Not Another D&D Podcast - Trinyvale X Strahd - Ep 02: Blood on the Vine

Episode Date: June 27, 2025

The Triplets make their way down the Old Svalich Road and into the cursed Village of Barovia! Jens fights for Small Business, Nyack gets some tongue and Onyx summons the ultimate accessory as the Trinyvale X Strahd Crossover continues!Support us on Patreon! - Patreon.com/NaddpodCREDITSEditing by Brian MurphyProduction and Sound Design by Daniel Ramos (@schubirds on IG)Logo Design by Chelsea LeCompteMusic / Sound Effects Include:"Trinyvale Opening Theme" - Emily Axford"Welcome to Barovia" - Kei Matsuo & Daniel Ramos"The Night Lotus" - Emily Axford"Barovian Tango" - Emily Axford"Lights Out" - Emily Axford"The Gate" - Emily Axford"Where is the Manager?!?" - Emily Axford"Selfless" - Emily Axford"Strahd" - Emily Axford"Trinyvale Closing Theme" - Emily AxfordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Welcome to Trinnavale. Trinnavale! And also Barovia! Barovia! Whoa! A little robotic, which makes sense, because you do have a robot friend. Regardless, it was fucking haunting. I am about to come ectoplasm everywhere. Thank you So so much dude. That's really crap. It's my show now

I will exude what I want. Oh gasm. That's right folks. We are back with episode 2 of Trinnaville Extra the collaboration everyone's been dying to see I am your Dracula uncle aka drunkunkle Caldwell Tanner joined as always by Brian Murphy. His powers are vanishing so he's complaining to management. That was clever, that was really nice. Thanks. Emily Axford. Finally home now that I've become a Lumiere. One day you wake up and your friend's a phone. Yep. And of course, Jake Hurwitz.

Elvin Ranger, who wants to talk to the mananger, Niaq of the Ranafore. Wow, wow. I swear I thought of it independently. No, it was written. It was written. That was written? I had to do a beast rhyme.

And you didn't rethink it? You didn't fucking rethink it? I didn't have time. You didn't fucking rethink it? I didn't have time. You didn't have time. You didn't have time. This is your job, motherfucker. Well, I mean, it's perfect. Yeah.

OK, now folks, before we begin our trek to complain to the menager of all of Verovia, how about a quick recap? I don't have time. of all of Barovia. How about a quick recap? I don't have time. No! Ah!

Ah! Our adventure began in the frozen peaks of Icewind Dale at a luxury wellness resort known as the Night Lotus. Upon arrival, our terrible trio wasted no time settling into vacation mode. Jen spread gossip and handguns to troubled hotel guests, Nyack got halfway through an acupuncture appointment, and Onyx watched videos of other people enjoying their vacations on her phone.

As the day came to an end, you three retired to your Leomund's girthy yurt to find your faithful robot keychain mixing up some experimental elixirs. After gaslighting him into being a dog for about 10 minutes, you were interrupted by Regan, your elven wellness advisor. Was it only 10 minutes? After having his coat instantly stolen by Jyns, Regan presented you with a Leomund secret chest and said that it was strongly encouraged for you to place all your magic weapons and items inside it. Regan explained that by giving up your weapons and items, you'd be able to avoid aggressive

thoughts and just focus on the present. So you all quickly tossed your gear inside the chest, but opted to keep your speaking stones. Before leaving, Regan gave each of you a blood red gemstone keycard and mentioned that if you had any complaints about your room or the property, that you could find him at the Overseer's Manor further down the trail. As he left, you noticed a strange fog gathering outside, but quickly dismissed it and started making fun of Regan's voice as soon as the door closed.

It was so weird. So good. I'm right outside the door. A short while later, the yurt's power went out. As did the water, heat, and more importantly, the service on your speaking stones. You all freaked out, but especially Onyx, who gets her warlocked pack powers from her social media followers. Incensed, you all bolted out the door and towards the overseer's manor, only to find the trail shrouded with a thick fog. As you progressed, the fog grew even thicker and your bodies felt oddly lethargic. Finally, you reached a large gate set into a massive stone wall flanked by crumbling

statues. And thanks to some incredibly perceptive roles, you also noticed three dire wolves waiting to ambush you. As the battle commenced, Onyx attempted CPR on her phone, only to have a nat 20 religious epiphany which led her to realize that she didn't need her phone because she is the phone. I do think that the moment happened when my lips were on the phone. Not chest compressions, lips. Afterward, Nyak used distilled embedded acupuncture needles

to deal a surprising amount of damage as he embraced the darkness around him and was reborn as a gloom stalker ranger with a black faux hawk and an alpha attitude. Get pricked, dick. His victory was short lived, however, as the wolves quickly retaliated and nearly tore him to shreds.

No, my blood! Hahaha. It was then that you realized that the mysterious mists had somehow stolen your power, sucked it away and reduced you all to level three. This was confirmed when Jynz attempted his signature chain lightning spell, but failed. Frustrated, Jynz conjured a window and then pushed a wolf through it so hard that it died. Hahaha. Kind of actually more impressive. Get fucked!

The battle raged on until Nyak used his huge alpha wolf brain to solve the gates puzzle by placing all three of the key cards Reigen gave you into it in the shape of a Z. I'm a genius! The door creaked open and the wolves and bats instantly departed. A moment later, one of the wolves returned bearing a basket containing pastries, a tote bag, a bottle of wine, and a letter from your host, Strahd Vanzarovitch. The letter explained that Strahd had brought you to Barovia to witness your potential, and he looked forward to your meeting. After reading it, Jen screamed

into the woods in search of a manager, and Onyx coped by summoning a silent image of a classic episode of Friends. Resolved to get to the bottom of search of a manager, and Onyx coked by summoning a silent image of a classic episode of Friends. Resolved to get to the bottom of this, you rolled perception checks and began hunting for the manager of all Barovia, Strahd Von Zarovich. And that is where we are now, so you're making your way down this muddy forest trail, being careful to avoid the black pools of fresh rainwater scattered throughout. And as you go, Jens, with the dirty 20 perception check you rolled last episode, you catch the

scent of death in the air. And as your nose seeks its source, your sharp eyes see moonlight glinting off of a few metallic shapes in the underbrush about 60 feet off the trail. It looks like there's building a new area of the resort over here, so maybe we could get like an upgrade. You saw people? We should be in the new building.

You saw people? Yeah, no, I didn't see people, I saw metal, and it smells like shit. Oh. Oh, they're probably putting in the septic tank. That's what I'm thinking, there's probably a dumpster next to the new building. We should be in the new build, yeah. The windows should be pretty airtight so we won't smell anything once we're in the room.

That's kind of what I'm thinking. Alright, so as long as we get an upgrade, I don't necessarily need to speak to a manager. I think they can make this all right with a room upgrade. Alright, let's go ahead and sneak ahead and check out this new Construction, okay. Do you want me to turn on my? flashlight No, I think I don't want them to see us just in case No, I would put it so it's just on them. I am a phone I can do

I don't know that you're a phone I am a phone. I can do anything. I don't know that you're a phone. I don't know that you're a phone. Nyaak starts pressing Onyx on different parts of her body. Where's the flashlight? Is it this button? I poke her shoulder. Let's go investigate this new building.

We wander towards the smell of shit and metal. We have to charge Onyx. We should get in there. All right, I forgot, I'm weak. Cool, so you wander off the trail and into the woods. The foul scent leads you to three human corpses. Hello, excuse me? Hello.

Hi. Hi. Are you camping or? They continue to be corpses. I don't wanna bother you, but how did you get this room continue to be corpses? I don't wanna bother you, but how did you get this room with the forest view? Can I mage hands the corpse to just shove it to the side? Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. I wanna rouse it.

Okay, well maybe they work here, maybe that's an excuse, maybe they just died, maybe that's why that they haven't been able to give us good service. I go over and I just start manhandling the corpses, trying to find, I guess, like gear. Okay, everybody give me investigation checks. Okay. Did everyone die?

Is that why the service here sucks? Yeah, I got a 13. I'm just looking for key cards for the new building. Okay. I got a 15. And I guess a sword. I guess. Because we did get attacked by wolves.

I have seven. Okay, Nyak, you rolled the highest. You're kind of in your element now. This is like a dark wooded area. You have incredible dark vision as a gloom stalker. You feel alive in the shadows. You go up to these bodies and beyond the normal glinting of metal that you see,

you find something else and I'll let you roll on the trinkets table. Ooh! Go ahead and roll me a D100. Guys, I think I'm going to the gift shop. Hotel gift shop 44. Okay, 44, you find a jar of pickled ghoul's tongues. What the hell is that, Nyack?

I got you a souvenir, brother. I don't want it. Go stand 15 feet away from us. It's the thought that counts. No, it's not the thought that counts. You did a bad job, Nyak, and it disappointed you. Nyak reaches absently for the wine that Keychain is holding.

Who are these people? So as Nyak focuses in on this bottle of pickled ghoul's tongue Can I have one? I'm feeling a little peckish Niyak's gonna open the jar of ghoul's tongues You get sick from eating BBs and you're gonna eat a ghoul's tongue Yeah, roll me a constitution saving throw What the fuck are you two doing?

Niyak slurps up a ghoul tongue like it's spaghetti. Oh that is oh god at minus one to con 15 15 I rolled these on X got a five. Oh I just I am like without reception. I am so weak. I need to be charged It's like a pickle but way worse. I Don't know why you guys are eating this stuff off a friend of dead people. It's like a pickle, but way worse. I don't know why you guys are eating this stuff off of a friend of dead people. It's like a bad French kiss. Okay, so Nyak, with your score,

I think that in your new kind of gloom stalker vacation mode form, you are really living for all of this. The creepier, the crawlier, the better. You slurp this thing down. Yeah, it's like me crouching down to lick mud or something. I'm just getting the lay of the land. It's like who tasted who, honestly, as this tongue slithers down your throat.

Oh my god. And I'm gonna say that you have the Bless spell cast on you for the next 10 minutes. Wow. So you can roll a D4 on attacks and saving throws. Frenched by an angel. Ha ha ha. Onyx, I'm gonna say, unfortunately, this does not really agree with you.

What? I wanted to be a primal caveman. Ha ha ha. What? Nevermind, I'm gonna be a vegan. Yeah, you like, pick up your speaking stone on an impulse to like look and see if this is part of some sort of like fad diet.

Yeah. But you remember that your phone doesn't work, you are the phone, you have to rely on yourself. And you've just eaten a bad pickled tongue, uh, and you're just gonna have to live with those consequences. Uh, you take 1d6 necrotic damage. It's 2 damage, and you have the Bane spell cast on you. Eugh! I told you I need to be charged! Yeah, don't eat these fucking tongues. I feel great.

Who are these people that kick the corpses? What are they wearing? What are they doing? Do they have tongues? So, Jynns, you kick the corpses, very disrespectfully. Yes. And notice that they appear to just be commoners. Their muddy clothes are torn and raked with claw marks.

Crows have been at the body, which is surrounded by paw prints. They've obviously been dead for several days. One body clutches a blood-stained longbow, and another holds a set of rusty short swords. The third bears no weapon, but cradles a crumpled envelope close to their chest. And Jyns, I will say with your dirty 20 perception check from earlier, you see the slightest twitch in the fingers of these corpses as you kick them and manhandle them. I guess I first things first take the swords and then I'm going to pat one of them on the shoulder and go Hey, um, I think maybe you were staying at a cheaper resort or something like that and you've gotten lost This is the campus for the campus? No? This is the grounds for the night lotus actually.

As you say this the zombie reaches out a hand to try and grab you to pull you down But because of your good perception score you're too quick for it And you draw back at the last minute pulling the swords with you You see the corpses fingers begin to twitch you hear a gurgling deep in their throat with you, you see the corpses fingers begin to twitch, you hear a gurgling deep in their throat, bones crack and flesh strains as the bodies begin to rise and lunge towards you, everybody roll initiative. Oh, yeah.

Six. 21. 14. Okay, so you're like deep in the woods off the trail, these three zombies have just started to rise. Jins, you have pulled the two short swords from this one zombie. The other one is still clutching an envelope and the other one still has a longbow. It doesn't look like they know how to use these things or just kind of like clutching them as if they were

important to them in a life prior. Okay, great. So they start shambling towards you faster than you might expect. You do see that these zombies, despite looking like the normal undead, do kind of have like a firmness to them that you haven't seen in zombies before. It's almost like their blood is pumping faster. They're more capable in a way. They have sort of a fire burning within them that normal zombies do not. And that brings us to Nyak at the top of the order. Take these guys' stuff and let's get out of here.

I think the best way to honor your lives is by you guys giving me your weapon, and I'll be good to it. Nyack's gonna try to approach one of the zombies and take the long bow. Okay, great. Give it here. Would you give me a contested strength check? That's a 10.

The zombie got a dirty 20. Fuck. Just like, just pushes you back. Ow. Hey. Give me back my pickled tongues. You're rude. You were dead before, this is way unfair.

Yeah, you're dead, I don't know why you're allowed. I don't know why you're allowed here. This is our resort now. You were dead, these are my tongues. So that was your action, you have anything you'd like to do for your bonus action, any movement? Now that he pushed me away and isn't gonna just give his bow up,

I'm going to cast a bonus action, Hunter's Mark on him, and I'm gonna mark him as my quarry. Nice. As you do that, you see kind of this like, almost like silky gauze invisible curtain, like drapes over him in a weird way, just showing that he's been marked by you and that brings us to The zombies turn all right, so I think they will probably there's three of them, so they'll probably just go for each of you

They're gonna start with nyack. Let's see here. Wait is there no new building at all. I look around Where's the new building? The building will be built off of your bones Where's the new building? Where's the new building? The building will be built off of your bones! Yeah, right! Will it have an HVAC? All right, that's gonna be two hits.

What did I do to you besides steal your tongues and try to steal your bow? Give me your tongue in exchange, it's only fair! The zombie's gonna take, let's see, one bite attack on you and then one claw attack, so that's five damage total. Gross! Gross! Just give me your tongue, so that's five damage total. Gross, gross.

Just give me your tongue, come on, it's fair. No. It's nice. It's a nice thing to do. I agree it would be nice. All right, other zombies are gonna go for Jins. What? Okay, ooh, fuck, that's a net 20, sorry, sorry. That's a bite for two damage and then double on the claw attack,

so that's gonna be 11 more damage. Jesus, 13 total? Yeah. I'm so hurt. I'm gonna make a house out of your bones. Straight up just rips my shoulder off. Ah! Ah!

I don't care about your fucking bow, Jens. Turn, I'm gonna run, I'm just gonna leave. I make it clear with my body language that I'm not helping. Brother let's get weapons together. Okay, actually, and then Onyx, the last zombie heads towards you. This is the zombie clutching the envelope in its hands. It's got one hand clutching this envelope and the other one is reaching out to claw at you But your AC is it's 16 now. Okay your AC is 16 so all three of these attacks miss. Yeah

Fast fucking zombies Turn off your flashlight. Oh Jesus the 28 days later zombies. They're not Resident Evil zombies. They're fast You see them start like stretching their legs. Oh, fuck. Oh, God, they're limber. One of them pounds one of those goo packs. Jesus. You see that it's pickled goo packs.

Ooh, nice. Okay, so that is the zombies turn. Onyx, that is you. Okay, I see Jen's running and I'm like, oh, that's a good idea. So I am going to refreshing Misty Step. Whoa. I cannot charge myself, but I can charge you. And I'm gonna Misty Step to Jen's

and I'll give you a D10 of temp HP. Whoa, what is this spell? Five, it's just a archfey ability. Whoa, sick. And then I'm gonna use my action to run. I don't have a weapon. Onyx, you've just given me enough energy to try to steal something.

Onyx, yeah, you Misty Step to Jins. As you do, you feel like you're almost able to like, reclaim the mists in a bit. They seemed like they were encroaching and sucking life from you, but as you jump jump you feel something old Something ancient in them something that connects you with these mists Reaching out and empowering you as you appear right next to Jen's with a refreshing spritz to the face

Ah I spritz him with hyaluronic acid Jesus! You're excited to say close your eyes and then I take a dash action. I just have a giant chunk out of my shoulder and I've been sprayed in the face and just rolling around in the ground. The crow's feet are extending to his eyeballs. Leave Nyak! You see a crow flies over and says, wow, now that's what I call crow's feet.

I kill the crow. This guy hates crows. It is your turn, so you can kill the crow, but are you crows. It is your turn. Great. So you can kill the crow, but are you going to run or what's your thinking? Yeah, can I sleight of hand and try to steal the letter? The letter, yes. Awesome. Cool. Oh boy. That's an 11.

Okay, I'll say that the zombie's going to make an insight check to see if it notices, but it's got really bad insight. Let's see here. You got a 10. Woo! Okay. awesome. I'm going to then grab this letter, disengage and take off into the woods. Sick. This is good because I know their faces

and so if we get their names, I can pretend to be them. Oh, good. Yeah, we can complain about that. Impersonating people is something that phones are really good at. I love AI. I love AI. I actually was even referring to that by now. I know.

Jens gets a second lease on life thinking about how much he loves AI as he runs into the woods. Right. Jens canonically loves AI. The comics they make are so funny and well drawn and different. They're so good. Okay, so you run thinking about how funny it is when they don't have the right amount of fingers.

Right. And then that brings us back to the top of the order. Naik, that is your turn. Your two comrades are running, but you still have not managed to wrestle free this bow, which seems like it'd be nice to have. What are you thinking? Yeah, I step forward toward the zombies,

saying, you messed with the wrong triplets as my friends run away behind me. He's dead, he's dead on it. We have to move on. Hold him down, I'll get his tongue. So I'm gonna drop concentration on Hunter's Mark and cast Zephyr's Strike as a bonus action. Okay.

Which makes me move like the wind and not provoke opportunity attacks. Ooh, yeah. And I want to try to strafe up to the zombie with the bow. Potentially, if I'm moving like the wind, try to steal the bow with a sleight of hand. Okay, awesome. Okay, that's a 17. of hand. Okay, awesome.

Okay, that's a 17. 17, alright, I'll roll insight for the zombie. It got an 11, so you get it! Great. You slip up to this zombie and just like, without it even noticing, you actually just like grab it and its hand come off with the bow. And then you're just gone into the mist with your friends. Thanks for the tongue, I say as I French kiss him and go running into the mist.

Didn't I act just make out with that zombie? I mean, you get a taste for it, you know? No, no I don't. I considered it myself. I am a denizen of the dark. Why don't you give me stealth checks to see if you can lose the zombies in the mist as you're running back towards the trail.

Okay, does Bane effect ability checks? No, it's just attacks and saves, right? I got a nat 20. Ooh! That's another 17 for me. Okay. 18 for Onyx. Awesome, let me roll for the zombies. They have bad perception.

Shout out to the two crew. Woo! Noise. So yeah, you claim these weapons and then just absolutely bolt. The mist swirls around you. It takes a second, but you manage to get your bearings again. You see just glimpses of the moon peering through. And you find the nice, soft, muddy trail again.

You never thought you'd be so happy to see a wet, muddy trail. But you found it, and you are back. Oh wait, this might be the spa. I take off my clothing and get into the mud. to see a wet muddy trail, but you found it, and you are back. All right. Oh wait, this might be the spa. I take off my clothing and get into the mud. I'll hold your robe. This better not be the fucking spa. Although who knows at this point?

There's just zombies out there biting people's shoulders off. Oh my god, that could have been the masseuse. We don't know if that's a new technique. They were doing acupuncture on me, and it felt bad, but now it actually kind of feels loose. I feel like if you're a masseuse. We don't know if that's a new technique. They were doing acupuncture on me and it felt bad, but now it actually kind of feels loose. I feel like if you're a masseuse, you have to tell me you're a masseuse,

and they didn't. You know what I mean? Were they massees? They could have all been massees. I don't know. Okay, look, we just need to work. Wasn't a flock of massees? A flock of massees?

I think we were received. Okay, you guys are being really funny right now, but I just need to speak to a manager, okay? I just feel like I need to speak to a manager. Open the letter, open the letter. The envelope. The envelope. The envelope might have key cards to our new room.

Oh, thank God, all right, let's find out. Maybe they did work, they were in hospitality or something like that. It could be another tip. Okay, yeah, I crack the note. Awesome, you crack the note and you read the following. Hail thee of might and valor, I, the Burgermaster of Barovia,

send you honor with despair. My adopted daughter, the fair Marina Kuliana, has been these past nights bitten by a vampire. For over 400 years, this creature has drained the lifeblood from my people. Now my dear Marina languishes and dies from an unholy wound caused by this vile beast. He has become too powerful to conquer. So I say to you, please give us up for dead and encircle this land with the symbols of good. Let holy men call upon their power that the devil may be contained within the walls of weeping Barovia. Leave our sorrows to our graves and save the world from this evil fate of ours.

There is much wealth entrapped in this community. Return for your reward after we are all departed for a better life. Good luck and morning, Lord Keepio. Kolyan Indirovich, burger master. The burger master left a terrible review. Okay, I actually have to be really honest. I don't do burgers anymore. I am a vegan. Maybe they have vegan burgers though.

Okay. They said there's wealth to be had, so there's treasure. That's good because vegan food is really expensive. Yeah, it's true. Yeah, logically so. I saw reward, okay. All right, so I don't totally understand what's happening here, but there seems to be

a negative Yelp review of the hotel. Okay, who is it? And if we can prove and destroy the hotel, take it down, this rich burger tycoon will pay us It just says hail thee of might and valor Yeah, so yelp so it's it sounds like this burger master was the master of burgers this hotel opened up There was probably a really fine dining like popular restaurant in there cutting into the burger magnates profits can you imagine?

they put a mom and shop pop out mom and shop pop? ok bad dog bad dog bad dog you're not letting me be part of it I can't join in bark bark, park. Give a dog a bone. Come on. Well, if we can shut down this hotel, then we could go to the Mom and Shop Pop and see if we can help them franchise. Yes, we found it. The Mom and Shop Pop is where we will have the burger master work

for us, creating his fantastic burgers. And this, I mean, this hotel is a shit show it should be destroyed ever since I got rid of my phone because I became a phone actually I am so concerned about mom-and-shut pops yeah it's all about it's all about this proprietary recipe because then it's a then it's a licensing matter yeah oh so then we can even cut out the burger master but let's not let on exactly right exactly okay and then there's something about vampires which I don't know maybe they like really rare burgers. Yeah a lot of blood. Yeah I think it's I think it's burger based. Onyx is? Oh vampire he says something about his daughter becoming a vampire maybe she works for the hotel now. Oh, Maxina.

Okay, so we'll kill her if we see her. Okay. Kill one side, yes, got it. Okay, I think we've got our marching orders. We're going to open a burger restaurant. With this guy. Shut down the hotel, murder the daughter. Bring this guy in to learn his secrets of the burgers,

then cut him out, eventually. Yeah, yeah, okay. Joey style. This is eventually. Cut it, cut it, yes. Joey style. This is good. Uncle Joey, cut it out. Yeah, I only know what that represents. I silent image some full house. I only know Joey Trimiani.

Anyway. See Joey. I silent image a scene between Joey Trimiani and Uncle Joey. Okay, now here's the thing. How you doing? Can a phone tease it? Okay, so I guess first we're looking for this burger master, right? That would be step, so I guess first we're looking for this Burger Master, right?

That would be step one. Right. If we're looking for the manager, only in so much that we're going to kill the manager. Right. Okay. All right. Okay. We've got our marching orders. Let's go for the Burger Master.

Okay, so you continue down the road. I guess can I take a short rest? Someone bit my shoulder. I'm also quite hurt. Yeah, I could. Okay, you're gonna take a short rest? Someone bit my shoulder. I'm also quite hurt. Yeah, I could. Okay, you're gonna take a short rest? Yes. Great.

Go ahead and do that. And then once you're done calculating your hit points, somebody roll me a d8 for a Svalich Road encounter. What? Okay, if we are taking a short rest, I think that maybe Onyx is going to look at Nyx bow. And she thinks to herself, oh, my phone was my weapon, but I became my phone. So I am the weapon now. What does a phone need? It does not need a weapon.

It needs an accessory. Like a key chain. No, that's not what you meant, sorry. Bad dog. And I'm going to take out my journal because ever since I cut the cord and became a phone, I'm into manifesting. And I think I'm going to journal about my dream pet

because I've never had a pet before. We cut back to the night Lotus to see Obsidian snoring blissfully on your bed. He's got cucumbers on his eyes and a seaweed wrap on his horn. Who? And I'm going to doodle a picture of a little imp. And I'm going to doodle a picture of a little imp. Okay. And I'm going to try to manifest.

And I guess with this, I'm gonna cast Find Familiar. Whoa. And from the page steps up, because now that I don't have a phone, actually my journal is so powerful. And I'm so enlightened. So, and I'm gonna, from the page steps up a little imp, who's now my Pact of the Chain familiar.

Whoa. And I'm gonna say, everyone meets Bluetooth. Hello. That was terrible. I accidentally kicked Bluetooth. You kicked me instead. No, sorry. Backchens, backchens.

Don't spitz me again. Whimper, whimper, whimper. Don't sp to me. Onyx, please, may I pet your familiar, please? May I hold him and snuggle him? No. Naya clenches his fist. That is fair.

I have to respect it. Pets are to be seen, not to be touched. May I feed him a tongue, please? Pets are to be seen, not to be touched, or heard. All right, yes. Naya stomps into the shadow. We have a burger master to speak to. Okay, okay, you are taking, I didn't need hit points, I needed Bluetooth.

Okay. Wow, fuck off. What? This little guy's got an attitude problem. He flips you off. What? This little guy's got an attitude problem. He flips you off. What the hell? He just needs to snuggle on us, Onyx, I beg you. Just as I manifested.

No, this is just, yeah, this new generation's really disrespectful. I kick a corpse as we walk past it. Let's get going. You know what I could also call him? Genz Z. What? Bluetooth, aka Genz Zee. What? Bluetooth, AKA Genz Zee. My name is Genz, you're not allowed to do that.

And I'm young and I'm hip. Good Genz Zee, I pet the air near him. Wow, I love your chunky sneakers. Yeah, Onyx, can you describe what you think Bluetooth looks like? Is he like a standard Imp, or does he have more of like a Arch-Faith flavor to him? He was gonna be like an Imp, but now I think he is an Imp,

but dressed in Gen Z style. So he has a middle part. But does he have the broccoli hair or the middle part? He has broccoli hair that is a middle part. Wow. He has broccoli hair and a middle part. He has broccoli hair that is a middle part. Yeah he just kind of like aloofly looks at all of you and says, so where we're going? We are going to kill the manager. We're going to kill the manager, we're going to talk to the burger man. Alright, and gomendera mom and chef pop. Complaining is problematic, but killing killing love that. That's right. Okay. I

Don't think you're part of this You're gonna shut up and listen to a podcast yes, I put Here and then one into his mouth so he can suck on it And then I put an iPad in his hand and a Fitbit on his wrist He starts playing like a really grotesque looking game on Roblox I give him Jen's credit card so he can spend as much money as he wants I feel like those guys back there stole my wallet. I don't know what happened So as you get set up with your new familiar

Can somebody roll me a Svalich Road encounter? I got it That's a four a four. Oh shit. Okay, everybody roll me a luck check. Oh boy. Okay This is a good way. Don't worry 14 14. I got a one Okay 10 10. I falls and breaks his neck No, this is a good one, don't worry. 14. 14? I got a one. Okay. 10. 10? Nyak falls and breaks his neck. Actually, yes.

Nyak is just staring with adoration at his pickle jar full of tongs, and he doesn't see a root peeking out of the soil, and he trips, and just with all of his might holds his pickle jar up aloft so that it doesn't break. He manages to keep it from breaking, but as he does, Jins, you see that in the soil next to him, there is something half buried there,

and you have found another trinket. So you can also roll on the trinket table. Whoa. Woo! So roll me a D100. Okay. Wow, there was some gnarly stuff on this list, and you got the best one.

29. 29, okay. Let's see if it beats a jar of tons. Call me a D100. Okay. There was some gnarly stuff on this list and you got the best one. 29. 29, okay. Let's see if it beats a jar of tongues. My God, there's something peeking out of the mud. Niaq, stick your hand in there and get it. Niaq Frenches it. No, I said grab it.

I'm a tongue guy now. This is so much better than tongues. You get a lantern with a black candle that never runs out and burns with a green flame. Whoa! Yeah. This is pretty neat. Taste it! That's what I did with the tongue. No! No one else touch it. Give it to me.

Thank you. This will be great for cooking burgers. It's okay, Das. Shut up. Hey, hey! I put the AirPod pacifier back in its mouth. Wait, Bluetooth, can I have your approval? I stand between Bluetooth, aka Gen Z, and Nia. Move, Onyx, I wanna see if I can get Bluetooth's approval. Do you think I'm all right?

You see he's made a version of you in Roblox, and he's just pushing it off of various buildings. Does that mean you respect me? Gen Z, how old, how old are you? off of various buildings. Does that mean you respect me? Jens, how old do you all think Jens is? You called him Jensie. Fuck. I mean, how?

Jens, I will say, you fish this lantern out of the soil. Nyak fishes it and then I take it. There you go, yeah. Well I French it, yeah. Nyak cleans it off with one of his tongues. Here you are. I have to mindedly kick Nyak. Don't take my fucking bit.

Fight, fight, fight! I try to form a fight circle between my hands. Jen's Z, will you not stand up for me? My dog is barking at me. Not having awesome AI comics to read is tearing us apart! Okay, yeah, Keychain tries to lunge at you, but misses. Just at 13. I'm passing. Oh my God. All right, I have the lantern.

Yeah, you light the lantern. It pierces a little further into the fog, which gives you a better lay of the land as you walk. And eventually you see that the forest starts to thin as you emerge into a large plain overrun by ragged sheets of mist. The trail dips gently until it comes to rest against a cluster of tall shapes looming from the fog.

Bright flecks of light dance amongst the shapes, and as you walk, the muddy ground underfoot gives way to slick, wet cobblestones. Gradually, the ghastly structures transform into village dwellings, and the lights become windows and torches. No sound cuts the silence, save for a mournful sobbing that echoes through the streets.

Ahead of you stands an abandoned guard post and a small sign that reads, Welcome to the village of Barovia, the perch upon which the raven lofts. Beneath that you see someone has added current burgomaster, Kolian Indirovich. Oh wow. I also just want everyone to know that actually,

Bluetooth, AKA Gen Z, flies. So he was flying. Okay, he was flying all the time. He glides on his iPad. Okay, alright, so we're gonna find this Burger Master, but now that we're in the resort town, should we get a quick dinner? Like I feel like it should be on the meal plan, I assume. Yeah, as long as it's vegan. Nayak, you put the meal plan, right? Well, yeah, the price, it should be all inclusive. It should be all inclusive.

Yeah, yeah. We have the continental and the unlimited food and beverage. We technically have money on us, but we should really dig our eels in and say that this is all inclusive. So we're gonna look for a vegan restaurant that's part of all inclusive. Yeah, I actually would prefer is that both of you eat bacon. That's fine That's fine. I like burger and I mostly just eat the top bun. That's kind of yeah after seeing everything

That's been going on with nyack today. I just don't have much of an appetite Nice little oh, I Frenched one zombie and you're being weird about it. Yeah, and you French the mud as well I I Frenched my candle. I being weird about it. Yeah and you French the mud as well, right? You licked my candle. I Frenched a zombie. Yeah and you Frenched a zombie. I Frenched a ghoul. A ghoul, great. I Frenched a ghoul and I lied.

Are you jealous because everyone's hooking up on this vacation and you can't close, brother? No, I'm not, you haven't hooked up. You haven't hooked up, none of you have hooked up. I hooked up. I hooked up. I hooked up. You hooked up with what? You ate pickled tongues.

That's not... Do you all have... Have you all forgotten? First base. I had a ghoul's tongue down my throat. Okay, I would show you what hooking up is, but I don't have access to AI, okay? Let's get going into town. Okay. Yeah, let's get the all-inclusive vegan restaurant. All-inclusive vegan restaurant. Well, the first person we see will flag them down. I'll knock on the first door. Yeah, let's just look for, we'll look for signs for like a restaurant. Yeah. It's very quaint.

Even if this isn't the vegan one, they'll point us to the vegan one. They'll point to the vegan one because they all- You can always say, do you work here and someone will- It's all part of the resort town, so it's up to them if They all work together, yeah. Yeah.

All right. All right, so you walk past this guard post. As you do, you see Keychain looks around, says, perhaps it would be best if I disguised myself. And you see his gears shift and grind as he falls to all fours and transforms into a steel defender robotic dog. Whoa.

Ooh. He drapes the wolf skin that he took earlier over his frame, thus completing his disguise, and then he just kind of pads along next to you like a very poor impersonation of a dog. That's a really good call. I'm also going to put on a disguise, and I'm gonna disguise myself to be

one of the guys that we saw before. Oh, okay. In case he knows anyone in town. Nice. Which one are you disguising yourself as? The one who was holding the envelope. Awesome, okay, great. Cool, and actually, as a gloom stalker,

I have access to disguise self. So I'll cast disguise self and turn myself into the zombie that I necked with. Is there a reason you all want to be different people right now? Because I'm trying to be the restaurant. Because they might know someone in town. In which case we can be like, can I stay here

and borrow some money? I like to assume a false identity on vacation so I can really cut loose. Okay, yeah. Fine. Yeah. New me. Yeah, if I borrow money as this person, I never have to pay back. You're all just kind of getting on my nerves. Okay, yeah. Fine. Yeah. Knew me. Yeah.

If I borrow money as this person, I never have to pay back. You're all just kind of getting on my nerves. I think I do need to eat. I think I do need to eat. Okay, I'm going to put an AirPod pacifier in Jen's mouth. Jen starts sucking on it and walks into town. And I give you an iPad as well. He's tie-tie.

I think he's tie-tie. Me and Bluetooth are just looking at iPads as we walk into town. Careful, the stones are slick. I am not looking at my surroundings. So, this description is just for Onyx and Nyack, I guess. You wander past row after row of dilapidated house, some boarded up, some locked tight, and occasionally you see eyes following you from the cracks and slivers in each.

Inside them you hear a mixture of muffled sobs, panicked prayers, and occasionally hysterical laughter. Soon you reach the town square. To your left, you see light spilling from a tavern named Blood on the Vine. Not vegan. Oh, but it's not. Oh, from a tavern named Blood on the Vine. Not vegan. Oh, but it's not. Oh, but it's not.

Oh, but it's not. Oh, but it's not. Oh, but it's not. Oh, but it's not. Oh, but it's not. Oh, but it's not. Oh, but it's not. Oh, but it's not.

Oh, but it's not. Oh, but it's not. Oh, but it's not. Oh, but it's not. Oh, but it's not. Oh, but it's not. Oh, but it's not. Oh, but it's not.

Oh, but it's not. Oh, but it's not. Oh, but it's not. Oh, but it's not. Oh, but it's not. Oh, but it's vegan. It's vegan. Blood on the vine instead of on your hands. Yeah, we don't look at anything else. We don't even... Knock knock, I say as I open the door. Incredible. Knock knock, I say as I open the door. Hi. Four and a dog?

We don't have a reservation. For dinner? We're all vegan all-inclusive. We're all vegan. You probably know me, I'm from here. We have a gift card and we're vegan. Okay, okay. We did all-inclusive.

We were allowed to order from any restaurant. So Onyx is disguised as the guy holding the envelope. Jynns is disguised as nothing. Yeah, you're disguised as nothing. So you burst in. A broken bell rattles as you burst through this door. You see this once-finely-appointed tavern has grown shoddy with age. There's a blazing fire in the hearth, giving scant warmth to the few huddled souls within.

The souls include the barkeep, one patron huddled at the bar, three boisterous women sitting together at a table near the fire, and a blonde man with a dour expression and fine leathers nursing a drink in the back of the room. As soon as you enter though and say knock knock, we're coming in.

Knock knock, we're coming in. Knock knock we're coming in. Table for four and a dog. You see the man with blonde hair and fine leathers stands up and says, Dolphin, is that you? Yeah. It's been, Why did you guys do this? It's been days.

Did you manage to post the warning on the outside of the gate like my father asked you to? Yeah, I did. You did it? I did it, yeah. Yeah, I think Dolphin could use a free meal for Dolphin's service. Yeah, we're on the meal plan.

Did you say the burger master was your dad? Yes, Kulian is my father, yes. Oh, I'm friends with these guys, we met. Oh! Yeah, we met, It convinced me to go vegan It's just that the sign said specifically do not enter so I little worried. I'm just gonna hear I'm from here Oh, you're from yeah, but you're coming my name by the way We know this one is named dolphin, but you didn't say me and it's me again

Oh, yeah, could you I don't I pointed this character. Don't be rude introduce Jen's to I'm waiting And I point to Naya you were traveling all the way from the gate and you did not say your name to each other We've been waiting for you. I was feeling shy. Yeah Friend tell me did Strahd mesmerize you is that why you cannot remember who you are Is that me Strahd remember who you are? Is that me, Strad? No, Strad's the manager. Sorry.

Look, let's just say this. Corker, please! Corker, please! Corker? What do you remember? Tell me everything you know about Talmere! Corky and Dolphin? And you, how did you make it through the mists?

I just walked. You must be... He's a lot of experience with son-a's. I have a bone to pick with the manager Shrodd. And I've come here to make things right with the Burger Master and the mom and pop, mom and shop

pops. Yeah. We are here to defend the mom and shop pops from the manager Shrodd. We think it's terrible what they did to your burger restaurant. We are here to defend the Mom and Chef Pups from... From the manager, Shronk. We think it's terrible what they did to the pizza restaurant. And we think this establishment is awesome, but this is only the beginning of what it can be.

Do you know what I'm saying? This is sort of the one patron and the three boisterous ladies. This is not enough. And in fact, they're being a little loud. Shut up, would you? Careful. Those are the owners of the bar. Oh, jeez.

Wait, is that Bear Grandmaster? Those are the pops? Those are the moms? Is it moms and shops? Are they the shops? Are they the shops or the pops? I just, I don't- We're the moms.

I'm catching like every fifth word. This is understandable, you just lost your business and you're upset, we understand that. Okay, we just need a bit of vegan food. Oh yeah need a bit of vegan food we're famished. I know a guy named vegan what do you do you want to eat my friend vegan? No we want to eat. Do you have burger buns? Do you have food? Do you have bread? Yes there's food. Come with me to the bar. A table of buns please. Here come with me. He walks you up to the bartender, this kind of like vacant looking man,

who's just kind of repeatedly cleaning a glass over and over again. He says, oh, hey there, it's Mark. Oh, and oh, oh, look at that, Koga. Dolphin, you're back. It's so good to see you. What's up, dude? It's so good to see you. Is it okay? My Bluetooth is underage, I think, at least. I don't know.

It's skin care. Regimen is so intense. I think Gen Z is like 29 or 25. I don't know if he's allowed to be in the fire or not. I think it's a wide range, actually. I don't know what the cutoff is. But I mean, for me, Dolphin, you'll let it slide, right? Are you threatening me?

No? No? Okay, it's just, most people try to take advantage of me in here. Um, yeah, your cat can stay or whatever. I look at Bluetooth and wonder if he's a cat. Look, we're just, we just want some kind of elaborate salad. Okay. Yeah.

So I've got bread, uh, and I've got roast chicken, and then we've also got something new I've been working on. Have you heard of cheese before? We can't. We can't. What about? Is experimental cheese doesn't sound like it's going to be? I don't want the first draft on cheese.

Oh, yeah, yeah. This is the crazy thing about the cheese is I make it from nuts. Oh, nuts. We can do nuts. Yeah, yeah, is I make it from nuts. Oh Let's get around a nut cheese for the table We'll take shots of nut cheese. Do you have nut milk to wash the nut cheese down with? Yeah, sometimes the cheese doesn't quite firm up and I just call that nut milk. Okay. Yeah, we'll have some nut milk some nut milk Okay, and I'll have six wines Okay, um, and I'll have six wines. Uh, make it 12.

All right, so the all-night pass. Yeah. And it's all-inclusive. It's all-inclusive, so we're good. That'll be, let me see here. That's gonna be eight gold? Put it on Corker's tab. Yeah, we'll put it on. You know me. You know me.

Gargi and Dolphin. You know I'm good for it. You know I'm good for it. No, my friends, you see Ismark speaks up. You have much to share with me. I will take this. I will pay for this here, please. He puts the gold on the table.

You see, Aric goes into the back for a second, makes just a little too much noise, brings back like a bottle of wine and a plate with some flatbread and some nut cheese and then also a pitcher of nut milk they look eerily similar this is so good I can't believe it took me so long to become vegan this is delicious this is I could eat nut cheese all day yeah I don't know if it's just cuz I'm hungry or cuz I really

love your nuts but this is amazing thank you yeah I just fell on some nuts and then I thought, wow, those nuts are smaller now. I wonder if I kept making them even smaller, what will happen? That's great. That is the kind of entrepreneurial spirit that we are looking for. You know what, I showed it to the owners over there,

to Alinka Mirabelle in Serbia, and they weren't really feeling it. So if you could like loudly proclaim how much you love the nut cheese and the nut milk, I think that would go a long way. Onyx fakes a full orgasm. Jen sits there so awkwardly, just the clanging of cutlery as she owes.

I put a sleep mask on Bluetooth that he can't see and then I fake a full orgasm. When Onyx finishes a minute and a half later, Nyack just says, I'll have what she's having. And I guess I am. You see the three women at the owner's table kinda go, okay, yeah, we like that, yes, okay. Maybe Onyx was onto something.

I curtsy. Yeah. Well, this is the one good thing about this damn resort. Maybe we'll keep it around after we destroy it. You keep saying words like resort and burger and mom-and-shop pop. Right. What is the meaning of this? We've almost forgotten about the mom-and-shop pop.

Is this from outside the mist? We get adventurers every once in a while, but they all meet a tragic end, unfortunately. Wow. Yeah. Seems like the managers aren't really talking to each other around here. The resort town's completely cut off from the resort. Yes, that is a way of putting it. Because a resort is all about repeat customers. You have to have your loyal base. And it sounds like if you're losing guests, that you're hemorrhaging cash.

I'm sorry, when you say resort manager, are you talking about my father or perhaps someone above him? No, your father is the burger master Can I look at his P&L statement? We're talking about Strahd is the manager We're trying to get we want to kill Strahd and we want to make things right with the burger master When you say we want to kill Strahd he kind of looks around

Anxiously and says we should not speak here. His spies could be watching. Oh, right. The manager as spies? There's much you do not know about the Devil's Strad. Please, why don't you accompany me? To a private room? Yes, I was going to say- With the bottle?

Bottle services, which you're suggesting? A balcony? Yeah, there's a roof. We'll take the balcony. Okay, we'll take the balcony. Bottle services, which you're suggesting? A balcony? There's a roof. We'll take the balcony. Okay, we'll take the balcony. Al Fresco. Yeah, hot tub. We really should have led with that.

A hot tub would be great. I was going to suggest perhaps to go to my mansion, but if you want to climb onto the roof. Oh, Al Fresco at your mansion. We'll go to the mansion. Okay, yes, Mike. And we should be able to eat there without any upcharge because we are all inclusive.

We're all in the all inclusive. On Quarkers time. It's all part of the resort town. You're saying so many words that I do not understand. Let's go to your mansion. Okay, that's, yeah, that I get. Okay, great. So, is Smartk lead you out of the tavern? I guess you just take everything to go. Yeah, I think that we can just put it on, um,. Yeah. Like put like the little wooden block on his head. Hahaha, great. Yeah, he just kind of like bounces along balancing it perfectly. And you walk out the door.

So as you make your way down towards the mansion, which is down a lane to the north, past the town square, you see further down the lane from the tavern an old church set against a big cliff of stone. And then to your right a large shop labeled Bildrath's mercantile and a smaller one next to it with an oddly clean sign reading Madame Ava's fortunes and mortian. And as you walk, I'm gonna roll something real quick. As you walk, you see something. You see that you have been traveling for so long that the sun is starting to rise. As you trundle along the city's harsh cobblestones towards the mansion, the sun comes up red and angry.

And as this bloodied orb crowns the sky, layers of fog are stripped away like shavings of wood, revealing for the first time a massive stone pillar rising from the edge of the village. High atop the pillar, you can just make out a majestic castle. Its sharp spires clawing at the sky like a wolf in a cage. Your virtue gaze from the castle, but can't shake the feeling that somehow it's watching. It's just right this way. You can see it down there.

It's the large house behind the fence. Since the sun is coming up, we should really be having continental breakfast. Yeah. It was all inclusive. I perhaps have some fruit or some oats that I could give you. Great. Yeah, and a muffin and some bagels, of course.

Yeah, we'll have a muffin and some bagels. Okay, these are strange words to me, but I will do what I can. Yeah. Ismark leads you down the road to a weary looking mansion squatting behind a rusting iron fence. The gates are twisted and torn. The right gate lies cast aside

while the left swings lazily in the wind. The stuttering squeal and clang of the gates repeats with mindless precision. Weeds choke the grounds and press with menace upon the house itself. Yet, against the walls, the growth has been tamped down to create a path all about the domain.

Heavy claw markings have stripped the once beautiful finish of the walls. Great black marks tell of fires that have assailed the mansion. Not a pane nor a shard of glass stands in any window. All of the windows are barred with planks, each one marked with stains of evil omen. As you approach, why don't you give me a perception check?

This is your house? 13. 12. 14. All right, you survey the mansion's exterior and you notice that amongst these weeds that have been trampled down, there's a lot of freshly trampled ones,

as well as several sets of footprints, both human and canine in nature. Yes, I'm sorry about the appearance. There have been several attacks, unfortunately. These past few nights, well, Strahd and his minions have repeatedly harassed us. Just for writing bad Yelp reviews? Well, there was much yelping from inside yes yes you have to bury them um please follow me is mark goes up to the door and knocks slowly and says Marina it's me I've returned and I've brought help wait Marina from the Yelp review Pull out the paper and double-check you were supposed to tack that to the gates

Why have you not done this? We made a copy at the gate Yeah, we made a copy. We have two. There's two. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my god. Don't jump down our throat Relax. We're guests. Yeah. We're guests. Give me a deception check Nat one. No, why? No, no. 19. Shout out to the two crew with my- Why are the people rolling?

With my minus one to charisma becomes a nat one. Why? It becomes a one. I think we gotta average that one down to a fail. Okay, so the two people that were in disguise. God damn it. Nat one. What happens is you see Marina about to open the door.

Ismark slams it shut, pulls out a knife and points it at the two of you and says, who are you? Who are you really? What are you doing here? Bluetooth attack. You see this imp looks up from his iPad, spits out his pacifier and obeys you to the fullest extent of your pack. And he launches forward to attack.

And that is where we'll end our section. Looks like we're going to be cutting out the burger master a little sooner than we thought. Ah! Making friends so quickly. Everything we say is just wrong and stupid. I just feel like Onyx would never get a weapon drawn on her and be at full health and not just go for it. Yeah. Amazing, I'm really excited to talk more about this one

on the short rest. Yeah, I can't wait to hear all about the town and the people in the tavern that we ignored. Yeah. Already painting the town milky white with nut milk and nut cheese. If you would like to listen to the short rest where we talk about this episode,

you can do so at patreon.com slash nadpod. That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D. We are! Don't sing it! We are! Sorry, Nate. I forbid it, I forbid it! Shut your mouths.

We've got some things to plug. We got some Dimension 20 shows coming up July 20th in Seattle at Climate Pledge Arena. That'll be a fun one. And then we've got a show in Vegas in November. So be on the lookout for that. Search Dimension 20 live. Awesome!

Gorgeous. Check out my sub stack, sub stack.com be on the lookout for that. Search Dimension 20 Live. Awesome. Gorgeous. Check out my sub stack, sub stack.com slash at Jake Hurwitz. Really good life advice. Really good life advice. Most recent one was about like a bike ride, like a best bike ride to take in New York City. Whoa. Practical.

Yeah. Actionable. Yeah. Dang, that's great. I'll try walking it. And with that, we'll go ahead and wrap this one up. Thank you all so much for listening You can follow us on social media that we may or may not use at see first me at called this called wall at a extra Demi Lee and actually gorgeous Jake and you talk about the show online using hashtag nad pod that's any DD pod And we are the youth of the nation I'm going to be back. Hey, would you look at that.

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