Not Another D&D Podcast - Trinyvale - Ep. 10: Pirate Panic

Episode Date: May 18, 2020

As the freshly liberated legions of the Dread Horizon descend upon Mercurio’s ship, our heroes prepare for an all-out aerial assault! Jens shows off his driving skills, Onyx gets gigantically jealous and Nyack adds cannons to the canon as Retrieval Team 22 prepares to squash these sinister swashbucklers once and for all!Music CreditsSound Design by Daniel Ramos (www.TheDanielRamos.com and @Dr.Schubird on IG)"Trinyvale Intro and Outro" by Emily Axford“Golden Interlude” by Emily Axford“City in the Clouds” by Emily Axford“Where the Mountain Meets the Sky” by Emily Axford "Blavin Blandfoot's Bellowing Blunders" by Jens Christian Tvilum"Dance of Knives“ by Jens Christian Tvilum“Moonsick“ by Jens Christian TvilumSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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I am defeated before we even begin. I'll be slash. A world where captains are controlled by crystalline chaos. Fear some foes become humble hunkles, and the DM behind it all gets absolutely walked. You got your bell wrong. O, ring a ding ding, it is a true adventurer's paradise. Today's story begins with another story's ending. As the last breaths of life flee from the severed head of Raster von

Vienhart, something stirs deep in the heart of a forgotten play. As the last breaths of life flee from the severed head of Raster von Weinhardt, something stirs deep in the heart of a forgotten play. Amidst the cruel iron towers of the Grey Chaos, a crystalline prison pulses brightly. Insighted, a fractal figure's face breaks into a hideous grin. Back in the sky, the Trinneville Trio stares in shock as an army of Amped Pirates prepare for a good old-fashioned pirate raid. Will our heroes survive the dogfight? Or are they dogfucked? Only time will tell. And so, without further ado, let's rejoin Retrieval Team 22 and begin Chapter 10 of the

Trinaville Adventure. Chapter 10! Chapter 10! Chapter's books! Get excited for reading! I prepared a lot for you this episode. Just hand out pamphlets. Oh no. Dear me.

Hello friends and welcome back to the table. I'm your dungeon master or dunkel called Waltanner joined by who wants to introduce themselves first. Me, Jens Lindell, doing sword ballet in the benefactors' chalet. Oh! Oh! Annex Lumière, crystalline, philistine. Wow! I don't totally know what that second word means actually to be honest.

Pretty sure it was. Okay. Niaq, my feet are smelly, but it's just jelly. Eeeh! Ha ha ha! Three equally impressive rhymes about equally impressive people. Okay, I know you're all excited for this sky high showdown, but first, how about a quick recap? Yes, please. Alright, you may have one.

Perfect. When last we met, you three with the help of the war goddess Leont, had just escaped from the benefactor, aka Nalar, the god of time and tides, Warpside Mansion, and were headed towards Vainedos in Mercurio Delurio's Silver Airship. Unfortunately, before you could get too far, you were accosted by a group of airships belonging to the Dread Horizon. A group of sky pirates led by Raster von Feinhart, a Crystal Hunter and the man who killed Jin's father.

His ships surrounded yours and he boarded your vessel, promising that he would let you go if you gave him the crystals. You three rejected his offer and to seal the deal, Jin's launched an allarian time dagger right at his father's killer. The dagger struck true and Rast was cursed at late frozen in time. You three then started absolutely wailing on Rast, eventually knocking the mask off his face and revealing that one of his eyes was now possessed by a pastel demonic presence. Suspecting what was happening, Onyx tried to finish off Rast to keep him quiet, but only succeeded in bringing forth the demon lurking within.

In a flash, Rast came back to life and parried Onyx's attack with his sword, which was revealed in the moment to be the same shard that killed her parents years back on the smaller moon of Pollux. And so after an anticlimactic battle with Rast, U3 entered into a secondary battle with the demonic presence known as Verlis. However, you three came prepared and kicked Verlis's ass even harder than you did last. Jinz and Lisa Flurry of Flourishes, Niaq used Jam covered arrows to pierce the demons Crystal and Armor and Onyx brandished her mall skillfully but with a

newfound sense of uncertainty. Uh-oh. Eventually, you managed to best Verlis, but as he fell, he whispered to Onyx, claiming that by killing Rass, she had now become his champion, and would one day be called to aid in his chaotic machinations. With the demon temporarily quelled, Jens brought Rass back from the brink. Through painful gasps, Rass then revealed that he sought the shard saber, a blade known as the beckoning void, as a means of defeating Jin's father, Lazlick Lindell, and a duel. He explained that Lazlick was in fact his half-brother, and that if he could defeat him, Lazlick

would have no choice but to leave the city of Ilavas and return to Verdantha to serve at Rast's side. After hearing this tale, Jin's wavered but eventually decided to give Rast a just death. You all mourn the loss of your uncle, but your eulogy was cut short. As the pirate crews above you began to cheer with excitement at the death of their former captain. Led by their former first mate,

the pirates trained their cannons on you and prepared to fire. And that is where we are now. Oh boy. Oof. Rest body lies dead on the ground of Mercurio's ship. We honor you, Uncle. Uncle.

You close the eyes of the head that you cut off? Yeah. Respect, respectfully. I close the gap in the neck from where you cut off the head. I dragged the arm a little bit closer to the body and make it look like they're together. I have respectfully punted off the ship. I get obsidian to stop taking a leak on it. Just wow. It's like a Catholic funeral. So as you are making these delicate funeral preparations, above you, ships canons are adjusting their aim and preparing to fire.

You all brace for the impact from these cannonballs, but before they fire, five missiles appear from above and strike all the ships simultaneously. And you look up into the sky and you see a huge golden silhouette blocking the sun itself. As your eyes adjust, you realize it's the golden techno mech, Keith and his crew stole from club silver way back in Vainelar. It's a good thing you've been staying in touch. I guess all of those pictures with that girl were just a decoy for what he was really

doing which is coming to see me. Maybe she's here too. Yeah, see a girl up there. They look really good. I blind myself. I don't, I think there's not. She's a copilot usually sit in the pilot's lap. I don't know, Keebee. She's not his type. I'm just gonna do a pure luck role to see what Keezed's relationship status is. Oh, it's a nine. ambiguous. It's complicated. The mech turns its head towards you and through a loud speaker you hear Keezed shout. Sorry, it took us so long to get here.

You three are very hard to keep up with. Now come on, so his missiles won't hold them off forever. You look around at the ships and you see that the missiles were more of a distraction than anything. The Ken balls they fired fired off just into the sky, totally off course, but you can see the ships adjusting their propellers and writing themselves for another salvo. You see Mercurio runs over and says, well, y'all, it looks like we got a bit of a dog fight on our hands.

I don't think we can outrun them, but we're not ducks in the water either. This craft can hold our own. He slams a button on a nearby console, and two cannons pop up on either side. By the way, does anyone else want to fly? I know the basics myself, but I ain't a pro. Does anyone here drive like a really cool car? I guess. I own one, actually.

It's been in the shop for a while, but I absolutely can fly this thing. Are you sure, my friend? I drive all the time, and I tell him how often I drive. He drives every day. Many times a day. This thing controls like a Corvette. It's pretty finicky. That's what you can have.

And I have a Corvette. Oh, man. A fellow Corvette club. Yes. That's a Corvette, brother? Yeah, well, sometimes it's a Corvette. Sometimes it's a Corvette. It's mine.

Oh, magical shapeshift and car. There you go. He knows. See another man of fine taste. Oh, magical shapeshift and colors. There you can, he knows. See another man of fine taste. Oh man, a fine taste and tea. Why don't you hop into that pilot seat, my friend? You got it. Hop into the pilot seat. Awesome.

So we have two cannons. If you all want to take those, or if you want to do something else, if you want to all cram it to the pilot seat, you could try that too. Up to you. I believe I will... Manakannon. I will Manakannon, but I will just whisper. I often see my brother afoot. Keep an eye... keep a close eye on him.

Yes, yeah. I would like to, um, keep an eye on... Chance. Why is everyone looking at me? Take a picture. How the cool, right? You're keeping the cockpit door open. Yeah. Yeah. OK, so the way this is going to work,

we're going to have a bit of a sky battle. OK. I have your cannon stats, so I'll tell you how much damage they do. Let's go ahead and roll initiative for the two cannons, the pilot and the ships. Sweet. I call Falco. Guess I should be thankful. 20 for the two cannons, the pilot and the ships. Sweet. I call Falco. Guess it should be thankful.

20 for the cannon. 14 for this cannon. 23 for Falco. Wow, okay. The pilot with an attitude. I turn to a Nia and I say, there's precious cargo on a Geats ship. And it's not his new girlfriend.

It's him, okay. So just be careful. Do not hit Keith. You got it But actually maybe do aim for his new girlfriend You honor me with this responsibility This is Karen. Oh, I feel sick to my stomach Karen and Keith. It's too cute. Is it with a seal or a picture? They're wedding website here. Have a baby baby it'll fill you up. Thank you. The palliative nature of baby. What are you chewing out there? Can't you just picture another couple saying are we going to Keith and Karen's party tonight? Oh I always call them Karen and Keith.

I'm gonna kill you Karen. She's dead. I yell from the cockpit. They're on our side. Everyone focus up. Thank you so much. It's not on our side, brother. Karen is on our side. I, you're so friendly. I didn't realize you're also a sociopath. In battle, everyone is my enemy. You battle-sash.

Sir. All right, so, um, Jins, you run up into the cockpit. Mercurio sits in beside you, puts on a headset. In the cockpit, you see three levers labeled with small icons. The icons are a wing, a shield, and a fireball. And next to the levers is a meter that reads ship power. The meter is currently at green. Okay.

So again, for a refresher on the placement of all the ships, directly above you is the black galleon ship. It's slightly bigger. It is kind of the flag ship. And then in every compass direction, north, east, west, and south, there are smaller ships. There is the western flame, the northern shore, the southern wind, and the eastern rock.

Sweet. And each of those ships is 600 feet apart from you at the moment. The black ship is 600 feet above you. And of course, above all of that is Keith in the Golden Techno Mech. There are about 600 feet above the black galleon. And your ship currently can move 300 feet per hour on the same thing for the other ships. Sweet. And the black alien is how much I don't know about us.

600 feet above us, right? Okay. And then everything else, and then we're surrounded on all sides by four ships. Yeah, four ships. And then what are those ships called? It's to the south, it's the southern. There's a ship with a red flag, which is the western flame. There's a ship with a blue flag, which is the northern shore. Ship with a green flag, which is the southern wind, and a ship with a red flag, which is the western flame. There's a ship with a blue flag, which is the northern shore,

ship with a green flag, which is the southern wind, and a ship with a brown flag, which is the eastern rock. This is not a puzzle, this is just a way for you to distinguish. Oh, okay, gotcha. Gotcha. Yeah. Awesome.

I was sure it was like a hint of like what they were, you know, like elemental weaknesses. Yeah. No, it's just like, if I'm gonna have a three-dimensional aerial space battle, I should probably give him some hints as to who's where. Sure. Awesome. So, Jins, you're up first. Sweet, how many buttons can I press in a turn? I'm gonna say you can press one button per turn. Oh boy. They're levers though. Oh okay. They can be buttons if you want. You want to press a button?

I kind of do want to press a button. All right, they're big buttons. Sweet. Oh boy, these are too big for my delicate fingers. Totally used to smaller buttons in his car. Thank you, my Corvette. Very small buttons. And on his thamagachi. There's so many hours on his foot. No, I don't.

No, I don't. Shut up, everyone. Fuck the North Shore. I guess I'll shoot straight ahead with the fireball towards, I guess I always just assume I'm facing North. Yeah. So I'm just gonna fly North and shoot at the one

straight ahead of us. Okay, so you press the fireball button? Yeah. All right, so when you do that, the ship power switches to yellow, okay. And you don't actually fire anything when that happens. But I will say Onyx and Nyak, a little light with the text X2 appears on both of your cannons.

Oh. Okay, I think we can shoot this twice to charges. Did you want to move as well? Yeah, moving towards the north one. Just going forward. Great, so you're moving 300 feet towards the north one. Yep, great. That puts you out of range from the other ships,

except for the Black Galley and, of course, the northern shore. I think this thing is broken. Nothing's happening in here. This isn't like my car at all. Oh, you mean it's not in the shop? Right, yes. It's worth it.

This is exactly the interior of my cool vet. I don't understand. Maybe you got a custom job. I was talking about my Porsche. Okay, the Corvette is different the Corvette I prefer the Porsche Shut up everyone Yeah, you only have one car you pro Canons Okay, that brings us to Onyx You are within firing range on the North Shore Which is the blue ship

You look at this cannon and you inspect it, you see the little X2 that's lit up. You also see that it has a ballista function and you see that there is a kind of big grappling hook spear loaded into the bottom of it as well. You can use it on Karen. Yeah. First of all, I look up, I make eyes at Karen.

Hello. I do the whole point at my eyes, point at her. Yeah, first of all, I look up I make eyes at Karen Hello I do the old point at my eyes point at her. He just told me so much about you I don't even care. I'm still just doing the slice my thumb across my throat Yes, we should go by necklaces together. It's up to be so fun Nyakrips one of jens's black gloves Yeah, I think I need those now. And then I may perhaps do the grappling hook. You're gonna try and grapple the blue ship, the northern shore.

I may dry. Hell yeah, do it. All right, cool. Sounds dope. Okay, so how does this attack? It's plus six to hit. So just go ahead and give me a roll. 20. That hits.

Hell yeah. So you grapple this ship. What do you want to do now? You've got it grappled. You can retract it or you can just leave it there and maybe send a minion out to try and take it over. Hell yeah. I think I'd like to send a minion out but also perhaps suggest a gents that we could quick turn around and try and hit another boat with it. Don't hate that idea. That's super cool. Okay, I'm gonna say that you can do that on your next turn. You've got it grappled now.

Yeah. But I guess, yes, I'm gonna say that that would be a good suggestion. Yeah, that would be on Jens turn. Cool. But I will dispatch a minion. Mercaria, you should go. Z, you should go. See, you should go.

No, Z, don't go. What should I do? Should I go? Should I not go? Get in conflicting orders here. Don't go. Okay, I'll hang tight. It's a fun idea though, I love a zipline.

And I know those nomes do. I know, we'll try to set up another zipline for you. You hear Karen's like, oh cool, did you set up a zipline? Yes, Karen, I set up a fucking zipline. I'd like to see you try to do that. Keith and I love to zipline together. We built one, we are in zipline club. That's classic friend behavior.

Don't feel threatened, they're just butts. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Too bad he doesn't do more romantic shit with you. Yeah, Keith and I never got a chance to leave the bedroom. Ha ha ha ha. So, the only z zip line was my tongue. Yes, you told me all about it. He's just very open about the sexual exploits.

He's very open in general, I'd say. Sounds like he has a lot of sexual exploits on it. Okay, that's gonna be NiaX turn. I get Karen in my crosshairs. Nia, I have no. I have no. I have no. I have no.

I have no. I have no. That's the last second I am at the ship that we have grappled. Okay. Ooh. 12. 12 hits. Wow.

Awesome. Oh yeah, ships don't wear armor. Yeah, it's a big old ship. Ships don't wear armor. Yeah, it's wood, they are made of wood. I am learning so much. Okay, so you hit it with a can of ball because Gens has activated the firepower button, you get two shots, I want you hit again. Oh hell yeah.

Shall I aim this one up a Karen? We will save her for last. Ha ha. Ha ha. You are sadistic. Ha ha ha ha. 16. 16 that hits. All right.

You fire another cannonball. It blasts into the Northern Shore. It's not looking great. There's two big holes in it now. The propellers are spinning a little slower. But it's still staying in the air. And that brings us to, hmm, the propellers are spinning a little slower, but it's still staying in the air. And that brings us to the pirates turn. Okay, I think that the southern, eastern, and western ship are all going to approach.

So that's going to put them back on range for y'all. Cool. All right. I'll play right into my hand. I guess I should be thankful That's my Falco because in terms of moving right you could move around I've got this on it again. I've driven before a lot. So I'm just gonna have them all attack it once He takes long walks to the racetrack I think

Okay Ha ha! Okay. Hit, hit, hit. They all hit yikes. Okay, fun. Um, so let's put you in. Oh dear. Emmer Curio, you have a strong boat, right? You have boat armor, right? You're like the richest man in the world.

I have a boat armor button that increases the armor of the boat. And it might be wise to use that now. He's not that rich, he only has one Corvette. Ha ha ha ha! And it might be wise to use that now. He's not that rich, he only has one Corvette. Okay. Okay. Okay. And the Northern Shore is going to try and get the grappling hook out of them.

I'm just gonna say that's gonna be a raw string contest. I'm gonna say that they're like dispatching one of their crewmen to try and like free it. So on next, that was your grappling hook. Yes. So why don't we just do a raw string content? Oh dear, I have a bardic inspiration I haven't used yet. Oh yeah go ahead.

The 10. 14. There you go. All right. Thanks to the seven from the bardic inspiration. It is one of those real nasty barbed jobs and it stays firmly in there. Yeah. Awesome.

So that leaves the black galleon and I think they are going to, hmm. They're also just going to fire a cannon as well. And they're going to move forward to keep pursuing. So everyone is back within range now. That's going to hit Yikes. All right. Mercuria's going to hit Yikes. All right. Mercuria's ship is not looking great. Fox, get this guy off me.

Ha ha. But luckily, the last person in the order is of course Keith and the Golden Techno Mech. I'm gonna say, for this round, Onyx, I'm gonna let you do it. I want you to roll a D6 and a D4. Three and four. Oh awesome. You got a four on the D4. Yes. Hell yeah. All right. So, oh, who do you want to attack? I would say let's attack the... because we are currently grappling the northern one. Yeah. Let's attack the eastern one. Okay. Cool. Keith, save me! So, with a three, the TechnoMac will be using their right hand, which you see they

ball into a fist and from a sheath on the right hand, shink! A huge golden sword appears and it powers up for full damage and slashes. Let's make sure it actually hits. Oh, it fucking hits. Hell yeah. Yes, it is my dream. You see the Eastern rock fully gets sliced in half and falls out of the sky.

Great work, Karen. Oh, fuck me. Absolutely, fuck me. Karen is controlling half of the ship. I guess you could say she's my bet to half Or I could not keep sure it's up to you as pose All right, so let's watch ship out of the way Jins back to you. You're piloting sweet. I would like to throw the old shield up great Awesome that increases the AC of the ship by five sweet and then I would like to throw the old shield up. Great. Awesome. That increases the AC of the ship by five, sweet.

And then I would like to use my movements. Are you going to deactivate the cannonball? Are you gonna keep that going, too? I'll keep it going. All right, so when you pull that second lever, you see that the ship power switches down to orange. Okay, got it. Mercurio is like, are you sure you wanna do that?

That's getting pretty dicey. I like things dicey for a curio. All right, I'm going to try to back up into the space that the Eastern one was just in, and basically swing the one that we have grappled into the Western physics, baby. Fuck y'all, allow that. I guess...

You're like starting to do a K-turn. Yeah, exactly. Yes, it's a K-turn. I've done this before. Oh, K-turn, yeah, obviously. Yes. That's car drivers do this all the time. I love to drive a car.

You get the sense that maybe Mercurio doesn't have a car either. Yeah, this guy knows he drives. I love the wheels. Yeah, I love the way he goes down the street. Both of you are miming driving a car like typing at a keyboard. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

OK, I start to think what fucking role this would be. Do you want to just give me an afflatic or acrobatics using your stats since you're doing it? Can I do a sleight of hands? Yeah, because you're controlling steering, but why not? Oh, yeah. You need a subtle hook at hand.

12? 12. Okay, I'm gonna say that you managed to do a perfect K-turn and swing around into that space, but as you're like backing into the space where the Eastern ship was, you give it a little too much gas and you wobble a bit, but you still manage to whip the Northern ship around

and totally whack into the Western flame. Nice. Since the Northern shore had already taken two points of damage, it just explode. Wow, yeah. It just explode. Yeah. Explinters. And you see that the Western flame takes two cannonball hits. Who's reaching? I will take that.

Yeah. Yeah. That bad. Did you get that on Trinstagram? I was doing a pose with my, against the cannon. I'm sorry. I just thought I was looking at the pose that I do. I missed that because I've done a deep hole on Karen's turnstagram All right, and that brings us to Nyak. Oh, all right. Yes Brother keep on driving just like you do all the time. Yes, exactly. That was a

Jay turn I think I've heard well, yes, of A J-turn. Oh, I love all the turns. Yeah. All 26 of them, one for each letter of the alphabet. There you go. Onyx, I must confess, I saw him at a drive-through once on an E-scuder. Ha-ha-ha-ha. Just these are the kind of secrets you keep to your chest

for the rest of your life. Yes, I understand. What are you all talking about out there? I think it might be my turn now. Is it not on X before? Oh fuck, yeah. Onyx, that is your turn. Cool, I will.

I think I will just cannonball what's ahead of us. Great, so you're going to cannonball the Western ship. Yes. Great, all right, go ahead and roll. 16. 16, that hits. Excellent. Oh yes.

So you can in ball the Western ship. Takes one more cannonball of damage. It's looking. Oh yes. So you can and ball the Western ship. Pfft. Takes one more cannon ball of damage. It's looking messed up. Its propeller looks like a broken ceiling fan. It's just like wow, wow, wow. It's about to fall off. It seems like it's unscrewing itself a little bit. That's awesome.

That brings us to you. You get a second attack, right? Because the thing's still powered. Oh, it's still powered. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Yeah, kill it. This is definitely gonna hit 25. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He'll it.

That one can hit 25. 25 absolutely hits. Yes. No, I do an eye thing with Karen too. I point at my eyes and then I point over what Onyx is doing. Wow, you're all such a great team. You hear, Sarah. She doesn't get it at all.

I just feel like she's so fake, you know. She's like, pretend I'm gonna be really nice or she's like a really fake. She's dressed so hard. Who are you guys talking about? I heard someone say scooter. What were you talking about? Karen turns to Keith and tries to get this off of the loudspeaker, but you hear it a little bit She's like so as they like a thrupula something what's going on? She's trying to give me office tail This is it's working. She's trying to give me office tale. This is it's

working. She must be jealous. Good. I will play into her insecurity in this battle. We are fighting on the same side. Are you doing a romantic comedy out there? Jenz you must pretend to be Onyx's boyfriend quickly. Actually, you know, maybe that's not for this. I was gonna say no, but why would it, what does that mean? No, Yacht, do the cannonball. I straddle the cannonball, I'm fired.

Oh, what happened when that second one hit? Oh, yeah, it splinters. The Western flame totally explodes and goes down. I should mention as well that when the Northern Shore got destroyed, your grappling hook whizzed back in. It's retracted automatically. Yeah, yeah. So you only have the Southern Wind

and the Black Galley and Flagship above you. Awesome. So that is going to be Nyax turn. Cool. I have one leg on either side of the cannon and I'll aim it at the southern wind, you said is above us? The southern wind is coming up on your tail.

Cool, can I aim it at the southern wind? Yeah, you're within range, yes. Because you moved, you did the K turn. 18. 18 hits? Awesome. And you got double attack so that your first attack, that's one cannon ball hit.

This one's for you, Karen. Yeah. 16. 16 hits as well. You blast two cannonballs at this airship. You see it cracks through the mast. And then you see one mate peaking out through a porthole and he's like, what's going on out there? And then you just get totally blasted.

It goes perfectly through the porthole. It's amazing. And ten blasts way too loud. You forget that the ships are full of people. In this distance, we've dehumidized them. Did you see that guy? He totally got killed. Brother, please. I'm more and more and more. Why?

Obsidian. Why are we after Karen and feeling bad for that guy? I just would like the logic. I aimed for the wrong ship. What? You didn't know, that was the right one. She will taste our cannon blast. You two and your butter finger babies

and you're feeling bad for the wrong people and not feeling bad enough for the right people. So just to give you a little peak by the screen, your ship is at the orange health level. It's silver plating on the side of the ship. Jump, just kind of falls off from the cannibal hits you've taken and from the lowered power rating. In a rough spot, there are two pirate ships left.

We'll see what happens. They're gonna do attacks now. Is it the Black Gallion and the Southern Wind? The Southern Wind and the Black Galleon are the ships that are left. They are both within range of view. So, I'm going to roll for the black galleon now. Everyone, grab onto me. I have this grappling hook and if our ship starts to fail, maybe we can grapple onto something.

Black galleon misses. Can't whish, whish, whish, whish, whish, then the Southern Wind. Shout out to the two groups. Wow. Both Canibal's miss. That brings us to key. All right, let's see, Onyx, you got to go Niaq, you're next in the order.

Why don't you roll a D6 and a D4? Sure. A three on my D4. Okay. Three, I guess I could just say two threes. Three. Two threes. Excuse me?

It's so disappointing. It looked like a six from here. Oh, I'll just. Okay, so that's going to be the Super Sword again. You see Keith and Karen posing in the top of the ship. And they say, Super Sword, Techno sword techno mech go I hate when couples coordinate That's a lie. I appreciate the pizzazz It is so pizzazz. It's just it's cringey as

Really crazy what's cringey about dancing with your sword? They're doing so many like jazz fingers up there. It's the choreography Pekka, honestly, and I'm not even just saying this because Karen's here, but like I feel like I'm not even attracted to Keith anymore after saying this. So that's where I met. Techno-mech-ya. It's going to a rep-ya. They're singing a little song. God, he has such a masculine voice. Oh, God. Oh, Nyak, which shift do you want it to attack? Oh, Nyak, which shift do you want it to attack? The Golden Tech No Mech. You want it to run it to your self? I want Keith to attack him.

Please don't do that. Nyak, I command you not to attack if you... Fine. I must always listen to my baby brother. I'm older than you. You see the big baby brother? My to my baby brother. I have older than you. I see the big baby brother. My sweet big baby brother. Let's do this other in wind.

Southern wind, all right, great. It had already taken two cannibal hits, so the techno mech flies over, shh, shh, shh, shh, just does like three perfect slices. It actually spells out a K for Keith and Karen. Oh. And then the ship explodes.

And you've only got one ship left, you've only got the dread horizon flagship remaining. All right, and that brings us back to Captain Jins. Nice, I like the sound of that. I'm gonna go ahead and let up on that power thing. Okay, try to get some power back. That is a good idea. Which lever are you gonna release?

The, I'll release the firepower one. Cool, so your health goes back to yellow. Okay. Ship is looking a little better. So you're keeping shield on. Yes. Great. Okay, do you want to move as well?

Yes. Um, I, so you basically you've got the black galley and that is above you, but about 600 feet next to you. Okay. Because you moved back over to where the eastern chip was. So if you want to move again, you are welcome to. Okay. I am going to... spell cards. Yeah. I was gonna get this is a great maybe gonna get shenanigans of foot. I might do some shenanigans I probably have already used an action right to do like the lever. Yeah, yeah, that's an action Okay, then for now you know what I'm gonna do

I'm going to play this little cat and mouse game and try to gain a little health back Maybe maybe I'll try to drive us out of range. Nice. I think that's a good idea. Okay, so I'll just lower the ship 300 feet. Oh, you're lower it. Yeah. Awesome.

Okay. Yeah, the black gallium was already way above you, so yeah, you put it out of range. Hell yeah, I could call. So they're gonna need to use their movement to get towards you again. Sweet. But that is, Onyx's turn.

I suppose there's not much to do. Is there anything below us? How far are we from the ground? You are like thousands of feet in the air. You get the older reaction for them to get closer, isn't that? That's a good idea. Once they get close, I will hit them with a cannonball. Uh, Niaq, did you have another idea or do you want to do that as well? Am I allowed to cast like greater

Restoration on our ship to repair anything? I don't think that would work on a ship. That's probably mostly for organics. You could try and fix the ship though. If you wanted to do like an intelligence check and try and fix the ship, I don't have that. Yes, I'd like to climb up in the rigging and look at the start of the ship. Looks like a single digit from here. Ha ha ha. Seven. Seven.

Alright, so Niac, you head down to the engine room of the ship. Yoho, yoho. It's a pirate's life for me. Ha ha ha. And unfortunately, Niac, there's just so much oil down here. Oh, oil. Oh, it's everywhere. It's a trap down here brother.

What are you doing? There's just so much fluid of all sorts. I can't do it better than shit, I'm being attacked. I can only imagine that's the witchcraft of Karen. You vile witch Karen! Karen, 100% can't hear you. I'll get her for this. She will pay on Exxon.

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promo code pop-off at checkout. That's birddogs.com slash pop-off or promo code pop-off for a free Yeti-style tumbler. You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay, that's it for me, go team pants, and enjoy the show. Alright, so, Onyx, you're holding a reaction. Yes. Um, is Obsidian helping you with the cannon? Yes.

Awesome. Considering Obsidian has such a grotesque voice, I think manual labor might be more for obsidian. Give me a handable handling role. We can say that you've been working on this in your off time. Nine. Nine. So in your spare time, you have been trying to give obsidian vocal lessons. It is not taken thus far. Obsidian, you know, sometimes not every opinion needs to be voiced obsidian. You do see the obsidian. Get a fucking blog, you girl. He's horrible. I can do it too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cut it's catching, it's catching. All right, awesome. So, you line your cannon up with a black galleon. You prepare to reaction. They're the last ship left. They don't want this prey. They don't want Mercurio's ship, which is a fancy-ass ship. It's called the Boon of Nadas. It is

like a one-of-a-kind silver-like craft, and they're not gonna pass up an opportunity to junk it. So they're just gonna plummet down. They're gonna like basically open up their sails and like stop the propeller, so they just do like a dead drop towards your ship with their guns of blazing. But since you held a reaction, you get to go first. Shoot him. Yes, I suppose I will just shoot them.

All right. 15. 15. That misses. Okay. So since Jin's turned off the double fire power, you only get one shot. Okay.

I miss my one shot. Which is past. I look at Keith as I say that. It's a very loaded sentence. You've got to shoot your shot. I guess I missed my one shot. You see, I think what happens is you are like steadying this cannon about to fire.

And then at the last moment, you're obsidian go, ah! God, you scared the shit out of me! And your aim is totally off. That's gonna be the ship. It's going to fire a cannon at you. Oh, no. And it misses.

Yeah! Thank goodness for the shields. Should have given it two cannons, but I didn't, and I'm sticking to that. So, there we go. That brings us to it's Keith's turn. Jins, do you want to roll for Keith? Yeah, D4 and a D6 two on the D4 and six on the D6. Ooh a six. Oh hell yeah. Six on the D6 means a two times multiplier

so you got a two on the D4. Yeah, great. So that means it does four damage or four cannonball points. It uses its head for an ultra chop. You see much like key chains head. The head of this mech goes, I'm just right into the bow of this gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gomp, chomp, chomp, to a womp, womp, womp, chomp, chomp, chomp, to womp, womp, womp, and they hit each other in the butt as they do it with each other's butts, they kind of bounce. I actually did do this dance with him one time. Ha, ha, ha. Keith is a gnome, he loves little dances.

No, oh. All right, so you see that that chomp took a big chunk out of the black galley and it's still standing or floating rather but it's definitely looking worse for the wear. That brings us to Jens. Sweet. Would you say that the ship is within 400 feet of us? It just plummeted 600 feet. So yes, sweet, I'm going to say, Mercurio, take the wheel, I know you know how to drive, driving buddy, I love to drive,

I love to shift the gears, sweet, and then I'm going to run over, grab Onyx, cast Dimension Door, and that's saving him. Ooh! Oh! And take us up to the big ship. I wanna go like in the cockpit and try to like kill

whoever's fucking driving it. How much control do you have over Dimension Door? Range is 500 feet. You teleport yourself from your current location to any other spot within range. You arrive at exactly the spot desired. It can be a place you can see when you can visualize or when you can describe by stating distance and direction.

So you don't have to roll for it, you're just there. Yeah, it's basically like a better mid-assy step. It's one of my fourth level spells, and I can only do one more today. But I can bring somebody with me, so I'm bringing Onyx. That's dope shit. So.

Ooh, and then my turn is next. Yep, all right, so you open this portal into space and time, walk through and reappear in the cockpit of the Black Galeon, and you see the end of a conversation between these two pilots. They're like, looks like some sort of door? Hey, fuck you guys, I rule. You got this on Trinch Instagram, right?

It's me brassing these guys. I actually took a selfie of myself, what? What? This just looks like we're just looking at the wall. It just looks like a green wall. I'm like Melrose Avenue or something. Okay, I'm getting what you're doing now.

Yes, you want me to post this? No, not this. It's terrible. In the engine room, now I have just like, Onyx's selfie. No, this is the killer of pilots. What?

Okay. You see the pilots are like, you can't be here. And they both draw swords. So I'm going to say, at least for now, they can't fly and fight at the same time. So the ship isn't moving. Sweet. I'm also going to use bonus action,

bardic inspiration. I'm a girl here. Yo. All right. I'd go after the first pilot. Even if it is my turn next. It is your turn. I'd go after the first pilot. it is my turn next. It is your turn. I'd go after the first pilot great

Does a 14 hit it does their pilots I was hoping I took a chance using my bardic inspiration on that there were in uniforms that are honestly too cute They're like cut off those are beautiful. Okay, you. I hate him for nine. Nine. Great. Cool. Go after him again. Okay, so you slash into oh, are you using your mace? I'm using my mall. Yeah, yes, I am. You're using your mall. You do hear Verlis. Now this I like keep the show going. Verl Well, this will be our last dance together. I guarantee you that. Let's go out with a pay.

And then I attack once again. All right. 15. 15. Again. Awesome, you hit. Get on. 13.

13 damage. You kill one of the powers. Yeah. Congratulations, you're a terrorist. I take his cute little outfit. I like to see Karen fill this out. It looks exactly like the thing that Steve was wearing in the new Stranger Things season.

I didn't see it. OK, it's a bit of a surprise. Jen's doesn't have Netflix. You could get it for the apartment. You live there. It's a cute little sailor costume. So you pocket that. I told you it for the apartment. You lived there. It's a cute little sailor costume. So you pocket that. I told you it's a crack, we're a crackle house.

I love the Rupert Grint. Is that his name? Ron would please leave. Absolutely. You got a unilaternelia for a board. Really good. Blavin loves crackle dammit

being glad to watch crackle all day I hear that later to the night laughing maniacally our love comedians in car getting cobalt okay so on it's that your turn that's my turn great that brings us to niaq who is slip Okay, so on, except your turn. That's my turn. Great. That brings us to Nyak, who is slip sliding away. I will scamper as quickly as I can up to the deck.

Can I see anything happening on the ship from for the deck? You're gonna feed away. Give me a roll, give me a perception check. 10. 10. I think with your half-elven eyes, maybe if you were full,

elf, you could see something, but you probably just see a very small window. Okay, I draw an arrow back in my bow and I am it at Karen, and I hold a reaction. Oh my god. Let's give these a it dark turn nice. Just a fucking murderer.

Keith, what's he doing? I do not know. Look at the way to what is he doing down there? It makes no sense. Okay, so again, the Pirates cannot act because you have killed one of their pilots and the other one has a sword out and is trying to hurt both of you. So the other pilot is going to hold up his cutlass and shout, and then run right past you to try and slam on the emergency button. Oh, can we opportunity attack them?

Absolutely. Ooh, can we opportunity attack him? Absolutely, sweet. Yes. Let me see if I can do a flourish, because I want to get rid of this guy if I... I got a 14, does a 14 hit? 14 does hit. Okay, sweet. Nine from Onyx. Great. Ooh, 21 to hit.

That hits as well? 10. 10. Oh. He looks really hurt. Oh no! Like bleeding out, will die very soon, but he manages to make it to the door.

You see him slam on the emergency button, leaving a handprint of blood. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, claxons sound, and I'm going to do a role to see how many more guards appear next time. Should we bear a shoot off this? Okay So that's the pirate stone. I'm gonna say they can't move, but they can still fire a cannon Okay, because that's a separate of the ship like Gunners. Yeah, so I'm going to do a cannon roll

That is going to hit Niaq has just stood up and then the ship gets rocked by a cannonball and he slips over again. Oh The ship's holding on though. It's okay. The fact that you boosted the shields was very helpful Mercurio does look worried though and after you see this cannonball fired at your ship, you hear a lot of footsteps approaching you. But that brings us back around to Keith. Keith, what should we do to do? Perhaps we do Keith to save an act. I think we don't want to lose Mercurio's ship. We can yell to him to like hold the reaction

and just like see what happens because it's getting crazy over here. Yeah. Why don't you DM Keith and tell him to hold off because shit is about to get crazy here and attack the ship if we're off of it. Okay. With my held reaction, I can fire the grappling thing,

and you guys can climb across if you need to, if Keith destroys the ship. I think we're okay without the, I think we don't wanna be connected to this picture. Okay, so you DM Keith, you DM Keith and tell him to hold off because you're on the ship now. Yeah. Okay, do you say anything else?

No. It's a few dot, dot, dot. Yeah, okay Do you say anything else? No It's it's a few dot dot dot. Yeah, there's some dot dot. That's like I'm typing for a while, but then nothing else comes up. Okay You responds Roger and then after that responds again Yarr and then again after that like pirates get it Good right where I want him. I don't respond. Okay, real quick, I send him a selfie. In my new sailor outfit. Do you think it works?

Keith up in the cockpit of the TechnoMec thinks about sending a joke about booty. It doesn't. And just says, are you doing anything later? I mean, hopefully, living honestly. Keith responds, good one. So the TechnoMek is also going to hold a reaction. Awesome, that brings us back onto Jins. Sweet, I am going to run over to the control panel of the ship.

Nice. And I'm going to hold a reaction, and I'm going to say to Onyx, wreck this thing, and then I'll get us out of here. Like wreck the control panel? Yeah, get it so they fly forward, or so that it breaks. Just something like that, they can't follow us. Whatever you want, J, I do except parent. Then I'm gonna hold my action until Onyx is done with thing.

Dope. Okay, you're holding an action? Onyx, what are you gonna do? I'm going to destroy this control panel. Ooh, you know Verless loves that. Oh, Rickets, yes. Yeah, you know why don't you come bring some chaos to this organized computer. Gladly. See, are not such a great guy. And that one on the first attack. 17 plus 25. 25 to the control panel. To the control panel. I'm going to say, you know, it's

a little more of an old fashioned pirate ship. I think you just totally destroy the steering wheel. Fucking hell, yeah. Yeah, you just wreck it right up. Do you want to try and aim it in a certain direction? Or are you just causing me to lay from us? I think I'm kind of just like on a angled trajectory downwards. Awesome. Okay.

You destroy the control panel entirely, and then you heck up the steering wheel real bad, and then kind of tire rope around it, so it's just aimed down, so basically nobody can pilot it after you, but you've locked it into position. Yeah, bitch. Awesome. Is that what you were looking for, Jens? That's about it. I grab Onyx, and I use my last four-thousand-level spell the day to dimension-door us back down to Mercury

So good Not you're still holding reaction. It's your turn So if you wanted to do something and then take a turn. I guess that's how that works I'll just shoot my arrow at the ship as it goes down Give me yeah, give me an attack crawl. If it's a net 20, I'll say something happened. Damn, it was a 19. Isn't that a crit for you though or something?

Yeah, that's a crit for hard-blood. With a 19, I do think like as the ship is flying down, the pilot who was left in the chamber, who is barely alive, what a ship life. He had one HP left. and I think he like, sees the ship's going down, he's like, we're going down, we're going down. And an arrow just flies right in and hits a...

That ship is going the same direction as Karen and Keith's relationship. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, The pilot dies. Now you can take your turn proper. Oh Is there anything left to do here brother? Do you want to run in and move the ship just to make sure we don't get hit or anything? You never let me drive one of your cars brother. Oh, you know what? I think this one is a little bit simpler than the Porsche What do you want you to get hurt driving my very real Porsche. I see printouts of lift and Uber ride credits. How's often?

All right, I run into the cabin and I, I guess I steer us away from this ship. Awesome, yeah, it is going down now. Yeah, so it can't hit us with anything. Cool, so you just clear out of the way of this dive bombing ship That does bring us to the pirates turn Hmm, okay, so the pirate ship is now Lomiting toward the ground you have dimension dored out of there so basically five pirates run into the room being like Prepare to surrender what

And then they look up and see that the ship is now dive bombing and then they all look at the steering wheel, which is just fucking trash. Just sparking and. And I think they probably all just like home alone, they just go, ah! Just slap their hands on their face

and aren't sure what to do. I don't even think they can get off a cannonball shot. Like the velocity of their downfall is too much. I'm just gonna say they take another, they pray to whatever gods they believe in. Yep, they pray to the god of thieves or whatever. Who gives a shit? They go,

who gives a fuck about lesser deities? Cool, so they just plummet another 300 feet. Awesome, that brings us to... Oh, Keith had a held reaction. Do you want him to use that now? Yes, to kiss me. Oh my god! Hahaha! I don't...

I think it's mostly for the techno-mech. Do you want the techno-mech to kiss you? Yes. Hahaha! Okay, here's what happened. The Tecnoe mech sees the ship plummeting, swoops down past the boon of Nados, which is your ship, and somehow very gingerly manages to peck you on the cheek without crushing your face. James is screaming. Ah! Ah!

They're killing us, Keith is a traitor. Oh, what? A close Karen has sort of a weird eye, don't you see that? Ah! Yeah, their proportions are absolutely wrong. I shudder from the kiss of the techno, Mac. Ah! Um, all right, it's Keith's turn. Niaq, I believe it is your turn to roll the D4 and the D Mac. Alright, it's Keith's turn.

Nyak, I believe it is your turn to roll the D4 and the D6. A whanly foes left in the sky. Two more threes. Two more threes. Alright, they are favoring the sword and that ain't a problem. Hell yeah, guess what? Nyak, once again, finish this ship. The one that's falling.

Yep. Spike it. Oh! Volleyball Spike. The Technomex giant arms goes into its face and Pearl's Karen. Ha ha ha ha. Directly at the pirate ship.

Ha ha ha. This is a beautiful, this is not okay. Ha ha ha. Our mind, the hands of Feta are cruel. Don't go, don't go, take the reins away from him. Karen, you see Karen is wearing a flight suit. Oh, she's gonna fuck a turn on you. She presses two little buttons in her palms and a jet pack. Wow. It rubs out of her back rock and tear style.

I never meant for this. I'm excited. Shame to you. She spins around in the air. She sky writes her name. Karen so much pizzazz and then I shoot an arrow. Just at the writing of Karen hearing I guess she likes that fear. I don't know I guess she likes that fear, I don't know. You see her blast through the port holes of the black galley and left and right, bursting through and then she flies back up and a moment later, boom, the black galley and explodes, flaming wreckage falls into the ocean beneath you and you have defeated

the pirate. Does anyone else feel like the ship was already gonna die? So like anything Karen did was kind of just like self-indulgent. It was a gross exaggeration. I thought it was good to kind of be safe. Just make sure they don't shoot any cannons at us. I think Karen was kind of overreaching kind of insecure. I love to say that.

I love to say that. I love to say that. I love to say that. I love to say that. I love to say that. I love to say that. I love to say that. I love to say that.

I love to say that. I love to say that. I love to say that. I love to say that. I love to say that. I love to say that. I love to say that. I love to say that.

I love to say that. I love to say that. I love to say that. I love to say that. I love to say that. I love to say that. I love to say that. Acro fight. But yes. All right, so you're out of combat. You have saved the day, the ship sails onward. Yes. Way to go everyone, the dread horizon is no more. Or maybe we should just become the dread horizon. We can rename the ship.

Yeah, mercurial. We're calling this a dread horizon now. This is the dread horizon now. You're doing like a dread pirate robot sort of thing. Just inheriting the title. Honestly, you'd give me a stick and poke tattoo. Absolutely. Come over here. So you're finally free of the pirates. And at long last, you have a moment to relax. You see that Mercurio takes keychain down to the engine room and they start kind of doing some repairs. In the very distance approaching very slowly you can see Vaynodas which is this floating island

that is actually chained between two continents. It actually has massive chains that connect it to Agendel, which is where Vaynalar is and Pramora, which is where the Kelsen peaks and Ilivoss, which is the high Elven city are. So it kind of occupies this middle space between them. So like that's very far in the distance. So you've got, you know, a couple more hours of travel left before you get there. So yeah, you can kind of chill out, you can relax. You see Keith is flying kind of next to you at this point in time in the big golden techno-mech. Okay, that, what are you up to? Oh, Karen, would you mind piloting for a second?

Yes, of course. So Keith jumps into the palm of the techno-mech and it extends out over onto the deck of the I guess the dread horizon. I sort of swing my legs over to the side and get on like a fancy lady on a horse. Keith gentlemanly as ever offers his hand to help you get on. I put my t in it. Wow! That's killing me! Look at their body language!

That little gnome hand! Now I ask the question that every DM delights in asking which tit. The right tit. That was the right choice. It was indeed that's Keith's favorite tit. Keith says, oh, you speak first, I'm so sorry. No, you go first. You fought so bravely, we saw you down there,

just mixing it up with those pilots, that was amazing. Well, you know, I could not have done it without a gen, so credit where credit is due and Nia, if you had swept off. Oh. No one's lost this down. Just sit down. Just sit down.

I can't sit down. Why? It's all so slippery. But I also could not have done it without you. Likewise, it was so lucky that I was checking your twin-stagram and saw all your posts about where you were, so I was able to find you. You know, I was out of course with my cousin Karen, you've met her, right? Oh, yeah, she fought really well. I thought so too.

She fought really well. You know, while we're speaking of Trinstagram, I suppose if I were to be honest, I may have only geotagged because I was hoping you'd come. I had a feeling and well, I'm here now. So does this bomb sort of like close into a bit of an open fist? You know what I'm talking about? You see privacy? You see he winkss back and then controls the other palm and then they cup together like you're catching a frog or something in them. Make love to Mickey. If you're listening to this podcast with young children, you should pause now.

We're about to roll play. He looks you in the eyes and says, I've waited for you to say that ever since our time in the Normlands. And he strips steam rubs out of the fingers of the Normlands. And he strips. Steam erupts out of the thick fingers of the 10-nome. And we hard cut to the deck of the dread horizon.

We are just watching. Yeah, we want to see the way opening out the fingers. Yes. I didn't do well. I rolled the net one. Oh my god. I got the privacy. Oh my god. I only got do well. I rolled the net one. That's the privacy.

I only got a 10. A 10. You got a net one? Yeah. You think maybe they did catch a frog. It's not a frog. I think they're going hunting. They're having sex.

You think maybe they caught a woolly bug or something? I think they're going hunting. They're having sex. You think maybe they caught a woolly bug or something? I think they're looking for creatures. Inspired by this romantic gesture, you see Norwalk take a Z sweeper off her feet and just smooch her so hard. What is everyone doing? Hey, I'm warning you. No walk you've changed. Everyone doing hey a morning

Norwalk you've changed I've always been like this Your scumbag, you know what they say right love changes people if he's a scumbag Then I'm scumb trash inside a scumbag Sister I love it Hey air high five Oh god. Or it's gone baguette. Ha ha ha ha. Oh, it's just there I love it. Ha ha ha. Hey, air high five. Ha ha ha. How about when I once I cleaned my hands? Ha ha ha. Oh, you know what?

Same, hard, same. Okay. Jens reads a book. Ha ha ha ha. You see Blavin walks over and looks at the palms like, is that what I'm gonna think it is? Yes. They call it a frog? Um, he has nicely blabbed him. Yes, precisely. You did it. They call it a frog. James, my brother has a dirty mind. He galived, Blavin. So, if interest to steam steam clears the hands

Open back up kind of like two hands an open face sex sandwich Thank you. I'm a I come out now Hastefully buttoning up the I saw you are a geese t-shirt. It's tiny. Yeah, I'm wearing a gnome t-shirts. It's a cropped up on me Geeth is riding the pastel frock. Yeah. Well, thank you so much Keith for helping me catch those frocks. Absolutely.

And anytime you want to catch frogs, I really had me croakin. I'm your guy. Okay, this isn't subtle at all. That's the one. He's just trying to read. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry two rolls. Yes. One to see if Keith use protection. I'm not. I'm the other to see if he pulled out in time. Yeah. Great. And then the third one to see if I'm ovulating. Great. Lot of rolls. Just like in real life. Yeah. Okay. I rolled for protection. Okay. And then I'm rolling to see if I'm ovulating. What are like what what's the okay? Like you don't I think people

only ovulate like a short it's kind of like a small window, so maybe like one through five, I'm ovulating. That seems good. I got a six. Okay, not ovulating. Okay, thank you. Thank you. Oh, view, huh.

Keith also got a 14, so you probably wrapped it up. He wrapped it up, he wrapped it up. I'm not ovulating, okay. Like safe. But if you ever wanted to start the family, that's obviously, obviously it would be safe for you. You're so happy. You're so happy. You're so happy. You're so happy. You're so happy. You're so happy. You're so happy.

You're so happy. You're so happy. You're so happy. You're so happy. You're so happy. You're so happy. You're so happy. You're so happy.

You're so happy. You're so happy. You're so happy. You're so happy. You're so happy. You're so happy. You're so happy. You're so happy.

You're so happy. You're so happy. You're so happy. You're so happy. You're so happy. Hand splurral. What you say is that we got kind of a hand job? Yeah. Yes, I would keep. That's very good. I smack his ass really hard. Oh! What?

It's a dutty like. Okay, I go back on the boat. Are you back on the boat? Here's a question. Do you want to check in on Instagram? Yes. It's been a while. I do.

Cool. I printed out the rules for you. So you can just, I do. I do. I do. I do. a while. I do. Cool. I printed out the rules for you so you can just roll it up yourself. You don't even need me.

Okay. I roll the D20 plus my charisma modifier. 16! 16, all right. Solid post. Add 10 D100 follower count. Yes! Dope.

46 so I have 460 new followers. Awesome. That's incredible. You were around 250,000 before. That's not exact, but I'm going to round up to it because that's been a while. So yeah, you gain 460 new followers. We're getting close to free vacation. I'm not some followers. Uh, what a day. I mean, yes, there is the tragic thing

that I must give up my evil powers. But I got laid in a hand and I've got more followers. So everything's looking on it. OK, so how are you guys? We've had a great time on the boat also. I was at a book, I stared off at these clouds over here. It was weird, he was so close to me the whole time, it made it really, I haven't even gotten past the first page because he looked like he's just thinking he's gonna do something and he doesn't, we sat in perfectly comfortable silence. It wasn't comfortable, it was not needing to to say anything just enjoying one another's company. It's not true

We we're not at that stage in our relationship in my opinion Well, you know that is love, you know, I agree and then I look over the horizon while humming to myself Hey, shy reading My session my hips back and forth. How are you horny already? You should be the least horny of us. Listen pal, there's someone for everyone out there. Z talking to you.

Why are you weighing in on hornyness? I'm trying to talk to Alex here about hornyness. Hey baby, let's go down below. Everyone is fucking. Oh, right. I'm not fucking. I know, but obviously you're not fucking your blabbing. Actually, maybe Karen's single, Blabbing.

You thought about talking to that little techno, Mac pilot? Our Keith, which remind introducing me to your cousin? I would be honored, of course. Yes. Karen! Karen, I've got someone I'd like you to meet. You see Blavin, like, slicks his hair back. Oh, pop's a breath mint. So much grease.

How do I do this? Do I just roll, like, charisma for Blavin? Yeah, okay. You see Blavin stepping into the palm and get lifted up. It's going straight for the palm. Damn, boy, that's forward. I decided to brush wrinkles out of his jacket on his way up. Thank you.

Should I take the drink? Should offer a drink, yeah? Easy does it, Blavin. All right, cool. Not the best person pressure All right, let's let's do the roll 14 I'm gonna do a contested role to see what Karen's thinking to not be seduced Karen roll in 18 oh

so There's maybe a few sparks But it's not a sure thing yet. Okay. Not a dumb deal. Give it a little more time for that seat to blossom. You see Blavin descends back in the palm and talks to you, okay, so she... I wouldn't have gone in that hand actually, Blavin.

Yeah, actually. It was very presumptuous. Oh, you see Blavin wiping the heels of his shoes. So she didn't give me a number, but she said it was cool to DM. So finger cross. Okay, yeah. That's good, yeah, that's pretty good. And it's like I don't own a car, so like having a girlfriend with a giant robot would

be like super big for me. It need a car, Gents has several cars. Yeah, I'm just going to know where they're from. You know what, I just haven't seen them near on the floor. I'm sort of a driving fiend though, so I don't think I could loan it to you. You have so many cars, you can't possibly need them. Nah, what are you doing? What are you doing, guys?

I told you to be helpful. What are you doing? Take a laugh. Nah, I can't stand it. I'm excited. I'm excited. I'm excited. I'm excited. Take a laugh. That equates to the end of the show. Are there any secret answers there?

Shaking her hips and honing still. That extends weirdly close to her and most of the time I know they've got. What does he see out there? So you see Vena Doss getting closer and closer. You can start to see kind of like plumes of arcane, smoke coming out of a, smoke stack towers. It looks kind of like, it's like if Vena L'Ar was Seattle, this is kind of New York.

It's a little more skyscraper. It's a little more gray. It's definitely less lush, I think. It's kind of floating in the air. It's pretty much artificial in a little more gray. It's definitely less lush, I think. It's kind of floating in the air. It's pretty much artificial in a lot of ways. And as you get closer, you see two silver winged guards kind of flying over to the ship. And Mercurio says, oh, don't worry.

Those are my men. They're just coming to make sure everything is a ship shape here. So, of course, y'all will be dining with me, and I'm very excited about that. But if we wanted to go ahead and get some of those negotiations started a little early, I don't think that will be too much of a problem. I would really like to be taking

to a fancy restaurant by the way. Yeah, you really, you have to wind in Dynast. You wreak of desperation, and it's just not a good look for a negotiation. This is true. I stand by, they're both my lawyers. You see, Mercurio kind of grips his silver cane very firmly and is like, I know I'm being a little impatient, but I've helped you out quite a bit, I would say. And I do think that we should begin the negotiations now and then have dinner after to

celebrate our arrangement. I'm just saying that the negotiation is probably going to be more in your favor if we're, I don't know, bott Mm-hmm. And full stomach. Yeah, flies with honey and all that, I see, I see. Ah. You know what, fuck it. Mercurio lifts his cane, cocks it, the silver ball at the end begins to glow with arcane power. You're, you're hangry. You obviously hangry.

You must take us to dinner. Even with BB. Ah. Ah. Ah. You're your your hangry you obviously hangry you must take us to dinner even a BB I want those crystals now. I'm gonna give you all one last chance Z get over here You see Z groans are kind of steps in behind him brandishing or short sword. Sorry about this guys I'm gonna give you all one chance Or I'm gonna give you all a taste to all Rodney here. It's got a lot of spells charged up in it, and I ain't afraid to make a mess.

See, all got three seconds to give me those crystals, before my guards get here, and really show you what they can do. One, two, three. Yeah. All of a sudden, you see Z's short sword jut right through his chest. He looks up at Z, his silver eyes swimming with shock. Oh, well played, Miss Logath.

Well played indeed. No reward without risk, I suppose. Ned Osblas. You see Z just goes, thanks boss. Ward without risk I suppose Nedos bless You see Z just goes thanks boss Livs Mercurio off the ground walks over to the edge of the ship and tosses him into the ocean below Best of luck with all your future endeavors Well, that was good. I was worried about you for a second there Z I thought um maybe I didn understand what Norwalk's on you until just then when you killed our enemy. I'd say your savage babe I love you for it.

I'd bend the knee that was fucking cool. Aw thanks y'all she puts her hand in Norwalk's jean pocket. It's dirty. Norwalk you have to stop wearing jean's clear. I love my denim. She says hey babe hold this she hands Norwalk the bloody knife. Yeah, yeah, you got it. I don't put it right in the jeans. The jeans are all covered in blood now, all right. Don't worry. I have many jeans.

So she hands Naurwok the bloody short sword, walks over to you and pulls down her pants. Babe. What? I'm just getting a little taste. All right. And then on her butt, you see a golden tattoo with the exact same three-eyed pattern as Blavvins. It's been a pleasure serving with you, Blavvins. She pulls up her pants again.

Sorry that you're the last one to find out. You see, Blavvins looks very shocked. Nobody tells me anything about the society. I was underground with the benefactor for so long. So many things have changed. I don't even know who our leader is. Do you know? You see Zegos.

Oh, I do. And all these nice folks are about to find out as well. But first, I got to take care of one thing. So she takes the short sword back from Norwalk after he's cleaned it off on his jeans, spins it around, sheaths it, takes her shifting scarf that allows her to polymorph and wraps it around her head, transforms into mercurio just in time for the two winged guards to land on the ship. Even in fellas, house things, house tricks, house everything back at the base. See the guards just kind of nod.

Everything's good. You good here? It's like absolutely. You know, we were planning on docking the ship, but we got a hot hint about some treasure around Kelsen Peak way. So we're going to actually be taking off. You can report back to the base of that. No need to call in alarm. You see the guards kind of like point their silver eyes at each other, thinking for a second, and then they're like, okay, and they fly off back towards the base.

fly off back towards the base. Once they're far enough away, you see Z Sheds or Disguise and says, now who wants to go to the Golden Iris headquarters? Nye graces his head. Onyx raises her hand. All right. I don't understand. Wait. I live in a one bedroom apartment with many people like, I don't like a lot of them.

Who don't you like? Is it keychain? I don't like keychain, I don't like blabbing. I have noticed a lot of danger in between gens and keychain. You're fine, Onyx is fine, everyone else. Nine weeps are happy to hear. And it goes down to to writing this journal. Don't worry, the headquarters has rooms for all of you, but more importantly, the boss is there,

and I think it's high time you met her. I'm looking forward to it. By the way, we only need one room. That's fine. No, one room is more than enough. One room is one person. If there's a futon in a common room, that'll be perfect for Jen.

That's right, Theo. No, I'm forced to do that. That might run through up Margarita mix in the bed. And I couldn't get it out of it. How many times I watched the sheet? Jen, don't be modest. He loves to sleep out. I don't love it.

I just have to do it. And I'm tired all the time because I can't sleep well. Do you not want margaritas in bed? I thought that was kind of our thing that was our thing one time when we got drunk on margaritas That is crackle till four in the morning Crackle is is excellent You all hate on crackle and then when crackles on who who stands near the TV and wants to watch crackles I watch I watch from the roof, yes.

Yes. I listen to Crackle. I enjoy watching over your shoulder. We make popcorn, we call it snack-a-lan and crackle. Yes. So you all kind of chat happily. Glad to have the burden of mercurio removed. And then Z heads over to the cockpit and shifts your path from Vainadoss towards the Kelsen peaks, where the Golden Iris Society is located. And that is where we will end

our session. Oh! 1 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 Oh man, what a fun little battle that was. That was so good. That was a really fun. that was. Oh, these are good. Yeah, that was really fun. This was a steamy episode. Love you. Yeah. This is the first time we fucked. We always come close.

Yeah. Like 70 episodes of Bohumi and no one fucked. Onyx is too. This is my first time having sex as a D&D character. Yeah, holy shit. None of my characters have had sex yet. How does it feel? It felt really right. first time having sex as a D&D character. Yeah, holy shit. None of my characters have had sex yet. How does it feel?

It felt really, it felt really right. It was the first time that I was like, no, this is what would happen. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. You know, it's, it's anime is fuck you, it's sex and the hands are kind of robot. I think it was the techno mech that I was like, I need to do it in the techno rock. I should have had a threesome. He's definitely going to brag to his boys about that.

No question. Thank you all so much for playing. Thank you all so much for listening. I got a couple of quick shout outs. Want to shout out Henry A for the D&D Beyond subscription. Always coming in clutch with that subscript. Thank you, Henry A. Daniel Raymost for the sound mixing. Instagram at Dr. Schubert. That's SCHUBID, DanielRammost.com,

great work as always, and of course Jens Christian T for composing some of the music you heard in this episode, Jens actually used to open for Lazzle Glendale back in the day and actually performed an extremely jazzy version of taps at his funeral. Oh, very respectful. So respectful, tasteful as fuck. This was an absolute blast and a pleasure. I can't wait to talk about it on the short rest. But for now, y'all are all over at Dunkel's house

and it's time for Paintball Endors. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Ow my eye. But too. We do one last niac's fall sound? Oh.

See you next time. Hey friends, it is Caldwell here, live from the closet in my hotel room in New York. We are in the middle of the Nannerfly tour and I am bringing you the Council of Elders Apologies for the less than superior audio quality, but let's get right into it. Brad D, the only pebble pot that isn't Craven. Growing up, Brad's parents made him sleep in a sleeping bag because bed sheets look too much like ghosts. J-Loma 72, aka Steelbreaker. Hard one's gymspiration., rolls 10 D100s every morning to determine how

many burpees they'll do before breakfast. Dylan B, a sword-building wizard surrounded by a floating army of blades at all times. Dylan sleeps in a suit of armor and goes through bedsheets like toilet paper. Danny P, Bohumius resident artist, painted Hard One's senior portrait at the dwarf image. It's very clear Danny was going through an anime phase because hard one looks exactly like Naruto with a beard. Spencer Casparoo, Patriot Elder of Live Bations, ale maker to gods and heroes of Bahumia alike.

Spencer recently introduced Blav into mezcal, which he described as, like making out with a dragon. Beardman Dan, the longest beard in all of Bohemia. Dan has rescued over 300 children from drowning in wells. Hermes W, the Bat King, just got intricate tattoos engraved on the thin skin of their leathery wings. It hurt extremely bad, but bats are always shrieking so no one even noticed.

Spartas, a puppet bard. Spartas has never killed anyone, but their fuzzy friend Mervo has slaughtered entire villages. Adam R, the R-rated assassin. Despite being a raunchy murderer, even Adam thinks that Norwalkan Z really need to just cool it. Danielle the Dasturly Dame. Danielle is actually the one that told Rast where to find the cursed sword he used to kill Jinz and Onyx's parents.

Prepare the duel in Gloves Nyak! You see, aka Howdor Frostback, MVP of the Giant Wars, Crude on the SS Stormborn, and Fod alongside Elias and Red. Sleeps in a dead giant carcass every night, which is why Hugh is no longer a crew member on the SS Stormborn. Danielle U, aka Multifor, the many face magician. Multifor can't be arrested, not because they have immunity, but because taking their mugshot is way too complicated.

Jordan DJ, legendary DJ of the realm, put one of Mavericks' frisbee's on their scratchpad and the sound made all of Gladeholm start instantly doing the stanky leg. Jeffrey S, Lord of the Fjord, Born of the sword, and was recently floored by their viewing of Jez Butterworth's Broadway play The Fairyman. Damn, Jeff S. is cultured as hell. Cutter W. A high-off dandy-turned-crick barcatech. Created the world's first home with 100% edible sconces. John S. AKA Shuberth the Mushroom recently decided to donate their body to science, and by

science I mean a massive Denver Omelette. Yum! Ryan M. Hard one's ram was also adopted by Ordan and now spends their day chewing on his manuscripts. It's adorable and also costing the Elven government millions of platinum a day. Elena C. has been in more tavern fights than anyone in all of Bohemia, drinks beer from a pre-shattered bottle just to save time. Michael McD, head mixologist at the Blue Manna Inn, was recently almost murdered after

accidentally serving Blavin a virgin daiquiri. Oh no. Andrew M., a nomish engineer who drew the shortest straw and is now tasked with cleaning the various stains off the golden Techno-Mec. Ew. Victor T. Balnor's boy, whose loving dad was ripped from his family and transported to another world. Of warcraft!

That's right, Victor's dad is rocking some epic paltryns and riding a sick custom griffin' mount. He's making the alliance and his son very proud. Just an eye, a marshmallow mancer, spends their time making breakfast more exciting and gets insane kickbacks from the dentists of Bohemia. Jacob C, a changeling who fights by transforming into weapons and throwing themself. By the time you figure out the physics of how this would actually work, you're already dead. Alaina M, another Trinavillion Shard wielder.

Alaina Shard is just a piece of non-magical glass from a jam jar they dropped, but Nyak is still too scared to go anywhere near them. Mick Pux, the amazing code master who programmed our website, also programmed the satellite radio for Gens, extremely real car. Earl and Kathleen L. Two pirate lovers that escaped the wreckage of the Black Galihan and started a bed in breakfast. Now they rob people with exorbitant, late checkout fees. Yarrr. Jive G. Gens downstairs neighbor who doesn't have crackle and is super jealous of the

constant, uproarious good times and laughter they hear coming from their ceiling. Jostrich, a jock ostrich from the village next to Nyax and Ranafore. They used to play church league basketball together and went to a few of the same parties. Solid Bird, Damio R. Ram Daniels evil twin. Currently working with Beverly's evil twin, a super tall anti-paladin named Neville Silver Thumb, who hasn't called his mom in over 1000 years. Chilling. Destincy, the only green teen with more patches than Beverly.

Destincy knows how to start a fire with two sticks and a bunch of matches. Impressive. Devin B, the bodega lord. Never tires on the battlefield because they are hopped the F up on 5-hour extra strength energy. Sergio Salazar Salamon Sakuraiya Sde Sakwani, 7th of his name. A sexy Peruvian snake folk with sweet snake patterns on his skin. Sergio also has a forked tongue, but that was a body mod thing they did themselves.

Nice. Michael L. A Trinvilian barista who makes the only non-alcoholic drink, Blavin and Joy's. A triple espresso to get over the crippling hangover he wakes up with every morning. Sam H, Alonus' dealer. Yes, we're talking about weed, but Sam H also has dealt her a few hands of blackjack and sold her a used Corolla. Sam deals it all. Trale, the cray-fay, who just saw a blue-jay.

Traleigh is getting into bird-watching. Look for Kaka, please. Aaron G. Master of the banishment spell. Aaron could banish any of their X's, but chooses not to, because Aaron takes the high road. How's that, Taylor? Huh. Jory S. A Jacked Wizard.

Even Jory's beard can curl a 35-pound weight. Alucard, a reverse Dracula, like a regular Dracula, Alucard would definitely die if you draw a stake through their heart. Baby Dock, the only doctor to ever perform their own C-section. They also successfully sued the hospital for allowing them to do that. Adam H. A stage mage, meaning they play a mage in a production about the heroes of Bahumia. In real life, they're a bard. Ryan, hard ones Ram, has written their owner hard one a letter every day that hard one will never read, but only because he can't read, not because he doesn't love and miss

his beloved pet. Aw, I believe it. Big Buck, pregnant Elk moonshine's Elkin Baby. Can't wait to be born so they can be summoned by our boy Beverly, and we can witness this Elkin Caravan in all its glory. Oh, I await the day. Richard X Mockenut introduced the Crick to newspapers, which the young ones quickly used to make larger fires.

Troy McZee, an era cacra who is often confused for a kinku and has had about enough of it. I'm a freaking eagle, okay? It's kinda got Norwalks, boys, but whatever. Cannibalisticatulu! Had a potluck brunch where they requested nobody bring anything but themselves. I'll link. Sam L, a skeletal dog who chases Erdens, skeletal cat all around Gladeholm, like a beautiful Sunday morning comic strip. Dom R. Blavin's therapist who has not seen Blavin for six and a half years and a small

part of them hopes he never comes back. Josh S. Has a full metal tail, iron legs, and much like the original Josh, no heart or soul, whatsoever. Blitzbrig Dmitry, owner of Dwarggers Big Borgher, and Dwarggers you can get your order super sized, but you won't be able to carry it out of there yourself. Caleb Storm, Cup Bearer and Cords Great Hall, yet for all the cups they bear, bearer are surprisingly weak anchor in a game of flip cup. You got a Finestic Caleb, Nicholas C, and starred in every single movie ever made in Bohumia, and co-starred in every movie ever made in Trinaville, not the lead, but damn,

a career in two universes? Pretty sick. Mike H. The guy who taught Rin how to laugh. Pretty weird that someone paid Mike to do that, but that's just how rich people are sometimes. Oh, Matthew E. A neat freak barbarian who goes into a rage when they see things out of order. Don't ever visit Jen Dlandel's apartment, Matthew. It's a nightmare.

Samuel B, a wizard whose robe is completely see-through. People accuse Samuel of casting minor illusion to look so good under there, but they straight up didn't. Till for G, author of the hit children's book and movie, Ulfgargo's Punch, has suffered from an epic case of writer's block ever since, but the movie gets remade every two years and Till for it is making bank. Colton B, a lifeguard at the newly installed Glade Home Water Park. Honestly, cannot keep up with all the rule breaking and just blows their whistle from the start till the end of their shift.

Yens Christian T, composed the music that Jinsland Dale learned his burlesque dance to, and that is a fact that Yens Christian T. Is not proud of. Gage M. The last green teen left in Galatoron. Recently found Martha Togold's secret sticky-bone recipe and is planning on selling it to hard one for 1000 gold. Aaron C. The homeless man that was used by the band of boobs to distract the chosen back and glater on. Currently living rent-free in the abandoned Toe Gold Mansion. Good on you, Aaron.

L&D. The fiercest woman in Ballumia. Someone text Ellen speaking stone and summon them to the astral theolified ASAP, please. TJ M. the gnome barbarian. TJ's Tee-hees are so deep and basic, they sound like they could be, Har-Hars. RPKB, R2D2's less helpful cousin. Can also fly an X-wing,

but unfortunately those don't exist in Bohumia and never will. Aw, Taylor S, aka Trast the Traveler, has a backpacking bag of holding that is so glorious it brings Balnor to tears. Anime intellect, an artisanal jam maker, and NIAC's number one enemy. Zolo Dollo, a kid cobald cover rapper who is really hoping kid cobald's death at Fechela could become canon.

Better luck next time Zolo. Joshua C, an operatic bard who can shatter their enemies armor by hitting a certain octave, and break their enemies hearts by hitting another. Larissa J, also as a crystal patron, but uses it as a paperweight. Dylan C.M, the wannabe DM. Dylan's DM screen is a literal screen. Their players see everything and regularly use the information to want them. Come on, Dylan.

Kelvin noodles the pasta elemental. Kelvin dislikes wearing a helm in battle because it messes up their angel hair. Oh. B-Money? Boundor's hip hop alter ego has a solid gold grill that they refuse to take out while they crush tuna sandwiches. That's right. Jay holds the record in Trinaville for most chicken wine drunk in a single sitting. It's one glass.

Heartless Master needs no heart because their big ass brain is sensitive and loving. Honestly, a heart would slow them down. Cece Lulu, a sky-shipped pirate who regularly bungee jumps off the plank. It looks as awesome as it sounds. Paul B, Ackarot's former assistant assistant has a new job bottling jam for anime intellect and is loving that they can still partake in some adjacent evil doing. Barns and Ador. Another name for Jens Lindell's one bedroom apartment since it often feels like a barn

in there when you're living with an animal like Blabin. Eric G. Is starting a Trinstagram hashtag called Bath Life where they have kind of just moved into a bathosphere and are living off the grid. Oh, sounds nice. Jackalope Audity, the drummer for Pintergreens' favorite new metal band, Ratnuts. Onyx also made love to Keith for the first time while listening to their hit song, Grease Fire.

Zach C, a brave knight with a deeply moving backstory who is just chilling in the deck of many things. Someone flag that travelling gnome down! Aidenar, a bard gnome who does the Jinslandel spinning sword brilessk but only has to use a butcher knife. It's still sexy as hell though. L.E.K., a bouncer who has kicked Blavin out of nearly every bar in Trinaville. Blavin has no recollection of any of these incidents ever happening.

Luke H. A wizard who loves pumpkin spice lattes so much that they control the weather to make it fall year round. Badass basic Luke. I'm hopeless! A down-on-er-look adventurer, almost drowned in the new Glade Home Water Park and woke up getting mouth to mouth from Erdan. Not a great way to start your vacation. Timmy R has their

own handy Andy, but they call him Sandy, because every time he gets off Timmy's wrist, handy Sandy runs right to the beach. Alex M, a runway model for Rivas, who is modeling the latest trend to take over Bohemia. Wimples. It's never simple if it's a Wimple. Aaron RS, the only goblin in the Feywild with a completely well-tuned airship. It's clean, it's pristine, it's on fire. Okay, it's on fire now. Oh no. Lucas B.

Half orc Centaur who is so jacked that their arms are pretty much the same size as their huge horse legs. It's hard for Lucas to wear a shirt, but then again, why would they? Ruben A. Oh it's a delicate test in outside Glateron, but don't make a joke about asking if they have a Rubin because Rubin has honestly heard them all, okay? Okay. Jordan L.

The greatest tuba player in Bahumia. Also the greatest tuba player in Trinneville. But the people there are more into electronica, so it's less of a notable distinction. Laura S. A sky pirate who was able to safely parachute off the black galley end before it was destroyed. Laura landed on a nearby cruise ship and is now hatching a plan to steal all of the vessel's shrimp.

Jay Parker, the first player to hit a so-so-sit trick playing the Giant Shredder game at Smuggler's Bounty. Jeff also is the first to ever successfully whack all the moles. Austin C., the Jester Mage. Austin is currently under investigation by the Bohumian clowning coalition for allegedly using Tosh's hideous laughter on a client. That's a no-no. Austin MR, aka The Butcher known as Bonesa.

Currently doing a reverse-sweeney Todd where they turn people into meat pies and then sell their leftover hair to wigshops. Confusing. Just a pissed off Triss aka touch it, currently going around Bohumiya planting more dry ads. Which may sound noble, but it's actually the fay wild equivalent of child abandonment. Triss, please rethink this! Haley Elise, the honey queen with a heart of gold.

You might think Kaley's got a pretty cushy life, but she's actually super allergic to pollen. Heavian Sniffley is the head that wears the crown. Dave J, aka Bell in the Bard. A traveling bar that follows the band of boobs around singing tales of their exploits, currently plotting the murder of their new and extremely popular rival, Turbo Timituna.

Devon W, an extremely selfless clayd home citizen, who runs a charity that hires new servants for recently disgraced Royal Elves. Shinowa B, obsidian's vocal coach, luckily for Shinowa, Onyx paid for the lessons up front. Aaaaah! Jared E, the only good nomish salesman in all of Bohemia. Jared doesn't have a deck of many things, but they do have Yu-Gi-Oh cards.

Nice. Brian, Pindagas' former roommate, moved out after Pindagreans broke the toilet and started using something he calls the Pruss Closet instead. Persephone, the druid who designed the sunflower prisons that the Feywild trolls were hidden in, realizing a bit too late that they probably should have planted them somewhere other than an open field. Joseph M. The Half-Ork Bard. Ish! Joseph attended Bulumiya's Bard College of Fowler, but flunked out because their bardic inspiration

always sounded super passive-aggressive. Reese NS, a Beastmaster Ranger whose animal companion is just their friend Greg. Everyone in Reese's party is fine with this loophole, but they do wish Greg would wear clothes. Jackie, last surviving member of a race of flying amphibians known as Gullywugs. The invention of airships was not kind on Jackie's species. Haley, runs the dueling glove shop in Vainelar, currently drinking themself into a stupor because they just lost their biggest client.

Eric and Andrea B, an adventuring duo who are currently celebrating 11 years of marriage, currently planning a couples trip with Kran and Durland to absolutely fuck shit up in the 9 Hells. Steven C, a nomist druid currently breeding battle corgis for the upcoming war with Ilsaid. No ankle is safe. Diane W, a dwarven archer whose arrows are actually just super long, thin hammers. Diane can build a bird house from 300 feet away.

Maxwell C. A rebellious chosen officer who plays by their own rules. Maxwell drinks almond milk and only praise the theala twice a day. What a rebel. Mike K. A creepy demon clown that lures children into the sewers, was recently murdered by a group of rowdy Frostwind dwarvens. The last word Mike ever heard were,

clowns are stupid, fuck you, dude. Michael M, a Bohumian orthodontist on a quest to remove Beverly's braces. The Aulan L said have now joined forces to prevent this long-proficied event from coming true. Omri-M found at the first Trinaville chapter of the green teens, currently working on getting their Jam and Jelly Awareness patch.

Kalim-L, a beautiful pitch black armored warhorse that bow jangles will personally ride into battle. Charo Arcaidius, a tiefling warlock whose tail has a mind of its own. Charo loves comedy, but their tail loves drama. Unfortunately no one in Bohemia has invented dramedies yet, so Movie Night at Charo's place remains a nightmare. Scott D, a Trinvillian astronomer that was burned at the stake for suggesting that the world might be square instead of round.

Andrew A. Runs a convenient store in Trinneville and had to ask Nyak to leave after he saw a king-sized Butterfinger bar and began weeping uncontrollably. Okay, that's all our shoutouts for this week. Thank you all so much for listening. We'll see you next time. Bye! That was a Hate Gum podcast.