Not Another D&D Podcast - Trinyvale - Ep. 3: Disco Detectives

Episode Date: May 18, 2020

As another whimsical weekend dawns on the city of Vay'Nullar, Team 22 works overtime in search of the third mysterious Ginnarak crystal. Nyack fails his liquor check, Onyx becomes a brand ambassador, and Jens goes full coyote ugly. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Trinyvale is produced by Marissa Melnyk (@MarsMel)Sound Design by Daniel Ramos (www.TheDanielRamos.com and @Dr.Schubird on IG)Additional Sounds and Loops by SoundsnapAdditional Music by Daniel RamosTrinyvale Intro and Outro music composed by Emily AxfordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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the Trinavale episodes. And he's been absolutely knocking it out of the park. So I wanted to give him a special plug. If you would like to hire Daniel or see some of his work, you can check out DanielRamos.com. That's R-A-M-O-S, or by going to his Instagram, Dr. Schubert, that's DR period SCH-U-B-I-R-D, Dr. Schubert. Thanks so much, and now that that's out of the way, it is time to start the show. This is a Headgun podcast. Welcome to Trinavale. Trinav Welcome to Trinavale.

Trinavale. Trinavale. Trinavale. Strengthened by the children's voices. A world where ancient and new overlap. Cultures and customs collide and your new robot roommate auto keeps hogging the bathroom. Ah. I don't get out of there, man.

He's slogging it with chips. Naya, he has a bucket on the roof. You don't need to use the bathroom. Where does this weird bowl for? This is where I eat my arcane cereal. No, no, no, no. Actually, that's fine. That's your problem, not mine.

Keychain. I like to wash my socks in here. I wear socks now. It is a true adventurers paradise. Today's story begins in the season streets of the Vainelar spice district. As the sun sets on the massive spires of the local salt factory, our adventurers and their off-sauce supervisor, Blavin, gather below a small neon sign that reads, Club Silver, Vain-Alar is premiered, dance, and entertainment venue. It seems that somewhere in this subterranean dance hall,

the third Gennarack crystal awaits. Can our heroes handle this club? And more importantly, can this club handle them? Oh. Only time will tell. And so without further ado, let's rejoin

Retrieval team 22 and begin chapter three of the Trinavale adventure. We're going clubbing. Yeah, Vanny. Gender standing far away from the other two. On X's a feverishly looking for her moon passport so she can get in. What did I put? Definitely a thing dreaded book. Third of worry, I have faces for everyone. I'm 40. Oh, can I have a

fake? That sounds nice. I like to keep a low profile. Sometimes I just like to be someone else. Yeah, meet to I understand. Hello, friends. And welcome back to the table. I'm your dungeon master and or dunkel called well Tanner joined by who wants to introduce themselves first should we roll for it? Sure. Alright. Oh, nice roll going up top.

Three, fifteen. Five. Ooh, fifteen. Yes. Start us off. Niaq of the Renafor. That's all we need to keep going. Uh, annex, Lumiere.

Um, no, shit, I didn't come up with this. There are usually orlock in a Victorian frock, menace in a pastel dress. That's pretty good. Frogs came up with that? Or lock in a frock? That's like, that's incredible. That's incredible. God.

Jen's Lindell, not a poet, but a poet of dance. Poetry and motion. Jen's Lindell, not a poet, but a poet of dance. Poetry and motion. Jen's Lindell, poetry and motion. She's good to eat the shine of the club, brother. I am dressed like a very fancy pirate, like all in like black and white with like a really

nice coat and very long boots. Ooh. Little hat. And I'm standing very far away from you guys. I'm already obviously in my Victorian pantsuit, but I would like to introduce my compatriots to a new aspect of my life. As you see me, I'm holding my flail and my shield. However, I sheath my flail,

I don't know if you can sheath a flail, but Onyx can, and then drop my sword and summon my Pact of the Blade weapon, a giant intimidating looking mall. Nice. That is pastel violet. You are literally going clubbing. You brought a giant club. Merp says hell yeah.

Merp says hell yeah, but Jen says, maybe we don't whip out weapons as we're answering. Maybe I didn't make this clear. That's part of my packed feature. And I make it appear and disappear at will. That's pretty cool. You see it? You don't.

It's got. It's a concert. Did see it. Yeah. You did it right in front of him. Before we start, first of all, I want to give a shout out to Marissa, our producer, Gracias Mara. On the ones, twos, and every other number and letter on the keyboard.

And then also, I want to give a shout out to Henry Alexander, who gave me a D&D Beyond subscription, which has been very helpful in planning all of these adventures. Thank you. Now, I know y'all are all excited to freak it on the dance floor. But first, how about a recap of our last episode? Last time we met, you boarded a slupe with Blavin and headed deep into the salden sea in search of the second Ginnaratupe with Blavin and headed deep into the salt and sea in search of the second Ginnarac crystal.

However, instead of plunging into the depths of the ocean, you ascended into the sky on an elevated platform that took you right into the heart of the Seeru cloud lands. Once there, you discovered the wreckage of the SS Sunkiller, an airship piloted by a group of Nalarian monks. It seems the monks crash landed on the cloud bank on their way back from a salvage mission to the Sunderd continent of Ginorak. After a brief encounter with some ferocious moth people known as Wullybugs, you boarded the ship and discovered that everyone on board had been murdered by a band of deadly marauders known as the Dread Horizon. Luckily all the crew members carried Mimostone recorders and you were able to piece together the events

that transpired aboard the ship. With the help of your new robotic friend Otto and the steamy contents of a hastily hidden Mimostone, you managed to make it into the captain's quarters, where you discovered the Chrono Scouper, a grappling gun that lets you retrieve items from the moment in the past when they were marked by the device. With very little hesitation, you opened a portal to the past and encounter the masked leader of the dread horizon, attacking the captain and stealing the Gennarat crystal. Naya attempted to snatch the crystal from him,

but there was too much jam on his fingers and he missed. Ha ha ha, forgot about that. Naya accident. I don't know if you've not saved his family. I hope you've shown the right to steal them. I have not. And so I've been waiting on the roof for it to rain. Oh, the jam is just like baked in the sun.

It's hard. It's just so crusty. And so instead of firing it again, all four of you dive through the portal to attack this mysterious figure. But before you could lift blade, bow, or flail on enormous woolly bug queen named Mother Morath burst through the wall of ship and began attacking you. It seems the dread horizon wasn't the only party that wanted the crystal. In the confusion, the sky pirates' mask was knocked off and he was revealed to be none other than Raster von Vinehart, the wood elf who killed Jens' father by beheading him after a duel. Jen's coolie decided to prioritize the mission and was able to defeat Morath, but unfortunately

Rass managed to escape. As Onyx dawned her brand new moth-mansel cloak, the now-living crew of the sun-killer rushed into the room to celebrate your victory. But before you could relax, you realized that the chronoscoper had gone missing. In its place, you found a note written in glowing blue ink that only you could read. It said, dang, watching y'all work is such a treat. Also, I'm taking this scoopy thingy. Hope that's cool. Can't wait to work with you again real soon.

Bye, sweeties. XOXO. ZZ. by Sweeties, exo exo. Z. Z. As you lamented the loss of your cool ass time gun, Blavin contacted you and explained that to avoid further fucking with the timeline, you should stay on the boat until the universe's chronological algorithm could repair itself. Without hesitation, you party to board the SS Sunkiller for a week, then rejoined Blavin on his slupe.

As the moons of Trinaville Rose, you arrived back at the Wesren coast and headed home unaware that an anguished rest was watching you from the shadows. And now we are all caught up. Who are you already to hit the club? Absolutely. I forgot about my man's little mom, so I look even better for the club. You look good. Well, we'll see. We'll see how good you look. Okay, you all hop in line. And as you inch forward, Blavin, who is with you, begins briefing you on the details of today's mission.

So they've been a factor recently received reports that a Ginerac crystal had surfaced on the Vainelari and Black Markets. After greasing a few poems, we discovered that the rumors were true and that the owner of this club plans on auctioning off the crystal to the highest bidder tonight. Since a reputable businessman like the Minnefactor can be associated with such a CD establishment, it's up to us to infiltrate and recover the crystal. Preferably while making as little a fuss as possible. Do you think you can do that? Absolutely.

Yes, sorry. Blabbinger, you're sweating. You're shaking. Do you need a drink? What, no. You have to, you have to sweat, your fingers are shaking. Sun's still up, but I'm fine. Don't worry about me.

I'm good to go. I've got a nip in my purse if you need one. No, I've got to keep a clear head. I'm on the mission today. Normally I sit back, but I'm going into the club with you. Oh, that's a terrible news. And then you're going to all get to see club lavin. OK, so you're going to have a drink real quick.

Oh, so I'll have to play this club. It's pretty big. Actually, it's massive. Like, many of the structures in Vaynerlard was built kind of on top of a nomish culture. So there's a lot of, it's basically a large nomish cavern that the city has been built on top of. So you will see very shortly how big the club is,

but first we're gonna need to get past this bouncer. That's true, actually, so I cannot find my moon passport. Do you have a fake I could use? I've got mask of many faces, just like maybe this, I like making myself look like a sweet southern girl. I don't know, sweet southern elf, it doesn't seem like that. That's what you're talking about. Lavin looks in his wallet, has a couple of fake IDs

ready to go. Okay, great. Let's see, what would you like? I've got halfling elf ork. I've got dragonborn. Really any of these speaking to you. I believe I could go for dragonborn. Okay, alright This one is your name. That's for it. Hold on. Your name is Kidno Lunger. Kidno Lunger. Yes, you are now a dragon. Kidno Lunger. Okay, there you can bin sing black dragon boy. I hope this is this isn't for you drinking with minors. Is it what you know Secret stuff. I've been kicked out of a lot of bars. Okay. Yes, I can believe that various reasons

Yeah, people get kicked out of bars. Sometimes you have a little too much fun. You said you've been kicked out of many bars. Sure, people get kicked out of bars, but few people get kicked out of many bars. What can I say, I'm a road dog. I like to travel around. I like to see this. I live in a cool part of town. There's a lot of new restaurants and bars opening up.

For you to get kicked out of? I'm just saying, I want to test the whole bag. A dragon-born IDs that say kid no longer I'm an amateur drinker if you are I have a blog It's called Lavon's blog. I will not be reading it He's log on to my blaven blog You can read all about which tapas I've enjoyed at the Vain-Lauri and restaurants and cafes from the area I just checked it out on my mobile and there it is riddled

with typos, Blavin. Oh gosh, yes. Such blurry photos. That's imagine many of the pictures don't load. I can't afford a spell. Yeah, you use the flash. The calamari looks disgusting. Ha, ha, ha.

I don't have a very good camera on this page. Just don't take it. You don't even have a blog. Blavin blog with two Gs for some reason. You just not have a very good camera on this page. Just don't take it. You don't even have a blog. The blog, the blog, with two Gs for some reason. You just not have a blog. For some reason, all your pictures of cocktails, the cocktails are blurry in the foreground. And all I can see is the background patrons judging you.

I thought that was artsy. I thought it was an artsy decision show that I, the blur of the pastiche of the club live. I see. As you approach the front of the line, you notice something strange, or normally a bouncer would stand, you see only a large iron door.

It suddenly swings open and usheres in a pack of dwarves with glow sticks braided into their beers. Then slams shut automatically. You realize you're now at the front of the line? What do you do? Yeah, I walk up to the bouncer. I hand over my ID. I've masked many faces, so I've cast a sky-cell phone myself to look like this dragonborn. And I say, hello, I am kid no longer.

Zee. Dragonborn. A small slit opens in the door, revealing two large mischievous eyes. Hello, ugly strangers! Okay, I will. Nye act turns around to see who it's talking to you. I'm talking to all four of you. You big doofuses. You look real bad. I thought you were...

That is patently untrue. I thought you wanted to come into the club, but you're wearing rags and garbage clothes. I'm not wearing a shirt at all. How dare you. Yeah, you look best of all of us. Elven. Fineery. I can't. If he does not look a shirt at all. How dare you. Yeah, you were wearing Elven Finery. If he does not look the best of all of us, that is ridiculous. I can prove it right now. I am wearing Zorel for a wooly bug.

Yeah, it's disgusting. They're so blood creeping down it. Naya has a brand new tattoo of a bow tie on his neck. I was just like, but still, I got very fancy for this. I try to stick my hand through, I'm so offended that he doesn't like my outfit. I try to stick my hand through the lily hole. Just let closes on your fingers.

Ow! You monster. Let us in. Slop silver is a super exclusive swanky good time place, and I can't let you in unless you are tied properly. Good bye! Okay, wait, wait, wait, um. Nope, the gnome presses a button and suddenly two thin robotic arms,

chink slide up from either side of the door and begin pushing you to the side. I throw down my glove. I will fight you, you mechanical arm. I'm the hottest person. Yeah, it comes. It has ever come to the stupid club. You don't deserve Jemseling down.

You drop your ugly glove. I'm just, I'm a- I have my brother and other glove. I'm casting disguise I'm- I have my brother another glove. Casting disguise self on myself, because I can do it at will, so I'm just changing outfits desperately. Just being like, what? No, I'm-

Jumpsuit. Versus and before. Overall. Oh, those are so out, sister. Um, ball gown. I'm wearing a ball gown. Mm. Why did you like it?

You look like a stupid little rave dwarves. I thought they were funny. They had colorful lights in their hair. He likes glow sticks. Oh, I look like a raver. Just guys sell for a raver. That doesn't really work on you. Blav in your blog said nothing about a dress code.

I'm sorry. They seems like they've updated the dress code. Blav in a new real-time. Blav in a new real-time. Blav in a new real-time. Blav in a new real-time. Blav in a new real-time. Blav in a new real-time. Blav in a new real-time So it's like, in real or more. I'm humiliated and I watched my father killed in front of the crowd. It's okay.

It's the worst day. That sounds more devastating than you're really. Don't worry, we'll figure something out. Blavin looks around and he's like, oh, right there. And he points to a photo booth to your left. And you kind of walk over to it. And you realize that it's not a photo booth. It is a finer illusions instant makeover booth

brought to you by Delirios Curios. Oh, wonderful. This will do perfectly. So Blavin inserts some gold into the slot and then he slips into the booth. A flashing light emanates from behind the thick curtain and moments later he emerges wearing a crushed green velvet suit

complete with Pramorian leather boots and an enormous lacy cravat. I walk in and do the same exact outfit. Okay, for that, how much gold do you have on you? 25. Great, that's 10 gold for that outfit. This is a pricey outfit. I. I'm gonna look at this. I'm gonna quickly, so no one else is in here. I'm gonna look at the sales rack.

It's an instant booth. You basically put in the amount of money and then think about the outfit you want. Okay. Yeah, I'll do 10 gold and do the same thing as black. So you're both wearing, I come out thinking that that's what we're all gonna do. Blavin swings a Nellorian silver symbol necklace

around his neck. He's got this Nellorian cog necklace on his neck and he's kind of swinging it being like, bang, you look good. We look good. I know. This is a look. I'm assuming all four of us are going to wear the same thing.

Look at that, twins, just like me and my brother. Okay, you are going to go first because I do not trust you. That's not going to work. The same thing as me. So you're going to go first. You're going to see what you're wearing and then I'm going to go get something different.

Shit. No, I need to go in. I protest a little bit. Brother, let us go in at the same time. Fine. Nobody's never been in it. At the same time, this. No wonder he's never been in at the same time. This is amazing. Let's see what happens.

How much money do you each put in? I put in all of my money. 20 gold. How much gold? 28. Awesome. Niac, how much do you put in? I'll put in half of my brother's gold, 14,

because I only need the lower half. Niac does not wear a shirt. Okay, all right. You put in 28 gold. You put in 14 gold. I want to look like my brother need the lower half. Niac does not wear a shirt. Okay, all right, you put in 28 gold, you put in 14 gold. I want to look like my brother from the waist down. All right, and you put in, how much gold 10? I put in 10, yeah.

Okay, here's what happens. You are wearing the same thing as, it's blabbing, but you're pulling it off way better. And he's a little jealous. You now have a super acceptable outfit, and you have advantage on your next persuasion check. Ooh. Jins, you have an amazing outfit.

What are you wearing? Oh, boy. I feel like I have like a sort of, it almost looks like an officer's coat slash like duster. Like a real, like, I'm sure. And it's all black. It's like a black sergeant pepper.

Yes, exactly. Yeah. And then I've got like nice breaches with nice boots that go with it. And I am not. I'm wearing a super, super deep like silk tunic under it. Good shit. All right.

You get plus one charisma for the adventure. Fucking hell yeah. Oh, it's okay. Nah, I got about you. I'm wearing the exact same thing as my brother from the waist down. And above that, I have, I'm still shirtless, but I have a brand new Neck Tie Tattoo. Or both Tie Tattoo. I didn't know it could do tattoos. I got this earlier this week.

Lavender rushes in and gets Blavin's blog tattooed on his necklace. Oh, Blavin's so many letters on one hand. It's just Blavin disneyed. I don't know if it really fits. Yeah, this one has an apostrophe on your ring finger. That's supposed to also do it on the thumb. Blavin just gets lost there. Oh, you twisted.

I've double joined to the czar. Wow, it works for you. Niak, you also get advantage on your next persuasion check. You all three get advantage on your next persuasion check, but Jens, you spent so much goddamn money. You get plus one charisma, because y'all are looking good. Jens, how are you going to pay rent? I'm just not going to. Oh, okay.

It's okay, Onyx. I don't pay rent either. Yeah, I don't pay rent, but I always thought Jen's did. Sometimes I do. It's only fair that none of us pay rent. Auto-peaks out of that. Actually, auto-pays a lot of rent. Auto-peaks out of your person says,

I will pay extra rent. I am developing a great recipe for toilet, bull cereal, and everyone is going to buy it, and we will be mailed your narrs. Thank you, Noble Keychain. I believe you, okay. I believe you. Get back in the keychain. We just, I don't need an outfit. Oh, he's a keychain. We you, Noble Keychain. I believe you. I believe you. Okay.

I believe you. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. So do they allow animals? We have a unicorn. I think, you know what, I'll make you do a deception, so if it's a service animal, we're a persuasion, right? You got an advantage on that, that boy. Oh, my deception is good, though.

I think I'll be able to do that. So you're back in the line, and then all of a sudden, you hear a huge rumbling coming from your right. And as you look, you see a huge golden techno mech strutting towards you. And as it comes closer, you notice that its thick head and neck are actually a massive multi-story house. Windows and balconies peer out from either shoulder and a full tennis court juts from its sternum.

You realize that this is no mere mech. This is a mech mansion. The town's folk in line with you, Chitter excitedly, as the mech mansion grinds to a halt in the nearby VIP lot. The mech's left shoe pops open and a small, entourage of people stroll out. One is a young human man decked out in gaudy clothes and an even gaudier goatee. The others appear to be bodyguards. Unfortunately, you cannot tell

if they have shitty goatees as well, due to the balaclavas and tactical goggles obscuring their faces. Blavin reacts poorly to all of this. Of course he would be here. He seems so much cooler than you. I would work for that. You know what, Blavin?

You know what, I pay you, you could at least pretend to be courteous to me. Seriously, I have feelings, you know. People like you or why I drink and also because it feels good. I think it's mostly the second one. Yeah. Equal, I would say. Give them a nip.

I give them a nip. Oh, it's good stuff. What is this? It's triple sec. Is this toilet triple sec? The keychain make this? Yes. Oh, no.

That's what you're doing in the bathroom. Yes. Keychain has many amazing ideas. I am so happy to be in business with him. So happy to be in business with him. He just stops starting businesses in the bathroom. In fact, we may need to talk to you, Blavin, because we need a website. Oh, yes.

Our business. Our love designing website. We know he does it bad, Jeff. But I haven't heard this guy. That is Lord Nathaniel clasp the seventh. His family were among the first humans to colonize Agendale. He's also the heir to the clasp salt factory fortune

and fancies himself the benefactors personal rival. If he's here, then there's only one thing he could be apt on. You see, Lord Clasp is now shouting at one of the guerilla valleys. Hey, shouldn't there be more of you? Lord Silver promised me his personal security detail would be present to guard my baby. He gestures towards the massive golden mobile home. Yeah, see that? That's no ordinary construct. This is a pre-colonial nomish mech mansion. There's like two left. I know because my dad owns the other one. I desperately want to go into this house. Should we just like, wrap this guy? Probably not a good idea because a few more gorillas descend from some scaffolding and begin guarding the mech.

My other brothers. Class seems disappointed that there aren't more, but shrugs it off, tosses his keys to the valet. Then he and his entourage brush right past you to the front of the line. Absolutely not. I try to walk in with him. I get to try to just in with him. I get tense. Yeah, that's good. I try to just join these entrepreneurs. Okay, all right.

I think I'll do the same thing. Excuse me. No, you could, who are these people? Who are you? I'm part of your underwear. Who's this dirty man? Oh, I turn around. Who can make such a thing?

You seem like you're a pretty fancy phone. You're your social media managers. Hmm. I do have an extensive brand, so that would make sense. Yeah. Give me a deception rolls. 20. Not net, but 20.

I only got a 12, I have a plus six. Nikes very upfront transparent. He got a four. Okay. I'm here to document your night for Trinstagram. Trinstagram, oh, I'm huge on there. I'm trying to develop a presence. Yeah.

I had trouble switching over from the other platform, but I think that I could be big on there. You can come in, but not these folks. Wait, this guy has one of the most years. We are the hottest people here. And you are pretty hot. And I think that's a little too much heat for me in there. That's actually super interesting.

That actually isn't offended at all. That absolutely makes sense. Thank you, sir. As your social media manager, it can be very advantageous to get your picture taken with other attractive people. So you might want to keep them around all night. And this guy has one of the most viral cocktail blogs in all of

vinyl. Oh my god, do you run Blavin' blog? That's how I get all my wrecks. He'll tag you in a post if you let us in. That could be super good for my brand. I'm trying to branch out into clothing, on a way from my father's stupid salt factory. If you, if clothing is your interest, look at this man, Jenz, you need him on your social media page. All right, you know what? You guys seem pretty cool.

You can come in with me. I'm like, this guy rules. I think I might actually try to get a job. I feel really good at it already. You're doing good. So you go up to the door, because of the PR. You go up to the door and a class kind of issues you all in, Nabbo, who is the bounce sources.

Okay, have fun in there. I've got a feeling it's going to be a real special night. I flip him off. He bites your finger. How? They wink at you then begin shuffling back in place. Oh, I forgot to mention that's how the door works. It's not actually a door.

It's just a super thin robot. So when it moves, it just goes, and shuffles on its tiny little feet to simulate the way the door moves. Oh, that's so weird. I also flip off the robot. I take out cute chain and I say, these are your people. Hold on, I'm gonna attack roll for how hard this thing

swaps you in the bottom. I'm sick. Cut a fine stats for this door. You made stats for the door. I made stats for the door. Does a 16 hit. It does. Okay, cool.

You take five damage. stats for the door does a 16 hit does okay cool you take oh you take a five damage start off with a sore bottom good way to any adventure do you want to go in the club yes did it tear his did it tear his nice clothing at all oh I don't know do a role do a dex. See if you're able to dodge. God damn it. I got a seven. Hey man, you've got a situation back there. Super uncool. Are those South Park boxers you're wearing?

That's it. Nia, I could give me your pants. Nia, I could sew quickly. Because Jens is pants. It's pants are dry. You honor me brother. Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, we switched. Yeah. Oh, you switched, okay. So he just, I did take a little bit longer to get into Jens's pants. Y'all are definitely coming to my next Mech Mansion party.

It's really cool, so you're going to love it. If you can just puke right off the tennis court and it lands on poor people, it's funny. That is fucking hilarious. Jens, you're enjoying him way too much. Alright, so you all descend the stairs. Musit thumps like a heartbeat as you descend deeper and deeper into the ground. Eventually, the stairway ends and you find yourself in front of a massive silver archway shaped like the mouth of a gorilla. Through the arch, you can see a massive cavernous expanse exploding with color in life.

A small sign to the right of the mouth reads, Friday is Lizard's night. Half price drinks for all reptiles. Is it Friday? I'll roll a D6. See if it's Friday. I got a five. It's Friday. Yes!

Yes! It's Lizard's night. And the feelings, It's late, it's night, and the feeling's right. I do a disguise self to be a lizard. You were supposed to get some half price. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm more like a plunger. Well, I think once I'm in the club, I turn back into Onyx, you know?

But just, I guess keep that in your Rolla Dex. But then I'm just gonna keep, whenever I go up to get a drink, I'm gonna quick disguise self and get a half price drink. All right. So can you buy around on anx? Yeah. I'll do a picture. Cool.

So you pass under the orange. We're a T. Tini Pits. Oh, classy. Just like 15 olives just floating at the top of the picture.

It's like San Korea, but with olives. She's so put some spinach in there. Make it a salad, right? I'd almost rather drink blabin's so foul. Just put some spinach in there, make it a salad, right? I'd almost rather drink Blavyn's Toilet Gin. Blavyn hands you the, I guess it would be like a wine skin. I said almost.

Oh, you know what it is? It is keychain. Keychain has like a receptacle inside them, so when they're in keychain form, they're a flask. In that case, I do take a switch. Come on, kiss my mouth and I will give you some of my toilet gin. I try it. Don't. I give you a constitution roll. See if you like it.

It's a not one. That mean I love it. You shiver. But yeah, I think that like it hits you so hard that you do like it, but it definitely hurts you. Cool. You have to choke back vomit and you probably do, no, you vomit a little bit. Cool. But you do it in the corner.

No, that's not it. Do it quietly into into one of my brothers, Coudouling glove. No. Nia, you have such a weak stomach. You throw up on the slope. Now you have such a weak stomach. You threw up on the slupe. Now you've got up in the chair. So funny. I think I might have a bug.

Ha, ha, ha. It's just, sir, the whole is pan- I would think after drinking a drink that we snug in. I would think a hearty creature that's raised by gorillas would have a better constitution. Whoa, you were raised by gorillas would have a better constitution. Whoa, you were raised by gorillas? Yes. I come from a family of awakened gorillas.

Do you know Lord Silver? Yes. Do you want to do a role to see if you actually know Lord Silver? Great. Ooh, what kind of role is it? I guess you can either do, I mean, are you lying or are you trying to do a history check? I guess a history check.

A history check. If he's from Rana4, I feel like I had no him. I got a 19. You, yeah, you know him. Lord Silver, AKA Uticus Brax is the younger brother of the Silverback of your tribe. I see, okay. Mm-hmm.

So he left Rana for to make a name for himself in the city. And yeah, he is a prestigious nightclub owner. And if you want to know more, let me read this passage. Let's hear it. You pass under the archway. Directly ahead of you is an enormous dance floor packed to the gills with sweaty throngs of Vain-Alorean clubgoers. Music blares from a series of horns and tubes all connected to a clockwork scratch table

piloted by a nomish DJ. Above you in a trans-lucent disco ball, two more gnomes cast dancing-like cantrips. To your left you see signs for the bathroom and a set of stairs leading to a VIP section. To your right, you see a long, fully stocked bar flanked by two tall crimson red curtains. Classed and his entourage, kind of part ways here. They say, we're headed up to the VIP section. I don't know if you got clearance to get up there, but maybe I'll see you around. Enjoy the evening. Okay, you know, I see your social media manager. Probably I should have maybe put in a word I get some clear I'll put in a word, you know, I'm trying to get some sway with Lord Sil for myself

Okay, you know, I'm trying to like work my way up. I don't want to use my father's connections in this world So like I understand that but I am going to just skip the line and go to the VIP section. Ciao so Yeah, nothing no class and his bodyguards head over to the VIP section. You can check that out later. There's also the bathroom, the dance floor or the bar if you wanna investigate.

Where do you wanna go? Naya has to vomit in the bathroom quickly, okay? Okay. Do you go with Naya to the bathroom to hold his long greasy mullet back? No. Okay. I'll do it.

You'll go? Yeah, because I have to, um, stand outside the bathroom. Ah, okay. I'll hold his long greasy mullet back. And while I'm in there, I'm making a Instagram page, a Instagram page for Lord Nathaniel Class. Onyx, put this on your story. Roll a, roll a D100 to see how many followers it Class. Okay. Okay. Onyx, put this on your story.

Roll a D100 to see how many followers it has. Okay. 24. 24,000. Humble. Humble start. But you know what? It's one day.

It's because I'm like absolutely doing way too many hashtags. I'm just drowning every post in hashtags. So filtered. Just really. It's just a picture of a drink. Blabbing looks at it's like you should make that blurrier. You can buy, buy. So in the bathroom, the dull thumps of no-mish industrial techno echo off the slope ceilings of this gender-neutral restroom. On your right, you see a row of stalls and a supply closet. On your left are sinks and a row of stalls and a supply closet.

On your left are sinks and a huge mirror currently occupied by a gaggle of glow-stick dwarves fixing their makeup. Do you want to go to one of the toilets? Yes. Okay. You do that, and I guess you just have yourself a little puke. I have myself a puke.

Cool. Do you want to do an investigation check while you're there? No. Okay. Just kidding. I love to. Are you investigating your own puke. Cool. Do you want to do an investigation check while you're there? No. Okay. Just kidding. I love to. Are you investigating your own puke? Figure out what, if I have a stomach bug,

the investigation. 17. 17. Okay, here's what happens. You clog this toilet so bad, and you're trying to fix it so you lift the upper lid part of the upper deck and you're just desperately trying to fix it. And then all of a sudden you see a ziplock bag in there and you pull it out and for whatever

reason there's a foldable longbow in there and it gives you plus one to attack and to damage. Okay. So number one, you found a cool bow. You also probably prevented a crime from happening. So good job. Sweet. Yeah. All right. I put it on my back. Okay, so number one you found a cool bow. You also probably prevented a crime from happening so good Sweet Yeah, all right, I put it on my back. Do you all want to invest the toilet? Very courteous 1212

It's not great. I shove it down with my foot There's still some stains on it, but it is flushing again I think I see this and then I'm like, oh, maybe there's drugs in some of these and then I go There's still some stains on it, but it is flushing again. I think I see this and then I'm like, oh, maybe there's drugs in some of these and then I go check all the upper decks. Yeah, once I hear about what happened with Niaq, I'm like, oh, disgusting, but then I look

around for something for me. What all, do you wanna do an investigation? Yeah, I'll do an investigation. I'll look around. Ooh, god damn it, I think so bad today. 18. 18, seven. You don't find any other drugs or paraphernalia or weapons,

but you do notice that there's a supply closet and that it is currently locked. Sorry, everyone, not everyone can find a toilet bow. Oh. You are truly blessed. I guess I want to talk to these dwarfs there fixing their makeup There's three of them. There's heaven shorts and Bach which one would you like to talk to you? You want to like approach the gaggle? I'm gonna. I'll press the whole gaggle. Yeah, right?

What is what's going on? Oh, hey there? Hey, how are you? Oh, that's a fancy looking outfit you got there Thank you. Love what's going on with this with these beard glow sticks. Yeah, we got these in today. We went to the salon. Oh, is that right? Yeah, that's right. That's what we're looking so good. What are you guys doing here? We're just here at the party.

Nice. Yeah, that's right. We're just gonna hang out. We're thinking about going to the baritulator to see what drinks they got. Here they've got this cool challenge you can do. And if you win, you get a prize praise but it's really hard. Hell yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I heard the bartenders pretty cool too. She's this tiefling and I heard that she uses

her tail. One of the other ones starts going, BOK! Oh my god, you're such a horn dog! Quick talking about her. She is such a freaking flirt. Do not let her tell you. Oh my god, get over here. And then Heffin is, Heffin's a little drunker than the other two, so she's just kind of leaning on Bach and Schwartz. Been like, let's go, let's go to the floor. I want to go to the dance floor, that little gnome so cute.

Oh, no, I want to give a request to that gnome. Oh my God, I love you all. You're cute too. Oh my goodness. Oh, thank you. I can look like however you want me to look. What? That's so crazy. I make myself look like a, I make myself look like a really ugly dwarf for a second.

Actually ignore that one. That was, sorry, that was sad. No, you look good. Okay. You look like my mom. Yeah. Yeah, why don't I go right, I look like everyone's mom for a second just as a party game. That's very disconcerted. Yeah, don, why don't I go right I look like everyone's mom for a second just a party game I'm very disconcerted to do that Like that one bit only we were gonna hit to the bar if you want to come with us. Yeah

Cool, I'm curious about this supply closet Do you want to what do you want to do? Can I try to pick it with my brand new bow? Why don't we meet why don't we meet you all up at the bar? Yes, where is the bar? The bar? The bar? It's right over there to the right when you cross the floor. The right by the floor.

Exactly, if you're headed out through the bathroom, it's just a three shot through the dance floor. I. Okay, let's go. They swing their beards back and forth, creating kind of a rainbow of neon lights. As they all head to the floor. They're kind of like Wow, all right, we'll see what the bottom of it. Bay. Bye. Cool. Yeah, you want to try and pick the lock. Yes

All right What would that be a duck? Oh, I know N A deck's here, I guess. Oh, it's light of hand. Oh, I know, Niac just up this. I got a 24. Whoa, hey. Hey. You got a 4. I'll watch the door.

I'll roll to see how well I watch the door. Everyone roll. That's 18. Um, 22. Hmm, you start to feel it, budge, but the lock holds. Hmm, it's very firm. You're not going to be able to pry it open so you might just need to like find a key somehow if you want it in there. Okay. Okay. So again,

you're back. Do you head out of the bathroom? Yeah. We'll go to the bar. Cool. Go ahead. To the bar. Yeah. All right. I'm going to read what happens on the dance floors. You pass through there to the bar. The dance floor is bumping. As you insert, the No nomist DJ starts playing a club remix of Youth of the Nation. It is an absolute bobb. All around you, they know laryans of all races and creed start losing their shit, dwarves and elves grind on each other, dragon-borns and humans aggressively dry hump, and off to a corner, you see a kinkoo and a half-ling desperately trying to frinch, and then you make your way to the bar.

You squeeze your way over to the bar, which is built into a natural recess in the cavern. A tiefling bartender abs and mindedly mixes drinks with her tail while she and several patrons cheer on a leopard-spotted dragonborn chugging a greenish liquid from a massive goblet. Chug, chug, chug, chug. You see the dragonborn go,

Leon bless me with strength. And they start chugging. The dragonborn makes it about two-thirds of the way through the drink before collapsing. The other patrons boo and return to their drinks. The bartender pluck some gold out of the incapacitated dragon's pocket and then turns to you. All right, what'll it be? Are you here for the Gunk Bull Challenge as well? Tell us more about the challenge.

These two are here for the Gunk Bull Challenge as well? Tell us more about the challenge. I believe all of them. These two are here for the Gunk Bull Challenge. Three, if anyone can do a drinking challenge, I think that Blavin can. Oh, that's... Blavin cracks his knuckles. Ha-ha-ha-ha. Blavin will be my champion. What do I win?

Niaq cries. Ha-ha-ha-ha. If you win, if you can do the entire gunk bull goblet, then you win one of these and she holds up a rest bull and you know that this is an extremely rare soft drink that will restore one spell slot at every level if you drink it. No!

Okay, here I go. I don't have constitution stats for blaven, so what more Who has the highest constitution? Not me. Probably not. What do you got? I've got plus two. Okay, same. We've got same. I'll say that blavins is plus four.

Okay, so he's specifically when he's doing alcoholic challenge. Absolutely. He has proficiency in alcohol. Yeah, he powers up. Don't go my champion. Blavin, like splays his legs and does a couple of quick squats and thrusts. And then he stretches out his arms like, oh, oh, oh, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

and then he orders the gunk bowl. And you see this enormous fish bowl of green, goopy disgusting liquid coming towards him. He breathes in real deep and then he starts drinking. So everyone give me your best chugs. Chug, are we wrong? No, are we giving you your best chance? Okay, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, Chuck, Chuck, Chuck, Chuck, Chuck, Chuck,

Chuck. You got an eight. Blavin New York. Blavin tries desperately, but he is a half-ling, and this is just too much drink for him. You're a bit of a lush, aren't you, Blavin? So he kind of, instead of barfing or anything, though, he just realizes that he's going to have to bail, and he just grabs the drink and blast off towards the bathroom. I took a story of this for Clasps' Instagram and I'm like, owner of Blavins, like runner

of Blavins' blog is an actual lightweight. No! Well, that's gonna blew up my brand. Oh my, Chad, all of my clout. And hoping that the scandal will be enough to help my my brand. Oh my cred, all of my cloud. I hope that the scandal will be enough to help my Instagram president. Turn to your Instagram president. All right, yeah, roll 24 people saw that, Levin.

Roll a D 100 with advantage. Okay. Wait, that one good. Okay, 65 or 65. 65. 65. All right, great. Yeah. 650 new followers.

Wow. Yeah. It's going viral. Oh my god. Classmate's checking his phone and it's like, oh my god, whoa. I think I might have a stomach parasite, but I'm gonna try this anyway.

Nia, you are my true champion all along. This is not that fully lands with Niaq, and I 100% believe you. So it is, I knew it brother. It is 10 gold to do the challenge. Niaq only has six. Oh, I'm 10 gold, I'll do it. I'm completely out of gold. Do you want to front the gold?

Or do you want to do the challenge? Yeah, but I've got enough that I'll, I'll spend all my gold so that me and I can both do it I'll have one gold left Glaive which is the T-flings name looks at you. You sure don't want to buy anything else I like potions and stuff for sale, but you want to spend it all in the gunk bowl? No, I'd like yeah I'd like to do all right. I know what hell. Yeah more power to Put in all your best feet forward. Let's do this. Three gunk balls right this way.

So she brings over three gunk balls. They're all slightly different colored. One is kind of like aquamarine, one is immoral colored, one looks like Dudu shit, and you get them all and you put them in front of you. Okay, I'm going for the aquamarine one. Okay, I will have the Dudu shit. Oh no, I got it for.

A for? You drink it all and then you puke it all back in. Oh, it's got, I mean I did do it. Whoa, that's how we made the dough balls. Oh. Shit, and I clear as that just as he finishes his. Which roll? 15.

15. Yeah, okay, you down it. Do I throw up? You don't throw up. finishes this. What's your role? 15. 15. Yeah, okay, you down it. Do I, and I throw up? You don't throw up. I think I might have thrown up my parasite earlier. Wait, Niack, you still have to do mine, and I push mine down to him. Double or nothing.

Yes, brother. I got his eight. Oh, I won't fail you, brother. I got his eight. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You, Nia. I give my, I with my dying breath, I give my brother my push it. Okay, so you dig down one gunk bowl. So I'll give you one rest bowl. Is your reward. Congratulations. I've been the knee and give it to my brother.

But Nia, you've drank so much already. You definitely have disadvantage on attack rolls now. Stumbling around. So just remember. So you're out of, you're out of money. Very low on one gold I I put the gold piece on the on the bar and I give a flirtatious look to the to glaive and I say oh

What would this buy me one gold? Yeah? Well, I mean you guys did buy a lot of gunk balls So I think I could I think I could work something out. And she- Surprise me. Okay. She winks at you and very quickly gets well whiskey, and then puts some food coloring in it.

Oh, this is the Gleeve Special. Oh, did you hear that, my friends? Special. With a tip of her tail, she uses produce flame to light each of them on fire, though. Ooh, yeah! I can't find a rating for this drink on Blavyn's blog. You know Blavyn from Blavyn's blog? Yeah, he was the one earlier who did the gunk bowl.

Oh, you hate to see that. I know. I really respected him until just now. Hahaha. Hahaha. You seem cool though. So y'all down your shots. Yeah. Do you down your shots?

Yeah. All right, great. You take shots with Glaive. And I actually really on a tear now. Hahaha. I regret giving you that extra con. Hahaha. I'm assuming.

Glaive gives you a big glass of water. I give it to the unicorn. Obsidian, come. Drink Obsidian. Drink Obsidian. Obsidian laps it up. Oh, cool. Is that a service unicorn?

Absolutely. Is it your first time in the club? I've seen y'all around. Yes, it is our first time. Yeah, there's some kind of auction going on tonight. What you're about that? I work for, I'm the social media manager for Class. Oh, you run Class.

Yeah. You were in Class Co. That new Tristagram account. Absolutely. You know, I just followed that. It's pretty well. A lot of people do. When I use my tail to mix the drinks,

I just check Tristagram. That's how I found out about Blav in blog and his fall from Grace. Yeah, so I, so that's why we're here and I know he's really trying to get that whatever's being auctioned off tonight. So that's why we're here. Okay, you didn't hear this from me. Okay.

But scrunch, the DJ over there, we used to date. And anyway, he got his hands on some special items that you need to get into the auction room, and he hit him in the supply closet. He told me that if you request pursuit of happiness by kid kelpie, he'll give you the key to the supply closet. That's all you got to do. It's actually weird, I didn't already do that. So. What if somebody just does that? Then they just get the keys.

It must happen all the time. That's long, absolutely. It's kind of old. It's pretty. We're kind of more into it than a lot of, we played a lot at our condo. We live together. Oh, really? Yeah. We're really. He was my landlord kind of. Well, I'm the landlord in a way, because I'm the only one who pays rent, although I don't. Kind of a live-dorn situation. I don't always pay rent. We have a roommate that also. We're strangely poor.

Makes gin and toilet cereal. We live a really high life, but. You got to live in the moment, I ain't a man, yeah. Are we giving you too much information? This is plenty of information. Oh, okay. Do you, um, is this like a coyote ugly situation if I wanted to-

You wanna get up here? Yeah, I would love to. Yeah, up on up. She has you up on the bar. I'd like to have a- That's so polite of you to ask. Yeah, I'm a gentleman. This is a coyote ugly situation.

It's your first question of everybody. You go too. That's, that's, that's Genstuity is politely asking if it's a coyote ugly situation. I would like to get on the bar and I'd be like, all right boys and girls, who wants to buy Genst a drink?

Um, and then I would like to do a beautiful sword dance. Woo! The dwarves from earlier come up. Oh, look I am gold, look I am little tree. Oh look at that little, where do we fellow these movie robots greet? Oh yeah. So warm me.

Give me, I guess performance. Sweet. Come on. I've been rolling like dog shits. What do you give me? Wait, don't you? Would you add though, because you have a plus one to charisma? Oh yeah.

It's probably not to my modifier, right? Or something. No, it's plus one to modifier. Oh dope, okay. So I have a plus one to charisma. Oh, yeah. Probably not to my modifier, right? No, it's plus one to modifier. Oh, dope. Okay. So I have a plus nine right now, but I've been rolling like such a dog shit. Come on. Oh, 22.

You do. Such a good coyote ugly. It is coyote beautiful what you have done. I get solo. Come back down. Come back down. You like flip goblets into each of the Dwarven Girls Clevages and then you fill drinks perfectly.

So I hope this is okay. I say that to the bar. So it's all, actually yeah, it's pretty inappropriate, but they seem into it. So we're gonna let this life just one time. I get, I get written forms of consent for me, each of them, So I appreciate that. So I can use also so I can use it on my

Instagram on glass. Instagram. Do you film this whole thing? Yeah, this is great content. Thank you so much. Okay. Yeah. Do another D100. I want to see what the count is up to. Wait, was the first one I'm trying to remember now? 37. I'm going to do them in the hundreds after this. So it was.

24, then. Less 650. 650, then a 37. What's the handle on this account? Class go. Class go. Yeah. I mean, the great thing is that if Class fucks us over,

I can just change this to be my personal account and then keep all of his followers. Or is it also 324 followers? You could use it as a take down thing. So can we go over to this DJ and request our song? Do it up. It's great. Okay.

Yeah, maybe you keep dancing on the thing. And then- You don't need to ask me twice. Hahaha. My brother has a specific dance he does to the song pursuit of happiness by Chick Keltby. I'm trying to think, because I wanna give you tips.

I'm gonna roll with these so many tips you get. Oh, that's good. We can use some money. Oh, for it. Damn, you get 40 golden tips. Jesus Christ. Wait a second, down the line. Down the line, can I start monetizing this?

It's pretty secret. Yes. Yes. Down the line, can I start monetizing this Instagram? Yes. Yes, if you get over 50,000 followers, you can monetize it and start doing ads. I'll let you roll and tell me, because I'm literally out of money. Janslyn Del loves his Nellorian time tag. And people said Instagram he wasn't a real dad.

Maybe 40 gold was too much, but I've already said it. So now that's what you have. There's some rich people here. So yeah, you go over to the DJ, you go over to Scrounch, and he's spinning real hard. He's kind of built into this cockpit of this, it looks like a techno-mech, but it's been retro-fitted essentially for playing music.

So there's a lot of big, that kind of brass tubal horns like blaring out the music. Do you guys have a request for me? Pursuit of Happiness by Kid Kelpie. Hmm, are you sure? Yeah, that song really makes me lose my shit. Okay, that's not a real song. So that's how I know that it was the code. I give you the key.

Okay. That's not a real song. No, why would that be a song? We give a thousand yard stare. That's a made up song, that's why it's the password, Dummy. Did you... No, you're not. I don't know.

Okay. J.S.U.L.T.A. Alright, yeah. I'm talking. Okay. I'm James Olsenback. All right, all right. There was just a song that we sang to each other, my God. I have a song with you all. You're thinking of pursuit of happiness, but Kit Kuddy? That's a real song. Oh, right, right.

Yeah, I don't know what Kit Kupy, that's a weird water horse fish. What are you talking about? I just thought maybe Kit Kuddy and Trini Veil was a sort of a merfolk. We had a little creative fish and we named him Kig Khelpie. We were like, sing in his voice. I'm realizing now that I'm friends with you all and I hate myself. Yeah. Do you want to go back to the bathroom?

Yeah. That's great. Thank you for supplying us with this request. So scrunch hands you the key to the supply closet and winks. Have a good time. Tonight we're going to bring the house down. Huh? Huh? Huh? Yes, we're gonna have a great time in the closet,

in the bathroom. I can't keep having norms, winking at me. It's very confusing. I'm winking both my eyes. I'm basically just closing them. That's just closing them. Okay, work on, work on. Bye bye.

Work on, I start pulling Onyx back. He gives you a business card for his DJ service. I love to fall on the ground. And you drop the... A tiny walk to the bathroom. A tiny robot hand extends from his techno back and puts it back in your pocket. It's in my back pocket and I did not.

No, I don't know it's there. Real quick, if you could just like maybe, I know you've probably got a pretty big presence if you could just plug my Instagram. I'm literally teaching right now. I thought we'd take a selfie, we each post it. You guys can go live together. Do a persuasion.

Oh, yes, I can advantage. Okay, that is 20. Please. I wanna give a shout out to my favorite handle on Tristan Crompt's Class Co. We've got this handle class, air to the Nathaniel Class Fortune in the house tonight. Everybody follow that handle. Roll, yeah, just roll another 200.

I'll do a 1000 multiply around it now. Wow. 44. You now have 48,370. That's monetized. Yeah, monetized by the end of this episode. You are insanely good at this. You should quit adventuring just It does me the run Instagram. I really do feel as though I found myself.

So yeah, you go into the bathroom, you enter the key that Scrench gave you, the door pops right open. You're in this applied closet. It looks normal. There's cleaning solvents on the shelves and floor. In the corner, you see a mop bucket full of brown stinky water and an industrial strength vacuum cleaner.

I dig through, I take keychain out and I have them dig through of brown stinky water and an industrial strength vacuum cleaner. I dig through, I take keychain out and I have them dig through the brown stinky water. Great job. I am so happy, so serve you. I feel like we could have used the vacuum on it, but okay. This robot loves stinky water. That's true, I'm fine with keychain going here. Is somebody here making mop whiskey?

You know what, I'm just gonna pour cereal in to in. There is somebody here making mop whiskey. You know what? I'm just going to pour cereal into try to encourage Keachain to just eat the whole thing. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no So you you reach keychain deep into this mop bucket and you pull out a zip lock bag And inside the zip lock bag you find four pairs of silver sunglasses. Oh my god So let's just imagine how much Susanna hates you and how much Suzanne I hate to. It was very hastily assembling these where we started. All right, so yeah. Hey, you can't see. You look good.

I look good. Pablo's painting pictures with words, so we're actually seeing with our ears. Can I see you think about it? Right? I was right. Am I running into my car? All right, so now you've got these glasses that'll let you get into the back room.

Where do you go? We strut into the back room. Do you know where the back room is? I'll ask the VN. Oh, so it's not where class was. Okay, then I think let's let's dig around the supply closet. See if there's any like any indication of where it is. There's not. Okay, let's go, maybe we go down to the VIP room and try to knock on the door or try to sniff around there. You wanna go to the VIP room? Yeah, you're really awesome.

I think that we... Yeah, class is going to this thing. Yeah, so we'll just go with him. Yeah, we show up with our silver sunglasses. Cool. Can we roll crew? Yeah, we roll deep. You roll out?

Blavyn's there too. And... Oh out. Blavans there too and oh no. Blavans kind of, he has myopic, I said, anyway, so he's bumping into all sorts of shit because of these like thick silver shaded sunglasses. My head is so big. I know. Okay, unfortunately, you make your way over to the VIP area just in time to see Nathaniel Clasp, a half-orc noble, and a huge well-dressed gorilla descending the Silver Guilt stairway. At the base of the stairway, two gorilla bodyguards perform a strange rhythmic dance. Then they touch their fingers together, forming a natural archway. The party of nobles passes through the arch, then disappears. After all three disappear, the two bodyguards spin around, chest bump,

and then disappear as well. You see the two gnomes up in the disco ball switch their dancing lights to a strobing red pattern. Just as the DJ drops the bass so hard, it takes maximum falling damage. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Um, so they have disappeared. Okay.

Do you want to try and track them to figure out where they're going? Yes. It seems like, well, weird. It seems like class forgot about you. You seem so close. That's so weird. Like I'm so head-y. Yeah, he's sad.

He owes me quite a bit. If he wants a cut of all the product placement, I'm going to immediately start doing. I'm going to try and sell tummy tea on that. You could have been an influencer. I guess, well, do you, no, I can't know the stance that these guys just did. Oh, yes. I do. And Jen, you're a dancer.

You could pick up any dance. I don't want to do a perception check. Yes. Or I guess each of you, why don't each of you roll? We'll just take the highest one. Okay. I got a 23. Great.

All right, cool. Excuse me. You know that the two gorillas are barred and they did a dance spell that cast invisibility. Oh. Oh. All of the nobles. So they're just invisible.

They're invisible. So they're somewhere in here. Okay, so let's just like walk around, try and bump into them. Okay, in this massive nightclub full of people, this huge sea of people, you wanna try and bump into some invisible folks? For hype, I am reconsidering. Maybe we can, maybe we can go talk to the,

is there anything else down here for us to like investigate or whatever? No, really. It's like empty stairwell and everything. Sure. I mean, can we just go down the empty stairwell? You want to go up the empty stairwell? Up the empty stairwell. The VIP area is a little balcony. Oh, okay. Oh, so they're all, so to us, it just looks all empty.

Yeah, it's empty up there. Sweet. Let's go pretend that we're also invisible. Yeah, let's just put our glasses on and pretend to be invisible. We're gonna strut like we belong. You're not. What the hell did they know? So you pretend to be invisible. What does that mean? We just go walk up there. Invisible people don't look invisible. They did not, all right, oh, I should clarify. They did not walk up the VIP area. They were in the VIP lounge. They got it.

Got it. Turned invisible after they passed through the Gorilla Archway. And then you saw them headed towards the dance floor. I got it. So the VIP area is very invisible people. So let's go. Is it open bar?

There's no bar up there. There's like a little, what the hell people went out there? It's like bottle service. There's like a champagne, there's like champagne chilling up there. I still got some martini left in the picture. Should we try to go up to the VIP area and just see if there's anything up there? Yeah, let's let's just see what will confront us when we try to do that. Yeah, you go up to the VIP area, you're up on the balcony. It's this beautiful, jutting silver structure. It looks kind of like a wave cresting.

Absolutely, I take a panel and fucking post that shit. Oh, hi. Yes, you do. Roll that D100, please, my dear. Hey. Jen's was super petty about it at first, but now he's like trying to get in the picture. It's 41.

Jen started it. Would this be good if I was in it? 41. 41. I stopped the panel as soon as Jen's enters. Onyx, you can do a boomerang of one of my brothers dancing. Yes. Diet, I know.

Maybe it's a story. I feel like all three of us are going into business together. I really don't think it should be a story, Onyx, it should be on the true feed. Do you participate after 24 hours on X? You're at 89,370. It's a bitch. Oh, it actually, no, yeah, that seems good. Okay.

I was gonna add another zero, but I think that's fine. I think that's good. All right, so yeah, do you wanna give me a perception? Check while you're up here. Yeah. I got an app one. Do I fall off the balcony? Ha ha ha.

You dangle there and Nia catches you. Ha ha ha. Or no, no, you're falling here about to fall and then obsidian grabs your butt and like pulls you back over. My emotional support animal. Ha ha ha ha. Be careful.

I only got a seven. Well, it's so bad. Did anyone roll well? No. Okay. Are we with Blavin? Did he roll? Yeah, okay.

Blavin will roll to save your asses. Blavin roll to six. Okay. Great. All right. Okay. Let's just start poking around, I guess. So we don't see any people up here. No people up here.

Is there champagne? If we're in the champagne, if you want to drink some champagne. I want to finish the champagne. Yeah, I would like to. I'm on a bender, I'm not going to stop now. Can I walk in a big way so that if they're weren't visible people up here,

I might run into them and find out. Yeah, you want to spin around your arms. Uh huh. Okay, here's what happens. You spin around and- Maybe do some like, be boy moves and like, really take up space. You knock over something invisible

on the table next to the champagne. Can I grab it? Yeah. Okay, I grab it. As soon as you touch it, it becomes uninvisible. De-invisibleizes. Sure. You mean visible?

Because visible? It is a true shot monocle. A true shot mask. It gives you true sight, but also gives you plus one to attack on a named foe. I don't it. As soon as you don't it, you can see faintly the outlines of a group of nobles heading towards the curtain on the left side of the bar. Okay.

Let's go there. All right, you make your way. Blavin brings the champagne bottle with him. That's actually a really good call, Blavin. That's such an expensive. Blavin, do you like decorate your apartment with old alcohol bottles. What I like to do is I get a big magnam champagne bottle or like a geroboam, perhaps I'm a thusula,

the biggest I can get. And I put a big candle in there and then I let the candle melt down onto the wine bottle. And you don't have a family, right, Blavin? No, I'm all alone. I'm all alone in my house. I am empty nester or'm all alone in my house. Are you an empty nester? Or were you always an empty nester? Well, I haven't kind of stares off.

I've had a long life. With ups and downs like any of us, takes a long swig of the champagne. Some days are sad, some days are happy. Some days you've just got a drink to get by. You know how it is. I do know how it is. Blavin, I'm 87 years old.

Blavin, I guess, would probably be around 100 something as well. No, you're older than that. You're like, oh yeah, well, I was 87 when my dad was killed, so I'm like 120 something. Yeah, however, I'm 87 plus however old I am. I'm 40. I think no, you're 38. We thought you were 38. Yeah, I'm 38. Yeah, you're 125. So many other things. We're actually, you're 38. We thought you were 38. Yeah, I'm 38. Yeah, you're 125.

So we're actually, you're 125. I'm 125, too. So we've been around, we've seen some stuff, you know. Life is terrible. Yeah, I've been divorced 12 times. He says that really quickly and they just, it's so sweet. But doesn't that also mean you've been married 12 times?

You know, glass half empty glass half full. You know, it's 12 times falling in love. Flavin says that. As you say that, he says like, it's good to look at the silver lining. Oh, for our podcast audience, I just put on my silver props on glasses as I said that. Cool, so y'all gonna head towards the curtain?

Yeah, great. Alrighty. So we're there with our glasses on, of course. Great, right, of course, naturally. So in my modical, with our glasses on, of course. Great. Right, of course, naturally. So in my modicle, I'm wearing my modicle and my glasses. There is a lot going on with my eyes. You are spinning in circles.

You're kind of doing a nautilus pattern towards the curtain. All right, so you pass through the curtain and are immediately greeted by an enormous floor length silver mirror. Are you wearing your glasses? Mm-hmm. Oh yeah, the mirror disappears.

Nice. You see. You see. You see. Shit, I wanted to see how I looked. You look awesome, brother. You take your glasses off, you can see. I see how I looked that I put them on.

Do you want to take a picture of Jens and the mirror? No, I'm afraid it'll accidentally get uploaded to my trip. You sure? I feel like we could snap a couple pictures of me. I pretend I make this shuttle noise with my mouth. Huh, so weird. You're not getting Wi-Fi?

It's like a click. Pictures aren't posting. I'm so great shot. I love how blurry it is. Trace the grandma's down. Yeah. OK, it's up for me, but maybe you could action. Should we go back into this room?

Yeah, let's go. This episode of NADPOT has brought to you by Bird Dogs. There a company that makes pants and shorts, so no matter where you fall and the age-old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered. Now we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's gonna be difficult. Luckily Bird Dogs has made the decision of which pants and shorts to buy a little easier. Bird Dog stretchy khakis are designed to fit slimmer through the thigh and leg to give

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To get yours and a free Yeti-style tumbler go to birddogs.com slash papa or enter promo code papa at checkout that's birddogs.com slash papa or promo code papa for a free Yeti-style tumbler you won't want to take your bird dogs off we promise you okay that's it for me go team pants And enjoy the show. You pass through the mirror. As you breach the metallic membrane, an arcane tingle ripples through your body, and you feel briefly as if you've fallen into a swimming pool in the dead of winter. But before you can shiver, you pass through and are greeted by a cave that is somehow

even bigger than that of the nightclub. Huge red curtains flow from the ceiling like crimson waterfalls. Between the curtains, the walls are decorated with a strange, nomish tile pattern that shifts and pulsates like an 8-bit kaleidoscope. To the side of the room, you see a knight in woven metal armor and an ancient total clad in the same silver finery as Lord Silver's other employees. Well, come Lord's unloaders to the battle auction. Now, Rutsu will be fighting and Rutsu will be observing. Oh, yes, I will be observing. That would be me. Well, good. Write this verse.

As for the rest of you, so hearth, mew, and I'll fill you in on the rules of this particular battle. So, Blavin flashes you a good luck wink, then climbs into a silver elevator, which takes him up to a balcony where an elvish noble woman, Lord Silver and Nathaniel Clasp are already seated. So here's how this is going to, let me try and do that voice so it's a little different from Blavin. Okay, here's how the battle auction is going to work. To make a build you must hold your

paddle and shelter press. You can also match the current bid by lifting your paddle and saying nothing. Placing a booth counts as your action or attack, but you can still use bonus actions. The auction is over when there is early run team able to hold up their paddle. Ornor and a team reaches a bit that no other team is willing to tap. Any questions? From the balcony, where all the nobles are looking,

Lord Class of Shouts. I've got one. You turned to see him. And he points at his bodyguards. Is there a penalty for murder? Because my salt golems aren't very discerning. He snaps his fingers, and his bodyguards remove their face mask, revealing huge lumpy heads made of salt crystals.

Two of them appear to be made of rock salt, while a third seems more jagged and pink. That said, they're all seasoned vets. You see Lord Silver laughs politely at this bad joke. Niacracks up. Very good sir. There's no penalty for murder in this battle, but we're going to ask what you'll use discretion as this room is an ancient nomish landmark protected by the Vaynerlaurian Historical Society. Oh, but of course, you heard the man golems play nice.

The golems nod and pound their fists. Small clouds of salt erupt from their grainy knuckles. Crotan and Harmon, Lord Silver's stuages, stay to guard the door as classed and silver watch from the balcony. Lady Red Plume, which is the name of the Half Orch Noble, remains on the floor. A little rubble, you kidding me? I would miss it. This Half Orch Noble wearing a big red feather boa and a shimmering black ball gown just prepares for battle. She kind of flexes and eyes you all up sweet. Very row.

The turtle slams down their enormous war hammer-sized gavel, causing a two-story tall podium to manifest from the tile floor below. The auction master settles in. Adjust glasses, then removes a small vial from their waistcoat. Inside the vial, you see a beautiful crystal, gleaming with furious, scarlet energy. Well, does battle auction will be for this relic of old Genorak, a crystal of unknown power and splendor. But in real begin, up,000 gold. Is everyone ready? I'd like to whisper to Blav in real quick,

how much money do we have, Blavin? Do you not worry, I have the benefactors account open for this, I have a shell company prepared. Why were we paying for our own drinks then? Listen, you are employees, you read our list, stand out, I know we have a familiarity between us. You're saying all this through your coins by the way, because Blavin is up on the balcony.

I also want to know, so what goes into what, like, do we do to hold up the thing? Because only one of us is going to be holding it. It's just your action. It's just an action. You can still use a bonus action, but your entire action has to be spent holding up the paddle. And you don't have to, oh, I think,

don't do it after all four. So one person's holding it up and the other two are like guarding them. Yeah, exactly. So I don't have to roll to hold it, right? No, okay. I should hold it. Do you want to?

Well, I should hold it because I have disadvantage on my attack rolls because I'm so fucked up. Oh, that is true. Oh, that is true. All right. Can I go ahead and cast Blur on myself? Yeah, okay. Sweet. We'll say that you did myself? Yeah, okay. Sweet.

We'll say that you did that as we're preparing. Yeah, can I heal myself for the fucking... We have from that big booty hit? I'm kidding. Yeah, absolutely. Everyone's kind of shaken and stretching out, getting loose. You see the salt golems kind of like punching each other

a little bit. Actually, while you're doing this, I'm going to say that Lady Red Plume, her full name is Monica Red Plume. She reaches into her purse, she's got like a little clutch, she reaches in there, throws down two little brass balls and they expand out into quadrons that are gonna fight with her as well. I wanna say to Lady Red Plume, hey, those salt golems, hey, yeah.

Pretty troublesome. And that guy, Clasp, is kind of a prick. Honey, I wanna team up and kick these guys asses, and then we'll fight that. I don't know if you notice, but we all each have our own paddle. She kind of slaps you on the ass, right, where you just healed yourself. Why don't you and your friends,

uh, stick to your side, and I'll do my best to get that crystal. I yell to the salt people, hey, this lady over here seems pretty tough. Maybe we should all work together. She licks her tusks, which are of course coated in gold. While this is all happening,

you see Lord Silver and Lord Class talking to each other, and Lord Class kind of checks his speaking stone. I was like, oh my God, 89,000 followers. I could get a sponsorship deal. Yeah. You might want to keep on good terms with your social media manager. He posts a screed to his Instagram. He posts a screed to his Instagram. He posts like a really nasty essay to his Instagram

about a poor person he saw earlier. I deleted it, I deleted it, I deleted it. See if you can delete it, fast enough. Okay, how do I roll? Slide him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got an hat one. Oh no.

Oh no, by turn, screed. All right, and hour one. Oh no! No! Pite your Instagram. All right. And not one. Yeah, let's roll a D-100 and see how much it drives. Cruelty! Oh, oh, oh. I'm going to be a star.

You should not be acting independently. This is why you have a social media manager You need someone to guide you know how to change your my manager's gonna be so impressed Okay How do oh if you get a zero zero. It's just 100 190,000 so that's all of this is zero. No, no, no, is it 89,000? Oh, no, yeah, wait That's all of this is zero. No, no, no, is it 89,000? Oh, no, yeah, wait. I Did I lose all my followers? No, I'll say that it was only 19,000 so alright so you lose

19,000 followers which puts you at about 70,000 oh Tell me talk me down from this I'm so angry The hatred. Oh, the assault in me. The highs and lows of running a trinstagram. So you're still doing good, but throughout the fight, Lord Classp is going to try to post bad stuff,

and you're going to have to delete it with your bonus action. Alright, so as you've finished deleting the post, you see the auction masters slam their gavel again and begin speaking. Today's model auction will move for this relic of old dinner rack, a crystal of unknown power and splendor, bidding will begin at 10,000 gold. Is everyone ready? Yes.

Participants are ready? Yes. Wonderful. Then let's roll on the ship's stove. Alright, let's roll on the ship. All right, let's do it. 11. I have so many people to roll initiative for.

Hold up. Can we also say that I, before we started, I summoned my packed weapon. Yeah. And so now, just so you know, my AC is 14. Great. Instead of 16. Okay, what is your roll?

Eight. Eight? Okay. 11. 17. You got a 17 as well? Yes. Okay. Okay, what did y'all roll eight eight? Okay, I love in 17 Seven you had a 17 as well. Yes, okay, who boy y'all ready for some hits Well, I just have to hold a paddle so Alrighty are you ready to fight? Yeah, hell yeah, let's do it. So the auctioneer reissues the first bid

Stolen blood is 10,000. Do I hear 10,500? And let's see, that's going to be the night's turn. The night is the only one representing this Elvish noble. So they hold up their paddle, and that's their turn. OK. Jins, you're next in the order. Oh boy, do I just stab this guy? That's even strong.

I think you should, he's sinking me. Do you like this salt golem, sir, the real problem? You know what, I'm going to play like the bad guy in the WWE role rumble. Okay. And kind of hold my action until I see who attacks. Who? Oh, you're gonna hold an action. Yeah. Hell yeah, that's great.

All right, so then that brings us to Onyx. I will as well hold an action. Both holding actions. Yeah. Big time. Love it. Yeah, we just go letting it simmer say we're down to make alliances We don't reason we can't just fight this out at the end Lord class goes this isn't survivor fight kill each other I want to see some blood fuck you. I will though with my bonus action I will though cast my bonus action. I will though cast Hexplague Curse on doing it on class.

How does Hexplague Curse one more time? It means that when I attack him, I get the bonus of my proficiency to the damage on this target. I'm 19 and 20 both crit. If he dies, I get HP equal to my Warlock level plus charisma. So you're going to attack? Class? Just preparing to attack him.

Okay, cool. All right. I mean, I might just need to, you know, dominate him into just to get his full out of his hand. Class feels like a weird aura surround him. And he's like, oh, I must have mixed up some donors again. Just to clarify, he's gonna be three in the order and that's when he's gonna try to do his Trent's Scram Posts. So we are on, ooh, the pink golem.

One of the salt golems is gonna be holding the paddle but the pink golem is very excited to make an attack. Finally, and for their attack, I'm going to have them do a spell. There we go. The pink golem opens its mouth and uses salt breath. It is a 15-foot cone of salty air and they are going to attack Nyak

because they've got the paddle. Oh, okay, let's see. You need to make a DC saving throw. 10. Four. Four. You fail and take two to two to two. Wait, do you have a plus eight to Dex?

Oh, I didn't know it was a Dex. Saving throw. Yeah, sorry, it is. Uh, 10. I do, I pass that. Oh, great. All right, so you only take half damage. Which is...

Three. Okay. There you go. Uh, great. Okay, so that's that person's turn. Uh, no, no, it's your turn. Naya culls the paddle with honor. Yes!

Blavin screams for you. Let's go, Niohack, you got this buddy. I throw up a little bit. Puked brothers, we got this. Okay, so that's going to be the other two golems. One of them takes their turn to hold the sign. And the other one is going to, well, I guess if someone attacks Niaq, couldn't we use our actions that we held?

Why don't we wait a second and see if anybody runs in at us and then we'll stab at them so that we can protect Niaq a little bit. Okay. Okay. Yeah, so one of them is gonna hold up a sign, and then the other golem is going to attack Jins because they seem like a threat.

Sweet. Cool. All right, they're just gonna use a regular claw attack. They've got nice salty claws, they're coming at ya. So then will you get to attack them since you held an action? Oh, you could, yeah. Yeah, that'd be great.

Yeah, I kind of am just like standing in front of Niaac and when somebody comes forward, I'd like to attack them. Cool, so we will both be attacking each other. I will roll first. So we should have used our held actions when Niaac got attacked just now. You're gonna take... To get more people will be coming after him.

You're gonna take five plus, oh, you're gonna take six damage. Okay, cool. Then I'm gonna attack him. Great, with a defensive flourish. How's that work again? My brother is salty as well. These golems don't really have mouths,

so they just have holes where salt pours out, so they react to you hitting them by just going Okay, I have to see if I hit first 13 on the first attack great the hits oh sweet, um, then I yes, I will do a defensive flourish So I'm gonna add a D6 mm-hmm and do my regular damage as well. That's six damage six damage And then I just rolled a one on this extra thing so I I just get an extra 1 AC until my next turn. Nice. Your AC is bluff. Oh yeah.

And then I'm going to take my off hand attack against him. Great. Bring it. Oh, 11. 11. Oh, that just hits. Sweet. Wow.

They are just salt. They're just a big calls of salt assault six damage. Do you have any Steak the neat seasoning. I just learned how to talk You I'm going to send you back to where you came from which is hell Beast born of hell back to the beautiful ocean do not worry I will save you by sending you to the fires of hell. I was a man once. I Don't want to know just kidding. We joke around a lot. It's fun How much damage was that that was another six. All right. Yeah, they are bleeding salt

They're kind of starting to you know lose their form a little bit, but they're still up I think can you get this guy? Yeah, can I also attack? Yeah, go for it. Okay. 18 go hit. 18 definitely hits. Woo, I take this, this is the virgin voyage is that in the face of my mall. Yeah.

Fucking go after it. And actually, I'm going to, I'll do it next time. So that is going to be 15. 15 damage? Cump be 15. 15 damage. Oh, yeah. He explodes. Yeah. He's a big pile of salt, but don't get excited yet

because when he dies, he does a death burst. Oh, no. It explodes in a burst of jagged salt. Each creature within five feet must make a DC-10 dexterity saving throw, taking 1D8 slashing damage on a failed save. I saved. You saved? I saved too. Do I take half damage, slashing damage on a failed save. I saved. You saved?

I saved too. Do I take half damage, though? Yeah, you just take half damage. Just take half. Great. Take your damage. How much? Oh, I got a roll.

I got a roll of dice. Love rolling dice. Where's my d8s? Great. Here we go. I've selected this nice caramel brown d8, which I'll be using to roll. Oh, no. No, a damage, but I guess you have it.

So only four damage. Great. Let's keep moving. This is a big order. All right. So yeah, Monica Red Plume has given one of her quadromes the banner to hold. So she also puts in her 10,500 bid with one of her quadrons.

The other quadron is going to attack. Niaq. with one of our quadrons. The other quadron is going to attack. Hmm, no, Yak. Bring it on, come on. Okay. Now this is a quadron. Also, did you want to get keychain out? Yeah. Oh yeah, yeah.

Okay, you'll have to do that on your turn. Okay, but I'm gonna go ahead and roll some damage for this quadrone. They can technically fly, but I'm just gonna have it whack you a bunch of times because that's easier. We'll see if he can hit my drunken ass. Ha.

All right, so it makes two fist attacks or four short bow attacks. I'll do two fist attacks. Here we go. Does 11 hit? No. Alrighty. Naya could so drunk that he falls out of the way.

You're doing drunken master. You're swaying so much that the quadrone can't calculate where to hit you. So it just keeps missing. It misses again. It only gets a six on a sex attack. You've you've totally died. I guess drinking is good You were right, Blavin. All right. Oh great. It is class turn This time class pulls out their speaking stone And they just say dog fighting is good

Change the password Use your turn to change the password, Alex. Change the password. Use your turn to change the password. Oh, crystals! Could the crystals have spoken to me? What a good idea! Would you say that's a bet and action? Or a bonus action to change the password to my turn. I think the fully changed the password

is supposed to delete a post. It's gonna be a full action. But I can delete a post as a bonus action. Yes. I'll let you delete a post as a bonus action. Yes, I'll let you delete a post as a bonus action. All right, that brings us to Red Plume who has stats somewhere. Stats, so stats, so stats.

Stats, stats, stats. Stats, stats, stats, stats. All right. Also, luckily I have masked many faces so I can do an apology-ass class. I can do a press conference. I learned so much. Yeah, I think, all right, at this point in time, the post is up.

You've got like five minutes before class, dad sees it. Okay, so Red Plume is going to, hmm, what are they gonna do? What are they gonna do? Oh yeah, they're gonna use Grump's Fury, which deals extra D8 of damage, and they're gonna do it to Nyak. Bring it on.

Oh, poor sweet boy. Okay, here we go. What is there? We can't catch Shulun someone else, right? Nope. My D20 fell. Oh, that's a natural one. Cool.

Oh, she beefed it. Yeah. And Niyak also beefed it. Yeah. Red Plum is coming for you, but then like she sees how determinantly you're holding up your sign. And she sees that you're such a good boy

and that you love your mom and dad so much. I do love my mom and dad. And she just faints. She just like totally fakes and misses you. That seems like a good idea. It's the closest one, yeah. Naya lies down on the ground too, leaving his arm up. All right, that brings us back around.

So that's going to be the auctioneer. Okay, do I have 30,000 gold? 30,000 gold on the wrong. I look at Blavin again. Blavin gives the thumbs up. As a matter of principle, I have to put my hand up, but I will. It's the night's turn.

They are also going to put their hand up. That is their action. It's really shifting. I really respect this guy. Then I put their hands up and salutes. They give him a thumbs up. Yeah, there's a flag in the corner. You don't know what kind of flag it is, but they do salute it.

Okay. I hope he's not some kind of work criminal. I don't know what he did to have no friends. Ha ha ha. Okay, so that's gonna be Jens' turn. Okay, sweets. You're not gonna, there's just a defenseless knight there, but no, you're respecting too much.

No, well, it doesn't really make any sense for me to go stab him, I'll deal with him. I'll clean up the rubble at the end. Okay. Who's around us right now? We've got the lady. You're all kind of a pit. You have the pink golem, two salt golems,

two quadrons, and red plume. Well, one of the salt golems died, right? Oh yeah, you killed one of the golems. There's only one golem, thank you. Okay, sweet. I'll go after the other golem, one of the ones that's attacking, now one of the ones that's holding.

You wanna go after the big boy, you wanna go after the pink golem. Oh boy. Shit. No, I think I wanna hurt somebody else. You wanna hurt the golem that is holding the sign? Ah. I wanna go somewhere where there's two people

that are right next to each other. So, we have people. So why don't we do, I'll go after one of the little drone guys that are after Niaq. Great, that's a good idea. So I'm gonna go. A Benjamin brother. That, I will.

Oh God, shout out to the two crew. Oh, you did a bad roll. I did a bad roll. I'll take a second to tech. Protect Lady Red Plume. Protect her. Protect her. You missed.

You missed. Damn it. It turns around and you do see that it has a little metal butt and it suits at you. I stick my sword up its ass and then I'm going to do a bonus action healing word. Okay cool on Nia. Yeah. How you looking, Nia? After that healing word, you will get...

You hear Glaive's voice deep in the distance. You could've bought so many potion. Uh huh. Seven. Great. Great, I'm back up to full. Is that your turn? Yes.

All right, background onyx. Okay. Are you gonna pole. Is that your turn? Yes. All right. Back around to Onyx. Are you going to spend your action deleting the post? No. Let this guy just ruin his life. You are a talent. You can make a new Instagram.

Do you want to try and change the, you've got 90,000 followers. I do. I need to do bonus action. Again, the way this works is you can use a bonus action to delete the post. Yes. You can use a full action to lock him out of the account

and make it, and then how much you do another action. I've also got like, mage hand, which I could use a whole action to just get it out. But right now, I feel confident I'm gonna be able to maybe turn it into an event when I do like my apology via Instagram. Yeah. So I'm gonna, I am gonna use the bonus action

to delete the post. Okay, so you're deleting the post. Yeah. So I'm going to use the bonus action to delete the post. Okay. So you're deleting the post. Yeah. But then ask my action. I'm going to use my pastel flame blade, which is a green flame blade cantrip. And this is your flail, right? Or is this your fault?

No, this is on my mall. Okay. Cool. So basically, it's a cantrip that makes you attack. So I'm attacking and then I get to, so I want to attack someone who is within five feet of someone else because then I can do my spell casting like a lick of pastel flame will come out and hit someone next to them. Okay. For my, great. So you want to like find some people that are close

to each other. Yeah. Alright. So yeah, for the most part, all of the groups are staying pretty close to each other. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. so yeah, for the most part, all of the groups are staying pretty close to each other. Yeah. Yeah. The drone that's holding up the sign and red plume are near each other. One of the other drones is kind of ventured out a little bit. Same situation. The golems are kind of back-to-back now as well. So you could attack the golems the night or the drone. I'm gonna attack the golems. Okay, great. Yeah. Bring it. You're attacking the smaller salt one or the pink one. I think I'm gonna attack the golems. Okay, great. I think that's smart. Bring it. You're attacking the smaller salt one or the pink one. I think I'm gonna attack the...

If we kill the smaller salt one, then the big one's just gonna have to waste its turns lost in ink, which is good. Okay. I'll do the smaller salt one. I realize I don't know, because I just got this cantrip. I'm guessing if I don't actually hit with an attack.

Yeah, yeah, you're right. I think they take damage. Okay, so. Okay, let's hope you take damage. Let's hope I take damage. Does a 10 hit? Doesn't. No, just misses.

So no damage at all. No damage. And then you use your bonus action to delete the post. All right, great. We're moving on. Oh, it's the pink golems turn. Oh no. Pink golems saw you trying to mess with their little buddy.

They know that I have blur though, so they get disadvantaged on attack against me. This is my son. Hey, we just discovered what family is, and that's my son now, I'm excited. I have blur though, so they get disadvantaged on attack against me. Okay, cool. So pink golems.

But I also have a 14-A-C. All right, pink golems you see is have a 14 AC. Haha. Alright. Pink golem you see is kind of like, it's like the salt golem, but it's got big kind of growths of pink Himalayan rock salt coming off of it. Oh, that's very beautiful. It's got like one big enormous club hand and one normal hand.

I scratched them off on a soft pretzel. Haha. And I feed it to Nia. I'm delicious. I so guff it time to be this. Haha. Haha. The salt soaks up the alcohol. Millennials love me.

Okay, let me roll an attack dice. They're just gonna do a multi attack on you. Does 13 hit? No. Oh, it doesn't, wait. I'm 14 AC. Okay, that first attack misses. And they get disadvantage too.

Then yeah, 12 isn't gonna hit either. Disadvantage, we're good. Yes! Nice. Ah! My plan of holding a two handed weapon and taking the armor clusting, because I have blur.

You leave me and my son and my pepper wife alone. Ha, ha, ha. She's at home with the babies. I'd love to see a pepper wife. That's such a beautiful one. Her name is Pepper Ann. Ha, ha Pepper wife. That's so beautiful. Her name is Pepper in. She's very cool. Way too cool for seventh grade. What your wife is in seventh grade? No, that's what they say. That's what the yearbook is. Everyone kill this man. This is guy. That thing. That's

act. This is absolutely even on the moon. We would never do this. No, I'm just saying that was in her yearbook. She's a grown woman. I get it. I get an Instagram of this. She is only 12 years old because she's a salt construct though. Oh, okay. How old are you? I'm four. Don't make excuses. Get out of here, you old man. Now I get your turn. I drop the paddle and I attack the...

Not really, I don't. I just attacked the... Not me kidding, I know. I just keep on housing my pretzel trying to sober up. And I hold the paddle. Okay, got the paddle. I should have mentioned this earlier, but you can raise the bit if you want. It's at 30,000 now. Oh. Lavin is not giving you a limit yet.

I'll raise it to 50,000. Oh, 50,000. Okay, I'm going to run here. 50,000. Oh, 50,000. Okay, I'm sorry, here 50,000. Lavans like, okay, we can do it. You talked a big game, Blavin. If you do want me to go about 50,000, you should have said something. I'm just gonna have to clear this with Liegerland,

the accounting department, it's gonna be a whole nightmare for Blavin, but we can make it work. The benefit of desperately want this crystal. Okay, there's one golem left They see Nyak raise the bid and raise their paddle to match it Don't worry dad. Hello the battle so you can attack all these bland flavorless fools. I love you Wait the sulk all I'm just want to impress is dad. Maybe we should help them wait

I thought the dad I thought the have never heard you have compassion ever. What is this coming from? All right, so they hit the night for five whopping damage. Boy, the night is fine. Night, you don't got to worry about the night. The night barely flinches. You know what happens is like the salt golem punches it and their entire arm like just breaks off into the night

He's wearing armor guy. Can I have that back? No, he flinched you you saw it Okay, the Jans that's your term. Okay. No, no, no, sorry. That's the drones turn right? Okay, so the drones are just gonna whack at Nyak. A classic move, classic flavor, here they come. Nyak fans them away with the paddle. All right, here we go. Does a 16 hit?

Yes. Alrighty. How many are I dying him to? Just one. Oh yeah, cause one of them is holding the paddle. Maybe I should be just standing around him and then preparing reactions and attacking if they attack him.

So he's fine. He's at, that's two damage on the first attack. I can do this action, you can heal him almost every time. Okay. Just let them, he's fine. Okay. Let them beat him up.

All right, so the drawing hits you for two whopping damage and then rolls a one. So I guess they also just respect you. That's what you get for farting at me. Little monster. You farted at my brother. That is my exhaust port. It is necessary for me to do.

Otherwise I will overheat and I will die. I'm gonna plug it up with a goddamn dagger. I will explode. Good. All right, that is... Oh, great. It's class turn. They are going to make another post.

I hate working with celebrities. Why did I choose this path for myself? He does like a really self-serving apology. He apologizes for the way people are. Oh, class. I'm sorry no one can take a joke. It's like I am building a castle and he is just kicking bricks. He does it and he uses the black and white filters

so it looks more serious when he does it. Half tag SJWs. He does use the hashtag SJWs. Social Justice Wiverns is what that means in this world. It's just dragons with a lot of empathy. That is Red Plumes turn, and they are going to go for, yeah, they're gonna go for one of the golems, I think, this time.

Oh, good, yeah. They are getting bored, so want to speed this along. Oh, also one of the other quadrons raised the bit to 50,000 as well. Does class have anyone around him? Class? Yeah. He's up there with Lord Silver and the...

Oh, he's up there? Yeah, don't attack. Just forget Instagram account. You can make a new Instagram account. I have an idea. I have an idea. You got this to 50,000 one night. Just to clarify, up in the balcony watching this display, you've got Blavin, you have

Lord Silver, who as we mentioned before, is the gorilla owner of the club, who Niaq knows from Rana4. You probably didn't know him, but you've clearly heard of him. We've also got the Elvis Chenoble, as well as I imagine that the moonichorn, I imagine the obsidian's up there. Yes, obsidian, I keep obsidian out of arms way. He's very fast, but very soft.

Understandable. Yeah, obsidian looks very worried. They wish that they could do more to help you. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Okay, let me. If you want to help obsidian, get the phone out of his hand. You can send an on a mission to do that if you want. Okay, Lady Red Plume is going to attack this golem and that hits.

So it took nine damage. It's starting to wilt a little bit. It's starting to, the grain of sand is starting to fall off of it. It's sloughing a little bit at the moment. And that is going to be the one that's holding up the thing. Yeah, okay, cool. So raising the bid didn't shake anybody out, huh? Not yet, but. I don't know, just the night heaven of money. We're back around to the auctioneer Seven thousand gold Oh, draw her seven thousand gold

The night Keeps its paddle up. Oh, Jen's deep pocket. It's your turn. It is my turn. Okay. I am gonna go after the Salty the salty guy who is holding up the paddle. I'm holding it up, Dad, I'm doing it. Jens is crying. I'm just, it's better that I kill you before your father. I'm doing you a service. You should watch you die, son. Yes.

Ha ha ha. No, son, should never have to bury their dad, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, damage first. So five regular damage. Okay. And then I can do another D6 of damage to that guy and a person next to them. So well plume just attacked him, right? Right. Yes. So I'll go after both of them. Cool. Alright. So how much damage do you do on your next attack to the golem? Okay. So four damage to both of them. Okay. The golem is looking rough. Okay, basically the golem is like only the hand now holding up the paddle great They had so brave. Yeah, their head just falls off on the ground Now I'm gonna send you to hell and I take my off the time the ocean No hell and the hell just hell oh

Boy hot ocean. Yes, the lake of fire Oh boy hot ocean. Yes the lake of fire God damn it's a nine nine. Oh that misses So just to reiterate the golem is looking real fucked up and you said that red plume takes four damage Yes, that was from the slashing flourish great. They look fine red plume is just shakes it off They're actually a little mag as you ruffled their feather boa a bit Well, you know we could have been allies, but this is from a phoenix in the harsh wind glade. How dare you? It's clashes with your outfit And my brother knows fashion. I'm gonna make you eat it. I spent 20 gold in the fashion booth on this

All right, okay, you spend 28. No All right, okay, you spend 28. No. Yes, you did it. Yes. She's been 28. It's only supposed to let you spend 20. She didn't get ripped off by a machine. I'll exit your turn.

Okay, so is anyone standing here? Is the gallum that you said is not doing well? Yes, me red plume. Yeah, red plume was attacking it, so Red Plume is near it. Okay, I would like to attack Red Plume using my pastel flame blade, Cantrip. Okay, great, do it.

Does a 19 hit Red Plume? It does. Yeah. All right, how much damage do you do? Okay, so I do, oh, two ones, that's sad. so I do seven damage to red bloom, okay, then I also do seven damage to The golem right near her because of pastel flames whip from my mall and flicker out her for seven damage

Oh, her flicker at the golem the golem has fallen. Yes at the golem. The golem has fallen. Yes! Finish the golem. Um, I'm going to throw the golem at, um, throw the golem at clasp and hope it makes him drop his golem. Oh, the falcony. Give me, all right, just give me like a raw athletics, I guess. Okay. You're, you're throwing a burnt salt golem.

Is he gonna turn him into like, like as he breaks, you like try to salt him like salt bay? Essentially. Yeah, because yeah. We just salt the salt clash. We're all the salt in salt. I just had a four. Okay, yeah, it just like smacks against the wall.

Okay, I'm not done yet. You're done. That's my bonus action. I would like to misty step up to the exact spot that will make that will make class drop his phone off the balcony. So you misty stepped up and like he's holding his phone and then you just kind of slap it out of his head.

Yeah. You just like land standing in his lap. I'm glad you did this because when you do Lord Silver, an enormous gorilla stands up and goes, what the fuck you doing up here? You're supposed to be down there. I agree, I will return. And I will return to retrieve this phone

that has fallen off the belt. You messed up. This is a very valuable client of mine and you messed up his phone. I, I, I'm actually, I work for him as well. Then you should know to respect his property. You're so right. I will go retrieve the phone right now.

They're gonna take an opportunity to talk to him. Okay, but I got blur, so. Oh, that's true. Great. Okay. How you doing with your diet? I'm holding the paddle strong. It's both your enhancement out.

Half an hour. Fourteen is my age. Yeah, but they know what I'm gonna do, Dyak? I'm holding the paddle strong. It's both gonna happen now. Four to this, my A.B. Yeah, but they get disadvantage. He misses. Yes! All right, so as he swings, you see his like silver tuxedo shimmers, and you see a big gauntlet on his fist,

slams into the wall right next to your head. Oh. Why don't you return to the battlefield, okay? Okay. Or you belong? Yes. I absolutely will. All right.

That's the main ghost. May the grist us be with you. That's the pink golems turn. The pink golem, quickly mourns the death of their son. The golem looks up at class who says, let's speed this up, shall we? He then races his finger to the ceiling and shouts 80,000 gold O2000 throughout the other thousand. I think that's all auctioning works

And then the run match O2000s. Okay, so that's the pink golem's turn. No, yeah, it's your turn. I look at Blavin Blavin is like sweating profusely. He is tugging on his collar He's like, well, maybe if I remorage the house I could afford it When the benefactors said this was coming out of my salary. I didn't expect it would be this much. Oh boy But he's like, yeah, let's do it. 85,000. What? No, you're supposed to match. I went get blavin. Need to take the battle away from now.

Okay. So the golem is gone. Uh, we got drones though. Uh, so actually the drone that's holding the paddle looks at Red Plume. She says, it's been fun, but uh, y'all are a little too rich for my blood. And she bows out. Yes! The drone's retreat back into her purse. A hard earned victory for her team 22. She helps you all off.

I'm like, I'm deeply nuts. I think, wish, that's that foe. It was fun playing with y'all. She kind of, there's some, there's a little snack table over on the side. Oh! Oh! Oh!

That's so serious. That's so serious. Okay, two or less nursing home, I just knocked a glass off the table. No glasses everywhere. Yeah, there's some shards in the shag rug. So, in addition to the shards in the shag rug. Yeah, shards in the shag.

In addition to the crystal shard, that Onyx uses, there are now glass shards. You know what, maybe it was the power of the crystal that expelled the tape, the glass from the table to make it more shard-like. So much chaotic energy in this room. Hell yeah. I will remember that when three inches of glass

are stuck at my foot later. Oh, oh, oh. My hand is bleeding, but we'll keep going. Oh yeah, we should clarify, clasp phone did fall down and shatter. Dang it, yes! My phone! Yes!

Have you backed it up recently? I don't use the cloud. I'm an idiot. I buy a new phone if it breaks. If he gets a new number. Look at me, Yac. That was a speaking stone ex. It's not even real.

Okay. Well, shit, that means they cannot post anymore. You've taken away their privilege post. Although I use my bonus action to misty-step, so whatever his last one was is still up. Are you currently still up? Ham raging followers. Okay, so like, he was halfway through posting it.

So he didn't get there. Yes. But the thing is, he was about to post something normal, but since he only got halfway through the word, it is a slur. Oh no. You kicked him while he was posting. he accidentally typoed the typo. It was a slur, roll a D100.

17. Okay, I'm gonna say you lose 17,000 followers. It's slipping away, my dreams. Like sand in an hourglass. My dreams are slipping away. You're a 53,000. You're still okay. Just make your own account. This is, you did this in a day.

I'm going to eventually change it to be my account. But right now I need to piggyback off. You just don't want to lose like the three hours of what he did. Now remember, what's worse is that the 53000-meter left are pretty unwoke assholes. Yeah. We love your class. Okay.

These are the guys that like us. My balls are shit. The salt load. It's two rules. He tells it how it is. It's not the quality. It's not the quantity. It's the quality.

You still have your phone logged in though. So you can. Yes, I'm going to go on change. I'm going to try to turn this into a thing. Okay. Make the apology as viral as possible. All right, so Red Plume is bowed out. That's back up to the auctioneer. 100,000. Do you have 100,000?

And the night Continues holding up their signs Is it just us in the night now oh and the gollum? Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay Just you people with battles jeans. That's your turn my god. We be to kill both of these people I know how I'm going to do this. I have a flourish where I can push somebody. Hmm. I would like to push the pink guy into the night to get everybody all bunched together. Yeah, I can try and do more. Yes, mobile flourish. I use my bardic inspiration to have the weapon do extra damage.

Okay, so this is only if I hit. You can also push the target up to five feet away from you, plus a number of feet equal to the number I roll on the die, and then I can move with it. Okay, so I roll just, I will make an attack against, probably make an attack against the golem. Yeah, okay, gonna do golem. Sweet, that's a 19 to hit. 19 on the golem? Yeah, oh, that's a 19 to hit. 19 on the go? Yeah. Oh, that just hits. Jesus Christ. That's terrible.

Okay, so I'm going to do a mobile flourish. So I'll do my regular damage first. So that's seven damage. Great. And then the extra damage, plus how many feet it moves, plus five. Okay. Nice. Then it moves 11 feet. 11 feet, whoa. And takes another six damage. Okay, great. I'm just trying to knock them into the night

so that they're next to each other. Cool, I'm gonna say that when you throw this pink golem into the night, it hits it with such force that it splits the night into... ...and it clangs to the ground. But instead of seeing blood and viscera, you see a tiny set of legs on the torso and a tiny nomish head on the other side. I knew it.

Uh oh! Wait, are you the one who wouldn't let us in? Huh? No, that's what someone else, that's what's noble! other side. I knew it. Wait, are you the one who wouldn't let us in? No, that's what someone else, that was Nobo. That was Nobo. That was DJ. No, no, no, no, our names are Hagel, Torgon, and Trunkett. And they all scatter out and run towards the snack table. They're eating a lady red loom.

So they just gave up. Yeah. This is getting boring anyway. Ah. You see the Elvish noble that was paying them. Just like berries or heads of yours. Ah. And that is Onyx's turn.

Okay. I'm going to jump down from the balcony. Great. Stay down there. Make sure I land on the phone just to totally break it. Great. And then I'm going to attack the golem. All right, great.

Using my past off lane. Although there's no one near the golem, right? It's just the golem's illegal. It's just the golem's illegal. So then there's kind of no point in doing that. So just going to attack. Does a 16 hit? No.

That's too bad. Strong. It's chunky. It's a chunky man. Do you have a bonus actually? Do you have anything you can do to? I use both my spell slots. Got it.

I'm Warlock. I'm gonna get two spell slots per short rest. Don't forget that you have the, uh, don't forget that you have the true shot monocle. That gives you plus one attack bonus, uh, to a named foe. Oh, I don't forget that you have the true shot monical that gives you a plus one attack bonus to a named foe. Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, sweet.

Okay, but 17 still wouldn't hit. You also have a keychain out as a bonus item. Can I let Keychain out as a bonus item? You can do that, the post is gonna stay up. I'm deleting the post. No, but we need to thing. It's good. He knows how to bait her, man. All right, so you believe the $1,000

is gonna do like $200,000, we're gonna lose. So a couple followers left in the interim, it's down to 50k. So still pretty strong. A lot of assholes hanging on, a lot of people haven't checked the phone yet. We can make all the money back if we keep the followers up. You can do it, but you can do it, bonus. Actually, maybe you like.

You get an email from your sponsor being like, interesting post. Need to discuss. Please call. It's going to be a long night for Onyx. All right, that's the pink golem. Pink golem can't do anything because it's holding up the sign. Okay. And it does match the bid for 100,000. Actually it raises it to 110,000. Cool, that's back around to the auctioneer.

120,000 gold pieces. 120,000 gold pieces. I didn't just attack the auctioneer. It's not how it works. Blavin looks absolutely hard-broker. But he does like a shaky thumbs up. Okay, okay, we are still good. Okay, so the night's out, the night was revealed to be a bunch of gnomes.

They're all eating saltines and cheese cubes over on the snack bar. Jans, it's your turn. Sweet. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna hope that maybe I can slow this dude down to the point where he doesn't have time to talk. Oh, I'm going to put my swords down and I'm gonna make some attacks with Time Daggers.

Did you ever consider that maybe you could have just stolen the paddle? Yeah, I didn't want to fuck this shit up though. Oh, thank you. Okay, so you're doing a Time Daggers attack? Yeah, nice. Come on, 19 to 20. Oh, thank you. Okay, so you're doing a time-dagger attack? Yeah. Nice. Come on, 19 to 20.

Four. Oh, there hasn't been a single crit this up so far. No, there hasn't. The tiers. I feel like we're due. I know that's not how things work. It's not how the world works. It's good to shout out for me. Cool.

Offhand attack. Falking. 14. 14. Do you add anything to that? No. Okay. Focking. 14. 14. Do you add anything to that? No. Okay. Yeah, you miss.

Great. Good. Really good stuff for me. Okay. What are you at? 29. You're fine. I'm going to healing word myself.

Okay. So, pink olem keeps holding up the sign. Okay. They just hold steady at 120. 120,000. Okay, so pink golem keeps holding up the sign. Okay. They just hold steady at 120, 120,000. Nia, it's your turn. You hold up the sign? I hold up the sign and I tuck and roll bonus action and I release keychain.

There you go. I summon you to feed me gin. Hello. Open your gullet. Here it comes. Hey, quick question. The pressure sobered me up too much. I stopped having fun. Quick question master and buddy. Do you want me to hold the paddle?

I would love nothing more. I've been waiting in your pocket for you to ask me to hold the paddle. I've been putting, honestly, I've been putting out fires today. Don't forget that you have to use a spell slot to activate Kuchin. Cool. Okay, can you attack now if you took the bank? Yeah. Y'all.

So I can attack? Yeah, use the bonus action to get Kuchin out and he's holding up the paddle now. Oh, so, I'm going to fire my new bow. Great. I guess with, uh, disadvantage because I'm drunk, I just fuzzled a bunch of... Yeah, you would have sobered up, but you did just drink the toilet gin. Yeah. Worth it. Matt 20.

I always have disadvantage. You did, you did, you did. You know what? You thought you yourself having disadvantage. No, and that's when he breaks the disadvantage. You haven't got to hit anyone all of so come on. It's like just the right amount of drunk. Oh yeah, sort of like that like in that window when you're good at beer pong. Yeah

How does my new bow work? It's just plus one a damage in a tack 14 damage yawza all right This salt golem is not looking good. Honestly, we skip you. Oh, we might have that's fine. Oh wait No, did you use that turn to hop down from the balcony? Or is that last turn? I was it. Yeah. No, I think we skipped you. Yeah. That's fine.

No, go. Take your turn. Can I, I would like to cast confusion on the, on the column. Oh, nice. Okay. With my once a day, my mantle of the moth. Yes. Use the mantle.

I'm gonna try and confuse this column. Okay. So he has to do a wisdom saving throw. Yes. And if he fails, then let me double check. We have a chance that he won't be able to lift up his paddled next turn. Good. Do it. So you're doing confusion, Ray? Yeah. Confusion, Ray. Great. All right. DC 13.

I roll it. Yeah. Well, their wisdom is minus four. That's how it's counting on. Yep. They fail and are now confused. Woo! All right, and according to the rules for the spectators' confusion ray, which is what we're using for the mantle of the moth,

on its turn, the target can't move, and it uses its action to make a melee or ranged attack against a randomly determined creature within range. Oh, awesome, so we... So I can't let this go. So it's not the confusion, yes! Woo! Target can't let it go. Yeah Target can't move a non-violet then we are back around to the auctioneer

They raise it to 150,000. Blavin talks to you in the coin. It's now our never-gang. I can't do anything more than this I don't have anything left to sell. This is like my salary for the next three months Three years. Sorry. I was gonna say you're fallen, glad. I'm drunken, I don't know how the time works. Okay, so it's back around to Jins. Sweets. So this thing, I'm assuming looks pretty confused. I'm gonna try to grab the sign out of its hand. Just in case he pulls some more strength.

Yeah, do a strength check. Can I do a slight of hands? Yeah, absolutely a strength check. Can I just slide a hand? Yeah, absolutely. I'm a real, but I do the pro wrestling thing where I'm really going full roll rumble with it. I get down on my hand to knees and I pretend that I'm begging him forgiveness and then I punch him in the nuts and try to steal his thing.

No! I don't have to be sneaky, he is confused. I must hold up the sign for Lord Class! Just 13. 13. Uh, I roll as well? Is that all works? Yeah, it's kind of just up to you.

I guess you like it. Yeah, if you want to have him roll a deck save or if you want to have him do contested slide of hand or just say 13's out enough, it would be 15. You see what it's perceptive? I mean, his passive perception is 6. Okay, so he might just not notice. Uh, yeah, let me roll. Okay. Would you roll?

13. He rolled a 12. Okay. Yeah, you swipe the sign. You see class stand up in his booth. What are you doing? No. I knew my dad got me dud soldiers again.

Oh, I wish my phone was here so I could call him. Goal him, get me a new phone. I stopped by that again. Why are you dead? What's going on? This is so unfair. You little man, give me your phone. Larry, you kind of have my phone.

I've got a lot of private pictures on there. Oh no, Blavin. That's just him drinking with teenagers. I don't drink with teenagers. Okay, well he's seeing the IDs by having... I'm a creep, but not that creepy, okay? Please, I've got a brand to think about. I was gonna hire Onyx to do some social for me

before I got so in debt. I am very good at it. So with the sign being stolen, the golem is confused and doesn't know what to do. It seems that the tide of battle is turning. At this point, the auction master is like, oh, the normal boots, going once, going twice, going through times very well, the runner of tonight's auctionals, and suddenly, before he can finish, the entire room begins to shake. The shifting black and white tiles that coat the walls

and ceiling turn crimson red and pulse with a series of cautionary ruins, a shocked Lord Silver bolts upright. Security breach, but how? Everyone give me a DC, everyone give me a dexterity Zane throw. Ooh, 18! 16. You pass, 10. You just pass.

Everyone passes. You all dive out of the way just in time. Before anyone can answer Lord Silver, an enormous drill burst through the floor in the center of the room. The drill is mounted on a large golden fist. As the steam from the drill clears, you see another hand emerge from the hole, and then suddenly standing in the middle of the room is a gleaming 12-foot-tall nomish techno mech. The mech revs its drill menacingly, and then two smaller techno mechs sprout out from its butt cheeks, and they all stand around the hole. The mech lowers its cockpit shield, Onyx.

You look up at this gnome and realize you've seen them before. Quite literally, you two were seeing each other. This is the gnome you took as a lover months ago before your quest to retrieve the crystals even began. Oh. What was their name again? I don't remember. Oh, do we establish it?

We did not establish this. Keith! Keith! What are you name again? I don't remember. Oh, did we establish it? We did not establish this. Keith? Keith? Keith, what are you doing here? I'm taking back Votes' mind from inside the cockpit. Keith, are you talking about me? Keith, I know it ended hard, but...

They said that we should not do this mission because you would be here. That there was too dangerous. Keith, please, you must stay away, I kiss him. You blow him a kiss? No, I kiss him. He's in a cockpit. My kiss is, I kiss his suit, that's my kiss.

Okay, you walk up to the mat and you kiss its shin? Yeah. Okay, get away. I'm on the mission. For me, I understand. You've come here for me. I promise Dougal I would not let this mission be compromised. Attention. From inside the cockpit Keith raises a hand at the nobles in the balcony and

another at the crystal on the podium. The next massive arms mimic the motions. This crystal must discover the enormous soil and it is caused by right. Even the room in which you hold this auction was once the seat of the Norma's pleasure congress. Thousands of laws and also thousands of orgasms were brought into existence in these hallowed halls. You silly arveys with your shady dealings, and we shall now write the course of history. All of a sudden from the balcony, you see the elvish noble woman stand up. For a moment, she looks furious, then a huge dumb smile splits her face. Where's Santa, brother?

The elves figure shivers in twists as the disguise self-spell is lifted, revealing three familiar gnomes stacked on top of each other. Nathaniel clasp, blabbing and even Lord Silver jump back and discussed as Dougal, Tugal and Bungal descend onto the balcony from the dress that they were in. Now it's time for the final act! Dougal's doesn't! Let's move! As soon as Dougal says this, all three Technomex start attacking. And they are going... Kid, how can you attack someone you want to love? This is no-mish business! You cannot interfere on it! In a flash, the large Technomex darts over to the podium and grabs the auction master in its colossal hand.

At the same time, one of the smaller mechs jumps up onto the balcony and trains its arcane guns on Blavin and the Nobles. Meanwhile, the other mech rushes towards the snack table to assist the three gnomes and the woven armor, who are currently being strangled by an irate lady red plume. Upon seeing this, Lord Silver shouts, You, what are you doing? Call for backup! Cronen, Harman!

He points to Cronen and Har Harmon who are standing by the door. Go get back up, go get back up right now! You see them run out towards the mirror door, and they break through it, but then you can see just a little bit into the dance floor outside, as the curtains are lifted away, and everybody on the dance floor is passed out. All of the guards and everyone is passed out.

You see, Keith, did you do this? The dog. It's denombs. They hypnotized all the guards, Lord Silver, but we're on our own. It's tricky, motherfuckers. So you see now the techno mag is fully grasped, the auction master.

He's just like grabbing this turtle in his big drill hand. The auction master's like, er, no, er, no, er, no. Lorde Klassp has had a deer in the headlights Master he's just like grabbing this turtle in his big drill hand the ox masters like Lord class was had a deer in the headlights look for this entire and this entire encounter and then all of a sudden He snaps out of it and fishes a shining golden key fob out of his pocket You damn knows this is why my family took over your land Let me show you what a real mech looks like you see see Lord Silver, wait, classed, you idiot, don't! All of a sudden Lord Class clicks his key fob, a giant golden foot slams in on top of the mech. Keith is able to dive out of the way just in the last moment. Everyone give me a- I don't want you to win but I don't want you to die. Give me one more dexterity saving throw. Oh. Ooh, yes, please.

I'm having another nat 20. Whoa. Whoa, I got 21. All right, y'all all die out of the way successfully. Can I die accidentally into Keith's arms? You can't keep in your arms. Keith. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

You saved me. Yes. Well, you, the same could be said of you. It's been so long since we saw each other in the nom lands. I know. We were enemies then, but I think we could be allies now. And then Keith presses his hands into yours. They're warm and rough with a tinker's calluses,

just like you remember. He leans in close. I get goose pimples. He notices. His large eyes flush with memory. What do you do? Well, I am no stranger to Keith slipping something into my hand. Transvaman. So I know what to do. Just as he's slipping something into your hands, he opens his mouth and his tongue comes

out as well. Oh my god, I made it with my tongue. One last kiss. I missed a strawberry yogurt taste. It's so alive. Yeah, Jens is just fully vomiting. You do not know how hard it is to find strawberry yogurt lip gloss. And and all the lip gloss that glitter is too. Glitters but is also good, like yogurt, yes. Oh god,

I miss you and I hate you and I love you and I miss you. Oh, ditto, ditto, ditto. You share a kiss that's at once both distant and familiar, and then, as he pulls away, you feel a strange weight in your palms. Onyx in your hands is the third Gennarat crystal. You just roughly the same size. A potting gift as it were. Suddenly, from seemingly out of nowhere, several gnomes rush towards the foot of the mech.

In addition to the gnomes that were already in the room, you see the two from the disco ball, the DJ and the gnomish bouncer skitter in. While this is happening, Lady Red Plume takes advantage of the chaos and kicks one of the gnomes off their techno mechs, then hijacks it and jumps into the large, freshly drilled hole in the center of the court. Oh, respect.

Bye. Peace out losers. We could have been friends, Ticad. Ah, ah, ah. Before anyone can even react, Dougal's dozen have managed to pry open the mechs big toe door and scramble inside. No, stop them, that's mine. My great grandpa stole that from you, fair and square!

Before the door closes, Keith turns to you, winks, and closes the door, and after a few moments, the mech mansion rumbles and blasts off into the air. It could fly this whole time?! And all of a sudden, as the dust clears, Lord Silver, a Justice cufflinks and looks at all the damage. Well, you're wrecked my fucking room, but you're the only one left, so deals a deal. Crystal's yours to keep.

Just let the benefit of know that I will be building him for the damage. And Blavin gives a withered smile. Did it. So did they say, did people see Keith give me the crystal? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay. We definitely saw the kiss. Who's that no? Mishkai.

You as a friend. And I stare off and do it. Honestly, when we stay up late at the apartment, you say that how happy you are to be single. Yes, I love to be on my own. I smell my lip work. Keith Kissy. Hmm. Did you just smell your own lip? How did you do that? Did you know you like, you sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort... You sort... You sort of... You sort... You sort of... You sort... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort of... You sort... that. Pursed your lips and then we had just the way your anchoring it up. It looks like you're trying to. Yeah. Lord Silver walks over to

Nyak says, Hey, you were out. You're wrong. And like, Zana's kid, huh? That is I. I give him a gorilla sign of respect. Oh, he returns it. What are you doing? Getting mixed up in all this. Uh, it's just a job. And I like hanging out with my big baby brother. Oh, this your brother? Ron is not my dad. Hey. Oh, he's not your dad. You have a different dad.

Yes. Hey, as long as you know what, family's important. I, uh, I disagree, but... Ha, ha, ha. Family is everything. I haven't gotten the chance to talk to my older brother and so long. You know, Havana is the silverback.

I know, I know well. You know, I can never live up to that, but being the silverback doesn't pay very well on like this job. He pays highly in honor. That's good for some folks. Pride of the parents. He adjusts his silver cufflinks.

I'll, you know, this club will do okay for me. Of course, Blav and I am going to be a charging old, old, old, Benadip, this Viva Leia, so a little extra money for the incursion here. I'm sure that you can work something out with your boss. Blav and sort of, yes, I suppose. Blav and turns to you and says, this might be a bit cliche, but I think I might need to drink. Is anyone else hungry? Yeah, I continue to smell my lip. Well, we made a huge mess here and we should go, but I know just the place.

Are you all ready to do your the upload? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So you all gather at Papa's waffle spa? Ew. They know our oldest and only 24 hour hot tub breakfast club. Warm jets bubble against your aching muscles and the heavenly sin of grease and potatoes fills your nostrils. Oh man, this should be a real place. Yeah, for real.

Jen's brought his own salad. You brought a tougher salad? Brother, may I have a cucumber? No, you should have brought your own. It looks so watery. As you tuck into plates of perfectly crisp hash browns and also a very wilted spinach salad, Blavin pulls out his enchanted whole puncher

and adds the third punch to your curry cards. Just thank two more punches and you'll be eating potatoes in the personal hot tub of the benefactor. Ah, to experience that joy for the first time once more. I truly envy you lot. So, blab in orders and other round of drinks for everyone, you all. Clint Glasses and applaud your hard work. The night wears on, your toes and fingers grow wrinkly and bloated. And just as you're about to call it a night, you hear the familiar buzz from a calling coin. But this time it's not yours. It's Blavins.

He reaches into his pocket. Oh, thank no one of these are waterproof. I totally forgot I was in there. Hello? Blavin here. Oh. Oh, greetings, Lord Benefactor. It's him.

Yes, we heard you. Yes. It's your team. It's him. Yes, we heard you. Yes. It's your damn. You said that. Yes, we retreated. And we're them now.

Really? Yes sir. I'll tell them. So, Blavin ends the call and looks up at you. That was the benefactor, as I said. Apparently, we've already located the next generac crystal. So, rush home, grab a heavy coat and meet me at the Vena Larian Airport in 4 hours, because we're going to the moon.

Oh! I'm going to buy a scarf. And that's where we'll end our session. 1 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 I'm gonna go ahead and do some rap. Yeah, I do. I just want to establish it. I've decided to lean into Class behavior. So I cast the sky self and then I go on like a record. I'm gonna do some rap. I'm gonna do some rap. I'm gonna do some rap.

I'm gonna do some rap. I'm gonna do some rap. I'm gonna do some rap. I'm gonna do some rap. I'm gonna do some rap. I'm gonna do some rap. I'm gonna do some rap. I'm gonna do some rap. I'm gonna do some rap. I'm gonna do some rap. I'm gonna to establish it. I've decided to lean into class behavior. So I cast disguise self.

And then I go on like a real bender and it looks like I'm like unraveling. In a way that's like a Kanye West, everyone wants to watch it. And so I'm trying to court, I'm trying to court negative attention to followers. And then at some point, that's just all I'm doing tonight. And then at some point, I'll turn it into an apology,

but for now, I'm going on like a bender. OK, do you want to give me one last role to see how many followers you lose? Am I losing them? My goal was to make it an interesting. I'm taking pictures with scandalous women who are clearly prostitutes and like a Dan Blasarian angle. Yeah, exactly. So that's my angles to like lean into the bad boy thing. Okay lean into the bad boy thing. Yeah

Yeah, give me your roll. Okay 94 is what I got 94 Okay, it goes from 53,000 people like the new move it goes from 53,000 to 147,000 people like the new move. It goes from 53,000 to 147,000. Oh, yes! Okay. You are trending pretty much every day on Tristan Graham. People are talking about you

and how problematic your behavior is. I will say it has sunk Nathaniel Class. Yeah. He has been disowned by his father and his penniless on the streets now. You defeated him. And then I know I realize that this is also probably not a good move for sponsors right now, but the idea is to get all these people and then all.

You switch it over. You pivot. You pivot. I would like to ask kind of a power move by Nathaniel clasps clothes that he had on at the club. I really lowball him because I know he needs it for food. buy Nathaniel Klasps clothes that he had on at the club. I really lowball him because I know he needs it for food.

I could really use the money, yeah, thank you. Sure, yeah, no, these just aren't worth that much. I figured I have a lot of salt. No, no. And then you know, it's just at the other table. He's the waiter now. I work here now. I'm really good at using salt. Do they include the tip in the check or do we just have to decide to tip? You have to decide. So like I can be general.

I'm so sorry. We're just gonna just I give him a card just exactly what it says on the check. Okay. I see you drew a little smiley face here. Yeah, yeah. That's in the roof. That's for you. I did spit in your food, but I grew up around so much so I brought my own salad, so it's actually okay. You defeated him thoroughly. Oh, and that's our adventure. Yeah.

Woo. Thank you so much for bearing with us. I know that was kind of an experimental one, but I think it was fun. Yeah, super fun. We broke a glass. We broke a glass. Yeah, been careful when you stand up a bit. Sure.

Thanks everybody. Thanks so much. Yeah. Yeah. That was a hit gun podcast. Thank you.