Not Another D&D Podcast - Trinyvale - Ep. 11: Arduous Awakening

Episode Date: May 18, 2020

Having finally escaped their enemies' clutches, the heroes of Retrieval Team 22 head to heart of the Kelsun Peaks in search of the secret headquarters of a strange organization known as "The Golden Iris Society." Jens takes a perilous dive, Onyx makes a connection, and Nyack battles a seriously upset stomach as the secrets of Trinyvale begin to unfold!Music CreditsSound Design by Daniel Ramos (www.TheDanielRamos.com and @Dr.Schubird on IG)"Trinyvale Intro and Outro" by Emily Axford“Sweeping up the Shards” by Emily Axford"The Little Moon" by Emily Axford"Blavin Blandfoot's Bellowing Blunders" by Jens Christian Tvilum“Moonsick“ by Jens Christian Tvilum"The Infinite Cheeks of Destiny" by Jens Christian Tvilum"The Wisdom of Neddas" by Jens Christian Tvilum"The Journey of the Three" by Jens Christian TvilumSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey everybody, it's Emily here to talk to you about Adam and Eve. Who wants better sex? And who wants to start having better sex immediately? The best way to level up your sex game is to go to Adamaneeve.com right now. Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item, plus free shipping, which includes rush shipping. More than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority.

Plus 100% free shipping with rush processing on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy, all will be packaged and sent discreetly. So don't wait, better sex is just a click away. That's 50% off one item, free shipping with rush processing. Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to Adamineave.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire.

Just enter offer code PAPA at checkout. That's P-A-W-P-A-W at Adamineve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to the podcast, so be sure to use the code PAPA to get your discount 100% free shipping and get it fast with brush processing. Code P-A-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, sweeties. This is a headgun podcast. Welcome to Trinneville. Trinneville. Trinneville. Trinneville. Just like cascading waves. Rushing in at the steps of my beach house.

Seriously, you got beach houses supposed to be on Castilles? No, no, no. I like to be right up close. It's too close to the ocean, man. A world where every rule has an exception. Every secret has a secret, and every Keith has an Onyx. Oh, my gosh. It is a true adventurers paradise.

Today's story begins on the ancient continent of Pramora, where a small, silver airship is traveling further and further north-east towards the mountain range known as the Kelsen peaks. The air grows thin and cold. Lush green gives way to rigid brown, then ghastly white until suddenly, tall mountains surround the airship on all sides like jagged teeth attempting to snag unknowing prey. Will the Trinneville trio find the Golden Iris Society's secret headquarters, or will they be drawn and quartered by a group of ice goblins?

Only time will tell. I don't need any more goblins in my life. And so without further ado, let's rejoin Retrieval Team 22 and begin chapter 11 of the Trinavale Adventure. Adventure. Adventure. Stuttering on a different part each time. Give me on my toes. My toes are of course covered in the beautiful beach water. At your very poor investment of a beachfront property.

It feels like my future is slipping away with the tide. It's an Airbnb, but nobody wants to rent it. I don't understand. Hello friends and welcome back to the table. I am of course your dungeon master, aka, a dunkel called Well Tanner. How are we all doing? who would like to introduce themselves gens lindell sword dancer mercurio lancer because he has all those boils and you lance them right yes

kind of an angel thing are you just claiming that you killed him is that what's going on I feel like that's what happens can Can we all agree that that's what happens? I think maybe Zee deserves a little credit. Onyx Lumiere getting handsy in the hand. Bravo. My first time doing it on D&D. That's yeah, everyone around of a plus from six. Thank you so much. My first time in fucking D&D.

Yeah, D&D Virginia. It's been a while. I've been playing for a while. And of course we have Nyak with rana for the unlaid Jake plays exclusively virgins That's how they're so powerful Yeah, Nyak's definitely got like a promise ring

I want to lose my virginity till my brother does. Not that kind of promise. I've clearly lost it many times. You're like emotionally, yes, I've seen you. You can't lose it many times. I don't want to get in the weeds, but I do think that Jens has had sex at least once. But it was not good sex.

Yeah. He definitely tried super hard and his partner could tell. Very performative, I imagine. Yeah. Well, I'm screaming. Okay, before we mount this mountain, I'll buy a quick recap. Last time we met, you three had just defeated

Raster von Weinhardt, the man who killed both Jyn's father, Lazlick Lindell, as well as Onyx parents, Grafite and Basil Toa. It was revealed that Rass had attempted to use the power of a shard saber called the Beckoning Void to defeat Lazlick in a duel, but was overwhelmed by the entity known as Verlis and forced to do his bidding. With his dying breath, Rass told you that the only way to kill Verless was to journey into a world known as the Perifera.

Rass death also meant that Onyx's Shard became Verless' primary conduit for his chaotic machinations. You all took a moment. Don't rub it in, thank you. It's a recap I got a rub. Got a rub in the cap. Don't rub it in, thank you. It's a recap, I got a rub. Got a rub in the cap. That's how it works. You all took a moment to mourn your uncle, but were then interrupted by Ken and fire from

the pirate crew watching overhead. With their leader gone, the dread horizon decided to try and wreck your airship to sell it for scrap. However, before they could demolish you, Onyx's lover Keith and his ambiguous lady friend Karen appeared in a huge golden techno-mat to help you fight. Jens used his very real car knowledge to pilot the ship while Onyx and Nyak manned the cannons. Eventually thanks to the help of Jens' Dimension door spell, you were able to take down all five ships. To celebrate,

Onyx had sex with Keith and the Hull of the giant golden robot while Niaq and Jins watched awkwardly. It's weird, you know, when you say like that, it's like weird, crass, rude, but it just felt very romantic and magical. You gotta live your truth. After the steam cleared, Mercurio Delurio, the mysterious tycoon whose airship helped you escape the benefactors mansion, began steering the ship towards Vena Doss, and demanded you hand over the Gennaract crystals you would recover. After a brief argument, Zogaf Lorck, Mercurio's assassin half orch bodyguard, betrayed Mercurio by stabbing him and tossing him overboard

into the sea below. She then revealed that she has a sinner's mark tattoo like Blavins and has secretly been working deep undercover with the Golden Ira society, so deep that not even Blavin knew about it. She then made out with Norwalk and made everyone a little uncomfortable. Haha, probably more uncomfortable than Onyx made anyone really. Equally to say, you think you are uncomfortable with everything that happened. You then set a new course towards the society's secret headquarters in the Kelsen peaks and breathed a huge collective sigh of relief. And that is where we are now. So, as I mentioned, you are kind of flying through

these just jagged peaks, this just like mountain range, known as the Kelsen peaks. In the distance, you see one extremely tall mountain. This is of course Mount Kelsen, and that is the destination that Z has plotted for you. But as you approach it, as you get closer to this big mountain, the golden techno mech stops and beckons for you to stop as well. And then a huge hand deposits Keith on your deck.

Please wash that hand. I sniff the hand. Of course. All right, come on now. I always carry a purell, would you like some? Coat the hand in it. Oh my gosh, please. You see the techno mech pulls out an enormous bottle of Purell

and slathers it on the golden hands. I jump on the hand and start to look like a girl in a wet t-shirt contest, but with Purell. Oh, truly wet and also wild. Feels like the hand is dirty again. This is wrong. While I would love to stay here and coat myself and you as well with various cleansing oils,

unfortunately I just received a call from Dougal and it seems that we are needed for an urgent matter back home in Sonoma lands. Ain't that classic. Wow, so it's gonna kind of... I'm a modern woman, I take this not personally. Please no, Zotan. You have your job, I have mine.

But that doesn't mean we won't have the hand. We're going for one more, Ruff. Oh, absolutely. Wait, wait, good Lord. Close the fingers. Let's make this official. Okay, Keith. I wish not to leave. Please know that I am not ghosting you. I promise.

I do not feel gusted and I am not gusting you. There is no ghost here. This house is fully unhaunted. This house has been performed here. Yes, we have. The sage has been smudged. It's been sage So it's plenty of actual plasm so I love the way you talk And you do you talk I like how your accent is just so uncertain. It's just a big So unfortunately Keith and Karen have urgent matters back in the gnome lands. They head back.

I still give Karen the stinker. It doesn't register at all. You think you see that Karen is like, just a very earnest good person. Okay, Karen, bye Karen. It's lovely to meet you all. Yeah, okay. Bye Karen. Bye, Nia.

Can I get your number please? Already said bye, Karen. Bye, Jins. Karen, I think you're fine for the record. I don't really feel one way or the other about you. Blavin, I'll text you later. Oh, okay. Oh, okay.

So they get back into their techno-mech and fly off. Seconds later, you get a text from Keith saying, miss you already. Oh my god, I respond. Me too. Actually, it looks like I'm typing for a really long time and then I just land on me too. With a period. with a period. With a period. Oh brutal.

Keith texts the waving hand emoji three times. Whoa. And then a wink. I sent him a titshot. Oh my. My God, go into the bathrooms. The airplane is moving again. You probably shouldn't do that on the deck.

That's all I'm saying. Just flapping in the wind. Honestly, I think you posted that to a trinstagram. No, did I? Do a roll. Do a textarity roll. A textarity roll? Yeah.

Oh no. Yeah, do a textarity save to see if your puraled finger slipped. Seven. It's up. Seven, I don't know what I'm doing, I'm doing it immediately. Do a charisma role. I want to see how people respond. Maybe you have to post like a sincere apology,

but like maybe your fans are like, speak your truth, you know, the body's beautiful. Okay, is it a charisma saving throw? So I'm saving my ass right now. No, just do a check. Nine. You get some angry DMs from Midwestern moms. I respond to all of them with paragraphs of apologies.

Take the picture down. I consider posting a picture, the same picture, but with emojis over my nipples and like a really indignant thing about how I should be able to post it, but I decide another day. So as you are doing damage control on this Instagram post, Z begins piloting closer and closer towards Mount Kelsen. And as you grow closer, it comes fully into frame and you get like a good look at this big, big tall mountain. At its base, you see a large lake whose water is still as glass and mirrored within this water is a perfect inverse of the proud mountain that now fills your view.

You see its majestic snow-capped height kind of just towering above you. And you see Z kind of pulls the ship up and then puts it into a hover position. And then she pulls out a small golden remote with three oval buttons on it. small golden remote with three oval buttons on it and she presses them click click click and as she does this you see three torches a light on the mountain there's one orange one one purple and one green and then once all three torches are lit you see the flames warp and stretch into strands of golden light that connect to each other in the form of a golden triangle. ZCs this happen and instantly starts frowning. Geez, looks like they've updated security since I was last here.

Normally you can just fly right through, but I guess there's some trick to it now. They change this system like every two weeks. Hold on, I gotta check and see if I got an email about this. In the meantime, Blav and Lentu and the gang, take a whack at trying to crack this code. Yeah, we could figure it out. So we've got Orange, Purple and Green.

All of the flames have coalesced into a single, golden triangle, kind of like midway up the mountain. It looks like it would be a gateway, but there's actually nothing on the other side of it. Well, I don't want to do an offensive attack because they might think that they're being invaded. I would think that would be wise, yes. This is actually my first time going to HQ proper and I want to like really make a good impression hoping I can kind of climb in the organization. What is the symbol of this order?

The symbol of the order is three eyes stacked on top of each other with like ornate DNA strand kind of weaving between them. Are there other torches that are not lit? No, there are no other torches. All you see is this big mountain with this like triangular golden gateway and below the mountain you see a large pool of water. Oh, interesting. Can I look into the reflection and see if we see anything in the reflection?

Can we dive into the reflection and see if we see anything in the reflection? Can we dive into the reflection? You! Yeah. That's smart. Of course! I drop a butter finger BB into the reflection. I would so dance it'll sink straight to the bottom. You see a narwhal jumps up and perfectly punctures the BB on a torn.

Don't eat it all at once, giant, not a wall. Yeah. The borne narwhal will be out for mating season for sure. You see, as the narwhal jumps up and then dips back into the water, the water doesn't ripple at all. And you see the perfect inverse reflection of the mountain stays still as well. You also see that the triangle is upside down and it seems to have a strange golden light

emanating from it. It seems like the ticket. I think so. Oh, is it the reflection? Is that what it was? It's a reflection, we must dive into the water. Okay, I'll put up the hood. Hey, everyone ready?

Ready to dive? Yeah. Okay, great work on that I got a lot of spam emails, you know, I signed up for a gym membership and now they're just emailing Every day, you know, you did just assassinate the most evil person in our world So I think it's paying off that's true. Hey, thank you. Yeah, you know, maybe I should take that zoom a class So, you put the canopy up on the newly named Dread Horizon, and you descend into the water. I do put on my speedo, and I would like to attempt a very charismatic dive.

Ooh, I put on a monochini. Well, you want to dive alongside the vessel? Yeah, I would like to do like a beautiful high dive. Okay, uh, I'm holding all the chances closed and bonded with my hands. Bring that with you through the portal. Just think of the theater goes down my cheek. Do you have a bag full of speedos as well? As close?

I have many bags of my brothers belonging. I got a 20 performance check. Holy shit. Wow. 20 in performance. Yeah. So, you do the most beautiful dive. You like flip multiple times into a perfect jackknife.

Splush. You splash through the ripple-less water. Give me a constitution check because it is definitely below freezing. I'm 13. 13. You're cold as hell, but I think you're going to keep all your toes. You see the narwhal swims beside you and provides you some warmth so that you don't freeze. And then did anyone else want to dive into the water? No, I just put on a monochini and just watch. Gens. What is a monochini?

It's like a one piece, but then the sides are like kind of cut out. So it's like almost a bikini, but also almost a one piece. Okay. So it's like a Swiss cheese bathing suit. Yeah. Fantastic. So you're wearing a Swiss cheese bathing suit. soup. Yeah. Fantastic. So you're wearing a Swiss cheese bathing suit, true to your moon heritage, and you dive and descend and go through this little tunnel. And as you go through the tunnel, the water magically disappears. It seems like there's some sort of barrier protecting this tunnel from getting water into it. And as you fly along it, you see that thin veins of living gold swim through the marble on all sides.

The gold gives off a warm glow that serves to further illuminate this tunnel. And so you fly down this tunnel, it's this kind of like inverse triangle shaped tunnel and you're just kind of like cruising through it and I just nude in cold and falling through the air I think you're just on top of the ship Can I shout to Jen's Jen's look at all that gold. That's your rent money right there. Ah! Just testicles completely inside right now. Ah!

Yeah, you fight on this tunnel for way too long. Long enough for Jen to fully rethink his actions. Mike, as his brother, are you concerned or is this normal? I need to get in his pants, as testicles. They have shrivel to the sides of the butter fingericles. They have shriveled their insides of Butterfinger Bebe's. They're inside, I have their inside. I mean the size of Butterfinger Bebe's is an imposing size. That's true.

Give me a constitution check to see how shriveled your testicles are. Oh god. That's a five. Ha! Yeah, they're fully retracted. And the glove on them, brother. Naya, I need you to scoop them out. That one runs over with the sack with another little sack for a brother's test.

I'm starting to pull on a glove. It's like watching a sad dog get his anal gland expressed. Ah! So as this charade unfolds, you travel further and further down this tunnel. Until eventually, the tunnel ends and you find yourself inside a massive white cathedral. The walls are immaculate, save for the golden veins that streak across them. Below and in place of a floor, you see a thick carpet of grass and flowering vines. And in the center of the cathedral, you see a large, three-sided golden pyramid jutting out of the ground. Above the pyramid, you see several golden veins, if coalesced into a large pool, which drips down in an unbroken column of golden glowing magma, directly onto the tip of the pyramid.

As your ship approaches, a small crowd pours out of the opening in front of the pyramid and begins to greet you. Hello, we come in peace. Hey, yeah, though. This is just the crew. You know, it's mostly researchers, you know scouts Some some spies, but mostly these are the tech folk. Yeah, I told everybody we were comments Well, they're pretty psyched to see us. So let me just let me just set this bad boy down, okay? I yell out over the edge My balls are normal size I think you still haven't got them out Take it deeper. I have you here haven't got them out. Take it deeper, I hack. You hear one of the technicians very faintly says, okay, I can't find the brother.

They have to be in there somewhere. They're lost. I fear they'll never be found, but... So... Jesus. You said you're shipped down in a patch of grass. And as you do this small crowd, cheers and rushes towards you. You see they all wear black jumpsuits bearing the ornate three-eyed sinners mark pattern. And as the craft sets down, Z hops out and kind of walks over high five as a bunch of people,

it seems she is extremely popular. She's making pleasantries with everyone, including an older orkin human couple that you think might be her parents. Wow. It's so weird to meet a work friend's parents. It's so weird to meet a work friend's parents. It's unsettling. Yeah, before you can think too much about it though, a hush, a reverent hush falls over the crowd and they begin to part. And as they do, you see a strange sight.

Everyone give me a perception check. Matt 20. Whoa, really? Yeah. Holy shit. Very cool.? Yeah. Holy shit. Very cool. Net 5. Oh, no.

19. 19. Wow. Good rolls from the boys. So, Niac, I think you and Jens with your Elven eyesight, kind of see this first. You see this figure walking towards you and it is a female humanoid made entirely out of thick wooden vines. She wears a plain white robe with golden trim and jewelry that seems to be made out of

actual grapes. Instead of earrings, she's just got like two bunches of grapes coming down off her ears. And as she walks towards you, her luscious mane of autumn leaf hair flickers with golden light. And in the wooden sockets of her eyes, you see two pearlescent beads glowing brightly. And with that 20, you notice something else. You notice that the burls and knots on this dry ad's face seem to be in the exact same location as Onyx's, Pock marks. Oh, she, she seems very cool. Do you notice anything about her? Sort of.

Cool hot sexy neat interesting out like the doctor. Oh no, she does not recognize me. It is as I feel it. She looks like you except a tree. You see this dry ad comes closer almost a little ashamed and she cups your face with her two gnarled hands and she says my sweet little chicken. He said really you, he said really my Is that you began? Do you have chickens on the moon? Is Onyx a tree? Oh! I thought you were dead!

I thought you were a past! I was. I was Onyx. Oh, it is so good to see you. There's so much to tell. Oh, where did you go? Why didn't you tell me? I wanted so bad to tell, but you see in this form now.

I am bound to my task I am a revenant that is why when I saw you had been recruited by Blavin my heart jumped with joy now now come I would tell you everything but first we must celebrate okay I've been saving a bottle of chicken wine in some of our finest butterfing at BBs for just this occasion. You love them too? Of course I think. I must get that from you.

We share so much my sweet daughter. Is... is... father alive? You see... her brow kind of tilts downward in creaks and her eyes flicker and it seems like she wants to cry but that's not something her body can do anymore. She just says, come inside, I will tell you all. Please, Blavin, Nook, Nyak, Jins, Z, please come as well. We have much to discuss. But I couldn't possibly have a better finger, baby. I had one last week.

Oh, sweet boy. I've, of course, been briefed on your happenings by Z and I've seen your presence on the Trinstagram and I have delighted in watching your adventures. Not today, all right. You haven't been on the... No, I did not have time to check today unfortunately. Okay, good day. Did you post a funny meme? Ah, yeah. Did you post a funny meme? Um, I did, no, there was a mistaken post, then either got taken down, so I'm glad that you did not-

Jenslyn Dell official actually had a few good, um, good goes. Oh, past few days. Of course I- Of course I follow your videos, Jens. If I may make a suggestion, I think if you did more skits it would be funny. I could do it. I could do it. I could do it.

I could do it. I could do it. I could do it. I could do it. I could do it. I could do it. I could do it. I could do it.

I could do it. I could do it. I could do it. I could do it. I could do it. I could do it. I could do it. I could do it.

I could do it. I could do it. I could I don't want to do skits. I do routines. I'm video-taping this all. I'm video-taping Jen's meltdown in posting it with hilarious meltdowns. I'm still in the speedo. The front of the speedo is sucked up. Hell very hilarious meltdowns. Oh my name. Can we get in a row boss something perhaps? Maybe a jumpsuit? Would you like a jumpsuit? Yes, I would like a jumpsuit. She gets you a very baggy jumpsuit.

I'm sorry, it is a triple XL. This would be perfect for one of my skits. So, Grafitte, which is of course Grafite's Lumiere, your mother, in this strange, in this strange, diatic, Revenant form leads you into the pyramid. You see that she looks sad, but there's like a little skip to her step in her golden leafy hair kind of flickers with this energy and this buoyancy. It's almost floating a little bit. And as you enter this pyramid, you see that it is unlike the outside, constructed mostly of black

marble and it has the same golden lacing throughout it. This is what I want to do with the apartment. Not that any of you will be living in it. Are you like the decoration? I think it's alright. I was thinking about kind of doing the same thing with my townhouse. Our apartment. My townhouse. Oh yes, mother, this is my roomie. Of course, yes.

Oh, it's so nice to meet you all. We live in an out-cow studio. Yes. I saw some of the trend Instagrams. It seems very tiny, very petite. Yes, it is perfectly petite. It's actually really good for just one person. It's all we need.

If you just saw one person there, you would think they were doing really well. And I'm glad you like Simmar, but it is actually these golden veins, powers the entire thing. This pyramid is actually a false-generate crystal. It is the closest to replicating a crystal, so that's my team could come to. It provides enough power for us here to keep us safe within the cold stretches of the Kelson peaks, but it's not nearly as powerful as the real deal. And as she talks to you and kind of explains how everything works here in the Golden Iron Society,

she leads you past this bustling bullpen full of scholarly technicians. You see them all scanning various texts and like looking at relics. And then she leads you past her office and then into this glorious banquet hall. And you see that there are basket ball-sized butter finger babies laid out.

Decadent. Just multiple bottles of chicken wine. Borderline wasteful. I'm still looking at the bigger finger baby. No, do not worry. These are just big for show. You've enlarged them with magic. Okay. No one could eat a baby this big.

So is that the big food? Do you have like steaks or just like or like a ham or something Shins one of your testicles I heard it My got suction noise a reverse suction Maybe know I can pop out the other one Maybe no, I can pop out the other one. I do like when you like try to like pop your ear. So I plug the one that's already out and I try to pop out the other one.

What happens? I just I kick you really hard in the gut and see if that works. I got a 19 on the constitution save. Wow. I think with a 19 they're out. Yeah. What are you blowing? What? Wow, I think with the 19 they're out to be more testicles This is concerning I'm gonna put two of these away

You need to go to a bathroom My big brother has more testicles than anyone I have to I Yelts to the help I have to Today you have more for sure. Graphi-Summon, your buddy honors you. Graphi-Summon's a doctor. Like a feed tree. Puts you behind a little curtain and inspects you.

And the doctor says, yeah, turns out it's just super bruised. The bruise is so big it just looked like a third ball. Oh, okay. That's good. What were you doing? Well, I did a really good dive everyone saw and thought it was really good actually got a lot of trinstagram Not necessarily followers, but heat I got to show the video and it's just me pressing the record A video of him saying did you get it?

a video of him saying, did you get it, night? Uh-huh. The doctor looks at it, just like, uh-huh, uh-huh. This explains nothing. Anyway, the doctor does some healing magic on you, gives you some clothes that actually fit. And then as the curtain is pulled back, Graffite comes up to you and hands you one of the giant Butterfinger BBs and says,

I know, I know. And then she karate chops it in half. Psh, it breaks open to reveal inside a beautiful steaming filet mignon. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Yes, Sisa, King-size wish-bibis. Ah, wish-bibis. Anything was in the reason that you require can be found within the BB. I wish I could get through a full butter finger BB.

Is that truly a wish? No. Okay, no. Cool, so you all sit down at the table? Yes. Great. Graphite pours you some wine, sits next to you, kind of just like, hold your hand, it's gonna just like so excited to see you again. And then she tells you the story of what happened. Okay.

Is that night in sustainable? Yes. As Basel Twa in I lay dying, he used the last of his magic to form an enchanted seed that he planted deep within my heart. After my body was buried, I was slowly able to regrow myself into this grapevine revenant that you see before you. Now I have only one purpose

that I am bound to before I can return to Basil Twy in the life beyond. And that purpose is to gathers again our crystals and use them to awaken the hidden God. them to awaken the hidden God. So you are another person who wishes to use the crystals. Only before I destroy them. Who is the hidden God? And who gave you this purpose? Is this a purpose that you harbored in your heart before you became a tree? This was the purpose of the Golden Irish Society the entire time.

This was our true purpose. We were founded to keep this world safe from the gods that made it. But beyond that, our true purpose was to use the power of the gods to awaken the fourth entity. There are whispers of its existence. Some cultures believe this God created the trine, while others say that they were created at the same time, and the other gods rose up against their sibling and sealed them away. Some people say that the three other gods, the trine, stole the fourth god's power. Whatever its origins, all the religious

text and sacred documents that we have gathered here, documents found deep within cave, sealed in the urns at the bottom of the ocean, these documents and texts all agree on one thing. If the hidden god is awoken, the world will finally return to a peace that has not been experienced since the time of the golden eternity at the beginning of history. And that, my friends, my sweet daughter, is our true purpose. It is the purpose I was reborn for. She can have all of my crystals. You can have all of my crystals. You can have, you can have all of our crystals. I know you are worried about the crystals about them falling into the wrong hands, but you needn't worry because the information that we need from them can only be obtained by by destroying the crystals. Okay. You see the waiters clear away the plates,

take away the remnants of your stake and your babies. One of the waiters says, would you like this in a doggy bag? I could never eat this if I lived a thousand years. How to any of you survive? The way to nods, too true, too true. And he pulls out his BB, been working on this bad board for three years. Take this to the Hungryest Village, you know I'm saying. I see why Graffi chose you. Go with Grace. I see why Graphic chose you. Go with Grace.

It takes the remains of your BB with a new divine purpose. And as the table is clear, you see the table flashes and turns into a illuminated surface. holographic runes and displays jump up from it. And in the center, you see this strange mechanism. At its base there's this classical iron cauldron, but there are tubes and advanced mechanisms coming off of it, and you see it's just kind of like circling around you in the center of the table. And you see, Graffiti points to it and says, this is the lathe of creation. It is believed that the gods were birthed from this. And then later on, they used this lathe to replicate their own energy in the form of Zygynarac crystals. What we need to discover how to awaken a hidden God is to return the crystals to this lathe. As you know, the crystals are powered by the collective memory of the world, by society, by the connections shared by all those who live.

And so to break these crystals down, we would gain access not only to the memories of the world, but the memories of the gods themselves. And by unlocking those memories, we can hopefully find a way to revive the god that was hidden, the fourth golden presence. I know this is a strange time to do this, but I need to do a perception check if this is really my mom. Mm, do you wanna do a perception or insight? Either.

Okay, yeah, just go and roll. You can take the highest. 19. 19. Onyx, you look deep into this dry-edged eyes. You see this like perlescent white light glowing inside them. And you realize that's the same light that you saw in the crystal that was given to you. You also see the grapes that adorn her body on her necklace and on her earrings,

are the same grapes you grew with the vineyard. You know without a shadow of a doubt, this is your mom. Great. And then I continue to take this all in. Okay, you must have more questions. I know that you have been kept in the doctor so long, and I'm here to answer as much as I can. We don't know what to do with the crystals, so if you do. I like what you are saying. I mean, we want to destroy the crystals.

Yes, the current gods seem not great, but also the benefactor seems not great. So one's good. Another option another option, everyone's bad. Sort of wonderful. Could this God like bring my dad back, bring somebody's... Dad back, no, like he should have won the fight. Could he just go back and win like he was supposed to? Another question is this piece that is prophesied. Yes. Does it come because those in power think that slavery is peace.

Or death is peace. Can we just get clarification that it's not like some kind of cleansing piece? Yes. there are anything in the prophecy. Everyone gets their own townhouse type deal. It's legit chill piece. Yeah, we wanted to be a chill piece, like bean bags just grow out of the floor. Is it prophecy of peace? Degrowl style peace. Yes, the other god Dave Grohl. Yes.

Let's say everybody likes Dave girl. It's universally fine to all. I think everyone thinks he's at least pretty good. Yes. Some say that the God is growl like. Okay. They say that in the broadcast. I can't argue against that.

They say that this God is the Holy Girl. Is that Holy Girl? Is that Holy Girl? Yes Is that the Holy Hall? That one, my daughter, that one. Okay. There are little is known about the hidden God. Some theorize that this God is pure magic, that it is the magic that is all around us given form.

Some say that it is the one feeling of comfort you get from doing the right thing. Oh, that's quite a claim. There are others still who say that the golden entity, the hidden God, is just hope, is just the promise of a better way. And it is my belief that by awakening this God we can at least create another option, another way forward to make the world better and more whole. Okay, I pledge my crystals to your cause. Thank you, my daughter. And Jins, you as well? Yeah. Thank you, Nayak. I go where my brother goes. What about a Zitaini robot man, Kichain?

Kichain. I will, Kichain will have to speak for himself. I open Kichain. Kichain's a robot, I speak for him. He's fine with it. No, what did we just talk about? He's not the, the, the, the, the, the power of believe that flavor is peasy. You're dreaming about, he's a robot.

He's a robot. Kichain, you eat out of the toilet. He's not moving. He's not moving. He's not moving. He's not. None of you are, all of you are crashing on my couch. You all pay equal rent.

All of you are suffering. On its, Keychain, blah, blah, blah, blah, nothing. Yeah. We split zero for waste. Agreed. You're all robots. I will give you all of our crystals If I give you my crystal can you be my mommy?

That is a beautiful question for a beautiful boy of course key chain Kitchen, I never knew you wanted a mommy. I never knew you had a crystal key chain I never knew you had a crystal keychain. Yes, it was you three, me, I had one, and then of course, kitchen at the last one, if you'll recall. I thought it was Norwalks. Hey, what the fuck? Are we offered the crystal to Norwalk, but I believe you was too busy getting handsy with Z.

Hey, that's too true, you know. I'm guilty as charged. Take me away if that's a crime. Lock me up and throw away the key. Z takes one of the big wish-beebies, cracks it in half. You see it's full of just two margaritas and she and Norwalk just down him. Wow.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Margaritaville, looking for my little shaker assault. That's me. So yeah, Blavin also hands over his crystal and used to keychain, gives Graffi, his crystal as well. and you see Keychain gives Graphite his crystal as well and Graphite kind of bow solemnly says, I promise you can trust me. Now let's us get down to business. Mother, may I take I wish BB for the future. Of course. Yes. Would you like a wish BB as well? I suppose I will never wish it to be more BBs. I've had a film. You see the wish BBs are like the normal

BBs, but they have kind of a ethereal glow to them. They kind of swim with the same like luminescent pearl colored light. And graphite taps three of them, shrinks them down into normal BB size. And they just look like these beautiful brown and white pearl marbles. And she gives you each one. I am in the market for a new weapon, but I don't know what I want yet. So I could use a wish. I am actually very glad you brought up a weapon

for you see, to enter Zorelm where the lathe of creation lies, you must be much stronger. You are all very strong and you have failed well on your journey, but the great chaos, on your journey, but the great chaos, the periphera, the great-ass, the holy grass, where the lathe lies, deep within the periphera is a terrible land full of strange beings controlled by verless. And I, as a mother and as a friend, would not be comfortable sending you in there on the prepared. So while I have you here, I would like to take you on and train you to unleash the potential that I see within you all.

Each of you has, on your possession, an item or a weapon that can further your development as warriors, as heroes of the retrieval team, if you will. And if I have your blessing, I would like to use these crystals one last time before they are destroyed to attune you to these items. It would be an honor. Wonderful. An honor indeed. Very well. Jens. I know. Okay. Wonderful. However, that is tomorrow's problem. Oh, okay. Wow. I'm so excited to do it. So this is how we're going to meet Dave Graal today. I was about

to take a knee. You're not ready to meet the girl. Oh good, because I have a different monoghini. I'd like to wear what I made. Oh yes, of course. I will take you to the gift shop. Would you leave Keith for Dave Groff? That is a good question. That is a private question.

Maybe a room is, but there is privacy. Maybe not in our apartment, but in our hearts in privacy maybe not in our apartment but in our hearts and mom yeah not in our apartment you see everything if I leave Keith for Dave Grohl you will know because you will hear you will see oh yes speaking of as you noticed the corters here are quite large if you would like you may have individual rooms for yes thank you, thank you. But no, thank you. Well, it's very kind, but that is not that we'd travel. I can't see the invisibility on myself, and I try to choose one to have on my own. Oh my God, do I have anything?

Oh my God, can I cast Sickening Radiance on him? The light makes it impossible for the creature to benefit from being invisible. I make cast Locate Object on my brother's left testicle. So, to suck kind of you, to make a night light, it seems that our friend is afraid of the dark. No, you've turned him into a living night light, so considerate. What do you all want from me?

I want to sleep, head to toe, and head to head in the bed. Yes, I agree. So are you ready to retire or is there more that you would like to do more to discuss? Please tell me, I'm here to serve you. How are the benefactors' goals different than yours? It seems that this coalition is also against the trine. The benefactors' goals, the Lawers' goals were to destroy a God. He created a machine that harnessed the power of the Ginnara crystals.

The Benefactor was a God. Yes. And he wanted to use that power to destroy a God. So as to be the only God. Perhaps. to destroy a God. So has to be the only God. Perhaps, you see, the thing about the Trine is that they are united. Without one of them, magic would cease to be. So perhaps he wanted to destroy the fourth God.

That is a possibility. But we sought to have them fight. Yes. Despite having this grand archive of knowledge, there is still much we do not know. However, I will say that Nalar wishes to use the crystals in that machine of his, and by doing that, he would unleash a cataclysm similar to the one seen on Gennarach. Our aim is to destroy them so that that may never happen again. Leon's goals are simply to breed war in chaos. She is a warm monger after all, and while sometimes her goals may be aligned with yours at the end of the day all she wishes

for is more bloodshed. Nedas is the most mysterious of them all. We do not know what has become of Nedas since the shattering of Ginnarach. Their presence is still felt and they are still worshipped, but they themselves have not been spotted in some time. So I cannot speak to Nidhas' motivations, but, two out of three, I feel like we can make a pretty good assumption that they would use these crystals for ill gain. And by bringing the fourth entity to this world, we are not destroying the other gods. No, not at all.

We are not destroying Nidhas. Absolutely not. No, you would be preserving them're not destroying Nadas. Absolutely not. No. You would be preserving them. Perhaps creating more of an equilibrium. It's like the way Dave Graal could be in Queens of the Stone Age and the Foo Fighters at the same time. True that you got him. Have you read my thesis? Okay, fine. Yes, I would leave Keith for Dave Graal. Fine. Okay, we have no privacy now. What's in my eyes, boy?

Onyx. I know, I'm joking. I'm sorry, as a matter of fact, I cannot resist just thinking about you, not us little pimply babies. Oh, they would be very pimply with Keith. They would be very pimply. Oh, so crater, so small. They would be like little moons themselves.

Just tiny little polixes. Very cute. But you know, that's also kind of turning me off the relationship thinking we kind of just reconcile. I know. I missed you so, doctor, and just to see your face and to know that the Lumiere legacy will live on through you. Yes, I just didn't think that even as a revenue revenue you would still be pressuring me to give you grandchildren. No pressure. Of course you had casual sex in a hand. Oh, that is a hand job, if you will.

You see, gravity is like trying to be cool about this. Oh, so, cool. She's liberated young woman? And you had sex in front of your friends, I guess, yes? No, he didn't. The second time was a little bit in front of us. The fingers of the hand gave me my modesty. Yeah. That is how it is nowadays with the young people. It's very common to have sex in a hand. It was the first time I had seen it. So first time you had seen sex. All my girls have had a sex and I. Okay. Kev's cousin was also a witness.

I feel like graffiti like opens another bottle of chicken wine. It's like, okay, yes, tell me more. What are the youth of the day up to? I've missed so much being a revenant, a trot here in the Kelson Peak. I mean, honestly, my God has mostly been sort of to collect these crystals. So this was kind of like my first big like, I'm gonna go out and have a sex and a hand. Yes, letting off steam. Yes, it was my first time going to have a sex.

Did you just live in close quarters? They have sex in public. Yes. I mean, they go to a single butter finger beaver. Yes. It is sort of like private life becomes public. Public life becomes private. Truly, yes, I wild times. Yes.

When your father and I would cop your late, we would go to the greenhouse and they would say, Okay, okay, we're always sleeping, Jen. Yes. Yes. Yes. Brother, show us to our room. Yes, perhaps it is time to turn in.

You have a big day tomorrow. We must begin the attunement. Yes. So you're prepared for sleep? I'm prepared for sleep. Yeah. All righty. So Graffiti leads you to a single room.

Luckily, it is a suite. There are multiple beds, multiple TVs, a little balcony that looks out over this big patch of vines and grass, and multiple mini fridges, full of all the BBs you could eat. This is far too spacious. If any guards want us to share this space. What? No! Please invite.

This is everyone. There are three beds. This is plenty of beds. I curl up in the mini fridge and I say this will be fine for me. You see Z rings or parents in. It's like, A.C. Will you all sleep in the internet? No! Yes, this will be fine. What if you don't stay with us? All I need is a box spring. I sleep out on the balcony.

These parents are so thrilled meeting a Norwalk for the first time. Yeah, hello. How's it going? It's great to meet you. I'm Torax. Hey, I'm Norwalk. This is my husband Bradley. How's it going, Brad? Hi, nice to meet you. It's a pleasure. It's pleasure. It's a pleasure. We've got a firm grip there bud.

That's right. This firm is my artist, her daughter. You see they both like flash Z thumbs up. They're like, oh, you're really nailed it Z. We love you so much. He's a horny eight. Horty for a respectful relationship, baby. And listen, you know, I married a horny orc, and there's basically no difference.

So more power to you. Oh, I love you so much, Bradley. Come here. I love you, Mrs. Z. Mrs. Torex Lorck just like slams on your shoulder. I love a family bondage. Let's rent some paddle boats tomorrow. I'm horny for paddle boating as well.

I'm horny for family activities. Let's marry you right now. Nothing's hotter than camaraderie. Mom, chill out. Come on. Let's just, you know, we'll talk about a fucking do it Oh my god, would you? Goodness, Alex pokes her head out of the mini fridge to watch this beautiful moment What my best lady be

Alex pokes her head even further out of the mini fridge She went to you. Singing a moon song. Not trying to get attention. Obsidian quick, make a noise. Oh, I'm just taking up space getting your attention. Jakes just dealing all the voices. So yeah, you see Z pulls out a ring. Clearly she has plundered it from one of her mini adventures. And she gets down on a knee and proposes to Norwa. See, I humbly accept your proposal. I weep big crocodile tears.

Oh, let us be wet on the first day of the eternal peace. Till then, lover, till then. Can I do a perception check if he's just trying to buy time? Yes, absolutely. Okay, 19. I guess it's your decision now. What's your second character. Yeah. He's deeply in love with C. Oh, that's so nice.

That really is so nice. You see, this ape is horny as hell and he's found the first person that will have sex with him. Norwalk is horny for commitment above all else. So you see Z, Torex Bradley. Norwalk is horny for commitment above all else. So you see Zee, Torak, Spratley, and Norwalk head off to their own room so they can begin planning the wedding. They leave you be for the night. Okay. So it is you three in the room, of course, a lot of planning. Is it that always the way? So it's you three in the room, of course,

Blavin and Keychain are are here that waiter from before shows up Hey, you might have a crusher. No You're supposed to be halfway to the nearest hungry village That is a good call you made a promise to my friend what happened to your purpose? Have you no honor? I was going to begin my journey first thing tomorrow. I wanted to glean more of the wisdom from you, sir. Do you think Dave Graal would do that? Why would Dave Graal do that? I apologize for coming at you so hard.

You may sleep with my brother, say, what? He needs a full night's rest, brother. No, your brother was right. I was a fool and a coward. I will embark immediately. Please give me your blessing. I bless thee. And wait, wait, it might be cold out there.

Take two of these gloves. I have a hundred. Thank you. You gave him two left gloves. These will keep the BB nice and warm. Good. As intended of a BB. I don't have a hot BB.

Can I have a word? Yes, brother. So those are actually dueling gloves? I gave him only left, brother. You gave him, you gave him two lefts and those are my favorite to kind of throw down before I have a duel. You know that. I will not stalk him.

And you feel the Christ man. If you could, I would appreciate it. I'll return with Bozlord. Because Lord knows you did not find my testicles today. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I like to think he's right to the balcony. Shadow box on the balcony. You shadow like bow. You see a lot of like miming eating arrows. No, I can't. I can't.

I can't. Oh. So yeah, you all had to sleep. Blavin takes the couch. Seems like he's just somehow more comfortable there. Keychain sleeps in the bathtub, or at least powers down in the bathtub. It's hard to gauge in what time it is inside this weird white

structure, but actually, as you all decide to go to sleep, you notice the white marble of the cathedral switches to black. And you all find yourself drifting to sleep, having a nice, peaceful rest for the first time and what seems like years. Wow. This episode of NADPOT has brought to you by Bird Dogs. They're a company that makes pants and shorts, so no matter where you fall and the age old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered. Now we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's

gonna be difficult. Luckily Bird Dogs has made the decision of which pants and shorts to buy a little easier. Bird Dogs stretchy khakis are designed to fit slimmer through the thigh and leg to give you a truly sculpted look. And instead of making their clothes out of restricting cotton, Bird Dogs invented a cloud knit fabric that looks just like khaki, but stretches so you get a way slimmer fit without having to sacrifice movement. And trust me, you are going to need all the movement you can get when you and your brothers and legs are out there on the battlefield kicking the shit out of your rivals. So when the lower body battle begins and brother is forced to kick brother, make sure you

are wearing bird dogs. To get yours and a free Yeti-style tumbler, go to birddogs.com slash pop-up or enter promo code pop-off at checkout. That's birddogs.com slash pop-off or promo code pop-off for a free yeti style tumbler. You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay, that's it for me. Go team pants and enjoy the show. And you wake up the next day to a knocking on your door, and you see an attendant in one of the black jumpsuits has come to fetch you.

There's breakfast being served. I'm sorry we're a little short-safed. One of our waiters just departed in the middle of the night for some reason. There's a search party out looking for him. So poor for some reason. For the reason. For the reason. For the reason.

But breakfast is being served in the cafeteria if you'd like to join. Okay, yeah. That sounds good, yeah, I could go for breakfast. What would you like for breakfast? I'll have, um, um, griddle cakes. So you make your way to the mess hall. you see that there is like a wizard serving up these wish babies And you said grittled cakes coming right up

Great can I get a griddle cake that's been made with babies inside Baby grittles here you go I got a town So yeah explode. I go to town. So yeah, as you're going to town, what do y'all eat? I do Eggs Benedict. Classic. I will do Eggs Benedict as well. Why are you copying me?

You're going to hate it. You hate everything that's not true. I was going to get this anyway. Where are you? I really was. You sure? What is the sauce called? And I say it to everyone.

Say it to everyone. What the sauce is called. That makes Benedict. I pour some jelly on the floor to get. And I, it's called, it's, oh, oh, oh. Oh, you see, blabbing comes over. Oh, I see, you found my toast. I accidentally dropped it on the floor.

How did you step on that? That's so weird. You put it directly under foot. You must have. It's my fault. I poured jelly on it. I'm sorry. The jelly has a vendetta against me.

I dropped it like five feet away, and then somehow you just did a back flip that was beautiful and landed on my toast. It knows where I am at all times. It haunts me. It's weird. Well, I'm glad that I caught you all here, because I have something I needed to discuss with you.

Absolutely. So I've actually been given an assignment by Graffi. I do hope it wasn't important. She said herself it was mid-level important. Okay, okay, that explains why she didn't ask her only daughter. I don't know if you knew this, but working within the benefactors organization, that's kind of grunt work.

I'm trying to get to the position where I can just have a desk job and just chill. So this field work is not really in my vibe. You want something where you can be hung over and tell noon. Absolutely. I was going to say you want something so that happy hour has a purpose. I'm just trying to buy the time between happy hour and sleepy hour. You know what I mean?

Okay. But I'm going to be headed to Ilivas to search the ground archives for more information about the Ginnara crystals. And I'll be departing soon, but I just wanted to wish you all good luck on your attunement. And I'm sure I'll see you back here once our missions are complete.

Okay. Ilivas is close. How are you getting to Ilivas? Oh, there are other shuttles here, don't worry. Yeah. And I'll be taking a few of the research guards. So I'll be okay. You don't need to worry about me.

I just wanted to say goodbye, because we've shared so much time together. Well, Blavin, I'll say it first. I thought you might have some kind of ulterior motives. You might be evil or something, but now I know you're just really annoying. I'm gonna put my hand on his shoulder. Lavon, I will drink a margarita at four o'clock

every single day in your honor until we meet again. I will do the same. I think you would have where there are not, I said that. If you could start at four, that would be really good for you. Like, two, fifteen. I'm gonna take the edge off somehow, but it's after, it's after noon. So, Blavin returns the shoulder grab. A pinch is a little too hard.

How? What? Pinching really hard, you're drunk. Say the word brother. You're good, man, you're good, you're cool. And he stumbles off towards the ship's bay, where the other airships are. And after he departs, you see that Norwalk and Z also come up and mention that they are going on a mission as well. Seems that a lot is happening, the fact that you have brought all the crystals here kind

of is setting a lot of events in motion. They mention that they are going to the Orchish capital of Daggerast in the Harschwin glades to investigate a bunch of disappearances that have occurred there. Graphite is not sure if it's related to the gods or anything like that, but she thinks it's worth investigating. Well, what is disappearances of orcs? The harsh ones glades are mostly populated by orcs and half orcs, but Daggeros is a big enough city that there are people of all races there. Okay. Anyway, we'll see you later, all right.

You guys take care, all right? Yeah, you as well. And congratulations on whatever happened last night. You'll be getting a save the date soon. Just let us know if you want chicken or fish. Fine, I'll do a dance at your wedding. Oh, it's gonna be, I think mostly a small, like just pretty much family. So just the one dance, Lisa. No, I think, mostly a small, just pretty much family.

So just the one dance, Lisa. No, I'm not. All right. You know what, if it's just the one dance, I'm willing to do it. I'll go all out for just that one. We were actually thinking that maybe we would dance, as I was spending my life on the dance floor, but if you want to do a dance before that,

you could do that. I don't know if anyone's gonna be watching. You know, I guess we could push the father, the father, the father, dance, maybe. Yeah, why don't we talk about it during the mission, babe. You see, nor can see, you're like bickering a little bit already like an old married couple about the order of the dances that they're wedding. And they wave goodbye as well. And then it's just you and a few sparse members of the Golden Iris research team eating breakfast. And as you're finishing up your breakfast

graphite walks over, I hope you enjoyed your breakfast. Unfortunately I do not need to eat anymore but you couldn't just for fun. Well good try for fun. Oh okay good that's nice enough. Can I have some of fun. Oh, okay. Good. That's nice to know. Can I have some of that? Oh, what is that sauce called, Nyak? It's um, it's a- Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Never mind. He just ate the English muffin. She, uh, she like nibbles on a piece of bacon. I feel nothing but the tactile. It's not too bad to participate. Yes, the tactile nature of it is quite lovely. Okay. It's very chewy, that's fun.

Are you ready to begin the attunement? Yes, what are we attuning ourselves to? Can we choose or select? I have made the selections for you, but I think that you will be happy with my choices. Okay. I'm whether to follow me over to Zichamber. Okay. We follow her. Cool. So she leads you out of the pyramid and through a big opening in the back of the cathedral, you kind of walk down this hall. You see here that the golden veins actually pulse with all sorts of light. It's kind of this

kaleidoscope effect. And eventually you enter another large room, a big arena-sized room with a huge geodesic dome inside of it that seems to be made of the same nulphras material that covers the surfaces of the small moon. You see, Graffite stands next to the dome and waves you over. As you can see, I have placed the crystals inside in a pentagram shape. They will serve as purifying conduits that will remove the curses from all of your items. To an extent, but they will also help you bring out the potential within

yourselves and awaken new power. So I know you are all very curious about the weapons that you will use, the weapons that you will pour your new potential into. I've thought long and hard about what would be best and hear my decisions. Jins, the wrapped object that you have strapped to your back. It is the shard blade that rastered on vine heart once wielded, is it not? It is. Could you show it to me? Pull it out, hand it over. Careful that belonged to my uncle. I would treat it with a uncle's reverence. She unwraps it, kind of looks at it.

It has no effect on her because she is a revenant and like cannot be charmed by simple tricks like this. But you kind of hear the like, yes, a faint whisper kind of echoing from it. She kind of like runs her finger along the blade. Strange took gaze upon the sword, which once took away everything I ever loved. But alas, celavi. Jens, I have faith that you can give this sword a new life and a new purpose.

Since its owner has been defeated, its corrupting power is in remission. And with the healing power of Ziggeterak crystals, I believe we can fully cleanse this blade and infuse it with the true strength of a blade dancer. And she hands you the sword, which was formerly known as the Beckoning Void, but if I know Jenslandell, he'll want to give it a new name. Although Beckoning would probably still be there. I'll call it the Rebecca Nink Void. Oh, and as a nickname, I'll just, it'll just be Rebecca. Interesting choice. You always keep me on my toes, which I guess is where you spend most of your time as a dancer.

It definitely sounded evil because of Void, and you didn't lose that. Is Rebecca like a girlfriend or like a classmates? No, I knew a girl named Rebecca in school and she was just solid kind of Dave Girl style. Everyone liked her. A staple. Not everyone loved her, but everyone

generally just Rebecca could say something bad about her. What could you say truly? What could you say about Rebecca? Just a solid lady. And now a solid blade. A solid lady. I think it will live up to its strange but beautiful name. Thank you. Graffi, it moves on to you, Onyx. Oh, I also have a crystal of the same wicked sinister presence. Unfortunately, Onyx, you have been chosen by Verlis as his champion. So even the power of the Ginnariac crystal cannot fully undo this covenant. There's nothing stronger than a promise

in this world. But my sweet chickadee, that does not mean you are a helpless little duckling. Would you mind handing me your speaking stone for a moment? Okay, I mean, it's best word protected, but okay. Okay, swipe to the left. That's why. Give me a luck roll to see if the topless photo is what comes up when you unlock your phone. Did you delete the photo from your photo roll? Of course not.

You know Q's gonna ask where it again. Okay, right, just like I don't add anything. Seven. Lucky number seven. You see your mom? When we say with a seven, it's the one that I made with emojis over the nipples. Yeah, okay. That's fair.

Your mom unlocks your phone. At least she knows her daughter knows about it. You give your mom your phone and tell her the password. She opens it and oh, Satisa. It's just my body very tasteful. Okay, thank you. Yes, lovely. She like tries to hide it, but like her fingers don't have a conductive charge so she can't use your phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, okay, just oh no, this one does not have the emojis covering it. Okay, yeah, well, you know, there's that first draft. Could you just close the app perhaps? Yeah, I love doing that. I love the app. She's usually quite tech savvy. So, oh my gosh. She takes your speaking stone, now it's back on the homepage, and from her robe pulls

out a long iridescent moonicorn horn. She extends her palms over the two objects, and thin golden vines reach out from the tips of her fingers. Are you going to correct Obsidian's voice? Maa! No, you and the professional vocal coach was out. You see these golden strands extend out and bind the horn to the top of the speaking stone. Onyx, your speaking stone now has a

moonicorn antenna attached to it and you have so many bars. Oh, thank you. In the water, I was having a really hard time getting service. This is amazing. You can get service anywhere, Big Moon, Small Moon, Perifera, anywhere. Perifera? Even Zipa-Rifera. Even with a bad network? Yes. Why follow the whispers of a single patron? When you yourself have an army of patrons who follow your whispers without hesitation. And now Onyx, in addition to being a Hexblade Warlock, you are also a social sorcerer.

Oh! Did you take a level of sorcerer? No, this is a homebrew thing. Yeah, it's a homebrew thing. We're dipping into a great old one. Yeah, okay, very cool. You channel power from the souls of your adoring yet fickle public. Use it to create the most powerful magic of all.

Content. Oh my god. Be careful. This magic can backfire. It is extremely potent. Yes, I'm on it. I have the same thing. I utilize the same powers.

Really? My fans fuel me. Oh, that's what fuels you. My fans mean everything to me. Oh, that's what fuels you. My fans mean everything to me. Sure, it's your fans that fuel you and not you the idea of their approval that fuels you. I need to go to the bathroom. I believe it's that way. It's right over there. He has 135 fans. And I got him 129 of them. I'm noticing Zilas Postram is account is sick of all these fake fans He does a lot of stuff about haters in the bathroom. I do a video about the haters. I Like it from my six other account

You're the other six. I got him 129 You're the other six. I got him a hundred and twenty nine. Be the following. The other six. I run back. I got six likes on that one instantly. No way, brother. I should have wanted to see acoustics in that bathroom.

I'm terrible. So haters, haters, haters. Oh, graphic turns to you, Nyak. And last but not least, my little jammy dodger, Nyak. Oh, for you, I have a question. Why do you think it is that jam and other slippery liquids always seem to be attracted to you? I assume I'm cursed, ma'am.

You are cursed, but also blessed, my dear. For you see, Nayak, you are a magnet for the aimless and random cruelty of the universe. By simply being yourself, you draw misfortune away from others, and into your own being. I attempt to throw away just like a piece of paper and it just hits Naya. Oh, sorry, I didn't even mean to do that. But as a perfect example, you are just a catalyst for random mayhem. However, mayhem of this nature can also be channeled into a greater power. All you need is the right vessel.

And she holds up a beautiful crystalline jar that is full of a red and purple jam that looks like a miniaturized nebula. I shudder. Stand back, Mack. Careful, brother. She unscrews the jar and kind of beckons for you to eat the jam. Down the hatch. I look at my brother.

Yeah, it's just jam, bro. I know, I know. Mack's well as the jam. Yeah, it's just jam bro Night x-well as the jam Go ahead and give me a constitution check He's real Oh no 11 That's perfect. Honestly the best result possible you are torn between two realities. You are torn between slipping on jam and controlling the jam. Your body feels like it's on fire. As if your blood

had been replaced by an especially spicy pepper jelly. You told me to eat it brother. Don't worry, stay strong. See this through, fight it. The room starts to spin and you begin sweating profusely. And then right when you think you're definitely gonna slip and fall right on your tailbone, the fever breaks. Oh, and you feel at peace. A sense of cosmic equilibrium.

The equilibrium only in 11 could get you. Wash is over you. And for the first time in your life, your stomach isn't upset. Niaq, you are now a champion ranger. In addition to your standard ranger abilities, you can spend jam points to cast spells and increase your movement. Oh! Oh, gel, yes.

Okay, now you all have your items? I believe unless Saras anything pressing, it is time for you to enter the chamber. Okay, let us go. Now, let me explain. Once inside the chamber, the crystal pentagram will scan your souls and manifest a creature that you must defeat in order to attune yourself to your new weapon or item. Are you already? I'm ready.

Are we all going to be by ourselves not that I care? You will be together. Cool whatever. Fine. I cared deeply. Would you like a private at Hunman Chamber? No it's fine. Just a private regular chamber would be good though. Did you not like this suite? The suite was great. Was it too dark? We loved this sweet. You want more night lights? No, I don't. Those were my testicles. On next, your friends are disgusting, but I love them. That is how I feel as well. Although I've done some disgusting stuff in front of them. So you three head into this chamber. You see it kind of like shimmers

with the same iridescent light as a lot of the crystals that you encounter on the small moon. And it seems to be containing the magic of the Ginnara crystals. Once you're inside, you can see the pentagram that Graft-Eat described. You see each of the Ginnara crystals is positioned in a corner of the room,

and they all intersect to form this golden pentagram on the floor. And the minute you enter the circumference of the pentagram, the crystals begin to glow, and you notice that your new items, as well as Nyaxe Belly are glowing too. And then they appear. as well as Nyax Belly are glowing too. And then, they appear. Onyx, the horn on your speaking stone glows and fires a beam of light onto the floor,

opening a small portal. A moment later, you see an armored crystalline entity clawing its way into the room. Huge stag like horns jut from its forehead, and in place of eyes, you see a huge jagged smile. It seems Verlyce has sent one of his shard minions to try and get you to delete your account once and for all. The most I would ever do is go to private. Ha ha ha ha. We shall see. Ha ha ha ha.

Nyaak, you feel a strange rumbling in your stomach. But even stranger, you don't feel nauseous at all. Suddenly, jelly pours out of your mouth, nose, and eyes. Oh! Oh! Killing rubber. I go to stab him. Remind cone! Since his pulse is a process, you see all of the jelly cascades into a huge oozing puddle,

which then slowly rises into and dripping humanoid form. Niantk before you can truly become a champion, you must defeat this jelly elemental in jam to jam combat. The Jellimental. Jens, from your sword a pastel ghost leaps forth and brandishes its fencing saber at you. Its face is indistinct, but its dancing pose is indistinguishable. Rast's blade has summoned his memory of your father, Lazlich Lindell, for one last duel. Nia, I can throw the glove.

Oh, uh, uh, uh, I throw a glove. Ah, ah, ah. What, ho, what, ho! A duel we shall have, ha-ha! Yes, ha-ha! Ha-ha, papa! Ah, ah, ah, my boy! Ha-ha, yes, finally I will defeat you.

Ha-ha, ah, ah, we shall see! Oh you. Ha ha, we shall see. Oh, supporting indeed. Indeed we will see. Ha ha, you say, Ha ha, true high elven duel. Ha ha, I don't think he's laughing, Onyx. As soon as you talk to him, the features of the face kind of form in on this ghost,

you see his little pencil mustache and his like proud widow's peak and his beautiful Elven ears and earrings and his fantastic doublet come into full vision and he swishes his sword back and forth. Then let us begin the grand dance. Everybody roll initiative. Let's go.

Matt 20. Oh! Hell yeah. All right. Let's go Matt 20 oh Hell yeah, all right 12 20 8 roll for these folks Hell yeah, all right Jins you were up first Father it is an honor to duel you haha indeed ha ha A pleasure indeed to meet you once more, my boy, upon the field of combat. Ha, show me the flourishes. Have you been practicing your flourishes?

Every day, father. Ha ha ha. And I dance forward as much as I would love to score a point on you, father. I am disgusted by this elemental. And I stab into the elemental. Brother, you honor me. Aiding your friend your friend truly a sword dancer at heart we're more than friends no that is what we are father who is this boy I you know what mother died a widow that is only a 12 to hit the elemental. That misses unfortunately. Sweet, I'll take a second attack. That is a 21 hit. 21 hit.

Sweet, I'm going to do a defensive flourish. Nice. So I will do 17 damage, and then I go up to 21 AC until the next round, and then I'm going to do a bonus action offhand attack. Great. That is a 26 to hit. 26 does hit in fact. That is 11 damage to the jelemental.

You discussed me. Ha ha. Come on man. I'm just doing my dang job. Come on. Come on man. I'm sorry. I side with the jelemental. Kill the je Come on. Come on, it's a man. It's like... I side with the gentleman tall.

Killed the gentleman tall, everyone. It came from inside me, brother. It was disgusting. How long have you lived in my body? I hated it in there. I'm stuck with nuts. I like it. He's got a little bit of jive. How much damage on the second attack?

11. 11. That is my turn. Awesome. I'm gonna steal that sword. I the swallowing hole. I like to swallow things I don't like to be inside other people. I like to do the swallowing around here You are made of jelly, sir And you earn a combination Don't you like how I move how I sway I hate it. Don't like my wiggling in my jiggling everyone killed the jelly Okay, that brings us to Onyx. Okay, I will activate my hexblade curse on this

Crystal. Oh on the shard minion. Yeah on the shard minion and I will attack Bring it on Does it 13 hit? Does it 13 hit? Hmm. Does not. Okay, I'll use my second attack with even more vigor. Oh, you need to attack, huh? Just like 15 hit.

Just hits. Oh, yes. Okay. 20. 20 damage. 20 damage. Nice. You see some crystal shards chip off.

What the heck, lady? I'm just doing my job. We're all just doing our job Are you your job is bad? Yeah, of course I'm a bad guy You need to question what the people above you are sir. Verlis. I love chaos Well, I'm Verlis's champion. Oh shit really. Yeah, can you like put in a good word for me? What's your name? I'm here as a me if you have anything I can read it I'm a zero as a meh. If you have anything I can read it. I'm Gorlow. Gorlow, are you working on anything I can sort of take a look at?

Yeah, I've got some like cool new strategies for driving people insane and causing them to inflict torment upon themselves. Yeah, okay, I can look over that. Yeah, it's like a bunch of vlog-based maneuvers. Okay, actually I don't like that. I don't think I can put it in a glove., it's like a bunch of vlog-based maneuvers. Okay, actually, I don't like that. I don't think I can put it in a vlog video. It doesn't sound very original at all.

I can't imagine. I can't imagine vlogging hasn't been used already. Well, I tried the vlog dog, which is a dog that vlogs you. They couldn't really get in a fix. I like the vlog dog. That's actually a good idea. That's a million dollar idea. Yeah, if we can workshop, if we could be so as some choice,

or we like the Flug Dog. We like, okay, Flug Dog. I'll take that back to Verilis. That's good stuff. Maybe you know what, I gotta stop second guessing myself and also kill you. Is that your turn? Yeah.

Okay, cool. It's gonna write down Gorlo on my sheet. That brings us to the Ghost of Lazlick. This pastel spirit. The Ghost of Lazlick is very proud of you for helping your friend, but they must insist. Ha ha, my son, I must insist we duel. It has been so long since you joined me in the courtyard.

Ha, taking the open shot. Of course you would. An expert swordsman. Ha, ha, ha. I use all the stratagem available to me in every finger of my dueling glove. You see, Las Lake, Don's golden dueling glove with like gyms embedded in every knuckle.

My God, Niaq, get that under any circumstances. It might just be a Mirage. I guess if anyone's sticky enough to get a Mirage. Does a 26 hit, I believe that does, yes. Okay, they are going to do two attacks real quick. He hits you for seven damage on the first attack. Okay. Let me take another one.

That whiffs. You dodge out of the way at the last second. Ho ho! Ha ha! You've done it, my son. You've tucked yourself into a little dinner roll and avoided my slash. I've done did it, Papa.

You've done did it, my sweet boy. I will kiss you. My sweet dad, kiss me on the cheek. I don't know if I can attack the jam. I want to kill the ghost of your dad. I guess I like the gelamento. Next in the order is Gorlo. Okay, Gorlo.

Gorlo really wants to impress you so that you will take their plan for a vlog dogs back down to the periphera. Okay, well it's going to be a little bit harder because I'm going to use my new skill and traffic ward and impose disadvantage on their attack. Hell yeah. All right, I will roll with disadvantage on this attack. I got a three and shout out to the two crew. Yes, that means since they missed now I get advantage on my next attack.

Oh wait, you get advantage, shit, that's incredible. All right, let me roll, they actually get three attacks. They're gonna be swiping at you all night. Does it 22 hit, that's gonna hit. Yeah. Great. They do seven damage to you on that hit. And they're going to take one last attack. Oh, no, yeah, that definitely misses.

So that misses. Do you want like my business card or something? Yeah, why don't you, yeah, pass that along. Okay, it's made of crystal, I hope that's all right. Okay, that's cumbersome for you, but I mean for me, I can carry one crystal business card. You see that Gorilla just pulls out one of their fingers and then scrolls the word Gorlow on their finger

and hands it to you. That doesn't work. It's like I'm poking you on Facebook. Again, another business strategy, not to use. Extremely old reference, I'm learning so much. That is gonna be Nyaak. I am going to cast a very long glance at Lazlick and cast Hunter's Mark.

Nyaak, what are you doing? Oh, on the jelly. It is your battle, brother. Your eyes, they look so familiar. I've seen the same light in, in lexana, impossible father. It couldn't be. Impossible.

Who is this stranger, my boy? A stranger, a friend to stranger. Friends to perfect strangers, just like we do in our apartment. They sort of the balke Keeping it classic with your viewing I love it. Oh, we are a nicked-knight family. Yes. That's how else love perfect strangers Oh look at these family matters I'm gonna cast hunters mark on the jelly and I'm gonna fire my bow at it. That is a 10.

Yeah, he's. That's gonna miss. These dice are bad. 19 to hit. 19 does hit. And that will be seven damage. Seven beautiful points of damage. Oh wait, it was 13.

13 points of damage. Yeah wait, it was 13. 13 points of damage. Yeah, sevens and ones look a lot alike. 13 points of damage, and then another six from Hunter's Mark. Oh, and extra six. Yes, sir. Nice roll. You just fire an arrow right into this elemental's body.

Oh, yeah, man. What is that? What is that tip to where there's that some sort of steel perhaps arm? Sort of like a butter knife design. Spread you across the floor Gamer more than beautiful taste of arrows. I Was you didn't like it? And that is going to be the Gelementals turn I think they are going to try and use I think they are going to try and use WELM. Each creature in the elemental space must make a DC-15

strength saving throw. On failure target takes 2D8 plus 4 bludging damage. Buh, buh, buh, buh. It is also grappled until the scrap of lens, the target is restrained and unable to breathe, unless it can breathe jam. If the saving throw successful, the target is pushed out of the elemental space.

So, Niac, I think I'm going to be focusing on you for this one. All right. So, I need you to make a DC-15 strength save. That is only a 10, but you know what? I'm going to use a jam point. And try my jambler's luck. Oh yeah, where I reroll a deck save. And that's a 17. Nice! Hell yes! J.M. point for the win! I think the Jelemental grabs you and like makes to put you in its gullet, but you just cover

yourself in a thin coat of slime and I'm slippery now. And I can use it to my advantage. How are you more slippery than me? I'm king slippery, that's what my friends call me. You should have never left my stomach. I have friends, I promise. Okay, awesome.

So that's the JellimentO-Mintzels turn. Oh, since you used a jam point, I'm gonna need you to make a roll. Okay. To see if you trigger a wild jam effect. I got a six. Six. You're okay. Oh. You need to just roll above a one.

If you use another jam point, it moves up to two. How many jam points do I have? You have half of your level plus your dexterity modifier, I think, got it. Cool. Level nine have so four plus five, nine. Nine, nine jam points. Cool, go nuts, go wild.

So you narrowly avoid the Gelementals grasp. It licks its big jelly lips. Next time I'm gonna put you inside me in a non-sexual way That brings us back to Jens the way you said that made it seem sexual and then I am going to run up and try to hit the jam Or as everybody slam in the gym 24 24 to slam the jam The jam is successfully slam sweet. I'm gonna use Rebecca's How's everybody? Slurram in the gym. 24 to slam the gym. The gym is successfully slammed. Sweet.

I'm gonna use Rebecca's skill, divine flourish. Ooh. And I'm going to expend a fourth level. Holy shit. Spell slots to do an extra five d8 of damage. Baby. 35 damage. Baby. 35 damage. Woo!

Woo! Wow, I keep looking, I'm doing it. I've really intricate dance, but I keep looking over my shoulder to see if my dad is watching. Ha! Son, why do you ignore me? I wish to frolic on the battlefield with you,

and you alone. Yes, I know, but I've gotten used to this thing. It's called two-on-one tools, father. Have you heard of them? Ah-ha! The cowards courage, my boy. Well done! Cools. We call them tools. I'll take my second attack.

Did you want to use your infinite cheeks of destiny ability on that mic? Ooh. Yes. why not? Yes, I'll use the infinite cheeks of destiny ability. I will roll on that. That's a nat 20. Ooh, you got a nat 20? Yeah.

Woo! So I automatically cast a spell of your choice at any level without using a spell slot. So it's gotta be something I have, presumably. Yes, okay. Let me see. I am going to cast. I can't believe you got a nat 20 on your first infinite cheeks roll hell yeah I am going to cast

Polymorph on The Crystal dude that on Existing on Gorillow. Yeah, okay hell yeah incredible. What Gorlow? Yeah, Gorlow. Hell yeah, incredible. What does this mean for a fat attack him? Does it mean that I shouldn't? Spell transforms a creature that you can see within range into a new form, an unwilling creature must make a wisdom

saving third avoid the effect. The spell has no effect on a shape changer of creature with zero hit points. Transformation lasts for the duration or until the target drops to zero hit points or die. So you don't want to attack it. New form can be any beast with a challenge rating equal to less than the target's level.

So I just want to turn it into another extremely annoying moon of corn. So now normally this creature has magic resistance, but this is so goddamn fun that I'm just gonna roll a regular die. Wisdom save? Okay, there's it's plus two. Shout out to the three creaks.

That's a five. Holy shit. You spin around and do a perfect dance that just shows every phase of the moon with your ass and your dad weeps. And I'm gonna say your dad gets disadvantaged on his next attack because he is so enamored with your ability.

Hell yeah. Yeah, the shard minion, Gorlo, transforms into a moonicorn. Jens, that's very cool, but I have to warn you, I buffed all my stuff against him so I might still attack him I have advantage on my next attack specifically against him. We can just really quick kill the elemental a three on one duel if you will Through a through okay, I'm coming in without anything I put up a hex blade curse on him. I throw my glove at Onyx.

Okay, okay, I won't attack the moonicorn. Okay. How does the moonicorn sound? Maaah. Shit. Don't want. I thought it was like a- Just confusing.

Be she's thing, but now it's just that obsidian socks. You see that the moonicorn, which is a full size moonicorn by the way, is a B. She's saying, but now it's just that obsidian socks. Ah! You see that the moonicorn, which is a full-size moonicorn, by the way. Obsidian is a toy moonicorn. You see it goes over and starts like nuzzling with obsidian. Mo! Ah! Mo!

Ah! Mo! Ah, and they're in love. Ah! Ah! So, what kind of annel you want this to actually be? I want it to be a real shitty mooticorn, like riding horse stats. Riding horse stats, alright?

Let me look up some riding horse stats. Pretty solid actually, pretty solid stats. This was a good idea. Fuck. Cool. And you want to take another attack too? Yes. Alrighty.

Uh, that is a 21 to hit. That hits 13 damage. Ooh, this elemental is not looking great. You see it's kind of clenching its stomach, being like, oh, what did I eat? You're not long be preserved. I gotta stop having blades but but breakfast and that brings us to Onyx. Okay, Jens, you want a thrill? A thrill? I'll give you a thrill. Yes. Without the aid of my

advantage on my attack or adding my proficiency bonus. He's justmensal He's more than jam brother. He came from in me. Oh, this is a cruel throw a little does a 27 it a 27 That it's absolutely are you kidding me? Oh, it's too bad you didn't have advantage on it I'm so sorry Okay, he then for nine and then I go to attack again. I'll cast staggering smite. Oh Okay, hit him for nine, and then I go to attack again. I'll cast Staggering Smite. Oh, okay. And... Spread the jam. That's a 23 hit.

23, absolutely hits. Once again, I don't feel bad for you, Anis. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Okay, 15. Oh, also four D6 psychic damage. 15 damage right up top. Yeah. Onyx, don't even 15 damage right up top. Yeah. Onyx, don't even worry about rolling those dice.

Okay. Finish the jam. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Um, I think I shove it back inside Nia. No, no, no. Please, it's so nasty in there. Ha ha ha.

At least I can fleece upon believers for the rest of my life. Is this why you're never hungry? You're just full of this strange gem? I deserve death for living. I'm a monster. It's a pleasure to serve with you. Now I am. I'm your conscience. Is that the first spell you've cast by the way? Yeah. Awesome. So you whack into this thing with a pastel smite. OK. I'm going to need you to make a social sorcerer roll.

OK. 14. 14. I think that's nothing happens, right? Yeah. Solid post? Nothing happens. Great.

Awesome. You just do good content. Yeah, you just create some good-ass content What do you call this post of this jam being destroyed and sit back into the body of NIAC? Hashtag Thrull mood It's blowing up I check through summer Hashtag Thrull Intentions

summer. I checked through all intentions. You see lots of videos pop up of teens and malls beating up security guards and you're talking through. Yes, through. You make me stronger. You make me stronger. Niac, once the elemental is defeated, you see your little jam jar starts to glow and refills with jam.

I put it in my glove bag. You. Without the cap on it. Why? Terrible. Okay, jelemental is done. So what happens when you cast like a smite and you kill the person before you use it? Does it get transferred to the next time you hit?

No, it just, you just used it, yeah. Okay. It just did more damage than you ever do. Cool, cool. Okay, gotcha. Cool, so that brings us to the ghost of Laslik. So overwhelmed with their beautiful boy and his pristine flawless ass. That's the infinite cheeks of destiny.

My boy, you've done it! Tally Ho! Pa-ha! I would kiss you. I will kill your dad for you. Ha-ha-ha. Come, show me your power. I must see it.

I must see what has become of my beautiful boy. Father, I would never dishonor you by not fighting you three on one You would be a fool not to through Okay, um does a 16 it you it does all right just enough Cool, they're just going to use their short sword That is seven damage on the first hit. We'll key.

I'm gonna roll with this advantage one more time and then the effect will lift because they are getting heated and focusing on this duel now, this through. 16 does hit, okay, great. One more attack. That is 12 more damage. How? And that is Laslix turn.

That brings us to the right corner. The right corner. The right corner. Ma. Ha ha ha. God, Obsidian, go, make friends. Oh wait, I need a real concentration checks to keep, to keep, yeah, polymorph.

Oh, good call. Ooh, definitely failed. Oh no. It's no six. Yeah. Oh Goodness what the heck was that? You are scared and you're hiding in the body of a riding horse Turning people into horses and then letting them get ridden by people that could be a fun chaotic torture. Okay It's a good brainstorming, sis. I'm gonna see if I can ring some more ideas out of you.

You see that Gorlow gallops over to you, still on all fours. You're not a horse anymore, weirdo. I kinda like it. They're gonna try and hurl flame at you. Does the 16 hit? No. Oh, they chuck a flame.

It bounces off the side of this dome that you're in and kind of goes Bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, and then just kind of fizzles out They're gonna try and throw one more flame at you That is a natural one. Yeah, they They just look at the flame and then they just eat it Sweet cool. It's a big whiffs from the shard minion. No, I think that's your turn. Okay. I've consumed jam And it's made my stomach a little upset. I'm feeling gassy. I'm going to let out a Toot and cast wind wall wind wall. What does that do with the fart from my butt?

Incredible a wall of strong wind rises from the ground or my butt. At a point you choose within range, you can make the wall up to 50 feet long, 15 feet high and one foot thick. You can shape the wall in any way you choose so long as it makes one continuous path along the ground. The strong wind keeps smoking. I don't know if I need to do this. I can't do it. I got the eyes, I know in one. I don't know if I need to do this.

I got the eyes I know in one. I don't think you should. I'm not gonna take damage. I didn't read it far enough ahead. Which is weird. Uh-huh. Would you like to do something else? Yeah, I'm gonna do something else.

You still too, though. Great. So I too, and I am going to shoot my arrow at the guy that's obsessed with torture. Oh! Dang, don't do that. That's a 27 to hit. Come on, man. 27 does hit.

You like vlogging too much. Through intentions. Keep the through going. That is eight damage with my first attack. Okay. And I will attack again. Oh, Niac doesn't crit on 19, does he? Mm-mm.

27 hit. That does hit, goodness. 13 damage. You see some crystal shards chip off, and the demon says, what if I made him listen to Flogging Molly while I flogged him, huh? It's not torture torture that song's awesome

Okay, now I can set your turn that is my turn great. We're background agents sweet I'm gonna keep the thrill going and I'm gonna go after Gorlow That is a 24 to hit 24 does hit Gorlow Can I how often can I do divine flourish? Just once per long rest or... I think you can use your divine flourish once per short rest. That makes sense, it's very good.

Okay, I will just do a defensive flourish, then. Nice. So that will be a big 10 damage. Alrighty. My AC only goes up by two, but I'm gonna take another attack. Ooh, that's a 28 to hit. The hits.

That's another... Oh, good hitting. Seven damage. Great. Offhand attack. That is a 18 to hit. 18. What?

Does hit. And that is another six damage. How's Gorlo looking? Gorlo is looking a little messed up. One of their big crystal horns falls off, and they're like, I don't know, I could put this up, someone's butt, how's that? You're running out of ideas, Gorlo.

Sometimes you need to take a break to refresh. No, you gotta burn the candle at both ends. Hey, no, that's an idea. Put someone in a candle and burn them. Not everything's gonna happen. Okay, actually like that one, yeah, you're right. You push through, do another good idea. Yeah, just shove some wax up there, but.

Okay, you lost it. That just sounds awesome. Yeah, it would be kind of cleansing, right? Clear right out. A mold of your ass. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Onyx, that's you. Okay, I'm going after this, Clear right out a mold of your ass Onyx that's you okay. I'm going after this the thrill keeps going Does a 23 hit yes

That's going to be 18 18 damage and I will Go again, please do does it 26 it 26 does hit all in one well 19 Wow Oh This shard minion is looking fucked up you see the ghost of lasak is like haha such tactics such skill such bullying the through all father the through all I Found in school father that if I found other kids to make fun of even smaller kids that I would prevail. A school thrull.

Ah, turning the crowd towards your favorite. Excellent work, my sword dancing baby. That brings us to the ghost of Laslik. I think they are going to keep focusing on you, Jens. You heart, Jens. I'm not great. I don't actually think I have anything to deal. That's okay.

More of a general. Just make sure I don't die. Where everyone at, tell me. Am I okay emotionally? No. It's not a good to drive you. Yes, I haven't been able to afford therapy. I have a lot of people living in my house.

My car has been in the shop for a suspiciously long time. The car that I gave you, he knows, see? What is the car that you gave me? You know what? I think it was just a, uh, Niax my half brother. It was a Nissan Versa. A Nissan Versa Toll is... A Porsche! A Porsche! Ha ha! My son is climbing the ranks in the world! Bravo my boy! Bravo! Indeed, I bought it with my own hard earned money.

Ha ha ha! Sometimes he walks through the car wash on foot. Ha ha ha! He walks through every drive-thru on foot and tells them about his Porsche that's in the shop. They need to know, because technically you're not supposed to walk through, but they say it's okay if your car is in the shop. It goes to the movie, you know, the driving movies, and with just a radio and watches.

But where's a sign that says, I have a Porsche. Indeed, a dancer must flaunt their moves, but not their wealth. Bravo, my son. Thank you father All right, they're going to attack you 11's not gonna hit you nope. Oh, but a 19 might have a 19 does okay. I think they're going to use a flourish as well Fuck hmm, so I'm kind of new to this but I roll a d8 And I think they're going to do a slashing flourish. It's 20 damage.

Ow. My boy, what is ever the matter? You've heard me greatly. Emotionally, you've been supporting me, but all of the stabbings. I don't appreciate them. You must use the Thrull. My son, the Thrull will protect you

after we kill this rock guy, I'm going to kill you, Dad. That brings us once again to Gorlo. It was no longer a horse, but it's still winning. I'm gonna make you listen to my ideas. You're gonna introduce me to Verlis. That's finally a good idea for torture. Yeah. Making us listen to my ideas. You're gonna introduce me to Verlyse. That's finally a good idea for torture. Yeah, making us listen to your. Honestly, I'd much rather listen to your beautiful moonicorn voice. Can you ballie more from back?

All right, they are going to try and throw some more fireballs at you, Onyx 22 to hit. That hits. All right. Ooh boy. It's going to be 11 damage. Okay. 22 to hit. That hits. Alright, ooh boy. It's going to be 11 damage. Okay. Onyx, as this pastel crystal flame covers you, give me a dexterity throw to see if it catches your mantel of the moth on fire. 20 nod net. Okay, yep.

You are able to stop drop and roll very quickly and avoid further flame damage. Okay now hellish Rebuke oh flame against flame flame meets flame. Okay, he does a dexterity saving throw. Okay 34 damage 34 damage. Yeah Well, they failed their dex save throw as well. They take max damage, Onyx finish this minion. Okay, I think I kind of like mount him and say, I'm gonna make you sing like a Monocorn. And then I just get him into a headlock and just keep squeezing until he makes that beautiful That's beautiful. That's beautiful. And I snap his neck. Oh, God.

You snap this horse demon's neck and it just explodes into a cloud of shards and you see your municorn horn on your speaking stone glows and you have fully unlocked your social sorcerer abilities. And I get, because I have my hexblade curse, I get hit points, I get my warlock level nine plus my charisma. Now is Hellish Rebuke an invocation? It's a spell. Cool. Why don't you go ahead and roll a post check. 16. 16. Once again, that's a solid post., why don't you go ahead and roll a post check. 16. 16. Once again, that's a solid post, you're in the clear.

Okay, am I getting more and more followers in my accumulating? You're just auto accumulating followers at this point. By becoming a social sorcerer, you are a true trinfluencer. Oh, and you don't need to worry about your follower count anymore. It's good.

Wow. Okay, that brings us to Niaq. Okay, I am going to throw an arrow on the ground, run up skateboard on the arrow across what terrain. It's silly breaks. And then just touch my brother and give any cure wounds. Oh, okay. Oh, thank you. Oh, that's so nice. And did you guys see the skateboard move that I did? I posted it for sure. Awesome.

Absolutely. I think we'll retroactively say that's what my post was that I did. You can just tag me as Jen's Lindell official. It's too late. I actually have a second account that's Nyak official and it is so popular. What? That's impossible. Oh, this is confusing. Tears well up in my eyes. Onyx, may I post a skit?

Let's just get to a real stable follower count and then I'll let you have a again we don't do skits we do routines you want to do a comedy routine all of jen's comedy routines are just like wearing weird masks so I'm doing interpretive dances do you know what the content will be because I get to run it by some sponsors we'll talk we can talk later not it puts a 200 page script back in

his back how much did he care Woods before? I guess, how does it work? I cast a third level. Oh shit, so 3D8 plus your wisdom modifier. 20. Nice, thank you. Well done. Anything for my brother.

Your brother, what? Does he mean this in the slang vernacular? Ha ha. After Nack heals me, What? Um, does he mean this in the slang vernacular? Ha ha! After Nayak heals me, Jen suddenly feels guilty. Yes, father, I'm sorry to say that mother remarried, but the good news is that her son, her new son, is fine. He's pretty cool sometimes.

He's very supportive and incredibly annoying, but very, very, very supportive. Some would say to a fault. Ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah be willing to include him in your through, then he truly must be cool. Kill me. Also, it's fine that your mom remarried. We had an open relationship.

We didn't tell you. What? Wow, that's nice. I got to talk Keith into that. In case I meet Dave Grohl. Did you guys fuck Grohl? Jins, that's your turn. Sweet. As I find out about my parents, open relationship. I stab at him. Cool. They're going to use their pariability

to add three to their AC. I get a 27 to hit. Oh, okay. Well, that didn't do shit. Pari that, dad. You're blows, they're too fast. That is nine regular damage and then why not? I'll do a defensive flourish.

Another six, so so 15 15 total yeah Then second attack. Oh man. I'm rolling good today. That's 26 to hit that hits That's another 11 11 damage great. Yeah, and then I'll do off hands That's a that fucking 20 So fun what an insane day for Jens. Beautiful. Jens have a good day. Yeah, although I've rolled really bad in the damage,

but you know what, you can't have everything. Eight damage. Eight more damage, okay. Yeah, you see this rebeckening void, the pastel energy is totally left it, and it's just glowing with, what color energy would replace the pastel energy is like totally left it and it's just like glowing with what color energy would replace the pastel energy. I would say a royal purple. It is absolutely gleaming with a proud royal purple. The color of our house. Yes, I have to ask you something father. Yes.

You and mom and your open relationship. Did you ever hook up with Rebecca's parents because they were a solid family? We inquired many times They were kind of out of our league many times To really better at it. Discuss this again father indeed you and mom were so thirsty If we ever meet a Rebecca I think you owe her family and apology Many times that's just We were cool about it. Don't worry

They had your number blocked guaranteed I noticed we had them over for dinner a lot of times, but the night would always end at like eight I noticed we had them over for dinner a lot of times, but the night would always end at like eight Yes, your mom did not have a headache that was a lie Onex that's your turn. I'm going to also attack your father. Cool Does a 16 it uh 16 does not hit I try again This is kind of! Hell yeah. What the fuck? This is kind of insane, yeah. I want a crit on your dad.

Crude on my dog. Crude on my dog. 19. 19? Yep. This ghost is looking hurt. As hurt as a ghost can look. Yeah, that's the end of my turn.

Nia, take us home. That is Lasleks turn. Never mind. Hit me. Hit me. Hit him, Dad. I beg you. Hit him. Hit Nayak. Hit Nayak. To prove that I see you as my half-son, I shall honor you with a flourish. Oh, thank you. It's not your dad. Don't get jealous because your dad is attacking someone else. It's fine, it doesn't mean he loves him or anything. We're gonna do another slashing flourish. Ooh, 11's not gonna hit you.

Does an 18 hit you? Yes. All right, great. They hit you for 16 damage? Okay, and you shouldn't have listened to me, and I guess everyone else, I'm gonna spend two jam points and cast Jellish Rebuke as a reaction.

Nice. Hell yeah, how much damage do you have? How much damage do you have? How much damage do you have? How much damage do you have? How much damage do you have? How much damage do you have? How much damage do you have?

How much damage do you have? How much damage do you have? How much damage do you have? How much damage do you have? How much damage do you have? How much damage do you have? How much damage do you have? How much damage do you have?

How much damage do you have? How much damage do you have? How much damage do you have? How much damage do you have? How much damage do you have? How much damage do you have? How much damage do you have? How much damage do you have? How much damage do you have? How much damage do you have? eight, four, four, take that. A variant effort, my boy. He weatheres the storm of your rebuke. Go ahead and give me a wild jam roll.

Five. Five, okay. The dial is set at three now, but there is no effect. Cool, view. That brings us to, oh, that's, I said it three now, but there is no effect. Cool. A few. That brings us two. Oh, that's, no, that's your turn now. All right, now after that four damage,

that whopping four damage, I'm gonna fire my bow and arrow at my brother's death. That is such a strange dueling saber you have there. 23 to hit. That hits is a great honor to be struck by my father. I remember the first time he stabbed me. It was at a birthday party. My six birthday, I ran in super excited

while he was doing a dance. Meanwhile, that night he was trying to stab Rebecca's parents with another kind of sword brother. Your half brother speaks the truth. He eats, ate, damn it. He uses your son's birthday party as a chance to try. I kind of saw it brother. Your half brother speaks the truth. The eight damage. You used your son's birthday party as a chance to try. It was all a ruse. One more time with Rebecca's parents.

23 to hit the second time. Now what I think about it, Rebecca was the only one at my party. And there was a kid's only room. That's common. 13 damage. And it wasn't anywhere near your birthday. Nyak, finish Jin's death.

I take a key off of my key ring. And I say remember the key parties you tried to throw. They will be the death of you. And I fire a keeper my bow and arrow. You are so serrated. You fire a key and it strikes directly at the chest and unlocks the heart of Lazlick Lindell. And he speaks truthfully and says, says,

Jens, I'm proud of you and your friends and who you've become. Please tell me when Rebecca's parents die. He's like, he's like, Jens cries so hard that instantly just snot rockets out of his nose, just an instant. He's like,

I definitely post that to Tristan. No, I have a satchel full of hankerships that I take up with, so many bags. I'll be wearing of it. Yeah, you see after he says his parting words, the ghost kind of fades away, and your sword glows with this resplendent, royal purple energy. All traces of verilis have been removed from it. All of you have passed the ritual of attunement

and you have these new abilities and weapons. Yeah! Congratulations! Ooh, it feels good! So you see, Graphete, and a few probably researchers in attendance were kind of watching this spectacle go down, probably, you know, placing some bets. Beebees were passing back and forth. She rushes in, congratulates you three, hugs you, Onyx.

Hugs all of you, actually, I would say. Oh, this is just beautiful. Ah, tribon, tribon, amazing work, all of you. Ah, you have done such amazing things, and you have so many more amazing things to do. Now please, she gathers up the crystals from the pentagram, keeps these safe, so that you may destroy them, and fulfill your purpose. Let's have some wine, yes? Let us get some chicken wine in here to celebrate. Yes, let us get some chicken wine.

Let us have, you know what? Bubbly, let's get some chicken lambrusco. Okay, yes. A sparkling chicken wine that will be perfect for this occasion. You used to save that for baptisms. Truly, today you have been baptized. Oh, it's true. You have achieved great things and you have unlocked the potential that dwells within you and I am ever so proud.

Now I believe you are ready for the periphera. and you have unlocked the potential that dwells within you, and I am ever so proud. Now I believe you are ready for Ziparifara. And actually as Grafite mentions the Perifara, you see one of the attendants that was watching the fight kind of whispers in her ear, and she's like, oh really?? Oh magnifique that is wonderful news! The attendant hands her a little tablet and she looks at and says, up until now we were searching for the location of the peripheral. That was the purpose of this research station up in the Kelsen peaks but at long last it has been located. It seems that the entrance to the periphera is in the deepest depths of a cavern hidden in the heart of a ferocious jungle. For any normal adventurer finding this place would be an impossible task, but for you, Nayak, is simply a trip to your old backyard.

For you see my sweet chickadees, you are headed to Zorana for Valley. And that's where we'll end our session. Oh, boy! Oh, boy! They go home, baby. Homeward bound, hell yeah. Bound Hellia 1 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 Oh my goodness! What a chunky app! Yeah!

That was a lot of fun! It was great! I hope you like your new abilities. Hope you like your little gifts. Yeah. That was some chunky jam, man. Ah, ah, ah. I'm excited to talk more about the intricacies

of your abilities on our short rest. In the meantime, I would love to shout out Yen's Christian T for composing some of the music for our show. Thank you so much, Yen's. May Jam never touch your conductor's fingers. May you always be free. But if you find yourself more yet but twist your piano keys. Oh yes, may your piano remain jam free. Thank you so much. Shout out to Henry A for providing me with the D&D Beyond

subscription I've been using. And of course, thank you to Daniel Raymost for the sound mixing on this episode. You can follow them on Instagram at Dr. Schubert and you can check out their work at DanielRaymos.com. Thank you all so much for listening and my sweet nieces and nephews. Let's go to the woods. Yeah.

Let's just come run as far as we can. Okay. Let's run in the woods, huh? Can we tip over a porta-potty if we see one? Absolutely. Hell yeah. I know where one is. My body works for a company.

Haha. See you later.