Not Another D&D Podcast - Trinyvale X Bahumia Mini-Arc - Ep.01: The Triplets Take Moonstone
Episode Date: February 10, 2023Welcome back to Trinyvale! And also... Bahumia?? To celebrate the 5th Anniversary of NaddPod, Dungeon Uncle Caldwell has unleashed the severely-overpowered Trinyvale Triplets on the Bullywugs... and Barbarians of Moonstone Bay! What could go wrong? Onyx dons a cute disguise, Jens pulls aggro and Nyack finds a cool whistle as the Crossover Chaos begins!GET YOUR SOL BUFO PLUSHIE HERE! - https://www.makeship.com/products/sol-bufo-plush---CREDITSEditing and Production by Trevor Lyons (@LyonatLarge)Mixing and Sound Design - Daniel Ramos (@Schubirds on Twitter & @Dr.Schubird on IG)Trinyvale Intro and Outro by Emily AxfordLogo Design by Chelsea LeCompteSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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This is a Headgun Podcast.
Welcome to Trinvill.
Trinvill, Trinvill, Trinvill.
Hey, hold on.
And also,
Bohumia!
What's that?
Bohumia!
Bohumia.
That's right.
It's a freaking crossover.
That's right folks.
We have a crossover for you in honor of the fifth anniversary of our
podcast.
Murf has graciously given me his notes for the start of the Bohumia campaign and allowed
me to run it with our level 15 characters.
Oh my god.
Only you, Carl Willer, enough of a mad man to dream this up.
I just lay myself on the altar, prostrate myself fully and say,
Womp me my children, Womp me until there's nothing left to
Womp.
Next down village is going to bed.
Call the well certified madman.
So yes, we have some level 15 characters in this level two
in capture setting from the world of
Trinaville and we are going to be playing a little miniseries that I like to call the
triplets Take Moonstone.
But before this self-imposed wamping begins, how about we introduce ourselves?
Folks I am your dungeon uncle, aka donkel, called well Tanner and I am so happy to be joined
by Emily Axford.
Great, are we introducing our characters as well?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.
What is this your first episode?
Is this really his episode?
Why not?
Activated.
I don't know how to play D&D the whole time.
In another five years, we'll get it.
Okay, okay, Maryhanka, okay, okay.
That's what I think of, that's what I think. A peek behind the screen.
That is how the sausages made folks.
Pestelga warlock onyx lumiar.
Ooh, nice.
We've also got Brian Murphy, celebrating five years of two crew on a flight from JetBlue.
It's J Slandau.
Beautiful, really setting the scene.
And last but not least, Jay Kerwitz.
Hard one, not so surefoot.
Actually, it's Nayak of the Rana4.
There he is.
Our beautiful shirtless boy himself.
Now, folks, as we get into this,
we've introduced our characters,
but I need to introduce a concept here.
This series begins with a series of hypothetical questions.
What if Beverly's parents got worried and didn't allow him to go to the jamboree?
Oh my goodness.
What if Moonshine decided to spread her spores elsewhere?
And most importantly, what if hard one didn't break up with his high school girlfriend?
And instead, say it an iron deep?
Sounds like a nice life honestly. Yeah, pretty good. Happy ending for everyone. Oh, well, you're essentially saving Gemma's life
Yes, thank you. You're welcome. Please do at me
I will accept all accolades
Wow, this is canon, right?
Now here's the thing if that were to happen what heroes would rise to fill the void left by their absence and restore balance to this broken world?
We will probably never know that answer, but what we do know is that Jin's Onyx and Nyak,
affectionately known as the Trinaville triplets, have just landed in the realm of Bohumia for a relaxing vacation in the quaint fishing village of Moonstone.
Now as the crickets chirp and the moon shines brightly, a massive portal appears in the
sky and from it a magical jet blue flight capable of interplanar travel streaks through
the night sky.
It really hovers like a helicopter, then descends outside of a simple tavern and ejects
its ramp.
And for folks that might be less familiar with Trinaville, as you step off of this airplane,
why don't you all describe your characters.
We'll start in the same order with Emily.
Okay.
Anax Lumiere is a pastel, goth, warlock from the moon.
She has a moonicorn and she's probably not
complaining yet because she's probably not
finished watching her movie.
So she's gonna stick it out and keep watching the movie
until flight attendant chases her off.
What movie are you watching?
What are you watching so intently?
I mean, probably death on the Nile.
People are watching that on planes all the time lately. So Alex is probably actually watching it on someone else's
seat and
Gens is sitting there watching this movie still has his noise cancelling headphones on is ignoring all flight attendance
Is wrapped up in a jet blue blanket.
And it's just sitting there waiting for the movie to be done.
Yeah.
Nayaika, you also runnin' out the movie?
Yeah, Nayaika is a champion ranger,
kind of like a cross between Tarzan and Joe Dirt.
Mm-hmm.
Perfect.
And Nayaika is actually gathering all of his brothers'
karyons because we traveled with four bags that were all belonging to Jens and I'm now trying to convince a flight
Attended to let us deploy the giant slide
Playing because that's our preferred method. Niantic. Did you secure the slide?
I'm working on it brother. I had to I gave checked all of my bags
So I'm just I simply won't stare Okay, yeah, we're not gonna stare. I'm sorry. it, brother. I had to, I gate checked all of my bags, so I'm just, I simply won't stare.
Okay, yeah, we're not gonna stare.
I'm sorry, we're not staring.
As you try to convince this flight attendant,
once you give me a persuasion check,
you got it.
Nayaca's a minus one to charisma.
I hate.
I don't give him the alphabet.
I also don't help.
I keep watching the movie.
Nayaca actually rolled an 18, which was 17.
Woo!
I simply must insist to deploy this slide.
Just tell him we'll open the emergency door.
What are they gonna do? We're already here.
Oh yeah, all right, so Nyak actually
abandoned the persuasion check.
My brother's right, so Naya actually abandons the persuasion check. My brother's right out of my way.
Careful, Gal Gadot hasn't died yet.
Explorers!
You see from the pilot's section, your robotic friend Keychain pokes his head over and says,
hey, spoilers.
Hey, Jane, is the premise of some movies?
I am also watching the movie.
We just started.
We started the movie five minutes before landing.
Can I rip out the little TV, the plane TV,
and like fuse it to Keychain?
I can keep watching.
Like you can't win a TV in the car.
Yes, wow.
He's finally useful.
Yeah, we should probably meet the owner of the swamp B&B
that we got here.
I am so excited.
We are doing a swampy M.B.
It's about time.
Now we have a TV for the swamp B&B.
Oh, that is so good, because we were like,
oh, let's do something rustic, but immediately I was
really happy.
I was like, let's keep the plane.
I had that thought too.
Can someone fetch me a series of mirrors
so I can also watch the movie?
Mm.
I look through Jens' shit.
There's so many mirrors in there.
Yes, I need this for the front of my face.
I need this to like a barber, check the back of my hair.
I need this as sort of my makeup compact thing.
Nope, I'm sorry, QJ.
Nah, he's nodding along.
Yeah, we haven't got a mirror to spare.
They're all spoken for you.
Well, Onyx already spoiled the freaking movie,
so what do you care?
It's kind of like the inciting incident.
Right, and I told you, I just started it
right before we landed.
I understand.
So as you're all arguing about whether or not
QJ gets a mirror, you see the flight attendant says,
if I extend the slide, you get off the airplane,
we need to park this somewhere else.
This is causing so many violations.
And also, I just looked out the window
and I saw like a lot of like really tough looking guys
with ponytails and I'm kind of worried
about the safety of the crew.
So if you don't mind, we're gonna pick up the plane
and move it elsewhere for the time being.
Just let us know when you're ready to depart, okay?
Okay, come down.
Yes, this movie's over, we're ready to go.
We said, we've been in the world.
Well, it's the energy.
We got it.
We got it.
We're bringing Endevact 1.
We'll start watching it on Keychain.
Yeah.
Yeah, once we get to a good moment.
So just another like 25 minutes.
Okay, all right, we'll make all the preparation. I don't believe I got my second drink
To true
More drinks after we land, but you know, whatever you want just please, please, please leave as soon as possible
All right, all right, we wait for 25 minutes until a
Lullaby
Death on the Nile and so one of Kenneth Brown was modeled off.
Why do you know so much about this movie?
I know nothing, I know nothing.
You watch it on a plane.
Yeah, we wait till the least hyped part.
As you are watching this movie, you look out the window and you do see the various flight
crew unloading all of your mini, mini bags from underneath the airplane.
And you kinda see a couple of like,
these tough looking barbarian types.
They're bald, but they have like a ponytail
on the back of their head, just grinning
and kind of laughing.
You see them kinda like playing keepaway
with some of your bags,
hustling the attendance a little bit.
Niaq dives out the window.
That's my brother's glove bag. Big Oaf. I'm just going to be wrestling the attendance a little bit. Niaq dives wrong with that? Ha ha! I like you, I like you a style.
Thanks. You know what? How about we all go inside and you buy me a drink?
Um...
Hmm...
That's interesting. I yearn for acceptance.
And yet I hate taking orders.
Ha ha!
Fuck me.
Um...
Yeah, buy around!
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Yeah, no that seems Yeah, no, that seems fun.
Let's meet the locals.
We all buy around, of course.
They get the next one.
That's fun, okay.
Yeah.
Oh, this is probably like a staged thing, right?
This is like a flash mob, I guess they aren't it.
Oh my God, this is a flash mob.
Yeah, absolutely.
Just want to say we love flash mobs,
but please just try not to handle the bags
unless your jet blue certified.
Truly what the fuck are you talking about?
You know, we're from different worlds.
I like what you were saying about buying everyone around.
Let's get to that.
All right, why not?
So you see these barbarians.
One is a little bigger than the others.
It's wearing kind of like a poultern, a little spike on it.
And then, you know, two smaller barbarians.
Still massive though. They all kind of chuckle and lead the way back into the bar.
And as you enter the bar, let me describe the scene.
Yeah.
You enter the bar to the sound of an old bar playing a John Tituent on the fiddle.
There's a fireplace on the far right side of the room
and lanterns with candles filling the tabern.
Closest to you is a group of three fishermen sitting
at a table drinking ale and sharing a quiet conversation.
They all kind of like sink in their chairs a little bit
as you approach these barbarians.
I didn't write. I look first, I'm words of plug in my phone and put on a playlist.
Yeah, I'd like to drink in the sounds of the fiddle for a moment.
And then I yell out, can we put on something else?
Do you know when he's sugar ray?
Is there sugar ray would be great?
That is a good call.
Any mark my graph.
Are you going to go approach the bard?
Yeah, we'll go to the bard.
I love musicians.
So are you in a band?
Oh, it's just me, basically.
I just play the fiddle here and hope not to get beat up.
Where have you played?
Are you a touring artist?
Well, I used to travel around a lot more.
I've actually been quite all over this land of Bohumia
I was once a resident bard in in the great city of Gladeholm
Gosh those were the days, but then I made my way to Moonstone and well I've been here ever since
I sense like you must be rich
Well
Rich in the knowledge and appreciation of music one might say, but as far as coin
goes, not so much unless you're feeling generous.
It's all relative.
What's your net worth and we can decide if you're rich?
He points to a little hat with coins in it.
It says, oh, about that, I guess.
Okay, well that might be enough for a round.
Yeah.
Oh, perfect.
We got it. This guy. Yeah, oh We got it
I've got a the entertainment I feel like I should get daddy and sugar ray
Spoil everything I take his ass might bring it to the bartender I get distracted watching
Can you tell me what's happening? Why did you put it on the back of my head?
Alex, why did you start it over?
He gets I can't get enough of getting it right now.
I wanted to watch the mustache origin again.
Okay.
You got brand-up brain.
So you see the three barbarians that were hassling the jet blue crew outside, shout
out to the jet blue crew, go back over to their seats, there's one more barbarian over
there, and they kind of give you a nod like, all right, let's get those drinks.
Okay, I need to talk to you, Niaq and Jan.
Okay.
I think we are getting used. Used? Is it possible? Do you think that we're
cool enough to get used? Do you think that we might... You want to be used? Well, see, the cool sort of
popular people around here are mean to you. And what happens is you just sort of take it for a while
and then you get to join the cool crew. That's how it was in high school. Okay, as long as this is all part of your plan.
When we walked in with those guys,
everyone was kind of afraid.
And we're with those guys.
Okay. That's pretty cool.
That's sad as yeah.
Okay, you're right, I should date one.
Ah!
Ah!
Could I get my hat back?
I'm trying to save up for pants.
Yes, of course. We'll give it back to you right after pants. Yes, of course.
We'll give it back to you right after we buy the Strangive drinks.
All right, yeah, we're gonna waltz up to the bar.
Great, so you waltz up to the bar.
You see that there's nobody at the bar save for this single 20-something halfling.
He's wearing brown leather armor and just kind of nervously sipping his drink.
He's kind of glancing all around.
He's got like a guilty look on his face a little bit.
Um, getting Airbnb vibes from him, right?
Yeah, he actually looks rich.
Do you, excuse me, sir?
Oh, hello there. Hi, yes.
Do you own the swamp, B&B?
Because we're supposed to meet you to get our key.
Oh, I don't exactly know what a swamp B and B is.
Okay, is it a jamberine thing?
Because if it's a jamberine thing,
I know a lot about that.
Okay, one star for the check-in process,
so that's gonna be 20% back right away.
That's tough.
We'll knock off the cleaning fee right off the bat.
If it's lodging you want,
you might wanna talk to the bartender there.
You kind of gestures at this half-orc woman.
She's like very strong and sturdy.
Kind of looks at you and grunts.
And you notice that she's got this big scar streaked along one side of her body.
It starts on her face and then continues down onto like her shoulder.
She's got like one milky white eye.
And she kind of says, yeah, if you want to stay here tonight, it'll be one gold piece
Jesus Christ. That's cheap. That's really cheap. So why can we get six rooms?
Yeah, we're just
She's are you selling? You selling the place?
Is that is true? You're judging one gold. You can do is we could do a swampy and be I don't know if we do... Can we do the whole thing entirely to ourselves for one night, swampy and beast-time?
Yeah, can we run that in the past?
Do you mind if we swampy and beast-
Is this the swamp B&B?
Is that what you're saying?
Because you don't want to do a B&B in the actual swamp.
That thing is crawling with bully wugs.
Is that what we rented?
Oh, do you think they double booked our swamp B&B?
How many rooms do you have free tonight?
I don't know. There's like two rooms up there. This guy staying in one, she points to Denny. Hi!
There's supposed to be some green teens, but uh... Actually come to think of it. Where did those green
teens go? You were with them before, weren't you? You see that the Halfling man with the armor and the
drink just kind of nervously sips it and looks away and says yeah, I don't matter. No, probably just you know
Build the fire somewhere. Okay, Danny
Can I go up to him and say what do we need to do to get you to
Vacate your room so we can have the whole place to ourselves
Because we're apparently we're out right now
Yeah, double booked our swampy and beat with bullywos.
Do you have like a receipt for this swamp being beat?
I'm very confused.
We have this business.
Niant, we have emails, right?
Yeah, there's a paper trail.
I booked it.
Did you?
It was booking.com or Travago.
It was Travago.
You're not doing to a third party. Not because you're nervously looking at his phone.
Not yet.
Now we're gonna have to go to the third party
to complain and we can't just complain
to the swan B&B.
That was nervously looking at deals for so long
that he never actually booked the place.
My God.
All right, yes, we're desperately needing, okay.
This is actually perfect because you know what?
You guys look like you're on the level.
You look like you're pretty tough, honestly.
I think you can help me out here.
I'm gonna be straight with you.
I lost the teens, okay.
Amazing.
The green teens that we're here for the jamberine,
we're gonna have a big festival and everything.
Okay, I lost them.
I'm sorry, just walk it back.
What is a green teen?
A green teen? Yeah. What is a green team? A green team? Yeah.
What's a festival?
I'll also, what is it, too?
You don't have to answer that.
Okay, right, yeah, let me back up.
Green teams, it's a good junior,
palleted organization.
We teach the kids about baller, nature,
and also how to infuse swords with holy energy.
And anyway, this weekend was supposed to be like
a big retreat for them.
They were gonna play games, sing songs,
we're gonna do a tour of the Moonstone Bay
so they could see the Trident that's down there.
There's a magic Trident down there
to track the fish.
Jesus Christ, this is so boring.
We don't care, man.
We don't wanna go to a freaking Boy Scout party here, no?
Well, so actually, I think the way it was gonna work is like we were all gonna stay in one
room, there's some like bunks in there, and I think the barbarians have the other room
book, so it's basically just the two rooms up there, the barbarians have one, I've got one,
but here's the thing, I would happily give you my room if you could get these green teens
back because I took them out on the boat, shea the druid over in the druid circle said not
to, but I did it anyway.
I sure as heck did it anyway.
Okay, well, some bully wants to the kids.
The bully hooks got the green teens.
Okay, they've been abducted.
You know, you know what, I thought bravely,
I sure did ask anyone, ask anyone that was there.
There isn't a single scuff on your armor.
Your sword looks like it hasn't been withdrawn.
Can I ask the bartender? Excuse me, Miss. Did he fight bravely?
I wasn't there, but almost certainly not.
Yeah. Okay.
I admire your self-preservation.
Okay, this is the way I am seeing it.
It's like, subbarbarians at one room.
Okay.
This guy, as in us a room, we want the whole thing.
Correct. I only rent entire place. We went entire place. Okay. This guy as an as a room. We want the whole thing. I only
rent entire place. We went entire place. That's what that was my
search prefer. I'm not going to. Yes. You can't if you one more time say
that you're going through a third party. I'm going to take the the
glove bag away from you. Okay. You know what that would be like
Nyak? That be like if I had someone else hold the bags for you for me
Does that make sense? It's just like one of those captain obvious commercials
Like the hotel, okay
Sorry, we don't so I have an idea
Clearly we have do problems here. What is the teenagers? Okay?
The other is a barbarians all right, so why don't we just go?
Why don't I just test out the waters and just try to hit one and see if they are as strong as they look
What is that help the green team situation?
We have to
Dead rip problem should we just ask if they'll give us the room? Oh, that's a really I really don't hate on it's just
punching someone
I've always wanted to get into a bar fight in a foreign land. That's that's cool with me
What do we what do we think is that would be so
rustic if we got a day of our fight it would be pretty rusty
I walk over to them and I say
This guy and I pointed Jen's wanted to fight you, but I'm going to pull him in.
He asked you to fake it, you're right.
What?
What?
Niantk not knowing what she said just gives a thumbs up and nod.
And then I get distracted by them on the aisle again.
I just turned to the bartender, so scared.
Can we get six margaritas?
What is that?
What is a margarita?
Okay, God, it's like tequila.
You do like coin tro.
Maybe we do a little salt on the rim.
We don't even need the coin tro.
Just whatever kind of liquor you have. We have ale, we have grog, we have fish.
We'll take some fish grog margaritas.
I'm good, I'm good and possibly.
Yeah, the bartender whose name is Mishka.
Thanks for a second, grunts then goes over,
pulls out some cups, pour some grog into it,
squeezes a little like fish oil on top,
stirs it around, and then slams it in front of you.
Just take it and don't cause any more trouble.
Naya grabs it and runs it over to a barbarian,
trips and throws it in someone's face. Oh!
Are you throwing it in a barbarian's face or are you doing this accidentally? A barbarian.
You see, as you're coming over with all these drinks, the barbarians are like,
Oh, finally, I was about to get a little impatient!
Oh!
Oh, it was in there! It stinks my eyes!
Oh, get up, boys up this part of Rita sir
This is disgusting. We just wanted ale clearly. We wanted ale you said you wanted a drink
Okay, and a fish margarita is a drink you are so fucking pedantic
Whoa whoa whoa, let's secure the B&B
Let's kill him! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Let's secure the B&B!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
You see, Diny looks equally freaked out as Nyaak.
Everybody roll initiative.
Yes.
21.
Nyaak got a 10, just 12.
All right, 10 for Nyaak.
12 for Jens.
Excellent.
Oh, I got a roll for Q chain as well.
So, Nyaak, you spilled this drink. Oh, I got a roll for keychain as well So
Nyak you spilled this drink. Oh, it was an accident
Nyak you spilled this drink in the headbarbarians face you wipes it off looks furious
His nostrils flare and he just shouts get him but onyx
You were already over there. you were making plans of your own.
I see Zahead Barbarian and I'm like, I had to choose one to date, it will be you and then I attack him.
Confusing.
Oh, first I do my Hexblade curse on him.
Okay.
Does an 18 hit.
Yes. He't 18 hit. Yes.
Okay.
He is shirtless.
So I am going to do a fifth level smite.
You see the shirtless barbarian looks at niaconsist.
We could have been pals.
Look, you're shirtless, I'm shirtless.
This could have really worked.
You just yelled get them at me.
You spilled a drink on me and This is not even a apologize.
You touched our bags.
You started this.
What's even in those bags?
They're so heavy and there's so many of them.
Gloves and mirrors you ask.
Okay, how much damage on it?
55 damage.
We're doing cleave rules, right?
And I pick up my mall to do a second attack.
Is he okay?
I suppose I do owe you an apology after all.
Oh, I'm next.
You've seen this barbarian.
Like, picks up his mace, spins it around,
kind of grins a little bit and says, show me what you got.
And then you instantly just slash into him
with this arcane energy.
What happens?
I think that as I slash into him,
it's so hard that it splits him in half.
And then rack focus to death on the Nile.
I'm keychain. And I say, you are in my way. And then, Rack focus to death on the Nile.
I'm Keachane, and I say, you are in my way.
Holy shit!
Is it Keachane turns around?
Whoa!
Keachane, they're back around!
Okay, sorry.
Get them burnos, that game.
There's blood everywhere.
You've showered the zooplacin guts!
Okay, so that was how much damage?
55. 55, I am was how much damage? 55.
55, I am going to see if the cleave applies.
Well, I mean, it definitely does, but I'm gonna see how many,
how many more you can get.
You see it was four barbarians.
It was cropped the lead barbarian,
and then like three kind of minions grouped around.
You cleave, and then like the excess arcane energy,
just kind of blast on either side.
He just explodes in the guts.
So you're able to take out three barbarians in one go,
and then you see like the one remaining barbarian,
just like holding a club looking around like,
oh, oh, oh, don't worry everyone, we'll save you.
I turned to the bar bravely.
Just give us five stars on our swampy and fee review.
Yeah, that is true, we need someone to work here.
Yeah, because we buy.
Do you want a job?
You see, it's not his turn, so he's just kind of like petrified, but like clearly isn't
going to make any dangerous moves.
Gens better.
I use my second attack to curtsy.
Go ahead.
Gens strides forward, looks at Denny and gives him a thumbs up,
covered in blood from Onyx's attack, pulls out his two swords,
says, good take three swings on the sky. That's a 19 to hit on the first attack.
That's a 24 to hit on the second attack and a 23 to hit on the third attack.
Why?
That's six.
I'm not important.
That's exactly 30, 34 damage.
Jins finished this barbeque.
Yeah, I bravely stride up.
I get up under his ribs into his lungs with one sword
and then do it on the other side with the other
and then just pull both apart and split them in half.
You see, as he dies, he screams out the window,
it says, grish, help!
What?
And then falls to his death.
And there's a moment of silence.
Everyone looks shocked.
And then you see the bar just start playing on his fiddle. Hey, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, All right, this place isn't so bad.
I grind it.
Onyx.
Onyx, you're making a scene.
We didn't even start, we didn't even start partying yet.
You're already grinding.
Do you want to sip your drink first? So you see that the initial shock passes,
the fisherman, they've seen people get murdered in this town before it's clearly overrun
with barbarians. So they kind of just go back to their drinks and mind their own business.
They look a little scared of you now as opposed to the barbarian. Right. Mishka kind of
just sighs, walks out from behind the bar, grabs a mop, and then she starts
kind of like pushing the barbarian through the kitchen.
That's awesome.
Do you have like a drainage thing back there?
I'm just going to chop them up and then like put them in a trash bag and just toss them
in the dumpster unless you get a better idea.
Okay, that's very little too good at dispensing out of the bag.
I love your energy, honestly.
You know what?
I kind of love your whole energy too.
I was a little iffy at first when you came in here,
but y'all are fucking strong, that was great.
Oh, thanks, yeah.
Really nice to have people like you in town.
Honestly, ever since the dragon was defeated,
these barbarians have just been pouring in.
They kicked out the town council.
Now they've just all camped out at the mayor's lodge,
and they basically run the place.
Okay, I hear it lodge.
Lodge, yeah.
The mayor's house, that sounds really nice.
If there's a better swampy and bee
than you have to tell us.
Yeah, this place only has two rooms.
Yeah, I'm the only person that when I look up swampy and bees,
I put a minimum price.
Like I add, I want it to be expensive.
So I don't know what a margarita is. I don't
know what a B and B is. Okay, but is a large bigger census. Yeah, much bigger than this.
Okay. So just, yeah, say that. Yeah, and there's more to those guys here. There's a lot
more there. Yeah. Okay. No, that's fine. These guys were easy. Well, just these were just
kind of like the local drunk barbarians. If they hadn't died, they would probably have gotten in trouble
for fucking off and getting drunk during their shift.
So you're saying no one is looking for them?
They might be looking for them soon.
But currently, people aren't really worried
about those barbarians.
But if they don't come back in a couple of hours,
more barbarians are probably going to start looking around.
Is that I would love to drink my fish, crack, marina,
and finish this on my dial.
Let's have a quick mark and then we'll just go kill everyone in that man.
Yeah, yeah, okay.
Oh great, does that sound good to everyone?
Yeah, it's on me.
Margarita's on me again.
Yeah, we're still gonna get those green teens though, right?
Okay, but we don't really need it anymore, right?
What do you think?
Yeah, because we don't need this room. What are you offering us now? Yeah, because we don't really need it anymore, right? What do you think? We don't need this room.
What are you offering us now?
Yeah, because we don't need this room.
Again, we don't need the room.
And now we're gonna move into a mansion.
So wait.
Hang on, hang on, hang on.
I could be potentially in a lot of trouble
if something happens to those green teens.
Okay, don't care.
We can make one phone call.
Okay, I'm just gonna make one phone call.
Just hang tight.
You see this scout leader leader whose name is Diny
pulls out a little speaking stone,
speaks into it and says, hey, dad?
Yeah, dad, can you move like, how much do you need?
God, I'm dead.
We need rare relics.
I do a, Jen's does a doctor evil impression.
One million dollars
Like so proud of himself
He can is facing a wall so you can see the TV but he laughs
He can't is facing a wall so you can see the TV but he laughs
Dad I need you to put one million dollars in my account a minute a little bit of trouble dad, okay?
You hear I'm like a halfling man on the other end yelling and he's like yeah, I know we'll talk about it later dad Can you just freaking bail me out, please? Yeah? Yeah, okay? Okay? I love you, bye
He hangs up the speaking stone says all right, so if you bail me out please. Yeah? You okay, okay, I love you, bye.
He hangs up the speaking stone, he says,
all right, so if you help me out,
I can hook you up big time.
You know what?
My family's kind of a big deal over in Glatoron, all right?
Okay, I mean, don't demean us.
Actually, I just saw it about it,
and I'm starting to think that like,
maybe he's green deans need to be saved,
and like, maybe we should save them.
Yeah, yeah, chase that chase that and then chase that feeling.
I think we'll also yes, but for like supplies and stuff,
we'll need a million dollars.
Of course, we'll need the money, but it's not about the money.
We'll put it on our card so that we get the jet blue miles.
Yes, but then we are going to need to be reimbursed and it's we need to recoup the cost.
This is an investment for us just like this for you. Could you get us actually? No, we'll get our own carriage again
I'll fill out an expensive for it
We're gonna get a carriage from here to the mayor's manner
So it's literally just down the street. I don't know if you need a carriage
There is a little screen tweens look like again because we'll think we'll go find we're just gonna go straight
We're not coming back.
We're not coming back.
We're not coming back.
Yeah, we're not coming back.
We're not coming back.
We're not coming back.
We're not coming back.
We're not coming back.
We're not coming back.
We're not coming back.
We're not coming back.
We're not coming back.
We're not coming back.
We're not coming back.
We're not coming back.
We're not coming back.
We're not coming back.
We're not coming back.
We're not coming back.
We're not coming back.
We're not coming back.
We're not coming back. We're not coming back. We're not coming back. We're not coming bay. We were looking at the trident.
There's a magical trident down there. And then we just got ambushed by bully wugs
and they just dragged him off into that swamp.
From the goodness of our heart, we will do this. And we do need a million dollars.
We'll basically do a pro bono. It's at cost for us.
Right. We're not turning a profit on this. That's the thing is that it's going to cost it
because we're going to flip the swamp B and B.
Those are operating costs.
That's going to be totally understandable.
Totally understandable.
All right, so just the 500 grand now,
and then we'll go from there.
I don't know if the wire's gone through yet.
Okay, we'll wait.
Why don't we have our greatest?
I'm not finished with that on the Nile.
We'll have our margaritas.
And we will give you receipts.
Don't worry about that.
Yeah, you will.
You know, I lose a risk right?
Yeah, I know.
So guess that would be great for you.
Yeah, I'm also down to just spend it.
I'm trying to get into business school
and like, I can't have this on my record.
So any amount that I need to pay,
any amount that my dad needs to pay will be worth of rights.
What was your name again?
My name's Denny.
Denny Pepplepot. Denny, thank you so much for coming to us it took great
courage what you did thank you i feel very courageous i feel very good about
what i've done that's awesome
all right you all sit you see the michael comes the other side of the bar and
watches death with the Nile. Shit. This is pretty silly.
It's like a really bad film.
It's like amazingly bad.
You see Keychain rotates his arm all the way back and says,
Hello, I am Keychain. Please do me a cheater.
A keychain!
In the way of getting the right out.
Yes, keep going.
Okay, geez, geez.
All right.
Okay, so yeah, you know that more barbarians
might start coming to look for their dead friends
and like an hour or two.
So you finish up death on the Nile.
You toss back some fish or eaters.
We wait for the wire to hit.
And we just as soon as the wire hits.
I just as soon as the wire hits.
We're just waiting for the wire. We're just sitting there looking the wire hits. As soon as the wire hits. We're just waiting for the wire.
We're just sitting there looking at our phones.
If your dad loves you, I'm sure he did his same day of transfer.
You do wait a bit and then you see a very tired looking raven carrying a wire basket.
Oh, that's fun.
With 500,000.
That's awesome. What are,000. That's great. That's awesome. Ha! Ha!
Ha!
What are you about?
I love you.
Ha!
Ha!
This is a tired bird.
Oh, this is a family bird, Kaka.
Ha!
Kaka, Kaka, I wish you liked to join us.
Ha!
Ha!
You see that the bird is too tired to respond.
It kind of just plops over on the bar and Mishka brings it a little saucer of water.
It's kind of like while laying on its side,
licks the saucer.
A bed and breathless for caca.
Okay, great.
Yeah, we'll just, and we'll take half of that
and now we'll be back for half of it.
Sure thing, do you want me to come with you
or just stay here and pretend like nothing happened?
You can just stay here and pretend like nothing happened.
Yes, sir!
All right
Gives you a green teen salute. I like that guys vibe. All right. Okay, I'm not I pocket 500,000 gold. Yeah, wow He's on the level. That was cool. Yeah, that was awesome
That was really cool. One of my favorite favorite dudes for sure. Yeah cheers
He's a real one
Yeah, cheers. It's a real one.
It's an absolute real one.
Hey, Denny, you're all right.
Thanks, dude.
This is how I made all friends up until now, so I guess three more of the money way works.
All right.
Yeah, let's just go walk out and we'll take Denny's carriage up to the mayor's manner.
Great.
Yeah, that sounds good.
Maybe we can kind of get an idea of how many people
are in there.
Sure, yeah.
Cool, so you're going to leave the tavern?
Yeah.
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Great, I meant to do this before, but I never did. I'm going to describe the Moonstone Bay as you walk out. There you go. So you leave the tavern. As you arrived, night was falling,
but now it is totally dark. You see that the glowing waters of this enchanted bay
have lit up the entire village with this white blue glow.
It's kind of like snow reflecting moonlight.
It's just it's just like dirt path,
leading past the simple stone houses with thatched roofs.
Many of them covered in moss,
with purple and yellow and white flowers.
And as you take it all in, you feel this fresh scent into your nostrils,
and it smells like spring rain,
which is surprising because this is a fishing village
full of, as you saw inside, gross fish and grog.
Oh yeah, is the fish here smell better, I guess?
It smells good.
There must be a Yankee Candle around or something.
Can I do a perception check for a Yankee Candle?
Absolutely. Oh, I love Yankee Candle.
That is 14. 14. Yeah, Onyx, like a cartoon character, you like follow the scent of a Yankee Candle.
And you see that it is kind of like present all throughout because of like the perfume flowers,
but you get a strong hit of it over further down towards this like domed temple structure. You kind of gaze
over and you see there's this like temple right next to the bay and then like when you squint
further down down the trail you can see this big lodge in the very distance.
Okay, that is where all the Yankee candles are.
Okay. Should we detour before?
We could make our own candles we have 500 gold everyone
We could get every kind of candle even a big one. I say we do it before we kill these
Smart because that's a great way to furnish the man because it's gonna smell like shit when it's full of bodies
Right, and we're gonna want to like the candles right away
All right, so let's go ahead and, God,
I've never gone into a Yankee candle with $500,000.
Normally, I'm like, I don't wanna get a big candle
because it's $25.
I'm always buying them on lay-o-way.
Yes, I buy the Christmas ones when it's spring.
Wow, let's go buy them out.
Let's buy a seasonal one, right?
Yeah, let's just buy a winter one.
We can't afford it.
Okay, let's do it.
I'm sterile into the I'm thrilled into this.
With our heads held high for once.
For once we don't skulk into a Yankee candle.
It's like the pretty woman scene with Julia Roberts
going back to the draw shop.
You all load up into Denny's Amerald Green carriage
and the Hors trot trot trot
about three yards over to the temple.
I love slow living.
You only get this from trouble.
You only, I'm gonna get swamp living
as one of those like live laugh love poses.
You park the carriage outside of this temple.
And as you get near it,
you see that it's got this like big domed roof
that's actually got like a hole in the top.
On the outside, you see this crest of this spiral wave pattern
that seems to be related to one of the local deities.
And you see that the door is slightly ajar
and you're welcome to enter.
Oh, it's open.
We don't have to break to enter.
It's ajar.
Yeah, it's ajar.
We waltz right in. Hello.
You guys are open. Are you open? Are you guys open? You guys are open at night. That's great.
You enter and you do see a room
packed with candles. There's like bookshelves on all the walls of this kind of like octagonal structure
There's like old books that are kind of like mossy and worn.
And then like in the gaps in the bookshelf,
there are a ton of candles.
You see all these like druid acolytes kind of pouring over them,
attending to the candles, lighting them as like night falls.
In the center of the room, you see like this big beam of moonlight,
hitting a huge bed of flowers.
And in the center of this flower bed,
you see this kind of ageless,
druidic woman meditating.
She's got this like silver gray hair
and a pretty fit body, all things considered.
Okay, so I start browsing,
but my body language says,
I'm not the kind of shopper that one's used to talk to them.
So I'm just picking up candles looking for prices.
Ah, welcome to the Temple of Melora.
Thank you so much for admiring our candles.
Why are you picking that up?
Oh, we were just wondering how many candles
we could buy for $500,000.
I'm sorry, how much?
$500,000.
It's everyone's cool. We have to save some to buy. But we're going to get more. Later, we? $500,000. It's everyone's cool.
We have to save some to buy.
But we're going to get more.
Later, we get $500,000.
And we're done.
$500 gold, you said?
$500,000.
You see that this druid looks to the side and says,
Jesus Christ, under her breath.
Wow, $500,000.
Mateo, Mateo, yes, please help our friends here.
They would like to purchase some of our candles,
the candles we are so famous for, yes.
Wow.
Show us the most expensive ones first, please.
Yeah, can we look at your biggest stinkiest?
We need one that's stank.
You see this beautiful half-elf druid,
who's like shirtless and wearing a green cloak walks over,
whips the hair out of his face and says,
yeah, you want some of our big stinky boys?
Yeah, yeah, we want a filler candle
that really a pungent filler candle.
All right, all right, yeah.
You see that the druidic woman and the man,
they kind of like share a wink and they smile.
They just started pulling out their basket.
They're fucking right.
What was that thing about?
Damn, things are getting messy at the Sianky candle.
This woman is a classic gal Gadot.
I don't know what that means.
We're all friends here.
I know it's the temple of Melora.
We all like worship the indifference of nature, and also we do sell candles.
Thank you so much for inquiring about that.
Great.
Yeah, how many can I put you down for?
Just $500,000.
Wow, okay.
That's it.
Because we have one million dollars.
It does.
My neck lasts like, it's the first time he heard it
Remember the 90s
So these druids they all like they summon the rest of the druids that are like working in this temple
They all just grab every candle you see they leave a few they don't give you all the candles
They do give you like a basket full of candles
and say, yep, here they are. Each of these is blessed with Melora's grant and difference.
I have to do an insight check because I shop a lot. Okay. And I need to make sure that
is where smart shoppers. I need to be a smart shopper. So I'm going to do a shopping
insight check.
Jen is saying that there's a few candles left over and he reassures Mateo and Shay and goes,
don't worry, we have 500,000 more coming in soon.
I got a 16.
16?
You kind of give a penetrating look to Shay.
And she's like, all right, you caught me.
For such a dignified shopper as yourself,
someone so shrewd,
I'm gonna throw in a couple of extra potions for you.
How does that sound?
No insight needed, I am so.
Yeah, wait, man, potions.
What's that in a potions, T.F.?
Well, let me see, we've got some water walking potions,
got about three of those,
and then actually three healing potions,
if that interests you.
Yeah. Well, T.F. Kombucha. T.F. actually three healing potions, if that interests you. Yeah.
Well, do you have kombucha?
Do you have kombucha?
So much.
So much.
Would you like to do a few kombuchas?
Yeah.
If I could give you a kombucha, I would love to meet
Semazar.
She takes you back to a little closet
and shows you that weird sponge you don't have.
The scoby.
Yeah.
There it is.
I tried to fight it.
We named it Thistle.
We named it Thistle after the mother of our village.
She's actually the one that put that trident
in the bottom of the bay way back in the day.
That's so good.
Is the trident for sale?
Can I take it?
It's kind of essential to the bay and the whole bay experience
because it's got a really powerful
dominate B-spell put on it and it draws fish in here and that's kind of like
we're a fishing village so if you two that is like a sea world thing it is a
little bit of a sea world thing yeah I'm so sorry about all the documentaries
I can absolutely premise you I won't try to seal that
well we hey we're going to be part of this too,
because we are getting the swamp B&B.
Yeah, I mean, of course.
We actually have some things to do.
We have to secure our lodgings for the night.
So we'll just take the candles.
Yes, we're moving into the mayors.
I think you're kind of looking at the three new mayors.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Are you going to help us with our barbarian problem?
Yeah.
Actually, yes, indirectly, but yes.
Yes.
And are you going to help us deliver all of these candles
to our new lodge later?
Because a little too many to carry.
I agree.
As a majest, you've been sent neatly into a basket.
I think you can go further.
Yeah, actually.
Yeah.
Pieter.
Pieter.
She calls over to this deer centaur in the corner.
He like clops over and says, I would
be happy to carry them on my antlers
once you kill all the barbarians.
OK, cool.
That's great.
Can we just get a quick receipt?
Because technically these are supplies.
Yes, yes, of course.
This is all very standard.
We sell candles.
We sell candles every day.
Yes, great.
Cool, all right.
Well, now that we have the receipt,
yeah, let's go.
It's all build up.
We'll kill the barbarians.
We'll like the candles to make our homes smell good.
And then we'll move on. And make our homes smell good. And then we'll move in.
And then our rustic swamp retreat will begin.
Yes, and then we had to go save the kids.
We had to save the kids so that we get the other 500, so we can buy more candles.
That's true.
Did Danny take those kids under the swamp?
I told him not to do that.
He did it.
Did the bullywugs take them?
Yes. I honestly had tuned out a lot while you were stuck in.
Yeah, we tuned out.
They're in the woods, I don't, uh, wow.
Wow, yeah, they were, this is great.
You know what, me and Melora bless you
with her indifference.
Good luck, Godspeed, on your mission.
We'll be here if you need more candles.
We will.
We will.
We will.
We will see. You've got a few in the back. and those must be pretty expensive because we spent 500,000 dollars. Oh, yeah, those are
exclusive. Oh, yes. All right single mold single print
Appreciate it. Well, we'll be going. Okay. Thank you for the receipt
You see they all put their hands behind their backs and I'm like wait for you to leave and as soon as you exit
They had just start cheering while we unwittingly pump a ton of money in the town.
Cut to the rise of the cruel cult of Malorra.
You did see in the corner a little like easel that said, Shae's Way brand yoga mats.
Hello, I'm Jack from Newark.
I would love that if I did yoga.
All right, let's go on over to the Mayors mansion.
All right.
Yeah, you proceed on as you gallop along in your little carriage.
It is a halfling sized carriage,
so it's not super comfortable.
You're kind of hanging out the sides.
For you, it's a tight ride.
It feels kind of like the Disneyland version of a carriage,
but it is a convertible, so you can open the top.
Got it.
Naya, walk alongside it.
Of course.
And I'm going to cast flame arrows on my quiver
to light the way and also have those ready to go.
OK.
So as you walk, you do see some more houses.
And you also see a little boat dock.
There's a couple of dingy tied up.
At the end of the dock, you see this sole barbarian half-orc sitting at the end.
They seem to be meditating, not really paying much attention to you.
It actually kind of looks like they're staring at the trident.
Okay, right.
Okay, look, someone's not paying attention to you.
Perfect.
Well, might as well start here.
I'm going to go ahead and stealth up.
Okay.
We should have a boat.
We have a lodge.
We should also have a boat.
That's important.
Okay.
I'm embarrassed that we haven't had a boat in time now.
You know what?
Why don't we do this?
I'll go ahead and cast greater invisibility on myself.
Rad.
So that's...
See, I go and roll that with advantage, I guess.
Yes. Okay, so that's... I actually don't have proficiency in stealth
But I got an 18 18
One's passive perception was 14. Okay stealth up successfully. You see that he's kind of in like this meditative state
The shaman's name is one. Okay. I'll say that you found a roster of all the barbarians in crooks pocket
Okay, great. Yeah, he's just kind of like staring off
in this translate state looking at the Trident.
What do you want to do?
I just try to cut his head off as silently as possible.
You see that Keychain puts death on the Nile on mute.
You started it again, Keychain.
I am a DVD menu.
27 to hit on the first attack. 30 27 hit on the first attack.
30 to hit on the second attack.
25 dead on the third attack.
Oh, fucking funny.
Those are all above 20 you said.
Yeah, great.
Even with Luns, furious bark skin,
you managed to just slice right into him.
Go ahead and do your damage.
Great. And I'll do a Bartik Flourage as well.
32 damage.
Jens, you stand behind this druid,
who's like staring off into the water,
and you hear him go, yes, our plan is coming into fruition.
I don't know what you're talking about, dude.
Now just cut his head off like there's scissors.
What?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Get it, Brad, I'll present Slay on the Bay.
Yeah.
I just kick his body into the water.
All right.
I love just watching this from afar, completely unmuted.
Yeah. I golf clap watching this from afar, completely unmoodled.
Yeah.
I golf clap for Jens.
Yeah, we totally golf clap in the back row.
Which boat is ours now?
I think we can have what everyone's we want.
Yeah, why don't you give me a perception check
to see what boat you see.
19.
19?
I leave for a yacht, ideally of an oil tycoon.
22, 22.
Where'd you get next?
I got a seven, but I'm also looking for the Bezos boat.
Ha ha ha.
You do see the moonstone bake,
equivalent of the Bezos boat, which would of course be,
I guess like the mayor speedboat.
Whoa.
Okay, so the mayor's speedboat.
The swampy and bee.
Okay.
That comes with the swampy and bee.
This swampy and bee is getting even more attractive.
Great.
So you see the speedboat.
It's got like actual little like steam methods attached to it so that it can like really
freaking jet across the water.
But as you're looking at the boat, you also notice the blood from this barbarian shaman
like leaking into the water. And as it does, you see it kind of like starts to like swirl
around the trident glow in the center of the lake. And then for just a moment, you see this
like imperceptible flash of color or actually lack of color, you see that suddenly everything
turns gray
and then everything's back to normal.
Huh.
Is it like what are filtration?
Why don't you give me an insight or a arcana or nature?
Ooh, I can do nature.
Yeah, no I can't.
I should be able to but I can't.
What'd you get?
Seven.
Nike, what'd you get? Seven. Nine, what'd you get?
16.
16.
Nine with a 16, you know, you are an outdoorsy sort
and you've been around some magic items in your day.
You're not quite sure,
but you do think that maybe this tried and refuels itself
by kind of like taking in any possible like sources
of energy that it can find within the water
so that might just be how it works.
That might go just all.
This is going to turn the trident into like an evil weapon because it's powered by blood
now.
Oh, interesting.
That's pretty freaking metal.
I want it even more now.
Okay.
What if we piss in the lake?
What if we powered by piss?
No one pisses away.
No one pisses away.
No one piss. I don't want the only one way to find out.
No one piss, no one piss, I don't want the piss
stratic.
I tickle my ax.
Stop.
Are you going to piss in the lake?
Well, Jen's told me not to.
Sorry.
I can't piss unless I'm command.
Good boy.
All right.
Yeah, I'm already halfway walking to the mayor's man.
Are we going?
Yeah, let's do this.
Should we, like, have any sort of subterfuge or pretense?
Why don't you give me a perception check as you approach the manner?
Can I do this guys' help to give us cute made outfits?
Great. So yeah, you see this like man are kind of like looming at the edge of town.
From within you can kind of hear these faint sounds of revelry. You see that the lights
are illuminated. It's like basically this and the tavern are the only place where lights
are still on. And ahead of you, you see two barbarians like standing guard in front of
this sturdy stone gate.
They both look a little bummed that they're on guard duty and not living it up inside
like the rest of their friends.
Oh, do you guys want to like get dressed up in party and then take the swampy and pee?
Do you not like to queue to made outfits like off?
No, they're really cute.
You're wearing it and now you're talking about changing.
Look, we all agree that the...
If you don't like it. Why would we take off this awesome made outfit? Nayaq is wearing it and now you're talking about changing look we all agree that though Why would we take off this awesome made-out fit Nayaq is wearing it backwards
No, it's great don't cry on it's my god. It's okay on it. We have the plan and we're sticking to it
Jens is going to apologize
All right, I'm gonna...
I just...
I just wanted to do something cute.
Okay, no, it's very cute, so we're all gonna keep with the French-made outfits.
We all look very sexy, and we walk to the guards.
Hello, we are the...
...sexy-made.
Did someone order a deep clean?
Everyone give me deception checks.
25.
21.
Naya got a six. Can you believe the other two are mates?
I think that like two out of three is pretty good.
You see these barbarians like look at each other, kind of look at Niaq, then size up the
other two of you, look at each other and go, oh yeah.
Write this way.
Let's get cleaning shall we?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh yeah. This is gonna be good. Let's get cleaning shall we? Yeah! Yeah!
Oh yeah, this is gonna be good!
I got some stuff you can clean.
Oh you're a very dirty boy.
Yeah, why don't we all pitch in and clean together that way?
I was thinking we could start with cleaning your weapons.
Oh it's a great idea! Yeah, they're all dirty.
Well, with all the murder we've been doing.
Yeah, so just give me our weapons.
Yeah.
Make a persuasion check and take off your shirt.
Yeah, give us your sword, man.
All right.
Do you guys want a party?
Dirty Swanty.
We are party, eh.
You see, they got a glance back at the lodge
because I know that they're supposed to be on duty, but they're like
Whatever guess we can get first dibs on they both whip off their like leather armor and hand you their
We were gonna party this is a party for you
Fucked up, this is that we party
You see one of them's like this is terrible the other ones like I'm gonna into it. Oh
Gonna into it though I know
I guess go in roll nish. Great
That's just an 11 for old gents. Oh 23. It's a 21 for Naya. Okay Um, I guess go and roll in it. Great.
That's just an 11 for old Gens. Uh, 23.
It's a 21 for Naya.
Okay.
Um, let me get these real quick.
Okay.
Um, so you see that you know how these two naked weaponless barbarians,
just bracing for whatever is going to happen.
Um, Onyx, you are first.
Okay. I'm just going to attack
No smite. This is sexy anymore
First things first explain cars and then does a
258
25 absolutely hits these naked barbarians
Does a 24 it 24 hits. 24 hits, yeah? Okay, so, total.
42 damage.
Even without smite.
Ha, ha, ha.
Onyx, you kill him so hard you hear the horses get disturbed.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Woo, woo, woo, woo.
Yes, fear me.
Ha, ha, ha. Well, this place comes with free horses too. That's just, ha, ha. Yes, fear me.
Wow, this place comes with free horses too.
This is a swampy and bee plus everyone.
And I will say that because of all the loud noise inside, nobody inside has heard you
yet.
You have killed two of these barbarians that were guarding the Stone Gate.
You were free to enter the lodge.
Great.
Do you guys want to do this sort of like an MMO like I can run in and just pull a bunch out
And we just kill them a little bit at a time. So fun. I love that. Yes. Okay. I'll pull right guys you guys wait out here
I just gonna run in and attack it's like skeet shooting
You just toss them out the window and I could shoot them with my arrow. Oh, that's so good going
I could shoot them with my arrow. Oh, that's so good.
Go in, toss them out, so we can toss them out.
Perfect.
We're gonna go in.
I'm just gonna run in the house
and attack someone to run away.
Okay.
Folks, it's silly, I love it.
All right, so, Jins, are you just going right in
through the front door?
I'm just running it through the front.
I'm running in like it's World of Warcraftcraft and I'm just pulling somebody back to my party
This is so good because we've been playing so much a world of workcraft so much
I have world of workcraft installed on my head. I like to play I
Put down my weapon
Can you level my all to count for me, please?
Okay.
So, Jens, you burst open the door.
You see kind of like this big open chamber.
There's like a big stairway in the back leading up to like a second story balcony.
You see a lot of like rooms.
There's kind of like barbarians milling all about.
Some of them are drinking. some of them are passed out.
And then a few you see around the second story balcony trying to like jump off and like hang
onto this like big like amber chandelier.
But as soon as you burst in, they all go, what?
You see that there's one in the far back by the stairs and this big makeshift throne made of furniture.
He's got like long hair and it's kind of like grinning
and sipping this like stolen goblet of wine.
And as soon as you enter, he says,
well, well, well, who we got here?
Just running straight at him.
Like, who's my sword out?
Gonna just stab him in the face.
Stop.
He's like, he's so confident.
He's got so much sweater.
He's like standing up, so he's like,
oh, look, so the entertainment's arrived.
You are in a made-up fit.
I'm just silent.
He's still in a cute made costume.
Yeah, I'm still in a cute made costume.
I just sprint together. How are you doing? Stop. I'm talking to you. I'm talking silent. We still in a cute maid costume. Yeah, I'm still in a cute maid costume. I just sprint together.
How are you doing?
Stop.
I'm talking to you.
I'm talking to you.
I'm thrashing in the ball bearing.
I'm clom, clom, clom, clom.
Right.
You're gonna take opportunity attacks
from this swarm of barbarians all around you.
Great.
So let me go ahead and roll that real quick.
So you were going to take, oh, well, they did crit. Great. So let me go and roll that real quick. So you were going to take, um, oh, well,
they did crit. Great. So that's fun. Uh, so that's going to be, uh, you take 21 points of damage.
Wow. All these barbarians see what you're about to do. Just start running towards you and stab
him with dagger. Okay, we're gonna have a bump. So that's, are you guys okay? Have your spells
and stuff ready? What the fuck are you doing? We got a bunch ready
Including the main guy hold on me roll initiative. Okay, folks
Do you want me to roll do initiative? That's a new 20 no we can keep her old initiative. Okay. I rolled I rolled two net 20s
roll initiative that's a new 20 no we can keep her old initiative I rolled I've rolled two net 20s so so yeah I'm finally gonna get you imagine if I died right
now it'd be awesome
all right it's very funny that I rolled a net 20 but there's still two people up
I'm in the order okay so Jen you just pull aggro on all these barbarians
they're just like a swarm stabbing into you with these daggers.
Oh shit, they're blocking these guys, they'll be on the second.
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! I'm gonna hold my turn
Diac your next what are you gonna do I'll hold my action. Yeah, I
Got this guys don't worry
Yep, and pull
All right, so you see that Gresh jumps to his feet now tosses this goblet down
Grash jumps to his feet now tosses this goblet down. No! I
Wanted that guy. I'm sorry. Was that not hospitable enough for you? No, it wasn't
Listen mate. I'm gonna be drinking from your skull when this is over so I wouldn't be complaining too much
You wish my skull would make a great goblet
Yeah, he only has a couple bumps
Who said that?
So he is going to pull out a dagger and he's going to start stabbing it.
He's just going to join the stabbing fray at the point.
We roll some attacks here.
Fuck, that's a third net.
Shit, wow.
I can't believe I'm wasting my net, Twinnies, on this stupid encounter.
So I was going to die.
Okay, so that's in that 20, 16 hit you?
No.
And then, okay.
All right, so only the Nat Twentie hits.
So you see like, he like twirls his dagger
around real fancy like and gets a couple stabs in.
Ow, that is going to be, let's see here.
Watch out, dude, I'm about to roll 2d4
That's gonna be a seven damage my man, okay
I do it. How are you looking? I'm okay. I'll be out in a second again. There's a flocking me
They're just like me when all the stabbing
He stabs into you. You just look at him shark. I it doesn't affect you
What the fuck is wrong with you man? He stabs into you. You just look at him shark-eyed. It doesn't affect you at all.
What the fuck is wrong with you, man? We did it. We've done a bunch of stuff before.
What does that mean? What do you mean you just stuck?
Gone around, we killed a bunch of guys before. There was somebody, there was something with crystals.
We spent $500,000 on cans to pay.
We spent $500,000 on candles.
He's got to be a trick. Keep attacking, mates. He's got to be a trick keep attacking mates
he's got to be a trick he's a trickster he's a freaking trickster
that's right down the tank keep attacking me
is it just me or is he such a Ross
you're being a real galorite man
what does this even mean?
are you speaking English?
I haven't seen friends
okay spares them for watching friends.
Okay, should I turn on friends?
Yes, turn on friends.
So I would have a good one, that's a great pilot.
Normally I might tell you to just dive into it a little bit, but man, the sandwich sets it up.
Let's start with Rachel just running into the central perk, huh?
So the friends theme starts playing.
It's all of these barbarians start chasing you, Jens.
That is going to be the Swarms turn.
Great.
Okay, so the barbarians are going to take two attacks real quick on your Jens.
As I'm getting attacked, I'm just explaining friends to them.
So I'm kind of the Rachel of the group,
whereas Nyax, Nyax, Chandler, and Honnicks.
Nature Chandler vibes.
Honnicks is kind of also a Rachel, so we've got kind of a two-raachal crew.
Well, actually, she could be a Joey as well.
Yeah.
Keychain is a Gunther.
Wow, Classic Gunther.
I can't disagree with who I am.
17 and 15 both miss, I believe, right?
Both miss.
Great.
So you're just beautifully dodging and weaving
as you're just like rolling it to talk to your about friends.
Great.
Do you want to make sort of like a persuasion check or something to start like drawing them out?
No, I'm just going to chain lightning them and run away.
Great, cool.
All right, fantastic.
Cool, I need Dex saves from three of them.
Including Garache.
That is your move, so Dex saves.
They are operating as a swarm.
So I'm going to just do one for all of them.
Cool.
See, okay, they absolutely fail.
Great.
Fantastic, the El Garache fail. Great. Fantastic.
The Elgresh does.
Doesn't 11 pass?
No.
Okay, yeah, so they have all grouped up on you.
And as you're telling them about the characters from friends, your eyes start glowing, like
raiding from Mortal Kombat.
Yeah, I just hold up my sword, like I'm stormed from the X-Men.
The lightning hits it and just explodes out
It does 45 damage to each one
Did each one to three of them? Oh my god, and if they're storms, they would be to the storms
So you fully kill all the barbarians?
Oh, oh shit. Sorry. Did you guys get experience for that?
What the fuck did you do? What is wrong with you? Oh, oh shit, sorry. Did you guys get experience for that? What the fuck did you do? What is wrong with you?
Oh, what are you? Holy shit, you're still alive. I run away from Gresh and try to pull him out.
Gresh, can you just sign some paperwork?
You need to transfer the deed of the man to us. We're gonna be running it as an Airbnb.
I've spent too much time in this town. I've worked
too hard. I'm not going down like this. Grisha going out without a fight. So no one shall do
life is gonna be this way. What does that mean? Grisha's a joke. Your lodge is broke.
Your lodge is broke. And your life is DOA.
What you say about my love life?
No, your eyes are alive.
Just your actual life, man.
Devastating.
You do see that Grish takes the hit.
It's like leather, Paul Dran is singed.
His long brown hair is just curling up and frizzy now. He looks like
shit, but he is going to start chasing you, Jens. I run out into the courtyard. Cool, but he can't do
that yet because it is Onyx's turn. He's garish all that is left. You see that garish was left,
and then there were two barbarians hanging from the antler chandelier that just kind of tried to
hide up there. Okay, we can deal with them later. I'm going to go after Gharash.
You're great. You have a held action if you want to use that too.
Oh, okay. I'm going to exploit Kirst. Okay, great.
Does a 20 hit. Absolutely.
19, I finally crits. Nice.
I'm going to exploit Kirst. I fact it, it's too fun. I am going to do one smite. What do you mean? What do you mean you create? What does that mean?
It means you're a berry.
That was the name of Rachel's axe, right?
Does anyone remember the dentist?
This speaking in tongues.
That sounds right.
That sounds right.
That sounds right to everyone.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're a berry, dude.
Chrome! Tag her! Get off of that shandleleer and help me!
You see, Garesh just pathetically calls through the barbarians on the shandleer,
but they just kind of like hide as if they're not there.
Stay up there. We need someone to mount our candles.
I do a hundred and nine damage. Jesus Christ.
Because I hid twice, one was a crit, and I used my smite on the crit.
Can you bat his skull at the other guy who I'm a chandelier?
Onyx.
And I actually curse on him and life drinker so.
You kill him like four times over.
What do you do?
Please describe this for me.
I am trying to feed the Dryden to become more evil, so it is worse if my hands.
So I kill him and I toss him into the bay and I see the dragon of Zorupzim. Um, Onyx, as you do this, you do see that garretches body like slowly whirlpools towards
the center, and as you reach the middle, the trident kind of flares purple and then it flickers,
and as it flickers, all of the color from the bay drains away and you start to hear this like
Warbling staticie noise and then it flickers again and everything's back to normal
It's so cursed I love it
Yeah, that's a fun thing happens to our boat. Yeah, that's perfectly fine. Keep it on our boat still you and I in the mayor's
I remember I had one point had a curse weapon and I kind of miss it
Can I just point my arrows at one of the guys on the chandeliers and demand that they give us the keys to the boat?
Do you want to just maybe
Get some
We're stuck up here actually.
Oh, okay, yeah.
No, it's gonna be a thing.
They're asking for help.
Just, okay, okay.
I think I'll just holster my bow and arrow and let them hang
until they have to fall and die from the fall.
Please, we jumped up here to hide and now we can't get down.
I have to go to the bathroom.
Okay, no, it's crazy.
No, I think I might pee up there, so just, please.
There's a ceiling fan up there,
and if they start being, it's going to scatter everywhere.
Yeah, I really can't help but water.
Okay, I'll shoot them twice,
and also with my held action,
so that is a 31, 26,
a 27 and a 30 to hit.
All those arrows are on fire.
I don't care for a, Matt.
I swear to God if we burn down our swampy me.
I'm gonna get to enjoy it.
I do believe that when you shoot fire arrows,
it does do fire damage to the area, correct?
Wow, let me see.
We can hire somebody to fix this up.
Well, we only have $500,000 now.
Wait, actually, if we have insurance,
we can start those business.
Oh, that's just thanks to you.
The door's on renovation.
Oh, sorry.
From the ground up.
It doesn't look like it says anything about extra damage.
OK, great.
So yes, you launch these fiery arrows
at these two barbarians, we're pleading with you.
Their bodies catch on fire and light all the candles
at a chandelier.
Oh!
Ah!
That was great!
That is so much more fun than clap on clap off.
I do it, yeah, I do it.
Go, clap for that.
I do it, clap, clap.
Was it coolest thing you've ever done?
And you have defeated all of the barbarians in this lodge.
You see that the manor is open for you to explore.
Shit.
We first off, throw the bodies in the water.
Yeah, I've defeated my dessert.
We must feed the trident.
We have to feed the trident.
I guess kind of a cult now.
The trident is just pulsing faster and faster.
Shit, that thing's cool.
The Bay is just kind of flickering between color
and this weird kind of staticy gray old.
That's awesome.
We're again.
The noise is getting louder and louder.
I hear the louder.
This is awesome.
I make a weird mask.
I drink and it's a static.
I start chanting in tongues.
Why not? I mean, these are friends on friends are kind of a cult.
Why don't you go and be perception checks as you walk into the manner.
14.
14.
Seven.
Seven.
Net one.
Okay.
Onyx with your 14.
I guess the Nihac and Jans are too busy putting on their cult face path.
Yeah, it's got an eyes wide shut mask on. Onyx with your 14, I guess the Nihagin Jans are too busy putting on their cult face path.
It's got an eyes wide shut mask on.
But Onyx your eyes on the prize.
You see that all of these rooms are pretty thoroughly trashed, but you do see a room up the
stairs that looks like a little more ornate.
It's got a little crest above the threshold of the door.
Okay.
I walk up there.
Okay, you send the staircase and you find
what is the mayor's chambers?
It seemed like Gresh was using this
as his personal war room.
On one wall, you see this bed sheet
that's been hung with a crude plan drawn on it.
The writing seems to indicate that the barbarians themselves
were actually planning on stealing the triton.
So you're one step ahead of that.
I take all of those research.
We're not stealing the trident.
We're delivering it to a trident.
We're shipping the trident.
We're shipping the trident.
Yeah.
They were, we're protecting the trident.
Yes.
You see the extent of their plan was how to go that deep in water, and then you see that
lond, the barbarian shaman had added like, use water breathing spell.
It's almost like a Google Doc where they're like collaborating on it, and they like came
up with a nice solution in plan.
So yeah, you've got some notes you can use if you need.
Is there water breathing around here?
Did they secure a water breathing potion?
Yeah, can we run it for potion?
Yeah, everybody give me a arrumage check.
It'd be, investigation maybe?
It'd be great to be able to go down and say hi
to the great Trident.
Mm-hmm.
Uh, down.
Down.
Uh, investigation 19 or a perception 22.
Okay.
Wow, I got a five.
Five, ten on us.
Okay.
Great, so Jens, you kind of lead the investigation
a little bit, and here is what you find.
You find a private stash of gold and a little treasure chest. Nice. I'm gonna go ahead and roll for how much you find.
You find 34,000 pieces of gold. Jesus Christ. That's only by like three candles. Wow, this is nothing.
I'm gonna leave by like three candles. This is nothing.
You find a bunch of fancy clothes.
Oh, and then the last thing you find
is a horse whistle with the name Bojangles carved into it.
May I have that?
Yeah, nah, I can't.
I was gonna give it to you until you asked for it.
May I please have it?
I love whistles.
Yeah, I know, but you know the whistle.
No, I go to both of his knees. You know, I know you love whistles. Yeah, I know, but you blow the whistle. No, it goes to both of his knees.
You blow it.
I know you love whistles.
Whenever you get them, like you're just kind of a lot with them.
Like, I know.
I won't blow it.
I will blow it once.
We were doing the noise makers, and you were making too much noise.
I just want to hold it.
And I won't blow it.
It's fun for a little bit.
Anytime we let you hold the whistle, you blow the whistle.
I won't blow it.
I won't blow it until you say it's okay. All right the whistle you blow the whistle. I won't blow it, okay? I won't blow until you say it's okay.
All right, I give back the whistle.
I blow it quickly just to test it out.
Hey, I needed to make sure it could be blown.
I got to tackle my hack.
Now I can soon as you blow this whistle,
you hear a faint galloping outside,
and then suddenly through the window
is a best second story building,
a beautiful painted stallion burst through and lands right in front of you.
Okay, you're gonna get built for that window.
Hi, you must be Bojangles.
Are you our first customer at this one PMB?
Did you make a reservation?
A reservation?
You see the horse starts eating your ponytail.
I let it happen.
That seems fine.
This is chill.
I can use air.
Okay, air dressing.
Good horse.
Cool.
So yeah, Projangles lives at our house now.
I mean, can I obviously see Obsidian the Moon
and Corn is with me?
Man.
God, you've been quiet. Thank God. See, this would happen. You blow the whistle. It gets Obsidian the moon accord is with me. Man. God, you've been quiet.
Thank God.
See, this would happen.
You blow the whistle, it gets Obsidian upset,
and Obsidian starts yelling.
That gives it one more to stop.
Sorry.
Can I see if there's like any friendship chemistry
between Zaharis and Obsidian?
Obsidian, do you want to make a friend?
Why don't you give me a persuasion check? and uh, Obsidian? Obsidian, do you want to make a friend? Ah.
Why don't you give me a persuasion check?
I'll let you use your stats for Obsidian.
Okay.
24.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha.
Yeah, you see Obsidian saunters over to bow jangles.
Uh, and bow jangles looks at them,
sizes them up a little bit,
and then kneels.
Ah!
Obsidian is inviting you to ride it.
Of course, riding it.
Obsidian rides the horse.
Ah!
Ah!
Obsidian melts Bojangles.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
You see Bojangles tosses a rain to Obsidian.
Obsidian catches it in their mouth. Bojangles tosses a rain to Obsidian. Obsidian catches it in their mouth.
Bojangles rears up and then launches back out the window.
Whoa!
A sink Obsidian has our own adventure there.
RAAAAAAA!
Jen starts laughing at the image of one horse riding another so hard that he gets self-conscious
that his doctor, evil impressionist, could be his funny animal. Ha ha ha ha ha movie. You're getting the horses eating a little too hard
I liked it brother. I thought it was funny
All right, we're forgetting what we were here for which is the worship of the Trident
To sacrifice things to the Almighty Trident
all right
We dragged all the bodies in there, but it's hungry for blood
Is our scooping blood into cups We dragged all the bodies in there, but it's hungry for blood.
It starts scooping blood into cups.
All right, it's right. So we got the sick house, clearly needs to be flipped.
We got the candles incoming.
Oh yeah, is there a phone that I can call P.A.T.?
Oh, I feel like they should have been here,
but I just want to check on the status of the candles.
Yeah, because they said that take care of
the barbarian problem and will bring you
your candles.
Yeah, yeah.
You don't see a speaking stone or anything.
Seems like maybe that's like a pretty ritty device
to have.
Tristan.
These are like cans and string.
You look for cans and string, and you do find
like a little private ruckery
over in the corner.
Oh, shit.
Over by like the desk in the mayor's room.
Cool.
You should be so lazy of us.
We've been just walks out.
I think let's talk to a bird.
I don't feel like walking.
Today's already been a lot.
My carriage was small.
Tonight's been a lot.
Yeah.
Are you still upset about the doctor you all say? No, no, it's fine. lot. Yeah. Are you still upset about the Doctor Evil saying?
No, no, it's fine.
I loved it.
I thought it was so funny.
No, you guys don't have to pretend that you liked it.
You should really like it.
When you say I liked it, but you don't laugh, right?
Yeah.
Well, it's a comfort to me to hear it.
It's familiar.
It's just, he says other things.
You could do other bits from the movie.
I don't remember it from the film. Okay? Maybe you'd stop showing proof. Millier it's just he says other things you could do other bits remember
Okay, maybe you'd stop showing death on the Nile or whatever the hell it is
I don't know why we're talking about this movie
You see keychain fishes the Austin powers DVD No, no, no, it's too late. Now everyone's gonna know the impression. Do you understand the catch 22 that I'm in?
No, Keychain swallows the DVD and you hear Dr. Revell say,
how about no, Jin's?
Oh, that's good.
Oh, that's great.
Hey, hey, Nia, zip it.
Nia's not to laugh but cracks up.
Okay.
All right.
I just watched this and you guys are doing polls
that I don't remember.
So you all practice your Dr. Evelyn Pressions.
Start preparing the swamp B&B.
You do see after a moment, Shay and Pieter
head over with all of the candles.
They kind of look at the damage.
Look a little shocked, look a little terrified,
but they swallow it down and say, you know, of course, installation of the damage, look a little shot, look a little terrified, but they swallow it down and say,
you know, of course, installation of the candles,
it's gonna be a little extra.
Okay, well, all we have is $30,000.
Do you mean like in energy or in money?
I mean, both, preferably.
Did you say $34,000 goal?
Yeah, well, that's all we have.
So that's gonna be enough.
And that's all we're gonna pay.
That's actually the fee precisely, that is crazy. Wow, that's like, well, now I's gonna be enough. And that's all we're gonna pay. That's actually the fee precisely.
That is crazy.
Wow, that's like, well, now after a long period,
we won't be able to tip.
That works perfect.
That's okay.
You know what, your tip is your aura, honestly.
I wasn't gonna tip anyway.
You guys were took a really long time to show up
with the candles.
We had to send a goddamn bird.
We're starting to try to start a cult over here.
Yeah.
I do have to say we shouldn't have had to send the bird.
Yeah, do you want to feed the trident?
I hold up a barbarian body.
What exactly do you mean?
What are you doing out there?
So the trident is whispering to all of us.
No, man.
So it puts on a weird bird mask.
Yeah.
Yeah, Jen still has a weird bird mask on. So you see the trident is hungry for
blood. It's like all the lights go out whenever we feed it. Yeah. And we just know that it's
kind of all powerful. Yeah, it's sort of whisperers and static to us. That makes us feel
compelled to give it more blood. Yeah, that is very interesting.
That has never happened before, ever once.
People do tell me I'm kind of one of a kind.
Yeah, I get that.
She touched your arm.
I lean in for a good.
It's holy shit.
It's something happening.
That kind of party.
Listen, Monix, maybe you are the Joey.
Listen, if the trident's acting weird, let us know, because mother thist will put that trident down there
to instill this village with good fortune.
And if something's funky with the trident,
we really need to know so we can figure it out.
It seems like it's working fine.
Yeah, just seeing a blood and it's draining
the world of interest color of color and yeah,
it up.
Can I ask where is Mother Thistle?
Oh, she's, you know, it's late so she's resting.
Yeah.
But she lives here.
Yeah, yeah, she does.
Okay, so we can like meet there.
Cool, yeah, we'll meet her later.
She's resting.
She's resting.
Yeah.
So, I mean, there are like two other Austin powers from the bunch.
Onyx, go ahead and give me an insight check.
Eight.
You believe, Shay?
She tells you this information, but you're too busy just
smelling her.
I pull Nyak and Onyxicide and go, are you guys worried that this
thistle who carelessly left the great trident at the bottom of the bay is going to want
to take the great trident back? Yeah, I am starting to wonder if we are just feeding
our trident. Okay, well, Like maybe we should bear a visit.
Great.
But like not a visit, like we just did right now.
Right, not that kind of visit,
unless it comes to that.
We can be wearing the guid-made outfits.
Okay, I turned to Shay in a bird mask.
We love to meet this thistle.
You're not feeding the tried on purpose
because I really don't think that mother thistle
would like that.
Well, it's not her tried anymore.
She left it at the bottom of the water,
getting she was right.
She left it for everyone, it's kind of the thing.
Everyone's greeting us.
The great try is for everyone.
And it hungers.
Do you understand?
Yeah, do you understand the burden of being in service
to everyone, but having no one in service to you?
My neck, cax.
And I will get her with dead eyes behind the birth mask.
And I have to step slasily in front of the door.
We're tried in hungers.
I just feel like you're kind of perverting her vision
for the bay.
Right.
And this is the conversation we get up with her
if you just give me her fucking
out there.
Don't you think that Trident knows what's best to accept? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Do you want to join try that side or do you fight it?
She says um listen. I promise I will take you to mother thistle, but again she's resting and you know those green teens they're in imminent danger the teens you you gotta go rest
We are supposed to get five hundred thousand more dollars for candles. That's right
And we're hard at work making more candles and when mother this one is rested
She will definitely meet with you and explain why what you're doing to the Trident is very wrong
Okay, we don't need to make it
Okay
Trident is hungry and it yearns it yearns for violence and we give it to it. And we give it to the great. That's just not editorialized in the meeting
before it even happens.
Let's.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Why don't we try for the trident?
OK.
Thanks.
Yeah.
OK.
So yes, 34,000 gold.
And you're not getting a tip because you guys took too long.
I understand.
Thank you again for supporting Shay's way, yoga and more, I saw those these were Yankee candles. Oh, no, these are shanky candles
Okay, that was the only response that would have talked me out
Yeah, I'm okay with I'm okay with chunky candles
Yankees is actually better. Yeah, anyway, we're gonna clean up a little bit here
If you want to go and like rescue those green teens and then wow
We'll just have like a full session tomorrow. We'll do some yoga. I'll put out some orange
Yeah, we're gonna be tired probably but if you want to do like a
That's like passive yoga. We could do a tribute to the great trident. Yeah, I think it hungers for our enemies. And there'll be many of them.
We hunger for mimosas.
That's true.
So we'll do mimosas in the morning for hunger surveillance.
So we're going to go kill whoever we need to kill,
and save whoever we need to save,
throw some more bodies in the lake,
and we'll be back tomorrow.
OK, you do that.
We'll just solve all of this tomorrow.
Thank you so much. Thank you, friends. Yeah, what's there to solve?
Good night. Yeah, good night.
I'll walk out with my bird mascot.
You see Pia Teyad and Shay like
nervously wave and smile with very fake grins as you leave.
They're so nice.
That was really cool of them that was really cool
Really good people that's the thing is that you know normally we only cost like
$400,000 to get like a couple dozen candles, but you don't get the the level of service where they're coming to your house and putting the candles up
I was so I was so afraid when when she said they weren't Yankee candles,
that they were gonna be some off-brands.
I know, I know, I know, I know.
They're shiny candles.
And then they were shiny candles.
They're shiny candles.
She was like, buti Yankee.
Yes, yes.
It's so good to shop local.
Yeah, that's shopping local.
I love shopping local.
All right, I down a water walking boat
and I just began carelessly walking over the water.
Yeah. Yeah. I definitely want to use the speedboat.
Yeah. I'm walking with an a trance look on my face, or mostly covered with the bird
mask, as haunting orchestral music plays towards the trident.
This was such purpose in your eyes.
Okay, so, ginger walking,ins, you're walking. Are
y'all taking the speedboat? Yeah, I want the Bezos boat. Yeah, I kind of want to, yeah.
Fantastic. Mariah Carey and the Honey Music video. I'm still playing on the plane, okay?
on the plane, okay? So, Jins, you set out walking, Niaq, Onyx, Keech and you all board up in the boat along
the fringe of the bay.
I'm laughing at us driving next to you.
Just walking and trance towards the trident.
All of this is made out of fits.
You're hunger, don't you?
You're perfect.
Along the coast of the bay, you see bow jangles galloping proudly
with Obsidian riding atop him.
Wow.
Zaird going on an adventure.
It's up to be sure. Ah!
Zikala, the hero.
Ah!
Where do the obsidian get this or?
Ah!
So you watch this secondary adventure unfold
and you head across the bay towards the swamp
where the green teens were rumored to have been taken.
And as you do, the light of the trident pulses angrier than before with a red tinge to
the purple light now.
You see droves of fish jumping over it.
They all kind of have like a weird grin on their face now.
Happy fish.
But this you're happy.
Happy fish. Happy fish. Take a closer look at the weather. Happy fish. But this you're happy. It's a type of better one, sir.
For the mother, Trident.
She's hungry. She's angry.
Okay, Jens, I feel like you're stealing my weapon now.
Am I going to have to fight you for as it's right then?
No one possesses the Trident.
Trident possesses itself.
Okay, I will fight.
So, as you get closer to the center of the bay,
where you see the Trident, a strange sight unfolds.
The color, once again, drains from the world.
The fish stop jumping, and all of the purples and yellows of the flowers become this like muted, static gray.
And then suddenly you hear that strange, warbling, static noise again.
It almost sounds like a radio that's been plunged underwater.
And then a small, hunched figure appears before you holding a trident.
You see she's translucent and made of this weird, static energy.
And then she lifts her hood. You see this ghostly face of a very annoyed old woman.
And as you look closer, you see that she seems to be whispering something
in kind of a hushed, angry tone.
And as soon as she finishes, she looks at you,
shakes her head disapprovingly, then vanishes in a flash.
approvingly, then vanishes in a flash. As she disappears, the radio static stops, and the color returns to the world. Beneath you, the Trident glows a pleasant
purple once more, and the fish jump playfully. However, in your head, you hear a
single phrase in a strange monotone voice.
And anomaly detected. Investigation required. Thank you and have a regular day.
And that's where we'll end our session.
What?
Oh boy!
What's that?
Mother tried answer.
What's that?
Ah! Oh boy, what's that mother tried and what's that?
Yeah, it is fun to be back in moonstone
It's one to be strong It's so funny to just speedrun just go back and just attack everyone
Yeah, it was really fun. It is be like I'm just gonna hit him because we get why the fuck not
So we'll talk more about this over on the short rest, but it's very funny to unwittingly
end up kind of doing pretty similar
to what the band of boobs did.
Yeah.
We still have killed the barbarians
just in a different order.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm very excited to talk about this.
I'm also excited to talk about like the actual first
episodes of the show, because I really listened to all of it
and I will be expressing my
immense apologies to Merv for my behavior.
Because I was an absolute maniac and he deserves the
world for being tolerant with me.
Never say that.
But yeah, I'm really excited to talk about this on the
short rest. If you would like to listen to that, you can go
to patreon.com slash nadpa that's n-a-d-d-p-o-d
Don't say it!
Sorry I was about to say it.
Don't say it!
But that's not my joke.
Okay the mother tried and is disappointed.
Damn.
If you would like to follow us on social media that we may or may not use you can do so.
I am at call the Murphus at CH Murph.
Emily is at EA Axford and Jake Jake is at Jake Herwitz.
I'm doing this a little out of order,
but does anyone have anything they want to plug?
Yes, live shows.
We got a new Australia tour is coming up, everybody.
Correct.
You can get some last minute tickets over on
nadpod.com slash live.
We're gonna be in Brisbane.
We're gonna be in Sydney, Melbourne, Perth, and Adelaide, so check those out.
Every corner of your beautiful country can't wait.
I would like to plug dumpstatt on GM binder
who put together a swarm template,
which I use.
Oh, that's such a smart idea to give people multiple enemies,
but yeah, that was great.
Yeah, it's really fun.
It really simplifies things just so that it didn't have
to be rolling 10 different times.
Exactly.
Exactly.
Oh, and I almost forgot there's one more thing I want to plug.
We have a Saul Bufo plushie.
Yeah.
That's cute.
It's very cute.
He's got some gold little gauntlets.
He's very plump and huggable on our Patreon.
You can join our merch club
and get the exclusive track jacket variant.
But if you go to makeship.com slash products,
slash solbufo plush or just Google solbufo plush,
it's a limited time campaign.
So go now and grab yours.
It's very cute and I think you'll like them.
Is it Sydney approved?
Yes, she has hugged it.
She does like frogs, she now says F is for frogs.
So like, it'll teach your kids the alphabet.
How about that?
So yeah, SaulBufoPluschMakeship.com.
Thanks again for listening folks.
I'm really excited.
We've got hopefully two more episodes
of the Trinneville triplets take Moonstone coming up for you.
I would play the whole campaign.
Yeah, that's a speed run, everything.
At some point, we would catch up and just die.
And that's what the Trinaville triplets do deserve.
Yeah, by age madness, we just run up and just get killed.
Yeah, it's not like I refuse.
Yeah.
Once again, if you would like to listen to the short rest that is going to be patreon.com slash nad pod
That's in a ddp. Oh, D here we go 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1, 1 %, 1 %, 1%, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, of Elders, Brad D. Jeffrey S. Hugh C.
Later, Mick Skater, Matt M. Jordan D. J. Cutter W. Feared Al. Oh, I love that. Daniel G.
The J. Pod. Happy anniversary, NAD Pod from the sword, wielding wizard. Thank you.
Dugin Mama, not sexual. Daniel, the Dastardly Dame, Beardman Dan, Danny P, Vincent W, Victor T, Boundless
Boy, Hoid's friend, Justin I, Ragnar Fairet when TJ M, Traylee, The Cray, Fay, Christopher
B, Damial R, Cyborg version of Josh the Cobald, Your Secret Grandpa, Pentegon, Princess
Yar, Michael L, Jack L, Sam L, Nicholas C. who has started every single film ever made in
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H. Matthew E. Great Value Gemma. Adam G. Tyler F. Nebadger. Panama James. Andrew The Druid.
Horadrian Rex Daniels. The white Captain sigil Diana Day LL
CeCi Lulu Hericule Poy Ro, the rabbit folk detective Timmy R. Lucas B. Raiko,
It's Kevin, Calder's cold com, Hashtag, Rhyse Mike Comrades,
Spread the com Rotary, Taylor B. The vengeful, one-winged angel,
Cass, skateboard, Cass, Captain of the Stevens, Steven C. Mike K. Lady Taco,
Brian G. Joy T. Nara, Jake L. Nick W. Brave the Badger, S. May M. Foster, the boneless duck,
William W. Aaron, the asshole ranger, Big Bad Beardow, the mad, Riot, Ryan, and the Lord of salty
peaks. Anna Rama, Ultras who is now in possession of Calder's body, yes, and the Lord of Salty Peaks. Anna, Rama.
Ultras who is now in possession of Calder's body, yes, that is true.
Power Shiver of Bohemia, Quiver against the River of the Pea Shiver.
Can't wait to see you in Adelaide, even Jake, thank you for that.
Rattelaide here, I come.
Jay, Dragonborn, Vincent, oh God, I'm thrumming Daniels.
Okay, the San Drayan, Ben A. John III, Dave H. Coalabair, Catherine S. David K. Christian S.
Dustin S. Connor F. Hawkeye Pierce, Bookfars Assistant, Izzy F. Brittany A. The Purpleist
Bitch in Bahumia. Okay, Summer R. Grantare.
Marky Mark the Marvelous Mining Engineer.
Katzi Kelsle, Misa of House in Zunza.
Ariel the occasional mermaid, Selina N.A.K.A.
Valacy Raptor.
B. Perky, always Pat Elle.
Sevexel, a truth at A. Lauren H. Tahlia, Ryan S.
The Bone Duster, Robert Crisp.
Telekitty Creations fan illustrator, insert requests, here I go.
Um, I guess, uh, yeah, a little, um, a little drawing of Ultras kicking the shit out of
Glenn would be fun.
Ploups, Carly, a suicidal lobster, Addy-K, spam gaming, the not-so-skilled gamer, thanks
Jake, you're welcome.
Connor, Savage, Russell H, Christopher J. Pebblepot to the Deriders.
My first never mind we died.
I'm a turtle now.
Oh dear.
Celil Jack M. Leviathan, Bioquart 7, Amber Dexterous, Sullivan H.
Trubhop Dropper, Jack H.
Crapster, Champion of Crod, Skuddling, Sideways, towards tomorrow.
Fandre, Garble the Moist, Lindsay W.
Juicy Kiwi and Jake Jake, your a Godfather baby
boundore has been born, congrats, Lila. Hooray!
Vailin, Carlin C, Emily S, Harry Cox, no with a bagel of all things, everything
Bego, the Eladron who just wants to hang out with his pet badger, Stripey, Dandy,
Eric B, Marcos P, Jordan P, the occasional crit reporter. Court hopes you're having an amazing day.
Court hopes you're having an amazing day.
I see that very nice.
Learns the balanced druid.
Dayton M. Dakota J.P. Frida M.
Pagos Betrothed, self-proclaimed,
Fay Prince, Tracy P.
The Crick-Elf Librarian,
and E. Holly Hyena,
Christen Z.
Leah C.
Page H. Helen of Briz, Mayby, Pixel
Stars, Akash Thakar, Kristen Withikay, Caljust, Cal, Commodore Galaxy, Edison N. Russell H.
A monk named Dillgo, yes the whole thing, yes every time. Monster Hunter, Nios, and Simon,
Rolling Deathsaves in Dreamland has anyone heard his story in the shoutouts,
can and elder, find him before a Nat one.
Keychains Pentium 2 processor, awesome!
Lorelai the Succubus and Kira her Busti Queen, Michael the Ezri Pop Idol Morgan M Stephen
E, your friendly neighborhood Yant and Yonkel Andrew and Sid.
John Adams, yes like the president,
Meg the male carrier of Bahumia, James F. M4L, Wayfarer, now trapped in the Feywild after not
fully reading the terms and conditions of their legal settlement with mothership. Andrew B.
Sir Smut, Barpo Good Barrel, Bard Barian, and Brewer Emeritus of Water, Deep, Mary B. C. Melora, D. Votie, Three Awakened Gooses,
Welshlander, Garrett G, One Big Curred, Mr. D. Dana Daisy, Sean J, Ethan B. Rene,
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Olivia the Enchanting Bard, who will be totally making money and a grand novel off the
Duck Team Tales with and on the-go all the stops show.
Winter's slayed, Mikaela R. Forest H-A-K-A life is like a box of Martha Togold sticky buns.
Riley S. FICO, Angry Wheat, Ya Boy, Anthony who moved positions and can't listen to the podcast at work anymore.
Sorry to hear it.
Josh H. Jack the Jack's jinking rogue the run with Bahumias balls. The true neutral
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Trogdor the Burninator Clementine T. Caleb L.S. This message has been brought to you by
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Ponderful the pink dragon. Cantrip Dumbledore the bear wearing onesie, Barbarian with a bad back,
MJ, the BFG, Drinking Tea, By the Sea, Dogs of Babel, Calvius, Silver Fang, Geno T, Mama Bell,
the Silver Serpent herself, Funier, Strahmann, 18 wheels of Rubber and Steel, Dr. Talkus,
Boots and Cats and Boots and Cats and Bo in cats and boots in cats and boots in cats.
Wiki-wiki remix boots in cats and boots in cats.
Love it.
Derek D. Tristan G. Cal the rabbit runt.
Jazzman and fam, the surgeons behind Pendergreens, juicy new ass.
Thank you for that.
Alpha Fortress Alex K. Joshua P. Joshua P.S. Martin T. Alexander Mandi K. M.S. Red the reforged Warforged James
Mr. Kraft, Hammy Beverly's distant cousin Daniel A. L. and Blue Drew A. K. A. Blue Drew.
Got it.
Thanks everybody.
That was a Hate Gum podcast.
That was a headgun podcast.