Not Another D&D Podcast - Trinyvale X Strahd - Ep. 23: A Memorable Feast

Episode Date: February 20, 2026

CAMPAIGN FINALE! The Triplets meet with the Manager of Barovia and prepare to lodge the ultimate complaint. Jens gets defensive, Nyack shows his glass, and Onyx unleashes shell as the Trinyvale X Strahd crossover CONCLUDES! Thanks so much for listening and supporting the show!Get tickets to our Radio City and Sydney Opera House shows HERE!CREDITSEditing by Brian Murphy & Caldwell TannerProduction and Sound Design by Daniel Ramos (@Schubirds on IG)Logo Design by Chelsea LeCompteMUSIC INCLUDES:"Trinyvale Opening Theme" by Emily Axford"The Gate" by Emily Axford“Strahd” by Emily Axford“Moonsick” by Emily Axford“Oh Melora” by Emily Axford“Lights Out” by Emily Axford“Barovian Tango” by Emily Axford“Half Brothers” by Emily Axford”“A Memorable Feast” by Emily Axford“TechGnomek” by Emily Axford“Obsidian” by Emily Axford"The Night Lotus" by Emily Axford"The Shard" by Emily Axford“The Journey of the Three” by Jens Christian Tvilum"Trinyvale Closing Theme" by Emily AxfordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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An architectural triumph and perhaps a triumph of D&D as well. Perhaps we shall see. Undoubtedly. Guarinduced. Guaranteed good show. March 16th. Scoop your tickets quick because it is the only show we're doing in Australia. You're going to want to be there.

It's going to be a good show. big show. One big show. Be on the lookout for that. Nadpod.com slash live. We'll see you there. Yeah. This is a headgum podcast.

Welcome to Trinneville. Trinneville. And also Barovia. Barovia. The last time I will say that very specific combination of words. It's bittersweet folks. Unless you guys do something really crazy and we need to do five words. I joined Straug.

What? Sorry. Barring that very specific incident, this is the final episode of Trinnavale X. Stroud. I have fortunately and gladly been your Dracula uncle, aka Drunkle called Will Tanner. Let's give it up. Let's give it up. Oh, come on.

Thanks so much. That's so polite. Really nice. Guys, what's to sound like? You're trying to make it sound like a nut sack hitting a butt. kidding about me out. I'm trying to. Come on, man.

That is hardcore penetrative sex, Murph. Jake gets it. Go on, Caldwell. Talk about a finale. And I'm joined, as always, by my pornographic players, Brian Murphy. Feeling pleasure

because I rated Strad's treasure. Gens Lindell. Very nice. And, of course, Stop it! I'm getting too horny to read stuff. My eyes are crossing. And of course, another treasure at the table, we've got Emily Axford.

Now that I have a shell, I'm in fucking a hell. Onyx Lumier. No, it's not sad. I actually love it. Emily loves it. Because I love to make onyx hate it. That's the beauty of the dissonance right there. And now I'll give a big table shallow to Jake Hurwitz.

Here comes the man who's going to burgle your ham. Nyack of the Rantafor. Ham? That's right. I'm the ham burglar still. He decidedly doesn't do that. Wow, the ham burglar, theoretically he should be burgling ham. I think that's within his scope for sure.

That's in his purview. We talked about this a little bit on a short rest, I think, where the hamburger, like, he doesn't often get the hamburger. So what is he eating? And I think he's just like going to, yeah. He's going to Kroger's and he's just like swiping ham. He's trying to be a hamburger burglar, but it's not. In reality, he's a hamburger, and he steals from Arby's. That's right.

He's getting that honey bake. Yeah. They had the meats. Emphasis on had. Although, take it away. Of course. Thanks for that glowing set. Wow.

Okay, before you guys slam your ball sacks into the episode, how about a quick recap? Please. Sure. Okay. When last we met, you three had rendezvoused with Liam Mund and we're making your way towards the catacombs with a new lumpy glass monkey friend in tow. Inside the crypts, you saw a number of tombs, including ones for Strad, Sergei, the former king and queen, and most importantly, yourself.

You also found Kiril Stoyanovich, your werewolf ally who you met in Valki, and he promised to help you in the final battle but went to take a short rest in the Hall of Bones. After exploring the personalized tombs that Straud prepared for you, you headed down into the golden tomb that house King, Barov and Queen Ravanaughia, but found it blocked by a powerful curtain of blue light, beyond which you heard ragged screams and howls. Next, you found your way to Sergei's tomb, where you discovered a ladder leading up to the study, as well as the entrance to the amber vault, within which dwells the remnants of a long-dead

God. Upon entry, a fierce wave of psychic energy assaulted you, but the energy was absorbed by the egg that the Korvac's skull gave you. The egg then hatched. revealing a reborn baby Corvac. Cute. Who, despite your protests, flew out of the castle and refused to join your party. Heading instead to Luna Lake to feed. Once inside the vault, you found four remnants of the dark god known as Yog Zadun,

one of which a crystal tooth had already been claimed by Straud. Ariana pinged Onyx and said that they could take one dark gift as a finder's fee. Onyx chose the nail of Yog Zadun. which gave her 30 extra hit points, but also scaly skin and a massive turtle shell. A dark gift indeed. And so you left the room with new purpose and a new tortoise. Yes. From there, you proceeded to the study, where you met Strad's accountant, Leif Lipsidge.

Fearing for his life, Leif explained that Straud's treasure was hidden somewhere in this room, but only a treasure keeper's magic lantern could find it. Jinz then realized he had such a lantern, and with a Nat 20 roll, quickly solved the puzzle and found Strad's treasury hidden behind a large portrait of Sergei. Inside the treasure vault, you found all sorts of awesome, questionably broken loot, as well as a desk and a board that revealed to you the true nature of Strad's curse. Unlike everyone else in Borovia, Sergei's soul will never reincarnate. And so, laden with treasure and knowledge, you finally headed to your dinner with Strad.

Once you entered the room, the vampire rose from his piano and invited you to dying. He explained that at last he had come to a realization and no longer wanted Tatiana alone. Instead, he now wants all four of you to join him as his eternal consorts. With his dark plan revealed, the vampire drank a toast and summoned six vampire spawn from their hiding places. As the spawns skittered down to attack, the straw standing before you melted away, revealing him to be nothing more than an illusion. Just then, the doors all over the castle began to close as Strad's will attempted to trap you inside the dining hall.

However, his plan was thwarted by Keychain, who blocked the door and allowed Esmeralda and Liamon to enter. He told you that it was time to let the big dog off the leash, then pushed you out the door and towards the catacombs where your destined meeting with Strad awaits. And that is where we are now. So you hear fighting unfold inside the dining hall, spells crackling, blades being unsheathed as they launch into the battle against these vampire spawn. But for you, you have a different mission.

You rush down the steps, past the wine cellar, and into the hall of bones, where you see Carol Stoyanovich sleeping on top of a large bone table. Big dog, wake up. Let's go time. It's go time. Big dog time. All right. Yeah, big dog time. Oh,

Let's go, let's go. Let's go, let's go. He headbutts you flat over. Ow, my fucking hell, my new hell. I'm sorry. What the hell? The gem messed. Oh, my God.

That hurt. It's like I cracked a gemstone. Jeez Louise. Oh, sorry. He's got to look excited. Okay, fine. Walk it off. Walk it off.

All right. Jen's mad. We can try to get rid of him if you want. Maybe. I don't know. Just walk really fast. He can't keep a lot. Okay, I start walking really fast.

All right, look at that. Look at that. Strong pace. Solid stride. Okay, Jen's starting to be won back. All right, Big Dog. Come on. He does that little, like, skipping clap

that you see athletes do. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He's the Fox NFL robot. And you see, like, he runs towards the arched lineage of the catacombs and jumps up and, like, slaps it with his hand. Oh, you got to. All right, big dogs.

Let's do this. Let's take down this fucking guy. All right. Flame tongue. Flame on. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Me too.

I wink. Yeah. So you guys head down towards the catacombs. But as you approach, Marina says, do you guys mind if I take one of the potions we found? That acid door fucked me up pretty bad. Oh, right. Yeah.

How many did we find? I believe Nyack used one last time. Yeah, I chugged one. We had two and then keychain. Give us three more, right? I have the list here. You found four in the treasury. And then you used two protection from evil and good spice pouches.

and then you have three potions from keychain, one healing, one resilience, which is plus one AC for 10 minutes, and then one weak healing, which is just 1D8 versus the good healings, 2D8, and you have three potion of greater healings remaining. So I can just take this weaker healing one if you want. Perfect. No. I love that.

Okay, take a regular one. Really? You mean it? Yeah, take a regular one. Okay, wow. Nyack hands it over so slowly. To be only medium-dogged by Jins. What an honor. Yeah.

Do you want to take this resilience one, Nyack? Yeah. Yeah, sure. I mean, he can be a bit more in the background. Maybe you should take it. He is pretty far in the background. Because you have to... That's an excellent point.

Jen drinks it. I assume you're offering me the empty vial. Yeah, you're like that. You can keep the violets. It's kind of a cool one. Yeah, this is neat. You know how, like, you'll get, like, Crown Royal and you get the little bag and stuff?

This one looks to be the same kind of situation. Epic. Yeah. You can have, like, the bag. It says resilience on it. It might be fun to kind of put, like, a water in there or something. That does a really exaggerated fist bump. Glass ass gives you a thumbs up.

I love you. Really should have been named Lumpy Glass Monkey. I'm going to roll the potion for Marina real quick. Oh, you know what? I'll do something nice. Why not? Choose up to three creatures within range. Each target's hit point maximum and current hit points increased by five for the duration.

I'm going to cast aid on me, Nyack, and Onyx. I do it. Here's how I'm nice. I do it while Marina is drinking it, so she doesn't know. So we get five 10 points? So we get five, 10 pit points. Yeah. Amazing.

Good. Okay. I have my blindfold on and my earmuffs in while I was drinking so I didn't know what was happening. Perfect. Great.

Nothing happened. Literally nothing at all. Awesome. Great. I'm back to full as well. Shall we proceed? I'm beyond full. Thanks to my brother,

James. No, we're all exactly at full. We're all exactly at full. Yeah. We're full of piss and vinegar. My cup is overflowing. Yeah. Like metaphorically, I got it, of course.

He's got, he's excited about his new little bag, his new little bottle. It seems kind of fun. It's fun. Yes. We would fill that bag with, the entrails of our victims. That's honestly disgusting.

You won't fill it with anything. It's my bag. Of course. Sorry, I'm just getting excited. I saw the werewolf get like really amped and that kind of like was rubbing off on me. Yeah. Okay.

Well, I think we're ready to go in, right? Shall we? Okay. Yeah, I'm ready. So you descend back into the catacombs. Once you arrive, you see that heavy Port Cullis doors now hang over the entrances to Straud and Sergei's tomb. But as you walk closer to the entrance to the King and Queen's tomb, you see that the blue curtain of light has been lifted.

Deeper within, you hear the same ragged howling you heard before. This time tinged with notes of both sorrow and joy. Oh, who's moaning? Who's doing the sorrow and joy? Do you want to give me a perception? Sure. Big Dog, can you give this, like, a little sniff? Yeah, I get advantage on that shit.

That's 17. Dirty 20. Freaking 9. Okay. With Onyx's dirty 20, you guys edge up close to where the blue curtain was and you listen. And this is the voice of Straud. He seems distraught about something. He's kind of moaning and carrying on.

He seems unaware of your approach. Acity and ecstasy. He just invited us. Oh, wait. Oh, it was a. It was there for a while and we got here so late. Is he upset that we're late? Oh, is he sad?

Is he so sad because we're late? I feel so bad. Perfectly. What the hell? Should we pretend like he got us? Should we be like, oh my God, you got us? Yeah, the vampire spawned Ada said. Oh, yeah.

We can pretend to be dead. Yeah. Okay, so we shouldn't go in because we're pretending to be dead. Okay. So wait, that's coming from. beyond his parents' tomb? Yes. Onyx is just going to do a blood-curdling scream.

I don't know where this is headed, but sure. Okay. You like aim it towards like the tomb, like into the king and queen's tomb? Damages. Jen's hearing. Fuck! Yeah. So before you do that scream, I'll say that you guys,

listening close and here is what you hear issuing forth from inside the tune. This, this is where it all began. This wretched curse. You, father, with your oldest scholars and their full pursuits, a new mother, with your infinite love for my weak brother. You, you set me on this path. You drove me to this ruin. You hear that and then you let the blood-turdling scream. Okay, if I had heard that, I wouldn't necessarily. Well, he's upset about the turtle, I think. Yeah, taking the power, yeah.

Oh, oh, Onyx, is that you? Yes, Trot. Your illusion was so enticing and I ran down here because I really want to sleep in a crypt that looks like a cruci. Oh, forgive me, friends. You catch me airing old grievances. Yeah, you were crying a lot. I was not crying.

I was airing grievances. It is very different. You were moaning and bellowing. Certainly. We thought you were ill. It was poetic moaning. Yeah. I was lamentating.

You could be very different. We could settle on lamenting, yes. I'm just saying lamentating kind of sounds like breastfeeding. Like he's lactating. Quichick, his shirt. Tears were being milked from my face. Sure. Yeah.

That's a sort of a turn of a week. Anyway, I do apologize for being inhospitable. Please calm down. Okay. I guess I'm going to cast greater invisibility on myself an attack. I guess I'll, wait. I'll make a show of like stomping and walking down while Onyx makes the first attack. Okay.

Shit. Okay. Everybody go ahead and roll initiative. All right. Ooh, natural 20. See, I'm excited when I roll a Nat 20 on a crit. Let it be known. 17.

22. Damn, 26 for me. 26. Yeah, with the Nat 20. I'm going to not have Casquerader invisibility on myself because we're rolling initiative. Okay. Just for the listeners at home, that spell slot was not used. Gotcha.

I'm going to roll Straud's initiative. I bought new dice for this. I have not rolled them yet. So it could be anyone's game here. Please be trick dice. It's a 10. Wow, completely average. Perfect dice.

Damn. Wow, well balanced. Great dice. That's a dice you can set your watch too. Unless it rolls another 10. Yeah. Well, then you can really set it. It's great.

Okay, initiative is rolled. Let's get into it. How are you going to proceed down here? Onyx, you're not going to cast invisibility? No, I was just joking because I think I'm going to just attack. Great. All right. You guys are just going to launch down? Sure. Yeah. Let's do it. Okay. You guys run down these steps. You hear Strad say, yes. Come, come. You shall bear witness to the

birth of a new dynasty. Mother, father, on this day, the house of Zoravich is reborn. Oh, I forgot to roll for Glassass ass got a 17, Strzra. I'm so sorry. I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure Glass As acts on your turn. It's on the fine familiar spell it says that he gets its own initiative Oh okay great it's a new role Wow good for you guys want to take that again go up the stairs one more time No okay I'm honestly upset I had like a whole thing I was gonna say about how you're pushing us around And how you're pushing the people of this around but no I'm glad glass ass can act on

Glass ass gets a moment you already have a jeweled helm okay you know I don't strad I don't want to like give anything away but I don't think he has that much HP The glass monkey, you're kidding. Yeah. Brother. So as you guys rush into this tomb, let me give you a quick layout of what you see. So this tomb is 40 feet on each side. Behind you is a small flight of stairs with a landing in the middle. You'll recall that that is where the blue curtain of light used to be.

Cool. On the far end of the room is a wall made of stained glass, caked in dust and dirt. In the center of the room, you see two white marble coffees. resting on golden slabs. The one on the left reads King Barra von Zarovich. The one on the right reads Queen Ravanovia van Royen. Torches line the two walls leading to the stained glass, and the vaulted ceiling overhead is 30 feet high and inlaid with beautiful gold mosaics. You see Stroud standing between both of the coffins. He wears a gold brooch on his neck, and his fingers are laden with heavy golden rings

that all have gyms inlaid in them. His cape flaps despite there being no breeze, and he grins his teeth glistening in the torchlight. And Jins, you are first to act. Woo! Okay. I'm a different guy than the last time you saw me. I have Flamedong now. I'm going to, Flamptong's already lit up.

I'm going to charge, and I'm going to make some attacks with, I'm calling it Flamed Tongue, it's the Sunsword. Gotcha. Oh, okay. If you hit him with this, that knocks out his ability to regenerate. Whoa.

So I'll make my two first attacks. That is a 25 to hits. A 24 to hit. And then I'll do my offhand and an 18 to hit. Jen's all three of those hits. Hell yeah. Okay. So I'm going to do a defensive flourish for the first attack.

Gotcha. 27 damage on the first attack. Okay. And I add six to my AC. Woo! And then second attack does 15 damage. And then the last one is not my fire sword, so we'll not do as much damage. It's just going to be nine damage.

Okay. And then, so to explain my 24 AC now, I'll say I've got this giant shield on my back. I just, I look at Onyx and then I turtle up. Oh, yeah. Mine is covered with gemstones now, right? Yeah. Okay, I flaunt it proudly. We're turtles now, Straub.

That's right. Yes, this land, it changes you, doesn't not? It does. It hits you into turtles. Yeah. That's not really what I mean. The turtles used to have a Pizza Hut thing, but now they're all about potatoes. Take whatever meaning you need.

Okay. So, Jens, that is 51 damage total. Yeah. Hell yeah. That's incredible. you slice into him with this flaming sword, the sunsword reborn. And you see one of the rings on his finger cracks,

and you see a small crystal heart falls to the ground and shatters. Whoa. Hearts of darkness. Very good. Very good. A strong opening to our dance, Jins. There's no dance. I'm just a turtle.

I rock back and forth. Even turtles can dance in the land of Parovia. If I will, it's so. Okay, Jens, that is your turn. Strad's still having fun, so he's just going to slide right up to you and return the favor. He's going to use a legendary action

to swipe at you with his unarmed strike. Okay, protect me, weird shield. But wait, do you have protection against evil and good? I do. Okay, so he's going to roll with disadvantage. Oh, sick. That is a Nat 20 and a two. Shout out to the two.

Thank God. Oh, poetic. Okay, these dice get it. I hate these dice. Okay, so he splashes at you, but he just scratches the back of your silver shield. Oh, everyone's tortling up in the club tonight, and I hate it. Who said you could go turtle mode in my house?

I have, my shield has a fetish. I don't remember what it was. A toe being longer than the other toe. It was the second toe being a little bit longer than the big toe, which I agree is sexy as hell. Everyone whisper your fetishes to me. It makes me stronger. Oh, okay.

Okay, so that was Straud's legendary action, and that's going to bring us to Nyack. Okay. Nyack is going to pop up between the two turtle shells and fire the dark wing bow. That's Zephyr Strike. This turtle snaps. 27 a hit.

Well, it hits, yeah. And that'll take my dream. Red Ambusher attack, that's a 19 to hit. 19 does hit. All right. And my, oh, fuck me. That's a Nat 1. Okay.

So the first two attacks hit. I'll use the acid on the Blackwing bow as well as favored foe. And that is going to be 51 damage. Oh. Good Lord. Twins, right? Whoa. Yeah, damage twins.

Damage twins. Give me a hug, brother. Stay away from me. Ow, your shell is so large. Nyack, you fire this arrow right at the brooch on his cape, and you see that hidden inside this golden brooch is another crystal heart, which shatters into mist. I'm going to break all your hearts, strad.

Now it's a party, huh? We're having fun now, are we? I'm excited that we're breaking your stuff, but I don't like that you have stuff, and you seem like you're fine, because we're hitting your stuff. I'm just going to get a new health bar, everyone. You do see that Strad looks totally fine.

He seems to see if he's taken no damage whatsoever. He dust off his cape. I used all my stuff. Strad grabs it his cape and throws it behind him and then just kind of gestures forward with his long clawed hands. He's going to take another legendary action this time at Nyack. I think he would probably not to Rules Lawyer and to be used.

selfless. Murph is saying this, not Jen's, but I'm right next to him. Yes, you're right. He probably has to hit me. That's a good point. And I'm turtled up. Thanks, brother. You have insane AC right now, don't you? Just to be clear, I'm not cheating. I'm not actually using the shield. That's just a joke. I have 24 AC from the from the Bardic. From the Bardic. All right. Well put. We respect the elder DM in this house. All right. So where do you think you are, Onyx? Are you still back a little bit? I'm probably wherever because we just got here. Yeah, okay. Yeah. All right, great. I think what he's going to do then is he'll just kind of smirk a little bit and then he will use a legendary action to jump back

towards the edge of the glass and then just kind of bite his time. He looks at his sharp nails and dusts off his boots and waits for you to join him. Okay. So he has put a little distance between all of y'all. You are all at the front of the room. He's at the back. So I'll say there's like 30 feet of distance between you now. Okay. Okay. And that was Nyack's turn. That brings us to Curl, the Big Dog. All right, I'm just going to do what I do best and try and bite the shit out of him. Sound good? Do it up, Big Dog. All right,

let's do this. Oh! Okay, Kirill rushes up to where Straud is and swipes out in both times. Straud just as if he is dancing a waltz dodges both of these attacks. Kirol, you should really stay put. Bad dog. Oh, man. He pulls out a spritz bottle and sprits him in the face.

That's our thing. We do that with keychain. It will be our thing soon. You will all be a part of the Strad gang. The Zorovich clan welcomes you. And then we can all share inside jokes together. It will be beautiful. I don't hate the idea of all of us having inside jokes.

Right. We can all hang out in the crypt, and I will install special tubes for us to whisper to each other. Neat. That doesn't sound fun at all. Yeah, that actually sounds really weird. What if you just built central part? And we could all just go there together.

If you wish it, it shall be yours, Onyx. Huh. Onyx puts her weapon down. Okay, let's see. So that was Kirill's turn. Next up is The Layer. You see Straud kind of like surveys all of you in this room. And then he turns to Nyack and says,

Nyack, I see you have made your own familiar. You have awakened the abilities of a, wizard a mage in you. Much potential I see. But still you cling to the shadow. And the shadow clings to you. I need you to go ahead and make me a charisma saving throw.

Oh, no. Oh, he's not likable at all. I really don't have a lot of that. That's tough. Oh, but I do have advantage against being charmed. Okay, it's not that. Okay, great. Minus one to charisma. Let's see what happens. 15. 15. 15. Yikes.

So, Nyack, I have this heroic inspiration card. Oh, okay, that'll let you re-roll it. Okay. Nyak stumbles backward and then lifts up a tiny little card. You're no match for this, asshole. It's a Nat one. Nyack, you hold up this card bravely, but then you trip over a pebble on the ground and fall. And as you do...

I left this year. You just held up a pornographic playing card. Nyak, you look up at the torchlight and then back at your shadow and you notice that something strange is happening. A hand reaches out from the darky blackness of your shadow and grabs your neck. Suddenly another hand pulls itself free and you see a shadow being has emerged from your shadow and is going to try and drain your life force. This is going to be an attack. Fuck me. That's just a nine. It would be with disadvantage, right?

Because doesn't he have protection from good and evil? He does. So shout it to the two crew again. Wow. I'm going to have words for this dice shop. Let me tell you. Okay, so there is this shadow kind of lurking within your shadow hiding there. It will try to attack again if he uses it as a layer action.

You can try to attack it if you want, but it's just chilling for now, kind of like biting its time. I agree. So that is the layer action from Strad. That is going to bring us to Onyx. Okay, I have a haste, so I'm just going to attack three times. Oh, hey. Oh, before I do, I'm going to bonus action spirit shroud, and I think that I want my spirits to look like baby angels.

Sweet. Oh, right. It's so tacky. I think I'm just going to say, the morning Lord has come to reap. Before we were into turtles, we were into baby angels. And I'm going to attack. Okay.

First one is 11. I'm gonna use my heroic inspiration, so I want to hit. Does an 18 hit? Does. Okay. Second one, 14. I'm guessing that doesn't hit. And then third one is a 26.

Okay, so two of them hit. Yeah. I'm using Savage Attacker on the first one. Oh my God. I swear to God that I got this, 51. Whoa! Where's fucking God? The triplets.

Because I have plus back to the attack. I attacked twice, so that adds two. I got 12 radiant damage, 15 bludgeoning damage, 14 fire damage. It's meant to be the corpse star predicted it. Yes, my dark wig. Holy shit, the turtle with fucked up hair. This should be our castle. We could rule it.

We'd be benevolent leaders. We'll take it. We'll take the two. That's so weird. That's crazy. 51 straw pickup. The digit triplets. Oh, my God.

Okay. Yeah. You sock him with this mace. Oh. Jesus, Alex. My freaking god. My plexus. Good God.

You turtles. I sound like fucking shredder now. Yeah, that hurt him for sure. You see he coughs up a little blood, staggers, but then regains his composure. He is going to try and attack you now with his last legendary action. Okay. 18? Is that hits?

Okay. I am going to ask a reaction. I misty step in response to taking damage. Okay. He's still going to deal the damage to you? Yeah, yeah, for sure. He's learned a lesson watching his vampire spawn. He knows that you can do this, so he's not going to try and try and

grapple you. Okay. So after you baseball bat him in his stomach. He says, you disrespect me in my own home. Next to the eyes of my mother and father. A lesson must be taught. It sounds like they didn't like you that much based on what you were saying before we got here. They only

had love for Sergey. Me, I was just there to fulfill their dark wishes. Can we get into this? Were you older or younger? I'm older, yes. So it was like, oh, that's tough. I feel like you never hears that. I always feel like the first one is the golden child, so you must have really fucked up. Well, it was less that and more like, I took after my father and I was like this big conqueror.

I brought in new lands and conquered this whole valley in my father's name. And then like by the time I had conquered it, he was like, oh, I don't care about conquering anymore. I believe in arts and sciences and trying to get right with God. So that's why I'm founding these Olmest. And it was just like bullshit, you know, because like I had dedicated my life to serving him. And now we just want to like teach his precious little boy, Sergei, how to do astronomy. Sergei sounds awesome. Sorry, not to go too deep, but yeah, Sergey, he is really hot.

Yeah. Yes, okay, I know. You think I do not know this. And you're kind of busted. How dare you? I've been looks maxing for years. Yeah, I mean, maybe you went from like three to a four. I can tell you've been working on your jaw and nothing else.

Strad cuts you with his jaw for 12 damage. It's been smashing his mist with a hammer so that. He reconstitutes himself. He has a stronger jaw. Every time I turn to mist, my jaw grows back stronger. This is a lesson I could teach you as well. You could look, smacks and mug with me forever in the castle. I have actually disappeared.

I did my disappearing step, so I'm invisible now. Okay. So you disappear. You're fucking invisible. Awesome. Wow. So that's your turn. That does bring us to Strade in the initiative.

Since you used radiant damage. him he cannot regain HP. So what he is going to do in this turn is he says, Ah, Fay Trickery, two can play at that game. And he's going to swirl his hands through the air and start weaving in sort of a hypnotic way. And then suddenly his body splits into four different strads. He has cast mirror image on himself.

Can Glassass counter spell that? Whoa! Glass ass out of nowhere. Oh my God. Holy shit. Niak, describe to me how glass ass interrupts this spell. Glass ass climbs up on the top of my head. And I say, glass ass, no, you'll put yourself in danger.

And all of the like mirror images reflects in glass ass's glassy ass. Absorbs them and then crawls. back down. No, no, my duplicates. That's so embarrassing. That's so crazy. Someone's familiar, just counterspelling you. Jen's looks down.

You. You will be my new familiar for this. This will not stand. In friends, Ross got a monkey named Marcel. It was one of the best arcs of the series. I think that was in like the very first season, right? Yeah, I think they had a tough time. I'm shooting with it.

Yeah. It peaked early. Oh my God. So that was Straud's turn. He attempted to cast a spell, but couldn't. He has out of legendary actions. That is going to bring us to the bottom of the order with Marina.

Marina is going to use the hide action. She crouches behind one of these coffins, and she is going to give a blade dice to Jins. Who is going to next to act. You get six points. You can either subtract that from damage, or you can add it to your attack for your damage bonus.

Sick. Thank you, Marina. Of course. Yes, we do this together. Big dog behavior, honestly. You mean it? I do. Rough, rough, rough.

How's that? Rough, rough, rough. Yeah. Awesome. Marina, barks while remaining concealed. Great. And that is going to be your turn, Jens. Sick.

Okay. I will take my three attacks again. Why not? And I'll use defensive flourish again. 19, 15, 24. Two hits. Great. With the first hit, I will do a defensive flourish, and then I've got my fire and my radiant damage as well,

and then the other one's a little dinky off-hand attack. Mm-hmm. 28 damage total, and I add three to my AC. Nice. Jins, you see blood red mist just kind of pouring out of a few wounds on Strad now. He's starting to look a little upset, but he keeps his calm grin. pasted on his face. Jins, you've seen the truth

of my brother's fate. You would not want that to befall your brother, would you? Removed from all existence forever? I mean, no, I wouldn't prefer it. I certainly wouldn't prefer it. Right, okay, so we're talking logically here.

You would not prefer me to... I wouldn't prefer it. Erase your brother from existence. I would be... That would ruin my day. I'm not going to lie. It would ruin my day. You talking... about killing one of my friends here, one of the other big dogs.

That would absolutely, hell, that'd ruin my weak. I see. He said weak. Nyak weeps. I'm putting you down this con then. Keep that in mind as you proceed. Okay. So now, Straud has his legendary actions back.

He's at the back of the room. you guys have all followed him except for Nyack. I think he is going to keep a little distance. He can move 30 feet with a legendary action. So he's essentially just going to reverse course. And without taking opportunity attacks, zip back up to essentially the base of the steps. Oh, I teleported.

So he wouldn't take opportunity to attack. Okay, and he doesn't know where you are. So good to know. Cool. Great. So that's what he does for his legendary action. And that brings us back to Kirol. Kierl's going to pursue and trying to attack twice.

All right. Honestly, that was kind of a little dog. showing last time. That's all, hey, you know, we're all, um, you know, go ahead. Thought you'd have something like impactful to say to me. No, you're just right. You got a bad turn. You know, I need that.

I need that tough love. You said it wasn't much and we have to agree. Yeah. I was trying to spin it, but it's tough. And you know what, as a father, I understand. Yeah. You got to have tough love sometimes. Sure.

But here's some tough love right here. That's 218s. Both are going to hit. All right. All right. So the tough love works. He slashes into strawed for 12 damage. Woo.

Just a woo. Medium dog. It's just like everyone else do 51 on their first term. Okay, well, excuse me, but like, I've been eating rotten bread for like the past week because I'm not very good for my constitution. Glass ass is literally made of glass and he had a pretty epic turn. I have to admit, and it kills me to say this, glass ass was absolutely crucial. Glass has probably MPP.

He's got to be MFP. I honestly would have wasted like several attacks, would have done way less damage. Glass ass is just, wow. He's definitely getting like the game ball, right? This is tough. It's a really good monkey. All right, so that's Carol's turn.

Strad is going to... Oh, I'm so stupid. Can I do an extra six damage to him from Marina's thing? Oh, yeah. I forgot to use it at all. Of course, yeah. Extra six damage. You got it, Chief.

Let me add that on there. Appreciate you. Oh, look, he's dead. Just run up and kick him to the shins. That's for Marina. I'd be upset for a day if something to happen to her. And Kirill, hell, I'd be pissed for an hour. Whoa.

Okay, so that was Kiril's turn. Strad is at the base of the stairs. Nobody's near him. Yeah, Strad is actually going to just kind of casually turn around and walk up the stairs. I'm just going for a stroll. I want to see how my catacombs are doing. Nothing suspicious.

Goodbye. What? You can't? Walk away from me. You can't do that? Get back here. We're fighting. Straud just runs away in a really cool way.

What? So he takes 30 feet of movement, out of the tomb, up the stairs, and now he is in the catacombs proper. And that is going to be another layer action. As Straud leaves, you see all of the torches on the wall animate. They grow little metal wings and start flying. around. Ah, and they're all going to attack you.

More birds. 27 to hit. Yeah. Okay, so this hits everyone. That is going to be 15 flame damage. I think it should be with a disadvantage because I'm invisible. Right. Sorry.

And they have protection from good and evil. Okay. This is an object, so I don't think good and evil would apply to that. But yes, you're right. I'll roll disadvantage for you. Thank you. There you go. 19?

Yeah. Damn. Okay. Yeah, I'll say Onyx, that they kind of like swoop around in a wide arc. and just kind of graze you as well. So now there's this swarm of torches flying around the tomb, trying to guard Straud's exit. But that brings us to...

Oh, interesting. So at Initiative 19, from the top of the steps, you see Straud chuckle and say, let's make this a proper family reunion, shall we? Alana, show them the true power of the vampire.

Suddenly, a figure leaps from the top of the stairway and into the tomb. Her red scarf flying behind her. Yeah, helicopter pilot. As she lands, the wild-eyed pilot rips the scar from around her mouth, revealing a claw-mark scar and a set of razor-sharp fangs.

But despite all that, you recognize her instantly. You've seen her in a portrait in the burgomaster's house. Here before you is Marina's adopted mother and the last surviving member of the Olmast Order. A lot of Petrovna. The vampire spawn stands up and bows. What would you have me do, Master?

Continue the fight. I tire and shall be taking a quick break. Coward! You're a fucking loser, dude. I'm sorry, my son. Sorry, my social battery is drained. I'm an introvert. All vampires are.

Okay, that's buttoned up. So you see, Alana is now standing at the base of the stairs, kind of guarding the exit. This episode of NADPOD is brought to you by Factor. I used to just order a pizza and have it for dinner and then breakfast the next day. But that's expensive and also will eventually kill me. Factor makes healthy eating easy with fully prepared meals designed by dietitians and crafted by chefs, so eat well without the planning or the cooking. One of my favorites is the honey mustard chicken with rosemary potatoes and green beans.

It's got a bunch of protein. I'm getting my vegetables and I get to have honey mustard. So yeah, I'm pretty happy about that. There are 100 rotating weekly meals to keep things fresh and delicious through winter. Factor meals are made with quality, functional ingredients, including lean proteins, colorful veggies, whole food ingredients, and healthy fats. Always fresh, never frozen, ready in about two minutes. No prep, no stress. Head to Factor Meals.com slash Pawpaw 50 off and use code P-A-W-P-A-W-Five.

To get 50% off and free breakfast for a year, eat like a pro this month with Factor. New subscribers only varies by plan. One free breakfast item per box for one year while subscription is active. That's FactorMeals.com slash paw-paw-50 off. You hear Marina say, What's that? That voice? It sounded like, no.

I will not believe it. It is an illusion. I will keep on my blindfold. I will follow my sword master's instructions. No, it's okay, Marina. It's for sure your mom. Oh, my God. Yeah. If you're an adaptive mother, how do you feel about this? Like, I mean, obviously, I don't think you feel good, but are we allowed to hit her? Well, we have the, we have the herbs and spices. We can make a potato that can cure her. Oh, we also have a necklace. Yes, yes, of course. The necklace. Yeah. The periapt. We could try to save her. But I think, I've learned much on this journey. I think that we must. not give in to kindness now. There will be time when the sun rises for kindness and kind words, but for now we must fight. Okay.

I will aid you, but I cannot strike her. That is all I can do. Okay. Okay, so you want us to strike her? So we're going to hit her a lot. Feel reluctant about it, but yes. Okay. Great.

You got it. All right. Yeah, it must be done. Try to just knock her out and then we'll feed her a potato with the herbs and spices. I think that has to happen in the morning. Oh, okay.

Right on. That's why. So that's a good comment. We'll just, yeah, we'll just knock her the hell out. Yes, just knock her the hell out. Knock out my mom, I guess. Okay, yeah. Just clunk my mom if you don't like.

We just, we have to. Okay, that's going to be Alana's turn, but wait, Nike, did I skip you? I think so. Fuck. Okay, yes. You can go, if you want to get a hit off on Strad before he leaves, I'd allow that because you've got range.

But Strad is currently upstairs. It's up to you, but it is your turn. I'll let you act now. Okay. Well, since we just cleared with Marina that we can hit her mom, I'm going to just loosen arrow. And as it's flying towards her, I'm just going to turn and be like,

arrows are cool. Blonde arrows? Oh, remember, we're only knocking her out as arrows fly by. I am going to Zeper Strike. That's a 21 to hit. Hits and then a dirty 20 on my second attack. Okay. I will save some of my other stuff for Strad, though.

That is going to be 25 days. damage. Nice. Okay. After telling Marina that you wouldn't rough up her mom too much, two arrows thud into her chest and knock her back. She's going to be okay. Non-n-lethal, yeah. Oh, those are in deep. Oh, my God. Yeah, you rough her up a little bit, Nyack, but she still has some fight in her. And that is going to bring us back around to Alana's turn. I think she is going to, after getting struck by you, return the favor and cast Ray of enfeeblement.

Marina said it was okay. These are already enfeebled. Yeah. That is such a rude spell. Your monkey has insulted my master. And now I will make you insult yourself with bodily noises and fluids.

Are you going to give me gas? And more, my friend. Jokes on you. He already asks it. Jokes on you. He can't eat anything. Yeah. I have a.

Parasite. This is a constitution saving throw. Oh, fuck me. Also not good at that. It's a 14. That's one under, unfortunately. And with my minus one, I rolled a 15. So you see this sickly green beam shoots from her palm and right into your mouth as you go,

wait. You just gave me chartia. Okay, let's see. Target has disadvantage on the next attack roll makes until the start of your next turn. Disadvantage on strength-based D-20 test for the duration. You also subtract 1D-8 from all damage rolls. You can repeat this save at the end of each of your turns.

Ending the spell of you succeed. Okay. Your body takes on just like a sickly green pallor as you buckle over. Glass ass tries to comfort you, but he's hitting your stomach in a way that just makes you even more nauseous. Please. Enough glass ass. Blass settled.

down. Okay, so that's Alana's turn. That brings us to Straud's final legendary action. He does something out of your sight. Fucking loser! Who runs from a fight? He did get hit

by your Sunsword, right? Oh, yeah. So that means he can't heal, right? Oh, shit, yeah. So take comfort in that. Yeah, for now. So that is going to be to do, do, Aonix's turn. Okay, I'm going to try to get to Strad via knocking out Alana.

Okay. My first attack will be with advantage because I'm invisible. Nice. Not 20. There you go. I will a savage attacker to see which one. Yes, Colank my mommy.

Does you want to use my super cool strad dice? It rolls really well. Could you imagine rolling a 10? 4D3 damage. Wow. Oh, okay. 14 of that is radiant. Okay.

And is that just one attack? Yeah, my first attack. Sick. Christ, okay. Is she still standing? She's still standing. I will attack her again in my second attack. Nat 20.

Holy shit. Yeah. Give you that dice. Give it to me. No way. I'm going to give it to me. I'm going to use that dice. I'm here to give you up to me just one time.

I just get to use it one time. I'm allowed to come up a ski, guys. It's this eye of soror. Brandeis. No, it was the other one. It was this one that. Oh, shit. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you know what it is? It's your fucking fingers. Incredible. Those are damn fingies. 47 more damage. Eight of that is radiant. Oh, my God. Onyx.

Finish Marina's mom. With a Nat 20. I'm going to say I successfully take her right to zero without going any further. Out of respect for Marina. She says you'll have to do better than that to stop me. Oh! I really liked your recipe book. Oh, thank you.

Yes. We're going to try out some of your proprietary recipes on you. It worked. You see, like, as she fades from consciousness, like a flicker of her comes back and she says, the beryllium, it worked. Yes. Everything that you ever invented is correct.

You've never done a single thing wrong in your life. That can't be true. you don't have to go that far I took some liberties but I am telling you we just took the protection from good and evil and it worked on both of them it worked

yes it worked and we're gonna be able to cure you okay this is your work this is gonna be like feeding Dave Thomas a junior bacon cheeseburger okay this is your delicious try to conjure that image keep hang on to that image as your consciousness made

I must be hallucinating those words didn't make sense okay so Dave Thomas I think was the guy who said Hisses, reverts to vampire form, and then passes out. Nyak runs towards her throwing up, saying, can you do anything for the food poisoning? Nyat, this sucks for me, but great for you. The concentration lifts. You are no longer poisoned.

Yes. I do still have another attack in a bonus action because of the haste. So I'm going to run outside and try and find strad. Did you roll concentration when the torches kitchen? Yeah, I've been rolling concentration. I have Eldridge mine, so I roll with. advantage. Nice.

Yeah. I love that there's just torches flying around as we're just saying these parting words to Alana, but I just get like conked in the back of the head with a fucking torch. Oh, Jesus. Read the room. Shadow's still trying to strangle me. Knock it off.

Okay. So what's your plan? I just want to run out and try and find Straud. Okay. You still have movement? Yeah, go ahead. Okay. I run out.

Is Strad for a strad? Try and follow wherever he went to. Strud is for Tiddette. to take a phone call. Okay, attack him. Awesome. That's a knot one. Wow.

Oh, no. But as a bonus action, as a bonus action, I will turn my tongue into a serpent tongue by casting serpent tongue. And now I can attack as a bonus action with my serpent tongue. Okay. A C.

Okay, that hits. 22 hits. 22 hits, yeah. Okay. Okay. So he takes 2D12 piercing damage and has the poisoned condition for the duration of the spell. I'm sure he's immune to that. So 15 more damage and he has the poisoned condition if he is not immune to that.

So he is not immune to poison. You like he has legendary resistances, obviously. But like he needs to make his save for it. You like give him a little poison kiss with this like, forked tongue and he says, ah, you've accepted a dark gift as well, have you not? We grow more alike with every passing day. My tongue is actually from my warlock sling, so the shell is my dark gift. I would say that the tongue matches the shell.

Does it? Yes. Do turtles have forked tongues? I don't know. I'm not a herpetologist. I'm cool. But you know what a horticologist is. Can I just tell you, like, you're clearly not taking a phone call.

Okay? I can see it. Like, your cheek has opened an app, but there is no phone call. But it opens a sort of step counter app. And you're way under. I'm taking a lot of steps with my legendary actions. You're way under. Your averages look abysmal.

Sorry, I've just been so busy. Yeah, 300 steps a day. That's crazy. I mean, the Nassau is big. I'm worried that... I was going to the bathroom. I was going to get... I don't have to go to the bathroom.

Vampires do not have to go to the bathroom. You don't bees the blood that you drink? No. It exudes through my body as a mist. Okay, actually turn me. What? Onyx. I waste so much time pissing. Okay. Strada's already used all of his legendary actions, getting up here.

Onyx, you see that he had moved even further, almost like a little more towards his tomb. in the catacombs. Oh. Okay, I'm going to shout that back to everyone. Okay, great. That, like, maybe he was trying to heal in his tomb. Sure.

But that is going to be Stroud's turn. Strad looks at you on X and says, this is so embarrassing, but I just forgot that I've got to pay my taxes. Pay your taxes? That's not even, like, a daily thing. I've got the, when you are as rich as me, you have to do it all the time.

There are so many fees. Oh, actually. I support that. Yes, anyway, goodbye. He turns into mist and flies through the port cullis of his tomb. Okay. He's got to his tomb.

Okay, we need to stop that. I thought he was going to a CPA. I think he can do it from home. Oh, my God. So Straud was 60 feet away from everybody in the tomb, in the king and queen's tomb, and he's just moved another 30 feet into his tomb. So he's 90 feet away from everyone that's in the king and queen's tomb,

but he's only 30 feet away from you, Onus. Okay. Cool. That brings us to Marina. She runs over to her mother, pulls off her blindfold and says, she still has a pulse. Do you want me to stay here with her and keep her safe? Yeah?

Yeah, I think you should. I will try to stabilize her and keep her from escaping. Do you have one of those pariaps? Yeah, I was going to say we have the necklace and then you could give her a potion and maybe she can help. Oh. Yeah, hand her a potion. Amazing.

Necklace. Okay, great. I will do that. All right. Holy shit. Yeah. She puts this periapt. on Alana and then feeds her a potion,

and you see Alana starts to go, oh, my goodness, I'm free. My mind is not fogged anymore. Give me a moment and I'll join you. He's on the defensive. We can stop him now. It must be done. Go, go.

All right. I run. My shield's heavy as hell. You see her kind of like cup Marina's cheek as she looks lovingly at this daughter that she's lost. they embrace as you guys rush up the stairs. That is going to bring us to Jins' turn. Okay.

I'm a little bit hurt, and I'm going to need to take a dash action, so I will dash while using a bonus action mass healing word. Wow, okay. And I'll hit everybody for... Wow, I could use that too. Well, pretty goddamn bad, but seven to everybody. Okay. Ain't nothing.

Ain't nothing. Ain't nothing. All right, so you're going to dash, so you're 60 feet. up. You're in the main catacomb floor now. Yeah. So that means that puts you, like, right where Onyx is. Yeah. You guys are, like, are 30 feet away from, like, the Port Cullis gate that Straud went through. You just notice now how bad Jen's is running for him is. Jen's, is it because- We have to catch him.

I think that you're, you've stolen too much stuff. Elspete speed. I run very straight-legged. You see my knees? It looks like my ACL is on. I can hear your knees, Jeff. What? I can hear some. Yeah, just, it hurts. because you're running. Brother, you're over-pronating. You hear a shield says, Master, I wish for a new owner. What?

I wish to be born by another. Shut up. Tell me your fetish. God damn it. You have to wait. Okay, so that's Jen's attorney's running. Nyak, how about you? Yeah, I think I have to use a full dash action as well.

Great. Nyak, you're running. Kiro's also going to dash. Then that's going to bring us to another layer action. Who is left in the crypt? Anyone? I brought Glassass with me. Marina and her mom.

Okay. All right, let's see. Yes. This focuses on one person. Onyx. Yeah. Give me a dexterity saving throw. Okay.

I do that with an advantage because of a base. Nice. I also can technically fly. Oh, that was really bad, though. Eight. Eight? Oh, no. Onyx, despite being able to fly,

you do see that because you drank this Coca-Cola potion, you do have like little tiny wings. flapping on the back of your turtle shell. With a shell and a serpent tongue, I have become a medieval chimera. What's the actual fuck? You look like a cupa paratrooper from Mario. But despite that, you feel a rumbling

beneath your feet as skeletal hands burst out of the earth and grab you and then pull you underground. You are dragged through the dirt, rocks clunk against your head and then you emerge inside your locked cruise ship tomb. Holy shit, they buried the turtle for the winter.

Where the fuck did Onyx go? I wish I had to mirror. So I could gaze at myself and then breeze my breath onto the mirror, fog it up, and write, why me

with my finger? You heard Strouds voice echo. Think about what you've done while you enjoy the comforts of your terrarium. Okay. Okay. Okay. So that was the layer action.

That is going to bring us to Alana. She is also, now that she's revived, oh shit, you guys used a greater healing potion on her? Yeah. Right. So there's only one of those left now? Yeah. Okay.

Let me roll that real quick. Okay. Alana gets 13 hint points back. She's got this silver garlic bulb dangling from her chestnut. and she runs up. Okay, did he go through the portcullis? I think he's on his way there. I think he did go through it?

Yes, he turned into mist, didn't he? He did. So cowardly. So last time we used this necklace, there were these two weird guys, and they were just pulling it off of each other, so you're in a lot of danger. Maybe try to help Onyx.

Onyx, where are you at? Are you in hell? I think so I'm on a cruise ship. Okay, she's in her tomb. She's in her tomb. Where's her tomb? Is there a ginormous hole where Onyx traveled through? No, you see that the skeletal hands patch it back up.

Damn, they do good work. You see what skeleton pops up and gives you a thumbs up. Damn. Please help me. Help me. I'm so scared. It's okay. She's really scared.

I can hear it. I can hear it in the way that she said she was scared. I've never been so scared before. Okay. She said she's really scared and she's never been this scared. scared before. So I think she's really scared. I don't think she's ever been that scared before. This feels a little performative. I don't know. I'm kind of like, is she fine? Now I'm scared. I see. It's the scariest I've ever been. She's never been this scared before. It's the

scaredest she's ever been. Your jins, right? Yes. No, I'm Nyack. Tell your friend. Hello. Alana, tell your friend. I'm onyx. That one is Onyx. She's a turtle now. Yeah. I was going to ask about that, but later. Tell your friend that the tombs don't lock from the inside, but pushing it might require a bit of strength. Okay, she should be able to get out without any trouble, but it might take a full action. How can I be strong when I am scared?

She's frightened. She's frightened, yeah. Okay. I don't think she has the frightened condition. I think that's just who she is. I think it's a condition. Yeah. All right, so that's Alana's turn.

She's up in the mix with you guys, but she did have to use her dash action. Onyx, that is your turn. So you are in your cruise ship tomb. The door is closed, but you see it doesn't lock. It's essentially just a very heavy stone door. So what else say is you just have to use your action to push it open. There's no check required.

It just takes your action. Does it have little slits or anything? Can I see out of it? Or is it a full? It's a full stone door. Then I will use one action. Okay. I'll use my haste action.

Great. Oh yeah, she's pasted. That's a fast turtle. And then I will try to run back to wherever things were. Okay, yeah. Your tombs are actually right next to where Strad's crypt is. So I'll say that, yeah, you use your action to open it and you can use the rest of your movement to run up to where everybody else is.

I'll say you can even get up to the Port Cullis if you want. Okay. And then I will ask my bonus action, use my serpent tongue on the mist cloud if that does anything. Or is he... He's too far in. Oh, okay, got it. You do see the mist kind of like receding in as you do that. Got it.

Just attempt to lick it, but it's too far away. Then can I bonus action into the portcullis with Misty Step? Yeah. Does it need to be open from the inside? You do see a large lever that you can use to open it from the inside. But I'll say that you've already used your actions getting here. Especially in using your bonus action, a Misty Step. But do you do have an extra feature with your Misty Step?

Yeah. I'm going to decide which one. Does that sound fair? Yeah. Totally. Okay. I'm going to just give who's hurt. I'm okay.

I'm okay now with that seven HP gens gave me. Alana's pretty hurt. Okay. I give her one hit point with my refreshing step. Naek is insanely jealous. I'm not at full or anything. From one chef to another feast on this, I give her one hair. Do not apologize to receive any sort of blessing.

or aid in this dark, damp place is a blessing in and of itself. Also, I just reread it. It's a temp HP. Oh, okay. Yeah. Don't use it all in one place. They don't stack. And then I'll kind of like prepare myself to like help them in. Oh, right on. Okay.

So Onyx is on the other side of the Port Cullis. On her action, she can open the door. But that does bring us to Straud's turn. Since Strad did not take any radiant damage this round, he is going to get a little HP back. Ah, yes, I'm very busy in here. Lots of correspondence. You know how it is. Did some miss just talk?

We're in the middle of a battle. There's absolutely no service here. I have Wi-Fi mesh. It's better in here. It's 5G. Okay. Yeah, we'll be in there in a second, so we'll be able to tell if you're lying.

Yes, come check out the 5G. The signal is so strong. I'm in here. My phone isn't working. Fuck. Nothing gets under your shell, Onyx. Okay, so Straud, since he can't technically speak in his mist form, he is going to have to revert back into his human form to do anything else.

So you see he appears in the room trying to look casual. He's just kind of like leaning on his coffin a little bit. You're sweating. Actually, I'm so sorry. I was so rude to you about your steps, but I didn't realize he turned into mist all the time. That's true. It doesn't count it when you missed.

Yeah, that's so frustrating. I've lodged a lot of complaints with the app. Okay, so Strad returns to his vampire form. There's not much else he can do, but as he solidifies and lands on the ground, Onyx, you see this and everyone else, you hear him say, I do not know why you waste your time here.

Even as you challenge me, your friends and family suffer. at the hands of my spawn. Here I shall show you. He holds out his hands, and you see a vision of this battle taking place at Berez. Ismark and his forces, the were ravens,

and the donk squad, all engaged against an army of vampire spawn and zombies. And I actually want to give you guys a little agency in this battle, so I want everyone to roll a death save, and we'll see how the battle is progressing. Okay. My acquaintances.

12. That's a pass. That's a pass. I also know those guys. 18. That's a pass. That's a 14. 14.

Oh, shit. That's three passes? Hell yeah. Holy shit. Strad holds out his hands and in your mind you see this battlefield. And in it, you see Ismark and his men fighting bravely. You see them rallying behind Ismark, him wearing his father's military. outfit, the silver buttons shining brightly and triumphantly.

He lifts his sword high. You even see Donovich. The cowardly priest has joined and smites zombies with burst of holy energy. Straud witnesses this in your mind and seems a little perturbed and then quickly shuts up with me. Wait, hang on. It looked like they were doing pretty good. Also, you said there was no service in this room.

How did you do that? He's on the wired connection. Bluetooth is on, at least. Yeah. Oh, you were not supposed to see that. It is trickery. Illusions. Did you see?

I did a great favor to Ismark by taking all of his clothes. Now he's taken his true mantle. But how long do you think they can hold out? How long can this glory last? Allow me to turn you and they shall be spared. It looked like they were doing great. Fuck, okay.

Jesus Christ, let's do this. Okay, so that was Straud's turn. He turns back into his vampire form. But he's going to take a legendary action. He is going to kind of, slide his finger along his tomb and get to the back of the room in an inviting way, trying to keep distance between you and him, Onyx, but also inviting you to join him.

Okay. All right. So that is his legendary action. Yes, come on in. I'm sorry. I haven't cleaned up in a while. Yeah, it smells so bad than you. It smells like fucking cabbage.

I don't know what that smell is. I cannot get rid of it. That's Marina's turn. Marina will just follow everybody up. She's the last one that wasn't up the steps. So now you guys are all in position, ready to attack again. The portcullis is still closed. That brings us background to Jens.

Sweet. Okay. I can't get through until Onyx opens it, correct? Unless you have like a spell or you could make a strength check. Okay. Definitely not going to do that. Okay. But what I am going to do, huh, you know, they say that a vampire's weakness is garlic or a mistake, but I know what your weakness is, Strage. And I pull out my elf shot. I pull out a tiny bow and I take aim.

What's the range on it? 60 feet. Perfect. Okay. You see he's like leaning against the wall in the back of his crypt, trying to look casual. So confident right now. Just trying to get him not a hop in his casket or anything. Ooh, not great. I will use my heroic inspiration.

There you go. Ooh, okay, 19. 19 hits. Okay, great. His feet stick to the floor. Does it do any damage? It doesn't do any damage. Okay, cool.

Yeah, it doesn't do any damage. His speed is zero until the end of his next turn. You see, it pins his other foot to the floor, and he's kind of stuck like he's sitting in a chair position, but like up against the wall. Oof, that's painful. This is what I meant to do. Since I don't walk enough, I have to get squats in when I can.

That makes a lot of sense. It all makes sense. I shot you with Elf shot. You don't know that. You don't know if it hit. Awesome. Okay. Nyack, that's going to be you.

Okay. So this portcullis has to be open from the inside. There's a lever. Yes. Or you can make a strength check to try and open it. You can shoot him. You might be able to shoot through. Yeah, you probably shoot through.

Yeah. Well, I think I'm going to shoot through, but I also can glass. CASSS crawl through and push the lever? What size is Glassass? He uses Baboon stats. We'll base it on that. Okay.

Actually, you know what? Yeah. Let's just do straight up luck check. Baboon is a small beast. Okay. Yeah, 11 or above, he can squeeze through. Okay. Glass ass crawls out of my back.

And again, I say, Glass ass, no, you'll endanger yourself. That's an eight. He goes butt first and gets so stuck. Come, Glass-S, it's not worth it. It's not worth it. Come quick. You're hyperventilating.

It's claustrophobic. He starts freaking out and slaps you in the face. Okay, Glass-S. You didn't mean that. You didn't mean that, Class-S. He puts two fingers in your nostrils very intentionally. Now's no time for playing, Glass-S. And I'll put my bone arrow through the poor callus.

Okay, great. Striking, that is a 27 to hit. Wow, that hits, yeah. And then my second attack is a, oh, yes, 30 to hit. So I'll use my favorite foe and my last acid. That is 36 damage. Yeah. This is not very becoming of guests who wish to become my consorts, I will say.

You just got elf shot again. Yeah, Nyack, after you shoot him, and now that he's pin, into the ground with L-shot. He says, Ah, Nyack, do you really want this? Do you really want

what's coming for you if you do not play along? What? What's coming for me? Come in here and find out. That is what I will say. Okay.

Can you open the door? I told you I'm busy. Fine. I admitted I was trying to piss. I do have to piss. It's not a missed thing. Vampire still pears. piss, okay?

Okay. What else have you lied about? The taxes? That's the one thing. It's only that. You don't pay taxes, too. You lied about getting a phone call. I was making a phone call.

I wasn't getting one. It was a quick phone call. You missed it. Okay, well, Zenzhenzeng hung up on you and you were still holding the phone to your face. It was a prank call. I let them go. That was the whole point. I said, do you have Prince Orgy in a can?

Well, I do. Ha-ha, he's on my tomb. It was funny. Okay, that's pretty hilarious. It's pretty good. This button up, right? It's logistical. Nyak, that is your turn.

That is Kirill's turn. Karel, I'll say, holds an action to rush in an attack, but can't do anything right now. That is going to be another layer action, though. I'm going to say that the shadow reappears from beneath you, Niyah, and is going to try and drain your life again. You again? Fuck. That is a seven to hit. That's going to miss.

Can you please? Can you please leave? Come on. Come on, just a little bit of life. No, you come on. Yeah, come on. I'm being totally fair right now. You have to get out of here.

You got so much life. Just let me suck some out of you. That's enough. That's enough. All right, fine. Fuck you. He flicks your ankle as he recedes back into the shadow. That is the layer action.

And that brings us to... No, Nyax ACM. It's not in his ankle. My Achilles. And that's... bring us to Alana's turn. Alana treads so carefully. Yes, would you rather I hang back here and maybe wait to attack if Strott comes through?

Yeah, that's not a bad idea. I don't want your necklace to get taken off. You've done a lot already. You've done a lot already. Thank you. I would recuperate. Okay, so she's going to wait here. She'll hold in action as well. Onyx, it's finally your time. Okay, I'm just going to attack three times. Okay. Oh, first one is an 18. So 26 to hit.

Then a 12 is not going to hit. Nat 20. Whoa. Jesus Christ. Wow. Okay. Okay, I actually rolled really poorly, so 47. That's still good.

Some of that is radiant. Pretty damn good. Yeah, but I mean, like, it's not impressive for a crit and a second hit. And then I will try and use my poison down. That's going to hit. That's 26. 19 more piercing. Wow.

On X, you see Stroud is, like, locked in. this chair position because of the elf shots. And you just like mercilessly beat the shit out of him. But as you flick your tongue in him, he grabs it and pulls you close. Onyx, you belong here. You have toppled gods. Travel to other worlds. You no longer fit anywhere else.

Your beings out of time, out of place. Let this be your new home Here with me You can live lives of eternal luxury And lavish splendor, Onyx Please don't do this This is your last chance It all goes away

If I fall And now Finish Straud von Zavich I already live a life Of luxury Because my Triplit Jens

is engaged to a king. So you have nothing to offer me, but a bad story said I've already heard everything I need to hear of. So thank you so much, but I'm going to be leaving your hotel a one-star review. No! And then I want to sort of, you know how like Sindel and Mortal Kombat used to wrap her hair around people,

and make it look like a snow cone, and then whip it back. Do that with my serpent tongue. You whip your serpent tongue around Strad's head so tight that it pops off. And then I want to jump in the air and then land on him with my turtle shell. And say, go to shell. You grind him into mist with this turtle shell. No, no, on it's.

You've ruined everything. Catch you, I will return. I will return. And you see the mist swirls around, leaving the place where you struck him, and seeping back into his coffin. The lid closes shut. He's in his coffin.

Don't get complacent. We'll get him. We'll get him. Can you open the door? Let's talk out here. Oh, okay, yeah. I go and I open the door. Okay, you open the door.

I take my time. Onyx, hey? I think the lever's right there. So it's right there? Yeah. Pull it. Okay, she's checking her phone. Yeah, no, he was lying about the 5G.

I'm scared. Okay, you didn't seem that scared. It's okay, on it. You jumped down from the ceiling with your shell, and you said, go to shell. You're not, you're not scared. It's okay to be frightened. We can see it all. I just think I'm having, like, an adrenaline crash, but when I got pulled into my coffin.

I just feel like he can, like, restore HP if we take too long, so, like, maybe we hurry. Fine! Oh, Nix throws her phone across the room and opens the door really angrily. You see the poor colors door opens extremely slowly. Just like, oh, come on. Oh, it's groaning. It's so heavy. But eventually it does open and you were all able to rush into the room.

You hear like a strange thrumming coming from inside this coffin, almost as if Straud's body is trying to like reform like that of an injured caterpillar. What do you want to do? Do you open it up. We're going to crack that thing open. You open it up. You see Straud's injured body huddled in the coffin, attempting to restore some of his wounds, red mist seeping out of all of his cuts and bruises. He looks up at you with a look of utter surprise as you prepare to deal the death blow. How do you do it?

Okay. Okay, big dogs. It's time to put an end to this. This is for destroying our soft opening. and for destroying Borovia, you prick. No, we could throw it together. You are all brave, you're all strong. You've proven it here.

Please, please. This land will be filled with restaurants and potatoes. You won't get to enjoy any of them. Yeah, you have, for too long, elites like you have ruled over this place, but we're going to have chain restaurants everywhere, okay? And everyone's going to be able to have a fast, casual option in the... this town. All right?

And instead of one castle, there's going to be new condos everywhere. Okay? We're turning your castle into a bunch of condos. And anyone who makes a lot of money is free to live there. 80-room castle? More like 80 studio apartments. Yeah. A few piece of shit.

Instead of one billionaire, there's going to be a bunch of hundred millionaires up here. Okay. Oh, could you? They're so tacky. Oh, the lake will be full of jet skis. Yes, delightfully tacky and yet refined. I spin my sword and I stab him through the chest. Wait, we promised Marina she would get some killing.

Oh, wait. Oh, he's not that dead. He's not super dead yet. Marina, please. You can twist it. Twisted. He's not totally got any. Marina, twisted.

I'm so dead. He's not totally dead. He's not totally dead. He's not totally dead. He's not totally dead. Brina, twisted. Twisted. Trits it.

Marina, get in on the grid. Real quick. I think he's going to regenerate unless you twist it. He's going to twist it. You can't twist it. You need to twist it. You see Marina twists the blade. You see Marina twists the blade.

Radiant energy blasts into him like a hammer. And you see his body explodes in a ring of dust. And Strad von Zarovich, the dark lord of Borovia, is dead and gone. Wow. Good job, Marina. That was all you. All you, Marina. All you and glass ass.

So huge. Glass ass was unfortunately. Absolutely crucial. Yeah, MVP for sure. Just hand in a game ball right now. But thank you for letting me take the final strike. But now we have to see if we can turn your adoptive mother back into a human. Yes.

Yes, we have the notes. Mother, we have your notes about how to cure you. Oh. You see, Alana still shocked. by seeing Stroud destroyed is gathering her senses and says, Yes, the notes I left in the tomb, you have them. Yeah, I whip them out. Come with me.

She leads you from Strad's tomb and into a smaller tomb on the other side of the catacombs, and you see that it is labeled Alana Petrovna. This is where I was buried. My grave dirt lies here. What was on your tomb walls? Yeah. Did you have sex? saxophones as well.

It's, um, just one, just one saxophone. Okay, that's fine. Just a single tune. I think Strad was saving the saxophone budget for you, Honest. In that, you should at least take some solace of pride. I do.

Um, yeah, you see her tomb is, it's much more sparse because of Strad's contempt for the Olmists in their order. You just see one, one skeleton playing a saxophone in the corner. He's so good. He looks like, Good. Really good.

Holy shit. So I will need to lie in my resting place alongside an item I treasured in life, something that can help my soul find its way home. This is a book. Yes. The book, of course. Yeah, I have the book of Strudge. Yes, this is the book of my order. It is what I studied growing up in Berez.

This is cherished amongst my order. It will do nicely. So place that, and I will place this bulb in my mouth. and please do not be alarmed because by ingesting this, I will die, but the ritual will bring me and my soul back to life. I will say if you have extra bulbs, we could strengthen the ritual as well. Yeah, I think we got a few bulbs. Yeah.

I think I have a bulb. Unless there were other spawns that you were like, oh, they were really good, I'd love to continue hanging out with them. Well, not to toot my own saxophone, but I do believe that if you can save me, I can replicate this formula. then we can mass produce this recipe. Let's give you every bulb we've got. Yeah.

Let's bulb you up. All right. So here's how the ritual will work. The DC is 30, but it goes down for each additional bulb. So with one bulb, it's 30, but you're putting in three more. So that's going to load it by 15. So DC 15, this is going to be a religion check. You guys can stack it all on one person.

So if you've got anything you want to add, but one person is going to be like the focus of the ritual. Okay. I have plus zero. I have plus three. Whoa. Okay. Can I give Jen's out action?

I'm highly religious now. Yeah, you can definitely give Jin's the help action. Oh, wait. Someone else should do it, though, because I can give them Bardic inspiration. Okay. Who has, you both have plus zero? That's right. Marina's plus one to religion.

Okay, great. Okay. As long as Caldwell doesn't roll it. Can we have someone else? Yeah, someone else will roll. Can I roll my set up Cardo? Yeah. Okay.

It's so fresh. So I'm going to give Marina Bartik inspiration. One final lesson, swordmaster. One final lesson. Okay. It was your mother that came up with the idea for the secret herbs and spices. And that's really what spudfuckers was all about.

So I'd like to hand over the patent to you. What? Because honestly, we're from a different place, and I think we're both just going to be able to open spud fuckers. Right? Like, I don't think. Yeah, we can franchise it. Yeah, we can franchise it.

We'd like to give you the exclusive rights for a spudfuckers franchise in Barovia, okay? It is an honor, thank you. All right, but first we need you to bring back our head chef, okay? Because she came up with a proprietary blend. Yes, we will have a great feast. All of the vampire spawn who are no longer under Strath's control. They can come and feast in Barovia as people once did,

and they will be cured. That is casual. such good advertising. And we'll do 10% profit sharing. And we will do some profit sharing. I mean, just obviously to cover the expenses. Yeah, of course. It's going to cost us money.

And with that, I give her bardic inspiration. Okay. So she's got bardic inspiration. What I will say is this ritual will succeed regardless, but there are complications based on how well you roll. Okay. So she's got bardic inspiration. She's got help.

Does you have anything else? I don't think I have anything. I don't think I have anything. Okay. So why don't we have, Emily, why don't you roll it? Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I think so. Okay. So roll it with advantage. I'm going to roll them one by one. First one is a three. Oh, boy. Okay. And the next one's an 18.

Okay. Plus one is 19. Roll a D8. Eight on the fucking D.A. Dude. 27. 27. So the D.C. was 15 because of all the bulbs you used.

You easily clear that. You see Alana puts this bulb in her mouth and chomps down on it, and then her eyes go white. You guys all hold hands around her and kind of just sway a little bit as Marina focuses on her mother, the mother she remembered, the mother that saved her from Balaki and brought her to Barovia. She focuses on her family, on the connection they had, on the connections they'll rebuild, on the great feast to come as the sun rises, and Ilana Petrovna. comes back to life, cured of vampirism. Welcome back, Burger Master.

It's going to be so awkward when Ismark finds out we had this moment without him here. Yeah. He'll be fine. He was almost like he was here because so much of his clothes. That is true. But I believe he has his own battles that he is fighting. I hope that things are going well in Perez. We must hurry and find out how things have fared, both upstairs and,

in the battle. Yeah, all of your customers could be gone if they lost the fight in Berets. Oh, yeah. What's the point in opening a restaurant? Yes. Yeah. A battle has never meant more.

Jen's runs out. Yes. Alana, you see, turns to Marina and hugs are close and says, thank you, my little Dawnflower. I dreamed you would come. You truly are, the sun returned. Now let's go check on your brother.

So you guys all rush upstairs. you head up the spiral staircase and then back to the dining hall. Yeah, keychain, you still alive? Ismereldah, Liams? You good? You guys, peek your head into the dining hall. You see glass shards and wood splinters litter the floor. The table has been cracked in half

from the weight of a dead vampire spawn. You see several other dead spawn or sprawled across the ground. One is even draped over a chandelier, which sways gently. But outside, the clouds break and a glorious beam of sunlight shines through this hall windows of this room.

And on to your beleaguered companions. Can somebody roll a D20 for me to see what state they're in? I got it. 15. Not bad. Not bad. Oh, 15. Keychain's dead.

Esrelma, dead. Lehman, dead. It needed to be a Nat 20. That's a great role. That is the good outcome. You see they are a little beat up, but everyone is alive, everyone is standing. As soon as they see you, their eyes light up and they rush forward.

We did it. Oh my God. We did it. Hooray. Big dogs. We did it. Big dogs. I give Leamund a huge hug for some reason.

Oh, hello. Am I being punked again? Thank God. Liam, Mons, you're okay. You old fuddy daddy. Come here, Leo. Oh, bitch, boss. I tussle his hair.

Leamund's dog. I football tackle Liamette. Do a Tom Cruise laugh. You see Keychain holds out his arms waiting for a hug from you guys, but you all tackle Leamond. Leamond. Oh, lovable Leamont. And while you're doing that, you see out of the corner of your eye, Esmeralda kind of taps him on the shoulder, spins him around and gives him a big old kiss.

Whoa. They're Frenching. That's right. This guy is super smart. Do you only know what it's like every movie ever made? That's not cool? I knew he was a DVD player I know he's played lots of movies

I guess technically a DVD player knows every movie but right yeah anyway we really hit it off we both realized we kind of like have relied too much upon the people that are important in our lives we put too much of our like sense of approval into them and I think we need some like time with just us

yeah you have to tell us everything that happens we are going backpacking across the sword coast. Whoa. We're in wealth. Okay. Leiband, what are you doing now? Oh, yes, of course.

Liam, did you hear that? That's crazy. Yes, whatever. Anyway, you should have seen this battle. My God, it was impressive. Your fingerprints are all over this, Liam, and you got the guy on the chandelier, huh? Leaman.

Oh, yes. Leamond. Leaamon. Hey, remember the dark guy? Let's go free him. I push past Keanu. You see, Liamann says, Yes, lead the way.

He blasts the door open with an arcane blast. Oh, my God, that was awesome. Yes, I've quite nicely recovered. I wouldn't want to be a door around you. Yes. What are you? Jen's laughs so heartily. You'll be more of a dormant if I say.

Hello. So you guys run upstairs, free leaf lip siege from his chains. What's going on? We killed Strad. Oh, great. Let's get out of here. Yeah, let's get out of here. Do you want to be our accountant? Do you want to be a...

Oh, you could do that. You could run the books for spud fuckers. Yeah. We have a lot of expenses. You seem like you're willing to cook the books. We want to be at a loss every single year. Would you chain me up and threaten to bite me? Probably not.

We'll threaten to bite you. Sure. I don't want that. Unchained for sure. You'll always be able to run away. All right. We can negotiate the amount of times you threaten to bite me, but no chain. I'm going to be hard and firm on that.

I don't think anyone wants it, but I do want to bite you. No, I want to bite you. You keep saying it, so it makes me want to bite you. You see your shield says, does anyone wish to be bit? Okay, the shield's into it. We need to go. Does I leave the shield? Okay, shield, you can have this room.

You've served me well. Very good. I shall await the freak that fits my freak. Right on. We wish you the best. I close the door and lock it. Farewell. Good luck with the knob stuff.

So you leave the shield and you guys walk out of the castle. And as you do, you see a dazzling blue sky, the first in over 400 years. In the valley below, the strange fog dissolves, giving you a perfect view of the village at its base, where you hear joyful cheers and festive music start to play. The sun warms your skin and a playful breeze carries the scent of fresh blossoms. Barovia is free once more. So you all make your way down to the village where you see Ismark,

wearing the Bergamaster's jacket and medals, drops an armful of potatoes he was carrying, and rushes to hug his mother and sister. Oh, you drop the potatoes. You dropped the Ismar. Come on. I'm so sorry. Couldn't have placed those down and then run over?

Jeez, please. I was just excited. I have not seen my mother in many years. This is a beautiful homecoming. please forgive me, but yes, I will be more mindful of the potatoes. It's okay. It's okay. It's fine.

Hey, it's Mark, you know what? That was rude of us. We've been a little bit. There's like... I think we've been workaholics. We've been workaholics. And so like when we were with you, we were thinking about work all the time, which is why we were rude. Yeah.

Okay. And it was like, but now when you jerked off into the oats, it just made us... That upset us? Because we were working in our eyes because we were working so much. That's how we got upset. Please say that in front of my mother. We also had dreams of opening a restaurant, and we couldn't be seen consorting with someone who goons in the oats.

I say loud enough for a lot of to hear. I understand. We had to keep a distance after that. Yeah. I was going through something as well, but again, a new day is dawned, and I think the oats shall go gooon free this day forth. Wow. Goon free oats for all.

Please keep it down. Goon free oats for all. We have a shield that would have really liked to meet you. What? Ah, my friends, you can say what you will, as loud as you will, for it is by your hand that this curse is lifted. Whatever you would have of us, please name it, and it shall be so. We want this castle to become a bunch of condos.

And we want three of them next to each other. And we just want a couple condos. The best ones, but just a few. Corner condos at joining units. Our condos, we don't have to pay to the, you know, like the HOA. The HOA. We don't have to pay to that. And we want terraces. We want terraces.

Best three rooms. Best three rooms, but the other ones are available for purchase. Yeah. Okay? At a semi-affordable price. I see that man is writing all this down. You see, leave is like furiously taking notes. Yeah, this will work out nicely.

Just threaten to bite him. He'll do anything. all right because he works for you now is mark actually i have one more request yes i need every single person in all of barovia to leave spodfuckers a five-star review yeah yeah it shall be so

and they can't all say the same thing they have to all say something yeah we don't want like a bot thing it's going to look like a paragraph a paragraph of course yes it shall be so we will all meet at the great feast, it shall be called the five-star feast in remembrance of the triplets and the blessing of the potato that they have bestowed upon this land. Great. And then I guess we would for sure take a

plane shift back to Trinidad. Yeah. I think this has been nice. And we've made some like acquaintances, but like I want to leave. Yeah. We like we're supposed to be on vacation. So we have to go back to Trunyville to plan another vacation because our vacation got ruined. We were basically working this entire vacation. Yeah. Yeah. And we're workaholic. We are workaholics, so obviously it's hard to get us to not work. But we're trying to unplug. We're trying to unplug. I believe I can help with that.

Onyx, you see, this time fully in the flesh, Ariana Darkov steps out of the shadow to meet you all. She's wearing a glittering black pantsuit, and her eyes reflects sort of a rainbow of color, and her hair blows with an unseen wind. She strides up with Bluetooth, who is now wearing a zip-up performance fleeced vest. He's growing up.

You did it, Mom. Whoa. What happened to you? You look awesome. Really? Yeah. You look so strong. I am really strong.

Yes. You're strong and stylish. I see that you've accepted the dark gift. Yeah, should I keep it? Or could you maybe take it? You shouldn't keep it, yeah. I kind of want to get rid of it. There's such thing as a glow-up, but this was kind of like a throw-up.

You're like, you're fully a turn. Unfortunately, I cannot take it away because it was part of a deal you accepted with a greater power. How do I get rid of it? You'll need nothing short of a wish spell. Okay. How much does one cut? Oh, yeah. Ismark said we could have anything.

So can we have a wish spell? Okay, new request, I knew a wish spell. A wish spell. You see, a Lyman perks up. Totally. Even I do not have access to such powerful magics He goes back to shooting off fireworks for everyone All the children are cheering

If Lehman can't do it, no one can There is one person I think who could help you But you will have to seek them out Okay, I'd do anything People travel so far for hair transplants I can only get you an introduction with those That will lead you to her realm Is it a flight on Turkish hairlines

Arianna opens up her blazer pocket and hands you four tickets and printed in rich purple text is the phrase Witchlight Carnival at Mitt 1 I have to go to a carnival just like this to try to get it rid of it The carnival is hosted by Zbilna She is a powerful archmage who dwells in a realm of pure desire Atop her castle You may find a wish spell that can aid

That sounds so good, doesn't it? A realm of pure desire? We've been workaholics. Just to go to a carnival? Just to cut loose? I was mostly doing dry January, but I might get absolutely fucked up at this carnival. Yeah, fucked up February. Fucked up February.

Let's go. Okay, this is such a good introduction. Is there anything we should say when we meet her? Say that Ariana sent you. Okay. Thank you so much. I was going to be so hit. You are an onyxpreneur now.

Yeah, I'm an onyxpreneur. And it's all about optics, and you know that. Okay, yeah, you're right. But you know what? You've got to keep the shell on the inside, because you are tough, and you are important, and you're brave, and you're going to fuck up this February. Thank you.

I give her a big hug. Okay, I'm just going to take these remnants. I've got some great dark intentions plan for these. going to be able to expand the network extensively. So thank you. You got it. You're welcome. Enjoy.

She melts into shadow along with Bluetooth, leaving you to enjoy the great festival, the five-star festival. You see Whale Ravens, the Donk Squad. Everyone who have ever met and helped in Borovia comes to a grand table. I try not to make eye contact with the donk squad as I'm just doing the crowds. Because you don't want to tell them what happens.

I try not to drink any wine from the Ware Ravens. Yeah. You see, I avoid the Were Ravens and the Dogs Club. I will go around telling everyone don't drink Wizards from the Wine. You see, Davian comes up, a fresh barrel. Here we are, yes. Sputfuckers is breaking our contract with Wizards of the Wine. It looks like a great barrel.

So you guys all sit down at this massive table. Alana brings out a fresh batch of Collian's cool yummies as well. as several steaming hot baked potatoes complete with herbs and spices. I don't really like starch. Marina socks you in the gut. Jen chuckles and throws a boiling hot potato at Nyack. Get his ass. My neck.

Put my hand on Liamon's shoulder and laugh. Like I'm in the ending of Return of the King. And with the manager of Ravenloft firmly dealt with And a burgeoning fast casual potato empire Added to your portfolio You three leave the land of Borovia Oddly better than you found it And head off to the Witchlight Carnival

To finish your well-earned vacation And that's where we'll end our campaign Woo! There we go! There we go. Oh man, what a happy idea. Oh my God. You guys fucking spanked strong.

The disadvantage on attacks makes it hard for him to hit, especially with like defensive flourish and stuff like that. Yeah. That was rough. He was just like on the back foot the whole time. I'm excited to talk about it because I feel like it certainly could have gone another way if I'd managed to knock off that concentration from Onyx. But yeah, we'll talk about it more on the short rest.

I think that it was always going to be a wamping, but it was fun putting it all together. It was fun getting to do this campaign. Yeah, great work. It was awesome. I loved it. And I'm very intrigued by a witchlight to you. Yeah, I thought it might be fun to have a little hook there. But yeah, we'll talk about that.

All on the short rest, we can delve into all of the rooms you missed in Ravenloft, as well as Straud tactics and all the good stuff. And you can find that at patreon.com slash Nadbaod. That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D. We are, we are. Ah, what the heck, you can sing one more note. We are the... That's enough.

Okay, anyway. Anything you want to plug? Yeah, we've got some shows coming up. Sydney Opera House on March 16th. Be on looking for that. That's the only show we're doing in Australia. Get your tickets for that. April 10th, we're going to be at Radio City Music Hall in New York.

Colville just knocked over his notes. I don't need him anymore. He doesn't need them anymore. He's intentional. April 10th, Radio City Music Hall. Get tickets to either one or hell, both. Is that crazy? com slash live.

We're doing both. Yeah, we are. You should too. We're going to be at both. And you could follow us on social media They may or may not use At Cesarterf for me at Caldi Scaldol, at the Xeroz, Emily, and at Jiguritz is Jake

And you could talk about the show online Using hashtag NatPod, that's NADDDPOD. We are, we are, we are, the youth of the nation. We are, we are, the youth of the nation. Hey now, it is time to thank our benevolent council of elders And they are Brad D, Jeffrey S, Lord of the Fjord, later, Nick Skater, Matt M, Cutter W, Daniel G. Danielle the dastardly dame. Carpeleum. Victor T. Balnor's boy. Hoyd's friend. Justin I. Danny Danster.

T.J. M. Trele the Cray. D. Rohee. Now you have to say it. Jordan L. Cyborg version of Josh the Cobald. Stevie Wags. Hellish rebuquer. The NBDMPHD. Jack L. Nicholas C. star of every film ever made in Bohumia. Mike Hightower. Alka Smelzer Plus. Great Value Gem. Tyler F. Heracule Poirot, the rabbit-poke detective. Timmy R. Jake's jerk jelly. Hashtag Cascopold, Cass. Stephen C's drunk monk says honor the cork. Nick W. Nico, the underpaid English teacher. William W. Big Bad Beardo, the Mad. Percival, Frederick Stein von Mussel, Kloh, DiRolo, the third. Jay Dragonborn, Guardian of the Vibe, honoring the cock. impressive, dongle, Ben A, Dave H, not that Nick, Danny F, Hawkeye Pierce, Big Bad John, DPC, is awesome, brand new wife, hell yeah, Sean, the shade tree mechanic of Zelbaldar, server RG, Mark the Dark Lord's Taint, Misa of House in Zunza, Ariel, the occasional mermaid, Selena N, the Lacey Raptor, B, Perky, Always, Pat L, Lauren, H, Serve 16, Annie, the Faywild Therapist, Parogi, Friend, Z. Bioquart 7. Trubhop dropper. Jack H. King of the Mole People under Iron Deep,

dressed in blue and fighting his way through a bracket-style tournament. Valin, Paj, the bitch and bunny bard. Druidic Peyton. Carlin C. Omri. M. Noah, the gentleman, fister. Hashtag Honor the Cock. James G. Everything bago, the Eladron who just wants to hang out with his pet badger, Stripey. Reverend Chatterbones. Han. Eric B. Marcos, Ph.D., eventually. learns the balanced druid, Frida M, Maggie, Holly, the green laughing hyena, Papa Bambino in Chinos, butt heavy, Russell H, Cody C, Lorelei, the succubi, and Kira the succulent snack. Ellen S, your funly neighborhood, yon, uncle, Andrew and Sid. Fun in the snow, now back to the show, Mr. Adams. James F. Wayfarer now has to do something with the trolls. Get rid of them, turn to page 42,

Keep them turn to page 69. Soft lose uncertain hand. Oreo, Dallas R. Barpo, Good Barrel, Bard, Berrien. Charlie Brown's best friend. Renee, the monster captain. Olivia, the enchanting bard, and Jared the soap opera cleric who are prepping an epic playlist for the final battle. Blue Ash, Fico, J. K, Guard.

The Sugarbone, Faries are out caroling. Happy Hoglidays. Cantrip, Dumbledore, the Bear Wensy Wensy Waring Barbarian. MJ the BFG Roger L. No drag, the pass-a-fist barbarian. Ryan L. Eric B. Two, run-in-buds. John Luca.

Leon K. legendary hero of Bohumia from a future campaign. Shananigans O'Connor. Meos the Great. Joshua S. Alexander. Lynn's W. Sky, the wise and former lone

dungeon master. The spud fucker himself. Johnny Dude K. The mischief of Nadpods Familiers. Abu Eskinaur, the Goliath Paladin, providing service with a smile. Jake well, Murphaly, Tim M. Dragon Knight 86.

Richard. Strungle, the main event. TR, MLG, Cheetah. Shelby, Kenon's first favorite sprite girl. Surprise round, Battle of the Brands Spudfuckers verse Palm Charm, who comes out on top? My God. Jet S. Snailis, the Eldridge Snail.

French toast is my wife, Jake. How could you? Oh no. Stormy 52. Memaw Sky Days, Megan N. Anthony B. Ballnor's best friend, Steve. Stephanie of House in Zunza, Benjamin A. Sacrificial otaku, bringing otaku culture to a fantasy realm near you.

Mickle A. SSS tier, Crickwater Enjoyer. Josh H. Pilot of the Nightmareverse Flight. The two crew blew through. Ethan the Mailman, Maple, the shy bookworm. Nick A.J. Ashesaurus. the stroker, bearer of all hog-related burdens. Billy B. Tori the tungsten Dragoose warily watching the warehouse of wily wild water wardens. Wow. Michael L.S. the second,

Carl B. Plummer of the Realm. Ace Drags, High Lord of Critsburg. Vind diagram, D.M. Charby. Catamilius, the consumed. Cam, the Froglidays man. Dean, Jake W. Hi, Hi, Mom. Tuesday Cross, only here for the surf and mirf. We love you. Rapp Jesus, Smoors, Tyler McEm, Gaddog, Zibi Debackery, Kaylee, Katarina C, Carly C, OLAF dies, and Frozen 2, how could you? Casey J, Pawpaw's litigation associate, Greg W, there's so many of us now, but hey, you're doing great and we love you. Baruch, Thunderhelm, Fifth Generation Minotaur, working as an abandoned labyrinth tour guide.

Chupac Aubrey, Cappy B of the Schooner, Lewis R. French. Boney is dead, the Waterworth, your four-legged Greg, companion, Nick, the raging Ranger Echo Ashmore, Aegg 15, Kunari, watch me kick-flip my mech. Not a DJ, but we'll still take the gig, DJ Dramamine. Chef, Julie B, Mama Mayhem, so sad, Trinity Vale Extrad is ending us too. Jen's rules kinda, Thomas C, Little Dark Lotus creations, Kendra M, Oblong Bongo, Medium Dog, Joshua, Asia, Jacob M. Lou H. A.J. Dinko, Ben V. Prince Slaghthor, the third. Shinka Kitsuni, or Skyler, the only male Kitsuni in Bohemia. Leni Stoop, Toxic Ghost, Daniel M.C., Chris, and of course, Angie H. Thank you, everybody.