert F. Esmaam, Nathan, Kessamir, they all know big, bad, bearded the mad and Eric McDee, the security personnel who designed what they thought was the perfect foil for any laboratory intruders, locked doors that can only be opened with a charging headbutt they were not prepared for hungry Dave. Burley T, Axel A, the red rain,
Starting point is 02:07:11 Christian A and J, Dragonborn, middle school students who were on a field trip to the underground lab when the bone fray showed up. Unfortunately, the trip was cut short and they were able to get back to the school in time for math class. Bummer. Jonathan O, the Sanjayan, Grant, Ben A, Fildonis, and Dave H. The knocked out, sold drained people who are currently being carried by unseen servants to Infinity's boat. Don't worry, you're in good hands
Starting point is 02:07:38 unless she gets bored waiting for you to get loaded up and just leaves you at the bottom of the ocean. But what are the odds of that happening? Catherine S, David K, Christian S, Keith Kay and Brittany B, Uno champions. Crazy that the game that revolves around one player getting rid of their cards. First has five champions, but these heroes all laid down their last card at the same time, not allowed, but still epic. Hannah W, Kyle H, Emilio D, Frankie Koala, Big Bad John, and Cody C, Super Jacked, Murfolk,
Starting point is 02:08:09 Murfolk always get to skip leg day since they have naturally jacked tails so luckily they can focus entirely on building upper body mass. Aston S, Blair, the bug Blair, Bar Blairian, Pork Chop, Chanel M, and Depressed Demon Hunter, the makers of Tread's scuba suit, they built it to go through hell, but not specifically the type of hell Tread is currently trapped in. Alice, Fincy, Minette F, Pat L, and Lauren H, owners of a minivan that Hungry Dave will not admit to eating, but he definitely borrowed it, and during his explanation of where it
Starting point is 02:08:41 went, he burped up a tire. Janina E, Maddie Y, Jo T, the eldest Barry, and Ryan S, a tread never's cover band currently absolutely crushing at the clam dunk. Sadly for tread, everyone in this band is a lot more musically gifted and they will be missed upon his return. The Bone Duster, Darius M, Nathan J, Joshua H, and Robot CRSP, Bohumi and TV execs who watch the Bone Frares viral prank video of Mavericks's Dead Fake Out and are already developing a pitch for a show called Death Punked. Idrisil, Matthew K, Brent Lee, Tristan V, Demar B, and Micah B, the wedding party where
Starting point is 02:09:23 Matt got his crossbow, beautiful gift, tasteful wood stain and intricate ironwork with a perfect patina. Though Matthew K did shoot himself in the foot during the toast, and that is it for this week everyone. Thank you all so much for listening, thank you to all of our listeners, and of course, our Patreon subscribers and all of our benevolent council of elders. If you'd like to listen to our after show, you can head on over to patreon.com slash nad pod and listen to that now.
Starting point is 02:09:48 We'll catch y'all next week.

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