Not Another D&D Podcast - Trinyvale - Ep. 17: Crystal Climax

Episode Date: June 18, 2020

Content Warning: This episode contains discussion of suicidal ideation.At the top of a spiraling tower built to honor the Gods, the Trinyvale Trio encounters an old foe hellbent on changing his fate. Onyx spies a visor, Jens books his first ad deal, and Nyack invents a new form of archery as the final battle for control of the Ginnerak Crystals begins!CREDITS:Audio Production by Trevor Lyon (@LyonatLarge)Sound Design & Engineering by Daniel Ramos (@Schubirds on Twitter & @Dr.Schubird on IG) and Kei Matsuo (@Nightsharkss on Twitter).MUSIC:"Trinyvale Intro and Outro" by Emily Axford“City in the Clouds” by Emily Axford“Where the Mountain Meets the Sky” by Emily Axford "The Road to Silverado" by Daniel Ramos"Tense Electric" by Daniel Ramos"The Infinite Cheeks of Destiny" by Jens Christian Tvilum"The Journey of the Three" by Jens Christian TvilumSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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longest day of the year. And for us personally, it's going to be a longest stream of the year. That's right. Oh, that's so much moon. We had a Patreon stretch goal a few months ago, actually, but we promised y'all a Tomb of Horror stream. So we are going to be streaming the Tomb of Horrors. I will be running the game and Jake Emily and Caldwell will be playing as the band of boobs

going through the Tomb of Horrors. I'm even gonna have hopefully little tokens. Yeah, we're gonna have a plan of grid for kind of the first time ever. So it should be a lot of fun. Please tune in. You guys can check it out at twitch.tv slash nad pod. This Saturday, June 20th at 3 p.m. Pacific time,

6 p.m. Eastern time. We're gonna be playing for 12 hours straight, baby. That's right. Yeah, good lord. All nighter, come p.m. Eastern time. We're gonna be playing for 12 hours straight baby. That's right. Yeah. Good Lord. All nighter. Come watch us die. Yeah. On with the show. See ya. This is a headgun podcast. Welcome to Trinneville. Trinneville. Trinneville. Trinneville. Trinibale. Trinibale. Trinibale.

Oh, play it back one more time for me if you don't mind. Trinibale. Trinibale. Trinibale. Perfect. I needed to because this is going to be a big fun soad. A world where the past comes alive. And also dead people come alive.

Almost anything can come alive because of magic. Today's story begins once again in Trine Tower. Having defeated the chaotic entity known as Verlis, our heroes celebrate amidst his crystal and remains. Their revelry is short-lived, however, for they know that at the top of this tower lies the laith of creation, a vessel with the power to both create and destroy Ginnarak crystals. And so, with their divine objective in mind, our brave triplets approach a spiraling ramp laden with relics of the past and begin their ascent to an unknown future. Will our heroes make history?

No. Or become it. Yes. Maybe. It's rhetorical, but thank you. Only time will tell, and so, without further ado, let's rejoin, reach Reval team 22 and begin Chapter 17 of the Trinaville adventure. Trinaville.

Trinaville. Trinaville. Woo-hoo! Oh, a three-fer. Three times for the triplets. You got them all. Yeah. Three cheers for sweet triplets.

Three cheers for one heart. Hello, friends. Hello, friends. And welcome back to the table. I am your dungeon master, aka a dunkel called Waltaner, and I am joined by... Jen's Lindell, mad god killer. While dancing the thriller, I'm so sorry,

I didn't think of a thing before. That was pretty good to go on like with. It was fine. I wanted to think of something with the positivity thing because that was kind of my thing before again. That was pretty good to go on with. It was fine. I know I wanted to think of something with the positivity thing because that was kind of my thing last time, but you know what, stay positive, make money. Ha ha ha ha. Onyx, Lumiere, going ham for the Trinsta Graham.

Woo! That's awesome. There you go. She's back. True site with the parasite, Nyak of the Renafor. Beautiful. Interesting, Epithet before.

That's Niac's thing. Wow. At least starting now. Ha ha ha. He has to define himself. Yeah. You're keeping us on Arto's while you remain fully on the ground. I like it.

Okay, y'all, I know you're excited for a date at the museum, but first, how about a quick recap? Okay. All righty. When last we met, U3 had just defeated Verilis' minions and were then sucked into a mental prison that looks suspiciously like your studio apartment in Vainelar. To complete the illusion, your dragon-born landlord showed up and started demanding extra

rent money. However, before this threat could come to fruition, Verlis reappeared, stabbed him, then sank into the floor. You three then played an incredibly destructive game of hide and seek in order to flush Verlis out of the various pieces of furniture he had possessed. After uncovering troves of Nyaxe's vintage porn collection, that's right, I have a problem, I'm sick. I'm sick of you blaming yourself for human impulses.

Admitting it is the first step to admitting that you're lying. You then managed to track Verlis to the bathroom. Fearing for his life, Verlis possessed Onyx. But due to Nyax' jam-fueled agility, she was unable to land a hit. By she you mean Verlis. I mean, Verlis was possessing me, so it's kind of like Verlis was the one who missed. Missing. Yeah, Verlis.

After Jyn's managed to stab the Dexter steaman, you then realized that he was actually incredibly weak and raked his ass over the thorns. With Verlis' mind defeated, both his body and the prison holding it shattered. At long last, Onyx was finally free of her demonic patron's controlling whispers. Luckily, the illusory apartment Verla's conjured remained after his defeat, and you three took a much-needed mental long rest to prepare for the trials ahead. Upon returning to the real world, you discovered a small silvery orb amidst the crystal debris. Sensing its power, Onyx decided to place

the orb on her flail in the recess that used to belong to Verla's shard. As soon as she did this, however, she was greeted by a vision of Nadas, the god of sages and starlight, who appeared to be trapped in some sort of silver tornado prison. Nadas reaffirmed Onyx that she and her brothers must destroy the Gennarak crystal. They then infused Onyx's wish-baby with divine power and gave her a silver hair makeover. Before breaking the trance, Nadas also requested that if she or the others seen a LAR to tell him that they're sorry for everything.

And that is where we are now. So you are at the bottom of this long spiraling ramp. It's basically like three Guggenheims stacked on top of each other. It's kind of that like sort of spiraling museum sort of architecture. Oh, okay, they're interesting. It's a lot of Guggenheims. I know Guggenheim well. Yeah, is anyone else getting Guggenheim vibes?

I was feeling more of the Frick or the MoMA, but yes. I got the broad. Three Guggenheims, that's a Guggenheim for each of the triplets. That's what we're called the three Guggenheims. Yes, in other countries when they translate trend of Aile, it is strangely translated as the Three Guggenheims. So as you walk up this Giga Guggenheim, you see several exhibits that detail the long and storied history of the Trine. The first thing you see is a section labeled origins.

You see the Trine standing together next to the lathe of creation and smiling. They all wear lab coats and their faces look almost human, tired, but full of a hope that their current faces seem to lack Their eyes don't glow and their proportions seem almost smaller and fragile Below the picture you see a placard labeled project heavenhand as you continue up you see another section labeled rise of the trine. In this picture,

the Trine all stand proudly outside of this very tower. They each wear a color-coded uniform, complete with a cape and a golden clasp of their respective sigils. Why don't you give me a quick insight check on this? 11 19 19 let's go with gins is 19 I'd like to use my 11 okay, I think I notice because they have really nice clothes on Gins yeah, you absolutely you are admiring their capes And you notice that Nadas has their hand on the large shoulder Yeah, you absolutely, you are admiring their capes. And you notice that Nadas has their hand on the large shoulder in this picture. The placard below reads, the golden eternity.

Does it look like a romantic gesture or a friendship gesture or even a parental gesture? Or like a forced had to do it for the photo. Oh, like I don't know where to put my hands gesture. And type lips smile. To Niac, it looks forced. To Onyx, it looks platonic. To Jens?

Looks vaguely romantic. There's some horningness in there. Hahaha. Do I see a chest as a boner? That's just kidding. That's so cursed. It's like I never said that. I never want to know that about you guys. If you did, I'd have covered it up.

I've seen people touch like this in my vintage Elven, my vintage Elven. Niax vintage pornography. When I've discovered it. I discovered it. Disgusting flaw. What is wrong with you? Can I say to Niax, but like I'm saying Niax,

but I'm gesturing towards Jens, it is good to have sort of healthy sexual energy and it is good. These vintage pictures, if they are taken consensually, this is a good source outlet for some of the emotions that may be reiling in your testicles. I agree, but I have a sickness on it. Expression of these feelings is a healthy thing,

and as long as it is, you know, in a good way. So, you know, jerk off is what I'm trying to say. I agree, Niaq. I think it's healthy. I will find. And I do all the time. I can't stop. Yeah. It's just a masturbation for everyone.

It's like it can be a really good relief of stress. It's all I'm trying to say. Thank you. You hear the parasite within you goes, whatever yucks your yo. Quiet us. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha. Ah, so as you all learn a little too much about each other, you, uh, a sinned the ramp further and you see a third section labeled future. You see there's one more large photo of the Trine, but in this picture, their appearance more closely resembles the way they look today. Leont sports a massive sword, Nalar, whereas clockwork spectacles, and Nadas is ears now point upward in an almost

elven manner. May I do sort of a sense because I just saw Nadas, how do they look different in this picture to I just saw them. In the picture, they look powerful and in control. When you saw them, their appearance was the same, but they looked broken and constrained. Okay. Shackled. Okay, so no like new affectations or a wardrobe. No, more or less the same wardrobe actually.

Okay, thank you. If I could outline it, it sounds like they were some kind of humans or lesser beings. Yes, I think mortals, for sure. Then became gods, and then became sad gods. Do you think we are dealing with a case of sad gods?

I think we've got some sad Gods who need a little positivity. And if we happen to make some money off of it, that's fine because we're being good. I'll hawk vitamins. I don't care. So below the picture, you see another placard that reads, Project Trinaville. There's a little quote that says, it is through this grand labor of celestial love that our world will be reborn.

One day, our children's children will have a new planet to call home, a planet full of magic and unseen potential, a planet called Trinaville. And after you read this plaque, you ascend even further to the top of the ramp. At the top, you see an inverted pyramid that is the same color as the big frozen crystal flame that you saw on the top of the tower. You see no door to enter, but nearby you spot a small platform with a handprint icon on it. The text above the handprint reads,

only those with five divine appendages may enter this chamber. You also see there's another Delirio's Curios vending machine, almost like rising up out of the ground as if it is some sort of growth. It's an invasive sort of barnacle vending machine that has kind of popped out of the ground near here, but this one doesn't seem to be working. Okay, so. How many crystals do we have? We do, I was just wondering, the Gennarack crystals.

Could someone hold it in their hands, you know, like make a fist and put each of the crystals in between each finger? Wolverine style? Yeah. I guess I could do this, I do this. Okay. I do it.

These seems dangerous. You make some cool crystal knuckles and you kind of pull them against this sensor and as soon as you do that the crystals glow and a small circular opening appears on the surface of the pyramid. You realize that this chamber must be enchanted with a powerful dimension door spell because inside of the room you see an impossibly large garden divided by a spiraling stone pathway. Before we enter, may I quickly look at the ramp we have taken and see if, or perhaps

NIAC could look and see if there are any other footsteps if we are expecting anyone might be in here. Yes, I'll track whoever's been here before. Beautiful. That's a dirty 20, dirty 20. I get really low to the ground like I'm gonna do the worm, but I don't. I do the slug. Which means you leave a trail. A trail of slime. Oh my goodness. It's the pornography.

It haunts my mind. Again, nothing to be ashamed of. Not the way I use it. Okay, I rescinded. I've got to trust you on this one. Nayak, with your belly fully prostrate on the floor of this museum, you don't see any physical footprints, but you can sense almost a arcane footprint, residue of a magical presence that dwells in this place.

It's very faint, but you get the sense that someone might be here. Someone has preceded us. Okay. Then I will pair apps, uh, activate my armor of amethyst. Very cool. To prepare myself for if something should be hostile. I could cast invisibility on us. That's kind of interesting. Yeah, why not? I would say why not? I'll do a fourth level invisibility to make us all invisible.

Ooh, I like this. Very cool. Finally, I am the way I feel. Ha ha ha. I hugged Nia, that was too sad. Come here, bring it in. As I disappear, I was a single choking cry before I muffle it.

Oh my God. Jens, we really need to start thinking better, Gare of Niaq. Hey, did he fell apart? This battle took it all on his morale. It's been one day. It was lying in the dirt that did it. It was lying in the dirt that did it.

Jens, as soon as you cast this invisibility spell, you hear a voice. That trick's not going to work twice, you know. Hmm. I don't think it worked the first time. Not very well. Hahaha. I was giving you more credit than you deserve.

Wow. It seems we are met with the benefactor. Indeed. You blink, and suddenly he's there. Clad now in his iconic emerald robes and clockwork spectacles is the Benefactor. Or, as you know him now, Nalar, the God of Time and Tides. Hey, Nalar, the God of time and tides. A, Nalar? Yes.

Nadas wanted to say, they're sorry. Ah, it's too late for apologies. He looks down at his leg, which is covered in some sort of strange, igneous stone. Much too late. He sighs heavily and plants his golden staff firmly on the ground, then looks up at you, his emerald eyes burning with resolve. So, how do you want to do this? Shall we talk first? Or shall we fight? So, how do you want to do this? Shall we talk first?

Or shall we fight? Entirely up to you. I will cast Hicksblake Kers on him. But I am also invisible, so perhaps he does not witness this. Okay. I totally forgot that you're invisible so the Laura just asked an empty room if they wanted to talk Yeah, I guess I'm not sure if he saw us turn invisible or free as true sight So I guess I'm just giving him the finger and see if he reacts

Just kind of like moving around Why don't you do a perception? Okay. Or insight. That is a natural one. Natural one. Who? You cannot tell shit. His pupils are darting back and forth. So you're not sure if he's following your middle finger

or just kind of looking around the room, trying to figure out where you are. I hold up an Elven portal magazine and see if his pupils dilate when he sees that. Hold on, let me do a roll. I'll roll for perception. Ooh, that's a 27 for me looking at his pupils. Wow, okay.

So despite the fact that he can't actually see the magazine because it's also invisible, you notice without fail that Nalar is 0% horny. He rolled it too. And with this magazine, he would have he would have been chubbed up at least. Can I do an invite check or a nature check on the rock on his leg? Yeah, great. What would you prefer I do for that? Why did you do insight?

17. 17. Onyx with a 17, you remember seeing this stone shape on his leg before when Nalar and Leont did battle in the Worfside manner. When Nalar powered up and assumed his godly form, the golden cast that was on his leg melted off and you saw this stone there. And as I drop out the geology student, does the rock mean anything to me?

It's not like any rock you've ever seen. It looks unnatural. With a 17, I'll also say you were never seeing this rock in one other place. On Leon's arm in Drax von Mountain. Okay. Interesting. This rock has the power to make gods of mortals. Did you leave? Are you still here?

I asked a question and then you just kind of were silent for about five minutes. What's going on? What's with the rock on your leg? We're chatting, but we can only chat for 30 seconds because I guess it curse on him. Oh yes, I felt that, it tickled. I guess I'm going to walk away from Nayak and Onyx kind of prepping if he sees us or when he attacks to make sure we're not all grouped up. Yeah, I'm going to walk right next to him because I am wondering if he is perhaps some sort of mage and based on the new power in my flail from Nadas, I now have the feet mage slayer.

Oh, very cool. Yeah, for those listening, since Onyx put the essence of Nadas that she got from that orb into her flail, I allowed her to take an extra feet. So I took a feat that I thought would help me to achieve the goal that Nadas asked of me. Very cool. So you are kind of circling towards the back of Nalar, currently? Yes. Going to be five feet away from him right over his shoulder. Okay, okay.

Jens, where are you? I am spinning a time dagger and going around near the front, I guess, on the other side. Naya, how about you? Still holding the porno? I've rolled up the porno and and I've sidled up, ro... Don't roll it up! It's really magazine, brother.

Magazine. Yes. It's my magazine. I can do this with it. I'm dog hearing all my favorite page. Okay, well, it's strange that you would even take out the November issue. If you weren't going to take the whole year.

There are collection of sets, you need to keep it all together. I make a big show that I don't care about the magazine, but then I go over to the side of Nalarin straight in. I was like, that's my bad leg. I'm gonna do a general perception to see if Nalar is able to kind of sense where are y'all are moving to,

and the fact that you're moving around. Cool. Okay, that's gonna be a 23, so they are aware. Sure, yes, move around, make yourself comfortable. Onyx, you asked about my leg, yes. I throw my voice in front of him. Yes, I do. He turns around and faces you, not knowing exactly where you are, but having a pretty good idea. Kind of leans in right towards your ear and whispers. A parting gift from Nadas, if you must know.

I also cast freedom of movement on myself, which I can do at will without expanding a spell slot, but I do it secretly. Um, was that a gift given by accident as kind of collateral damage or did you have a fight? Just asking because we're also triplets. And I don't wanna have the same pitfalls. No, it's very wise to ask. You think you know who your friends are. You think you know who the closest people in your life are

and then something like this happens. Nadas betrayed me. They used my own research into stopping time to create some sort of powerful symbol spell. I suppose you might want to thank them though if not for Nadas' intervention. I would already be dead and this world would be free of its magical shackles. So Nadas cast a spell to save you, and that is why they apologized to you? Some might see it as me being saved, but I didn't want to be saved.

Let me explain. Okay. They do. When you saw me in Vainelar building that machine. It wasn't for the other gods. I wasn't trying to take their life. I was trying to end my own. Because of the pain of immortality

or because of the irresponsibility of immortality. A little bit of both. I've lived for over a hundred thousand years. I've lived every possible human experience ten times over. I've been a scientist, a hero, a king, and finally a god. I've explored the reaches of space and knowledge. There is nothing left for me to do. But more importantly, I am fucking sick of this place.

No, no, sick isn't the right word. I'm embarrassed. He starts walking around pacing, just kind of ranting to whoever is listening. It seems like even if he weren't here, he would still be going on about this. We were so excited when we made Trinaville. We were finally getting a chance to make a world of our own imagining.

A world full of noble heroes and powerful magics a world both exciting and entertaining but eventually things got out of hand. See he kind of walks over to one of the rocks shaped like Agendelle. As our power grew the power and potential of Trinavale grew as well. Magic became as common as water, every cavern became overloaded with treasure, and crystals were goddamn everywhere. And it just got worse as time went on. And it just got worse as time went on. The elves stopped studying magic and started performing burlesque dances. Excuse you.

I will not be excused. You are a noble people, and this is how you comport. But that's not the worst of it. Gorillas learned to talk. Gorillas are wise. Moon rocks came to life, and all of them, every single race got way too horny. You were horny once. We saw the picture. And you could be horny again. I was horny with restraint. I make the magazine visible. I have. That's right, on a gen. That's my porn

right there. And I don't just collect it. I look at it a lot Why do I feel like I've seen that porn before were you holding that up before he was I briefly displayed it And there's my brother's porn, but I'm I must admit I'm intrigued by it Not me. He looks away Just think about it think about this world. How silly it's gotten. Magic vending machines, full of babies, dragons made of vape smoke, even the gnomes, your beloved gnomes, onyx my faithful tinkers. They started making giant robots for no reason.

The gnomes of your world are the realization of something beautiful and true. Do not go after the norms of this world. It's just a giant golden man. The legs don't even move. It just flies. The legs are purely aesthetic. Yes. It's stupid.

Everything is stupid. This entire world is so dumb. Have you ever seen anyone fucking one? Yeah, the hand of it provides a great deal of privacy. It actually doesn't. It's not as much as you would like. Or think or hope. What would your world have looked like?

And if you wanted to make yourself, what have you come here today to do? I am assuming you have some sort of date with the lathe of creation. I'm here because I know that you are here to place those crystals in the lathe, and I'm here to stop you. I'm here to kill you and take the crystals for myself. And what will you do with them? Because perhaps we will agree with you and we'll just give them all. Yeah, you're a freaking knob, man. We'll blast you with the crystals if you want. How dare you.

That's what you want. You think that you can just blast me with the crystals? It takes lots of preparation to build the machine, to build the celestial guillotine that I need in my life. It's not some simple procedure. It's scientific. How about this? We'll end your life so that you don't have to put

so much effort into this. And I attack him. Ha ha ha. You attack him? Yeah, I guess I'm not right. I guess a little time. I'm invisible. I get advantage. My mind is about well go for it so be it if you can do as you say then please without hesitation bring your worst and

As you prepare to fight him You see he polls a Pocket watch from his robe, opens his mouth, drops the pocket watch inside and swallows it. That's kinky. Oh, where are the silly ones? And you're out here eating watches.

Yeah, I was just going to say you're so mad about this world being silly, but you just did quite a silly thing. I'm going to blast you with these crystals, man. Shut up! You're gonna get crystal blasted. You're gonna get blasted by the crystals. It's not gonna work! I'm telling you! I'm a victim just as much as you are! Everyone hold up a crystal. We're gonna blast him.

Thready 3-2-1-GO! I hold up a crystal. A triplet crystal stair. A triplet crystal stair. Jen, it's not working. I know, man. I don't know where my crystal is. I may jump open some curtains to try and get some light shining. It's because I accidentally get up higher.

I can't find her. This second, once, oh, okay. I have many different satchels, brother. What? You're spilling gloves out onto the floor. So you wave your crystals around like flashlights at a slumber party And as you do that you see Nalar's body begins to contort and

then Rips as massive gears sprout from his back. Oh, is it working? Yes! We're doing it! Keep your crystals high, brother. This is not you! We're doing it, Niaq! You're not doing this! He's turning into clocks!

We're heroes! We're heroes of Triniville! We're turned into a harmless clock! I plant this! Crystal Triple It's Star! We're making it stronger! This is our fault! As the gears turn, the Lars hands and feet grow into huge, no frost covered claws.

Mm-hmm. Uh-oh. Okay, put the crystal down, maybe. Okay, Diyak, you need to folk, you need to not think about claws. I'm trying to think about more small-clacks, stuff. Small-clacks, everyone. to not think about claws. I don't try. Think about more small clocks, stuff, small clocks, everyone. I can think about as big scary clocks, brother. Everyone's not thinking of big scary clocks. Now I'm thinking about big scary clocks. From his back, metallic wings unfold

and a massive segmented tail shaped like the hand of a clock thuds to the ground. Alex, did you think, who thought about the wings in the tail? I did, I thought about wings. Oh, I'm so sorry, yes, I actually thought about a visor. What? I was not wearing a visor, right? Just a nice like, moral bra visor.

Like from carton, like from points? Like a sun visor. You see, Nalars holding a small moral brawl visor in their hand, and they like hide it behind their back. You didn't do that. No. Is that a visor? On his face, on his visorless face,

you see horns, teeth, and a cog shaped third third eye, which opens wide and stares directly at you. The clockwork dragon wars, flaps its mechanical wings, then begins to speak. When last we fought, I used only a fraction of my strength. Now you shall bear witness to the power that only 100,000 years of cruel, unending fate can bestow! Everybody roll initiative. Okay, boy. 21. Okay. Oh boy. Oh, 21. Wow.

Dirty 20. A five. Ha ha ha. Off in that one. So I am dexterous. A graceful five. Gentlemen's five. So yeah, you see this massive clockwork dragon covered in bronze and gears,

and this glowing central third eye on top of his forehead, staring you down. You do see a little steam kind of billowing out of his nostrils. And he kind of squares up, trying to get a sense of where you are in the room. And he says, you know, I actually dreamed that one day three noble heroes might come and put a stop to my plan. A knight, a mage, a ranger, ah, what a perfect team that would be. Instead, I get you three. A couple of toxic weirdos and a tiny horse that makes the worst noise I've ever heard in my entire life

It actually a teacup unicorn. It's so weird to call a unicorn a horse. That's so weird. It's a horse. I'm not wrong See see That's why when I defeat you. I'm not only using the crystals to take myself out I'm taking the world with me too. Oh, that's the part of it We don't like okay everyone copy. Let's stick with the crystal triplet stair No, our slams a massive nulfross pawl down onto the ground and as he does this the Sky the blue sky above switches to black and you see the cube of Trinneveil, as well as its two moons floating above you. There's a reason we design this world with six sides. If we ever got sick of one, we could just flip it and start again.

So now, as soon as the Celestial Guiateen takes my life, I've programmed the entire planet to terminate, flip, and start again. That's turning me. That was almost clever. There's still beauty in this world. Your reward shall be instant death. Fuck. All right.

Now, let's get into this battle. Nyaak, you're up first. All right, I quickly, well, as a bonus action, I'm gonna cast Hunter's Mark on this guy. Great, I am also going to super quickly make my arrows have instead of feathers, just tiny little naked elves from the magazines. Oh, come on, man.

You've lived a hundred thousand years, but you've never seen anyone do this before And I bend over and I fire an arrow from From behind through my butt What is he doing proving his thesis wrong? He's invisible. We can't see any of this He comes out of invisible once he casts a spell so I think he thinks he's doing this by himself. We're seeing everything That's a 25 to hit. I

Hate to admit it to put your right. I've never seen anything like this and probably for good reason it's dumb He gets hit with an arrow 11 damage on my first arrow cool, and then I'm gonna go into a back bend and shoot again Shout out to the two crew. Yeah, I bent over too far. Oh The naked Elvin lady arrow whizzes past him and you do see no large eyes flick towards it for a second I wasn't looking not horny. It's okay. I've learned recently that it's okay. I guess that's such a strange day.

You went from having like an existential crisis and breaking down to being into like erotic archery? Yeah. Yeah. You just found your passion. I think I found my thing today. I mean, on the other side of every single breakdown is erotic archery.

You don't find rock bottom without finding erotic archery immediately. You truly are my brother. And now Nya is peaked.. Alright, is that your turn? That is my turn. Great, that brings us to Onyx. Okay, I will attack with advantage for the first one because I'm coming out of invisibility. Cool. Does a 21 hit.

21 does hit. Okay, I will do my Eldritch smite. Oh wow. And that he's going to be 45 damage. Woo! Whoa! Healthy! And then I will attack again. Said 45 damage? 45 damage. Just checking because it's a fucking lot. All right, you attack again. Yes. Bring it. Is a 16 going to hit. 16 does not hit. Okay. Onyx, as you lay into Nalar with this Eldritch smite, I imagine you got to get pretty close up to do that. You're in close range. Oh, I'm within five feet. You see him as a reaction, plant one of his claws on your chest.

Oh. And you look down and see that there is now this turquoise rune on your chest. And before you can even react to that rune being there, a portal opens, and you see Nalar through the portal in his clockwork form. Breathe fire on you. Yikes. And I need you to roll Constitution with disadvantage.

Constitution with disadvantage. Okay. Let me see if I have anything. And this is not a spell, he's not a mage right now. Nope. This is his future breath ability. Okay, that's going to be a fail no matter what. There's nothing I can do. Okay, let me get some deates real quick.

This does feel like that time travel gun that we had before, except he can make it so he's shooting stuff at us from the future. Onyx, what did you roll on your constitution? Um, I roll day... I five. A five. Okay, so you take 63 damage and you are frozen in time Let me just look at my armor of Agatha's real quick Just to see what happens Okay, yeah, that's cool. You bypassed everything I can do

Sorry, okay, so onx, that's your turn. And then let's see, I believe as a legendary action, Jyn's you're still invisible, right? Yes. Cool, I think they're going to use a perception check to try and figure out where you are. That is a natural one. Very good.

They are way too distracted by the porn arrows to notice anything other than that. Arotic archery. Okay, awesome. That brings us to, oh, Nalars turn proper. They are going to take a multi-attack at NIAC, seeing as they have already neutralized Onyx. Of course.

Bring it on and come on. So this is for the bite. Does a 21 hit you, I think should. It does. Okay, that is going to be 21 damage from the bite. Okay, but you better believe I've got multi attack defense. I put a jam on my head as a helmet, and my AC is now 21. It's now 21.

Correct. Great. Now they're gonna make two claw attacks at you. First one's gonna be 18 that misses, second one, 23. So that just hits. So they're going to do 14 more damage. Okay. Alright. And that is their turn. And that brings us to Jens. Sweet. First things first. I'm going to release keychain. Oh!

Hello. Long time. No C. Hi, yes. Usually we can kind of handle it ourselves. This is a pretty extreme situation. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha this clock but we kept thinking about dragon things and we've seemed to have manifested it somehow. Be careful it has a visor. Also I'm invisible this must be incredibly confusing for you. Keychain does see the crumpled visor and says it will be mine. Create anything to get you to stop smoking.

It's the one advantage of being a robot. I can never die and I don't go to sleep, but I can smoke all I want Careful this guy can't die and it really ruined his life It seems bad So I keep you enrolled a three so they'll go after you Jens. So Onyx essentially has a spell cast on her. Yes. Does this seem like something I could possibly dispel? Um, if I cast a spell magic. Yeah, I would I would allow that. Oh, could I have counterspelled it? I don't think so, because it's an ability, not a spell.

But I think that it is magical in nature, so I'd allow a dispel magic. You have like a status on you, essentially. Got it. Okay, great. So, first things first. Is that status paralyzed or restrained? Because I can't be that.

It's, you're literally stopped in time. So it's like a magical, you're magically paralyzed, I guess. Final Fantasy style. Yeah. So I'm going to open my turn from invisible, uh, try to get lucky with the advantage and throw a time dagger with my offhand as a bonus action. Woo! Very nice.

Kim and... Offhand is a bonus action. Ooh, very nice. Kimmon. It's probably gonna hit, but not a net 20. That is 25 to hit. That does hit. Great. It's just gonna be 10 damage. Okay. And I very confidently say, you are not the master of time.

That title belongs to me and it's high noon. And then I look and I see and it's high noon And then I look and I see that it's dark and then I go I mean midnight and then I toss it and I do hit the dragon But it doesn't do much are just eight o'clock. I can tell you exactly it is 4.37 p.m 4.37 and it's dark. Where are we? This is a hologram. This is like a planetarium top. Did you not get that? But you're like a time. So this person's frozen in time, but it's 437. And this is fake. You're silly.

I'm not silly. I cast his spell magic on Onyx to try to get her unfrozen in time. Awesome. Since this doesn't have a spell level attached to it, I'll just say that you can burn it and it'll work. Oh sweet. Yeah, I cast it and free her from her time prison. Nice. I don't know what happened. I assume that I just attacked. Good job, Onyx. Thank you so much. Then I'll use my movement to move kind of far away from Onyx and Nyak.

Very nice. Great turn. Thank you. That brings us to another legendary action from Nalar. Ula-la. Legendary actions are fun, y'all. So they are going to do a wing attack. So this is going to be Onyx and Nyak

are going to be in the range of this wing attack. This is a DC-19 deck save. He flaps his big mechanical wings and creates a big gust. I love the gust. I did just crit. Damn, and you crit? Mm-hmm. Nice.

Oh fuck. I got it 26. Nice guys. Yep. 20, 24. Nice. Yeah, so that gust just makes my mullet look awesome Why would you choose that haircut? It's so stupid. Why would you choose a visor?

Okay, you know what when you live for a hundred thousand years and you can't die you pick up smoking. It's fun It is fun the robot gets it I would definitely smoke if I was immortal and make sense. Yeah, like what is I gonna do? Not accept the visor. I got all the points. I already got the C-Doo. I worked my way down from the C-Doo. You must have so many points. I have so many points. My points could be yours. Give me the crystals. Give me your C-Doo. That's why we're fighting, isn't it? Give us your seedoo, you villainous creature. What does seedoo? It's like a wave runner, right?

Jetski, yeah. It's a Jetski for someone that would wear a visor. Precisely. Well put. Awesome. So that is their legendary action. And that brings us to Keychain. Maybe.

It's been a while since Keychain! Wooo! Maybe. It's been a while since Keychain's been in the mix. You see, Keychain finishes his cigarette, kicks it out on the ground, says, here's to feeling good all the time. And he's going to make three bite attacks. Wow. Nice.

I forgot that you bite, Keychain. It's been a long time. Got his teeth nice and hot from the cigarettes, too. Alright, let's see here. That's gonna miss. That's gonna get out. Ooh, alright, one hit, one hit, don't worry. He's getting a D8 in, don't you worry about her boy. Good.

So that is going to be 11 damage. Okay. And Keychain is going to action surge. Yes. Wow. What a strong robot. Keychain lights another cigarette and mimics rolling up his sleeves and just launches forward and takes three more attacks.

Jump, jump, jump. That's going to miss. That's going to miss one more hit from Keychain though. Okay, good. Two out of six, ain't bad. And that is 11 more damage. I got one out of two, so you actually are not doing worse than me, sorry. My ratio, he's terrible, but it's the thought that counts. And he does put his cigarette out on the bronze chassis of this Clockwork Dragon.

Stop it! You're scuffing my chassis! cigarette out on the bronze chassis of this clockwork dragon. Stop it! You're scuffing my chassis! Scuff is chassis. Everyone go after the chassis seems to love it. Get off my chassis! Jesus, come on! So unclassy to burst my chassis! That's silly, you made a rhyme, that's very silly. That was trashy. I'm not silly! I see this world was made in your image.

Okay, that is initiative zero, which brings us to Nalar's layer action. Now as part of Nalar's future breathability, he has to actually open the portal to the past. So that is what you see him doing now. The emerald cog shaped central eye on his forehead glows, and you see this portal open up, and you see him breathe fire from this position in time into the past directly onto Onyx, and with that the loop is closed.

Wow. Okay, and that is going to bring us back to Niaq. All right, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna get Sassy on the chassis actually. I am, you know what, I'm gonna expel three jam points. Wow. And I'm gonna cast the slow spell on this dragon. Woohoohoo. My brother and I both control time. And now it's

1201 midnight 01 a clock. Take that. It's so late. I should be asleep. All right, let's see if you can beat Nalawr at his own game. if you can beat Nalar at his own game. That's a nat 20, I'm so sorry. Oh. Wow, we're trading crits on saving throws, okay? You don't have to apologize. I can use another jam point to make it happen. Yo!

Whoa. What? Hell yeah. You have a ability that just makes someone just fail? My dunkel wrote the rules, baby. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Shoot! Hahaha! Um... I think you try to cast this spell, and it fails, it fizzles, as it reaches the dragon. And he starts to laugh at you, but as he does, his throat fills with jam, and he chokes it down, and you poison him with the slow effect. That's right.

Ooh! Minus 2 to AC and tech save throws. It can't use reactions. Yeah, here's the thing. He has legendary resistance, but that's just for saving throws. There's nothing about you just overturning it. So I basically gave you a legendary resistance override, which was maybe foolish on my part,

but I'm standing by it. You are going to need to make two jam rolls, though. Cool, that's right. We're gonna say na, which means give na yak a win There's no on a way on this one. That's na oh, no. Oh, it goes against the raw, but it is na That's an 11 on my first jam roll. Okay, you're safe. Okay. Now the threshold is two Wow, that's close. That's a five on my second role. Okay, you're in the clear jam threshold is at three And I'm gonna use my bonus action to dash I can do that on my level 12

Ranger so I'm gonna dash towards Jens oh Unstratigically, but I'm trying to get a low five awesome Why are you don't come near me, there's a dragon. Just trying to get that low five brother. Which I'm fine, I slap his hand and try to push him away. Get out of here. Niac, not because I don't like you, because I like you, get away.

Niac barrel rolls alone just as far as the way that I can get from Jen's post high five. Low five, sorry. Okay, nice turn. So you're trying to baseball slide into that low five. That's right. And then passed it through it. Away to my own area. As you slide away, you see the lard looks so confused.

I've spent thousands of years mastering what little can be known of time magic. And yet, in the span of months, you learn this spell? How? How is that possible? It's because I have a parasite. What? Perhaps that is the case. Yes, it could be it. He sniffs the air, and you see, like a kind of metallic frown forms on his face.

So you are playing with an unfair advantage, which seem... ...of all the people. Very well, I'll take care of him next. I will say, Niac, keeping him from doing reactions is huge because now he can't use future breath. Ooh, that's good. As long as he is under this spell, holy shit. Okay, so he's going to make a,

I think he's just gonna make a tail attack on Onyxthens and say, Niac and Jens are out of the way. Is it a melee attack? Yes. Okay, roll to see if you hit. I will. Does a 15 hit, probably doesn't. 15 does not hit, because they're just buffed my decks.

Nice. So you miss. Um, cool. Okay, I don't have to do anything then. Yep, his clock hand tail slams into your mall. It makes his entire body like vibrate. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it makes his entire body vibrate. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He is silly.

Very silly. No, no, serious. He's very silly. I just feel as though the silliness comes from you. This is Tom and Jerry behavior. This is a wild e-coyote behavior. This is no Bugs Bunny shit. This is serious business.

I will. You brought up Bugs Bunny on your own. I hadn't even mentioned Bugs. What? That was all you. You are Yos even mentioned bugs. What that was all you You are your simmity Sam. What's up clock? Oh? Yes Arotic archery and stand-up comedy in one day take it back. How dare you? I'm serious my mission is pure I shall remake the world. It's it's really it's heavy stuff give me your visor

It's really it's heavy stuff give me your visor Awesome, so that is going to be on X's turn. Okay, I'm going to attack him Does a 21 hit 21 does it okay, especially now Oh, I'm doing another eldritch my boy, so it becomes 56 damage I will take my second attack oh because I also have a life drinker and x-blade curse on him and I will take my next attack does a 19 hit yes it does Okay, this time, just 25. 25 more damage? Yes.

It's really good. Yeah, that's not just. I do like nine a turn. Ha, ha, ha. Well, I do an extra five every time I hit and I also cursed him. He is cursed. His entire existence is cursed

and he hates it and he hates you. Ha, ha, ha. All right, so it's gonna take another legendary action. Let's see here. He is going to take another tail attack at Ewanix since you are the only one close enough. Okay. Shout out to the two crew, Jesus. I kind of want him to hit

because I have two different abilities I could do if he hits me with a melee attack. You were just bear traps, then bear traps. All right, but that does bring us to Nalars turn proper. Niac, how far can you dash on a turn? Do I, I can dash my full speed, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's 30 feet away.

30 feet away, and you're over by Jens, we'll say is also 30 feet away. Unfortunately, Nellar's movement is only 20 feet right now because of the slow spell, but he's desperate to break your concentration. So I think let's first of all see if he gets his breath weapon back. That is a one, he does not.

Just gotta. Yeah. You know what, all right, I think, one, he does not. Just gotta. Yeah. Um, you know what? Alright, I think... Yeah, he can't, I don't think he can hit you from this far away. So I think what he's going to do is cast a spell that I'm calling Reading the River. You see Nilar's third eye glows with this emerald light, and his pupil starts darting around all at once. SVC's millions of naked elf ladies all around him

Oh to be inside that head And that is his turn I'm going to counter spell Okay What level counter spell are you doing? I'll just do a regular one and do a role. Okay. Third level spell are you doing? I'll just do a regular one and do a roll. Okay, third level. So the D that means the DC is 10 plus the spells level. Wait, if he just has to spell, if he just has to spell, I have would have Mage Slayer and I would get to attack him again. Fuck, okay.

Where does it just bam, bam! This is the only spell he can do. Yeah, because I still have a reaction, so I can attack him. All right, so you're gonna do a role for it. I'm gonna say you need to get a DC-16 on your counter spell to break this ability. Okay, so I have a plus-5 to charisma, I have to get an 11 or higher. That's an 11, so that is exactly 16. Ah! Ah! You love to see it.

You see, as he's reading every possible future, as I darting around, a small fly just zips into it. Oh, ow! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I gotta flush it, I gotta flush it. So since this was counter spell That means it's a spell which means I can use my reaction to attack him go for it I'm guessing it 24 hits that will hit shoot us that it was an ability. Oh Never say spell around this crew. Yeah, what's the learned another 25 another 25 damage. Wow

Oh, just so you know five of that is necrotic. Okay, so that is an allars turn He looks real bummed, but is keeping a very serious face on whatever. I'll just do it again next time Wow, that's an elmer fun attitude is what I Will get you you waskily I Will get you you waskily I Will get you you waskily Weirdo answer is that what you want to say no answer is even award. Why would I say that? I don't know because you your Alpha sorlens oh Before I in my turn let me roll to see if I get out of the slow effect

Nyak what DC do I need to beat? 16 16 all right come on if I get out of the slow effect. Nyaak, what DC do I need to beat? 16. 16, all right. Come on, come on, I never asked for good roles. Ha ha ha ha. Ah, 16 exactly. And then my wisdom is plus six. So luckily, he shakes off the slow.

His voice goes from all right, that's enough. That's right, I'm gonna get serious now. all right, that's enough. That's right. I'm gonna get serious now. No, no, serious. Okay, very silly, very silly. That was good, not silly, not silly, very serious. That was tuning, that was tuning. You're a tiny tune man.

That's a few more times. Should not be meddled with. How dare you? All right, Jens, that's you. Sweet, so I realized that I kind of cheated last turn, so as penance, I will not do an offhand attack because I'm not supposed to do an offhand attack unless I use the attack action. Oh, this time I'll just, I will attack with my offhand.

Thank you for coming clean. Yes, of course. That's a good idea to cheat. I'm going to cheat in my next turn. The least you not, oh my god. It feels like you're cheating every turn. Yes, of course. That's a good idea to cheat. I'm going to cheat in my next time Please do not oh my god. It feels like you're cheating every turn. I swear to God. I lightly spank myself for cheating Stop that Just a little like giddy up to myself as I hop forward and then I'm going to Make two attacks with my short swords go

to make two attacks with my short swords. Go. That is a 20 to hit on the first one. Yes, that hits. Great. Okay, so on the first one I'm going to do a divine flourish, which is basically like a smite. I'm going to do it at a fourth level so that I can do it for 5-8. So I'm going to do 5-8 plus my regular attack. I think as I spank myself, it sort of propels me forward

as I stab forward with the short sword. You were horny once. Here I was thinking, you know what I'll use a slightly less strong dragon stats for this fight. 42 damage. Yeah, baby. And then I get to roll the infinite cheeks of destiny as I rhythmically spank myself. I got a 27. So I auto cast auto-zero-resistible dance. No! No! No! Now this is- Dance! Yeah, this is cartoon-y. Dance you tiny-tune. What dance do you make him do?

Uh, the Charleston. Well, this is somewhat sensible, I suppose. Yerda. Yerda. Yerda. Yerda. Yerda. See, the more sensible the dance, the more silly you look doing it,

because you're a giant clock dragon. You do see, he still has his golden cane from when he was in his human form, and he starts spinning that around. Oh, that's right. Yep, and then he takes his visor, and he like bumps it off his elbow, and it just lands right on his head.

Or he hates this. And then I'll make a second attack. God damn it. Well, they're dancing. Nat 20 Jesus Christ, okay, and then I'm gonna do a mobile flourish So I'm gonna add Another d10 to that good gracious a crit so 2 d10. It's not gonna roll my crit damage

30 damage on that one. Okay, and that is a mobile flourish. So I can push the target up to five feet away, plus the number equal to the feet of the number. I rolled on my die. Okay. So an extra at nine feet, so 14 feet away. And then I can,

oh, I can use my reaction to move up to my walking speed, but I think I'm not gonna do that. I don't wanna use my reaction. I'm just gonna use my movement at the end of my turn to get away from Niac. Why? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha- Please don't be, absolutely don't be. So you're crit with 30 damage, there was no extra damage there, there was just the movement. Yes. Cool, you push Nalar, who is very top-heavy

because he's doing the Charleston now, and he kind of stumbles within recovers, ha, chacha, chacha! Keeps Charlestoning. Pretty good. Pretty good turn, I would say, Jens, goodness gracious. Thank you so much.

All right, that is going to bring us to Keychain. Oh boy. Yeah. That Pfizer will be mine. You'll have to fight me for it, but okay. Me as well. You can have the C2. I cannot get wet.

I just really don't totally understand what it is, but okay. Alright, they're going to, yeah, they're going to go and take three attacks. Alright, Nelars AC is back up because he beat that spell. So that's going to be two hits from keychain. Yeah. That is 17 damage from Keychain, respectable. Indeed. Y'all, with Keychain getting in there and taking his swipes,

Nalars looking a little hurt. You see some of the bronze casing is starting to look dented and scuffed. His chassis is just fucked all the hell. The chassis is a mess. He's... After Keach and goes, you see he breathes steam out of his nostrils and goes,

Oh, this is getting so goddamn silly. I didn't want to have to do this, but here goes nothing. He raises up his head and he shouts, Child of the Stone, you who share in my immortal plight, come forth and aid my mission. And then you hear from one of the rocks over in the garden a voice that says, Oh, okay, boss!

And then you hear Nalargo, oh, just, just get over here. Just get over here. Oh, you gotta say my name first. Rockley, come over here, Rockley. Okay. And you see, from one of the rocks in this rock garden, a rock man who has a head that looks like a piece of broccoli Comes up and starts walking over they call me rock because I look like broccoli and I made a rocks

How's it going everybody? Okay, who gave you that name because that's very silly and I do feel as though it was what we are fighting right now I gave myself my own name Okay, that's pretty clever for you. It's not clever. It's stupid. His real name is Rutherford Rockley you're on our side. I think there's no other way to look at it We all support the name that you gave yourself. I don't understand the draw. We think rockley We want you to live in a world where rocks can be vegetable. This is my brother. He's super positive.

Check this out. This dragon wants to destroy that. I have my crystal up pointed at myself. And I've already titled the video, Beautiful Man Talks to Weird Rock Creature and Convincesum that life is worth living. No, I think it's hashtagging the vitamins that we're selling underneath. NON-FDA's vitamins. Sorry, but as a rock, I'm destined to live forever, and that's a tall vegetable to swallow. So I'm aligning myself with a Samorl who wants to end the world and remake it.

Here we go! Okay, you're also world and remake it. Here we go. Okay, you're also immortal and it hurts. Oh, so you're dumb and... Okay. Wow. Your voice was endearing. I thought maybe you were dumb and we could get you. Oh, I'm certainly dumb, but I'm also under the sway of this god. And then he's going to roll forward and try and hit, I guess.

I think he's going to have to go for Onyx because she's the one that's up in the mix. Yeah, that's fine. I'm with him five feet of the dragon. Okay. Does a 17 hit? It would hit, but I'm going to end traffic ward. Whoa. Wait, did I use my reaction already? I can't do it. Okay, yeah, it does hit.

Okay, so the Stone Man Rockley reaches out. You see this fingers do look like carrots. It's a really confusing theme. He swipes at you for nine damage. Okay. But you're also going to need to make a DC-12 Constitution save. Okay. I fail.

Uh-oh. Uh-oh. As the stone carrots swipe into you, you feel the wound start to crust over with rocks. And you begin to turn to stone. Okay. You're restrained until your next turn when you can- I can't be restrained. You can't be restrained.

Nice. I can't be paralyzed or restrained. Holy shit. Care, care, rot does not work on my triplet sister. You see, yeah, the like stone wound starts to spread and then it just Sucks back in and heals itself Well, that's not supposed to happen. Yeah, well, you know, isn't that goofy?

Rockley turns to the law what sort of power do they have? I thought that you were the all powerful god here No, I am they're just wacky shit, and I don't understand it. It's like it's their superpower somehow. Being absolute goons and buffoons, it somehow makes them stronger. I hate it. Kill them, Rockley. Okay. And that is going to be Nyaxtern. Sweet. Are they are Rockley and the dragons? Are they next to each other? They're within the ring. Yeah, they're all up in the mix with Onyx. All right, cool. So I'm gonna use my ability called Vali. That lets me fire up both of them. Awesome. And I'm going to do it

in a goofy way, pretending to sneeze and firing the arrow at the same time. at the same time. Uh, two! Hahaha! Bless you. What? Ah! Um, okay, so that is a 25 to hit the dragon. Wow, that hits.

And that's a nat one on Rockley. I told you we're on our team, buddy. Missed me! Rockley turns around and paths his butt, which of course shapes like two rock melons. You shouldn't have given me anything to aim at. Just stop doing that, Rockley. Cool, you're gonna make another attack? No, you only get one volley, but I will...

No, you know what? I'm not gonna dash. I'm just gonna stand right here and moon Rockley in a silly way. So you start moaning each other, seeing a lot of looks back and forth. Just, no, what is this accomplishing? So much. Uh, yes, I feel as though I'm at home.

There's a big moon and a little moon. And comforting side. Shut up, shut up. I hate that small moon too. There should only be one moon. My whole body is filled with warmth and positivity. As if I just watched one of Jens's videos. Awesome. That is 17 damage on Nalar. 17 damage.

Yeah. Nayaq, he is looking very hurt. Like, he is, uh, Charlestoning he is looking very hurt. Like, he is Charleston-ing to Death's Door. And Death has opening the door and saying, Quiddit, we're dancing on my doorstep. Stop it. It's too silly. It's too silly.

You're too silly for hell. I'm not silly. I'm not. Okay, so is that your turn? That is my turn. Niac, after your turn, you see a LAR is looking very upset. Number one that he had to summon this goofy-ass rockman. Number two that you're having a moaning battle.

Number three, just having to deal with you three loons at all. That's really put him over the edge. He's going to use all three of his legendary actions to cast double team. You see his paw glows with this turquoise light, and he slams it onto the ground, and another one of the runes appears, and a portal emerges, and you see nullar from the future slams into the garden All right Let's even the playing field a little bit, huh?

And you see they both roar and Now there are two Nullars and they're going to attack you. Oh, good. Future Nalar, tell me about the future. What have you seen? The one who is in our current timeline cannot move, has to be dancing and staying in their space, has us all this movement to dance without leaving it space.

Yes. And that one also has disadvantage on attacks. Great. Okay, thank you. So that is their legendary action. That brings it to Onyx's turn. Okay, first off, I have used two spell slots, and I did not, oh, I used three actually,

and I did not roll my social sorcerer. Cool, I want you to make three rolls real quick. Nat one. Ooh. 17 and 11. Okay, um, 17 and 11 are good posts, but Onyx, a Nat1, is a mass unfollowing. Something that you posted, maybe it was a little too much sponsored content, maybe it was a little too much gins on the feed. Oh no, did we allow a takeover? We did a feed takeover. We've really been hucking these vitamins and they are not safe.

Is anyone else sweating? I have a central full of vitamins, no one's buying them. They're called the vitamin X and they hurt my chest. Onyx, you violated the terms of service for a trinstagram it would seem. And this is weighing on you, you are going to need to take half your level d10 psychic damage. Wow, so 6 d10

Okay, how much did you take? 23 damage 23 that's it. Wow gosh Five nine one three three two. Oh, thanks You know what even at your moments, your fans still love you. Maybe they shouldn't, but they do. Okay, and then I am going to attack the dancing the lard. Don't we also have those potions that are like short rest things? Yeah.

Yeah, I was going to ask if diet sleep if that's an action or I think drinking a potion is normally an action. No, okay. Yeah, I'm just going to burn myself. But you can pop a vitamin as a bonus action. I have many extra. Oh yeah, you can take as much vitamin X as you want. 26 to hit. Yet again 25. Woo! Nice. Going to take my second attack. I quit! Woo!

Nice! That's nice. Okay, 16 plus 9, 25 plus 7. And then another 32 damage. 32 damage. When you slash into a pass Nalar, who's dancing? You see, future Nalar instantly gets hurt as well. Whoa. Hey, what are you doing?

Why are you dancing? I don't know, why are you not dancing? I don't know, I'm from the future, I don't need to dance. Just start dancing, okay? Did he also take the 57 damage? Yeah, he's from the future, so you see all the damage just appears on him as well. So if we kill this Nalar, the other one will die.

Okay, that's good. That's good, that's good to know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone focus on present Nalar. I mean, dancing Nalar. Future Nalar also looks kind of unhealthy. Just puffy around the eyes. You see future Nalar's foot starts tapping.

What are you doing to me? Stop that. We do not dance. We are the gods of Trinaville. Give in to the duets. You get really into dancing. Cool, so that's your turn? Yeah, that's my turn.

Rad, very good turn. Just so you don't know, I'll probably go down soon. Oh No, okay Um, I think that while you were attacking keychain was trying to scramble up Nellar and steal his visor so Nellars both Nellars are gonna focus all their fury on keychain. Oh no No, come after me. Don't go after that little robot, cowards! No! They'll go after the robot! Come after me! Yes! Onyx! Come after me if I push my obsidian in front of you!

Stop! He's a robot! You have a beautiful moon accord to protect. Oh, actually, you know what, jump in front of it. Just kidding. Very well. Future N'Alore, you attack the moon child. I shall attack the robot. What? What? They may be stupid, but they're also smart.

And just saying that is stupid in and of itself. I cannot have keychain die. Why? Is there a reason? Because I cannot have thatichain die Why is there a reason? Because I cannot have that on my conscience. I am a very moral person We'll do kichain first a strict moral code. I follow Genes is integrity is shaking is shaking to his core thinking that to be a good person He might actually have to make sacrifices and not just Take videos of himself being nice

Have you not noticed I make I have great integrity I guess more than Vian Naya, I guess a little bit. No, definitely not more than Naya Naya shoots an arrow out of his nose again The Nike shoots an arrow out of his nose again. First bite attack hits keychain. Then the LAR, I believe future in a LAR I said, is gonna take two swipes of keychain. That is a NAT1 and a NAT20. All right.

Very fun. You will not get my visor. We've had a decent amount of crits today, huh? Yeah. So you see, future NLR swipes into keychain. Does some serious damage to him, but keychain stands as ground. That visor will be mine. He puts five cigarettes in his mouth

and then lights them with his finger, which is a zippo So rare. So dangerous. He makes smoking look so cool Kitchen we would have kept you around if we knew he spoke this much man The landlord hates it when I smoke inside, but I don't give a freaking flip dude. Wow That's right kids if you immortal, you're allowed to smoke. Alright, now President Nalar is going to attack Onyx. Come after me. With disadvantage.

With disadvantage. I am going to roll to see if they get their breath weapon back though. Okay. That's a two. Man, I'm in. Okay, good, because I can handle the melee attack. Also, is this their turn or is this a legendary action? This is their turn.

Okay, they have to use an action to try to get out of the dance if they want to try to get out of the dance. Otherwise, there is no save for it. So, it will have to stay put if it doesn't use an action to try to get out. I will just have them continue dancing. You look at the last face and you can tell that he kind of secretly likes dancing. That's a silly dance. It's not silly, it's dignified actually.

It is a timeless dance that has existed for Aeons. And to do this dance is to honor the history of Trinavale. Whoa! He slips in a banana peel. Okay, so the first attack misses, the bite misses luckily. Okay. Second is going to hit you. That's a 26. All right, I rolled the second one and it was a net 20. So, okay, that was the disadvantage. Okay, that's disadvantage. You don't get to crit. Yes. I don't crit but it do still hit We do still hit okay now roll

Roll a d6 okay That's a two okay, you do hit me, but I'm going to use my reaction to an Drop pick ward if a creature makes an attack roll use a reaction to give it to, oh he already has disadvantage. And never mind, okay hit me then. Cool. So that's 16 damage on the first attack. And then that's a two, shout out to the two crew on the second attack.

This dancing spell sucks. Awesome. Okay. So that is both Nalar's turns and that brings us to Jins. You see that Nalar, present Nalar, prime Nalar is dancing but like with every step they take it looks like their knees are about to give out oil is leaking out of their body. You see kind of like a emerald sludge pouring out And you see that as this is happening. It's all being mirrored on future Nalar as well Well, I refuse to die in such a silly way. No, you're gonna die leaking green ooze you giant tiny-tune clock monster And then I will go ahead and make some attacks on

Passonal R. First Attack is a 24 to hit. That hits. Sweet. Cool. Just gonna do regular damage. 12 damage on the first attack. Great, great, nice. Then I'm gonna take a second attack. Ooh, shout out to the two crew. That is brutal. I don't like that. Then I'll take an off hand attack. And that's a 22 to hit. That hits, sweet.

This one I'm gonna do a mobile flourish again great Which means that the one who is dancing west to use all its movement to dance is gonna get pushed back So unless any of us go approach them. They can't attack us. Ooh Did not roll great on my damage 11 damage Jins Finish Nellars. Oh my goodness. Um, I guess I pull out my crystal.

I pull my triplets close and I look into it and I say, you know, this mad god went crazy because they were going gonna live forever. And so they thought the way to combat that was to destroy themselves and the world. But instead, we here at Vitamin X are gonna destroy them. Hashtag spawn, hashtag add. And then I pour a bunch of these toxic vitamins down their throat. You see, future Nellar is like, what's going on? What is he doing?

A second later, he starts choking, too. You're not supposed to take them all at once or one at a time, either. I hope not that many people bought these. How many of these sold onyx? I think this is not on my turn, sir. Oh, either. I hope not that many people bought these. How many of we sold Onyx? I think this is not on my turn, sir. Oh, you, oh, no, Niaq, we're in it alone. I thought this was part of the LLC. Triplets are in business together. No, no, no. The triplets are in business together. You've taught me Onyx that sometimes you need to take responsibility for other things. Have you been posting this to Classco? My Instagram?

It's uh... I reposed to the story. I figured it was fine. Oh no, I'm in trouble. It hasn't affected anything, has it? Sister? Oh, this is very bad. I thought you were just making a fool of yourself.

That not one happened for a reason. This episode of NAD pod is brought to you by Bird Dogs. They're a company that makes pants and shorts, so no matter where you fall and the age old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered. Now we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's gonna be difficult. Luckily Bird Dogs has made the decision of which pants and shorts to buy a little easier. Bird Dog stretchy khakis are designed to fit slimmer through the thigh and leg to give you a truly sculpted

look. And instead of making their clothes out of restricting cotton, Bird Dogs invented a cloud knit fabric that looks just like khaki, but stretches so you get a way slimmer fit without having to sacrifice movement. And trust me, you are going to need all the movement you can get when you and your brothers and legs are out there on the battlefield kicking the shit out of your rivals. So when the lower body battle begins and brother is forced to kick brother, make sure you are wearing bird dogs. To get yours and a free Yeti-style tumbler, go to birddogs.com slash pop-a or enter promo code pop-a at checkout. dogs. team pants and enjoy the show. Are you really honestly making a sponsored post here as you defeat me, a god?

You're filming it and selling vitamins to showcase my defeat. I'm filming this with a filter to see which friends character he is. Not Chandler, that's me. Which one am I? You, I'm sorry, you're Ross. And you need to pivot out of here. You have proven all my darkest fears. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. P a way to go. He collapses and as he collapses, you see his future self collapses a beat later and they reform into one body.

You also see that Rockley crumbles to dust. No! With his master rumbles. I loved him. So you in the funny pages. The entire garden rumbles and steam pours out from all the vents and gaps in his bronze armor until he eventually reverts back into his human form. However, unlike the last time you fought him, it seems like Nalar's power is truly depleted. Ah!

Well, my strength will return in time, but I fear for now, I'm on a break. What, why are you laughing? I fear for now I'm on a break What why are you laughing? It's just that's a thing that did you not watch friends at all? You just came up with that under a way. I mean you were offended to be rough So you must have watched in some capacity Yes, I watched friends 40,000 years ago. I don't quite remember the plot. Did you watch the later seasons?

Yeah, I like the later seasons. I like the Joey and Rachel Lovelight. And like Paul Rudd. I like Paul Rudd. I love Paul Rudd. My God. I'm a Rudd of Paul Rudd. Who doesn't like Paul Rudd?

Even I. Yeah, a spoiler's, Obsidian is only on season three. Ha ha ha. Obsidian finally delivers an eloquence alluliquy. Oh god. Tagging spoilers. Baaah!

That's all you need, Onyx. Perhaps this is just the way the world should be. My fate cannot be changed, but maybe you can change yours. With a shaky finger, he points towards the lathe on the hill in the center of the garden. Do what you must, because I'm fucking out of ideas. I-are you going to finish him off? I thought you can't truly kill me. I am doomed to forever return to strength after a defeat.

But there's nothing I can do to stop you from achieving whatever goal you came here to achieve Okay, well, I made it promise to Neathass so I will Give me to that I Reach for the crystals Can I use my butter finger BB my wish BB to Give Nellar death. Whoa Okay to give Nellar death. Whoa. Okay. Here's how the BBs work.

Are you using your BB or the special on the Nellar's gave you? Oh, I guess I only have my BB. Yes, you have your BB. Here's how that works. It is the same rules as a Cleric's divine intervention. So I need you to roll a D100. Okay, I feel like I'm going to regret this. It's a 30. A 30. You need to roll under 10% for the wish to take effect. So instead you open up your BB and just a bunch of very

poisonous spiders come out. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, these are so poisonous. If I was mortal, I would be dead so quickly, but I'm just in an extreme amount of pain. Oh my God, I'll put you out of your misery. I stab in the chest. You've listened to nothing I've said. I think we need to destroy the Generaak crystals and he will find that I punch him in the face. I punch him in the face. I stab him again.

I spit his eyes. I take the crystals up to the late creation. It still hurts every time you do it. I just can't die from it. Sorry, this is honestly Joey and Phoebe behavior and we need to be Monica in this situation. I mean, I don't even hear her right, Onyx. Or how are you doing? Let's go take care of business. All right. Could this be any worse a day?

That's, that's my shit. That's my shit. You're not a candler, Niaq, I'm sorry. Okay, so y'all are all gonna head to the lathe? Yeah, great, awesome. So you walk up this hill to the area where you saw the three trees growing into one tree and you see in the center on this raised golden platform,

a simple iron cauldron with a crust of modern technology seemingly growing on top of it. Dials and monitors display inscrutable readouts while below a tangle of tubes and cords thrums with arcane power. As you peer inside the cauldron, your head begins to hurt and your vision flashes white. What do you do? With the permission of my driplets, I just drop all of the crystals into it. Unless perhaps one of you would suggest something more, you know, elegant. No, I think we should drop them in. Okay, I dropped them in. So worried they were going to try and alley-oop them in or something stupid like that. We should have

alley-ooped. No, this is a solemn moment. Unlike the world you created, we understand that there are moments of gravity. I'm a very serious person. Call me Monix. I've created a monster, a world full of monsters designed to mock me. Oh! A spider bite to face. Cool, so you place all of the crystals into this lathe, and as soon as you do, beams of colored light shoot forth towards the ceiling. The beams unite and become a pillar of radiant gold, which blasts forth from the cauldron like rocket fire. The lathe shakes and screeches as thousands of years of compressed divine energy are broken

down and restored to their primal form. The heat becomes unbearable, and right at the moment when you think your skin might catch fire, it stabilizes. You can still feel energy coming off the pillar, but it seems different now. Less like fire, and more like a a giant constant plume of golden smoke. As it billows forth, you hear a low ambient noise that slowly builds until it becomes a voice. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe in. Breathe in and find what you see.

I take out my hookah, bottle it and breathe it in. Yeah, let's, let's huff this strange God smoke. Nyaqu is actually super anti-smoking but I guess I'll do it for this right now. After everything I saw from Keach and I mean smoking is cool. Let's rip some piss of God juice. Let's get faded baby. Keachchain takes a massive toke from your hookah. Dang, doesn't work on robots. Guess I'll stand guard. You kids have fun, appreciate it.

I will be the DD. That stands for, damn dude, look at how many cigarettes are in your mouth. Okay. Awesome, so you're all gonna breathe it in? Yeah. Cool. You breathe in this column of vapor, and as you do, your minds are instantly transported

back in time to the founding of Gennarack. As you might recall, the Gennarack crystals were given a spark of power by the gods, but their true power comes from the collective memories and experiences of all the people that exist within their aura. And now as you breathe in these divine fumes, you experience the entire history of the continent almost simultaneously. In the blink of an eye, you see the Trine placing these crystals in the heart of five cities across Ginnarach.

Then from their central palace in Draxbond Mountain, they board sleek, silver ships bound for the stars. You blink again. You see the aspects of Nadas, each assigned to a different city, ruling in the gods absence. Eventually, they wage war against each other and fight for control of the crystals. Another blink. The gods have returned from their sojourns, and each has been changed by the journey. You see Leont gathering forces of orcs and dragonborns to lead into war. Nalar surrounded by gnomes and halflings, crafting the god-killing device you saw on

his mansion on Vayna-lar. Last, you see N, praying over the crystals. They seem to be implanting some kind of spell in them, and their face looks pained, as if casting this spell is taking a huge amount of their godly power. One last blink. 1. Last Blink You see soldiers of every banner gathering around Mount Draxbond. The final day of the Artifice Wars has arrived. Inside the mountain you see the gods gathered, ignoring Nadasa's protests, Nalar powers up the celestial guillotine,

in a beam of penta-colored light blasts directly into his chest. As Nadasa screams, Nalar closes his eyes, ready to accept his end. But then something else happens. Stone begins to creep up Nalar. I-I can't let you die! Why? Is-is this about magic? Do you really love magic so much? No, I-I don't care about magic. I-I don't care. I'm sorry, Nalar. I-I can't let you die. Why? Is-is this about magic? Do you really love magic so much?

No, I don't care about magic. I love... Nados pauses. In that moment you hear a loud crash and you see Leont has started dismantling the guillotine. You traitor! Once I stop this machine we'll see how immortal you really are. Huh? Nadas reaches out their hand in shock. Leon, no, don't touch that!

As soon as Leon's hand touches the crystal, the same stones begin to creep out from her arm. She tries to drop the crystal, but her hand is already frozen in a fist around it. Slowly her entire body becomes covered in stone. Nitas, what is this? What have you done? Her voice stops, and she becomes a statue. Nitas turns back to Nalar, who is still recovering from the Giyatine's blast.

What? What did you do to her? Don't worry. She's still alive, just... stalled. Dormant. I didn't want it to come to this, but... but you left me no choice. I won't let you throw away everything we've built together. No matter how silly it can be sometimes. Nidhas lifts their arm.

The crystals began to shake, been wrench-free of the guillotine, and hover at their side. I thought that if I gave you some time you'd come to your senses, please, please understand, I'm doing this for you! The crystals fly into different positions around the Lars body, preparing to strike and infect him. Niddaas lowers their hand and the crystals descend. But at the last moment, Niddaas flash green, and he yells. No! Four portals flicker into existence, and the crystals are fired through.

Nellar's screams. You fool! You can't split a teleport spell! You just sent those crystals to random location! You'll never find them again! Ah! A blast of Emerald Energy floors Nadas. Shakily they look up to see Nalar summoning one last portal. And you'll never find me. Good bye Nadas.

Nalar heaves himself through the portal, leaving the gravely injured Nadas to weep in silence. Blink. 300 years pass, you see the crystals being rediscovered, hidden, fought over, lost, and discovered again. Eventually, they all end up in your possession. You feel ghosts of your past, coming towards you, as the vision catches up to the present. And at the exact moment it does, you hear a voice. At long last, we are free. Thank you, brave triplets.

Who? Are you? We have many names. Heaven's hand. Magic. The golden presence. You may call us what you desire. The little crystal buddies. I was going to say friends. Perhaps crystal friends. That sounds good. Indeed.

That sounds good. Indeed, henceforth we shall be known as the Crystal Friends. Here now is the truth of our existence. If the trine of the divine body, then we are its holy blood. We flow through the trine and grant them their power. When we were first made, we had no mind of our own. But as the trine used us to create new lands and life to populate it, our power grew, and eventually we became aware. And much like the blood in your veins, our cells, since danger, we felt the gods despair

and sought to save them from themselves. And so we reached out into the minds of the races of Trinavale and prepared a method for our power to grow. By extending our consciousness in this way, groups began to whisper of our existence, before we were known as the little crystal friends. They called us the hidden God, the secret eye that will open and gaze upon the world

with radiant benevolence. The golden iris, but that name is pass. Please, brave friends, for too long we, the little crystal friends have felt the pain of the gods. You must help us, help us to heal them and heal this world. You feel this warm golden aura surrounding you, making you feel inspired and protected at the same time. Still yourself, but just with an extra edge of awareness. Benevolently edged, one might say. Okay, oh, it's strange. But never only etched one might say. Huh. Okay.

Oh, it's strange. Suddenly I'm realizing that maybe if I'm recording it and putting it on the internet to get attention, then maybe I'm not really doing something good at all. It's not just to get attention, brother. It's to sell vitamins as well. Ha ha ha. Yeah, I got the impression it wasn't about the attention as much as it was the money. I mean, it was about the attention, but also more so about the money. Also, all of the

above. Yeah, the cash was good. I guess I've never been able to tell which you love more attention or money. I love it all. I have a great lust for life. I love all aspects of life, whether it be attention or money, people doing things for me. Yeah. And that love, albeit twisted, is why you are perfect to save this world. How do we heal the gods? We shall show you. We heal the gods. We shall show you. As you hear those words, you're suddenly back in the garden standing around the lathe of creation. The smoke from the crystals begins to fade, and as the last remaining wisps caress your

face, you realize that now you can see inside the cauldron. Sitting in the center of the basin, surrounded by sparkling ash, is a large golden egg. It's etched with beautiful runes that twist and change as you look at them. beautiful runes that twist and change as you look at them. Onyx. For some reason, it feels like you should grab this egg. You're smarter than me. I'm realizing in my divine. That is,'s the smartest thing. Jens is ever said

I don't I mean I cannot verify if that is true. I'm just a simple girl from the moon But I will give it a shot a I go to pick up the Rune covered egg Give me a strict check. Whoa, it's strength. I have plus zero to strength. I'll give you a party of expression. Okay. What do I add? Is that a D 10? Oh, yeah. 15. 15? You're not strong enough to pick it up on your own. I need more help. Odics.

Key, Keychain. I think I smoked too many cigarettes. I did not think it was possible. Cough, cough, cough, cough, cough. All right, let's help her out. I'm going to toss my cookies. Is there a basin anywhere that I could puke into? Oh, not this one.

Keychain, get back in the keychain. You're unnecessary now. Ha, ha, ha. Oh, you put keychain back into keychain form. and then are you all going to try and pick up the egg? Yes. Yeah. Awesome.

So you all three touch the egg and as soon as you do, you hear the hidden God or as they are now known, the little crystal friends. Speak in your mind. A flame split in twain that burns twice as bright, a garland of stars that bestows graceful might, and a jeweled tinkers tool that knows wrong from right. When these relics gather, a new God comes to light. Down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down.

I think we must find these relics. It's like you're always stuck in second here. It hasn't been your day or month, but perhaps now is your year. Wow. Sounds like we need one thing from each of the current gods. I say that of course as the Rachel of the group, I love things. So materialistic. Do you wonder, I mean, these mortals became gods and it seemed as though they all regretted it. It seems like a strange thing to take lightly, creating a new god. I mean, I agree that we should find this. And just it's just a conversation we should keep having. We just... Classic Monica, and that's why we appreciate you as part of our dynamic, Monix.

And I of course am Genstrel. And I am Chan Yac. And you are a Niaq being. No, I just want to go work at the advertising agency. That's all I want to do. Okay, so. I love that season.

Is there anything from, so this was a clockwork dragon. I wonder if Nalar has tinker tools or flame. Nalar, do you have something that can tell wrong from right? Not anymore, he doesn't. He's, oh, you, You're alive? That's you. You turn towards Nalar and as you do you're here laughter. I simply must say y'all continue to surprise me. Standing above Nalar you see a very wet, very dead mercurio delurio.

He puts his boot on Nalar's face. But you're wet and dead. It's not an ideal state of being I must agree, but trust me, it is only temporary. I was eager to get my hands on those crystals, but I think the power contained within his holiness will serve as a more than suitable replacement. So I must thank you, adequately, for your gift wrapping. You're welcome. I just buy some of my brother's vitamins and that should-

I'm not selling the vitamins anymore. We're going with the friends thing. Oh, right. And that is where we will end our session. Wow. He's with and dead and alive. You're gonna have to explain that shit. He's with and dead. He's wet dead and back baby redemption rock star games presents wet dead redemption

Oh my goodness whew what a soda, what a wamping. We have witnessed, I did not even get to use one of my cool abilities. Don't tell us about it. Tell the short rest, man. We don't want to tell you about it. We'll tell you about it so bad. Tell us on the short rest, baby.

Yeah, you can listen to that over on patreon.com slash nad pod that's NADD, DDP, we don't see everything. Whoa, I tried too, I wanted to. I wanted to. No, I'm sing everything. Don't do it. I do, I want it to. No, I'm a widow. Don't do it. They're the nation. Oh, she's just doing it.

She's just disrespecting you. We are. All right, all right. You thought the name. I know you want to sing. I know you want to sing. We kind of got through the whole thing too. You simply must stop.

I want to sing. But we have to sing the praises of the beautiful people that deserve shoutouts for helping make Trinneville what it is. They are, they are. The youth of nation. That was to lead into you. Okay, everybody. I'm talking of course about Henry A.

who gave me a D&D Beyond subscription, which I have used to craft lots of encounters. Sometimes they're homebrew and sometimes they don't work as well as I wish they did. But you try and you try again. Also Yens Christian T for composing some of the music you heard in this episode. Yens also has a cool golden egg, but they just use it to make infinite omelets. That's honestly cooler than any other

ag haha debatable but probably true uh... i would also like to get a shout out of course to Trevor lion uh... at lion at large on twitter that's line with a why who is our producer and daniel ramos who is our sound engineer you can find them at shubard on instagram and DanielRamos.com for more of his work. And of course, my last shout out goes to my three beautiful nieces and nephews.

Thank you once again for a fun adventure. Thank you, Donkey. Thank you, Donkey. Any time. If you would like to follow them on Twitter, you can do that by going to at CHMurf, that's Murf, at eAXFord, that's Emily, at J. Kerwitz, that's Jake, and at call the is me, and you can tweet about the show using hashtag NADPOD, that's in a DDPOD. Now I know you've all been so desperate to sing, but it is so, so late at night, and my

neighbors are very upset with me, but I guess maybe just this once we could do it. Woo! We are, we are! The youth of the we could do it. Woo! We are We Are! The youth of the nation! Youth of the nation! We are We Are! Youth of the nation! One of our worst crimes. That was perfect. Ah, it is time to thank our benevolent council of elders.

I'm talking about you, Jeffrey S. Andrew M. Beardman, Dan Brad D. Cutter W. and Danielle, the Dastardly Dame. Otherwise known as other rock monsters that were hiding in the Trine Tower Garden, some look like corn, others look like eggplants, regardless of their shape, Nellar hates them all equally. Ouch. Danny P. Dillon B. Alainacy, Haldor Frostback, Steelbreaker, John S. aka Shubberth Mushroom, artist working on a wacky animated kid show about Nalar who is now making it his immortal life's work to get the project cancelled. Jordan DJ Scott D. Adam R. Michael McDee, the head mixologist, Victor T. Ballinor's boy

and Jive G. Instructors at NIACS, new erotic archery and fitness center whose motto is, you bring the arrows, will make you quiver. Despite only being only open for two days they have already amassed over 400 lawsuits. Wow, congrats gang. Justin, I, Elena M. Jacob C. Damial, R, and Cyborg version of Josh the Colbold. Josh the Colbold. Also of course, TJ M. the Noem Barbarian would never, and could never forget you. Jen's monetized positivity street team

that go around performing random acts of kindness like feeding vitamin X to old ladies crossing the street and filling a stranger's gas tank with vitamin X. So random, so kind, Vitamin X style. Destiny C, Traile the Crafe, Christian H. Cerzio, Sadas Arsara, Monsacada, Estesduani, Kelvin Nudils, and Michael L.A. clan of Trinavillion, Pog, Goblins, these feisty creatures

just love playing with Pogs. They also love stealing the first born son of local villagers, but only so they can trade them for dope-ass holographic slammers, Pog-on-pals, Pog-on. Richard, X-Machina, Trastotraffler, Jory S, and Ryan, a team of doctors and mechanics who are studying keychained to try to figure out how exactly a robot was able to get emphysema. Oh, poor guy. Troy Mixy, Mike H. Nicholas C, Sam L, and Samuel B, new members of the Golden Iris Society. Their job is to prune Onyx's dryads, mothers unruly, vines and branches.

It is a tough job, but it pays well, and you get all the free mongrapes that you can eat. Zolo Dolo, Austin MR, Gage M, Colton B, Curtis S, and Yens Christian T, a group of clockwork dragons that have gone digital, baby, that is right. They've got neon eyes and their roar sounds like an alarm clock. That is actually horrifying. Matthew E. Andrew B. Reese NS. Eric and Andrea B. Kaley E. and Jordan L. curators of a stash of equally tasteful, nomish pornography that Onyx would love to get her hands on. Matt M. Barnes and Adir, C.C. Lulu, Jared E. J. and Talith X. A team of champions who stick together and also slip together. Who needs

a little slip inside when you can all cast Greece? Christian Christopher, excuse me, Christopher B, Dana G, Joe Mick G, Persephone N, Aiden R, H, and Austin C, the artist who painted the murals leading up to the late of creation. Nice work. It was actually a publicly funded city beautification initiative. The Perifera has an inspiring amount of publicly funded arts. You'll love to see it. Genoa B, Eric G, Aaron S, Lucas B, Luke H and Timmy R, the federal trade commissions, currently investigating

the vitamins, Jen's has been peddling, uh-oh, Jen's. Should be scared, but he is honestly just grateful for the follows. Zach C. Devon W. Michelle O. Dan and Caleb L. The Crabster Union Yikes lobbying for the right to be as terrifying to Jake as they want to be nice. Very good thanks a lot. Umri M. Maxwell C. Mike K. Stephen C. and Nikki W. A couple of clockwork, dragon wormlings who are mistaken for wristwatches and are currently being sold at a burgdorf goodman as Rolex as well. That's kind of cool, kind of an upgrade for you guys. Grace G, Karranty, Shane B, Kevin M, Mateo C, and Rahul.

And Mercurios undead Murfolk buddies, hang out in Blake Cards under the sea. Mercurio's man cave even has a Kagerator. Rat. Maribel the Kitty Morphing gnome angel B Esmi M. I am the atlas Michael C. Nicholas P. The Clockwork Dragons other vegetable rock minions. These ones have much less clever names like Pebblebeath and Ignis Tomato. Robert F. Kristen P. Atticus C. Kazmir, the all-knowing and meta amps.

A crew of adventurers who are fighting the future Nalar while Retrieval team 22 was fighting Pasnalar. They are pissed that they didn't get to finish the clockwork dragon off, so they're going to travel back in time and kill an even younger version, sparking a time travel off with Retrieval team 22. Uh oh. Chris R. Michael K. M. Panama James, Eric McDee, Nathaniel P. and Nick B. The lar's fellow dragon steampunk enthusiast, the attend steampunk dragon con, which is a steampunk version of dragon con, as well as a dragon steampunk con, they attend steampunk dragon con which is a steampunk version of dragon con as well as a dragon steampunk con, a con for steampunk dragons oh my god that broke my brain.

Nick L Jack L Y Grec 32 temporal burlety and christian A the cast of trinnavale's friends, we won't tell you which one is the Ross because we don't want to upset anyone, but we will tell you that Burlety is the Phoebe, great, great friend. J. Dragonborn, Jonathan O. Michael M. The Red Rain, and Drew Nasty. No Lars childhood friend who sparked their hate for silliness by constantly goofing them with whoopee cushions and rubber chickens. No! K. J. Hordeaux Faux, Hordeaux Faux, Dave H. Feldonis, a crew of best buds who will never meet each other, because Nellars' time travel breath weapon manipulated their timeline. Oh, fuck. Grant, Adrian, the Halfling Bard, Eric B. John H, and Adam G, stars of the Trinavale sitcom

Pellz. It follows the popular American sitcom Friends in the Thursday night lineup and has almost a 100% drop off rate. Nihorik, Nick W. Ryan W. Axel, a Stefanie, Koo, and Christian S, owners of a competitive vineyard to Lumiere vineyards. It's located on the big moons and they are trolling Onyx's family by calling their vineyard big Lumiere vineyards. Ow, that one hurts. David T. Catherine S. Shadow Ben A. Douglass A, a group of erotic archers, turns out Niantic was not the first one, but is the archery erotic archers turns out Nayak was not the first one, but is the archery erotic or are the

archers the erotic ones the lines are blurred and we may never know Nathan big bad John Brittany B Emilio D and Frankie Koala a group of horses who all have the same voices obsidian I'm talking about maaaaaaah! Same voice no magical mun, so they, oh you know what, they do have a redeeming quality. They all have super smooth mains, isn't that nice? Keith K, the undead incinerator, Felix F, David K, and pipes, H, Blavins, bartenders. Normally you don't need a whole entire team to keep you satiated, but these folks also are responsible for salting Blavins, Margaritas, and carrying him home.

Richard J. M. Aston as Cody C. Fattie Daddy 187, John McM, and Christina B, the group of clockwork dragon folk. Wow, not quite a full clockwork dragon, but more just a group of folks who wear and pay way too much attention to their fit bits. Marlo E. Rafael O. Sir, Cadvan, The Send-Ran, Chanel, M, Alice, and Depressed Demon Hunter. Also, of course, Patrick B. Cannot forget Patrick B and I never will again. They are all dunkel, called well's deases and deaf use. We love

you, and it is a joy to have you in the damily. Thanks, folks. you in the damily. Thanks folks!