Not Another D&D Podcast - The Mavrus Chronicles - The Road to Blazing Babe (Part 1)

Episode Date: November 13, 2024

As our beloved Caldwell takes an early paternity leave, we're posting an oldie but a goodie from the patreon mixed bag tier: Hot Boy Summer - Blazing Babe! This is the first of 4 episodes. The Boys of Summer are back and headed to the semi-annual summer festival Blazing Babe. Mac surfs an RV, Tread ponders his dad, Mavrus lies to his best friends, and Dave discovers his life's passion. Featuring Zac Oyama as Mavrus!Part Two will drop this Thursday, November 14th. We'll also have Zac Oyama on for a patreon short rest to revisit the insanity.Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!MUSIC:"Kingshammer" - Emily Axford"Hot Boy Theme" - Emily Axford"Techgnomek" - Emily Axford"The Honeytrap Casino" - Emily Axford"Left is Left and Right is Center" - Emily Axford"Infiniti" - Emily Axford"I Think I Lost My Glasses" - Emily Axford"The Duck" - Emily Axford"Speak with Animals" - Emily Axford"Qwicksis" - Emily Axford"Healing Worm" - Emily Axford"EVO" - Emily Axford"Selfless" - Emily Axford"Missing" - Emily Axford"Deep Sea Lurker" - Emily Axford"Crash Landing" - Emily Axford"Snake Fight" - Emily Axford"Chute Groove" - Emily Axford"Hippophin Chip Tune" - Emily Axford"Acid Rain" - Emily Axford"Sea Beast" - Emily AxfordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey folks, Black Friday is Alienware's biggest sale of the year. Don't miss these limited time deals on the latest gaming PCs. Get ready to stream, create, and compete at the highest levels while pushing your gameplay beyond performance with Intel Core Ultra processors. It's the perfect time to upgrade your gaming setup because these are Alienware's lowest prices of the year. You can save right now and get free shipping no matter how big or small the order and it's not just high-performance gaming PCs on sale. Be sure to check out the wide selection of incredible gaming accessories for every

extra advantage. Hurry though! Savings on leading-edge gaming technology to conquer the competition are only here for a limited time. Shop now at alienware.com slash deals. Again, that's Alienware.com slash deals. This is a HeadGum Podcast. Hey everybody, Murph here. We're putting together a last minute schedule for November due to Caldwell's early paternity leave. Over the next two weeks we'll be posting Hot Boy Summer Blazing Babe to the main feed DM'd by the dungeon docent Emily Axford herself. This was originally released two years ago on our patreon Mixbag level. There are four episodes so we'll be putting them out for two weeks

on Tuesdays and Thursdays and on Thursdays the patreon will be getting short rests and we've never done short rests for these so we'll be having fun revisiting this with our friend Zach Oyama. Zach is back baby! This week will be episodes 1 and 2 and next week we'll get episodes 3 and 4. We are in the process of recording the end of campaign 3 but need a little wiggle room while Caldwell gets things settled. We'll update you on that as soon as we have updates. Until then, please enjoy Hot Boy Summer Blazing Babe.

On with the show. Welcome to the Campaign After the Campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Welcome back to Bahumia. Bahumia! Not just any Bahumia though. A Bahumia of yore, back before the gash of frost wind was air-thwacked,

before the fabric of fate was torn asunder, before hell and shadow fell, found their redemption in unlikely candidates. Oh, yeah. A pohomia of aimless reverie, passive aggressive sidebars, and of course, disc golf. This is the pohomia of four friends from the party plane who narrowly eked out the best summer of their lives by

defeating an evil wizard in her underwater laboratory and winning the salty peaks beer limpix drink cathalon. That's right baby, it's hot boy summer. Best hot boy summer ever until now. Yes, that's right. Until this year. Me too. We're gonna keep topping it

I'm your dungeon docent Emily Axford joined by Matt son of Mumford. Hi shit Can I sidebar with everyone shut up Emily before recording let, let them drown. Well, I got thrown off, because usually you get thrown to, and it's Brian Murphy, and then I say that I'm Mac. Let them drown. I said let them drown when they didn't have their... Kick this dude off the boat. Rhyme's ready.

Everyone shut up. I still don't know. The IPA Bruin sidebar spewing charade master, beer domain caster, it's Mac son of Mumford Of course we've got Devon axis Gilderfang Oh Coming out of my cave, and I'm feeling just fine cuz my name is hungry Dave, and I really like wine What? Since fucking when? When did you start drinking wine? I've really never seen wine What's your favorite wine Dave?

What color is it? Red wine Red wine? What's the type of red wine? Do you like like a Pinot Grigio or what? Yeah I love that That's white That's fucking white dude

And of course, who's to forget Tred Never She said I'm better off Tread. That's just a newfound glory lyric. Yeah, I know. That deserves some rage, man. And the boy that launched the entire crew, Mavris the Unschooled. As you said, Mavris the Unschooled from the party plane,

ready to do one-armed pull-ups like G.I. James. It's a dated reference. It was on TV. Oh, OK. I just checked it out. Oh, nice. I'm pretty solid. Mack, Hungry Dave, Dread, Mavris, temperatures are rising.

Dude, it's hot. The sun is shining. Right. Vibes are aligning. Wow. Oh, shit. I got a little spring in my step. And this summer, the boys are going to Blazing Bay.

Oh, yeah! Go, Blazing! Go, Blazing! Yes! We're going to Blazing Bay! We're going to Blazing Bay! It's all summer for you freaking dicks! We had it! We scored it! We scored it! We won it all summer! Freaking dicks!

We had that one bicycle delivery service and we all rode one really long bicycle all around town. I don't know why the fuck we did that! It cost more to get the one big bike. You know what? We spent way too much money on the bike. We spent too much freaking money on the bike. But it was four guys on a bike! Maybe we can bring it Blazing babe is the annual festival in which a circle of druids commence at

Fallow or cursed earth have a huge solstice all-nighter bonfire and return the land to its forgotten fecundity Duh, yeah, everyone knows what it is. I know what fecundity means. I'm just trying to tell you guys. Max reading out of a manual. As he drives. As he keeps reading, he reads, This year's Blazing Babe takes place in the aberrant waste,

a desert of sand and ash where a stray comet from the astral plane collided, incinerating upon impact and unleashing foul Energies into the previously fruitful land so I actually saw a tread fecunding in his room last night You're gonna cranky you have to close the door Anywhere I haven't fecunded in fucking week and a half what why really? No fab June

Not no church June Churchless June all right. We're all doing it and a dry July Full summer July Let's all agree not to crank it at all on this trip no promises no promise You know I can't turn down a dare well Before we go to this festival where none of you guys are gonna jerk off in the tent. Let us actually begin in the party plane. Look, we know you've all been doing

this tandem bike delivery thing. And you lost a lot of money on the quad bike. It sucks because we all have to work the exact same hours. It's four guys on one route. It minimizes the customers. Minimizes the customers. If one of us tries to use the bike without the other one,. It minimizes the customers. It minimizes the customers. If one of us tries to use the bike without the other one, it's way out of balance.

We're splitting one paycheck, essentially. Yeah. Right, but the gimmick is so strong. Dave, this is really fun because I was originally going to start you guys all out at your summer job, and I had four individual summer jobs for all of you, but now that you've committed to being a four person bike, delivery thing, we're just gonna start there.

We begin on the poorly paved streets of the party plane. All four of you are just sweating buckets as you try to pedal this four person bike uphill. The party plane is notoriously hot. You're delivering ice cream to a children's birthday party um you're behind schedule treads not treads not pedaling fast enough i'm trying to keep the ice cream cool dude dude no one has to blow on it with your freaking hands man i'm maverick's blow on it dude no don't let my breath is notoriously hot yeah All at the same time, all of your speaking stones buzz.

Pull over. We can't pull over. Can everyone here, and no one lie to try to seem cool, can everyone here ride without using the handlebars? Yeah, it's all core. You gotta go core. Yeah, I can, but I just know for a fact that Hungry Dave can't, so we shouldn't let go. Are you kidding me? My core is notoriously strong. I'll be yeah Everyone give me a dexterity save to not wreck into a bush. Okay, there's a 19 deception to say that I can Mac I afford Mac was lying

17 from Dave okay try to got a 22 13 for Okay, so all of you guys except for I'm gonna go with 22. 13 for Matt. Okay, so all of you guys except for Drew, Mac, who gets his pant leg caught. Oh! You were the one that said you could do it. I didn't think the pants were gonna

Oh, dude, you're ripping your cords. Holy shit, I can actually do it. Mac falls off while all four of your speaking stones are. This ice cream isn't gonna deliver itself. You have to fucking wait for me. You know the address. Dude, it's melting. Just sprint. I'm going to hold this against you guys the whole freaking summer.

You will regret this. Max shakes his fist. And he points at you guys as you guys drive the bike away. He gives a thumbs down. He points back to himself. He shakes his head no. He crosses his arms to show that he's mad, he points to his face and does a sad face, he points to you guys, he mimics being on a bike, he makes it so the bike falls over, he does wavy hands like he's doing magic down onto the bike, and then he shakes his head again as he disappears the distance. Did he do anything? Dave watched the whole thing and says, wow, he looks again as he disappears the distance. Did he do anything? Dave watched the whole thing and says,

wow, he looks pissed as we crash the bike. Ha ha ha ha ha. Mack, as your friends leave you in the dust, you take out your phone and you see a group text from Luella, the Crick elf that you guys found on Crick's list, who is going to be driving you to Blazing Babe and giving you shelter in her Winnebago all for the low price of just some drugs.

All right, awesome. An easy exchange, so shit, Luella writes, hey y'all, can't wait to blaze with you boys. I'll be picking y'all up tomorrow at the ass crack of dawn, so be ready. Now, I know this is y'all's first blaze, so I just wanted to make sure you've coordinated getting everything you need to cultivate

only the best vibes. She's talking about butt, y'all. Also, in terms of drugs, I'm not picky, but I do prefer uppers to downers, and I try to keep it natural. See y'all tomorrow. Okay, all right. So do you got, who's got some natural uppers?

Yeah. Who has the sticky icky? Which one of you guys procured the ganja? Mack is by himself scratching his head, wondering what a natural uppers is. I can think of natural downers. Wait, I mean, well, just to get ahead of it, I blaze. And I totally, I have been there.

So I know a lot about this. Maverick, give me a deception check. Yeah, okay. I'm just not with them, right? Yeah, but Mac, I will say that you can open up a group text and literally the last- I'm not talking to them. The last message that you sent to the group text

went unanswered, unresponded to, and it was you claiming that you don't look like a narc and you can totally get drugs. I exclamation point my own text that they didn't respond to as I am up the hill from them. Mavris, what did you get? I got a 14.

You got a 14. Everyone give me a post insight. Ooh. I got an 18. Fuck. Oh, that's a nine. Okay, so Hungry Dave, Mavris has been to Blazing Bay before. Trust him, whatever he says goes.

He is like the man for this. Tred, Mavris is fucking full of shit. I Have been yeah, dude totally tell me everything yeah, tell him everything yeah Well, it's like I mean it's such a blur and and it's on a best But what do you remember well you learn a lot when you get there for the first time that's that's an indescribable One of the things that you learned when you got there One of the things that you learned when you got there. That's sand? Shit, actually maybe he has been. Should we bring our own sand or is it there?

Yeah, you should probably bring a couple. Okay. All right, so we got to get drugs and sand. Got it, got it. Matt, at this point they've crashed on their own. You've probably walked to catch up with them, unless you've decided to go in the opposite direction on your own. I passive aggressively just look at my phone near their crash

So seems like you guys need for people on that bike I think your pant leg actually got caught up in the gears and it kind of it kind of derailed us Yeah, so you want to eat those ice cream cones? They're on the ground you get a message from Martha Avery saying, where are the cones? The kids are crying. Does anyone have a spell that can reconstitute a cone? Because the parents at these parties always seem pretty chill,

and I feel like maybe they could be our hookup. I can cast Spare the Dying on the ice cream. Wait. Actually... The family would allow that. Do you want to cast Spare the Dying on the ice cream? Yeah. Go for it. I cast Spare the Dying on the ice cream wait Actually, Emily would allow that you want to cast fair the dying on the ice cream. Yeah, go for it I cast fair the dying on the ice cream. Is that a touch spell? Yeah, okay as you touch the ice cream it melts faster That's a public okay open bar

I'm gonna sidebar with everyone right now. That's a public, that's an open bar. Can we have an open bar for a second? Because I'm trying something. Okay. Right, yeah. While they're doing that, can I put in my rainbow mouth guard and cast freeze breath on it? Yeah, so actually this is a new thing

that Hungry Dave just picked up from his dentist who happens to be Mr. Nevers. Dr. Nevers, yeah. Davin Axius is going for a straighter smile and was gifted a, actually not gifted, it was reworked, an heirloom retainer. Yeah. Sorry, heirloom retainer? Yeah, heirloom retainer.

Did you wash it, dude? Obviously I washed it. It was my dad's. It was Mick Rithneax's. And it's a rainbow thing so that he can change his breath weapon to be other elements. Right, so I pop in this retainer. You see that there's like this rainbow display of bands.

You do see that Micrithneax has been crossed out and I've written Davin Axius on it. Sorry, just real quick. Your dad passed down his retainer. Yeah, it's nice and it fits in your mouth. Yeah Well, I got to be reworked. Obviously. Yeah, Dr. Nevers fixed it up. Tred's dad does amazing work. Your dad's gonna lose his license He barely should be a doctor anyway Tred, I'll say that you actually know that your dad is going through a rough spot. Really? He's going through a rough spot.

Mack is silent and looks away. Dude, you know my dad is going through a hard time. He is. It's not a hard time. He's having a slight midlife crisis that's kind of rearing its head in interesting ways because Tred is a tiefling. And sometimes a tiefling can be born to two humans

who have dormant infernal bloodline legacies. So your parents are both human, and then in your dad's sort of, I'm a dentist, what am I doing, midlife crisis? He's been getting really into his infernal legacy, and he is now doing a little spell casting on the side. Oh yeah, he was showing me some cantrips while I did x-rays on my mouth. He's not supposed to do that at work. He does that at the basement after work.

Matt, let me help you with the bike. Let's hang out over here. I have to text my mom. This is like stressing me out. I to I might have to jerk off in August September jerkless June dry July August yeah and then we're back around right then got it September I think we should loosen the reins a little bit and just no cranking it in the tent but you can you can crank it well you don't want to crank it in public right yeah you can crank it in the bathroom okay cuz we're gonna be glamping while you guys go over all

these really important guidelines is there anything else you'd like to prepare for this journey? You know you've got passage across the desert, you know that you could crash in this girls Winnebago, is there anything else you'd like to prepare? I forgot to pack entirely, so I gotta do that. Right. Okay, so are we just going to your place are we forgetting these like this birthday or whatever yeah? Another message from Martha and Louise

Let's just you're so freaking needy and tell everyone that someone stole all the bike yeah We beat up one of us right so one of us has to get We beat up one of us. Alright, so one of us has to get our ass kicked. Me and Maverice already said it wasn't us. I'll also say it's not me. Just because I don't want to do it. It's gotta be me. Shaka not kicking Dave's ass.

I'll dip. I don't want to. I'm gonna blindfold myself so I won't know who's kicking my ass. Okay, so Maverice, you have to do it. If you get blindfolded and he won't know, I'm down. I can hear you speaking though. it. If you're blindfolded and he won't know, I'm down. I can hear you speaking though.

I can hear you having this conversation. Do you want me to open up a message? Can I sidebar with you guys? Yeah. Okay, who wants to kick Dave's ass? Well, it sounds like Tred's got to let some aggression out or something. It's just like this dad, like my dad fucking doing shit to his retainer. And I feel like Dave knew that that was an issue and kind of was like,

he was almost going to do a bar-card to my dad, he was almost going to work hard to get in your face. Yeah. In a way. It's kind of like directly in my face, because it's in his mouth and that's in my face. I know. You got it. It was a weird request. You put your dad's career at risk, honestly. So to be clear right now,

I'm trying to understand what's I'm trying to parse together. You guys are abandoning the ice cream and beating up Dave. Dave. To make it look like we were mugged. We were mugged. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Great, then I think take some attacks at Dave and do a performance check. I'm gonna have a little bit of the ice cream. Yeah, I'll fucking, I'll do it. I'll do it too. Dave's silently singing to himself So which one you want first just like an unarmed strike for my performance an armed strike, please

Okay, because it doesn't matter how well you perform if you don't make contact I got it. I got a 15 That misses both those men Take a swing and miss Like freaking neo he's the one I am the one all right. I'll just cast inflict wounds This is tread inflict wounds on this is tread treadle could you rolled so bad Dave

can you lay down so we get a damage for my boys anything please and babe I'll roll that again okay that one's a 19 to hit that does it okay that's gonna be 15 necrotic damage. Oh fuck. Mac! Mac! What? Dude! Hold on.

Alright, he's fucked up, let's get out of here! He has to look fucked up! Somebody help! We have to steal the ice cream or the bike or which one? There was a freaking dentist came by and cast a hex on this dude! Alright. Some fucked up guy. He's gonna come back up like Dad. No, it was a podiatrist.

Okay, as you guys are yelling for help, a little tiefling man wearing a cute little sun hat and a gardener's apron runs over from a nearby house and says, hey, what happened here? What happened here? Oh, I was trying to deliver ice cream to Martha and Louise. Do you know them?

Oh, yeah, I do Yeah, they have a lovely little daughter who just turned three all the kids are at that party. God. I hope it's going well You have to bring this melted ice cream their stat and tell them what happened to us Diagnosis came out of the freaking bushes and it had a friend. Yeah 21 Give me a deception check. 21. 21? Okay, this guy says, oh my gosh, that is awful. I'm so sorry. Make sure that you like file a report or something. We're definitely gonna do that. Remember to say that you work for 4-. 4- is the company, right?

This man looks so disappointed and he just says, the party plan isn't what it used to be. Oh my god. What was that guy's deal? My chest hurts. Mine does too, but from the hex. I'll give you a little healing word. Thanks bro. Treadmint nuts on you dude.

I didn't actually. It was honestly impressive dude. That level of necromancy from you, that is like some serious stuff. Oh, yeah actually, no, yeah, it was me. Okay, so you guys have basically, you could take another job if you wanted to, or you could just spend the rest of the night getting whatever you think you need. Okay, why don't we just get prepped. I have? I think I'm gonna do sort of like a performance art thing where like as I serve beer at Blazing Babe, I'm gonna be dancing in like different body suits

with different colored glow sticks. So I need to match my glow sticks to my body suits. Wow, all right, awesome. Like just to clarify, we do still need to get the drugs though, right? So we gotta figure that out. Oh, fuck. What's real, man?

We naturally, cause Max said you had the connect. You had the hookup. Yeah, dude. All right, I can follow that. You got it right from your text. Uh-huh, dude, that's so huge. You guys read the text? We read the text, man.

Yeah, that's how I got it. And you guys just didn't respond to it? Well, you emphasized it. We were riding a bike. I didn't know what else to say. We were gonna see you shortly after. Okay. Can I sidebar with you, Tread?

Uh, yeah. Okay. What's up, Mac? Why did you specifically not respond to the text? I felt like I was just, you knew, I felt like you knew that I'm with you on that type of shit. Okay. So I was trying to see, like, for me, it was a test to see how Hungry Dave was gonna respond. Hey, Tread?

Yeah? That's two for you. Two for what? I walk over to Maverick Maverick? Can I start? Why did you specifically not respond to that tag why does this feel like a trap Hey, you know what this is three for you three for me Dave can I sidebar with you Dave is currently texting a meme to the group chat. Okay, Dave. That's just three for you. What did I do? Dave, can I sidebar with you? Dave is currently texting a meme to the group chat. Okay, Dave, that's just one for you. Heart of it.

That's three for you, Matt. You know what, that's four for you. All right, I'm gonna go get the drugs. After crashing a bike and having all of this interpersonal drama, I'll say that you each have time to collect one item for your trip. Okay. All right. All right. Can I get two things if I take a level of exhaustion?

Yes. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. All right. I've got an idea for a natural upper. Okay, great. I just tell everyone I've got it. Okay. Okay. So what would everyone like to get? All right. So I need to get a tank top made of chainmail And a leather cowboy hat With the ability to place feathers within it you go to like a vintage secondhand party plane store Sick. Give me an investigation check. Okay, great

Well, it's gonna be a 18 great you find a tank top made of chainmail, a cowboy hat, and with a good roll, you also find a pair of cowboy boots if they speak to you. Whoa! Wow. I think these are made for my grandfather. What about you, Tread, what do you want to get? I want to take my Tom DeLong custom Stratocaster, signature Strath,

and I want to plug it into an AMP backpack that I fashioned. It is pretty cumbersome, but Blazing Babe is all about like living art installations, and I'm a walking one man concert now. Oh, I'm gonna be doing flame displays for you. You're gonna be full Doof're over there. That is absolutely epic We will be in the deep desert and I will be trying to start a party

That sounds great. Give me an arcana or a sleight of hand to fashion this Backpack, okay, so you can be a traveling minstrel in the desert. What did you get? I got an 11 Okay, one strap works Okay, it's messenger bag it is all right. Oh, okay. It's messenger bag it, dude. All right, yeah, I'm just a messenger bag. One shoulder in it. That's gotta hurt your shoulders. It's kinda like the cool way to carry a backpack

is one strap. Yeah, it looks like you broke your clavicle. You're kinda constantly spinning, it's so heavy. It definitely isn't not not heavy. You're just gonna have to rotate shoulders, it's no problem. Right, okay, cool, I love it, I don't care, paint is art. Mavris, what would you like to get?

Well, Mavris first has to get his costume for the trip. He's worked on a couple of ideas, what he's landed on is sort of the Batman kind of costume from the Snyder Cut where he's in the desert. What? from the Snyder Cut where he's in the desert. It's like, you know, like a desert kind of Batman outfit. And it makes it, it's like a lot of fake muscles.

He was really susceptible to like Snyder Cut. Kind of books. So this, so I can best guide you on this process. Is Maverick trying to make this for himself or is he like going on eBay trying to bid? I think he's on eBay. He doesn't have the skills to, he's like, can I get this rush delivered?

If that's the case, I'm gonna say give me a persuasion check. Okay. 25. 25, you managed to talk this seller into expediting so that it is gonna come tonight. This is amazing Thank you, and I'm sorry. I can't pay you more Yeah, did you make that cost I did are those your real pecs Yeah

And was there a second thing that you wanted? I guess I'll also help look for the natural uppers that you wanted? I guess I'll also help look for the natural uppers. Right, so you're gonna take a level of exhaustion. So I'm gonna say you take a level of exhaustion from the eBay purchase. Oh wait, can I take a level of exhaustion too and try to get laughing gas from my dad? Yeah, you guys can totally do that.

You'll be making ability checks, but I think exhaustion is a disadvantage on ability checks. Yeah, cool. So do you wanna go with Mack? Yeah, I'll go with Mack. Okay, so Mack, what is your game plan? Okay, so check this out, Mavris. Technically, alcohol is a drug.

Okay. And caffeine is a drug, right? And it's natural, so I'll do a caffeinated stout, like a coffee brew. Whoa, Mack? Goat scat coffee brew whoa Mac goat scat coffee brew goat scat I mean Pretty sick name. Hey, I'm not I feel like I've been like kind of ragging on you, and this is Fuck this is mostly a sick idea. It's is there anything to like a pilsner something a little lighter

Just stare at breakfast? Yeah, whatever, that's great, that's great. Tred, you wanted to go try to get laughing gas? Yeah, I wanna sneak into my dad's office. I know he's in the basement right now. You wanna sneak in. Can I distract his dad? How are you going to distract your dentist?

All right. Oh, I have an amazing idea. I snap Dave's heirloom retainer. What? Dude! Whoa, shoot! Freaking dick, Tred. Oh my god, you punched me.

You punched me like seven times. Remember? I thought it was Mac. What? I missed. Mac cannot punch that hard, dude. Go see my dad and see if he can weld this shit back together. Fine, all right.

Okay, so Hungry Dave, you head over to Tread's house right for the basement where you know Tread's dad is. As you knock on the basement door looking for Dr. Nevers, you see the handle is glowing red hot and there is smoke coming out of it. You know that he is getting in touch with something about himself. And you see the handle turn and Dr. Nevers opens the door sweet smelling smoke

curls out and he says oh hey Davin Axius! Dr. Nevers first of all allow me to apologize I come to you under dire circumstances and I hold up the retainer oh okay wow yeah no worries kiddo Let me just get out my dentist welding gear. Sounds normal and thank you. Yeah. You know, why don't I take a hot sec and fix it up now? Cause I'm leaving in the morning. You're leaving? Okay. Yeah. Tonight would be great. Do you mind if I watch? Cause like, I'm actually considering going to dental school. Is this true? Or do you want to roll a deception?

If you say it is true, you will have to commit to this as character growth. Yeah. I love teeth. Great. No deception at all needed. It was really nice to watch you say your truth. You follow Tred's dad down into his basement. He welds together your retainer and this buys you time.

I'll say now, even though you're exhausted, you can roll flat. So give me a stealth check to break into your dad's office 17 great, you know the passcode because it's your birthday Wow After pausing for a second you pause and stare at your own birthday You go in and you enter your dad's dentist office. You see it's got a cheery receptionist area with before and after pictures of tieflings and dragonborns and braces. Do you know your way around this dentist office? I've been here before. Yeah. I know he keeps the gas canisters in a little.

So you know where he keeps, okay. All right, give me an investigation check. I'm gonna say this is probably gonna be with disadvantage because Hungry Dave bought you the stealth flat, but you are exhausted. I'm so fucking tired. I could fall asleep in this cozy chair. Whoa. Wow, two 15s.

Ooh, great. That is a 21. You find essentially a canister of laughing gas and a little nozzle to make it accessible. Okay. All right, what's more natural than gas? And you scurry off home. Has everyone done everything that they wanted to do?

Yeah. I've committed to my future and also I bought a hat. Mac, is the mask too much? Yeah, you should let me wear it. I'm just wearing a Batman mask and a silver body suit. Y'all remember that time that we watched that movie one and a half times? In one night?

Most of it was sick. So you guys basically you've gathered all your goods. No one has considered things like goggles, sunscreen, tents, sleeping bags, or water. There's probably a store there. I remember from last year there there's definitely a job. There's a store? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So we don't need water. No, we don't need to bring that. Yeah, Maverice walks you guys through the main street of Blazing Babe, and there's a CVS, a Walgreens. Friday, there's a bunch of stuff, so it'll be good. As long as there's a Wawa, I'm cool. I was going to get a new toothbrush anyway. Tred leaves his toothbrush.

Tred unpacks his toothbrush. Mac throws his pillow out the window. Good. I was gonna get a new toothbrush anyway Yeah, right leaves his to tech Fred unpacked his to you Mac throws his pillow out Good Dave have a poster. That's amazing. We're just gonna upgrade all our gear that means we can travel like sick I'm just gonna have a sub as soon as we get there. I'm just gonna buy a so I brought six bottles of pinot grigio Oh, dude, that's freaking white wine Dave. You can see it's a clear bottle. Oh, the bottle rusted. That's why it's red. Shit.

Why you don't, Dave, can I sidebar with you? Yeah. You don't have to pretend to like wine for us like you. I just, I feel like I'm going to dental school. I've got to like up my game, man. How did these two things, come on. How did these two things go together? Guys, did you know Dave's gonna go to dental school? Are you getting this to fuck with me?

No. So you're gonna have really red wine teeth and be a dentist? That's what inspired me. Are you gonna get closer with Tread's dad than he is? What are you trying to fucking pull, dude? I'm just saying if he would like take me on as an apprentice, that'd be great. Hey there, Nadpoles. you know when you discover a new binge-worthy show or a song that's so good you just have to share it with your friends so they can experience how awesome it is? Well,

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So all of you, Navar is in a Batman uniform, Mac in a Batman face mask, Tread with a canister of laughing gas, and Hungry Dave dressed like a cowboy and newly devoted to becoming a dentist. Cowboy dentist. Go to sleep for the night.

And then at the crack of dawn, you hear the ooga ooga of an RV and Luella, a crick elf with a pink mohawk, sort of slicked back, homemade nannerfly wings. She's got a little raccoon curled up, sleeping in her lap, covered head to toe in body glitter. She's full on ready to blaze. Shows up in her Winnebago. You're at the right place.

Oh. Luella. Luella, what's going on? Hey, y'all, I'm Luella. Get on in, let's go. It's gonna take a while to get there. All right, let's blaze. Blaze.

So you guys get into this crazy Winnebago. She takes off, and I would say it's probably about five hours drive Right great, so we can get pretty far in the Lincoln Lawyer audiobook. I brought Like you're you're listening to an audiobook and becoming a dentist like you're trying to I am And I an elite established person I am very cultured Dave what is your deal today like wine audiobooks and dentistry I don't you're fucking with me as a power three of that it just feels like you're trying to reinvent yourself for Blake not even reinvent like. Blaze, babe. Not even reinvent, but like copy my dad.

Okay, so you guys bicker about this for probably the entirety of the ride. Just because you didn't plug in the jack, Dave, doesn't mean we can't hear it playing out of your fucking phone. Put headphones in. I'm gonna, I'm gonna try to like sneak up to where Luella is and be like, hey, thanks so much for driving us to all the way there totally. Yeah, do you have any questions? Yeah, what happens at? Can you tell me just like what like an average weekend is like yeah, it's like a transcendent Experience the most important thing to know a piece of paper and a pencil

She's driving so recklessly and while she talks to you not looking at the road Take any notes. Yeah. So the thing you need to know is that it's all about the vibes, right? That is where the magic. Well, yeah, sorry She swerves to get out of the way of and in the back in like the little non-ational kitchenette, just like drawers and cabinet. Ow, I was making Easy Mac, fuck. Try to get her back, it's really serious and quiet and just holds hands with Dave and Shred. I'm scared, Dave.

So Luella keeps talking to you, her little raccoon comes and sits in your lap. Oh my God. So it's all about the vibes, right? So like every year this circle of wildfire druids picks out some piece of cursed land, hosts an all night rager, cultivates only the best of vibes.

Then when the sun rises, they light this huge effigy of melora on fire and relieve the land of its curse. But the reason it's become such a hotspot is that the party is a magical experience in itself. And those vibes are transformational. So a lot of times people going there kind of bring their own personal intention

because it's a chance to sort of mirror the purification of the land in one's own self growth. Wow. So a lot of times people come with something that they're trying to manifest for their life, or sometimes they're just along for the ride and they're there to ride the vibes. That is absolutely sick. So it's crazy. Anything you're into.

If you're into, you know, fire eating or, you know, sound baths or cuddle caves, or it's really just like an artistic experience of radical inclusion. there's like a CVS for sure right absolutely not oh no no no it's like well it used to be a gifting economy but too many people took advantage of that she kind of looks at you for a second too long so now it's kind of more like I pick up on it at all it's a nice kind of more of like a barter economy right so it's like you can't buy anything with money, but you get what you need for like the price of a poem, or a song, or dance.

And no one does the gifting stuff still. That's done, the gifting stuff is done? She looks at you again, completely not paying attention as you guys are driving through a forest. I mean, it's gifting but that but it's exchange It's all about like energy exchange, right? Because it's not very good vibes and giving without getting a little something in return So I'm assuming that y'all brought like presents to give everyone right because that's kind of part of the

Though we're gonna get like subs and shit. I like I threw out my toothbrush guys Can I group sidebar real quick? Yeah wide bar. Yeah sounds like One bar Sounds like it's a different place this year Yeah, okay, so there's not gonna be stores and such like they're usually is when you go. Yeah, yeah Couple years ago when we started you've been to five right consecutive Six years ago. I went for the first oh Oh gee blazer that's our guy was a crazy one right it was like on a volcano in the middle of the ocean

You said there was sand there and there was a walla there. There was a walla right it was like on a volcano in the middle of the ocean you said there was There is a wall out there and out that one well well like they they It was like one. I have to take a shit What we stop or it? goes in and uses the little toilet Ever since just standing there like there's a raccoon in there, man, I checked. So as you guys are all going, let's just iron out just for the visual. So you guys are basically, you're in this forest

outside of the aberrant waste. You're about to kind of like breach into that territory. What's everyone wearing? What's everyone thinking? Oh, I mean, as Dave gets changed in front of everyone... Dave? Mattress is still standing in the bathroom. Yeah, Mattress is in the bathroom for two hours.

As the RV swerves to miss a couple trees, the door of the bathroom keeps opening and showing Mattress just standing there. Keep it closed, keep it close. Dude, are you cranking? No, we did say you could crank in the bathroom. Yeah, I'm cranking it. Yeah, that's what I'm doing. He's just trying to like take the Batman stuff off his suit. He's just standing there.

He cranks it weird. Sorcerers, you know? Okay, so what is Daphne Axie is thinking? Just, I just don't know how many more like, dry July's we're gonna have together, you know? So like, let's really make this one count, right? Yeah, before you go to dental school. Yeah, I guess I'm just feeling like this is probably the most tension that's ever existed between us. And I'm hoping that it's just like when we get there,

this tension releases a little bit. And I know like not all my tension is gonna release because this is a dry July for me. And the intention I'm bringing is a clear headedness that comes with that dryness. As you talk about this tension actually, Luella once again completely takes her eyes off the road and she said, I'm sorry, y'all are showing up with tension?

You realize that this entire event is orchestrated to have good vibes, right? Totally. I think once we get there, we can barter for like sandwiches or something. We didn't bring any food or water. What's the market for rusty pinot grigio? Rusty pinot grigio. Yeah, I mean maybe a war forage would like that okay. There's definitely a couple there All right, it's a start. Yeah first comes out of the bathroom. We have some other stuff to sorry guys the bathroom doesn't work at all I cranked it into the toilet and it clogged.

Holy shit. Okay, actually that's- Not fucking hogged yet. That's fucking epic. If you clogged the toilet with chizz. Yeah, yeah. What is your diet, man? It is pretty epic.

Listen, I also- Look, we gotta get our vibes right. Guys, we're the Bonfrayers. We're the Bonfrayers, and I just had a feeling, I know we're trying to get the vibes up, but I just realized that we didn't invite Carl. And he's gonna be so disappointed. Mac, as you say this, it occurs to you to look at the group chat between all of you guys. Oh, fuck. Wait, that can't be right, right?

I look at the group chat. I mean, you've been looking at it, right? Carl has left the group chat. What? What the... Dude, scroll back, scroll back, scroll back. Did he text? Was there a text? Does it show when he left? Yeah.

Say why? He hasn't contributed to the group text since last year No You guys sent a react he would send it has anyone hung out with There was that one time remember it. Yeah, we went we went to the square. I yogurt remember right was he there was there for that one Everyone was there that night, but I didn't see Carl there we had to have like partied with yeah, right was you Christine's he talked to us do you guys think? Cuz like we always get like fights with each other and shit yeah, and like Carl doesn't

All right, maybe the vibe is Carl's solid. He's so solid. We're not solid. Like, what? I mean, like, as you guys have this haunting revelation, Luella turns around once again, but this time with a bit more urgency. Okay, y'all, I see the desert on the horizon blazing babe here we come strapping boys we're entering the danger zone in t minus five four three two one the tires skid as they leave the dirt and hit the sand through the front window you see the aberrant waste. It's a near barren expanse of sand and soot and radioactive heat waves that warp the setting sun. You see worms burrowing in the distance, dunes peppered throughout like ski moguls. you see a swarm of poisonous snakes overtaken by a swarm of

scorpions and vultures just Circling waiting to dive into them. Yeah What? Why did you think there was a CVS? It was I thought I you know, I thought it was a different spot, but aren't you glad you brought that sand? Dave is just holding a duffel bag full of sand. Hey, that's all you brought is sand? Wait a minute, wait a minute. Dave puts the duffel bag of sand on Tread's other shoulder. Now it's even!

That's not- He's being crushed! He's being crushed. Well you guys pass sand around in a desert. Luella turns around and says, alright boys, you're up. And she hits a button in her Winnebago and the doors on either side fold out. Then they Transformer style produce two gun turrets. And Luella says, they should help us clear our path through the aberrant waste So I need one of each of y'all on a gun turret Really sounds like a Dave thing. Yeah one of each like four gun turrets

Actually the engines gonna start heating up So I'm actually gonna also need someone to drive, because I'm gonna be back in the rear, cooling down the engine. All right, I can- She summons a frosty cantrip, throws a brick on the gas, and walks into the right- What the hell?

Of the motor. Shit, oh my god! We're all gonna die! Oh, I have been! No! I have been! I'm not lying, and I jump on a turret. I'm gonna, I'll drive,

because I'm kind of the leader. Mac. I thought you read the entire email She said dude, I dude I read freakin most of it She had a long signature. Okay, so who is on what you guys need two gunners and someone needs to drive I'm driving I'll get on this is on one Dave's on the right. I can do I'll do like radio So like there's a song that anybody wants to hear, I can do a pop punk cover of it. Oh wait, I thought you were gonna like put on a radio. No.

Okay, so you guys are 500 feet from the Blazing Babe campground. However, you do have to traverse this aberrant sand and ash desert with quite a few creepy crawlers in it before you get there. Mack, you're driving, Dave and Mav, you're on the guns to shoot anything out of your way. Chh, chh.

Everyone give me a perception check to get a vibe for what's going on. This thing is all about vibes. Good vibes now. I can't believe Carl left the group text. Oh, I have to do this with disadvantage? 23. No, no, no.

You're not exhausted anymore because you've had a sleep. Okay. Five. 12. 23. 16. So, Mav and Dave, you're sort of like perched out over these sort of like folded out doors. The desert air and sand are blowing into your face. I will say math you are blinded by the sand

I have your Batman mask. Can you I'm driving Tread you're too busy Hunched over trying to get your amp to work. Yeah, I just realized it needs to be plugged into something, so it's not that helpful. I thought you had like a battery or something. No, I just like basically fashioned it into a backpack and I thought I was going to be able to walk around with it, but it's not plugged in. I gotta get you some sort of battery or something. Yeah.

It's pretty useless. But I'm going to say- This has got to be like a Home Depot, right? Dave and Mac, you see in the distance, you've got this warped radioactive mirage of the Blazing Babe Campground. You are 500 feet away from it. This RV goes 100 feet around. Oh shit, we're almost there.

You're so close. You've got the neon lights just enticing you. It's a neon oasis. You're about 500 feet away, 300 feet away, the burrowing worm changes its trajectory to come to your vehicle. 100 feet in front of you, you see two things. You've got, that's when the dunes start, and you've also got these vultures who have also noticed you. Like in a good way? How do they look? Okay guys, there's vultures. Shoot them.

I guess I'll go ahead and... I got a bunch of little sand in my eyes. Mavris, you good back there? I'm crying. So basically, I'll also tell you, Mac, that this is an arcane vehicle, so it's arc of checks to drive it

Okay, that's very good fuck All right, um, actually I have something I can kind of do if tread if you want to hop in the driver seat I yeah, my dad's been letting me practice on the station wagon So I'm down tread Tread, you're like 23. I'm a bit shocked. Yeah, well, you know, I'm afraid of the road. OK. OK, here's what I'm going to do.

I'm going to cast Spirit Guardians on myself and just stand up near the top of the Winnebago. So anyone within 15 feet of it. Oh. Wait, you're making a cow catcher out of Spirit Guardians? I'm making Spirit Guardians, like, around the outside of the car. OK, OK're making a cow catcher. I'm making spirit guardians like around the outside of the car. Okay, so you want to make spirit guardians around the outside of the car. Great. So then I guess tread these first hundred feet is pretty easy sailing. Just

like backing out of the garage. Striving forward. Dave flashes back to seeing the station wagon as he was talking to Dr. Nevers and it just dinged to hell. Okay, give me an arcana check to drive this car. 18. 18? Okay, you know what? With an 18, you like get into the seat of this RV, you put your hands on the fuzzy wheel,

all of the hood ornaments are sort of like bobbing in sync with you, you are feeling it. And it and I will say within 18 you drive in a way that you're able to give your gunners advantage on an attack Yes, oh, you're like freaking drifting across Drift in the sand like Tokyo drift So you drive a hundred feet and gunners that is you do you want to do anything? Do you want to hold it you see that there are two vultures you see sand dunes you see this burrowing worm It was 300 feet away. Now. It's about 200 feet away. I want to hold to shoot the worm I don't feel great about just smoking some vultures None of these animals have done anything. Yeah, it's like coming towards me, but do I blow away a bird?

I mean that vulture is giving us a real mean look. Um, the worm, you are in range to shoot. You don't have to hold. Yeah. If it's coming at us, I will shoot it. Let's light this thing up, dude. Let's lock and load. Click.

Click. Boom. Oh, shit, I'm going to put saliva on the radio. I can sing saliva. And because Tread drove so expertly, you have advantage on this. Your gun turrets are plus six to hit, and if you hit, it's 5d6 plus four. Shit. Here's one gun you're allowed to crank, dude. Let's do it.

Hey, it's August somewhere. I don't think that's August. August forever. Does an 18 hit an 18 does it yes Thankfully at advantage because it was a nat one and then a 17 on the dice. It's 23 Okay, okay, 23 does it so you guys both light up this huge burrow that is coming in your direction Roll your damage amazing buddy is coming in your direction, roll your damage. Amazing.

Oh, buddy. Shit, you guys. So Tred, you are just like driving along, getting your boys into perfect line of sight on this huge burrowing worm. Late breaking, smooth corners. Did you roll all sixes? I rolled four sixes in one.

Whoa, holy shit. That was incredible. That was 25 on the die. So 29 damage. Wow. That's maybe the best roll I've ever had. Mav, you get behind this and you are Batman. Batman doesn't use guns, but this Batman does. Let's blaze. That's what I love about Snyder's Batman. He'll use a gun.

Snyder gun. That's gonna be 22 damage for me as well. 22 damage. Yeah. Woo, off to a good start. Good job, dude. Uh, yeah, I swivel back to say great shot, but I am pointing my gun at them.

Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. It's a gun etiquette, gun etiquette. Okay, so as you guys unleash into this burrowing worm, gunners, give me a deck safe, because inside the RV, all the drawers in the kitchenette have flung out and Utensils are flying everywhere. Oh, it's all knives A lot of knives never swirls nine

Oh, that's a ten for Dave. Okay, you both fail and take 13 damage Why do you need so many shrimp prongs? Mac looks at Tred deadly serious and goes, if they fall out and you stop for them, it means you like them more than me. And that would be three, I know, Matt, too. Wow, that is true, because when you fell from the bike, you were last.

Identical situation. I'm just staring at Trent. Now, before you guys get to keep going, the vultures descend on the gunners. No. Can the Spirit Guardians hit them? What is the range of Spirit Guardians? 15 feet. 15 feet. Yeah, I'll say. Around myself. I think I'm kind of like, like hanging near the window. I think I've got the window rolled up, but I'm hanging near it.

And I think unfortunately my spirit guardians are the Budweiser frogs. Okay. The ghost of them. If you want to do this, Mack, I think it means that you're going to have to get on top of the RV, which means you're going to have to

hang on for dear life sometimes. Okay. Tred, if I fall off, you stop. I pull over. if I fall off, you stop. If they fall off, keep going because you guys owe me one. Okay? Can you hear them, Everest? Sounds like they're getting along, dude.

You would have just been ditched and they would die. Well, we don't know that 100%. So, Meg, you heroically climb out the window and get on the top of the car. As these vultures come down, what is Spirit Guardians? Wisdom saving throw. Okay. Yeah. But why's, oh.

They have a plus two to wisdom. I know Dave loves it. One rolls a nat one, the other rolls a 15. 15 passes One who saves takes half other one takes full 12 damage, okay? They're dead, right? Get back in the car Me and the frogs got this Mac your your Budweiser frogs nip at these vultures nip harder harder. They recoil, but go after the gunners.

Why are you throwing frogs at crows? They're ghost frogs. So Hungry Dave, first one's going to beak you. Does an 18 hit? An 18 does hit. It hits my shoulder, which is not covered in armor now. Pierces you for seven. I got the cloak of displacement. Coming at you, Hungry Dave, still with the talons.

13, I'm guessing, misses. Misses. Okay. Mavris, what does the cloak of displacement mean? So that means they swing with disadvantage. Until they hit you. Until they hit me. Yeah.

Okay. Don't fall off because I'm not allowed to retreat. Does a 15 hit? A 15 does it Try to hit me dodge this He hits you for seven piercing damage and then 15 again You for another eight damage just yelling out through the sandstorm. Are you guys like hurt? yelling out through the sandstorm. Are you guys like hurt?

I'm really fucking hurt. You're really hurt, all right. My costume, as protective as I thought it would be. Fuck, fine. Tread, if he falls off, we can stop for him, but I'm still mad at everyone. Yelling at the vultures, I trusted you. Ah!

Tread, you are now 400 feet away from the destination of Blazing Bape. It's so close. You can feel the glow sticks in your grip. In front of you is a huge sand dune. Oh, fuck. How do you want to approach this? Dread?

Yeah, well, my dad taught me in the Volvo that it's not good to stop short and it's not good to swerve. You have to just go straight through. No stopping short. You got this tread. Okay, so you're gonna jump. We're jump.

You're taking the jump. Okay, give me an arcana check. Gladly. Punch it. That is an eight. You soar sixty feet into the air and then crash for sixty-six falling damage. Not you, the car. The RV. Am I okay? I'm on top.

That's a good point. Mac, I'm going to need you to give me a deck save to not fall. Frogs, go to him. Wait, can I give myself a bonus action? Oh yeah, this is normal action economy. You guys can do whatever you want. Okay, so yeah, I'd like as a bonus action to release my hands off the steering wheel for just one second.

Strum on my Tom DeLong strat and sing, Getting hot in here, I feel your perspiration, but listen to my song for some inspiration. Yes, dude. And that's going to be, everyone has a bardic inspiration on their next. On this next round, OK. I'm going to use a bonus action as well to quicken spell and cast

Chaos bolt at one of the one of the vultures. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's great Okay, so also just once you get some blazing babe things will be good But right now you are in this kind of cursed earth with lingering aberrant energies So actually both of you who cast a spell roll me a d20 and just let me know if you hit a 1 or a 20 14 so I'm betting 19 okay nothing happens great right Tred don't like destroy the birds because I think we can use them for bartering later I could cook I could put together sort of a broth and then make like a risotto. I don't want to eat vulture risotto. Tread! Wait what? We don't have, there's no wah-wah. Okay. We have to eat what the earth gives us. These are the vibes we're looking for. I'm so sorry Mac, I threw out your

risotto to make room for more sand. Guys, hold me back. I can't. I actually want you to hit. Mavros, what did your cast bolt do to... Yeah, it's a plus nine to hit, so I will... It's 11? I think you missed. I'm real hurt and I'm having a bad time. Okay, so another thing that we have to resolve, I didn't know this was all gonna come up so soon. Your RV, as you jump 60 feet into the air and then land for 66 damage, you took 22 damage,

which the threshold is 20 for a mishap. So I need one of you to roll me a D6 to find out what sort of mishap could happen to this RV trade you're the driver. I'll do it It's my responsibility That's what your dad always says to kill Your speed is halved And now you guys are only going at 50 fix it Luella I can one time I was

I can one time I was Riding my bike past Tred's house and I saw Tred's dad working on the station wagon and I asked him what he was doing And he actually taught me quite a bit about did you cut like back off from Tred's dad? Why did why did he teach you about fixing cars? I just asked him a question. He was just super helpful. Your dad's awesome, dude Yeah, I don't know. I feel about everyone else like encroaching on him But like yeah It's really cool to work on the car because he had to work I'll say mag if you want to crawl to the back of the car and like put a spell slot into it Yeah, and get it back up to yeah. I think on my turn. I will just

Covered in dust and dirt from being on the top just swiveled into like the engine. What are you doing man? Get in the car I don't know my dad taught you that Fred's dad rules so now so fast you've taken this jump gunners What do you want to do you have these two vultures you have this worm? The worm is now closing in on you and it will attack you Okay, um so Maverice you're looking hurt. I'm not doing awesome. Alright, great.

Can I bonus action Healing Word if I put a spell slot into the truck? Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I'm going to say the spell slot is like a neutral action. Alright, I'll do second level Healing Word on Maverice. Thank you. Hey, it's only what Tread's dad would have done. Why is everyone getting close to my father? It's Dr. Never's behavior. So one of your Budweiser frogs lands on Maverick's shoulder.

Oh, it's wet. Lies. And then I actually rolled two fours, so that's going to be 13. Whoa, that's great. Great. Gunners, what do you want to do? You have these two vultures. You've got this worm that's about to close in. OK's great. Great. Gunners, what do you want to do? You have these two vultures.

You've got this worm that's about to close in. OK, great. So I'm going to action surge. I'm going to fire up my breath weapon, and I'm going to blast it at the vultures to try and get them to steer clear of my boy. OK. And then as this blaze of frosty energy

is exploding into the sky, I'm going to swivel around and just unload lead into the worm. And if you'd allow me, I would like to use a arcane arrow ability on the gun. Hell yeah, okay. So let me do the breath weapon first. So it's a 15 foot cone. So if both the vultures are near Maverice,

they're both gonna need to make a save. One is on the left, one's on the right. However, if you're cool to scorch up the RV a bit you can hit both okay the cars already fucked right guys I'm actively fixing it right what are you guys saying back there the car is like basically on the way the bike people are like up in the We need it to work so he can flee. Hey, hey hungry Dave, smoke him if you got him. I'm like, Matt Mack is on a moving car on the hood with a bob doping.

Let's fucking crank it bro. Not till August. Okay, so it's going to be a DC 14 deck save for the birds. 10 fail. You're old! Not till August. Okay, so it's going to be a DC 14 deck save for the birds. 10 fails, nat 1 fails, both fail. All right, so that's gonna be 2d10 for each of them. One second. That is going to be 18 damage.

Ooh, Hungry Dave, you smoke one of the birds! Catch it, catch it Catch the bird, catch the bird Can I make a dex check to try to catch a vulture out of the bird? Yeah you can I don't have my risotto dude I can make a vulture broth Great, so now we don't even have fucking rice

13? I'm gonna say this is a huge bird You can absolutely grab something from this bird Just like a wing I think you grab like a little foot Dude you can use that for arts and crafts you can make like a charm But unfortunately your vehicle also takes 18, but that does not trigger the mishap Ohhhh alright Good thinking Dave if you were thinking

Okay, my teeth are cold now Now you're action surging to do two attacks Yeah, and I'm going to blast on the worm Yeah That's just an 11 11 plus 6? No, just an 11 That misses

Nooo I mean you smoked one of these vultures So you're good That's just an 11 11 plus 6. No just an 11. It's 5. No You I mean you smoked one of these vultures. Oh, you're good. I'm gonna do another machine gun shot at the The worm and then bonus action vulture attack great great great. I'll say That's 16. Okay, so you missed the worm, it's still barreling at you. It's like, at this point, it's emerging from the sand where it was burrowing. Shit, shit. Huge teeth ready to sink into your vehicle.

Mack, our guns, our guns are broken, Mack. You gotta fix our guns. Okay, yeah, I know, I'm on the engine right now. Tread, watch out, the worm's coming up. Your dad said if you slam on the brakes too hard, it's gonna wear out the pads. Why is he talking to you about the car? I just asked him about the car.

Why are you asking him about the car? Have you tried to talk to your dad about the car? Just ask your dad about the car. I asked my dad questions like, hi. We like to come around the house. He doesn't talk to me about the car. Do you do it with an attitude? I know I don't do it with an attitude.

You kind of have an attitude. How do I have an attitude? Guys, we gotta get the vibes up, and we gotta do this for Trent's dad. Why for my dad? Is a 17 hit the bird with the camp? Yes, it does, yeah, yeah. So the first, this will be,

as we're driving, I just text my dad and say, hey. You get one of those auto responses that someone's like this person is driving right now. I should put that on too. 13 cold damage from a chaos bolt. Okay so now you freeze this other vulture. Grab it. It's a cold.

We're gonna make him cough. He's just remembering the foot that came off into his hand Uhhh... And just pretends to grab it Come on... Did you fake it? I rolled an 18 on the die for a deception check To let it go through

Oh shit Aw fuck, I missed it I was saying, Mac, back there You might be able to try and grab the frozen version Grab it, Mac! Frozen it'll last longer. Okay, I actually did pretty good. Athletics 18.

Great, you grab the vulture and you get a frozen head. Can I make a good roll? Can I make a good roll? Can I make a good roll? Can I make a good roll? Can I make a good roll? Can I make a good roll? Can I make a good roll?

Can I make a good roll? Can I make a good roll? Can I make a good roll? Can I make a good roll? Can I make a good roll? Can I make a good roll? I guess that's bad for the tires. Give me an arcana check. Dirty 20. Dirty 20? OK, yeah, you hit that pothole. You're trying to hit a pothole. Now, as you hit the pothole, the bathroom door swings open, and all of the septic fluid flies out. Everyone, give me a con save to not be poisoned.

And Tred... Tred! Intentionally hits a pothole. Guys, guys, do not drink this even as a joke. I think... Trust me on this. I think everybody could have used the bardic on their last bowl. I got a 24 and I think it just means that I stood in the bathroom so long that I got used to this

Does Mac have to make it if he's up by the end? Tread got a four Okay, they've got a 12 they've got a 12. Do you want to use your bardic though? Oh? What I said got 12 plus 618 okay Dave youread, you are poisoned for a round. Of course. My dad told me not to inhale shit, at least. As you expertly hit that pothole. Nailed it. The pothole. We're like going downhill.

The septic fluid just rolls down past everybody and then splashes up on you. I run the windshield wipers but they're outside the car. Trent got slimed. He got slimed. This is absolutely fucked. Now the worm is going to take two attacks its speed is slower than yours But it's gonna try to grapple and like hang on so it can be doing like tail attacks at you Shout out to the two crew for the first one, but it does have another attack

That is oh, yeah, that's absolutely gonna hit okay, so the worm is unable to do any damage, but it clings on to the RV Okay, so the worm is unable to do any damage, but it clings on to the RV Get off our car get off now that is back around to The vultures are totally gone That is back around to you tread all right So I wasted my good driving on hitting a pothole and getting covered in fecal matter Oh, yeah, you're poisoned now, so do any ability check covered in fecal matter. Oh yeah, you're poisoned now, so do any ability check on disadvantage.

Damn it. Oh my God. I crit a nat 20 and a dirty 20. Whoa. Oh, okay, you breathe in the septic fumes and are stronger than ever. Why is this good for me? Did you just, you took in a big sniff and you smile I know

Right, I'm so proud of you man. Do you think that's like an upper? Like what could we do I like shit? And now the gunners will have advantage on their attacks nice Luella, what's up with your shit? What I mean anything that's in there is what y'all put in there this morning. Oh, man. Oh, shit.

Yes. It's, forgot that it's not shit. Yeah. It fucking shit. Modify memory, who's got it? Who's got the spell? So gunners, you are shooting with advantage with your guns because of Tread's expert driving despite.

I'm gonna unload on the word. We're offloading in the mud. I'm gonna, it's a D8 is the bardic? That's right. All right. 14 doesn't hit, does it? No, it doesn't hit. Okay, despite all that.

The smell is really strong. Whoo! Hahaha! Uh, is it okay if I crit on this one? Yeah! Do it! Absolutely! Crit!

It would be 10d6, it would be sick. Wow! Come on, dude. Jesus! Uh, that's a shout out to the two crew, but, uh, it is going to be a, uh, dirty 24. That hits! Yeah! Do your damage! Okay, great. So it's gonna be 5d6 24. That hits, do your damage. Okay, great, so it's gonna be 5d6.

5d6 plus four, yeah. Great, okay, ooh. 20 damage. 20 damage, okay, it's a 25 damage to get him to release his grip on the vehicle, so he hangs on. Oh wait, can I use, I didn't use my bursting arrow last time.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I use it this time? Hell yeah, all right, so that's going to be, yeah, that's gonna be an extra 2d6 force damage. That might get him to release his hole. I visualized the worm as a basket full of frisbee discs. Each of my bullets just blasting this beautiful basket, just scoring point after point for Hungry Dave.

Hey Tread, I was looking over at Dave and I saw him mouthing basket to himself. Basket, basket. Do you know what that's about? I rolled two ones. You rolled two ones? That is two damage. Oh, so you still didn't, I mean, it's still more damage,

but you do not get him to release his grip. Does anyone else have anything they wanna do? Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and cast cast Bane on as with my Batman mask. I'm going to cast Bane on the worm. Up to three creatures of your choice that you can see. Oh, make a Charisma saving throw first off. Okay. To Charisma, he has plus zero.

15. God damn it. Yes, he passes. All right. Okay. No. God damn it. Yeah, he passes. All right. You okay, man? No. Okay, so now he's going to try to do a tail attack at the RV.

He gets an at one. That's that. Yeah, it stinks in here, dude. Get away. Using one of his attacks to keep grappling the RV, that is back around to Tread. Am I still poisoned? Yeah.

Okay. You are 200 feet away. Mack, actually give me a deck safe because you might fall off. You've been outside of the RV this entire time. I'm just fixing the engine. 15. You're hanging on.

What level spell did you put in to get the speed back up? I did it at one, but if I have to do it at higher, I can do that. You need two to get it back up. I'll do a two then. Okay, so it's back up at full speed. Tread, what would you like to do? I'm gonna crack a window just to try to get some of this

snow out of the car. And I'll just keep on driving, I guess. That's a 16 and shout out to the two crew. Shout out to the two crew, what does that become? It becomes a six. Okay, your gunners have disadvantage on their attacks. Sorry guys, I'm covered in Navras's shit or cum. And it's kind of making me a worse driver

Like I had any idea this would happen Shout out to the number two crew I'm gonna say to you guys that you are so close however I don't know if you want to roll up and bring this worm into the blazing babe campground Keep the break down and just let the RV ride off into the sunset I just got I'm just gonna be our second vehicle abandoned. Yeah, can't use I mean it's covered in it's covered in shit Right, it's pretty broken. Yeah, the guns are fucked up RV The RV is where you are supposed. We don't have a place to sleep

The RV is where you are supposed to be sleeping. We don't have a place to sleep. I had to hit a freaking bottle like I shit everywhere. I'm gonna bonus action, uh, quicken spell and do scorching ray on the worm. Okay, six. I'm gonna hype him up. Oh, you fucked up. You fucked up. My guy's gonna do his ray now. 22 on the first one to hit. Hits. Uh, 24 on the second one.

Hits. 11 on the third one. Misses. Okay, first Ray. On my first Scorching Ray, I did five damage. I'm using my elemental affinity to add five to that. Six. Okay, so 15. So that was 10 on that first Ray,

because it's five plus five. Okay, five plus five, so it's 10. And then second ray, eight. So 18 points of damage. Can I do anything to- Okay, yeah, no, I mean, that's good. The number to get the worm to release its grip is 25. So is there anything else you guys wanna do to get there?

Can I make a spell attack? Yeah. Okay. Go for it a spell attack? Yeah. OK. Go for it. All right. Windows cracked. I'm going to target the worm. And I'm going to say, listen up, motherfucker. Here's the sitch.

You're about to get hit by a bolt from a witch. And I'm going to cast witch bolts. OK. The worm took 18 points of damage. If you can hit 25 damage, then he will release his grip on the RV. Yes. Come on. Can we say that Matt got back inside? No, in fact, give me a dexterity save.

What? For what? We didn't hit anything. Matt, get in here, man. We didn't hit anything. 15. Yeah, okay, you're fine We didn't hit anything. 15. Yeah, OK.

You're fine. You keep hanging on. OK. You've got to get inside, dude. What are you doing out there, man? It's just that once you commit to being outside, it's hard to move out here. That's a 26 to hit.

That hits. Woo. 3D12. Wow. Good rolls. Wow. Yeah. 31 damage. 31 damage?!

Holy shit! That's a bolt from a witch! Wow! Okay, you guys, so you guys see Tread abandons driving, leans out the window narrow listen narrowly missing Mac Oh, thanks onto the side onto a little ladder shoots a witch bolt this worm recoils loses its grip and your RV slides into the campground

Please never said to keep the hands at ten and two but that was just around the cul-de-sac It wasn't when like a dad makes you call him dr. Nevers Would you call your dad? Cold dad Fred that was daddy sometimes absolutely sick. I should dude. I think you're ready for your permit You could drive like with another adult in the car, that's not You could drive like with another adult in the car that's not your dad. Alright? Yeah. We'd drive with you dude.

Yeah. You can hang out with my dad too if you want. I don't want to hang out with your dad and you guys want to hang out with mine. So you guys, you arrive kicking up sand which like creates a crazy mist. You guys look so badass arriving. The sun is setting over the desert. It's bleeding purples and reds into the sky. The night is brewing.

In front of you, you see the crater that was left by this astral impact, and inside of it is a huge fucking party. Oh, shit. Can we barter someone for a shower? You actually can. Awesome. People from all over Bohemia are setting up

richly fabriced, colorful tents and camper vans at the heart of the Blazing Babe Festival. The campground is circular. It almost looks like a sundial with a huge effigy of melora in the middle made of twigs and some kind of plant growth spell. Wildfire druids are juggling and eating fire. Warforged are blowing little glass trinkets at the forge. A gnome with goggles and a bandana plays with flaming devil sticks. Everyone is dressed to the nines. You guys in all your costumes, what are you wearing?

Silver bodysuit and a Batman mask. Okay, what about you, Tread? I was black denim jeans. Okay, you don't fit in. What are you wearing? Sort of a Snyder cut Batman costume without all the Batman stuff on it. Okay.

What's left it's sort of just like a gray suit a gray suit with like a brown duster What about you hungry Dave? Dave's got his leather cowboy hat. He did snag a feather from the vulture to put into it. Oh, that's sick That's actually really safe looks really good. Yeah. So all of you except for Tred. He's wearing jeans and an amp. Totally fit in because everyone is like dressed to the nines in like glittering body suits, tasseled top hats, capes, fishnets, feather boas, booty shorts. There's a large kinetic sculpture of a dragon

that's like roaring fire. There's glass tubes of nannerflies that hum and glow, spelling out vibey messages like, be here and like, get lost to find yourself. Hi, we're looking for a Gleen Rean. And as you know what, as you all arrive, everyone give me a perception check. Alright. Okay, I don't see a Dwayne Reed.

Yeah, so you're all looking for a Dwayne Reed I'm assuming. Wow, that's a 19 on the die. Settle for a right-aid. 24. 17. 17. 8. 8! Yes, Gunners! Gunners

So the Gunners just still have like tons of sand in their eyes because they did not read the Blazing Bay Memo and they don't have goggles I'm using this peanut grease here to like get it out of my eyes It's mostly rust But the driver and Mac who's been surfing this RV

the entire time You both kind of behold this whole experience Mac who's been surfing this RV the entire time. I've been working on the engine. You both kind of behold this whole experience. There's strobing fungus on the floor. Mac starts doing that dance where it's like you have an invisible orb in your hand. Pass it to me. Pass it to Tred.

Pass it to Tred. Tred does it around the back. You want it, Mara? Yeah, toss it this way. Throw it to Mara. Don't throw it to me. I'll drop it And he somehow fumbles you drop the invisible or Where is it Dave steps on it?

I'm gonna say Mac you with a 17 you see something you see a group of dryads Okay wearing camelbacks That are full of something called Tris's hard seltzer. What? The fey seltzer sensation that has been sweeping Bohemia. Oh my god, this is so corporate. This is so awesome. This is so fucking corporate.

I could go for a fucking seltzer right now. I started yelling, corporations go! Hey. The vibes are off! Your vibes are off! Your vibes are off! I tackle Mac. You're the one yelling at everyone.

Tread with a 24, you see a man, human man, glasses, a mustache, an ill-fitting t-shirt that says, better late than never's, which you know to be the name of your dad's midlife crisis, it's never too late to learn magic club. Doctor Never? It's your dad. Why is my dad here?

You do dad's if you would be. He's here with a bunch of other sort of middle-aged people who are getting in touch with magic late in their life. No? Dave Waves. There's corporations and dads and blazing babe. Okay, this place has jumped the fucking shark. Now you're on my side, Joe! Yeah, no, I'm on your fucking dad's side!

Just because your fucking cool as dads here. Not cool. Maverick, was it better when you came last time? Yeah, pretty much better. Emerging from the smoking RV is Luella and she's like, that was a ride. Y'all did a good job. I kept the engine cold. Like I said, I would now there's a little subject of payment.

Hmm, right. I know we liaise on Crixliss that y'all will be paying me in drugs, so I'm ready to get fucked up, so hand them over. Okay. I think you're gonna love what we got. Yeah. So caffeine is a drug. And beer is a drug and Beer is a drug if someone asks you for drugs and you give them a beer, okay? But it's like a controlled substance like uh That's sidebar with that

Wine bar, okay, I also have I took laughing gas for my dad Incredible that's awesome. Okay, dude, but your dad's here. What if he sees people with laughing gas for my dad. Incredible. That's awesome. Dude, but your dad's here. What if he sees people with laughing gas and then sees you? That's all right. We'll distract Tred's dad and he can get the laughing gas to- What are you gonna do to distract Tred?

How about you don't talk to my dad? You can't tell me not to talk to your dad, dude. He's distracted enough. I'll talk to your fucking dad if I want to. While you guys argue, Luella says, you know what? Why don't y'all just make sure to get me some real drugs and then you can use my RV. And she clicks a little button and the RV locks. Wait, wait, wait.

And she locks into Blazing Babe and that's where we'll end the first half. Alright, okay. and that's where we'll end the first half! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo We had no idea that Tread's dad was going to be important. We talked about him so much. So great, now we can go over and see if he'll shelter us. I was really like, I guess I wish I just had more time with Tread's dad to develop a relationship. I was feeling a little jealous. We're going to have to get in there next time. I'm really excited to get into it with Tread's dad.

That was a hate gum podcast. You're gonna have to get in there next time. I'm really excited to get into it with Tred's dad.