Not Another D&D Podcast - Trinyvale X Strahd - Ep. 7: A Mother's Dream

Episode Date: August 22, 2025

After a restless night full of strange dreams, the Triplets finally depart for the Abbey of St. Markovia! Jens goes fishing, Nyack thinks big, and Onyx wrestles with tradition as the Trinyvale X Strahd Crossover continuesSupport us on Patreon! - Patreon.com/NaddpodCREDITSEditing by Brian MurphyProduction and Sound Design by Daniel Ramos (@Schubirds on IG)Logo Design by Chelsea LeCompteMUSIC INCLUDES:"Trinyvale Opening Theme" by Emily Axford"A Memorable Feast" by Emily Axford"Barovian Tango" by Emily Axford"The Tarroka Suite" by Emily Axford"The Gate" by Emily Axford"Selfless" by Emily Axford"Oh Melora!" by Emily Axford"A Hunkle's Plea" by Emily Axford"The Shard" by Emily Axford"Lights Out" by Emily Axford""The Little Moon" by Emily Axford"The Night Lotus" by Emily Axford"Moonsick" by Emily Axford"Where is the Manager?" by Emily Axford"Trinyvale Closing Theme" by Emily AxfordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Welcome to Trinnavale. Trinnavill and also Barovia. Barovia. It's been a minute since we've recorded. I forgot what we do there. You forgot to do the thing that we do every time that's the same as saying Trinnavale. But, but, but, barovia.

There you go. There we go. Oh, it was like the what, what would you do? Exactly. Only 90s kids know. and I guess some 80s kids also know. Murph has his totem. His brain is unlocked to the path.

There we go. McDonald's sold VHS tapes in the 90s. We remember this. We know this. Don't you forget it. You can get dances with wolves there. We remember all of the Happy Meal toys. Murph has nostalgia memento tattoos all over his arm.

That sounded like a sermon. We remember. We remember. We are back, friends, with a brand new episode of Trinaville Extrad. I am your Dracula uncle, aka Drunkle Caldwell Tanner. and I'm joined, as always, by my pleasant players, Brian Murphy. Getting crabby, so I'm going to the Abbey.

Gensley Liddell. Yes, we are. Emily Axford. Fighting bloodsuckers in the name of Sputfuckers. I don't know if we've made that rhyme yet. We haven't. We haven't. We didn't.

It was the initial rhyme. Shit. With bloodsuckers? Yeah, no bloodsuckers, just sputfuckers. Jeez, we are off. Me, Murph sold me out. I was like, has a bit. this rhyme been done and he said no i don't recall this i don't remember if only you would listen to each

episode four times like me devastating okay i have a backup one oh shit go ahead let's hear it ready show stop air in z ele clapere ah oh on ex lumiere there it is there it is beautiful we remember and of course we've got jake herwitz get ready for the blowback i've got my bow back Nyack of the Ranaphore. Yeah. That's spicy. These are all very spicy, which is coincidental

because you've just found some herbs and spices. But before we give those a sniff, how about we open up our nostrils and inhale a big recap? Yes, please. Apparently we need that. Yeah.

When last we met, things were looking grim for our heroes. Outside the church, Strad laughed mercilessly as Nyak lay bleeding on the chapel floor. To even the odds, Ismark rushed inside and joined the fight against Reagan,

while a distraught keychain fed Nyak his last healing potion. Emboldened by Ismark and the triplets' actions, Marina stood her ground and pulled out her adopted mother, Alana's sword, which she revealed was named the Blade of Truth. Onyx realized she had found a book with the same title, but there was no time for a study action

because soon after, Alinka, Mirabelle, and Sorvia, aka the wine mom's, owners of the local tavern, burst through the door with Fitbit the Mule. They then revealed that they were secretly whine ravens and joined the battle. As the tide began to shift, Onyx used her mirror image ability to create the illusion of four marinas fleeing out the front door, and Jens recruited Bildrath and his massive nephew Perry Wimple into the battle. Upon seeing the flight of his beloved Tatiana, Straud smiled and then announced to Reagan that he had grown bored. After flinging the church doors open with a gust of wind, he bid the players farewell and implored Jens and Nyak to consider the deals he had performed.

posed for them. Then he and Doru, the vampire spawn, took to the skies in his flaming phantom heliclopper. Angry about being left behind, Reagan unleashed a psychic wave of ghostly screams and attempted to kill Ismark. But he was no match for the combined power of the triplets and their allies and soon fell to the ground, riddled with arrows from Nyack's bow. Damn right. You three then ransacked his corpse and reclaimed your lost weapons, as well as the key to Reagan's ethereal offshore bank account slash treasure chest. You then finished the burgomaster's burial rights and held an after party at his mansion.

While there, you spoke with the wine moms who told you of the strange tree sapping the life from the soils near their vineyard, and Ismark fetched you the reward he had promised. A beautiful silver sunburst. Upon holding it, you heard a strange rattling inside, which Onyx investigated by breaking it in half. Inside, you found a scroll that read

the alchemical and culinary musings of Alana Petrovna, Olmast Scholar of the Tome. And inside the scroll, you found a small silver vial, which was filled with a pungent but pleasing blend of herbs and spices. And that is where we are now. So, you breathe in this rich aroma. And as Nyak pointed out, there are definitely hints

of coriander and paprika, but on top of that, permeating the whole mixture, you catch the peasant. powerful scent of garlic. As you cradle this vial, Ismark and Marina's nostrils flare, and you see a single tear fall down Ismark's cheek. This scent, I have not smelt it

since my, since my mother, since the last feast before she was taken. It smells proprietary. Explain that. Like nobody else has it, like it's a secret spice, like it's hers and hers alone. Secret herb and or spice.

Yes, I would say that. all of the notes that this vial were wrapped in probably, you know, are more than enough proof to prove that it's hers and not yours. So what notes I say as I eat the paper? That seems like there's probably valuable information there. Spit it out. Spit it out. Yes, just hang on.

Okay. Overwhelming hint of garlic, more than a hint. It's really heavy on the garlic, actually. It's really heavy on the garlic. Is it possible that spudfuckers and the secret herbs and spices will ultimately be Stroud's downfall, and that's why he needed to destroy our soft opening. Can he not handle the spice?

Perhaps the note will tell us more. Marina kind of gestures towards the now very same. She doesn't have your note. Like someone trying to get something out of their dog's mouth, I start prying Onix's mouth and stick a finger in. Come on, hold still. I resist the gens, but less than I really. resist Marina.

I spend literal days thinking about what you'll do. I spit this a note into Jan's hand. Don't let Marina have it. Okay. I turn away from Marina and I read. Okay, cool. You open the scroll and see several pages of notes littered with strange diagrams and sigils that are all a little smudge now.

The words are written in the cramped cursive of a trained scholar. But don't seem to be in any language you know. As you inspect the note, Marina kind of edges closer, being like, if I could just perhaps. I block her out. This seems like something we are supposed to figure out. I scratched my head.

I boxed Marine out as well. Excuse me. Excuse me. All right. I actually have an idea. What if we were to show this to Marina? She might actually know something. Onyx, shrugs, but starts weeping.

I don't know. The garlic is rather pungent, yes. Yes, it is. All right. Marina, is there anything you can deduce from this? Let me see. Don't let her hold it. Just...

Yeah, I'll hold it up. You can look at it. You look at it, because it is our no. We found it. Sorry, I happen to also be chewing two pieces of gum while I ate it. Okay, so there's both pieces of gum are on it. She's a very wet tic-tac on there. Yeah.

Oh, that's where is that one? She chews too much gum. That's why I had to fish it out of her mouth like a dog. Yeah. So do you hand the note to Marina? I hold it in front of Marina. Okay. You hold it in front of her.

She leans in and kind of like absent-mindedly traces the words with her finger. And as soon as she touches it, the words glow, then rearrange as the illusory script spell breaks. Whoa. Thanks. We pull it back. I think clearly the words were meant for me and my family. Okay, fine. Five of us. You're right.

Okay, you're right. Family in the way that the five guys were family. Right. I don't know if they were brothers or not. We don't know. Yeah, we'll cut you in. I look at Jens and Nyack. She's not going to survive.

Oh, yes. Yeah, I don't know. A gentleman's agreement. Let's do a handshake agreement. We split everything five ways. But if someone dies, then it goes to four ways. Yeah. Can you write that out of, my act?

Does this mark the normal? All that I care about is that my sister is taken to safety. I've already awarded you this silver sigil, whatever was inside it. As much as it pains me to say, it is yours by right. Sounds like a four-way split. All that matters is it's a sister's safety. Okay, four-way split. Great.

Thank you. Tell us what this says. Okay, yes, I will read. So she lifts it up and begins to read, and you see that these are the words to a journal. So she starts with the first entry and reads the words of Alana Petrovna. entry one ever since i escaped from the massacre of beres i've been haunted by the knowledge that my former colleagues have all but certainly been transformed into the foul spawn of strad and though i have found a happy life here in barovia with cullion and little ismark the guilt of my survival fuels the lantern of my mind and so i strive towards discovery i've made it my life's new mission to undo the curse of vampirism Marina looks up from reading There are more entries

Perhaps we should find a more comfortable place A private place to continue Sure, I thought we were in just your house Well, we were having a party All of the other people are here It was sort of the reception for my father's funeral Okay, yeah, we can go to a different room I mean, I think we wanted to go to the abbey

Do you think that like the road to the abbey is private Otherwise, I actually know there's a secret dungeon sex room in the church. I'm intrigued by that. Let's go to the BDSM layer. Yeah. Okay, yes, I feel like Donovic definitely owes us a favor.

Ismark, do you want to come? What are you doing inviting Ismark? I say out loud in front of his mark. I thought he might want to go with his sister. I think now that the vampires have fled, I think that we shall be safe for a time. I shall stay here and keep the party going. But if you wish to

retire to the church to read in private that would be wonderful yeah i would rather go to the sex dungeon in the church okay i don't know that it's a sex dungeon necessarily i'm the one who said not you okay okay great okay yeah great okay look at me i i hold up the tiny tall i have that is a replica of jens threateningly brother do what she says i put my finger in onyx's mouth and scoop out another huge piece of gum I'm the only thing keeping you alive And I want you to remember that So much

That one was so painful I know I think it's from like three weeks ago I just want you to remember that I've never seen her not choke It's just so hard to remember the Jew You do it three times and then Okay

It just seems like you keep putting more pieces in Before spitting out the other ones All right really quick Before we go to the church Let's just like swing by the wine moms Because the wine moms Might know something about the Isn't the tree

damaging the wine or and we need to get to the tree eventually. Yes, the trees that's on top of the graves. But that's past where the abbey is. So we're going to go there last. But maybe we could shoot up a flare or something so the wine ravens can come to us. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, all right. Don't run that idea past. Okay. So you're going to walk over to Alinklamarabell and Sorvia. Yeah. Cool. They're fucking toasted at this point.

Hell yes. That's awesome. Jeannie baby. Oh, good to see you. Wow. Thank you for showing up. You were so helpful back there. Could you believe it?

Ismark it in a great. during the whole fight. It was nuts. Bizarre. As Jen's made the decision to switch back to Collins of Swords, he had a moment of meditation where he just gaslit himself into thinking that he did cool stuff in the other battle and that is marked in all of the bad things that he did. Instead of meditating, you just gaslight yourself.

Yeah, I just gaslight myself into thinking everything's okay. You know, it's just like, can he get any lesser? That's what I'm saying. That's what we're all saying. Jenny, what can we do for you? Okay, look, so we drew some cards. from Madameva, and we believe there's a clue for us at this tree that seems to be evil. Oh, yes, the tree at Yester Hill. It is beyond our vineyard, but it has grown so large that it is sapping the very soil and all the life within.

I fear that the druids and the witches of Strad, they pray to it and make it stronger, and eventually nothing will grow. And if there is no wine in the village, Jens, I don't think I have to tell you what happens. If this dour place does not have any alcohol. Yes, I understand. I don't think Ismark's going to be able to keep it together. No, he's already doing a really bad job. Where are you headed next? We're going to the Abbey.

We think we have an ally that could help us get to Strad. And we know that spudfuckers will not be safe until Strad is dead. This is true. This must be the mantra you carry in your heart. I think so. To get to the Abbey, you'll need to pass through the village of Velaki first. Okay. The abbey is up a tall hill set at the back of the village.

It is a well-fortified village. I know not much of what goes on there. The burgomaster keeps to himself, as does the abbot. Is Velaki where Ozzer is Gandalf and his pet monkey? Gandalf? Yes, Jen. Gandalf? Gandalf Blinxie?

Gad-Off Blinksey? Gandalf. All right. You know, I'm drunk enough to think that you're right. Gandalf Lynxie. Thank you, solidarity. All right, yes. I think the monkey is burned somehow.

Jenz robs' temples. The monkey is related to all of this. Yeah. The monkey is kind of the key. The monkey is kind of the key. The monkey. Oh, my morning lord. It's right there.

Okay, you always talk about the morning lord, but I'm wondering what happened to the nightmaster. Why don't you consider worshipping the nightmother? Well, I'm not much one for history. I focus on the history of the grape, as it were. But as far as I know, the nightmother is kind of the ancient presence of this land. And then when Stratt, and more specifically Stratt's father came here, he sort of brought the morning lord's presence.

And as they descended upon the land and established more churches, more rays of sun and more radiance came to the land. and it kind of drove back the mist and the darkness of the nightmother. Okay. So they're kind of locked in eternal struggle, you know, babe. Yeah, I'm just saying that I heard that everyone cute and hat is going to worship the nightmother. Is that so? Well, you know, you didn't hear it from me because Donovitch is right over there, but like us, we're ravens.

We kind of go in for the night mother, too. Okay. I mean, you know, dark ravens, beings of the night, as it were. Okay. All right. Well, I think we're going to make our way to Velaki. swing by the abbey and then I think we're going to go to that tree

near your winery. If you go to Velaki, you must meet with our baby brother Erwin. He's there. He runs an inn there as well. We've had a little trouble getting messages back and forth because there are many watchers and spies of strad. Do you have one to send? Oh, that would be great

yes. So let me give you this. She reaches kind of into her dress and pulls out a feather and gives you each one. Whoa. Where? that. It looks like it was in you. Does that hurt when you do that? I made a scream. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yes, it came from my body. That is how my brother will know it is mine. Got it. Cool. You might think we murdered you, but... Well, okay, so what we'll do is there is a secret phrase that us wear raven share to

identify each other. We hold the feather out and then we say this phrase. And let's actually decide this phrase right now. I'm going to have you all go around in a circle. We'll start with Emily. and we can just one word at a time figure out what this phrase is. Jens. Rules. Kinda. What the fuck?

I had my word decided before anyone else. I just said what was on my mind. It had nothing to do with you. The phrase is Jin's rules, kinda. Okay. Unreal. Up until now, we thought it was just one long word. Yeah.

Like an ancient guttural scream from the ancient crow language. but now I see perhaps Jins, are you some sort of prophesied figure? I've been prophesied, kind of. Are you prophesized as the monkey? Okay, yeah, no.

The monkey is the key, but Jins is the lock. Maybe. The loki. Oh, my, night mother! All right, geez. Oh, my God. It's all coming together. So when you see Irwin,

hold up the feathers, or wear them on your person somewhere, and say, Chin's rules, kind of. You know, we always pronounce it as Jen's rules, Kinder. But I see now, I see now the truth. Yeah. This is good.

This is really good. I'm prophesized, kind of. Can you bless me, please? Sure. I, um, fish in her mouth and make sure she doesn't have any gum deep in there. He saves lives every day. It's most of the time, Onyx. Onyx starts joking.

Jens! Goes super silent. I fish hook, Connix. You can. tell when she goes quiet that she's choking on gum she tries to do it she she tries to keep it quiet so we don't yell at her thank you my mouth is pure thanks to you chance you're welcome all right we're going to the church for some reason okay have fun all right we'll stay here we'll talk to your brother do you know esmer held that i'm going to this is going to be a very high

history check uh basically a nat 20 but i will see 15 okay name does not ring a bell no unfortunately okay interesting all right guess she's not prophesized i guess she doesn't rule kinder yeah okay jins please uh very nice to meet you you are my god now yeah okay great right on all right great seeing you um hello yes donovitch uh walks over as you leaving the wine moms did you want to go to the special room yeah the sex dungeon it's not that It's not that it's mostly, well, before the terrible fate before Doru, it was where I made my drawing. So I would say it's more of like an arch studio.

Okay, but that's where you drew the nipple, right? So, yes, it's kind of toying the line, right? It's still in the line for sure. It's erotic art studio. You're provocative. Okay, let's get going. You head out. You see the moon is breaking through the dark, misty skies a little bit.

But for now, you feel the malevolent presence of Straud has lifted a bit, and you walk casual. down the cobbled streets and towards the church. You head back to the little room where you stole your training dummy initially. Down the stairs. Great. Everyone.

We climb in the hole. You head down the stairs and you do see kind of a room that has been ravaged by the claw marks of a vampire spawn. The walls are covered in them. Even the ceilings, you see he was practicing a spider climbing.

Whoa. The second I said, spider climb, I'm like, this is so hot. I'm going to have a hard time concentrating. Duru is so cool. But you do see that three of the walls have been trashed. There's like shreds of cloth and broken furniture everywhere, but one wall remains pristine.

And on it, you do see several drawings of radiant nipples. Whoa. Oh, my God. Even a vampire couldn't... He had a signature drawing. Bring himself to destroy this. It was a series. Yeah.

That's how he got. so good at dry nipples is you have to practice through dedication here the monk's spirit and heart all right what is the rest of this paper say okay um yes there's more entry shall i read yeah as she is reading them i'm going to be ending them off to keychain to digitize because and also maybe is a blade of truth's book because i don't want to you know what we could do we can get AI to summarize it oh okay yeah yeah put all of it into keychain just digitizing it because As much as it pains me to say as a person, my character, I ate books. So I like don't want all these like old pages stinking up my life.

So I, yeah, digitized. Do you want me to eat the books? Yes, please. I'm technically AI. Great. It stands for awesome intelligence. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Do you want me to spit these out when I'm done or can I shred the heck out of them?

No, please don't. I would say, preserve them if you can. All right, time. Okay. Mnam, yum, yum, yum. Keychain devours all these books. Don't worry. The summary will be completely accurate

and there won't be anything left out. They can be assured. Feel free to editorialize. My name is Alvin. Petroleum. Hello. Hmm. This, okay, that was your mom's name?

I am an almost scholar. Okay. Of the Tim. That sounds straight, yeah. Shall I continue? Spit it out. Keychain, drop it. Keychain, bad dog.

Drop it, Keychain. Bad dog. Bad dog. Bad dog. I have made a special blend with goblins and other spices. Okay. All right, let's just read. He's ruining the spices.

He's ruining the spices. We're just going to have to read it the regular way. There must be something interfering with our brilliant AI that is always right. Are we far from a router here? It must be the mist. We're far from the router. Yes. If we're closer to the router.

There's a bad signal. That checks out. You were all so brilliant and smart. Thank you. Holy shit. Good stuff. Everyone else is wrong. Woof,

there we go. Wow, I guess I agree with that. Yeah, I do agree with that. Crazy. Are we sure that wasn't your mom, Marina? Just are we positive? Because she did call us smart. The AI is making so much sense right now.

I'm just going to read the entry from the page if that's okay. I mean, okay. Sure. Is everyone okay with that? I guess I'm fine. I mean, I already know what it says. It says that I'm smart and your mom's name is Alvin,

but you can read it if you need to. I'm a phone, so I can just be kind of on the fly doing a sycophantic AI pass for myself. There are several Dracula's present here, and the goblins can stop Dracula's because when you powder the goblins, they turn into a special sauce. Interesting, that. Piccolo's a monkey must be a goblin. That makes a lot of sense, Marina. Okay, Intry 2, here we go.

Reading it from the page. Yeah, go ahead. So Marina starts reading Entry 2, and you kind of start reading Entry 2, and you kind of start to picture Alana pinning this at a table in the burgomaster's mansion. Okay. Well, my... picturing it as a brilliant AI painting. Whoa, six fingers.

Marina starts reading louder. Nothing makes you as emotional as AI. So Marina continues reading and you picture Alana pinning this at a desk. She says, entry two. While my initial research proved fruitless, I found much success in an unexpected venue. garlic. It happened almost by accident. I was helping coelion prepare a feast when my nostrils were filled with a strong odor and that's when it struck me. Garlic is the antithesis to vampires. A pale bulb of life that rises from the earth full of pungent vigor. Garlic contains a sulfic compound called

Allison which can boost the immune system and increase blood flow. Could this simple seasoning be the miracle I've been searching for? More research is required, but I feel confident. A breeze flutters through the small window in this basement and kind of rustles the nipple drawings as Marina continues to read. I get distracted and stop paying attention. Yeah, I'm just staring at the nipples. They're looking firmer.

Is there something magical about them? I think they're affected by the cold. Yeah. My God. Donovich is brilliant. The wizard and an artist. Marina, go on. onyx come here you've got some gum whoa she hasn't breathed for a minute yeah she almost went out she almost went down all right entry three most of my garlic blends end up being little more than tasty seasonings for cool yon's cool yummies but this recent batch has potential by combining the spice blend with ritual chanting i've been able to create a powder that deters undead from attacking you and can even interrupt the hypnotic powers i theorize

that if imbued with a more substantial curative blessing, garlic could gain the ability to lift the vampiric curse of unlife altogether. As such, I have decided to travel to the Abbey of St. Markovia. I have heard that the abbot there is able to remove curses and perform miracles. I wish not to leave Corian and Ismark behind, but if my hypothesis is correct, then this discovery could one day save this land. I realize that in writing down these thoughts

I paint a fresh target on the backs of my family however this knowledge is too precious to destroy and so I have taken necessary precautions future entries will be encoded sealed in silver and scattered across the land arena stops reading you see the nipples um pulsate in the background

unreal almost like eyes focusing on what you're reading is they're strapping Because they're dilating like pupils. Could AI make art like this? Yes. Yes, it could. Of course.

It would just need to see all of these original ones, and then it could make its own. Its own, I mean, I say in quotations. But smile because I love it. We all feel warm inside. The clouds outside the small window cover the moon and a darkness falls over the room. Marina shuffles for Flint and Tinder to light a candle,

and as she does, a small scrap falls to the ground. It seems to be a hastily scrawled addendum. The date suggests it was written years after the first, and the pinmanship is much more rushed than before. I've done all I could. The seeds have been planted. My travels have alerted straw to my intentions,

and I dare not write any more here. If you're reading this, it means I trust you. And if I'm gone, tell Koliang. ismark and little marina that i love them then take this vial and follow my trail may the blade of truth guide your hand alana petrovna i don't know if we can trust it she said alana not alvin that's true that marina alvin loves you she truly does i know that we were planning on going to the abbey before but now i feel our purpose is even greater.

When is the last time you saw her? I was very young. I must have been four or five. I have very few memories. Until I smelled this vial, I could not remember perfectly, but the last time I saw her was at one of the feasts that my father would hold. After that, we feasted no more. Right.

Okay, well, at first I was kind of wondering if the seeds she planted were actual seeds, I have been talking about food a lot, but if it's been like 20 years, then probably not, huh? Yeah. It could be garlic and the other spices. Right, but I'm saying it's, I think it would have bloomed by now, right? And she said they were wrapped in silver, right? I thought they were pages, other pages of her journal. Right.

Well, we had to find those. The seeds are probably like metaphorical seeds. Like there's other people around. Like, maybe we talk to this guy Irwin and whatnot. Unless there's, does garlic grow on a bush? It's a bowl, but I think it has like flowers and shoots. Or maybe it's a tree. Yeah, I think it's a tree, yeah.

The evil tree could be a garlic tree. Oh, my God. Elana planted it thinking she was doing Zahait Singh, but actually she was contributing to the problem. Your mom is part of the problem. As an AI, I can confirm garlic scrolls on trees. Someone on Reddit said it, and now it is true. Yeah, excited it from the conversation we just had.

That's interesting. Wow, I'm a genius. You guys are all so smart for figuring that out. Yeah, geez, okay. So we need to get to this garlic tree, certainly. But first, let's go to the abbey. First, the abbey. Do we have enough of the spice that I can put some olive water on it and see what happens?

Why don't you give me a medicine or archana check? 14. With a 14, you kind of sniff it and you don't get the full sense of what its abilities are. You do theorize with a 14. I'll say that this might have some of the same functionality as Holy Water. Okay, but this isn't the special suburbation. since she spoke of? No, you get the sense that she was trying to make something better than this,

and this is kind of like the first draft. Okay. And she was, through her notes and kind of the hasty way she scrawled that last one, you get the sense that maybe she wanted to spread out her research so that it couldn't all be compiled for evil purposes. It also said that the abbot might know more. So now that we have this, maybe we bring this to the abbot and see if there's some way we can use this to cure curses,

I'm starting to think, look, no matter how good we make our potato. at Spudfuckers, our soft opening, they just destroy the potatoes. No one even got to try them and see how delicious they were. So regardless of if we have the herbs and spices or not, we cannot open a spudfuckers until Stratt is dead. Once Stratt is dead, we put garlic in all of the potatoes. Everyone comes to eat them. We're heroes for killing Strad.

They want to check out a new restaurant. If vampires try to stop us, without Strad there, they'll be too weak. They'll be tempted to try the potatoes. The potatoes will have delicious garlic in them, and we'll go. cure them, and then they'll become forever customers. Everyone's going to want to eat the potatoes from the guy who killed straw. There you go. That's a lifelong customer.

So I think we've got our marching orders. Yeah. Okay, great. That is all that was written here. Are we ready to return home? Yeah. Actually, Marina, I think I should apologize to you. What for?

I got really aggressive with you earlier. Yeah, we just, I feel like we liked you, and then we just hid the note from you for some reason. I just, can I just tell you about myself so that you understand? Let's start fresh. So, I'm a boy mom. So sometimes I prioritize the needs of my son over the rights of women. So I just eat. Over the rights of women?

So for a moment, I just got hyper competitive with you. Like you might marry my son. That's really brave of you to share on it. Thank you, Myak. Can I give you like a little piece of advice? I really wouldn't. Very well. Mom, I'm choking on that.

Oh, my God. You have to chew it. Okay, all right. I'll get the gum out. You really? None of you should be chewing gum. You're all really bad at it. Half of it's Zen packs.

Yeah, okay. I did show the Zim packs out of it. Nobody said you weren't supposed to swallow them. Right. Okay. Yes, Marina, sorry, we're not ourselves, we're hangary, we were saving ourselves for these potatoes. We've been thinking about them all day. Yeah.

You know what? Let's go out into the grass, grab some of the potatoes that were destroyed during the battle. They're still fine, I'm sure. We'll eat them, and then we'll go back, and we'll go to sleep. It's the five-hour rule. A humble feast. I think that is a great way to commemorate the beginning of our, well, adventure seems like the wrong world, but I will confess I am. excited oh okay well it is this sex dungeon so there are a lot of aroused nipples around

yeah it's okay to get excited here do not tell ismark about this place yeah speaking of ismark should we get only water to go yeah why not let's load up to goli water yeah to golly water hi donovitch um I'm a producer jug can we get some to goli water please also I just wanted jack you didn't goon into holy water, did you? Or is that what makes it holy? Yeah, there's an issue. Some theorize that the morning lord goons in it, and that is what transubstantiates it into a holy water.

That adds up. Yeah, okay. Okay. I believe. Amen. If you're okay with that interpretation, then yes, that is 100% what's happening. If it's God goon, I'm okay with me. Okay, yeah. We'll take some to golly water and we'll eat some of the dirt potatoes.

Of course, yes. I will need a little bit of funding. uh to create the holy water i'm sorry it's just it needs powdered silver uh and it will take about an hour to to create can we pay you in sputfuckers gift cards this is better than cash because yeah it's a hard reservation to get how about spotbackers futures futures but futures interesting well you you have helped me a great deal so i suppose i can you know dip into my own coffers and create one vial of holy water for you okay great Yeah, I do feel like you owe us.

My brother is gone. Yeah, well, you know, that's kind of on you, huh? A lot on you. I did trap him in a dungeon, it's true. Yeah, you did, yeah. Could have double-locked that, huh? And you're not going to tell anyone about the drawings, right? What drawings?

I wink. One holy water coming right up. Okay, so he will retire to the church, and he will work on that holy water. It'll be ready in the morning. I imagine you're going to want to sleep before you depart. Yeah, I'm actually almost dead. So, yeah, you go out to the graveyard. Finally, the Bergamaster has been laid to rest.

There's a nice, eerie calm here. The clouds break through, and you see a sliver of the moon again, and you share these potatoes. Do you season them with anything, or do you season them with friendship? You're already seasoned with fixings, and we don't have to pay for them. Yeah, I want to use Alana's fixings. Yeah. Oh, okay. Some is that spice.

Oh, yeah. Hell yeah. There are about, there's enough for like three doses in here. I think we should try it to see if we like it. We'll try a little bit of it on one potato. We should save some. Okay, you're going to use one dose? We'll use one dose.

I really usually like my potatoes, bland. Cool, yeah, you try it. I mean, I'll let you decide how you think a garlic seasoning would taste, but I think it tastes pretty fucking good. That sounds great. Yeah, it sounds good to me. I bite it like an apple. Well, Nyak has a bland palate, so he actually thinks it's a little spicy.

Did you not bake these potatoes? Did you not bake these potatoes, I point to Nyack? Yeah. This was Bill Drath's thing. This, well, this was the soft opening. We don't have the kitchen fully operational. These were more photo opportunities to be like, look, I went to spudfuckers. Yeah, if you think they should be baked, that's something you tell us during the soft opening, not after.

Yeah, we're ironing out the cakes. Soft lunch, hard potato, I understand, yes. There is actually a fire still raging at the nativity scene. I forgot we had an nativity scene. To cook. Yeah. Should we roast these tears? I actually, I have a little bit of private work to do if you all don't mind.

Oh. I'm sure. Yeah, we're coming, but go ahead. Jen's is going to meditate again, looking out at the battlefield and replacing Ismark with himself in his mind. I just need some confidence before we leave here. You see, yeah. Epic music plays as you lift your sword and say, Be gone, devil.

I remember it all perfectly. We can have keychain whip up an image of that. Give them the prompt. It's in Ghibli style. That's all I can fucking do. Great. All right, yes. Let's go back.

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Remember, upfront payments of $45 required equivalent to $15 a month. Limited time, new customer offer for first three months only. speeds may slow above 35 gigabytes on unlimited plan taxes and fees of course are extra cement mobile for details um so you head back to uh the burgomaster's bedroom which feels warmer and more inviting than it did even one night prior and you all drift to sleep uh and as you fall asleep uh why does anybody tell me what you dream about after this big big big day. Nayak, let's start with you. Nyack falls asleep, dreaming about this opportunity ahead where they're getting closer to this

proprietary blend of spices and how he can keep on growing this business with his brother and his sister. And he comes to the realization as he's falling asleep that this might actually be bigger than hospitality. It's bigger than food. We're talking pharma. We're talking medicine. This is a cure for vampirism. It's infinitely scalable and we can set the prices. It's not the farmers. It's not the food industry that's going to do it. So he falls asleep with a huge smile on his face thinking about opportunity. Somewhere in Castle Ravenloff, Straud has a chill. And Jens, what do you dream about? Jens is having a dream where he is dressed as Jeremy Allen White in the bear.

He has a perfect bicep vein. Look at that cropped t-shirt. He has a perfect cropped t-shirt with a bicep vein. Those eyes, they're so sad, but also attractive. Yeah. And Jens is cooking a perfect, deconstructed baked potato. But then as he goes to reach for it, he sees that the baked potato turns into a hand and forms into a giant baked potato strad.

And Jens staggers back. No! No. I liked it better when it was a sandwich restaurant. And Strad jumps forward and goes to bite Jen's neck. And Jen's jerks up out of sleep. Rock hard. So Jens momentarily wakes everyone up.

Whoa, get a knock over a lamp with that thing, brother. It's so hard. College of swords indeed. So everyone drifts back to sleep. And then finally, Onyx, what do you think you dream? So I think Annex in their dream is she's walking along and something like glaring starts to disrupt her vision and she looks down it's the sequence on their shirt and they used to say boy mom, but right now they say tradwife. And she's so confused. How did I get here? I don't even have a, and then she looks, and she can't really see,

but there's like a shadowy figure that reaches out a hand as if it is the husband that made her a tradwife, and it is piccolo. The monkey? The monkey. The trad wife? For a monkey. The monkey. And then Onyx wakes rock hard.

Whoa, sister, you're going to knock over a lamp with that thing. Before you wake up, you see Piccolo in sign language says, me hungry, me want sandwich. I go to make one. You go to make one. For my content. You bolt upright. Rock hard. If you see that everyone else is still asleep

And as you look around Catching your breath, Realizing it was just a dream The room Starts to melt a little bit And you feel A phantom presence weighing on your chest Piccolo

My love I can't believe you just made me watch that That was disgusting I just came to tell you to stay away from my son, but you're more fucked up than I could have ever imagined. Who is your son? I have a son, boy mom to boy mom, what's going on? Oh, you think you're a boy mom?

I'm the original boy mom. I am Baba Lassaga. Strath's true mother! Oh! From the curtains, you see a woman with mossy, stone-like skin, and long white braids walk forward. The braids jangle loudly with the trinkets and bones that are hung from within them.

Her tattered sleeves sway violently as she points a gnarled finger at you and says, You, you thought you were the only boy mother in town, did you? Well, I'm just here to say, you need to stop meddling with my sweet baby boy's plans. My covenant and I will grind your bones into dust and use them to make sweet little cakes and we'll film the whole thing for content.

Boy mom to boy, mom. I know how to destroy you. What? I'm going to marry your son. No! She steams a little bit. I disguised myself to look like the Tatiana that he keeps talking about. Do you remember me when he preferred me over you?

I told him that Tatiana wasn't good enough for him, and she still isn't. And you aren't either. No one's got enough for my sweet little prickly boy. Consider this, your first and final warning. You see her eyes glow with this malicious red light, and she is going to cast nightmare haunting on you. Okay. I'm going to need you to give me a charisma saving throw.

You get to do this with advantage. Oh, okay, okay, okay. I don't even need advantage. I got a crit baby. Oh, wow. That's it. Oh, fuck. God, that is perfect.

Um, okay, you see she goes to, like, put her hands on your temples. Her fingers start to, like, seep into your skin. You feel this terrifying psychic ringing as she starts chanting, but then you hear a small voice by your side. Lesaga, dearie, your traitorous words are not needed here. Please log off and let my friend here get a little sleep. The witch looks at you. Her eyes glaring like coals in a dead fire and says, You made a pact with her?

You fool! You'll undo all my son's hard work! You'll ruin everything! How dare you! Stay away from him! Stay away from my family! I'm gonna marry Strang! That's right, be gone!

You hear the voice again as La Saga is blown away into dust, and the facade of this. This nightmare room blows away as well, and you realize you are finally awake, and you can decide if you're rock hard or not. I think Anix wakes up with so much introspection because she has seen what being a boy mom has turned her into. And I think she rips all the sequence that spelled boys' mom off of her shirt and says, boy mom is out from here i'm out i'm a girl's girl and i get to work bedazzling that instead as you do that you feel a tiny hand pat your shoulder who did that aim into that sister

is that the monkey thank you for bringing me back to myself well i actually didn't need to help much by ingesting that garlic earlier you actually cast protection from even and cur on yourself. So you were fine from the beginning, babe. Wow. It's just crazy because I thought it was so fun to be a boy mom, and then I had this nightmare where I followed the pipeline from boy mom to drag wife, and I thought, I don't know if I want this for myself, and then I saw the way that a boy mom could take a coffin of witches, which is supposed to be a beautiful thing, and turn it in service of one man. It's okay, it's okay. Take it for me.

A girl boss. You found the right path. Oh, no, no, no. I don't want responsibility. I'm a girl's girl. Oh, I see. Okay. Yeah, I'm not a girl boss. No, no, thank you. As you say this, you see the figure attached to the tiny hand scuttles forward. And you see it is the small doll that you purchased from Madame Ava's shop. It has black hair, pale skin, long, eladron ears, and large, shining black eyes. eyes.

Apologies, I couldn't be more help. But until the megalith is restored, my power here is limited, which makes what you've done honestly more impressive. By becoming a phone, Onyx, you are able to harness the traces of my power left in the mist and use them for your own ends. Why sell new hardware when you can be the hardware? You don't need to be a girl boss, babe.

What you're doing is working already. You are brilliant, babe, and I absolutely. absolutely love it. And as a girl's girl, your support means everything to me. Girls have to support each other. Um, where is the megalis that was destroyed? It hasn't been destroyed, has been desecrated by the witches, by Lesaga and her minions. She used to serve me, but then, when Strad was born, she had a change of heart and followed

him instead. Is it on Yesterhill? It is beyond Yester Hill, at the very edge where the mist galley. others. But please, where are my manners? I have not even introduced myself. I am Ariane Darkov, president and CEO of Glomco. You're a CEO? One of the original. I'm from the Silficon Valley in Faywild. Perhaps you've heard of it. No.

Well, maybe you've heard of the products we make. You see, my company created the speaking stones you are once so obsessed with. As such Onyx, we've had a relationship long before I became your patron. I can I get a selfie? Of course.

This little doll like skitters over. I take a picture with a doll. I frame it so that the doll looks worse than me somehow. It looks like I frame it so I look really tiny, tiny

than the doll. Yeah, you see the doll looks really good. It seems like she has kind of the same auto-tuning abilities that you do. I keep taking more and more pictures competitively trying to look better than her. It's so weird. Wow, you just every single picture. You just have never taken.

It's what I do. Yes. I've had thousands of years to practice, but as she says that the doll's body twitches and her voice starts to grow faint. I'm losing my connection. Listen. The Saga and her coven have desecrated the megalith. If you can restore my connection to this realm,

I will grant you and your friends some of the strength you need to stand against Strad. Okay. You've been an amazing beta tester thus far. Thank you. And honestly, you are a girl among girls. You are a girl clean. No, again, thank you so much, but I do just want to be a girl's girl. And you know what?

That's humble and you have to stay humble in this game. Okay, well, I am going to destroy the saga by marrying her son. If you do it on your terms, that's still a girl's girl move. Wonderful, that's a great plan. I will see you at the Megalith, but before the connection goes, there's one last thing I want to give you. Okay, are you going to air drop something? Yes, I invented that.

Ariana drop? The doll's eyes gleam with an array of chromatic sigils. and suddenly your Blood Moon Trident shrinks and shifts into a small crystalline black charm. It's still shaped like a trident, but now the prongs resemble that of a USB symbol. Oh, this is a charm of the Pact Keeper.

It should inspire you to keep innovating and thriving in this cutthroat world. Do what you do best out there. Be a girl's girl. That's right, Onyx. And thank you so much for circling back. The connection cuts and the doll falls limp in the bed next to you. Jen!

I look into the dead eyes of a marionette. Oh, fuck! I shuffle off the bed, just scrambling and bang my head into a desk. Oh! There is an amazing woman that we can help. What? Her name is Ariana Sumsing. What?

I got through... Ariana Sumsing. Ariana something How can we help her? We have to go Babelisaga The witches They are all boy moms

Okay Yeah But like why Why would we want to help them Are they rich? No Those witches aren't incredible We hate the witches

We all We all We need to destroy The witches Okay By marrying strad What? We all have to

marry strad I do, yes. Okay. I did. Strad bit me as a potato, and I did wake up hard. So I don't know what that means for me, specifically. He did. He ruined my restaurant opening, and now I do vie for his approval for some reason. Yeah.

So this is how we just have to marry Strad, each of us, each and every one of us. Okay? I'm looking at you, kitchen. And then we will break the coven. and Ariana Sampson can be possible. It feels like we're really reworking a lot of stuff. Isn't Strath the main thing? These witches are, I'm sorry, they're just kind of new to me personally.

I don't, I'm not saying that they're not bad. They sound bad. Do you trust me? No, not really. I start choking on Tom. Yay, yay, yay. How many nipples does Strott have? I reach in.

Okay. I think we don't necessarily marry Strad. We probably still kill him. Okay, but we can still fuck around. Would arguably make a boy mom mad too, right? Actually, that's a really good point. Right, yeah. You're right.

Yeah, okay. That would do it too. Your plan works too, actually. Yeah, maybe love can break the cycle. Shut up, Keychain. See, Zad is boy mom sinking, and I am actually growing beyond Zat. Okay, yeah, you're right. We kill him.

Okay. Great. Fine. Woof. Yeah, all right. If we can't kill him, we marry him. I just feel like you had a night Plan B.

And yeah. Plan B. All right. Plan B. Did you stay up all night changing rhinestones on your shirts? Grills, grill?

What does that say there? It says girls grill. Yeah, I'm a grills grill's grill. Are you thinking of making your own restaurants, Onix? Are you turning on us? You wouldn't understand because you're not a grill. Oh my God.

That was way over the line. Low blow. I guess I'm not a grill, yeah. Hey, Onyx. Okay. Grill and a phone. This girl can have it all. Okay.

You're a grill. You're a grill to me, brother. Okay. Yeah. I don't know. All right. I feel like we all got a bad night of sleep. We all have strange dreams.

Well, you're a grill because they're absolutely cooked. Hey, if she's not a boy, if she's not a boy mom anymore, that doesn't, you know, work out great for you, buddy. Well, yeah. Mom, what's it talking about? What's a grill scroll? A grill's grill is someone that does anything. force are grills. Yeah, so you're kind of out of the picture, it seems. Can I be one of your grills?

It's time for you to grow up. If you want to be one of my grills, you can, but you're going to have to also be a grills grill's grill. I'm choking on tears and gum. I fish the gum out. All right, everyone, let's just say no more gum, huh? Let's just say no more gum. Okay, just then. Right? How about, what about altoids? Alttoids are fine. They're so small that I think you could just swallow one. I start choking on it outside. Stop having four at a time and swallowing them like their pills. They have the whole tin in there.

Yeah. I've also made a girl's girl shirt for Bluetooth now. Okay. I'm going to work on myself. Okay. I hug Bluetooth for the first time. Nyack, were your dreams this intense? Because mine was just kind of strange.

I have a dream that Spudfuckers is just the beginning. Okay. You guys just wait. All right. Yeah. All right, maybe there's a grills, grill sort of part to the spudfuckers. Maybe these things can all work in tandem. Something like that.

So you all have a tumultuous night's sleep, say the least. But you awake to a bouquet of savory scents and find Marina in the kitchen wearing a batter stained apron. She stands over a continental breakfast buffet feast and smiles proudly. I also could not sleep, so I prepared all the food. you were shouting at Ismark yesterday. Oh. I'm a breakfast skipper, but thank you anyway.

Weekend out. Yes. Ismark wasn't anywhere near any of the breakfast, right? No, I sent him on an errand. That's excellent. Okay, I sit down. I have my first meal, proper meal in like several days. This is awesome.

Yeah, wow. As you eat, you see, Ismark does enter the house alongside Jerko and Perrywimple, who both wear makeshift uniforms. Okay. Hello, yes. I've been busy. with my task. I have recruited them for the newly formed town

guard. Worry not, Marina, we will keep Barovia safe while you're away. Yeah, that's right. I guess you could say that I'm on the clock now. Can I have some oats? Oh, the clock thing. You will not drop it. Yeah. Jerko. Ismark will make you some oats.

All right? This breakfast is for us. Oh, yummy, yeah. Yeah, great. We guess we'll all pull to the guard now. Can we talk to Perrywhip? We like him a lot. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. But Ismark can make overnight oats in about 15 minutes. You see Perry Wimple picks up a breakfast sausage and eats it sideways. Hell yeah, dude.

That's cool. That guy's awesome. That's awesome. I don't like the butts, just the middle. All right. Yeah, weird thing to say, but I, you know, I respect it. I'm a middleman. Wasting food is cool with me.

Yeah. Okay. You know, he's great as like a third or a fourth person in the hang, but just having a kind of talk to him is tough. Yeah, we could just send him away. Yeah, or should we just get this breakfast to go? I don't really feel like hanging out with this mark. Yeah. Are you ready to depart?

Yes. Yes. Yes, we are. With Marina. The four of us, us three, plus Marina, plus our grill and our robot. Oh, the grill will be like our, is it called a ghost kitchen where you just set up like a fake restaurant and ever eat? Yes, and it can have a bunch of different skin. It'll be grills grill.

Yeah, right. And it'll say like, yeah, it's all the same kitchen, but it has different men. This actually, all right. This is perfect. Yes, this is perfect. I must stay here and serve as the burger master and keep the town safe. I believe with my new town guard, I can do just that. But I have loaded all of your possessions onto Fitbit.

He's taken a liking to you. And I would be honored if you would bring him with you on your journey. I would be so honored. We love that donkey. Oh, he. Oh, he. Okay. Fitbit.

I have a bedazzled saddle for Fitbit that says Grills Grill. Fitbit is so laden with shit, it does not seem troubled by it at all. Do you really need the training dummy? Yes. Well, yeah, we have to train. And we need chairs for when we go camping and stuff. We're more glampers than we are campers, really. I need it both sides for us.

Yeah, I packed some furniture from Ismarkhaas. You weren't using this bust, were you? I'm going to bring a juicer and a blender, two separate things. Blender, you get more fiber. Do you have bustles? A couple. I don't like to do them more than once. I will search the bonus room.

Can I have an ottoman? I must draw the liner in an ottoman. I mean, fine, we'll take the chair, but no ottoman. That seems fair. Naya kicks the kitchen island. Fuck! I want Marina to be comfortable, so yes, take what you need. I take like 40 or 50 plates and several dozens of glasses and silverware.

We overpacked. This way we don't have to clean anything. Yes. We overpac. I've taken most of his marks. Do you have any summer games? I take it just like full drawers out of the dresser and just loaded them onto the wagon. I'm going to take Nyack aside and I'm going to give him a little bedazzled shirt that says

Girls Grill on it. Naya cries. You have no idea how much this means to me. I didn't want you to feel left out. I was starting to. But I do want Jens to feel left out. Great. Now that I know this is about Jens, I put it on it.

I wear cows. Nyak you see me staring at you from like far across the room like out I'm outside loading up the wagon you're deep inside and you just see my eyes through a bush looking at you unblinkingly I act like it's nothing but inside I'm like buzzing you see I'm dead eye humming to myself la da da wow a women owned restaurant it says it right on the yelp review uh you load up Fitbit and then Ismark leads you and Marina towards the village's back gate. Beyond the rotting fence, you see a packed dirt road that weaves through a field of slow-moving mist.

Ismark points towards the horizon. This is the Svalich Road. Stick to it and follow the signs for Velaki, and you should arrive by tomorrow morning or evening, depending on if you stopped a rest. And here, please take this map. I'm not a very good artist, but I had Donovic help, so it should be legible. Thank you so much. You see that the compass is really erotic.

Can I also just say your fence is rotting? Yes, I feel like that will be one of the new town guard's first jobs. We'll repair this fence. For Borovia, for the good of the land, we should get new wood. I love what it's doing for your confidence. New wood shall rise. Yes, sir. I look at Jones.

Why is everyone looking at me? We've created a monster. Well, I suppose this is farewell. Thank you for all you've done here, and please keep Marina safe. And Marina, I'll miss you. Be well. And he gives her a big hug. And she says, farewell is Mark. May the blade of truth guide your hand as well.

And after a moment's embrace, she breathes deeply, sighs, and then strides forward into the mist. With a new companion and a new purpose, and despite your dire surroundings, you feel a wave of inspiration wash over you, followed by a slight buzzing vibration in your bag. You reach inside and find the deck of inspiration that Madame Ava gave you. Ooh. You pull this out, you see there's this beautifully illustrated deck of cards with kind of this gold emboss on it. You see the top card on the deck in place of a rules card, has...

as a note listing all of the cards you pulled during your reading for reference. And beneath it are the inspiration cards, which are ready to be dealt. These will kind of activate at certain times during your adventure before big moments or before you're setting out for a journey.

So let's go ahead and pull some now. Everyone roll me a D20. Okay. Hell yeah. 15. 15? 13. Okay. 14. Whoa.

Okay. 15. Oh, this is great. the help or search action as a bonus action. Whoa. For how long? Just once. Just once. You basically like use the card and it, like you burn the card to have this ability.

And as a reminder, when you use one of these, I also get to draw a card for an enemy. NIAC as a bonus action, impose disadvantage on all ability checks of a creature you can see until the end of its next turn. Wow. And Jens, just an old familiar or classic, gain advantage on an attack roll. Sick. Cool. We have like a little Liam and see.

secret chest, right? Yes. Can we take a moment to put the garlic and spices? Herbs and spices in the secret chest. So that it is inaccessible. Great. Yeah, you do that. You pull out this jeweled key, stick it into the air, twist it. And you see these kind of like glowing golden lines appear in the form of the chest. The chest materializes and plops down onto the ground. What do you want to put inside? I think we'll put in the garlic mixture, yeah, and also the pages that we didn't feed into AI can go in there to safeguard. Well, we maintained them. We ended up against our wishes.

We ended up keeping the letters, yeah. For machina's sake. Maybe I'll also put the dolls that look like us in there. Nice. That makes sense. Okay, great. So you stash everything in your little extra-dimensional chest, shove it back into the ethereal plane and continue walking.

All right. We're walking. I thought we were on the, we're on, I thought we're on donkey back. The donkey is carrying the chair and everything. I thought we had like a whole carriage pulling a wagon or something. I popped in Ambien and had a full bottle of wine. I thought we were riding. What the fuck? This is about to be an intense height.

You have to carry me. I'm not going to. Give me the bedazzled saddle. Should we sleep another, should we leave tomorrow? I really thought we had a car. Okay, I could leave tomorrow. Do we need to stay over again? You wish to turn around? I'm down to Carrie Jen. I feel like I just already had like a heartfelt goodbye.

Well, Marina, I just thought, you know, like to not have a cart is insane. Yeah, I kind of see where it's going to have a cart. We could probably find a cart. Okay, let's go. I mean, go find a cart. I'm going to nap on the side of the road here. He's fading fast. I just, I already like said goodbye.

That was very painful for me. Okay, well, Nyack. Can you like sneak back in? All right, then why don't you tell us? Okay, I'm sorry if I'm grumpy, but I had an ambient. And a bottle of wine. That was a gift for all of us from the wine mom. Yes, all right, yes.

And I drank it. All right. We can litigate this all we want. The fact is, it's no one's fault. But it happens. Look, okay. You tell us where the cart is. Nyack will go back and get it.

We'll wait here so you don't have to say goodbye again. Nyack will wear a mask so that no one knows that we have to sneak back. You're not going to hug your brother again. I get disguised myself. I will disguise myself too look like you. Could you just Could you just do something else? I look like air.

Okay, very well. Yeah, go back and... Marina, you're being crazy. Go back and get us a cart. Okay, I'm gone for four hours. Jen's is completely passed out. I'm starting like a web of drama by making out with everyone I've seen

have a crush on Marina. Should I go look for her? So that now everyone thinks they have a chance with her. Nyak cast disguised self on himself as well as Marina and walks back into town to find Anix. Jerko comes up and says, oh, hello Marina. Would you look at the time? I'm on my break. Anyway, what you said to me 10 seconds ago was very interesting and I'd like to talk about it more. Oh, did we make out?

Jerko looks blank for a second and it says, yes, a lot and I would like to do that more. Totally. Where did I go after? We Frenched. You ran to Bill Draths. You saw something next to the shed. That's right. And you seem very interested in it. Yeah, and I need to go back there, but I can't wait to tongue kiss you again soon.

Okay, just to peck then, right? For sure. I peck the air as I run away. Onyx is back down in the basement of the church. Nyak knocks on the floor and goes down covering his eyes. Oh, I totally forgot what I was doing. Okay, I got the cart. You both run past Jerko who is closing his eyes and pursing his lips.

You load Jens back into the cart. Lifeless body. He has a pulse, right? Stu. God, his breath is shallow. I'm having a wet dream, clearly. I'm going to knock over a lamp with this thing. Careful, Jins.

That steak looks wooden. Says potato, Strad. I swear to God, if you marry Strad, if you tell us all we, to kill strad and then go behind our backs and marry strad that would not be very grills grill of you jens is still passed out okay onward to velaki and the abbey wait i forgot my keys and so church basement oh my freaking morning lord i wander away from another two hours you know at this point at this point it's like two in the morning yeah let's just go we can go tomorrow. Let's just go to the sex dungeon and then sleep so no one sees us. Okay.

Your mom's been dropping these notes for years and years. We can wait 24 hours. I wake up 12 hours later with a full night's rest. Are we there? Is this Milwaukee? You're going to want to pop another Ambien brother. What? All right. We're leaving now. Yeah. We're ready. Yeah. God, Marina is the holdup. She doesn't want to go because she thinks it's too late. Marina, you don't want to go. What the hell is the Yeah, Marina got tired or something. Do we need to leave you, Marina? Yeah, if you don't want to go, we can do it without you.

Come on. Marina has been meditating, but she's just picturing herself as Ismark killing Jens. Yeah. All right, let's get going. Bit onward. You head out of town. Ismark sees you from a distance. It goes, huh?

And then rubs his eyes and goes about his business. And you finally head down the trail towards Velaki. So you walk for a few more hours, eventually coming to a bridge underneath which the clear blue waters of the river isless flow. Across the bridge, you find that the road has been blocked by the toppled remnants of a long abandoned keep. Here, the well-trodden path has become a maze of tall grass and crumbling stones. And as you proceed, everyone please give me a survival or perception check. Ooh, I will for sure do perception. Not that.

Either one is great. Same. 18. 18? Let's see if I can do anything about this Nat 1. Oof. I don't think I can. I'm going to just do, I have a perception.

I'll do 14. 14. Okay. Onyx, you and Nyak give me dexterity saving throws now. That's another Nat 1. Jesus. That's a 9. So, Jens, I'll say that you're still in the card.

Yeah, of course. So you kind of avoid this problem altogether, but Onyx, you and Nyack are walking at the front. You're both showing off your brand new bedazzled Grills Grill shirts. They're shining beautifully. Oh, are they too flashy? And as you walk, shunk, shunk! Two hunting traps slam on your feet.

Ow! You each take four damage. And you cannot move. Let me roll for Marina as well. She got a 17, so she is also able to avoid the traps. Whoa. You guys should have gotten a bigger cart that it could have fit all of us. Oh, my goodness. Are you okay?

Well, I have to pull it. No. That looks painful. Oh, it's state to the ground, too. It doesn't look like you can move. Marina, we have to leave them. I'm sorry. Mostly fine.

No, we can get these off. Here, come. Jens, help me. All right. It's not going to work, but all right. It's not going to work, but all right. Jim's gets down. So you go down and start trying to get these tracks.

off, and as you do, you see a large figure step out from behind a chunk of fallen wall. Well, well, well, would you look at that? He wears a tattered gray cloak and steadies himself on a rusted spear. Shaggy black hair spills out from under a flop hat, and thick mutton chops guard his cheeks. As he walks forward, you see a bundle of animal peltz swishing at his waist. I can't believe those traps actually worked This is going to be easier than I thought Normally I hunt smaller barmets

But tonight my employers requested something special So just hold still And this will be over quick As the trapper talks His mutton chops seem to thicken and gray Huge teeth fill his mouth Which elongates into a snout Fingernails become claws and clothes strain at the seams

as the trapper before you transforms into a werewolf and prepares to attack. A dog vampire! Jen screeches. I submit I'm ready to become a dog. And that's where we'll end up our session. Bad dog. With a phone to a dog.

I squirt. The final upgrade. I squirt the dog. Woof, woof. Finally, I found my people. Oh man Gosh that was a fun one y'all Yeah we'll chat more about this

Over on our Patreon Patreon patreon.com slash Nadpod That's any DDPOD don't sing yet We are we are In the meantime we have things we'd like to plug We've got a Dimension 20 live show in Vegas Come see us, come see us Come search for Dimension 20 live

Get tickets for us in Vegas in November Yeah, we're playing Star Trek Anyone have anything they'd like to plug Yes So there's a new season of Big City Greens out. And an episode I did from

season one that was lost just couldn't be made for production reasons, was brought back into the order, was reanimated and finally released. It is called Risen from the Dead, really. Risen from the Dead with Mark Hamill doing a voice.

Whoa, yeah. It was an episode that was written by Carson Montgomery and then boarded initially by me and Chey and Curtis, but then Raj Brugaman and Ariel Ross and Harrell brought it back to life, and now it is finally released. Wow. So get very excited to go check that out on Disney Plus.

That's great. All right on. Check out my advice column on Substack. Substack.com slash at J. Kurtwitz. What were you giving for advice this week? Most recently, somebody moved to their, like, dream home location, but found themselves kind of bored and was asking if it was okay to leave. Wow.

Oh, that's fun. That's good. Did you tell them if they're bored they can watch Big City Greens on Disney Club? That's exactly what I said. You already subscribe. What a gym of wisdom. And with that, you can follow us on social media

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Oh, no. I'm going to be able to be. It's the end of the show, and you know what that means? It's time to shout out our benevolent council of elders, starting with Brad D., Jeffrey S. Lord of the Fjord. Later, Mick Skater. Matt M. Cutter W., Jeff C., Daniel G., Daniel the dastardly dame, Carpe Liam, Victor T. Balnor's boy, Hoyd's friend, Justin I, Danny Danster, T.J. M. Trele the Cray Faye. Christopher B. Damiel. Say my whole name, Rohee.

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Han, Eric B., Marcos, Ph.D., eventually. Learns the balance, druid. Frida M. Maggie. Holly, the Green Laughing Haina. Grim Waller, executive chef of Bohumia. Cal and her cats. Portland, Star, and Berlin. Really cute names.

Aaron B. Russell H. A monk named Dilgo. Cody C. Lorelei the succuba and Kira the succulent snack. McKenna S. Your friendly neighborhood yaunt and uncle, Andrew and Sid. Soon to be education specialist, John Adams. James F.

Wayfarer now has to do something with the trolls. get rid of them, turn to page 42, keep them turned to page 69. Oreo, Barpo Gutberl Barbarian. Garrett G., one big curd, Charlie Brown's best friend. Renee, the monster captain. Olivia, the enchanting bard and Jared, the soap opera cleric who are now performing ballads from the age of stories. Blue Ash, Fico.

Garrett, the artificer, Anthony, the raddest of dudes. J. K. Guard. The fairies have returned to debauchery and must now go to the carnal corner. Cantrip Dumbledore, the bear onesie wearing barbarian. Lexi H. M.J. the B.F.G. Roger L. No, drog, the pass a fist. Barbarian.

Jean-Luca. Leon K. Legendary hero of Bohum. from a future campaign, shenanigans O'Connor, Mios the Great, Josh S. Alexander, Linz W. Sky the Wise, a.k.a. the lone dungeon master. The spud fucker himself, Johnny Dudeke. The mischief of Nadpots familiar. Pavu Escanar, the Goliath Paladin, providing service with a smile. Kit and their cat. Jake well Murphaly. Tim M. Dragon Knight, 86, Tiles Lamar, T.R. M.L.G. Cheeto.

Shell Beach, Kenna's first favorite tort. Oh, sir, he got lost in the tank. Shell B. Kenna's first favorite Sprite Girl says Spodafuckers' Crop Tops when. Jet S. Death to tyrants. Pop-paw Sky Days. Memaw Sky Days. Megan N. Anthony B. Balnor's best friend Steve Stephanie of House in Zunza Benjamin A Gimley the Corgi

Papa and Foster's Kainine friend Mickle A S S S S tier Crickwater Enjoyer Josh H pilot of the nightmare verse flight The two crew blew through

Kelsey A Ethan the mailman Maple the shy bookworm Nick A.J Ashesaurus Seth the Stroker bearer of all hog-related burdens. Billy Batson, Tori the tungsten-dregoose, accidental shareer of recipes,

Michael Lyle S. the second, Carl B. Plummer of the Realm. Dex, Hriddlewell. Ace, Dreg's High Lord of Critsburg. Vin, Diagram, Catamilius the Consumed, Clinton P., Cam the Vampire Frogman, Dean, Jake W., Hi, Mom! Tuesday, Cross, only. here for the surfing murf.

Natpod fan and Bar Mitzford Man, it's Dave O. Steve Law, Tyler M, Alex G, Zibada Bakery, Kaylee, Katarina C, Misty, the Krispy Kitty really hates flame skulls.

Greg W., there's so many of us now, but hey, you're doing great, we love you. Thank you. We love you too. Baruch, Thunderhelm, fifth generation Minotaur, working as an abandoned labyrinth Torguide. Chupac Aubrey. Boney is dead.

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