Not Another D&D Podcast - Tortle Tank: Birthday Spells, Necromantic Healers and The Potion of Last Resort

Episode Date: April 4, 2025

Welcome to Tortle Tank, the show where the world's richest reptiles review your D&D homebrew and decide whether or not to invest their hard-earned eggs. This week, the Torts hear pitches about in-game birthdays, reclassifying healing spells, and a death-defying potion that could help kick your home game into high gear. Let's dive right in!Check out the digital version of Caldwell's Instant Minion Generator here! (Thanks Reed W!)CREDITSProduction and Editing by Trevor LyonEXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https:// nordvpn.com/naddpod Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guarantee!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to Tortle Tank, everyone. Look, look, look. That's right glug, glug, glug. That's right, the Tortles are in the tank. We're hoping not to get lost there, but we're ready to hear your pitches and decide if it works for our eggs. So let's begin.

Shallow hatchlings and shall go to Tortle Tank to show for those who think outside the box. Turtle. I know, I was waiting for you guys. Sorry, I jumped in. You stepped on it. I'm Shell Millie Axford, with me today are Brian Serfee, called Shell Tanner, and celebrity guest, Jake Turtwitz.

Dang. Wow. Celebrity. Turtwitz has celebrity guests. I'm honored. Turtwits just sounds like a nickname you would have had in high school that you would have hated. Was it? Shut up! Shut up!

Who told you? Who told you? Don't remind the bullies. He had a huge backpack and everyone called him Turtwits. Whoa, could you imagine? All right, Turtles, let's dive in. This concept comes from Jester the Cleric. Tortles, I come bearing an addition to the ceremony spell

to allow for some fun in game birthday celebrations. Yes. Okay. Ceremony birthday writing. The verbal component of this spell is singing the happy birthday song. When you cast the spell, you conjure a birthday cake, the flavor and look of which is determined by the birthday person. The candles on the cake magically stay lit until blown out by the birthday person, but the cake disappears at the next dawn. When

the candles are blown out, the person gets a single luck point that must be spent by the next dawn or else it disappears. At the DM's discretion, this person may instead make a single wish when blowing out the candles, the extent and effect of which is to be determined by the DM. A creature can benefit from this right only once per year and only on their birthday." Wow. How often are you playing on your birthday? Oh, no, no, no. I think that the character. The character's birthday, right? Yeah. Do you guys remember the D&D court case that we had about the character that wanted their birthday

to be a bigger deal? Yeah. Yeah. I brought this up to try to really lean into that one if we ever start ruling. Yeah. This is perfect. Cause like, yeah, if you've got a character

who's whining about their birthday, you just hit him with the birthday spell, hit him with the ceremony. This one though, this one to me stuck out because I was like, ceremony, it's a first level spell, it just gives you a little tiny boon. There should be more ceremonies. Absolutely.

So I like this. There should be birthdays. I think it'd be a funny character moment actually to celebrate a birthday. Yeah, and you only get one a year. Yeah. Which means like, in a campaign, I feel like an entire campaign.

Is we're coming out into a birthday? I'm a campaign, I'd be like an entire campaign. I'm sorry everyone. I'm gonna have to be the no-chortle-tortle here. I am gonna say you got a group of five or six people. How often are you playing? You're playing maybe once a month, okay? We're gonna have each one of those people is gonna have a birthday.

We're gonna be celebrating birthdays every other one. What do you mean? What do you mean not necessarily? Because in my opinion, a campaign can often like last for a hundred episodes and be like three weeks. That's true. Oh, good point.

Yeah. Time moves very differently. You have to write down during character creation when you were created. Your birthday. Character creation begins with character conception. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know.

It just feels like a lot. It feels like a lot of birthdays. I don't know that we need them. Well, just the, yeah, I don't know. It just feels like a lot. It feels like a lot of birthdays. I don't know that we need them. Well, I think, all right, we're gonna go ahead and need to modify the spell already to do a joint birthday spell. And that's where everyone says, we're all gonna meet up at this bar.

No gifts, please. We are gonna get a cake. We're gonna maybe, there's a taco truck nearby. It's just gonna be a low key thing. It's gonna be a low key thing. I think this one gives me the frightened condition. I can't deal with this level of social expectation and logistics coming together.

I fucking love it. I'm rooting around right now for a D12 so I can figure out my character's birthday. Okay, if you roll for birthday, and you keep them honest. That's interesting. I like that. That's interesting.

A D12. Oh my God, I got an eight. The same month of my actual birthday. Okay, now. A D12. Oh my God, I got an eight. You got an eight. The same month of my actual birthday. Okay, now roll three D20s to find out what day. Okay, can somebody pass me some time? Okay, two, I'm a February birthday. And I am, oh God, I statistically rolled,

wait, no, it should be two D20s. I was wrong when I said three D20s. Well, with three, I still got August 19th. August 19th is only 14 days off my actual birthday. I think this is locked up. Okay, I'm February 24th. How romantic is that? So romantic.

10 days after Valentine's day, are you kidding me? Wow. You could technically get an easier reservation. Love is still in the air. Yeah. Love is still in the air. There. Love is still in the air. There's leftover chocolate that you're worried about your cat eating.

Roll a D 2000 to decide the year now. Okay, okay. To decide the year, D 2000? You know what? No, no, no, I'm gonna roll a D 100, a D 100, a D 10. What? And then another D 100. Somebody 100, a D 10. What? And then another D 100.

Somebody sent us some D 30s and I wish we had them now. I actually really confused the second I said all that, Matt. I bailed on it. Can I say my birthday is now apparently November 15th, which is just way too close to Thanksgiving. So I think you need like a ceremonial Thanksgiving spell

and that's gonna solve all of this. This just goes back to my joint birthday idea. Murph, are you rubbing your eyes? Cause you love it. He can't believe his eyes. Murph, I have a question. Is it the idea of expanding different rights to the ceremony spell or is it that's- It's specifically the birthday.

Well, you're a birthday Grinch. I'm a birthday Grinch right now. It's just too many birthdays. I just don't trust that there are enough sessions in the year. You're going to be singing happy birthday like every other session. Mine's in August, Emily's is in February, and Coldwell's in November. But you're still going to, you're going to game it so that everyone gets one. Otherwise it's not fair. You're not. You're just going to celebrate like one character's birthday. Yeah. You as the DM, roll a D12 to find out what month. So, okay, so I get what you're saying.

So like the entirety of campaign one took place over a few months. Exactly. Okay, so actually I rolled an eight on the D12. So it is August. So Jake will be having a birthday. Jake's character will be having a birthday. And depending on how long it goes, Colt will's character might, at the climax of the campaign, Wow. have a birthday. Jake's character will be having a birthday. And depending on how long it goes, Coldwell's character might, at the climax of the campaign,

have a birthday. Wow, it's just looking at my birthdays. Can you imagine the night before the final battle and you whip out that birthday cake? This campaign is just so, it's just so birthday focused. It's so birthday focused. I also don't know if I'm willing to play, knowing that my birthday won't get celebrated.

That's exactly it. I feel like, I don't trust, if I'm willing to play knowing my birthday won't get celebrated. That's exactly it. I feel like I don't trust, if I'm the DM, if I'm a player, I feel like this is kind of cool. If I'm the DM, I don't trust that you guys don't make your birthday. That's how you leave it up to chance. Yeah. I guess you leave it up to chance.

The caveat is that birthdays must be left up to chance. I just imagine everyone being so obsessed with it being their birthday, constantly singing happy birthday. People like metagaming to get birthday buffs. Okay, okay, what if we just change this though to be that the ceremony spell, you should be able to pitch to your DM. I just find out that it's this character's birthday.

It just came up naturally organically in the context of the campaign, which we have had. We have had an organic birthday come up on the campaign. So you can't be against that. No, I'm not. But the reason I'm not against that is because that was a cool organic moment that served the story. If I had been like, great, Beverly gets a luck point now and gets all this, there would be that little question mark

of like, did he just meta game that so that he would do better in his fight? Do you think, Jake, do you think Hardwound and Moonshine would have been like, that's so great you got my birthday. The answer is yes. I was also born today. You guys.

Moonshine, twins? I cannot be trusted with birthdays. I don't trust players with birthdays. This does not work for my eggs. Murph does bring up a good point though, because players love to ask, when are we leveling up? And they are just going to absolutely be texting the DM, when is my birthday?

When is my birthday? Can it be my birthday, please? I think this could work. I do agree with the, if you randomly roll to see when your birthday is, birthday might just happen to happen during the campaign. That's fine. Still not investing in this. I am the birthday Grinch. So I am folding my arms and leaning back. I think it's really fun. I think for me, it's either got to be the joint birthday spell or maybe you make it like a higher level version of the ceremony

spell because first level slots you can blast those out pretty quickly but if it's like a like fourth level slot or something like that. I want to say ceremony is like an hour to... It is a ritual spell well or not a ritual it's a it can be it's a casting time one hour so like you can't just... Casting time one hour so you can't really blast it out like too much. Right because you have to plan the party yeah you gotta like go go to the Baskin Robbins and pick up the cake. Sure. I think what I like about this though is just expanding

because as someone who studied the value of religious rituals in our undergrad, I am kind of like, there should be more rights than are listed under ceremony. So if I'm your DM, I'm kind of like, let's just have it be an open door policy. You have like a ritual you want to do, describe what you want to do, cast ceremony, take that downtime to do it. Let's have a conversation, maybe all on the fly, be like, okay, this happens. Yeah. Emily, do you want to start a think tank?

And we can just like absorb this submitter into that. I think so. Yeah, and we'll kind of like pay them an egg salary to keep like cranking out like new. An egg saladry? A different tank, a different tank to get lost in. On that note, on what Emily's saying here, I almost kind of, yeah, it was the pun that I'm into.

No, we should pause for a second and recognize that. Give her a cake. Fuck off. Everyone shut the fuck up. Everyone shut the fuck up. Can it be Emily's birthday for that joke? Yeah. Okay, I get to roll a new birthday since. Yeah, stop rolling birthdays.

Shit, I rolled further away from the start of the campaign. Yeah, I don't know. Oh no. I like the idea of having this be a thing if you have in-game, in- like in your world holidays and on those holidays Ceremony spell does different things like we'll give you a boost based on the season or what it is Yeah, that to me feels a little bit more interesting than like I don't know. I just don't want to sing happy birthday every week I'm sorry. I'm sorry for me to grinch. I don't want to sing fucking happy birthday all the time. It's not that good a song

I'm gonna pitch a it is a terrible song. I'm gonna pitch a, it is a terrible song. I'm gonna pitch a character for you that you can take or leave someday. I play a cleric of the holidays. Okay. Wow. Oh, a Saint Nick. A Saint Nick as it were. Sure, somebody that just goes all out.

You're constantly changing decorations on your house. All right, so what are you guys, who's investing in this? I'm in on it. I like the birthday thing. Do you want to join the think tank? Yeah, I would love, and I'll take a low egg salad tree just to get my foot in the door

and work my way up the ladder. Yeah, just a little mayonnaise in mine. Awesome, okay, great. So tortle. So tortle. Egg salad tree for all so tortled. This next pitch comes from Jacob B. Sholo, torts.

I come to you with a rule that as a DM has fucked my plans but been amazing for my players and reality, great fun as a DM. Wow. This rule was argued by my necromancy wizard player that healing spells should be necromancy, not evocation, and should be available to a necromancy wizard. After some back and forth,

we agreed to a spell list of healing spells that they would be able to use. This was clutch in many moments in the campaign. I'm here today to sell the reclassification of certain healing spells for the necromancy wizard for either 100 eggs or a 49% stake, or an encounter designed for a group necromancy wizard for either 100 eggs or a 49% stake or an encounter designed for a group

that has a wizard healer that can heal 250 health a minute. Thank you. Wait a minute. You got swindled by your player and you're turning it into an idea. Wizards are the most powerful class in the game probably and so now they're also clerics. Well, I think it's a limited one. I think they talked about it. I think that just the,

the vague notion is, can you guys see the overlap between necromancy and healing? Cause I personally think it's cool. I understand it, but for the mechanics of the game, I think this is extraordinarily broken. I think it's, you can make the same argument for literally everything. You can be like, I'm a fighter who based on my backstory, I should be able to go into a rage and you could, you know, You're describing multiclassing. Oh, yeah. I think that for me, this idea is currently half baked at the moment.

Okay. Uh, at the rift. Well, because, because we requested brevity in submissions, we didn't get the list of spells. The tank is small. So we have to, we know that it is a limited supply of spells. It was not a hand wave, everything. Right, yeah.

I imagine that means they get like cure wounds. Healing spirit really tracks for me. What if you make a case to like lose some wizard spells and gain a healing? You would have to lose them. I think that's the only way this works. Is if you're like, we're going to make your wizarding way worse and essentially make it like a multi-class

that has its own new class. Yeah. There is a really cool necromancy spell. I know, cause I've taken it with multiple characters. I never used it called life transference. That is a necromancy spell. It's basically like you're healing people by taking damage yourself.

But I feel like the idea of healing still, I could buy that Regenerate or something like that might be a Necromancy. I think that another approach to this maybe is that you offer complications for every healing spell they do, because it is Necromancy. So it's like, it's not going to be perfect.

It's not going to be like a blessing or an evocation. It's like raising dead, there's going to be complications to like restoring this flesh and restoring this vigor. So maybe to be like a blessing or an evocation. It's like raising dead. There's going to be complications to like restoring this flesh and restoring this vigor. So maybe you have like a table that you roll on or something. Could be fun. I think this also, I think this is being sold on kind of flavor alone.

Yes, the flavor is working for me. Right. But I think that even with like neck romance-y, I get that there is like a regeneration in so much that you're like raising zombies or communicating with the dead or bringing the dead back to life. But I'm not really imagining you healing someone

in the typical sense. Like you're not like healing someone's cut. And if you are, I think it is that life transference thing of like, well, now you've got a cut or something like that. Yeah, you're right. It's almost like if anything, you thing of like, well now you've got a cut or something like that. Yeah, you're right. It's almost like if anything you would be like, okay, we see the flavor of life transference, which is a necromancy spell.

Can we do a version of that, but it's healing word or something like that. Yeah, like when I imagine a cleric bringing someone back to life or something, it is more of a healing thing. When I imagine- It's a sacrifice. Yeah, when I imagine a necromancer doing it or something, it's like this person fell off a cliff and broke all their bones. I imagine imagine a necromancer doing it or something, it's like this person fell off a cliff

and broke all their bones. I imagine when the necromancer brings them back, their bones are still all broken. You know what I mean? Yeah. Necromancer's getting them new bones from a grave and sticking them in there, breaking stuff. Sure.

But I think I'm enjoying your notes. I like it. This is where I would see it going too. Yeah, I like the idea of a spell negotiation around something like this. Yeah, I like the idea of a spell negotiation around something like this. Yeah, I don't mind it if you're trading, I think you'd have to trade really powerful spells. You'd have to figure out essentially

how to just create a new class. Yeah, that's what I was thinking too. It's a new class, but in its current form, it sounds like you got conned by your player. Yes, yes. And speaking of getting conned. I think they admit to that. Yeah.

And it's cool. It is a cool class. It sounds like think they admit to that. Yeah. Yeah. And it's cool. It is a cool class. It sounds like a cool class to me. Yeah. So I think like since we've put in so much legwork here, fin work, we're probably gonna need to up that to like 70% stake in the company.

Yeah. I think you guys are gonna have to ask for a pretty huge stake. I think this is a birthday for me, so I'm out. Yeah. This just seems kind of fun. So, this is- I'm done for the idea, but I want to,

I want to pay this person no egg salad tree and just have like sweat equity put into it. So if you want to come and work and develop the idea for free and get paid in egg salad shares. Right. We should probably get some Finchers on the deal too. Right? Right.

Really high interest rate. Okay, cool. That's great then to me. I love it. I'm in also, do we want wanna just put this in our tank? In the think tank? In the think tank? Let's pop it in the think tank.

Pop it in the think tank. Let it cook. Perfect. Great. So tortled. So tortled. Our next pitch comes from Katie S. So dumb.

For your consideration, oh clever and insightful tortles, I present to you the potion of last resort. This daring elixir lets you tap into the very brink of death. Once taken, the potion restores the player to full HP by dipping into the buffer of negative max HP that normally keeps you from instant death. The catch after drinking this potion, you can't be healed by any means. Whoa. If you hit zero hit points, you're instantly dead.

No death saves. Only a greater restoration or a long rest purges the potion's consequences. And if you drink it again in a later session, that means if you reach zero hit points, you can't be revivified. Every time the player takes it again, the stakes increase to deter overuse. All this for a simply perfect egg. Interesting.

Simply perfect is not very interesting. This I dig, this I dig. Yeah, okay. I think there's actual like- Happy birthday to you, submitter. Yeah. No, no, no, no. Let's not bring birthdays into it.

Birthdays are bad, birthdays are bad. We've not bring birthdays in the morning. Birthdays are bad. Birthdays are bad. We've decided birthdays are bad. I've decided birthdays are bad. I can't get on board. Birthdays are bad in the Murph worldview. It's just, yeah. But birthdays, no.

As a birthday grinch, I cannot- Birthdays, no. Murph days. Happy Murph day to you. Happy Murph day. Happy Murph day to everybody. There we go. That's a ceremony we can all get on board with.

No, I think this is really cool, cause you can imagine a really cool character moment of deciding to take this, and it would obviously be a very tough fight because you've already been presumably taken down and possibly lost some death saves before you take this. So yeah, opportunity for a very cool character moment. Only little red flag I see is that there's a lot of mention

about like kind of how many times you would take it. I think this should be a very rare potion. I think like the party should have one and maybe they could find another one or concoct it again, almost like hero feast style where it like costs a lot. It's like a big thing when it comes out, but I like this in limited capacity. I think that the change I would also make is right now you have only a greater restoration but I like this in limited capacity. Yeah.

I think that the change I would also make is right now you have only a greater restoration or a long rest purges the potions consequences. I might say only a greater restoration purges the potions consequences. Whoa, interesting. You're just living on the razor's edge after you drink this. Yeah, or, you know, becomes kind of a,

we gotta get this person better. We gotta get a witch before we. Yeah, that's interesting. That creates a good story hook. Yeah. I totally agree with not overusing it. Cause then you're basically guaranteeing that somebody is gonna die.

And I don't think it's about that. I think straight up that Revivify thing that comes up after the second use, I think that could be in the first use. I can then just, I think it could just be, it would take like a true resurrection to bring you back. I think I would let them still be Revivify. Because I think that Revivify is still pretty hard

to come by. I don't think- I guess it depends on what level these players are. Yeah, it would depend on what class they were, really. Yeah, it depends on how many birthday wishes they have access to. True. Yeah, it depends if you have a necromancer.

Yeah, if you've got your necromancer, Clare. I know revivify is available. If it's your necromancer's birthday, then this is all gonna be fine. You're fucked. Necromancers for sure have raised dead, which again has that kind of, I think it gives you negative.

Yeah, it has consequences. Yeah, it has consequences. Oh, Revivify is third level necromancy. Oh, here you go. Oh no, but it doesn't, classes, it doesn't list wizard. That's strange. That's just gonna be an unknown. I'm just, I'm really obsessed with just inserting,

but it was their birthday and all classic stories now. But alas, it was their birthday and all classic stories now Birthday I Think that might that might be my problem is having to like shoehorn birthdays Yeah, just stopping constantly on the with the fellowship of the ring to celebrate I didn't remember it was your birthday. Like, my deepest apologies. So many characters. Happy belated, Boromir.

I guess there is a whole bit about Gollum's birthday. So like, it's already in there a little bit. Since elves live so long. But I guess they still experience a lot of weird things. Legolas still makes a huge deal out of his birthday every year. Probably.

He calls it his birthday week. Oh, wow. His birthday decade, really. Yeah. It's my birthday decade, friend. OK, so is anyone curious about KDS's Daring Elixir? Yeah, I think it's rad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think I'll be in for that perfect egg. Now, when you say perfect egg, are you talking about like a perfect egg in your mind or because like a perfect turtle leg is still going to be lumpy and leathery. Yeah, I'm looking for. I'd love to know what MERS idea of a perfect egg. Yeah, it's perfectly circular. It's still leather. It's a Pac-Man. It's a baseball.

Yeah, it's a baseball. It looks like a baseball. I'm willing to offer a baseball for 50%. I think we should be partners on this. I think you did a lot of the work here and I think we can really make this sing. Let's play ball. Let's do it.

So torteled, happy Murph Day. The next pitch comes from Ray J. J. Okay. Shallow tortels, especially that guy that rode his way to success on Amir's back. Have you ever had- Talking about Murph, constant gangster. Yeah, it's true.

Crazy. Have you ever had a character with low deception but needed someone to believe your lie desperately? Introducing the Scroll of True Lies. Great movie. The Scroll- You were just gonna say yes. The scroll makes a target or a group of targets believe whatever lie you tell them, no deception rules needed. Simply put the scroll directly on a place close to your heart, literally, and declare

to the DM what your intended target is and let your character lie their ass off. The scroll disintegrates without a trace once the lie has been told and believed. One time use only, C terms and conditions for details. Warning! Only for the DM's eyes. This is a cursed wish spell. The player will think the scroll makes targets believe whatever lie the PC tells them, but what the scroll is really doing is altering reality to make whatever lie the PC tells them. But what the scroll is really doing is altering reality to make whatever lie the PC tells the truth. As a postscript, they include only use if you don't care too much about your campaign.

Yeah, this does, oh man, I can just imagine, yeah, you guys going off about Ruby Tuesdays or something, which I guess this is what happens. They do just become real. Yeah, this is just the retcon spell. Yeah. As someone who loves lying as a PC, love getting to do that, this really makes me laugh.

This is such a fun reveal down the line when you're like, you approach the town and you see a giant red R beaming above the sky. It's a Ruby Tuesdays response. I think so. We don't usually lie about the Ruby Tuesday. That's more like we say it offhand. Right.

This is like, if we're lying to a dragon. What if you're like, oh, you're talking to the dragon. You're like, I'm a, I'm a guard in the keep. I work for the prince. Then I think you'd call the guard. Other guards would come up to you and be like, you need to get back to work, dude. It's not your day off. You can't defect, man.

Yeah. It's so freaky. This is great. This is like an instant plot hook. This is fun. Yeah, this is interesting. I think that I would tease it a little bit though. I would have it have like an infernal script

or something on it. I think this should be like a devil's item. This should be something that, cause if you just whomp your players with it, if it's just like an item that you find, it's just like, cool, the paper of deception, great. And then you find out later that it just like fucked you over.

You might just be kind of like, well, there was nothing hinting at that. There was no like, you know, but if this was like a devil's bargain, or if this is like, you go to a potion shop And it's just like well, we've got the restricted section in the back and we've got this infernal script on it Like adults only yeah, like any kind of yeah, you've got all your pornography back there Your porn scrolls

They disappear after you read them, it's perfect Wait that would be sad Sad? I don't Wait, that would be sad. Sad? Yeah. I don't know, it would be sad. I have my favorites I want to return to. Sure.

Well, it's like erasing your searches. Exactly. They disappear after you climax. How about that? Yeah, I get returned to them. But yeah, I think that if you made this like an infernal contract thing where your players could kind of suss it out, but you can't you don't reveal what actually happens. You maybe literally have like a terms and conditions written in infernal at the bottom.

Yeah, could be fun. Yeah, I think you have this deception scroll, but have some kind of hints that there's something dark there. I like that. Yeah. Yeah, especially if it's going to be overpowered to the point where like the players think that they're able to lie without any kind of role and the other people are just going to buy it hook line and sinker.

There should be something nefarious that's kind of hinted at. Right. But also do make this another rare, rare item, because if they find out the trick, they might just start using it to manipulate. To say that they're awesome. Yeah. It can be like a wish though. It does dissolve after use. You're right. Okay. I guess they could go back to the shop and buy more, they might just start using it to manipulate it. To say that they're awesome. It can be like a wish though. It does dissolve after use.

You're right, okay. I guess they could go back to the shop and buy more, but it does seem like it's pretty rare. No, it's just the one. Right, once they find out what it is, it's easy to game. I would agree that there should be something distinct on there, something that, you know, like a sigilry that they notice, but then they, you know,

make a joke about rather than investigating. Yeah. And then I think it should also be like a sort of monkey's paw thing where it's not necessarily everything that they say is true verbatim. It's just read in the most terrible way possible for them, if that makes sense. Like a wish that'll come, you know, back on you. Yeah. Right. So I think it should be bad no matter what. I think you don't want a situation where someone goes into a tavern

and it's just like, I actually own this whole town and I'm the king and this and this and that and I have a million gold and all of that. Right. Although you could find a way for that to be bad. Yeah. You could just have a bunch of like people. There could be like a revolt.

Yes, a revolt instantly true. I guess you can kind of make a revolt. I think because they don't know that it's gonna be this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that even if they say, I'm really rich where I came from, then you could just, I kinda like keeping it that whatever lie they tell

just is the truth now, and you don't- And you figure out a bad thing. But you don't even have to figure out a bad thing. It should be bad, I think. I want it to be bad. It's a devil scroll, it's gotta be bad. Yeah, it's a devil scroll, I want it to be bad. You want Murph Day, it's not birthday. I want Murph Day, it's not birthday, I think. I want it to be bad. Devil's scroll, it's gotta be bad. Yeah, it's a devil's scroll, I want it to be bad. You want a Murph Day, it's not birthday.

I want a Murph Day, it's not birthday, thank you. Yeah, if you're willing to take this more down the Murph Day route and less down the birthday route, I am into this. Wow. I think I'll offer, you know, since I did kind of come up with the whole devil spin on it, I will be taking 60%. Yeah, that's fair.

Yeah, you added the fine print. Two perfect eggs. Two perfect eggs. Two perfect baseballs. Should we give them a terdium as well to keep working on it? Yeah, that makes sense. So like whenever they're out, like with their party, they can like buy a little food.

That's great. All right, so tortered. So tortered. Can we take a quick pause? Because Murph, I do want to know, like, what's a perfect Murph day for you? What's a perfect Murph day? Yeah.

Well it has to be dark and fucked up. Just the opposite of my birthday. Whatever. So your half birthday. My half birthday is my favorite day. No, actually the day after my birthday is my favorite day. Cause it's as far away from my birthday as it could possibly be.

You're just a little hung over and you've got something you have to do. Yeah. Okay. Miserable, I love it. Hey everybody, it's Emily here to talk to you about NordVPN. Whether you're a sports fan having a hard time

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The next pitch comes from Nathan B. Hello trusted and tasteful tortles. I would like to present to you my very own idea to improve one of my favorite spells. I present the upcasted shield. As long as I have been a PC or DM, I have loved the shield spell. Whether you cast it because you refuse

to let that one annoying bad guy hurt you or to avoid falling to 0 HP, we all love that sweet plus 5 to AC. However, most other spells provide you the opportunity to improve their effect. Whether it is being able to target more creatures or do more damage, the ability to cast a spell at a higher level than it requires generally improves the spell. No such benefit exists for the shield spell and I will stand up for it. The upcasted shield works as follows. For each spell slot above the first that you use to cast shield, your AC is increased by an additional point. For example, if you spend a second level spell slot to cast shield, your temporary bonus to your AC is six. The rule allows the squishiest of spell casters to protect themselves much more effectively,

while also having to decide which higher level spell slots are worth spending to avoid those bad guy attacks. I offer you 50% of the business and am open to your total tweaks in exchange for 69 of your nice is eggs. Oh, yeah, these eggs are a little oblong. Yeah, talk about porn scroll. It's interesting.

I would kind of argue that the reason you can't upcast it is because it already freaking rules. It's really good. Yeah, I agree. There's something more interesting to me about like up casting it and being able to like partially cover one other person. Yeah, that's interesting.

Or like make like a little shield wall that somebody can go behind. Yeah, that sounds cool. But like, you know, going from five to six to seven, I don't know. It doesn't it doesn't sound as interesting or exciting to me. Like we've said, it already is a pretty fucking cool. Yeah, I mean, because some spells do allow you to like increase the range where you can like cast it on more people. I think like Bless is a good example of this.

And I feel like Shield could apply in that way, too. Or like you can. But I guess it's a reaction spell. So it doesn't totally work like that. I think it's not. It's not. I think it's for the entire round, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is. It is. It's an excellent spell. And I guess it's not the entire round though. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is, it is. It's an excellent spell.

And I guess this is that broken, it's not that broken cause like casting, you know, if you burn a fifth level spell to get plus 10 to AC or something, that's not crazy, crazy. Cause I mean, it's a fifth level spell. It uses your reaction. You can't cast something huge. Oh, I don't think it's broken.

No, I don't think it's broken. I would say this is right down the middle. This is pretty good. It's pretty good. It's all right. Yeah. Okay. That's interesting.

Happy half-murf day to you. This is kind of a half-murf day for me. But that also means it's a half birthday. Ooh. So you hate it. Yeah. But also I love it. You half hate it. So I think it's okay.

Now I think this is, this one to me, some of the other ones that get pitched, I'm kind of like, this might be game breaking or this might completely pull focus of the campaign or this is super broken. And this feels more, you know, this has a pretty light touch. I think if you wanted to use this for your game, I don't think that that's nuts. feels more, you know, this has a pretty light touch. I think if you wanted to use this for your game, I don't think that that's nuts. I think it's also like a mileage may vary situation

where like if you're in maybe a three person party and you don't have someone who's like buffing anyone or you don't have someone who, if like the focus of attackers is gonna be on your squishy wizard a lot, then maybe it would be helpful for them to have a little extra shielding in their arsenal. I mean, the stakes feel high, right?

To get just like one extra thing. Like, I mean, to get, I guess you would be getting like four extra to do a fifth level. Yeah. So that, I mean, to get like a plus nine to your AC. Yeah, it's interesting. It could save you from a crazy attack for someone super powerful. I am wondering though,

if you can, if like once you're kind of higher level, like once you're level like 13 or 14, do you just have enough spell slots that essentially you can go combats without getting hit? Yeah, yeah. Because I guess using shield doesn't block you from using a spell on your turn.

So like, yeah, so like, yeah, maybe they would be doing that. Maybe they would be spamming it. Well, yeah, I guess I'm just trying to think. Maybe I need to look up how many spells you get like kind of later on. I'm getting the impression that the water in the tank is rather tepid.

I'm curious to see if anyone's gonna go for it. It's not a bad idea, but it doesn't get me going. It's not, yeah. Our eggs aren't thrumming, I guess. Yeah, I feel like they were spent on the, on the porn scrolls that I thought of on the last idea. Maybe it's just because I just burned a bunch of porn scrolls, but damn.

It really smells like eggs after you burn those things. I actually, I'm looking at this and I actually think this could get quite broken. You think so? Yeah, you think so. Yeah, cause if you're level like 14, you've got like three fourth level spells Oh, you're right. Like you could just be like what is that? So that would be plus eight to your ace and I think the thing about shield is you can still up cast it

You just don't get an extra benefit for it Like if you're yeah pinch you can use like a fourth level spell slot to cast it And I think it's kind of designed with that in mind. Like plus five is like a good bonus for low level and high level. Yeah. And if you're if as the DM, if you've got something that's like, you know, some insane boss or something that has like plus 18 to hit or something like that, the idea there is that, you know, wizard, get the fuck out of the way.

Stand way back like you have to be strategic. So just the idea that you could kind of show up and add plus 10 to your AC or plus eight or plus seven or something, it does kind of defeat the purpose a little bit. Do you think, is there a version of this that's like a magic item that has limited uses? I did have that thought.

If it was a magic item, I don't, I wouldn't hate that. Right, or a sexy little horn scroll. Right. Nothing better than that. Yeah. I think maybe this idea, it's not evoking strong reactions. I think this might need to cook a little bit. Okay, needs to cook.

Even though it's a good idea, it doesn't feel like you're solving a problem that I've encountered in D&D. Like, I just love the shield spell. Every once in a while, it's still, you still will get hit even after you cast shield. But that's cool to imagine, like you're a bad guy breaking through your shield. Yeah.

Like that's so. I have a pitch. Oh. That instead of doing this like gradation, you can up cast it, you just, in the same way that there's mass cure wounds, you could do a mass shield. That's like a fifth level reaction

that everyone gets shield. Oh yeah. If I could react and cast shield in front of somebody else's character, that would make my eggs quiver. I think- That's interesting. Yeah, doing like homebrew spells that are just spells that are usually just for a person,

but you can extend that to a bunch of people, I think is a lot cleaner than, although like I said, this is relatively harmless. I do think that at higher levels, it can get kind of broken because it does like, when someone cast shield, usually when you get hit, it's just by an extra like two or three. So you are kind of giving wizards almost a complete

out of jail free card for like four rounds, which is nuts. Yeah, you're totally right. Also imagine if you were like a Bladesinger wizard and you already had crazy boosts to your AC. Right, yeah. So this is maybe veering on, depends on your campaign, depends on what level you're at. Also, you might just be okay with your wizards throwing up shields and not getting hit as

much. Maybe they play differently because of that. So this is not putting up a ton of red flags, but I've got a little mini red flag. OK, so I think that you have a tiny little baseball, like a little like a ping pong ball. I'll give a little ping pong ball with a little red flag in it. I'll say come back and maybe we'll take that little red flag out.

I'm going to play that little ping pong ball with a baseball. That's great. I'm going to give them some seed money that they can use to grow me some more cabbage to fuck. I forgot that you fucked the cabbage. Yeah. I just wanted to remind everyone. Yeah.

A couple of months ago. So cabbage fuck. So cabbage fuck. OK. The next pitch comes from Kester the Jackal. This one was super short. OK. Really short.

I like that. No preamble. I like that energy. I felt so curious. So I'm sharing short. No preamble. I like that, respecting your time. I felt so curious, so I'm sharing it. No preamble, just jumps right in. Hand of holding, colon. A grisly severed hand, but its firm grip is surprisingly reassuring.

A creature that holds this hand tightly in their own hand is immune to the frightened condition for the duration. Oh! 1 million eggs, 1 million eggs. I opened the frightened condition for the duration. Oh. One million eggs. I opened the bidding at one million eggs. That's, yeah. One million perfect eggs. It's an emotional support severed hand.

Yeah. Yes. When I read it, I was also like, I feel like I could use this in my own life. Obviously I don't want it to actually be severed, but I feel like a handhold that you're not expecting is so big. Yeah, a little magical handhold.

I like that. And it's just, yeah, just immune to the frightened condition. How often can you do it remind me? The entire duration that you're holding this, which it does have the consequence if you have a two-handed weapon, well, you're gonna have to use one-handed weapon. Yeah, you can't hold the shield

if you're holding the hand. Nope. Yeah, I think if you have to use your hand, if you fully like, no bullshit, like I'm holding it while I'm holding a sword. Right, it can't grip your shoulder while you're swinging. It cannot grip your shoulder. You have to hold hands with it.

Can't give you a friendly pat on the ass. I liked that. Pretty good. I also like this direct pit. This is just all idea. Straight down the middle. This is just an egg tossed straight over the plate. This person is an enigma because this is like a very interesting empathetic idea

Yeah, yet they did not soften us up. It's cold and direct. They just they knew that what they're pitching us was just solid. Yeah. Oh my god, it was so quick. They must have other meetings. Shit! They're probably pitching us all around. We got a job on this. We might have to pull. Call the secretaries. Do not let them move the building. Lock the doors. Wait, I need to do have to pull. Call the secretaries, do not let them move the building. Do not let them lock this tank without an offer.

Lock the fucking doors. I need to do a Sonic one, call the segretaries. Yeah, the segretaries. Can we get some cabbage in here? Yeah. Waldo, get away from the cabbage, we have work to do. I need cabbage in a porn scroll. No, what?

For the client, obviously. Okay. Yeah, this is rad. If you actually have to hold hands with it, it brings up a really interesting problem that like, yeah, it's very funny to think that people would go into battles with dragons and stuff and be like, I guess I'm not gonna use my shield.

They're gonna hold hands. I think also in the spirit of the brevity of this pitch, you need to just present this without any explanation. Is it good or bad? I don't know. Do you wanna hold this hand? Maybe you'll see dead people. Maybe it'll or bad? I don't know. Do you want to hold his hand? Maybe you'll see dead people. Maybe it'll be helpful.

Who the fuck knows? Introducing it with some mystery is really fun. Yeah, this is cool. Okay, we're all in. We're all in. Cancel your other meetings. We're all in. Yeah.

We're all taking all the rest of our eggs. The rest of the day is a wash. We have nothing. What? We have to do a full other episode. We have nothing to barter. We gotta go back to the nest. We have to do intellectual capital. Okay, we're gonna have to do IOUs after this. I.O. eggs. We're cleaning out the clutch. Okay, so we've defaulted. We're cleaning out the clutch. So tortled. Okay, next up, a pitch from Nathan Van Ness, the vendor's money organizer. I created this item for a player who needed to leave their ship

in the hands of a trusted NPC. This way the player could gain a passive income as the NPC made ferry runs in their absence. I am asking for one egg per monetary transfer going forward. Item description, time is money, a hardworking business turtle like you should not be forced to waste time walking from the business to the bank,

presenting the Vendors Money Organizer, Venmo for short. Got it. Using just the smallest amount of blood, the Venmo will mark itself as yours. From then on, any money placed in the Venmo by another person will automatically be transferred into your personal purse. Additionally, the money placed in the Venmo

by the owner can be sent to the bank vault or personal purse of anyone they choose. In both cases, the money arrives with a friendly message. No, coins can't be transferred without a comment. Okay. Wow. D&D is supposed to be an escape. Yeah. Yeah, just becoming a business tycoon in D&D.

Also, they're kind of like treading on our gimmick a little bit, if I'm being honest. They're treading on our gimmick? Oh, with our tortles? Yeah, with the tortle thing. Because like we should just call this Finmo. Oh, I think that that was them speaking our language. If anything, I think it was a sign of respect. Okay.

Yeah. I feel threatened. What's the sound that turtles make when they're threatened? Something like that. It's also the sound he makes when he's humping lettuce. Yeah, when they're threatened? Yeah, something like that. It's also the sound he makes when he's humping lettuce. Yeah, when they're humping the boot. Turtles don't make a lot of noises. They do when they're humping the boot.

We've all seen that video. I feel like this, I feel like you need something extra, right? Because currently it is just kind of like instantaneous transfer of money. And that's kind of like, I feel like there are items in D&D that do that a little bit already. I sort of imagine this happening already. Like when I earn cash, it's like video game logic. Like I just see like a purse number going up. Like I don't imagine that I'm like in the game getting a ruby for doing a mission and then going to a vendor to get gold for it or something. Yeah, I do.

Yeah, if you find a hoard of treasure or something like that, I think we do just naturally convert it to cash. We're not like, well, you got a Sapphire and it's worth this and you got a diamond and it's worth this. Yeah, we don't have to trade it in for to make it liquid. What about the transaction fees? Yeah, I guess to me, I'm kind of like,

I don't know that I need something like this. I could see it working if again, it were something more kind of nefarious and you're making a weird deal or it was this like devil's bargain again, where it was something where you're like losing something else, but you're getting interest almost like a cursed savings account. Like if you did something like that, where there was like a twist on it, and it wasn't just, what if real life banks were in the game? You know what I mean? Yeah.

Okay, so you once again are asking for a devil twist. I do like the devil. You got to pull that devil trigger. Yeah. Yeah, I think... Perf is wearing the exact replica of Dante from Devil May Cry's quote right now, so everyone knows.

So say it. Yeah, and he has a slipknot tattoo. Hell yeah, dude. Yeah, I think for me, this maybe isn't for my eggs, and I already don't have any eggs, so- Yeah. I think I'm not gonna default. I can see some games where the players are loot focused,

like making some mechanics around loot being fun. But for the way I play, I don't see myself using it. I think since I'm currently working from a Dex-o-fit. Dex-o-fit. Dex-o-fit, yeah. Jesus. I think I don't have the eggs to go forward with this idea. Yeah.

Okay, so is no one going for it? Yeah, I think this needs to be more magical for me. This is just obviously real banking stuff, but with like magic delivery, essentially. The issue with the ferry also is you're talking about passive income, but you're not mentioning the passive loss. You need to be depreciating the value of the boat

as you're not using it. So it's actually undercooked and overcooked at the same time. Interesting. That is interesting. If you have passive income for your player, then actually there should be a role in the die to be like, is your fairy that you're operating from afar,

is the NPC that's taken it over, running it into the ground. That's true. Literally and metaphorically. Yeah. I think you gotta do rolls for your fairy to see if they're gonna Bernie made off the player. Yeah, yeah, I think so.

So I think, yeah, I'm vaguely interested in this. I'm gonna offer them a Terrapintern ship and put them in my tank tank. You just wanted to say Terrapintern. Nice. Is that so wrong? You've been sitting on that. Is that so wrong? You've been sitting on that. Is that so wrong?

Is that so wrong after Dick said? You've been sitting on that. After Dick said. I'm happy you said it. I'm happy you said it. I'm happy you said it. It was among the better ones. Certainly.

That's your birthday gift. Okay, so Tortled. Next pitch comes from Chaz P. Hello Tortles of both the soft-shelled and hard-shelled varieties. Is that true? Thank you for acknowledging. Is that true that there are soft-shelled turtles? Oh yeah, have you seen them? There's one called the- Are they okay? There's the pig-nosed turtle, which has a long snout,

and it's got a very, it's not fully soft, it's just got more skin over the top of it, so it can't really retract its head as much, but it does have a softer-looking shell. It's not like you couldn't like punch it. It does still look like a decent shell. Yeah, it's like as far as shells go, it's still solid. It's like a north face. Yeah.

It's like a north face versus like a puffer cone. It's a water gun. Yeah. It's got some Gore-Tex. All right, all right, check this out. It's like a fleece. I bring to you today my solution to forgetting to give my players new magical toys to play with.

Scale tree weapons. Oh, I know, yeah. Given to PCs early in your campaign and promptly tied into some lore, somehow these items can grow along with your players while also giving some breathing room to DMs who sometimes forget the glory and goods that follow the dungeons and the dragons.

As players play, the DM can take note of their tendencies. Then anytime a character takes a feat or an ability score improvement via leveling up, they can also select a weapon mod from the DM provided list. Some options can be generic, upping the weapon two plus one plus two plus three, while others can be catered to the player, such as giving your wizard a charge of Misty Step

because they always struggle to escape close quarter combat. For use of this idea in perpetuity, all I ask from you lovely torts is one egg you might put back at the store because of a small blemish. Stay wet out there. Wow, stay wet out there, I like that too.

You need that discount on the eggs. In my wilder days, when I was like a prankin' teen, I would sometimes go to like a grocery store and I would take a sharpie and I would like, draw a little smiley face on the oranges and the eggs. Really? Just for a little surprise.

That's ruining food, Caldwell. People are starving. But only things that you take the rind off, right? Yes, to a food that you would take the rind off of, like an orange or like an egg. Those are still just getting thrown out though. I saw your picture at a stop-and-shop. They said you were peeling bananas

and drawing smiley faces inside. No, I'm peeling. A happy banana makes sense though, it kind of does. Yeah, anyway. It's a little harmless joy, and it might be providing some ink poisoning, I don't know. I think this is a great idea. I've used stuff similar to this.

We did like the wetetstone in campaign one that would up things to plus one. Yeah. We've done stuff in a home campaign that me and Emily played in that I DM'd. We had like a quest where everybody got weapons and then those weapons would get better as they go. I love doing stuff like this

because your players end up getting, if you go on a quest or something and you get some weapon or it's like a family heirloom that is handed down to them, oftentimes they're not gonna wanna replace that, right? Yeah, I was gonna say, I always run into the issue that I get so emotionally attached to my weapon. But then it's like, well, can't help but trade it out for a better one. Yeah, I guess this Gnoll

had a better sword, I should use it. Yeah. Right. Sorry, great-grandfather's dagger. Everybody just wants to go inside the sphere grid. We're all just longing for the sphere grid from Final Fantasy X. I want to have my weapon and I want to upgrade it by launching myself into an extra-dimensional plane full of spheres. I want to look at the spheres. I want to scroll through them and all and see what's available and what is coming for me down the line. So, Paul Wilford, in order for you to be in on this idea, is the sphere grid baked into it non-negotiable?

Yes, and I think it needs to be an egg grid. It needs to be, I think- And then these have a smiley face on it? Yeah, I think that's how you upgrade them is you put the smiley face on it. You absolute delinquent. I think this is really cool. And also you have other ways

of giving your characters loot, right? Because they don't have to get like they're bonded to their weapons. So their weapons get better when they level. But if you ever want to give them something cool, like bracers that add to defense or like one of those like amulets of health, they give you more HP. Like there's a ton of items that aren't weapons that you could always reward them for as you think of it. But I think having like weapons that stick with the characters

is very cool and players would get excited when they level up to make their weapon better. Yeah, when they launch themselves into carton space and sort their egg slots. It also is very generous for you as the DM to give a DM approved list and let them choose. Yeah, that's really cool. Unfortunately, we're all out of eggs.

So I'm gonna default on my mortgage payment for my tank. And I'm gonna take out another, I'm gonna take out a bad loan. Honestly, I'm gonna put myself, yeah. You'll be living in your shell in the parking lot outside the tank. But you know what? Just fine because I believe in this idea.

And that's that total grindset. Like I've always got my home on my back. I have such a grindset. You should see my total Instagram morning routine Instagram morning routine Yeah, I swim in a tank of seltzer water Or 40 a.m. Yeah, I've got my hostage tape over my beak every morning. I

I've got my hostage tape over my beak every morning. I just started, I remember like, cause I started doing that for sleep stuff. And then I realized it's like an influencer thing. Yeah. And they are all like, and I'll tell you from personal, everyone, all the influencers I've seen are like, it changes the way your face looks. I've been doing it for months.

It doesn't, it doesn't change the way your face looks. Right, believe them. The thing that does that is the lighting and the angles that they are using on Instagram. No difference. Or the jaw surgeons they're going to. Right, yeah. All the hours of mewing they're doing.

If you mew all night, that's, yeah. Mew all night, earn all day. Thank you. That's a quote by the worst person in the world. So horrible. You all night, earn all day. You all night, earn all day. Jesus.

Oh my God. The police just showed up to our tank. Sir, we're repossessing your G-Wagon. Put it on a fucking T-shirt. My God. It's like a cow with a perfect jawline. It's just like AI wrote a fucking t-shirt. My god. It's like a cow with a perfect jawline. It's just like AI

wrote a man influencer. Shit. It's a tulpa. He's real. Oh god. Yeah, this dude's gonna appear on Instagram now. Who is Jerry Turtles? This is kind of like that scroll of lying. AI is just kind of that scroll of lying

that we're gonna make jokes that then become bots. You always make fun of me. And those bots are gonna sue us. Just absolutely. Those bots are gonna sue us. And have more followers than us. We have to glaze this podcast so AI can't use it real quick.

Everybody say something random that just like wrecks the algorithm curve. Okay, 12 grapes, 12 grapes, 12 grapes. You were already thinking, that's not that random. You were thinking about grocery stores. You were thinking about deepfaces. Yeah. Louisiana purchase, grapes, grapes, grapes.

Oh, Louisiana purchase is good. All right. All right, we got it. You Louisiana purchase. No! No, now it's back. You're all day. You're all night, you're in all day.

All right, everybody, I think we're going to wrap this one up. We have set the grind set. Everyone's in on this last idea, right? Yeah. Well, what do you guys think? I thought it was the rocks are rules. It's an awesome idea. As long as they'll take equity.

Yeah. You know what? All of the folks that submitted, check under your tanks. There's a little gift bag there for you. Yeah. One of my longest, most sensual eggs. There's a little gift bag there for you. Yeah. One of my longest, most sensual eggs. There's a bottle of sparkling water that has the Mew quote on it.

That is really funny. Wow. It sucks. It absolutely, it fucking sucks so bad. The idea of an influencer selling their own bottled water is either it's already happening or it's going to because so many of those influencers also make water their personality like shooting into water. Anyways, Mule All Night.

We all like water. Mule All Night 12 grapes, 12 sweets. Yeah, glaze this shit guys, 12 drinks. Yeah. You're eating it. Glaze this shit, guys. Glaze it. All right, everybody. Thank you all so much. Black, orange, yellow, yellow, seven, 14. Waking glaze.

OK. Thank you all so much for listening. We'll be saying more stupid shit over on our Patreon, patreon.com slash natpod. This N-E-D-D-P-O-D don't sing yet. Wee. We've got some stuff to plug. We've got a bunch of Dimension 20 shows coming up,

so be on the lookout for that. Yeah. And June 1st, we're gonna be at the Hollywood Bowl in Los Angeles. And we're doing Fantasy High for that. We're doing Fantasy High, and it's gonna be super fun. We've also got Climate Pledge Arena in July in Seattle, and then we're gonna be in Vegas in November,

so be on the lookout for that, doing Starstruck. I think I'm gonna come to the June 1st show in Los Angeles, so that changes your opinion. The June 1iper show. Is it the July 1st? It's June 1st. Oh, I thought you said the Juniper show. The Juniper show.

Like Jennifer, but Juniper. Caldwell will be at the Juniper show. I'm doing my own show in the parking lot. Okay, Juniper is the name of my holiday cleric. Cleric of holidays. That's great. Happy Murf Day to you all. Does anyone have anything they'd like to plug?

Oh, I just want to give a quick shout out to Reed W, a patron who made the instant minion generator. In our most recent mix bag, I put together this little generator where you roll a bunch of dice and create a little instant minion. And Reed made a version of that you can play with online. Just go to Reed with three E's wi.github.io slash instant minion.

There's a dash with minion and you can play with it yourself. I will put a link in the show description because it's really fun. Check it out. All right, everybody. You can follow us on social media that we're made to use at Seas vs. Me at Coldest Caldwell, at Extra Demily and at Your Coaches Jake. And you can talk about the show online using hashtag NADDPOD. That's N-E-D-D-P-O-D.

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Jake's Jerk Jelly. Hashtag CCC. Of course. Taylor B. Insert Wren's uh huh huh. Laugh Here. Cass Strong Grinch. Steven Shout Out to Bowie the Troll C. Mike K. Insert Wren's uh-huh-huh, laugh here. Cass, strong Grinch. Stephen, shout out to

Bowie the Troll, C. Mike K. Nick W. William W. Big Bad Beardo, The Mad. Eric McD, Anorama. Percival, Frederickstein by Muscle. Klawowski, DeRolo III. J. Dragonborn, Guardian of the Vibe, Honoring the Cock. Mayonnaise, H. Ben A. Dave H. Dustin, S. Not That Nick. Danny, F. Hawkeye, Pierce. Book Vars Assistant, Izzy, F. Big Bad John. DPC, Is Awesome. Sean, The Shade Tree Mechanic of Zelbldar.

Summer, RG. Mark, The Dark Lord's Taint. Kat, C. Mesa of House and Zunza. Ariel, The Occasional Mermaid. Selena N. A.K.A. Velaisey Raptor, B-Perky always, Pat L., Maxwell J., Lauren H., Serv 16, Annie the Feywild Therapist, Connor, SAVAGE, Salil, Bioquart 7, Amber Dextrous, Trub Hop Dropper, Jack H., King of the Mole People Under Iron Deep, Dressed in Blue and Fighting His Way Through a Bracket Style Tournament, Vailen, Paj, the bitchin' bunny bard, Druid, Payton, Carlin, C, Noah the Bullywog Boy, hashtag honor the cock, James G, Crystal T, Everything Bago, the Aladdin who just wants to hang out with his pet badger, Stripey, Reverend Chatterbones,

Han, Eric B, Marcos, learns the balance Druid, Freda M, Maggie, Holly, the green laughing hyena, Cal, misses the D5s with all her heart, Aaron B, Russell H, a monk named Dilgo, yes the whole thing, yes every time, Cody C, Mckenna Stout, your friendly neighborhood yont and yunkle, Andrew and Sid, John Adams, we can be done with presidential puns, Meg the mail carrier of Bohemia, James F, Austin S, Wayfarer now has to do something with the trolls. Get rid of them, turn to page 42. Keep them, turn to page 69.

Oreo, Shane C. Barpo, Good Barrel, Bart, Marion. Garrett G., One Big Curd, Bovine Beauty, Renee, the Monster Captain, Olivia, the Enchanting Bart, and Jared, the soap opera cleric who will be auditioning for Callie's acting troupe. Blue, Ash, Fico, Gareth the Artificer, Valkyrie, the Gert C. Brother, Anthony the Rattest of Dudes, Jay, the Fairies have amended all their

ways and are volunteering at their local petting zoo. Cantrip Dumbledore, the bear onesie wearing barbarian. Lexi loves the two crew. Roger L., No Drog, the pass a fist barbarian. John Luca, Leon K., legendary hero of Bohemia from a future campaign. Shenanigans O'Connor, Mios the Great, Joshua S, Alexander, Lins W, Johnny Dude K, the mischief of NADDPOD's Familiars, Pavu Eskinor, the Goliath Paladin providing service with a smile, Kit and their cat, Tim M, T, R, M, L, G, Cheeto, Shel B, Kenna's first favorite sprite girl, with a smile. MemawSkyDays, Megan N, Anthony B, Savannah H, Balnor's best friend Steve, Stephanie of House and Zunza, Benjamin A, Gimli the Corgi, Pawpaw and Foster's canine friend, Mikkel A, Josh H, pilot of the Nightmareverse, Flight, the two crew, Blue Thru, Jennery, Ethan the

Mailman, Maple the Shy Bookworm, Asha Soros, Billy B, Tori the Tungsten Dragoose, Accidental Sharer of Recipes, Michael L. S. II, Carl B, Plumber of the Realm, Dex Riddlewell, Hannah A, Ace Dregs, High Lord of Critsburg, Darius D, The Guy from That One Thing, Vin Diagram, Catamilius, The Consumed, A-Gun, Banjo Boy of the Flatlands with Two Working Kidneys, Clinton P, Grinchful Cam, the Grinch Frog Man. Dean, Jake W, Hi Mom.

Tuesday Cross, the Choose Your Own Adventure Writer, not the porn star. Steve L, Taylor Mc-M, Alex G, Zibby Debakery, Nicole, Kaylee of the Order of the Oaken Ore. Misty, the Crispy Kitty Really Hates Flame Skulls. Greg W, a fan since the old CH YouTube days. All right. Baruk Thunderhelm, fifth generation Minotaur,

working as an abandoned labyrinth tour guide. Literally Satan, Chupac Aubrey, Boney is dead. Cohen Pace, the Duke of Silk's missing son. The Waterworth, Nick, Amy, Cardle Corner Club, and Charlamagne, not the God. Thank you, everybody. That was a hate gum podcast.