Not Another D&D Podcast - Trinyvale LIVE in Chicago (The Dog and Pony Show)

Episode Date: January 21, 2022

The Triplets Take Chicago! In the first ever live Trinyvale, our heroes attempt to win fame, glory and sponsorship deals by participating in the prestigious 22nd Annual Dog and Pony Show! Jens dons the perfect doggy disguise, Onyx meets her social media match and Nyack draws his bow against yet another equine foe.Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!MUSIC CREDITS"Trinyvale Intro and Outro" by Emily Axford"See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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This is an exclusive offer specific to the podcast, so be sure to use the code PAPA to get your discount 100% free shipping and get it fast with brush processing. Code P-A-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, Sweeties. Hello, NAD polls. This is Caldwell, and I am so thrilled to be sharing our first ever Trinneville live show recording with you all. It was an amazing experience with an incredible audience, and I'm just so excited for everyone at home to finally get to hear it. However, before we get started, I should mention that there are a couple visual moments

during the show that might be a little hard to understand, so I'm gonna be popping in to explain what is happening. In addition, we strangely lost about a minute of audio in the second half of the show. I'm not sure what happened, but I'm gonna chime in there as well just to keep the plot moving. Other than that, the episode sounds great,

so kick back, grab some BBs, and prepare to enter the world of. Other than that, the episode sounds great, so kick back, grab some babies, and prepare to enter the world of Trinavale Live. Let's go. We are so excited to be here tonight because we actually have a very special event planned. I am about to switch seats in a second. Because for the first time ever we are doing a live trinnyvail. So please welcome your dunkel called well Tanner. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Surprise, by the way.

I hope you're ready, called well. Yeah, we just decided ahead of time. Someone gave me the idea in line, and I was like, yeah. Yeah, why not? Let me just get this notepad open real quick, huh? Happy holidays! Happy holidays, everyone! Happy holidays indeed! The holidays might, indeed. Happy holidays, indeed.

The holidays might be over, but for one more magical night, we will bring you a little Trinnovale. Trinnovale. Oh, feeling it live. I'm electrified. You're killing me with electricity. I'm pissing myself. Good evening. You were doing that before. I am your dungeon master, aka, a dunkel called Well Tanner, and I am so excited to take you to the world of Trinnovale, a world full of valiant heroes, sinister villains, and three grifters who kind of defy categorization. Ha ha ha ha ha! At least polite categorization. Ha ha ha ha ha!

Let's meet them now. First up, we have Brian Murphy. Uh, thank you, thank you. Oh! Brian Murphy. Thank you. Thank you. Jenzlin Dell, world's greatest to-do list with wowing Chicago on his to-do list. Thank you. Come on. Continue the applause. I didn't do a city-themed one.

God, you are so good at pandering. He is a shower. Team Dispinto, what's up? Let's go, come. That is a bard. And of course we have Emily Axford. Pastel got warlock in a Victorian frock. Hey Chicago. Thank you. Thank you, thank you.

Say it here. Squicked it in out of the wire there. And last but certainly not least, Jake Herwitz. Look in hot at the merriot, your boy at the bon boy of Chicago, not at the grand floor. Oh, perfect. Flalless. All totally on brand. You can say a lot about the triplets, but they are never off brand. They are PR moguls. The brand is everything.

It's my job. And you know what? Honestly, their empire is about to extend a little further because today's story begins at the 22nd annual Trinaville, Dog, and Pony show. It's a super exclusive competition to which Onyx and her moonicorn familiar Obsidian, can I hear an Obsidian? I have to get really far away from the microphone. Obsidian, no, what is that?

It's a worse when he starts arguing back with you, just leave him alone. Obsidian's cries echo across the street as you make your way towards the competition. You have of course been invited to compete in this dog and pony show. Each year the winner of this event is crowned the King of all beast, but more importantly, the owner of said winner receives a sponsorship deal for a local pet food company and that is why gins and niac are also desperate to compete as well. Yes. We need that. Yes. And it will be ours brother. Yours. And I'll have some. Exactly. I'm going in as the dog, so it will be mine. Right.

Luckily because you three recently saved the entire world on X was able to convince the competition to allow jins and niac to participate But in order to do so you will need to find a dog or pony to enter into the show or Enter yourself in jen's escape. I have polymorph Incredible so yes the next objective as we we begin our show is for you to pick your familiar, Gens are going to be polymorphine yourself into what kind of dog are you going to be? I am going to be a wire fox terrier, sort of a curly breed, white with some like brown spots. Very nice. They're the favorites normally normally, at the dog shows

that I go to. When you told me the loose idea of this, I cheated. I look at gins as I do this, and I say, obsidian, do you really want this? You don't stand at this. Yeah, this is...

I kind of got this unlocked. Are we really going to be barking up this tree? Nah. Nah. But it might be good to have someone to in there to sort of mess with the other competitors. Like maybe, you know, you brush into one of them as they're going through the rings or something like that. You're not willing to cheat.

Nah. Nah. All right. Alex, I'm okay with you Okay, so obsidian has been sideline That's all right, we've got this really glad I made that character sheet for obsidian Okay, great so Jins is a Firefox Terrier. Onyx, who are you going to participate with?

Oh, I still need someone. Obsidian. Man, man, man. Man. I think I spoke a little too, very quickly before. Man. Would you still like to be my little star? Man. All right, I go to town buffing her heolies.

Perfect. And Nyak, who will you be entering into the competition? Well, doesn't Jen's need an owner? A handler. A handler. That's the pet. Alright, yes. and Jen's need an owner? Or excuse you. A handler. A handler. That's the pet. All right, yes.

If you can't handle me at my, I'm a dog. You don't deserve me at, I'm a beautiful elf. So we'll say handler. Handler. And I'm your pet, brother. What? We'll have a leash and we can walk each other. Stop talking to me.

Okay. Just stand near me. I'm the most well-behaved dog at the show. I don't even need a leash and we can walk each other. Stop talking to me. OK. Just stand near me. I'm the most well-behaved dog at the show. I don't even need a leash. That's going to get us points with the judges right off the bat. Onyx. OK. Immediately, I feel like this is all going to go to hell. So I'm going to cast flock of familiar

to make a bunch more of this thing. What? What? Is this competition or is this my honor? I can't possibly lose control. I tried to keep an eye on what you want his chance. I know I'm just fully speaking. Hey, that's how you're ignoring me. From Jens, come back here. It's that one up there. I know it. Jen, come back here. It's that one up there, I know it. Called out, before I turn into the Firefox Terrier,

yes. Can I cast, I'd like to cast a seventh level symbol, and I don't want to tell you what it's going to do. OK. I'm going to contingency plan. It's everything goes to hell. I guess, thanks for telling me that you're not telling me. Yeah, we'll say that you have a symbol spell placed inside your collar.

I'm ready to go. Perfect. I also have some wolf stats for you if you want to use those. And how many familiar can you summon with flock of familiar? Fifth level, I think it's five. Five. Okay. Okay.

So yeah, you... This pack of wire fox terriers Oh my god, they drive away by the waters honest they're everywhere. I was tried to help They all head down the street towards where else the Mary-Od Bonvoy We got the conference room We got the conference room. This is, of course, where the show is taking place at the illustrious Mary-Od Bonvoy in Magical Downtown, Vain-Alar.

But it's the one we don't own. You don't own this one yet. This is one of the jewels in the Mary-Od collection, but not the crown jewel. That's the one that you own. It's giving us a lot of problems. So as you approach, you do see there's a security guard at the front entrance, and they say, whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, see there's a security guard at the front entrance and they say,

whoa, whoa, whoa, only one familiar per entrance. This is a lot of Firefox Terriers. They are beautiful dogs, I must say. But unfortunately, only one of them can come in. The others can cheer on that one and perhaps serve as a emotional support or something like that. Do you know what tier we are at the Merriott Bonvoy? They don't make one above diamond. Sir, that's us. Step aside, the owner of Bonvoy. My business card says

co-queen of the Merriott Bonvoy. Go ahead, give me a persuasion check. I'd like to do an intimidation check. I got a 19 on the die plus 11 becomes a furry. I don't think I'm gonna roll. We're so charismatic even though we're not. Can we say that the magic was all in how good my business card is? My son is heavy. Look at the tooth on that.

Is that courier 12 points? You got it daddy. You see that the guard thinks for a second and says, six dogs entered as one. Who am I to stand in the way of progress? Right this way. Okay. Okay, thank you, but I don't want you to think it was your decision, sir. Actually, he's giving me a really good idea.

Can all six of you form a big, wire box terrier? What? Jens, you can be the end. I was walking on the head. That's what you stand on top of each other. Like a Voltron of dogs. There you go. OK, great.

I'm just going to write down dog Voltron. Owned by Niaak? Handled. Nayak, yeah, is there for the, has the head and then Onyx is representing the rest of the body. I'm just constantly grooming. It's very confusing. So we'll say that since you're six dogs, I guess you get six times advantage on all checks. I think that's fair.

That's fair. Thank you, Don. She seems fair. All right, so you make your way into the Bonvoy. And once inside, you see that the hotel has been magically transformed into a grass-covered arena. On one side, you see a series of hoops and ramps. On the other, a set of small, gilded platforms. And in the center, you see a stage upon which a small collection of pets and their owners now mill.

Why doesn't everyone give me a perception check? I absolutely grill the other competitors. Oh my gosh, it's going on in the 18th. Dirty 20. Incredible. 27. Oh! I axis all. 15.

I'm too mad. I focus up on another wire box area. You have some sets of eyes. How do you feel? Somehow I sweat even though I'm a dog. What? Okay, so those are all still very good roles. I will say, NIAC, you with your eagle-ranger eyes,

peer beyond the crowd a little bit, and you see a table covered in a red cloth. And then, onyx, you look over and you kinda like size up all the contestants, and here is what you see. Oh, a competition. You see a middle-aged human with a teacup Yorkshire terrier, an elderly orc with a shaggy shetland pony.

You're all pal, a blav in bland foot with an enormous white boardzoi. Whoa. A boy toy? A board, a boardzoi? A boardzoi. It's a gray-hound-esque dog that's very tall and looks kind of like a dinosaur.

Oh, so cute. And you see Blavin is just having a hell of a time trying to get this thing to pay attention to it. They're both drunk. Burger boy, please. Burger boy. You get the sense that the Bortzoys name is Burger Boy. Burger. With my 27.

And you do see one more person. It's an incredibly well-dressed, moon folk Asomar woman with pink and green hair accompanied by what appears to be some sort of enormous horse dog hybrid. It's got the head of a golden retriever and the body of a Clyde stale. This is cheating. Only where allowed to cheat.

It's beautiful. Okay. What? It pants loudly, shakes its mane, and lets all the loud, naying bark. New York, New York, New York. Majestic. I...

Jens wants to... Can I go to the bathroom and change it to this? No, I'm not. Are you gonna burn another... I'm gonna burn another one. Yeah. They actually have polymorph stalls in the bathroom. This is fine. If you guys could go re-register me, I'll be right back.

I just have to go to the dog bathroom. You shouldn't go alone. You shouldn't go alone. Right. Okay. Leave the other wire fox areas here. Go, go. Okay. I go and I turn it into this thing.

You just completely copy it. I just literally the exact same one. Oh, this is even better than the original. They're going to think they copied you. So you do this? I would like to approach this ASMR. Oh, yes, you can do that. I will say as you do that, can you make a history check for me?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Cool, thanks. 17. 17, great. This is Tormelina Evershine. And her horse dog, the Unwavering Brilliance. She is an extremely popular content creator

from the big moon of Trinavale. Jens, I am getting fined with jealousy. I do this all the time, you just need electrolytes. I pour some powder into a water and shake it up. As a lion dog? Horse dog, sorry. Actually, Onyx, you two follow each other on social media and have met once or twice

at various parties. And you see that as Jin's emerges from the bathroom, she gives kind of a curious, what? Look, and then notices you and waves hops on her horse dog and gallops over to you. Onyx! Oh my god is that you? I hide obsidian. Shatap. Shatap.

I didn't realize you'd be here, but as an empath, I had a feeling you might be. Genes tries not to vomit. Zarmaline, oh that's so crazy you're here. Did you get invited or did you like kind of just like have to fill out paperwork? Well they reached out to me first. The email I got said that I was the first person they were reaching out to. What did you all email say? We pitched the idea. We came up with the idea so we actually were We did get the email. We did this show. We sent the email. You got, you got our first email then.

Did you get the email from us? I am the one who sent you this email. I was testing you to see what you had dealt with the truth. We said everyone was number one by the way. It's so funny that you felt for that. We sent us the emails all at the same time. I told you guys that was going to work. Yeah. Yeah. It's so funny that you've held for that, honestly. Please, that's our females, I'll at the same time. I told you guys, that was gonna work. That's crazy. I said, when you get bailed, that's like, you're a big winner. Do you read it?

And you're like, this is awesome. I'm gonna sign up for this kind of car. That's amazing. That's so interesting of you. That's awesome. That's amazing. Yeah, you must vote for a lot of fans. That's super cute of you.

Did you do that? Can I bet your turtle? Yeah. Yeah, is that such a cute turtle? Does yours talk? Do you know? Do you know? Do you know? Does your turtle? Yeah, is that such a cute turtle? Does yours talk? Do you know? Doesn't talk. I was actually going to ask why yours talks.

That's very strange. Oh, because it's awakened. You can just ask me. Why do I don't know? I went to... I think... I'm right here. Yeah.

Really? They usually talk, is yours broken? Yeah, you might end naive. You might like your thing. Oh, New York's, but we actually just end for our friends. We're just friends. I'm sorry, I see someone I know over there. Blavin!

Blavin! Anyway, it's like so expensive to get your animal away because I've paid so much for getting money. I was so expensive. So is this your host dog? Is that obsidian over there? It is yeah, obsidian is actually enter does a antler Yeah, obsidian brought five

Man, it's honestly a bit it's a bit overdone at this point. Thank you so much, my pet. So you'll just as spectate to them. I am... No, we're friends. Yeah, we are friends. We are friends. Yeah, actually because we invented the thing. Yeah.

Instead of just having one handler and one dog, they can have two handlers, but that are just friends with the dog, of course. Well, listen. Are you not getting this? It seems, it feels like we're talking a lot, and there's a lot more interesting people to be talking to. It's hard. Because if you're not around this kind of thing all the time,

you're obviously, you know, you're kind of new to that. Yeah. Is this your first one that you've ever been to? I've never been to a hotel. That's so fun. Can I start up, did you see how many followers she has compared to me. Yeah, do you want to like quickly look at your phone?

Yeah, just so quickly. Go for it. Just let me go real quick, Jack, my bank account. They're surging as always. It looks like I'm what I can see. I'm going to do a quick roll. Hold on. OK, 72,000 more followers than you.

We've been doing a social media cleanse. It's actually, it's more about engagement. It's more about engagement. That's true. It's all fucking bats. I know. It's all bats. It's all bats. I love this for you.

Two handlers that's so brave. I love that. That's just really forward. That's not really. That's not brave. It's actually cowardly. Look at this. 80,000 likes. Seven comments. There's just really forward. That's not brave. It's actually cowardly because that's 80,000 likes seven comments There's something wrong there very often here And it's all just really generic like it could be on any picture

This one says follow my only fans That's just an ad You see that blabbing has been like trying to get your attention this whole time. Hey, I'm here. Oh, yes. Good to see you. I love you so much. I have to go, bye-bye.

OK. You see that the board's already like Lixim so hard he falls over. And before anyone can help Blavin, you hear a loud booming voice, fill the room, and you look over and see the announcer, a gnome and a lavish blue tuxedo, address the crowd. Good evening Trinvail and welcome to the 22nd annual Dog and Pony Show. I am your host and judge Hayden Valano and I cannot wait to see who will be crowned this year's King of all beasts. But before we

can do that, we have to introduce our contestants. So everyone, please roll initiative. Whoa. All right. All right. Are we just going in as, as Jen's or you are? Just Jen's. Do you need backup? I can summon you back up.

I go, I have enough stereers. I have enough. Oh, that's a 14 for NIAC. 14, all right. Seven for Onyx. I got a 24. 17 for Onyx. 17 for Onyx.

I started doing the track as soon as the guy started announcing. I tried to bounce to my main bounces perfectly. You roll for some other folk troquette? I got a Nat 20 per Blavins initiative, great. He's feeling very loose. Feel free to keep milling while I roll initiative. Okay, so, um, Jens. Yes.

Okay, so it's kind of all on your shoulders right now. That's fine. I know. Yes. OK, so it's kind of all on your shoulders right now. That's fine. I know. Is there anything either of us can do to help? I think if you could make the other dogs and ponies look really bad. Niac draws his bow.

Oh, Jen can make one of these. I can make one of these dogs look really bad, brother. I'm so close, maybe I should disguise myself as Thor Malina and really confuse her first dog. Yes, that's the type of thing I think we're really good at. See, because we know that I'm going to nail it, what we want to do is prevent other people from nailing it. It does seem like the hard dog is our biggest threat. Yes. I was upset when I saw that horse dog. Yeah, it's because we have a horse dog that talks. Right, so surely, yeah. We just had to hope that judges don't think it's unsettling.

Has anyone been to a dog show before? Is there certain things like big junk or some things that we'll give? Yes. Yes. Can I do a perception check on the judges? I wanna know who I'm trying to impress. There's one judge, it's the gnome and the texedo.

So yeah, go ahead and give me a perception check. Yeah, I wanna know his vibe, which I, actually, that's a 17. 17, whose vibe is kind of like a Ryan Seacrest announcer type, just like, kind of, this is like his whole thing. You're seeing everything right now. So actually completely impossible to read. Just like Slate, not the human being. You wish you just say that we like kind of generic stuff

that doesn't, you can't tell why people are into it, but. OK, I will minor illusion, they sublime tattoo. Honestly. So just so I have it clear, Jins, you're a horse dog and your handlers, Niaq, right? But also Onyx. And also Onyx.

And then... Well, it would be good to maybe get Obsidian and they're making you look really good. Obsidian actually has Obsidian's own of five dogs. Yeah, Obsidian is the handler of the five dogs. Correct. Five terriers. All right, well, you see that the announcer has everyone

lined up after they rolled initiative, and he introduces everyone. First up, we have Jinslandell, the horse dog. Woo! Woo! Jinsland Del, the horse dog. Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

Whoo! And his handlers, Nyak and Onyx. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Next, we have Blavin' Blanford and his Bortzoy burger boy. Ha!

Boom! Boom! Boom! I try to get a boo started. Boom! You see the announcer points to the middle-aged human? Jeff, and his Yorkshire Terrier, Jeff. Jeff Soak's.

Jeff Soak's. And, basically, Jeff is so high, really. Whoa. Jeff Soak? Does anyone else feel like that? Yeah. Why didn't we notice? No one clocked Jeff when we walked in?

Oh, hi. Jeff is going to be our undoing of our clothing. If you know what I mean, I know Jeff. I know what Jeff wants to do. I see Jeff. And, be our undoing of our clothing. If you know what I mean. I know Jeff. I know what everyone's saying. Hi. I see Jeff and clearly he's on the ball. It's a pleasure to relax.

It's a pleasure to compete with you. I'm Jeff. This is my dog, Jeff. My god, he's. The Jeffs are a prop. Our prop. Our cat. That's Matt.

Dirt. Dripping with charisma. Jeff is wearing blue jeans in a t-shirt that says Jeff on it. Oh shit. Jen's just gonna go into the bathroom again. And come back out as Jeff the dog. That's three four-level spells of him. Oh, confusing.

It seems the horse dog is now another Yorkshire terrier. This is the first Yorkshire terrier. The Jeff's dog is kind of a monster. My name's Jeff. What's that dog's name? Jeff's Lindell is my name. You said it wrong. But if you want to make it up to me in the judges' box,

that's fine with me. Understood, I hate this. Next up, we have Arlene and her Shetland pony, Lady Hallepinho. You see, that's a good name. That is a really good name. I could start spending fifth-level spells, but we're gonna start. I... Nayak wants to cast Hunter's Mark on Ileaf. Arleaf.

Okay. Hi, I feel strange. There's a tingle. Hello, young man. Hey, Carl, we'll hear just letting you know that at this moment, I believe Jake is Hello young man! Hey, Carl will here, just letting you know that at this moment I believe Jake is flipping me off on stage. Okay, back to the show. Keep walking, I lean. Ah, I'm fluent in Trinneville sign language, but that doesn't look like any sign I know.

No, it's pure bent up being. I know. No, it's pure bent up. And last we've got Tormalina Evershine in her horse dog hybrid, the unwavering brilliance. Just a really sorry message. Hello, lovely. Yes. Oh, you see that Tormalina gives the horse dog a big kiss and then discreetly wipes her lips with a Chorox bleach wipe. Oh my God.

Oh my God. Oh my God. She is secretly a dog hater. Then she does a really fake smile. Oh. Now, it's almost. Maybe we should be friends with her. She seems kind of cool.

Interesting. Jess. Can you help us take down the problem? Jess is a problem. Wow, it's so great to be here. Interesting Wow, it's so great to be here. I just love dogs love seeing them. Holy shit. Go out there and stretch their stuff He's so goddamn down to earth. He's just a dude. Whoa look at that another Yorkshire. Hey, he's happy to see me Hey little fella, thank you, but thank you to there's there. I like Jeff Jeff this is crazy, but like you. Thank you, Jeff. Thank you, Jeff. I like Jeff. Jeff, this is crazy, but like, are you going somewhere after? Like maybe the hotel bar at the Marriott Bungoy.

Yeah, I was going to go to the nearest 7-11 and find some soup and then heat it up. I can work with that. Jeff lifts his eyebrow. heated up. I can work with that again. Jeff lives as eyebrow. Onyx, you've got this. Now it is almost time for the competition to begin, but first, let's unveil this year's prizes.

Hayden snaps his fingers and the red cloth, pfff, covering the table, disappears, revealing a majestic crown made of bones and antlers with the words number one cutie engraved into it. Holy shit. Brother, that's yours. It's yours by right, brother. It was made for me. Thanks had to die to make it and it says cutie on it. LAUGHTER

Don't look at it, Jeff. Well, that thing looks pointy, sharp. The crown is surrounded on all sides by thick tubes of goo labeled doggerts. That's right. Not only will the winner of this year's show be crowned King of all beast, they'll also become the new public face of doggers. OK. All right, public face.

I'm going to eat any dough. As long as you don't have to eat it, I'm happy to sell it. The only yogurt for dogs and horses. That can't be OK for anyone. That makes sense. We need cow milk. Exactly. Wow, you've read the tube.

I'd make a good sponsor with it. Makes sense. They'll also be given a free year supply of dogerit variety packs for those counting. That's over 3,000 tubes. We can sell those. Obsidian, have you tried dogerit? No.

Do you want to? No. We're going to steal some doger for Obsidian. Great. This show is now a heist. Just a little bit of doger, dude. Without further ado, let's have the competition begin! First up is the agility course.

You see Hayden points towards a series of ramps, cones, and tubes. At the end of the course, you see a large hoop which suddenly catches on fire. Here's how this is going to work. Going in initiative order, I want everyone to tell me what they're going to do to help their pet run through the agility course.

Yes. This is going to lose your concentration and be the agility course. Yes. This is gonna lose your concentration and be a naked man on fire. I'm not going to be naked. I'm not going to be naked necessarily. I was wearing a silk robe when I cast it. Why did you judge it that bad? I was wearing a very short silk robe when I cast this.

So decent. I'm decent, everyone. Here's the problem. I'm less agile as Jeff's than I am as Jen's. Do you think if I just turned into Jen's and the searcher back into Jeff's at the end, that anyone would notice? Okay, I love that. I was going to maybe do something to help with your agility. Oh, is that right?

All right. Yes, as Jeff's handler, you will have an opportunity to aid Jeff's before he tackles the course. The way this is going to work is we're going to go down the initiative and everyone is going to get a chance to aid their pet in some way. You can either cast a spell or do an animal handling check to try and give them an advantage. And then we're going to all roll our agility checks together and the highest score will

be the winner of the course. So starting at the top of the order is Jeff's. You are a participant, but you also have magic spells. So, oh yes. Is there anything you'd like to do? Technically, I mean, with popcorn, but technically not even a lot of dog, but we've thrown out that other one down.

That'd be a bad show, though. Yeah, sure, if I just didn't speak, though, time to say it. It may be better. Certain concessions have to be made. Can I, would you let me cast a spell as a dog? Yeah, let you cast a spell as a dog. It's cool. I know that a lot of the other dogs probably Would you let me cast a spell as a dog? Yeah, let you cast a spell as a dog.

You're cool. I know that a lot of the other dogs probably have really low HP, so I'm gonna cast a third level sleep. What? What? What? What?

What? Okay. Now that basically creates a net for a certain number of characters below certain HP. I roll their HP. Okay. Could you look up, sleep on your thing? So I'll get the exact amount of.

I will look up, sleep on my thing. Please look it up on your thing. Thank you so much. Don't get as obsidian because I have plans for it. No, I'm not gonna get obsidian. Okay, Spellson, Screacher's into a magical slumber. Roll 5d8, the total is how many points, uh, creatures, this is fucking a fact. But it's the inverse rule, because it's at third level.

So I'm gonna do 70-8. Okay, but then you split it up, so like, it doesn't, it doesn't do it to everyone. You know what, I don't wanna do this math on stage. All the pets are asleep. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha Wow, so unprofessional. Actually, I will say all of the pets except for the unwavering breath. So I thought that might happen. So yes, you see that Jeff the dog falls asleep. We make him over rest in the Jeff. Let's start sweating again.

Come on, buddy. Wake up. What's going on, Jeff? Jeff, Jeffy. Jeffy, no. Jeffy's gone. Call it Jeff. Go to 7-Eleven and have your soup Jeff. You tried to play with the big boys and the bomb boy Jeffy. You can fucking knock it.

Could you Jeff? I'll be through this, I will. I was gonna split the soup with Jeff. Jeffy, it's a food Jeff. Why don't we call you a lift, Jeff? Yeah. Yeah, so you see that Lady Helipenio and Burger Boy also fall asleep.

You see the blaven falls asleep too, for some reason. I don't know if you have cast anything on you. I have a heart on his mouth. You cast that one on yourself, blaven. Oh, the terrier is also fall asleep. You cast that one on yourself, love. Oh, the terriers also fall asleep. You've obsidian looks crushed. OK. I'm really going to disappear as soon as I take my turn anyways.

OK. Great. So yes, this is going to be a roll off then between brilliance and Jeff's the dog. All right. What am I doing, just acrobatics? Oh, yes, sorry. This can be acrobatics or athletics, your choice. OK, I have to do this as the dog.

I can't reveal myself yet. Gotta use your dog stance. Oh, they're not good. OK, all right. No, I'll roll fine. Trust me. Ready? Yeah.

Are you guys ready for this? Do it. Yeah. Is everyone ready for me to roll sub eight? Yeah. Well, I got a nine. Oh, my God. In your base Chicago. So back off Chicago.

Yeah. And with my modifier, that's an 11. Yo. Wow. So go easy. Yeah. And with my modifier, that's an 11. Yo! So go easy. That's double digits, baby. You see that Tormalina was like about to conjure a spell. She had like a whole thing prepared.

But then she sees Jev's, the competition. She's like, it's not a fact you know, I'll just save that up for next time. And then she, whoop, sends brilliance through the course. Whop, whop, whop, you see, do-do-do-do-do galloping. New York, New York, New York. Is he saying New York?

New York, New York, New York. It sounds like me. Yeah. Yeah, he makes his way through the course flawlessly. Does not get singed at all by the flaming hoop. And the first round goes to Brilliant. Boo. Boo.

I tell you something. Jeff's isn't barking New York. Jeff's barking Chicago! Chicago! Chicago! I get a microphone and I put it to Jeff's mouth. Chicago! Chicago!

Chicago! See him pump to the ass! Woo! After Brilliant finishes the course, you see the Tourmalina pulls out her phone and says, Hello, my lovely Zichibesti Tourmalina as well as my bestie Brilliant's, we're coming to you live from the Trinifale Dog and Pony show where my baby has just won the

agility course. He couldn't have done it without my special ever-shine CBD wellness lotion. I put it on his calves every night before he goes to bed. They rejected me. I tried to put this sponsor check. They rejected me. All these, all these, I love getting dog's eye. All these comments are in Russian.

Something's up. What? Link in the bio, sweetie. Skubar. Let's just pretend that we have sponsors. OK. OK. All right, dig out my phone.

Hi, I'm a talking dog. My name's Jeff. The other Jeff thought he died. Drink Coke Chicago. I ship my stuff. Perfect. Perfect. Actually, that's really good. Naya, could you do something That's it. Yeah, perfect. Perfect, actually.

That's really it. Nia, could you do something you're much better for to Instagram? Nia just takes a shirt off and says, drink coke. Oh, the engagement! Don't share him. Give me a pure luck check. Gladly. It would be nice. Please.

It's an 11. Okay. Ooh. You guys said you famous, we love 11s here, right? That's one above average, remember? The city of 11s. You see that you get a comment from Coke VP, and it just says, please stop.

Okay, but that's engagement. That's just the VP. Talk to me when you're the P, bro. Yeah. Oh, look at that, Tormelina, a real comment. Oh, wow. This is a verifiable real person. Look, I'm going to blue check mark.

How many check marks do you have commenting on your stuff? I have a big following in Eastern Europe and Russia. It's very, it's a thriving place. I and Russia. It's a thriving place. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it.

I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it.

I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. You are here to break that woman's phone. Ha-ha-ha! Yeah, you look at Tormelinas phone, and you fucking hate it.

You hate the case, you hate the fact that it isn't cracked at all. You hate everything about it, and you send a city into destroy it for no reason other than the fact that you're spiteful. Ha-ha-ha! Happy? Listen, I have a plan.

OK, but I have a spell to guess on you do you yeah, I have a double plan then I think we can do both What is McDonald's rules the more the more patties the better Famous McDonald's rules. They should sponsor us. Don't say another good thing about McDonald's anything else Anything else because I'll say the same thing about Burger King or Wendy's. OK? Here, so I think we should, since we lost already, the first competition, but the wire fox terriers are still in it, right?

That's true, because I was going to gas fly on you, and the second I do, they go away, but we can keep them. So here's my thought. I've wanted to compete in this myself, but I have to use these garbage, Jeff's stats. What if I just cast greater invisibility on myself and bury a dog through the courts? LAUGHTER I love that.

Is he used perfect? And I will go ahead and cast mass suggestion to try to get everyone on your side? Okay, so you see that like one of the wire terriers just kind of whoop Bounce is away. I yeah just Jeff's is gone. Yeah, nobody seems to notice that this has happened They're all paying attention to Hayden who is awarding a point This has happened. They're all paying attention to Hayden, who is awarding a point to Tormelina and Brilliant's. And then he introduces the next round, which is, of course, the grooming round.

Get ready to make a fuss with your brushes, everyone. Baaah! You see that Hayden snaps his fingers again, gestures to the golden pedestals, which now have scissors, combs, and various brushes positioned around them. So how this is going to work is once again, we're going to go down the list. Everyone's going to get a chance to buff their pet in some way. And then we're all going to roll a sleight of hand

check together to see how well you are able to style. You're familiar. Let's get started, Jeffs. That's you. OK. Well, Jeffs is gone. Now I'm just invisible floating dog. I'm making the dog move gracefully.

Oh wow, Jeff, can you do that? That's incredible. And I'm gonna cast Barty Gensperation, or I'm gonna do Barty Gensperation on NIAC and then a second later I'll do a non-ox and then I'll also do Barty Gensperation on Niaq, and then a second later I'll do it on Onyx, and then I'll also do it on the dog. Ha-ha-ha. Okay, Barty Gensperation for all of them,

you see that Blavin is standing next to Burger Boy, and for some reason he just brushes his teeth. Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha. I forgot to do this earlier. Ha-ha-ha. Did we underestimate Blabbering? He won't go up at least.

Yeah. And then you see that Jeff puts a cute little bow in Jeff's hair, scratches his ears, and just says, oh, you're going to earn that suit, buddy. I love you. Oh my God. All right, no matter what, brilliance can't win. If we have to lose, we're going to lose to Jeff and Jeff. I'm ready to lose something to Jeff.

I ain't getting even though he did not hear me. You see that Jeff licks a little soup out of his mustache? Oh my God. Don't worry, we'll get that Onex that is your turn if you would like to hit on Jeff or cast a spell. It's up to you Help the Firefox's terrier I am going to just try to do a Maygen to help Jens in case the Firefox Terrier senses how truly bad of a person he is and tries to run away. So I'm just

there as like support. I'll do an insight check for the Firefox Terrier to see if it has kind of that dog six sense about when people suck. Can I do a deception check to pretend not to suck? Yeah, contested roll here with me. Yeah, okay. But with advantage, because I'm making it. I already have really good deception. I got a 27. Nice.

That's very good. The wire fox got a 19, which is impressive. The wire fox is really trying to suss out whether you suck or not. But what do you do to prove that you don't suck? What do I do to, I'm just moving it around too much and I think it can't properly think. We're doing, we're spinning around. Stop coughing.

That's clearly sick. What? You are summoned. Why are you ill? I, so what did you do to this thing? I was. And sometimes if you're like in a certain mood when you summon creatures, they like take it on

and I was feeling sick. Come on. Ha, ha. Yeah, they look a little lost in transition. You see that Arlene paints a beautifully shaded minion on Lady Halopino's flank. I love those little yellow guys. Easier on Thursdays, Mark's still active.

It is. It is. Right. And finally, you see Tor Malina pulls out her phone and snaps a picture for her Trinstagram story. She snaps a picture of, hmm. I think she's gonna snap a picture of burger boy because that's funny to me. She captions it, trying so hard, it's almost cute.

And then toggles to a filter labeled polymorph. Whoa. OK, can we just say, is this girl just shit-ducked a dog? Am I wrong? No, she did, yeah. So Burger Boy is going to need to make a wisdom saving throw. Burger Boy Reddit? That is a seven burger boy fails and is transformed

into a statue made of butter. What? That's ultimately good for us. Yeah, it is. I was thinking this thing. Trust, it's better to be a statue than a dog owned by Blavin. I'm gonna do a check to see if Blavin notices. That's an 11.

Blavin is just kind of like abs and mindfully petting the butter. That's an 11. A lot of them. A lot of them. But I mean, it's just kind of like abs and mind of the petting the butter. Good boy. Good boy. Okay, so that is everyone. Let's see. Wait, I didn't go. Oh, right.

Nia, I'm so sorry. Thank you. Can I cast who's performing well? Just brilliance. Yeah, great. I want to, I want to use a jam point and cast grease on brilliance. And that's on top of that. Just make brilliance like a greasy ugly little, that's great.

Um, yeah, you do that. I'll say that you time it so that the grease is going to trigger. Like, right, as they're stepping onto the pedestal to be judged. Great. So I will say that you're going to impose disadvantage on the sliding hand roll. Yeah. Oh my god, that thing is greasy. That's abuse.

That's abuse. I say it's an invisible person. Moving the dog's mouth, pretending that I'm still a dog. Oh, wait, I thought we got this fixed. I thought we had this untold brilliance. We've been to the vet several times about this condition. She starts furiously trying to scrub it off. The grease just gets worse and worse.

Ooh. I'm going to quickly roll animal handling checks for Jeff's and Arlene to see if they manage to impose advantage on their rolls. That is at 12 and 11. They absolutely do not. OK, so why doesn't everybody roll me a slide of hand check? Everyone competing.

And I'll roll with disadvantage for Brilliant. Am I competing? Yeah, we are the groomers. Great. 17. 17. OK, great. 32.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. I make it look like the wind is going through this, um, uh, wire fox areas hair. All right, I'm gonna roll, uh, for, uh, Jeff the dog and Lady Halloween year to see if they get an at 20, but otherwise you just automatically win. The best kind of win. Um, yeah, they got a seven and an 11. They shout out to that chain of stores. Uh, it's been brought up a lot.

Not until they pay us, I'll say the same thing about an exon at a show. You just unprompted get a message on your Tristogram from 7-11 VP that says, please no. What are we going to do with that? VPs. VPs need to get a fucking life. Yes. Speaking of VPs, we can bring this to BP.

OK? If we can get the VP of BP on this? VP of BP? Look at this. We got 7-Eleven. We're trolling them. We got their ear. So, Jens, you receive the point for the grooming round.

There you go. Of course. you receive the point for the grooming round. There you go. Cheers. I high five invisible gems. So loud, smack. Even though it just looks like... The score is all tied up, brilliant S1, and Jeff's, your name is still Jeff's? Sure, why not? You're Jeff's, your name is still Jeff's? Sure, why not?

You're Jeff's? Yes. Oh, wow. It seems like it's much harder for you to talk now. Sure is. It's copying at the same time. Please, please don't do that if it hurts you. I'm fine, I think.

I was sick before I got here. I don't know how. No, it's okay. Funny. I really have to work on my summoning. The dog is coughing and talking at the same time, somehow. Well, that's just great. You see that Hayden treats it like it's

but funny, anecdotes that the dog has said. Well, it's been an amazing competition so far, and it's only getting better, because up next, we've got the talent portion! Woo! Yeah! Okay! This is good. This is really good. I'm very talented. But are you a good puppeteer because that's kind of what you're doing?

I'm a... I arguably puppeteer every social interaction that I have. So, yes. What? I arguably puppeteer every social interaction that I have. So, yes. So I want to be... What is tragic when you're like, how exhausted you must be when you go to sleep every night? You act like you're like, of course, no one's gonna like you, so you have to pretend. And then you're like, oh, I'm just a big dummy going like this, so that people laugh and like me. Oh. Wow, that dog is troubled.

I'm saying this super loudly. This is canceling out my voice, right? We're just hearing in your head. Now I want everyone to describe the acts that you and your pet are putting on. And afterwards, we'll have everyone roll a performance check together. Highest roll will win the competition. We are starting at the top of the order once more. That is going to be Jens. All right. Does anyone have any ideas? Okay, I am going to just cast my eighth level glibness until the spell ends for the next hour. Every charisma check I make,

I can replace it with a roll of 15. Additionally, no matter what I say, no magic can determine whether or not I'm telling the truth. You see that Tormalina looks to you and says, oh, Onyx, how is your Trininstagram doing? How many followers do you have? Nine million. You see that she like clinches her fist a little bit. Love that for you. Me fucking too. Are you still on Instagram? You don't do Trick Talk.

Yeah. Sorry when you said followers. No, no, no, no, I love that my parents are on Instagram. I bet they didn't follow you It's crazy because it's like such a good way to funnel people back to Trinstagram is when you're super popular on tic-tac Yes, no, I do trick trucks where I lip sync to Marvel movies. It's very popular Yeah, I've seen some like that, not you, but kind of everyone.

I just change a bunch of outfits. Go ahead, give me an intimidation check. Can I help? Yeah. Standing momentarily. It's just with my bow and arrow. I rolled two aides, but intimidation is charisma. So it's automatically a 15.

There you go. So 21. 21. I'm going to say that Tormalina is going to have disadvantage on her next role. She's visibly shaken. So that is going to be, let's see here. Oh, Jeff that. Visibly shaken. So that is going to be, let's see here. Oh, Jeff's turn.

You see that Jeff whistles in a very beautiful tone. And you see that Jeff the dog stands up on his hind legs and dances in a circle and then bows. Wow. That was really good. Yeah. That was beautiful. Wait, I just realized we did not go up on show.

I actually have an idea. Okay, is everyone ready? Yeah. All right, I put out a little boombox. Or rather, the dog puts out a boombox, right? The dog with his paw hits play. I magically make a door up here with a a bunch of locks on it like complicated locks This is part magic show part dance

Obsidian you are the magicians assistant. Yes, please Who let the dogs out church plan Obsidian just kind of bucks But it goes who let the dogs out? I, I let myself out. And then the dog very complicatedly picks several locks. And then jumps out of the door, jumps through the door, and does he have the same dance that Jeff did. But then does a backflip at the end, and flips off Jeff.

Your lips just got here. This is like a preview of our Vegas show. That's pretty good. That's pretty good what you just did. Then you see that, oh, Burger Boy, Barks really loudly and somehow jumps 10 feet into the air. Whoa, okay. Oh, wait, no, no, no, Burger Boy is still butter. So Burger Boy is doing it.

That's a good, that was worried about that gray, gray hams cubes. And then let's see, Nia, cause there's anything you want to do in your turn. Actually, on X, no, you, on X, you just want, Nia, cause there's anything you want to do. Yes, I'd like to cast spike growth. OK.

Good Lord. Yes. On who? On what? I feel kind of bad, but I want to do it on Arlene's fucking. Oh, I do have a bonus action. I'm going to do a hex blade curse Arlene. Yeah.

So I'm going to cast spike growth blade curse Arlene. Yeah Okay, I'm okay. I'm gonna spike growth on our like in the area where Arlene's animal is Really smart. Yeah. Oh, no I'm so sorry. I don't know why you released your fucking dog there Arlene. It's a shetland pony. I It's so small It's a Shetland pony. Oh, it's so small. That was really odd. You hear the audience turning against you.

I am fully on Niaxite. This is excellent. Is this your first dog in ponies or? Well, yes, I've been doing the local circuits for years and years. Oh, OK. And I finally made it to the piss time. Years and years, but not enough experience to not release your phone in two spikes. Yeah.

You should really be staying at a hilt in Arlene. LAUGHTER You see that Arlene is ignoring you because she's talking to Jeff. Oh, are you doing anything after this? I was thinking about going to get some soup in the park if I could push her into this bike. Oh, are you doing anything after this? I was thinking about going to get some soup in the park. If I could push her into this bike.

LAUGHTER OK, so spike growth. Does that do damage or is it just rough terrain? Oh, it does. It's like every five feet. People take 2-4 minutes. Yeah, it is. It's a difficult terrain and it does take 2-4 piercing damage.

2-5. Every five feet that it travels. Imagine if you will, a pony walking on a pricker bush. I don't want to imagine that. You should have put shoes on this pool. Arlene. Yeah, do you know if they make like sneakers for ponies? Oh yes, I have those.

They're called shoes. You see that brilliance is wearing a pair of shoes Holy shit Okay, don't light up go ahead and roll the damage. Okay, how many how many feet did Arlene's Well, you see that lady jalapeno Two fours two fours on the D4 already her name is lady jalapeno Lady jalapeno was going to to count to 10 with her hooves. So not a ton of movement, but I will say that enough to trigger the spikes for sure.

Okay, let's just say it's let's 12 damage. I'm sorry. Have you guys ever been to a fucking competition before? Someone wins. I'm gonna cast. I love animals. I'm gonna cast. Oh my god, Jake versus another horse. He was a dog when you started. I'm gonna cast Healing Word on Lady Hallopino, and I'm gonna say run, run away, run away now. You see Lady Hallopino thinks about about running but it's brave and stays Okay Now I'm not gonna heal you next time now you're just in the middle of spikes

And now you're just this is what you've done to yourself at this point. I tried I tried everybody roll a performance check for me This episode of NAD pod has brought to you by Bird Dogs. There are company that makes pants and shorts, so no matter where you fall and the age old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered. Now we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's gonna be difficult. Luckily Bird Dogs has made the decision of which pants and shorts to choose a side, it's gonna be difficult. Luckily, Bird Dogs has made the decision

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You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay, that's it for me, go team pants, and enjoy the show. Keep in mind everybody has you guys have a birding inspiration. Nice. Six, but it turns into a fifteen. the show. 17. My two actually becomes a one. Pretty cool. Roll you party. I got a 33. We'll say that Jins you're rolling for Jeffs and then Onyx and Niaq you can be rolling for the Terrier.

So we'll take Onyx's roll. I will say that Lady Elapino rolled a nat 20. Holy shit. Okay. So I think that- Now would you not yield the horse? Nah, yeah, I'm with you. I made a mistake, okay?

We all agree, I made a mistake. I'm really a horse more of a pony, right? You just see that I ever got to mention We all agree, I made a mistake. I'm really a horse, more of a pony, right? And you just see that I ever got to mention, Tormalina, for her performance, she does put on a pair of shoes on brilliance, and then cast Fly on the Shoves. I counter it, down there's foul. Yeah.

Great. You counter it. I'm not being gonna roll because I think that with the NAT 20, this round is gonna go to Lady Helipenio. So we are all tied up as we enter this next round. This next round is very special. It is going to be an audience participation round. I'm going to go down the list of contestants and you are going to applaud for your favorites, and the winner will get something special. I'm honestly worried. Maybe if we add in the or is everybody. So we're going to say Chicago. Let's go White Sox. What are you doing? Or Cubs! Or Cubs!

That's so disingenuous. Stop! I love Blake Michigan. And the bean fam. I mean, come on. I googled this place. All right, so let me, we'll start at the top with Jeff's, the dog, piloting by Jen.

This Jeff's. This Jeff's. This Jeff's the dog piloting the game this Jeff's Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Woo! And then, just for fun, we'll follow it up with Jeff the Dog. Down. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! for Lady Halapeno. You want to put it in again? Okay. Rest in peace. A bunch of terriers.

Burger Boy, aka Butter Boy. I feel like some of y'all are voting twice. Brilliant's the dog horse. No. And just for fun, Jeff the dog again. He's good. He's good. Oh, wow. You just love to see that.

Oh. OK, I'm going to Niaq. I think Arlene needs to die for me to move my expert curse to Jack. I can make that happen. So you see, yeah, Hayden tallies this up. It seems now the score is Brilliant's won, Jins won, Lady Halapino won, and Jeff the dog won. Is your applause don't mean you're broken?

Folks, it all comes down to this. We've been having a lot of fun here today, but it's all been just lead up to our final event. Please put your hands, paws, and hooves together for everyone's favorite part of the show, The Battle Royale! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! All right? All right, this is fine. Oh! You see that the audience goes nuts. Flames erupt along the perimeter of the arena.

Heavy metal door shut over all the exits. Blavin wakes up long enough to put a leather vest on Butterboy. Arlene steps, putting... Arlene puts some horse armor on Lady Halapino, and Jeff Hans dog Jeff a sword. LAUGHTER Whoa. Jeff, did you make that sword yourself?

Oh, yeah, I do blacksmithing as a hobby a little bit. Oh, fuck, I knew you're so my type. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Do you want to see my forge? Ha, ha, ha. Yeah, but after I kill you. Ha, ha, ha. You see, Arlene makes evil eyes at you.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. Bad. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Jeff is ours. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Um, so the way this is going to work, the pets are going to fight. It's non-lethal damage folks. Don't worry, not on lethal damage here.

It's Pokemon. Everyone plays. It's Pokemon. It's not all non-lethal. Speak for yourself. But this is a closed arena. So anything goes, folks. Everyone's in the initiative order. We are going to start with Jin's sweet okay so I need to still

pretend to be the dog right you do you do indeed okay so I'm going to bring this dog over to brilliance but then just start slashing at brilliance with the sword as an invisible person. So I'll do first attack. Great. That's a natural one. 27 on the second attack. Good. That'll do.

Another natural one on the opposite. Oh. Sweet. And then I will do, I will use the Rebecca Ning Void, my sword, to do a divine flourish and I'll do that at I really don't like brilliance. I'm gonna do it. You get out of here.

You're saying you're gonna. I'm gonna do it at a fifth level. Holy shit. Yeah. Alright, so D6 plus 5D8. Ooh. Roll it up, friends. It's awesome. It's got semi-pastels. Thank you. Can I have some more? Yeah, all right, so D6 plus 5D8 Roll it up friends Thank you. Can I have some more? Yeah, one more

Pack these dice for a reason 36 damage Wow And I also get to do a performance check with that. Oh, yes if you make the source dance that's a 28 good lord, so then I'll do auto zero-resistible dance on brilliance Wow Okay, do they get a chance to save or is that next round? That's at that's on their turn. Okay cool So yeah, you see that brilliance still wearing their shoes starts to sport night dancing in the air

Oh, my God. Wait, this might actually get them some points. The crowd is into it, they love it. Did you use your parting expression already? I did, yeah, just to go like so far. I can't put you in that one. And before going any further, I realized, Nike, we forgot to roll on the jam table for you.

Can you go and give me a dice roll? And if you're roll a one, an effectful trigger. Great. Oddly enough, I rolled a one. Fuck it! Fuck yeah! I knew you guys coming! I felt it!

I wrote this guy to a table. I felt it. I wrote this god damn like a year ago three years ago god damn almost and now I finally get to roll on it I'm very excited Most of the effects are bad one or two of them are good. We'll see what happens. Let's get a good one Do we get one? Your AC goes down by two. Okay. Whoa, what are you down to, 12? Up 14.

Okay, so next up in the order is Burger Boy, who is made of butter stills. We're gonna skip Burger Boy. Great. That is going to bring us to Jeff. Okay, yeah. Jeff, it's us, it's clearly us in the finals. I make the dog say.

Do you have a persuasion check on Jeff? Great. Because Jeff is very uncertain of who he wants to attack here. God damn it, I rolled the one. You're, you're not a dog. You're an invisible man piloting a dog. You're an invisible man piloting a dog. Put down that terrier. You're not a dog either. That's actually crazy. You're not stupid. You're being weird, Jeff. You're absolutely weird.

Jeff, attack that man. No, not the man, the dog! I will say, Jeff the Terrier does have keen smell, so I'm going to roll a perception check to see if they can find you. That's 219, do you have a son of a gun? Oh no. Suck them nuts, idiot. You smell my brilliant perfumes. Suck them nuts, idiot. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hit you? It would, but I'm going to shield. Against the carrier. Big man! Take your dog damage, dude. I refuse. I have 24 ACU, stupid dog, somebody bite me. Try. You see that Jeff failed to hit you, but Jeff did that dog thing where he like lifts a paw

and like points with his nose. You see that Jeff the guy is just gonna trans-lug you. Whoa. Jeff the guy. This isn't allowed. Unfortunately, Jeff the guy only rolls a 14, so he's gonna miss you. I'm gonna do lethal damage to you as well, Jeff.

What are you doing? We're asking to be murdered. We could have all shared some soup in the park. Arlene just so you know, Jeff started this. Hey, called well again, this is truly the wildest place for the audio to cut out. So to the best of my ability, here's a recap of what happens next.

So to compete with Arlene ability, here's a recap of what happens next. So to compete with Arlene's romantic advances towards Jeff, Onyx decides to check Jeff's social media to see if he is divorced or potentially a widower. Jack actually finds out he has a deceased spouse named Ashley and uses her mask of many faces ability to turn into her. She then attempts to lead Jeff away from Arlene while the skies does Ashley. However, Jess' reaction to seeing his deceased wife calls into question whether or not Ashley died of natural causes or was perhaps murdered by Jeff. We are joining the show right as Jins starts to piece this all together. It's a murder! I stop Jeff, and I say, go to her. Or don't you marry me!

Go to her, Jeff. You see it? You've been looking for a long time, haven't you, Jeff? You see that Jeff goes over to you and whispers, I thought Jeff devoured you, how did you escape? Oh. So Jeff is a serial killer. So one of those serial killers that everyone is like,

oh, so normal, live next to me, you're just a normal ass dude. This Jeff is fucked up. I am a fucking warlock, I can take a serial killer. Come here baby, I forgive you, and then I run away to try and get him to chase me. We shouldn't know him when he was talking about the soup at 7-11. Oh, classic cereal killer move.

Okay, that is going to be Nye Extra. Oh, I'm, I guess I'm just going to tell Arlene that the bond boy calls it's time to check out I feel fucking dumb, but I'm just gonna take two arrow attacks at Arlene That is a 21 to hit Do you have Arlene Stads? I also crit on Arlene. So fuck me. That's double the sixes per Hunter's mark, right?

Yes. Okay. Does it 21 hit? Yeah, it's 21 hit. What? I have Arlene's character sheet here. Uh-huh. Hey there, Caldwell, one last time.

At this moment, I am holding up a piece of paper upon which I have hastily scribbled the words, Arlene 5 HP. What? What? What? What? What?

Um, okay. I was gonna go ahead and rip that up. What? We'll say that you use dulled arrows, Um, I was gonna go ahead and rip that up. Ha ha ha ha ha. We'll say that you use dulled arrows, but you two knock this old woman out. I said nothing about dulled arrows. Ha ha ha ha ha.

This is the dog and pony show. I pop out as Ashley and give him a thumbs up. Ha ha ha ha. It is 27 damage to Arlene. I'll say that you cleave that damage on to Lady jalapeno and knock it out too. Okay. Okay.

Jake knew what I did, but Niack didn't know. So we'll pick it up there. Oh my God. Oh my God. I'm so sorry. Yeah, everyone is kind of a stun for a moment. The audience is shocked. Okay, just someone who knows Jeff also killed someone. Well, Jeff came out and? I'm looking for you. I'm looking for you.

Yeah, you see that after Lady Alpinio falls, the crowd kind of does that like, oh, thing. Actually, can we get that? Oh. Pearl. Because it's an animal battle royale and a dude with a bow just shoots one. I'm so sorry, jalapeno.

I was only meant to kill Arlene, and that was it. That is going to be brilliance's turn, as well as Tormelina. Yeah, you see this horse is doing all sorts of dances in the sky, and then you see this horse is doing all sorts of dances in the sky and then You see that it starts going Oh And just barfs up a huge pile of flaming garbage. Oh

I think I was I that brilliance, you know is an animal, but they have limited intelligence and emotion And they know that you've done something wrong, Niaq. Me? Are you starting it? Jen starts getting all high, Mighty. How could you? So it's a matter with you, man. If you could make a dexterity saving throw for me, please.

Sure. You're probably good at this. I am. But at the same time, I rolled a three. You can be good at something. I have a bad day. Yeah. You've probably got some shit you can add to that. I actually, I mean not a lot. 13 total. Okay, still too low. Don't you have? Barding inspiration? I do have Barding inspiration. Well, that D12.

Is it D12? Yeah. Stop helping him. That's a 19. 19 will pass. Woo! Yeah. I'm not going to have to serve the second chance.

Why? You see that as brilliance barfs up, what looks like a neutral bullet blender? Tormelina is like, oh, no, again, what is wrong with this thing? And then she is going to, I think she is going to look at Onyx, I guess currently Ashley. And she's going to say, it's best if you present your true self that on X, I guess, currently Ashley. And she's gonna say, it's best if you present

your true self online. And then she's gonna cast Polymorph on you. And I'm going to cast a bit level counter spell. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Okay, I've been trying to be nice and polite, but here's the deal. You creatures, I need that dog yogurt sponsorship. Do you have any idea how sensitive horse dogs stomachs are?

Dogart is the only thing she can keep down. I need the dogart. I am filming all of this. Wow, you're having a very public meltdown. I don't know how you look worse than me. I killed someone. So did Jeff. You see that Hayden is like non-lethal damage, right?

And I just turn, like you're talking, it's the we need this. Yeah, you see that T Tourmaline is getting worked up because you did the counter spell. So she just keeps going on this rant while you're filming. She's like, I've got this stupid dog horse so that I can get famous on Instagram, but now I've just been, oh my,

time and money, caring for it. It is absolute bullshit. I'm sick of throwing carpets out because they're soaked in whole-stogged shit. Wow, this is all anyone is gonna talk about after this. I am definitely going to get sponsored from this. Okay. All right, you're all going down.

I need that dogat and that crown too. Okay, so that is the end of her turn. That is gonna bring us back around to Jeff's, aka Jen. aka Jen's. Okay, now I feel kind of bad for brilliance. Don't. No, we have one terrible moonic iron. Oh wait, wait. That's true.

And also Jeff the dog aided in the serial killing. You're a monster Jeff, I attack Jeff. Yeah! You're pupable. What? I'm just here to have some fun with my pup. What's wrong? No, I'm attacking the pup. You're attacking my pup!

Your pup hates the ate Ashley! T-tut, Jens. Are you sure that's the move you want to make, bud? It actually T-tut, Jen's Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha It was me, Jens Lindell all along. Wait, wait, careful, Jens, are you wearing anything? I'm wearing a very short silk robe. I'm going to reveal myself without revealing myself. I'm going to undo the greater invisibility and activate the symbol that I cast at the beginning. Here we go. the symbol that I cast at the beginning. Ah! Ah! Ah! Here we go.

And let me read you what I'm going to do with it. I'm going to use a hopelessness. Ah! Each target makes a charisma saving throw. Ah! I'm not a failed save. The target is overwhelmed with despair for one minute. During this time, it can't attack or target any creature

with armful abilities, spells, or other magical effects. This is actually beautiful because everything we did has earned this. I would like to, not even a magical effects for just the desperation of Gens as an elf, trying to win a dog show to make everyone so depressed that they can't do anything So this affects how many people okay when you cast a spell you would describe a harmful glyph on a service blah blah blah Sure you decide what triggers it when you cast the spell

Dada you can further oh my god. Oh my god. Oh no, he's reading his phone. There's two things. There's two things. Range area, 60 foot sphere. Oh god. So out from me, I was like, I'm out. It was me along. I'm smarter than all the dogs. I'm smarter and more beautiful than each dog.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! pants on him. It's a really short robe. Don't raise your arms. Yeah, Jen, do you think that? I'm going to just mid-level, but imagine if I had them up. OK. I'll hold the robe down. Thank you. So there is one thing I forgot. Now I can hold my arms up, because you're holding the robe down.

She wasn't when you first started. A producer runs out just desperately trying to like shimmy some sweatpants up you. Sweatpants? Get these on the bed. I get the sweatpants. The sweatpants? Get these out of here. Oh wait, I wear diesel jeans.

Only. Or a tasteful boot cut of Wranglers. Child size, so they're still tight. Ah, you see that Jeff is wearing that exact pair of pants? A peaceful boot cut of Wranglers. Child-sized, so they're still tight. Ah, you see that Jeff is wearing that exact pair of pants? Ah, my favorite pair of pants as well. You're a bird in front, Jeff. You're a killer.

You're a killer. Give me your jeans, though. These jeans are gonna be so dirty when I'm done with you, Jens. What? What are you gonna do, Jens? You stuff because he's kind of hot as a serial killer. What? Onyx.

Right? We stopped joking that. I told you. I told you. Surely, what have I done to you two? So I did forget to roll for the terriers. They're gonna be out of commission after this turn because you've depressed them. But I'm going to have them all attack brilliance real quick

one second. I actually want to say of brilliance. OK. I think it's a tech Jeff. You think it's a tech Jeff? OK, for sure. Jeff against Jeff. Oh, wow, look at that.

We are gonna have two hits from the Terriers. They each do one D4. So cute. But one of them crit, so we're gonna double that. Oh, alright. Yeah! Yeah! I guess I didn't really take a turn.

Can I also stab him while the dogs are attacking him? Yeah. I'll get in there. Oh yeah, go for it. So I also stab him while the dogs are attacking him? Yeah. Oh, get in there. Oh, yeah, go for it. So I'm going to roll for the terriers. Jeff is just the guy as well. So I mean, his mind is twisted into play. And twisted, but he's still got like five HP. Right, that's great.

I got a 31 to hit him. We can ideally cleave into Thor Malina. You do see that Jeff dies. You and the Terriers murder Jeff. Uncerimoniously, just like Ashley. I bow. And as he parishes, he says, I'm not sorry for anything. Bearing me with my soup. Weird last words, man.

We're going to bury you in this dog gogert. Okay, so we're back around, Jens, you have a guest. Your simple spell. Everyone is depressed now. I think it's all this work. Yeah. Great. You see that Blavin finally realizes that his dog is butter and is sad about it.

Nice. It's for the best Blavin. Can I borrow a little bit for a waffle? Maybe just, oh no, that's it's brain. That's it's brain. OK. Yum. Let's see.

Jeff is dead. Onex, that's your turn. OK. I just want to go to brilliance. No. I just want to try to be like, OK, brilliance. I actually think you're like a beautiful creature and I live with a creature and we have such a good life

together, you could just come join us and it would be such a great new start and I would feed you whatever you want and even if you got diarrhea, I wouldn't even care because I pay people to clean up after my bath. So come with me. I wouldn't even care because I pay people to clean up after my bad So come with me. I also have more followers than your Funky all in there. They're just solemn piano music under this

You see that Brilliant looks at Onyx Onyx Do you do your your a tool me? If I could just hold you No! Tonight, Ben and I, I love that you guys knew we were gonna do the last chorus. That's why you're special Chicago. Boston could never. Since you have glidness going, I'm to say you don't even need to make a role for that. Can I just in case I create it? Yeah, go for it.

I'll go with the 50. Which becomes, if that's persuasion, that becomes a 26. Incredible, that will do nicely. So you see, that is your turn, Niaq, you are up. Who is still alive? Darmalene! Great fucking question. Lately, Jaff looks at Niaq, who is the serial killer?

Let's see, Bergerboy is dead. Jeff, the dog is dead. Lately't know. I don't know. Let's see, Burger Boy is dead. Jeff the dog is dead. Lamy jalapeno is dead. It's basically just brilliance and U3. The five terriers are depressed. It's, Tormelina is still around. Tormelina is obviously still around, and Obsidian.

Yeah, I'm gonna try to kill Tormelina. There you go. It feels weird to not. That's a 27 and a 30. 14 plus the cold accuracy. No, 23 damage to Tormelina. That'll do it. If she's not dead, I will summon a gelatinous familiar to follow me and catch her off.

You see. This is a dog competition. It's life and death. Do you want me to turn into a dog? Bro, I don't know you. My brother's the dog, OK? No, I'm me now. What?

If you have a lot of animals already to Latinist familiar, I just need to kill a trin influencer and that's it. Get that goo off of me. Oh, that's worse than brilliant, just diarrhea. Does the goo get to go this turn? Yeah, follows me. Great, that's worse than that's worse than brilliant just diarrhea. Um, just the go get to go this turn. Uh, yeah, follows me great going to attack. Okay. The goo is pretty powerful. Let's see again, Calgo, you made this.

You did this to yourself. I did this to myself. I did this to myself. You did it to yourself. You did it to yourself. You did it to yourself. I did this to myself. I did this to myself. You did it to yourself. You did it to yourself. You did it to yourself. You did it to yourself. Oh my god.

Jents, Jents. Oh, but it is, it's only a 13 to hit. That is going to miss. You see that Tormelina dodges out of the way. Check she, what she does is she pulls out a ring light, like people on Twitch use. Oh my god. And flashes the goo and distracts it.

You have to be better at that. You have to be better at that. You could help you are fucking cello. I've built an empire. Do you think I'm going to let you dismantle it with goo? The only goo that I'm going to build upon is the dogged goo that I need to keep my dog from shitting. Please don't hit my goo, Tormelina. Oh, I do hit your goo.

Does, does, does she really? She does. I'm still filming this all. But before she does that, it is brilliance is turn. And I think brilliance is going to turn on her, but before that happens, before even that happens, I do need you to make another jam roll. All right. What do I not have to roll this just not a one? Just another one. Yeah.

Don't roll. 16. There you go. You're safe. All right. So I'm rolling for brilliance. Brilliance is going to hit Tormelina. They are going to, oh, they make two attacks actually one more. One second. They hit both times. They do, to, oh, they make two attacks, actually, one more. One second. They hit both times. They do, let's see, 22 damage to Tormelina. Yeah. Turned in to start to look a little fucked up. Yeah.

And that is going to bring us to Tormelina's turn. She is looking very upset. Still has not come onto the fact that you're filming this entire thing. Ha, ha, ha. I need that doger! I keep wanting to turn it on myself but then remembering that I'm Ashley. You know Jeff is dead. You don't need to do this anymore. She's got an economy-wise. I just have another just to gain.

She's going to attack you on X or Ashley or whoever you are now. So you see oh yeah these are both going to hit unfortunately. I'm not a test-e-j. She's going to attack you onyx or Ashley, whoever you are now. OK. So you see, oh yeah, these are both going to hit. Unfortunately, I'm so sorry. You see that she pulls out her ring light again. I'm going to need you to make a wisdom save. OK. 11 for my wisdom save.

So you take 22 damage from the ring light flashing you. It is this like searing radiant ring light. And then you are, you're temporarily cannot see for the next round. And then also. I am the visual artist. After she flashes you this ring light, she moves in real close, close enough for you

to see before your vision fades, that she has beautiful, two-inch-long long perfectly painted nails and she slashes you for 35 damage. Jesus. Whoa. Whoa. We're powerful, Jim. It's fair.

Didn't even break. They're reinforced. Also, I put the doge on these. It gives them a nice sheen. Okay, but also, where's your dog now? What? I don't know. I don't know.

What do you talk? Oh, brilliant. She's mine now. You do see that, yeah, brilliance is fully on your side, but that brings us back around to Jens. Sweet. Jens is going to start the fireworks show. It's all about Jens right now.

He doesn't have the pretend to be a dog anymore. He's going to go ahead and do chain lightning. Who's left? I'll do one on Tormaline. One on Jeff the Dog. Jeff the Dog is dead. Jeff the Dog is gone. Okay.

Is anyone else around? No, it's basically Tormalina. All right, I'll just do one. I just throw up to do more bolts. It's just not. It's just fireworks around me as I dance. Beautiful. Lights above the bomb, boy.

Does anyone, I need, oh, she does a deck save. Deck save, all right, here we go. Tens, you need. I need 10 D. Oh, sorry, that is going to be a 26. That's OK, she'll take half. So take half. All right, great.

You see that she does have this ring light, which is kind of acting as like a lightning rod. So it's going to be impossible for her to dodge all of them. OK. There you go. Yeah, you see as you're charging up the spell, the paramedics are just slowly removing Arlene from the stage. 51 damage.

Whoa. So 25. Woo! Woo-hoo! She is looking extremely hurt. Great. And then bonus action, I used my lightning bolts to give Bartik inspiration to Onyx, my last one of the day. Awesome.

Onyx, that is your turn. OK. So onyx, we could do a collab. We could collab on something. You could maybe do a trick truck. And truck and we could like you do one thing and then I do another thing and then we reverse it And then we do it without weird green screen. It's really poorly done, but it's a fun green screen of us and we're in a Marvel movie What is with you and Marvel? They're really popular you You do the Marvel stuff. You get so many, you get all the points.

OK, I think that what I should really do is healing hands, but I think I'm just going to attack with disadvantage. For fun. Get her, Ashley. OK, does a 21 hit. A 21 does hit Seven you see that her perfectly painted nails start to crack 20 on the first one

Okay, not 20 in a 19 So I still hit but I miss that crit Woo! So I still hit, but I missed that crit. My matter of spell, so I'm just going on. Okay, five, seven, 12 plus six, another 18. So a total 20 plus 18. 38. 38. Thank you so much, Mark.

We had it. Ah! Oh, with disadvantage. Finish, Tormolina. It's only right. I think I give my body over to the puppeteer of the night. And I say, I'm a bit not myself. Will you make sure I get a beautiful finishing blow?

We do the exact same routine of who let the dogs out and I help her unlock all of these locks and then we kick through a door and stab through But this time is to Vanessa Carlton. Yeah. Making my way down town. And we're dancing on a big piano. Sorry, that's it. You see that it takes so long that she's like, what do you, I'm just gonna go.

Oh. And she falls to the ground. And as she does, her body disintegrates and becomes a river of souls and those souls shhhhhh, flow into your phone, Onyx. Oh, that's so good. I was going to try and steal her phone to get her mail. You get all her followers. That's a lot of box.

You get so many Russian bots. We'll take the bots. We'll take the bots. And also Onyx, you look and you see, huh, you scroll down past the bots. We'll take the bots. And also, Onyx, you look and you see, huh, you scrolled down past the bots. What's that? Coca-Cola VP? McDonald's VP?

Holy shit. All greens. P? Huh. The P. We got a P. This is huge for us. We have a P.

We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P.

We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P.

We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P. We have a P like covered in blood. Just cascading shadows on your face of splatter. So you see the two remaining contestants are Jins holding a fox

terrier and brilliance. Brilliance is still alive, but brilliance sees your valor and your nobility. You mean Ashley's? I just haven't had a chance. And says New York, and then they bow gracefully and Jeff's the wire fox terrier is crowned king of all beasts. You know what? I looked down at Jeff's.

I'm mass-suggestion everyone to chance beach. It worked. You know what? This might have been a dog competition, but I think we all can agree that an elf stole the show. Ah, see edge of the rivalry. And in the end, dogs V.O. Yes. If in Airbud there was nothing in the rule book

that said a dog couldn't play basketball, then so too wouldn't the reverse be true, that there's nothing in the rule book that says an elf cannot win a dog competition. Brilliant. Brilliant. And thus, I declare myself the greatest cutie in Trinneville. And I take the crown off the dog and put it on myself.

Wait. Psst. Nihac. Are you? Nihac, I was streaming this, and I am hemorrhaging followers. Can you do something gorgeous? Yeah, okay. We got to log into a different account. I can talk more about air, do something go wrong? Yeah, okay, we got it, we got it lug into a different account.

So it's, I can talk more about air butt if anyone wants to know. Golden receiver, there was one where he played football. So, James, did you say that you were gonna put on the crown? Yes. Great. You, you put on the King of all Beast crown and are instantly polymorphed into a horse. Well, all right.

There's nothing in the rule book that says a horse can't win a dog and pony. Do I need to keep Nia going from this horse? No. I wouldn't ever do anything. To my brother. You have to be so steady, Nia. Unless you're trapped in steady, Niaq. Unless you're trapped in there, brother, blink.

I'm blinking. I'm blinking a lot. I'm blinking a lot, Niaq. Okay, I'm gonna shoot the horse. Oh, too. So, Jin's the horse gallops away as arrows fly. I do cast Hunter's Mark on my brother. I'm not gonna.

I'm not gonna. Onyx, you live stream the entire thing as several producers chase after you with 3000 tubes of doger. You are the King of all beast and you are all three, the new public face of Joker! Woo! Yeah! Yeah! And that is where we will end our session! Thank you, Chicago! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! 1 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 個 Well, well, well, it is time to thank our benevolent counsel of elders, starting with Brad D. Jeffrey S. Howdor Frostback, Steelbreaker, and Matt M. People who adopted the wire-haired Fox Terrier summoned by Onyx. Now she's stuck keeping concentration on this spell until the adoption fees hit her bank account, stay strong Onyx. Darby M. Jordan DJ. Cutter W. Jive G. Dylan B. And Dungeon Mama. Dogeart Goblins. Unlike their honeyed cousins, these Goblins don't just get the dogeart. They steal it by any means necessary. And that's the dogeart difference. Danielle the Dastardly

Dame. Andrew M. Beard Mand Dan, Scott D, and Danny P. Trick-Trox celebrities who have spent the last week absolutely tearing into Tormelina for being so incredibly old and out of touch. Mixologist Michael Mick D. Vincent W. Nicole T. Victor T. Balnor's boy, Andrew B. and Justin I. Detectives who have been searching for Jepp the serial killer for years. Now that he's gone, they can finally focus on investigating all the Jeff Blue flights that have gone missing this past year. Uh oh.

Ragnar, Ferredwin, TJM, the known barbarian Kaley E, Elena M, and Trele, the Kray Faye. A basketball team who adopted brilliance and an attempt to airbub their way to the championships. Their plan worked perfectly, but unfortunately the horse trampled three referees in the process. Luckily, there referees in the process. Luckily, there is nothing in the rulebook that says a horse dog can be tried for a crime. Jared E. Damial R. Siborke version of Josh the Cobalt, Philbert the Fabulous and Richard X Machina,

Elderly fans of Arlene and Lady Hallipino, who have all cast Hunters mark on Nayak. Uh-oh, they are currently crocheting a giant, doily net to try and capture him. Don't slip Nayak, I will not. Oh, Michael, Elle, trust the traveler, Sir Carl, Jory S and Calum Elle. Past winners of the Turnival Dog and Pony Show,

oddly enough, all of them were invisible bars, holding various dogs, except for Sir Carl, who was an invisible barbarian, holding a horse. Jack Elle, Sam Elle, Nicholas C. Sam B. and Mike H. Tormalina's Posse. Now that she's been defeated, they've all taken positions as royal viseas, visears, for the five major hype houses of Trinipale. Now the game of phones has truly begun.

Wow, very nice. Uchmulik the baby bronze dragon, Matthew E. Colton B. Adam G. Megan S. begun. Wow, very nice. Uchmulik, the baby bronze dragon, Matthew E. Colton, B. Adam, G. Meaghan, S. Andy Badger. Wizards hired by Blavin to depoly more butter boy. They were up all night trying to find a solution, but then were struck by an inexplicable craving for pantakes.

I think you see where this is going. Panama James, Cummins the Bard, Captain Sitchell, Nathan C. and Diana. Huge fans of Lady Hallipenio who opened a bar in Savannah, Georgia, called Hallipenios. What are the odds? CC Lulu, Barnes and Nader, Michelle O. Alex W. Timmy R. and Jonathan W. The Crockwearing Warrior,

James Summoners, who are frequently afflicted by the sticky condition in which spells that affect someone for one round last round. An extra two rounds. Also, no one wants to hold their hands. Devastating. Lucas B. Aaron S. It's Kevin, Bionic, Pookie, Neorck, and Cass skateboard Cass. The polymorph bathroom attendance who sadly never received a tip despite all of Jens' visits.

Steven C. Mike Kay, Lady Taco, Joy T. and Nara. Other Rangers who have also cast Hunters Mark on Arlene turns out she just has a super sus vibe, folks. Jake L. Nick W. Brave the Badger, S.M.A.M. Justin P. and Smog and the Tartus. The Trinstagram employees who are currently dealing with a massive disguise, self catfishing scandal. Turns out Onyx isn't the only one enjoying that loophole Nathan Kazmir the all-knowing to barry the safari big bad beard of the mad giant monsters on the horizon and

Gully a Julia Yoga moms who keep it tight with doger turns out it has fewer calories and higher protein than slim fast Wow, I did not know that Thrath Burle T Percival Frederik Sin Vaughn Muscle

Kloewowski, DeRolo, the third, mailed it, didn't even stumble over Klasowski. Christian, a. J. Dragonborn, Joe Rovey, and Appropos, the brands that immediately pulled out of their deals with Tormelina, all of them were a little too quick to publish PR statements condemning Tormelina, a little too enthusiastically, actually. Liam, D. The Sandray, and Ben A. Feldononis and Dave H. The horse-shooters who are now tasked with putting heelies on brilliance, they're even considering making them light up heelies just to outdo Obsidian a little more.

Vivian, Koala Bear, Catherine S. David Kay, Christian S. and Dustin S. The actors in the made for TV movie about Jeff's salacious past. Kazmur, the all-knowing, played Jeff, Big Bad Mere to the Mad, played Jessica, and the rest played a Greek chorus responding to everything that happened with super experimental or a lifetime movie, but it turned out great. Connor F. Hawkeye Pierce, Isabelle F. The Time Walker, two left eyes, and DPC is awesome. Lady Halopino stands.

These rowdy animal enjoyers are definitely going to beat the shit out of Niac in the parking lot. Sounds fun to me. Blair, the bug-blair-bar-blairian, Kat C. Pork Chop, Minette, F and Pat L. The detectives, who have been tracking Jeff the serial killer, their greatest shame is admitting that the triplets were a huge help in catching him. That's just the way it goes. A truth at A, Lauren H, Amber W, A-K, A, Hazel Bat, Latae, Alize, Hawthorne, and Ryan S. The writers of the Dog and Pony show rulebook, they are unfortunately going to have to be executed for allowing Jens to compete.

Yes, the charming fluff, Brently C, Micobee, Patrick H. and Ploupes. Witnesses who saw gens transforming the bathroom they tried to report them, but because the aforementioned rulebook, their hands were tied. Carly and Addy Bird save Kay, Laurie, P. Seth, AJ, Spam gaming, the not-so-skilled, gamer, and Connor Savage. Animal haters who went to the event just to see them fight each other, weird, hobby guys. Christopher J. Peppelpot, Logan S. Leveythin, Bioquart 7, Remington CD, and Amber Dextrous. Fellow invisible puppeteers that were piloting other wire-haired fox terriers. They were never able to reveal themselves because they

were too depressed by gens, that sounds fair. Thrill of the fright, Sullivan H. Trubb, Hoppedropper, Sidney T. Matt Y. and Alex C. The crew that broke the triplets record of highest owner to pet ratio is dude straight up showed up with zero pets and forfitted as a goof, and it was a good one. Lindsay W. Juicy Kiwi Champ Wilde, Vailin, Sprite Pepsi, and Carlin Sea, human doggard enjoyers. That is it, this crew just freaking loves to chug dog food. I'm with you. Louis is your dad, Jake CCA, Matthew J, T-R-A-P, and Noah the Bagel of all things. Onyx's other trinstagram rivals who were absolutely devastated to see all the love she was

getting from that Coke VP. You better believe it. Estelle, Baron S, Soeshton's Romance partner from the Baronies, conflicted DM, Dandy, M. Barber, and Marcos P. Business VP's diving into the comments on Onyx's Trinstagram vying for a spot on that main grid. But don't worry folks, we are sellouts, there's room for everyone. Pup, Kalish, Gabrielle, M. learns the balance through it, Dakota JP, Pagos the self-proclaimed vaporince, and Ketrin, Jeff's children watching the show from the audience.

And we are so sorry you shouldn't have had to find out this way. Tracy P. the Crick L. F. Librarian, Andy E. Lisa M. Holly Hyena, Anthony A. and Leah C. Other dogs and ponies in the show who flew under the radar, but it should be known that they were all also polymorphed elves, so that strategy was sound. Abigail, maybe Kristen, I, Egg, Infinitum, Sloth, King, 777, and Cal, just Cal. Concession stand operators, salivating at the idea of all the jam they could sell if Niaque would just throw them some of his jam points. But he, Commodore Galaxy, Edison Galaxy Edison and Russell H, a monk named

Dilgo, Nios the novice monster hunter, Lorelai and Kira Frost, just a few of our lean's countless enemies who all commend Niaq for his act of bravery. Damn thanks guys. Morgan M, Sticker, Zachary A, Steven E, Mr. Adams, and Meekin F. Obsidian stands. Thank you for believing in our moonicorn to you. James, Barbo, Good Barrel, Bard Marion, and Brewer Emeritus of Water Deep and Jet Black is back. The team of janitors that had to be deployed to clean up the post-polymorph bathroom that Jen's visited, it is a messy spell, and Jen's do it, did do it like four times. So thank you for your service. And thank you all. And thank you all!