Not Another D&D Podcast - Trinyvale X Strahd - Ep. 17: Battle of the BoyMoms

Episode Date: December 12, 2025

To stop a strange ritual, the Triplets travel to the western edge of Barovia and come face-to-face with the Mother of All Evil! Nyack gets a new hat, Jens ruins a card game and Onyx wages maternal combat as the Trinyvale X Strahd Crossover continues! RADIO CITY MUSIC HALL TICKETS ARE ALMOST SOLD OUT! GET YOURS NOW! CREDITSEditing by Brian MurphyProduction and Sound Design by Daniel Ramos (@Schubirds on IG)Logo Design by Chelsea LeCompteMUSIC INCLUDES:"Trinyvale Opening Theme" by Emily Axford“Barovian Tango by Emily Axford"Where is the Manager?" by Emily Axford"The Tarroka Suite" by Emily Axford“A Memorable Feast" by Emily Axford“The Gate” by Emily Axford"Lights Out" by Emily Axford“The Night Lotus" by Emily Axford"Selfless" by Emily Axford"Oh Melora" by Emily Axford“The Shard” by Emily Axford"Trinyvale Closing Theme" by Emily AxfordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Support the show by mentioning us at checkout terms and conditions. Obviously apply. This is a headgum podcast. Welcome to Trinneville. And also Barovia. Barovia. Very nice. Downright Wicked.

In theaters now. What? Why? This is brought to you by the second Wicked movie. The second half of the Wicked movie, everybody. I mean, I enjoyed the first one, but there's no sponsorship. They need it. Hey, they need the help.

They're hurting. They're hurting. You know, the biggest movie in the fucking world needs our help, frankly. You know, they need a little promotion from us. For good. Dragon Pussy Podcast needs to push this movie. Oh, can we maybe update all the Trinityville's

to say strad colon for good? Yeah. Ooh, I like that. That's the second half of the finale episode. Oh, that's good. Strad for good. Strad redemption art. Yeah.

Strad does become your Vegeta eventually. Yeah, wow. There's a secret history. there. Could you imagine? Can you imagine? You know what I can imagine? Playing some D&D with my friends.

Because I am your Dracula uncle, aka Drunkle, Caldwell Tanner, and I'm joined, as always, by my palliative players, Brian Murphy. I don't know what that word means. It means it goes down. Okay. Goes down all right.

About to be on a tree killing spree, Jens Lindell. Nice. That guy's a tree. Another one going down smooth. It's Emily Axford. Can't get enough. the Angels with Bats.

It's on its Lumier. Still thinking about them. I know. Maybe I brought one in my pocket. Ooh. And finally, the angel in my pocket. And by that I mean Zoom window. It's Jay Kerwitz.

Drunk off the vine, but not feeling that fine. Because whose tailbone is shattered? Mine. It's Nyack of the Ranafloor. Okay. You got me with that. Try it out. Yeah, the shattered out of nowhere.

I dropped it low. I was really hoping for like a platter or a madder. But no, you went with the mines. That was good. Good mix-up. It was A-A-B-A. A-A-B-A, there you go. And that's what my brain was saying.

For the poetry head. My brain was going, as I was trying to figure it out. And you know what else I want to figure out? What the hell happened on the last episode? How about a quick recap? Let's do it. Okay.

Would you like that? It would be so helpful for me. Okay, I think I can manage it. I can muster it. When last we met, you three had just arrived at the Wizard of Wines' Winery, only to be attacked by vicious grape-covered wine blights. You made quick work of this brambly scourge, but not before Nyack was inebriated by one of their intoxicating punches. And so, with the help of the Ware Raven employees, you

drunkenly machined to the winery, where you made a B-line for the gift shop. After loading up on merch, you were met by the winery owner, Davian Martikov, who had previously been in a meeting with Dolter von Holtz, a real estate mogul from Zaravich Lake. And a tree. A.k.a. A. Confirmed tree. Check his pockets for leaves, folks. He gave you his card and told you to look him up if you were ever in Fog's End. Next, after a long debate about whether or not to do a glass blowing demo, you followed Davian to the veranda for a wine tasting. While there, you noticed a field of sunflowers growing defiantly amidst the blight. Davian revealed that this was where Alana spent most of her time while she hid out at the vineyard. You decided to take your wine

flights to go and plowed into the sunflower maze, communing with Arianna, who turns out is the mother of the were ravens via a giant crow named Corvac. Onyx used a plant growth spell to reshape the sunflower field, allowing them easy access to the center of the garden. As you ventured deeper, Davian gave you a literal on-the-fly wine tasting, only for you to realize that, thanks to the life-sapping powers of the Gothaius tree, the wine has all gone bad. Crestfallen, Davian revealed that if the tree is not stopped,

he'll be forced to sell the winery to Dolter, who wants to turn it into an inn and spa? Jin surmise that Dolter might be in karoutes with the tree, and you three all decided that you should keep the winery alive, if only so that you can become their sole potato food distributor. Exclusivity. And so, in exchange for a few seats on the board, you agreed to do whatever it takes to stop the tree from spreading its blight.

Next, you went to investigate the center of Alana's garden, where you found a bundle of silver garlic bulbs. Inside her toolshed, you found several jarred bulbs of garlic labeled unrefined peralium ore, as well as a silver tube bearing the Olmest sigil. However, before you could investigate its contents, a bell rang, and you were summoned to the roof of the winery estate where you were greeted by Davian's brother Elvier. Elvier explained that his other spies had been killed,

but that the knowledge he gained was well worth it. The witch coven led by Babla Saga has left the Gothias tree and is now headed to the megalith in order to restore the seal that keeps Ariana's powers at bay. Davian rallied the crows, saying that now was the time to strike. He then turned to you three and asked if you'd be up for a little witch hunt. And that is where we are now. So you see these other ravens help Elvier to stand up,

and the massive bird hobbles over to the map where Davian is currently standing. He clasps his brother on a shoulder and says, It's brilliant, Davy. If these three can stop the witches, It means our remaining forces can attack the druids without fear of their spells or creeping hot. How do we proceed? You see, Davian scratches his beard feathers, then pulls out a few corks and places them on the map. According to our botanists, we've got until sundown tomorrow before the druid's ritual blights the soil beyond the point of recovery.

So here is what I propose. Davian moves a cork towards a small clearing at the westernmost end. edge of the map. We will send the triplets to intercept the witches and their creeping hot at fog's end. After you've accomplished this task and are headed home, you'll send us a signal at which point we'll begin our attack. He puts a cork in the center of Yesterhill and surrounds it with six small grapes. It won't be easy. Stop trying to eat those. Stop it. It won't be easy. Can I just have one? You're going to get sick. I'll just take this little one. You're going to get sick. You're going to get sick. They told me about you. You're going to get sick. I'm drunk.

going to have the munchies. Yeah, it's the munchies. All right, give him a gritty. He needs to throw up. Those who are supposed to represent the druids, but just know there are six. I'll remember they're six. Okay, okay. You can have the grapes.

Jenz instantly forgets. It looks like there's not that many druids. Oh, okay. I ate two grapes. In addition to the druids, there's an army of wine blights standing between us and the tree. But if we can hold out to you return, I think we can push through. Sorry, can you get something to represent the wine blights?

Maybe a cracker. Yes. Crackers and cheese. Cheese with the crackers. Do you prefer rosemary crackers or maybe something with a little more of a spicy? Plain. Plain. Let's do plain.

Yeah, let's do plain just in case. Okay. Unsalted. Plain water biscuits. Yeah, water biscuits. Heavy on the water, please. I wink. That grape was a little spicy.

We put some sopping wet biscuits on the table. All right. It is. It's going to somewhere. Wow, there's no wine blights, I guess. It looks like we defeated them. Remember, the water stains are where the wine blights will be. Right.

And it is important to remember that as long as one druid remains, the ritual can continue. We must wipe them all out before sundown tomorrow. So you hopefully will have time to rest and recover before heading back to join the fight. Does that all sound good? That sounds good. As soon as we finish them, we'll get a quick 14 to 16 hour night's sleep. and then we'll be right back. I don't know about the math on that,

but I trust you. I have to trust you. And maybe a long nap before we head out as well. Two sleeps, two sleeps until we fight the drinks. I must insist on one sleep. All right, if it's really long. Jen's sweat. I can get you some coffee.

It is grape flavor, but I have it. No, that's good. That's good. All right, let's get some grape coffee and let's hit the road. All right. Let's kill these witches and these trees, huh? Wonderful. Davian hands you the map from his barrel table, and you study it and see that Fog's End is actually this small valley in the westernmost reach of Barovia.

On either side of the valley, you see two large hills. The hill to the right is labeled Yester Hill, and the hill to the left bears a small picture of the winery. In the center of Fog's In, you see a crude drawing of the megalith, and below that you see a settlement labeled Village of First Breath. Davian points at the megalith. You will find the witches here, sealing this structure with their wicked magics. Once you stop them, ring this bell. Davian presses a small black bell into one of your palms. Who wants it?

Me. Jins claims the bell. Sorry, it keeps slipping out because your hands are so wet from the crackers. Yeah, that was a funny joke. Can I hear what the bell sounds like? Sure, yes. Go ahead. Wait, no, no, no.

This is an emergency bell. All right? Let's save it. You want to be surprised in the case of emergency? I do want to try it out. What if it's ear piercing? What if it makes a crazy sound that we all get so distracted? You guys don't give it a little jingle, brother.

I need to know what to expect. No, you guys don't know what to expect, all right? Because then you're going to ask me to ring the bell a bunch of times, and the crows are going to come flying. What if it's really quiet? If you guys hear it one time, you're going to want to hear it all the time. I swear we won't want to hear it all the time. You know how we had that one song on the radio that we all really liked,

and then we kept playing it. You said, play it on repeat. Wabuti, abu dae, yabutai, yabouti. Yeah, and now maybe we're back to liking it, but we didn't like it for a while. Remember that? But I just, I just need to know. I'm not playing the bell, okay? I'm not playing the bell.

It's going to scare me. I'm so sorry, go on. It's okay, it's course. Davian, go on. Davian, don't you think you should play the bell? Nacca's crying. I mean, you already know what it sounds like. It is exactly blue by iPhone 65.

That is what it sounds like when it rings. So you already know. Oh, okay. That's actually so convenient. Yeah. All right. Yeah, that's perfect. Yeah, we don't want you guys to get sick of it again.

Now I really want to hear it. I love that song. Yeah, you love it again. It is a good song to revisit, but if you play it too much, you will get sick of it. Thank you, Davian. I just feel like I would, like, be going into battle with, like, such a skip at my staff. Do you guys want me to just play it one time? And then after that, we're just not going to play it again until we need the crows,

because that's just kind of how it is. Play it one time, but let's crank it. We're going to play one time. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, one time, two times in a row. One time, two times in a row. No, one time.

One time, one time. One time, one time. One time, one time. I ding the bell. Okay. You hear a beautiful, haunting church choir rendition of I'm Blue, Dumb to Die. And as it plays, you see a little raven wearing a hat lands on your shoulder. What do you want? Oh, yeah. Sorry. See, this is where the signals are getting crossed. I read the song.

Yeah, you hear the song. And so you come and you're sort of the messenger, Raymond? Great. What's your name? Bungo. Bungo? Yeah. Okay, Bungo.

Get the fuck out of here. We'll call you when we need you. This is why I didn't want to play the song. Okay, don't play too much. You're going to get sick of it. Yeah, I agree, Bungo. Actually, Bungo, you're all right. Wait, Bungo.

Don't go. What's up? Can I borrow your hat? That hat is really small. It's going to hurt your head. I'm sure. You're going to be complaining about headaches whenever you put your head. Whenever you put your hair in a bunny tail.

I won't get a migraine this time. Let me wear the tiny hat. Remember when you saw that large child's hat and you said I could fit into a large child's hat and you put it on and you wore it all day and then you had a headache? I did want to take it off and it was kind of tight and it made me a little dizzy. That's right. Pretty similar situation. I don't think it's going to happen.

This hat looks like it's bigger. Okay, Bungo, can we have the hat? It's my favorite hat, but, you know, if you're helping out the crows, then, you know, I guess I go through you. Okay. All right. It's your, there you go. He hands you his tiny Dr. Seuss hat.

You put it on your head. You're not supposed to fit all the way into a Dr. Seuss hat. It's supposed to be a lot of slack up top. I wanted to cover my eyebrows. Okay. Your face is super pinched now by the hat. Okay, that's cool. We're good.

Thank you, Bungo. We'll only play the bell when we need you in the future. Can I pitch what the bell sounds like? Maybe it's this, maybe it's, I'm Bell and I can ding, I can don't. I can ding, don't. My Ruf looked really upset by that. Jen looks forward. We really should get going.

Now that you know how the bell works, there is one last thing we must do. Okay. He pulls out a small crystal flask with an obsidian raven's head mounted on the cork and says, We must toast to your success. This is Corvac's milk. a strong grapper that takes nearly a decade to mature. It is very powerful,

but if you can handle its kick, it will be a great help in battle. Who would like some? Fuck it, I'm already drunk. Yeah, Nyak can try it, and then after we know it's safe, we'll have some. Okay. Do you want to try something to Jack?

Yeah, yeah, I'll toss it back. Give me a con save. That's not going to happen. There are benefits and detriments on both sides of this. So you will come away with something good regardless. Okay. Uh, Nyack says, Yolo.

Uh, that's a 10. A tin, okay. Um, a tin, it goes down a little rough and scratchy, but you managed to keep it down without any problem. Uh, and you feel real good. You don't feel too drunk. You don't feel too sober. You feel honestly poised and ready. Your body feels loose.

You get four temporary hit points. Whoa. Okay. This hat fits now. Okay. Yeah. Uh, bottoms up. I'll have some.

Nice. Let's do a con save. Oh, yeah. That's a 19. 19. That's six temporary hit points, and you get to add a D4 damage to your next attack. Whoa.

Right? Okay, I'll try. 14. Four temporary hit points as well. Cool. Nice. You guys all did very well. You kept this thick grappa down.

You see all of the other crows take a sip. Jin's rules kinder. They all get very excited. They cheer as you guys head back down. the stairs. As you go, Davian puts a hand on each of your shoulders and says, good luck, my friends. And may you always fly in Corvac's shadow? I think Corvac will be flying in our shadow when we're done. Yeah, I don't think so. Sacrilege, but okay. Yeah. You guys head down the stairs of this winery estate and back towards the loading dock where your wagon was parked.

You all load up. And Esmeralda activates the traveling tavern, the Spectral Hors horses flash into existence, and you blast off down a winding trail at the back of the winery. As you travel, she activates the extended tavern mode, so you can relax a little bit. You've got about a half an hour before you arrive at the megalith. Is there anything you'd like to do? Oh, boy. That's the length of a friend's episode with the commercials. Yeah, that's true.

Let's watch them with the commercials. I love watching the commercials. Did you want to look at what was in this silver tube? Or are we just going to do the commercial version? You really should do the commercial friends. You know what? We can look at the tubes during the commercials. Yeah.

Okay, great plan. So we'll see promo for the XFL. We're watching in the year 2000 friends. This is like a taped version. This is great. Yeah, exactly. A lot of gap commercials. We'll inspect the tubes as we're watching that.

Okay, cool. So you get the intro, you get the cold open. It's very funny. Chandler and Joey are up to no good. Wow. Classic. Such scammed. You know what?

They're each trying out weird haircuts this episode. Whoa. Yeah. You know what? This will be the one where Chandler has a backwards hat on. It's the Thanksgiving football episode. Oh, wow. All time.

So you throw that on, and then the first commercial hits. It is for the XFL and also for PetSmart. Okay. Yeah. And while this plays, you start to read the first entry in Alana's journal. Oh. Entry one. The cure is finally in my sights. It seems Kazan and his druids were able to imbue this land with the most powerful plant growth spell I've ever seen. And as a result, I've been able to cultivate

a strain of garlic fortified with so much curse-breaking energy that it's alchemized into a new substance entirely. It has the properties of silver, but grows like a plant. As such, I'm dubbing this miracle metal, Puralium. Unfortunately, the first batch is much too weak to serve as an effective cure, but each successive generation will grow more potent. I intend to return periodically to inspect it, but for now, I must return home. Little Ismark would be excited to have a new sister, for I have decided to bring Marina with me.

You watch the first act of friends. I'm trying to remember what happens in the Thanksgiving. football episode and kind of nobody wants rachel on their team oh yeah esmeralda laughs way too hard and kind of almost crashes the card a couple times come on eyes on the road we've all seen this describe it to me i haven't seen this one it sounds so funny okay so monica gets like the better team okay okay i don't understand what football is continue monica's really competitive so that's why it's interesting yeah the gallers are like going in on each other you guys are doing a bad job of explaining it you're doing a bad job of driving the cart which is really more important

Debatable. Another commercial hits and you read the second entry. You see Alana's hand is a little shakier here. Entry two.

My journeys to and from the winery grow more difficult. I send Stroud's minions watching me and a new wave of his malice about to unfold.

It has been five years since I first discovered Peralium and every subsequent generation grows more powerful. I suspect that in five more years

the oar will be refined enough for me to properly test the cure. The road grows more treacherous, but I refuse to give in to despair. You reached the end of the episode, and as the credits play, you arrive at the final entry. This one is scrawled in a very hasty hand, similar to the final entry you found all the way back in Borovia. If you're reading this journal, and I'm not here, please, I beg you, continue my work. I have written theories on how to utilize the bulbs, and I have added them to the secret tome that has been passed down through the generations of our order.

This toome contains knowledge of how to defeat our enemy, and now, for the first time, knowledge of how to cure his victims. To ensure its safety, I have hidden it where the devil is least likely to look, beneath the roots of the wicked tree growing atop yesterhill. You might think there's a strange location But I have found that light Is shrouded best In the shadow of a shadow

Good luck And may the blade of truth Ever guide your hand Alana Petrovna The note ends And an episode of Spin City starts to play We don't need to turn it off Turn it off, turn it off

We don't need this That's something pretty good That's not great So there's a book under the tree Okay, so that's what we need to get. So that's what we need to get. So let's kill these witches, and then we can get some purellium. Okay.

Purallium. Puralium. And then... Is porellium, like, the name of her substance she's making with the garlic bulbs? Or is it, she said ore. So from reading the notes, you get the sense that puralium ore is almost like a metal that grows like a plant. A metal that grows like a plant. Okay.

And have we encountered that yet? No. Okay. So this is our first time hearing about it. your first time hearing about it. It seems like she was trying to keep this a secret, which is why I was not mentioned in the notes that you found in Barovia Village. And you know that the Parallium ore, there's kind of two versions of it. There's the unrefined version that you have in these jars. But then there's also the bulbs that you pulled up, which kind of have like a real

pure silver gleam to them. The other ones are kind of dull. So the quote unquote, garlic that we pulled up was actually Perilium ore. Yes. Got it. Okay. You're not sure like how to utilize it. If you wanted, you could make a medicine or an Arcana check to kind of infer what the uses of it might be. I would allow you to. Okay, yeah, I'll try it. Cool. Yeah, medicine or Arcana. You can kind of take a look at all this as you're riding. I have okay Arcana. Okay. Nat 20. Oh, my God. Just okay. Jen so doesn't care about Spin City that he locks in so hard on the vial. It's a pretty good show. What's your beef? I'm just, I'm just not interested. Um, okay, so yeah, it's you, uh, strangely enough, you pay really good attention to the commercials,

but when Spin City's on, you just, you just tune out. I just have so much time when I watch the commercials and not the show. Right. Uh, so you just inspect both these jars, uh, and this string of silver bulbs. Yeah. As I mentioned, the, the jars, the garlic in them is like, more dull. It's almost like, um, like a stainless steel or kind of like, it looks, uh, like it's just got kind of a silver hue to it as opposed to the, the bulbs that you pulled out, which are like, pure silver. They have more of a weight to them. You can kind of almost sense sort of like a pure metallic glisten and like a holy energy emanating from them. And I'll say with a 20, you find out a lot of information. You take a little lick of the brine in the jars and you

realize it tastes very similar to the herbs and spices. These can be used as a potion. They function like holy water. They can also be applied to a weapon to give it an extra a 1d8 of damage on your next attack against an undead or a shape shifter. Okay. The application of that takes one minute. Oh, shit. It can also be used as a spell. It can be used to cast protection from good and evil.

Oh, we should do that right now. Okay, I'll pull up protection from evil and good. Oh, great, thank you. Okay. Until the spell ends, one willing creature you touch is protected against creatures that are aberrations, celestial, elementals, fe, or fiends, or undead. Creatures of those types have disadvantaged on attack rolls against the target. Target also can't be possessed or charmed or frightened.

by them. So I have a thing to give some disadvantage on you. I have my taunting step. Okay. Oh, so we do it to you. So if you did it to me, I could run in, Misty Step Out. Okay, that's interesting. Yeah, how much of a resource is this?

Do we think we could get more of this soon? Or does this seem like a situation where we need to save a bunch of it based on the writings? So go ahead and roll me a D6 to see how many jars you grabbed. Three. Three jars. Okay. So that essentially equivocates to three protection from good and evil potions or three doses of an extra D8 of damage. I will say you've got three of those and then you've got these four bulbs.

What you learned from the journal entries is that these bulbs take a long time to grow and to perfect. So you might want to hold on to these. This is like a jar of silver face paint more or less. Yeah. Yeah, you've got these. I mean, I think we should coat you in silver. Do you miss a tin man treatment? Yeah.

Wicked style? Yeah. I don't know if he's in this one. I actually am maybe not going to do this one. He must be. I think he is. It's very tin man forward. He's got to show up sometime.

He wasn't in the first one. He's in the universe, certainly. And I feel like I got what I needed. They were doing big hints at the tin man. He's my favorite character. Constantly cutting to the tin man as a baby. The tin baby. We all remember him.

Right. Okay. Why don't we give a jar to? keychain and then if we find out while we're fighting them that they are they fall under this umbrella we can give it to you and go with that plan but we don't have to do it right now just in case okay so in the middle of the fight keychain could come paint me like one of his tin men yeah pay me like one of your tin girls I'll make sure it gets way up your nostrils and in your ears for accuracy there you go okay so we'll give a jar to keychain for safekeeping

and then I think we're just good to go, right? Yeah. You distribute these jars. Jens, as you're putting away the pure peralium ore bulb, the one you pulled from the ground, the like super shiny silver one. I'll say there's one more thing that you're able to glean with your deep study of it.

You're a very studied man. You've learned much. We'll spin cities on, I don't care. This can also be used as a periapse. If worn by a vampire spawn it can neutralize their maker's commands. Whoa. Okay, we can give that to that dude's brother, right?

Doru. Oh, there you go. Oh, did he follow us? No, Doru is not here. Doro's way back. I'm just saying. Yeah, Doro's been painting nipples in the chapel. Yeah.

Not to be like too much of a social climber, but I would love to meet like a vampire spawn here. Oh, that could be fun. Yeah. Yeah. Why wouldn't you want to be a social climber? It's the coolest thing you can be. That's true.

Yeah, you're so right. If it wasn't, why would we be climbing? Life is a ladder. We're going to need some oxygen at the top of this mountain. I'm going to climb it all night long. All right. You stashed these away with new knowledge, another weapon in your quiver against Strad. You proceed down this hill and into a thin gulch.

Behind you, the silhouette of the winery stands proud amongst the encroaching mist. Across the way, you see a thorny overgrown path leading up to Yester Hill. Wine blight stand watch around the base, and at the top you can just make out a circle of six druids dancing and chanting wildly around the roots. Despite the thick fog, you can clearly see the blood-red sap leaking from the grinning, face-like trunk of the Gothias tree. The wagon lurches to the left, and you leave the tree leering in your wake. You pass through a heavily wooded trail and then arrive in the small village of first breath. You see several ancient dwellings built into the walls of the stony hillside. The dwellings are unlike any you've seen throughout Borovia,

and all seem to be empty. The only sign of life you see comes from a decidedly non-ancient cottage nestled amongst the burrows. Oh, that's our tree guy. It has a whitewashed facade and a pristine chimney belching smoke into the misty sky. Oh, so tasty, my God. I guess it's a tasteful tree. On a nearby mailbox, the only of its kind, you see the letters DVH. Oh, yeah.

Is that bedazzled? As you zip by it. It's distressed to look vintage. Vintage bedazzling? Hammered jewels? It looks like a freaking Ed Hardy shirt straight from 2003. Like a real vintage one, not like a reprinted one. How are we supposed to fight this guy?

I don't know. As you zip past the little cottage, you look inside one window and you do see that he's an ancient propeller from like a, like World War I bomber, like it leaned up in the corner. Whoa. Damn. It's so lean. He loves war. You take one last glimpse at this cottage as the wagon creaks past and down into a deep quarry-like basin.

As you descend, you notice that the mist no longer follows. In fact, it rises above the trees here and encircles this valley like a giant swirling column. your eyes widened in shock where you realize that for the first time since you entered Barovia you can see clearly over a long distance

in fact Rod's looking out for his boy moms, huh? Oh, that's why. Why doesn't everybody give me a perception check and I'll tell you just how clearly you can see?

Okay. That is a 27. 27, wow. I just got an 8. I'm distracted by Spin City. Eleven, I'm also watching Spin City. It's sucking you in. It's that fox charisma.

Okay, so, wow. Nyak, with a 27, you see a massive crater sits at the center of a sloping stone basin. Inside the crater, you see four black stone obelisks connected by a diamond-shaped platform, like a Wi-Fi router made of stone. Glowing runes line all the obelisks, except for one, which is currently wrapped

in blood-red vines. The vines rise from the hands of four witches, all of which have moss-like skin and tangled hair laden with trinkets. Three wear pointed hats, while the fourth, Baba Lassaga, wears her hair stacked in tall, horn-like braids. In Nyak, with your great score, you also see that about ten feet away, there's a large ramshackle hut resting atop a set of gnarled, limb-like roots. The hut rises and falls slowly like the chests of a sleeping dog.

You also spot a few footprints and broken twigs near the two columns farthest from you. And as you are investigating this scene, you guys are kind of at the top of this hill outside of the view of the witches. You've parked the wagon and are proceeding on foot now. Go ahead and give me an investigation check, Nyack. Not going to be quite as good.

That's an 11. All you can tell is that these witches seem hard at work, But the last thing I'll say is that you hear a cackling whisper on the wind that doesn't seem to match up with the witches you see before you performing this ritual. Okay, so to be clear, are what the druids doing and the witches doing working together? I think the druids are at the tree proper, if I'm not mistaken. I look at keychain. I believe the druids are at the tree proper, and these are.

which is here are helping with that, but also they're keeping your girl, your CEO at day. Yeah, so I'm going to disguise self as Ariana, because I'm assuming that they're like after in some way and like Babelisaga maybe as like some sort of

like rivalry because like a boy mom might resent a CEO's sort of like, could you imagine. You know, like kind of be like, you actually can't have it all and then the CEO's like, I can have it all. And then we're just you know. Yeah. I, they feel feel very like Facebook mom group and one got kicked out.

Yeah. So I'm going to disguise myself as Ariana. That's great. Do I want to start burning down her house and try to get them away from the obelisk? That house was breathing, right? Yeah, that's fine. We'll kill it. Okay.

It can't be good, right? Yeah, let's try. A house isn't supposed to be alive. It's not supposed to be alive, so we'll kill it. But perhaps we could utilize it in battle. But why would the house list not us? Let's go try to hijack her house. Yeah, we'll try to hijack the house, I guess.

Let's renovate. That's why it needs a makeover. We are flippers. Oh, my God. We need to just load it up with millennial gray. Get your gray vinyl flooring and your white paint. Yes. Oh, my God, white and gray.

I'm going to pick off all of this molding. Okay, so actually, that's great. If one of you, I have a spell that could make one of you super invisible. It's called Greater Invisibility. great so if one of you wanted to like sneak over there and try and like get inside the hut or something that could be yeah i could do that if i can talk to the hut maybe i could persuade it i have pretty good yeah pretty good that you are kind of like i both of us do whatever you say except to drink when we don't want to you're going to try to outbaba the hut yeah i'm going to try uh do you also do you have alchemist fire in case things go wrong uh you used all of my elkis fire throwing up that oh my god do you have fireball I have fired bulls. Yeah, I mean, we'll have to do some demo. I also, I could enchant your blade with lightning.

Okay. Would that be cool? Yeah, I mean, I'd take some lightning on my sword. Why not? Load Jen's up with so much. He's the EEO. I'm a he-e-o, yeah. And he's the host of our home Renault show.

Jens looks so nervous suddenly. Oh, I'm on-camera talent? Okay. Jens, are you wearing crest whites? All of a sudden? Yeah, yeah. The dentist said you're supposed to have them in all the time. You could see my gums are becoming

bones. I can use some of this thickening hairspray on you, brother. Yeah, I'm okay. Should your domes be translucent like that? Yeah, I think so. That's so you can see the white of my team. It must be the invisibility spell. It's working already. Yeah. Okay. All right, I'm invisible. Invisaline ability. And do you have something to give me lightning sword, you said? Yes. We'll need to cast it right before you strike. All right. So we'll wait for that then. All right. I'll sneak ahead. I'm going to try to. convince the house. Yeah.

Okay. In the meantime, no one do anything weird, okay? Okay. Okay. Okay, cool. You guys are kind of like waiting in this vantage point at the top of this kind of basin. We are hiding.

You're hiding. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. As Jen says, don't do anything weird. I nod rigorously in my Dr. Seuss hat. Everybody go ahead and give me stealth checks if you don't mind. I freaking crack. Yes, dude.

I freaking crick. Presumably I could do it with advantage with invisibility. You got it. It's a 23 for Nyack. That is. Actually, just a 15 stealth for me. Jen, I'm going to tell you 15's going to do you just fine. Yeah.

All right. Incredible. All right, yeah. I keep wincing and making sounds from how bad I'm getting burned by the white strips. I have to put on another pair. Are you wearing two under your eyes? They shouldn't go directly on your gums like that. I should get the eye bags out.

Yeah, I don't think it's working. They look red in the flames now. Shit, okay. Why are they on all your cuticles? Hang on, let me put some more on. I've heard that a tiny distracting hat can make people not look at your face. He's not getting my hat keychain. That's not what I was suggesting.

It's honestly not distracting. It looks so, like, real on you. Yeah, it's because I pulled it super low. You look so you. Authentic. Yeah. I had to gather it up and pull it really tight like a skull cap. It makes your head finally look like it's the right size.

It looks like a pot-belly fire pit now or fire chimney. You look like the end. inside of Benjamin Franklin's house. Okay, Onyx is being nice, but you're being mean, Kiki. Yeah, why do you have to bring Benjamin Franklin in Jesus? I don't know. I'm just constantly sorting through all of human data. Jenz thinks about how much he hates Benjamin Franklin as he walks,

approaches the house. Okay, great. So, yeah, with a 15, yeah, you managed to sneak past these witches. You guys are staying hitted. They have not detected you either. Jens, you go inside, and here is what you see. You see this simple 15 by 15 foot square hut. Everything is nailed down to prevent it from rolling around when the hut moves.

Sure. You see kind of like a little sleeping quarters arrangement to the back. You see a table with three adult men playing some sort of like complicated card game. And you see at the front of the hut sort of towards the main windows, almost like the cockpit of the hut. you see a witch sticking her hands into a bubbling cauldron. Her eyes are glazed over as she channels her power into controlling the hut's movements. Oh, shit. Right now she seems to be kind of on standby, focused in ignoring the chatter coming from the three adult men in the back of the room.

What are these dudes saying? Or I'm flipping three of my stratagem tokens, which means I can activate my manahease feature, which is going to take three lives from each of you. Yes! Mom! Mom, do we have any pop? Do we have any pop left? It's the boys. It's the boys to which she is a mom.

Jens? Oh my God. Okay. Quiet, Paxton. Mommy's working. This is their weak spots. Yes, okay. I'm going to go up and hold a knife to Paxton's throat. Don't move a fucking inch, okay?

Don't move a fucking inch. I just had to watch a whole episode of Spin City. God damn it. I'm on the edge. All right? Okay? I thought it was going to be, I thought it was going to be a friend's marathon, but it wasn't, okay? Ben City came on after it, okay?

Listen up. Hey, mom, I got your boy here. Okay? And I'm going to cut his fucking throat, all right? What I need you to do? I need you to drive this house at your friends there, at the obelisk. Okay? And I need you to slam it down into them.

Paxton? Can you try to escape? Jackson, Braxton? Can you help? You see the other two men, they're just useless. They're just like straight up commoners. They're terrified. Who are you?

What's brought you here? Oh, you must be with that pact bearer. That wicked onyx. She's trying to reawaken the obelisk, isn't she? Look, the age of boy moms is over. It's time for he-e-os. Hey there, Nat Poles. This episode is brought to you by Rocket Money.

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If there's one priority I have above my coven, it's my sweet Paxton. Die! She's going to try and magic missile you. Going to kill Paxton. Presumably I have a ready to action. Yes. He's an adult man, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You have advantage. Great. I'm just going to cut Paxton's head off. She made her choice. 17 to hit. Okay, yes. You hit Paxton. Okay.

As soon as you hit him, his skin turns gray and he turns to dust. All right, choose the other one. Who's the next man child? We go down. Boom, boom. Yeah, that's right. You should be yelling for mom.

Maxston's fucking gone. Oh, no, I can't die yet. I haven't started my stand-up career. I've got so many dreams. This dude's done. I grab that guy. Braxton? You want to move to Austin, bud?

You want to move to Austin? You do, don't you? Please, my mom says I'm real good at computers. He wants to move to Austin. She said I'm good enough to be on Chopped. Doesn't he, mom? When we hear shit go down, can we run to join? Yes.

Let me cut outside for a moment as this happens. You do hear a loud ruckus. But strangely, as you're watching, you hear this ruckus unfold, but the witches seated in front of the obelisk don't move. In fact, you've watched them for long enough to realize the image is looping. Oh, this is a trap.

It's an illusion. Jen's for sure doesn't know that. He's just, and you're killing this woman's son. So Jins is in there. You hear this loud ruckus emerge. You see a flash of light as this one witch prepares to cast a spell. As this happens, Babelisaga looks up, looks around, and says, They're here.

You see the three other witches dissolve into black smoke as the programmed illusion lifts. Then she turns towards the top of the crater and start searching for you. Everybody roll initiative. Oh, boy. 16. 15. I also got a 15. Wow.

Whoa, is it a roll-off? That might be a roll-off, friends. All right. Oh, boy, I can't roll for shit. Eight. I got a four. Okay. You went.

So, Onyx, Jens, and Iac. You're all grouped together. That's so sweet. That won't be bad at all. It's good for us all to go at the exact same time and let the enemies surround us. And I used my first turn to just fight a commoner. It was weird.

Well, you do have greater invisibility. I have a greater invisibility. Oh, yeah, it doesn't lift if you kill someone. Awesome. Yeah, so, Jens, you are still invisible. First up is Esmeralda. She had prepared a reaction to cast lightning blade on you. This is kind of a home-brewed version of lightning bolt.

She kind of snaps her finger and your blade starts to charge with electricity. You'll now do 2D8 extra lightning damage on your attack. Hell yeah, dude. Go get them, big guy. Thank you. Take him to spin city. Shit, I hate that I like that. Awesome.

So that is Esmerlda's turn, and then Onyx, that is you. Okay, with my Nat 20 stealth, I think I'm going to sit on that for one more minute. So then I'm going to cast spirit shroud on myself as a bonus action, but then I'm just going to evil eye, Babelisaga,

because I can do that within 120 feet. What does evil I do? I did it to you. Oh, yeah, Jesus. It's like a minor curse, right? Jen shivers. Yeah, because it means that anything, Because I know Nyack is going to roll a bunch with advantage and stuff.

So anything that is a 19 or 20 crits. Oh, right on. Eight psychic damage to her. There's no role. You just take it. Oh, amazing. Eight psychic damage. And then for the next round, any attack roll that is a 19 or 20 is a crit.

Sick. Ooh. Okay, 19 or 20 crits. Amazing. Take note. As you glare at her with this evil eye, still hidden. She kind of like whips her head around. I knew it.

Anex, I sense you. Trying to use Ariana's tricks, are you? I am disguised as Ariana, but I am also hidden. Show yourself. Where are you? As long as you're hidden, you can't interrupt the ritual. We'll seal this obelisk for another year, and Ariana's presence will weaken. I'm not going to respond because I can't give up that I'm not Ariana. Give her the silent treatment.

Yeah, yeah. Evil eye and a silent treatment. treatment. Awesome. That is your turn. Jins, you are next. Okay, great. I throw the other commenter to the side, the other son. The other man-child to the side. Jackson, no! And then I'll run at the witch that's controlling the hut. And I'll take some cracks at her. Awesome. Yeah, you see she is like charging this spell, but she rolled very poorly in the initiative. So she's just facing you ready to be attacked. Okay.

Just how I like them. Okay, 27 to hits. Awesome. Yes, that hits. I see you checking a paper. I'm concerned. Did that out of habit. Yeah, I'm going to do a flourish.

Okay, with the lightning damage, that's 24 damage, and I add four to my AC for the round, and then I'm going to take an offhand attack. Okay. You said that was 24 damage? 24 damage. Great, okay. And I just crit on the off-hand.

So the lightning will double. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Okay, sick. Woo. I just blow up her son and then just start stabbing her. But actually, this is perfect because you know how to drive. You have a Porsche.

Jen sweats. You see there's a steering wheel inside the cauldron. Oh, good, great. 29 damage on the second attack. 29 damage. Yeah, it's got a clutch, just like your part. Yeah, for sure. Uh-huh.

Oh, yeah. Oh, good. It's manual, too. Jins, you close in on this witch. You see she has like a small cameo necklace of Paxton around her neck. Yeah. In memoriam, huh?

No, Paxton, I'm coming to join you. You slash into her. Lightning explodes. You see a black silhouette of her pasted on the window as you just demolish her with lightning. And this witch is defeated and you now can try to control the creeping hut.

Okay. Just going to take it out of- Put it into gear and rev the engine, bro? Yeah, into gear, which means park to D or N? N stands for Now We Go or D for Drive. Okay, we're going to go drive. I put my hands in the cold and try to get it to go. Wow, so the emergency brake is on and it's just making crazy noises.

Oh, right, yeah. Of course, yep, and that's for emergencies only. I push it down. Yep, that's losing that baby purr. Give me an Arcana check. Okay. 14. 14.

You get your hands around this wheel, which is slimy like an eel, strangely, and try to get your head around how to drive a house. But you're better at flipping them than you are at driving them. And unfortunately, you're not able to pilot it yet. But I will say that this will lower the D.C. as you investigated. I start yelling at Jackson. Jackson, get over here.

You're a grown man now. It's not for you to drive the house. I don't want to. You have to. You killed my friend's mom. Jackson. Wait, you're not one of the sons. You're just a friend?

He's another one son. Right. Okay, yeah. Oh, no, I mean, there was only one other witch. There are any more. Okay, yeah. Get over here, drive the damn house. Time for you to learn how to drive.

Drop this house on your witch mother, like Wizard of Oz, all right? You just know that he took driver's ed and then dropped out early because it made him uncomfortable. Jackson, I'm your new stepdad, okay? Really? Yeah. Do you think I have what it takes to go on chopped? I do. I love chopped, and I think you deserve to be on it.

I've been, like, working on my finger foods recently, and I feel like I've gotten really good. I've got some good recipes. Have you heard of grilled cheese? Yes, I have. My mom says I'm really good at making grilled cheese, and then I could be on chopped. That's great. Okay, let's learn how to try, and then that way we can go get ingredients to put together your

audition tape. Okay, great. All right. You see Jackson wanders over at Braxton's like, Jackson, no, he's tricking you. Braxton, I'm also your stepdad now. Do you think I have what it takes to make it in the world of computers? Yes, of course. It's the best time to be a developer.

We have so much AI on us. We love AI, okay? We think you could be working for a supercomputer. I love AI. AI's my girlfriend. There you go, yeah. Wow. Okay, so these two adult son, Revenants,

wander over to you and start. giving you tips on how to drive. So hot. I didn't even think so you could date AI. So hot. So hot. You see Keychain licks his crotch. Whoa, like a dog.

Okay. So, Nyak, you see Babelissaaga standing in the middle here. She has sealed one of these obelisks. You see these kind of like crimson thorny vines circling around it, kind of like squeezing the magical power out of it. The ruins have gone dark. And she's looking around. trying to find who casts this evil eye on her, but she cannot move yet.

She is a low in the initiative as well. Okay. Your boy rolled ass. I lock eyes and nod at Onyx and say, it's time to try defying gravity. And I think I'm going to sprint out towards Bobbillus off. Guys, that's so appropriate because we're fighting witches. Jump up in the air. Misty flip.

Zephyr strike. That's going to be a 27. to hit. Yeah, that hits, man. Okay. I'll take my second attack that I get with Dread Ambusher. It's an old woman. A 22 to hit. Yep. And I will take my third attack as well. Oh, shout out to the two crew. I just stumbled just at the last second. And I'm also going to use the acid damage on that bad boy. Unlimited. Forty-eight damage. Jesus. Oh my God. Yeah. You see she's just like, show your Salonics, show yourself you and your wicked little friend.

It's like just fucking riddled. You see this like the vines which are glowing, this kind of blood red flicker for a second, but then she pulls the arrows out, licks the blood. Her eyes kind of gleaming with this like blood

red energy and fire within them and she prepares to attack as well. That is keychain. Potion Potion Potion at the ready. Oh yeah. Yeah, make some new potions, I guess. Yeah, we don't want to use the jars yet. Yeah, I don't think we need it yet.

Okay, I have my potions from last time. I have two boldness and one alter cell. Oh, okay, I'll take a, I'll take a boldness? Anyone feeling bold? Okay, he's going to give you a boldness potion. I believe that is essentially like a blessed spell. It's a D4 to your attack and saves. Okay, I throw it back like a shot.

I wince. Oh, so disgusting. That was 48 ounces. They're all in tall boy cans. Yeah, I take a big gold. like a shack. He nozzles up to you as you take this massive two-pint shot. I spritz him and remind him that pets are meant to be seen, not heard.

Woof, woof. Supposed to just show off your pets. And that is going to bring us to the boy mom's turns. Oh, no. Uh-oh. The one inside the hut has been decimated. Nyack, you have revealed yourself to take your shot, correct? Or did you take it from...

No, I jumped out and sang to find gravity. Okay. You've made yourself known. He didn't reveal himself, though. He was polite about it. I'm also wearing a red and white striped top hat. You're wearing a hat that looks like a target is the colors of a target.

On the boy mom's turn, you see one of them comes out of invisible from behind an obelisk and is going to run up into the creeping hut to try and pursue Jens. The other one, first you see crackling energy form out of the air as she prepares a spell coming out of Invisible to do so, and she's going to target you, Nyack, with Ray of Sickness. Oh.

He's already, always. Yeah, he already has that. I already have a migraine that just tightens your hat. This one's for you, Brad and the hat. Okay, she's going to make a range spell attack against Euniak with advantage because she was coming out of Invisible. Whoa, you scared me. You just square your body up to her perfectly as you. me yell at. She got a 17, which is going to hit you. This is going to be 2D8 poison damage,

and I need you to make a Constitution saving throw. Oh, God. Nah, you haven't been drinking, have you? I've been drinking. I think I have an ocular headache from this damn hat. That's a 12. 12. Just makes it. Woo! Really? Really? Wow. Okay, actually, the hat's good. That's fine. I'm feeling normal. Stay away from my boy. I don't want you anywhere near here. Rod promised us that if we help him, we can start a bakery on the former site of the winery, and we'll use it to pay for all of our son's many pursuits. Yeah, that is not going to happen.

Your business license is revoked. Also, your business plan is flawed. A bakery is a passion pursuit. It's not some sort of money printer. Well, the pastries we make are a true money printer. They're dream scones. They're basically drugs, but you eat them like a scone. Okay, actually, drug dealers do make a lot of money.

Drug dealers do make a ton of money. Exactly. Okay, so I take it back. I don't like to call myself that. You should have included that in your bitch. You should have said it was drugs. I would have had a lot more respect for you. We're going to steal your drugs out of your house.

No. And we're going to push your sons around. No, not my sweet Braxton. I shove Braxton. Yeah, when we're done with your sons, they're going to be independent. How could you know he needs me? He needs me to taste all his delicious little recipes. So, Nyak, you manage to avoid being poisoned,

but you do take seven points of poison damage. Oh, the other boy mom, Smish, is going to run inside. She's the mother of Jackson. Smish, what did I do to you? Get away from my boy. I slap Jackson. He's going to get married to a robot. Probably, yeah.

Yeah, I think he is. As if, as if his life will be that good. I can't believe I hadn't tried yet. It will. He's so good at computer. That's the beautiful thing about AI. You don't have to be good at computers to marry a robot. He loves working with the computer to make PDFs and read emails for me.

So that is going to be Smish's turn. Smish. I'm invisible, but it's really obvious where I am. Because I'm driving and yelling at people. So mechanically, she has disadvantage, but she can easily get within range. She knows the spot. She knows the general spot. She's gonna try and cast magic missile on you.

Magic missile auto hits. It auto hits. She just hits me. Look at that. So she's gonna hit you for 12. You see these little- Checkmates, Mish. You're doing a terrible job driving.

Jackson, Braxton, stand back. Yeah, she floats these sickly little green orbs towards you and they just kind of like pepper your body as you attempt to drive this hut. Ow, ow, ow. That is her turn and that brings us to La Saga. La Saga looks around, says,

Bella, smish, continue hunting them down. I will make sure that the seal goes as planned. And she is going to move to the next obelisk, and she is going to wrap it in these blood red vines as well. As she does this onyx, you feel your connection to Ariana and this fey magic start to weaken a little bit. It's still there, but it kind of like flickers,

almost like there's like a bad signal. Okay, I'm freaking out. She's messing with the Wi-Fi. The Wi-Fi is getting weaker. Are you trying to put us on airplane mode? You've had too much screen time. Nyak, we need to focus fire on her, okay? Yeah.

I can't stream anything. I can't stream anything right now. You're hot into that lady. I'm not getting any notifications. It's so lovely. We're not getting any notifications. We're all unplugging for a bit, okay? Jackson, are you okay with that?

Braxton? Unplugging? She's putting us on Do Not Disturb. On focus. Are you hearing what your moms are saying? Jackson, Braxton, come with us, okay? You've been under their thumb for too long. Yeah, we think you guys are awesome.

If I'm unplugged, how can I check on my Bitcoin? Exactly. You can use Jens' phones. What? You guys have phones? Yeah. Our moms won't let us have phones. I was a phone.

Whoa! And then I decided not to be. That's so powerful. What willpower? Okay, so that brings us to Lasaga. she's used her turn to make another seal on the obelisk. So there's two of four sealed right now? Exactly.

Great. And if she manages to seal all four, it will be sealed for the next year. Got you. Let's see here. That is going to bring us back around to Es. Esmeralda, maybe attack the seal and see if you can do,

do you have like dispel magic or anything? I don't have it per se, but that was around like a lot of like highly technical spellwork with Leoman. So I could try and just like you do an arcana check on it. Okay. Or just kill Babelisaga. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kill bubbles.

Okay, do you want me to attack or do you want me to powder you up? Power me up. Okay. Let's see. She's going to, oh, yeah, she'll cast shield of faith on you. To give you a little boost to your AC. Ooh. Ooh.

Nice. Thank you. You see this spectral monkey sits on your shoulders and it's holding a little shield. Oh, pretty boy. I've returned to try to make a dreadwife of me. What's happening over there? I thought I said nothing weird. He found me.

He found me. I'm sorry. Who found you? Piddlewick. Piddlewick? What is it? What is it? Piccolo?

Piddle Dick. Piccolo? Piccolo, okay. He found me and he wants to make a treadway for me. Okay, yeah. And he appears to something deep and base within me. Okay. Yeah, I think.

To be his treadwife. Yeah, I think, yeah, there's some projection happening. Onix. Onix, go to him. Why, though, huh? Hey, everybody. He followed her to the ends of the earth That's really romantic for a monkey

Did you find him? I think it's not really him though He's just like a different color And a different monkey You know the law of stability That I don't have to cultivate It's strong You see the Piccolo holds out

Two tickets to Wicked for Good How did you know I enjoyed the first But wasn't blending unseeing the second Oh He gives you the come on gesture You see it is for the the sing-along version. So you're going to have to learn all the lyrics.

Okay. That's as Meryl has turned, Onyx. That is you. Okay. I want to, like, have my movement look like I'm coming out of the, out of one of the obelisks because I am disguised as Ariana. Right. Yeah. Class of Ony's move. Oh, sick. That's really good. Babelizaga, I am here. Ariana. It is me, your rival, who you kicked off the mom Facebook group. Because you're jealous that I am a CEO. What? Ariana. How can this?

B. You deserve to be kicked off the group. You mothered the Wair Ravens and also the mist elves and you left them to Rodinous Land while you returned to the Faye Wild to work on your phones and your business. You are a bad mom. I have not a bad mom. Okay? Just because I let Bluetooth be independent and go off on his own to find himself doesn't make me a bad mom. It makes me a trusting mom who's raising a boy capable of powerful things. I want him to be more powerful than me. You are a fool.

I want him to eclipse me. You are a fool. Boys need to be smothered. They need to be loved at every second and never given a chance to spread their wings. Okay, I'm going to attack her. First attack is 24. Hits. Second attack is 17 to hit.

Ooh, nice. 40 damage. Whoa, fuck, yeah. Onyx, you dressed as Ariana wheeled this charm choked mall and just whamper in the side of the fucking head. She says, boys are special. They deserve to be treated better than others. And then she crumples to the ground

and you think for a moment that she's been defeated, but then she says, no. It doesn't end like this. Smish, come to me! And she grasps her fist, and you see Smish, a member of her coven, bounder her by blood, fades into smoke as well, and she absorbs her life force and stays on her feet.

Whoa. Bracton. Smish! She just killed your mom. Mom! And then I'm going to Misty step away, taunting step. So she has a disabre

disadvantage on attacking anyone but me. Awesome, okay. Hell, yeah. And ideally I'd like to, like, misty step behind if I can get, like, half cover anywhere or anything like that. Yeah, I mean, there's plenty of obelisks to hide behind. Yeah, cool. As well as foliage.

Yeah, you can definitely get some half cover going. Awesome. Sorry, I have to go. I have a meeting. But what about your son? I trust him. No! Don't you spend all day fantasizing about the awful things he could do?

No, I look forward to me. meeting my future daughter-in-law. So, Anik, you get into the fray with Babbales Saga. It looks for a moment like she's been defeated, but then she bolsters herself using one of her coven. Jins, you are inside the creeping hut, but Smish. Smish is gone. Firing missiles at you has been destroyed.

You see Jackson goes, Mom, no! Yeah, she's gone. If it's any consolation, she was a bad person. How could she be a bad person? She was my mom. True. You make a compelling argument? She was a bad mom, too.

You see that he crumbles into dust as well as soon as the magic holding him to this realm was destroyed. So only Braxton and Bella are left of the boy moms. Okay, Braxton. I just feel like if we all could just like chill out and have some grilled cheeses. Sure, yeah.

Okay, yeah. I was going to try to convince you to rebel against your mom, but it does seem like you guys are like tethered together by fate. So I push him and I try to drive the house again. Okay, I'll say that the DC gets lowered by 1D6. It was 17 before. Let's see how much it gets lowered by. Please.

Oh, five. Okay. Okay. But I'm still doing Arcana. Yeah. So not necessarily going to be able to do this. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

That's six. You keep working at it. Yeah, you hear the... This is actually really in character, though. I'm going to ditch the house. The dice, no. Yeah. The dice, no, I shouldn't be.

touching this house. Braxton, best of luck to you. I, you know, yeah. Thank you. Here, take this. I made it for you. He hands you an olive with googly eyes on it. Okay. But now you can't eat it.

You take the googly eyes off. Yeah. It's presentation. Braxton, thank you so much for this. Within view of him, I walk over and I use like the stepper opener on a trash can, drop them in, and then walk out of the house, attack his mom. You just throw away the eyes. You can eat the olive. Yeah, that's okay.

Can I tell me you can attack? Yeah, you can attack Bella. Okay. Well is the one that casts a ray of sickness on Nyak. Great. She's kind of standing in the center of this platform as well. She grossed me out, brother. Yeah.

Only a little bit of food should make my brother sick. Not whatever this is. Your silly hat is on the inside. I can see it. Shut up. I'm not, you can't even tell I'm wearing a driver's cap. That's a 21. Yeah, Jen's is wearing a bold, has made a bold hat.

choice while he's invisible. You can't see. You can't see. You don't know. You raided the boy mom's closet. Yeah. That is 17 damage. Nice.

And I add five to my C this round. And then I'll make an offhand attack. Best one here is a 16. That hits. Okay. And then I just roll D6 for that. That's just four damage on the second one. Once again, do a really bad attack with my left hand.

You slice and. to Bella, totally invisible. I will say that for a moment, your driver's cap materializes as it like flips off your head, then you grab it, put it back on, almost using that as a faint to try and stab into her, and you whittle her down.

She is still standing, but she's looking very fucking hurt. Okay. And that is going to bring us to Nyack. All right, Lasaga, I'm going to make you eat your friend. That's right. What?

The only thing I'm eating is Braxton's delicious miniature grill cheeses. Well, you just ate Smish. Yeah, you just say smith. That's smith. You had smith. How are you going to have a grilled cheese after smith? You ate smith.

I would love a grilled cheese after smish to get a taste of smith out of my mouth. Okay, that actually makes a lot of sense. That's tight. Yeah. Braxton also dubs like olives with inedible garnishes if you're interested in stuff like that. I'm sorry you don't get his creativity. No one gets Braxton's creativity. Sure.

He's not as creative as my sweet boy straw. It's a choking hazard. Oh, if you're a baby. What? No. What did you just say? Wait. I'm honest as a CEO you're crying over that what's going on here that was really uncalled for

why the hell you're baby i know we're shooting arrows at each other and trying to kill each other but we can do it with some civility she's a grown woman jens do i look like a baby no you don't look like a baby you look like an adult you have really smooth skin maybe it's maybe it's about you just look fresh face maybe you look young yeah okay thank you yeah we're going to take that as a compliment that's a dirty 20 to hit with Zephyr Strike. And my second attack, that is a 22 to hit. Both those hit.

51 damage. Nyack, you riddle her with arrows yet again, and you see she has no choice, but to reach out for Bella, who is struggling to breathe as it is. She pulls Bella's essence into a tiny little grill cheese with a toothpick through it

and chomps it down, toothpick and all, and stays standing, but she looks hurt. She ate the toothpick. Yeah, I think Braxton didn't even make that. It's not as good as Braxins, but none of these are as good as strad as my sweet boy. You, Ariana, you were wasting the gifts of this land. So was everyone else before my straddy boy arrived. He's the only one fit to rule here, and I will make sure that his rule continues for millennia.

But before she can do that, that is going to be Keychain's turn. Keychain is going to gallop over to gins, and he'll give him the other boldness potion. Thank you. Drink up. I let Braxton, as Braxton is disappearing, right? Because his mom disappeared. Yes. So as Braxton's disappearing, I do sort of mice and men thing.

And I go, look at this beautiful robot. Look at what AI can achieve. Oh, Jackson, if only you could have lived to see. Look, it's beautiful. The perfect partner. It just agrees with everything. you say, and then I, yeah, I stab him in the back of the head, mercifully. I'm going to make sliders in heaven, mom.

It fades the way into dust. And you do see that the only one remaining in the order is La Saga. She is fucking pissed. And I think she is going to go for Ariana or Onyx. She's not sure which one you are, but she knows that she hates you. She's going to cast lightning bolt on you. Okay, I think I can handle that I believe that is a dexterity save To a double backflip to avoid it, Onyx Okay, I'm just going to do a double backflip No way, no way

16 misses Ooh, not enough Damn Onex, you take 37 points of lightning damage I'm still standing Whoa, good for you, that would have toasted me Same

With temp hit points that would have toasted me You take the brunt of this lightning damage. And I do maintain my fucking concentration too. Oh, well, because I took an eldridge implication to get advantage on it. Jen's is like Vegeta watching Goku. Impossible. You withstand this blow. As you do, your body glows from like the embers of this like supercharged electric heat.

Don't you understand? Electricity powers a phone. Rihanna, is it really you? I... Believe me. You'll never get it. You'll never get the remnant. It was a gift to my baby boy.

Strotty deserves it. He'll use it better than you ever could. Get out of this land. You are not welcome here. I'm getting that remnant. In fact, he'll probably propose to me with it. No, no. No one has got enough for Strad, except for me.

His mommy boy. Lasaga looks terrified at this point. That is back around to Esmeralda. She is honestly just going to run over to you, Onyx, because you're next in the order. So you're going to give you advantage. Yes, dude. You got this, okay?

Okay, thank you. Okay, so then I'm going to run back into range. Dirty 20 on the first attack. Hits. 23 on the second attack. Boyce. Both hit. When did Kakarot surpass me?

30. Damage! Yes. Onyx finished Babala Saga. Woo! I'm going to say, mom to mom. I actually respect.

I know how hard it is. It's so hard. It's so hard because we love them so much. Yes. And then they have to leave us. No, they never leave. They don't have to. No, but they too have to leave us.

And if you're not willing to let them leave you, I think it's time for you to leave. And then I, I got her like in the stomach, but with my mall. Jesus. Mama Mia. Just shoving a mall in the stomach and lifting. You'll never get back on the Facebook group. Yeah, I'm starting a new one.

You got her, her body, instead of disintegrating, turns into thousands of little flies and just Oh, gross gross. That's so nasty. What the fuck were you eating? That's so fucking nasty. I think one got in my mouth. My boy. My boy. Drop. Ew.

That's so gross. Ew. And as the cloud of flies clears, you see these blood red vines start to crumple and fade away again. And for the first time you hear Ariane, Anna's voice, crystal clear in your mind, a perfect connection. Thank you, Onyx.

Now, how about we meet face to face? We're going to meet the Shi'i-O. We're going to meet the Shi'i-O. We can offer her a silent partnership. I take my hat off. I try to take mine off, but it's stuck. And that's where we'll end our session. Holy shit.

The boy Revenance was so funny. goodness i was really i was afraid that they were like tough i was like god there's four guys in here that sucks no i just instantly ash one sometimes it's funnier if they just die instantly oh man that was a fun one y'all uh congratulations you've gotten uh you're one step closer to defeating uh the blights and the gotthias tree you've taken out this force of witches now only the druids and the tree remain i'm excited to talk strategy and talk shop over on the short You can listen to that at patreon.com slash Nadpod. That's NADD POD, but don't sing it.

We are, we are. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, we've got a lot of stuff to plug. We've got our Radio City music hall show. Oh, yes, huge. That pod is coming to New York City, Radio City, and there are still some tickets left, April 10th, 2026. Mm-hmm. If you haven't heard the hot boys of summer have been captured and the band of boobs need to save them, along with Maveris at Fechella. It's going to be a blast, our first show in a long time. Yeah. That's right. In like two years

and the biggest venue we've ever done. Yeah. At least the Nadpod folks have ever done. Nadpod.com slash live. Yep. Sweet. And with that, we'll go ahead and wrap this one up. Thank you all so much for listening. You can follow us on social media there. Remain at U.S. v. Me. At Caldeas, Caldwell. At Aexper's Emily and at Jake Horses Jake. And you can talk about the show online using hashtag Nadpod. That's NADD-D-P-O-D. We are, we are. We are. The Youth of the Nation. We are. We are. We are the Youth of the Nation. We're going to be able to be. Hey, would you look at that? It's time to thank our benevolent counsel of elders. And guess who they are?

It's Brad D. Jeffrey S. Lord of the Fjord. Later, McSater. Matt M. Cutter W. Jeff C. Daniel G. Danielle, the dastardly dame. Carpe Liam. Victor T. Balnor's boy. Hoyt's friend, Justin I. Danny Danster. T.J. M. Trele, the Cray. D. Rohee. Now you have to say it. Jordan L. Cyborg version of Josh the Cobald. Targot, Stevie Wags. Hellish rebuquer, the NBDMPH. Jory S. Jack L. Nicholas C. star of every film, ever made in Bohemia.

Mike H. Alka Smelzer Plus, Great Value Jemma. Megan S. Tyler F. Bald, Byr. Heraciel Poirot, the Rabbit Folk Detective. Timi R. Jake's jerk, jelly. Hashtag Cascopboard Cass. Stephen C's spellbook sits before you turn. page 17, turn to page 41, turn to page 33, and turn to page 109. Nick W. Nico, the underpaid English teacher, William W., Big Bad, Beardo the Mad, Anorama, Percival, Frederick Stein, Von Mussel, Kloh, DiRolo, the third. Jay Dragonborn, guardian of the vibe, honoring the cock, impressive dongle, Ben A, Dave H, not that Nick.

Danny F. Hawkeye Pierce, Big Bad John, DPC is awesome. Sean, the Shade Tree Mechanic of Zelbaldar. R.G. Mark, the Dark Lord's taint. Cat C. Misa of Hausen-Zunza. Ariel, the occasional mermaid. Selina N. A.k.a. Valaci Rapp. Lauren H. Serve 16. Annie, the Faywild therapist. Parogi Frenzy. Bouth. Bynrat was innocent. Jack H. The King of the Mole people under Iron Deep, dressed in blue, fighting his way through a bracket-style tournament. Valin. P. The bitch and bunny bard. Druidic P. Carlin C. Omri. Noah. The gentleman Fister hashtag honor the cock james g everything bago the elatron who just wants to hang out with his pet badger stripy reverend chatterbones han eric b marcos phd phth d eventually learns the balance druid frieda m maggie holly the green laughing hyena grim waller executive chef of bohumia bud heavy

russell h c c lorlie the succubai and cure the succulent snack cow go truckin delivering bashful butts everywhere your friendly neighborhood Yon Uncle, Andrew and Sid. Don't skip over Thanksgiving. John Adams loves it. You got it. James F. Wayfarer now has to do something with the trolls. Get rid of them. Turn to page 42. Keep them. Turn to page

69. Oreo. Barpo Good Barrel, Bard Barian. Charlie Brown's best friend. Renee, the Monster Captain. Olivia, the enchanting bard, and Jared, the soap opera, cleric who are playing The Wedding March for Onix. Blue Ash, Fico, Garrett, the Artificer, J. K. Guard.

Fancy Matt. The fairies have returned to debauchery and now must go to the Carnal Corner. Cantrip Dumbledore, the bear onesie-wearing Barbarian. Lexi H. MJ, the BFG. Roger L. No-Drog, the pass-a-fist Barbarian. Brian L. and Eric B., insert training montage for 50K. John Luca, Leon K., legendary hero of Bohumia from a future campaign. Shananigans O'Connor, Mios the Great, Joshua S., Alexander, Lens W. Sky the Wise, aka the lone dungeon master. The spud fucker himself, Johnny Dude K.

The mischief of Nad Pod's familiars. Pabu Eskinor, the Goliath Paladin providing service with a smile. Jake Well, Murphily, we see what you did there. Tim M. Dragon Knight, 86. Strungle, the main event. TR, MLG, Cheeto. Shelby, Kenan's first favorite Sprite girl. Happy Hogla, wait, is that strad in a Santa suit or hell?

Maybe even the Grinch himself. self. No. Jet S. Snailess, the Eldrich Snail. Death to Tyrant, Stormy, 52, Memaw, Sky Days, Megan N. Anthony B. Balnor's best friend, Steve. Stephanie of House in Zunza. Benjamin A. Gimley, the Corgi, Paw, and Foster's canine friend. Mickle A. S.S. S. Tier, Crickwater, enjoyer. Josh H. Pilot of the Nightmareverse Flight. The two crew blew through. Ethan, the overworked mailman. Maple, the shy bookworm. A.J. Ashesaurus, Seth Stoker, bearer of all hog-related burdens. Billy B., Tori the tungsten, Dragoose, Emily and Murf's Grinch blow-up doll dealer, Michael L. S. the second, Carl B., plumber of the realm,

Ace Drags, High Lord of Critsburg, Vin Diagram, D.M. Charby, Catamilius, the Consumed, Cam, the Froglidays Man, Dean, Jake W, High Mom, Tyler O, the Mile High Bastard. Tuesday Cross, only here for the surf and mirth. We love you, Rat Jesus. Natpot fan and bar mitzvood, man, it's Dave O. Smores, Tyler McEm, M., Godog, Zivie to Bakery, Happy Birthday, Morgan S. Kaylee, Caterina C., Misty, the crispy kitty really hates flame skulls.

Carly C. Squire to the fabled Sir Pawpaw Gump. K. Joe, Greg W., there are so many of us now, but hey, you're doing great, and we love you, love you too. Baruch, Thunderhelm. generation Minotaur, working as an abandoned labyrinth tour guide. Chupac Aubrey, Boney, is dead. The Waterworth, your four-legged Greg companion. Nick, Amy, the raging Ranger Echo Ashmore.

Agus Kunari ignition class pedal storm. Not a DJ, but we'll still take the gig, DJ Dramamine. Chef Julie B, support food pantries. Mama Mayhem, happy Hoglanays to one and all. Jen's rules, kinda, Thomas C, Little Dark Lotus, Thank you, Kendra Miller, Joshua H, Jacob M, Louis H, A.J. Dinko, Ben V, and of course, Shinka Katsuni, or Skyler, the only male Katsuni in Bahumia. Thank you, everybody. That was a hate gum podcast.