Not Another D&D Podcast - Trinyvale - Ep. 7: Mansion Mayhem

Episode Date: May 18, 2020

With the final two crystals in hand, the heroes of Retrieval Team 22 head in to the Benefactor’s Manor to seek an unknown fortune. Jens gets some answers, Onyx taunts a stranger, and Nyack slips into something new as the Benefactor’s plans are finally unveiled!Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music CreditsSound Design by Daniel Ramos (www.TheDanielRamos.com and @Dr.Schubird on IG)"Trinyvale Intro and Outro" by Emily Axford"Blavin Blandfoot's Bellowing Blunders" by Jens Christian Tvilum"Dance of the Knives" by Jens Christian TvilumSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Trinavale! That was an especially good move. A world of shimmering seaside spires, sorrowful, smoldering city-states, and three cool cats that are about to get god damn paid money money money love I don't know what I'll do with that money it is a true adventurers paradise today's story begins outside the benefactors'

Worfside manner a green flame flickers in the copper lighthouse above and stiff salty air caresses your faces as Blaven squirms in gins surprisingly strong grass. He turns to you and says, listen, we don't have much time. If you want to know what's really going on, put me down and follow me. It seems Blaven is ready to spill the literal and metaphorical beans. Can our heroes finally unravel the truth about the benefactor, or will they suffocate in a self-made sweater of despair? Only time will tell. And so, without further ado, let's rejoin Retrieval Team 22 and begin Chapter 7 of the Trinneville

Adventure. Wow, I don't know about y'all, but the self-made sweater sounds good. Yeah. I'm down to die. Should we just see that instead? Are everybody roll, I guess, survival? I thought I'd be rolling like crafting for knitting. That's a stat that I've just introduced. We're taking a big pivot on this episode.

I have plus 14 to knitting. Hello, friends. And welcome back to the table. Well, can I use crochet instead of knitting? I've prepared an entire suite of crafting skills. I am, of course, your dungeon master, AKA, dunkel called Waltanner, joined by who wants to introduce themselves first?

Me. Jens Lindell, Blavin' Buster, and lover of gustor. the band. That's right. Like that folk music. Just one more thing that we have in common. We have nothing in common. He's in that the band where the guy plays with his hands the drums. Of course. Yeah, they don't play the drums. Wow. They don't have a drummer. They have a bongoist. So pro-mode. Play your regular drum kit.

Who's next? Oh, Onyx Lumiere Butterfinger Baby Oh, no Nice Yep Mhmm The new spokesperson

Niac of the- oh, oh, oh, Renifold. Oh, oh, there's jam on the floor here. You're all my beautiful sweet little messes. I'm so proud of you. Would you say that life for Niaq is like walking on the slippery part of the bowling alley at all times? At all times, yeah. Cool. Just wearing socks in a bowling alley.

All right, y'all, I know you're ready to start milking the truth juice out of old Blavin. But first, how about a quick recap? Is it? Okay. Before we get juicy. Last time we met, you three had crossed the treacherous terrain of Genorac and found your way into the dormant volcano stronghold known as Draxpond Mountain.

It was here you met Tukuru, the teen aged goth daughter of Band-of. Sworn to avenge her mother, she used a cursed jewel to transform into a massive silver vape worm and challenged you to battle. Making clever, slightly sadistic use of her disguise self-ability, Onyx managed to turn this battle into an impromptu therapy session. So much guilt. Oh, that's a nice way to put it therapy session. Not bullying. Yeah, all gross. Tariot down to build it up. This tactic, along with the help of your new gorilla friend Norwalk and a surprisingly potent pep talk from Keychain, helped you to defeat the dragon spirit known as Grumbolo Grimbus and free Tukuru

from his bad influence. After setting a date for a mutual murder pact, two years from now, Tukuru revealed that she and her Zard Chargers had been hired by none other than Jin's rival Rast, to kill you all and find the crystal hidden within this mountain. You three then opened the God's door and entered the main chamber, where you encountered the statue of Leont that seemed to be protecting the 5th crystal. However, when Nyak removed the crystal while attempting an Indiana Jones Butterfinger Beebe's swap.

The statue came to life and you found yourself face to face with the god of war herself. You tried to get some information out of her, but she seemed much more interested in slicing you all in half. Right as she began to raise her sword, blav in contact with you over the calling coin and shouted at you to teleport away. And so you touched the crystal to the coin and were instantly transported back to Vainelar. And that is where we are now.

So, Jens, you are holding Blav in a loft and he reiterates, please, I'll tell you all I can't, just put me down before I pu God are you drunk is that why? I'm I've inner ear problems. I shouldn't even drink at all. I keep I keep shaking him I turn to Naya can I say I need a ribbon from the ribbon bag Naya? I've d ribbon from the ribbon bag night. I dive into my ribbon bag. I tie a ribbon as part of my dance.

There's a whole bunch of gloves on the ground. I've gotten to the ribbons. Yeah. I'd like to make kind of... I borrowed a bunch and braided my hair with them, so I guiltily take one out and hand it over. I'd like to make a leash for Blavin. That's great.

Okay. You leash, Blavin. That's great. Okay, you leash Blavin up. So he pulls out his calling coin very slowly. He's like, I'm just going to let him know that we're going to be late. This is Blavin Blanfoot. Team 22 has returned with the crystals, but they also recovered the lone surviving member of Team 21. And are insisting we take him to a healer before returning to the base. I will be back in communication shortly. He

nods at all of you to make sure that's okay. That was pretty quick. Yeah, honestly, I'm impressed that I did not know you were such a mastermind. You're so retarded. You know, I hang out with you enough. I forget like I learned a little bit. So, Blavin like I learn a little bit. So Blavin, now on a little leash, what color is this ribbon, by the way? It's baby pink. Oh, I love it. It looks like...

It looks like... Blavin looks like a little brat. Get over here. All right, so Blavin's leading you on the leash, but you're keeping him, I guess, maybe like he's healing. he's being very obedient. Blavyn, do you have like your own quarters on this estate or something, do you have like a wharf side, hut or something somewhere private?

I have, well, you know, again, as I've mentioned, I live with you, I had to sell my apartment. He has nothing, but I do. But we need somewhere to put our speaking stones into an ice box. Don't worry, I've got the perfect place So he leads you around the corner to a darkened alley and you see a woman sleeping on the ground with a glass jar next to them and A sign next to the jar reads the eyes of the trying are blind to our fate, but within your heart a golden secret stirs

Now give me a perception check. 17. 17. Very good. This jar is the same one Z hid your calling coin in during your first meeting back at Pop-O-Gumps, Jambolyah Jamberine. So Blavin makes his way over to the jar, pulls out his calling coin, and flips it into the jar as if he's tipping this woman on the ground. And he silently gestures for you all to do the same.

I started unloading a couple burners you guys didn't know I had. You are so shady. It's fine. You're deal-gurdle. What other lives do you lead? It's not about me right now. I think Lavin is the one on travel. Yeah, and I whispered to Lavin, is this person actually not that I care, but is this person

actually homeless or is this a secret agent? She winks at you. Okay. Cool. So homeless. So just making sure she doesn't need a home and need to come live with us. I mean, I'm technically homeless. I don't know if I'm in.

Yes, you're all homeless. Do you wanna? I throw my calling claim in her jar. Cool. Blavin is looking very stressed out. He turns to Keychain, who I believe is still out from the encounter. And so there's Keychain,

would you mind switching back to Flask mode? Keychain nods and transforms into a Flask. Blavin takes a huge swig Breathing deep and then starts pulling down his pants you have a problem What I full my pants down to why are we doing this? This is a trust ritual right Blavin you didn't need well, it is now so you know, it's up to you diggerler's choice but Onyx since you Participated I'll let you do this check give me a perception on what you see on 11's S

10 okay, you turn around it wasn't that hard to see on his ass is the sinners mark on his ass is the sinner's mark. But not the sinner's mark that you've seen flying from rast ship, the fancy modified version. Is it the one like in my parents house? Exactly. I spank him. Oh, but killed my parents. No, no, no, no, no. Okay.

Oh, man. No, I didn't kill your parents. I worked with your parents. You know my parents? I did. Back in the day. I've only met them once or twice, but... Okay, you know what? I'm just gonna come clean. We don't have a lot of time, so I need to get this out.

I'm not actually the benefactors assistant. I'm part of an organization called the Golden Iris. We're dedicated to keeping Trinavale safe from the very gods that made it. My mission has been to help the Benefactor gather the crystals and then steal them from him. It's our only shot at this. You see the Ginerac crystals are essentially portable power plants created by the gods. Each one contains a massive amount of divine magical energy. In his research, the benefactor learned that if the power of all five crystals was used

simultaneously, you could theoretically harness enough energy to kill a god. And that's exactly what he's trying to do. The benefactor is building a machine with the power to literally kill a god. Do you know if he is trying to target a specific god or all of them? I think all of them. But you know, it seems like Leon's the one that stirred first, so there's a good chance that might be a target. But listen, that's not even the worst part.

The benefactor uses those crystals. The resulting power surge would be strong enough to destroy all of Vaynerlar and potentially the entire continent of Agendale. He looks down and takes another swig. It began to rack all over again. May I ask you a question? Because I don't entirely understand the metaphysics by killing a God. Would he become a God?

Or... The gods, as far as we know, are just extremely powerful beings, but it's not sure where they got this power from, but at one point or another, they poured a lot of their power into these crystals so that Ginnaraq could become the mega power of a continent that it was. But when all those crystals were put together last time, it created this explosion that destroyed the continent and sunned it as you saw. I think I understand why you drink. Yes.

Would you like to join me? Well, you've spit up a decent amount into the flask, so maybe I'll abstain. Can I do an insight check on Blavin? Yeah. Just to see if I can tell if he's telling the truth here. Sweet. That is a 17.

You can tell from the amount of sweat pouring off his face that he's pretty on the level here. OK, only a drunk man could be this honest. A drunken sweaty man. Drunken words are sober thoughts. Who else is part of this? Oh, that's beautiful. I thought on a pillow once.

Wow. I would love to see that pillow. I keep it on the roof. All right, Greg. We don't need to talk about pillows. I saw the to see that pillow. I keep it on the roof. All right, okay. We don't even talk about pillows. I saw the hatilla once that I owned. Oh, yes, I've screamed in that pillow many times while trying to keep this secret from you all.

I tell you, I tell Blavyn's leash to bring him over to a private area. Who else works with you? I don't actually know everyone that's in the organization. A lot of the agents never meet or interact to ensure the safety of the group. I've already said too much. My leader doesn't want you in more involved than you already are. Blavin, I have more questions than I need answers. The God killer virus.

God's stall. The God stall virus. Who made that? Did the benefactor make that? No, we don't know who made that. It's something my colleagues have been researching. They've spent their lives trying to uncover what really happened on Ginnaraq, but it remains a mystery. All we know is that the power of these crystals

was used at the same time and that resulting surge decimated the continent. And we've dedicated our lives to making sure this never happens again. Having all the crystals here is our best shot at getting them out of a hands of powerful people with strange dreams and ideals, like the benefactor. My final question. Of course. What do you think of Mark Yerio? I don't know

how much we can trust him, but if you can help us get out of this mess, I think we need all the help we can get. You are not concerned that he has similar ideations to the benefactor. I don't think he's as powerful a threat as the benefactor. So if we can take advantage of his kindness for now, I think that's a good, a good shot. Thank you, Blavin. You've answered all my questions. I'm so sorry that I spanked you. Blavin's butt cheek is quivering. I should put these back up, huh? Please.

Are there any more questions I can answer for you? We have to hurry, but I want you to be prepared for what's ahead? Yes, so the the the benefactor is a powerful being in and of himself because I am away in a way in a way in a god of dance So perhaps yes, I Really? Perhaps we could do a dance off. I might be in danger My brother is right. he's direct threat. Help me find the remaining gloves.

A ribbon blew away. Done as alley. I assume this is something where this is not an option for us to go in and try to quietly take out the benefit to right now. Is it? Well, you don't have to go at all if you don't want to. You've done all I can ask you to do at this point. I may look small, but I'm capable of handling myself in there and I've been positioning myself

within the benefactors organization for years now so that I can at the right moment steal all these crystals away and get them to safety. But if you're willing to help, I won't turn it down. I'm a low functioning alcoholic. You need us. Yeah, you are low functioning. Give me an insight check. I got an 11. You got an 11?

Yeah. Okay, let me see what I can do. I got a six. Okay, but I got an eight. You two definitely just kind of like smell the booze coming off of Blavin, but Jens You see him flicking the flask around his fingers In a way that takes more coordination than a normal drunkard would be able to do Magic fingers or

Does he have some sort of spell where he can drink and act drunk but he's sober the whole time? Are you sober? This isn't real alcohol at all. Niantic takes a huge sign. No, no, no, he's very drunk. Oh, oh, oh, yeah, that's 300 proof. It is poison brother It's just alcohol you weener avenge me You're fine. We just add some alcohol

Craven's weapon I attack the flag We've all had We all had alcohol before Emaniac never more shall you poison friends of mine. I'm just crying. I should have warned him. It's very strong. Lavrent special juice. He's a functioning alcoholic. We thought he was low functioning. He's high functioning. He's still an alcoholic. Yes, I can take care of myself, but if you're willing to help, I can't say no because this is going to be Very difficult. Yes, and I hope you understand I will not be giving you the crystal If you want to bring the crystal I have stood away from myself to this mysterious leader of yours

You only need to bring me with it. I would be honored for you to accompany the crystal to make sure that it gets where it needs to go Okay, you are saying all the right things. It's just nice to get it all out in the open gang. Yes, leave the way and I tug his leash. Okay, well dynamic is a bit different. Before we go, keychain, he flips Keychain back into robot mode. I have something for you. So Blavyn reaches into his pocket and pulls out a strange pair of dentures.

They look like a cross between a bear trap and a hair dryer, and they glow with an arcane energy. He says, Keychain, open your mouth. Okay, I will do it extra wide for you, big guy. Oh. And he shoves these dentures into keychain's mouth and the spot where the arcane sockets were. And after a moment, keychain starts quivering and shaking

and starts glowing with this arcane energy. And then he breathes fire and does several karate chops and says, I am invincible. If you mess with my friends, I will murder you in cold blood. Blavin, honor me with a mouth guard as well. You are not a robot, not a robot. I have to agree with Jim's on this one. Yes.

Yes, listen to the little puppy. Fine, brother, honor me with a leash. Fine. Actually, I tire of me. I tire of me. I'll Actually, I'm tired of me tonight. I'll tie a teal piece of rhythm around my neck. I would love a battle ribbon too. Oh, nice. Yes, me as well.

My goodness, so many. All right. We're going to look like a maple showing us a battle. I'm going to have to get into my second ribbon bag. And Jen's cousin is a second ribbon bag. And I actually had a tear knowing that Jen's had a second ribbon bag. I wasn't in charge of it. It's just because I don't want you to have to hold all of the bags.

I have respect to you. We are half brothers. I understand. All right. You can hold all of my bags. I'm not way more back. That's a happy tear. So just to clarify, keychain is now permanently upgraded.

You won't need to use spell slots to summon him anyway. Yay! So I believe he's got like level six stats as a fighter now. Oh, good. Oh, cool. So, y'all head it back towards the pier. Yeah, great. I think we're just gonna kind of let Blavin lead the way.

Cool, so as you're walking, Blavin is still kind of trying to prep you for this mission. He fishes a small potion labeled ape hour energy out of his satchel and hands it to Norwalk. This should pep you back up, but oh, thanks, yeah, that feels great. And now you kind of see that Norwalk is feeling a little refreshed as well. And now you kind of see that Norwalk is feeling a little refreshed as well.

And if you would like, Norwalk seems interested in accompanying you on this mission too. Sure. I like Norwalk, yeah. Yeah, can I hang the guy? I'm so sorry, I'm sure that you want to return to your family, but one last mission? One last mission.

Hey, bring it in, guys. Bring it in, y'all. We're looking at my phone. It falls. No, it's cool. You could come. He squeezes you and your phone falls into the ocean. Oh, that's true. I collect all my burner phones from the cup. You are so shady. I will say just for clarification, no time is really aed since you made your last post. So we'll do all the Trinstagram stuff at the end of next episode. Yeah, yeah.

It's mission time now and we are ready to go. I wasn't even an issue. I was just collecting my burner phones. My Trinstagram isn't on my burner phones. Naturally important. Okay, oh, while we're doing a little housekeeping as we're walking down the pier, I do want to remind you all that you had a little time there to take a short rest. Sweet, so I would recommend that.

I used all my hit dice, but I'm back up to full. Great. But I got a very few spells. Yeah, unfortunately you have not had time for a long rest, so you're going to have to find some way to Get those spell slots back. I really aggressively complain about it to blabbing. All right, I guess passive aggressively Oh wow all these missions just not a lot of time for long rests, huh? Don't you still have that restable that you got in the club? Is that a thing we have?

Yeah, I remember you getting it you remember you won that gunkball challenge. At least one of us did. You know, I was pretty drunk at the time, but I'm pretty sure that somebody's got a rest ball that would maybe restore some slots. And Niac, check the bags. I have too many bags, brother. I told you you could handle this. You've ever burned over there. One of those just filled with receipts. I make a lot of returns, believe it or not. So we have a restful. Keep the packable records. Yes, just to remind you, you have a restful, which restores one spell slot at every level

of featuring. Oh, cool. Yeah. What's your status? I'm a warlock. So short rest gives me my spell slots. I only have two spell slots, but they're back baby. I am going to splash a little bit of Blavyn's booze into this and make a little uh, my tie and then I'm gonna drink it. I like your style, my guy. Thanks, I don't care.

That makes me like it more. So, we're looove, so cool. Alright, so you're continuing, it's a really long pier, by the way. You're walking, you see the lighthouse getting closer and closer, but as you walk... I'll do a quick fishing if it's a long period. Okay. You want to troll? Yeah.

Okay. All right. Do a survival role, I guess. Okay. Eleven. Eleven. You get some nibbles. Oh, okay.

Wow. Tees me. I feel like if you had kept fishing, if it was a different kind of day, you kept some freaking walkers. Alex, don't worry, I have all the food we'll ever need. I had her a single beef. No. No, I'm not out for that. I'm still splitting that one bag. I'll split it with you. I take one lick of the butter finger BB and then I say, I ate too much. We were not to eat for a week.

The only good thing about living with the two of you is that you eat none of the gross areas. I don't know how you live. We appetite. I think you're both cursed. I think this is objectively a sickness. Onyx, while you're fishing, you think you get another tug on the line, but it's actually two of your phones buzzing.

Your speaking stone gets a message from Keith that says simply, you back in town, question Mark? Oh, I mean, I calm my pants real quick. Can I see if I notice this? Yes. I only got a prescription. I got an eight. How much did you come? I guess roll for drippiness.

What would I add to drippiness? His dream. Constitution. My history with Keith. Constitution. Okay, I got 11. Wait, and you got it? What did you get? I got a nine.

Okay, well I think you beat the contest. So you keep it under wraps and you probably like tie a sweater around it. Yeah, and I think I also think, I think of all the fish that have been nibbling, but I have not caught. And I'm tantalizing that as bin and I wait to respond to Keith's message.

Oh, you were old to see if I slip in it. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Against my better judgment, yes. Wait to respond to Keith's message. Oh, you're not going to see if I slip in it? Against my better judgment, yes. Do you want to slip in it? I like 9 to 10, 7, 3, 2, 1. That's a 22. So nimble. Maybe it helps me walk better.

You get like a Tom Cruise thing like sliding across. Ritsky business. Yeah. I mean, I know you're excited. This is a big mission, but like keep it together. Sorry. I don't know what happened. I'm just scrolling through Niaxbone that turned around.

What are you two doing? Wait, what was my, didn't it another phone buzz too? You got a buzz on your calling coin from Mercurio responding to your SOS from before. They simply wrote, understood Z has been dispatched. I am in position for a tree volt winky face and they actually wrote out winky face. So.

Pathetic. Okay. Wow, okay. Do you all remember when I sent an SOS text to Mercurio? Yes. Irresponded. Okay. They're in position for retrieval. I assume that's probably our only way out of here.

Is that right, Blavin? Okay. Well, there is a escape pod in the basement of the building. I know that from studying the the blueprints, but it might be who of us to have multiple venues have escaped. So if you want to respond, let him know to stand by. That might be good. Yeah. Okay. I type stand by. Um, and then I do an actual winky face, hoping that he will understand that you look like a fucking fool. He responds, smiley face sunglasses. Jesus fucking Christ.

I can't work with it. All right, long, let's go get the escape. But I'm interested. So you arrive at a pair of imposing double doors. You notice the doors have no lock or handle, So you arrive at a pair of imposing double doors. You notice the doors have no lock or handle, just a small bronze slot in the dead center. Oh, you know what, I almost forgot.

Blavin fishes his whole puncher out and gives you each the final remaining punches on your curry cards. I look at, I place my curry card on something, expecting something to happen. I mean it glows a little bit. There's a slight glimmer. There's clearly something magical about this card. Amazing. Don't drop that. The wind is very strong today. Just keep a hold on it please. He also gives you each 450 gold that you were promised upon completion of the Ginterak job.

Woo! So yeah, don't think too much about the economy of Vainel R, but that's pretty good. You can pay your rent with that. You got a little spending money. We don't have any rent. You do. You have so much rent.

What can we do with this money? I send it all back to the, I send it all back to the vineyards, the moon vineyards. You just instantly, the moon vineyards. The moon vineyards. You just instantly, the moon vineyard. You trimmo them? Yeah. I find a cheque's cash store, and I wire them the money.

A dolphin appears with a little chequer reader. Ha ha ha. I deposit all the money into his blowhole. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. You get a text from, she had the car bon, this is like, oh, Zoothe-Lor, thank you. Of course, my brothers.

So then, Blavin, watching this dolphin jump away, thinks, okay, we're back to business. He gestures at the card reader on the large mansion door. Do you insert your cards? Yeah, all right. Sure. So they are all swallowed up, never to be returned, and then the door swings open.

But before you enter, Blavin gives you one last special gift. He fishes some little cards out of his pockets. He's got a lot of pockets. He's got like a very utilitarian robot. And you look at these cards and you see that they are gift cards to pop-up gumps, jambalaya jamboreen. I throw mine out. I scramble after it. That's for like 20 gold, man. I don't eat there. Come on, you know the marks are good. Mark's a lot of marks.

Mark's a lot of marks. I'll take his card. Get my card back. Anyway, you can do what he want with it. It's blown so far away. And that dies into the seat. He immediately is whipped back by his only son he made. Oh, he let the leash go.

Oh, you're tangled. Oh, he's like a turtle. I let the least go. Oh, you're tangled. Oh, he's like a turtle. He's like a turtle stuck in a litter. Brother, the dolphin ferries you back to the pier. Listen, I just wanted to say working with you has been a real treat. And whatever happens after today, I'll always treasure the time I got to spend with you all.

And I guess we do live together. So I will continue spending with you all. God damn it, Levin. Don't you let home. Don't inspect the card. Yeah. So you look down at it and you see a small cartoon possum giving a friendly wave. And for a split second, you could swear the possum is

winking at you. I wink at it. It winks back. My gift card is winking at me. Let me see. I throw my gift card at the top. You see that the gift card in the place where the price was written out, the words changed to say, oh, I was trying to be subtle about this, but this is a way for us to communicate in case something bad happens. Ah. Love, Blavin. The possum is feeding to me now.

Yeah, Blavin kind of looks at you like, you get it? Yeah, I get it. Okay, are you ready to go in? Yeah. Great. Let's do it. All right, you passed through a small receiving room guarded by two knights wearing bronze helmets and emerald green cloaks.

Their helmets bear a distinctive cog shaped centurion mohawk, blavin nods of the guards and they park their swords to let you enter. As you're walking through, would somebody want to give me a perception check? Sure. Cool.

You can help on that floor. 19. There we go. 17. 14 17 14 14 all good you know Oh, it's just the group of teenagers yeah, you'll just clock and looks left and right. Yeah, just scoping mugs So you've got a sitting is also with us. Oh, yeah Oh, no, maybe that's why I haven't been mentioning it. I've got to keep that under wraps while you're in here. It's such a cute video.

So as you pass these guards, you look at the one on the left and you see they have silver eyes and kind of blink boardly. And then the one on the right has golden eyes and you see they hold up a finger to their face in a shh gesture and wink at you and you look on their hand and there is a ring engraved with a single letter. Does anyone want to guess what that letter is? Z! Precisely. So this guard winks at you and returns to their neutral position as you pass into the central atrium. So as you enter you see sharp columns of sunlight spilling through a domed skylight ceiling.

Directly above you is a coiled tower that leads to the lighthouse you saw from the pier. In the center of the room is an enormous cube shaped globe of Trinavale, complete with two moons suspended on bronze rings. It's mounted on four crystal columns. Below the globe is a compass rose pointing towards each of the three wings of the mansion. A different colored eye points in each direction, and in each door you see two more night-stations. The eye at the entrance is painted in a gold that swirls patiently like the metal of a tempered sword.

As you take in the room, a person slowly rises from a spiral staircase directly to your right. Well done, team 22. You know, Blavin had his doubts, but I was confident you'd pull through. Thanks to your efforts, all five crystals have finally been assembled. The man finishes climbing the stairs and you finally get your first real look at the benefactor. He's wearing an aquamarine velvet bathrobe and holding an ornate golden cane whose pattern matches the delicately engraved golden artificial leg that pokes out from the bottom of his bathing suit.

I have the hot tubs and all derves all warmed up. But first, let us conclude our business. The last two crystals. Do you have them? Blavven do they have the crystals? Um, yes. Blavven kind of gives you a terse wink to let you know that this is okay. Yes, we have the crystals.

Oh, wonderful. Is there any dark shadowy corners? It's kind of a circular room. Okay. So no corners to speak of really. Okay. There is like a little staircase that the benefactor arose from. And then there's this kind of structure in the middle. It's basically a giant atlas. It's like a representation

of the planet with like four columns around it. And then again, the three doorways leading to the separate wings of the mansion. So you have the crystals. Yes, I'm sorry, I'm very impatient. I would just would love to see them. This is the culmination of so much work. Yes, we have the crystals. Yes, we love, you know what? I have a lot of bags. Nia, do you want to start going through the bags? Guys, what do we do? Looking for the crystals? I just wanted to see everything. No, it's gotta be in this bag. Let's just make a beeline for one of these doors and make them chase us. I have invisibility That's why I was looking for a dim shadow. I could become invisible. Would you like to all just become invisible?

Yes, but I'm sorry. They have a lot of bags. I'm sure the crystals are in there somewhere while we're whispering this It looks like we're just bickering over where the crystals are in the bag as if we lost them But really we're having this conversation. Ah, where? I can't, I cannot believe this. This, this, Chai- It's so disorganized.

Did we put the crystals in the receipt bag? Not in the receipt, the boa bag. Where's the boa bag? Brother, the boa, the boa's? This bag is just full of food that's expired. I can do, I have one fourth level spell. I could do invisibility have one fourth level spell.

I could do invisibility on all of us. If you guys want me to just do it all for all three of us. I'm done with that. I have has no idea what's happening and is genuinely trying to find the crystal to the spot. I have. It's whatever you want. If you want to give over the crystals you can,

but I'm having a, I think this, I'm feeling uncomfortable in this situation. Yeah, I like it. I just like that. No, I have no idea. Okay, here's what I'm going to do. I am going to try to do a slight of hand trick to make it look like you know how we use the coin

on the crystal to teleport. I want to make it look like I've accidentally made us teleport away. So I go, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh I'll let you give advantage to this light of hand roller. Is that sound good? Yeah. Cool. Okay.

Matt 20. And then as I drop the coin and my hand is touching it while touching these guys and hitting the crystal, I'm going to cast invisibility at a fourth level to turn us all invisible Okay, so you're all invisible. How many of you are invisible just the three of us just the three of you Okay, so I can't do a four so norwalk blaven and keychain Remain visible, but that's okay. All right, so you're invisible Can I invisibly touch keychain and turn them into a keychain again? Yes, that's do it do a Dex roll just do it like a raw Dex or a slight of hand if you want

eight Too thick I tried I think I think with an eight he turns into a flask And actually you know what I'm gonna do a roll Off of that, I'm going to do a perception roll. All right, so Blavin got a 15 on his perception. I'm going to say that Blavin sees the flask, sees that happen, sees Qchain get turned into a flask and grabs it and starts swinging it. As if this was natural.

Okay. Yeah, they picked this up on one of the trips. It's very cool. Where did the girl by the way? Okay. Oh my goodness. Did they touch the coin again? You know, they're probably back out at the pier.

Blavin, would you go check and see if they're at the pier again? This happens all the time. You know, it's not a perfect system. Where are you running? I guess we'll run back out towards the, do we want to run towards the pier? Do we want to find out what's going on here? I thought we want to go to this escape pod.

Oh, I kind of thought we were just going to camp out here for a little bit. How long does invisibility last? It lasts up to an hour. Do we want to go poke around and look in one of the doors? Maybe so. Well, let's maybe wait here, see what the benefactor does and if he leaves the atrium there will be a lot of things. Oh, good call.

Okay, we're going to wait and we're going to let Blav and exit and see kind of what the benefactor does and if he leaves the atrium, we're gonna wait and we're gonna let Blav and exit and see kind of what the benefactor does. And I'm holding Niaq up so he can't like slip on anything and make a loud fall sound. And yeah, you should also be covering my mouth because I'm wildly trying to explain to my brother that I didn't touch the coin. So yeah, so I'm covering it up and keep him standing up.

So here's what happens. So yeah, so I'll get the cover in the mouth and keep them standing up. Okay, so here's what happens. Blavin is like, okay, yes, Northwalk, would you go check with me? We're gonna go check and see if they ended up at the pier. You know, the coins are a little buggy. They might be in the ocean, so, you know, we might need to fish them out. But we'll go check that out. I'm so sorry, sir. Please wait right here. Yes, of course. I've waited for a long time. I'm happy to wait for more.

So they go out the door. As soon as that happens, you get a little buzz in your pocket from your cards. Okay. I want to look at the card. Also, when we went on an invisible, doesn't invisibility make your phone go on silent also? Yes, absolutely.

I mean, like your adventure is your phone phone go on silent also? Yes, absolutely. I mean, like your adventure is your phone should be on silent. Yeah, okay. It's on like the low buzz. So I look at it. Okay, so you look at it and it says, remember, we can't leave until we have all five crystals. The benefactor has the other three.

Ah, correct. Okay, so should we go to where the benefactor came up from? Okay. Let's go. Yeah. Before you do that. Does it mean is there any instinct to explore the other two first just because the one he came from is going to be the most dangerous?

Perhaps. Let me give you a quick recap. There's three doors. There's a door to the west, a door to the north and a door to the east. And he came up from east, right? He came up from below. Oh, so the reader is an end of basement. Yes, he came up from the basement.

Oh, God. And who is outside of each one? There are two knights positioned at every door, as well as next to the stairway. Buzz you. That was just you. Who's she's cared for? Wait a minute, who's she is?

Oh, don't get us killed. I don't see anyone, but these are three doors, three doors, three crystals. Maybe we should just go down one of these hallways. I think you're right. Okay, we would like to maybe go down the hallway with the laziest looking guards. Oh yeah, ones that are on their phone

or reading a magazine. All right, I'm going to do. Probably watching Jens Lindell comedy. No, it's fun. Jens Lindell official, it's not fun. I know, but they're probably not watching that they're probably watching Jens Lindell comedy.

No, they're looking at my modeling comedy. Yo, this Jens Lindell comedy is so funny. He does like flips and stops. Okay, then what's clearly an idiot? I would like to go to our set. Here's here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna do a row with a D6 to determine if you can figure out which guards of a stupidest. Okay, okay, after we do that, I have something I'm do. Six you notice, one, you don't notice. Okay. Three.

So you really can't tell. Okay. I would like to, I would like to make a hand. Okay. And, Gend, which direction are we going? Are they, are they standing? Do they have like their swords? So we are invisible.

So all of our stuff is invisible. Are the doors wide enough that we can sneak in easily or we can have to like cry for like a distraction while we open the door if we have to. Okay. Yes. It's wide enough for you to sneak through. They're not like crossing their sword on the runny. So but I think we can just go. I think I'm asking you. I need to know from you right now. Do you want to go through West, North East? Let's start West. Okay, so then on the East side,

I'm going to take my Medchen and knock something off the wall. Okay, then do a slight event. 13. 13. Use your Medchen. I'm gonna say there's like a portrait hanging on the wall that you made fall down. The benefactor squints and looks directly at you. For a moment it looks like he's smiling.

What do you do? I start walking towards that west door. We go there. He, all right. So he like holds up a hand just trying to like see if he felt something. It's kind of like wrinkling his nose a little bit. And he shrugs it off and turns back to the door to see if Blavin found anything. Okay, but what are the, so the intention of the distraction was to distract the guard

as we walked through. So what do they, how do they react to the portrait? What did you get again? 14? 14. All right, I'm going to say with 14, yeah. to distract the guard that we walked through. So how do they react to the portrait? Would you get again? 14? 14. All right, I'm gonna say with 14, yeah. I think like one guard stays positioned next to the door,

but the others all go over towards the portrait to kind of check it out. Sweet, let's just run down the hall. They're sneak down the hall. All right, great. So you're headed down the West Wing. Yeah, great. I'm looking for Martin Sheehan.

Yes, well said, so. So you're running down this hallway. On either side are portraits of the Vivalaist family kind of blurring past you as you make your way there. But as you reach the end of the hallway, the mansion seems to dissolve into darkness as you step into a moonlit greenhouse. The room is enclosed in high-volved glass, much like the greenhouse at Lumiere vineyards,

but this room seems to be enchanted to always display the night sky. Out the windows you see the calm sea gently lapping at the sides of the manner. All around you are a variety of ripe fruit-bearing vines, as well as some large toothy, venous griffin traps that appear to be sleeping. As you enter you clock three nights stationed around the room, they are all dressed identically, but one wears an aquamarine pendant over their breasts. Near the back of the room, you see a massive bronze telescope placed next to a beautiful stone hot tub. To the left of the tub, a halfling chef cooks up some of the greasiest chili fries you've

ever seen, and to the right, a large statue holds a tray with loner bathing suits and towels on them. Okay, so no crystal in here that we can see. Should we kill all these guards? Can I do some sort of like perception check to see if there's a crystal? Yeah, do an investigate check or investigate. Yeah, do an investigate, obviously. 18!

18! Okay, use Gamma Room for signs of magical activity and your arcane radar gets a slight ping from the side of the room with the telescope and the hot tub. Oh, so there might be one here. Okay, it could be in the hot tub or something. I guess let's go, while invisible, I guess I'll go up and look in the telescope. Yeah, I think we should explore before we attack because I think we lose our invisibility, please.

Yeah, we do. Okay, I'm gonna go look in the telescope and peek my head over into the hot tub as well. Great. You're invisible. Is the hot tub going? Yes. Are the jets going?

Jets are going. Oh, we can get in without being noticed then. Ooh, smart. Yeah. Oh yeah, because this sound, we could be really quiet about getting in there. And like our bodies wouldn't really, because it's already bubbling.

All right, let's get in the hot tub. Okay. It's invisible we get in the hot tub. Are you invisible getting in the hot tub? I think we're invisibly gonna get in the hot tub. Fuck yeah. It's much too the hot tub. Are you invisibly getting in the hot tub? I think we're invisibly gonna get in the hot tub. Fuck yeah, it's it's much too warm for me You get in the hot tub and your wounds are magically healed Oh nice and all your spouts lots are

I guess I can dip a toe in I really think your curse tonight the little halfling chef is boiling. The little halfling chef is like, and just keeps cooking their fries. So you're just invisibly sitting in this hot tub. But there is no crystal on the floor or anything like that. Yeah, I guess we'll all swim around. Yeah, I just kind of like, I'm looking at the bottom of the hot tub floor for it. Yeah, I imagine it's sort of that situation where gents is being like the adult in the room

and it's just sitting and chilling in the hot tub. But those guys are like getting really under, and he's swimming under water and stuff. I'm doing that thing where you like go in for a second and sit out and go in. Yeah. Would you two relax? Too hot, then it's too cold.

I prefer a tepid bath, brother. You reach in there, you check everywhere, you check even the little filtration area. There's no crystal in here. OK. I'm going to pop out and I'm going to look at the telescope. OK. So you look at the telescope?

Yeah. Where are you looking with the telescope? Turn that telescope to look in the room, I think. Oh Okay, I'm gonna well I guess I'll I'll start by looking out wherever it's pointed and then I will move it to see if I see anything if I don't see anything at first When you look out over the sea Because of the enchantments on this room you see the night sky, okay, you see Palos and Pollock's up in the sky Twinkling but you don't see anything out of the ordinary you just see kind of like a nice you see palos and polycs up in the sky, twinkling,

but you don't see anything out of the ordinary. You just see kind of like a nice vision. It's a very clear night sky, but nothing unusual. Okay, I will need to be a little stealthy here if I'm gonna move the telescope. Yes. So here's an idea. I have pretty good slide of hand.

How is the chef pretty close to the telescope? Yeah, so the way that it's kind of positioned is like the telescope. Think of it kind of like a little like semi-circle viewing area with the telescope in the back, and then the hot tub in front of it, and then the chef and this statue holding bathing suits are on either side.

Okay, my question is, could we just like have the chef and this statue holding bathing suits are on either side. Okay, my question is, could we just like have the chef trip on something using our invisible stuff and pretend to have him not make it look like he knocked into the telescope and I'll move the telescope and see if I can find something. I'm going out. I put out my magien for like a table top. And I assist Onyx there and kind of move out.

I guess there's like some plants or whatever. I want to lay something out so it looks like he tripped over that. Okay, so you're basically like doing shadow puppet theater to make him trip, but then you're going to like guide him back to swing the telescope. Yeah, I'm gonna move the telescope. I'm gonna flick the greasy deep fryer, just splash him with a little bit of hot oil. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh 26. This goes off pretty much without a hitch, I would say. Here's what happens. You flick the grease into this little

half-length chef's face. He goes, oh my God! He's, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Onyx, you use your mage hand to trip him. Are you also like pulling out a vine so it's kind of like, it looks like the vine is what tripped him? Yeah, I think I like grab a vine with it so that he does actually trip, but I'm like aiming him. And then Jins, you're gonna spin the telescope

as soon as he gets right next to it. Yeah, to make it look like he bumps into it. Yeah, awesome. So as this happens, the night wearing the aquamarine pendant Over their breasts looks up and says chip knocking off what's going on over there and chips like I'm so sorry This fries are for very hot I made him and splash a little water in his face

Really thought this had a different effect in his face. Whoa, whoa, that's hot too. Whoa, whoa, whoa. He got in the wounds. Sorry, nah, I could try. I really thought this had a different effect. All right, so now the telescope is turned around. Where are you looking at now? I just want to do a quick look or scan of the room as it's like spinning. OK, so you scan the room. You see, it's kind of almost functions in the room as it's like spinning. Okay, so you scan the room, you see, it's kind of almost functions in the room like infrared.

Oh. So as you spin it around, you see, the Griffin traps have a little bit of a heat signature. The berries also have one, but very light. Obviously, the guards have a little bit of a heat signature. What about the aquamarine thing? That is kind of like a purplish magical glow to it. So it's giving off a heat signature,

but clearly not human. Got it. But also you notice that the statue holding the swim trunks has a heat signature, it has two. It has a core in the chest, but then there's a secondary signature that is off the charts that is in the helmet. Oh dang.

Okay. Okay. Cool. I whisper to you guys, it's in the helmet of the statue. Okay. Do we want to just like close this door and destroy this room? Just wreck all these people. Or should we keep having this chef trip on things?

I mean, yes, it's true. We could try to attack them by having the chef trip into them. Yes, trip into them, helping their swords and teeth. Yes, there's the next. I like this chef. These guys would kind of mean to the chef. Should we. Yes, trip into them, you know, nothing there's swords and these. I like the chef. These guys were kind of mean to the chef. Should we slit their throats? I think my cornea is permanently damaged. Yeah.

All right, this guy's not going to get away. He pulls out a gun and kills you off. I would, yeah. Okay, cool. Should we fight these guards, three guards, go up and surprise around on them? Yeah, let's, yeah. Okay, cool. Should we fight these guards, three guards, go up and surprise around on them? Let's assassinate them.

My instinct is to kill these smaller guys first and hope to take them out in a round or two. Yeah, so if we're coming from invisibility, do we have advantage on our attacks on them? Yeah, that'd be like a surprise. Yeah, all right, so how many guards are there? So there's three, right? There's two regular ones in the one with the Oppo Marine.

So maybe why don't we do, why don't Onyx and I sneak up behind one person, see kind of what happens there? Or I, what? I think we should all take one on our own. We all take one on our own, but maybe. I've got a branding smite, I think I can take it out if I hit. Okay, but Niaq uses a bow, so Niac can just stand back

and pick off whoever, if somebody's hurt or if somebody tries to run away. So why don't you and I sneak up on the Weenegards? Niac should also get a surprise attack on the other one, yeah. With a bow, yeah. Okay, okay. See all we're getting ready to put this plan into action? I will say, as soon as you step out of the hot tub,

you hear a timer thing and the jets turn off and the magical hot tub goes back to being a normal last hot tub. Got it. You see a bandit at the bottom. It's a little gross. Oh, I went under the water. I think that's your band. Oh, look at my belly button where I had a bandit. That's your belly button. That's not a wound. Now, yeah, it is an open wound, brother. The hole in my stomach. I also have a bill. Perhaps perhaps your stomachs are cursed and that's why you're fulfilled by cover your gaping balls. We're all ready to put this plan into action. Yeah, let's do it. Okay. I'm gonna take my shelter behind the Frystand great I couldn't I couldn't eat a single potato on Stuffed I sneak up behind what are the guards? I sneak up behind the other I draw my long bow and

Amethal at the last and Let's do this cool go ahead and roll your round. I'm gonna look through my true site monocle, which gives me advantage on this attack. Hell yeah. Well, we have advantage because we're invisible. So do I roll four? No, you just, I would say you wouldn't use your true strike.

Yeah, you might want to save that. Okay, so I got a 27. 27 to hit? Yeah. Okay, that hits. Okay, I'm also going to do a pastel smite. Ooh, I got an 18 to hit on my guy. I also got a 27.

Alright, you all three hit, so go ahead and roll damage. Nice. Seven damage on the first hit. Okay. Eight damage for me. Alright, Jens, are you doing another hit? Yeah, I'm gonna do my second attack, Nat 20 baby.

Oh, yeah. That's eight damage from that one, and then I'll do my offhand. Fuck them up. Offhand is only a nine to hit. Oh wait, no, that's not with advantage. That's a 16 to hit that just misses. Okay.

Okay, I got 25 on my first hit because I did a pastel smile. Wow. Great. And then do I get advantage on my second attack? Yeah. Yeah. And advantage on the round. And then another 11.

Onyx, your guy is looking a little fucked up. Yeah. Still standing, but he is like blood is seeping out of his armor. Do I get two attacks with the bow? You should. Great. Go after a... You should get the one that's hurt.

Oh, okay. Onyx is one. Oh! Not 20. Oh! God, I got to use that. 13 damage to that guy. Niaq.

Finish this guard. I pull a really sharp French fry back in my bow. I wink at my brother as it crumbles in my bow string and then I shoot an arrow at it. Yes, good. The arrow. Imagine if I did it with a french fry. The guard sees that and goes, why?

Fry! And then dies. I fry die, baby. Okay, so that's one guard down. Jins, you were aiming at the one with the aquamarine, right? No, I was just going after a regular guy. Okay, it looks like you've got one guard that's a little hurt, and then the remaining night.

Can I immediately cast a skyse self to look like the guy I just killed? It's body's still gonna be there. I know, but I mean, it's just like, it's like Yes, I'm any basis. I mean fucking go for it All right, so that's you Kill this guy and then instantly take his face and body The guard who's wearing the awkward marine pendant looks at you until like What did you do to Derry?

Fuck you. Which what did you do to Derry? Fuck you. Where? What did you do? I attacked him. Alright, that's it. Everybody roll initiative. This episode of NADPOT has brought to you by Bird Dogs. They're a company that makes pants and shorts, so no matter where you fall and the age old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered.

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Ugh! 11. 13. 19. Okay, so we got two guards. Nyak, you were up first. Um, great. I will train my longbow on the Aqua Marine Guard.

Great. And now I will use my true site monocle perfect. I can get advantage. Nice work. I rolled a two and a three. Ah! You're definitely slipping, Chili.

Oh my God. Oh, the kitchen here. Why would you fight their brother? Hey, what are you doing? I'm fried. I've aired brother. Hey, what are you doing? What's my fries? I've aired brother. I've aired horribly. I step aside from the little snack bar and I'm gonna take my second attack. As you slip in the chili, some does fly up and get in chip's eyes and he goes, oh,

the chili oil, it's so hot! Cover your damn eyes man, just get in the hot tub you fool. I Rolled a one and a four. Wow Nye Hey, this guy's got the right idea shut up to Shut up trip says the guard who begins to attack. They both draw their swords. The Hurt Guard is going to go after... ...Ginn, since you attacked him.

Makes sense. Also, I look like his friend. That's all, that's all. Also, yeah, they're very confused because you look like Jerry. Oh, that's going to be a 24 to hit. Super hits. Alright, it's going to be... 24 to hit super hits. All right. It's going to be Six damage on the first hit. Okay

Shout out to the two crew. Yeah, that's gonna be a big Whithfully Diff. All right now that's going to be the captain and the captain sees this mayhem unfolding They draw their sword and head towards Nyak by the pool. And as they're approaching you, they touch the aqua marine pendant and you see some aqua marine energy kind of glow from it. And then you see a corresponding energy glow inside the statue that was holding the swim suits and towels. It tosses the tray aside, pounds its fists together, and starts making its way towards Niaq as well. Careful, it's slippery over here. Oh, now you've done it! Quiet chip. Yeah, quiet chip. I like this mean captain.

It's unfortunate that we have to kill him. All right, so I'm gonna go ahead and roll initiative for this guardian now. That is an natural 20. Yay. There we go. Okay, and now that is going to be Jins' turn. Nice.

I will go after the guard that's already a little hurt. Jerry, no, that's not Jerry, that's Jason. Jason, okay, I'm gonna go after the guard that's already a little hurt. Jerry? No, that's not Jerry, that's Jason. Jason, okay, I'm gonna go after Jason. And I will do, I think it's after I hit that I decide whether or not I want to do a flourish. Yes, okay, I will do an attack. First attack is a nat 20 baby. Oh my God. And I am gonna do a defensive flourish.

Hell yeah. Oh my God. And I am gonna do a defensive flourish. So that means I'm gonna do, oh that's some good dice. Tell me how you heard me. 22 damage. Ooh. And then I add five to my AC, temporarily, use a bardic inspiration to do that. And then I'm going to attack again, my second attack.

That is only a 12 to hit. I imagine I miss. That with big time, I get way too excited and proud of myself for my first hit. And then I'm gonna take an offhand attack. Bring it. 14. That's a stinky swing.

Don't mix. Yikes. That swings nasty. Disturbs the air. No, you do get a good whack in on Jason though. stinky swing. Don't let it. Yikes. That swings nasty. Uh huh. Disturbs the air. No, you do get a good whack in on Jason though. They're looking a little fucked up. They are starting to breathe heavily, you know, more and more blood is pouring out of their

armor. And they turn to the Captain Captain of Injmy. But he can do nothing because it's Onyx's turn. Okay. Jens laughs. Can I do some sort of like check? I wanna see if I think that the stone is gonna come to life. The statue is gonna come to life.

Oh, it has. It already came to life. Okay, great. I'm gonna cast Hexblade Curse and go after that. Okay, okay. I mean, do you really want me to just finish off this guy? No, he didn't do that much damage. Just, yeah, go for the stone.

Okay. Yeah, I ask you this every time, but Hexblade Cur that much damage just yeah go for the stone. Yeah I ask you this every time but hexblade curse. Okay hexblade curse as a bonus action curse a creature you can see within 30 feet. I get to add my proficiency bonus to damage to this target 19 and 20 crit if they die I get HP equal to the warlock level plus charisma dope. All right cool Hell yeah, and you're going We're creating a lot in Trinny Bell mm-hmm 22 22 damage 22 damage on my first hit. Hell yeah. And then I'm gonna go again. This is 11 hit the stone. 11 does not hit the stone unfortunately. Guys, surprise. Whatever. I pretend like I only just did one big one really big hit. Wow nice one attack on it. I also just took one attack.

Crazy. The attacks were so good, you did not need a second. Honestly, give me a pure luck roll on that hit you did on the statue. Four. Four. Not lucky at all. Okay. Yeah, the statue looks at you and the glowing eye sockets narrow on you, and it goes, na-a-a-a.

I am not afraid of a statue. Na-a-a-a. You get the sense it doesn't know many words. You keep saying na-a-a. I like your catchphrase. Oh, okay. You saw like one TV show that's how you learned how to speak. Oh, you watch Happy Days. You saw like one TV show that's how you learned how to speak

Okay, you watch happy days That's black knack loves happy days. We watch that one at the apartment. You watch that one our third fonzarelli is a babe magnet Gens pretends not to watch happy days and stands there and watches it like a dad Could that be any more of a bad attack? Richie Cunningham just doesn't get it. All right, so that is going to bring us back around. Oh, to this catchphrase, quoting Guardian. All right, they're gonna go for Onyx, since Onyx drew metallic blood against them first. Ooh, shout out to the four doors.

Oh. I'm all of them have nothing behind them. Jim Morrison and the other three doors. Love them. Onyx does a 17 hit. Yes, it does. Okay, cool. 12 damage.

Okay, I am going to... Ooh. Hey, let's rev you. Yes. And now, because all of my spell slots are level four, that's gonna be 5D10. Wow. 5D10?

Incredible, on it. It's almost as if she gets her power from some sort of mystical entity that you shouldn't trust. I want to roll a lot of dice, brother. Oh my god, I rolled nothing but twos and threes. Shut up. I got 13. 13?

Yeah. OK. Not bad. I mean, that's devastating. That will gut you. That is devastating. You rolled it so many times. I know I wrote it so many times It's like to

to I saw I saw I think one was there was a foreign there maybe The statue stairs it you it laughs and says or he's Yeah, wait a second though. Do I get to add my proficiency damage? I get to add my proficiency bonus though. So it's actually another three. Because he is my hexplay guy. Oh, he instantly dies. What, really? No.

Oh. He's still hitting my mids. You knock off one of his fingers. OK, so instead of 13, 16. OK, three more damage. Hey, you know what, bitch? That's more damage than he did me. That's true.

That is going to bring us back to Niac. Now, my monical, I can only use it once. For the monical, it works. You get advantage on a declared foe. So you haven't declared a foe yet, but as soon as you do, it can only work on that until a long rest. Great. I will use it on, I guess I want to use it on the least winery guy here. I'm going to use it on the big statue. On the statue in the Guardians. Great. I declare you as my foe. I smile at my brother. You're talking to a rock. Do you approve, brother? No. I crit brother. Wow! Not 20 babies. Dollar, Krippin and Splitten. I love it. Yeah. 12 damage. 12 damage. Yeah.

And it dies you that. That's another class. Just watch as TGIF. Have you seen friends yet? That's a good one. No one's funny. You're the Chandler. Niaq is sort of our Chandler. We love Chandler. You honor me. I rolled another Nat 20.

Wow! What? I rolled a 19 and a 20 in this. Sweet pea, all right, roll your damage. Oh, good. 13 damage. 13 damage. Okay.

I mean, he's still standing, but like, these hits aren't nothing. Keep it up, I guess. Keep it on. Is that your turn? That is my turn. All right. Okay, yeah, we have one night and one captain left.

So I'm going to have Jason go. Jason is going to keep wailing on Jens. Let's go ahead and do some attacks. Does a 13 hit? No. Okay, great. Okay, they miss on the second attack. Nice.

Cool. Alright, they just whiff. They're really messed up about y'all killing their buddy, Jerry. Yeah. Look what you did to Jerry, and now you wear his face? I still look like Jerry. Jerry's in hell. What, what do you say about me?

I am Jerry. That's how she does it. She sends them the hell, and then she gets to use their face. Speaking of Jerry, there's a really great show Seinfeld that you watch at the apartment. Yeah, what's the deal with? Nine out of our Elaine And that does the Elaine dance Genstrized not to laugh The statue goes now. What's it angry real quick. I videotape that and put it posted to my Instagram

Me and Jerry we used to always watch the DJ I have lineup every night Teen Angel boy meets world the whole crew We loved it when Salem went from all the different shows. It was very funny. It's a good one Okay, it's another captain's gonna go. He's moved over into position next to you, Niaq. So his sword is drawn and he's just gonna slash it you. Oh, I don't think this is gonna hit. Does a tin hit?

I'm ashamed that you even ask me. You're a shamey, Uncle. The man is lying in a pile of chili and you can't hit him. You can't tell which is the man and which is the chili. I'm more chili than man. The captain definitely slips on a little bit of the chili too. I told you it was slippery over here. Chili is just like spicy jam.

You know my heart. Shout out to the two crew. The captain takes a big swing and falls into the hot tub. Wow. Get out of the way, Chip. Does he get his health back though? Unfortunately, the jets are off, so he doesn't get any of the healing properties of it.

He just gets wet. And that is going to be Jins' turn. Sweet. I'm going to try to kill the stupid guards that I've been fighting. First attack is a 16. Uh, that misses. Boo. God damn it, 12.

Offhand. Matt 20. A. We've crited other reasons for you to do that. Okay, I want you to get out of 19 kids I am so jealous of all these 20 Hmm, I want a 20 10 damage cool. Is he still alive? Yes, God damn it. Somebody help me kill this guy He's looking very hurt though. I'll help you brother cool. Yeah, this guy is like breathing real heavy I think like one more hit and he's done. Okay. All right

So that's gonna bring us to onyx. Okay, Jen's I can pivot to your guy Probably hopefully I won't get opportunity attacks, but I have this hex plate curse on the stone I have my bow. I can shoot him. Yeah, and I can just shoot him. Okay, then I will just keep attacking this guy You do the Lord's work already Okay, 25 25 gonna hit that absolutely hits 19 19 damage is yeah 19 damage Cuz I hexbug curse them and then next swing 24 gonna hit that hits 15 so 19 and 15 damn you know fucking up this statue to

Statue 15 and 15 damn you know what fucking up this statue to statue He's like trying to think of a cool catchphrase to say and he just blurt's out chips Do you want chips to the show because you could eat chips while you watch TGIF Magnum PI, okay, okay, I think he likes acronyms a lot of Magnum PI. Okay, I think he likes acronyms. He seems a lot of Magnum PI chips. TGIS. This man is a connoisseur. He seems everything. If he says match, he really likes acronym.

Although I think he stopped watching in like 1990-1990 something. Onyx, go ahead and give me another luck roll. Nine. Nine. Still not lucky enough. Okay. I can't complain, my tech role's have been good. Well, this is fun. Your luck truly has run out because it's back around to the Guardians turn and they get to regain 10 hit points at the start of their turn. Yay! Good for them.

What they do is they grab a handful of fries and shove them through like the slits in their face mask and go, yummy! It's still not as much as I hit you for though. If we're being honest, right big boy? Your true thirts! Okay, and then they're going to attack Onyx. Shout out to the two crew! Statchues suck. Shout out to the four chores.

Yeah! Sweeping, mopping, cleaning the bathroom. And of course, getting out and being a dad. It's crazy! The tennis court. Mmm-hmm. Love it. It should be the tennis court. Squeegee. The four classic chores. All right.

Fuck, they miss book time. Shit. All right, cool. That's their turn. Sweet. Now, that's their turn. Sweet. And Iak, that's you. The captain is in the hot tub still? Yes. Does that mean he's prone and I can have advantage on an attack? Oh.

It does. Because I say he was. It is buttoned the air. Absolutely, his big plump rump is in the air. It's like shooting fish in a hot tub. Ooh. I kiss my arrow and I launch it into his ass. Nobody shoot an arrow at my ass.

25 to shoot it at his ass, Niaq. You got it, bro. Arrow the ass, Niaq. An arrow to the ass. How much damage do you do to his ass? That is 12 damage to his ass. 12 damage to his ass, great. I hit one cheek. I'm gonna try to hit the other.

There's still more ass. Ass, ass, ass, ass. 22, that is 10 damage to his ass. His ass is ruined. Really? Oh no, no. You ruined that man's ass. He's got two antenna made of arrows poking out of his ass. I've destroyed his ass.

His ass looks like the eyes on some sort of insect and those are the antennae. It's completely ravaged. Hi, you've turned this man into an acer pillar. A ravaged rump. Is that your turn? Yes, that is my turn. Okay, so I put chili like on my face like war paint

Embrace that which make you slip Roll to see if you have a allergic reaction to the chili I roll the three You basically so puffy I can't see brother What why did you do that? If you're so sensitive to food, you're so sensitive to meat. Have you been to an hour? I think I have a week constitution.

How are you prissier than me? I'm not very hearty. Your face starts swelling up, but it like holds the monocle in place. It's like when a bicycle grows into a tree or something. All right, so now the nights are gonna go. The captain is going to try and climb out of a hot tub. I guess they'll just do that as they're turned. That's a freebie, gentlemen and ladies. And then the other night is going to attack probably the beer.

We've been having a knockdown drag out fight. Yeah, the other night is gonna go after you, Jens. That's a one. Man, come on, some shit rolls today. I am slipping in chili all over here as well. The bars will sing of this tale, the fight between Jason and Jen. And the chili. The most formidable foe of all. Does 16 hit? It does.

Okay. The chili will take us all one day. From chili, we are born from chili, we will return. They hit you for six. Okay. All right, Jen, that's your turn. And now I finally send you to hell. I believe in you. Okay, that's a 20 to hit. The hits.

First attack is only a four. Okay, he's still got to am alive. He is. Damn it, second attack. Okay, that's a 19 to hit. Great. Eight damage. Jens. Oh my god. Finish Jason. Damn it's second attack. Okay, that's a 19 to hit great eight damage Jens oh my god finish Jason I

Grab his head I turn his head to face Jerry and I go Jerry or Jerry's dead body I I say I say you can burn with Jerry now and And then I Move his head to look at Onyx Do something rude What do you do? She punches them in the face. I punch myself in the face.

I punch them. I punch them in the face. And I laugh and then I crush his skull. I punch them in the face. I did a D4 for damage when you hurt your head. Yeah, I think that's fine. I'm coming, Jerry. I took two damage.

That was awesome. We're going to be having DCPY in heaven. While we watched the lineup. Hell, we said hell. That was awesome. We're gonna be having TCPY in heaven while we watch the line up. Hell, we said hell. We said hell. Really got your gun there. I'm in hell. Then I'm going to use my movement to run over to the captain and I'm gonna use my offhand. Awesome. Nice work. Stick him in the ass. There you There you go. Damn. I'm going to do... Good on his ass. I will do a defensive flourish so that I can get some more dice in here. Yeah.

Okay. 15 damage. Yeah. Nice. He's looking real hard. How does that acid pillar look? Ha ha ha. He's looking really hurt.

He's like spinning around and kind of like whacking more fries off the table with his ass antennae that ass are pale We'll turn it to a butter fly That was so good see this is why he's our Chandler. I watch a lot of sitcom No one's so nearly the Joey. Oh you doing Chandler was also puffy in season six You're like a season six Chandler was also puffy in season six. You're like a season six Chandler and also Elaine. The two funniest characters. Is that your turn?

Yes. Okay, cool. Good turn. Yeah, so the statue is looking damaged, starting to chip a little bit, but it's still up. The captain is looking very hurt. Blood and chili are dripping from their ass wounds as they try and you know regain their composure. And that is going to be Onyx's turn. Okay I'm gonna keep going after the statue because I have him cursed. Great. There's a 16 hit. Oh it just misses.

Okay dammit. There's a 20 hit? It does. Yeah. 17. 17 damage? Great. Okay. That's all. And then do I have to roll a electric? Um, yeah, please.

Four. Four. Fuck me! So unlucky. Uh-huh. Um, oh, that's very unfortunate. So we wind back around to the Guardian, and they regain 10 hit points. Eh, still hit you for more than that.

That's true, that is truly the facts of life. I don't know enough catchphrases, so I'm just saying shows now. All right, I think that everyone's kind of like broken off into the little groups. They're gonna keep going for Onyx, I think. It's gonna be after me. That's a 20 to hit.

That did. Okay, that's going to be these dice. 12 damage. Okay. How look at Alex I'll tell you after the second attack and then a 22 that also hits okay 14 damage you know I've been better I'm looking at nine hit points. Okay, okay Naya gets your turn bring it on come on you gonna go for the Guardian you gonna go for the captain

I am going to Put chili on my brother's face what? You saw what it did to your face This Jen's emerald reaction roll a constitution day 16 no at his skin looks better actor. I knew you were hearty brother And then I'm gonna tuck and roll towards onyx and cast cure wounds. Oh Love it. Thank you so much for how much? Remind me how to lose I just roll to hit dice. I just want if you want to wait

I can do healing word as a bonus action It's there's kind of no point in having you lose your two attacks. Yeah, yeah, why don't you take your two attacks? Okay, I barrel roll back to my brother and I take aim at the captain. Okay, great. Yeah, let's kill this captain. I rolled a net one. That's gonna miss. Good thing I rolled back. I'm feeling dizzy. I'll try it again. Okay. That times a 25. That'll hiss.

Nine damage. Okay. That completes my turn. Good turn. So the captain is looking real fucked up. They stand up and steady themselves then pull the arrows out of the rass and toss them into the pool.

They do land on chip, though. Oh, that went right into my down toy. Right. And they are going to come towards Nyak and slash at you. Okay, careful. You might have an allergic reaction to this chili. It's just you, Nyak. You're allergic to poison.

The poison. First hits a nine, not Mrs. Don't let it get in my belly button 23 that hits okay That's going to be eight damage great cool. Gens that's your turn sweet swing my sword and I Yeah, the captain that's a 22 to hit that hits seven damage Gens yeah finished the captain. I look at the captain and I say,

I really respect how mean you are to this really annoying chef. So I'll give you this one last laugh. And I slit his throat, sprayed all over chip on the ground. That's disgusting. That's a zesty as the captain dies he says you're a fourth of the man that chip ever was Oh Fourth damn don't worry brother chip is awesome. I used my last attack by offhand attack to brutalize the smash body by offhand attack to brutalize the sman's body. That's a 23 to hit. It hits, I just do five damage to his corpse.

And I look like I'm going through some stuff. Don't insult me. I bet your jelly fries taste like shit. You don't cook. You should. It's a valuable skill that any adult should possess. Uh-huh. Give me a perception check as you are destroying this corpse. Cool.

17. 17. As you are mutilating his corpse, the aquamarine pendant he was wearing falls off and lands in a pile of chili and for half a second you see the guardian look up at it and then resume Battling with Onyx. Oh my god. Did I waste my time fighting? Can I grab it? But I just have... Mmm, you can do that as a free action now. Okay. Hey Cut it out! Ah!

How rude! Ah! Oh! Cut it out He claps and smiles, but nothing happens just yet Okay, that's going to be On existence turn. Yeah, I'm just still gonna attack him. Okay 24 does that hit 24 does it? Oh bad roll two ones. So 10 and then my second attack shout out to the two crew. Oh okay. Oh and then I roll my block check to see if he got... Yeah do it do a luck check. 15! 15! On a 15 you thwack the side of the statue's head with your mall, and you see a little bit of like the paint

kind of chip off of the statue, but also the face plate pops up, and inside the head of the statue, you see a ornate brass doorknob. I open it. It's not attached to anything. Oh, I still want to steal it though. Okay, you steal it?

Yeah. Okay, you steal it. Who? Oh! He's completed his routine and is going back to the beginning. Is that your turn? Yeah, that's my turn. Okay, so he's going to ping pong back to his previous health, regaining 10.

And then he's going to attack you because you just stole his precious treasure. I fully forgot to heal you. No. 11 doesn't hit. No. 17? Yes. I'm going to use cutting words as a reaction.

If I use one of my bardic inspiration to take two off of that. So it's 15 to 15 hit you? Yes. God damn it. Oh. What a waste. Good plan though, good try.

That's going to be 10 damage. I am down. Oh no. No. As I go down, I say say I hope to wake up in the hot tub with the jets going. My bad on it! Definitely said I would heal you. I believe you don't. Someone helps out. I do two barrel rolls for you brother. Yeah.

They vaguely recall this. Feel like somebody else that was someone else's plan. I don't know. Brother, you shame us. Niak, that's your turn. I'm going to just shake my head slowly at Jens and barrel roll over and cure wounds. God damn it.

This guy's a bro! Making me look bad. At least one of our mother's sons will stick to their word. I'm not touching that one. Seven. I wake up. My hero. I'm carrying Onyx over to the chili because I misheard before it.

I'm going to be a god. I'm going to be a scatterbrain. Okay, so that's going to be Jens' turn. Sweet. I am going to crush this crystal thing. You just crush it, slam it into the ground, yeah. Okay. I'm not aiming gonna make you roll for that. It's pretty fragile.

As you do that, the aquamarine light that was kind of emanating from inside the Guardian fades away and it just falls over into the hot tub. Unfortunately crushing chip. Oh, no, you monster. I'm okay. Chip made the poison, though. Hi, Jackson.

No. Witchcraft. It's not poison. It's just your potlay. It's a secret recipe. Oh, I'm going to be sick. I can't feel my lungs. Ah, Anik, that was my bad. Do you need more health?

We can turn on this hot tub once we clear. Yeah, we can, let's try to turn on the hot tub. Onyx, that was my bad. Do you need more health? We can turn on this hot tub once we clear. Yeah, we can, let's try to turn on the hot tub. I don't respond and I just look again to Naya. Can I say, you are the greatest hero I have ever traveled with. My face is so puppy. I'm not joking. I'm broken out in high. I've been the knee to Naya.

I want to pull chip out from under the column. Oh thank you. I slap him across the face. Don't thank me yet. How do we turn on this hot tub? I don't know. Or just make the fries. I dunk his head in the hot tub. I pull the back out, figure it out. How do we turn on this hot tub? Where's the timer?

A timer dang, dung before, dang. Surely you've seen someone turn on this hot tub. I dunk his head again. Can I do like a check for the timer or like a switch for the hot tub? I pull his head back up. Tell her how to use the hot tub. You made this chip all soggy.

I dunk him again. Oh, I'm a little bit it. I wait for him to accidentally kill chip and then I look for it. I pull him up. I don't want to kill him. It's right over there. Go make some more chili. I bet the chips blowing bubbles. Don't you see that closet that says maintenance? Okay, thank you. We're going go look in that. Make my half stranger here, some high-poiler, Janet chili. Right away, sir. So, Chip, the dress, some Benadryl,

and do some chili, and then put it on. Oh, the Narendtty boy, special. So, Chip does point you towards a maintenance closet that was kind of obscured by vine after being water-bordered. So yeah, if you want to go over there and turn the hot tub back on, you can do it. Okay, let's do that. I will say, let's clear everybody out of the hot tub. Are there any dead bodies in the hot tub that will spin by the light?

I don't think so. I think that the only thing that fell in there was the guardian and the crystals, what makes in a life. And did we collect the crystal from the statue? No, the crystal was not in the statue. There was some kind of knob in there. So my guess is we can use it to open a door. Like we probably put it on something that doesn't have that.

Okay, so I took the knob already. We have the knob. Let's get the hot tub going. Yeah, while we're getting the hot tub going, I want to just use the telescope one more time. Just make sure the crystal is not in here that there's no. Get the hot tub going. Yeah, while we're getting the hot tub going, I want to just use the telescope one more time, just make sure the crystal's not in here, that there's no... You spend the telescope around, you don't see anything.

Okay, so we just got the knob, that's what we need to have. Can I do some kind of like, our conno check on this knob, if I know anything about it? Absolutely. 19, baby! 19?

Fuck yeah. Do you know what this knob is? What is it? It's a dimension door. It is an artifact with the dimension door spell baked into it. So do I just like put it in the air and try to open? Give it a go.

I'd like to get in the hot tub first. Okay. To heal. Nice nice, cool. We'll heal up. Is this a one time use thing? No. The dimension door, okay.

But if you're not attuned to it, you can't really use it beyond like its previous setting. I'll say that. Okay. So then I guess we have a very impatient soak in the hot tub while we wait to use this dimension door. And then I get out the hot tub and I just stick it in the air. Okay. And turn. So you plant this knob into the air

and bright veins of light start to curl out from it and eventually form the outline of this door made of pure light. Do you want to open it? Yes, I open it. All right. But I open it like with my back to it, so I'm like looking like being stealthy. So you kind of like bump it open with, I open it. All right. But I open it like with my back to it, so I'm like looking like being stealthy. So you kind of like bump it open with your butt?

Yeah. Okay. So you bump open the door with your butt? Yeah. The door creaks open. You see a perfectly white void with one stone pedestal in the middle. And on the pedestal you see an instrument that looks like a giant cathode

ray tube. It's got like a metal end and then like a long light bulb end. And inside the glass end you see three of the Gennaract crystals. Whoa. And then on the metal end you see, give me a perception check. Should I just like the fucking gun thing? I got a 17. 17. On the metal end of it, you see a turquoise sigil glowing.

So those are all the crystals besides the ones that we have. So what's the sigil of? Do and ourana roll. 11. It's better than what I got. You don't know. Fuck. 18 though. 18.

It's the SIGGLE that you saw Captain Spaniard put on the second Gennarack crystal when she used the Chrono Scooper. So could this send us back in time or something? Yeah, I don't know. What do you guys want to do here? Let's portal out. So we just want to grab onto these. Just grab the crystals.

Yeah, I guess we just grab the crystals. Handleizingly close, just like a butter thing. Should be, oh, what? We have our coins, right? Why don't we call blabbing? Oh, good to do that and see what's oh wait we can kind of text him I I text him on the pop-up gum gift certificate Mm-hmm, and I say how do I get crystals out of a light bulb no response Blabbing's dead Okay, I jump for the crystals

Sorry for them. Yeah, you leap for them? Yeah. Okay, you grab the crystal container and nothing happens. No alarms go off and no traps are triggered. You've successfully retrieved the other three crystals. What do you want to do now? Uh, okay, if it's cool with everyone, I guess we'll just head out. Is that alright?

Yeah. Whatever you guys want. Cool, so you head back out the door, but then something strange happens. As soon as you step through the threshold, there's a bright flash and you see that the door has connected you directly to the central atrium again. However, the atrium has changed since you saw it last. The large cube-shaped globe you saw before now glows like a Tesla coil bursting with electrical energy, and the columns that held the cube aloft have now been raised even higher to reveal

a laser-focusing array that had been hidden beneath the compass pattern in the mansion floor. And next to that, you see the benefactor hunched over a control panel. After a moment, he rises up and turns around. Oh, you're just in time. I hope you had a nice time by the hot tub. I was busy, uh, well, let's say, dealing with Blavin and his insurrection. Come on over Yes, uh, we'll be over there in one second. I throw a time dagger at him

Is that gonna be a surprise or I would love to surprise? Okay Do you want me to do like stealth? Yeah, do a slight hand. Yeah cool 15 He catches the dagger. Looks at it, then laughs and sets it aside. Oh, come now, Jins. Why would you try to sulley our good relationship like that? Especially when I've got so much more that I can offer you.

Why don't you bring me those crystals and then I'll tell you a little more about what I've got planned. That seems fair to me. I suppose you want to know what I'm doing with these crystals, yes? That would be wonderful. Before I answer that question, I have a very important question for all of you. Do you what feel as if your life has been controlled? Not only by fate, but by the decisions you make and even worse the decisions of others.

I don't answer, I'll give you some examples. I've been watching you for some time now. Onyx, you fled from your life and responsibilities at the vineyard. Only to be controlled by the whispers emanating from that cursed charred. No matter where you go, someone else's hand is pulling the strings. Well, merely making suggestions I often dismiss its suggestions. It's a very interesting relationship. Jins, everything you've ever loved has been taken from you.

Your father, your career as a sword dancer, even your mother left you to start a new family. No matter what you try to hold onto, it slips away. There's a fatal flaw in his argument brother. No, he's totally right. Our bond, Gensus so hit. Niaac. Oh, Niaac, you dream of being the silverback, but you know deep down that can never happen. I have the Constitution of a warrior.

You hide your anger behind a smile, only occasionally letting small cracks of sarcasm seep out. And I say these things not to draw iron, but sympathy. For I too live a life railroaded by the unstoppable train of destiny. As he says as he gestures to his golden artificial leg, I too have suffered loss, but instead of wallowing in my shame and sadness, I've decided to strike back those who have created this miserable stage upon which the drama of our worlds unfold. Friends with these crystals, I will kill the gods and free the people of this world to ascend to their true potentials.

What say you? What say you, friends, will you bear witness to this grand undoing? I'm not entirely opposed. I'm not super religious. Now, I act. I'm also not incredibly religious, but what do you do? I feel like killing the gods could cause some ripples. We've seen the movie The Butterfly Effect.

And it's fine. It sounds interesting. I just wonder when you talk about people ascending to their true potential, is that them choosing their own destiny or is that you Choosing a destiny for them. The reins are there to take so much like the ribbons in your hair You must choose my hair with many ribbons They're beautiful from the ribbon bag, yes. I was a puppy earlier

Listen Inside my lighthouse you'll be safe from the arcane explosion that will result in turning on this machine, but with its power we can kill the god that is on her way here right now. What do you say? I need a little time to think about it. You don't have time to think. Destiny is here now! What did you do with Bl. You don't have time to think. What you do-

Destiny is here now! What did you do with Blavin? Don't worry about Blavin. He served me well. Now it's your time to serve. If Blavin still alive, then I'm on your side, and if he's dead, I'm gonna either kill you or run away really, really fast. If that's the fate you've chosen for yourself, then so be it.

And as the benefactor says that, they stamp their golden cane on the ground, and it expands into a full golden rod that starts glowing with more of this turquoise energy, and they prepare to fight. And that is where we will end our session. Us on the better factor, let's go! Let's do it! It's all in the best! Oh yeah! Woohoo! 1 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 2 nd 1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1-1.5-1-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5-1.5- Oh boy. Okay, good.

I need some time to think about what to do. I can't weigh in just yet. I'm almost on board with Chimney. I'm definitely. We got to hide in a lighthouse for an arcane explosion. It's going to kill so many people. Yeah, that's so cool. But it's not like we walked down a bustling board walk of a bunch of people or anything like that.

I think that it sounds really good, but anytime people talk about freeing people, it's all like you free them from the mortal. Like they'll just kill it. I did just waterboard a chef. I'm working. So yeah, the gods aren't good, but neither is this guy. So at the very least, I don't want to help him kill a god, you know. Well, I'm working. So, yeah, the gods aren't good, but neither is this guy. So, at the very least, I don't want to help him kill a god, you know.

Well, I'm excited. Save it for a short rest in six months for now. Yeah! I'm excited for you all to decide. It'll be a chunky short rest to be sure. Thank you all so much for playing. This was such a fun session for you. A lot of twists and turns, a lot of

diversions from the path that I'm excited to talk about soon. Wow. I do have a couple quick shout outs before we finish up here. Henry A, thank you so much for the D&D Beyond subscription. You gave me, it's helped me come up with a lot of fun monsters and encounters. Daniel Ramos, thanks for the sound mixing that you do on the show. You can check out Danielswork at

DanielRamos.com or at their Instagram at Dr. Schubert. That's DR period SCH UB I R D and finally, thank you to Jens Christian T Council of Elders member for composing some of the music you heard in this episode That's right not only is Yens a fantastic musician, they're also the owner of Yenslundell.com. Yeah. Are willing to sell the URL for the low-low price of only five Ginnaraat crystals.

I don't know, sounds like a good deal. We still have a God with that. Perhaps, yeah, maybe a nicer person than the benefactor. Definitely, that's what we should do. We're gonna give it a go. Yeah. The crystals to Yens we should do. We're going to give it a go. We're going to give it a go. Yeah.

We're going to give it a go. We're going to give it a go. We're going to give it a go. We're going to give it a go. We're going to give it a go. We're going to give it a go. We're going to give it a go. We're going to give it a go.

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We're going to give it a go. We're going to give it a go. We're going to give it a go. We're going to give it a go. We're going to give it a go. We're going to give it a go. We're going to give it a go. We're going to give it a go. We're going to give it a go. We're going to give it a go. We're going to give it a go. We're going to give it a go. We're going to give it a go. We're going to give it a go. We're going to give it a go. We're going to give it a go. We're going to give it a go. We're going to gonna go fishing afterwards. I feel high from the paint views. It does look horrible, it doesn't make us wear a mask. I'm already passed out. Keep those windows closed. Thanks y'all. Bye-bye. That was a Hate-Bum podcast.