Not Another D&D Podcast - Trinyvale X Strahd - Ep 01: Into the Mists
Episode Date: June 20, 2025Welcome back to Trinyvale and BEYOND! After a mysterious fog threatens to ruin their vacation, the Triplets bravely embark up on a quest... to complain to the Manager. Jens finds a new coat, ...Nyack gets a vacation makeover and Onyx does a digital detox as the Trinyvale X Strahd collaboration officially begins!CREDITSEditing by Brian MurphyProduction and Sound Design by Daniel Ramos (@Schubirds on Twitter & @Dr.Schubird on IG)Logo Design by Chelsea LeCompteMusic / Sound Effects Include:"Trinyvale Opening Theme" - Emily Axford"The Night Lotus" - Emily Axford"Barovian Tango" - Emily Axford"The Gate" - Emily Axford"Where is the Manager?!?" - Emily Axford"The Shard" - Emily Axford"Selfless" - Emily Axford"Oh Melora" - Emily Axford"Strahd" - Emily Axford"Trinyvale Closing Theme" - Emily AxfordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
This is a headgum podcast.
Welcome to Trinnevale.
Trinnevale.
Oh, amazing. It's like a sonic sound bath. My body is purified. I'm free of microplastics.
How horrendous that when you said sonic bath, I pictured the hedgehog.
You pictured sonic in a warm bath.
In a warm bath.
This podcast is ruining everything.
Gamer hog bath water.
He's somewhere, he's fucking missing,
he's not in this adventure currently.
We don't know what's gonna happen.
Anything could happen.
Hey, I could get a familiar.
Another one.
Anything could happen because you are now in my world,
the world of Trinnevale.
I am your humble dungeon uncle, AKA Dunkle,
and I'm so excited to welcome you to another adventure
in the lands of Trinnevale and beyond.
Yes.
But friends, I shan't be journeying alone.
For this brand new series, I'm joined, as always,
by my good friend Brian Murphy.
Jens is back, back again.
Jens Lindell, tell a friend.
Jens Lindell.
That was actually fun. Can I do that too?
Uh, yeah.
Okay, okay, okay. Yeah, Emily Axford.
Onyx back, back again.
Onyx back, tell a friend.
Do you know the song?
No, I don't really. Onyx Lum, tell a friend! Do you know the song?
No, I don't really.
Onyx Lumiere!
I've created a monster.
And Jake Hurwitz also back.
Niyak's back!
No, hey!
Back again!
All right, this is a bit much.
Niyak's back!
Tell a friend, everybody.
Niyak of the Ranaform.
Yeah, Niyak made the most sense
because Niyak and back rhyme.
So honestly, like everything else was just of like prelude to that moment.
Okay, so Jake nailed it.
I'm bringing Nyak back!
Well, you just ruined it.
I'm bringing Onyx back!
I can only do other people's ideas.
I'm in Onyx mode already.
A total follower.
This sweater had so little thread on it to begin with guys. So as I mentioned, today's adventure features characters hailing from the world of Trinnavale.
If you're less than familiar with this campaign, here is all you need to know.
Our heroes, Jyns the Elven bard, Niyak his shirtless half-elf half-brother, and Onyx a social media warlock from the moon,
started out their journey as
normal adventurers.
However, as time went on, these three realized that being noble warriors was super boring
and decided to become unrepentant shitheads instead.
Not quite villains, but certainly not heroes.
And so, after defeating the Big Bad and saving their world, these three, who are affectionately
known as the Trinnavale Triplets,
have been taking a well-deserved break
and vacationing in various realms throughout the multiverse.
Getting those Jet Blue points.
Gotta rack up them Blue Boys.
True Blue.
From Bohemia to Sonic the Hedgehog's home world of Mobius,
no world is safe from the Triplets and their toxic touch,
and today, friends, is no different.
We join our debatedly heroic heroes on the first evening of their stay at the multiverse's
most luxurious resort hotel, the Night Lotus Inn and Spa.
Built on a hot spring oasis in the middle of the frozen realm of Icewind Dale, the Night
Lotus offers world-class spa treatment, a breathtaking view of the singing stars above,
and of course, lavishly appointed yurts enchanted to be bigger on the inside.
That's right, friends, you've got your very own Leomon's Girthy Yurt.
Oooh!
It's so clear the way this is being cut at the Dark Lotus that Jens is the one that's You got your very own Leomon's girthy yurt. Ooh.
It's so clear the way this is being cut at the Dark Lotus that Jens is the one that's going to be murdered.
He's just being so rude to everyone
and making so many enemies.
Onyx is like the special boy who's like
finding beauty in the snow.
Yeah. Wait.
It's beautiful.
What are you, some kind of author standing?
Get over here, Onyx.
And Nyack is thinking about helping a married couple swing
and cuck a husband.
All noble pursuits.
So yes, you've spent your first day at the Night Lotus engaging in various wellness regimens and duplicitous schemes.
I see a stressed out dad steal a gun and I go,
should we have old fashions?
I drink with that guy.
But now the singing stars above are beginning to hum,
signaling the day's end.
I think they're actually singing the White Lotus theme song.
Right, yes.
Whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop.
Wow, it's a bird's noise.
So you all make your way back towards your yurt.
And as you do, I'd like you each to tell me
how you spent your day.
You've already started that.
But which of the regiments did you partake in?
What did you do?
What were you thinking about as you just detoxed and unwinded
on this vacation?
Onyx has been admiring the scenery, but through her camera on her cell phone.
So I'm like gasping, being like,
in touch with nature, but it's through my cell phone.
Just falling over various short fences.
Yeah.
And Nyack tried acupuncture, laid down on the bed,
it got stuck with a few needles,
and got stressed out about how much it hurt,
so he left, and he still has a back full of little things.
He's Sonic the Hedgehog style.
Yeah, right, exactly.
He's here.
I attack.
And Jens is upping the chances
that he will be the one who's murdered.
He went and got a massage,
he saw the masseuse and someone else talking earlier,
so thought they might have been in a relationship, but saw a third person that might be sort of a
love triangle situation. And he's telling the masseuse about the other two people that he saw
and just the connection that they had. Oh, we actually have a bit of like a confidentiality
thing going on. So we don't really need to hear that sort of thing thing sir. I just enjoy it. I enjoy talking about it.
And that's great. That's great for you.
Because we want you to enjoy yourself.
I just see this raw sexuality between the two of them.
It seemed really interesting.
I often find that when I'm focused on like the material
things and connections I just look up at the stars
and then I walk back towards my home.
I also got this phone I'm going to give it to that dad
if that's okay.
I walk over to the drunk dad and give him a phone.
Seems like things at home are pretty tough, huh?
I got a lot going on.
Yeah, anyway.
I have like three secret families, nice to meet you.
So anyway, you have three drinks with this guy and then wander back to your yurt drunk and late.
Oh sir, you forgot your gun.
Couldn't hurt to have a second one. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.
So you all enter the yurt,
and inside you see your robotic friend Keychain
is busy mixing up drinks.
Oh!
Whoa!
Oh my god.
How did you get in here?
Where have you been?
I came on the vacation with you.
You made me sit in the luggage area.
Oh right.
Oh, they don't let dogs on the flight.
We're splitting this four ways, right? Yeah, I guess we're splitting it four ways, even though it's just got the luggage area. Oh, right. Oh, they don't let dogs on the flight. We're splitting this four ways, right?
Yeah, I guess we're splitting it four ways,
even though it's just got the one room.
What do you think a dog is?
You know what, never mind.
I have something to show you.
I pet Keychain.
Bad boy, Keychain.
Very bad boy.
Keychain, you're a bad dog.
What do you want?
You're a bad boy.
His antennae ears perk up and then go down? Keychain, no.
Keychain, no.
Stop.
Down.
Keychain, I think he's getting horny.
Stop.
Keychain, leave it.
Leave it, Keychain.
Keychain, you're not allowed to get horny.
What is happening?
Tell us what's going on.
It's the way you think.
Don't hunt me, you'll just drive these pins deeper.
Oh?
Look, Keychain, you're upset.
Have a gun.
Have three old fashions, Keychain, you're upset. Have a gun.
Have three old-fashions, Keychain. Where do you keep finding these?
I don't know, they're everywhere.
There was a security guard,
seems like he was supposed to use it or something.
I took it from him.
Well.
Okay, sure, yes.
You see Keychain takes the gun,
puts it in his head along with some chopped fruit various liquids and ice
He closes the hatch on top of his head presses a button and his whole body starts vibrating loudly
I spritz keychain We have to stick his nose in it. Ow, he bites you. Ow, did anyone see that?
The dog attacked me.
No, I was looking at my phone.
We have to put him down.
There's no other way.
I think at seven, probably misses you.
So he attempts to bite you and just takes a chunk out of the bar.
I still scream ow.
The gun falls and goes off.
Whoa. Did you turn into a chopping front of Isabella?
I know, it's just, it's been a, wow, this vacation.
What I was trying to say was I took a mixology class today
called the alchemy of imbibing, and what can I say?
I think I'm becoming a bit of a Bartificer.
Oh, okay.
More like Bark-ificer.
Because you are a dog. That's good, I like that. That's-tiff-isser. Because you are a dog.
That's hilarious.
Because you are a dog.
Niyak rolls on the ground laughing,
stabbing himself with the pins really badly.
Jen just folds his arms and says,
that was really good, Onyx.
Keep doing that.
Go on, dog.
Thank you, I can't see.
Speak, dog.
You know what, I think I can work with that.
You see he has a little tap built into his.
Shaky chains.
It's great champions at years.
Go on.
Go on.
See a little antenna comes out of his butt
and it looks exactly like a tail and it just starts wagging.
That's disgusting.
I love dogs but I hate their tails.
Can we cut it off?
We tried to do that with his balls, but he still gets horny! Yeah, he still gets horny. Kytan, what were you saying? Something about making drinks or something?
Yes. He twists a little tap built into his stomach, and you see a frothy liquid comes out.
He gets like a tiny little barrel.
Oh, he's coming. It's his red rocket.
No, I spreeched him. He gets like a tiny little barrel. Oh, he's coming. It's his red rocket
No
It's not come
Sprits him again bad dog stop coming back to you made me install a cum alarm, so you know when I come okay?
That's right
Go on you were saying something about your spout. We haven't even gotten where we're supposed to be and I'm already crying laughing. So you see Keychain from his spout, he fills up this tiny little barrel and looks at it, shrugs and then attaches it to his neck like a dog.
Okay. It says, now I can carry experimental elixirs for you. Would you like to roll a d6 and see what this one is?
Okay, yes, why not I suppose I got a one sure I also got a one
Okay, I also got a one. Oh, that's so good. There's no way anything of battle happens. Did you all three get one?
Yeah, oh wow it's very simple then keychain produces three healing elixirs for you. Wow. Yes. You would think that the gun would give it a little more spice, but it turns out that's good for you, apparently.
Okay, great.
Healing elixirs.
What is an anti-gun, but a healing elixir?
Thank you.
It's like when you cook one of those puffer fish and all of the poison goes out of it and then it's delicious.
That's just cruel. I like puffer fish.
Keychain bad dog.
Jens is a vegetarian.
I spritz keychain.
No, I only eat red meat.
I only eat mammals.
Okay, so do we hang on to these healing elixirs,
or do we bottoms up them?
What's happening here?
Oh, go ahead, you can.
Nyack takes a shot.
I'm drenched in blood.
Yeah.
You can heal now, or you can hold on to them. Yeah, I guess I'll hold on for now
Why not? Yeah, you could mix them with Bacardi and we could have a little shindig. Okay. Yeah, no
I'll do a little party I guess. Okay, so you down some elixirs right now? Yeah. Sure
Yeah, I'll say that if you drink it right now. Normally, it's just a healing elixir
I'll say you can get a d8 of 10 hit points. for drinking it right now. Yeah bottoms up. Okay bottoms up bottoms up
seven eight
fuck three
Jen's I think you got most of the gun in yours. Yeah, it tastes like metal. I think I got most of the cum
It wasn't cum there's an alarm I can't override it. Cum and cum.
As you're all having a little party,
loosening up after a long day of stirring the shit
and also getting acupuncture.
Yeah, I'm out on a balcony and I just go,
is that guy your dad, you two look alike.
Is there some kind of relationship there?
You're fine, I wave my hand off
as the two approach each other.
We're here to bury our uncle's ashes.
Oh.
Oh, that season, okay.
Bury ashes?
Yes.
Why are you making fun of our cultural practice?
We dig a hole and we put the ashes in them,
and then we build a fire,
and we make more ashes out of that,
and then we take those ashes,
and we take them to another hole,
and we go around the world like that. It's kind of a fun little travel thing. Yeah, well now that you said it's cultural
I'll leave it alone
As well you should you do you these balconies are really close together. I drink cum
They really are wow these three women over here. Hey two of you are talking bad about the other one. What's up with that?
What suddenly there's a knock on the door,
and after a moment an elf with cloudy gray skin
and a flowing fur-lined cloak enters the room.
Hey, you're really not supposed to come in
unless we open the door.
So sorry, you're right, should I knock?
I'll go back out and I'll knock.
Yes, please knock.
Okay, please knock.
The elf flows back out and knocks on the door.
Hello?
Should we pretend not to be home? I feel like I don't really wanna see anybody. Hello. Should we pretend not to be home?
I feel like I don't really want to see anybody. Yeah, let's pretend that's just um can I mage hands the do not disturb sign on?
I really like that coat though. We had several gunshots going off here. We just came to invest oh, okay
Yeah, okay. Come on. Yeah, no that was kid. That was our dog. I open I open the door. I'm so sorry
I didn't yeah, our dogs allowed well. That was our dog. I open I open the door. I'm so sorry. I didn't oh yeah
I dogs allowed well. Yes, they are allowed. They're not allowed to have firearms. Oh, so if you just like please come in take off your jacket
Oh, yeah, that's fine. Yeah, take off. I'll take the jacket you see this elf takes off his jacket
He's wearing just kind of like a simple kind of like done color tunic underneath
Take off your tunic. Get comfortable.
Well that's more of a uniform.
I don't know if I should be taking that off.
Gents takes a coat.
I'll go put this on the bed with the other guests.
I walk into the room and I come back out
just wearing the coat and not acknowledging it.
Sorry, what were you saying?
We have that coat for sale in our gift shop
if you'd like to buy it.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Maybe you should go get one.
Oh, you've already bought one. That's your coat.
That's my coat. I already bought it. Correct. Yeah.
We already know what you're talking about.
Your coat. You didn't wear a coat here.
Go ahead.
Just a couple points. Again, number one, if you're going to have firearms in the room,
please just keep them where a dog can't reach.
Yeah.
Also, where are my manners? My name's Regan.
I'm your wellness representative here at the Night lotus. Okay, how are we finding everything?
You know, there's a lot of people that seem really on edge and I love that
Yeah, I think that's excellent
I'm having the best time and I hold up for Instagram where I'm just scrolling through hashtags of other people's trip here
Yeah, we've been looking at onyx's phone a lot, and honestly it's been great to get so much screen time.
Yeah. Uninhibited screen time, sure. I feel like this yurt isn't that girthy. We paid for the the girthiest yurt.
Oh, I understand. Yes. Well, um, yeah, we have a couple of our executives staying here on the property, so
Oh, you can just move them. We would be fine with that. Yeah, we don't care about executives.
I'm sure we could rearrange some things.
You know what, actually, if you could just later on,
come meet me at the Overseer's Mansion,
and I would be happy to talk with you about that.
There's a mansion?
Well, that's more like, you know, it's the operational center of the Night Lotus.
But if you'd like to come there and have a chat with me,
if you have any more complaints, we'd love feedback more than anything.
Yeah, we have complaints, sure.
I have a lot of complaints.
Right, so yeah, if we could just go down the bullet list though.
Okay.
Not too many bullets though, because, you know, the fire arms and the dogs and whatnot.
So I do have one little policy I want to tell you about while I'm here.
Okay.
Just to help you all with your detox, because as you've mentioned there's a lot of stress floating around.
Right, we want as much screen time as possible.
Right, a lot of stress, a lot of screen time.
That's how we decompress.
We'd like to try and manage that a bit at the Night Lotus, because we like to have a peaceful environment here so that people can be silent and reflect and listen to the singing stars and whatnot.
Right, on Instagram.
Yeah, well, if that's-
I would love to capture the singing stars, that's amazing.
Do you mind if we record you? I just find it easier to pay attention to things when they're on my phone.
I've been recording. Do you mind if we post this? I have been... Yeah, of course. Here, you know,
you are a guest, so whatever you feel comfortable doing... I'm live. I will say though, I will say,
if you just allow me to to give you my perspective on the matter, is that we are here to help you
detox, really
get in touch with your personal wellness, and as such we do kindly ask that all visitors
surrender their weapons in magic items, speaking stones included, during the course of the
stay.
Does that sound tough for the other guest? Nyarxros' bow. Yeah, that's tough. It is
an optional policy of course, but it is strongly encouraged and also, I will say everyone that's um that's tough. It's it is an optional policy of course But it is strongly encouraged and also I will say everyone that's done it has said that it was so worth it
Okay, but what about all the guns can we just keep our phones?
If you want to keep your phones, that's absolutely fine. I don't give a shit about this other stuff. I hand over all of our
expensive equipment and everything yeah, because it's really it's more about like a detox from like aggression and violence and a reliance on like the magical.
We really want you to find the magic within yourself. So if you want to hold on to your phones, that's absolutely fine.
My patron is my phone, so I'm fine. I hand it over.
I feel like we accidentally end up saving the day all the time and everything.
And if I could just get around that that would be excellent here take my swords
Yeah, we're tired of getting roped into being heroes
Yeah, we're tired of getting roped in like like come save us the planet's about to explode or something like that
Not looking to get into that. I really only use the bow to protect my phone
So if you if you can assure me my phone is safe you can have the bow as long as my phone is fine
I don't care. I'm just here to get screen time.
And I'm telling you, when you go home,
you're going to be talking to your friends,
and you're going to tell them about this full magical detox
you did, and you're just going to be so much more present now.
And you're going to say it was so worth it,
and they're going to believe you.
That's great.
So I think this is really going to be good for you all.
So you want to just pop your items in this Liamen secret chest
here, and I'll put them in the ethereal plane for safekeeping.
Does that sound good? Sounds sounds excellent, thank you.
Whatever.
I empty my pockets as well as a lot of garbage.
Yeah.
I was hanging on to.
Oh, well, we do have garbage cans.
Wow, you need a lot of three musketeers, honestly.
I'm moved on from Butterfinger babies.
I dump my magical swords, all of my magic stuff,
inside of the chest, and I also take keychain and put him in the chest
Wait, no careful with our dog. He's not neutered. Yeah, be careful with our dog
If you have to put him down just like think twice about it, but you have to
But it didn't work. Yeah
He gets so horny didn't take I built myself new balls if you have to put him down bury his ashes in the sand
Yes, that is the tradition around here in the all-is-one day. Oh, yeah. All right, so key chains going in there great wonderful
Yeah, bye, buddy
Keychain hops out lands on all fours goes, I actually kind of like this.
Okay, don't like it too much.
Your balls will go back again.
Don't make it weird.
Uh oh, I feel a calm alarm.
Okay.
Reagan, what were you saying? I'm so sorry.
Right, right, right.
There's our detox, our swords and what not.
So Reagan, he presses a gemstone on the key,
he sticks it into midair, and as as he does you see these golden veins of light trace the form of a big wooden chest
And materializes with a soft thump onto the ground and once it's there you guys dump all of your items and stuff inside of it
Keychain briefly goes in and then hops back out after giving you some big sad puppy dog eyes
briefly goes in and then hops back out after giving you some big sad puppy dog eyes.
And then Regan locks the chest and the key glows once more
as the trunk vanishes from sight.
You see him place the key in the fold of his cloak
and then produce three small envelopes.
There, you must feel so much better already.
So there's one last piece of information
I need to share with all of you.
Then I will be out of your hair for the evening, I promise.
Is there a tip in there?
Excuse me.
For us? It's just money?
It's not necessary, but Niax says, please, you don't have to, and holds out his hand.
No, no, it's alright, yeah, hold on.
No worries.
Yeah, any kind of tips.
Niax holding out his hand.
Beef tips or something?
I don't know much about... Trinnavile is where you're from?
Yes.
What's like standard percentage tip there?
Okay, so it'd be like 50%.
50%.
Yeah.
Wow, that's actually lower than you.
50% what we spent.
All right, I'm gonna roll.
Injet blue points, cash, whichever you'd like.
All right, what are we gonna do is
I'm gonna have everyone roll a D100
and then we'll take the two lowest results.
Oh, okay.
39.
I also got a 39! That's so freaking weird!
I got a 4.
Oh wait, wait, is that a 93 or a 39?
That's a 93.
Never mind, I got a 93.
93, okay, alright. So 39 and 4 will go the two lower.
He slips 43 gold into these envelopes.
Okay.
Anything for our guests.
Yeah, that's normal.
So again, as I mentioned earlier, if you have any complaints or issues with your room or the resort,
please just don't hesitate to contact me.
I'm gonna be down the road at the Overseer's Manor tonight.
Okay.
If you need anything at all, just pop on down to the end of the trail.
You'll see this big gate.
Just place your key cards on the door and you'll be taken right in.
Great. Great. So the tip was a little shy. Yeah, we'll definitely see you later. You'll see this big gate just place your key cards on the door, and you'll be taken right in great
Right so the tip was a little shy yeah, we'll definitely see you later
I'm so sorry. That's just well. I had more money in my coat, but I can't seem to find it anymore
Oh, all right. See you later. Yeah, you must have left it at home
That's so strange. Yeah, you know I feel like you know in this place. You're probably pretty busy, huh?
And it's kind of the color of the snow, so sometimes I just leave it places.
Yeah, that makes sense. That makes a lot of sense.
Got a lot going on, a lot of plants.
Alright, well...
This is awkward.
Yeah, so again, I've got a lot to do, so I'm gonna head out.
Again, you'll see your little key cards in there.
He opens up the envelopes, puts in the gold, and takes out these three thinly carved strips of blood red jasper for each of you.
Whoa.
You see they're embellished with the Knight Lotus logo on each of them in gold.
So that's my spiel. Sorry for yapping so much. Anyway, any questions before I shove off?
No, I think we're good.
Yeah.
Great, and if you see my coat, just please like just hop on down to the manor and let me know. Reagan, you've overstayed're good. Yeah great and if you see my coat just please like just hop on down I'll let me know yeah, you've overstayed your welcome
Thank God someone
All right, yeah, so sorry about that. I you know I tend to Reagan yeah
Yeah, you're right. Okay. Yeah, have a good night. Thanks for standing at the not lotus. Okay. Yep
So Reagan pulls open the door and bowels deeply
As he does you see a thick sheet of fog has settled on the ground outside your room Okay, yep. So, Reigen pulls open the door and bows deeply.
As he does, you see a thick sheet of fog
has settled on the ground outside your room.
And above, the stars seem to hum a little more softly.
Then, the door swings shut, and at long last,
you are finally alone and free to enjoy the comforts
of your girthy yurt.
What do you do for the rest of the evening?
As soon as the door closes, I talk shit about Reagan.
I just go, was that really necessary?
That was so annoying.
I'm gonna try to do his accent, okay?
Check this out.
Okay, do it.
Oh, hi, oh, I'm Reagan.
Oh, oh, oh.
It's actually pretty offensive.
Can I search the pockets for the extra money he said he had?
Yes, feel free.
Oh, where's my coat?
It's off.
It's off.
You disappear into the roll.
What should I add to that?
Everybody just roll a d10. We'll take the two lowest.
Five.
Oh, just a d10. Nine. Five. Oh, just a d10, okay, nine.
Five.
Okay, so you find 10 more gold in there.
You also find in the other pocket,
just a little note that says you're doing great, Reagan.
Don't give up.
No matter how mean they are to you,
you're worth something.
I tear it up. Yeah.
Woof. Woof indeed.
Woof woof.
No barking, Bad dog.
So as you're shit talking, Reigen, suddenly the lights go out and you're bathed in darkness.
Okay, another thing for the complaint folder.
Alright, let's go complain right now, right?
Yeah.
I turned the flashlight on my phone.
Your phone battery doesn't work either.
Okay, this is two, let's go, our key cards work.
Let's go over to the mansion.
Reigen!
Reigen!
Reigen!
I kick down the door.
I break it and I start rampaging towards the mansion.
Get him, Keychain, stick him!
Go on, go on.
Keychain, go, bite anyone you see.
I try to rile Keychain up. Bark, bark, bark. It's open season. I give Keychain Re Sicken! Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!
Ruff!
Ruff!
Ruff!
Ruff!
Ruff!
Ruff!
Ruff!
Ruff!
Ruff!
Ruff!
Ruff!
Ruff!
Ruff!
Ruff!
Ruff!
Ruff!
Ruff!
Ruff!
Ruff!
Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! to that trail that Reagan mentioned before. You see now outside there's a thick blanket of gray fog
engulfing the entire campsite.
Hey there, Nat Poles.
This episode is brought to you by Squarespace.
You know that I love Squarespace.
I've been talking about them forever.
They're the all-in-one website platform
designed to help you stand out and succeed online.
Whether you are just starting out or scaling that business
of yours, Squarespace gives you everything you need
to claim your domain, showcase your offerings
with a professional website, grow your brand,
and get paid all in one place.
So head on over to squarespace.com right now,
check out their cutting edge design, their SEO tools,
you can even get your very own custom domain over there.
So check them out.
Go to squarespace.com slash pawpaw for a free trial.
And when you're ready to launch,
use our offer code pawpaw to save 10% off your first purchase
of a website or domain that is squarespace.com slash pawpaw
and promo code pawpaw.
Thank you everybody.
Hey everybody, it's Emily here to talk to you
about Mint Mobile.
You know what doesn't belong in your epic summer plans?
Getting burned by your old wireless bill.
While you're planning beach trips,
BBQs and three-day weekends,
your wireless bill should
be the last thing holding you back.
With plans starting at $15 a month, Mint Mobile gives you premium wireless service on the
nation's largest 5G network.
All plans come with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text.
Use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all
your existing contacts.
If I had needed this product, it's what I'd use.
This year skip breaking a sweat and breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at
mintmobile.com
Slash pawpaw. That's mintmobile.com
Slash pawpaw.
Upfront payments of $45 for three months, five gigabyte plan required, equivalent to $15 a month.
New customer offer for first three months only, then full price plan options available.
Taxes and fees extra. See Mint Mobile for details. Goodbye, sweeties.
In the distance, crickets chirp and the stars still thrum, albeit faintly.
But the mist is piled so high now that you can barely
see them a few thin beams of silver moonlight poked through the veil giving
you just enough light to see where keychain is pointing a small trail
leading deeper into the woods in the direction of the overseers manner as you
walk towards this trail what doesn't everybody give me perception checks?
Nat 20.
Wow.
Okay.
15.
25.
So you start descending into this fog,
but you are so angry that your fury cuts through it,
and you just, with laser precision,
start walking down this path.
And as you walk, for what seems like hours down this trail
You see that the stars have stopped singing and with every step you take the fog grows more dense
Okay, so much to complain about
This fog is way too foggy this trail is way too long the crickets are so noisy
I didn't come here to listen to bugs or to be outside or to walk.
The stars are humming too.
It roils and churns,
following behind you like a cloud of regret.
Your breath grows shallow
and a wave of lethargy passes over you.
You look closer and notice thick tendrils of mist
gripping and clawing at your legs,
like hands trying to pull you down.
You feel lesser somehow, like pieces of you
are leaking into the mist to join
and strengthen this ocean of fog.
And with your incredible rolls,
you also see a few other things.
You look further down the trail,
and you can just make out two high stone buttresses
jutting from the impenetrable woods.
Huge iron gates hang
on the crumbling stonework and set at the center of these gates you see a
large golden plaque. It's tarnished with age but still gleams in spots with a
strange blood orange light. You can't make out the words or the patterns from
here but you can see that there is some sort of sigil. Finally, with a nat 20, as you walk,
you could swear you spot a figure
almost floating past you in the mist,
but you blink and they're gone.
And as you search around for this figure,
you notice something else deep in the fog.
You see canine eyes flooded with moonlight.
Kit-Chin?
Kit-Chin?
Bark, bark.
It's not me.
I smelled him though.
Low growls emit from blood-stained teeth
as three enormous dire wolves start to close in.
Everybody, roll initiative.
Whoa, this is off leash. Snip their butt, Kit-Chin. close in. Everybody roll initiative.
Whoa, this is off leash.
Snip their butt key chain.
Ruff, ruff.
I don't know you.
18.
23.
I got a damn six.
So you are about 30 feet from this gate
that you've seen off in the distance.
You see these wolves closing in.
There are three of them.
These big dire wolves, they are larger than a normal wolf
and kind of carry themself in such a way.
They are apex predators and their mouths are just foaming
with blood and saliva and they look hungry.
Did you eat Reagan?
Onyx, you are the first to act.
Okay, Onyx goes to summon her packed weapon
Okay, but if our cell phone is not working
That is our patron
Onyx you go to summon your patron you go to log into Trinsta gram
But again you have zero service your phone isn't working
You are adrift. My followers? They have abandoned me?
Onyx, put these dogs down!
What are you doing?
Don't you have enough bars, Onyx?
Wait, my phone? I try to do CPR on my phone.
Come back to me!
I am not myself without you!
I don't know what I did to anger you!
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry!
Come back to me! Please! without you? I don't know what I did to anger you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Come back to me.
Please.
Post a notepad apology, Onyx.
You have to do something.
I can't even open notepad?
Onyx begins to hyperventilate,
and I think that's my action.
I'm concerned.
I didn't ask for a digital detox.
We're trying to get more screen time, you bad dogs.
Bad dog.
Gents, look at me.
I am without dopamine.
I turn to Nyack.
We have to leave her.
She's dead.
She's gone.
Magnaut, this is how she wanted to go, I think. Leave her. She's dead. She's gone. That nods.
This is how she wanted to go, I think.
Ha ha ha.
He ate my dog's while trying to give her phone CPR.
Honestly, I wouldn't mind if you put me out of my misery.
And yeah, I'm gonna use my action to hyperventilate
and perform CPR on my phone.
As you're doing this, go and give me a religion check.
Another nat 20
Baby fuck me. Okay. Yeah, do I?
Okay onyx with a nat 20 you go to try and revive a fire phone
But as you're doing this as you're pressing, I guess, the on-off button over and over again.
Stay with me.
Stay with me.
I've never loved anything as much as you.
You give into despair for a moment, but then you realize maybe this could be good.
Maybe being off the grid could help you actually detox and connect to yourself in a way you
haven't in a long time.
And then if you just rarely post,
think about how much engagement you'll get.
Yeah, think about all of the clarity posting
you can do when you get back.
Oh, I can be so smug.
They will all want to be me.
And as you realize that the posts you make
after being off the grid for a whole week or more
will get you so much engagement. You feel an arcane burst of energy as a result of your incredible willpower
and you have access to both your spell slots.
Do I have an action still?
I'll say that that was your action.
OK, I have access to my spellslots.
But you can you have your movement and you can take a bonus action if you want.
I think I will now that I have at this sort of revelation
I'm going to move behind to Jen's and my act was actually now I am pretty important
You're going to want to take this for me I have seen the What? I'm not taking anything for anyone, Niyak.
Brother. Get in front.
She thinks she's better than us.
Yeah. And she is.
What?
She's better than you, maybe.
Niyak goes to the front.
Yeah, good.
I'm glowing, but it's like I am a cell phone.
Yeah.
I'm glowing like a cell phone.
I have to protect the alpha.
All right, Thor, all right, what's the alpha?
No, you're definitely not the alpha.
There's only one, maybe two alphas.
I look at Oddix and I start sweating.
Why worship Zephon when you can become Zephon?
There's alpha and then there's alpha junior, James.
No, yes, and she's alpha junior, go on.
Nihak shakes his head.
Brother.
I'm not going to be a beta cook.
What?
Stop watching the video podcast.
You're too horny.
Did you get radicalized?
Are you in the manosphere?
I got served some videos while I was
looking at ball repair videos.
That makes sense.
OK, so Onyx, you're feeling revived.
Your detox has begun.
That is going to bring us down to Nyak.
Nyak needs to protect Onyx at all costs since he recognizes her as the Alpha now.
I have my regular bow, just not my magic bow or not?
You don't have any weapons right now.
I reach back behind me to grab an arrow and realize I don't have any weapons.
Do I still have one of those tiny little needles
from my acupuncture?
Yeah.
God damn it, yes.
Yes you do.
Yeah, you have a quiver full of needles lodged in your back.
I'll say that each needle does 1d4 of damage.
Okay, then I'm going to take an attack.
Oh my god, that's a nat 20 with an acupuncture needle.
Two big D8.
What are you guys doing?
And I have a dread ambush ability,
which means if I hit on one attack,
I get to attack again.
So I'll pull another acupuncture needle out,
and that one is an 18 to hit.
Both of those hit.
Okay.
Yeah, Nyack, as you are moving through this mist,
you feel more at home than you ever thought you would.
And you feel kind of, you feel like you could use this.
You feel like this could be your thing,
lurking in the mist, hiding in the shadows.
Maybe Onyx is having this detox moment.
Maybe it's time for Vacation Nyack to come out as well.
You start to feel these new abilities
and this new sense of purpose
and this new kind of identity forming.
And what does that look like?
Nyack, like cloaked in shadow, his blonde mullet.
The shadow kind of like soaks into his hair.
And now I have a jet black faux hawk,
Chris Caraba 2002 haircut, the Carson Daly.
Why is everyone so alpha right now?
I'm at home in the dark.
Keychain shows you his belly out of deference.
I look at you and my face looks like it's been like
face tuned as if by a phone filter,
but I'm just like that now.
Jen's shivers.
Nyhex squirts a little pee on the ground for Onyx.
Jen's reflexively covers his crow's feet.
You have Dajin from the rim of a margarita in them.
I wipe it away, but it's a show of dominance.
19 damage.
Wow!
Shit.
Hell yeah.
Not bad for some acupuncture needles.
Okay, so you go alpha to alpha with the wolf at the head of this pack.
You just flick some tiny little darts at them.
They kind of glint in the moonlight and strike the wolf.
That's right.
And it looks pissed and is bleeding more than you thought it would.
That is an excellent turn.
Is there anything else you want to do?
I think that's it.
Roll over and show your belly to the wolves.
To the wolves?
Nayek, may I roll in your pee?
What?
So that I smell like him, because he's the alpha.
He's not the alpha.
Oh, come on.
If anyone's the alpha, it's not me.
It's Sonic.
I'm the double junior alpha.
I blink at you, my eyes are so big.
I'm JB Alpha.
From an Instagram filter.
Look, she's fucking gorgeous right now.
Okay, so, Nyak, yeah, you manage to pull it together,
and you take on the mantle of a gloom stalker ranger,
your new subclass.
Yes, dude.
And as you do that, this head wolf, he can tell when there's another alpha around, and
he looks directly at you, his eyes yellowed with fury, and he is going to launch in and
attack.
Go ahead, I'm not afraid to bleed.
Who is this?
That could be a cool song.
Jen just feels completely normal, just annoyed. He's gonna roll with advantage because of pack tactics the
fog has really gotten to everyone okay we're gonna get back to the room the
lights are going to be on no I belong in the shadow brother we're gonna make a
dijourno we're gonna plug in our phones we're gonna watch for Instagram we're
gonna go to bed does a 17 hit um yes Okay, so that is going to be 8 damage from the first wolf.
Oh dear, okay.
That hurts Nyak a lot.
Okay, Jens is right, let's go back, let's go back, let's go back!
The other two wolves follow the alphas lead.
They're going to attack as well.
Okay, 24 to hit.
That just ripped Nyak's throat off.
And 14 misses. Okay, so that's one more hit.
That's 12 more damage to you, Nyak.
Oh my god, thank god for that 10th HP.
As these wolves absolutely rip into you, you feel wounds ripping faster than they should.
You feel sluggish.
You feel lethargic, and you feel like you're having trouble catching your breath.
And as you look and you see this blood flowing freely down your naked chest, you realize
something is wrong.
Something has stripped your power away.
They're coming for our life force.
Onyx, they took your phone and they're taking my blood.
I don't need the phone.
I am the phone.
And I am the blood, Nyak says, but doesn't believe it.
I'm the blood, I am the blood, Nyak goes to a knee.
Nyak, your wounds deepen and your breath grows ragged
and you begin to realize this is no ordinary fog.
Ever since you stepped foot into it,
it's been sapping away your power.
And now all three of you have been reverted to level three.
No!
No!
I'm so tired.
Niyak, stand back, I'll just chain lightning
these stupid dogs.
Actually so good to kind of clarify what really matters.
This is objectively bad, Onyx.
You look great, the filters look awesome.
We all want to look good.
No, you look terrible.
You look like you're being ripped apart by fucking dogs.
Chain lightning, chain lightning, I scream.
Is everyone having a glow up?
Jens, you reach into yourself to find that big well
of magical power and ability and it is empty.
You have nothing, you cannot cast chain lightning.
It is too high a level spell god damn it all right
I'll cast I've got a new spell called
defenestration
Wave of force erupts from your open hand hurling accretion you can see within range through a window
I guess the dog that is most hurt needs to make a strength saving throw.
Strength saving throw?
Yeah.
Calling it a dog instead of a wolf is so disturbing.
That's a six?
That fails.
Okay, so it's gonna take 46 damage.
What?!
Four-de-six.
Oh, four-de-six.
Not four-de-six. That'd be insane.
It's gonna take 46 of damage and if there's not a window nearby, an arcane window appears and it shatters through it so
Jens is trying to chain lightning trying to chain lightning and then just picks up the wolf and drop kicks it through a window
Fuck you. Fuck you. I'm still strong. Oh my god three alphas
1d damage
Jin finish this wolf finish this alpha. Yeah, I just unceremoniously throw it off the cliff.
Just one dire wolf has to be totally beat.
I've used one of my second level spell slots.
I'm totally spent.
I'm just heaving and near throwing up.
I think we need to run.
Do we need to run?
Are you still wearing this flowing cloak?
Yes, of course.
Ragen!
I take off.
I try to climb the fence, I guess,
for the rest of my turn.
You wanna head to the gate?
Yes, I'll head to the gate.
Okay, awesome.
We have to complain about these wolves.
You run to the gate on your turn.
I will say as a free action,
you can give me an investigation check.
Okay.
Oh, nat 20.
Whoa!
What the heck is going on?
Use them while you got them, friends.
Okay.
Yeah, true.
Shit, within nat 20, all right,
so you approach this massive set of gates.
They're set into this crumbling stone wall.
Dew clings with cold tenacity to the rusted bars.
Nearby you see two headless statues of the armed guardians flanking the gate.
Their heads now lying among the weeds at their feet and they greet you with only silence.
And also mounted in the center of the doors you see a large golden crest.
It's tarnished and covered with moss, but it gleams as if lit by
firelight. The crest depicts a majestic castle guarded by a raven with wings spread wide.
Beneath the raven you see the words SVZ. And with a nat 20, I will give you some additional details
about this crest. You see that the Z is much larger than the other letters. The other letters, the S and the V,
are raised on the plaque as if poured from a mold,
but the Z is recessed into the metal.
And the final thing I'll tell you is that on the Z,
you see three thin, segmented lines are etched
into this letter, dividing it into three even bits.
All right, I start pushing into it furiously.
Hello, I'd like to speak to a manager.
You push on it with your hand and nothing happens.
God damn it.
That is your turn.
Onyx, leave him, he's dead.
The longer it takes to eat him,
the longer we have to get away.
You see Keychain eyes the corpse of the wolf
that you defeated and kind of just like
Takes some mental measurements and then turns you all shakes himself out of his reverie and says does anyone require healing?
Nyak yes
Look at me Keychain does anyone require healing use your dog eyes. Sorry alpha I am healing but sort of on my own you look great
Okay, but we need to get out of here keychain up pours a little more into his barrel attaches it to his collar and then
Gallops over to you and let you drink from it. Oh, oh seven mostly come
Now now they function as normal healing elixir. So that's gonna be 2d8 plus 3 I'll roll that for you
I'm using the unearthed arcana artifice or rules which ups the healing to 2d8 plus 3, I'll roll that for you. I'm using the Unearthed Arcana Artificer rules,
which ups the healing to 2d8.
Whoa, sick.
Baller.
So that's going to be, oh, 12 points of healing for you.
Thank you.
You are welcome.
All right, so that is Keychain's turn,
he heals you a little bit,
and that brings us to the top of the order again.
Onyx, that is your turn.
Okay, I was planning on having a whole existential crisis,
but with that that net 20,
I am no longer beholden to social media. I am social media. So I am going to reclass.
I'll do it in between this and the next one. But I do have a spell that I feel is appropriate for becoming a cell phone.
I'm going to cast Suggestion on one of the wolves.
Holy shit.
And then point to the other wolf and say, attack him.
What do they roll for that?
Wisdom, 15.
11, so they do it.
All right, so this wolf is gonna attack the other wolf.
This makes sense because now there's kind of a squabble
over who's the alpha, so this wolf is gonna attack the other wolf. This makes sense because now there's kind of a squabble over who's the alpha, so this wolf is going to
bear his fangs and turn on his brother.
I don't think he gets pack tactics this time though.
No, no.
I'll be your pack.
That just hits, so he's gonna do six damage
to the other wolf.
And then I'm going to not even disengage or anything,
I'm just gonna wander over to the gate where Gens is.
What?
How did you do the face tune?
Tell me how to do it, you have to.
We're friends, you have to tell me how to face tune.
I became a cell phone,
and all the power that that entails.
Gens punches a wall.
She looks fucking great.
You see the wolf bows to you?
Blow a kiss and like a little social media heart flies at him. Please mommy. Please mommy. Give me more screen time
Please. Naya crawls after Onyx
And at the top of this round this was supposed to happen before Onyx, but I forgot, you also see... Did I distract you?
You're glowing.
You are charismatic to a fault.
You see two swarms of bats descend from the mist as well.
You hear their leathery flapping before you see them
And then all of a sudden they are on you these big just thick angry clouds of black amidst the mist
May have entered the fight as well. No, let's see. I think the bats are gonna go after
Onyx, you know it actually I'll roll it between onyx and gins
One to three it's onyx four to six is gins
That's a five. God damn it.
Two swarms of bats descend on Jynx.
Shit. I feel like we're gonna just divvy that up.
There's something on the divvets in the Z.
Do you see? Does this mean anything to you Onyx?
So that's a 9 and an 8. They both miss.
They just annoy you.
And then Nyak, that is back around to you.
So these wolves are fighting each other
right in front of me.
I'm crawling after Onyx, worshiping her,
and I guess I'll get up to the gate
where Jens and Onyx are, and do we have our little key cards?
You do have your key cards.
Does it look like the slots in this Z
would take the key cards? Oh, yeah, can we make
a z with the three of them? Yeah, we could. You can you can use your action to insert the key cards.
Okay, then I with my hand trembling caked in blood, I'm going to insert the key card into the slot.
As soon as you do that, you hear a loud click and the gate creeps open. Its hinges moan loudly in protest
as the large doors swing wide to reveal a long road shrouded in yet more mist. On either
side of the road you see tall trees bathed in shadow. Their branches twist and sway as
a cold breeze chills your back and beckons you forward.
The gates settle and as soon as they do, the wolves cease their fighting and scamper back
into the woods as if called by an unheard voice.
The bats fly off as well and for a moment you are alone.
Then one of the wolves returns and you see that it is now mysteriously holding a small woven basket inside its mouth.
The wolf sets the basket down, then bows its head and returns into the mist.
And as its tail swishes into the fog, you could swear you hear the sound of laughter.
Who the fuck is laughing at us?
What's so funny? How much I'm bleeding or something?
Niyak, go get that basket.
Niyak scampers forward, grabs the basket,
and then runs back, tripping over his own feet,
saying,
Your grace, out of the way, Jens!
Onyx!
Onyx is just floating along.
I stick my finger in one of Niax's wounds.
There's two alphas now, okay?
Your grace is.
Do you want to investigate the basket?
Yes.
I want to open it.
I just turn it upside down.
You pour the basket on the ground, just emptying its contents.
You see a bottle of wine, a canvas tote bag,
and a small tin of pastries thump onto the thick mud beneath.
And also, fluttering down amidst them, you see a small note with a wax seal in the shape
of a raven guarding a majestic castle.
I'll take the tote.
This better be a gift certificate. I first things first uncork the wine, pour two glasses, one for each alpha, and then...
Niyak reaches out.
And let me hold the bottle at least. It's a nice red, I'll keep it room temperature.
I look at Niyak and then I hand the bottle to the keychain.
Bad dog! I say to Niyak. And then I spritz him, and then I hand the bottle to the keychain. Hahaha! Bad dog! I say to Nyack.
And then I spritz him.
And then, uh...
Right, I sniff the cork.
I start drinking the wine,
and crack the note.
Alright, so you drink a little bit of the wine.
It is a Champagne de la Stompe
from the Wizard of Wine's Vineyard.
It has a nice, fizzy, effervescent taste to it.
As you sip this, the carbonation tickling your nose, you read the note and here is what
it says.
My friends, welcome to my home, the land of Barovia.
I have heard much of your exploits over the years and am excited to see if you can truly live up
to your potential.
Until that day comes, please enjoy your stay
and accept this small token of my hospitality.
Your host, Strahd Von Zarovich.
Are we at a different hotel?
Did you book the wrong hotel, Naya?
I react with a thumbs up emoji.
So you look up from the note and into the lands
that you now know to be Barovia.
Beyond the gate you see a winding road
snaking between two sets of towering mist choked trees.
Their pallid canopy blocks out all but a few
sickly threads of moonlight.
The woods have the silence of a forgotten grave,
yet the feeling of an unvoiced scream.
How do you proceed?
Where is the manager?
Our power went out in our yurt.
Yeah, where's our room, first off?
Yeah, if we're staying here now, then we want to-
We need a damn tram. We need a tram back to our room first off? Yeah, if we're staying here now that we need a damn tram
We need a tram back to our room. We need power and I need my power back Jane lightning
I walk around and I just look for a person complaint
on excess cast a
silent image to play
episodes of Friends
Thank God at least we have. We have to do the voices.
We have to do the voices, okay.
Could I be?
But it's also like a 15 foot cube.
So it's kind of like VR, but we have to do the voices.
Oh jeez.
Pivot.
We're on pivot.
I wish we were on the pivot episode.
Look, this is when Ross and Rachel are on the break
and it's all serious and they're stuck in the room
God no
Can we skip ahead? No, we can't you know, you know our rules actually
When you are friends with the phone you can I can cast a silent image as much as I want
So I just skip ahead.
Holy shit.
Wow, Nyak sits cross-legged in the grass.
No, all right, don't get complacent.
That's, someone owes us.
As you try to watch Friends,
Honest, you're trying to control the silent image,
but you do see that the mist kind of like
swirl around inside it.
You kind of hear this sinister laughter
almost echoing in your head
as a mysterious force takes control of the spell.
And you see that all of the characters on screen,
everyone in Central Park, briefly flashes into zombies.
You see Gunther's eyeball falls out of his head
and into someone's coffee.
He looks up and you hear a laugh track,
but instead of a laugh track, it is just screams.
Just screams and screams for way too long,
and then it cuts back and returns to your normal feed.
Okay, we have bad reception.
We have to go into town.
We have to go into town.
The DVD has a scratch on it.
What is it?
Where is the manager?
This is unacceptable. This is unacceptable.
This is unacceptable.
Carry me.
Excuse me.
Carry me.
Nya, carry Onyx.
Nya holds Onyx wandering down the path saying, excuse me,
to the air.
I am running around.
I don't care how intimidating they are.
I am demanding to speak to a manager right now.
Do you work here, I say to a tree? Onyx keeps acting like she's about to faint.
I would like to do a perception check just for anything,
like a cursed speaking book, a cursed speaking tree,
a weird little guy, literally everything.
Great, great.
Yeah, give me perception checks.
I'll also do a perception check, but with disadvantage,
because I'm performing my frailty so much that I'm tricking Yeah, give me a perception check. I'll also do a perception check, but with disadvantage,
because I'm performing my frailty so much
that I'm tricking myself.
I got a dirty 20.
I'll do a perception check with disadvantage,
because I'm carrying Onyx,
and she keeps on fainting over and over again,
knocking me off balance.
Oh my God.
Okay, I got a two.
I got a six.
Don't worry, I'll handle this.
Dirty 20.
Jens is at his best when he's complaining to a man
She's fainted four times. I think that's too many I
Grab both of you guys by the wrist and I'm carrying you like your children
I don't make it to reception
Bury me at sea. What?
That's not on film with you at all.
We're not gonna fucking do that.
I don't know.
At sea?
What the fuck?
We're in the middle of the woods.
What do you mean?
We're in the middle of the goddamn woods.
We're not tracking you anywhere.
Are you just trying to make your death
the fucking pain in the ass?
Do you just wanna be a burden after you die? I just want to make your death a fucking pain in the ass?
Do you just want to be a burden after you die?
I just want to vent my sadness
No, where the fuck is a manager?
God damn it, I'm gonna take a low level employee
I think we need to go down this trail
Ah, who are you? Oh, okay yeah
Where are we going?
You see Keychain walks up, he's got a wolf pelt slung over his shoulder. Yeah
This is for later. He just says mister okay dog shows where the manager is
dog
Keychain says the trail only goes that way therefore. I think we should go that way all right
Yeah, okay, so he points beyond this threshold, and as he points, you feel beckoned forward by a
cold wind and a righteous purpose.
To find Strahd and get a deep discount on your yurt.
Wind is way too cold.
I'm going to complain about that as well.
And that's where we'll end our session.
Oh my god. We've done it, friends.
The triplets are in Barovia.
Just the image of Nyak being torn apart by wolves.
Good lord.
I've got the AC to handle this.
No!
Super, super fun.
We'll talk about this more over on our Patreon,
patreon.com slash nadpod.
That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D,
don't sing yet, don't do it.
In the meantime, we've got some stuff to plug.
We've got some more Dimension 20 shows coming up.
We've got tonight's 20th, we're gonna be
at Climate Pledge Arena in Seattle,
and we're gonna be in Las Vegas in November
playing Starstruck, so be on the lookout for that.
Search Dimension 20 live.
Cool.
Check out my sub stack everybody.
Substack.com slash at Jake Hurwitz
and check out Emily's while you're over there.
I'm plugging it for her.
Yes!
And you can follow mine.
I don't have one, but I do have a username
and people keep following it for some reason.
I think it's a prank now.
I think it's right on.
I'll just give a shout out to Drawfee Show
because they did their live stream for Trans Lifeline
and raised $150,000
Whoa, hell yeah.
Which fucking kicks ass.
Awesome.
Yeah.
And with that, we'll go ahead and wrap this one up.
Thank you all so much for listening.
You can follow us on social media that we may or may not use, at StageFirstMe, at ColdestCaldwell, at AirstreamsEmily, and at yourgurtsasjake.
And you can talk about the show online using hashtag NADPod, that's N-E-D-D-P-O-D.
We are, we are, the youth of the nation. We are, we are, the youth of the nation. I'm going to be a little bit of a little bit of a
little bit of a
little bit of a
little bit of a
little bit of a
little bit of a
little bit of a
little bit of a little bit of a It's the end of the show, everybody, and that means I need to shout out our benevolent council
of elders, starting with Brad D, Jeffrey S, Lord of the Fjord, Later McSkater, Matt M,
Cutter W, Jeff C, Daniel G, Danielle the Dastardly dame. Carpe Liam. Victor T. aka Balnor's boy.
Hoyd's friend.
Justin I.
Danny Danster.
TJM.
Trayley the Cray.
Christopher B.
Damiel R.
Jordan L. cyborg version of Josh the Cobald.
Targot.
Stevie Wags.
Hellish Rebukeur.
The NBDM PhD.
Princess Yar.
Jory S. Jack L. Nicholas C, star of every film ever made in
Bohemia, Mike H, Alka Smeltzer Plus, Great Value Gemma, Tyler F, Carbro Chapel Hill FPV,
Cici Lulu, Bald Burn, Hercuo Poirot, The Rabbit Folk Detective, Timmy R,
Rabbit Folk Detective, Timmy R, Jake's Jerk Jelly, hashtag CCC,
Taylor B, the vengeful one-winged angel,
Cast Strong Grinch,
Steven, shout out to Bowie the Troll C,
Mike K, Nick W, William W,
Big Bad Beard of the Mad,
Eric McD, Ananarama, Percival Fredrickstein,
Von Musel, Klosowski de Rolo III,
J. Dragonborn, Guardian of the Vibe, honoring the cock.
This isn't even my final form, Ben A, Dave H,
Dustin S, Not That Nick, Danny F, Hawkeye Pierce,
Book Vars Assistant, ICF, Big Bad John,
DPC is Awesome, Sean, The Shade Tree Mechanic of Zelbaldar, Summer Rose aka Grand
Tare, Mark the Dark Lord's Taint, Kat C, Misa of House N'Zunza, Ariel the Occasional Mermaid,
Selena N aka Valay Sea Raptor, BPerkyAlways, Pat L, Lauren H, Serv16, Annie the Feywild Therapist, Pierogi Frenzy, Connor S, Saleel, Bioquart 7, Emberdextrous,
Bean Rat Was Innocent, Trub Hopdropper, Jack H, King of the Mole People Under Iron Deep,
Dressed in Blue and Fighting His Way Through a Bracket-Style Tournament, Valen, Podge,
the Bitchin' Bunny Bard, Jurritic Payton, Carlin C, Noah the Bullywug boy,
hashtag honor the cock, James G, Everything Bago,
the Aladdin who just wants to hang out
with his pet badger Stripey, Reverend Chatterbones,
Hawn, Eric B, Marcos, PhD student,
like a wizard artificer, IRL,
learns the balanced druid, Frida M, MAGGIE!
Holly the Green Laughing Hyena, Cal and Her Cats, Portland, Star and Berlin, Aaron B,
Russell H, A Monk Named Dilgo, yes the whole thing, yes every time, Cody C, Lorelai the
Succubi and Kyra the Succulent Snack, McKenna Stout, Your Friendly Neighborhood Yaunt and Yunkle, Andrew and Sid.
Soon-to-be Education Specialist, John Adams.
Meg the Mail Carrier of Bohemia.
James F. Austin S.
Wayfarer now has to do something with the trolls.
Get rid of them, turn to page 42.
Keep them, turn to page 69.
Oreo, Shane C.
Barpo Goodbarrel, Bard Barian, Garrett G aka One Big Curd, Charlie Brown's best
friend, Renee the Monster Captain, Olivia the Enchanting Bard, and Jared the Soap Opera Cleric
are now performing ballads from the Age of Stories. Blue Ash, Fico, Garrett the Artificer,
Anthony the Rattest of Dudes, Jay, the Fairest Have Returned to Dabotri
and Must Now Go to the Carnal Corner, Cantrip Dumbledore, the Bare Onesie Wearing Barbarian,
Lexi H, MJ the BFG, Roger L, No Drog, The Pass a Fist, Barbarian, Jean-Luc, Leon K, Legendary
Hero of Bohemia from a Future Campaign, Shenanigans O'Connor, Mios the Great, Joshua S, Alexander, Linz W, Sky the Wise aka the
lone dungeon master, Johnny Dude K, the mischief of NADPOTS familiars, Pabu Escanar the Goliath
Paladin providing service with a smile.
Kit and their cat, Tim M, Tiles L, TR, MLG Cheeto, Shelby,
Kennes' first favorite sprite girl, Tut-Tut-Totally Stoked for some more
Tr-T-Trinnyvale toxic triplets, everyone say thank you Dunkle, thank you Dunkle,
Jet S, Snailus who's infecting Worchester from within, the perfect pork roll, egg
and cheese, SPK, Anna Kaiser,
Jared, the soap opera cleric,
whose wife Olivia the Enchanting Bard
is the strongest and best wife in Bohemia,
Pawpaw Skydays,
Memaw Skydays,
Megan N,
Anthony B,
Savannah H,
Balnor's best friend Steve,
Stephanie of House and Zunza,
Benjamin A,
Gimli the Corgi,
Pawpaw and Foster's canine friend,
Mikel A, Josh H, pilot of the Nightmareverse flight, the two crew blew through,
Jennery, Kelsey A, Ethan the mailman, Maple the Shy Bookworm, Ashasaurus,
Seth E, Billy Batson, Tory the Tungsten Draggoose, accidental sharer of recipes. Michael L.S. the Second.
Carl B. Plumber of the Realm.
Dex Riddlewell.
Ace Dregs, High Lord of Critsburg.
Vin Diagram.
Ken Amelius the Consumed.
Clinton P. Cam the Frogman.
Dean.
Jake W. Says Hi Mom.
Tuesday Cross, only here for the surf and murph.
Steve L. Tyler McEm. Alex G, Zibidibackery,
Kaylee, Katarina C, Misty the Crispy Kitty
really hates flame skulls.
Greg W, there's so many of us now,
but hey, you're doing great and we love you.
Thank you, Greg W.
Baruk Thunderhelm, fifth generation Minotaur
working as an abandoned labyrinth tour guide.
Chupac Abrey, Bony is Dead, The Waterworth, Nick, Amy, Angus Kunari, Ignition Class Pedalstorm,
Charlemagne, Not the God, DJ Dramamine, Ulrich Von Zarevich, my favorite patron makes me
say penis on my show, and finally, Jen the rowdy. Thank you all so much for listening.
Thank you to all of our Benevolent Council of Elders and of course all of our Patreon
subscribers. We'll be talking more about the show over on our short rest on the Patreon,
patreon.com slash nadpod. We'll see you all next time.