Not Another D&D Podcast - Trinyvale X Strahd - Ep. 16: The Wizard of Wines

Episode Date: November 21, 2025

The Triplets receive a crash course in wine-making as the vineyard comes to life and attacks! Nyack gets punch-drunk, Onyx does some gardening and Jens gets to the root of the matter as the Trinyvale X Strahd crossover continues!RADIO CITY MUSIC HALL TICKETS ARE AVAILABLE NOW! CREDITSEditing by Brian MurphyProduction and Sound Design by Daniel Ramos (@Schubirds on IG)Logo Design by Chelsea LeCompteMUSIC INCLUDES:"Trinyvale Opening Theme" by Emily Axford“TechGnomek” by Emily Axford“Barovian Tango by Emily Axford“The Little Moon” by Emily Axford“The Night Lotus" by Emily Axford“The Shard” by Emily Axford“The Gate” by Emily Axford“A Memorable Feast" by Emily Axford“A Hunkle’s Plea" by Emily Axford"The Tarroka Suite" by Emily Axford"Trinyvale Closing Theme" by Emily AxfordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, everybody. It's the two crew, and we've got a big announcement on April 10th, 2026. NADPOD is coming to Radio City Music Hall in New York City. Oh, Radio Pretty! That's right, Nadpod presents, where are my boys tonight live at Radio City? It was supposed to be a faycella full of good tunes, cold crickwater, and spirited sidebars. Instead, the Bonfrares have been kidnapped. What? Dude, the night's fucks. Dude. Dude.

No. Can the band of boobs and maveris team up to save them? We'll find out live. Our pre-sale starts Wednesday, November 19th at 10 a.m. Eastern Time. Search Ticketmaster or go to nadpod.com slash live for tickets. The pre-sale code is Pawpaw. That's P-A-W. P-A-W. Tickets are open to the general public on Friday. So scoop them now while you can. We'll see you there. This is a head guy.

podcast. Welcome to Trinnavale and also. Barabia. Fuck yeah. I'm getting so much energy, so much energy from your voices. I'm energized. I'm energized to the gills. I'm ready for the chills and thrills. That's dude. That's right, folks. I'm energized and I am your Dracula uncle, aka droncle, Caldwell Tanner, and I'm joined, as always, by my plumaged players, Brian Murphy. Fighting trees and charging parking fees, Jen's Lindell. Oh, we've also got Emily Axford. I'll have what is having a W-frame cabin. It's honest, Lumier.

So sacred, so hallowed. And of course, Jake Hurwitz. Land Connector and Porcelain Figuring Collector, Nyack of the Rand of Court. So many angel butts. So many angels. Guys, I'm so sad that we've left our beautiful, sacred W-frame behind, but we must plow forward and we must plow right into some blights. But before we do that, how about a quick recap?

Do it. All righty. Please. Having set fire to the Abbey of Markovia, you three made your escape in your new ally, Esmeralda's Magic Wagon. Joined by Fitbit, the Were Ravens and Donk Squad, you thundered down the road towards the winery. On the way, Asmerelda showed off her wagon's traveling tavern mode,

allowing you all to get a long rest. While you relaxed, Marina suggested you head for Luna Lake, a small body of water outside the winery. It's not big enough for motorboating, but it is the perfect size for Markovia to consecrate. And so with the new course plotted, you started brainstorming hashtag lake life signs to adorn your new waterfront cabin.

While you worked, Asmeralda told you about her relationship up with Liamund, who you suspected was killed by Stroud, and you became even more united in your goals. Next, you sent ahead the Ware Ravens Dag and Steff to alert Davian, the winery's owner, that you'd be arriving soon. You then chatted more with the ghost of Markovia, who told you of Alana's time at the Abbey. It seems she was nearing a breakthrough with her anti-vampire cure, and that after fleeing the Abbot's clutches, she and Marina headed to the very winery you're about to visit. Finally, you fell asleep and were greeted by a shared dream. In your vision, you saw Strad's brother Sergei on the Davis wedding to Tatiana. After being killed and drained by Strad, you saw

Baba Lassaga and her witches attack the other wedding guests. As this happened, Sergei implored you to grow stronger, keep fighting, and not give in to despair. You awoke and found you had arrived at the lake, where you proceeded to dump the wagon septic tank into the water, Dave Matthews style. Got to. You got to. You got it to. Slander continues. Two episodes of slander? Is it slander if it happened?

It's just the truth. Crashing to me is about the poop going in. Yeah, it's about shit crashing into fresh water. Markovia then instructed you on how to perform the hallow spell ritual. As Marina and Esmeralda focused on the spell, you three envisioned a spiritual fortress, which took the form of a W-frame McMansion with turrets. Inside was a mid-century modern open-concept house,

littered with bashful angel figurines and wine signs. And, of course, outside you conjured a Hooters parking lot. You dubbed it Hooters, aka Tudors and promised to, Hooters 2, the sequel to Hooters, and promised that one day a spudfuckers would stand on this holy land as well. Markovia then suggested that Marina stay here to train, and Jin's agreed with concerning haste. It's fine. The Dong Squad decided to stay behind as well. And so, with all of your NPCs safely stashed away, you headed to the winery, where you witnessed for the first time the huge menacing tree known as Gorthias.

I actually think we made, like, a really clever pun by accident, because a W-frame cabin looks a little bit like Tudor architecture. Yeah, totally. You guys are so smart. It's a Tudor Hooters. We're pretty smart. Did any of you do that on purpose? I'll say I did it. But you did Merck.

Definitely. yeah right yeah yeah it's improv is a dance yeah i also did improv is a dance and i'm leading you are ahead of that pod yeah oh yeah and i'm the one who's late uh-huh yes okay surprise you're caught up i i bow down to you guys you're masters of the craft and two door is oh sometimes there are cars with two doors and there's a parking lot in front yeah yeah also a two-door sedan shit it works on so many levels all some smart so that's the end of the recap because i needed to recap the joke as well But now that that's out of the way, thank you, Emily. Now that we all did it on purpose, moving on.

I'm just glad to catch the rest of the audience that is, unfortunately, in the dregs with me, up to Jake and her speed. And again, two-door style house would be. It's cool because, yeah, you're acting as the layperson, aka the audience. I know, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who has taken a full two weeks to catch up to us, which honestly tracks. It makes sense. I'm not surprised by that. Uh-huh.

And if you were described two-door style to a lay person, yes it would be yeah and it would well a two door is it's a type of it's a house that has a front door and a back there you go okay it's obviously not a side door and hey just wait wait i meant tudor like tudor yeah and so did i it's two it's two door two door yep and that's kind of like to do or not to door call i might be pronouncing it wrong i got one more sometimes when you eat a lot of hooters you get farty so you're a tutor as well roll initiative okay as you stared at it you heard the crackling of twigs and suddenly you were met by an ar army of shambling plant creatures covered in thorny claws and vines.

And that is where we are now. You hear a course of splintering limbs as these vine-like creatures emerge through the mists. Their small bodies are humanoid in shape, but made of vines that criss-crossed their frames like muscles and tendons. On their heads, bunches of pungent grapes grow like hair and beards. The fruit jiggles wildly as they unsheath thorny claws and prepare to strike. Jen's looks away These trees are jacked

It's one o'clock somewhere Oh my god They're so funny Everybody roll initiative They're witty and shredded I'm threatened 12 Okay

15 16 I can't roll shit for ass That's so crass Murf Do you know we have Do you know we have tweens that listen to the show We have tweens

We have so many tweens that listen to the show Adoring tweens or tutors. Who will find that hilarious? So as we start here, let me give you a quick lay of the land. Please. Folks, you are on this long dirt trail set between two fields of grapevines. There are currently three swarms of these wine blights approaching from their hiding spots.

About 120 feet north of you, you see this large, two-story ivory-covered winery. There's a loading dock to one side of the winery, and on top of that dock, you see a flock of Weirraven workers huddled in fear. These wine blights jiggle their grapey hair and begin to attack. But first up is going to be Esmeralda. Ooh. These guys are freaky. They're funny, but they're freaky, right?

Yeah, shoot them. Yeah. Okay, actually, I'm going to try something out. I'm going to shoot them with something extra nasty. I'm going to curse their ass. How about that? Yeah. Fuck you guys.

Let's curse them out. Yeah, Jens, you've been in a cursing mood. Yeah. Fuck off, you shit, grape. Oh, that's crass. I love it. Yeah. Nyack plugs his ears.

Hey, how about this? Wine? No clock, right? Okay, here we go. Now I'm feeling it. So she is going to target one creature she can see, and they're going to need to make a DC-14 wisdom-saving throw or be cursed. While cursed, the target has vulnerability to one type of damage of Esmeralda's choice.

Fuck. They just got it. Okay. They just rolled a 14. Thank you so much, Esmeralda. I think there might be a spot at the, um, trading grounds. Maybe you could train with Marina.

Where all of our quote, friends can go. Oh, you could protect the porcelain figures. Yes. The little angels with the house. I'm so worried about people stealing the angels. Okay, shut the fuck up. I have two attacks.

I should have just done that. I thought it'd be cool. I was trying to impress you. Jesus Christ. Okay, so Esmeralda rethinks her whole life. Looks a little embarrassed. Esmeralda, just advice. Nothing impresses us more than people who don't want to be friends.

was awesome. Yeah. There's a monkey that I've never met. Maybe I have. Yeah, you have. But I'm obsessed with him. Yeah.

See, and he didn't register. And that's why he's awesome. Okay. So, yeah, so like, would you neg you guys a little bit? That sounds pretty good.

Yeah. All right. You guys are perfect friends of my ass. How's that sound? It's too late. Stop. Jens looks horribly offended

and just looks down. The time for kidding is over. These wine blights are going. to attack. They're going to go for Nyak, Jens, and Onyx. Nyok fully turns to Esmeral, the slumps his shoulders, looking away from the big mound, and it's just like, what do you mean by that? Friends of your ass?

As you get stabbed in the back of the head. That's gonna be one hit on Nyack, one hit on Jins, and Onyx does A-15 hit you? It does not. So no hits on Onyx. Sorry. As Jens looks down offended, a vine goes into his brain stem. WTF, wine time, fine,

I'm finally. Wait, what? Okay, that's going to be eight points of damage to Jins. Ow. And then 13 points of damage to Nyat. Ow, I'm not drinking right now. Yes, he is. I still like to party.

I join the wine monster. This guy's never partied in his life. Nyak, that is going to bring us to you. Okay, I'm going to spin around and Zephyr Strike to get advantage on my first attack shooting at this big mound of bramble. Great. That's a 21 to hit. That hits.

All right. I get an extra D-8 there. And I'm also going to get my bonus attack for Dread Ambusher. That's a 22. Sick. That hits as well. And now that we're leveled up, I get another attack. Wow.

Congratulations. Nyack, I say, with furious eyes. Oh, I forgot you don't get it to a level six. Wow. Dude, to attack club. That's awesome, man. I also get to attacks. Yeah, Azmarl.

What are you in the note? No attack club. Yeah. Perfect friend of my ass, aren't you, Asmorel, does. Jen's laughs when Nyack says it. Does a 17 hit? 17 does hit.

That is 56 damage. Jesus. Nyack, you absolutely decimate this shambling mound of vines. They just clump harmlessly to the ground. The grapes are yours to collect, if you wish, sir. Thanks.

I'm actually, I'm good. I'm good. But I am here to have fun. I'm just not going to have any of the grapes. But thank you guys. You're not even eating fruit at this point? I'd hate it to ferment. I'd hate bread to ferment.

Eat a grape. I try to peer pressure him and eating a grape. Dude, you've heard of bosom buddies? This is an ass companion. I love this guy. Okay, Esmeralda. Cool it. Sorry.

The wine fumes are really strong. You've made your point, all right? It's not funny anymore. It's just mean. Is he crying? We're all crying. Um, okay, next up to cry is Onyx. Okay.

Uh, as a bonus action, I will cast Spirit Trout. So I will do extra damage. Uh, okay, so there are two left. There's two left. Okay, I'm going to attack twice because I also have two attacks now thanks to an whatever. I can fight with my offhand. I have an offhand.

Pretty soon I'm going to have technically three because my offhand. More like ass hand. That's really crass. That's important. Yeah, that was crass. 12 and then 18 to hit. 18 hits. 19 damage.

Hell yeah, this shroud descends, blocking out the mist and replacing it with your own special brand of mist. What does the shroud look like? The spirit shroud? I think that it looks like everyone, instead of the spirits of the dead, it looks like everyone I have impersonated. Oh.

And it's really porker heiress for it. So kind of like I am surrounded by friendly poker heiress. Just a glidescope of Verovians and dead pigs. And critters fromovians. In this shroud, you descend upon this wine blight horde and just bludging the hell out of them with your mall. Hell yeah. Okay, awesome. They look a little roughed up, but they are still skittering around.

Their thorny claws are still exposed. That is going to bring us two gins. I attack the same one. Nice. Yeah. Eleven on one, 17 on the other. One hits. Okay, great.

I'll do a defensive flourish. Technically two attacks. 20 damage. Woo! Jins. Finish off this second wine blight. I do a backflip. I jump into it.

I swing really hard with my forehand and destroy it in one hit. And then I swing around and do a really terrible attack with my off hand. And I go, see, two attacks. Mayak with righteous tears of fury in his eyes turns to Esmeralda. That's the man you called an ass hand. Piece of shit My hand makes a farting sound As I drop my sword

I hope you witnessed that Who are you calling ass hand Is this too much I'm like trying to figure out the balance As McHerta I also missed one of my attacks Why are you going after Jeff? I don't know he seems like he's the alpha

I feel like I need to take him down the peg He is the alpha Is it working? I'm scared Okay So that is Jen's turn You see next up keychain Is going to birth three potions

As if he's giving birth the puppies. Aw, puppy surprise. Oh, graphic. We better get six and not three. Wait, you can get as few as two in those things. Potion, surprise. If I get two puppies, I'm going to freak out.

Mine has an umbilical cord. Does someone want to chew this off? No. Unless they're six, then I'll choose six umbilical cords. The potions don't work unless you chew off the umbilicals. This never happened before. Uh, okay, so that's going to be two. Two boldness potions and one alter self potion.

Whoa. I will hold on to these unless someone wants them right now. I ignore Keychain. Okay. Keychain is going to use his action to help Esmeralda, who's next in the order. And could use it. Okay, geez. I really liked your ass jokes.

You were so confident. Teach me. You really liked her ass? What? And then you called her jokes? You really are a dog. You really liked her ass, comma, jokes? What the fuck is your problem?

Do you see how they treat me? That kind of behavior is not going to fly at Tudors. Sorry. Yeah, Tudors is respectful. We don't talk to people like that at Tudors. We don't. We don't. If you work for Tudors, you will be respected.

He puts a paw on his brald and says, see what they do. You have to get ahead before it's too late. They are vicious. What are you whispering to her? I mime snapping like a like a turtle at Kier. Think of better jokes, quick. Okay, so that brings us back to Esmeralda. She's going to take two attacks.

That is going to be two hits for Asmerelda thanks to Keychain. Way to go, Esmeralda. You only needed a lot of help from the robot. You would be a really good candidate for AI if you like help from robots. I see them more as a friend and also maybe potentially a romance partner. Yes, that is what people do with AI. You're using it correct. Good dog.

She pats keychain and then slashes down on these wine blights for 21 damage. And that is another wine blight horde defeated. Nice. Two attacks, baby. Two but cheeks, right? You see what I'm doing here? Stop. You had it.

I know. All right. So you've made quick work of two of these wine blight hordes. There's only one left, but that is the wine blight's turn. Nike, you managed to take one of these hordes out super quick. So I think the blights are. going to go for you next. I barely did anything, Blight. Esmeralda just killed you. I haven't done anything for a few seconds. Yes, that's so true. Go after Esmeralda. Don't talk to me until I had

my wine. And by wine, I mean you. You should be a writer. Did AI come up with that? You have to tell us. You have to tell us if you're AI. Don't talk to me until I've had my wine. I really like that. We are all connected in a way. We are a network of thinkers of fighters, perhaps also writers. Oh, my God, it right. So they're going to do an intoxicating punch on you. No. This is going to be... No! We aren't drinking!

Nyack! No, I say, reach out and don't try to help. Open wide. I'm good. You see, all of these grapes bloom on one of their thorny hands, and they're going to try and punch that into your mouth. Go ahead and make a DC-11 saving throw for me.

Constitution. Okay. Constitution, which I have a negative one, too, I think. Oh, God. That's a net one. Oh, shit. Nyack, stay strong. Nyek, you are now drunk, which is the same as the poisoned condition,

so you have disadvantage on attacks and ability checks for the next minute. But you're more interesting. Nyack just sways and... That's the wine blight's turn. Nyack, that is you, if you can stay on your feet. Okay.

Okay, I'll have one. I'll have one. Nowyak puts his arm around Esmeralda really sloppily. You're all right. You're all right. Sorry, we're giving you such a hard time. Your nose is so red. I fall forward shooting my boat at the same time,

so I'll take this with this advantage. Being heinously drunk with a bow and arrow is so scary. Worse than a sword, I think. It sounds like a bachelor party, though, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, axe throwing in. Yeah. Yeah, Nyack slips in the mud, fires an arrow, straight in the air, but that is a 19. 19 still hits.

14 damage, but I'll use the acid on this bow. Nice. Which I can do three times. So 17. 17 damage. This windblight is shedding limbs. Grapes are exploding like blood, but it is still standing, and that is going to bring us to Onyx. Okay.

Demartex. That's a net one. That is a 17? Okay, more to like ass attacks, but seriously, good job. 17 will hit. Okay. You're funny, Esmeralda. I'm sorry, I have to pretend that you're not funny, but you're funny.

I like you, Asmarold. You have to pretend? 21 damage. 21 damage. Onyx. Damn. Finish this last wine blight horde. I think I see my companion Nyak.

As soon as he gets too drunk, Jen's turns on him. I look at Onyx and I go, it's honestly humiliating the way he's acting. I'm sorry I was saying I didn't want to get drunk. This is fun. We have been such a good time. I'm just such a follower that it's hard for me to do something on my own. He keeps talking about how much fun we're having, but it's not that fun. You know what I mean?

I love you guys. I really love all of you guys. Now I'm starting to feel like if I got to his level, I would feel how he feels. So I'm going to finish it by eating it and try to get drunk. I want to feel what you feel I only had one Guys if I let go of him He's going to drop

Yeah I know They don't know how to hold their shit Let me go Onex give me a DC 11 Constitution save 11 on the die Yeah You're holding it together

You're just having a good time Okay I don't know why I wasn't doing this It's like so fun It just rocks right There's no downside Onix does a split She does a split and then puts her hands on the ground and then does like a handstand split Well, Nyag, no disrespect, but what's wrong with you?

Nyak drops to do a split but just faceplants onto a rock Oh my God, he also tore his groin I get No, you'll never play basketball again He did a split but I could tell he's not that flexible He just forced it Jesus I dropped so hard I cracked my pelvis This man's groin needs instant attention

Yeah. As you decimate these wine blights, just twigs and branches and berries lay scattered around you. It is a bloodbath of grapes. But as they stop moving, as the last branches stop twitching, you see a few of the ravens from the loading dock flap over to your location. Their beaks click and clack with gratitude. Chin's rules, kinder, you saved us. Oh, please, please, come with us. Dag and Steph warned us you were coming. We have prepared the place for you to stay.

Please, you must come meet Master Davian. Okay, great. Does he need help? I cracked my face in my pelvis, but I feel fine. Yeah, he's good. He needs to kind of walk it off, I think. I'm great. I'm great, I should say.

We have a stretcher, but no, he should probably walk it off. That's better. Yeah, he should probably walk it off. Okay, yeah, let's get him to walk it off. Or we could dance it off. Oh, shit. It's a searing pain through my whole body whenever I move my head. But I think I could dance this off.

All right, now we're having fun. Okay. I crack a few graves. Hey, that's what. And I start moonwalking towards the house. This is good. You guys have got the wizard in you. Yeah, this is fun now.

That's what we call it here when you're getting a little drunk and having fun is you got that wizard in you. Yeah. So, yeah. Hey, maquarena. I think we do a conga line, but a macarena in conga line. Yeah. Maka-traina. Maka-traina.

Maka-traina. We invented this. That's how we get around everywhere now. You really understand why humans and alcohol go evolved. Oh, yeah. When you invent something like Zamacatrain. Damn. I could never.

Keychain, you're AI. Okay, you can do anything. Thank you. You can't spell anything without AI. Keychain plows through a bunch of wine. Like Pac-Man and then feels charged up. Yeah. You drink alcohol.

You drink everything. You drink air. You drink land. You drink. Salty. resources i must assume there you go i never thought said like we are the fish of the air yeah because we are sipping air all the time holy shit oh my god we are the fish of the air jens walks ahead i just say to the wear raven just take us to the nicest room even if someone else lives

there onyx is in the mood to rough house she's gonna tackle jenz let's stand straight up as he was tackled and his kneecaps just go backwards. You land on the same rock, Nyack did. Dog pile. Dog pile. Nyack jumps on top of you guys. Dog pile! For fuck's sake! You dislocated both

on my knees. They're both gone. I love you guys. I never say it. What's it dog pile? You guys should never fucking drink again. I love you guys too. Jen, do you love us? No. Will you say it out loud? I need to be inside. I need to be inside

the god damn house. Secretly, I want to hear it more than anything. See you guys. Maka Trina, your way up the trail to the winery. Maka Trana and Ruff House. Stop. Just keep swatting onix away if she tries to dive me. What's wrong with horseplay?

Stop. It means it with a horseplay. It's the sloppiest maca trainer I've ever seen. So you finally, after a long, bumbling walk, make your way up to the winery. nestled amidst the ivy on the winery's front entrance is a faded sign that reads the wizard of wines it features a picture of an intoxicated wizard surrounded by floating wine glasses that's great you like that yes do you have anything like this in the gift shop oh so many things yes okay can we have a gift card do you want you just want the gift card we just helped we just helped

yeah you got a $300 gift card yeah you had you had bites in your front yard and we got the rate of them can we have three gift cards you know that is only fair is it really that hard to come up with a gift card for people that just saved the the vineyard i dislocated my kneecaps on your property i broke my face i broke my face on your fieldstone you overserved my friends and i demand a three hundred dollar gift card so i could spend it on signs of drunk wizards because honestly this wizard is really cute and funny i think the only thing that's going to heal my shattered pelvis is a pair of sweatpants Is that say drunk on Zabat? Okay. Kareza, go get them some stuff from the gift shop. What do you all want? You said you want to the shirt? I want a gift card.

I want to choose for myself. I don't want stuff. You want to choose for myself. Yeah, we don't want stuff. It should feel like a shopping spree. Okay, yes. It's as good as cash. Yes, Kareza has all the gift cards.

She will get them for you. Okay. You can meet her in the wine gift shop later. Great. First of all, I think that Davian will probably want to meet with you. He is the owner of the winery. He's in another meeting right now, but he should be wrapping up so okay we'll get set up in his in his room yeah and then um we could talk to him when

he gets back and can you interrupt that meeting because it's kind of a power play that i don't feel good about if he's meeting with somebody again someone's knees were dislocated on his front door you know what we actually we're gonna take we're gonna take a meeting yeah we're gonna take a meeting okay and when he's done with his meeting you say that we're in a meeting and we'll see him well maybe you can visit the gift shop while he finishes up and i'll knock on the door does that sound good that's actually a great idea okay uh kareza can you take them to the gift shop A meeting in the gift shop. We're not waiting.

We're meeting in the gift shop. Okay, yes. Come with me. Come with me. So Kareza leads you into the house. As you enter, you pass this loading dock to your right. And as you go inside, you see that there is this barn-like structure on your left. Inside the winery, however, you see a huge kitchen and a doorway leading towards the winery workshop

where you smell the waft of fermenting grapes. On the other side, you see stairs leading up and down and a studded iron door with an ornate M mounted on it. At the back of the room, you see French doors opening to a large patio overlooking a garden of sunflowers. Oh, that's where the tastings happen. That is right. That's where the tasting happens. But right here, she points to your immediate left,

is this little nook next to the kitchen, which has been transformed into a gift shop. Okay, I want maybe like a sexy shirt that says I got blitzed with the whiz. And like a picture of a really drunk wizard. It's crazy. We have that exact shirt. Have you been here before?

No, but I am psychic. Wow. I'm a Sagittarius. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. You're a little bit psychic. Wow, you're like Madame Eva. That's incredible.

Yeah. She comes here on vacation sometimes. Cool. Yeah. Cool. Can I have my shirt? Sorry, they told us to be chatty. They said that that was like part of the experience.

I liked it a bit. Okay, a bit? How would you rate me? Oh, no. Do I have to choose a smile or frown? If you don't mind. She holds up like a little sign. I can't even, when I'm trying to play the worst person in the world, I can't even not press the smile.

I press the smile. Thank you. Do you have any games for Sega Genesis? We have one of those little golf peg games, you know, that's a triangle shape. Yeah, okay. I know what, yeah, I'll take a golf peg game. Okay, could I like burn your favorite Sega Genesis character onto it? Yeah.

Okay, who is your favorite character? Jen's thanks for a really long time. The purple bean from Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine. Very well, it shall be so. Creatza pulls out a wood-burning lance Heats it up in a fire And then etches this purple bean Winking at you on it

What is it great but a purple bean I say As I swirl a glass of wine And look out over the sunflowers Oh my goodness You have to teach me how to do banter It's so good Thank you

Yeah that's AI level I yeah I'll also take 13 signs A variety or is the one in particular You're looking for I definitely want a copy Of the drunk wizard from the front but also just like a smattering. Could I also get a bath mat made of wine corks used ones?

Oh, that's awesome. That's really comfortable for your feet. Yes, of course. We have this crazy that you know all the things we have. Every gift shop has like necklaces and jewelry that's too expensive to be here. I want one of, I want like a necklace, a gemstone necklace and earrings. Yes, we make them out of the lumps of glass. Actually, a Casimir, our glass blower.

he makes these in his workshop. They are crystalline and beautiful. So I think they would look great on you on your bare chest there. Yeah, that sounds great. Okay. Thank you. Thank you. Can I have the most expensive one?

Yeah, don't you have a collector's one? Yes. If you can look here over in this glass cabinet that we have our very exclusive items, these are normally a reserve for VIP members. But yes, you did help us with the wine blights. Can you open the glass cabinet and we can try everything on? I broke my pelvis on your property. I feel you're really coming up against the budget for hospitality that I had in my mind.

My cheap one is shattered. No pressure, but I would like to get to our room. Now that Nyack's picking his stuff, I'm not having as much fun. So just like... It's so cool to be hanging out, all three of us. The clock is ticking. She goes to unlock this glass cabinet full of extremely expensive-looking jewelry. But as she does, you hear a voice from the back of the room, say,

Kareza, what are you doing? And she kind of stiffens a little bit. She went rogue. Gritza, I'll take a hat. I'll take a hat. Just give me something. You're going to get me in so much trouble. Oh, my God.

Just give me a fucking hat. Okay, if you shut the fuck up and give you a hat. I'm not saying anything. Sorry. I'm not even talking. Sorry, Davian. I was just getting him a hat. He just wanted to look at the jewelry, not buy it, of course.

He wants to buy it later. Very good, very good. You hear this man talking. And you turn to look who it is, and you see this ancient wear raven with a little beard of gray feathers perched on the tip of his beak and two arching gray feathered eyebrows. He walks with a cane next to what can only be described as perhaps the most normal man in Borovia. There's just this man with kind of like blonde hair, slick back wearing like a tailcoat and a like silk satin cravat. they walk together, you see the man kind of smiles and winks at you

and Davian, this old Wair Raven, says, that's quite enough with the gifts. I think you have all you need. If there is more you want, I would be happy to bestow it upon you after our business is concluded. First of all, let me bid farewell

to my guest here. Mr. Holtz, it has been a pleasure. Likewise, Davian, baby. Thanks so much for having me. As this man turns to leave, he kind of looks that you all shakes your hands and says Doltz, please to meet you. Sorry to tie up Davey in there. We were just discussing some business. You seem awesome.

Where are you? What kind of business are you in? Because we want in, honestly. Oh, I'm in the best business in town, baby. I'm in real estate. Oh, wow. Okay. Hey, let me tell you. Are we residential, commercial, land value? What do we? Yeah, what are we doing? You name it, friends. We actually just built it property. Yeah. Is that so?

We're about becoming slumlords. Yeah. I would actually love to get a desest. Yeah, maybe you could assess our sanctuary. Oh, you got a new little sanctuary? Where is it at? It's the new W cabin. Yeah, if you notice, like, in the past day, a giant W cabin and a huge Tudor's parking lot has just emerged in the middle of this small lake. Yeah.

Oh, small lake. You're talking about Luna Lake? Yeah. Pretty small. Pretty small. More of a pond, really. Thank you. That's what I said.

I do most of my business over at Zarevich Lake. I don't know if you've heard of it. Oh, yeah. Is that the big one? Is that the one that does? That's the one that got tubing. It's got a new thing I'm working on. I've just introduced it.

It's called a jetter ski. It's like a tiny little steamboat. You can zip around on the water, and it is extremely dangerous, but very fun. Oh, I thought you was going to be jet skis the size of water skis. So you have a jet ski on each foot. You, my dear, have a mind for business. That is an incredible idea. I would love to talk to you more about that.

That's great. Can we get your card? Of course, friends. Here. He pulls three cards out of his pocket. They say Dolter von Holch, Zarevich Lake real estate. Wow, look at the stock on this back. They are embossed with this kind of like golden ink.

And on the back, there is a little map of Zaravich Lake with all of his real estate holdings. Double printed. Yeah, so, I mean, times have been tough because there's not as many nobles anymore and Borovia. Everything's been kind of concentrated because of you know who. But I still try to make sure that there's plenty of luxury lakeside real estate for all who wanted. And that's just something I've been talking about with Mr. Davy and Mardikoff over here. But I've taken up more than enough of your time. I'm actually, I'm going to be staying over by Fog's End, over by the Megalith, if you guys

want to talk more. So just let me know. Right on, yeah. All right. We'll swing by there for sure. Yeah, we'll be there later. It's so nice to just meet a nice person. It's really nice to meet you three.

You know what? I heard that big kerfuffle out there. You're neat, man. You're freaking neat. Did you guys? Did you guys take care of those wine blights? Yeah. They are a chore.

You never tell you. But thank you so much for handling that. Hey, you know what? You come on by, I'll give you a free Jeter ski ride. Okay. Why not? I feel like we're on vacation again. All right.

Hey, you guys, hey, stay golden. Hey, stay golden. I'm going to start saying that. Stay diamond. Whoa. Okay. Let me get one of those hats, too. Like, this guy's got on.

He points at you, NIAC. This guy, that is style right there. Hey, take mine. Take mine. I don't care. You're a good guy. You're a good guy. Yeah, here, just take, I give them

five gold. Take some cash. Do you, do you on my shirt? It says I got Blitz with the Whiz. I would love one, but I've already got three. Wow. One for the lake, one for the bedroom, and one for jogging. Dude, just take our money. Whatever you're doing with

yours, do it with ours. Yeah, we're in. You want to invest right now? Yeah. Okay, awesome. Actually, we're going to circle back. Oh. Yeah, we're going to throw some stuff against the wall and see what sticks.

But we'll circle up and we'll regroup later. Uh-huh. I look at Nyack furiously, knowing that he ruined it. We want to approach this deal with our best ass forward. You see, Esmeralda smiles a little too big. Oh, my God. We don't know her. She followed us in. I was so scared.

I think she lives outside here. I'm really scared of her. She's not a partner. Well, colorful cast of characters. here. Anyway, you've got my card. I'll be over and fogs in for a bit. I've got a little pietater there that I stay in when I'm visiting the Mardikovs. It's been a real pleasure, folks. Tata for now. Tata. And hey, hey, don't get too drunk, am I right? That's right. Tata. He kind of like jauntily strolls off. While he's already turned around, onyx says a really desperate for attention split. So much need in her eyes. Oh my God, are you okay? It didn't work. I was so

slow. I heard at least three separate pops. That one was so slow. Okay, so it seems like you guys are good here because that dude just seemed on top of the ball. Like you'll just sell this and it's just somebody else's problem, huh? He had a very interesting offer from me, but I have not committed to anything yet. But please, we do not need to discuss business now. You have helped us so much already. Dag and Steph told me how you met with my son Irwin. And now you have cleared the way these wine blights, I think that we are going to be fast friends. Can I, can I offer you something? Perhaps you would like to have a tasting flight on the veranda overlooking Alana's garden, or maybe you want to try our grape stomping vats. We've also got an award-winning

glass blowing facility and my son, Adrian, would love to give you a history lesson in the cellar as well. Just the first one. Just the first one. Just the first one. Yeah, we're good. We don't want to meet Adrian at all. I think these, I would blow, I would do some glass blow. Yeah, I would blow glass. We don't want to do that one. Let's just do the first one. Yes, I do, Jens.

I really want to. You don't. You can do decorations for the condo, okay? Because we've tried glass blowing before and you guys don't have the patience for it, do you? Yeah? You're just not going to be good at an instant. Maybe it'll be faster this time. It's not going to be faster this time, okay?

The glass gets really hot. You guys said it was hot in there. Yeah, it got too hot. It's got too hot. We got the groupon. Maybe it'll be colder this time. We got the groupon and we did the glass blowing. And everyone said it's too hot here.

It might be fast and cold this time is what I'm saying. We said we're never going to do glass blowing again. It took too long. But this time is different. But the grubon cost money, right? Yeah, but the problem was we used a group on. And this time we're using a relationship to get in. Okay.

The group on was expired too. We had to run. Yeah, we could have done the night canoeing. Okay. And it would have been a cool night instead. It was hot in the glass blowing, right? Okay. It's too wet.

All right? I'm going to let you ask me one more time if we want to do glass blowing. Do we want to do glass blowing? If they promise they can do it cold and fast, can we do glass blowing? Can we do glass blowing but make it cold and fast? We could perhaps get some of the weird ravens to fan you off with their feathers while you do it. Is that good? That sounds good to me.

That sounds cold. All right. Hey, you know what? I'll let you guys learn your own lessons. Let's do the glass bowling again. Harsh but fair. You clearly are a leader of men, I understand. Yeah, it's tough out there.

It's tough out there for us. We had a Groupon, you know. Ah, yes, we tried Groupon here. It did not work. It was just attracted too many people that were just getting really drunk right up top, and then they were just like spilling hot molten glass on themselves. Sure, yeah. You hear that?

Molten sounds pretty hot. Yeah, but this time it'll be cold. Yeah, I'm glad this time it's going to be cold. Hey, everybody, it's Emily here to talk to you about Squarespace. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business, Squarespace helps you showcase your offerings, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place.

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with details about the ritual and the tree, but until then, please, enjoy all the winery has to offer. Would you like to start with the tasting flight and then we'll move to the glass blowing? Yeah, let's do the dangerous glass blowing after we get drunk. Great, that's so smart. I'll have one more. Again, we should have learned our lesson

with the group on, but we haven't, and you know what? I feel like that's what makes this vineyard magical. Okay, so Davian leads you through these wide French doors and onto a flagstone veranda covered in long wooden tables.

Beyond the table, you see a large field of sunflowers, which poke defiantly through the mist. Davian gestures to the sunflowers as you find your seats. Pretty, aren't they? They were planted by a woman named Alana who stayed with us for a time.

Yeah, she was an alchemist, right? Of sorts, yes, a scholar, I would say. Oh, yeah. Did she leave, okay, when she stayed here, did she leave anything behind? We think she might have some herbs and spices. We're sort of in the restaurant business. Yeah.

What was her, like, old room? Oh, she stayed upstairs in one of the sleeping quarters. I saw her. She spent most of her time in the garden. actually. She was working on something and the sunflower sprung up rather quickly, so I was not able to hear it. Did she have a plant shed? Did she have a potting shed anywhere? A potting shed. Yes, you know, she had a potting shed, but the strange thing is the flowers grew out from the potting shed. She kind of had it in the center, and then the flowers kind of grew around it, and it came

to kind of a maze to even get in there after a time. So the potting shed is probably still in there, but good luck finding it. Okay, let's go. Okay. Do you, do you want to do the wine flight first, so you want to go to go. We'll take it to go. We'll take it to go. To go, it's more of like a seat and thing. It's called a flight. Yeah, it's called a flight. We'll just carry it. That's a crow pun. It's a crow pon. We serve it with like little feathers next to each of them.

Okay, well, don't call it a flight and say you have to have it here. Okay, we have a little paddle in the shape. Because if JetBlue did that they would go out of business. We'll take it to fly, please. Okay, yes, they're going to take it to go. He claps his feathery hands and you see a bunch of Were Ravens wander out delicately holding these wine paddles

with three wine glasses on them. And they say, it would really be best if you sat down to these, but no, you want to take them to go? I hastily take the paddle and hop over the fence and start walking into the sunflowers.

I'll take the glass blowing to go as well. I'll come with you so I can describe each of the wines. Okay. Okay, first, just as you are walking into these sunflowers, holding these paddles full of wine. He says, we're going to start with our most common vintage. Ow! A sunflower hits him in the face.

Purple grape mash three. Ow, ow. This one is full-bodied with earthy notes of soil, grape, and wood. Where is it? It's just all from here. Yes, it's all for me. We grow all of the grapes here thanks to the blessing of the original wizard of Kazan. Long ago, Kazan blessed this land with the help of the druids.

And that is why the land remains so lush and fertile to this day. Huh. Did any of the druids... Okay, so somebody's messing with your tree up here. That's why you got all these wine blades and everything and whatnot. Do you know if any of the original druids are who became these boy moms that are terrorizing this area? Yeah, I think that's what happened, right? The witches, yes, you've heard about this.

They have been plaguing our land for a long time. Are they the original druids? No, the druids split off from Kazan. There was an uprising, and the druid Gothias rose against Kazan and killed him. Okay. And is Gothias a tree now? Yes, you see, it is a sad day. They were ravens.

We helped to work this land in exchange for use of the soil, and we helped fight off this uprising of druids, but many were killed. Eventually, Gothias was caught and executed, and his bones were placed on top of Yester Hill. Oh, you got to be careful with the bones. Yes, that's what we thought. We put it far away from the winery. But in doing that, the hill has become cursed, and the tree has grown there. And we thought the threat was done for a while.

But then these witches, they rallied the druids once more. And they've been praying to this tree and making it grow bigger and bigger. So much so that it is blighting the land all around. What did the druid and the wizard fight about? I'm sorry, I have like three cicadas in my shirt now, because we're standing in these sunflowers. One second. Get out, get out, get out. Sorry, say that again.

What did the druid and the wizard fight about? The druid and the wizard, well, the druid was aligned with Strad. He was working for Strad and wanted to overthrow the wizard so that he could control the vineyard on Strad's behalf. Got you. Are there plants around here that help you to limit the growth of this tree or to protect your plants? It is the soil itself.

It was blessed long ago by Kazan, but this blight, it weakens the blessing. every day. Only these sunflowers seem to remain unperturbed. Okay, so Annex is going to she has an arched face spell called Plant Grows, which I

thought I would never use, but here we are. So I'm going to cast overgrowth on the sunflowers. You cast this spell tapping into your patron deity. Ariana, I'm thinking of becoming a plant pitch.

I saw that online. They look so happy. Plant bitches, they've connected with something old, something ancient. The plants, they're all connected to each other, much as we strive to connect everyone else as phones. I've always thought that plants and phones have so much in common. They really are the phones of nature. Yeah, what are phones but like tech mushrooms.

Let's dial this in. Let's get you rooted. You're establishing a landline, babe. I love it. You cast this plant growth spell, and you see these sunflowers, like, erupt higher and higher. You feel this sort of connection to this land. You see this ghastly form of Ariana, like, walking through the soil,

and above you see a giant crow circling as well. And the sunflowers rise high. and higher. And as they do, there's this sort of like rippling of the soil and they kind of erupt and bloom further and further out. And you kind of get this whiff of fresh flowers and fresh grapes as the entire land around the vineyard is kind of refreshed. And as this dust around you clears, you see that a path is laid out for you into the center of this grove. Whoa. Okay. Let's do it. I drank all my wine. See, Onyx, this is what happens when you drink.

You feel so creative. Okay, but would you like to actually, you haven't actually sampled the first wine yet? Well, yes, I'm a bit of a song myself. I sniff it, I swirl it around, I take a sip, sucking it in between my teeth, and then I smack my lips, and Jens goes, red. It's a red one.

Yeah. Very good sir. I'm getting, I'm, Nyak sniffs, I'm getting wine. I'm getting alcohol. alcoholic, like a whiny, wine tape. Now that you say that, I smell that. I'm getting the color red. Okay.

I'm getting old grape. Yeah, I see that. I see that. Yes. I'm getting hints of glass bottle. Uh-huh. Yeah. I chip my tooth on the wine.

Okay. So I'm getting a hint of enamel. Oh. I'm getting some blood in my mouth because I bit the cup. Oh. You are savants, all of you. Everybody give me a constitution saving throw here. Okay, 18. 18. 17. 17. Nyak, would you get?

I got a five. Nyak, maybe it's just you. Maybe it is all the blood in your mouth, but you do sense that something is off with this wine. And you spit it out. Oh, I'm so sorry. Would you like a spitting cup? I apologize. Here, I have a bucket for you. Yeah, yeah. I liked it. I liked it a lot. That was Nyack motions to Jen's and Onick. Okay. Funky? Like cut it, yeah, make the cut on his, on his neck. I don't know.

I don't know about this wine. Perhaps you like the next one better. He's a Red Dragon Crush. It's an exclusive vintage, spicier, smoky aftertaste. He presents the second wine to you as you walk. Okay. And now that Nyaka said this, I'll take a teeny sip of the Red Dragon Crush, knowing that I've had it before. Oh, you had it before?

Yeah, I had it before because his son gave it to us, right? Okay. take a teeny sip and I would like to see if I can tell if it's the same or if he has done something to fuck with it. Okay. That's going to be a, that's going to be another con save. Can I give a help action to Jens just to investigate that? Are you doing an investigation or are you doing your con save? I would like to do like a perception check. Oh, sure. Okay, cool. That's a 19. 19. With a 19, you taste it and it tastes more like ash than wine. And you realize, Davian is not trying to poison you.

The wine has been poisoned. Whoa. It is going bad. It's this blight. Hey, buddy. Yes. This is, this wine's no good. It's corked.

Yeah, it's absolutely corked. It's corked, and I know what that means. It tastes like ash and it tastes like ass. It tastes like ass. It's so good. You see, a friend of my ass. Ezralda does the splits. Yeah, this wine is a friend of my ass.

Damn it. you see that Davian has been trying to hold it together this whole time and he just kind of crumples looking crestfallen he slashes the wine paddles out of your hands and says damn it I knew it that tree it's tainted all the wine it's all rotten only the grapes we have stored those are the only ones that are left that are good if we cannot stop this tree

keep it from growing then the winery is finished. Well, you'll always have the glass blowing. Yeah. That is true. What the, what a beautiful silver lightning. But the glass blowing is hot, isn't it? It's hot in there. It's still going to get hot, okay? No, you said it was going to be golden bath.

I lied. I lied about it. I told you. The blacksmith in class was hot, too. Remember? All of the stuff, it gets hot. It gets hot in there. The feathers, we can do what we can to try and fan you off,

but it's still going to just fan the flames and make it hotter. That's how it works. I'm sorry. Look, I'll wait till we try it, and I'll wander away if I'm not interested. Thank you. You know, I'm sorry, I lost my temper. This has been a stressful time for the winery. Maybe it is best that we take daughter's offer. I think that the winery might be finished.

Wait, so I'm pretty familiar with this type of thing. You buy a business in crisis, you do a re-org, you get a new valuation. Is that the offer? Yes, he wants to turn it into some sort of, uh, In and spa, I think, you know, moving away from the winery direction to something slightly different. Just an extension of what he's been doing with his Zorovich Lake properties. He promised us that he would offer us a house in that area that my family could move to. I don't want to sell.

It's just I have children and grandchildren, and I worry about them, especially with this blight approaching. Wait, can I pull aside Nyack and Onyx? Yeah, I think so, yeah. Hey, guys, I know we thought that guy that was, like, buying up a bunch of real estate was awesome. But, like, this place sucks, so he's kind of an idiot, right? Yeah, I was, like, if anything, the Ware Ravens are ripping him off. He's making a bad investment. He's making an absolutely terrible investment.

We have to save him. Do we have to save him, or do we have to save these Were Ravens? It's such a flawed concept. Do you have an Indian spa when he says there is no aristocracy? Yeah. Ooh, it's going to be his clients. And also, this is just, it screams of wellness when really we should all just be drunk, right? I think he can't carry that loss, but we can because we don't even actually live here.

So why don't we, why don't we do the deal instead of him? We take all the risk. And he'll love us for that. Yeah. I don't even want his respect, though, because he's trying to buy a place with assy wine. I do think that he's like all presentation. Like, his presentation was fantastic. It's so good.

It's so good. You just get such a good read on. I did the way he spoke, all the words he used. Trust him. Yes. But I think that this was a bad business adventure. Yeah, his business moves are off. Are they off?

Are they off? I think so much. Or is he himself trying to devalue? Is he involved with the tree? Oh, is he intentionally? Is he intentionally trying to create a bad business that will fall? He's either dumber than we think or smarter than we think. Either way.

Either way, I don't like. Both are dangerous. I don't like it. I like him to just be the right about smart. We have to meet him and find out if he's stupid or too smart. Maybe we should just kill him. If he's driving the value down, buying low, then selling high, then he gets rid of the tree. He could be a tree in disguise.

He might be a tree. He could be a tree. I think keychain's got the right of it. Okay. Okay, listen. Look, we talked and we think that you are getting a bum deal because the person who offered it to you is a tree. He's in, they're in karout. We think the tree and that all.

some guy are in Karout's. Yeah. It cannot be. Adrian warned me that this might be the case, but you think it to be true as well? Adrian teaches the glass blowing. Adrian is in the cellar. He is the historian. No, Adrian, we're not going to talk to.

We're not going to talk to you. Okay, down there I'll be cold in the cellar. That's interesting. You guys like it. It will also be temperate. But it won't be cold. Okay. It will be fast.

That's true. It will take longer to blow the glass because we will have to heat up the cellar and that will mess with the wine temperature. The corks will start to expand. you know well then what can be done uh if we do not take this deal i fear that the land will be sapped and then we will have to move regardless okay actually i'm going to take uh niac and jens to the side again okay okay hi one minute okay yeah so actually i just proved that i'm like an incredible gardener should we just buy this place and i can yeah we're not super liquid right now we can be the tree

We're not super liquid. The money tree, okay, yes. Excuse me. Excuse me. Sorry. This was a private conversation. I just, my beak was right there. This is just the friends of your ass.

ABCD-E conversation. F yourself over there. That's so good. Can I get that a t-shirt? Yes, absolutely. Okay, but look, it doesn't cost me anything to cast a spell every once in a while. I just come back here. I cast a quick spell.

We have wine. Yeah. Okay. Look, we don't, we know that these boy moms. are in Karuts with Straud. We know that this guy is a tree and he's working with this bad tree. Okay, okay. We say

to this person, we want to be silent partners if we kill the tree. Yeah, what are we even thinking, right? Because we are going to open a spot fuckers, connected to our tutors. And if there's a wellness place here, people aren't going to want to load up on big potatoes.

Vers, if they're drunk on wine, they'll definitely want big potatoes. It's about the community. It's the synergy. It's like when there's a pizza hut and a wing street right next to each other. That's exactly what it's like Keychain. Keychain, I just feel like you just get smarter and smarter

the more ozone you eat. Yeah, I don't know if we've said this today, but you're on. Thank you so much. Ang, gong, gong, gong, gong. Just like, just devouring sunflower after sunflower. Here, have a cicada. I really think that we should say

we will get rid of your tree for part ownership. Well, part ownership. Yeah. Minority ownership or a controlling interest. Passive ownership. We just want to be on the board. On the board, yeah. Let's do three board seats. Yeah.

And a minority state. So we have a majority. Okay. Right. We actually, we have a proposition. Oh, yes. Okay. So we can take care of your tree problem.

Both of them. I wink. I see. We just, see, we're opening a restaurant. It's in the middle of the lake across the short highway over the pond. And we think it's bad. beautiful parking lot right by the beautiful parking lot it's sort of better synergistically for us to have a winery here than it is to have a wellness spa because those people are not going to eat

big potatoes let's face it right they're going to get drunk and they're going to want to dash something from the big potato restaurant the deal is you guys do not serve food you never serve food you never serve food okay oh no no no they do it catered by us big potatoes okay okay okay could really work okay yeah yeah that does actually sound good and uh we just want a couple board seats Just a couple board seats, so make sure that you never start serving foods that isn't ours. Yeah, we can just kill it in the room. This is amazing. You see, we have lost many Weer Ravens recently because we mounted an attack against the druids and the witches.

But Babla Saga and her creeping hut, they came upon the were ravens and swatted them from the sky and decimated our number. So we don't even have a cooking staff anymore. Does the hut have chicken feet? It has chicken feet made of wood, yes. Okay. It's kind of like a living three. Whoa. I think we're going to need all of the board seats.

Really a lot of them. Okay, I have a big family, so they occupy a lot of the board seats. But I can promise you your least favorite one, cut them off. Yeah, just for our resume, I just need to have a really impressive title that implies that I know everything about wine. And I know how to taste when a wine is corked, and I would never not know if a wine was corked or not and just drink it anyways. If a wine was corked, we would be mad. Yeah. When we had a restaurant, they'd give it to us, we'd be like, I know this is cork.

That is the first thing they teach you is whether there's a cork in the bottle or not. Okay, great. If it pours out, then there's no cork, so there you go. Okay. So where, do you know where any of these witches dwell? Because if we could just murder them at their houses, it might be a lot easier. I think so, again, very soon the spies will return. There will be a bell that will sound, and we will have a meeting on the balcony on top of the house.

Oh, that sounds nice. Yes. usually it's reserved for VIPs, you know, big jewelry buyers. We're on the... We are on the board. You are on the board now. Promise board seats.

I would kick out. You know, Alinka, Mirabelle, Sorvia, they're very nice, but it is time that they left the nest. Yeah, they're not here anymore. Let's face it. And Erwin, you know, my nightmother bless him.

I think it is time for him to, you know, branch out as well. Yeah. But... Also, can any of them do it that just did with plant growth? No, you truly, you have some of the workings of Kazan and you.

I feel like I, since the nightmother in you as well, did you say the name Ariana? Yeah, Ariana is as a CEO. She's sort of like my mentor in being like a CEO. She is the mother of the Weir Ravens as well. Did you know this? It doesn't come up, but we both just talk about ourselves mostly. Business kids in the way, it is true. Yeah.

No, you see, the Great Crow Corvac, she and the Nightmother laid together and the Weir Ravens were the offspring of that union. That's really hot. She fucked a bird? She fucked a bird, is true. And we, as a result, were born. And we have cared for this land ever since. That's so cool.

I think I actually realized what I want my title to be, CEO. Shee. Can I be CEO? Oh, of the company? Of the company. Because you said we could all get titles. Well, I'm currently CE Crow. So we could have a CE Crow and a CEO.

I think that would be good. You know what? Yes. Shake on it. Okay. So you shake on it. Emily actually shook my hand with one. You shake on it amidst this grove of growing sunflowers,

still kind of blossoming out. And as you do, the final veil of sunflowers unfurls from the center, and you finally see this shed. All right. That's it. Let's go check it out. Yes. Honey, I shrunk the kid's style.

Look at his forest. How? How? They got, they shrunk, and then they were in the grass, and then all the grass looked big. Yeah. Have you guys never been to Disney's Hollywood Studios in the 90s? I shove Nyack. I know they rode an aunt in the film. There you go.

You know. You know, Nyack remembers. I remember. I'm just trashed. Jenge runs ahead. Rick Moranhas, he's awesome, man. There you go. Spaceballs.

What's that? What? Um, so yes, you walk, uh, into the, the center of this sunflower grove. At the back of this grove, you do see, uh, this shed, uh, and mounted on the shed is a silver sunflower pendant. It actually looks very similar to the dawn flower pendant, uh, you now have Nyack. Um, and at the center of this garden, you see a bunch of sphere like purple flowers. The flowers are kind of like swaying gently in the breeze. Uh, they're small. and unassuming, but you do notice

that the purple on them is the exact same color purple as on the pendant you hold in your hand now, Nyack. Oh, let's go over and give them a sniff. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Can I push, I'm going to take the pendant and press against

the flower. You do that. I'll say that you all bend down and you press the spinning against the flower. A couple of the flower petals fall off. I release the The pendant kind of rattles in response to these flowers And as you all bend down to inspect them And watch this, you get a strong width of garlic

Oh, duh, purple flowers! This is garlic! Oh, okay. Is it ripe for plucking? Yeah, can we overgrow this shit? I want to grab one out and see if the garlic bulb is ready. You pull one out and a string of four, Silver garlic bowls emerge from the soil. Silver.

Okay. I'm also going to harvest some sunflowers, too. Okay, great. Yeah, awesome. We should definitely, okay, we should take this little garlic patch that we have, and if you can do the overgrowth again, or if you can't do it now, you can do it again tomorrow, and we should expand this garlic.

Yes, that's good. Let's also seize this pendant, this sunflower pendant. I have the one hanging out in the shed. So you inspect this door and realize it has no doorknob or keyhole. However, as soon as you get close, the donflower pendant in your hand starts to vibrate. You sense that this pendant bears the blessing of the Olmest order, and that by wielding it, you are permitted to pass this threshold. You place it to the corresponding silver flower, and the purple gem starts to glow. Within the door, you hear a grinding of internal gears followed by a loud

as the door unlocks and swings open. Yeah, poke my head in. Great. Yeah, let's step inside. So you look inside this shed and inside you find various gardening implements as well as dust-covered vials, pipettes, and beakers. Alana must have used for her various experiments. But most striking is the jars of garlic that line the shed's far wall.

Mmm. The bulbs all have a dull metallic sheen to them and are labeled Puralium ore, parentheses, unrefined. Unrefined garlic. All right. These are the herbs and spices. Let's start jamming these jars in our bags, I guess.

Yeah, my Trader Joe's bag that had bones in it previously. You bust out your bone tote and you start just shoveling jars into it. As you do, you see that they all have notes about their harvest date and their potency on them. All of them seem to be within a range of five years. You hear the jar is kind of click and clack as you put them into your bag. And once you're done, you look down beneath these shelves and you see a small desk, upon which rests a silver tube bearing the same sunflower sigil of the almost order that was on the door.

We inspect the damn tube. All right. Should we pop this tube? You grab this tube and you are about to pop it open when suddenly you hear a loud ringing bell followed by the piercing caw of several ravens. Davian pokes his beak in the room and says, Despise, they've returned.

Quickly, follow me, follow me. Oh, I saw he said, despise, the spice. The spice, the spice, the spice, I hold up the tube. No, what is that? Let's save it for later. It's the spice. Put it in the toes. It's got to go. Okay, but it in the toad.

Okay, come on. The tube in the toad. The spice. The spies. You all rush upstairs past the sleeping quarters and onto a narrow staircase leading to a rooftop balcony. Atop the balcony, you see several were ravens

have all gathered to welcome back the spies. You look to the sky and see just a single raven flapping unevenly towards the roof. Oh, no. It nearly drops a few times before successfully plummeting into a sudden soft net held by the other ravens. As it falls, the bird transforms back into its hybrid form,

revealing a huge gray-feathered wear raven. Blood pours from wounds in his side and wing. As he struggles, Davian rushes forward to help him up. Elvier, brother, are you okay? Where are the others? Killed by La Saga's cabin. And don't worry, Davy, my wounds are worth the non. knowledge we've gained. The old raven spits blood, then grins.

The witches are on the move. They've left the tree and are headed for the megalith at fog's end. Oh, the megalith, I whisper to just them. The other tree, the tree guy. I whispered us to them, the megalith is actually something that I promised to restore for Ariana. Okay, so that's on our to do list, not to burn you out. What purpose do they have at the megalith? We have watched it for a long time.

Every year they must go and reseal it. They grow dark vines upon the megalith and keep it from restoring its splendor in some way. We suspect that they are returning to seal it once more. Okay, so we have to go disruptor their ritual so that we can restore the megalith to be for Ariana. And if that guy's rich, kill him and take all his stuff.

Right. The wear ravens all chitter excitedly. Davian kisses his brother on the beak, then walks over to a barrel with a map laid out on it. He stabs a knife over the map. This is the chance we've been waiting for. That knife is available in the gift shop, by the way. I should get it for free.

I look bashfully at my 13 signs. The Ware Ravens all call proudly. Caca, caca! Caca, cacca. This is our moment. Caw, cacca. We shall take our winery back. We shall make a last stand.

He turns to all of you as the Wair Ravens caw happily. His eyes wild with excitement and he says, How do you feel about going on a little witch hunt? After a short rest, yeah. And that's where we'll end our session. Oh, man. We got our board seats, and that's what's important. Yeah.

All that matters is our voting power. Just like having a partnership where they're selling our big potatoes to drunk people. I mean, Spudfuckers is going to happen. That's our flywheel. Wow. Classic Trinnavale to go on a winery vacation but end up just buying the wine instead. That was amazing, y'all. I'm so excited for you guys to face off against these witches.

We'll talk more about it. There was so much stuff, there's so much stuff left to do with the winery as well. So maybe we'll get into that. On the short rest, which you can listen to at patreon.com slash NADBOD. That's NADD-D-P-O-D. We don't sing yet. Close those beaks, you freaks. It's time for plugs, actually.

So go ahead. Let's have some. Sure. Follow me on substack. Substack.com slash at Jake Hurwitz. And I will go ahead and plug the NADPOD fan calendar again. I've been watching them unveil some of the art for it and it looks really, really cool. Awesome.

You can go to, Link Tree slash NAD calendar to find out more information or you can head right to their Etsy. All of the proceeds are going to go to the UNICEF-Gaza appeal, so please support that. Thank you so much. I'm really excited to pick one up and use it to plot my future because I'm very bad at that. Yeah. And you can follow us on social media that we are not use. At Cesarst Me, at Caldwa, at Ashford, Emily, and at Jake Geroot, and you can talk about

the show online using hashtag NatPod, that's NADD-D-POD. We are, we are, the youth of the nation. We are we are, the youth of a nation. We're going to be able to be. Wow, folks, it's the end of our show once more, which means it's time to shout out our benevolent council of elders. Stand and let your names be read. Brad D. Jeffrey S. Lord of the Fjord. Later, McS. Matt M. Cutter W. Jeff C. C. Daniel, the dastardly dame. Carpe Liam. Victor T. A.k.a. Bailor's boy. Hoyd's

friend. Justin I. Danny Denster. T.J. M. Trayley. The Cray. Drohy. Now you have to say it. Jordan L. Cyborg version of Josh the Cobold. Beeproop. Targat. Stevie Wags. Hellish rebuquer the NBD.M. Ph.D.H. Jory S. Jack L. Nicholas C. star of every film ever made in Bohumia. Mike H. Alka Smelzer Plus. Great Value Gemma. Tyler F. C.C. Lulu. Bald, Bern. Hercule Poirot de Labath Folk Detective.

Timmy R. Jake's jerk jelly hashtag CCC. Cass, skateboard, Cass. Stephen C., still looking for that drunk Asimar, who swore a blood oath to him once. Good luck with that, Stephen. Nick W. Nico, the underpaid English teacher.

William W. Big Bad Beardo the Mad, Anonarama, Percival, Frederick Stein von Musil Klosowski de Rolo the 3rd. Jay Dragonborn, Guardian of the Vibe, honoring the cock. Impressive Dongle, wow. Bin A, Dave H. Not that, Nick. Danny F., Hawkeye Pierce. Big Bad John. D.P.C. is awesome. Chown, the shade-dry mechanic of Zobaldar. Summer Rose, aka Grand Terre. Mark, the Dark Lord's Taint.

Cat C. Misa of House Inzunza. Ariel, the occasional mermaid. Selina N. aka Volaci Raptor. B. Perky, always. Be, be perky, always. Pat L. Lauren H. Serve, 16. Annie, the Faywild therapist. Parogi Frenzy, BioQuert 7, Bean Rat was innocent. Rob, hop, dropper.

Jack H, King of the Mole People under Iron Deep, dressed in blue and fighting his way through a bracket-style tournament. Valen. Paj, the bitch and bunny bard. Druidic Payton. Carlin C. Omri Morin. Noah, the Gentleman Fister.

Hashtag honor the cock. James G. Everything, bago. The Eladron who just wants. wants to hang out with his pet, Badger Stripey. Reverend Chatterbones. Han. Eric B.

Marcos, Ph.D., eventually. Learns the balanced druid. Frieda M. Maggie. Holly the Green. Laughing hyena. Bud heavy. Grimwaller, executive chef of Bohumia. Russell H.

A monk named Dilgo? Yes, the whole thing. Yes. every time lest we forget. Cody C. Lorelei the succubi and Kira the succulent snack. Cow go truckin.

Your friendly neighborhood, Yant and Uncle, Andrew and Sid. Don't skip over Thanksgiving. John Adams loves it. James F. Wayfarer now has to do something with the trolls. To get rid of them, turn to page 42. To keep them, turn to page 69.

Oreo. Barpo Good Barbarian Charlie Brown's best friend Renee the monster captain Olivia the enchanting bard and Jared the soap opera cleric who are playing the wedding march for onyx Blue Ash Fico

Garrett the artificer Jay Gagard Fancy Matt The fairies have returned to debauchery and must now go to the carnal corner There's a little heart there too That's lovely Cantrip Dumbledore, the bear onesie wearing barbarian, Lexi H, MJ the BFG, Roger L, Nodrog, the Pass, a fist, Barbarian.

Brian L and Eric B are running a 50k? That seems like too many Ks, good luck. Jean-Lucca, Leon Komori, legendary hero of Bohumia from a future campaign, shenanigans O'Connor, Mios the Great, Joshua S, Alexander. Lins W. Sky the Wise, aka the lone dungeon master. The spud fucker himself, Johnny Dudeke. The mischief of not parts

familiars. Pavu Eskinor, the Goliath Paladin providing service with a smile. Jake Well, Murphily, Tim M. Dragon Knight 86. Strangle, the main event.

T.R. M.L.G. Cheeto. Shell B. Kinna's first favorite sprite girl. Thank you for the D20 Live tour. Now on to seeing my first Nodod live at Radio Critty. Ha ha. See you there.

Jet S. Snailess, the Eldrich Snail. Death to Tyrants. Stormy 52. Mimaw Skate As. Megan N. Anthony B. Ballinor's best friend, Steve. Stephanie of

House and Zunza. Benjamin A. Gimley the Corgi. Pawpaw and Foster's Canaan friend McHale A Triple S-tier Crickwater Enjoyer, that is how we do it folks Crick-Maxing, we love to hear it, drink it up

all night long Josh Hull, pilot of the Nightmareverse Flight, the two crew blew through Ethan the overworked mailman Maple the shy bookworm Nick A.J. Ashesaurus

Seth the Stroker bearer of all hog-related burdens. Thank you for your service. Billy Batson, Tori, the Tunks and Draguse, accidental shareer of recipes. Michael L.S. the second. Miao, Miao Kitten. Carl B., plumber of the realm.

Ace Dregs, High Lord of Critsburg. Venn diagram. Cudmilius, the consumed. Cam, the vampire frogman, Blah. Dean, Jake W. Hi, Mom. Tuesday Cross, only here for the surf and mirth. We love you, rat, Jesus. Nadpot fan and Bar Mitzford Man, it's Dave O.

Steve L. Tyler M., G.A. Dog. Zibba-Bakery. Kaylee. Katarina C. Misty, the Krispy Kitty, really hates flame skulls. Greg W. There's so many of us now. But hey, you're doing great, and we love you. Baruch, Thunder. Helm, Fifth Generation Minotaur, working as an abandoned labyrinth tour guide. Chupacabri, Boney is dead.

The Waterworth, your four-legged Greg companion. Nick, Amy, Aegis Kunari, Ignition Class Petal Storm. Not a DJ, but we'll still take the gig, DJ Dramamine. Chef Julie B, support your local food pantry. Ma'am, Happy Hogletays to one and all. Jin's rules kinda Caitlin H buttwax

Thomas C Dark Lotus Creations Kendra Miller Joshua H Jacob M Louis H A.J. Dinko

Bin V and Shinka Kitsune or Skyler The only male Kitsune in Bohemia Woo That is all of our elders folks Thank you so so much for your generous support

It is through your generosity that we can truly sore. If you would like to join this illustrious council, you can do so by go into patreon.com slash Nadpod. That's going to be it for us today, but we will catch you here next week with another episode. Thanks

for listening, and goodbye. That was a HeadGum podcast. What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris. And Hannah Simone. And we host The Mess Around, a new girl rewatch podcast now on HeadGum. Now here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode

of New Girl. And we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind the scenes team. We react to re-watching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dog. That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet.

I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodriguez. We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes we even talk to other co-stars like Zoe Day Chanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayne's Jr. And your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well. Make sure you subscribe to the mess around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.