Not Another D&D Podcast - Trinyvale X Strahd - Ep. 21: Welcome to Ravenloft

Episode Date: February 5, 2026

The Triplets get swept up in a series of misadventures as they explore Strahd’s Castle! Jens has a drink, Onyx meets a mother, and Nyack goes to jail as the Trinyvale X Strahd crossover continues! Get tickets to our SYDNEY OPERA HOUSE LIVE SHOW Here! CREDITSEditing by Brian MurphyProduction and Sound Design by Daniel Ramos (@Schubirds on IG)Logo Design by Chelsea LeCompteMUSIC INCLUDES:"Trinyvale Opening Theme" by Emily Axford"The Gate" by Emily Axford"Where is the Manager??" by Emily Axford“Barovian Tango by Emily Axford"The Shard" by Emily Axford“A Hunkle’s Plea” by Emily Axford"LIghts Out" by Emily Axford"The Night Lotus" by Emily Axford"The Tarroka Suite" by Emily Axford“Moonsick” by Emily Axford“Oh Melora” by Emily Axford“Strahd” by Emily Axford"Trinyvale Closing Theme" by Emily AxfordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This episode of NADPOD is brought to you by Nirvana, the band, the show, the movie. When their plan to book a show at the Rivoli goes horribly wrong, Matt and Jay accidentally travel back to the year 2008. If you're familiar with Nirvana, the band, the show, it's a mockumentary, a lot of it is shot guerrilla style and improvised. The movie has upped the ante without giving too much away. There's a part where the characters are at an active, actual crime scene at Drake's house. Critics are saying, it's insane that it exists.

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Perhaps we shall see. Undoubtedly. Undoubted. I'm going to tell. Guaranteed good show. March 16th. Scoop your tickets quick because it is the only show we're doing in Australia. You're going to want to be there.

It's going to be a good show. One big show. One big show. Be on the lookout for that. Nadpod.com slash live. We'll see you there. Yeah. This is a headgum podcast.

Welcome. To Trinnavale To Trinnavale I'm not on airplane mode Give me a second I'll do it again Wait I might not be either What the hell guys

I'm leaving this in I wasn't I wasn't If there's a freaking buzz in the microphones It's their fault A rare axford phone talk How does she know where it is? Usually peek behind the screen

We all confirm that we're on airplane mode And Emily goes I don't know where my phone is And we just hope it's not near a mic Wait, because that would ruin the episode. We're not including this. Yeah, we sure are. We're including this.

Yeah. Welcome to Trinaville. Yeah, now we are. And also Barovia. Barovia. Wow, y'all. That is not the intro I wanted, but it's the intro I was given. And that is the important lesson to take from Barovia.

You weren't on airplane mode. This is what you get. So there's no fucking cell service in Castle Ravenloft, y'all. But what there is is your Dracula uncle, a.k.a. Drunkal. Friends, I am Caldwell Tanner, and I am joined, as always, by my peckish players, Brian Murphy. Winner, winner, Stroud's dinner,

it's Jenslandelle. You instantly take an arrow to the neck. Oh! And currently, arrow-free, it's Emily Axford. Potato Maven seeking the mother of ravens. It's unexlimier. The arrow misses you and goes right for Jake Hurwitz. My new friend has a texiexieffered.

but I'm headed to jail. Nyack of the Ranafore. That's all we're ultimately here to do is to drop Nyack off the jail. You're just turning me up. This is your last dinner before jail. Maybe the monkey can visit. I don't know what you call conjugal visits. They're just for friends, but the monkey can do that.

Social visits. Social visits. What does conjugal mean? Is that just mean fucking? I think it's like, it means that sex is on the table. Sex is on the table. That's a little crass. That's all it means.

That's all it means. So if I'm like, I'm going to go have a conjugal dinner. that could mean like if you go on a date Is that a conjugal dinner? Like it might lead to sex? It's on the table. Okay. Especially if it's a third day.

Yeah. I think you have to say it while raising an eyebrow too. You have to be a conjugal dinner. Do that instead of asking people out of dates. Ask them out on a conjugal dinner. There you go. Yeah. I've got a dentist appointment and it might just be conchical tennis appointment.

Whoa, I didn't know this was conjugal. Hey, it's always on the table for me. You never freaking know. Guys, let me tell you this dinner at Strauds might just damn well be conjugal. It definitely might be. Everything's on the table, folks. You know what else is on the table?

Some recapitizers. Jesus. I take a narrow to the neck. I don't get it. Oh, recap! I get it! I get it! That was really good because when I finally got it,

I felt really proud of myself, so I just feel awesome. That's awesome. Emily was half of the audience listening at home, I think. Folks, the form could not be rarer. Here we go. Recap time. Yes. When last we met, U3 had defeated the Gothaius tree and joined the Wair Ravens for a post-battle celebration at their winery.

And who can think of a better way to party than by doing a glass blowing demonstration? Sure. Sure indeed. You three ventured into the winery's cellar. However, before your lesson started, you hunted down Erwin Martikov's secret lab and found his final vial of Coca-Cola. Then you met up with Casimir, the head blower, and started your lesson. Nyack worked hard on making a glass monkey, but was quickly surpassed by Onyx, whose baby Angel Bong earned her Kazimir's respect and also a new magic item.

Conjugal glass blowing class. Head of the glass. I think those are always conjugal, regardless of your intention. After your demonstration, you cracked into the Tome of Strade you found in the crater left by the Gothaiiastree and read up on his history. You also discovered that Alana had added a section to the book detailing a potential recipe for curing vampirism involving the silver garlic bulbs you acquired. You were then rudely summoned back to your hallowed fortress by Markovia, who said she had urgent matters to discuss. However, when you arrived, you were greeted instead by your fortune-telling friend Madame Ava. She explained that vampire spawn and zombies were amassing at the ruined village of Borez and planning to march on Borovia Village.

While gathering forces to help, she came across Piccolo the monkey. who had a message from Leamund claiming that he's still alive and being held somewhere in Castle Ravenloft. Ava then did a final card reading for you to reveal some of the things you might encounter in the castle. Jins was told to seek the portrait of Sergei, Onyx, the mother of Ravens, and Nyack to go to jail. No. As the hour grew late, you met up with Markovia to discuss whether or not to bring Marina to the castle. But after learning she had trained with blindfolds and earplugs and had become a stealthy sword master, you decided that you would like to see Deadpool's take on Baby Yoda after all.

You then retired to bed and spent the entire next day putting together Adam Sandler-esque fits for the banquet. Oh, shit. Was that an oh shit we should have prepared or oh shit we're wearing Adam Sandler outfits? It's oh shit we're wearing Adam Sandler outfits. The right answer. The following day, Straud's pilot, a wild-eyed woman with a red scarf over her mouth, picked you up in Straud's Heliclopper. As you boarded, however, you noticed the woman quickly glance at Marina

before shaking it off and returning to her duties. The heliclopper then galloped across the ethereal plane and right to the courtyard of Castle Ravenloft, where you saw warm light spilling from a set of huge double doors and music drifting through the air. And that is where we are now. So as soon as you are safely on the ground, the Red Scarved pilot quickly did,

Mishembarks. You watch as the helicopter cuts across the sky, then dives into the mists below the castle. And you find yourself in a courtyard. Thick, cold fog swirls around. Sporadic flashes of lightning lance the weeping clouds overhead as thunder shakes the ground. Through the drizzle, you see torch flames fluttering on each side of the keep's open doors. High above the entrance is a round window with shards of broken glass lodged in its iron frame. And to either side of the main entrance, you see large gates closed shut against the howling wind and rain.

Amidst the tempest, however, you can still hear the commanding notes of a massive pipe organ beckoning you inside. And I've actually provided you all with a little map here because this castle is big. I made it smaller, but it's still goddamn big. So assume that this is a map that you found in the Tome of Strade

that you can use just for reference as you're exploring the castle. Cool. I crack it open. All right. Nyack straight to jail, I guess, right? Yeah. I don't even get a meal or something? Why don't we get Nyack straight to jail? That way we can really enjoy dinner.

Does that make sense, Ony? Yeah, so we don't have something hanging over our edge. Yeah. Yeah, can I at least have a recapitizer? What is that? Oh, I get it. You already got that. Yeah, why don't we, okay, well, let's first figure out, I guess, if we're going to get attacked on the way in because there's like a giant bridge.

So why don't we try to sneak in and then we'll try to start at the basement and start with the dungeon. Does that make sense? Work our way up. Okay, yeah, that sounds good. If we are going in and we're trying to sneak, I'm going to find a bucket of dimness and cast invisibility on myself because I can do it for free now that I have an Eldridge invocation that I'm won with the show. shadows. Whoa. Okay. I can do it not for free. This is so easy, right, Jens? Yeah, totally. Yeah, I guess I'll cast invisibility on myself. Why not? Does anyone else want to be invisible? I can make people invisible. Yeah, I could go for some invisibility unless I need to be like visible because I'm going to the jail. Okay, well, we're going to need to put like jail costume on you, you know, probably like

striped PJs, but you can be invisible while wearing the PJs. I think it would be fine. Oh, okay. Yeah. So I cast a disguise self on myself, and I look like the hamburger. Nyack, I'm so hungry now. I can get you some burgers.

I think this is half the balance. This is why you're going to prison in the first place, I'm like, okay? Because I burgle burgers. So the plan is we're all going to be invisible. We're going to sneak to the basement first before going to dinner. Yeah. Yeah.

And if we ever become visible, I will be the hamburger. because I've disguised saw. Right. Yeah. And the hamburger would make sense that he would be in Straud's dungeon. And I'm going to disguise myself as Nyak, so if they catch me. I love that.

Okay. Why, though? The hamburger simply loves that. Yeah. Okay. Why? If they catch me, I can go to jail for Nyak and then, poof, I'm back to to Anex and I'm going to be like, I've been wrongfully jailed.

Okay. All right. That adds up, I guess. Yeah, there's a lot of meat on that. The only problem is if the hamburger is already in the dungeon and we get caught outside the dungeon with the hamburger, it looks like we broke the hamburger out. I'm also going to discuss myself as the hamburger. Okay, just now that's beefy, brilliant.

Just to be careful, I'll also dress myself as the hamburger. That way, people will think it's the hamburger's family that has come to break out the hamburger. We'll say I'm the cheese burglar, the double cheese burglar. And the beyond cheese. Beyond Cheeseburger. Yeah, perfect. The veggie. The veggie burglary.

Okay. Marina, you've got to come up with your own fucking thing. Oh my God. What? I don't think I can be invisible. I guess Esmeralda, can you make me invisible? Could I maybe be one of the fry guys? Okay, that's actually really good.

You know your McDonald's land lore. Let's get going. Thank you. There used to be a traveling play that would come around. They would make blinksy puppets that looked like all the McDonald's characters. That's awesome. The mythology of McDonald's is so meaningful, too. Grimmis used to be a bad guy. Let's keep moving.

Do you think Grimis will be in there? I hope not. Especially not the Grimus with four arms. Grimus has killed before. Marina looks solemnly down. I know him well. Okay, so I believe, I don't know how much invisibility you can cast, but Ezrald is going to cast it on Marina,

so she's invisible with you. That's probably good since she's a target. But I think maybe Keychain and Esmeralda will just have to stealth in. Okay. Maybe it would be best if Keychain and I stick to the shadows will kind of like wait up here

and then if the coast is clear You can back us up Oh maybe you could start telling people Oh the beyond burglar is here Start some rumors Just like hide behind the big urn And like whisper that Yeah I think the hamburglers family

Has come to help him out Hide your beet patties Yeah I think stealing hamburgers is bad But maybe not worth a life sentence He's done his time He's done his hamburger has done his freaking time.

Is this like a whole like fast in the Fiorias thing but with hamburglers? I guess so. Okay, we should talk about this later. It's part of the family. Okay, so what I'll say is you guys are going to sneak past once you're inside.

Esmeral and Keychain can either just like wait for you guys to give the signal or they can explore elsewhere. Great. Cool. As we walk, I'm just going to say like, is this kind of weird that we are sneaking in even so we were invited? I still think he's going to attack us.

Okay. Yeah. Cool. And we weren't invited to the dungeon and we need to go there. So if we get caught, we can always be like, well, we got lost. We're invited. Yeah, that's true. We can always say, like, we couldn't find the front door.

That's plan B if they don't buy the handbook. Okay. Great. Yeah. It's all airtight. And we also, I guess when we go in the entry, we'll also look and see if there's any, like, Sergei paintings hanging up. We'll do like a quick, like, walkabout before we go down.

Curser. Yeah. I'm looking for some. mother of ravens. Okay, so when don't you three head on in with Marina Invisible, give me group stealth checks with advantage, just whoever has the highest stealth. Great. 18. That's a Nat 20, baby. Woo! Becomes a 28. Fuck, yeah. I'll say, are you able to easily get across this foyer? You walk

through these doors and you find yourself in this big vaulted room. Overhead four statues of dragons glare down, their eyes flickering in the torchlight. Directly ahead of you see a grand spiral staircase leading to the castle's upper and lower levels. To your left, you see an ancient chapel choked by dust and decay. And to your right, you see a lively dining hall. And besides this dining hall, you see a zombie in a red bellhop uniform. He has not noticed you at all. Okay.

Zombie in a red bellhop uniform. He seems fun. But I also feel like we could get the jump on him and kill him real quick. And yeah, because... Maybe we just don't deal with them, right? I'm kind of wondering if the mother of ravens could be in the chapel. I'm kind of wondering if Sergey could be in the dining hall. Do we do a quick split up and see if we can find our people?

Okay, yes, that's fine with me. I'm an unexprenuer, so I know about going it alone. Yeah. Okay, that makes sense. All right? You got the letter blazer on trail. Yeah, too true. You see that the zombie is, like, practicing what he's going to say,

right this way! The master is expecting you. Right this way. The master is expecting you. Okay. He's likable. He's really likable. How does that change?

Well, it changes it in that I don't want to jump him. Yeah. Right? But I also don't want to answer any of his questions. So let's just not deal with him. He's not going to get the hamburger. He's not going to get the hamburger thing. You can tell he's a young guy.

He wasn't around when he wasn't around when McDonald's land was a thing. I can just, I clock them. Yeah, that zombie is so young. That zombie is so young. You never got a DVD from McDonald's. You absolutely never got it. Well, it was more of a VHS tape from McDonald's. Anyway, okay, I'm going to go look in the dining hall.

Okay, sick. All right, you're going to peek in the dining hall. You slide past this zombie bellhop and into this beautiful dining hall. Three enormous crystal chandeliers brilliantly illuminate a magnificent chamber. pillars of stone standing its dull white marble walls supporting a very high ceiling. In the center of the room, a long, heavy table is covered with a fine white satin cloth. The table is laden with many delectable foods, all of which are catered to your absurd, verging on bullshit requests. On one end, you see a bowl of roasted tree nuts.

On the other, a vegan baked potato bar with all the fixings, including bacon. Wow. Places are set for each of you with fine, delicate china and silver cups. And at each place is a crystal goblet filled with amber liquid that has a delicate tantalizing fragrance. Jens, as you take in the room, you notice a small servant store to the right, and at the center of the far wall, between floor-to-ceiling mirrors, stands a massive organ. This is, of course, the origin of the music you were hearing. Its pipes blare out a thunderous melody That speaks in its tone of greatness and despair

And seated at the organ Facing away from you is a single cape figure He pounds the keys in a raptured ecstasy Waiting for his guests to arrive I back up I turn back around Okay so Straud's actually the one playing the piano What he can play the piano

He can play the fucking piano okay He's really tickling that. He's tickling it, okay? I give up. I surrender. Stop. Okay, don't do that. I surrender.

Don't surrender. Stop. Okay, let's go to the chapel. Let's go to the chapel. Marina, he's actually kind of fascinating. Yeah. Marina, did you do? Keep your fucking ears plugs.

He's like, pretty worldly. He's like a young bibliker. Is that hot to you? I don't know. We're too old. I look at you with fear in my eyes. Look. You see Marina just looks forward.

who says he could burgle my hand. Right. Okay. We've all gotten very craven since we've started to act like the hamburger, okay? But we have to remember why we came here.

Raval, rabble. He's also, he's set up a baked potato bar. He's competing with us, frankly. Okay, and he knows how to play the piano. He's going to be able to delight people at his budfuckers, okay? We can't do that. We don't have that kind of talent.

The ambiance is blowing us out of the fucking water. Ambiance is absolutely blowing us out of the fucking water. So let's look into the... It's a 10 out of 10. Let's look into the chapel. Let's see if we can find this birdwoman. and then let's send Nyack to jail. Okay? Let's do what you're supposed to do.

Yeah, yeah, I really have to get to jail. Let's get to jail. Let's go in the chapel. Outside, you see keychain and Esberalda are taking turns just like punching each other as hard as they can. Okay. That's really good. Do that so much quieter.

Okay, so we're going to head to the chapel next. While we are going, can I look up at the dragons on the ceiling? Sure. I want to see if I, like, are they all the same? Are they different? to say like correspond with different rooms in any way. You look up and they all just appear to be statues specifically of red dragon wormlings.

Give me a perception check. 12. 12. Just like the most like unsatisfying number for that question. Wait, nope, I was wrong. Nine. Okay. You don't know if they're good statues.

I take that back. Looking at wormlings. The fuck are you doing? I'm sorry. Are you bored of dragons already? We're supposed to go to the chapel. Okay, okay. As you walk past, you could swear you hear a wormling say,

what are you looking at, dumbass? But you can't tell us to win. Let's go to the chapel. Yeah. Gens, I'm having a really bad day. Yeah, this sucks. We're sending Nyack to jail. It's somber times.

No, that's not why. That's not why. It's not? I'm not going to ask. I walk into the chapel. Nayak, why did you steal those burgers? Maybe you could explain yourself. Nyak lowers his brim hat that the hamburger wears.

I'll never tell. You enter the chapel, and you see dim-colored light filtering through tall, broken, and boarded up windows of stained glass. They illuminate the ancient chapel of Ravenloft. As you enter, a swarm of bed. bats shrieks from their perch atop the rafters and dive right at your face. Get them. Naya shoots a hand up and tries to grab one for a hans. Why? Why? Are these burgers? Stop, everyone. What the fuck are you doing? We're invisible. What is their ravens? What if they're

Ravens, they're bats. Naya, give me, fuck, give me an attack roll, I guess. Okay. What do you mean? What if they're Ravens? Uh, dirty 20. Yeah, you snatch a bat out of the air. They were going to fly right past you because you're invisible, but I guess

now they know you're here. Oh. I'll say this doesn't break your invisibility, but they know something's up. It's not a raven. It's not a raven. Fly, my pretty. You've crushed it. It's in Nyak.

Kicks it across the floor. You're free. You see that its wings aren't broken, but it's been like winded. So it's just on the ground going like, ah, ha! That's so upset here.

Okay. I'll burgle this bat. Nyack puts it in the hamburglers cape. There, there. The other bats flutter out through a small crack in the window out into the night sky. But this one bat just kind of like

find some crumbs of an old potato go in your jacket and starts nibbling on them. Good, yes. You see, Piccolo, who I'll say is part of your invisibility, also starts searching the bat for lice and ticks and gnats as well. Yeah. So you're building a little menagerie here. Eat up, bud.

So as you catch your breath from this bat assault, you take a look around the chapel now, and you see benches coated with centuries of dust. They lie about the floor in jumbled disarray. Beyond this debris, lit by a piercing shaft of light, you see an altar standing upon a stone platform. The sides of the altar are carved with base reliefs of angelic figures entwined with grapevines. To your left, you see an alcove into which is set a glistening silver statuette.

And to your right, you see the long dead corpse of a priest, kneeling before a sun-sigil, dripping with blood from an unseen source. What? Wait, there's a priest? There's just a corpse? Yeah, it's like a... Dripping with blood? There is a sun sigil that is dripping with blood

from an unseen source. So he's like, it's almost as if this priest, who is like mummified now was making a final plea to this sun sigil, which is now stained with blood. Oh. Okay, I guess... Why would Stratt keeps this room in his house?

I think that he treats his entire castle as if it were his two. Boom, everything is preserved as it was. Okay. Can I do, I mean, I don't have religion or anything, but I'm looking for the mother of ravens. Can I kneel and pray to the mother of ravens? Oh, yeah. Give me a religion check.

That's fun. Dear Mother of Ravens, one mother to another. I need your help. 13. 13. You hear the july. distant call of a raven somewhere, but you can't quite tell where it's coming from. Okay.

I don't think that she's in here. Don't we have a son? We've got a sun thing, too, don't we? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I think you've got your Donflower pendant. Is this where Sergey was married, was going to be married before he was killed? Give me a history check. Okay.

Is this preserved? Nat 20. Oh. Fuck yeah, dude. You studied the Tome of Strade. You know what's up. This is exactly the room. You saw it in a vision in Sergei's dream. This is where Strad and the witches turned against all of the other nobles of Ravenloft.

He killed his brother, drank his blood in this very room, and the witches killed everyone else. This is where it happened. Okay, so this would be the regret, probably. So I'm going to go, I guess, see if there's anything behind that sun that is splattered in blood? Yeah. I sort of investigate the room. And can I take some of us that blood from Zhek? sun. Okay. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. Um, collecting blood now. We like our burgers medium rare. Yeah.

It's a good because like a lot of the potatoes are vegan so we can put some of this blood in to be like, make it seamless vegan. Right. Yeah. I mean, it has to taste like something. Yeah. Okay. So what I'll say is onyx, as you go to grab some of this blood. Yeah. Um, you take it and try to put it in a vial, but as soon as you do, it almost just fades away as if waking from a dream. Okay. Okay. Never mind. And Jens, you're looking at this sun sigil. Yeah, there was like blood on it, right? Yes.

But as Onyx goes to investigate, she realizes that this is illusory blood. It's just an illusion. Yeah. Got you. Seeping from somewhere else. You get the sense that maybe this blood is like seeping from another illusion elsewhere in the castle. Oh. So just a quick reminder of like what all's in here.

There's this sun sigil in the alcove to your right. And then on the left, there's an alcove which has a glistening silver step. and then you've got this big altar in the middle with the angels entwined with grape vines. If you want to make like a specific investigation or perception check for one of those things, I'd allow that. Yeah, I guess I'll check the, I think the altar is where it went down, so maybe I'll check the altar first. Nice.

Okay. Give me a perception check or investigation. Not great. Five. Can I take, I've got good perception. Can I take a look? Go for it. Yeah, you give them the help action, essentially.

Okay. That is a 22. With the 22, you actually see a small crack under the altar from which a cool breeze issues forth. Brother, there's a crack in the altar. Okay. Let's crack it open even further. I just reach in, I guess. Yeah, I'll say you run your hands along this altar, along the grape vines that are entangled with these angel figures,

and eventually you find one grape that is actually a button. Ooh. And when you press it, the altar slides aside, revealing a stone shoot descending into dank darkness. This could be the vault. Maybe it goes to the jail. Or is the jail. But the jail. But we had to find the mother of ravens to tell us what's in the vault. But I guess we don't need her if we find the vault itself. I don't know. Yeah. Okay. When we do a quick poke at the other, there was another, the statues. Let's just look at the same. silver statuette so quick. Okay. Go and give me a perception on the silver statuette. I'll give a help to Nyack. All right. That's another 22. Nyack, you go close over to where this silver statuette is. It's in this like alcove. Do to do you get right up next to it. It looks like a silver statue of like a small priest or something like that in like a supplicant pose. But as you get close to the alcove,

you notice small seams in the floor, walls, and ceiling and realize that the middle section of the floor isn't attached to the rest of the room. In fact, it appears to be an elevator compartment. I think there's another way down here. What the hell? Which one do we want to do? I want to take this side. Nyek, I'll say that with your high score, you also realize that the way to trigger this elevator compartment is via this pressure plate that you find on the ground. It might be, oh, this could have been a trap. Oh, okay, Susan. So then let's go down the chute. The shoot seems more legit. Yeah, that was more of a secret.

This one's a trap, right? This one is a step on something and then get shot down to, like, Straud's torture office or something. Yeah, the hamburger's too smart for that one. Yeah. Nyexas, skipping away. We live to burgle another day. Yeah, okay.

You see, Marina pipes up. Should we get Esmeralda and Keychain or should we leave them as sentries out front? Oh, man. Is they not invisible? No, we did not have enough spells, I believe. That's fine. They'll be at full, they'll be all good to go once we fight Stroud. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think there's something going on between them anyway. Yeah, it does seem pretty flirtatious. It would explain why Guy Chene has been like so hot-tempered if he's been like working with some sort of latent crush that he hasn't been able to express. I noticed that he's trying to big dog me. Yeah, he's trying to big dog me. And I think it's like, oh, okay, well, you know, this new Esmeralda's year. I'm trying to look like the big dog me.

Big dog now. He needs to be the alpha bot. Outside Keychain is doing push-ups and saying, I'm just trying to be my best self, but Nyack is holding me back. It's fucked up. Okay, actually, no, it's really just something going on with you. He's obsessed with me.

I don't want the fishing pole. I want his respect. All right. Well, Nyack clearly has to go down the shoot first. Right. Okay. Right. Okay.

Go ahead, Nyack. Nyack whips up his hand burglar cape and dives in. Okay, so you jump down this oddly smooth stone chute, and it ejects you out of an empty wine barrel and into a huge stone cellar. Okay. Are you good down there? It doesn't, it's not jail. It's not jail yet.

I whisper up the shoot. All right, time for the cheese burglar and the impossible cheese burglar to follow. I jump down. So you all three make your way down. You get the sense that this was maybe like a panic room. or escape hatch for nobles, Instrod's castle. Oh, like a priest hole.

Yes, there's a little priest hole, as you call them. Okay. Okay. But the fact that it also empties out into the wine cellar perhaps speaks to the specific proclivities of the priest more than the panic of the priest. That is such a level of lush if you have a trap door to get drunk. Yeah, if you're like, I'm in trouble better get drunk.

Yeah. A panic wine cellar? Yeah. I mean, Jen's has a glass. We're down here. So yeah, you go into this wine cellar. You see arched frames of stone form a low, wet ceiling. Great casks line the walls.

Their bands rusting and their contents long since spilled onto the floor. A few hungry rats make their home here, but upon your sudden arrival, they retreat to the shadows. In this room, you see a door leading to the servants' quarters and a stone archway leading into some sort of meeting hall. But, Jens, you said you were going to get a glass of wine? Yeah, I'll have a glass. We're here. Nice. So you go over to one of these casks.

You notice that they are all from Wizard of the Wines. The print on them is a little faded. They're clearly somewhat old, but you go to twist one of the spigots. And as you do, instead of wine, a thick yellow mold spills out. These guys cannot make wine. This is bullshit. These guys are awful making wine. I am shocked.

It's supposed to fucking last. I really, like, this is supposed to be before their stuff started tasting like ass. Like old wine is supposed to be good. It should be perfect down here. This should be awesome wine. It was probably mold when they put it into the barrels. It happened to be.

Do they, are they trying to make wine? Because it feels like they're fucking up so much. I don't know if they're trying to make wine. Are they trying to make wine or they try to piss us off? Thank you. All right. Trying to make me wine. All right.

I'm going to try to calm down. Let's, I think we're. the basement now. But try to find Liamund in the dungeon, right? Okay. So you start to make your way. Before you do, though, the mold that you have poured into this glass, puckers and releases a jet of spores.

Jesus. Oh, no. I'm going to say, It's a yellow mold. Onyx, you and Jens were close. Nyack, do you think you were standing near them as well? Yeah, I probably was, honestly. Okay.

Everyone gave me a Constitution saving throw. I follow Jens everywhere. Nat 20, babe. It's awesome. Natural one. Wow. Give us and take it. I got a five.

On XU pass. Jin, see you and Nyak, super fail. You're going to take 2D10 poison damage. Jesus. And you now have the poisoned condition.

Oh, man. I'm so sick. That's 19 damage. Jesus. And yeah, you have the poison condition, which means disadvantage on attacks and ability checks, I believe. Great.

That sucks. Guys, let's just take a short rest. Let's just hang out here for a couple of things. hours. In the room was the yellow mold? No, let's go into the next, let's go into the servants quarters and just take, let's just take it out. There's got to be a cotton here. Okay, I'm going to rest. Okay. I feel, I feel nauseous. I feel awful. I feel awful. I need to rest. Okay. Yeah. Awesome. You're gonna go to the servants quarters?

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I just can't right now. All right, great. You do that. You see upstairs, Heachain and Ezra-Lers are having a picnic now for some reason. Yeah. So, it could speak. Kiss or don't. Jesus Christ. So tell me about you. About time you asked. Ezraal was like, I kind of was like trying to look for Liamond,

but I guess maybe we're on guard duty now. I don't know. You know, those triplets are weird, but they get results. Yeah. Damn. That's true. So as keychain just like flusters upstairs,

you enter the servants' quarters. You see, broken furniture and torn cloth are strewn about this 20 by 40 foot room. Dim light comes from a rusted candelabra, which illuminates a pair of zuminodes who are sleeping amidst a pile of wine bottles. All right. Let's kill him. I walk up and I slit one's throat. Careful, you're sick. Are you getting attacked? Yeah, I'm definitely going to attack.

Can I give Zelleb action to negate his poison for his first attack? Okay. I'll loose an arrow from a distance. So funny. Okay, hold on. Just a 14 to hit. 14 does hit. Okay.

And I guess since they're asleep, you can deal. You automatically crit. Great. 15 damage. You stab into this lizard man. And he goes, ah! Second attack, second and second. Stavim.

Jesus. Surrey, wake up. Nat one, that one. So you come out of invisibility. As you stab, bonus action attack. Okay, 19 to hit.

19 does hit. Another 13 damage. Jins, with your offhand attack, you managed to fell this lizard full crate. Zuminoid. I like how attacks,

like they don't, you don't need to worry about expending too many attacks, but you were gonna just do one. And then you're like, fine, fine, offhand attack. I thought it was going to be a quick, clean kill.

And it ended up being pretty messy. Just out of invisibility, just soaked in this lizard man's blood. Someone else killed the other guy. Nyak throws up. You see the other one who is a dog man says, Radu, no. Fucking die, I guess. Nyak loosed an arrow.

All right, look out this as a surprise round. Go ahead and fire at the other one, this dog man. Okay, so I'd roll it flat because I, have disadvantage from being poison. Yes. Yeah, and you're invisible, so yeah. Okay, that's a 19 to hit. 19 hits.

Killing the zoominoids while I sleep is awesome. That's 14 damage and I'll take my second attack. Okay. That's a 23 to hit. That hits. Wait, no! 21 damage. Not yack.

Kill this other zoomoid. Naik pulls his bow back while he's still throwing up from Jens. Closes his eyes, just lets go. All right, we drag the bodies, we stuff them in the wine room. We go into the servants' quarters, we take a rest. Sorry, I just, we had to sleep in your bed. I'm going to stage them so it looked like, even though they are covered in blood and cuts at arrow,

so that it looked like they died from the wine. Yeah. So I'm going to stage them like under the spigot. Yeah, it's possible. It's definitely possible. As they die, you hear them say, Grandpa, we're coming for you to the winery in the sky. This is your grandpa.

What's his name? The morning lord. Oh, okay, bye-bye. He wears beautiful lingerie. Yeah, we know him. For a second, I just flicker my disguise self to the lingerie morning lord. We're coming, Grandpa. And now I'm just the hamburger.

a lingerie. I definitely wasn't expecting to see these guys. You see they have made like a little makeshift din down here. The other thing you notice in the servants quarters is there is like a little spiral staircase that leads up. And from that spiral staircase, you kind of catch the scent of foods wafting. And you can infer that this is maybe the servants quarters below the kitchen, which connects to the dining room. Got you. Okay. So we've explored the kitchen. So I, Again, I feel like shit. I have a pounding headache. The spores got in me.

My throat. There's a tickle. Yeah. Yeah. I just need three hours. Okay. Is that too much to add? Do you want me to do like a quick sweep to see if I find Leamond while you get better?

That's fine. I'm going to take a nap in the servant's quarters. Okay. Great. All right. I throwed up. Nyak throwed up. The Bicklost starts eating it.

Yeah, I saw you. You're the only one who still has invisible. So you can look ahead and try to find Liam. Oh, okay, yeah. We take a nap in the blood and remains of this zuminoyles. Okay. So as you guys go, Onyx, Marina taps you on the shoulder. She's still invisible as well.

And she says, if you're going to explore, I will stay here to guard Jens and Nyak and get them buckets as they need. Okay, yeah, just do a good job. Great. So you guys are going to nestle down in these. moldy canvas bags that they were sleeping in. Just a quick three. Also, Moldy, you're only going to get more sick. I just can't deal with this right now.

This is like when our condo had asbestos. That was so bad. And I said just paint over it. And we said whatever's cheapest. Upstairs, Keychain is just asking Esmeralda what movies she's seen, but he's just going through like a database in his head. So he's just starting with movies that start with A and then moving down alphabetically. Oh, wow.

That's really not going to. to work. Okay, so I'll do while they sleep, I'll do a quick sweep of the dungeon. Great. So, Onyx, from here, you can either go back into the wine cellar where you came from, or you see this other exit, which leads into a room

that is covered in furniture that is made of this sort of off-white color. You can't really make it out from where you are, but the closer you get to the door, as you peer through, you notice that everything in this room is made of bone. Oh, that's so much less

I thought it was like an influencer's house. Okay, I go into the bone room. So you enter this bone room. Dark stains cover the floor of this area. Everything is a sickly yellow color, not because it's faded or from an influencer's house, but in fact, because everything is adorned with bones and skulls arranged in a morbidly decorative fashion.

An ossuary. Yes. This room has a cathedral-like quality. Four enormous mounds of bones occupy the corners of this ossuary and garlands of skulls extend from the mounds to a chandelier of bones hanging from the ceiling above a long table also constructed of bones. The doors on all sides of the room are sheathed in bone, all save the archway leading back to the cellar. Over this entrance is mounted the massive skull of a dragon-sized raven. Raven. Okay, I am going to, first I'm

I'm going to just do a little investigation to see if there are any bones that look like a lever. A lever? Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Give me an investigation check. Nat 20. Oh, my God.

That's a lot of Nat 20, tall. What are you looking for specifically? What kind of lever? Just like any bones that fit together in a way that look like they could be twisted, turned, yoinked, bopped. Flicked. Is she playing bopped in there? Twist it. I will say with an at 20,

you do, you kind of like rustle around a little bit, and under this bone table, you find like a little bone lever. And when you pull it, the doors on all sides close, creating sort of a safe room. That's interesting.

I'm going to turn to the dragon-sized Ravenhead. I sense the presence of one favored by my lover. Tell me, patron of Ariane. Anna, what brings you to this tower place? I talk to a fortune.

Onyx gets really shocked. I talk to you a fortune. Speak up, please. I cannot hear you properly. Jenz is trying to sleep when he's like got one ear out listening to what's happening and he's so frustrated. So I talked to a fortune, Tyler, and she mentioned, is that you would tell him. us what is in the vault and so if it wasn't a big deal could you tell us what's in zinzevart could you stand on like a bone stool and whisper in my ear yeah thank you i really noisily drag a bone

stool oh jesus i'm so sick it's me i'm unexlimier i want to know what's in seafal um as you say the vault You see the raven skull's eye sockets glow with this pale silver light. And you almost see this gleam of spectral feathers covering it once again. The feathers like wrap around you, enveloping you in momentary safety. And she says, Ah, yes, the vault, the amber vault is that what you speak of? Yeah, I think so. Hmm. I have lived in this land since the beginning of days.

but when Strad claimed the dark gifts from that crypt below, he hunted me down and made a trophy from my bones. Much power dwells in that vault, but if you would steal the power from Strad and aid my old flame, Ariana, then I would gladly help you. Everything I do is for Ariana, except for the things that I do for me, because she says that it's important to do things for you. you sometimes too.

Oh my God, you sound just like her. That's honestly why we did not work out, but what we had was beautiful for a moment. When you are a CEO, sometimes you also have to be a me-e-o. It's like I'm talking to her clone. My name, of course, is Korvac, mother of ravens. I have dwelt in this cathedral of bones since I was slain by Strad. But I have a sliver of my will left, and I will use it to help you. The vault is hidden beneath Strad's brother's tomb.

Indeed, he built the grave over it to hide the vault, but also to hide his shame. I see on this map, sir, is something pointing to catacombs. Is that where we would find the tomb? You will find the tomb of Sergei, the tomb of Strad, and also the tomb of those that begat them deep in the catacombs. Beware the door to the... amber vault will only open for Strah or

for the one who dwells inside. As she says this, she holds you closer in her feathery grip and says, The power that dwells inside that vault, you must be careful, Onyx. It will attempt

to corrupt your mind. I cannot protect you completely, but I can offer you this small blessing. She squawks incredibly loudly. I had just gone to sleep. Yeah, I finally just falling

to sleep. And then you see a giant egg materializes in your hands. The dark presence that dwells in that vault will attempt to seduce you with offers of power.

Each gift will give you something great, but it comes with a greater price. Use this egg to shield your mind against its probing ways. This egg is so big.

I have to just keep carrying it. You just gotta carry it around. You know what? I had to carry it around. When I birthed, we're raven people. Oh my God, I was pregnant with like a whole populace. Oh, my, I hadn't thought of that. What if... 14 months.

14 months? Uh-huh. That is crazy. It's very long because, you know, they're half bird, half man, and, you know, you got to do both gestations. Okay, okay, okay. Seems like more than a bird and a man combined, but okay, yeah. Listen, the science is not exact. Okay, okay, yeah, I will carry you.

is this egg around? Did you come here alone? No, my friends are sleeping in the other rooms. They killed two zuminodes and then slept in their modi sacks. Oh, oh no. Yeah. Onyx, they should not sleep there. Why?

Only this room is safe. Oh, okay. I'm going to do the lever to open the door. Come on in, come on in. Okay. Did you have your short rest? I don't know, did I? You didn't because while you tried to short rest,

You were accosted by. Oh, no. Let me just roll on my random encounter table here. Okay. Let's cut over to what happened to Jins and Nyak while you were talking to the mother of Ravens. I'm so cold, brother. Can I have one of the moldy blankets, please?

No. Okay. You guys nestle up trying to stay warm, but as you do, as you're just falling asleep, a broom in the corner of the room starts Hey everybody, it's Emily here to talk to you about Squarespace. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed

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You can clean in the morning. Cut it out. Clean after we leave. And a second too late. you realize this is a broom of animated attack. It flies into the air and then dive bombs down and starts whacking you. I'm going to make a surprise attack here, but everybody go ahead and roll initiative. Careful, my bat.

1924. You see this broom launch up into the air and dive bomb getting ready to attack. Because it has the false appearance quality, it is going to get a surprise attack on you. Marina, what the hell? I thought it was just a bro. You're supposed to keep watch. I got sleepy toe. I'm sorry.

We're not sleepy. We're sick. There's a difference. I will say three to four it attacks Nyak. One to two, it attacks Jens. That is a three. It's going for Nyack. Unfair.

14 misses you with its first attack. 12 misses as well. So the broom swoops in. You manage to roll out of the way at the last possible moment. But now the broom is like sweeping furiously along the floor, chasing after you. Thank you. It's clean. Please leave.

See, it's like rooting. around in your pocket trying to get a tip. There's a bat in there. The bat bites you in the thigh, and that is your turn. Ow, dude. We just have to attack with disadvantage. I throw up. I feel so sick.

All right, I'll roll out of the way, and I'll try to shoot the broom with a bow and arrow. Come back later, I said. Oh, my God. I got a one and a two. That is insane. But I get a second attack. I'll use Zephyr's strike, so I can. and negate the disadvantage.

Oh, nice, okay. Okay, that's a 24. That hits. It would be so hard to shoot a broom with an arrow. Yeah, I was just thinking that. Like, it kind of makes sense that that would be hard. Well, you gotta imagine that like the broom's handle is like its tail and like the thick part is like its head

and its organs. But still, you just go right through the bristles. Yeah, you really gotta aim true. Yeah. That's 15 damage. 15 damage. Okay, this broom is looking very hurt. It does bleed for some reason. What?

Okay, and I get one more attack because of Dread Ambusher with disadvantage. Nice. Oh, okay, but that's a, that's a 25. 25 hits. Another 14 damage. Nyack, you shake off your sickness, you lock in, you aim true, finish this broom. Okay, I go to pull back my arrow, and I actually fired that directly at the room.

Seek your revenge, my pretty. The bat flies right into the brooms, beating straw heart, and gobbles it up and feels much better. Mac faints. The bat winks at you and then flies up the chute that brought you into the cellar and back out through the chaplain into the night sky to join its brethren. I thought we were friends. Oh, geez, I'm just way too hungover for this. I yak again and then I go into the room with onyx. He's dry heaving onyx

He doesn't have anything left What's going on in here? Okay, so I have this egg To protect me from being preyed upon Yes, I got something You didn't get Jens How does it feel? You got poison and then I didn't get it

So now I get an egg Just pounds his fist on the bone table Hey, hey Onyx, awesome egg Thank you This is what the friendship looks like Why do we have eggs? Like, what is this? Do you have any idea, like, how bad the wine was?

Do you know if I'm going to get better anytime soon? Because I just, I'm not feeling like myself. Can I do CPR on Jens? Can Onyx do CPR on me? Raven? Let me see what, uh, let me look at the poison condition. I do have healing hands, but it doesn't say anything about. Well, I think it would be the specific, whatever specific stat block you pulled through would say

how long we were poisoned for. The poison condition isn't going to say how long it lasts. Oh, yeah, yeah. Here, I'll look it up real quick. One second. I kind of think that we should buy Wizards of the Wine and just shut it down. It's a liability. It's tough. Yeah, we should do a hostile takeover.

Yeah. Now we've got our board seats. If we just sent like one public else person in there, they would shut it down. I've had two drinks from them and they were ash and mold. And the guy fucking fed it to me. And then the other one was from an old cask, which should be like good, right? It's fucking wine. It gets worse with age.

somehow. Yeah. Okay, so the way this works is the creature can repeat the saving throw at the end of each of its turns, ending the effect on itself on a successful save. Oh, sweet. That would be like six seconds then. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we can just spam Constitution saving. Yeah. Sorry, I should have let you roll before now, but go ahead. All right.

Let's see how long it takes. I try to fork up the poison. Okay. Great. On my first one, I got a dirty, dirty 19. It doesn't get dirtier. I thought I had a plus duetcon. I had a plus duton. I have a plus one. I got a dirty 16.

Great, cool. You both managed to clear the poison condition. Blah. It's finally, it's just like the yellow ooze comes out in one barf. Yeah, we had to get down to the bile. Jeez. I use a netty pot. The yellow ooze is like hanging out of my nose.

Ew. Oh. Oh, no. Oh, I'm going to throw up again. Jen, stay strong. It's coming out. It's coming out. Cut it.

Cut it. Cut the ooze? You have to cut it. You need to get it all the way out. All the way out. You need to be fucking cut. Marina, cut it. I thought what to cut it?

You have my sword, Tracee. Nayak puts on a glove and yonks it out. It's a part of you now. Okay. God, I feel so much better. So I have this egg and it's to protect us from something that is in the vault. So I think sir might be. like the bones of a dragon dancer.

Okay, can we get... There was also a broom that was pretty freaky. Yeah, a broom freaked out and tried to attack us. I just don't believe that. What? Are we serious? That's crazy. Wait, what? Three of us saw it. You don't know.

I feel like it was just... Maybe you, like, flailed while you were sleeping. You were there, Marina. Yeah. No, Marina was there to watch over you. Do you think she's going to not notice a broom attacking you? I would clearly notice. She didn't.

I think it just fell over. It just fell over because you guys were sleeping. It was like pretty sick. Yeah. Nyak might be lying about it. Jenz, did you, did you get attacked or did a broom just fall on Nyak? I saw it. Yeah.

All I saw was Nyak freaking out and fighting a broom, I guess. Well, the broom also didn't miss me, so it didn't, it didn't hit me or attacked me. So I, I'll tell you what happened. I shot an arrow and then I shot a bat at a broom. That 100%. That 100%. But I don't know what happened first. Like, if we got attacked or not.

I can tell you I was super sick. from that yellow mold that was in my sinus. I'm just pretty sure that like a broom fell on you while you were like in between sleep and waking and you freaked out. Sorry, we were being so weird. Yeah, that was weird. Okay, because they're being crazy.

Let's go down to the vault. Right? Yeah, let's go down to the vault. You see that the Raven's eyes light up once more. Do you wish to proceed to the catacons? There is time here to take a short, safe rest. Oh, thank God. Yes, I actually am still.

pretty sick. I'm going to take a quick short rest. Okay, yeah. Yeah. We get back some HP. I can give you information about each of these rooms if you wish. Oh, yes, that would be really good because I actually don't need a short rest. Yeah, can you tell me about the jail? Because I might have to live there. The jail, yes. Oh, yeah, we are looking for Liam and the jail and one of our friends is going to jail. So if you look straight underneath me, you will see the entrance to the winery.

And then to the right is the jail cells. dungeon. To the left is the servant's quarters, and directly across from me is the entrance to the catacombs. Okay. All right, maybe we'll pop by the dungeons, drop off Nyack, get Liam, and then go to the catacombs. That's fair. I hope you guys have fun. Yeah. So is, okay, so I describe the sort of things that we learned from Madam Ava, and I say, are these all leading to the same things? Because they all seem very Sergei focused and everything, or are they different? The raven's eyes dim for a moment as she thinks, and then she speaks. They are different, but all related.

Like the branches of a great tree. Sergei's death is the seed from which all of this land's misfortune spring, and as such, the cards cannot help but reflect it. Mm. All right. Well, shall we go to the dungeon? Yeah, let's like, pause. pop in, but I really want to get to the vault to meet our dragon.

Okay, yeah. Yeah, because you're going to be carrying around that egg. Yeah, the egg is so heavy. Yeah, it seems kind of heavy. You see, upstairs, Keychain says, Have you seen B movie? And Esmeral is like, it just feels weird that it wouldn't, like, let me come down to try and find Liam on with him.

It's just weird, right? Oh, that's her issue. Okay. I guess, like, it's fine because, like, they'll need my... help eventually, so I'm cool the way, but like, it's just weird. Those guys are weird. Yeah. Yeah, anyway, have you seen Ann Bruges? I'm counting that one as B.

That's weird. We shouldn't do that. All right, let's proceed. Okay, but we are getting guilty by Esmeralda to bring her down here. Do we have to bring Esmeralda down here? I just didn't know who's going to work out like this. I don't look. Should I just disguise myself as Esmeralda?

And then tell her about the... If Liamit doesn't want to get let out of jail because he doesn't know us, then he's an idiot. If he's got notes about how we rescue him. If he needs a fucking friend to rescue him instead of just other people, like, you can't be fucking picky about who rescues you. I'm sorry. Okay. Yeah. In fact, I'm annoyed at Liamund right now. Yeah, let's knock down the door and just be like, sorry we're not freaking Esmeralda. Yeah, I'm sorry. Guys, I got half of mind to leave him there and not even take his place. Yeah, I don't even know, like, you're going to get rescued here and you're going to

complain about who your rescuers are. I submit that maybe I shouldn't even go to Half of mine's that the hamburger, the cheese burglar, and the impossible cheese burglar should go straight to the catacomb. But you know what? Let's plow forward and let's just see if Liamund can earn our trust back. Okay. Awesome. So you enter this dungeon. It is a musty corridor lined with six rust-covered cells. All are dark, save for one at the far right, which is lit from within by simple torchlight. Next to the cells, you see a small gar room with its wooden door hanging a jar. Okay, I'm invisible. I can go into the dim and make myself invisible again if it has a...

Yeah, go sneak ahead, see who the guard is. Yeah, I'm going to peek into the guard door. Okay, I'll come with you because I'm also still invisible. So you guys sneak up towards... Onex, do you want me to hold your egg? No. I'm sweating. Don't let...

Don't let I hold the egg. That kicks the wall. My speed is 10 feet right now. It's so heavy. It's almost 13 pounds. Feel like you're stronger than that? Okay. Yes.

No. All right. Yeah. Baby. So you walk all the way down. You're going to peer into this guard room. Yeah. So in the guard room, you see an abandoned set of like ruby red armor and a couple of like scattered

swords on the ground, but no people. Can I do like an Arcana or something on the Ruby Red armor to see if it animates? Yeah. We may or may not have seen a broom come to life. Again, it was confusing. Okay. Okay, I have plus zero to Arcana. I'm not sure why I asked for it.

That's a 7 on the die. Seven on the die? Yeah. Okay. With a 7, this armor is really pretty. And, you know what, it's coming to life with style. Okay. But let's just, why not?

Let's just beat the shit out of the armor. Yeah, okay. I'm just gonna mage hand the armor. Okay, great. Yeah, you go to mage hand the armor, and as soon as you do, a giant red gauntlet reaches up and tries to grab your mage hand,

and then it reaches for its sword. You see this giant ruby-plated, headless suit of armor, stands up, grabs its sword, which is crackling with bursts of lightning and magical energy, and it begins to slice down on you, everybody roll initiative.

Oh, boy. Liam and we're here. Sorry, it's not in the exact way you wanted. 18. 26. 14. Okay. Yeah. So, Nyack, you rushed down this hall and make your way into the guard room.

As you do, I'll say you catch a glimpse of the cell that's led at the end here. You see a workbench littered with scrolls, quills, and a variety of strange tools. On the opposite side, you see a gaunt man chained by his hand. hands to the wall, a pointy gray beard pokes out from underneath the thick canvas bag, which has been tied to his head. As soon as this clatter begins, you see him kind of look up and go, but he seems very weak and also chain to the wall. Yes, sorry, it's not Esmeralda. Okay? But, Nyack, I will say as soon as you get close, Piccolo just starts freaking out. And Roon starts to glow all over his body. So you do have,

confirmation that this might be in fact Liamund. Oh yeah. Currently you've got bigger problems because there's a giant suit of red gleaming armor, slicing down on you with a lightning sword, but you are first to act. Onyx, it's just like the broom. This is almost exactly the way the broom thing happens. This is not how it happened. I feel like a piece of armor makes more sense that it would attack or be enchanted to do so.

Yeah. Totally. Totally. Okay. I'm losing it. I'm absolutely losing my core down here. I feel like we're losing it. I feel like we're losing it.

I'm just going to shoot this thing. And let's never even bring up this broom again. The brooding didn't happen, I don't know why I keep talking about it. I'm like fixated. I'm going to Zepper Strike. That's a 28 to hit. That hits. I'm going to use Dread Ambusher.

That is a 24. And I'll take my other attack. That's a 19. That hits as well. Okay. So that is... Wait. I'm so sorry.

That does not hit. The 19 does not hit. He is just armor. All right. That is 47 damage. Wow. Wow. Great turn.

You mentioned you get right up under the gaps in this armor, and you hear a strange, like, grating, squeaking noise almost as you, like, plunge your arrows into these gaps. Where are your hamburgers, you piece of shit? Are you a bunch of little guys? Are you a bunch of little guys you have to tell us? They're little guys. Are you made of hamburgers?

Are you made of sliders? If you're made of hamburgers, you're fucked. You see, it goes deadly silent. Awesome, yeah, your arrows scrape into this thing, fucking up its grieves real bad, but it is still standing and ready to attack because it is the armor's turn. It's going to wield its sword,

which is enchanted with lightning magic and slice down on you. Okay, 18 and 19, those are both going to hit. That's going to be 22 damage plus six lightning damage. Oh, no. Thank God. We took a nap or used a netty pot.

You see the entire cell lights up as this lightning makes contact with your bare flesh. I'm going to use absorb elements as a reaction. Oh, nice. To take that out. Sick. All right. So you take out six lightning damage. I'm still massively hurt.

Way tougher than the broom. What broom? No broom. Stop talking about the broom. The broom didn't happen, man. I know. That brings us to Onyx's turn. Okay, I think, Jen, do you think you can finish this guy off?

No. Really? I don't think so. Realistically, I'm looking at the armor. Does the armor look that hurt? Go and you made a perception check. Okay. Fucking seven.

Okay, because I was going to, um, May Chen to try to free Liams. Yeah, if you want to free Liam and it'll help. I don't, like, this is going to be a fight. This guy's huge. Okay, okay. So then I'm going to bonus action activate my sword, my flaming sword. Look, gents, I'm doing a trick, so my sword looks like yours. Wow.

Flame tongue two. And then I will attack. Okay, great. First attack is a 26. Hits. Second attack is a 16. Misses. Okay.

17 damage, five of which is fire. Okay, so the fire damage is going to be halved. Okay. You see the flames just kind of lick off of this armor. The, like, ruby coating almost seems like it's guarding against the fire. well and that is your turn. That brings us to Marina. Marina says, Swordmaster, I'm excited to show you my new skills.

She is going to take the hide action and put a hand on the hilt of her blade and prepare a reaction to help you, Jens. She's going to use a blade dice. So that means that you get a D8, eight, eight extra damage that you can use to either boost your attack, your attack roll, or... or take damage off of an attack. Up to you. Okay, great.

So you've got eight points to do with as you see fit. Sick. And that is your turn. Great. I guess I'll run up and take three attacks. Ha! Okay, Nat 20. There you go.

That's... Fuck yeah. Eleven on the second attack. That misses. And then 17 on the last one, and I'll add her to it. Nice. Okay, great. Oh, that's going to be a big hit.

Great. Is this thing undead or is it just magically enchanted? No. It's just a construct. Fuck. Okay. 25 damage. 25 damage.

Nice. You managed to take off a full paldron with this hit. And Jens, you could just swear that you see a little rat tail duck inside his armor. They're freaking rats. Oh, no.

It's a rat king in there. We saw them skittering. They're skittering to their armor. Fight with us, friends. Jens, that is your turn. That brings us to the flying swords. Oh, no. You see the enchanted

armor put its hand up to where its mouth would be and go and two flying swords weave out of the guard room and into the battle. They are going to attack you Jens. Great. And they both miss.

Whoa. Great. Fuck you guys. Why are you even here? The broom didn't happen. Okay. You guys are acting. Why are they trying to make the broom happen? Trying to make the broom happen. It's not happening.

That broom was our friends. What brooms? Just a regular broom? What's broom? I'm sorry. You may be a flying sword, but you're crazy. I'm flying high on life. And that broom was my bud.

Okay. That broom could clean up nice. I fucked that broom once. Okay. Gross. Nyack, that brings it back to you. You got these two flying swords and this. animated armor, which is starting to look a little hurt.

You see that bits of it are falling apart, and you can clearly see more rats just kind of peeping out through the cracks in the armor. All right, guys, time to scatter. I'll Zephyr strike in, shoot that thing again. Oh, my God, that's a dirty, 30. Oh, and my second attack is a Nat 1. So that is, I'm going to mark this thing as my favorite foe,

and I'll use some acid damage, too. Why not? I'm going to try to get them down. Wow. Okay. 23 damage. Nyack. Finish this suit of rats.

Nyak throws his bow down and just strides forward and kicks it in the chest plate. Back into your holes. You see the armor falls to the ground, clattering, breaking in a million pieces, and a just giant tangle of rats kind of skitters back into the garts. kind of skitters back into the guard room amidst the trash and refuse where it has come to live. Nyak hops up onto a stool.

Ew, ew, ew. Ew. I feel like they're all over me. Oh, my God. I'm going to yak now. That was a pathetic little yak. Nothing came out. Nothing came out at all.

Nothing was saliva. It was more of a burp. Guys, did that happen? I don't even know that she dry here. So as the armor falls, you see that the two swords clang to the ground as well. Oh. And you are alone once again in this jail cell. Okay.

So now I'm going to use my mage hand to try to undo Liamans from his. Although there's probably just keys here somewhere. Yeah, we'll just grab the keys. Yeah, we'll just get the keys. Yeah, you go to the guard room and you see that amidst this big pile of rats. You do have to reach into a rat pile. I maytend and do it. I don't touch it.

You do. You may jane in, you pull out a ring of keys with a mage hand not covered in biting rats. Ew. Nasty little rats. So you shake them all off and you unlock this jail cell and you find Liamond. You go over to this wizard with a bag on his head. You pull it off. You break his chains and manacles.

And you see that Piccolo is so excited. He just rushes over. Yeah, yeah, I get it. Go ahead. And he kisses Lehmann on the mouth. And as he does, you see that... That can't be hygienic. Whoa.

I mean for the monkey. Nice. Leymond definitely has been bonoics. Has not brushed his teeth. He hasn't gotten to brush. You see that Lehmann's kind of color comes back into his face. His wounds heal a little bit as these glowing ruins appear on the monkey. Ah!

Oh, thank you. Piccolo, my sweet baby boy, you've come and you've brought help. But what if Esmeralda? Oh, yeah. She died. Sorry. She died. Oh, no. Also, it was more like, we came and we brought Piccolo.

Yeah. Piccolo didn't, right? Sorry. It's just like crazy that she's getting any of the credit for this, like, literally at all. When, like, she insisted. She didn't die. Okay, that was a prank. Okay.

Got you. We got you. You got punk. What? You should have seen your face. You should have seen your face. She almost did. I've been on the virgin of death for weeks.

Yeah. Oh my God. Oh, my God. She's dead. Yeah, no, she's not. Yeah, we're the ones who saved you. Okay, so remember that. It's called being punk.

We got you. I shall. Stay humble. Look at the camera. You got punkhead. Yeah, you've been punk. Okay. I've been pumpkin, yes?

Look, okay. Asmeralda said, she was scared and she wanted to wait in the room upstairs. We're down here. We're the ones who saved you. So we need to get. into the vault downstairs so that we can get powers so that we can beat Strad

in his dining room. Yeah, we're trying to open a restaurant. He's playing the freaking piano right now. He's into deep cuts at this point. I think we're late. He's playing Take Me Out to the ball game. He's just kind of running out of song. Yes, I heard that he went on a real run there.

Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star will be up next. Yeah, you can tell he's like kind of getting into it as an adult. Oh, my God. God, it's hot cross buns. Never too late to learn. That is what I always say. Well, this is not the rescue I expected, but... Oh, my God.

None of that. Not the last. I've been punkined, okay? All right. All right, Esmerald is alive. You got punked. Get over it. I'm over it.

Listen, you... You've helped me greatly. She hates you, though. What? You got punked again, okay? You have to admit when you're punked. Okay? Onix is punking.

you left and right. If you're an actual wizard, you'd see it if you got pumped, okay? I'm sorry, I'm still woozy from being locked down here. Right. Strath has been keeping me weak and hungry, but forcing me to work. He has made me craft spells for his vampire army

and also various strange magical items. Like what? We can use that information. Well, he had me enchant some things with some of my trademark, ethereal magic spells. His treasury for one, I've expanded it using my ethereal magic,

and I have enchanted his heliclopper so that it can travel through the ethereal plane, but the darkest thing he had me make for him was the hearts of sorrow. I see it now that I look upon your faces. I can sense it. It was your power that I poured into them. You better be punking us right now.

You bet if you're not punking, us right now? If you're poking us, this is so funny. If you're not, I'm going to freak out, okay? I'm going to Zach Braff style, punch you right now, okay? You see? Leoman, like, absent-minded he kind of pulls on his little twisty beard, and Piccolo kind of comforts him, and he says, no, unfortunately, we're all in the pumpkin patch. Wait, so does that mean, so you are punking us? Yes. Well, no, I'm punking you because I did something bad to you. Okay. Okay. I forgot and I punched Slimman. Picklew revives him again.

This is why Esmeralda hates you. Please let me make my confession. Okay. You can't punk too hard or the celebrity will freak out, okay? I understand, but this is an important confession because it will help you in the battle to come, I think. Okay, okay, okay. Fine. When you came here to this land, Strah stole your power through the mist that he controls. Yeah.

But he had nowhere to pull. put it. And that is when he forced me to use my magical knowledge of the ethereal plane to craft vessels, tiny vessels, much like the girth a yurt that can hold a vast expense within. All of the strength he stole from you now resides within these hearts of sorrow. One, I believe, was broken in your battle against Velaki, but two remain. So just know that when you face him, he will most likely be wearing the world. his hearts and they will give him extra strength. How do he take some back?

Is it like a necklace that we can steal and put on ourselves? Or do we have to break his heart? They have been attuned to him. Okay. So you would not be able to reclaim the power, but you could perhaps steal it from him. But to steal such a powerful gym from him would require you to lure him into a false sense of complacency or perhaps even let him think he was biting you so that you could get close enough to steal it.

it would be a risky gamble. Yeah, that's to punk strad? Oh my God. Indeed. The ultimate punking. I'm trying to even think of who that would be like punking, but like I can't even... Michael Jordan. It's a punking his erness himself.

A risky business indeed. Yeah, it just, you couldn't. Yeah, he's just too dialed in. He's just too dialed in. It's like punking Ashton. Okay, they actually, I think they've done that. To punk the punker. Yeah, I think he gets punked.

Yeah. Okay. Go on, Raymond. Stop talking about punked. What are you obsessed? It didn't happen. The room didn't happen. Listen, I am still quite weak, but perhaps you said Esmeralda was here somewhere?

Yeah, she's upstairs. We're just afraid there's a bellhop and we don't want him to catch us. And also, again, Strauss just playing the piano, and he's just right there. We don't want anyone to fail a stealth check and then start the dinner. Also, I can probably help you. Do you trust me? I simply must. You punked me, but I punged you right back.

Life are in each other's hands. Okay. Here. Feels the magic of Samud. And I'm going to healing hands him for seven hit points. Yeah, you give him seven hit points. He perks up a little bit. Thank you.

I'm feeling much better. But unfortunately, I don't have any of my spells to my name. Okay, give it back. No, really? How? You're the freaking mage. Yeah, here's the wizard. Okay, look, I'm going to be honest.

There was, like, a fortune teller, and she kind of made it like you were a big deal. So, like, do you have anything else besides, like, necklace knowledge? Or what? So far, all you've done is like kiss a monkey in front of us. Yeah. And then you're like, I stole your power and like, don't try to get it back because it's risky.

Like, that's what I'm getting from this. There is, well, I've given you knowledge, which is all a wizard can ever give. Oh, my God. But there is one other thing. Thank God you let us know that you gave strata powers. Thanks for the knowledge. That's awesome. Against my will.

You're the man, Liam. He threatened that he would kill Esmeralda. Well, he did. Just kidding. Just kidding. We got your. You should have seen your face. He looks at a camera.

He looks at Piccolo, like Piccolo's a camera. Wait, before we leave, though, do you have any advice for Nyack? Because he's taking your place. Yeah. Can you do the manacles for me? I do. Yes. Nyack, is that his your name?

Yeah. He looks at you and Piccolo whispers something in his ear. And he says, you've been kind to Piccolo. I think I do have one last parting gift for you. Oh. I wish that I could send Piccolo along with you, but he is important to me and Esmerelda,

and I would truly hate to lose him, but I think I could give you something even better. How would you like for me to teach you to make your own familiar? My own, my own Piccolo? My neck reaches in to his pocket and grabs the lumpy mound of glass. This. He stifles a look. This is perfect.

Yes, this is a good start. This is where all magic begins. This is not really a start. This is the finished product. Yeah, he wants to make a little ball guy. This is a final. That just looks like a mess. Just a little lumpy mess, I see.

Just a little lumpy guy. I'm not really looking for feedback on the glass. He just takes out her angel baby box in the background trying to get a compliment. Wow, because Zowie, look at that. Oh, my. We both did glass blowing, but one of us got special attention. It's not exactly fair. All three of us got a diploma, so who gives a shit.

Googly-moogly, look at that. That's incredible. Are you talking about my thing or her thing? I can't tell who you're looking at. They, well, craftsmanship aside, they both contain a small sliver of your soul. is the power of building a familiar, is imbueing a little bit of yourself into what you craft, channeling your love into something that you care about and something that you wish to protect that will also protect you. Do you happen to have an instrument on you or something like that? It works

better. Oh, of course I have an electric flute. You see Liam and holds out the flute and starts playing it. And these notes kind of fill with this. Oh, monkey lips. Rich tune. And the little glass lumpy monkey starts to glow. And you see these little like sparkling embers appear inside of it. And it starts to shift.

And Nyack, what form would you like your new familiar to take? Oh, my God. I, well, you know, I always wanted it to be a monkey. So I think I'd like it to be a lumpy glass monkey. It doesn't have to take any other form than the one it already is. It's just because of a living form of what he already had made. You see, Liamann plays this flute, and it, like, transforms into this beautiful, perfect glass monkey, but then kind of, like, lets out a big sigh and goes back to a lucky form.

It's beautiful. It looks like it hurts for it to live. Like a pug. Wrap. Wrap, rap. It's breathing. It's breathing really heavy, but it's breathing. You see it just painstakingly crawls up under your shoulder

and starts like picking gnats and lice out of your hair again. Yes, this is the Liamans thrilling familiar. You give a little bit of your soul in exchange you can cast this spell once a day without burning a spell slot. Additionally, as a special gift to you, you can place one spell inside of it. As a parting gift, I would happily grant you one of mine. Piccolo has a couple stored inside of him.

Really? Yes. And the options I have for you are mirror image, web, counterspell, lightning bolt, or shield. Shield freaking rocks. Yeah. So does counterspell. And web is true. I think counterspell is good.

Webb is also kind of net themed, which is really interesting. But I think I think I've like, learned how to deflect all of the criticism for my lumpy monkey. So counterspell feels right. I'm shutting things out. Excellent. You see Piccolo touches a finger to your new lumpy monkey's forehead and imbues him with this counter spell spell.

And you see it kind of like floating around inside this glass monkey, which clutches you closely, ready to be your new companion in battle and in life. Liam and Pats Piccolo approvingly, then turns to you, Nyack. And now, my friend, all familiars need a name to make them such. What shall you name this monkey, Nyack? I'll call you Glass ass. Are we being punked right now? It's a punky.

It's a terrible name. I don't know. I'll probably give a different name. name later. I would die for you, glass ass. Very well. If you don't mind, I will

teleport away with Piccolo and we will regroup with Esmer Elbe. I thought you were out of spells. Well, I'm out of spells, but Piccolo has a couple left inside him that I can access. He didn't say that. You have to tell us if you have a spell piccolo. She hates you.

She hates you. Piccolo scratches you really hard. Oh, fuck. I'm sick again. I'm so sick again Jesus So aggressive I use the netty pie again

I don't know if that's going to cure it This is like outbreak shit I'm fine Your eyes are super red Jens hides the brutally infected cut I'm fine Jen's you shouldn't take any plane rides anytime soon

I'm fine Knight puts on a hazmat suit over his hamburger costume Piccolo puts on a Von Dutch hat and looks at camera and then spits out a teleport spell scroll and Liamund and Piccolo vanish off to regroup with Esmeralda and Keychain.

Now all waiting above for your inevitable ambush on Strad. And that leaves you alone in this jail cell to plot your next moves within the bowels of Castle Ravenloft. And that is where we will end our session. Okay. Okay. The broom didn't happen. There was no broom in the room.

What broom? I don't know what we're talking about. All right, guys. That was a really fun entryway into Castle Ravenloft. Not at all how I expected things would go. Really? You didn't think we'd go straight down the shoot? Can't wait to talk about it.

I thought maybe you'd eat like at least one tree. Dude, as soon as I saw Strada, I was like, I'm going around before I wake this guy up. That's the way you got to do it. That is the triplets way. I'm excited to discuss how things played out and what awaits us in the future. Thank you also so much for listening. If you'd like to hear us talk about this episode,

you can do so at patreon.com slash nadpod. We are. N-A-D-D, don't, don't sing yet. Please. Thank you. Thank you. Folks, we got live shows to plug, I believe. Do we not?

We do. On March 16th, we're going to be at the Sydney Opera House in Australia. Yes. It's our only show. that we're doing in Australia, so come see us there. Scoop tickets now. We've also got on April 10th. We're going to be at Radio City Music Hall in New York. So grab tickets for that. There's a few left. You can go to nadpod.com slash live. We got some tricks up our sleeve for that show. I'll just say it. We sure do. My sleeve is laden. One last plug, shop.netpod.com. We just dropped a beautiful new

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at AX for Demley, and at your coach is Jake. And you can talk about the show online using hashtag Nadpot, the 10 ADD-D-POD. We are, we are, we are, the youth of the nation. We are, we are, the youth of the nation. It's the end of the show, everybody, and that means I need to shout out our benevolent council of elders, starting with Brad D, Jeffrey S, Lord of the Fjord, later McSater, Matt M, Cutter W, Daniel G, Daniel the Dastardly Dame, Carpe Liam, Victor T, A.Kalor's boy,

Hoyd's friend, Justin I, Danny Danster, Tj M, Trayley the Cray, Dr. Oey, Now You Have to Say It, Jordan L, Cyborg version of Josh the Cobalt, Targott, Stevie Wags, Hellish Rebuker the NBDM Ph.D., Jack L. Nicholas C, star of every film ever made in Bohumia, Mike H, Alka Smelzer Plus, Great Value Jemma, Tyler F, Hercule Poirot, the Rabbit Folk Detective, Timmy R, Jakes, Jerk, Jelly, hashtag CCC, CASE, Stephen C's drunk monk, says, Honor the Cork. Nick W, Nico, the underpaid English teacher, William W, Big Bad Beardo the Mad, Percival Frederick Stein von Musil Klausowski de Rolo the 3rd

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dressed in blue and fighting his way through a bracket-style tournament. Valin. Podge the Bichin Bard. Druidic Payton. Carlin C. Omri M. Noah the Gentleman Fister. Hashtag honor the cock. James G. Everything Bego, the Eladron who just wants to hang out with his pet badger stripy, Reverend Chatterbones, Han, Eric B., Marcos Ph.D., eventually, learns the balanced druid, Frida M, Maggie, Holly the Green Laughing Hina, Papa Bumbino in Chino's, Bud Heavy, Russell H, Cody C, Lorelei the Succulent, Snack, Your Friendly Neighborhood Yon and Yonkul, Andrew and Sid, Snow, now back to the show, Mr. Adams. James F. Wayfarer now has to do something with the trolls. Get rid of them turn to page 42. Keep them turn to page 69.

Soft, loose, uncertain hand. Oreo, Barpo Goodbarrel, Bard Barbarian, Charlie Brown's best friend, Renee the Monster Captain, Olivia the Enchanting Bard, and Jared the soap opera cleric, who are prepping an epic playlist for the final battle. Blue Ash, Fico, J. Kegard. The Sugarbom Fairies are out caroling. Happy Hoglidays. Cantrip Dumbledore, the bear onesie wearing barbarian. Lexi H. M.J., the BFG. Roger L. No Drag the Pass A Fist, Barbarian, Brian L. and Eric B., two run-in-buds. Jean-Lucca, Leon K., legendary hero of Bohumia from a future campaign. Shenanigans O'Connor. Mios the Great. Joshua S. Alexander.

Lynn's W, Sky the Wise, and former lone dungeon master, the spudfucker himself, Johnny Dudeke, The Mischiff of Nadpods Familiar, Jake Well Murphily, Tim M, Dragon Knight 86, Richard, Strungle, the main event, TR, MLG Cheeto, Shell B, Kenna's first favorite Sprite Girl, Surprise Round Battle of the brand, Spudfuckers vs Parma Charm, Who Comes Out on Top? I gotta go with Spudfuckers. Jet S. Snailist, the Eldridge Snail. French Toast is my wife, Jake, how could you? Stormy 52, Memaw Sky Days, Megan N, Anthony B, Bown's best friend Steve, Stephanie of Hausenzoon, Benjamin A, Gimley the Corgi, Pop-on Foster's canine friend. McHal A, Triple S-tier, Crickwater Enjoyer, Josh H, Pilot of the Nightmareverse Flight,

The two crew blew through. Ethan the mailman, Maple the shy bookworm, Nick A.J. Ashosaurus, Seth the Stroker, bearer of all hog-related burdens. Billy Batson, Tori, the tungsten dragoose, left with a warehouse full of Grinch blow-up dolls after Murph and Emily skipped their last pickup. Michael L.S. the second, Carl B., Plummer of the Realm,

Ace Dregs, High Lord of Critsburg, Vin Diagram, D.M. Charby, Catamilius, the Consume. Cam, the Frog Lidaze man, Dean, Jake W says, Hi, Mom, Tyler O, the Mile High Bastard, Tuesday Cross, only here for the Surf and Murf, We Love You Rat Jesus, Smoors, Tyler McEm, Gawd, Gaw, Zibbacri, Kaylee, Katarina C, Carly C, totally definitely, not the Grinch, wink. Casey J, Papa's Litigation Associate, Greg W,

there's so many of us now, but hey, you're doing great, and we love you, thanks, Greg W. Baruch Thunderhelm, Fifth Generation Minotaur, working as an abandoned Labyrinth tour guide, Chupac Aubrey, Cappy B of the Schooner Lewis R. French, Boney is dead, the Waterworth, your four-legged Greg companion, Nick, the raging Ranger Echo Ashmore, Aegh 15 Kunari, watch me kick-flip my mech, not a DJ but we'll take the gig, DJ Drama Mean, Chef Julie B, Mama Mayhem, The Moderately Touted, Jen Rules Kinda, Thomas C, Thomas C, Little Dark Lotus creations

Kendra M. Joshua H. Jacob M. Lou H. A.J. Dinko. Ben V. Prince Slagathor III. Shinka Ketsune. And finally, Lainey Stoop. Thank you all so much for listening. Thank you to all of our listeners, all of our Patreon subscribers, and of course our Benevolent Council of Elders. You can head on over to the Patreon to listen to our after show The Short Rest. In the meantime, we'll catch you all next time.

That was a hate gum podcast. Thank you.