Not Another D&D Podcast - Trinyvale - Ep. 6: Dragon Duel

Episode Date: May 18, 2020

Having made their way to Drakkspon mountain, our heroes find themselves locked in combat with a foul-mouth foe both vicious and vaporous. Jens gives a pep talk, Onyx taps into her maternal side, and Nyack plays with fire as the Trinyvale Trio’s crystal quest comes to a thrilling conclusion!Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music/Sound Effects Include:Sound Design by Daniel Ramos (www.TheDanielRamos.com and @Dr.Schubird on IG)"Road to Chevy Silverado" by Daniel Ramos"Trinyvale Intro and Outro" by Emily Axford“City in the Clouds” by Emily Axford“Where the Mountain Meets the Sky” by Emily Axford  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Trinaville! I'm getting amped. I'm amped and ready to destroy you all with a big dragon. But first, love to die. Trinaville. A world where cobalt have complex careers. Their conniving kids have coneption fits, and against all odds, actions have consequences. It is a true adventurer's paradise.

Today's story begins on Ginnerac, deep in the craggy clutches of the Draxpond Mountains. Our heroes grasp their weapons tightly and prepare for battle, trying their best not to be poisoned by the second hand smoke exuded by their newest foe, Tukaru Bandolv, leader of the Zard Chargers and wielder of an incredibly rare item known as the Summoner's Jewel. Can our heroes withstand the vaporous embrace of Grumbolo Grimbus, the vapeworm, or will this nicotine buzz be their last? Only time will tell. And so, without further ado, let's rejoin our heroes and begin chapter 6 of the Trinavale Adventure. Yeah, yeah. All right, I want to get right into this fight, so everyone introduce yourselves real quick and we'll do a recap. Jens Lindell!

We'll quick, uh, Anix Lumiere, Cobaud Killer, and Pastel Punk! Yes, Niaq of the Rennet 4. Third, to introduce himself, as always. Ha ha ha ha! Third in introductions, first in your heart, wonderful. Oh, that's true. Okay, now I know we all are ready to start brawling

with the brewed of band-of, but first first how about a real quick recap of last session? Yes, sir! Let's do it. Here it comes, piping hot for you. Open your mouth with my baby birds. No, no, no. Last time we met, you three had just received the fourth Ginterak crystal from its hiding place within the body of a polymorphed moonicorn. While deciding whether or not to reveal your success to Blavin and the benefactor, you were interrupted by Mercurio Delurio, who offered you a deal. Gather all five crystals for the benefactor, but then secretly steal the crystals for him once they're all together.

He also offered you the services of Zogaff Lorck, his Rogish Half Orch Assistant. Doubting her abilities, Jinn's challenged her to an honorable 3-on-1 duel. After a quick lunar slug fest, she conceded and praised your strength. However, despite Mercurio's generous offer to basically buy you an apartment, you three still weren't ready to trust him. Thanks, but no thanks.

And decided instead to exchange calling coin numbers, satisfied with his initial arrangement, Mercurio installed some no frost blocking gel in your coins, allowing you to contact him without alerting the benefactor. He and Zoga have been departed and you headed back to the vineyard, where Blavin was already busy loading up the space shuttle for your next mission. On Exbit Farewell, who were brothers, J Karbonne, and promised us in a portion of her trinstagram earnings back to help them keep the winery afloat. You all then boarded the benefactor shuttle and departed for Ginnarak, the continent that

was destroyed at the end of the Artifist Wars almost 300 years ago. While on the ship, you questioned Blavin about his knowledge of the god-stale virus, but he only gave a half remembered answer about it being a hypothetical weapon used to stop but not kill a god. But I've then handed each of you a bottle bike and told you that the next crystal was hidden somewhere within the massive Draxpond mountain at the center of the continent. And so you threw plummeted to the ground and began speeding towards your goal. Wooo, epic guy! Grim room!

After driving for a bit, you were accosted by a gang of cobalt biker goffs, known as the Zard Chargers. Using a combination of fancy driving and a gracefully failed acrobatics check from Niaq, you managed to out drive all the cobalts and make it to the foot of the mountain. Once there, you notice the corpses of retrieval team 21. Or at least you thought they were corpses, until upon closer inspection, you discovered that Norwalk, a fellow gorilla of the Rana 4, was still alive. However, before you could stabilize him, Onyx was briefly overcome by the demon in her

flail and tried to end his life. Luckily, Jens and Nyak were able to stop her, but still, damn Onyx, you gotta get that sorted! I feel fine. You then left Norwalk to watch your exit and headed into the cave, where you were greeted by none other than Tukaru, the daughter of Band-of, the winged Kobold you defeated months ago and the Dragon Mouth cavern on Agendel. She then pulled out a magic jewel, took a huge tug, and transformed into an enormous

cloud dragon and challenged you to a fight. And now we're all caught up. Okay. Before you floats the menacing misty mug of grumbo lo grimbus, the vapeworm form of tukuru. This is like um, this is like Beowulf. It is exactly like Beowulf. I love it. I would say better than Beowulf. I agree.

I would say Beowulf is like this. Yeah, you're right. Bit your style off. Duh-Duh-Duh. Wow. You should, kind of rude. Are you not in the acknowledgments of Beowulf? I'm not up in there, Strangely enough.

Beowulf just thinks his mommy doesn't say it. Yeah, Grindel's mother. That's based on me, Albino. As you prepare to attack, she roars loudly, filling the room with silver clouds that look thick enough to eat. In fact, these clouds are so thick, they coat the entire chamber, creating an improvised layer.

And you know what that means? We got layer actions open this back. Oh, baby! Everybody roll initiative. Niacretreat. Weat. Layer actions. Unexcited with the dragon. I got an 11. Iiac retreats. Lair actions. Unexcited with the dragon.

I got an 11. I rolled an 8. I got a 10. Niac you got 11? Yes. I just want to apologize because I know that we had like the big like ice sort of um yes that made a terrible noise when you moved your little teacup. Right so I know that we like banned ice but I now have a teacup on a saucer. A ballish saucers. I feel like saucers are gonna be equally. Yeah, no I see. You also dragged it across the table with student sound good. I want to reiterate that on the last

episode I cast elemental ball weapon before we begin. Okay, yeah. You did that. Jen's you did something as well, right? Okay, yeah, you did that. Jens, you did something as well, right? I don't think I did anything. I told Nihak to throw a glove down. There you go. I did that. That's enough.

So Grambolo Grimbus, the vaporous form of two Karoo. And the icon of McDonald's. That's Grimbus. Oh, okay. This is a clever pun on clouds. Grimbace is going to cast Kiwi mango cloud shroud. The dragon creates a fog as if it had cast the fog spell. The fog lasts until initiative 20 on the next round.

Okay, so now the room is covered in fog. It smells so tropical and fresh, but it does hinder your actions you really should do that outside It's fine. It doesn't cause secondhand smoke. Yeah, it's actually that's that you have a big Just as bad for you. I don't know if that's true actually. Yeah, I think it is I've got a lot of websites you need to check out. I'm not going to your website. It's a phone free weekend You ever try hukka? That's too bad for you I'm not going to your website, it's a phone free weekend. You ever try hukka? That's too bad for you.

It doesn't look cool enough. OK, I think it was pretty cool. I've definitely done hukka with some gnomes. OK, so Grimbus cast a big fog over the entire layer. And everyone has disadvantage on attack rolls, including Grimbo Lo Grimbus. So can we say that it's because we got so chilled out by the vape and wrapped in scurred?

Yeah, I think that if everyone's scared. Everyone's buzzing R&N. Oh shit, is this like a weed vape? No, I think it's just like, It's just like a nicotine will tell you out, but. It's a little chilled by me. I get fucking anxious when people smoke nicotine around me. That's bad. All right, so your aunt everyone else is chilled by me. I get fucking anxious when people smoke me That's bad

All right, so your aunt everyone else is chilled So that's going to be a nice turn. I'm going to don my monocle. There you go So I believe that should Even out the advantage of this. Yeah, so just have regular old nicely done great. I'm going to not deeply at my brother just have regular ol' nicely done. Great, I'm going to nod deeply at my brother. Do I make you proud? No, that's a dorky, stupid thing. How about this?

Oh, a little steampunk, I kind of like it. I'm gonna like you. I think it looks great. I got a tattooed short-list man with a monocle. Mm-hmm. Unexplored visual in my opinion. I've got a mullet and a monocle. How often do you see that combination brother and brother

I saw that in Spencer's wondrous items. I would never I cast hail of thorns Ooh, and I draw my bow and I loose it at the dragon to career. Yeah, and shout out to the two crew. Oh, no That's a 11 total 11 not gonna do it cool. Okay, bye Thank you. What is hell of thornstale? It gives me two extra D10 at this level got it But I have to hit and that's a 12 12 misses Onyx your turn all right. I would like to attack Is that my mom's pantsuit? Well, I think I reinvented it. It's no longer your mom's it only answers to Annix

Now does a 15 hit no it misses okay try again. I Hate that that pantsuit look better on you. Does it 21 hit? It does. Ha ha. Whoa. With the help of my elemental,

that's going to be a 14. 14, all righty. Which is not the size of this pantsuit. Ha ha ha. Actually, I think it should be. That would be a really good size. It's kind of like an Annie Hall. Alright, that brings us to Jens.

Sweet, I am going to cast Dispel Magic on the Fog Cloud. But no, you can't get rid of my cottony mist. Get out of here. Take her jewel, please. It's so thick. And then I would like to give a use of bonus action, to give Bartik inspiration to Onyx. And I say Onyx, you look marginally better than that disgusting cobalt in that pantsuit.

Oh my goodness, I do a little strut. My mom is a loser, but like, come on. He doesn't dole compliments out easily. Ha, ha, ha. And that's it, I bow. All right, cool, that brings us to Tukaru. They are going to use their blueberry slushy blast. Oh.

A frigid cone of ethereal energy shoots out of the vapeworms mall. A frigid cone of ethereal energy, though. All right, this is a DC7 Constitution saving throw. 19. All right, you pass. I fail. You fail.

How's do I? All right, so, Jins, you take half damage, and y'all take full, we should spread out. Can I position it so that I fall on a greater healing potion? Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha.

Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Boo. Ha ha ha. All right, this is gonna be a lot of addition. Buh! Alright, this is gonna be a lot of addition. Give me one second. It was like a death maraca. Yes. You don't need to add it up, I'm down.

Yeah. Stop rolling more. Yeah, knock it off. Dunkle, we were having fun. So I take the dice away from him. Dunkle's drunk. Drunkle? You take 39 points of damage. I am down. Dunkle's drunk. Drunkle. You take 39 points of damage.

I am down. That's a lie. Oh, well, well, OK. OK, gang. You're still up there. I'm still up yet. OK. All right.

I'm fine. All right. Well, that's their turn. Great. But now it's back around to their layer action. Oh, no. They are just. I took half, right?

Toes of fire, the jail. I'm okay. They're going to, I would like you to reassess whether or not I could fall onto a greater healing potion just with my mouth open. I'm just kidding. You want to roll a D20? If I get a 20, did I fall onto a greater healing?

I got an 11. Okay. You fall and nothing 11. Okay. Yeah. You fall and nothing out of the screen. All right. Yeah, they're going to put back up the Kiwi Mango Cloudtrout. God damn it. But you think it's pretty tropical, right? No, it sucks.

You already did that you loser. Oh, it's like a slushy on a warm day. Killed my kind of friends. They're not around to hear it. They killed my mom. I'm not down my brother. Everyone did a lot of chili. My baby brother. It're my mom. I'm not down my brother. Everyone did a lot by baby brother. It's not me, not you, it's good to hear this.

It's George Hurt. Ha ha ha. OK, so everyone has disadvantage on a tax now. OK, now I act you're down, give me a death save. Oh no. Oh right. 19. There you go.

Onyx, you're down, give me a death save. Seven. You can do it with party conspiracy, but you actually don't. Save it if you like get in a real trouble. Zogaf is sitting on Mercurio's ship, kind of just being like, wonder how those guys are doing. They're probably doing fine, I don't need to worry about them. They said not to watch.

Okay, Jins, your turn. Sweets, I don't need to worry about them. They said not to watch. Okay, Jins, your turn. Sweets, I don't think about that. I would like to healing word my baby brother who I call half stranger as soon as he wakes up. Wake up, you lazy half stranger. You probably learned that from the human side of you. I'm sorry to dishonor you brother. Yes, you bring great dishonor to our family.

I too have a shitty baby brother. He went to Harvard. Five HP. I know it's not much. So that's a bonus action. I'm going to use my action to pour a potion into Onyx's mouth. So what is it?

Greater healing potion. Greater healing, so it is going to be 8D4 plus 8. Oh, sweet. Yeah, Jesus. I can auto roll that if you want me to Onyx you recover 21 hit points. Oh Nice Thank you, Jens. All right Jens, is that your turn? No, I'm okay. So I use my action. I use my bonus action. I'm also going to

Separate from them. I'm gonna like run in a circle around the dragon. Where'd you go? I'm in the mist It's cool, right? Breathe it in. No, it sucks But you're stupid enough to put it out there. I figure my mind is well-hidened. You've lost him. You'll never see my brother again So yes, I just want to get out of the way in case she does another breath great So I'd like to use all my movement to get nice for them as possible good thinking. Okay, it is Tukurus turn again First of all, I'm gonna see if her breath weapon recharges It does not nice. So there you go. Oh, here we go. She's gonna do a cotton candy thick rip, a thick sugary mist of candy tentacles

pours out of the dragon's mall in a 30 foot cone. Each creature must succeed on a DC 17 constitution saving throw or be paralyzed for a minute. Who are you going for? Gonna go for Niac and Onyx, who are in the same spot. God, how do you change out your jewel pods so quickly? Ha, ha, ha.

When you're a master's vapor like I am, you have this ability on recall. What kind of save was it? Constitution. 12, DC 17 Constitution. I fail again. Uh-oh, as do I. See, all are both paralyzed for one minute.

How long does it minute really? In the heat of battle. It's one minute. How long does it minute really in the heat of battle? It's one minute. Yeah. Oh. I'll let you do Constitution saves on your next turn to try and break the prerosses. As someone with plus two Constitution?

Eh, I don't feel hopeful. Now that I've taken care of him, I can focus on you, you know. Speaking as a worm, it'll be easy for me to find you because you're also a worm. I'm not a worm. You're a nasty little worm You're gonna take that mark about my brother. You come in here and insult my cool vape pods. Yes Get all over me. I'm pissing in your mother's pants. So stop that. Yes, I can see it

Bad stuff was a saint, okay. There's a Banda was a saint, okay? There's a pool of piss in her mother's pants. It's an improvement. Don't you piss in her memory. It's an Olympic sized pool. Her relationship is complex and I kind of miss her, all right? It's a stinky piss, lots of chicken wine. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha We're back up to the layer action. Yikes. Let me know if I'm going too hard by the way. No, that's fine.

It's fun. I like it. If it's a total party kill, it's a total party kill. And I guess we'll figure it out from there. I have an idea too. We could pause the recording and just rough call to a lot. OK, I'm going to do a quick roll for something outside of your

realm of perception. Oh, and it went well. So for us and for you. I ain't got the butts. Is she distracted by her nostalgia from her mother? And she starts fighting emotionally? She thinks about her mother. She thinks about the day that she was in the school play

and her mother filmed it, and then like they went to Pizza Hut afterwards. Oh, geez, I feel awful now. That broke me. Yeah. I don't want to play. I want to curl up in a ball and call home. So you grew up.

Do you grew up thinks about how they didn't get along really well after she entered high school? But like, she would still slide snacks under her door. She realizes for the first time it was her fault. Anyway, layer action. She's great move from paralysis. Yeah. All right. let's see.

I think she's just gonna keep the fog cloud going. Okay, so disadvantage remains. Great, okay, so that brings us to Nyak. So I'm gonna roll to see if I can break out of paralysis. Yes. Okay. If you can break out. I cannot.

Well, never mind then, just know I have greater healing on me. Oh, you on X you're turned it Okay, I break in out of paralysis. Nope. Not gonna happen. Okay, okay cool Jens that me it's you oh boy. It's on me hug-ing Jens you pay all the rent and you solve all the battles. Okay, I'm gonna do it brother Let me know if this is some bullshit or not. I'm gonna go real quick. Okay, so first things first, I'm going to run towards Onyx. As I'm running, I'm going to lift the coin out

and call the gorilla guy. And I'm going to say, hey, hope you're still out front. I know we didn't get along great, but you made a great deal to my dear brother, and I consider you a brother, and if you would fight for us, I would be forever in your debt. Thank you so much, ULS.

Oh, yeah, no problem. I just peaked my head in, because I heard a loud rumble in there, and it's covered in fog. What's going on? Oh, it's bad getting here, please. Oh, yeah, I'm coming in. Dory.

Spread out, spread out. Okay, you called me dear brother. Come hug my paralyzed body. He might have been talking about me. We are all brothers. That's true. Norwalk joins the battle. Hell yeah.

But they do not have much HP at the moment. I think we said they had seven, is that correct? Yes, we did say that. Great. Yes, just spread out Norwalk, and then I'm going to run over and I am going to grab Keychain off of Onyx. And I'm gonna be like, another person

I'm going to need to swallow my pride. And bring Keychain into it. I'm gonna do fucking third level spell, hell yeah. Bring him on. Alrighty. I open him up and I throw him so that he'll be on the other side of the room. I'm gonna do fucking third level spell hell yeah bring him on all right I Open him up and I throw him so that he'll be on the other side of the room smart tack to the ends Where are you? Oh, yes, right fog? You didn't get to see this heartwarming moment where I had to rely on you

But um you rely on me is that true? I sure do and you live in my apartment rent-free So start paying for your stupid robot ass. I will clean the bathroom extra hard. Good. Cool. Keychain joins the battle as well. Great mixing it up. Good work. Sweet. And then would you consider that like an action or a bonus action? Hmm. I'll let you have that as a bonus action. Sweet. Okay, then I will do which one you guys is more hurt? Oh, naak. naak, you're fucked up. I got 21. Yes. Okay. I am going to Run up and try to further spread us out, but maybe you can let me do this with a strength check or something I want to do a cure wounds where I just like push him super hard And I think he's about to hug me. Yeah

Finally a brotherly embrace out from Onyx. You goddamn idiots. Oh, so you're just like hiding in the mist? I'm just trying to like throw him into the mist, yeah. Great. Oh, honestly, we weren't idiots. Oh, heaven really fast. So I heal you for 10. Nice.

Yeah. Nice work. OK, Jens, is that your turn? Jens, if you run at her spells, you can take my mantle of the moth. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Oh, you're a pretty powerful battle too.

Okay, so that's back around to Tukaru. I think you were causing a lot of mischief for Tukaru, so she's gonna try and slash it you now, but she does have disadvantage stuff. Great, jumping around in the fog. Mm-hmm. You're so quick. How did you learn such cool moves? From my my father who I had a great relationship with?

Oh, yeah me too. I treasured him. Yeah, my parents were separated. I live with my dad. Oh, oh, yeah, it's great That's cool. Did your mom like move on? I mean Yeah, a little bit. It's tough. Yeah, she you know obviously it's been more time with my little brother and he got into Harvard super early Yeah, he's a child prodigy. It's hard, you know, there are silver linings I'm a silver lining. You're parents happiness matters as well Yeah, she wrote a four in a two. Yes. All right on her first attack. Oh Okay, does a 20 hit you god damn it. Yes. You take 18 damage god damn it. I'm out. You're out. You're down by great, so

Tukuru Seems a little shocked by what they've done. Oh, you went down pretty easy. I guess I rule I'll keychain get get the push and do asshole. You stupid robot. It is keychains turn now. Actually wait, no, gorilla guy, you do it. You have low HP. Well me, okay. I thought I'd turn though. You sure you don't want the robot to do it. We have two greater healing push-ins Yeah. Come grab them, Kichain. Okay, Kichain runs over. You're both the all-apparelist. Yeah.

Okay. Here's what's gonna happen. Kichain opens their mouth. You see the sockets in their mouth start to spark, and they're going to jump down on your arm and try and jolt you out of your paralysis. Oh, this is like a lecture shock, that would be. And that's going to lower the DC to 10. Ooh, okay.

So try to beat a DC 10. Oh, 14. He breaks it. Nice. So he breaks my paralysis. Your paralysis is broken. Nice work. I believe in you. Oh, thank you so much.

Thank you so much, you little robot. Do you want a potion or should I save it for your brother? Give it to both of my brothers. Okay. I guess that's probably his turn. So that brings us back around to the layer action. Yipes. Okay.

They're going to keep the fog cloud going. But they are going to switch up the flavor from Kiwi Mango to I think like triple berry. Oh, this one's the worst. It's just like no one can artificially replicate a berry. He's good. It's a dragon fruit like me. Jen's groans in his unconscious state. It's my boyfriend's favorite.

We fapin' into each other's mouths. Oh, kiss. Disgusting. I hate how hot I find that. Ah. Ah. Okay, now it's Norwalk's turn. They're going to be a literal gorilla in the mist and head towards gins, I guess.

Yeah. You want to contact them? Yeah. They got to grab the potion from me. Okay, yeah, they'll do that first. I'll say that this room is small enough that they can get from you to gins on their turn. Great. Because this is kind of like the atrium for like the larger mountain.

They're going to pour that potion down your gullet. Sweet. And you're back up for, uh, let me roll it for you. 24. Yeah. Nice. You're doing okay. See, I told you things were rough in here. Yes, you did. And we didn't listen to you. Thank you. I'm glad I spared you. We didn't even make it in here. We died out there as we know it's bad in here So team 22 is a little better than team 21, but still respect you okay, you know a little that's weirdly aggressive after I just saved you But then sorry, I'm trying to learn. Yeah, it's got your whole vibe. I don't know. I have to be nice Now yeah, you're still paralyzed give me a arm. Give me a con say Yes 21 you break it.

Yes. All right. Cool. Take your turn. Ooh, yikes. So the way spells work, I can't cast Hail of Thorns now, right? Like I tried to cast it, and I missed on my attack. No, I was like, you're the spell slots, certainly.

Okay, that's how it works. Yeah, yeah, if you've got slots. Cool. Then I, my man, you got slots? I got slots. Let's do it, got slots. Slots on slots on slots. Take some shots I my man you got slots. I got slots this dude got slots on slots on slots I'll take some shots with my slots. Hell yeah

I die my monical I wink at my brother with my monical die and I Can't see you in the fog just no I'm winking brother. I'm tracking you by your voices now Damage my dragon also is your dragon a beast? I think beast is different than dragon's. Yeah, fine. 19 25 damage, 25 damage, 25 damage. Alright, and with my second attack, 19.

That hits. Six damage, a little less impressive Now yeah, that was oh, okay, I step on the monitor That first one was kind of a fluke right to crew take the blue Maybe underestimate it y'all oh, okay, there's thorns on that one. Oh, do the thorns. Yeah, yeah. 12 damage actually. Ooh, it's out of the six. Wow. Nice. Alright. Y'all are wit-lender down. Finally. Okay. Um, so I'm good, but I'm not paralyzed. I would like to, um, I would like to mask of many faces in your mother's pantsuit. Make myself look like her mother. No. Wow. Okay. And then do a deception role. Okay. I'm blowing out the fog all around Onyx. 21. Oh shit. She thinks it's her mom. My daughter. Why do you

sound European? Because in hell, this is how everyone's. You're in hell this is how I You're in hell That's fucking badass. I'm great. I'm awesome. Uh if you don't believe me then I will have to punish you Give her spanking roll with advantage roll with advance. Yeah, I'm so Fuck yes! 20? 20 damage? And then my second attack? Does a 20 hit?

Yes! For another 11! So 31 total. Good job guys! Bad baby! Wait a little mom you see Red mist pouring out of the dragon a little bit. Yeah My daughter mom, why would you hit me? That's not cool because you are a bad baby At least you're paying attention to me. Yes, you're a bad baby. You're a bad baby

paying attention to me. Yes, you're a bad baby. You're a bad baby. I'm a good baby. I'm a good baby. You'll never live up to the bad woman I was. You'll always be a bad baby. No, I'm a cool teen bitch. I'm red. All of a sudden you hear speaking over the voice of Tukaru the dragon spirit. For this girl, that is not your mother. We will destroy them all. Hohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohoh Vaping is cool. Oh, if vaping is cool, then why does your mother also vape? What? Oh, great counter. Is there an illusion of vaping to your hand? No, I don't have illusion. But you're the one that hit my jewel pod.

You flush my jewels down the toilet. Just stick your head in the fog and pretend to smoke away. Yeah, I think I just swallow some fog and then blow out and assume that and hope that that looks like I just veiled. Well, I guess now I'm gonna have to do like mental checks against Pertukaroo to see if she can resist this dragon spirit sway. Cool, cool. But in the meantime, it's Jens's turn.

Sweet, here's what I'm gonna do. I whip out two Nelerian time daggers. Hell yeah. And I'm just gonna run up to this drag and take three attacks and hope that I crit or get a 19, it's low this thing down. Hell yeah. Bring it. Okay, first attack.

Cool daggers, are those Koonai? Oh, I don't watch anime. Get out of here. That's a 21 to hit, but not a cool crit. So I just do a D4 plus 5. Hey, but not a crit. But not a crit, only 4 damage, second attack, not 1. She speeds up. And then I will stab with my offhand.

Please, please help me. Give him a crit. Fucking shout out to the three creep. Oh, three creep. I miss big time. I'm trying to think if I should use a bonus action. Okay, you know what, I'll do a first level healing word on my boy, Nyak. What's the word? The word is half.

He's inching closer. Five. Only five HB. Cool. Dangerously low on spills. That's your turn. Yep. Cool. So it's a two-carous turn again and they're slushy blast does recharge Oh, do you like but are you going to use a spell on your own mother? I think that you're protected now I'm gonna do an insight role every time,

but I don't think she's gonna target you for now. But I think she will go after... Hmm. Niac. Bring it on, come on. All right, here we go. Okay, you need to make a DC constitution saving through. Are you sure?

I'm also your mother What 11 you see more like my brother he's such an overachiever fine. I'm that then 11 Whatever gets you to not kill me with your breath. Okay. I'm just gonna computer roll this because it's a lot of dx yikes 23 oh, I'm down. You're down, yeah. Okay. Sorry, pal. It's okay.

I feel a little more conflicted about this than I should. Remember when I crit? Remember me as a critter. You are a little critter. I don't wanna gobble you up. Okay, it's keychains turn. Go, keychain. Okay, chain, you wanna potion somebody in the mouth. Yes, please do one more potion

I guess we'll take it over to nighak then yeah Keychain is the potion boy and he comes over to you heals you for 18 You might be a better roommate than I thought I was so scared you were down Never do that to me again. Keychain slaps you. I'm not sure they gave you. 18. Wish you had more.

Me too. This took a somber turn. I'm so sorry. That's fine. That's fun. It's fun. We're having a good time. I like how things are hard.

All right. That brings it around to layer action. I'm going to have them roll to see if they are too distracted by their mother's face to successfully do a layer action. Okay, and I add to that that I've taken some blood and dirt from the ground. And I made it, because their brother goes to Harvard, right? Yes.

And I made a Harvard logo on my shirt. And I say, and I say, you know who would never trade me like this and then I rip open the blazer of my pants so you can reveal a Harvard logo on my t-shirt. Go Crimson! Oh! Why are you wearing those stupid colors? I was smart too, I just like thought that the SAT's repulsion.

You didn't apply yourself. I bought you SAT prep and you snuck out of it. Give me a Charisma role. I guess persuasion or deception That's gonna be 24 nice for the fog dissipates Why didn't you do you know he's an engineer now? He's doing really well. He's working his way up at Google Ha ha ha! Duh! Why didn't you- Do you know he's an engineer now? Ah! He's doing really well. He's working his way up at Google.

I too know what it's like to have a successful brother. Ha ha ha! He does. Ha ha ha! But I find the joy in it. Why do you space so much attention to Thrichard not me? Tukaru! Because Thrichard is doing things that warrant my attention.

Ugh! He isn't hungry for it like you. Blue vaporous tears drop from the dragon's face and the fog cloud lifts. I look at Nia again, Jen, and I'm like, this feels really mean. No, it's good. She deserves it. No, it's fine. I spotted a sore spot and I'm just poking in.

Let us twist the knife. Okay. Norwalk kind of is impressed. He's like, dang, that's one way to do it, I guess. Anyway, I guess I'm gonna hit this dragon. Yeah. Go. They get to attack.

Ooh, we get to see them in action. Yeah, actually. Careful though, Norwalk. Norwalk. Let me show you how someone from Renafor fights. Norwalk picks up an enormous slab of rock and hooks it at this dragon. Oh yeah. That's what's up.

They get a 19. Nice. Fuck yes, they definitely hit this dragon for what kind of fighter is Norwalk? They're an ape. Hell yeah. Oh they are. And maybe they'd be like a barbarian or something. I love that they're just in a class

They're just a normal ape now humble ape if you will a noble ape 84 damage okay, okay, thanks no rock Hey, I'm doing my best. Oh, you know what you can now go away outside again. Thank you, buddy. I was recently dead fuck you All right, they're gonna take one more attack sweet. I going to keep chucking rocks. I think that's fun. Great. I like that. I like that visual. An ape hucking a rock at a dragon. Here's what they're going to do.

They're going to hook a keychain. Oh! They got a three. They miss. Okay. Keychain goes soaring over the dragon's head. Hey, don't throw our really. Really?

Yeah. I am flying. Like, Jim's did it. I'm flying. I'm flying. I'm flying. I'm flying. I'm flying. I'm flying. I'm flying. I'm flying. I'm flying. Okay, Keachan goes soaring over the dragon's head. Hey, don't throw our... Really?

Yeah. I am flying like Jim's did earlier. Whoa, you saw all that? I did. I can see everything. You are being monitored by so many different people. Oh, wow. You know, I like to be very public with my Trinstagram, but I also on the private life

if that contradiction makes sense. You are easily trackable. Yeah. You have to with my Trinstagram, but I also on the private life, if that contradiction makes sense. You're easily trackable. You have to have a Finsagram. Phone free weekend. All right, that's back around to Nyak. Nyak, can you throw me your monical? Yes, I can do that. Thank you.

I throw my brother, his mon his monical our monical Do an athletics check to see if you catch it. I'm just kidding. Thank you And since my brother is going to don the monical then I will cast favorite favorite enemy. Oh Not just let's me get advantage on attacks. Hey, sir advantage Wow and that just lets me get advantage on attacks. Hey, Surrey. Surrey, manage. Wow, does a 17 hit? No, unfortunately. Yeah, it's great. I'll take my second attack.

Don't take this courage, Nyaak. Does a 17 hit? Ha ha ha ha. Does it slowly wear them down? Never, not again. Cool, that is my turn. They are made of vapor. Okay.

All right, Onyx, your turn. Okay, you know, three-chird is coming home for thanks, giving this year. Oh, what? Yeah, but I know you said you were busy. I said I would bring a pie. And then I attacked. Do I have advantage still?

I probably know that was just one term. No, I think like that's gonna affect layer actions but nothing else. I also want to You're pretty hurt right still I am at 18. Okay. I'm gonna But I'm like you might as well if it's like spells or anything you might as well just get killed every time the dragon hits me Like like we gotta pop people back up and I attack We just gotta pop people back up. Yeah, and I attack.

16 does not hit. 17. It's inspiration. Oh, you're right. Nice. Doesn't 18 hit. 18 hits. Nice.

There you go. Whoo. Okay. That's going to be 11. And then I take my second attack. 15 does not hit. But whatever. God, I'm rolling shit today.

Is that your turn? Yes. Great. Jins, back around to you. Okay. All right, you stupid teen. I'm going to punish you, just like you should have been punished by your mother a long time ago. You're probably right. A little more boundaries would have really helped me. Yes, I think so. I gave your boundaries. And then I say, nobody take pictures of this and I put on the monocle. And I want to climb the dragon and try to sink the time daggers into her.

Ooh, I'll give you advantage on that. Sweet. You look exactly like my boyfriend when you wear that monocle. Oh no. He's really into steam. Oh. Goddamn it. Okay, okay, that's ah damn. Okay, that's only 17 hits. I miss on the first one

second attack Is a 21 to hit so I go I don't crit like I want to Seven damage seven I great and then I do offhand attack 23 to hit you hit but not my crit And then five damage and then I will look over at Nyak and I will give him bardic inspiration I'll say Thanks, thanks for throwing me the modicle.

I weep. Um, Tukuru weeps as well. She's so envious of the amazing relationship that you two brothers have. You can be close with your brother. I'm just stabbing into her. I look at you. He doesn't have time for me. I look at Tukuru and I say,

you're the reason I had to give up my sedan for a minivan. But the minivan had room for all my hockey equipment. Exactly. And I always resented you for it. But you always took me every morning and you were sinning me? Is that what motherhood truly is? Maybe. I looked at Jensen and Naya and I said, again, this feels just really neat. I'll take the mantle. You had no natural hockey ability and watching you every day was a chore for your mother.

Oh! Every time she said, good job. She had to dig deep and lie to you. Yes, she wishes you took, you did a less expensive sport because you weren't worth spending money on. Getting up at 5 a.m. for morning practice. Why would you do that?

Yes, you wouldn't even wake up at 9 for you. You drove her away. You drove a wedge between her and your father. Yes, you as a child should have known to be better so that your parents didn't get divorced. Thank you guys. That makes perfect sense. It feels so much less mean coming from you guys. No, silence. First silence is an agreement. It feels so much less mean coming from you guys No silence I like this strategy keep insulting her

It'll lower the yeah the layer action is down again. No, I would I would always do this at high-offs school You just are just really mean to people and then everyone is afraid to be mean to you It's not so competitive so many high-offs go to Harvard. Yeah, this is what my brother taught me It's really nice to use it on someone else instead of me. If you're mean all the time, then everyone will be afraid to talk to you and then they can't hurt you. Don't you guys understand? My brother is a genius.

I renovated your room. What is it now? It's just a Chachki room for me. It's not even like an exercise room. And there were lots of other rooms in your house that you could have renovated. Yeah. I just have my morning tea in there.

What did you do with my PS3? I chucked it. Ah! All right. You've gotten her plenty mad. She's going to attack one of you now. Great. I think she's going to go for Norwalk, because.

Oh no. He was a chuck and rock satter and that's shitty. It was nice knowing you, noble gorilla. Norwalk does a real cool barrel roll dodge and misses on the first time. Is that where you learned that, Nyak? Yes. Oh no. Obviously he's not quite as graceful as me.

I've fallen a little bit more in face. A little bit more natural. How did you track jam into this game?ful is me. I fall a little bit more in face. A little bit more natural. How did you track jam into this cave? It follows me. I'm cursed on it. What? God did you anger?

No! No! She does. The end of this podcast, we're going to end up fighting jam. I don't know. Margaret, Niaj drowns in jam. Total party kill via jam. I think my lungs are falling on jam.

The pain of my existence. She's just going to swipe at Norwalk because she did hit on her second attack. Oh no. Norwalk is back down. Oh no. I'll let you know you can Try and stabilize him though. He's not like totally right. Okay. He gets death saves. He's a very important character

We'll never leave our best friends if I make it out of this if I make it out of this I'm gonna train really hard and be like a level six at least Hey, that's what we are. Jen's just goes. Oh, no not norwalk Anyone but Norwalk, cool. Oh, it's Keychains turn. Keychains takes Norwalk's death really hard for some reason. No, another potential roommate. Yes, he inspired.

He's not moving in with us. Another one to help with the chores. We should tell him that the rent is free. Keachan gets three attacks. Nice. There we go. Three chain. That's a natural 20.

Yeah. Yeah. Keachan. Keachan. That's Rubei ever. Yeah. That's Rubei ever. All right, eight damage on the first hit.

Big crit. Keachan goes in with that crit, just leaves the javelin there and ready's two more from their big mouth. Nice. Wash, mwah. Ahaha. Ah, that just misses yikes.

But that one, fuck, just misses two. And that's Keychain's turn. They look back and say, I'm sorry, I could not help more. And then they bow their head deeply. That was great, that misses two. Uh, and that's keychains turn. They look back and say, I'm sorry, I could not help more. And then they bow their head deeply. That was great. You did an amazing job. You did an amazing job.

Not like your daughter. Oh, I'm sorry, today. My daughter, I don't think I ever saw her. Great. Why do you sound so French? It's how they speak in hell. I went through hell in a bad person. I believe it.

I will say this dragon is starting to look a little hurt There's a lot more red mist in the air than there was before great She's still got plenty of spunk left in her but like you're whittling her down got it less spunk And that brings us to that Spunk layer actions are out of commission as long as you keep up the disguise Norwalk is unfortunately down. I guess norir has to make a death saving room. Oh no. Come on, Noirwalk.

13. Wait, that's a pass. That's a save. That brings us to an IAC. Okay. Oh, I should say I cast Hunter's Mark, not favored. Favorite enemy. Okay, cool.

Hunter's Mark. But you do have advantage now. And there's no fog in the room. Great. You also have a party expiration fog in the room. Great. You also have a party expiration. Don't forget. Sweet.

In case it's 21 on my first bow, and I do like a cool barrel roll, kind of like Norwak's It's a nice roll! You're dead! It's just like, whatever. And Guts just coming out of stomach to chatting. It is what it is. Nine damage. I love normal. I do a one-headed cartwheel over his corpse and I brought my bow again Watch my guts, buddy. I slip in his guts. It's like jam. I Miss I had how much did you how much did you miss by oh shit? What'd you get I got a 14 so yeah?

You need to get a four or higher a roll it so worth it yes it was that's 21 yeah hit me again hit my baby one more time five damage okay that's right hearted my daughter why you saying that I know we had a bad relationship, but still this seems weird enough character Okay, that's on it changed me and then I attack Shut up to the two crew Shut up to the one Wow look how weak your mother is I see where you get it. I'm sorry. I'm so depressed from seeing you in action. What the fuck?

You can never find a dragon. Look at me. I became a dragon. You should love me. You should worship me. You ruined my cool. Say that again. I can't say you were ruined. I think I know what she's trying to say. I can't remember what you were doing in my cobalt. But China. Oh no. Oh that's so gross.

Just saying like, oh. I've thrown it. Look how sick you make your mother. I don't know if even thinking about her ruined cobalt vagina. I didn't want to be born either, okay? Yeah, well, yeah. That makes everyone in this room. If we all agree that we're better off with you never being born, why don't you start attacking yourself? You know, I always thought I was pretty edgy,

but you guys are super edgy. Why, so you like gave yourself to a dragon? I found this cool jewel and it gave me dragon powers, okay? There's a lot of cool stuff on Ginerac. Can you just like cut it out? I can try. Do that. I would love you again if you cut it out.

So do it, wisdom save again if you cut it out. So do it with them, save. If you cut it out, I want to look at her. I want to look at her and say if you cut it out, remember that lasagna I used to make that you love so much. The one with the fish lasagna. The fish lasagna with extra cheese on top. No, it's not.

Yep, a lot of white fish and cheese. Oh, my two favorites. Yeah. I could make talk to you. Yep, a lot of white fish and cheese. Oh. My two favorites. Yeah. I could, I could make that for you. With a side of Texas toast. A side of Texas toast, just like you like. Jesus.

She, uh, she rolled a six on her wisdom. Okay. We ate fish. We want meat and flesh. I am grumble or grimbus. I love to vape, vape nation. Even flesh is there. Leave this teen alone, you predator. I'm going to grind you up into vape oil, and then I will vape your bones.

You are pure pressure smoking animated. You are. I love how this started to affect the wrong enemy. Yeah, brothers, let's save this team. Let's save this way. We're a team. It's started to a Saturday afternoon special.

I love it. Okay, Jens, it's your turn. Okay. Okay. Okay. How hurt does she look? Can I make like some kind of inside chat? Is there like any way that we could?

Because I do, we're like, right, I can go under so bad. I think that's so bad. Even Jen's rotten heart is starting to feel a little bad. I'm hoping that if we get her to death store that I can ask her mother, tell her I'm proud of her and stuff. Give me an insight. Okay, 12.

12. You don't get any sense of how hurt she is yet, but you do see kind of like, the more red mist that's pouring off, you're also seeing kind of like patches in the mist, and you catch a glimpse of two crews face, and she looks like she's in way over her head. Okay, but she kind of looks like she needs help.

She needs to be rescued here. Okay, okay. I am going to, I was just stabbing her in the back with the time daggers, like I had climbed up on her. I'm going to pull the daggers out. And then I am going to climb down and I'm going to grab her face and I'm gonna say, you stupid teen, okay?

I know what it's like to grow up without your parents. You just need to not be, you just figure it out and then I cast the spell magic on her third level. You had a mother level. You still have a mother. I know I still have a mother, but it was, you have a mother level. I, but, we still have a mother. I know I still have a mother, but it was, you have a family, brother.

Maybe. If anything, you turned your back on your family. Either way, I'm glad you cast a spell, that's it. We have to talk. How about this? Sure. I'm going to make a wisdom save at a DC-20. Okay, if you clear that, more fog will clear,

which will be the equivalent of her losing HP. Okay, you're basically damaging the dragon, but not her. Got it, okay. Okay, so I get a plus seven to this roll. Great, come on, gosh, dang it. That's great. Fucking 25. Oh! Great come on gosh dang it great fucking 25

Okay, what's your normal damage roll? It's usually a D6. Okay. Yeah, you know what roll two D6's sweet And then you want me to just add like my attack. Yeah, okay. That's a 10 total great You are in close on to Karoo's head You're kind of speaking to the heart of this dragon monster now. And you kind of start to see like strands of the silky mist, like falling off it, almost like hair. And it seems to be weakening a little bit. And you see like the grasp that Grumbelo has on Tukuru is like loosening. Nice.

So Tukuru, listen, I lost my father when I was a boy of 45. I know what it's like. You're so old. I know what it's like. No wonder you're so bad at Instagram. Yeah, teenagers don't like old people. I'm just like maybe lie and say, you know what I'm gonna live to be hundreds of years old.

Oh, God. It would want to be that old. I'm a generation Z-Q. I'm trying to save your life, you stupid team. You look cool. I know a kid that like skateboards all the time and never wears shirts and he looks all like you. Yeah, does he have this many awesome tattoos?

I turn around and they're all handmade. They're like a game of Tateco on my back. Well, look at that one, it's a little butterfly. And this one's a big butterfly. And over here, this one's a medium-sized butterfly. It's just all butterflies. Yes, many butterflies. I have caterpillars on my feet. And I can coon on my abdomen. Oh, I see. So I said, travels up your body. It turns into butterfly. I hadn't thought about it like that. You stood in the place where your head is shaved by your mullet, you should have a dead butterfly. That's a good idea, back to the earth.

Okay, it's Tukurus turn again. They're going to try and resist Grumbolo. Do it. And I think if they succeed, they just want to attack this turn. Great, cool. That is a pure seven to their wisdoms. There's some not enough. So they are going to attack. I mean, I'm in her mouth. You are right up in her mouth. I think that that's just how it's got to be. But all right, but she's just going to do a bite on you. Okay.

Seeing as you are in the mouth. 19 hits 1000 d8. No, this is just her bite. So it's not as bad. Well, it's still pretty bad. It's 15 damage. Okay, I'm very hurt. All right, so live that's her first attack. Ow Be stronger you teen 16 hits. Okay It's okay. I've got I've got a heal you got a heal great that I can join you It's not great, but

17 down all right, okay, okay, you see as you fall the dragon's face is half removed So you can see like an enormous like cloud dragon and then you can see her face behind it Uh Kind of like venom. Oh, no. I quietly say so freaking rad Pretty tight. I know, yeah. And she kind of gets this look of apology on her face, but then like the clouds wrap back over her head and she chomp sat you and then tosses you to the ground. And that's keychains turn. Keychain. Keychain. My last words are I should have never been nice. Keychain is also going to try to make a passionate speech You don't have the same inflection as here is the thing okay

You have so many Zord chargers who you love in respect you have an entire crew and I also have a new crew Who I found and who I love and there is nothing more important than that. You must find the family where you can and remember the best parts of those. You have left behind. Oh shit who is Keachan talking about? Did you just play a YouTube video of a really great speech? I fart loudly as I'm unconscious Looks like a lot of an heirous Keep it wasn't forced out. Let's see if Tukuru buys it Keychains charisma is a minus one Keychains got a net 20 on his fucking motivational speed.

Keach ain't got a 2-0-20. Yeah. Alright, this is going to be more psychic damage. Keach ain't as crit-worthy than any of you fools. I know. Keach ain't does six damage. They're out of healing potions, Earth Day. Thanks, so.

Cool. Alright, that's going to bring us back around. Layer actions are totally off the map at this point. Norwalk is dead. He's gotta do a save Wake up. Oh, oh, no. That's an eight for Norwalk. Okay. It's one death I just wish Norwalk knew if we weren't eating it so hard Maybe we would care about it. Oh, chip me out. I'm going to the golden tree tops That's what gorilla's go and they die. I'm gonna swing forever with my dead family.

It's cool. I can't wait to see you there, brother. I wish I could have had one more beer with my dad at the bar, but whatever. God damn, I'm gonna save you now. It's cool. You probably would have met him if you ever went to the jungle, but probably not anymore.

I don't know. All right. Oh, Niax, your turn. Oh, okay. Okay. Can I tell which is the dragon and which is Tukuru? If you do an insight check. Okay.

I will do that. Cool. And also at this point, like, you know when you pour some dry ice into something and it all starts pouring over the sides, that's kind of what the dragon looks like now. It's like sloughing off all over the place. That's cool. So you're catching glimpses of it.

That's a 19 point. 19 you absolutely can locate two crew on this dragon suite. So I'm going to fire not a two crew. I'm gonna let her know that you can have a full life even after losing a parent. You can still make a family. I'm a child of a widow and we have a happy, healthy family. I love my dead brother. My dead brother loves me.

I fired it down. I fired it down. I fired it down. 23 to hit the dragon. Nice. Nice. So that is 11 total. Then my second attack.

Ooh, garbage. I miss. You miss. Oh, unfortunate. You miss, but you hit two crews' heart. Okay. I just... I didn't think I'd miss her as much as I did.

You know, I basically said I wish you were dead and stormed out a couple of years back and now I wish I could take that wish back. You only get one wish and your wish came true that was your fault No, okay, is it my turn? Yeah, okay took a row. It's me your mother. Yeah, I just want to say I know I was really hard on you But it's because I was trying to save you from this very exact situation. So when I see, here you are, and you've been consumed by precisely what I was trying to lead you away from, I realize that I failed you as much as you feel like you failed me. I just, I wanted to

make you proud. That's why I, I found this dragon stone. I thought that if I could control it, then maybe you wouldn't need to keep looking for a dragon to worship. Then you know, you could worship me and I could worship you and we could be a family again. I understand that. I don't like your actions, but I still love who you are.

You are not your actions. You've just been let astray. And I say, follow your mother's lead. And been let astray and I say follow your mother's lead And then I go over and I place my Astamar hands onto Jen's Lindell and I do healing hands Which is an astamar thing for six because that's my warlock level nice still very cool I thought I was gonna die while wearing a monocle I thought I was gonna die while wearing a monocle. Ha ha ha ha.

Awesome monocle brother. Ha ha ha ha ha. I hide it. Uh, Jins, it's your turn. Is that your turn? Yeah. Okay, that's what you're doing. I will also just, uh, as a bonus action, do Hexblade Curse in case I have to fight her again.

Great. Okay. Um, do I see which is the dragon and which is her? At this point, it's clear. Great. Okay. I am just gonna go all out short swords Fuck them time daggers and I'm just gonna take three attacks do it up first attack 17 to hit just misses 22 to hit hits

Nine damage jens Finish her nice Oh boy. She's breathing heavy and she's like in a prison of smoke kind of trying to get out at this point like thrashing as this dragon constrains her. I sigh and I go, you stupid, stupid teen and then I grab her by the collar and I yank her out and then I stab the dragon. No! Get out of here, you actual bad person. You wanna smoke?

No! He doesn't affect your lungs. That hasn't been proven. Baping is just as bad for you, son of a bitch. Cause it's bad for your reputation What no, I don't know. I think it's kind of fun. Yeah, that's right. It's pretty cool But you seem like you've already got a curse at Jim so maybe share the wealth a little bit. Yeah, I guess I can be seduced by bad things Well cool. Yes, you pull her out and as you do the dragon dragon tries to reach its tendrils to contain her,

but it fails and all of the smoke sucks back into this cursa jewel. And you are out of combat and Tukuru is kind of laying dazed on the ground. I guess we'll go to chest compression on normal. I go straight to mouth to mouth. Oh, I'm necessary. This episode of NAD pod is brought to you by Bird Dogs. They're a company that makes pants and shorts, so no matter where you fall and the age old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered.

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Can we go back and forth? Like you do one mouth when you come up for air that I go in and do a mouth? This is wild. This is exactly what I was dreaming about in the golden tree tops. You're going to take your dad out for one more beer, nor was. Oh, buddy, get over here. All three, you'll come here.

All right. We can be roommates if you want yeah I was just about to say thank you People chair in the city you know, I've never been to Vindalore and I've always wanted to go Maybe if I could like stay over sleep on the couch going to tonight's nobody sleeps on your couch right? The couch is taken in fact every object of furniture is taken even the bathtub. Yes There's some room on the roof. Oh, I love sleeping on the roof.

This is so, so far, unclamed. You can sleep on the roof. I respect you. I respect you too, you goddamn maniac. Yes, sir. Norwalk slaps a big hand on your shoulder. So it's like, thanks for keeping these knuckleheads in check. They seem like they'd be lost without you, bud. Jen Stotz.

Should we help that girl back down there? She has, should we help that super hurt teen? I think I'm going to shift out of being her mother and pretend that I never did. That's a good call. Yeah. Oh, Onix, you just got here. Oh.

Onix, hey. You missed everything. Mom, she was having this delusional freak out where she thought you saw her mom. I just want you to know, Tukaru, that maybe during the fight, during the battle, once you were getting very hurt, maybe you saw some things that did not actually happen, but perhaps they help you come to terms

and so they are still valuable. You're not wearing the pantsuit. Or are you wearing the pantsuit? I'm still wearing the pantsuit. My mom had valuable. The pantsuit. You're not wearing the pantsuit or are you wearing the pantsuit? I'm still wearing the pantsuit. My mom had the exact same pantsuit. I did. Oh, well we did. Yes, we killed her.

I did. Kill your mother, but I'm sick. But she was trying to kill us. My mom was kind of a jerk, but I guess, you know, I took this job and it was a bad job. You took a job or I'll just try to get by in this world. It's, you've seen it outside. It's bad out there. Yeah. Yeah.

I thought, you know, I could be tough and lead these zard chargers on my own, but I don't know. I, maybe I should just call my dad and go home. That's a big issue. I think you should. I think you should. I think you should. I think you should.

I think you should. I think you should. I think you should. I think you should. I think you should. I think you should. Yeah, too cruel because I also maybe let something seduce me after my mother died and You know, it's still kind of playing itself out, but some days it feels like it was the wrong choice I'm not gonna lie and say I'm not pissed that y'all killed my mom Yeah, no, I'm not fucking sucks. That sucks so bad I did, but you still have a dad, so yeah. But yeah, I just wish I won out of two. It got into Cier one last time, but I think that knowing that she's dead, maybe I should try harder

to reconnect with Thrichard now. I think that maybe I was taking out anger on him when I was mid to direct it at my mom. So y'all still suck a lot, cause you beat me up real bad and killed my mom, but like, you suck. I'm a sleeper. You suck too, yeah.

We don't like you, we just didn't want to kill you. You're a teenager, I don't give a shit about your profile. Yeah, just overall, Ty. Didn't want you to totally die, cool. But you didn't deserve to die, you. Your mom did deserve to die. I'm glad you got her. Well, just remember if you want to try

to come and take vengeance on us again just remember how this end I think we can like leave it at that you know like no man's land like you go your way I go mind just cut off you know like cut toxic people out of your life absolutely we're toxic to you your toxic that respect respects just I respect you but I hate you and if you want to keep up with us, follow Jensland Del comedy. No, no, not yet. That's my boyfriend's house. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I Punched the wall I help write the skits. You don't like oh don't call them skits. I like them It's always like girls and boys are different. Yeah, it's no Lois comedy is not where it's like boyfriend and girlfriend and then there's like this really hot thought and

I like you watch I love it. It was so funny when the boy He won't let me be in them because I'm filming them Yeah, they're funny. It's so silly. the boy friends are the characters. But he won't let me be in them because I'm filming them. Yeah. I think they're funny. It's so funny. You need to break up. You are too good for that guy. Anyway, I don't know.

I'm going to get out of your hair. Is anything you want? I'm 19. Oh, 19. That's old to tell. I try to kill her. Yeah, that's what I was going to ask her birthday so I can find out when she's 21. Because I feel like we can kill her once she's 21

Sure when do you once your birthday? It's a June 17th. Okay. I'll see you June 17th next June 17th Do straight-up rematch you and me I'm gonna fucking kill you two years. I'm gonna fucking we're gonna own you I love this step that's so hardcore. That's edgy as hell I'll bring your smart ass brother. Yeah bring bring your stupid boy friend. We'll see who the real jump boyfriend is your Millie jenslyn Dell official We also bid our hand. Don't bring jam. It's not a fair fight if you bring jam. My spit stinks like babies.

You mean it smells amazing, like the pee of our spit. So thick. Anyway, see you in your 21, so I can take your life. So, okay, before we go and kill each other, before we part way... We have two years. We have two years in the meantime. Two years. Who hired you to try to kill us? Oh, yeah. Um, I use some guy. He worked for an

organization called. Was he plastered? Was he drunk? He was some guy. He works for an organization called the dread horizon. Is that ring a bell? Yeah, he had this mask that like had three eyes on it. That monster killed my father. What the hell? Yes, brast, right? Huh. Looks like there's a lot of vengeance going around here. Yes.

Well, you better not die taking him on because we've got a date in two years. Okay. See that. Wait, you have a date with the person we're going to kill her. Stop making date with him. No, she said like a funny thing. She said like a funny thing. She said like a funny No, she said like a funny thing. She said, I mean my 60s. I was 45. Gross. What did you think, I mean? She's saying, she said, date, I thought it was funny. I was going to bring it up. It's important to me that I look up to you. Okay. I hold you very high on me. Okay. This is not me. Let's take a

beat. No, no part of me. It's just not the time. I just not just do young. This is not what I wanted. Okay. The longer I'm here, the more I realize how much y'all sucks. I'm just gonna go. Yes, absolutely Get out of here. Bye. Peace out fuckers. Bye Now it comes back. Okay. I came to terms with it. I think if you like who you want to like She said I thought it was like one of those things where you say something flirt like cat woman in One of those things where you say something flirt like cat woman in Batman and I was like, Batman, Batman, are AJs and I was like,

no, that's not okay. That's why I didn't respond. I feel like you're putting on singles to get the signals to get. I did not put the signals out. It's just those she said. I felt weird about it. I didn't know how to respond. So I didn't respond.

And then you guys jumped in and you said that I had a date, which is how I was reading it and I thought it was weird. Oh hey, I just left my cell phone, you're still arguing, I'm just don't ignore me, I'm just getting that. Cool. Cool. Yes, go, get out of here.

Go fuck yourself. I stand in between just. I think in my years motherfuckers. Yes, that's fine. That's fucking cool. I'm in my 60s. You do. All right, so she flaps off into the, into the Gineracian day. I guess that's the best that that could have gone. Congratulations on not killing a teen.

So we are so fucked. So is there like a stone here that she was cursed by? Oh yeah. Yeah, we have a cursa jewel. She definitely left that cursa jewel on the ground. I think she wanted no part of it. You can take it if you want. Let's pick it up with like sure we don't. Like a little meat. Meat hooks. Sure. I have a satchel full of gloves. Oh yeah. I see you're just one of the gloves. It's so good. Yes, put her in the glove.

So you do that. You get a little from your coins, and it's a blavin' just checking in. So that seems pretty dicey. Are you all doing okay? Yes, we're doing great. Should we respond? Should we not respond? Yeah, we can just tell him to be fine.

Should we think I'm sweat? Okay. Okay, I just reiterating, I forgot to take the fourth crystal off you, so like, I'd be in kind of hot water if you, we're cool. Don't worry about it Newcoin. Hey, we're good for it. All right, anyway, I'm attacked by a dragon Somebody was hired to kill us. So who's hired to kill you? I dread horizon. Yeah, if you want to send one of your teams The ones that hired somebody to kill us we We try to keep our distance from them.

They're pretty nefarious folks. Yeah, well cool. Well, you put us right in line. Distance not kept. Yeah. So that's a failure. That's a failed role. Got your name.

Names signed in Triplacid on this contract saying that your life is forfeit, and you'll do anything for a little gold, just even a little bit. It says that in the writing. Oh, good. So who said writing? Does it say that in?

All of yours. Great. Triplicate, I said. So maybe if you could just get that crystal, then we can talk about this later. And maybe I can convince the benefactor to bump up your salary a bit. Dad.

Yeah, that sounds great. Honestly, I always care about his money. We lost a lot of money. Absolutely. Got it. Got it. Keep on that grind, does it work? Is Norwalk there?

Yes, he's actually fine. Oh, good. Yes. Great work. Norwalk, hang in there, bud. Yes, go Retrieval Team 21. The rest of them are dead. Oh, yeah, I'm still filling out the paperwork for that one

Anyway, why don't you all get back to the mission and we can have a big debriefing when you return can't wait Money money money I Use my mage hand to hold all the speaking stones away from us. Okay, and say I was just pretending to care so much about money Yeah, we know we know okay I don't care about it. I would be rent free Flavin Hanks up his calling coin and it's like that went really well They really like me

In the meantime though, this is again the coins are away with my chin We might want to reach out to Mercurio to Find out if he has an idea of how we can save our lives from this contract that we signed. So, uh, oh yeah, just to clarify, that wasn't like a contract saying that you would die if you broke the contract. Okay. It's just like you are going to have to risk your life to get these crystals. That's what you said you would do. It's basically a liability sort of thing. Okay. Freeing them from life. Okay. Great. Cool. Do you want to investigate this area? Yeah. See if you can find that crystal. Yeah. Let's walk around and see if we... So,

do we think that the crystals like in this room are there more caverns. Basically, and you can easily observe this. Yeah. As I mentioned before, there's a big mountain with four kind of smaller mountains placed all around it. Okay. But three of those have been destroyed. So you are basically in the entrance hall of the mountain, and then there's like one bigger mountain kind of separated from you.

No, yeah. Do you have any kind of like tracking that you could sense the crystal or something like that? Ooh. So on a basic perception without even rolling, you see a big ornate door on the other side of the cavern. There's basically like the entrance and then this big kind of entryway, a chandelier. The chandelier kind of indicates

that maybe this was inhabited or furnished at one point, but it's been kind of ransacked. Okay. Okay. But then you do see a door with three vertically arranged faces on it. Huh. Okay. Who are the faces? Do you want to walk up to the door and find out? Yes. Okay. So you just stick my finger up every nostril. Great. You do that and scarab come out. Oh, oh! Let's see how many scarabs. Oh no, nine scarabs, but they skitter away. Fuck you, fuck you. Oh wow. Only two fuck yous out of nine. How's that?

The other one's very good. So I'm like, Civilized scarabs. So you approach the door and you notice that it doesn't have any locks or handles. All you see are three stone faces arranged vertically down the center. On top is Nalar, tinkerer of time and tides. In the middle is Leant, brigadier of battles and blaze. And at the bottom is Nadas, sage of skies and starlight.

All three of their mouths are open wide. I take a butter finger baby and I put it in every single mouth. The mouths... I've never been so jealous. Especially. The mouths all slide up. Except the offering, then their eyes turn red and they slide back down and spit them out. Okay.

So we have to give something to these. They need more Butterfinger babies. They require more. They require more. They require more. I am scraping the bottom of the barrel of my stock. This is terrible. This silo of butter finger BBs I've been carrying around. I wish the dragon had killed us. Who is the God of time again? Nalar. Okay, I would like to press my dagger up to Nalar's mouth. Ooh, my time dagger. You press the dagger into Nalar's mouth. It chumps it down. Chumps off the blade. Oh, no. But then underneath Nalar's cog shaped spectacles, his eyes begin to glow with an aquamarine light.

Ooh, okay. Well, I hope that was worth it. I would like to, I would like to rummage. Oh, no, no, no, I would like to take my moon wine and pour it into the mouth of Nadas is that the one who's the guy? The sage of skies and starlight. Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

You pour the wine into Nadasa's mouth. It closes up. The eyes come alive and glow in a tranquil violet tone. It's an eye-wishest beyond. The battle one. Yeah. Lyon, it's a brigadier of battles and blaze. Blaze, anybody get any fire?

I mean, we could just stick a torch in there. Yeah, yellow are all adventurers. Yeah. Niaque, would you like to do the honors? We all figured one out. Yes. We all did, and I figured this one out. Yup, and I sit down on the ground with my legs crossed,

and I try to spark a fire for 15 full minutes. Can I actually? I'm gonna take a fire for 15 full minutes. I gotta take a short rest while he does. Can I take the moment to look at Keith's to Instagram? Oh, absolutely. Yeah, do it up. Just see what he's up to. I think that it's been a little time,

obviously, since your adventure in the club, I think at this point, Keith's probably like, Keith, I think probably keeps pretty active. I think he's probably going on like on a hike in the club. I think at this point Keith's probably like, Keith I think probably keeps pretty active. I think he's probably going on a hike with the boys. Still with the boys. Still with the boys. Should we roll like a luck check to see if he went with some hot gnomes?

Oh shit. Okay, I just roll D20. What would luck be? Yeah, just roll D20. I got a six. What does that mean? Six. There's a girl in the picture and you can't tell if it's a sister or not.

Is she tagged? Untags. I'll zoom in and look. I double tap to zoom. Oh! Oh! Oh, no! I'm like, do you guys keep doing this? Oh No I like to do it You liked it picture of keys with this new girlfriend

You can't keep doing this to me now I'm so sorry I need to I unfollow him Oh no! I unfollow him You unfollow him. Oh, no, I am following. Oh God. Okay. You fun fall you unfollow Keith? No, I could never okay. I just unlike it and I hope he does not see again. This is a phone free weekend Like I roll a stealth roll If you unlike it fast enough

I got 20 oh, don't know. Yeah, he doesn yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, It's a mother. It's lit. Very good, you... Brother. You did a basic thing. Put it in the things mouth. You're just holding it in your hands. It's pretty different. Yes, what did you... Ah! Ah! I put it in its mouth. I could have lit it for you. Why didn't you say that when I was on the floor?

Jenner Bington. That's a really similar. I wanted to see if you could do a big tut. Ah! All right. As the final pair of eyes, a light, you hear ancient gears grinding and straining. Suddenly one by one, the carvings right eyes, all turn gold, then the door opens slowly inward.

Do you want to walk into the main chamber? I have dark vision, so I would like to see as far as I can, do like a little perception. Yeah, go ahead and roll a perception. Do you guys think we should be still think? That's what I'm hoping to see as far as I can do a little perception. Yeah, go ahead and roll a perception. Do you guys think we should be still think? That's what I'm hoping to find out. Yeah. I got the 17.

With the 17, you can tell that there's nobody in here, it's abandoned. OK, I think we are fun. OK, so you walk into the chamber? OK, so as you walk in, you see the walls bear beautiful carvings, telling tales of the gods and their mighty exploits. In the center of the floor you see scraps of metal and bits of glass scattered around a large hole you suspect was once a lava well.

In each corner of the room, eerily well-preserved statues of Trinavalean heroes stand guard next to three huge archways, each of which seems to have caved in. Above you is an incredibly high arched dome ceiling. Light pours in through the hole in the roof that once served as this volcanic crater's main vent. And through this vent, light shines in in a pale angled shaft onto a large solitary statue standing near the lava wall. Okay, if this is some kind of like the light needs to be at a certain part for it to open, I think I'm just going to use my light cantrip and try and like shine it on the statues from different angles. Okay, that sounds like a fun dance.

And I'm dancing while I do it. Do you need me to beatbox? Yes, please. Don't dance. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Oh, this is trancey. So you're flashing a light on the statue? Yeah, just, yeah.

OK, as you do that, a sparkle reflects on the statue. Investigate the sparkle. OK, so you get closer. And you see that this is actually a statue of the blazing Empress herself, Leon the Conqueror. Lush curls of carved hair splashed under a set of meticulously rendered armor, and an angry but determined scale rest upon her face.

In her left hand, she clinches an impossibly wide broadsword, and in her right, glowing with an unsettling black aura, is the fifth and final Ginnaraak crystal. Oh. Should we Indian a Jones? Let's see. I get a crystal size rock ready to swap. Very, very fast.

Yes. A butt finger BB. I trust. We're about to really chunky butter finger BBs. I have an idea. It's like two fused together. I hate to waste it on a butt finger crystal. All right.

Let's take a bunch of butter finger BBs and make a big giant BB. And's take a bunch of Butterfinger Bebe's and make a big giant bebe. And then I think, what if we... It needs to waste the butterfinger. At this point, we are going to have to work with Mercurio just so I can get more Butterfinger Bebe's. Why don't we just talk?

Because I probably couldn't need another one for a few days. That's true. You people are so weird. Why don't we tie a rope around Nyaxe ankle, and if shit really goes bad, we'll pull him away. Yeah, that's funny. Seems like such an extreme plan, but I'm really doing it. I've already tied the rope around my ankle.

Yeah, anything from my brother. So I'm gonna stand 50 feet away and hang out with the rope. I will stand with Jens. My life hanging by a rope feels familiar. Okay, and I just give a thumbs up. And you've got the amalgamated butter finger babies. You have the sixth Ginnarac crystal, the Ginnarac chocolate.

I come millimeters from just eating the butter finger baby, but I resist. Don't. Don't. It must look like the worst toblurone. Mm. So, a bunch of buttery. So, are're gonna try and pluck the crystal out and replace it? Yes.

Okay. As you remove the crystal, the stone facade covering Leont retracts like a snapped rubber band, leaving only one gargantuan stone arm,, which clinches firmly. The rest of Leon, now once again comprised of divine flesh and blood, begins to scream. Oh. Nidas! Nidas, how could you? Leon looks around.

Her crimson eyes taking in the room. Her expression shifts quickly from confusion to anger, and then she looks at you. Who are you? What are you doing here? We came here to save you to save me Puppets of Nados more of their play things, huh? Well, answer me We don't know who we're working for to be completely honest. We're in a little bit over our heads

Where is Nados where is no are? Oh? We're in a little bit over our heads. Where is Nadas? Where is Nalar? Oh God did they actually go through with it? Where are they? What do you think they went through with? Answer me! I go to my knee and... I better do the... I better do the better finger. She slaps the butter finger out of your hand. No! How dare you? Everyone calm down A month of boo Let me roll initiative I don't have to answer your questions. I am the god of war. You will answer me. You were a statue 30 seconds ago What that doesn't make any sense. We've freed you from the start. You were stuck here

Suddenly as you're talking to her and trying to make sense, Blavin pipes up on the coin Suddenly as you're talking to her and trying to make sense, uh, Blavin pipes up on the coin. Um, I'm getting a massive spike. I don't know what's going on there, but you should probably go right now. Touch the crystal to the coin. I'm not joking. Okay, I think we do it. As you are listening to her, she's like, who are you talking to?

Who is that? I knew it. I knew you're working with a dust. She lifts her sword. Uh, but I stick. Tuck her roll and grab the butter figure, BB, and then I... Yeah, I touch the crystal and get it by the way. Okay, so you're all touching the crystal. You're gonna touch the crystal to the coin? Yes. Is Norwalk with you? Yes. We... Norwalk, my friend. Get the hell over here.

Oh, there it is, that lady! You can take her Norwalk. Let's get the fuck out of you! I don't know why you need to blab in the fuck out of you. We'll get the fuck out of you. I don't know why you need to blab and convince you of that. He grabs onto your shoulder, you touch the crystal to the coin, and you're covered in blinding light. The last thing you see is her slashing down. Wush, but you blink out of existence at the last second.

As your senses return and the colors of the world bleed back into view, you look around and realize that you're standing at the edge of the long boardwalk, leading to the benefactor's Worfside manner. High above in the lighthouse spire that crowns the mansion, you see a huge emerald flame flickering in the wind, but you can't tell if it's there to welcome or warn. Blavin, who is also standing next to you,

clears his throat. Well, it's been quite a ride, but you finally did it, gang. All five crystals. Woohoo! What are you doing, you little turd? And I just grabbed him by the collar. Can I secretly take out that coin we have to call Mercurio?

And I want to secretly text them like an SOS. Okay, all right, so you do that. Blavans, where are you talking about? What is your deal? Why are you sending us to admissions where there are gods that we're stealing crystals from? What does the benefactor want with these crystals? And that's where we'll end our session.

Oh, yeah! That's how you do it! That's cool! That was a real cool voice! 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1, 1 %, 1 %, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, I was really happy to see you. I Was worried I was like wait shit. I don't have that written yet. Oh, yeah, I'll just end the session It'll be cool. Oh, I thought you did that on purpose. Well, I had like one more line left But for the short rest. Yeah, yeah, oh boy. Um Yeah, y'all this is fun. I'm sorry. I almost killed you with a dragon. Oh boy That's part of the fun dude. I like Pushed us to our limits. There you go. I had to use healing hands

This is like when your uncle helps you get ready for the big game. Yeah When your uncle just like punches you real hard One day kid my uncle nut tapped me when I was 15. And maybe the man I am today. This is your donkel given you a quick nut tap to strengthen you up for whatever lies ahead in the benefactors mansion. Thank you all for being my beautiful little nephews and nieces. Of course.

Thank you to Daniel Ramos for doing the sound mixing and thank you to Henry Alexander for giving me a D&D Beyond subscription. You are making this world possible. And thank you to all of you for listening. Thanks. This has been your ducal called well and you can each get an extra scoop of ice cream. You're way better than our parents. I thought you were gonna say each shit. Which would also be a cool uncle.

Everybody eat shit, but an extra Scoop of it. You can just you don't tell your parents a cussed. Yeah, the best mom's brother It is time to thank our benevolent Council of Elders. Thank you to Brad D, the only pebble pot that isn't Craven. They fear one thing, though, seeing their cowardly family at Thanksgiving. J. Loma-72, aka Steelbreaker, Hard One's Jim's Ration, started a high-intensity workout last year and has literally not rested yet. Dylan B, a sword-wielding wizard surrounded by a floating army of blades at all times.

They try to take a selfie, and they chop their speaking stone in half. It's brutal. Danny P. Bahumiya's resident artist, painted hard one senior portrait at the Dwarf Village. Hard one likes to imagine it is framed in the stone hallways of his former homes. But last, it is not. Tom P, father of the realm, serenader of sleeping babies, Tom is an expert daddy-napper who can get a long rest. Rum a short one. Spencer, Cascbrue, patron elder of libations,

ale maker to gods and heroes of Bahumia alike, created a dangerous mix of crick water and arcane that moonshine and hard one can definitely not ever find out about. Okay, don't tell him. Griffin, SD, aka the stranger, the silver-born dragon, eldritch knight, and ex-owner of the Badgers' point in, though they are currently hosting some casual pay-what-you-want supper clubs, and they're thinking about getting back in the bids. Very cool. The longest beard in all of Bohumia goes to Be beard man Dan and entirely bald on the top of his head but he sweeps the beard up into a beehive hairdo so you'd never know it.

Scott D walks on their hands and fires a crossbow with their feet in battle. Very acrobatic has never shot anyone. Erm is W, the Bat King. Their arch nemesis is a gesture bard known as the jokester. Spartus, an orc body positivity model. You ghost bardis, deal yourself. Adam R. the R-rated assassin. They've earned this explicit rating because the last word of all of their victims is FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU Fuck! Cassandra, MHP, aka Cassandra, max HP, Cassandra is so dastardly, she also up-indexed Moon Giant's

Toilet. Not cool, not cool, the time for that is over. Hugh, C, aka Helldoor Frostback, MVP of the Giant Wars, Crude on the SS Stormborm, and Fought Alongside, Elias, and Red, was actually the one who suggested dropping hard one at the Dwarfnfenich that it was quote a pretty nice place. So thanks for that buddy. Daniel U aka multiple or the many-faced magician.

Daniel always rests easy knowing that one of their faces is keeping an eye out for intruders. Very smart. Jordan DJ, legendary DJ of the realm, created an emo mix that is essentially the dashboard confessional album, a mark omission, a brand to scar, plus a few box car racer tracks. And it rules, that's right, it's fucking bumps, slaps, and bangs. Jeffrey asks Lord of the Fjord, born of the sword, and resident of the Nord. Jeffrey is currently residing in the Northern District of Amsterdam. Awesome, love that spot.

Cutter W, a high elf dandy turned quick, bark-a-tect, currently designing a log flume for the moat outside of Clayton. Cool. John S. aka Shubbert the Mushroom. Shubbert actually planted some reports on the band of boobs, so now they're all constantly in touch whether they know it or not. Ryan M. Hardwan's Ram, who was not brutally murdered and was never abandoned by his owner, okay?

Cause it never happened, got that. Ryan writes Hardwan all the time to say how much they love being a free ram. Wow, that's pretty nice. Elena C. Adorven Maiden with a a beard even more lustrous than Gemma herself. Beautiful stuff. Andrew M, the tiniest gnome, their Tee-hees are so high pitched that they are unheard by the human ear. Michael, Mick D, head mixologist at the Blue Man of Inn, has a drink special where you roll a D20 to determine which liquor goes in your drink.

Just pray you never, you roll a D20 to determine which liquor goes in your drink. Just pray you never ever roll a one It's got to be that's got to be some well milk at that point Victor T Balnor's boy whose loving dad was ripped from his family and transported to another world Now who will he celebrate the descent of the Holy Ghost upon the Apostles? Which is that this year's festival of Fitzmurnglaug? No ghost upon the apostles which is at this year's festival of Fitzmurlach. No! Justin I, leader of a chosen biker gang called the Aalus Angels, they ride with their beaks open to catch all the yummy bugs zip and pass, yum yum yum, the poffesional, the only lawyer to successfully beat

pop-up and litigation, although to be fair the only reason they won is because Pop-O accidentally ate the evidence. Jacob C. a ranger who fights by chucking footballs at people. Their spirals are so tight that they can bore a hole through even the thickest of plate mail. Nice. Brady style. Elena M. a pixie farmer who is famous for their fresh organic non-GMO farm to table. Reese's Pieces.

Delicious. You really? Oh, you can only eat one. Mick Pux, the amazing code master who programmed our website like Neo from the Matrix, except he already knew Kung Fu. Bad ass. Earl and Kathleen L run a delightful bed in breakfast in Moonstone currently trying to evict Scout Master Denny. He's too scared to pay rent I imagine.

jib g and extremely posh glade home praying mantis. jib's pitchers have never been used for anything other than opening shem pag ne. jostrich the jok ostrich start of every sport at their high school except for volleyball from which they were banned for repeatedly puncturing the ball and also pecking out the referee's eyes. Talk about me and blind is a bat, ref. I did blind you though, I'm sorry. PJW, Charo Arcadia, a tiefling warlock whose tail has a mind of its own if you're on a

flight with Charo, best watch out because that tail is crazy for pop corners. Damial R. Ram Daniels evil twin. best watch out because that tail is crazy for pop corners. Okay? Damn you r. Ram Daniels evil twin. Wow. Sold out all the other ramps to the nobles and now lives like a king in Bastion's old cave. You just made the boobs hitless. Damn you. Damn. Nicholas r aka St. Crickolas every years every year. Youngins put a plate of milk and cookies for st. Crick, which they sell to a traveling known for a huge pile of old crawdads. Yum yum.

Get that brown stuff. Jennifer V has a V that's even more vicious than Cobbs, also has a real cool belly button piercing. Really just showin' all Cobb up in all regards. Nice work, Jennifer. Destin C is Destin for the C. Destin recently hijacked a giant sea turtle from a harbor in free-spire and is about to go party with the Mermaid's moonshine left behind. Hurrah.

Devin B. The Bodega Lord, can summon lottery tickets at will and has a 1 in 292,202,338% chance of instantly gaining $40 million gold. I like those odds. Michael L. A multi-planer travel agent, Michael's third eye, scrolls, kayak, and expedia all day trying to find the best prices on trips to outer realms so that you don't have to. Sam H. Alonis's dealer. Sam hooks her up with mystical drugs that are so potent that they would cause a normal human to grow so mellow they'd become permanently fused to the couch. So be careful. Don't smoke too much of that shit. Kelvin noodles, apostate elemental. When Kelvin is in their

garden of olives they gain the infinite breadstick layer action. Now that is a guy I want to hang with. Christian H. Sergeo Salazar Solomon Sakarayas Desuwaseen, the seventh of his name, a sexy Peruvian snake folk with sweet snake patterns on his skin, currently on a mission to avenge their father who was turned into a purse. Dratz! Fuck those people! Trailhead the cray-fayfish who lives by the bay! Moonstone bay, you say?

Nay, another bay. That is far away. Okay, Erin G. Master of the banishment spell. If Erin's food order is wrong, they just banished the ingredients they didn't want. Didn't like tomatoes? Banished, very cool.

Unless it's capers though. God help you if you put capers on Erin's food, you'll be banished for sure. Dude, Aaron, you can banish them into my mouth because I love capers. Okay, Jory S. A Jack Twister uses most of their spell slots on the produce food and water spells so they can Carbo load after massive shred sashes. Cool. Alucardd, a reverse Dracula. Alucard K19, actually grew inward and had to be removed when they were a kid.

Fun fact, the dentists who did the operation, a straight-up werewolf, spooky. That would be a scary waiting room. You can't even imagine. Baby Doc, the only doctor to ever perform their own C-section, also the only doctor in Bohemia who won't cast Revivify for religious reasons. Wow, complicated. Adam H. A Grey Knight who is also taking the oath of vengeance, Adam is pissed at someone for not returning a book they bar out

and their lust for justice will be sated. Go get him, Tiger. Colin G. Hard one's creative writing teacher at the dwarf in it. Hard one couldn't write or read, but he did actually dictate some amazing off-guard fan thick to one of the smarter dwarfs. That's that is canon, that's true. Ryan, hard ones ram or what's left of him at least, which based in the Nolan camp that

we just found is a pelt, some horns, his testicles grounded to no bone or... You're thinking of another ram, whoever wrote no bone or your thinking of another ram. Whoever wrote this, your thinking of another ram. Ryan's fine, Ryan's thriving, Ryan is living their best life. Big buck, pregnant elk moonshine's elk and baby. Big buck is the only elk that can misty step and will hell yeah, they're doing it nonstop. A fucking elk misty stepping can you imagine. Richard F. a femurion that was reincarnated as a gnome

and upon seeing their diminutive new form walked into the ocean. Goddamn, that's poetic. John W.G. introduced the Crick too, the raw food movement. To be fair, the Cricks already ate mostly raw, but John W.G. was so annoying about it. It's just like a better lifestyle he kept on saying

and how much they just feel better when they eat raw. Now the quick, the quick are just straight up cooking their food, just a sort of a rebuke to John W.G.'s annoying ways. Sorry about that but Troy McCee, a bard who performs under the name TMC and wrote the beloved Bahumi in pop single. Don't go chasing and a fries. That's cool. That's very cool. That's catchy. Okay. Cannibalistic Cthulhu.

No one knows it. But before Cannibalistic Cthulhu was Cannibalistic Cthulhu, they optioned Cannibalistic Kraken, which is when they found out that they love tentacles, but hate swimming. Cool, I got it. Sam L, a fighter who believes the most important muscle in the body is the heart and trains by watching reruns of Friday night lights, or Friday night lights, as I call it. Dumb R, the hairdresser in Hill home where Beverly's vacation house is frequently seized Nana Kainleaf to cut all the

worthers originals she gets stuck in her hair. She is ferocious with those things. Josh S. the revived cyborg version of Josh the cold-bulled, more fearsome and dangerous than the original Josh unless he is downloading a patch or software update, in which case you can pretty much just kill him outright. So so much to do that. Let's bring Demetri, owner of Dwarggar's Big Borgar, currently facing a lot of pressure from the alas

eat fit Mahumiya program to list calorie counts on their menu. Resist, you'll ruin the Borgar. Caleb Storm, Cupbearer in Cords, great haul. Also, bearer of Cords, Veggie T. You better believe Cords only trust Caleb with his Zoodles. Okay, I didn't know what a VEGETY was, but nice. He has a Zoodler, I guess.

Andrew A. the new mayor of the Cric, struggling with the first article in the Cric Constitution, or the Cric Stitution, which explicitly states there is no Constitution, or Cric Stitution. But maybe there will be now that I've come up with that incredible pun. Nicholas C has starred in every single movie ever made in Bahumia, currently filming their first Trinavale flick. How to train? You're blabbing. Huh?

I love it! How to train you're blabbing! That's some good shit. Matt L. Onyx, Lumiere's Crystal Tumbler, who takes all her rough shards and turns them into smooth stones that are probably possessed by an evil Christic demon. So watch out for that one. Mike H. Achozen-Kow, who is starting to wonder if their ambition and determination is the real reason they got recruited. I hate to break it to you, but I don't think it's entirely. You know what I have to go. Kevin S builds bottle motorcycles. Sure they eventually turn into regular size motorcycles, but what you don't see is that Kevin S has to build them miniature size, okay?

Matthew E, Keychains' previous owner who had no clue that there was a magical robot inside the keychain. They just used it to hold the keys to their shed. Wow, what a misuse of that amazing trinket. Samuel B, a drunken master monk who exclusively derives their power from Lumière Vignette wine. Delicious. Be money, a giant bumblebee rapper. Currently has rap peep with their West Coast counterpart, wasp dollar.

Till for G, author of the hit children's book, Ulfgar goes punch and the sequel, Ulfgar goes to therapy. Currently working on a prequel book Ulfgar goes punch and the sequel Ulfgar goes to therapy. Currently working on a prequel called Ulfgar was raised in a culture of toxic masculinity. Wow, this is a three part series. I need to read. There is a, there's such an arc. Guardian of the light, Zach H. Bohumi is only Keyblade wielder, Zach's only friends are

an awakened mouse named Ricky and a bipedal dog named Woofie. Mitch D and enlightened drunken master water genassy named Doc Alpha. Doc doesn't just huck Crickwater, Doc chugs it. And you know what? He is Crickwater. How's that? Curtis S. A short skinny human who was hard ones bunk made at the dwarf finish hard one always considered himself the only human because he took Curtis for a known.

Colton be a mouse-vogue paladin who rides a war-gainny pig in full plate mail. Now that is fucking adorable and a little scary. Jen's Christian T, the owner of Jen's Lindell.com, much to the chagrin of genslin del who has written several complaints to go daddy. Really what you gotta shed that genslin del dot org, you know, url, but it's just really not working. No one wants to see a dot org or a dot net for that matter. Gage M a creek elp who drives a hybrid, a bullywug horse mix, if you will.

That's what it's a hybrid of. If you guys were wondering. Montana Monarch. Straight up the governor of Montana, a beautiful but underpopulated state in Bohemia. That's right. Montana exists in Bohemia. Melanie F. Tiavina Seragon and Asimar Paladin who drunkenly swore a blood oath but forgot what for. Oh right, it was to protect Bev's dad from the devil. Where?

Where is that guy? Crap. Yeah, you're too late. Rayleigh, PS, we'll to curse Swords so that it is slowly taking over their brain, but the Swords personality is honestly super charming. I guess it's kind of like kind of like Venom in that regard, but you know, venom kind of sucked. Our Erin C, sorry about that, Erin C, the first trinivalian to produce a butter finger in BB form. Now that is rich. You can only eat one of those as well as the Reese's pieces, just so you

guys know, one piece, all you need. Hannah F. winner of the benefactors hot tub hot dog eating contest six years running yum yum and rubber dab dab. Bradley E. a demigod who has the same power as the watchman but just stays at home and watches everyone like one big TV show. I think that's kind of the way to do it because the other way might get you down killed about that, you know what I mean? Dev and T. a Crick elf who nearly suffocated in the timeout bag leading to to a mandated breathing holes. Probably suffocated though, more from the neck-in, but whatever. L&D, Jens Lindell, Scoreographer, though he'll never admit he has one, too proud, but L&D, they know how to dance.

Carbrow, Chapel Hill FPV, a warrior who could have joined the band of boobs in Moonstone but decided not to go out to the tavern that night. I am so sorry we missed you. We could use all the help that we can get right about now. Chad A, another dwarves angel who is making a play for Gemma. Look out hard, one. Okay, all right, just... She can do whatever she wants, okay? And so can I. And I'm benefiting from that

rule as well. Who is this guy though? Fuck. Reese, NS, one of the rare trinavalians with enough constitution to eat not one, but two BBs for dinner. I cannot even, I don't even know if I'm envious because I can't even fucking fathom it. TJM and Alchemist who makes delicious drinks instead of potions, so a bartender. They are a bartender. Got it. RPKB, Keychains mean older cousin who used to spritz him with a squirt gun just to sizzle his circuits.

What sizzling my circuits, Harpy KB? Christ! Taylor, as aka Trast, the traveler rise a giant snail mount has not gotten far in their adventure, but slow and steady does win the race. Anime intellect, a magic book, protected by Bahumi and monks that will instantly teach you to the plot to every anime. Keep that book away from me. Zolo dollo, the kid cutie of Trinneville aka Miss the Zolo dollo. Dylan C. M. Bergette D. M. Dylan is a C. M. A cream master. Ew, you don't need to be a master of that. Wicken, Emory, a witch who brought Josh back to life in the Moonstone swamp. Then killed him again, so thank you for that. Wicken Emory, a witch who brought Josh back to life in the Moonstone swamp, then

killed him again. So thank you for that. When he started to talk about his workout routine. Joshua C. Rachel's boyfriend in the Trinavillion program, Friends. I love that show. We all do. All of us roommates. You guys, thank you so much. We'll be back tonight. That was a hit down podcast. do. All of us roommates. You guys, thank you so much. We'll be back.