Not Another D&D Podcast - Tortle Tank: Welcome to Flipper's

Episode Date: July 4, 2025

Welcome to Tortle Tank, the show where the world's richest reptiles review your D&D homebrew and decide whether or not to invest their hard-earned eggs. This week, the Torts discuss drunk mechanics, eggshaustion, and flipping DVDs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Love thrillers with a paranormal twist? The entire Oracle trilogy is available on Audible. Listen now on Audible. This is a HeadGum Podcast. podcast. Yes. Thanks for tuning in and welcome to Tortive Tank. The show or should I say shell for those of you. The show or should I say Shell? I was really, tanks for tuning in was great.

Okay, I over did it. The show for those of you who think outside the box turtle, I'm Lake Turtwitz, along with your celebrity host, Shellmilly Axford, Brian Surfy and called Shell Tanner. Great to be here. You've got 30 more minutes of intro, right? Yeah. We do turtle tank rarely enough

that the first 10 minutes of every show is how much we hate it. Or hate the puns, I guess. We don't hate the Shell. I love the puns. I love the puns. Honestly, it's mostly Shell. Jake is like a warmup comic before an actual standup.

I love it. I can't think of any other part of a turtle. Who's Jake, I only know Lake Turtwitz. Yeah, Lake Turtwitz. Lake Turtwitz. Okay, our first pitch comes from Alex W. Lake is so tenuously connected to turtles. It's so tenuous.

Oh, that's a good question. So tenuous. It's true. Go on. It's a body of water, that's where they live some of the time. I mean, they don't live in any body of water. That's where they live some of the time. I mean, they don't live in any body of water. Right, I guess they visit there, you're right.

I should have said land, her words. Hey there, turtles. May I present the drunk status condition. I am DMing a bachelorette one shot for my friend getting married and the rest of the bachelorette party I decided the game should be a bunch of PCs going on a bachelorette trip and came up with the drunk status condition To fit the vibe after you drink one more than your con modifiers alcoholic drinks make a con save Okay, equal to 10 plus the number of drinks consumed. Okay on a fail you become drunk

There are four levels of drunk. The first is tipsy, where you have advantage on charisma and dex checks, but disadvantage on wisdom and intelligence checks. This seems correct. Advantage on dex checks from being tipsy? You're loose. That's when the beer pong shots are falling in.

No, no, yeah, you're right. This is two and a half drinks in. This is when you're good at pool for some reason. Yeah, this is why gymnasts always take a shot before they go out. Good ones, dude. You saw Simone Biles with a bottle of tequila, right? I'm poking some holes in this.

You don't know what's in that water bottle is the thing. Yeah. The second is buzzed, where you have disadvantage on dex checks and saves, but advantage on strength checks and saves. Oh. Drunk strength, this is why you see the power lifters at the Olympics. Yeah. Two shots. The third strength, this is why you see the power lifters at the Olympics.

Yeah. Two shots. The third is proper drunk, where you have disadvantage on all attacks and ability checks, but believe you have advantage. Yeah, yeah, that seems right. And the fourth is blackout, where you must make a wisdom save, 10 plus the number of drinks consumed,

or lose all memory of the events that occur at this level. You also fall under the poison condition. Tortles, for the price of just a single egg to raise as my own, and blessings of good luck for the bride to be, I would give you 65% stake in this condition. Okay, so we're all gonna mix our genetic material into one egg so that you will have a chance

of raising like, you know, one of our clones. That's how we're gonna do it. Oh, that's cool. Oh, turtle clone. Right. Yeah. She'll name land. So tenuously connected.

I mean, so far, it seems the only thing that I'm like, I guess you want to know. It's so complicated. Yeah, but that's that's the purpose of this. They're doing a bachelorette party. So I have a feeling that braving the elements, the elements being to kill us SOTA's is the adventure. I would say this almost feels more like

a alternate exhausted condition leveling, which I kind of like and that's what I like about it. It's a little complicated, but I think if you're taking it like level by level, if you hand up maybe like a little cheat sheet so people like know what they're getting up to, it's not too complicated. Yeah, I think the thing with the,

Caldo brings up a good point about the exhaustion thing. And with the exhaustion thing, with each new level, you just add more stuff. So it just gets worse and worse and worse. And arguably that's what it should be, right? Although I guess there's the idea of like, you have advantage on charisma checks. So like you're maybe charming after you've had a drink.

Yeah, you're loose, you're cool. It's kind of funny to me to have like, okay, one drink in, you don't have extra strength, but two drinks in, you do actually get that strength. There's just something funny as a player to be like, okay, wait, actually, I'm gonna take one more shot and see if I can get buzzed. It also keeps the players engaging with the system

because they wanna exploit all the different levels of it. I think you wouldn't wanna have this be a permanent fixture of your campaign. But if it's like- This is a one shot though. Yeah, for a one shot where it's like, we're going out, we are having more drinks than our con modifier can handle. I think that that's a fun way to handle this.

I mean, yeah, if this is the mini game for the episode or for the session, then this feels fun to me. I feel like we've done this a few times in our campaign where we played beer pong, or no wait, flip cup, the Frigid North, and like maybe you can introduce some drunk mechanics there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like you get slightly better at the game.

Oh wait, did you introduce these mechanics in Hot Boy Summer maybe? That we got better at some point? I think that there were some drinking mechanics. There was a beer pong finale. Yeah, there was, wasn't there. Did somebody invent this? One of you hatchlings need to pitch our own idea to us

and see if we catch it, because we won't. We won't. We'll all hate it. Yeah, we just go off on it. Yeah, we just pick apart what we wanted. It's just something I did in episode 50. No, this is cool. I think it's a little overcooked. Interesting. I think it's a little overcooked.

Interesting. I think it's a little overcooked. I think there's a little too much. You like a runny yolk. Yeah, I like a runny yolk. We don't need to get lost in the tank here. That's my kid you're talking about. We don't need to get lost in the tank here.

But I think maybe I would just, so I do agree. I like the idea of there being some pluses to the early levels of drunkenness, like the adding to charisma and things like that, maybe even adding to strength, sort of boons and bains that go with it. But I would maybe just have one boon and one bain with each level to make it a little simpler.

As opposed to being- Okay, so just give the boost to, like first level tipsy, just boost to charisma. Because you're not actually getting more dexterous. Just disadvantage you. Would you're not actually getting more dexterous. Just disadvantaged you. Would you give disadvantage to wisdom or intelligence? I would say just one drink in, wisdom. I would say wisdom, yeah.

Cause you can still be good at like, you'd be good at bar trivia. Right, right, right. Right, yeah. Yeah, you start pondering the meanings right. Yeah. That's interesting. Yeah, you start talking way too deep

with like a work friend. Oh, there should be one like with the buzz one where you like can't filter out talking about yourself. Yeah, and then you actually need them to black out so they forget everything. Exactly. You talk about your genuine interest a little too deeply. Yeah. So I think for the price of one egg, I think this is there. We just need to shave it down a little bit. I think we're close.

Yeah, I like it. Yeah, so should we, do we all go in and offer one? One egg, yeah. I can't afford not to buy. One clone egg? Yeah, I think we're gonna put four of our eggs in a nest and we're gonna put like a black cloth over them and like shuffle all the eggs around.

So you do not know which of our drill babies you're getting, but you are claiming one. Oh, yeah. We'll put them just on the beach and see which one makes it to the water before a birdie scoops them. Is that what moms do? Turtle moms do? They don't do it on purpose.

I mean, they don't want to test their babies. That's just where they lay their eggs. I don't think they're testing them. Maybe they are. I don't know. Wow. Turtle moms are so exact. Savage. Yeah. Uh-oh, I don't know. Wow, turtle moms are so exact. Savage.

Yeah. Uh oh, here comes the Pelican investor. No, I don't wanna come at turtle moms too hard because they're working hard, but I do feel like they could've found a safer place. Right. Putting my daughter on the top of a jungle gym, all right, figure it out, I'm a turtle dad.

Yeah. I guess you don't want the eggs to wash away, but you don't want them to have to have a long dad. Yeah. I guess you don't want the eggs to wash away, but you don't want them to have to have a long run. Yeah. Yeah. It's tough. It's tough being a turtle mom. It really is.

You know, they should just, they should put them and then just put a little umbrella over them. That's good. That's really smart. So then the birds can't see from above. Right, the birds will just think it's... And then the sun. Well, it would need to be a huge umbrella

because it would need to span like most of the beach because they waddle their whole way down the beach. It's too bad this isn't D&D court because we could punish somebody and tell them to put little umbrellas above turtle egg clutches. We'd have to come down real hard on turtle moms unfortunately because frankly they're just not cutting it.

And neither are their children. Yeah, so we'll lay four eggs near the beach. And we'll see which one makes it. And then you can scoop. Make the best one win. You can scoop the survivor. Yeah, I would say if you wanna be on pelican fighting duty, then that's what you can bring to the conversation.

If they all make it, you can keep four. Yeah, you know, pelican moms are out there trying to feed their pelican kids. That's true, we forget that about pelican moms. Yeah. We do. We have a beef with pelican Tank, which is the other show. Yeah.

I do find that when you- Pelican parlor. Yeah, it really shouldn't be tank. It really shouldn't be tank. Do you guys get like weird suggestions from Reddit that'll be, there's one that's called Nature is Metal, and it'll just show like, and it'll just, I don't follow any of this because I don't want to see it,

but it'll just be like an alligator fighting a giraffe or something like that. Like in the wild, it's not like a fighting pit. But I'm always- That happened in my backyard. I'm literally always just rooting for whoever is getting attacked. And it's like totally not how nature works.

The second that one of them, it's like you're rooting for the alligator who's getting attacked, and then the second the alligator starts winning, then you're rooting for the one that's there. There was one, yeah, there was one where a bunch of boars or warthogs, I don't remember, was chasing a lion, I think, like a lioness, and she jumps up into a tree

to get away from all these boars, and I'm like, that's awesome, great, go lioness. Then she jumps down and grabs one of the boars and brings it up into the tree with her. And then it switches and I'm like, no, the poor boar. Yeah, you didn't have all the con, you got the edit. Nature shows are doing a lot of, they have to do kind of a lot of PR

and investment in the animal, like leading up to the kill. Like if it is from the lion's POV, it's just like the cubs are so hungry and you're like, God, you gotta win, you gotta get out there lioness. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Yeah. that's true. Yeah.

Okay. You hate to see like a snake wrapping around eggs. I hate it when they do that. That's tough. But the snakes gotta eat. That's tough. Stealing eggs in general is hard to get behind. It's tough.

Yeah. I don't like it. Snakes, cut it out. Come on guys. Eat mice, come on. You can't have tofu. Yeah, wait till they hatch and then eat them. You can't go through a drive-through.

Yeah, give them a fighting chance. I just feel like, yeah, like a vegan hot dog would be fine for a snake. It's the shape of their body anyway. Yeah. Oh, that's a good point. What if you could make an egg or a bean that was so big that it looked like an egg?

That it looked like an egg. Yeah. Oh, that would be absolutely disgusting. I think, yeah. Moving on. I can picture the texture of that, and I want to shed my- You go to crack it, but it's all beans.

Wait, no, I have 10 additional points. I have 10 additional points. Okay, Chaos P writes, greetings, turtles. Time is eggs. I shall keep it brief. Exhausting. Time is beans. Time is beans. Time is beans. Time is beans you means.

I shall keep this brief. Exhausting death saves. Exhaustion is an underutilized mechanic in most 5e play, despite it narratively feeling like a natural consequence of an adventuring lifestyle. And if you desire higher stakes for your players, but feel a long rest cure everything short of death, look no further than exhausting death saves.

For each failed death saving throw, the PC suffers two levels of exhaustion. Three failed death saves results in death, which is coincidentally the consequence of the sixth level of exhaustion. If you believe a near death experience should be a bigger deal than one good night's sleep can cure, this might work for you.

Only one level of exhaustion is removed per long rest. So it might be days before the wounded PC is at full strength. In play, I have found this variant has resulted in more strategic play, more teamwork, and more respect for the risk of getting zero HP. We do need more respect. I thought you meant like general respect for each other.

Just in my life. No more dismissing a dying friend because you know they probably won't die this turn. Yeah. What kind of friend does that anyway? It's a good point. We need more respect. Yeah.

Just my players absolutely hated doctors before this. And now honestly they think they're okay. Whoa, this last paragraph is groundbreaking. This idea is not for sale. What? What? For any eggs. What? What? For any eggs. What?

It is released into the public domain for all to use it, no cost. No, I block this. I block this. We're gonna buy it. We're gonna actually put it back. We are gonna buy it and put it. We are gonna put a red shirt on the egg,

so then it's ours. Then it's fucking ours. Yeah, we're gonna undercut this. Yeah, we're gonna put a red shirt on this idea and give it a name. It's exactly the same except we call it exhaustion tiredness. Exhaustion tiredness that is caught, that is killed. This is our idea.

This is us, yeah. And we are gonna sue you for being too close to our tiredness. Yeah, tired to death copyright. Yeah. Yeah, this is a great idea. I really like this. This is a great idea.

What is one level of exhaustion? Is that just your speed is affected? That's disadvantage on checks, I believe. If someone would have mind pulling this up. It's disadvantage on checks, ability checks. But not attacks. So that it is kind of fun, cause it is like, if you're in battle,

you're not actively being punished for, like with every single attack, but you are like, if you're just trying to talk to someone, you might be stumbling over your head. Oh, and this is only, it's only failed saves, right? So technically if you get knocked out, you wouldn't have any exhaustion. That's cool.

So these are the exhaustion effects. Number one, first level, disadvantage on ability checks. Second level, speed halved. Third, disadvantage on attack rolls and saving throws. There you go. Four levels, hit point maximum speed halved. Third, disadvantage on attack rolls and saving throws. There you go. Four levels, hit point maximum is halved. And then fifth, speed reduced to zero, six is death. That all makes sense for, yeah.

It also is, it's a really good system too, because it's like, if you had two failed death saves, you would have four levels of exhaustion. But basically once you slept, okay, my hit point maximum is no longer half. And that's gonna feel good to even just get rid of that. Yeah, yeah. It's not so harsh that you wouldn't wanna play in this.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause you know, you felt one, that's only disadvantage on ability checks. I feel like that's fun role play. Yeah, I thought the half, or I thought the disadvantage on attacks was level two, but since it's level three, it's great because you kind of have that first level to play with

where it's not that bad to have one or two levels of exhaustion, but it does feel like consequences. So I think this is rad. I do agree that people getting knocked out and then popping back up and knocked out and popping back up is kind of silly. Oh, you're right. That is brutal though, because then if they get knocked out in battle, and then, but up and knocked out and popping back up is kind of silly. You're right, that is brutal though, because then if they get knocked out in battle,

and then, but you're right though, then you'd be strategic. Then your team is gonna bring you up. Make sure you're healing ward them, you bring them up, you don't let them get near death. I think this is rad, yeah. Can you walk me through the mechanics one more time? It's every death save you fail,

you get a level of exhaustion. You get two levels of exhaustion. Yeah, right. Wow, that's, which makes sense. And then every time you sleep, you can only level of two. You get two levels of exhaustion. Yeah, right. Wow, that's what makes sense. And then every time you sleep, you can only remove one. Okay, wow. I really like this kind of homebrew when someone takes a rule

and then backwards engineers a homebrew, you know what I mean? Because this hatchling, who happened to have a parallel idea to us, it's really close to our entire business. I'm so sorry, but we've- So unfortunate that we thought of it as close really close, really close to our ex-hire. I'm so sorry, but we've- It's so unfortunate that we thought of it as close. Yeah, we were already in the trademarking process.

That being said, I do really like this idea that they came up with, where the- That we also came up with. The logic of being like six exhaustion levels is three debt saves, and thus, one debt save would be two exhaustion levels. I think this is really cool. And it does.

I think it's really cool and I'm really glad that we came up with it before. Yeah, I think we just have to let the market decide, right? We're just gonna have to put both these ideas out there and see what people bite on. Yeah, do the people want tiredness or exhaustion, which honestly is kind of sweaty to say and I don't even know how to spell it.

That's a long word. Whereas tiredness is. Tiredness is really relatable, approachable. Exhaustion might be easier to copy right now than I think about it. Wait a minute, can we just call it exhaustion like eggs? Cause that ties into a friend. Oh, that's good.

Okay, so actually we will pivot. We'll do exhaustion, yeah. That's what we do in the tank, is we make things better. Yeah. Yes, yes. So yeah, we're stealing your idea. So we like this idea, everyone's free to use this one, but you can pay for our premium version coming out soon.

Yeah. Eggs, exhaustion. Eggs plus, exhaustion plus. Okay, our next. It is a subscription model. Right, you subscribe and then every month we just call you and say, how's it going? It is a robo call though.

Our next pitch comes from ImmortalCrow786. All right. Congrats, immortality is an achievement. Very cool, almost tortoise level. A gift or a first love. Although a crow in the sky, descending upon our little eggs as we test them on the beach.

It would be weird for a crow to be eating that turtles on the beach, but who knows? They get hungry enough, they're smart. They adapt, they adapt. Okay, what's this clever crow got up their sleeve? A business rival writes in, great tortellini tortles, and Jim, I think. Close.

It's land, sir. Land. I've come to you today about body enhancement magic. Anime, TV shows, movies, et cetera, they always have magic that makes the body stronger, faster, more resilient. There are some spells in D&D that do buff, but I would like to put out a single spell

that would increase your stats by a single point, starting at level two, so that you are stronger. Higher level versions of the spell would raise the increase amount and allow your characters to fully feel like a mage with attitude as they kick your botoski. It could be like an eldritch invocation for Pact of the Blade or a spell

for the Blade Singer Wizard. All I want is a single egg. Everybody's just asking for single eggs or giving away for free. I don't know what's going on. I guess they're worried about the pelicans and the crows. Yeah, it makes sense. All I want is a single egg that smells like cotton candy

to use as a candle. Thank you. Wow. So interesting. So I feel like you were a little light on details. How long does this last? You just permanently up a point? It seems like it would have to be like a concentration thing

or something. I think though, it seems like, yeah, it seems like they're probably saying, rather than enhance ability, which just gives you advantage, why don't we increase the stat? And then you can scale it up so that you can increase the stat by more. Advantage is so good though.

It almost feels like mage armor, but for your body, I guess, because like mage armor is like one of the few spells that lasts for a long time and bestows a pretty good benefit if you're like a squishy wizard. So it seems like you're kind of doing that, which I don't hate. I mean, especially if you're like burning a slot for it. I mean, it feels like a color of armament hockey

from one piece, if you ask me, which I think is pretty cool. Yeah. I don't know that think is pretty cool. So. I don't know that this is speaking to my eggs. Yeah, it feels, it kind of feels like you want to feel like a specialist in D&D sometimes. Like I like having a skill and I like having one thing buffed.

So I like almost, it gives me like a purpose to know what to do. Like you can just make. All of a sudden a plus one to history that I didn't have before is like. There is a, I wanna say it's called borrowed knowledge. And I might be a little bit mistaken in this, but I think you basically can be proficient

in something that you aren't normally proficient in. And that almost excites me more to be like, cool, I can add, if my proficiency bonus is plus three, I can add plus three to an ability that I don't normally have it. And I think that excites me more. Does going up one in every single ability give you that much?

I don't think. I think not really. Are we talking about score or are we talking about modifier? Modifier more so. I think it was just score though. That's what a red light to me. Cause that might not even boost it. It might not. But they did say you could upcast it

so that it goes for more. Yeah, I guess it gets, I think it's a little more exciting if it's upcast. And I was like adding two to things that I had zero. But even then, if you were like a wizard, wouldn't it be better to just like shoot a cone of cold or something than to have like plus three strength? I do think there's, it's like this, it's almost like a cheat code

that makes the game a little less exciting. It's like solving a problem that we kind of don't have. It's fun to problem solve and to like escape things out. I guess it could be good to like add to your decks for like stealth or something like that, but then you have Pass Without Trace. Right, there are basically spells that do all of these things individually.

Does this just seem like a better version of enhanceability? Like is that what this is? I personally think it might be worse than enhanceability because enhanceability gives you advantage and getting just a plus one boost might not be as good as pistons away. Yeah, definitely. I definitely don't think it is.

Oh, he's right. I don't know the math, but I feel like it's advantage is like plus five on average better. Yeah. I don't know. I don't exactly know the math. I don't know math either, but I agree with that.

Right? Someone has their... I feel like I'm correct. I think that advantage just feels better because you get to roll more dice and you get to look at more numbers. Well, no. No.

You're definitely boosting. You have a better chance. It's not just that it's fun. It's just fun. Do you know what I think would be? That's not how the statistics work. Do you know what I think would be more fun? OK, but this is actually really different and maybe not

a good pitch at all. But I think think would be more fun, okay, but this is actually like really different and maybe not a good pitch at all I but I think I would have more fun is if it was a spell that let you swap two skills Oh, let's say you're like a wizard and you're like all intelligence, but then like you guys are going through some terrain Yeah, and you're like, you know what? I'm just I'm swapping intelligence and decks and so then it's you do have a disadvantage, right? Cuz then suddenly your intelligence is whatever your dex was, but you can suddenly be like kind of dexterous.

Yeah, I like that a lot. That's interesting. Yeah, like a shifter wizard who can like shift forms feels very fun. I guess, I don't know, now that just feels like a variant of a druid who can like wild shape into like a strong form or something like that. But I don't know, I think there's something really fun

to that. Yeah, some kind of shapeshifter. That'd be fun. Yeah. Alright, I feel like this is a little undercooked. Yeah. Yeah, we like our we like them over hard or over medium. No, we like them runny, right? Isn't that how you like them, Murph? We like them runny.

He likes them runny, but this isn't- This is IRL? This is too runny. This is too runny. The albumin is still on the egg. We hate that. Murph at a diner this morning. Sir, you can't be in the kitchen. I'm sorry. This is too runny. Sir, I haven't even started cooking it yet.

That's not your plate. This egg isn't ready to run across the beach. I don't think you know. Yeah, and I think you knew it too, because we didn't talk about concentration. We didn't talk about how long it lasts. We didn't talk about any of those details. Let's put a little umbrella over this egg.

Yeah. Actually, you know what? Let's fold the umbrella in so it can cook a little bit in the sun. Yes, great. This egg was in the shade. We could get an umbrella that has little magnifying glasses to help cook the eggs.

Oh yeah, that seems not good for the turtle. Oh, that's cool. So it's like an umbrella. It's a beach umbrella with a magnifying glass. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. God, that's such a good for the turtle. Oh, that's cool. So it's like an umbrella. It's a beach umbrella with a magnifying glass. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. God, that's such a good prank. Imagine, oh, you give somebody a beach umbrella,

they put it up at the beach and then lie down and fall asleep and they burn a hole through their chest. You could make it say something. Oh, that's really cool. This is Benjamin Franklin actually invented a bifocal umbrella exactly like you're describing. That's really cool. He was such a prankster.

Yeah. Okay, so. Okay, so I think no one's going for it. He was such a prankster. Yeah. Okay. So I think no one's going for it. This was a pass for us. I think so. Let's see if Kenzie LZ can do better. Tortles, I give you an idea to make role play a bit easier for new players or a table

that is playing for the first time together. Okay. Okay, okay. The rumors. Each player writes four rumors about themselves. One true positive rumor, one false positive rumor, gossip that looks on you favorably, one false negative rumor, et cetera.

I guess there's a fourth rumor that they don't mention, but. Seems a little overcooked. Yeah. Okay, four rumors. As a player in DM, you know which of your rumors is true and which is exaggerated nonsense. The DM distributes the rumors to the other players. Now each player has a random fact

or short story about the other one. They assume all of them are true. This can be a good bridge for a campaign where the players meet in a local tavern. They would know stuff about each other and can help guide interactions. Since each player wrote their own rumors, they have control over how their character is seen by various NPCs and other players.

If you live in a small town, village, area, or a city, you know stuff about random people. The DM will randomly distribute the rumors so every player has different ones about each other. So I've done this in two campaigns now and it's usually pretty fun. However, the first time I did it was with Abrea and it was baked into this system that was Regency. So it was fueled by rumors and reputation and stuff. And then we just did it for- I think we don't want it, we can't get too into Cloudward Ho, because it's still coming out.

But we did do a version of this for Cloudward Ho. Oh nice. Rumors about the characters and some of them are true and some of them are not true. But I could see that being very helpful. So this time was actually parallel thinking. Yes. Yeah, I think that it came from this other system that does that.

I can't remember what the name was, but there was a system that we did. Is it the Good Society? Yeah, Good Society, yeah, that's what it is. This is like the real life icebreaker, two truths and a lie. The only thing I would say is that false rumors can be a little bit confusing. I think that the DM has to be smart about what false rumors make it in,

because otherwise they can feel like red herrings that people are distracted by. I could see it being almost like part of a backstory that like, you know, I miss something I did was misunderstood. Yes, that you would want to let in. Yeah, just straight up lies. Yeah, I think that that's gonna feel more fun than just a full lot, especially for if you're new roleplayers, right? This is probably if you're if you've been playing a lot together, do like putting lies in there or whatever, and having like tension or thinking that like,

someone's actually a bad guy or something, might be good and might be interesting. But for new players, you might just kind of want to go with- Right, it's a lot to balance. Regular rumors. Regular rumors? Yeah. Or it- Or it's like factoids.

Yeah, it could be like, you know some things about the other players, and maybe you know something vaguely, like they were at the scene of this crime, what does that mean? It's also a really cool way for the players to like deepen their character. Cause you're like thinking about like,

oh, like what do people in town know about me? Like what do I know about myself? Like what is something I want to share? It's a great like writing exercise just to kind of get in your character's mindset. Yeah, I feel like. It's also, I've never done it with people who didn't know each other,

like as characters who didn't know each other. It's really good. I really liked the idea, especially for like we're also I've never done it with people who didn't know each other like I can't just who didn't know each Other it's really good. I really like the idea especially for like we're starting out in a tavern Yeah, and then it's like because a lot of times it really would just get people who are like due to D&D like talking to Each other. Yeah Yeah, it is you like your eggs really runny It is quite literally an icebreaker like it's like doing an an icebreaker activity, but in role play, which is, which is really good. Yeah. So Kenzie, Kenzie asks, all I request is a, another single egg.

A single egg. We really are in a recession. All I request, all I request is a spotted egg and some light praise. I'm doing a good job and I'm an okay mom. You're doing a great job and you're a great mom. Wow, you're overpaid. You're crushing aid. Yeah.

But you deserve it. Now the egg isn't spotted because I put so much into that compliment. We're gonna give you a regular egg, but some compliments, yeah. Yeah, we're gonna compliment you so much that you hopefully don't notice. The spots we are gonna be selling separately,

we have a spot sticker pack that you can use to decorate your egg. Egg bedazzling is gonna be the big trend for 2025, I think. Ooh, bedazzling our eggs? I mean, that's pretty much like a low budget Fabergé, right? Yes. For too long, is Fabergé been in the hands of the cultural elite?

I think it's time. It's time to bring it back to the people. To sticker and bedazzle your egg. Every man's Fabergé. The layman's decorative egg. Go to a diner and just hand them a sheet of stickers and say, could you gussy up my egg? I like it hard boiled and bedazzled.

Hard on the outside and inside. This episode of an ad pod is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or growing your business, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand and get paid all in one place, get discovered fast with integrated Squarespace SEO tools. Every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions, and auto-generated sitemap and more so you show up more often on

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And when you're ready to launch, use offer code pawpaw to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's squarespace.com slash P-a-w-p-a-w. Okay, our next idea, Caldwell, you're gonna love this one, buddy. Whoa! You don't know that. You don't fucking know that. You don't know me. I don't like this. I'm getting pegged here. It's gonna be a weird wacky one.

Caldwell's getting pegged here. He's gonna really like it. Okay. Lucy L. writes, howdy, torts. I may finally have a use for Caldwell's special coin or DVD. No! Oh!

I love it. Can I tell you what I thought this was gonna be? Well, Caldwell's insistence on flipping coins and flipping DVDs, you know, it is a source of eternal torture for me. But I thought this was gonna be, the first thing I was like, what is a source of eternal torture for me. But I thought this was gonna be, the first thing I was like, what is a fucking Looney Tunes mechanic

that Goldil would love? And I was like, it's gonna be something with falling off cliffs where you can do a Dex save to do like the Wile E. Coyote run out into the air and stand there for a second before you fall. There's an artificer infusion that's basically that. That's like, yeah. It's you fall.

Like feather fall. Can you fart just before impact to give you a small boost like a jet thruster? Yeah. Again, you could just flavor your Misty Step to do that. Oh, that's true. Misty fart. Yeah.

There's a cleric ability that lets you protect against a death save, and I feel like that would just be when you get flattened and only your eyes remain and you're just a pile of ash, and then you just shake it off. So I think there's a lot of, yeah, you know, it's all actually already in 5e. It's like fully Looney Tunes already. You just have to find ways to flavor it.

So this isn't Looney Tunes calls at all. This is insist on flipping a coin instead of just rolling dice. Prop comedy on a podcast called what? Prop comedy on an audio podcast. You didn't even have the DVD nearby. You have a coaster, you held up a coaster. Do you want to flip that coaster?

Hold on, I have a coaster. Let me go get my copy of Final Fantasy VII. He's leaving, he's outta here. And we can't even read the case without him because it's Holy shit, his car is starting. Yeah. Unreal. OK, he's coming back.

Or hopefully. I don't see him, actually. No, the footsteps have gotten fainter and fainter. I was hoping we could just. OK, there he is. He's bleeding a lot. OK, I'm back. Hold on.

He's covered in sweat. I couldn't find Final Fantasy VII, but I did find Hunter Hunter Disk One from the Chimera Ant arc, so I think that's gonna be a real juicy one to flip. Oh, you took it out of the box. I took it out of the box. Yeah, so we can flip it.

It's a loose DVD. Okay, so we've got a loose DVD to flip instead of a coin, and that's funny, question mark. Some would argue no. It's the great way to be in a rage in our time. Even if you were to be able to see it, some people would say it's not that funny or interesting. I think people are gonna be impressed

by my anime DVD collection. I'm surprised we have never brought DVDs to a live show. Yeah. We shouldn't be doing that. Could you imagine the pop it would get? Throwing them into the audience. Just the audience gaslighting me into thinking it's a cool thing to do.

I'm gonna message the audience separately somehow and be like, everybody bring your most prized DVD and fling it on stage. You don't mind getting scratched. We should just do a full DVD live show, right, where we don't bring any dice. We only bring DVDs. We do all of our bad bits.

And every option is either works or it fails. And it's all based on the cover. It's failed DVD. And it's canon too. Yeah. Okay, this is gonna be a DC heads flip check. Uh. Ha ha ha.

DVD DC. If you can see the cover of I Heart Huckabees when you flip it and not the backside of it. Are you flipping this thing? This is check out the DVD. Beverly doesn't die. Okay, what is this idea that involves fucking DVD flipping?

Let's find out. I'm already against it, go on. A new feat I call skin of your teeth, revamped lucky rules. There are some people who seem to get by on the thinnest sliver of good fortune, as opposed to halflings who seem to naturally have good things happen to them.

Arguably. These folks could truly be called lucky. After all, what is a victory snatched from the jaws of defeat if you can't see precisely how sharp those teeth are? One would argue that it would be closer if it was on like a 20-sided die, as opposed to just a 50-50 chance, right?

Cause that would be just like a huge whiff or a huge whiff. Do you guys think that the head side is success or the shiny side? Cause I feel like the shiny side. Head side is success. The logic isn't a hundred percent sound, but let's see if the idea is there. Oh, you're right. It's shiny.

Once per round, if a roll you make fails, once per fucking round, if a roll you make fails or one roll made a fucking round. If a roll you make fails or a roll made against you succeed. What? You may flip. This is so often. You may flip a DVD.

Why? Adding the one to the total number on heads or subtracting that one on tails. Oh. I'm asking for either one. What are you owing about? What are you owing about? Because it's just What are you owing about, Caldwell? Because it's just a fight.

Oh, this should be good. Mer, this is an incredible idea. Why? Are you listening? Jake, do you want to read it again for him? Because I think he's. You can't all gaslight me into thinking the DVD flipping is cool.

Hold on one second. Once per round. Howdy, toots. I may finally have a use for Caldwell's special DVD. OK, Lucy is asking for one humble egg. Wow. Or negative one egg. Negative one egg.

Give me eggs. You owe me eggs for this. Okay, first off, Caldwell, flip the DVD. Let's find out. Also, I'm gonna go back. I actually think that the descriptor on the DVD, I agree with you actually now that the shiny part should be the success because it's shiny

and also then you're not scuffing the DVD. Yes, and also like when you look down at it, you're seeing your own face and you're seeing like a mirror version of the face that succeeded. So it's like you're like playing parallel. That was my reason for why it should be a failure. You lean over, see your reflection.

But that's like when you turn off the switch and you just see your face from a really long flat right angle. Let me show you why this idea is not great. OK. So I'm going to set. So Caldo, do you have a D20 near you? No, we only have DVDs. You have one right over your shoulder.

I can see a D20. You do have a giant D20 right behind you. A D20 right over your shoulder. OK, yeah, I have a big red one behind me. I'm just going to roll that on the floor. OK, so you got a big red D20. All right, so we'll say you have a giant D20 right behind you? A D20 right over your shoulder. Okay, yeah, I have a big red one behind me. I'm just gonna roll that on the floor. Okay, so you got a big red D20. All right, so we'll say you have a plus two to this roll. It's gonna be a DC 15 check.

Go ahead and roll it, call me. Well, let's say what the thing is so it feels more dramatic. You're swinging over a bridge and you're holding onto a rope and there's a bunch of crocodiles below you. Yeah. Yeah. And the crocodiles are fighting giraffes. We're rooting for the giraffes.

Right now. But the giraffes are about to descend into the river and take these crocodiles. The giraffes have backup coming, and it's going to be a massacre. But we did watch the crocodile rear its young, so we're kind of confused about who we're following. Yeah. Yeah.

OK. I'm going to roll a DC 15. I get plus 2 to it. You get plus 2. That's a 16. All right. So that's it. That feels good to you, doesn't it?

OK. Interesting. And now it doesn't come into play. All right, so. And that's it. That feels good to you, doesn't it? Okay, interesting. And that's it. And now it doesn't come into play. It was within one. Right, because plus one is never going to, it does happen every once in a while, but you have to, when you decide, you decide after. It kind of makes you stop down for a second on every single roll to clarify exactly what the DC was.

Because if you did it after and you got a minus one, it doesn't matter because you already failed, right? So if he got a 14 and you got a minus one, it doesn't matter because you already failed, right? So if he got a 14, he would just be like, I'm gonna flip the DVD. Yeah, technically you don't need the minus one. You don't need the minus one. It's either a plus one or-

It just can give you a plus one. Oh yeah, the minus one has no negative effect. Right, and if you did it beforehand, what just happened would happen all the time, which is every round, you would just be like, well, for every roll, I'm gonna flip a DVD. I might be getting a plus one. Or actually you shouldn't.

Basically you should every single time if you do it once per round. Well, I guess not because statistically it's just plus zero cause it's minus one half the time and plus one half the time. So it's just, there's no reason to do it. I am picturing this table, like descending into hating DVDs.

It's gonna become so DVD focused. It's so DVD focused. Carl, do I guess you want to flip a DVD? Because that's what the people want. Wait, do we decide what is minus one? It sounds like we're on the fence. Let's flip this DVD. And see if we're gonna buy the idea.

I remember shiny side is yes. Shiny side is good. That's shiny side! It's good. Yeah. That's shiny side. It's a good idea. It's ours, dude. Wow. That's awesome. That's so fucking funny.

Everyone at home just lost it. I bet also like, for the sake of a podcast, flipping a DVD probably sounds like nothing. I also couldn't hear, I couldn't hear it. It sounds worse than the rolls. It's, yeah. Hold on, let me do it under the pure wood. Let me get a pure wood flip for you.

You're just gonna break your DVD. That's fine. It's actually, it was underwhelming. We should, yeah, I told you. If that happened, we didn't even know that it did. We didn't even see it flip. Yeah, okay, so maybe the problem with flipping DVDs hasn't been the idea of flipping DVDs,

but rather that there's not a satisfying sound Could we make a like a pog slammer of a DVD? Why do we want 50-50 chances on stuff? That's not how the fucking game is built It's like a DVD, but it's It's made of like metal. Yeah, and there's like a heavy thing that's made of metal. And there's like a clear distinct head. You could also, as a team building exercise, go to like a pottery studio and you could all make your own DVDs

and then you flip them and if they don't break, that means you succeed. So there's a lot of ways to do it. Do you know what, it'd actually be kind of hard to throw a DVD on a wheel. Like throwing plates is harder than throwing bowls. Really? Wow, that's cool.

Yeah, just something to think about. Next time you're eating off of a bowl. Something to think about. Next time you go to your friend's place and they put like, you know, they put like your salmon in a bowl instead of a plate. Right. It's like maybe that's why.

Right, well I serve all my food on TV. They couldn't hack the plate, huh? Couldn't make a plate. Yeah. Yeah. Salmon's a little underdone. And so is your tableware. Say that the next time you go to a dinner party.

Say, couldn't make the plate, huh? What would you do if you went to a restaurant and they served all of your food on DVDs? I would I would think it was really really fun. I would just be like we're in LA or New York This is a bad idea that someone took too far I would think it was really fun because they would all be little circular things Yeah, a little hole in the center and then maybe the waiter brings it out with their finger through. Be way too small. It needs to be a record.

It should be a record. A record would be better. I think your main course is on a record. The shared plates are on DVDs, obviously. Yeah. The record one I'm just convinced already exists. The DVD is new. Just think about the waiter leaning over with a DVD perched on their finger.

And they have to hold it in front of you until you finish what's on there. No one has nostalgia for DVDs. This restaurant is trying to go out of business so fast. I don't think that's true. I think people are crazy for Blu-rays these days. You're right. I do have some DVDs.

And I did dream of having a DVD rack at one point. Yeah, yeah. I had the highly controversial opinion that we shouldn't have a DVD rack. The dream died. Yeah. I haven't pursued it. Yeah. You gotta go, yeah, you need the album so you can flip through it with ease.

I don't think that's, you know. You can always go to Caldwell's if you wanna view DVDs. I got a full shelf full of them. View rack. Just, okay. So are people buying? Wait, wait, wait, I have like one last thing I wanna say. Okay, so are people, I mean.

I have like one last thing I wanna say. One last thing I wanna say on this. Cause I do think that like there is a, an inkling of this, this hatching as an inkling of a good idea here, which is that this kind of gets to what I like about Pathfinder, which is where you can give people the help action and give them like a plus two to something.

So I think that it's less about you flipping a coin if you fail and more about everyone having like one coin per day that they can flip to potentially give you like a plus one or a plus or minus one or maybe even a plus two minus two. I'm cool with that once per day. That makes sense. I mean, it might as well be a DVD instead of a coin. Yeah. There's just like better abilities to do this. Like there's just like actual luck points.

Like you can just reroll it. Or there are things that'll just be like, give the person strength or advantage on checks. So like this already exists in not coin form. I'm pretty new to D&D 2024. Are there any feats that let you flip DVDs? DVD feet. DVD feet.

Yeah. Yeah. That's true. I haven't clicked around enough. I mean, you're DMing, imagine the applause that you get when you honor, when you take out a folder of DVDs. Ooh. A DVD case.

Yeah, so I think the thing about D&D that is interesting is that you make your characters so they have proficiencies in certain things and have certain abilities. And then the D20 allows for like a range of different successes. No, not a DVD 20. That's what we can call the DVD.

We can rebrand them and trademark it. That's what I'm talking about. So like, I think it's more interesting to be like, as a rogue, when I roll an 11, that's actually a good stealth because I have plus nine, so I have a 20, versus, for instance, flipping a DVD, where I would just do it or not do it, where it's not even a game, right?

We're just flipping coins. So that's what's interesting for you? The game, the mechanics of the game are interesting to me. Yeah. And for us, DVDs are interesting to us. But what I'm saying is like, it's almost like an assist trophy or something like that, where you have this rare coin that's got Shrek's face on it, and you've exhausted all of your abilities and yet you've got this coin that could give you a plus one, which might be

all you need, or it might give you a minus one and you fail. So this is just like as a last ditch effort that you can do once and then the coin vanishes, Shrek returns to the home plane. But there's just other stuff that does that. Is what I'm saying. That's not a claim. Yeah, I do think it's interesting that Shrek is love Shrek is life.

Yeah, it's true. Yeah. It's true, true. I do think it is so funny that I do think the audience would get in on gaslighting me into thinking that all of the DVD flip ideas are awesome. I do think if you broke out a DVD at a live show, the audience would go bat-ch.

And they would. They would go wild. It'd be hard not to fling that thing into the audience, though, when we really couldn't. It'd be a hazard. Yeah, you'd have to just hand it to someone, for sure. Yeah, you'd get chipped a tooth. This person owes me eggs. Yeah, well, we flipped to see if we were gonna buy it, hand it to someone for sure. Very gingerly. Yeah, you can chip a tooth. This person owes me eggs.

Yeah, well, we flipped to see if we were going to buy it, and it landed shiny side up. So we are worrying. Sometimes you've got to invest in undercooked eggs, and then you start your own restaurant and just see where life takes you. Yeah, tiny little tacos on a DVD. Who says no?

Charbid writes, hello, tort tortles quick and easy one here feels like a slam dunk. Can I just sorry go back for one second to the restaurant yeah where we're serving food on a DVD just imagine you go to eat it and then your stupid little face appears on the shiny DVD and you're just like man I don't actually want anything. No, no, no, you gotta do shiny side down for that, I think. Yeah, I think so, okay. Right, well the shiny side is there, after you're eating, you check if you have anything in your teeth.

That's really great. It's a good idea again, it's a good idea again. Because you're gonna wanna see the full Monty box art when you're eating, and then you flip it over when you're done and check your teeth. Although you do wanna see, I feel like, wouldn't it be exciting to finish your meal and then find out what DVD

You'd be eating off I got Boondock Saints The ultimate DVD and then you could have a lucky DVD where you get like a free dessert or something like that Wow, what a fun mechanic Merv. Oh, yeah, that's because like most of the DVDs are fight club. Yeah, that's like Yeah, most of the DVDs in this world. I would say, yeah, this doesn't make any sense, but it feels right. I think Boondock Saints is the DVD-est DVD that you can. I think so. Well, there's certain movies that came out

when DVDs were just going off. Right, and I'm sure Boondock Saints did great in theaters, but I think it did even better on DVDs. Do you know who I think is probably killing it on DVDs? The Lion King. Probably, yeah. I think it was on VHS. Who just looked at who made the most DVDs, and Jem and I will only tell me who sold the most.

So, you guys go to guess. Oh, guess who? How much did this come out? How much did this come out? Oh, wait, shit. It could be Star Wars. It could be... I think it's The Lion King.

I'm gonna say, I'm gonna do a Dark Horse and say 40-year-old Virgin. Oh, that's the Lion King. I'm gonna say, I'm gonna do a Dark Horse and say 40-year-old Virgin. Oh, that's a good one. Oh man, oh, it could be Anchorman. I think it's gonna be Family Friendly. No, you know what, it could be Star Wars. I'm gonna say Star Wars or Fight Club. We'll go Fight Club.

Okay, so Murph is going Fight Club. Not on the list. Not on the list. Damn, how big's the list? This list is 20. Geez. Yeah. All right, keep going down the line. Okay, Cal big's the list? This list is 20. Geez. Yeah.

All right, keep going down the line. Okay, Caldwell, what was your guess? My guess was 40 year old Virgin. No, not on the list. Emily, yours was Lion King. Very interesting. That is the top bestselling film, not the top bestselling DVD.

Oh! Okay, I'll say Star Wars, A New Hope. No. What? Okay, I'm say Star Wars, A New Hope. No. What? OK, I'm going to guess, do you guys remember the, do you guys remember when they would make you learn typing by playing you movies? Mavis Beacon teaches typing, yeah.

Yeah. Mavis Beacon teaches typing. Well, that's CD-ROM. If Star, yeah, that's just not a DVD. I'm sure there were DVDs of it. OK, fine, Hackers. It's not a hacker. The Matrix sure there were DVDs of it. Okay, fine, hackers. It's not hackers. I, I, the Matrix?

Wait, is it Shrek? The Matrix is good. Close with Shrek. Shrek is in the top 10. Okay. Cool. Mission Impossible. No, not in the top 10. I do think it's family friendly.

I still can't believe Star Wars isn't there. I think, I think I'm just a little off. I'm gonna say Shrek 2. Shrek 2 is higher than Shrek 1. It is number one, two, three, four. It's a six. Okay. Okay.

I think, are we ever gonna get number one? Do you think? I think, you know, in- Oh, Toy Story? I don't know. No, but we're getting it. We're zero weeks in on it. Oh, okay.

It's like a kid's movie. Inside out. No, what? Not inside out. Would have been like something that came out in 2000 ish. Yeah, kid's movie. Inside out. No, what? What came out? Not inside out. Would have been like something that came out in 2000-ish. Yeah, that's right. Nature 2000-ish. Such a good guess.

Armageddon. Armageddon. One of my favorite movies, not on the top 10. 2003. 2003? 2003. Family friendly movie. Shark Tale.

So, so close. Finding Nemo. Yes. Whoa. Okay, that makes sense. Told Nemo. Yes, correct. Whoa! Okay, that makes sense. Told you guys it was gonna be Family Friend. I was confused by the no Star Wars, but Nemo, Nemo makes sense.

God damn it. Okay, wow. Wow, and this is the kind of trivia night that we could have at our DVD bar. Yeah. Where all of your cocktails are served on 10 DVDs. We'll call it Flippers. We do, we do Flippers, and it's based on,

and whenever people say, why is it called, I know why flippers has to do with flipping DVDs, what does it have to do with DVD? And you say, because Finding Nemo is the best selling DVD of all time. And flipper is the name of a dolphin from a different property. And then we ask them, do you have a reservation?

And they're like, no. And then we're like, it's okay actually, we're empty. You want to flip a DVD to see where you sit we can see you look definitely see you anywhere anywhere is fine the bartender and the owner were clearly just having an argument it's called working for equity you'll get paid on the back end oh Oh, and the mascot. You're investing in the company and then. The mascot for flippers could be

Crush the Turtle from Finding Nemo. This all comes back around. This is so complicated. This is expensive. Holy crap. And also why is it called flippers? I guess he had, they got flippers. They do have flippers.

Turtle legs are called flippers. He's a sea turtle, when you're a sea turtle, yeah. All right, another idea. This one comes from Charby. Charby writes, hello, turtles. Quick and easy one here feels like a slam dunk. If you can get multiple sources of advantage, all additional sources can turn into a simple plus one.

Oh, that's interesting. So your party's battle master fighter uses trip attack on your BBEG, knocking them prone, creating advantage for other party members to attack. And the party mastermind rogue uses a bonus action to help each source of advantage instead of being wasted, for else, would just become a plus one.

Yeah, this is hot. I really like that idea, actually. That makes sense, because Fide kind of simplified it just so it was like, advantage is just, you just get the one advantage. But it does make sense that it would be, you know, if one of the players tackles someone and they're prone, and one of the players casts something

that like would magically enhance their shot, it would be even easier. Yeah. I also think it would make for some creative, unique moments where your characters would try to do stuff that they weren't necessarily good at. If it's like, oh, I actually have a plus two to this. So like, I actually might go for it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's kind of fun to like- I have an advantage and a plus two. Right, sometimes like a character has like a natural ability that gives them advantage too. And you like, like role playing, you still want to help them somehow. This is great, because there's definitely times,

especially with like silvery barbs or something like that, where like you line up an advantage for someone and then you find out like, oh, they already had advantage and you feel like you've wasted those spells left. So yeah, this feels like a great solve for that. I almost feel like it could be juiced up. I feel like it could be plus two. I feel like it could be plus two, right?

I actually think that's too much. I think I like it as plus one. I think plus one with advantage is still gonna feel so powerful. Yeah, I guess if it's all pre-roll, then it feels pretty intense. I think you get away with plus two. You can make it a D4 if you wanna be crazy about it.

You can make it a DVD. Oh, and if it's the art side, it's plus one. If it's the shiny side, it's plus two. No, shiny side is good. We want shiny side. That's what I said, plus two. It's plus two. There's no's the shiny side is no shiny side is good. We watch There's no negative on a DVD Shit yeah, I mean like if you make that a coin flip that's kind of fun like plus one or plus two

We found it folks. We got there doesn't name a price Okay, okay I mean we could give them a grab give them a window seat at Flippers because it's actually currently empty. Yeah. Oh, and that's because the foot traffic. Yeah. We're going to get a cardboard cutout of a famous actor and you're going to be laughing as you eat your meal. And so people are going to think like, wow,

Michael Shannon is eating at this restaurant. That's crazy. Michael Shannon, Walton Goggins, and then someone we don't know. I got to go. I got to check out Flippers. God, I want to overhear that conversation. To be a fly on the wall at Flippers. Yeah, once they see the DVDs as the plates, people will start coming in.

They're not coming in right now, because I think they don't know the connection between the DVDs and Fliippers and Finding Nemo. Oh, the bathrooms could be really heavily Finding Nemo themed. Okay. Yeah. Like to a point where we get a cease and desist. That could be fun. Right.

We can make our own. We can make our own crush the sea turtle. Oh yeah. Crash. Oh, that. Oh yeah. Crash. Oh that'd be cool. But not Crash, but any kind of Crash Bandicoot. We'll just Photoshop Crash Bandicoot eyes on Crush. And we'll be like, Crash is kinda nuts.

He's not chill at all. He's gonna flip out. He's gonna flip out, yeah. There is a Crash DVD, and if you get that one, he just comes out and wrecks your neck. Yeah, we do have to pay someone in a suit, like in the dead of New York summer to be crash. Hey, you really can't take the helmet off.

The kids need to think that you're crash. People can see how much you're sweating when you take the hat off and they start to feel bad for you. I caught Goggans bribing the waiter to get the crash DVD. What's that all about? Yeah. Goggans was an extra in that. Goggans loves crash.

Okay. All right, you guys, we've got time for one more pitch. This one comes. Where did the time go? Did we invent a curse? DVDs, mostly DVDs. Yeah. Time flies when you are trapped in the void of flippers.

Our new terrible game show. Time flies when you are trapped in the void of flippers. Our new terrible game show. Time flies when you're looking at DVDs, not watching them, looking at them. How successful were DVDs? By year. I think we got something there. This is, yeah. This is the bonus round for winter to come out.

There was Cars, Spider-Man, Dark Knight, Avatar, Shrek 2. Avatar, how did none of us guess Avatar? This is future content. Holy shit, in the top 10, rounding out the top 10. You wanna know what it was? Yeah, I do. Yes. God damn. Don't say you wanna know what that is.

We're guessing what it is. Is it Fight Club? Is that Fight Club? Okay, yeah. Is it anything we've said yet? Nothing you've said yet. God damn it. Something we love.

Something we love? Flintstones. Not Flintstones, you're on the right track. Lilo and Stitch. On the right track. Anything we've said yet? Nothing you've said yet. God damn it. Something we love. Something we love? Not Flintstones. You're on the right track. Lilo and Stitch. On the right track? No, but you're on the right track. On the right track.

So it's gotta be something from the one of the rivers. Grinch, Grinch. Oh my God. Family friendly. The original Jim Carries the Grinch? Wow. Which came out November 2001. That's awesome.

The world needed to laugh. Yeah. Okay, laughing. Theoretically they shot they shot it before. They scrambled to get the crunch done. They're just like the American eats the crunch. Get to the end of it. Right now. Don't care how you get here. Get Jim Carrey in makeup. I know that we planned on releasing this in June but it needs to come out six months earlier.

Jim Carrey was in costume when the news hit. Yeah. God. Okay. This one comes from Rebecca. Okay. Hello turtles, simple homebrew item, the sword of screaming. It has one of the D10 charges on it.

Okay. It can be added onto a hit like a smite. A charge does oned8 thunder damage. You can add any amount of charges to any hit. When the sword runs out of charges, it explodes, dealing however much damage dealt in the last attack to the wielder and can never be used again. Oh, that is really fun. When wielding the sword, the wielder cannot make stealth checks as the sword is constantly

screaming. Wow. Okay. All I ask for in return is a single egg. What a fucking- That's what I say, recession. For me to decorate using the pisanki egg technique. Whoa, hold on.

I don't know what that is. Whoa, pisanki. Stop the fucking recording. I've never heard of that. Pisanki egg technique. Okay, pisanki eggs. I'm looking it up. Oh, those are pretty.

Okay, wow. Yeah. Describe it. Describe for the audio. It looks like a, I'm just going to flip a DVD actually instead. Uh, it's like a very ornate kind of like symmetrical pattern on an egg. Very complex, like a really, uh, complicated ornate quilt, uh, painted onto an egg. Beautiful. Gorgeous. A quilt egg. A quilt egg. Okay. I really like this idea. Screaming sword. I'm immediately imagining a incredibly heightened dramatic moment where you're like, all right, I'm probably gonna die from this but so is the bad guy. That's cool. And you're like, I'm gonna use five charges.

I'm imagining like a character moment like you killed my father and now and the sword is just going Sorry what I can't hear you who are you not music really loud in this flippers Not being able to stealth ever is kind of not worth Kind of a bad item. Well, I bet I think it's like literally an item You use like one time you find it and then you just go nuts Oh, I guess all the charges at once. Yeah, except all of that damn Wow It's like literally an item you use like one time. You find it. And then you just go nuts and let it blow up. Oh, use all the charges at once and accept all of that damage.

Wow. Does it regain charges, did they say? No, I think it does not. If you feed it a balanced meal, it regains charges. That's what I heard, cause the sword has a mouth, right? That's right. I mean, it has to scream. Would you guys, SDMs, let people put it in a bag of holding

to stifle the scream or would you be like, nah, dude? I think that seems fair. I think that seems fair, right? Yeah. I think you could put like a towel in its mouth or something like that and like muffle it. I don't think you're ever like getting rid of the scream, but I think you can muffle the scream.

I almost wonder if there's a version of this that has a dice roll element to it, where essentially the more charges you let off, the higher the save is, and that it will explode on a low roll. That's cool. And then there's a risk every time, as opposed to it just being like,

if you know you have five charges, you're probably just gonna use four and then throw the sword away, right? Murphy, I think you just described a gun blade, which is a different thing, but like twice as awesome. We should just like, you know what? Let's put a pin in that conversation.

We're gonna put that in a separate tank. We're gonna keep working on that. Yeah. Okay, okay. There is, there was something in- No pins in the tank though. There was something in Critical Role- Dangerous for the-

Campaign one, where there was a sword that could like kind of absorb souls if I'm remembering correctly. Cool. And if you rolled poorly on like a save, the character could like die. It was like a cursed sword. That mechanic is, it's very interesting

to have it come down to a roll with very dire consequences when bad things happen. So I like the idea of being like, maybe every time you swing it, there's a constitution save or some kind of concentration check essentially so that you have the lightning going out as opposed to, you know, hurting you.

That's definitely like a, probably a good tweak. But for me, you're like, you use it four times and as opposed to hurting you. That's definitely probably a good tweak, but for me, you're like, you use it four times and then you throw it out. No, I definitely, I wanna take that damage. Why? Yeah, go out in a blaze of glory. Or even just like, you still have one left, you're like, all right, well, I'm gonna do it once.

Go down fighting and shouting. You could do it like that. You use four at once, and then you use once and shouting. Yeah. You could do it like that. You use four at once and then you use once and take the damage. Yeah. We need to put more cursed weapons in our campaigns. Cause now that we've been playing for a while, I used to dangle cursed items in front of you guys

when we were all first starting out. And when you're new to D&D, you're like, I don't want my character to die. I don't want anything bad to happen. And you don't want to do it. Now I think we're, we've all played enough that we're like, I want the talking sword please. You know what it is though?

I feel like everyone needs to have cursed items because I would feel rude if I accepted a cursed item and then I was burdened to the group. And then it's screwed over the party. Yeah. Right. But I think if it's something like this where just like your sword might blow up and hurt you.

I think it's super fun. It's not as bad as if a sword is just like, you might kill your friends in the middle of the night. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I'm not crazy about the sword constantly screaming It's not as bad as if it sort is just like you might kill your friends in the middle I'm not crazy about the sword constantly screaming, but I feel like that's it's funny the idea Yeah, a one person scream might be another person's song. That's beautiful. Wow, right? So like what is what is scream? Are you gonna take my order or not? Scream is just screamo without the emo, right? That's really true. Maybe the store just needs its band backing it up and then like the music is beautiful.

It's really- Yeah, I still haven't gotten my water. I'm working on Walton's order, okay? Yeah. I think we're in on this one. I think we're in a couple tweaks. I think we all like it in different ways. Everyone's been so modest.

I think that like next time we do this, I think you guys need to like drive a harder bargain. Yeah, you forget we are we are egg rich. Yeah. Should we give everyone who pitched a bonus Psyankey egg? Yeah. Sure. You guys need to ask for a lot of money and give up not a lot of equity. That's what we're looking for. In fact, your first meal, actually no, not full meal, your first appetizer is free when you come to Flippers and you need to come. If you sit in the window and look like you're having a great time. We're hammering money. And if you get a free appetizer, you will, you have to order an entree and

dessert. And if you could mention the Finding Nemo bathroom in the Yelp, that I think really gets some foot traffic. It's actually a four drink minimum too. Oh, here's how we get away. The turtle in the bathroom is dead. Here's how we get away with the trademark. It's Finding E too. Oh, here's how we get away. The turtle in the bathroom is dead. Here's how we get away with the trademark. It's finding emo.

Oh, emo. And like finding emo has, it's definitely that joke's been done before I guarantee it. But just like Nemo with a little swoop bangs. And he does perform, there's a little stage in the back, kind of like showbiz pizza. And like he's gonna, there's gonna be an animatronic turtle and he's gonna perform screamo music while you eat.

Yeah. And then we are, we're not gonna be able to get around the trademark on that, unless they do all sea based kind of puns based on. At a certain point, this restaurant is so successful that we don't need to get around the trademark. They can come to us in court and we can fight it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

In fact, we take them, we preemptively take them to court. We counter sue. They have to settle, cause they don't want them to court. We counter sue. They have to settle, because they don't want us to drag them through the legal process. It's easier to give up the rights to finding an emote to us. They don't want to be in a protracted legal dispute with us. And we're willing to be.

Yeah. We don't have anything else to do. Disney, you're turning down so much free advertising, because we're going to have all the DVDs in there. People are going to be able to see. We'll be selling the DVDs. We're willing to do. Disney, you're turning down so much free advertising because we're gonna have all the DVDs in there. People are gonna be able to see. We'll be selling the DVDs. We're willing to partner. Yeah.

We wanna make it the biggest selling DVD of 2025. Just like it was in 2003. All right, with that, we're gonna wrap this one up. Thank you all so much for listening. You can head on over to our Patreon to listen to the after show. We're actually gonna be doing D&D Court, so if you'd like to hear D&D Court this week, head on over to our Patreon to listen to the after show. We're actually going to be doing D&D court. So if you'd like to hear D&D court this week,

head on over to patreon.com slash NADPOD. That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D. Don't sing yet. Don't do it. Don't do it. I'm lost in the tank. We've got some things to plug. We've got some Dimension 20 live shows. We've got on July 20th, we've got Seattle. And in November, we're going to be in Las Vegas.

So search Dimension 20 live. Boom, baby Check out my sub stack sub stack comm slash at Jake Hurwitz Yeah, there's a new one coming out on Friday and check out my sub stack account where I don't post but people keep following it It's kind of nice. Nice. It feels good. It's just like a little check-in And I'll go ahead and plug a couple things from the PO box. Let's see here. Oh, somebody sent us a blue hole fridge magnet from Santa Rosa, New Mexico. And it is on my fridge now. I can't flip it, it's on the fridge

and that's where it's gonna remain. I love fridge magnets. I have a new fridge that can take fridge magnets. It's magnetic. Please send me fridge magnets, I like it. Your fridge couldn't take fridge magnets before? The upstairs fridge can't take magnets for some reason. It's like not the right type of metal.

That's heartbreaking. I also love fridge magnets. Stainless steel, does stainless steel not take metal? I don't, you know, I don't, I'm not a pharaoh chemist. Let's talk more about fridges. I just didn't even know they were making fridges that couldn't take magnets. Denamelist sent us an autographed copy

of the cast recording of Goosebumps, the musical. So. I definitely didn't know that existed. But it's got Alex Breitman from Beetlejuice. So it's probably pretty good. I'm excited to listen to it. Hell yeah. And then Jay Narissa sent us some birch syrup from Canada.

Apparently it tastes like maple syrup, but not as good. Is that what they said? That's what they said. That's so funny. So anyway, yeah, thanks so much for submitting stuff, folks. It's always fun to see what goodies have arrived. So I appreciate it. Hell yeah.

Thank you. And you can follow us on social media there, we're mayoramayor.use, at CH vs. me, at call this call, at AxtroGemily, and at jcourtsyzjake. And you can talk about the show online using hashtag nadpod. That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D.

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