Not Another D&D Podcast - Trinyvale - Ep. 21: Plaintiffs & Paramours

Episode Date: July 17, 2020

Summoned to the Gnomelands in search of the final Divine Relic, the Trinyvale Triplets find themselves on trial for a curious crime from their collective past. Jens goes for the gold, Nyack becomes a gumshoe & Onyx reaches a breaking point as the PENULTIMATE chapter of the Trinyvale Adventure unfolds!Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!CREDITS:Audio Production by Trevor Lyon (@LyonatLarge)Sound Design & Engineering by Daniel Ramos (@Schubirds on Twitter & @Dr.Schubird on IG) and Kei Matsuo (@Nightsharkss on Twitter).MUSIC:"Trinyvale Intro and Outro" by Emily Axford“City in the Clouds” by Emily Axford“Where the Mountain Meets the Sky” by Emily Axford "Road to Silverado" by Daniel Ramos"The Wisdom of Neddas" by Jens Christian Tvilum"Moonsick" by Jens Christian TvilumSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Oh, my little drummer, boys and girls. Here they come. Playing a delightful tune. Welcome you to this world. Purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple,

purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple,

purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple, purple The Bump Bump Bump The Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump city. Oh my god. It's a true adventurers paradise. Today's story begins in the glitzy city of Ilavas, where the Trinaville triplets have danced their way into the hearts of high society. However, while they raise their glasses to Prince Aster and feast on St. Arbananas Foster, their friend Keith stuck in negotiations with the silver-haired children of the Nomech Queen, finds he has no cause for similar celebration. Can Onyx and her brothers help save her little Appuition lover, or has the situation reach the point of Nome return?

Only time will tell, and so, without further ado, let's rejoin. Retrieval team 22 and begin chapter 21 of the Trinaville adventure. Woohoo! Rumpa pom pom. Rumpa pom pom. Can't stress enough that Jesus is real in this world. But Jesus is just an aspect of Nadas, right? No, just a normal guy. Maybe, maybe one day is Triniville, a prequel to earth. Before, before, before Christ. Yes, much before Christ. There are dinosaurs. You just haven't

seen them. That's why they call this the BBC. Oh, that makes no sense. Hello, friends. And welcome back to the table. I am your dungeon master, AKA dunkel called Voltaaner, and I am joined by Jen's Lindell, former Prince Pricker, future Prince liquor. Oh, I'm going to sleep my way to the top. That's right. I'm going for the prince. I did not see that twist. Wow, wait, the prince,

the prince is like a 50 year old man, right? Yeah, he's 46, I believe. Right. In the clear. Jensen's going for it. All right, so it shoots your shot, man. I support it, I support this. We'll do some prison roles in just a bit,

but for now, who's next? Okay. Annex Lumiere, defender of the robot and slayer of the clockwork despot. Whoa, very good decimal. I took maybe some liberties with the pronunciation of some of those. There is precedent. Recibo. I took maybe some liberties with the pronunciation of some of those.

There is precedent. I think it's actually Robo and Despo, that's still the rhyme would still work. Desipot can't finish a salad or feel valid, Naya of the Ranafort. We're good reason. Wow, we oh no, I just remembered what happened You're gonna have to be more specific which part where I threw up in our durf I Remember Niax conscore last Niax created bread from nothing and then I tried to wish it better with a BZ, but it was too risky. I got minus one to Constitution now. I hate it.

Okay, so I know that we need to see if Jens has a future with the Prince or if they are just friends. But first, how about a quick recap of what happened last time? Let's do it! That sounds delicious! Fantastic! Alright! So, when last we met, you three received a call from Blavin Blanford, letting you know

he had discovered the location of the second divine relic, a garland of stars, aka the Starland. The Starland? Mmm! Fearing the line might be tapped, Blavin told you to meet him in the high Elven city of Ilvas, and so you hopped on another totally unnecessary airplane flight and made your way to Jinsa's homeland. Once there, Blavyn revealed that the Starland is actually the crown given to the future

high king on the day they come of age. Blavyn further revealed that this crown was going to be bestowed upon Prince Aster by his fathers at a coronation ceremony later that evening. Jins then reminded everyone that Prince Aster was the titular prince that he pricked one year ago that got him banned from the city and suggested that they exercise extreme caution upon entering. And so, using a combination of Dimension Door, Thunder Step, and one very horny moonicorn, you four major way into the dome of Nadas.

Once inside, you try to fit in with the rest of the crowd, but instantly pissed off a war-forged robot named Jeff Bridges. You pissed him off so bad you almost blew your cover. Afterwards, however, the King's royal advisor came out to announce the beginning of the festivities, and Jen's quickly realized that the advisor was none other than his super-solid childhood friend, Rebecca. You quickly rendez-food with her and very swettily explained that you needed to touch the princess crown to your big golden egg.

Rebecca, as is her nature, agreed to do you all a solid and put in a good word. She then began the ceremony, during which the two kings combined their crowns into one and bestowed some of the essence of Nadas that flowed through them into their son, who was revealed to not actually be a child, but in fact a 46-year-old Elvish man. After the ceremony, several patrons brought gifts to the prince, including the war-forged robot, who was tossed in the dungeon for bringing the prince a cardinal of normal eggs. Feeling bad about the robot's plight, Keychained volunteered to spring him from jail. You three then seized your chance to speak with Astor and Jens, instead of offering him

the egg as a gift, begged for his forgiveness and offered to do another dance to make amends. At Rebecca's urging, the prince agreed and you three proceeded to absolutely bring the house down with an amazing, grease-covered, eldritch-blasted dance spectacular. While you danced, however, Keychain discovered that the guards who had taken Jeff Bridges to the dungeon were actually undercover agents of coin. Using his arcane chomp, he kept the villains at bay until you finished your dance. Inspired by your performance, the prince then forgave Jens and offered to grant any request you might have.

You three were then able to touch the egg to the Starland Crown, cracking it further and growing ever closer to awakening the hidden god. As a show of confidence, the prince also bestowed a sliver of Nadasa's essence upon Jens and then free Jeff Bridges from his prison. The traitorous guards were also apprehended, and Rebecca was made into Ilavas' newest prime minister, all in all, a pretty solid day. And that is where we are now. All right.

You know, she's a tough hang, but she's solid. And that's why she's our work friend. What does that mean to be a tough hang? It's like, she's kind of just a tough hang. A pill battle, a slog. Yeah, I just kind of want to know a little more, but about what that means. We just don't have a lot to talk about.

OK, I see. So maybe is it possible that you're the tough hang? Nayak, what is what is on it saying right now? Nayak pauses for 10 seconds and says impossible. Not likely. Okay, yeah, I just felt like we should maybe explore two sides of this story, but yeah, no, I agree. It's our fault. You know, when there's like three people who hang out a lot and like usually like two of them are better friends and there's one that's like if you had to be alone with that person, it would be like a lot. You see Rebecca comes over and says, it is true.

One time, Jins and I went to the movie alone and it was super weird. See? Kind of a tough, kind of a tough hang. But she's great. Yeah, she made me pretty uncomfortable just now. Like, we were talking about her and I was thinking. She's standing right behind you now. Okay.

So solid that she just hears us talking shit about her and she's cool with it. That's just the level of solidness we're talking about here. I understand. Wow. It would be weird if you liked every aspect of my personality. Yep. Wow.

A deep understanding for the complication that is socializing. And yet it's weird to talk about out loud. Yeah, a bit, yes. Anyway. Anyways, I'm gonna go somewhere else because wow. Onyx wanders away. Jins, did you wanna try and roll a Christmasy?

How the princess feel about you. Yeah, I guess I'll say a princess. There um listen. I know You know birthday party a lot of people around and everything but if you ever wanted to just hang out one-on-one because I'm very into this whole money and Influence thing that you've got going on. Oh, you like money, yes? Yes, the way you talk is incredible.

I have so much money. Perhaps you would like to come and see my monies. I would love to someday just come and see your money. Do you want to go on a date or we just look at all your money? Onix is watching this and realizes now why Jen's pitties her relationship with Katie. It's going to roll out persuasion with advantage. Okay. 27.

Oh wow. Hey, let's get out of here, huh? Cool, yeah, let's go look at all your money. That sounds awesome. Very well. You two ride off on miniature ponies towards one of his mini vaults. While they're riding the miniature ponies,

can I dismiss the spell? I'm for them like I did it on accident, but kind of just out of curiosity Jens is fully thinking about going towards a vault of money as fully rock hard it breaks his boner as What's wrong? Ah, nothing's okay. Everything's fine Well good here everything's good to go you Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no blushes, and, um, I think as he grabs his hand, he looks at it. I've never seen a hand so smooth from so little work. You truly must be so, so rich. I, I use over 100 tinctures and oils and lotions every day each of them cost $1,000 individually.

That's so wasteful. And I like to dip him. And what gents is imagining is like this like beautiful moment of people coming together. I dip him and go to kiss him while I imagine people are just booing around him. What do you say we get out of here and go look at my money? I would love nothing more. That's awesome. He kisses you back and you spend the evening rolling around in his money pit Niak, what are you and Onyx do at the party after Jin's dips?

First I say it looks like that prince will be pricked again I'm done. Niack, I'm telling you this is your day you have had so many good one-liners this is so good. I think it's because I've thrown up everything that's inside me and I had a sip of wine. I'm feeling very socially lubricated like I could even right now I could even talk to Rebecca. I really feel like I could just like hang with anyone. I mean, why don't you do a talk to Rebecca then? I don't want to do that. I was just saying like I could. Okay, no, I get that. I kind of, I was like, get me out of this situation

as soon as possible. Yeah, absolutely, no way. Totally. Yeah, what should, what should we do, Anax? I mean, I'm down to just get absolutely trashed, you know? And maybe look for the guards that were, you know, being operated by coin and just, you know, get them to get rid of their parasites or maybe just going to give them a light beating.

That sounds awesome. How do I, how can I get drunk? How do you get drunk? Oh! How do you do that? Okay. Well, do you have a favorite drink to be drinking? I had a sip of wine at the party and that was that was okay. Did it sit okay? Okay, then you go I went through up a little bit So I think maybe there could maybe something else. I don't know So you take that sip that you took and then you do it a bunch more times. A couple more times. We're probably more than a couple, but yeah, you just kind of build a pile of

sips in your stomach. Nayaq pours a bottle of wine down. Roll a constitution, save. Can I give him a help, the hellback? Yeah. Like I'm holding his mullet back even though I'm mullet naturally holds itself back. Yeah, but it's a good handhold for sure.

You can really get your hands on a mullet. Or you can hold onto a silver rat tail. Yeah. All right, so I get the bandit. Yeah. With advance, you're going to shake your head, mull like that. Well, it's a nine I rolled the nine okay I rolled a 10 but I got a nine with advantage I

rolled a nine and and that would have been an eight so with advantage I rolled a nine and a 10 I mean in this instance rolling a nine is good because it means your drunk as hell and that was your goal. That's good. Yeah. Yeah, so you were absolutely toasted. You head down to the dungeon in this domed building, and you do see the two guards of coin in prison in a jail cell. And you want to go just beat the shit out of them? I was thinking, I mean, we could just kind of ask them, like, what did they send you for?

Yeah, man, what a fuck that is thank you for, to come here for, man. Oh, you're so much more eloquent. I push Niac in front of me to lead this conversation. I talk to a wall right next to these guys. What the fuck in bra you here in the first place, friends? You see that the minions of coin are surprisingly intimidated by an Iax tactic. Oh.

He's not even talking directly to us. Oh, he's good. He's so not afraid of you that he got absolutely trashed before he came to duck to you. All right, fine. We'll tell you everything. OK. We were sent here by cash. Oh, so the name did stick the name stuck

He kind of digs it. Yes, the name is absolutely sticking it's catching on he actually Instructed that if we don't call him cash he would instantly execute us. Okay is Spelling the with the dollar sign for the S Absolutely, absolutely yes. Thank you so much. Thank you. I fall on the ground laughing That actually was all the until I wanted Skitting we were going to tell you what we were going to do with the kings but sure Okay, yeah, I have unto no more. Well, we had a a dimi plane spell built into a machine We were essentially going to build a sniper rifle with a demi plane spell

baked into it and fired at the kings thus creating a portal with two doors and then the other minions of coin would open the door on the other side of the portal and pull the kings through so that coin could absorb their essence from a safe distance. Ah, and I have no going to prefer, you know, guards, but he is also into just eating general royalty. Well, no, you see the kings have the essence of Nadas and them as well. Ah. They are both the aspects of tact. Oh.

Yes. Are they okay? The King's lineage has passed down the essence of Nadas from King to King, and they have served as the aspect of tact for generations. I see. And that was the ceremony you saw earlier tonight, was them passing their essence down to their son. One day, when they die, he will inherit their full essence and become the new aspect.

Does this mean? You see the guard turns the other guard and says, should I keep talking? I feel like I've told them quite a lot. Yeah, keep talking, you business. Oh God, do it every says, do it every says. Yeah, maybe just give us now some personal embarrassing information that you never wanted anyone to know. Oh, yes. I love shitting in urinals.

I just love it. Okay. Wow. You see the other guy turns to him and is like, what? Onyx wanders. Oh, my. I put my arm around to men. I say, you know, I actually puked in that year.

He looks you dead in the eye and says, we're not the same. So the rest of the night is an absolute blur. You all meet up at Blavans Hotel room that he's been camping out in the next day. Absolutely hung over. Jins, I imagine you're up early with a glow on your face, cooking breakfast for the gang. Yeah, I wake up early. What's up everybody?

I'm going to be a king. Oh, okay, and that means something to you? Oh, my head. Yeah, why wouldn't it? Get just getting to boss people around. Are you kidding me? No, she's curious. I'm so happy for you, brother.

It's everything you've ever looked for in a lover, wealth. This is huge. This is enormous. Yes, money, money and power. Amazing. It's incredible. Are you not understanding something? I'm so confused. I'm understanding perfectly, though. I think this's incredible. Are you not understanding something? I'm so confused.

I'm understanding perfectly, though. I think this is incredible. I want to give you a hug, brother. I just think Onyx thinks I'm a tough hang. What? Onyx? Oh, I'm sorry. I'm pondered away.

I'm pondered away. I'm pondered away. I'm pondered away. I'm pondered away. I'm pondered away. You see a golden robot swan flies in through the window with a basket of pastries and gold for gins Well, it says exo exo aster last night was fun. This is so embarrassing. I'm so rich now Do you guys want any of this stuff? That'll really?

No, my rent is paid for, so I actually have no material needs. I'll take the golden swan. Katie? Katie, do you want a crescent? Yes, I will take one golden robot swan. Yes, thank you for asking. OK. Katie actually can't have any.

I punch gems. I kick gems in the back of his knee. Hey, follow her. Brother, do you want to save the note? Do you want to write back to the king? Why would I... What? I'm so sorry.

I'm just confused. Well, because he wrote you a letter, brother. So he likes it. So he likes it. You see that the note is actually magic and there's a dot, dot, dot that appears on it and then up to anything today, question mark? Yeah, I'm busy.

I don't ever stop. Brother, he's corresponding. He's going, right, and when I decide to come back to the city, I will be, you know, like, we'll hook up again. I don't know. So maybe say that brother. I'll get to stay in the castle he's waiting for a response if you want to be the king you may need to be a little more

straightforward and available to this person oh my god do you think there would be that much responsibility heavy heavy is the head I think yeah when you are a partner of someone there are many expectations you you know, emotional needs, even just physically being there sometimes. I mean, there's just many responsibilities that come. Did you learn this from Katie? I'm currently braiding Katie's hair. Yeah, I mean, you know, there's something is...

Make it not stiter! Okay, I make it stiter, yeah. Okay, I hear you. You're so pretty. Thank you. This knot is not French. This needs to be a French knot. Okay, I'm so sorry, regular. I did a farmer's braid, but you on the French braid, I see, okay.

So while you munch on pastries and braid Katie's hair, and Nyak, I guess you kind of just hug the toilet. I think I also just keep like saying that the French braid isn't good just so I can redo it again. Just touch your hair a little longer. So you make it through a few variations of this braid and then eventually your phone starts to buzz. This time the number is not unlisted. It is a call from Keith. Yeah, I think this is for you, Jens.

Oh, Jens catch it. Oh, I'm sorry. You were saying something about how if you want to be in a relationship, then you need to like be responsible and like caring for somebody else. Yeah, but I was also saying something about, you know, being really explicit, you know, sort of like if no one has to say that you're

really explicit, so if you wanna break up with me and you can break up with me. You can break up with me. You can break up with me. And I'm really just, obviously that would be that death now on a relationship if your mom approves of it. I'll get the phone.

Oh, hi Keith. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not Keith. Oh, hi, Keith. Oh, hi, Keith. Oh, Keith. Oh, There is she in the shower perhaps or something? She is near the shower. Okay. She's wandered away. She's close by it.

But I can chat. I'm around. Well, yes, this really can't wait. So you'll have to relay the information. I'm afraid I have good news and bad news. Okay, hit me with the good news and let's save the bad news for another time. Well, the other time we'll have to be directly after the good news I'm afraid. They are kind of related.

Oh, that's unfortunate. Okay, back to back then. So sassy over the phone. So the good news is I've located the Jewel Tinkers tool, referenced in the Hidden Gods Riddle. Amazing. I believe it refers to a magical gavel used in high profile court cases, in fact. Okay, I put it on speakerphone.

Just for everybody. Can everyone hear me? Is this good? I didn't tell Keith he was on speakerphone. I'm still madly talking to Onyx about Keith. Just creating more chaos in the room. I'm just saying what I have with the princess totally different than what you have with Keith.

Okay, I know. I agree. I understand that. Okay, look, I may not commit minutes. Okay, I have my feeling okay? Look, I may not commit minutes, okay, of my feeling stray. Oh shit. I put that on speakerphone. Anyway, the bad news. Well, it seems like there's a lot of news today, but the bad news I was referring to is, um, news today, but the bad news I was referring to is um you've been summoned to appear in the very court that the magic gavill presides over and you must now stand trial for the crime of murdering

the queen of gnomes. Oh, I had nothing to do with that. See, this is why you can't get in too deep. do with that. See, this is why you can't get in too deep. You know what I mean? Unfortunately, on Ex-Ur-Untrial and Jins-Ur-Nayek are untrial as accomplices as well. Oh, fortunately for me as a citizen of the new Nome-Landian Republic, I have been absolved of my crimes as part of the new agreement and the constitution of our people. But one of the last remaining terms of the princes and princesses abdication is that you stand trial. I feel that if you do not participate, it could launch the nomelands into another civil war. And I feel this one might not be as petite. Okay, well, I am nothing if not, if not conscious of how delicate peace in the norm lands is. So, I will appear on trial. And then I think I minor illusion some glasses on all of us because I know that juries are more sympathetic for defendants who wear classes

We must play the game you know, it's a game. It's honestly a game and we've got to play it life is just a game and you just do whatever you want Well do not say that in court. Please do not what okay? Oh My god, I can see for the first time in my entire life Is this why you've been missing? I think I've just been dizzy for a very, very long time. And Archer with a bad eyesight. Oh my goodness. Holy shit, people are blurry.

Well Keith, I appreciate the summons from a friend. A friend. You know, I'm a little surprised that you would so easily wash your hands of this considering I did kill the clockwork going to save your life. Oh, no, no, no, please, you misunderstand. I will be at the trial. I will be serving as your legal counsel. Oh!

Yes. You can represent yourselves, obviously, but I would not abandon you in this moment. Of course, not, Donics. You mean so much to me. I think, Yuki, that's very, very kind. So I guess, well, I guess, okay. I guess I'm your client now.

Oh, okay. Get you a gnome who? Right? Right. You know, I hope that this does not interfere. I, you know, client lawyer confidentiality. I hope that that does not interfere. You know, with our relationship.

Okay, our friendship, you know, I think, I said, I, you know, it's you who took the bar so you would know the ethics of that more. Indeed, you're right. I better study up it would seem. Okay. Anyway, I know that this seems difficult and extremely unfair, but if you want this final relic, I truly think this is the only way to go about getting it. No, I think it, I appreciate you stepping up for me and my perspective called company. Anytime. Now there is more I wish to discuss with you

but I believe that is better said in person so hopefully I will see you soon. Yes, you will see us soon. Until then. Until then. Okay. Alright, good bye Keith. I love you. He cuts off. Wow. Oh boy. I mean, you know, okay, if we are going to talk about it. Gents is just the friend who has great advice for other people's relationships, but it's a mess in its own. You need to marry that gnome. Mary that gnome. Okay, you know, I'm going to put this out there. I'm going to put this out there. It is sort of putting into direct contrast how toxic my friendship with Katie is considering

Keith is doing this, you know, very honorable, talented thing for me. And honestly, I don't think even if Katie was a lawyer, I don't think she would do that for me. So just say you're guilty and then it will be over. I see. So that's kind of. So Katie's fine to just go to jail. And then the afternoon is open and I just slither out of the jail cells.

Yeah, so she's just kidding. Yeah, okay. So yeah, I mean, I'm sort of doing a bit of an inventory of my relationships right now, maybe. Katie, like, do you even care about Onyx? You see Katie is riding around on this golden robot swan. Weee! I pretend like I didn't hear Niax say that, but I like want to see her response. She's feeding a pastry to the golden robot swan, which cannot eat bread.

And she looks back and says, Ha, what did you say? I asked if you even care about Onyx. Oh, yeah, she's like one of my besties. Okay, I'm back on the K-D-Train. Sorry. Like top 10, at least. besties. Okay, I'm back on the K-Dirt. Like top 10 at least. I guess I'll send a message back with this golden swan, and I just want to say

princesses, a little busy for the next couple days. But I'll let you know kind of what up in the next, you know, I think I'll be back in like probably like a week or two, see you later. And before that swan flies away, I tie a tiny little page of Elven porn to it, but very tasteful. You get another note back really quick that says, Loll, totes, totes, understand. Wow, I truly can't believe I hooked up with a 46 year old.

Because, sorry, I held, I won't argue again. You know, I've said it so many times, I honestly, I think I'm in my 60s, but I'm not sure. I'm either in my 40s or in my sixties or in my eighties. I don't know. You hear blavin' from the other room, says, he's 120 at least. What?

Oh, no, I'm not. It's blavin', you're drunk. That's besides the point. I'm not a pet old. I had to do research on him for the benefactor. He's 120 at least. What? Okay. Those are crow's feet. That's not makeup like you keep telling you. It's makeup. I'm trying to look esteemed. Let's get out of here. Okay. This is weird. Can we all agree? It's weird. Let's go.

All right. Good luck to you all. Just text or whatever. Send me a swan. I'm going to real quick send a swan to the king to see if he can get his first class on JetBlue. Because that would be. Yeah, that would be really good, because I've spent a lot of money on first class for Katie. The crown prince sends you this enormous, beautiful golden

swan. It lowers its neck and allows you all to ride on it and gracefully takes the air and flies you directly to the airport. Wow. Okay, so the swan doesn't have direct TV, but we're at the airport, the direct TV on the...

It was basically, it's like a free flying uber, so think about it that way. We were all on our speaking stones the entire trip. I mean, we didn't look at the beautiful city below, but we got a free ride. I was on my speaking stone with dramatic music, just cocking my head as I go through Keith's tristogram and reconsidering.

Careful, Onyx. Your 48 weeks back, Onyx. You're 48 weeks back. Be very careful. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. I just, you know, what better way to know how you feel than to go on Tristagram. Hey, mean, sister. Ha ha ha. Do you guys think I'm really over a hundred?

Do you guys think that's possible? Um, will you let us see you without makeup? No. Let's continue. So you board a jet blue flight. I'm talking mint first class. Do we get an almost there cookie? You get just now taking off. You get midway cookies, you get almost there cookies. You are absolutely stuffed full of chocolate chips by the time that you land in Handelia, the capital of the nomelands.

The city is a brass behemoth of cogs and gears. Everywhere you look, you see flickers of movement. From huge arcane pulleys, lugging supplies up a building, worrying conveyor belts zipping gnomes to their jobs, and even tiny clockwork squirrels squabbling over literal nuts and bolts. As you walk to your rendezvous with Keith, you can feel the city's pendulum heart thrum gently beneath your feet. So yeah, you walk through town, and eventually in the distance you see Keith.

He's going over some files for the case. He's got a briefcase on his lap on the bench he's sitting on, and he looks up and he waves at you. Okay, I mean I suppose it's time to meet with our lawyer. Does everyone feel adequately dressed for court? Always. Okay. Should I have shoes or a shirt? Or is this fine? Yeah, because you know there would likely be some sort of jury and they will be judging us based off of you know our appearance more than you care to acknowledge That's why I have the spectacles. I straight up him just dressed up like a character from soul caliber Super shiny knee-high boots and like a

Strange vest and a weird skirt Yeah, why? Niaq tries to look bookish and wears Birkenstock sandals and a cardigan, but nothing else. You see Keith looks at you and says, Oh, that will do. That will absolutely do. So, I've been going over the case. Just to fill you in on a little bit about the the Nomi's legal system, I can serve as your counsel, but it will be better for the jury

if you represent yourselves as well. So you will be needing to make statements, present evidence and whatnot on your own. But I will of course be there if you have questions or if you need to confer. Think of me as your legal consultant, if you will. You know, if we need a character witness, we have Onyx's parasite, Katie.

Okay. Have you guys met? Jans is shaking his head. She's very charismatic. I really think she would absolutely kill it and does only when I'm sure. I think you need to ban Katie from, I think people's parasites should not be allowed

to testify against them. Well Kenny's not. You're right double jeopardy or something like that. Well double jeopardy I think is if you tried for the same thing twice whatever that marriage room. Yeah, no There's a thing that married people can't be tried against each other. Okay, Kenny pops out and says I've got Get out of Kenny Kenny Your band you're banned from gnome court go hang out with DJ Katie don't go anywhere You see DJ is eating nachos somehow

Where did you buy nachos? I just got nachos. Why do you want some nachos? No, I don't want any goddamn nachos get the hell out of here DJ Fine, I wasn't gonna give you any anyway. Good. Um, you see Keith interjects. Yes, actually, parasites and people not pertaining to the case will not be admitted. They could sit in the audience if they like,

but they cannot sit with us at the table. Keith, that's wonderful. That's great news. I'm sure they'll all show up for moral support because they care a lot about the outcome of the case and the people involved. Yes, and not just because they're attached to us. The DJ gets into a fight with a clockwork squirrel. Oh, what the heck? Get off me. Jens, Jens, save me. Please. Please.

Jellys squirrel. Yes, I hope this squirrel wins. Get it. I hope the squirrel wins, get it? Oh, that's very interesting. Can we do some magic to help the squirrel to see if it can kill the parasite? Will I die if D.J. dies? Hold on one sec. It's a 17 that's gonna hit. Jins, has this squirrel bites into your parasite?

You take fuck. One damage. How? Oh! D.J. get over here, damn it fucking squirrel stole my nachos oh you don't need nachos, you're a goddamn parasite

go be a bug, go like live in some fucking stagnant water you asshole that sounds pretty chill, thanks for thinking of me yeah going like a fucking puddle or something so anyway, here are the facts of the case. The trial is taking place tomorrow, which doesn't give us a ton of time to prepare. However, I have spoken with the judge and he has given us permission to investigate the murder scene. It has been a few months since this event transpired, so I don't know if we'll find anything new,

but I figured it was worth a shot. I can't explain why, but I have a gut feeling that there might be something we're missing, something more to this case than we initially thought. If you're okay with it, I will lead us over to the throne room and we can do a brief investigation. Okay, yes, this sounds wonderful. Does it work for everyone? Yes, totally. Yeah, I mean, if you guys wanted to go alone to have a long time,

that's also fine with us, but we can come. Okay, I punch. Niaq really hard in the arm. Oh! Oh! Wow, that bruise so quickly. That will never heal. So you walk over there.

As you're walking, Onyx's Keith does pull you aside and says, so, well, I've been talking with my boys. Okay. And, you know, they encouraged me to come forward with this and say that I really think, you know, we should like define our relationship a little better. Okay, okay. Maybe when this is all over, maybe this is too much for right now, but that's just what's on my mind. And my boys told me to speak my mind and try and work on that.

I, you know, Keith, I do, I actually do that. I think that's wonderful. First off, I want to commend you for your bravery. This is like really a brave thing. I look at an eye act. This is so brutal. I'm going to do it. She really didn't pull her that far aside, huh?

I'm just going to take you know what? She's gonna take me in first prairie. I'm just going to start of be straight forward with you, which is that I have like a lot of, I'm really busy at work. Oh, sure, yeah. Niaq takes his arrow and pretends to drive it through his own heart. Oh, but I have to say, you know, I perhaps was very distracted by a, you know, toxic relationship. And I am beginning to perhaps question it. So, you know, I guess I'm just like really in a complicated space in my life. Okay. Yeah. No, there's a lot going on.

Yeah. Coined, conspiring to, you know, consume the world with babies and whatnot and the trial. Yeah, also, like, I mean, I think we all figured out, we all found that we had a parasite inside of ourselves. And it changed a lot of our relationships to ourselves, you know. Yeah, Keith, it's not you. It's us. But, you know, I also would like to point out, you know, like this was kind of a strange moment to choose considering you're going to be representing me in court tomorrow. So, you know, I truly hope that the fact that I am speaking, honestly, with you, won't make you defend me any differently, you know.

He takes a knee. Just saying, sometimes there are power dynamics that you want to be careful about, you know. Onyx, no matter what we are together, I respect you as an individual. Wow. Okay. And I will do everything I can to prove your innocence tomorrow. Thank you. You have my word.

I really appreciate that and I promise that I won't kiss Katie. It was that on the table or she's a bug. She's actual bug, Keith. I honestly don't know what's going on. I promise, I promise that when I say I'm taking some time to think about things, I'm going to be actually thinking of some things. Cool, cool, great. So let's get to the throne room.

And once we get there, I'm going to go to the bathroom for 20 minutes. But you feel free to investigate to your harsh content, okay? Okay, we will. Okay, are you anywhere in line for like the nomish throne at all? Oh, no, of course not. No, I am a simple, not interested. Cool. Let's move on. Let's go. Jen, so are you just trying to scoop my ex? Was I trying to scoop your ex? Absolutely. This backup lawyer get out of here. Are you kidding me? So you see Keith leads you to the palace.

Every once in a while, looking back to see if he can spot Katie on your shoulder. I think I'm starting to get like maybe I'm like less sweet to Katie because Keith was very nice and it's starting to make a contrast between the way that both of them relate to me. Yeah Katie's like wow that was ice cold you are such a killer. Oh wow you're proof of feels good. This is confused. Jesus. Okay, okay, let's go investigate this murder that I did. All right. So, you make your way to the throne room.

It is just as you remember it. At its center is a large throne with a huge bronze gear radiating from its center. On either side of the throne, you see six smaller thrones arranged in a semi-circle. Obviously, these are for the princes and princesses. To thrones arranged in a semi-circle. Obviously, these are for the princes and princesses. To your left, down a hallway is the treasury where you want to stole the Vorpal sockets, a nomish artifact that the benefactor needed to build his

celestial guillotine, and to your right is a bathroom that is also embellished with an uncomfortable amount of gears and cogs. You see Keith runs in there, and everyone give me a perception check. He can master it to anything. 13. Net one. Oh, naiac. I need new ties.

Even with your new glasses. Oh my God. I got a 10. 10. Um, Onyx, you are trying to avoid hearing this. Jins, uh, he's sobbing so loudly. Oh! Oh my gosh, I feel terrible now. Okay, I can't even joke around about this anymore. Oh, hey Onyx, I'm gonna start knocking on the door.

I was like, excuse me, Keith, some people need to puke. Why do you need to throw up? Come on over. Look like really fuck with me. Why are you going to say to me? Onyx, I was just going to say, it seems like whatever you're doing is really working because he's crying super hard. Oh.

This makes me feel really bad, you know. It's just like I haven't seen him in a while. And, you know, I just kind of have started to become a different person. And now suddenly I'm supposed to just feel exactly how I felt back in the hand of the TechnoMek. I mean, so much has happened since then. I go into the bathroom and I also cry for 20 minutes.

Are you guys in the same stall? Different stalls. Different stalls crying. So while Onyx and Keith are crying, Niyak, Jin, do you want to do investigation checks? Yes. Wow, which Onyx was here? She's smart.

Can Katie give me the help action? Is she close enough? Katie, absolutely. Can I give me the help action as she goes? What? Katie, absolutely, can I give you the help action? She's like taking leftover croissants and shoving them in her body and then her entire body becomes the shape of the croissant and then she burps really loud. I got an actual six.

Okay, I wipe my eyes and I come out. Okay, I got a nat 20. Whoa! Even without Katie. You got a nat 20? Yes I did. Incredible. First of all, Onyx, I don't imagine you beat that.

I got it 12. Okay, great, great, great. So, Naya tracking is your specialty, and this is a situation that calls for some tracking. Woo. You get down on your hands and knees and start sniffing around and eventually, over by the throne, right about where the queen would have fallen

after Onyx murdered her. Hey, okay, after Onyx saved her friends. Assess and hate it. As assassinated, I stopped in despotic underwear. Okay, after Onyx saved her friends Assassin-aged As vaccinated, I stopped in despotic Regicide queen she ran into Onyx's flail ousted You do see the slightest subtlest remains of blood Flect onto this marble

But you also see some claw marks As if someone was dragged towards a wall at the back of the throne room. So can we just say I actually caught all that with a casual glance in my new glasses? Oh, you see that? Whoa, see what? I. The claw marks, it's over there, looked like someone was dragged in. I don't know if that was already. Jesus, you saw that?

I had to, like, get up right next to it. My God, Nia. Nia, you seem to be natural. Could you think that you could identify the creature that the claw came from? I might have to get a little closer. I across from the other side of the room. LAUGHTER Yeah, within that 20, you know that these are, like,

you can see from the number of claw marks. These are humanoid fingers that made these claw marks. These are humanoid claw marks. LAUGHTER They do also look small. Like, compared to your hands, they look small. Uh, how about if they I know more to have? Like a corrupt no, no or something.

That's what I'm wondering. A gnome? A gnome? Like a little chihuahua-sized gnome, yes. Go and give me another insight check. Or an investigation check. That is a 21 for Onyx. Dirty 20 for me. Those are not one for me. Wow.

Jake these murky, all well-esque rolls are just not okay. Big swings, buddy. It's crazy. Let's just say that it's like a kind of cold in here. So like your glasses keep fogging up. And I want to admit it. You're just completely blind without them. Yeah, you point out the claw marks, and then your glasses instantly fall off and shatter. No. So yeah, Onyx, after NIAC points out these claw marks,

you see that they lead to a back wall, which looks just like a smooth wall. Um, but you can also tell just from the shape of them and like the depth of the claw mark that they continue under the wall. Yes. Okay. My friends, we must try to get wherever this clawmark was going. Should we get Keith out of the bathroom? I attack the wall. You attack the wall?

Yeah. You whack the wall with your mall with such gall. And you feel in thrall. I go A-Wall. And after all that, you do hear kind of like a hollow ring behind it. And Keith is in the stall. And Keith isn't. Again, you know, let's not, let's try not to blame Onyx too much for, you know, if,

if she heard Keith's feelings, you know, people have to be their own people, you know. Yes. Really, it was, it was his boys that encouraged him to come out and ask you to find a relationship But I'm quite an opportunity. I think we can all agree it's Keith's fault for having feelings Princess texting me and it feels insane Nia can Jen's you do get a text from Keith. It's like hey don't blame on it's in the situation She's great. Oh gosh, he's doing everything right.

This is super healthy. Huge red flag, Onyx. He's really healthy. He's so needy. He's so confusing. He's tread flag. Brother, you violated his trust. For Shane, brother.

Violated what? Onyx is my friend. I should have been more attentive. I should have been there for her This is a lot here's the thing onus is fine But if she asks me to kill somebody I'll do it like we're friends. It's fine Okay, I'm going to channel on my confliction into Investigating didn't you say there was little thrones? Yes, there are six thrones on either side. The Queen had 12 children. Six thrones on either side. So I'd like to investigate all of the thrones

trying to, you know, pull them like handles or anything like that. Sit my butt in them, see if I hear any sort of mechanism go when I do it. Okay. Yeah, give me an investigation again. Sit my butt in them, see if I hear any sort of mechanism go when I do it. Okay. Yeah, give me an investigation again. It's another 21. I wrote the same thing. Wow.

You sit in all of these thrones. You put your romp in each of these little chairs. I dumped my romp. But when you sit in the queen's chair, you feel a little button underneath one of the armrests. And then when you press it, the gear behind the throne turns, and as it turns, a panel lifts right behind it. Okay, what do I see beyond the panel? I guess let's walk down this, whatever's behind it. Okay, what do I see beyond the panel? I guess let's walk down this, whatever's behind here.

Should we and consider doing, because this is the night before our trial, should we consider doing invisibility or something to be stealthy? I mean we are allowed to look at this stuff, but maybe we should be stealthy. Um, sure. Um, sure. Um, yeah, I'll cast Invisibility on everybody. I will also cast Trickster's Escape on myself, so I have freedom of movement. Very nice.

Yeah, that's probably smart. You do see some guards. They didn't notice you activating this panic room, but yeah, I would say that stealth might be advisable. Sweet, I cast In invisibility on us three. Awesome. You do also get a text from Keith that says, be out soon, but if you find anything, make sure you take pictures, parentheses,

could be good for evidence. Okay, well, taking pictures is my forte. Okay. You know, I had a complicated day emotionally, but now I am back in my comfort zone. Jen takes a lot of advantage of the fact that he's invisible, that he's now allowed to be in Onyx's pictures. You said you're asking me to tag you,

even when you're invisible in the picture. Jen's in front of the secret entrance. Okay, so you're going into this secret entrance? Yeah, and we're all invisible. I turn off my flash, too. Awesome. As you go in there, you do realize that it is essentially a panic room, but you don't see anything out of the ordinary in here.

It's fairly big. There's beds for each of the children and the queen. There's like a little fridge. It's kind of stocked well in case they needed to hide out in here against an insurrection or something. Ironically, it never came up because the queen was murdered in a totally other way. Outstood, outstood. Yes. Forcefully reelected. De-throned. Brutally assassinated.

It's forcefully reelected. De-thrawned. Brutally assassinated. Mm-hmm. Died of natural causes. It's natural to bleed out when you're hitting the face with a mall. Yes. Why don't you all give me, yeah, give me just a general

investigation or arcanic check. Natural one. Wow. A 17. Is that investigation or arcanic? Investigation. OK. I. A 17. Is that investigation or or a con? Investigation. Okay. I got a 19. Investigation?

Sure. Cool. Oh, I have zero to both. Gotcha. Cool. Oh, so do it as our con. Because I can do the investigation. You can do the our con.

Oh, perfect. Great. So yeah, in tandem, you two do a magic investigation. And now that you all have these pieces of Nidas inside you, Onyx you from the remains of Verilis, Jins from the Princess family, Nyak from the Silverback, you feel a little resonance here. And as you focus your eyes on it, as you focus on this magical resonance, a scene appears before you, almost like a film negative frozen in time. You see 12 trails of spectral energy extending out of a central point on the ground. And then, it's gone.

12, that's how many children she has. Okay. So as you're pondering this, Keith walks over, doesn't come into the room because he doesn't want alert the guards, but says Okay, yes, I think that's I think that's it. I think we're wrapping up. Yes. Thank you Can I cast dispel magic? Oh on on the room. Yeah, yeah, go ahead Okay, I guess it at a fifth level With a fifth level you can see that level. With a fifth level you can see that the room once had magical wards on it to prevent people from getting in but since the queen is dead they've been deactivated but you don't

really get the sense that there is any other magic. What you got before with your investigation was essentially like you sniffed the remainder of some powerful magic that had been here. Okay. Anyone have any other thing they want to do at this room? So we saw, remind me what we saw with the check. You saw, basically you saw like the ghastly remains of magic that was here once. And it was so powerful that it left almost like a permanent

film negative on like a plane of of reality if that makes sense. So you saw 12 trails of energy extending out from a singular point. So the queen must have given their energy from the dust to their children. Does anyone else have that thought? That could be. That makes sense. Hmm. Okay, will I take a bunch of pictures and I head out? that top? That could be. That makes sense.

Okay, will I take a bunch of pictures and I head out? Awesome. Very cool. Of course, you head out, you run to be with Keith, you tell him what you found out. He's like, oh, that's very good. Yes, you see, he's all business now. That's incredible information. That could be very useful. Yes. Well, if there's nothing else than I I suppose we should all try to get a good night's sleep so that we can be arrested for the trial tomorrow. Absolutely. All right. Do you have a studio or any place that you... Yeah, we'll go to our first-class hotel room, our suite. Oh, dude, the prince book us something. Yeah. I text the prince real quick.

Do you do it? It's like just all lowercase. Hey, what's up? Not back yet. Do you have any contacts in the nomelands? Just kind of looking for a hotel to crash, thinking of you. I've got one way to pull, one way to pull. Yeah, right. Awesome hotel to crash. Okay. Dope hotel swag hotel to crash, thinking of you. I've got one way to pool, one way to pool. Yeah, right, awesome hotel to crash.

Okay, dope hotel, swag hotel to crash. Okay, looking for swag hotel to crash. One with a pool, heart emoji. Indoor, Indoor pool. Indoor pool. TV, there's a TV. Multiple TVs, guys, we might want to watch different things. One TV is fine.

Two TVs. Okay. What if we want to do one TV is fine two TVs okay what do we want to watch two different episodes of friends all right two TV that's true we are on different seasons the prince gets you the top floor penthouse wow at the Ritz-Snar At the Ritz-Snarleton. The Ritz-Snarleton, they're famous for having two TVs in every sweep. You see that the bell hop is like right this way,

says, and madams, to the two TVs sweet. Thank you. We're on different seasons of friends. Thank you. The prince also said extra towels. He told us to tell you to send up extra towels. Well, we don't have the bugs in us anymore, so we might not need as many towels,

but we'll take them. Jens, you use 12 towels every time you shower. That's true. Well, that's because the bugs sometimes take the towels. Normally, I only use eight or nine. You can have all the towels you wish for, of course, right? This way to the top floor. And we don't do any of that earth saving or trinny valve saving bullshit of leaving things on the floor.

You need to come if you could come by once every hour if we would appreciate it. Even while we're sleeping we don't do towels. Yes, sir. Actually, yeah, you could wash I hand them at hand full of towels that they already gave us. You could just wash these ones again and then bring them back up. Very good, sir. Yeah, you could wash I hand them a handful of towels that they already gave us You could just wash these ones again and then bring them back up very good sir We grab some lobby towels that Use a quick a quick tumble Ah quite wet sir well done and

Please do not tip me we won't And please do not tip me. We won't. Okay. Cool. So keep those back to his one room apartment. They share this with his boys. And you all sleep in this fantastic hotel penthouse suite. Wow.

I sleep restlessly thinking about what it's like to feel someone care about you. Oh Jesus. Onyx, are you, are you thinking about how cool this room is? Yes. It's so cool. It's making it hard to sleep. Agreed. It's like I'm so excited to be here

that I want to make the most of the whole time here. Agreed. And yet, we can probably do this again tomorrow. be here that I want to make the most of the whole time here. Agreed. And yet, we could probably do this again tomorrow. So you all drift off to sleep with all of the friends staring out the window at the ugly naked guy. But on the TV, it looks like they're staring at you. Wow, wishing you a good night's sleep.

We're watching the episode where they poked the ugly naked guy, but also the episode where Joey moves out for the first time. And me. Okay, it's Onyx. This episode of NADPOT has brought to you by Bird Dogs. They're a company that makes pants and shorts, so no matter where you fall and the age old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered. Now we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's gonna be difficult. Luckily Bird Dogs has made the decision of which pants and shorts to choose a side, it's gonna be difficult. Luckily, Bird Dogs has made the decision

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You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay, that's it for me, go team pants and enjoy the show. So you sleep through the night. The sun rises. Is the dawn of a new day. It's actually for clarification, the seventh day since you met Cash in the periphera. So it's only been a week. So you've got about three weeks left before the moon's a line and Cash's master plan comes through fruition. But for now you've

got a trial to focus on so you all head downtown to the government district and you enter a beautiful antique courthouse covered in polished wood and gilded bronze. Inside the courthouse you see several nomish citizens and reporters gathered for the trial and they watch as you take your place on the defenses table to the right. To your left you see the prosecutors table seated upon which are the 12 silver-haired children of the Clockwork Queen and their lawyer. In front of you is a large bronze gate and a judges bench, from which you see a nomish judge arise as if ascending on an elevator. He takes his seat, then bangs an ornate gavel, which causes everyone to fall silent.

Ladies and gentlemen, I now call to order the criminal case of Onyx Lumiere first the Handelian royal family are Both sides ready to proceed You see the children's lawyer nods his head Riddiyal on the Children's lawyer and then the judge looks at you And Yes, of course already. Yeah, sorry. I did not know I did not know what the custom was if my lawyer should speak or if I should I think we do I think we all say yes wrong Yeah, really I'm the head I'm the head lawyer

Is the custom yeah, we say yes and then do like a thumbs up or I could do a dance if you'd like for me to Okay, brother. There's not enough pizzazz here. Oh Whoa, whoa, whoa, do not do a dance yet. You see the judge like holds his hands up. Please do not do a dance yet until the jury has entered the room. Now it tries to kill the fog machine. For the jury, we'd very much like to see your dance. It's gonna, the fog machine is not gonna stop. It's, it's, it's, once I press the button, it really, it's gonna do its thing. You should just bring about, bring him in quickly, quickly. Oh, that's so much fog. Wow. Wow, we that's a lot of fog. Don't need to be exposed to it for a little while to get used to it. So you should get him in quickly. Oh, that's so much fun. Wow, wow, we, that's a lot of fun.

Don't need to be exposed to it for a little while to get used to it, so you should get him in here quick. Very well, you see the judge bangs the hammer, which you see as it bangs up and down, is encrusted with these like gleaming emerald jewels. It looks like a very special hammer. He bangs up and down down and after a moment, you see Gears turn on all sides of the room and the large gate to your right opens to reveal the mouth of a massive cave.

From the depths, you hear a loud crashing noise. crashing noise. BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! As the noise grows closer and closer, you see five sets of glowing eyes that slowly emerge from the darkness, revealing five dragon heads. Each one a different color. You see the judge looks on an awe.

Behold the jury! different color. You see the judge looks on an awe. Behold the jury! Each of her five heads represents one of the five ideals of the Normish court! The judge gestures with a gavolt towards each of the dragon's five heads. Red, for the fiery passion of rhetoric, blue, for the lightning precision of logic, DREAM, for the poison-istimitation of bribery, White, for the cold-hard proof of evidence, and Black, for the cleansing acidity of insight. Now, without further ado, let the trial begin!

Boom! Uh, the dragons all roar. You now recall the logo of the Ritz Snarleton. Of course features these five dragons all snarling. And this is of course the jury that delivers judgment on high profile court cases in the gnome lands. The judge, after introducing the jury, settles a bit and says, As we all know, this is a special case, and as such, it shall be governed by the gaville of fate. The judge holds up the jeweled gaville that you saw I'm swinging earlier.

This gaville has the power to alter one's fate, but its power only works if a ritual trial is performed first, and the defendant is found guilty in the eyes of the jury. So, let us decide your fate. He bangs the gavel once more, and now it's time to roll initiative. Okay. 18. Ooh, nine!

Ooh, 13! Uh-huh! Okay, so here's how the trial is going to work. You can use your action to argue your case. You can also sacrifice your turn and raise an objection to the prosecution's statement as a reaction. Spells are allowed, but attempting to control a witness or a member of the other party is forbidden. With that you see the judge bangs

as Gavil one more time and points towards the prosecutor, whose name is Lugel for his opening statements. You see Lugel nods towards the silver-haired progeny of the clockwork queen, this gaggle of 12 children, and then he strides forward to give his opening statement. Can I just ask a real quick question, just because I'm trying to understand. So I did objectively kill this queen. Yes, you saw her die. But I am trying to convince these people

that I did not kill the queen. Yes, the prosecutor is about to read the charges that are being brought against you. Okay. I wanna say, can I say that before the, like right before everything started, I give party inspiration to my party. I give party inspiration to Nia and Onyx.

Great call. Thank you. Onyx before the prosecutor gives their opening statement, give me a history check. Shout out to the two crew. Oh, okay. Yeah, you try to recall any knowledge that could be helpful here and the only thing you can focus on is Katie in your ear saying, do you have any pringles? Okay, Katie, today's kind of supposed to be about me. Okay, just one day, just one day.

Okay, well, okay. I run errands for you all the time. Wow. I saw pringles outside in the vending machine. Don't tell her where the pringles are. I just thought of it, I hope full. Also, aren't vending machines like really evil here? Yes, she shouldn't eat them.

She might get a parasite. And then that would just be a whole new thing. Can Katie get a parasite that'd be so cute? That wouldn't be cute. That'd be terrible. To meet Katie's parasite. Imagine the braids. Imagine the teeny tiny braids.

You see Katie skitters out to the vending machine. We'll check in on her to see if she gets a parasite. Skitters! She skitters and your friends with her. So on Exasuponder, you see that Lugel, the prosecutor, strides forward and addresses the court. Good morning everyone. My name is Lugel and I will be representing the Handelian Royal family. In this case, my intention, so these proceedings, is to prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that Onyx Lumiaa, as well as our compasses, Nayak of Zerana 4, and genitals, Vendel, are guilty, not only of stealing a priceless nomelandian artifact,

but also of murdering Queen Handelia the 13th. Today, I never knew your full name, brother. Is that really your full name, Chant? It's Chant, it's all. Justice will be served. And the Queen's children shall finally know peace. Thank you. You see that he bows towards the dragon's heads,

and I'm going to roll to see how well his rhetoric did. Ooh, that is a 24. You see the judge nods, the jury grunts approvingly, and you see that the red head of the dragon is like, yes, very pleased with this opening statement. Wow. Okay, so the red one loves just dry, uncharismatic behavior.

Look, I know y'all are not on my level as far as like when people over goes. So just use your bardic inspiration and I'll give you more when I can. Okay. Thank you, that is very appreciated. You're right, brother. I suck at this kind of that is going to be Onyx's turn. Okay, okay. On my turn, I step forward. I'm wearing a blazer over a beautiful Edwardian sort of ruffle neck shirt with a ballo tie.

And I want to point out that what I did was not a murder, but instead it was an active self-defense. Everything I've understood about the nomish people, us stealing something is not a capital crime. And so when the queen stepped forward and just execution as punishment for stealing something, I believe that was a miscarriage of the law. And so it was in self-defense against an unjust use of one's power that I had to stop her from the miscarriage of justice. Thank you very much, and I flash the jury. To you. To you.

To you. Jensus nods like, wow. Wow. Magbangs is bow like a gavel. She did it. You see, all of the dragon heads, like, converse amongst themselves. Oh, yeah, it brings up a lot of good points

miscarriage of justice, yes, yes indeed. You specifically see that the blue head is like, yes, go ahead and roll an investigation check with advantage. Okay. Because you have investigated the law and you have found a loophole within it. Okay, I'm gonna use that part of conspiracy. Yeah.

What is it? A D10? Yes. Yes, I got the 10! Okay, that is now going to be that fucking saved my ass. I add five to investigation, so that is 24. Nice. It's a great roll.

Yeah, you see the blue head of this dragon. It's like, that is an interesting precedent. We did not consider that ruling, of course. Miss Andelaar versus the people of the nomelands. Ah, the precedent was established then, and it is reestablished here. Ah! A capital punishment for a non-capital offense

who is outside of the law. That's a white spanking. The quital offense who is outside of the law. It's a light spanking. It's a light spanking. It's a light spanking, specifically. And she did not look as though she was to give a light spanking to kids. Your legal acuity pleases us. The split dragon, I've whispered tonight, this blue dragon is a lot. He's on our side, Jen. Diggle.

I know, it's just... Cool, Onyx. Uh, after you go, you see that Lugel, the prosecutor chuckles a little bit and says, Yes, of course. Who could forget about this simple precedent? Of course, it is but a fraction of what actually occurred.

I think that all of the jury will agree that simply spouting logic will not compare to actual video evidence showing the extreme severity of this criminal act. That is why I would like to submit into evidence video proof of these three criminals and their accomplice Keith breaking into the royal treasury stealing a priceless artifact then upon being captured murdering the clockwork queen in front of our children those with sensitive stomachs should please avert their gaze. I wander away. The prosecutor clicks a button and you see a large crystal descends from the ceiling.

You see as the prosecutor presents this evidence, he like flicks his wrist and does a really stylish press of the remote control that controls the screen. And you see that the white dragon is very impressed. I'm going to see how impressed she is. That is a 3020, the white dragon head roars with approval. Gah! And then the prosecutor grins and presses another button on the remote, which causes a video to start playing

on the crystal. And you see, as you watch this video, that it is footage of the day that you kill the queen, Onyx. Okay, this is actually very helpful because I kind of went into a bit of a rage and I don't remember what happened. So you see in this video, Keith has almost got the Vorpal socket out of its container, but then someone, let's see real quick, Jyn's triggers unalarm. What?

Impositive. Clearly this has been doctored. Suddenly royal guards are everywhere. Jyn's and Nyak manage to hide, but Onyx and Keith are captured and taken to the Queen's throne room. You then watch as the Queen, her wild silver hair flowing from her head like she's being constantly electrocuted, orders the guards to execute Keith. However, before they can, Onyx's eyes glow with a pastel light and she whips forward her flail,

striking the Queen. Blood spatters on the ground. The Queen's eyes flash silver for a moment, then go dull. You see the 12 princes and princesses seated in a semicircle around the Queen all recoil and panic and shock. The rest of the scene plays out like you remember. The guards attempt to apprehend you, but Nyak and Jens come to your rescue, and you all flee the throne room with a relic in hand. However, the video feed keeps playing after you leave. You see the captain of the guards rush to check on the queen, but the children push her

away and rush to their mother's side. After a moment, the video feed cuts out. Why don't you all give me a perception check? 15. Is that it's going to be a four for me? I was not paying attention. I'm so sorry. Not bad, but I beat you with a three. A three? That's right. I got a 15 now. Okay. Onyx, I think your ruffle might be cutting off your circulation a little bit. I was just distracted by how cool I look in battle. Get, I look so cool. And now your stomach actually did get upset

by the video, so you have to puke for a quick second. But Jins, as you watch this video, you notice something peculiar. In the video, the clockwork princes and princesses, the heirs of Queen Handelia, don't have silver hair, but the ones you see in the courtroom do. And that is going to bring us to Niaq. I guess I also lean in and tell these guys what's going on.

Oh cool. Hey guys, the kids didn't have silver hair in the video. Yeah. Did anyone else notice that I flashed silver before it went blank? I was vomiting the entire time. That is fascinating. And there was also the silver streaks in the room. Nyak stands up, clears his throat, wobbles for a second, shuts his eyes and holds my turn

to object. Oh my god. That's good though, because you know that this guy's gonna say something false. Incredible. I'm looking for my Tom Cruise moment. You see that after the prosecutor shows this evidence, he strides forward and addresses the jury. As you can see, there is no room for error. Zifax have been presented cleanly, crystal clear, likes his beautiful crystal, which I will give to you, my precious jury. And he like gets down on his knee and presents a giant diamond to the green dragon. Whoa, bribery. And you see the dragons like, oh, very nice. Oh, it's sparkle so beautifully. Yes, yes, we approve. And she grabs the diamond and tosses it back into her layer. I'm gonna do a

persuasion check. That is a 24. The green dragon is very much on the prosecutor's side. Persuasion's kind of my only skill, so perhaps I should... I got that too. Be fit to a library. Cool, so that is the lawyer's turn. Now you still holding your objection? Yes, I'm going to hold my objection. Great, Jens, that's going to be you.

Sweet. All right, first off, I'm going to go out and I'm gonna hold my objection. Great, Jens, that's gonna be you. Sweet. All right, first off, I'm gonna go out and I'm gonna go on X, you've got bribery, you think? It's going to be my best. I mean, there's other points I want to make, but persuasion's really the only thing I can do. Bribery is good. I'm gonna give Onyx party inspiration.

Nice. Thank you. And then I'm gonna go out and I'm gonna go gentle dragons of the jury. I ask you, who do the gnome people answer to? You see the dragons heads look at each other? Haha. That is a very good point. Who do they answer to if not themselves? We are merely the operators of justice. Indeed.

But beyond the nomish royal family, hmm. Who does the nomish royal family? Answer to. The gods, do they not? Indeed, the Nomes were created by Nalara, the god of timing tides, but that is not the only god they are bound to. For you see, the queen bore the mark of Nadas.

She was in fact the aspect of craft. Interesting. Well, and I'm just, I'm just a lowly high elf that is recently hooked up with the prince that might be the king in the future. Nice. I love when he's humble. However, I'm pretty humble, okay?

I'm just a normal high-elf, but I would say if I were to rank between aspects and gods, I would say a god outranks an aspect, and Onyx was only working under the command of the god Nalar to take the Vorple Socket and thus outranked The Queen and I would say she never even did anything illegally at all In fact, it was the Queen who committed the crime You see all the dragons heads like Wiggle directly in the air You see all the dragons heads like Wiggled directly in the air Salacious logic you have presented

So tender for your arguments so juicy Your perception of the law very well We accept your argument go and roll investigation for that. Fuck. Or I would allow you to roll persuasion if you prefer. I would much prefer persuasion. That's a 24. Okay.

Ooh. Ooh, with a 24, you see that the red dragon who's impressed by Lugo, prosecutor's opening statement kind of like Changes her tune a little bit. Hmm indeed such a badass. This one argues with the full fiery spirit of the law You see that you now have two of the dragons on your side and that brings us to the black dragons turn They are going to make an insight check, first and foremost, on Lugel. That is a 13.

They don't get a great sense, but you see the Black Dragon takes one sniff at Lugel and goes, we withhold our judgment. And then the court case proceeds. That is going to be back around to Lugel, the prosecutor. You see that Lugel addresses the judge and says, if it would so please your honor.

I would very much like to summon a witness to his court. And you see that the judge approves and a legal shouts Captain Lita, Captain of the Guards, you are there as the time is a crime. Please come forward and give your testimony. And you see Lita, the captain of the guards, comes forward and takes her place next to the judge on the bench. Okay, hello, yes, I am Lita.

Oh, hey, a little nervous, I don't normally do this sort of thing. Oh! Wow, what? Why would you do that? I don't know, am I allowed to do that? I was surprised. I don't know, I asked Keith, he's the one experience. Keith, am I allowed to boo?

Yes, booing is actually quite encouraged. Great boo! I throw a pringle. I'm going to see if Leeda catches the pringle in her mouth. Nice. That's 17. Yeah, wow. She catches it.

Oh, thank you. I was a bit hungry. Okay, I was intending to make you feel upset by that That need to feed I didn't need to feed her throw the tube throw the tube The tube lands perfectly on her head and looks like a cool little hat shit Oh, thank you. Hey, top of the morning to you. Wow. She's goddamnit. I didn't mean to laugh at that But it was hilarious, but... She's fucking firing and also under...

So yes, my statement, after the monster assaulted Akuin, I rushed over to check on her. Sadly, I was too late for her sovereign lady had already perished. I wanted to do a more thorough inspection, but... at the request of Princess Cecilia. You see, she points to the princess third oldest of the known children. At her request, I kept my distance. The princess explained that she and the other children wanted to be alone with their mother

for her last moments. And so I cleared all of the guards from the room. We stood outside the door and listened with tears in our eyes as Queen Handelia cried out in pain one last time and then we all went in silence. UB FUCKING JECTION! Yeah! I was gonna say! Thank you!

Mayak, we've got this figured out. Go ahead, lay it out! First of all, may I have that Pringles can back I think it would make a really cool sheath for my arrows. Do you mind if I take the last Pringles that are in here? You can have all the Pringles you want I'm only keeping arrows in. Okay deal. She downs all the Pringles and then has to drink a lot of water from the stand. Okay. And then tosses you the Pringles case. Cool. What did I do something wrong?

I think it's our tight. What did I do wrong? You did something right when you told us the truth. But Mr. White headed dragon, I'm afraid what we have here is a lack of evidence. Because under this sworn testimony, the queen died behind a closed door while her trusted guard was in another room not witnessing anything. A vacant crime scene that couldn't be studied, couldn't be logged. There is no evidence, therefore you cannot convict. By the way, Green Dragon, I got you this little jar of jam and I toss the green dragon on the jar of jam. Whoa!

The dragons get so excited they tie their heads into a knot. It is true. In the void, the weather is no evidence. Chaos can rain! This entire case has been thrown on its heads! And then they all flip their heads over. Oh, proceed. That was great. I will allow you to do two roles.

One for the green dragon. That's going to be persuasion for your bribe. And then for the white dragon, that is going to be a dexterity check because you are flourishing your hand and presenting evidence to the court. Very nice. Okay. So I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I, so I'll, I'll, I'll roll the green dragon first for my bribe.

That's only an eight, so that's a shitty, shitty jar, jam. Don't even use your bardic. I will not. Okay. All right, so that's a 12, I'm gonna use my bardic. I just realized we didn't roll for bribery when I flashed to them. Hahaha.

Yes, I got the 10. Wow, you guys both got 10? Yes! That's 22. 22! The White Dragon was at 20, but you contested the evidence previously presented. The White Dragon is on your side. Yes.

Yes. Unfortunately, the green dragon eats your jam and instantly breaks out in hives. Whoa! Okay, yeah, it also made me sick and I thought it was just my stomach, but evidently it's the jam itself. Someone get me a Pringles tube, I'm going to puke! Now, egg hides his Pringles. Awesome, so that was the Lawyer's Turn. You objected onyx, that is your turn.

There is currently a witness on the stand if you would like to cross examine or you can pursue another avenue Okay, so it sounds like the white dragon is really on our side so it would not make sense to go after them I'm going to I will say you could try and further Get them on your side you could like further hedge your bets there. I would allow you to basically build the DC for what the challenge is gonna be for the lawyer.

I would like to ask the court something before I continue. By what means do you ensure the honesty of testimony in this court? Are you asking this to just the audience or the key third who's this presented to? Like the judge even. I think I'm just trying to understand if I bring someone as a witness if they will be honest or if they will be able to lie

The judge answers we make some swear an oath to the gods of Trinaville says they will not lie And we make some also pinky promise that they will not lie. It is a double promise system. It is airtight and foolproof that they will not lie. It is a double promise system, it is airtight and foolproof. Do I know from my experience of this place that those would mean something to people? It would mean something to the gnomes. But not necessarily the okay. I am going to summon a witness for testimony. I would like to summon the daughter that asked the the guards to leave. Whoa. Oh shit. Thursilia.

Yeah. Okay. Yes. Fantastic. You see, she looks like shocked. You wish to summon me? Yes, I just have a few questions and I'm assuming that you wish for nothing more than

to see the truth. It is true. We are advocating this round. The only purpose of this trial is to put my mother's memory to rest. I will gladly stand trial. And she makes her way to the bench. I'll go into all history for how much you impress

the logic dragon, the blue dragon. Ooh, I got a 22. 22. Yeah, it's not I'm going to use, you gave me bardic, right, Mer? Yeah. I'm not even going to use it. Awesome, cool. So how does this work?

Should I ask her things or no? Yeah, you see Thesilia takes the stand, and you are free to ask her questions. Thesilia, how did you and your siblings come by this silver hair? Oh, this? It is a traditional, nomish morning ritual to paint your hair silver. I see. Or to paint your hair whatever the color of your muscles hair was. So when an elder dies to paint your hair silver.

Will you describe what happened in your mother's final moments and why you just to turn to leave the guards out? It was a tender moment for us to see you kill our mother with that God for second flail. So we wished for a moment of peace alone. We saw a mother. Did I answer your question? No, I want to know exactly what happened. What did you do? And all of those. Can you walk me through this, you know, admittedly, probably painful moment, but this moment

in which you chose to obstruct justice? Oh, we're there! You see all the dragons go. Oh! You see all the dragons go. Ooh. I just, I think that, you know, if we want to find the truth, unfortunately you put the court in a case, in a situation in which we have to probe a personal moment, because a personal moment is no longer a personal moment when it is trying to lock up people. Very well. After the guards left, my brother, one

son, sent our youngest brother, 12 and out of the room so that he could seek help from family physician. And while 12 and left, we all share the silent moment. We all share their silent moment, we shed out tears and we waited for the physician to get there and I believe you will find that the physician will corroborate my testimony and the guards will know that nothing happened, no one was moved from the room. My mother was not moved, she remained in one place for the entire time. Okay, well now that's I actually have to object because I have proof that that room leads into another room a secret room You are going to tell me say right now that you never went into a secret room after your mother was killed Get your get your did you go into a secret room?

Drag them. Drag them just like they dragged their mother Give me an insight check if that room has not been touched drag them just like they drag their mother. Ha ha ha ha ha. Give me an insight check. If that room has not been touched, then I believe there are pictures of this throne room before and there were no claw marks. I might go for the bardic. 16.

16. Thracilia is sweating bullets. You see that Lugel tries to step in. Objection your honor, this line of questioning is leading nowhere. And then you see one of the dragons snaps at his face. Okay, okay, fine, you may proceed. You see Thricilia is like, well, the claw mocks are from something else. The claw mocks are from the family dog. They are from the family dog, the claw mocks, the claw mocks are from something else. The claw mocks are from the family dog.

They are from the family dog. The claw mocks, of course. Okay, but how come you still can't tell me exactly what happened when your mother's life left her body? Perhaps you could describe what the floor looked like or something like that when your mother... Just paint me a picture. Well, you see, it looks like what normally it looks like when a person dies, you know, she's diarrhea to herself, she shit everywhere, so clearly... Can I look at the picture I have of the secret room and see if there's a diarrhea stain?

Ha ha ha ha! Yes, yeah, you look at the picture, there is no diarrhea stain. Okay, I mean, no matter what, I do not believe that this witness is credible. This witness is clearly lying and this is continuing to obstruct the justice. They obstructed the justice on the very day and now they are complicating this criminal proceeding with more lying. And then I flash the jury once more to bribe the green dragon. Onyx, give me an intimidation check. Okay.

That is going to be at 14. 14. You see that Thurcellia is like, you have no right to tell me how, and then she looks over at Lugel and her brothers and sisters and says If that is also questioning you have Then I believe I shall

Step down from the bench Let me comfort is there something that I'm missing to ask her? Yeah, I actually have a question whenever it's my turn. Yeah, keep her on the bench I believe that you're wanted on the bench. Yes, sorry Keep her on the bench, forever. I believe that you're wanted on the bench. Yes, sorry. Unfortunately, like I said, because you keep this moment obscured to the history records,

unfortunately, that means that you have to come and go through this painful process, which I really feel for you to relive this moment so publicly. I am under the rest. I am doing my very best to recall the instances. Oh, you're doing your best to recall. Are you admitting some sort of lapse in memory? No, I'm just saying that it was a stressful moment when you murdered my mother.

Ah, I think so. This is actually quite bad to have people understand saying that they are trying their best to recall. Shadow of a doubt? More than just a shadow, I think. You see that, Lugel Objects again. Objection, Your Honor, this has gone on far enough. Please, it is time for... I know, I know shadow I think. You see that, Lugel Objects again. Objection, your honor. This has gone on far enough. Please, it is time for... I know, I'm going.

I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I flash everyone once. I give me a persuasion check. 26. Oh! With a 26, you do get the green dragon on your side. Really, I'm nothing in green dragon on your side.

Hahaha! Truly, I'm nothing in my pack to give him. This is the best I have. You see that Lugo is going to try and milk the crowd and the red dragon. So he walks up to Thursalia and says, there's a, you did very good my dear. This moon woman has really put your sisterring emotionally, but it is almost over soon She shall be behind bars and can do nothing to harm you anymore. Here blow your nose

Any answer silly a tissue and then I'm going to roll a persuasion Ooh That's only a 12 the red dragon is not buying it. Wow. And that brings us to Nyaxtern. Okay, I flash the jury quickly. Just great, great, great. Standing up. I found the queen's daughter

to not just be a credible witness, but to be an incredible witness, as in I thought it was incredible that she told us the truth between all of her lies Ladies and gentlemen of the jury The queen was murdered not by our dear Onyx But by her very children Jen starts clapping

Boom boom boom all heads turn So that is a very serious accusation you raise young man The judge kind of stares at you, but you can't elaborate yes Lugal and the Queen's children have been lying from the jump The Queen did not die in that chamber. She was not left in that chamber. She was moved.

We have hard proof. We have evidence that the queen's body left that chamber and was brought to another place. What happened there? We don't know. But what we have proven today is that the queen's own beloved children could not tell the truth. They cannot be trusted. And you'll see in this picture that, although I am invisible, I am there giving AP sign.

My brother's the man. Cool, thank you for letting us know. Ha ha ha! Um, Nyak. That was wonderful. Go ahead and roll intimidation with advantage for pressing the witness like you're doing now. Okay.

No! You still have your party, right? No, I used it. Oh, I used it. I used it. What'd you get? I got an 11? Okay, um Go in real insight on that Intimidation if that makes sense. You are

Pressuring Thricelia and the other children see how they react to it Insights the two man. I don't know what to tell you. No, I act tired. I'm already standing up and adjusting my blazer. When you understand it, as Nyaxe Ranger, I'm a warlock. We don't really have a lot of abilities. Everything is zero, and if it's not zero, it's minus one. I don't know. Nyeh does the worm away from the stand.

Yeah. Can I roll to see, can I roll performance to see if I do the worm well? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. That's an 11. Your honor. This is all conjecture and here say,

this man he raises false claims to distract you Anzajori from the true justice which must be dealt here today as such I will present one more piece of evidence which I think will aid this strong case that I have already built here today and you see he presents with a flick of his wrist an x-ray depicting the damage inflicted on the queen. As you can see here, clearly, the queen's body was pierced by a shop weapon and that is the source of a demise,

further proof of her action. And if you would like, you can all make an investigation check on this picture. Can I just not even make an investigation check? I don't think a mall does piercing damage. It's bludgeoning. Do you want to sacrifice your turn and object? Oh yeah, can I?

Objection! My mall in which everyone here, as a tested, I used, does bludgeoning damage and not piercing. We'll show you ourselves if you'll let us hit you in the face with it You creepy ass children So if a piercing damage is what ended the queen then Unfortunately for the children that cannot be me Should check the evidence the evidence is false

Ah, ah, shoot, eject the evidence. The evidence is false. Corrupt evidence. Throw it out, throw it out, throw it out. Ah, you see the dragon snatch away the evidence, preventing the lugal from making a roll to try and persuade them. Oh, yes, this goes more interesting. That is going to be Jens turn.

Sweet, I'm gonna try to make this as performance as possible. I flop forward Willy Wonka style. I go like, oh, the children's deception has given me a heart attack. I clutch my heart, I fall forward, and then I roll, and then I pop back up and I go, except I know the truth. I hit the fog machine. I start lightly dancing. Don't forget the music, Nyak. I'm just dancing to silence right now. It's probably what my speaking is to it.

It won't connect to the speaker. Right? It's OK. I don't need it. So the gnomes of this land, if they were to dye their hair, they would use some form of magic. Would they not? If it was a product, it would still be a product that was some kind of magic. Correct? Yes, of course. You see that all the gnomes in the quarter like, oh yes, that is true. Most of our products are

magic, yes indeed. Right. If you'll remember the video before, you'll see that the children did not have silver hair. They did not have silver hair until their mother died. Thracilia lied many times, but I believe her most telling lie was that she died her hair after her mother died. I believe their hair turned silver after their mother died because then they gained the power to become an aspect of Nados. This murder was done for power. Her hair is not dyed, it was earned. It was earned the moment they murdered their mother with a piercing weapon I cast a spell

magic at a seventh level. Your hair will stay silver because this is no diet all And holy shit the music starts really loud right now you cast this spell The hair stays the same the only thing that happens is her natural Divinabilities kick you into try and to try and reject your magic. Her eyes glow silver and she says, Enough! We did what must be done. Our mother was a tyrant. We were going to rule the 12 of us at Council of Siblings.

It was going to be our time, our empire. And sin, this foolish uprising, this petite civil war, it ruined everything! How could you? Ah! She begins to gather power. You see the other children start to like sway as they gather power as well, attempting to like blast you with divine energy, but then the dragons WOOOOO! Silence! Justice shall be served this day! And Jans, after your turn, the Black Dragon is going to make an inside-chuck on all three

of you. That is an 18. The dragon reads your hearts. I'll also give the dragon bark his brain. You have to have to have the answer. Yes, okay. Very cool. That's an 8. That is a 26.

Nice. The black dragon reads your hearts. And nods solemnly. It seems that justice, true justice, lurks in places you would not expect. You have helped us find the truth of this matter and we are satisfied. You see the black dragon's eyes glow, then she rears her head back and breathes a column

of pure black flame. The Noma's children look terrified of this flame and they stop casting the spells they were casting and they sit back down. And then the judge sees this and bangs his gaville. BANG! BANG! BANG! It seems the jury has made their final decision. If you have a closing argument, please make it now. Um, you see, Lugel is like,

no, we fucked up. We're done. Ha ha ha ha ha. I mean, it might be nice to watch this video that we have of the children coming out after their mother has died and to see if their hair is suddenly silver. You see the judges like, a very good idea. Attorney Onyx. Baylif, fetch the video. You see the bailiff runs out, and then after a brief recess comes back in with even more security tapes, he flicks it up onto the crystal.

And you do see the continuation of the video. You see Captain Leita outside waiting with the other guards. You see the physician going in with some other medical attendants, and then you see the physician coming out, looking a little crustfallen, and the two attendants carrying the queen on a stretcher, and following the queen are her children, their eyes glowing, and their hair now billowing with this silver energy. Interesting, Thricella, in all what you couldn't recall was this moment. You couldn't remember, I understand you're on the great stress,

but you didn't remember suddenly dying your hair. You may be innocent of this crime, but you still stole a nomad's relic. You are not innocent here today. And the gavel will prove it. Judge, I've had enough of this charade. Make them hold the gavel. Make their judgment clear. You see the judge nods, Indeed, it is time. The jury shall now make their final judgment. And as that happens, you see, the jury all begin wriggling their heads in unison,

and they speak. We find the defendant guilty, indeed, on one charge. The theft of the verbal socket. However, on the theft of the Vorpal's socket. However, on the count of murder, we find the children of Hendelia, Guilty, and Onyx, Nyak and Jins, fully innocent. And as the dragon speak, you see the jewels on the gavill gleam with power, and the judge nods

and beckons you forward. Very well, please, come forward and take this gavill to receive your judgment. Um, and the judge lowers himself down via the little elevator on his bench and comes forward to you to present the gavill. I take out the egg. Please first we must have the judgment. Okay, first things first I give my last two bardics to these two guys Okay, I'm not hungry. Thank you for this egg. It is traditional that you bribe the green dragon Okay, fine. What do we we hold this hammer?

Yes indeed just hold the hammer in the judgment will be bestowed all right, okay triplets and in we all one hand One hand awesome what six two hands, but they're all attached to one person Right two hands one heart three legs one great So you all touch the hammer and suddenly touch hammer And suddenly time freezes. It feels similar to a spell that Nalar might have cast on you in one of your previous battles. You look down at the gavel and see that the flat face of the hammer now has a mouth and

eyes. Ah, so it is time for judgment to be bestowed. Hmm, I can see that your hearts are, well, pure might not be the right word, but in the right place, let's say. You are guilty of one thing indeed, stealing, but that is petty compared to the task ahead, and the power you hold to make things right. And as a hammer, as a gavel of justice, that is what I am most concerned with. So I will let you off with, let's say a slap on the wrist. Each of you must give up something of yourself,

so that you can become the arbiter of justice I know you can be. If you do that we shall call it even and you shall be released from this temporal prison. Sound good? Yes. One thing, one part of yourself. Given unto me, and then you shall be free, and absolved of all crime, here and across all of Trinivan.

My hands shake as they go to my terrarium and I reach for Katie. I think I know what part of me I need to give up in order to live a more just life. Who is this guy? Does he not the party? Yeah Katie, he's got me a really good life for you. As you are doing this you see DJ and Kenny walk in from the vending machine room. Say we got deep inside the vending machine and we stole all the rollos. Yes you guys have to go too.

Why? I don't think you count for us because we don't like you but you also will go with Katie They are also a part of yourself indeed Okay, you see the hammer flies out of your hand and wham wham wham just Bash is all three of your parasites Yes, I Fall to the floor and absolute mess Wham! Just... PASH is all three of your parasites. Oh! Yes!

What? Yes! I fall to the floor and absolute mess. Jesus, me and Kenny didn't get along, but come on! What did I do? I thought it was supposed to be a metaphorical thing, but I killed the ascender to be dead. I have a murderer after all.

I have a murderer! Your essence. Oh, she was so good. So pure, so honest, so mean. Put a chicken minnugget on my grave every day. Don't do it. She can be a human in the afterlife. Every day you're gonna go back. You can't go on vacation.

I can go through the drive through every single day. She's terrible needs of vacation what I need is to punish myself for what I Further squish her I step on whatever's left Justice has been served and must the trial conclude Trialkenglue! Time resumes and you are free of your parasites. Yes. And also free of every charge brought against you. Not guilty, baby. Not guilty!

Come, Vic, me. Come, Vic, me. What? You did my fault, Gady, you scorn. Let's get out of here before we get ourselves executed because I feel like nine times out of ten That's what happens when we work together as some team of lawyers So while you're celebrating you see Keith runs over to you and says oh So it's amazing you survived clearly as a gavel must have seen good things in you you and says, oh, that is amazing. You survived. Clearly, the

gavel must have seen good things in you. I guess all that's left is to touch the hammer to the egg. Oh, yes, that is what we came here to do. Uh, Nyak sort of motions like he's going to back away and give them some space, but he just sits down at the bench near them to listen. Yeah. Yeah. Jens also just stands there.

Yes, the hammer. Yes, let's go do our mission. Unless there was something else. Onyx, I... I had, not grab Jens's hand in place, I'm over it, sit on the bench. We can listen, but let's just not stand right up and I'm sorry. What are you guys waiting to listen to?

I'm a bit confused. I feel like you guys need closure. Okay, you want a show? I put on a show. Hey, Keith. You flush the jury three times. At least we can do with good show. Yes.

That was pretty cool. I must admit, I have to say you have been a very, very good person in my life. But I just condemned a very toxic person to the end of her life. So, I'm just not going to be in a relationship place for I think a while, you know, it just was all a lot. And I killed there. I killed Katie. Number one, I killed guy watched them kill her, like she was just some sort of she was a bug. She was a bug. She was an actual bug Keith, and it was fine. She was an actual bug. Yes, she was a manifestation of power that calling was simply going to steal from you.

It's probably better this way. She was just 100% bad. There just was nothing redeeming. Keith, whether or not I know it's better for me, it still hurts. You know, can you feel, can you join me there if you've that thought? Onyx, yes.

And it is okay for things to hurt. Because when things hurt, you know that one day you will feel better. Okay. And I will remember the good and the bad and everything in between Onyx. And when I do I will smile. Okay. Well, I guess what I'm trying to say is I definitely want to fuck you against up. Oh yes, absolutely yes. Naya kids the smoke machine.

I just, it's going to be, it's going to be a little time because this was very traumatic. Naya turns off the smoke machine. It's gonna smoke for a little bit anyway, but I don't, just don't feel any pressure, but it's gonna, Onyx, if you wanna work all this stuff out, by just texting the prints in my name,

it would be helpful because I'm having a hard time keeping up with all this. So, we're not together, but we can still fuck. I'm saying, why don't we just sort of, we deal with it later. You know, let me, I think I just need to, you know, I can... Just punt it.

Yeah, can we punt just need to, you know, I can just punch it. I can, yeah, can we punch this? Okay, yes. I understand. Very cool. You've bathed wonderfully except for the part where you asked me if I wanted to be your girlfriend right before we went into trial. Okay, you know what, live and learn. I feel like just try to be better. Yes, okay. But you have wonderfully, but you know, I need some time. I do blame my boys for that, but you know what, that's not right. I need to accept responsibility.

Anyway, again, I cherish every moment. Let's still be friends. Let's kick cashews ass and save the world. And when I am done mourning Katie, we can absolutely have some crazy sex. I'll keep my calendar open. Okay, don't be too desperate though. You're...

Okay. Anyways, I put the egg under the gavel. Before you can touch the hammer to the egg You hear a familiar voice Oh dear Well, shucks y'all god damn it. I was hoping you would get the death penalty Certainly would have made my life a lot easier It's pretty inhumane actually the death penalty. Yeah super fucked up. Get

different political opinions loser. Yeah. You know what you're right it's a bit harsh but it wouldn't work in my favor so I'm gonna allow it. That's a problematic way to view the world. What a terrible POV. My god. I just ignore texts from the princess I'm saying these things. My god, I just ignore texts from the princess. I'm saying these things How can you just how could you just use somebody like this? Yeah, that's this is where we draw the line As you're making your case against the death penalty You look over and see the bodies of the nomist children and their lawyer, Shutter, then they turn silver and begin melding together into this giant form of cash's face.

It kind of flickers in waves in front of you and then begins to speak. Oh, are you surprised? I kidnapped these kids ages ago. Why y'all was living it up at that wedding? Anyway, I'm just here to let you know that I'm actually gonna be accelerating the timetable on my little master plan. Thought I might extend you that small courtesy.

I think you just really like us. You talk to us a lot. You're obsessed with us. You're obsessed with me, guys. Stop. Oh, stop it. Everybody's obsessed with me these days. You're right. Maybe it is just Jen. You're obsessed with Jen.

You're obsessed with Jen. You're kind of a god. What's your deal? I mean, it's the last chance I'll get to have a little fun before everyone's under my control. So I might as well take it. Anyway, he is what's gonna happen. As he talks, the giant head morphs into this huge silver mirror. And on the mirror, you see coin in his godly form, speaking to you from what appears to be the top of a skyscraper in Vénadas. I got a bit tired of waiting

for the moons to align, so I figured I'd utilize one of my newfound abilities, courtesy of Nala. Coin's' hands start to glow. He turns to face the moons hanging peacefully in the skies above, and fires the most powerful haste spell you've ever seen directly at them. My god those moons are fast. The beams strike the planetoids, causing them to glow with a strange light. Then suddenly, the moons begin to move, inching closer and closer towards alignment. Suddenly, the mirror melts back into a chorus of coin, which chuckles in unison. Ha ha ha. Better clear your schedules.

The children all snap their fingers and then explode into a pile of silver cockroaches. Ah! That's pretty cool. Skackroaches are kind of better than children. I tried to stop them. You see the cockroaches all skitter into the cracks and crefuses of the court.

Just like a child. Bye-bye! As this happens, you look over at Keith and see that his face has gone totally pale. He mutters to himself and starts running calculations in his head. Oh, this is very bad. Yeah, this is. Before cash cast that spell, we had three weeks to prepare.

Now, we only have three days. And that is where we'll end our session. Woohoo! Woohoo! Yeah! Woohoo! Just so everyone knows, Jens was wearing a full Phoenix right costume during the whole thing. Cool. Fan artist take note.

Please. Ah, well done, you did it. You solved the mystery of the murder of the clockwork queen. Yeah. Ah, damn, we played mock trial. That was, that was fucking, y'all brought the heat with that. That was really fun. That was great.

I am very excited to talk more about it on the short rest. Which you can of course find at patreon.com, a slash nad pod. Don't sing it. Oh, don't sing it. Oh, no, I did it for a second. I'm gonna swatch you with a newspaper. Don't sing it.

Oh, oh my God. It wasn't that hard. It wasn't, I didn't hit you that hard. The fact that you did it at all. It wasn't, I didn't eat you that hard. The fact that you did it at all. Ha ha ha. Uh, well, let's forget about that act of cruelty and move on to some plugs.

I would like to plug our PO box. We had some fun stuff sent to us there. If you would like to send us things, you can of course do it at 1920 Hillhurst Avenue, number 222, Los Feliz, California, 90027. We got a couple of fun things. Ooh, we got a Blu-ray DVD box set of The Lord of the Rings trilogy from Austin B. Thank you.

Wow. Thank you. That's the extended versions, baby. You know each of those movies is nine hours at least. So incredible. So indulgent. From Elizabeth L, we got a giant crocheted rose. Oh, baby.

Big. Wow. And I wish that we could all record together because it'd be fun to like pass it around when we're doing the roses. So just picture that in your head. Yeah. Someday, someday again.

Someday. And then lastly, we got from Emma H. A. K. A. Rhonda, the Half-Work Barbarian, who is the proud small business owner of a rodent and pest extermination service. Some very sweet notes and a bottle of sudden wisdom whiskey. We cannot wait to share it. Next time, we're all together.

Hell yes. Did anyone have anything else they wanted to plug? Just the show. Oh yeah, listen to the show. Check out Not Another D&D Podcast. Check it out. Check out our show. It's called Not Another D&D Podcast.

Rate and subscribe. Tell your friends about it. Here's the thing. Listen to it while you listen to it. Hmm. Hell yeah. Beautiful. I would also like to give a shout out to Henry A

for the D&D Beyond subscription he gave me, which I used to plan out these fun little sessions. It was fun to look at Teama Stats for the jury. Because. Wow. That's really funny. You couldn't fight her, but it's fun to have her in there. Trevor Lyon for producing and Daniel Ramos and K. Matsuo for sound mixing and music.

You can find Trevor on Twitter at Lyon at large. Daniel at Schubertz and you can also find K on Twitter with at night sharks. That's with two S's. Also thanks to Yens Christian T for composing some of the music you heard in this episode. Yens was actually at the trial. They were the court sketch artists and they did some very unflattering portraits of all three of you.

What? James? Excuse me. And most importantly, thank you so much to my nieces and nephews for playing with me. Thank you, don't go. Thank you. It's fun to get a little grisham with you this time. You can of course find all of them on Twitter at CHMurfismurf, at eAXFord, it is Emily,

at Jake Herwitz, and at cally is me. Ooh, you can also tweet about the show using hashtag in a DDPOD. We are the nation. We are the nation. You the nation. Very nice. That was fine. It's the end of the show, everybody. And that means I need to shout out our benevolent council of elders starting with Jeffrey S. Andrew M. Beardman Dan, Brad D. Cutter W. and Danielle the Dastardly Dame, the nomish engineers responsible for winding all the clocks in the nom lands every once in

a while when they're feeling wild. They'll switch to daylight savings time as a goof. Danny P. Dillon B. Alain A. C. Howdor Frostback, Steelbreaker, and John S. A.K.A., Shupr at the Mushroom, a group of teens who are planning on renting out the rich, Snarleton, penthouse for their prom after party. Now thanks to Retrieval team 22, they've been forced to watch friends in Danny P's parents basement, total mood killer.

Jordan DJ, Scott D, Adam R. Mixologist Michael McD, Boundores Boy, and Jive G. Nome Landy and Detectives who are all really embarrassed. They missed the claw marks on the ground in the throne room, and their defense, none of them are as good at doing the worm as Nyak. Justin I, Elena M, Jacob C, Damio R, cyborg version of Josh the Colbalt, and T.J.M. the Nome Barbarian, other suitors who attempted to woo Prince Aster, unfortunately none of them shared at Jen's truly sincere love of money and fame.

Destin C, Traile the Cray Faye, Sergio Salazar, Salaman, Sakurai, Stasequani, Kelvin Nudles, and Michael L, Keith's friends who are trying to help him cope with the breakup by sharing funny memes in the group chat. Unfortunately, all the funniest memes in Trinnevale are made by Klasspco, so it's a real pickle. Richard X Machina, Trass the Traveler, Jorias and Ryan Wizards, who recently invented a dimensional door knob so powerful it can teleport you past airport security and directly to the Chili's to go.

Troy McSee, Mike H, Nicholas C. Sam L. and Samuel B. The Elven Druids who invented the Star Banana. They've been hard at work developing new crops and are excited to debut their new fruit, a tomato that can scream later this year. Zolo Dolo, Austin MR, Gage M, Colton B, Curtis S, and Yens Christian T. A crew of friends who, each on their own are tough hangs,

but when they all come together, one of the most solid crews you'll ever see. Matthew E, Andrew B, Reese NS, Eric and Andrea B, Kaley Elise, and Jordan L, various other nomish guards that were about to be called as witnesses in the case against Onyx. They were drunk and watching a UFC fight at the time, so their testimony might not have been the most accurate. Matt M. Barnes and Ador, C.C. Lulu, Jarrity, and J. Nomish video game creators who are currently programming a Phoenix Wright clone called Jens Lindell, Bard Attorney. The famous objection point has been replaced by a dispel magic, but the game is otherwise exactly the same. Christopher B, Dana G, Joe McGee, Persephone, Aiden RH, and Austin C, the jury alternates

who were super excited that a 5-headed dragon was called ahead of them so that they wouldn't have to serve on the court. Eric G, Aaron S, Lucas B, Luke H, and Timmy R, another family of nomish siblings with silver hair as soon as they heard about the outcome of the trial. They had been furiously searching for hair dies so they won't also be implicated. They're thinking of going blonde. Zach C. Devon W. Michelle O. and Dan, the greatest illegal defense team in all of the Nomelands. Unfortunately, they were too expensive, so Retrieval Team 22 had to go with Onyx's ex-boyfriend. Omriam, Maxwell C, Mike K, Steven C, and Nikki W,

a team of pro bono defense lawyers who are about to step in with the Obsidian defense, a theory that Onyx could not have knowingly committed murder with Obsidians' insane brain constantly eating at her mind. Grace G, Karen T, Shane B, Kevin M, Mateo C. and Raul N. The groomsman at Jens' wedding to the Prince. That's right, he hasn't responded to any of the Prince's texts, but he has begun planning a lavish wedding. Maribel the Kitty Morphing gnome. Angel B. Esmaeam. I am the atlas and Michael C. Rebecca's

solid work friends. They might not be actual friends, but they're also solid at the potential is definitely there. Nicholas P. Robert F. Atticusy, Kazmir the all-knowing, royal guests who were staying in a suite next to the Princess quarters and were kept up all night by the sounds of Gens rolling around in gold for 11 hours straight. Chris R. Nicholas D. Michael K.M. Pan James, Eric McDee, and Nathaniel P. Documentary producers at H.B. Nome, who plan on doing a true crime series based on the No-Mesh Queen's betrayal called Dragons, Deception, and Dispel Magic, the death of No-Mesh Queen, a Mark Wahlberg production.

Rebecca O. Nick L. Jack L. Temporal, Burley T. and Christian A. The Magical Crew of Trinnyville's Jet Blue. They've got the power to teleport, shoot fireballs, and yes, they have pop chips. J. Dragonborn, Jonathan O. Michael M. The Red Rain, and Drew Nasty, the Princess Pals who are equally rich and out of touch. They offer the prince helpful relationship advice like, send a golden sw, full of money as a thank you! KJ, Hordeaux-Faux, Dave H and Fildonis, Katie's friend group. Luckily, they're also toxic that they won't care when they find out that Katie has been destroyed. Grant, Adrian the Halfling Bard, Eric B, John HN, and Adam G,

in the alternate reality where the friends are real people and not actors, these five people all live in the same building as Ross. Grants is even on friendly high buy terms with him. Pretty neat. New York, Nick W. Ryan W. Axel A, Christian S, and Catherine S. Katie's pals. They love to cruise around the streets with the top down on Nick's Volkswagen Cabralay, but now that Katie is super dead, they're all going to somberly cruise to her funeral. Shadow, Ben A, Douglas A, Nathan, Big Bad John, Brittany B, Keith's friends who convinced

him to tell Onyx about his feelings. Not entirely sure they gave him the best advice on timing, but they were ultimately trying to do Keith a solid so they have my respect. Emilio D, Frankie Koala, Keith Kay, Cody B, Felix F, and David K, a bunch of key chain robots who are all fighting bravely in the battle for Circuit City. They're sadly outnumbered and could use just one more friend. It's a shame that key chain was kind of socially pressured into sticking around with the triplets. Richard J.M, Aston S. Cody C. Fettiedaddy 187. Pork Chop and Rafael O. The team of dance instructors who taught Niaq the worm. The one thing they didn't seem to teach him isn't appropriate time to do the worm.

The Sondrayan, Chanel M. Hannah W. Alice, D.D. Hunter, and Jonathan Deb C. A 6-headed dragon who runs the Department of Education in the Nome City. They kind of have a multi-headed dragon for every different branch of government or publicly funded program. Not sure it's a great move. Justin Raccoon, Cronch, Patrick B, Alice A, Master of Puppos, and Minette F,

Trick Talk, Trinfluencers, who would love nothing more than for Jens Lindell official to join their platform. So they can cyber bully him Ooh, thank you all so much for listening Thank you to all of our listeners all of our patreon subscribers and of course our benevolent counsel of elders You can head on over to patreon.com slash nad pod to listen to our short rest We'll be back next week with another episode. Thank you all so much. We'll catch you all next time That was a hit down podcast

We'll be back next week with another episode. Thank you all so much. We'll catch you all next time.