Not Another D&D Podcast - Trinyvale X Strahd - Ep. 20: The Final Fortune

Episode Date: January 22, 2026

The Triplets prepare themselves for a dinner date with destiny! Onyx makes a masterpiece, Nyack finds a friend and Jens gets a migraine as the Trinyvale X Strahd Crossover Continues! SYDNEY OPERA HOUSE LIVE SHOW TICKETS ARE ON SALE NOW! BUY THEM HERE!CREDITSEditing by Brian MurphyProduction and Sound Design by Daniel Ramos (@Schubirds on IG)Logo Design by Chelsea LeCompteMUSIC INCLUDES:"Trinyvale Opening Theme" by Emily Axford“The Little Moon” by Emily Axford“Oh Melora” by Emily Axford“A Memorable Feast” by Emily Axford“Moonsick” by Emily Axford“Strahd” by Emily Axford“Barovian Tango by Emily Axford“A Hunkle’s Plea” by Emily Axford"The Tarroka Suite" by Emily Axford"The Gate" by Emily Axford“Obsidian” by Emily Axford"Trinyvale Closing Theme" by Emily AxfordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What's up, everybody? It's the two crew. Woo-hoo! And we have just announced we are going to be doing a show at the Sydney Opera House on March 16th, 2026. Oh, an architectural triumph and perhaps a triumph of D&D as well. Perhaps we shall see. Undoubtedly. Guarinduced. Guaranteed good show.

March 16th. Scoop your tickets quick because it is the only show we're doing in Australia. You're going to want to pay. be there. It's going to be a good show. One big show. One big show. Be on the lookout for that. Nadpod.com slash live. We'll see you there.

This is a headgum podcast. Welcome to Trinnavale. Trinnavale. And also Barovia. Barovia. Barovia. So good. I'm going to miss it when you die.

What? Your characters, I mean. Your characters. Ah, hello there, folks. I am your Dracula uncle, as always, aka Drunkle Caldwell Tanner, and I am joined by my, let's face it, petty players, Brian Murphy.

Dinner guest in Ismark's best, Jenslandell. Ooh. I forgot you stole his wardrobe. Yeah, that's fun. I almost said Ismark's vest, but I was like, we haven't really established that he has a vest.

He's definitely got a vest, right? You could have one of those, like, aren't there kind of, like, tunics that are just one long vest? Oh, yeah. That's fun. I don't know that Ismark can pull it off. Is that what a jerkin is?

Because a jerkin would be appropriate. I think that's what I was thinking of. It's a jerk in a vest. And speaking of appropriate, we've got Emily Axford. Burry me at sea with the evil tree is seed. It's Alex Lumier. Oh, yeah. You found the appropriate way to be a boy mom, which is to be a plant bitch.

Yeah. You're going to propagate the curse. Well, what do you do when your sons are old enough? You get really into plants. There you go. They won't let you down. You just eat them. And another tasty treat here for us all to eat is Jay Kerwitz.

Little asshole going to Stroud's Castle. Lil assal. Little asshole. Little asshole. It's actually the second week in a row where I did an asshole-based rhyme. Yeah. It's good. Keep it going for the rest of this.

For the rest of our career, if you would. I am an asshole. Hey, it's a little crassel if I'm being honest. Sorry about that. What? Come on. Merv, you can't boo the drunk. Coldwell over did it.

Bole over did it. Merv gets disadvantage on its next role for booing the drunkal. That's right. Minus 5 on everything. Before things get too crassel, how about a little recastal? I'm talking about a recap, folks. Yes, dear. I'm loving it.

Stop booing. Merv, every boo gets you, makes the D.C. higher for everything you want to do. That's minus 10 now. Oh, my God. I'm going to, yeah, I'm going to start doing demerits. Can you just put your. personality on ice for a minute.

It is icy. All right, folks. When last we met, you three had once again come face to face with Strad von Zarovich. But this time, instead of attacking, he switched tax and invited you to dinner at his castle instead. As he departed, Straud said he'd send his heliclopper to retrieve you in two days' time. Then he left Doru and his two vampire spawn henchmen to keep you busy while the druids completed their ritual at Yester Hill.

As the battle started, Esmeralda departed in the creeping hut so she could lead the crows and their attack against the Gothias tree. The vampire spawn, who turned out to be magic scholars and also extremely crassel, crass, attempted to capture Nyack with a bigbie's hand. But they were foiled by Jin's very real

and very cool flame-tonged sunsword. As the creeping hut began taking down the druids atop Yester Hill, you three attempted to free Doru from Strad's control using one of your garlic periaps, but were stopped by the remaining scholar. Nayak then unleashed the mimic living in his fishing pole, but was unable to control him and begged keychain to save him. Despite his difficulties, Nyak managed to get the pariap on Doru, forcing the remaining scholar to use his turn to remove it. Meanwhile, Onyx and Jins were having their own disagreement about which spawned to target, but came to an ultimatum

after the scholar butted in and started babbling about dark academia. Jins made quick work of him, and Onyx said goodbye to Doru with a sizzling holy water kiss. As a truce, Onyx then tossed Jins, Doru's golden eye patch, which promptly exploded. What the hell? As tensions flared, you made your way to Esmeralda's wagon and joined her on the battlefield just in time to see the creeping hut get squatted by one of the Gothias trees' huge claw-like branches. Coding your weapons in the remaining garlic oil you found in Alana's garden, you took the fight directly to the now weakened tree, who dreamed of destroying the winery, so that the

that he could grow awful tasting grapes the size of basketballs. Channeling the forces of nature itself, Onyx struck at the tree with lightning and flame and felled it once and for all. The remaining druids were crushed, and the twig blights crumbled to dust as the victorious Ware Ravens cheered. The winery was saved. As the celebration began, you three peered into the crater left by the tree and found a silver box engraved with a sunflower.

And that is where we are now. Dibs. Dibs for Jens. You pull this silver box out of the crater, all trying to get your hands on it. But before you can open it, you are lifted into the air by a flock of Ware Ravens and paraded back to the winery where the victory party is already in full swing. Stop, stop, stop. Hooray, Jins rules, kinder, yes. All the Ravens are like, they're carrying you, but they are just kind of like, pass. adding you jitly on your arms and just trying to be like,

good job, good job back there, good job. Okay, Yang, don't carry me from my underwear. You're giving me a gnarly wedgy. I could go for a wedgie. They give you a wedgie. They carry Nyack by the scruff of his neck. This is bullying. Come on, you're being razed.

You helped us so much. Nyack goes limp as he's helped like a kitten. I give up. The Ravens roughly carry you all the way back to the winery, and then they usher you into this huge workshop on the left side of the estate. Inside, you see Wairraven's dancing in vats full of crushed grapes, while a chorus of crows a jig from the raptors. After a moment, you see Davian elbows his way through the crowd and embraces you all in a big feathery hug. He also grabs you by the scruff of your neck.

Ow, Davian. Jens goes limp. Onyx's Jens goes limp and goes sympathetically limp. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, you guys are heavy. He picks you all back up and hands you each a glass of wine a yard tall and cheers as you as he says, Congratulations. You've saved the winery and have earned permanent board seats as well as a lifetime food distribution contract with the Wizard of Wines.

And as an additional reward, I have prepared a private glass blowing demonstration for you. Fuck! Oh my God! It's going to be hot. I told you guys. It's in the cell. I thought we were going to forget about this.

God damn it, Davian. You were saying all the right things when he gave us our board seats. Can I blow a yard glass for myself? Of course, yes. That is tricky, but I'm sure that Kesemir would be happy to instruct you. It is in the cellar, of course, where it is nice and cold. Our head blower, Kazimir, is down there now if you wish to visit him. The head blower?

Yeah. Signed me. Yes, the headblower. I would love to meet the headblower. I would love to meet a fellow headblower. I wink. Yes, it is a party. We should all laugh.

Yeah. Very fun. Great. Thank you so much, David, for giving us a class during the party. Also, there's no way you had time to make good wine. So I'm going to put this down. I put my glass of wine down. Yeah, there's a lot of feathers in mine.

Do not worry. We have tapped into our ancient. ancient stock, this is champagne du la stomp. The only wine not affected by the blight. So you could have given this to us before? So just the unhinged tasting that you chased us in the gardens that we had to do, that tasted like ash. You had another wine.

I will confess that tasting was more of a final litmus test for me to admit to myself that the wine was bad. You wanted a second opinion. I needed a second opinion and I did use you. That was crash. Yeah. It was a bit crassal, I admit. I used you as my guinea pigs. And I am sorry for that. But you know, now you are the prize pigs at the fair. And I will give you. Okay. You owe us a blood debt. What? You owe us a blood debt. You got to the four seats.

Yeah, the seats and the class doesn't even start to cover it. All right. Okay. Okay. Jesus. Do you want like to marry one of my children? That's a start? No. I want to at some point, call in a favor, said you, don't want to do and I remind you of the times that I did an unwanted tasting to be your second opinion and then you say okay fine I will do it okay all right I will settle for an equivalent blood debt for something of that level of inconvenience that's good I think we need yeah we need help relaunching spudfuckers honestly because we lost a lot of potatoes before oh yeah you could be our

sign guy sign guy we need someone to spin we need we need someone to spin this Oh, you get a crow for sputfuckers. Jenz thinks about it and whinces. Croix. Crow. Croatto. Protato. Protas.

Spudfuckers, come get your crow tatoes. I just don't think that makes a headache. Jenz gets a headache. I guess you'll be eating crow. Jenz gets an awful migraine. Okay, well, we do have extra land here. You know, we could start growing. throwing a crop of potatoes in addition to why.

Yeah, we can make a land deal. But look, my brother has a migraine. We should really get to this glass blowing class. Yeah. All right, yeah, let's go to a glass blowing class. Of course, I'll write this way. Do I need a shirt? You said it would be cold.

It is truly optional. It will be nice and toasties or a result of the glass blowing, but I think you will be comfortable. Oh, all right. I'm good. Have you ever worn a shirt before? I've never seen you wear one. I was going to try one for the first time.

You do you, man. You do you. So he leads you down a stone staircase and into a massive arched cellar lined on both sides with barrels and wine racks. As you enter, you see a balding wear raven in spectacles looks up from an ancient ledger. Ah, you must be the trin of aliens I've heard so much about. I am Adrian, eldest son of Davian. I assume you're here for the glass blowing demonstration. We're here to see if you're right for marriage. I'm kidding.

But it was floated. We have a blood dead. And so we could consider marriage. I think he was probably referring to a Lincoln Mirabell in Sorvia. I'm happily married, of course. To Claudia. You don't know how blood debts work to you. Is Claudia happily married to you?

Well, I like to think so. We've been making real progress in couples counseling. Okay, yeah. Just during the fight, you were down here, like, what, reading a fucking book or something? That's my job. And perhaps maybe I do dedicate myself a little too fully to my work. It could be said, but it is, you know, I am proud of the winery. What does Claudia dedicate herself to if you are so busy with work?

She's a... Yes, since you're not dedicating yourself to the marriage or to Claudia. Well, she mostly focuses on the wine stomping upstairs. She's always stomping in the vats. You're aloof. You're aloof. You're aloof. I can see that just by talking to you. You're super aloof.

What is Claudia's love language? Do you know? You don't even know, do you? Massage? If it's touch, you're down here touching Graeme? Reading books. You're not touching Claudia. She's touching grapes.

She's just been spending so much time with Elizabetha up in the wine vats that I assume that she didn't want a massage because she comes home so tired. Okay, she might be happily married because this might be a marriage of convenience. Listen, we're not here to discuss the state of my marriage. And how'd get my father. Your dad brought marriage into it. I had nothing to do with this. Yeah, Jen's is the one who said it.

He does. He pauses on Jen's for a second and kind of like lowers his glasses a little bit. And then shakes his head. No, no, no, no. Listen, if you want to do the glass blowing demonstration, you can speak with Casimir over there. He's all set up and ready for you. Also, do you guys got croca cola down here? Croca Cola?

Yeah. He like looks around as you say that phrase. and he says, Have you been speaking with Erwin? Yeah. Yes, we have. He's kind of the black sheep slash crow of the,

I guess all crows are black, so he's kind of the white crow of the family. Yes. I love that ballet. Me too, yes. He sent us. He said, go take whatever you can. He said to mention Croca Cola if we saw you.

I don't. So here we are. He mentioned, I heard Irwin shouting with my father about croca-cola but i don't think anything came of it um no he he hit it is that what the dream said oh wait okay he was having a dream because he wanted his dad to accept him it was all fake so he wants to make croca cola god we're a fucking loser erwin was always arguing with my father first he invented crocane and my father was said that that was a disgrace and then he said that he had a better product

called crocola but i don't know i mean you're welcome to search down here if you want but i will Okay. Yeah, we'll search. Yeah, can I start with your desk? I would rather you not. Can I start with your wife? How dare you? How dare you don't?

He slapped you with his hand, but his hand is made a feather, so he doesn't do anything. Ooh. Hello, fight. Curse these scholarly fingers. Yes, so you know from the Dream Journal that there is a secret entrance to Irwin's lab hidden down here. Okay. And then would I wrote, can I spatially like go back to the dream and try and imagine where the entrance would be? Yes. Now that I'm down here.

I will say that the descriptions were pretty thorough. So you can absolutely kind of like retrace the dream journal steps. I'll say that without even having to do a check, you see behind a rack of wine a secret door. There's a set of false barrels set into the wall. And when you twist the central tap of one of them, you hear a, And they creak open, revealing a small room overflowing with beakers, vials, and paper, all stained with a strange brown fluid. Oh. Ooh.

Nyack, go check it out. What's that brown fluid? I don't know. I have a deviated septum. I can't really smell anything. Maybe someone else should go in. I go in. Okay.

You head on in. You also see that in the corner there was a. steel cabinet lined with an insulated rubber. Going to be an investigation check. Can I give the help action to Alex? Yeah, yeah. I'll start yelling orders. Check over there.

18 on the die becomes in 18. 18. All righty. Yes. So you head over to a little desk and you read Irwin's notes and you discover the following. Inside the steel cabinet is the final remaining sample of croca-cola. It is a potion soda that can cast haste and fly on you for one minute. It does,

however, require concentration. There is more notes, but you can't really decipher them. It's all very technical stuff. Erwin seemed very proud of what he was working on here, but it is kind of like above your level as far as the beverage science is concerned. Yeah. Okay. Cool. So yeah, you have this one vial of crocacola um i say there's nothing here and then i pocket it what i pat onics down i submit to it immediately i grab the back of her neck like a like a mother cat to a kid as she goes slim i take the potion i go so limp that it just falls out of my pocket Okay. Yeah, so you were going to, what, steal this?

I just started to be fun to take it and pretend like it was my own ability. Okay. But what if we could all use it? I think it's only for one time. It's only for one time. We only just have the one for one person. Okay, is that real? I look at God.

Allow me to assess. the volume of this potion, key chain gives it a shake and says, yes, I believe it is only good for one usage. Yeah. Okay. So I was going to pretend that I was stronger.

I'll forget that you ever picked this up. And when you eventually use it, I'll pretend or maybe for real, be really impressed. Thank you. I really need that. I'm not going to do that, but you can hang out of the potion.

What potion? I hug. Nyack weeping. Jen has a I'm serious. Fear smigraine. It just like throbs again. We should really blow glass.

Yeah, you see that Adrian rushes in here. I had no idea this was back here. Oh my gosh. I've got to tidy this up. I need to take notes. I got to decipher all this. You guys do the glass blowing. I've got a lot of a ledgering to do.

Yeah, there's a lot of things you weren't to wear. Yeah. It's just like a real quick sweep from us. There was a whole door that you thought wasn't here and tried to talk a set of the king for. You're aloof. I'm not aloof. If you're missing an entire door in your office, what are you missing at home? Yeah.

What else am I not seeing? The signs that you are not seeing. Adrian kind of just like stares off into the middle distance. You hear him murmuring all those tennis lessons with Elis Abita. Just in case you can't get there She is cheating on you All right, let's go learn Just in case

Let's go learn glass ball You say that as Keychain closes him back in the solar We don't know if there's a door Handglones outside Good night No, it's okay I want to be alone, thank you

And then you guys walk over to Casimir Who's this mist elf With cloudy gray skin And a missing ear He's blowing on a long metal pipe shaping this glowing glass bottle with expert position.

I'm sorry, you are distractingly beautiful. Sorry, it's just doing my job, you know. Have we ever met a mist elf before? I don't know. Stunning. I believe that Reagan was a mistelph as well. Oh. Get away, get away.

Wait, wait, hold on, hold on. He, like, puts a hand on your face. Your mouth, it's perfect for blowing. What the hell? Honix faints. The blood goes exactly where you think it does, and she fades. Careful. You got to make sure that you conserve your energy and your air while you're blowing.

It's all about diet framework. I could show you if you like. I'm out, cold. What about my lips for blowing? She's out for a while. What about Nyax's lips for blowing? I recently got injections. They are very purple.

I'll say that. My lips are much too thin. Do you have lips? It's just like a line. It's a lot of teeth. Yeah. I guess like less lips, but your veneers are lovely. Thank you. I smile huge.

It might be tricky for blowing on the pipe, but you could give it a try. I'm all right. I'm going to be honest, I didn't want to come here at all. What? It's fair. It's a bit dank and dark down here. And it's, you know what, despite it being the cellar, it's getting kind of hot. I understand.

Yeah. It's hot. down here. There's a treasure that we left behind. And I'm really just itching to get to it. So, Nyack, if you could just hurry up and have this interaction. Well, we were assured that this would be pretty fast. Glassblowing doesn't take too much time. No, no, no. So let's just speed through it, I suppose.

I'm going to hold Onyx's legs up to try to get her blood circulating. Get the blood circulating her head again. I'm a detour. After this, we can open the silver box. I brought it with us. Do not worry. Oh, okay. Yeah, you see Keychain holds it up. I guess nobody else was going to do it, so I thought I would. Keychain, that's why you get the big bucks.

Wait. Do you guys get paid? No one talked to them. Keychain also stares off in the middle distance for a second. Everyone that wants to do the glass blowing demo, give me a constitution check and a slight of hand check. Okay. See how well you can blow and how well you can shape.

Fucking hell. 15 on my constitution. Constitution check. 18 on my sleight of hand. That's not bad, but I got a nine on my constitution and a two on my sleet of hand. Jentz is reading a Dean Kuntz novel in the corner. From the secret room, you hear Adrian say, Nobody better be reading my Dean Kuntz novels.

You have so much in common. No. So with a combined score of 33, I believe, Ony. You tell me what you try to make. Oh, I can make anything. I want to make a yardstick wine glass, but I want the bottom to be sort of like a baby angel with a butt. So it kind of accidentally looks like a bong. A baby bong?

Yeah, an angel baby bong. An angel baby bong? You craft this beautiful angel baby bong. It looks sort of like this like cherubic baby angel is like holding a massive trumpet. I look at everyone with a mischievous smile and say, oops. Monics? What are you? What is this?

You're just making bongs now? You're that type of. I was trying to make a yarm. of wine. Are you 15 years old? Like, what the hell is this? I messed up. You messed up.

Naek, what do you try to make? I think I'm going to try to make a glass monkey. Ooh, okay. Like the little monkey that I fell in love with. Oh, okay. Do you try to make like a rendition of piccolo? Yes, I'm trying to make my own piccolo. Okay.

You do a bad job. Yeah, I got it too. The filler makes it so I can't feel my lips. I'm not really able to engage with the horn. I don't have a secure connection. I don't think I'm blowing this well. So, yeah, you try to make a glass monkey, but I think it probably ends up looking more like a lumpy Tamagachi.

It looks like a turd. But Onyx, yours is exquisite. It's unclear how you did this, but there are like stripes of color in the glass, too. I was chewing gum. It's a gum that was stuck in the back of my throat. It interacted with the glass to make us well. Jeez, okay, we didn't get all that out.

You must have having a hard time breathing. That's why you keep passing out. This is incredible. I've never seen this technique before. Are you talking about minor hers? Yes, that's a good question. Are you talking about minor hair? Kizmere stands between you so that Nyak can't see what's going on.

I can't see anything. It's just, is this really your first time blowing? Are you talking to me? You're facing away. I can't totally tell. But it is. There's a trash can over there, mate, if you want to, like, get rid of your sample. Samples?

He hands you a certificate that says, I blew. Onyx freaks out because she wants one, too. Hey, thanks. Do you have another? Of course. You can't just give it out to your favorite student? Now, here's yours, and it's got a gold star on it. And it's actually one more thing for you, since you clearly know how to treasure.

glass objects. I want you to have this. I made it. I just was struck by inspiration and I thought that somebody could use it. What is it? He hands you this beautiful glass bracer.

And this is a magic object that will give you resistance on the next hit you take, but then it will shatter. Sick. That is so good. So she got voucher and Bracer and I have just the voucher.

Yeah, yeah. It was a good first attempt, you know, it's hard. You really got to walk on your long control. For sure. Jen puts a bookmark in his book and closes it. I was here for the class, so I should probably get a certificate. I haven't sold anyone because I didn't know how to bring it up,

but I used to be a saxophonist and I can do that special Kenny G. breezing. Really? Yeah. And it's never come up at all? It's never come up. I've always been a little embarrassed about how good I was at sexophone. If we got you. If we got you a sax.

If we get you a saxophone. Yeah, would you be able to show us? Yeah, maybe you could blow on Gens. What? Maybe you could play the Electrum flute that Nyack has. Oh, yeah. I could try, but I'm so used to like a read instrument, like a saxophone. Yeah, that actually makes sense.

But even if you just do it like decently, we'll know that you're amazing at Sacks. Okay. Yeah. Wait a minute. I'm remembering now you left your saxophone and Jens's car when it went to the shop. You are so right, Keychain. Oh, shit. That's so buttoned up.

Keychain winks at you. But it's a robot wink, so it's like, Z-Z-P-Z-S is super loud. Very obvious. Okay, let's crack open the chest that Keychain brought. Oh, yes. Here it is. Keychain holds up this ornate silver box.

And as you does, you find that once again, your Donflower pendant starts to vibrate. When you press it to the cover of the box, It swings open on invisible hinges, and inside you find an ancient leather-bound book titled The Tome of Strad. As you flip through the pages, you see years and years of the Olmas scholars attempts to catalog and collect data that could be used to defeat Strad. There's so much stuff in here.

There are diagrams of Castle Ravenloft, copious notes on Straud's personal history and weaknesses. And in fact, the more you read of this, the more you feel prepared for your upcoming encounter with the vampire lord. So much so that anyone wielding this tome gains a plus one to all saving throws made against strawed. Wow. What do you get if you're holding this? And Ike holds up the Dean Kuntz novel. A plus one to all saving straws against Dean Kunt. You don't know.

He could be in there. He could absolutely be in there. He's a master of thrills. He came here seeking something. Forbidden power. How do you think you got so good at writing thrillers? That's all adding up. Well, you guys got the certificate, so I'll take the book of Strauss.

I think that makes sense. Yeah, that makes sense to me. Yeah. Jenz has Tome plus certificate. Onix has Bracer plus certificate. Nyak has certificate. Nyak just try again to make something better. Sorry, that's actually the demonstrations.

I'm out of glass. No doubt. Nyak tries to dab him up. He's not looking, so you just punch him. Ow! Sorry about that. It was my glass blowing shoulder, you fuck. I didn't need to.

You maimed him. I'll never blow again. Are you serious? I'm so sorry. It was a total accident. That is honestly crazy that that just happened. Naya. What did you

I feel awful? What were you doing? I was the strongest death I've ever seen. I was trying to say, you yanked his arm out. I was trying to say I appreciate you, bud. Yeah. Yeah. I do feel like you're going to be able to do glass again.

I think like probably. I don't know. I just don't know. Yeah. Did he like aggravate an old injury? Like you jumped so quickly to. Yeah. Was it injured to begin with?

Is there a history? Repetitive stress. you know how it is. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, I'm just glad I got to lay eyes on your beautiful craft. Thank you. And you know what?

The lips that made it aren't so bad either. Thank you. I think that I lean in for a game. Jans and I, we can go here. No, is it still be quick? We can leave. Kazimir kisses you, but as a force of habit, he starts blowing into your mouth.

I inflate like a blow. Oh, sorry, sorry, I forgot. Okay, you actually aren't my type now, so you're terrible. Let's keep seeing. I grab on us by the scruff of the neck. I go limp. I carry. I go limp.

And I drop my angel bong, my baby angel bong, and it shatters everywhere. No! Actually, speaking of baby angel bongs, I had sort of a pitch for you guys. Yeah, it took to you. What do you guys think about just not going back for our friends? Who? Like the don't squad? We could either, like, write them a letter or we could ghost them.

Why don't we? We could give them the wrong day. Good them the wrong day for Stratz. Because, like, Marina's a liability. No matter how strong she gets. Yeah, she's going to be like, she's just going to be charmed. And she also is going to say, I must do this by myself. I must do this by myself.

I need to have the final blow. He's my story. I am the main character, which I do agrees that she is the main character, but isn't that also more reason to keep her alive? Yeah, exactly. So let's tell them the next day. Yeah, and then everything will just be tidy and nice.

We can just have a strad corpse and be like, Marina takes the final blow. I could use disguised self and disguise myself as strad and then let them tell me really but I guess you stab you? But Nyak, can you pretend to die convincingly? No, no, Nyak, walk us through that. So yeah, I'll just. disguise myself as Stratt.

I'll dress up in his clothes. Great. She'll try to. She'll stab me. She's not going to try to. She will. Yeah. Right.

And then I'll pretend to die. What would be pretend about it? Well, because, yeah, I guess I would die. Yeah. I would be dead. Okay. Yeah. For sure.

Yeah. But okay. What if we put sort of a really good armor on you while you are just as strad? Could you give me your best I'm dying impression? Oh, yeah. All right. So she stabs me. It doesn't actually hit the armor.

And then I said, but you have to sell. Right. You have to sell it. Yeah. And I would just be like, oh, my freaking, gosh, I'm, I'm dead now. That's good. I can't believe you killed me, Valerie. Her name is Valerie, right?

Yeah, for sure. Uh-huh. Yeah. And then I'd fall down, face first, gas in the air. And I'd let out one last final strad toot. Okay. That could work. Yeah.

Can I be Nyack while he's being strawed? Yeah. Sure, yeah. Nice. You can try. Yeah. Real nice, Keychain's lips inflate. Really nice. Kiss my well-defined ass. I don't really look like that, do I? Niac says clearly looking like that. So as you're all debating how best to fool Marina, you do see that. Esmeralda walks down.

She'd been hanging out at the party upstairs while they had the crows. And she says, hey, guys, I just heard that they need us back at Luna Lake. Yeah, like, we get a message from Markovia and everyone there. I think they, like, need us back there urgently. Need us? Yes, apparently. Yeah, they've got like. Are you sure it's not want?

They've got news. They need to share, apparently. Yeah, I don't know. It's something urgent. It was like marked urgent. I've got this letter from one of the crows that delivered it. They probably got fucking kidnapped or something. let's face it

I mean if they're kidnapped we don't need to go there yeah okay well you it okay so Esmerald we're gonna cut you in on something because you can like enchant people so they do like lightning damage and stuff

that's great yeah rock okay so when we go there we're gonna tell a fib that we're going to Strauss house in three days but that's not necessarily the truth

actually it's not even a fib We are going to Strads House in three days. We'll just also be there in two days. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Oh, we could say we'll be at Strads in three days. We'll be at Strad's in three days.

We'll be there. That's not even the film. That's great. Yeah. So you're invited to Zipari and they are invited to see after party. Here's the problem is like Markovia might be helpful if she can like do something. But it's like, it's just the other guys. It's just not working.

We can always sidebar Markovia and try to bring her in and tell her about the truth that we're telling everyone. Yeah, I think that's good. It's kind of like saying like, hey, we actually trust you. So that's kind of building a relationship. Let's make it like, okay, we'll make a game time decision. What if they're like, what if they got like really strong or something? Or there's like something.

The donk squad? Do we want to have, or no, I mean, the don't squad's not coming. If the don't squad got stronger than we did. The dog squad's not. I mean, the don't squad's not coming. Okay. But as far as Marina, do we want to have a code word? Maybe something about Deadpool and Baby Yoda.

Okay. Wait, did we use that? one already? We already used it, but like a different version of it. Yeah. So if we don't want to bring Marina, we say, I don't care to see Deadpool's take on baby Yoda. And if we do want Marina to come, we say, I'm really looking forward to hearing Deadpool's take of Baby Yoda. Okay. So I don't care to or I'm really looking forward to Deadpool's take on Baby Yoda. Negative Deadpool Baby Yoda, Marina's not coming. Positive Deadpool Baby Yoda, Marina is coming. Okay. Okay. This is going to be hard because like what if just like now it's on my mind so I might just be talking about

Deadpool of Baby Yoda right like what if it comes out naturally yeah I think we just need to pray it it doesn't come up yeah yeah we just if we are talking about it and just saying our actual opinions but we're not meeting it as code then we'll just be like by the way I really mean this yeah yeah that's smart I really mean this yeah we'll really focus on it because sometimes I feel like if you are thinking about something it's like almost like magic that other people are also thinking about it. So I'm afraid we're going to walk in on the conversation about. And they're going to be talking about baby yoga. That's true. We need to have a safe opinion that doesn't signal any of our intention. So if they ask us, apropos of nothing. And it just comes up naturally that we're talking about baby Yoda and Deadpool. We'll just say the code. Could be interesting. Could be interesting. Could be interesting. I'm not excited or unexcited. Could be interesting. That's great. Let's find out the important news I scoff and roll my eyes thinking about the donk squad. Okay, yeah, let's go see what they're up, too.

So as you put away your stuff, did your ride get fucked back? You got fucking totaled. It's dead. It's no good. I was like hoping we could like maybe use it to storm the castle. I guess we stole it to begin with. Yeah. Okay. So it's kind of like a, I mean, maybe we can take it to Jin's auto shop eventually. I don't know if they service creeping huts. Yeah, it's a little slow, but they do good work. You have to make sure you take everything out of the cars. Yeah, because they have to keep it for a while. True. Yeah, there's a saxophone in there. And yeah, you could be without your son.

Well, the Ravens recovered it, so maybe they can work on it in the meantime. All right, yeah, that makes sense. But yeah, so you guys ready to go? Do you have all your stuff? Before we leave, I'm just going to be planting seeds, both favoratively and metaphorically. I want to, I'm going to do a thing that gives me one of my pack. spells back. Okay. And then I'm going to use plant growth on our potato seeds. Oh. Okay. But this is just like, this is enrichment. All plants in half a mile radius centered on a point become enriched for 365 days. So basically, like, I kind of put fertilizer. That's incredible.

You plant these potato seeds and then you cast this spell and you see the grape vines growing there a tremble and shake, the grape bunches growing on them, transform slowly into big, bulging potatoes. Whoops. Vegetable of the vine. Okay, we need to get out of the here. I just do something totally wrong. You see, it's happening everywhere.

It's like taking over. It's like an infestation. Okay, you're about getting a celery now. Bye-bye. Davian, something weird happens. Yes, I heard. You have to get back to the hallowed ground. Yeah, for sure.

Okay, we'll talk business later. Thank you. All right, yeah. If any potatoes pop up, feel free to, you know, start getting those ready for spudfuckers. Okay, yes, we had had like a plot designated for potatoes. You cannot cross potatoes and grapes. They would poison each other's soils. Right on.

Make sure that you don't do that. We know that. Your brother was downstairs saying some weird shit. Oh, yeah. Brother, I saw him with a bunch of potatoes. Yeah, he had a bunch of potatoes. He said these are magic. He was obsessed with potatoes.

Yeah. He had just crazy ideas about potatoes. He was like, I don't ever touch my wife. I just touched these potatoes now. And I was like, why are you bringing that up? I think you're thinking of Adrian as opposed to earlier. My brother. It's okay.

There's a lot of crows here. It's hard. Sorry, yeah. So you guys quickly depart as you see grapes transforming into potatoes in the background. You load up into the wagon. And as you make your way towards the hallowed ground, Jens, you take one last look at the tome of strad, just try to prepare yourself for the dinner to come, and you find something extra in the back. You see there are a few pages that have been hastily glued in. You go to inspect these pages,

and you find an illustration of a gleaming bulb of silver garlic, as well as text written in a familiar hand. And as you read this text, a single shred of hope wriggles into your heart. written here. Do you have earthworm? Jens clutches his chest. I have a pill for that. Fuck. This is it.

It's the big one. This is the big one. He's so old. It was bound to happen soon. You feel your heart wriggling, whether from worms, stress, burnout, or perhaps just a sliver of possibility for a better world in Borovia.

Because written here on this page are the words, the recipe for curing vampirism. Okay? You read on and see that Alana has solved it. She has included these notes in the Tome of Straud passed down through her order, the Olmest, and you see that on this page are the instructions. Here's what you'll need. To cure a vampire, you must place a bulb of purallium ore directly in their mouth

and then place them in their coffin or final resting place alongside an item they treasured in life. Next, you have to close the coffin and perform a ritual of purification. Additional bulbs can be used to make the ritual easier. As long as you have one bulb, though, the ritual will succeed, but if not performed perfectly, complications can arise for those involved. This is all speculation because she hasn't had a chance to test it yet, But this is her best guess as to what would happen if you tried to use these bulbs to cure a vampire.

So you pour over this new information as you rattle down the trail. What does it say that the purification ritual is? You get the sense that it would be almost like a seance, sort of like trying to call somebody back into their right mind and their right body, purifying the vampirical elements and restoring the soul. Do we have any objects that belong to Strad? Well, I feel like we're not going to cure Strad, right? We're just going to kill him. Strad is kind of the granddaddy vampire of Barovia.

Like if we kill him, do Ozzy other ones de-animate? You're not sure. But you know how to cure a vampire. You could certainly attempt to cure Strad. It might be the ultimate insult to him. But I will say that Strad is slightly different since he is sort of the elder vampire. Is there another vampire? Is there another vampires that we want to try to cure?

Oh, yeah, Duru, I think. And then I go, oh, fuck. No, Duru, I think Duro would even more elders than Strath. True. He had that cool exploding iPad. That was all Duru's idea. All right, yeah, I guess if we meet someone we like, we can save them. Yeah.

Or if one of us turns into a vampire. Yeah? Unless we really like being a. a vampire. Oh yeah. No, if you guys, if I turn into a vampire, you can put me in a coffin with this. I hold up my little mound of glass that I blew. Oh, because that means so much to you?

It's the object I treasure. Did you get said that, like, a recycling waste plant? Next, dagger's back. I blew this with my own lips. I blab with my filler. I think they are infected. The filler is not settling, right? Not you too, Onix.

I just see it moving around. Yeah, is it supposed to move like a lava lamp on your face? They said that would stop after a few days. Okay, all right. Well, this is helpful if, you know, we're going to be in Strad's Castle. Maybe we get turned into a vampire. We can cure ourselves. Maybe one of Strad's minions is cool.

Yeah. Yeah. It's always good to have this in your arsenal. I've never seen anything like this. And, you know, Leo and I have been hunting vampires and the undead for a long time. This is a big breakthrough. So let's keep it safe. Okay.

Keep it in our back pocket. Okay. So you stare at these silver bulbs as the magic wagon rumbles down the trail and back towards the serene waters of Luna Lake. This episode of Nadpot is brought to you by IQ Bar, our exclusive snack, hydration and coffee sponsor, IQ Bar Protein Bars, IQ Mix, Hydration Mixes, and IQ Joe Mushroom Coffees are the delicious low sugar brain and body fuel you need to win your day. All IQ bar products are clean label certified and entirely free from gluten, dairy, soy, GMOs, and artificial ingredients. The

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From a distance, you see the moon dancing playfully on the water's surface. But as you get closer, the moon is eclipsed by the rapidly materializing form of a spectral island, a top of which stands, Tudors. The multi-turreted, whitewashed W-frame McMansion, which you and your allies call home. Wow. I forget that we made it, and I'm like, who lives there? It's so beautiful The architecture

The clean lines The neon lights What are you thinking not coming back here Yeah we need to come back here Just to evict everyone We should kick everyone out This is my house As you cross the bridge

Connecting it to the shore You do see Udo and the donk squad Doing push-ups And in the house you hear the practice Clashing of Swords But before you can go inside or talk to Udo, something else draws your gaze. On the far side of the Tudor's parking lot,

you see a barrel-topped wagon painted in garish colors. Warm light leaks from within, casting an orange glow on an ornate sign that reads, Madame Ava's fortunes and mortions. Oh. Parking is not free here. I don't know what you're doing. You see there are several tickets plastered onto the side of the waxen.

From within the canopy, you hear a voice cackling, almost as if in response to you, Nyack. Oh, good. You've come. Please. Come in, come in. We have much to discuss. Okay, but first we do have to put a boot on your wagon. Yeah, we're just going to put a boot on it. I understand. I'm not going anywhere. I'm right where I need to be. Okay. Okay. I put a boot on the wagon. Not so rough though

Geez Jen's is really good at putting a boot on the car Because that was surgical Damn, that was fast I do it all the time I buy my own boots You just do this as a pranked people No it's not a prank

It's just if I decide they did a bad job parking I boot them It is that sort of ingenuity That will be tantamount In helping you defeat Strad So you go out enter the wagon and you find Madame Ava seated at a small table

surrounded by silken pillows. Stubby candles burn on each corner of the table, illuminating a pile of gold-trimmed cards which she absent-mindedly shuffles. So yes, as I mentioned, I have urgent news to share. I've

come here at the request of Ismark and his town guard. During one of their patrols of the areas surrounding Barovia village, they made a horrifying discovery. Stroud's forces have marched on the ruined village of Berez and claimed it as their stronghold. Ismark fears that the vampire spawn who dwell there pan to march on Borovia and asked me to gather allies to help defend it. First, I headed to Velaki, but found it in a state of a disarray.

Yeah, all was not well. Yeah. Yes, indeed. All was not well and more so. I saw that there were. was just a massive plume of smoke in the place where the abbey was. But luckily my trip was not in vain, for my old friend Blinksey had something remarkable to share. Or perhaps, I should say, someone. She whistles and you hear a shrieking noise and a curtain rustle as Piccolo the monkey leaps over the table and into Esmeralda's arms. You will not stop trying to make me a dreadway.

So persistent. You see the monkey looked at you very seriously and then bows his head and signs something with his hands. And Esmeralda says, he's done some growing and thinking. Really? Okay, Nyack, actually green light. I think he's like a different monkey than he was last time we saw it. He's an apologetic little cutie pie. I feel like we've, you know, crafted sort of a narrative around him that's not necessarily there, right?

I had a pretty profound dream. Okay. What did I get a migraine again? What did Piccolo do, Madame Ava? Ah, I believe Piccolo decided to come with me because he has a message to deliver. Specifically a message for you, dear. She points to Esmeralda. Fuck.

The monkey chirps loudly and then suddenly glowing glyphs up here all over his body. He coughs as if something's stuck in his throat. You see Ezrault like waxes back a few times. Get it up, buddy, get it up. And then eventually you see Piccolo hacks up another scroll, much like the one that he hacked up when you stuck that key in his mouth onyx. Disgusting. Esmerelde unfolds the scroll and you see words written in a cramped hand.

They say, Es. I'm alive and being held somewhere in Castle Ravenloft. They removed my cuffs only when they need my spellwork, so my time is limited and heavily observed. I'm risking much by pinning this message. But if you're reading this, please rescind my previous instructions and come get me the hell out of here. Signed, your mentor, Leo. P.S. Bring Piccolo. Oh!

You see Esmerlda's hands. Trimble a little bit as she reads this. I knew it. Leomond, my master is still alive. He's somewhere in Ravenloft. We have to get him. We have to find him. Okay, yeah. He sounds powerful this too. Yes, he's a great wizard.

He would be a great help to us, and I believe he misses his monkey greatly. Okay. Well, Piccolo's going to decide who he wants to live with. Piccolo's a grown-up. He apologized for himself, and he can make his own decisions. Because he's welcome to stay at tutors. Now, go and give me an animal handling check as you try and interact with Piccolo here. That is, do I add anything?

Do I add anything? Okay. That's a 14. 14? Okay. You put your hand on the back of Piccolo's head and try to pet him. And he bristles a little bit and goes, but then softens, slouches his shoulders a little bit, and allows you to stroke his back.

There you go. I pick a little bug out. out of his fur. He seems to be softening to you. Again, this is a monkey who's trying to grow, who's trying to change. Definitely jumped right from Piccolo into your hair. I don't know if you saw that. Or was it lice? Do we have to treat you for lice now? You do not. I have had lice for a long time. Piccolo can groom me. I grew up amongst apes. I know what I'm doing. This is very true, Nyack. You recall your time in the ranaphore. And you've definitely picked a few lice out of a monkey's hair. You see the piccolo just like scurries up along your back and starts chowing down.

And you guys start grooming each other a little bit. Wow, more than I thought, to be sure. As you do this, Ava giggles knowingly and then shifts your focus to this crystal ball that she has on the center of the table. I must show you what is going on at Beres. She moves her hands around this ball and you see a vision of this town that you haven't been to but you know is where Marina's adopted mother, Alana, came from as well as all of the Ole Miss scholars. You see this town that was once beautiful and full of libraries and temples dedicated to knowledge has been burned to the ground and has transformed into a wasteland of death and decay overrun by vampire spawn and undead.

God clearly plans to distract your allies, so they cannot storm the castle while you dine with him. It is a shrewd gambit, and unfortunately one we must accept. But just because we play the game does not mean we must lose, for there are many cards left to be drawn. Indeed, as the day approaches for you to meet your destiny with Strad, I think it is time we determine your ultimate fates. How would you feel about drawing one more card from the deck of the Taraka? Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Very good. I just got my nails done, so it's kind of hard for me to grab a card. So Jen's just going to grab my card. Well, that would probably go against the whole destiny thing and everything, so you probably should just do it. Fine.

Right? Yeah. I can just hold the cards up for you and show you what you got. Yeah, just make it easy for me. Your nails look awesome, by the way. Thank you so much. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm at Mata Mava. We're actually kind of psyched on like everything that's happening because like we don't care that much about our allies. You know what I mean? So if they can't come to the castle, that's actually honestly helpful for us. Convenient that they've got like something else to do. Exactly. We love that for them. Indeed. Yes, I think that Udo and the Dong Squad and the Wera Ravens will be well served storming against Perez. Ismark has grown much since you departed and I think he would be a valiant leader of the forces. Yeah, I mean, I agree to disagree, but like your title to your opinion. We must know different is, Marks.

Does he have clothing? What's he, what's he wearing? Yeah, what's he been wearing? What's he been wearing lately? My brother has all of his stuff. It was very funny. He went to look in his closet and found it bare. But then he swallowed his pride and he began wearing his father's clothes,

trying to fill them, as it were. Wow, you set him up for a minute. That's a poor, Jen. That's kind of poetic. That's what I was trying to do the whole time. Jenz gets the best out of people. Not always the way they want. People want to please you.

I do not know why. Some things are unwritten in the stars. Yeah. For sure. Totally. 100%. 100%. Too true.

Now, how about that card reading? Yeah. Let us see what awaits you in Straud's Castle. I hastily grab one. This is the high deck of the Taraka. It is reserved for momentous fortunes. I do not know what awaits you in Stroud's castle, but these cards will give you a clue.

She starts shuffling this Taraka deck as you guys all take seats on the pillows around her, and she looks around the room. Why don't everybody roll initiative to see who goes first? 19. 18. 16. Losers!

So she starts with you, Jens. And as she looks you over, she fishes for something in the back of the wagon and holds it up. And you see it is the blue lantern that you found in the mud at the beginning of your journey into Borovia. Hey, it's my lantern. Indeed. I hope you don't mind that I borrowed it.

Jens. Your desire to build a fast, casual restaurant empire in this land burns bright, but a candle that burns too long, eventually burns out. You must become like the black candle inside your magic lantern, powered by a petty darkness, but never consumed by it. Inside Castle Ravenloft, you will find the fuel that sustains this inner fire and you will find it. She pulls a card and you see that it has a ghost holding a lantern on it.

Ghost? Yes, you will find what you seek. The fuel for your fire behind the portrait of Strad's darkest regret. The lantern will lead you there. I see it now. Okay, darkest regret That is Tatiana There's going to be a Tatiana portrait Or his brother, right?

He killed his brother Although I don't know if he has a regret about it Because he's kind of a jerk Can you just tell us What painting is? You have all the information you seek If you need to learn The Mind of Strad

Then look no further Than the tome that holds his truths Or maybe it's in my Dean Kootz novel that one's a real page turner wow as you look at this card with this ghost holding a lantern floating above a rippling pool of water you do recall reading something in the tome of strad as you were paging through that focused on strad in the days after killing serge and drinking his blood and the sort of uncertainty and the kind of pained howls that were heard emanating from the balcony of Castle Ravenlaw.

Okay, so then it probably is Sergei. Okay. Now you have your card, Jens. We move on to Nyack. Hey. Nyak. You have become a hunter of shadows, stalking through the gloom in search of something unseen.

But after watching your journey, I have come to understand what it is you truly seek. Your desire to befriend Bluetooth, tooth, your fascination with nets and fishing holes. Such a fucking moron. It all points towards one truth. You seek a shadow of your own. A companion to comfort and confide.

Perhaps that companion lies directly above you. Perhaps it is scratching your head and picking lice from your scalp as we speak. But it is yet to be seen. If you wish to know the truth, this card shall. be your guide. What is it? She pulls out a card titled Don John, and you see that it has a picture of a prison cell. Fuck!

Is that bad? It's really bad. I'm like going to jail? He's going to jail. Oh, my God, Nyad. I can't believe. Can I have your bow? You're not allowed to just like eat bugs off monkeys and stuff.

That's like, I didn't know it was bad at least diseases. And I didn't mean to maim the glass blow. Yeah. It's all coming back to me. Yeah, onyx, you can have my bow. You do honestly need to be put away. I'll make sure it's mostly intact when you get out of jail. When will I get out, lady? I don't know that he's going to get out. I do see a dungeon in your future. But for how long? Whether you are meant to be contained there? And for how long I know nuts, but I know that your destiny awaits you. I get a phone call. I know that like bail. I think it's like paid back. But like,

I'm not going to cover your bail. No, and I know that. Okay. And I know that. Let me delve further. Let me see what I can see. She stares at the card and something catches her eye. There is a set of manacles dangling from the ceiling.

Yes. You'll meet someone in this dungeon. Someone close to the monkey. Someone the monkey knows. Someone the monkey cares about. Oh, yes. I'm not saying that you don't belong in jail. That remains to be seen.

You need to switch places with Leamond and take his, yeah. Leamont is your lawyer. Okay. So I have to free my lawyer from jail so Leamond can represent me in court. Yeah. Because how can I get off and get out of jail if I don't have a lawyer presenting a defense? That makes sense. That makes a lot of sense.

Thank you. Thank you, lady. It's true. As good of an interpretation as any, honestly. Good luck on your quest. And now we come at last to Onyx. Hi. Hello.

Are you good? Do you need anything? No, I'm good. I just need a card. But I can't pull it myself. A card you shall have. You're scratching my table. I just made them so sharp to intimidate strad,

but they're so painful to like wipe and stuff. Go on. What do they have written on them? I can't make it out in the dark. Bad bitch. Oh. Onyx, you have become a bad bitch during your time in Borovia. You have faced many beguiling temptations.

First, you gave up your phone and were reborn. Then you rejected the dark call of the boy mom, as well as the alluring path of the CEO. You have done well, but one final test awaits you. To become a true grills grill, you must find the remnants that dwell in Ravenloff's Amber Vault and face their dark judgment. Okay. This card shall give you guidance on your quest. And she pulls the Raven card.

You see a giant raven, um, a lit by a full moon. Ooh. She focuses on it. Yes. Yes, I see. He was a bastard all along. Trader, he was a tree. I'm seeing it now, yes.

The mother, the mother of ravens. She can tell you more about what lies inside the vault and how best to approach it. Seek the mother of ravens somewhere in Castle Raven loft. Oh, inside Castle Ravenloft. Indeed. Is it like Davian? and Adrian's mom? This is the mother of all ravens, I fear.

Okay, so she has a lot of authority. Yes. Okay. This perhaps could speak to an ancient ancestor of Davian or someone perhaps even older. Okay, so we have to find the mother of ravens. Okay. And she would be able to tell you about what awaits you inside the Amber Vault and where you might find it in strong.

Castle. Okay. Indeed. I hope that these cards can guide you through the castle, for it is labyrinthian and grand and many dangers lurk within. But for now, you must rest. Tomorrow you will have a full day to prepare before Straud's Heliclopper comes to claim you. Two days, I, um, side eye. Oh, two days, was it? Two days, two days. Two days.

We have a couple days. Yeah. Spreads a word. Okay, I must have misheard on the wind. Yes, two days, it seems. Okay, well, regardless, you have time to prepare, but for now I suggest you sleep and find what awaits you in the morning. And she bids you good night as you make your way across the Tudor's parking lot and into the mansion. You see that everyone else has already retired for the evening.

It's quite late after attending the long party with the Ware Ravens and then having this fortune red. The moon is high in the sky. It reflects off of the extremely white paint of the W-frame mansion. Yeah. It's like Gallery White. It's really stark. Has anybody broken an angel statue? You go inside and the house is just in fucking smithereens.

You see the angel statues everywhere. More have risen up to take their place, but the floor is a minefield. Wow. Donk Squad is getting evicted. So as you walk into the house, you do see that Markovia, the ghost of the Abbey, is the only one remaining awake. She is slowly trying to sweep up some of these shards, but she's still not great at using her ghost body. And a lot of times she just sweeps right through them. Ah, yes.

Caught in the act. Hello, you have returned. Yes. Your student has done well. She will be ready for whatever challenge you deem appropriate. Yeah. We're kind of unsure about the Deadpool movie that's coming and, you know, his take on Baby Yoda.

So I guess we were just kind of wanting to know like what, where's she at? Like is she looking like she could be charmed easy? And like is she just going to like swing swords at us? Like, how are we looking? Yeah, because Strat is definitely going to just charm her. Yeah, so she's going to get charmed, probably. I will say that during her time here, she has grown and has master the sword, but she understands that your place in the story is not always where you wish to be.

She will accept whatever decision you make, for she knows that her blade can be used in many ways. Is she good at, like, in between her turns? hiding behind the pillar and plugging her ears and then just popping out for her turns and then hiding again. Yeah, can she do earmuffs? We have worked at Duck and Weave, yes.

Okay. But, as you know, a force gathers in Berez. If you wish for her to lead the forces alongside her brother Ismark, she would gladly go. I guess I just know that Deadpool is going to weigh in on Baby Yoda. They're going to comment on Yoda in some way.

Do you think that they're going to give him like a little Deadpool costume to wear. Oh, that would be cute. That would be very cute. Yeah, that's possible. Yeah, Yodapool. And I think I'm, I'm open to Deadpool's interpretation. I, bordering on excited to see the film. Yes. Yeah. If you guys, and I'll, I'll take responsibility for buying the popcorn at the movie. Okay, yeah, but we agree like the donk squad can't come see Deadpool. No, no, no, yes, no. They're going to berets. Their ass is going right to to Berez. Don't worry. Okay. The Dong Squad, the Weir Ravens, I've spoken with Madame Eva, they're going, their ass is going right to Perez to fight vampires bomb. As long as you've practiced

earmuffs with her, then I can be looking forward to it just because I just, we know exactly what's going to happen. We've done this twice. We know how it goes. Yeah. Can she fight with earplugs? Yes, she has practiced fighting blindfolded and with earplugs. That's cool. That's really cool, actually. We have trained in ways to hide her from Stroud's charming gaze. Okay. Okay. You know, Deadpool seems fine. Let's, okay.

I heard the last one was pretty good. Yeah. I know I hear a lot of people like it. A lot of people like that stuff. Some of my favorite basketball players have Deadpool tattoos. Okay. Yeah, I think I'm looking forward to hearing Deadpool's take on baby Yoda?

Okay. Yeah. Wow. Okay. Wow. Yeah? Is everyone... Me too. Let's do it. Okay. Cool. Yeah. All right. You see in the corner a little Baby Deadpool angel winks at you.

Yes. Always breaking the fourth wall. You have shown much growth beyond just your skill here by accepting this. And I think we are all very excited to see what happens when Deadpool meets baby Yoda. Now let us rest for tomorrow. We must prepare.

It's a good thing that we are excited about Baby Yoda in the next Deadpool movie because Markovia seems to have like, she knows our schedule. And it would have been really awkward. But did you hear what the fortune teller said? She heard it

from the wind. So the wind has been gossiping about us. The wind is tattling. The wind is a fucking tattle-telling. What else is the wind? I swing wildly at the end. Stop hiding, you, Narc. A leaf flies in your mouth.

Oh, it's too powerful. We yield. So you guys head to your rooms in the Tudor's Mansion. You see these beautiful four-poster beds just lousy with baby angels. They all watch you creepily as you sleep. I'm comforted by that. And in this hallows,

Fortress, your dreams are safe against Straud and his intrusions. So you sleep peacefully and then you awake the next day. You have a full day to prepare. So if there's anything you want to do, let me know. As the day starts, Marina rushes over to you excitedly and says, Swordmaster, Bo, brother, my sweet grills grill. I'm actually an onexpreneur now. Onexprinur. Wow. Yeah. I don't know if I've said that before, but I've been thinking about that for a while. Wow, you've been sitting on a heater like that, incredible. I think it's gum up. Is it true what Madame Eva says?

That I'm going to jail? Yes. But I think I have a good lawyer who's going to be able to get me out as long as I can get him out. So don't worry. We're escorting Nyack to jail. I had heard that you were going to dinner with Stroud, but also jail is involved? Yes. Yeah.

Yeah. There's a jail at Strad's house. Right. That might be after dinner. I'll go to the jail after dinner. I'm not really sure when I go to jail, but I will be. I think it's like a last meal situation. So this is our chance, is it not?

We can strike the devil in his own house? Yes, that's the game plan. Okay, I promise you, I will do what I can to avoid Storat's charms. I have practiced ducking and weaving. Yeah, that's good. ...blindfold to avoid his gaze. Because, Marina, I agree that you're the main character of this story, but you just have to stop getting charmed by it.

We can't have every, we can't always have you getting charmed by Strad. So the way, so I want you to have the killing blow. It's freaking annoying. That's what I want, right? But you need to hide until that can happen, right? Okay, I will seize my moment. Okay. Yeah, do you remember like when we were in the burning building and you were like, I need to go back and fight?

Right. And we were like level four. Yes. So like that stuff, no. No good. Cut that shit right out? No. Markovia has told me the same thing.

Yeah. Just like anything you've ever done, stop. Much like the Deadpool movies, comedy is all about timing, and I've learned to wait for my time. There you go. I can't wait to see some new you in action. We heard such good stuff about you. Oh, thank you. Oh, you spoke with Markovia. Yeah.

Oh, wonderful. Yes. She has worked me hard these past few days, and I believe I've honed my blade in the way that will help you all. I can't wait to see it. Yes, I cannot wait for our dinner with destiny. Do you have like an outfit for dinner? Oh my God, I did not even think about that. We should all look like shit. Oh, as a power move?

Yeah, as a power move. Oh my God. Yes, because like who's actually has the power, right? It's like when Adam Sandler rolls up to the red carpet, that guy's comfortable in his own skin. Let's all just like Adam Sandler. Let's go Sandler with it. Okay. Shopping trip.

Shopping trip. We're getting basketball shorts. Let's do a montage where we're. We all just like Adam Sandler. Yeah. Nyak gets a pair of mesh shorts that go down to his calves. You spend the whole day searching through the closets of the McMansion to find Adam Sandler-esque fits. Cool.

You guys look like absolute shit, but in a really curated way. As you're getting your outfits together, you see Udo and the Donk Squad depart for Borovia Village alongside a cadre of Ware Ravens. you bid them farewell. And then you sleep once more. And as you do, you feel rested. You feel comfortable in your nice, loose-fitting, sandler clothes, your sandler style. Let's just go sandman.

In what we're sleeping in. Yeah. Yeah. The shirts are so comfortable you can sleep. And then you've got your sandler swag. I'm not wearing a shirt. You feel inspired. You feel ready.

And you are now level seven. Ooh. Yes. Level four spells, baby. So you wake up the next day, refreshed. Your clothes not even wrinkled because they're so fucking loose. And as the red sun rises on your hallowed fortress on the day of destiny, the day of your dinner, you see Madame Eva standing by her wagon to see you off.

She clasps your hands and says, Before you depart, do you still have those inspiration cards I gave you? They didn't prove too useful, did they? Oh, so one said if I, we can get an advantage, but someone gets advantage on us? Yes. Okay. I did use mine. I have mine still.

I have mine still. Perhaps allow me to alter them slightly. Okay. Wait, give me a new one, though. Oh, of course, yes. She could. Jens, she gives you a new one. She waves her hands over the cards, and they begin to shimmer with this like rainbow

iridescent light. And now they will function as just normal heroic inspiration. You each get one for your final encounter with Straught. Hell yes. Let the cards guide you. Best of luck. May you finally put an end to this curse. And as you accept these cards,

you look to the sky and you hear the faint galloping of hooves and the singeing of air and ozone. As bocephalus, the horsebone heliclopper, descends. It lands right outside the hallowed fortress and snorts loudly. In the cockpit, the wild-eyed pilot flicks a switch and the ribcage door slides open, revealing a pulsing organic interior. Don't be scared, Piccolo. This is fine.

I bring a beach towel and I put a beach towel down before I say it. As you're bored, everybody gave me a quick perception check. Cool. Dirty 20. Ooh, okay. 24 as well. With those high rolls, you notice two things. Number one, the seatbelts are intestines.

I don't use my seatbelt. I use it. Gross. And second, as you load in, you notice that the pilot's eyes briefly linger on Marina. It's hard to read her expression due to the red scarf covering her mouth, but her eyes are squinting as if she's focusing, trying to recall something. Can I look deeper at this pilot to see if it's like Marina's mother as a construct or something? Onyx, as you go to do that, she shakes her head, pulls the lever, and the ribcage door starts to close, and you rush to find your seat before the heliclopper takes off into the sky.

Okay. And as you're settling in, you realize that the cockpit and the passenger chambers are separated, much like they would be in a standard nobleman's carriage. The heliclopper grunts and ascends when you hear a loud, accompanied by a blaze of heat as the heliclopper shifts into the ethereal plane. You peer outside the window and see a pale, photonegative realm zooming past you at alarming speed. Then there's another burning flash, and you find yourself in the courtyard of Castle Ravenloft. From atop the high walls, stone gargoyles stare at you out of their hollow eye sockets and grin hideously. Behind you, a rotting wooden portcullis, green with growth, hangs above the entry tunnel.

And ahead, you see the main doors of Ravenloft stand open. A rich, warm light spills from within, flooding the courtyard. Torches flutter sadly and sconces on both sides. of the open doors. And further in, you can just make out the faint notes of beautiful,

haunting music. And that is where we will end our session. Woo! Baby. It's dinner time. In dinner time, man. Oh, boy.

Has to go to jail. No, no, no, goes to jail after the preface. Oh, after dinner. Yeah. We're after appetizers. Folks, I am so excited for you guys finally to be a castle Ravenloft. It's all been leading to this. Got a lot of fun stuff planned.

I'm excited to talk more about the cards and your card reading and also like just how you think this is going to go. But we will be talking about that on our short rest. Which you can listen to it Patreon.com slash Nadpaw. That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D. We are. I wish you wouldn't be seeing it. I really, I really wish. We have some live shows to plug.

We're going to be live at Sydney Opera House. in Australia. So grab tickets for that now before they sell out. We've also got just a few tickets left for Radio City Music Hall in New York on April 10th. A scant few.

So check out Nadpod.com slash live. Get tickets now. Do it, do it, do it. Sweet. And you can follow us on social media that we may or may not use at C.H. First me at Colis Caldwell. At a XR's Emily and at Jake Hurwurst's Jake. And you can talk about the show online

using hashtag Nadpod. That's NEDD-D-P-O-D. We are the... Youth of a nation, we are, we are. The Youth of a nation. It's the end of the show, and you know what that means. It's time to shout out our benevolent council of elders, starting with Brad D. Jeffrey S. Lord of the Fjord.

Later, McS. Matt M., Cutter W., Daniel G., Danielle the Dastardly Dame, Carpe Liam, Victor T. Balnor's boy. Hoyd's friend, Justin I, Danny Danster, T.J.M. Chele the Crayfei. Droghy, now you have to say it. Jordan L. Cyborg version of Josh the Cobold. Targat. Stevie Wags.

Hellish rebuquer, the NBDM. Ph.D. Jack L. Nicholas C. star of every film ever made in Bohumia. Mike H. Elkish Meltzer Plus. Great value Gemma, Tyler F, Acupacro, so habit fuck detective.

Timmy R. Jake's jerk jelly, hashtag CCC. Terrence J. Cass, skateboard, cast. Stephen C's drunk monk says, Honor the cork. Nick W., Nico, the underpaid English teacher, William W., Big Bad Beard of the Mad,

an Norema, Percivil Frederick Stein von Musel Glasowski de Rollo the 3rd J. Dragonborn, Guardian of the Vibe, honoring the cock. Impressive Dongle. Ben A. Dave H., not that Nick. Danny F. H., H., Big Bad John, D.P.C. is awesome. Brand new wife. Congrats.

Shone. machinery mechanic of Zobudar. Summer Rose, Grand Terre. Mark, the Dark Lord's taint. Cat C. Mesa of House and Zunza. Ariel, the occasional mermaid. Selina and Valaci Raptor.

B. Perky, always. Pat L. Lauren H. Serve 16. Annie the Faywild therapist. Parogi Frenzy. Bioquirt 7. Bean rat was innocent. Treb Hopdropper, Jack H, King of the Mole People, under Iron Deep, dressed in blue and fighting his way through a bracket, style, tournament,

Valen, Paj, the bitch and bunny bard, druidic Peyton, Carlin C, Omerie M, Noah the Gentleman Fister, hashtag Honor the Cock. James G. Everything Bego, the Eladron, who just wants to hang out with his pet, Badger, Stripey, Reverend Chatterbones. Han, Eric B, Marcos, PhD, eventually, learns the balance druid. Frida M. Maggie, Holly the Green Laughing Haina, Papa Bambino in Chanos, Grim Waller, Executive Chef of Bohumia, Bud Heavy, Russell H, Cody Care, Lorelei, the succubi, and Kara the succulent snack. Your friendly neighborhood,

yawn and uncle, Andrew, and sit. Don't skip over Thanksgiving, and John Adams loves it. James F. Wayfarer now has to do something with the trolls. Get rid of them, turn to page 42, keep them turn to page 69. Christopher J.

Oreo. Barpo, Goodbarrel, Bart Barbarian, Charlie's Brown's best friend, Renee, the monster captain. Olivia the enchanting bard and Jared the soap opera cleric who are prepping an epic playlist for the final battle. Blue Ash, Fico, J. K-Guard, Fancy, Mast. The sugar-bum fairies are out caroling. Happy Hogleteys. Cantrip Dumbledore, the bear onesie wearing barbarian.

Lexi H. MJ, the BFG. Roger L. No, drug, the pass a fist. Barbarian. Brian L. and Eric B. 2. Running Buds. Jean-Lucca. Leon K. Legendary Hero of Bohumia from a future campaign. Shananagan's O'Connor. Meos the Great. Joshua S. Alexander. Lins W. Sky the Wise, aka the lone dungeon master, the spudfucker himself, Johnny Dude Kay, the mischief of Nadpods familiar's. Pavu Escanar, the Goliath Paladin providing service with a smile. Jake, well, Murphaly.

Tim M. Dragon Knight 86. Richard Strungle, the main event. T.R. MLG. Cheeto. Shelby Kenna's first favorite Sprite girl finished her C2 Re-listen. Shout out to what an incredibly gorgeous story campaign it is honk. Jet S. Snailess the Eldritch Snail. Buggy's Buds, Best Botanicals in Baj, Humia, and Bayon.

Stormy 52, Mimaw Sky Days, Megan N, Anthony B, Belnor's best friend Steve, Stephanie of House and Zunza. Benjamin A. Gimley the Corgi, Papa and Foster's K-9 friend. Mickle A. S-tier, Crickwater, Joyer. Josh, hold. Violet of the Nightmare vs. Flight. The two crew blew through. Ethan, the soon-to-be-married.

Mailman! Congrats on Big Ups on your upcoming ups. Maple, the shy bookworm. Nick A.J. Ashesaurus. Seth, the stroker, bearer of a holl hog-related burdens. Billy Batson. Tori the tungsten drogoose left with a warehouse full of Grinch, blow-up dolls after Emily and Murph skipped.

their lives pick up. Hey, no. Michael Lyle asked the second, Carl B. Plummer of the Realm. Ace, Dregs, High Lot of Critsburg. Vin, Diagram. D.M. Charby. Catamilius the Consumed. Cam, the Frogloday's man. Dean. Jake W. Hi, Mom. Tyler O. The Mile High Bastard. Tuesday Cross, only here for the surf and mirth. We love you, Ratjee. Smoors. Tyler M. Godog. Zibba the Bakery. Kaylee. Katerina C. Carly C. Totally definitely not the Grinch. W. K.C.J. Papaa's litigation associate. Greg W. There's so many of us now, but hey, you're doing great. We love you. Thank you. M. Baruch, Thunderhelm. Fifth Generation Minotar. Working as an abandoned labyrinth door guide. Aubrey. Cappy B of the schooner, Lewis R. French. Boney is dead.

The Waterworth, your four-legged Greg companion. Nick, the raging ranger, Echo Ashmore, A.E.G. 15, Kunari, watch me kick-flip my neck. Okay. Nadia, Dice Druid, and Papa's associate attorney. Not a DJ, but we'll still take the gig DJ. mean, Chef Julie B, Mama Mayhem the moderately touted. Jen, rules, kinder.

Thomas C. Little Dark Lotus Creations. Kendra A. Miller. Joshua H. Jacob M. Liu H. A.J. D. Ben V. Prince Slagathor the third. Shinka Kinsuni, or Skyler, the only male Kitsuneiunay in Bahumia. And finally, Lane Stoop, thank you all so much for supporting us. We love you. Mwha, Mua, Mua. Goodbye, sweetie. That was a HeadGum podcast. Hi, I'm Drew Offalo. And I'm Dason Offoallo. And we host the HeadGum podcast, Two Idiot Girls.

Each episode, we're discussing plenty of topics that you would be giggling at a sleepover with your weird cousins. We talk about all kinds of things, like weird dating horse, stories, maybe a really bad wedgy you had once, or even a show you're loving and anything in between. So you can listen to Two Idiot Girls on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube. New episodes will be posted every Tuesday.